#i shouldnt be allowed to answer asks ever

[gamblersdoll]

THE WARM THE COLD THE SIX.. chapter 3

tw: 18+, fingering, oral (f receiving) praise, degrading, reader had body piercings, pure filth when it gets there, reader is sleep in first portion.

“maiakai is going to regret talking to her.” both geto and gojo thought, hearing over the span of two days that you were supposed to go “out” with him or how he was coming over.

you and maiakai werent dating, but could you? probably not.

you spent some times cleaning up the place just in case he did want to come over, causing geto and gojo slightly on edge. gojo decided to try and distract you of your cleaning, making sure that if maiakai did come over, itd be trashy.

“so.. my wife, how tall are you?” gojo asked, his signature grin and his signature arm slung around your shoulders. he already knew the answer to that, but it was anything to keep you distracted.

geto would purposely make a little bit of a mess, contrary to belief. he wouldnt clean the dishes like he normally would or wouldnt collect his shedded hair. or hed spill hot candle wax on the table.

“what is your problem, you two??” you had asked, growing annoyed about their behavior, which wasnt normal for geto, or has satoru ever been this annoying.

they shrugged, pretending like they didnt know what you were talking about, so you ignored them too and decided to get dressed for whatever were to come to you. maiakai had texted you.

“coming over.” it had read, causing a lurch in your stomach. you quickly got dressed, went over some things and took deep breaths. your makeup looked decent, you looked great.

once you heard the doorbell going off, you bolted to the door, opening it and welcoming him in.

“nice place!” he had complimented you, then spotting the two boys sitting on the couch playing some random game. “who’re you two?”

gojo and geto didnt like the way he worded that.

“these are my roommates, geto and gojo… please ignore them.” you had said, hoping they wouldnt ruin your chances.

gojo saw his opportunity, so he took it. he is satoru gojo anyway.

“ i thought we were more than that?” he pretended to whine, feeling hurt. he frowned, pouting. maiakai was definitely confused now.

“what does he..” maiakai started to say, before you cut him off.

“hes an idiot, please ignore him.” you said, shooing gojo away.

“but i thought we all were involved with each other?” geto chimed in, putting on a confused look. “ did we do something wrong, love? is that why youre mad at us?” he pressed, putting down the controller.

maiakai definitely didnt want to be apart of this, so he decided to look else where.

“yeah.. think i should go.” maiakai said, making his way to the door quickly. you had tried to convince him to stay, but to no avail but only a door shut in your face.

gojo and geto were happy that he was finally out the picture, but ready to deal with a angry you.

“what the fuck is your problem?!” you asked, gritting your teeth at them. “because of a boy?!” you had asked, folding your arms.

geto somewhat felt bad, so he spoke for the both of them. “we uh.. didnt want you to leave.” he said, ashamed.

gojo didn’t pay you any mind, still focused on that damn game.

“yeah well, you won , assholes.” you said, storming off into your room, slamming it. while geto felt bad, gojo didnt feel any remorse. you shouldnt have allowed it, simply put.

“we have to make it up to her somehow, satoru.” geto said, feeling embarrassed about his behalf today.

…….

hours had went by now, and you were probably asleep. geto and gojo went to go check in on you, only opening the door to a surprise.

you were definitely asleep, but only sleeping in a oversized shirt and panties that they could see on display, making gojo’s pants tight.

“we need to apologize, satoru.” geto whispered to him, trying his best to be respectful. gojo shooed him off, scoffing.

“we are, we are.” he said, making his way to your bed. geto sighed, feeling like he has an idea of how to apologize.

two peas in a pod, you would say. geto softly and slowly flipped you on your back, careful to not wake you. and both slipped off your panties carefully so it wouldnt be too rough.

“fuck, her pussy smell’s delightful.” gojo groaned, wanting to dive in right then and there.

two peas in a pod.

geto and gojo looked at each other, and poked their tongues out to lick at your clit, causing you to moan softly in your slumber, and your clit throbbed. gojo, being a little shit, lapped and softly suckled on your clit, your folds, and your thigh.

“gojo, youll wake her up-“

“what the hell?” you said, groggily and a soft moan rippling through your throat. geto froze, and gojo leaned up to your face.

“wanted to apologizeee…” dragging out the last word, kissing on your neck. geto looked up at you, slightly nervous but still suckling on your clit.

“we’re sorry..” geto said, slightly muffled. gojo shook his head, sucking on your ear and chuckling.

“im not apologizing for something i was forced to do.” gojo snickered, sneaking his hand under your shirt and chuckling. he looked at geto, watching how he slurps on your pussy and apologizes, how hes sorry for making you angry. his hand stopped, and he looked at you..

“whats wrong, sat—“

“this bitch has nipple piercings.” gojo said, ripping your shirt off and suckling on them, swirling a nipple in his mouth and moaning.

all three of you were a mess, by time gojo was stroking himself, geto had slipped two fingers into your sloppy pussy, curling and brushing against your gummy walls as you sniffled and moaned.

“you cryin?” gojo leaned in your ear, twisting and pinching your prettied up nipples.

you shook your head, biting your lip until you felt yourself coming down.

“im gunna cum!” you moaned, arching your back and pawing at getos head, tugging on his long locks of hair.

“cum for him, pretty slut.”

“we’re sorry, beautiful, cum fer me.” geto said, mouth full of your cunt and what now is your essence.

after your orgasm, you shook for a bit until you jumped slight, only for it to be gojo and geto cleaning you up.

“still mad at us, beautiful?” geto had asked, hoping you wouldn’t be anymore.

“not right not.” you had said, allowing gojo to brush up against you in a embrace and allowing geto to reciprocate.

[personasintro]

Your story is popular Mimi, there’s always going to be positive and negative feedback. If you thought there was going to be only positive feedback, then you‘re delusional.

Some of the asks about Kiko are related to something it has already been pointed out. CH 57 and cero progress has been made, literally. Whatever ending you have planned, you should move forward to it. Cause we will reach 2025 and they will still be fucking and being best friends.

Besides, I want to point out that you often reply „go touch some grass“ „get a grip“ etc to the not positive feedback. Shouldnt you follow you own advice? It is just a fanfic, it is not your job or your source of income, why are you allowed to be deffensive and have an attitude about a ridiculous fanfic and not some readers? Why some readers are allowed to so adamantly defend you and to be so passionate about it and there‘s no „touch some grass“ comment?. To be honest, it is just hypocrisy.

I think ppl gotta realize that even if they were still friends and fucking that it’s okay ??? Because it’s my story and I decided to write it this way ?? You could just think the story wasn’t up to your standard and that’s okay. I’ve been attacked countless times ever since MH started and I don’t expect you to understand.

But there’s a difference between being an ass and saying politely “listen I don’t like this” ; even that wouldn’t be my problem. I know what I’m doing, I love my story and I’m sorry if someone doesn’t but let’s just move on? Why so much negativity and anger? This is my blog, my space and I want it to be peaceful. That doesn’t mean I hate criticism or whatever some of you would come up with. I just chose to make my boundary and let it known. I don’t expect any of you to understand that because in the end, we are all different and you’re not in my position, so I don’t think you’d be ever able to relate to me.

You don’t get the messages I do, full of anger and frustration and hate. All of my answers are bluntly ignored and I’m constantly attacked by the same thing.

And I do think some of you need to chill the fuck out. You should know your place. Sending hateful anonymous messages is totally okay, right?

There’s a simple solution and that is if you don’t like me, my stories or whatever that has to do with me — just go and don’t come back. Just leave me alone and let me write my stories the way I want to for people who read them and like them.

Is that so hard to ask for?

[lemedstudent2021]

Where should Jews live? Where do they belong? Where do you consider their native land to be? Honest question.

an honest question deserves an honest answer so here ya go:

Anywhere and everywhere. Jews- the followers of the Abrahamic religion Judaism- along with Muslims, Christians, Atheists, Sikhs, Vegans, and literally any human being under the sun have the right to live wherever they please (given certain criteria are met like visas and that it isnt a military station/ off limits area etc).

Yes my dear reader(s) you read that right; ones faith or lack thereof shouldnt be an obstacle in any aspect of ones life, be it medical services, education, job opportunities, so on and so forth. How novel.

That answers where they 'should' live (although I dont by any means impose anything on anyone; y'all do whatever as long as its legal and harms no one including yourself. God bless). Could is more accurate.

As for where they 'belong', this in my opinion is one of the beauties of religion: people from all walks of life can belong to a religion. Diversity lies at the heart of our existence as human beings and denying it is like denying the existence of the sun. Tolerance is a must if we are ever going to get along with each other. And this belonging isn't irrevocabley tied to geography. But I digress :)

Quick aside just so we're all on the same page: converting to a religion renders you just as valid and equal as someone born into a religion. Most if not all religions preach equality between their followers regardless of background, so i wont hear anything of 'oh theyre not real xyz' or 'they dont count' or any of that bs.

By this logic (religious demographics are, generally speaking, very diverse), there is no 'this set of people belong here, and those over there' ...and proof of that in a sense would be atheists/ agnostics; where would they 'belong'? Antarctica? Outer space? alright ill stop XD

If that were the case, most of the planet would be crammed in the Middle East lol [Syria, Jordan, and Lebanon alone are home to 34M (as of 2023), and the followers of the 3 main Abrahamic religions are an estimated 3.4B (as of 2020) globally. We wouldnt fit even if we used one of these]. Yeah nationality/ race/ ethnicity/ background influence and maybe even dictate one's religious identity, but it isn't the all or nothing we may think it to be.

Which brings us nicely to the next point, and here if you'll allow me i'd like to correct it to native land of Judaism (where it originated/ flourished/ spread whatever) as opposed to native land of Jews because as i mentioned above, a religion doesnt (or shouldnt) differentiate nor discriminate between its followers. By restricting them to one geographical location (and for some using it as an indicator of their authenticity) we do them great disservice as well as contradict the teachings themselves. A demonstration:

Im Jordanian right, (dad's maternal side are from bilad al sham; Syria) and im a born Muslim alhamdulillah. My dads Malaysian roommates from his uni days are also born Muslims (and have the best food lol, my all time favourite is lemak cili padi) and seperating us on the basis of them not being Arab or Middle Eastern is unislamic, intolerant, xenophobic, and wrong on every level. Alternatively, im just as Muslim as someone from Mecca or Medina. We're all Muslim. we are the world...

