#sorry got on my soapbox again

[tealchameleon]

Hi everyone! Used to work at Ulta and can tell you myself this is genuinely such a huge problem. DAILY I would have little girls as young as 6-7 asking for retinol, hyaluronic acid, lip plumpers, lash growing serum, you name it. And pretty much everytime I got crucified, either by the girl or the parents, bc I had to do exactly what OP did and tell them they are too young to be using all this stuff and that it could rly mess them up.

But the worst is when I saw the parents openly encouraging it. The mom who hears her 10 year old daughter say “I really need concealer/serum/etc to fix this” and agrees for whatever reason “yes you do.” Some are just plain ignorant like OP described but unfortunately a lot are aware (at least somewhat) and just do not care bc their precious baby wants it and they are too scared to say no, or they actually believe the kid really needs all that shit and are misogynistic themselves.

It’s patriarchy at its finest getting disseminated thru social media and then shitty parents perpetuating it even further. Just like how everyone was making memes a few years ago about how they looked at 13 vs how the IG child models look at 13. It’s the exact same thing now except the IG child models in the situation are now even younger. social media instills the beauty standard earlier and earlier and sexualize pre pubescent girls into pedophilic fantasy and so now we’re at the point of 8 year old girls trying to do intense skincare regimens and full face makeup (both things I was asked about pretty much daily by little girls). All bc they watch shit like tiktok and IG unrestrained and get told that this is how you be a girl and this is how you be pretty and pretty means you have worth especially on social media. And at that point I rly can’t blame anyone but the parents who not only let them watch that shit but then feed into it by turning around and buying them drunk elephant, Sunday Riley, you name it.

Telling your 8 year old daughter she cannot use skincare meant for people 40+ is not going to hurt her. It does not make you a mean parent nor does it make you misogynistic to tell her she’s too young for that. Yes all people should have the independence to do what they want with their bodies but a child literally does not know better and it is your job to help them make healthy choices and habits and not just let them do whatever bc “it makes them happy.” Be an involved parent and know what your kid is getting into before you let them dive into it headfirst. Bc if not you will have a daughter with horrific self image issues who spends hundreds on skincare instead of toys or books or literally anything a healthy child would want, buying more and more products to try and fix what the last product did to her skin bc her skin was not meant to be taking all these chemicals and acids at such a young age. It’s a vicious cycle and all you have to do to stop it is be an active parent and not let your kid fall down these horrible rabbit holes. You can let your child have freedom and independence without allowing them to pursue things that are blatantly harmful to both their bodies and their minds.

I just made a 6 year old girl really mad at me in the mall and it was actually a heartbreaking experience

Because I was picking up more moisturiser, and this clearly really young girl and her mother came in to shop skin products, and her mother picked up a combined kit and was like “This is the one you want? Okay I guess” and I took a peak and gently butted in and told her mother I thought that was a really bad idea because she looked super young and those products had a bunch of actives

This little girl was glaring at me like I kicked her puppy while I chatted to her mother, who seemed really embarrassed she didn’t know that, asked some questions, and told me her daughter was 6, obsessed with skincare, said all the other girls at school had similar products, and always watched YouTube videos + Tiktoks about these things.

I told her pretty bluntly it’s a bad idea for young people to use most of these actives/products, gave her some keywords to search online so she’d have a better idea about what to look up and learn more, and suggested maybe they could work on instead building a routine with washing faces with water, a little dab of a very neutral moisturiser and some sunscreen every day (let’s be clear - this little girl does not need a skincare routine, but it’s a compromise without completely shitting on her and helps routine building in life anyway)

I told this kid she was really pretty and she didn’t need anything, and I’m sorry I ruined her fun but I didn’t want her to burn her face with something like retinol or salicylic acid. She was not impressed.

Please chat with the young people in your life about these things, get some rudimentary knowledge if they’re asking for products like this, and please be careful!

[sorunort]

the other day my partner and i got boba and they finished isat so i wanted to draw siffrin with boba to celebrate but then i was compelled to draw them and loop in my clothes again and iiiiiiiiiiit quickly spiraled out of control once i thought 'it'd be funny to give him the springtrap shirt' so sorry for the accidental fnaf lore dump? mirabelle would like fnaf you can't change my mind on this her favorite is withered chica. this is my soapbox rant idk

[emmyrosee]

okay so, this evening has not been fun for me, so ofc I’m gonna try coping via escapism 🤩

and as always you are absolutely NOT obligated to write it. I’m so serious, if you don’t want to there’s absolutely zero pressure emmy, I’d completely understand one hundred percent.

very long story short, I got my grades back for this semester and despite doing soooo much better overall this year than my first year and not failing a single class this time around, unless I get a miracle it’s looking like I’m going to have to be asked to withdraw from my university for a whole year ☹️

and as someone who got straight As from elementary til my last year of high school/made school my whole life, this is just an enormous blow to any self confidence I had finally built back up. I was doing better mentally and finally feeling a bit like myself again and I’ve just felt so sick with anxiety all evening because I don’t even know what to do anymore. If they decide to ask me to leave, it’ll make my chances of medical school even slimmer than they already were and I can’t help but feel like a bit of a failure and like I’ve just ruined my future despite knowing it’s not all true and I still have options :(

it’s so hyper specific and I’m so so so sorry abt that, but would it be possible for some comfort + tons of fluff with kuroo possibly? I just want to be babied a bit by this fictional man LOL. I feel like he’d know exactly what to do and how to get my mind off of it until I inevitably get that email :(

anon <3

My love, I am so sorry you’re having to go through this, and I am here, to PERSONALLY, tell you that you are far from a failure, and you should still be proud of yourself for getting so far. It’s okay to have bumps like this that halt your dreams, and it doesn’t make you any less deserving of continuing to chase those dreams. And hey! Use me as an example! I went from being a mechanic for four years and being fired for being so terrible (yes that is an actual thing that happened) then I went to college for writing; and now I’m a licensed esthetician with a focus in makeup artistry! There is no such thing as a dead end, no such thing as a closed room, just keep treating yourself gently and reminding yourself that this is far from over, your dream is still more than obtainable with some time and it is more than okay.

Ahem. Let me get off my soapbox PFFFF-

——-

Last night, you refreshed your emails who knows how many times, staring at your computer screen on the verge of hyperventilating for what felt like hours- and it might have been; your brain can’t process how long it was right now.

