#i remembered how to tag today <3< /div>
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(princess bubblegum voice) timmyyyyy
some loose redraws of tim panels i enjoy to cope with… whatever the hell is going on in batman rn
+ closeups :^)



#tim drake#bart (as in bug art)#see i lied i drew him again#red robin#robin#he’s fun to draw!!!! especially bc i know what im doing now#my silliest. i can’t draw him again for 10000 years#i will draw kon next >:) i missed the superboy#& also cissie and cassie bc i’ve been deprived of them#soon!!! soon!!!!!#dc#dc comics#batman#young justice#teen titans#i remembered how to tag today <3
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Older Tuvoks
#the star trek online version of Tuvok looks NOTHING like him to me so I basically just took the uniform#combination of computer graphics + very much underestimating how well Tim Russ would age HEHEHE#I gave Chakotay & Janeway more gray hairs & wrinkles bc it suited them <3#Tuvok doesn't have many wrinkles or any gray hairs yet but he DOES have bags under his eyes post-voy in my mind#<- stress + isn't sleeping well - both due to being too on edge#bea art tag#I think Chakotay gets gray hairs first (while on Voyager but dyes his hair) then when Janeway gets gray hairs post VOY he stops dying his#when Tuvok starts graying they both tease him a little like 'welcome to the club old friend!'#<- Chakotay also starts calling him 'old friend' at one point post voyager...can't remember when#st voyager#st prodigy#10 am and the Tuvok tag 'today' is empty: I must post
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brother
#thsc#cant really tag as scriboozles since i just drew the hats n necklace u know the meme right#the henry stickmin collection#reginald copperbottom#top 5 reginalds how you feeling today#all 5 bro i am a slug with insane amount of conscious yet no will power today#Holy fuck just remembered theres 3 events by the end of this month i NEED to draw for oh my god.#maybe i should drink more of that lemon mint water
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Day 11, a delightfully evil day for the good doctor to show up!
#art art#almost forgot to post today whoops lmao#also i just COULD NOT draw this guy for like 2 hours#so i gave up and traced an image haha#but that gave me a good idea of how hes built and i got the hang of it pretty quick :)))#also remember in the 90's when like 3 different games called him Robotonic??? i think we should bring that back#sonic#sonic fanart#sth#eggman#dr eggman#doctor eggman#ivo robotnik#dr robotnik#doctor robotnik#this guy has like TEN TAGS
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Guys I missed the countdown by 7 minutes can we redo it?
#would anyone believe me if i said i was distracted by wrestling cable around a piece of wood#i got the best shower thought to pull my amp so it faces into my room instead of into the corner#just rotating it#and the fuckening cable was stuck under a wooden art project (like a canvas) and i had a sbahj moment trying to figure out...#...which side of the canvas the majority of the cable was on#i know where the cable is connected to the wall but i didnt know how far along i pushed it along the wall#ughhhhshdjdossb#rip my back but im determined to go into the new year playing guitar#so can we redo it now 14 minutes later? bc i cant explain the configuration of my room#ShitPost.exe#OBLIGATORY: 'DISCLAIMER: i'M HI (HIGH)' TAG#wait i need more minutes i think i gotta tune to C please hold idk what tune this band does#firmly grasp the moment. go back to 2359 and hold the moment for me ill hit unpuase when im good and ready#edit: unpause i was being dramatic its only drop D but i found the keyboard riff so ill learn that on guitar instead#WE'LL START FROM FIVE... 4... 3.. 2.. fuckyou#dundundununundundjndunnizndnndndjsn#listen up yall#edit 2: i wasn't being dramatic lmao the song i was planning on in the shower was actually C#but i changed my mind when i sat down bc i couldnt remember which song (ive had the playlist on repeat most of today#so fuck my life back to tuning ig#its okay tho i fiddled around on the midnight in my heart#wow can i say anything without innuendo#edit 3: oh thank god its drop c not c lmao still maybe i should prank future cori by leaving my guitar in drop c for the next time i play#gonna pull it out like 'holy shit whats wrong with this thang' (i would not lol i tune it every time)#but ill remember this moment and shake my fist at past cori bc theres nothing future cori can do to stop present cori#can u tell im procrastinating lol. my amp made a funny sound when i turned it on and its not nearly old enough to need warming up yet#fuck i mean i need time to warm up too but like . fuck lol.
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me when im obsessed with dead singers from 50 (well... mostly 70-120) years ago and im heartbroken to know i'll never see them on stage... never hear them breathe, never see them sweat, never even touch the hem of their garment...





it really is enough to drive a person mad...