Circling back, Judaism the religion is native to the Holy land (I guess you can say it started in Egypt till it moved there but idk. Regardless), and Jews (adherants of the faith) can't in my humble opinion be fairly categorised as one monolithic unit... just like any and every other faith out there.

Another quick aside; this is merely a tumblr post that cant do the history and culture and intricacies and so much more of this matter a portion of the justice it deserves. I am but a tired medical student answering to the best of my abilities a question I was asked with my limited knowledge in theology and perspective in general, so do me a favour and keep that in mind. And to anyone reading this if you have questions or corrections or resources or anything you want to mention be my guest :)

If you're still here, I'm both grateful and amused. Here's what you probably came for, the piece de resistance if you will: 🍉israel🍉

Disclaimer: thanks for reading this far, but if you disagree in any way shape or form with any of the 30 human rights articles, you may as well stop reading and put your device through the shredder. Bigots, racists, fascists, anti vaxxers etc. dni

So far ive seen this idea, call it what you will, two times (which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened to me twice consecutively), that claims the freedom of Palestine equals a genocide of the Jews.

Er, no? No ma'am. One does not solve a genocide by comitting another genocide. What part of 'never again' are we missing here?

Before we get into politcal nominations and factions and other territories i dont plan on invading (pun intended) but might accidentally cross anyway (I forgot where i was going with this) i want to remind everyone that Judaism is not synonymous with Israel nor zionism (if u disagree with this go ahead and shred ur device too).

A refresher: Judaism is a religion, Israel is an illegal-occupying-apartheid-state, and Zionism is a movement/ ideology

So 'genocide of the Jews' is both wrong (diction) and more wrong (factually incorrect) in that the liberation of Palestine means freedom from oppression, discrimination, settler colonialism... the whole nine yards. Enough bloodshed already its been nearly 76 years.

When Netenyahu is eventually drop kicked out of office (and hopefully hung, drawn, and quartered for his plentiful warcrimes) what happens to the (illegal) citizens of Israel? Well first off, return the stolen homes and land to their rightful owners who have the keys (and documents if they werent tampered with or erased) to prove it.

As for the illegal-under-international-law settlements and new also illegal establishments; I have no idea what international laws will decree (not that I have that much faith in the judiciary system), but I assume they will be seized and evicted of the illegal tenants (how you like me now?) and given to those who have been displaced or homes ruined etc. because its theirs and theirs alone and it was unlawfully and cruelly taken away from them and not because the (remaining lol) former Israeli citizens can't or shouldn't live in palestine. they can go live somewhere where its legal. the priority is Palestinians tho.

What about the indigenous everyone else? As long as their houses aren't stolen or illegal they can should stay because its legal and its theirs and thats that. you cannot kick someone out of their home to give it to another (which was the basis of the creation of Israel.) because its ✨i l l e g a l✨

And the people who dont belong so to speak? I think this one's case by case; like I said at the very, very beginning; people have the right to live wherever as long as its legal and ok to do so regardless of faith or background, and no one should be denied their right to live in Palestine as a country like any other, but they certainly must be denied living in homes stolen and given to them because thats, say it with me now, illegal <3

[coruscqte]

dear @lesbianbootheng + @sundays-wing-piercing ask and ye shall receive! i have some answers for you about xiayu under the cut :)

the astral express trio:

- xiayu’s parents! dan heng, stelle and march 7th are probably one of the longer passengers of the express, definitely spend a couple years (read: closer to a decade) still aboard the train with pom-pom, himeko and welt

- (crossing every finger on my hands himeko survives hsr)

- regardless of what happens towards endgame, the three of them are dating for quite a while before dan heng finally actually asks to mate with both of them. stelle and march (obviously) readily accepted. i think march made a bigger deal out of it than the other two intended it to be, but it was a cute little party with their friends to celebrate it.

- (perhaps the luofu races have mating ceremonies? headcanon i suppose)

- im not sure if marriage is a concept in hsr (as we still havent come across any married couples yet) but they have matching jewelry. necklaces, with jade pendants on the chain. for two people who use two handed weapons, rings were out of the question anyway.

-xiayu was wholeheartedly an entire accident. i dont think dan heng ever expected to be able to have children of his own for obvious reasons, it probably never really crossed stelle’s mind, but march mightve had some serious baby fever a few times in those ten years. just because they were cute, not so much because she wanted to raise one.

- but i also think all three of them were pretty okay not being parents because being a nameless is dangerous work. as many times as theyve come home to the express scratched and beaten to hell, it wasnt something they wanted to put onto a child.

- but again, xiayu. she’s an odd little bean. mostly because how she came into existence at all is a bit of an ongoing question even bailu's still stumped over decades later. vidyadhara shouldnt be able to reproduce, yet her running theory is that something about the stellaron + vidyadhara biology interacted and the three of them just got unreasonably lucky.

-(or unlucky, if you ask a very morning sick dan heng)

-i don't care to get into the nitty gritty or even just details of how one child came from three different people, im very handwavey in that sense. easy enough to say dh (for lack of better terms) incubated her egg, she stayed in said egg for another couple months after being “born”ish and pop goes the new vidyadhara baby lol

- egg! i hc xiayu came out of an egg just like any other vidyadhara, but she cracked out of it way earlier because she’s a brand new person. in that in between time thought, she was carried around by the three of them. one of them was always with her, whether on them or in the little nest she stayed in.

- march was no longer allowed to go shopping for xiayu somewhere around a month or so before she was born. himeko was required to go with her if she wanted to buy anything else for the baby — one kid only needed so many things, and march was not the best about staying on topic. or budget.

- stelle was also, naturally, excited. but mostly curious, after all the only vidyadhara child she’d met was bailu, so she was a little concerned itd be different from human children. still, shes the one that assembled the creche and such, as well as sitting w the egg most of the time. the stellaron helped keep it warm.

- i think dan heng was the most worried about xiayu. from the fact that he was the one who incubated her to another fact that theyd created a whole new person together, he was a bit of a nervous wreck. tried not to show it much, failed pretty miserably towards the end of that period.

- xiayu’s egg cracked while march and stelle were away on a trailblaze mission, terribly harrowing moment for everyone involved when dan heng called in a panic. thankfully, she waited to make her proper debut until her moms could be there but dan heng had never been more stressed

- i have a very clear vision in mind of their skin-to-skin session directly after xiayu cracked her egg. gently pulling the shards off their daughter, cleaning her up a little. pulled close to stelle’s chest, warm and so soft. all three of them absolutely in love. there were tears. lots of them.

- so, so small. even with the extra time in her egg she was still smaller than most vidyadhara “newborns”. certainly smaller than dan heng had been — had he ever been that small? as innocent as the little person staring up at him? he doesnt know.

- and a million and one photos taken by march afterwards. she documented all of her achievements and milestones with her trusty camera. she never wants to forget these moments, her first moments as a mom, her first moments with her daughter.

- stelle is so content with her baby. parenthood was something she’d been mostly neutral on the whole process, and yet it seemed like everything they did was worth it. healthy, cooing in her arms, these cute little fingers that all wrapped around one of her fingers with a surprisingly strong grip. oh yes, xiayu was her baby. she’d be up to bat soon enough.

about xiayu:

- xiayu was a terribly fussy baby. never wanted to be left alone, never really wanted to nap, cried probably excessively. but she also babbled plenty, was all too happy to spend some time on her parents hip or to see the stars outside the express. this is why welt coined the nickname nova for her. the way her little eyes would light up in the parlor car seeing space was just adorable.

- dan heng purrs. this is relevant because i think a content xiayu also purrs.

- floppy toddler. likes to scare her parents a little by just going limp whenever. contrary to stelle’s belief, this is not as funny as xiayu thinks it is to her other parents lol.

- stelle likes to toss xiayu in the air. dan heng is not as big of a fan. march im not sure minds, she just loves that xiayu is happy.

- stelle is more of a … hm, a mom who cares a lot but doesn’t smother. likes to let xiayu figure things out on her own, see the world for herself. of course, she always keeps an eye on her, ready to swoop in whenever.

- march is more of an emotional mum. she leads by her heart, as per usual, and xiayu usually goes to her for comfort naturally. ofc she goes to all of them, but if she just wants to be babied, its march she seeks out.

- march and dan heng are usually the ones dressing her, you can tell who did what rather easily.

- dan heng isnt … strict per se (he values xiayu’s autonomy and freedom just as much as he values his own) but he is more worrying than stelle or march. perhaps its because she’s the first new vidyadhara theyve had in literal centuries, or that a fear of the preceptors finding her scares him shitless, or just trying to keep his own fears in line, he keeps her safe the best he knows how — with his tail wrapped around her middle if she wanders too far away.

- (though, xiayu thinks this is hilarious and attempts to run away a lot. it was a curse for her to pick up toddling so quicky)

- she has a raccoon toy that goes with her everywhere lol. his name is caelus 😌

- infinite loop of “goes ask your mom” “go ask your mum” “go ask your dad”

- stelle is called mama, march is mummy, and dan heng is baba in the early years. as xiayu matures it becomes mom, mum and dad.

- auntie himeko and uncle welt! xiayu likes to see the maps and such that himeko works with, and welt usually has a different selection of books than dan heng has. it’s a treat when they visit.

- the four of them live on the luofu until xiayu is about twelve. it’s simply safer to have a baby in a more concrete location, and have a permanent home base. they disembark the astral express for a few years, but promise to return when she gets a little older.

- given they dont stay long. dan heng is far too paranoid about the preceptors doing something terrible to her, and xiayu isn’t well received by the wider vidyadhara community. people find out eventually that she’s a descendant of dan feng, and hell breaks loose. when she comes home crying one day from lessons that her playmates won’t play with her anymore, dan heng blames himself even if his partners tell him not to.

- jing yuan does enjoy her visits when they bring her around. after all, who could say no to such a cute face? (march concurs. dan heng is worried about the pair of them). a beloved baby under the watchful eye of the luofu’s general.

- bailu is just happy to have another baby vidyadhara around, though the concept is a bit foreign.

- xiayu doesnt call the luofu home, which opens up confusion when introducing herself. the express is her home, moreso than somewhere that didnt even truly accept her.

all about trailblazer xiayu:

- xiayu herself is a bright soul with a great deal of trailblazer branded curiosity about the world around her. she just loves to explore, and has a semi decent sense of direction — its rare that she gets truly lost

- if she were playable, she would be nihility / imaginary. five star, obviously.

