#i see him and like yes!! that's my florida man!! :D

[spell-of-the-rain]

TTPD track "Florida!!!" - that's just the logan sargeant effect

[fangirl-dot-com]

Chapter 17 - I Ain't Worried

The ending of this chapter was my absolute favorite to write! Me and my Americaness is shining bright in this chapter! I live in Florida for half the year for uni - so I love the state. Logan also needs lots of love and a forehead kiss :D

I'm so sorry for the last chapter, but wait to send me the therapy bills cause the next chapter is gonna be a doozy (I apologize in advance)

Like always comments, questions, concerns, reblogs, and comments are always welcome! Much love

GO AMERICA RAAAWWWWWWW

TAG LIST IS CLOSED

“MAAXXX!” 

Max jumped at the sheer volume of your voice. Last he knew, you were all the way at the Williams garage. It wouldn’t be possible for you to possibly be able to scream that far. Yet, you were known to surprise him. 

What he didn’t expect was for you to be dragging one Logan Sargeant by the hand. The latter looked almost…scared? The Dutchman quickly put his data pad down and turned to your direction. By now, you had dropped the American’s hand and was pushing him closer. 

“Just tell him,” you told the blond, who was currently digging his feet in the concrete. Logan only rolled his eyes as Max lifted an eyebrow. He looked between the younger two, waiting for someone to spill the beans. 

You huffed, since Logan was taking too long. 

“Logan here wanted to see if you’d want to join us at the beach after the race today to celebrate points last race. Since there’s really no good beaches in China. ”

A squawk came from the American. “I didn’t want to ask, you did.” 

Now, that could have hurt Max’s feelings, but he really didn’t know the American well enough to be offended. 

The senior Red Bull racer shifted his stance. “Sure. I mean, who’s coming?” 

Finally, Logan spoke up. “Well, right now it’s just us because someone,” he gave you a look, “jumped the gun on the invite. I was going to send a text out.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked down at the ground. 

Max thought for a moment. All you had to say about the American was nothing short than amazing. And for just a second, Max felt pretty bad as he looked at the two of you, who were waiting for an answer. 

He raised his eyebrows. “Sounds like fun!” 

With the way Logan’s head whipped up and the hope in your eyes, Max knew he made the right choice. 

“Perfect,” the William’s driver whispered, not in full belief that THEE Max Verstappen was going to go to the beach with them. 

You playfully punched his arm. “I told you!” you all but whispered as Logan smiled down at you. 

The three of you kind of stood in awkward silence, until you grabbed Logan’s hand once again. “Come on, we got to go find your other half!” 

Logan didn’t get a say in anything else as you dragged him in the other direction, back to the McLaren garage. 

A laugh from behind Max startled him a bit. He looked over his shoulder to find you manager looking fondly at your disappearing figure. Another eyebrow raise silently questioned the man. 

Vito caught his eye and gestured to you. “It’s great to see her making friends. Well, more than just Arthur and Ollie.” 

Max just hummed as he put a hand across his forehead to be able to see through the bright Miami sun. Yes, it was hot and the beach was the last place that he wanted to be after a sweaty race. But, you and Logan seemed so hopeful. He could see Kelly now approving of how he was letting loose a bit. It had been too long since he allowed himself to have fun. 

A ding of his phone had him looking for the rectangular device. He let out a dry laugh as he saw a text from Charles. 

Emotional Support Rival  

I hear the kids have roped you in as well to go to the beach after this? 

Mad Max 

Yep  Couldn’t say no to the puppy eyes  And it’ll be fun to let loose, ya know?  Also, who else is coming 

Emotional Support Rival 

Yeah  And the American kid too  He’s strangely growing on me  Uh, it’s Lando, Oscar, Alex, George, me, Logan, and then the kid 

Mad Max 

Ah, cool  And same  Well, good luck today 

Emotional Support Rival 

Yeah, yeah, yeah  I’ll try to stay out of the gravel  :D 

The emoji made Max shudder as he stared at the little smiley face that you had roped Charles into using more often. He could take it from you, but not from anyone else. 

You suddenly made your way back into the garage, a bit out a breath. 

“You done running everywhere?” Vito questioned, handing you a bottle of water. 

“Yep! Beach trip is a go!” You fist pumped. “I’m so glad I brought my swimsuit.” 

You started to ramble about everything you wanted to do at the beach. A few key words such as “recreation of the beach scene from Top Gun” and how “oddly strange it was that Logan reminded you of Ryan Gosling in the Barbie movie.” Everything just made Max chuckle to himself. 

He was a bit nervous that he wasn’t starting pole today. Charles had just nabbed it out of his grasp. You had surprisingly gotten back up the grid after what happened at Suzuka and then a placing of P7 at Shanghai, your lowest finish yet. 

Shanghai Results 

Max Verstappen – 25 points 

Charles Leclerc – 18 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 15 points 

George Russell – 12 points 

Lando Norris – 11 points 

Oscar Piastri – 8 points 

Y/n L/n – 6 points 

Alex Albon – 4 points 

Logan Sargeant – 2 points 

Carlos Sainz – 1 point 

Fernando Alonso – 0 points 

Daniel Ricciardo – 0 points

Lance Stroll – 0 points

Yuki Tsunoda – 0 points

Pierre Gasly – 0 points

Nico Hulkenberg – 0 points

Zhou Guanyu – 0 points

Esteban Ocon – 0 points

Valtteri Bottas – 0 points

Kevin Magnussen – 0 points

But now you were starting back at the top with him and Charles. 

Starting Grid 

Max Verstappen 

Charles Leclerc 

Y/n L/n 

Oscar Piastri 

Lando Norris 

Logan Sargeant 

Alex Albon 

George Russell 

Carlos Sainz 

Fernando Alonso 

Lewis Hamilton 

Lance Stroll 

Daniel Ricciardo 

Yuki Tsunoda 

Valtteri Bottas 

Pierre Gasly 

Esteban Ocon 

Zhou Guanyu 

Kevin Magnussen 

Nico Hulkenberg 

“Our starting grid looks promising today at the 2024 Miami Grand Prix. Now, the Williams seem strong today as Logan Sargeant qualified his highest position yet. He seems like a man on a mission for a podium. We’re glad to see that Y/n L/n is back up top following her crash back at Suzuka and then a low finish at Shanghai.” 

The camera focused on you in your car, waiting for everyone to flee the scene. You caught the lens and gave a small peace sign, before suddenly becoming embarrassed as you put your visor down. It was finally time for the race as everyone got off the starting line. 

Sure, you could have been even more nervous after your crash, but you had just shrugged everything off and got back to it. 

“We see the drivers in the formation lap now. There goes our race leader Max Verstappen followed by Charles Leclerc. Now the drivers we are going to be focused on today are the Williams drivers, Logan and Alex. We want to see if Sargeant can keep his cool in the hot seat, both figuratively and literally as the temperatures are high today.

“All the drivers are back in their spots and now they patiently wait for those five red lights…

And it’s lights out and away we go at the 2024 Miami Grand Prix. There goes Max Verstappen, already pulling away from the very beginning. Down they go toward the first corner and CHARLES LECERLC GOES OFF THE TRACK! But it seems like he is back on and I’m getting radio of no damage so he’s still in, but what a start. 

“Y/n L/n is up to second with Oscar Piastri now in third with Logan Sargeant who has gained a position. Lando Norris is behind him with the other Williams car making him a Williams sandwich.” 

“Alright Mitch. Can we try to convert this into a win maybe?” You pressed the radio on as you had been called into the pits right behind Max. 

“Ah, that’s a negative kid. Max has been given the priority for this race.” 

“Boooooo. Max is a certified rookie-hater.” 

“Seems like Y/n L/n is not happy with that team call.” David Croft chuckles after listening in on your radio. 

“Who is currently behind me?” You asked as the last lap was nearing. 

Mitch responded. “Piastri is behind, but Sargeant is in DRS to him.” 

When she said that, your heart did a little jump. Secretly, you were hoping that Logan would get the jump on Oscar. (But no one had to know that.) 

With two more laps left, you needed to check in one again as you could see a vehicle catching up. 

“Mitch, status for the car behind me please.” 

“It’s, uh…Is this correct?” You heard her whisper to someone else. 

“Uh Mitch? Priorities please!” Your car jerked around the corner that sent you into the last lap. 

“Sargeant is 2.385 seconds behind you and not gaining. So just get across the finish line.” 

“LOGAN?!” 

“Yes. Logan.” 

You didn’t even realize that you had crossed the finish line. 

“AND WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE? LOGAN SARGEANT CROSSES THE LINE IN A PERSONAL BEST OF A THIRD POSITION! A WILLIAMS IN ON THE PODIUM AND HIS TEAMMATE COMES AFTER HIM TO MAKE IS A 3-4 FOR THE WILLIAMS TEAM!” 

Max crawled out of his car and raised his hands once he was out on the concrete. He turned and expected you to immediately run toward him like the last 1-2, but you never showed up. All he could see was you hunched over…a Williams?

When did that get there? 

“LOGAANNNN!” you yelled down into the cockpit as you were practically in there with the American. 

He batted you away so that he could get out with you. And once he was out, he was glad that he was ready for you as you jumped into his arms. Your helmets clashed as the two of you came together, but you could deal with a concussion later. He gently placed you back on the ground, but was again bulldozed over by his teammate. 

It was at that moment you noticed a Dutch driver standing by himself, a bit dejected. You quickly jogged over and jumped on his back. 

“Maaaaxxxxx, another podium baby!” 

The Dutchman was glad that he had his hands on your legs as you leaned back and almost fell over. 

“Kid are you trying to kill me?” 

“Yes, you rookie-hater. Are you ever going to let me win?” you whined as he let you back down gently so that the two of you could get weighed. 

“There will come a time kid. You have to be patient.” 

Once your helmet was off, he could see your pouted lips. “I don’t want to be patient.” 

Sadly, Arthur was off getting trained for endurance racing and wouldn’t be back to a race until Monaco for Charles’s home race. So, your favorite interviewer was not there after the cooldown room. 

Yet, it was enjoyable due to the blond in the room. The three of you watched the TV and winced as you saw Charles go off the track. 

“Sheesh,” you grimaced. 

Max sighed, “And he said he’d try to stay out of the gravel.” He looked over at Logan. “Nice job on the overtake with Piastri.” 

Logan kind of just stared at him for a moment before coming back to reality. “Thank you. He went a bit wide, and I tried to keep my elbows out." 

You punched him in the side and he let out an oof. “Keep your elbows out my ass. You drove phenomenally.” 

The podium celebration was amazing, but you were looking forward to one thing and one thing only. 

“Alexa, play I Ain’t Worried by One Republic.” 

Sand kicked at your feet as you ran behind Logan as he threw the egg-shaped ball at Oscar. The Aussie may have fumbled a bit, but he was able to run down the long stretch toward the opposite’s goal. 

“Max!” he yelled and threw the ball to the unexpected Dutchman. The ball hit Max’s head and tumbled to the sand. You threw your hands up in frustration. 

“Max!” you groaned. The remaining boys of Lando, Alex, George, and Charles all laughed at your frustration.  

“What! This is not football!” He pointed to the American football in the sand. Charles leaned down to pick it up. Surprisingly, he twirled it well in the air. 

“Technically, it’s American football!” Logan yelled from the other side, where you were standing with your hands on your hips. 

George took the ball from Charles and chucked it to Lando. The Brit should have been looking the other direction, because to him you came out of nowhere and bulldozed him over. 

Logan put his arms up, pretending to be a field goal. “And tackle!” 

The curly-hair boy pretended to spit out sand as you stood, football in hand. 

He looked up at you in amazement. “Where did you learn to tackle like that?” 

You spiraled the ball perfectly back to Logan. “Live in Texas for 5 years. If there’s nothing bigger there than sweet tea and Bucees, it’s football.” 

This time, Oscar was able to get the ball and run all the way to your “end goal.” 

“Touchdown!”

“This was so not Top Gun,” George sighed as he kicked sand. “The shirtless ones always win.” 

“Uh George?” Logan asked, making the taller Brit look up at the other shirtless drivers. You were technically shirtless as you only had your bikini on. 

A bigger sigh left George’s lips. 

“So can we all agree that I’d be Maverik?” 

“Logan, if anyone was Maverik, it’d be me. Y’a know, main character vibes. You can be Rooster.”

“Doesn’t he die?” 

“No silly, that’s Goose in the first one.” 

“Who would I be?” 

“Bob. Oscar, you’d be Bob.” 

Race Results 

Max Verstappen – 25 points 

Y/n L/n – 18 points 

Logan Sargeant – 15 points 

Alex Albon – 12 points 

Charles Leclerc – 11 points 

Lando Norris – 8 points 

Oscar Piastri – 6 points 

Carlos Sainz – 4 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 2 points 

George Russell – 1 point 

Fernando Alonso 

Daniel Ricciardo 

Yuki Tsunoda 

Lance Stroll 

Pierre Gasly 

Zhou Guanyu 

Esteban Ocon 

Valtteri Bottas 

Kevin Magnussen 

Nico Hulkenberg 

Championship Standings 

Max Verstappen – 150 points 

Charles Leclerc – 95 points 

Y/n L/n – 65 points 

Lando Norris – 61 points 

Lewis Hamilton – 49 points 

Oscar Piastri – 45 points 

Carlos Sainz – 33 points 

George Russell – 31 points 

Fernando Alonso – 23 points 

Daniel Ricciardo – 21 points  

Alex Albon – 20 points 

Logan Sargeant – 17 points 

Lance Stroll 

Pierre Gasly 

Yuki Tsunoda 

Zhou Guanyu 

Kevin Magnussen 

Nico Hulkenberg 

Valtteri Bottas 

Esteban Ocon 

Constructors Standings 

Red Bull – 215 points 

Ferrari – 128 points 

McLaren – 106 points 

Mercedes – 80 points 

Williams – 37 points 

Aston Martin - 23 point

Racing Bulls – 21 points 

Alpha Romeo 

Haas

Alpine 

y/n.89 has posted

y/n.89 highway to the DANGA ZONE - podium (with my favorite American and teammate) and some well deserved beach time after

liked by logansargeant, arthur_leclerc, b0x_b0x_nightmare and 73,295 others

maxverstappen1 uh I was on the podium too??

y/n.89 we're all tired of you being on the top step charles_leclerc yes, let's have the poor people have a chance landonorris POOR PEOPLE?? YOU MAKE MORE THAN I DO oscarpiastri you're getting paid??

logan2sarg AMERICAN ON THE PODIUM - ONE STEP CLOSER TO FREEDOM RAAAWWRRRR

sargeant_log this post has signaled the Americans

arthurxy/n ARTHUR BACK IN THE LIKES

maxverstappen1 I'm your only teammate??

logansargeant and I'm the only American driver?? y/n.89 oh be quiet

emotional_support_rivals I was thankfully at the beach, and let me tell you - an exact replica of the top gun beach scene

lestappenlove lemme guess...Logan is Maverick? y/n.89 NO HE'S ROOSTER

y/n.nation our girl looking prettyyyy - mystery boy must be keeping her happy

maxverstappen1 has posted

maxverstappen1 the progression of the day : sun time, burnt time, shade time

liked by y/n.89, maxverstappencom, dutch_lion, max_max, and 2,948,923 others

max_fan lobster max is back

kellypiquet did you remember sunscreen?

maxverstappen1 yes y/n.89 no he didn't

lestappenlove max in a bucket hat is something I didn't know I needed

redbullracing should we add umbrellas to the car?

f1_group I wonder who won the football game

y/n.89 Logan, max, oscar, and I won - while Lando, Alex, George and Charles LOST alex_albon it's because somehow you are freakishly good at the sport, Logan grew up playing it, Oscar grew up with Logan and Max just wins everything charles_leclerc Max is a certified everyone-hater

formula1_power this beach trip is my Roman Empire

logansargeant has posted

logansargeant my job is beach

liked by williamsracing, oscarpiastri, freedom4logan, and 95,294 others

L_sarg YEAAAHHHHH PODIUM ON HOME SOIL

l2_fan WTF IS A KILOMETEERRRRRRRRR

y/n.89 your fans scare me just a bit

logansargeant they don't bite y/n.89 YES THEY DO

williamsracing FREEDOOOMMMMM (did we do that correctly?)

