#i should be good since my period was normal but idk

[actual-corpse]

Got a muh fucken TV mote on my phone.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

Cramps

Summary: After going off of birth control, your periods have been a little more intense than you're used to. What starts out as a stressful morning between you and your husband, very quickly turns into a night that bodes very well for the both of you.

Paring: Husband Frankie Morales x Wife f!reader (no use of y/n)

Word Count: 5.4K on the dot (idk how we got here)

Warnings: SMUT (18+) PERIOD SEX, unprotected p in v sex (do better, but also they want a baby so), vaginal fingering, oral (f receiving, again, you're on your period but our pussy eating king Fransisco Morales is an unstoppable force of nature), creampie, praise kink, big fat nasty breeding kink (it's who I am now, I won't apologize for it), Frankie's got a NASTY mouth, Frankie is the best husband, reader is on her period/has period symptoms, talks about family planning/not being on birth control, use of nicknames (hermosa, quierda, cariño), reader has no physical descriptions besides that she can wear Frankie's clothes

A/N: Well... This was gonna be a drabble... and then it was just gonna be fluff.... and then it was gonna be just some implied smut... and now, we're here??? Idk, don't ask me 🥴 self indulgent bc I just finished my period (and my periods have been whack since stopping bc) and what better way to heal myself than imagining what Frankie would be like taking care of you 🥺 also pls be nice to me this is my first time writing Frankie and I'm v nervous EEK I hope you enjoy!!! sorry Javi bby, I still love u

Bitchy. 

You wished you had a better word to describe your mood for today, but truth be told, bitchy was by far the most accurate. 

You and Frankie were hoping to start trying for your first baby soon, and had recently gone off your birth control after your doctor had told you it may take a few months for your body to regulate itself before you had a better chance at getting pregnant. Your doctor had also  warned you about many of the symptoms and side effects that stopping the pill could have, one of those being becoming more aware of your emotions and mood swings throughout your cycle. That, you were prepared for. 

What you were not prepared for, was to feel like an absolute psychopath in the days leading up to your period. 

 Your cycle had  been wonky the past few months as your body began to sort itself out- you had a feeling your period was probably about to start soon, but hadn’t thought much about it, considering your terrible and grouchy mood had overshadowed it. You had tried your best to pull yourself together the past few days, chalking up your grumpiness to long hours at work, or just being in a weird funk, but today, you woke up with a fire in your gut, ready to fight, and poor Frankie was about to be your punching bag. 

Sweet Frankie had been nothing short of a saint when it came to just about anything, but dealing with your newly heightened emotions right before your period really should have earned him some sort of Presidential Medal of Bravery, considering that your newly discovered highs and lows while PMS-ing were just as frightening as any time he had spent during his time in the military. 

Unfortunately for your husband, despite his best efforts, he had been on your nerves all morning. Not because he was really doing anything wrong, but because the little things that you were normally so good about letting go, or the patience you frequently had seemed to have flown out the window, and you were convinced that if Frankie even breathed the wrong way, you were going to absolutely lose it. 

So when unsuspecting Frankie decided to ask you a simple request about after work plans, there was very little he could have done to prepare for your response. 

“Morning, Hermosa.” Frankie cooed, emerging into the kitchen, his hand rustling through his untamed, sleepy brown curls as he let out a yawn and a stretch, the slight softness of his stomach peeking out between his t-shirt and pajama pants as he raised his arms above his head before settling behind you. He wrapped himself around your waist, pressing a gentle kiss into your shoulder as you finished putting the last of your lunch in your bag for work, trying to force yourself to focus on his sweet good morning, rather than the empty bowl of cereal in the sink that had greeted you first thing when you woke up, already starting you off on the wrong foot in your already irritable mood. 

“Morning, babe.” You grinned, forcing yourself to forgo the annoyance hidden behind your smile as you pecked a quick kiss on Frankie’s lips before gathering the rest of your things for the day scattered across the kitchen table. “Sorry, I didn’t have time to make you breakfast this morning because I was running late, but there’s extra scrambled eggs on the stove if you want them. I’m really sorry, Frankie, I gotta head out, have a good day, I’ll see you later okay?” You sighed, slinging your work bag over your shoulder, your hands full of your coffee mug, water bottle and keys, your cluttered grip and running behind schedule only adding to your frustration. 

“All good, Querida, no worries. Hey, actually baby, before you leave,” He paused, setting down the coffee mug he was just about ready to take a sip of, as if a little lightbulb had just gone off in his brain, “do you mind picking up stuff to make that really good buffalo chicken dip for Benny’s tonight? I told ‘em we’d bring like, an appetizer or something, if that’s okay.” 

For Frankie’s sake, you couldn’t have been more thankful that you had your back turned to him, because if looks could kill, Frankie Morales would have been a dead man. 

Every rational part of your brain knew that even though his request perhaps wasn’t the best timing, stopping by the store and making dip to bring to Benny’s for game night really wasn’t that much time or effort out of your day. But today, it seemed like every part of your brain but the rational one seemed to be functioning properly, and the raging, irrational part might as well have heard that Frankie wanted you to prepare and cook a Thanksgiving meal for 74 after you got home from work. 

You took a deep breath, your grip tightening around the items in your hand, praying with every bone in your body that someway or another, you had misheard your husband. 

“Tonight? As in, like, today, after I get home from work?” You questioned, trying to do your best to keep your tone from sounding too condescending. 

“Yeah, we don’t have to be there until 7, I just don’t think I’m gonna have time to since I probably won’t be outta work until 6:30.” He shrugged nonchalantly, taking another swig of his coffee 

Oh yeah, you’d heard him right.  

You let out a deep sigh, even more over dramatic than you had intended it to be, arms crossed over your chest and stark frown spread across your face as you turned towards Frankie. 

“Oh, perfect! That’s a great thing for me to find out about at 7:45 A.M. the day of, Frank!” Your voice oozed with ferocious sarcasm, now slamming your things back down onto the table to run your hands over your face. “No, that’s great, because there’s nothing I wanted to do more than to come home and make buffalo chicken dip instead of all the other shit I needed to do today before we left! Amazing! Thank you!” 

At this point, you were almost positive that if your eyes rolled any further, they’d be in the back of your skull, letting out another angry huff as you shook your head at Frankie, who was looking absolutely petrified as he leaned back against the counter, eyes darting to the floor to avoid yours, running his hand over the wispy curls at the nape of his neck. Frankie began to stammer, trying to defend himself from your wrath. 

“Hermosa, I’m- I’m sorry? I know it’s last minute, but you normally make it every time we go over there, I just- I figured it’d be easy for you to do? You can get something else, or I can try to stop by the store really quick on the way home, I just might-” 

“Nope, you want buffalo chicken dip, apparently I’m making buffalo chicken dip!” You groaned, collecting everything back into your hands, swearing under your breath as you tried to balance everything in your grip. “Jesus, okay, I need to go to work, just- I don’t even know. I gotta go, Frankie.” 

“Querida, I-” Frankie pleaded, beginning to trail behind you as you made your way to the front door. 

“Frankie, whatever, it’s fine! I’ll make the stupid dip! I have to go to work, I’ll see you later.” You could feel the muscles in your jaw beginning to clench as you gritted your teeth, trying with everything in you to keep from exploding as you headed out of the house. Without even a kiss goodbye, you left Frankie in the doorway, watching you throw your things in the car and slam the door behind you as you drove down the driveway. 

But as soon as you were on the road and your house was out of view, you could instantly feel the tears beginning to well in your eyes, slowly streaming down your cheeks as you began to sob, wondering why you had ruined the morning over as stupid as an appetizer, and even worse, that you had been a complete asshole to your husband about it. 

You couldn’t have been more thankful that work had been quiet today- no meetings on the schedule, and no one coming to bother you, leaving you plenty of peace and quiet to continue sulking and brooding in your unpleasant mood. 

Right around lunch time, you found yourself eating alone in your office, wishing your lunch was about ten times saltier and chocolatier than it was, crying to yourself as you watched a video of a dog meeting its new human sibling for the first time.

Just as you were beginning to pack up the rest of your lunch and start back up with your work, you felt a terrible twinge in your lower stomach that had you just about keeled over in pain, followed by that all too familiar feeling in your underwear. 

Frantically scrambling, you reached into your bag to pull out a tampon, hurriedly shuffling to the nearest bathroom, only to reveal the murder scene equivalent as you pulled down your pants. 

Your period had come.  

In that moment, as much as you were dreading the pain and misery that was the next few days to come, you couldn’t also help but feel a slight sense of relief, realizing that you were in fact, not actually a crazy person for the way you were feeling, you were just PMS-ing out of your mind. You couldn’t also help but feel absolutely awful for your unjustified freak out at your husband this morning, your heart sinking with guilt as you made your way back to your desk, immediately grabbing your phone to text Frankie. 

“Hey… I’m so sorry about this morning. What you were asking me to do wasn’t a big deal at all and I totally freaked out on you. My period just started, I think that’s why I’ve been such a bitch this morning. I’m sorry, Frankie, I love you.💕 ” 

It was almost instantly after you hit send that the reply bubble popped up in your message, your heart pounding anxiously waiting for your husband’s reply. 

“It’s okay, I kind of had a feeling 😉 babe, you weren’t being a bitch- I should have talked to you about it sooner. Shitty timing on my part. I’m sorry. I love you too, Querida.” 

Before you could even respond, another message popped up below his first. 

“Don’t worry about going to the store or making anything tonight. I already texted Benny and told him we couldn’t come. We can spend the night in, just the two of us. I can pick up takeout on the way home if you want and we can pick a movie to watch.” 

You could feel your frustrated facade beginning to melt away as your lips shifted from a pursed frown to a small smirk reading Frankie’s text, your thumbs quickly tapping across the screen of your phone to reply. 

“Thank you. You’re the best.” 