- her tone is a little bit deeper than that of march’s , probably alongside the timbre of stelle’s.

- star carver was commissioned by dan heng for her, and march and stelle had some input on it as well. theres a three star motif on the hand grip and on the axe blades themselves. its her birthright and beloved axe, though she doesn’t use it much until she boards the astral express as a proper trailblazer when she’s about twenty.

- never a quiet moment with xiayu. she always has something to say or something to share. bit of a yapper depending on the parent shes with. she and march are usually the ones doing something together, while pompom has probably lost a vase or two in the observatory car to xiayu and stelle working w their weapons. she doesnt really do the whole silence thing well, but it is comfortable with her dad while they work on separate things in the archives.

- i do think dan heng tries his best to teach xiayu about her heritage. whether she dislikes the luofu or not, she does still need to know what his kin do. im not sure if shes terribly talented with cloudhymn magic though, considering shes only been to scalegorge a few times with her father.

- xiayu i dont think considers herself vidyadhara. only for her lifespan, but otherwise chooses not to identify with them first. i think the wider community is split on opinion, but most are just in awe of her existence.

- at twenty, xiayu is considered a full trailblazer, and begins accompanying the current passengers on missions. by this time, stelle and march are both around 50ish, so theyre not always in attendance (similar to welt) but when they can be, they are.

- i think her parents are, understandably, a bit protective of xiayu when out and about on missions. they compromise that she always keeps her phone on if she just Has to go wandering around, but otherwise theyre usually together.

- she is not allowed to touch the archive, even as an adult. only for entries not organization lol

- she does get her own room on the express! big window to space, little window rest for her to sit and more often, nap on.

- i think she takes after march the most, easily. but you can see dan heng in her mannerisms, her quiet thinking at times. its stelle you can see when shes in a fight, those swings are trailblazer brand lol. and perhaps, when she goes about collecting trinkets wherever the express has stopped — akin to stelle’s foraging.

- re: vidyadhara: vidyadhara usually live anywhere from 10 days to aeons know how long. for those aboard the xianzhou alliance, likely children remain a bit younger-minded for longer. xiayu has always considered herself an adult when her parents began treating her as one, so her experiences on the luofu are a bit skewed. to put it simply, she is not particularly happy about some things being age restricted to those a hundred years and over.

- primarily, sushang and bailu are usually the ones accompanying her out and about. this helps her get around these restrictions a lot of the time.

- now, all good things usually come to an end. by the time xiayu is barely forty, march and stelle are already in their 70s. its odd, watching your moms age and grow grey hairs and wrinkles while your father looks nearly the same as he has all forty years youve been alive.

- they return to their old home on the luofu for their twilight years, while xiayu remains on the astral express.

- stelle doesn’t live to see xiayu’s fiftieth birthday.

- (contingent on hsr not removing the stellaron from the trailblazer) the stellaron was already corrupting her since before xiayu was even conceived, and age catching up with her rapidly doesn’t help. she passes away relatively quietly in her sleep at 74.

- xiayu was with her, curled up on her side. she won’t ever forget that moment when her mom didnt wake with her.

- the rest of the family is, obviously, devastated. little spider cracks appear then and there in xiayu, trying to stay positive for her parents. arguably not dissimilar to march, but even she has to admit that things won’t quite ever be the same without stelle.

- march goes later. it’s quiet, when she goes. dan heng is the one to discover her this time. around when she’s eighty six. xiayu is barely fifty five.

- this is where i think xiayu’s brand of whimsy comes in. xiayu has always been between worlds, treated like a short lived person by her immediate family, treated like she’s live centuries by her peers. in that disconnect, xiayu’s mental cracks.

- she calls stelle and march as if they were still alive, just waiting on them to pick up their voicemails. she takes pictures for march, sending texts and just ignoring the error messages. after all the signal is probably just bad, right? she keeps stelle’s original jacket to wear and march’s hair clips, after all, theyll come back soon enough.

- dan heng tries his best to cope for the same reasons. hes known that he’d outlive his partners, but hadnt been really thinking about it until theyd moved back to the luofu. he tries to keep xiayu safe the best he can, to the point of occasionally overstepping. shes not allowed to leave into the mara struck areas without sushang or yanqing, shouldnt be away for too many days. even on the express he has her check in with him or with someone who can contact him.

- its a mess. they both love each other to pieces because theyre all the other has left, but dan heng hasn’t exactly helped much to cope with march and stelle being gone. if anything they just keep feeding into each other.

- but for about fifty years, it was truly joyful. after all, caelus still accompanies her on her travels.

edit: send in writing / art prompts for her if youd like! ill happily do even more brain rotting over her by request lol

[actualbird]

Before the actual ask, i have a suggestion: maybe add some general non-tot asks/req rules? bc i'm writing this rn like "this may be uncomfortable but i don't want to make you uncomfortable but i don't know if it will make you uncomfortable but-" 😭😭😭

now um, my ask:

i'm currently getting struck by gender dysphoria at very random moments and i don't like it. thing is, i don't know what my gender might be since it goes both ways and I was wondering, if you wouldn't mind sharing: how did you figure out you're trans?

hi anon!!! lemme go thru this one by one but first, i wanna preface everything with: dont worry, none of this makes me uncomfortable and you said nothing wrong. theres nothing here that cause for panic on ur end, it's alright, ur alright :D

okay so

on general non-tot asks/req rules:

i do have these rules!! theyre just not as Many as my tot-specific ones, but on my rules page u'll find these in the 2nd section :D

theyre like, reaaaaally general but the overall rule for all other asks is basically "be nice, i cant read tone well, and dont spam" so no worries, ur all good. i dont wanna make these rules any more specific because everything else seems like a case to case basis yknow

and now to the bulk of my answer

on trans stuff:

short answer on how i found out i was trans: it made me happy. god, it made me so happy and it makes me happy to this day.

long answer: come with me, anon, through my gender journey through the years....JKSDHVFKJSDHVKFSD

ok so for the longest time i knew i wasnt completely woman aligned in the gender department. like, from ages 14-20 i had identified as a bunch of different genders. first i identified as bigender, then i backpedaled and went back to just having "she/her" in my bio because i had a Moment Of Panic wondering "no no the Genders are for people who Really Truly Identify (whatever that means) and i shouldnt co-opt these terms because im not even sure what i am!! im not allowed to identify as bigender until i really figure it out!!*", and then for a while i identified as nonbinary, and then the pandemic happened which i think hilariously due to the lockdowns had the cool side effect of many people figuring out Personal Things and at some point in 2021 i was like ".....hey im a guy, actually. it makes me happy to be a guy"

*sidenote 1: this "but am i allowed to?" worry is a common thing i see a lot from other people also going through their journey of questioning their gender, and i wanna talk about it specifically later on in this response, but bACK ON TOPIC FIRST---

sidenote 2: yes, like a pokemon trainer, i have collected the three starter pronouns. she, they, and he. KJHAVFLASVFALSJK

backtracking through the other genders i had identified as, i'd chosen them all at the time for similar reasons: joy. i identified as bigender because i felt recognized for the first time, an identity where i could be both feminine and masculine. i identified as nonbinary because i adored the comfort of that freedom and that fluidity. i identify as a trans guy now because i realized that i can find joy in being a guy and still enjoy expression of "non-guy" things because guys who like pink and frilly fashion and plushies is still a valid and real type of guy, it's the type of guy i am. and these are more on the positive markers of gender expression, the opposite of gender dysphoria: gender euphoria, the happiness when gender stuff feels just right

btw, you are indeed using the term gender dysphoria correctly. that simply pertains to any kind of distress or upsetness due to gender things Not feeling right. within that definition, theres no requirement for you Already Having To Identify to use it, because otherwise thatd mean anybody who found out they were trans only after experiencing gender dysphoria was using it incorrectly, which seems rather silly. and even if the definition Did have that requirement.......who cares? JKHDFVSKDJHFVKSD i mean that in the most genuine and sincere way ever, because so long as it is harming nobody, who cares what word you use? sure, a Bunch of people care actually, and a bunch of people will pitch a fit policing on being allowed to use certain gender words and whatnot. but in general ive taken to trying to remember that like.....gender stuff is a Personal thing. it is the business of the Person Themselves, as it is our identity. it is up to us to define it, to explore it, to make our own choices on it. and well....generally, people who think your expression is any of their business is, at best, nosy, or at worse, a bigot.

i went on a tangent there sorry VSDFLJBFL, but my point is dont worry, youre using the term right. if youre feeling Not Good because something about The Genders doesnt fit, yeah thats dysphoria. and im so so sorry youre experiencing this, because it sucks

i said before that my main marker for realizing gender stuffs was the presence of a positive emotion, instead of the presence of a negative one. but i also experienced gender dysphoria, it just wasnt as big of a thing in my own journey. for me, it was less of a wrongness and more of a vague...discomfort. like wearing shoes that dont fit. it's fine some days but other days i couldnt stand it but my legs still work and i was much more focused on the times i Did find figurative shoes that fit immensely well.

