#i rly told myself this year i will get down to it and work on everything

[puphoods]

OC masterpost :)

egressregress- a short story centering three people in a post-apocalyptic society trying to survive the world and each other. cooper, dahlia, and elliot are three people largely isolated from any other survivors because of their own choices and are stuck relying on each other, despite the distrust and hatred they hold for each other

ITAFD (short for "is that a fucking dog?")- zoey is working the graveyard shift one day when she witnesses the fall of an angel. after finding out that this angel is tied to the recent death of her twin brother the two, along with a demon who claims to have the answers they are looking for and a terrified pizza boy, set out to find the cause of her brothers death and to try and restore the angels place in heaven

unnamed story 1- claire foster has spent years on his own after his actions lead to the death of his father. after meeting a young woman named amber, the two and their group of friends get caught up in a turf war between a local vampire coven and a mysterious, underground group rumored to be seeking immortality

unnamed story 2- an elite team of scientists and soldiers is sent to investigate a newly discovered and rapidly spreading disease that is rumored to cause rapid physical mutations to the host. the story follows leah, scientist on the team, as she tries to conduct her research while hiding powers that seem to have ties to the disease

unnamed story 3- a game where you help rebuild a mostly abandoned town, meeting, befriending, and maybe even learning to love the variety of monster people who live in and come to town. with a large list of possible residents you can choose from you will design your own unuque town as you farm, cook, trade, build, and design homes for your new friends

[placeholder name] the party- a point-and-click style game where you play as a university student named katherin who is stressed out at a house party and trying to find her ride so she can go home. explore the house and have conversations with people from her life from both the past and present, helping other partygoers on the way

misc other- [this list will once i finish ideally have links to separate posts with more in-depth summaries and descriptions of characters. this section will contain other ocs without their own contained universe or ones without much worldbuilding to it just yet]

[midnightwriter21]

Sanemi, Shinobu and Obanai x Giyuu little sister reader. Reader 20 and 1 year younger than Giyuu and is the Polar opposite of Jim like she very playful and curious but also very loving to him and he spoils her. She a civilian who owns a tea shop. May I have headcanons with her and those three and Giyuu reaction to each please?

demon slayer hcs: sanemi & shinobu x giyuu's little sister!reader

characters: sanemi, shinobu, giyuu

warnings: mentions of birth control in shinobu's (idek if that needs a warning lol)

AN: pumped this out at 3am lol, ill be doing obanai in another part!

SANEMI

your relationship was such a slow burn lol

when he finds out ur giyuu's sister its an immediate disliking on Sanemi's part

but are we rly surprised?

dude HATES giyuu

you spend a lot of time with the hashira

and you've become good friends with them so you're always around when the hashira are all together

they all adore u

you're sweet, funny, outgoing, confident

basically everything that giyuu isn't lollll

you brought snacks from ur teashop to one of the lil hashira hangouts

and you couldn't help but notice sanemi absolutely stuffing his face full of the ohagi that you brought

but who can blame him?

he might not like you but he never said you were a bad cook

and ohagi is his favorite

a couple days after the lil hangout

sanemi gets back to his estate after a mission and finds a cute lil basket adorned with a bow sitting on his doorstep

he picks it up and looks inside and its full of ohagi

after he goes inside and devours the whole basket

he finds a note at the bottom saying "enjoy <3" signed with your name

thats it right there.

the way to this mans heart is thru his stomach fr

now

when yall are dating dating

you keep it quiet

none of the other hashira know

and giyuu CERTAINLY doesn't know

until one day you're working at your tea shop and sanemi walks in to pick up the lunch that you made him

now me personally... id turn into a professional cook for this man

5 COURSE MEAL FOR EVERY MEAL

anyways

its not a busy day at the shop so he walks into the kitchen to find you cooking

and this man is HANDSY

so ofc he grabs you by your waist and pulls u into him

and starts feeling you up good lord please i want this so bad

you hear the faint 'ding!' of the bell above the front door

but pay it no mind assuming its a customer

and then the kitchen door opens

and everyone freezes

cause standing in the doorway is your older brother

thats the most expressive face sanemi has ever seen on giyuu

dudes eyes are wide as saucers

mouth wide open

shook af

like "dawg don't you hate me and everyone that associates with me?"

like "you have basically cursed my entire bloodline"

"you told me to off myself because im me"

and sanemi is just "i hate you not you're sister"

and goes back to feeling u up totally ignoring giyuu's presence

giyuu basically just moonwalks back out the door

and pretends he never saw any of that

lol i love them XD

SHINOBU

now shinobu liked you from the second she met you

she went to giyuu's estate to get him for a mission

and walks in to find you teasing and mocking tf outta ur older brother lmao

ofc she joins in

throwing in some teasing remarks of her own

poor giyuu lol

she is a frequent visitor to your tea shop

cause instead of making medicinal teas herself, now she can just get you to do it

plus she gets to see her favorite girlllll

now

the way giyuu finds out is too funny

you are in the infirmary at the butterfly mansion

dw ur not injured or sick or anything!!

now...

you're sitting on the bed waiting for shinobu

when giyuu walks in

and he's like "wtf are u doing here"

you're explain your business to ur brother when shinobu walks in looking down at a needle saying

"alright i have your birth control shot! not like you need it... i can't get u pregnant"

she looks up when she hears a 'smack'

and there you are with ur hand slapped to your forehead and a bright red face

giyuu just looks between you and shinobu with a blank face

before he passes clean out

dude hits the floor hard lmao

when he wakes up you give him an explanation

and then u and shinobu tease him for passing out

lol dude can't catch a break

[chronicpain-itsastruggle]

Third surgery of the year went rocky yesterday. I have cried a lot in the last 48 hours. My mom and husband came with me and my mom was able to stay with all the way up to laying down for surgery bc babe had a therapy appointment i wanted him to go to and he agreed. My nurse was so nice and sweet but she tried and failed once to get my IV in. Then the anesthesiologist came in and was a very quiet man. And he sat and picked and prodded at my right hand for about 30 minutes. He tried twice with a lidocaine shot each time before he finally got an iv placed on the inside of my right wrist the third try, also with a lidocaine shot first. I sobbed the whole time. I barely remember walking to the surgery room and laying on the table. Then i woke up holding my moms hand so confused and then in 10/10 pain in my left arm where they took more of my arm out. I screamed and sobbed in pain. I asked Mom “where is Tyler?? Where is babe?!” I didnt even open my eyes i was crying in so much pain. My mom told me they couldnt reach him and i sobbed even harder, terrified. Tyler walked in abt 3 minutes later. His phone wasnt getting calls and he literally sped from home when he saw the voicemail notification. They held my hands as the nurses pushed a bit more pain and anxiety meds and i sobbed in pain. It took a while to get me to Tyler’s truck. I puked twice before i got home, revisiting the apple juice i had tried right after waking up and coming to. Once home i slept a lot on the couch. In and out of consciousness. Tyler stress cleaned our kitchen building our new shelf for our pantry and even selling our dog crate we’ve been needing to sell. So he was very productive awesomely while i was in and out of sleepy town.

