#i should have written an actual fic for this day instead of some silly post

[corviiids]

THANKS @kimdokjafan you are so kind and generous. ok im cashing in the first of three blank checks to talk about faith trust and pixie dust (most recent chatfic) because the last two directors commentaries were too serious so let's do a silly one.

some p5r spoilers, and this is mostly about sumire, and it's long again. do i need to keep disclaiming that these are long? you should know me by now.

i had this written for a while before i started formatting it because i wasn't really sure if i should post it? i feel like silly chatfic is something people go to for predominantly lighthearted nonsense so i was like, maybe there's too much plot and dramatic misunderstanding and i should just keep this one for myself. but then i was like well nothing matters and maybe someone will have fun with it. it's kind of terrible how much fully or mostly completed fic there is my docs that just doesn't see the light of day lol. write for yourself etc but i like sharing! too bad it comes with the mortifying ordeal etc. anyway that was a tangent

potato counter is a neopets game. there's no deep lore i just like neopets. i guess in this universe ryuji doesn't play neopets? or maybe he's just never played potato counter specifically. i also have a different fic where ryuji DOES play neopets. it's about neopets and ryuji and goro talking on neopets.

i think this might literally be the first time ive written sumi in a fic because i haven't actually written that much fic for royal, like, now that im looking, literally almost none? and none that had a group dynamic. so it was kind of fun to find her voice for the first time in a silly groupchat like this. i was worried people would find her exclamation marks annoying but i personally thought it was endearing so i added it in there.

every time i do a gag where a character corrects their own typo i have to code more stupid little bubbles to make it happen but i think it's worth it. all the effort that goes into making tgis look as much like a real chat as possible

this obviously doesnt take place in the canon p5/r universe, but im imagining sort of a postcanon sumi personality where she's more comfortable being herself and isn't borrowing kasumi's brand of confidence, but she's visibly a really anxious person without that kasumi veneer. i also think in this universe sumire is a fairly recent addition to the friend group, and while everyone likes her a lot and she really likes them, i kind of wanted to emphasise that feeling of being in a friend group where everyone's established and you're sort of a plus-one? you don't really fit yet. part of that is her being new, part of it is her anxiety, part of it is just the kind of person sumi is where she's so polite and self-conscious she ends up taking herself out of things with her own good intentions. stuff like her interrupting the flow of an existing conversation by greeting everyone instead of jumping straight in because she doesn't feel comfortable inserting herself, which means everyone else stops to greet her even though that doesn't normally happen in a friend group, or making a point of thanking everyone for being invited to events while the others take it as a given.

idk i love that she feels a bit out of place with the phantom thieves in p5r. and part of that is a natural consequence of being a new addition in royal who can't be naturally integrated with an existing dynamic but i honestly feel like the writing team realised that and acknowledged it, and really leaned into it, and that made it work incredibly well for me. like, it's part of her character that she's sort of an outsider. it's not like p4g's incredibly clumsy integration of marie and subsequent attempt to shove her down everyone's throat as the canon love interest in p4ga (knife). sumi has that outsider vibe on purpose and it makes me really like her dynamic with the thieves as an individual

goro also feels slightly out of place in these chats, but his conversational style blends more naturally with the other thieves at this point and he even uses their codenames sometimes. i keep saying my chatfic series isn't a real Series because the lore keeps changing, but if we accept that they're all kind of following a General Continuity, assume this takes place some time after the last fic in which ren added goro to the groupchat and they made an effort to integrate him into their friend group. he's kind of there now and has settled into being the weird boyfriend. that's his role.

every time goro says something like "ren and i" assume it's the text equivalent of him talking to the group with his arm around ren's waist.

ok i got really fond of this silly running joke where sumi brings up the weather when she's feeling uncomfortable. she's so polite. i like this thread because setting it up meant i got to tie it off like this:

this just made me happy lol i liked writing this. i tried to use it to demonstrate that despite goro's abrasiveness he obviously knows sumire pretty well, he's attuned to her quirks and knows how to tell when she's having a bad time with her anxiety, so he uses her little weather habit to ground her.

i honestly dont think goro and sumire could be considered close in p5r and as much as i like the "royal trio" in canon they're not really... like... friends? with each other? they're both attached to ren, so it' more a V shape than anything else. but that said, i really LIKE goro and sumi's canon dynamic. he takes a really grouchy but politely attentive supervisory role to her during their few forays into the palace as a trio where he doesn't really know her well but clearly identifies her as a harmless little tryhard who needs some guidance and steps into that role grudgingly, and she immediately looks up to him despite being very wrong footed by his ruthlessness, which i find incredibly charming. i think given time they could be good friends, they just didn't get much chance to know each other very well in canon. so i tried to kinda do that here.

once goro stops being evil and joins the group they all kind of tiredly accept that his role is to occasionally push a cup off a bench while smirking and refuse to clean it up. emotionally, i mean.

wait i need to backtrack chronologically to talk about akeshu.

in this scene they're in the same room lol talking and snickering while typing. im trying to get at that vibe of the annoying couple who is flirting with each other, via you. you know? like ostensibly they're talking to you (sumire) but everything they say to you is part of their stupid game. sumi is incidental to goro and ren teasing each other about flirting with someone else, goro is reporting everything ren says because his boyfriend is so eye-rollingly foolish in a cute way. they're very tickled by how amusing and charming they are. gross. disgusting. sumire im so sorry for putting you through this

anyway here are too many of my favourite jokes from the fic

[swaps55]

2022 Writing Wrap Up

Tagged by @commander-krios. Thank you!

I wasn't going to do one of these things because I didn't think I'd accomplished as much as I have in the past couple of years, but I am thankful you tagged me, because when I looked at it, there was a lot to be proud of, and I think it's important when we work so hard to sit back and RECOGNIZE what we've done, instead of just dwelling on what we haven't.

Total Words Published: 122,327. I think. I had to do math, and my math is never trustworthy. I don’t think I forgot anything? I might have. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t get credit for Concerto, because it was more or less a rewrite, but at the same time it was a lot of work so I should get credit, heh.

Additional Words Written: 27,923. This only counts drafts I intend to actually publish some day (namely two entire Fugue chapters, the beginning of a third one, and Cadenza, a fic that will get written eventually). It doesn’t include the scribbles that may or may not turn into something, or the discarded scenes that got rewritten. This number is probably MUCH higher, but I’m not doing that math.

Grand Total of Words: 150,250. I’m very happy with that. It felt like less.

Fandoms: Mass Effect. It is the only fandom I write for. I’m a one trick pony.

Highest Everything (raw kudos, hits, comments): Of fic published this year, Cantata reigns supreme in every category, even though a big hunk of it was earned in 2021. But the comments on the final chapter alone, which is definitely 2022, are mind blowing to me. Nothing I write will ever match the top kudosed stories in the Ao3 mshenko tag, but I’m floored at how much engagement Opus gets. I’ll take that over any metric.   

Highest Kudos to Hits Ratio: I think it’s Hearstoppers Beyond the Veil. Which I find delightful. It’s such a silly, sweet fic.

New Things I Tried: Sam’s POV is off-limits in Opus, but I have some future scenes that I’m going to need in which he’s my only POV option unless I get creative. So I’ve gotten creative, and am doodling some things in 2nd person to see if I can get what I need while still filtering Sam through the eyes of someone else (in this case, a more omniscient narrator Sam is unaware of). I am pleased with the results so far enough to keep working at it.

Fic I Spent The Most Time On: Fugue. Every single chapter of Fugue feels like a dogfight. It’s such a difficult and complex story to navigate on every level. The story as a whole obviously has been the biggest time investment this year, but each individual chapter is like climbing a mountain.

Fic I Spent The Least Time On: Yours, which is a first kiss AU. It’s a fairly simple story, but it fell out of my head and onto the page with very little prompting from me, and I love it to pieces.  

Favorite Thing I Wrote: It’s hard not to say Cantata or Fugue, but of the one-shots, I’ll give it to Space Talk because I got to make a cow-tipping joke and connect it to Arcturus.

Favorite Thing I Read: This is a very non-inclusive list. Sunset and Evening Star by @shadesofmauve, Trikalon by @dandenbo, Far From Comfortable by @screwyouflightlieutenant, Alke by @mallaidhsomo, red sky at morning by @shadoedseptmbr, we’ll dance this fading life away by @tiltingheartand, Eric and Stella's Cabo Adventure, by @writes-in-space, Friend of a Friend by @otemporanerys, in the deep dark by @urrone

Writing Goals for 2023: Finish Fugue (I am so close I can taste it) and (after a decent break), start Mezzo, Opus’ ME2 story.

New Works: Heartstoppers from Beyond the Veil, Space Talk, Concerto, Warm With You, Yours.  

Tagging (no pressure!) @baejax-the-great, @mallaidhsomo, @screwyouflightlieutenant, @shadesofmauve. Hell, if I tagged you anywhere in this post, consider yourself tagged. And anyone who wants to feel proud of what they did this year? Do it and tag me back so I can cheerlead you.

BE PROUD OF YOUR WORK. If you didn't post anything? Be proud of what you wrote for yourself. Didn't write much? Be proud of your daydreams and ideas and OCs that rotate in your head like a rotisserie chicken. It's ALL worth celebrating. Tell me about it and I'll celebrate with you!

[valmorcel]

About my fic: Just Kiss Her.

Want to take Tumblr as the blog thing it is so i´m expanding a little about the huntlow fanfic i wrote a while ago called Just Kiss Her. If you haven't read it feel free to check it out here:

So, I wrote this one before Any Sport in a Sport aired. And it was not about the grimwalker thing at the beginning, it was, ironically, Willow discovering Hunter was the Golden Guard, because I thought Hunter will go like a spy in the emperor's coven. Anyway, that wasn't the principal point; the fic is full of headcanons and the most important is how Willow and Hunter first kiss could go.

The first ever idea was they starting as a date, still not dating, were Hunter would take Willow to a special place in the Boiling Isles, this after The Day of Unity with Belos already defeated.

The scene of the kiss was calmer even if Hunter still fliches away, the situation was quickly resolved by our protagonists, but i didn't like the way i was making the situation too blushy for both of them. Don't get me wrong. I love loser behaviour in Huntlow, still i wasn't fully convinced of the interactions and i was lacking of more canon information to keep writing, also i wanted to add Willow perspective of Hunter and what i was doing was feeling a little forced by my shipping mind, so i abandoned the fic.

Then ASiaS happened, then Labyrinth Runners happened, Then King's Tide and everything else happened. I had a clear idea how Willow and Hunter could function together and i loved it, so i changed a tone of stuff of the original fic keeping three principal ideas:

The pinning.

Break Point.

A confession.

I loved to make them have two different point of view about love and how they worked their feelings for each other in this fic. Mostly of the first chapter of Hunter's perspective is written by the time of the very first draft, so I think you can notice some of their behaviours are out of character, but tbh there's nothing i would change about it. I loved the little rosegold i put in there, I loved how oblivious and silly Hunter was bc i knew that boy would be very happy in the Human Realm (something to mention, i used to have a hc that Hunter would not want to return to the boiling isles for fear, but that's another story). I loved to make them talk, because, they talk a lot in the fic. I think Hunter and Willow talk a lot behind the scenes (lol) The thing with penstagram, the "this is what happens when you get lost for a week". Hunter and Willow talk a lot and/or spent a lot of time together and no one is changing my mind.

Grimwalker narrative between huntlow is very important for me, and i think we should expect a lot with this confrontation in the last episodes of the series. I'm not lying when i say i cried writing Hunter vulnerability in here, and the strong desire of Willow to protect those she loves. I loved to write Willow in this fic because sometimes we only focus in the most obvious signals of crushing (and yes, i include myself since i scream everytime Hunter blushes). Willow subtles signs of love and caring are such a nice concept to explore, and I would never had thought something like that in the first drafts, so i am happy i left those ideas and wrote this instead.

This is probably the work i am more proud of in terms of charaterization, i was so happy with the results that i even did a little piece of art of the Hunter and Amity talk about feeling and love, lmao. I loved the rosegold in the fic too. Amity is a great support character even in fics. Actually, i am so satisfied how all the hesquad interacted in here to help the losers.

The art in question:

If you have already read it, let me know any opinion about it! I'm currently into a Vinira void with toh fanfics, but i promise to post some huntlow scenarios soon <3

PS: forget the typos, idk if i have, but i probably do.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I've written a lot of fics, but I do have a lot of original work too. I decided to share some.

I'm gonna put them up into sections.

First section is called "stuff I wrote when I was younger and gave up on":

I am not gonna include stuff I wrote under the age of 10. I'm gonna include stuff I wrote from age 11-15 and thought "this will be a big hit if I just finish writing it".

There was this one story about an entire class of students getting expelled from their school, so they are sent to this boarding school where ~wacky stuff~ happen. All I remember is that they all slept in the same room and there was these giant bunk beds - like we're talking 10+ beds on top of each other. There were two of these 10+ bed bunk beds and then the remaining kids got to sleep in hammocks tied together in the roof??

This story about a girl who discovers she could visit people in their dreams. So she decides to visit all of her classmates and kiss them in their dreams, just so she could see their reactions at school the next day. I mean, what if everyone in class dreamt about the same person kissing them and then seeing said person? Chaos and confusion ensues.

I kinda predicted covid, except I was a bit off. In like 2013/2014, I wrote a story that said that in 2017, a pandemic would come and take a lot of lives. Two girls pass away in this disease, and then when their mutual best friend grows up, she gets pregnant with twins and names them after her lost friends. But, here is the plot twist: Her children are possessed by the spirits of her best friends. So not only have she named her children after them, it's also them *reborn*... oooooohhhh. Also I had too many jokes about her best friends reacting that they were teenagers now trapped in babies' bodies, instead of like. Moving on with the story-

I had this full world of characters that I thought would eventually be included in some animated show I was so sure I'd make and it would be famous. Anyway, it was about these 12 year old twins that were going through life. They had a neighbour who had a rainbow T-shirt and a guy friend who was all silly but he had a tragic past. There was not much plot tbh, everyone just vibed and I just liked drawing them in different scenarios. They still live in my head. I may or may not have created a blog about them when I was 11 and I posted drawings of them there and I have no idea how to delete that blog so it's still there on the internet somewhere.

I have always been liking stories about large families and I have tried to make countless stories based on large families I’ve had on the Sims. They have never gotten far. I have also tried to create stories based on moviestarplanet films.

Alright, and now we are moving on to ”stories I am trying to write every now and then”.

These include two primary ones. The first one is called ”The Six Spins”. You will def see where I have gotten inspo from.

There is six siblings in a household. Oldest is almost 16 and the youngest is 10 months. Their surname is Spins.

They find out their parents have died in a plane crash, so now they gotta live with one of their relatives.

The relatives try to discuss where to put them, and many want to split them up cause no one can take all six. Until their father’s cousin takes them.

