#i see the angry lonely desperate for attention and affection character

[sunshinechay]

Kang looked so surprised by just about everything in the last few scenes but what surprises him the most is his own protective instinct.

Kang hates Sailom. Kang has never been in a situation like this before, he’s never had to be. But when push came to shove, he didn’t even really hesitate to jump right in to try and protect Sailom as much as he could. He’s clearly terrified to be playing one of the world’s worst games of chicken, but he’ll do it if it means the one he’s trying to protect is okay.

Then he stays. He stays and comforts Sailom as best he can. He stays and gets Sailom an ice pack and tries to help him with the bruising on his face.

He’s already showing that underneath the bluster and the bullying, is a good person who desperately wants to come out. He just doesn’t know how to change because he’s so angry at well…everything. For reasons known and unknown to the audience. It’s going to be fun to dive into that in the coming weeks.

[lanadelnegan]

Ghost - Part 5 (final)

Negan x Glenn'sSister!Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, angst, angry sex, p in v, anal, sex on Negan's bike, slight daddy kink, situationship

Part 4 here // Part 1 here

“Knew I’d find you here, doll.” Negan got off his bike, sighing before he sat next to me on the steps of the cabin. “Wanna tell me why the hell you just up and left?” His leg pressed against mine as I stared ahead at the ground, unable to look at him. 

“Just needed time to think.”

“Look at me.” His voice was deep, demanding, and I could hear the pain dripping from it. I refused to look at him.. refused to blink. All I could do was stare at a walker pinned to a tree in the distance like it might save me from this moment. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Negan nod disappointedly before looking away and my heart sank.  “We’ve both had enough time to think, y/n.” His voice cracked when he said my name like tears were forming in his throat. “On the drive over here, I had every intention of fighting for you. For us. But then I thought, I don't want to be with someone who isn’t certain they wanna be with me too.”

I nodded acceptingly. “That’s fair.” I refused to cry, not wanting him to see how this was affecting me. I’d be brave now, and feel sorry for myself later like always. “So why are you even here, then?” I asked and the question made Negan scoff. “Because I at least have enough respect for you to tell you goodbye.”

“I guess you don’t remember our first night together.” I scoffed back at him. 

“How can I ever fuckin’ forget? … and that? Is the problem. Buuut…” His voice changed suddenly, like he switched into the asshole character I saw at Alexandria the first time. “...If I can survive losing Lucille, I’ll damn sure be okay losing you, darlin’.” 

His words felt like a punch to my gut, leaving me numb and speechless. Negan stood after a few moments, whistling as he walked back to his bike but I was behind him before he could reach it. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” I whisper-yelled, not wanting to draw the attention of the dead. 

Negan quickly turned to face me, smirking while he towered over me. “It means.. I’ll go back to my wives at the sanctuary. And you? can sit here for the rest of your lonely little life.. wishing you still had me.” 

My only response was my hand colliding with his cheek hard enough to sting my skin and draw blood from his lip. Negan grinned wider, showing his white teeth as he wiped a drop of blood away with his thumb. There was a darkness in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before and it made me wonder how I was stupid enough to ever believe there was good in him. 

“Fuck you.” My jaw clenched as I spoke and mindfully held back my fists at my sides, desperately wanting to press one into his arrogant skull. 

“Yeah?” He asked, tilting his head. “Okay.” He breathed before pulling me forward by my wrist and smashing his lips into mine. I tasted the lingering blood on his mouth and sucked harder at his lip like it was some miracle drug that would heal me from his hurtful words. 

He bit me back and I shoved him away, breathing heavily. A low grumble came from his throat before he pulled me back to him and wrapped his fingers around throat. “You want me to stop? Tell me.” His grip tightened around my neck and my lips remained closed. His head fell back as he let out a loud chuckle and returned his heavy gaze to mine. My eyes watered from the pressure building in my neck and his eyes softened along with his grip.

Negan looked away before letting go of my neck completely. For a moment I thought he felt bad about it, until he grabbed my wrist and maneuvered me to bend over his bike. I gasped when my stomach pressed into the seat and knocked the wind out of my lungs. Before I had a chance to stand, Negan yanked my shorts down along with my underwear and lined his already hard and ready cock up to my entrance. 

"You ready to stop with the dramatics, darlin'? We both know we can't stay away from each other." He slid into me with one deep push and kept himself there for a moment. "Feel how perfect that is? We were made for each other, baby." He began thrusting and my moans grew louder as heat flooded my core. 

His hand found my ponytail and he jerked it harshly, making me yelp and my back arched while his dick reached a deeper level inside me.

"Negan, fuuuuck, feels so good."

"I know baby, I know." He breathed heavily, keeping his pace fast and steady. Letting go of my ponytail, his hand dropped to my ass while the other remained squeezing my hip. I exhaled a pained breath when I felt his thumb force its way into my other hole.

"So pretty and tight." He said, looking down to watch his thumb and cock slide in and out of me simultaneously. Then suddenly he removed both and I whined at the empty feeling.

He circled the head of his dick around my asshole and my eyes went wide with the sudden painful stretch of his tip entering.

"Fuck." Negan grunted before pushing the rest of length inside me until his balls were pressed against my pussy lips. We both moaned in unison as his pace sped up. "Shit, baby, look at you. Taking daddy's cock like a fucking pro. So fucking proud of my girl." He yanked my ponytail again, hitting a spot that made me see stars.

"Negan!" I practically screamed.

His other hand reached in front of me, covering my mouth. His fingers gripped painfully around my face, bringing tears to my eyes while he ripped my insides apart.

"Goddamn it, doll. Gonna fill that little ass with my cum and watch it drip outta you. You want that? Huh?" He pulled you back further towards him, biting your neck after whispering the filthy words in your ear.

The heat continued to build in your core and you felt yourself getting close. "Yes, please Negan. I need it, please!" I begged desperately.

Negan chuckled darkly and pulled back, leaving you empty again. He finished himself off with his hand, grunting as he spilled onto the ground.

I turned around, pulling my shorts back up quickly. "What the hell?" I asked, confused at his sudden change of plans.

"Ahhh." He said relieved, buttoning himself back up and adjusting his clothing. "Something wrong, darlin'?"

I scoffed, staring at him in disbelief. "No, not at all."

"Good. Because I'm done pleasing you, sweetheart." Negan smirked at you, throwing a leg over his bike and starting the engine.

"Just like that, huh? You're just.. giving up that easy? Did I mean anything to you?"

"Of course. Always will. And when you work out your own shit and realize you fucked up, I'll be here. I love you, y/n. Nothing will change that."

I watched him disappear in the distance as he drove off, taking my heart with him.

Three weeks later:

I've settled back into Alexandria, slowly making amends with the group. The Saviors had a falling out the day we attacked the Sanctuary and we haven't seen any of them since. Except Negan.

After our escapade at the cabin, Negan had apparently drove to Alexandria and surrendered. He's been a prisoner here since the day he showed up and my heart hurts for him. I haven't been to see him, and by doing so, I'm only hurting myself. I guess its my punishment to myself for letting him go. But its been three weeks now and I can't wait any longer.

Everyone knows about our past situationship after I felt it necessary to come clean. I figured we would never be able to move on unless I told the truth. At first it didn't go well, but time mends everything and I think they're starting to forgive me.

It was getting dark when I knocked on Rick's door, explained the cause of my desperation, and he reluctantly gave me the keys to Negan's cell. Arriving at the door of the basement, I took a deep breath, and walked down the stairs into darkness. The only light in the cold room was the moonlight shining through one small window by his cell and it reminded me of our moment together in the trailer - the day I took a bullet for him. I knew then I was in love him with him and nothing has changed since.

"Negan.." I whispered, walking closer.

He lied on his back on his cot, looking up at the ceiling with a hand behind his head.

Silence.

"Please talk to me."

Nothing. He wouldn't even look at me.

"Ok, I'll talk then." I leaned against his bars. "I'm sorry it's taken me awhile to come see you. I needed some time to work out my shit - as you put it." I paused, giving him a moment to react but he didn't. "Well.. it's worked out. If you care?" I said teasingly.

His head fell to the side as he looked at me, trying not to smile. I took that as a welcome sign and quickly opened his cell door with the key. He barely had time to stand up before I ran to his arms and kissed him like my life depended on it.

He lifted me before laying me down on the cot and climbing over me. His mouth stayed connected to mine and without words, we made a million promises to each other in that moment.

We'd never leave again.

A/n: This final part was slightly difficult for me to finish. I have so many other one-shots in process that I'm ready to focus on, so I'm sorry if this felt rushed. But this entire story was so fun to write. Thanks so much to whoever requested it! <3

Tag list: tag list: @loganlostitall @chaospossum @negansbabydoll66 @redqueenphoenix @n3g5nx @crustyweirdo @youngpersonaathletebear @sadgirlzluvdilfs @ilovebill-and-gustav @neganscumbucket @manipulatorpoem @im-a-goddamn-cat @raininhell @mahogany-cherry-wine @daryldixmedown @munsonslovergirl @sanctuaryforthelost @thelauraborealis @carlgrimesbbg @c3linesworld @blueheisenbergtragedy @startwinklekitty @darlingmadelinee @oceandeepthirst @jschlattsqtip @lavenderchai @sweetbutpsychobutsweet @neganswoman @n7crophiliac @cats-writing @alldevilsarehere90 @natykacenka @queermilfs @stasiaangelsinner @lupa-03 @sadgirlzluvdilfs @pamago-bb @javier-penas-wifexx420 @motelprincess444 @thatonefroggirl @myhappyplaceofstuff @darlingmadelinee @used2beee @easystreet07 @princess-23-xoxo @twdxtrevor @dilfsandmartinis @sarahhxx03 @minaxcarter @kukka-roo @rinsdesires @6kaja9 @sasiiik9174 @fanficwriter5 @theoraekenslover

[vote-gaara]

Its interesting you think Gaaea would be a bad So. I headcanon that he would be soft and very affectionate because of his past and he would never yell or name call his partner..

So, I don't think Gaara would be a bad SO through and through.

What I meant by my last post is that characters, as with people, have many dimensions to them and in those dimensions live sub-personalities.

You have them, too!

Some of them you may really enjoy and be proud of; others you may resent or be shameful of because they act or think in such a way that your "primary" personality disagrees with.

It's important for a person to know this about themselves because it helps to know that it isn't the whole YOU if you catch yourself thinking about something you don't actually believe in, or if you blurt something out in an argument with your friend that you really really regret and later apologize for. These things are NOT wholly what make up who you are, they are aspects of you.

It also helps to know this because you can self monitor a little better without being in denial. For example, if someone is angry and lashes out, it would be better for them to know they lash out rather than deny it or make excuses for it; that way they can try to change.

The truth is that no one lives in absolutes. Saying something hurtful the odd time doesn't mean a person is fundamentally a hurtful person, unless this is something that occurs consistently overtime and they are constantly seeking out to offend people and make excuses as to why it's everyone else's fault they keep saying awful things.

People aren't so black and white.

I don't think Gaara would be a bad SO. I think he would have some traits of a bad partner IN THE BEGINNING.

I am also very aware that trauma affects people differently. What may be traumatic to one may not be so for another. Like people's personalities, trauma responses are not the same and they do not develop or heal the same over time.

Gaara was able to forgive his village and be a successful Kazekage because he nurtured that.

However, I believe Gaara would have a harder time in intimate partnerships because of his lack of time investment in them and his trauma response. This does not mean he would be a fundamentally bad partner. I DO NOT believe people with trauma make bad partners.

In fact, I think Gaara would be a good partner because one of his key personality traits - willingness to take criticism and adapt - would help to eventually develop an ability to acknowledge and change his responses to things that make him uncomfortable.

Gaara would need a partner who could see and respect the whole picture, and if someone were with Gaara I would assume this would be the case. No matter how you look at it, Gaara is going to struggle due to the hurt he experienced in his youth, and although that isn't fair, it's not unreasonable for him to be this way.

Yes, Gaara would be soft to his partner.

Yes, Gaara would be affectionate to his partner.

He would also be protective, supportive, kind, attentive and open to them because those are the pieces that make up part of who he is.

But he would also be avoidant, secretive, sassy, curt and inconsistent with his boundaries.

To refuse or deny his flaws would put him on a pedestal where he doesn't belong and doesn't want to be. To not give him permission to be loved despite these flaws and to alienated him from the human right and experience of being a whole of many, many parts would ultimately put him right back into that lonely place that he wanted so desperately to be freed from.

To deny his flaws is an indication that one cannot accept his character in its entirety, which is fine because a person should connect with a character and people with whatever would bring them the most enjoyment, but I choose to accept flaws in both the characters I like and the real people I love, and I hope they can with mine also. Because it is with that acceptance of the whole person that comes the security and comfort to know you are loved, and knowing you are loved inspires one to grow and to be a better person for the people that matter most - the people who said "we will love you no matter what."

And I think that's really beautiful.

[prettyboykatsuki]

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

forgive me | k. bakugou 

➳ tags ;; mentions of injury, hospital rooms, relationship troubles, very mild angst, fluff 

➳ wc ;; 968

➳ a/n ;; part of a warm-up series/practice series im doing. i’ll link the prompt list here. i use a little generator to pick fandom and character and surprsingly i got bakugou first lol. 

➳ prompt ;; “you don’t have to do this alone” 

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

Hospital rooms have a remarkably sterile smell. Like chlorine and hopelessness - the air is clean but sharp. Each inhale presses against his ribs and makes him wince - doubling over the edge of the hospital bed with a deep sigh. The white-lights hurt his already bloodshot eyes. Everything in the room is white, or pale blue, or grey.. 

It’s not the kind of room you deserve. If you were awake, he likes to think you’d complain about the dreariness - scrunch your nose up because the kids play area has no brightness at all. You’d say something about how the world should be colorful even if your wardrobe isn’t. Something about how you hate hospitals so much because they bring you so many bad memories, but you’d endure it because it’s what you’re good at it.

He curls over the side of your hospital bed - balancing the weight of his sin on his shoulders. You’ll be fine  - they’ve told him this so many times over. The doctors who watch him sleep in the same huddled position, his friends and family, everyone has told him that you’ll be fine. Deep down - he knows it too. That probably in a few days, you’ll be good enough to go home. You’ll give him the same dorky smile - the one that shows your teeth and hold his hand so tight for the world to see. 

And you won’t say a word about unless he does - because you’re not the type of person to pay attention to his many mistakes. Bakugou Katsuki is no good at being tender. Seeing you asleep in a hospital bed only makes him feel like he isn’t even good at the one thing he should be good at - protecting. The tightness in his chest will not leave. Rationally, he knows it wasn’t his fault. Knows it couldn’t be helped.

But he thinks back on the way your bed must’ve been cold - he hadn’t been home in time for a full week. He thinks about the fact he’s missed 3 date nights in a row. He thinks about the fact he has left-overs for him that he didn’t have the time to eat. He thinks about how his laundry is always done when he stops by the house but he’s never the one to do it. 

And Bakugou feels the weight of your loneliness in his mouth, it feels like a sigh. You’re not angry with him because you rarely are. You’re the proprietor of all of his affection - the love he tries so desperately to give. Anger? When he asks you about it, your lips quirk into a smile and you pinch at his sides. Make a silly joke about how angry you are that he ate the last slice of cake in the fridge. 

And after that, because you are a lover by nature, you kiss the corners of his mouth and say “I’m really not mad by the way. You’re a hero and you’re busy - I knew that before we started dating. If you’re worried about me being lonely, let me have a cat” and lean into his side so he can feel the weight of his body. You always dismantle all of his worries - piece by piece - bit by bit. You never let him feel his own anger for too long - that’s what your hands are for. 

No matter how much he tries. Tries to tell himself that he’s good enough for you, moments just like this one chain him to his own misery. He couldn’t save you from the accident. Now you’re hurt. He couldn’t be there. He wasn’t enough - this time with evidence so concrete it leaves a scar on your skin. And you’ll live he’s certain, but a part of him will always be dead knowing he wasn’t there. 

Because he was busy being a hero in someone else's story. The anger makes bile rise in his throat, a hiccupping sob tearing through his ribs. 

He thinks it’s a ghost when cold fingers brush through his hairs.

“Why’re you cryin’ like that, Kat? See something funny?” 

