#i sound so pretentious ohmygod

[jiangwanyin]

hey I saw you speaking of bullet journals. what do you put in it? I've been curious about it but everytime I've tried to do one I've gotten bored

hiiii :) oh uhm i'm actually sort of new to journaling more regularly because i also get bored easily and am generally not good at committing to things, but lately i've really missed being creative in general so i'm trying a new approach where i just do whatever i like, i don't do stuff like ‘my year at a glance’ and tasks and daily schedules etc etc etc because i don't care about that nor am i organized enough for it? the way i see it the world, but especially the journal is your oyster and who cares if yours doesn't look quite like other people's journals do???? if you get bored of pages on end of your goals for the day and making it look neat and instagrammable and keeping an index and so on just try and find the things you actually do want to record for yourself and enjoy writing about and stick to that!

anyways!!!!!! in my case that mostly consists of:

short journal entries not even necessarily about what i actually did that day (especially when i haven't been up to much) but just things i've been thinking about?

journal entries actually about what i did that day with stuff like photos, little drawings, bus tickets, receipts, something funny a friend texted me and five songs i've been listening to (or literally anything else i think of)

on that note also whole separate pages for playlists!!!! very important!!

collage pages for books i read and movies i watched that moved me with some quotes n printed out pictures etc etc like these

individual pages for stuff like recipes or a longer poem i like

monthly mood trackers, i actually just saw these on pinterest yesterday and they're SO cute i can't believe i never thought of this

aimless lists and rankings of things like types of tea and favourite characters from a book simply because i like making them!

a page for the things i enjoyed that month with things like the cinema ticket for a movie i liked or the wrapper of a new type of tea or candy i bought, a mini playlist, magazine cutouts, a favourite quote, something from the tv show i was watching etc

sometimes i just choose a quote or a song or random topic + do a page on it occasionally with some creative writing involved but mostly just even more magazine cutouts tbh

reading lists, bucket lists, watchlists with movies friends recommended me

genuinely anything i think of? some days that's bad poetry or just whatever language learning stuff that's on my mind or tarot notes or a whole page with just some photos of a musician i like but ✨aesthetically✨ arranged just for the fun of it or a quote i like surrounded by copious amounts of flower doodles and stickers etcetera!!

um this is a tad long and i'm not sure if it's remotely helpful and like i said i don't really have experience either nor can i promise i'll actually stick to it in the long run, so i guess we'll see in a few month's time if this advice was any good— buut good luck anon i hope you find a way to put your bullet journal to a good use and enjoy it 💖

[mimiinsp]

from an interview with Nick Flynn and Kaveh Akbar

[docockbrainrot]

i think i want you (to leave)

Summary: We’re all running from something. Sometimes, metaphorically. Sometimes, literally. Literally running, from the very strangely hypnotizing supervillain that seems hellbent on ruining every bit of your life he can get all eight of his limbs on.

Pairing: Doc Ock X Reader/ Otto Octavius X Reader

Content: Slow Burn, NSFW eventually, 18+, Female Reader

(A/N: okay guys when i say slow burn i really mean it, it’s gonna be a while before these idiots get anything done- gonna be a lot of exposition probably and maybe some filler here and there, but i promise it’ll happen ok c:)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2 

monsters// all time low

A rumble of thunder breaks through the air and the timing is almost comical. Face to face with one of the most dangerous men in the city, and it's going to rain on top of it all- what a cliché.  

Octavius finally looks at you, over the rim of his dark tinted glasses (which is entirely pretentious in and of itself- who the hell wears sunglasses at night?). You had almost forgotten to breathe during the entirety of the very strange encounter that you most certainly had no business being privy to. The expression on his face is unreadable at best. Murderous at worst, but let's stick with the first impression of 'unreadable'. All wack job bad guys looked ready to kill unapologetically at a moments notice, who were you to judge? Could just be… his face. Resting bitch face on a supervillain. Not funny. You feel a bubble of anxiety-terror-ohmygod-laughter in your chest and you know if you value your life you will absolutely shut the ever loving fuck up. 

"Is something funny?" He sneers in a way that screams smarmy megalomaniac and you inhale sharply through your nose, fingers tightening around the miniscule stun gun in your pocket. You don’t trust yourself to justify that question with an answer and simply jerk your head shakily for ‘no’. “It's a bit late for you to just be out walking the streets… don't you think?” Of course he's going to be a creep. Must be the shades. 

"You're not the only one who works late shifts, Mister... Doctor... uh... Octopus… so. If you don't mind. I need to feed Chekov, um, he's...he's my dog," you respond as steadily as you can, steeling every nerve in your body against the sudden urge to take off a full sprint in the opposite direction. Stay calm. Cool as a cucumber. You're pretty sure this is the single handedly most interesting thing that's ever happened to you though- maybe if you survive it'll make a great story to tell at parties. 

The concrete sidewalk shudders as metal collides with it, the Very Frightening Villain takes a lumbering step towards you, 'walking' with the mechanical arms like some kind of freaky cryptid you might find stalking around in Appalachian country. You have to admit, while incredibly off-putting… it is kind of cool. But the distance between the two of you is smaller than you would like to begin with, so when he takes another slow, robotic step, you immediately take one backwards. You think it's almost like a macabre dance, except without any of the fun one typically might associate with dancing.

"Don't- don't come any closer," you attempt to sound demanding but with how you stumble over your words it's really more pathetic than anything. In order to back it up, you pull out the little pink stun gun and point it at him. Yeah. That'll show him. 

Octavius stops dead in his tracks. One of the metal claws dexterously lifts his glasses up for a moment, presumably so he can see better. His eyebrows raise and once again there’s an odd, unknowable expression on his face. "Is that… you're defending yourself with a…?" He makes a vague gesture towards you with a gloved hand. He almost seems to have the nerve to sound embarrassed.

Your face instantly burns with a humiliated flush as you pick up what he's putting down, so to speak. "No! No! What! It's- it's a-" Obviously. In order to prove your unintelligible point, you press the little button and the sound of crackling electricity fills the air between you. "So… so, um, so stay back! Or…. else." 

You gotta say, he almost looks impressed now. Or maybe he just feels bad for you, with your shitty little weapon-vibrator. But whichever it is, you're pretty sure he isn't going to kill you- yet. He withdraws entirely, with only a single glance back at you before he slips his hands into his pockets and his figure disappears into the night, without another quip or even so much as a threat. There’s no way that worked, right?

You can hear him retreating, the heavy clunking of metal rending concrete and brick and god knows what else. And you stand there until he's out of your earshot, switching off the stun gun and effectively releasing a breath you didn't realize you were holding. Maybe you don't tell your mom about this encounter. 

By the time you finally make it into your apartment, depositing your groceries in the kitchen and putting out kibble for Chekov since he very loyally decided he was more interested in the food you were giving him than actually greeting you at the door, it's very, very late. Luckily you don't have to work tomorrow, and you glance out of the window that faces the street, a few drops of rain pattering against the glass. In the distance you swear you could make out a hulking figure atop a building, a couple blocks away, looking like it might have too many limbs to be human… or a normal human. 

You must just be traumatized, you think. Seeing things that aren't there.

With an exhausted sigh on your lips, you drag your eyes away from the skyline. You really, really don't want to have to go back out there… but you look at Chekov and he’s waiting expectantly by the door now. “Yeah, yeah, I know, buddy…” you mutter, snagging the leash from it’s convenient hook and latching it to the dog’s collar. “You better make it quick, I really don’t wanna run into another criminal tonight, got it?” Talking to him always makes you feel better. Maybe it should make you feel crazy. It doesn’t- you must be too far gone then. 

The speedy trot down the hall to the stairs is thankfully uneventful, as it typically is. Chekov knows his way- he’s out the door of the foyer the moment you open it and zooms down the steep brownstone stairs to sniff at the little square patch of grass across the sidewalk. It’s getting chilly and raindrops occasionally splatter you in the face, dripping down your cheeks and dampening your hair. “Hurry up,” you whine, tucking your arms close to your body in an attempt to preserve your body heat.  He takes his time.

When you get back upstairs, you immediately lock and chain the door behind you, hanging the leash back up on the coat rack that doubles as a dog supply rack and sometimes-other-things rack. Chekov retreats to his bed in your room and you find yourself keen on the same idea. Normally after a long day of work, you’ll try to unwind with some silly movies or YouTube videos, but you haven’t felt this drained in a long time. Utilizing what little energy you have left, you shuffle into the bathroom so you can brush your teeth and take your nightly meds. You glance at your reflection after wiping your mouth and you gotta admit… the bags under your eyes ain’t a good look.

Grimacing, you slap the light off so you don’t have to make eye contact with the gremlin creature in the mirror anymore. The Green Goblin doesn’t have shit on you, you think dryly to yourself as you change into your pajamas. Fluffy pants with obnoxiously hideous patterns and oversized t-shirts make everything better. You make one last quick round of the small apartment, grabbing your phone off the kitchen counter.

You find yourself drawn back to the window. Peering out, the rain has picked up. And the rooftops, for as far as the eye could see, are as normal looking as ever. 

He is gone, if he was ever there in the first place. 

Your hand lingers over the last light switch and with a decision that leaves you feeling a bit like a child that's scared of the dark (not for the first time this evening, either), you leave it on. 