He lives up north at the countryside (in which country they live in, it’s never stated. I gave them pretty western names though, and I am wondering if I should change some to make it more diverse + unclear where they really are from).

They find out they are neighbours with these twins named Matias and Martina. I originally wanted them to be named Marcus and Martina but people would think I’d got that from the norwegian twin duo (Markus and Martinus). And it’s very important the other twin is named Martina.

One of the Spins siblings have this thing for Martina and they have a deep conversation in a tree. I actually wrote this very tree scene for a ”short scene” in my writing class in high school and I got an A for it 😊 Which has been my biggest wish in all my years in school - go get top score for a creative writing assignment.

Something is incredibly weird with the twins’ dad. Like his whole vibe is off.

One day, the twins’ mother is missing. They later find her corpse.

After they did, the father suddenly takes the twins and drives tf away from there. So it’s up to the Spins siblings to go look for them.

Here I am not as sure about all the details. I know all six will sit on a rooftop in a city and they’ll also meet their aunt who is like ”wtf are you doing here does your guardian know you’re on the run” and they are like ”Yeah we left a note”

And here is my other story. Currently unnamed and does not have as much plot yet. But I wanna make a comic or something about it later.

It’s about a girl named Monica who when she was 1 lost her parents in a car crash (don’t ask what it is with me and crashes), so she grows up with her aunt and her cousin.

Her aunt is cold asf and both her and her cousin have trauma from her during their childhood. But at some points, they get along fine with their aunt. It depends on the day, really.

Monica is starting upper secondary/high school. I again do not know in which country this should take place in, and I will base it kinda on my own school system… but she starts 10th grade, that is all you need to know.

She gets a friend who is blonde and that is all I know about her looks and personality rn. One time she follows this friend home and learns she’s an identical triplet, so there is just a bunch of pics of three identical girls everywhere.

She also has two other friends who has this thing going on in the bg kind of. One time they start getting a bit intimate in an empty classroom and Monica walks in and then at the same second walks out again before even reacting. Hard to explain, but kinda like this Violetta scene:

Both her and her cousin are WLW in some way and they kinda bond over it. Her cousin has a bigger plot regarding it, though.

The rest is just random half-done scenes in my head that makes no sense or have no context.

So Yeah! That are some original stuff I have written or am trying to write.

[valeffelees]

For the fanfic writer ask game! ^_^

🎁 🌻 💌

ugh, thank you so much, you're such a top-shelf mutual. 😭💞 my girl went to work a little bit ago and i am so bored without her around, life is a void.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

oh for sure, i'd love to!

i haven't worked on a D:BH fanfic in a couple months 'cause i've been in simon snow purgatory, it is all vampires and wizards and dragon boys in my brain these days, but i do (!!!) plan on finishing my convin Titanic AU, so i'll share a snippet of that (that i hope i haven't already shared with you before lmao), plus, since i mention unrequited love diseases in one of my other answers here, i'm also gonna add a snippet from one of my back-burner simon snow drafts.

both are below the cut (i lied about the cut, Tumblr won't let me add one) (i tried like four times, this app is so rude) at the end! 😄

🌻 How often do you read your own fics?

oh, very often. the thing about me and my fanfics is that, while i don't post things much at all, i am always writing. i have sooo many first drafts lying around that'll probably never be seen by anyone but myself, some of them are even written longhand in physical journals.

for a long time, i've written with myself as my only intended audience. and i mean, most of the time i'm still my only audience, i have a very nervous personality and sharing things makes my brain itch a bit. (but y'kno, i am working on that.) (i've been doing six sentence sundays and wip wednesdays with the simon snow fandom the last two weeks and that's been a delight.) (a terrifying delight, but still a delight.) so yeah, i actually sit around and like… read my own fanfics for fun all the time, over and over again. i'm extremely fond of my own stories.

💌 Is there a favorite trope you like to write?

unrequited love diseases.

and i don't just mean hanahaki disease, although i do love writing hanahaki fanfics, i'm also really fond of star tears disease and forgotten love syndrome (and anything else in that general sphere).

i'm not working on it actively at the moment because i'm focused on a different story right now, but i actually have a draft in my gdocu for a simon snow fanfic about a fatal unrequited love disease i created myself called marigold's heart syndrome. i dunno what it is about love diseases that makes my silly brain light up like a string of fairy lights, but i find them so overwhelmingly tragic.

(if anyone else feels like hanging out, questions are here!)

— CONVIN

Connor doesn’t let himself wonder if his own mother ever looked at him that way. If she ever smiled at him warmly, touched his cheeks like he was precious and irreplaceable, combed the curls back from his forehead while he slept. Things he should remember, but doesn’t. He focuses instead on the slender line of the woman’s brow, the owlish shape of her eyes, the slope of her mouth as she smiles, and drags his charcoal across the page. Trying to capture it. A wet thumb rubs at his chin. Connor cringes away without looking up from his work. “Silas.” “You got that black shit on your face,” Silas says. He leans forward to peer curiously at Connor’s sketchpad. The shadow of his dark curls, identical to Connor’s own in every way but the direction he parts them, falls across the top half of the page. “Dunno why you waste your time with that, Connie. S’not like you make any money from it.” “It’s called a hobby. Some people actually have those. You should...” Connor looks up, “... should... try it.”  His fingers hold weakly to his charcoal. His pulse beats strongly up his throat. All at once, the world becomes soft and muted around him. Distant. Like he’s been plunged underwater. Near the edge of the veranda, drenched by the strawberry sunlight, a man leans over the rails. Weight on his elbows, his forearms extended out and relaxed above the drop down to the lower deck. A cigarette hangs from between his teeth with a thin ribbon of white smoke twirling from the tip. He looks sad, Connor thinks. Lonely, and terribly beautiful. Light-eyed, olive-skinned. Long and lean and frayed at the edges like a sheet of weathered parchment paper. His waistcoat is unbuttoned and hanging open around his hips, while the rest of the first class maunders behind him like an expensive quatrefoil fog. “Connor!” Connor blinks, and the world comes tumbling back into focus. He looks down at his sketchpad, at the single dark, distracted line marring the outline of what should’ve been the little brown-haired girl, then back up at his brother. “What?” Silas cocks an eyebrow at him, knowing and unimpressed. “Don’t even think about it.” “I won’t. I mean, I wasn’t.” Connor sets his charcoal aside, turning to unfurl his pencil case. A soft, battered green cloth one with seven leather loops stitched along the inside, each of them sized to hold a different one of his tools. He pries his old, sticky eraser out of it. “I don’t even know what you’re talking about,” he mutters, then sets to work trying to salvage his sketch.

— SIMON SNOW

September ends. October passes. November begins. A few things happen in between: One, Simon meets Natasha Grimm-Pitch. Or, well—he meets her ghost. And she’s terrifying. Even in death, she is a woman who commands attention and, for all her immovable melancholy, she holds with her an air of intense regency. He could feel her magic in the room with them, and it was white-hot and ancient. Like something from the very core of the Earth. Two, Baz comes back, and Simon promptly forgets why he’d ever given half a shit about the toff prat being gone in the first place. They’ve worked out something of a truce with each other, (it would’ve been nice if Natasha Grimm-Pitch’s visit had only been a courtesy call, but of course things can never be that simple, so now Simon has gone and roped himself into solving her apparent murder,) but suppose that truce must not extend to Baz cutting back on being a right shit about everything because his mood is fouler than ever and, for once, Simon really doesn’t have the energy to deal with their whole bloody song and dance thing they do. Because he’s still sick. Because three, somewhere in the middle of scouring the Catacombs and razing the Wavering Wood and his sworn enemy’s dead mother appearing in his bedroom, Simon started coughing up flower petals. Baz likes to tell Simon he’s an idiot. And sometimes Simon believes him, but most of the time he doesn’t—because he’s not an idiot. (Also because Baz is a fucking twit.) He knows what the petals mean. He’s seen flower spitting disease before.

[thebreakfastgenie]

😅💋🍦🍷, if you haven't answered them already!

Thank you!!! Seriously I know I keep reblogging these but I need the entertainment. I've spent the whole day either napping or having no energy to do anything like I can't even focus on watching anything. I'm not even like for real sick either I mean I don't have a cold or anything but something is fucking wrong with me!! Anyway!

😅 What’s a story or scene you’ve created that you’re a smidge embarrassed exists?

I've been writing fic on and off since I was fourteen, okay? I'm not ashamed of it, but I am embarrassed by it. I've written NCIS (infused with teenage angst), Supernatural, and Hamilton (not embarrassed by that though because the writing was good). I would have said my abandoned destiel high school AU but I reread it recently and you know... it's not bad, all things considered. There are things I've started writing and never posted that are more embarrassing than anything I've posted. I did write an NCIS fic back in the day where Gibbs's canon love interest for a while, Hollis, straight up tells Jenny they should be together instead and Jenny is all no, it won't work.... that's embarrassing. It's only on fanfiction.net, though. Everything I'm embarrassed about on my AO3 I have the attitude of, well, I know better now.

I'm not embarrassed they exist but I am embarrassed by how rushed Wonderful and Six More Weeks are because I wanted to finish both by midnight on those days and I had, like, work. I don't edit fics once they're posted besides fixing typos, but if they continue to bother me I might do some minimal edits.

💋 First kiss fics. Love em or hate em?

Neither? I don't write a lot of them, because with MASH I'm happy being a gen writer right now, and in my other fandoms, I've mostly ended up with ships that already have a first kiss. Josh/Donna, for example. My original ship, jibbs, were exes, so any kiss I wrote wasn't technically their first. I did write a Kirk/Spock first kiss once, to slot into the Starfleet Academy Shatnerverse book (I never posted it). When I was writing destiel, I don't think I ever actually wrote a first kiss, but I was into the idea.

If I do jump into writing shippy MASH fic I'm almost certainly going to start with hawnk, which also already has a canon kiss, though perhaps it's not their first...

🍦 What’s the sweetest fic you’ve created so far?

Uh...sweet... have I written anything sweet? It's probably 'Til Death (Un)does Us Part, a silly fic I wrote about Kirk and Spock trying to get remarried after Spock came back from the dead.

I do have a note that says "write a fic where Hawkeye and Radar eat waffles and nothing bad happens" so someday maybe it'll be that.

🍷 Do you drink and write?

I try to because I always think it will loosen me up and help with my perfectionism, but I always get too sleepy before I get anywhere.

[toastytoaster22]

😅, 💖, 🙋‍♀️

Hi Abysslll!

😅 What’s a story or scene you’ve created that you’re a smidge embarrassed exists?

-I mean. When I was writing Leaps and Bounds I was basically embarrassed for the entire thing existing. But you know what? After a few days of each chapter being up I calmed down and started to be proud of it instead.

Some of my older fics feel a little embarrassing now because I can write so much better now. I'm in the process of rewriting some of my Tsubasa stories to get my brain back in the game after having to take a long break for baby.

💖 What made you start writing?

I think I started writing when I was twelve? Or at least before middle school. I used to write indulgent little kid self-insert fantasies where me and all my friends got superpowers. Running from the government stuff. Wings stories. Everything got written by hand in these tacky little journals my mom would get me for Christmas. I still have them.

I started writing fanfic in high school, took a break in college, and restarted in 2016 when my (then boyfriend) husband and I talked about it and he asked why I stopped. He is 100% the reason I am writing now, so everyone should send him a thank you 😂

🙋‍♀️ Do any irl people know you write fanfic?

Oh good god yes. I said I started writing fic in high school above, and what I meant was, me and five friends all challenged each other to write one Harry Potter fic and post it. Three of my friends wrote silly parodies or something purposefully and hilariously awful. Me and one other friend started writing actual fic and uhhh neither of us stopped for years after that.

Now as an adult she has a hard time keeping up with it bc she has two kids under 2 years old and her hands are full. But @and-devi-remains is another friend from the teen years and I found out years later that she was writing fic too.

she lived with us for a few years and we used to have writing sessions together and edit each other's fic. Having irl friends to write with is super fun and convenient!

[television-bodies]

💖🖊️😈🌝 🧠💻

💖 What do you like most about your own writing?

oh wow what a one to start off with…. i write in a style that reads easily to me, so even when i look back at my ‘older’ fics on my ao3 (that sounds kinda ridiculous seeing as my account is relatively new) i still think they read alright, even if i wouldn’t necessarily write those plots now.

🖊 Post a snippet from a current WIP.

i am enjoying my silly bahorel/feuilly fake dating/gay chicken wip at the moment and hope to actually get somewhere close to posting it in the near (?) future so have some of that!

He tips his voice low and smooth. “Hey, Feuilly.” Feuilly raises his eyebrows and swallows, lowering his bottle from his mouth. “This sounds dangerous.” “You know what we should do? We should one-up them.” “What?” “You, me.” Bahorel points at each of them in turn, just to be super clear. “Pretend to date. Act like we figured it out first.” Feuilly looks at him for a second, then laughs in disbelief. “Figured what out, asshole? There’s nothing here.” Bahorel rolls his eyes. “I know that, and you know that, but they don’t have to know that. People change, y’know. We’re already together all the time. Maybe you finally came to your senses and realised how goddamn sexy I am. It’s plausible.” “It’s ridiculous.” “It’s fantastic.” Bahorel punches him in the arm. “C’mon, man. It’ll be fun.”

😈 Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

i don’t Know… there are things i’m a little insecure about in my writing but i honestly don’t want to bring attention to them in case someone sees this, then starts noticing my insecurities in my writing and then it starts pissing them off 😭 yknow

🌝 Who is one character you haven’t yet written for that you would like to?

wildly, i do not think i’ve really posted any éponine! i love when she’s in fics as grantaire’s best friend and i have done this in drafts that have never been posted, but i hope to do it in something that actually sees the light of day soon. my exr 90s music au, perhaps, in which they are genuine platonic soulmates

🧠 What’s an idea you have that you can’t quite call a WIP yet?

the farcical triumvirate meeting au i have in which courfeyrac and enjolras try to kidnap some corrupt politician or something but accidentally get combeferre instead <3 feel like i may need to brainstorm it with someone to get it going

💻 Do you do research for your fics? What’s the deepest dive you’ve done?

i do! in terms of published fics i think i went on a bit of a dive to do with gunshot wounds for until the end of everything, but ended up scrapping the advice i read about them because i was writing someone dealing with it kind of badly…. in terms of wips though, broken record (exr 90s au) has involved many research dives already and i’ve barely started writing it. i’ve been on the eastenders wiki page more than you can imagine. i’ve raided my dad’s CD cupboard for 90s albums that maybe haven’t stood the test of time so that i can put them in as new releases. i read maybe the whole wikipedia page for the eurostar. that one’s going to take a bit out of me i think

thank you so much for the ask!

ask game

[violettavonviolet]

1 Million Hits

I'm gonna hit a million hits on my ao3 account next week, which is genuinely just crazy and I've been debating what to do for the occasion for like a month now bc I don't want to be self-absorbed but also it's literally a million(!!!) so I feel like I should celebrate anyways. I haven't come up with anything yet, but just know that I'm literally flabbergasted with all the attention... Like, I garnered 500k+ hits in the last year and it's such a huge compliment lmao

I get sappy rlly easily as u might have noticed, but I'm just astounded really. Especially because I didn't even start learning English until fifth grade. (Which was a terribly long time ago, to be fair)

When I return to some of the oldest fics I've written, I tend to cringe and I've been debating either taking them down or editing them, but I don't know if I ever actually will.