His eyes snap open to you. It’s the first time you’ve been awake in days and the first things out of your mouth are jokes. He sniffles at you, scowling. Your smile is tired but still bright enough to make these white lights look gold. 

Your hand reaches over to cradle his cheek, brushing tears off with your thumb. 

“Such a crybaby, Dynamight,” 

“Fuck off,” 

You giggle. His lips are upturned in the ghost of a smile. You are lovely. So, so lovely. 

“I’m okay, Katsuki,” ― and it’s a reminder, as you lean forward enough to kiss him. What does it say about love that your lips touch his before they touch a glass of water, he wonders. Still, he leans into the warmness of your mouth, chapped lips and all―  “It wasn’t your fault - and I’m okay now. Don’t cry, okay?” 

‘Aren’t you the one who always says I’m pretty when I cry?” 

You fluster. 

“Th-that doesn’t apply here,” 

He chuckles. In all these days, it’s the first time he’s laughed at all. He leans into your touch, swallowing his anger and emotion. Trying his best to calm down.

“You don’t have to do this alone, okay? Your feelings and how to make this work - we figure it out together, like usual. Stop stressin’ so much, yeah” 

“Stop fucking worrying about me when you just woke up, dumbass” 

And that’s how he says thank you, and im sorry, and i love you - and everything else he can’t fit between the lines of subtext. You smile at him, kiss him one more time before you grin wickedly. 

“Never,”

»» — { ♡ } —— { ♡ } —— { ♡ } — ««

[taones]

If You Can Hold On Part 3

Part one and two

Pairing: Poly!AsaDaiSuga x gender neutral!reader Or is it?

Notes: PAIN

Warnings: Swearing, arguments, stranger hitting on the reader but they’re chill w/ it

You sniffed as you stirred, pulling the soft fabric underneath your cheek further into you. It smelt like sandalwood with a hint of coffee and it reminded you of how Daichi’s hugs smelt. In fact it was almost exactly the same. The pillow was strangely firm too, almost too firm. Regardless, you snuggled further. 

“Still sleepy huh?” 

Shit.

You shot up, pulling the covers off with you. Daichi shivered in the cold air as his now naked upper torso was exposed to the morning. Looking over, you saw Suga tucked in next to where you had been and Asahi on the other side of Daichi, said man tucked under his arm. It wasn’t odd for Daichi to sleep shirtless, the man ran hot at night, but you couldn’t help the hot flush that took over your face. Asahi smiled softly at you, looking over his reading glasses at your ruffled form. 

“We were gonna get up and grab some breakfast from the diner we passed” he hummed, morning voice sending shivers up your figure. 

“Once we wake sleeping beauty up that is” 

You smiled at Daichi’s comment. At least you could stop thinking about this situation for a second and just get food with them. It was something you had done before most of your big exams. All three of you used to go to the small cafe near the school and get waffles. You could still remember how they had them: Suga had two waffles with caramel and hazelnuts, Asahi had 3 with whipped cream and strawberries and Daichi had 5 with chocolate syrup and chocolate chips. You always got fed some of theirs no matter what you decided to have. Koushi thought it especially funny to boop your nose so whipped cream would stick to your warm skin. 

“Yeah sure,” you smiled “lets go get some waffles”

-

When you got to the diner, it was relatively busy but there were still booths big enough to fit you guys. As always, it was you and Asahi on one side and Suga and Daichi on the other, Asahi trapping you against the wall with his large shoulders. For the first time this trip, you were content. It was the way it used to be. Asahi even stole some of Daichi’s chocolate chips like he used to. 

Snorting was heard from your table as Daichi accidentally laughed so hard that milkshake came out of his nose. The four of you had been telling stories of your highschool days, before everything was confusing and complicated with feeling. The joy was pierced by a vibration that drew all three to their phone. Obviously, it was a groupchat. You couldn’t help but wonder if it was that person they were talking about.

“Ooh, I’m gonna order another drink” you said, asking the boys if they wanted anything.

After you ordered your drink at the counter, you walked up to the counter next to your table that had the sugar and stirrers for the drinks. As you emptied a packet into the steaming coffee that was intended for Suga. A hand settled next to you on the counter.

“Anyone ever told you how gorgeous you are?” a voice mused from next to you.

Turning, you came face to face with a man a little taller than you with dark hair and a nice smile. He was attractive but you couldn’t help thinking he was so plain compared to the current objects of your affection. The glares you could see said men sending towards the man spurred you on. Why would they be mad about this? They had no reason to be. 

Giggling, you looked up at him through your eyelashes. Screw it, if you couldn’t have them then you were at least gonna have fun. 

“Not really” you mused, “why? Are you here to do that?”

The man's smirk returned. He reached behind you, trapping your body slight against the counter, but when he leaned back he had a hand full of napkins. He winked at your flustered form and you couldn’t help but flicker your eyes towards the table which was now...empty?

The hand that was now on your chin pulled your thoughts back to the handsome stranger. The rough pad of his thumb swiped over your cheek bone and he whispered about the chocolate that had been there. Heat flushed to your face as he sucked the sauce off of his thumb. His other hand slipped a piece of paper into your pocket and your mouth opened to say something when you were interrupted. 

A throat cleared behind you and the guy. The looming figure of Daichi, accompanied by his two boyfriends, stood behind you both. You had rarely seen them angry but the glares that were being sent his way even made you shiver. Suga had his fists clenched and even sweet, soft Asahi was looking severely unimpressed with the attempt at flirting with you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Suga hissed at the poor man, who was now looking about ready to run.

“Sorry” the man stuttered, “I didn’t realise they were taken, I’ll leave i guess”

“Wait, no i’m not-” you started, but he was gone.

You stood, leaning on the counter, absolutely baffled their behaviour. Scoffing, you pulled out your wallet and turned to the lady at the counter, apologising for the small scene that had just occurred. The three men kept trying to catch your attention but you made a point to not spare them a glance while storming towards the car. As they paid you phoned Kiyoko. You were angry to the point of shaking and you knew if anyone could calm you down it was her. 

“Kiyoko, I need you to come get me” 

“Sure, give me 10 minutes, i’m pretty close” she sounded apologetic but you didn’t care.

You just didn’t want to feel alone.

-

After the three men had paid, they walked up to you. Your figure was hunched over and you were sat on the rain soaked curb.  The clear phone case that once had a photo of you four in it was now blank. Said photo had been flipped over because you couldn’t bear to look at what you used to be right now.

“What the fuck was that?” you growled

The men looked shocked. 

“He was flirting with you y/n what do you mean?”

The confusion in Asahi’s voice made a feeling curl inside you like the waffles had suddenly turned rancid. Eyebrows knitted together, you began to yell.

“And just what does that have to do with you three?” you began

“Why do you care who flirts with me and who doesn’t? You have 2 boyfriends each and I know you’re talking to another person who why the fuck does it matter to you if I don’t want to be lonely anymore huh?”

They all looked stunned at your revelation. Their shock didn’t phase you however, you had been sitting on this for too long. Too long had you been suffering in silence while they get to live this happy story that you were only a side character in. 

“God, it hurts so bad. You won’t ever understand how much pain I am in being around you and seeing how happy you’re gonna be with another person. It hurts!” you yelled, tears welling up.

The pain had now unfurled completely in your stomach. It was paralysing, like it was stopping you from running like you so desperately wanted to. It winded you, stealing your ability to keep yelling. Instead, it turned into a resigned whisper. 

“I get that you don’t want me, but why can’t other people? I don’t want to be alone anymore” 

Kiyoko’s tiny blue car pulled up next to you as you broke down crying. A tiny blonde ran out of the car to grab you as you fell, Yachi’s soft cooing distracting you from the three men across from you. Looking up at her, you saw her eyebrows knitted together in sympathy at your curled up figure. This was humiliating. Kiyoko motioned for her to guide you to the car, stepping out of the drivers side and towards Asahi, Daichi and Sugawara. 

Yachi pulled you into the backseat of the car, wrapping a blanket around your shoulders. You saw her eyes flicker to her girlfriend and the guys but you didn’t want to think about that much right now. Instead, you stared blankly at the photo of Yachi and Kiyoko cuddling that was stuck under the mirror. If only you had that. 

The now fuming Kiyoko sat in the driver's seat. Her face was contorted in an anger that was uncommon for the raven haired woman but it flooded into sympathy at the sight of you. Obviously, you looked a mess. In the mirror, you could see tear tracks down your face and your hair was messed up from where you had gripped at the sides of your head in frustration. Yachi stroked your hair one final time before climbing into the passengers' side. 

You stared out the window as she drove off, you could see the figures of the men you had left behind. Asahi was bent over, hands on his knees and Suga rubbing his back. Daichi has his head buried in his arms on top of the car. They had no right to be upset, you thought. You let them escape your mind as their figures turned into tiny dots in the distance. 

The silence was comforting.

AS I SAID, PAIN.

[yandere-sins]

Different

I wasn’t in a good mental place yesterday, so I wrote the third part of Circumstances and Unwillingly for Osamu, because why not. Do enjoy this fuckery (: (And I know I said no spice on this one, but well, it happened, it be like that sometimes) I hope I can do the other two justice, let me know what you thought!

Characters: Yandere!Osamu Miya x (afab)Darling, Yandere Atsumu Miya Rating/Warning: Mature, Yandere, Lemon, Dub-Con Words: 4845

»»———————— ♡ ————————««

Chop.

Half-listening to the sound of a knife cutting through the hill of parsley on the cutting board before you, you sighed, burying your face in your arms propped up on the kitchen countertop. Osamu side-glanced you, estimated your behavior as if you were a diamond and he the jeweler, unwilling to even miss one movement you made. Part of him still believed you'd reach for the knife to attack him or risk yourself, but you wouldn't. At least, not that day. 

Actually, you were glad that after all that happened, Osamu had left the door to the room open, allowing you to roam. It was bad enough that Atsumu had used you for his sick pleasure, and you had to endure Osamu being very thorough in cleaning you up, you wouldn't have wanted to be alone in your roam, stuck in the dark and silence while he went and made dinner. The only thing that was promoted by being locked away was the endless stream of thoughts that you couldn't escape, no matter what you did. 

If only your memories had been kind ones, but by now, they were only filled with the bad things that happened to you lately. 

As if you were a child, Osamu had lifted you out of the water in the bathtub and made you stand facing and touching the wall, bending over for him as he scrubbed you down. The fact he kept his underwear on had reassured you at first but having him - who, in fact, had never seen you stark naked like this before, much less touch you inappropriately - clean you inside out was just as bad. You couldn't even describe the feeling of his fingers digging into your pussy, not for pleasure but the sole purpose of cleaning, all while he cursed under his breath about his brother.

There was no gentleness to find either, even though the one time you managed to glance over your shoulder, you thought to see a pink tint on his face too while his forehead was covered in wrinkles and his eyes dutifully on the job he was doing. Osamu looked much like when he was cooking, except that he was gentler to the food than he was when he handled you back in the bathroom. At least, and that's what he promised you, and Osamu never broke his promises, good or bad, he sent Atsumu to find a contraceptive pill. Just in case. Just for the possibility that his fingers digging into you to get even the last drop of semen out of your maltreated pussy weren't enough. 

Thinking about it his touch - and you weren't proud of it - made you tingly all over again. It was awful, and you didn't want to feel this way, especially not since you regretfully had to admit that Atsumu had brought you to orgasm, but sensitive as your body was and your constant feeling of being lonely no matter how much the two of them smothered you in their love, simply made you react to any touch you received. 

And Osamu's was so very different.

Even if back then, he touched you in anger and disgust about what his brother did, and you allowed him to do as Atsumu made him believe. Still, it was an experience to feel his touch on your bare skin, his much rougher hands driving down your legs and up your torso. 

Not like Osamu had never touched you before. He did, but he did so sparsely. His hugs never lasted longer than needed, his grip on you had a secure hold and vanished when it didn't have a purpose, and generally did Osamu seem more reluctant to shower you in affection other than short head pats or helping you with something. Atsumu was so brash and demanding when he touched you, while Osamu always felt like he took fifteen precautions before so much as thinking about holding your hand. Really, you appreciated that he wasn't into overstepping more boundaries than he already was with his affections, while Atsumu loved to test them out as far as possible until Osamu called him out. Still, evidently, the two were brothers, so there wasn't a way Osamu could just ignore you and your loveable form completely, and it affected him just as much as it did Atsumu.

At least, that's what you couldn't help thinking about when seeing the visible bulge in his underwear after he finished cleaning you. That was the point where you could have been wrong in thinking about it too much. Perhaps, you should have just left it as it had been, ignored the thought of 'What if' and moved on without ever mentioning again. But rubbing your legs together on top of the bar stool, you wondered. Wondered if Osamu was a different kind of lover than Atsumu was, or if only their touches differentiated from each other. 

Osamu stayed quiet as he proceeded to cook, undeterred by your thoughts and feelings. Even though he had been so angry just minutes ago, he didn't seem to harbor any more ill-feelings - at least for the moment. Maybe he was, once again, pitying you, as you had to stand still for him while he roughly scrubbed you down with a sponge. Not one of the nice, bathroom ones mind you. A kitchen sponge. And he didn't only use the soft side either. Perhaps, after all the nasty curses on his brother were unleashed, he began to reason, realizing that your pitiful, shivering self wouldn't have seduced his brother like Atsumu tried to make him believe.

And now, where he didn't have a chance to apologize for his anger towards you without having to admit that all that was going on was a fatal crime, he had nothing more to say or lash out at you for. So he kept silent as he chopped up the parsley and the meat, preparing a nice, warm soup for you. 

Had it been another life, you could have probably come to appreciate Osamu for what he was doing. For his - controversial - help and care. But it wasn't. This was your life, and you were his captive. You hated him for it and even more did you hate the budding feeling in your nether region, dictating you to act on a whim of desperation. You were tired. So fucking tired that everything was wrong, but you could still feel the need to be loved and held by someone. Someone you chose, even if it was just the only option presented to you. 

Part of you wanted to be comforted and told everything would be okay. In contrast, another wanted to make new memories to drown out all the bad ones from before. Perhaps, if you could just be in charge for one time, you'd be satisfied, you told yourself, and maybe, the only one who could do that was Osamu. 

Slipping off the chair as Osamu stood at the stove, tasting the soup to see if it needed more salt, you rounded the kitchen counter on soft soles, trying not to alert him. However, his attention shifted as you got off the stool with a squeaking sound, and he half-heartedly turned to you to observe what you were doing. Predatory readiness laid in his eyes, and his toned muscles tensed under the shirt he was wearing. Osamu would never trust you to be okay with wandering alone, but he was a quiet observer. A quiet observer that would break your wrist the moment you reached for a knife or tried to attack him. 

But you were doing none of those antics. You simply stepped up to him, pulled his hand down to taste the soup yourself, licking your lips as you nodded that it was alright. That was more interaction than most days, where you wouldn't even taste test for him when he put it into your mouth. However, Osamu seemed to appreciate your cooperation in dinner making, humming thoughtfully as he stirred the soup one last time. He was just about to turn around when you bumped into him, feeling his body tense all over again after initially relaxing. Even though Volleyball wasn't the sport for him anymore, the man was just as well built as his brother, even if it was from different workouts now. 

What Atsumu had in his thighs, Osamu had in his arms. You had to admit that usually, you found it a bit scary when he closed in on you, his figure always making you feel small in comparison. But if it hadn't been for their kidnapping and locking up, you would have given them the benefit of finding them attractive as well. 

Osamu's reaction didn't let you wait as he turned around faster than a cowboy could pull a gun. His hands were both ready to fight you, lifted up over you, while his brain still tried to comprehend what you were doing. God, you hoped he'd recognize this as a harmless hug, or else you'd be going to bed that night hungry, in pain, and horny.

"[Name]?" he eventually decided to just ask, giving you the benefit of the doubt that you weren't setting him up in a catastrophe. But you simply hugged him tighter and took a deep breath until his arms finally settled, lowering onto your shoulders without pushing you away. And as if he knew your intentions, they started to wander, slowly but surely dragging down both sides of your back, creating a pleasant tickling to which you giggled.