“Of course. Hopefully none of your co-workers ask you to make buffalo chicken dip before you leave 😘” 

“Oh shut up, meanie.” 

“Just kidding. Have a good rest of your day, love you. 💙

“Love you too. 🤍” 

Although the rest of your day was nowhere near enjoyable, given the fact you felt like you were getting punched repeatedly in the uterus and your personality resembled that of Oscar the Grouch, you knew that your night in with Frankie was your light at the end of the tunnel, and only needed to make it a few more hours before there was at least some sweet relief finally headed your way. 

Despite the constant stabbing pain in your lower stomach and back, your drive home from work had you in much better spirits than your drive there, now not only having an explanation as to why you had felt like such a mess, but also knowing the rest of your night was going to be dedicated to nothing but cuddling up in your comfiest clothes and snuggling up next to Frankie on the couch. 

As you pulled down your street, you were surprised to see Frankie’s truck already parked in the driveway, wondering what he was doing at home almost an hour earlier than he had mentioned he would be this morning. Gathering all of your things out of the back of your car, you quietly entered your home, confusion scrunching in your brow as you called out for your husband. 

“Frankie? Babe, are you home?” 

Before you could even kick off your shoes or hang up your coat, Frankie had already appeared at the front door to greet you, boyish grin spread across his face as he grabbed your things out of your hand, carefully placing them on your entryway table before engulfing you in a bear hug, his broad arms wrapping around your body and pulling you closer into his chest. 

You could feel all the muscles in your body instantly relax as your face rested against the soft cotton of his t-shirt, soaking in the familiar woody and savory scent of him, letting yourself be consumed by every ounce of his embrace. 

“Hi Hermosa.” Frankie cooed, pressing a soft kiss against your temple, running his hands up and down your back as you looked up at his sweet brown eyes shining down at you. 

“What are you doing home so early? I mean, not that I’m mad about it at all, I just thought you said that you had to work until 6:30 and-” 

“Told my boss I had to head out early for a family emergency.” Frankie smirked, laughing at you playfully rolling your eyes from his so-called excuse. 

“Last time I checked, your wife being a grump because she’s bleeding out of her cooch doesn’t classify as a family emergency, Fransisco.” You teased, giving him a little shove, making the two of you giggle in tandem. 

“Eh, close enough. I’m really sorry about this morning, querida. I was a dick for not talking to you about plans beforehand and just assuming you could go do it. It wasn’t fair of me.” 

“It’s okay, Frankie. What you were asking for wasn’t a big deal and I made it one because I’ve been a psycho all day. I’m sorry, too.” 

“Well,” Frankie paused, pressing another kiss onto your cheek, the width of his palm gently cradling your jaw as you stared up at him and his sympathetic smile, “number one, you are not a psycho. I can’t imagine how uncomfortable you must feel right now, so even if you were, I wouldn’t blame you one bit. Number two,” he paused again, shifting his kiss from your cheek to your lips, his thumb delicately swiping across your skin, “you’re my wife and I love you more than anything, and if I can take a little time off to help make you feel better, it’s the least I can do. So, why don’t you go change into something comfortable, and when you get back down here, I will have pizza and ice cream, whatever movie you wanna watch, and a back rub ready for you, okay?”   

“Okay. Thank you, Frankie. God, you’re the best.” You grinned, pressing up on your tiptoes to let your mouth meet Frankie’s, the plush pout of his bottom lip swiping across yours, lingering just long enough to let the butterflies in your stomach begin to swirl, heat creeping through your cheeks in the tenderness of the moment.

“Of course, cariño. Te amo. Now go get changed.” With one last peck on his lips, you wiggled out of Frankie’s grasp to make your way up the stairs, grinning to see that your husband had already set out your favorite of his oversized sweatshirts and sweatpants, neatly folded on the bed for you to grab, quickly shuffling out of your uncomfortable work attire and exchanging it for Frankie’s clothes, your smile growing even wider at the feeling of perpetually being wrapped up in the essence of him. 

As you made your way back downstairs to meet Frankie, you found your heart skipping a beat again to see that the better part of the living room had been turned into a cozy sanctuary- lights dim and candles lit, both parts of your couch squished together, filled with every pillow and blanket you owned, and Frankie sitting in the middle, giant box of pizza, tub of ice cream and your handsome husband waiting for you. 

As if your emotions hadn’t already taken you on a wild roller coaster of a ride today, the adorable sight in front of you had you on the verge of tears again, wiping the wetness pooling in your eyes with the back of Frankie’s sweatshirt sleeve drooping off your arm before crawling into the blanket fort he had constructed for the two of you. 

“Frankie… You didn’t have to do this.” You sniffled, curling up next to Frankie as he draped a blanket over your lap and his arm over your shoulder, passing you a plate with 2 large pieces of pizza. 

“It’s the least I could do. I put on Hercules for us to watch, but if you wanna-” 

Before you could let him finish the rest of his sentence, you were running your hand across the scratchy stubble of his cheek, pulling his face closer to yours as you planted a kiss on his lips, feeling your smiles melt into one another's as your mouths met. “That sounds perfect. God, how’d I get so lucky?” 

“I could say the same thing, mi amor. You ready to start the movie?” 

“Only if you also pass me that tub of Ben and Jerry’s to go with my pizza.” 

“I think I can make that happen.” 

About half way through the movie, pizza and tub of chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, your and Frankie’s bodies were tangled together in a sea of limbs and blankets, contently snuggled up with one another as Frankie’s fingers traced lazy circles on your back and shoulder as you laid against his chest. 

“You doin’ okay, querida? Need anything?” He cooed, his soft voice dancing in your ear. As if it weren’t enough that you had already been through the extreme highs and lows of almost every feeling under the sun today, the one you hadn’t been until this very moment was insatiably horny. While the mood swings you had mentally prepared yourself for with your new period symptoms, the constant other kind of ache between your legs you had not, and feeling the low rasp of Frankie’s words tickling your neck had been just enough to flip the switch to make you desperately needy. 

Letting your leg slide over Frankie’s lap, you pushed yourself up to straddle his hips, running your hands through the dark curls of his thick, brown hair, and down his broad chest, your fists bunching the worn fabric of his shirt in your hands as your mouths became a mess of tangled tongues and teeth. 

“I need- fuck- I need you, Frankie, please.” You pleaded between muffled moans, his tongue swiping in the parted space where your lips melted together as one, instinctively beginning to grind your hips into his, feeling the bulge in his sweatpants starting to grow beneath you. 

“Fuck- You sure, baby?” Frankie rasped, reactively bucking up into you, making you whine as his hands dug into your hips, guiding you as you swirled over the tented fabric of his bottom half rubbing against your covered core. 

“Please. Please, Frankie.” You were all but whimpering at this point, nodding frantically in approval as Frankie used the grasp on your hips to guide you onto your back, making you cock your head in confusion as Frankie scampered to the other side of the couch, back turned to you as he reached over the ledge, pulling out a thick, black towel with a smug grin on his face. “Did you seriously have a towel ready incase I wanted to have sex?” You snorted, shaking your head at Frankie, now crawling back to you, caging your body under his with an electric kiss as he shimmied the towel underneath you. 

“Maybe.” Frankie smirked, breaking from your kiss to let his lips trail down your body, his hands toying with the edge of his sweatshirt covering your body as he pushed it up your stomach and chest, helping you to shimmy it over your head, leaving your top half exposed. He gently palmed at your breasts, taking each pebbled nipple in his mouth, sucking and flicking at the buds with his tongue before letting his kisses travel down the soft skin of your stomach and waistband of your sweatpants. The clothes on your bottom half soon joined your sweatshirt in a crumpled pile as Frankie nestled himself between your legs, gently nudging your hips to let your thighs part, revealing your pussy, slick and shiny for him with your juices. 

Even though Frankie would eat you out for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a late night snack, you couldn’t help but feel guilty that he still found himself between your legs during your time of the month, considering any other man probably would have scoffed at just the thought of going down on you on your period. 

But, then again, Frankie Morales wasn’t just any other man. 

“Frankie, baby, you know you don’t- Oh fuck!” You gasped, cut off in surprise as Frankie’s tongue licked a long, broad strip across your cunt, making you shudder in pleasure as his head perked up, revealing the devilish grin spread between his cheeks watching your chest already heave in heavy, shaky breaths. 

“Oh I know I don’t have to, sweet girl. But I want to. Relax, baby, lemme take care of you.” 

Before you could agree, protest, or anything in between, Frankie was back between your legs, arms wrapped around your thighs as they draped over his broad shoulders, digging his fingertips into the plush softness of your skin, dragging his tongue through your folds with the exact grace and precision that he knew made you fall apart in seconds. 

With flat, firm presses of his mouth latched against your clit, you could already feel your bottom half writhing under him, the perfect pressure of his tongue dancing around your sensitive bundle of nerves making you moan in pleasure. As your head dipped back, falling into the couch pillow behind you, your hand shot down, fingers burying themselves in the wild curls of Frankie’s hair, tugging at the thick ends for any sort of release as he worked relentlessly at your aching cunt. 

“Fuck, Frankie, oh fuck- Fuck, baby, you feel so good.” You whined, your praise only intensifying the way your husband drank every ounce of you up, two thick fingers now gently pressing inside your heat, curled deliciously as they rocked in and out of your entrance, nudging against your g-spot. 

Frankie had spent enough time worshiping the altar that was your pussy to know exactly how to make you crumble beneath him, leaving you chanting his name like a prayer as his lips latched around your clit, ferociously sucking as his fingers prodded at the soft, spongy spot that made your cunt begin to clench and heat in your belly pool. 

“That’s it, Hermosa. I know you’re close, baby girl. Let me feel you, mi amor. I’ve got you.” Frankie groaned, his words humming deep in his chest, placing chaste kisses on the inside of your thighs before drinking you up like a man starved, adding a third finger into your heat, the added fullness and stretch, combined with Frankie’s relentless pace, enough to have the tingle that had been building at the base of your spine now washing through every inch of your body. Your orgasm began to crash through you, your pussy fluttering as pleasure radiated in your veins, making you cry out Frankie’s name over and over. 