#this is so funny because this is the one vaguepost that i wholeheartedly 100% agree with skdhsjshsjdhsn#like yeah!! it does indeed pain me that the level of operatic singing has so drastically decreased over the last 50 years!#that top operatic stars of today are all either nasal or wobbly or knödely or completely inaudible without microphones#but some of yall are just not ready for this conversation. example a#anyway. as many have said before. its kinda easier to understand how some people cant appreciate certain operas#if they never heard them sung well lol#sorry im out of blood today. i know this is a very uncomfortable subject for many but.#you can actually judge someone's singing in a pretty objective way. there are nuances of course. but from a technical point of view#it really is pretty simple#(also its not like i dont enjoy *some* modern singers lol have you SEEN my kwiecień posting???? lmao#hell. there are even some modern singers i have a soft spot who i KNOW sing... Not Very Well. but i enjoy them lol#not many ofc but. yknow)#also 50 years ago would be the 1970s if im doing my maths correctly and. that is really the point in opera history#when it all started going downhill (sadly partly because of one of my all time favourite singers' influence... but thats a different story)#anyway. remember when luis tetrazzini said that the future generations of singers will be The Best singers in history#because they'll have access to all those recordings of The Greats Of The Past that they'll be able to listen to and learn from?#lmao queen you were right about so many things but that was tragically not one of them </3#opera tag#yes im stirring the pot of boiling liquid shit and putting this post gently into the main tag#*luisA tetrazzini ofc#lol and lmao im out FOR blood* shdgsjsghs
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soooo. that new big time rush album huh
#how we feeling today rushers (。•̀ᴗ-)✧#also yes i've come back from the dead just to post abt this like. i owe this blog *this much* at least ykyk#anyway its like 3 in the morning here and ive just woken up after a vv long and exhausting day yesterday so this was a pleasant surprise :>#i haven't really listened to it in full yet bc idk adhd things but when the mood hits right y'all know i'll be VIBING#i never talked abt it but waves and can't get enough were great earworms so i'm excited to see how the rest of the songs will turn out#also hope everyone's doing well here on the btr side of tumblr hehe y'all been absolutely fed this year <3#is this gonna be allen's 2k23 tumblr comeback??? nah prob not i'm too in love with the fooo conspiracy atm but hey maybe also who knows 👀#(*heckler from the back of the audience* NO ONE CARES ABOUT U AND UR TRASH CONTENT IDIOT STFU FOREVER ACTUALLY!!!!!)#but yep. life has been fuck work has been a headache and so many unwanted tragic plot twists this year. but at least we got new btr lezzgo!#also happy pride month y'all!!! just saying this for absolutely no rhyme or reason related to this post at all wdym lmao ¯\_( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)_/¯#okay thats all promise i'll shush now and it's time for old grampa to disappear into the darkest recesses of the internet yet again hejdååå#btr#big time rush#another life#album#stop it forever#lmao i hardly remember my dumbass blog tags;;; it's for the best hdbfkgk
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guess which part was my favorite to render challenge (impossible)
#art#artfight#this is clementine by qatoqat#gritting my teeth gnawing on the bars of my cage its fine that it looks awkward i was experimenting... its fine im normal...#i wouldve just shaded it like i normally do but i really wanted to do the eyes that way#and you cant JUST do the eyes like that. on account of the devils#i also got to contend with the new thumbnail thing today... tell me WHAT is the point of requiring a 200x200 square in the first place#if youre just gonna make me crop it again. be so for real with me#i wouldnt be that ticked about it except it started skewed off to the side when i put the thumbnail in???#so i had to. get it as close to normal as possible#instead of just importing it and being done.#glad to see that 100k being put to good use to better the site#complaining aside this is my third attack this year meaning i have reached my minigoal :3#getting to eight should be a breeze if i can keep pace. huzzah !#aaand this piece is a spiritual revenge thingy#the user had drawn my (now deleted) wc oc pretty late in the season. and at that point i had already mentally checked out from it#i cant remember whether it was i forgot to draw anything in return or that i only saw it after the event ended#but they then didnt end up participating the following year#you have no idea how many times i checked that profile.#obviously they are participating again this year so i can finally put it to rest#sidenote they almost exclusively draw cats. like 3k attacks they have probably 90% are cats. and all of their characters are cats. exquisit#after this i have one more revenge i wanna get to and then i will finish up my bookmarks#i <3 putting essays in the tags
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it’s obvious i haven’t taken my adhd meds in a few days because my brain is screaming every interest i have ever had and telling me to look for a tag for it to follow and then that leads me down a rabbit hole of other tags then i’m reminded of other interests and i’m having to keep up with all these things being said at me to follow. then there’s the adult voice telling me i need to stop worrying about tumblr tags and look for a job and how maybe my father was right that i am a disappointment and i’ve ruined my life. and i’m also listening to taylor swift’s new playlists so i’m thinking about grief and relationships and how maybe i’m not lovable and the idea that anyone could ever fall in love with me seems impossible. also i want to do my affirmations and meditations and visualizations but my brain has too many thoughts and i want to learn witchcraft and i want to go to this witchcraft store i found and the solar eclipse is happening on monday and do i need to do something special for that to get my desires??? also what am i going to eat for dinner? i don’t feel like cooking but ordering out is expensive but ordering out is easy and i just need to eat. and i’m spending money but not doing anything to earn money and i had a therapy session today where i realized that yes i do feel younger but also i feel small/inferior because the world feels too intimidating and judge mental so maybe i’ve been conflating “inferiority” with “immaturity”. and i also have part 2 to my autism testing tomorrow and it’s like if i am diagnosed with autism, then that gives me answers but i’m also still dealing with the disappointment, grief, sadness, anger, frustration, stagnation, trauma and anxiety regardless of my diagnosis. and how will i ever live a life that can support me and my needs and wants when capitalism and politics and mental illness is such a blockade to living a peaceful life and everything is scary and i wish i was a fairy living in a little mushroom house and i have over 500 books on my want to read list on goodreads, i have over 2000 movies in my watchlist on latterboxd, over 1700 videos on my youtube watchlist, over 1000 videos in my subscription youtube video playlist i want to watch, i have easily over 100 tv shows i want to watch written down, and i have no idea why i exist but there’s so much i want to do and it feels overwhelming and now it’s past 6pm and the whole day is gone but what did i accomplish today except another day of yearning for relief?? i guess i’ll just go through the rory culkin tag and listen to taylor swift and hope for a tomorrow that feels more organized even though my brain only knows how to be on a loop of dread and exhaustion
#and that’s on adhd#i have all of these thoughts going on at ONCE#I WANT MY BRAIN TO SHUT UP#i’m sick of mental illness#being mentally ill is not fun#i am suffering f#adhd#strawberrybyers text post#just realized i wanted to check out the wednesday tag#i know i already follow it but i’m like having to reassure#myself i do in fact follow it#also glimpses of my childhood are popping in my brain like jump scares i can’t deal#i do not know how to have priorities bc i have things way more pressing than following tumblr tags 😭😭#maybe i need to watch a movie and order something to eat then go to bed 😩#also just remembered at one point today i was watching a youtube video and i only had 3 min left i need to go finish it#and i need to post pics of my cats on their instagram#i’m going to go insane
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Sometimes, I will come across your blog and read certain tags on certain pairs because, What? What? How are your thoughts my thoughts? How is someone else expressing (so perfectly) what I thought existed only in my head? The references (warm leftovers, please. Feel horribly proprietary over that poem.), the memes, the word choices. I know we all grew up on the same internet, but it's like we grew up in the same corner.
