#i seriously dont understand how can you not see how harmful this mindset is

[emulation-0]

i actually cant stand people who dont know politics or watch the news because its "too much" or its "too complicated to keep track of" like actually kill yourself no one is asking you to glue your eyes to the news 24/7 but what good can you think possibly comes from not knowing what the fuck is going on around you and what your actions are doing. and these people are always the ones who are annoyingly centrist or "my politics are based on my moral compass" KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF KILL YOURSELF.

[ordonianhero]

Wild’s actions in the Sunset arc

DISCLAIMER: I would like to say I am not a licensed doctor or psychologist. I am taking this information based on things I have read and a bit of some personal experiences. Also like to note we are talking about fictional character, though we may feel a deep connection and see them as real through our own eyes, based on how we connect to them. So please dont take this too seriously.

So everyone remembers how Wild reacted when the shadow took Twilight down. He failed to listen to the Captain’s orders, and acting purely on emotion. Reckless. Most of wild’s reaction stems from his experiences with loosing people he cared for. PTSD if you want to call it that. However is you want to get much deeper into it beyond just “Oh well he watched all his friend’s die”, there’s a very deep underline reason as well and this is where in time with healing his impulsiveness will no longer be so and he will better think things through. An unconscious mind is never logical. It where all our feeling are driven by. It how we love,desire,fear,jealousy, sadness anger, and more. It drives our emotions and desires. His unconscious mind was working without the knowledge or control of a conscious mind. Our bains actually prepare for action 1/3 of a second before we consciously decide to act. Hence Wild acting with an unconscious mind. But who can blame him. I sure all of them wanted to react the way he did, he just happened to be the one who did what he did. Even if it ment putting his own life in danger. He just wasn’t thinking clearly and saw “red” as we can call it. So I even if he was to be thinking he was using his conscious decision, his unconscious mind actually made the decision for him.

Our conscious mind doesn’t control our emotions.

Now with that said, when it comes through experiencing things as traumatic as all the Links have experienced though their journeys before this very moment, it understandable why for some can be like Captain who knows they need to wipe out the rest of the enemies and avoid anyone else being injured, before taking on the challenge of taking on the shadow. Where as wild witness this evil thing hurt someone he deeply cares about and narrow focused on that instead of worrying about anything else. He was going to take revenge. Acting on emotion based on past experiences. There was nothing logical about it and its hard to understand this kind of behavior. Some might even want to say it could be about maturity as well, but I think no matter the age, we all been in a situation (and dont brush this off like “oh I would never do that, I would be like the Captain and know strategically they need to take on the rest before taking on shadow.”) where we responded through an unconscious mindset. Causing more harm then good in a situation. This how we get into emotional battle with friends instead of well communicating calmly in an emotion moment. I have done it and I have lost a few good friends cause of it. We make excuses like “Oh well-“ it doesn’t excuse the behavior. The lads havent had proper time to heal all their wounds and so their actions often reflect that of a unconscious mind. Why the Captain seem like he has a conscious mindset, cause he is trained in battle situations to know going in recklessly wont accomplish anything. Not saying he’s not emotional. Oh he is plenty emotional and probably hides it because in that moment emotions can not take part in that situation. At this point I think I have explained Wild behavior in the sunset arc.

So how can wild train to think more consciously then unconsciously? By liminal thinking, he can influence the unconscious mind. Giving back their ability to make rational and logical decisions. No longer influenced by illogically, emotionally,or irrational behavior. Reconditioning their unconscious mind. But again these are all fictional characters we are talking about, but in irl we as people can even train our minds to a more conscious way of thinking in emotional situations. WE are limited by what we pay attention to. Only noticing the things specific to ones immediate reality. The society someone grew up in, influencers in their lives and life experiences. Based on experiences and how one sees things, one makes assumptions. Through assumptions one draws their own conclusions and that how ones beliefs are formed. Beliefs being from everything what someone “knows’ to be true.

So wild in his reaction is was in the belief Twilight was dead, from the only info he was given. That he couldn’t be healed. There for dead. And that my friend is why Wild acting how he did, even when confronting Four. His unconscious mind was driving him.

Once he got away and mulled over it in a more conscious mind set, did he make something in hopes it could help. His emotions still there, but he was no longer being influenced by them. Thinking more logically. Not saying being emotional is wrong. I think everyone is allowed to feel their emotions, it more about what you do with them. You can be sad, mad, etc….and still be able to respond to thing in a less irrational way. Anywho. I think i said enough on this. I am curious what you all think? Feel free to share your thoughts. It’s encourage actually. Also there is no wrong answer here, everyone will have a different way of seeing things and that is completely valid. I just wanted to shared kind of a cool thing I learned that had me processing the whole sunset arc and wild’s behavior.

And as to what sparked this? I myself am going through therapy and going through the process of leaning to think with a more conscious mind then unconscious one when in tough situations. Just learning this stuff I find it pretty interesting and challenging at the same time. So that what got me thinking about Wild and is actions.

[bluntforceheadtrauma]

okay so weight/eating is a veryyyyy sensitive subject for some people as we know.

i had friends do this to me all the time. Especially when my friends who were rather thin would point out a fat person to poke fun at and im literally bigger than that person? or they are thin and call themselves fat, it's like, if you think youre fat, you must think im a whale or something! the only way i have mitigated this is to take focus off of my own self image first, bc you cant fight the internal AND outer battle of fatphobia. that is what this is-- your friend is unfortunately fat-phobic it seems which is often a side effect of low self esteem or having been shamed for being the weight they are-- so now they subconsciously do it to other people. your friend points out weight in photos, of people that arent even him and passes judgement onto them as though he is superior, when really it's massive inferiority complex bc some people see being thin as something to achieve-- rather than just accepting there will be all sorts of body size variations. Their focus is on skinniness, they see attractiveness in skinny people (not that they arent attractive dont get me wrong) but your friend idealizes these people because he wants to be that. so the way i would go about the situation is to remind yourself that he is thinking solely about his own body even when he is passing judgement onto others. Try to remove yourself from the equation as well because he doesnt intend to insult you and probably doesnt even realize that they are. appearance is everything to some people.

i think i would sit down with this friend and give it a precursor warning that it is a serious conversation, and if you feel it's appropriate, to warn them that the conversation you want to have involves weight and self image.

I would express my concerns more over his own perception of himself, and how he A) doesnt have the healthiest mindset when it comes to weight and B) you understand very well the struggles of self image in relation to weight, then bring up the sense of discomfort you get when they point out fat people. I would express to him that Fat is not a bad word, it is just a body shape. Some people have no control over their weight like i did due to medical problems, all fat people deserve respect, kindness, and so what if they ate their way into being overweight, as long as you are not actively hurting yourself with overeating-- then why care about someone else's weight? How does that person's weight effect him? seriously ask him that the next time he points out a fat person and ask "Well how does their weight effect you though?" because it literally does not effect him at all other than rehashing self harming behaviours of fat phobia and slinging it at a different person.

it probably feels better to put the focus on other people's weight than to accept his own.

But a concept needs to be driven home that weight does not effect worth, weight doesnt indicate anything, there may be a stigma and fatphobia but he is adding to the fatphobia rather than fighting it, and you'll probably want to ask him why he prefers fat phobia to fat positivity and it may give him something to think about as well as make him aware that you notice when he self deprecates or displays fatphobia. I would never outright directly say "youre fatphobic" bc that will just put him on defense. it needs to carefully be suggested

sorry for the unsolicited advice, i hope something in here is helpful for you and your friend <3

Hey nah no worries, I appreciate it a lot + am looking for a bit of advice when I make posts into questions like that

But I agree 100% It’s a self image issue I also feel having another perspective on how your words sound to others; realizing how rude your thoughts and feelings about your own body can sound to others helps me a lot with putting things into perspective. Like I try not to pass judgement on myself as much as possible not even for myself but more for the benefit of my own morals lol. If you think that stuff about yourself too long you will inevitably see yourself in others and will hate them for it too and not know why

[yammoba]

Im not done actually. I wanna talk about the specific kind of catharsis that i have only really gotten from ranfren and like, the hazel video about Elfin Lied.

I grew up on the internet. I spent a good portion of my youth using the internet to try to escape all the things that sucked in my life, my shitty friends, my body, feeling like a powerless idiot. Feeling like a total outcast because no one knew what wolf's rain was. I wrote edgy stories about assasins and murderers because that kind of stuff felt cool. (Serial killer ocs were everywhere it was hilarious) It felt like a way to state my individuality. It felt freeing to think about that kind of stuff when i was supposed to be a "good" kid. I watched elfin leid and thought it was the most deep anime i had ever seen (seriously go watch the hazel video about elfin leid, on youtube, she does a better job characterizing being this age at this time than i possibly could). I watched all sorts of edgy problematic skits and shit on youtube.

And i cannot stress enough how much 4chan was a central part of internet meme culture. But also saying this, it doesnt really explain, 4chan was a lot different back then. Now i think most people on the outside equate 4chan with /pol/, and while /pol/ is a scumhole of a board that does polute everything else, it isnt and never was the only thing on that site. There was more cross over between the various boards, and gamergate hadnt happened yet so, while "edgy" jokes were the norm it wasnt nessecarily about the actual meaning behind the jokes. It was more of an arms race to see who could be the most shocking. Pedobear was a widespread meme. He would just show up, the joke was, its a bear who likes to molest kids wow. But the "comedy" came from using him to twist stuff that would otherwise be inncocent. Im not saying its a good joke, i think its more that people have forgotten or never known the comedy was "supposed to" come from the shock, the subverted expectations of normalcy. South park shit. Though id argue south park is worse at actually promoting and spreading harmful mindsets the internet had a lot more genuiene connection and wholesome moments that made it a little more valueble than south park. But the two do kinda go hand in hand.

Of course there is something to be said of how this culture of offensive shock humor became firtile ground for alt right fuckos to spread their fucko shit to people who's brains were still developing. Im not trying to say that this era was a Good Thing, im just trying to explain some context as to why folks are able to forgive and look past these kinds of things, especially in cases where people have shown themselves to be different, even if they never "apologized". Its easy to look back and say everyone should have known better, especially an "adult" at age 23... guys i hate to tell you this but you dont automatically gain level 10 pure sight on the eve of your 18th birthday and are instantly able to see all the ways in which the world around you is wrong and fucked up. Especially if the general cultural vibe in the spaces you're hanging out in is "lets be fucked up on purpose because it fun and no one understands us anyways so lets see who can be the edgiest." Like yeah, we "should have known better". The general online culture has made vast strides in promoting acceptance and justice, even though theres a bunch of fucks up and stuggles that we are all still dealing with.

As someone who lived through that time, and used stuff like elfin leid, and higurashi and tohou memes and weird 2chan and 4chan memes as a way to cope, to escape how i felt, to feel like i was "in" on something. To feel like i wasnt alone. Both in a cultural "weeaboo" way and in a direct way. where i had online friends and we did edgy wolf rp and talked about our psychic assassin ocs with heterochromia and purple hair but made sure to give them lots of "flaws" because these werent mary sues no way only loosers have self insert mary sues.