.....oh something i think that wld be important for me to mention is that i kinda....somehow always knew i was of Another Gender. but i kept hesitating and kept backtracking because, kinda like what you say, it went both ways for me

im a guy. but i also really liked things that are traditionally seen as feminine, i still do. ive got a closet full of lolita fashion dresses, mixed in with the ridiculous amounts of plaid shirts ive got. throughout my life, i was never really regarded as masculine by other people, more often i was seen by others as some kind of manic pixie androgynous being. and these things, they made me hesitate. how can i be a guy if so much of who i am is seen by others as Not-Guy stuff?

well, eventually it's cuz i figured that what others think should have nothing to do with who i am and who i choose to be. relating back to what i said about Genders being a personal thing yknow. why was i so worried about what other people thought of a thing that only concerned me?

yknow one of the most gender affirming experiences ive ever had in my life was back was i was in college. i was just going out and about for a group work thing, and the classmates along with me were rowdy manly cisguys and i was feeling low and it showed, i was all meek and sad and shit. and then this lady came up to me, and i didnt get to know if she was a transwoman or a femme presenting gay man, but she sat with me and chatted with me and eventually she asked

(this convo happened in filipino but roughly translated it went)

her: do you want to be a boy?

me: yes (i answered so instinctively. at the time, i was identifying as nonbinary, but she asked a question and i gave my honest answer. yes. yes i did.)

her: well, youre very handsome! youre more handsome than any of them //gestures at the cisguy classmates

and that stucks with me to this day. another queer person asking Me what I Wanted, and affirming that. didnt matter that i looked like how i looked, that i obviously wasnt as objectively or normatively masculine as the cismen around us. what mattered was what i wanted, and i was handsome for it, and that was that.

after that we just talked about pop music, but i felt so good the rest of the day

now...on the unwritten question here of "how do you (as in, anon, or any other reader out there) know you're trans (or any kind of other gender designation)?" or if you already know you are some other gender, how do you figure it out? who do you ask?:

im sorry for how cheesy or seemingly unhelpful what im going to say next is, but i cannot stress how crucial it is: the only person who can ever answer these is You. ask yourself what makes you happy, what would alleviate your discomfort, what would cause comfort, what youre drawn to, etc.

but if i can give any unsolicited advice on that....itd be to make sure that the person youre asking, the person who is giving the answer, is really You. not the thoughts or opinions of other people, not the rules of what is considered 'norm', not the fears or the worries circling around the question, dont ask those things dont find the answer in those things. the person to give the answers is You.

and btw!! You can change sometimes. and sometimes your answer can change too, and thats okay if ever that happens. all my prior answers to this question changed in through life, and it doesnt mean any of my prior answers were wrong (sans the time i backpedaled, because then i wasnt getting the answer from Me, i was getting the answer from Worries). it just meant that those were the answers for Me when i was at that stage of my life.

tldr: i figured out i was trans because it made me so damn happy to be and also because i stopped giving a shit about what other people thought

i hope this response makes sense and that theres something in here that can help you out. im wishing you the best, anon <3

[shinraapologist]

im coming into your askbox now...! whats yr fave thing abt shinra? and do u have a fave official art of him? :3

I LOOOOOVE SHIIIIIIINRAAAAAAAAAA. I LOVE SHINRA. hes so handsome and perfect hes the most pathetic man alive i want to eat him i want to put him in a jar and shake him. he is the blorbo of all time. THIS IS SOOOOO LONG, THIS IS MY SHINRA THESIS. this is my shinra apologism bible. this is my shinra loving conversion propaganda.

shinra, at his core, is someone who loves so deeply and is so fucking traumatized and has such bad odds of overcoming it. he's been raised solely by shingen (someone remind me to talk abt test tube shinra) who has. no interest in shinras genuine care or wellbeing beyond an.... experimental context. hes trying to make a child into an accomplished surgeon.

this has consequences on the child.

i hc shinra as autistic (someone remind me to talk about who all in drrr is autistic. short answer they all are); specifically that he struggles with social cues, expectations, reading tone and situations, and emotional regulation and expressing his emotions "correctly". specifically, he over-emotes, to the point of theater at times. his neutral expression and tone of voice are overly excitable and positive, and he feels all his emotions very strongly and reacts as such.

already having trouble understanding what is and isnt socially acceptable (and the differences between different situations), being raised by shingen really fucks him over because he's given a rather.... broken moral and social framework. all the things you normally teach a child about right and wrong... shinra did not get those conversations.

as a child this doesnt bother him. he literally does not know any different. hes generally effervescent, hes a bright child and he loves his dad and he loves learning and he loves how cool shizuo is. he's never seen an operation done on someone who isn't under anesthesia and it bothers him in a way he doesnt have words to describe and his dad wants him to do it, and his dad is smart and he's supposed to listen to his dad and his dad says its okay, so its okay right? he doesnt like it, doesnt like how it feels to hurt the person he found on the boat- doesnt like how his dad doesnt think shes a person when shes right in front of him doing all the things a person does. but he doesn't know how to process that. the person from the boat seems a bit afraid of him after, even though she doesnt have the language to speak to him yet. he doesnt like that, either, although he cant put the words together to explain why.

he likes the girl. shes pretty, in a way he had absently found other girls and women pretty, the same way a flower or a very nice teapot is pretty. but this time, it catches a spark in him- she's captivating in a way none of the others ever have been. he likes how she carries herself, the way she interacts with the world, and he wants so badly to talk to her. so he does. he follows her all around their little house, although at first she's always in the room that used to hold a bunch of spare medical equipment but now holds a thin mat and a black motorcycle. he lets himself in without bothering to announce himself or ask, because hes never had to ask to go in here, and doesnt see any reason he shouldnt be now. sometimes, she shoes him away without fanfare. other times, she allows him to talk to her, chattering a million miles an hour about what hes learned in school or with his dad or what he's been doing out in the yard. she seems like shes listening, even if she never replies. she couldnt, obviously, she had no head. after a few weeks she begins to sometimes come with him when he tries to pull her by the hand around the house.

shinras not the type of kid to want to draw, so it's a few weeks before they reach a point in school where he has homework to take home. theyre learning to write, and although shinra has been reading at a level a few years above his age for a while, he hasn't written any- he's never had any need to. he drags the homework with him into the spare room to go bother his friend after school. she's interested in what he's doing; he can feel her watch him write his shaky pencil strokes as he traces the hirigana outlined on the paper. he explains them to her as she watches, having no idea she can't understand him yet. he proudly holds his finished assignment out to her and beams when she examines it closely. her hand hesitates as she reaches for the pencil; she pulls it back almost as soon as she begins. he thrusts it into her hands, excited that his friend wants to be part of what he's doing. he brings her a spare piece of copy paper and watches as she carefully copies his hirigana. he's happy, pointing to each one as she draws it and telling her which one it is. to him, it seems like a fun game. the next day, he steals a copy of yesterdays homework from the teachers desk when she isnt looking, and begins grabbing an extra copy of each assignment he gets. he and his friend do their homework together every day after school. she sits with him at the kitchen table to do it, now. each day, he does his first and tells her all about what it means. she picks up quickly- within months they both can write simple sentences, and now shinra can really talk to his friend.

once they begin being able to talk, the two are inseparable. shinra grabs an empty moleskin from his dad's office for her to write in, and the more she writes, the quicker she learns. she points to every new object they encounter, and shinra is happy to tell her what each one called. he wants her to come out with him into the yard, and she gestures at the wispy smoke rolling from her neck. he gathers a few hundred yen from random drawers and the pockets of his dad's laundry and the sidewalk on the way home from school and buys her the biggest sunhat they have at the department store the next time he and his dad go. she's happy, when he shows her.

shinra grows far too quickly into a teenager, still wickedly smart and still so deeply, wildly infatuated with celty. he tells her everything, and she tells him more and more, too, as the years go by. he's careful, now, to do all his homework with her and explain the concepts to her as he goes. it's extremely effective studying, and it motivates him to fully understand the material. he's beginning to understand the way he loves her, beginning to realize how lost he would feel without her. he knows he needs to keep her in his life. he also knows now his dad sometimes says and does things he dislikes. shinra operates entirely of his own desires, listening to his father when what shingen asks of him suits him and ignoring him when it doesn't. izaya had asked him once if he had any idea of right and wrong, and although shinra remembers the face izaya made when he told him he felt that anything that felt right must be right, he doesn't know what to make of it.

within another two years he knows he's in love with celty, has already confessed a dozen times. she always brushes him off, but he sees the way she's beginning to smoke up more when he says it. it reminds him of the blush he gets when she says something funny or is particularly cute to him. his love is big enough that it feels like it could burst from his chest. he has no idea what to do with it, how to show it in any semblance of a healthy way. he tries, he stumbles, and gets up and tries again. conversing with humans still confuses him- still cant read facial expressions, still cant understand the vocal inflection of others- but can read celty like an open book. he's beginning to feel less and less human, but he's not upset by it- he's never felt all too human to start.

the longer shingen is gone, the more shinra realizes how badly his father affected him. he begins to resent the man- resents him when he fumbles a social interaction and loses a well paying client, resents him when he does something he feels is right and sees celty hurt or sad. the resentment eats him, leaving him lost and adrift. every time he looks in the mirror he sees his father. his life, his passion, his income, his reputation- its all intertwined with shingen. he hates his father so much he begins to hate himself.

seeing celty come home from the first dollars meeting breaks something in him. he starts to blame his father, if only the rotten bastard hadn't done this to her- and pauses. shinras continued to lie to her too, he's just as responsible now as his father. the feeling makes him sick. he almost tells her then about saika, but the words catch in his throat, and they taste bitter when he swallows them.

that changes something in shinra- he's trying to be better, be kinder, question what he really feels is right and wrong. trying and stumbling and trying again. he forces the truth from his throat, tells celty what his father did, knows his four year old self couldnt stop shingen and his twenty three year old self does not need to continue to cover for him. the truth tastes just as bitter on his tongue as it did in his throat.

he begins standing up to shingen, bit by bit, always feeling he's falling short, always realizing too late when hes crossed a line. trying and stumbling and trying again.

when the stranger kisses him, and he feels a pinprick in his shoulder, all he can think of is the way celty jumped. her shock and pain swirl inside him as violently as she's chasing them- his celty, his celty- he needs to get back to his celty. saikas voice buzzes in his ears like a swarm of wasps but all he can think is celty celty celty-

he needs to find her. when his father hands him the sword the swarm of wasps in his brain swells to a roar and reverberates around his thoughts. celty celty celty- love celty- love- celty- love love love- his broken bones and torn ligaments scream against the flight of stairs to the rooftop backed by an orchestra of celty celty celty love you celty love love love love celty-

it was never a question of following her. shinra would have begged shizuo to throw him after her whether he'd had a plan or not- the sword that had slipped into his body was burning inside him and screaming a chorus, pulled itself to his palm and the sea of love love love celty- guided his arm, guided his thoughts, guided his heart and his soul. trying, and stumbling. doing what his father would have done- what his father already had. he cant help but to get up and try again. i love shinra because hes. fucked up and traumatized and still loves. loves imperfectly, loves messily and loudly and is loved in return. hes a work in progress, hes a horrible little man, hes a poor meow meow and a pathetic wet rat and i could talk about him for ten years. i could talk about his and celtys relationship for ten years. i think shinra as a character is massively underappreciated and massively mischaracterized. this only scratches the SURFACE of my thoughts. PLEASE feel free to ask me abt him he is my little bratz doll im rotating him in my mind at all times. i need to reblog this with my favorite official art tumblr is either overworked or my post is too long-

[randis-ramblings]

War's Birth

As I gaze up into the large, pure blue eyes of the white cloaked creature standing before me, I see... stars.