It rattles me each time it happens and yet, the next time I return, and wander through, reading along as if we were walking through my local arboretum and you were rambling and I was nodding along. Consider this ask my version of a reply in the arboretum world.
i-
when i got this i just had to sit there and read your message a few times because that is one of the loveliest compliments i’ve ever gotten and i hope you know i am overjoyed to be here rambling to you 💕 to have touched you in some way!! to form a connection!!! and all i can say is thank you and i love you and i would love to go for a walk in the arboretum with you any time
#no because WARM LEFTOVERS???? i think there’s a little bit of all of us who feels so proprietary over that poem#because it’s asking for a sense of ownership for a belonging and ohhhh it fucks me up every time. every time i cry and in particular#that you love that tangled-up half idea is just. so dear to me like please!! come share the brain!!! i want to listen to you!!! i fully#i don’t even. hearts for thumbs i am actually having the reaction right now of yeah sorry the idea of genuine human connection got to me.#you know how they opened up the mailboxes to trees? and people sent in poetry to them? this to me. weeping ok#liv in the replies#one of my favorite tags to yell is SAME BRAIN!!! 🧠 🧠🧠 and i get to do that with you today <3#anyway. thank you for making my day also i PROMISE i am not scary i would love to be your friend#also the fact that i have been searching for where i pulled ‘quilted together’ from because i could not remember why for the longest time &#i think in looking yesterday i found that it was from black girls rising i-
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good morning gay people in my phone
#last night was. well it was a night!#drove home to pick up my bf and on the way back we get a call from his friend and he was Not Doing Well#so we ended up picking him up and taking him to the hospital. which im scared for him for bc if hes admitted idk how hes gonna#react + the bills... i dont even wanna think about it#anyway we heard from him this morning and we can still visit today/however long hes there so thats good. can u bring stuff into hospitals?#i havent been in a minute and they ignite my fight or flight tbh. not the best in hospitals but fuck it we ball especially for friends#anyway good morning! love you and please Please remember somebody loves you and cares about you so if ur Going Thru It#thiknk of them think of me think of the future and how it can and will get better. i promise <3#talk tag
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GORGEOUS case bro I've never seen one with a continuous design like that and the embossment itself is so tasteful... always happy to see Mr. Dunkulous too <3
ALSO AYO YOU WATCHED MONDAY? How was it? Either way you're almost done with the Sabu Tsutsumi catalogue then... that's epic... I'm glad you liked Destiny too, it really is such a cute movie
Also I'm pretty sure PS4 preloads are open too BUT I'm still salty Xbox gets it a day early </3
Its one of the first designs i ran into while looking up wallet cases LMAO lucky me me thinks…. Its very pretty <3 mr dunkulous here to stay and keep me company lest i totally lose my mind <3<3
AND I DID i mentioned so durin stream yesterday ! i REALLY loved it, sabu keeps putting ttm in terrible situations and it makes me giddy seeing him panic 🥰 AND DESTINY WAS ADORABLE it was so cute….. really wholesome and what my soul needed….
OH PS4 PRELOADS OPEN ? Ill check it out when i get home later……. Why does xbox get it a day early thats rude me thinks…..
