#i should of made this a week instead of 24hrs

[secretagentsagainstwhatever]

I’m rewatching Arrested Development. I’ve just got to S4, and it’s got me wondering in your opinion

[campbyler]

hey!!!! i am so excited for the new chapter drop, and i just wanted to offer some insight into why people might have gotten frustrated last time with the delays even tho you owe us nothing lol. i think it was about information rather than the fic itself… so maybe instead of pushing the drop day back by one day (repeatedly if need be), a whole week, or two week, pushback at a time could frustrate people less... then if it's ready sooner than that, it'll be a lovely surprise for everyone who wasn't expecting it for another week or two!! plus you guys would be giving yourself like an extra week to chill and finish it instead of the pressure of just 24hrs, (which is nothing what with real life etc) and you could even have a few days off before dropping it if you DID finish it early, cos no one would be any the wiser!

just an idea, that's what i'd do i think and that's how deadline pushbacks often work at my college so i thought i'd share :) hope that's not presumptuous :) you might already be doing this who knows :)

hello hello we are super excited for it as well!! re: your insight — we totally get why people are annoyed by delays, because it definitely is frustrating to look forward to something and constantly have it delayed, especially a little bit at a time and multiple times in a row, so trust me when i say that we fully understand that and wouldn’t be pushing it back by these increments if we didn’t think it would fully be done by a certain time. the 1 or 2 day delays for ch9.2 in particular were 1. made when there were only about one day’s worth of edits left to be made on 9.2, so it was a very reasonable guess to us, and 2. extremely circumstantial and unexpected. thea was very very close to being done but stuff kept coming up, like her being too physically tired after working her shift (her schedule is all over the place usually) to keep editing which she didn’t think she would be, or getting delayed at work for hours, or the one time we got that one anon about ch9.2, thea had been actually and literally swarmed by thousands of people at her job and simply was not in the mood to hear someone complaining about a chapter being delayed by another day or two. there also is something to be said about how we’ve seen people complain or get annoyed when it’s pushed back by a longer period of time in advance, which we have also done, so it leaves us kind of trapped between a rock and a hard place — do we overestimate and have people complain, or do we try to give them shorter term update goals and still have them complain?

we fully get why it’s frustrating and aren’t pushing it back little by little in order to be difficult, but either way, we just don’t think people should be in our inbox vocalizing those frustrations to us. they can even complain in dms to their friends about it, we don’t care! we appreciate the sentiment and the insight and we do try to give reasonable estimates for delays as much as we can, but honestly we just don’t really want to hear if people are annoyed 🤷🏽‍♀️ it’s not helpful or productive to us in any way and we would just prefer it stay out of our inbox and out of our sight overall

[marvelwinchester67]

Okay so I have not yet watched the new 9-1-1 episode so obviously SPOILERS but you better believe I’m looking at all the spoilers because I literally cannot survive without them but I’ve also seen a lot of posts about how the Buckley parents either won’t visit Buck in the hospital, or they will and they’ll get called out by Eddie for being horrible parents

BUT

I HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETHING MUCH WORSE AND IDK IF ANYONE ELSE HAS YET BUT IF NOT HERE YOU GO

The Buckley parents do end up visiting Buck in the hospital right? They find out he’s been struck by lightning and doesn’t have a very good chance at surviving because of it. Yes, they’ve been told the next 24hrs are crucial. Yes they’ve been told he’s in a medically induced coma. Yes they’ve been told that it’s now up to him to fight to live. But- they don’t see it that way. They already think of Buck as nothing but spare parts, so why not get some use out of him again by PULLING THE PLUG AND DONATING HIS ORGANS. Because I would not put it past Margaret and Philip to at least bring up the fact that “oh well, he’s gonna die anyway, might as well..” ya know? I don’t think it was ever established who would be Buck’s medical proxy should anything life threatening like that ever happen. Sure, Buck’s been in the hospital before, the fire truck crushing his leg, the tsunami, etc, but he’s never been in a medically induced coma before. And if Buck never changed any of his next of kin, medical care stuff, then by default his parents would be the ones calling the shots. And yeah, pulling the plug is definitely something those two would do- especially Margaret.

As much as I would love it to parallel Eddie changing his Will to make Buck Chris’s legal guardian, by Buck making Eddie his medical proxy, let’s all admit that if he were to have changed his next of kin stuff, he would’ve made Maddie his proxy. Because he loves his sister, and he trusts her to make the right decisions, especially when it comes to him and his health because we all know how self destructive Buck can be. Making Maddie in charge puts pressure on her. Of course it would. Why wouldn’t it? That’s her brother after all. The Buckley parents have always been shady and untrustworthy, so trying to pull rank over Maddie and trying to pull the plug on Buck would be how they can finally be rid of the reminder that Daniel didn’t survive and go from there.

Yes of course the 118 would quickly dismiss them. Of course they’d fight for Buck. Buck is family. He’s like a son to Bobby, an annoying little brother to Chim and Hen, and Eddie’s partner/best friend/pseudo parent/legal guardian to Chris. I didn’t mean for this to get long but I literally just thought of it after seeing all the spoilers and was like I h a v e to tell them. So until next week when I can survive off of spoilers again I will be chewing glass, kicking my feet, having multiple heart attacks a day thinking of Eddie finally screaming for Buck instead of vice versa, and giggling like a gremlin unprompted at the most inopportune of times.

[eveandtheturtles]

Started with a Kiss Chapter 4 - No place like New York

Story Rating: E

Chapter Rating: T

Warning for this chapter: Panic Attack, reference to stalking situation

Summary: After a roadtrip, it's time for Cheryl and Kara to meet the rest of the turtle family!

A/N: I was too impatient and decided to post it today after all. Please reblog and let me know what you think! Next chapter should be by the end of March

tagging: @madammuffins @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch @dilucsflame33 @sharpwindow @pheradream15

AO3 link

The first 24hrs of the drive were pretty uneventful. Donnie, Cheryl and April took turns driving while Kara sulked as unfortunately, her height interfered with driving a van. Donnie drove most of the night, taking over from April and then switching with Cheryl. 

When he was settling down, pulling up his tablet to work on his projects, he noticed that Kara seemed tenser than when the road trip started.

She was still putting on her confident mask but her shoulders were stiff and he could tell she was only fidgeting with her phone instead of doing anything with it. There was something hard in her eyes. Cold. Scared.

Donnie wasn’t good at dealing with other people’s emotions or comforting them. That was all Mikey’s deal. Emotions were complicated with no clear rules, too many variables. His own emotions were a bit of a mess around Kara. He blamed it on them for his next move.

He waved his hand to get her attention. Immediately, Kara’s head jerked up in his direction, as if he tore her away from deep thoughts.

<What’s up?> She asked.

<When we first met, how did you avoid the cameras?>  He shot his question. It was the first thing that came to his mind.

<Oh, it’s a combination of things actually.> She shifted a little in her seat, stiff from being stuck in one position for too long. <I can set my phone to disturb the cameras around me plus, I have designed a special mask that makes it harder for facial recognition programs to spot me. I hardly ever leave my house without it.>

He nodded. Clever.

<Do you have it on right now?> he inquired further.

<No, I think I left it in my bag and we tossed that out when you kidnapped me.>

At that Donnie straightened up a little. They didn’t-. He dropped his hands when he noticed the crooked smile and her raised eyebrow. She was teasing him.

<I would call it a daring rescue actually,> he retorted instead. 

She snorted and bit her lip. <Eh, I’d rate it mediocre at best.>

<Oh, really? Any pointers then?> He grinned.

She rubbed her chin a little. <Well, first of all, don’t carry your damsel like a sack of potatoes. Girls don’t like that.> She poked him.  

He laughed a little, trying to get away from her fingers. <I’ll try to remember that next time we’re under fire.>

<Thank you.> She added a little bow to her reply. <I’m here all week.>

He sighed dramatically. <I know.>

She giggled. <So, since we’re stuck here for the next 24 to 30 hours more or less - Star Wars or Star Trek.>

He made a small ‘oof’ sound. <Trick question, huh?>

<Yup, suffer, nerd.> She snickered.

<I would like to point out that by asking that question you outed yourself as a nerd.> He retorted.

<Bite me.> She stuck her tongue out. 

<Kinky.> He replied faster than his brain processed the word. Heat built up under his skin immediately. <I mean…> He tried to backpedal but she shook her head.

<Oh, I am.> She winked at him with all her usual bravado, giving him a pat on his arm and he laughed. <So, Star Wars or Star Trek?> She repeated the question.

He sighed, grateful for the circle back. <Both actually. Though I lean harder toward Star Trek.>

<Bold statement!>She nodded with respect. <What’s your reasoning.>

<Simple, sometimes you want to watch a space exploration story and sometimes you want to watch one family fuck up the entire galaxy.> He explained matter-of-factly. 

She barked out a loud laugh at that, which ended with her wincing and rubbing her throat. <Good one.>

<You okay?> He looked at her with concern.

She gave him a thumbs up. <Sequels or prequels?>

<The original trilogy, please>

<Wow, you really are a snob for some things, huh?> She teased.

He rolled his eyes. <What about you? I bet you love sequels,> he teased back.

<I actually don’t.> She playfully glared at him. <I can tell there was a concept at some point but it just dissolved in absolute nonsense.>

He nodded. <Alright then… Kirk or Pickard?>

She smiled. <Well, if you must know…>

They fell into a comfortable rhythm. A simple game of ‘What did you think of-’ then discussing the likes and dislikes. The heated debate about the spores drive in Star Trek: Discovery, the groans over the MCU. Kara’s shoulders relaxed and slowly realized she hadn’t laughed so much in ages. Her throat burned. It was worth it though. She didn’t want to stop.

She also found out he was actually watching her streams. When she figured out which viewer he was she clapped her hands. He was her Moira! 

<I can't believe you are one of my Glitches,> she snickered. <So the autograph was really for you, huh?>

Somewhere during the conversation, her legs stretched out, thrown over his. They were both comfortably leaning back. Donnie was still typing away on his device but he was fully invested in their banter.

<What can I say, you had me star-struck.> 

Kara usually didn't really pay attention to her multitude of followers but a few of them stood out. Especially one called DonTron9000. She remembered that one night after- she didn't expect anyone to join her back then. It was 3 years ago. She was just starting with the streaming. The hour was odd and she only got on because she couldn't bear being home alone. He was the first one to jump in. He was funny, smart, and didn't talk down to her. Even if later a few other people did join them she always reserved one specific voice line on her soundboard for him. A dedicated DonTron button. Her Moira. 

Huh. Life was strange… She snorted and shook her head amused.

<What?> He asked, smiling himself.

<You clearly are following my work as a scientist and to top it all off tracking me as H0AX. If I believed it, I'd say it’s fate. Or that you're my stalker.> She noticed that he turned his head away from her, clearly embarrassed. She tapped his leg with one finger and he glanced at her again. <So what - you are having your fan feelings conflicted with the paragon of justice?>

<No, no, it's not like that!>

<So I am still going to jail?>

<No> a pause <probably not, maybe. I just. You are this complex puzzle and I can't wrap my mind around you!> That was honest. That was probably the closest he could get to an answer for her and himself.

She sighed. Somehow she felt bad. He definitely, in some way, used to look up to her. And to be honest… remembering the streams and especially the closed event streams which he always would join - yeah, she somewhat looked up to him as well. Damned be the human emotions and parasocial relationships. <Listen, I’m not- I’m not as good of a person as you probably think I am.>

<No, I had no such delusions,> He threw in with a sour expression. <But if I may- something that my dad once said- you're probably not as bad as you think you are.> At least he wanted to believe that. Otherwise, they all would be in deep trouble.

<Right.> She scratched the back of her hand. 

This was going in a weird direction. She slapped her hands on her thighs. He looked at her confused.

<What do you think of Mass Effect: Legendary edition coming out next year?> She tried to steer the conversation to something more comfortable.

<I'm not sure, I haven't played the original trilogy.>

<What? Oh, you gotta! I love that game!> And thus new direction sparked up.

It all went on, with breaks as they had to eat and make pit stops here and there. Eventually, it was getting closer to sunset and April reminded Donnie he needed to sleep a little before she'd let him drive.

They were getting closer to New York when she finally called him to the front of the car. Kara and Cheryl were napping.

“Donatello, reporting for duty,” he joked as he awkwardly slipped into the front seat next to April. 

“Hey Donnie," she smiled. 

"There should be a gas station an hour away from us." He read his device. "Good spot to refuel one last time before we reach New York."

"That's great," she said. It was time for the uncomfortable moment. April cleared her throat. "So, how's Kara? You two seem to be getting along?"

"Yeah, she's… an interesting person," he agreed slowly.

"I figured,” she smiled. “You talked a lot, do you have any answers?" She asked carefully. 

"I am not falling for her if that's what you want to know," he replied, giving her a sharp look. "I mean, I probably am, but I am not an idiot. I know she'd most likely try to play me." He thought back to the night of the shootout. While he loved their conversations and he recognized the symptoms of a crush in himself he knew she was most likely very opportunistic. That first impression really stuck. "I finally managed to hack her phone though." He was honest in his talk with Kara but the safety of his family always came first.

"Oh," April glanced at him. "Anything interesting?"

"A lot actually, I sent most of it to the lair," he shrugged. 

"I see, so what do you want to do?" She looked over her shoulder quickly at the two sleeping women.

"I think it will be best discussed with everyone." He looked up from his screen. "I think she is hiding something. There was a trace of a text message from a couple of hours after we set out. I can't recover it though." He frowned, shutting everything down. "But she got really weird after it. It might be worth looking into and… I still don’t want her in jail but it will be a group decision."

April nodded. "So you are trying to get her to trust you?"

"Mostly, yes," he nodded. "I want to be sure she won't hurt my family."

“You and me both,” April smiled and they fist-bumped. 

Kara wasn’t sure what she expected but the lair in the storm drain sewers wasn’t one of them. Her eyes went wide as she took in her surroundings. She easily spotted Donnie’s ‘command center’ and the lab. A drumset, a punching bag, and weights. A ‘Japanese corner’ of sorts. Everything was neatly divided into sections. Then she saw them. The remaining three brothers. The angry red one. The stoic blue one. The bouncing orange one. 

“Why are there two of them?” Raph fired the question first after everyone got out of the van.

“Hello to you too, brother,” Donnie replied. “The travel was okay, thanks for asking.”

“It’s good to have you back,” Leo approached them, giving April a hug. He turned to Donnie, took his hand and they bumped their shoulders. “But Raph has a point.”

Suddenly, Mikey fell down to the floor, jumping off from his hoverboard.

“Guys, guys, let’s not be so rude to the ladies!” He raised his arms to get the attention. Then he turned to ‘the ladies’. “Welcome to our fortress of awesomeness.” He bowed deeply. “I’m your host, Michelangelo, you can call me Mikey, my lady~.” He grabbed Cheryl’s hand and leaned to kiss it.