Eyes full of stars... full of stories to tell... of worlds long erased from mere existence, a creature that only takes what form it does for simplicity. A form of a tall creature, skin like a cinnamon, with a large, white speckled face, eyes like inkwells in depth and emptiness. Knowledge that a human mind could never comprehend, deep in the eyes of a creature who has seen all that has ever happened... and wants to know more.

Eyes of an ancient God, forever curious as its strange, deerlike legs allow it to bend in ways that shouldnt be possible, crouching at eye level to stare at my face, the face of a mere mortal. Yet the god stares with curiousity matching my own, opening a maw as it begins to talk, first in languages long dead, as it adjust its vocal cords to its new form, new languages as if its absorbing what it knows from my own vernacular and more. Gifting me tools of language even I dont know.

"What is a child like you doing in my library?"

Its voice, raspy, like it hasn't been used in centuries, but with echoes like its cords have known a hundred voices, and will know thousands more. Its head tilts with the question, revealing strange small, curled horns on its head slightly as it pulls back its hood to cover more of its face once more.

"I don't know"

An honest answer. I was moved over to here... when?

How long have I been among these shelves of massive books? with millions of names, of identification numbers among me... I havent a clue why Im here. How I got here.

The elder god seems confused. Those unblinking eyes staring deep into my soul... eyes of a creature that could cause more devastation than worlds could know with little more than a wave of its hand... yet it doesnt. If it wanted me dead, it long couldve killed me, with its sharply clawed hand grasping its cloak, holding it tight, hiding the true form of whatever this is.

"People don't often wander in here. They can't. My library is home to those who have passed, who had stories to tell. I am their final embrace, the final words they hear as they pass on, with their stories recorded in my home in the books I store on every shelf"

As the god pauses it becomes more evident to me... theres voices here. Faint voices of the past, documented in these pages and pages of books.

"What are you truly human?"

"I... don't know"

Too many answers.

What answer fits best?

Where best would I fit?

It tilts its head in a different direction.

"Give me all the answers you have"

Pausing for a moment, I give the answer that fits best

"A... child"

"Yet your memory seems to show something more, does it not?

I see more than a child.

A savior of a crow. Yet a victim of something far greater than yourself.

A victim of something you never shouldve been apart of.

A child victim of a fight you had no part in.

Do you remember how you got here now?"

As I try my hardest to reach back in my memories, holding my bed between my hands... one comes up.

"I was... running. Mother picked me up... but mom couldn't run quickly enough... there was laughter... laughter as mom fell... there was the sound of hoof beats... I remember hurting... is my mom okay?"

The creature seems pleased

"Yes. She is fine. She met with me before. Your mother is okay now. Keep reaching back"

A headache pounding at my skull... my brain doesnt want me to remember... but I need to. I have to. The creature asked me to.

"I... I died. They took mother's head... But they left me to rot...Why am I dead?"

"Death comes for you all. Ive came for you now. But you... you are strange. A child with pain of an adult and more... yet crafty enough to sneak by a God... I have a question for you"

Staring down once more... eyes of ink... yet not uncaring. Like it always knew this would happen.

"What is it?"

Death smiles.

"Would you like to help me with a task? I need a child like you to warn monsters, warn them of their crimes catching up to them. I don't care for stories cut short after all, especially when its cut by another"

As the child nods, and Death takes their hand, its back feels like its finally taking a true full breath for the first time in its life, slits cutting into the cloth on its back, as massive black feathered wings extend out.

"For your innocence and help, you get the wings of the crow that you saved. You pulled it out of a pond, now Im pulling you into the throws of godhood.

If you ever wish to pass on to see your mother, simply let me know. You dont need to stay, but as long as you do you'll be cared for and a helping hand"

"What do I do?

"All I need you to do is go where I tell you. Show up, and they'll see what they need to see. A child like you, closer to their heart. Your wings cannot be hurt, don't worry. You'll appear as you do now to gods like me, monsters will see you as the result of their actions. Dont fret about scaring regular people, they'll see you as nothing more than a bird"

"Am... Am I going to do good?"

"Of course you will, War"

[deadxmastreedownthehighway]

to daddy dearest

a happy late birthday to you. i thought of you on your birthday but didnt message you. guess this is my unsent letter to you...

as a child i would naively hope that you would send a private detective to seek for us.. i woild always look at cars parked in front of the schools i would attend. i dreamed of you rescuing us from our mother. i wanted to be saved by you cuz that what dads would do right? i wouldnt be too sure since i was never worth staying back for to raise. no one ever thought i was worth the time. now should i really be as hard on my mother as i am especially since she stayed by my side and fucked me up in the process? i dont know. she made sure to tell me in almost all our fights that you didnt love me. you wanted us gone and aborted.

you never called only when we were 12.. you wanted to add us as dependents on your taxes.. i was secretly excited but you ended the call with my mother soon after.. even my oldest sister would tell me i would be a better child if you were around and that i needed you.. why werent you ever here? i struggled with math. mother would brag how bright you were with math.. she would tell me how many siblings i had in your side.. i was always alone.. i resent you.. even though i cried when i found your email at last and you answered back. it was one of the happiest moments in my life but you didnt allow me to be the greedy child i always wanted to be.. i wanted to be cuddled, comforted and be told everything was going to be alright and that you knew how to fix all of it.. i didnt want to have to build a relationship with another adult.. i wanted to pick up where we last left off when i was 7. i wanted to be a greedy kid.. i didnt to be lectured on what to do with my life.. why didnt you ask me about my fears or if i slept with plushies at night? you missed out on so much.. there was so much to pick up on.. but its never easy with an adult child huh? worse part is your child isnt fine.. it was quite the experience having to disappoint you too.. sometimes i of you too much and it makes me want to bury myself in a hole. i cant handle small talk.. i wanted badly to bond with you but i was the problem.. my expectations were unrealistic.. greedy even. once i saw you were going to provide what i seeked for i left.. i read in many articles about building relationships with a parent as an adult child and i could only think of my 13 year self that would of wanted to meet you. why did i even bother? after the last message on email and how you took so long was the part the stung me deeply.. with my toxic upbringing i assumed the worse.. i assumed it was me to why you stopped massaging.. i shouldnt have pushed beyond that.. when my mother asked i simply told her as if it didnt bother me that you didnt message me until a good while again.. i dont know why but maybe its why i didnt try as hard after when you contacted me after.. i resented you for not being in my life in the first place and after for leaving me again.. i wished emotions were easy to deal with..

surprisingly i felt like an outsider speaking to your other child.. i felt like an outsider speaking to you and listening to you speak of your other kids and even your grandkids.. absurd how you kept in contact with a grandkid in florida instead of with us.. maybe im just being a child with those thoughts.. daddy dearest i hate you and i desire to be with you but i resent you for waiting for your kid to show up to you.. i wish i was mature enough to know how to handle this.. have i met you several years before i would have begged to live with you.. to be saved from my mother.. but i was much too late for that.. i hate being a burden..

[polar-bears-making-pancakes]

i think communication is a lot of practising and im really bad at it myself so idk how helpful this tip is but: other ppl are just like you, theyre scared and all have different emotional scars. but irl isnt like the internet and people will not hate and block you if you offend them for saying a wrong thing. and if they do and cant forgive you despite your good intentions then theyre not worth hanging around anyway. so the tip is to remember that people irl are forgiving and nuanced. they are adults, not children anymore who see things in black and white.

(side tangent: where im from its culturally the case that people do not ask others about themselves and its very inappropriate to point out obvious things, maybe its the same thing for you. its not rlly the case that germans are direct, its that if they say sth about a specific topic about themselves, its an indirect invitation for you to do the same thing, but you cant ask them directly, thats very rude. it could seem to some like the autistic dream but i swear its awful and i find it impossible to ask my german autistic friend anything personal (eg. i fear if i ask about her dog she's going to tell me that he died and i'll think i made her feel bad for mentioning it). im trying to unlearn it because not only is it culturally different in the uk, but its also impossible to make friends that way.) (((sorry if i slander germany again its a bit immoral but its how i tell myself im morally superior to my family who thinks i shouldnt live in the uk. )))

so my tip is: get a feel for what you can ask them about. listen to them and what they like, and then ask them about it. it will make them feel loved and appreciated. tell them what you want them to know because they will feel that you trust them and then they can do the same thing for you. its a way of showing them that you love them.

i love you and im asking you how your degree and thesis are going? you were saying that you struggled with it and i know you are very busy atm. i wish you good luck with it <3 you got this bro

hiiii thank you so much for this message and I'm sorry it took me so long to answer

that's the problem, i see consequences of my actions in very much black and white way. as I learnt from my counselor it's because of trauma. and I know I need to unlearn it because most people, as you said, are more forgiving than I am to myself and they are adults. but I still deep down fear that they are going to leave me like when my friends left when we were kids.

ooooh that's very interesting!! I get how you feel, I think, because I often blurt stuff out even without wanting to, that would be really rude, it seems, in that culture. I feel like polish people are really defensive and we are expected to be though. so it's like, if you'd point out someone's flaw, they would, on average, take it as an attack and attack you back. but also our way of shielding our insecurities is to bargain who has it worse. I feel like that's where the stereotype of main trait of polish people being complaining comes from. so I kind feel like I should stay in my lane and not get into people's lives as long as they don't invite me to. I don't want to overstep because I know that if I get involved I want to with my whole being. again, i dislike doing something halfway, it needs to be 1 or 0, black or white :/

thank you so much for the advice 🥹 I love you too

I'll try making myself ask questions, even if I feel like I'm not allowed to ask anyone for anything ever. nad I try get the feel to not ask questions that may make someone uncomfortable, another fear of mine

[rpfisfine]

For the gaming asks: 11, 24, 30!

HEYYYYYYYYYYYY win thank you so much and sorry for being so late smiles in a regretful and apologetic style

11. favorite game genre

answered!!

