#i remember my stomach being really weird during those times

[j-crow]

side blog for screaming and crying has been accessed

going through my photos and its like wow…. august through october was a fucking nightmare for me

[bbina]

after spending the whole night with the guys, it was time to go home

“are you riding with us?” you hear sungchan ask, referring to him and eunseok since you guys did carpool on the way to the place the guys decided to meet

you glance at wonbin who was busy chatting with shotaro. wonbin feels your gaze and turns to you with a smile. that was the only answer you needed

“i’m gonna go with wonbin” you say absentmindedly

“ah, okay” sungchan says, patting your shoulder before he going to eunseok to probably tell that you wouldn’t be going home with them just yet

from your peripheral vision you see wonbin holding his hand out and just like a magnet, you instantly gravitate towards him.

“another late night date i assume?” shotaro teases, nudging wonbin with his elbow. wonbin laughs, pushing shotaro away as he blushes a bit. (he’s legitimately down bad im ctfu)

“hope you don’t mind i steal him again” you poke your tongue out at shotaro before wrapping your arms around wonbin’s, snuggling to his side as you patiently wait for them to finish chitchatting

shotaro laughs, before shooing wonbin away.

“you can keep him all you want”

you grin at shotaro before he says his goodbye to wonbin. he was probably gonna ask to ride with the rest of the guys, most probably ask eunseok to drop him off but you didn’t care as long as you were with wonbin

“sorry bout that, we were just talking about random shit as if i don’t live in the same building as him” wonbin chuckles, fishing for his car keys (more like shotaro’s) as you two walk to the parking lot.

wonbin clicks the unlock button on the keys. before you could grab the car door, wonbin himself opens it for you.

“my baby should never open her side of the door on her own” he jokes, winking as you sit down on the passenger seat with a laugh.

“god you’re insufferable” you giggle, watching him jog over to his side of the car before he turns the ignition on. you feel your cheeks start to hurt with the way you’re smiling so widely. who knew you and wonbin would ever be like this

“but you like it” he claims. which was true, you do like this side of wonbin that only you get to see. to the others he may seem a little mysterious and nonchalant, but to you? that’s a whole different story

“so, where to?” wonbin asks, as he backs up on the parking lot. his other hand on your head rest as he turns around to see where he’s going. you feel yourself blush at the sight. one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your seat as he meticulously gets out of the tight parking space.

there goes the butterflies in your stomach again. they’ve been at it for a while now. ever since that one date where he got you ‘just because’ flowers. you try to ignore those weird fuzzy feeling you get whenever wonbin’s around but lately, it seems to be impossible

“anywhere really” you say, not caring where the road takes you two. the night was still young

“i’m glad i met you, y/n” wonbin starts softly, a smile creeping up his face. stealing glances here and there as he once again drives you around the streets of seoul

“we met during freshman year” you point out, holding in your laugh as you remember how you initially met the boy beside you.

it was just like yesterday when you all were just freshmen in highschool. all fresh out of middle school as you all adjust to the new life of being a highschooler.

that year you weren’t classmates with neither eunseok and sungchan. they were classmates in another section so that meant you were alone during your first year.

that’s how you met wonbin. you were in the same class at him and you two got paired for a research paper in science together. a subject you weren’t really the brightest in

it was after school when wonbin first approached you. you were waiting for eunseok and sungchan to come pick you by the hallway when wonbin approached you for the first time.

“hi” he said so softly that you almost didn’t hear it. you looked at him in surprise, is this the first friend that’s not sungchan that you’ll ever make?

“i’m your partner–”

wonbin wasn’t able to finish his sentence when eunseok and sungchan arrive. the first thing eunseok heard out of all things was “partner” and instantly, his overprotective brother mode just switched on

“partner?” eunseok raises an eyebrow at the kid who seemed to be around his age in front of him. “you and my sister?” he pushes on, using his height as an advantage to press on the poor boy in front of him

wonbin visibly gulps and turns to you with nervous eyes. a little call for help as you’d like to think. even if the situation was funny, you couldn’t help but feel sorry for your new… friend

“eunseok quit being a dumbass he’s my partner for a paper we’re doing in science” you roll your eyes as you pull your brother away from the now shaking wonbin. poor boy must’ve been shaken up from the sudden interrogation from a guy he didn’t even know, who seemed to be in a different class in a new environment

“science? oof. good luck with her, kid” sungchan makes a sour face, teasing you. you let out an irritated sigh before smacking him and eunseok.

“hey!”