Our dog Jupiter, his timing impeccable as always, had diarrhea and pukey all night so we were up every twoish hours having Tyler take him outside again and again. I woke up each time but had to stay on the couch. It was a very rough night.

Today has been the day after surgery and the pain has been so severe. I am staying on top of my pain meds. And thankfully i have been able to eat and drink just fine. The pain is just incredible and severe. We had to take the bandage off and clean it tonight and i sobbed thru the whole thing in agony. Tyler was so patient and gentle with me. I was so brave and its rewrapped and I’m back on the couch calming down while i write this. Im exhausted and it hurts and im so glad i gave myself a month before i go back to work because this is going to be a long recovery.

If anyone is so inclined or wants to: my cashapp and venmo is @ earnham and literally anything will help. I am having to spend so much on medical supplies and dont know when my fmla will actually go thru. Im also going to link my amazon wishlist eventually with a bunch of melanoma gear for this summer but that will be closer to my bday in June bc thats what ima be asking for this year, is help with anything on my wishlist.

This isnt the point of the post i rly just needed to vent my past 48 hours. Thanks for reading if u did.

[fuwaprince]

hey. are you okay friend?

No, I'm not and c'est la vie! Sometimes you're okay and sometimes you're not. Thanks for checking in sweet friend 🫂 I hope you're having a beautiful day! 💕

Yesterday I helped Mr. Leonard deep clean his home that we're still trying to save and this morning I unfortunately headed back to the hag house I reside in! He was so nice. Sent me home with half his cookies and told me to share with the people who were kind enough to give me a ride. I didn't even mean to stay over last night but I was just so tired after cleaning... I slept for a whole 10 hours! Kind of a miracle for me. I must've been comfortable

Soon as I got back to the hag house and started to microwave my usual (a single jumbo corn dog), I was rudely interrupted and told by the biggest bitch here that I am no longer a part of the household even though I am living here for the next 30 days still???? They can deny the reality (that I have been part of this house since the day I moved in) and believe in whatever delusion they so badly want to- fine!!! But the sucky part is that they say I can no longer help myself to the food my fucking rent covers because of that decision... Wackadoodle :/ Funny how the carpet slides around. They're literally fattened up by greed. They're willing to starve me down to nothing if it means I'll die faster than I can move out. Whatever it takes to drive me away I guess since the other terror tactics just didn't work! She was giving me attitude and rude comments. Other housemate blasted trans hate (happy pride btw). Got defensive af over their food in their kitchen :/ whatever

Good news is that I reapplied for food stamps after a friend motivated me to. I'm fucking praying that this time my fucked up mother doesn't sabotage it by denying me my fucking mail again like she did last time which resulted in me starving/withering all summer of last year! I should've had it this whole time... Hopefully it gets processed soon. Phone interview will take place once the weekend is over... I hope there's a way to expedite it.

If I had my own PO box then I wouldn't have to depend on my mom actually giving me my mail... I don't have a key and don't live there with her anymore but this mailing address won't work. The people here tamper with my belongings out of hate. Why? Who knows. I try not to think about the whole "what if I was a pure white lesbian instead of a brown trans traitor? Would they respect me then?" rabbit hole. I don't care. Even if I was respectable to them, I wouldn't be their friend based on how they'd treat others. Anyways, yeah. Coming back home sucks. People are mean. My heart rly hurts and keeps acting up. Stings and feels like I'm going to pass out from time to time. It's hurting more than usual and bothering me as I type this

My on and off boyfriend also texted me saying he got hit by a car a few hours ago (he's okay, apparently.... Although I question since he refused to go to a hospital). Stresses my poor heart out to hear that tbh. But yeah. Maybe I'll go on a night walk or something. I hate this house that I'm in. If Mr. Leonard lived any closer I would just walk back there and beg him to let me in. I would feel better if I was out of here and around compassionate people. I'm gonna be okay

[breserker]

i think what was among the most interesting things to me was how you put your life experiences into parts of this fic. it breathes a new kind of life into it and i thought it was admirable how you were able to turn (what were probably uncomfortable) experiences into something for a work of art that you care about. it's part of the beauty of being a writer and an artist i think!!

i also LOVED the small bits of character that you added that payed homage to bad experiences and ptsd that eileen and henry experienced. like henry's scars, his electrocution one never occured to me and i really loved that. it's just another part of his character that shows he held the lives of other people so highly even if they didn't share that same sentiment for him.

i also really loved the bits like when henry was listening over eileen's conversation with malorie, when henry looks in the mirror and sees all the horrible things he's had to do to survive, how his muscles have been honed for killing... i can just tell how much love and attention you hold for him and as a henry enjoyer i rly rly appreciate it. i also love that you allowed eileen to be bitter and angry after all the things she's gone thru. i truly believe she'd be that way after all that had happened.

i think i shot myself in the foot with the life experience thing because i'm now thinking about my last 4 major writing projects and going like this

but yeah i mean. the creative experience. damned if you do but more damned if you don't.