Cheryl and Kara exchanged looks, while April just looked amused. The bros collectively groaned. “Mikey.”

Cheryl smiled sweetly then quickly manipulated her fingers in his hand pressing hard on a nerve. “I’m Cheryl and I just don’t swing your way.”

“Ow, ow, ow.” Mikey dropped to one knee.

She released her hold and took a step back. “It’s alright, better to establish things early.” She and Kara high-fived.

“Okay, I like her,” Raph said from the back. 

“You can watch them then,” Leo told him and pulled Donnie to the side. 

Mikey massaged his hand. “Damn you don’t play around, huh?”

“Experience and precaution,” Cheryl responded.

"Must have been some experience," Raph walked closer. "Self-defense classes?"

"Yep, krav maga, pepper spray in the bag as well," she smiled looking up at him. "With a taser."

"Nice," Raph nodded with respect. "Always looking forward to a new sparring partner if you ever need one," he offered and she snorted. 

"Thanks, I will keep that in mind."

"Alright." Leo pulled Donnie away from the group. "Talk." 

"Well, I texted you everything on our way," Donnie said to his brother. "What has Chief Vincent said?"

"She's interested but wants to talk to the hacker first,” Leo informed him, “but this isn’t what I mean.”

“What then?”

“When I was talking with Chief Vincent, she was in the room with their IT specialist,” Leo said slowly, his arms folding as he looked straight at his brother. “He said that it’s strange we just didn’t confront her in New York since your files clearly had her address.”

Shit.

“Now, I don’t know why you chose to lie to us, but I hope it was a damn good reason,” Leo placed his hand on Donnie’s shoulder. “Because if she puts our family in danger… I would not want you to bear the guilt of it.”

Donnie swallowed. “Right.”

“I trust your judgment, little bro,” Leo continued. “I hope it’s correct this time as well.”

Raph was pleased to find out Cheryl wasn’t involved in any crime. She was fun to talk to. Donnie would still get a stern talking to about getting his crime-wife into the lair. Like they didn’t have safe houses around the city. Specifically for this kind of stuff.

“Kara’s not as bad as you make her you know,” Cheryl defended her after he voiced his opinion. “She never put me in danger before and I’ve known her since elementary school. She is really protective of people she cares about.”

“You’re saying that 'cause she’s your friend,” he huffed.

“True, but doesn’t make it false,” she retorted with a shrug.

“Hey, guys?” Mikey popped his head in Raph’s line of vision. “Don’t want to kill the vibe but- she’s gone.” 

“What?!” Raph pushed Mikey aside and looked around. Has he really-?! "Where is she?"

"I don’t know dude, but she left like 5 or 10 minutes ago,” Mikey popped a chicken nugget into his mouth.

“And you didn’t say anything?!” Raph grabbed his head in disbelief.

Mikey shrugged. “She gave me nuggies, I thought she was going to the toilet.”

Raph cursed. He had to find that pest!

Kara meanwhile explored some more of the lair. It was huge. It burst with the individuality of each brother but she also noticed the lack of doors. There were screens installed here and there but the main area was an open field for the most part. What of course was calling to her the most was the science part belonging to Donnie. 

On her way there though she was distracted by a single "room". It had bonsai trees, and beautiful ornaments. It had a generally different vibe. 

Suddenly a piece of paper fell on her head. 

'Hello' it read with an arrow pointing to her left. 

She turned her head and jumped a little. A giant rat was looking at her. His hands were protectively wrapped in bandages and he was wearing a red robe. It gave her a pause and he patiently waited for her shock to wear off. 

A notepad in his hands clued her in that he was the author of the note. When her pulse calmed down and her shoulders relaxed he smiled softly and wrote another note and showed her the notepad.

'You must be Kara. I am Splinter, the father of the four young turtles you have met.' She read and smiled back at him, giving him a nod in response. So now she had a face to put in the stories Donnie told her.

Meanwhile, Splinter wrote another message. 'You have quite captured the attention of Donatello. It's been a while since I have seen my son interested in anyone this much in a long time.'

The rat handed her the notepad and she took it. 'I think it's less of an interest and more of an annoyance. I tend to have that effect on people.' She joked. 

 Splinter chuckled, having read her response. He offered her his arm, which she took and he patted her hand. It seemed she was about to have an interesting afternoon tea.

Raphael barged in on them about 10 minutes later while they were playing shogi.

Kara watched Splinter scold Raph and the big guy trying to look apologetic while glaring daggers at her. She just slowly sipped her tea. It was a really nice blend and so well made! She grinned at him which earned her more scowling. 

It was hard to read what Splinter was saying as the rat’s mouth was so different from a human but she noticed him mention Donatello’s name. She wondered just how much trouble she got the tallest turtle in.

Just as she finished that thought the blue and purple brothers appeared at the mouth of the room. Both of them gave her stern looks as well. Well, shit. She apparently tanked on the best guest to the lair list. 

<You shouldn’t have walked away on your own,> Donnie scolded her. 

<Yeah, sorry.> She rolled her eyes. <Can I borrow some tools?I need to fix my hearing aids.>

He nodded and quickly told his father and brothers where they were going. This seemed to earn an air of slight disapproval but no one stopped them. She had a feeling she might not get along with Leo. 

At the lab, Donnie handed her some tools and sat nearby to watch over her.

She gave him an amused look. Did he really think she would- okay yeah she would. His lab was amazing. So many projects he had placed around, schematics, his computer. Her eyes were sparkling and her hands were itching. But for now the more important thing. Fixing her hearing aids. 

She sat down and opened the tiny device. From the corner of her eye saw Donnie lean in closer. Curious, huh? It was an easy fix just a wire fried and another got out of alignment. Did and done. She closed it up and placed it over her ear, together with its pair. 

<Say something> she told Donnie. 

He nodded. "Test, test, one two three."

One quick adjustment later, she had her hearing aids working properly. 

"Why do you wear them?" Donnie asked, signing simultaneously. He had the impression Kara was very comfortable in being Deaf.

<Well, they have their uses,> she said. <They're fine in places with minimal noise though useless if we'd be somewhere loud. But the outside world doesn't always take kindly to my preferences. And there are certain perks to them,> she smiled. She couldn't not do that. <Like music, sounds of birds, and knowing more or less how your voice sounds like.>

Donnie coughed, clearing his throat, and she giggled. 

"Can you not do that?" He sighed, exasperated, signing as he spoke.

<Do what?> She asked, playing the innocent, eyelashes batting. 

"Flirt with me. I know you are doing this to gain my favor," he grimaced.

<I wouldn't be flirting with you if I didn't think you were attractive past that van kiss,> she retorted and watched him visibly flustered. 

He couldn't blush but he blinked, straightening up and his expression morphed into a startled confusion. He was speechless

<And that is why I do it. Don’t think too hard on it, though,> She winked. <Also you don't have to pretend to be friendly with me to get things out of me. I noticed your successful hack on my device. Congrats.>

He huffed and shook his head. <I guess we're even?>

<I guess we are.>

<Will you tell me what that deleted text was about then?> He dared to ask.

<No, that's private and doesn't pertain to any of the stuff between us.> She straightened up, narrowing her eyes. 

At that point, Leonardo decided the two had enough alone time and decided to interrupt. 

"Donnie, bring your friend to the main area," he said, giving Kara a look. 

"Be right there," Donnie replied. 

When they arrived Raph was sitting down, arms folded and displeased, Mikey was watching fascinated as Cheryl demonstrated some physics-based home experiments and Leo was standing up.

Donnie gestured to Kara to sit and she took the chair, landing between him and Raph.

"I have finished talking with Chief Vincent and informed her that Miss Williams has-" Leo started talking but a robotic voice from Kara's phone interrupted him.

"Dr. Williams," she corrected him. "I did not get that PhD to just be called Miss."

“Right, Dr. Williams,” Leo corrected himself. “has arrived into our custody. She wants to meet with you tomorrow evening.”

Of course, she did. Kara huffed. <I don’t want to talk with the police.> She grimaced.

Cheryl translated as she reached over and placed her hand on her friend’s shoulder. She then looked at the turtles. “Is it really necessary to go to the precinct? Can’t she come here or somewhere more neutral?”

The brothers exchanged looks. It was true that after what had happened since May… 

“We could take her to April’s or one of the safe houses?” Donnie suggested.

“I can arrange that,” Leo agreed. “But what I can tell you now is that after seeing all the files you had she’d be more than willing to give you protection. If your story checks out.”

It was better than nothing she had to admit. Cheryl’s comforting presence was giving her some sort of confidence.

<If it’s all the same to you, I think I’d rather have you four around than some cops,> she told them. <Especially, since I know Donnie.>

Leo nodded. He glanced at Raph who was unusually quiet. 

"Raph?" 

"You know where I stand, Leo," the red masked turtle replied. "She causes any trouble for us, I will throw her out."

"Did you get that?" Leo looked at Kara and she gave him a thumbs up. 

<I just have one question,> she signed.

"What is it?" 

<Do I have to stay here? No offense but it is a bit damp here and my hair is not going to love it.> She really wondered how Donnie kept the dampness away from his machinery.

"It is a valid question," Cheryl added.

Leo sighed heavily. "We'll think about it."

"Do I have to stay here as well?" Cheryl asked. 

"You're free to go, but we will be monitoring you for your own safety."

That settled things for now and the meeting was adjourned. 

Kara leaned back in her chair and looked at Cheryl. <Can you bring me back some of my stuff?>

<Sure, get me a list, I bet these guys will not let me go on my own so maybe I will get free bag carrier service,> Cheryl joked. 

<Great.> She quickly opened her notepad app and wrote a quick list of necessities then shared it with her friend. This way if she remembered something last minute it would update Cheryl immediately. 

Later, Cheryl got escorted by Raph and Mikey to the apartment building she and her friend lived in. It was an older building, well renovated for the upper class. 

Mikey whistled looking at it. 

"Nice digs."

"Thanks. Kara owns two floors of it," she said.

"Paid with that dirty money, no doubt," Raph grunted. 

"Actually no, she gets paid a lot for the legal projects she is part of," Cheryl explained. "I don't know why she still does things the way she does but I trust her." 

She slipped them all through the back door and led them upstairs through the old service staircase. Technically it shouldn't be in use but the two friends discovered it one day and kept it as an emergency escape. They all climbed to the top floor and Cheryl let them out through a hidden exit. Raph struggled a little with the narrow and low door but even he squeezed through.

"Okay, here's the… flat…," Cheryl froze in front of the door. 

A cracked open door with a busted out lock.

"Shit."

"Oh, that's not good," Mikey winced. 

The two turtles exchanged looks and pulled out their weapons just in case. 

Cheryl walked inside the flat, following behind Raph, with a sense of dread filling her insides with ice. 

The apartment was flipped upside down and there were definitely things missing but what scared her nearly to a panic was a single rose on the counter. It didn't seem like the two noticed it yet so she quickly swiped it and threw it into the trash. But not before getting the note off of it.  

She inhaled and dug her hands into her pockets. Then she went on to asses the damage. 

"So, anything in particular missing?" Raph asked when she finished. 

"All the electronics, Kara's streaming rig, some jewelry," she counted out the list. 

"I'll call Leo, you're probably going back with us to the lair after all," he decided and she didn't protest. 

"I'll just pack some clothes and toiletries. At least those are still here," she mumbled.

While she was packing, Raph called Leo. The two discussed the new situation. They got April on the call and with Cheryl's agreement it was agreed she'd crash at the O'Neal-Jones place. At least until they can sort it out.

Next was calling the break-in to the police. Something that Cheryl was reluctant to do.

"Let's just say, we didn't have the best experience with cops in the past," she explained and the turtles just nodded. 

After the Krang situation, the four brothers still held that hopeful idea that cops were supposed to protect the citizens. They still were on good terms with Chief Vincent. She was a good woman and the officers from Headquarters that initially helped them were alright. That was why they still helped the Chief with difficult cases, but in majority… The turtles had to stop cops from abusing their powers in the streets just as often as regular criminals. Especially in the poorer neighborhoods. Bullies were everywhere and they loved positions of power. 

Still, the report had to be made. 

Raph and Mikey took all she packed to the lair and she stayed behind to give her statement.

Kara frowned when she noticed the increased amount of luggage. She didn't ask for this many things. When she asked what happened an icy feeling crawled up her spine. Thankfully she kept her important tech in a different location, so the thieves shouldn't be able to get anything incriminating from it. 

When Cheryl returned, brought in by Leo, she left the turtles after giving them a brief recount of what happened after they left and immediately went to Kara. The two pulled into more private space, away from the turtles. 

Cheryl made sure they were alone and then pulled out the crumpled note. Kara didn't need to read it to go ashen. Her hands trembled as she took it from her friend and opened it. The message was simple: 'Payback <3'

Her legs gave under her and her throat squeezed and her heart raced. Her vision went blurry and she fought to get another breath in. Her knees almost hit the floor but Cheryl caught her. Tears streamed down her face and her hands tightened on her friend's arms. 

Donnie walked in on them as Cheryl had her in a tight embrace comforting her and waved him off. She pinched her to bring a new sensation and try to break the panic.

Cheryl pulled a little back and placed Kara's hand over her sternum, while placing her own hand over Kara's. She gestured with free hand to follow her breathing. Slowly. In and out. The two synchronized. 

<Better?> Cheryl asked and Kara nodded slowly. Exhausted, the small woman slumped against her friend. 

Cheryl looked to Donnie who was still there on the fringes. 

"Is there somewhere that she is going to be sleeping that I can get her to now?" She asked him quietly.

"Uh, we haven't organized anything yet, but you can put her in my bed. I rarely use it anyway," he offered. 

"Thanks," she replied. 

She helped Kara walk to the nook that was Donnie's bed. A quick run later to the luggage and with small help from Donnie she brought Kara's weighted blanket and covered her friend up. 

Kara curled up in a ball and sighed with some relief when the heavy cover swallowed her up.

Donnie waited until Cheryl stepped back from her friend to ask her what was bothering him. 

"This isn't just about the break-in, is it?"

Cheryl hesitated. "There's more to it yeah but- it's her choice to tell you guys. That stuff… it's very private."

"We can't help if she hides something vital," he pointed out. He thought for a moment then asked one more thing. "Does it have something to do with the scar on her throat?"

The flash that went through Cheryl's face was enough of an answer for him. 

"That's what I thought." He nodded. "I'll wait." 