“what was that for!?”

wonbin can only watch the three of you in amusement. you, his classmate having this power against the two twin towers from another class

“anyway kid, i was just joking around back there. i’m eunseok, what’s your name?” eunseok brushes his wrinkled uniform before holding his hand out for wonbin to shake

“i’m wonbin” he mutters, shyly taking his hand

“nice to meet you wonbin! i’m sungchan!” sungchan greets, also holding his hand out

“don’t mind them. they’re practically my brothers and we’re all attached by the hip.. anyway! about our paper, we can talk about it tomorrow or i can give you my number and we can talk about it later tonight?” you suggest options since you can’t really do much now that eunseok and sungchan has arrived

wonbin hears sungchan mumbling about already giving out numbers on the first meet, earning another smack from you

“or he could join us to eat right now. i’m starving and i’m craving for ramen” eunseok proposes, having enough of prolonging the after school meal you three had planned all day.

even if wonbin wanted to decline initially, who could say no to food?

“that sounds better! that way we can get to know him too!” you cheer as you throw your thumbs up in front of wonbin

“what do you say, wonbin?” you ask, waiting for his response

“i’m cool with that” wonbin smiles at the three of you. you all cheer as he tags along with your group for the first time. who knew during the first day of classes he’d already find himself a group of friends (or acquaintances for now)

and after that, the rest was history. your little friend group, backstreet boys was formed.

who knew the same boy you were partners in for a class back in freshman year would turn out to be your partner again a few years later.

“i’m serious! who knew you’d be this important to me..” wonbin mutters the last part hoping you wouldn’t hear it but unfortunately for him, you heard it

“awweee is this wonbin finally admitting he likes me?” you jokingly coo, reaching over to pinch his now blushing cheek.

wonbin scrunches his nose as he leans towards your touch

“so what if i do?” he banters, turning his head to look at you with lovestruck eyes before turning his attention back at the road ahead.

“of course everyone likes me, it’s me, the song y/n. the one and only”

“that’s not what i meant” wonbin interjects and it made your stomach drop

your eyes widened as you retract your hand from his cheek. does he mean it like that?

“.. oh” you laughed awkwardly, caught off guard at the sudden shift in the conversation.

“yeah..” wonbin murmurs. of course you’re song y/n. the song y/n that ultimately stole his heart amidst the chaos and uncertainty of your arrangement

the song on aux suddenly plays k. by cigarettes after sex. the soft, slow mellow ambiance of the song changing the atmosphere inside the car. it was now a silent car ride heading to who knows where. wonbin then reaches his hand towards yours, intertwining them as he rests his hand on your thigh

“think i like you best when you're just with me and no one else”

wonbin sings along to the song. stealing glances here and there til the song finishes.

you’re not dumb. there was a nagging feeling at the back of your head on where this was going and you didn’t like it one bit. you thought about this for a while now. sure, you’d be beyond happy that you and wonbin would become official. disregard the whole fake dating set up and make it real once for all but it’s just unfair for wonbin.

it’s so unfair.

you both knew what you two were getting into and the last thing you wanted was to actually catch real, genuine feelings for each other.

unlike with sungchan, the feeling of being with wonbin was just different. so different that it genuinely scared you to try anything real. maybe it was the close proximity during the trip that made you daring back then. knowing that by the time the trip was over, you and wonbin were also over. like you two didn’t share those quiet moments, those kisses, those lingering touches, intimate moments with wonbin that are now a distant but fond memories

what you didn’t expect was the arrangement to continue on. you didn’t have a back up plan when you initially made this pact with wonbin and now you’re seeing the consequences.

it’s not like you didn’t fall for wonbin along the way. you definitely did at some point, but to refrain yourself from making the same mistakes you did with sungchan, you chose to suppress the feeling. the feeling wonbin makes it feel like you two are missing puzzle pieces, the feeling wonbin makes you feel so secure in yourself, the feeling wonbin makes you feel that it’s him that you want and no one else

you can’t hurt wonbin. you couldn’t hurt wonbin. you can’t be with wonbin

with a fake smile, you gently squeeze wonbin’s hand. as if it’s a sign that everything will be alright. you’re hoping that wonbin wakes up from his little dream with you in it soon. it can’t end like this.

not like this.

between the lines ★ long way home

⤷ from what started as a simple arrangement to hide your feelings for a certain someone by getting into in a fake relationship soon turns into a tangled mess. in which some things are hard to tell when you can’t read between the lines

 ˗ˏˋ prev | next  ˎˊ˗

★ notes .ᐟ im pissed the fuck off bc my plane just left me so enjoy the next two chapters because i know i will