god funnily enough henry's electrocution scars have been a pretty solid headcanon for years now, although I'm not sure I ever got to write them down properly. I just found it so...idk, profound that in Henry's panic he just grabs the cuffs. i'm very very very particular about Henry, the earnest compassion mixed with just how catastrophically bad he can be with people in his withdrawn anxiety, and in particular how the game portrays his anxiety as like. NOT the trope shorthand that would've been easier and more palatable to display. i don't think it hit for a lot of people (and who's to say what all they intended or didn't end up in the game) but i really, really appreciate the non-normative way Henry comes off. it was more told than shown in blink snow corduroy thanks to eileen already having that in with him, but i was really taken with the idea that people can pick up on someone else's haunted nature and rationalize the eerie feeling they get with "that person is danger". i do believe the game when it says that Henry was happy with his life before the door got chained from the inside, but reclusiveness hits different when people see you as a threat, and if you don't have the tools or ability to disparage that notion, well...society does love throwing out babies with the bathwater. the fuck am i saying

and god my kingdom for genuinely angry female characters. like the anger that borders on too much, or would be too much, the panic that wraps with specifically in being cisfemale because of the socialization that anger is unacceptable in ugly forms to express. and the messiness of it all! not that he was present enough to feel it in full, but the misdirection of being angry at Travis for something he couldn't have possibly known even knowing that it wasn't the correct place to put that anger. idk! i reread my work when other people say they've read it to put myself at a similar level, and sometimes i feel lke the end of the last chapter (not the epilogue) "wraps things up too quick" but then again I don't think it wrapped much up at all, it just kind of hinted that this would go on for a while, it's just that now Eileen was alright with this going on for a while, because healing is so, so, so messy. and involves allowing yourself to feel angry that you need to heal at all, that wrong was done upon you, that you deserved to not have to have this. in some manner. otherwise, as henry mentioned, if someone isn't angry it's hard to believe anything happened at all, and that anything can be done to fix it.

[b0ard1ngsch00l]

(boss crush anon) thanks :D i'll start with context, im 28 and hes 48..funnily enough i had a dream recently where i was back in high school and he was my teacher LOL, thought that was relevant. ive had this crush for a few months now and have been writing about every little interaction i have with him. one of your posts that rly spoke to me was "i want to mean something to him", bc girl no joke ive written that exact sentiment about him before. every time i talk to him feels special, i get a legit high thinking about seeing him every day. hes so painfully handsome and nice to me, sometimes when he sees me his whole face just lights up and he gives me this HUGE smile. hes also the only person i work with who calls me by a shortened version of my name <3 one of my other coworkers even noticed that he did that and i was like 0///0 yeah he has a nickname for me so what?

there was an after-work happy hour that i went to once, i brought a friend and asked her to watch how he acted around me bc he can be hard for me to read sometimes, i cant see his behavior objectively when i have so much wishful thinking going on lol. she told me later that when we walked in, he made a beeline straight for me right away, and seemed sorta shy when talking to me. she asked how i was doing at my job (i was new at the time) and he said something like "shes awesome! every day that shes here is a great day!" and my face mustve been beet red..he kept showing up in our conversations with other people and standing near me, something ive noticed he does a lot in group situations. just recently, we had an premiere with lots of people and since i was on the clock i was standing by myself in the back of the room, watching in case someone needed anything. fr he comes over and stands RIGHT next to me. there was no one else around that area, he chose to stand right beside me while we watched the premiere.

he was out of the office for a whole week once (work related reasons) and i angsted so hard..not seeing him on weekends is bad enough but this was like 10 days and i was going feral. we followed each other on instagram after that happy hour and during that week he was gone he randomly liked one of my posts late at night. i have to wonder if he was missing me too..the next day he came by my work area to ask "whats new?", like he just wanted to catch up after being away which i thought was sweet. yesterday he was teasing me about hiding some of our work halloween decorations in my car to scare me (cute lol), today he was showing me how to tape a package with a confusing tape dispenser and our hands brushed multiple times while handing the tape back and forth, and god only knows whatll happen tomorrow!!

hes so wonderful and i rly want to know more about him, i want to be around him constantly and any time i get with him is instant dopamine. hes intoxicating and i feel selfish wishing he'd break a million rules for me (boss/employee relations, 20 year age gap, and yeah you guessed it hes also married) but i just cant help myself......im not planning on making a move bc i love my job too much to risk getting fired for that, but if HE did you know id reciprocate in an instant. but im glad to just know him even if things remain the same as they are forever, as much as i wish theyd escalate. THANK YOU for letting me get this all out of my system, theres even more i could say but this is long enough lol. have an amazing day, G <333333333

This was very enjoyable to read thank you! The way you both are seems sooo cute! I’m so glad you can relate to me <33 I so get you, and everything you’re feeling yk. It’s hard being obsessed with middle aged men who deep down you know you can’t have😭 but also there’s no other feeling like it and it’s kinda the best! Any time you need to rant about him I’d love to hear!💕

[ev1llesb1an]

Documentation of my comphet throughout the years 🧍‍♀️

Okay so I thought it’d be funny to talk abt my most intense male fixation eras as a lesbian (idk i’m just shitposting into the void again) judge me all u want (it is probably needed) but i need ppl to understand the real me 🙏

IT CROPPED HALF HIS FACE OUT but i just realised if you aren’t british ur gonna have no idea who he is anyone (he’s lachlan white from emmerdale) omg this was an ERA everyone around me thought i was going insane (i was) but like they just didn’t get it he slayed so hard at a level that will never be reached (literally) also tom atkinson on sex education was like a full circle moment for me omg but anyways i was like 11-12 here these were literally my formative years this changed me FOREVER don’t judge he slayed omg

THIS okay so u can’t even blame me for this one it’s just correct. yes he’s like walking masculinity stereotype BUT he also had depth and was interesting 😌 the fanfics were SO GOOD this is when i really got into fanfiction and accidentally read smut where someone get pregnant in the hunger games 🧍‍♀️i read this one fic that was like x reader AND THEY STRAIGHT UP BOTH DIED but anyways. i read fanfics abt literally everyone thg character (read abt women and convinced myself i was still straight lmfao) but he was the stand out for me. i recently revisited this era and the fics ppl write on ao3 r INSANE omg like what is wrong with u ppl ( i say this lovingly but also wtf )

