#i see Cal sometimes but I never see Calum

[writersdare]

Password Is Your Birthday | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: Y/N never doubted Calum's loyalty, however, once controversial photos were leaked, their relationship was put to the test.

Warning: angsty, mention of alcohol

Word Count: 2 582

Requested: yes

Author’s Note: Thank you for the patience! Lately I've experienced a somewhat burnout, and couldn't write anything normally. That's really frustrating when it happens, so I couldn't post the work earlier – it's really important to me to be sure in a story, to be fully satisfied with the result. Hopefully you'll enjoy this one! Remember, your activity helps so-so much! ♡

There was nothing better than holding his hand in hers. To reflect a smile on his face. To feel the heartbeat of each other every time they were close. 

Sometimes Y/N thought she only imagined him. She created him like a puzzle she used to make in the evenings when was very little. Calum was someone the girl could call perfect. Of course, everyone had their flaws, however, when you loved someone the flaws seemed quite insignificant.

She loved him. He was her second breath, her reason the girl believed in happy endings. It was even funny, amusing and little absurd how two people, who were scared of commitment before, were suddenly searching for love in each other. 

Calum adored her. He enjoyed her bright laugh in late afternoons, when they were watching some silly comedy. Praised Y/N's little sad face each time he’d forget to buy something from their shopping list or finish a pack of crisps that supposed to be for both of them. He was guilty, he knew it. 

But Y/N was guilty, too. For entering his life and turning everything upside down. For not warning that her smile would change everything in him. The musician felt alive next to her, and she knew it. 

"Don’t look at me like this," Y/N chuckled, resting hands on his shoulders. Calum led her in a dance, and even though the room was full of strangers, it felt as if there were just two of them.

"Why so?" Cal giggled back, taking his time to observe the girl’s beautiful eyes. They were shining, and he wanted to believe he was the reason of it. 

"You make me shy," she smiled wider, and Calum only laughed at such confession. He doubted it was the truth, because his Y/N could be naughty, but not shy. Not at such moment at least.

"I make you shy? And that’s it?" he asked, smiling.

Y/N made an innocent face only and shrugged, so Calum couldn’t help himself but leave a kiss on the lips.

"I’m going to get us another drink," he whispered and pulled away gently, when the music ended.

Y/N nodded, following Calum with a gaze. It felt like the smile didn’t leave her face for the whole evening. Perhaps, she needed to be careful with that thought, as the girl was about to receive a message that could change everything she believed in.

Cal just disappeared from the sight, when the girl’s phone vibrated. Y/N lazily took it out of a purse and checked the notification. It was a blank email with a photo attached, nothing else. The girl rolled the eyes and already wanted to push a button "spam", seeing unknown address, as noticed on the picture preview outlines of her boyfriend. Even when the photo downloaded, and the girl could see Cal with someone else, she still thought it was fake, a silly prank. Calum was loyal, and he wouldn’t cheat on her. They were both very open about their relationship, and Y/N never had any doubts about him. The girl didn’t have a good look at the photo, when the phone vibrated again. She sighed  annoyingly and opened another email, where few more photos were included, as well as a link to Google Drive. Curiosity, or maybe already doubts, took over. Y/N looked around and hurried to a more quiet place, away from the guests. She supposed to celebrate Michael’s birthday, like everyone else, but her festive mood disappeared just at the snap of fingers.

The girl seat on a couch and open the link. Surely, she knew it wasn’t safe to open a link from unknown sender, however, it was Google Drive, so the girl doubted it was just spam already. Y/N was too intrigued – and not in a good way, so she took the risk. 

The girl saw few dated folders, the most recent one was created last week. Just like she suspected, there were photos inside – Calum, hanging out with some ginger girl. The stranger was clearly older than Y/N, but looked good, she though. Y/N couldn’t find anything provocative, however, by the look of it, those two clearly had a good time together, laughing and even cuddling each other. 

"Here you are! Are you hiding from someone? I barely found you."

Y/N looked up and saw Calum standing in front of her, holding two cocktails in both hands. The girl didn’t even have powers to give Cal at least a short smile. She stood up and took the glass, placing her phone in his palm. Confused, Cal glanced at the screen.

"What is it?" Y/N, drinking the cocktail through a straw, could see how the boyfriend’s face changed, slowly. "This is… This is not what you think," she almost chocked at such a banal phrase. "Where did you get this? Did you follow me?"

The irritation and panic was written on his face, and Y/N started to feel sick of Cal all of a sudden. The girl took her phone back roughly, fighting with a desire to splash the drink on his face. 

"Y/N…"

"Unknown admire sent it to me," she finally replied, looking at his eyes and still not being able to believe that a person who she trusted the most failed her like that, lied to her. "Why, Calum? You could just tell me if you didn’t feel the same anymore, why to play this game?" the girl couldn’t tell if she was hurt or simply disappointed. Y/N thought they were not just a boyfriend and girlfriend. It always felt like there was something more than that, they were both friends and lovers. A little family in their own world.

"It’s not a game. Look, I didn’t cheat on you."

"Yet?"

Cal sighed heavily and looked up at the ceiling.

"Do we really gotta do this now? Right here, with all your friends around?" he asked, hoping to make her come to the senses, however, those questions made Y/N nothing, but angry. 

"How dare you to ask me this, like it’s not important?"

"Because it’s not!" Calum snapped, leaving his glass on a tray of a passing by waiter, Y/N did the same. "These photos… It’s not… What it is."

"Then what is it? Sneaking out at nights, hugging her? Do I look like an idiot?"

"Look I can’t tell you, but––"

"Unbelievable," Y/N laughed shorty, but she wasn’t really having fun at that moment. The girl headed to the exit of the room, feeling like she couldn’t stay there any longer.

"Please, don’t go," he almost whispered, tiredly, and hurried up to follow her. "Y/N! You can’t just leave, all our friends are here, let’s not do it now."

"I’m sorry, but this is more important to me now. You can stay, as I already understood that seeing someone else isn’t a big deal to you," the girl smirked, calling a taxi.

"I’m not seeing anyone," Calum repeated, even though he knew how it all sounded, when Y/N literally had photos, proving a completely different thing. 

"You keep telling me this, but you don’t explain what it is then," the girl said, grinning sadly. "Before lying you needed to come up with a truthful story, Calum," she smirked and got into a car.

The musician followed her, as he couldn’t just leave the girl like that. Cal had no idea how to explain himself; he was very mad at the person, who leaked those photos. Calum obviously didn’t know that someone was taking pictures of him, otherwise he’d be more careful. However, at that particular moment the guy didn’t care as much about the photos going public, – after all, it was only a matter of time when they’d be all over the Internet – as about his relationship with Y/N. Calum knew he messed up, but it didn’t mean he couldn’t fix it. 

The way home was accompanied by silence. Y/N had a lot to process. She couldn’t forgive him cheating, and even though the answer was obvious, everything wasn’t as simple as the girl hoped. Despite a clear disappointment in their relationship and even some hate towards Cal, she still loved him. Y/N couldn’t imagine her life without him. The girl thought everything was alright between them. Was is it all really a lie? Was it her fault? Why was Cal seeking a company of someone else?..

By the end of the ride she was so tired of her own thoughts that all what Y/N wanted was to go to bed and wake up happy again. The girl knew it was doubtfully possible to hide from the bitter reality, but she was not ready for another drama that evening.

However, when Y/N went to their bedroom, Calum was not planning to leave it like that.

"Just an hour ago you wanted to talk, so let’s talk," he chuckled, watching Y/N taking off her heels and going to bed. "We aren’t going to bed until we talk about it," Cal said though his teeth, feeling a wave of anger spreading all over his body.

"I don’t have powers to talk about it anymore," the girl replied calmly, covering herself with a blanket. "You should be happy, you’ll have more time to come up with an excuse," she smiled sadly.

"Y/N, I didn’t cheat on you. And I’m not seeing anyone but you," Cal said coldly, taking a seat on the edge of their bed, so he could look in the girl’s eyes. "I swear to you. I love you."

"Then who is it?" Y/N echoed. She wanted to believe Calum, she desperately wanted to believe him, but he wasn’t making it particularly easy. "Are you saying those photos were fake? A photoshop? At the days when you were coming home late because you had night photoshoots with a band? You know, I trusted you, I didn’t even have any doubts, didn’t have a thought to call guys and ask if it was true. I trusted you," Y/N repeated. The tears were stuck somewhere, and the eyes were still dry. She felt simply empty.

"The photos are real," Calum admitted, as there was no point to lie anymore. "But those meeting weren’t dates."

"Give me your phone," Y/N whispered, realising the guy didn’t confirm that he had night shooting sessions with the band. Because he didn’t have them, apparently.

"I can’t…" he whispered back, not looking at her anymore.

"Calum," the girl swallowed, staring at Cal, who seemed like a lost kitten. "Give me your phone," her voice trembled, but she insisted.

The guy looked up and slowly took the phone out from a pocket of his jacket. He hesitated, but Y/N snatched it from his palm immediately.

"Why can’t you just believe me?" the musician chuckled sadly, watching her entering the password – it was her birthday. The password on her phone was his birthday, they did it as a joke, but both kept it in the end.

"Would you believe me?" Y/N asked, opening chats and scrolling his messages, trying to find a familiar face. Cal had a weird obsession with having profile pictures for all his contacts. Funny, but the girl even hoped that the contact she was looking for wouldn’t be there or would remain without a picture. However, Y/N didn’t even need to scroll that far to see an image of that ginger girl.

Opening chat, Y/N saw some photos the stranger was sending Calum. They were sketches of a ring. There were different kinds, Cal’s replies were mostly short as "I like the first variant better" and "can we try it with a blue stone?". They discussed time of their meetings, and Cal would apologise they’d have to meet that late again, explaining it with his crazy working schedule and "too smart girlfriend".

"What is it?" Y/N whispered and looked up at Calum. The guy didn’t move from his place and was watching her every move, while she was reading the messages and checking the photos.

"How do you think?" Cal asked, and it was his time to be disappointed. He wanted it to be a surprise. "That girl is a jewellery designer," he took his phone back roughly, switching off the screen. "I couldn’t find anything in stores, so I contacted someone I knew . We met just few times, and only because I needed to see work in progress with my own eyes. It’s not that easy just by a picture or a sketch, you know," the guy sighed and stood up.

"Calum," Y/N sobbed, feeling like an idiot. She was blaming herself at that moment, however, the reaction the girl had before was rather understandable, too; besides, Cal couldn’t normally explain himself. But how could he? Again, he wanted it to be a surprise.

"I’ll sleep in a couch today, I guess," the musician chuckled sadly, putting the phone back to his pocket. Calum was staring at Y/N’s face, knowing that it wasn’t just her fault, but both of them. And that idiot, who leaked the photos at first place.

"Look, I’m sorry, I thought––"

"I know," Cal interrupted. "But next time trust me what I say."

Y/N jumped off the bed and brushed tears from the face, once Calum left the room.

"Trust you?" she outraged, getting mad that the guy behaved that way. Sure, Y/N messed up, too, but she had her reasons. "You’d react completely the same way if you were on my place, Calum!" the girl caught his hand, so Cal turned around. "It’s not fair. I apologised, I know you wanted to make a surprise, and it’s… it’s such a wonderful surprise, but you can’t tell it’s my fault only! I didn’t believe at first, but what could I do?"

"I know," Cal sighed, cooling off rather quickly, and pressed the girl against his body, cuddling Y/N softly. "I’m sorry," he closed the eyes for a moment. "I just got so upset that my surprise was ruined. It was such a long journey, and you found out like that. Accusing me as well," the guy left a short kiss on her soft cheek. "I love you. Y/N. I’d never cheat on you. You do realise I want you to be my wife?" Calum chuckled, and the smile was sincere.

"Now I do," the girl smiled a bit, still feeling a bit sad that she reacted like that and ruined the surprise. "I love you, too, Calum," the girl said and stood on her toes to kiss the musician on his lips.

"Does it mean you’ll marry me?" he asked through the kiss.

"It does," she cuddled Cal’s neck, once he took her on his arms.

"Y/N Hood, sounds good, huh?" The guys touched her nose with his and then laughed all of a sudden.

"Hey, what are you laughing at?"

"I’m just thinking that this could happen only to us, really," Cal sighed, smiling, and kissed Y/N again. "You know, I gotta admit, you’re extremely hot, when you’re angry. Even though you behaved like a brat."

"Uh, only I did?" the girl squinted, so the musician hurried up to apologise with a short kiss on her neck.

Apparently, that evening they both would never forget for several reasons.

taglist: @dgrangaa, @gracieboogirl

– gifs aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner, found them here @ghost-of-you – 

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

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[suekreandtheidiots]

Teenage Squad

Any time I get into Hallie and Lance's teenage saga, it probably appears like it was only the two of them plus their friend Cal, but that wasn't at all the case - many others shaped their young lives and I actually have quite a bunch of their classmates on my mind with whom they 'ruled the school' together.

Some of them are these lads. This is just a noseless doodle but I still think they're cute. 😂 They are on their post graduation vacation here. Lance had plans to come with them but once it was certain that his pa would not survive the Summer of 2006, he dropped out and stayed home.

I mentioned Cal here and there already. His full name is Calum Hamish Fitzgibbons (*November 6th 1987) and he was a nice kid, actually. A teenager of his time, with the appropriate brush of occasional overconfidence, because he had the looks and the wit. A lot of his peers just looked up to him... literally, because at sixteen, Cal was already 6'4 ft tall (topped out at 6'7 ft). Cal wasn't bad, he was just spoiled. His parents are quite wealthy and he was used to getting whatever he wanted, without having to put in any effort. That being said, when he was pining for Hallie, he kinda just expected that she would see the light one day, but he never dared to make an actual move to win her over. Partly because he didn't see the necessity, and also because romantic feelings for a friend are an awkward thing sometimes. When she didn't just fall for him like he had hoped, and even picked his best friend over him during his absence, he was raging for several reasons. Being a bad person isn't one of them... but a male (teenage) ego is often a fragile one.

Mark McGrath (*February 7th 1987) had to repeat 8th grade and somehow started hanging out with the cool kids of the year. Mark was a cool, calm and collected fella, never as loud and obnoxious as others, but well, how do they say? Still waters run deep. Mark was the one to ask for "special favours", such as getting weed/speed/acid/whatnot. Mark knew everyone and everything. Mark was the guy one would call if they had to get rid of a body. Mark never judged. Mark just did what had to be done. Mark was... remarkable. There is not much else to say, actually... which is kinda due to the fact that not even his closer friends ever got to know him on a super deep level and just enjoyed hanging out with the easygoing guy he was.

Timothy "Tim" Irvine (*March 3rd 1988) was the good soul of the gang. Very outspoken, not shy to voice his opinions, but where others of the same age just blurted out with whatever came to their minds at the moment, Tim actually thought about what he said. True friend material, always eager to understand both sides in an argument and staying respectful, even when mad. Didn't love what Lance did behind Cal's back while they were away on vacation, but was very willing to cut his friend some slack. Was definitely not okay with the way Cal, Fozzy and Mark wanted to pay Lance back and had a little fall out with them as well. Last person of the former gang that Lance sent a message to ("I'm alright, thanks. Take care, mate!"), after the blow up, and before they all went their separate ways in late Summer 2006.

