#i rly told myself this year i will get down to it and work on everything
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OC masterpost :)
egressregress- a short story centering three people in a post-apocalyptic society trying to survive the world and each other. cooper, dahlia, and elliot are three people largely isolated from any other survivors because of their own choices and are stuck relying on each other, despite the distrust and hatred they hold for each other
ITAFD (short for "is that a fucking dog?")- zoey is working the graveyard shift one day when she witnesses the fall of an angel. after finding out that this angel is tied to the recent death of her twin brother the two, along with a demon who claims to have the answers they are looking for and a terrified pizza boy, set out to find the cause of her brothers death and to try and restore the angels place in heaven
unnamed story 1- claire foster has spent years on his own after his actions lead to the death of his father. after meeting a young woman named amber, the two and their group of friends get caught up in a turf war between a local vampire coven and a mysterious, underground group rumored to be seeking immortality
unnamed story 2- an elite team of scientists and soldiers is sent to investigate a newly discovered and rapidly spreading disease that is rumored to cause rapid physical mutations to the host. the story follows leah, scientist on the team, as she tries to conduct her research while hiding powers that seem to have ties to the disease
unnamed story 3- a game where you help rebuild a mostly abandoned town, meeting, befriending, and maybe even learning to love the variety of monster people who live in and come to town. with a large list of possible residents you can choose from you will design your own unuque town as you farm, cook, trade, build, and design homes for your new friends
[placeholder name] the party- a point-and-click style game where you play as a university student named katherin who is stressed out at a house party and trying to find her ride so she can go home. explore the house and have conversations with people from her life from both the past and present, helping other partygoers on the way
misc other- [this list will once i finish ideally have links to separate posts with more in-depth summaries and descriptions of characters. this section will contain other ocs without their own contained universe or ones without much worldbuilding to it just yet]
#et cetera#my ocs#again ive probably done this before ubt im trying to make a PROPER thing for myself#these are very brief bc i do not have much in the terms of actual full stories plotted out. smiles#i rly told myself this year i will get down to it and work on everything#i dont expect to be able to actually put anything out there this year at all but if i can get started on putting things together#then its possible i could actually do it at SOME point. ykwim?#sprry for none of them having names i really cant think of anything LOLLLL#anyways runs away
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hi i just wanted to be a little vulnerable with you guys today to mark a year after my breakup.
idk if its 2nd june yet for you guys but its alr 2nd here. and this day last year, i found enough courage in me to break up with my ex boyfriend. and im so proud of myself for making it a year with my sanity intact because i thought my life was over this time last year.
he was my first ever actual boyfriend and id been dating him since before i was 15 so nearly 3 years. in those 3 years that we were together, he manipulated me, isolated me from my friends, filmed me without my consent, forced me to perform sexual acts with him in public, near his friends and eventually SA'd me.
i know i couldve said no or pushed him off or broken up with him anytime in those 3 years but i felt so scared. more scared of losing him than my myself i think. when he got mad he got mad mad. and he would say these things about how i couldnt survive a day without him (this was in relation to my health, i have rly bad anemia and i used to faint rly often back then)
he would feed me food and take care of me when my health was off so i ended up feeling like i owed him anything that he asked of me because he took care of me. but really it was all just control, he controlled how much i ate and when, how much money i spent and where (eventhough it was my own)
he didnt like that i talked to my friends about us so i cut them off and for the longest time i was stuck in this toxic environment without realising it. i was ready to move out of my house for him.
but eventually it started chipping on my sanity little by little. i started noticing little things like how he was okay w having his hand in my pants in public but wouldnt hold my hand while walking. how he took pictures of me and told me it was just for hum but his friends would comment about it, how he would treat me if i didnt have sex with him that week. how he used to force feed me food when i couldn't finish it, how he used to take my money away when i spent too much that month.
it all boiled down to huge fight and i confronted him, even then, i was still trying to make it work. but then he cheated on me to "teach me a lesson" and when i threatened to leave him, he let his friends have their way with me. they filmed the whole thing, and sent it along w a lot of my nudes to my whole school.
he was 18 at the time and i was still 17 so he couldve been booked for cp but i was too pussy to go to the cops. thankfully, i had a lot of friends in my school before i met him, and these ppl stood up for me, i never thought almost all of the 300 people in my class would turn on him and collectively delete my tape. im so so grateful for them.
i broke up with him june 2nd 2024 and went through the most depressing part of my life for 6 months after that. unlearning all that he had taught me was a shit show and i wouldnt wish it on anyone. its been a year, im 18 now and i feel happier and stronger and more in control than i ever did. im so proud of myself for making it because there have been a few attempts along the line.
idk why but i just felt like finally talking about it after a year is a good way to end that chapter of my life. if you are going through anything similar, please remember it will get better eventually and there are so many people who care enough to help you. me included. my asks and dms are always open if you need help 💕
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hello hello good morning everypony
roller skating was literally perfect last night. the rink was pretty empty and calm, so i was able to practice without worrying about running into any rowdy children. still working on my crossovers and a friend at the rink told me my backward skating has improved a lot :D
i do feel like ive really got the flow of it down now. i just want to find different ways of building momentum backward. rn I just do like a one leg bubble and that works pretty well, but i just want to experiment a lil and find something i like more.
i neeeeeed to practice using my toe stops lol. I've been skating almost a year now and i still get too scared to use them. i usually use a "plow stop" which is just going on your outside edges to lose momentum. i feel like having more ways to stop would help me feel safer around the children...
i also figured out that part of my struggle with crossovers is just that I'm not very good at going on my left outside edge. so i need to find some ways to practice that.
i skated rly hard though and I'm proud of myself. v tired, but proud.
going to a concert tonight! local metal show. v excited abt that. im gonna get in the mosh pit for sureee.
and then I'm going rock climbing tomorrow! I've been wanting to try that forever, so I'm also v excited about that c:
I'd like to go skating on sunday too but idk I might be too tired bc of everything else I'm doin. we'll seeeeee.