The point is, I love fan fiction, I love the community I've found on here over the years and most of all, I love writing.

(Who knows, one day, I might actually publish a book instead of these silly little stories. That day isn't today, but a girl can dream)

-- this is the point to stop if u don't want to read about my history in fandom spaces, which is apparently what this post is turning into--

I started reading fanfics bc of the German equivalent to buzzfeed were u could do quizzes and get tiny xreader fics as a result. I quickly changed over to German fan fiction.de which was my first real love lmao

The stories also got weirdly popular for the fact that I couldn't do punctuation for shit and I didn't reread my stories bc I was too embarrassed.

What luck that I started learning English pretty quickly and I changed to wattpad, until the fateful day in 2018 when I found my way to ao3 (honestly the best accident that has ever happened in my life)

It took me over a year to even make an account but it definitely changed my life for the better. I've met so many amazing people through challenges and general communities on here and especially during covid I don't know what I would've done without ao3.

I think this is just my love letter to fanfiction at this point. Like genuinely, I love everything about fandom spaces and the culture around it and I love that I can write and get feedback and read (for free, which was actually why I changed from physical books to fanfiction in the first place)

It means that for fandom, I'm actually pretty old, and everyday more people join, which is of course amazing, especially because more people are willing to actually talk about it irl (I'm ngl the first few years being publicly in fandoms was a bit rough lol) I mean, I was active in fandom spaces since what, 2014?? A while.

I've grown up with fandoms and now I'm gonna hit a million in the next week, probably on my flight to London and it all just feels surreal in the best way possible.

So thank you, I guess.

Thank you for fan fiction authors and ao3 and all the spaces where people can just enjoy being people.

this got way longer than intended but I just needed to get this off my chest

[heathtrash]

a little one year anniversary

one year ago today i started writing A Clock With No Hands, my first ever published fanfic in the history of my life, which then i managed to publish on the 7th august once ao3 let me in :’) a big ole happy birthday to what has been affectionately renamed “No Hams” by my f,fans :’) (yes, chapter 12 is still in the works and i’m sorry i got super side-tracked and fell into that 80s hicsqueak hole)

i didn’t really expect it to be seen or found or even liked?? i was just in this “heck, i’m feeling reckless and i guess fanfic might be fun?” mood while staying with my friends in northern ireland. i wrote the entire first two chapters on my mOBILE TELEPHONE and managed to work out how to publish it on ao3 while on holiday. the response was astonishing and i pretty quickly got embraced into the fandom after i unearthed this tumblr account from a million years ago. i’m so lucky to have had the warmth and friendship of so many people and i honestly don’t know if i would still be here without you all. your comments and kudos are the only positive thing i really have in my life and that’s not super healthy but it’s genuinely where i’m at,,

so anyway, a couple of weeks ago i noticed that i was pretty near a big milestone with my ao3 account - over the course of almost one year i was 8080 words off publishing 300k. is that a lot? is it worth celebrating or acknowledging? i don’t really know. but since numbers motivate me, apparently, i knew i had to meet this artificial target somehow, and planned to spread it across two short one-shots. i ended up exceeding that target with my latest hackle fic, A Rather Distinguished Guest, to my surprise (and delight, bc i needed a break after somehow producing a historical 1900s fic with a fair amount of research packed into 13k in the space of 6 days). on the last day i wrote 5k. i wasn’t rushing to finish,, i was just too involved in it to stop myself!

so now at present, i have 305203 words published on ao3 (quite a few more in unpublished works (bc they are wips, not bc i am holding them back)). essentially i wrote 833.9 words a day. so i would like to humbly take a moment to cry/reflect about how far i’ve come

while i think i have definitely, through a process of attrition, done Something there, i am also aware that i managed that and come out not being any more confident in my work than the first time i published. in fact, i feel mostly even less confident. putting oneself out there *and* keeping going is hard, especially in a small fandom, but for me it’s been kind of a herculean effort. i have many, many demons in the form of some good old cptsd from what my brain thinks of as catastrophic failure in academia, so the process of writing, and people looking at my writing specifically gives me flashbacks and other unpleasant kinds of feelings i won’t go into. i recently spoke to my phd supervisor (bc guess what, i’m still on that Fun Train) and she said of my fanfiction that i’d “developed a kind of exposure therapy”. it’s definitely not directly comparable to academic writing, but now at least i can look at a blank document of any kind without getting Too Much of a panic attack. but i still have a big problem accepting comments and i have a huge backlog from literally the past six months that i haven’t answered bc sometimes saying “thank you” makes me feel like i’m a terrible and arrogant person, even if it’s really lovely reading the comment and makes me want to hide for a million years and become a blush-monster forever. and there are times when i realise that yep, the next fic/chapter will be the one where you all realise i’ve been fooling you the whole time and i’m really just a rubbish writer who belongs in the bin (that’s why my name is heathtrash) and you are all going to be disappointed in me. i’m just waiting for the next negative comment to confirm what i believe about myself.

not ALL of the 305k-odd words i wrote have been for tww (7618 exactly for other fandoms) and that is definitely something i am a little disappointed about. but look, numbers don’t super matter. in the interest of supporting all writers of all lengths and types of works - however much you have contributed to a fandom, that is amazing! you have produced free content that people can experience together with you, and that in itself is beautiful! milestones aren’t important especially and no one should hold themselves to unrealistic standards to try to meet them (,,, except you know i will)

so uh,, happy 300,000 words/one year of being a fanfic writer to me?

if you have ever written a comment or left kudos, thank you, you are a STAR :’)

if you are one of the people who comments on all of my fics and every chapter, aaaaaaaaaaAAAAA you have done more for me than you could ever know, and i owe you so much :’’)

[lunar-years]

'Tis the Damn Season

Pairings: Jonathan Byers/Nancy Wheeler, Nancy Wheeler & Robin Buckley friendship, just generally super indulgent teen group friendship, very minor & extremely background Robin Buckley/Vicky

Rating: T (for discussions of teenagers having sex [non-explicit]; mild language; minor references to PTSD)

Summary: “You really did sound like a total nut on the phone earlier, Nance; 'Code red, code red.' I thought you’d seen Vecna reincarnated behind your house or something—” 

Worse. "I slept with my ex," Nancy burst out. //

Jonathan and Nancy mutually decide to break up before going off to their separate colleges. It lasts for all of three months.

Written for @jancyweek2022 Day 4: I'll always come back to you or partners in crime

Read below or on Ao3.

A/N: Just a warning because I know some of my fellow jancys are not big Steve and Robin people...this one is heavy on the teen group friendship (especially between Nancy & Robin). It's written in a very author indulgent, idealized way, as I imagine them all becoming closer during and post s5 while defeating Vecna. In my mind, by the time they all go off to college they've fallen into the kind of friendship where they're not ~best friends~ by any means, but they are bonded by this massive thing they all experienced together, and as a result they do like to catch up with each other when they're all back in town.

This is supposed to be a silly fic (sillier than I usually write anyway) and not taken super seriously. I do not think Jonathan and Nancy will actually break up (I hope not!), but if they do, I can't imagine them staying away from one another long. Also, this is sooo not polished and editing might be bleak because I wrote most of it this evening. I still hope you enjoy and happy jancy week!

***

“So what’s up?” Robin asked her over the top of her glass, one hand casually twirling the straw around her Diet Coke with, Nancy thought, not nearly enough urgency for the situation at hand.

The women were sitting on opposite sides of what had become, over the previous summer, their usual table at the Hawkins Diner, a table which actually had seats for six. It was only the two of them at the moment, however, because Nancy had phoned Robin earlier during an episode of near-panic to declare a state of emergency. This, essentially, had meant begging Robin to come to the diner an hour earlier than she’d told everyone else to. 

Now that Nancy had the woman here in front of her though, she realized she was at a total loss for how to begin. For one, they hadn’t seen each other since the summer, and things were more than a little different now than back then, still on edge as they'd all been from the battle, forming their tentative friendships when there were no more monsters to kill. Nancy liked keeping in touch with her friends, and she tried to make an effort, she did, but she’d also been so busy at school lately that they’d barely even spoken over the phone in the months intervening.

Robin seemed far more relaxed now that the fight was behind her. Happier. Probably, before Nancy started dumping out all her own problems, she should at least ask her how she’s been. Exchange pleasantries. She racked her brain for ideas, but it didn’t seem to be functioning all that well at the moment, because she only managed to comes up with: “Um. How’s school treating you?” God, she sounded like her dad. And just when she thought things couldn't get any worse.

Robin’s eyes narrowed critically, like Nancy had asked her to go back into the Upside Down without a flamethrower, alone, instead of tell her about Purdue. “Nanceeee. C’mon, I did not drop everything, cut into the very limited time I have with my girlfriend while we’re both home on one of our very few breaks from school and run over to this greasy, horrible diner just for this completely flat Diet Coke and some boring conversation with my good friend Nancy about...college. You sounded like you were about to pass out earlier—I mean, no offense. So what’s really up?”

Nancy opened her mouth to say something. Immediately closed it again like she was a fish. It was easy, once she'd been away from it for a while, to forget how...much...Robin could be. She gave herself a mental shake. “Um. Right. Sorry.” 

“Okay, you are being so weird right now,” Robin declared, taking another long sip of her drink and narrowing her eyes still further. There was actual concern on her face, now, which did feel like progression. “You really did sound like a total nut on the phone earlier, Nance. 'Code red, code red.' I thought you’d seen Vecna reincarnated behind your house or something—” 

Worse. “I slept with my ex.” Nancy burst out, refusing to look up from her cup of coffee. Saying it out loud, she almost wished she had seen Vecna. Believe it or not, she was pretty sure she'd have been better prepared for that than she'd been for seeing Jonathan. Robin set down her glass.

“Jesus, Nancy…you haven’t even been home forty-eight hours!” 

“Trust me, I know,” Nancy said miserably, not elaborating. She'd drove into Hawkins from Boston just yesterday morning. By yesterday evening, he was in her bed. Clearly, it hadn't taken much. 

“So, wait. Hold on. Which ex are we talking about here?” 

“What do you mean which one? Which one do you think?” Her voice had gone high-pitched, most definitely frantic. Nancy was still very much in the processing stage of this whole experience. She finally looked up to see Robin’s face. The other woman was indeed frowning, but she looked more exasperated than actually disappointed with her, which Nancy took as a good sign. She'd kind of been expecting...well, judgement.

“Oh, thank god. Because if Steve hadn’t immediately called me to tell me he'd made that mistake again, I’d’ve—”

“Robin,” Nancy all but hissed, whipping her head around the diner to make sure there was no one else listening. She so did not want any of this getting back to her mother.  “Can we please focus?”

“Right sorry, sorry. But really Nancy?" she repeated, "Also, didn’t you just break up with Jonathan like, three months ago?” 

“It was mutual,” Nancy replied sharply. “We broke up with each other.” 

Robin shook her head. “Yeah, and I still don’t get that, by the way. I mean, by the way you were all over each other last July...like, there's a literal, honest-to-god monster-demon-man on his way to kill us all and you two are making out in the corner—” 

“Okay, that's not fair,” Nancy bristled, crossing her arms. “You were every bit as bad. Or did you not 'pop off to the cabin to get more weapons’ just so you could make out with Vicky in the car.” 

“Yes,” she said smugly, taking this in stride, “but I didn’t break up with her a month later for no apparent reason!" 

“We had reasons! Jonathan told me about NYU, and then he got in—which wasn’t surprising, by the way, Jonathan’s photos are really amazing—but then next thing we knew, he was going to New York, and I was off to Boston—” 

“Stupid reason, New York and Boston are only four hours away.” 

“--and we weren’t very good at long distance the first time.” Nancy argued, determined to make Robin see what she had, that day in August with Jonathan in her driveway. The breakup had been logical, even necessary. They simply agreed they couldn’t do long distance again.

(Nancy hadn't been good with long distance, true. But she'd failed to consider that she'd never been very good without him entirely, either.) She quickly brushed that thought aside.

“You’re not convincing me,” Robin said bluntly. She waved their waitress over and ordered a plate of cheese fries. After the woman bustled back over to the kitchen, Nancy glanced at the old clock hanging behind the lunch counter. The others usually showed up early (if Jonathan was still planning to show up at all), which meant someone would be here soon. 

“We agreed,” Nancy repeated, even though she was beginning to lose steam. “We agreed it would be for the best to go our separate ways, experience new people….” Her voice sounded so unsure that it wasn't even doing much in way of convincing herself they’d made the right choice. Jonathan’s mouth on her last night, anyway, had certainly said otherwise. She flushed at the recollection, once again refusing to meet Robin’s eyes. 

Still, Robin pushed on. “And, have you?"

“Have I what?” 

“You know,” Robin waved her hands around nonsensically, "experienced new people?" Not for the first time today, Nancy felt that familiar mix of fondness and exasperation she'd felt many times before around Robin.  

She'd been at school for just over three months now. In that time, though she didn’t want to admit it to Robin, she'd actually experienced very little beyond the inside of Emerson College’s library. Sure, she had her few, steady friends—her roommate Gale, their friend Peggy down the hall—but mostly they studied together or watched movies. Every now and then, they found some house party to disappear to on the weekends for purposes of free alcohol, but they’d always left together and come home together, even on the night Peggy spent two beers insisting to her that the frat boy across the room had eyes for Nancy, and Gale all but dared her to go talk to him. 

She hadn’t. She had taken one look at the boy—tall, with dark, curly hair, and a wide, cheesy smile—and dismissed him. He wasn’t Jonathan. 

“No,” she answered truthfully, “I haven’t.”

The transition, if she was forced to admit it under extreme duress, had been far harder than she'd anticipated. Nancy had spent all summer in Hawkins shooting her guns, planning and organizing and executing her careful, calculated plan to kill Vecna with Jonathan and Robin and the others, only to leave in August for the world of the shockingly mundane. She liked her classes. She liked her friends. Her parents kept saying how proud they were of her. On the surface, she was still the golden one.

Underneath, though, it often felt like she was drowning. Her new friends were great, yes, but they didn’t know about anything she’d been through, how could they? Gale and Peggy joked about high school in ways that made Nancy equal parts envious and annoyed. The two of them lived life so easily. They had no idea how much it had tormented Nancy to leave her guns behind in Hawkins, the fear that gripped her night after night that she would have no way to protect herself, the next time. 'The next time' still felt inevitable, somehow. How could it not? Fighting the supernatural had occupied every ounce of her being for years. In recent weeks, even journalism, which was usually her safe haven, had lost its flair.