OMGOMGOMG BEST ERA OF MY LIFE u actually don’t understand u just had to be there. a solid percentage of my brain even to this day is made up of this man. this is like the stupidest thing ever but when i was like 14 i would just mirror his personality (and tone down the arsehole part obvs) so that i could get more talkative AND IT ACTUALLY WORKED nobody in the whole world will ever understand how much he means to me (i don’t rly understand it myself tbh) and ik ppl literally fuckinf despise him but i will not tolerate the dandy mott slander bc he is literally part of my core identity atp i revisit him every few months just to fully reconnect with my inner being. did anyone read Companion? that shit was crazy also i wrote a fic abt him on wattpad and people actually READ IT so anyways best era of my life it truly never got better i rly hit me peak (i had 0 friends) the few friends i had literally told me i talked abt him too much and it made them like me less 💀

this was arguably my most chill era like yea i was pretty obsessive but with marvel it’s so normalised to be so intense abt everything i kinda just fit right in. there’s too much professor fanfiction r u ppl okay 🧍‍♀️ also more actor fanfiction than i have ever seen for any other man in my LIFE but the capitalism went hard during this era the fluff was so good. arguably my most comforting era? idk i can’t rly explain that one

okay so these two r kinda completely different but also (for obvious reasons) the exact same. gotham was my most openly gay era and for that i will forever be grateful HOWEVER the kristen kringle haters were doing WAY TOO MUCH like she’s already dead why u doing her like that constantly (u will see this sentiment echoed later abt someone else hmmm i wonder who) but yea and then YES i was a paul dano lesbian (literally wasn’t out as lesbian at this point lmao) honestly this is probably the era my friends hated the most they would either awkwardly pretend to agree/care abt the shit i was saying or straight up tell me i was delusional 💀 my friends even now still call it my worst era but i LOVED IT kinda solidified my position at the bottom of the hellish secondary school hierarchy but i still had a good time. the paul dani riddler fanfics r next level tho the way ppl would just post STALKER fics constantly with like zero warnings and it was never labelled as yandere 🧍‍♀️i also got in an argument with a writer on wattpad bc they made the riddler and the oc have like a 6 year age gap and they met when she was 10 and he was like 16 💀 other than that good vibes all round

tbh this era was pretty brief i can’t fully explain what happened here like the vibes were immaculate but also insane WHY IS THERE SM YANDERE FANFIC peter parker is so nice but then in fanfics it’s like 👹 but i rly like spider-man HOWEVER this then led me to my final destination on the comphet journey…

omg were finally at the final stop the peak of comphet ( i came out as lesbian within this era ) arguably not my finest hour bc i swore i would never watch criminal minds bc the number of seasons is WAY TOO MUCH but here we are i watched it bc i read too much fanfic abt this man. i have lots of criticism for the fandom but he in himself is acc a rly good character. this was supposed to be like my ethical era but he’s acc killed like a bunch of ppl and thomas gibson is MESSY (don’t cancel me pls i say that lovingly 🫶) the haley hotchner misogyny nearly killed me off i don’t think i’ve ever been so miserable in a fandom and the fanfics kinda take feminism back a few hundred years but pretty good besides that

anyways there is my brainrot i hope the two (at most) ppl who will read this enjoyed 🫶 LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO im gonna say i posted this in honour of international lesbian day even tho that was several days ago

[horrorfolk]

blah blah journaling here bc my laptop still don't work

this week has been super stressful but my car is finally working again and it didn't cost as much as I thought. Chris and I had a little trial run of us living together bc he had to stay for a week to drive me around everywhere (bless him). praying he gets this job he just interviewed for so he can move in asap. and yes I have hangups about moving in with yet another partner after not dating for a total year but like 😭 dude idk how anybody can afford to live on their own. me and Tara can't make rent with just the 2 of us and it'd be really nice to be able to save some money. and after my car broke down I for sure couldn't afford to split the house bills 50/50. it was Tara's idea to invite Chris otherwise I never would have suggested it. and we both have our weird feelings and fears about it, to a healthy degree I'd say. I mean idk. my attitude rn is kinda like, I think I've already been through the worst it could possibly get with moving in with a partner? like there's no way it could be worse than That, even if we do break up. we have our own separate spaces also which was the only saving grace me and my ex had after we broke up so that's good. but I also just don't rly see things going so poorly. I mean idk. u never rly know somebody. but Chris just SEEMS different and has actually told me he wants to marry me and be with me forever etc. he is a more open and honest communicator than anyone else I've ever dated. won't be like my ex where he went off and binged a bunch of drugs then lied to me about it, bought a gun and brought it into our house, cheated on me, broke up w me then threatened me with suicide when I decided to move on. like actually fucking crazy person type shit. I can't believe I put up with so much in my last relationship. literally a nightmare. and I can't believe ppl were blaming ME for all that shit 😭 idfk dude. I'm so glad to be out of that situation and living my life now. as stressful as it is rn with school and work I'm still so much better off than I was. Chris is actually a huge sweetheart and shows me affection and loves me in the ways I need to be. and spends time with me. and talks to me lol. like I'm Sorry but after talking over all this with my therapist for so long I've kinda come to the conclusion that none of that shit was my fault. it sucks that some ppl got caught in the crossfire but again it wasn't my fault. I'll take ownership of going back on my word by sleeping w somebody at the house. that was shitty but also? maybe don't cheat on me and lie to me the entire relationship and I'd actually gaf 😭 he got his stupid little "revenge" for that anyway lmfao. I just fr cannot believe the shit I've been through with the awful awful people I've dated.

in an ideal world Chris and I could live on our own for a bit before we move in together but the job market is fucked, the housing market is fucked, and neither of us could rly afford to do that. sooo we just gunna have to move in together. and I was rly reluctant at first but everyone I've talked to has been super in support of it bc he's just such a good guy. plus we've been friends for a few years anyway so it's not like I started dating this stranger then he moved in. we used to talk semi regularly in college. would have hung out if I ever had time.

for a second I was worried I'm like, a bad person who does horrible things and I Have made bad choices don't get me wrong but like. I'm not evil or irredeemable. I have all these friends now who actually love me?? and I made them myself? wild. also quite literally everyone I've talked to about the past events have been like ya dude ur a victim 😭 I feel more guilty about the shit that happened w Friday than I do w my recent ex. bc some of that was objectively my fault bc I was in such a horrible manic episode I was acting crazy. they did kinda SA me but like. idk man. I'm insane sometimes.