It's hard to sum up Lowell "Fozzy" Foster (* September 17th 1987) in just a few sentences... he was an experience. Not at all a bad kid either, but... well, let's just say that Fozzy's loyalty and integrity had limits, namely any time he sensed that there could be something in for him, when there was a lass he liked involved... or when doing the right thing was simply too much of a hassle. Aside from all this, Fozzy was a music freak, too, which is what always brought him and Lance back together, despite their quarrels. In the end, Fozzy enjoyed being with his friends most... even if he should've had looked up a thing or two about what friendship actually means, but well. They had all been young and dumb after all.

[lovesosweeet]

better left unsaid // cth

chapter twenty one

in which orion has leukemia, and calum doesn’t know.

calum hood x fem!oc

read other chapters

august 29, 2018 uncasville, connecticut calum 

I don’t know what it is, but there’s something strange about being away from Orion for this long. It’s almost been a month, and we still talk almost every day. I know I can’t expect for things to feel all that normal. I left her alone in LA. She has a life there. I’m busy, touring with the band.

I think days like today are when I feel it the most. We’re in a random ass city in New England. We have a show tonight, but today we aren’t doing press, and there’s not exactly a lot to do in Connecticut. It’s just another day with the boys, whom I love dearly, but don’t exactly have a lot of fresh topics to talk to them about. 

At least it felt okay to sleep in this morning. A lot of days it feels like a waste of being in a cool city or a waste of being close to family to sleep in, but in Uncasville, Connecticut, sleeping until 11 feels like an appropriate start to the day. 

I wake up to a few texts from Orion, which is unsurprising but always good to see. 

From: my love + stars good morning hi hello i couldn’t sleep last night i am zombie today running on hella coffee i think duke misses you he keeps going into your studio and pacing around it’s so sad do you think he can come to the venue in san diego? omg i can get him a little shirt that says “i <3 5sos” can you imagine if i do that you have to post it to your story so the fans can see they would die hope you have so much fun in the fantastic town of uncasville today!!!!

To: my love + stars it’s always a good morning when i can hear from you! very good morning to you my very beautiful girlfriend my favorite zombie you can eat my brains if you want send me duke pics rn i miss him too please bring him!!!! i’m pretty sure dogs are allowed. i will riot if not. yknow you could post it yourself. just make your profile public ya silly goose. the fans love you now.

From: my love + stars cal if you ever don’t hear from me in the morning you need to call the cops i will always say hi asap i will eat your brains first look how cute dukey is!!!!!!! Images attached (3) they occasionally tOleRaTE me NOW. the tables could turn at any time.

To: my love + stars i will never call the cops on you you can do no wrong even if you eat my brains don’t tell duke’s mom but i think i miss my son more than i miss his mom (I AM KIDDING I PROMISE) literally the only reason the tables would turn is if you were a shitty person and you’re the best person i know so you’re good of course only go public if you want but just sayin the world would be a better place if everyone could see your beautiful sunset selfies

From: my love + stars somebody call 911 shawty’s lying to me on the dance flo it’s ok if you miss duke more than me i am not offended i swear you know i won’t go public i just don’t need that chaos in my life i love quietly lurking on stan twitter from my burner account

To: my love + stars i am not lying i miss you more than i have ever missed anyone duke is close second dw it could be a rush to go public for a day and then go back private see what happens

From: my love + stars stop you’re gonna make me cry in the club rn it would be not fun cal you know this i’d get a bunch of DIE BITCH I COULD TAKE UR MAN IF I WANT TO YOU’RE SO UGLY and maybe a sprinkle of wow you’re kinda cool sometimes

I’m not sure how long it’s been that Orion and I are just sitting here texting each other back and forth until Ashton is giggling across the room at me.

“What are you making all those faces for, Cal?” He asks.

I flip him off. “Just texting Orion.”

“Oooh, what are you guys talking about?” Luke walks in the room, a banana in hand and Sierra trailing behind him carrying a Starbucks cup. 

I roll my eyes. “Not that it’s any of your business, but I was just telling her she should make her Instagram public, and she thinks it’d just open up a door for death threats.”

“The fans like her now, don’t they?” Luke asks. He plops down on the couch next to me, and Sierra sits on his right side. He looks around the room at all of us, searching for confirmation.

“She always gets love when I post a picture with her in it,” Ashton confirms. 

It’s no secret that I’m not exactly an active user on any social media, so even though I have millions of photos of me and Orion, I don’t share them much. That’s both due to my personal social media habits and Orion’s wishes to keep her presence on my social media to a minimum. It’s kind of like her rule for flowers — only for special occasions. 

Ashton, on the other hand, posts a few photos at a time to his story and feed pretty regularly, and more often than not, if there’s a group picture, Orion is in it. He’s also the only one that really hangs out with Orion on her own regularly, so naturally they have more photos of the two of them. That said, if she’s only getting positive comments on Ashton’s posts, I’m sure she’d get positive reactions if she shared her own.

“I’m not saying she should or shouldn’t,” Sierra starts. “But I definitely get why she doesn’t want a public profile.”

“I mean, to be fair, a lot of what she posts is of you guys,” Luke adds. He’s not wrong. Because her profile is private and she can pick and choose who follows her, she feels fine to post whatever she wants, and that means posting a lot of pictures with me, of me, and of Duke. “She definitely wouldn’t want to do that if she went public.”

I sigh, knowing that Sierra and Luke are probably right, and Orion is too, even if she’s not completely accurate with what would actually happen if she made her profile public. I decide to drop it. 

“Where’s that Starbucks at?” I decide to ask, changing the subject. I nod at Sierra’s coffee cup in her hand. 

With the address in hand, I head off to find someone to drive me to the Starbucks and go back to texting Orion. 

To: my love + stars it’s pretty early to be in the club but still don’t cry just a little over a month. we’ve got this!! only go public if you want. i support you regardless and happy to be bad cop and defend you in your comments if you needed

From: my love + stars a 2018 shakespearean level romance defending me in an IG comment section i’m a lucky girl

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a/n: fillery chapter ik. but still plantin a seed for something later on. i posted this poll but also feel free to drop a comment on your wishes on this post too pls n thx.

[sumtypeofluver]

TW: Smoking, Drinking , Cursing

and I think I love you, and I hate it

- Calum had a solemn piece of mind, nothing more nothing less. What he was doing in his life was what he deserved, always nothing more and nothing less , until her. But what was he doing with this, he knew this was risky ever since she came into his life, she made him feel more defenseless and feel like he has a purpose more than what he already is doing. There were these walls that were crumbling down and that scared him, and hell he watched them burn and crumble while feeling her hands caress him, because ‘she is the one’ that one voice calls out to him in the back of his head. But did he really want to settle down and have that fear of never getting back up because he let someone in to destroy him from the inside out ? He couldn’t, right? It’ll defeat his purpose.

Cal quickly snapped out of his thoughts as soon as he heard the sliding door onto the balcony shut and directed his gaze back to Ashton on the screen with the other two boys.

Y/N let a small sigh escape her lips as she stepped out onto the small space outdoors , tugging at the bottom of the worn out hoodie as she sits on the chair and tucks her feet under her. She lit the cigarette, oh the bitter feeling of anxiety and smoke intoxicating her, watching the rain fall. She doesn’t know what to do, For the first time in two years she allowed herself to stick around with a guy, and not just a random guy, someone she found comfort in, someone she couldn’t resist herself from who never exactly hurt her , but she knows something all to well, Love is one HELL of a trip. “What the fuck am I doing” she said to herself.

Everything just kind of happened , some how or another they met at a downtown bar, had drinks and slept together but both seemed to feel some type of way and now calum practically moved all his stuff into her apartment. Her past trauma has never been touched on except for once in a while they’ll open up to eachother and she’ll have her almost routine-like story . And Calum feels for her , but he doesn’t know how to heal her from it so he does the best he can but sometimes he goes distant and does not talk to her and acts so cold towards her, even when they see eachother every damn day.

Cal closed his laptop as he was done for the evening and looked out the window, ‘another rainy day’ , reminds him of the night before when he saw her crying to him about this whole situation, she was crying, he felt his heart ache and the conversation went as he remembered:

“Why can’t you just tell me what’s going on, I thought maybe by now we’d have it figured it out but no i’ve been getting dragged along for MONTHS” she screamed as tears fell down her face

“y/n, when you’re screaming I can’t have a rational conversation with you, Jesus, I thought what we have is perfectly fine and it hasn’t been a problem up until this WEEK”

“No Calum, I am having a rational conversation with you, when you think back I have no idea where I even stand with you, all this time I just want to know what we are , what this is”, she sniffled, “I just want a clear sight of where this is going and I want to know if I should stick around or not, with you , but I guess I’ll leave you alone, per usual “ .Pure malice laced her words as she wiped her tears and left the room they were in, leaving Calum to fill up with regret from his words.

Y/N left the balcony, walking inside and going to the fridge to grab a bottle of liquor, and sits on the couch as she eyes calum walking down the stairs and motions for him to sit next to her on the couch, cal sits by her and looks at her, studying her for a minute and sits

“Hey” he says ,

“Hi…, how was the meeting “

“Ah you know the same as always, the boys are all antsy about the upcoming album, but they’re all going to *said club you and cal met in * tonight, I -“

“Oh, so you going to go with them.?” She asked and pang of hurt rushed through her as this is was typical between them to whenever a big argument happened he’d make up some excuse to go out, and took a drink out of the bottle.

Cal looked at her “actually, no I was planning on staying in with you, y/n. I actually missed having a night in with you”

And that was the start to a night filled with honesty.

As the bottle became half way empty, and a heartfelt conversation later, Y/N moved closer to calum, legs touching as she played with the hems of his hoodie..

Calum sits there looking at her , chewing on his lip, the look in her eyes look like she’s definitely been contemplating something, and oh god the look on her face definitely looks alarming , he doesn’t know what to expect .

“Cal..” . Y/n says looking at him as she props herself up against, chest on chest while his heart beating out of his chest , ‘what the hell’ his mind keeps screaming.

“These last couple months have been a lot for us, and you know something, all the hooking up and staying up til ungodly hours, all the late nigjt car rides, I used to think this was just something temporary because everything seems to be that way, but I been thinking about something very, very heavily and-“

She takes a deep breath, moves near his lips as the anticipation is killing him, she whispers

“ and I think I love you and I hate it”

Thanks for reading !!! I know this isn’t my best but I’ve had ideas for little prompts and fanfiction and I wanted to try actually creating, :)

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Fic Titles Named After Food Masterlist

Birthday Cake (ao3) - im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance luke/calum E, 2k

Summary: Birfffday Cake

It’s Luke’s birthday and Calum decides to make it special.

burnt eggs & broken promises (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember luke/ashton G, 4k

Summary: “…So after a month or two of getting hounded by people, I may or may not have invented a fictional boyfriend.”

Luke glanced up at Ashton with worried blue eyes, as if he was expecting to be berated for lying. Instead, Ashton shrugged. “I can see why.”

or,

Ashton’s always found his roommate, Luke, nothing but aggravating, but when they make a deal where Ashton has to pretend to be Luke’s boyfriend for a night, his opinion starts to shift slightly…

Cake By The Ocean (ao3) - HPFangirl71 luke/calum E, 1k

Summary: Just the boys having fun in Bali......

I was sort of inspired by the DNCE song but only in the fact that it inspired the title and the premise of our ship Cake having sex by the ocean. lol Its basically just a reason for more Cake smut!!

cake topics (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum E, 39k

Summary: Every morning that week, Calum goes back to the bakery, collects his lemon bar, and sets up on the terrace with his laptop.

And every morning that week, he sees the tall guy with off duty model vibes, right around the same time, always carrying his iced coffee, always wearing a leather jacket. Since he’s all the way across the street, Calum doesn’t really get a good look at him beyond basic shapes, so the off duty model thing is based entirely on his build and the fact that he looks sort of effortlessly put together with his leather jacket and casual sneakers.

That’s probably why Calum waves like a maniac and blurts, “Hey buddy!” when he comes face to face with the guy when he’s in line for his lemon bar the following Monday morning.

Candy Cane Lane (ao3) - HeartbreakAshton94 luke/calum G, 270

Summary: Luke has never been to Candy Cane Lane, so Calum takes him there this year.

Candy Canes (ao3) - orphan_account luke/ashton E, 1k

Summary: In which Ashton is a tease and Luke gets his own back.

or

Ashton teases Luke by sucking on a candy cane, and Luke has a better idea of where to put it.

carrot correspondence (ao3) - galacticsugar, kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum T, 15k

Summary: His eyes. Calum is losing seconds if not weeks looking at them. They’re a little heavy and a lot hazy, framed with such ridiculously long lashes, and they glitter and shine at Calum as he pauses, with his lips already half turned up like he’s prepared to be delighted at any of Calum’s answers.

Calum entertains an errant passing thought about whether the bride would be willing to go for a gold glitter dusting on top of the piped flower design for the godforsaken carrot cake and—

The fucking carrot cake. Fuck.

Cherry Stained Lips (ao3) - Rainbow711 calum/ashton M, 1k

Summary: Cal and Ash want to make each other fall apart, Cal has a plan.

cups of coffee (ao3) - jasperdillon michael/luke G, 697

Summary: sometimes luke’s internal monologue leaves his mouth without his permission and sometimes it turns out good. this is one of those times

Dripping like Honey (ao3) - FayeHunter michael/luke E, 8k

Summary: Michael can’t seem to escape Luke and her wild ideas. She doesn’t really want to

Grapes (ao3) - im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance michael/luke E, 3k

Summary: Luke was bored and when he found an interesting package, he could not help his curiosity; he wanted to see what laid inside. Oddly enough, he wanted to use what was inside. Luke was horny in L.A, Michael was horny in Sydney and it just happened.

I’m Going Blind from this Sweet Craving (ao3) - kaleidoscopeminds luke/calum T, 6k

Summary: “Bye, Luke,” Calum says. “Maybe see you tomorrow, and… Hope you have a great day too.” His face breaks out into a wider smile that reminds Luke of the feeling of getting just the right consistency for macaron batter, or a perfectly smooth finish on a cake, or the way good puff pastry flakes into the perfect fragments when you cut through a mille-feuille. Or something.

-

A bakery au

I think I like you… even more than your cinnamon rolls! (ao3) - FernandaLC luke/ashton, michael/calum G, 1k

Summary: Luke has been working in the bakery for one year. He really likes his job, he really enjoyed it. He dedicate three days on the week to make his cinnamon rolls. Everybody loves them. If that place was famous is for those delicious rolls. The blonde has been hearing comments of other people about his recipe, but one in particular, from a curly and handsome boy, makes him feel really happy.

no tempest in the tea (ao3) - kingscrossinseptember luke/calum T, 1k

Summary: Ever since Calum found out that Luke had been cheating on him for a significant amount of time, Luke has never tried to lie or make excuses. It’s just a fact. The sun is bright, the sky is blue, and Luke has been sleeping with another person regularly for the past six months.