#snap chats#cancelling a post i was gonna make to bitch in the tags of this one <3#anyway on this day this monday we remember the words of our king ryuji goda#A Real Man Oughta Be A Little Stupid DO YALL WANNA KNOW HOW MAD I AM.#HOW I JUST SPENT A FRACTION OF MY FOOD MONEY ON A STUPID CARD#WHEN MY FUCKING ID WAS UNDEE MY TABLET. CAN YOU IMAGINE MY RAGE. MY ANGER.#I TORE UP MY ROOM ALL WEEKEND BUT NEVER THOUGHT TO CHECK UNDER MY FUCKIN TABLET#its a lilfunny….. im tryna make the most of it ok GODAMMIT IM SO MAD THO I CANT#$20 is like $5 in todays society everything is twenty fuckin dollars i cant live like this#at least my deadnames not on my id anymore… and it doesnt look like its falling apart ig…#STILL HAVE THIS TERRIBLE PHOTO AND ID RATHER BE DEADNAMES AND HAVE $20 THAN NOT HAVE $20#NO ONE TALK TO ME ANYWAY kinda funny. hang on.#at least i dont have to get a new sticker… i just scalpe the old one from my oher card.. lol… knife came in handy…#was leaving to Waste Twenty Dollars when i ran into one of my roommate’s boyfriend for the ninth time this semester#and we both clamber into the elevator and he like ‘ive seen you a lot lol so uhh whats your name :)’#and the struggle i had… do i say Aforementioned Dead Name do i say my Thinking Of Changing First Name do i say Last Name….#the safe answer is always last name so thats what i did but god i floundered..i stared at him for a second longer than i shouldve#today sucks. at least i dont have a night class today…#i’d stream y0 but streams dont go well when i stream them at 5#plus i have to work on a comm… ouugg lemme cap it here before i rant for thirty tags straight LMAO#anyway. love my new case. destiny was cute. angry jealous frog ttms funny and sad at the same time. monday made me giggle 🥴#this was a good post to make while making sure my cars battery didnt die LMAO ok bye <3
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I've finally been infected with the new dash layout, this fucking sucks
#Whys the content off centre!!! put it in the middle!!! disgusting#also. dunno if this is a layout problem or what but nobodies icon is loading for me. so thats not great#i don't read urls the icons are how i tell whos posting what this is just wildly inconvenient#also why do I have to hit like 3 buttons and a sub menu to get to my drafts fuck off#hopefully someone will make an extension or update xkit to bring back the old layout cause this is uninhabitable to human life#anyway. Genshin got a huge update today so if you don't hear much from me these next couple day it's cause i'm gaming#and also because I hate the new layout. duo purpose tumblr break#ALSO!!! the tag system isn't bring up my frequently used tags. it's very inconvenient#i don't remember how to spell every characters name. normally i just have to remember the first few letters and it'll come up#i don't want to have to go check the wiki every time i want to reblog a post about... Wroistjley. Worthsley. whatever his name is#snow blogging
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putting this on the blog so i remember it later. someday i may write an AU-of-the-AU, like maybe FLFverse but bakugou is a sub, or A/B get together instead, or X happens instead of Y, or even just writing in that universe for a different fandom.
and if, IF i do, for organizational purposes i would want to make a new series, but i’d want it to have a similar title to Feels Like Flying, so they’re linked. maybe Seems Like Soaring/Sinking? soaring is the same as flying but sinking is kinda the opposite, so i guess it depends which way i want to go. or i could go with something else entirely!
at any rate it’s probably a long way off. i have enough going on at the moment AND writer’s block so i defo shouldn’t be planning anything new. just here for my notes
#wren.txt#possible ideas#title things#is that my tag for this stuff#i don’t remember#i DO have some vague ideas for sub!bakugou#and one (1) idea for a not-canon dabihawks scene that would take place in Free Falling pt 3#it would be DEVASTATING and i was so hyped for all of five seconds before i realized theres no way it can work#like logistically. and plot wise#but i still like the idea. and the angst#AND i realized today while making the reclist how little content there is#especially for some of my other smaller fandoms#so maybe i should help with that
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started The Death I Gave Him and idk how I missed the fact that this is a retelling of Hamlet.
#reading tag#tbf i don't remember how this got in my holds? but it came in today so here i am.#3 books came in but the other two are BEEFY so i decided to start with the shortest one.
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matters of the heart — Nanami K.
summary: finding out your ex-boyfriend wrote a novel detailing your relationship isn’t how you expected this week to go and to make matters worse everyone on the internet now thinks your “character” is a total bitch. you decide to pay your ex a visit, but can you do that without succumbing to your natural urges? well, no!
tags: 18+(MDNI/blank blogs) slight porn with plot, oral (f! receiving), brief nipple sucking, daddy kink, creampie, i guess nanami is a bit toxic in this lol, nanami might also be a bit ooc in here
to the moaners: has this been sitting in the draft for about 3-4 months? yes! but happy birthday month, kento 😚. artwork by @/_3aem (twt); @ryomens-vixen (this was the fic I mentioned a while back) word count: 5.6k (yuck), I don't really like this
I’m going to kill him, that was the only thing on your mind once you closed out of the novel. Normally, your weekends were spent relaxing with a fruity bubble-gum colored cocktail but today was different. Shoko called your phone at exactly 9:26 am claiming it was time she divulged some news to you. At exactly 9: 28am, she sent you an online copy of a book titled, “Matters of the Heart” and told you it was nothing but a two or three hour read and then to call once you finished.
The book had a slow start and it seemed pretty average, just any old love story. Lately, anything was getting published and it seemed that was the case here — wait, you paused your reading and sat up straight. No. Just no. Something just clicked for you which led you to completely start over from page one.
The moment you finished, at exactly 1:01 pm, you grabbed a salmon colored low cut shirt and light washed jeans, slipped on your white shoes and hurried to get into your car. You didn’t need to call her phone because you were going to talk to her face to face; this situation warranted a real conversation. It was nothing but a 17 minute drive to Shoko’s house, so when you arrived at exactly 1:18 pm, her door was already open. “They’re bashing me, Shoko. Fucking bashing! How could he do this to me?” Were the first words that flew out of your mouth, holding your phone close to her face so that she could see the reviews.
“Well, it’s not like anyone would know it’s you.” She yawned, handing you a cup of water – probably because of how crazy you looked – before she ushered you to a seat on the couch. A golden brown blanket was lazily thrown on the seat, which she hurried to move. You sat down and faced her with a look of what Shoko could only describe as pure sadness. She had seen you like this many times before, all because of one person.
“You did.” You sniffled with an eye roll, you couldn’t help but feel uncertain. Reading this book only brought back more uncomfortable feelings towards the breakup and him. You thought that you were over him and the memories that the book produced made you question everything. One question remained which is: Why?
She giggled drily. “Hey, I read all his works. Pseudonym or not. He can’t hide from me. Plus, I know you both and everything that went on. I was there too, remember?” She mumbled the last part. “Maybe this was his way of coping?”
“It’s been years… and I heard he’s announced a sequel. Shoko, a SEQUEL! It’ll be released later this year.” You spoke in a shaking watery voice while she rubbed your back in an attempt of comfort. Your mind could only think of what the reactions would be to your character in the sequel… insecurities that you never knew were there flooded your mind.