Im referencing all these specific things because when i read randal's friends it was like someone took that time in my life, both the aesthetics (of anime, of the internet) and the feelings and wishes, the alienation. The feeling like a fucking weirdo but having to learn to take some kind of pride in that because i didnt really feel like i had anything else going for me. Feeling simultaneously above everyone because I had Refined taste, and like sewer scum because i just was. It took all that and presented this story thats like, ah yeah, -me too-. That was a fucking time wasnt it. It was pretty funny that we were like that, it was fun to have so few inhibitions. It was a time which we lived through. and it can just feel... validating to see a story that makes you feel in some way "no i wasnt alone". And its also just like, nostalgic. I think about this a lot but theres a certain kind of nostalgia that one can feel for things that werent nessecarily good. Or for things that were difficult or troublesome. The fact that the comic is on a neocities website is kind of the perfect example of this. Every webcomic used to have its own site, and you have to have a bookmarks folder for your webcomic and everyday (since most of those bitches didnt stick to a schedual) you would go through and check every website to see if there was an update.

Ughhhg, what im trying to get at is there are reasons why both the more "acceptable" parts of ranfren and the "problematic" elements of the comic are like part of the charm, because its cathartic and "nostalgic" and validating for someone like me, a weeaboo who got memepoisoned at too young of an age. And because that appeal is so specific to a certain part of the past it isnt like shocking that captain howdie has some not great stuff in the past. Nor is it really shocking that they havent felt like "adressing it and apologizing" or what ever the fuck some people claim to want.

Ill go through some of the stuff more specifically bc someone said they were curious, (might take me a bit i think i have a lot to say about the rats) but i felt like i had to try to explain why people (me) value this work, despite or in some aspects because of some of the more problematic elements. i dont even think i really did, its a difficult thing to express in words.

Tl;dr ranfren is pure catharsis for weeaboo weirdos who grew up during the darker ages. The bad things and the good things are part of that. There is not much that does as good of a job at being that.

[kaiwritess]

hii love! i think i have an emergency request? or idk really lol kill me anywaays, what would Daichi, Kuroo, Bokuto and Sugawara do if they found little notes in their so's phone/phonecase/wallet which are telling them not to eat, starve themselves and stuff like that? (1/4)

TW: EATING DISORDERS; CONTINUE WITH CAUTION

+ idk, i just feel my mindset going back to these kinda things and i know its bad but at the same time i dont want to stop, because i feel like i am in control and i dont want others to butt in and tell me to eat and stay fat, but then again, i would love to hear it from someone so that i would know that someone cares about me (2/4)

+ but i lowkey know that no one actually cares about me and im not important to anyone, so all i do is looking at myself in the mirror and crying and seeking comfort from fictional characters who would probably think that i am ugly and fat and hate me too oops🤷‍♀️ (3/4)

+ and i am sorry for dumping all of this on you, i promise i dont want to make you feel sorry for me or anything, it just came out? finally i could actually send it to someone instead of writing it into my journal, it lowkey made me feel better. okay so, if this triggers you, then please, feel free to ignore me, i know what this shit feels like, and the last thing i want to do is make you feel bad, seriously. and i am also sorry if seemed to be rude, i swear i know my manners, just not right now:(

author’s note: okay first things first, you don’t ever need to apologize for venting! i’m honored that you’re opening up to me, and it truly means a lot. i’m sorry this took some time to write, and in the end, this was more like how the guys would react, and less of what they would do, if that makes any sense. i’m certain that all the hq characters would aid you with recovery. and i know we don’t know each other in real life, but i wanted to let you know how proud i am of you for staying so strong. times get rough, and the fact that you’re staying strong is amazing. i love u so much, and thank you again for opening up.

S/O Has Harmful Notes in Their Belongings

Daichi Sawamura, Kuroo Tetsurou, Bokuto Kotarou, and Sugawara Koushi

trigger warning: eating disorders

[DAICHI SAWAMURA]

Daichi was always wary about your behavior. He picked up the small hints you unintentionally left behind, like how you always found an excuse to skip a meal.

His worries significantly increased when he began to notice the small notes in your wallet. Sure, there was a possibility that it could’ve been a grocery list, but every time you opened your wallet and saw the note, he saw how sad your eyes got.

He found out about the whole thing after he got a hold of your wallet. You dropped it while walking, and his curiosity got the best of him. As soon as he read what was on the piece of paper, his heart plummeted.

Daichi tries to avoid confrontation, but in circumstances like this, it seems like confrontation is the only option. Although he tries to bring it up calmly, Daichi finds himself having a difficult time forming words. What could he say to make you feel better? How can he help you?

“What have you been hiding? These notes... how long have you been carrying them?” his voice cracks.

From then on, Daichi will be monitoring every meal, making sure you’re getting enough nutrients. Despite all his actions, he can’t help but feel so helpless...

[KUROO TETSUROU]

Like Daichi, Kuroo was always concerned about your appetite. It didn’t help how you always avoided restaurant dates or anything that had to do with food for that matter.

Nevertheless, he brushed it off as you having a small stomach, which is something understandable as Kenma also barely has an appetite.

One day as you were walking to the grocery store, Kuroo noticed that you were holding a piece of paper. When he questioned you about it, you said it was a “to-do list for school”.

Kuroo saw through your lies easily (lying to him is one of the hardest things to do in the world), and immediately called you out on it. “You’re lying to me, aren’t you. Let me see it,” he said firmly, taking the note out of your hands. He read over the words at least ten times, each time beating himself up for brushing off the red flags you left behind.

Oh man, this dude is going to feel so guilty. He’ll probably blame himself for not being able to help you when the signs were glaringly obvious. By now, you’re crying, angry about how he found out.

All Kuroo can think of is helping you, and that’s it. Nothing else. He pulls you in for a tight embrace, unable to stand how you were dealing with alone. He says softly in your ear, “I’m so, so sorry for not noticing before. Please let me help you.”

[BOKUTO KOTAROU]

It’s no secret that Bokuto can be utterly oblivious sometimes. However, through Akaashi’s influence, he found himself improving on picking up important signs.

At first, Bokuto didn’t think much of your “unusual habits”. There were many times where you checked your phone before eating something, but hey, doesn’t everyone do that?

It became a routine. Before every meal, you checked your phone, turning the screen away from everyone else as if you were hiding something.

He found out what you were hiding in the middle of a coffee date. Bokuto was sitting beside you, trying his best to hold his tongue before saying or doing something stupid. You checked your phone as usual, but this time, Bokuto’s overwhelming curiosity made him act without thinking.

“Hey, what’s on your phone?” he asked, leaning towards you. Before you were able to close the notes app, he caught a glimpse of one, very concerning phrase: “Don’t eat a lot, or you’ll regret it.”

Everything clicked for him; all the times you checked your phone before every meal, how you had an unusually small appetite, etc..

For the first time, Bokuto is speechless. His eyes are wide and his mouth was slightly agape. You didn’t know what to say, nor could you think of an excuse for what was on your notes. Before you could even stammer out a syllable, Bokuto looked at you dead in the eyes with a look of pain, and whispered, “Why?”

[SUGAWARA KOUSHI]

Sugawara isn’t a stranger to the red flags of eating disorders. His incredibly perceptive nature allows him to notice the signs you leave behind, like how you barely eat any of the meals he cooks.

His concerns were confirmed after finding about your disorder unintentionally. Sugawara was helping you clean up your room when he discovered a little note that escaped from your bag. After reading the words you wrote, he dropped the note with various intense emotions.

Immediately confronts you about it. “[Y/N], can we talk?”// “What’s this?” he shows you the note with trembling hands.

You knew you were unable to make up a lie, and so you confessed about everything that was going on. The tears kept flowing, and you were so ashamed that Sugawara found out. You knew how much it hurt him.

After you told him everything, he started crying as well. He’s so thankful you told him, but at the same time, Sugawara felt so... scared. He hated how you did this to yourself, yet Sugawara doesn’t know how to help you recover. There was no promise that you wouldn’t do it again in the future as well.

Dropping to your knees, you let out the sobs you tried to hold back. You thought he would be mad, so you were surprised when his thumb wiped your tears away.

“I promise I’ll help you through this. You will not be alone, okay? So please... please let me into your heart.”

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Thanks for reading!

- Kai

[aenniesryu]

tsukikage middle school exes

tsukishima kei and kageyama tobio. both in their first year of high school and are also teammates since they played in the same vb team for their school

ofc everyone is well aware of the fact that these two kind of hated each other. not that it was an obvious fact to begin with since ever from the beginning the two would constantly bicker and throwing insults at one another

however, that was it. that was the only thing everyone knows about the two. the team even had to separate the two of them when things escalated quickly just to make sure none of them will started to throw fits

no one knows the actual reason as to why they would bicker every so often. the team just thought that the two have so different perceptions towards volleyball that makes them so hard to get along with

the team did tried to help them to get along but it just ended up with them constantly at each others throat arguing about whatever it is

what the team actually didnt know is that tsukishima and kageyama once dated back then in their middle school days.

so basically the entire thing going on between those two were just them being salty because of 1) the break up and also 2) their mindset when it comes to volleyball

tsukishima and kageyama once dated before despite them not attending the same school

but, both were living in the same neighbourhood and their houses were basically next to each other making it easier for them to constantly see each other

however, that was a year ago before kageyama's family decided to move to another neighbourhood

no, the break up was not because of them moving because they would still see each other if they put more efforts in it

the break up on the other hand was because of this one major thing. it was a silly reason but nevertheless it was the thing that made them broke up and that thing is volleyball

yes, volleyball. even tho both were playing for their respective teams back in middle school, their perspective when it comes to volleyball differs too much.

kageyama being the volleyball freak he is would just spent most of his times practicing his serve. even on the weekends. tsukishima, however didnt really took it seriously when it comes to volleyball ever since it was just a club anyway, right?

with kageyama spending more and more time with his practice, tsukishima was left alone. they barely even get to meet each other because of them being in different schools and then kageyama's free time was now full with volleyball alone

tsukishima might felt a lil bit jealous since kageyama, his boyfriend at that time would constantly talked about oikawa. it's always oikawa this and oikawa that. he knows kageyama only meant no harm and hes just looking up onto his senior who plays really well.

tsukishima was fine with that. yeah, he really does because never once did he ever tell kageyama to shut up whenever he talks about oikawa.

what was not fine was that kageyama spent the only free time they had on volleyball. it was the only time that they would be able to hang out and go outside but suddenly it stopped. no more seeing each other, no more dates and no more talking to each other

yes, kageyama did tell him over and over again that he feels sorry and that he just needs to prepare himself to be the best for their team

tsukishima did understand him but as time passed by, tsukishima became selfish. well that's what he thought. hes tired of waiting. he shouldn't be blamed when all he wanted was for his boyfriend attention

then 2 months before the very important match for kageyama, tsukishima went and break things off. and just like that they are no longer boyfriends or friends

kageyama moving to another neighbourhood just make things a lil bit easier since they wont be seeing each other anymore after the break up

"What the fck was that kageyama?" Tsukishima is now in rage with his once called boyfriend. They were in the middle of a practice match where they were divided into two different teams and just to make them work along together and maybe become friends, coach ukai and daichi thought it would be the best to put them into the same group. Oh how wrong they were because now they are fight again.

"I just did what's the best for the team. All you need to do is jump a lil bit higher than usual for that toss. you are already tall enough, make sure of it for once" kageyama was surprisingly calm when he said that but only god knows how scared he felt whenever tsukishima raised his voice at him because he got irritated. it wasnt a pleasant sight to see and get into especially when tsukishima is dmn mad. like the situation they are in now.