★ taglist .ᐟ @callanton @annswwa @renjuneoo @pinkraindropsfell @lecheugo @ilovejungwonandhaechan @ahnneyong @haechansbbg @snowyseungs @sseastar-main @odxrilove @leeknowarchives @onlywonb @wonychu @leehanascent @jaeyunsb @au-ghosttype @revehosh @keilovr @kyusqult @dreamyyyz @ether-yeol @yangasm @qwonbani @starwonb1n @ffixtionista @daegale @scrumptiousloser @seunghancore @marksluvs @wonbinfiles @ohmykwonsoonyoung @reenfluffmarshmallow @bunni @artstaeh @yizhoutv @sie17136 @koeuh @07yujin @poollabug @vernonburger @dutifullyannoyingfox @000rpheus @wccycc @sunus-sun @highhjime @chweverni @toosspicy @heartlvrrss @s9nwoo @yoursyuno

[zafirosreverie]

Change the future part 3

part 1

a/n: Still on hiatus, just wanted to post something on the triplets' birthday

a/n2: I don’t even know what ship is this about anymore

__________________________

"At some point you're going to have to talk to her about this"

"But that won’t be today, Pepa"

Julieta said as she continued to cook, deliberately ignoring the way her pulse raced and her nerves stood on edge. She didn't even need to turn around to know that her sister was rolling her eyes as she leaned against the door frame. She knew the redhead was right, but she didn't have the will or the courage to face this thing she had been running from for weeks and only one thought lived rent free in her mind. 

Y/N’s back.

Her head was spinning just remembering the moment she saw you again. You were thinner, you had more gray hair, and a couple of new wrinkles around your eyes, but you were still her Y/N, warm, simple, and unbelievably beautiful.

She didn't like to admit that she probably would have thrown herself into your arms without thinking if it weren't for Isabela, who had been faster than her. Things hadn’t been easy for her and her two remaining daughters, so the moment they saw you appear over the hill, the three of them had run out of the house not caring that the rest of the family looked at them in confusion.

Isabela didn't even bother to slow her run before she crashed into the open arms you offered her and your joyous laughter made her stomach feel weird, as if thousands of butterflies woke up inside her. You had shared many things in your letters during all those years, and for that time, Julieta allowed herself to think that it was enough, but the universe showed her how wrong she was when, having you in front of her once more, her heart seemed to cry happy tears, as if a piece of her had finally come back to complete her puzzle.

She didn't have time to think about it though, not when her precious Mirabel, now so big and beautiful, lunged at her, hiding her face in her neck, crying and telling her how much she had missed her. It took her brain a moment to recognize that the young woman in her arms was, in fact, her youngest daughter, her baby, but once that settled in her mind, it was like all the weight of the world was finally lifted from her shoulders.

"You're so beautiful, mija" she whispered, not even bothering to stop the tears that ran down her cheeks.

Mirabel had smiled waterily at her, whispering a soft thank you and saying again how much she had missed her. The girl dulled in her mother’s scent for a while, just trying to find the comfort she needed when she left so many years ago, and sighed happily before gasping and pulling away from her to run to the person behind her.

"Tía Pepa!!"

The brunette barely had a few seconds to laugh at the way her daughter was scooped up by the redhead before she herself was tackled by two familiarly strange and warm bodies.

"Tía Juli, look! I'm almost as tall as you!"

"Tía, tía, tía, I already know how to cook! And look! I cut my hair!"

"We brought you presents!"

"But mine are better because I love you more"

"Not true! I love her more!"

"No, I love her more!"

Julieta only managed to laugh softly while Joaquín and María clung to each of her arms and fought for her attention; they had five years of conversations to catch up with her after all. It really felt like time hadn't passed, even though your children were no longer the little babies she saw leaving that night. And then there was you.

You, who had smiled at her with complicity from your own tangle of hugs with Luisa and Isabela, you, who had been her rock, her pillar, and her cane even when you were so far away. You, who were stirring her entire being with your mere presence. You, who had approached her, hugged her when your children still held her arms hostage. You, who had whispered in her ear that little confession that haunted her dreams.

"I was dying to see you again, Eta...I missed you so much"

At that time, she had simply wriggled out of your children's grasp and returned the gesture, trying not to get lost on your warmth (even if she really wanted to cry), having you there was a huge relief, and all the stress and anxiety that had been eating at her insides for years was finally beginning to dissipate, her usually tormented mind was quickly being filled with a single thought: you were here.