“There was enough material for a sequel? I thought he covered everything…” Shoko rubbed her chin and looked deep in thought. You just stared at her, she couldn’t be serious. “Sorry, ignore me.” She shook her head ignoring your stare.
“Do I even confront him over this? A-and how would that make me look, like I still check on him right? I’ll look crazy and bitter… which apparently I am. Oh and I’m bitchy and a ‘total cunt’ as they’re putting online.” He didn’t know just how much you changed, he missed your growth. Rubbing your eyes, you ask:“Why did you tell me about this? What made you take so long… I just don’t understand.”
“Well, at first… I didn’t think you’d care.” Moving a strand of her nut-brown hair out of her face, she continued. “Then about a month ago, I decided it was right to tell you, just in case someone else pieced it together.”
“Gojo read it then, huh?” You mentally cringed at the thought. It was the only person you could think of who’d be so crude about it. He knew how damaging the breakup was for you but not as bad as Shoko knows. Now, you’re just grateful that she told you before he did.
“Yep, so I figured that I had to tell you before he did.” She clicked her tongue. “But let’s just calm down before you make any rash decisions on how to handle this.”
“He wrote a fucking duality series about me, our relationship, our sex life and you want me to calm down? Are you listening to yourself? This is a serious matter. I am being called a bitch, a slut and more on Goodreads and multiple websites, reviews, etc. and he didn’t even have the audacity to give me a heads up. You had to call me.” You let out an unladylike snort.“Why couldn’t he stick to his mystery novels? Wasn’t he doing good at those?”
“Writer's block.” Shoko said in a singsong-like voice. “He hadn’t written a mystery book since you two broke up and then… he alerted his supporters he wanted to switch things up and then… that was that. Ladies loved it, a big hit. By the way, if you two were really fucking like that I need to se—”
“Shoko, now is not the time!” Your face felt hot all over, your mind racing. “I just can’t believe this.” You wrapped your arms around your body and squeezed, giving yourself one big squeeze. It was hard not to cry but you could feel it all in your throat.
“I’m sorry. If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think his intentions were to make you feel bad.” She hugged you to her chest, pressing a small kiss to the crown of your head. “I think he still loves you. I mean, isn’t this book proof? After all these years, he wrote about you.”
“I’m sure he moved on by now.” You whispered, your eyes growing tired already and the day had barely started. “I just need to lay down. I need to rest.” Your mind seemed to finally grow calm and your breathing steady, a small hiccup now in your throat but with a gulp of water, you were better.
“Just stay here. I don’t trust you to be alone right now.” Shoko’s voice drowned out as sleep overtook you, you could only feel her warmth as she held you and honestly it was all you needed at this moment, Shoko always made you feel safe and you couldn’t thank her more than enough for that right now as you slept.
You were a light sleeper, it was always something that Nanami pointed out about you. He always said how he felt like he couldn’t leave the room while you slept even if it was to use the bathroom afraid to wake you. He knew how important sleep was to you and he’d risk having a bladder infection if you got all 8 hours that you required. Nanami was sweet and caring like that.
You didn’t think you’d break up with him ever. He was the one for you and he always made that clear. He pampered you and even after the breakup – though you didn’t need it – he left you with a check for five thousand dollars, saying it was for his half of the lease for the next few months.
The breakup was brutal for you. You almost quit working entirely. Shoko was the only person you’d confined into and the only friend you left to check in on you especially when you didn’t want to leave the house. She brought you groceries and helped you shower until you finally were able to get up again.
Though it was hard to believe, it was Nanami who broke up with you. You thought it was a joke, a cliche little joke.
“Baby, I’m not joking.” His voice was quiet and husky, he spoke as if he was going to cry. “I just need some time to myself. I need to figure out if this is what I want. You don’t have to wait for me, you just keep on living your life and being happy. But… I think it’s time we let this go.”
You didn’t cry in front of him. You didn’t cry when he packed his things up. You certainly didn’t cry when he shut the door, leaving his key on the table because you knew he was joking. He had to be. But when you called him and his number was disconnected and you were blocked on any form of social media… that was when you broke down and cried.
It happened out of nowhere. You overanalyzed every aspect of your relationship for where you went wrong. You wrote down every conversation you could remember and dissected it word by word. You watched every video and picture you had of the two of you looking for a bit of regret or anything on his face. You read every text message, looking for malice. He said he needed time to figure out if he wanted this but he always made it clear that he did and even that he was looking forward to having kids together, you two had even gone ring shopping months ago.
You didn’t sleep and when you did, it was only for 4 hours and sometimes barely that. Your heart had an ache in it and the tears wouldn’t stop. You could only think why wasn’t I enough?
When you opened your eyes Shoko was still holding you and a small smile grew on your lips. “Thank you Shoko.” You knew if you could count on anyone, it was always going to be her. She was the one who pieced you back together and made sure that life didn’t destroy you and you couldn’t help but to be grateful.
“Of course. ‘M going to let you spend the night here, okay? Let’s get some takeout and watch your favorite movies, how’s that sound?” She knew the way to your aching heart like the back of her hand.
“It sounds amazing!” You stretched your arms out wide, leaning off of her and sitting up. “Should we start with Uptown Girls or Legally Blonde?”
It took two days before you confronted him. Shoko was adamant about not giving you his address and you were tempted to get it from her phone. But luckily, you wore her down, she was probably tired of you bringing him or his book in every conversation. So now you stood there, nerves washing over you in waves.
