#i should buy it next week
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I don't know *when* exactly I'm going to buy this new laptop but in any case I still have some drawings to post so we should be good for at least a couple of weeks 🥲👍
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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bc i am Insane and i need some sort of counter i am going to be More Annoying Than Usual once a day for the next two-ish weeks so--
✨️11 DAYS UNTIL I CAN PLAY BALDUR'S GATE✨️
#pidge speaks#tower should be here by wednesday but i cant get my keyboard/monitor picked up until the following week#so on the 16th my friend is gonna take me to best buy to pick them up#and then i am going to spend the next two days off work Losing My Fucking Mind
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Hi, long time follower. I just wanted to say that with only 4 days till the your artbook is shipped to me, I'm so excited!
Awesome, I hope you like it! I love this art so much, and it's great/surreal to see it all actually in print in 2023, haha
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oh my god I need to order food for Sammy asap but my bank account is VERY sad. Can the month be over already. So much anxiety 😵🥵
#random stuff#sam the papillon#I had to increase his portions because he was getting to thin#no idea how to keep that up in the long run 😖#wet food is SO expensive#and while this isn't even the most expensive stuff#I can't just feed him trash because he's pretty sensitive about food orz#ideally he should be getting raw but I can't do that for several reasons 💔#not fun#once all the positions have been booked I'll have less than 50€ left ahahaha#and once I've paid my part for the house it's only 15€ 🙈#I guess no groceries for me next week 😂#this is scary as hell lol#technically I also need to buy food for Bats but I hope what I've got left lasts until I get my benefits#also cat litter#that one will be a stretch to last for the entire next week but nothing to be done at this point#thankfully Pukki is relatively resilient when it comes to her litter box 😅
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passed my oral exam yesterday and signed my contract as a teaching assistant/supply teacher today.
another oral exam & one more paper to go. i can see the finish line, and every step forward is another step i never have to take again - yeah!! 💙
#it also takes all my self-discipline not to treat myself with buying yet another concert ticket right now#i really should wait until next month when there's maybe more money#ughhhhh#i am also tired just from thinking about the next few weeks#but it'll be fine! i can do it!#personal
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hoppity patch notes.. slight upgrade
#i was at 11k 😭#i hate that im addicted to upgrading the employees bc it does not leave me enough funds to buy more things in the shop before i prestige#im at 7.6b/10b and the next accessory i need is 3b#i can either get it next level or save up and get it but wait a bit to prestige#but i feel like i should gun it for prestige ya know#but also buying things in the shop actually gives you more rabbits now...#augh. Strategy :(#tbh i'll probably just get distracted and forget to check in on them for a bit#hasnt happened yet but this is the most likely week for that to happen lmao#maybe i'll finally get back to ttyd#havent gotten very far yet bc it's a bit hard to pick up after work n stuff#since it's story heavy it's a bit of a chore to play when im exhausted and also need to go to bed early for work tomorrow#work isnt usually too bad but this last bit has been rough bc of corporate interference lmao#chat#sb
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avoidant tendencies whispering sweet reassurances in my ear like "you'll just wing it" or "put it off. there's pleny of time"
#cant even jinx anything anymore all i can do at this point is rly fuck up by not being prepared so#long story short im like moving to a new place in the next 2 weeks basically#(have never moved before <3 mentally checking out as soon as im not filling out paperwork <3)#and in fucking 3 weeks i have a flight to uk for julia's (yes we are on first name basis) book signing#(have never been been to uk <3 been on a plane literally once <3 dumb and will get lost before i even reach the airport <3)#ok feeling better now. i need to get through this and buy the green gay couch of my dreams etc#if im weirdly stressed abt hacks season finale more than a person reasonably should be. Do Not Worry
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series i’m gatekeeping from my family vs series i’m ✨ok✨ with my family knowing i’m into:
#‘why do you gatekeep hw from your irls?’ well. the thing is. i just ✨don’t want to✨#and. like. i’ve already led my family to believe that i bought bl manga when i was buying idol sengen at animate#so i think im already past the point of no return in that regard. so. um. yeah.#thank you village vanguard for the unexpected μ’s content in 2k24 you truly are yappa saikyou#i s w e a r falling back into my ll phase almost 10 whole years after i first got into it is unexpected tbh#compounded with the fact that i can now actually afford whatever im looking for. so. like. my wallet is in crisis lol#i had just reached my savings goal last month but now i’ve overspent bc i saw great deals on resold honoka-chan hoodies and i couldn’t help—#so now i have 2 identical hoodies lol. but i’ll keep one of them safe in its packaging bc im unwell like that ig#my merch whaling is out of control i s w e a r but my oshis are just too cute aaaaaaaaa#i probably should open another savings account instead… maybe that’d keep my spending under control…#b u t for now honoka-chan jersey im looking for you#tfw ur oshi is decently unpopular amongst the fans so hardly anyone resells her merch lmao#so ig the relatively fewer fellow fans she has are more dedicated to her than fans of other more popular characters lol#but at least her stuff (when resold) isn’t as overpriced as the actually popular members (birb and tomato)#so my wallet isn’t crying as hard as it could’ve been? ig? hunting for almost 10 year old merch is a pain fr though#either way. the grip idol series have on my wallet is truly insane#i wonder how many bags of chips i could’ve bought with the amount i’ve spent on hw and ll merch to date…#at least a thousand… i think. maybe even 2 thousand if my past gacha game whaling is taken into consideration…#…this is probably why it’s important to have a decent paying job ig.