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very negative / vent
feel so free to Not Read This i just need to yell somewhere for a bit. probably tbd idk
i'm Not Doing Good rn
i'm trying to not feed the doom & gloom atm but it's really hard...
everything is just rly hard
i'm in pain so often. i'm in pain rn
get told my opinions are wrong too often and it really fucking sucks. hello?? subjectivity???
currently living in genuinely disgusting conditions. not figuratively, not "oh the house is dusty," but conditions that are actually really unhealthy for everyone - while being immunocompromised!
my brother is useless, my mom is struggling, my dad is a horrible human being
and despite it all...!
i'm fucking nice. i'm patient and i'm courteous. i listen when ppl talk, even when it's hard for me (hello audhd)
i'm constantly working on myself
i'm trying to participate in fandom and uplift ppl - and i do this because i want to! bc i value it!
and sometimes it just feels like ppl take. not everyone, obviously. but some. i feel like i don't matter as a person to them, just as a... sort of background cheerleader. i don't want to be that. i don't want to be a footnote. that's not friendship
ofc many of my relationships are friendships, and i value them all. but the ones that aren't wear on me and i try to give things time to see where they're going but idk... i just don't know
i wish something would give. i have to lay down so many times every day. i wear a mask indoors, both to hopefully not catch covid if someone brings it home and bc of odors
i'm fucking sober now. stopped smoking weed like idek... a year ago? so i'm not even leaning on that
my mom is my dad's caretaker and i'm my mom's caretaker and my mom's fucking therapist and my brother is, as i said, useless
and i'm still trying to find work that i can do except everything is fucking awful and nightmarish
and i'm just... what the fuck am i supposed to do here? seriously, what?
and y'know what! y'know what's been getting under my skin BAD lately? my dad has NPD, narcissistic personality disorder. he's also abused this family for longer than i've been alive
i still have managed to not believe that NPD = Bad Evil Person Disorder
i try not to compare myself to others, in either direction, but fr, it is so fucking maddening to see the NPD Ppl Are Evil shit coming up courtesy of fandom and having to realize that so many ppl who have had a bad experience with a single person with NPD have totally villainized the entire disorder. like fucking grow up, work on yourself, you're literally being ableist and it's not impossible even when your abuser has NPD
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hello hello! im interested in watching some new anime this year and my fave animes r sailor moon, madoka magica, and ouran high school host club. i especially love a silly funny slice of life show. what r the top 3 youd recommend as fitting the bill?
CRACKS MY LIL KNUCKLES
okay so out of all the anime ive ever seen, know, or like i think these animes would maybe fit your fancy:
Revolutionary Girl Utena.
spoke about it in my last ask so u can find more info there if u havent already seen it, but please anyone reading this, if u havent seen this anime please PLEASE go watch it. trigger warnings for the things i discussed in the last ask i answered, but it is beautifully animated, it crafts a deep, meaningful, and impactful story about breaking down the patriarchal ideals of what it means to be a "prince" and "princess". how society tries to assign us these roles based off of our gender or sex, and how they affect both men and women in terms of toxic masculinity, and how young girls and women pay the price for it. it is often told in heavy symbolism and metaphors or through a fairy tale like lens, but it all has a purpose. theres a ton of symbolic meaning in it that i still dont understand, even after my most recent rewatch. its stunning, and its queer as hell! directed by none other than kunihiko ikuhara, if anyone is familiar with any of his other popular works (such as the sailor moon R movie, yurikuma arashi, and penguindrum)
2) CLANNAD
HEAR ME OUT i ADORE clannad it is one of my top 5 animes ever and it is BEAUTIFUL. its two seasons total, produced by kyoani, and it is funny, charming, beautiful, and tragic. the second season is its most acclaimed, because After Story is just....breathtaking, but the first season rly starts off good too. the humor is so fucking good, i found myself laughing my ass off all through both seasons and it reads as a harem, but it doesnt follow the exact same harem tropes because the main guy has always had eyes for one girl since day 1 so....sorry ladies this is nagisa's house. also it is based off of an old 2000s otome game so thats why too. but clannad follows the main story, nagisa's route.
the story is essentially about a high schooler named Tomoya Okazaki who hates his dad, the town he lives in, and himself. and on the hill going to school one day he meets a senior, Nagisa Furukawa, and she's talking to herself to calm herself down because she's afraid to go back to school. tomoya overhears and it kinda...resonates with him. so he basically says theyll do it together. and so kicks off their story, about how nagisa's passion to follow her dreams before her senior year is over warms up tomoya's frozen heart and they fall for each other. it has a good cast of characters, like the girls in the cover shown and more, and its a slice of life, drama. beautiful 10/10 definitely recommend. get ur tissues ready tho i will warn u, i stayed crying like a baby lolol
3) Cardcaptor Sakura
another magical girl series if u havent already seen it! a classic among the magical girl genre, i offer you CLAMP's probably highest grossing series, cardcaptor sakura! i grew up on this anime, and im talkin GREW UP i was 9 when i watched this anime in japanese on youtube in 3 parts lmao (i was not fuckin with that 4kids dub ngl) and i adore this anime. granted it is a CLAMP creation, therefore there are some Questionable things in there, but the story, art style, characters, and magic are rly fun!!! plus....SYAORAN LI UM HELLO??? MY SON???? total tsundere brat, but hes a dream boat too yknow????
i wassss going to recommend Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle as my third ngl, because it does have sakura and syaoran as their main protagonists in trc, as well as many other clamp characters (mcu who?) buttttttt tsubasa is always a shot in the dark to recommend to people because 1) the anime sucks. if u want the true, authentic story u gotta read the manga. i am rolling around in my grave for all eternity until tsubasa gets a manga-faithful anime adaptation....and 2) not a lot of people like tsubasa because its unnecessarily convoluted lolol there are definitely gripes i have with certain aspects of its story, but i adore that manga with all my being it is sooo so good.