The mahogany colored door stared at you – mocked you – and you returned the glare before you knocked on it, hard. This was just a door and you were angry at the person behind said door, not the door itself.
It was almost like he was waiting on you because the door unlocked and opened. He even stepped aside to let you in, quiet. His straw-colored hair was parted differently and he even looked taller or broader – you couldn’t completely tell – but he looked different… seemed different. The atmosphere around him made your stomach clench and it made you mad; why did it feel like only you suffered from the breakup? Here he was – strong and tall – and you were nothing or rather the same.
“You wrote a romance erotica novel about our relationship?” It was what you practiced saying before you got out of your car – making sure your voice didn’t tremble – this time, it didn’t.
“Well, hello to you too. Even after three and a half years, you still like to get straight to the point.” He grinned, putting a hand on your back to guide you to a seat on his couch. “I must ask, what makes you think it’s about you?” He does a slight laugh and raises his brow.
“We have the same initials, almost the same name. Are you kidding me?” You retort, folding your arms across your chest. You tried to ignore the fuzzy feeling in your chest that occurred when you heard his voice after so long, hearing him and seeing that damned smile… your nose scrunched up.
“Sorry, I just didn’t know you kept up with me… with my books…” He muttered, glancing your way, a demure look in his amber eyes. “Should I be flattered?” Almost in an instant, he turned on a slight cockiness to himself, though his body language showed his nervousness – his thigh bouncing a bit and his fingers tapping on the couch handle. A light sense of relief filled your system knowing that you weren’t the only one being affected by this.
“I don’t.” You inhaled deeply. “Shoko told me about it and then, I checked it out.” Fiddling with your fingers and even picking at your nails, that was your tell all sign of nervousness and right now you were engaging in it more than ever before.
“I wanted to tell you or rather, to ask you. I know you got the voicemails I sent last year…and then you kept dodging my calls.” He tells you, you could feel his eyes on you – or more so your fingers… the nasty habit that he had finally got you to stop all those years ago rushing right back in an instant.
“Writing a book to trash me and our relationship… to make you look like some sort of… ugh, like you’re so amazing and I’m just shit. Yeah, that certainly got my attention.” If you were coming off bitchy or rude right there, you couldn’t care less especially when there were worse things that you could’ve said or even could’ve done at this moment. You really wanted to slap him.
“Is that all you got out of it?” He asks with his head low, almost as if he was admitting defeat or as if he couldn’t believe you came up with something so trivial.
“Was there anything else to get?” You counter, shifting your body towards him. Maybe it was best that you sat down and actually listened to the author and his interpretations of his work.
“How about that I love you regardless of any flaws… how about I find your stubbornness and attitude sexy and how I knew this breakup would be good for you. I was holding you back. I mean, I heard you got promoted 3 times since we broke up… I just felt like I was changing you, hindering your growth. I needed to reflect on myself and this book helped that.” He tapped his fingers against his thigh, yet another sign of his anxiousness. “Believe it or not, I still care about you. No matter what happened between us.”
“What happened? You mean when you decided to just leave? You could've told me everything you just told me and I would’ve understood better. We could’ve talked and came to a compromise. You don’t understand what you put me through after it.” You were close to tears but you straighten your posture and sniffled, it was best not to think about what happened before. “I just needed a bit of closure too, I guess that’s why I came. I just was caught off guard. You could’ve knocked on my door or something, forced me to answer… forced me to talk.”
He met your eye for the first time since you came over. “You wouldn’t have listened,” He huffs. “Didn’t I mention how stubborn you are? Plus, I meant what I said. I needed time to myself and I think we both did.”
“I guess…But Nanami, this book was too much. A letter would’ve been fine if you needed closure, don’t you think?” You see his lips quirk up a bit before he licks them, trying not to laugh it seems.
“My publisher got a hold of some of the documents where I was just going over things, writing here and there. She loved the idea… plus I’m in a contract for six books so I had to put something out soon, it had already been a year.” He told you, sitting his chin on top of his knuckles. “I honestly didn't mean to hurt you. I was writing for fun… reminiscing about us and then later down the line, I realized I was writing because I wanted you to read it, I just didn’t exactly know how to get you to since you were very adamant on avoiding me, which is understandable. But regardless, I didn’t think it’d get on the bestseller list or for the reviews to get so harsh.” He admits, reaching for your hand before his hand froze in midair and he stopped himself, choosing instead to put it behind his head.
“Is there anyway you can stop the sequel from being published then… since you got my attention after all this time?” You asked, putting your most dazzling smile on, hoping to sway him.
“I can talk to my publisher. Everything’s in print and materials are already done… but I’ll try to see if I can stop production.” His adam’s apple bobbles when he does a harsh swallow. “Are we… okay? Do you forgive me?”
The question made you pause. He always made it hard for you to not forgive him; it took one look or a smile and a small explanation and it made it easy to fall in love with him all over again, no matter what he did… it seems. But it made you ask yourself: Were you too easy? Did you really forgive him? It was thoughts like that swirling around the corners of your mind. You wanted to forgive him, he was just writing and telling a story… but it was your story, not just his. Using this for your attention when he could’ve written about anything else, he didn’t have to. Were you just ready to forgive him because you still loved him?
You hadn’t realized how deep in thought you were until you felt the couch dip and even then, your mind was still spirling.“You don’t have to…” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, his body so close to yours that it was getting hard to breathe. He still smelled the same; citrus and woodsy and it was easy to get yourself sucked back in.
“So you can write another book about my stubbornness?” You give a quiet giggle, scooting a bit away from him, seeing him frown from the corner of your eyes. You didn’t want to fall back but he made it all so simple. It was easy and you were already falling back on him and you didn’t need that… Did you?