You are sure you won't sleep tonight regardless.

[la-mariposita-de-palestina]

Rewatching Holy Musical B@man :)

When I first watched it I thought it was “nice.” lets see how i feel on time #2 :)

DYLAN SAUNDERS MARRY ME

The narration of bodily damage. Yes.

LAURENNNNN

DYLANS VOICE. JAHGVL.GJNVDF

I love this scene so much

Rat tat tat!

Dude, did Batman kill god? Is that how God died? Is this part of the Starkid Super Theory?

The Batman/Bruce Wayne joke is the best

Batman exposing America and exacting his revenge, what a guy

The Joker *dies* everyone.. *unfazed*

Gotham giving unconditional Bat love

CAPTAIN MARVEL

ohmygod Batman is like “no I don’t have the energy to be around my crush right now I’m brooding”

Brians bouncing, uh i mean flying, is adorable.

*lies to impress my crush* 

I wonders why theres so much crime in Gotham.*everybody and their grandmother has a gun* what a mystery.

Drama angsty angy boi Batman

Le gasp

“nay- the life that has chosen meeeeee”

*waddles across stage*

Why’d i pause it like this.

mamaandpapaaaa nomamaandppapapapaaa

The bats dance just for him

THEY JUST WANT A BUDDY

“The Fortress---of Solitude”

...I’d freak if I saw Dylan Saunders too

I just realized i never really appreciated Rogues are we for the MASTERPIECE it is.

Jaime you queen

Poor two face, its not his fault he has the stupidest theme ever.. actually it is.

Jeff Blim is a king.

He’s so excitedd.

“yea“ HE’S A SOFT ANGY BOI.

“tiny little guy“

HE IS DAZZZLING

Starkid likes staring friendships with speaking in unison.

He is a very articulate little one.

They’re bonding!!! yay.

Le gasp.

Wholesome

YOU GO ROBIN!

This musical was just an excuse for Starkid to write a bunch of puns.

I love this song.

*beats someone to death* *softly sings* OOooooohh

Is he actually making the Wah Wah sounds? cuz thats impressive

DANCE MY BOYS DANCE

OI THATS MY PRECIOUS BOI UR TALKING ABOUT!

whispers longingly “Krypto-”

DA PUNZ

I love Candy.

Where is all the candy coming from?!!?! is there an interdimensional portal in his pockets?!

That was a highly questionable decision. (Kwan Lee)

“I’m such a boob“ imma use that from now on.

*breaks everything around him* *pushed a box*

The poor water supply, it’s just chilling.

I love that he’s called Green Lantern Fanboy.

Superman just wants to get a phone call. Just once.

Every time they same America I gag. Yay.

The social commentary is catchyyy

“Most of us are Mexican“ LOL

CANDY YOU DESERVE A MAN WHO WILL TREAT YOU RIGHT! WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOUR CANDY PUNS!

The plane.

*squints really hard at the screen* Starkid-

I want to know what this person was cast as. “The invisible force that is Superman’s flying” yes I’m sure that’s exactly what is was.

I appreciate the subtitles clarifying that his screaming is in fact meant to mimic a bat and not a toddler having a tantrum.

Jussssst. Kisssssss.

Brian is a beautiful elegant man, I love his arm movements.

They...they shared...they shared a..shared a-a cigarette.................

Sweet Tooth is such a good villain?! Like?! How?! Didn’t I notice this?!

we need a combat specialist to dissect this fight scene it was so raw and emotional and the movements were so complex..........

Ah yes. water shots, the most...hardcore drink..ever

Construction man has my heart. Well Dylan does but-

“peeeeeople“ “belieeeeeeeeve” “gooood”

“who” CAPTAIN MARVEL

I mean...is he wrong?

Dude I never heard the word totties till I watched Starkid and now I’m never calling my boobs boobs. They’re totties now.

Fanboying over your crush, his house and his pet.

“pretentious douchebags“ yea, yea they are.

YAY CAPTAIN MARVEL SAVED THE DAY!!!

Wait can Starkid make a bunch of Super Friends musicals?! Why didn’t they continue this it’ve been so fun.

Robin saying the true desires of his heart. You go, be a modern dancer buddy!

“Lauren offstage“ I love that they needed to specify it was our lord and savior Lauren Lopez not some random offstage voice.

DYLAN SHUTTUP I’M HAVING HEART PALPITATIONS.

Did they just buy one of every color underwear available on the face of the earth? Good for them.

Conclusion: I love this a lot more than I remember when I first saw it. I’m am very happy now :DDDD

[ginsburgberry]

idle worship | anderbroberry

WHO: Rachel Berry, Blaine Anderson ( @lyricalbowties​ ) & Cooper Anderson

WHAT: A dinner, which is neither tense nor uncomfortable!

WHERE: The bougiest restaurant in town.

WHEN: Saturday, November 16th, dinnertime.

WARNINGS: None except Cooper being very, very Cooper.

This was it. Blaine had been dreading this day since his brother had first told him he’d be coming into town. There were a lot of reasons that Blaine didn’t want Rachel and Cooper to meet, and they were just because Blaine’s relationship with Rachel was a total lie..least on his end of it all. No, Blaine didn’t want any of his friends to meet a single member of his family, least wise Cooper. He’d like to say that Cooper was well meaning but that would be a lie. Blaine couldn’t recall a time that Cooper had done anything other than something that benefited him.

Blaine had done his best to apologize for Cooper in advance to Rachel as he picked her up and they drove to the restaurant. It was some pretentious french place, the nicest place in town. Of course Cooper would choose this place to show off in. There was no way that Blaine or, he assumed, Rachel would be able to eat her on a usual night out so he was praying that Cooper at least kept good on his promise to buy them dinner. Blaine felt his stomach do a flip as they drove up and allowed the valet to take the car. This wasn’t the first time Blaine had been in an incredibly fancy restaurant like this. Back home this was the type of place they would go to celebrate some kind of accomplishment of Coopers. Blaine wished he was old enough to order wine or some kind of alcohol.

“I’m going to apologize again.” Blaine said as he held his arm out for Rachel, approaching the doors. Cooper would be on the other side of them, sitting and waiting. “Anderson?” He asked the matradee as they walked in. A young man came up and took two menus and gestured for them to follow. “My brother can be a bit much. Please don’t pay him any mind. He can be a bit...delusional too. Oh god, there he is.” Cooper looked up from his phone, naturally he was on his phone. He beamed at the two of them as they reached the table. Cooper stood to greet them, pullingBlaine into a very one side hug.

“Squirt!”

“I told you to stop calling me that.” Blaine hissed under his breath.

“I’m glad you could make it. And oh,” Cooper’s attention moved to Rachel. “This lovely angel must be Rachel Berry.” He flashed Rachel a smile and took her hand gently and placed a kiss on the back of it and winked.

“Christ..” Blaine murmured with a roll of his eyes.

“How on Earth did my brother score such a beauty like yourself?”

-

Rachel had dolled herself up; she'd used the new makeup she got, she was wearing her cutest dress and had her hair all done up, but none of that helped the anxiety she could feel radiating off of Blaine every time he apologized.

Rachel had never had dinner at someplace that had a valet; she took a moment to watch the car be driven off, then looked back at Blaine. "It's really fine, Blaine," Rachel repeated, "and it's just one evening. I promise we'll survive."

Rachel gave the maître d' a shy smile as they were led to--

Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Oh my god oh my god oh my god.

Rachel tried to make her brain work but she just couldn't because Cooper Anderson was kissing her hand.

"He...he..."

Cooper Anderson. Cooper Anderson. Her boyfriend's brother was Cooper Anderson.

Someone cleared their throat and Rachel blinked, the heat rushing to her face. "He was my friend, first," Rachel said, looking back to Blaine with a dumb, mega-watt smile, "and things just...progressed, naturally, from there. We...harmonize, and not just musically," Rachel finished, gently extricating herself from Cooper to catch Blaine's hand instead as they sat down together.

"So, I..." Rachel had so many questions and there were too many to pick, and she couldn't believe she was talking to Cooper Anderson. "I've read your book so many times," Rachel settled on, turning sparkly eyes back onto Cooper. "Is the story I read about you and your costar true?"

- Blaine should have known that Rachel was a fan. He didn’t. But he felt as though he should have known. It was, after all, the type of luck Blaine ran with. His eyes grew wide as he watched Rachel stammer and grin so wide that he was sure it would fly right off her face. This was Blaine’s nightmare. The only thing that could make it worse was if he was naked right now. Blaine sighed and didn’t even flinch when Rachel took his hand. Sure. Why not? He sat there, his hand loose in Rachel’s and he was sure she wasn’t likely to notice. At least not with Cooper Anderson sitting across from her.

Cooper stood a little straighter, shoulders rolled back when he clearly realized that Rachel was a fan even without a word being said. He was used to those looks of adoration, Blaine had to assume. Cooper looked from Rachel back to Blaine.

“Yup. We were duet partners at the start of the semester.” He replied quietly.

Cooper eyed him a moment and then looked back to Rachel with a wide smile. “Wow. That’s beautiful.Do you uh, do mind if I pitch that to the writers? ‘We harmonize, and not just musically.’ Poetry.”

