#i remember once a couple years ago i was so tired i couldn't keep a coherent thought for more than a few hours.

[boar-cry]

somewhere, beneath the fog, you know someone is waiting for you. (you have to keep going.)

so take a breath. rest for a bit. but you must continue.

[rafeshoeeee]

Best friends brother

I had been best friends with Sarah Cameron for as long as i could remember. Our families go way back and had known each other for years.

Sarah is the kook princess, everyone knows her and everyone loves her. She's dating Topper Thornton, her brother's best friend. They're constantly arguing with each other and it's so tiring. Topper is very short tempered and gets annoyed by Sarah's friendliness towards everybody. I have to tolerate Topper as he's around most of the time, but i have my reasons why he's not my favorite.

Sarah's older brother Rafe is just so dreamy. Due to me being very close with Sarah he has to put up with me constantly being around, but deep down i know he doesn't mind that one bit.

I've known Rafe since he was a stroppy 9 year old boy. I've watched his mannerisms change over the years as he developed into the person he is.

We never really took any notice of each other when we were younger, but once we both matured, we couldn't keep our hands off of each other.

We had gotten much closer over the past two years and everyone had noticed. We spoke more at parties, laughed together, got drunk together and behind closed doors we did things we know we shouldn't.

But we just couldn't help it.

I wanted him because i knew i couldn't have him.

i remember when i first developed a little crush for him a couple of years ago, and i would get upset every time he brought a new girl home. Which was usually once a week, sometimes more. But overtime this bad habit had worn off once we started getting closer.

We are actually dating now but it's a massive secret. No one can know, and that's what makes it exciting. Sneaking around together gives both of us a buzz that's indescribable.

I used to tell myself that i would never do anything to ruin mine and Sarah's friendship, yet here i was laying in her brothers bed with nothing but his t-shirt and my pink panties on. My body pressed up against Rafe's bare chest, my finger nail tracing shapes on his right bicep. His arms lazily draped around my waist and had been for most of the night.

It was early morning in the Outer Banks and i had been awake for a little while, just watching Rafe peacefully sleep, looking so calm and relaxed. I listened to his slow heart beat gently bump in his chest, calming me also.

I watched him as he blinked his eyes open, adjusting to the light that beamed through the curtains. I placed a couple of gentle kisses along his jawline to let him know i was awake before nuzzling my head back into his chest.

His hand gently stroked my hair and i felt his lips kiss the top of my head, making me smile to myself. I loved mornings like this, Rafe being all soft compared to his usual tough boy act. No one ever saw this loving side to him and that's why everyone thinks he's a hot headed maniac. Most people only see his bad moments as he doesn't let his guard down very easily, but i was so grateful he chose me to be like this with.

"morning baby" i whispered to him, propping myself up onto my elbows so i could look at his face.

He squinted at me, his eyes still not adjusted to the light. He slowly removed his arm from around my waist and rubbed his eyes with his hand. I lightly laughed at his action, knowing that he wasn't a morning person but he was trying his best.

"morning beautiful" he replied, his voice slightly cracking due to him not being fully awake yet.

I just looked at him with loving eyes, wondering how i got so lucky. My heart fluttered in my chest at his compliment and how sexy he sounded with his morning voice.

I cupped his right cheek gently and connected our lips, the kisses were gentle and passionate, full of warmth and love.

I could feel Rafe's hands traveling down my body and they stopped at my bum, squeezing the flesh, causing me to giggle into his mouth and our lips separating.

"Rafeee" i squealed from his unexpected gesture.

Before i could say anything else, Rafe grabbed my chin and reconnected our lips, the kisses still so gentle and soft.

As much as i wanted to stay in bed all morning with Rafe, cuddling with him and absorbing all his body heat. I couldn't risk getting caught in here and he knew that. A lot of the time we spend together has to get cut short and it's so annoying because all we want to do is be together every minute of every day. But we just can't.

I struggled to pull away from Rafe as he knew what time it was. He knew i had to leave and scurry off to the guest bedroom and act like i didn't spend all night and all morning laying in his bed.

He groaned out of frustration and peppered kisses all over my face. I giggled at his clinginess, "baby i have to go" i told him firmly but softly, looking at him with an apologetic expression.

I hated leaving him in the mornings when he's all cute and precious. He grabbed my body and pulled me into him, not wanting to let me go, "just five more minutes" he groaned out, wrapping his big arms around my small frame. He made me feel so comfortable and safe but now really wasn't the time, any minute now Sarah would wake up and come searching for me.

I untangled myself from his arms and quickly jumped out of bed. The slightly cold air pricked my skin, goosebumps appearing on my arms. I searched the room for my pjs, needing to change into them. I know Sarah would think me wondering around in her brother's top is strange and i don't want to cause any suspicion.

"look away" i told Rafe, about to pull his top over my head.

He jokingly scoffed, "your kidding right? I've seen you naked plenty of times"

He's right, but i knew i wouldn't be able to resist his lustful stare as i stripped in the middle of his bedroom. However, i didn't have to time to argue with him over such a silly thing, so i just pulled his top over my head, leaving me in just my pink panties.

My hand instantly shot over my bare breasts as i hurried to pull my own floral pajama top over my head.

"don't cover yourself up sweetheart, let me see you" Rafe demanded, i could tell he had a huge smirk on his lips, despite me not looking his way.

His seductive voice turned me on so much, i loved the way he made me feel. He made me feel like the only girl in the world and he treated me like a goddess.

I dropped my arm from breasts and let them free, perfectly on display for Rafe to eye. I looked over at him and saw him lick his lips.

"such pretty tits" he blurted out, running a hand over his buzzed hair, clearly overstimulated.

I smirked to myself as i pulled my top over my head. I loved how much control i had over him. The way he just drowned me in compliments all of the time made me feel so confident.

i teasingly bent down to grab my pajama shorts, my ass in perfect view for Rafe to see. I heard him grunt from behind me and i quickly stepped into my shorts before turning to face him.

"everything okay baby?" i asked him with a devious smirk on my lips.

He chuckled to himself, "you're such a little tease" he laughed softly and readjusted himself under the covers.

I quickly leant over him to give him a quick peck on the lips before exiting his room. I felt his hand slap my ass and i looked at back at him with wide eyes.

"i love you" i told him before opening his bedroom door to leave.

He smiled at my words and responded, "i love you more baby"

I gently shut Rafe's bedroom door behind me and i quickly scurried to the guest bedroom three doors down. I opened the door, the bed was freshly made and the windows were ajar, a little breeze blowing the curtains. I rolled onto the bed and buried myself underneath the covers, making it look like i had spent the night here.

I missed Rafe already. I missed hearing him breathe in my ear, i missed the feeling of his lips on mine and peppering my skin and i missed the way he looked at me. I couldn't put into words the amount of love i feel for him, and i fall in love with him more and more every single day. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

I adored him so much and never understood how anyone can be mean to him. I understood that he doesn't appear to be the friendliest person on the planet but i believe that you have to give everyone a chance. i took my chance with Rafe and it was one hundred percent worth it.

I opened my phone and typed a message to Rafe,

Me: I miss you baby x

He responded almost immediately, a mirror picture of him with a towel wrapped around his waist. His v line peeking over the top and little water droplets running down his abs. There was text at the bottom stating, i miss you too baby girl

My core was aching for him, he knew i loved him like this.

I quickly went into the guest bathroom that was attached to the bedroom and pulled my tiny pajama shorts down. I snapped a picture of my ass, it was slightly covered by my tiny pink thong, but it was perfect. He knew exactly how to turn me on, and i knew exactly how to turn him on.

Rafe started typing and his message read,

Rafe: fuck baby, i need you

That was it. As soon as i received that message, i quickly pulled my shorts on. i exited the guest room and headed straight for Rafe's. My hand reached the door knob but before i could turn it and enter the room I heard my name.

"y/n? what are you doing?" Sarah asked, confusion written all over her face.

My face dropped.

Shit.

[literaila]

remembering

gojo satoru x fem!reader

summary: satoru has a bad day

warnings: canon angst, sad satoru, worried reader, etc.

last part | next part

*

year five.

satoru has been sitting on the couch for over an hour, probably. he's been staring at the wall and he hasn't even been thinking, really, but remembering. 

today is a bad day. that was clear enough when he woke up with a headache, the other half of his bed empty--because you'd been gone that past few days on a mission somewhere satoru can't remember the name of.

and today was a bad day when he took megumi out on his own mission, surveying the area for anything weak and small, and the boy couldn't manage to summon his shikigami for some unknown reason. 

and it was a bad day when megumi asked why can't you do everything for us? when he complained the whole way home and said i don't want to do this. i don't want to be-- 

today's just a bad day. 

and it was a bad day exactly six years ago, when suguru left. and it's still bad now because satoru is still alone. 

even though you came home a couple of hours ago and have been messing around with the kids since. 

you didn't say anything about his mood at dinner, but satoru knows that you can feel it. he can feel it--the looming, the storm. he can feel his own muscles shaking beneath his skin like they're ready to burst. 

he can feel it every time his heart contracts, and every time his heart remembers that it has no purpose. that he's just a man; if only that. 

and honestly--he's a lucky person. he knows that. 

but he doesn't feel lucky today. 

and he's been sitting on the couch, staring at the wall, for far too long. his eyes almost burn. it can't be tears though, because satoru isn't upset. it can't be tears because he doesn't cry. maybe he hasn't been blinking. 

maybe he's already dead, floating in a hell designed just for him. 

god, he hates being alone. 

it's when he thinks this that you walk into the room, slightly bouncing, a fresh reprieve from everything else. 

satoru manages a small smile at you.

“hey,” you say to him, voice soft and sweet as you walk over. but there's a question in the word because satoru knows you’ve been waiting for him. just like you always do. “you weren’t in your room. what are you doing?” 

but you don’t give him enough time to respond—not that he was going to—before your leg brushes against his. you've reached the other side of the room in almost an instant, or maybe satoru's just making things up. 

your hands go to his face, soft and warm, brushing against skin that satoru wants to scrub dry. “you tired?” you ask him, rubbing at the spot under his eye. 

you're standing between his legs, just a bit taller than him like this, staring at him so intently that it feels cruel. satoru's face fades into something neutral--something lost. he doesn't want to talk to you like this. 

it's simple when you begin to climb on top of him, hands using his shoulders to keep yourself steady. you wrap your legs around his torso, almost like you're kneeling against him, and then your hands move, playing with his hair.

“no,” he mumbles, not looking at you.

he doesn't think that he can stand your eyes right now. or your heart, or your voice. there's never been a moment where he's wanted you to move away from him, but the prickling feeling under his skin is almost instinctual. 

satoru has spent his life keeping people away, blocking them from ever reaching him, and it's almost infuriating that he can't do that to you right now. 

that he doesn't really want to. 

you're not even that close, and still. the feeling of you relaxing against him increases his hesitation tenfold. 

should he pull you closer or push you away? 

are you safer falling against the floor, or into him? 

satoru doesn't know. he doesn't know anything, really. suguru would tell him that if he was here now. 

but he's not, satoru thinks, and his mood darkens once again. 

still, you're smiling at him like you know he’s lying. “how’d your thing with megumi go? he told me that you said you thought he was improving,” you nudge him, “were you trying to make him feel better?” 

satoru gives in and brushes a hand across your face, moving hair away from your eyes. “he’s good.” 

“wow. ‘good,’” you shake your head. “such glowing remarks for your only son. you’re a great teacher, you know? maybe next you'll explain the ranking system to him." 

“i thought you already did that.” 

“i'm kidding, satoru,” you smile at him, tilting your head. and then you frown, and the world spins. “you okay?” 

his heart falters. satoru hates lying to you. “yeah, i’m fine.” 

“you’ve got wrinkles,” you say and smooth the furrow in his brow. “what’s up?” 

“nothing.” 

“you know that you’re a terrible liar?” 

satoru sighs, he attempts a smile, but it's futile because he doesn't have one, right now. and he should be happy that you're here--he should feel like clinging to you, sleeping right next to you like he's wanted to for days--but he doesn't. 

and maybe that's worse than anything else. 

how ridiculous would suguru call him now? when he's got you right where he's always wanted you, right there in front of him and he can't even do anything?

how hard would he laugh at satoru?

“hey,” you say, a bit serious. you give him a look. “you can talk to me.” 

“i know.” 

“did something happen?” 

“no.”

“was it megumi? he didn’t say anything—“ 

“nothing happened.” 

“well, then what’s up?” 

“nothing. i’m fine. i’m good.” 

you've always been able to see through him, always known how he felt before he could. and he likes that, usually. he likes that you understand him, that you care. 

he should be basking in it. in you, in your sweet smile and simple composure. you're a pillar against him, strong and sure, and satoru feels like he's suffocating. 

how can you act so normal right now? today?

“you’re good?” you repeat, not a question. “you look…” 

satoru shakes his head, he looks towards the floor but nothing has changed. suguru still hasn't come back and his carpet is still white. “are you bullying me right now?” 

“no,” you say defensively. usually, it would be a joke, but it's like you can tell that his ego is already bruised. “i was going to say handsome.” 

“sure.” 

“satoru…” you’ve got a frown on. “what’s wrong?” 

“like i said, nothing.” 

“will you tell me? please?” 

“there’s nothing to tell.” 

“if somethings wrong i want—“ 

“can you just drop it?” his voice is hard, rough. it feels like he just swallowed dirt. satoru can tell that he's on the verge of breaking--falling to pieces under your whims and your charms--and he doesn’t want to tell anyone anything. 

especially not you and especially not when you look like that. when you're one of the only good things he has. when he could so easily destroy you. 

satoru swallows. 

he knows he’s just ruined your mood. he knows that he shouldn’t be short with you, shouldn’t avoid or eyes or pretend like he doesn’t love it when you sit in his lap. 

but currently, he would rather feel nothing, empty, than anything else. he would rather feel like bursting under the weight of his power than upset, than sick with himself. 

if you keep asking him… he’ll give you an answer. 

and it won’t be one you want. 

“i—“ you pause, observing his face. you’ve lost the teasing in your eyes, the clarity on your face. unfortunately, satoru can feel it as you tense. “okay. you don’t have to tell me.” 

he nods but doesn’t answer. he should say thank you, but he’s not grateful. 

just a little more, he almost pleads, keep going. 

but you won’t because he asked you not to. because you’re better than him, and you flinch away from conflict like it’ll bruise you. 

“i, um, i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to push.” 

he sighs again. “it’s fine.” 

you bite your lip, and satoru knows that you want to say something—ask something—but can’t. he can almost feel the words on the tip of your tongue, begging to come out. 

there is a point. and a cause, and significance too. 

no, there's not. 

still, you try again, straightening on his lap. you mess with the hair by his ear. “did tsumiki tell you about her science fair? it’s in a couple of weeks.” 