"I missed you too" she managed to say, looking into your eyes with a small smile

"Yes, yes, will you get out of here please? There are people who also want to greet Y/N”

Julieta blinked a bit as her sister pulled her away from you and she didn't miss the way you looked at her half amused and half confused before returning Pepa's tight hug. She couldn't blame you, her sister had never been as close to you as she was, but she supposed that after everything that had happened since you left, the redhead's conception of you had changed. Well, at least you knew you had both of your sisters-in-law on your side.

“It's good to see you again, Pepa” you said as you separated “You haven't aged a bit…you don't even have gray hair! I need to know your secret"

"Oh, Y/N" she laughed "it's good to have you back"

"Her secret is to annoy me so that I’m the one getting gray hair and not her'' Julieta joked, crossing her arms.

You looked between the sisters while Pepa rolled her eyes and stuck out her tongue at the brunette, a gesture that the older triplet returned. Your mind struggled to catch up on it all, because you really couldn't remember the last time you'd seen them tease each other so openly, it was pretty cute.

The rest of the meeting was pretty adorable too. Joaquín and María used Félix as a climbing pole, while the man just laughed, Luisa and Isabela told you as much as they could, asking you questions while you tried to pay attention to both of them. Julieta thought that her daughter would ask about Agustín, or that she would be upset with her for their divorce, but Mirabel was quick to give her a hug and assure her that she didn't blame her or cared about him.

The brunette didn't have to wonder much where her youngest daughter was learning to handle the situation, because at that moment you intervened, gently squeezing the girl's shoulder.

"He couldn't bear to lose a daughter so he abandoned the other two? Math ain mathin" you said.

Julieta had just smiled gratefully at you as you winked at her, and for a moment everything felt good, like things were really starting to go back to normal, the way they should be. And then…then you saw Bruno. 

The moment your eyes locked on the man hiding behind his mother would never leave her mind. Your eyes, which had been filled with warmth and kindness to everyone, turned cold and filled with a deep sadness that you desperately tried to disguise as disgust. And yet, she couldn't even pretend that she felt bad for her brother.

"Y/N" the man greeted awkwardly, forcing a guilty smile "...you look good."

"Bruno" you answered dryly

The air was charged with an intense tension that everyone could feel in their bones, as if it could be cut with a knife, or as if one wrong move could shatter such a surreal scene into a thousand pieces.

"It's good to see you again"

"I wish I could say the same"

Julieta felt in her own chest the dagger that you were burying on Bruno, who at least had the decency to look at the ground with remorse, but she knew you better.

It wasn't that you wanted to be cruel to the man you had loved more than life, but precisely that love you had for him had hurt you too much, it had destroyed you and it had hurt your children too. You were only trying to protect the hearts you had worked so hard to repair.

"What are you doing here?" Alma asked, looking at you with hate

"I came to see my family" you answered with the most neutral voice you could, but your hands were shaking

"This is no longer your family"

"Mom-" the older triplet tried to intervene.

"You shut up!" The older woman yelled, making everyone jump "Wasn't it enough for you to help this damn woman break the family?! Now you welcome her back with open arms?! After she stole my grandchildren?! Your own daughter?!"

"I didn't steal anyone! They are my children" you defended yourself.

You really didn't want to cause a scene, especially with all the children present, and because more than once you had to comfort Mirabel after waking up to the recurring nightmare involving her grandmother yelling at her. But that woman drove you mad with extreme ease.

"They would have been better here!" Alma replied "Away from your wicked hands. They belonged here, they wanted to stay here!"

"That's not true! My children wanted to go with me!"

"You had no right! They are Bruno's children!"

"He abandoned them!" Julieta yelled, making everyone look at her.

She could feel her heart racing, blood pooling in her cheeks, and a single look at her brother told her that she had finished erasing the faint ghost of what had once been her relationship with him, but she didn't care.

She couldn't care, not when she could see out of the corner of her eye how Mirabel was hiding behind you, how Isabela tried her best to appear calm but her hands moved as if she could still command an army of plants to defend her sisters.

Not when she could see Pepa and Felix trying to create a weak barrier with their bodies between their children and Alma, when Dolores hugged Camilo as if he was a little child in the hope that no one would hurt her brother again.

And especially not when she could feel your own fear, sadness, and despair as Joaquín and María clung to her own sides, suddenly terrified of who had once been a loving grandmother to them. Everything was wrong, everything was damaged beyond repair, there was nothing left for her to break, but she still had a family, a broken one, but a family nonetheless and she had to protect them, no matter from whom.

"How dare you talk about your brother like that?" Alma whispered dangerously "how dare you when you allowed your daughter to be kidnapped?!" that seemed to wake you up.