24. if you could live in one of the games you’ve played, which one would it be?

thats such a beautiful quastion i honestly remember having wanted to live in pretty much every single game ive ever played no matter the genre but probably subnautica..i literally don't care that i would be stranded on an alien virus infected planet completely alone with nothing but sea creatures ranging from adorable to mindbendingly horrifying to keep me company and no hope of a rescue i would literally be thriving i think...... i was born to live the faceless subnautica man lifestyle

30. favorite aspect of a game (e.g. exploration, combat, fashion/customization, environments, graphics, bosses, roleplaying, etc.)

(is it gonna be really really genuinely annoying and horrible if i say gambling......i know its not an actual aspect at all but i mean this completely genuinely whenever a game has a gambling mechanic or even just some kind of undercover mission where you need to win at poker or sth it immediately becomes a hundred times better in my eyes like there are only a few game worlds within which gambling wouldn't make sense otherwise you can only benefit from adding in like a weird guy who sits in the corner of a pub who allows you to gamble. you have nothing to lose)

but okay im gonna answer in a less lame fashion and go one by one in like a process of elimination so exploration = good but also becomes a stressful and tedious process when a world is annoyingly big bc you're always Missing something and at some point it always turns into only caring abt unchecking boxes and crossing locations off a list than genuinely caring abt what they have to offer. combat & bosses = depends on how finely tuned the combat mechanics are in the game obvs if they're horrible or have aged rly badly then i only thoroughly enjoy it like 50 hours into the game once i have bent the gameplay to my will but if it's good (like in current cyberpunk 2077 for example) then im literally attacking everything that moves bc its fun and awesome and im good at it. environments = sometimes face the same problem as the exploration aspect but when they are truly truly unique and distinct and feel completely different from each other i rly love just going around and soaking up the atmosphere of different locations. graphics = not that important to me i think liking a game purely because of its graphics is one of the shallowest things the human psyche is capable of obvs it sucks when a game is borderline unplayable bc its appearance makes you want to vomit (like this game called black and white does anyone remember black and white.....) but there are sooooooooo many gems that also happen to look like garbage but that shouldnt make you want to not play them... give old bad looking games a chance....... for me

and i think through the process of elimination i have arrived at the conclusion that my fav aspect is fashion / customization & roleplaying all at once i LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE roleplaying not even for like major game defining decision stuff but mostly when it allows you to do the most mundane things like having tea in the morning and making your bed and doing chores and petting dogs and picking up your hat when it gets knocked off and fashion & customization kind of ties into that as well im always like well michael gta wouldn't wear these sunglasses because he hates them (source: my mind)..... arthur would never wear this fancy dress shirt and top hat bc he doesn't bathe enough etc. like my preferences for what i would actually like to see a character wear come AFTER what i think the character itself would want to wear. but yeah to put this whole insanely long thing very briefly roleplaying is my favorite aspect

gaming asks

[noodlemethis]

"Life's pretty good"

she said, in response to my asking how she's doing. She said it in a matter of fact way, a simple fact, not much thought needed, no hesitation nor justification. But it left me in a state I can't describe with just one word. It's when you feel your body-soul be pulled both forward and backward at the same time, and your heart space falls downwards into an empty cave. I felt winded even though my body was filling itself with in air quite desperately.

I stood there stunned in silence. But all the while allowing, or maybe forcing, my outer self to nod and coo something like "ooo wow" or "how so" or "what's been good recently". Meanwhile in the empty cave, I took a few seconds to get my bearings. I considered: Okay. That was a wild response. I can't believe she's truly just so happy. It makes sense though that her life is pretty good. She's got her girlfriend, her job she likes, she's doing her masters, she lives on her own. All the aspects of life I wish I had a handle on. Meanwhile I'm so behind ...

I felt the familiar sting of a very particular envy wash through the cave, for just a few moments. Worried that my friend would realize i had slipped off from the conversation into another dimension, I quickly tabled the background voices until the end of the meal.

I didn't want to start this blog writing about hard things. But trying to find something else to talk about hasn't been working. My brain just oscillates between 3 negative emotions every day: envy, disappointment and anxiety. I envy my loved ones, my peers, who 'have a handle on' their lives. They know where they're going, or who they're going with, why they're going where they are going, and even what they want to be doing as they navigate. I don't have answers to any of those questions. Not even one. The anxiety builds. Will I ever find the answer? Will I grow old so unremarkable, having done none of the flashy world-saving things my teen self envisioned we would do? The disappointment rattles me. I feel a familiar freezing touch of hopelessness.

"I should move to another country. It'll help me find myself". I fast pan outwards, shifting the view back to anxiety. No, no. I can't do life without my friends, my support system. Alone in another country? For what? So that I can scare myself shitless working towards I don't even know what? I should say with her. With all of them. I shouldnt waste the time I have with my loved ones. Because soon, they will move too, for real. When their whats and whys dictate that they should. I'll be alone later, I shouldnt waste the together time now. Their life doesn't follow mine in the way that I look to and follow them. I'll lose them.

I shouldn't chase happiness. I shouldn't be so locked in rigidity. I should try new things. I should be communicative. I should clean my room. I shouldn't waste my time playing games. I should be strong. I shouldn't give up.

It's really hard to describe what I feel in that space between. The hollow drop heart space. The body-soul empty cave. I just know I hate it. I hate life. God do I wish I could say life's pretty good without a second thought. But my life is a fucking circus. A Ferris wheel ride. I sit and it moves. I anticipate the view to eventually get good- I wait as patiently as I can for the rotation to finally be worth all this time spent. But every time I look out, the view is always just a little underwhelming. Every night I wonder why I got on the ride. And why I'm still on it.

[lululandd]

when i find new authors but they do the “oh no people are writing about rape thats so wrong and disgusting they shouldnt do that to my blorblo my babies wouldnt do that uwu how dare”

block button my old friend ✊😔

after a while i realise this fandom really only ‘allows’ fluff and vanilla-ish smut. everything has to have fluff in the end or people yell in the comments asking for another part where the characters have happy endings and live happily ever after (or if you write mid fluff, they ask for some fluffier shit).

writing mommy and daddy kinks will have people on anon coming out to ‘shame’ them in some other blog and those answering are affirming that those are some weird shit happening.

if you write rape/noncon/dubcon people are getting comcerned and karen-y on how these arent kinks. please. some people write as an outlet, and it helps them heal from their trauma. whatever theyre dealing with. you know what doesnt help these people heal? people shaming them for having an experience and dealing with it in their own way.

cheating isnt allowed. problematic shit arent allowed.

boring

some people are raised a certain type of christian, have a very homogenous life experience and it sadly shows

[jamescarstairz]

ok i'm intrigued now 👀👀 what are your fave hair colours for bts??

you cant do this to me sjkdhsjja okay lets start easy

jk: dark brown hands down my fave (he could dye his hair any colour and i’d still be  👌 👌 💯 👀 👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌 tbh but DARK BROWN)

yg: LITERALLY ALL THE COLOURS EVER ARE PERFECT HE CAN DO NO WRONG listen every hair colour he’s ever had has been iconique how do you expect me to choose. okay i love his blond hair with everything but i also LOVED the blue (and mint and pink and black etc…… help)

nj: THE SILVER/GREY!! i love that hair so much (but the purple is a very close second) also you know that huge blond hair he had yeah that was a LOOK

jm: bs&t silver/grey cause mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit but also pink jm is beautiful and i love

sj: dark brown though i also agree with you i loved that blond too (sidenote i’ve been staring at the post of it you linked in your post for the last 5 minutes)

hs: pink/peach/pinkyblond i love the lighter hair on him though he can pull off ANY color tbh they’re all perfect and so is he

th: PUUURPLE the light purple that looks so good and on a non color related note BRING BACK THE MAN BUN CAUSE HE LOOKS B E A U T I F U L WITH A MAN BUN LIKE  ❤️😍❤️😍❤️ 💦 💦 💯 💦 💖 💖 💖 💦💦 ❤️😍❤️😍❤️

[hotrobins]

touch me if you dare || jason todd

Summary: Jason and fem!reader starts a friends-with-benefits relationship after a dirty joke.

Content: Smut with a little fluff and innocence kink.

Word count: 1646

Half-hour had passed since Jason came back from Bruce's office and he was still rage trembling. He didn't want to say what they discussed, he just deep breathed while driving, his knuckles white.

You knew him since you started working in the Gotham Public Library two years ago, but the talking that led to this friendship was still pretty recent. Today you were going to an aquarium inauguration but when his father called and said that there were urgent matters to discuss, you insisted that he should go and you would wait in the car, so Jason changed the route to the Wayne's Building.

Clearly he regret that decision now, because he stormed from there without a word and drove you to your apartment in silence, only breaking the silence to apologize to you once. When you arrived tho, he didnt unlock the car doors.

There you were, wanting to help him calm down but not knowing how since he didnt want to open up, not knowing if its better just say good night as clue to remember him to let you go, or you should invite him in.

You looked at him at your side, one hand at the steering wheel, the other clenched in a fist on his tight. Jason's eyes were closed and you allowed yourself to admire him aside your worries about his emotional state.

Jason was beautiful in hard angles and undertones. In the first couple months in the library, you were still fresh with the thinking that readers were a solid type, and every day you were surprised to see a boy like him enter and spend the late afternoon with his nose in a book. Now, being his friend, you knew Jason were a bookworm, but looking at him still took your breath. In this moment specially, with his muscles compressed, the semblance hard and that big hand against a bigger tight, something right down your belly woke.

He let out a light chuckle and you looked up to his face, panicked.

"Liking the view?" He said with amusement. The right side of his mouth doing that thing and leaving a dimple to show.

You ignored the ask and focused on the desert street in front of you, for sure blushing a deep red. You still could feel his gaze on your body.

As the seconds passed, the atmosphere in the car began to change again, and you knew his playfull smile hadnt hit deep in his demeanor.

"There's something I can do?" You said on a low tone.

"May you give me a blowjob?" He blurted, releasing a deep laugh. "Never heard of a man with bad humor while having his dick sucked." He was trying to change the air between you two, too.

"Yeah, i wouldnt mind." You said at once without thinking, and Jason couldn't hold back another laugh, this time a real one.

You should feel glad that he found you funny, but in that moment you discovered you were serious. "What? To be honest, I wouldnt not only mind it, but would really delight myself with it." You said with the most sensual voice you could make, adjusting yourself in the seat to see him better.

Now he was serious too, his blue eyes with dilated pupils holding yours. You couldn't maintain the glase as his adam apple went down as he swallowed dry, putting a lock of hair behind your ear.