“no.” 

“she wants to do a lemon circuit.” 

“why?” 

you shrug. “lemons are cool.” 

“are they?” he asks, and it’s almost a joke, but it lacks the warmth of his voice. it lacks his amusement, any care. 

“uh, yeah.” 

satoru wants to smile at you, but it still feels impossible. his voice feels small, and if he says anything else it won't be loud enough for you to hear. 

he wants so desperately to just give in to you. to shake himself out of this. 

but when he tries, he meets a wall of his own creation, the same moment over and over. 

he wishes he could give into this, your prodding, your smiles, but he can’t. 

and then, so softly, you ask, “do you want me to stop talking?” 

satoru exhales. “no.” 

he doesn't know what he wants. 

“okay. do you want me to get off?” 

you're so arrogant. 

“no.” 

you tuck your chin in. “are you lying to me, satoru?” 

satoru looks away, towards the wall. towards a past he can't manage to erase no matter how hard he tries. “no.” 

“i can leave you alone,” you whisper, “if you want me to.” 

“i don’t want you to.” 

“if you need space, that’s fine.” 

“i don’t.” 

“okay.” 

satoru nods. “okay.” 

a moment passes when satoru's chest is tight, his breath short and his body completely at will. he can't do anything right now, not breathe, not move, not love you the way you deserve. 

absolutely nothing. 

and he wants to scream at this version of himself. he wants to pick himself up off of the floor just so he can kick himself back down. but there's no point to that, no point to any of it. 

his eyes still burn. maybe he has something stuck in them.

“i just…” you start a moment later. it's almost like you know that he's falling apart like your body can feel it, even if you can't. the pause in your voice allows satoru's anger to surface. 

he knows that you can't help it, really. but it doesn't matter. 

“why can’t you leave this alone?” he asks, voice that same rough thing it was a minute ago. that cruel tone that he hopes will make you flinch away from him. 

but it doesn't. 

you frown. “because i’m worried about you. you’re not talking to me, and you won’t look me in the eye, and you seem upset.” 

he looks you in the eye. he knows his face is hard, just a plane of rays and lines. “look, i'm fine.” 

this time you look away first, away from the wrong version of him, shaking your head. 

“you don’t need to worry about me," satoru tells you, lump in his throat. his hands are plastered to his side, but his fingers move in a familiar motion. he could burn himself down right now, he thinks, it would only take a moment. 

“well, i’m going to. you think you’d have gotten used to it by now.” 

satoru rolls his eyes. 

you tilt your head so you can look at him more directly, get his eyes on your face. “i don’t know what to do, okay? you’re not like megumi or tsumiki, you don't tell me these things. and i can’t read your mind.” 

“good.” 

“why don’t you want to talk to me?” your face is soft, concerned.

satoru looks away. “i already told you, there’s nothing to talk about. i don’t even know why you’re worried.” 

“because of that,” you say, pointing at him. "you keep doing that."

“doing what?” 

“that. you’re being short with me.” 

“i'm just talking,” satoru closes his eyes. "i thought that was what you wanted."

he can't see you, but he can feel it as you lean back, away from him, and your body relaxes--but in defeat. he wants to open his eyes and study you, observe you like some science experiment. 

and he wants never to look at you again. 

you breathe in, intentionally. “you don’t want me to talk to you, and you don’t want me to go away. what do you want, satoru? what can i do to help?” 

“nothing…” he answers, whispering. “nothing,” he repeats. 

because it's true. if you could go back and fix everything for him. if you could've been there this morning when he was still a person and not a corpse, still a father and yours instead of a boy you once knew--if you could've done that, he'd be fine. 

or he wouldn't be. satoru doesn't even know anymore. 

“i won’t ridicule you for whatever’s wrong,” you tell him, as a reassurance, just in case he wasn’t sure. “i wouldn’t do that.” 

“wouldn’t you?” 

“satoru.” 

“look,” he sits up, holding onto you by your waist. your legs tighten around him. “there’s nothing wrong. you don’t need—i don’t want you to worry about me.” 

“i can’t help it.” 

“well, try.” 

you look away, towards the door. satoru can see you contemplating the words--he can feel the argument, the call of hypocrisy. he would tell you to talk to him, he would say that you needed to get it off your chest. 

somehow, satoru doesn't care. he'd rather be a hypocrite--cruel--and protect you from this than let you inside. let you mold in the core of him, rotten and unused.

you sigh, eventually, like you know what he's thinking. “do you want to go to bed?” 

it takes a moment, but satoru nods. he’s not tired—he’s almost wide awake—but at least being asleep would be better than this. 

at least if he can fall asleep and wake up then it won't be today anymore. then he won't have to think about all of this and try not to let the thoughts overflow out of him. 

“okay,” you finally smile again, though it’s slight. almost unnatural on your face. “c’mon.”

you climb off of him, grabbing his hand to pull him up.

satoru lets you lead the way to his bedroom, focusing on the feeling of your smaller hand in his. you’re warm, and satoru could reach up and feel your pulse. 

maybe he should. he’s not even sure if he’s alive right now. 

but when you reach for his door handle he stops, shaking your hand from his. 

it’s almost unconscious. his body knows what he wants.

he immediately feels the cold, but there’s no going back now. he can't grab your hand and pretend it was an accident, satoru can't go back to being the person who falls asleep in your arms, wrapped entirely around you. 

he just can't. 

you turn to look at him, tilting your head in question. 

"can i--" he stops, swallowing. this time, the burning in his eyes is different. 

"what?" you ask, softly. 

"could--i think i just need some space. tonight." 

"okay, i can--" you pause, eyes widening. "oh, you..." you look towards his door, back to him. satoru watches the realization hit your face, the pain. 

he wants to look away but he can't. 

"is that okay?" he wonders, voice smaller, softer. it feels almost natural. 

"yeah, that's fine," you nod your head immediately, too fast, too sharp. "that's totally fine. whatever you need." 

satoru leans back. "are you sure?" 

"yeah, satoru, of course. i'll just, um--" you shake your head, now, backing away. and then you sidestep him, trying to get away as fast as possible. "i'll see you in the morning, okay? just... you know, get me, if there's anything. if you need anything, i mean. if..." you stop there. 

satoru's heart feels rotten at the bewildered look on your face, the sudden fear in your eyes. 

but he only nods. he's not allowed to change his mind. 

and when you begin to back away, down the hall to your room, satoru doesn't open the door. he doesn't move. 

he watches you as you run far away from him, your body tense and your back turned towards him. 

if you want to kill me, then kill me, satoru hears. there would be a point to that. 

he stares at the space where you were even after you're gone, shut away behind your door, not having bothered to look back at him. he waits like you might come back. like he wants you to. 

and then, as if he's completely okay, satoru opens his door. 

when he closes it, the sound echoes in his core. 

*

satoru lays in bed for hours. 

he'd forgotten how difficult it was to fall asleep without someone there beside him. 

*

next part | series masterlist

[ellieluvr420]

Friends? Never. Pt.1 (Ellie Williams x reader)

SYNOPSIS: You and Ellie had been bitter enemies for years now but before that you were best friends. You had always planned to be roommates one day but when that becomes a reality the situation isn't exactly how you both imagined it.

New fic alert? Can you tell I've got a thing for the enemies to lovers trope? Sorryyyyyy. I have loads of ideas for so many stories but this one made me too excited :D I can’t tell if the writing in this is ass but i’m just setting things up hold out hope for me people…

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." Ellie opens the door of her new home only to see you, her least favourite person in Jackson, standing at her door with your suitcase in hand.

"No no no no no no no." You say as you immediately start walking away from her. You keep walking until you see Maria walking towards you.

"Don't even start-" She already knows what you're going to say.

"I am not fucking living with her Maria."

"Didn't I tell you not to start? You're wasting your breath anyway, this is the only way we can accommodate all the new arrivals."

"Why do you hate me?" You groan and she spins you around immediately marching you back to your new home.

"I don't, but you and Ellie are a pain in my ass, maybe make the most of it and try and get along hm?" She keeps you held firmly at the front door as she knocks three times.

"Back for more alrea-" Ellie pauses as she sees Maria standing there with a stern look on her face, she pushes you through the door and smiles.

"Enjoy setting up!" She calls over her shoulder and you're sure you hear her laugh.

"Fuck my life." You push past Ellie, bumping her hard enough that she stumbles slightly. You storm off upstairs to find your room huffing at your new reality.

You're unpacking all your belongings when you notice her standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe. "Are you just gonna keep staring at me like a creep?"

"Are you gay?"

"Pardon?" You scoff at her bluntness but your heart was beating a mile a minute, you knew it wasn't a big deal, she's a lesbian herself, but for some reason you still found coming out to people so difficult. Your parents hadn't taken it well which is how you found yourself living on your own... well, with Ellie. You breathe in and regain your composure, turning to her and flashing a coy smirk. "Why do you want to know Williams? Got a little crush on me?"

"Ha! You wish. Just wondered seeing as you're nineteen and have never once even held a guys hand."

"Didn't realise you paid so much attention to me, should I be worried I have a stalker?" She rolls her eyes at you obviously avoiding her question. "Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't, just trying to figure out if I should be worried about you getting a crush on me and going all crazy."

You walk over to her until there's only inches between you. "You're so arrogant." You bump her in the shoulder and she stumbles as you walk past her towards the kitchen. "You're also not my type... at all." You call over her shoulder missing the look of bewilderment on her face.

"Wait... so you are?" Ellie calls as she follows you to the kitchen. She's close behind you as you march away until you stop dead in your tracks causing her to bump into you.

"If you must know Ellie, yes I am."

"Oh." Ellie felt her heart clench a little for you as she knows how unaccepting your parents are, that's why you stopped being friends all those years ago after all.

You had met Ellie on the first day she arrived in Jackson, she looked tired and a little gaunt but you still felt butterflies in your stomach when you laid eyes on her for the first time. You remember seeing her walk in and hand a gun she kept in the back of her jeans to Maria, you were gobsmacked because she looked the same age as you and you couldn't imagine holding, let alone using, a gun. You had been born in Jackson, only ever leaving to go on patrol in the last couple years so 14 year old you found the girl all the more intriguing. You had watched her from a distance as Joel spoke to your dad, you still remember the feeling of your stomach dropping when she looked up to see you spying on her. You hadn't spoken to her until later that evening when Joel and her had come to yours for dinner. It was awkward at first but when she saw your record player and limited vinyl collection, the ice thawed quickly, you became inseparable until your parents started taking an issue with your friendship with her, you never understood why they stopped you seeing her and stopped seeing Joel until two years ago when you told them you were a lesbian. Ellie had always known that they were homophobic but it still hurt when they stopped you seeing her, she saw red any time she was near you because she was so hurt that you could cut her out of your life just like that and within a couple months you were bitter rivals that couldn't share a nice word with the other. Her hatred for you was so overwhelming that it forced her to stop being so awkward around people because she was so focused on throwing as many insults your way as possible that her nerves when speaking to others dissipated.

Now, as you stand in the kitchen staring at her leaning on the doorframe you felt a pang of guilt for how you had treated her although it quickly disappeared the second she opened her beautiful mouth.

"Well er... you're not my type either so don't get any ideas." You laugh at the awkwardness of her statement knowing why she suddenly lost confidence in herself.

"Thanks for the clarification." You roll your eyes before busying yourself getting a glass of water, it was the middle of summer so all the moving and unpacking was making you feel severely dehydrated. Ellie watched as you gulped down the water, noting how a couple drops fall down onto your white tank top. She dragged her eyes away from you and cleared her throat.

"Well now we've established the feelings mutual we can go back to never speaking again. Or are you going to bother me constantly with small talk?"

"Oh believe me you have nothing to worry about on my end." You refill the glass again and walk over to her. "And if I'm remembering correctly you're the one that came and spoke to me, so I could ask you the same thing, no?" You jab a finger into her chest as you speak emphasising your point. "Now if you'll excuse me I need to go wash this finger of your germs and finish unpacking." You push past her once again and she scoffs as you walk away back upstairs without looking back at her.

You continue unpacking methodically until everything is put away neatly and your decorations are in their new designated homes. As you collapse onto the bed picking up the book you were reading at the moment from your bedside table you breathe a sigh of relief at the breeze making its way through your open window. Your shared cabin was right on the outskirts of Jackson so your view was the beautiful woods that lined the north west section of the wall, as you looked at the greenery that was reflecting glittering spots of sunlight you reminisced on the times you and Ellie had spent in the woods when you were friends. You're interrupted from your thoughts by the growling of your stomach that prompts you to sneak back to the kitchen.

"Fuck's sake." You mutter under your breath as you walk into the kitchen only to be greeted by Ellie leaning on the counter savaging a bowl of cereal.

"You know you're spilling more of that down your shirt than you're getting in your mouth right?" Ellie looks down at her t-shirt only to see that you were correct when you said she was spilling milk down herself, she huffs and continues eating, this time being more careful as she brings the bowl right to her mouth.

"I thought I made it clear I didn't want to talk to you and yet... here you are talking to me." She mumbles through a mouthful of cereal. You roll your eyes and open the fridge only to see the leftovers you had put in there earlier were gone. You take a deep breath before spinning to give Ellie the dirtiest of looks.

"Are you fucking kidding me? That's the only food I had until I go out tomorrow. Why would you eat it?"

"Oh was that yours? My bad I got hungry earlier, it was really good though you gotta make me some more of that sometime." She smiles sweetly and your face twists into a scowl as you feel the rage boiling inside of you.

"Only we live here Ellie, if you're going to steal my food you could at least own it." You walk away and just before you leave the kitchen empty handed you turn back slightly. "Pussy." You go to walk away until you feel a hand enclose around your arm yanking you backwards. She pushes you up against the wall and leans her body weight on you so you can't move, relishing in your struggle.

"Say that again bitch, I dare you." Her eyes are dark and cold only mirroring yours, a devilish grin appears on your face as you lean in closer to her.

"You're a pussy Williams... and you don't scare me." You push her off with all your strength and rush away from her before slamming your door so hard you're shocked it doesn't come off the hinges. You pace around your room muttering and cursing Ellie before you stop, realising you actually have to live with her for the foreseeable future, every time you looked at her all you could think of is the screaming matches you endured with your parents when they banned you from seeing her and the look of defeat on her face as you ignored her for the first time when she came over to you while you were out with your parents, the nausea you were feeling only grew as the memory of when you came out to your parents flashes through your mind as it does multiple times throughout the day. You grab your book and begin reading once again trying to rid yourself of all these memories that Ellie was bringing up. As you finally feel the nausea calming there are three forceful knocks on your door that you ignore reflexively.