Your bottom lip was tight between your teeth, the hand on the mouse pad trembling, waiting in anticipation, tight with nerves. Your other rested a fist on your lap, waiting for the results and occasionally wiping a rogue tear that falls.

There’s a soft rapping on the door, but you don’t turn to face it. You merely keep refreshing.

“Hey,” tetsuro whispers, and you hear his feet padding into the room, and when he gets next to you, he crouches down. Once again, you can’t spare him a glance. “Any updates?”

You stay silent. He winces, “I’ll take that at a no…” he lays a warm hand on your back and gently rubs it in circles, “it’s okay baby. We’ll figure it out, we always do.”

“Tetsuro, please,” you whimper, not quite in the mood for a pep talk. “I’m going to puke right now, my life is in flames and crumbling around me, I’m so nervous, please. Save the pep talk, I can’t handle it right now.”

“I'm sorry,” he soothes. He doesn’t say anything further, just rubbing your back in slow, firm circles with his palm, blinking his golden eyes up at you warmly, lovingly.

You feel your body cramp from being under his loving touch, suddenly dawning on you just how long you've been sitting in the chair, inert and unwilling to peel your eyes from the email inbox. You suddenly become hyperaware of how your legs feel numb, your fingers are cramped and your eyes are burning. It's the first time in hours you've taken a break from your refreshing to scrub at your eyes, breeding a wetness to try and soothe the sting.

You hear Tetsuro sigh, "why... don't we go to bed, angel?"

"No."

"But-"

"I can't," you whimper. "Not now. Not yet-" your breathing picks up as you look at him in despair, chest fluttering and heart pounding as you try to breathe. He furrows his brows and shushes you softly, big hands moving to cradle your cheeks and force you to look at him.

"Baby," he says softly, but firm enough to ground you. "It's late. They're not going to send it this late at night. And if they do, we'll deal with it when we wake up tomorrow. But I'm almost certain they're not going to send it to you this late. I promise, okay?"

You let out a shaky sigh and look at the time: 22:43. It's far too late to be thinking, to be worrying, and you'd much rather breakdown in the comfort of your own bed, than alone in this wooden chair.

But you do know that, no matter what, Tetsuro is going to be right next to you, rubbing your back and cradling you close.

When you say nothing, Tetsuro slowly stands up and scoops you in his big, strong arms, "come on, angel face. Let's get some rest." You thunk your head against his chest and fist your fingers into the collar of his shirt, letting him carry you to the bathroom where he plops you down on the countertop.

He grabs your toothbrush and some toothpaste, and gently tells you to open, which you sleepily do. He's extra careful, making sure to get every tooth he can, scrubbing softly as to not make you uncomfortable. Silence, save for the bristles on the toothbrush, fills the room, the corner of Tetsuro's tongue sticking out in focus.

"Okay. Spit," he says, moving so you can comfortably turn your head and spit the froth out. Skincare comes next, and his touch is even softer as he massages in every product you use.

"Good girl," he whispers, picking you back up to carry you to bed. "My good girl. Good, brave girl..."

You drift off in his arms at his praise, not even feeling the way he gets you into pajamas or gets you under the covers, the exhaustion of the constant high of anxiety weighing you down.

Waking up this morning, your bones feel like bricks under the wall of your muscles, barely able to move under the force of it all. Your skin feels like paper, so hyper aware of it now that you’ve had the time to come down from your anxious state. You blink up at your ceiling, eyelids tight as you do, and you continue to stare and let your body wake up molecule by molecule, inch by inch. You feel it coming to life, and you slowly bring your hands up to press the heels of your palms into your eyesockets to force the rest of the sleep out of your eyes.

When your hand then drops next to you, you feel yourself grow saddened at the lack of warmth. Tetsuro’s been out of bed long enough to let his side cool down, and it makes you want to cry at the idea of being alone right now.

You never should’ve shut him down last night. All he wanted to do was help, and you shut him up and made him feel bad, now he’s not even in bed with you anymore, and you feel tears sting at your eyes again, this time out of anxiety of making him upset, and-

“Ah, you’re up.”

Your guilty, howling mind shuts up as soon as tetsuro’s body makes its way into the doorway, smiling and stirring his tea with a spoon. “Good morning, babygirl.” He takes a step into the bedroom and before you know it, he’s at your side, sitting on the bed next to you. He uses his free arm to wrap around you, but not pull you to his chest. “Did you sleep okay?”

“No,” you whimper, voice croaky. He nods and lets his thumb rub up and down the curve of your shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled at you last night.”

His brow cocks in confusion, “huh?”

Now, finally, you turn to face him, “I snapped at you… I told you to-“

“You told me you didn’t want a pep talk,” he chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s okay. You’re allowed to tell me that my words might not be the most helpful. I’m not going to get mad at you for that. It’s not like you told me to shut my ugly ass up- you’d never do that, I’m too pretty.”

This, for the first time in what feels like days, has you crack a smile. You let out a small laugh, breathy and barely there, but he smiles proudly all the same, pulling you in for a hug now. “You’re a goof,” you murmur.

“And you, need to eat something,” he whispers against your head, and you deflate in his arms again. “Don’t you protest me, you know you have to eat something.”

“‘M not hungry,” you say.

“I know, but you didn’t eat last night, and I let you sleep in-“ at his words, your eyes flick to the clock on your nightstand, red numbers flicked onto 10:24. “You have to have something.”

“But-“

“I know,” he says. “Do you want something sweet, or savory?”

20 questions. It’s something he does after a fit of your anxiety to try and make your life just a hair easier, decisions quicker, and your day just a bit brighter because you’re getting exactly what you want. He claims he used to do it with kenma, hence why he’s so good at it.

“Uhm…” you shrug, “why not both?”

“Both?” He echos. “Okay. Do you want fruit?” You nod. He nods with you. “Okay. How about a bagel?” You nod again. “Okay. With some cream cheese?” You shake your head and he clicks his tongue, “butter?” You shake your head again, “okay. Uhmmmm-“

“I want to do it,” you mumble, and he presses a kiss to your head.

“You sure? Because I can whip something up-“

“I have to do it. I have to put the toppings on my bagel.”

He nods a final time and squeezes you close, “okay. If you need any help deciding, I’m right here, okay? I’ll be cutting your fruit.”

You hum and slowly swing your legs out of the bed, stretching and mewling from the force. When your hand instinctively darts for your phone, he clicks his tongue, "leave it. You don't need it right now."