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Third surgery of the year went rocky yesterday. I have cried a lot in the last 48 hours. My mom and husband came with me and my mom was able to stay with all the way up to laying down for surgery bc babe had a therapy appointment i wanted him to go to and he agreed. My nurse was so nice and sweet but she tried and failed once to get my IV in. Then the anesthesiologist came in and was a very quiet man. And he sat and picked and prodded at my right hand for about 30 minutes. He tried twice with a lidocaine shot each time before he finally got an iv placed on the inside of my right wrist the third try, also with a lidocaine shot first. I sobbed the whole time. I barely remember walking to the surgery room and laying on the table. Then i woke up holding my moms hand so confused and then in 10/10 pain in my left arm where they took more of my arm out. I screamed and sobbed in pain. I asked Mom “where is Tyler?? Where is babe?!” I didnt even open my eyes i was crying in so much pain. My mom told me they couldnt reach him and i sobbed even harder, terrified. Tyler walked in abt 3 minutes later. His phone wasnt getting calls and he literally sped from home when he saw the voicemail notification. They held my hands as the nurses pushed a bit more pain and anxiety meds and i sobbed in pain. It took a while to get me to Tyler’s truck. I puked twice before i got home, revisiting the apple juice i had tried right after waking up and coming to. Once home i slept a lot on the couch. In and out of consciousness. Tyler stress cleaned our kitchen building our new shelf for our pantry and even selling our dog crate we’ve been needing to sell. So he was very productive awesomely while i was in and out of sleepy town.
Our dog Jupiter, his timing impeccable as always, had diarrhea and pukey all night so we were up every twoish hours having Tyler take him outside again and again. I woke up each time but had to stay on the couch. It was a very rough night.
Today has been the day after surgery and the pain has been so severe. I am staying on top of my pain meds. And thankfully i have been able to eat and drink just fine. The pain is just incredible and severe. We had to take the bandage off and clean it tonight and i sobbed thru the whole thing in agony. Tyler was so patient and gentle with me. I was so brave and its rewrapped and I’m back on the couch calming down while i write this. Im exhausted and it hurts and im so glad i gave myself a month before i go back to work because this is going to be a long recovery.
If anyone is so inclined or wants to: my cashapp and venmo is @ earnham and literally anything will help. I am having to spend so much on medical supplies and dont know when my fmla will actually go thru. Im also going to link my amazon wishlist eventually with a bunch of melanoma gear for this summer but that will be closer to my bday in June bc thats what ima be asking for this year, is help with anything on my wishlist.
This isnt the point of the post i rly just needed to vent my past 48 hours. Thanks for reading if u did.
#fuck cancer#fuck melanoma#cancer#melanoma#surgery#cancer surgery#chronic pain#chronically ill#chronic illness#wheelchair#disabled#chronic fatigue#spoonie#actually disabled#cripple punk#invisible illness#cashapp#venmo
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You seem like you know a lot of things, so hope you dont mind me asking but do you have any advice for someone trying to get over someone? If youve been in that situation what’s something you did or told yourself that helped? Im struggling🖤🥲🥲
idk abt that, im pretty stupid(and ok with that ngl) some would say…..im a bimbo maybe /flattered/
and tbh, I still spiral over guys from like… middle school!!!! I dont think u ever fully get over someone. especially if ur like me and steal bits of their personalities to impress them🧍🏻♀️
there are so many bands and movies I cannot watch or listen to without thinking abt the men who have shattered my soul and ripped my heart out to stomp on over and over again that introduced me to those things😂 its kind of cathartic…
idk I saw a tweet abt how behind every cool girl is a cooler girl she stole her personality from and im like not me, no sir, I stole my personality from many many different men I wanted to love me cnenndndnxnd, and im ok with that!!! bc im rly cool💁🏻♀️
I can literally look at photos of myself from different yrs of my life and think ‘this is when I was in love with **’ 🤣
and trust me some of these dudes hurt me so bad I wanted to give up on life. I never thought I’d be that stupid girl that acts dumb and foolish over some guy but love will make u do things u always thought u were too good for😭 love will humble u. its a part of life and the human experience unfortunately. its beautiful and tragic and sucks, no matter what.
U probably never rly get over someone, just like death, u never rly recover from the loss. U just learn to live with it and a year down the line u might not even cry anymore, u just feel a sting of pain and numbness for a minute or hour and continue on with your life. it doesnt go away but its not the end of the world, and likely will happen again, and someday you’ll understand that there rly are a lotttttt of fish in the sea, as they say. if things dont work out with one, u will find somebody else eventually who will make anyone from ur past seem obsolete.