Blaine drew in a breath and held it trying to calm himself down and reminding himself he was in public. They were all in public.

Cooper’s eyes lit up further at the mention of his stupid book. Blaine clenched his jaw and stared at the menu he opened, not actually reading the words on the page. Cooper then gave a, fake, bashful hand wave. “Stop! You have? You know, I could sign it for you sometime. It’s always great to meet a fan. I actually gave Blaine a signed copy after it was released. He loved it.” Blaine shot Cooper a look. And knowing that he couldn’t deny it without looking like an ungrateful jerk Blaine was forced to smile and return to staring at the menu. Was it time for the check yet?

Cooper sat back in his chair, one arm draped over the back. “Do you think I would put something in my book that wasn’t true?”

Blaine bit down on his lip. He needed to get the conversation off Cooper.  “So water sounds good. I think I’ll get that to drink. What about you Rach? What are you thinking? Does any of this food look good to you?” He said trying to avoid eye contact with his brother.

- Rachel nodded along, soaking up everything he said - her heart gave an incredible stutter when Cooper said that he wanted to pitch it to the writers. The writers of his show that he starred in because he was a star in a soap opera. And Rachel was just about to dive right in to that, to see if she could wheedle her name and 'guest star' into the same sentence, or at least her name and 'studio visit'.

She was about to launch into that, though, when Blaine spoke, jogging her out of her fannish haze. "Water sounds fine," Rachel said, giving Blaine a little smile as she squeezed his hand. "And...well, I haven't..." Rachel looked down at the menu and studied it for a few moments, though she didn't actually absorb anything on it, because Cooper Anderson. "Do you think they have anything vegan on the menu?"

- Blaine instinctively returned the squeeze when Rachel squeezed his hand first. He needed that little bit of reassurance. They hadn’t even ordered their drinks or food yet and Blaine was itching to go. He tapped his thumb on the menu trying his best to focus on it this time around. He had half a mind to get the most expensive thing on the menu in an attempt to spite Cooper.

“I don’t know.” Blaine replied, his brow furrowing. “We could ask the waiter. A lot of this looks like meat though.”

Cooper sipped the wine he must have ordered before the two of them arrived. “Might I make a suggestion, Miss Berry? The canard a l’orange. I haven’t had it here before, so I can’t speak for how they cook it but it’s one of my favorites.”

Blaine looked up at his brother and deadpanned. “That’s duck, Coop. Rachel is vegan. She doesn’t eat meat or anything from an animal, actually.”

“Oh. Right.” Cooper said.

“Look, they have something here with butternut squash raviolis, sauteed spinach...crimini mushrooms, and truffle beurre blanc. If I only knew what half of that meant.” He looked over and smirked at Rachel. “Maybe it would be best to ask the waiter.”

Cooper sipped his wine gesturing for the waiter to come over. “Mm, I’m sure I could get the chef here to whip up something for you, if they don’t have anything you can have.”

Blaine had to keep reminding himself that they were in public and he couldn’t...or he shouldn’t make a scene. “You don’t even know the chef. How do you know he even knows who you are, Coop?”

And with that question Cooper arched a brow at Blaine, “Please, baby bro.” He scoffed softly as if it was an incredibly stupid and not at all reasonable question to ask. Cooper’s gaze flickered to Rachel and he winked again at her.  “What do you want Miss Berry?”

- About a million answers to that particular question popped into her head, and she felt the blush heat her cheeks as she tried to find one answer that wouldn't embarrass herself or upset Blaine.

"The ravioli sounds delicious, or..." Rachel cast her eyes down to the menu, if only to stop staring at Cooper, because it was making her eyes water, because he was the most beautiful person she'd ever seen in real life. (Or on TV, because he was a soap opera star.)

"Oh," Rachel said, managing to refocus, "they have a vegetarian menu...and some options have vegan substitutes." She looked up with a bright smile and set her menu down, having made her decision.

She wanted to ask a gazillion questions about Cooper, his show, his book, everything, but she was keenly aware of Blaine's hand in hers under the table.

"You should have come earlier," Rachel said, "because Blaine's performance for his class' showcase a couple of weeks ago was incredible. He got a standing ovation."

- Blaine kept hoping that time would go by faster so he could leave this nightmare of a dinner. Yes, sure, Rachel was having a good time and a part of Blaine was happy that she was happy. However, couldn’t she be happy because of something other than his brother? Blaine glanced up from his menu to look at Cooper who was still functioning at a 110% percent, flashing smiles, winking. Trying overly hard to be some kind of celebrity, or what he thought a celebrity did.

Blaine rolled his eyes. Cooper could give Narcissis a run for his own reflection. He cleared his throat. “So, I think I’m going to get this...duck thing..geez does everything on here have duck in it? There are other animals.” He mumbled. His head snapped up when Rachel mentioned the showcase. He looked to his brother and Blaine couldn’t be sure but he thought he saw his brother’s smile waver for a moment.

“I had someone record it.” Cooper replied reaching for his wine glass again. “He was great, wasn’t he?”

Blaine’s brow furrowed a moment as his brother gave him what sounded like a genuine compliment. He had told Blaine that he was proud of him soon after the showcase, but the fact that he gave a compliment with a third party present meant even more. He smiled at Cooper and then looked to Rachel with the same grin. “Takes after me.” Cooper added setting his wine glass back down.

“Why do you always do that?” Blaine asked  trying to keep his tone even.

“Do what?” Cooper asked innocently. “Compliment you?”

Blaine’s eyes narrowed and before he could say anything else, the waiter appeared to take their orders. Cooper ordered his meal with a thick French accent and handed the menu back to the waiter. ‘Takes after me.’ Blaine mocked inside his head. Cooper always felt the need to show off in front of other people and his way of showing off was making Blaine look inferior in some way or other.

“Now, Rachel” Cooper continued once the waiter left the table. “I know you must have a million and a half questions for me about this one over here.” He chuckled and pointed at Blaine. “Think of this as your own personal Q and A.”

“Could we not?” Blaine interrupted. “We’re kind of at dinner.”

“Come on Squirt, this is Miss Berry’s opportunity to get to know me and our family better. You know, before we throw her to mom and dad.”

- Rachel glanced between Blaine and Cooper - she'd never heard Blaine use that tone of voice before, and she'd never seen Blaine behave like that.

She hadn't meant to cause further strife.

"I do have questions," Rachel admitted slowly, glancing from Cooper back to Blaine, "and I'd love to hear stories about Blaine growing up, but..." Rachel hesitated, momentarily silenced by the arrival of their food.

Rachel wasn't always the most self aware person, she knew, but even the most selfish of people would be able to read Blaine's body language, which clearly said 'please, no, anything but that'.

"But why don't we save that for dessert," Rachel said, already mentally kicking herself for not taking the absolutely golden opportunity to learn everything she could from an acting trailblazer like Cooper Anderson, but Blaind was distressed, and she didn't want him to be distressed, leastwise because of her.

She took a few bites of her food, which was in fact cooked perfectly and tasted delicous, then spoke again. "Why don't you tell me what it's like to be on TV? How did you even manage to land the part?" Rachel did an excellent job, she thought, of being engaged and fascinated (because, okay, it was engaging and fascinating) but she didn't release Blaine's hand - in fact she kept a firm hold of it, squeezing his hand reassuringly any time she asked Cooper a follow up question about himself. She tried to include Blaine where she could, questions that applied to both of them, but Rachel knew when someone was hogging a spotlight, if only because she did it so often herself. At least this way Cooper wasn't dredging up anything about Blaine that he wouldn't want her to know yet, or embarrassing him too terribly.

By the time dinner was over - and more selfies were taken - Rachel had nearly run out of questions (but not really, come on, it was Cooper Anderson) to ask. She'd enjoyed herself, awkwardness aside, and by the time they were standing outside, both of Rachel's arms wrapped around one of Blaine's, she was more than satisfied, and she knew Kurt would die over everything she'd learned... but if she were being honest, she was a little ready to go back home with Blaine and settle in, unwind, and remind Blaine that he was the only man she was interested in.

...Or at least the only Anderson.

- Blaine was doing his absolute best not to go off on Cooper there in the restaurant. He didn’t want to make a scene in front of Rachel...or the dozens of strangers surrounding them. Cooper just always had a way of being extra and knowing that he was being extra and proceeding to top himself. Blaine wished he could say this was just Cooper putting on an act to try and impress Rachel, but he was pretty much like this all the time. Maybe a little less but he always had a way of making Blaine feel inferior.

He had been so pleased when his brother complimented him, again, on his performance and then let down when he followed it up with some grade A narcissism. Blaine did his best not to make eye contact with Rachel, embarrassed and not of Cooper but of himself. He shuddered to think what would happen when the entire Anderclan came together to meet Rachel. Not that Blaine planned on being with Rachel much longer. He flinched at the thought. It was so harsh and cruel but it was the truth. He knew he needed to break up with Rachel and as he sat there holding his fork and rubbing his thumb up across the metal in though, he wondered if it would have been better to break it off before he introduced her to a member of his family.

Blaine did a double take, unsure at first if he heard Rachel correctly.