"But-"

"I told your family to text me if they need you. Your phone is on do not disturb. Leave it there, babe." He swings his own long legs over and extends a hand out to you, wiggling his fingers enticingly for you to hold. When you grab three of them, he smiles and slowly leads you into the kitchen.

The news is playing on tv at a low volume, there’s a discarded blanket on the couch, and you quirk a brow in intrigue, “tetsu, how did you know I was awake?”

He shrugs, “my life shifts when you wake up for the day. I feel it in my soul.”

“Ew.”

“Shaddup.”

You laugh again, smiling a weak smile as you plop down at the table. He makes his way to begin cooking your bagel, popping it in the toaster before making his way to cut up your fruit. You sigh and play with your fingers, wondering if you should make conversation, or let silence rule, and you sigh shakily before opening your mouth to speak. “What’re you going to have?”

“I, my love, already ate some toast with some apple jelly and butter.”

“Oh.”

“But I’m going to pick at some fruit with you, because I don’t want you eating alone.”

“You don’t have to do that-“

“I know,” he hums. Then, he turns to face you with a smile. “I want to.”

Your heart flutters as you smile at him, looking down at your fingers to distract yourself. Usually, you’d be scrolling through your social media, checking apps and emails, but since he forbade it, you’re left to listen to him sing softly and the newscaster drone on and on. After a few short minutes, your bagel pops, and he plates it with some sliced fruit and places it in front of you, before kissing your head and grabbing various toppings for it.

Breakfast drags, but in a comforting way, where it drips by so slow like honey, syrupy sweet as Tetsuro talks. He talks about everything and anything, about the game Kenma's going to stream for charity, and the funny meme he sent the streamer- or funny to Tetsuro at least, as allegedly Kenma left him on read. You find yourself eating at his company, and before you know it, your bagel, juice, and fruit is gone. You look down at your plate in surprise, and he wiggles his brows at you, "feel better, angel?"

"Uhm... yeah," you say, almost confused. "I didn't think I was that hungry."

"I don't care how you thought, I'm glad you ate." He stands out of his chair with a stretch, "you still hungry? I can make you another-"

"No," you sigh. "I... I really should check my email-"

"Not until I give you a bath and a massage."

You quirk your brow, "you're going to give me a bath and a massage?"

"Of course," he chuckles, "If you're too anxious to give yourself some self care, that's plenty fine, but that means I'm going to give you self care." He shrugs, "those are just the rules."

"Do you even know how to give a massage?"

"Bokuto and I used to massage each other after practice all the time." Your brow quirks higher, and he holds his hand up, "don't ask. Just trust me."

"Can Bokuto give me a massage?" You tease, giggling at the way he gives you a fake smile and a high pitched "no," to tease you.

He presses a kiss to your head, "I'm going to go run the bath, why don't you get changed and meet me in there?"

"Okay," you hum. He nudges your nose with a finger before stalking down the hall to the bathroom. When your hear the tub running, you make a dash towards the small office room for your laptop, nervous to check your email, and-

"I took it out!" He calls, followed by a cackle.

"You're an ass!"

"It's your favorite ass, though!"

You grumble and make your way to the bedroom to get undressed per his request, stealing one of his oversized shirt to conceal yourself until the tub is filled. You stalk into the bathroom and blush under the way his eyes glaze up and down you, "fuck, I love you in my clothes."

"Back off, I'm about to bathe," you snort.

"Yeah, but I can still find you hot." As the tub fills, he adds a scoop of epsom salt, and a splash of bathing bubbles, large bubbles brewing on the surface of the water. You smile and watch them shape and form, the sweet smell filling the air around you. You feel excitement brewing inside of you as you watch him turn off the water and push himself up and off the floor with the edge of the tub, "should do it, baby. I'm gonna let you soak, I'll set up for a little massage after, make you nice and comfortable.

"Okay," you mewl. He presses a kiss to your lips and makes his way to the door. "Hey, Tetsu?" You say, reaching for his hand, which he takes happily. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, babygirl," he whispers. "You know that." He pinches your cheek and leaves the bathroom for you to relax.

The bath water is warm as you soak in the epsom salt, feeling your muscles loosen and relish in the combination. You bury your face in the bubbles and close your sleepy eyes, letting the smells lull you into a state of relaxation. Your head is still heavy with anxiety, but your heart is full of love and warmth for your boyfriend.

You're not sure how long you were floating in silence, lost in the bubbles and oils, but he gently knocks on the door, "you okay? Haven't heard you for a bit."

"Yes," you mewl, stretching. The water is now chilly and the bubbles are mostly gone and you rub your hands over the surface of the water. "Is the massage stuff ready?" You tease, looking at your hands and wincing at how pruny they are.

"It's been ready, I didn't want to bother you," he snickers. “Come out when you’re ready, just wanted to make sure you were alive.”

��I’m alive, I’m coming,” you call, getting out of the tub to dry yourself. You take your time drying off, trying to enjoy the last little bit of warmth clinging to your skin. You leave the bathroom to get dressed into some clean pajamas, smiling as tetsuro busies himself with the whole massage set up. “Candles? You spoil me.”

“There’s a lot of smells going on,” he says with a face.

“I know I can tell,” you hum. Getting dressed, you slip on a pair of his boxers and a shirt, and you make your way to the bed to wait for him.

“Alright-“ he pats the bed for you to crawl on top of. “C’mere, let me pamper you.”

You giggle, “you have been pampering me!” Regardless, you swing your legs onto the bed and lay on your stomach, squeaking as he straddles you and cracks his knuckles.

He lays a massive paw on each of your shoulders, using his thumb to splay and press the muscle under his force, and your eyes cross in the middle and flutter in relaxation. They work in circles to press into the muscles, before laying flat on your back to dig his heel into before his fingers press and roll back up to your shoulders.

Thick fingers roll over the knot in your right shoulder, no doubt from the refreshing of the page for hours on end last night. You whine and bury your face in the bed, and he hums, "I know beautiful, I almost got it."

"Feels good," you murmur.

"Told you it would," he says softly. “You need to trust me.”

“I think I trust you too much,” you snicker. Tetsuro says nothing, merely offering you a laugh through his nose as he continues with the massage.

Your body twitches as the tips of his fingers dig into your side as part of the massage, but your snicker doesn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend. “Something wrong?” He hums, doing it again.