Nancy never, in a million years, thought she’d miss Hawkins, Indiana. But Nancy did miss home. 

Him.

At school, she still called him on the nights she woke up from nightmares. Jonathan had insisted she could, before they had departed for the last time in her parent's driveway, and Nancy was beyond grateful for that. Sometimes she called him when she didn’t even have a nightmare, just to talk about stupid things like an article she was writing for class or a song she had heard that made her think of him. 

Robin waved a hand in front of her, snapping Nancy's eyes back to her, "Um, earth to Nancy?” 

Nancy tried to regain her own focus. "Sorry."

"Man, you really do have it bad."

“I need your advice," Nancy admitted, tentative. She wasn't really sure her and Robin were quite at this point of their friendship yet. On the one hand, they knew everything about the other, like the song that could save them from a soulless, demonic creature and what they'd bring to a monster fight, and the sort of things you could only whisper about on nights when you thought you were about to die. On the other hand, telling her about Jonathan, about this fragile thing happening between them that she wanted to protect but was already afraid she'd ruined, almost felt too personal.

Robin remained silent, but she must have seen something in Nancy's face, because she eventually said, "Sorry, sorry, I'm thinking." She frowned, "It's just, considering I’ve only been in one real relationship—and besides having to pretend we are just two, completely platonic girlfriends every time we go out in public together, instead of you know, actual girlfriends, and only being able to make-out on Wednesday nights at her house between 8:00 and 10:00 p.m. while her parents are at bowling club—we are very happy together, I do not think I am the best person to be giving post-breakup, slept-with-my-ex relationship advice.”

“Sure, but you still have an opinion,” Nancy said, a little desperately. "Please, you've got to have something." Truthfully, she wanted Robin to tell her what to do here. She wanted someone else to have all the answers so that for once she could stop the myriad of thoughts ping-ponging around in her head at all hours. Her mind hadn’t stopped spinning since Jonathan rolled out of her bed early that morning and disappeared out her childhood bedroom window, the same thing he used to do when they were together for real. 

Robin bit her lip. “Okay, I guess…I need more information. Tell me about the sex. Ew, wait, I don’t mean that. Not like…details. Just, do you think it was a usual, post-breakup sex thing? Just to get it out of your system, or…was it more than that?” 

“I'm still in love him,” Nancy stated plainly, without even needing to think it through. It was so obvious. Didn't Robin see that was the whole problem?

The woman threw her hands into the air, and beneath the table, even stomped her foot for good measure. “Well there’s your answer! For someone so totally genius 90% of the time, you can be so goddamn clueless, Nancy. Why do you even need my advice if you already know you love him. Can’t you just, I dunno, get back together?" She grinned. "What do you do, sit at your dorm every Friday night alone, dreaming about him?”

“It’s not that simple!” 

Robin stared back at her blankly. “I will never understand you two.” The waitress returned then with the fry plate, which Robin immediately doused in ketchup. She offered it up to Nancy, who shook her head. “More for me, then.” 

They said nothing for a minute, Nancy watching as Robin ate her fries. Then, maybe because Nancy was still so totally out of it or maybe because he really was stealthy like a ninja after all, Steve materialized out of seemingly nowhere and plopped into the seat beside Robin. He grabbed the entire, disgustingly ketchup-covered plate of fries out of his best friend’s hands and nodded at Nancy by way of greeting. 

“Yeah, you’re moving when Vicky gets here,” said Robin. 

Steve rolled his eyes. “God, Rob, you’re such a drama queen. I’ll be more than happy to move once Her Highness arrives.” He turned to Nancy, “You should hear the way this one talks about her. Vicky is so cool, Vicky is so smart, Vicky’s the best kisser—”

Robin slapped him on the shoulder. 

“Hey! I’m saying that with love." He grinned. "It’s honestly adorable.” 

“Okay, we’re so not talking about my love life right now. Actually, we’re talking about Nancy’s.” Nancy shot her a look—warningly, threateningly—a look which she was sure could kill, but Robin, naturally, ignored it, plunging onward, “She slept with Jonathan.” 

“Shit, really?” Steve dropped the fry in his hand. Robin had already stolen the plate back from him, so it landed right on the tabletop, dripping ketchup onto the laminate. He did not try to mop it away, too busy looking over at her, gaping. 

Nancy frowned at him. Steve had fallen in love with her and then subsequently gotten over her about three different times at this point, and it was starting to get irritating. If he was really upset by her sleeping with someone else, now of all times, when they were finally in a good place, all genuinely friends, she—

But then Steve turned back to Robin and said dejectedly, “I owe Dustin five dollars. Shit.”

It was Nancy's turn to gape. “You’re serious? You actually made bets about Jonathan and I? With the kids?”

"I lost bets," Steve corrected. "Also, and I know you’ve been gone and all, Nancy, but it hasn’t been that long, they’re not actually kids anymore. They weren't when you left. Hey!” he says brightly, clearly pleased with himself, “I bet they’re the same age now that you were the first time you and Jonathan—” 

“Stop talking,” Robin groaned. Nancy could only shake her head at him in disgust. Okay, so maybe she hadn’t missed her Hawkins friends after all.

“Sorry, sorry! It had to be said. Anyway, how’d it happen, Wheeler? Haven’t you been home for like, an hour?” 

“Since yesterday." Robin had already spilled out the whole secret, so she might as well tell Steve everything, too. “I got home, and I was having an excruciating dinner with my parents—” 

“Yeah, I don’t miss those,” Steve announced. "Your dad is worse than mine." Robin slapped his arm again. 

“Shut up dingus, I want to hear the whole thing before Jonathan shows up."

Nancy took a careful sip of her coffee, which had mostly gone cold, and looked between them, crestfallen. “Well, that’s just it, isn’t it? I’m not sure he’s even going to come, after...well.” 

She’d pulled into her driveway, unloaded her bags and hauled them inside, with no help from Mike even though he was standing right there. Then Nancy had dutifully sat down at the dinner table with her family, answering her mother’s incessant questions about school as her dad nodded along from the head of the table. At the first opportunity, she escaped upstairs to her old room, which looked just the same as when she’d left it three months ago, despite her father’s many threats over the phone to turn it into a home office. 

She’d kept herself busy at first, unpacking, turning on the radio, answering a call from Robin to arrange a reunion dinner at the diner with the rest of the gang. But once she stopped moving, she’d almost immediately wanted to cry.

Her childhood room, with the ballerina music box from her grandmother still on the shelf, and the photo strip with Barb above her desk, and her poster from Jonathan on the wall, felt unbearable. Stifling.

She’d dialed his number without thinking it through.

“But I was just planning to talk,” she insisted. Robin and Steve exchanged a look. 

They had talked, for well over an hour. He had gotten in two days before, because most of his midterms weren’t tests, but photo collections, which meant he got to leave a few days earlier than most everyone else. He'd spent his day decorating gingerbread cookies with Will and El, who of course had been thrilled to see him. He sounded so happy, and it had made something in Nancy’s chest coil with a deep, persistent ache. 

When he asked her if she wanted to go for a drive, who was she to say no? 

That’s how they’d ended up at their old spot, parked out by lover’s lake, passing a bottle of wine back and forth between them. They used to go there all the time, the summer they worked at the newspaper. It was a great place for stargazing, and for passing secrets, and for other things, too.

It had started out innocently enough. One minute they were laughing, the first really good laugh she’d had in months, the kind where you couldn’t just stop, even after it had become difficult to breathe. The next, his face was right in front of hers, so close she could see the small indentation on his nose and the wisps of hair on his cheeks. So close she could feel his breath. “You need to shave,” she’d whispered, eyes never leaving his. 

Then they were kissing, as simple and familiar a motion as brushing her hair or writing her name. His lips felt just like she remembered, and she tasted him hungrily, starving for it, their tongues fighting for dominance, fighting to hold on to a little more of the other. God, she had missed him, missed him so much, beyond words, beyond meaning.

 On the hood of his car, his fingers found hers and held fast. 

“And then, I don't know it just...happened,” Nancy finished weakly. 

Robin and Steve stared at her until she was starting to feel actually self-conscious. Then Steve cut in, “Wait, wait. You did it in his car? God, you really are in love with him. I’m way too old for that shit.” 

“You know, I think it’s romantic,” Vicky said, her own hand meeting Robin’s over those damned fries. She’d arrived somewhere halfway through the story, and sure enough, Robin had immediately made Steve scoot. "You guys are apart for months, only to not be able to resist each other the first time you're together again. It's like...soulmates."

Robin held up a hand. “So what’s the deal then, Nance? Because, honestly, this hardly sounds like a code red, code red. Vicky's right, it sounds like you were both all over each other. You had your tongue down his throat, he had his down yours…why wouldn't he show up today?” 

“Because I kicked him out,” Nancy said miserably. She wished the waitress would come back. Her coffee mug had been empty for twenty minutes, and her throat felt terribly dry.

“Okay, I’m officially confused.” Steve.

“I don’t know what happened,” Nancy admitted. “Well, I obviously know what happened, but...well, after, I invited him over. We went back to mine, and it was brilliant and then…I guess I just freaked.” 

She’d pulled away from him for air, still straddling his legs, and suddenly been consumed by an unquenchable, overwhelming panic. She'd spoken without thinking, "What are we doing?"

Then, "We…we shouldn’t be doing this."

Then, "I'm sorry. You should go."

Jonathan had looked suitably startled, but he'd left without putting up any kind of fight. And when he'd jumped down from her window, he hadn't looked back

Nancy put her heads in her hands, elbows on the sticky, ketchup-gooped tabletop and all. “I didn’t mean it!” she said desolately. Someone, probably Vicky, reached over to pat her on the shoulder.

“You should just talk to him Nancy, I’m sure he’ll understand,” said Robin. "C'mon, this is Jonathan we're talking about."

"Yeah. Jonathan will hear you out."

They didn’t have a chance to say more, though, because then Jonathan himself showed up, wearing a flannel and jeans and looking like he hadn't slept a wink since he'd snuck out of her window. Nancy’s shoulders slumped with relief. 

“Hey,” he said awkwardly, waving at the group. He took the seat next to Nancy, probably because leaving am empty chair unexplainably in between them would be even more uncomfortable than sitting next to his ex the day after post-breakup sex. Nancy plastered on her best smile and hoped it didn’t look noticeably strained. “Sorry I’m late.” 

“No problem,” Robin said brightly, beaming at him in a way that was completely , obviously exaggerated. “We had a lot to catch up on with Nance!” Inside, Nancy groaned. This meal was already shaping up to be more excruciating than the one with her parents last night, and that said something. 

Vicky, bless her, cleared her throat. “Um, now that we’re all here, should we order?” 

They made it through their dinner and an additional plate of cheese fries before things started to get really awkward. Steve kept looking from Jonathan to Nancy and back again, very unsubtly, and every one of Robin’s forced, small talk questions sounded like she was rehearsing them off of a bad script. Robin was not a good actor.

Finally, Jonathan set down his fork and said, “So all of you know then?” 

The three musketeers on the opposite side of the table immediately started insisting otherwise—loudly and very poorly. Nancy did appreciate their efforts, truly, but she wasn't worth it. “Yes,” she said, turning to Jonathan, “I told them. I’m sorry, I had to tell someone—” 

They looked at each other for a long, unbreakable moment.

“Can we, um, can we talk?” This time, it was clear he was saying it just to her. 

Outside, in the chilled snowy air of downtown Hawkins in mid-December, all of the buildings in town had already turned their Christmas lights on. The effect was a rainbow array of colors, reflecting off the white snow collecting on the ground. A perfect, crisp winter evening. Nancy pulled on the sleeves of her coat and looked at her ex-boyfriend, really looked at him.

Even after all this time knowing him, Jonathan could still be hard to read sometimes. She was afraid he'd be mad at her for spilling the beans to the others, or worse, for how she'd treated him the night before, like he was just a good time, a passing phase. Like she didn’t still look at him and think about forever. 

He had his arms tight against his sides tonight, almost rigid. But he didn't look angry. If Nancy had to guess, she’d say he was determined. 

At the same time, they opened their mouths and echoed, “I’m sorry.” 

Nancy laughed. “You’re sorry? For what?” 

Jonathan instantly looked more relaxed now that he’d said it. One of his hands reached up to scratch the back of his neck, a familiar nervous habit. He continued to stare at her in that soft, penetrating way of his. Like he could see into all of her secrets. “Last night. I need you to know that I didn’t invite you out just so we could…” 

“Me neither,” Nancy hastened to say. “And I shouldn’t have made you leave like that, so...sudden. I was having a really great time. The best, actually. I guess I just….” 

“Panicked?” She nodded. “Yeah, me too.” He paused, reaching out a hand. An invitation. Nancy took it.

They hadn’t moved far away from the diner, and she had to believe the others were watching them through the windows, but she didn’t care one lick. Jonathan wasn't wearing gloves, but his skin still felt warm. “Nancy, I know we said breaking up was for the best, and I really tried to believe it, at the time, I did. But, last night, I…. I’ve missed you so much.” 

“Me too,” she breathed. This moment felt important, definitive. The same way it felt when she'd stood up to call after him that night in Murray Bauman's spare room, when she'd opened the door to find him waiting for her on the other side, and he'd kissed her for the very first time. “Last night, I panicked because I still love you. I never stopped. Sometimes, I’m afraid of how much I do.”

She was close to tears again, but she didn’t quite know why. “I think that’s why I wanted to break up in the first place,” she continued, eyes wet. “We really were bad at long distance the first time, and I thought…I thought it’d be easier to just let you go. Then I wouldn’t have to worry so much about losing you all the time, because I’d already have lost you so it wouldn't matter.” She pulled her hand away from his to angrily swipe away her tears. She was too determined to say this and didn't want to say it through tears. “I know it sounds so stupid, and I was wrong to do that to you, and—”

“It doesn’t sound stupid.” Jonathan took back her hand. “Nancy, I still love you too. I never stopped.”  

Then, for the second time in just as many days, they were crashing against one another, as desperately as if they’d crumble into a million pieces otherwise, like the only thing keeping them afloat was the other’s arms. 

Nancy kissed him and kissed him and didn't want it to ever end, even if that meant standing out in the cold so long it gave them both frostbite. The lights off of the snow flickered. A passing car honked.

Even if she got cold, Jonathan would warm her up soon enough.

This was her home, she realized. Not school, not even Hawkins. Even once he went back to NYU, and her to Emerson—she’d have this to fall back on. She’d have him. Home.