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hiii here for the matchup! here is my info:
personality: i’m a perfect mix between a gryffindor and a cabin three (percy jackson, idk if you are know much abt the verse if not sorry!). essentially, im a very adventurous albeit stubborn person. my curiosity leads to me wanting to find things out for myself and go on whatever paths i need to do so. i love some witty banter, and i’ve been told im fairly argumentative (in an endearing way, i hope). i have some slight anger issues that i’ve been working on. speaking of, i tend to be seen as very wise and ahead of my years, and i tend to be sought after for advice. im confident in my intelligence, i view it was one of my best traits. not only in the academic, but also the emotional sense. i still adore a fun, unpredictable personality but not stupidity. i love being able to be caught off guard by someone’s insight, i find it super attractive. love a guy that can give me the “gotcha” look. stupidity in the immature sense, as in they lack common sense and are just being idiotic for pride or another foolish reason. also im a loud person (both personality wise and literally).
likes: i adore animals in every sense, but especially aquatic ones. marine biology. sushi and mediterranean food. anything ocean themed, like beaches or shells or sharks. music is something i can’t live without. i love video games, especially those with puzzles. i love love love dancing. volleyball. i also rly love watching football matches (🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷)
dislikes: stupidity, ignorance, etc. i lost patience with that rq. boring people: “omg why r u so excited it’s weird” die.
biggest dream: marine biologist living somewhere on the coast, working directly with marine animals on a pretty beachy place.
i try to be positive! it’s why i’m so analytical of the world around me, myself, and others and try to find out why they work the way they work. super big part of my personality. it’s also why i give good advice, im pretty observational.. i can go from rational to hotheaded quickly if i find someone who just refuses to improve themselves. i think thats it! i don’t want to add to much but i still wanted to be detailed, hope this was ok!
Your Blue Lock Matchup: Tabito Karasu
Alright, first of all, can we talk about how much energy you radiate? Like, Karasu would eat this up. You’re the definition of chaos-meets-brilliance, and he thrives on that same wavelength. He’s sharp, witty, and thrives on quick banter, which makes him a perfect match for your adventurous, curious personality. Karasu is 100% the type to hit you with that “gotcha” smirk when he one-ups you in an argument (and trust me, he will), but you’ll love him for it because it’s never boring with him.
He’s got that unpredictable edge you crave, and while he’s not necessarily a “fun for the sake of it” guy, he’s a strategist at heart. He keeps you on your toes not with stupidity (your biggest ick, let’s be real), but with clever moves that make you stop and go, “Wait, what just happened?” You two would argue a lot, but not in a toxic way—more in that “no, but I know I’m right” kind of way, only to end up laughing because you’re both equally stubborn and neither of you is backing down.
Karasu would totally respect your intelligence and your emotional wisdom, which is a big deal for him since he’s all about reading the room and playing it to his advantage. He’d love how insightful you are and would secretly be a little impressed when you see through his sometimes-too-snarky exterior. He’d also be lowkey obsessed with your passion for marine biology—it’s such a niche, cool dream, and he’d tease you about it (“So, like, you’re a shark whisperer or something?”) but secretly think it’s amazing.
Your loud, bold personality? He’s here for it. Karasu’s not the type to get overwhelmed by someone with big energy—in fact, he’d probably match you step for step. Your love for adventure and refusal to settle for boring people is exactly what he needs because he’s not here for dull moments, either. You’d probably drag him to the beach for marine animal sightings, and while he’d pretend to be annoyed, you’d catch him lowkey geeking out over a dolphin because you’ve rubbed off on him.
Okay, hear me out—your anger issues and his occasional snarky, “I-know-better-than-you” attitude could clash hard. Like, Karasu’s not the guy to just sit there and take it if you’re mad; he’ll push back, which could lead to some heated moments. But the thing is, he’s also super analytical, so he’d figure out when to stop pushing and how to actually talk things out with you. It wouldn’t be perfect, but it’d be real.
Also, he might not always understand your softer, more positive side at first because he’s naturally more cynical. But as you let him in, he’d learn to appreciate how you balance him out with your outlook on life. Your shared love for picking apart the world’s complexities would be a huge bonding point, and he’d start to see things through your lens, even if he doesn’t say it out loud.
At the end of the day, Karasu’s the type to keep life interesting for you. He’d challenge you, match your energy, and make you feel seen in a way that’s both fun and fulfilling. Plus, can you imagine the sheer power of you two absolutely owning at beach volleyball together? Iconic.
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i think what was among the most interesting things to me was how you put your life experiences into parts of this fic. it breathes a new kind of life into it and i thought it was admirable how you were able to turn (what were probably uncomfortable) experiences into something for a work of art that you care about. it's part of the beauty of being a writer and an artist i think!!
i also LOVED the small bits of character that you added that payed homage to bad experiences and ptsd that eileen and henry experienced. like henry's scars, his electrocution one never occured to me and i really loved that. it's just another part of his character that shows he held the lives of other people so highly even if they didn't share that same sentiment for him.
i also really loved the bits like when henry was listening over eileen's conversation with malorie, when henry looks in the mirror and sees all the horrible things he's had to do to survive, how his muscles have been honed for killing... i can just tell how much love and attention you hold for him and as a henry enjoyer i rly rly appreciate it. i also love that you allowed eileen to be bitter and angry after all the things she's gone thru. i truly believe she'd be that way after all that had happened.
i think i shot myself in the foot with the life experience thing because i'm now thinking about my last 4 major writing projects and going like this

but yeah i mean. the creative experience. damned if you do but more damned if you don't.
