#i say old but he’s what like 40

[osamucide]

NSFW—MDNI

boyfriend!Toji who swears he’s out of the game. he’s done the thing, got married and had a kid—when he starts dating you he promises himself it’s for companionship purposes only. he’s a lonely old man; he wants someone to fuck on, someone to kiss at night, someone to fill a certain void he’s got trouble placing let alone admitting to himself. you make him feel young and hot—the way your fingers creep up the faint trail of hair on his toned stomach, the way you lick his pecs and suck on his nipples and draw sounds out of him he’s not sure he’s ever heard before; you beg to ride his toned abs, beg to hump his muscular thigh, beg to squeeze his big ol’ tittes because the more of him to love, the better. not soon enough, it seems, it’s you begging him to fuck his fat load into you with his even fatter cock—you’ve got your hands on his abdomen, his hips, his chest, not pushing him away but pulling him ever closer, wanting to feel him, more, more, more; you want as much of him as you can get.

only when he’s fiancé!Toji does he really realize what you’re doing—you’ve done some sort of witchcraft on him. you’ve had to. no matter how much he hits the gym, he’s filling out in ways he never thought he would. you notice, too—but it doesn’t seem to bother you. quite the opposite, actually. when he turns to the side in the mirror, analyzing his gut—all the beer must finally be catching up to him, or maybe it’s your cooking—you just wrap yourself around him and dig your fingers into the layer of plush forming around his waist. the pretty little rock he put on your finger glints in the mirror and steals his attention for a second until you’re burying your face in his shoulder, your hands dancing beneath the waistline of his sweatpants—beneath his tummy—to tease the thick bush you insisted he stop grooming so vigilantly because you don’t mind, you had said with a hint of something else behind your coy smile. you hum as you take in his smell, grin as his cock twitches to life between your fingers, laugh a little when his back arches the slightest bit into you.

husband!Toji’s aware of what you’ve done, but he loves you too damn much to care. all of his musculature is soft and full, no longer hard and sinewy, and he’s never clean-shaven. you even implored him to let the tuft of hair on his chest—the one he was so unsure about—sprawl across his (now squishy) pecs and you just bask in him. you take your time with your husband—you bite the stretch marks on his biceps from his years of training, now cracking further, prettier, pinker under your hand. you grab on his lovehandles while you ride him—there’s far more room to dig your signature in with your nails after you’ve fed him so well. you bury your nose in the thick happy trail on his cute, round stomach before you suck him, seemingly worshipping every hair on his pelvis prior to taking him in your mouth. his fat balls seem bigger, saggier—you love fitting your lips around them, hearing him croon and call you dollface. his thighs, still strong but fluffier with both hair and chub, squeeze your head so lovingly when you go down on him; you squeeze them back with just as much adoration.

it’s no wonder Toji let you pull him off the bench. not only does he still feel young and hot, despite everything he thought would go out the window the second you started making him pasta in exchange for your orgasms and begging him to stay home and cuddle instead of going to hit arms—he feels okay with getting old, because you still think he’s the hottest man you’ve ever laid eyes on as long as you’ve got all of him to love.

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[totoochristianwolff]

TODAY SHOW TIKTOK [source]

[lucifer-kane]

[rileys-battlecats]

PSA, keep your dog on a leash when you're in a public, unfenced area. dedicated to the lady that just tried to reassure me, "no she's nice! put your dog down! she's nice!" babe i believe you when you say your dog is nice. what you have not considered is that the dog I am holding is NOT nice and WILL attempt to attack your dog if I put him down. also we are RIGHT next to a busy road and there is Nothing stopping your dog from running into traffic. pls put her on a leash im literally begging you it is SO dangerous for her to not be on a leash here

[arcanemadman]

Netflixvania fans will hate Mariacard because one's 16 and the other's an adult after shipping and continuing to ship Trephacard, which has a teenager shipped with two adults

EDIT: Okay I know this isn't obvious but it needs to be said, Netflix Maria uses the design of 12 year old Maria, but she's actually 16. SOTN Maria is 17, which makes her a year older than Netflix Maria. If there was a 5 year time skip in the show, that would make Maria 21.

[cleromancy]

something i do find a bit funny about venom is like. vaping in the 80s. being 40 or 50 something years old in 1984 and listening to joy division and the cure which. admittedly i could be wrong but i was under the impression the bulk of their listeners in the 80s wouldve skewed like. teens and young adults? Anyway who told this middle aged man in 1984 about mix tapes because i know he knows about them i know hes making them

i also know ocelot rhapsodizes about the superior sound quality of record players and venom tunes him out. maybe he likes a music player he doesnt have to tape pennies to to keep the song from skipping, ocelot

anyway rip venom snake you would have loved the ipod nano rip venom snake you would have loved t9 texting and using the worlds shittiest cellphone camera to take blurry pictures of a cool bug

[vancalox]

who do i have to seduce at bioware to guarantee a moment in veilguard where lavellan gets to tell solas to grow up. just point me in their general direction and i'll take it from there

[just-rainbow-thoughts]

I got sick so now I’m fucking with this pathetic old man as an act of silent rage

[llycaons]

me and a beloved mewtual going LITERALLY and EXACTLYY to each other as we reaffirm a core part of the story being wwx's overall journey in his social dynamics to stability and security as he goes, not without tragedy and loss, but from a contentious and unsupportive main relationship in a hostile social setting that degenerates quickly into dysfunction and instability and violence to end up with a supportive and healthy and happy life partnership with someone whose main life goals involve taking care of him

[pumpkinrootbeer]

sorry for haymitch posting constantly but the funniest thing to me is in his games there was nothing outwardly suggesting everything was poison but his paranoid ass saw fresh water and went "it's a trap" and the hilarious part is he was right

[midnightwind]

I am once more begging games to make age ranges more obvious

[suddenlymicah]

has anyone considered henry possessing glamrock freddy or am i being a little silly right now

[lucifer-kane]

idk if I'll draw this but I just had the visual of a two piece thing of Warren stealing a cigarette out of Gordon's pack while he's not around and the guy hasn't smoked since he was sixteen. He takes one drag and starts coughing up a lung and Gordon finds him and absolutely dunks on him for it

[my-thoughts-and-junk]

i think originally they planned to make jerry a college student who impregnanted a seventeen-year-old beth until they realized that would make him basically unredeemable in the eyes of the audience

[sqlmn]

OC RNG stuff.

-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)