When they finally broke away—minutes or hours later, Nancy can’t be sure—she suddenly remembered where it was they were doing this, and turned back to look at the diner. Sure enough, she could see Robin, Steve and Vicky through the glass, watching them. All three of them were grinning. Robin waved at them. Steve appeared to be wolf-whistling.

Beside her, Jonathan started to laugh. 

It was still the sweetest sound she had ever known. 

[strangeharpy]

My Cass/AuDy Fic Master-Post

I've been thinking about doing this for a while so I can have all my Cass/AuDy fic (up until this point) all in one place. I feel like this is especially relevant since some folks have recently reblogged/liked parts of my Cass/AuDy manifesto.

Without further ado, here are my Cass/AuDy fics and why you should read them!

light up the way - E (but the explicit part can be skipped) - This was my first major Cass/AuDy fic. It's a post-canon quasi-fix-it fic that is somewhat canon-compliant, wherein Apokine threw Cass's consciousness on the mesh before they got incinerated and AuDy collected the pieces to put into a new body. It's very introspective and partly a character study of Cass. It's also a slow burn and contains canon-typical violence. If you are iffy on the pairing, I recommend reading this fic first because it establishes a lot about why I like the pairing and I've been told that even people who aren't into the pairing found it interesting to read. This fic is complete.

Human Resources Can't Exactly Fix This - E (but the explicit part can be skipped) - In contrast to lutw, Human Resources is a very silly "everyone lives" post-canon fic wherein AuDy insinuates themself as Cass's bodyguard. It's very light-hearted and good if you want to ignore the fates of almost everyone in the finale. I have it marked as "complete" but I do have a couple of ideas of further vignettes in that 'verse that I might add later. There's no real over-arching plot to it, though.

Graveyard Whistling - T - Instead of being post-canon like much of my other Cass/AuDy work, this is nebulously pre-canon and canon-compliant. It's mission fic gone wrong with a heavy helping of hurt/comfort and emotional constipation. I can't write "confession" scenes between these two without them talking around their feelings rather than fully confronting them. I don't know if this fic will sell you on the pairing, but I deeply enjoyed writing it. This fic is complete.

i held your name inside my mouth - T - This is another post-canon "everyone lives" AU with a side of political marriage. After the events of the finale, Cass (as Apokine) is pressured to marry someone for political reasons, and they end up marrying AuDy. There's a lot of pining in this one, and once again I can't write a "confession" scene that involves directly talking about feelings. Overall I'm super proud of this one, even though I'm not sure if it would sell the ship to someone who's on the fence. There is an E-rated coda that can be skipped, too. This fic is complete.

Divine Pygmalion - T - For Secret Samol one year, I ended up trying to write a Hieron AU wherein Cass is an Ordennan who constructs Pala-din and ends up constructing AuDy based on some plates that they'd found. They go on an adventure, and there's a little bit of sick-fic and hurt/comfort near the end of what's posted. It's not complete, but I don't want to say it's dead because I absolutely want to return to it one day. While I have small bits of it posted to AO3, it's actually a Twine game that's hosted on itch.io.

I've also written a couple of fics that aren't directly Cass/AuDy but kind of imply some Cass/AuDy, and which I may write Cass/AuDy sequels to:

Renunciation, Reconciliation - T - Another post-canon, "everyone lives," fix-it AU that is largely canon-compliant. The Pelagios siblings fake their deaths during the conflict with Rigour and hide out on a backwater planet. It's very introspective and focused on the relationships between the siblings, but there is a little reference to Cass/AuDy. I'm super proud of this one, and if you aren't interested in Cass/AuDy but are interested in Cass character studies, I implore you to read this fic.

When I See You Again - T - Yet another post-canon, "everyone lives" AU that is absolutely not canon-compliant. This is much less introspective and pays some homage to something Art said about Cass being a mediocre leader at best. Cass convalesces after nearly dying in the final battle, with a heavy focus on their relationships with their friends/family. Again, there's some "blink-and-you-miss-it" references to Cass/AuDy, but that's not the focus of the fic. All in all, it's a pretty light-hearted post-canon fix-it, if that's your cup of tea.

And that's it, for now! I may keep this updated, I may not. If you've never considered this pairing before, I recommend checking out this post, which is a taste of why I ship it. Anyway, if you choose to read any of this, I hope you enjoy!

[storytellerofuntoldlegends]

an icarus and his sun: chapter 4

A/N: what's this? jimmy may be finally leaving denial station? and gray-aroace jimmy because i said so? hell yeah. also more seablings pog!! i do also have the next chapter written already bc it has one of the scenes that was basically the whole reason i wrote this fic, but i'm gonna wait until tomorrow to post it (mostly bc i wanna make sure i have the chapter after that one written bc of... reasons >:) the next chapter is a tad cliffhanger-y and i just don't want y'all to have to wait too long)

Warnings: teasing/banter, flirting, realization of feelings

AO3 Link - Tumblr Masterpost

-

The invitation for the House Blossom Ball arrived, with a separate handwritten note along with it from Katherine that very pointedly reminded Jimmy to dress up and maybe lose the cod head. Something about how it wasn’t “fancy enough” or whatever. Jimmy felt the cod head was acceptable for any occasion, not to mention he felt weird with his whole head being in view- but maybe he could compromise for Katherine. He’d have to figure out some sort of other headpiece… but the ball wasn’t for a few days anyway. Jimmy had plenty of time to figure out an outfit. In the meantime, he had some work to do on his slime farm. And of course, who else should be there but Scott when Jimmy came up from his farm. He was sitting on the roof of the slime farm entrance, legs swinging idly.

“What are you doing here,” Jimmy asked with a tired sigh, really hoping that he wouldn’t have to deal with another fight with Scott. Scott hopped down from the roof, gliding a bit before landing in front of Jimmy.

“Oh same as always, I was bored and you’re fun to bother,” Scott said with a shrug and a playful grin. Jimmy glowered at him, putting his hands on his hips.

“Oh no, not today! I’m not letting you get under my skin anymore!” Jimmy said, determination in his tone. Scott raised an eyebrow as his grin morphed into a smirk, and there was that squirming, fluttery feeling from their fight again.

“Are you sure about that?” Scott crooned, a clear challenge in his voice. Jimmy shut his eyes, taking a deep breath before shifting his expression into something more neutral.

“Absolutely,” he said firmly, walking past Scott towards his base. Scott seemed surprised for a moment, before getting his bearings and following after Jimmy.

"Not even over this?" Scott asked, walking beside Jimmy and tossing something green up in the air before catching it again. Jimmy stopped walking, brows furrowed in confusion. Scott stopped too, looking him in the eyes as he tossed the object again- a slimeball.

"How- where- when did you- where did you get that from?!" Jimmy demanded. The only way people got slime was from his empire.

“Got it from one of your chests- thought you wouldn’t mind,” Scott replied with a shrug, that smirk still irritatingly present on his face.

“I very much do mind! Give that back!” Jimmy demanded, lunging forward to try and grab the slimeball from his hand. Scott darted back, flapping his wings and sending a gush of wind to push Jimmy back.

“You’re gonna have to catch me, fish boy,” Scott teased, before taking off into the sky. Jimmy grit his teeth in frustration.

“I’m the Codfather!” he protested, equipping his elytra and taking off after Scott. Scott laughed, dipping and twirling in the sky while Jimmy struggled to keep up. Going after someone who had actual wings while Jimmy only had an elytra was a definite disadvantage, but Jimmy was a little too stubborn to care. Scott climbed higher into the sky with ease, Jimmy following close after- and then the sun hit Scott’s wings and Jimmy just about fell out of the sky. The sun’s rays caught the gold tips of his wings, making them shimmer. But it wasn’t just the sunshine reflecting off his wings- it was the way Scott’s whole face seemed to shine like the sun with his smile and how the wind ruffled his usually neat hair. It was how his laugh sounded as if the shimmering of gold made a sound. It was how those icy blue eyes sparkled with mirth as he held the slimeball victoriously above his head. It was how Scott’s expression suddenly melted from that of a mischievous trickster to something almost fond. All of those things caused that pleasant flip-flopping feeling in his stomach to return, and Jimmy suddenly pitched down because of it. He quickly righted himself, flushing in embarrassment and glaring at Scott’s resulting smirk.

“Guess you aren’t one of those flying fish, huh,” he teased.

“Just give me the slimeball back!” Jimmy demanded. Scott laughed, and it felt like flowers blooming in Jimmy’s chest.

“You get so fussed over the littlest of things,” he said, still laughing. Jimmy got the feeling that he should have been angry at Scott’s teasing, he was making fun of him, after all! But instead, Jimmy couldn’t help but smile back. To Jimmy’s surprise, Scott seemed startled by that, eyes going wide and a half gasp, half laugh escaping his lips.

“Sometimes you gotta appreciate the little things in life! You miss those things when you fly above everything and live up and away from the world in the mountains,” Jimmy pointed out with a laugh. Scott pondered this, slowly floating back to the ground as he did so. Jimmy tilted his head to the side in confusion, coming to a landing beside him. Scott was staring at the slimeball in his hands with a mix of wonder and bafflement. Shaking his head, Scott reached out for Jimmy’s hand and pressed the slimeball into it, both hands clasping over Jimmy’s hand for a moment. Jimmy’s hand felt fever-warm at Scott’s touch, and his heart hammered in his chest.

“You can have this back. Sorry,” Scott said, quickly withdrawing his hands. Jimmy felt horrible instantly, he clearly struck a nerve with what he said. Before Scott got a chance to leave, Jimmy quickly grabbed his hands, giving the slimeball back.

“Keep it, I’ve got plenty. You- you should enjoy the little things in life too,” Jimmy said softly. Scott’s face tinged pink, all the way up to the tips of his ears.

“I- whatever,” Scott scoffed, trying to bring it back to their teasing back and forth from before, but failing miserably. Before Jimmy had a chance to reply, Scott drew his hands back, holding the slimeball close to his chest and taking off into the sky. This time around, Jimmy didn’t bother chasing after him. He was a little too busy wondering what on earth had just happened. One moment Jimmy was irritated by Scott’s presence, and the next his heart felt all fluttery and he willingly gave him a commodity from his empire. What was happening to him?! Jimmy had a sneaking suspicion… but he had to talk to Lizzie or Joel first. He just had to be sure.

-

Jimmy flew to Lizzie’s empire, spotting her and Joel sitting together on one of her giant lilypads. They both looked at him with concern when he landed in front of them, out of breath. Lizzie was the first to jump to her feet, hands reaching out towards him and searching for any injuries. Joel followed after her and hovered at her side, looking unsure of what to do.

“What happened?! Are you hurt, were you attacked?!” Lizzie demanded, and Joel’s eyes shot to the skies as he put a hand on the hilt of his sword. Jimmy laughed, shaking his head.

“Guys, I’m fine! See, look! I’m all good. Just had to see you,” Jimmy said, holding his arms out to show that he was, in fact, uninjured. Lizzie and Joel breathed out a simultaneous sigh of relief.

“Oh thank goodness. Usually when you fly to one of us in a panic, you’re hurt or being chased, or something’s seriously wrong,” Joel said, the tension draining from his shoulders and hand dropping from the hilt of his sword. Jimmy’s smile turned sheepish.

“Well… something… might be wrong. But there’s something I’ve gotta ask you guys first,” Jimmy replied nervously. Lizzie and Joel exchanged confused glances. Lizzie stepped closer, putting a comforting hand on Jimmy’s shoulder.

“Of course, you can ask us anything,” she said softly. Jimmy took a deep breath, working up the nerve to say it.

“How did you know you were in love?” he asked timidly. Lizzie blinked in surprise, and Joel raised an eyebrow.

“Is this about Scott?” Joel asked. Jimmy’s face flushed in embarrassment.

“Please just answer the question,” he muttered. Thankfully, Joel didn’t seem to be in a teasing mood, and neither did Lizzie.

“For me it was her smile. Gave me butterflies the first time I saw it,” Joel said, unabashedly gazing at Lizzie. She giggled, and Joel’s fond expression increased tenfold.

“Butterflies?” Jimmy asked, a bit confused by the turn of phrase.

“You know, when your stomach gets all squirmy, but not in a bad way? Like a bunch of butterfly wings flapping inside you,” Joel explained, and Jimmy was hit with a sudden burst of clarity. Something in his expression must have shown it, because Lizzie gave his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

“You’re telling me that’s what love feels like? It’s that just… all the time?” Jimmy asked, his voice a little hollow with disbelief. At himself mostly, for not realizing it sooner. To be fair, he didn’t feel those sorts of feelings often. In fact, he felt it almost exclusively with Scott. So to realize this whole time what he had really been feeling wasn’t just hatred or irritation… he felt a little silly.

“Well, it’s not always like that, sometimes being around someone you love just makes you feel warm and cozy,” Lizzie added.

“Well… but I feel warm and cozy all the time with you guys!” Jimmy protested, still trying to deny that feeling just a little bit longer. Lizzie smiled, patient and understanding.

“Yes, but with this… hypothetical someone, it’s different, isn’t it,” she gently prodded. Jimmy finally gave in. It was different with Scott, and that honestly terrified him. He’d never felt this way about anyone, ever.

“Oh my god, I like him,” Jimmy breathed.

“About time you figured it out,” Joel muttered. Lizzie moved her hand from Jimmy’s shoulder to swat Joel’s arm. Jimmy was too busy having a bit of an existential crisis to really care.

“Oh my god I really like him. This whole time- but Scott hates me, what on earth am I supposed to- but he seemed kind of nice today…” Jimmy trailed off, beginning to pace back and forth. Lizzie gasped in excitement, rushing over to stand in front of Jimmy and grabbing his shoulders.

“You saw him today?! Tell. Me. Everything!” she demanded. Jimmy let out a sheepish laugh.

“Nothing really happened! He stole a slimeball from me, I chased him a bit in the sky- and oh god he was gorgeous in the sunlight- and then I said something to make him sad and let him keep the slimeball anyway. I- wow I really didn’t like seeing him sad,” Jimmy rambled, a disbelieving smile growing across his face. Joel made a mock-disgusted face.

“I think I liked it better when Jimmy was in denial, he’s getting all mushy now,” he teased. Lizzie rolled her eyes.

“Don’t listen to him, being mushy is a good look on you,” she insisted, getting a laugh out of Jimmy.

“I’m glad you think so, but maybe Joel is right. Cause now all I can think about is how Scott definitely doesn’t feel the same way,” Jimmy said with a sigh. A determined look came across Lizzie’s face, and distantly Jimmy was a little terrified.

“Oh no, you’ve activated her plotting look,” Joel said with the same distant terror that Jimmy was feeling.

“The ball is the perfect time to change Scott’s mind and show him that you are a catch, you’ve said so yourself,” Lizzie explained with a grin.

“Oh no, that is not happening, I just want the ball to be something fun, I don’t wanna make a scene,” Jimmy protested, but it came out a little weak.