Looking up at him, you couldn't believe your luck as you caught him smiling, his wide-open eyes reflecting your imagine in them as if he didn't quite believe what was happening either. The usually stern-looking fella had his reddened cheeks back, together with furrowed, skeptical eyebrows meeting each other in wrinkles of doubt. And yet, he didn't push you away or made an effort to separate you two - a first.

"What are you doing?" he asked, voice trembling slightly as if your answer could only be worse than he anticipated. But clearing his throat helped him regain some of his composure, even though his blush didn't vanish. You thought you had him all figured out as you watched him like this, realizing that maybe that was the reason he liked to observe you so much. If you looked at someone long enough, you realized things about them without even wanting to know them.

Instantaneously, it made you realized your mistake, too. No, you didn't want to know any of the emotions you witnessed just this moment. You didn't want to know that the heart-throbbing look in his eyes was the same lovesickness that his brother had. You didn't want to know that beneath him awkwardly holding back, he was exactly the same kind of eager as Atsumu. He was another person that loved you madly, that was absolutely driven insane by just this small affection initiate by you. You had all the evidence presented to you that even when you suspected it, Osamu wasn't so different from his twin at all. Not even a little bit.

His head lowered, hanging in the air just a short while as he waited for you to pull away. He wanted it, demanded it desperately, that you'd appeal to his rationality and sense of staying away for your sake. From the very beginning, Osamu had put on this role of overseer, the role of the person stepping between you and his unrestrained brother, so they wouldn't cause more harm to you than they already had done. It was oh so wrong to keep you as their personal love pet, and Osamu was painfully aware of his wrongdoings. But confirmed by Atsumu, he couldn't bring himself to make it right now and risk losing you along with it. 

Because all he really wanted was you as well. 

And so he hoped that it would be you to restrain him once more. Restrain him before he couldn't help himself anymore but shower you in this love he had for you all this time and held back for your sake. But when you didn't push him away, what else could he do but finally kiss you? It was all your fault, and you tempted him beyond anything he ever experienced. You made him believe that you wanted this; that you wanted him.

Was it him that you wanted, you wondered as you returned his kiss? Where it was a careful dip into the ocean at first, his lips quickly began crashing down on you, just like the rest of his body as he bent you over the kitchen counter, your back on the cold stone and legs dangling in the air. Before you knew it, he had you pinned on the kitchen furniture, pouncing you like an animal seeing the first prey after starving for an eternity. 

"Are you sure?" he managed to press out of his mouth sometimes between forcing his tongue between your lips and pressing up on you, a telling bulge settling between your legs, the remnant of the bath ordeal. It would have been impossible for Osamu to hide his desire for you now, and you dared to assume that even if you said no, he wouldn't have been able to back away from you in his current state. Perhaps he wished he could, but everything on his mind and body seemed to scream for you, riling him up in a way with which you could never have gotten him off you anymore, even if you wanted.

No, it probably wasn't him that you wanted. The moment he let his sweatpants slide to the floor, you realized that you had overestimated the situation and especially yourself. You thought initiating gave you the title of being in control, but suddenly, it seemed to slip off your hands again. What had been your purpose to present yourself so willingly to this starving animal Osamu was? Was it the loneliness you felt? The prickling in your stomach after he touched you all over in the bathroom? Was it simple desire, and if yes, hadn't it been enough to do it with Atsumu prior to this? Or had it been a naive spark of hope to get along better with your captor and earn some benefits with these indecent doings? You couldn't exactly lie to yourself that your initial thoughts hadn't been clouded by your body tingling for him. Still, you wished now you could have gone back and thought twice about it before leading Osamu on. 

For he was no different from Atsumu, a thought you acknowledged much too late.

So you used the bit of strength in your back to lift your legs up, crossing them behind his hips as Osamu groaned, his lips trailing off to explore other regions. Giving your hands free, his own found their place around your hips, holding on needily and pressing you towards him. As he was grinding up to you, you realized just how desperate Osamu was for you, especially after having touched you so thoroughly back in the bathroom and seen Atsumu's chaos on you. It seemed like his brother's doings had, in fact, bothered him more than even you could fathom. But really, who could guilt him for it? Always having to be proper and step back while there was this raging love burning in his blood.

It didn't take him long to explore you, feel you up in new ways he never had before. His first touch on new parts of your body was always cautious, as if he thought he'd hurt you by merely driving his hand down your stomach. But Osamu was quick to get adjusted, eerily choosing the same spots to touch and kiss you that Atsumu loved to play with. The connection of twins seemed to go beyond sharing the same taste in pudding, it seemed, and though Osamu turned out to be much, much more awkward than his brother, you could only blame on his inexperience.

You didn't fight him as he pulled off your pants and panties in on swift motion, but you also didn't bite back the moan warbling off your lips as his face connected with your folds. By now, you wished you could have scolded yourself for your bad judgment of the situation, but as Osamu slowly but surely started to understand what he was doing, you merely flinched in joy of the sensation of him lapping at your clit. 

Sex wasn't the comfort you might have needed. It couldn't replace your happy home life and having a healthy relationship with someone, but you were right that it could make new memories as the only thing your mind concentrated on was the sensation between your legs driving you insane. Osamu didn't mind you clinging your hands into his hair, leading him to the right spots. On the contrary, he seemed to be especially eager the more you engaged. The way he treated you normally, you wouldn't have thought he'd be so keen on pleasing you. But it made sense, considering how little he always had of you, that now that you were his for the moment, he wanted it all. 

His tongue made you exclaim all sorts of happy noises, and you couldn't help but wonder where he learned the way of using his mouth this way. Making onigiri couldn't possibly make anyone good at fellatio. Still, you were ready to give him the benefit of the doubt, for he lifted you up into new heavens. His brother never was as attentive as Osamu turned out to be, and even if it was a short-lived pleasure, you appreciate how different they were in that aspect. 

When he finally let off of teasing your clit, you felt like falling out of all clouds, breathing heavily and unable to even fathom the situation you were in at the moment. Not until you heard his heavy breaths above you and felt a big tip poking on your hole. There wasn't much Osamu could say, even when your head snapped back to look down at what was trying to gain entrance. In his eyes, you could see yourself, suddenly insecure and anxious, but with the deep shades laying over his, you knew it was too late to freak out. 

Caging you between his arms, Osamu kept you in place, unwilling to let you go now, and you took a deep breath, trying to hold it as his hips pushed forward. You could be thankful for the lubrication, but where you had expected him to be about the same size as Atsumu, you had to find out that the twins surprisingly did not share the same size down below. Osamu couldn't keep up with Atsumu's long cock, hitting all the spots there were in you, but if it came to thickness, he way overdid his brother's. 

A soft squeal escaped you together with your breath as you tried to adjust. "W-Wait, slowly!" you wanted to order him, hoping that if he stopped and let you brace yourself before continuing, you'd be able to take on the challenge that was his cock. "Come on now," Osamu mumbled instead, kissing your cheek. His hands folded over your head, and you felt the pressure intensifying from the top, slowly but surely impaling you down onto his hips pressing up. He wasn't even thinking about slowing down now, and you should have known better than even hinting on refusing anything he wanted to do.

"So fuckin' tight, Babe," he sighed while you spluttered in pain and pleasure as he bottomed you out. It was absolutely unbelievable that this man could fill you up by merely embedding himself in your pussy, but there he was. "Feeling good, ey?" he asked, lips curling to a grin as he took an appreciative look over your body, wringing in pleasure as you held back from cumming by simply being entered by Osamu. It shouldn't have been this easy to get you off, but you blamed in on your previous orgasm and his work on cleaning you, nodding slowly. 

"I see," he smirked, and you felt him pull out a few inches before he did a rough re-entering, pushing you over the edge in an instant. Legs tensing and back arching, you squealed in pleasure, soon overcome by a long, pleased moan and his name falling off your lips. Only for the first part of your orgasm did Osamu manage to hold back moving, letting you live out the shakiest of the release before he began to move again, slowly and in shorter movements at first. 

Snaking his arms beneath you, he pressed your bodies together, directing every move that needed to be done while you hung in his embrace, still dealing with the aftermath of your orgasm. It didn't take long for Osamu to pick up his pace, being able to finally experience you like he did in his horniest dreams, even if that meant screwing you like a rabbit. It was evident he didn't want to miss out on even one sensation, lunging his tongue into your mouth to suck away even the last spirits you had while his pace turned erratic. 

When he pulled away, you had only time for a short, surprised gasp before he turned you over on the counter, pushing up your left leg to lay beside you and pushing himself deep inside your spread pussy again. Him reaching new depth made both of you gurgle out delighted huffs and groans, and when he gripped your elbows, pulling them back to push himself further into you, you felt lost in your own body. 

It was wrong. So utterly wrong. But if someone had told you that wrong felt right on occasion, now you would have believed them instantly. You couldn't think about anything besides that thick cock hammering into you and the sloppy sounds your hips made when they connected. Osamu said your name plenty of times, but even if he had someone else's, you wouldn't have minded it at all. Even if you didn't hear them, you could tell what he was feeling for you, his lust wholly overtaken by his love. He kept telling you how good it felt and how much he adored you, the words slurred as they came from a place of passion. But all there was left for you in return was the bubbling in your stomach, your g-point crying out for another release and by the throbbing and pumping inside of you, you assumed Osamu was feeling the same. 

Collapsing on top of you, he didn't stop grinding and twisting his hips against yours, wanting to experience every last bit of you before he stopped. "You feel so good, [Name]," he whimpered, kissing the nape of your neck while his hand closed around the front. "I-I'll cum," he explained as if there was a need to justify himself, and you gulped, realizing his touch was less gentle than expected. 

"C-Cum," you urged him, for the first time in this whole ordeal moving your hips up and down into his grind. "Me… Me too, Osamu."

He let out a low laugh after hearing his name, his hand vanishing from your throat when suddenly his elbow replaced it, squeezing you even tighter and reminding you of the occasional roughness Osamu had. You felt so put in place and dominated over, completely unable to move except for the submissive grinding. That was what you always felt when being with Osamu, and though you thought it would be different now that you were so intimate with him, you had once again misjudged him. 

His last few pushes were rougher and harder to take than any other before. Though you gurgled out your moans, your hands clawed into the flesh of his arm as Osamu grunted with every push. He holed you out and disappeared before filling you to the brink again, and you expected it wouldn't be any different for his cum. The hot, milky substance collected in the spread-out depths Osamu's cock left behind, and your body responded with shivers starting from the inside out. 

Maybe it was degrading and inappropriate for the relationship you and Osamu had, but you couldn't lie that it felt incredible to sink into the fog that came with orgasming again, for the third time that day. If you'd always feel like you were as Osamu left his mark on you, perhaps you'd have been happier altogether. Disconnected and used, but happier. 

Nothing, no fighting, and no behaving would ever feel as good. They could praise you and submit to your wishes, but it probably would never satisfy you as much. Only leaving would ever come close to this experience, even though that meant your mind might have already been as depraved as theirs. 

"I love you," Osamu sighed, face nuzzled into your shoulder. "I love you so much."

"I know," you whispered, almost tempted to respond with something appropriately like "Thanks" or "I love you too". Luckily, you didn't, not giving Osamu the height of responding to his feelings positively. 

"Don't let Atsumu--" he pushed out, getting harshly interrupted by a loud bang on the floor on the other side of the countertop and the rustling of a paper bag.

"Don't let me what?! What the absolute fuck is going on here?!"

It could have been so nice as you looked at Atsumu, both anger, disappointment, and then more anger crossing his face. So nice, if only the twin had stayed away for a few more seconds longer, giving you the time to recover and Osamu to try and cover it up. You heard him grumble on top of you before he kissed your shoulder again, releasing his hold on you before leaning up to face his brother. 

"I made them come twice," he said proudly. Clearly, it was Osamu's revenge on his brother after Atsumu played both you and Osamu dirty with his plans.

"Excuse-- WHAT?! YOU DID WHAT?! You piece of shit--"

The following tirade of curses you simply blinded out, letting out a long sigh as Osamu finally got off and out of you, a splurting sound following his cock pulling out, while he fetched some paper towels. All while Atsumu went on and on about how you two could be doing such things after he got scolded for it, Osamu seemingly very indifferent about his brother's tantrum. Some part of you could kind of relate why he'd feel betrayed coming home to the same scene Osamu had kicked him out before for. But really, this time, it had actually been your fault, and you weren't keen on telling him that and taking his anger towards you. 

Osamu helped you down the kitchen counter and wiped off any excess after following his instructions on lifting your leg up for him. Had you ever seen him so carefree before? He even looked up at you smiling lightly, another lovestruck blush on his cheeks. With your legs shivering still, he put your pants back in place and gave you a kiss on the forehead, telling you to hurry back to your room until dinner is ready, and he figured out what to do with the raging bastard running up and down the apartment.

"Welcome home," you whispered, passing by Atsumu, and his tirade came to an abrupt halt. With his mouth hanging open, he looked after you, as did Osamu, both twins equally surprised that you'd greet him, all while you hurried to get back into your room, closing the door behind you. There hadn't been a specific reason for you to do something you usually refused. Perhaps you found yourself in a too good to be real mood, manners returning to you as a reflex. Or maybe, you just wanted their arguing to finally cease. Leaning against the wood, you listened to the ensuing silence before their voices picked up again, however, less strained and agitated and more with quiet accusations, as well as surprised tones. 

You, on the other hand, slipped beneath your blanket, pulling it all the way up over your head and enjoying the luxury of having it all to yourself for once. This blanket, usually shared by all three of you, managed to finally comfort you - for real this time - even if raging reproaches started to collect and turn the pleasant fog of lust into dark clouds of self-pity. 

How far more, you wondered, would you sink before they'd reach their goal to completely take you over?

When did humans break under the circumstances they were facing? And even more so: When would it happen to you? Unfortunately, it was already too late to ask yourself this, the answer slowly and menacingly dripping down your leg as their voices echoed from the kitchen into the back of your mind.

But you had yet to fully realize that you were already caught in their greater plan of loving you.

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (Fighting Mr 2nd) DEYI and The Theme of Control and Power

You know that show that you know you can talk about forever and be obsessed with, although it seems pretty simple and not really that complicated to analyse and break down? Well, We Best Love (WBL) is precisely that in the most amazing way. I'm not shocked because I've always been a fan of the History Series, especially with this writer and how she creates her projects; it's not surprising that WBL happens to be the most comfortable show to lean into. It feels like entering a cheesy, cute, romantic novel. Yet, it still is the most angsty, passionate, drama-filled plot enough to make you want to run into the screen and comfort these comfort characters, scream at them when they're not making sense, and keep watching despite the pain when you feel like they've gone too far. And I kept quiet and watched season 1 of WBL. I was entranced and in love because it was so simple, but it felt perfect for me; it was a distraction, it made me smile, and it also made my heart quiver. I adored all the actors, and I also enjoyed how the storyline was told. It doesn't have to be so deep and full of clues, but there were facets to the characters, clear set rules in understanding their character roles, and small hints building in the last episode that all was not well and a lot was coming for our couple in the future. It broke my heart because season 1 was focused on the immaturity and naiveness of how we feel when we enter university for the first time; the excitement, but still innocence of hopefully finding someone to mesh with, and yet the dumbness/naivety that can distract us or slow us down before knowing who that person is. Season 1 was light, funny, and sweet because that's how our doe-eyed souls feel when we first enter college and get to discover who we are. Season 2, on the other hand, is focusing on maturity, actually dealing with our flaws, coping with the responsibilities and hardships of life, duty and obligation vs wants and need; the characters are older now, affected by the world's cruelties/situations and now have walls up higher than before. 

And in order to help us get that vibe, even more, our couple's relationship is put through the wringer, hearts torn, misunderstandings prolonged unfairly, and everyone broken just staying in a state of pining, longing and anger, anger, at what was lost to them; the innocence/fun of falling in love, the guise of being in control, and the joy of being free and dumb in love. It isn't a surprise to see our main character, Shide and Shu Yi, see their flaws fleshed out more in the open and actually increased and exposed for us, the audience, to watch and dislike. Shu Yi's short temper becomes even more exposed as he struggles to have control over his past and feelings for Shide once they reunite, and Shide's withdrawal of emotions also becomes even more strained and put on focus as he also realises what he has lost. Both of them enter this sick twisted, and tense need for control and power that their relationship becomes intense and full of passion hidden behind the anger and resentment. So I'm going to break down the idea of Control and Power with these twos relationship, a certain theme that has been there since season 1, and why now it's something both rivals are struggling to obtain to win, especially Shuyi, who is determined this time to not be Mr 2nd when it comes to Shide again. Hence the title Fighting Mr 2nd.