"yes my height alone is enough and that is why, you as the setter should take in mind that I would perfectly score if you just tossed me the ball right at where my hand can reach. making me go through all the hard work just to reach that fcking ball you threw is just wasting my energy" tsukishima is really not having it. not only did kageyama sent him a high ball, hes also pissed that kageyama made him wasted his energy in jumping higher than he normally do.

"excuse me? I'm just doing what's the best for the team. I'm taking out that fcking capability that you have in you that you decides to freaking hide and toss it away, just because you think putting an effort even the slightest of it into the match is a waste of your time" now kageyama started to boiled up. he knows that tsukishima has a lot of talent when it comes to volleyball, he knows that really well. perks of being his boyfriend throughout their middle school years. well honestly kageyama thinks tsukishima is just wasting his talent with his kind of mindset.

everyone at the gym are just staring and listening to them arguing. daichi was closed to tear them apart and continue with the practice match, but before he can do that sugawara stop him. daichi was not having it but sugawara had something else in mind. he thinks that maybe them arguing this time would make the rest of the team to get a grip on what making them argue in the first place. and maybe the truth would unfold without them needing to ask tsukishima and kageyama. coach ukai seems to have the same thoughts too since he make no moves in stopping them. so the team just understands and silently look at them and wait for more.

"I dont get your obsession with drawing the team's talent or whatsoever because you ended up getting more demanding. I thought you were a setter. didnt setter usually can already feel his teammates thoughts? im here just doing what I have to do during practice and waiting for it to end like it always did but you? you just have to screw up everything. im already tired but you clearly didnt see that! just what kind of a setter who acted like a dictator and yet hes not even the leader of the team? tell me!" tsukishima yelled his frustration out. he wants this to end just so he can go back to his house and do whatever he finds interesting. and basically volleyball is not one of them.

kageyama didnt said anything after that. he felt bad and all the memories from when his old team abandoned him during a play starter clouding his mind. to make it worse he's on the verge of breaking down. his eyes are filled with tears but he held them back. hearing those things from someone you love didnt really felt the greatest.

"what? now you decided to stayed silent? why? just realizing how my words are true and theres no point in denying it? did you ever just sit back and think about how your shitty your attitude is in court? about how tired your teammates felt trying to satisfy you? this is literally the reason why your old teammate decided to abandoned you in the middle of the match. because you are so demanding and it stresses them out more than the actual game is" just when he finished saying what he needed to say, kageyama slap him. when tsukishima turn to see him, kageyama is already crying.

"YOU! out of all people in this world should know how important volleyball is to me. you should've known that theres literally nothing I can do aside from volleyball. you shouldn't have said that if you know what I went through the entire year. and then at the end? what did I get? I get abandoned. not only by my teammates but I was also abandoned by my own family. just to make things even worse, you fcking break up with me at the times when I needed you the most kei. the one person i thought that would always stay by my side. but you didn't even listen to the shit I have to tell you because you completely shut me off. I went through every single thing alone. All by myself. I practice alone, think of the best strategies for my own team on my own because I was pressured AND threatened by the coach, I came back to an empty house and freaking live alone. theres no one I can even call and relied to!! I cant even call the person I love because hes sick of me. all I ever wanted was people to appreciate my efforts even tho it's only in volleyball. I wanted YOU to be proud of me above anything else because I cant reach your level when it comes to academic. I wanted to be perfect for you and all I ever wanted was for people around me to be proud of me for the one thing I'm capable of but all I get is people abandoning me!!"

silence. theres no sound can be heard in the gym aside from kageyama's heavy breathing. everyone is just stunned with the sudden confession. not only did they just heard kageyama's biggest fear but they also heard the part where he mentioned about their break up. tsukishima and kageyama were a thing before? they were dating? since when?"

"tobio-" tsukishima breaks the silence. hes panicking but he didn't know what do to because everything is just too sudden and all he can think of is how shitty of a boyfriend he was during the time that they were dating. thats what his brain has been saying. after all never once did he ever asked how kageyama was feeling. he was indeed selfish and everything is all his fault. if only he stayed-

kageyama seems to snapped back into reality when he heard tsukishima called him by his given name. he panicked. he just spilled everything in front of the team.

"i-im sorry. I should just go home. I'm really sorry you guys have to witness such a pity side of myself" kageyama chuckled and wipe his tears. "coach, i would like to take a break from the team for the time being. again, I'm sorry for the inconvenience. I'll see you guys later" and with that kageyama walked out of the gym ignoring his teammates eyes and the calls.

"what the hell just happened" tanaka said as the argument really is tensed and they literally just heard something that is kept secret between tsukishima and kageyama.

"tsuki, you and kageyama-" yamaguchi said softly as to not add any more anger in tsukishima. after all tsukishima kind of had an anger issue.

"ugh fuck, yes we did." tsukishima sigh. theres really nothing he can do. everyone knows and they probably think its his fault anyways. but the team has the opposite thoughts than him

"I honestly dont know what to say" sugawara said to him. he really wanted to help but it's not in his power to do so. all he can do is give them advice.

"ha, no need. I already know it's my fault. you guys can blame me. I would gladly accept it"

"What? No" were the replies he get from his team members. he was clueless coz after all kageyama wouldnt turn into a tyrant if only he stayed and didnt leave.

"we didnt blame you. both of you were young that time it was just normal for you to feel he loved you less. but you two lack in communication which leads to this whole entire mess. idk what you two went through and how long you've been together, it's not my business. but, all I can say is that you two need some closure. and clearly none of you even moved on from the past. arguing with each other every other day isnt the healthiest way to cope with the break up. just please sort this out with him. hes in pain and so are you." enoshita who has been quite the entire time decided to speak up. he do got a point especially with that lack communication between tsukishima and kageyama. sooner or later he needed to settle this whole mess before it started to drag the entire team. kageyama is the regular player in their team, and even with sugawara who can replace him as a setter, kageyama really is needed in the team. hinata also needed kageyama.

"I know I'm the last person you want to hear this from.. but tsukishima please bring kageyama back to the team. I needed him. the team too. and I think you needed him too. so please, I will do whatever it takes to help get him back into the team" hinata cried out. after all they were the freaky duo. they relied more on one another.

"but didnt kageyama only asked to take a break? it's not like he would just quit" nishinoya chipped in. "indeed he said that, but we are not sure on how long would the break be. it can be days, weeks, months and even years." coach ukai reasoned.

"let's just stop here. you guys can go home now. I will cancel tomorrow's practice so please just take a good rest. We'll continue our practice on the day after that. And you tsukishima" coach ukai added and turn to look at tsukishima with a soft look. It was a rare sight to see but they know it's for the best

"yes?"

"idk what you are planning to do. whether you sort things out and talk to kageyama or you didnt do anything about it is up to you. just clear out your minds whenever you came intl practice. we already less in one member, we didnt need to lose another one"

"thank you coach!"

listen, idek what I'm doing but I'm just gonna post this even tho I know it was bad because honestly when I reread this I felt truly nothing lmao but my friend said it was good/okay idk dont really trust her but hey, the very least I can do is post this here so I can move on(?) welp, enjoy ig.

[fairycosmos]

lmao im actually so desperate to die im considering swallowing two peach pits just to see if i will choke to death because nothing else ive tried has worked so far . you know what my life doesnt fucking matter ill do it. with my luck it wont work i feel im being punished and thats why i cant die. ill do it. if i dont get back to you something happened but i doubt it. im tired like you said i deserve peace. we do. bye maybe i hope this works this is pathetic but im desperate to die

hey, i'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way. it seems like you're totally overwhelmed right now and i completely understand how debilitating that can be. i know there's nothing i can do or say that will really change how awful it feels, and you're probably not in the headspace to read all this. but if you ever want to come back to it, it'll be here. maybe you could try some of these grounding exercises, here / here and here beforehand to get you in a place where you can focus a little. it's alright, there's no rush or pressure. i just wanted to say first of all that this is not pathetic in the slightest. sometimes the world gets on top of you and you go througn so much trauma and hurt that it really does feel like giving up is the only option. people can only take so much, and i get it. that's the trick of the suicidal brain though, i think. it uses life's suffering and your own past experiences to convince you that it is always going to be this way. to romanticize death and make it into something it isn't in your head. it is actually very hard to die, as i'm sure you know. and it's not the peaceful option or escape you're looking for, either. and the most paramount thing i want to say is that your life 100% does matter. this was never up for debate. you were born with an inherent worth and it hasn't went away just because you can no longer see it. you honestly can't fathom how you've impacted peoples lives, directly and indirectly, and even just the world itself. you don't have to be anybody but who you are, i promise, the whole point is just having the human experience you're having. you're fulfilling your purpose by existing, no matter how hard it is at times. i think it's a good sign that you reached out to me, i honestly think it shows that you have a lot of self awareness regarding what's going on and that you're truly capable of asking for the help that you need. you're not in a place right now where you can trust your thoughts and feelings, so it's good to seek an objective perspective from somebody else. this state of mind is so transient, it's so intense that it's not built to last. i'm not trying to downplay how unbelievably hard to live with, of course, but it can be freeing to acknowledge that this is not all there is, no matter how difficult it is to endure currently. you deserve to be here and to exist in a way that heals you, no matter what your mind is telling you. there can be a variety of underlying causes for suicidal feelings, and obviously they're very serious issues that need real medical attention in order to begin to overcome. but with that and with time, it is totally possible to learn to live a full live along side all you've been through. even though right now i'm sure that's the lastthhing on earth you want to do.

are you currently working with a mental health professional of any sort? your doctor, a therapist, a support group, even a hotline? if not, i would really urge you to get in touch with them as soon as possible. and if you already are, let them know where your thoughts are at lately so they can focus on upping your level of care. if you're worried about money, there are cost-effective choics available, like finding a therapist who offers a sliding scale price, or looking into mental health resources within your community. i know your brain is probably screaming at you to do the opposite, but i promise any baby step in the right direction is going to pay off. the prospect of reaching out and being honest is a daunting one, and i'm only bringing it up as something to consider at the moment (or when you feel able to) so please don't write it off all together. you don't have to do anything right now, just know you have options. you honestly do. and talking to someone really is not as bad as your brain is probably building it up to be. just like with physical illness, mental illness can be confronted and treated. it's all about learning how to manage your unique mind, and even if it takes a lifetime, it is so possible to lessen the frequency of episodes like this. or to become more prepared for them so they feel less erratic when they do occur. discussing about what you've been through, pinpointing root causes of your suicidal thoughts, learnng how to implement healthy coping mechanisms into your daily routine, building a support system, finding the medication for you if needed - all of this is going to make a tangible difference. it is not going to fix everything, obviously, but it is going to lighten the weight and broaden your perspective on yourself and on living. you deserve to be supported without judgement and with genuine care, you deserve to be listened to. there are a lot of people, professionals or otherwise, even just strangers like me, who are willing to filling that role for you.