"You gonna open the door or what?" Ellie's voice is muffled but clear enough to make out what she's saying.

"No. Fuck off Ellie!" Ellie rolls her eyes before knocking harder this time and she doesn't stop, she continuously bangs on your door until you throw your book down in frustration to storm over to the source of your irritation. As you yank the door open you're greeted by a smirking Ellie. "WHAT? What could you possibly want? You eat my food, you piss me off, you pin me against a fucking wall, what do you want now Ellie?"

Ellie is taken aback by your harsh tone, typically it had a hint of playfulness to it but now you just sounded angry. She gulped before regaining her standoffish demeanour. "Calm down sweetie."

You scoff and go to slam the door in her face but her hand stops you and pushes the door back so hard you stumble backwards with it, you huff and walk away dropping down onto your bed once again.

"Can I come in?"

"Sure whatever. You're gonna do what you want anyway." She stuffs her hands into her front pockets and walks in as she looks at all the decorations in your room before plopping down on your bed sitting directly on your feet. You snatch them away with a huff as you grit your teeth and curl up to put as much distance between you two.

"What... do you want Williams?"

"Nothing really. Just wanted to see your room. It's very... you."

"Mm and I'm sure yours looks like a squatters pit." You smile smugly at her as she rolls her eyes, your face drops as she turns and eyes the book on your bedside table with a smirk.

"You read romance?" She stifles a laugh poorly.

"Yes and what? Can you even read?" She chuckles and you mumble under your breath "idiot"

"Wow you really are a virgin aren't you?" You eyes flash up at her as your eyebrows knit together and your face turns to a grimace.

"Why do you assume I'm a virgin because I read romance? Maybe I just enjoy it."

"Ha! Right. I'm assuming you're a virgin because only virgins read romance books." You kick at her and she grabs your sock-covered foot stopping you in your tracks.

"Oh my god Ellie can you go away!"

"No no, not just yet. My curiosity is piqued about this book now." Before you can stop her she's reaching for the book and standing up while flicking through some pages.

"Wait, No Ellie don't." She holds it above your head as you stand, you try and snatch it from her once but it's too far out of your reach, panic takes over as she opens it above her head and begins reading aloud. "Ellie fucking stop!"

"Why? It's just a romance book right? Nothing too... inappropriate." Your cheeks heat and the familiar rage comes back in full force, you look down at her feet and stomp on the left one as hard as you can, she yelps and drops her arms which allows you to grab the book from her grasp and you immediately rush out of your room and into the bathroom, locking the door behind you with a triumphant smile.

"Ow you bitch!" You hear Ellie call after you. As you eye the bathtub you decide now is the perfect time to relax in the tub so you can escape Ellie for awhile and read your book in peace.

You stay in the bath until the sun has completely set and the room is bathed in a silvery glow from the moonlight, you guess you were in there for at least an hour but as you start to shiver from the cooling water you decide to finally leave your refuge. As you climb out of the bath you're horrified when you realise your towel is still in your room.

"Fuck fuck fuck." You had to walk past Ellie's room to get to yours but ultimately you decide you'd have to risk it, you unlock the door and peak out into the hallway to see its empty, you edge the door open and begin quickly creeping to your room, you're almost there but as you go to walk past Ellie's room she walks out at the exact same time walking straight into your naked form.

"AGH OH MY GOD!" Your hands immediately attempt to cover your dignity but its an almost failed attempt as you notice her looking you up and down. "DON'T FUCKING LOOK!" You scream as you run past her to your room so quickly your feet slip a little. You hear her cackling in the hallway as you lean with your back against the door in utter disbelief. "No no noooo that did not just happen." You mumble to yourself as you run a hand over your face.

You try to put the embarrassment past you as you settle into bed before passing out from the sheer exhaustion of the day.

[thedevilsoftruth]

Yellow Light ♡ Shane x Afab Reader

Sumarry: Shane doesn't usually go rough in bed, but he wants to try something a little more different than his usual vanilla style ( but doesn't tell you about it. ).

Warnning: Smut!! Dom! Shane, semi rough sex, PIV, plot? What plot? established ( married) relationship.

Notes: Another writing practice. Just trying to get used to writing Shane lol. I also wrote this in like 30 minutes before I had to go to my taekwondo class, so sorry if there's typos or if it seems rushed.

♡♡♡

Shane wasn't the type to do anything too wild in bed. He just couldn't keep up with that sort of thing. He'd run out of energy quickly, and he just honestly liked something a lot more passionate and slow so he could savor his time with you. But he had been married to you for almost five years. And ever since he married you, he had been getting a lot more exercise with helping out with the farm animals, especially as of late. He was eating a lot better and just becoming a lot better of a person in general.

And because he was with you for such a long time, he knew his way around you and your body. He was your husband, and you were far from familiar to his sexual behaviors and habits. He was the same with you, too. You both had sex regularly, at least once or twice every two months, maybe a bit more than that.

So when he had you in bed that night and seemed a lot more energetic than usual, it came off as a bit of a surprise. It wasn't horrible. It was just different.

He was midway through your session together, and he was holding up strongly as if he had just started a couple of minutes ago. His face was buried into your neck, his hands pinning you down and gripping the satin black sheets underneath you as he pumped harsh thrusts into you. You were dripping with sweat, your nails digging into his back, and your legs wrapped around his waist, clinging onto him for dear life as if you were on the edge of a skyscraper. You were panting, endless moan leaving your lips as he gave you exactly what you never thought you needed.

You hadn't made a comment on it that night, waiting for him to slow down or bottom out towards the end like he usually did, but that hadn't happened yet. You weren't sure if you were going to be able to put up with the pacing, but you gave it a few minutes juat to see what he would do. He didn't seem to be slowing down or getting tired at all, and he didn't seem to want to. In fact, he seemed to be getting faster.

At the start of your session, he was taking things slow. He got you started with foreplay. He was slow when he actually began to fuck you. But that was all stripped away when he got towards the end of your session.

" Shane... ugn... s- slow--dow..n " you choked out, your voice broken and almost inaudible. Shane was too busy attacking your neck with harsh kisses and thrashing himself into you to turn his full attention to you. He looked at you, his eyes dark and nodded with nothing but pure and utter desire.

" What was that, honey? Gonna have to speak up. " He teased with a wide grin, returning his attention to your neck as his thrusts somehow got even faster. You choked on a moan and cried out at the sudden movement, your pussy fluttering at his words and aching for more.

" I said slo-ow down. " You moaned, your eyes rolling into the back of your head and your fingers digging deeper into his skin. You were so fucked out of your mind that talking was an issue and you could barely think straight. You couldn't remember the last time he had made you feel that way, let alone if he had ever made you feel that way at all.

" Too much? You seem to be loving it. " You could hear his smirk in the way he spoke. His voice was hoarse but confident, his thrusts getting a bit sloppy but still remaining at the same strong pace. Your bottom lip sinked into your teeth, and your legs jerked when he hit a spot that sent waves of pleasure running through you. He gave your ass a light smack and pulled away fron your neck to look at you.

" Use your words, baby. What do you want? " He told you, lowering his hand between your legs and rubbing your clit with his thumb, immediately causing your to buck your hips at the contact.

" Slower... go slower, " You begged, fluttering your eyes shut and your abdomen feeling the same burning sensation it always got when you were about to reach your peak. He noticed it too with the way your core was clenching onto him.

" I don't want to. But if that's what you want, then I'll give it to 'ya. " He said, slowing his pacing to make things more comfortable for you. It was only until the moment he slowed down that you came undone around him. He followed shortly after, filling you to the brim amd keeping your stuffed with his cock for a while as he tried to catch his breath.

" That was... " You were speechless. He'd never dome anything like that to you, and now... it was like he was a completely different person. He grinned.

" Just trying something new. "

[vacantfields]

[Beneath the smile]

When you first find out about Eclipse's existence, you're... Well, you don't know what to think.

You were cleaning up the boys' room while they took care of the daycare; it was nice of them to take on the bigger tasks, especially since you had been so tired this week. You were picking up papers from the floor when you noticed something odd... A drawing? It was right underneath the table, beneath the heaps of art supplies and whatever else Sun could manage to gather.

You kneeled down on the soft carpet you had gotten them that one Christmas a year ago and pulled the paper out; it looked a couple of years old. You could tell by the dried... Blood? Oh. You tried to keep your mind off of that for a moment as you then looked at the picture. "Super Eclipse... And Cody bestest best friends forever..." You read aloud; you could tell it was written and drawn by a very young child, and you frowned. "Eclipse?" you questioned as you stood up to put the drawing on the table. You have heard the name Eclipse around here before, but you couldn't remember if you had ever seen or heard about him.

As you try to remember while looking at the drawing on the table in front of you, your hands are on the table as you're leaning over. The blood on the drawing is concerning, too, but before you can think further about it, you feel two large and robotic arms wrap around you, and you let out a surprised noise as you're lifted.

"Hello, little starlight~!" Moon purred against your jaw as he held you to his chest; you hadn't heard Moon come up here. "You looked so serious, almost like one of those detectives from your silly stories." He chuckled as he placed a soft kiss on your cheek, which made you smile and giggle just a tiny bit, before putting you back on your feet. His hands went to his hips. "So what's up?" Moon asked with his teasing grin.

You turn to look up at the tall and handsome android. "Well... I was cleaning up-." Moon nodded his head. "As you wanted to do," he added. "As I wanted to do," you replied with a snort before glancing behind you at the child's drawing on the wooden table, your small smile gone from your lips. "Who... Is Eclipse, Moon?"

You felt like all the air had left the room; everything felt tense and hostile. You were about to ask again when you looked up at Moon and saw his eyes were firmly on you. "Who told you about that name? Who said it to you?" His voice sounded angry and terrified. Maybe hurt... Even grieving, in a way. "No one told me!" You responded hastily before standing aside. "it says Eclipse on this drawing here, and I just wondered..." You gestured with a hand to the drawing.

Moon stepped closer to the table to take a look, and you heard his fans whirr loudly in his chest, his face plate spinning once before settling. "It's old. Do not pry, and don't ask again. Starlight. Is that understood?"

You had never heard him talk like that to you before, but you nodded before remembering he wasn't looking at you, so you spoke. "Yes. Sorry, Moonie. I didn't mean to pry." Moon hummed in response. "I think you should go down and clean with Sunny for a while, Stargazer," he said with a small smile. It looked like he was about to break. Or snap.

You frowned but hummed. "Alright, Moonie." You decided not to poke Moon more about it but hoped maybe you could ask Sun. You left the room through the secret door and went down the stairs. As you got down to the bottom of the stairs, you heard things get thrown around in their room or maybe moved around. You couldn't tell.

You will figure out who Eclipse is, hopefully, through Sun.

[multiverse-imagines]

A/N: Haha! I'm alive, I swear! Have this thing I made!

Bad Omen

Millions Knives x Reader (not romantic, but could in in sequels, idk yet)

(TriMax/98 adjacent, not biblically accurate)

I don't think I remember much from the destruction of July. I couldn't have been more than 3 of 4 at the time; That's hardly a time most people have memories of. I don't remember the face of my parents, what their voices sound like, though I still think I hear it on the wind of those chilly desert nights. That's not my point, though.

The earliest memory I have is of a man who I don't know, and have seen a few times since. He was a tall blond man, his face was so serene… yet there was a fury behind it. I can never remember where I was, or what I was doing, but I remember his lean figure that I spotted underneath his tan cloak, he had clothes unlike I'd ever seen before. White, skin tight, and the boots seemed to go all the way up from what I could see. My eyes were wide at the sheer power that seemed to flow off of him… and I watched as he walked away. That's the whole memory.

I'm not sure how I survived the blast that seemed to take over the entire town. I lost my right arm from the elbow down, and I still have knee problems from the brick wall that nearly crushed me. As I recovered in a nearby hospital, not really knowing how I got there, I couldn't help but make myself remember that man. That strange blond man… When the officers came by, asking about a blond man in a long coat, I said that I'd seen him. When they showed me a picture, though, the hair was all wrong, the face was all happy and goofy. That wasn't the guy I saw.

When I tried to explain to them that this wasn't the guy, they didn't take the word of a toddler. No surprise, honestly. They said this man was called Vash the Stampede, but I knew, in my heart, that that wasn't the name of the man I saw that day. The man who had full intentions of ending the city of July that day.

These days I can't help but keep an eye out for him. Vash or the mystery man. Why had The Stampede been in the same place as the other on that day? Did the man I saw have something to do with it? I felt it in my bones that he did… The man of my memories had gone to meet The Stampede… it's just part of the fury I distinctly remembered… His gaze both haunts me and motivates me. I feel like I have to find him, I thought, shortly after my ninth birthday.

When I was ten, I ran away from the orphanage. I had done all I could to stock up on a couple of canteens of water, plenty of snacks, and I even managed to swipe an old pocket knife from one of the people who worked there.

From there, I found a home wherever someone would take pity on me. My first home taught me how to shoot a gun, gifting me a small pistol, and he taught me the importance of only taking a life when it was absolutely necessary. After the man died trying to quell a bar fight, I moved on to the next town. I lived with a woman who’d lost her son within the past few years, but I quickly grew tired of her coddling, so I packed my bag and left before I turned 13. It was about that time, when I saw something incredible. I had been making a little money cleaning tables in a restaurant of some town when I saw him. The guy. The guy I had seen all those years ago. He hadn't aged a day, and still walked with that serene bloodlust.

If it weren't for the fact that my entire body was frozen in place, I would have run after him. It was so odd. I didn't fear him, I guess, but… something in his walk was telling my instincts that I should not be near him. Once he was out of sight, I fell over, taking the small pile of dishes I'd been carrying with me. It's okay I had been fired that day because… well that town didnt exist by the time my next shift would have started. I saw a second blond man who wore a long red coat, the one from the wanted posters, The Stampede. I had been on my way out of town when I saw him, and I had a strange feeling that with those two in the same vicinity, the town wouldn't last much longer.

Another few years passed, and most people didn't believe my story. A blond man that wasn't the Stampede, bringing death and destruction in his wake. Even with my lost arm, and birthplace of Lost July, no one believed a 15 year old kid. Even those I stayed with hardly believed me.

It had been about 25 years since my hometown was destroyed when I saw the man next. I was making my way through another town, doing some work for a local mover. What did he move? None of your business.

It took every ounce of energy I had to get myself to move my own feet as I felt the familiar paralysis of his presence. I ran in his direction, being careful to approach.

“H-Hey!” I said as nonthreateningly as I could, not wanting to spook, who I believed to be, the real typhoon. The calm before the storm, maybe. He stopped walking, and turned to look at me. The amount of disdain in his eyes, as if I was nothing more than a worm in his presence… It was terrifying.

“What do you want?” He asked curtly, but I could hear his annoyance.