"Tetsu!" You giggle, reaching behind you to try and stop his wrists, "that tickles!"

"That's crazy, I'm not tickling you," he snickers, and it's hard to tell if he's lying or not. "I mean, I can tickle you, if you want-"

"No!" You squeal, and your laughter turns choppy as he uses the sides of his hands to playfully chop up and down your back, making your body instinctively let out bumpy noises from your mouth.

“Quite an attitude on ya today,” he taunts, before hooking his fingers up under your arms, making you shriek, “okay, now I’m tickling you.”

Your mind spins from the sensory change, the signals in your brain cross, but one thing is for certain:

The email is far from the front of your mind.

And it feels good to laugh.

[capseycartwright]

sorry to get on my soapbox but we really truly need to have a conversation about the kinds of comments people in this fandom leave on fic because i am not sure some of you realise how disrespectful you are actively being.

like if you read a fic that someone has put time and effort into writing (FOR FREE!!!!! like i can’t speak for anyone else but i write fic in the margins of my very busy full time job and life. i actively give up my already little free time to write silly little fics because it brings me joy) and the only comment you can leave is not at all related to the fic and is just a word vomit of your feelings about a storyline on the show, maybe don’t leave a comment at all. genuinely. like maybe that’s harsh but if at no point in your entire comment you throw in a, “I enjoyed this fic” or a “this was nicely written” then your comment isn’t at all about the fic and could frankly have been a post on your own tumblr account.

this was entirely inspired by a comment i just got on my fic and like after spending my whole morning writing something for winter of buddie and being excited to write something again, getting a comment like the below is genuinely quite enraging. because it’s nothing to do with the fic i have written. christopher isn’t actually even in the fic, he’s only mentioned. i don’t even know if i am articulating myself properly here but like, can you see why getting a comment like this would be so disheartening when you’ve just posted your own written work for the world to see and you get an email saying you’ve got a comment and it’s just this? no mention of the actual plot of your fic - no thoughts on your actual fic. just a rant that belongs on a personal blog.

like. fic writers really truly don’t ask for much. they spend hours writing fic (for free! in their spare time! for the love of it!) and all they want in return is a few comments that are actually about the story they’ve written. all they want is a wee bit of feedback about the piece of writing you’ve just read. doesn’t even have to be long, but please make your comments about the actual fic. just like. keep that in mind when you go to write a comment. because this is not the first time i have gotten a comment exactly like this but it’s the first time i am furious enough to make a post about it because sometimes it feels like some of u guys don’t appreciate what an incredible thing it is to get so much fic to enjoy entirely for free.

[dandyshucks]

i will attempt to explain it and people are free (and welcome) to tell me if i'm misunderstanding or speaking out of turn! also I have troubles with tone in writing when I'm trying to be clear, so please read this all in as kind of a tone as possible - there is no bad judgement in any of my words here, nor am i meaning to be patronizing, and I apologize in advance if I come across that way!

(also disclaimer that there is infinite nuance to this situation and I cannot possibly cover all of it, but I feel like maaaybe this is a main theme that people are possibly missing, and that it's causing issues)

but I think what I am seeing is there are vaguely two sides in the selfship sphere - I have labelled them as the "community-builders" and the "scrapbookers" just for clarity's sake; this is not an attempt to divide ppl. the community-builders want to build community and connect and interact with each other. the scrapbookers are just here to post/rb about their F/O as if they're gluing photos and text into a scrapbook and that's it, they're not actively seeking a community for themselves.

both of these things are okay and fine! neither of these sides are bad or lesser in any way, they are just looking for different things in the time they spend on tumblr. (more under the cut bc it's a long post otherwise)

I think some of the issues are arising from community-builders assuming that scrapbookers are ALSO wanting community but just not putting the work in. so to community-builders, the scrapbookers appear as if they're expecting interaction without putting in any effort themselves, but I don't think that's the case. I think scrapbookers are just not looking for community the way that community-builders are - they want two different things from their experience in the selfship sphere!

I think there IS occasionally an issue where some people expect or beg for interaction without actually interacting with anyone themselves, but in that case it is best to block and move on OR let the person know directly (and kindly) that they should try to interact with others if they want interaction themselves.

unfortunately it seems like a lot of knowledge around community building and upkeep is not well-known in the present-day, because of [gestures vaguely at our current societal structure and the way social media functions now compared to how it used to etc etc etc]. so I do feel that posts encouraging people to interact with one another are good and helpful and sometimes even needed, but they are not applicable to the scrapbookers. I wonder sometimes if community-builders see scrapbookers having fun in their own little corner and assume that the they must want attention but aren't getting any, so we end up with an attempted rescue situation where community-builders make a "let's all interact more!" post to try to drum up interaction for the scrapbookers even though they aren't actually wanting that.

i know for myself, while I do enjoy the circle of friends and mutuals I've made, I am not super community-oriented. I interact with my mutuals and friends because I like to do so, and I also welcome in new friends and followers with open arms, but I am never expecting interaction and rarely actively seek it out. If my art gets notes, great! But that's simply a bonus for me personally. So to think that some people might look at 0 note posts of mine and think "oh that poor soul! they must be desperate for interaction! i have to do something about this!", that... feels a little silly and even a bit presumptuous on their part. I'm okay over here in my corner, I promise! :] I'm just here to have a space to love fictional characters, and I don't feel like I necessarily Want attention for that.

and to clarify! it is okay to want community, and to want interaction. we just have different wants and goals from our time here, that's all. neither of us are wrong for what we want and neither of us are better than the other - we just have different things we're looking for in this part of the internet, and that is okay :]

i keep seeing an argument of sorts floating around every couple of months and i think maybe the reason the argument is happening is because people are not realizing they want different things out of this all

[cursecuelebre]

There’s a reason why I stay a solitary witch and pagan is because everytime I attempt to make a connection people just like to follow opinions that are not wanted to just be a dramatic jerk.

I posted a book recommendation in a heathen FB group, that i didn’t know that the author was problematic rather than educating me of why they just responded with “this shouldn’t be posted here and it needs to be taken down.” Okay?? the vibes irk me and I left. It was a good group that was open to all but apparently not their attitudes. If anyone was wondering the book was Taking Up The Runes by Diana Paxson who I thought was a good and unproblematic author. But RECENTLY she got into trouble and is no longer with Troth a Norse pagan organization as an elder. I’m also haven’t been around long enough to know her past problems but this year I think she has been in trouble about abuse but there’s no criminal charges that I am unaware of but oh my gods just tell me, I didn’t know what they were getting mad at me for but “the mod team is on it.” Like I wrote something terrible and bigoted, I just wrote a book recommendation that explained what it was about! No need to get on your soapbox.