[zyafics]

babe ur headspace fic is so goood :( esp where she felt guilty for going out with rafe and thought she should be studying instead ?? that felt too true.. last year i debated on going to my shs GRADUATION or not bc i had a college entry exam in the same week (im 19 now dw) and felt like i needed to study a lot more and its just wasting my time, a few times i even felt guilty for taking a break off studying because i had a massive headache, and thinking back that was … unhealthy ?? so i love u so much for making me relate n comforting me with that fic u deserve the whole world :(( still currently thriving to be an academic weapon even in uni but remember to take breaks u guys … ur wellbeing always comes first <3

im sorry this is so long omd

omg, please never apologize!! i love rants like these my inboxes because it truly gives me inspiration and motivation to keep writing, especially because i know how much you love and relate to the fics!! 🫵🏻💖

i completely understand with the whole guilt thing and i really hope you made a good decision for yourself during that time and made the most out of your senior year 🫂 whatever that may be, just know i’m here to support n love u 😘 (also if u ever struggle in calculus and history, i got u 🤞🏼)

and lastly, PREACH!! one of the hardest struggles i have was taking care of myself in uni but i’m coming to put my mental health + self care first (fun fact, i have a math assignment due in <24hrs but i have yet to started 🙂‍↔️ n i’m not stressing i’m screaming inside)

but seriously, all in all, assignments and classes are temporary and so is this pain but your health and well-being is FOREVER! remember to take care of yourself first 🩷

[celiastjms]

Episode Three, oh boy, where do I even start? Buckle up friends. This is going to be a long one, also yes, behold! Scenes from a Marriage Spoilers ahead!

I’ve watched the episode five times in the last 24hrs between work and sleep this should give you enough information about how much I loved it.

Mira shows up to Jonathan’s home, their old home with the intention to wow him — which she successfully does, yes, but her clothes, the way she dresses herself and wears her hair, her make up too, it all underlines that she now finally carries to the outside what she had carried around with herself for god knows how long on the inside. She is loud, she is bold, she takes no shit from anyone. She is done making herself small. BUT she isn’t done with Jonathan.

She wants him back. She still loves him. It’s why she is stalling the divorce, signing the papers would make it final. For the moment she gets to hold on to him, to the possibility that MAYBE it isn’t over. Her waiting with the promotion until she has talked to him, asking for his input, underlines as much. She wants him back, she hopes that maybe he would come along to Europe with Ava. She doesn’t dangle the “ We could start fresh, just the three of us. ” In front of him, she plain out asks if he would come. ( Later on she asks if it would change anything for him if Poli wouldn’t come, granted, but I’ll get to that part in a moment. )

What’s interesting to note here, is — and back to her attire we go, that she never takes off her coat. Not even when she huddles under the blanket. It’s a protective measure, a shield if you will. What if she lays herself bare in front of Jonathan and he rejects her? Her realizing he has turned the upstairs bedrooms into rumbled storage only intensifies that fear because those two empty room visualize a gaping hole in both of their lives. So on one side her never taking off her coat works as a protective layer of sorts but at the same time it symbolizes that at any moment, she is ready to leave.

After their failed conversation about London, she makes as much clear when Jonathan who doesn’t want to let her go, keeps offering her wine until she gives in. Him destroying Mira’s truth so easily, poking holes into what she thinks she has realized for herself speaks for him finally being able to call out her bullshit but at the same time he goes at it from the wrong angle, because Mira IS finally free even if she doesn’t find the freedom she claims she has in being alone and detached from everything like she claims she does, she does find her freedom by getting to be herself in a relationship, she doesn’t need to make herself small, she meets Poli head on ( they fight as he states in the phone call but we’ll get to that ), perhaps a bit stronger and with a bit more force than she needs to because she is worried that if she doesn’t then she’ll slip back into old habits and make herself small again. From one extreme into the other.

So Jonathan implying that Mira is lying to herself is right. She is lying to herself. She can’t even acknowledge while she left him in the first place, why their marriage failed and going back to him without doing that means she would fall back into old habits FOR SURE. Her straight out pouring the espresso he made her into the sink for once stating to him directly what she wants while he suggests she wants something else, making a decision for her like he so often has before — mind you he was rightfully miffed because she yawned while he talked about his therapy, signaling a lack of interest with that; was beautiful to see. It’s sad she didn’t communicate more clear with him outside of that moment when she insisted he read his morning pages to her.

Claiming Mira didn’t hope they’d wind up having sex, would be a lie. It’s proof for her, that he still wants her, that he still craves her. She backed down when he told her off even if his rejection did hurt. She tried a second time, but she didn’t push past his no, didn’t try to soften his resolve or press his buttons. She offered to leave instead. He claiming she had missed him too and had thought about him too, wasn’t a lie. In the way she’d struggled to leave in episode two, basically fleeing the house and telling him she’s no longer attracted to him in an effort to hurt him so he won’t stop her, shows that that wasn’t easy for her and that she wasn’t playing him when she said that. Her telling him she’d come this past week only thinking about him was definitely an effort to get what she wanted. An excellent effort, but you know, still only that.

Now I was so proud of Jonathan the entire episode for the progress he had made and for calling Mira out and all that only to watch it go sour within seconds. Why didn’t he just turn off his phone? The concept of a potential girlfriend in his life was as jealous inducing as it was thrilling to Mira, because what if he still chose her even though he had someone he liked and was interested in? The ultimate prove that it wasn’t too late. Until he made sure she heard the call and heard him take a break with her. Then it became real, reminded her that she was potentially pushing him into the role of a cheater.

Him being irritated when she instead of jumping his bones and leaning into his touch, pushes herself away, and walls to the point where she slips back into how things were between them before she left him, drove home how calculating that move of his was.

It becomes worse when he pulls out that voice message. He had this leverage over her this whole time and waited for the perfect opportunity to present it to her. You can tell me what you want, that is fucking calculating. Granted, Mira only told him that Poli was away and didn’t mention any relationship trouble ( but then why would she? ). When she asks if his decision would change if Poli wouldn’t come to London with them, she implies that she would leave him and would want to start fresh with him not directly dangling the “ A fresh start and new surroundings is what we need ” in front of him, but she implies it.

They both played each other incredibly dirty in this episode.

BUT ( and yes of course there is a but ), Jonathan pulls the voice message right after he tells her that what they had was a miracle and that they are THROWING it away, not threw it away, throwing. Present tense, everything he says about them there he says in present tense NOT past tense!!! It’s been a year since they parted and he still holds on to her and he still loves her and he still wants her back and by showing her that voice message of Poli stating that he wouldn’t stop Mira if she were to go back to Jonathan he tells her he knows that it’s no one holding her back but herself.

It’s also what he told her when he asks her what Poli has to do with anything.

And Mira? Telling him he shouldn’t end it and that “ It isn’t unforgivable ” and that maybe she will forgive him? I don’t know if she realizes it, but she is asking him if he could still forgive her.

The utter beauty and absolute tradegy of this episode was that they communicated past each other nearly the entire time.

I cannot wait for next week’s episode. Even if I doubt I’m ready.

[letsdiscoverkitty]

"Life" Update - May 2021

This is the last of the three updates I have to post at the moment. If anyone actually reads these, especially in one go, you really do deserve a medal and I have no idea what I have done to deserve your kindness and support but THANK YOU SO MUCH (to all of you who are here, you are all truly wonderful and amazing) Okay, let's get going....

I suppose the title is a bit, well, overkill. To say that anyone has been had any sort of "life" over the past year would be a huge misuse of the word. The global pandemic has, quite literally, turned life upside down for the vast majority of people and I know that lockdowns, especially in the UK, have meant that anything other than what was deemed "essential" has been off the cards, which has hit us all hard.

I personally found it quite difficult whilst I was in hospital as although on the one hand it was good to know that there wasn't much that you were missing out on whilst locked on a ward with 15 minutes fresh air (if you were lucky), it did make it hard to find/hold onto motivation at times. Coupled with the fear of how my dad's condition would progress, whether he would make it and what sort of home life I would be going back to; the world suddenly felt even noisier than it had before (which I didn't think was really possible). The situation seemed to further heighten my fears as well as add to them. I found my mind was swamped with so many questions and fears, to then be asked about my future/what I wanted to do with my life (that classic question) and what my motivations were to get better, was too much. I fell blank.

I had completely lost myself and any shed of hope that was left inside of me. I tried to put on a smile; paint a different picture to the outside world but inside I was dark. I was hollow. I was empty.

What was the point? You never know what is waiting around the corner; everything can turn upside down overnight. What kind of 'life' would there be going back to anyway? Would it be possible to go to University anymore or would there still be multiple restrictions in place? would that make the huge financial costs worth it? What sort of society will we be coming out of the pandemic anyway? Will we even come out of this? Will people ever go back to offices again? Will we be able to see friends soon or go out to places? What about travelling? Fun? LIFE?

I found depression swamped me more than ever after dad's accident. I was trying to hold myself together for mum but I was losing all hope of anything ever being 'the same' or 'okay' again. In the end, the only reason I accepted the admission was for mum - I wanted to be able to support her with dad in hospital and us not know what the future held; as much as I wished I could be there all the time, I knew in the state I was that I couldn't. Initially I was told the admission would be a short one, that I could then go back home to support my mum through the family trauma...but that 4 weeks soon turned into over 8 months, which I still can't believe.

Gosh, I am sorry, I seem to have got a little distracted. This was meant to be the POSITIVE update. So let's get to those bits...

NEWS ONE: I HAVE A JOB (starting in Sept)

So whilst in hospital my consultant kept trying to get me to think about what I wanted to do with my life (just the small questions you know *lol*) - in her eyes she thought it would be risky to go back to University to do neuroscience/a degree so intense, and that instead I should think about doing something more creative, taking small steps to get a part time job and then go from there - which, as much as I hated to admit, I agreed with. However after one particularly bad run-in with the nutritionist when she decided to tell me that she didn't think I could achieve a life beyond Anorexia (it must have been mid-way-ish through my admission) blah blah blah (I get that she could have been trying to motivate me but there is a way to go about it and then there are ways to really not go about it and she chose the latter). Anyway, I was rather angry/mad and ended up doing basically trying to prove everyone wrong and started doing some research into my different options...

Long story short: I ended up applying to a degree apprenticeship scheme in business management...I've never really considered something like this before, perhaps partially because at school they drilled into me that business was a "soft" subject as it would not be looked upon very highly for Oxbridge applications *rolls eyes*. Thankfully I did a lot of research into Degree Apprenticeships a few years ago so I knew where to look online. Anyway, back to this application. I ended up going through the process/tests, somehow managing to make it through the initial online stages, then just before I was discharged I was invited to a online interview!

I only had a few days to do the interview before it timed out so I actually ended up doing it In the end the day after I was discharged (not ideal) and I was convinced that I had messed it up as it was one of those ones where you get shown the question for around 30 seconds before being given 2 minutes to respond - i.e. stress.pressure.anxiety.stumbling over words. HORRENDOUS.

I somehow passed the interview and the reviews before being invited to an online assessment centre in Feb, which spanned a whole day and included multiple interviews (the first was a strengths based interview with 2 interviewers for just over an hour - yuck!!!) as well as a presentation which we were given 24hrs in advance to prepare for (we were given 4 'topics'/questions and had to answer all of them in a 15 minute window using aids if we chose to, again to 2 (different) interviewers before having a 45 minute further interview - double yuck!)

Dare I say that I actually enjoyed the preparation for the presentation and the interviews?! It was so nice to have a focus and something to be working on that I was actually really beginning to connect with/want/see myself doing. The interviews and presentation themselves? HORRIBLE but the process reignited something within me. After the assessment centre day we were told it could be 7-10 working days to hear back from them - waiting for anything like this is just the worst so I wasn't looking forward to it and tried not to get my hopes up as these schemes are ridiculously hard to get into... Well, I got the call the next day saying that they were so impressed and out of something like 14,000 applications, I was offered one of the spaces on the scheme!! - I honestly still can't believe it and imposter syndrome is v real -

I know at the beginning of this I sounded very blase about the whole thing but as I progressed through the process, as I read more about the scheme and the business and what it would entail, the more I began to get excited. The more I realised how interesting it was and what an amazing opportunity it would be for me.

Despite this, I was also at the time, finishing up yet another an application to University (for the millionth time, I swear I must be a pro at these personal statements by now) this time for psychology and behavioural studies. This was before I got the offer of the degree apprenticeship scheme, which I knew was a long shot with only a handful of places given for thousands of applicants, so I felt I had to keep my options open (Neuro is still an area of fascination to me but not so much with the INTENSE LEVEL of physiology and pharmacology that I was doing at Bristol. Yes bits of it were good and interesting but that degree was ridiculous and, again, I felt far more drawn towards the behavioural studies and psychology when researching into Universities). I ended up getting 3 offers, 1 interview for Cambridge and 1 rejection (ironically from Bristol, even with my recommendation/support being from my previous personal tutor at Bristol!) - so I suddenly had options. And then the offer from the degree apprenticeship came through and there were even more options to choose from.

It honestly felt so surreal (and still does).

In the end, after a lot of thinking and debating and researching and talking, I decided to withdraw my University application and I accepted the degree apprenticeship role. Overall it is such an incredible opportunity that I knew I couldn't turn down, whereas University will always be there. I am actually getting a little excited about it (as well as extremely nervous, but I must say that the company has made a really positive/good impression thus far, even as far as creating MH podcasts with a psychologist for us and offering things like zoom baking sessions!).

So what is this degree apprenticeship? In short, it is a 3 year course during which I will have a Monday to Friday job at the company (for which the office is actually commutable from home - it is about 1hrs drive, which is not the best but it does mean that I can stay at home for at least the first year and there is a train I could get if I was too tired to do the drive all the time. As much as staying at home is not my long term plan it might help with the transition back to work/education to have a bit of stability and the support). During the first 2 years at the company we do four separate 6 month rotations in different areas to get lots of experience (marketing, supply chain, sales etc) whilst in the final year you get to put in a preference for where you would like to work for the year long placement. During this, every 6 or 7 weeks, we have to spend a week at University (which is not in commutable distance at all so the the company pays for our accommodation, travel and food during this time). As far as I have been told, we also get time during the working week allocated to do Uni work as well as our standard 'desk' jobs. Oh and not to mention one of the biggest sellers for degree apprenticeships....the company is basically sponsoring you so pays ALL of your tuition fees PLUS a basic salary! This means that you come out, in this case, with a Chartered business management degree, 3 years of hands-on work experience, as well as you being pretty much guaranteed a job within the company AND no student debt!!! How incredible is that? PLUS one big perk of the job is that they allow dogs in the office - I mean how could I say no to that?!!!!

So yes, by some magical miracle I actually have a job lined up for September! It still doesn't feel real and I am yet to fully process it. They don't know how it will be affected by COVID but the company did continue the programme last year (unlike some that postponed) so fingers crossed all should be going ahead. I have 'met' the other 4(?) who are on the scheme at my office as well and they seem lovely (including one other person who is my age/slightly older - which was such a relief as I was worried about it being only people just out of college).

I realise that it is going to be tough, I do not underestimate that at all, but I couldn't let anorexia still yet ANOTHER life milestone and opportunity away from me. There was a lot of questioning as to whether I should take it or not; I went back and forth between many spreadsheets that I made but I think this opportunity far outweighs going back to University. I have tried that route twice already and had to leave because of everything/haven't really coped (I think in some ways, being at Uni there is TOO MUCH free time and it allowed my perfectionism to run riot as I always felt like I was 'behind' in one way or another?). And that is not to mention that if I was going back to University, I would need to spend another 3-4 years studying, I would leave with little work experience or job in mind at the age of 29/30 with a mountain of debt.... And as I said before, I can always go back to University if I want to in the future/re train if I decide to, but this opportunity with a global company, well, this will never ever come my way again.