“I… I r-remember you…” I managed to stammer out, “F-From July…” I did my best to explain, but he was… even scarier up close than from a distance. He glanced me over, noticing my prosthetic arm, and a ghost of a smile shadowed across his face, as if revisiting a memory, or an old friend.

“I see… a little pest like you has survived this long… astounding…” he whispered. A long pause stretched between us. Who was this man? Why was he here?

“Every time I see you… the town gets destroyed… will that be… the case this time?” I was still petrified to speak to him. His eyes burned into mine despite its cool color.

“Perhaps.” He spoke bluntly.

“And… Vash the Stampede… did he really destroy July? Or was it you?” I managed to ask the question that had been burning in my brain for a quarter of a century.

“It was him, indeed… he just…needed a little coaxing to destroy those pests…” his voice was like Bourbon, and yet the malice he held towards these pests, who I expected was humanity, was more than just an aftertaste. If he hated humanity this badly… was he human himself, or something else? Was the Humanoid Typhoon only Humanoid as well?

“I… I see…” my eyes lowered to the ground. I kind of wanted him to be the one who destroyed my home, casting me into this life of wandering the sands, and phantom pains of memories I no longer own, “Do you… cause him to destroy?” I asked, wondering if he was merely the eye of the storm I had also theorized, the bad omen of destruction that no one noticed pass by them before The Stampede left a city in rubble.

“I do whatever I can to make him see how useless it all is… so he can finally stop resisting me, and rule this planet alongside me, in an Eden not meant for likes of you.” He said curtly. I got the feeling he was becoming… impressed, with how much I was able to fathom speaking with him. I could tell he was getting bored with our conversation, and he was beginning to walk away without so much as a goodbye.

“Who is The Stampede to you?” I managed to blurt out without thinking. I’d never met The Stampede before, but I needed to know how the two coincide together.

“He's my brother.” The man continued walking, as if he had somewhere to be… as if the show was about to begin.

I booked it out of that town, trying my best not to run through the sand, as it would only slow my pace with its inconsistent traction.

The Stampede passed by, this time, a few people with him. A man in black with a large cross, and two ladies, one short one tall. I had to say something. Anything to tell him. That his brother was there. I wracked my brain as I saw them approach, and I finally managed to say something as I passed, still eager to get as far away from Augusta as I could.

“It's a bad day for a family reunion, Sir.” I glanced up to the orange spectacles of The Stampede. His gaze grew dark, as if my message had gotten through.

Once night had fallen, I saw a massive light in the sky, and I saw it hit the fifth Moon, casting a giant crater in it. The phantom pain in my arm told me all I needed to know. Augusta was no more.

[aus1406]

An Impossible Promise

*Timeskip, during the recess time*

There she is, hanging out with her friends. As I'm just sitting alone here from afar, chewing on my bread as lunch. Although she invited me before, it feels vulnerable to be among people that might think I'm weird for being a loner most of the time, so I politely reject.

Suddenly..

Those thoughts came again into my mind. I couldn't help but to overthink it everytime. God, my mind is so messed up right now, which I woke up to my reality with my bread fell to the ground. Oh well, there goes my lunch..

Myself, filled with boredom, are just walking around through the school ground. Where everyone is running around playing tags, chatting, even some couples are dating under the blue sky.

Again, sit by myself under a tree with a swing, as I slowly sing my favourite song

*But now you hold me in the darkness, Hold me 'til it hurts less, you~*

*Tell me that I'm alright, Show me where the light shines through~*

*Please-*

A sudden voice came in, join me singing the song, as I turn back and see her again, which we both proceeds to finish with an unexpected duet

*Please, stay..love me through the weather*

*Please, say..this will be forever*

*Hold me in the darkness, Even when it's hard with you*

*It's a little bit, little bit better*

She smiles cheerfully like a kid..ahhhh just the same smile I first encountered ten years ago..

"I'm still surprised you remember the song I gave to you, do you really like it?" She asked

Well..of course I do, it is from you, as I just nodded my head which she pats my head.

"You know you need to socialise for people to like you, right? So why are you here alone?" nags a bit, but i like it, as I stay silent just to hear her voice again and again

"Always being quiet as you are! Hey are you even listening?" punches my shoulder lightly as instead of feeling hurt, its just feeling..funny?

"Oh well, you seems to always leave me out huh? Okay then." She tries to left as I finally build up words to say..

"Hey, can I pour something to you?"

"Hm? what is it?" She seems puzzled

"Let's meet somewhere with no people."

"No. Just talk it here, I'm too tired to-"

"I like you."

"I like every parts of you, your personality, your eyes, your lips, your childish, your accompany.. I like everything of you, I know behind all of those smiles you've been through such pain that even I couldn't bear. But a pain that I could endure is the pain to share with you, or even the pain of yours. I couldn't help but to hold this feelings. But truly, I love you. I want to give you the best of my heart and keep the worst in the past, just for the future of you and me. I'm sorry.."

"I'm sorry if after this we become distant.. I'm sorry if after this we become awkward and out of words.. I'm sorry if the past and the present we're living is ruined because of me.. I'm sorry I failed to keep myself as no one but just a best friend.."

At that moment, my heart beats faster, the fastest as I could say, to be this nervous is a different type. Felt like adrenaline inside me going to burst out of embarassment.

Until I felt your touch.. as somehow my blood rushes to my face, giving the red pigment of blushes, as you said..

"Will you repeat those words, maybe in five years later?"

My heart stopped for a bit, speechless and confusion fill in me slowly.

"I don't believe in those words anymore, and you already know why, right? It might not easy to claim my heart, but let's see how it goes. Okay? Let's wait first." As she once again letting out a smile..

A smile that glued into my heart as always. Yet this one seems mixed of disbelief, surprises and a lot of hidden emotions kept unveiled..

*RIIIIINGGGGG*

The bell rings again, as I started to get worried.

I want to live in this moment, even in such curiosity and awkwardness.

"Want to go to class together?" She lend out her hand as I took a glance on your hand before looking at you, which I tightly grab it.

"Let's go.." We both once again sprints through the hallway to the class, as our status remain unknown

But I promise..

I will wait for you, try my best just for your heart to be gained, to gain all your trust, to give the best version of myself, to live in this despair world with this beautiful you. An angel like you deserves better than me, but a peasant like me shall created paper wings just to be with you. Even if it seems in possible.

Share every of your pain, your traumas, your pasts, your joy, your silliness, your tenderness, your anger, I want to feel and bare it

Seems like an impossible promise..

But even a chance as an atom size, I shall seize.

As I don't ever want to lose the warmth in this cold of world..

I will show my love, all of my heart to be poured..

Just for you.

As today is the mark of my journey to embarks.

[thisaintascenereviews]

Don't Listen To Critics: Why Music Criticism Is (Almost) Pointless

Give or take a decade ago, I was what you would call a "music critic." I was always really into music, and after awhile, I found myself really analyzing it and dissecting the stuff I listened to. I would read Alternative Press when it was relevant, and I would visit Absolute Punk when it was around, which would inspire me to want to write my own after seeing people publish theirs. I started by writing on Facebook, and then after awhile, I got the opportunity to write for a couple of sites, but I also posted them on a relatively popular Facebook page I ran with my best friend around a decade ago. I had a lot of fun doing that, but within the last few years, I got very tired, jaded, and bored with writing reviews. I just lost all of my passion for it. Eventually, I would come back to writing in late 2021 and early 2022, but it took me a few years to get back the inspiration and motivation to write anything. I wasn't going to write as much as I used to, because if you remember, I would listen to ten albums in any given week and write about all of them. It was way too much to keep up with, and I just got so burnt out, I quit. Being removed from the "music critic sphere," and ultimately just writing about stuff whenever I see fit, even if it's once a week or once every other week, has opened my eyes and been very freeing over the last year, but I've thought a lot about my days as being apart of that community, and I've come to the conclusion that critics don't really matter.

There's nothing adherently wrong with music critics, and if you yourself are one, or you follow them on YouTube or other platforms, that's fine, but what is their purpose? When I used to write reviews, I always felt as though a review was like a persuasive essay; I was to persuade the reader to feel the same way as I do about an album, whether I liked it, loved it, or hated it. Nowadays, though, that thinking is all wrong, because I don't care if someone feels the same way I do, nor do I want to change peoples' minds. I noticed that a lot of critics tend to want people to feel the same way they do, almost to get their readers or viewers to validate their opinions. The opposite is true as well, because a lot of fans will only watch or read a certain critic, because they like and/or dislike the same things, but if they disagree, they feel betrayed and invalidated. Most people understand that opinions are something we all share, and they're all different, but certain music fans are very fickle and defensive over things they like, almost like they take an obsession or ownership of that band or artist. People take their fandoms way too personally nowadays, regardless if you're a critic or fan, and validation is something that both sides seem to really crave.

As a writer now (I wouldn't even call myself a critic, honestly), I just write about what I want, whether I enjoy it or not. If I have enough to say about an album, I'll talk about it. Critics, especially when I was writing a lot more, tend to listen to anything and everything, especially things that are in the conversation, versus what they really care about. That's why a lot of sites have specific writers for specific genres, because not everyone wants to listen to everything. I couldn't explore what I wanted, because I had a sense of FOMO in terms of the new releases of the week, and I felt as though if I missed out on those, I'd be missing out on what people might have to say, or how people will react to what I think. I felt as though I had to act a certain way, let alone dislike or like certain things, because I wanted to seem "cool" or accepted by people. Critics have a certain reputation to uphold, and if your taste isn't great (taste is subjective, anyway), people aren't going to take you seriously. I was always afraid of that, but these days, I don't care, because I just want to talk about what I want to talk about, regardless of what it is, or what genre it is.

The title of this short little essay is misleading, because critics are important in some respect; they can offer nuanced and interesting takes on things, or they can introduce people to things they otherwise wouldn't hear or see. Validation is still a big part of criticism, I think, because people just want their tastes validated, but at the same time, critics are just people. They're not any more special than you. I'm just a guy, and so is your favorite critic. I think there's a fine line between being a fan and being a critic, because I always wondered if I could be a fan before a critic. Well, I know these days that I definitely am a fan before a critic. I listen to what I enjoy, or I forget about things I don't, and just focus on what I enjoy. I won't only be positive to everything I talk about, because I might have thoughts one way or another, but I don't feel pressured to listen to things I don't otherwise care about. It's a very freeing feeling. I felt so exhausted by having to keep up with everything, versus what I wanted to, and that's what burnt me out. Feeling like I needed to hear everything, and that's impossible. By having only a few albums that I'm listening to in any given week, versus ten or fifteen, I can spend much more time with them and have more to say, versus only spending a couple of listens with a lot of things.

If you watch or read reviews, or you're a critic yourself, I hope I didn't offend you in any way, and if I did, I'd look a little deeper as to why you're offended, because I'm not saying just merely talking about music is bad. It's the constant validation that both critics and their fans tend to have towards one another, as music fans want to be accepted by their favorite critics, but critics also want to be accepted by their fans, and it's how much a lot of critics tend to listen to, especially if they want to keep up with the zeitgeist. It's almost impossible to do just that. There's more of a nuanced conversation to have, I'm sure, but these are just some quick thoughts on the subject. I wanted the title to be a more provocative, even though I don't totally feel that way (although I do to an extent, since I don't take critics as seriously as I used to, being that I don't let them dictate my tastes, nor would I want anyone to dictate their taste based on what I have to say). I love writing about music, and I love the way that I do now, because I don't feel burnt out anymore. I wouldn't call myself a critic anymore, I'm just a writer that talks about music.

[mcmcntomorii-later]

Christmas in the past for Leon, had been a rather lonely holiday, he used to remember the old days, when he was alone on the holidays, sometimes friends would come over, and while it was normally an enjoyable visit, after everyone left, it would always be him again. Thankfully, ten years ago, all those lonely holidays finally came to an end when life has graced him with the chance to meet Ito Mukuro, ever since, his life had taken a drastic change in the right direction for Leon, after the failed relationship with Ada Wong (If he could even call it a relationship to begin with) love seemed like something he would never have, until Mukuro came into his life, forever changing his perspective on things, it made him believe, that even someone like him, could find true happiness, and the past ten wonderful years had been solid proof of that.

Leon's work schedule was something that often got into the way, and he hated keeping Mukuro waiting, but when the world was a crazy place, full of several bioterror-maniacs, it was hard to say when he'd be sent into action next. The distance was hard sometimes, but with the coming new year right around the corner, Leon had made plans to ask for a lighter work schedule the moment he'd be heading back to HQ about a week after the holiday breaks end.

With all the hard work he'd done for the DSO over the years, he had a feeling they would be more willing to give him a more lighter work schedule now, the reputation he had at work also helped, so he was confident that they would hear him out, he was tired of being away from Mukuro for months onto more months, and at this age now, Leon preferred to relax more and actually be able to have quality time together with Mukuro, no matter what, he was going to ensure that the two of them would be together more often, that was a promise.

To show his appreciation for all the love she had given him throughout the decade, even when they were apart, during the most difficult times, she still stayed with him, waited for him every single time he got called into action, a woman like her, who would remain by her husbands side even with a very hectic work schedule that kept him away much too often, still, Mukuro was always there, he couldn't be any happier to have such a truly phenomenal woman in his life, he felt like the luckiest man alive, she was the bright star to his night sky, the ying to his yang, and most importantly, the heart to his soul.

Leon had taken the liberty of placing an order for her gift ahead of time about two weeks an advance to Christmas so it would arrive on the day before, and when he got the call, he picked it up on his lunch break, keeping the gift well hidden until tonight. After their dinner, the couple had watched a movie and just enjoyed spending the holiday evening together. Once the clock struck midnight, Leon removed his arm from around Mukuro, softly telling her to give him a sec as he got up from the couch, disappearing behind the bedroom door for about three to five minutes before stepping out with something clasp in his right hand. Taking a seat on the couch, he joins Mukuro's side again, blue eyes staring deeply into her beautiful golden eyes.

[{ ☣ }] - "Hold out your hand Mukuro, got somethin' for you." The moment she holds out her hand, he places in her hand a medium-small-sized black jewelry box with elegant designs on the cover, Inside the box was a Ruby Diamond Square Pendant Necklace that came with two Diamond Square Dangle Earrings.

Upon a closer inspection on the Ruby Pendant, she would be able to see an engraving on the Ruby itself. it read: Leon & Mukuro Always & Forever

[{ ☣ }] - "I love you Mu-Mu, and Merry Christmas." Giving her a warm smile, eyes still staring into hers, he leans in, locking lips with her, savoring the moment, and this very special kiss.