#oh well. at least i may be making b a n k this month with how much ot i’ve had to do this week so far…#i hope i won’t have to work till 5am again over the next 2 days… that had been a horrible experience.#help what am i even talking about anymore why am i having a life crisis right here and now u m.#anyways. dni if you dislike honoka-chan. thanks for coming to my crisis rant. see you when the last stage mv drops ig ok byeeeee
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im so annoyed with everything today, i think i need some tasty food and a million hours of sleep and then I'll be back to normal
#the teacher at the first class today was so dibsjdhdhdhdhsgs 😫#like she was teaching us things that are like unrelated to the class that shes teaching so idek why she was teaching it#but also its things that we have been learning since the 1st semester and we've done them in at least 10 classes and she was acting like#this was the 1st time we were hearing about it#like oh yeah we're on the 7th semester of studying nutrition but no one bothered to tell us how many calories are in a gram of fat#and she gave us homework 'to see if we know this' like#oh yes i can make a meal plan for a child with crohns or cystic fibrosis or celiac disease or everything else we've done this semester and#all the other semesters but i guess i cant tell you what micronutrients are in this one breakfast meal#like fuck off and stick to what you're supposed to be teaching#anyway i know im getting more annoyed than i should but she was just even more annoying than usual today#like she interrupted the lesson every 5 minutes to yell at someome to be quiet i wasnt even aware there were people talking until she yelled#anyway#also my new earphones aren't working well idk why ive definitely not been mistreating them that much for them to break in less than a month#like i had my old pair for at least 4 years until the broke and i dont think the wire got cut in them like the sound was coming out weird#but there was sound coming out. in the new ones you need to hold them in a very specific angle for sound to come out#and like im careful with how i put them away so what is up with them?#my theory is that they make wired earphones shitty on purpose so that you will spend a lot of money and buy wireless#also we had said from Tuesday that we would hang out with my friends today but i guess they forgot or idk and they made other plans#(to go home and sleep) and during the weekend the one friend wont be here and next week my family will be here so we probably wont hang out#again until next year and we have exams almost immediately so we wont be hanging out much then either#also my period is supposed to come soon and i hope that it will either come today or it will wait until after Christmas#ideally it will never come ever again but we cant always get what we want#anyway im gonna go eat the rest of my μεσογειακό and go take a nap#jo says stuff#personal ramblings
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gonna start posting shitty doodles as updates so i wont just go back to dying again. anywho this means an actual drawing will be on like. monday or tuesday or after. if you see me post before that then itll probably mean i actively didnt do something i was supposed to. whoops
#sho.sketches#<- new tag for shitty art#sho.scramblin#<- this is a tag for whenever i get rambly which. applies here i think#sho (sona)#anywho yeah#i should be finishing my assignment rn#so i can try n get sleep before goin to campus#since after class there'll be a seminar AND an evaluation meeting for a campus event i helped organize last week#which means ill get home like. late at night. oh boy!#im also kinda bummed bc i was gonna go to a con next week but bc of complications im. not going#like. i was really counting on it as a pick me up#like. i wanted to buy art prints damn it. and no i dont want to ask an acquaintance whos going there to buy them for me#part of it bc its not the same#partly bc i dont htink asking someone i barely know to buy me buff furry men art prints is. good optics for my social standing#<- closeted (in both ways)#anywho#see you on the flip side when have the time to draw beegee 3 fanart. ciao
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haven’t been on much bc my dog has been sick :( between seizures and an infected tooth we’ve been having a Time trying to get everything fixed (this started around the holidays so our vet has been very booked up…we have been like 3-4 times in the past 4-5 weeks OTL does not help it’s like an hour drive there, so that’s been exhausting) now his new seizure meds are making him sick (was hoping it was like, just an adjustment period thing but he’s been sick for a week and having concerning symptoms…) if I’m not on a ton or slow to replying to messages it’s bc I’m working as much overtime as my job will give me bc Vet Expensive and mentally drained obvi 😞