“Us? Make a scene? Never. I was just thinking that we make sure to get you a snazzy outfit!” Lizzie said, and while Jimmy didn’t trust her for a second, he could concede that Lizzie had a better sense of style than he did.

“Oh, alright. As long as it’s just that,” Jimmy said firmly.

“Of course!” Lizzie said, far too innocently. Jimmy just chuckled and shook his head.

“And we should probably do something fancier than the cod head,” Joel added. Jimmy sighed, putting a hand over the cod head.

“Yeah, yeah, Katherine mentioned that too,” Jimmy said with a pout.

“Don’t worry, you’re in good hands!” Lizzie chirped, releasing Jimmy’s shoulders to instead grab his arm and pull him to where she and Joel had been sitting, rambling about outfit ideas all the while. Jimmy couldn’t help but smile and be a tiny bit hopeful. Maybe wearing something nice would catch Scott’s eye… but then what? Happily ever after? Was that how love even worked? Whatever the case, he was sure Lizzie would have a plan for that too. And maybe the ball could be the start of something beautiful.

-

Taglists below! Ask me to be added/removed!

MCYT General Fic Taglist: @corazon10000 @damiensaidno @franticfandomfanatic @gattonero17 @hetapeep41 @space-ace123

AIAHS Taglist: @anty-kreatywna @devilwoodkitty18 @riobug 

[bestworstcase]

@lizarr7 reply on this post

When I first finished the series, and started to get into the fandom, I was disappointed to see the general consensus was that season 1 was good, s2 was fine, and s3 had some good episodes/moments, but was generally bad. One of the major reasons listed always seemed to be that Cass's character ark became weird and her villain part was contrived and had no real foundation. I was like "oh, this sucks. I liked season 3! It was my fave and I loved Cass as a villain. Was I being shallow? Was I ignoring glaring plot holes or forced "character development"? I thought it seemed pretty good for a kids show, especially one so silly." I'm glad there is another community who share my opinion in that regard. It sucks to like something and have everyone else hate on it :(

if it helps any most of the hardcore s3 + cass hate comes from 1. people who convinced themselves back in s1 that moonvarian was gonna happen and are still bitter that it didn’t, many of whom additionally brag about only watching a handful of episodes in s2, and 2. people who hated cassandra from day one and were never interested in engaging with her character in good faith to begin with lmao. just ignore ’em

dunno how long you’ve been in the fandom but cassunzel circles are generally a lot more positive wrt s3, and then there is also [clenches fist] the zhan tiri corner of the fandom we are small but mighty ghdghsksh

anyways

s3 fascinates me because it’s simultaneously...like objectively the messiest on a technical level but also my favorite seasons for a lot of reasons and regardless of the bone i have to pick with how the arc was written, ultimately cassandra’s villain arc i think did deliver on the essentials of the setup done in s1-2, and almost all the things i wanted out of the show, as much as it could within the limits of being a disney princess cartoon targeted primarily at children hgkshns

tangentially related i have got. a list of fic recs floating around somewhere but tumblr being what it is i have no idea how to find it so! short list, some good cass-centric fics, most but not all set during or after s3: 

strings by hemlock/pathygen - alt s3, complete, written while the season was airing. focused on cassandra’s journey back to corona with zhan tiri, strong lean into eldritch horror, fantastic imagery. labor by singing light is a follow up oneshot exploring rapunzel’s side of the story

destinies fulfilled by @daylightlucidity - another alt s3, also complete, also focused on cassandra’s journey back to corona with zhan tiri. a lot more canon flavor™ except it says the actual grievances out loud and zhan tiri gets to be a real character instead of a cattle prod

burn a broken effigy of me and you & the doomed knight by murphy @ancientriverbed (who also wrote some excellent fan songs which u should check out!) - the former is a trilogy of ‘missing episodes’ set in each season + a oneshot epilogue, with the third evolving into a whole canon divergent s3; the latter is a standalone winter holidayish oneshot. both are cassunzel endgame. very thinky character driven stories.

not all who wander are lost by @lemon-embalmer - post-canon cass-centric picks up from the end of s3. strikes a much more serious and grounded fantasy tone without losing the voices of any of the canon characters and also has a great cast of OCs.

@erazonpo3’s cassandra’s tangled adventure au is likewise post-canon cass-centric what happens to cass after she leaves corona. very canon-flavor. there’s a bunch of oneshots and a couple longer fics in addition to the art so that link’s just to the au tag.

bite the hand that feeds by @pancat-n-sausage is “tangled the series, but what if cass and rapunzel were both shapeshifters” and strikes a nice balance between canon flavor while also having a more serious feel and while the story itself has not gotten to the zhan tiri parts yet i am excited about her lore™ 

i don’t. read a lot of oneshots but here are a few that i like

...also i wrote the thing so reccing it feels like cheating LMAO but i really am fond of gloaming all i do is write variations on s3 and i think it’s my favorite to to date

[andwereallmadhere]

You’re Not Alone | Jean x Reader

Paring: Jean x f!reader (slight Eren x reader mentioned)

Genre: FLUFF!, song fic

Word Count: 4.5k 

Warnings/ Triggers: Alcohol, underage drinking 

A/N: I was inspired by the Big Time Rush song You’re Not Alone (Link below). This is not the first thing I have written, but it is the first I am posting. Characters might be OOC but I feel like the overall feeling is there. I hope you enjoy!

Link to song: https://youtu.be/tbS5JF32szE

I bet you didn't notice First time your heart was broken You called me up and we talked til the morning

Jean is woken from his sleep by the harsh ringing of his phone. He fumbles for a minute trying to slide the little green button to answer the call. He puts the device up to his ear before stuffing his face back into the pillow, “Why are you call me it’s the middle of the night?” Sleep heavy in his gruff voice. He is quickly answered by your voice sobbing on the other end of the receiver. This immediately broke him out of his sleep-filled mind. He should have known when he saw your picture flash on the screen that you would only be calling if it was important. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” He says wiping a guilty hand over his face. You didn’t respond. Still unable to form proper words through all the tears. He continues to quietly talk to you in an attempt to calm you down. Once the sobbing ebbs he finally asks, “Y/N, can you tell me what’s wrong?”

He only hears you choke out a single word, “Eren.”

Jean and Eren never did get along, in however long you and Jaeger had been dating. But, as your best friend, Jean tried his best to accept him since that would make you happy. So hearing that HE is the reason you are crying at 2 A.M. enrages Jean. 

“What did that bastard do? Did he try something you didn’t want? Do I need to beat him up? Y/N, I swear to god if he hurt you I will-“

“No Jean. It’s not like that.” “Then what is it like?”

“He dumped me.”

“Y/N…”

“He just came by my house and told me that “I’m just over it I guess”. What am I supposed to do with that?”

“He’s a dick, I’ve told you that from the beginning.”

You only respond by sobbing more.

Eren had been your first real boyfriend. And as much as Jean didn’t want it to be true, you were head over heels. Everyone knew this would happen eventually, he just hoped there would be a little more warning. Maybe a fight or something but just cutting it off without a real reason? Jean had theories that he was probably hooking up with someone else and didn’t want the guilt of being a cheater, but you didn’t need to hear that right now. You didn’t need overprotective Jean hating on Eren. You needed best friend Jean to comfort you and assure you that you are worthy of love and everything is going to be okay.

“Hey, you can do better than him. He’s the real loser here. Any guy would be lucky to have you and the next one has to go through me first.” Jean says half meaning it, half attempting to make you laugh.

“Stop it, Jean, You know you’d lose every fight.” He can almost hear the smile in your voice, despite the tears that are certainly still running down your face. 

“Why don’t I come get you? We can go for a drive or something.”

“Okay.” Your soft voice is followed by a sniffle.

“I’m on my way.”

Jean gets out of the warmth of his bed and finds his sweatpants. He throws on a hoodie and grabs an extra in case you forget to bring your own. It's pretty chilly out tonight. He grabs his keys and begins the drive to your house. Once he arrives he sees your form sitting on your porch. Always the gentleman, he walks over to you and offers to help you up. You grab his hand and he can still see the tear stains on your cheeks. Once you are on your feet he pulls you into a hug. “Hey,” Jean says returning your tight squeeze. “Let’s go get you some food.” 

You don’t respond, but your grip around his waist losses and you begin making your way to the car. He opens the door for you and watches as you immediately grab the spare hoodie and slide it over your head. It’s obviously too big for you, but you are grateful for the extra fabric to bury your sad face in. 

The ride is mostly silent, Jean wanted to give you room to talk if you wanted. After a bit of having his hoodie pulled up to your nose, it was clear that you were too caught up in your own drowning thoughts to say anything so he turned on a very soft playlist from his phone in hopes of providing you some distraction.

Jean stops the car and you see he has brought you to a Waffle House. He knows it your favorite. Sure the food isn’t great but there is something about the mediocracy of the establishment that gets you. “Come on slowpoke, I’m buyin’,” Jean says after opening your door. You give him a thank you before following him into the restaurant. 

The two of you find a small booth, given that it was well into the night, there weren’t any people there other than the handful of employees. “You’ll have to talk to me eventually you know,” Jean says. You take a moment to look up from the menu he knows you have memorized by now. Just then a waitress comes by to take your order. 

Jean already knows exactly what you want because you always get the same thing. Just as he tells the waitress your order you finally speak, “Hey Jean.” Your voice is slightly above a whisper, “can I have chocolate milk?” You look back down at the table while Jean turns back to the waitress, “And can the lady have a chocolate milk, please and thank you.” Jean smiles at you as the waitress walks away, your silly request signaling that his best friend is slowly but surely coming out of this shell of sadness. 

Sure enough, you begin to open up. You tell him more of the details about Eren dumping you. Your food arrives and you laugh when Jean spills his glass of water on his lap. The two of you eventually move to the barstool countertops to talk to the fry cook, trying to convince him to make you a pancake instead of a waffle. Eventually Jean pays, leaving a generous tip as an apology for your late-night shenanigans. 

Walking to the car you can see the pastel colors of the impending day reaching the sky. Not ready to go home yet you lean into Jean’s body, tugging on his arm, “Let’s go watch the sunrise!” 

“You’re ridiculous.” He says shaking his head, “get in the car.” He smiles and opens your car door. Of course he was going to let you watch the sunrise. He is going to drive you to the park and find a place high up and the two of you will talk about nothing at all until you fall asleep in the passenger seat of his car. He is really just happy that the outing has worked. No, 4 A.M. waffles cannot cure your broken heart but it at least made you smile. 

And the time that you were stranded I was there before you landed He was a no show, I made sure you got home

High school seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Graduation came and went and your family decided that you should spend the summer at your aunt’s house on the other side of the country. Of course, you loved your aunt and her kids, but spending your last real summer break away from your friends wasn’t a huge selling point. Ultimately, your mom said you had to go because the trip was already paid for and your aunt was expecting you. The only reason you eventually agreed was that the majority of your little group were all attending the same college, so at least it wasn’t goodbye.

The day before Freshman move-in everyone decided to throw a party at Eren and Mikasa’s house. Eren’s parents were out of town a lot so that is usually where the gang got together. Jean and Eren still don’t along great, but Jean was close to Sasha and Connie who happened to be okay friends with Armin and Mikasa, and thus your little group was formed for better or for worse. After the night Eren dumped you out of the blue, Jean was furious with him, only for you to accept Jaeger’s lame-ass apology and take him back a week later. Luckily there hadn’t been any more repeats of that night. Maybe Eren was telling the truth and did actually like you, so Jean played nice even if he didn’t fully forgive the brunette. 

And now he was here, with you on FaceTime while you wait for your flight at the airport and Jean is getting ready for Eren’s dumb party that you won’t even make it to. 

“So when does your flight get in?” Jean asks folding the remains of the load of laundry his mom did this morning. 

“I think about 11 if it’s not delayed again. I’m super bummed that I won’t make it in time for the party.”

“It’s at Jaeger’s house, can’t he just bring you by after he picks you up?” 

“I guess so, but he also said something about taking me home because it’ll be late and we have move in tomorrow.”

Jean hums in response. It is a valid argument logically, but none of them have seen you all summer except for the occasional FaceTime. The only real reason Jean was going to this stupid party was that you were supposed to be back in time. Jean can hear a voice come over the intercom in the airport. “Hey, Jean, that’s my flight. I gotta go.”

“Alright, Y/N, let me know when you land. See you soon.”

With that, the call ended. Your face replaced by a photo of you and Jean at prom making silly faces. Yeah, Eren was your date and Jean took Mikasa, but you all took photos together and his mom insisted on getting one of the two of you. It was obvious that the picture pissed Eren off, and that made it even more special to Jean. 

Eventually, Jean finished the laundry and headed over to Eren’s. At least everyone else will be there and he can kick Connie’s ass at beer pong. Jean purposefully arrived a little late, so he knew everyone else would already be there, and sure enough, Eren had the white folding table already set up in the garage and Armin had started a little bonfire in the backyard. “Horseface You made it!” Connie says throwing an arm around Jean. 

“I told you not to call me that.”

“What are you going to do send Y/N after me? Oh wait…She’s not here!”

“We both know Y/N could easily kick your ass so shut up.”

Jean went around greeting everyone else and made good on his promise to dominate at beer pong. A while later he takes a seat next to Armin, who was currently roasting a marshmallow. “Ever put peanut butter on a s’more? Whole new experience.”

Armin looks over at Jean, “Y/N show you that?”

“Oh no, secret’s out,” Jean says taking a drink of water. After the game of beer pong, which was a little closer in score than Jean would have enjoyed, he decided to take it easy on the booze so he could actually drive home.

“When does her flight get in anyway?” Armin asks removing his marshmallow from the flame. 

“She told me about 11 when we talked earlier. Said Eren was going to pick her up.” 

At the mention of his name the two look over to see Eren taking a shot with Sasha and Connie. “Did anyone tell him that?” Armin says with a small chuckle. 

Jean looked at his watch, it was only 9, if the bastard stop drinking now he might be sober enough to come get you. So Jean let it slide. 

But Eren didn’t stop drinking. It was now 10:30 and Eren was plastered. Jean watches as Eren and Connie arm wrestle and sighs. What would Y/N think if she saw her boyfriend like this? “Shit,” Jean says standing from his chair around the fire. This gets the attention of Armin and Mikasa who were also over Eren’s drunk bullshit, “What is it?” Armin questions. “Y/N. Eren is supposed to pick her up from the airport in 30 minutes.”

“Well, that’s not happening!” Sasha laughs, also drunk. 

Jean stood up and finished his soda before pulling his car keys from his pocket. 

“And where are you going Horseface? Afraid you’ll lose in arm wrestling?” Eren suddenly joins the conversation. Jean cannot believe this asshole, he doesn’t even realize! Jean contemplates throwing a punch, but that will inevitably start a fight and the airport is almost 40 minutes away so he’ll already be late. So instead, Jean crushes the soda can in his hand and walks away. “Ha! Horseface is a scary cat!” Eren yells at his back before Mikasa smacks Eren on the head. 