Misunderstandings and Miscommunications

Let's first focus on the miscommunication/ separation at hand. This exposed so much already about how these two felt about the power they hold over the other. Let's first look at what season 1 exposed; for Shide, Shuyi has always had control over him since the moment his young self told him that he would be a companion to him whenever he was lonely. Shide has desperately loved Shuyi and did everything possible to ensure he kept Shuyi's focus on him no matter what. The way he decided to do this was to put himself in a place more powerful than Shuyi; he put himself always ahead of Shuyi, ensuring he was always number one no matter what. This was how he controlled the situation; for him, as long as Shuyi noticed him, he was happy to continue hoping for a change and also making him react. In Shide's mind, he never wanted to force/ make Shuyi fall for him because he didn't think it was possible. He just wanted to be by his side (as a 'friend') until graduation was over.This shows me already some stuff about their relationship. How Shide perceives Shuyi; one, he didn't trust in Shuyi's love as being as strong as he was. He even says it to Shuyi on the bridge when they confessed to each other. For him, Shuyi was always the 'lucky' one; the one in control, the real winner because he had him in his palm of his hand. Shuyi was the one who made him whipped, the one he chased after secretly for 8 years or more. Shuyi has always been the one with the hold over him. Immediately they got together, Shide also tells Shouyi his confusion but the happiness that Shuyi is also feeling the same towards him.

Shide can't believe the switch in Shuyi's personality and actions for him; Shuyi still tried to play of Shide's grand confessions of love in the last episode, and Shide was okay as long as Shuyi kept paying attention to him. But in my head, it showed that Shide didn't think Shuyi's love was as unconditional, as strong, as uncontrollable as his. He didn't know he had any hold over Shuyi. He thought it was his constant love and chase that won Shuyi in the end, so what happens when he thinks he pushed Shuyi away? In Shide's perspective, he's the one who slacked behind and pushed Shuyi away by disappearing for 5 years, which fair enough makes sense; Shuyi has every right to be angry at being ghosted. But Shide blames himself and thinks it's because his show of love was weakened and slowed down that it caused Shuyi to retreat and walk away easily. Because he wasn't fighting anymore for their love, he lost Shuyi's attention. Again this suggests how fickle he believes Shuyi's feelings are and how still in his head he believes he's the one with the long-lasting love/feelings.

Shide's personality is someone who likes to be in control (like Shuyi but for different ways and reasons); he's kind of had to always be; ever since his dad died, he's had to try and make it his goal to become stronger and better to take care of his mum, and to ensure they live well. This is connected to the theme of Duty and Obligation in the show.  Even in Season 1, the reason he has to leave for America for a bit is to ensure his mum settles in nicely. Even after that, he's again the one responsible for ensuring whoever was sick in America was taken care of. It's because of his need to be responsible and be in control that Shuyi always feels distanced from him (mocked, misunderstood, and hurt). Shide is someone who likes to keep a calm demeanour. He likes to take things on by himself; he likes to not show when he's hurting or alone (apart from that one time as a kid where he broke down on Shuyi). In fact, it might be because Shuyi is the only one who did see him in his vulnerable state and gave him an aim to become stronger that made him cling on to his love for him and devote himself to his love for him. But in looking so in control of his emotions, Shuyi always saw Shide as someone who loved winning and making him feel like a fool. In season 1, he thought Shide did it on purpose to see him lose control and be a mess, and in season 2, he's resorted back to that thinking. Let's look at why?

No 1 for You (Shide’s pov)  vs Fighting Mr 2nd (Shuyi’s pov)

Shuyi did not also understand the proper depth of Shide's feelings. I guess we should have seen it coming that he didn't fully understand how deep they were, he had heard ideas from Shide's mother, he had heard grand declarations from Shide (after he was the one to pry it out of him), but he didn't actually trust it fully. I think because he didn't fully trust both their sexualities and identities when it came to their feelings. Like I said, we should have seen it coming when he admits he doesn't want to fall for a guy, but also it's because it's Shide he's okay with being in love. However, people complained about this because in BL, we're tired of the I love you, not boys trajectory always chosen. However, it was more than that. I think because of what's embedded in people's minds at a young age (due to society),  there might have also been, as a result of that,  hints of internalised homophobia (IH) with Shuyi. And that's why it made sense for him to wither and assume that Shide truly would be with someone else and be married and have kids. Because of IH, Shuyi may have automatically thought it made sense that Shide would move on, get married and have kids in America (hence as he said in episode 1,  he was disqualified by choice) because, in his head, he didn't understand Shide's love and devotion for him.

It also points to insecurity and fear that he might not be enough/the better option for Shide. One of his pet peeves was that he was always coming second to Shide, he was always being seen by himself as second best, and he probably also thought he had become the second-best option to Shide living a great 'fulfilled' life according to 'society' where he is married to a wife and has kids. This is why in the special episode, he also gives up easily and wishes him the best refusing to actually question why Shide would do this to him after all the stupid and grand promises he made a year ago before he left. Promises of marriage, promises of devotion, of being his family etc. Of course, this felt like Shuyi was thoroughly mocked and lowered because he had lost again to Shide by letting his heart trust him and wait for him. Now, in season 2, he's determined to not do that too. To not lose control of his heart ever again. To not fail to Shide in any way, shape or form ever again.

Shuyi; The Guise of Control

Shide is always acting on the surface like he's in control, causing Shuyi to always think he's more vulnerable and a fool, and it makes season 2 make more sense. Even if Shide says, he'll make Shuyi look at him again, how on earth is he meant to ever let that happen? He literally manipulated the situation in season 1 and got Shuyi's walls down only for him just to cheat on him, so how can Shuyi trust just his actions on the surface?

No matter how devoted Shide is looking, even at the end finally showing a hint of losing control under Shuyi's hold which Shuyi was not expecting because he thought Shide will always want to again be 'proper'.  And in the past, it was Shuyi who always pushed for skinship once they started dating; Shide always again acted like he hadn't been affected; this was discussed actually in that final episode. Even if on the surface Shide looked affected, Shuyi wouldn't trust that. Because Shide is always holding back whilst Shuyi always feels like a fool, never being able to control himself around him, never being able to control his emotions or have a poker face around him. From the first episode in season 1, Shuyi has always been uncontrollable when it came to Shide, whilst Shide always came out looking cool.

Shuyi always ended up in the most vulnerable shameful state (forgetfully hurting himself in reaction to Shide's presence, being the one distracted and bothered by skinship in the last episode whilst Shide studied, or even being exposed and screaming down a bridge, his love for Shide to make Shide come out and say how he feels). Shuyi always ended up being weakened and frustrated because Shide seemed like he had everything in order. Shuyi is now adamant he's lying or that Shuyi is still the one who's more in love with him (his biggest fear). For example, the slap he gives to Shide (exposed his lack of control of emotions around Shide) and yet Shide immediately tried to control the situation, making Shuyi again look like the irrational one and the most affected one. Also, as mentioned it Shuyi (in Shuyi's head), who proceeded to force/get Shide to confess. Because Shide was too focused on controlling his environment, avoiding the situation, holding back his feelings, whilst Shuyi's emotions always get the best of him and caused him to still lose in front of Shide. Basically letting Shide get his way all the time. And by doing that, it was Shuyi who ended up waiting for a year and then being 'cheated' on, being ghosted with his heart shattered.

The Fear of Weakness and Vulnerability

Other examples are Shide going to Shuyi's house and ignoring him in his own home (again, Shuyi can't even control his environment when it comes to Shide, everything he owns feels little because Shide seems to have a hold over him in everything), and proceeding to make him the fried rice. Even as the vice president who's meant to be in control and be in charge of letting go of people (which his father is pressuring him to do, he has no choice in the matter), Shide is the CEO (a higher position)  of the company and is adamant on convincing Shuyi to do no such thing. It's a big fear to Shuyi, which is why he's determined to ensure he does fire these people because if he doesn't, It means he's again coinciding underneath Shide's hold over him, over everything he has, including his heart.

The act of making fried rice in Shuyi's house as if nothing is going on, Shide ignoring his tantrums and outbursts does again what Shuyi hates, makes him feel stupid, weak and vulnerable. It makes him feel like he's losing again to Shide. This is why I think he really has no other option in his mind to win but to use emotions and feelings (what he can't control) as a weapon to capture Shide. By making Shide fall for him emotionally and then being the one to break his heart, that's how Shuyi thinks he'll finally be able to break down Shide's calm, façade that he's always in control, that's how he stops being Mr Second. Obviously, it's a stupid idea because Shuyi literally becomes weakened just by being in Shide's presence. To be anywhere intimate with him, he will only resort to his own emotions being, even more, harder to handle even if he tries to play it off as just attraction.

And for both of them, control is even harder physically with emotions because they've been 'starved' of each other's presence for 5 years, of each other's touch and connection. As shown in episode 1 of FMS, they're both in a state of pining, longing and waiting for one of them to give in. For 5 years, Shuyi was secretly fighting against the truth that he had been waiting for Shide to return even when he tried to focus all his energy and heart into hate and bitterness (to distract him from the pain of waiting). Shuyi never wanted to give up on hope, never wanted to let go of Shide, because it's out of his control to forget or move on. He couldn't do that even if he tried. This is why he also tries again to use a power play with a fake girlfriend that he couldn't remember the name for.  Every single sentence he said was how he compared himself to the girl he thought Shide cheated on him with. He was saying it to hurt Shide, but in the end, he was still exposing his own hurt and insecurity about why he thought Shide left him.

Shide; Control Vs Sacrifice

Meanwhile, the audience all know that, on the other hand, Shide is the one who has no control over the matter. No matter what he seems like on the surface/ in front of Shuyi, Shide is completely tired, weak and frustrated once he sees Shuyi again. It's frustrating because the only time he shows his emotions is once Shuyi isn't looking; he cries only after Shuyi has left, always holding his feelings and only letting it out when he's by himself. Although to Shuyi, it seems he's in control, being the CEO, being the one who disappeared for 5 years, being the one who is successful and influential, Shuyi couldn't be more opposite in his thoughts. Shide has no control over the CEO position; it's not a job he chose for himself, it's not what he wanted to do, he did it because of again his responsibility to his mother and family. Shide isn't the one who chose to disappear for 5 years in America; he again had no control over the situation because someone else was ill, and he had to be the one to help his family again become stable. And lastly, Shide isn't successful and as influential as he's sold his company to Shuyi's father, so he actually isn't in control of his position, of his life essentially. What Shuyi sees as control is unfortunate because it's actually Shide's sacrifice; he's had to lose what he actually wants to be in that position. All he's ever wanted is Shuyi. Ironic no?

Even in Season 1, when he seemed to be the one controlling the situation, he wasn't; he always did everything to get Shuyi, and for 8 years him being 'in control/winner' as Shuyi puts it wasn't him winning because he always didn't get Shuyi's heart before he confessed. And that's what's so heartbreaking about Shuyi's misunderstanding of Shide; when he first sees Shide in the past in his memories, he doesn't know the moment Shide fell for him; he just sees Shide winning over him, he doesn't even notice the first person who had control over the other was him, because he already took Shide's heart, trust and devotion. This is why Shide told him he was the lucky one; he was the one who was winning, who was always in control. Not Shide.

Love and It’s Hold and Power

And again, although Shide is the one he thinks he's second-best to. Shuyi has a lot of power over everyone else since he was young. He's been a spoilt, rich boy who's had control over his friends (in a positive way like they felt they had to watch him and babysit him), he's had control due to his father's power, and he's had control now over Shide just due to again his father's job and his heritage. And I think that's why he can't stand the fact that no matter what he does when he's with Shide, he loses all of that power; he's reduced to wanting to do something for someone, like in season 1, washing the dishes, being humble, exposing his feelings to Shide so loudly and vulnerably. Shide is the only person who makes him want to do all that, and he hates it. It's why when the employees in episode 1 call him again Shide's girlfriend (even though literally Shide bending down to tie his laces is an act of losing control and him being in control of him), it bothers him because it makes him look weak. He's the one flustered by the actions; his heart is shaken by the movement. What he sees about Shide vs what's genuinely being shown/exposed is so opposite, so of course, they're more prone to misunderstandings because they've always both seen the situation very differently.

So WBL has always been using this theme of Control vs Power with Shide and Shuyi. And how, because of love, both of them feel this lack of control over each other. Mostly from season 1, when Shide gets closer to Shuyi using the idea of rivalry to see who can win over each other, even though he gives in always to Shuyi on purpose. Shuyi's misunderstanding has always been an issue since episode 1, since even when Shide kissed him in the pool. This time around in season 2, we get to deal with the actual seriousness/reciprocation of what that misunderstanding and fear of lack of control can do to them. And how others can manipulate that (Shuyi's father probably). Either way, these twos relationship has become angst central because Shuyi really is fighting Mr second, he's determined this time not to lose to Shide no matter what and he's finally using like the last way he can possibly gain control over Shide. His body. The most vulnerable part of a person is exposed when they sleep with someone else; by getting Shide to even want to give in to him as he requested, he can expose everything about Shide, his weakness, his heart, his truths. Hence, it makes sense the relationship is using attraction and chemistry as a powerful tool for the storyline. Shuyi isn't going to be able to even go through with anything because he's just as vulnerable and weak with Shide as Shide is with him.

I love angst, and I love power plays and fight for control in rivals to lovers stories. I love misunderstandings and requited, but they don't know the trope. I just really enjoy WBL, and I'm so excited to see what happens next. Looks like Shide is finally going to lose that façade he has on the surface once he breaks down under the influence of alcohol; probably, poor boy has been suffering so much. And I think both of them will soon need to gain control over their situation together so they can defeat the obstacles that come in the form of Shuyi's father, society, company issues etc. So yeh, I'm loving this, and it's such a breath of fresh air. Friday is too far away, sigh.

[always-inquilab]

Look. I think that Tatiana is an interesting character and that the conditions she grew up in provide great clarity regarding the sort of vile person she ends up becoming. It's important to atleast attempt to understand the complexity of a character before jumping directly into hating them.

Tatiana grew up ignored and neglected for the sole sin of having been a girl. Her father was a piece of utter shit that never gave a single flying fuck about her. We know that Gideon and Gabriel grow up to be good, wonderful men (Gideon is literally my favourite character in TID btw) but it is equally true that they weren't the best when they were younger. They were little pricks. More importantly, they were a duo. The Lightwood brothers. and Tatiana was left out.

As Tatiana describes in the letter, her brothers clearly do not recognize they are given preferential treatment while she is constantly looked down on. She also states that Gabriel was replicating the same awful patterns of asserting 'authority' of their horrible worm of a father. Furthermore, she feels abandoned by Gideon. She is stuck in a home that is no more than a prison for her, surrounded by people that do not treat her well and she is angry at her big brother for leaving her in that hellhole while he is having fun in another country, free from all this bullshit that she has to deal with.

I think that she was well within her right to have been angry at how she was treated. Also, I saw some takes about how upsetting it was that Tatiana always hated her brothers. And I have to ask, have none of you ever called your brothers names?? Especially when they were being shitheads? Do you really want to tell me that you've never been furious that your brothers don't even realize how they're doted upon simply because they're boys?? Tatiana did not start out hating her brothers in the terrifyingly heartless way she came to do in the later half of her life. Her resentment began in justified ways.