Of Cherry Blossom And Chinese Food (ao3) - Juliaenerys luke/calum E, 12k

Summary: Luke and Calum have a big fight and it turns into something else, which they hadn't planned.

Popsicle (ao3) - im_just_a_sucker_for_bromance luke/ashton E, 4k

Summary: When Ashton proudly stated that he did not beg, Luke takes it as a challenge. He was going to make sure to make Ashton change his mind, however long it would take or to what extent he would have to go.

Sugar With the Sweet Talk (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/ashton G, 1k

Summary: Luke’s hands are shaking as he carefully pipes frosting onto a three-tier s’mores cake. It’s for Michael’s birthday, and Luke wants it to be perfect. Michael may be a troublemaker and a pain in Luke’s ass, but he deserves a perfect birthday cake for taking care of Petunia while Luke was filming Bake Off.

Waiting for Pizza (ao3) - Nichole_Fanfics michael/calum N/R, 1k

Summary: Michael and Calum are just waiting for their pizza. It's not their fault they decide to pass the time by fucking.

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: chapter seven!

Warnings: mentions of death

Milly’s POV:

After a full night of sleep with Calum next to me, I woke up the next morning, pretty relaxed. With the soft smell of vanilla, probably still from the scented candles we put on yesterday, I got out of the cuddly bed after noticing that Calum wasn’t next to me anymore. Every once a week, he gets up before me, carefully, so he doesn’t wake me up, and prepares breakfast with the things I love the most: pancakes, breakfast tea (yes, I am a full brit when it’s about that), honey, peanut butter and fresh fruits. It is a tradition we picked up from Calums mum, who did it for him and his sister when they were little. I, sadly, never got to experience that since my mum had to work a lot during mine, Louis' and Félicité's childhood. When we were older, we sometimes tried doing it for the younger kids, but 3 to 4 teenagers (ages 14-17) in a kitchen is not working out in the slightest. You simply couldn’t call the pancakes pancakes because they were burnt half of the time. But we had fun doing it and it helped keeping the mood up in the rainy Doncaster.

As soon as I stepped out of the bedroom door, I already heard Calum moving and working in the kitchen. When he saw me entering the room, he gave me a sweet smile and I myself felt like the honey he put on the table at that moment. How can someone be that perfect?

"Good morning beautiful!" He greeted me and gave a quick kiss on the cheek while carefully turning around the delicious looking pancakes in the pan.

"Morning, thanks for doing all this." I said, not really knowing how to thank him for all the extra work he does, just for me.

"Oh, no need to thank me, I love making you happy!" My Calum. He’s simply the best. "Come on, sit down princess, I'll do the work today!"

————————————

After the long but definitely good breakfast, me and Cal spent some time talking about upcoming events.

"We’re putting together a tour list at the moment. Should I show it to you, so you can think about coming to some of them?" Calum knew, I‘d love to just come with the boys on tour, but my job of course didn’t allow me a break of 6 months, so I‘m always very involved in the tour planning with the boys, to get to see them at least 3 times.

"Yes, I'd love that. By the way, how’s the album, how many songs do you have?" Calum and I are both very introverted and private about our job life, so even though we understand each other blind, we mostly don’t really have that much knowledge about one another’s job.

"We got around 5 songs where we are pretty sure, we’re gonna put them on the album they’re simply amazing." He sighed. "But other than that, we seem to have a lack of inspiration at the moment. All of us." It felt good to have a complete platonic talk with him, not even wasting a single thought about the whole googling-the-names thing because if I'm being honest I am kind of scared about that. I'd rather just not do it and pretend it isn’t even there.

Before I could answer Calum, we heard the doorbell ring. We looked at each other. "Did the boys say, they want to come today?" I whispered at Calum. He just shook his head as a response.

Slowly making my way to the door, I wondered who'd have the idea to visit us at a Tuesday morning at 10 am. Opening the door, the familiar face of an irish person, wearing one of his beloved cardigans in a soft baby blue and his strong accent when he said:

"Missed me?" Made me jump into his arms, screaming because of how happy I was to finally get the chance to see my best friend again.

"Nialler!! I missed you so much!"

Me and Niall definitely do have some history. As soon as Louis got put into 1D and the five lads started to hang out more, I of course also met them, shortly before I went to Australia for the exchange year, and immediately became best friend with Niall. You know, these weird people where you think, they have to be dating because they act so couple-like, but are actually just best friends? Yeah, that’s us. I remember having a very exhausting 30-minutes talk with Louis just because he was convinced I was hiding the fact from him that I was dating his friend Niall (which I‘d never even dare to do, he would’ve killed me) and then couldn’t believe we literally were JUST friends.

I really hope no one ever finds these chaotic photos from 2013 on my phone where I was on tour with them. Me and Niall used to cause so many problems and make the most chaotic things ever, but it was the best time of my life, even now.

"Why are you here though?" I asked after letting go of him. He looked at me with a huge grin on his face, showing he loves being with me as much as I do.

"I haven’t seen y'all in too long and since I do not have anything to do at the moment, I thought why not visit my bestie and her Australian boyfriend in this little city called Adelaide." Calum approached us from behind laying his arm around my shoulder.

"Not to mention that we just talked yesterday." He said, earning a confused look from me.

"I sent him songs." Calum informed me. I pouted.

"I didn’t even got to hear them, but you are showing them to my bestie?“ I asked. Niall simply couldn’t stop laughing, he wasn’t used to the daily banter me and Calum had whenever other people were around since he wasn’t visiting us that often, mostly also busy with touring, songwriting and promoting new stuff.

But that only made me even happier he was there right now.

"Come inside!“ I said to him, stepping away from the doorstep, to let him in our house.

The break I took from work, originally for other reasons, was the best idea ever. I got to catch up with Niall and we talked about the last year that we haven’t seen each other. Currently, all of my musician friends - which are basically all of my friends - are working on albums and preparing a world tour, also including Niall. He’s writing songs, already played some for me, and is gonna call his second album 'Heartbreak Weather' because of his breakup last summer, his songs representing his feelings to different times during the relationship.

"And how are you?" He asked me, after he literally talked for over 1 and a half hours about himself and how he’s doing. But I totally appreciated it, catching up with my friends, especially with him, was something I always enjoyed.

"I'm… good." I said, not sure, if I'd upset another important person in my life with breaking the current news to him. So that sentence seemed to describe my current state pretty perfectly.

Niall raised his eyebrows, immediately seeing through my lie, simply debating if he should say something about it. He decided to just let me go with it right now.

"Okay, that’s amazing!" In this moment, Calum entered the living room again, sitting down exactly in the same spot as yesterday when I came home and had that horrible conversation with Lou. For a moment, I couldn’t focus on what the two of them were talking about. I got lost in my thoughts, having a flashback from yesterday, how Cal comforted me, understanding how much Louis words hurt me. Is Louis okay now? Is he still angry? I stared at the spot on the comfy couch and stopped breathing for a second.

"Milly?" Calum said, waving both of his hands in front of my face.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" I responded, snapping out of the weird situation I was in seconds ago. I was completely unsure and also scared what just happened, it felt like, someone held me underwater and I couldn’t break out of it.

Both of the men looked at me with a both worried and concerned look in their face.

"Are you okay? You are really pale." Calum said, softly placing his warm hand on my shoulder. Was there fear in his eyes?

"I'm not feeling so good right now, I’m gonna go upstairs for a bit." Seeing the worried look Calum gave me as he let me go, I added: "Don’t worry, I just forgot to take my medicine this morning." Which was the truth, I indeed forgot to take my pills to make sure my blood pressure stays okay and I don’t faint all of a sudden, but I never got this weird feeling from not taking them.

Cal's POV:

Of course he was worried when he saw her go up the stairs in a very slow pace, also scared she’s gonna faint on the stairs. But Niall asked him a way more important question in the mean time, he couldn’t seem to ignore.

"Why are both of you acting so strange? Please don’t tell me it’s nothing, I know there is something going on."

As much as he felt like ignoring this would be the best idea, his inner voice didn’t stop telling him that if he’d talk to Niall about Milly’s father’s death, everything will get a little easier, he won’t have to handle the whole situation and his knowledge completely on his own. Someone else would know.

"Milly is searching for her biological parents." All of the color in Nialls face who was sitting right beside him, suddenly vanished and he nearly got as pale as Milly was before she went upstairs.

"Oh no…. How is Louis?" Niall seemed to know that he doesn’t have to worry about his best friend, Calum would take care of her. But he knew Louis better than anyone else, he’s too protective to just not care.

"He and Milly had a fight on the phone yesterday, she was away for 8 hours and forgot to answer her phone while visiting the empty house of her biological parents." Calum explained the poor situation between the two siblings. He continued telling him about everything else Milly went through yesterday, not leaving out a single detail, and Niall got more and more uncomfortable on the sofa. When he finished a awkward silences stood between them, like a wall was built up in the middle of the sofa, Niall being the first to break it.

"And you? You seem to deal with something too." Calum definitely was surprised Niall also noticed that, since Calum tried hiding it pretty successfully in front of Milly, as much as he could tell.

"Well…" He tried thinking about a more gentle way of explaining his misery to Niall, but didn’t get a single idea. "I googled their names. I know I shouldn’t have done that since Milly basically forbid me to do anything without her consent, but I just need to protect her you know?" He took a deep breath before continuing.

"I found a obituary. And-" His voice cracked, he didn’t know how to finish this sentence, why he even started it in the first place.

Niall placed both of his hands on Calum shoulders.

"What happened?" Calum could easily spot the fear in Nialls tone.

"And it said that her father died right before her birth, that’s probably why she was adopted." He finally said it out loud. How relieved he felt. He finally got to say it.

But Niall obviously wasn’t very happy about that piece of information.

"He’s dead?" He asked one more time, getting a little nod from Calum. Milly really didn’t deserve this. She is such an amazing girl who is already dealing with so much in her life, death sadly being an important part of it. He'd love to just hide it from her for forever and make sure she never finds out, just to protect her.

"You have to tell her." Niall then said, much to Calum’s surprise.

"But Niall, do you understand this? He died, Milly maybe won't recover from another death in her family!" He tried explaining it to his old friend with a desperate tone in his voice.

"But what do you think will she do if she finds out, he boyfriend knew all along? Be happy that you tried 'protecting' her? She’s not gonna appreciate your concern for her, not this time Calum!" He got louder and louder, causing Calum to bring more space between them by sitting back a bit. He knew, Niall was right, he already felt it last night that his decision isn’t the best. But something in Calum still made him believe that this is the best way of dealing with the current situation.

[ro-writesstuff]

Hey, so I have a prompt for you! Totally get it if you're uncomfterble with writing it so no pressure!

Was wondering if you could write a 5sos fanfic where one of them self-harms and the others one by one experience different situations where he is acting weird and suspicious and they talk about it and figure out he self harms and talk to him about it

I'm Trying

a/n: if you are struggling with anything in this realm, please please ask for help! also, i am not trying to romanticize or desensitize this subject. please skip over if this is triggering for you, thank you.

summary: calum self-harms and the boys find out.

pairing: 5sos

warnings: self-harm, mentions of blood, depression/anxiety, slight cursing.

word count: 2286

again, if this is triggering for you, i HIGHLY encourage you to skip over this piece.

not my gif!

Being a musician was difficult. Especially when he had a crowd of more than 20,000 people staring at him. Their eyes glaring at him eagerly and analyzing his movements, watching every single thing he did. 

Calum loved playing the bass and had dreams of one day making it onstage in front of a crowd. From what seemed like endless nights and early mornings, Calum, Luke, Ashton and Michael had finally landed a record deal. It took a lot of hard work, but eventually he and his bandmates got to a point of success and played wherever they could. 

At first it was all fun; interview games, traveling the world, and hanging out with people he loved. Calum just wanted to play bass and spend time with the people he felt the most at ease with: Luke, Ashton, and Michael.

However, over the years it turned into more of a hassle for him. Calum started getting little panicked moments on stage, which was something he could get under control. The next few years were like that, him attempting to speak during a talk break, but only feeling his pounding heart and the thousands of eyes that watched him as he tried to formulate the sentence he wanted. The little voice in his head would surely criticize him for the embarrassing moments onstage, reminding him of his voice cracks and award transitions back to the show. Unfortunately, these moments turned into full-blown panic attacks onstage, which sometimes prompted him to jog offstage and gather himself for a moment.

Calum had known himself and what made him anxious, but he never thought it would be the thing he loved. He always brushed off the idea of his anxiety stemming from music, since that was often the one thing that kept him going. Lately though, it seemed to him that the reason behind his anxiousness and worry was music. 

~

Ashton came home to the guys’ shared apartment, throwing his keys on the kitchen counter as Duke ran up to greet him. The house was still, since Michael and Luke had gone to the studio to work out a song idea they had. Ashton knew Calum was home, so he went looking for him. 

“Cal?”

Ashton leapt up the steps, peaking through the Calum’s doorway noticing Calum holding something shiny. He couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but it was small enough for Calum to hold in between his thumb and pointer finger. Calum was hunched over the side of the bed facing the wall, a sight Ashton had never seen before. 

“Cal, are you good?” He said, softer. 

Calum jumped. Fuck, he definitely saw the blade. Shit. He quickly slid it into his pocket, praying to God that Ash didn’t see it. He shoved his face into his hands pretending to have a mental breakdown. He wasn’t far from it; they happened almost every week, but he figured that would be a good cover up for something far worse. His heart was pounding since none of the guys have ever caught him in the act, or even the moments leading up to it.

“Are you okay? You seem out of it.” Ashton sat down beside him, making the bed sink. 

Calum scrambled to find an acceptable answer. 

I’m good. 

No, too happy. 

I’m alright. 

Too suspicious.

“Uh, yeah, yeah, ‘m fine.” 

Calum slapped on a smile like he normally did, acting like his “normal” self. Ashton took notice of Calum's quick answer, making a mental note about it. 

“What were you holding?”

Cal panicked. Would he tell Ashton the truth? How was he going to explain this? It’s not like he could just tell him what was going on; it was too complicated. Ashton never got as much anxiety and stress as Calum did with this stuff. He’d never understand. He’d think Calum was weak and couldn’t handle the pressure, and then they’d kick him out of the band and never speak to him ever again-

“Calum.” Ashton’s eyes landed on Cal’s which were glued to his hands. 

“Oh, I, uh, I found a new pick for Mike to try on his guitar… found it online.” Cal lied. 

“Can I see it?”

“No!” Calum screamed. “No, I, uh, want it to be a surprise to him.”

“Oh, okay.”

~

The boys had come from a late night of writing in the studio, arriving home around 2 a.m. The three boys were tired and seemed like they would knock out after taking a shower and getting ready for the night. Cal’s mind, though, was obliterating him of all the failed attempts at trying a new chord for one of their songs throughout the day. His anxiety never seemed to rest, even at the late hours of the night. After the boys ate something substantial, they all said good night and went to their respective rooms.