“What?” He asked with a bit of panic in his voice. Blaine did a double take, unsure at first if he heard Rachel correctly. He had  explicitly told Cooper to not bring up any childhood stories and naturally Rachel was requesting some. This was a waking nightmare. Cooper thanked the waiter in French as the food was set at their table. He cleaned off his fork with the cloth napkin and smirked at Rachel.

“Stories about Squirt growing up?” He asked, interest peaked. “I have tons of them.” He gaze met with Blaine for a moment. “But..you’re right we’ll save them for dessert. It will give me time ot think of the best one to tell. Once I get started it is hard to stop.”

Blaine angrily stabbed at the food on his plate. Rachel had a good grip on his hand and while he wanted to pull away, he didn’t because it was still oddly comforting and grounding. He stayed quiet for the remainder of dinner, seeing as how Rachel was more curious about Cooper than anything else. Maybe if Blaine stayed quiet, they would forget about them and no embarrassing childhood stories need to be told.

“Those are some really great questions.” Cooper replied. “All of which can also be found in my book. But, I’ll engage. To be quite frank, it’s fantastic!” He laughed a little popped a bite of food into his mouth. “Then again, fame itself is quite fantastic. It’s all about my fans, you know? I want to make sure that they’re happy. Because if they’re happy, then I’m happy.” What was he even saying? Blaine glared at Cooper a moment, pushing the food around on his plate. How were people so charmed by all of this?

Cooper continued to answer each question Rachel threw at him clearly loving that the conversation was on himself and his accomplishments. Every now and then, Cooper would look to Blaine and make an attempt to bring him into the conversation but Blaine wasn’t biting. In that situation, Cooper shrugged, made a small joke, and proceeded into another story. By the time dessert came around, Blaine decided to pass. He had barely touched his food and had lost his appetite much earlier in their conversations.

“Alright, you wanted a Blaine story so I’ll give you one.”

“Coop...” Blaine quiet begged.

Cooper regarded him momentarily. “Not to worry baby bro, this one isn’t bad. When we were growing up, our parents had to hide the paper bowls we had because Blaine here would get into them and wear them on his head and say they were top hats.” He chuckled.

Blaine’s face was a deep shade of red and his grip on Rachel’s hand got tighter.

“That’s not it though.” Cooper took a moment to finish the last bit of his wine. “He would insist on singing and dancing with them, right? And he’d take our dad’s umbrella and the only song he ever wanted to do was Singin’ in the Rain. He’s always been a performer.” He said with a shrug. “And I’m sure he always will be. That’s why I wasn’t surprised by his standing ovation showcase. Impressed. But not surprised.” Blaine stared at Cooper for a long moment after he finished telling the story. Was Cooper giving him another compliment or some form of validation? He waited for Cooper to bring it back around to himself but he never did. Cooper paid for their dinner and that was it,the evening was over and it left Blaine confused about his brother. Most of that in there was the Cooper he knew, but Blaine wasn’t lying if he said his older brother did not pay him compliments often, or ever.

Cooper took Rachel’s hand again and kissed it in farewell. “Until Thanksgiving.” He winked. “It was a pleasure meeting you Miss. Berry. My brother doesn’t deserve you.” He joked and gave a wink.

Blaine shot Cooper a look at that comment but said nothing. He felt sick to his stomach remembering that he and Rachel were going to talk the following week to discuss their relationship, and Blaine knew he was going to finally end it with her. The anxiety was settling in but he had to do it. It was all incredibly unfair to Rachel, who was so sweet. He smiled at rachel as she looped her arm with his.

Even though Blaine didn’t think of Rachel in that way, he was still happy to call her one of his best friends. He wasn’t sure what he would do without her. Which was going to make this impending break up all the more painful. For both parties.

[holdmyqueers]

She don’t know she’s beautiful

Supergirl let out a shaky breath that she didn't know she was holding in as the DEO handcuffed the latest Children of Liberty stunt man. She turned to see Alex directing the police and DEO agents, completely ignoring the fact that blood was dribbling down her hand. Kara hated seeing her sister hurt, even if it was just a scrape. She waited for Alex to finish her director duties before she walked over to check on her.

"Director Danvers, you're bleeding...." Kara said as she placed a worried hand on her sister’s arm.

Alex blushed as she looked down and responded, "Oh, that's nothing to worry about."

"Shouldn't you get it checked out?" Kara nodded towards the ambulance waiting at the edge of the crime scene.

Alex waved her other hand in dismissal, still looking at Supergirl hand on her noninjuried arm. "Supergirl, thanks for your concern, but it really is just a scrape."

Supergirl gently took Alex’s arm and pulled her in the direction of the ambulance. She waited outside while they dressed her wound. After, she joyfully hopped in sitting directly across from her sister.

"It was fun kicking ass with you again, Director Danvers..." Supergirl smiled and brushed some of her blond curls out of her face.

"Of course! I love working with you! It's always great to work with the big guns..." Alex trailed off with a slight chuckle and a grin.

Kara couldn’t contain her excitement. She was so happy to have her sister by her side again.

"Do you need anything else from me?" Kara asked, "otherwise I'm going to" she waved her hand in a flying motion.

"No, we're just wrapping up here."

"Want a ride home?"

Alex stuttered, "ah, ride? Me? Ah sure?"

They hopped down from the ambulance, and Kara gathered her sister into her arms and gently pushed off the ground. She could hear Alex's heart racing as she made the well-worn way to her sister’s apartment. "Are you okay? I'm not going to drop you, I promise..." Kara ventured, unsure what was causing the fluttering heartbeat.

Alex looked flustered and gave Supergirl a tight smile preferring to look off into the distance rather than directly into the bright face of the superhero. "I'm fine. I'm good. Ah, thanks for asking."

Alex took a deep breath as Kara held on to her a little tighter. Kara knew her sister was acting very strange, but she has no idea why. When she reached her big sister’s apartment, she touched down and gently placed the dark-haired woman down.

Alex ran her hand through her short, choppy hair and said "welpthanksfortheride" without pausing.

Kara gave her a concerned look. "Anytime. Are you sure you’re okay?"

"Oh yeah. Yep, yep, yep."

Kara’s eyebrows continued to furrow together. “Did you get hit on the head? Do you think you have a concussion or something?” Kara leaned in closer to get a better look at Alex’s pupils.

Alex chucked as she stepped backwards, running into her kitchen table, banging her thigh, and knocking over a vase of flowers. With a whoosh, Supergirl rescued the flowers and gingerly set them back up trying not to spill any water.

"Ugh-“ Alex pressed her lips together to cover her grimace from the corner of her table embedding itself in her thigh. “Really thanks. I was serious when I said we could team up more.”

Kara nodded in agreement. Well whatever was going on with her sister at least she was friends with Supergirl again. Kara gave a brilliant smile, waved, and flew off into the night. Maybe she should check on her tomorrow morning, though.

--

Kara was awake early the next day to make sure she had enough time for coffee with Alex before work. She still felt guilty about standing her up for lunch the other day and still couldn’t make heads or tails over their interaction the night before. Juggling work and her secret identity felt so much harder now that she had to hide it from Alex, too. When she arrived at Noonan's, Alex already had a table and was working on her steaming cup while scrolling through her phone.  Kara gave her usual order and plopped down beside her sister.

"Morning!" Kara exclaimed brightly to draw Alex's attention from her phone. "How was your night last night?"

"The usual. Children of Liberty keep multiplying like bunny rabbits in the spring."

Kara scrunched her nose at the metaphor.

Alex continued, "We did have Supergirl's help last night though."

"Oh, that's nice."

"Yeah. She's really nice to have around."

Kara hummed in agreement as she added more sugar to cover up the bitter coffee flavor. She looked up at Alex and noticed she had a dreamy expression on her face. Kara wondered if she could check for a concussion without Alex knowing.

"You know she flew me home." Alex let out a satisfied breath, still looking off into space somewhere over Kara’s left shoulder.

Kara quickly glanced to her left, but didn’t see anything of note. "It sounds like you two are getting along better now..."

"Yeah, you could say that. She’s just so..."

Kara raised her eyebrows and waited

"Perfect." Alex finished with a satisfied sigh.

"She's okay I guess." Kara had really wanted Alex to be friends with Supergirl... But this was getting weird. It was weird talking to her sister about herself.

"I mean she's beautiful-"

"WHAT?! No!"

"When she flew me home, she held me in the bridal carry..."

Kara started to stammer to end whatever it was that was about to come out of her sister’s mouth. "I'm sure that's just the easiest way to carry somebody while flying..."

"And, she came to see me at my apartment the other day,” Alex continued with a small smile.

"I'm sure she does that for a lot of people!" Kara was talking faster and faster as panic took over.

"I mean she's so strong... Her muscles just ripple under her-"

"Nope. Nope. Nope.” Kara tried to block her ears with both hands, knowing nothing could stop her super hearing from embedding that sentence into her brain for eternity. “Sorry Alex, I gotta go!" Kara sputtered picking up her phone as if a notification had just appeared. “Work. You know.” She was out the door as fast as she dared to move. As she opened the door to leave, she heard Alex yelling over her shoulder-

"I didn't know you were such a prude, Kara!"

--

The entire walk to Catco, Kara was muttering to herself. She did NOT want to relive all of the past Supergirl interactions with her sister with this new knowledge but she also could NOT stop thinking about it. Maybe she shouldn’t talk to Alex anymore as Supergirl. Or maybe she just needed a new suit? But surely, a muumuu didn’t have the best wind resistance.

