#i say old but he’s what like 40

[osamucide]

NSFW—MDNI

boyfriend!Toji who swears he’s out of the game. he’s done the thing, got married and had a kid—when he starts dating you he promises himself it’s for companionship purposes only. he’s a lonely old man; he wants someone to fuck on, someone to kiss at night, someone to fill a certain void he’s got trouble placing let alone admitting to himself. you make him feel young and hot—the way your fingers creep up the faint trail of hair on his toned stomach, the way you lick his pecs and suck on his nipples and draw sounds out of him he’s not sure he’s ever heard before; you beg to ride his toned abs, beg to hump his muscular thigh, beg to squeeze his big ol’ tittes because the more of him to love, the better. not soon enough, it seems, it’s you begging him to fuck his fat load into you with his even fatter cock—you’ve got your hands on his abdomen, his hips, his chest, not pushing him away but pulling him ever closer, wanting to feel him, more, more, more; you want as much of him as you can get.

only when he’s fiancé!Toji does he really realize what you’re doing—you’ve done some sort of witchcraft on him. you’ve had to. no matter how much he hits the gym, he’s filling out in ways he never thought he would. you notice, too—but it doesn’t seem to bother you. quite the opposite, actually. when he turns to the side in the mirror, analyzing his gut—all the beer must finally be catching up to him, or maybe it’s your cooking—you just wrap yourself around him and dig your fingers into the layer of plush forming around his waist. the pretty little rock he put on your finger glints in the mirror and steals his attention for a second until you’re burying your face in his shoulder, your hands dancing beneath the waistline of his sweatpants—beneath his tummy—to tease the thick bush you insisted he stop grooming so vigilantly because you don’t mind, you had said with a hint of something else behind your coy smile. you hum as you take in his smell, grin as his cock twitches to life between your fingers, laugh a little when his back arches the slightest bit into you.

husband!Toji’s aware of what you’ve done, but he loves you too damn much to care. all of his musculature is soft and full, no longer hard and sinewy, and he’s never clean-shaven. you even implored him to let the tuft of hair on his chest—the one he was so unsure about—sprawl across his (now squishy) pecs and you just bask in him. you take your time with your husband—you bite the stretch marks on his biceps from his years of training, now cracking further, prettier, pinker under your hand. you grab on his lovehandles while you ride him—there’s far more room to dig your signature in with your nails after you’ve fed him so well. you bury your nose in the thick happy trail on his cute, round stomach before you suck him, seemingly worshipping every hair on his pelvis prior to taking him in your mouth. his fat balls seem bigger, saggier—you love fitting your lips around them, hearing him croon and call you dollface. his thighs, still strong but fluffier with both hair and chub, squeeze your head so lovingly when you go down on him; you squeeze them back with just as much adoration.

it’s no wonder Toji let you pull him off the bench. not only does he still feel young and hot, despite everything he thought would go out the window the second you started making him pasta in exchange for your orgasms and begging him to stay home and cuddle instead of going to hit arms—he feels okay with getting old, because you still think he’s the hottest man you’ve ever laid eyes on as long as you’ve got all of him to love.

[noelledeltarune]

EVERY SINGLE DAY there are MILLIONS of characters in their late 20s who get falsely accused of being father figures to teenagers when in reality the description of "weird older cousin" or "step-sibling that moved out before you were born" is 1000000x more apt

[varreblogger]

i’m going to be honest the real enemy is people who saw a grown adult man using feminine speech/mannerisms and were like oh well that means i have to draw him soooo thin and tiny and waifish. obviously

[beneathsilverstars]

i keep adding things to this one post and then realizing they'd make more sense as a separate post. so here's how the party explained what happened in dagger ending au to bonnie:

Siffrin was very sad and worried about everyone leaving, because he was alone before he met us and he didn't want to be alone again. But he didn't talk about it because we all had plans that seemed very important, and he didn't want to get in the way, and he didn't want to admit that he didn't have anything else to do. It sounds pretty silly when you put it like that, but the rest of us were nervous to admit how much we cared about each other, too! Sometimes it's hard to tell someone how important they are to you, if you don't know whether you're important to them.