Frankie worked persistently through your high, only pulling back after making sure that you had cum again, sitting back on his haunches as he admired the blissed out and ragged mess you had become, your pussy slick and swollen as your chest rose and fell in wrecked inhales and exhales, trying to compose yourself from the Frankie and fucked you senseless with just his tongue. 

Wiping the slick and juices glistening in his mustache with the back of his hand, Frankie tugged the sweatshirt covering his own body over his head, followed by his pants and boxers, freeing his painfully hard cock as it slapped against his stomach, his tip red and leaking with precum as his broad body loomed over yours, sucking and nipping at your pulse point as you whimpered his name. 

“Frankie, holy fuck.” 

“Such a good girl for me, querida. You still want me to fuck you, baby?” He mewled, the metallic and tangy taste of you still lingering on his tongue as he kissed you, laughing to himself at the way you found yourself frantically nodding your head to tell him yes before your words could. 

“Jesus Christ, yes. Fuck, please Frankie, I need to feel you.” 

Reaching down to stroke himself, he lined his cock up with your entrance, easily sliding into your heat and brushing his tip against your cervix, taking a moment to let you adjust to his fullness. The whine you let out as Frankie filled every inch of you was nothing short of ragged, digging your nails into the skin of his broad back as he ever so slowly began to thrust in and out of you, dragging his length against the slick of your cunt. 

“Oh fuck me- Fuck, you hear how wet you are for me, sweet girl? This what you needed, baby? To fill up that pretty little pussy of yours?” Frankie groaned, letting his forehead rest against yours, his sweaty curls now starting to stick to his skin as he pounded into you, rutting his hips at a faster and faster pace. 

“It’s all for you, Frankie- Oh shit- only for you.” You moaned, your fingers wrapping around the width of his biceps, flexing deliciously as he hovered over you, sucking you in to a long, deep kiss, fucking into you over and over. 

Even with the years between you and the ring on your finger, the possessive part of Frankie’s brain would never get over how the primal and all consuming feeling of knowing you were his, forever, your words shooting straight to his dick as a low groan rumbled in his chest, silently cursing to himself through gritted teeth, watching you fall apart below him. 

Readjusting himself, Frankie sat back on his heels, hooking his arm under one of your legs to drape it over his shoulder, the new angle stretching you out in a way that had you seeing stars as Frankie rammed into your g-spot and began thumbing at your clit, still swollen and sensitive from your first orgasm. You could already feel the heat beginning to bloom in your belly once again, your leg beginning to tremble hoisted over Frankie’s shoulder as he dug into the meat of your thigh with a bruising intensity. 

Just like he would never get over the fact of knowing you were his, Frankie would never get over watching you begin to crumble under his touch, taking the time to memorize every twitch and twinge your body made as you came closer and closer to your end, always savoring in the moaning mess you’d become as you fell apart around him. 

“Fuck, Frankie, Fuck, oh my god- I’m close, baby.” You were all but rambling at this point, your brain barley stringing together coherent sentences as you felt your cunt beginning to clench around his cock, the lewd noises of your moans, wetness and skin slapping together as your hips met filling the room at a borderline pornagraphic rate. 

“Meirda, I’m not gonna last much longer, hermosa. Fuck, where do you want me, baby?” Frankie growled through gritted teeth, his eyes locking on yours and telling him everything he needed to know without you saying a word. 

“Inside. Fuck, please Frankie, I want you to cum inside me.” 

Your confirmation was all it took to flip the switch in Frankie that sent him absolutely feral, the thought of being able to actually knock you up now that you weren’t on birth control anymore, giving you a baby, proving another way to the world to mark you as his? The thought alone was enough to have him bracing every bone in his body to keep him from cuming right then and there. 

“Fuck me. You want me to fill you up, querida? Fuck me full of you? Fuck a baby into you? That's what you want, huh?” Frankie moaned, grunting with each thrust of his hips, his rhythm becoming more frantic and shaky as he felt your pussy begin to flutter around him, pressing the pads of his fingers against your clit, swirling them in frantic circles to make sure you came before he did. 

“Fuck, yes. I need you too, holy fuck- wanna make you a daddy, Fransisco.” 

You could feel the tightly wound knot in your core starting to snap, your legs trembling and breath shaking as Frankie fucked into you, finding yourself on the verge of collapse- but not before Frankie’s filthy mouth got the last word in. 

“Jesus, fuck- Fuck, hermosa. That’s what you want, pretty girl? I swear, I’m gonna fuck myself so deep into you it’ll fucking take. Get you fucking pregnant tonight.” 

That was all it took to have you orgasm come crashing through you, every inch of your body radiating with pleasure as you came, crying out Frankie’s name as you gushed around him, your eyes practically rolling to the back of your head, your mind going blank and numb, the only thing grounding you were the incoherent ramblings of your husband as he followed suit behind you. 

“Fuck, that’s it, baby. Fuck, I’m gonna cum too, fuck, fuck-ahhhhhh.” With one final thrust, Frankie could feel himself spilling against your walls, coating you with his spend as his cock pulsed, making sure he milked himself of every last drop deep inside your cunt before even thinking about pulling out. Moving your leg, Frankie slumped into you, splaying himself across your body as your chests rose and fell in sync, laying in silence as you let your breathing steady, coming back down to Earth from your high. 

With a shallow grunt, Frankie carefully pulled his softening cock out of your heat, leaning back to admire the mess he had made between your legs, his cum dripping down the inside of your thighs and pussy glistening with the mixture of your arousal. You let out a soft hiss at the loss of Frankie’s fullness inside you, only to quickly be replaced by a gasp as he buried his two fingers back into your cunt.  

“Gotta make sure every last drop stays in there, hermosa. Gonna keep you full of me all night, baby.” He mewled, carefully gathering his spend and pushing it deep inside you, making you whimper as he slowly pulsed his fingers back and forth, pulling away his hand to lean back into your body, engulfing you with an electric kiss. 

“Holy fuck, fuck me. Jesus, Frankie.” You laughed to yourself, your head dipping back on the pillow as you buried your face in your hands, at a loss for words at how euphoric you now felt in your post colital bliss. 

“Wow, again, already? Gotta give me a few after that querida.” He smirked, making you roll your eyes at his joke as you playfully swatted at him, making him lean in to pepper your body with kisses, leaving you squealing and squirming in delight. 

“You are absolutely ridiculous, Fransisco Morales. If you keep fucking me like that, then yeah, absolutley.” 

“If I keep fucking you like this, I have a very hopeful feeling that next month, we’ll have something else to care about besides period cramps.”

“I swear to god, if one of my cravings ends up being buffalo chicken dip once I’m pregnant, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Taglist:

@bloodyinspirationaldemon @vee-bees-blog @jaciejay13 @poodlebae @gobaaby-blog-blog @lola8888673 @persephone-girl @copperhalfcent @innerpersonunknown @messinadresss @devineconjuring @endlessthxxghts @cool-iguana @rhoorl @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine @theorganasolo @endlessthxxghts @messinadress @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled @amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @ilovepedro @pascalscoffin @missladym1981 @munson-hargrove-barnes86 @angel98624 @anoverwhelmingdin @pimosworld @nandan11 @iloveenya @survivingandenduring

[xqueen-of-disasterx]

Idk if you’re taking requests, but if you are could you do one where dads friend Nat accidentally gets R pregnant?

(Un)pleasant surprise

Paring: Innocent!reader × dads!friend!Nat

Summery: You looked lonely Natasha could fix that

Warnings: SMUT (minor), Angst, hurt comfort?, a bit of fluff at the end, open ending, age gap (legal), g!p Nat, unprotected sex, mean Nat,

Word count: 1.3k

!Disclaimer English is not my first language so please excuse any grammar or spelling errors. This story is completely fictional!

Masterlist Part 2

ꕀꕀ ─── ⋆⋅ ✨🌞✨ ⋅⋆─── ꕀꕀ

“Ngh~ Fuck~ Natty” you managed to moan out as Natashas hips kept slamming against your buttocks filling the room with the sound of your wet skin slapping against each other. I could make out some distinct groans from Natasha she was holding her release back as best as she could. “Fuck no matter how many times I fill your slutty hole up your still tight” she groaned I could only nod my head hidden away in the soft pillowcase in front of me. Her grip on my hips was hard I’m sure it left bruises one hand kept me in place as the other one sneaked around to my core finding my neglected clit without a problem. Her fingers rubbed tight circles on my slippery clit as she kept on pounding me from the back making me arch my back with a desperate cry.

“You’re such a slut letting me play with your stupid cunny” she groaned her past fastened as she hit that special spot inside of me no body else could reach. “Natty I’m gonna cum” you managed to whine out. “Fuck baby cum~ Ngh~ cum with me” She moaned out her thigh muscles tightening as she released with me. Hot cum shooting inside of my womb. Natasha was never a big fan of condoms she said it would destroy the feeling of my walls. At the beginning she still pulled out but it didn’t take a week her to get me on birth control. She had mentioned multiple times that having a child just isn’t in her live plans. Even though it hurt you greatly this was only a summer fling for the older woman. “You did so good my bunny” she whisper in my ear smoothing over the reddened skin of my buttocks.

~

It’s been 3 weeks since that night most of the following looked similar. Natasha sneaking into my room and fucking me into the mattress but somehow after the high was over it left me more empty then to begin with. Knowing that I wasn’t more than a fling to the redhead hurt more than it should’ve. After she finished inside of you and cleaned you up you wished she’d stay the whole night and not just a few moments. You woke up to empty bed the spot behind you were Natasha had laid last night was cold. Her body warmth long forgotten. You did your normal morning routine with a dad feeling in the deep pits of your stomach. Your period was now a week overdue nothing unusual you thought. It happened before countless times but back then you didn’t have someone breed you very night.