“Baby…” Your body buzzed and hummed, turning to him with wide eyes. “I’ll do anything I can to make this right. Anything for you to forgive me… If they can’t stop publication, what can I do to make us right?” He was doing more than a gaze, he was full on staring and from how close he was it was hard to avoid.
“Nanami I–” You stopped yourself. You couldn’t really think of anything he could do but you could think of several unhealthy things you could do to ruin your progress on going over him. He had betrayed you and made you a laughing stock so why are you stuck thinking about forgiveness when you should be leaving.
“I never stopped loving you.” His fingers traced up and down your pants but his eyes stayed on yours. “I never thought about anyone but you… I never slept with anyone… it’s always been you. But, I understand what I put you through and I’ll apologize every second until you forgive me…” The blond man who you never saw shed a tear looked more than close to it. “But just please… forgive me.”
“I’m sorry, honest.” He tries again after being met with absolute silence. “Just… let me show you, okay?” His breath tickles your face for a second and when you look into his cocoa brown eyes, you feel everything you once felt again.
Memories of good times dulls out the odd feelings in the pit of your stomach – the confusion and pain – instead are replaced with joy. The trip to Malaysia where he rubbed sunscreen on your entire body and laid back to read a book and you watched as his eyes kept drifting to you while you played in the cerulean water; how you kept begging him to come in until he complied and how eventually in the early hours of the morning when you wanted another dip, he fucked you twice — once in the golden lush sand and another in the cool ocean water.
His face is in your thighs and you couldn’t help but feel better, feeling his breath fanning so close to your pants covered pussy, your body felt scorching hot. He’s grumbling, “Will you let me make it up to you? Will you let me show you how sorry I am?”
You must’ve nodded because he was already unbuttoning your pants and helping you lay back, pulling your shirt up just a bit to see your perky tits – he must’ve remembered how you never wore bras unless you felt it was necessary, which was mainly work or any important events.
He blew a bit on your hardening nipples before he took one into his mouth – playing biting them with a smug look on his face before he began licking around your areolas and kissing around the swells of your breast. He doesn’t say anything but he looks deep in thought as he kisses down your body, his fingers scraping down your sides as he works your pants and your panties all the way down. Bringing his head up for a minute, he looks in your face. “I love you.” He says it simply, heavy emotions swirling in his brown eyes.
Removing your pants and underwear completely from your body, he spreads your thighs and looks over your body – a trimmed low pretty bush sits between your thighs and it makes him smile, he always loved seeing the curled hair on your delicate lower lips. He spreads your pussy, watching the skin stretch with a deep smile on his face. You could feel yourself … the wetness leaking down under your body and it made you cringe, but the way he was staring at you made the insecurities vanish. “All this for me?” He takes a tentative lick before he slurps, clutching your hips. “I know you like to run… but I need you to stay put, got it?” It was hard for you to listen to him, your head already fuzzy and the thoughts swirling around were only about him, nothing more.
Then your body bucks up, “Wait–!” A broken moan escapes your mouth when he presses a soft wet kiss to your clit. Nanami had always been gentle and very careful whenever he ate you out; making sure his tongue was wet enough and that he wasn’t too rough. His tongue was wide enough to make your back arch, your body leaving the couch when it finally hit your clit and he gave you no time to recover before he peeled back the hood, sitting the tip of his tongue there and rapidly flicked at the bud.
Hearing the lewd squelching noises coming from the mixture of your cunt and his mouth made you close your eyes, squeezing them shut tightly. He spits before he licks it up and down your aching slit, nudging his tongue inside only slightly, much to your dismay. You’re gasping every second when more of his tongue slips in and out of your pussy; sliding a bit more each time and it makes your thighs shake. When he finally slips his entire tongue inside of you, curling it just enough that you can feel it everywhere, your legs attempt to close up around his head. “Please– ‘m so… soo–oh…” His fingers join in on the fun and in small sloppy circles he rubs your clit, pressing down on the pearl while his tongue continues flicking inside of you. The split second that you open your eyes, his are already on yours and it was that moment, that made your body tense up and for you to cum.
It happens fast, clear sticky wetness leaks out of you and Nanami still tries to get more of it on his tongue, catching anything that drips and sucking on your folds. “Always so fucking good…” He mutters, spreading you again and smearing more of your slick on his face by shaking his head between your thighs, so that he’s completely covered in you.
When he moves his head, embarrassment comes over you, looking at his wet face… even his forehead was wet and you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes. “Nothing to be embarrassed about, baby but… I’ll be right back, stay wet for me.”
Your heart hammers against your chest, lying there on this now wet couch. You didn’t come over here for this and yet here you are… about to get fucked and really, it was no turning back now. You’d been on dates with men after Nanami but they never lasted past the second date and you certainly hadn’t had sex in a while, but he made you come apart like it was nothing.
But then again, Nanami knew your body… so of course this was a walk in the park for him. It honestly annoyed you right now, you couldn’t even make yourself cum half the time especially these last few years and now, barely an hour here and he has you right where he wanted you… bare and practically back in love with him.
Nanami came back with a fresh face and unbuttoned pants that he was currently pulling down. You clenched around nothing, your mind thinking only of the perfect dick that was going to be coming out of those pants. You licked your lips, this would be the first dick you saw in years and it was his.
His drooling cock slapped his stomach and you swallowed, your mouth felt unreasonably dry. The length of his cock always impressed you, standing tall at seven and a half inches, he shakes with laughter which snaps you out of your daze. “Now let me look at you.” His whispers and even though he already saw you, both years ago and right now, you can’t help but feel hot all over again. He’s staring – drawing his eyes down every inch of your body – focusing on your breast before getting to the stare of the show yet again. He smirks, laying you back down, pressing his body against yours to kiss you.
