#i so consistently get rejected
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#applied for 2 jobs#but applying for almost any job feels like a waste#i so consistently get rejected#and it's legitimately and seriously traumatizing#on top of my family trauma regarding job hunts#to get a job i have to keep applying#but it gets harder and harder to want to do that#bc when every single place turns you down#you feel like you're wasting your time#i feel insane#really i'm not#i'm a lovely person#smart#kind#friendly#but this makes me so deeply angry#and it won't really go away until someone hires me and i can#actually live comfortably
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His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#tulu xuanwu#blood#Vomit on his sweater already; mom's spaghetti#I love drawing teenji because he gets to be a lot more expressive than Older Lan Wangji.#wwx is trying so hard to be supportive and it keeps backfiring for lwj.#“There's no way I would ever want you carnally ^_^” meanwhile the guy who wants him carnally is losing his mind in agony.#Hot tip if you keep finding yourself in Lan Zhan's shoes: consider being more obvious. Give up on trying to be subtle with an ADHDer.#His game is SO BAD. Abysmally bad rizz. I do not think it was possible for these to to have a chance to get together in this life.#He has no plan. He has no healthy outlet for his feelings. He is looking at his half naked crush and losing his shot.#F in the chat for Lan Zhan. He's just been accidently rejected and he is about to be accused of being straight.#Meta commentary moment: I am going to try very hard to be more consistent with outfits and details across comics#I have had some...difficulties in the past with forgetting details (COUGH the vermillion mark COUGH)#New year new goals! Wish my ADHD eyes and brain good luck!
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i think dinostar is such an interesting ship right now even if i've kind of turned away from it after this season. the problem is that it's complicated, and fandoms historically don't like nuanced situations or takes. i don't think it's fair to say darius is putting brooklynn on a pedestal, since from his perspective, she hasn't done anything wrong, and kenji has been framed as this unfair partner to her. it does feel like his feelings are very immature and more of an infatuation right now ("if he loved you half as much.."/"unless?"), especially when you compare them to kenji's own feelings for brooklynn - his girlfriend who he's loved for 6 years - but that isn't a horrible thing, it's just different. i do completely understand if people dislike the ship right now, and even criticize darius' way of handling the accidental confession, but i just think people have been way too harsh on all three of them without being willing to see that all of their perspectives are different
#like darius' whole thing this season was his tendency to say or do the wrong thing and make things awkward by complete accident#he's a very awkward person as it is and considering he's also never dealt with romantic feelings before and he didn't even mean to tell her#about them it makes sense that he once again said and did the wrong things while trying to fix it#i'm not going to judge his characterization just yet until we see how he handles his own feelings vs kenji's next season after finding out#she's alive#he was still respectful of her and i doubt after learning more of kenji's side and realizing this man genuinely does still love and miss he#that he would prioritize pursuing her romantically(especially since she already yk.. rejected him and also literally just left them all)#if anything i think the finale putting his feelings about her survival to the side and focusing on how it hurt kenji to see her alive and#leave him kind of indicates that brooklynn's not really going to be much of a love interest for darius after this#which imo as a dinostar enjoyer and professional darius lover i'm actually okay with#slightly off topic but season 2 has made me really appreciate kenlynn on its own because of how tragic and nuanced it is#so i think focusing on them instead is not only a better decision in terms of consistency and storytelling but it's just the more realistic#and satisfying choice right now#and that's not to say i think they'll be perfectly fine or even together again once they're reunited properly#in fact i very much hope she ends up alone and they all get closure from this#and there's always the possibility that later on the show might actually revisit dinostar again#which would be better than them trying to do so now in my opinion#idk this is probably a mess but i've been trying to think about how i felt about this love triangle for awhile and since s2 handled it#completely differently than i thought they would. i feel like it's not going to be that simple#and i just wish fans of all sides would kind of chill out on the characters lmao#jwct#chaos theory#jwct s2 spoilers#brooklynn jwct#jwct season 2 spoilers#dinostar#kenlynn#kenji kon#darius bowman#jurassic world
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I love offering Rory the choice between high-value snacks because she really does pick the one she wants in the moment. I rotate between three main snack types and the one she snubbed yesterday is often the one she wants today or vice versa. It's cool to see how the hierarchy of snacks changes in her heart day to day.