The way to the drugstore felt painfully long. You didn’t tell Natasha about your suspicion being too afraid of her reaction. To be honest you didn’t tell anyone how could you ever explain this mess of a situationship to a friend let alone your father? As you bought the pregnancy test the cashier gave you a look of pity at your young age. You felt extremely ashamed just by the thought having to tell your father that his friend, a trusted one, had had an affair with his dear innocent daughter. Let alone telling him that the both of you had been to careless to use proper protection.

Coming back to an empty home you waited patiently until the test was through. Your foot tipped impatiently on the hard tiles of the bathroom floor. Your back pressed against the wall while trying to distract yourself on your phone mindlessly scrolling through instagram. The timer went off after those painful minutes your hands shaking as you reached out for it. As you saw the results you weren’t sure if you should cry or laugh. You were in fact pregnant. You felt helpless, like a child, not knowing how to handle a situation like that.

~

“Wanna go cycling” Natasha offered walking into your bedroom just coming back from her jogging round. “Didn’t you just run 15 miles” Your ask closing my book and turning onto your back. You try to hide my fear. “Well… yes but that won’t stop me from spending time with my favorite girl“ she spoke falling onto the soft cushion of the bed right next to you. You only hummed looking in the opposite direction as You tried to not break out in tears. Telling her would destroy our fling. You knew that I couldn’t be the mother to her child even though you dearly wished you could. Her large hand grabbed yours. intertwining our fingers before kissing it lightly. Her kisses travelled up your exposed arm right up to your shoulder. “What’s going on in your pretty little head” she whispered in your ear making shivers run down your spine.

“Nothin’ I’m just thinking about how we only have a week left.” I know how she was looking at you but I didn’t meet her gaze. “I know and it hurts me just as much as it hurts you bunny” she sighed “however you will meet another woman, one your age, one who will all the things with you I’m too old for, one with whom you won’t get judged” Even though her words were true they hurt to hear. “I’ll go shower now” You nodded hearing how Natasha disappeared into the bathroom. It took about 10 minutes until you noticed that the pregnancy test was still on the bathroom counter however it was too late Natasha had found it first.

The bathroom door opened Natasha stepped into the room her jar clenched her gaze upset. “What’s the matter Natty” you asked in your sweetest voice “Don’t you dare Natty me right now! What the fuck is this” she held up the pregnancy test in her hands. I stayed silent biting even though a thousand words to explain it all flew through my head none seemed fitting. “Say something god damn it!”you had never seen the older woman so upset. “Natasha, I’m pregnant” your answer didn’t seem to smooth her anger “And when did you think it would’ve been a good time to tell me?!”

She paced around the room “I really wanted to tell you but I didn’t know how”you answered in a quiet voice “I can’t be a parent of this child” Natasha voice wasn’t warm and comforting as it was ten minutes ago; no it was cold and uncaring.

You’re eyes shot up to her utterly shocked by her words “W- What” “I can’t be a part of this childs life. I couldn’t look your father in the eyes ever again” she swallowed her trying to keep her cold facade up as she walked over to my door. “Natasha you are a damned coward. It’s just as much my child as it is yours! Can’t you see that?!” Your breath hitched “I thought you’d be a better woman. Just think about the child having to grow up with a single mother” Her jaw clenched as the grip on my doorknob tightened. “I won’t leave you. I can’t leave you” She turned back to you pulling you into a tight hug. “I’ll be there when you want to tell your father, when you go to the doctor for the first time, when you have terrible pregnancy cravings, when you give birth, when you don’t want to keep it I’ll be by your side, I would even run away with you without a doubt.” She whispered in your ear as you silently cried into her shoulder; hoping that this one time she’d keep her promise.

:)

[chaoswillcalmusdown]

we adjusted my medication two weeks ago so the doctor was like "you might still get one more period bc there might be an ovulation in progress, but after tHAt we should really see an end to the periods"

and now 2 weeks on. when i'm getting a slight increase in the menopause symptoms after they finally started petering out....... guess fucking why?

yep. winter is coming.✌🏽🤪

the frequency of the nausea that i'm getting with this endo treatment is so irritating

and the head and muscle aches just keep returning when i think they're finally over

aaand now i've had 2 days of fucking cramps. i've been taking estrogen blockers for nearly 3 months !!!!!!!! i should not be getting fucking cramps anymore !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[certifiedsexed]

hi there! this isn’t about sex itself, but since periods are usually a part of sex ed and i’ve literally just been woken up because the cramps were bad enough, i thought i would ask — is it normal to be in a lot of pain when you’re on your period?

context: i still live with my abusive parents, who don’t let me take any kind of pain medication after a suicide attempt at thirteen, so i know that this problem might just be that i need to take a strong painkiller. also the pain doesn’t ever last more than three days? like the first three days (and sometimes the days leading up to it) of my period are always hell but then it’s fine, i have no pain afterwards.

but the problem is that the pain is… bad. like being woken up in the middle of the night because my sides hurt and my legs hurt isn’t uncommon, and there’s this weird thing where i’m scared to use the toilet during these first three days because it makes my butt and my sides hurt so much that i genuinely can’t move and have to bite myself to stop myself from screaming. sometimes i’ll be in so much pain, usually in my sides but also sometimes in my stomach or legs or my butt, that i can’t even move, so i just kind of… have to lie pressed into my bed and hold my breath.

my mother has always just told me that she had worse pain when she still used to get her period, and that i’d be completely fine if i just listened to her and used a hot water bottle (i have poor circulation, so hot/cold stuff just doesn’t really feel great for me usually), and i’ve always just kind of accepted that. i know it’s common for people who get periods to talk about how painful things like cramps are, but i genuinely usually feel so miserable for the first couple days of my period that if i don’t need to get out my bed, i literally won’t at all.

i’m just wondering… is everyone who gets periods in as much pain as i usually am, at least for the first couple days? or, since i know that people experience periods differently, are people in more/less pain than i am but it’s fine since this isn’t that bad and i should just take medication each month for it? idk, but ever since i started to get periods they’ve genuinely always made me feel so so bleak and in agony, and i’m someone i’d consider who has a maybe above ‘average’ pain tolerance (i have chronic back pain, migraines, and health issues that make it easy for me to sprain/fracture my ankles which i’ve unironically managed to do about eight times in the past two years — again, unfortunately all of this with mostly no painkillers unless i can get them from the school first aid box), so i just… don’t know anymore, but i thought it couldn’t hurt to ask.

anyways, unrelated but i really do love this blog — the reblogs are always good things to read as someone who’s still unpacking being raised by very puritanical parents, and the asks always offer good advice too, very empathetically in a way that sometimes catches me off guard (there was one post on here that was something about how the asker’s father would belittle them and i think your reply said something like ‘it’s not your fault and nothing’s wrong with that aspect of you’… which i know sounds obvious but that was something that i don’t think had ever been obvious to me ever since my father started doing the same when i was younger. it was really comforting to hear, is what i mean, and your replies often are. so thank you for that! and for the time + energy i can imagine it takes to run this, you post/rb so often!)

Hi! This is absolutely a sex ed question, you're right!

So, first, let me make one thing clear: no! You are not supposed to be in this level of pain on your period. Some pain is understandable but once it gets to the point it's bad/debilitating in Any fashion, something is going wrong.

But I also want to say, being in an abusive living situation can fuck up your periods. And so can being restricted from pain relief, which-just in case you're not aware-is another type of abuse.

But what you're talking about sounds like more than just a lack of basic pain relief. That's very disabling, even if it doesn't last long. It may be that intense reactions to periods run in your family [especially since your mother mentioned experiencing something similar] but that's still something you should be getting something like specialized pain meds for or even stopping your periods altogether.

What you're talking about, especially on top of an abusive living situation, is very unhealthy for you to have to deal with.

Not everyone is in that much pain. Some people are but that's a medical condition. It's a disability! What you're talking about is a disability. It can be caused by PMS or endometriosis or PMDD or it could even be connected to whatever causes your other chronic pain but it's still very much something your parents should be getting you checked out for.

Even if your mother had the exact same pain on her period, that doesn't mean you should have to suffer through it, especially not with her revoking your access to basic pain relief. That's all completely unacceptable and I'm sorry you're having to deal with this.

I'm not sure how helpful this is but I hope it's at least good to know the pain levels you're dealing with are unacceptable and Not "normal" period pain.

Also I'm so glad you're learning and enjoying the blog, especially the advice. I also grew up in an abusive household so to hear it's helping someone else in a similar situation means the world to me, fr. 💕 Sending love, Anon. <3

[jinnie-ret]

Hey can I request a fluffy comfort gif where y/n has period cramps and stays to work from home and is kind of in a bad mood so when Hyunjin comes home early from (idk doing Versace ambassador stuff lol) and he tells her he isn’t feeling well and he’s got a stomachache too, she gets annoyed and thinks he’s just teasing. But later on she realizes he’s actually sick and being serious and she feels bad and takes care of him 🎀🤭

under the weather

hyunjin x reader

gif imagine

genre: fluff, teeny tiny angst

content warnings: none

summary: you think hyunjin is teasing you as normal when you're on your period, but turns out he's not feeling too great himself.

My first gif imagine! Hope you enjoy!

As always, like, reblog if you enjoyed, and my asks are open for any requests you may have. And let me know if you'd like to be tagged when I post :)

HYUNJIN'S MASTERLIST

MAIN MASTERLIST

You were used to his teasing, even when you were in a bad mood like this. Cramps, a raging headache and not enough food to satiate your cravings. Of course he always made sure you were okay too, which was why you were surprised by his quiet mood, especially since he has just come back from his recent Versace trip. You had seen plenty of posts on social media and it made you miss him even more. Why wasn't he his normal excited self?