idk how it is for you and i won't pretend to, but sometimes suicidal people don't want to lose their lives, they just want to stop living the way they are. with so much chaos and unresolved pain and exhaustion. you don't have to hurt yourself in order to get there. i know when you're in this mindset, any even slightly positive piece of advice just feels impossible to believe. but even if you can't seriously take it on board at the moment, i hope when you're in a more grounded place, you can at least consider as an alternative to absolute hopelessness. you may as well, because you are alive and that is not always going to feel like a curse. it is so hard to believe it, i get that, but it is a fundamental truth. you are in an extremely difficult moment but that is not your whole existence. the future is ever changing, and you've already made it through the past, so the only thing that really matters is this moment. focus on what you need, not what you want, but what you need to do right now to truly self - prioritize. even if that feels like the last thing on earth you want do. if self destruction and self harm was gonna make you feel better, it would've by now. welcome the idea of trying something new, maybe just the notion of attempting to guide yourself through this with a bit of self-compassion. please, if you feel like you are an immediate danger to yourself, please exercise any sense of self preservation/ survival instinct and call the authorities, a hotline or a friend/family member right away. no matter what bullshit your brain is telling you, no matter how heavy your heart is right now . everything is always always always changing and things are going to change beyond recognition, it's the one thing you can count on. you deserve to stick around to see it all, and once you've made the decision to do so, you won't feel so stuck and conflicted anymore. i'm going to leave some links that i think might help a little in this moment, but like i said, please call someone if you feel you can't be alone right now. i'm rooting for u a lot and i really hope you are able do the right thing for yourself. if it's all too hard, focus on getting through the next hour. if that's too much, the next minute. and if that's too much, the next second. break it down into what you can handle and let yourself live. and then just go from there. sending you all my love.

list of hotlines

coping with depression

coping with suicidal thoughts

so you feel like shit?

template for creating a safety plan

[crushing-on-nico-di-angelo]

hey i know you’re a minor so dont see this as me calling you out or correcting you or anything because you didnt do anything wrong!! i just wanted to tell you to please research mogai identities and how they are harmful to the lgbt community. it sucks seeing them on my dash, especially on the first day of pride month but i’m absolutely not blaming you!!! thank you

hello! I adore this ask, thank you for sending it to me! and I'd also like to thank you for the respectful tone you used when sending this, that was very nice!!

I talk about this alot but mainly on my other blog so I can understand not knowing this, but I Am Genderflux/fluid (still figuring that out) I Am Achillean and Sapphic, and I Am a Demiboy. I'm Queer. I identify under MOGAI terms.

But trust me, I wasn't always this way. when I was 12 and 13 years old, I identified as simply a bi trans boy. I was really into the discourse surrounding people in the MOGAI community (as well as transmeds and truscum and all that). I watched Kalvin Garrah all the time. I also harbored a lot of anxiety and a small bit of depression at this time. Mainly due to other things going on in my life but partially due to the fact that I wasn't trans "the right way"

I started closer examining myself and the discourse I was into. I realized: it doesn't harm me whatsoever.

the main argument I see over MOGAI discourse is that we (the lgbt community) won't be "taken seriously" by our oppressors. if they don't take "them" seriously, it won't be hard for them to just be homophobic in general.

But why would them being homophobic or transphobic have conditions? why can't they just not be those things?

I get it, it can be frustrating seeing people not do things the right way (different topic but similar sentiment). it makes things look worse for you, or at least it feels like it does.

however, in doing my research throughout those years of my life (and still today, when I read through exclus blogs and inclus blogs), I discovered that people are going to find excuses to be homophobic etc no matter what. Nothing I do with my own identity will fix or change that.

warning, I'm about to get a little negative in this next paragraph.

They're killing us out there. we have it better in the United States than in other countries, but everywhere in the world including where I live, they're killing us. they're "converting us." Their mindset is having us kill ourselves. I have nearly lost at least half of my friends to homophobia(luckily they're all alive and well, but there were too many close calls)-- some of them you might consider mogai, some not. Homophobia discriminates against all lgbtq+ people.

I think that making sure everyone knows they're welcome is a lot better to the lgbt community than anything else that I could say to them.

I Am An Inclusionary blog. I always will be. Anyone outside the norm who either has attraction to more than just the "other" gender (or no attraction at all!!) and/or identifies as something different than their agab-- thus is a safe space for you.

again anon, thank you for the respectful tone you used. I hope I also sounded respectful in this because I honestly do understand where you're coming from. I hope you have a great day and a happy pride month

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh... we have absolutely FAILED ppl with ea/ting disor.ders so fucking unimaginably bad, especially the visibly underweight ones. and we are still failing them to this day by avoiding valuable education out of discomfort and demonization. its genuinely appalling sometimes, to see just how Dangerously ignorant ppl are about this shit. bros listen 2 me rn. you are not a doctor, and you are Not going cure an ed with your almost laughably ignorant and malicious ‘reverse psychology’ bit where you call someone an ugly skeleton knocking on deaths door whos body needs to be banned from instagram forever, because you’re just ‘so scared theyre gonna die’ or w/e so you can legit pretend they dont exist, holy fucking Shit dude. that shame-and-shun tactic is so unbelievably dangerous. like, if you knew Anything REAL abt these disorders or frankly any mental health issues and cared enough to apply that then you would understand how thats just... pure cruelty. im sorry to be blunt but yeah this isnt a joke, it needs to be said that you are easily going to KILL SOMEONE with that kind of unfiltered uneducated IGNORANCE. it is inexcusably selfish, harmful, and ableist behavior, we have to stop this already.

imo there’s a Lot to be said about the toxicity spiral thats become the pro recovery movement and how much it rejects and speaks over the people its Supposed to support, becoming more about ‘anti symptoms’ than pro anything, but if you are gonna understand Anything new today at least learn this;;; hating yourself at unhealthy is Never ever going to be the key to loving yourself at healthy. being ashamed of yourself FOR being unhealthy, will NOT make you healthier, it’ll make you worse every time. im not tryna be mean but honestly how the actual FUCK do yalls brains work, it is SO wildly damaging to let yourself perpetuate this type of mindset, and then still claim pro recovery or w/e like recovery doesnt have to start at unhealthy??? like itll just happen overnight??? like that’ll help??? like if ppl catch you displaying symptoms of the disorder you LITERALLY HAVE, you arent allowed to talk abt it in any form without intense open negativity towards it and yourself, so ppl know ur definitely totally against it tho and not enabling urself, bc if you dont talk abt ur shame and embarrassment for it that means you arent recovering and need a mob after you??? thats how you think people are gonna get better????

ffs dont try to viciously shame yourself out of bad habits and treat your disorders like taboo, respect and love yourself wholly, the good and the bad, if you want to form better habits!!! ppl NEED to be encouraged to love themselves at unhealthy if they ever want to improve. you are not going to accidentally make them worse by not constantly shaming all their ‘flaws’, they are not MADE of ‘flaws’. by showing support for the mentally ill, you are not fucking supporting their ‘symptoms’, you are a supporting THE FUCKING PERSON EXPERIENCING THEM. and you DESPERATELY NEED TO DO THAT!! there is MORE TO THEM than their symptoms! there are things to COMPLIMENT them on besides their body! its gotten to this point that like. ppl are actually Afraid of just being nice to ppl with eds. they dont even wanna treat them like Humans outside of their disorder, all they see is a disorder. everyone is just SO afraid of ‘enabling’ them by not being vocally against their symptoms that they avoid them like the plague and dont even try to build them up, which is what they fucking need more than anything dude!! 

ppl think refusing to ever let an underweight person feel pretty or love their body where they are at is what they need and will force them to recover, or they think giving them goals like ‘you’ll be so much happier with a bigger body’ and ‘keep going one day you wont look so sick’ is at all different than their own internal dialogue, when the Truth (that people need to fucking know by now!), is that shame with mental health is incredibly dangerous, eds are diverse but theyre most often rooted in starvation as a form of self harm from an unwavering self hatred and feeling of failure or lack of control, one they already have deeply ingrained and will usually feel at Any Size, which is why so many feel unsatisfied and keep going and going till they die. the answer to this problem isnt gonna be inflicting more fucking self hate or pressure. thats gasoline on a fire. you cannot just try and. UNO REVERSE CARD THE ~RULES~ OF THEIR FUCKING MENTAL DISORDER and expect RECOVERY... oh my god dude, please, id laugh out loud if this wasnt so malicious.

listen, if you wanna help, like actually Care about Helping the way you claim the root of your attitude is, you need to make that person feel like they can love themselves, not try to make them ‘realize’ how ‘bad’ they are and how uncomfortable and scared they make you and how Not Allowed their behavior is, bc 1. body dysmorphia is a delusion,,, denial is a common association with addictive/self destructive behaviors,,,, you are going about it wrong if thats the first thing you try to accomplish, and 2. whether you like it or not ‘bad’ is gonna be your first checkpoint! who would be motivated to get better when all you’re doing is giving them an already failing grade and pushing them back??? 

you’re all just... so paralyzed by ignorant fear every time you interact with someone with an ed bc you are so fucking detached from it as a concept, but you wont LEARN how to BEHAVE AROUND THESE PPL! LIKE! and then you claim you act this way ‘because you care'. ok then why do you feel like you dont have to listen or learn??? why dont you see these tactics as needlessly cruel when its explained??? bc oh you cant ‘’’’’trust’’’’ ppl with eds to tell You how to help Them, right??? they’re probably lying, you know better than them ofc. smhhh, every other mental illness community gets to speak for themselves to the ppl without their experiences and therefore the ability to hurt them, sure, but not the sneaky ed people, they created pr.0/a.na/, (the ONLY existing space for encouraging mentally ill ppl in self destructive behaviors, obviously), so they dont know what they need, they have to be Told by Normal people bc their irrational brains are Just Too Broken. (/s)............ like.............?? it is Sooo fuckin prejudiced and disgusting tbh. we gotta do better than this. 

eds are almost completely left out of communities for mental health these days. its seriously so disappointing. if you ACTUALLY ‘care’, then ok you need to swallow your pride and do better, you need to Listen and not let your personal discomforts (genuine triggers excluded!) with their appearance or behaviors get in the way of how humanized and committed your decent treatment of their disorder is. tbr, sometimes you arent just ‘concerned’ about a person, sometimes how you go about your feelings is rooted in your inner urge to validate your own discomforts with them, which means it might end up more about you than about them, which hurts them. i mean for the love of god, these ppl are not ‘irresponsible’ for existing around others with their ~unhealthy bodies~, they are not a walking trigger and cant be treated like one, they arent contagious, they will not benefit mentally from hearing you say you think they should be physically banned from posting selfies or w/e, that isolation WONT prevent eds from ~~~spreading~~~ and will severely harm the person in question, you are not making a heroic decision to try and bully them away to ‘save’ others from ever being around them or save them from being around an “enabling” (supportive recovery/not shameful) community. you are not ‘fixing’ them by making them hate their underweight bodies. you’re LITERALLY just ignorant and prejudiced and ableist, your ideas are actually Very harmful, you are not a savior, you are making it worse, plain and simple. Please just start doing better already, its kind of a life or death situation here

[yellowbluemoonshine]

BNHA's War Arc; Some Details & Parallels

I wanna talk about the things i noticed in recent chapters. 1st one is about how peroid of story keeps changing. 2nd one is about the details of Shigaraki vs Endeavour. 3rd one is about parallels between some characters.

1) Periods of the Story;

a) Beatifull Lie;

Start of the manga, everything seemed more black and white. Allmight, The Symbole of Peace was out there. Story mostly focused on hero kids‘s training like how it supposed to be, they need to go to school. Villains look like a monster, inhuman evil. We got small hints of the broken society but just hints. Flaws were always there, everywhere but story didnt focus on that. Everything seemed more brignht, like nothing really wrong with the society they living.