the whole thing with that friend saying that "my stress is not their problem" kinda just. idk. idk if we will ever rly be close again. they kind of refused to apologize for anything they said to me or for screwing me over in housing. plus all the shitty posts they made about me. like idk. we talked it over irl and like kinda made up? but I still don't think she ever even said she's sorry lol. and for months I blamed myself for my ex being suicidal bc of all that. until my therapist and I went over it again and again and I've kinda just realized none of that was rly my fault. if anything staying with my ex after the first incident was my mistake. but I felt rly trapped bc we lived together. that's what is so hard about living with a partner especially when you haven't been with them super long. like idk. I have a good feeling abt Chris. I genuinely do want to spend my life with him. I never rly felt that way abt my ex. even when they were moving in I was like ya this is fine/fun for now. but I never felt like my ex was my soulmate or anything. not that I rly believe in that shit. but Chris and I just connect and get each other on a different level. it's the first time I've ever rly felt truly understood by someone.

the things I feel guilty for are more like, I feel guilty for staying with the people who hurt me even after I've already accepted in my mind that they aren't the one. and I do that bc I'm scared of being alone and scared of confronting myself and the reality that it's not a perfect love story or whatever. and my ex did try to fucking. reel me back in after we broke up and keep me there but not fully there. but I removed him from my life after I had had enough and I am proud of myself for that. I don't need someone like that in my life, even as a friend. wishing the best for u but I don't want to be there to see it. after Friday SAd me I should have just ended it but again I stayed bc I was scared. and what I feel most shame for is manically scrounging up a plan to break up without actually breaking up and then making a fool of myself by "proposing" like God that's just so embarrassing lol. but idk like my therapist said I can't fully blame myself for the decisions I make when I'm in a manic episode bc that's just straight up Not Me. like part of the diagnostic criteria for a manic episode is making choices you would not otherwise make. I'm not crazy. I was just deeply traumatized and triggered and couldn't find a way out of it. then ofc they tried to screw me over in every way possible. I make bad choices in people I date. and I look back and I'm like, but if I'm the common denominator of all these people I dated, aren't I the shitty one?? like surely I pushed these people to madness right lol like they weren't bad people they just became corrupted bc I forced them into craziness. idkkkk my therapist also says I can't look at it like that. and that people with lifelong CPTSD often end up in abusive relationships bc of trauma and patterns and shit. so. there's that

while I am wary of possibly repeating my shitty patterns I also just have a good feeling about Chris. I'm at a point in my life where I'm done dating "for fun" like I actually want to find someone to spend my life with now. and I think he could be it. like idk people are like "when u know u know" and I just Know with him. he's such a good person, basically everything I've ever wanted out of a partner. he's smart as fuck and creative and interesting and sweet and loves my friends and has a lot of his own friends and we have similar ways of thinking and want the same things out of life. same lifestyles and same plans for our futures. he's highly emotionally intelligent and I feel like he'd never lie to me. I can trust him. he's always there for me. he's very helpful and never complains about helping me. he helps without even being asked. like mans fr just did our dishes. and I KNOW THE BAR IS IN HELL but fr lmao. I was a little apprehensive at first about dating, and I'm a little apprehensive about moving in together, but my gut says this is right and will help us both out a lot financially. and emotionally tbh.

so yea those are my updates. hopefully he gets this job and then can move in in September. and then I just have 6 months of school left. it feels like I have to grind forever for the rest of my life but it won't be forever. I just gotta get through this and it'll all be worth it. blaaaghdjdnns

[sparklywatercolors]

if i may say something. it takes a flower only a few weeks to grow, meanwhile a tree it takes years and years. Would you say the tree is lazy and terrible because it takes so long? no, because all thigns grow and live at there won pace. This isnt even accounting for outside factors. do not measure your own growth against the growth of others, it is unfair to yourself. especially if you dont consider outside factors and things like that. you are growing at your own pace, be kind to yourself because you deserve it.

I needed to hear that, thank you. I have just been through so much, I feel like I'm still a little little sapling (using the tree example). I think I was overreacting earlier, because you're right. I have been growing. I often tell others that everyone has their own lessons to learn in this lifetime, and yet, here I am wanting things now now now, but I always get hit with roadblocks. I think I need to be more patient with myself. Cause I took it slow with applying to internships, and here I am as a technical writer for a small start up that barely got traction, and my article got them like 10x the amount of readers they had before. (And also my team is rly nice and :((( so encouraging i love them all). Last year, I was allowing some real gross people in my life, allowing them to physically, mentally (you name it!) abuse me. But now I don't take that shit. I have been learning my boundaries. And also, I do so much to help others, sure I don't have a job right now, but that doesn't mean I never will, that doesn't mean the research and volunteer work I do, means nothing. Hell, a few weeks ago, my one environmental group had a Zoom meeting "awards" night. And I was voted as the kindest editor. Who cares about the award, I got to hear the reasons why, I broke down SOBBING. I was told I never give up on anyone, no matter how "bad" they're doing. And that I made everyone feel seen and heard and valued. ((My supervisor had to ask if I was okay, because I was blubbering during me saying thank you, i love you guys so much. )) I have to sit and wonder, why don't I do the same for myself? Why don't I make myself seen and heard. Sure I keep a diary but, it's mostly me talking about others and their accomplishments. I think I might need to treat my smallest accomplishments as a big deal. It might seem silly to some, but as someone who is just *going through it* I think it's a great idea. But thank you for this. <3.

[tealchameleon]

Hi everyone! Used to work at Ulta and can tell you myself this is genuinely such a huge problem. DAILY I would have little girls as young as 6-7 asking for retinol, hyaluronic acid, lip plumpers, lash growing serum, you name it. And pretty much everytime I got crucified, either by the girl or the parents, bc I had to do exactly what OP did and tell them they are too young to be using all this stuff and that it could rly mess them up.

But the worst is when I saw the parents openly encouraging it. The mom who hears her 10 year old daughter say “I really need concealer/serum/etc to fix this��� and agrees for whatever reason “yes you do.” Some are just plain ignorant like OP described but unfortunately a lot are aware (at least somewhat) and just do not care bc their precious baby wants it and they are too scared to say no, or they actually believe the kid really needs all that shit and are misogynistic themselves.

It’s patriarchy at its finest getting disseminated thru social media and then shitty parents perpetuating it even further. Just like how everyone was making memes a few years ago about how they looked at 13 vs how the IG child models look at 13. It’s the exact same thing now except the IG child models in the situation are now even younger. social media instills the beauty standard earlier and earlier and sexualize pre pubescent girls into pedophilic fantasy and so now we’re at the point of 8 year old girls trying to do intense skincare regimens and full face makeup (both things I was asked about pretty much daily by little girls). All bc they watch shit like tiktok and IG unrestrained and get told that this is how you be a girl and this is how you be pretty and pretty means you have worth especially on social media. And at that point I rly can’t blame anyone but the parents who not only let them watch that shit but then feed into it by turning around and buying them drunk elephant, Sunday Riley, you name it.