"Hi love, I missed you," you clung onto him as he entered your apartment, looking more tired than usual.

"Mmm, yeha, missed you too," Hyunjin sighed as he walked in, automatically collapsing on the sofa.

"Wow, what a great welcome back," you roll your eyes, unable to help your bad mood from returning as you sat next to him.

"Sorry, I did miss you, I saw your texts as well, I know you've not been feeling great," he sat up slowly, stroking your hair.

"Cramps have been extra bad," you groan, leaning into him.

"I know how you feel," he groaned, leaning against you, staring off at the wall after taking a glance at you.

"Don't tease this time, they've actually been so bad," you playfully whack his stomach, but he hunches over and groans.

"Stop messing around, Jinnie," you whine.

"I'm not, got such a bad stomachache, must have been bad plane food," he hunched over again.

That's when you realise he wasn't joking around this time, it should have been obvious from his mood, you thought.

"Oh, love, I'm sorry I thought you were messing," you sighed, sitting up and wrapping an arm around him and rubbing soothing circles into his back.

"No, not this time darling," he groaned again.

"Let me get you what normally helps me," you pouted as you wiped away his small tears of pain.

You got up and grabbed two hot water bottles, slowly moving around and pouring boiling water into them, as well as two mugs of tea. First you brought over the bottles and gave him one, gently pressing it against his stomach. He immediately let out a sigh in response, seeming to relax a bit.

"Here, have some tea, take these too," you put down your mugs of tea on the table, just as you handed him some paracetamol.

"Thank you Y/Nnie, I know you're not feeling too good either," he took the tablets, curling up on the sofa.

"It's ok, you know what though, I think we'd both be comfier in bed right now, yeah?" you pushed back his hair as you planted a kiss on his forehead.

He nodded and slowly sat up, carrying the mugs as you held the hot water bottles and rested your hand on his back.

"What are we gonna do, hey? We're both gonna be like potatoes laying around in bed," you lightly laughed, the roles now reversed as you carded your hand through his hair as he cuddled up to you, head rested on your chest.

"I'll just be a potato forever then if I get to lay here forever with you," he murmured lightly, pressing a kiss to your knuckles of your other hand.

"Do you always get sentimental when you're under the weather?" you teased him now, your cramps easing ever so slightly.

"Sshhh, you, I'm unwell, you need to take care of me," he looked up at you with pouty lips.

"I will, love don't you worry," you pecked him on the lips, smiles prominent on both of your faces as you relaxed in the comfort of each other.

tagged: @skz-streamer @hannahhbahng @backintomykpopphaseagain @kiraisastay @sakufilms

[artists-who-rarely-draws]

Calling Gravity falls artists!

Firstly, I love you all your art is so scrumptious mwah mwah mwah mwah!!.

Okay now to the casting call?? Listing?? Idk the term BUT! I am in the process of scripting out and designing a 80s Stan pines Dating SIM bwah bwah!

I'm planning to do the sprite work as I'm pretty good at replicating the gravity falls style.

But! For CGS, the Game Cover(?) (and / or backgrounds, maybe still deciding), I'm hoping to find an art style with a bit more - Pizzaz!!!!

**I am more than willing to pay! Your art is beautiful, and you deserve to be compensated!!!!**

Now some details about what it would look like:

- I will come to you for a few different cgs for both a Ford and Stan route in a stretched out period of time (meaning not all of once, not only because I don't want to overwhelm, but so that I can fully decide on a scene make sure it's fully what I want before coming to you for the CG for it, I don't want to think I know what I want then fully change my mind and then ya know this CG your either working on or finished now doesn't apply)

-We can talk through DM's , email (Tho my email rarely gives me notifications, so if I respond late, I'm sorry), Discord. Wherever makes you the most comfortable, artwork probably should be shared through either Drive or Email, though since Dependant on Size, most sites will kind of crunch them.

-You will receive FULL credit!!! This one feels like a given, but the internet is wild, and I've seen this misconception happen. Just because I'm paying for your art doesn't mean you don't also get credit. Credit your commissioners' kids.

-You get to set the price on your own art! Far be it from me to tell *you* what your time and effort is worth.

-communication is very important, I do work full time, but if I'm free and you need to talk to me, I'm more than open! If I don't get back to you within a day or so, feel free to give me a friendly little reminder that the notification has been lost.

-I will provide reference sheets that don't follow the canon (like other outfits or hair styles or whatever)

- as part of talking out each piece, I'd like a quote on price and a rough?? Idea?? On when it may be completed (Note: that is not like a strict deadline or anything. I understand things happen! Like i said, just pop me a message saying it can't be finished by 'blank', maybe 'blank' or just that you don't know! I won't bite! I'm an artist! I get it!

And I think that's about all of Note at the moment? If you have any more questions feel free to ask them!

If you'd be willing to be my CG artist please send me a DM with some gravity falls art examples, your rough prices (which again I understand will change from piece to piece buy just like a idea of how your prices for scenes normally are) and your prefrence for how we would communicate about the game ^^.

Thank you very much for reading! And again I love your art so much! Mwah mwah!

(Note, game might get it's own blog once I fully decide on a title, right now im thinking 'The Diners Call' but idk for sure)

[shepherds-of-haven]

I'm a new player here and I've been trying to find some info on this through the tags but I wanted to ask: are hunter birth rates low in general or is more that people arent having 100% hunter kids? Idk why but in my mind I've been comparing them to pandas 😂

Hi there, that's a good question! The problem is multi-faceted, but simply put, Hunter birth rates aren't that high compared to other races, but not necessarily due to fertility reasons, if that makes any sense.

Here's a visual representation of pure-blooded Hunters who are capable of having pure-blooded Hunter kids:

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤  But consider that many of these will enter service as initiated exorcists, and of these, some won't survive the rite of passage (which takes place around 15) and others will be killed in the line of duty before they settle down, marry, and have kids:

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

Now consider that, of the ones who do marry, some won't marry other full-blooded Hunters, meaning the kids they do have won't manifest Hunter powers (which is actually the main concern here, not necessarily that the Hunter people will necessarily go extinct, numbers-wise, but that their powers will dwindle out of existence over time):

⬤⬤⬤⬤⬤

And then consider that Hunters have a shorter lifespan than most other races, with old age, illness, and death beginning to occur in the 50s and 60s, meaning the period of time they even have to settle down, raise healthy kids, and protect them until adulthood is drastically shortened, especially if they also want to pursue their own careers and livelihoods, requiring they either start having kids pretty young (which not many Hunters naturally want to do unless pressured to do so) or meaning many Hunter kids are left orphaned young, which also affects their own survival slightly:

⬤⬤⬤⬤

So all of those factors kind of come together to make it difficult to maintain a burgeoning population of pure-blooded, full-powered Hunters who inherit grace (again, not necessarily that people with Hunter blood are in decline). It should be noted that when two Hunters do start trying for kids, their fertility and reproductive rates are normal! It's just that the circumstances and odds leading to such a coupling (and the fact that more and more Hunters to fall in love with don't have full blood or grace with each passing year) are kind of stacked the opposite way, unless you make it your life's goal to have pure-blooded Hunter kids. That's why Halek faces such enormous pressure to marry Moonsilk and have kids: her clan is one of the last that have the high-born, pure Hunter blood that would suit Halek's line and would guarantee full-powered Hunter children, but it comes, of course, at the cost of Halek feeling like he doesn't have the luxury of falling in love with whomever he wants, since this urgent need has been impressed on him from an early age.

Hope that all makes sense! It would be hilarious if their problems were more panda-orientated ("we'll just show them videos and demonstrations of how to have sex! someone put on white wigs so they can learn, they're just clueless on how to do it") though lol!

[judasgot-it]

Can I please have hcs of how Ango and Mushitarou would raise his daughter vs how he would raise a son? [How strict is he? Is it likely for him to have favouritism? What kind of Father is he? How much does he spoil them? Etc, etc] PLEASEE I BEG 🙏

[This is the last one I swear😭 I'm sorry]

These are very very much my own hyperspecific headcanons, sorry idk how to make them cutesy like other people do with the baby shit I'm just being a little straight-up like these guys would 100% fuck up in some places

Mushitaro

Girl dad

i think he would have a daughter kind of like kyouka. although maybe more gothic and a little strange

i can totally imagine him playing dress-up games with her. like, he 100% would be super involved, dude would love to learn about the girls world and get into it

he likes to dress her up because he makes it so easy - bro would make it seem like they're playing a game and it would be a blast for her

he knows all of the specific names for skirts and sweaters now. he can easily get his daughter the perfect outfit because of course he can, duh

he'd be a fun dad. like i can imagine him making dumb dad jokes and "arguing" with her over stupid things

100% he cries over every major milestone she has. like he would cry when she goes to different schools or when she gets her period - he hates to see her change, and cries over an old baby picture of her in his wallet

will forever be daddy's little girl. btw she's 25 and moved out already. but still, shes living in his wallet and is his little girl lmao.

i think the teenage years are actually kind of chill for him, dude gives off chill lame dad vibes. i think he would chill with his daughter after some stupid "canon event" for her and they would bond over movies and icecream

16 and she would just unironically go to the mall with her dad because they're chill like that.

I think Mushitaro gives really good dad vibes honestly. he wouldn't be "cool" but bro would be totally lame in a good way

his daughter wouldn't know jackshit about his life until like she's way older. or maybe on accident. I think thats why he would be a good dad

his ability is a well-kept secret so I think he would threaten her boyfriends and she would just think he's joking or isn't really that threatening. he's not. he would 100% get away with their murders. he probably did once or twice.

its not like he's trying to be dishonest, its just that his life is complicated, and he doesn't want to explain so many horrible things to an innocent child

she learns eventually, but i think she'd get mad on his behalf tbh. like, a lot of it was really shitty

she probably knows Poe and Ranpo, but I can imagine her believing that her dad is just a normal guy compared to them.