- Kids were going to school, having trainings (like soldiers)

- Deku and Bakugou’s relationship was pretty abusive. Deku was scared of him, Bakugou wasnt taking seriously of him.

- Mostly heroes got character developments, we meet with the hero sides.

Everything changed after Allmight vs AFO. We are definitely supposed to root for Allmight here. AFO being manipulative and trying to control the fight. Meanwhile, Allmight is trying to protect people. 

Even there is a chapter named “ending o the beginning, beginning of the end” means things are changing.

b) Ugly Truth;

ith the end of the Allmight, story gets darker. Villains became more sempathic, more human, we meet with them. And heard the story from them, different perspective. First time, someone who is not Deku told the story us. We got villains backstories. This time, we got arc that we are supposed to root for League. They didnt fight against heroes. We saw the flaws of society that already there.

- Government preapered the children for war and they gave their training early than it supposed to be, despite some teacher’s worrying about them.

- Deku and Bakugou’s relationship became better, compared to before.

- Mostly villains got characters developments

c) Wake up;

And we enter a new arc, this time, everything changed again.

- Government sent sudents to the war and at the first time

- Proheroes are acting like villains / they dont acting like heroes at all. Miruko killed noumus, victims of mad scicences with enjoy. Mic and Aizawa came here for revenge

- League is the victims (and heroes) of this arc.

And wonder how it will contunie.

2) Parallels between scenes;

In stories when two scenes or characters drawn similarly, we are meant to compare them. Both similarities and differences together. With those fights, story change to next period with Allmight’s ending and with war arc.

I will get a little deeper now, under the cut.

a) Allmight vs AFO & Shigaraki vs Endeavour;

In this both scene, there is no 1 hero vs no 1 villain fight. Allmight’s priority was protecting people, he literally go there to save Bakugou. And to save him, he had to fight AFO. Endeavour’s priority was to end Shigaraki.

Problem here is Shigaraki is someone like Deku, Eri, victim. Shigaraki is similar to Allmight even his childhood friends think like that when he was young. Shigaraki is so kind just like Allmight that he would take outcasts and giving them a place. Shigaraki is someone who saves people who wont saved by society, its his origin. This is opposite of AFO cause AFO is someone who takes advantage of people’s pain.

And Endeavour is a hero who beats villains, unlike Allmight who saves people. Also Endeavour is a child abuser just like AFO. They both used children for their selfish desires, power.

So Shigaraki is someone who is more like Allmight meanwhile Endeavour is someone who is more like AFO. Allmight vs Afo fight was pretty black and white. But this fight is more like a fight between a child who was abused his all life vs the man who abused his kids his all life. In Allmight vs AFO, Afo was the one who controlled the fight, he played with Allmight’s emotions. In this fight, Endeavour is the one who tries to control Shigaraki.

b) Some details about this fight;

Of course, Shigaraki is someone who needs to be stopped, they just cant let him kill people after all.

But the theme of Shigaraki’s story is that he needs to be saved.

The theme of Endeavour’s story is he needs to atone what he did in the past. But the way he treats to Shigaraki is still horrible.

1- Endeavour saw what Ujiko did to these people, they are both parallels, they both experiment of people for their selfish desires. But Endeavour, someone who was supposed to feel guilty for what he did to his family has no empathy for Ujiko’s victims.

2- Not just that Endeavour didnt even know that Shigaraki could fet heal after being burnt but he didnt even care that. He almost killed him. I read an analysis that hero license is basically a licensce that give you a permission to kill which seems true.

3- The way Endeavour put his hand on Shigaraki’s face is literally symbolism of child abuse, the violence used by adults towards to children.

4- Shigaraki’s burnt face is just like exactly Dabi, Endeavour’s son. Endeavour’s son “died”, exactly like this but Endeavour has no hesitate to burn another child who is exact same age as his children and who was abused just like his children.

This is exactly the reason that Endeavour looks like horrible villain while Shigaraki looks like hero.

It’s not just about Shigaraki, its about Endeavour. This is not the actions of the man who truly face what he did. The way Endeavour (and proheroes) treats towards Shigaraki is horrible.

Yeah, Shigaraki is someone who needs to be stopped, he is dangerous but heroes have every proof the confirm his victimhood but they completely ignore it and treats him as monster.

I understand that they lost friends and they need to be carefull but Aizawa...the teachers of ue students, the caretaker of Eri, the friend of Shirakumo...how can you blame Shigaraki for everything? For the sake of taking him down? Really? Shigaraki is no different from Eri and Shirakumo but he is the one who is blamed for everything. Even AFO or Ujiko werent treated like that.

People like AFO, Ujiko, hero comission, they kidnaps people, manipulate them, use them, turning them to a weapons for their own goals and they watch the show from far away. Their victims are the ones who are getting hurted and they get away it cause they are hiding behind of the stage. And proheroes only look at the stage, surface of the mountain.

The point here is i think we are not supposed to root for Endeavour or proheroes anymore, especially at this point cause everything changed and mixed.

3) Parallels between Characters;

a) Shigaraki and Eri;

Shigaraki and Eri have a lot of parallels but i am gonna talk a few parallels between them happenned in recent chapters.

They both chose to go to hell that created by their abusers cause they literally al they know, they are used to being hurt.

Heroes came for them. But to save Eri, destroy Shigaraki. Reason is Overhaul made weapons from Eri’s body but AFO turned Shigaraki to completely a weapon

They both needed to wrapped them. Mirio came and wrapp Eri up cause she was hurted, she needed to feel warm.

Meanwhile, heroes are not going to do this for Shigaraki so he does it by himself. The reason he stole hero cape is literally because he needed. He was cold and he needed to wrapped up.

b) Shigaraki and Pop;

This one is parallel between bnha and vigilantes.

They were both kidnapped. Tenko when he was young, Pop was kidnapped in a near time.

They are both brainwashed and victims of mad sciences.

They are both hurts people and harm things right now, there is something wrong with their head. Queen bee controls Pop’s head meanwhile Shigaraki’s abuser AFO (the man who is famious with how much he is good at manipulating people, the man who rebuild Shigaraki’s mindset since he was kid) literally controls him from inside.

We saw both Tenko and Pop’s real dream and memories with their family/ mother. They both still the same child in deep, despite what happenning to them or what they are doing rignt now. Despite everything, in deep they are still the same children who needs to be saved.

And Endeavour and proheroes fighting against them, instead of saving them. Not just fighting, they literally try to kill them.

I think in the end, Pop will be saved cause there are people wno knows her personally and wants to save her. But none of the hero side know Shigaraki personally, forget attempting to save him, they dont even see him as victim.

Just interesting details. I wrote it very randomly, there might be things i forgot to mention. For now, thats it.

[zekhromss]

i think it’s interesting how we as a Society treat masochism very differently than say, sadism, despite them being nearly the same thing.  also this isnt about kinky shit this is about physically doing harm to yourself/others.

and in part, i know it’s because masochism can manifest in any way, youre not always capable of seeing someone being particularly masochistic.  but i think we should, because it’s not a mindset thats productive for oneself or...anyone.

when we see someone doing any kind of harm to themselves, the immediate response is never “you need to stop”, even if it’s of equal or greater intensity than the harm someone would perform on someone else in the pursuit of sadism.  we think it’s different because this person would know their own limits, would know when enough is enough.  and since theyre doing it to themselves, is it our place to tell them to stop?

but since it’s a subconscious response, is the person in question aware of what theyre doing?  obviously if you saw someone physically cutting themselves, physically causing mutilation like that, youd tell them to stop, or encourage them to do so.  but that’s an action that has direct repercussions; the person in question can see what theyve done and in many cases, regret their decision.

but what about less extreme masochism?  what about the little things, like intentionally cutting off circulation because they enjoy the feeling of “sleep limbs”?  what about drinking too much caffeine because you enjoy the feeling of your heart racing and the sound of blood in your ears?  what about intentionally depriving yourself of sleep, what about intentionally depriving oneself of nourishment (not in excess)?

these things, as theyre not directly causing harm, arent things we ever take seriously.  drinking excessive caffeine is seen as harmless fun (we all need caffeine, dont we?), everyone does sleepless nights, everyone has some kind of issue where we skip meals.  so is it masochism, or is it simply being human?  are all humans predisposed to self-torture?  why?  is it the rush of adrenaline the body gives us when it’s in danger, is it an abuse of your bodys natural response to pain?  are masochists therefore more likely to abuse substances because theyve become dependent on the rush of euphoria that follows temporary inconvenience?  this could be true, as we see people who willingly put themselves into extremely stressful situations and workplaces where denying yourself the pleasures of life in pursuit of monetary gain typically fall onto harder drugs, like cocaine or heroin (speaking specifically on office workers, who are encouraged to outdo everyone else for personal gain).

has society encouraged the rise of casual masochism, which then in turn puts more people at risk?  have we created a world where there’s no other stimulus, and most people arent willing to become sadistic to get out their need for some kind of pain response?  is that why we view these tiny acts of self-harm as admirable or necessary?

human beings are empathetic and kind beings; we have a sense of community and morality which tells us Hurting Others is bad. if you intentionally cause harm to others, youre rightfully shamed from society (excluding CEOs, etc. because theyve long since revoked the title of human imo, also going into propaganda, etc is just gonna bring me off-topic).

but what if we viewed the Self as a separate being?  you are unaware of your subconscious mind, you dont know what it wants, you arent aware of what it’s doing.  most “borderline” masochistic tendencies (even so far as nail-biting until it causes pain), arent conscious actions.  you dont choose to do them; your brain sends an encrypted signal and you just...do it.  so then, is masochism a primitive response?  do we have control over what we do to ourselves?  is sadism, by extension, the same thing?  do they choose to want to harm others?  why is masochism seen as admirable and level-headed, and sadism seen as a conscious decision?  is it just because we know hurting others is morally wrong, and we dont consider ourselves to be counted as an Other to be hurting?

the real answer, obviously, is our impression of empathy.  the existence of consent.  you shouldnt burn someone else, thats a whole other person who doesnt deserve to be put through what youve decided you want to do to them.  you can burn yourself (though you shouldnt), because you have decided that thats...what you want to do.

the reality of the situation is that, comparing masochism to sadism is impossible.  sure, they may be rooted in the mind’s desire for pain, but they are fundamentally different, because one is choosing for others and one is choosing for yourself.  but they should be considered one and the same in spite of this.  

people who are, for lack of a better term, “normal” (rather, neurotypical), would typically never do either.  they dont understand why youd want to hurt somebody else, and they dont understand why youd want to hurt yourself.  sadistic and masochistic tendencies are likely caused by some form of neurodivergence that separates you from your own subconscious mind.  you dont get a rush from normal activities, you need to take out your frustration and feelings of “lack of personhood” to remind yourself youre human, or someone else is human (for masochism and sadism, respectively).

this isnt to say if youre neurodivergent, it’s alright to do either one (because it isnt).  it’s also not to say if you are neurodivergent, youre absolutely going to be inclined to take one of the two paths (or both!).  i suffer from sado-masochistic tendencies, but the only reason i possess either one is...because i either:

1) decide “i” have done something that requires punishment (violence on “other”)

2) decide “i” have a requirement to be punished (violence on “self”),

and this is determined by “who i am” at the time.  it should be noted that since i am still “the same person”, both of these mental decisions could be considered masochistic in nature, regardless of if i feel like i’m doing harm to myself in some cases.