Jean’s anger melts through the drive. As upset as he is that Jaeger forgot, Jean is excited to see you. He’s not sure how he’s going to explain this one to you though. He parks his car and glances at the time, 11:15. At least you haven’t been waiting too long. 

Luckily the airport is pretty small and there are only a few incoming flights so it’s not hard to figure out which gate your flight should have landed at. He thinks it's a little odd you haven’t texted him that you landed safely but he dismissed it as he made his way to the gate. Jean is surprised to find the gate empty. No hugging families or people searching for their luggage. There are a few scattered people here and there, also apparently picking up various passengers. After talking with another guy, Jean finds out that the flight had been delayed before take off so it is running late. You were not stranded at the airport, you hadn’t even landed. 

Jean found a seat and began scrolling on his phone. He didn’t expect to have so much time so he didn’t really bring anything with him, not even headphones to listen to music. He sat waiting for what must have been a solid 30 minutes before he started to fall asleep in the chair. 

“Jean!” He hears your voice call, this rouses him from the light sleep. Once he sees your face he can’t help but smile. He stands to walk over to you but is practically knocked over when you throw yourself into his arms. “Hey, stranger.” He says wrapping his arms around you. 

“It feels like it has been forever!” You pull away from him and reach for your suitcase, but Jean beats you to it, grabbing the handle before you can. “I can carry it you know.” But you know it’s useless arguing. Mama Kirstein raised a gentleman, that’s for sure. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at a party?” You ask, giving him a side-eye as you follow him to his car. “Yeah…about that…” Jean still hasn’t figured out exactly what to say about why Eren ditched you. 

“Eren drunk himself stupid, didn’t he?” You say, almost casually. Like you expected it all along. 

“Yeah, but lucky for you I know a guy with a soft spot for you.” Jean places your things in the trunk before opening your car door.

“My shining stallion, always coming to my rescue.”

“Yeah, yeah, get in the car Princess.” He says. Eren’s stupid horse jokes have started rubbing off on you.

You spent the whole drive telling Jean about your trip, even though you talked with him almost every day you were gone. Jean in turn told you all the ridiculous things Sasha and Connie did while you were away. They still had group game night, which surprisingly Eren and Jean only tried to kill each other a handful of times. You laugh when Jean tells you the full story about Connie smashing Sasha’s face into a cake she brought one night, claiming “There is never a bad time for cake.” Sure they all sent you the pictures but you still loved hearing the story. And before you know it Jean pulled up in front of your house. 

He carried your suitcase to the door and turned to you, “I’ll pick you up at 6 alright?” Right, Jean offered to drive you to orientation tomorrow and it was a four-hour drive to the University. With all the excitement of seeing your best friend, you forgot about college tomorrow. “Ugh so early? That’s like 4 hours from now” 

“Unfortunately. Even then we’ll be cutting it close.”

“Fine. I’ll see you at 6.” You say giving him a final hug.

“Jean," you say into his chest, “I’m kind of glad it was you and not Eren that picked me up. I missed you. Thanks for always being there for me.”

“For you. Always.” Jean returns your hug before walking back to his car.

All the days that you were stressed out Feeling like pulling your hair out They were all missing but I was here listening

Freshman year came and went and now you were currently crying over your trigonometry textbook before your final tomorrow. Your other finals had gone pretty well and other than this stupid test you were finished with your first full year of university. Surprisingly Jean and Eren didn’t kill each other despite being suite mates. Originally the two were supposed to be roommates, but Armin quickly volunteered to switch with Jean, the blond being a little more equipped to handle Eren. You on the other hand shared a dorm with Sasha and Mikasa. Since it was the three of you you managed to snag a bigger room and didn’t have to share a bathroom with anyone else. When the gang got together for movie night it was usually in your room since the boys lived just down the hall. Overall it had been a pretty good year. 

Everyone else had already finished their finals, the majority of your group moving back home on Wednesday, except Jean who had his last final today. Jean also offered to stay an extra day so you could drive home together, but he would never say that out loud. “I’m gonna use the extra time to relax since Jaeger is gone. Living with him for a year almost killed me!” He would claim, ever the dramatic. But you knew he was also staying for you since you didn’t have a car and he did a similar thing for winter break. 

Trig had been your worst class all semester. No matter how many times you worked through the problems you were always getting a different answer, usually the wrong one. Armin helped you study for your midterm, but since he was already gone you were left alone. While your overall grade wasn’t bad considering you did all of the extra credit options your professor offered, this test could make or break your final GPA. If you could get at least an 85% it would bump your grade from a high C to a low B. So you have been doing nothing but math since your other finals finished this morning. And you were about to cry. Again. After completing the study guide and taking half a dozen practice tests you aren’t anywhere close to what you needed. After grading your last practice test, you barely managed an 80% and that was being nice to yourself. 

“I’m never going to get this.” You sob, ink running from the tears now spilling onto your paper. Then there is a knock on the door.

“Who’s there?”

“The pizza guy?” Jean says from the other side of your door. At the mention of food, you realize you hadn’t eaten since breakfast that morning, which wasn’t saying much since you had a muffin and cup of coffee after Mikasa yelled at you for forgetting to eat earlier in the week. But you didn’t want Jean to see you struggling this much. Yeah, you could talk to him about anything but he was always so gifted when it came to school, even graduated top of the class in high school. So the idea of him seeing you brought to tears by something he saw as easy made your heartache. You were afraid he would accidentally make fun of you in that cocky way he does, or he would offer to help but realize you were a lost cause before ditching you altogether.

“Go away, Jean. I’m studying,” You yell back, attempting to hide the overwhelming stress from your voice.

“Well take a break, I wasn’t joking about the pizza. Mikasa told me you haven’t been eating so you better open this door, Y/N, before I resort to drastic measures.”

You give up getting him to go away, plus that pizza sounds so good. You get up and open the door, “And what would these ‘drastic measures’ be?” 

“Sasha left her keys in our dorm, so I probably would have just walked in.” Jean finally takes a look at your face, and despite your efforts to wipe away your tears, Jean knows you’ve been crying.

“Y/N what’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure? You-‘ You cut him off before he can finish. “What kind of pizza did you bring?” 

“Your favorite, of course.” Jean sets the pizza on your bed while you grab some drinks out of the little micro-fridge. Jean glances at your desk and quickly takes in the scattered notes and tear-stained papers. Suddenly it makes sense. Your lack of eating, how you haven’t been responding to texts, and the tears when you opened the door. “I can help you you know? I took Trig last semester.” 

“I told you not to worry about it.” You say attempting to be mad at him for snooping but it’s pointless. You take a seat on the bed and open the pizza box, “Horseface.” You add almost in a whisper. 

Jean visibly shrivels at the name, “No. Not you. Not allowed.”

This small comment was enough to change the subject, and his mild anger at such a stupid name pulls an amused smile out of you. The two of you eat and converse as usual. He tells you about his last final and how Eren left their shared bathroom a mess that he needs to take care of before you leave tomorrow. You talk about how one of your professors just showed a movie during the final period since they are required to hold class despite not actually giving a test. And you feel the stress leave your body, even if just for a moment. 

After a while, Jean looks back over at your desk before grabbing your textbook and the last practice test you took. “This isn’t bad, Y/N, looks like some simple mistakes that you keep making, fix those and you’ll be fine.”

“How can I fix something I don’t know I’m doing wrong?” You ask.

“Because I’m going to help you, idiot.”

Jean proceeds to walk you through your last practice test and showing you the mistakes he was talking about. After helping you do a few more problems, Mr. Kirstein makes you do another practice test that he’s going to grade. While you take the test Jean lays on your bed, scrolling through his phone. He’s trying not to look at you, not wanting to add more pressure to you by feeling watched. 

After you are finished you pass him the paper and watch as he marks up the pages with a red pen. Eventually, he turns to you and gives you back the test, a solid 83%. Not as good as you hoped but you don’t want to discredit Jean’s tutoring. After walking through the test you look at the clock, it's currently 1 A.M. 

“Well Y/N, your test is first thing in the morning and I don’t think stressing yourself out more is going to help you at all.”

“But what am I supposed to do? I need an 85!”

“You need sleep,” Jean says, packing up your study materials.

“One more practice test, then I sleep, I swear.’

“Sleep now. Maybe you can do another in the morning.”

There is no use in arguing with Jean, he always gets his way. Once the study materials were all put away Jean takes your laptop and opens up Netflix, knowing you won’t be able to sleep if you were still worked up. The two of you sit side by side on your bed watching some stupid movie until Jean notices your eyes have closed and your breathing has evened out. As quietly as possible Jean closes the laptop and climbs out of the bed. He puts a blanket over your sleeping form and turns off the light before closing the door to your room. 

The next morning you wake up with a text from Jean. Opening your door you find a fresh coffee and a doughnut waiting on your doorstep. “That idiot.” You mumble to no one, but gratefully pick up the small meal he left for you. After eating you get ready to go and resign to looking over some notes before the exam. Once in the classroom, all the stress from last night comes crashing back. You just have to keep reminding yourself that a C in trig isn’t bad. Your GPA will still be above a 3.0, barely but still. And before you know it your teacher has told you to begin your exam so you log on to your computer and start your test. 

The good thing about the test being on the computer is that you’ll know your results immediately. After going over the answers a second time you finally hit the submit button. You stare at the little blinking cursor as it checks through all your answers, holding your breath. Suddenly your final grade pops up on the screen and you can’t stop the tears that slip from your eyes. You gather your things and head back to your dorm. But you find Jean waiting outside the building, leaning against the car without a care in the world. “JEAN!” You practically scream upon seeing him. He can see the tears on your face, “It’s okay, Y/N. Trig is pointless anyway. You still did great even if you got a C.”

“I did it! Jean, I got a 90%!”

“That’s my girl!” Jean says giving you a high five.

“Couldn’t have done it without you, teach.” You say giving him a big grin.

“Come on, Y/N. I say we get you a celebratory milkshake before we drive home. Jean says opening the door for you. Your eyes follow him as he walks around the car to the driver’s side. You are lucky to have him in your life. Yeah, he can be kind of an ass from time to time, but his heart is always in the right place. 

'Cause I'll be right there (right there) For every minute This time, it's no different Whatever happens you should know 'Cause you're not alone, girl Look over your shoulder You don't have to wonder 'Cause you know, you know, you know You're not alone, girl

[dissoluteways]

cover up - chapter I

❧

Chapter I 

PAIRING: Ravi/OC RATING: PG WARNINGS: Nothing this time. WORDCOUNT: 4042

Notes: Ok soooo this fic has been sitting on my computer since Scentist era so go figure how old it is lmao it is fully written, i’ll just proof read it and post it, probably once a week? it’s gonna be three or four chapters, i’m not sure yet. Enjoy babes ♥

Wonsik should be used to being surrounded by beautiful people. He was an idol; it was one  of the perks of it, having pretty girls and handsome boys around. And he was fascinated by  that world when they debuted, years ago, and he couldn’t help but stare a little too much  when they introduced themselves to their seniors. A lot of time had gone by since that, and  he thought he was immune to the way other idols shine by then. 

But he didn’t expect to see such a beautiful girl when they were introduced to one of their  new makeup artists. She didn’t have any striking features, and for being a makeup artist, she  didn’t seem to be wearing any. But it was probably that that made her so surreal. Her face  was soft, and she wasn’t terrifyingly stunning as some other idols he’d met; she gave a nice,  pleasant aura instead. 

And when her lips curved upwards in a warm smile, Wonsik choked. Literally choked. 

Hongbin side-eyed him as Hakyeon introduced them all one by one, and when it was  Wonsik’s turn to introduce himself, he almost spluttered trying to stop himself from coughing. 

“Hey, you ok?” She asked, stepping just a bit closer, and he had to take a step back, hitting  his chest in an attempt to clear his airways.  

At that point most of the people in the room were looking at him, and Wonsik would have  rather been swallowed by earth than to even speak. 

“Yeah, I’m…” He coughed one last time before replying. “I’m fine. I’m Wonsik, nice to meet  you.” 

She bowed and smiled again at him and he had to look down or he’d choke again. 

Before getting to work, they discussed the kind of concept they had in mind, and  (fortunately or not) Wonsik realized she was just there to work with them for that comeback  only. He was relieved, at least he was only going to choke and trip himself for two or three  months. Enough time to get rid of a possible superficial attraction. Maybe he would be lucky  enough to have one of their other stylists do his makeup instead of her. 

But that day wasn’t his day, and he was sitting in front of a mirror with her by his side as he  made an attempt to entertain himself with his phone to calm down before he had to put it  away to let her do her job.  

“Can you close your eyes, please?” she asked in a soft voice, getting closer and leaning down  so she could be at eye level. “And lean your head back.”

Wonsik could feel all the blood rushing to his face with every touch of her fingers on his  skin; he hoped she couldn’t tell how red he obviously was.  

“You can open your eyes now.” 

He did as he was told, and he regretted it immediately when he saw her face just a few  centimeters away. He pressed his back against his seat as much as he could so they could  keep their distance, but it was to no avail when she started applying the eyeliner, and he  tried his best to not choke on his own saliva again. 

“How old are you?”  

Wonsik jumped a little at her question, accidentally making her jut the line across his cheek.  “I’m sorry,” he apologized right after, internally slapping himself. 

“It’s ok, I can fix it.”  

“Great…” he looked at her as she looked for a q-tip before fixing the line and reapplying it.  “Um… I’m 25.” 

“I’m older then, I’m 28.” She replied with a smile, now applying foundation to his lips. “You  don’t have to be too formal with me, let’s get along well.” 

Great. It was going to be a tough three months. 

* 

One of the things that Wonsik told himself before actually getting to know her is that she  might have a bad personality. He was hoping that, if someone was pretty but rude, he  was going to get over that silly crush in a second. 

But it wasn’t like that. She talked, but not a lot, and not much about herself. She actually  asked him a lot of questions. Like she wanted to get to know him. And it wasn’t only that,  her voice made everything so much worse. She didn’t think it was possible for someone to  have such a soothing voice. He noticed the way she talked to Hakyeon or Taekwoon, since  they were the same age; he figured she might even change her nice approach. But no, she  seemed like a total peach. 

With all the talking, Wonsik learned that she actually worked with other groups a lot,  especially when it involved dark or sexy concepts. But she was more of a helping hand than a full time makeup artist. She told him she wanted to have her own line of makeup products one day, but so far she was content with working with idols.  

Wonsik never felt so out of place in his life. He didn’t know anything about makeup, and he  told her about his music, but he still felt silly when he looked at all her shade palettes and  foundations. He didn’t care about any of that before, but then he didn’t think it was possible  to be more nervous than he was when she was around. It was an awkward feeling, and for  the first time in his life, he hoped promotions period would be over soon. But it had been  only a week since he met her and he was completely exhausted.  