god funnily enough henry's electrocution scars have been a pretty solid headcanon for years now, although I'm not sure I ever got to write them down properly. I just found it so...idk, profound that in Henry's panic he just grabs the cuffs. i'm very very very particular about Henry, the earnest compassion mixed with just how catastrophically bad he can be with people in his withdrawn anxiety, and in particular how the game portrays his anxiety as like. NOT the trope shorthand that would've been easier and more palatable to display. i don't think it hit for a lot of people (and who's to say what all they intended or didn't end up in the game) but i really, really appreciate the non-normative way Henry comes off. it was more told than shown in blink snow corduroy thanks to eileen already having that in with him, but i was really taken with the idea that people can pick up on someone else's haunted nature and rationalize the eerie feeling they get with "that person is danger". i do believe the game when it says that Henry was happy with his life before the door got chained from the inside, but reclusiveness hits different when people see you as a threat, and if you don't have the tools or ability to disparage that notion, well...society does love throwing out babies with the bathwater. the fuck am i saying
and god my kingdom for genuinely angry female characters. like the anger that borders on too much, or would be too much, the panic that wraps with specifically in being cisfemale because of the socialization that anger is unacceptable in ugly forms to express. and the messiness of it all! not that he was present enough to feel it in full, but the misdirection of being angry at Travis for something he couldn't have possibly known even knowing that it wasn't the correct place to put that anger. idk! i reread my work when other people say they've read it to put myself at a similar level, and sometimes i feel lke the end of the last chapter (not the epilogue) "wraps things up too quick" but then again I don't think it wrapped much up at all, it just kind of hinted that this would go on for a while, it's just that now Eileen was alright with this going on for a while, because healing is so, so, so messy. and involves allowing yourself to feel angry that you need to heal at all, that wrong was done upon you, that you deserved to not have to have this. in some manner. otherwise, as henry mentioned, if someone isn't angry it's hard to believe anything happened at all, and that anything can be done to fix it.
#askanswer#god a fuckton shit happened before i got to this ask and i'm so#deadened now#i was going to transfer some writing i did at work (ironically with more Life Experience woven in) but hoo buddy#gonna put my face in my cat's belly and pass out
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Documentation of my comphet throughout the years 🧍♀️
Okay so I thought it’d be funny to talk abt my most intense male fixation eras as a lesbian (idk i’m just shitposting into the void again) judge me all u want (it is probably needed) but i need ppl to understand the real me 🙏

IT CROPPED HALF HIS FACE OUT but i just realised if you aren’t british ur gonna have no idea who he is anyone (he’s lachlan white from emmerdale) omg this was an ERA everyone around me thought i was going insane (i was) but like they just didn’t get it he slayed so hard at a level that will never be reached (literally) also tom atkinson on sex education was like a full circle moment for me omg but anyways i was like 11-12 here these were literally my formative years this changed me FOREVER don’t judge he slayed omg

THIS okay so u can’t even blame me for this one it’s just correct. yes he’s like walking masculinity stereotype BUT he also had depth and was interesting 😌 the fanfics were SO GOOD this is when i really got into fanfiction and accidentally read smut where someone get pregnant in the hunger games 🧍♀️i read this one fic that was like x reader AND THEY STRAIGHT UP BOTH DIED but anyways. i read fanfics abt literally everyone thg character (read abt women and convinced myself i was still straight lmfao) but he was the stand out for me. i recently revisited this era and the fics ppl write on ao3 r INSANE omg like what is wrong with u ppl ( i say this lovingly but also wtf )

OMGOMGOMG BEST ERA OF MY LIFE u actually don’t understand u just had to be there. a solid percentage of my brain even to this day is made up of this man. this is like the stupidest thing ever but when i was like 14 i would just mirror his personality (and tone down the arsehole part obvs) so that i could get more talkative AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED nobody in the whole world will ever understand how much he means to me (i don’t rly understand it myself tbh) and ik ppl literally fuckinf despise him but i will not tolerate the dandy mott slander bc he is literally part of my core identity atp i revisit him every few months just to fully reconnect with my inner being. did anyone read Companion? that shit was crazy also i wrote a fic abt him on wattpad and people actually READ IT so anyways best era of my life it truly never got better i rly hit me peak (i had 0 friends) the few friends i had literally told me i talked abt him too much and it made them like me less 💀

this was arguably my most chill era like yea i was pretty obsessive but with marvel it’s so normalised to be so intense abt everything i kinda just fit right in. there’s too much professor fanfiction r u ppl okay 🧍♀️ also more actor fanfiction than i have ever seen for any other man in my LIFE but the capitalism went hard during this era the fluff was so good. arguably my most comforting era? idk i can’t rly explain that one


okay so these two r kinda completely different but also (for obvious reasons) the exact same. gotham was my most openly gay era and for that i will forever be grateful HOWEVER the kristen kringle haters were doing WAY TOO MUCH like she’s already dead why u doing her like that constantly (u will see this sentiment echoed later abt someone else hmmm i wonder who) but yea and then YES i was a paul dano lesbian (literally wasn’t out as lesbian at this point lmao) honestly this is probably the era my friends hated the most they would either awkwardly pretend to agree/care abt the shit i was saying or straight up tell me i was delusional 💀 my friends even now still call it my worst era but i LOVED IT kinda solidified my position at the bottom of the hellish secondary school hierarchy but i still had a good time. the paul dani riddler fanfics r next level tho the way ppl would just post STALKER fics constantly with like zero warnings and it was never labelled as yandere 🧍♀️i also got in an argument with a writer on wattpad bc they made the riddler and the oc have like a 6 year age gap and they met when she was 10 and he was like 16 💀 other than that good vibes all round

tbh this era was pretty brief i can’t fully explain what happened here like the vibes were immaculate but also insane WHY IS THERE SM YANDERE FANFIC peter parker is so nice but then in fanfics it’s like 👹 but i rly like spider-man HOWEVER this then led me to my final destination on the comphet journey…

omg were finally at the final stop the peak of comphet ( i came out as lesbian within this era ) arguably not my finest hour bc i swore i would never watch criminal minds bc the number of seasons is WAY TOO MUCH but here we are i watched it bc i read too much fanfic abt this man. i have lots of criticism for the fandom but he in himself is acc a rly good character. this was supposed to be like my ethical era but he’s acc killed like a bunch of ppl and thomas gibson is MESSY (don’t cancel me pls i say that lovingly 🫶) the haley hotchner misogyny nearly killed me off i don’t think i’ve ever been so miserable in a fandom and the fanfics kinda take feminism back a few hundred years but pretty good besides that
anyways there is my brainrot i hope the two (at most) ppl who will read this enjoyed 🫶 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO im gonna say i posted this in honour of international lesbian day even tho that was several days ago
#criminal minds#aaron hotchner#dandy mott#american horror story#marvel#loki laufeyson#loki#spider man#the hunger games#emmerdale#the batman#dc#paul dano#the riddler
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(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?