#it makes me a lil mad his meds were kinda pricy and they literally are making things worse. like sure he isn’t have seizures but he can#barely walk and keeps running into things and keeps having diarrhea so like. 🙃 and the meds are making him sooo hungry and thirsty#I’m seeing the vet AGAIN FRIDAY I know she’s so sick of me but man my little guy. if she can’t figure out a combo that doesn’t have such#bad side effects I’m literally going to scream and cry#he’s the most sensitive boy in the world and my mental health hangs on his and my cats well being. please. 😭#sanchoyorambles#I’ve also called them like twice to find out if I should stop or what they want me to do and keep getting ‘oh they’ll call u back’ WHEN#GIRL MY PUBBY#if I don’t hear back before his next dose I’m just gonna make an executive decision myself to stop them for now#he’s literally on the smallest possible dose too bc he’s so little. so. they can’t go down in dosage they’ll need to put him on smth else 😑#which means paying for ANOTHER PRESCRIPTION A WEEK AFTER ALREASY GETTING ONE THAT WAS $30 ON TOP OF HIS STUPID VET BILL#screaming.#and like if I have the money it’s fine. and it’s not like the vet could’ve known he’d have bad side effects#im just frustrated it’s no one’s fault#I could go to a closer vet. the thing is I LIKE the one further away#they have the only groomer I’ve found that can trim him without sedating him! they send me reminders abt his shots! I like the vibes!!!#they seem caring!! but they are always SOOO BUSY it takes forever to make appointments or to hear back from them 😭#remember how I said one of my goals was to buy a vechicle this year lmao the vet bills are draining any savings I’ve managed to build up 🤧#my pets are priority 1 tho like even before all the medical stuff /I/ need like lol… that’s my baby#it’s just really bad timing. not that there’s good timing for medical issues but. u know
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Talking to [leftist/socialist/progressive/whatever] white people as a brown girl is always an experience
#🐈⬛⚜️#A couple weeks back I was stopped by these uni students who were promoting a convention and advocating for Palestine#I was really sad and tired then so I was like sure. let's chat#I signed a petition and began talking to these 2 girls#One was a white girl. the other wasn't. could not pinpoint her background though#Anyways. we talked about the state of the world and Palestine and how the US and by extension the Western World has failed them#(which is a topic of its own because the Western World did not 'fail Palestine' they literally wanted this annihilation to happen#and have been an active participant in it)#And I pointed how ultra rich Arab countries have completely turned a blind eye to it but poorer countries such as Yemen. Lebanon have#been doing so much. despite their own vulnerable position#And this girl said but they're still not doing enough. they could lend military help#I was just disappointed because it doesn't take more than 15 seconds to realise why a regional war is not the solution#By virtue of wanting justice. I would want the IOF to be blown up too but that's not the solution#simply because the casualties will be the civilians of all of these countries and we cannot put millions of people at risk#And she kept telling me about how they're a socialist group. and she was also kind of taken aback by how much thoughts I had about this?#They're having a convention on Socialism and co (social issues. Marxism and all that jazz) next month and that I should consider cominv#Then she hit me with 'The entry is only $90' and there's a student bundle where you can get a book and a tote bag#Honestly funny as shit#And she kept insisting I should buy the book. it was 'Introduction to Marxism' I believe#I did not know how to tell her that I did not want to read that. and even if I did I would just pirate the Communist Manifesto#Anyways. interesting experience and it did make me focus back on how different Brown Leftists and white leftists are#I like to give them grace because it's hard to know context and history and social rules about somewhere you haven't lived or grown up#But I do believe if you're advocating for another group of people. you need to learn and understand first and foremost#I actually don't know what to make of that whole interaction tbh
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It's my last day in Ireland already 🥹
#misc#it's always so short#didn't have time to do everything I wanted 😭😭😭😭#also this time had a shit night#first I had the stupid idea to drink lot of coffee yesterday#so i was hot and anxious instead of sleeping#also i was already stressing for the trip to the airport#and there was a big ass wind storm that kept me awake#apparently this did not bother everyone cause i heard some people were outside at that time????#and tonight i ain't gonna sleep#cause my bus is at like around 4am#which mean i will wake up at 2#so yeah#is it really worth it to go to sleep at all???#im gonna enjoy the last day#plus i also need to buy my mom a gift#not to worry i still have one week of holidays#i should be able to go to pays basque at least one day next week
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i have Concerns about whether i am managing the correct balance of hatred and lust in this chapter of hatesex. oh no, what if i get it wrong. what if i DISAPPOINT or ENRAGE the reader.
#a slightly more srs concern is whether the reader gets how 'enemies' i think enemies-to-lovers fic should be?#LBR most for most ships E2L AUs have them as like. rival bakers who play inconvenient yet inconsequential pranks on each other.#this one's more “i hope you fucking DIE. but we can have sex before that. if we really must. PS: I HATE YOU.”#might finish this chapter today that'd buy me another week or so to finish the next part.#which is more hatesex btw. oh no what have i got myself into here.#The Sylki Arranged Marriage AU
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Hahaha. Gold candle.
#i'm running out. i need to go buy more but the kickstarter...#at least i should have enough money for more candles next week; when i'll Really need them
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