After everyone went to bed, Calum absentmindedly grabbed his razor and went into the downstairs bathroom so as to not wake up the other three. He slid out the door to his bedroom and glided down the stairs in the darkness. He carefully shut the door and locked it; hoping no one would notice he was down here. 

Whenever Luke had had a bad dream, he’d always fiddled with his guitar until the scary thought that perturbed him went away. He’d often get nightmares when the jet-lag caught up with him or when he’d been getting home late. Tonight it was the latter option. 

Luke carefully trotted downstairs trying not to wake anyone up; he was always afraid he would when he had nightmares. Guitar in one hand, he made it to the living room where he’d dabble in his obsession with his instrument. About an hour went by, Luke grabbing his guitar and sleep starting to call his name. His foot landed on the first step, but then he noticed a slight glow coming from the closed bathroom door. He decided to check on one of his roommates, quickly figuring out it was Calum. 

He softly knocked on the door, whispering, “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, ‘m fine, go back to bed.” Cal answered. 

“Calum? You’ve been in there a while. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes. I just feel a little sick. I’ll be fine.”

“Cal, you’re worrying me. Let me in,”

“No, I’m-”

“Calum!” The singer whisper-shouted.

Calum knew he wouldn’t be able to get rid of him by just saying he was okay. He deepened his voice and put forth all his effort so then he’d scare Luke away. “I said I’m fine. Good night.”

Luke was taken aback by Calum’s sudden sternness, shaking his head and mumbling an “Okay, sorry” as started upstairs. Something in his heart was telling him to fight against him, though. Calum had been acting strange lately, and Luke couldn't pinpoint it. He almost brought it up to Michael at one point but then decided against it. 

~

The boys were about an hour and a half away from starting their pre-show rituals in Singapore, when an incident occurred between Calum and Michael. 

Calum had been sitting in an empty stairwell with his thoughts and his despised razor for about 45 minutes.The weeks leading up to tonight were stressful for him; tonight would be the band’s biggest night of this tour. He felt his heart leaping against his chest, Calum desperately trying to calm his nerves, but his thoughts go the better of him.

I can’t screw this up. I need to play my best. 

I can’t let the band down. 

I need to do well. 

Calum carefully pressed the blade against his arm like he did many times before. He knew this was a very unhealthy and detrimental ritual he did before almost every show, but something about it was a release for him. 

Meanwhile, Michael had been looking for Calum for the past 15 minutes, wondering how he disappeared from existence. 

“Cal, where did you-?” 

As Michael yanked the door open, the blade dug into Calum’s left upper forearm -Cal knew if he did it on his wrist someone would see the scars, causing endless panic and articles in the 5SOS world- resulting in him yelping in pain. The too-familiar pain ached down Calum’s arm as the blade hit the floor, its sound clinking in the stairwell. Michael knelt down towards the bass player assessing what had just happened. Though Calum had talked his problem through in detail with Michael before, he’d never seen a fresh scar. 

His voice was filled with terror and awe. “Calum, your arm-” 

“I know, man. I know. It- ah, fuck.” Calum clenched his arm with his other hand, seeing the blood drip down to the floor. He drilled his eyes closed, hoping that when he’d open his eyes Michael would be gone, but when he opened them again Michael was still sitting in front of him like the good friend he was.  

Michael knew of Calum’s secret, and tried getting him help for it. He’d almost arranged an appointment with a psych ward shortly before they started touring again, and told Cal he could say he needed to see his family and unplug for a while. Calum politely declined, saying that he was ‘fit for tour’ and that he could handle everything. 

Michael took a breath and stared at his best friend. "Cal, you can't keep doing this, it's not healthy." His words were truthful, but still hurt Calum nonetheless. 

“You think I don’t know that?!” Calum cried. He shot up from his hunched figure and started for the door. Reaching for the door handle, Cal turned his head towards Michael and breathed:

“I can’t keep living like this.” 

Calum bolted out the door towards his dressing room, running for some kind of support, some kind of comfort, some kind of safety. 

In the process, he accidentally rammed into Ashton in the hallway. Calum hit him so hard that he actually fell to the ground, causing him to land on the floor. 

“Whoa, easy there, tiger.” Ashton joked, reaching out his arm down to pull Calum up. 

A frantic Michael burst into the room after Cal, breathless and shaken. “Calum!”

Ashton whipped his head, surprised to see Michael. While Ashton was distracted, Cal pushed himself up from the ground, in the midst placing his arms behind him, trying to hide his arm from Ashton and now Michael. Tears brimmed Cal’s eyes and mentally prepared himself, knowing that this was about to be more than Calum apologizing to Ashton for running into him.

Luke popped into the door frame, hearing all the ruckus. “What’s going on?” 

Calum subtly wiped his eyes, tears starting to escape from them. He couldn’t do this right now. All he could hear was the frantic heartbeat in his temple, and the voice in his head screaming at him to shut down and close off his best friends. 

Michael had enough of this. He knew Calum too well and knew that he wasn't going to change his habit anytime soon. So, he decided to speak up. 

“Calum, you know I love you man, and this is your issue, but…” 

He shook his head and pleaded Michael through his eyes not to do this right now, but Michael didn’t care.

Calum needed help. 

“...either you tell them or I will.” 

 Luke said, his eyebrows furrowing together in concern. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”

Calum dropped his gaze to the floor and hesitantly brought his arms forward. All three pairs of eyes landed on his arm as Calum lifted his sleeve, unveiling the fresh and old scars that scattered along it. There were about 10 cuts or so, ranging from shorter, barely noticeable lines to longer, deeper ones. 

Luke and Ashton’s stomach dropped, hating the way they both didn’t know what was happening with him. They felt guilty in a way, mentally kicking themselves that they possibly could have contributed to Calum doing this. 

The new cut was somewhat healed now, so it wasn’t as gruesome as Michael had seen it before, but it still pained all three of them to see that Calum’s obsession was somewhat current. 

“Cal,” Ashton started. 

“There’s other ways to cope.” Luke chimed in. 

“I know that!” Cal’s voice boomed in the room. “I’ve tried all the shit you guys have tried, but nothing helps.” His voice sounded beaten and tired amongst the quiet room. 

In a fit of anxiousness and a bit of annoyance, Calum started for his dressing room again, but got blocked by Luke’s tall, strong stature. He fought and fought against him until he felt Luke’s strong arms against his body, feeling the contrast of his warm skin against his.

“It’s okay, Cal. You’re safe.”

Ashton made his way over to Calum and Luke. “We can get you help.”

Calum lied so plainly it was routine for him, “It’s fine, guys. I’m okay.” 

“You’re clearly not.” Michael said, crouching down to meet Calum's eyeline. 

“Please let us help you, mate.” Ashton said, following after Michael’s action. 

All three of their gaze finally got through to Calum. Broken sobs erupted from him, the boys’ message clear as day. They wanted to help him. Though they didn’t know exactly every emotion Calum was experiencing, they understood a fraction of it because they were in the same boat. All four of them had different experiences with anxiety and their own personal journey with it, but then it hit him: 

They boys would always be there for him. Whether he thought so or not.  

Cal thought about how lucky he was that there were people that could and wanted to help him, and finally decided to accept their help.

“Okay.”

[fabioquartararhoe]

.

[bartxnhood]

you don’t go to parties | c.h

calum hood x reader

summary: you’re sick of being a celebrity’s girlfriend. sick of the parties, all of it. it was bullshit.

warnings: angst, angst, and more angst. swearing. heavy use of ‘bullshit’

a/n: yup, your fave is back with her brand, angst ! as much as i love to write soft cal i just had to write this. i’m not too entirely proud of this work, but i decided to post anyways. i feel like my writing skills are going down the drain. if you have any tips please let me know. also, i’ll confess, this was inspired by the nancy and steve fight from stranger things but with a twist. i hope you guys enjoy !!! feedback is appreciated.

requests open

not proofread

Copyright © 2022 bartxnhood. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format.

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you were suffocating in the sea of people the music was loud, people pushed against you while getting to their friends. you finally backed into a corner with a beer in your hand. somewhere in the crowd, your boyfriend was dancing with his buddies. leaving you alone, yet again. it had been like this every week. this was becoming an annoying routine.

you hated parties. hated them.

but, you attended them for your boyfriend that is the only reason you kept going. but eventually, you stopped. they were annoying, the people there were fake, and you hated being drunk. you always said the worst things under the influence. but, you’d go for calum. he enjoyed having you around, and you enjoyed his presence too, of course, but the partying was getting out of hand.

he wasn’t your calum anymore, every week he would drag you out to another party to get hammered and listen to music too loud. it wasn’t you. you hated every minute of it. but, you’d smile through the night just for him.

you felt like you were drowning, every night you’d be out. it was hard to stay above the water. your mental health was declining, rapidly. but no one knew. it was becoming a habit, calum would leave you sometime during the night and you’d sit in a booth on your phone for the rest of the night.

eventually, you would just leave. which then leads to not going to parties at all.

you and calum were slowly becoming different people. he was out every other night, you were at home wondering what went so wrong? this continued for over a month. you were getting tired. you missed him.

one night, calum was out, per usual, you saw pictures of him going around on twitter. he was dancing with a girl you didn’t recognize, and you didn’t know everyone in los angeles. at first, you didn’t think anything of it, until later that night. the press spotted them leaving the party together with a headline of “calum hood seen leaving l.a club with a mystery girl. what happened to y/n l/n?”

then another night, they were spotted leaving the club again. the media took hold of their sightings and proceeded to make post after post. you scrolled on twitter seeing the headlines and comments the press made. the mystery girl turned out to be someone named miya. in the photos released you saw how she touched him, trying to make advances on him. it made your stomach churn.

‘i never thought calum would be one to pull something like this’

‘i can’t believe he would do this to y/n. i’m so disappointed’

‘i don’t blame him, tbh. miya is so much prettier than that pig’

‘disgusting’

‘y/n deserves it’

you felt burning in your eyes, holding back your sobs as you shut your phone and sinking into the bed. bringing the comforter close to your chin. your chest burned with anger, balling the blankets in your fists silently sobbing.

you didn’t know how long you laid there, but eventually you fell asleep. tears staining your cheeks and eyes puffy. it wasn’t long before calum finally returned home. his loud rustling coming from downstairs woke you.

“we didn’t do anything, you know.” he said, abruptly. “i didn’t say anything” you replied, staring at the wall. “you’re thinking it.” he rebutted. “how do you know?” “because i know you, y/n. you’re worrying. i don’t have to see you to know” you sighed, turning on your right side, now facing him. “calum” he looked down at you, noticing your puffy eyes. “you’re different.” he tilted his head. “what happened tonight was something i never thought would happen. and it’s killing me, cal. i don’t know how much more of this i can take.” you sighed. “it wasn’t like that. i just got her an uber, she was wasted. that’s all. i promise.” he answered.

“do you think you could please take a break from the parties? i miss you, i miss the old you. the one who would have movie dates with me and eat my terrible cookies.” he laughed at the end of your sentence. and maybe you were right, he should spend more time with you. even if it meant he would miss going out, he’d do it for you. he loved you that much. “okay” he smiled, “i’ll stop. we’ll go back to the old us.”

and you did, but it only lasted two weeks maybe. calum enjoyed his time spent with you cuddled on the couch with duke watching awful movies or cheesy rom-coms. it finally felt like old times, being by his side. you felt like things were going back to normal. but it didn’t last very long.

as it neared halloween, calum was informed of a halloween party ashton was throwing. “hey, y/n” he walked up behind you, standing in the kitchen. “ash just texted me, he’s throwing a party for halloween” you almost cut him off but he beat you to it. “before you deny, it is a small party. only close friends. plus, we can pull out the chucky and tiffany costumes?” you stared at him, not believing he was pulling this on you. “if i go, do i have to go to another party again?” you raised your eyebrow, followed by crossing your arms. “no, i’ll never ask you again. just one more time. then were done. i promise”

“will she be there?”

“who?”

“don’t play dumb cal”

“no, ashton only invited close friends.”

“fine, but this is the last time, cal. i mean it.”

the two of you arrived, hand in hand. everyone was dressed up with either their friends or partners. soon enough you spotted the rest of the guys and the girls. immediately, sierra spotted you. “y/n!” she grinned, almost jogging to you and wrapping her arms around your neck. “you look amazing!” you grinned, looking at her outfit, matching luke. angel and devil. “are you kidding, y/n?! look at you! that corset is doing you justice.” she giggled, which then caused your giggling fit. “why thank you.” you accepted her compliment.

“how hard was it for you to get calum to dress as chucky?” she asked, walking over to grab drinks with you. “honestly? this was his idea” you laughed, ordering your choice of drink. “and honestly, i kinda dig it.” “well, i think you both look incredible.”

the rest of the night was followed by your unusual drinking. it was shot after shot, not letting go of your cup once. you were in the living room which everyone was using as a makeshift dance floor with sierra, deciding if you were gonna act like everything was okay, you’d put up an act. you’d do what he wanted.

calum was barely tipsy the entire night, he kept his eye on you, knowing how you’ve been feeling for the past few weeks. he watched as you almost drank yourself to death. and eventually, he had to intervene.

“y/n, i think you’ve had enough.” he tried reaching your cup. “nooo” you shook your head, trying to refill your drink. “you..said have fun” he shook his head. “yes, but not to be blackout drunk.” he began pulling on the cup. “stop!” you pulled back, he let go causing the drink to spill all over your outfit. you let the now empty cup fall to the ground, taking a look at him. his eyes wide, realizing what had just happened “y/n..i..” before he finished you stormed off to the bathroom.

“it’s not coming out, babe” he closed the door behind him, watching as you tried desperately to wipe the liquid out of your dress. “it’s coming” you slurred, messily rubbing the rag. he sighed, reaching for your arm. “come one, let me take you home.” you continued the motion, staring at the large stain. “no.” you answered, sharply. “y/n, come on. let me take you home” his voice was soft, not wanting to make you upset.

“you wanted this!” your protested, throwing the rag back into the sink, slurring your words. “no, i didn’t. not this” he started, keeping his gaze on you. “i told you to stop drinking, y/n/n.” you shook your head. “bullshit!” you began to raise your voice. “it’s not bullshit.” his hand now on your back, keeping you from falling over. “bullshit.” you turned back to him, meeting his eyes. “no, it isn’t bullshit, y/n.”

“no, you!” you demanded, and he let go of you immediately. he stared, puzzled only blinking, not knowing how to handle this. how to handle you under such pressure. “you’re. bullshit.”

“what?” his voice barely audible. “what do you mean?” calum stammered. “you’re..pretending like everything is fine. like we’re okay. like miya isn’t ruining us. or..or” calum stares at you, his heart aching. had you felt like this all along? he had hoped this was only the alcohol talking. “like we’re great. like…like we’re in love” you continued, “because we’re partying. yeah, let’s party” you drawled, barely getting the syllables out.

“it’s..it’s bullshit!”