formula1_fan Logan on the podium has boosted my morale for living

cota_official can't wait to see you again in October! (maybe top step this time?)

author guuyyyyssssss cota_official sorry... usa4logan HELLO??

oscarpiastri happy for you mate

barbie and what a great job you do at beach Logan

charles_leclerc has posted

charles_leclerc beach, please

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, arthur_leclerc, carlossainz55, and 1,843,923 others

sharl16 its the return of the blue filter

cha_cha_red the caption is giving "72 best beach instagram captions to share your vacation fun"

y/n.89 do you have his search history or something? charles_leclerc quiet or I'd have to drop something ferrarifan what do you know

ferrari_failure glad he's having some fun

red_flag the groups' captions hit hard - I'm dying

maxverstappen1 why don't you just say the word??

landonorris cause he's under contract charles_leclerc legally I can't say can't say anything, read my lips y/n.89 why is he crying, and what does that have to do with "pitch perfect" ??

scuderiaferrari remember to use sunscreen!

alex_albon has posted

alex_albon freedom or whatever

liked by lilymhe, albon_pets, logansargeant, and 835,920 others

alobono love the matching Williams tank-tops with Logan

y/n.89 sun or whatever

logansargeant sand or whatever oscarpiastri beach or whatever landonorris the sea or whatever

aa_on_top why he walking like that?

y/n.89 chafing alex_albon SHUT UP georgerussell63 penguin

williamsracing you look great Alex

y/n.89 not williams flirty on the main @.lilymhe they're trying to take your boyfriend lilymhe they can have him :) alex_albon LILY??

fan_of_f1 probably the only one who doesn't need sunscreen

albon_alex23 not Alex getting bullied on HIS post

landonorris has posted

landonorris my toes got wet

liked by oscarpiastri, y/n.89, lnfour, maxfewtrell, and 839,183 others

lnfournation big stretch

la_la_lando is he napping??

y/n.89 it was all too much for little Lando Norris maxverstappen1 couldn't handle losing at football landonorris I was JUST resting my eyes charles_leclerc suurreeee

ln_4 suns out, tits out too I guess

last_lap_lando are those....weights??

y/n.89 he said it was for the "pump"? idk if he found it tho y/n_nation she is really coming for them all today

mclaren watch out for sharks!

lando_norizz oh to just lie down on the sand and play with my best buds

oscarpiastri has posted

oscarpiastri I'm bob

liked by mclaren, lilyzneimer, auzzieauzzieauzzie, and 834,294 others

top_gun_enthusiast f1 & top gun crossover when??

y/n.89 Logan would go nuts - he has a crush on tom cruise logansargeant Y/NNNNNNN oscarpiastri it's true

oscah81 an aussie in his natural habitat

osc_pastry florida?? oscah81 the water??

hoe4oscarpiastri bless George and his shirtless pictures influences

danielricciardo can't believe you didn't invite me????

y/n.89 there was only room for one aussie plus we've already been to the beach together?? carossainz55 it's ok, they forgot me too Daniel landonorris guys be quiet, you're making y/n cry cause now she feels bad charles_leclerc she already cried because she saw a lonely crab DO NOT make it worse

mclaren ice bath thirst traps coming next?

micLaren_bois ahhhh thank you y/n for this content

georgerussell63 has posted

georgerussell63 gave out a master class on shirtless posts today

liked by carmenmmundt, mercedesamgf1, russellgeorge, and 194,284 others

russellgeorge the king of shirtless pictures has arrived

king_george63 when did George get a jeep?

y/n.89 he didn't, he asked these random guys if he could take a quick picture and ended up breaking the wipers logansargeant it's true, I was there georgerussell62 y/n you do not need to tell all my secrets. do I need to call toto? y/n.89 you don't scare me cause he liked me more than you mercedesamgf1 play nice George - toto

he-just-tUrned-in0-me the second picture is everthing

y/n.89 he ate the sand right after georgerussell63 Y/N!!!! alex_albon you new here? just ignore it

george_at_merc this just ties all of their posts together

williamsracing has posted

williamsracing podium, points, and some all American football

liked by f1, y/n.89, logansargant, arthur_leclerc, and 803,195 others

logan4freedom GOD BLESS OUR TROOPS

williamspookies GOD BLESS AMERICA y/n.89 AND GENTLEMEN logansargeant START. YOUR. ENGIIINNNEESSSSS alex_albon I am only slightly concerned

f1mia glad to have you all here! until next year RAWWRRRR

charles_leclerc can you please take out the gravel pleaasseeee

b0x_b0x_nightmare this year's podium was so wholesome

best_rookie I knooowww, max with Logan and y/n was a trio I didn't know I needed

tomcruise great job @.logansargeant, glad I got to watch

logansargeant OH MY GOSHHHHHH y/n.89 he just died but can you give miles teller my number please? maxverstappen1 y/n no, you have a boyfriend???? y/n.89 he's the one who told me to ask??????????

box_box_official this weekend will always be on repeat

williams_fan this whole weekend was so wholesome, can't wait for more

author oh, uhhhhh readers what did you do? author get your therapy bills ready?

formula1_fanatic can't wait to see what the rest of the season holds :D

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @agent-curt-mega @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @cashtons-wife @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @cassie0sstuff @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19

[sleepdeprivedsimp234]

Do you perhaps have any headcanons about New Mexico? I don’t see that much about him and he’s my home state so I’m desperate for any content lol (also sorry if it’s late for you cause it’s currently late for me but I don’t have a sleep schedule so-) but if you don’t, anything about Loui or Cal would be also be cool :]

Sorry m8 I don’t really have anything for New Mexico :( I do have some stuff for Cali and Loui tho :D

California:

He either was or is an e-boy. He has the f*ckin’ e-boy haircut too. :3

He’s a nerd and he loves books. Bro probably has an entire stash of books under his bed.

Cali pretends to hate Florida and Loui (mostly Flo though), but if anything bad happened to them he would never forgive himself.

This man can’t cook for sh*t. He’s okay at those microwaveable ramen bowls, but otherwise, he can’t cook and should not be allowed within 15ft of the kitchen’s entrance.

He has an orange tabby named Cassy and she is a dumb spoiled little bitch. She’s cute tho <3

LOUIIIII-[gets gunned down by marine corps] Louisiana:

Literally everybody loves Loui and tries to protect him, and what makes it funnier and cuter is that he’s completely unaware of the fact that he has an entire Loui Protection Squad™️.

Clumsy silly lil guy that always has bandages on his knees, face, and/or arms.

Florida makes it a point to tell Loui if he’s going somewhere cuz he knows that if he doesn’t tell him, he’ll panic. But nobody’s gonna know that Loui is panicking unless they look and see how shaky and fidgety he’s being. And if they bring it up, Loui will 100% deny the fact that he’s panicking. Even with tears in his eyes.

Loui doesn’t ever wish to hurt anyone, but at the same time if you hurt his loved ones, he will murder you and laugh like a psycho as he does it.

^Executing someone that hurts his loved ones? Yes. 100%. Getting revenge on the people that hurt hi- NOPE. He will NOT.

He’s gets anxious really easily, but mainly if there’s loud noise. So sometimes during meetings, if he’s not joining Florida in terrorizing Gov, he’s trying not to have an anxiety attack. I hc that Texas sits next to Loui (I think this is actually canon-), and Georgia sits across, so often they’ll be the ones trying to calm him down (Georgia holding his hands under the table and Texas hugging him a bit with his hand on Loui’s knee 😭).

[w3ath3r-0f-sw34t3rz]

as many ttpd thoughts as i can coherently write down

first of all grateful for the folklore x midnights x 1989/rep sound we have going on here. i hate comparing artists but seriously the best way i can explain it is phoebe bridgers this album sounds like phoebe bridgers. not like it's a bad thing it's phoebe fucking bridgers!!!

i feel like it's so easy to call music "intimate," whether because of lyrics that feel personal or just a certain raw sound, or whatever else, but this album truly is the most intimate thing i think taylor's ever given us. i don't know what sets it apart, cuz at this point she's written plenty of deeply personal lyrics, but the way i best know how to describe it is that it truly feels like she trusts us.

anyway i'm willing to admit that this album isn't a spectacle or a revolution or game changer, and i know it won't satisfy everyone (ngl i'm scared to see what everyone else is saying bc they'll never understand Like I Do) but damn it sometimes that much is more than enough. without further adieu

fortnight a solid vibe. i'd literally love any song with the lyric "i love you it's ruining my life"

ttpd love that lucy and jack cameo that's about it. but really who else is gonna hold you

mbobhft AUGGGHHH THAT HOOK. you'd think you'd be able to tell which tracks are entirely self-written but you'd never guess some of the best tracks would you? jokes on me. love the metaphor (as i tend to do), big fan of infantilizing men (no like actually)

down bad this song was not clicking at first but it won me over with the alien abduction theme

so long london aw fuck yeah i knew i was right to claim this one. that hook is delectable. every verse is like a juicy kiss on the mouth i love this song yOU SWORE THAT YOU LOVED ME BUT WHERE WERE THE CLU

but daddy i love him this was the point where i thought to myself "wow this album is a lot more romantic than i would've thought" which, in hindsight, idk if that can be the consensus but still--this is such a feel good happy lovely time

fresh out the slammer evermore would love this one. yee haw

florida i mean there was really no way for this song to be bad and damn. twas not. this is a screamer fs. how on earth they managed to make a song about fucking florida feel like this mysterious shady world that we the people are not apart of is astounding to me

guilty as sin yas girl let your freak flag fly!!! successor to false god fr

who's afraid of little old me oh. o,h my god. taylor. taylor r u good honey. this song is fucking batshit wild oh my god YES GIRL TELL EM i will never be the same i could end the california drought with these tear ducks holy shit im gonna go set something on fire

i can fix him i love this bc this is literally my best friend and now they're gonna know how they look. that "woah maybe i can't" both absolutely slaps and is hilarious. also love how horny that bridge was yas girl let your freak flag fly!!

loml oh god. lmao my ass rlly thought this album wasn't gonna be too depressing. they had me in the first half ngl. i'm not crying you're crying nahhh we're both crying and you know it. the lyrics here really popped off, like more than the rest of the album and that's saying something. bonus i remember seeing someone theorize that it was actually gonna be "loss of my life" instead of love, and while i was listening i had that in the back of my mind, but then i was like "ok no it's actually love" but then THEY WERE RIGHT and i felt so accomplished for no good reason. so if ur that person who called it, good job brother

i can do it with a broken heart this one shocks me so good oml why is this making me wanna throw it back. with all do respect if you didn't want us to enjoy your suffering why did you make your suffering such a bop. /j that "i'm miserable and nobody knows!! :D" gives me chills but like in a good way. "try and come for my job" literally get it queen i love you

smallest man who ever lived it's quite funny to me that literally nobody was claiming this track and then it permanently altered my brain chemistry. back at it with the hooks damn. wow this one really. this one is really sticking with me guys

the alchemy yay the vibes are back!!!! sweet simple romance you gotta love it

clara bow you had me at that intro. shove that guitar down my throat if u will. this is the better version of the lucky one (im not sorry.) damn "you look like Taylor Swift in this light" gets me every time i'm sorry that will never not hit

the black dog OLD HABITS DIE SCREAAAAAMMMIIINNNNNGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG i did not expect to like this one as much as i do but i can't stop thinking about it

imgonnagetyouback i had really mixed feelings but i literally can't dislike this song it's straight up good (also this song is so gorgeous-coded its wild)

the albatross idk i just love this one it is so sweet to me. in the way molasses is sweet but still

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus this melody has wriggled its way into the few folds of my brain and i don't see it leaving soon. i love me some good whimsy. fr as i'm listening to it again rn i'm realizing how good this production is. anyways bi rights

how did it end? you know................... i was really trying to not tie her real life into any of these songs, since i really don't know that much lore + i'm not a big fan of obsessing over celebrities personal lives--relationships most of all (especially when it comes to taylor)--in general, but damn i immediately did just that with this song and.. wow. but aside from all of that oh my god welcome back to Songs On This Album That Absolutely Haunt Me

so high school this one's kinda crazy bc damn it's such a taylor swift song but the sound is so new to her and it kind of makes me cry. but anyhow "touch me while your bros play grand theft auto" is the funniest fucking line i have ever heard in my life

i hate it here oh wow hahhahahhahahahha taylor what the fuck :3 imagine relating to this song on an cosmic level lmfaooooo

thank you aimee removing from irl context, putting this song next to mean genuinely makes me want to cry. like the maturity and growth both happy and sad is so evident it's like watching my child graduate

i look in people's windows another stellar string hook thank you and goodbye. ok but fr the visual here is inherently funny

the prophecy claiming this one for the neurodivergents

cassandra yeah yeah drama i know but damnnnn greek mythology BANGER

peter *taking notes* never... trust.. a man.. named..... peter.........

the bolter she's a runner she's a track star (can you tell i've run out of things to say it's just a good fucking album)

robin ohohoho i am an absolute SLUT for a good ode to childhood

the manuscript now that's a story

and at last--my current rankings:

who's afraid of little old me?

so long, london

how did it end?

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

the smallest man who ever lived

florida!!!

clara bow

the alchemy

loml

i can do it with a broken heart

the albatross

my boy only breaks his favorite toys

i look in people's windows

cassandra

fortnight

i hate it here

the black dog

but daddy i love him

thanK you aIMee

the bolter

guilty as sin?

robin

i can fix him (no really i can)

the prophecy

peter

the manuscript

so high school

fresh out the slammer

the tortured poets department

imgonnagetyouback

down bad

now i know being critical is not one of my specialties but seriously it's a solid album ok. midnights is literally my baby and it has a skip for me so

now naturally my enthusiasm for each song will potentially decrease and most certainly increase over time cuz that's how i process albums buttttttt yuh 👍

almost any other artist building an entire persona about being an emo poet would make me roll my eyes but damn it she's so right

[breesays]

rest in peace, my bad muse

Sometimes, instead of starting a new chapter or working on a new blog, I'll go back into a draft to add details. Or edit. Last night, I opened up the section about PJ, which is the second-longest essay next to Tim's. Moreover, I don't think PJ ever lived in or even near California. We met in Florida, flirted in SoCal - but only when work (a tour) brought him to town - Yellowcard, Anti-Flag, The Get Up Kids. I was involved with PJ from 2003 to 2013, when I changed my phone number and severed a bunch of contacts. I say involved with but I really mean in contact with. The height of our situationship was from 2003-2005, and yes, I am loathe to list dates because lord only knows how many other girls he was "dating" at the exact same time. I know of three at least. He wasn't a stand-up guy. I've spent plenty of time cursing him.

Last night when I Googled his name, I found an obituary. PJ is dead. He passed away in January of 2021, at 36 years old. I watched a 23-minute memorial montage set to "Ocean Avenue." Then I cried. No, I wailed. Are we allowed to grieve for people who weren't awesome? What's the protocol?

I didn't want him dead, I just wanted him to be a better person.

When the band fired him, I was told to cut off contact. I did, for awhile. I liked how reactive he made feel - like a live wire - a bad muse, maybe - is there a word for that? ("Is there a word for 'bad miracle'" -Fall Out Boy)

I was with PJ when I found out about Asexuality, about AVEN. I was 24 years old and for the first time I wanted to want to have sex. Read that again. I (cerebrally) wanted to experience want (physically). Instead, I had a panic attack in the bathroom of a Motel 6 in Ventura. He was very kind about it, which was weird, because he was, in general, unkind about plenty of other things.

The first time I wanted to want to is actually significantly more crucial to my personal timeline than the time I actually DID IT.

Since he was a compulsive liar (the only personality disorder I can confirm by my own account), I'm sure he rewrote that story in his head. Now we'll never know.

Did he become a better person? I know he got married, and divorced. The obit didn't mention a bio kid, even though I know he has one out there.

How do we grieve for the unsavory sort?