The morning passed… somehow. She sat at her desk and… did something? She confirmed her lunch with Lena; she was so excited to put her breakfast behind her. Lena was busy but more than happy to get take out and eat at the L-Corp office. So, after an extremely fruitless morning, Kara set off to see her friend.

Lena immediately could tell she was distracted.

“I thought potstickers were your favorite?” Lena asked with a concerned look.

Kara poked one and sighed. “They are.”

“Do you want to tell me why you are attacking them instead of eating them?”

“I don’t know. Works crazy…”

Lena responded with a nod and an affirmative, “Uh huh,” encouraging the blonde to continue.

“And Alex told me she thought Supergirl was hot this morning.”

“Uh huh.”

Kara looked up at Lena incredulously.

“Oh! That was surprising to you?” Lena asked.

Kara nodded.

Lena leaned over the table and placed her hand on Kara’s. “Kara, I don’t know how to break this to you, but your sister likes women.”

Kara huffed forcefully through her nose. “Yes! I know THAT.”

“And… Supergirl is… Supergirl. She’s beautiful.”

Kara’s mouth dropped open and Lena couldn’t help but giggle in response. “You like Supergirl, too?”

“Do I find her attractive? Yes, sweetie. Her strength, her power, her stupidly perfect hair, ohmygod her leg, those boots…. You can see every super powered muscle flex when she…” Lena stopped abruptly as Kara squished her paper cup of water, showering the CEO’s desk. Lena arched an eyebrow as both ladies grabbed napkins to sop up the mess. “All I’m saying is she’s literally a lady Adonis. But I don’t like her. She’s pompous and a little pretentious. She’s grating with her unbending morality.” Lena rolled her eyes. Kara bristled. “I’m- She’s not pompous! Or pretentious!”

Lena continued to look into Kara’s eyes. “Why does this bother you so much? Are you jealous?”

Kara stuttered, “Jealous? Me? No. I’m not jealous. Of her.”

Lena gave Kara a smug look.

Kara looked down at her plate of potstickers. She quietly said with a sulk, “I just thought I was your hero.”

“Awww, Kara.” Lena stood up and rounded her desk. “You are my hero!”

She planted a soft kiss on Kara’s cheek.  “But she’s still hot!”

[ughgclden]

hi bee omg

im so sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you, the last. week? week and a half? has been absolute madness. i went to a theatre convention that was stressful!! and overwhelming!! but it was fun and i watched dead poets society timed so that the first unmanned flying desk set “oh is it your birthday? happy birthday.” would fall on my birthday at midnight. it was nice. i was the only one awake in my hotel room, i sat in the shower (with it off, just my comfy pjs and computer with earbuds and rsl and ethan hawke), i may have cried a little, and i played dancing queen, cause i missed you, but couldn’t sit still long enough to put my thoughts together and write you.

also, the six of crows thing? definitely chaotic academia. i need to read that. i swear it’s on my list, but i just keep forgetting and i can’t pick up any new books. it’s just red white and royal blue red white and royal blue. i guess i’m so much like alex it makes me happy. i’m longing for a henry. (ironically, i’m in love with a blonde boy from a different country) (although he isn’t the prince of england. or english. but he’s from a different country and lives over two thousand miles away. but he’s moving to my state???? which is crazy????)

but yes. chaotic academia. i might enjoy wilde and hemingway, but i swear i’m not so pretentious that i think all modern literature is bad. honestly i read classics less than i read newer books, they just always awaken the 18th century gentleman that lives in my soul and writes his long lost love letters from their interrupted courtship.

(also, i’m having a gender crisis, keep you updated?)

anyway, bee, i love you so much, i hope you know even though i’ve been gone a bunch you’ve been on my mind, and i’ve been wishing you tea and happiness and pastries and prince caspian rewatches (the little star in your head arguing that i am not at all better than susan pevensie)

also, for the record we are mutuals on instagram and i’ve been,, debating putting you on my close friends, thoughts? i know we have this lovely little anonymity but i promise my instagram gives little more than i do, as i am completely and utterly ashamed of myself constantly. it’s all very… austenian, i think. (maybe not, i just like that phrase)

once again, wishing you all the cups of comforting tea, lovely, engaging lectures and academic validation (because you’re incredible and i’m so so proud of you), pastries, and comfy warm blankets straight out of the wash, and a gentle reassuring kiss on the top of the head,

all my love,

star✨

ps: “and so for a time it looked as if all the adventures were coming to and end; but that was not to be.” -c.s lewis, the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe

(i’ll have something in spanish or latin for you next time, but i finally started that reread i mentioned)

star my love!!! i promise you, you have no reason to apologise - i know first hand life can be so so... hectic, for want of a better word. these letters are lovely little surprises for me, you're in no way indebted to write me at any given time. knowing they come in drips and drabs with your thoughts makes them all the more special

a theatre convention!!! omg that sounds so so fun - though i get how it could be stressful. that's SUCH an amazing idea omgosh,, and im hoping it was a lovely, lovely birthday. you deserve nothing but loveliness. sitting in the shower is honestly a spiritual experience; i've slept in a shower many a time. listening to dancing queen!!!! yes!!!! our 17th's are now intrinsically linked star, i don't make the rules.

it's amazing i adore it - if you get around to reading it pLEASE dump all of your thoughts onto me. ive been meaning to read rw&rb but other books keep popping up and i never get round to it, im a menace /hj. relating to characters is great. and ohmygod??? that's amazing??? maybe your love story will begin to blossom before you eyes. my love life is.. laughably hopeless. though i managed to actually have a coherent conversation with my crush today for the better part of an hour, so i guess that's something? or maybe its just me making things into bigger deals than they actually are. likely the latter.

this!!! i feel like i need to be in a certain mood for classics - i think classics are best enjoyed on a slightly overcast day, with a cup of tea. a pretentious setting for pretentious reading. meanwhile ill sit and devour modern lit anywhere i can. i've been reading in a lot of coffee shops recently, which has definitely boosted my ego and pretentious levels. (agh, crisises surrounding your identity are the worst- hope it all goes well love! labels aren't always super important,, enjoy the process of finding yourself as much as possible <3)

i've been thinking of you in your absence star, wondering what little pockets of joy have come your way and what you may have been getting up to. i'm wishing you so much love and happiness, as much black coffee as you can stomach, your favourite pastries and fluffiest blanket, alongside a full-out narnia marathon (ill provide a powerpoint as to why you are better than her. namely being - she doesn't write me these beautiful letters.)

omg do it do it do it!!! i too love our anonymity, but a little peek into your life would bring me such joy <3 i assure you, there's no reason to be ashamed of yourself - you are truly special. though i understand debilitating self doubt doesn't listen to rationality, sadly.

all my love, star. stay lovely <3

(narnia quotes will always be the way to my heart, especially coming from the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe, as it was my favourite book from the ages of around 7/8 to 10)

ps; "je viens du ciel et les étoiles entre elles ne parlent que de toi" - francis cabrel

[irishforjane]

my frenemy @wesminski tagged me to answer these hella hard questions. and idk who to tag rip i always tag the same people i swear someone’s gonna get fed up with me soon but i lowkey want this tag to circulate so i’m tagging @pynchfluff @@moonwitche and @lxntsov

interesting questions and not very interesting answers under the cut. ^_^ (prepare for lots of question marks and hmmms and repetitive answers)

i. which character are you most similar to?

hmm i think i’m part cath (from fangirl), part ari (from ari & dante), and part molly (from the upside of unrequited)

ii. which character are you most dissimilar to?

the wild ones. take from that what you will.

iii. if you were in a zombie apocalypse, which character would you bring with you?

i’d want to be w all the badass (see also kinda ruthless) characters for guaranteed survival. ie kaz brekker, andrew minyard, lila bard

iv. what is your favourite au?

i dunnoooo O.O T_T

v. what trope did you suspect a character would fall into but proved you wrong? 

hmm inej ghafa?? i thought she’d be one of those characters with kickass skillszsz but have self doubt of epic proportions or whatever, like not confident and self deprecating and all that. but she’s not. and i love it. 

vi. what is your favourite genre? 

fantasy. definitely.

vii. if you could write a book, how would you describe it in five words? 

spoiler alert: it’s so bad

viii. describe your favourite book in five words

everything is aesthetic as fck; dreamthieving asshole has a crush; coca-cola shirt is a bamf; spoiler alert: president cellphone dies

ix. do you prefer guarded or open characters?

guarded characters.. i think

x. which three songs suit your favourite character(s)?

young volcanoes - fall out boy

sinister kid - the black keys

renegades - x ambassadors

xi. what fics do you wish there were more of?

hmm i don’t actively look for fics; i read them when they’re on my dash or somebody recommends one. but idk, i’d like to see more bluesey??

xii. what’s your favourite line? 

duh impossible to answer

xiii. what line made you laugh? 

what doesn’t make me laugh?? i’ll give you this tho: “Man, don’t SAT at me. Here’s what’s up. The Ronan you know is no more. He’s having a coming-of-age moment. A - a - bildungsroman. Goddamn me! SAT that, Dick-dick-dick.” (I thought of this bc of ‘fuckweasel’)

xiv. if you were paired up in a group project, who would you want to be with? 

i say adam parrish as well bc i have no originality and bc adam

xv. if you could turn your favourite book(s) into a different genre, what would it be and why? 

ohmygod genre-wise idk?? but setting-wise, it’ll be cool to see trc set in an earlier time? like 70′s maybe? so gansey’ll have to have a much older aesthetic af car.. or soc set in our world?? why? bc it just seems fun?? i’m useless. i know.

xvi. which character would you be best friends with?

binch i wanna be bffs with matt too. T_T also, jesper llewellyn fahey

xvii. which character(s) would you:

• go on a road trip with?

henry cheng and kuwei yul-bo. i’ll take my under appreciated boys on a fun, fun trip (loljk henry’ll drive bc i can’t)

• venture into the woods with?

the gangsey ofc!!