fact of the matter is, we are all prone to masochism.  we do not view it as violence (before it gets excessive and physically mutilating in nature), we view it as discipline.  we view it as self-help (wrongfully).  we dont view it as real harm, because we view it as “they are in control.  they know what theyre doing to themselves”.

but i believe we should all consider ourselves as Others.  if you wouldnt deprive another human of nourishment, if you wouldnt deprive someone of sleep, if you wouldnt file down someones nails until they bled, if you wouldnt junk someone up on caffeine to see what it does to them, what any of it does to them, you should keep an eye open for you doing it to yourself.  because you are still a human, you are still a person, you can have a higher tolerance for pain and still not feel it necessary to provoke that.  you have to be aware of what youre truly craving, and replace the pain response with that.

masochism is merely sadism.  you are sadistic with yourself.  you torture yourself.  you knowingly cause yourself stress and pain, and why?  because you do not feel as though it has repercussions.  but then youre no different from an “actual” sadist who tortures others because they believe it has no repercussions.  you have to view yourself as a person, as someone capable of being severely harmed.  you have to look on your actions and think “would this traumatize someone”, because then youre traumatizing yourself.  nobody even has to do anything; youre triggering a panic response and causing psychological harm.  now you cant trust yourself because youd do something so violent and vile.  but youve done it to yourself, so who’s to blame?  would your brain really make you do something that would cause so much harm?  if your brain does it, then is it really that bad if someone else were to do it to you?  and then rinse and repeat until youre potentially looking for someone else to do it to you, so you can test your own hypothesis.

in conclusion, masochism and sadism are not held to the same terms on account of the context.  but that isnt to say they arent two sides of the same coin; they cannot be rightfully compared, but that does not make them inherently mutually exclusive.  by taking advantage of potential neurodivergence, and acknowledging what a “lack of Self” can do to your brain to make you a target of your own latent abusive tendencies, you can take steps to eliminate that response to panic (inclusive of rage, depression, apathy, dissociation, etc.) and instead focus on what you would do if you had to face yourself as a separate person.  instead of keeping yourself awake for nights on end because “i havent finished this, im too stressed, i deserve to be harmed because i didnt complete this task”, consider the fact that doing that to yourself will have no differing results than if you tortured a colleague and friend with sleeplessness; it will not work, it will only make them less inclined and capable of performing whatever task they (you) didnt initially complete to provoke that reaction.  be kind to yourself.

[robertsbutt]

loooooooooove love love these panel shots

you might think im abt to impose another stupid “lOOK HOW SIMILAR” statement but im doing this to illustrate just how different (surprise!) the protags of knb and rxl are today

to first brief over robo’s personality

stupidly honest, annoyingly methodical, straight-laced, can never take a hint, always unimpressed and expressionless: that’s how robo was introduced to us and that’s how he acts in reality, but alr the danger of falling under a subconscious impression is present not even 5 pages past the pilot chap

i could tackle each of his traits as more examples turn up in the future (as long as robo continues acting like himself these examples will turn up - eventually - whether we like it or not) but i’ll just take “can never take a hint” at random: it’s not bc he’s incapable of processing the atmosphere that he ends up never taking a hint. these traits are the result of his actions rather than a cause so as such, you could even apply a clear logic on the process that leads to him being “stupidly honest” or “always unimpressed” and/or some of his other traits that are, i think tragically, the only things to appear in public view in the end

he “can never take a hint” because -> robo isn’t somebody who wld conform to social norms. you can flip the order if you find this confusing: there are ppl who cld be desperate to conform to social norms but genuinely lack the ability to pick up on cues and hints while in the case of robo, he’s adequately aware of these stuff like your average person

what isn’t average is his mindset and not his instinctual reception. we’ve seen it many times in fact in just the course of 8 chaps? reviewing their situation word by word when tomoya dragged him along to test his new club might (sadly to a superficial glance) have made robo appear stunted when he simply happens to be the owner of a very lucid and invigorative mind? bc “methodical” happens to be the way he works as a person - which is why he voices it out and works the problem as a series of steps, but when you see him saying stuff like these

i dont get how anybody can continue to think he’s unable to get social cues. he continues to break them due to a raw ferocity in his unrelenting attitude and not bc he doesn’t truly understand what it signifies. or do you assume robo’s thinking something as idiotically basic as “i’ll just apologize first?”

well that’s the thing, given his traits it’s ridiculously easy to join it up like that saying robo’s “a weird kid” or “means no harm” when that cldn’t be further frm who he is: he’s one grounded and incredibly logical kid who isn’t as removed frm social cues as his enigma might have you think. give him 2 lifetimes and he’ll still never be somebody who “accidentally caused harm,” robo is no scatterbrain

that doesn’t mean he’s causing harm on purpose, or causing harm period. he’s too busy burning himself with his own ferocity which, coincidentally, is one of the furthest points that sets him apart frm kuroko

so ye let’s get this essay on the road

in both stories and at least of what i’ve seen in rxl so far, it’s a fact that the protags are occupied with a single, major task - but robo and kuroko are occupied with vastly diff tasks

kuroko has never been abt self-upgrade. kuroko is not a person whose story wld ever be concerned with re-evaluations, painful metamorphoses or discoveries of “who am i” - knb was a huge, huge story delivered just for kuroko’s ideals. and get this, he doesn’t own the ideals. the ideals own him.

that’s how he is as a person and that’s completely ok but it’s thanks to this - the layout of the story or otherwise - that funnily i don’t think the narratives were blatant and introductory enough with kuroko’s character as a person (for ppl to pick up frm the get go)

up till this day i hesitate to call him “kind” bc these are his concepts and ideals you’re seeing. it’s not “kindness” as a force in itself and, while im mostly neutral and even like kuroko (not slandering him just so you know), i’ll never hesitate to serve the reminder that “yes he did use kagami knowingly” or that he often, literally, is unable to see or think anything else if his ideals have been impeached. it’s not egocentric either (fujimakki’s characs are forever complex and i love it sfm) kuroko is whole-hearted and void of his own person when it comes to these ideals. or you cld say his person is those ideals.

so when ppl end up calling him “crazy/amazingly devoted” or “goes to insurmountable lengths for his friends” im like “...that’s not wrong” but it’s probably not the intended meaning most ppl have either. like i said fujimakki’s characs are complex and you often, if not always, can never take what you see for their surface value. nothing is as simple as that in sensei’s stories.

none of their personalities have been touched out in the open in knb believe it or not. it’s there when you wanna think abt who each of them are as a person but with the basketball plot gliding us over, who’s got time or the immediate interest for that ey? the intensity of the matches are fucking electrifying, you’ve got focused and determined players to watch and all is good -- but matches are just one part of the players who only assume their form as players when they step on the court

a human being is really complex and made of many infinitely smaller layers

and kuroko? i’ll break it down for you

he’s got a temper

a joker

appreciates idyllic times

mischievous (yes)

tAUNTS PPL

idk abt kind but he is indeed warm

contented to live a simple life

now here’s an impt one: he’s full of energy

it’s his body that can’t keep up, not him

and energy doesn’t mean you have to exert it like hayama

i think you can see he’s having fun: he runs and trains on the court with the mindset that he’s a very regular guy with a very regular stamina despite his (lack of) strength which is why he pukes and hacks and faints so often

and he just lets it come like some fucking joker

idk he’s just so full of energy this little fucker

it’s like this: he doesn’t actively go against the fact that his body is feeble and flimsy

but he’s so idgaf and comfortably spirited that he probably thinks it’s funny when his body does stop listening (which is every time)

and since he’s well-aware his condition is like that anyway he’s just gonna train like a regular person and listen to his body when it comes (read: collapses)

which is why he can puke, and puke so blatantly well

he’s not resisting anything be it the exhaustion that saps his body of what remaining strength it has, or the tired condition of his body

he embraces it all amazingly well imo, while it’s unfortunate for ppl like momoi who wld worry for him

but i also think this is another great attitude just as is kasamatsu-senpai’s methodology (taking impressive, measured care)

since measured care isn’t for everybody tbfh, likewise with kuroko’s method: tailoring each to their own is still the fucking best

i think enough on kuroko i like robo more than him i shld be moving on

roboooooooo homeboyyyyyyy um but, well, ok, first of all

he’s serious

like... god honest he’s a serious kid. ppl say these protags are similar in their dead fish eyes and general taciturn attitude but kuroko is the way he is bc he likes the idea of relaxed and you wont ever catch him being uptight or having exaggerated responses to things the way kagami or hyuuga or aomine do (tho expressive responses is actually the norm for ppl lol)

it’s kuroko’s way of life, having a more relaxed attitude than most, why else wld he find kagami’s responses entertaining if he didn’t understand what made it funny? (dont go there you know this fucker is having fun at kagamin’s expense)

while in robo’s case it’s hardly “relaxed anything” and he genuinely wldn’t find what tickles kuroko’s bone to be funny. he’s a serious kid omg and im even glad we’re having a serious protag (for no reason other than me being a sucker for them). robo’s taciturn attitude is a direct result of his seriousness

ok, example

@ the size of kagamin’s apmt he says it with a straight face and actually means it

none of that “im secretly being a joker” (which makes him god tier imo) bc rmb what i said abt this idiot having a temper

lesser characs in other series, when given a line like kuroko’s, are kind-hearted, mean absolutely no harm with their words and are playing around with whoever they says this to but kuroko, along with his “im gonna get angry” when kagamin didn’t exactly startle him shows that he has a actual personality that is as complex as any other human (not what i wanted to point out but since im on it)

some might say it’s just kuroko not being as kind-hearted as others but i appreciate that he’s complex and not all “friends and friends we have a good time and we hold hands” despite what ppl might say of seirin

but yes that’s not the point i wanted to talk abt the humor

tho he’s not being a joker in this scene like he is when he chases kagamin with nigou that’s an very obvious sense of humor in his statement (no matter how wry)

but

and

the 2nd example cldn’t be more obvious? in knb kagamin doesn’t even do anything to incite kuroko’s biting remarks (is it his fault that his apmt is huge? really? the guy wasn’t even flaunting but kuroko tsukkomis due to his sense of humor anyway. does he really feel that mad that kagamin’s got such a spacious living space or that kagamin is living so comfortably bc he can be seriously evil towards the guy even if it fuels my kgkr needs horribly)

(no, for the record it’s not your everyday “i tease you bc i like you,” kuroko means it. he motherfucking means it bc why else wld i had felt slightly uncomfy for reasons i cldn’t explain when i witnessed the way he tortures kagamin)

while in rxl

tomoya cldn’t incite anything better in his entire presence but i feel like robo, rather politely, closes it down like a sane person every time. bc he doesn’t feel any malicious intent towards tomoya and they’re actually getting along as friends despite what you may see as a simple comedy scene bc it’s how they operate/spend time tgt/get to know and understand with their differences

i feel like this single “tomoya, i told you to stop it” with the severely exaggerated way tomo is acting is...... the very essence of robo on display for the audience. robo is serious as in his innate attitude and responses to things, not that austere is the manner in which he conducts his life

proof: he went to fucking karaoke instead of declining? break down of robo cuz im getting tired

all the above traits abt him frm pilot chap

currently searching abt sth with himself

ok with most events (he ends up getting dragged by tomo even if he hasn’t fully comprehended why he has to be there, or is it “before he has”)

the stuff he brings up or replies in a convo are like your average person

^ hello, important????? a very normal and average person

esp this “wait, i can’t exactly say i’ve decided to join”

on other more vibrant characs they’d be like “who said anything lilke that?!” or “eh...? that’s not what i said...” but robo’s reaction is the perfect picture of normalcy bc it’s impt to point out the ambiguous decision left in joining in a situation like that tbh

maybe one of his traits has to be changed to “extremely methodical”

brash and excessively bold when something illogical happens, not like a switch but a necessity to prevent further ill logic frm spreading

logic is obviously a significant matter to robo

standard kindness

[groundramon]

Let me be very clear:

- it is homophobic to say gay people cant be villains

- it is racist to say POC can’t be villains

- it is transphobic to say nonbinary people cant be villains

- so on and so forth

To say “no, gay people cant be *insert non-sexuality-based thing here* in fiction” is homophobic.  You are saying a gay person cannot be something a straight person can be.  You are saying that on the basis of sexuality, gay people cannot be something straight people can be.  This applies to stuff like...being attracted to the opposite gender (unless they’re bi or pan, in which case they can be attracted to both and still call themselves gay) or heteronormativity, but other than that?  No, a gay person can be anything a straight person can be.