One time he told me he had abdominal cancer. He did not.

He is the first person I exchanged "I love you"s with, even if I was super skeptical about it. We actually had a few fights about how he believed I loved him, but did not believe I was IN LOVE with him. I think I said something to the effect of, "This is as good as it gets with me, man." That tracks, right?

Also, is it worth mentioning that he was 19? I mean, I know guys who've just NOT been shitty their whole lives, sure. He had time to grow out of it.

Did he?

Would it be less sad if we knew he was still lying for sport?

In 2004, I flew him out to OC for a few days to hang out. It was a total disaster, of course and after I got home from dropping him off at LAX, I burst into tears. My mom said, "Oh, do you love him?" I said No, I was sad because I didn't have my computer to write about it, about him. Which was the truth.

My bad muse.

One time I told him I was writing and book and he was in it. "You can't do that" he texted. "It's illegal." I laughed.

There has never been much info about him online. Our fling was pre-social media, thus his thriving un-network of girlfriends all over the US of A.

So, is the pain less permanent for the undeserving?

Listen, no one liked him. He was a liar, a cheater, and just really bad with people. All of his girlfriends in the aughts were of the secret variety, including me. I didn't, at any point, try to defend his character. Of the few people I texted to see if they'd heard (it happened nearly 3 years ago, after all) I half expected an "I know, because I murdered him" reply.

How do we mourn the bad guy?

Rest in peace, PJ Oxenfeldt.

You were my first love, even if you didn't deserve it.

[andreusdwm]

Donald Trump has been indicted for allegedly paying hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels just before the 2016 presidential election. To test your knowledge of the case, see if you can guess which sordid details are true and which ones are made up.

1. What happened in 2006? A. Donald Trump met porn actress Stormy Daniels at a charity golf tournament.

B. Stormy and Trump allegedly had sex in his Lake Tahoe hotel room.

C. Melania Trump gave birth to Barron.

D. During an appearance on the Howard Stern Show, Stern joked that Donald Trump was a sexual predator, and Trump replied, “That’s true.”

E. Trump told the co-hosts of The View, “I’ve said that if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

F. All of the above, although I wish I were making even one of them up.

2. What did Stormy Daniels say about their sexual encounter? A. They had generic sex and Trump did not wear a condom.

B. He compared Stormy to his daughter Ivanka.

C. He asked Stormy to spank him with a Forbes magazine.

D. He appeared on the cover of that same spanking Forbes magazine with two of his children, Ivanka and Don Jr.

E. Once again, and sadly, all of the above.

3. After the Lake Tahoe affair, what did Trump do? A. He stayed in touch with Stormy for about a year.

B. He said that he would get Stormy on The Apprentice and rig the show for her to win.

C. He said that he would get Stormy a condo in Florida.

D. You guessed it: all of the above.

4. Wait, this is the same guy beloved by American Christian Evangelists, right? A. Yes, they call him a “miracle.”

B. Yes, they worship him more than Jesus.

C. Yes, but no surprises there as this movement has a history of aligning with racism.

D. It’s one of the saddest aspects of this whole era, but all of the above.

5. Okay, what happened in 2011? A. Stormy Daniels tried to sell the Trump affair story to celeb magazine Life & Style for $15K.

B. The tabloid In Touch magazine got ready to publish a 5,000-word interview with Stormy Daniels about her affair with Trump.

C. Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen threatened to sue Life & Style.

D. Donald Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen threatened to sue In Touch magazine.

E. Life & Style and In Touch killed their Stormy stories.

F. A man approached Stormy Daniels and her infant daughter in a Las Vegas car park and told her to, “Leave Trump alone… That’s a beautiful little girl. It’d be a shame if something happened to her mom.”

G. All. Of. The. Above.

6. In Touch magazine? I thought it was the National Enquirer. A. No, you’re thinking of how the National Enquirer conspired with Donald Trump’s 2016 Presidential campaign to buy the story about Trump’s affair with Karen McDougal and then kill the story so that the affair wouldn’t hurt his campaign. I bet you forgot about Karen McDougal, didn’t you?

B. No, the National Enquirer publisher offered to buy the rights to the McDougal story and also to other stories that might hurt Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign and then not publish them—a practice known as “catch and kill.”

C. The National Enquirer’s publisher was named David Pecker.

D. Seriously, his name was David Pecker. Also: all of the above.

7. The National Enquirer? I thought it was Access Hollywood? A. No, you’re thinking of the Access Hollywood tape in which Donald Trump said, “I moved on her like a bitch. But I couldn’t get there. And she was married. Then all of a sudden, I see her, she’s now got the big phony tits and everything.”

B. No, you’re thinking of the Access Hollywood tape in which Donald Trump said, “I better use some Tic Tacs just in case I start kissing her. You know, I’m automatically attracted to beautiful—I just start kissing them. It’s like a magnet. Just kiss. I don’t even wait. And when you’re a star, they let you do it.”

C. No, you’re thinking of the Access Hollywood tape in which Donald Trump said, “Grab ’em by the pussy. You can do anything.”

D. I remind you that this is still the same guy beloved by American Christian Evangelists, who make up the base of his supporters. And, obviously, all of the above.

8. Why is Trump being indicted again? A. Trump’s lawyer Michael Cohen set up an LLC shell company to secretly pay people off on behalf of Trump, and used this account to pay Stormy Daniels $130K, once again to keep the story about the affair quiet.

B. Michael Cohen said that Trump didn’t know about the payment.

C. In May 2018, Donald Trump’s other lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, appeared on Sean Hannity’s Fox News show and said that his client, the President of the United States, did, in fact, know about the payment.

D. In December 2018, American President Donald Trump also admitted to knowing about the payment to Stormy Daniels.

E. It’s anyone’s guess. Was the reimbursement to Michael Cohen made from campaign funds? Did Trump falsify business records when he reimbursed Cohen? Was there money laundering involved? The indictment is sealed, so we won’t know the exact charge until next week.

F. Whatever happens, we’ll always have Rudy’s astonishing incompetence on that Hannity interview, not to mention the Four Seasons Total Landscaping press conference. Oh, right, we’re still doing this part: all of the above.

9. How will all this affect the 2024 election? A. Trump is already fundraising off the right-wing outrage over this indictment.

B. Trump is claiming victimhood, his favorite role, to drum up support from his grievance-addicted-white-people-are-the-real-victims supporters.

C. All the Republicans are rallying around Trump, and not one of them cares that he broke the law.

D. They also don’t seem to care that Trump is going on trial for allegedly raping E. Jean Carroll.

E. This is the same man that took away women’s reproductive rights in the United States.

F. The January 6th crowd is preparing for a civil war because Donald Trump cheated on Melania and paid a porn star hush money?

G. I hate it here. I genuinely wish I had made any of these up. Anyway, yep, of course, all of the above.

[greenorangevioletgrass]

thots as i listen (perfectly timed as my bf left for a family thing this weekend and i can freely relive my past doomed relationship hahah):

fortnight: ahhh yes. the span of my 5-year relationship fizzling out on two different islands. bliss. what about your quiet treason??? sdkjfhksjdhf

ttpd: "you're not dylan thomas, im not patti smith / this ain't the chelsea hotel, we're modern idiots" is so real bc i WAS obsessed with patti smith and we did take ourselves (and our art, bleargh) too seriously)

my boy only breaks his favorite toys: ehehehe the "long story short" melodic parallel in the chorus. the way she plays it off like he's a fucking child, but "once i fix me, he's gonna miss me"??? FUCK OFF STOP READING MY LIFE STORY TAYLOR?? i started crying here bye

down bad: no bc the matty parralel with Z is INSANE. like how did i feel emptier than i thought i did? HOW DARE YOU THINK IT'S ROMANTIC LEAVING ME SAFE AND STRANDED? is a mood and a half.

so long london: THAT INTRO! AAAAHHH! can't say no to some good vocal layers. this is giving very early days lana del rey? trust in aaron dessner for tracks like these. and that bridge?? fuck me.

but daddy i love him: country vibes! the chorus feels like a mouthful, though? bahahahahah "i'm having his baby / no i'm not but you should've seen your faces" again, the bridge is bridging!

fresh out the slammer: oop i hear a hint of "long live"? the friends seeing the red flags way before she did 🤡 whoa, the OUTRO??? we're winding down! BUT ITS GONNA BE ALRIGHT, I DID MY TIME 🥺

florida!!!: the three exclamation marks is called for, that's for sure!!! oh my god, this is probably my favorite track so far.

guilty as sin?: im loving the use of intros and outros here in this album. this is beautiful, but i also feel like throwing up thinking the long, stretched-out tension z and i had before we finally hooked up? "am i allowed to cry" for this song is sooo perfect.

who's afraid of little old me: this is very much giving lana del rey's early stuff?? i love this. i was a MESS here considering all the shitstorm i went through in that island and coming back from it. "you caged me and then you called me crazy" ha!

i can fix him: pls more bluegrassy, americana shit like this 🙏🙏 also stopppp bc this is exactly the kind of music D plays and i was convinced i can fix him lmaoooo

loml: "still alive, killing time at the cemetery / never quite buried" AND THE REAL KICKER IS I SPENT THAT WHOLE FIRST WEEK IN A BURIAL GROUND AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH 😭😭

i can do it with a broken heart: THE MASTERMIND LOOP PARALLEL!!!!! what in the jack antonoff??? deffo an addition to the tour setlist im willing to bet my left NUT

the smallest man who ever lived: i just know it's aaron dessner producing right away lol. bruh she went for the THROAT here. (also it's a running joke now that D is short af lmao) THE THIRD VERSE??? it feels like going off on a tangent, but maybe that's the point?

the alchemy: fuck yeaaah! it's giving slow-motion, big moment ending of a movie scene. maybe a hint of "suburban legends"? god i can't wait to see this song performed live!

clara bow: the childlike optimism here... i'm bawling my eyes out.

the black dog: ...no words. im just crying. i remember this all to well hah.

imgonnagetyouback: heh "gold rush" parallel. this one makes me smile. reminds me of long aimless drives and tumbling into our hotel bed, not knowing what we are.

the albatross: im humming "ivy" as i listen lol. holy fuck dude, side B is slowly segueing into my current relationship--or the start of it 😬 mom pick me up im scared

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus: nope we're back to D hahahah. MAROON REFERENCE!!

how did it end: this is the face i made throughout this song 🙂🙂🙂 this is fine i'm fine

so high school: i'm surprised aaron took this on, but then again i shouldn't presume? OH WAIT yeah i get it. another happy song! ahhh! GET MY CAR DOOR SDKJFHSKDJHF i never touched a single car door when im with my bf this past year and a half lmao. it's giving "long live" and im mad cheesin!

i hate it here: ohhh it's giving laura marling! I CAN RELATE!!!

thanK you aIMee: holy shit, it just dawned on me... did i have a reputation era late 2022?? but anyway. i like this! this one is for the girlies healing ✌

i look in people's windows: guys im so INSPIRED right now i need to pick up my pen and paper after this. it's giving "death by a thousand cuts" ish??

the prophecy: toit chorus??? love. im generally loving the B-side tracks more now that i think about it...

cassandra: this is too fucking close imma throw up bye

peter: 3/4 time is always soooo dreamy ✨ and so heartbreaking! it's giving a mellowed out, more contemplative "i bet you think about me".

the bolter: again, very lana!! off to the races! good vibes.

robin: this felt like a hug 🥺🥺 im crying but what's new.

the manuscript: i am sobbing. this is the perfect closing track. "now and then i reread the manuscript / but the story isn't mine anymore" taylor you genius and i thank you for this.

regardless of who ttpd is about, im gonna listen to it for the first time as a girl who was in a delulu-ridden relationship for nearly 5 years and then had an epic breakup at a big step of my career, then fucked around with a questionable rebound guy, before finally finding myself a kind and beautiful man who i love and loves me and treats me the way i deserve to be treated 🫶

[voidmadisonrecs]

chris evans recs

these are more for me then anyone else but here are my fav chris evans (and co.) fics, blurbs, headcanons, etc.

feel free to message or comment with suggestions that i should read and make sure to check out these writers other works because they are all amazing <3

Chris Evans

butterflies - @chanelfaerie

chris has got butterflies for you—do you feel the same?

pop the questions - @angelkurenai

you are costars and in a relationship with Chris and while on the set of ‘Gifted’, you are very clingy. when Chris sees you interact with your youngest costar, he realizes you would make a great mother

white - @agentofbarnes

chris can’t seem to function while seeing you in a white dress

ask me properly - @twittytelly

while spending time with his family, chris realizes that it's the perfect time to put his 'plan' into action

red carpet w/ chris - @avenging-fandoms

your chris’s costar with Chris and you’re both tipsy in a red carpet interview and giggling together, making no sense but just being all happy and sparking dating rumours

happy goddamn new year - @fluffymisha97

the morning after your new year with the evans’ which doesn’t go all that smooth

sweet creature - @buckyhoney

domestic shit

ass man headcanon - @agentofbarnes

chris evans sure does love ass

and then he came along - @teebarnes

you haven't had the best record when it comes to relationships, you thought you couldn't be loved. until one day as you sat on the beach shivering, everything changed when chris came along

granola bar and lots of love - @planetofawe

with the kids away, you and chris have more than enough time to practice some aftercare (smut)

claim - @cloudystevie

your husband puts a baby in you (smut)

beer gut - @violetlilysunshine

chris gets self conscious after gaining a little bit of weight and not working out as hard as he used to during his Marvel days (smut)

dumb - @agentofbarnes

chris evans makes you dumb and you are a little touchstarved (smut)

red, white, blue’s in the sky, summer’s in the air, baby heaven’s in your eyes - @cloudystevie

sunday’s are for football games and attention (smut)

the big 4-0 - @rocketrhap3000

chris being insecure for his 40th bday but reader makes sure he knows just how much she loves him (smut)

my girl - @punani

chris loves calling you his girl (smut)

the fluffer (masterlist) - @punani

it’s the 70′s and the erotic videos industry is experiencing another boom after the risen popularity in the previous decade. the studio’s are hot, gemini flanagan is a brand, and you’re a newly hired assistant at shaggin’ studios. chris takes a liking to you, altering your job description so that you get to work more closely with him. is this all just physical, or is there something more? (smut)

wedding shenanigans - @flowerbouquet

in which you and chris have a sneaky fuck in the bathroom during your best friends wedding (smut)

grocery run - @bucksfucks

innocently wearing chris’ shirt leads to you finding out just how much he can’t resist you (smut)

chain - @bucksfucks

chris tells you to bite down on his chain (smut)

home late (part 2) - @violetlilysunshine

smuttttttt

severance - @punani

the divorce process with chris is messy, seemingly never ending, and ultimately: heartbreaking. you had to be strong for your son, yourself, and eventually you wanted someone else to be strong for you, so, it seemed only natural that you would venture into the arms of another. however, sometimes the line between something officially ending or simply taking a break blurs when you’ve known someone for longer than you can remember (smut/baby fever/ex!reader)

so beautiful to me - @uprootbasic

despite being broken up and coparenting, chris still want to show you how much he loves you (smut/baby fever)

sundress season - @jurassicbarnes

in which all it takes is a pretty little dress to break his resolve (ex!reader/smut/baby fever)

mwah - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

ur little bubba is obsessed with kissys and keeps leaning in to kiss you (baby fever)

long hair lover - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho

chris comes back from filming red sea diving resort and his baby daughter is crazy in love with his long hair (baby fever)

slobbery kisses - @iguessweallcrazyithinktho 

chris wakes up to sloppy kisses by his baby (baby fever)

baby rose - @fluffymisha97

reader and chris had a little baby girl. but not everything is going that well, you're both trying to navigate life as new parents (baby fever)

eve - @kiwisomething

you drop your son off with his father and he invites you in (baby fever/ex!chris)

parenting is hard blurb - @lokiscu

chris and the reader have just had a baby and the lack of sleep mixed with lack of physical affection and time they have with one another gets to both of them and they end up fighting because of the stress (baby fever)

isla - @uprootbasic

the reader is a famous singer and always sings to her little girl. one night, chris and the reader decides to have this little jamming session with their baby. chris plays the piano while the reader sings I wanna hold your hand by the Beatles (baby fever)

the neighbours lights - @lokiscu

it’s your first Christmas with a baby (baby fever)

paparazzi - @ozarkthedog

chris evans and reader are both famous and one day they are out with their daughter when paparazzi start to follow them (baby fever)

thunder - @worksby-d

your daughter is scared of the thunder (baby fever)

she’s the one - @worksby-d

chris x singlemom!reader masterlist (baby fever)

protective stepdad chris x single!reader - @worksby-d

masterlist (baby fever)

truth be told - @kthynes

chris finds out he has a 6 month old baby because his partner didn’t have the chance to tell him that she is pregnant because they broke up (angsty??/baby fever)

not her - @agentofbarnes

chris wants a family and you just aren’t ready yet, but that doesn’t mean he wants you any less (angsty?)

the love we have - @kthynes

the reader is chris's ex wife and she's about to be married again to a guy she doesn't really love. so in the night of her bachelorette party she's really drunk and she ended up going to his apartment and tell him that she still loves him and that she wants to hate him because he was the one who file for divorce but she can't, then she leaves. on the day of the ceremony their 10 year old kid tells Chris that he should go after her before is too late (angsty??)