"Bruno left without saying anything, without caring about us, Julieta just protected us, all of us" you said, placing a hand on your sister-in-law's shoulder.

You didn't know if it was a bad choice of words or action, perhaps both, but you could see the moment when your mother-in-law's eyes flashed with an intense fire fueled by hatred and resentment. You barely managed to see her hand in the air and by intuition you closed your eyes, waiting for the blow.

"Don't you ever dare-"

 But it never came.

"IT'S ENOUGH!" 

You opened your eyes to see Julieta holding Alma's hand firmly, preventing it from getting to you. Julieta, the golden daughter of the Madrigal family, the sweetest and most loving woman you'd ever meet, defying the woman who once commanded respect with her mere presence. Although, was it really respect? Or was it fear? You thought that, deep down, it was the latter.

It really was a surreal scene, as if everything was frozen around you. But a voice in the back of your mind told you that it shouldn't surprise you so much, after all, this was also the woman who had made one of the most difficult decisions of her life in order to protect her daughter, the one who had broken blood ties in order to keep the rest of her family safe, the one who, no matter how much it hurt her to be separated from her brother and mother, still got up every day for the others’ sake.

No, it definitely shouldn't surprise you that if anyone had the strength to face Alma and everything that entailed, it was precisely the one who was once the brightest star in the family constellation.

Julieta Madrigal was many things, beautiful, brave, strong, maternal, affectionate and loyal, but she also hid a wolf inside her, one that was already fed up with seeing how her pack was threatened. She was ready to get the fangs out, and you were beginning to see why the rest had trusted her to be the head of the family.

"You insolent-"

"I SAID THAT’S ENOUGH!" the brunette growled, still holding her mother's hand "I've been patient with you, mother, but not anymore."

You could hear a couple of gasps behind you, and you weren't too surprised when Pepa approached you like a scared little girl while Mirabel hugged her. If you didn't know that the miracle was gone, you would think that the icy wind that enveloped you was your sister-in-law’s fault.

"Let go, Julieta-"

"I'm not going to let you talk like that to Y/N" she replied, you could see that she was squeezing the older woman's hand tightly, and from Alma's expression, it was obvious that it hurt, but it seemed like no one could move as you witnessed "the next time you raise your hand to her, me, or anyone in this family, it will be the last time you have a family"

That was a sentence that you yourself could feel in your bones. There was absolutely no trace of compassion or kindness in the older triplet's voice, nor did it leave any doubt that she would keep her word. It was a perfect ultimatum, one that even Alma seemed to understand, because she didn't utter a word as her daughter released her and walked back to the house.

The rest of you looked at each other for a few seconds before Pepa, with Mirabel still in her arms, went after her sister, causing the rest to follow her, including your children, who passed by Bruno without even looking at him, and ran to reach the hands of their favorite aunt. Your mother-in-law just muttered something about going with the Guzmáns and she walked away, disappearing into the night.

Only you and Bruno were left, both looking at each other with surprise, doubt and a little fear. Your eyes seemed to ask a thousand questions but neither of you understood what they were. In the end, you simply sighed and lightly hugged the man who, you must have reminded yourself, was still your husband.

"This wasn't how I expected tonight to go" you confessed lightly.

"It was something that was destined to happen" he whispered "if this didn't explode before it was only because Juli always had the patience of a saint... but I guess everything has a limit"

"I'm so sorry" you said to yourself, guilt beginning to rise in you "if I hadn't-"

"Don't, it wasn't because of you" he smiled a little "...things have been tense between them since before I even met you."

"Really?" you frowned "but...it seemed like she was the favorite daughter"

"She was the closest to the perfect doll mom had in mind" he corrected you "And it only got worse when we turned 5"

"When you got the gifts?"

"Yes" he sighed and looked at his hands "Pepa and I suffered a lot for our gifts, but we always knew that Julieta had it worse"

"Why?"

"Because she's the one who looks the most like dad" he answered, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world "If she hadn't been born a woman, I assure you, she would be his living portrait"

You thought about it for a moment. You had seen Pedro Madrigal's portrait many times, and although you had never paid much attention to physical details, you had always believed that he radiated a warmth that you only knew from his eldest daughter. It made sense that Alma would have seen the ghost of her late husband in her, and at that moment, something clicked on you.

"And Julieta's gift allowed her to help the community like no one else could" you looked him in the eye "Despite the exhaustion and fatigue, she was always ready to help others... like your father"

"That's right" he agreed.