#dogblr#i try to give her as much agency in her life as possible#but being a city dog with no yard and an owner who works fulltime really does limit her choices#its so cool to me when she chooses a treat i fully thought she would reject#today she picked a goat horn which is high value but not usually higher value than a bully stick of beef cheek#its so fun for me to get glimpses of her inner workings#like wow!!!! this dog i spend every waking non-work minute with!!!!#this creature i nurture and care for and know inside and out!!!!!#she still makes choices that surprise me#its the fact that she doesnt consistently pick the same favourites i think#i wonder what she bases her decisions on#i wish i could actually read her mind#about aurora
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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(whispering) byan cries when given homecooked food
#like 75% of the time anyway. and that's only assuming they accepted the offering of food in the first place#a lot of the time (unless they're desperate) they reject food offers except from those who have gained a certain amount of trust#bc it feels too vulnerable to accept it. better to pretend they're fine.#anyway of you cook the food specifically for them you bump the chances of tears to 90%#if*#they will try so hard to stop it though. and then try even harder to hide it.#you'll probably see them with their head lowered too close to the plate so their bangs cover their eyes and their face isn't really in view#they don't get homemade often okay?? and the number of times it happens lowers further each year#...at least until they meet lena and sol who start cooking for them fairly regularly#but u get me with this. homecooked food hits fucking DIFFERENT when you've never gotten it consistently.#they've come to tie food like that to the concept of family. which is obviously not something they've had consistently#(and even then some families wouldn't cook much. others barely provided them with food.)#just!!!! byan has some issues when it comes to food!!!#and I have a lot of thoughts about it but I'm a lil too high to elaborate all that coherently lmao#━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ headcanon ⋮ danger in the fabric of this thing i made.
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Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them
this is one of my favorite asks and i love you
#nobody will ever stop me from getting excited about things i like#i just always feel like i'm not allowed to share that excitement with anybody directly because of being made fun of in the past#or like i at least have to tone it down by like 99% and make it very brief#because of fear of rejection so i keep it to myself contained in my own space#sometimes i really wanna talk about my favorite things with somebody but i'm like#'nobody knows or cares about this. what if i send something and they hate it and tell me it's horrible'#(a reaction i've been the most used to. either that or just silence)#and i wouldn't know who would actually be interested or if i would be putting them in a situation#where they're not interested at all but they're too nice to say it and then i feel annoying if i keep talking about it#because now even if it isn't SAID that they hate it i still always feel like people are thinking that behind it all#so like if somebody came at me right now telling me everything i like is horrible#that itself wouldn't really bother me because i could just block and continue life without a second thought about that person specifically#because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up#delete/block. not taking it personally and not worth thinking about#but it's the anxiety built up from it happening for so long and so consistently from so many people and some that i used to be close to#that now it feels to me that everybody feels that way even if i know LOGICALLY that it isn't true. the feeling is still there#it's one of the long-term effects that are so hard to get rid of once they're set#this is just another thing about myself to work on for probably my entire life#but russ has been helping me with so much lately it's unbelievable
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wait wait a damn minute, so saving minrathous locks you out of the lucanis romance? BUT saving treviso doesn’t lock you out of the neve romance?