Frank Adler

i ruined our sweet tune - @rodrikstark

the last person you’d expect to see in florida is the hot professor from your undergrad philosophy class 

buttons - @rodrikstark

buttoning franks shirt headcanon 

waffles - @amylillian22

the morning after their usual saturday date night, y/n runs into mary unexpectedly. frank wakes up to find them making waffles

remember - @sweater-daddiesdumbdork

frank wakes you up at the ungodly hour of 3:30 am and will not even tell you why

breeding kink - @stargazingfangirl18

as the hot single dad everyone wants to get with, frank turns a few heads at back to school night, and well, you may get a little possessive (smut) 

magic demeanor - @bloodiedskirtts

after moving back to Florida in the middle of a heat wave, things seem to be getting worse and worse. the only thing to make her days any better is her neighbour, Frank. with neither of them willing to admit that they can’t get enough of each other, a pesky shower malfunction may be the only way for them to tell each other how they feel (smut)  

Ransom Drysdale

2:27 am - @cloudystevie

it’s 2:27 in the morning when ransom shows up at your doorstep, and he wishes he could tell you why 

cold (third part of his return) - @kiwisomething

hugh is cold sleeping on the couch by himself 

new man - @worksby-d

ransom loves to pretend he’s not whipped for you, but here he is letting you do your skin care routine on him

morning dew - @agentofbarnes

it was only supposed to be one night, but ransom can’t seem to get you out of his head (smut) 

Andy Barber

the proposal - @fairyevans

andy takes the reader on a gorgeous vacation but everything goes wrong except the proposal 

consequences - @stargazingfangirl18

life after your breakup with ransom (smut)

yes, mrs barber - @jurassicbarnes

in which you’re down on your knees, about to suck his dick within an inch of his life because it was the only way to shut him up (smut) 

[thesolferino]

Hell On Earth

⤷ dream x f!reader.

⤷ genre: fluff

⤷ word count: 3.2k

⤷ requested: yes, by this lovely anon!

— summary: you barge into clay’s office to complain about his broken air conditioner, unaware that he’s streaming.

Florida was hell.

You liked to say it as a joke, during October when the rest of the world was freezing, during December when the insane temperatures finally went back under control, and the sun granted you its blessing of a refreshing gust of wind every now and then. You liked to say it as a joke, mostly, but God, did you mean it whenever summer would creep around the corner and you’d get reminded of why you told your boyfriend so often that the devil must’ve left hell, came down to America, and bought himself a nice penthouse in Florida.

It lived up to its title of the hottest state in the US, by far, considering the hellish temperatures that constantly made you dizzy whenever June rolled around. You had great air conditioning in your apartment, though, and as soon as the sun started burning skin, plants, water, and everything in its way, you and your college roommate would lounge at your place as the air conditioner blew cold wind and thank the lord (and the person who invented AC, bless his heart) for providing you with at least one blessing during these trying times.

So, of course that as soon as summer came about, your air conditioning conveniently broke.

Your roommate was out of the apartment within two days, flying to her family in Wisconsin, bidding you farewell as she left you to cook like a raw chicken in your shared apartment. Thankfully, you had a boyfriend - and what a boyfriend he was.

You don’t like to brag, but at these moments, you feel grateful to the universe and whoever else is looking over you for providing you with a rich boyfriend, with quite a big, echo-y house, and air conditioning made of pure heaven. As soon as your roommate packed your bags, you packed yours too, - if one backpack filled with makeup, your laptop, meds, underwear and hopes that he’d let you steal all of his clothes could count as “bags” - locked the apartment and left, ready to leave the AC on snowman temperature for two days minimum and ignore all his complaints.

Bad luck seemed to follow you everywhere, though, because you were there for merely three days when the air conditioning started stuttering.

You were sprawled on the cold sheets of his bed, listening to the low hum of the AC as you scrolled through your phone, his white T-shirt sticking to your back, the cold air cooling the sheen of sweat that covered your body, leaving goosebumps all over. One of your fingers started lazily petting Patches’ stomach, and you could faintly hear Clay talking in the background, the sounds coming from his office.

“Thank you for the gifted subs! Um, yeah, it’s really hot here, I can barely, like, breathe in here. I have the AC on at highest, but all it’s doing is giving me a headache. Even-even my water bottle is completely hot.” You heard him rant and chuckled, turning on your side and continuing to scroll through random videos.

You sort of tuned out his talking, knowing he’d most likely be cooped up in that office for hours before your shared dinner, and started watching random YouTube videos, ignoring your surroundings as you shoved your earbuds in your ears. 

The longer the videos lasted, the more you felt like you were suffocating. The heat crawled up on you slowly, sneakily, almost unnoticeable yet undeniably there, hand made up of pure fire gripping at your throat tighter and tighter. It started off seamlessly, with you rolling around, trying to find a new cold spot on the sheets, to pulling at the shirt, trying to create cold air to soothe you, to wiping the sweat that basically covered your entire forehead, when your eyes finally peeled away from your phone and you realised you were basically choking in the heat, feeling like you’re breathing fire. 

You lift your head off the bed way too quickly, head pounding, and look at the one thing meant to save you from this madness - just to see it leaking water down the wall, barely coughing out any air. Your head miserably falls back down on the bed, hands rubbing at your face, dangerously close to both crying and screaming in distress. After a few moments of self-wallowing, you get up and make your way over to your boyfriend’s office, being met with nothing but silence as you walked to it, happy he ended the stream so you could complain and wail to him, possibly cool down using the AC in his office. 

You slam the door open, seeing him hunched over in his gaming chair, Minecraft open as usual, and as soon as he takes one headphone off, turns around and sends a surprised but oddly panicked gaze your way, you start ranting.

“Babe, you won’t believe what just happened.” you said, rubbing a hand over your face again, eyes closing as you feel the coldness - in comparison to the living hell that was his bedroom right now - of the room wash over you. You don’t even let him speak before you continue.

“The fucking AC in your bedroom just broke. It’s leaking right now.”

Clay looks like he wants to say fifteen words at once, and the first one that comes out is: “What?”

“I swear. I was watching something on my phone, and I realised it’s crazy hot, so I looked up and realised it’s broken. Why does this happen to me!” you complained, and he tried pulling his headphones off for a second but instead pulled the cord out of the computer entirely, letting you hear everything that goes on in his headphones.

It’s silent for a second or two, before you hear a familiar voice.

“Dream.” you hear a British man with an awfully posh accent speak, and your eyes meet Clay’s in pure horror and realisation, when you slap a hand over your mouth. He looks as equally terrified as you, but also disappointed, because oh, that’s why he looked so panicked when you stormed in.

Then you hear another voice, equally British, but higher pitched. They laugh. “Is that Drista?”

Clay seems to snap back into reality, turning around towards the computer and adjusting his mic before speaking. “No- it’s- Tommy she said babe, why would Drista call me babe?”

“You’re so stupid, he was trying to help you.” You hear his long-time friend, Sapnap, deadpan, and you can practically feel all of them freaking out, while you stand in the doorway in horror, cheeks heating up despite the fully working AC.

Another laugh. “No, I wasn’t, I was genuinely asking. Why- Sapnap, why would I be helping Dream?” 

“Dream, you are so stupid.” you hear George laugh into his mic and your boyfriend immediately starts stuttering, trying to defend himself.

“How-how am I stupid?! She’s the one who walked in, what was I supposed to do?” you lean against the doorway as he defends himself, head buried in one of your hands.

“Mute!” you hear Sapnap borderline yell, almost mad. 

“Wait- I don’t get what’s going on- Does Big D have a girlfriend?” you hear the British boy, Tommy, ask, and all of them go silent for a few seconds before a loud, screeching laugh breaks out through the speakers, and when Clay turns around to look at you, all you can do is mouth an apology as you almost break out into laughter at how ridiculous the whole thing is.

“Oh my God, chat is going crazy right now.” George says while Tommy is laughing his lungs out in the background, still.

“Did you actually- did she actually- oh my GOD, Dream has a girlfriend! I can’t believe this!” Tommy keeps on laughing, coughing between sentences. “Dream stans, I am so sorry, this must be just a terrible, terrible day for you all.” 

“You’re probably already trending on Twitter, dude.” Sapnap adds, sounding more worried than your own boyfriend did at the moment.

“It was bound to happen at some point, I guess.” he huffs out, turning around to look at you every so often, gesturing for you to close the door and come in, which you did, guilt weighing you down as you moved.

“Are you serious? Can I- Can I speak to your girlfriend, Dream?” you can practically hear the grin in the boy’s voice and Clay doesn’t even turn to you before replying.

“No, you can’t.” 

“Oh, come on! You let me speak to your mum but not your girlfriend? Just for a little bit, please? I just- I just wanna see which lucky woman managed to get the attention of the Minecraft God, Dream himself. That’s it.” Tommy asks and you don’t even have it in you to laugh because of the anxiety that eats away at you, but then Clay sighs. 

“...Fine, I guess.” he looks up at you. “D’you wanna speak to Tommy?” 

You’re not quite sure what the expected answer is, but you shrug, gaze darting from his eyes to the computer, and then back to him. “Um… I don’t mind, I guess.” 

You hear him sigh and plug the headphones back into the computer, handing them to you. “Alright, she said yes. Here you go.” he stands up out of the chair and lets you sit, placing the way too big headphones on your head as your heart races, standing closely by your side as you roll the chair further towards the desk and microphone.

“Um… hello?” you shyly speak, and you hear something like groans of mixed annoyance, confusion and nervousness coming from George and Sapnap as Tommy starts laughing immediately, greeting you loudly. 

“HELLO, DREAM’S GIRLFRIEND!” you hear him yell in response as your shaky hands land on the keyboard, moving his character left and right. 

“Is the AC really broken?” Sapnap asks and you hear George laugh in response, considering how unimportant that information is right now. You know both of them, obviously - you’ve talked to them more than a few times, joining in on their jokes when Clay talks to them on speaker, growing as close as one can with their boyfriend’s friends.

“Yeah, it is. The AC in here is really good, though. Maybe I should stay and just take over the Dream channel.” You joke and they laugh.

“Yeah, I mean it would probably be better. A woman owning the Dream channel would make it so much better. The views would skyrocket.” Tommy says and you see his character walk up to you before he randomly laughs again.

“I can’t believe- I can’t believe Dream actually has a girlfriend. Is he, like, paying you to do this, or are you really…” he trails off and you giggle at his question, switching tools in the hotbar as you try to figure out how to play the game again.

“No, he’s not. We are dating, yes.” you confirm with a nod, and you feel Clay’s elbow sink into the chair, almost trying to listen.

“Say 1 if he’s keeping you hostage.” he says and you laugh again, shaking your head.

“No, he’s not- he’s not keeping me hostage.” you reply and you hear Clay go “WHAT?” right behind you.

“Well, of course, of course, I mean, who could ever pass up dating the great Dream. With all those subscribers, and Twitch primes, and Minecraft skills. Did- did his Minecraft skills get you?” Tommy asked, but before you could even respond, Sapnap jumped into the conversation.

“Oh yes, absolutely. She loves it. Yes, Dream, speedrun faster!” he sarcastically replies and for a few moments the whole call is blown into loud laughter, screeching and yells before it quiets down.

“Yes, what Sapnap said. I was so impressed, he just blew me away, with um… with his, um, Manhunt skills? I dunno, I don’t play Minecraft.” you hear him laugh at “Manhunt skills” behind you as the rest of the boys start laughing too.

“Dream’s girlfriend doesn’t play Minecraft?! What?! Dream- how could he allow this, seriously…” Tommy argued dramatically, his character staring at yours - or rather Clay’s.

“I can’t imagine if we were both Minecraft players, that would be a nightmare.” you replied.

“Why?” you heard George laugh through the headphones.

“Who do you think peels him away from the damn computer? If I was just like him we would never get out of the house, probably.” you argued.

“Dreamfriend, what is Dream like, you know, in real life?” Tommy spoke up and you heard George giggle again.

“Dreamfriend?” you repeated, a grin forming on your face at his stupidity, finally deciding to move the character around and switch back to the sword in the hotbar.

“Yes! Dream’s girlfriend, Dreamfriend, Dreamgirl, Girldream, whatever you like.” Tommy said and you laughed.

“Dream girl… if I wanted to get clout off Dream I’d use that, that’s genius.” 

“Thanks, I know I’m a genius, everyone tells me so.” Tommy claims and you shake your head, checking your boyfriend’s inventory to see if there’s anything interesting in there.

“Alright, I’m gonna check on the AC, I’ll be back in a second.” Clay says to you, before lowering himself to the mic so the boys could hear him. “Tommy, don’t do anything stupid, okay?”

“Oh you know it, big man! I’d never!” Tommy yells back, despite Clay being unable to hear him, and he leaves the office with one last, quick kiss to your temple.

“Is he gone?” Tommy asks, and you nod and hum, despite him not being able to see you.

“Okay, so you don’t play Minecraft, right?” he asks.

“No, I don’t.” you reply.

“So there’s this really cool thing, right. If you just go in and type /op tommyinnit, there’s this thing that’s gonna-” Tommy doesn’t get to finish his sentence before he’s cut off by Sapnap, whose character suddenly appears in front of you.

“No, no, no, no, don’t trust him, you should-” Sapnap cuts in, but Tommy still loudly protests in the background.

“BE NICE TO OUR GUEST, SAPNAP! Let her do what she wants! She is Dream’s girlfriend after all, the most powerful woman.” Tommy claims and you laugh, sort of blushing from all the attention. You don’t even dare to check the chat or the donations that come in from Twitch, because it must be blowing up by now. As if he can hear your thoughts, George speaks too.

“Oh my God, Dream’s already trending on, like, five different spots on Twitter.” he says, and you instinctively grab your phone to check, before you can even think about it.

“What?” you and Sapnap both say in sync.

“Yeah, ‘Dream’ is trending #2 worldwide, and ‘Dream girlfriend’ is #4.” he lets out a shocked laugh.

“Oh my God…” you mutter out in both excitement, nervousness and dread as you open Twitter and confirm that George is indeed correct. You don’t even dare to press on either of the trends, simply turning off your phone with a sigh and moving back to stream.

“Wow, you’re famous now! How does it feel?” Tommy asks and you let out a quite dry laugh.

“Amazing. I can feel my value as a person increasing as we speak.” you respond sarcastically and hear George quietly laugh in the background.

Just then, you hear the door to the office opening again, but you ignore it because Tommy starts speaking.

“Okay, well, I’m sure that must be very fun and exciting for you, but I really will need you to type in /op tommyinn-” 

“No! I’m not listening to you, Tommy! I’m not about to type in some stupid command and get yelled at!” you cut in, but he keeps on whining.

“Come on, we know Big D would never yell at his… beloved girlfriend! Listen, just do it, I promise he will not be mad.” he argues.