"But...her gift made her absorb others’ pain" you continued, with the pieces falling into place in your mind quickly "she was in constant suffering...Alma made her reenact Pedro's sacrifice every day"

"And Pepa and I couldn't do anything"

You looked at Bruno for a moment. Despite being the youngest, he looked terribly tired, his eyes swam in deep sadness, his hands trembled and he looked incredibly fragile. Your heart forgot all about anger and disappointment, and was quickly filled with the same affection you had felt for him the first time you met him, a tender and childish love, pure and sincere. He was a brother who felt guilty for not protecting his sister.

"You love her" you said, it wasn't a question.

"As you don't have an idea" he answered anyway "when I came back, it was her arms that I wanted to feel, not mom's" he admitted "but she was furious with me, and with good reason. I shouldn't have left, I shouldn't have left you or the children, I shouldn't have allowed mom to treat Mirabel like that...I should have done things differently...but that doesn't matter now"

You looked at him sympathetically and put a hand on his shoulder so that he looked at you. He seemed so lost, like a kid who has broken something and didn't know how to apologize to mom. Yes, there were too many things that maybe he could have done differently, you too. But that no longer mattered, time was not going to come back and all you could do was start walking towards the best option you had now, and you both knew that that option had a name.

"Have you tried talking to her?" you asked softly

"Mom is always by my side" he said "And I n-never have the courage to talk to her when we're alone, I…I just don't want her to hate me more"

"She doesn't hate you" you said immediately "she could never hate you... you're her baby brother, and we both know that deep down, there will always be a place in her heart for you, no matter how hard Alma tries to keep you from getting back on good terms with her."

"I feel like I've failed her too much" he murmured, looking at the ground "It doesn't matter what I do anymore, our relationship is broken beyond repair...B-but I love her, that's why I try to keep mom busy with me and leave the rest of us alone. I love her and Pepa, and-and I love our family, my nephews, my nieces, my children...and you"

Your cheeks warmed at the last words, and by the way his eyes looked everywhere but at you, you knew he hadn't expected that confession to slip out of him either, at least not at the moment. You smiled and hugged him again, trying not to let the discomfort touch you.

"Talk to her, Bruno" you said "I'm sure you can fix things...so can we" you smiled

He looked at you hopefully and slowly smiled back, walking silently beside you as you went back to the house. You both knew this wasn't a mend, that there was still too much going on between you, but at least you were headed in the right direction. After all, you'd already fallen in love with him once, who said it couldn't happen twice?

______________________

Except that the first time you hadn't had your sister-in-law's face on your mind, nor had you had a little five-year-old nephew rock your entire world with a simple question.

You really couldn't blame the little guy. Antonio was just a child trying to catch up with the changing situation of his family, he was learning to live with some cousins and an aunt he never knew and you knew you had to be patient with his questions.

You had to admit that he was adorable, and despite Pepa's teasing, it was nice to have him behind you all day. Joaquín and María had become his best friends immediately and it was obvious that he was replacing your son as Mirabel's favorite cousin.

Speaking of your children, both of them were making a titanic effort to stay away from their grandmother, but they were spending more and more time with their father, which seemed to be the first steps towards Bruno becoming part of the "good side" of the family again, as the children liked to call it.

Your relationship with him was still in the mending process, but at least you could say you were friends again, which seemed to relieve Pepa, one less battle to fight between her siblings, you guessed.

The problem was Julieta.

She was still your favorite sister-in-law and your best friend, without a doubt, but things were starting to get weird for you when you realized that she was slowly becoming your favorite person too. You seemed unable to stop your smile every time you saw her and your heart raced when you heard her laugh.

It was a terribly familiar and terrifying feeling, because you knew that she shouldn't have that effect on you, that you shouldn't feel with her what you once felt with Bruno. And yet you couldn't stop.

As much as you tried to lie to yourself, it was obvious that you were always trying to be with her, whether it was helping her cook or just chatting with her over coffee, it didn't matter, you just wanted to be close to her. You felt bad for a while, but then you started noticing the way she would blush every time you smiled at her or how she would look at you when she thought you weren't paying attention.

You were both playing a dangerous game, but it somehow felt so…natural, like that was the only logical path for you. You didn't expect that to be confirmed by the miracle itself.

It was one afternoon when, a few days after finishing the reconstruction of Casita, you and Julieta were sitting in the kitchen, just talking, you were telling her about the first dress that Mirabel made when Camilo ran in, his eyes full of emotion and fear in equal measure.

"Tías, you have to come quickly" he told you

"What's going on?" Julieta asked, even as you both were already getting up

"You have to see it for yourself"

You and the brunette looked at each other curiously for a second before hurrying after your older nephew. The rest of the family was already there and you only had to look in the same direction to understand the commotion. The candle was back.