And not only that, if you’re locked out of the lucanis romance, lucanis and neve still get together?? So you don’t have time for Rook now bc they saved minrathous but you’ll have time for Neve now?? The logic here isn’t logicing BioWare
#dragon age#veilguard spoilers#like this isn’t making sense#why does one lock us out but not the other#like if we save treviso we can still romance a hardened neve..#either lock them both out depending on the choice#or just let us romance them anyway?? like you did with neve??#I just don’t understand the decision here BioWare#but also like if rook can’t romance lucanis then make it so lucanis doesn’t just turn around and get with neve?#like let’s have some consistency here#bc the same reasons you are ‘rejecting’ rook is the same reason you should be ‘rejecting’ neve#tbh this is my only major gripe with the game so far bc it literally makes no fucking sense
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Mel for the unhinged character bingo!
yessss YEEEESSSSSSSSS
#ask me#so Mel is in the unenviable position of being a very strong character whose rights I support and whose wrongs I also fully support#BUT the way she's treated broadly in the fandom is so pervasive and so consistent and so frustrating to me that#I am in full -must protect my blorbo- mode with her at all times#-Mel's story is over so the only thing left for her to do is die-#-if Mel dies then J can get together with V and they will appreciate her for her sacrifice bc she died a hero who rejected Ambessa-#enough! enough I say!#what about proving to ambessa that she can take the throne for herself? what about the angst of defying her mother and her home country#and opposing those in Piltover who DO want war and want to raze the undercity#what about the magic that she's heavily foreshadowed to have and how it's different from hextech#and how it directly opposes but also parallels what is happening to Viktor#what about her -friends- abroad and the plot Mel was cooking through all of season 1 that has not been revealed yet#there's so much potential for her to have to confront the fact that J was slowly becoming a monster through season 1#and that she can't ignore the undercity forever#also what if whoever Ambessa says killed her brother comes after Mel too!#it is very frustrating to see Mel get dismissed as dead or evil or irredeemable or whatever when she is consistently#the most interesting person in the room in every single scene she's in and the character who shows the most conviction and change#so yeah i will take a bullet for her she is my blorbo I will despise any character who hurts her#and I would cradle her in my arms if she gave me a chance - which she would never! - but a girl can dream#however I also enjoy leaning into the idea that Mel is perceived as being a devil from the outside - Mel leans into it too when it serves#but it's in direct opposition to her ironclad values and the personality that she keeps hidden a layer down#I genuinely think that Mel will have a happy ending - or at least as happy an ending that an Arcane character can get lol#like I fully believe she will take the throne (Piltover) in the end but I can only guess at this point what that will cost her#I love putting Mel in situations but mainly to play with both how creative she can get and also how fucking far she will go to win#which is ANOTHER thing we know is probably true about Mel but has not been put on display yet#also Mel has already done a great job at separating what she wants for herself as a person from just being Ambessa's daughter#but Mel still deserves to get plenty of great therapy for that situation because OH GOD THAT CHILDHOOD FLASHBACK#also Kino is dead? maybe dead?? at least Mel fully believes he's dead so she needs therapy and hugs for that too#I am super normal about her can you tell
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i will forever think about my deconstructed damsel chapter 3 idea . god it could have been so good
#the idea of the chapter is obviously that you get there by deconstructing her#stubborn would be the added voice and thru the chapter your main goal would be to reconstruct her#to do so youd have to consistently push against the idea that she has to make you happy which ultimately results in you having to reject he#entirely. she would become more and more frustrated and upset that you wont just let her do this#and the chapter (in its most satisfying form of playing through it) would end with her fully reconstructed and fully angry at you#not necessarily a true anger moreso a one of the moment#but it still results in her storming out of the cabin and locking you in it#its a good arc for her i think. not only does she gain autonomy but also actively uses it *cough cough unlike a certain chapter*#but its also a good arc for smitten. hes still a lovesick fool but as she reconstructs he realizes that they cant be all the other cares ab#ut and that for the good of both of them he has to want something other than just making her happy just like she only wanted to make them#happy. stubborn is the one who pushes you to keep rejecting her even if it isnt what you truly want to do because its what Needs to be done#in order for her to be a real person. you have to be mean to her and you have to hurt her but it is for the greater goal of granting her he#own freedom. if you succeed in reconstructing her her perspective image in the shifty confrontation is the view of the woods outside#thats what was most important to her in the end. she didnt know it but that is ultimately what is true. she wanted to leave and she has#rattles the bars of my cage. if i could write id make fic of this or if i had the artistic stamina id make fake gameplay for this#unfortunately i do not#this chapter would be a very linear one but unlike most of the linear ones there Would still be an alternate ending! which is just if you#refuse to reconstruct her and she remains a ghost of your own creation
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Another note on my chronology that I’ve only just found the words for:
For convenience sake, I mostly ignore publication dates and treat it as if Watson is writing many of the stories in real time - otherwise I have to try to account for the fact Holmes regularly comments on stories he couldn’t possibly have read, not least because he’s “dead” at the time that Watson ‘actually’ wrote most of them.