I’m sorry but I needed to rant that severely pissed me off. There was someone that tagged me on the post in May talking about her being kicked off which again I wasn’t aware of. I thanked them for that but at the end of the day I was second guessing if I should post on there in the first place without thinking I’d be attacked for it. So yeah I left unfortunately it was a group d that was very progressive and left leaning heathens which I support but nah that is toxic if they can’t have simple communication skills.

I think this brings a bigger discussion up about communication within pagan communities not just heathen groups. How important is to be civil in a conversation and letting people know respectfully that “hey don’t support this person anymore because of x, y, and z.”

[cedric-k-rossignol]

Hi! Afteer readinga lot of posts about claudia x ut recently i really cant still agreewith it💀, and the thing is Claudia Phantomhive wasn't even born or either a very young child when UT deserted from the reaper dispatch so this theory doesn't make sense with the timeline.As someone who has read a lot of theories, they lack the argument that Undertaker lived more than 80+ years and that Francis did not react to him as a father. That theory has no ground to stand on.There rly isn’t actually the timeline doesn’t line up at all UT was retired way before Claudia was even born

Hiya! Agree to disagree and all, but I'm taking this as an invitation to do my favourite activity and step up on my claudiataker soapbox. It also doesn't seem like you've read my theories, but I can't blame you for that cause for real they long as hell ☠️ who got time for that.

It seems like you're more caught up on the idea that Undertaker rebelled against reaper HQ/retired because of Claudia - and it seems you think that he would have to have been a human to be in love with her? And you're right - Claudia was either not born or a very young child around those times. In all my theories I maintain that the reason Undertaker wiped out half of reaper HQ around 70 years before the events of the manga, and the reason why he officially deserted and smuggled out his death scythe 50 years prior to the events of the manga have to do with Queen Victoria, not Claudia. Those dates line up with Victoria's birth year of 1819, and with her ascension to power in 1837. I talked about Undertaker's dissociation from his human life after his suicide in the 14th century, and his return to humanity with the 'Molly G' locket in 1837 in this ask, you might want to check it out. In short, I don't think these events have anything to do with Claudia - Undertaker had his own reasons for doing what he did. He has a moral code separate from Claudia, and I think that's great because women are too often used as a man's moral compass and honestly it's tiring... Like, let us be immoral and evil too, damn...

But why are you dismissing the possibility he and Claudia met and fell in love after he deserted?

"They lack the argument that Undertaker lived more than 80 years". Sorry anon, an 80 year old is still a spring chicken compared to how old I think Undertaker is. I think he was born on March 25, 1331 - which would make him a whopping 558 years old in 1889. Physically, I think he was 34 when he died on January 28, 1366. Again, I don't see how this would prevent him and Claudia from falling in love? I mean it's a bit of a May December romance, I'll give you that, but... I don't understand why this isn't a possibility?

Frances! I adore her! I think she has oodles and oodles of daddy issues!!! And probably a few mommy issues too. I get a very different read on her interactions with Undertaker than you have.

Keep in mind that Frances is a pretty stoic person. She's the antithesis of her daughter Lizzie in that way, who is much more emotionally expressive. Frances, to me, doesn't seem at all pleased to see him. Perhaps even a little pained...

Undertaker making this comment implies he was around at the time of her birth.

Yana has said that Frances takes after their father, whereas Vincent takes after their mother. I think Undertaker, who was devoted to Claudia, found loving Vincent as a father to be natural, easy, and beautiful.

But Undertaker was also someone who committed suicide, and I believe he was mentally ill and had PTSD from his life as a human in 14th century Brittany - nevermind 450 years of witnessing trauma second-hand through watching records, and watching people die in all manner of ways. A parent who hates themself might struggle to love a child who looks so much like them, acts so much like them - this is awful, but it's true. And while stoic, disciplined, stern Frances (with a natural talent for swordsmanship!) might not seem much like Undertaker we've come to know, she sure does sound a lot like reaper 136649.

If that didn't complicate matters enough, Claudia also died while Vincent and Frances were still young - and I don't doubt that Undertaker at the very least emotionally abandoned them both in his grief.

And this isn't even to mention that Undertaker being Vincent's and Frances' father makes them illegitimate - they're technically bastards, living in a world where status and legitimacy are very important as an Earl and a Marchioness.

It's possible Frances blames Undertaker for Claudia's death - and that could be deserved or undeserved. She might blame him for Vincent's death as well, given his parentage is a factor in why he died.

All together, Frances likely holds some serious resentment towards Undertaker, and I think it's completely in line with what we know about her character for her to react coldly to her father's unwelcome and unwanted reappearance in her life, instead of in anger or sorrow.

Less of a ClaudiaTaker take and more of an 'Undertaker was low-key a deadbeat dad' take but there you go!

[allastoredeer]

Archangel anon again! Here for those extended Gabriel headcanons. Okay! Gabriel's the messenger of heaven, so i imagine that it's his's responsibility to convey messages between heaven and hell. That makes Gabe the only sibling Lucifer has been allowed to have simi-consistent contact with since his fall. They're not allowed to have long, deep conversations, but they do try to catch up a tiny bit. I see Gabe as a trickster with a heart of gold. Seemingly a charismatic goofball who takes very little seriously. A fast-talking, smooth-talking, ALWAYS talking jokester who can make you want to tear your hair out one second, then charm the pants off you the next. He's the best liar of the family, incredibly good at playing dumb despite actually being quite cunning, strategic, and above all else, PETTY. He is very protective of his siblings, especially Lucifer nowadays (side-effect of being the only sibling allowed to talk to him) and can hold a grudge like no ones business.

But, the main reason I wanted to give special attention to Gabe is because of his patronage. As I was doing research on Gabriel I made a delightful discovery ripe with potential. Remember how I said Gabriel is the patron of communication services? Well another way to phrase it would be he holds patronage over all forms of transmitting information from point A to point B. This includes telecommunications that transmit information through electrical means. Such as telegraph, telephone, internet, and broadcasting. ALL forms of broadcasting. Including both television AND RADIO.😃😃😃

Do you see? Do you see the abundance of potential that I see?? Gabriel is the Patron Archangel of both TV AND RADIO. He holds dominion over

TV AND RADIO

I cannot begin to describe the joy I felt when I made that discovery! Instantly got the brain buzzing.