So yes that is my BIG BIG news. But I also have one more bit of news....

I'm getting a kitten. Yes, A KITTEN!!!!! I have so much more to say on this but for now you will have to wait and see. Photos will come when SHE does (a couple of weeks now)!!!

[little-butterfly-writes]

At First Sight

Invitation

A part of The Mystic Dance event. I want to thank everyone for participating and making this ballroom come to life!

Word Count - 2135

Warnings - Jaehee may be a bit OOC, Jumin Han makes an appearance

A/N - This is completely unedited. This is what I threw together in 24hrs because I forgot I even held this event until I made reminders. 😘

I wait outside, waiting for a carriage that's expected to arrive soon. It's cold out. My cloak isn't doing much to help me.

I nuzzle my cheek against the fur trim on top, trying to keep the wind's chill off my face. It doesn't take much longer until the sound of hooves gets louder. My heart races in excitement, seeing the cart come to a full stop. I pick up my skirts and jog up to the cart.

Jumin pops open the door and gracefully steps down. I'm not too graceful, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He wraps my arms around my waist. A simple greeting between friends. "Jumin! You're finally here! Thank you so much for coming early." I let go, adjusting his cape into place.

"I'm sorry my father couldn't join us. You know him and his lovers." There's a hint of disgust dripping in his voice. I sigh, patting his shoulder. Another pair of footsteps hit the pavement. "I hope you don't mind, but I brought my head servant. She'll be helping me with business for the few extra days we're here."

I turn around, having a gloved hand shoot up to stifle my gasp. My eyes force themselves to blink as a way of trying to rid themselves of any dreams or hallucinations. A beautiful woman in front of me. Dressed in a black over dress, a white shirt underneath and a ribbon bow around her neck. I gulp. I'm sure I look insane now.

"Pardon me, princess. I did not expect to see you so soon, I would have dressed more properly if I had." Her voice is polite and sweet. She curtsies. It takes me a second to find my voice.

"There's no need to dress more properly, you're fine as you are. And please, just call me Layla." I curtsy back. A tight feeling in my chest begins to bloom. I fold my hand in my lap. "May I know your name?" 

"It's Jaehee Kang." She's nervous. I can see how her gold eyes are slightly widened. Jaehee pushes long, curly chestnut locks behind her shoulder. 

"Shall we go inside?" I try to resist the urge to fiddle with my fingers. Jumin hums in approval back to me in response. "Servant Kang, please gather the bags." Jumin orders. 

I watch as she pulls two bags from the inside of the carriage. I led them up the stairs and inside the palace. A servant comes up for assistance. "Please take their bags and show them their rooms. Make sure they're comfortable and give anything needed. Thank you." I give him a small nod down to show my gratitude. My torso twists so I can face them. "Please rest for as long as you need. I'll see you at dinner."

The servant leads the two of them down the corridor and up the stairs. I let out a shaky breath, pressing a palm on my chest to calm my beating heart. It's a feeling I'm unused to, along with the quick warmth spreading on my cheeks. I shake my head and briskly walk to the throne room.

My father watches me as I pace in the room, holding my hands behind my back. "My dear daughter, what is the matter?" I sigh, finally stopping and sitting on the platform the throne stays. 

"Dad, is it wrong for me to have feelings for Jumim's servant? I mean...she's so gorgeous and I can see her heart of gold. I want her to be my queen." I hide my face in my hands, feeling conflicted about what's going on in my head. I hear a loud gasp above me.

I look up and bite my lip. My father is wearing a big smile. "Oh, my dear daughter found love! And just before her coronation too!" He chuckles lightly. "If you really want her, take that risk. Do you remember the risk I took when I took you in and claimed you as my child?" I nod, wringing my fingers. My mind wanders to the past where we were both harassed until my father had enough. I stand up and hug him.

"Thank you, dad. I'm happy you support me." My arms tightened around him. He pats my back.

It takes a long time to get to dinner, but it went by too quickly for my liking. Jaehee and I could only exchange smiles at the table. I leave the table when we finish eating, feeling unsatisfied. 

I go to the balcony. On the third floor, where it overlooks the courtyard. It's near my room, I like to go there when I'm stressed out. 

The door creaks, making me turn back to see who it is. Jaehee stands next to me. "Sir Han and the King wanted me to ask if you were alright. They said you looked stressed at dinner." I lean on the marble fence. She comes closer to me.

"The two of you came here really early. There's still fourteen days until my coronation. But...I'm really glad you guys came. I've Never been this nervous before." We stood in comfortable silence for a while. "Jaehee, I know we just met but I can see you're unhappy working for Jumin. Have you ever wanted to start your own path?" I look at her, seeing her cute profile.

She stays quiet for a few seconds. "No. This is a safe job for me. It pays well and I can handle it." Jaehee looks down, tracing circles on smooth stone. I pat the back of her hand, retracting quickly so I don't make her uncomfortable. 

"Follow what you want. If you don't, you'll keep living unhappily. I want you to be happy." I whisper the last part, giving her one last glance before heading to my room.

The two weeks go by quickly, being busy with preparations for the dance the evening of my coronation. Yet, Jaehee and I kept talking. It was either through passes in the hall or through letters we had servants deliver to each other's rooms. I remember one saying that she was going to start following her own path, saying that she wants to find a path that will mean something to her..The last few letters have been playful flirting, but it still confuses me. How does she really feel about me?

A knock sounds through my room. I go to the door after applying a red lip stain. Jumin is standing tall at the doorway, looking shocked for a moment. I back away so he can come in and close the door.

I grip the handle tight, giving myself time to breathe before turning to him. "Thank you for coming here, Jumin. I know it's early." I nibble on my lip, moving closer. I smooth out the formal skirts I'm wearing and fold my hands.

"You look nice. I'm sure you'll do great." He cracks one of those rare smiles. I thank him, bowing down. "What was it you needed?" He asks, motioning for me to stand straight. 

"Jumin, I know Jaehee works for you and that you have the say in this," I take a deep breath. "I want to ask Jaehee to be my bride. If you say yes and she says no, then I won't force it. I don't care that we're both women or that she's a servant, I-'' I stop, seeing Jumim's stare.

He rubs his chin, considering it. "If she makes you that happy, then I'll allow it. Servant Kang is her own person. I do  owe you a favor for helping me. I ask that you help me find a new worker for me though."

I nearly cry at the confirmation. I hug him softly, thanking him over and over. He offers me his arm and we walk down to the main hall once I calm down. When we reach there, Jumin lets go and finds a place in the crowd to sit. I take a deep breath, waiting for the silence before I make my way to my father. 

When the chatter stops, I start my walk down the aisle. I keep my head held high and my eyes forward. At the crown in my father's hands. When I reach him, I kneel down before him.

Dad's voice rings throughout the hall. "Today, I step down from my position as king. Today, you will have a new ruler. My daughter will be taking the position as queen." My scalp tingles as the metal is placed on my head. I look back at the crowd, immediately seeing Jaehee smiling at me. I fight back a silly smile and walk down the aisle once more, as queen, with my father's walking beside me. The announcement of the dance has already been spread, so it's only a few hours until it starts.

I rest until it begins, donning a new dress. It isn't as puffy as the last one. Instead, it's slightly puffed for easier movement. Champagne with a pinkish hue goes with the silver of my crown. I think of seeing Jaehee in her gown, feeling butterflies in the pit of my stomach. 

I quickly rush down to the ballroom, seeing that I'll be late if I don't. A small nod to the guards at the stairs and into the ballroom. Citizens are mingling. I even spot Jumin talking to a beautiful woman. My body relaxes, realizing I'm not the center of attention at this minute. 

My eyes search for her. Jaehee. Then I see, she's in a golden ball gown with a golden hair band that reminds me of a halo. She's standing off to the side, observing everything around her.

I go up to her, extending my hand. "May I have this dance?" I can't hide the flush spreading on my face. Jaehee's eyes go wide.

"Aren't you worried about others judging you?" A small frown shows on her face.

"I don't mind. If you really don't want to, then I won't force you." She takes my hand, following me to the center of the room. I lead her in a slow dance. Jaehee looks up into my eyes, studying me.

"Layla," she inches a bit closer to me. "Do you think we could stay like this? Maybe not as friends, but…." Jaehee looks away, letting out a frustrated breath.

"I actually have something to ask you." I gulp. "I would like it if you became my wife." I watch her jaw drop. "Only if you want. I won't force you to say yes, you can say no and I'll leave you be. I just think you're so perfect. I want to be with you. And if it doesn't work out, I'll let you do what you want to do." I purse my lips to stop any rambling.

"Yes." Jaehee's beaming at me. "Please, I want to be with you too. I still want to take things slow, but I'm sure of this." I wiped a tear from her eye.

"I understand. I'd like to get to know you more before we marry. Should we announce the news while we're here?" I nuzzle my nose with hers. Jaehee nods, walking with me to the platform. I signal the music to die down and for the guards to quiet the crowd. They focus their attention on us, seemingly confused on why the queen is with some stranger.

"As you know, I received the position of queen just today. Yet I have an announcement for everyone here, this is my bride to be. She will be your new princess." I wrap my arm around Jaehee's waist, to which she wraps hers around mine. A few yells of anger come out from the crowd, but my father and the guards shush them.

"You will respect Jaehee as a princess. She is someone I love, and if anyone causes harm to her there will be serious consequences." Jaehee squeezes tighter, a bit anxious about all the eyes on us. "Jaehee will be a part of the palace now. That is all. Now, please enjoy this dance." The music starts back up. People are still paused, but they accept the fact that I won't budge and resume their dance.

I look over to Jumin and my father, both smiling. Jumin hands my father his handkerchief when my dad starts crying.

Jaehee faces me. I lean in and press my lips against hers, enjoying the sweet taste of her. "I never believed in love at first sight before I saw you, but you've proven me quite wrong." I cup Jaehee's cheeks, feeling her nuzzle my hands. "I love you, my princess."

"I love you too, my queen Layla." Jaehee wraps her arms around my neck. I smile, wrapping mine around her waist.

[delta-for-change]

August

Many think August is the start of Autumn, of cold whispers and haunted dreams, but they are wrong. August is the month of boldness. It’s the time when the sun beats down the hottest, when ocean waves are the strongest, and when winds are the most chaotic. This is the month where change is decided, where the old gods are separated from the new. 

So, July was... okay. Some things worked out, some didn’t. I struggled most at the end of the month as well as when outside forces were mentally draining me. More importantly, I’ve finally gotten access to a scale and discovered I’m actually 10lbs heavier than I thought. Thus, to factor for all of the above information, I’ve made a better, stricter plan; my goals have changed to better suit my needs. Heavy Trigger Warning. This is going to be long. 

Before I list out my truth for this month, the ‘you’ I reference throughout the post is ‘me/I.’ These are some of the goals I have for the month, and they are not meant to pertain to anyone else. Please do not follow my diet plan as it is not made for you. If you’d ever like to talk, feel free to send an ask or a DM my way. Recovery is the best option. 

STATS:   → Height: 5′1  → CW: 140.4lbs/63kg  → BMI: 26.5 By AUGUST 31st...   ✩ CW: 131lbs/59kg  ✩ BMI: 24.7 I hope to lose 9lbs this month, putting me back to what I thought my SW was. I will also once again be under 60kg w a healthy BMI range rather than overweight. 

ROUTINE:   ⚇ Morning Routine  ⚇ Daily Planning  ⚇ Exercise  ☉ Productivity towards house  ☉ Productivity towards application  ⚉ Shower   ⚉ Read  ⚉ Night Routine WEIGHT LOSS:    ⇥ Daily kcal limit: 1000 ((7,000 per week. 31,000 total))   ⇥ This means no more binge/cheat days. Those don’t work for you. You use them as an excuse to go ham in your kitchen which makes you take two steps back and negatively impacts your mental health. If you overeat one day, account for it - you know it won’t ruin your progress. Just be aware.  ⇥ Speaking of being aware, track every day. Tracking will help you understand yourself and your body better.   ⇥ Try the One Bite Method. All you need is one bite to satiate yourself. You’re not craving any food; you’re craving that big boost of serotonin - that disappears after the first bite. So, if you want ice cream, don’t make yourself a bowl, make yourself a spoonful.   ⇥ Fast +24hrs, minimum once a week.   ⇥ Before your first bite of the day, you must drink a full bottle (16.9 fl oz) of water. Water is going to help with your skin, help you wake up, and give you a feeling of fullness before breakfast.   ⇥ Do not eat after 10pm.   ⇥ If you’re tired and it’s past 11pm, go to sleep - don’t snack.   ⇥ High protein, low carb, medium fat. Yes, this will be difficult, but you can do it. The most important thing to focus on is the protein - aim for >60g a day, or >50%. Carbs should be <20g. Fats aim for >30g per day.  ⇥ To follow through with this diet, absolutely no refined sugar. In fact, keep your sugar intake low (fruits are fine).   ⇥ Your plates must not only look appetizing but also have a good balance. Thus, you must eat one (1) fruit or one (1) veggie per meal. Yes, this also means you have to account for more calories.  ⇥ Avoid oil, added fats, and butters. Never use to cook, only flavor.  ⇥ Never eat while making yourself food. If you need to taste-test something, do so, but don’t overdo yourself - and don’t forget to track those calories, infinitesimal as they may be.  ⇥ Never go back for seconds.   ⇥ Drink +2L water daily.  ⇥ Exercise Daily. This can be any sort of activity that gets your blood moving, including walking, running, dancing, stretching, workout routines, yoga, etc. On days you fast, heavy workouts are not necessary, but you still must remain active in some way.   ⇥ Finally, eat because you must, not because you want. Never eat when bored, only eat when hungry. You can control your cravings. You can control what and when you eat. All you need to do is remain consistent and vigilant.   

BUSINESS:  ⇥ Always have a To Do list for the day; always have a plan, and always plan to be productive.   ⇥ Use the “touch it once” approach. If you have something to do, just sit down and do it. Squash it and be done. Don’t procrastinate.   ⇥ Be friendly and outgoing towards your coworkers. I know it’s scary and difficult, but nobody is judging you except yourself. Being kind and extroverted will only benefit you.   ⇥ Read min. 30min per day. Instead of scrolling through your phone before bed, open a book. Try to read two books or more this month.   ⇥ Study min. 1hr per day. This can be anything, but ideally it is prep.  ⇥ Give everyone, including yourself, the best ‘impression’ you can give. 