"So touch me if you dare, darling."

It was all it took. Without another moment pass he opened his belt and lowered his jeans enough for you too see he was already half hard. As you took his cook in your hand, you wondered if you looked too desesperate, but when he sighed immediately and leanead comfortably on the car seat allowing you to touch with him better, you forgot to care if he could feel it was the first time you ever did it.

You started slowly, pulping him up and down, learning the texture, touching some veins that pulsed lightly, seeing as his tip disappeared and appeared again a little more wet every time, slobbering your hand and then the rest of his cock. The view of it was driving you insane to taste it, so as you began to bend down Jason let out a quiet moan, feeling your hot breath so close to his tip but not on him yet. You looked up as gave it a tentative lick, and the way his eyelids fluttler before opening to look at you, god, you felt it.

You were right, Jason tasted more amazing than you have imagined, and soon you were not only licking the tip but were with all his dick inside your mouth, touching it as you could with your tongue as one of your hands rubbed the rest of him and the other massaged his balls. You couldn't get enough of feeling the taste of him and his moans, now less contained, only gave you more confidence to keep going.

The lack of pratical knowledge didn't troubled you anymore cause the way Jason where breathing hard only proved you were doing the thing right, even if it was in a slow pace.

"Fuck.." He said in surprise when you started playing with only his tip, circling it with your tongue.

His hips sometimes buckled up and you kissed his dick, putting it all in your mouth and letting it out with a pop, before giving special attention to the tip again.

"Enough with the tease darlin-" You went all way down again and tried to move your tongue, but it was too much and you gagged.

"Easy, easy.." He touched your cheek while you recovered your breath with your head leaning in his covered tight, your right hand never stoping the light caresses in his cock.

He was looking at you in a strange way and you desesperate needed to change the focus of his attention so you closed your fist firmly.

Jason moaned with eyes finally closing again, and you started once more your ministrations. The taste of him and the sensation of his hips bucking involuntary where too good for you and you moaned too, the vibration making him take part of your hair in his hand. You looked up to see a question in his half open blue eyes, the answer were another moan of you.

You started rubbing him vigorously while you sucked his tip, the hand on your hair not forcing you down but not letting you go either, and Jason's moans were becoming more frequent. He was close.

He loosed the grip on you reluctantly "I'm.. I'm going to.. You should.."

But you do not moved away, you put his dick all down your mouth until it touched your throat, and even if his cock didnt fit entirely, you tried. Your gag reflexes send him over the edge.

He come hard on you, throwing cum directly down your throat as his hips trembled. He could feel you trying to breathe and swallow his seed and control your gagling at same time and it made him want to fuck your mouth for real.

When you pulled off, you didn't think twice before licking his dick again, making sure that there wasn't any trace of his cum behind. Only then you got up and straightened yourself in the seat.

You didn't looked at him nor give him the chance to speak first, the realization of what happened coming hard.

"Look, I don't usually treat my male friends like this so don't judge me. Im not a slut, really, to be honest i have never done this before so.. And no, i retire what i said, there's not such thing as a slutty woman okay? We should do what we want without feeling guilty by society and-" Jason took your hand on his.

"Wait a moment." He said caressing your hand with his tumb. "You said you never did it before? Give head?"

You looked at him, there were not judgment, only curiosity and respect in Jason's face.

"I'm.. I shouldnt have said it but, yeah. If it wasnt obvious and you already knew, now you know." There was shame on your shoulders even if he wasnt being judgmental and seemed to have appreciated the moments before.

His eyes never left yours as he thought in silence, the atmosphere between you changing again.

"I never kissed either so it's not a big deal i gave you head because you joke about it, we should forget it.. Can you please unlock the door now?"

He put his hand on your waist to stop you from reach the panel, you had to look on his face, now just centimeters from yours. His breath were a mix of something and spearmint.

"You don't think I should claim your first kiss too? I mean.." His voice were low, controlled.

"I just.. your.. you know.."

"Yeah, i know darling. I want to taste it on you."

You closed your eyes and it was his clue. He closed the space between you two, using the hand on your waist to put your body closer. His lips were soft and his posture controlled, but you could feel how he was trying not to push your limits, how his tongue wanted enter your mouth and call it his. You were breathless, you didn't though it would be like this. So much with so little. Your heart pounded and when you opened your eyes and you saw you had leanead on his chest, both hands on his strong shoulders.

He had a half smile in his lips, the dimple a moment to show in its glory.

"It's starting to rain Jason." You managed to say.

"Yeah, and I'm only starting to kiss you for tonight.." He bended in your direction again, never taking his eyes from your lips.

[carmen-sandie-go]

Story as requested

SO This is a story about the time my mom almost took me out of school because a guy from my class made eye contact with her.

This is a long story so bear with me. Idk if i have already told this or not. Anyways we will need to meet come characters first and some context-

U - one of my friends from my class and the bitch who started the whole thing and didnt get wrapped in the drama what so ever N- Hate her also it genuinely surprises me that the people who have the most shit to say about me have a cgpa below 2.0 like bestie wtf up with this ? (kylies friend at the time) R - my idiot fucking then best friend from my neighbourhood A- a good guy friend. We went to the same French tuition. T- N's younger brother .... S- my senior Q- the guy in question who had no fucking relation with the whole drama

LETS START WITH THE STORY -

So basically me and U got selected to participate in this English play competition

S was also in the same play and me and him started to became friends, teasing, talking to each other

So in lunch period ( all the girls sit in a huge circle so that no ones left out or feel left out of the group because groupism is really exclusionary in my school)... SO basically U is like zoe he soo likes you. S soo likes you..

I was like nah. We just friends

Ok so basically N had the biggest crush on S so when she over heard this she came to me and said, " Stay. Away. From. Him"

Now i didnt want any drama so i was like sure girl i gottcha back. But i didnot know this was the start of a drama movie.

SO basically i was walking cum gossiping with my best friend and telling her what all happened in the school today and i saw N and her friends ( we live nearby ) and she goes " you have no clue how desperate she is for attention " Now i believe in being kind and all but aint no body shitting on me. Even god damned Jesus would hold my purse while I smack the shit out of her. SO anyways.. I went ahead and we had a heated discussion where i roasted her ass (shouldnt have in retrospect)

My bestie was like, "girl what that all about ?" Then I dramatically started to explain what was happened at school that day. And she was like how does he look ? I told her, "ngl he cute"

SO basically T over heard this and said, "bro he is our senior have some shame !" and then my friend tried to explain that he misunderstood but idk how much she could (lying hoe.)

Now I go to school to school and he (S) was waiting for me on the stair case and asked me, " did you tell everyone I am your boyfriend ?" And I was just like BOY which stupid ass dog bit you ? Why would I say that ?

And apparently they spread this rumour that i was a desperate and i said that i was dating S ..

In that day alone loads of guys asked me if I was actually dating him .. And all i could say was :/

Now in last period Q asked me if i was in a relationship. Now my friend A over heard this and thought that Q was dating me or asking me out or what ever that he understood..

Bottom line A knew there were rumours that I was dating some guy and he thought I was dating Q

Finals were really near ( like 3-4 days near) so I told my mom that I'll sit at home and study as nothing is happening in my school and also because I was tired of the rumours

SO she was like ok cool

I didnt go to my french tution that weekend as my french exam was the last exam and as I had maths next week.

So A thought my mom got to know about my relationship thats why she took me out of everything everyone knows how strict my family is

It had been a while and also i needed to clear a few doubts so i decided to go to school.

Now I come back from school and my moms like " is there something you want to tell me ?" lemme do it in a dialogue way -

Mom : Is there something you want to tell me ?

Me : nope . why ?

* hard slap *

Me : 👁👄👁

Apparently this idiot (A) had told maam that the reason i didnt attend class was because my mom took me out of everything after finding about my relationship

Even my teacher was concerned so she called home and said , "Let it be, she is young , she will make mistakes" and my mom had no clue wtf this was abt and so she got to know that i am dating Q and and thought thats why i didnt wanna go to school or tuitions (bestie i just needed to desperately revise maths and study other as i had left it for later and get out of the rumours )

Now I was although not allowed to watch tv or use mobile or laptop hell wasnt even talked to. I was allowed to give the exam.

Now I was a bit late for dispersal as I was discussing my answers with my teacher and she asked me why i didnt come to school for a few days..

My mom possibly made eye contact with Q during dispersal and She was convinced that i had broken up with Q and hence he was giving my mother the stink eye

WTF CANT PEOPLE STOP ASSUMING

This drama of me and S and Q (in my mothers, A and tuition teachers mind) did not die out for a yr.

Tagging : @ginasholtsoundboard@desi-dark-academia@drenched-in-ichor

[tastyykpop]

Hiii Congrats on reaching the milestone💕💕love your blog btw!! Could you please do a Taeyong smut where he is kinda cold to her before but confesses after he becomes very jealous??

Hii ty so much u have no clue how much this means to me🥺

ɪ ʟᴏᴠᴇ ʏᴏᴜ, ɪᴅɪᴏᴛ

Pairings: tsundere!taeyong x reader

Genre: smut

Warnings: d/s themes, jealousy, possessiveness, marking, praising, a dash of spanking, fingering, hair pulling, unprotected sex

I finished this at 4am so it's not edited 💔

"Lee Taeyong!!" You chased the dark haired boy down the side walk, never turning to look back as his name was called, "Wait for me please!"

He scoffed. Luckily you couldn't hear him. "What an annoying brat." Taeyong continued on, still ignoring you and your protests of him walking away.

Running as fast as you could to catch up was easier said then done. You held boba and your food from a nearby fast food restaurant in one hand, Taeyongs in another with your purse flopping against you. You wouldn't be in this situation if Taeyong scare you into holding his food for you, threatening you with a cold stare.

Yes, you and Taeyong are friends. It's odd because of how cold and almost rude he is with you, but you're somehow friends, at least you think you are. Some people say he's got a soft spot for you but you're not too sure anymore. One day hes calling you an idiot for not taking care of yourself and the next hes rolling his eyes at you and telling you to fuck off. Coming to the conclusion that maybe he only thinks of you as a friend, you started pushing him away recently and hung out with another friend of yours. Too bad because you may have had feelings for Taeyong too. Something about him made you want to stick around even though most of the time he didn't want you around.

"Goddammit Taeyong...wait up!"