Idk i feel like he protects her normalcy and "innocence" a lot more than he should

Like father not like son, fr

exact opposite here, i think he would have a son who would be pretty different from him in some ways

maybe not "giga chad" or anything, but he definitely would be living a way different life than Mushitaro ever could have thought of

i think it would be awkward at some point. at that stage where kids become their own people, but are still too similar to others - he would probably be scared by the weird reflection he sees of himself

i think he loves his son but still hates himself for what he did. so he might pretend that his son isn't like him all that much

might talk to his son a little too much about his "uncle" who he never explains where he is (because he is dead)

when he learns that he's dead, he suddenly doesn't want to talk about him that much.

Probably once saw his son reading his books and overreacted.

i think having a son gives him more melancholy, since he has to reflect far more on his mistakes in life

probably worries himself shitless about what he's doing though

he knows he's going to be ok, but deep down he knows the world is too cruel

His son probably tries to be smart and get away with shit and ends up having the whole detective agency on his ass. Bro can't even sneak out smh

I feel like Mushitaro's parenting style is a little out of the ordinary, since he would probably force the kid to work anytime he thought he was "acting up" instead of idk. time out.

Definitely way harder on a son than he is on a daughter. Favoritism is real guys

I think his son would be way more freerer and think his dad is "weird" so any bonding time they have would be a little overshadowed by it

They get along well enough, but yea it's a bit more tenious

Ango

girl dad

I feel bad, I feel like his daughter would be kind of a bitch

like not a total bitch, but she would be the type to use "my dad works in the government" to her full advantage and also just clock people in for who they really are

a little too much like dazai in that aspect.

probably really sweet as a child and i think ango spoiled her too much in fear of being a bad father

like probably got furniture for his empty ass apartment (what is wrong with him) and buys her useless shit kids like (what the fuck are those kids surprise toys)

so now she thinks she has it better than most people and is willing to take full advantage of that

to be fair. ango is the type of guy who would get bullied by his own daughter. like he can fight back but he would lose and cave in and give her 500$

It's not totally hopeless, I think she's just as smart as him and gives off more barbie energy, so is a little terrifying to have around the office since she just would just unexpectedly call people out for being assholes

only she can bully her dad. she doesn't care if thats his boss

so ango doesn't tell his coworkers that he has an expensive daughter who probably gets in fights. cause why would he? that doesn't really help him

i think she's the bitch that he wants to be

so he isn't too hard on her since he agrees like 70% of the time

loves to hangout with his daughter but it always puts a dent in his wallet since her hobbies are shopping and getting arrested

honestly he probably is glad she's like this. she has a strong identity and is very very hard to sway in one direction or the other

makes him proud

boy dad (rip)

I actually think he would be really nice to his son

he would probably have a son who's a bit of a freak like him and struggles with identity issues, so I think he would be kind since he understands those exact struggles

very very dysfunctional though

bro either orders takeout for the both of them each night or they eat straight out of the pot with spoons over the sink

like, i think unless the mom is in the picture ango would have his son living in his apartment with just mattresses and a suitcase

very very male living space.

like i doubt they'd sleep with blankets half the time

probably brings his 8-year-old son with him to his job and makes him do homework or play games

is probably more popular than ango

if his son has no hobbies then his hobby is to be a paper pusher for him

would raise his son to be his own personal assistant

or to go to a good university

those are his two options

not his fault, bro just sucks at parenting and the only way he can channel his paternal affection has been through training employees

does teach him how to shoot a gun though

his son is probably a mess of a person like he is, maybe a bit better since he doesn't have the drama of losing someone and bad friendship breakups, but i think ango wouldn't really help him develop useful life skills

the man can barely function on his own, so his version of parenthood is just "stay alive" and knowing how to manage under your circumstances

like, his son is more prepared for the end of the world than for anything else

it's complicated.

his son isn't resentful though. he loves his dad and i feel like he would do something that his dad would be proud of

[gunpowder-gemini]

I love liminal spaces but I think we're all using that term wrong

Like ok, hear me out. I ADORE liminal space vibes and playlists and photos etc. I think the backrooms are great! I love the unsettling-yet-oddly-comforting vibes of all this stuff. But I don't think we're using the term right. Or rather, we're using it too broadly I think. Putting the rest under a cut because writing down my thoughts turned into a whole ass essay.

So the definition of liminal according to Merriam-Webster is:

of, relating to, or situated at a sensory threshold : barely perceptible or capable of eliciting a response

of, relating to, or being an intermediate state, phase, or condition : in-between, transitional.

When talking about spaces and locations we're generally meaning the 2nd one. (Though the first one sounds like shit you can barely see and I do love the idea of exploring that in terms of like, houses that you aren't sure are there or a place that you can only sort of see out of the corner of your eye but I'm getting sidetracked).

So these are places that are transitional and are unsettling because they are places that we are familiar with but we don't think about when we aren't actively there. Seeing them outside that context is odd and feels kinda wrong (also because they're generally portrayed as always empty and lit strangely, but we'll come back to that). Good examples are like stairwells, hallways, train stations, airports, bus stops, gas stations, etc.

So we agree on that, yeah? Great. Now where I'm saying we're wrong is in OTHER kinds of creepy spaces that give the same sort of vibe, but AREN'T inherently transitional spaces.

For example, I don't think offices are liminal. Office spaces are horrifying and endless office rooms DO sound like my personal hell, but that's because you spend a LOT of time in them. Like, office spaces full of cubicles and computers and shit is a JOB, a DESTINATION. It isn't somewhere you're just passing through or waiting in while you move to another location. Now the office hallways or stairwells I WOULD say are liminal, but the rooms themselves? Unsettling but not liminal, and I think are unsettling BECAUSE they aren't liminal.

I would apply this same logic to a lot of other popular "liminal space" places that get thrown around, such as shopping malls, playplaces, hotels (this one could go either way tbh), classrooms, houses (come on, you literally live in those), etc. Some examples of what I mean:

These aren't liminal imo, they're just empty and/or poorly lit. Empty places that feel like they should have people, especially places that feel familiar, can evoke that same sort of uncanny uneasiness that liminal spaces do.

There is, of course, overlap and gray areas and nuance. Places that do not normally exist as liminal spaces CAN be liminal spaces if the place itself is in a state of transition.

For example, the backrooms. Office spaces are not inherently liminal but EMPTY office spaces I would say are. Without the cubicles and desks and computers and whatnot, the space ceases to be a destination. No one is working in the completely empty backrooms. So the space is in a period of transition either into a usable workspace or going from a workspace into something else. I would say this applies to things like empty houses before you move in/after you move out. Waffle House at 3 am is liminal because it's not a destination you just end up there somehow. There's more but you get the gist, here's some examples.

The last category of liminal spaces are ones I'm not sure where to put, because they aren't real. These are things like the poolrooms and bathrooms that don't make sense and stuff like that. I see these labeled "dreamcore" more than anything which is a good label, but since they do get brought up as liminal spaces I figured I'd mention them here too. Idk, I don't think they're liminal if only because they aren't real.

SO all of that explained, I'd like to bring back that thing about emptiness and strange lighting. Because all of these images I found by searching for liminal spaces (and specifying like, bathroom or whatever) and I DON'T think they're all liminal but I DO think they are all unsettling and weirdly familiar in the same way. We're using liminal to describe this vibe, but I think what we all ACTUALLY mean is uncanny.

Like, all of these places are places that look familiar even though we may never have been there, but they look WRONG. They're all too empty, the lights are either too bright or too dim and many of them look abandoned. They're such a strange marriage of nostalgically familiar (for those of us that grew up in the us in the 90s/00s anyway, ymmv) and horrifyingly unsettling. They're like the uncanny valley, but for locations. Thus, I think this aesthetic should be called something like uncanny spaces and that liminal spaces would be a subset of this.

Obviously I'm just some guy on the internet and I can't make anyone stop using liminal to mean uncanny, it's just something I've kinda thought a lot about and wanted to yell those thoughts into the void that is the internet lol.

[unalloyedmiquella]

**i am 30 hours into da4 at the time of writing this post. i just finished the seige at weisshaupt**

oh dragon age the veilguard, how i have mixed feelings about you

idk who thought it was a good idea to hire someone who has absolutely no experience making fantasy rpgs and almost no experience making games period as one of the lead directors. its extremely obvious.

the best way i can put this is that this feels like a game that was made for a younger audience, a demographic that was not the original or majority of the fanbase. if corrine busch wanted to make a more “accessible” game, she should have worked on a different or original title (no im not talking about the difficulty choices)

this is a 15 year old franchise with a huge fanbase. i think its okay if people need to do some hw before playing.

and the other one? john epler, having him as a director was effectively useless. as a former qa employee and cinematic designer, he wasnt the right fit for the role of “making sure it felt like dragon age”

when it comes to plot, its solid. i love the lore reveals, but this is like you took thedas and made everyone on your side abject “good.” everyone here uses therapy speak, and there is no conflict. even if you piss a companion off, there virtually no difference in how they treat you like it feels like disapproval doesnt matter

what happened to the game that let me tell off a homophobic clergy woman? the game where a mage defended the circle? the game where you can PUNCH a companion?? sera was one of my favs from dai bc she was a mean lesbian, (and now everyone is passive and playersexual. snore) da is so impactful because of its complex and nuanced characters.

i want companions to feel like real people, not archetypes. in some ways da4 feels like a step back with character interactions. the nuance is gone here.

rook and the team is abject good, you cannot be evil, mean, or morally gray. you cant be bitchy, you are good, you are the teams therapist. i think this hurts the narrative and imerssion. i think the player should be able to actually craft a personality for rook, and not have the devs morals thrust unto you.

this game is so afraid to be problematic that it ends up turning something that could have been the best in the franchise, into an at times mediocre game.