Well, not exactly. The candle itself was there, but it was out. Still, you knew what that could mean for your family, you knew what they could get back if they managed to make it shine again. The question was, how?

"Mom, you have to take it" Mirabel said excitedly

"What?"

"Think about it Juli" Pepa agreed "you're the new head of the family, you should be the one to protect the candle now... right?"

"I… I guess"

Julieta looked at you for a moment, and you could see the doubt and anxiety in her eyes, so you just smiled and nodded, hoping that was enough comfort for her. The brunette returned your smile before approaching the candle. Her hands trembled and you did not doubt that memories of when she received her gift, more than 45 years ago, passed through her mind.

You all held your breath as the older triplet's hands carefully took hold of the candle and a current passed through you. It was soft and warm, just like a tickle. You waited a moment, but nothing else happened. You could see the disappointment in the rest of the family, especially the brunette, but they all faked supportive smiles.

"Maybe we need to call-"

"No Juli, we don't need her"

You were a bit surprised by Pepa's tone, but you could understand. Alma hadn't been back since the night you returned to Encanto, taking refuge with the Guzmans ever since. It hurt a little that this distanced Dolores from Mariano, but no one could deny that everyone breathed more peace since she was gone. It didn't seem strange to you that they refused to call her now.

"It's because tía Y/N isn’t close" Antonio said suddenly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Excuse me?" you blinked

"Abuela's candle was lit because Abuelo loved her" the boy explained.

You all looked at him like he was growing another head, but deep down, you all wanted to know the reasoning behind that little head. After all, the little ones always have the most creative solutions.

"What does that have to do with tía Y/N, Antonio?" Mirabel asked softly

"Tía Y/N loves tía Julieta" he said "the candle has to light if she's around her girlfriend, right?"

You didn't even need Dolores' gift to hear a pin drop, not when the room was deathly silent. You looked at Julieta out of the corner of your eye and you could see that her face was redder than a tomato, and you doubted that you were better. Your heart was racing like crazy, your hands were sweating and you could feel the anxiety building up in you.

How could a five-year-old boy understand better than you the forbidden feelings that had been blooming in you for your sister-in-law? Had you been too obvious? Did the others notice it too? God, you didn't even want to look at Bruno.

"Mami! mami!"

María's voice brought you out of your thoughts and you looked at her worriedly. Your daughter just looked at you in amazement and pointed with her little hand to the place where your attention should be. You hadn't even realized that you had approached Julieta, but now you were facing each other, with the candle between you and a small flame sprouting. 

“It can’t be” you heard Isabela whispering while Pepa gasped

The moment you took a step back, the small flame went out. The brunette looked at you for a second before slowly approaching you again, causing the candle to relight. It wasn't a strong, magical glow like the one it had before the whole disaster, but it was a promise that you’d get the miracle back.

Except that neither you nor Julieta wanted to think about what the miracle was asking of you, or what that meant for both of you and your respective families.

[ashwhowrites]

miscommunication I LOVE IT SM ,

eddie and reader are best friends, he sees reader talking to gareth & gareth tells eddie he has a crush on someone , automatically eddie assumes its the reader so he feels hurt that gareth would “like her” but really shes helping gareth talk to her sister & eddie stops talking to them and kicks reader & gareth out of hellfire , hes angry for weeks so he blows off dates and movie days even when reader shows up to his house with flowers 5 times he still blows her off waynes upset at eddie too. , until theyre having a party eddie wasn’t invited to but dustin brought him , thats when he finds out everything cuz sees reader all by herself in the kitchen while gareth is with her sister , he thinks its gareth that made her sad but really it was him.

A few random notes!

I would like to personally thank everyone for being so patient with me. It's been a few months since I've written a longish fic so this may be incredibly rusty! I hope it's still worth reading.

To the anon who requested, if you even remember requesting this ( it's been a hot minute since you sent it in...) Thank you so much for being patient with this!! I hope you like it and it's what you wanted :)

Thank you to everyone who supports my work :)

I'm excited to finally get a fic out! I hope you guys like it <3

Never proofread

Y/N spent her time with two people, and usually those two people only. Her two best friends, Gareth and Eddie. The three were always together, but weren't afraid to be a part. Eddie and Gareth liked their guy time, where they talked about girls and the band. She enjoyed talking to Gareth about her huge crush on Eddie. And Gareth liked to talk to her about his crush, Y/N's sister. And her time alone with Eddie? Wasn't ever friendly. There were lingering gazes, cuddling, his hand on her thigh and her hand in his hair. He listened closely, always kissing her forehead when she cried. She could talk about anything with him. He never judged her, made everything she said feel important. And one thing she wasn't used to- he made her feel loved and made her emotions feel valid.