Am I saying that a gay stereotype isn’t offensive?  No, not at all.  But you need to have context to the show and context to the creative process.  A flamboyant gay man who is clearly demonized for his sexuality is offensive.  But a gay man who happens to be flamboyant, as well as many other things (perhaps nerdy, overly enthusiastic about his interests, ect), is not an offensive stereotype - ESPECIALLY if he’s in a story with a bunch of other gay men.

My point is, Joseph in Dream Daddy?  Call it a missed opportunity if you’d like, avoid the game if you’re personally uncomfortable with it all you want (seriously if someone tries to shame you for personally being uncomfortable with it then slap them, you’re by no means required to like the game), but for christ’s sake, demonizing the game and the creators and saying to steal from them is fucking ridiculous and gross.  First off I dont think turning into FUCKING SATAN is a gay stereotype, but if you’re arguing that “oh he could’ve been a great example of a religious gay person”/”homophobes often view the LGBT community as a cult of sorts” then yeah I see your point on how he himself could have some bad implications but...he’s in a game full of single men and single dads?  Were it him on his own then yes, he could unintentionally spread some harmful assumptions about gay people.  But any homophobic mindsets he’d spread are immediately canceled out by the fact that he’s IN A DATING SIMULATOR FULL OF GAY DADS, said gay dads are also well-rounded and lovable characters.  He basically cant contribute to homophobia because he’s locked in a cage full of gay positivity.  Also, a bunch of LGBT+ people worked on the game, so you’re literally calling LGBT+ creators working on an LGBT+ game homophobic and saying that stealing from them is okay.  Nice.  See it’s people like you that are the reason we dont have more LGBT+ creators, but I digress.

I am SO TIRED of hearing “dont make fat characters like food!!” because I know the people who say these kinds of things have good intentions, but you’re focusing on the wrong issue.  The issue is when it’s their only defining trait, or their main defining trait, or one of their main defining traits.  The issue is NOT that they like food.  I’m sick and tired of hearing “Steven and Amethyst are fatphobic” because no, no they fucking aren’t, please stop.  Steven isn’t even shown to like food that much and Amethyst has a lot more to her than the fact that she eats everything.  Amethyst’s love of food is used as a comic relief every few episodes.  That’s it.  And Steven?  The first episode happened, but after that...?  He’s not shown to like food anymore than any other kid.  You’re making me feel bad because I’m a fat person who likes food.  Like I’m all for fat characters having personalities that dont include that personality quirk, but you need to not immediately get up in arms just because a fat character likes food and instead focus on the fat characters that ARE no more than stereotypes.

I get that homophobia and fatphobia are on two different levels as far as stakes go (to the point where I dont even like calling it “fatphobia” but whatever I’m too lazy to not use that term) but it’s the same mindset.  Saying that a character of a certain minority group cannot be a certain vague thing without it being racist/sexist/homophobic/transphobic/fatphobic/ect is bigoted against said minority group, and I will defend that mindset to my grave.

“Oh but you shouldn’t speak over gay people1!!!”  Listen.  You’re are FREE to be uncomfortable with the game.  I am completely okay if the concept makes you uncomfortable, and I apologize if it’s plastered all over your dash and your blacklist feature can’t get it, or whatever else. (BTW I dont tag Dream Daddy half the time so if you follow me and the game makes you uncomfortable, or any other game/show makes you uncomfortable for that matter, feel free to ask me to tag it!)  You shouldn’t be forced to be exposed to something that you dont like.  But you also shouldn’t force people to not enjoy something just because you find fault with it, and you ESPECIALLY shouldn’t encourage people to FUCKING PIRATE IT.  As I mentioned earlier, YOU ARE TAKING AWAY FROM THE VERY LGBT+ CONTENT CREATORS YOU CLAIM TO BE SUPPORTING.  And besides that, I’m not going to fucking call up my gay friends and be like “uhhh hey can you support what I’m saying so I dont look like a homophobic prick?” because that’s 10x more homophobic than anything I’ve said here.  I’m not speaking over gay people, I’m just agreeing with gay people that disagree with you.  “Listen to gay people” applies to gay people that disagree with you, you know; it’s not a free pass to shut up straight and ace/aro people.

I’ve seen people call Steven Universe homophobic for falling back on too many stereotypes that could give viewers bad impressions of lesbians.  Steven Universe.  And you know what?  Those people express their concerns in a fair, understandable way, and they are 100% allowed to do that and I encourage them to continue dissecting SU as such.  Even overanalysis is beneficial to the content creator.  But SU is also created by a bisexual woman and loved by millions of LGBT+ fans, many of whom have said they’ve become more comfortable with themselves because of SU or have otherwise been helped by the show.  To say that it’s 100% homophobic and enjoying it as pro-LGBT is wrong and that people should be shamed for doing such is taking away other LGBT+ people’s right to enjoy something they love.  Again, “listen to gay people” applies to gay people that disagree with you, too.  You need to listen to them to the same extent that you expect them to listen to you.

But point being, the fact that people are analyzing Joseph’s arc as problematic is okay.  My problem is forcing that on other people.  Making people hate a game even though it brought them some joy at one point because of how you interpreted something, ignoring how revolutionary said game or piece of media is.  Something can be revolutionary and still have problems, so you’re allowed to nitpick and analyze.  But don’t force other people into the same bubble of overanalysis that you’ve found yourself in.

Let people enjoy Dream Daddy without accusing them of being horrible mlm fetishists.  I know for a fact that while I’m sure there are some fetish fans out there, there are plenty more who are in it for the representation and the cute storyline.

[dpdr-dreams]

hi, i was wondering how i can get diagnosis independently such as online or something because im finding it difficult to tell m y parents about my symptoms. im regularly dissociating and nothing feels real and im constantly suicidal and have intrusive thoughts and do impulsive things like harming myself,,, i need answers

HI anon ! Thank you so much for your ask !

depending what you want from a diagnosis will depend where you go. I’m glad you're talking about your worries about parental involvement into your health, as i actually was referred without parental involvement at all to my child and adolescent mental health service (uk mental health system) ! be it from the issues being sources from home/ worried about parents potential negative outlook to treatment or diagnosis/ family circumstance which can in turn result in a difficult treatment process as you can already be maybe experiencing , but i strongly still advise if there’s a way to educate (if its not a case of safety or worsening mental health obviously) parents, family or gradually open debates on general mental health or provide a way for any parent or carer to then be in a better mindset and moral position to help you when you may need it most or support you along treatment, and if this is not possible find friends you can be open with or a teacher, therapist, social worker/counselor, just someone you can trust ! :). some adult try to think of (especially their) children in the best light so mental health issues can be a little confusing and feel most helpful cover it up (till its over) kinda thing (which any professional will tell you ‘off the bat’ is not how it works with mental health, brain is an organ that requires care on top of that body part being also linked up to your whole body, so is a priority and no care can make things much worse) especially very confusing for a parent or someone who has never experienced dissociation before. thats my step one, step two is back to thinking who to ask! so, for example, if your looking for help with your symptoms or a treatment path, but step one if family isnt working out right now or you don’t feel now is the right time (which i understand, and agree with you if thats your choice trust me aha) i would recommend counselors that can work into your school schedule with our disrupting a school timetable and take notes of symptoms and then transfer them to a phycologist that can privately come in for you to meet with you outside of school, remember often admitting discomfort around parental involvement is often respected and makes things easier! if your not at school or uni/college a local church or temple will have someone you can talk to and they tend to be a lot more private with information, as they won’t, have a name and document attached to you like in a school setting, but can be a more lengthy wait to meet a genuine diagnostic phycologist who can recommend you then for dpdr treatment as unlike a school there’s no laws ensuring time limits for waits, but i can almost guarantee they will know your local centers or services specific to you too during that wait.  ,or if you’re rather looking for the validation of a diagnosis and less of a treatment (which i do not recommend without then digging further for treatment after diagnosis as of the serious nature of dpdr) making appointments with your doctor and use key symptoms and words, bring up dpdr prior if possible, on phone or email etc and prepare your doctor to learn about dissociation before appointment as they will be a general practitioner and likely not even be aware of dissociation so dont let this hold you back from receiving help., use bus routes and learn your transport to your doctors and work out how to get there by yourself or with non-family related transport like friends etc. if being physically present for an appointment doesn’t work discuss with local church/temple or school to write a recommendation for as you said ‘online’ are “skype”/video call or “phone based” therapies and appointments which my university has and i believe is a method being implemented universally around the world atm, although I’m not sure how comfortable most diagnostic doctors are with creating a fully diagnosable profile of a person without seeing you interact in real terms with them and talk face to face but this can help create a profile, speed up the whole process, as less in centre time for a doctor to schedule and limit total of parental questioning visits out of the house without an excuse if your a bad liar like me aha. if your still worried about your privacy? discuss legality of search up on your age and information sharing laws of where you live. but this should in no shape of form limit your ability to get support when you need it, so don't let fear or other people come between you’re health and especially with what your describing its critical to find treatment as soon as possible as it can have longer lasting and faster recovery from damaging symptoms. so step three you’ve found the path of entry to a doctor best suited for you, create a list of symptoms, as i know i certainly dissociate during a session and can’t imagine the bravery it takes to make that first jump for you so to avoid your dissociation limiting your treatment again ill reiterate, use keywords, key symptoms ideally in perspective to how its effecting the main “three life indicators” social life, work and school life, and day to day routine functioning and use depersonalisation and derealisation, dissociation, etc as this helps your doctors more than imaginable in figuring out what’s going on in your head, remember  even the experts aren’t experts  and will need your guidance sometimes to reach a conclusion to help you or recommend you to the right people for you, be honest!. some resources to help you find some words that will ‘click’ better with a doctor and other help dpdr related->  (http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/dissociative-disorders/dissociative-disorders/#ddd). as i know with my doctors at least they we’re very confused initially and then extra time had to to be spent on rewording my experiences to what they were taught as they were not very well working with dissociative disorders but of course had the basic training as a phycologist. dissociation is terrifying as im sure you know so i recommend finding grounding or ‘time slowing’ techniques that help to slightly regaining enough time to prevent impulses taking over your ability to control your own bodies actions. its key to not panic during dissociation and sometimes sit and accept the sensations even if quite violent or sensory distressing, gaining control when your not there to be in control is something i combat every day and it can feel scary but certain techniques like going limp or short term solutions to keep you from harm is important right now till you get the support you feel you need. i also recommend discussing medication before talking any as many effect dissociation and should be taken into consideration which many doctors forget and EMDR is the best and latest treatment for chronic dpdr ! so make sure this is mentioned in your first appointment as to put you on the waiting list asap i write a bit more on it here -> and dpdr in general to help you or anyone your talking to to understand it all a bit better ive written and used external information to help me put this page together https://dpdr-dreams.tumblr.com/about%20dpdr  

although treatment can vary too , remember they will be trauma-related treatment rather than only grounding technique worksheets as your symptoms are 24/7 dissociation,( some suffer from off and on anxiety induced moments of dpdr , so dont let your doctor confuse these things and put you on the wrong care programme) the treatment list will be, CBT, talk therapies, medication for other emotional health issues you may also be experiencing, but the most important treatment at the moment  for dpdr is EMDR, so as of your long lasting sensations i’d say it would be best fighting for that care plan :).