the visually stunning graphics, stylized and saturated art style, and intuitive + fun combat mechanics, and lore /reveals/, keep me playing, but i cant help but roll my eyes when rook or the companions talk like they watched a bunch of pop psychology videos on tiktok.

edit: something else that actually truly drives me insane about this game is the hand holding. you will watch a cutscene that very obviously tells you what to do next and what will happen next, as soon as its over, rook and your companions all seem to have dialogue telling you want to do. this is my biggest, and imo most valid criticism of the game.

you’ll enter an area thats obviously a puzzle, and you destroy the crystals or turn a mechanism or destroy blight, and you get more dialogue counting how many more things you need to destroy, or tell you what to do despite the mere visual of the puzzle making it obvious what it is you need to do.

i hate it when games treat you like an idiot. these devs dont have any faith in the players intelligence to figure out very simple things.

if the dialogue is not plot relevant or if its not relationship building, it is unnecessary. stop telling me what to do, i know what to do.

i’ll probably make a separate post about how i despise the way trans narrative is handled and how corny and dumb the dialogue choices for that are.

i love that the option is there, i wanted this to be part of the game since dai has a trans male npc, but can i like … be normal about it? it feels inauthentic and i personally dont think the actual word “trans” belongs in a fantasy setting. come up with something else. it pulls me out of the world, it is immersion breaking. it makes it feel less medieval fantasy

[crowwithacomputer]

The X Files - S4 - EP5

This episode has been very much interesting for their relationship

«Early in the four years of working together an event occurred that suggested or somebody told you that we were friends together in other lifetimes... always, would it have changed some of the ways we looked at one another?» said Mulder

«Even if I knew for certain, I wouldn't change a day» responded Scully «Well... Maybe without that Flukeman thing. I could have lived without that just fine»

I don't know but when I watch the episodes I see how they care for each other, but I don't see that love shown in this scene. It's like we're just some coworker. Watching them at all times, kinda weird, but only when they're working.

We don't see them in other circumstances. We don't see them watching movies, playing board games, visiting family, hanging out together... In four years they've known each other and we just get 16'5h on average each season (I did a bit of probably incorrect math). That's not even a day.

Am I saying we should get to see them 24/7 like The Truman Show? No, but it makes me think how much of their relationship we don't see. Again, we just see their professional side. And Scully and Mulder argue too much in every episode about all the theories they have. A normal working relationship cannot handle that much imo. They must have a really, really good bond. Maybe they don't get exclusively weird cases, maybe they work on normal stuff and get along pretty well during those.

They don't argue that much but such different ideas and perceptions while working on these things, idk, I feel it can only be handled when you know and appreciate that person very much.

"would it have changed some of the ways we looked at one another?" is such a hard line. Like, we've been together since the creation of our souls, for centuries before and to come, forever we'll be tied to find each other in the next life, even from an extremely small period of time, to spending our lives together. And Scully, I ask you, even after all those lives, personalities, faces, everything, do you look at me in the eyes and see Fox Mulder? Do you still look at me and see my weird theories and my love for sunflower seeds? Do you see a friend? Do you see me as something different? Something less? Something more?

Mulder, I tell you, that even remembering your faces, your personalities, everything from before. Knowing that we were mere coworkers, to husband and wife, to mother and son. Even after all that, after all we've been through and what we will have to go through, I wouldn't change anything that happened that led me to you.

I don't want any spoilers about this, but I wish we could see more of their life, both just having fun, arguing, hugging, whatever. I just want to see them relaxed for once and not stressed out 😭

[tavina-writes]

Have you any suggestions for someone who has started recently (few months ago) to publish fics on ao3 and doesn't get a lot of hits/kudos? I feel a little down and insecure, and I don't know if it's my writing the problem or the fact that the pair is not the main and not liked much

Hi Nonny!

This is a difficult conflict to have with yourself, and I'm sure that like, you've seen all the posts about how like "you should be self indulgent! you should write for yourself! who cares about engagement!" and this both is and isn't true. But also even if you think it is true and you'd like to get some of that energy it's very difficult and for that sending you so many hugs. It is very normal to feel insecure about sharing something you've made, and I think writers of all levels of experience and "engagement" feel down about themselves like this in cycles.

idk if I'm qualified to say a ton on this topic, but I've seen lots of "unhealthy relationship to stats page" and could tell real stories about horrible things that have happened so I guess here goes nothing?

A few things to keep in mind:

what do you consider "not a lot" ? 10? 100? 1000? One of the major problems of focusing overtly on hits/kudos/comments/and other things you can't change is that inevitably if you achieve the "number of your dreams" you will....get a new number that you want. It will be bigger. Chasing this type of external numbers based validation to the exclusion of other stuff is very difficult because it is one of those sliding slope black holes to never being satisfied with what is currently going on. This is my primary thought on why focusing on stats isn't very good: it's very easy to get into a never ending cycle of never being happy.

as someone who's written for several years: we're coming up on the winter holidays, end of the semester, winter break type time period in many parts of the world but esp for northern hemisphere english speaking fandom, so if you're seeing a decrease in hits/kudos/comments/the feeling that someone out there is reading your work in general, this could play a big role. If you've only been publishing for the last few months the first time this happens can be really jarring! But it has nothing to do with the quality of your writing or if people are interested in reading and everything to do with brickspace taking up a lot of time right now. (I imagine this might also be true for Chinese speaking fandom around New Years, but I can't say since I don't engage there very often to notice trends.)

Depending on the fandom, (which, unless you, like me, are into Naruto which seems to thrive on niche AUs from now until forever), main pairings/fandom popular juggernauts will always get more people reading than a rarepair. That doesn't mean the people who write for rarepairs are doing a bad job or that writing for a rarepair isn't rewarding to the writer in other ways, but that may mean modulating expectations on like "how many people will click on my work?" and "how much feedback will I get?"

So overall, I feel like there's a combination of factors here for why you might be feeling down, but there are ways to help with this!

For one: talking about your writing and your work and what you're doing! This, I've found, is a great way to make friends. (also to anyone who says that this is obnoxious and attention seeking, this is the attention seeking webbed site, if you don't want attention why are you here????)

For two: locate friends and yell your thoughts at them <- I have found this to be 100% a mood picker upper when it comes to "am I doing a good job at writing?"

For three: find what makes you really happy about your own writing! This doesn't mean that you have to seek to improve your writing, but just, stuff that you enjoy, a line you really like, a relationship you enjoyed, a fic you thought was nice, and be kind to yourself about it.

Again, sending you hugs nonny! I hope some of this helps!

[lilacs-world]

I feel like I’m chronically not okay but idk if I’m valid enough to label myself as chronically ill. I am able to work 40h a week but with the cost of laying in bed the rest of the day when I’m back home. In the weekends I sleep mostly. My room is a disaster because I never have the energy to tackle the chaos. I wished I was able to walk to work and back but standing for more than 15 min is already exhausting me and I get dizzy and lightheaded. I am constantly in pain, my normal pain level is on good days at a 2 on bad days it’s at a 4 or 5 but maybe I’m too modest about my pain due to fear of admitting I’m not okay. I am always tired even if I sleep usually enough. At times I feel more refreshed with only 4 hours of sleep hell knows why. I am waking up daily at 5:45am to get myself ready for 8am work. I don’t know if I’m ever gonna be a functioning adult. I am scared of the moment I will unmask bcs im masking daily due to Audhd. Plus daily I’m confused because we are often switching and my quality at work at times fluctuating and my TLs wondering wtf bcs we know u know all the processes so wtf. Daily I feel like I know only a specific part of the processes and I have days where I ask so many questions that one of the TLs told me they are growing gray hairs bcs of me asking so much. The doctors in my country are shit when I mentioned suspecting we are a system they said nah it’s just ur anxiety. When I questioned if I have adhd my former psych said nah only kids can have it. My former therapist said yeah after unofficially diagnosing me with it. Autism I suspect that too and I got my confirmation more or less from my bf who’s on the spectrum as well. He got his confirmation he has adhd as well by me noticing lots of adhd things in him and he has now meds whilst me is in this godforsaken country that isn’t taking me seriously. I got my confirmation I have adhd when I took speed and realised for the first time "so this is how neurotypicals experience their life?" I for once had a train of thoughts in order and not a carambolage of luggage’s getting stuck in the baggage claim belt. I sobbed so hard. On good days I am able to remember and memorise lots of shit. But on bad days I barely anything. My body is out of control. I have pcos and it’s ravaging my body. I grow hair on my chin and arms and it’s making me uncomfortable and I developed anxiety about having hair in my face to the point over pluck and over shave it. My period is out of control. I either bleed for 2 months consecutive or I don’t have my period for 6 months. I am anemic due to it. I am such a pale human that I’m constantly being asked if I am okay. Oh yeah not to forget having an autoimmune disease since I am 2 years old. Having to deal with psoriasis break outs each winter where I end up being covered on my legs, arms , ass with skin patches of psoriasis. At times it’s even in my eyebrows and on my scalp. Each winter is a torture for me. I am battling with depression as well. Luckily this last year it wasn’t so overbearing and I felt more human than I used to in the past. Nonetheless my anxiety is ravaging and leaving me crippled daily. I sound ridiculous talking about myself rn bcs in my brain I feel like you aren’t this sick or unwell you are faking this you are a horrible human for saying all this things but I know it’s probably my internal ableism and the internal critical subconsciously developed voices of my surroundings telling me I’m not actually sick and I need to go to work even if sick etc. Sigh. Idk where I wanted to go with this whole post. I know you guys don’t see often a personal post from me or posts from me and more reblogs of stuff I enjoy seeing and stuff I wanna boost and stuff I find important or relatable or stuff that I think might make someone feel better and less anxious or feel seen. I hope this is fine. I hope being more real is helpful. Maybe I should do this rambling on my other blog @unfilteredrealities where I tried to talk about life in a real way , unfiltered. You can even send in your own submissions if u want to.

Anyway thanks for reading my ted talk.