• go on late-night escapades with?

probs nikolai lantsov. or wesley ayers. or levi

• cause trouble and get away with it with?

kaz brekker DUH

• share a mixtape under the stars with?

hmm.. something tells me simon spier has excellent taste in music so him. or kevin day bc classical music? under the stars? seems pretentious af but also FCKING GIVE IT TO ME (noah is an A+ choice btw)

• fight to the death

all the shitty characters. the shitty fathers the shitty mothers the shitty ex lovers? 

• give up your entire mortal existence for?

don’t make me choose i’d die for ALL my childruuun

• go on a heist with and succeed?

doOOod the dregs?????

• be in a gang with?

a girl gang sounds good so inej ghafa, nina zenik, blue sargent, puck connolly, karou and zuzana, kizzy shao, helene aquila. all the badass girls!!

• have a dorky handshake with?

henry cheng. totes

• bring home to the family?

richard campbell gansey the third my pride and joy light of my life solution to all my problems 

• bake with?

nicky hemmick. i kind of hc him to be really good in the kitchen idk why

• fall in love with? (platonic/romantic/sexual, depending on your sexuality)

in case you missed it, gansey for all of the above OKAYY????

• sit on a roof at 2am in peaceful company with?

neil josten my boy

• bring into a different book and explore with?

all my kids ofc and binch i swear i didn’t copy you i recently finished the book and space seems so cool and terrifying and my children are all adrenaline junkies so we’re going to ‘the long way to a small angry planet’ world 

[montanabohemian]

Let’s hear some positivity for 2016!

I was tagged by @jomiddlemarch (sorry this took so long)

RULES: List 10 good things that happened in 2016 (could be about you, the world, your friend, ect. as long as it is positive things) and then tag 10 friends.

You are testing me right now, because I’m not sure I can actually come up with ten things.  But I’ll try.

The Colorado River -- In April of 2016, I got to float the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon.  And this time, I got to do the entire trip (I’ve been lucky enough to go on the Colorado twice before, but I have hiked out at Phantom Ranch because I didn’t have time to do the whole thing).  I don’t think I have the words to describe what this trip meant to me.   The river ... it changes you.  It has an effect on you and your perspective and how you live your life.  You’re down there, and you are cut off from everything in the outside world.  For nearly a month.  It’s just you, the river, the canyon, and our travel mates.  If you’ve been to the Grand Canyon, you can sort of understand what it might instill in you -- but, and this might sound pretentious, being on top of the canyon and looking down isn’t the same thing as being a mile down among some of the oldest geology in the world. I don’t know -- like I said, I can’t really put it into words.  The river was a very good thing.  And it probably saved my life in some way.

Hillary Rodham Clinton.  How do I even begin.  If you follow me, you know.  You know what this woman means to me.  You know that she is the person I look up to the most -- honestly the only person I have truly ever looked up to.  You know she is my inspiration.   2016 saw the first woman in the United States ever nominated by a major political party to run for the office of President.  2016 -- 100 years after the first woman was elected to the U.S. House of Representatives (by my home state of Montana).  Hillary Rodham Clinton won that nomination through some fucking bullshit adversity and the misogynist underbelly of the left.  She won.  2016 saw the first woman in the United States to win the popular vote for the office of President.   And no one -- no fascist dictatorial regime will ever take that from me.

MisCon 2016 -- For the first time ever at a con I cosplayed.  As no one in particular, but one of the themes last year was noir.  And it was like a lightbulb went off in my head that FINALLY this is something I could pull off.  (Of course I put if off until the last minute as I always do.)  But I went femme fatale and it was so liberating.  

Nick -- Nick is a very long and complicated story.  He completely upended my life last spring; totally blindsided by him.  And while, at this point in my life I can wholly put him in the negative column of 2016 and things that have happened to me in my life because things sort of just walked off a cliff into the raging seas -- for a brief shining moment in the universe I was happy.  Genuinely fucking happy for the first time in  a Very Very Very Long Time and it was absolutely because of him.   

@olanrogers/Final Space -- If anyone knows me, they know that I am a fan of Olan Rogers.  If you don’t know who Olan Rogers is, look him up on YouTube and on his Facebook page.  YEARS ago I came across one of his stories on YouTube and it made me laugh so hard I couldn’t breathe and there was snot coming out of my nose and tears streaming out of my eyes (and I probably peed my pants a little let’s be honest).  I have followed him and everything he has done and accomplished ever since.  I have had some ups and downs (mainly downs) since I found Olan -- and for whatever reason, his genuine personality has lifted me through some dark fucking times.  So I feel very supportive of him and excited and proud of him in whatever he does.  He’s just one of THOSE people, you know?   THE POINT IS.  Last year, he produced an animated short film called Final Space.  And it was AMAZING.  And everyone was like DUDE THAT’S BAD ASS HOW COOL WOULD IT BE IF IT WERE A SHOW.  Well at end of 2016, Olan, who had for a big chunk of the year kept saying things like, “THINGS ARE HAPPENING BUT I CAN��T ACTUALLY TELL YOU YET,” finally told the world what happened and what was GOING to happen with Final Space.  Final Space got PICKED UP -- BY TBS.  BY FUCKING CONAN O’BRIEN.  Like.  The day I found out, I was at work and I was at my desk and I started crying.  That’s how happy I was for this guy that I have NEVER met.  It was just.  SO GOOD to see Olan fucking Rogers get everything he deserves in this universe.  And I am so proud of him and so happy.  

Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency -- I can arguably say this is the best show I saw in all of 2016.  I don’t even know why, but it is.  And I really only decided to watch it because I kept seeing ads for it on BBC America and Elijah Wood was in it and it looked hilarious.  And it was like, that first episode had me hook, line and sinker.  For whatever reason this show, of any other, spoke to me.  

Moved out of Deer Lodge -- When planning for the river trip, I knew I was going to be gone for a month.  And I knew it was a waste of money that I literally did not have because I was unemployed to continued living in the shithole I was living in.  So I gave my notice and moved out just before I left for my trip.  It put in me in a state of limbo and forced me to live with my parents after I got back from my trip and that wasn’t fun.  But not long after I got back from the river, I got a call to go work at the ranch.  Getting out of Deer Lodge was a Very Good Thing.  

My camera -- I bought myself a real camera.  And I love it.  I’m by no means some sort of expert or professional, but I love taking pictures, and I love getting better at it.  And having, finally, a good quality camera that I got for myself (I got it to have something for my river trip) makes me feel good.  Plus I’ve taken some stellar pictures -- not that they’ll ever see the light of day.  ;)  

@sadydoyle -- The genius of Sady Doyle kept me sane throughout the entire year of 2016.  Through the Democratic primary election and then the shitshow that was the general.  A friend of mine posted an article by Sady, about Hillary’s “likability.”  It was the trigger I needed to be vocal and supportive of the woman that I admire so much.  For the first time, when I was reading this piece, someone had put into words EVERYTHING I HAD BEEN FEELING.  Her twitter feed is a fucking sanctuary (and don’t get me started on all her Jurassic Park gifs ohmyGOD).  And every time she would publish a new article, it was like CAN I SCREAM THIS FROM THE ROOFTOPS AND BROADCAST IT AD NAESUM BECAUSE YES THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS.   AND.  She published a book.  Because she’s a boss. I don’t know how we’re going to get through the next ... few decades.  But I know at least Sady will be able to put into words what I cannot.

I got a new job (not at the ranch).  It’s not doing something I’m particularly excited about.  But it got me out of Deer Lodge and out of my parents’ house.  And it got me out of being unemployed (though I don’t think I am actually making any money).  I moved to a new town and I have a nice apartment (that I can totally not afford) and I finally have internet where I live and I might be stressed and hate everything -- but I guess it’s okay.  Hahaha.

Tagging (though feel free to pass) @not-shakespearian-if-you-lose (I feel like you should at least get an honourable mention though even though I don’t remember when we met -- if it was ‘15 or ‘16 -- you made 2016 so much better and you’d better be around for many more decades to come, babe)

@acelucky @goanie @apprenticemockingbird @orysbaratheon @fandom-frenzy @crayjoy @smithsonianstucky @naurielrochnur ... and whoever else wants to do this.