“What does /op even mean?” you ask out loud, and suddenly Clay is yelling behind you. 

“Who is asking you to op them? Give me the headset!” he says, one hand already tugging at the headphones as you laugh while Tommy panics.

“Well, it was fun talking to you guys, but I have to go. Bye!” you bid them farewell and heard George and Sapnap say goodbye as well while Tommy yelled, and you took off the headphones and passed them to Clay who immediately put them on and adjusted them, plopping back into the chair. You left, moving to the living room to process everything that happened and abandon your phone for the next few hours because you were not ready for that type of attention in the slightest.

You laid in front of the TV, watching random shows on Netflix and grabbing a few snacks from the kitchen while you could still clearly hear him yelling and streaming, wondering how he’s still going as if nothing happened. The temptation to check what people were saying was overwhelming to the point your hands were itching to grab your phone and open all social media - before you even realised it, you were on the trending page again, thumb tapping on the “Dream girlfriend” tab. 

You braced yourself for the worst, but that’s not what came at you - sure, there were a couple of tweets telling people to lay off you, and delusional shippers getting ratioed, but they were mostly positive, lighthearted jokes, from single people making jokes about how a Minecraft YouTuber can get bitches but they can’t, to people calling you cute/funny. One hate comment obviously stings more than a million positive comments make you happy, but they were mostly misogynists calling you annoying for the roughly five sentences you spoke on stream or shippers disappointed that their favorite YouTuber isn’t gay, so you didn’t really let it get to you. 

When the house finally quieted down the sun was lowering itself into darkness and melting into a pot of blinding orange and golden honey, and you heard Clay’s footsteps when he finally turned off the stream, stepping into the living room a few seconds after you heard him. He sat down on the couch next to you, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and pulling you close to him, sitting there in silence with you.

“So… that was something.” he finally broke the silence and you nodded.

“It really was.” 

Another beat of silence passes.

“I’m sorry, baby, but I really need you to stop breaking all these ACs.”

“I’M NOT THE ONE BREAKING THEM-”

“Sorry, but I’m noticing a pattern here.” he wheezed, obviously just trying to get you riled up as you pulled away so his hand gets ripped off your shoulder.

“Shut up. You better have called someone to repair that damn thing, cause there is no way we’re sleeping in there without an AC.” you huffed, and he shuffled closer to you, arm wrapping itself around your shoulders once again.

“I did, they’re coming by tomorrow.” he assured.

“Tomorrow?” you asked, looking at him in disbelief. “How are we gonna sleep tonight?”

“Who says we have to sleep?” the glint in his eye and the stupid grin plastered on his face tells you everything you need to know, and you roll your eyes.

“If we fuck, I’ll actually die of overheating. Absolutely not.”

“Well in that case, I need to get that AC fixed as soon as possible.”

[sheepwasfound]

dnf moments caught from within the chaos (every single one)

 march 10th george alt stream

 ***

first video:

00:11:40-00:12:30 "is that george from dreamhunt?"

00:20:37-00:21:10 g:"me and dream argue about the stupidest things"

(many good sap/gogy sibling moments! and then...)

00:26:49 dream joins in secret and george tries to figure it out

00:27:26 dream gives himself away with a chuckle

00:27:55-00:29:00 "i was watching George's stream, i didn't even know you were streaming"

00:34:08-00:34:45 lil uk travel ban talk

00:36:46 g:"'late nights in the middle of june' this is true x2"

00:37:52-00:38:10 1.5 inches elephant still on george's desk

00:40:56-00:41:12 dream chuckling going "george is so salty"

00:49:04 dream hasn't paid george the $1,000 from geoguessr

00:49:50 dream tries to get george to play geoguessr

00:50:18-00:50:45 george tells dream about dreamhunt guy

00:53:37 d:"im on literally negative sleep"

00:55:57 g:"'tell dream you love him' no."

00:56:27-00:57:00 g:"'george you're the hottest piece of ass in dreamhunt' is that true dream?", d:"maybe it is" + "you're such an idiot"

00:57:14-00:57:54 dream tries to think of who in one direction each one of them are, can't choose for george

00:59:12 d:"he's like the most annoying person on the planet" (prob cus he can't focus on chess cus of gogy)

01:17:36 sapnap doesn't reply to george, dream replies immediately

01:19:26-01:19:40 + 01:21:56-01:22:50 talking about george exposing dream for the s*x tiktok

01:24:13 g:"ok i'm gonna go get water. dream, entertain my stream."

01:29:55-01:32:00 george and sapnap argue over servers, simp dream settles it w/ a "coin flip" (rigged)

01:33:40-01:34:50 sapnap waited for dream to wake up for burger day, s:"george wishes he coulda been a part of that"

01:36:12 d:"i was actually writing lyrics this morning"

01:40:37-01:42:12 stonks talk g:"what do i invest in?" d:"me"

(dreamnap moments interval here...)

01:50:14 s:"should i tweet out a picture of your girlfriend george?", d:"it's gonna be like a picture of my yt icon"

01:52:11-01:52:43 d:"'dnf arc'? yeah maybe", g:"is it a joke to you?"

01:52:57-01:53:11 sapnap and dream don't send george good morning texts & it upsets him

01:53:13-01:53:45 george didn't laugh at dream's joke, so dream calls him out for not paying attention

01:53:51 g:"'pretty privilege is real and you have it!' is this true dream?" d:"yeah. yeah"

01:54:13-01:54:55 sapnap accusing george of having a girlfriend, g:“dream, should we just tell them?”

01:59:30-01:59:50 g:“’can you say bleepbleep dream?’ no i can’t say that”, d:”just say it. george.”

02:02:00 g:“’is it true quackity and dream constantly fight for your love?’ it’s true”

02:02:10-02:03:00 d:”we were in our, like, linked arc. except for opposites …attract”

02:03:30 dream starts going through his texts with george

02:04:30 d:”my favorite number is…one second, i’m pulling up my george contact”

02:05:35-02:06:20 dream reads out their texts about waking up at the same time & having s*x

02:06:33-02:08:00 george’s “ayo muffin man” text to dream where he asked if he could make a joke about dream’s cheating drama, d:”you were being a good friend”

02:07:02 g:”we don’t text that much” d:”we text, like, everyday, but…”

02:08:36 first video ends

***

second video:

00:10:35 george shoots dnf on a wall, d:”you’re so dumb”, s:”what?”, d:”george”

00:14:30 g:”dream come baaaaackk”

00:16:22 dream in the bg laughing alone “this text is so funny! this text is amazing” (note: he started going through their texts, like, 20 mins ago)

00:17:25-00:17:58 george’s first text to dream: “hi loser”, sapnap asking about his first text, d:”that’s different”

00:20:38-00:21:00 s:”maybe if you were watching my stream instead of watching george’s all the time” + s:“maybe if you weren’t in your, like, dnf arc all the time”

00:22:40-00:23:15 g:“’george and dream’s brotherly relationship is so iconic’ brotherly?”, d:”someone in chat said ‘the alabama arc’”

00:26:05-00:26:30 pickle dick g:”dick-…dip his hands in the pickle jar”

00:27:05 d:”you’re an idiot george, you’re such a, you’re such a dick”

00:30:29-00:41:45 discussion about covid travel rules and george going to florida, george heatedly going through every possible trick to get there but dream being responsible about it

00:34:00 g:”dream, get me a private jet”

00:34:56 g:”i’ll just stay”, d:”for how long?”, g:”forever.”

00:36:13 gnf charity for private jet and then george will grapple down from a helicopter, d:”you’re such an idiot x2”

00:36:51 g:”i’m not actually joking” + g:”no it’s not impossible!” *checks cost of a private jet*

00:38:20 d:”you need to double it cus you have to go back” g:”i’m not going back. i’m not going back”

00:38:38 about deportation g:”dream, you can just protect me dream, just don’t let them take me away”

00:39:29 about deportation g:”then what if i never go back, what if i just never go back?”

00:40:01 g:”wait i have an idea dream. what if you just married me?” s:”you’re not allowed to marry someone to get them in the country”, g:”well that’s not the only reason”

00:41:13 g:”’sounds like dream doesn’t wanna meet you’ yeah he doesn’t”

00:43:43 g:”to be fair you are in your silly goose arc”, d:”i’m not in any goose arc” *mutual giggling*

00:44:45-00:45:25 discussion about obama escorting george on his private jet

00:47:38 dono:“you visiting dream is not a no, it’s a not yet”

00:50:21 g:”’just admit it, you’re madly in love with dream and you’re using this as an excuse to marry him’ no. this is false”, g:”i’m in my hating dream arc right now” d:”well, i mean … it’s about to be in a different arc though”

00:50:40 finishing each other’s sentences

00:50:50 s:”i wish karl was here.”, s:”at least i would have someone to be like, in love with, jesus”

00:51:29 d:”sapnap third wheel arc” s:”you guys may flirt and stuff, but me and you have physical s*x” d:”oh my goddd, what the hell?! that’s too far!”

00:54:43 sapnap teasing george about being able to cuddle dream, g:”i don’t care, i don’t care”

00:56:27 george teasing sapnap about having a gf again, s:”you have a dream”

00:56:43 g:”should i play geoguessr?” d:”oh, yes!”

00:57:07 d:”i’m exhausted and i’m laying in bed” (but he’s still staying)

(00:58:30 geoguessr starts, they’re tired and argue a lot)

01:00:48 arguing about colors g:”well you’re wrong” d:”maybe- actually maybe i think that’s- actually you’re right”

01:03:27 george was going to do geoguessr with wilbur today, but is too tired now

01:07:55 d:”if you had asked, i would’ve told you” g:”i didn’t wanna ask, i did it myself” *sassy*

01:13:55 george missed dream’s joke and he called him out for it again

01:17:00 g:”i’m not buying a maid dress” d:*silence*

01:20:10 g:“’dream we need your support to get george in a maid dress’ what do you think dream?”, d:*silence*

01:21:53 g:”you know what dream? i trust you”, d:”no, don’t trust me!”

01:22:50 dono:”when you asked dream if you should wear a maid dress, the silence was so loud” d:*silence*

01:23:23 after george makes a dumb voice d:”why are you reading like that?”, d:”i’m about to leave” (spoiler: he doesn’t leave, just stops looking for 30 secs)

01:24:10 g:”what do you mean you’re not even looking?”, g:”why, do you hate me?”, d:”you were being in your annoying arc”

01:34:28 dono:”do you have a song that makes you think of dream?”, d:”probably heat waves”, + george saying he doesn’t think of dream when listening to songs and dream not buying it

01:36:40 dream replying for him that george’s most listened to travis scott song is goosebumps (aka “their song”)

01:39:50 george confirms goosebumps is his most listened to travis scott song

01:42:26 d:”this is the last game im playing with you”, d:”cus i don’t wanna play with you anymore” (spoiler: it’s not the last one)

01:45:52 g:”alright one more”, d:”no i said i’d-…ok fine whatever one more” (spoiler: it’s not just one more)

01:48:46 dream mishears that george is gonna kiss him

01:54:24 g:”alright here’s the last game guys”, d:”you keep saying that, you keep…leading me on”

01:57:02 d:”that was the last one”, g:”no we said we were ending on a win” (no they didn’t) g:”you can’t leeeeeave, you can’t leave! it’s not allowed”

01:58:17 dono:”what is a place you’ve always wanted to go?”, g:”idk”, d:”america”

01:59:27 g:”i just, i was like…aaaaaghhhhlldududu you know?”, d:”yeah, i do know”

02:05:00 d:”alright, i’m gonna head out”, g:”wait, wait just wait”, g:”why are you in your like salty era?”, d:”why are you in your clingy era?”, d:”i think it would make sense if i left when i want to”, g:”alright, well, leave then, see what happens, you’re gonna regret it, that’s all i know”

02:05:30 dream leaves the call but then immediately starts watching george’s stream until he ends (who’s the one in their clingy era?)

02:06:10 george talks about going to bed (dream’s already in bed so they’re synced once again) 

[lemonlark]

the dock house pt. 1

eddie munson x reader

prompt: Y/N gets stuck helping her grandfather in Hawkins over spring break. She gets more than she bargains for when she comes across the long haired d&d hellfire club dungeon master.

word count: 1515

warnings: physical violence, swearing, sick grandparents, death, mention of drug selling and use

The old flashlight only did so much. Every inch of environment surrounding Y/N was drowned out by darkness, the every so often silhouette of bushes creeping into her periphery. This was definitely not what she had in mind for her senior year spring break. Y/N could have been in Florida with her friends right about now soaking up the southern sun. But alas all that money saving had gone towards a heat free holiday instead. When her less than capable grandfather had called her up a week prior, she knew any spray tan she bought was going down the drain along with her hopes and dreams. 

“Is that my dear Y/N?” He really was the sweetest man alive in her eyes and that's what was so awful about the situation. Y/N could never say no to him.

“Yeah Gramps it’s me. How are you?” He didn’t sound like himself but she would never tell him that. He was stubborn as a mule. 

“I’m doing *cough* *cough* just *cough* fine.” Y/N winced at the ground shaking sound of his coughs, holding the phone away from her poor eardrum. 

“Good to hear Gramps.” There was an awkward pause and then sudden movement on the other end.

“I’d say, I forgot what I called you for dear.” It was slightly sad knowing he wasn’t the same man he had been when she was a little girl.

“How’s the house?” She spoke back, hoping that maybe bringing up his Hawkins, Indiana residence would spark his memory. 

“Oh! I was calling to ask; Could you come to Hawkins next week? The gardens and such are becoming overgrown and the neighbors are beginning to complain about the weeds growing into their yard.” There it was. It had only been in the last couple years that Y/N’s grandfather would have ever asked her to drive all the way to Hawkins (a two hour drive) just to tend to his garden. This was due to the fact that her grandmother had passed away recently. She had been the sand to his tide and vice versa. The garden was her passion and after she passed away, his health began to deplete and so did the property’s

Of course Y/N didn’t want to go. There wasn’t much going on in Hawkins usually and the last time she was there quite a few murders hit the news and it didn’t really give her the warm and fuzzies. But this was her Gramps, the man who taught her how to fish and build treehouses. He was there when she learned to ride a bike for goodness sake.

She let out a slight groan and silently prayed that her friends would forgive her for ditching them to stay at her grandpa's house all spring break. 

“Sure Gramps. I can be there Monday evening. I’ll see you then. Yes, I love you too. Bye now.”

So here she was in full yellow rain attire (boots, jacket, hat and all) trudging through the downpour and trees to the dock house out back. There had been a lot of commotion earlier that day in that area and her Uncle Rick, who usually hung out in the doc house was out of town for a “conference”, even though it was more probable that he was with his pothead friends on a peyote retreat a few miles east. Because of that, Y/N felt it important to go check it out.

The fact the lights were on was the indication something was wrong. Then as she approached the doors, she noticed that the large industrial padlock keeping it secured had been cut. Very strange indeed. 

One knock, two knocks and then three. Nothing. Putting the flashlight in her coat pocket, Y/N slowly and hesitantly slipped inside. The loud creak of the old wood doors caused an inner cringe within her. She would never admit when she was scared and now was no different. But inside she was shaking in her boots. 

Not much looked different from the last time she stepped foot in the dock house, but she couldn’t help but double check.

“Hello?” Usually Y/N would never call out like that in a situation like this. Being a horror movie buff, she knew better than that and yet something persuaded her to take the risk anyway. 

It was dead quiet. Well it was until Y/N noticed a slight rustling underneath the tarp that guarded the old canoe in the center of the room. She halted and slowly looked over at where the sound was coming from. She wasn’t a fan of racoons after one bit her in her youth (getting that rabies shot still haunts her to this day). Without a second thought Y/N grabbed a ore that was nicely mounted on the wall behind her, raising it in the way of a baseball bat, prepared to strike any furry beast that could possibly pose a threat. 

With the agility of a cat hunting its prey, Y/N slowly took a step closer towards the canoe. The next step caused a loud creaking sound in the floorboards. Y/N winced, hoping she wouldn’t blow her cover. The tarp slightly shifted again. Something was definitely under there.