If I follow through with my above rules, I should easily reach 131lbs by the end of the month. I’m already so distraught over how heavy I actually am and how much more difficult it will be to achieve my goals. I must get there, and I’m running out of time. There are only 146 days until Christmas. 20 weeks. 304 days until June 1st 2021. 43 weeks. No time. I must get there. I will get there. I will be the greatest version of myself I can be.  Now, by the end of August, I will have:  ✪ Reached 131lbs  ✪ Finished all college-due assignments and prepared ahead ✪ Fasted +24hrs four times (totaling >96hrs) ✪ Followed all of my above rules to the best of my abilities  ✪ Read 5 books ✪ Brought joy and camaraderie within my communities  ✪ Improved myself. 

If I do not complete the above, I will have failed both my friends, family, and coworkers, my future life, and, most importantly, I will have failed myself. Therefore, I have no intentions of failing. If I cannot do this- the bare minimum- I cannot do anything.  REMEMBER...    ❂ Always apply yourself. Manifest your goals. If you don’t wake up with determination in your heart and strength in your soul, your goals will never come to fruition.  ❂ This period of time is of growth. Your happiness is the most important thing.  ❂ Improve yourself every day. Don’t worry so much about giving a bad impression, just do everything you can to the best of your abilities.  ❂ Above all, care for your soul. Without it, your physical being has no meaning. Your soul drives you; keep it sacred. And remember, the pain you feel today will be the strength you feel tomorrow.  

[thesmpisonfire]

Oh great and all knowing Des: do you think that Fundy will do anything for Valentine's Day? Or will he just spend the 24hrs leading up coding something cool that we will never see?

He said that he was working in a big video the next days and he has around 3 to 4 days between his streams now instead of the normal 2-3 days (yeah i pretend i know his schedule but that man has no notion of schedule or whatsoever) and with the information from his last stream this gap might go to 4-5 days since he ALSO has no notion to when he is gonna finish it (maybe this stretch to an entire week)

We know that Fundy has the (unhealthy) habit to work himself to exhaustion whenever he is happy doing something or just very focused (cmon hyperfocus and no sense of time without a timeline???? Fundy you are making me relate to you and I have adhd /j) and it usually takes him 4 days to do big stuff (all the coding for his wedding video was made in around 5 days but he slept through an entire one so it was 4)

Idk when its Valentine's Day in USA so I'll guess its the 12th. He has 4 days to do it and a valentine's surprise can be the 'video' he is working on (maybe the sequel to the soap opera he himself created in his channel) or its just a completely different thing and we are a bunch of fools :D

......idk if I should be proud of me for knowing all this stuff and putting it together

[idle-writer]

it’s a date

IT’S A DATE!

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: too much cliche none

word count: 1.5k-ish

A/N: This is in response to @the-ss-horniest-book-club ‘s 24Hr. Surprise Drabble Challenge. Theme is Summer Dates. Hope you enjoy reading! :)

Too hot. That is your first thought upon waking up, tossing your blanket away as sweat drench your body, your sleep shirt clinging uncomfortably to your back.

“FRIDAY. Can you please lower the temperature in my room please?” You ask the ever reliable A.I., hoping you’ll be able to get more sleep. It has been less than four hours since you returned from your week long mission (which you manage to finish in four days) and you want nothing more than snuggle in your bed away from the summer heat.

“I apologize, miss. But the cooling system is under maintenance.”

A frustrated groan leaves your lips, knowing you will not be able to go back to sleep, you jump out of bed and decided to raid the fridge for ice cream.

“Ooooh looks like someone woke up in the wrong side of bed.”

You choose to ignore Tony’s teasing and head straight to the fridge. Another frustrated groan when you see no frozen sweet delights.  

“Seriously?!”You shut the door of the fridge, closed your eyes and softly bang your head on the door, the cold metal door oddly comforting.  

Suddenly, instead of the hard cold metal, you feel something soft and warm touch your forehead. Looking up, you are met with the familiar ocean eyes you’ve grown to love. Bucky is standing next to you, his right hand cushioning your head from the metal door, his brows furrowed in concern. “You’re gonn’ hurt yourself, doll.”

You’re not sure if it’s still the summer heat or the fact that Bucky Barnes is standing next to you in very close proximity with his skin touching yours and his stupidly cute way of saying doll, but the warmth gets worse and you struggle to compose yourself. Instead of giving him an answer, you just dumbly stare at him, noticing a single drop of sweat that slowly trailed the side of his face down to his chin. Your eyes flicker quickly to his parted pink lips, and you unconsciously lick your own.

“Doll?”

“S-sorry, this heat is making me crazy, Bucky.” You turn away from him to hide the blush that is starting to creep up your face, grabbing the collar of your shirt to quickly fan yourself. “And there’s no ice cream.”

Bucky gulp, catching a glimpse of your covered chest through your over-sized sleep shirt. Turning his eyes away when he sees you looking at him, and you can’t help but notice the faint blush on his cheeks. “I-“

Whatever it is Bucky was going to say is cut off by someone calling both your names. Sam approaches the both of you, a smirk on his face. “I swear to god, you two are always in your own little world when you’re together. Tony was just saying we can all go use his rooftop pool. As apology for the ‘accomodation difficulties’. So... Pool party! You guys coming?”

“NO!”

Your answer is so abrupt, even Bucky was caught off guard, a surprised look on his face. Sam, on the other hand, is squinting his eyes at you as if he’s trying to read your mind.  

You are not comfortable spending time half-naked. You should be used to it but you’re not, especially since you spend your time with gods both literally and figuratively of good physiques. You clear your throat, an attempt to cut the awkward silence, “I mean. I’m not coming. But Buck, you can go if you want.”

Bucky slightly shook his head, his stare not leaving you, “I’m not really in the mood.”

“Okaaaaay, your loss. If you change your minds,” Sam pointed up with his thumb, “we’ll be there.”  

He waved goodbye to the both of you (to you mostly), before disappearing behind the door.

You must have looked gloomy even after Sam left because Bucky asked you what’s wrong, in which you answered, “There’s no ice cream in the fridge.”

A brief silence followed by a hearty chuckle he seldom use but you oh-so-love to hear. He is grinning at you, “Then let’s go get some, doll. Meet me at the lobby in 10?”

You can’t help but return his smile, “It’s a date!”

He took you to an ice cream parlor he and Steve used to go to when they were kids. Even he was surprised when he found out a few days ago that the place is still operating.

After you got your orders, you both decide not to stay and chose to visit the park instead, sitting under the shade of a big oak tree. There aren’t a lot of people around. They’re probably staying indoors away from the heat, you thought.  

“You got a little something here,” Bucky leans forward, thumb brushing the corner of your lip before licking the cream off his thumb as if it’s the most natural thing to do.

Bucky’s eyes widen just as yours are upon realizing what he has done. He misinterpreted your shock, kicking himself for making you feel uncomfortable. He is about to apologize when at the exact same moment your soft laughter filled his ears. Something you usually do but he still loves to hear.  

“Thank you, Bucky,” You grin at him, “That’s some romantic comedy move you got there.”

He shakes his head at your silly comment, settling his gaze at random things around the area, your smile focused on him too much for his old man’s heart to bear.  

“But seriously, Bucky. Thank you.”

He chance a glance at you in the corner of his eye as you stare at your fingers fiddling absentmindedly on your lap. “You didn’t have to. But thank you for accompanying me. I’m sure it’s probably more fun to spend time with the others in Tony’s rooftop pool. I mean. It’s Stark’s rooftop pool-”

“Stop.”

And immediately, you stop.  

“Did you want to go?”

Afraid your voice will crack, you answer him with a silent nod.  

“Then why did you...” He cut himself off, pausing for awhile, “Can I tell you why I didn’t want to go?”

“You know of my past, right? I have scars,” He try to smile but there’s so much bitterness in it, you almost feel your eyes sting. “They’re not pretty, doll.”

The silence that followed made it seem as if you can see the painful memories come flooding back inside his mind. Your heart aching for the pain he felt before and the pain his memories are causing him. Showing his scars means showing his weakness and pain.  

Gathering your courage, you’ve decided to come clean and make him feel he’s not alone.  

“Can I also tell you why I didn’t want to go? I… I’m not really as built and beautiful as you guys,” you start, a sigh escaping you. “Now that I say it out loud it sounds stupid. I’m sure our friends will not judge me. And compared to your reas-“

“This is not a competition, sweetheart,” he gently chided. 

He softly brush the stray hair away from his face, hoping you’ll look him in the eye, which you did almost instantly when you felt his fingertips touch your face. “And besides, everything about you is beautiful, doll.”  

------

It is already dark when Bucky and you returned from your ice cream date escapade. While you were walking towards your own rooms, Bucky asked if you still want to go to Stark’s pool. When you said yes, he smiled and said to meet up in 10. Before he can disappear from his room, he stopped by the door and grinned at you, mirroring your actions from earlier, “It’s a date.”

And that is how you end up here. Maybe love heat can really make you do crazy things. You clutch the towel at your chest, and with a shaky breath, you walk out of the changing room. No one is around except the lone figure on the far edge of the pool. Letting the towel fall and pool over your feet, you walk closer. 

 Overseeing the city lights, Bucky’s back is turned to you. Even with only the moon illuminating the night, you can see the scars running through his back and his left shoulder where they are more prominent. Scars he sees as weakness, but you see them as strength. A testimony of his courage.  

He turn his head slightly to the side, making you catch a glimpse of his profile, you can barely make out a smug grin on his lips. “Can I turn around now, doll?”

You yelp in surprise and immediately jump in the pool, an attempt to hide your body last minute. You slowly swim towards him, sinking as you approach until only your nose up are visible. Bucky chuckles at your antics and as you reach his side, your eyes widen at the view. You are in awe at the sight of the different colored city lights as they blend perfectly with the night sky and the constellations above.  

You are unaware that you’ve stood up, exposing your chest up to the chill air and shivered. Bucky put his arms around you, his warm chest pressing at your back. You look up at him, a fond smile on your face, “Bucky, it’s beautiful.”

And as he looks down at you, with your eyes twinkling like the constellations above, he knows. What he’s looking at is beautiful.  

[unluckyopossum]

I Need A Place I can Rest- CH 1

Viktor Vector x Fem!V

Vik wants to fix things for V more than anything. V just needs somewhere to feel safe.

Read on AO3

The sun had long since set, the moon now rising steadily over Night City as the constant hum of the streets above the small clinic became more pervasive. Snippets of conversations and raucous shouts from Night City denizens filtering through the cracks and crevices of the old building. The cramped streets, and shadowed alleyways filling with increasing numbers of bodies going to the closest club, BD lounge, or love hotel. The daylight that filtered down the stairs into the dark clinic had been replaced by the neon glow of signs and adverts from above. It was well past time for any clients to drop by, other than a potential emergency, but there were 24hr joints for those. The esoterica was dim and Misty was likely back to her apartment by now, preferring to leave before the streets became so busy.

    Vik sat at his desk finishing up the day's paperwork and idly tinkering with his exo-glove. A habit more than a hobby at this point, since there was only so much that could be done for the gloves precision at a certain point. He had started taking his time closing up in the evenings, not because he was behind with his work, or wanted a moment of quiet time for himself after a busy day. Instead, for the small hope that a certain little merc might come and fling open the gates. V had started coming by the little clinic in the evenings frequently, shortly after they first met, and the addition of the relic to her person had only increased her visits. Vik relished in any time he was able to spend close to V, but the ripper in him hated what caused the encounters. The merc always seemed to be struggling with a new relic malfunction or scrape from one of her increasingly dangerous missions. From what little she had told him, the search for answers and how to remove the relic had her treading dangerous waters. Though it seemed even the gigs from fixers and ncpd hustles had been getting her into his clinic several times a week. Most of those visits just involved a quick bandage or cleaning a scrape; first aid she was more than capable of doing for herself now that he thought about it. The older ripper didn't think too long about it, not wanting to give himself any false hope that these visits were more to see him than to receive medical attention.

    Most of the time he felt helpless before V. Unable to save her from what the relic was doing to her, unable to find someone who could, and unable to express his feelings to her. So he instead had to trust the merc to find the answers herself, and pretend to be busy at the clinic late into the night on the off chance he could do the smallest thing to help her, trying to fight back the helpless feeling of not being able to fix this. Helplessness was not a feeling he managed well, and certainly not when it came to her. If he thought about it too much -like he did many nights- a deep feeling of self loathing would creep up for not being able to help one of the few people he considers close to him. If anyone should be helping her it should be him ...right? He should be able to keep her from dying like Jackie.

    He wasn't one to share his feelings but on the rare occasion Misty had caught him in one of these spirals she had given him one of her knowing looks and reminded him that having supportive friends and somewhere safe to go was helping V, a lot. She didn't neglect to add that V did seem to run right to him when things went wrong, so he was clearly doing something right.

    At the time it had made his heart feel like it would beat out of his chest as he tried to remind himself that of course she would see her ripper first. It wasn't like she was going to see Vik specifically or anything, he was just her ripper. Though that wouldn't explain all the times she has visited Misty to talk about some new tarot mural and always came down to see him. Often bringing him a coffee exactly as he would order without him ever asking for one first.

He shook his head letting the thought roll off of him, breaking out of his daydream with a long deep sigh.

    Not that he hadn't been paying attention to her since Jackie first introduced then, but he found himself getting stuck thinking about her more and more often. While Jackie was alive he told himself he was just thinking of her as a new choom. One who always made him laugh and could talk him into silly plans even Jack couldn't. A friend who he worried about on missions late at night and whose eyes held light in a way he had never seen even with the most advanced optics. One who probably didn't think of him as anything more than that. He had realized that he felt more than that when losing V became a reality, and he spent more time pushing those thoughts aside than he would admit... even to himself.

    Finally settling down his tools he ran a large hand through his hair, wincing towards the back of his head reminding himself that his chance at something more with her was likely long past for the aging ripper. Staying close friends and making sure to support her as she tried to survive was more than he could ask for.

    Before his thoughts began to spiral again he checked his monitor a final time. The corner of the screen let him know he had been lost in thought longer than he expected. V knew he was normally long gone by now. There was no point in him hanging around any longer if she wouldn't be dropping by, and he had long since passed any excuse that he was there to do paper work.

He rose to his feet slowly resigning himself to locking up and leaving for the day. His apartment was close by, but the idea of returning to an empty home wasn't an appealing one tonight. Normally he wouldn't mind the quiet time alone at home after a long day; to have a drink and decompress. Yet tonight being left alone with his thoughts the way they had been going was daunting.

    Bending back down to the desk he roughly snatched the keys off the surface to lock up the gate, turning to leave. It would have been clear to anyone watching his disappointment with the evening by the way his broad shoulders drooped as he made his way to the clinic exit. Heavy boots dragging across the floor, exhaustion more present in his gait than the normal reserved swagger he carried himself with. Reaching for the gates he halted in his tracks, his heart skipping, and a panicked weight formed in his stomach.