[a-rush-of-dreams-to-the-head]

part 3

** Two weeks later **

 You wait in the entrance of the burrito bar, coat pulled tightly against you as the wind increases in velocity and makes its best effort to further mess up your soggy, windswept hair. Chris had been back in England for a day to see his family and you were meeting here before he was flying back to the next tour date in Singapore. The weather seems to be trying its hardest to ruin any chance you had of looking decent and the anxiety bubbling in your stomach ramps up a notch. You look up at the sound of footsteps. Chris is running through the rain, hands attempting to shield his head from the onslaught of water. You can’t help but laugh – he just looks so comical. When he slows to a stop in front of you he smiles warmly but spotting you laughter, his face falls.

“Hello to you too!” He grumbles. You try to control your laughing, but you look up and seeing him sulking like a soggy puppy just makes you laugh more. “There was traffic…I had to get out and run.” His defensive tone isn’t making it any less funny. He falls silent and you stop laughing. He looks almost… embarrassed. You pull down your hood to reveal your mess of hair and he looks at you for a second before choking on laugher that you fear is about to spill.

“Don’t you even dare.”

 **

 Your food has gone cold, but you don’t care. You and Chris are deep in conversation and have been for a fair while. However, your mind keeps returning to that kiss on the night if the Paris show. What did it mean? You have been talking over text for weeks but neither of you had mentioned it again. You know you didn’t want it to be the last one but you didn’t really think that Chris could want the same… could he? I mean he’s been texting you non-stop since you last met. He’s sent you countless postcards. He ran through the rain to meet you in a burrito bar. Chris notices you’re staring into space and leans across the table so his eyes are directly in front of your line of sight.

“Whatcha thinkin about?” he asks, smiling. “cause I didn’t think my question was that puzzling.”

You smile sheepishly.

“So puzzling that I didn’t manage to catch it. At all.”

“ehh, it was boring anyway. Your thoughts are strikingly more exciting.” While he thinks you’re not looking his hand moves toward the chips in front of you. You notice.

“I’ll strike you with more than my thoughts if you even touch those.”

He laughs and withdraws his hand, leaning back into his chair.

“It was worth a try.”

 **

 Its later in the afternoon and Chris is getting out his phone to show you video evidence of his unicycle riding ability.

“Fuck” He exclaims and stands immediately.

“What? Are you ok?” You reply, concerned.

“oh god, I gotta go if I wanna get my flight. I’m slumming it in commercial this time.” He explains as he hurriedly walks round the edge of the table. You follow him out the door, intent on making sure he makes it into a taxi OK and wanting to say goodbye. He runs out and manages to flag one down. As it pulls in he gives the cabbie his destination and then turns back to look at you. He says something else before running back across the pavement to where you are standing. You open your mouth to tell him to go so he doesn’t miss his flight, but you don’t manage a single word as he takes your face in his hands and kisses you gently. Your whole body begins to melt but it’s over too quickly and you barely have time for a whispered goodbye before he is gone.

 **

**Three weeks later**

  The flight to Budapest was relatively painless but Chris still felt as if he could hear the shouts of the crowd of the proceeding show echo in his ears.

 You: Night cutie xx

Y/N <3: night sexy xx

 He laughs at the sudden show of boldness.

Y/N.

He misses her so much; much more than is warranted by the amount of time he's spent in her company. She made such an impression, with her lame yet endearing sense of humour, weird hobbies and almost constant blush on her face – especially when he caught her staring at him. He falls asleep with this thought still in his mind.

 The next morning, however, didn't start how he expected it to. He was awoken by Jonny throwing the curtains open and chucking a pair of jeans at him.

"Jon what're you--"

"We're going out Chris." This makes Chris sit up. Have I forgotten something? A meeting? Radio show?

Jonny senses his panic, "We're going to find you a muse." He sits down in the hotel room chair, "Chris.., you haven't been writing much at the moment... at all in fact…and it's worrying the band." Chris knows he hadn't been working as hard as he should recently... He just can't find any inspiration, but when he looks at Jonny's tired face he knows he must do something.

"Okay. Let's go."

  Jonny takes Chris to a beautiful park, to try and inspire something, but Chris just stares at his phone. He takes him to the cathedral, to try and inspire something, but Chris still stares at his phone. He finally takes him to an art gallery, but Chris is engrossed in his phone. Jonny's had enough.

"Chris, will you please put your phone down? I'm trying to find you some inspiration, here.”

Chris looks up from his phone. "... What?"

"Argh!! What is so important that you're so insistent to ignore everything I'm doing for you??"

"I'm not Jon I just-- hey!!" Jonny snatches the phone out of his hands and looks down at it in shock.

 Y/N <3: my blender just broke!!!

Chris: thanks for the JUICY goss ;)

Y/N <3: that's worse than one of mine...  -____-

Chris: I'll buy you a new blender to make up for it

Y/N: only if you're delivering ;)

 "Chris....?"

"She... I just... Look Jon, I don't know what I'm doing.... But I really like her."

"You know.... She might just work." Jonny looks lost in thought and Chris doesn't expect him to say what he says next. "Well I guess we'd better get her over here then." He grins and flips the phone back to Chris, putting his arm around his shoulder.

"Whoa, you're okay with that?"

Jonny smiles and leads him out, "I'm not saying it'll be easy... But I'm optimistic."

Chris leaves the pretentious gallery feeling exhilarated.

Maybe this time, this time he could get to know Y/N properly. He smiles at the thought.

 Soon, Chris realises one huge obstacle to the plan. Will. 

"Um, Jon... This might not…work" He forces out through clenched teeth, remembering what the drummer had had to say that unlucky afternoon in the hotel. Jonny frowned.

"I refuse to believe it Chris, it's at least worth a try even if it doesn't help you write. The other guys could do with some new company anyway." He insists, but Chris is shaking his head.

"The other guys are the problem Jay. They -" Jonny interrupts him, sticking holdfast with his idea.

"If this is about Guy, forget it, cause he is obviously going to try and wind you up no matter who is around." 

"Let me speak Jon!" Jonny falls silent, somewhat dejected. "Will.. um... Noticed... Me and Y/N." Jonny raises his eyebrows. "Though not as… directly as you did. He was even less keen about the whole thing really..." Chris trails off, disappointment and anger emanating from the man in a silent storm of emotion. Jonny doesn't look particularly put off.

"Hey, Will didn't like Clocks at first. What does he know?" He attempts to salvage Chris' mood, but the singer doesn't seem convinced.

"He told me I was putting her at risk... That I wasn't thinking... that I was taking advantage of her." Chris almost spits and Jonny considers it all for a moment.

"Well firstly she is her own human being Chris. I'm sure she is competent enough to know more than you give her credit for. I agree that you weren't thinking man, at least not with your head." He gives Chris a reprimanding look. "I mean... In a dusty corridor..?" Chris blushes deeply and looks away, ashamed. "As for anything else, you gotta do what you feel is right Chris." He pauses for a moment and then grins widely. "Though now it is for sure some of my business, if it's affecting your work"

 That's how Jonny managed to convince Chris to try and talk Will around. In theory, they didn't really have to ask the drummer and Chris suggests just booking the flights and surprising him multiple times, but Jonny insists. Will always felt like some sort of boss and it would do no good for band relations to go behind his back. Chris awkwardly walks into the room where Will is unpacking his drums, ready from shipping. 

"Um, Will" he starts, and Will turns around with a faint smile. "I was - um.. well - we- I mean I.." Jonny cuts him off and takes the lead.

"I think I found Chris a muse. A... Female... Muse." Will raises a single eyebrow, saying nothing. "Just checking your cool if we um.. ship 'em in." Will tilts his head to the side slightly.

"And would this 'muse' happen to go by the name Y/N, by any chance?" he asks, almost softly, and the two other band mates nod hesitantly. He takes a moment to think it over. He still doesn't like it... but Chris has been so off recently. Maybe seeing her again will straighten him out, Will thinks. Maybe Chris will get over it all, and besides it'd be nice to see Y/N again. He sighs deeply and turns to Chris. "Three conditions. One, I get to tell her. Two, you make sure you don't let Guy mess with her anymore. Three, you promise me this is not some sort of ploy for a one night stand that'll emotionally ruin her." Chris blinks in surprise.

"Done, done and I swear on my life"

 Around 4 hours later and you are sat in Gatwick airport, heart racing. When you had seen Wills number it has struck fear into your heart. He wasn't really one for small talk, or rambling phone calls, so you assumed the worst. when you picked up the phone, he sounded almost nervous and you blurted out a stupid question.

"ohmygod Will is he hurt? Is he dead!? Oh god, please tell me he isn't dead." Will had alleviated your fears, almost laughing, and you felt shame creep across your mind at the memory of your panicked spiel. Instead he asked you very hesitantly if you'd like to come back out on tour with them, just for a long weekend, and you had bounced at the opportunity. Lucky for you both Fridays and Mondays were lecture free, so you pretty much had a full four days to spend with the guys. To spend with Chris. Although your heart aches to see him again, you worry about it nonstop. What if he doesn't like me anymore? What if I don't like him anymore? You dismiss your anxiety ridden mind and instead head toward your boarding gate, legs still shaking but excited for your adventures ahead. You'd tried to insist on paying for the flights, even though you couldn't really afford it, but Will was a force to be reckoned with when he had his head set on something and insisted the business class tickets were on them. You'd made a risky joke about it being plane rude they hadn't sent their jet, that luckily Will appreciated and elicited an extremely rare laugh from the drummer.