Y/N gave a light kick to the underbelly of the boat, and then another small rustle occurred. Tired of the anticipation, she brought the ore down, poking around at the tarp, quite aggressively. She had prodded away at it a few times when she heard a guttural groan. She jumped back in shock, dropping the ore, preparing to run for dear life.

Then more movement. This time the whole tarp was flung away and a hand draped out over the side. Then a young man in what looked like Ramones wear pushed himself out of the canoe, a few beer cans spilling to the floor after him. 

“What the fuck?” Y/N explained, quickly reaching down again for her nautical weapon of choice.

“Wait, wait, wait.” The boy was crouched over in pain, one hand holding his stomach and the other out in hopes to avoid another hit to the gut.

“Who are you and why are you here?” One more reason why she wasn’t a huge fan of Hawkins. Random drifters camping out in her grandpa's dock house. That was a new one. 

Once he had gotten over the stomach pain she had endured upon him, the young man found his footing, ready to explain himself. 

“Don’t tell anyone I’m here please!” This was just fucking nuts, she thought.

“What? Why? You’re trespassing on private property! I should be calling the police!” Y/N was just about to turn around and go searching for the phone.

“Wait, no!”

“Why not?”

“I- I know Reefer Rick. He’s a buddy of mine. He said I could stay here and crash.”

“Yeah right. My Uncle Rick is an idiot but wouldn't be caught dead dealing or hanging around a kid, and he’s away so when exactly did he stay you could stay here?” He looked at her with a puzzled look on his face. She had caught him in a lie.

“Um uh, ok look -” She rolls her eyes and scoffs in response as his cover up falls into shambles.

“I knew it.” She turned again ready to turn this guy in. She wasn’t scared any more. He was just pathetic. 

“Wait! Please, I'm begging you. Just let me explain.” Her arms crossed , sitting into her hip. Okay so he was kind of cute. Kind of.

He had these lovely long brown locks that usually wouldn’t cause such a stir inside but was changing the game entirely. His fingers were covered in rings, drawing in her attention and making her want to know the story behind each one. And although it looked like he hadn’t washed his clothes in about six months, there was a weird charm to his look that Y/N didn’t seem to mind in the least. 

“Something happened at my house. I came here to get away. And I do actually know Reefer Rick. He gives me most of my supply.”

“What happened at your house then?”

“What?”

“What happened at your house?” This wasn’t adding up at all. The fact that he knew her uncle was already a red flag and now, he was tip toeing around her questions.

“I can’t really go into that right now.” he was being shifty. His nervous energy was palpable. She didn’t trust him one bit. No matter how cute she thought he was.

“You are camping out in my grandfather's dock house. I think I deserve an explanation as to why.”

He took a second to think about the pros and cons of being honest with this girl he had never met before. There was something about her though. She obviously had a guard up and rightfully so, but there was a softness to her that he just hadn’t reached yet. He didn’t do it often but he decided to trust her.

[spicycreativity]

Good Omens but Make It Moceit (unfinished)

I said I would do it and I tried very, very hard but it's not looking like I'm going to be able to finish because ✨mental health reasons✨

Here's what I have so far (about 8k words)

EDEN

It is a little-known theological fact that the invention of the hypothetical coincided nearly perfectly with the invention of the thunderstorm, the latter being a rather effable invention of God, all things considered, and the former springing forth from the troubled mind of Phaedaël, the angel of the Eastern gate. The first drops of rain pattered to the ground and he curved one wing upward to protect his head. Addressing his companion, he said, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I should be talking to you."

"Oh, and what a shame," cooed the serpent, who hadn't yet chosen a name, "and here I was so hoping you'd wring the details out of me."

"Oh," said the angel, considering this. He shifted uncomfortably, and made a face like he'd just been forced to swallow something bitter. "Well… What did you say to her?"

"Don't patronize me," said the serpent. He paused. "I don't suppose you could enlighten me, angel, on what's so bad about knowing the difference between good and evil?"

"They broke the rules," said the angel firmly.

"I don't suppose it matters that the rule was arbitrary?" The angel drew in a breath to reply, but the serpent cut him off, looking him up and down suddenly as though seeing him for the first time. A sly smile tugged at his lips. "Lose something?"

"No!" said the angel, far too quickly.

"Oh, come on. Lying doesn't become an angel."

"It's not a lie!" the angel insisted.

"Well, then. Please do tell me what happened to that flaming sword of yours."

The rain began to fall in earnest. A thunderclap sounded overhead. The angel said, "What if you had an opportunity to help someone--"

"What if?" repeated the serpent incredulously.

"What if," persisted the angel, "someone could benefit from something you were supposed to have, but weren't really using?"

The serpent began to laugh. "Don't tell me you gave it--" he gestured into the distance-- "to them?" A few more hysterical cackles escaped his chest, but he swallowed the rest down at the anguished look on the angel's face. "Oh, relax. If you did it, it can't have been bad, can it? Angels don't do bad."

"And demons don't do good?" the angel looked at the serpent with uncertainty.

"Oh, yes," purred the serpent, "we're wicked to the core."

The angel went silent, considering this.

The thunder roared, the rain came down harder, the serpent remained, and the angel very gently lifted his other wing to keep his companion dry.

Who, after all, prayed for the Devil?

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

God (God)

Logan (Patton's overseer)

Satan (A Fallen Angel; The Fallen Angel, one might say)

Remus (Janus' overseer)

Janus (An angel who did not so much fall as back away muttering "I'm really going to do it this time; no one try to stop me")

Roman (a lover)

Virgil (an Antichrist)

Dog (hellhound, hellraiser, and sleeping partner)

21 YEARS AGO

In the Valendale Regional Military Cemetery lurked a demon.

Well, he lurked as best as he was able, given that the ambiance was all off for lurking. He had fudged the timing a little, being unaccustomed to the nature of the passage of time on Earth, and had accidentally arrived just in time to witness a beautiful sunrise over Florida's eastern coast. Half the sky was a magnificent golden ocean with waves of orange and pink. The military cemetery had also been a mistake, though this one bothered him less. While he had been hoping for something a little more ancient and decrepit, he soon began to console himself by playing hopscotch on the clean, flat grave markers, delighting in the muddy bootprints he left behind him.

Besides, he liked the way 'military cemetery' rolled off the tongue.

When he inevitably got bored of desecrating graves, he threw himself down in the grass and began to look for worms and bugs with which he might decorate his uniform.

This was Remus, a Duke of Hell.

He found a worm and began to speak to it, watching it writhe around in his palm. "I'm so bored."

He spent a good few seconds coming up with a voice to use to represent the worm, then asked himself in a high-pitched squeak, "Why's that, your

Grace?"

Remus cupped the worm in his hands and rolled over, nearly kicking the basket he'd brought with him. This bothered him less than it rightfully should have, considering what was inside. He only gave a blithe "Oops!" and returned his attention to the worm. "That little subordinate of mine is making me wait!"

The worm said, "You should punish him!"

"Good idea!" Remus exclaimed, stroking the worm with his fingertip. "What do you think, should I spank him? Make him kiss my boots? Or--" He cut himself off, having just caught sight of flashing red and blue lights in the near distance. Sirens had been echoing on and off throughout the night, but they were very near now. "There's my bitch!" he said with undisguised affection. He put the worm in his pocket and stood up.

The Interstate Highway System was ostensibly developed under the command of United States President Dwight D Eisenhower in order to facilitate the movement of personal use vehicles, public transportation vehicles, and self-propelled field artillery across the country. This project, as anyone who has ever attempted to traverse the Interstate Highway System can tell you, was a catastrophic failure. The criss-crossing network of freeways, highways, turnpikes, and byways is frequently backed up with bumper-to-bumper traffic.

What most hapless travelers of the Interstate Highway System do not know is that the cloverleaf interchange, one of the most commonly-used interchanges in city planning, is also the exact same shape as the sigil det in the written language of the Church of the Black Clock. Written correctly, it means "black fire upon my enemies, devour their souls!" (Note: Written incorrectly, it reads "kneel, gay men.") Every day, commuters slow traffic via their own ill-wishes on fellow drivers, granted life by the sigil. (It is a known fact that every driver on the freeway considers every other driver on the freeway an enemy).

It was one of Janus' most diabolical achievements. He was quite proud of himself, not only in the end result but in his methods. While a lesser demon might have had to go to the trouble of hands-on work: hacking computers, making bribes, and, Satan-forbid, possibly even sneaking out at night to move marker pegs by hand, all Janus had had to do was talk. He was quite good at getting people to do his bidding once he got his foot in the door.

Something Janus had inexplicably failed to account for was the fact that he, too, would occasionally need to use the freeway system. Such was the curse of Janus' great evil deeds: more often than not, they slalomed between his legs like a wily terrier and bit him squarely on the ass.

The irony snuck up on him sometimes.

Janus had dark hair and high cheekbones. His eyes and tongue were really only unusual if you looked at them twice, and he had a tendency to hiss when he forgot himself. He looked far too young, far too handsome, and far too svelte for the 1957 Cadillac Deville he was driving, bearing no resemblance at all to the sort of wealthy, elderly man who deals in classic cars.

He checked his watch, which also seemed too old for him, and glanced at the rearview mirror. Normally he enjoyed the minor thrill of having cops on his tail, but his exit was coming up and he did have someplace to be.

What he did next lacked imagination, but it got the job done: With one complicated hand gesture, he turned both officers into pigs and gently glided their cars to the shoulder. Then he turned on his blinker and took his exit.

Remus watched the police lights disappear  with impassivity, bouncing on his toes. When Janus finally emerged through the wrought iron gates, having bent reality to get past them, he raised his arms and shouted, "Hail Satan!"

Janus acknowledged this with two lifted fingers. "So sorry I'm late," he said, bringing his hand smoothly upward to tip his hat, "it's just that I don't value your time in comparison to mine." The sarcastic inflection was so light the words could very well be sincere. But of course Janus always meant every word of what he'd said. (Now that's

sarcastic inflection)!

Remus gave a feral grin. Janus was his favorite subordinate. "Wanna see my worm?"

Millennia of acquaintanceship had freed Janus from the notion that he needed to be polite to Remus. The demon was as twisted as they came and nearly immune to flattery. "As much as I'd love to, shouldn't we get this over with?"

"Yeah, yeah." Remus looked around. "Hm, now where did I put the basket?"

The basket was currently sitting atop the headstone for a General T. Pratchett. Janus spied it first and indicated it to Remus with a flicker of his yellow irises, careful not to let a trace of his hesitancy show on his face. He didn't even let himself hesitate when Remus, who had hopscotched over to the basket and then back over to Janus, thrust it out to him.

"So this is really it," Janus murmured, wrapping both gloved hands around the handle of the basket. Then he began to work. "What a high honor."

"So they say," Remus said.

"Remus, be honest with me." Brief pause, just enough for Remus to wonder at the weight in Janus' voice. "Did you pull some strings to ensure I was the one who got this task? Do I owe you a favor?"

"Are you about to thank me?" Remus asked, tilting his head. Addressing the worm in his breast pocket, he said, "Listen up, this should be good."

"So you did?"

"Of course not."

Here it was. After a few seconds of rallying, his ace: "So why me?"

"You've been in the field the longest." Remus' grin widened to an impossible degree and he grabbed Janus by the lapels of his immaculate suit jacket, coming nose to nose. "Some of us think you're getting soft."

Janus smiled back, the unblinking predator's grin of a snake about to strike, and hefted the basket. "We'll see about that." And he extricated his lapels from Remus' grasp and turned to leave.

"You didn't say hi to my worm!" Remus called after him. Janus did not reply. Remus fished the worm out of his pocket. "How rude."

"The nerve of some demons," agreed the worm.

The Cadillac's speedometer hit 110. Janus fumbled for the volume knob with a shaking hand. The radio was permanently set to 98.5 The Jukebox, which only ever seemed to play Queen.

"Shit," Janus muttered as majestic panned harmonies began to emanate from his speakers. "Shit-shit-shit. Why now? Why me?"

BECAUSE, came the harmonic vocals, YOU'VE EARNED IT.

Janus bit down on his tongue to keep from swearing. Communication via electronics had been another one of his ideas, hoping he'd be issued a BlackBerry or a Nokia. But no. Instead, upper management just cut into whatever he was listening to at the time and twisted it. "Thank you very much, my lord," he said, working very very hard to instill his voice with the proper amount of unctuous ooze.

THIS IS IMPORTANT, JANUS.

"Yes, my lord."

THIS IS THE BIG ONE.

"Yes, my lord."

AND YOU UNDERSTAND, JANUS, THAT IF THIS GOES WRONG, EVERYONE INVOLVED WILL BE PUNISHED. EVEN YOU. ESPECIALLY YOU.

"I understand."

GOOD. YOUR INSTRUCTIONS.

And suddenly, he just knew. A new Queen song began to play on 98.5 The Jukebox, and Janus hissed and slammed the heel of his hand against the steering wheel. "What was the point of all that, then?" he demanded of Freddie Mercury.

Freddie Mercury replied, "Don't stop me now! 'Cause I'm havin' a good time!"

Janus rolled his eyes and changed lanes without signaling. He had been instructed to head straight to a hospital on the edge of town. It was technically in an unincorporated community called Misty, but for all intents and purposes, Misty was Valendale. If he kept up this pace (the needle of the speedometer now closer to 130), he could be there in five minutes. Joy.

It had all been going so well, too. He'd really hit his stride in the 21st century, and now here was Hell pulling the rug out from under his shiny Armani brogues. Armageddon. What a nightmare.

In the Publix baking aisle, two angels stood side by side. One of them was Phaedaël, who had lately adopted the name 'Patton,' feeling it suited his corporation.

The other had been christened 'Loirea' once upon a time. As Heaven began to

modernize, Loirea had been the first among the angels to adapt to the changes being made. He had even taken on the name 'Logan' as a show of good faith. 

Both of the angels were human-shaped, having discovered early on that it's much easier to get things done when you have limbs as opposed to flaming wheels of eyes and animal heads poking out at odd angles.

Both wore glasses. Patton's glasses were round, wire-rimmed things, of the sort usually found on kindly old librarians and stern but fair headmasters of all-boy's boarding schools. Logan's glasses were made of shiny black plastic and looked like they could draw blood if strategically applied to a sufficiently tender area.

Patton was, at the moment, holding a bag a semolina flour under one arm and awkwardly attempting to explain himself. "It's called 'cooking.' It's actually really clever, you take ingredients and combine them--"

"Why?" Logan interrupted 

"Oh, uh, well," Patton hesitated, shamefaced, "it makes food."

"Eating," Logan said in such a forceful tone of dismissal that three boxes of brownie mix turned to ash behind him. "I don't understand why you waste your time."

"It helps me blend in," Patton said with a sheepish smile. Everything from his shoes to his shirt was a shade of white or blue; he'd never been comfortable dealing in gray areas.

"I see." Logan adjusted his tie. "Well, I'll let you get back to it in a moment. I just came to pass on a message: Our intel has given us reason to believe that Armageddon is underway."

"Oh," said Patton vaguely, staring at a bag of something labeled 'pasta flour.' "Oh!"

"We'd like for you to keep an eye on Janus. He's a demon; he's on a similar mission to yours."

"I, uh," Patton swallowed hard, staring right through the pasta flour, "I've heard of him."

"Good." Logan put his hand on Patton's shoulder and looked him dead in the eye. "Patton."

"Y-yes?"

"When I say 'keep an eye on' I mean I want you to watch him. It's a figure of speech."

Patton nodded, forcing his mouth to curve into a pale imitation of a smile. Logan nodded back and vanished.

"Well," Patton said to the pasta flour, "fiddlesticks."

Brother Emile Analogical had been raised a Satanist. There is no such thing as an orthodox Satanist, but if there was, that would be the kind of Satanism that Brother Emile's parents had practiced. He had graduated with unspectacular grades, joined the Paralleling Order of Saint Botild, and promptly moved from Nebraska to Florida: more specifically, to the unincorporated community of Misty in the greater Valendale area. The climate had taken some getting used to, not to mention the long, black robes he had to wear, but he had survived the transition and found himself a good fit for the Paralleling Order.