there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.
he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!
hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333
This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕
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if i may say something. it takes a flower only a few weeks to grow, meanwhile a tree it takes years and years. Would you say the tree is lazy and terrible because it takes so long? no, because all thigns grow and live at there won pace. This isnt even accounting for outside factors. do not measure your own growth against the growth of others, it is unfair to yourself. especially if you dont consider outside factors and things like that. you are growing at your own pace, be kind to yourself because you deserve it.
I needed to hear that, thank you. I have just been through so much, I feel like I'm still a little little sapling (using the tree example). I think I was overreacting earlier, because you're right. I have been growing. I often tell others that everyone has their own lessons to learn in this lifetime, and yet, here I am wanting things now now now, but I always get hit with roadblocks. I think I need to be more patient with myself. Cause I took it slow with applying to internships, and here I am as a technical writer for a small start up that barely got traction, and my article got them like 10x the amount of readers they had before. (And also my team is rly nice and :((( so encouraging i love them all). Last year, I was allowing some real gross people in my life, allowing them to physically, mentally (you name it!) abuse me. But now I don't take that shit. I have been learning my boundaries. And also, I do so much to help others, sure I don't have a job right now, but that doesn't mean I never will, that doesn't mean the research and volunteer work I do, means nothing. Hell, a few weeks ago, my one environmental group had a Zoom meeting "awards" night. And I was voted as the kindest editor. Who cares about the award, I got to hear the reasons why, I broke down SOBBING. I was told I never give up on anyone, no matter how "bad" they're doing. And that I made everyone feel seen and heard and valued. ((My supervisor had to ask if I was okay, because I was blubbering during me saying thank you, i love you guys so much. )) I have to sit and wonder, why don't I do the same for myself? Why don't I make myself seen and heard. Sure I keep a diary but, it's mostly me talking about others and their accomplishments. I think I might need to treat my smallest accomplishments as a big deal. It might seem silly to some, but as someone who is just *going through it* I think it's a great idea. But thank you for this. <3.
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Hi everyone! Used to work at Ulta and can tell you myself this is genuinely such a huge problem. DAILY I would have little girls as young as 6-7 asking for retinol, hyaluronic acid, lip plumpers, lash growing serum, you name it. And pretty much everytime I got crucified, either by the girl or the parents, bc I had to do exactly what OP did and tell them they are too young to be using all this stuff and that it could rly mess them up.
But the worst is when I saw the parents openly encouraging it. The mom who hears her 10 year old daughter say “I really need concealer/serum/etc to fix this” and agrees for whatever reason “yes you do.” Some are just plain ignorant like OP described but unfortunately a lot are aware (at least somewhat) and just do not care bc their precious baby wants it and they are too scared to say no, or they actually believe the kid really needs all that shit and are misogynistic themselves.
It’s patriarchy at its finest getting disseminated thru social media and then shitty parents perpetuating it even further. Just like how everyone was making memes a few years ago about how they looked at 13 vs how the IG child models look at 13. It’s the exact same thing now except the IG child models in the situation are now even younger. social media instills the beauty standard earlier and earlier and sexualize pre pubescent girls into pedophilic fantasy and so now we’re at the point of 8 year old girls trying to do intense skincare regimens and full face makeup (both things I was asked about pretty much daily by little girls). All bc they watch shit like tiktok and IG unrestrained and get told that this is how you be a girl and this is how you be pretty and pretty means you have worth especially on social media. And at that point I rly can’t blame anyone but the parents who not only let them watch that shit but then feed into it by turning around and buying them drunk elephant, Sunday Riley, you name it.
Telling your 8 year old daughter she cannot use skincare meant for people 40+ is not going to hurt her. It does not make you a mean parent nor does it make you misogynistic to tell her she’s too young for that. Yes all people should have the independence to do what they want with their bodies but a child literally does not know better and it is your job to help them make healthy choices and habits and not just let them do whatever bc “it makes them happy.” Be an involved parent and know what your kid is getting into before you let them dive into it headfirst. Bc if not you will have a daughter with horrific self image issues who spends hundreds on skincare instead of toys or books or literally anything a healthy child would want, buying more and more products to try and fix what the last product did to her skin bc her skin was not meant to be taking all these chemicals and acids at such a young age. It’s a vicious cycle and all you have to do to stop it is be an active parent and not let your kid fall down these horrible rabbit holes. You can let your child have freedom and independence without allowing them to pursue things that are blatantly harmful to both their bodies and their minds.