Telling your 8 year old daughter she cannot use skincare meant for people 40+ is not going to hurt her. It does not make you a mean parent nor does it make you misogynistic to tell her she’s too young for that. Yes all people should have the independence to do what they want with their bodies but a child literally does not know better and it is your job to help them make healthy choices and habits and not just let them do whatever bc “it makes them happy.” Be an involved parent and know what your kid is getting into before you let them dive into it headfirst. Bc if not you will have a daughter with horrific self image issues who spends hundreds on skincare instead of toys or books or literally anything a healthy child would want, buying more and more products to try and fix what the last product did to her skin bc her skin was not meant to be taking all these chemicals and acids at such a young age. It’s a vicious cycle and all you have to do to stop it is be an active parent and not let your kid fall down these horrible rabbit holes. You can let your child have freedom and independence without allowing them to pursue things that are blatantly harmful to both their bodies and their minds.

I just made a 6 year old girl really mad at me in the mall and it was actually a heartbreaking experience

Because I was picking up more moisturiser, and this clearly really young girl and her mother came in to shop skin products, and her mother picked up a combined kit and was like “This is the one you want? Okay I guess” and I took a peak and gently butted in and told her mother I thought that was a really bad idea because she looked super young and those products had a bunch of actives

This little girl was glaring at me like I kicked her puppy while I chatted to her mother, who seemed really embarrassed she didn’t know that, asked some questions, and told me her daughter was 6, obsessed with skincare, said all the other girls at school had similar products, and always watched YouTube videos + Tiktoks about these things.

I told her pretty bluntly it’s a bad idea for young people to use most of these actives/products, gave her some keywords to search online so she’d have a better idea about what to look up and learn more, and suggested maybe they could work on instead building a routine with washing faces with water, a little dab of a very neutral moisturiser and some sunscreen every day (let’s be clear - this little girl does not need a skincare routine, but it’s a compromise without completely shitting on her and helps routine building in life anyway)

I told this kid she was really pretty and she didn’t need anything, and I’m sorry I ruined her fun but I didn’t want her to burn her face with something like retinol or salicylic acid. She was not impressed.

Please chat with the young people in your life about these things, get some rudimentary knowledge if they’re asking for products like this, and please be careful!

[lgndrymuffin]

Warning: Pretty sure I have (quiet) bpd. I also haven't seen my therapist in 2 months. Keep that in mind if you plan on buckling down for this whole vent.

Trying rly hard to convince myself that it is not in fact entitled of me to feel disappointed that I was alone all day for my birthday and just got told almost two weeks later that we (my sister and HER friends) would celebrate, only for them to say that they wanted to do smth else so we couldn't do what I actually wanted (literally just play cards against humanity) but I could go with them with 30 minutes notice? And then my sister is gonna be bitchy that it took me too long to reply when I literally went to bed bc it's 7pm so I assumed we just weren't doing anything?? And then also be bitchy that I don't want to do that???

Like I can't even really be mad at her friends bc like they have no obligation to me, I'm just the autistic younger sister. I'm just honestly disappointed in her, bc

1) I actually did stuff for her birthday. We got food, drinks, I made a giant cookie ice cream cake. She had a boyfriend to take her out and I even let her wear my clothes for the date bc she never does laundry and didn't nag her abt it when she didn't give my dress back for a month.

2) My birthday was a complete afterthought to her. The day of, she came home with a grocery store pie at 10pm. Which, like, obviously I'm grateful for, it could have been nothing. But still.

3) it's like she didn't even try to get these plans sorted until the last possible second again, even on take 2 with 2 weeks of prep time knowing what it is I wanted to do.

4) I'm 95% sure the one and only reason she suggested plans tn is because she felt guilty last week that she convinced me to take her to a restaurant bc she was "hungry and on her period" and then said she didn't have any money so I'd have to get it this time and she would get these plans that we're not even going to now. (Our dinner the other night was 115$. Tonight's plans would have been max 60$ for BOTH of us).

5) Pretty sure that because I said no to the things I didn't want to do, we're just literally not going to do anything now. Yay.

And like it's not even actually about the money or anything, I just wanted to spend time with the very few people I care about. I'm just sick of her always overpromising and underdelivering.

I don't think it's too much to ask to be made to feel special 1 day out of the fucking year, and the only person who did is my not-yet-boyfriend, and I still can't even see him because he's not home yet. He's been gone for 4 months, and I miss him, and he was supposed to be back on Monday, but he's still not home. And now I'm working and school starts for both of us next week and I'm scared that it's going to be like last semester and I'm never going to get to see him and he's the only one that I have here.

And on the note of him supposed to be back Monday. My sister is disgusting to live with, which is a whole other fucking thing. But that's the reason I haven't had him over here ever. And I've straight-up told her that. I even gave her advance warning that he was supposed to come back, to give her time to clean because, and I cannot stress this enough, it is literally all her mess. I made it clear that Monday was the earliest hé would be here, and that it would in fact be a continued occurance. Not only did she NOT get the house clean, it didn't happen because she kept saying she would today, today, today, until it was LITERALLY THE FUCKING DAY OF. Then she gave a shitty, half-assed apology before leaving the house about how she couldn't get it all done. All that was done was the bathroom BECAUSE I DID IT FOR HER, when the kitchen is the most disgusting fucking part, and the first thing you see when you open the front door.

And then because I said he wasn't coming that night after all, she went right back to being a fucking slob, like him not coming Monday meant hé never will be. Nevermind the fact she could at least keep it clean out of respect for the fact that she's not the only fucking person that lives here, but no. If I say anything about, I'm being a bitch because she's "trying so hard" (she literally said before we got this place she would hire a cleaner or figure smth out to avoid this, trying to make it seem like i was gonna be at least 50% of the problem when it is in fact 80% her. We've literally lived here 8 months and I've been able to use our kitchen a handful of times, bc it is always disgusting because of her and she only cleans it up just enough to cook for herself and then leaves even more mess behind.

I'm just so fucking done. At this point if it wasn't for my cat, I'd just be living in my car.