Note: Saint Botild Comminalitus of Malmö was reputed to have been martyred in the middle of the fifth century, for reasons unclear. It is said that the Lord granted him the power to draw parallels and connections between topics; his last words are reported to have been "This reminds me of that one story about Loptr, when he--" Then his assailants lit the pyre.

At the moment, Brother Emile was thinking about the tall, dark figure stalking down the hallways at him holding a basket, likening him to a Scooby-Doo villain, the way the shadows seemed to stick to him.

"Jinkies!" said Brother Emile once the figure was in earshot.

Janus raised an eyebrow at him over the tops of his sunglasses. "Hello."

Unphased by the cold greeting, Brother Emile pointed to the basket. "Is that the fairly odd baby?" he asked in a high-pitched coo that indicated he already suspected the answer.

"No," said Janus, rolling his eyes. "It's a basket of kittens I saved from drowning. Aren't you wondering why I'm all wet?"

"You're," Brother Emile started, and Janus braced himself, fearing the last frayed thread of his patience might snap if the sentence ended with the word 'dry,' "a Mister Grumpy Gills, aren't you?'

Janus thrust the basket at Brother Emile and did not dignify him with any answer more notable than a slight thinning of

his lips.

Brother Emile drew back the blankets and began to babble at the sleeping Antichrist. Janus took the opportunity to flee.

"Look at you," Brother Emile said happily. "Sleeping in a pic-a-nic basket, huh, Boo-boo?"

After a few more moments of cooing, babytalk, and Boomerang references, he remembered himself and found a wheeled bassinet for the baby Antichrist. 

There is a game, common among carnies and street magicians in which a ball is hidden under cups and shuffled around. Unbeknownst to himself, the two sets of new parents, and all the friars at St Botild's, Brother Emile Analogical was about to become a mark.

And Hell had had nothing to do with it.

same rate, and good and evil had a knack for balancing themselves out in the grand scheme of things. And this left Janus and Patton free to pursue other passions, which somehow resulted in the two of them spending a great deal of time in each other's company.

silence. "It's not even that I disagree with you," he said apologetically. "It's just, well, you know, I'm not allowed to disobey."

his hazelnut hot chocolate. "What's a shame?"

Janus nodded. "Roman Dowling."

Roman was about to turn 21, and lived his life according to the belief that everyone over the age of 30 was, in some degree, an 'elder').

wanna do that."

"Roman!"

people; every social interaction, no matter how minor, always kept his body as tense as wire.

[kaeyas-beloved]

Class 1a reaction to their classmate accidently buying a cake in the shape of a d*ck and they didn't realize it until someone told them much later, then they say "I thought it was in the shape of Florida."

Pairing -- Class 1A x Reader (They/Them/GN/You)

Warning(s) -- Uhhh, the word ‘d*ck’ but uncensored, light swearing

Note -- Hi, hello! I hope you enjoy :)

---------------------------

Florida? Not Exactly...

Hooooo Boy!

So, Yaoyorozu was returning back from a vacation that she took to America, to the state of Florida to be more specific

And, in typical Class 1-A fashion, everyone decided to throw her a welcome back party (it was originally the girls’ idea really, but the guys all agreed that it was a good idea)

You were tasked with buying and bringing a cake back to the dorms

Which you did!

And everyone nodded and checked it off the ‘to-do’ list because, of course, they all trusted you to do such a simple task (even when it was bought last minute - as in, hours before Momo was to return…damn procrastination...)

Still, everything was in place and the time that the absent teen texted that she’d be back rolled around, everyone running off to hide in their pre-planned hiding spots

Ever punctual, Yaoyorozu opened the grand dorm doors, confused when she was met with the sight of the lights off

Calling out, the lights flicked on and-

“Welcome home Yaoyorozu/Momo!”

Instantly the girls were crowding her, throwing their arms around her body in a hug, a handful of the boys joining the crowd and some hanging back

You, on the other hand, were unexpectedly overcome with the urge to go to the bathroom and excused yourself before the big surprise, so you were absent at the moment.

Still, before you left you told everyone that if you weren’t back to cut the cake without you (all while Bakugou asked if you could hold it, you replying no and then him calling you dumbass :/) 

Without any other options they did as such, pulling out the cake you’d picked up only hours prior, all neatly concealed in a white box

They had told you to buy one that meant certain requirements: it had to be Momo’s favourite flavor, colour and had to be in the shape of Florida (it was so that, as they ate it, it’s like fully saying goodbye to the warm, southern state)

But MAN were they shell shocked when they popped that sucker open!

Immediately half of the class burst into laughter (of course the Bakusquad minus the man himself, Jirou and Hagakure) while everyone else was either frozen in shock, completely speechless or down right out cold from said shock (yes, that would be Midoriya, Uraraka, Koda, Satou and Aoyama who passed out for one reason or another). 

And lo and behold you just so happen to return from your urgent potty break!

“Hey dumbass!”

“I told you to stop calling me that Baku…” you sigh, seeing Momo and greeting her with your own ‘welcome home’ 

“Well you are one! Look!” the explosive blond continued, thrusting the cake in front of you to inspect

It… didn’t take you long to figure out the problem…

Kaminari, from a ways away and dying of laughter, caught his breath just long enough to wheeze out “that was a good gag you pulled (N/N)!”

“While rather inappropriate, it makes for a nice, lighthearted joke…it really shows just how our class is humor wise...” Iida told you as he pushed up his glasses, not looking particularity mad (maybe just a little disappointed)

You sucked in a breath, closed your eyes and pinched the bridge of your nose, 

Oh how painful it will be to your pride when you reluctantly inform them all of the truth

Well, better get it done and over with-

“It’s… not a joke… I was in a rush and it looked like Florida so I bought it without a second thought…” 

There was a beat of silence, everyone staring at you before they all started laughing harder and, for a moment, you feared they might actually die

Iida became just as baffled as his fellow classmates at the news

Bakugou ‘tch’ed - annoyance increasing, the perfectionist in him pissed that after all their hard work this is what messes up everything

And you… you felt the full force of embarrassment, the heat burning your entire body

Momo, after composing herself somewhat, sighed and chuckled herself, coming up to you and patting you on the back

“It’s quite alright (Y/N)-san, we all make mistakes. If anything, I missed this kind behaviour from my friends”

Her words helped alleviate some of your building shame and you turned to look out at the sea of choking, wheezing and knocked out teens, all curled up on the floor :)

.

..

…

….

Bonus

As punishment - explodo boi positioned the cake box so that it was close to your head and dunked your face into it :)

And you were to also go out and buy a replacement with all the frosting on your face :)

You… weren’t going to live this one down for awhile ang the class was going to make sure of it :)

---------------------------

I hope you enjoyed!

I take requests (check bio for status first though please!)

[Masterlist]

[BnHA Masterlist]

[sylphidine]

[FIC] Call Signs, Chapter 12

Chapter title: Briefer Than They Think

No trigger warnings or content warnings for this chapter.

After hearing Spamton’s description of the annual “pre-Yule” party at the family home of high society people the Addisons had known all their lives, Swatch was dubious. “That’s really what you want to do as a first date?” they asked. “I mean, most people do dinner and a movie.”

They abruptly realized at the sight of Spamton’s grin that last night’s activities had been dinner and a movie.  

“All right, stop smirking, I take your point. But showing me off to friends of the family usually comes a lot later in the dating process.”

The small man had been pacing the floor as he’d given Swatch some background about the Black twins, who had attended the same schools as Spamton, and their parents; now he stood leaning against the wall. His rejoinder to Swatch’s protest was to say, “I thought you said - said you d-d-didn’t have a lot of experience with d-d-dating.”

Swatch looked haughty at that comment, and deliberately let their glasses slide lower on their nose so they could glare at him over the rims. “I don’t get out much, so I read.” They spoiled the effect of the quote by smiling a minute later.

Spamton nodded at the sentiment, although Swatch’s delivery had been terrible. “Seriously, though. You might not - not like me when you see me in what used to be my old - my old st-st-stomping grounds.”

“You mean that whole ‘if you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve my best’ thing?”

“Roughly sp-sp-speaking, yes. M-m-make or break time, d-d-datewise.”

Swatch digested that for a few minutes. “Can I think about it and give you a definite answer tomorrow night? I’ve got to gear up to go back to campus on Monday, and I was planning to hit the books hard before Indo and Catto come back tomorrow.”

While most of Spamton was sure that Swatch didn’t intend their words to be a dismissal and a metaphorical slap in the face, the rest of Spamton definitely felt slapped and dismissed.

Hello awkward, my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again…

“Sure thing. I’ve got stuff - st-st-stuff to do, too. Soup to make, p-p-papers to write.” He was starting to move towards the kitchen when Swatch’s voice stopped him. “Spamton?”

He turned back. “Yeah?”  

“Speaking of writing, you gave me an idea.”

And the awkward feeling melted as though it had never been.

Later that night as they sat next to one another at the kitchen table, armed with two of Swatch's extra notebooks, a pair of four-color Bic pens, and a Luigi’s Special, the Burning Questions Project took shape.

Indigo and Catechu returned from Florida the next afternoon with their parents, who stayed for lunch. This was the first time Spamton had actually spent any time with the older Dyers, who were warm and friendly, but obviously tired after their travels.

He also didn’t miss the significant looks that were exchanged between Swatch and their aunt and uncle, seeming to portend some serious family discussion that his presence was hindering.

So as soon as he could without seeming rude, Spamton retreated back to his room, making the excuse that there were only three weeks of classes left before finals week.

________________________

“They can’t do that!  Let me see the damn thing.” Catechu held his hand out for the letter from Campus Housing that Swatch had just received.

The tables around them in Plato’s Cave were starting to empty out as the cousins finished their lunch. It was Tuesday afternoon, Swatch’s second day back to in-person classes, and they were emotionally as well as physically exhausted. They handed over the letter to Catto as ordered.

“ ‘Dear Mr. Paletta:’ - HA!  Can’t even get that right. ‘We have reviewed your situation regarding the injury you suffered on November 2, 2021 and its consequences as they affect your continued athletic performance at Inwood College. We regret to inform you that we must abide by the decision made by Coach Edward Bontempo to cancel the contract between you and the Athletic Department…’ - blah, blah blah. So in other words, Campus Housing wants you to pay out-of-pocket next semester, since they’re assuming you still have scholarship money left from the beginning of the year?’

“That’s about the size of it,” sighed Swatch.

“That is some grade-A prime BULLSHIT, is what that is.”

Personally, Swatch agreed with Catto, but as the elder cousin, it was up to them to take the adult view. They replied in as diplomatic a tone as they could muster, “Well, it’s not like I didn’t expect it. And they can’t touch my academic scholarship, that’s sealed as tight as a drum with my GPA.”

“True,” mourned Catechu, “but can they really make you move out? Can’t we claim you as a guest?”

“With Freddie ‘Freakout’ Philpott as our RA? For her, ‘R’ and ‘A’ are the first two letters on her ‘ratfink’ badge.”

The two packed up their trash and Catechu shuttled both their dirtied trays to the return window. He said, as Swatch caught up with him, “I think we should have a family war council, get T.M. in on this, brainstorm the fuck out of this thing. You want me to tell Pop that we’re all coming home this weekend?”

“Not yet. Let me look into some stuff here first, see if I can appeal. You’d better get going to practice.”

“You gonna be okay?”

“I’m always okay.” Swatch was proud of themself at being able to say that with a straight face, even though they knew Catto was not convinced.

The cousins went their separate ways, Catechu hiking up the ziggurat stairs to the gym, Swatch heading towards the parking lot to go back to Overlook Hall. The December wind made their eyes water and they muttered to themself, “Home? I have no home.”

____________________________

Kirov Rouvin was always pink in the face, even when standing still.  His prematurely thinning hair was such a pale red that it, too, could be called pink. When paired with his watery blue eyes, the overall effect was that he looked like a sidewalk chalk sketch half-washed out by rain. His “freshman fifteen” potbelly was made more obvious by his scrawny frame. But his smile was infectious and his laugh even more so, and he was well-liked by his floormates in Chrysostom Hall.

His grades had definitely improved with tutoring, Kirov thought as he headed toward his dorm for his weekly session. Professor Nagle was so kind to have found someone as smart and as handsome as Stanton to help him with English. Speaking the language was not as hard, but even after a few years of study, writing in English still did not come naturally to Kirov. It was his fourth language, after all. Sometimes he and Stanton spoke French or Italian together, since they had those in common as second and third languages.

“Spamton” was such an ugly name for such a beautiful man, so Kirov always called his tutor “Stanton” in his own mind, after looking him up on the Internet. Stanton was seated waiting in the dorm lobby, right on time as he always was, the glow from the overhead chandelier highlighting the silver glints in his dark hair, the red of his zippered sweatshirt warming the paleness of his face. If Kirov could have his way, he could have sat for hours and looked at Stanton’s cheekbones, the deep lines bracketing his lips, his clever hands, without ever asking for more out of life.

In the hill town where Kirov had grown up, such thoughts if discovered would have gotten him arrested at best and murdered at worst. Even here in America, he was not always certain that he should speak what was in his heart. So he put on a brave and merry face, and did his best in his lessons to earn his tutor’s praise, and dreaded the end of their Wednesday nights together.

___________________________________

On Thursday night, Spamton skimmed four pages of his Lit textbook without absorbing a single word. Finally he slammed the cover shut and put his head down on its cold surface, groaning to himself. He couldn’t put off contacting Ballew any longer.  He dug out his old flip phone and texted his older brother, using the private number that none of his other siblings knew about.

It was almost half an hour later that Ballew called back on Spamton’s more modern smartphone.

“Everything all right? I know you said it wasn’t an emergency, but I wasn’t expecting to hear from you before I picked you up for the weekend.”

“Things are - they’re good. I just had a change -a change of p-plans and thought you should know.”

“You’re still going to the party, aren’t you? Seriously, Spamton, you can’t cancel now. The Blacks won’t take a cancellation this late without kicking up a fuss and taking it out on Eos—”

“I’m not canceling, I’m just planning - p-planning to bring a p-p-plus one. Everyone else does.”

Spamton could practically hear Ballew’s eyebrows raise when his older brother purred, “OH?” in a smug tone.

“Yes, and they - they can d-drive me there and back. I’ve got too - too m-much work to do this weekend, so I c-can’t come home this time.”

Ballew made a humming noise, and then was quiet for a few seconds before saying, “That actually sounds like one of the healthiest steps you’ve taken in the past year, youngster. I can’t wait to meet your date.”

“It’s not a d-d-date! It’s m-m-my roommate.”

Again that smug “OH?” came through the phone speaker. Spamton retorted, “SHUT UP!”

“Okay, okay, I’ll back off. Everything else good?”

“I c-c-can’t really complain.” Compared to Swatch’s current situation, nothing in Spamton’s life right now merited being called “bad”.

“All right then. I’ll see you at the Blacks on Saturday, then. And I’ll head off the rest of the family from bugging you. You’ve got finals coming up, that’s a realistic excuse.”

“That excuse happens to b-be the truth!”

Ballew laughed fondly. “I know. Talk to you soon.”

“See you.”

Spamton swiped the “end call” sign on his screen, and then pulled out a thin notebook from under the pile of textbooks. Despite how calmly his brother seemed to be reacting, Spamton knew he’d be under more scrutiny this weekend from outsiders than he’d been in years. He deserved a little bit of reprieve from anticipating that anxiety, and Swatch could certainly use some distraction after the bad news from earlier in the week.

So it was time to put away his term paper on Arthur Miller, since exploring the theme of “Tragedy And The Common Man” as it pertained to DEATH OF A SALESMAN was hitting a little too close to home, and see whether he could add some more entries and answers in the “Burning Questions'' journals.

Spamton had answered three questions of Swatch’s so far, two serious, one frivolous.  

Do you miss your parents?

Why Spamton?

Beach or mountains?

The next one stared up at him.

What’s your real hair color?

“That’s a darn good question,” he muttered to himself.

Natural mouse?

Loser gold?

Institutional straw?