    The scuffed toe of a familiar pair of boots was just visible through the gaps in the gate grating. The leather barely peeking from the corner by the stairs leading to the alley above. Panic fully set in as Vik took a breath and time began to slowly move for him again, pushing him into action. He flung the gates open with more force than he felt he ever had before, and as he whipped around the corner was confronted with V's still form.

    Haphazardly slumped against the wall, her eyes were closed but the rise and fall off her chest was all Vik needed to breathe a sigh of relief. Her breathing was steady and deep letting him know that if she was in danger it wasn't immediate. Unconscious was a world better than what his first reaction had been, unconscious he would work with. A quick glance over showed one of her mantis blades stuck extended, metal twisted and warped where it connected to her arm. Her hands and forearms were splashed with drying blood, hers or anthers he couldn't be sure. Though based on the burgundy tint covering the entirety of her blade he could tell at least most of it wasn't from V. Kneeling next to her he placed a hand on her shoulder, and with no response, called out her name softly.

"V? Can you hear me sweetheart?... V? Valerie?" He tried at last.

Her full name was known to wake her after even the most degenerate nights out with Panam.

No response.

     In a flurry he popped back in the clinic grabbing a tarp to cover the exposed blade. Neither of them would be happy if one of the two was injured because he was rushing. Kneeling down he wrapped the blade securely and slipped one powerful arm under her knees, the other under her back. Lifting her off the ground as gently as possible the thought of how light she felt in his arms flooded through his mind for a short second before being cast aside by the hammering dread of what might have happened. As he turned to take her into the clinic she finally began to rouse. Looking up into his sharp green eyes barely visible over his shades she gave a weak smile.

"guess I didn't make it in the door huh"

she reached up her good arm, shaking slightly, and placed it gently on his cheek.

"yep not dreaming, sorry Vik" she kept speaking before he could even ask what for.

"' S’okay though, not my blood. Blade got messed up, but I'm fine" She mumbled and squeezed her eyes shut as Vik set her down in his procedure chair.

"V?"

"Sorry… it's just the relic, acted up real bad on my way over, that's why"

She gestured loosely towards the gate. A frown made its way across Viks face before he could control it. The relic, an ever present sore spot for him, a man he has never met slowly taking V away.

"I know what you're thinking Vik, but really, I'm alright... it's already passing"

She tried to comfort him, giving his forearm a delicate touch as he powered up the screens by the table, letting the touch linger as long as she could.

" Is it getting worse v, you  taking the blockers?"  A sheepish half smile creeps to her lips.

'' Well, I'm not taking them regularly..."

Which he knows means never.

" We just have a lot to do, and having him around is really helpful Vik"

“How much is he really helping sweetheart, he's the one killing you” A hint of malice laced the rippers words.

V’s face crinkled as she looked at the far side of the clinic, as if having a conversation with someone he couldn't see. Vik realized it was the dead rocker, he could help but be irritated that Silverhand was in his clinic, not that he had any say in the matter.

“It's not like he wants to” V said barely above a whisper.

”Wants what V?” He asked moving to unwrap her blade, and address the reason she was in his clinic in the first place.

“ For me to die, said he would trade in a heartbeat... well not that he has one anymore, other than mine” she shifted in the seat looking uncomfortable as if she didn't want to disappoint either of them with her response.

    She had to know how Vik felt about Johnny, it wasn't like he could hide the disdain in his voice when the parasitic rocker was brought up. Johnny was her friend now, and while they gave each other shit all the time she didn’t want Johnny to think she blamed him. She also didn’t want Vik to be disappointed in her for befriending the engram slowly killing her. V didn’t give a shit what most people in Night City thought of her but Vik was on the short list of people whose opinions mattered most. Higher on that list than she was willing to admit, and higher than Vik could know. Vik sighed, thumb and forefinger rubbing across his brow drooping his head.

“ I know you don't like him Vik, but he helped get me to you” The ripper peaked back up at her eyebrow slightly raised.

“ I know V, hard to separate him from what he’s doin to you though, don’t want to lose someone else to the relic, especially not you”.

    He hadn’t meant to remind her of Jackie but he couldn't help but think of him, dead in his clinic. Trying to clean up his best friend for his family when arasaka ripped him away. Their relic threatening to rip V away from him in a way that felt so similar. It was hard to admit but losing V terrified him more than even losing Jackie, the terror ever growing the more she wormed her way into his heart.

She had started to frown, he realized, probably thinking about Jackie. He worried that he had made what she was going through even worse, he had hurt her.

“ Sorry V, shouldn't have brought it up, tell me about your arm, what happened.” He desperately tried to change the subject. He wasn’t trying to make her feel guilty but seemed to be saying all the wrong things.

“ Ah... nah Vik, you didn't do anything wrong, didn't mean to worry you… don’t need to waste your time thinkin bout me.” But he always thought about her, worry or not.

She lifted the arm with the damaged blade shifting it inspecting the warped metal.

”This though, cyber psycho. Not the usual fair though. None of them have been like her so far, and you know I have butted heads a bunch of these guys so far.” She paused slightly, eyebrows furrowing ” Some maelstrom ritual on this girl, must not have gone well since she went psycho and all. Spooked me though, looked like a ghost or something. So she caught me off guard hence...” she flapped her arm in the air, the blade creaking in protest.

” She really did spook me for a second though Vik, I've seen a lot but that was a first.” the ripper finished gathering his tools with a chuckle settling down on his stool by her arm to get to work.

” Can’t imagine you being bothered by much out there V, quick pinch” before she knew it he had done a ring block on her arm to get to work.

” Yeah... I guess it wasn’t so much the ritual, or the dead malstromers, that's pretty much my everyday. I guess I doubted what was real for a second. Hit a bit too close to home ya know. Guess that was never something I had to think about until recently and now… well. You know.” Silence hung in the air, only the clicking of tools and metallic creaking breaking it.

    Vik wasn’t sure how to respond, to him V was still V. The only person who could brighten any day for him, who he couldn't stay mad at no matter how much trouble she brought through his door, and the person who made him feel like his heart would stop when she looked up at him. It wasn't just her though he knew, now when she clung to his arm trying to talk him into something he wouldn't want to do, Johnny was right there with her; And one day soon it might not be her at all. Johnny could take over whether he even wanted that, and Vik may never see or even hear from her again. Her reality was constantly in jeopardy and that was what frightened them both. Vik didn’t want to wallow in those feelings though, thinking of losing V made him feel like a nail was being hammered into his chest right by his heart, an oddly motivating feeling.

” V, you’re you... the same V Jackie introduced me to. You may not see it because you have to listen to Silverhand all the time, but those of us who know you, we can see it. You're still the same you.” he squeezed her hand gently before snapping a piece of blade back in place.

    The merc blushed lightly looking down uncharacteristically shy, squeezing his hand back clumsily due to the numbness from the anesthetic. Her eyes darted up to his where he was already staring at her, eyes locking with each other. With a loud click the mantis blade retracted back into place pulling them both back to reality.

” Alright sweetheart I’m all finished with ya, should be back in working order.” the ripper started to stand leaving her side to return his tools.

Her hand darted out fingers tangling in the edge of his loosely tucked shirt.

”Vik… I…” she trailed off keeping a stiff grip on his shirt as he set the tools on the table by the chair.

”It's getting worse Vik... and well, I��m not sure I have enough time anymore… to fix this” he didn't move away from her grip but a hand returned to rub his forehead the ripper looking almost frustrated.

“V you need to stop giving that thing control, I told you that would make things move faster” her voice raised, she had wanted to be comforted not lectured.

”He isn't a thing Vik you know that, he’s my friend, and it impacts both of us”

“V he isn’t even a person, just an engram of a long dead Rockstar”

“I get it Vik, I fucking do, I don't want to die that’s the point... but I’m fucking scared and at least he is there when I’m alone” The ripper continued rubbing his forehead and let out a low exasperated sigh.

“V for fuckssake you know I'm not good at stuff like this” He wanted to comfort her and hold her tight more than anything, but the words he wanted never seemed to be within his grasp.

“Well fucking aware Vik, shouldn’t have expected anything more form you” … shit, he hadn’t meant to get mad, he wanted to wrap her in his arms and tell her it would all be alright, that he was right there and wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. That all he wanted was for her to survive so she never had to leave his side. But none of that would help her, would just make her uncomfortable, and put added pressure on her. He wanted to tell her he loved her … but stopped himself like he had for months.

“V…”

“Don’t Vik, I don't need a lecture” the merc finally let go of his shirt, attempting to sit up and get out of the chair still looking a bit dizzy from the previous malfunction.

She refused to make eye contact as she stood, preparing to delta as fast as she could.

” The last thing I need is the one man whose opinion means a damn to me giving me shit”

Vik started to open his mouth to explain, he wasn't trying to do that. He never wanted to.

” Look I know you hate him and you don't get it, but I'm trying my best. Even if that means Johnny needs to take over some times, and look... I get it it may speed things up, and that scares the shit out of me but I don't know another way.”

“ you could ask for help V”

“ Vik I ask for you help so much I feel like a leach, like i'm taking advantage, I bother you all the fucking time… I can’t impose on your life more than I already do. I know you cant want a half dead gonk barging in here all the time… I just… fuck forget it”

In one swift movement she hopped up and walked quickly towards the door, purposeful strides carrying her away from the ripper.

” Vik sometimes I don't want you to try and fix me, I just want you to be with you”

    She moved faster towards the gates before she said something that couldn’t be taken back. Something that might ruin the friendship she had and make her look truly pathetic. She had already accepted the ripper was taking care of her out of friendship, guilt at not being able to save her, or some obligation to Jackie. She just used that to see his face as often as she could, spend what little time she might have with him. She knew she had to be a disappointment to him though, just some dumb streetkid who couldn’t get her shit together when it came down to the wire. She reached the gate and turned her head back to him one more time.

“Vik … I know you might not feel the same .. but when I’m here with you… fuck.” she swallowed her words.`` I’ll take better care of myself, I’ll get you the eddies for my arm soon” and she disappeared around the corner.

“V “ he shouted after her, frozen in place.

   Vik stood in stunned silence for the most excruciating minute of his life. He had never been all that great with his words and couldn't respond as quickly as he wished. Sharing his feelings was a weak point all his exes had pointed out and he hadn't learned much on that front as he got older. Feel the same about what? Be with him how? A flicker of recognition flashed through his mind. He may make a fool of himself but it felt like now or never. Chase after the girl or she may walk out of his life forever, which meant he couldn’t see much for himself to lose. Normally not one to make rash decisions the ripper bolted out of the clinic flinging the gate open not bothering to lock up. If V was telling him she just wanted him to be near her, well he was going to make sure he did that for as long as he could calling out after her again as he bounded up the stairs.

    At the top though, he didn’t see her, just the normal gonks hanging in the ally. The shadows and light in the clearing played tricks on his eyes through his dark shades. Glimpses at figures that could be the merc seemed to be at every exit as he whipped his head around frantically. A familiar meow sounded at his feet, the pale ally cat looking up at him eyes wide and piercing. The cat brushed against his calf then walked towards the elevator, meowing again at the closed doors, becoming him to follow it, the elevator panel indicating it was up at the roof. With a heavy swallow he reached out, all hesitation gone and pressed the call button.

[is-that-another-soulmate-au]

Alrught so Modern soulmate AU bending is still a thing because I want it to be, sit down.

Soulmate AU: lock and key.

Everyone is born with either a lock or a key somewhere on them. The most common placements are the neck or the wrist. Some can be on their thigh, ankle, or even their waist.

Sokka has a key around both wrists

Suki has a key around her left wrist and a lock on her right

And Zuko has two locks on a single chain around his waist just above his hip bones.

Modern AU: looking for roommates.

Zuko put some 'looking for roommates' posters around town and gets a call from two people Sokka and Suki. He decides to meet up with them at his Uncle's tea shop (which I'm calling 'Dragon Insomniac' because I want it to be a 24hr teashop).

Now, onto the story:

"Zuko, you told them to meet up at 4 , its still 3" his Uncle said as he set down his nephew's cup of tea.

"I kno that Uncle, I just wanted to be ready for them" he fidgeted in his seat for a moment and readjusted the sleeves on his shirt out of habit.

"An extra hour of preparation before discussing roommates?" Iroh chuckled when Zuko nodded "alright, enjoy the tea, I'll show them to your table when they get here"

Zuko hummed a response as his Uncle walked off. Taking a drink of his tea he went over what he planned on saying to the duo when they managed to get to the shop.

Lost in thought he didnt even notice it had been a half an hour already, and only managed to resurface when he heard the little bell go off and two people walk in, a tall man with an undercut and his hair pulled back into a ponytail and a woman with shoulder length hair with the top half pulled back into a braid going down the back of her head. The man had a blue jacket on while the girl simply wore a green turtleneck sweater.

"Didn't expect us to come in at the same time, wonder which one he is" the man said while looking around

"Lets ask the man at the counter, I think he said his uncle owned the place" the woman pointed out

Ah, thats them. Interesting. Zuko let out a sigh and tried to swallow his sudden anxiety. He watched as his uncle directed the duo over to him and they both kind of stared at him for a second, turned to look st eachother and then back at him. Most people have that reaction due to his scar so he didnt find it unusual. He made a small wave and took a sip of his tea.

The two walked over and took their seats "Zuko?" The man asked as he sat down

"The one and only" he smirked a little "Suki and Sokka I presume?"

They nodded "yeah, so uhm, we actually know eachother from high-school" Suki motioned between her and Sokka

"Oh?" That was a little unexpected

"Yeah, I didnt know you meant this Suki when you told me her name, we haven't seen eachother in years!" Sokka chimed in

"Is the fact you two have a past together a deal breaker with being roommates?" Zuko rose his brow

"Oh not at all! It's a pleasant surprise to be honest" Suki chirped "we were two of the very few non-benders in the school"

"Oh? That's a relief to be honest. Last time I roomed with another bender they broke my gaming console" Zuko laughed

After they went over the agreements and signed some papers they all hopped into their cars and the duo followed Zuko to the apartment complex. Zuko gave them a mini tour and showed them his animals, that being a bearded dragon named Druk and two cats named Mushi and Lee

Before the end of the day Zuko handed them both keys to the apartment and sent them on their way to pack up, telling them he'd have their rooms ready by the next morning.

And he did, he had the rooms ready and organized with beds made (he totally went out and bought them both really nice bedsets in the colors they wore that day.) Laundry hampers, little bedside tables and a desk in both rooms, knowing through text conversations that Suki blogged and Sokka drew and carved.

Sokka was the first to arrive, having spent most of the night meticulously packing his items into boxes. "Wow, this is different than yesterday? Did you have this packed away?"

Zuko let out a snort "no, I went out and got the blankets and hampers after you two left, my Uncle had the rest of it in storage, I steamed the beds though so you don't have to worry about any dust or what have you."

Sokka raised a brow "you went all out huh?"

"Just being hospitable, I hope you like the bed set, I'll go start lunch, you down for burgers?"

"Hell yeah I'm down for burgers"

Zuko chuckled "alright, Ill get them started, when Suki gets here let me know."