Hell, the only stories he could have possibly even read Watson’s drafts for are A Study In Scarlet and The Sign Of Four.
Paradoxically however, if there’s a reference to previous stories (in publication order) that’s a bit too on the nose, I will call upon the fact Watson is writing in retrospect and chalk it up to self-promotion. (It’s weird that Holmes lists the last six stories you wrote in more or less the order they were published, Watson, and you owe me two nickels.)
#sherlock holmes#acd canon#i reject your chronology and substitute my own#the number 1 goal of this thing is internal consistency#but i’m not ashamed to go meta when it’s the only possible way to fudge things to make sense#if baring-gould gets to bullshit his timeline so do i - but at least i’m not giving watson seven wives for misogynistic reasons
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#WHY is it so fucking difficult to get people to contact me back about apartments??#i have contacted at least five different property managers/realtors/whatever the fuck you call the people who are supposed to respond#to questions about their properties and literally only one has actually responded#all the others have ignored multiple attempts at contact over the past two weeks#there was one other that emailed me back to tell me the property they were advertising (that is still listed as available) isn't actually#available and asked me to respond with info about what i'm looking for but they haven't gotten back to me again in several days#like how the fuck am i supposed to rent an apartment if no one is actually responding#and it's not even like my applications have been rejected or something because i can't even get to the point of submitting an application#like what the fuck??#and of course the only one that has gotten back to me consistently and reliably is the one for the apartment with no windows in the bedroom#which i don't even think is legal#but at this point it's my only option and i am very frustrated over that#like jesus christ this is obnoxious#anyway#moving drama#personal
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I don't wanna sound preachy but you could still totally do tattooing. It's supposed to be a clean environment. If youre overly cautious because of covid, it'll actually read as such a positive as a customer. That's just my 2 cents tho. I know tattooing is a lot of work.
that's true!!! you're definitely right about that but it just feels weird to be like so close to somebody for a huge chunk of time
#i know apprenticeships are also very hit and miss depending who you train under#and like ik they're worthwhile but they also cost a lot if they even decide to take you on#plus My Issue is like i live in an area where shops are straight up banned within city limits#and theyve been trying to get that corrected for years but its been consistently rejected#and so it comes down to shops i have experience with and would enjoy working under but arent accepting apprentices vs shops i dont know#who Might Hire Me#i don't think its like a completely dead dream i think i just need to be in a more financially stable place to take it on
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i'm also looking for a job right now (one of those studying a degree needing a graduate degree to work, fml) and the job market is so fucked right now. i hope you do find one soon.
thank you for your kind thoughts. i think at this point, barring any potential one-off gigs i might get asked to play, it's really unlikely i'll get a job this summer. on the bright side i DO have a job lined up for the fall -- i'm working a fellowship at my university while i'm in grad school. it doesn't pay very much, but it funds the degree which is as good as deal as i could hope for (esp cause my program will probably take up to three years). i just really really wish i had something to do in the meantime over the summer; i hate sitting around without something to Do, and i'm bad at motivating myself to do stuff, and i hate the fact that i'm not able to contribute significantly to my own expenses yet. (of course i've extremely grateful to have a support system willing to help me while i'm at this point in my life, but i do WANT to be able to support myself at least in part by now.) but considering the fact that it's already mid june (and i'm out of the country for a week pretty soon), even if there were seasonal positions still available around me no one is realistically gonna hire me for only two months of work. i think i'm pretty much fucked on that account and i just have to get over it at this point. still, it would be nice if even a fraction of the jobs i've applied to so far would even message me back...but almost none of them have. sigh!