So now we have Tatiana Lightwood, clearly scorned by literally everyone in her life. And for the first time in her life, someone gives her attention and affection. Rupert Blackthorn. Can you imagine how heady that must have been for someone as lonely and miserable as Tatiana? (Yes, because we read the letter lol) She clearly thinks the world of him almost instantly and ofcourse, she does. She is so starved for attention. For someone to just look at her and see her means everything to someone who has been ignored their whole life. This is important because this is vital to understand her downfall. Her love for Rupert is absolute. (She reminds me of Jessamine Lovelace a little bit. They're both girls who make terrible decisions in their utter desperation to be loved.) We don't know exactly what sort of person Rupert was but considering how we know the story progresses, it is safe to assume that he remains beloved to Tatiana and is the most important person in her life. And then she loses him. She loses the only person that ever seemed to truly love her. Her world is fractured irreparably, whereas, it appears to her, that her brothers have everything she has ever wanted. They have a good reputation, a good life, a happy family. Everything that was taken from her. This is where her existing more or less innocuous resentment for her brothers takes on its vicious character. Later, her son dies too. Another of her only earthly tethers, lost. Gone. There is noone left that she loved. No one who loves her. Under these circumstances, I have to wonder, who wouldn't go insane?

I am not justifying her actions. I don't even like her. She continues the cycle of abuse she was subjected to by being horrible to Grace and I detest her for it. In many ways, she becomes exactly like the person she hated the most. Her father. I would not ask anyone to forgive her or even like her because I don't either. But I believe in critically analysing characters and attempting to understand their motivations. Tatiana is not pure evil. Or atleast, she wasn't always. People are far more complicated than just black and white and that's what Cassie is trying to show. She is not trying to get you to forgive Tatiana and start liking her. She is providing a nuanced perspective on the character's development (or devolution, in Tatiana's case) and I think that's essential for good storytelling. So be a little mindful when you read is my humble suggestion. Thank you for coming to my TedTalk

[rubik-ashala]

Let Alucard have nice things!

This doubles as both a headcanon description and a rant so here goes:

I just got done watching the 3rd season of Castlevania and I am not happy. I have two things two say about it. This contains spoilers for the series so you have been warned.

First complaint and observation:

Did anybody get the feeling that the show was supposed to end after the second season but didn't? That everything was wrapped up nicely, Dracula was dead, the big world destruction war was halted, we were shown what the trio would be doing after everything etc. Like it was meant to end there but then a conversation like this happened:

Castlevania team: And that’s a wrap everybody! The good guys took down Dracula in an epic fight, the world was saved, Job Done! Time to move on to new things.

Shareholders, producers, etc: Uhh, actually we already signed you up for a 3rd season. So you might want to get on that.

Castlevania Team: What! But we weren't prepared for a third season! The whole plot is wrapped up! What are we supposed to do?

Shareholders, producers, etc: Don’t know but you better get to figuring it out.

Castlevania: I guess we will just game of thrones it terribly then and hope we make it through.

Because that is what it felt like happened. There seemed to be no overarching plot, just four separate ones and only two of them is even remotely together. They take two side characters Issac and Hector and give them there own plotlines. Issac gets the Denarius treatment for no real reason other than to seemingly follow in Dracula’s footsteps and Hector gets dragged to Camilla’s realm because, she needs a forge master to grow an army so she can take over what has been fractured. They split up the trio, suddenly giving Serphia and Trevor a romantic relationship with little to nothing building up to it and throw them in a quest to keep Dracula from coming back after some crazy monks due some occult doctor who style shenanigans to open a portal to other worlds. And while that is going on, Alucard aka Adrian Tepes gets left alone guarding his fathers now broken castle and the Belmont’s treasure trove for months after everything has happened.

Which flows into my Second point:

Alucard got done dirty in the third season!

We watch as Alucard deals with the mental repercussions of what he did, alone. We watch as he deals with the loneliness of being out in the middle of nowhere alone for months with none to talk too. And we see the toll it is taking on him albeit comedically. 

Then the siblings come in. 

They come to him for help and education on fighting vampires back in their homeland, something that Alucard is more than happy to help with. One, because he has company again and Two, passing on the knowledge to the new generation seemed fitting.

During the time they stay he grows fond of them and they him. You see them training and horsing around, eating meals together and other wholesome shenanigans.

You get to see a conversation where the sibling talk about how they notice how lonely he has been and how they believe he stays out here to punish himself and maybe they should do something for him before they move on. And it’s all like “aww that is so sweet!”

Then you see Alucard trying to sleep and failing miserably in his bed. Even so far as wondering if he should get a coffin to sleep in. Then you see the siblings show up in the door way and begin walking towards him in the bed saying , in a very sultry voice, how alone he must have been, how he should deserve a reward, ectera. Followed by them getting all hot and steamy with him.

 The scene makes a point to show how much Alucard is enjoying this attention, and how happy it is making him. Your watching it and it’s like “Maybe it's gonna be one of those fond memories he will be able to look back on after their gone.” or “Maybe they will become some Badass monster hunting thruple and Alucard wont be alone anymore.”

Nope! Not today in my Grim Dark Gothic Fantasy World!

They instead, after giving Alucard the night of his life, put these metal cuffs on him that shoot out a bunch of ropes that tie him in classic Jesus on a cross position and then proceed to try and kill him. 

Why?

Because the were under the belief he was lying and holding things back from them, and in particular about the castle not being able to move. And they were tired of being lied to.

Luckily for Alucard they didn't realize his sword could move on its own and they weren’t alive for much longer because of it but...Really?

Why? Why do this to him?

He lost his mother to a witch hunt, he had to kill his own father and now this? All in little over a year? What the Hell man!?

Let the Dhampire have nice things! He deserves better than this!

So, I made a headcannon to soothe me angry brain.

I took a fantasy race of mine that was inspired by the Crusnics of Trinity Blood and added them in to Castlevania. In Particular one specific one.

Name: Floki 

Age: Around Adrian’s age give or take a few months.

Hair: Black

Eyes: Mismatched blue/green

Height: About the same as Adrien’s perhaps a little taller.

Personality: Mischevious, HArdworking, Loves deeply, Fiercly but wisely protective, loves to work with his hands, loves to learn more about the world and how it works. Deeply fond of Adrian even though he hasn’t seen him in a few years. Also, a smidge psychotic, but just a smidge.

Floki is part of a race of beings referred to as “The Old Ones”. They are a race similar in habit to the Vampire but they feed off vampires, night creatures and other supernatural beings over humans. They are immensely powerful, even at young ages and have been rumored to be the source of some of the gods of Ancient Mythology. 

Floki’s father (Yet named)  was Dracula’s mentor and where he got much of his scientific knowledge from in his early years. They became friends during his teaching and even after parting ways, would still occasionally see each other every few half centuries or so to trade information and chat.

During this time, Floki’s father was desperately trying to have children of his own and failing. At one point believing that he was sterile and unable to father children. Something Dracula knew as well and so hid Lisa’s pregnancy from him for fear of making his sadness worse.

However, a few months later, It was revealed that his current love was with child and Floki was born accompanied by much drunken Norse revelry.

When the two men met again a few years later, Floki was brought with his father to show to Dracula that he finally had a child. A moment where Dracula also revealed his son and Where Floki met Adrian.

Floki showed Adrian what it was like to play and horse around. They would play pretend out in the woods, get dirty, skin thier knees, the works. And where one was, you would find the other close by.

The visits between the two powerful men became more frequent due to the boys wish to see each other, not that the parents minded all that much.

Over time Floki’s affection for Adrian would change and deepen. His longing to stay by his friends side would get stronger and one fateful afternoon when Adrian got hurt, FLoki would realize how he had fallen in love with him.

Adrian would never know this however, due to Floki’s unstable powers at the time, his sub par control of his hunger and the fear of hurting him.

As they got older, and partly to the above, their visits to see each other would lessen and by the time they were full grown, had stopped entirely. 

That is until Floki Heard of Lisa’s death at the hands of the church.

Even with his incredible power to teleport far distances it took him several months to reach Wallachia. He didn’t seek out Adrian immediately though, too curious to see the truth of what happened.

Each of “The Old Ones” Has a unique skill that is developed and evolved over time, according to personality, interest, skill and homeland. Due to Floki’s curiosity, his love for history and his desire to see how it all works together, he developed what he liked to call, memory recall.

His skill allowed him to see memories of the past through people, objects or locations where something that evoked strong emotional or magical reactions in the area happened. And if there was no such thing, if the event was more recent, if he had access to people that were there and stood on the location, he could see and feel the event as if he lived it.

Lisa’s death held him up in an inn for several days trying to chase the feeling of flames on  his skin. Dracula’s anger and grief laid him up for even longer as he cried himself sick. 

Gregit was better though, seeing the man who did the deed getting called out by a demon and then eaten gave him a bit of satisfaction.

Briela was fascinating though. He had to meet whomever managed to capture the ever moving castle.

By the Time Floki would arrive at the now defunk castle and underground hold, the siblings bodies are already outside on pikes.

This doesn't scare him away of course, and to find out why they were there he uses his memory recall. Where he sees through there eyes what they did to Adrian, albeit a little fuzzy. But is able to hear what the twins were thinking in that moment and see, just for a short time, Adrian tied to the bed afraid and hurt.

This causes him to snap his fingers and cause the corpses to burst into flames.

An action that draws Adrian’s attention causing a little bit of a fight before they recognize each other.

Over the next while Adrian allows Floki to stay and fix the castle as well as the Belmont estate and work towards getting the transportation engine online again. Eventually. 

Overtime, all of Floki’s feelings come back with a vengeance and he gives as much attention and TLC to Adrian as he allows. Eventually getting Adrian to allow him close enough to see though his memory what the siblings had done to him

A scene that will either start a few revelations with both Adrian and FLoki or lead to a very steamy situation. Possibly both.

But it all ends in Adrian getting all the Love and TLC that man deserves after the hell he was put through.

I just hope they aren’t trying to set him up to become an antagonist later... 

[skiller0dani]

Cherry Pie (1) | Billy Mitman

M A S T E R L I S T

smut | slow burn  requests info wanna be on a Timmy taglist? click here

surprise I wrote a Billy short series! For this however I’m not using Y/N, I have an actual OC name picked out for this character. I hope you guys enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. 

lemme also clear some stuff up YES this is a teacher/student relationship story NO there are no adult/under-aged person relationships  YES I made Billy 18 in this story, because lets say he’s in his final semester of senior year.  NO smut will not be in every chapter of this short story. It’s a SLOW BURN. meaning I will be adding sexual tension to every chapter to build up the anticipation for when it finally happens. 

| Upon realizing her emotional and mental health was in desperate need of assistance, Miss Rachel Stevens had requested a week off in order to address these issues with a professional. To sub her senior English Class is Miss. Alice Perribow, the resident Art teacher at Valley High School. | 

***

MONDAY

Alice Perribow was what you’d imagine as a well put together woman. Smart, well dressed, on time, prepared, as a teacher she was the definition of responsible. This was simply to mask the fact that her entire life was falling apart, going through a messy divorce and property battle over her perfect house with her soon to be ex husband was causing some outside stress. Alice never brought home stress to work, she allowed herself to indulge in the happiness her job gave her, even for 8 hours a day. So when Rachel Stevens came knocking on Alice’s office door after hours and pleaded her to sub- Alice was hesitant to say yes but agreed anyway. She always has had an inability to say no to people who have shown her nothing but kindness, and Rachel was very kind. Alice’s hair was messier than it normally would have been this Monday morning, she had been running late due to a mistimed alarm. Her brunette hair was thrown up in a messy bun and her short heels clicked down the hallway as she rushed to Rachel’s classroom. The only way Alice could make this work was by subbing in the afternoon, the librarian Mr. Fredricks subbed the morning classes. Alice also had to teach Art in the morning, but didn’t have classes in the afternoon, usually just private lessons with students. 

Alice was quite pleased to see no students waiting in the classroom when she pushed in, and unceremoniously dropped her things onto the desk sending a binder of papers crashing to the ground. “Shit,” Alice mumbled to herself as she crouched down to gather the papers. Suddenly a pair of dark tennis shoes joined her as someone crouched to help her pick up the papers. When Alice looked up, her throat closed only slightly upon looking into the greenest eyes she’s ever seen. A pair of green eyes that belonged to Billy Mitman, “thank you Billy.” Alice smiled, taking the papers from him as she stands. She’d seen Billy around the hallways before, and he’d also been by her office a few times for piano lessons. “Of course Miss Perribow.” He says, flashing her a smile before turning down the row of chairs to his desk. His eyes stayed on her and he only wondered where Miss Stevens was for a fleeting moment before his focus returned to Miss Perribow. She was beautiful, her dark hair framed her face perfectly and her eyes were so bright as she turned to the whiteboard. Miss Perribow was a bit curvier than Miss Stevens, and Billy couldn’t take his eyes off the way those jeans hugged her hips. Billy knows it’s wrong for him to be thinking of his teachers this way, but girls his own age don’t interest him. 

She so gracefully wrote her name out on the whiteboard as more students trickled in. Margot came in and beamed when she saw Miss Perribow, “good afternoon Miss Perribow!” She exclaimed and Alice turned with a smile on her face. Alice already knew Margot fairly well, she had taken Alice’s Art class every single year of her high school career. “Margot, so good to see you.” Alice said, a dimple popping out on her left cheek. Billy smiles fondly at the small dimple in her cheek. Soon the first bell was ringing and Alice closed the door before turning to address the class, “I’m sure a lot of you already know me but in case you don’t- I’m Miss Perribow. I’m going to be the afternoon sub for Miss Stevens this week.” She smiled and Billy noticed two boys adjacent to his left sharing a look before turning their horny gaze back towards Alice. “So from what I understand is that you were about to start the Canterbury Tales yeah?” She asks for clarification, and Margot nodded happily. Alice smiles warmly at Margot before pulling a copy of the book, “what would you say the overall theme of this tale is?” She asks and the entire room falls into silence. Margot glances around before raising her hand, “it’s clearly about courtly love. These two men, once family nearly beat each other to death to prove they deserve her affections. In my opinion, it’s a tale of how poisoning love can be.” 

One of the boys to Billy’s left snickers, “did we read the same thing? Because I’m pretty sure one of them got sick from a gnarly case of blue balls.” He says with a smirk, and most of the class erupts in laughter. He’s a big guy, definitely a football player and built like a tank. In fact if Billy recalls correctly, that’s what most people call him: Tank, even though his real name is Leon. He leans forward on his desk, eyeing Alice. “Do you know what that is Miss Perribow?” Tank smiles slyly and Billy feels annoyance bubbling in his chest. Alice manages a small smile as she turns her attention towards Tank, “you know Leon, I think it would be a much better idea to return to the Knights Tale.” Alice dismisses but Tank turns to his friends and smirks before clearing his throat loudly. “It’s when a girl gets a guys engine revving, and he pops a hard one, but then she doesn’t do anything about it. She just leaves him there with blue balls. Get it? Cause they’re sad.” Tank raises an eyebrow as Alice turns to look back at him. She smiles warmly, doing her best to keep her frustration at bay as she strolls down the row towards Tank’s desk. She leans over on Tank’s desk, placing her palms flat on the surface of the desk. “Tank, it seems you have forgotten that I know your mother personally. Shall I give her a call and inform her that you thought it would be appropriate to educate the class on sex ed today?” She asks, her tone serious while Tank’s cheeks turn scarlet.

The class giggles quietly as Tank sinks back into his desk, but when Alice turns Tank whips his phone out and snaps a photo of her ass. “Delete that.” Billy snaps loudly, drawing Tank’s attention as well as everyone else in the room. Alice turns, her eyebrows furrowed as Tank and Billy are locked in a deep glaring match. “What the hell are you talking about freak?” Tank snaps and Billy takes a deep breath through his nose as Alice makes her way back down the row of desks. “I saw you take a picture of Miss Perribow, and I know you didn’t take it because you really like her jeans.” Billy snaps and Alice’s eyebrows raise as she turns towards Tank. Tank’s cheeks are red, but not with embarrassment- this time it’s with anger. “Leon, please see me after class. Billy, you too.” Alice says, looking over the both of them before returning to the lesson. Billy keeps his eyes on Tank for the remainder of class, and he hates when he sees Tank shamelessly look down Alice’s shirt. When the bell rings, neither of the boys move as Alice walks towards them and sits in the desk in front of Billy. Their eyes meet and Alice quickly looks away when she feels the tingles shoot through her body. “Somebody want to tell me what’s going on here?” She asks, looking between the boys. 