@chxckandmxte

If Mukuro was honest about things, she wouldn't have imagined she would have lived this long, she never imagined that she would be in a ten year long relationship with someone, let alone be married too, but here she was。 Holidays were always something that Mukuro had dreaded before now, having typically spent them alone or with a very brief one-night stand。 Which was tragic considering how much Mukuro loves Christmas and this time of year。

But now, Mukuro was in a much happier place in her life。 Married to someone she loves deeply and that loves her back just as much。

Despite typically not being a very patient person, Mukuro was really only patient when it came to Leon's hectic schedule。 She'll have the occasional complaint of course, but overall she'll always wait for him to return。

After a great meal, Mukuro cozily tucked herself against his side as they watched a movie。 Once the film had ended and Mukuro was going to ask if they wanted to watch another film or if he had something else in mind, when he stated that to give him a sec, she assumed he was running off to the bathroom and didn't think much of it until he returned with something in his hand。

There was a questioning look as she watched him return to his spot on the couch。 Were they not already married, Mukuro would have thought that what he had in his hand was a ring。 When he instructed to hold out her hand, Mukuro nodded and did just that。

There was a soft gasp when she opened up the jewelry box he had placed in her hand。 Mukuro would have a gentle hand as she took out the pieces of jewelry to look them over, her eyes tearing up with happiness as she read over the engraving。

「Oh Leon~ It's fantastic, thank you so much~」 Mukuro said with a bright smile, 「I love you too, Merry Christmas,」 she adds in a soft whisper just before their lips touched。

【 christmas asks 】 ♡ 【 tentatively accepting 】

[millennialmusings]

On Humility & Being Triggered

So, life constantly humbles me in my 30's it feels. For the past approximately 2 years or so, I had to come to terms with and navigate through codependency I had with my childhood best friend. I feel like I lost so many of my good years. I made sure she was good before me. I thought that was what good friendship was-"best-friendship".

I saw everything in technicolor once I realized.

That hammer came down and came down hard. I remember during a session in therapy, my therapist "Dr. D", told me, "You have to make a decision. Will you keep this relationship in your life?" And I said yes. It was a hard decision to make.

It's hard for so many reasons. I am constantly being triggered. Sometimes things feel like old times, and then I am reminded that they are not. Or, like tonight, I am reminded of past moments where I sacrificed my time, that no longer happen, because she is preoccupied. It is frustrating because I feel like I SHOULD be relieved. It felt exhausting being ever-present until she was tired. So why am I upset? I know it is because I feel resentful.

I have to grieve the whole family. I was so close to her family. I used to call them my "second-family". Those are feelings that I am actively working through. I feel like almost simultaneously, this year, I was constantly reminded that I wasn't family. I wasn't prepared for that. So I feel like I am grieving all over again. It makes me reflect on so much. I have family, but we aren't close. Should I have spent my years repairing? Was I being used? What relationships do I prioritize? Should I prioritize?

I very often want to isolate as my solution, until it was called to my attention that that was my generational curse. I watched my mom get her feelings hurt, then clam up. That is how I want to be. "No one can hurt me if I don't put myself out there." But, inherently, I know that isn't healthy. I feel like if I knew things were going to pan out this way, I would not have been as devoted as a friend. It sounds awful, I know. But it's true. Like I mentioned before, I have had kittens for a couple weeks. I plan to return them Saturday. And of course, people have said "Just keep them!" and of course, I have caught feelings. As frustrating as they can be at times, I look forward to seeing them every day and I am definitely attached. So maybe it is good to give them away. To allow myself to feel comfortable with losing things that make me feel "love". It sounds like a stretch, but it makes sense to me.

I think what frustrates me the most is that I got the short end of the stick. I was the person "replaced". She didn't have to learn what I learned from the experience. And I went from thinking that the ball was "going to drop" to processing that no ball will drop at all. That this can just be a lesson she will never learn. And I feel guilty being upset at that, because she has gone through some heavy trauma. But through the trauma, I was there, at the expense of everyone else.

I know that growth is not linear. I know that I HAVE grown in the past couple years. Just a few days ago, I felt on top of the world. But how quickly all that can come down with one small trigger. I think on a good day I can turn everything into positive fuel. This evening I couldn't. I literally feel like "I can't believe she got away with it." And I know her well. There is "a lot" I feel like she gets away with. However, again, I CHOSE to keep her friendship. So I cannot harp on the issue and still choose to be friends.

Ugh. It's all so frustrating. How do you love and care for someone so deeply and resent them at the same time?

[moonstonehailstorm]

Farewell, hopefully

The last time I did this kind of rants was to kill the crush, and take her out of my system for once and for all. And it worked. So, I salute you this time, this is for you.

You made me cry yesterday. And sadly, it was not the only time. Hopefully, it will be the last. Our rant was also not the only one. But I've noticed this pattern from which I've quit up until the last 5 years almost. Because I noticed that when I say something you don't like, you react badly. I have to anticipate how you are going to answer. And it's honestly exhausting.

Yesterday, I went down a spiral of things I started to remember from other times. You hate whenever we talk about how you love and approach other people, but you don't mind sending me ridiculous posts about people criticizing diversity, when you very well know I'm part of the LGBTQ+ community, and that I'm an ally in many ways. You don't like to talk about it, and I just have to accept it with a "I have other friends who laugh at this". And I can't say anything.

I was also thinking that... What would happen if I was the person who posted the story with a wholesome message from a friend instead? I know you would also react, but BADLY. With your damn jealousy, reclaiming something you never wanted. You've always possitively rejected any form of love and care from me. And I just had to accept your terms. "We are not like that. Don't tell anyone we're best friends. You know, and I know, but don't say it". Okay.

I wish this was new... But this has been going on for years. And I noticed something too, from this dettachement I've been doing: you give me the awful glances ever. It's been several times now that when I say something you don't agree with or don't like or whatever the hell it's going on in your brain, you just glance at me with the coldest, harshest eyes. But last week, I couldn't take it anymore, and I exploded in front of everyone and said "please, can you give me an even more AWFUL glance?!" Because I felt the fear running through my body that I was saying something you didn't like and wondered "what am I saying that it's wrong...?" But why?? Why the fuck should I refrain myself? And you laughed afterwards and changed your face immediately, because we were with a group of people. You make me feel sometimes that you don't like me at all.

I'm tired... Because there's no point to talk to you about all of this. I've tried several times: once, both of us drunk, it didn't go well. A couple other times, you denied it and said I was wrong or exaggerating. And several others making jokes, that I'm not sure if they're jokes anymore.

This friendship is worn out. You know this. I know this. But you want to keep going on for whatever reason. You've broken my heart several times, and I just keep letting you. You've abused me. I'm scared of you. You made me cry for the last time yesterday and I'm begging to the universe it's the last. I want you out of my heart. You've overstayed and I'm not happy anymore. You make me feel insecure all the damn time. And it's already showing... More people are now noticing how you treat me, without saying them anything. Up until then, I thought it was normal. I thought that's how a friendship should go, and that's how love between friends looks like. And I got tired of letting you. I step down for the first time 5 years ago. Now, I'm planning to leave completely.

I'm not going to lie, this hurts as hell... But I guess it would hurt more if I stay.

But I genuinely wonder... Am I going to keep silent and accommodating to you for the rest of our lives just to keep you on edge? So when does that stupid cycle of passive aggressiveness and bickering stop?

You're clinging to something it's not there anymore for several years now. And I regret pushing you to say something you clearly never wanted. You want everything and anything at the same time. You want all of my heart while crushing it all at once. This is insane.

And believe me, I'm aware that maybe I've done several awful stuff to you as well so you keep reacting to me like that. Maybe I hurt you and you never told me. Maybe I've been annoying, maybe I've been a bad friend. Maybe you're only used to me and it's for the sake of early years that you keep talking to me. Maybe we keep together because we miss the early years at school... Maybe I've provoked all of this and I don't know how... I'm very well aware this goes both ways and probably you have many things you're tired of me as well. But I'll never know, because you refuse to talk.

So... Yesterday was the last time you made me cry. It might have been my fault somehow, I don't know... But that was the last time.

Goodbye, dear friendship. You broke me for the last time.

[w1ll0w-tree]

I'm The Last Man Alive

TW! Death, body horror, isolated character, end of the world, religion?

~

The world had finally come to an end.

No cars passed me as I walked along the empty roads. Dust kicked up from the wind and filled my lungs, though I was too tired to cough and too careless to worry for my lungs.

I remember reaching out for a hand, but instead of a handshake, I slammed the person to the ground, and their head came off with ease.

I stared at their rotten skin peeling off and being eaten by maggots; their bones creaked, and I watched as their eyes looked left and right.

I listened to the groans and ones that surrounded me; the sound began to drive me mad. I mean, it had been years of hearing the same sounds—glass breaking, groans, moans—but never my own voice.

I hadn't spoken in over three years with no one to talk to; what was there to talk about?

My throat was sore, and I was sure I couldn't speak even if I tried.

So I walked.

Along the dirt roads, passing by bodies and empty buildings and abandoned cars, the rotten smell had become invisible to me, and my tired eyes had begun to stare blankly at the ground.

I remember when it all started: I sat with my girlfriend on the couch, laying on her lap, asleep. It was a peaceful day—no nightmares, no panic attacks, just peace and quiet.

Suddenly she tapped my shoulder, then she shook me, and then she screamed. I sat up to the same scent of moldy bread or a huge landfill. It was our neighborhood, a young teen who had just moved in a week ago, yet this time his clothes were ragged and his face had been ripped in half.

I didn't hesitate to punch him as I heard our dogs barking like mad. My girlfriend ran to the door and begged for them to come in. As I checked the window, I heard nothing.

Her screaming came to a sudden halt, even before the barking stopped. I ran to the front only to see a crowd of people eating her body like a Thanksgiving meal, and our dogs were terrified, hiding under the tree in the front yard.

I watched as they ripped the skin from her face and the hair from her head, stuffing their mouths like starving children.

The days afterwards were loud and unsettling. I thank God that our dogs were well trained and stayed by my side.

The people I met just outside of town were nice enough to let me stay with them and even give me weapons and food.

Till they were killed, and somehow, I survived.

I sat once again, watching as the zombies ate as if it were their last meal. I begged them; it hadn't spread too far, and somehow there were people.

Now I was alone. The city was barren in minutes, and the hope I once had was dwindling away.

I gathered what they had given me and held onto it with dear life. A pistol, a bag of food, and a couple bandages were all I had in my name.

Now I had nothing—more guns, more food—but still nothing to my name.

I'd watch as money would be taken by the wind, and I'd remember how someone would chase it like a dream and probably get hit by a car, but now that hundred-dollar bill could cost less only being worth something if it could keep a fire lit.

The lands I traveled upon were recognizable at times, but no one passed by me with a-

"Good morning!"

Or.

"Hello sir!"

Just silence.

At times when the nights were quiet, there was no groaning or moaning. I could finally sit and think, Is it finally time to give up?

My dreams had become more vivid, showing faint images of the sunset and then the sunrise, and I'd feel no pain, just peace, and then I'd wake with a smile.

I think I'll do it. I think I'll finally accept death with open arms. I mean, I haven't heard another person in what feels like twenty years.

I might settle over my small camp, and I smiled.

Sunrise.

I stood on my feet minutes before the sun came to the sky, and I went to a hill. I bore no weapons, no bandages, and no food.

Just me.

I swear, as I stared at the dark sky, I could see the gods of many religions questioning why one man stood before them while all the rest had fallen. They sent the grim reaper after me, and he followed the trail I left behind. He stared at the bodies with no souls still moving along the dirt roads, and yet he couldn't find the one soul the gods told him of.

But instead of him finding me, I called out to death and grabbed his synth, holding it to my neck,

And I screamed.

The groans and moans came closer, being called by my voice. They begged for blood, flesh, and bone.

And as they climbed on me, I smiled. I felt no pain as they ripped skin from muscle and as they tore muscle from bone.

I hoped they'd eat me whole and leave nothing behind.

"I was the last man alive."

[morganofthewildfire]

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Same Time Thursday - part 30

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masterlist

~7k words

CW: brief implications of pedophilia, brief mentions of domestic abuse

an: it's here everyone, the last chapter 😭 there'll be an epilogue coming but this is officially the end of STT. Thank you to everyone who's been on this journey with me, it's been such a remarkable and angsty ride and I'm grateful to everyone who stuck it out and is now here with me.

I couldn't have done it without you all ❤️

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Aelin Ashryver Galathynius was tired of the stupid work events her parents made her go to. All she wanted to do was stay at home and dive back into the book she’d been reading, about an assassin who was secretly a lost princess, and the lonely prince who helped her find her way home. But - her parents had a different idea of what she should do with her day, particularly her mom.

She’d already told them multiple times she didn’t want to do anything with real estate, but they’d brushed her off, pretending to accept her decision. Because she still had to go to these mind numbing events.

They barely paid attention to her at all, but when they did, it was always something about work. Work, work, work. Was there nothing else in life?

At least she got to show off her new hoop earrings. Her mom had finally relented, and for her fourteenth birthday, she’d finally gotten a pair. It’d taken long enough. Most of the girls at school already had multiple piercings, and she’d only just gotten her first a couple of years ago. Not that she really cared what they thought, though she knew that was a lie.

She was already an outcast because of her family and her money, however backward that seemed. But the end of the school year party she was going to throw was going to change that. She’d use her money to make them like her. 

That would show Kaltain. And maybe be just enough to get the attention of a certain black haired blue eyed boy in her language arts class. Dorian was going to the same high school as her next year, so maybe then things would change. 

“And this is my daughter, Aelin,” her dad was saying in front of her, and Aelin pasted a smile on her face, ready to be introduced to the hundredth coworker of the day. It all went completely over her head, she didn’t remember a single name of a single person she’d met, but it didn’t matter anyway. They were all old people, closer to her parents’ age. And after she was passed around and chatted about, she’d never see any of them again.

“She’s about to finish up middle school, but it’s never too early to get involved in real world business, right Aelin?” Her mom said, gesturing her forward a bit with her hand on her back, and she forced herself to keep her smile up.

“Right,” she muttered, trying to sound pleasant. There was clearly some sort of businessman in some sort of generic suit in front of her, but she was watching the photographer snap a picture of a few people conversing at the food table, wishing she could be over there. Aelin wasn’t sure why the convention had a photographer, but she guessed it was just some marketing thing. 

Whatever. 

“This is Arobynn Hamel,” her dad said to her, and she looked over at him, blinking once. Did he actually think she cared? She just wanted to go home. “Mr. Hamel worked at our company for a few years, but now has his own.”

“Cool,” she said, not knowing what else he wanted from her. 

“Aelin,” her mom admonished under her breath. But a deep chuckle just filled the awkward silence. 