TLDR: I don’t know if I’m actually chronically ill and if I’m valid enough to label myself as that and then I rambled about my life experiences with audhd, did, anxiety, depression, pcos, psoriasis and there are more but I’m exhausted.

[bulbabutt]

yooooooo all i do lately is vent vent vent uhhh

itsssss really annoying to feel traumatized over shit that doesnt actually matter at all but you cant feel like a person who functions cuz of it

like. mkay, few years ago i did a stupid thing which was uh. pre coming out but post taking testosterone tell this girl ('girl' she was older than me, im an adult but sos she) i that i was trans. then that i had a crush on her. like a fucking idiot, i was like 'girl pretty girl nice maybe i can finally have something'

and the thing was like. we had this lax fucking job that didnt matter, we were both basically running this shitty lil store nobody came in for the christmas season. and like i had admitted id never done anything, but i should have noticed it was gonna be weird quicker, cuz while she was understanding of like 'ok yeah youre a dude i get that' it was. hmm. it wasnt really like she felt like that, and she didnt notice so much that shit she would say hurt my feelings. like this was so unserious honestly, but uh the thing abt taking t in your mid 20s is youre like... right im... im going through a literal puberty and being stupid as a teenager. im bad with expressing my feelings normally cuz of that.

anyway. it was a fling really. it was stupid and shouldnt have happened, and it probably hurt me more than i thought, but she got like... jealous of one of the employees who id known from a prev job... who to me was like. literally a child (cuz like, id known her since she was) and that made me feel so weird, cuz i was like ?? why the hell would i be thinking about her like that i havent done ANYTHING that would make you think that. and hello i only said i liked you ? but then i guess the age gap was the same in her eyes and so that might have been why she thought that. but like pfft if youre ~25 dating a ~30 yr old its whatever thats normal. going the other way gets weirder ESP if uh. HELLO i was this kids boss?? that was so weird that she felt like that. i guess cuz i was just better at getting along w people younger than me, as someone who isnt a TRUE millennial, someone whos pop culture references lean gen z or whatever. idk i just know kids like my vibe for some reason. there was NEVER anything else going on i was just... being chill? but that was enough to cause jealousy.

but like yeah theres only so many 3 weeks in 'i dont think this is a good idea i think im bad for you' texts you can get before you just go 'yeah you know what i dont wanna do this anymore actually thats fine no hard feelings'

but i tend to be a person who just cant socialize with people for long periods of time, i ghost people a lot, i dont have a history of having friends i dont know how to maintain relationships, but also i really didnt want to at this point. i felt really gross about it and embarrassed for putting myself out there and admitting a secret about myself.

anyway next year rolls around and i see her at the next job season and she tells me she and another coworker found my tiktok page (cuz shit forcibly adding your contacts IS THE DEVIL) and uh. she had to explain to said coworker that i was trans. which. felt like shit. obviously. i was still not out.

anyway THAT person was a piece of shit who talked down to me and acted like i was terrible at my job and brought aLL the personal shit up as if i had ever trusted HER with any of it. like using my new chosen name in texts and shit to call me out for nothing. i had to give her a fucking 'excuse me, you dont get to call me that i never fucking told you that and its WEIRD that you think you get to call me that just cuz you invaded my privacy.'

she literally told both my bosses about all my private shit with this girl. like all that stupid bullshit about how we had dated and it didnt go well, she spread my private shit. and like... it all... ugh. like i got told by said bosses 'hey. none of what she said is important at all dont even worry about it.' and i really appreciated that. but that year was so bad for me, i felt like i was being watched like everything i did was being misconstrued. everything blew up so fast if there was something sma,, and it was 100% that person making it worse.

next year i just came out finally just was like. yeah alright. got a beard now, had my tits removed, might as well. and everyone was chill. personal beef spreading bitch didnt come back (the bosses were glad of that) shit was chill. was on friendly terms with "ex" being normal, never had any beef that year. was very much a 'the beef we had the previous year was this bitch egging her on'. i was partially running store. everything was fine i thought.

next year. as it turns out? was not asked to help run store that year. was very confused, there was a slot to fill that no one else could and i wasnt asked to do it. instead they had this absolute bigot who made everyone and i mean EVERYONE who worked there so uncomfortable, abusive language bigoted talk, wouldnt let people leave if they were sick ass piece of shit.. yeah he got the job. and everyone complained, but hes friends with the boss so whatever.

anyway reached my wits end. quit mid season. was fine, i was moving anyway, it was whatever.

you know why i wasnt asked to have that job? cuz the ex. for some reason without thinking, said 'yeah ill come back but i dont want him to be in charge after last year'. and she... never told me there was any problem. and that hurt me so bad. like talking to other people who were there, it all seemed like... okay, i was good at my job and would just.. act like a boss and not a friend sometimes. like be the guy going 'hey can you like. go do __ i need to count the till i dont have time to hear your funny joke rn'. and she took it personally. like its fine if youre sensitive to stuff, but i was under so much stress a lot and i dont always handle it well.

and that beef she had that she didnt tell me about turned into me losing a job, losing my sanity, feeling utterly betrayed and forcing everyone else who worked there to deal with the biggest pos as a boss with no repercussions. i heard from people post quitting i was being talked shit about by my prev bosses TO the employees. for the crime of... complaining about a bigot. who was misgendering me, being racist to other employees, making the teens feel unsafe to be around. like this was a SCREAMING old man kind of shit.

and all because the ex, initially, made a comment about not wanting me to be in charge. and i just... i really dont even know what i did. it was so underhanded. and when i asked her about it, she just said 'no i didnt say i WOULDNT work under you i just said i HOPED you wouldnt be in charge, and weeks later i asked why you werent in charge' but like??? no. you literally said something that cost me a job. you did. theres no taking that back, you didnt tell me any beef you had with me, you clearly equated job stress with personal stress. you cost me a job! YOU did that you set off a chain of events! and like i cant even begin to explain how much i helped her with shit at jobs. like i kind of took all the responsibility but we were both being paid the same. i would get called every day by her being confused by things while i was at home and help walk her through shit. it was fine, i was stressed but i was fine i never held it against her!

and she like. blew up that entire shit. that whole job i loved got blown up cuz i thought i trusted a person. like was it entirely her fault? obviously not. but that kind of shit.. it just hurt. the idea that i trusted her with my own shit years ago, then time and time again that blew up in my face until i just cant look back at any of it happily anymore makes me so upset. 8 years of a job i loved w a friend, and it all got ruined cuz i said 'hey by the way, im trans' and that spiralled into something stupid.

and i havent had a job since for SOOOOOOME REASON..... i sit at home doing fuck all cuz i cant stand the idea of being around anybody again. i dont trust anybody. i dont feel safe talking to people, being in public, having a job... its so stupid and i hate everything.

also the whole. got clocked and almost punched had my 6 ft brother not been standing near me at the time thing. so now i am uh. just completely agoraphobic.

anyway. sorry i am just in a bad place lately.

[tacomedli]

rant abt writing and stuff

UUUUUUUUUUUGHHHGHGHGH

i love my book. i love the story i've created, the characters, the vision of it in my head, everything.

but my worldbuilding and plot and such have all changed so MUCH since i started writing it. i'm ok with that, since i have a better idea now of what i want the story to look like, and one day i'll probably go back and change a lot of things to make the cringey, confusing beginning flow a lot better.

here's the problem though:

i'm sharing this story with some irl friends as i write it. so they have to deal with this really shitty first draft that has me figuring things out as i go and changing the setting and time period and whether there's magical elements or not. because it was a modern time period at first! and now it's some weird dystopian steampunk something or other with a fashion style that i see very clearly in my head but i don't even know what year it's from! i see this world so well in my head but i don't know how to describe it in a way that i feel they'll understand! especially since it's changed throughout the story!

i really made this hard for myself. in some ways i wish i could go back now and get rid of some of the things that are bothering me and causing story problems, but that's also really intimidating to think about.

i know if i go back now i'll get all bogged down in the details, and i don't know if i can fully fix everything properly yet when i still don't know what i want the ending to be.

and i'm excited for where i am in the story. i've been on the cusp of these REALLY exciting plot points for so long, and now i'm finally, FINALLY starting to reach them! this is where the good stuff really starts! this is where i can start adding the scenes i wrote ahead of time months and months and even a year ago!

and i know the ones that care will stick with it, and honestly they're following along pretty well. i'm just ashamed at how much it feels like a jumbled mess. i feel like my stress is causing my writing quality to go way down, because the only way i can get myself to actually write is to say "it's okay, let the writing be shitty now, you can always go back and edit it later"

which is technically good advice in general for me, but lately i haven't been going back and editing it before i show it to my friends, so i just feel really bad. normally i love editing but with how jumbled my chapters have been lately (writing scenes out of order and trying to piece them back together, lines of dialogue i like too much and refuse to delete despite them causing problems, not knowing wtf im doing with this plot, etc) it's a nightmare just to think about, so i just. don't.

maybe i should slow down my update schedule. but i'm worried i'll be letting them down, even if only 1-2 reliably read it and leave comments anymore. i'm afraid that if i write completely at my own pace, i won't write at all. and besides, i NEED those few comments to keep me going. to remind me that someone else is actually interested in this book.

so i keep writing this way. "it's a mess right now, they're reading it as a mess right now, but one day, when it's finished, you'll go back and rewrite what you need too."

which is, like, fine. it doens't bother me TOO much, i think venting abt it helps a lot, but i really want to print a couple copies when this is done, but i dont wanna print the shitty version, i wanna print the fixed version. and im worried that i won't actually fix it bc i have at LEAST two other unrelated books that i've promised myself for literal years that i would finish/rewrite, and i think about those almost as much as this one, ie daily

so idk what will happen. i guess i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. anyway i hope i have the energy to edit this current chapter before i update bc my self imposed deadline is coming up very soon and this one's another mess lmao