"Have I entered a parallel universe, or did a joke of mine just make you laugh?" You had giggled down the phone, which caused Will to faux-gruffly tell you that you made a mistake and it must have been phone static. You had missed the drummer and his attempts at teaching you rhythm, getting to be able see him too was an added bonus. Your phone beeps as you seat yourself in your overly large business class seat, trying not to think about the flight ahead, and you see a text from Chris.

SEXY: You'll be fine on the flight sunshine xx

SEXY: Close your eyes and think of something more pleasant ;-) 

You giggle at both the unexpected nickname and at Chris' suggestion

YOU: Oh, I'm sure I can manage that. :-P 

SEXY: I'll be waiting for you as soon as you arrive. xx

YOU: If I don't crash and die 

SEXY: If you die, I'll have to kill you x

YOU: I'll try my best to not take off anytime soon. x

SEXY: I take it back, please drown :-P x

 You laugh, fears alleviated for now, ready for departure.

 **

 As soon as the plane touches down you're off like a shot. It wasn't that the ride was horrible, but it was. The fear of being so high up held you rigid in your seat the entire time, slightly alleviated by the alcohol from the complimentary champagne but made slightly worse by the complimentary coffee.

 Needless to say when you get off the plane you're a little giddy, especially when you're waiting for your bag and see a text from Chris.

 SEXY: ready when you are, gorgeous xx

 With your tired suitcase in hand, you walk out to the arrivals lounge of Budapest International Airport. You look around and your eye is caught by a flash of bright colours. You turn to it and see Chris holding a beautiful bouquet of pink and orange flowers, but it's not quite as beautiful as the singer, who is standing there wearing a slightly undone causal dress shirt and fitted black jeans. But the best part is his relieved smile as he starts to jog towards you and you find yourself doing the same.

 The second you're close enough he takes your waist into his arms, crushing the flowers onto your back. He lifts you up above his head, so he's looking up at you and you have to wrap your legs around his muscular torso. You put your arms around his shoulders and press your lips onto his, you can feel him grinning like a maniac as he moves to kiss you back. You sigh happily into it and just savour the moment as his hands roam your back and his lips move with yours. You stay like that, in his arms and gently pulling his curls until you're breathless.

"Hey, gorgeous." He breathes as you pull away.

"Hey..." You're breathing heavily and your forehead is against his. Your giddiness stops you from catching what you say next as it leaves your mouth.

"You really know how to sweep a girl off her feet." At this he gently drops you and turns away childishly with his arms folded over his chest.

"Go back now. I'm done with you!!" He cries dramatically and you can't not laugh.

"Chris no!!!" You shout back just as loud. You're doubled over laughing so hard you can't breathe, when he puts a hand on your lower back and begins to push you out of the airport.

"You hungry, doll?" He asks as he grabs your suitcase with his other hand.

"Sure thing. Where we going?" You smile and playfully spin around to face him, walking backwards and stepping on his feet slightly.

"Hey, none of that!!" He moves to the side of you, smiling. "Thought we could go somewhere with local food?"

"Do they have steak?" You spin back around and take his warm hand in yours and he nods. "Then I'm... Game!!"

"I will leave you here." You squeeze his hand reassuringly as you walk out the doors, towards the waiting car.

"You love it really." You wink as you hop in, not letting go of his hand for a second.

 **

 Your car eventually pulls up to a dark wood door with gilded frames, the word "ONYX" in capital letters sat prominently on a sign on top. The windows are blackened, and small shrubs sit either side of the ornate entrance. Chris gets out first, briefly detaching himself from your hand, but proceeding to offer it back to you as you exited with a mock bow. You giggle, still entranced at finally seeing the man again and the memory of your lips on his still fresh in your mind. It's about 8 and so the restaurant seems pretty busy. You silently worry that you'll get turned away at the door by the looks of how fancy the place is and the business you see from the shaded-out windows, Indian who could get a reservation at this short notice. Chris leads you inside and a matrè dî turns hurriedly toward you both, the same dollar sign expression that you saw in the eyes of the sales assistant in Paris in his eyes.

"Van egy foglalás" Chris says confidently in what you assume to be Hungarian and the man smiles at him.

"Ah, megérkezett! Azt beszélik nyelvünket jól uram. Hallottam a túra nagyon jól megy , hadd mutassam meg a táblázatban." He says and begins to walk deeper into the restaurant, you are following close behind - having no idea what either man just said. The decor inside the restaurant is decadent to say the least, soft candles light the room and the wall's ornate red and gold decorations are making you feel underdressed. The waiter arrives at a particularly well positioned table, tucked into an alcove near a decorative pillar.

"Egy gyönyörű asztal egy kis magánéletet . Leszek vissza a borlap is." He says, winking slyly at Chris and and pulling out your chair for you. You sit down and raise a single eyebrow at the singer as the waiter walks away.

"You speak Hungarian?" You ask and he smiles sheepishly.

"I've picked up bits and pieces, it’s um quite similar to German in a way, I guess" he looks embarrassed but you smile warmly at him.

"You Hungary for dinner?" you ask, managing to maintain a straight face. It takes a while for Chris to realise the pun and when he does he immediately places his head on the table.

"That one hurt me deep inside." He murmurs, muffled by the table cloth. He then lifts his head slightly and looks you in the eyes, solemnly.

"I warn you, one more and I'll have to get revenge." He looks so serious that you can't help but laugh and at this his expression breaks and he laughs with you. It's at that point the waiter returns with a wine list, presenting it to Chris. Chris says something quietly in Hungarian and the man departs with a smile, soon returning with a bottle of fancy looking champagne and pouring you a tall thin glass each. Chris lifts his in a proposal of a toast.

"To… us" he says almost hesitantly and you clink your glass delicately against his and sip gently, maintaining eye contact with the singer whose eyes seem transfixed on you. His expression switches to nervousness and you frown slightly, then suddenly you get a brainwave.

"Um... Us? Like…us as in there's an us, or just to us as in... like me and you... Separately?" You blurt out, face the colour of the scarlet walls. Chris becomes similarly flustered but this just seems to make him look even cuter and you sort of want to jump over the table and kiss him right there.

"I'd...um... tell you what I'd prefer, but I don't think I've been... um... Subtle" he fumbles, still blushing, but looking you directly in the eye. "So I guess it depends on... um... You." He looks positively terrified now and you confuse him by laughing.

"Chris, you can be extremely dim sometimes." You sigh. “I’d like nothing more." You finish, taking his hand from across the table. Your eyes glitter mischievously.

"Well now we've got through The Hardest Part. at least." He groans loudly in pain and his eyes darken.

"Don't call my bluff Y/N, you will be punished for that." He almost whispers and you quickly laugh to try and displace your anticipation of this threat. His expression lightens once again, however.

"This means I can call you my girlfriend all the time, right?" He asks smirking, "...and not just to deter unwanted bouncers at shitty night clubs?" His joke makes you laugh, but Chris’ expression has suddenly turned serious.

"We can tell the boys after the concert tomorrow. If you want." He suggests, smirking. "Give us space to run away if they get jealous of what they've missed out on. But for now, I want you all to myself" You roll your eyes again but smile.

"You'll have to fight them all off Chris." You joke and your conversation deteriorates into a discussion on who out of the band, and then in the wider world in general, Chris and you could beat in a fight.

 When your main course arrives, it leaves you mildly confused. Although the plate is fancifully decorated with jus, your steak is pitifully small and oddly rectangular. You cut it in half and your meal is soon gone in two overloaded forkfuls. When you finish you glance toward Chris, who seems to be laughing at you.

"What?" You ask defensively, and he just laughs harder.

"Hungry?" He taunts and you blush, which softens his expression but doesn't lessen his laughing. You look down at his plate and see the small delicate mouthfuls he has taken and feel horribly inexperienced and out of place. He seems to find it endearing however and giggles his way through his weird seafood dish, while you sit shamefully with an empty plate. Two more courses and endless teasing later, and you are stood at the entrance of an alleyway nearby, waiting for your lift to arrive to take you back to the hotel. Suddenly, Chris attacks you with a precise barrage of tickling and you squeal which simply spurs him on further. After a few minutes of discovering you are horrendously ticklish, Chris stops - his hands now lying flat against either side of your waist.

"I told you-" he says, but his voice is breathy and soft. "-that it wouldn't go un PUN ished." You look up into his stunningly blue eyes, the witty comeback on the tip of your tongue instantly lost. Instead you find your eyes exploring his own, parting your lips slightly without realising. Chris, however, realises and his breathing quickens as he pulls you closer. "Now, let's call a truce", he murmurs, moments before your lips make impact. Your hands almost instantly trace the path across his upper back into his hair and he hums into your lips in appreciation. One of his hands keeps you pressed to him by your lower back and the other climbs to the back of your neck in a successful attempt to deepen the kiss as he bends your body backwards. You shiver at the skin-on-skin contact, which seems to encourage him further but then, almost instantly, hear a car pulling up next to you. You begin to pull away and Chris resists before very reluctantly letting go of you, murmuring sulkily that the car could have waited. You giggle and lightly punch him in the arm in mock-punishment before sliding into the unfortunately timed car, your hand now in his.