“like..like we’re in love?” he repeated. with a few words, his world had fallen apart. he brought his hand to your face, wiping the hair from your face. “y/n?” “it’s. bull. shit.” you insisted. he shook his head. calum didn’t want to believe the words spilling from your mouth. no, not now. he saw the tears welling in your red eyes, he would do anything to take away your pain. he wanted to fix it. you had kept him grounded for so long, you helped him find his ways. calum was so infatuated with you.

you hadn’t said anything, only staring at him while tears fell. calum felt defeated, he sighed taking a step back then reached for the door. “okay.” he muttered, leaving you alone in the bathroom and slamming the door.

calum sat on the sofa, his body aching, head pounding, and heart aching. he recalled your words from the previous night, he considered leaving the party altogether but he didn’t. he brought you home because he loves you.

it was beginning to rain, the atmosphere was heavy. he felt suffocated, replaying the moments from the party. he wanted to convince himself it was all a bad dream, that you didn’t say any of those words. it was just a really bad dream. he yawned, rubbing his temples hoping the tylenol would kick in already.

“calum?” you groaned, standing behind the sofa and rubbing your tired eyes. like him, your body hurt and the pounding in your head didn’t seem to cease. “hey” he muttered back, not looking in your direction.

you tried recalling the night before, he wasn’t acting right. did you say something to him that made him upset? you couldn’t remember anything past you dancing with sierra. “did something happen last night?” his face was still nose-deep in his phone, trying his best to drown you out. “you tell me” he glanced up to look at you then back at his phone. your heart sank, what did you say to him? “what do you mean? i don’t remember anything. i just remember dancing with sierra..a spilled drink and that’s it.” you replied, falling on the loveseat, across from him. “apparently we’re bullshit” he started, before dropping his phone in his lap. his eyes now meeting with yours.

“i’m bullshit, we’re bullshit, and we were pretending we were in love” he deadpanned. you blinked, not having any recollection of this conversation. “i was drunk, cal. i don’t remember any of that. i don’t think i meant it.” you argued. “right, then tell me.” he demanded.

you blinked, what was he talking about? “what?” calum laughed dryly. “tell me you love me.”

you fell silent, fidgeting with your fingers. you did love him, of course, you did. but lately? you had been questioning it. within the past two months, he was someone different. you knew it wasn’t his fault, you wanted to love him but he wasn’t your calum. this was a debate that had been going on in your mind every day.

calum watched your expression fall, the silence made him anxious. similar to a feeling of being on a rollercoaster. he was anticipating your answer, but maybe he already knew the answer. calum knew after the rumors of him and miya surfaced. yet, he still made himself believe everything was okay because he loves you. to calum you were his sun in the darkest days, you were the one thing to keep him going. and maybe he was being selfish by making you do things you made very clear you didn’t want to do.

“i..” you started, averting your eyes, looking at the wall behind him. “i don’t know,” you said, followed by a long pause. you saw his face soften, realization hit him like a rock. his eyes fell looking at his hands holding his phone. “you’ve changed, calum. and not in a good way. you’re unrecognizable. i’m stuck in this house all the time, only to go out for work or to get groceries. meanwhile your out getting blackout drunk with your friends!”

“you’re the one who chooses to stay home.” you chuckled, “i know because every time we went out i’d end up alone anyways. i was uncomfortable and you didn’t care.” your lip trembled, and your eyes burned to try to keep your tears at bay. “so, yes, blame me, but you’re the one who threw this relationship out a lot of time ago, calum.”

he was picking at his nails now, his chest burning as his eyes began to gloss over. he was never one to show his emotions like this, let alone be so vulnerable around someone. “so what does this mean for us?” he finally looked up, eyes fixating on you. you paused, chewing on the inside of your cheek. what was the next step? “i guess..” you began, “we should find ourselves. i don’t think i can continue living like this.”

it was the blunt truth, calum knew this. he wasn’t dumb. he saw through your facade, he knew you were hurting. “okay.” he nodded, wiping his eyes before any tears could make their appearance. standing up from the sofa, he took a deep breath. “i’ll get my things.” you watched as he exited the room.

[heartache-onthebigscreen]

Calum Hood with just a weird ass reader, like she has taxidermy animals and never dresses as anything cute for Halloween but instead goes as like Edgar Allen Poe or something, she randomly just bites the shit outta him, and makes weird noises. Has weird shit all around like i feel like calum could get behind this Aries energy

“you terrify me. and i love you.” - cth

an: i love this. chill bf x hyper gf is one of my fav tropes. the meme below just,,, fits doesn’t it?

pairing: calum hood x fem!reader

summary: dating calum concept. you’re fuckin weird and just downright chaotic. and calum just rolls with it, because he worships the ground you walk on.

warnings: cursing, sexual content

not my gif

for starters, calum really had no clue what the hell he was getting himself into when he started crushing.

you guys had met at your place of work, he thought your rambling was cute when he’d ask you a question about something, so he kept returning

and you just kept getting weirder, but he loved it

half the things you talked about, he genuinely thought you were joking.

but you were dead ass serious.

when you said you had a raccoon named dave, he thought a raccoon just hung around your house.

no. he was pleasantly surprised when he first walked into your place to find a taxidermy raccoon sitting front and center in your living room. named dave.

and many, many more animals with the most.. random names

“calum. that is abraham the the fox. say hi!”

“um. hi abraham..” calum waved, “abraham seems to have a friend…”

abraham did in fact have a rabbit in his mouth.

“oh. that’s just lincoln.”

“yeah…just lincoln”

but ever since then, whenever he’d see any unique trinket, he’d buy it for you.

he’d even go to flee markets to find authentic items, more animals, just anything he’d think you’d find cool.

you have a lot of plants too, each with names. calum has memorized each one and how to correctly take care of them. he’d even get attached to them.

“babe! vanessa died!”

“calum, you know what we have to do.”

you guys bury the deceased plants in the backyard.

calum never, ever knows what your next move is. you’re always one step ahead of him, and he loves the thrill you bring.

“calum, ill be back.”

“what? where are you going?”

“seattle. i wanna see what it’s like to be at the top of the space needle.”

“okay, let me get wallet, wait for me.”

you never ever tell him what you are gonna be for halloween. when the holiday came around for the first time after you guys had started dating, he thought you’d wear something like a devil outfit, or something from star wars, since you loved the series so much.

but no. when you showed up to the party with a wig and a mustache, wearing some outdated suit. he questioned if that was even his girlfriend.

“YN?”

“Sup.”

“Oh my god it is you, who the fuck are you?”

“Edgar Allen Poe, bro.”

“Huh?”

“The fuckin’ poet Cal, god get with the times!”

that night, he read every piece of work he could find by Edgar Allen Poe. He shared his favorite ones with you.

and you severely judged him for his choices, but you found it so cute.

you can get…violent.

not in a abuse kinda way, just in a..YN kinda way?

you sink your teeth into calum’s tattooed skin at any time you can.

he doesn’t even flinch anymore, he just knows you’re telling him you love him.

sometimes, you would get a little carried away

“YN, could you stop gnawing on my arm?”

“but i love you!”

“fine. proceed.”

he misses the bites sometimes, he’ll hold his arm out in front of your mouth when he wants some attention.

your biting has also created a little…kink for him. he’d never admit it though.

“Fuck! YN! I’m close, shit fucking bite me.”

“Bruh, what?”

“Please!”

when you bite him, it’s literally the best sex you ever have.

“didn’t know you liked that, cal.”

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, also, im not your ‘bruh.’ when im balls deep inside of you.”

you scream, just when you want.

the first time you did it, calum came running into the room, panting, worried, just to find you sitting in your desk chair, spinning around.

“i- YN, you alright?”

“yeah, just felt like screaming.”

“…okay.”

now when you do it, he just screams back.

or if you make any noise at all, he just makes the noises with you.

when you get excited, or even when you’re tired. you can talk in straight gibberish. no one ever understands what you are saying.

but calum does though, even small random gestures you make, he understands. he’s fluent in YN.

“YN, where did all this silverware come from?”

you tend to steal things from places you’ve been with calum. you just want to remember everything.

“all the restaurants we’ve been to.”

“what the fuck-“

you have little rocks laying around from walks you’ve been on, calum always questions your growing rock collection.

you tend to be, kind of a kleptomaniac when it came to collecting random things of meaning to you.

“YN, where did this microphone come from?”

“I stole it from the stage at the first concert you brought me to. Remember when you got off stage and I was in the ‘bathroom?’ for a while?”

“oh my god, YN! we were looking for this it’s expensive!”

calum loves to go through your things though, they really make you, well, you.

you have so many vinyls, vintage clothes laying around, random little toys, a shit ton of antiques.

sure, your place is a little cluttered, but you decorate it so nicely.

while calum was going through your things one day, he did find something that alarmed him.

“YN, is this a fucking real machete?”

“oh. yeah. i used it to trim my bushes once.”

“you terrify me. and i love you.”

[writersdare]

Strawberry Jam | Calum Hood

Pairing: Calum Hood x Reader (she/her)

Summary: The winter holidays were simply the best for both Calum and Y/N, especially when a heating problem in their house occurred.

Warning: fluff, friends to lovers

Word Count: 2 208

Author’s Note: Who knew it’d be so hard for me to write fluff! But I really wanted to come up with something light this time. Hopefully you’ll enjoy it, and the story will make you smile! Requests are open ♡

Winter was quite a magical season. Even if some people weren’t exactly in a celebratory mood, usually it’d change, as Christmas atmosphere was rather contagious. The gatherings could be tedious, but it still felt amazing to share happy moments with the ones you loved, see smiles on their faces and hear glass clinks with bubbly drinks.

That winter was particularly special, as Y/N was spending the holidays with a close group of friends. When she just moved to LA, the girl didn’t really know anyone, but with time she befriended four amazing guys who honestly changed her life for good. Y/N was introduced to Michael by their mutual friend, and since then they started to hang out. Often the guys would go touring, and they’d miss each other desperately, that’s why holidays together seemed like something very sweet, almost exceptional.

Through the half of the past year Y/N got to know the guys better, and maybe deep down she wanted one of them to be more than a friend. Things were complicated, though, with work and simply them being public figures it wasn’t easy, and often, coming back to such thoughts, Y/N was realizing it was safer to leave everything how it was. Secretly, however, she hoped for Calum to make a move on Christmas Eve, but it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen on New Year Eve either, and then just five days were left before them going back to LA. 

Sometimes, when it was getting lonely at night, Y/N would consider to open up her feelings, but in the morning the idea seemed rather ridiculous and maybe unnecessary. Calum had never really crossed any friend boundaries, they’d flirt sometimes, jokingly, and that was it. Y/N didn’t want to ruin their relationship and, honestly, that what really mattered. She couldn’t imagine not talking to Cal after a wrong move. She couldn’t tell if the feelings were mutual.

The house they all stayed in was truly beautiful. Soft yellow lights of different kind of installations were illuminating the yard and making the mood even more festive. Y/N was sure if that place was participating in Christmas competition, it’d definitely get its prize. 

Everything seemed perfect until a heating problem in the house occurred. It wasn’t that bad during a day, but as Y/N wished everyone a good night and came to her room, she realized she was simply freezing. Naturally, the temperature was dropping at night, but that knowledge wasn’t really helping.

The girl changed into sweatpants and a sweater and got under the cold sheets of her bed. She was trying to remind herself that it would get better eventually, but it was still hard to fall asleep, so Y/N turned back on the night lamp and glued to her phone. Getting used to the cold a little bit, the girl was debating whether she needed to try to fall asleep again or to go downstairs and make tea. The second option didn’t seem smart, as she didn’t want to wake anyone up or to go to a toilet in the middle of the night later. Silly thoughts were running through her head, when someone knocked the door carefully. 

The girl froze with her phone in hands and frowned a little, staring at the door and trying to figure out who it could be. 

“Y/N? Are you sleeping?” she heard a whisper, and the girl hurried up to leave her mobile on a bedside table and open the door.

In front of her was standing sleepy, wrapped in a blanket, Calum, holding a pillow.

“Hey. Can I sleep with you tonight?” he wrinkled his nose a little, thinking how to bring the news smoothly. “Just… my neighbors…”

“Noisy?” Y/N chucked and let Cal to come in. Everyone was coping with the cold in their own way, it seemed.

“You don’t even wanna know,” the guy sighed heavily and looked around. “You were awake?”

“Yeah, can’t fall asleep,” she said honestly, closing the door and going back to bed, moving her blanket to the left side, so Calum could lie normally next to her. “So cold.”

“I know,” he whispered and lied down. “Here,” Calum suggested his blanket. “We can share.”

Y/N smiled shortly and suggested hers, too, so they could use both.

Cal moved closer, and they almost hid each other under the sheets. Y/N turned off the light, feeling much warmer right away.

“You weren’t sleeping, too, or they woke you up?” she asked, nuzzling his shoulder as she was lying on a side, facing him. Calum’s hand was resting on the girl’s back, but he wasn’t allowing himself to lower it down. They were extremely close to each other, and Y/N trusted him, so he wasn’t planning to change that. After all, he was a gentleman, even though could be a naughty one at times, too.

“No. I couldn’t fall asleep at all,” the guy mumbled and smirked, when heard Y/N’s quiet laugh. “What’s so funny?!”

“You just said it with such an offensive manner, like a baby,” the girl kept giggling.

“A baby?! Did you just call me a baby?!” Cal jokingly outraged and pulled away a bit to see Y/N’s face. “You are just lucky your neighbors aren’t going crazy in there, alright?”

“Don’t be jealous, Cal,” she kept teasing him. “They are in love and want to be closer.”

“Woah, since when are you so romantic?” he giggled back. “The cold really did something with your brain,” Calum sighed and lied on his back, staring at the ceiling.

“Rude!” Y/N pushed him in the shoulder jokingly and smirked, still smiling though.

“Don’t say that, I’ll take back my blanket.”

“You are aware that I’m going to do the same then, right? And you’ll die from cold.”

“So annoying,” he sighed heavily, smiling.

“I mean, you still can come back to your bedroom.”

“No, thank you,” Cal smiled wider and all of a sudden pulled Y/N closer to him, squeezing tight. “Good night?” he asked and then just couldn’t help but tickle the girl a little.

“Don’t you dare!” she gasped and giggled. “Good night, Calum. Now you can sleep peacefully.”

“Ha-ha,” the musician smirked and touched her forehead with a nose. Maybe he was even little glad it was that cold, so he could use that as an excuse to be closer to Y/N…

The next morning, though, the girl woke up alone. For a moment she even thought it was just a dream, but then Y/N realized she was still covered with two blankets, hugging a pillow next to her. Lying in bed for a little longer, the girl checked time — it was surprisingly early — and left the bedroom. Going downstairs, she noticed Cal on the kitchen, making… pancakes. An open floor plan of the house helped Calum to notice Y/N even before she fully went down the stairs.

“Nope! Go back to bed!” he ordered in a funny way, whispering.

“What?!” the girl whispered back. “Why?”

“Because. I’m making us breakfast in bed, it’s not going to happen if you aren’t in bed, Y/N.”

The girl smirked. Well, he was speaking the truth there.

“Since when are you making pancakes or breakfast in bed, Calum?”