#sasha answers#anon#ty for your care. i appreciate it i do#and i hope you get a job soon as well#it just sucks. it's so frustrating. i can't even get a crummy grocery store cashier or barista job#which is about the only thing i'm 'qualified' for (because the qualifications don't require experience)#(and i still somehow get ignored or rejected when i apply...)#the only other shit that's consistently pushed at me on indeed are waitressing jobs and I Cannot Do That#like physically i would not be able to work that job (and i would probably crumple the second a customer was shitty to me)#(but i can't be on my feet for that long without significant breaks i'm just not physically capable)#what fucking gets me too is that like...i applied to internships and stuff that i AM qualified for.#i applied to performing arts jobs#i got interviewed for some of them! i thought i had a really good shot!#but i was rejected from all of them and i don't even really know why#which is just. really upsetting#especially when i have friends my age (and younger! with as much or less experience as me!) getting jobs in this field#jobs they love and love to talk about#and they're my friends. i am so happy for them. i am. i swear#but it also does sting a bit every time#knowing that they got it and i didn't#and some of them like to say how easy it is. how great a gig it is.#just apply! there are so many positions! you don't need a lot of experience! you would love it!#well. i would love it. i know i would. that's why i applied to similar programs here#and i got rejected.#everytime.#and now it's june and i have nothing to do with myself except waste time on tumblr and bake#and it just. sucks.#anyway.#i wanna talk about me#man i even picked my grad program specifically to make sure it would give me Marketable Skills(tm) when i'm out too.
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how is one meant to stay silly under these conditions
#the education system is failinggg me#there are no actually suitable schools within a decent vicinity that are able to take me#i haven't gone to any school properly since the first two weeks of this year#and i haven't attended a school consistently for 2.5 years#worst part it isn't even my fault!#i mean ok the first 1.5 years when i was enrolled at this catholic co-ed school kinda were#but i couldn't sustainably go anywhere as a girl i mean. oh i dunno maybe i could have tried harder#but this past year is not my fault!! just there is absolutely nowhere that will take me#distance education is also very full and so difficult to get into and it wouldn't even be an ideal option#the 1 (one) co-ed public school with space i can't even go to because the principal admitted it would not be safe#and now next year is. not looking hopeful#the past couple weeks i've been going to the only school where i have a guaranteed spot - local all girls :(#just for a couple hours a day doing fuck all in the library it's been good for my sleep schedule if nothing else#but i really really do not want to go there as one of three trans boys and no fucking way as a girl. hueduhugh#i still haven't heard back from a few of the options for next year hoping beyond hopes at least one of them will take me#one of the two actually good options has rejected me#so hoping the other good option will have space but god it's really unlikely#i'll take anywhere though i just. huhfriuhg i really need to go back to school man i've missed genuinely nearly half of all my high school#it's. yeah it's really not good#no fucking clue what i'll do if none of the schools accept me for next year. explode mayhaps#and this sucks because i actually really like school i was always SO good at school!! but then the social things prevented me from going!!#and now the slight bit of hope is dwindling! i hate this#anyway. :))
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love acceptances think getting litmag acceptances is sooo fun and exciting but also think it's also important to treat just submitting as exciting and fun and a success because of the fact that you are so brave for doing it
#this post is not a joke btw. i have Submission Serotonin rn!! love doing submission goals more than rejection or acceptance goals#trying to get into the vibe of doing it more consistently lately its just been like one every 2 months or smth!!!#there's something about the rush from hitting submit send etc LOL#i have a rule where i have to submit something the same day i get a rejection#doesnt have to be the same story just like replaces that sting with yayyyy i submitted something#also helps me maintain writing flash etc consistently so i have a little squad of flash pieces#that im sending out to places all at once
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