Alastor and Gabriel have the capacity for either becoming instant best friends or instant enemies and I can't decide which one I like more... Oh who am I kidding, it's enemies. Imagine Gabriel is visiting Lucifer and Charlie and he inevitably buts heads with Alastor. Either Alastor says something snide about Gabe himself, or maybe Lucifer. Meanwhile, Gabe has gone uncharacteristically quiet and just stares at Al for a long moment. Then, an unreadable smile slowly forms on his face and he laughs good-naturedly, slapping Alastor on the back a BIT too hard but otherwise just says "You got me there, buddy" before sauntering away.

But the next morning, Alastor tries to enter his radio tower to do his morning show, only to find the door is locked tight and there's some kind of powerful ward keeping him from shadow-porting in. Then, every radio in hell suddenly comes alive as none other than Gabriel's loud, bombastic voice comes pouring enthusiastically from the speakers.

Gabriel has redefined the term "pirate radio" by not only hijacking Alastor's radio tower, but also literally every radio in hell. And worse, he's turned Al's show into one of those "zany" morning-zoo radio shows. The kind of shows thar are more annoying than funny that always play on the radio on your way to work or school? I imagine Alastor considers those shows a perversion of his medium. And as the cherry on top, Gabe refuses to relinquish control back to Alastor calls in (the number is 1 777 3625, that's 1 777 DMBK🤭) and apologizes ON AIR for all of hell to hear.🤣🤣🤣

You know what, I'm kind of with Alastor on this one.

If someone messed with my passion like that, I would never apologize. I would double down. I'd never stop pushing those buttons, consequences be damned. You want me to say sorry? Nah, bitch, how about you stop being a wuss?

LOL I think Alastor would take a megaphone, plop himself on a rooftop (or just roam the streets) and do his broadcast like that. He'd find himself a soapbox to stand on. You know, the old fashioned way. I mean, depending on if Alastor can control radiowaves, he might be able to hijack one of the speakers he set up all over Hell. He'd pick a new one every day, and diss on ol' Gabe. He'd go into how Heaven keeps repressing the sinners of Hell, first it was the Extermination, and now Heaven's silencing their voices. When will the tyranny end? How long will they put up with this??

LOL Idk now that I'm thinking about it, the idea of Alastor starting a revolution against Heaven purely out of spite is incredibly funny and I love it.

(Also that is really interesting about Gabriel patron of communication 👀 that has so much potential)

[cinamun]

Hello Cin. I was wondering how you find / make the time to post so often and consistently while working and managing real life. Do you have a schedule you stick to in real life that helps? I really am struggling to even keep up with my gameplay let alone a story! Thanks!

Hey friend!! You know I got an ask just like this about a year ago when I was posting everyday!! The biggest thing is, during that time, I had anywhere from 2 to 3 days of updates in my drafts! I'd love to get back there again! It was easier then because the focus of the story was Hope and Jayce and their love story so not a lot of switching households etc.

These days with more going on, and just being busier in general, I've been able to find a posting schedule that works for me. Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays (this week is an exception because it was Anniversary Week!). Having a schedule like this (it can be just twice a week sometimes) helps keep things manageable.

I play mostly at night and on the weekends and whenever I find time. I save editing for the morning before I post while I enjoy my morning coffee and sick ass playlists.

Writing is a hobby that is calming and that I find pleasure in, so I make time for it. Its very easy to get innundated with real life. It can be overwhelming for all of us. Demanding jobs, kids, spouses, pets, friends, other social media, being broke, paying bills, all of that can leave us with zero time to do anything that we love. If we don't make time for our hobbies, what even is life? Sorry for the soapbox but I can't stress enough the need to make time for things you love.

[animentality]

Did they get a postive response from adding those Gortash lines? I thought a bunch of people hateing on it instead? Also what if they removed the lines to change them a go a diffrent direction. I'm sorry. I have a lot of worry they wont do something I agee with.

The overwhelming reaction was positive. Durgetash artists went on Twitter to celebrate, and the small but passionate fans of the ship went nuclear here and on Twitter, and helped BG3 trend, yada yada, tale as old as time.

Most people don't care about Durgetash or Gortash. The majority of people you hear from would be the people who like both of those things. It's also a small ship.

The haters of that ship are even smaller in comparison, because the hand that reaches out will always touch more than the hand clenched into a fist.

And the only "legitimate" complainers, who don't just dislike the ship on principle, are the whiners who keep insisting their durges are lesbians, and how dare Larian "force" them into a relationship with a man - which is literally not what Larian did.

No one bitches about how Gale's ORIGIN completely precludes him from being gay.

I see no reason why you can't similarly have Durge's ORIGIN make them attracted to men. Or, you know. Enver is special.

Oh. And also. It's so fucking platonic, if you want it to be. Stop being stupid and just say you don't like Durgetash. It's as easy as that.

Stop using "lesbophobic" as a handy label for your self righteous soapbox. You just don't like the ship, and that's fine. It's FINE. But acting like Durgetash is lesbophobic - oh, go play a Tav.

And also, Astarion and Gale and Wyll better not flirt with you in game, even though you can tell them to fuck off, or else they're lesbophobic too.

That's the only discourse that gained traction on Twitter. As far as I know.

If Larian had made Gale wear blackface or something, and people got pissed, then yeah. They'd back up on that, and get rid of it pronto.

But Durgetash???

Aside from the general evil antics, they're not that fucking controversial of a ship.

Most people don't even PLAY the Dark Urge.

I don't know how to stress this any other way...

People act like Durgetashers are loud - we're honestly not that loud.

Astarion fans are far louder, and yet, the most romanced companion is SHADOWHEART and then Laezel and KARLACH.

He's not even in the top 3. And yet, he dominates the content on Twitter and Tumblr... he's definitely more popular than Gortash or the Dark Urge or Durgetash together...but his fans are still technically the damn minority.

So Durgetash in comparison to Starries???

Infinitesimal.

And Durgetash haters?

Would be even smaller.

So what I'm saying is...

I'm kind of tired of answering asks about this.

I don't KNOW for certain whether or not this is Larian backing up or walking forward, and while I don't believe they'd walk back on this, and especially not for a handful of people, it kind of annoys me to even think about things outside of my control.

now if Larian makes a big grand statement and says actually we totally rescind something WE WROTE AND ADDED TO THE GAME because some people got mad...then I'll call them cucks, and complain.