Later on Suki arrived and she was just in time for lunch. Walking in and slipping off her shoes to set them on the small shoe rack Zuko set up, she sniffed the air "oooohhh whats that smell!"

"Zuko! Suki's here!" Sokka called

"Yeah! I could here that! Thank you though!" And with that said Zuko rounded the corner and made a little wave "Im making Burgers, do you want wheat buns, white buns or Brioche buns?"

"Brioche please, I like the apron" she giggled

He flushed "it was a gift from my uncle" the apron simply read 'look at these hot buns on the chef' and Zuko didnt want to get a new apron because he was afraid of hurting his Uncle's feelings

"He sure has a good sense of humor" she laughed

The rest of the day went smoothly and they all eventually went to bed around 11 that night. The next two weeks Zuko was busy working doubles at the teashop, Suki was busy working as a bouncer at Kyoshi Rise and Sokka was busy doing commissions and working at his dads flower shop, so it was kind of a blur.

The Saturday after the busy two weeks they all had off. Suki and Sokka were sleeping in while Zuko was taking the time to do some morning yoga, donning a pair of black yoga shorts and a red crop top as he did his stretches. The soul chain and locks hanging around his waist now visible to anyone who might see him. Though he was sure his roommates wouldn't be waking up any time soon.

Little did he know Sokka was leaned against the doorway to the kitchen watching his flexible roommate do yoga while sipping on a mug of coffee. "So thats where your soulmate thing is?"

"Ack!" Zuko lost his balance and collapsed on his mat "you twat! You could have waited until I was in a more stable stretch! Ow that really hurt" he rubbed his backside "and yeah, thats where my soul locks are"

"Locks? As in plural? I have two keys, Suki has a lock and key"

"Oh? Thats uh... interesting?"

"Whats interesting and what was that bang?" Suki yawned as she walked out of her bedroom

"Oh just the fact that we all happen to have two soulmates" Zuko said in a grumpy tone "and that bang was me falling because this jerk scared me while I was doing yo-"

"Woah, you're kinda hot" Suki blurted and turned red "sorry, ive just never seen you in a crop top. You're uh, well built" she cleared her throat awkwardly

Zuko froze and turned beet red "uh, thank you? I kick box and do yoga and that's about it" he then stood and stretched his arms above his head "anyways, do you guys want waffles for- agh! What are you doing?" He jumped back when Suki reached out to one of his locks

"Shush, one of your locks has a similar pattern my key I wanna try something" She brought her left wrist up to the lock "hey, what'd'y'know, it actually matches" she smiled but brought her hand back to her side "I guess I'm one of your soulmates huh?"

Zuko blinked at her and then looked to Sokka and then back to Suki "why didn't you unlock it then?"

She laughed "well if you have multiple soulmates you have to have both unlock at the same time, thats why me and Sokka lost touch after sch- Sokka come here real quick"

"Oh my gods" Zuko mumbled under his breath as Sokka came closer and brought his right hand up and smirked

"Would you look at that, weve been under the same rook for a total of two weeks and never noticed." The duo then looked at Zuko "would you be okay with us unlocking them?"

He nodded and watched them unlock his soul locks simultaneously and watched sokka unlock Suki's. His face was probably the same shade as his shirt when the chain sealed around his waist as a sort of tattoo instead of an actual chain.

"Well, this has been an interesting morning. But I have to restate my question, who wants waffles for breakfast?"

>should I continue this? I'm tempted, but im gonna end it here for now<

[iamaquaria]

Lando Stream

Time stamps are aproximated, can be a minute or two off

here are a list of some funny/memorable things from Lando 24hr Spa stream:

around 46 min: Max asks Lando how come he is a memelord

around 52 min: Lando is asked if he got any pubes yet and he says no

between 50/60 min: Lando dancing to ‘Never Gonna Give You Up’

around 1hr 32 min: Lando is asked what cars he have?

Lando very unamused: mclaren

around 1hr 36 min: Driver order: Max Benecke, Max Wenig, Max Verstappen, Max Norris

around 2hr 15min: Lando: GURLL

around 2hr 20min: Lunch time for MILKBOY

around 2hr 33min: he’s back eating an apple

around 2hr 34min: loud apple eating (ASMR vibes)

around 3hr: Max V. is back and asking very technical questions (he was training in a different lobby)

around 3hr 1 min: Lando rushes to rescue his food he’s forgotten about

around 3hr 4 min: Lando comes back with his food, he looks so happy — it looks like a burrito with mayo

around 3hr 9 min: lando says MILK

around 3hr 11 min: Lando plays as Carlos on F1 so he can always be behind Lando (that face)

around 3hr 17min: Lando drinks milk

around 3hr 18min: Lando is asked which drivers are best worst at sim. Apparently Seb is really bad and rarely trains on the sim while Carlos plays a lot on it and Max is the god in F1 sim

3hr 23 min: Lando “ I’m such a good chef ” — 1 min later - “ I’m pro chef Max, I got the starter pack from Testo but I have to prepare the chicken blah blah blah”

3hr 28min: Wagamama is apparently amazing

3hr 38min: Lando’s reaction to Kimi response to ‘tiny car comment’

3hr 51min: Lando texting the Milkman (he then ramble son that he is the milkman and loves milk)

3hr 53min: Lando joking pirelli tyres

4hr 7 min: Lando is asked when does his work week starts. He has no idea (has a very confused face on).

4hr 9 min: Lando’s team is blocked in the pitlane entry

4hr 10min: Max is behind the wheel now

4hr 13min: Lando to Max “Look at that! Commuting to those corners/offtrack”

4hr 15min: Max is driving like a Madman with those lines (just need to clip the banter between them in these timeframe - 20min)

4hr 19min: Lando’s laugh and angry Max (Max can’t drive without going off track)

4hr 22min: Shit Energy Car has beached on the gravel (player dc’ed mid stint)

*The off-track counter keeps going up bc of Max V being incapable of staying on the track*

4hr 26min: Max joking about his driving style on F1 being similar to in game (he loves driving on grass)

4hr 28min: Lando shows to the stream - Peppa Pig’s height ... (it’s 7”1’)

4hr 30min: Lando to Max “You should have gone for the outside” during Max overtake — Max “Next lap”. Lando referred to the awesome overtake of Max on Nasr back in 2015. Max actually practiced that move in iracing many times before. (thank you rosieu for pointing this out)

*Max has done over 40 off track movement in his first stint — the 4 stints before did a combined value of 50*

4hr 39min: Max has done 60 off track moves, totalling 100 in total so far (chat is really invested in this)

4hr 44min: He has a Renault car from Renault while the 570s is a “company car”

4hr 48min: Fan asks when will Lando be in a good F1 team. Lando is pissed and banned him. Lando “What do you mean a good team?” He’s very protective of McLaren bros

4hr 49min: Max V goes wide, Lando banters with Max

4hr 50min: Someone “Stop donating to a millionaire” Lando “Just bc I race in F1 doesn’t mean I’m a millionaire” (rolls eye)

5hr 1min: Someone asked “What Happened to Rich Energy?”

Lando “Dunno”

Max V “They ran out of energy”

5hr 5min: Max V did over 100 off tracks movements on his first stint 😬

*For Max V the track is the space between two barriers*

5hr 10min: Lando is asked the worst part of being an F1 driver. “The travelling, training and being away from home”

5hr 12min: Lando “IN IN IN IN” — Max V “IN IN IN IN”

*Max 2nd Stint*

5hr 14min: Lando “IN IN NO NO OUT OUT IN”

5hr 20min: Lando os AWOL, Max B told Max V “Keep on track”

5hr 22min: Maxes talking in Dutch, Lando comes in talking very rude words in dutch (tnx rosieu for pointing this out) and snacking

5hr 26min: Lando closes main race to train in another lobby (Max V created the lobby, password: redtube) b4 his stint (black screen until 32min)

5hr 38min: Lando crashes the car while training and rage quits “That’s why I practice b4 the race”

6hr 1 min: Max does 200 off track moves during his 2 stints

6hr 4min: Chat makes a joke, Lando laughts then does a self-depreciation joke. “What’s the difference between Max and a Flag”

6hr 6min: Joke from last post Version 2.0

6hr 10min: Chat “What are those racing lines?” Lando “Those are Verstappen lines”

6hr 11min: Donations Music time

6hr 12min: Lando and Max doing old grandma voice

*Lando is turning off all notifications to focus on the race*

6hr 14min: Lando “Box this lap, IN IN IN IN”

6hr 16min: Max V had 0.1 litter left of fuel, boy is on point

*Lando is driving now / Max V has taken a break “Can’t feel his feet” *

6hr 21min: Lando “I’m too focus to speak, I’m here for the team and not for twitch chat” (Someone clip this cutie plz)

6hr 28min: Lando “Lando the milkman, whassup”

6hr 32min: Lando “Now we are a bit quicker as we have less fuel but because of low temps we don’t have much degradation on the tyres”

7hr 9min: Lando makes a mistake after reading twitch chat instead of focusing on the race

7hr 11min: Lando wants a drink but “ha can’t have the drink”

*Lando is doing about as much off track moves as Max V. did during his stints*

7hr 15min: Max V. is back!! Lando is about to pit for his next stint

7hr 17min: Max V. “Good Pace” — Lando “A lot of runnoff” — Max V. “If there’s no penalty 🤷‍♂️”

7hr 19min: Lando 2nd stint

7hr 19min: Lando has his drink (water)

7hr 22min: Lando and Max banter (who has more runoffs)

*The 2 non-F1 drivers did around 15 runoffs each on a stint while Max V and Lando are doing over 100 a stint*

7hr 30min: Lando almost crashed, Max V is watching the race from the TV. Max V calls the other guy a retard

7hr 36min: Chat “Lando needs some milk” Lando “YAA man, I need some milk”

7hr 56min: Lando overtakes a lapped car and thanks him (as in, thumbs up to the camera and say “Cheers”)

7hr 58min: How is IRacing like? Lando “think of the worst car...” ... “Think of Williams guys, not McLaren” (should clip this later)

8hr 9min: Lando has made a great overtake and is amused the dude behind is flashing his lights at him

8hr 18min: Siren goes off. Lando “Is it loud?” *proceeds to make such loud sound*

8hr 20min: Lando “IN IN IN IN” “no no stay out” “are we in trouble guys”

*end of Lando 2nd stint, Lando will come back 6am UK time*

8hr 21 min: Benecke is driving, Lando is exhausted

8hr 25min: Lando is thanking all the subs he missed during racing, did a weird move with his jaw

8hr 27min: Lando “Oof, almost make 500 off track? Dissapointed”

8hr 36min: Lando panics when he sees Benecke did a runoff (he is one of the best in the server of safe driving)

8hr 37min: Lando has left to go to sleep (he said ciao ciao ☺️)

8hr 38min: Lando left a message in the middle of the stream screen

*Lando will go to sleep but leave the stream going*

around 12hr 27min: Max was finishing his stint, and the other max went IN IN IN IN

*Lando stream crashed, he started a new one, so time stamps are lower than should be*

5hr 16 min: Max will you be safe? Eyes closed safe

5hr 22min: Just had a SHOWUR

5hr 29min: Lando admits Max is amazing at FIFA and he sucks at it

5hr 31min: One Max asks who changed car settings, Verstappen says it was him laughing

5hr 38min: Verstappen almost crashes

*2 hours left of racing*

5hr 39min: Verstappen “McLaren ! McLaren!” “Lando go home”

5hr 48min: The broadcast says Verstappen did the fastest lap when it was Benecke (max v was very amused by this)

5hr 50min: The guys discussing why iracing is so nice to drive

5hr 51min: A max “you can run 2sec slower and still win” (they have a massive gap to p2) Verstappen laughs like a schoolgirl

5hr 63min: Lando “Max (V) won’t get to 1000x, he’s a pro”

6hr 5min: Lando comes back and plays with “MICROPHONE MUTED””MICROPHONE ACTIVATED” messages

6hr 6min: The Lord drinks MILK + snacking a sandwich

6hr 14min: Lando drinks milk and spills some

6hr 26min: Lando telling Max V he is the quickest. We stan a supportive friendship

6hr 27min:chat “ Is Max V drivin drivin?” Lando “Oh he’s drivin drivin”

6hr 30min: Stream down for a couple of min

6hr 38min: Lando put an audio of a meme, and then it’s just meme references between the two of them (cutie pies)

6hr 41min: Lando “Max (V) we need more offtrack to get to 1000” Verstappen “No way!”

6hr 42min: Lando “Max there’s a force india in front of you ... it’s OCON!!!”

6hr 43min: they talk about the emix of blue flag radio messages

6hr 44min: Lando plays blue flag remix song

6hr 47min: Max B “A couple of teams have around 2000 off tracks” Lando “we only have lower because you 2 (Max B and W) don’t go, it’s only me and Max” Max”Cool kids go off track”

6hr 48min: Lando singing “Blue Flag! Blue Flag! Blue Flag!” Max completing “Honestly, what are we doing?”

6hr 49min: Broadcast said that if Max does fastest lap he will win the race, no questions asked

6hr 54min: song played “SUPER MAX” Lando plays it to the Maxes in teamspeak

6hr 55min: Lando pitch’s the idea of a song called “Off-Track” by Max V feat. Lando

6hr 57min: Maxes teaching Lando how to pronounce words in Dutch correctly

7hr 8min: Lando “Would you prefer default or fail?” Max V “Fail definitely” Lando “i like more default”

7hr 10min: Chat “What was worse, driving in Paul Richard or that time you couldn’t turn your steering wheel?” Lando “Def the second, I couldn’t drive like at all”

7hr 11min: 0% Champagne is called Milk

7hr 14min: A donation “Imagine if last lap Vettel shows up and hits Verstappen” Teamspeak mic was open and Max V was like “If someone does that to me I will find his real address”

*Stream reaches 10K viewers*

7h 18min: Lando “I should be getting paid for doing as for puredriving”

7hr 20min: Maxes make a joke Lando don’t understand but most chat can as they are Dutch (max fans)

7hr 21min: Lando tells Max V to keep his head down to do a purple sector, Max V responds “My head is in my steering wheel”

7hr 22min: Max has enough fuel to make donuts at the end of the race

7hr 23min: Max V dissing Williams

7hr 25min: Max V almost crashes, Lando laughs. I mean, everyone is preoccupied

7hr 27min: Max V has a technical difficulty(his break pedal has fallen off) They panic for a couple of minutes, worth watching

7hr 30min: Lando MilkBoy is coming for the rescue, these last 30 min are golden

7hr 30min: Lando is drivin’ drivin’ now, they are very panicky

*Hectic end of the race*

7hr 32min: Lando can’t stop laughing, Max V break pedal snapped in half

*14k+ watching this burning train*

7hr 34min: Lando says they got karma for shit talking about their amazing lead and gap from P2

7hr 35min: They are just laughing at their shit luck

7hr 37min: Apparently Max V was going to change his pedals for new ones after this race (new ones already on his house), I guess he will have to swap now

*16k viewers*

I mean guys, they are just giggling the end of the stream, really recommend watching the last 30 min of the race

7hr 40min: End of the race. All of them so relieved and Lando does some donuts

7hr 43min: Lando is being a dick to the other cars, gets hit

7hr 45min: Lando and the Maxes mocks all the PEE WAN celebrations (e.g. Get in there Lewis!)