Your breath was caught in your throat, his tongue still tasted of you and his hands cups your jaw. He’s gentle, his tongue moving around your mouth messily before he stops, saliva breaking apart when he does so. His fingers make a ghostly featherlight touch on your clit that makes you jump, the head of his cock at your entrance. He holds out his hand, close to your mouth. “Spit.” Gathering up some, you spit in the palm of his hand and stroke it along his length, huffing at the sensation.
He pushes in, taking his time to work himself inside of you, a strained expression on his face. Hips pulled back, he focuses more on just the tip of himself fucking you, watching your pussy stretch with just the tiniest bit of resistance. Inching himself inside, you watch his torso flex and he groans, obscene noises plop and plap around the apartment, his heavy cock pushing in and out of you, your toes curling.
“Pussy still mines, right? Didn’t give it away, did you?” You’re struggling to talk - to fucking breathe - your eyes rolling back and your jaw slacked but you babble out a soft ‘no’ which makes him finally thrust in you harder, completely bottoming out. You feel him in your belly, feeling full and embarrassingly wide with him stretching you out, his balls sitting on the crest of your ass before he moves.
He moves you a bit, your bodies flush to each other and he moves his hips in harsh circles, his pelvis so close to your clit. His hands on your calves, he pushes your legs so that they rest on his shoulders, your knees touching your ears makes you tighten up and he groans above you.
“Nanami I-” You call out, eyes closed with pleasure shaking through your core, wetness slapping between the both of you.
“Nanami? No, call me what you used to call me.” His hips slowed down, a whine escaping your lips. His cock dragging inside of your walls, pulling out slowly, awaiting your response.
“Please…don’t slow down, Ken—” before the word even left your lips, his hand slapped your cunt, leaving your legs shaking a bit and your eyes snapping open. Drops of tears run down your cheeks and you sniffle, reaching for him… you couldn’t help but feel so small in his presence.
“Say it.” Then, you knew what he meant. A name that now feels foreign in your brain and even when it leaves your mouth, it comes out in a strange rattled whimper.
“Oh, oh… daddy, ‘m sorry. Please, keep fucking me. It’s so goooood!” He’s grinning before the words leave your mouth.
“Still my good girl huh? Always so fucking good for daddy.” He licks up your neck and it makes you tremble, your tongue lolling out a bit and he moves to suckle on it. “Did you skip over all those sex scenes or did you rub this pussy out to them?” He asks, his fingers digging in the back of your thighs.
You choked out, sobbing, “I did, daddy… But I-I don’t want to remember everything.”
“You don’t remember all the words I used to describe this cunt? This pretty pussy? That changed his life… my life? That made him always crawl back? That made him so fucking hard? The pretty words I used to describe you? To describe how pretty she always looked when he fucked her? How his heart felt like it was going to explode when she looked at him too long because he loved her so damn much?” He’s groaning in your ear, thrusting into you, his depth reaching your g-spot, your pussy spasming and begging for his cum at every word he uttered.
Pumping himself inside, you could see the white creaminess that was on his cock, most likely because of you, he was constantly fucking the cream inside of you, your nails digged into his arms and he moaned at the feeling. Your stomach tightens and you move to push him away, “I’m going to c–cum!” You felt him throbbing inside of you, signaling that he was close too. “Please, cum inside of me… I can’t take it.” You couldn’t stand it any longer, it’s been years and you needed him to fill you up. He stopped for a moment, changing positions so that you’ll be sitting on his lap, grabbing your hips and forcibly bouncing you on his dick, dangerously slow.
Wetness gushes on him as his tip hits you from a new angle, seeing the outline of him in your tummy, he’s stretching you again with each nasty thrust. Each drag of his cock making you go crazy and the aching between your legs continue, your body shaking and both of you moaning loudly and over each other.
Finally, your orgasm rattled and shook your entire body, your pussy sucking him in, milking him for all he’s worth and it makes his body shake and he releases inside of you, trying to stay quiet as his body jerks up, unable to stop himself from fucking you through both of your orgasms.
It’s quiet for a while, just heavy breathing with you laying on his chest. “I love you too…” Your voice is scratchy and your face tear stained. He doesn’t say anything, his cock still pulsing inside of you.
“I know. I love you too, never stopped.”
“Did you at least read the acknowledgements or did you just dive right in?”
“I never read the acknowledgements for books, thought you would’ve remembered that.” You watch him get up, walking around the living room, looking for something. You were both still naked and the entire room smelled of sex.
“I did remember that and when you barged in my door, I already knew that you still hadn’t changed when it came to that. Here, read this part right here.” He brings you over a copy and you run your fingers around the softback cover with a small smile on your face; this silly thing had brought you both back together and right now you could give less than a fuck about those reviews.
Feeling the spine of the book, you open it and can practically smell the scent of an unopened new book. Turning the first few pages, you go to the one page acknowledgment and read it aloud: “She might not read this book. But if she does, by chance. I hope she knows that I still love her.” You wiped your eyes and smiled. “You’re an asshole, you know?”
He lets out a hearty laugh, “I know baby.” Kissing the top of your head, he gets up and grabs his phone from the kitchen counter and you follow him. “I think I have enough material to write a third book now.” He grabs his phone and starts typing, his eyebrows furrowed as if he was deep in thought. Attempting to grab his phone he chuckles and uses his height to his advantage by standing taller.
Standing on the tips of your toes you snort, “Don’t even joke about that!” But a smile takes over your face and he can’t help but smile too.
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