[foxfirexo]

How do you manage to be so confident in speaking to strangers online? (Lo siento if that sounds dumb)

ehehe not dumb at all!!! ^^ thank u for the question i actually work rly hard to be more confident so the fact that u are even asking that makes me feel rly proud that i come across that way hehe

honestly online is easier than irl but for both the mindset shift ive been trying to make for a while (the past year esp) is to just... not giving a fuck ab what other ppl think of what i say. i mean as long as im not forcing myself on anyone then if somebody doesnt like what i have to say, then they can just... not interact with me? and ofc if somebody explicitly told me to stop doing something or fuck off i will respect them 100%

but ya the way i see it is (1) if i do or say something that somebody doesn't like they can either just tell me to fuck off or we can talk it out but also on top of that (2) im not gonna worry ab somebody being upset by me acting in a way that is authentically me bc why the fuck would i want to be around someone who only accepts me watered down/with some persona on

so ya that is a very long winded way of saying i just say fuck it and if someone is uncomfortable with me they can tell me to stop or to fuck off or whatever and ive lost nothing bc if they dont like me being me then they werent someone i want to interact with in the first place :3

incidentally this actually saves you and everyone around you a lot of time and energy too bc being just totally unapologetic and authentic means you will nearly instantly filter out anyone who shouldnt be in your life and you will be left with all the people who you absolutely 100% totally vibe with and i have to say, from experience, no matter how scary it is you will be SO much happier bc it is just so incredible to be surrounded with exclusively people you are on the same wavelength with (not that u have to agree on everything but yk). no more wasting time getting to know somebody only to months later find out you dont get along, this way you will find out VERY quickly

hope that answers ur question and i hope that maybe this inspires u to be a bit more confident <333 just be u!!!

[rosefromc0ncret3]

i barely ever post on here. and when i do, its always when i have a lot on my mind. a year ago, i moved back home after getting a job opportunity in sf. its the position i always wanted at the school i always wanted to work out. i was so excited yet so scared at the same time. it has been quite a year. professionally and personally. professionally, i dont think anything could have prepared me for this job. a lot of moments where i really had to ask myself if i was fit for this position. if it was what i wanted. and if it was even the right decision to come back here. i found myself missing a lot of my socal life. kinda looking at it thru rose tinted glasses. are there aspects of my life from down there that i miss? all the time. but i also have to remember the fact of how hard it was to be on my own, physically. even when i would distract myself and find time to indulge in my hobbies, it would still be difficult to avoid the thoughts in my head. and the overwhelming loneliness i felt. i am glad to be back home for many reasons. but its been hard from living by myself to back to sharing a room with my sister in my childhood home. i love being in close proximity to things and knowing this town like the back of my hand, but i cant help but feel like ive regressed sometimes. it feels like i still have the behaviors i had when i was a teenager, especially when it comes to the arguments i have with my parents. it gets rly frustrating sometimes. becuz i am considered an adult. but not to my parents eyes. but i guess thats how it will always be. how do i become my own person and have my own life without forgetting where i came from? and without forgetting that my parents are also human and gave me what they could while i was growing up? sometimes, it feels like i am having to parent my own self again when it comes to having to unlearn certain ways of thinking.. habits.. the way i talk to myself, etc. it is really difficult. and i see how much it still affects me. but one thing i always tell myself is that i cannot keep blaming others when i too have the power to change that. i guess i am just too into processing my own feelings lately. today, i have felt really lonely again. and that i am wasting my life away. ive just been at home. not really sure who to turn to these days when my close group of friends have their own lives. not sure if anyone knows or remembers i exist sometimes. i know that folks are busy, but i have always struggled with taking things too personal. i feel like this shows up when i feel like i am always the one reaching out or when i dont get an immediate response from people. but again, i know thats just how life is as we get older. i have unfortunately always felt like this. and it really causes me to spiral sometimes and makes me scared that people do not like me as much as i think they do. im not sure why or how i always let how others perceive me affect the way i view myself. and not just from day to day to life, but at work too.

imposter syndrome has been so real in this job. struggling to figure out the right decision, constantly juggling the heaviest situations at the site and consulting with diff folks.. making sure kids are heard and felt safe. unfortunately, sometimes it felt like one of those things had to be compromised in order for another thing to work out. i never felt like i could win sometimes during this past school year. this has been the most challenging year in my career. but it has also been the one that has been giving me the most growth. there were moments where i would be happy after talking to my coworkers or students that served as a reminder of why i chose this field. and then there were moments where it was like.. fuck this all the way lol. i am always told to give myself grace, but how. how when there are so many things going on. sigh. i hope that i can continue to improve going forward. i also dont want my fears to take over so much that i become what i am afraid of. i know that sometimes you just have to jump in it and be about it. in a little over a month, i'll be back in it. maybe during this time i can give myself time to reflect and figure out how i want to fulfill the role after this past year. this may be strange to say.. but i felt like this is the first job where i felt like i excelled. in my previous positions, i felt confident and i knew that i was doing a good job. this one makes me feel opposite. how do i tell the voice that that is not true and to instead challenge those thoughts? it just gets really difficult. but i suppose its easier to sulk in your thoughts instead of having to take action. but i know that wont do any good for me. sigh.

i have been trying to find ways to take care of myself and still stay productive this summer. i have been getting back into an exercise routine, which does feel good actually. going to different cafes have always been a hobby of mine. i just came back from new jersey last week and that is always fun. taking time to myself and trying to rejuvenate my inner being. even if its just for a little bit. these feelings that i have basically vomited out always come and go. but when its here, boy is it present. and it becomes hard to get out of. i hope that with time and patience that i'll be able to let go of these feelings and trust that things will work out. i was watching a documentary the other day and they said "i would like to think that things happen for us and not to us" which is actually something that my previous boss told me. i think about that quote from time to time. but funny enough, i felt like hearing that in the documentary was a sign for me. like a confirmation that things will and always work out.

[thoughtsandeverythingelse]

6 months.

it's been 6 months since i said 'yes' to this boy.