“It’s no matter, Mrs. Galathynius,” that same deep voice said, and she finally glanced up at the person in front of her, briefly seeing dark red hair and steely gray eyes. “Not too interested in the business then, Miss Galathynius?”

She blinked, glancing away again before looking back. The photographer had moved, but those chocolate croissants were still calling her name. “I’m exploring other options,” she said blandly. 

“That’s a very diplomatic way to say no,” Mr. Hamel said lightly, with a small chuckle. And she didn’t know what to say to that, so she just stayed quiet, letting the adults take the conversation back over, fidgeting on her feet as she scanned the rest of the room.

But she still felt eyes on her and she shivered a bit uncomfortably. And she didn’t look up to meet them. Instead she just eyed the dessert again, wondering if she could sneak off and grab some. 

Her phone buzzed in her pocket, and she went to reach for it, wondering if it was maybe Dorian. But before she could look at it, she was interrupted by her mom’s arm scooping around her waist, guiding her to pose for a picture. Guess the photographer made his way over to them.

Aelin leaned into her mother, pasting another fake smile on her face, barely noticing as Mr. Hamel slid into place next to her, politely setting his hand on her back for the photo. She could feel his skin slightly through her thin blouse, and she stiffened just a little bit.

But soon enough, the photo was done. And soon enough, her parents pulled her into conversation with someone else, and the man drifted off to another group himself. 

Just another person she’d soon forget.

------

“You think what?” Rowan asked, shock clear in his voice. “Pregnant?” 

“Keep your voice down,” she admonished, glancing out the office door. “I don’t know for sure, but it makes sense.” 

And she didn’t know how to feel about it. Rowan was already up and pacing around the room, his anxiety making her own spike.

“I’m nauseous and throwing up,” she began listing, “I’m completely exhausted yet I can’t sleep. It’s everything I experienced last time, and I know it’s not just my reaction to things. This is different.” 

Rowan paused, looking at her. “When was your last cycle?”

She shook her head, standing up. “It was a while ago, but it hasn’t been regular for years. That’s not a good indicator. But trust me, I know what this feels like. It’s exactly the same.”

“So what are you saying?” He asked, his silver brows furrowed. And she took a deep breath.

“I think we need to go get a test,” she said, and he blinked before nodding, stepping back into action.

“Okay,” he said simply, “Okay, we can do that.” Suddenly, her mind was completely gone from the revelations of the laptop sitting on the desk in front of her, and it was turned completely to what may or may not be going on inside of her body. 

She cleared her throat and nodded too, in a bit of disbelief herself as she grabbed her stuff, tucking it into her bag as they headed toward the door. Rowan opened it for her like always, and she smiled thinly at the few people who looked up to see what she was doing. 

Most people didn’t even notice, and she slipped out of the building undetected, through the backdoor. Rowan was right next to her the whole time, his fingers laced with hers. And when they hurried into the tiny convenience store right down the street, he didn’t let go. Not as she grabbed a test, bought a test, and walked toward the bathroom in the back.

But neither of them said a word.

The bathroom was only one stall, and Rowan stood outside as she, well, did what she had to do. But she pulled him inside as they waited for the timer he set on his phone to go off. As they waited to see if she really was… pregnant.

She turned the word over in her mind, thinking about what it meant, what it could mean. Pregnant. She could be pregnant again. She could be having another baby, Rowan’s baby this time. It was a lot to process. After all, her first pregnancy hadn’t been exactly smooth.

Crippling nausea, extreme exhaustion, all tied up with a premature birth that had taken everything out of her. It’d been hard as hell, but completely worth it once she’d held Elia in her arms that first time. 

It seemed Rowan was going through a turmoil of his own, his face tense but unreadable as the timer ticked away. 

She couldn’t blame him, with what had happened with Lyria. Gods, she didn’t know what she’d do if she was him, how scared she’d be. 

But apparently there was something else on his mind as he finally opened his mouth and asked -

“Is there any chance this baby isn’t mine?” 

“What?” Aelin blinked, furrowing her brows. But he was serious, his face grave.

“I’ll stand by your side either way, of course I will, I just-” he continued, rubbing his forehead with a hand. “If you’re sick now, and you are pregnant, then the baby would’ve been conceived about a month ago, right?” She nodded slowly, staring at him until it clicked. Because yes they’d had sex for the first time a month ago, but something else happened a month ago too.

“Oh,” was all she said. “Well, that doesn’t matter.”

“Doesn’t it?” Rowan asked, dropping his hand. “It could matter.” She shook her head, a misplaced feeling of defensiveness rising in her. Her arms tucked around her stomach.

“No,” she said flatly, “it doesn’t.”

“Well,” he said, a little exasperated. But she knew it was just from the stress. “How am I supposed to know that? I barely know anything that happened that day. And you don’t have to tell me but -“

“But what?” She said roughly, her voice thick. Rowan looked at her, his face closed off.

“I just want to know if this baby’s mine,” he said quietly, a bit of heartbreak cracking through. “And I want to know what happened to you. I want to make sure you’re okay.”

For some reason, the words nearly made her snap, sending a wave of misplaced defensiveness through her.

“You want to know what happened, Rowan?” She asked roughly, “You want to know what happened?” Unshed tears made her voice that much more emotional. 

“Yes,” he insisted, stepping forward. 

“Fine,” she spat, her hands clenched in fists, “I’ll tell you what happened. He brought me to that house, he took my daughter away from me, he made me strip in front of him, shower in front of him.” She shuddered, but kept going, gesturing wildly around her. “He paraded me around the fucking office like some show pony for his own gain. And then I found the videos, and he hit me, and kissed me, and -” a sob escaped her, and Rowan looked like he wanted to reach for her. But she shook her head.

“And then he dressed me in that fucking nightgown, and he tried to -” her voice failed her, but she straightened, taking a deep breath, tears streaming down her face. One of her hands clutched at her stomach. “He tried to - gods.” 

“Aelin-”

She steeled herself, wiping roughly at the tears. “He tried to rape me, and I thought I’d be ready for it but I wasn’t.”

“I don’t think you can be ready-”

“So I convinced him to wait,” she shook her head, pressing on. “And then we got in the car, and we crashed.” She closed her eyes before opening them, her gaze right on Rowan’s dark green eyes. “So no, there’s no chance that this baby isn’t yours.”

Silence fell over the dingy store bathroom as he processed the news, as she watched him take in not only the revelation that he could have another child, but the revelation of what happened while she was gone. 

“Aelin,” he repeated, stepping closer, but then the timer went off and he stopped, both of their gazes moving toward the test on the counter. 

“I can’t look,” she whispered, frozen in place. So Rowan took that step toward the counter for her. She didn’t think her heart was even beating as she waited, everything in her stuck as she waited to hear her future. Was she to be another young, pregnant lost girl? At least in the eyes of the public. 

Of everyone around her.

It’s what everyone had thought when she was pregnant with Elia, everyone in Doranelle. It’d been a mistake, and she’d been irresponsible, and should’ve just cleaned up the mess. She was a bit older now, but not by much. Two children by the age of twenty one… how the hell had her life turned into this? It was not nearly what she’d expected for her future. 

And yet - 

“Well?” She breathed, barely able to force the words out. 

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

But Rowan was just standing there, his head hung low as he looked at the test in front of him. Aelin couldn’t see his face, so she was left with nervous anticipation as he slowly turned to face her.

Tension hung between them, his face unreadable, but then he was falling to his knees in front of her, his forehead tipping to rest against her stomach, his hands low on her waist. 

A sob escaped her, tears spilling down her face even as she smiled. No, as she beamed. 

“Am I -” she managed to choke out, and he nodded against her shirt, tears of his own soaking the fabric. But he pulled back slightly to look up at her, his handsome face brighter than she’d ever seen it.

“You’re pregnant,” he confirmed, grinning up at her, his dark green eyes watery. “Gods, you’re pregnant.” He laughed incredulously, kissing her shirt this time, and Aelin dropped a hand to his hair, the other covering her mouth as she let out a disbelieving laugh of her own. She couldn’t even sniff back her tears, they were unstoppable. 

“I love you,” she choked out, “gods, I love you so much.”

“I love you, Aelin,” Rowan spoke, looking up at her, before dropping his forehead back to her stomach. “And I love you, too.” 

She sobbed again, dragging her sleeve across her face to try and wipe some tears away. “Rowan,” was all she said, all she needed to say.

“Aelin,” he murmured back, just breathing her in. Breathing their child in. “Aelin.”

“I guess the condom didn’t work,” she joked, and a laugh escaped him.

And then he finally looked up at her, the look on his face making her tears run faster. “You have made me a father twice now, in just a few days.” His voice was completely overcome with emotion. “I don’t know what I’m ever going to be able to do to deserve that.”

She shook her head, dropping both of her hands to cup his cheeks. “You already do, Rowan.” She fell to her knees, joining him on the sticky floor. “Gods you already do.” She leaned in, touching her forehead to his. “To whatever end.”

Rowan shuddered with emotion, his breath skirting across her lips. “To whatever end.”

------

They stayed in the bathroom for a little longer, happy and exhilarated, but eventually her nauseous stomach grumbled and Rowan determined it was time to get some food. So she picked up and held the test in her hand, her other hand clutched in his as they headed out of the bathroom and toward the store exit.

Where they ran into a bunch of flashing cameras.

“Shit,” she cursed under her breath as the door fell shut behind her. And she quickly tried to stick the test in her pocket, but it was too late, the vultures were already swooping in on their prey, shouts coming at her from every angle.

“Aelin, is that a pregnancy test?!” “Aelin, are you pregnant?” “Who’s the father?” “Is Rowan Whitethorn the father?” 

Even one disturbing “Is Arobynn Hamel the father?” 

Was that flying around now? Lovely. 

She ducked her head down and kept walking, only pausing when a certain question struck her ear. 

“How do you feel now that Arobynn’s dead?” An almost familiar voice asked, and it was such an odd question, such a different perspective than everyone else, that she looked over. And she nearly passed out.

“Sam?”

----

And that’s how they ended up at a cafe a few blocks down, tucked into the middle of a block of stores. They sat in the back, away from the windows, keeping away from the media still on the prowl.

Aelin sipped at her decaf latte, trying to figure out how to break the uncomfortable silence. Rowan was next to her, a protective arm around the back of her chair, and Sam was across from her, looking nearly identical to how he’d been so long ago.

“So,” she said after a few minutes. “You’re a journalist now?” 

“Yep,” he said, taking a bite of his croissant. “After I moved to Anielle, I decided to switch things up.” 

“Anielle?” She asked, her voice empty. “That’s where you chose?”

He nodded. “I have family there, but after Hamel died, my newspaper sent me here to get the scoop.” She narrowed her eyes a bit, but didn’t comment, just taking another sip of her drink. 

This was already awkward as hellas.

“Remind me why we’re doing this?” Rowan leaned over and whispered into her ear, and she nudged him with her shoulder, hoping Sam hadn’t heard. 

“So is that what you’re here for?” Aelin asked, not able to resist prying just a little bit. “To get the scoop from me?”

But he shook his head. “I wanted to see how you were doing,” he said, “last I saw you…”

“I was about to get beat up,”  she said blandly, “I know.” Rowan’s arm tightened around her shoulder. “But I was able to get away that day, so thank you.”

She made sure to keep her voice sincere, to let him know she really did mean it, and with the way Sam nodded back, she was pretty sure he understood.

“How’s your baby doing?” He asked, and a smile formed on her lips unconsciously. 

“She’s doing well,” Aelin answered, taking a sip of her coffee. “17 months old and healthy.”

“That’s good,” Sam said, nodding again. “And your - other baby?” She knew what he was referring to, knew he’d seen the pregnancy test just like everyone else had. Her hand fell to rest on her stomach lightly.

“Healthy as well,” she said, before turning to look at Rowan. “We’re very excited.” He smiled softly at her, before leaning in and placing a light kiss to her lips.

“He’s treating you right?” Sam asked her, and she looked back at him, eyebrows raised just a little.

“Yes, of course,” she said, “I’m very happy.” 

“I’m glad to hear it,” he said, leaning back in his chair. He looked right in place, like a normal person in this normal cafe, but she still felt out of touch, like she was watching everything through a glass. That’s how she’d felt the whole time in this damned city, like she didn’t belong, like she was an outsider. 

But she was happy. She just was pretty sure she’d be happier somewhere else.

“You know,” Sam added, and she forced herself to zone back in, paying attention to his words. Even though they quickly puzzled her. “I always had a bit of a crush on you.”

“What? Why?” She asked, a bit bewildered. “I barely ever spoke to you. I barely spoke at all.” Rowan’s arm was stiff around her.

Sam just shrugged. “I can’t explain i-” his phone rang, cutting him off, and he cursed, pulling it out of his pocket. “This is my boss,” he said, pushing to a stand. “I better take this. But it was nice to see you again,” he said, smiling at her, and she nodded weakly back. “One last piece of advice though,” he added. “Get out and tell your story before others try and skew it.”

Her smile fell a bit. 

“There’s tons of people ready to get the biggest hit,” he said. “And they don’t care if it’s true or not. Let your voice be heard.”

And then he was gone.

------

“I don’t like that guy,” Rowan said, a frown on his face as they walked into the elevator in the hotel lobby, the metal doors sliding shut. Aelin just snorted, raising a brow at him. But he wasn’t joking, his face was pinched in a way that told her something was actually bothering him. “He claims to have had a crush on you, and yet sat on his ass while you were being abused until you prompted him to do something.” He shook his head. 

Aelin sighed, taking his hand. “I never knew him very well,” she tried to explain, “despite his words I wouldn’t be surprised if he was trying to get on my good side to either get my story himself, or to get some of my money.” She shrugged, ignoring Rowan’s deepening frown. “Either way, I doubt he was being entirely sincere.”

He paused, but then pulled her into a loose hug, his chin resting on her head.

“Well,” he said, “we don’t have to see him again, right?” She snorted again, pinching his side and earning a hiss.

“Don’t be a jealous buzzard,” she joked, smirking up at him. “I’m carrying your baby, I’m not going to leave you now.” Rowan smirked back down at her, one of his hands sliding down to squeeze her ass.

“You get some other perks too,” he said smoothly, his voice dark. She looped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

“Oh really?” She tilted her head. “I haven’t gotten these… perks in a while.”

“I can fix that,” he said, his breath hot against her lips. They got closer and closer until she finally made the next move, kissing him deeply.

And by the time they got to their floor, her hair was mussed up, and both of their lips were swollen. It would be clear to anyone what they’d been doing.

But Aelin didn’t care a bit.

——

Rowan’s thumb was rubbing light circles over the fabric of her shirt covering her stomach, his other hand draped loosely around her waist as she sat in between his legs. Both of them were on the floor in front of the couch in the hotel room, watching as Elia crawled around, playing with Feefu. 