“You want to eat or not?”

Y/N chuckled and run back upstairs, smiling. Calum’s behavior was slightly surprising, as he had told her before he hated cooking at first place, but oh well, seemed like cold didn’t freeze only her brain after all…

Honestly, though, Y/N didn’t mind to come back to bed, as it was still early and everyone was asleep, besides it was much warmer under the sheets.

In ten minutes, she heard a knock on the door and then Cal appeared.

“So, I followed the recipe on the Internet, it should be good,” he promised and put a tray with two plates of pancakes, jam and cups of coffee on bed.

“Woah, Calum. You’re a real chief,” she smiled and set on the bed. “Careful,” Y/N warned. It’d be a disaster if they flip the tray by accident, even though a rather expected one for both of them. The girl was clumsy, and Cal was making an excuse that he got that habit just after her.

“Yeah, careful, Y/N,” Calum smirked, shamelessly teasing the friend. The friend… that made Cal to think for a moment, so the girl noticed the change on his face.

Sometimes Calum felt like an idiot. He wasn’t a talkative guy, but he never found it difficult to communicate with people. He had good friends, had been in romantic relationships, some of which were truly nice and some were so bad that it made him reconsider the idea of being in love. In any case, no matter how hard it was, he never felt so little in the world like with her. And it wasn’t something negative, it just was extremely different. Cal could be himself around Y/N, could be quiet, could be funny and silly, it didn’t matter, she’d answer him with the same warm smile. And yet, when he tried to make a move – or at least he hoped it was obvious – he was getting lost. He was getting almost shy. Sometimes the guy wanted to sigh loudly and ask directly, outraged, what she was doing to him, why she was turning his head upside down every time they’d make eye contact with each other.

“Why such a long face? I mean, I know you like apricot jam better, but strawberry isn’t that bad,” Y/N joked, trying to come Calum to his senses. She wondered what he was thinking about, but didn’t want to push him.

Cal only chuckled and looked at Y/N with his warm brown eyes.

“I mean, I just really like apricot jam,” he smiled and finally tried the pancakes. Y/N was already eating.

“It’s not bad, Calum, I like strawberries, just try it,” the girl giggled, remembering how at the very first day of their arrival he had made a whole drama show about wrong jam on a shelf and how delivery had messed up. No doubts he had sent a one-star review after that. 

“It’s not bad, it’s just not better,” Cal joked back, being still partly not there but in his thoughts. The guy dipped the pancake into the sweet jam and brought it to his mouth. Another second and the jam was on the sheets…

“Damn it!”

Y/N just burst into laughter.

“Didn’t I tell you to be careful?” she teased him, being even proud that it was him who messed up first.

“Better help me, huh!” Calum giggled and took few napkins to clean the fabric, but it wasn’t really helping, and his fingers became sticky.

The girl kept laughing quietly, apparently enjoying Cal’s frustration. If she only knew he messed up because of her!

“It’s your fault, by the way,” he mumbled.

“How come it’s my fault?!” Y/N outraged jokingly.

“Because,” he sighed and threw away the napkin, then focused the eyes on hers. It was the time, otherwise he’d just go crazy. “You smile, and I can’t even hear my own thoughts. Everything becomes vivid. Each time I tried to get it right… all I could say was some stupid joke, which you’d laugh at anyway, and I’d lose again a chance to try it one more time to… to make myself clear.”

“Calum, what are you talking about?” Y/N smiled shortly, feeling like her heart started to beat faster all of a sudden.

“I’m talking about… feelings. Feelings I’m having for you, Y/N. And I know it’s the most ridiculous moment to tell the truth, but if I don’t do it now, I won’t do it at all. I’ve never considered myself a coward, and yet here I am…” he looked down. The girl was silently listening Cal. “I really like you, Y/N,” he sighed heavily as if it was physically hard to say those words. “And I know we are friends, and I totally get if you… Well, if you say I’m just imagining things, but–“

“You are not imagining,” Y/N interrupted Calum, seeing how much he was struggling to find the right words, not to scare her away. The girl put the tray on the bedside table and turned back to the musician. He wasn’t looking anywhere but her. “You are not imagining,” she repeated. “I like you, too, Cal. I was thinking to tell you that but didn’t want…”

“To ruin the friendship,” he smiled a bit, finishing her sentence.

“Yeah,” the girl nodded.

“Do you think then we can just build something next to it, rather than ruining anything entirely?” he asked. Calum was always a master of words, and Y/N only chuckled, smiling happily.

“I like that.”

“I like that, too,” Cal smiled and hesitated only for a second before covering the girl’s lips with his. The kiss was careful, but full of feelings they were hiding from each other for a while. Only when there was no air left to breathe, they pulled away, and Calum looked at Y/N’s eyes. It still gave him butterflies. “You’re right, the strawberry jam is actually quite tasty,” he smiled wider, and the girl just covered his plum lips with hers once again. 

– gif and photo aren’t mine and belong to the rightful owner – saw the gif here @uservalentine –

Moodboard ♡

© writersdare | all rights reserved

All stories are original and written by me. Do not copy, trace and post anywhere without permission and credit. The stories are fictional, they do not correspond to reality and written just for fun ♡

Masterlist | Prompt List

[suekreandtheidiots]

Yes, I drew a mid-2000s teenager line up, featuring some of Hallie and Lance's dearest peers. No, I don't regret a single thing. 😂

***

I know I posted some short descriptions before but II brushed them up a little and want to have them all in one place, so here we go!

From left to right:

Mark McGrath (*February 7th 1987, in London/England, 5'8 ft) had to repeat 8th grade and somehow started hanging out with the cool kids of the year. Went to a fancy English boarding school as a kid... and somehow ended up at a random public school in Scotland as a pre-teen. No one ever found out what made him into the person he was... and no one really dared to just ask him either. A certain mystery surrounded Mark, which was fairly entertaining all by itself. Mark was a cool, calm and collected fella, easygoing and pleasant to be around, never as loud and obnoxious as some others but well, how do they say? Still waters run deep. And dirty. Mark was the one to ask for "special favours", such as getting weed/speed/acid/whatnot. Mark knew everyone and everything. Mark was the guy one would call if they had to get rid of a body. Mark never judged. Mark just did what had to be done. (Liked Hallie a lot, in a very innocent and friendly way, and even though the two never got to know each other on a deeper level, they always got along well and were able to communicate very naturally.)

Calum Hamish Fitzgibbons (*November 6th 1987, in Aberdeen/Scotland, 6'7 ft) was a nice kid, actually. A teenager of his time, with the appropriate brush of occasional overconfidence, because he had the looks and the wit. A lot of his peers looked up to him... quite literally, because, at seventeen, Cal was already 6'7 ft tall. Cal wasn't bad, he was just spoiled. His parents were pretty wealthy and he was used to getting whatever he wanted, without asking or having to put in any effort. That being said, when he was pining for Hallie, he kinda just expected that she would see the light one day, but he never dared to make an actual move to try and win her over. Partly because he didn't see the necessity, and also because romantic feelings for a friend are an awkward thing sometimes. When Hallie didn't just fall for him like he had hoped, and even picked his best friend over him during his absence, he was raging for several reasons. Being a bad person isn't one of them... but a male (teenage) ego is often a fragile one.

Hallie Henderson (*April 2nd 1988 in Aberdeen/Scotland, 5'7 ft) has loved writing all kinds of things ever since she was a wee lass... and being at school only fuelled that particular love! She was a very sweet and clever girl, with interest in pretty much anything, but most of all music, world affairs and also pop and rock culture, as well as clothes and boys (oooh!). Hallie decided to relaunch the school paper (with fellow writing enthusiast Lucy Dunn and the help of a few older students) at the tender age of thirteen, and had a carefully curated (and actually quite popular) web blog ("Hendersonic!") as well, in which she wrote about all the subjects and things that moved her. Hallie grew up with Type 1 diabetes, which always had the potential to put a damper on her generally happy attitude, and she was also afraid of being perceived as "plain" and "boring", and once it became cool to be "not like other girls", Hallie decided to jump right into that and became a bit of a Pick-Me, but she never lost her heart of gold (even though she tried to cover that up with the occasional *edgyness*). Cultural trends come and go, but being kind-hearted is always in style after all!

Lancelot Malcolm "Lance" Abbott (*July 27th 1988 in Aberdeen/Scotland, 5'3 ft) was an incredibly smart and headstrong prodigy; bold, clever, persistent and outspoken. It always seemed like there was nothing that Lance Abbott couldn't do... which was true, in a way, but also got to his head, unfortunately. Lance may have been kind at heart, but that wasn't exactly the part of his personality that he decided to flaunt - Lance was arrogant, on the brink of being very insensitive and plain rude at times. Despite his short and slight build, he had a very striking and intimidating presence; even people older than him preferred to not get into discussions and arguments with the little Abbott. Aside from his academic pursuit, Lance was also very musically gifted. He has played drums from an early age on, taught by his legendary dad, Craig, and had a great understanding for music in general.

Diana "Di" Ballantyne (*December 5th 1987, in Aberdeen/Scotland, 5'6 ft) was a stunning and headstrong Femme Fatale in training, with a passion for make up and clothes, and a strong disdain for Hallie and Lucy... and anyone else she deemed weird and/or boring. There was no rhyme and reason to what and whom Diana deemed boring, though, she just wanted to vibe and refused to put up with people and things she had no desire to put up with. Used to date Lance for a few months until she realised that the wee Abbott is just as much as a pain in the arse as she is, and broke up with him when things became too much of a hassle. (Met Lance again while he was in med school, and both hooked up every now and then over the years, despite not actually being into each other. Honestly, don't ask. 🤣)

It's hard to sum up Lowell "Fozzy" Foster (* September 17th 1987, in Inverness/Scotland, 6'5 ft) in just a few sentences... he was an experience. Not at all a bad kid either, but, uhm... well, let's just say that Fozzy's loyalty and integrity had limits, namely any time he sensed that there could be something in for him, when there was a lass he liked involved, or when doing the right thing was simply too much of a hassle. Aside from all this, Fozzy was a music freak, too, which is what always brought him and Lance back together, despite their various quarrels. Fozzy came from a very musically gifted family - he is the son of Andrew Foster, a well-known concert pianist, and Fionnula Graham-Foster, an opera singer. Being taught by his dad from an early age on, Fozzy was an outstanding piano player himself but he never bragged about that and rather half-arsed his way into playing other instruments instead, so he'd appear cooler to his peers. Fozzy was fun company, up for anything and an entertaining fella all around, for sure... it was just better to watch one's back when getting involved with him.

Lucille "Lucy" Dunn (* February 21st 1988) relaunched the school paper together with Hallie (and a few others) when both were thirteen and she became one of Hallie's closest friends over the years. Lucy was sweet in nature, but also quite blunt and never really cared about what others thought of her. She often spoke out what the sensitive Hallie didn't dare to say. She was also a childhood friend of Fozzy and secretly liked him a lot more than she ever cared to admit. Lucy was pretty badass overall and a true friend to anyone who managed to gain her trust, and she would not take crap from anyone, not even her teachers. When she punched a fellow student in the face after he groped her, and she was about to get detention, Lucy made it very clear to the headmaster what she thought of that - she threatened to take the incident to the paper and the police... and managed to get away with a warning. She still wrote about sexual harrassment in the school paper and dropped names, which was a scandal all on its own, but that's a different story. That being said, it was better not to mess with the young Miss Dunn - no matter what, she would strike back.

Timothy "Tim" Irvine (*March 3rd 1988) was the good soul of the gang. Outspoken and eloquent and not at all shy to voice his opinions, but where others of the same age just blurted out with whatever came to their minds at the moment, Tim actually thought about what he said. He was true friend material, always eager to understand both sides in an argument and staying respectful, even when he was mad or didn't agree with something. Tim didn't love what Lance started something with Hallie while knowing that his friend had been into her for an eternity, while they were away on vacation, but he was very willing to cut his friend some slack because he also saw what he had gone through. He was definitely not okay with the way Cal, Fozzy and Mark wanted to pay Lance back and eventually had a fall out with them as well. Tim was the last person of the former gang that Lance sent a text message to ("I'm alright, thanks. Take care, mate!"), after the blow up, and before they all went their separate ways in late Summer 2006.

***

Some closes ups, the lineart and the sketch:

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

Maybe Cal surprises y/n after being away doing promo works and shows up with their favorite meal and they catch up 🥵🥵🥵

Hi Blanca! Let's dusty off these rusty wheels. Tried to keep it as gender-neutral as possible. 

CW: 18+ Content

_________________________

You watch Duke lap at the bowl for a moment, mostly to make sure the old man turns his attention to the food you've put into the bowl. He gets finicky--sometimes he wants you around, sometimes he doesn't. But you always linger for just a moment to match sure his attention eventually settles on the food. Once he gets a few more drinks of water, he noses the rim of the food bowl. The sound of the first crunch lets you know he's going to at least eat something. So you push up from the counter and then look back at binder of recipes on the counter.

With Duke settled, you still need to figure out what you want to eat. It was sometimes a late night endeavour with you waiting well into the night before getting up. But you know Calum's going to call soon and ask if you've selected what to get for dinner. Even if he was miles away, he called in the evening to hear your voice and to make sure you were sticking to the schedule.

It sounds ridiculous as you flip to the turkey dish section of the binder. You're a grown adult but you still need the strictness of a schedule to ensure you didn't get overwhelmed. It also ensures you don't forget the necessities--work, walking Duke, doctor's appointments, laundry, cleaning. It works which is all that you need.

Behind you Duke still chomps away at his foods and your gaze glazes over. Did you want turkey today? Or did you want a veggie dish which Calum could finish up for dinner later in the week--should he choose to. Choice paralysis--it was a fucking awful beast when it showed up. You and Calum had a system though. When you felt too paralyzed to make a decision, you'd text him two numbers. Each one corresponded to specific choice. Whichever one selected by the partner was the decision to go with. He seemed to favor odd numbers, so you made sure to never make one of the options even. It had to be fair--no using the other person's preference or bias as an advantage.

You flip through binder blindly and stop--chili, the first contender. You go back to the binder and flip, twist, turn, and shake the binder under you settle on another page. Pork chops--the second contender. Pulling up Calum's text thread, you type a message: 13 or 15?

The text sits for a moment and then you see Calum typing--signaled by the three grey bubbles. 17.

You immediately tap on the phone icon next to his name. The call connects a moment later. "Hi love," he greets, his voice sounds a little far from the microphone. You know in his car, he's got his phone connected to the bluetooth in the radio. But why would he be driving? He was supposed to be locked into promo until late this evening.

You don't waste time with pleasantries. "What do you mean by 17? The choices were 13 or 15."

"Get the door for me please. You'll see."

"Calum Thomas Hood--what do you mean?"

"My hands are going to be full. Could you please open the front door for me? I'm pulling into the driveway right now."

"You said you'd be out late with interviews?"

"We got done early. I bought dinner."

You give a small, "Oh" with the phone still pressed to your ear. You slip into your slides near the door and step onto the porch. Sure enough Calum's SUV pulls up into the driveway. "Well would you look at that?"