But as of right now?

As far as I know personally, and assume in my heart... it's neutral.

The lines are probably just bugged. Also, not ALL of them are bugged either, so.

Please stop freaking out, guys.

I am the world's biggest resident durgetash freak, and I'm shrugging at this, and just saying it's a bug.

Don't let it bother you. It's out of your control, regardless.

(And I stress again - if we find out they're legitimately backing away from something they did...they have the spine of a ham sandwich. But until we know that for sure, I won't condemn them for this, because as far as we know, it is legitimately an accident.)

[irritablepoe]

Idk what your original post was all about but once again reminding you this is your space and you aren't responsible for other ppl if you are complaining in your own space/to the air and everyone else can respectfully suck it 💜🙏

Also ppl take things too personally imo I think it is important for other ppl to remember if someone is complaining about something that upset them it isn't always about you in fact most of the time it isn't about you unless you literally did the exact thing the person is complaining about. And even then arguing against someone's feelings when they are actively upset doesn't yield any sort of positive results or undo the hurt, you are just throwing your own emotions unprompted at someone who is already down.

Anyways sry to get on a soapbox but yeah, ily I'm sorry you are dealing with bullshit and I hope you can be gentle with yourself today even if other ppl aren't. I won't join Meli in the killing since they def can handle that on their own but I do agree that you are absolutely allowed to be selfish and I have a shovel in my trunk for any occasion don't worry about it 💀🙏

(I know I went on a bit of rant but pls don't feel obligated to answer publicly btw if you don't want to have it on your blog or something literally does not bother me at all)

hi hello thank you so much for this ask lue, you're too sweet😭😭🙏🙏

it's literally so exhausting but also, i was mostly upset that they were directly projecting it onto other authors and that they felt discouraged leaving comments now bc of this. i never even said short comments are bad, just that this particular comment was a bit disappointing (i said in my og post that i was not being serious about this). but not commenting on authors works because of me saying that is just. what.

idk i'll try to sleep the day away maybe, i thought today would be better but well..

ILY TOO AND I APPRECIATE YOU SO MUCH!!!!! <33 and omg i got knives and shovels on my side lmao, no need for it though dw dw <3 i'm sure even though they hurt me they weren't ill-intentioned. "selfish" just triggers me a lot and it kinda set off my already aggressive mood. i'm sharing my writing for free, i don't know how any of this could be selfish, i don't. fucking. get it. i really don't. like if they'd been a small author like "at least you get comments" i would have been like "eh yeah true" but as a reader idk... to pout and say "well would NO comments be better then?". bruh. i just want a bit of appreciation for the efforts, what a sin apparently

anyways. i'm very overly dramatic about this and now i've lost a mutual i think. welp. ruining my reputation as a sweetie, wtv

thank you again for everything!💜 i hope you're having a good start into your free time :3

[jacki-daytona]

Thankyou to my friends, because yeah. You’re right! This isn’t the time for me to stand on my anti censorship soapbox. You are 100% correct @canichangemyblogname and thankyou for sharing, I’ll rb after I write this. To be completely frank, I didn’t read the anon fics posted over the last week, I just got offended by the abuse of ao3, which isn’t the right reaction. Sorry if you saw my reaction and got upset, you are completely allowed that upset and I hope you can forgive me.

AO3 isn’t perfect, of course. Just because I can write a love song to fandom and have a long history with it doesn’t mean it doesn’t have problems. Obviously.

So yeah, get rid of the anon author function. It isn’t hard to make an account with no personal info. We DO need a better reporting system there. AO3 protects us from copyright lawsuits, not from the production and distribution of illegal materials.

And thanks again to my friends - because I do see us as friends! - for sticking to their opinions and being brave. Xoxo

[hexlix]

fyi, w/r/t discord layout changes: they actually did do concurrent testing before rolling it out for everyone, they just ignored the complaining/quantity of people who turned the new layout off in the settings. for some unfathomable reason.

this gets worse the more details i hear about it im not gonna lie......

i know you didnt ask but you've got me heated over this again lol (not your fault btw!)

a vital part of ux is finding the intersection of where the business and users' needs are met & their goals are accomplished. if the users are crying out that their needs aren't being met it is actively detrimental to the business to ignore them. unfortunately, though, and this is... a pattern, unfortunately. the business does not even listen to the designers, or the user feedback, and will believe its own needs supersedes the end user. a designer's job is to find that balance.

i think there are some parts of the new layout that is nice. there are cute little elements of delight and microinteractions that add a bit more of a personal touch even to a non-nitro user of discord! heck, i even like the fact that theres a button at the top to invite someone to a server, and i like that the top of the direct messages shows me what my friends are up to, even.

the aesthetic they're switching to is more "trendy." i can see them justifying the change in architecture to align more with other apps like, to appeal to newer users as someone mentioned to me previously. but... the end result and execution is poor.

i could go on about this all day so sorry to ramble.

tldr: it is likely the needs of the business shifted (and it's becoming more abundantly clear in that because they keep pushing more ways to get capital from the userbase), and that prompted the redesign. execs are probably going over the designers' heads and thinking their needs > user needs, when in actuality its user needs = business needs for a stable environment.

ok thanks (jumps off the soapbox)

p.s i think it is important to listen to the people who actually do like the update too. i am not saying this is you, but im much more interested in a friendly discussion about the discord changes and what you like/don't like about it than to just hear an echochamber. again if you have any questions please feel free to ask!

[pippin-pippout]

With only friends I am getting annoyed with Cheum. I get where her anger is from but right now the show seems to make her out to be the non problematic one… Like Ray is at the worst point in his life so far, about to go to prison, and she’s like “what should I do right now? Oh yeah! I should once again tell him he’s a burden, that he doesn’t care about us (because god knows other than insulting him for his habits it’s not like she really cares about him), and on top of that, I’m going to be like the tenth person to throw in his face that he has an unrequited crush which was created because at the time Mew was the only friend he had that showed he cared about his life." And you’re complaining that you and BOSTON for gods sake are a third wheel???

Should Ray have been giving Mew drugs and enabling his bad habits? No. If Ray were not in the narrative or not an addict and Mew went through an otherwise exact same situation, would he react the same way and turn to self destructive behaviors in an effort to look “cool” because his self worth has just taken an insane hit? Yeah. Like there is nothing to suggest that Ray pushed Mew to try anything, Mew asked because he wanted that and if Ray wasn’t in the story, he would still find something.