They’d been sitting there for a while, just basking in each other’s presence, and the presence now inside of her too.

“Classes start tomorrow,” Aelin said quietly, leaning her head back against his chest, but keeping her eyes on their daughter, who had started reaching toward the coffee table. 

“I know,” Rowan said, kissing her hair. “Is your laptop all ready to go?” She nodded.

They’d both gotten new laptops a few days before, just to start fresh for the new semester. Rowan didn’t want to go through the hassle of shipping his all the way from Doranelle, and, well, hers was a piece of shit anyway. It was time for a new one now that she could afford it.

Her classes for the spring were a bit more promising than her first semester had been. She was actually starting to get into the business side of things, though she had a literature class as well, as a requirement to graduate. Most people got those credits out of the way in high school, but she hadn’t taken any advanced classes, so she was starting from scratch. 

But she was excited for it, and had even begun toying with the idea of picking up literature as a second major. She’d have to see how it went.

It wasn’t necessary for what she was going to be doing, especially now that she had a job already. She really didn’t even need to keep going to college if she really didn’t want to, but she wanted the education. She wanted to give herself the knowledge she’d denied herself in high school.

She ignored the sinking in her stomach that thinking about her future career caused, and instead focused on something else that had been bugging her. Just a little bit.

“When are we going back to Doranelle?” She asked a few moments later, still watching Elia. “I know we said we were waiting until everything is settled here, but what does that even mean?”

“When do you want to go back?” Rowan asked, still caressing her stomach, and she shrugged.

“If I’m being honest,” she said slowly, not looking at him. “As soon as possible. I,” she sighed, “don’t like it here. Too many memories, especially with those videos we found. It’s just - a lot.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, his voice steady and rolling. “We didn’t get a chance to earlier; how are you feeling about it? About everything?”

“Yeah,” she said, a small smile on her face, ignoring his questions. She didn’t want to talk about how she felt right now. It was time to celebrate their new baby, not morosely discuss how she was being forced back into another box with this new job. How working at the company was everything she’d been trying to avoid her whole life. “We got a bit distracted.”

“Yeah,” her boyfriend said, just as fondly. “Do you think it’s a girl or a boy?”

“Hmm,” she hummed, considering the question, “I think a boy.” 

“Well,” he snorted, “you’d be wrong. It’s definitely another girl.” 

“Oh really?” She laughed, “and you would know?” She turned her head to look up at him, seeing him grinning down at her.

“Yep,” he said, “I already have two divas in my life, why not add a third?” He poked at her sides, tickling her a bit and she couldn’t help the giggles that escaped her as she tried to escape him. 

Elia seemed to be attracted by all the commotion, and used the leg of the coffee table to pull herself up into a stand, something she’d been able to do for a good while now. But Aelin stopped laughing and held her breath as her daughter did something she hadn’t done before: let go of the table and take one shaky step forward.

“Rowan,” Aelin whispered harshly, making sure he was seeing what was going on. 

“Oh my gods,” he whispered too, like neither of them wanted to risk disturbing this moment. But their daughter was walking toward them, in tiny little unsure steps, so Aelin held out her arms, inviting Elia in.

“That’s it, sweetheart,” she encouraged, “you’re almost there.” Elia’s face was screwed up in concentration as she stumbled toward her, but soon enough she’d crossed that great divide and she fell into her mother’s arms.

Aelin scooped her up into a hug, showering compliments and praise down on her. Rowan joined in too, until Elia was smiling and giggling, happy there cuddled up with her parents.

She was still young, and would be young when the new baby was born, but Aelin already knew in her heart that she was going to be the most amazing big sister.

------

Today was the day Elia was finally going to get to see the office. Lysandra had a job interview, so she couldn’t watch Elia, and with both her and Rowan having classes that morning, there was nowhere else they could take her.

But it was okay, Aelin had convinced herself the night before that it was time to stop hiding her. She couldn’t spend her whole life hiding up in a hotel. The press would have a field day, but Aelin already had a plan in the works for that too.

If she was going to be stuck here, she had to stop hiding. 

One thing she liked about staying was getting to stay with Lysandra. They’d been texting a lot and had already developed a fast friendship. In fact, the brunette was the only one so far who knew about her pregnancy. She was grateful to have her.

Despite the circumstances for the day, Aelin put on a brave face for the media as she carried Elia into the office building, not caring about their questions or their statements or their prying words. Her daughter looked overwhelmed by the whole scene, her turquoise eyes wide at the sight of so many people.

But she didn’t fuss as they rode up the elevator to the right floor. 

People stared at her like always as she walked toward her office, but she didn’t pay them any attention, comforted by Rowan’s arm around her waist and Elia’s quiet babbling. Rowan had been almost jittery that day, though she didn’t know why. 

It was either anxiety from bringing Elia, or there was something he wasn’t telling her. She wasn’t sure which, and she didn’t know which one she wanted it to be.

But she put it out of her mind as she entered her office, seeing Darrow waiting there, like he did every morning. 

But this morning, there were two envelopes lying on top of her desk, her full name on both of them. Miss Aelin Ashryver Galathynius. 

“What are these?” She asked the man, taking her seat. Elia stayed on her lap, cuddling close, but was looking up at Darrow curiously. He didn’t say anything to the little girl, he was too stoic for that, but he did smile gently and wave at her briefly, making her giggle.

Aelin deemed that interaction a success, and moved back to her question.

“The one on the left is something the movers found in Mr. Hamel’s house,” Darrow explained. “I figured you would want it back.”

She furrowed her brows, and reached to open it, Rowan coming to sit down next to her. Her eyes went wide as she pulled its contents out. 

“Oh,” she breathed, staring at her necklace, with its beautiful fire pendant. The one Rowan had gotten for her. The one she’d thought she’d lost forever. She turned to look at her boyfriend. “Can you put it on for me?” 

“Of course,” he said, clipping it around her neck, and she held it loosely, getting used to the feeling of it again. 

“Thank you,” Aelin said to Darrow, and he just nodded. The pendant was warm right over her heart, and she pressed her hand against it as she moved on to the other envelope. “What’s in this one?”

“Just open it,” Rowan said this time, and she narrowed her eyes at him, sensing the anticipation oozing from his pores. What did he have to do with this?

But she didn’t question it as she pulled a piece of paper out of the envelope, flattening it against her desk. 

It was a legal document of sorts, with a line at the bottom she knew was for her signature. But she didn’t understand what it was for. Was she supposed to know? Because she didn’t.

“What is this?” Aelin asked as she scanned the page over and over, not quite comprehending what she was seeing. Eventually she gave up, sending her questioning glance up to Rowan, who could barely contain his excitement.

“It’s a proposed new branch of the company,” he explained, gesturing to the document. “A charitable branch, a foundation of sorts.” He looked over at Darrow.

“Mr. Whitethorn came up with the idea a few weeks ago, and brought it to me,” the older man continued, “but it’s up to you to sign off on it.” Her eyebrows had shot up at the word weeks, but she didn’t question the timing, her brain already off to the next part.

A charity branch. Something Kingsflame hadn’t had before, but definitely something that could look good for the company amongst all this press. Some good publicity, instead of just drama. 

“What’s the charity?” She asked next, furrowing her brows. Rowan smiled softly as he answered.

“The Rifthold Coalition Against Domestic Violence,” he said, and emotion filled her veins, tears pricking at her eyes. But she just nodded, looking back down at the paperwork. “I would help run it after I graduate, but I could be remote and just fly in for meetings every so often. Because I was also thinking -”

He stepped closer to her desk, reaching over to smooth back Elia’s hair. But his eyes were on her. “I know you don’t want to work here,” he said quietly, before looking back at Darrow, “sorry Darrow.” But he just waved him off with a smile. “I know you don’t want to live in Rifthold.” His green eyes held hers intently. “And you don’t have to. You can take on a board position in the company instead, and not be actively involved. Or you can quit entirely. But it’s up to you.” 

She closed her eyes, a single tear slipping out as she reached up with her free hand to clutch at her necklace. But he wasn’t done.

“It’s your choice,” he whispered to her, and she nodded, feeling those words settle in her. “We can go back to Doranelle, you can graduate, you can open up your bookstore like you’ve always wanted to.” She sniffed, tears falling faster now. “You can do whatever you want. You’re free.”

She opened her eyes slowly, meeting his, and she nodded. She hoped he understood how grateful she was for him, for everything he did for her. 

“I love you,” she whispered, and he smiled.

“I love you too, Fireheart.”

-------

It was snowing as they landed at the Doranelle airport, snowing as they got into a car, driving the thirty minutes back into town. And it was snowing as Aelin walked into her new apartment, completely overwhelmed by how perfect it was.

It was cozy, yet spacious, perfect size for them and two kids. It was within walking distance of campus, walking distance of the grocery store. It was just… a fresh start, a fresh start with Rowan and their family. 

It was everything she could’ve asked for and more. And she kissed him heartily for it.

But after settling in a bit, Aelin knew there was somewhere else she wanted to go too. 

And it was snowing as they made their way into Mistward Cafe, toting their backpacks and laptops with them to study there after saying hi to the man who owned it. It felt so right to be back, to be home. 

She and Rowan had barely needed to discuss it after speaking with Darrow. Aelin was going to take a step back, and take more of a consulting role in the company, and they were going to move back to Doranelle. Rowan was going to work with Darrow on the foundation, but he wasn’t going to do it from anywhere but right there at her side.

Lysandra was even thinking about moving out there, with her niece Evangeline in tow. She had full custody of her now, and was looking for a fresh start. Aelin was ecstatic about it, and ready to help her settle in and start a new life as much as she could.

It was the perfect scenario, better than anything she could’ve dreamed up herself. She hadn’t lost that connection to her parents, but she wasn’t trapped in yet another cage. She could do everything she’d wanted to do, be everything she wanted to be. 

She couldn’t stop smiling.

Especially as Emrys finally noticed them, a bright smile lighting up his lined face. He immediately dropped what he was doing, hurrying from behind the counter to greet them. 

He hugged her tightly, saying warm words of welcome, before moving to hug Rowan as well, and placing a kiss on Elia’s head, who giggled at the old man.

“Oh it’s so good to see you three,” he said warmly, “I’m so glad to see you’re all okay.”

“We’re glad to see you, too,” Aelin said, smiling herself. “I’m glad to be back in Doranelle.”

“Here, sit down,” Emrys insisted, shooing them toward an open table. Mistward was pretty busy for a snowy day, groups of people taking refuge in the warmth. “I’ll get you some coffee.”

“Decaf, for me please,” Aelin interjected, and he looked up at her. “Because I’m -”

“Pregnant,” he said with a knowing smile. “Don’t worry, I read all about it in the Rifthold news. I’ve been keeping up with it since you’ve been gone.” She chuckled a little bit, shaking her head. Of course he was. “Which is also how I knew about -” he reached under the counter for something, before turning to their table. “This.”

He dropped a Rifthold newspaper down on the wood, and she couldn’t help but grin at the sight. There was her name and picture, printed in bold beneath the words:

Arobynn Hamel: The Truth Behind the Famous Name

It was the article she’d written only a few days before, an article she’d managed to get printed with the Rifthold Reporter. She was finally getting her side of the story out into the world, and all she could do was hope that the world listened.

But it was better than doing nothing, and letting everyone think that a good man died that day.

“I’m proud of you, Aelin,” Emrys said, his voice sincere, and suddenly she felt like crying. But all she did was press her free hand to her heart, trying to keep all the emotions contained.

“Thank you,” she said, “for everything.” He just nodded once, a smile on his face.

“Of course, lass, now get to work, I’ll have your drinks soon.” He waved them away, and she laughed again as she sat down, Elia in her lap and Rowan across from her. By coincidence, or by fate, they’d ended up at the exact same table they’d first met at, and she knew he remembered too, if the smile he shot at her was any indication.

But they didn’t say anything as they both pulled out their laptops, getting to work on their respective homework for the week. Elia was calm, playing quietly with Feefu, enjoying herself, and Aelin idly ran a hand down her hair as she stared at a math problem.

She’d begun her first accounting class, and the first assignment was just a pretest to see what they already knew. She didn’t know much, so she scored horrendously, but it provided an answer key afterward and now she was going back to try and understand some of them.

“Hey Rowan?” She asked, looking up from her screen.

“Yeah?” He asked, meeting her eyes, his green ones as gorgeous as ever, but so much warmer than they’d been months before.

“Can you help me with this problem?” She asked, grinning as he chuckled.

“Let me just put my tutor hat back on,” he joked, and she rolled her eyes. But she didn’t protest as he scooted over his chair to her side of the table, peeking at her screen.

“Dada,” Elia cooed, and Rowan took her and set her on his own lap, cooing back. It was a sweet scene, and she smiled softly before resting her head on his shoulder. He went back to looking at the screen and registered the problem quickly. He began explaining it to her, and she could barely pretend like she was listening, his voice soothing her into a restful state.

The snow was falling down around them, the soft music of the cafe playing lightly in the background, warm coffee seeping into her bones. And the three people she loved most in the world right there with her. 

She’d come a long way to get to this moment, and she knew she wasn’t done recovering from the horrors of her past. She also knew that life wasn’t perfect, but hers certainly couldn’t get better than this.

----

taglist:

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[sweeethinny]

Pillowtalk

Okay, this started because I was reading a book, where it pointed out how the more people get older, the more society judges them for wanting to have sex, making them feel like disgusting and etc.

Of course, James and Lily in this fanfic are not +60 years old, but I wanted to write about this, and about how sometimes couples get lost due to lack of affection, of demonstrations of love, because they got used to being just parents and now just be friends...

anyway, just something I wanted to write

in this AU, there was voldemort, but Jily lived, and they had Mia after the war was over.

--------------------

James couldn't forget what he had heard yesterday; he was in a muggle bar with some friends from when he was working as an Auror talking about pleasantries until the moment someone started talking about dating and marriage, and they ended up talking about how the life sex has lost all luster and rhythm over time, and that sometimes even that has become extinct from the routine.

He didn't think he and Lily, married nearly thirty years, had lost their sexual desire in each other; Of course, they wasn't young people anymore who could keep up a maddening pace without getting tired, but they still had sex and every now and then Lily would come in with new lingerie, and James would spend a few extra minutes at the barber's to get his beard and hair fixed the way she liked, or he wore that suit that always made Lily kiss him and say naughty things to him.

He once read an article about people over sixty and their relationship to sex, and a couple said that what made them over sixty years together was the fact that they still had regular oral sex, and James remembered not believing that when he read it, thought it was a joke, but now, watching Lily sleep beside him, wearing her gray satin nightgown with black lace, thinking about all the times they didn't necessarily have sex, but just oral sex in the shower or on a rainy morning before work, James understood what this couple wanted to talk about.