During the quest it was okay, because Siffrin knew we would stay together until Vaugarde was saved. But getting to Dormont meant the quest was almost over, and they got so upset at the idea of everyone leaving, that they didn't really care about what they were doing. Why did it matter what happened to them, when they were going to be sad and alone tomorrow either way? So they weren't very careful while they were training, and they got hurt. Luckily Odile saw, and Mirabelle healed them right up.

Now, he's really glad that we all decided to stay together longer! But he might still feel worried for a while, because it's hard to believe that everyone isn't leaving, after he's been dreading it for so long. And sometimes when you're sad for a long time, your brain just tries to keep being sad even when there isn't any reason to be. But if we keep reminding him that we love him just as much as he loves us, it'll start to stick in his brain better! We might also need to remind him to be careful and take care of himself, because that can be hard to remember when you're sad. And while he practices that, we can help take care of him, too!

[totoochristianwolff]

TODAY SHOW TIKTOK [source]

[lucifer-kane]

[rileys-battlecats]

PSA, keep your dog on a leash when you're in a public, unfenced area. dedicated to the lady that just tried to reassure me, "no she's nice! put your dog down! she's nice!" babe i believe you when you say your dog is nice. what you have not considered is that the dog I am holding is NOT nice and WILL attempt to attack your dog if I put him down. also we are RIGHT next to a busy road and there is Nothing stopping your dog from running into traffic. pls put her on a leash im literally begging you it is SO dangerous for her to not be on a leash here

[carfuckingdragon]

assume no paradox can happen. multiverse time travel or clones or something. whatever u prefer 👍

[midnightwind]

hhhhuh there's.... there's a decent chance that a Rook de Riva would have been there when Viago took control of the House.... might have even helped....

[anqelbean]

"Oh haha, Mo Ran fucked that old man—" that "old man" was 33 when they got together

[silverselfshippingchaos]

the fact that j.oongi doesn't show up until the second to last chapter of y.akuza 8.............. how else am I gonna be motivated to play? /j

[arcanemadman]

Netflixvania fans will hate Mariacard because one's 16 and the other's an adult after shipping and continuing to ship Trephacard, which has a teenager shipped with two adults

EDIT: Okay I know this isn't obvious but it needs to be said, Netflix Maria uses the design of 12 year old Maria, but she's actually 16. SOTN Maria is 17, which makes her a year older than Netflix Maria. If there was a 5 year time skip in the show, that would make Maria 21.

[cleromancy]

something i do find a bit funny about venom is like. vaping in the 80s. being 40 or 50 something years old in 1984 and listening to joy division and the cure which. admittedly i could be wrong but i was under the impression the bulk of their listeners in the 80s wouldve skewed like. teens and young adults? Anyway who told this middle aged man in 1984 about mix tapes because i know he knows about them i know hes making them

i also know ocelot rhapsodizes about the superior sound quality of record players and venom tunes him out. maybe he likes a music player he doesnt have to tape pennies to to keep the song from skipping, ocelot

anyway rip venom snake you would have loved the ipod nano rip venom snake you would have loved t9 texting and using the worlds shittiest cellphone camera to take blurry pictures of a cool bug

[kingslionheart]

whats the weirdest thing you’ve ever normalised

i wanted to try to find something a bit lighter to say but there's genuinely nothing light in anything weird that i have normalised, SO.

i guess the weirdest thing i have normalised is exclusion, like actively excluding people and being very open about it. i wasn't the one doing that, it was done to me in middle school and that was part of the bullying i was subjected to, tho the adults (especially the teachers) were the ones who made me normalise it and bullying in general, because they constantly repeated to me like on a daily basis that bullying didn't exist and neither did exclusion, and therefore of course A 12 YEARS OLD IS GOING TO NORMALISE THAT

[rosykims]

who do i have to seduce at bioware to guarantee a moment in veilguard where lavellan gets to tell solas to grow up. just point me in their general direction and i'll take it from there

[just-rainbow-thoughts]

I got sick so now I’m fucking with this pathetic old man as an act of silent rage