He laughs. "To make up for last week."

"I'm coming to you," you say and then end the call. Calum steps out of the car just as you get down from the porch. He smiles at you before ducking back into the car and you open the passenger side door. "Empty hands over here." The smell of your favorite takeout invades your nose and you grin. "Option 17."

He laughs softly. "Option 17. I got the food, if you don't mind grabbing my backpack."

"Don't mind, babe." You grab the black backpack and sling it onto your shoulder. He carries it sometimes for promo to ensure he has chargers, snacks, and whatever else he wants with him. It's never too heavy and once the bag is hitched up, you step away from the car and close the door with your hip.

The two of you hand up to the house and Duke greets Calum at the threshold. "Oh, I know. Pop's been gone way too long," he grins down at the small dog and then carries on until he reaches the dining room table.

You close the door behind you, ensuring it's locked too. "Why are you trying to make up for last week?" you asks.

"I was distracted a lot trying to get ready for this upcoming promotion and I know last week was hard because three people quit at your job too."

"You listened to all those rants."

"Yeah, but still. I feel like I could've been more there for you. So we can have a quiet evening. Luke and Michael are doing some NY press right now on Zoom and my turn is up tomorrow so I'll be home more for you then too before the conference this weekend."

Your job allows you to work remotely. You work from the backyard sometimes--or go to a few coffee shops in town when you need a change of scenery. Now that the business was gaining more traction--there was a business exposition that your CEO wanted to attend. You, by already being in California, and being one of the few longest standing employees, were an easy pick for the CEO to include on the trip.

A small smile graces your face. "Thanks, love."

And the two of you settle at the dining room table, sitting next shoulder to shoulder. "How were the interviews today?" you ask.

"They were good--us and TikTok are still a steep learning curve," Calum chuckles, grabbing a fork from the bag.

As you chew around your bite, you listen to Calum recount the ridiculous of the 15 minute TikTok live and how it scared him people would go as far as to send virtual hats and accessories and having those correspond to actual money on the platform. He worried since they didn't necessarily control all of that the money was just wasting away. You know his upbringing is the root of that anxiety. He didn't want people to waste money--though he was grateful people spent money on the albums, concert tickets, and merchandise.

The squeak and scrape of the styrofoam starts to cut through the sentences that you and Calum exchange. The conversation slowly shifts from his work to your day and how much packing for the trip you've done. Packing got halted when your lucky shirt--the shirt you wore for most major things--was in the wash. The load was in the dryer now and you'd resume packing most likely tonight once you got to folding.

"The internet was a little finicky today. So I might head to a shop near by so you don't have too many troubles with interviews tomorrow," you mention as you toss out the trash.

Calum pouts as he grabs a bowl from the pantry behind you. "Do you have to?"

You can hear the pout before you even see it and when you turn, getting an eye full of the white t-shirt hanging over Calum's shoulder and chest, you wrap your arms around his waist and rest your chin in his sternum. "Hmm, maybe not for the full day. I have a meeting at 1 though so I'll have to leave for that."

"Is that the only meeting?" he asks, setting the bowl down and running the tips of his fingers over your cheek.

"Yeah so I'll come back afterwards."

"Okay. But I want cuddles before you leave."

You grin. "A request I'd be happy to fill."

Calum bends down, pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. "One or two scopes?" he asks in a whisper. His lips brush over yours as he speaks.

You give him another kiss. "One."

"Three it is. One for you-- two for me," he grins and squeezes onto your elbow for just a brief moment. Your arms fall and you let him go--to turn to the freezer.

"This is my ice cream, mister," you laugh and he just grins, setting the carton out on the counter.

"But you love me."

"I do," you return quietly.

The two of you settle onto the couch--the TV on and Netflix already playing an episode of Criminal Minds. Your spoon clinks against the bowl as you get the last of your scope onto the utensil. The silence between the two of you is comforting. You can listen to the team theorize about the unsub's comfort zone and no words have to be spoken between the two of you.

You slide up closer, throwing your legs across Calum's lap and rest your head on his shoulder. He turns to watch you-- as you settle in and grins mostly to himself around the first bite of his second scope. It is normal between the two of you in the most boring way, but it makes his chest warm at the thought of how easy it is now between the two of you.

Once he's finished, he sets the bowls onto the table and then wraps his arms around you. You stay like that for one episode and as it concludes, you drift your gaze upwards. The stubble of Calum's chin lets you know it's been a couple weeks since he last shaved. He did shave for the photoshoots of the COMPLETE MESS single art and the music video. But clearly nothing sense.

Without enough thought to stop you, you stroke his cheek and he roots into the touch a little. His eyes close, lashes meeting at the top of his cheek, and it's almost like watching something in slow motion as he blinks his eyes back open. He twists so his lips press into your palm and then his attention turns back to the TV and you stay focused on him.

"Your too handsome for your own good," you whisper.

A bashful smiles lifts his lips, but he says nothing for a beat, and then two passes. "Sounds like a good thing to me if it means I get you."

You scoff. "Forever a gentleman. You don't have to try so hard anymore."

He laughs and then tightens the hand that's been grazing your thighs mindlessly for the last hour. "Watch it."

"Can I have a kiss?" you ask.

"Hmm, I don't know not with an attitude like that." But after a moment, his attention turns fully to you. He flicks his gaze from your eyes to your lips and then back up. "But you're too damn irresistible," he whispers closing the gap between you too.

The kiss starts sweet and you two even pull away at the same time. Then you drop your head into the cushion gaze settling back onto the TV screen. Calum really can't resist--the way your neck is just begging to be kissed and the way he's missed holding you this close. So he stretches over, and you shift lower onto the couch in response, resting now into the arm of the couch.

"May I?" he whispers, breath tickling the neck of your skin.

Your eyes are fluttering close as you speak, "Yes, please." Because you'll be damned if you don't also miss being this close to Calum. Sharing the bed at night isn't the same as this--not when you're both showered and scrolling on your phones or reading your books. It's not the same when you curl up next to him because he makes you feel safe.

His tongue traces your thumping veins and you wind your fingers into his hair, palm flat and then tug every so slightly as your curl your fingers into the strands. He grunts into your skin and you smile at the sound. He kisses up your neck and over your jaw. For a moment, his lips hover over yours. You exhale and inhale in a similar pattern to each other and even though you feel like you're hanging suspended in time you can see the second that Calum knows he wants more. You see the thought creep up, formulate in his brain and you meet him halfway to close the centimeters of gap between your lips.

Calum traces the lines of your thighs up, over your hip and under your shirt. You dig your nails into the firm muscle of his shoulder over the shirts and as the sighs and pants and moans echo around you two--the only thing the pair of you care about is each other.

Calum ruts his clothed hips into yours when you kiss over his jaw and take a nip at his ear. "Right for the weak spot," he chuckles as you kiss over his neck. And he knows you know it's his weak spot. He doesn't care that you go straight for it everytime because it's you causing the tingle that runs down his spine.

"Let me make love to you?"

And you never have to pose it like a sweet question. But fuck, does Calum love it when you do. That you care enough about him to make sure it's always a choice.

"Please," he returns, the word falling apart as he shivers at the scratch of your nails over his stomach. His shirt goes and then he peels you out of yours.

It doesn't matter that between the time it takes you two to get disrobed that Netflix has moved onward by another episode. Your sole focus is Calum and he watches you climb up onto his lap he thinks the galaxy should never revolve if you're not in it.

And you take it like you're made for him. And you are--in every imaginable way he can imagine, you are made for him. He kisses down the front of your neck as you rock up and down his length. You smile softly at him, using his thighs to keep steady and the expanse of your entire physical universe is right in his hands. He runs a hand over your stomach, watching the way it flexes when he presses in just a little.

And then he continues on wanting to memorize the entire makeup of your being and instead of his fingerprints he wants a tiny piece of your cosmos on his skin. He makes sure you tuck the DNA of your right hip into the grooves of his left index finger.

He trails up, teases your left nipple and then cups your chin. His thumb brushes over your gaped lips and the skin of your cheek is smooth too as his caresses that skin.

You feel electrified under his touch--as if Calum's the socket and you are the plug. You need whatever current he has to come alive. You enjoy it, watching him so entranced by you. You close the gap between the two of you, pressing your forehead into his. Though you haven't halted your movements over his length, you've changed the rhythm. "What is it that you see?" you ask between pants.

"I see my entire world in you," he hums and his eyes flutter close. The new angle, the new cadence of your hips is driving him wide. "Fuck, I need you--so much. You're making me feel so fucking good. Keep--oh shit--please keep going love. For me, please?"

"Oh, begging is to flattery as I am to the only one that makes you feel like this. Beg for it--for me, please?"

And the words can't fall from his lips fast enough--he can't tell you how good you're making him feel and how much the stars behind his eyelids are only brighter because it's your touch and your kiss. He can't tell you just how much his whole body is warmed--consumed by the heat of your touch. He can't tell you fast enough just how much not even his dreams get him this worked up, even if you're in it, because it's not really you; it's not really your touch.

You grin, kissing him to silence whatever praise is going to fall from his mouth next and swallow it down your own throat instead. "Thank you," you exhale when you finally pull away.

And Calum wants to say--no, thank you--but the only thing that falls from his throat is the groan. He knows he's going to cum soon and he holds tighter to your waist. His eyes flutter close and somehow the the lights of the living room are still bright too and he knows--it's all going to happen.

You watch the way his jaw goes slack and the way the sounds of what should be words never form around the letters and he's just grunting at the pace you've set. You grin, the surge of pride watching him wanting to plead more for your magic and yet not being able to have the literal strength to utter them in coherent ways.

You are pressing every button for Calum. You are every true north direction on a compass and Calum swears he's never going to get a higher high.

You can feel the start, the way he quakes beneath you and then like the shutter of a camera went off, Calum's cuming beneath you and you're not too far behind. He never lets you be. Calum manages to drive into you, watches the way your face falls slack too because of your own work and now his and you're panting--the chant of how close you are, of how much you loved seeing him unravel like that at your touch, how you feel the high even before it snaps.

Calum loves it--the way you grin after you've orgasmed and you're not fully back to earth with him. He loves coaxing you back down and he loves kissing you as you both giggle just a little.

Foreheads pressed together, you two smile at each other. "Hell of a way to make up for last week," he laughs.

[fangirl-writes]

Ghost of You

Calum Hood x Reader

Warning(s): death, mourning, Calum crying on stage. Angst.

Notes: I saw a video on tiktok of Cal singing his heart out to this song so here we are. Not revised, written in one session.

Summary: Based on the song Ghost Of You. 

The boys were hesitant to keep the tour dates after what happened. Everyone needs time and they thought that the space between the accident and the first show wasn’t long enough.

But Calum disagreed. He assured his bandmates that he would have no trouble by the time the show came around.

They were skeptical, argued with him to the contrary, but Calum just looked at them with tears in his brown eyes and said, “Please. Please let me do this. She would have wanted me to do what I love.”

They didn’t argue after that.

Calum woke up the morning before they hit the road facing the side of the bed that would never be filled again.

He can’t sleep there. He hasn’t even made an effort to make the bed, holding on to the last outlines of where you had once been.

The sheets were ruffled and the comforter was pushed near the end of the bed, your pillow was propped up against the headboard where you had been sitting, drinking out of your coffee cup.

The coffee cup that still sat on the bedside table just next to your side of the bed.

A small tear fell from Calum’s eye as he noticed the ever fading lipstick stain on the rim. A subtle, but pretty pink that you always wore. The one that would sometimes stain his cheek before he went out on stage.

He wiped the tear and tried to smile.

Oh, what you’d say if you could speak to him now. “Wipe those tears away, Cal. You’ll be just fine.”

I’ll be just fine. Calum thought. Eventually, I’ll be just fine.

He got up from the bed, not bothering to prepare himself for the day yet.

His suitcases sat fully packed by the door; ready to be loaded onto the tour bus for the next few months.

He always had more suitcases than you did, for obvious reasons. But he swore you could fit everything you owned in that one little suitcase. A suitcase that wouldn’t be used again, and probably wouldn’t leave the closet.

Calum sighed, pushing away the thoughts and walking out of the bedroom. Trying to drown the thoughts of you out, like he always did, trying to think of anything else.

But he found walking down that hallway to make it especially hard.

In that hallway, in those photos, he swears he can see the ghost of you.

The first one hanging there is a picture of you and him that he used to find almost hilarious to behold. It was an older one, back when they were just getting big and he was still a teenager, it was one of you and him, taken when you were just a fan. Someone Calum didn’t think he’d probably ever see again.

But life works in mysterious ways.

The one across from that was the most recent, it was a selfie you took at Michael and Crystal’s wedding. Your tongue was hanging out of your mouth and you’d made you eyes cross, Calum was making a duck face, doing the same to his eyes.

It never failed to make him laugh.

Next was your first paparazzi appearance. You joked it was your claim to fame, being followed and snapped in a professional photo with Cal. It wasn’t anything special, really. Just a picture of the two of you walking down a street in L.A, holding hands and decked out in what was probably your laziest outfits ever. Calum had on a dark pair of sunglasses and you were smiling up at him, probably about to crack a joke to get that stoic look off his face.

The rest were either family photos, photos of him and the boys, you and your friends, or just silly pictures of the two of you together.

He tried to walk as fast through that hall as he could, trying to keep the tears from reaching his eyes.

But he couldn’t take them down. It might kill him.

He made it to the kitchen with little resistance and poured himself his own cup of coffee, trying to focus on the upcoming tour and not think about you.

He had deleted social media off his phone. He couldn’t take the constant notifications and reminders and apologies from fans. They missed you too, but Calum missed you an ungodly amount more.

He frowned when he saw the empty vodka bottle sitting on his kitchen counter. God his place was a mess. He needed to at least clean up before he left, maybe that’d get his mind off things.

Put on some music. Yeah, that’d be okay.

He finished his cup of coffee, washing the mug before hurrying off to get the other tasks finished before he had to leave.

He took out the trash, cleaned out the fridge, put away his dishes, swept the floors, vacuumed the floors, cleaned the windows, dusted the shelves.

All that was left was laundry.

He made it to the laundry room easily. But once he was in there, nothing was harder.

He filled a load with his dirty clothes, turning on the machine before tentatively reaching for the basket that held yours.

He blinked back tears when he noticed the old Zeppelin shirt sitting in there. The one that your wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt.

“He’s a rockstar,” your family had said. “it won’t last.”

“I’m in love with him,” you had replied.

Too young, too dumb, to know things like love. Calum thought with a shake of his head. What did they know? But I know better, now.

Calum went through the rest of your clothes, a memory surfacing for almost each one. A old 5sos merch shirt that you’d worn on your first date, not even thinking about it. A pair of music note socks that he had a matching pair of. A pair of skinny jeans you had a love-hate relationship with. A white bra that you had thrown on stage at one of their concerts as a joke, only for it to end up catching on the neck of Calum’s bass.

He smiled at the memory. His entire face had gone bright red and he had looked down at you with an almost scandalized look. The other boys had to stop the song because they were laughing too hard.