I’m sorry but that scene - maybe it’s because I hate second hand embarrassment or because Ray is my favorite character. But you’ve got Top who at least is going to help for Mew’s sake, but still is definitely Ray’s number 1 hated guy; Boston, who is just watching with a smirk? Maybe? Who has done nothing but belittle Ray, manipulate him, and make him feel bad about any choice he could possibly make' and then Nick and April are there for an audience; and Cheum’s like “I’m gonna get on my soapbox now and not self reflect on any of the constantly shitty things I say to this person as perhaps maybe a reason that he does not seem to “care” about me.

It’s terrible because I understand her more from the school project angle. Like yeah I'd be pissed if someone ruined my school project because of love drama or drugs. But anytime she starts talking about friendship and love it rings false. Is the narrative going to address that? Or is she meant to play the role of person who “talks sense into people” and laments the group is falling apart and is told “you were the best friend you could be” while the audience is supposed to take that at face value. Because if it’s the latter I really don’t like that. You don’t help someone who hates themselves by constantly calling them a burden or pointing out that they are single and just how problematic they are and just how much they don't deserve to be your friend 🙄 hopefully P’Jojo treats her with the same nuance as the others.

Wow I’m spicy about this. Sorry I don’t like soapbox characters especially ones that are kind of assholes themselves in their own way (as most people are)

[christian-heresies-tournament]

donatism guy back again, the other one was novatianism my BELOATHED. donatism i hate slightly less only because it limited its scope to the clergy and the sacraments but novatian refused to readmit anyone to communion if they had recanted under persecution and i'll kick his ass for it. grace is INFINITE forgiveness is HOLY and the church is DEFINITIONALLY COMPOSED OF SINNERS NOT SAINTS. k that's all i'll get off my soapbox now sorry. can't wait to see these assholes get swept by something cool like montanism 👍

THANKS DONATISM GUY saving my tumblr-incompetent ass

yeah so if you leave the church? according to my guy novatian (who tried to take position as antipope and ultimately got excommunicated) you can't come back. no way to be forgiven on earth for recanting.

[eurydicees]

what are your ideas so far? :0 like fandom, ships, type of soulmate au, etc. im so curious!!

soulmate aus can be fun to play around with if you're doing interesting things with it <- the only way i like them fjdns. make it a little messy! complicated! i don't want it to be easy (this is me on my soapbox, not like @ you fjdjsjs)

ok HERE WE GO. thank you for the ask i am now going to proceed to Go.

so the easy bit: its gonna be haikyuu because the brainrot i have is literally incurable. now for everything after that. it gets a little more complicated. bc you are so right. if the soulmatism is easy then it's no fun! it's gotta be painful and messy for it to be interesting! what's the point of a world that's easy? (<- said by someone who keeps writing a concerning number of unrequited soulmate aus)

im gonna be honest, this is a little (a lot) inspired by a prompt i got in january 2022 (yikes sorry some of y'all are still waiting on a bunch of those) from @/what-the-flowers (once again im so sorry).

the parts of the prompt that i'm working with are (a) dreamsharing soulmates, (b) platonic soulmates, and (c) rare enough that 1/2 of the pair doesn't believe in them!! all of those ideas are SUPER exciting to me individually, but put them together......hehehhehehe

so the pairings im thinkin bout. i think it's gonna be hinata-centric because i've never really gone that route with a fic before and that feels unfair for a show literally about him. i think he starts sharing dreams with kageyama after he moves to brazil and then they have to navigate that change in their relationship when they're suddenly so far apart.

but the thing is that, like. they aren't in love with each other. they're besties, each other's greatest supporter and greatest rival, but they're not in love. i am forever a platonic kagehina truther. im not sorry for who i am. but anyways they've only ever heard stories about soulmates, and only ever been told that they're romantic.

and they don't really know how to navigate all of that, especially when neither of them are, like, the greatest at interpersonal emotional communication.

anyways! while this is happening i am shoving kenhina in there because i am currently shaking them around in my mind. it's kenma and hinata falling for each other but this whole soulmate thing is making things stupid complicated, and it doesn't need to, but it is, and it sucks.

oh and also kenma's bestie and no. 1 support system is obviously kuroo and as a side note, kuroo just straight up. does not believe in soulmates. i think i'm gonna force in a backstory about his parents there but it's probably gonna be not at all relevant, i just have a lot of thoughts about the kuroo family. anyways. this is ALSO making things complicated in some way that i haven't figured out yet.

but kenma doesn't have a soulmate, and he's falling in love with hinata, who suddenly has been given a soulmate years after kenma started being interested in him (maybe they were already established for a bit? not sure yet), and what does that mean for any of them?

i also have a side plot about oikawa and iwaoi and california and brazil. this is probably going to be a minor subplot used to push hinata towards being brave enough for an unconventional soulmate relationship and it may not really be necessary but i need 30,000 words out of this so it's going in there.

things i am most excited about:

kenhina !!! i've never written them but something about them is itching my brain rn and i want to try it !!!

hinata pov !!!! its so silly i've never done it and i want to give it a shot

dreamsharing!!!! i think i'm gonna play with , like, dreamscapes and the way dreams feel so liminal and unreal in addition to the way you can communicate with someone within dreams for realsies

world building !!! universes in which soulmates exist can be so crazy and i am going to make this one MESSY

subpoint to that: what are the implications of soulmates in the first place? what does it mean that they're so rare? and what does it mean to reject ur soulmate? what does it mean to have a platonic soulmate and someone else ur in love with? and what does it mean to be in love with someone who has a soulmate who isn't you?

things i am going to switch around/ideas i want to play with a little before i start writing in july:

hinata pov is very daunting. ngl. it is very daunting. and i may switch to a kenma pov bc that could also be super interesting (see: the last subpoint before this).

i want SO badly to write a kenma character study and i think this probably isn't the fic plot for that but WHAT IF IT WAS.

kageyama's role--i don't want him to just be there in dreams, so i want to figure out ways to work him into the physical world

how long does this last? -> i feel good abt starting at the beginning of hinata's brazil time, but i'm not sure how much time this needs to cover for it to make sense

there is so much to consider and i was on the fence abt this fic but now that i've written this all out i am getting EXCITED