7hr 46min: Lando “I don’t want to be straight” Maxes laughs — Lando “I mean the car”

7hr 48min: Lando recaps the race

7hr 52min: Clip of the accident and then narrator is asking the drivers questions about the 20 min (man, this is golden)

Lando “It went all wrong”

7hr 56min: This interview is great, Max and Lando friendship exposed

Who was driving when:

A stint has a duration of 1 hour

1st and 2nd stint: Maximilian Benecke

3rd and 4th stint: Maximilian Wenig (he sounds eery similar to Kvyat)

5th and 6th stint: Max Emilian Verstappen

7th and 8th stint: Lando ‘Maximilian’ Norris

9th and 10th stint: Maximilian Benecke

11th and 12th stint: Max Emilian Verstappen

13th and 14th stint: Maximilian Wenig

ps: Lando will be on holidays during WTF1 event (he’s going to a different country - not saying which) (3h20m)

ps: Lando likes full fat milk, “if you’re going to drink it, go all the way”

ps: in the beginning of the stream (less than 30 min in) Max V. disses Williams: wow Williams is much better here than irl 😂

[togetherwelove]

6/14/20

But Sunday was more than a shit ton of errands like I lazily posted on my facebook.

The ride home from Madison, sleep deprived and cranky, I finally just laid all my cards out on the table chronologically. There's this exhaustion I just haven't been able to shake lately. Tired of cherry picking information, tired of listening to cherry picked information, tired of trying to be perfect and perfectly positive all the time. Saturday was a cumulation of a shitty week and trying to keep everything nice and neatly bottled up. So the ride home I just talked, not holding anything back, not trying to sugar coat reality. And it was hard. It sucked. But you know what? I was met with the same vulnerability and openness. And god that's all I've been wanting. That's all I've been needing.

So we went home and snuggled and talked some more and I finally crashed after 24hrs of being awake on about 3-5hrs of sleep.

Sunday we woke up and continued our talk. Continued the free flow of communication and vulnerability.

And I did something I've never done, I invited R to some yoga. Which is one of my most private and personal times. And you know, it wasn't awful and I would like to do it again. I think he even liked it too.

We made omletes which I'm finally starting to get the hang of maybe.

We had errands to do in the city. As habit has it, I quick got high. My tolerance is so low that a quick hitter blazes me. So we're driving along and I get super horny and sensual. And one thing leads to another and the next thing I know his dick is in my mouth as we're driving down the highway. Which is something I've always always wanted to do but never thought I'd have the guts or confidence to do it. It was my second new experience of the day and I think he enjoyed it as well.

We got to the city and after months of quarantine I finally got my haircut. She really didn't change too much, just reshaped it but it looks about 10x better. And she was nice and polite. I always get nervous that they're going to be assholes who also don't pay attention to what they're doing. But it turned out fine.

We went to goodwill to drop some shit off. You had to take everything out of boxes in front of the person due to covid protocols and tbh I find that super humiliating. But whatever. Someone somewhere can use that stupud shit that I no longer want and that's better than it ending up in a landfill.

And we went to the glass shop. It's been years since I've been there last and I found it bery curious that I was just as elated to be there as I am when I'm in the craft store. Especially because my smoking is at an all time low currently. I got a new slider for my baby bong after my asshole of an ex broke pretty much all my glass. Mostly I was there for the cbd products. Fi got a vape that is super obnoxious and I honestly don't know how effective it will be. But I made sure I got the cheapest version of everything to try it out so if I don't like it it should still be alright. Mostly what I was pumped for was their prerolled cbd joints and their cbd flower. In all reality that's all I should have spent my money on but hey, early birthday present to myself.

The other interesting thing was how I reacted to having R with me at the glass shop. Being able to point out cool peices and talk about it and giggle with him. It's just a part of me that doesn't typically surface while he's around but it did and pretty strongly. Which could be a point of severe anxiety for me but instead was... it just felt right. It just felt like we were puzzle peices. Like I don't have to try to filter or water down any of the parts of me to make it more easily digestable for him. Trust building, confidence building, just the universe reminding me that he's the one for me forever.

Anyhow.

So we came home and we sparked the cbd j. And that was about one of the best experiences ever, being able to smoke with him, both of us getting buzzed together. And then having hot and passionate sex after. 3rd new thing: smoking a joint together.

After that was cleaning and running to walmart and making dinner. Everything was good. We snuggled at the end of the night and I fought to keep my eyes open and just soak up as much time as I could with him. But sleep carried me away as it always does, right into Monday morning where we had to say goodbye.

[grimelords]

Hello I’ve finished my February playlist for you. There’s no timeline on these things anymore they just come out whenever they come out it seems. A good mix, and I’m sure there’ll be at least one thing in here you’ve never heard before that you’ll like. 

Doncamatic (feat. Daley) - Gorillaz: This song is extremely traumatic for me because they released it after Plastic Beach as a standalone single and Damon Albarn said they had a whole other album worth of songs from the Plastic Beach sessions that they were thinking about releasing with Doncamatic as the lead single that just never materialised, and the idea of Plastic Beach 2 sitting on a hard drive while we get The Now Now (The Fall 2) instead is maddening.

Portait Of A Man (live) - Marlon Williams: I feel like I've used The Secret to bring this album into existence. It's exactly what I wanted from him - no studio artifice or weird genre pigeonholing and his huge voice on full display. It's incredible and long as hell and this is definitely the highlight.

Houdini Crush - Buke & Gase: I'm in love with the structure of this song. It takes SO long to get back to the chorus. It takes about three different sections in the middle and then finally gets back there and it's so satisfying because of it. You could edit this song into a tight indie pop piece but instead it has the space to go wild and jam and it's great.

AE_LIVE_KRAKOW_200914 - Autechre: Sorry but Autechre finally put all their live albums on spotify and they're very VERY good. Not the sort of thing that you want to listen to as part of a playlist exactly cause they go for an hour each but a very nice reminder nonetheless.

Sheet Metal Girl - Pig Destroyer: I think Pig Destroyer is one of the best band names I've ever heard. I found out later they meant pigs like cops which is still good but the idea of absolutely eviscerating a hog for no reason is very palpably metal. Just looked up the lyrics and this song seems to literally about having sex with a girl made out of sheet metal. Good!

Horizon - Aldous Harding: I absolutely love this song and the way she says 'babe' lights my brain up like a christmas tree. Every now and then I think about when you’ll die baaaaabe.

Born Slippy (Nux) - Underworld: There's a good bit on the Genius page for this song that says "Lots of 1990s acts helped popularize techno, but in Karl Hyde, Underworld had something that was the exclusive province of rock bands: a totally full-of-it frontman who sounded cool." and it's interesting that Underworld and The Prodigy are the biggest names to survive that time and still be at least slightly relevant now. No matter how much you put into your instrumentals nothing can really compare to just having an insane guy yell a bunch of garbage over it.

A Change Is Going To Come - Baby Huey & The Baby Sitters: This is like all good all normal and then he does that huge squeal at 2 minutes in and you're rocked to your core and then it only gets bigger and bigger and better from there. Also maybe one of the best mid song monologues I've ever heard.

No Signal (feat. Roy Woods) - 24hrs: The whole thing of emo rap mirroring mid 2000s emo is still so strange because it's not just the mindset and content being repurposed it's the literal melodic conventions. Change the instrumentation of this song and it's melodically just an emo song. Very strange, but this song is great regardless.

De Aqui No Sales - Cap.4: Disputa - Rosalia: Rosalia rocks and I only just found out El Guincho co-produced this album which is very exciting to me. I love the way this song feels like it never really gets to the big build up it's promising. It has a big intro for about half the song and then when it feels like it's about to blow up when the handclaps come in it just sits in that groove for a while and ends. I also feel like I should mention the video for this song because it's like the platonic ideal of a music video. It's got everything you could ask for. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AvGt2BcDl_g

Glass Jar - Gang Gang Dance: Here's how good brains are: I had a sudden urge to listen to this album the other day but couldn't remember what it was called or who it was by, only the album cover, but for some reason locked away in my brain was the fact that it was from 2011 so I just looked through Pitchfork's Best Of 2011 list until I recognised it. Incredible. Anyway I'm so glad I did because I ended up having a huge phase with this album. They walk the fine line of psychedelic jammy bands like this of taking up a lot of space with atmospherics but it never feeling like it's lost momentum. Even when this song takes fully half of its 11 minute runtime to properly get started it never feels like wasted time somehow, it's always moving somewhere.

Heavyweight - Infected Mushroom: It's unbelievable that this song's good because it absolutely shouldn't be. The unholy mix of goa trance and metal usually reserved for Command And Conquer soundtracks is so unbelievably naff that it's come all the way around again and I absolutely love it.

Black Static - Health: I'm still absolutely furious about Pitchfork giving this album a 3 and not particularly for the score but because it's some of the worst Pitchfork Writing I've seen in a quite a while. They tried to cancel them for calling the album Slaves Of Fear I think: "The “we,” it seems, refers to the slaves, the slaves of fear, and if I try any harder to connect the dual sensation of edginess and laziness with slavery, the all-American institution that killed and brutalized millions of people for hundreds of years, I am going to have to take a long walk into the sun." Not sure about that. Anyway this song's great sorry for talking about a review instead of the song!

Burn Bridges - The Grates: Twee pop is an underrated genre and The Grates are an underrated band because they brought so much attitude and power to it it's hardly twee at all. It's huge and it rocks!

Girlfriend (feat. Lil Mama) - Dr. Luke Mix - Avril Lavigne: Sorry for putting Dr Luke on your dash in 2019 but this is mostly for Lil Mama. Removing Avril's verses and replacing them with Lil Mama but keeping the chorus and big guitars makes it sound like a lost Girl Talk song and it's so, so much better than the original. There's also a good bit in this where she really puts a lot of emphasis on saying 'Jennifer Hudson' and the weird harmony vocals in the background mirror it which I like a lot.

Panic Switch - Silversun Pickups: It seems like Silversun Pickups had no lasting impact beyond being one hit wonders for Lazy Eye which is so strange to me because their first two albums were absolutely solid. This is also a good example of totally nonsense lyrics feeling like they have meaning because the melody it so good.

3 - Seekae: It's very strange now to think that Alex Cameron was in Seekae. But that's not important. What is important is how good this song is. In the extremely narrow genre of Mount Kimbie-ites +Dome really stood out to me as album from guys who really got it. It's extremely catchy music but it still sounds like nothing you've ever heard before which when you think about it sounds like it should be impossible.

Shooting Stars - Bag Raiders: Bag Raiders did a little Song Exploder thing for Triple J about this song a little while ago and pointed out something I'd never noticed before which is that this song has the extremely strange structure of 1 really long verse, breakdown, 1 really long chorus, end. Which is.... completely amazing. And also that this song blew up and charted higher than it ever had before via memes like 6 years after it came out is still bizarre. Remember when it was in the video for Swish Swish by Katy Perry? God I hope they got paid a million dollars for that.

Romantic Rights (Erol Alkan's Love From Below Re-Edit) - Death From Above 1979: Huge fan of this remix that seems to just drop the full song unedited right in the middle. The perfect way to remix an already great song - just make it longer.

Dwa Serduszka - Joanna Kulig: I saw Cold War and subsequently couldn't get this song out of my head. I loved that movie so much but I also extremely agreed when @cyborgbree said the ending was like a Simpsons parody or foreign movies.

Holes - Mercury Rev: This song gives me depression and makes me feel like I'm sorting through old records and merch from my old band that tried really hard but never got anywhere even though I've never even been in a band. That's the power of music!

It's Never Over (Hey Orpheus) - Arcade Fire: Reflektor is a great and underrated album and to this day I am still finding new things to love about it! Namely this song which I've never paid much attention to before but massively jumped out at me last time I listened. It's a 3 note riff but it's absolutely amazing.

Dance Your Life Away - Audiobooks: Huge fan of having the gall to name your band Audiobooks and a huge fan of this song! It sounds like if Life Without Buildings was a dance band, which is a theoretically perfect idea. It sounds like she's just making the words up on the spot and she probably is and it's absolutely great.

Everything (Deathless) - JW Ridley: I'm so glad that War On Drugs brought heartland rock back for the masses and finally gave us back extended guitar solos outside of a metal or prog context. It is so inspiring what you can do with two chords and a propulsive groove.

Unmarked Helicopters - Soul Coughing: Sorry for continually putting Soul Coughing in these playlists but check out how good this song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack was. 'check out this Soul Coughing song they did for the X Files movie soundtrack' is a very specific kind of 90s sentence. Anyway the 'black black black black and blacker' part with the distortion on the vocals is so good, love it lots.

Don't Sit Down Cause I've Moved Your Chair - Arctic Monkeys: I saw Arctic Monkeys a couple of weeks ago and it was amazing but also extra good because they played this song that I'd completely forgotten about and it went off. The Josh Homme produced Arctic Monkeys albums are very good because his fingerprints are all over them and they sound like Queens Of The Stone Age covers.

What Can I Do If The Fire Goes Out? - Gang Of Youths: It's fucked up how good this song is. I listened to it the other day and was like 'what the fuck how come I never listened to Gang Of Youths second album that much? But then I kept going and realised it was 70 minutes long and had about five interlude tracks on it. I love Gang Of Youths but they need a producer that will yell at them until they make a 40 minute album. Fuck this song's good though. So good I'm mad I haven't seen it live yet.

Shark Smile - Big Thief: I don't even know the words to this song or what it's about but it makes me cry anyway. I'm very glad I found out about Big Thief this month, like two years after everyone else. Their description on Bandcamp says "Listening to Big Thief is like the feeling of looking at a dog and suddenly marvelling that it is like you but very not like you; when you are accustomed to looking at a dog and thinking 'dog', watching Big Thief is like forgetting the word 'dog' and looking at that naked animal and getting much closer to it and how different it is to you" which is a certainly a way to feel.

Inhaler - Foals: I don't know how I've avoided it but I've never really gotten much into Foals even though they have multiple songs that I really really love, this one being one of them. I think it's an amazing piece of recording simply for how huge it gets. This song swells to about ten times its original size as the chorus hits before totally deflating again. Also a huge fan of anyone that can make a Battles riff work in a conventional song like this does.

Red Bull & Hennessy - Jenny Lewis: Another fantastic song in the long pantheon of great songs about getting twisted and being horny. The isolated 'ohh' after 'all we've been through' feels like a real Shania Twain piece of production and I love it. Also the drums on this song are absolutely massive for some reason which is very cool.​

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