“Yeah Tank is a pervert and took a picture of your ass.” Billy snaps, his voice tense as he glares over at Tank. Alice’s cheeks flush as she averts her eyes to Tank, “is that true?” She asks and Tank rolls his eyes. “Which part? Because no I’m not a pervert, I’m a lover baby. Did I take a picture of your ass? Hell yeah, I’ll need some jack off material for later.” Tank snickers, simply enjoying the rise he gets out Billy with every word out of his mouth. Billy pushes up from his desk angrily, and Tank stands too. The two of them are chest to chest and they stand eye to eye, although Billy is the same height as Tank- he’s not nearly as muscular. Alice stands, and when Tank’s eyes avert to her Billy immediately steps in front of her. “Boys, you both need to calm down. I think this conversation should be continued in Mr. Alvarez’s office.” Alice says, trying to move between the boys but Billy won’t let her get anywhere near Tank. “I’d happily bend you over his desk if that’s what you mean.” Tank smiles and Billy is lurching forward before Alice arms curl around him to hold him back. “Tank you need to leave,” Alice snaps and he shrugs as he casually walks out of the classroom. The bell rings again, signaling the end of the school day as Billy stands in the classroom- his chest heaving. 

“Billy, you know he was saying that just to make you angry right?” Alice says gently, and he shrugs as he reaches for his bag. Billy begins to head for the door when Alice’s left hand catches his eye, “Miss Perribow, aren’t you married?” He asks, stopping when he notices her lack of wedding ring. Alice is surprised to say the least, she didn’t imagine any of her students paid that much attention. “We’re um- separated.” Alice explains awkwardly and Billy nods as his eyes stay fixed on her. Alice’s cheeks heat up under Billy’s gaze and she takes a deep breath to control her emotions. She’s just lonely without Ben that’s all, she’s projecting her feelings of loneliness on a handsome student. He’s a teenager, and she needs to get herself together. “What happened?” He asked and what scared Alice the most about Billy’s question, was how genuinely he asked her. The look on his face makes her think he genuinely cares, but she knows about Billy. Rachel gave her a bit of a warning on Billy’s own issues with projecting his feelings on others. He doesn’t really care, he’s just projecting. “Sometimes things just don’t work out.” Alice smiles through the breaking of her heart. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear, ignoring the look that Billy is giving her. A look that says he isn’t buying her bullshit line. 

“Was he a douchebag or something?” Billy asks, sitting back against a front row desk as Alice begins to pack up her things into her bag. “Billy, language.” Alice scolds gently, ignoring the cheeky smile on Billy’s face when he notices her flushed cheeks. “He did something didn’t he?” Billy says, and Alice gives him another look before sighing deeply and running a hand down her face. “Yes he did, and I don’t really want to talk about it.” Alice says and Billy nods instantly, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips. Alice turns to her book and begins to look over the lesson for tomorrow as Billy makes his way out of the classroom, and he nearly says something he shouldn’t but he bites his tongue. Alice spends at least another hour sitting at that desk, writing out the lesson for tomorrow. In the back of her mind her thoughts drift back to Billy, he’s charming and sweet in a boyish way. He’s smart, and he thinks deep thoughts- Rachel says he thinks quite philosophically. Tank however is becoming a problem that deeply concerns Alice, he’s much taller and much stronger than she is. The next morning she’ll have to talk to Mr. Alvarez about him. 

The sun is setting when Alice makes her way towards the parking lot but out of the corner of her eye she sees a figure leaning against the school. Turning her head, her cheeks warm when she sees Billy leaning against the brick wall with a cigarette in his mouth. “Billy?” She calls, and he glances her way with a smile on his face. Alice hugs her bag to her chest as she makes her way towards Billy, “what are you still doing here?” She asks him and Billy shrugs, taking another drag from his cigarette. He rests his head back, his signature blue hoodie loosely hanging around his shoulders. “Skipped the bus.” He says with a smile as he blows smoke out. He turns his gaze to hers and he cocks an eyebrow when he notices her cheeks warm. Alice steps back, “why?” She asks him, and he chuckles as he drops his cigarette butt to the ground before putting it out with his shoe. Billy pushes off the wall and steps towards Alice, and her breath catches in her throat. “I wanted to see you Miss Perribow,” Billy breathes and Alice feels a shiver run down her back. This is a student. Alice steps back further, trying to distance herself from Billy. “Billy that’s- that’s not appropriate. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Alice says, her voice rushed as she turns towards her car. 

“I don’t have a ride, so I hope you’re comfortable leaving a student alone at night with no way to get home. Guess I’ll have to walk.” Billy says, his voice lilted mischievously. Alice halts, her back still facing him. As a teacher, she can’t leave him here alone. “I’ll give you a ride, this once.” Alice says and Billy smirks as he lifts his bag over his shoulder before falling into step next to Alice. “It’ll be our little secret Miss Perribow.” He says with a wink and Alice simply slides into the driver seat of her car. The silence in the car is a tad bit uncomfortable as Alice pulls the car out of the parking lot, and heads towards Billy’s house. “Is Perribow your maiden name?” Billy asks suddenly, the street lamps illuminating his face as the car passes underneath them. Alice bites at her bottom lip as she turns the corner, “yeah it is.” She says and Billy nods with a soft hum. Alice dreads heading back home, Ben is probably there and she doesn’t feel like facing him at this moment. “What did he do? Your ex-husband?” Billy asks, his voice soft as he looks over at her with gentle eyes. Alice feels a rush of emotion sneak up on her, god this is so unprofessional. She keeps her eyes on the road as she softly sniffles, “he cheated on me.” Billy is quiet, but Alice knows his eyes are on her. 

When the tears come, Alice feels beyond embarrassed and refuses to look at Billy. “Pull over.” He says, and Alice pulls in front of a house putting the car in park. She wipes her eyes as she turns to look at him, “is this your house?” She asks, trying to divert the attention from her misty eyes. Billy turns in his seat to look at her, one of his hands coming to hold hers. “No, but you shouldn’t be alone right now.” He says and Alice pulls her hand from his while quickly shaking her head. Alice takes a deep breath before turning to look at him, “Billy no I need to get you home, your parents are worried sick I’m sure.” She argues, it’s time to be the responsible adult. Billy stubbornly shakes is head, “nope told them I was hanging with Sam and wouldn’t be home until late. Look if you don’t want me here I’ll get out and just hang out until later-” Billy starts, turning to get out of the car but Alice places a hand on his arm to stop him. “Just tell me where you live-” She asks but Billy opens the door and exits the car. With a heavy sigh Alice exits her car after him, “Billy! It’s not safe for you alone.” She tries to reason but he just keeps walking. Feeling panic and worry for his well being Alice calls out after him once more. 

“Okay you’re right! I don’t want to be alone, but you are a student. An underaged student. I’m breaking a law just being with you now after hours.” Billy stops, and then turns to look at her. Their eyes lock as he makes his way back towards her, “I’m old enough to know what I want. I want to help you tonight.” Billy argues but Alice waves her hands. Why does she have to be so drawn to him? “You’re 17 Billy.” She protests and Billy laughs bitterly. “I’m turning 18 tomorrow. I’m practically an adult already.” He says, and she knows she won’t change his mind- it’ll be dangerous for him to wander around at night alone. “Billy-” She starts but Billy cuts her off, “Alice.” Her words die in her throat as she shivers upon hearing her name roll off Billy’s tongue. Alice stands silent, her eyes fluttering as she looks at Billy and finally she enters her car. Billy slides into the passenger seat, “I’m hungry for ice cream. I have money.” He says and Alice feels reluctant and anxious as she hesitantly starts the engine of her car. She takes off towards the nearest ice cream shop, ignoring how her heart races in his presence. Alice is aware of Billy’s behavioral issues, and she’s not sure if he’s currently on his medication or not. 

Once they’d gotten ice cream and parked in an empty parking lot, Billy turned to Alice again. “Who did he cheat on you with?” He asks and Alice has no idea why he is so interested in her failed marriage, but it is kind of nice to talk to someone about it. “His secretary. Screwed her at work, came home to me.” Alice laughed bitterly, not even worrying about being professional anymore. Clearly it doesn’t matter to Billy whether or not she’s his teacher, he’s determined to break down her walls. “He sounds like a dick.” Billy says and the simplicity of his comment, despite how complicated their situation is makes Alice laugh softly. Alice spoons more ice cream into her mouth, “yeah he is a dick.” She agrees and Billy smiles next to her. Alice turns to look at Billy, admiring his side profile for a moment longer then she should. “Billy, why don’t you hang out with people your age? Instead you spent time with Miss Stevens, and now me.” She asks and Billy pauses, as though he’s searching for the right words. “Because you’re smart, beautiful, experienced. You’re a real person, not just some high school kid caught up in shit that doesn’t actually matter.” He says, his eyes locking on hers once again. Before Alice can even move Billy is leaning over the center console and pressing his lips to hers. Alice freezes for a moment before melting against him, her lips moving with his for a fraction of a second before her mind once again returns to clarity. 

Alice yanks away from him, panic pounding in her chest. “You’re 17, and I’m your teacher what the hell am I doing?” Alice panics, her hands fumbling to start the car. Billy tries to reach for her hand, but she won’t even touch him. “Alice it’s okay, I know what I want-” He starts but Alice vigorously shakes her head, her hands digging into her hair as she drops her head to the steering wheel. Billy reaches out for her once more, “Alice you didn’t do anything wrong. I wanted that.” He reassures her with a hand rubbing down her back but Alice snaps up and gently pushes his hand off her- despite the fact that he was actually calming her down. “My name is Miss Perribow, and you need to tell me where you live William.” She says sternly, her eyes focused straight ahead. Billy leans back in his seat, mumbling his address and she takes off. Alice’s hands are trembling as she drives quickly, and she hates how her lips are still tingling from the slight contact with his. This is wrong. How she’s feeling is wrong. “Alice, I know you wanted it. I felt you lean into me, and you can deny it all you want but I felt the spark. I know you felt it too.” Billy snaps once they arrive at his house, slamming the car door once he exits. 

Alice exhales a shaky breath once his front door is closed and she drives down to her house, which funnily enough isn’t far from Billy’s house. When the garage closes behind her, she drags herself into the house and sure enough Ben is sitting at the kitchen counter. “Where have you been? I’ve been so worried baby,” He says, his voice soft with concern as he stands to approach her. Alice waves him off, feeling bile rising in her throat when he calls her baby. “Ben please don’t.” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose with her pointer and thumb as she kicks her shoes off. “Don’t call me that. You know we’re divorcing.” She says, her voice tired and he doesn’t push her. He watches her trudge up the stairs, but something about her seems off tonight. Like her mind is elsewhere. As Alice pulls herself into bed, she can’t get a certain pair of green eyes out of her head. She can’t forget the feeling of his lips on hers, and she knows the rest of this week is going to be more difficult than she’d anticipated. 

***taglist*** @irishbish​ @90sthemedsunsets​ @newletas​ @londonmademedoit​ @80sangelics​

[famedroleplayarchive]

HAN JIHAE, better know as JIHAN, is the MAKNAE, MAIN VOCAL, AND LEAD DANCER of ORIGIN under GOLD STAR MEDIA. He was born on OCTOBER 28, 1997. He looks a little like NA JAEMIN OF NCT.

CHARACTER INFORMATION

faceclaim: Na Jaemin, member of NCT

legal name: Han Jihae

stage name: Jihan

pronouns: he/they

birth date: October 28, 1997

hometown: Zurich, Switzerland

position: maknae, main vocal & lead dancer of Origin

claims: ACTING – Seok Hansung in Hwarang (2016-2017) – Hwang Woojoo in SKY Castle (2018-2019) – Jung Seyeon in True Beauty (2020-2021) OST – It’s Definitely You, Hwarang (2016-2017) – How Do You Do, True Beauty (2020-2021)

BIOGRAPHY

triggers: injury (i.) , bullying, eating disorder / bulimia (vi.)

i.

The story starts with scraped knees and a sprained ankle. Han Jihae is seven and this is the fifth time in the last five months their mother has to bring them to the doctor’s office.

An injury is a temporary thing. Their hunger for the world, however, is not and no amount of split lips and aching bones, no pattern of bruises is enough to signal them that it is time to stop. It’s not like they beg for trouble, trouble just happens to be the natural consequence of wandering off the beaten path in the woods, trouble comes when you poke the proverbial hornet’s nest to see what happens. Trouble finds you when you refuse to step back without an answer when the world tells you no.

Jiyong waits back home perched on the windowsill, swaddled in blankets—at six, they share the same face and the same voice and the same charming smile, even if Jiyong is weak and tired where Jihae isn’t.

“I’ll bring you the world,” Jihae vows and presses their newest finding, a smooth, speckled pebble into the palm of Jiyong’s hand. “Just you wait.”

ii.

There is only so much a worried parent can take, watching their offspring run from one pitfall into the next. “Too much energy and no direction,” that’s what their kindergarten teacher says. “He means well, he just doesn’t know how to go about things.” It’s a kind way to put the forceful ways they learn to stand up for others. The road to hell is paved by good intentions, after all.

“Maybe it’s time we find you two a hobby,” Mama suggests, her voice cheerily saccharine. “Maybe,” Jiyong amends. “Try me,” Jihae challenges.

They last six months, until a dance studio opens two streets away and all of the neighbourhood kids are starting classes. Jiyong can’t go, Jiyong is sick and shivering and sleeping his fever off on Papa’s lap.

“Go anyway, Jihae,” Mama tells them softly and pets their hair. “He’d be upset if you missed out on the fun.” “It’s not going to be fun,” they push back vehemently. “It’s never going to be real fun without Jiyong.”

They go. And they dance. And they fall in love.

iii.

Summers in Seoul have always been sweltering and humid, the air heavy and thick with smog. They’re worse in the shoddy dance studio where Jihae’s older cousin Sunhee practices with her dance crew, but right now it’s summer break they’re one member short and Jiyong’s gentle assurance that Jihae can dance, that they’re good still rings in their ears when they shuffle a little closer to the rest.

Jihae feels lonely in the room, a skinny child just shy of twelve standing between a pack of teens. It lasts until they start practice and things fall into place. No one at home ever listens to K-pop, Mama and Papa both grew up abroad themselves already and Swiss radio rarely ever plays anything without English lyrics.

The songs they dance to this afternoon are different, come with choreography and bright and flashy music videos and Jihae and Jiyong stay up late that night, Sunhee squished between them and going through her favourite songs.

“We’re not seriously busking,” Sunhee tells the man with the business card. “We’re just playing around.” Her body feels warm and firm when Jihae hides behind it. “That’s okay,” the man says and crouches down in an attempt to get a better look at them. “How old are you?” “He doesn’t speak Korean–” “Eleven.” Jihae doesn’t mean to disobey Sunhee. But they’ve been asked a question and it’d be rude not to answer, wouldn’t it? “Eleven is a good age,” the man says and hands them a card. “Have you ever wanted to be a star, kid?”

Even Mama knows who Bang Sunyoung is. Papa looks less impressed. “It’d be just to try it out!” Jihae repeats what the man in Hongdae told them. “You’re starting sixth grade back home in two weeks,” Papa points out. “Honey, I didn’t even know Bang Sunyoung has her own company–” “Can we do this later, dear?” “– Sorry.” Jihae frowns up at their father. “Sunhee says it’s because I did well,” they add. “I have no doubt you did. But it’s not this as easy as that, Jihae.”

They throw the business card in the bin that evening, frustrated and angry and humiliated. Come morning, they find it on their clothes from the day before, dog-eared and a little creased. “Try again,” Jiyong’s handwriting tells them.

iv.

It takes the better part of a semester and the promise to bring back top grades and not to fight their teachers for Jihae’s parents to start looking into Gold Star auditions and schools in Seoul. Sunhee’s mother, auntie Hyunjoo, offers them her guest bedroom for Jihae to stay in.

“And if things go bad you come back home right away, yes?” Mama tells them. Worry looks strange on her face. Jihae doesn’t like it.

“Yes, mama,” they tell her, watching the lines in her face fade hesitantly.

Things won’t go bad, they think to themselves, I won’t let them.

v.

Things first go really well and then they go really bad.

Han Jihae is thirteen when they start training under Gold Star Media, all knobby elbows and bruised legs, slowly starting to grow in what one day will be their adult body. Training is excruciating. The coaches don’t care about how much homework they have. Their Korean is more bare bones than they thought it would be. The dorms are cramped and true privacy is a rare luxury. They miss their parents, they miss Jiyong, they miss their youngest sibling, little Jiyeon who is still just six and might forget about them before they even get to debut.