He let your clothes lay back in the hamper after he was done. He didn’t see a reason to wash them yet.

But he tucked that old Zeppelin shirt into his travel bag.

He loaded his bags into the back of Michael’s car, ready to head to the bus. Crystal waved at him from the passenger seat, he waved back.

“You got your keys?”

Calum blinked, not even realizing he was going to need those now. “I didn’t even lock the door,”

Michael laughed, pushing his friend lightly towards his house again. “Go get them.”

Calum chuckled back, hurrying to do so.

It hadn’t even dawned on him that you wouldn’t be there to watch the house, that he needed to lock the door. He had already sent Duke to stay at Luke and Sierra’s but locking his door? He’d never even thought of it.

He grabbed his keys before pausing.

Yours were hanging there, too. A keychain with your initials on it dangling next to the keys.

He grabbed those instead.

“You ready for this, mate?” Ashton asked him as he slid into the back seat.

“Yeah,” Calum said, softly, caressing the keychain with his thumb. “Yeah, I am.”

And as Michael took off, looking back at his house, Calum could’ve sworn he saw the ghost of you.

***

The night was going great so far, the crowd was pumped up, screaming and hollering.

Cal had managed to get lost in the music, forgetting about his problems for hours.

Until the song he had been dreading all night.

He almost asked if they could take it off the setlist after he saw it.

But then they’d have given the sad, almost pitying look that they did when they talked about canceling the tour. And he didn’t think he could stand those looks again.

He took a deep breath as the piano notes began. He could do this.

“Let’s see those lights up in your hands,” Luke said, holding his arm up.

Calum reached his microphone and his breath caught in his throat.

Someone was holding a picture of you up. Almost as if they knew.

His eyes darted to a different part of the crowd only to find an even larger poster being held up and illuminated by the stage lights. It read your name, your birthday, and the day you-

Calum looked away again, trying to blink back tears.

“Wow look at all those-” Luke voice cracked and he cleared his throat. “Wow, you guys, this is...”

There were maybe hundreds of posters or photos being held up now along with the phone lights.

“You know, this is my first concert without her in a long time,” Calum found himself saying into the mic. “And this way she’s still here. Thank you guys. Thank you so much.”

The fans cried out in response and Calum cleared his throat, saying to his bandmates away from the mic. “Okay, let’s do this.”

Singing the song, Cal hadn’t realized how much it fit his situation until just then. He hoped it wasn’t some screwed up sort of fate that they would write this song and then he would lose you.

“So I drown it out like I always do,” Luke sang. “Dancing through our house...”

“With the ghost of you,” Calum chimed in, mind filled with thoughts of you. He didn’t drown them out this time, he just let them come.

“And I chase it down, with a shot of truth. Dancing through our house, with the ghost of you,”

“Too young... too dumb... to know things like love,” He could feel the tears falling down his cheeks. “Too young... too dumb...”

“You go!” Luke shouted, allowing the crowd to sing the chorus.

“So I drown it out like I always do,” They sang and Calum hung his head back, trying to hide his tears as he listened. “Dancing through our house. with the ghost of you.”

You would have loved this. You would have said that it gave you chills, hearing the crowd sing such a haunting song back to them.

“And I chase it down with a shot of truth. That my feet don't dance...”

“Like they did with you.” Luke sang the last line with the crowd before the stage went black and Calum rushed off to the side of the stage.

The boys followed quickly, wrapping him in a hug after they reached him, and for the first time since you’d been gone, Calum let himself just cry. He didn’t push it down or wipe his tears, he just cried. He let his best friends hold him and he cried.

But just there, like everywhere, wrapped in the arms of his friends, Calum could have sworn he felt the ghost of you.

[5sosfanfictioncatalogue]

Cashton Smut Masterlist

Chevy Malibu (ao3) - Lostideas M, 4k

Summary: Ashton’s name pops up from the top of his screen, a whatsapp message reading ‘outside’. Calum gets up, walks to his windows and peeks through the curtains. He can see Ashton’s chevy a bit further down the street, headlights turned off.

Calum carries his docs in his left hand as he sneaks out of his room.

or; Ashton picks Calum up in his car late at night sometimes. They scream into the void and love each other.

chips of glass (ao3) - asymmetric E, 40k

Summary: A month before 5 Seconds of Summer’s first gig, Calum puts up an ad on craigslist.

Ashton is the one who answers.

close enough to you (ao3) - irwah E, 5k

Summary: “But can’t we, like, just for tonight?”

Calum eyes Ashton warily, realising just how many drinks he must have had. It’s so unlike the boy to go against his own words, his own morals.

“I just, I really want you, Cal.”

Coy Fish - @daydadahlias​ (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) E, 19k

Summary: “Please don’t fuck our yoga instructor.” Michael massages his forehead, eyes squinting shut. “We’ll lose our discount.”

But that certainly won’t keep Calum from trying.

Dancing With The Radio Off (ao3) - fourdrunksluts E, 24k

Summary: After a particularly bad break up, Calum enacts a new rule for dating - no sex for ten dates. It’d be a lot easier if Ashton Irwin weren’t the one taking him out.

Empty Gut - @daydadahlias (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) E, 11k

Summary: Cowboys and horses and long, lonely nights in the wilderness.

fueling the fire until we combust (ao3) - nothingliketherain (39_killer_queen) E, 24k

Summary: Or things escalate one day when Ashton takes some pictures of Calum, unable to focus on anything but his lips.

give you what you need (ao3) - lourrygum E, 3k

Summary: “You know what you need?” Calum murmurs, pressing a kiss to Ashton’s collarbone, then another wetter, open-mouthed one. He presses his hips closer, right against Ashton’s in case he hadn’t got what Calum was trying to suggest.

“Cal,” Ashton says, voice thicker but commanding. Calum sighs again, in defeat this time, bottom lip jutting out although Ashton can’t see it. “We haven’t got the time.“

or, ashton is stressed and calum is worried

Grabby Hands (ao3) - antisocialhood N/R, 7k

Summary: Ashton likes wearing big sweaters, curling up with his daddy and sucking him off while they watch TV, and sometimes Calum likes to treat his princess to something special.

Heart's Citizen (ao3) - lookingforhope E, 10k

Summary: Calum sat next to the skirt, his fingers still on the fabric, and murmured, “Ash, I-“

“Are you about to apologise?“ Ashton cut him off. “It seems to me that you are. You think you’ve done something wrong? Or want something wrong? Do you feel like you have to explain yourself over this?” he gestured to the skirt. “ ‘Cause you fucking don’t!”

Or

Being truth to yourself might be scary. Being truth to yourself in front of the world might be even scarier. Ashton helps Calum to do both things.

home is where the heart is (ao3) - vlossoms E, 5k

Summary: Ashton sighs and closes his eyes, trying to quickly fall asleep only to hear the sound of the door opening and someone shuffling quietly in. He tries to ignore the other person, he really does, but when he hears them coming closer, Ashton can’t help but groan quietly. He lifts his head and, whoa, the boy is gorgeous. Ashton has known he was gay for years, his mom is okay with it and so it he, and he can't help wishing this boy was his soulmate.

See, the thing is, the boy is stunning. Beautiful tan skin, a few shades darker than Ashton's, with soft-looking fluffy brown hair, and those eyes. Those eyes look like they hold the secrets to the universe, with a beautiful chocolate brown color that never stop sparkling.

Howdy, Partner - @daydadahlias​ (cornflowerblue (daydadahlias)) E, 7k

Summary: When Ashton slipped on that tasseled jacket and those boots, he fucking knew what he was doing.

When he strolled into the party with a bright dimpled grin, put two long fingers on the brim of his hat and tipped it to Calum with a gruff, “Howdy, partner,” he’d known full fucking well what he was doing.

if there’s one thing i know it’s that we’re good together (ao3) - irwah E, 3k

Summary: “It isn’t that weird, really, if you think about it. Ashton is just one guy, a guy who spends a lot of time working out. And he’s admiring his best friend working out, his technique, his breathing pattern - totally normal things he observes in other people when he’s at the gym.

Except it is weird. Because he’s not admiring Calum’s technique, he’s admiring Calum’s abs, the way the sweat is pooling in the dips between muscles, the way his shoulder muscles clench with the force it takes him to do a sit up. He’s not admiring Calum’s technique so much as admiring his body.”

or: Cashton fuck in a gym

Magnet Souls (ao3) - jbhmalum E, 42k

Summary: Ashton loves sex a whole lot, Calum hates the thought of it. They’re soulmates. Alternatively, a story about self-respect and compromise in the name of love.

photo (ao3) - orphan_account N/R, 3k

Summary: calum and ashton add a pretty little photo to their collection of casual sex pictures.

So Much Better (ao3) - cashcakeplz N/R, 84k

Summary: This is good, good for Ashton. He works so hard, always taking care of the boys, he deserves someone who will take his mind off of things, even for a couple of hours to get coffee. Maybe it’ll make him better, and by extension, the band better. Maybe Bryana is a good thing for everyone. Yet, even now, as Calum tries to think of how great Bryana could be for Ashton, he can’t help but think that he would be so much better.

Or the one where Calum and Ashton have been Friends With Benefits for years, and Calum thought his feelings for Ashton were simply sexual until Bryana came into the picture.

studying is(n't) hard (ao3) - sunshineashton M, 1k

Summary: Ashton thinks of a different way to make Calum study for his bio exam.

Taking Turns (ao3) - sonofneverland M, 1k

Summary: Boyfriend's Ashton and Calum try switching things up in the bedroom.

[writteninthesewalls28]

Family

A story about a girl wanting to find out the truth

A/n: Fifth chapter, here we go. (And just a reminder again, this is all reposted from my main blog so I have it on here as well and everyone can read them!)

Warnings: none

Milly's POV:

It was a real wonder I made it home safely with all the tears messing up my sight while driving. I sat at the house for at least 2 hours, but no one ever came or saw me. Not a single soul. So, as lonely and broken as I was, I decided to drive back home. To Calum. I didn’t quite know how to feel about him. Will he be mad? Will he be happy when I return?

I parked my car in front of our huge house and checked my Make-Up before I stepped out of the car. Like I expected- A complete mess. It was impossible for me to fix, so Calum will basically notice right away that I'm not feeling so good, that something bad happened. But is that really that bad? Calum has always been a very caring boyfriend who always wanted to make sure I'm okay, even though he tends to get a bit too worried about me sometimes.

Still, there is only one way to find out, what has happened in the time, I was away. Stepping in front of the door, I took my keys out of my pocket and opened the door.

"…he can talk to her" was the first thing I heard when I stepped into the house. I immediately spotted Calum in the living room on the sofa, which you could see from the front door. He was on the phone, talking to someone, but right now, his eyes only laid on me. I laid my keys down, slipped out of my shoes and jacket and walked towards him, already preparing myself for the worried asks, what has happened to me. But, against all my expectations, Calum just handed me his phone without saying a single word.

"Hello?" I asked softly in the speaker, having no idea which voice to expect to hear now.

"Hello Milly. Would you mind, if I’d give you to Lou so he can talk to you?" That was Harry's voice. Why is he talking to my boyfriend? These two haven’t had a conversation since 2017.

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

He sighed.

"Well, I should better ask you that question…" before I could ask him, what he meant with that, Louis held the phone.

"Mildred Tomlinson, what were you thinking? Only leaving that single, confusing message behind and not answering your phone for the next 8 hours?" Wow, that felt like an actual bomb exploded right next to me. Calum probably felt it too because he put his arm gentle around my waist, giving me a safe feeling.

"Louis, I—" I thought he was the one, who understood my decision, who'd help me no matter what. I totally did not expect this, any of this.

“I knew this would only cause trouble! You do know I'm the one who should protect you, right? But you make it very hard for me to try and not loose you like we lost Fizz." He said, getting more angry with every word he said.

He brought Fizz into this. He mentioned her.

"Louis, if you haven’t noticed, I am 25 years old. I don’t need your protection and you will never ever use Fizz, our Fizz, as an example like this ever again! She was my sis too.” At the last sentence my voice cracked like it never did before which only caused Calum to hug me even tighter and my eyes filled with tears again.

"Milly, then at least tell me what you found out today. Was it worth making me worry so much?" You could hear how he was just waiting for me to tell him I screwed up. A big lump started to form in my throat as soon as I saw the ultrasound images in front of my inner eye and how I basically found out nothing. I stared into nothing, thought going absolutely crazy. What should I say now? Should I share the only piece of my parents that I have with them?

"I can end this call if you’re too uncomfortable" I frightened at Cals voice being so close to my ear as he whispered the words to me. But I shook my head.

"As you said, I sent you a message, being not entirely useless since you probably read I was at the youth welfare office. They didn’t give me much, names and an address. And they were married and lived together at the time. I drove to the house and… um—“ The tears streaming down my face made it really hard for me to continue talking. I tried to order my thoughts and what I wanted to say.

"The house was empty." I mumbled under my breath. I hid my face in my own hands and cried, soft sobs coming out of my mouth. I told everyone I will do this alone and that I will succeed. But as always I'm a failure, the black sheep of the family, not belonging to anyone. Only causing problems.

Ignoring Calum, who moved closer to me, both of his huge arms wrapped around me, I tried to fumble the 4 little pictures put of my pockets.

My eyes only focused on these tiny leftover images, I said:

"I’m sorry Louis. You are right, I only cause trouble in this family and make you worry too much. I'll stop, I'll leave you alone now." And clicked on the red button on the phone's display.

Calum’s POV:

It hurts seeing his girlfriend like that, the girl who always wants to be strong for everyone, who wants to be perfect, wants to do everything right. Calum tries explaining to her, that everyone makes mistakes and has weak moments, but she never listens. And one thing Calum knew for sure: Milly is the most afraid of making one of her siblings mad or to give them a reason to think less of her.

That exactly this happened right now, in a moment Calum noticed right away she wasn’t feeling well, made his heart break into a million pieces. She didn’t deserve to hear all of the things her brother said to her during that phone call. She didn’t deserve to find the empty house and the strange looking ultrasound images she holds tightly in her hands.

All he wanted, was to ask her what exactly happened in the last few hours that he wasn’t with her, but deep down he knew, it would only make her even more uncomfortable. So all he did, was sitting there, hugging her from behind and making sure she's safe with him.

"You are an amazing woman, you know that, right?" He whispered into her left ear and didn’t get a reaction.

"Mills? You do know that, right?" He asked one more time, watching her closely.

"Cal, I never did anything correctly." She then whispered back. That response made everything in his body shake.

"Milly, never say that again! You maybe made one mistake right now, by not checking your phone. But you did it, you tried finding them." He said, in an attempt to comfort his girlfriend.

"…But—“

"Nah, there is no 'but'." He interrupted her and took a deep breath. "Who cares, you didn’t find out much! You did it, you had the strength to go and take the first step!" His arms still around her, he looked at her face, noticing a slight change in her face expression.

"Do I see a small smile on your beautiful lips there?” He asked her cheekily. She chuckled at that sentence and cuddled back into the strong body of her boyfriend, feeling more relaxed.