Spamton's hair had been each of those colors at one point or another in his life.

He wasn’t sure whether his growing-out mane was all gray under what remained of his last black dye job at the beginning of the semester, or whether he still had some light brown left.  It had been that long since he'd really seen himself without artifice.

Which reminded him.  He got up from his desk, rummaged through his closet and pulled out a garment bag containing his black swallowtail coat, lined with satin in rose and lemon, and the matching suit pants.

Ballew had advised Spamton to think of the party at the Blacks as theater, and you couldn’t get much more theatrical than that suit, especially when paired with a bow tie in Cungadero red.

And it would be the pièce de résistance to top off the outfit with the matching pink-and-yellow sunglasses.

To reclaim something ELSE of Mike’s and make it his own, once again.

[novemberistired]

Just A Trip

Chapter 2, Him.

Chapters: Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

(Unedited and Unbeta-d) Warnings: Underage Drinking, Forced Drinking, Harassment (both verbal and sexual), nonconsensual advances, blacking out, and self doubt. If any of this makes you uncomfortable, please do not read for your own health.  Thank you,  Nov.

“Thanks mama! I’ll be down in a moment!”

After Marinette told her mama she would be down soon, she gave the woman a huge grin. The grin was sweet and seemed to convince her mother nothing was wrong, so the older lady went back downstairs without much of a fight. When the small door closed behind her mother, Marinette’s grin faded away, turning into a frown. She hadn’t actually thought the smile would work, but since young she had been giving people fake smiles. She gave out a big sigh before turning to her closet and rummaging through her clothes. While she mindless picked out an outfit, she thought about the trip she would be going on. They would be leaving Paris and would be traveling all the way to America. Everyone in her class had thought it was a good idea, but Marinette didn’t actually want to go there. To be more specific, they would be traveling to Orlando, Florida, somewhere Marinette was extremely reluctant to go. She had been there a few times before, but her last trip and made her dread going back. When she was there, out with a few of her American friends, they had ran into a group of guys. One of them, who we’ll call Lucas, had dark brown hair with matching eyes. He was on the taller side, much taller than Marinette, but he seemed to have developed a thing for small bluenette. During almost the whole trip, he was always stuck at her side, always reaching for her hand. Mari was uncomfortable with this and told him to stop, but that had only made the harassment worse. Now he would try to go for cheek kisses, and would constantly ask for dates. Marinette told her friends about this, but most of them were trying to persuade her to give him a chance. Telling her that she should give the poor boy a chance, that he’s obviously desperate for her. Some said that they would kill for a guy like that, but that just filled Marinette up with dread. Should she give him a chance? Would that even be right? Was she in the wrong for constantly rejecting him? But Marinette just let the others ramble on, keeping her thoughts to herself.

Eventually, much to her own dismay, she and the guy, Lucas, were left alone at a restaurant. Her friends had ditched her, saying they were sick or had an emergency. He said that his friends told him the same thing, that it must’ve been fate for them to meet like this. He asked her out on a date, which he pulled out a rose while doing so. Marinette said No, not wanting to be alone with this guy for too long. But he didn’t leave it at that, he begged and begged her, making a huge scene in the restaurant. Marinette could feel the eyes on her and could hear the whispers around her. Some talked about how sad it was that the girl was rejecting him without giving him a chance, while others gossiped about her, calling her disgusting names. Marinette gave in, giving him a sad, hopeless yes. Her expression was of a crushed teen, one with no joy left. The guy scrambled off of his knees and gave her a big hug. He told her things like, “Finally! You won’t regret this!” and “You should’ve said yes sooner, since I know you were just playing hard to get!”. Lucas dragged Marinette out of the restaurant, setting off red flags in her brain. They were just going to eat, yes? Then why is he taking me away from the restaurant? Marinette wasn’t sure what was happening but she could just feel a pool a dread settle instead in her gut. He took her to the parking lot and pushed her into his car. He just kept yammering about how good of a date this was going to be, and how it was going to be the best surprise ever. Marinette stiffened as he entered the car and grabbed her thigh, her breath quickening. He stayed that way the whole time, getting upset when she would try to move his hand. They traveled for a miles, eventually stopping at a run down bar. The bar’s sign seemed like it was about to fall off, and most of it’s windows were smashed and boarded up. When he tried to drag her inside, she told him she couldn’t go in, that she was underage. He just ignored her and dragged her in anyways, greeting the few people inside. Marinette knew she didn’t belong at this kind of scene, where hookers and drug addicts were drinking their lungs out. She was wearing a white skirt and pink top, factor in her pig tails and she looked young. Not young as in late teens young, but she looked like a 12 year old. She did not fit in at all.  Lucas went up to the bartender and told him to give him his usual, but double the amount. The man just nodded and snorted as he looked at Marinette. He turned his back to them as he started making the shots, full of unknown liquids. Lucas forced Marinette to sit down next to him, where they sat on the musty barstools. The cushion of the stool looked red, but had rips and dark splatters all over it. He kept having his one sided conversation with the uncomfortable girl, until the drinks were ready. The bartender slid them over, one toppling over and spilling over Marinette. It stained her white skirt, giving it a brown-green stain. She felt sick. Lucas started drinking and tried to get her to do so as well. Eventually he got tired of her refusals and forcefully opened her jaw. He made her down the shots, giving her no time to spit it out or realize what was happening. She started to try to struggle, but dots started to form in her vision. The dots multiplied until all she could see was black.

It all went black.

Taglist: @maskedpainter, @jumpingjoy82, @sunflowers-and-mooncakes, @solangelo252 @crazylittlemunchkin I apologize if I forgot anyone, I haven’t been on for a while. The taglist is open, if anyone is wondering.

Notes: This chapter is more of giving you context, and the next will probably also be. I will be updating my other fics soon (the ones on the account May shares with me.) but I am really motivated for this fic and have most of the storyline figured out. But anyways, enough about that, how is everyone today? Are we doing well? Not so well? I hope we’re all doing great, and I wish you all an amazing day (or rest of the day/night.)

Thank you,

November.

[lovelyirony]

sweeter than honey (redux)

Pepper Potts did not exactly mean to become a criminal. Really, she still doesn’t think she is. 

But here are the facts: 

1.) She has broken several laws in pursuit of funds that do not belong to her. 

2.) The FBI would like to talk to her about several things and potentially put her under arrest. 

3.) She can no longer go to her regular coffee shop because the barista snitched and told them her name, as well as her occupation. 

Pepper broke several laws because the company she was working for (Stane International) was technically breaking laws, but laws that do not apply to corporations because corporations do this thing called “funding campaigns” and also sometimes “doing favors.” 

She decided to do the same and suddenly she is a criminal. Not her fault she redistributed money back into the community, and now they can’t get any of it back. 

It’s just how that worked out. 

She’s been staying at a hotel that serves many questionable individuals each month, and it has an indoor pool and a three-star rating on the latest travel website. 

It’s nondescript, not her style, and she’s currently in the bathroom having a crisis because she most likely needs to dye her hair. 

She’s vain. Pepper knows she is, has known it since high school when she trimmed her hair and cried. Her hair, by all accounts, is gorgeous. It’s a shiny strawberry-blonde that makes her look like an ice queen in winter and a mysterious fairy queen in summer. 

She does not want to dye it. But here she is with an eight dollar box of dye and thoughts in her head. 

And then her hotel door opens. 

Not supposed to do that, but that’s what happens when you’re in a three-star hotel. 

She is also in old athletic shorts that have most definitely seen better days and a tank top that was a last-minute buy from the nearest store, and it does not suit her at all. 

Facing her is a man with an odd beard, tinted sunglasses, and a graphic t-shirt over a blazer. 

“So. You pissed off Stane Industries,” he drawls. “I’m impressed. Usually they just sweep their little problems under the rug.” 

“I’ll sweep you under one if you’d like,” Pepper offers, wondering how quickly a blowdryer can knock someone out. She’s not sure how well-made the hotel one is. Probably not very. 

“I’m not here to kill you,” the man says. He takes off his sunglasses. His eyes are a nice shade of brown, not that you’re supposed to notice that about a potential enemy. Pepper is just that skilled. 

“Then what are you here to do? Make me move to Florida?” 

“No, the opposite. We’re staying here. I’m offering you a job position of helping me take down Obadiah Stane and the company itself.” 

“Who would I be working with?” 

“Anthony Stark.” 

Pepper stills. 

She read the news when she was in college, same time as Tony Stark. Went missing in the car crash, no one found his body. Temperatures were freezing, he was wearing a tuxedo. The chances were that he froze to death somewhere that they didn’t find yet. 

Chances were. What an odd little phrase. 

“So, you made it out.” 

“Not as hard as people say it seems to be, Virginia.” 

“Call me Pepper, my first name disgusts me.” 

“Gotcha, Pepper. Call me Tony. You in?” 

“Obviously. What do I need to do?” 

“Meet the team.” 

-

There is Rhodey, who was Tony’s best friend and sobbed on national television for two weeks until they forgot all about him. 

“He’ll cry at anything,” Tony says with a laugh as Rhodey sends him a dirty look. “Just made him think about neon shoes and he bawled like a baby.”

“I did not,” Rhodey hisses. “I was a good crier.” 

 “You looked like a seal,” Pepper intervenes. “But you played the part quite well. Nice to meet you.” 

“Right back at you, Pepper.” 

She meets Happy, a man who is all serious and grumpy and “did not want to break the law before forty” but he also gets to watch Downton Abbey whenever he wants, so he’s not doing too bad. 

He runs security and also tells Rhodey and Tony when they’re banned from ordering pizza all the time, and Pepper is inducted into the Healthy Eating Committee. 

There’s Bruce Banner, who enjoys taking over corporations for fun, and this is his second one. His first was some sort of health insurance scam, and apparently that was just to finish up his thesis for his third doctorate. 

“He has seven degrees, he’s weird,” Tony says. 

“Oh like you’re any better,” Bruce says with a snort. “You learned twelve languages for fun. Including French, which is useless.” 

“French is not useless,” Tony says. “It got us free food in Canada.” 

“We would’ve gotten it anyway if we’d done it my way.” 

“Stealing?” Rhodey asks. 

“Yes!” 

Pepper laughs. 

- 

Their job is a bit easier than anticipated. They found out from Pepper that getting into the building is stupid easy because no one likes their job and will do anything when bribed. 

Tony struts in with a badly-made-employee-ID and talks about a copying machine and coffee and seeing someone next month for dinner. Pepper just keeps her head down and pretends like she’s meeting someone for something. Like usual. 

Obadiah Stane is out of the country on a meeting, and his secretary is scared to death of him, so they’re allowed to poke around the office and find some interesting information. 

The problem comes when someone recognizes Bruce outside (government watchlists: the most pesky things on earth) and suddenly there’s this huge fuss. 

Tony pushes Pepper into an office closet and then promptly asks her if anyone opens the door, if she’s alright with him kissing her. 

“Why would you do that?” 

“People don’t like watching kissing, too intimate. Also, you have a lovely face and you’re quite funny, and I think it’d be fun and delightful to kiss you.” 

“How long have you thought about that?” 

“Not going to talk about that, just want an answer. If you say no--and feel free to, there’s no obligation in physical contact right now--it does complicate plans A to D. I suppose we could play the divorced couple route, but I’m not a gigantic fan about that.” 

“I mean, I guess? It wouldn’t be bad, and I’m not exactly opposed to it, Would it mean anything later?” 

“Do you want it to?” 

“Let’s figure that out after we do it.” 

“If we need to do it.” 

Door swings open. 

Oh, there’s a need. 

Tony is a particularly nice kisser, Pepper thinks. The thought runs through her head that she’s only kissed two people before Tony, and one was in high school so that doesn’t count, but the other was a secretary at an old company she used to work for.

But Tony is nice. Soft and warm and he grabs her waist and that’s nice. 

“Oh my god, sorry,” the employee mutters. “I just, I thought--” 

“Occupied!” Tony says, not even stopping as he kicks out his leg and practically stomps the poor other guy in the stomach. 

They get out, run, and Pepper laughs as she sees a bit of pink lipstick on the side of Tony’s mouth. 

“So, how’d I do?” 

“Send me a survey,” Pepper remarks. “Or a ranking.” 

“On a scale of one to ten?” 

“Seven.” 

“I was that bad?” 

“How do you rank things? Do you put one as the best?” 

“Obviously.” 

“No, you’re an idiot. One is always the worst. You’re a nine. It would’ve been higher but we were in a corporate office and in a supply closet.” 

“So what you’re saying is, I’ll have to try again?” 

“Preferably over a couple glasses of wine and pizza. The good kind, though. Not the garbage Rhodey orders.” 

They approach the car that Happy has, with Rhodey and Bruce already leading others on a goose chase. 

“You two have too much fun,” Happy mutters. “Boss, you got lipstick on your side. Did you get the drives?” 

“Transferred and set to release to every major news outlet tomorrow morning at six a.m.,” Tony says. “Interns are going to curse my name as they’re forced to rewrite articles.” 

Pepper smiles. 

That night, they have a couple of glasses of wine and Tony orders the good pizza, the kind that costs a little bit too much for what it is, but it’s all worth it in the end. 

- 

When Tony takes over the company after about six months of legal battles that would probably have drawn on for well over a decade if not for the fact that Tony is one of the most in-your-face-let’s-talk men she’s ever met, Pepper was kind of expecting things to slow down. 

Of course not. That’s not her style nor is it Tony’s, although arguably a vacation or a nice spa day would have been nice beforehand. 

“We have shit to do,” Tony says. “Rhodey, you need to help me revamp R&D. Pepper, I need to talk to you in the office.” 

They’ve already hired a company to completely redesign the entire building and refocus the company’s outlook, starting with getting rid of the disgusting 1970s carpet and chairs. God, it’s ugly. Pepper cried when she saw the office chairs. 

But she’s in Tony’s office, and she’s wondering if this is going to be directly related to workplace relationships or not. She’s already prepared an argument as to why she still wants a relationship and just how much professionalism she can exhibit in the face of hardship. 

(That hardship being the fact that Tony looks quite good in suits but also has arms that are made for tank tops.) 

“I have a problem with you,” Tony says. “And it’s that I want to make you CEO, but I don’t want people to think that you got it just because we’re dating. So we have an issue to cross.” 

Pepper was not expecting this. She was expecting maybe head accountant, or head of the PR team. But CEO? That was something that was...wow. Pepper had had a fifteen year plan for working up from wherever it was that she would be at. 

She also didn’t know they were dating. 

“We’re dating?” 

“Did I read the kiss wrong? Oh shit, was the seven secretly the bad seven?” 

“No!” Pepper says. “You just never told me that we were dating, we didn’t have a communicative conversation about it.” 

“Oh. Well, would you like to go on dates and things?” 

“What’s ‘and things’?” 

“You know. Sexy times. But I wanted to be a professional about it. But I am not that professional.” 

“No, no you’re not. Which is why you offered me the CEO position and why I am accepting it. But I will also date you...and things.” 

“Excellent. Have a dinner tonight while we discuss how to do Microsoft Excel?” 

“I already know how to use it.” 

“Pepper, you are the only woman for me in this lifetime and the next.” 

“And the one after that?” 

“I’m assuming you’ll get bored of me and marry someone who’s seven feet tall.” 

“Seven feet tall? What, am I going to attend every NBA game for the next husband?” 

“Maybe, I don’t know what you’ll do. I’ll probably be halfway into a grave over despair.” 

Pepper chuckles, dropping a short kiss onto his temple. 

“Well, I hope I don’t have to witness that. You want me to make some salad for tonight then?” 

“Yes please! We also need to review the decor and see what chairs to order.” 

Pepper nods. 

“We need to ask Rhodey, he has opinions about design of those.” 

“Of course he does, he hates standing too long. We’ll send him some of our options.” 

She waves as she leaves the office. 

What Tony misses: 

Pepper pumps her fist as she leaves the office, nearly stumbles, and is quite glad that no security cameras were installed that day. 

What Pepper misses: 

Tony spins so hard in his office chair as a celebration that it topples over. 

Yeah, they’re made for each other.