They want to give up.

“But isn’t this what you worked so hard for?” Jiyong asks through the phone. Jihae can’t recall ever hearing their twin brother so heartbroken.

“Well, I want to give up,” they tell him with so much fake bravado, they almost buy it themselves. “Doesn’t mean I’m going to.”

Singing, turns out, is nicer than dancing. Singing is something Jihae is naturally good at, something that is comfortable and fun. When dancing takes their breath it’s through singing that they learn to take it back.

Soon, more than a dancer, Han Jihae turns into a singer.

vi.

Being picked on is infuriating. Being picked on knowing that fighting back isn’t an option—not if they want to avoid future bullying scandals—is excruciating. Jihae is used to being othered but up to this point giving his bullies hell in return has always been a possibility.

Instead, they learn to redirect their anger. Eat your frustrations, purge in embarrassment. Brush their teeth lest they want to lose them, hide the traces lest they want to look like you’re asking for pity. Rinse, repeat. Toe the line of breaking, this is a punishment, this is a reminder that they’re still in control. Their justifications start blurring and contradicting themselves.

They pretend not to see, close their eyes and ignore how every time catharsis slips a little faster through the cracks in their armour, leaving them hungry and hollow and ashamed.

Unexpectedly, it’s the trainee selections for Who’s Next that break the cycle. Being on television is stressful in a way different from what they’re used to so far but the attention they receive reignites their excitement. Their former “coping methods” no longer work and put their voice at risk instead and so they’re left in front of a camera, hands wringing behind their back hoping no one can tell how scared they actually are.

And it pays off. Team A wins and Jihae establishes a base level of affection for being the darling youngest, mischievous and radiant. It’s an act, the person Jihae would like to be so desperately, but it’s okay. They can still grow into their wings as they go, right?

vii.

Turns out that it’s not quite that easy. Debuting is stressful and what follows is the weight of knowing that they’re currently underperforming, their concept just a smidge too niche to really catch on. The anger returns, flaring and all-consuming and this time there’s no more room to purge it so instead, they start bottling it up.

The person Jihae crafts into their public persona seems to become more distant with every comeback and they’re tired to the bone when Origin’s success finally finds them. All they can do is to let the wave sweep them along and gasp for half a breath before they throw themselves back into pretending.

Turns out that pretending for a living—actually so, past the faking of an idolsona—is actually a lot of fun. Their first acting gig they’re offered in late 2016, more a matter of making sure Origin remains fresh in everyone’s perception by shoving them down the public’s throat than anything else, really. Jihae is just around the right age for the role and that’s what everyone else assumes too, that Origin’s sudden spike in fame has made the members, specifically, cocky, that they have no place taking trained actors’ spaces, that they have no value to contribute to South Korea’s acting sphere. Hwarang doesn’t return the money it’s supposed to, either, but to Jihae it’s an opportunity to put on a wig and a fancy costume and pretend not to be themselves for a while and as long as the cameras are running the experience is liberating.

They don’t do as badly as expected and even after an underperforming acting debut they’re approached about an audition again later down the line. It’s while on set for SKY Castle that they realize that in their supporting roles, neither Hwarang nor this opportunity really rest much of their success on Jihae’s shoulders specifically. The responsibility they take on feels lighter when the pressure is split amongst a cast so much bigger than Origin and no amount of vile comments can take that budding sense of relief away from them.

When they’re first approached about their appearance in True Beauty they don’t anticipate for it to be their tipping point. It’s pride that ultimately makes them accept the role in spite of the reminders of what it entails and it’s pride that leaves them feeling horribly afterwards. Their performance seemingly hits the mark—Jihae wouldn’t know, they never end up watching the show air. But it becomes an unpleasant reminder that they’re not as well-equipped to cope as they like to pretend they are.

viii.

Han Jihae is twenty-three and the world is at their feet. Maybe not theirs specifically, but close enough. The beginning of the new decade marks a shift in pace, a gentle lean into something that feels a little more manageable at last. Maybe they’ve finally started to grow used to the life they wanted and weren’t prepared for, maybe it’s the beginning of the end because apparently if fame doesn’t breed misery it’s not truly fame—who knows.

Whatever it may be, for the first time in eleven years Jihae can finally turn around to look at the one thing they’ve neglected the most: themselves. They don’t quite know what to make of the jagged edges where things have broken and splintered or how to patch the holes they’ve burnt into themselves but for the first time in a long while they feel ready to learn how to heal.

[voltage-vixen]

Kidnapped by the Kings---Part IX

Part I    II   III   IV   V  VI  VII  VIII

Prologue: Between being reunited with MC and finding out that he and the woman he loved more than anything were expecting a child together, Taki’s heart overflowing with love and affection. Taki reached into his pocket and squeezed the ring tightly. This wasn’t originally how he planned to propose to MC, but the timing had never felt more appropriate. Getting down on his knee, he grabbed her left hand, and MC let out a shocked gasp.

“I love you more than anything MC. Will you marry m-.”

The door slammed open, and the once romantic atmosphere was now gone. Taki and MC looked over to see Eisuke standing there with his arms crossed, and a big grin on his face.

“Am I interrupting something?” -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eisuke ignored the glares that Taki was shooting at him, and instead tried to make eye contact with MC. A pang of guilt hit him when he saw her wince in fear at the mere sight of him. He opened his mouth in preparation to try and reassure her, but the sudden banging on the door to her room distracted him. Without waiting for a reply, the door slammed open and an angry looking man stood there. He was desperately trying to catch his breath, and although Eisuke had never seen this man before, the look on both Taki’s and MC’s faces told him that they both have.

“Tomohiro! Why are you here?” MC anxiously questioned. Neglecting to answer her, Tomohiro started to storm over, but Taki was quick to intervene. “What the hell do you want?” Taki angrily barked. He went to strike MC’s ex-husband, and would have been successful had Eisuke not grabbed his arm. “State your business,” Eisuke coolly demanded. The last thing he wanted was for MC to undergo anymore stress, and he couldn’t stand to see the look of hurt that had appeared in her eyes when she saw this Tomohiro character.

Not feeling the least bit intimidated, Tomohiro confronted the two men that had taken on the roles as MC’s bodyguards. “Kozue is missing,” Tomohiro hissed through his teeth, “I haven’t been able to get ahold of her, let alone find her anywhere. I know you had something to do with it.” Before anyone could respond, Yosuke came bouncing into the room with a serious looking Shun trailing behind him. “We can always arrange for you to join Kozue if you would like,” Yosuke provoked. He held up a red flash drive, and Tomohiro’s aggressive demeanor immediately became passive. “I thought you would recognize this. Now, let’s go finish the rest of this conversation outside. MC has been through enough, and the last thing she wants to see is your face,” Yosuke sneered.

Shun lightly pushed Tomohiro towards the door, and he reluctantly shuffled into the hallway. The two had left, but Yosuke remained behind and his eyes darted back and forth between Taki and MC. He didn’t say anything and continued to awkwardly stand there until Taki finally sighed. “Why are you still here?” Not one to ever take a hint, Yosuke walked over to Taki and started to nudge his shoulder. “Taki, didn’t you have something you needed to finish saying? Anything at all? Maybe something like a marriage prop-.” Yosuke didn’t have a chance to finish because Taki had elbowed him in the chest. “Goodbye, Yosuke!”

Yosuke coughed and sputtered in response to Taki’s jab. “Alright, alright, I can tell when I’m not wanted.” He was about to leave, when Yosuke seemed to have just noticed Eisuke standing there. “Hey, that’s not fair,” he sadly pouted, “Why does he get to stay, and I don’t? Do you not love me anymore Taki?” Taki swatted Yosuke’s head, before he shoved him out into the hallway and slammed the door in his face. “God, that guy never learns,” Taki muttered before returning to MC’s side. His hand pulled her head into his chest, and Taki stroked her back while allowing MC to snuggle into his body. “I’m sorry you had to experience that,” Taki apologized, “You won’t ever have to see that lowlife again.” The couple had seemed to forget that Eisuke was still in the room, and they stayed in their intimate embrace.

Unable to watch the scene take place in front of him anymore, Eisuke loudly cleared his throat to get their attention. “I’m a very busy individual, and I don’t have time to watch you two waste time all day,” he bellowed. Eisuke turned his focus onto MC. “I’m sorry that you got yourself in such a dangerous situation, and that I had to waste my precious time taking care of you. You’re free to carry on with your life now, and you don’t have to return to the Tres Spades.” Taki’s face flushed with anger, and MC could tell he was about to retort back to Eisuke’s comment. Not wanting to cause anymore of a commotion, MC silenced Taki by squeezing his arm, instead and responded to Eisuke herself. “I’m grateful everything worked out in the end.” She bowed her head to Eisuke, and without a word he headed towards the door.

Eisuke glanced back at the couple. This was the happiest he had ever seen MC look, and he could tell that the Taki guy loved her dearly too. Leaving right now is the best thing for everyone, Eisuke gloomily thought. With that conclusion, Eisuke left the couple to their own endeavors. For the first time in a long time, Eisuke had decided to act unselfishly and put the wants of another person above his own.

MC watched Eisuke leave and sighed in relief knowing that this horrible situation was now finally behind them all. Now that her and Taki were alone again, she remembered what Taki had been about to ask her before they were interrupted! “Hey, Taki,” she began, “About before….I wanted to say y-.” MC didn’t ever get to finish her response, because Taki aggressively shushed her. “Forget about everything that happened before,” Taki replied in an aloof tone. He stood up and avoided her gaze. “I’m glad you’re feeling better, but I need to run into the office and take care of some things. I’ll be back to check on you later.” He abruptly disappeared from her room, leaving behind a very confused MC.

“D-Did he decide that he didn’t want to marry me anymore?” A single tear trickled down her cheek. The lone tear was soon followed by another, until eventually she was left sobbing feeling more alone than ever bewildered by Taki’s hasty change in behavior.

Part X

Feel free to check out my Masterlist!

@agustd54, @kageseirelle, @bibbletae, @totally-not-a-turtle, @kitsune-mana, @babysukeyyyy, @shewolf-otomeplayer, @hazel2daiki, @voltagelove365lover

[tansypoisoning]

💀🐇🔥💚🗡🔨 for Bucky and Steve please?

Yandere asks

Bucky

💀 What are they like in their cruelest moments?

At his worst, when he’s at a lost of what to do with his SO, he will control their access to things to help them with their most basic needs. He doesn’t want to hit or restrain his SO, but hurting them in other ways is not off the table.

Forget your contact with the outside world; he won’t let you leave to have basic human interactions - why would you, when you have him? But, oh, lest we forget, he’s too mad to be talking to you right now, so I guess you will have to be a little lonely for a while. You want to sleep? Good luck doing that with the intense spotlights that are placed all over the room he’s locked you in. Food will come with as little frequency as it must to keep you alive and be as bland as possible (he will feed you intravenously if he has to). There is no bathroom access, and no bucket for you to relieve yourself; you can soil your clothes and he’ll clean you just to ensure your health.

When you’re so desperate you’d do anything for things to go back to what they were before you pissed him off, he’ll be waiting with open arms.

🐇 What is their ideal way to care for their crush?

Bucky’s admiration for the SO is so great he sometimes feels bad about himself when he’s near them. Even though he will demand their attention, he won’t do it as often as he would like (read: all the time) because he doesn’t feel worthy of their affection.

His ideal way to take care of their SO involves mostly being out of view; watching over them as they go about their day, buying things they might need and leaving them somewhere convenient for his SO to find; cleaning their house when they’re away; secretly installing softwares in his SO’s tech so he can always keep an eye on them. You know, little things.

🔥 Any secret kinks?

You know how we read stories about characters being obsessed with the reader? Bucky would love to do the same, only in reverse. He trembles just thinking about the person he wants wanting him back so much they’ll just jump him. The thought of his SO being as in love with him as he is with them? So hot.

Be forceful and take what you want; so long as what you want is him

💚 Best way to calm them down?

Be veeer-ry gentle with him. Talk to him softly, run your fingers through his hair, kiss his forehead, and just let him work through whatever is bothering him on his own. As long as his SO approaches him with the clear intent of comforting him, they should be fine.

🗡 Are they sadistic?

Never! Bucky hates to see his SO suffer, and all the punishment he administers has strictly educational purposes (whether they’re efficient or not is another matter). Seeing his SO cry tugs at his heart in the worst of ways, but if he’s convinced they have to go through the pain, he’ll soldier through. Remember, it hurts him more than it hurts you.

🔨 What is an instant turn on for them?

Just be happy and relaxed: Bucky loves to see his SO happy and stress free. Seeing them in a stated of relaxation really does it for him, because it means he’s doing his job well. Of course, given how intense his affection is, his SO will hardly ever be totally at ease.

Jump his bones: If his SO approaches him for any kind of intimacy, he’ll be immediately hard. All he ever wanted is for his SO to want him back, and when they do? He can barely contain his joy. Just saying that you like him will do the trick, tbh.

Play with his hair: I don’t have any explanation for this, I just get this vibe from Bucky. Touch his hair and he’s happy as a clam.

Steve

💀 What are they like in their cruelest moments?

He will systematically destroy the things that are important to his SO, from least important (favorite book or a trip they wanted to go on) to most important (their career or loved ones). He will play it coy too, acting as if he didn’t do anything or as if, yeah, sure, he did do it, but it was an accident/he was just trying to makes things better.

Steve can be very cruel, but his wrath is calculated, as he wants to keep some plausible deniability, if not for his SO and not for the outside world, at least for himself.

🐇 What is their ideal way to care for their crush?

Steve wants to help them with anything they struggle with. Even if he’s not any good at it, even if he’s worse at it than them, he’ll learn and practice until he becomes and expert to help his SO with whatever it is they need. He prides himself in being needed, and doing something his SO can do easily doesn’t drive the point home quite as well as doing things they can���t to.

🔥 Any secret kinks?

Honestly, just worship him. He’s too ashamed to ever bring it up, but to have his SO willingly kiss every inch of his body, resting their head on his thigh while they look at him adoringly and hanging onto his every word is just

He would also be super happy if he managed to get his SO pregnant, but that’s not much of a secret.

💚 Best way to calm them down?

Be pregnant?

Failing that, ACT LIKE EVERYTHING IS FINE. Sure, he might just have destroyed the kitchen wall after throwing the stove at it, but he’s still your Stevie, right? He wants to be in a normal relationship, and the surest way to quell his anger is to act like that’s what you have. If he threatens your loved ones, answer as if he disagreed about what flavor of pizza to order; If he flips a table, act like he drummed his fingers against the top in mild frustation. If you can distract him from the real nature of your relationship you should be set.

🗡 Are they sadistic?

Not tipically, but he can be. Steve doesn’t want to cause pain for the sake of pain, but if he’s angry at something his SO has done (or not done) he will savor the suffering he causes them because “they deserve it”.

🔨 What is an instant turn on for them?

Needing help/protection: Listen. This man is the biggest giver. If you need some having he’ll be there to do the giving - whether you want him to or not. It’s not that he wants someone who needs to be protected at all times, but if he spots someone cute in a tough spot, his heart automatically goes doki doki. (That said, he might like some amount of helplessness, but he doesn’t like hopelesness. Try your best, he’ll do the rest)

Showing interest/concern for him: He might be the one who’s taking care of his SO, but it sure would be nice to know they care for him. Ask him about himself with no ulterior motives and he’ll be rubbing up against you in no time.

Hips/butt/the pelvis in general: There’s a definite way of letting Steve know it’s on (yes, even if you don’t mean to; no such thing as accidents, darling). If he his SO is moving in an enticing way he’ll take that as permission to get his hands on them. He’s so into it, surely they must be too!