He didn't want to distance himself from Lily over the years, to become more of a friend than a couple, to settle for missing her as a person other than the mother of their children and a potions master. And James wanted her to see him like that too, more than just a father and a teacher. He wanted them to still see themselves with that lens of desire they wore when they were sixteen; attractive and sexy.

James had stopped working out a few years ago when Mia was born and he had a new way to use his energy, and sometimes he wondered if Lily was bothered with the 'daddy belly’ — as Harry liked to point out — that he had, or as now there were some (many) white strands all over his body, on his chest, beard, hair, and even on his eyebrow some had already started to appear.

"Have you been awake a long time?'’ Lily muttered, her voice sly and husky with sleep, eyes still closed, looking so peaceful that James could look at her for hours and not get tired.

''More or less,'' James straightened, pulling her so that Lily lay closer to him, hugging her tightly as if he was afraid she would evaporate away from him without James having time to appreciate the fact that they were there, together. ''How did you sleep?''

''Well, very well,'' Mia had gone to sleep over at Harry's, so they were waking up after eight in the morning, which with a kid at home was pretty difficult. ''You looked worried,'' Lily opened her eyes, blinking up at him to see him in better definition, and James couldn't even hide his feelings from her—not that he wanted to, not anymore. ''What happened?''

''Just thinking,'' he said, smiling awkwardly. ''Do you still... Do you still think I'm sexy? You know, like when we were sixteen and you couldn't take your hands off me?''

Lily stopped, looking at James curiously, as if she didn't understand where this was coming from.

"Of course I do," She smiled. "I love you,".

"No, it's not love, it's attraction, you know? Do you still want to have sex with me, or are you just doing it because we've been doing it for so long and it would be weird to stop?" The expression on her face revealed that James hadn't said the right thing, but he didn't withdraw anything, he wanted to know exactly that. Bob, the muggle bar owner they were in, had said that he felt it was as if his wife had sex with him because she was ashamed to admit that she no longer liked him.

''Of course not, James! It's obvious that I'm still attracted to you,'' The smile she flashed quickly faltered, her green eyes staring at him suspiciously. ''Are you trying to tell me something?''

“No, Lily, I still want to fuck you as much as I did when I was sixteen, maybe even more now,” James shrugged, running a hand through his hair, looking away from her. “It’s just… we’re getting old, and do you think this will ever end? I mean, I don't want it to end, I could be a hundred years old and I'll still want to have sex with you Lily, I honestly doubt my desire for you will ever end, but...''

''Are you afraid I'll get tired of you?'' Lily said, sitting up in bed so she could look at him more closely, her brows slightly furrowed. ''Why do you think that?''

''Yesterday we were talking and... some guys reported that their wives lost their desire for them, and they were like friends who lived together, you know? There was love, but… it was like they were just parents and that's it, no longer a wife and husband, and… I don't look like that sixteen-year-old boy you fell in love with anymore,'' James laughed nervously, glancing at the picture that Sirius had painted for them, hanging on the wall opposite the bed. ''I don't have that body anymore, I don't have that rhythm anymore, now I take much longer than five minutes to be ready for a new round, and my hair is already starting to turn white... maybe one day you'll get tired of having a old husband?'' He looked at her, noticing how Lily was looking at him so fondly that James looked away again, not wanting to face it.

''But…we're getting older together,'' Lily touched his chest, smiling the same way she smiled at sixteen. ''I'm also having gray hair, my body has definitely changed with two pregnancies, my boobs have already lost the battle to gravity-''

''Don't say that,'' James reached for them, gently squeezing, always so perfect.

She laughed. ‘'I'm just pointing out that it's not just you who's getting old, James, but me too... And you don't care if I can't recover in five minutes like I used to, do you?'' He denied it. ''Then I don't care either. And honestly, maybe these women aren't having sex with their husbands anymore, not because they got older, but because they stopped treating her like they used to... You know, flowers, dates, declarations of love, words of encouragement... All of this influences libido. Why want to fuck someone who barely looks at you?''

''Do you feel like I stopped treating you like I did before all this?''

Lily denied it, taking her husband's hand on her breast and kissing his fingers. ''You are the best husband I could ever ask for, James. You still compliment me even when I'm completely ugly-''

''You're never ugly,'' He smiled, always repeating that mantra that always made Lily laugh—and she laughed.

"I'm still in love with you, my love, and I'm still very, very attracted to you," Lily crawled onto his lap, smiling like a goddess who was ready to bless him with the best of gifts, and James would accept it and feel like the happiest man in the world, no matter what. ''All that mature look of yours, your body, your white strands… I don't want a twenty-year-old boy James, I want you, in your mid-fifties, looking so hot in your teacher's clothes,'' Lily bit her lower lip, bending over to kiss him. “And between some fast shags, and one slow sex that it’ll keep me thinking about it for the rest of the next few days, I prefer the slow one. Even though none of us can recover in five minutes for a second round, and maybe we need a nap… I love it,’’

"I love it too," James murmured against her lips, sighing as he felt her naked intimacy touch the boxers he'd worn to sleep.

The joys of not having a child in the house for one night.

[prelovednikaidou]

corrupt; draken, ken ryuguji [01]

Summary:

In which you met the man of your past, but he didn't come back to remind you of the bitter break-up. Draken had one thing in mind and it was to never let you leave his side ever again. Distance made the heart grow fonder but he'd rather let you spend the rest of your life hating him if it meant you'd never leave his sight.

"I don't wish you well when you ain't with me, I want you crying."

Warning:

mention of suicide, oral receiving (reader),

a/n: taglist are open up to 10 users! comment '☁️'

Word count: 2.1k

series masterlist

[01: jealousy]

Draken wanted to take you away.

The curves of your spine, flowing down to the slope of your well-rounded bottom flesh, he watched the symmetrical dimple right above your butt - mocking him that those precious intimate spots were no longer his possession to own.

It wasn't only him who shared the same thought; everyone in this crowded room had their eyes glued on you. As if you were holding those guests captive, you felt immense pressure on your feet and thighs, quivered before you wrapped your leg around the shining pole.

Spinning, spinning, spinning.

Those blinding lights showered your sweating figure in all fairness, the sound of Abel's voice had long dimmed down, it meant that your show was done. It was silent in a minute,

lifting your face - your lips curled into a hunting smile and the room soared with cheers, crumpled money tossed across the stage, but your sense of content was suppressed by the overwhelming tension.

A pair of black pupils were starring at you - pinning you to where you stood. He was among the crowd, all in his glory without care but you. You felt something burst inside your chest, unable to tear your focus from him.

This longing for him is toxic.

Flashes of memories where those sober eyes bore into yours when he pumped his fat cock into your tight cunt until his thick cum over spilled, the same eyes that once shone with so much love but turned cold.

"Dollface!"

A shout from backstage startled you from your daze, another coworker came up and escorted you down, assisting you to take off the painful high heels.

"What's with you?" She threw a curious stare your way.

You still couldn't wrap your mind. He was there. Flesh and soul, presented in front of you. It was a brief eye contact but it was enough. Enough to tell you that he was coming back for you.

It had been years since the two of you chose to split up, making your paths without each other's companion.

"I, I've got to go. I forgot that I locked the windows, my cat's probably waiting for me. He's been out for 3 days so he's starving I think. Y'all can continue without me,"

You stood but your knees turned weak at the sudden arrival of him, standing by the door. A few steps taken back, you lost all rationality to stay calm because your heart thumped loudly.

Standing tall on his 6' ft, athletic and young Draken was nowhere to be seen but replaced - with a mature adult man that induced everything he carried into lust.

The robust body looked incredibly fit, lean, and you could see the strong outlines of his defined chest and abdominal muscles from the black shirt. If it was years ago, those leather jackets wouldn't suit him - he'd look like those up-start wannabe gangsters.

But it was different now. It clung to his broad shoulders perfectly, he wasn't as cheap as those local pranksters. The dark jeans also did little job in hiding his long legs. He was indeed a member of a gang; eerie and cruel - but he had never look this good that you want to fuck.

Draken's presence was enough to brush away every man in the room that you belonged to him. Your little admirers couldn't even look at him in the eyes, let alone make up a fight.

They left with a strong sense of defeat; no wonder you never once accept any confessions, turned out you have such a man waiting.

"Why is he here? This area is off-limits. Only staff is allowed. Naoki, guide him out." You forced yourself to mutter those words, uncaring to look at him with your back facing him.

Naoki sighed, this man literally slipped $750 under the table just to meet you. Those incompetent flies who claimed to love you didn't even spare this much effort. She only signaled him to step in before she whispered to you,

"Remember the guy I told you? The one that booked a whole session for your private room? He's that guy. It's just that he arrived a little early than the arranged meeting but it'll be great if you can build a connection with him."

You glared back, "Then send him back. We still have a week before that, right? I'm tired. I can't keep up with this," You pushed off her hand from your shoulder, began to take off your wig. His eyes were still the same; always undressing you naked.

Naoki could only grit her teeth, the money already landed in her pocket. What if he asked it back? She can't let such a great deal slip so she greeted him,

"She's a bit tired from the recent show. How about we push this to tomorrow? She's got free time on her hand to rest too." At least, this would do, right?

"If I have so much time on my hands, I wouldn't have come a week early. So you guess it yourself." His voice has changed too. It was an octave lower, you immediately rubbed your thighs together before you waved a hand.

"Haaa... leave us, Naoki. But I need you to go to my house. I wasn't joking about what I said earlier."

Naoki hurriedly nodded, clutching to her pocket before her eyes warily darted from Draken to you. Is this a couple feud? She noted in her head that she'd help this guy soon in the future - who doesn't want easy money?

"Okay, I will. Sir...? Err.. hope you have a pleasant chat with Dollface. I will excuse myself then ." The hindrance in Draken's eyes finally left the room, the door closed in a thump and the subtle tension thickened.

He didn't say anything, only leaned his body by the door as he watched you wiped off your makeup. This was his morning view back when you were still wet behind ears about pole dancing. You'd come back at the crack of drawn and he'd already been out to his workshop.

"Dollface."

Stubborn like a little cat, your doe eyes didn't look up from your make-up bag and he could see through your act to be so busy. He loved how feisty you've become after years. It eased his heart that you could chase off those little shit.

"It suits you, [Y/N]. Face so pretty like a doll. Make one's heart itch to keep around. But I wonder why the name sounds so familiar."

"State your business. I'm heading home straight after this so don't expect a lap dance or something."

"Then that's the plan. I'll drive you home, eh?"

That damn 'eh'. He picked up your habit too well that the time he spent with you shaped him into copying your habit. It sounded cute but your heart still couldn't forgive him. Let him suffer a little.

"Don't need to. My boyfriend is great at doing his job. So do me a favor and let me rest quickly, how about that?"

Now, you were looking at him through the mirror. It was just too hard for you to muster yourself to face him directly. Draken didn't seem shaken. He stood straightly, you clenched your thighs tighter.

"Have I ever been quick in everything when I'm with you, [Y/N]?" His towering figure gawked over your smaller frame - casting his shadow over you as his sharp facial features caught your attention.

"Can't remember. Maybe? Because I said it just now almost like a reflex." You replied, not backing down but instead, squaring up to him that your ample breasts brushed against his torso.

His cologne didn't smell like the tacky, cheap body spray he used to own. This one smelled so expensive, alienated your memory of his familiar scent.

"Now you're getting older, your memory is getting rusty, dollface. Should I put on a play and see if you can call anything in mind?" You felt your breath became heavier but he didn't let you lose your focus yet.

Your chin was tugged upwards, the shadow of his cap cast upon his face and you remembered now; it was his eyes. Because he wasn't vocal about his feelings, you could understand everything from his eyes.

"You've grown softer, Draken. I almost threw up listening to you talk like this. What, are you changing jobs now? Don't tell me you went from a gangster to a con artist."

No, you were lying to yourself. Draken didn't change but improved. Change can be something bad but he never did anything that would bring him down. He just got better.

And it was true when the velvety touch on your beating pulse suddenly moved to your lips before he squished your cheeks in his hand.

"Fucking hot as hell but so damn annoying." He laughed, the light from his eyes never return, only replaced by a wicked glint.

He wanted to take you to his place, fuck you in his bed until you couldn't walk properly so he'd have more reasons to keep you at his place. He wanted to swallow you whole and he barely even started but why was it so damn hard to have you?

"Don't dare to think of anything nasty. You might not care about commitment in a relationship, but I do. So take your hands off me, Draken."

"Kenie. It's Kenie for you."

Your lips were so plump and wet, his other arm wrapped around your waist - hoisting you up to his body before he leaned by the dresser.

You shrieked when his scalding hot palm touched your naked back and as he untied the strings of your bra, he smiled at your face as he said,

"Do you think I'm going to believe that, dollface? Do you really think I don't know that this pussy hasn't been fucked well for months? I have eyes across this ward. You don't get to fool me."

Heat rose to your face, your small hands pushed on his shoulders, "You're still up in my business? Sounds like someone can't fucking move on."

He nodded, ripping off your lacey bralette and his big hands began to palm your heavy breast - carelessly rubbing your nipple with his thumb. You fought the urge to moan, you hold onto his shoulder for dear strength.

"You're right. I can't move on." Your breath hitched, he nuzzled his face to the column of your neck, inhaling so deep, and wrapped his arms tightly around your body. He missed you so much. So much that if you ran away again, he'd just kill himself.

"I fucked my fist thinking of you. I got this hard just by thinking of you. I'm not ashamed of it."

"That's your problem, Draken. I'm not you. I'm living my best life right now, and sorry that I can still cum just with my fingers."

"That's my girl," He pushed you until your back met the concrete wall, your eyes widened when he took off his cap and put it on you before he dropped to his knees.

"I am aware of your appetite, [Y/N]. You won't be happy with such a small meal. You always keep coming back to have your tight pussy stuffed. Even when we were living together, you couldn't stop begging my dick every night."

"What the hell are you talking about-" You pushed his forehead away from your private part, one hand covering your pussy but he gripped the side of your hips - bringing you straight to his mouth.

"I don't care if you use me as your favorite Cherry Twins. But don't deny that I made you cummed the hardest when I was in your life, dollface."

Your eyes became misty, his words just flew through your head - empty when his mouth latched on your clothed crotch, lapping on the small fabric that the nudge of his tongue probed on your budding clit.

Cherry Twins were the name he gave to your vibrators. Since he was always out when you were at home, he'd make you use them to your greedy cunt - even made a video call so he could jerk off in the public restroom.

You were wild, but he taught you to live even wilder.

Next page: chapter [02] →

a/n : next chapter is full smut bcs thats the only thing my brain's capable of. Taglist are open up to 10 users! Comment '☁️’.

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