I just made a 6 year old girl really mad at me in the mall and it was actually a heartbreaking experience
Because I was picking up more moisturiser, and this clearly really young girl and her mother came in to shop skin products, and her mother picked up a combined kit and was like “This is the one you want? Okay I guess” and I took a peak and gently butted in and told her mother I thought that was a really bad idea because she looked super young and those products had a bunch of actives
This little girl was glaring at me like I kicked her puppy while I chatted to her mother, who seemed really embarrassed she didn’t know that, asked some questions, and told me her daughter was 6, obsessed with skincare, said all the other girls at school had similar products, and always watched YouTube videos + Tiktoks about these things.
I told her pretty bluntly it’s a bad idea for young people to use most of these actives/products, gave her some keywords to search online so she’d have a better idea about what to look up and learn more, and suggested maybe they could work on instead building a routine with washing faces with water, a little dab of a very neutral moisturiser and some sunscreen every day (let’s be clear - this little girl does not need a skincare routine, but it’s a compromise without completely shitting on her and helps routine building in life anyway)
I told this kid she was really pretty and she didn’t need anything, and I’m sorry I ruined her fun but I didn’t want her to burn her face with something like retinol or salicylic acid. She was not impressed.
Please chat with the young people in your life about these things, get some rudimentary knowledge if they’re asking for products like this, and please be careful!
#deep#sorry got on my soapbox again#but literally cannot tell you how many pissed off mAMa BeARs came storming up to me#bc I told her precious little shitling she is too young to be using the things she’s asking me for#like buy whatever you want I literally don’t care#but I’m trying to protect YOUR child from fucking up her skin#and also not letting the misogynistic brain rot get to her so early on#god I hate parents so much some times like why are you purposely setting up your child for harmful habits WHY
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things i need in order of how badly i need them
a flat stomach. yk this is my weakness as someone who has a lifelong bloating problem it feels unreal. a flat stomach is the number one thing i want even if the rest of my body is fat af id be willing to make that trade. rather than rolls, i just straight up have a beer belly (that obviously forms into rolls when i sit down) but the size and roundness is what bothers me the most. it ruins all my outfits and makes my body from an 8 to a 3. if i ever get a flat stomach i will make sure to have it out in all my outifts, i will only wear crop tops
no armpit fat. this is a problem i have noticed the last couple of years, when i grew b00bs my armpits developed a bunch of rolls, not just one little pouch but a bunch and it looks so bad when im wearing a tank top. it also has to do with how fat my upper arms are but i dont really know which place i want to put thin upper arms at. these armpit rolls look disgusting, i cant wear dresses or anything without sleeves and i felt really insecure about them during this one trip i went on with my school where it was very hot and all i could really wear was sleeveless tops since all the girls were wearing them. i looked bad in everything and my best friend who is crazy sk1nny used to stare at my armpits because she had never seen me in a sleeveless top before i gained weight. i told myself i was just imagining her staring out of my own insecurity until she literally squeezed my armpit with her hand and asked me wtf is that. i will never forget how i felt in that moment. i think its really weird that my body collects f4t that way and i didnt have them when i was a kid (like my bloated stomach) so it really hurts that they are another reason i cant wear anything other than t shirts
thin upper arms. not much to say tbh i just wish they were more toned and the muscles were more defined but i have a long way to go for that. i really dont like the way the fat on the back of my arms spills backwards when theyre squishing against my body or how triangular my arms look when theyre raised above my head. lanky arms are my second weakness after the flat stomach
a thin face. my face is astronomically f4t and i actually mean it. this isnt even out of insecurity because i have grown to like my face its just the truth. compared to the rest of my body it has always been f4t, its round with saggy cheeks and bloated undereyes which create these two little pouches and people often ask me if they are bruises. i have a double chin and no jawline. i have managed to work around this with the correct haircut, makeup, posture etc but two years ago my jawline was my biggest insecurity. i have accepted the fact my face will never been thin or oval shaped but it can debloat and i can lose my saggy cheeks if i really try
this is where it gets less intense, things i can make do without but i still want. thin arms and hands. ik i mentioned thin upper arms before but thin forearms have been my wish for the longest time, theyre so pretty i need them
my hips. theyre round. i like that in certain outfits, it gives me curves and i know that since im a woman and its my body shape the roundness will never completely leave but i dont want it to. i just wish they werent so f4t
calves i guess. most girls on 3dblr want long thin legs more than anything and i kind of get it but i dont. i like the idea of a baggy fit with thin legs showing underneath but not nearly as much as a crop top with a concave stomach showing. i understand the hype but i dont really care that much about legs since my thighs are already quite skinny compared to the rest of my body. my calves have gotten fatter these past few years tho and im short so it makes my legs look triangular-f4t under the knee and really sk1nny on the ankles. tbh id rather they were f4t all over than this weird af f4t distribution
my back. it doesnt rly look f4t but i can feel the f4t if i grab onto it and i dont like that. i dont get rolls on my back when i sit down but i feel like im pretty close to getting them and i dont like that either. i want my spine to show a bit, it would look cool
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forgot that N had invited me to open up a tarot card booth this weekend. first booth so I’m pretty excited, and I even got free drinks lmao. and it honestly looks rly well done in terms of the marketing
I actually kinda forgot about the event entirely, what with Chinese new year celebrations. as much as I love cny, i just need to catch a break. it’s just day after day after day of going out and i’m so fucking drained help
but I got that Parker astrology book. initially I felt kinda scammed bc it was $60 and there was no fucking substance in the book at all. it’s just basic pop culture astrology that you can ChatGPT and I hate it bc it’s just so full of fluff. included in the book were this astrology dice ( had my eye on it for a while but honestly i don’t fuck with it enough to actually wanna buy one ). When I saw the astrology dice, I was like damn. finally got something that might actually be useful.