6 months of play, of getting to know myself, of getting to know each other. i guess i still feel the hesitation towards this relationship. i realised i don't feel a sense of 'all-in' or '100%' as i would have with the previous boy that i really liked - but i'm also quite uncertain why. i am aware that it is not meant to be compared apples to oranges, but deep down, i'm a bit confused as to why i feel this way. 6 months of play, of getting to know myself, of getting to know each other. i guess i still feel the hesitation towards this relationship. i realised i don't feel a sense of 'all-in' or '100%' as i would have with the previous boy that i really liked - but i'm also quite uncertain why. i am aware that it is not meant to be compared apples to oranges, but deep down, i'm a bit confused as to why i feel this way. regardless, it's been 6 months - and i said 'i love you' for the first time.

it's funny even with all the hesitation, 'i love you' was something i was pretty confident to say. i saw the way he loves me. since starting my career, he's been nothing but understanding. he is willing to hear all about my cases, he starts the conversation now by asking me 'how was your day' - after i told him i would appreciate if he says so first. he patiently waited for me even after my easter production rehearsals, picked me up from work and ensures that i get a proper meal. i may not be 100% confident - perhaps because his walk with God isn't as evident as i've anticipated my future partner to be. i can't help but compare, but yet the way he loves me - seems so sacrificial and willing. back to the two deal breakers, here is an update: 1. he initiated to start a book with me (James!) but we didn't go far after i mansplained to him in thelogy terms haha. but apparently he went to read it all on his own. i see that he is trying this whole christianity thing, and he even told me himself: i am a christian, i think the whole catholic thing is so structured and God moves a lot more evidently here. OH and also, he's attending YA summit, so yay?

2. acceptance with his family is slow, but it is getting somewhere. i met his parents for the first time in the new year (2024), and ate with his father. his mother is still taking time to warm up to me, but she bought me a bracelet when they were in the phillppines. his cousin and i hung out, and i think she enjoyed it. she also acknowledges that his mother can be a bit, protective.

so i guess you could say, there is somewhat progress. perhaps it is not a steep growth, but there is definitely some form of growth heading in a positive direction. for some reason, i'm sensing a huuuge bulk of hesitation. but i am still unable to pin point why. i told myself to give myself 6 more months, so i guess here we go. but i guess the reason why i was willing to say 'i love you' first was because: 1. i knew he was very ready to say it from the start, and he wanted me to say it to know that i truly meant it.

2. i might have a lot of hesitation towards this relationship. but he has been consistent, and i do look forward to seeing him at the end of the day.

3. i felt that saying those three words first, would have been a significant move for me, to show him (and more so to myself) that i am really, attempting to be serious in this. well God please give me wisdom, because i dont rly know how to navigate where this is going haahha. please show me more in the next 6 months with the 2 points, i could really use it. amen.

[scarlethallow160]

why tf do one bedroom apartments have to be so expensive (this is a huge vent dump pls avert your gazes)

my roommate keeps inviting people to our apartment without fucking telling me (or waiting til the LAST possible second to do so) even tho i’ve said time and time again i hate when people do that especially cuz he has a bad habit of doing that when we have plans where he just invites other people (esp people i barely know or dont know at all) without telling me or anyone else that was already involved. its even more aggravating cuz when this is brought up he acts like he makes sure to avoid this and he fucking doesnt like when i lived with an old friend and an ex-friend, him and our other friend invited someone to our place (so they invited a stranger to a place they did not live at) and none of them fucking told me until i was literally about to walk inside after work and like am i crazy or do people not see how rude that is?? like dawg thats my fucking home U GOTTA TELL ME WHEN PEOPLE THAT DO NOT LIVE THERE ARE GOING TO BE THERE

and if ur going to force me to interact with strangers have the decency to introduce us???? once we went to meet with some friends (not rly but i’d met them before) and ig one of their sisters was there and they just. didnt introduce us to each other? and we were on opposite ends of the table so its not like we could really interact either? and they did this when we got invited to another friends bday thing where someone i’d never been introduced to was there and they didnt fuckin introduce us and i was anxious cuz i was sitting across from her and finally had to be like “oh hi are u x? i’m so-and-so” like jesus christ is this not common sense for people? why are yall okay with forcing complete strangers to hangout

and with work today i was so overstimulated and got more and more aggravated by this cuz like i dont want to have to move every year and one bedrooms are so expensive rn but im so fucking tired of going thru this. not to mention we dont have a ceiling fan in our living room so he turns down the ac rly low when people are over so it jacks up our ac bill so it makes me even More anxious cuz him inviting people over = social anxiety for me and general anxiousness knowing our bill is going to be higher

i was so aggravated by this i ended up skipping out on plans we had today cuz my roommate also talks about himself. a lot. and we were out with friends like yesterday night or smthing and he kept going on and on about some guys he’s talking to on a dating app and i knew that would just make me angrier and idk it kinda sucked that one of my other friends involved thought i felt i was rly close with didnt seem to gaf either that i abruptly dropped out and theres obviously something wrong with me mental health-wise cuz i have this really bizarre self-sabotaging tendency when my mood severely dips where i convince myself no one cares or everyone hates me and think of this dark scenarios and just kind of start spiraling

and with my anger issues i go thru this weird loop of understanding a lot of my emotional/temperamental and communication issues stems from my fucked up family cuz my mom is super vain/self-absorbed and never thinks she can be wrong and basically my sisters are the same so i keep things bottled up and end up getting REALLY angry with no healthy outlet until i reach a breaking point and im just not great with communicating how i rly feel either cuz talking to my family was like talking to a brick wall and my older sister would literally cut me off constantly telling me to shut up so i rarely communicate things beyond like....joking around and stuff so i tend to vent/trauma dump into the void on social media lmfao which is obviously not healthy at all either but like......yeah it also sucks when i start spiraling and thinking back on this shit that i’ll never get closure from the longterm issues i developed from my family cuz now they want to act like we’re this tight-knit super close family that always got along and even if i were to ever bring this shit up they’d just point fingers or deny doing anything wrong.

 idk like its nice having a group of friends i can hangout with and stuff irl but also i feel like i cant ever really talk to them about anything like this that im going thru cuz i also feel super uncomfortable thinking i might be making things about myself (and honestly i do hate when people trauma-dump on me completely out of nowhere so i also want to avoid doing that)

also whats stopping me about addressing these issues with my roommate is cuz he has a tendency to victimize himself and thinking hes just being attacked? like he’s also super self-deprecating All the time which is also extremely exhausting to deal with constantly and it pisses me off that with our other friend/my old roommate, my current roommate kisses his ass and listened to him when he told him these issues of him being too self-deprecating etc. but ik if anyone else did he would just feel sorry for himself

im tired of this