again if its more you feel you struggle abit to talk with parents but are able to if possible persist! and educate! u can use some of the information i provided to help you make your point to your parents if that’s easier or write down how you feel or the symptoms of a real illness you’re experiencing to your parent, find a way if possible! :)) 

if you feel you need a sense of validation of dissociative experiences i recommend DES like tests online as they’re linked to most clinical tests and can help you label your illness to yourself as it is common in dissociation to feel confused over it all as of the nature of dissociation-> http://www.traumatherapyboulder.com/mental-maladies-and-the-history-of-the-dsm/treatment-of-ptsd-dissociation/the-dissociative-experiences-scale-des/

and of course if you are in a state of crisis or need someone externally to have a talk to about what your going through which i know can happen so easily when dealing with such persistent and uncontrollable illnesses here’s a mix of phone, text and live chat spaces to help you when you need-> 

  The Trevor Project Call 866-488-7386 (24/7) Live Chat with the Trevor Project (Fridays 4:00 PM to 5:00 PM EST)

Crisis Text Line: Text SUPPORT to 741-741 (24/7). Our trained counsellors can discuss anything that’s on your mind. Free, 24/7, confidential.

thanks again for your important ask :) sorry if it was wordy and general or was a bit of a word jumble.of course i have experience with it so if you have more questions, or later questions at any point after you found your pathway and/or plan for care i will be willing to be more specific as i dont know your country and its laws of practice of course, and stay safe anon, seriously hope you the best ! x

[shysoftbabybear]

fairy lights, pantone, stars, winged eyeliner, bands, old books, eyes, marble

holy cow you did not mess around with these questions. sorry for the delay, i just needed to sit with them for a bit.

fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know?

i hate to be That Person, but i really don’t think i could ask it anything. i’ve spent a lot of time wanting upfront answers to questions that don’t have them and i’ve realized that even if i had those answers, i wouldn’t know what to do with them and i’d just worry myself sick anyway. i did spend some time thinking about the question and what i’d want to know but i don’t think there’s an important question i could handle having the answer to, honestly.

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

it feels kind of odd choosing this person for this question because a semester ago, we barely talked, but now we hang out like every day?? anyway, i’m picking rayne, whom i met at college last year because we’re both queer and who applied with me to the house i’m currently living in on campus.  i’m gonna eschew surface details like appearance and stuff for brevity’s sake. part of why i didn’t really know them that well is because from the outside, they’re kind of intimidating and mysterious, but not like in an Edgy way, just like in a difficult to approach way. it’s funny to say that because now that i know them, i know they’re actually really nice and thoughtful and not scary at all. i’m realizing we’re incredibly similar people, especially our sense of humor, though i feel like i had kind of an influence on that because i talk about so many memes (which something i’m not really proud of admitting, but i’d be lying if i didn’t say it). moving on, they’re kind of mellow and have a quieter voice, which is a nice complement to my own more boisterous voice, but they’re certainly not like meek or docile or anything. we’re both pretty opinionated, but we agree on a lot of things so we do a lot of joint-venting. lastly, we both like to write but neither of use have the motivation, so that’s a common conversation topic.

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

i actually dont really remember?? most of the time i’m alone when i cry and if i’m crying in public it’s because of anxiety, which i’ve been having less of lately so that’s good. i guess last semester? probably during the final dinner-thing with my a cappella group (because we were ALL crying)

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

hoooo boy. i didn’t realize how short 100 words was until now. here’s what i got:

hey, it’s 19-year-old you! i’ll skip how we got here andjump into some advice. first, things are going to get really bad. you’re gonna feel really awful and hate everyone, but keep in mind that when you go tocollege, you’ll feel so much better, so hang on! next, you’ve probably got ahunch, but i’m gonna tell you now that you’re not straight. i’ll leave it atthat and let you (and me!) figure out the rest. lastly, don’t forget about thejoy of writing & making art and don’t be too hard on yourself. i love you!

bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way.

i couldn’t decide between two bands that made me cry (in a good way) so i’m gonna talk about both, haha.

i discovered mitski when i had just just started college last year and found her tiny desk concert on youtube and just like?? felt a connection?? i don’t know how to describe it. i was just in a big transitional stage and her songs and her way of performing just struck a chord with all my mixed emotions and the weird space where my old angst met my new wide-eyed attitude. it’s not like she could “understand” me or anything but but it felt great. i got to see her in concert this summer and i was spellbound from start to finish.

and, more recently, i found pwr bttm through a recommendation from rayne and when i watched them perform (coincidentally another tiny desk concert) i just felt such a shock and i was hooked on their songs and their drag and i just felt a lot more confident in myself and my gender. i absolutely cannot wait to hear more from them.

old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know?

well, currently i’m still in the closet about being non-binary. it’s not that i’d never want them to know, it’s just that i’m still exploring it myself and until i’m able to start changing my appearance and really spend some time living that way, i feel like i might not be taken seriously if i come out.

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

i’d have to pick a good mix of people from college and from home who i think would all get along. first rayne, for obvious reasons. then sophie, another awesome queer friend from college. like rayne, we just have a very similar sense of humor and general mindset and we share a lot of experiences, especially with mental health, so she’s really great. then rhys, the only person i care about in my life that qualifies as a childhood friend. we met in elementary school and then they moved away like 10 years ago but i still talk to them when i can and we’ve met one time (almost 3 years ago now, wow) and it was so wonderful. and lastly, kassie and cal, my two closest friends from high school. like sophie, we’re very similar people and we just click well. kassie (and rhys, for that matter) has seen me through some really dark times and cal is just super rad and queer like me and quite frankly the two of them are inseparable so i need to take them both.

i love road trips so i would love to just get a big van and drive around the country and hang out at cool places. i love the west coast so we’d probably spend a lot of time there.it’s less about what we do and more about the company of the people i’m with, honestly. we could just sort of set a time frame and fly without a net, honestly.

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

probably minimizing my exposure to harmful people in my life and putting effort into the relationships i care about. if i learned anything in high school, it’s that i let myself take a lot of shit from a lot of people because i thought that’s what it meant to be a good person. i quickly realized when i entered the unfamiliar environment of college, though, that i can’t be a good person if i enable other people and don’t take care of myself, so i’ve been paying attention to my needs and spending more time with the people i love. it’s been my Big Mood lately

whew! finished. thank you so so much for the questions and i hope you enjoy my (albeit late) responses!!

[littlebabycrybtch]

tbh tumblr ‘activists’ and autism support on this website is just already such a  fucking Joke like its a Travesty ive never been more disappointed with yall but beyond defending ‘cringe’ traits tbh we need to defend the more inconvenient symptoms too. the ones that are awkward, create conflict, require learning new things so you can stay vigilant and accommodate others, or require unlearning certain social responses as universally understood. like. im so fuckin tired of seeing you clowns make sarcastic shitposts and then when someone comes in with a response that takes it seriously you literally... have such little functioning braincells or sympathetic reasoning you dont take the Half of a second it would take to think abt responding like a normal human person that recognizes other humans around you. you gotta be condescending, you gotta fuck with them and confuse them more, you gotta be funny and entertain the masses and get those notes yes god. you HAVE to be that way in your mind, theres no other way, you cant imagine responding with a genuine solution to clear it up. bc nobody will like that. and bc its a contest. its always a contest. theyre not a person online talking to you, theyre an opportunity to clap back and be funnier for an audience that craves drama. so you exploit them for public mockery and KNOW how awful its going to be for that person, but how awesome it’ll be for you, so then you actually try to defend yourself even when you see the unnecessary harmful consequences. 

“well they were rude! they should have asked for clarification!” okay when you bitches see an ‘i dont get it’ you do the same thing. you pull the exact same fuckin shit. if you get an ask about it begging you to answer privately, you post it with a reaction image. you give a “nobody tell them lol”, or an “its simple, [repeats absurd sarcastic statement again to be funny for nt ppl]”, or even a dismissive “keep scrolling then”, like. nah, its not about your huwt feewings by the mean ol abrasive autistics getting confused, theres flat out no way to win. if you get it you get it, if you dont fuck you. thats how it is. bc you arent educated and dont Want to be. you want your inside joke to be exclusive and you dont wanna Have to care abt autistic people ‘ruining’ it. truth is you probably just dont want autistic people talking to you at all because you dont want to have to put in the effort of developing accommodating communication skills. and thats not acceptable. the people you hurt by that get to call you the fuck out for that, to expect them not to is just dehumanizing and mindless. that mindset makes you selfish and immature. it makes your morals underdeveloped, it makes you lazy, it makes you brain rotted by ridding yourself of any visible humanity trying so hard to match that stupid fucking copied funnyman persona that doesnt mean shit in the real world. and it makes you a bad activist, if one at all. 

its gross and its sad that these ppl claim activism when you literally. Just wanna be a clown. you wanna honk your lil clown shoes for your circus and pretend you’re a depthful good person underneath so you arent limited to the ‘funny’ people you find uncharming. you dont wanna attract just Any funnyman, you want the Fake Good Funny People, who will let you be gay and listen to weird indie music and support the people you feel comfy associating with, making You feel secure and free to do w/e you want, but only so long as they keep out the people you dont want to understand. thats not selflessly moralistic, its about your comfort, and other peoples comforts that will benefit you, its not ‘activism’, its not helping other unrelatable suffering groups feel that comfort. this shits a party to you. its abt collecting the people you simply Want around you, and dismissing anyone else at all costs, even when it means invalidating their struggles. you just want praise and relaxation. you want laffs and good noodle stars. its a pathetic display and you all need to get your ass beat in a parking lot by 5 autistics flapping against your bones until you become dust bc you dont get to disrespect the ppl your group tortured in abusive hospitals and murdered with eugenics, you just dont get to keep whining abt that. abt how hard it is for you to keep up. like. well. start with an ounce of effort even when its inconvenient for you, actually. start by condemning the r word the way you show you are capable of with other slurs, start by educating yourself on autism the way you show you are capable of with other groups, start by Not reblogging chains with obvious mockery of autism traits, start by not CREATING those chains. it is NOT asking too much of you to forsake a tiny bit of your sense of humor to support oppressed vulnerable groups you have power over. if you have a problem with that, again, you are not an activist, you’re basically a self trained entertainer. activism includes fighting ableism of all kinds.