I’m probably gonna give it away bc I don’t even think that i want to sell this at all. Like it’s just nonsense, honestly. Idek.
only issue though is that I’ve literally never done one before but I had the idea that it might be a good way to make more friends. but I still don’t know the logistics and how to make it work. I asked N and N said, “just say you are with me or Sam it’s whatever”
anyway with the dice, and the tarot cards and the crystals it should be woo woo enough for people to know what I’m doing but subtle enough that it doesn’t make me want to cringe.
I even checked the timing of the Astro charts and it seems like I got the vibe down. I tried to read choices and inception but honestly it’s too academic and I’m rly running short of time. based on very base level stuff tho, this event seems pretty naturally aligned to what I should be doing without any excessive effort on my part. 3 hours might be a bit long but if I douse myself with enough alcohol it should be no problem.
honestly the only thing I don’t quite like that Uranus would be squared Mercury so I have a feeling that the communication would probably be quite haphazard throughout the night. it doesn’t seem like it’s gonna loosen up at all. I tried to check if I can shift the timing around but I gave up. I’m just gonna take the timing at 10pm and it seems not heinous so whatever
after this weekend I seriously need to get started on my assignment though. I’m so tired. I just want to feel like I’m studying again but between the 100+ cases, I don’t feel like I have enough energy for anything else.
I was told I should collect payment for these readings but honestly I hate it when things feel transactional. like how about you buy me a drink and feel better about whatever the issue is. if my reading was enlightening in any way I honestly would have felt like I did a good job ykwim
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Warning: Pretty sure I have (quiet) bpd. I also haven't seen my therapist in 2 months. Keep that in mind if you plan on buckling down for this whole vent.
Trying rly hard to convince myself that it is not in fact entitled of me to feel disappointed that I was alone all day for my birthday and just got told almost two weeks later that we (my sister and HER friends) would celebrate, only for them to say that they wanted to do smth else so we couldn't do what I actually wanted (literally just play cards against humanity) but I could go with them with 30 minutes notice? And then my sister is gonna be bitchy that it took me too long to reply when I literally went to bed bc it's 7pm so I assumed we just weren't doing anything?? And then also be bitchy that I don't want to do that???
Like I can't even really be mad at her friends bc like they have no obligation to me, I'm just the autistic younger sister. I'm just honestly disappointed in her, bc
1) I actually did stuff for her birthday. We got food, drinks, I made a giant cookie ice cream cake. She had a boyfriend to take her out and I even let her wear my clothes for the date bc she never does laundry and didn't nag her abt it when she didn't give my dress back for a month.
2) My birthday was a complete afterthought to her. The day of, she came home with a grocery store pie at 10pm. Which, like, obviously I'm grateful for, it could have been nothing. But still.
3) it's like she didn't even try to get these plans sorted until the last possible second again, even on take 2 with 2 weeks of prep time knowing what it is I wanted to do.
4) I'm 95% sure the one and only reason she suggested plans tn is because she felt guilty last week that she convinced me to take her to a restaurant bc she was "hungry and on her period" and then said she didn't have any money so I'd have to get it this time and she would get these plans that we're not even going to now. (Our dinner the other night was 115$. Tonight's plans would have been max 60$ for BOTH of us).
5) Pretty sure that because I said no to the things I didn't want to do, we're just literally not going to do anything now. Yay.
And like it's not even actually about the money or anything, I just wanted to spend time with the very few people I care about. I'm just sick of her always overpromising and underdelivering.
I don't think it's too much to ask to be made to feel special 1 day out of the fucking year, and the only person who did is my not-yet-boyfriend, and I still can't even see him because he's not home yet. He's been gone for 4 months, and I miss him, and he was supposed to be back on Monday, but he's still not home. And now I'm working and school starts for both of us next week and I'm scared that it's going to be like last semester and I'm never going to get to see him and he's the only one that I have here.
And on the note of him supposed to be back Monday. My sister is disgusting to live with, which is a whole other fucking thing. But that's the reason I haven't had him over here ever. And I've straight-up told her that. I even gave her advance warning that he was supposed to come back, to give her time to clean because, and I cannot stress this enough, it is literally all her mess. I made it clear that Monday was the earliest hé would be here, and that it would in fact be a continued occurance. Not only did she NOT get the house clean, it didn't happen because she kept saying she would today, today, today, until it was LITERALLY THE FUCKING DAY OF. Then she gave a shitty, half-assed apology before leaving the house about how she couldn't get it all done. All that was done was the bathroom BECAUSE I DID IT FOR HER, when the kitchen is the most disgusting fucking part, and the first thing you see when you open the front door.
And then because I said he wasn't coming that night after all, she went right back to being a fucking slob, like him not coming Monday meant hé never will be. Nevermind the fact she could at least keep it clean out of respect for the fact that she's not the only fucking person that lives here, but no. If I say anything about, I'm being a bitch because she's "trying so hard" (she literally said before we got this place she would hire a cleaner or figure smth out to avoid this, trying to make it seem like i was gonna be at least 50% of the problem when it is in fact 80% her. We've literally lived here 8 months and I've been able to use our kitchen a handful of times, bc it is always disgusting because of her and she only cleans it up just enough to cook for herself and then leaves even more mess behind.
I'm just so fucking done. At this point if it wasn't for my cat, I'd just be living in my car.
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