“I can’t wait to get home and sleep,” Wonsik confessed, sliding into their car with Hyuk and Hongbin after a long day of recording.  

“I guess thinking about our new makeup noona takes up a lot of your time,” Hongbin commented slyly, a smug smile on his face. 

“Shut up, you asshole.” Wonsik spitted, hitting his shoulder, but Hongbin still laughed at  him. 

“Hyung, I noticed you’ve been spending a lot of time in the shower lately,” Hyuk commented,  with a feigned innocent look on his face. “Is it because of her?” 

Wonsik glared at him but didn’t answer. 

“At least she helps you with your personal hygiene,” Hongbin grinned. 

“You shouldn’t wear such tight pants when she’s around, though,” Hyuk said.

Wonsik sighed loudly; already regretting what he was about to ask, “What do you mean?” 

“Those pants can’t hide all the boners you’re popping.” 

Both Hyuk and Hongbin broke into laughter as Wonsik turned into a tomato. 

“I’m not popping anything, you pricks!” 

* 

“Noona!” Jaehwan’s voice resonated through their waiting room, making Wonsik turn towards the door faster than light and almost drop his iced tea, only to be stared at by Hyuk  and Hongbin with knowing smiles on their faces, just as their staff walked through the door.  

Damn them, at least Hakyeon and Taekwoon didn’t tease him about it.

Wonsik watched as Jaehwan greeted her with a very uncool fist-bump (at least she laughed), before she walked towards the rest of them to say hello.  

“Hey Wonsik!” she called him in a cheery tone and smiling at him. 

“Hey…” He tried to keep his tone as chic as hers but he was pretty sure he failed miserably. But she kept on smiling at him as he took a seat in front of one of the mirrors. 

Wonsik wasn’t particularly observant, but he was certain she had been smiling more at him than when they first met, or even more to him than to the other members. Even then, when she was putting makeup on him and he was trying to keep his face as unresponsive as he  could, she kept on smiling, making it so much harder for him not to have a heart attack  right then and there.  

“I put on a red eye shadow this time,” she said softly, making him jump a little in his seat. “I  think it looks good on you, so I hope you like it.” 

“Oh…” he replied, not exactly sure of what to say really. “That’s good.” 

“Do you usually wear lip balm?” she asked, looking at his lips. 

“I, uh… No, not really.” 

She pursed her lips as she grabbed the lip balm from her makeup set, smearing some of it  on her index finger before applying it directly on Wonsik’s lips. Her face still was inches  away from his, and the fact that she was obviously staring at his lips made him think he  might die right then and there (which would be totally embarrassing if he was honest), and  he couldn’t help but to look at her lips too, gulping when he thought about how it would  feel to kiss them. 

“You really should use lip balm,” She told him once she was done, putting away the piece of  makeup, “It keeps your lips nice and soft.” 

“Yeah, I bet they are…” His reply came out without thinking, and he immediately regretted it.  She blinked at him before smiling sweetly, apparently oblivious to what he accidentally  implied. He tried to correct himself either way “I mean yeah, lip balm… does that.” 

Luckily the director called for them so they could start recording, so he quietly left the  waiting room, with a hand covering his face to hide his embarrassment.

“Damn man, you really got some amazing flirting skills.” Hongbin patted his back sympathetically on their way to the filming spot. “Maybe in ten years, you two might finally go on a first date.” 

“Shut up.” Wonsik spat back. “I don’t wanna date her; I want promotions to end already.” 

“They haven’t even started yet. We still have like five weeks to go until it’s over,” Hongbin pointed out, no comfort in his voice at all. “Hope you can survive until then.” 

Wonsik definitely hoped for that too. 

* 

“So… Wonsik, have you accidentally confessed your undying love for her yet? 

Wonsik groaned, throwing his head back against the back of the couch. He got it if they joked about it when they were at music show stations or even the company building when they were practicing, but to do it during dinner, when they were supposed to think about something else and relax for once in their lives? 

“I was hoping we wouldn’t touch that subject. Like, ever.” He growled back at Jaehwan; Hyuk and Hongbin snickering from the other side of the room. 

“She probably knows already,” Taekwoon’s soft voice commented, and there was a collective silence before the words sank into Wonsik’s brain. 

“Wait, what?” He practically screamed, everyone looking at him with expressions resembling amusement and knowledge. “…Does she know?” 

“She hasn’t said anything about that,” Hakyeon spoke up, looking almost completely  disinterested about the subject. Faking it, obviously, Wonsik knew he was totally up to date, especially with the way the others talked about it like it was daily news. He wished he wasn’t, he didn’t want his meddling ass in the middle of the whole situation. “Not to us, at least.” 

“She knows,” Hyuk said, a smug smile adorning his face. “She does look at him, you know.” 

“She does?” Wonsik asked, turning his head towards the younger boy, his entire body suddenly numb and trembling. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Hongbin commented enthusiastically, “I’ve seen her looking at him. You  know… sexually.”

“What?” If he didn’t know any better, Wonsik would have thought he was about to have a heart attack. 

“Oh good, I thought I was the only one who saw her eyeing him like he was a piece of meat,” Jaehwan commented, ironically as he put a piece of stew inside his mouth. 

“She wants to fuck him!” Hyuk sing-songed, looking like it was Christmas day and he just got the biggest gift in the house. 

“She what?!” Wonsik finally yelled, almost dropping the glass of water he was holding. 

“Oh come on,” Hongbin consoled him, voice calm, “You’re not terrible looking.” 

“Thanks for the compliment, but that wasn’t what I was referring to!”  

“Wonsikie,” Hakyeon intervened, voice peaceful as if they were talking about the weather.  “Do you want me to find out for you?” 

Wonsik stood up; face red with embarrassment and annoyance, as he walked towards the hall to his room before turning around. 

“No, I don’t! I don’t want any of you to meddle into this! I don’t want you all, jerks, to mess with this, it has nothing to do with any of you!” 

He felt like a teenager all over again and he walked all the way to his room, ready to close  the door and never opening it again when he heard Hakyeon’s voice:  

“She does wanna fuck him though, we gotta help her.” 

“And stop talking about me as if I wasn’t listening!”  

Wonsik yelled before slamming the door loud enough for even the neighbors to hear. 

He slumped onto his bed, sighing loudly and wanting nothing but for the bed to eat him and  spit him out like in that scene on Nightmare on Elm Street. 

All the things they said, even if they were to tease him or not, made him think anyway. She  couldn’t possibly want to fuck him; it seemed insane that they even think she looked at him  that way to begin with. They hardly knew each other, not to mention that he was a nervous  mess every time they were in the same room. There was a reason why didn’t date often and  it was because he got nervous around the people he liked, like sweating, trembling, and  even more sweating. It wasn’t attractive at all. 

The thought of them all possibly making a plan to “help her” was buried in the back of his  head as he dozed off in his bed. 

* 

He should have known something was off when he walked into the waiting room a few days  later, after recording was over. Mainly because everyone was looking at him. Literally, everyone. Even Taekwoon, who was eating a snack, stopped to stare at him.  

Second of all, all the staff was gone. They only had to take off their makeup before leaving,  so it didn’t seem unusual that their stylists weren’t there; but even their manager was  absent.  

“Um… where is everyone?” Wonsik asked, eyeing the entire room. 

“They left already,” Jaehwan answered quickly, as if it was super obvious. “We have another  schedule now so they left to go there already.” 

“We have another schedule?” Wonsik certainly didn’t remember seeing another schedule in  their calendar that day. That was probably the third thing that was off. 

He squinted his eyes at Jaehwan before looking at the rest of his members, and all of them  looked unusually quiet.  

He didn’t get to ask them what was going on when the door opened. Wonsik turned around  and froze, his heart stopping for what felt like an eternity. 

“Well I guess we gotta go now!” Jaehwan’s cheerful voice resonated in the room as they all  voiced their agreement and headed towards the door, greeting their makeup noona on their  way out.  

“Wonsik still has to take off his makeup,” Hongbin commented to her, who looked just as lost as Wonsik did.  

“Oh… I can help him.” She replied, smiling as she turned her head to look at Wonsik. 

Hyuk was the last to leave the room, and he did some kind of obscene gesture before closing the door with a smile, and Wonsik realized the devious plot behind the whole  scenario. 

There were a few seconds of silence before he spoke up. 

“There’s not a schedule after this, right?” 

“Um, not one that includes me, I think.” She replied, going to her bag to look for the cleanser  cream. “I think all the girls went home already.” 

“Fuckers,” Wonsik cursed under his breath, clenching his fists as he turned to glare at the  door. Maybe he could cast an evil eye spell or something. 

“Wonsik,” her voice brought him back to reality, and he quickly turned to look at her. She  was near the mirror, waiting for him to sit down with a smile on her face, and Wonsik  thought he might go blind if he looked at that smile for too long. “Sit.” 

He took a few steps towards her, his legs feeling like total jelly as he sat down in front of  her. He leaned his head back before she even asked, so used to being in that position when  it came to applying makeup that he did it naturally every time he sat down in front of her.  Closing his eyes was his own choice; Wonsik knew he would probably turn into a tomato and  explode if he had to look at her from up close.  

Massaging the cleanser on his face with her fingers made him relax, and he let out a sigh he  didn’t know he had been holding in. Her touch was gentle as she stroked the cream on his  cheeks, forehead and chin, and then down and around his jaw. He felt the washcloth on his  face a few seconds later, tenderly wiping away all the remains.  

Wonsik opened his eyes and got ready to get up from his seat, when she quickly put a hand  on his shoulder, urging him to remain seated. 

“I’m not done yet,” her voice wasn’t really harsh, but Wonsik stayed still, the skin on his  shoulder where her hand had been slightly stinging. “I still have to remove your eye  makeup.” 

“I usually just use oil for all my face…” He commented, not exactly sure why he was objecting. 

The look she gave me made him regret that comment immediately. 

“Well Hongbin also uses oil.” He said quickly, trying to drag someone else down with him  since he apparently was making a mistake when he applied oil to remove his makeup. “A lot  of it, actually. And he rarely moisturizes his skin too.” 

She was chuckling, her eyes turning into crescent shapes, and he smiled back at her, a warm  feeling settling at the pit of his stomach.  

“Close your eyes, please.” She asked, still smiling warmly, and he did as he was told.

She swiped a small amount of oil across his eyelids and eyebrows, before removing it with a  cotton pad. When Wonsik opened his eyes, sure that it was done this time, her face was still  only a few centimeters away from his, and his breath caught in his throat. He really couldn’t  help but stare when she touched his lips with her fingers, and he tasted a bit of the  cleansing oil she had applied.  

Wonsik was pretty sure she knew he was looking at her lips, but at the same time he  couldn’t bring himself to care. She had perfect lips, a pretty round shape and kind of plump,  and she was probably wearing lip balm or lip gloss because they were shinny too. He gulped  loudly and his eyes went up to meet hers, and she was staring right back at him. 

She pulled back after a second, reaching for another cotton pad, before leaning closer to  Wonsik again. She skimmed his lips with the cotton pad in one slow, gentle move before  disposing of it.  

“It’s done.”  

“Yeah…” Wonsik replied, clearing his throat when his voice came out higher and hoarser  than normal. “Yeah.” 

They both stood up at the same time, and Wonsik felt weird when he had to look down at  her. He was almost a head taller, yet he felt strangely small when she was around, his legs  turning into a puddle of goo every time.  

Right at that moment though, she was looking at him with a little dark pooling in her eyes,  gazing at him in a way she hadn’t done before. It made Wonsik’s heart race faster than  usual. 

“You look good without makeup.” 

The compliment made Wonsik blush a little, and she replied with a small grin. It was a weird  comment, considering she was his makeup artist; he was supposed to look good after  putting it on, not when he was barefaced.  

The blush spread towards his ears when she moved closer, much closer than before,  considering they hadn’t moved much, the chair he was sitting on before was still behind him.  

“You’re very cute, you know.” She said, that typical smile of hers on her lips. 

“I- I am?” Wonsik almost gurgled trying to get those words out of his mouth.

“Yes.” Her smile turned somewhat mischievous, and she stared at him with a knowing look. “Is it true?” 

Wonsik blinked, not exactly sure what she was asking. Maybe he had blacked out before from being so close to her and missed part of the question. 

“Is it true that you like me?” 

He couldn’t help but actually choke a bit this time, totally flustered and taken aback. Was he that obvious? He didn’t respond to her question, not exactly sure whether to lie or admit it, each option embarrassing enough for him. But from the look on her face, she was clearly enjoying the state he was in, a complacent smirk on her face giving her away. She looked up at him as she took another step closer, and he could smell her perfume then, something resembling coconuts and lemons, and Wonsik gulped.  

Her gaze pierced right through Wonsik’s eyes and she leaned in forward slightly, tilting her  head up, her lips parting just a bit, her breath washing over his lips. She had to be standing  on her tiptoes; even then she was still smaller than he was, but with the way she was  looking at him, he felt like a small animal, just about to be hunted down.  

“You’re really cute.” 

That was all she said, her voice low and sultry, right before she kissed him on the lips. 

It was all it was at first, her lips pressing against his, but she stole Wonsik’s breath away  anyway. There was a serious lack of oxygen in his brain, still in awe of what had just  happened, he couldn’t respond properly at all. She opened her mouth and tentatively flicked  her tongue out over his lips, and he let out a groan, feeling the vague taste of the cleansing  oil mixed with her cherry lip gloss, and he knew he wanted more. Wanted to feel her closer,  to taste her more, and just have her. 

Wonsik’s hand gripped her hips tightly, pressing her against his body, and she cupped his  face with her hands, and it was like his skin was burning when she touched him. She glided  her lips over his, the wet slide so intense it made Wonsik’s head spin, but he was eager,  hungry, so he parted his lips to slip his tongue out. The moan that escaped from her lips  made Wonsik proud, and his hands went upwards towards her waist, squeezing her skin through the fabric of her shirt. Their tongues brushed against one another, their lips  smoothly moving together; Wonsik felt like combusting.

It was over before he even knew it; she pressed her lips against his firmly before pulling away completely. There was a light blush adorning her cheeks and a smile on her lips; Wonsik went back to feeling vulnerable. He was very aware he was panting hard, and his  whole face felt extremely hot; meanwhile, other than the fact that her face was kind of pink, she looked completely fine. 

She took a step back and turned around to grab the little case with the creams she had  taken out before looking back at him. Her eyes were blown, and she looked completely  content with herself. 

“See you around.” She smiled at him one last time before grabbing her bag and walking past  him and towards the door. 

Wonsik stared at the door for what felt like forever before averting his eyes towards the rest  of the room. He felt completely out of place (it was a common feeling these days), his body felt  like it had been drained from all its energy, and he was positive he looked like had just been  mugged. And he was still trying to understand what had just happened.