[littlebitoffanfic]

Back On Track

Fandom: Captain Marvel Characters: Talos, Carol Relationship: Talos/reader Request: have you seen the new captain marvel movie? I really want to see what you would do with a Talos request. You sat at the console, watching Carol as she flew in front. She would be getting tired and would need to stop soon, but not quite yet. She could return to the ship and enter through a bay at the back which would close and inside door to open the outside one for her to come in. Once she was inside, it would swap and close the outside one then open the inside. this would allow her to enter the ship and leave when she desired. Most of the Skrull were fast asleep throughout the ship apart from one or two who were still a little on edge about everything. You had decided to help them find a home along with Carol. She was your sister, and the thought of losing her again made your stomach twist horribly in your stomach. After her disappearance, you rose through the ranks and ended up working with Fury. You had been there from the start, you had seen all this unfold and watched in disbelief as your sister not only rose from the grave but also in a ball of fire. You had been there when you all entered Lawsons ship and reunited Talos with his sister and niece. When the time had come for her to leave, she offered you to come with her. Fury had agreed, saying that there was going to be a shift in the whole galaxy, and he would need someone he could trust. And so, here you were. leaning back in the seat, your eyes skimmed the empty space around you, wondering where she was leading you all. You heard the door to the room open and looked over to see Talos enter. He smiled and nodded to greet you which you returned. “You should be asleep.” His voice was deep and a little gruff as he walked over and sat at the control panel next to you. “probably.” You agree with a chuckle. “but I cant.” you looked at the Skrull who sat next to you. The first time you had seen him, you had felt anger and hate for him and his kind. But you had been misinformed like some many others. When your alliances changed, you began to look at him more kindly and felt a great respect for him. He fought a losing battle in hopes of seeing his family again. He admitted he had done things he wasn’t proud of, but he did them for his people and so they could survive. You could relate to him in some ways. You had lost your sister and the grief had driven you near insanity. They never found a body, or anything else for that matter. The thought that she might still be out there, somewhere, haunted you. You couldn’t pinpoint the moment you realised you were attracted to him. Some small voice at the back of your head whispered it had been right from the start, and even though you shook it away, you had a suspicion it was right. His features and colour were so unique and otherworldly. You partly hated that you were so attracted to him because you spent a lot of time with him now. The two of you were very close, and he seemed genuinely happy when he found out you were accompanying them. “Cant?” Talos chuckled as he sat back in the chair comfortably. He was more relaxed around you than most other. Maybe because with you, he didn’t have to be a leader. He didn’t have to be the fearless general, the ruthless commander. No, he just had to be himself. “Im still getting use to the lack of sun.” You explain, looking out past Carol into the black void. “Ah.” Talos hums, seeming to understand immediately as he nods. “It does take some time.” “why are you still awake?” You ask, turning your chair to face him. You instantly saw a soft smile dawn his lips as he glanced at you. “I still have a journey ahead before I can rest easily again.” He tell you, making you offer him a soft smile. He was worried about his future, the future of his people. “you don’t have to carry that burden alone anymore.” You keep your voice soft, and quiet. you knew he wouldn’t want anyone to overhear such things. Talos frowns and tilts his head to the side. after a moment of watching you, he signs slightly and shakes his head, looking away from you. Talos suddenly stands, turning and walking towards the door. You dart up from your seat. You didn’t mean to offend him or upset him. Grabbing his hand, he stops when your skins touches his own. You were so much softer than his own kind. The palms of your hand, the pads of your fingers, so soft. unlike his own hands, which were rough but no less sensitive than your own. “Talos?” you call his name, drawing him back a little as he turned to face you but you didn’t drop his hand. In fact, you felt him clutch your hand. “You’re not alone anymore.” “you think im lonely?” Talos smirked, as if he found the idea amusing in some way. “A little. Yes. I think you’re so use to being on your own.” You confess to him, stroking the back of his hand with your palm in a soothing motion. “And?” Talos asked, his eyes falling to your hand as he marvelled at how small they were in comparison with his own. “And you have me.” You tell him, unsure if he could sense the true meaning of your words. “you?” He smiles, but not in a malicious way. “Im know im not much.” You giggle, looking down as you cheeks burned red. A soft chuckle echoed from his chest as he reached up his free hand. Gently, he took your chin between his forefinger and thumb and guided your attention back up to him. His eyes darted between your own eyes and your lips. “You are so much more.” He breaths, his voice filled with love and a hint of lust. “you are perfect.” All you could do was look at him with wide, owlish eyes as he smiled and leaned closer. He paused an inch or so away from your lips, his eyes darted up to meet yours. It dawned on you that he had paused to allow you time to reject him. You could lean away, turn your head to the side or tell him to stop. But you didn’t want that. Closing your eyes, you leaned forward and met his lips. He kissed you softly, sweetly. Your hand drop from his own so you could wrap your arms around his neck. His own hands found your hips, pulling you against his solid chest, not that you minded. You pressed yourself against him, feeling one of his hands slip around to rest on your lower back. Something in the kiss shifted. It was in a moment, barely a blink of an eye. It went from soft and sweet to desperate and needy. You didn’t know if you had changed the kiss, or he had. But you found yourself clinging to him, moaning against his lips. He pulled you to the side where there was a table. Pushing you up against it, you instantly knew what to do. You hopped you, spreading your legs and pulling him between them. One of his hands fell to your thigh then back to your hips as he held you tightly. His other hand left you hip, coming up to rest on the side of your neck. In a slow and sensual way, he brushed all your hair away from the right side of your neck. You broke the kiss, gasping for air. But Talos seemed to be unable to stop. He pressed kisses down your jaw to your neck, seeming to have planned it since he had moved the hair from that area. You couldn’t help but smirk as you let out a soft moan at the sensation. Turned your head, your eyes fell on his large ears. Pressing your lips to the tip of the pointed ear, you pressed soft, open mouth kisses and immediately got a response. His entire body trembled as he growled against his skin. But the moment was ruined when your eyes fell on the windows and you noticed there was no longer a flame in the distance. “Shit.” You gasped, jumping as Talos immediately stepped back, afraid he had went too far. His eyes filled with fear as you jumped off the table, but he was thankful to see you weren’t angry or upset at him. “Wheres Carol?” You nod to the window, still panting slightly. Talos looks out and realizes why you had jumped. “Im right here.” Carols voice made you jump again as you see her walk into the room. She smiles but, judging from her innocent dementor, she didn’t know what had just happened. “Everything okay?” “Yes, fine.” You nod, answering a little too quickly. But Talos was able to regain his composure a lot quicker than you were. “We were just going to get some thing to drink. Do you want anything?” He asked Carol, who thought for a moment before shaking her head. “No, im going to bed.” She tells you before leaving after bidding you a good night. Once the door was closed, you immediately relaxed with an audible sigh. Talos let out a small chuckle as you turned to him. You raise an eyebrow. “I didn’t know a humans neck was so… sensitive.” He smirks, his eyes darting down to the area he had been giving so much attention to before. “I didn’t realise a Skrulls ears were so sensitive.” You smirk right back at him. “Looks like we both have a lot to learn.” A soft chuckle left talos’ lips as he wraps an arm around your waist. To your surprise, he leans forward and presses his forehead to yours. It wasn’t a gesture you were use to, but something about it felt really intense and loving. A soft purr came from Talos as you looked up and saw he had his eyes closed. In that moment, you knew it was a sign of affection. Smiling, you place your hands on his shoulders, gently nuzzling your head against his own for a moment. “Now, about that drink?” You asked as he pulled away. “I have some supplies in my quarters.” Talos glances to the door, as if checking no one had snuck in during the intimate moment. “Perfect.” You giggle, pulling away so he could lead you to the door. Whatever Carol had ‘interrupted’, you were very keen to get it right back on track.

[captainpikeachu]

I don’t know if anyone watches The Originals, but the character of Kol on that show I find to be really similar to Deke in AOS

Kol was always the sibling who felt left out of this “always and forever” pact so he was angry over feeling like he wasn’t wanted or didn’t belong but yet at the same time he was also desperate for affection and approval from those siblings and often went the wrong way to get attention because he didn’t know any other way.

I feel like Deke has similar issues. We know from his talk with Daisy last season that Deke’s view of himself is that he’s a damaged man from a damaged world, he doesn’t feel a belonging, he feels and knows he’s this odd person out and he’s not the “nice” person that everyone else in SHIELD is, but also at the same time, Deke is also this lonely person who is desperate for family and affection, so when he finds out about Fitzsimmons, there is that part of him who wants to stay and wants feel like he belongs and wants have SHIELD team’s approval.

But therein lies the conflict with Deke, he’s on one hand “angry” that he doesn’t belong and feels left out and not respected, but on the other hand, he is trying very hard to do cool things in the hopes that he is respected through those cool things and that he’s not just Deke the weird guy who doesn’t belong.

But those attempts come with the problem that everything Deke knows about gaining respect are things that work in the future Lighthouse, the lying, cheating, stealing, that’s how you gain rank and respect in that world, but that doesn’t work to gain true respect in the real world. So the more Deke tries to gain respect in his way, the more it fails to impress people like Mack or May or other SHIELD people because that’s not how one gains respect in this current world.

Now I think it’s important to realize that Deke is doing it on his own, needless to say it’s not as if SHIELD was slowly assimilating him to modern society. No, he just went out there and figured it out on his own and they left him alone to do things his way, so it’s really hardly any shock that he falls on the only skills he knows, the same ones that works on the Lighthouse.

And to be fair, SHIELD silently judging him and side eyeing him doesn’t really help. I mean, you guys left him out there to run around without any guidance, what did you expect to happen? And if it was a problem, perhaps you should have put a stop to it and set him on the right track. And the whole calling it babysitting and general dismissiveness, it’s any wonder that Deke gets defensive, there’s a lot of condescending attitude directed at him. Yet these are the same people who still haven’t told him Coulson and Fitz are dead so he’s out there without any full information.

For all we know, if they had told Deke earlier, maybe he might have stayed and helped, maybe he would have gone to look for Fitz. The thing is they just didn’t tell him. So Deke, not knowing what’s going on, went to make a life for himself and now SHIELD comes in and it must look to Deke that once again nobody has any faith in him, that no matter what he does, he’s just gonna be judged. All of that defensiveness is also mixed up with the fact that Deke also wants SHIELD’s approval, he wants their respect. Yet the ways he goes about it never works out. His whole framework cool hero thing is literally him having his power fantasy of being hero and being important, but also him overcompensating for what he thinks he lacks.

I am hoping that Deke’s journey this season is to eventually find a balance for himself, because right now I think he’s at war with these two sides of being angry he’s the outsider and then wanting the affection and respect. At some point, he’s gotta make peace with himself on what he wants and who he wants to be. Because I think Deke’s journey, if they do it right, is the same journey that Daisy, Fitz, and Simmons all went through.

Back in season 1, the trio were the bus kids, and much of that conflict was them growing up and figuring out who they were and finding their strength in themselves and be confident in that strength. Deke, currently, is very much an almagation of all three of the bus kids if you really look at it - he’s got Daisy’s tragic backstory and loneliness mixed with Fitzsimmons’ social awkwardness, smarts, and stubbornness once they’re convinced of something - and through all the seasons we saw Daisy overcome her past and be her own hero, and we saw Fitzsimmons step out of the confines of their lab to be bold and strong, I’m hoping for that growth in Deke and I’m hoping he finds his own place among the team.

A lot of Deke is hidden behind that defensive bluster and happy go lucky exterior, and I think he’s so used to that because that’s how he survived, by closing out any vulnerable parts of himself. So when people look at him, they see this goofy person who doesn’t take things seriously and is a joke. I’m hoping that this season is perhaps Deke growing up and learning to open up himself to really accepting this family and letting people in, and learning that he doesn’t have to lie or cheat or steal to gain respect and approval, but that he can earn those things by just being himself, his true self.

Because really, the moments of the SHIELD team accepting him or respecting him all came from things that his TRUE self did - when he chose to stay behind and die to open up the portal, when he told Simmons about the stories of his grandparents his mother used to tell him, when he helped May destroy the Confederacy’s ship, when he opened up to Daisy about how he’s damaged and wants a chance to see the world - whenever Deke let his walls down and let others see him beyond just the facade he puts up, people accept and see that and respect him

So I’m really hoping this season is Deke’s journey to learn that he doesn’t have to hide behind a fake facade to get people’s respect, that he doesn’t have to be afraid to let people see his weakness and vulnerabilities, that he doesn’t have to overcompensate and lie or cheat or steal to be cool in order to gain attention, and that all he has to do is just be himself - gain respect by being true to himself instead of trying to be like someone else

And I also hope that others do accept him for that when he does finally learn and not cut him down or undermine him in snarky comments that they sometimes have a tendency to direct his way

To me, Deke is that kid who’s always overcompensating until they learn that they just have to be themselves and be confident in who they are instead of what they think others will find cool

[rainstormcolors]

Both Kaiba brothers are so achingly alone in the world when they walk into the manga. Seto is a tangled mess of obsession and rage, with maldeveloped empathy and unable to build connections with other people, as both a survival mechanism and as something he just honestly isn’t capable of understanding. It’s implied the final threads of his crumbling sanity snap after Atem inflicts his grotesque penalty game, a penalty game echoing the final lesson Gozaburo seared into Seto’s brain.

Mokuba’s loneliness is characterized differently, but is no less heavy. Something copiously implied is that he and his brother were isolated from each other once Gozaburo adopted them. Mokuba has a hyperfocus on his brother before the adoption and what things were like in that “before,” when Mokuba himself would only have been three-to-five years old and the depth of the situation they were in would’ve been completely outside of his understanding. The truth of the matter is Seto had no one at all who understood his profound misery nor anyone who was able to support him in the way he needed, and this is indicated later on at Alcatraz when Seto reveals he looks back on those orphanage days as “hell.” There was already a separation between the brothers even then that Mokuba was oblivious to, but those shining flecks of memory are all he has to hold onto at this point.

That this isolation continued on even after Gozaburo’s suicide is evident in just how affection starved Mokuba remains. He’s desperate to gain his brother’s attention and approval, and is willing to do awful things for it. It’s revealed Seto did not want Mokuba involved with Death-T but Mokuba pushed himself into it. Mokuba still ultimately ended up involved in Death-T, which requires Seto having conceded. Likewise, discouraging Mokuba from getting involved does not in any way at all excuse what happens to that child because of him. But I think even this implies things about their relationship. Seto making a tiny final effort to protect Mokuba from himself and Mokuba, deeply affection starved, still so desperate for the chance for them to just be brothers again and seeing this as the only way of their isolation from each other ending.

After Seto betrays Mokuba and Atem pulls him from the chamber, Mokuba immediately hyperfocuses on Seto before the adoption. The cognitive dissonance is thick enough to cut.

Which leads me to why Mokuba explains things in the way he does to Anzu and the others at the end of Death-T. At least my opinion of what’s going on.

When Mokuba steps out to the others at the end of Death-T, I always had an impression he was numb at this point. It’s not that he hadn’t noticed his brother slumped motionless in the chair; it’s that he was so close to falling apart he’d shut his brain off from it. And then Anzu asks her question.

Mokuba is done with antagonizing others. He doesn’t want to blame them at this point. What he wants, what he needs, is for someone to be in his corner with him. And he’s been so lonely and he’s bottled up these crushing thoughts and feelings for so long, and so I think it all spills out of him. He needs someone to hear him and he needs someone to care.

This is not me saying it’s wrong for fans to want Atem to take responsibility for his role; but I don’t think that’s what Mokuba wanted at that time.

And the story we get is of course Mokuba’s understanding of what happened. Again, it becomes clear later on in the narrative that Seto’s time at the orphanage was not nearly as happy as Mokuba believes it was. I think the focus on the chess game is a mark of Mokuba’s separation of the “before” and the “now,” as the precise time these things fractured from each other in his mind.

After spilling everything inside himself, Atem tells Mokuba his brother is searching for himself in the darkness, and this is when we finally see Mokuba reacting to his comatose brother. He can only look when the flicker of hope reveals itself to him.

It’s absolutely fair to critique the execution of Death-T, but on a character level, I think those are the nuances of these scenes.

That Mokuba would rather have people in his corner than blaming them comes up again at Duelist Kingdom. When Mokuba reemerges, he is angry with Atem for what’s happened to Seto. But the moment the group offers warm gestures to him, he drops it. He’s still so achingly alone and he just needs to feel like people care, and so the instant Atem offers these things to him, whether it be Atem pulling him from the chamber or Atem promising him Seto will return someday after solving his heart or Atem promising Mokuba he’ll protect Kaiba Corporation, Mokuba relents his rage.

I think all of this is in character.

This poor kid…