As annoying as it was to be running with food and drinks in both hands, the most annoying part had to be the purse. It was big, heavy, and swayed with every step, bumping into your left arm ever millisecond. Why couldn't you just man up to Taeyong before?

"Bastard."

"Did you say something?"

"Huh- what!? When did you-" you tilted your head upwards to meet Taeyongs arched brow and impatient face. How did you not realize you caught up?

You pushed his food and drink into his chest and grumbled, "Here." And without waiting for Taeyong, you readjusted your purse and walked to your house with expectations that he would follow.

Taeyong frowned yet tailed you like a lost puppy.. He didn't have any plans catching up to you or telling you to wait for him and just admired you from behind. He liked the way your hair bounced over your shoulders with every step, the way your hips swayed as you walked. He even liked how long the skirt made your legs look even though you were tiny compared to him. Taeyong liked you without a doubt, but he wouldnt actually tell you that.

"Are you coming?" You opened the door to your house. Taeyong didn't answer, only pushing you out of the way and beelining it to the table where he placed his food and drink. "I'll take that as a yes..." you sigh.

Placing your food gently on the table, you sat across from the male who eyed you up and down but with no expression crossing his face.

"Y/n." Taeyongs stern voice startled you as you almost choked on a boba pearl. "Whats on your neck?"

"My neck?" Softly, you touched the side of your neck before realizing what he meant. Yesterday, that friend of yours that you've started hanging out with asked you to hang out. And little did you know, hanging out didn't mean just watching movies or joking around. It soon turned to small touches, then kissing, then making out. Before you knew it, he was kissing and sucking your neck, creating the purple mark that now painted your skin. "Oh...it's nothing. Just a bruise."

"What are you stupid? Your telling me you just happened to bruise your neck? Dumbass."

"Then why did you ask if you already know?" You mumbled.

As you took the biggest bite from your burger, Taeyong had to speak up again, "I hate it."

"Its a good thing it's not on you then isn't it."

"I think you would look better covered in my marks." His voice never faltered and you were sure he was joking. Taeyongs always been straight forward with you, but this seemed like a joke, it had to be a joke. Your mind was playing tricks on you and this is what you wanted to hear. It can't be real.

"You're kidding right...?"

"Completely serious."

"So you're...jealous?"

"Stop asking so many questions." He said coldly, shutting you up quickly, but the smirk on your face still lingered.

"I just think it's funny that a small mark on my neck could make someone as cold as you are, jealous." You say, confidence flowing out of you out of nowhere and this time, Taeyong went quiet. "Its cute."

"Cute? You know what's cute is me bending you over this table and fucking the life out of you so you only remember my name and who owns that cute ass."

Heat rose to your cheeks and the tips of your ears, and maybe Taeyong could tell but youre sure your face was starting to show a hint of red, "Now I know you're just bluffing."

Taeyong rolled his eyes, "Come here and shut that mouth, I'll show you I'm not." It had to be the way his voice growled that made you suddenly get out of your seat and stand before the man. It's easy for you to be flustered but it's also easy for you to obey someone that shows more dominance and Taeyong- well he was just overflowing with it.

"We're gonna have a little fun, yeah?" He smiled devishly, "You trust me right?"

"Y-yeah, I m-mean we are f-friends."

Suddenly, your body was bent over the table and your wrists were bound by Taeyongs hand. If you wanted to escape, Taeyong wouldn't let allow it, so you were locked in place.

God, the way this position impacted Taeyong to the point where he just wanted to fuck you all day and night. With your skirt barely hiding your pretty pink panties, he could easily get off by himself at the sight. He didn't need to do that though, he had you after all.

"Did he touch you?" You hear him say, voice low and frightening, enough to paralyze you from moving and speaking. But to his dismay you didn't answer. Moreover, hesitated to answer because of the tone he used. "I asked you a question." He growled, "Did. He. Touch. You."

A soothing hand ran up the sides of you skin, it was cold, almost like a vampires touch compared to your warm skin. "Y-yes."

Taeyong stopped, "Where?"

"Why does it matter?" You say, finding your confidence again though that won't last since your bent over the table with your ass in Taeyongs face.

"I dont want you to remember his touch, only mine. So I'll touch any place he touched." He continued touching where he could reach, the hand binding your wrists let up and rested on your ass as if about to spank you. "Now answer me."

You grumbled and arched your back as a way to tell Taeyong to shut up and fuck you. The pain of something not filling you up was unbearable, you even thought about slipping your fingers inside dripping cunt for relief. "Stop asking me questions and fuck me please."

"God you're so annoying." He spoke. "Im not going to fuck you until you tell me. It shouldnt be that hard since you're so confident." Taeyong pulled you up by your hair and forced you on his lap where your back was pressed against his chest. You couldnt look him in the face, too afraid that you'd break into a blabbering mess.

"H-he touched m-me," you grab Taeyongs hand with hesitation and placed it on your panties that covered your leaking hole, "here."

Almost positive Taeyong could feel your juices soaking through your panties, you pulled your hand away letting his own linger where you needed him most.

"What did he do when he touched you here?" His middle finger went along the slit of your cunt, dragging up and down gently.

"N-nothing."

He crooked his head before pushing your panties to the side and dipping two fingers in, "He didn't do this?" As you body arched into him, he was able to go deeper and finger you slow enough that you were sure it was teasing. And the pain of wanting to be filled up slowly disappeared but not enough.

"N-no, he d-didnt." As he began picking up speed, you cursed a threw your head back. You cried for more, struggling to stay still in his lap and his fingers worked magically inside you.

Taeyong loved every second of this. To finally see you melt in his arms literally when you could so easily turn him down for this. And he'd like to think he was the only one who could make you feel this way. Make you whimper and whine and call out to him for more. He was the only one for you.

"Please T-Taeyong, i want you to f-fuck me so bad," with a third finger slipping inside you, you moaned uncontrollably at the pace. Though you weren't stuffed like you would be with his dick, it was obvious Taeyong knew how to work his fingers to make you act this way. "Please, please, please..."

"Where else did he touch you?" He ignored your please.

It irked you how he didn't bat an eyelash at your desperate self. If you had your confidence again, you would have taken his dick out and sat on it without a question, even so you knew Taeyong wouldn't allow it just yet. He wanted you to fall apart before he even started.

"Mmm Taeyong-" you moaned with content as his fingers curved against your walls, "H-He touched m-my ch-chest."

Taeyong bit the inside of his cheek trying to hide the smirk that formed, "Guess ill just do the same." His free hand worked its way to your mounds where he proceeded to grope you and brush over your sensitive buds. The combination of his fingers inside you and his hands fondling your boobs was sure to bring your to an orgasm soon.

"Youre so beautiful." Taeyong mumbles into your ear, "so fucking perfect."

As carefully as can be, his fingers pulled out of you as a string of your slick connected to his three fingers.

So delicious, Taeyong thought, everything about you was so delicious.

You were flipped around so you faced Taeyong. This time, you didn't look away from him or hide your face from him. Instead, you maintained eye contact with the pretty boy below you before you suddenly pulled him into a desperate and needy kiss.

His heart beat faster than before. His ears burning as his face was flushed. You kissed him. You, the girl that he's been crushing on for years finally kissed him. It only took his jealousy to make this all happen.

"You don't understand how much I love you," he unbuckled his belt, "I cherish every minute and every second I spend with you," soon his pants were unbuttoned, "I can't stand seeing you with someone else," He slipped his dick inside of you with ease, a moan falling from both of you, "Even if you don't love me back, I still fucking do."

You couldnt find words to speak. Your mind was running but not thinking. If you spoke, you weren't sure if it'd be babbling or moaning because of how hard Taeyong fucked up into you. "I-i lo-" No, you couldnt say it back, not while being fucked into a whole new galaxy.

Taeyong on the other hand, was anxious yet pounded into you, enough to bring tears to your eyes. He wanted you to speak, he wanted to hear those three words come out of your mouth, but all he got was your adorable moans and sighs. Yet he wasn't complaining, they sounded lovely apart from the skin against skin. He's just overthinking.

"Youre doing so well, baby." His voice slowly fading, you were so lost in the feeling that anything Taeyong said, went out the other ear.

"F-feels so g-good. Want m-more..." Your greedy hands tugged at Taeyongs locks, but you weren't the only one being touchy. Taeyong was also kneading the plush skin of your ass, giving small taps before digging his nails in, making you whimper.

"Youre so needy baby, huh? So cute and needy for me." He slapped your ass playfully. The smirk on his face was evident that he loved every second of this.

"F-fuck yes, i-im so needy f-for you." You cry, "Youre t-the only one who c-can make me f-feel t-this good."

Of course he is. And Taeyong couldn't be any happier hearing that from you. It gave him energy to fuck harder while now holding your hips still like you were his personal toy. You struggled with keeping the hold on his hair. Your light tugs now harsh pulls but Taeyong didn't mind, in fact he liked how his head was forced to look at your beautiful face.

"Pretty girl." He leaned over the slightest bit and sucked on your necks sweet skin as you tried bouncing on his cock along with him thrusting up. "How much do you love this cock?" He questioned against your neck.

"S-so so much, Taeyong!" Your hips stutter and you know youre close but refuse to faulter, "Y-you h-have the best c-cock."

Taeyong moved back from your neck and grabbed your chin, "Are you ever going to let that guy touch you like that again after this?" You shook your head quickly. "Good girl."

"Im g-gonna cum." You say and without a single thought or word, your body shook as pleasure washed before you. Still, though Taeyong was on the edge of cumming himself, he kept the quick pace from before. But you were so sensitive from the orgasm, and even started screaming Taeyongs name. It wasn't pain, but pleasure, very sensitive pleasure that could easily make you cum a second time.

Seconds before you were about to feel another wave, Taeyong shot his seed deep into you, thrusting slowly as he came down from his high.

"D-did you mean what you said?" Taeyong breathes heavily and raises his brow in question, "About you loving me."

"Duh. I love you, idiot. I wouldn't say that if I didn't mean it." He rolled his eyes. That's the Taeyong you knew. "And what about you? Are you gonna say something or leave me hanging."

"I l-love you t-too." You say quickly. "I mean it."

Taeyong smiles a real smile before patting your head like a puppy and lifting you off his dick, "Lets get you cleaned up, baby, then we can talk about planning a date."

"A date??"

"Mhm," he smirked, "but not after a round two."