Her heart raced too fast for them to be friends. But Eddie wasn't easy to read, she had no idea if he was into her or just was a flirty friend.

Gareth wanted help with asking out Y/N's sister, Steph, which she jumped at the opportunity. Her brain needed a break from Eddie and her feelings for him.

Gareth first planned to go to Eddie but figured Eddie's too chicken to admit his feelings, how would he be any help? Plus it's Y/N's sister, she'll know every detail he needs to win over Steph.

~~

Eddie wasn't quite sure what happened. Or how he was so blind. Gareth and Y/N started to get closer out of nowhere. Suddenly sitting side by side at lunch, whispering to each other. Shoving shoulders as they passed in the halls. Even during Eddie's alone time with Y/N, Gareth finds a way to be there. Did Eddie not see a sign? He never once saw Gareth as Y/N's type. And Y/N definitely wasn't Gareth's type. So what was going on?

But sadly all the pieces fit when Gareth admitted he had a crush.

"okay man, so I got this crush on this girl right? She's going to be at a party this weekend and I think I'm going to go for it" Gareth smiled.

Eddie felt his heart sink into his stomach. Gareth had a crush, and it was obvious who the crush was on.

"what party?" Eddie wondered, he wasn't invited to any party.

"some popular chick, no idea what her name is. But Y/N invited me" Eddie has never once wanted to punch his best friend across the face, but the smug smile on Gareth's lips was way too tempting.

Y/N invited Gareth, to a party. Not a single word mentioned to Eddie. A party that was this weekend, five days away and she hasn't said a word. But asked Gareth?

His two best friends liked each other

~~

Eddie was acting weird. It was the middle of the week and Y/N has barely seen him. He stopped coming to lunch, he never opened his front door when she pounded on it for hours, and he won't answer her calls.

She wasn't sure what happened but tonight was hellfire and she planned to get answers.

~~

Y/N and Gareth headed to hellfire earlier than the rest, knowing Eddie would be setting up. They wanted to get him alone to ask why he was avoiding both of them.

"Hey Eds?" She said softly, walking further in the room, eyes catching that there were two chairs missing.

"wait, who's not coming?" Gareth questioned

"You two are out. " Eddie said flat, not bothering to look at them as he dug out his notebook

"OUT?" Gareth yelped out

"wait why? Tonight is too important for us to be out" Y/N aruged

"I want you guys out of my club" Eddie said, eyes finally looking at his two "best friends"

He knew he was being an idiot. Taking his feelings out on them. Not giving either a chance to explain themselves. He also knows he hasn't given Y/N the time of the day or night.

He kept trying to shrug off Wayne's disapproving look when Eddie refused to open the door. Y/N screaming his name on the other side. One night Wayne came in with flowers and a note for Eddie. Eddie knew exactly who they were from. It was the same flowers he got every year, for their friendiversary. Something Y/N always demanded they celebrated together. He remembers the angry look in Wayne's eyes as he threw the flower right back outside.

"It is not just your club!" Y/N's sharp tone snapped Eddie out of his thoughts. Blinking slowly as he looked at both of them.

"yeah. We've been in this club together since the beginning of high school. We have just as much importance to our club as you do" Gareth stood his ground.

"I'm the leader, you two are just like the rest of the sheep. My word goes" Eddie fought back, crossing his arms as he puffed out his chest. Trying to ignore the sad look that came across Y/N's face.

"You know what? Fine" Y/N snapped, slamming the door behind her as she marched out.

"dude! What's your fucking problem?" Gareth snapped. The coldness Eddie has been giving them was uncalled for.

"I don't have a fucking problem. Go follow your little girlfriend and get the fuck out" Eddie snapped, turning around to pretend to look for something. Not looking as the door slammed again.

~~

Saturday arrived

Gareth was in his room, searching for his best clothes.

Y/N covered her lips in Eddie's favorite red gloss.

And Eddie found himself in his bedroom, strumming his guitar. He hasn't talked to either of his friends since the big blowout. Thursday and Friday passed with glares and silence. A lonely Friday night in his room, a night that was usually filled with giggles and weed when Y/N slept over every single weekend. But once again, Eddie refused to open the door.

His two friends were going on a date to a big party and Eddie was going to spend his Saturday night driving Dustin to whatever friends house and going back home to smoke alone.

~~

"and it's that house!" Dustin pointed out, excitedly bouncing in his seat as Eddie pulled up.

"Dustin, this is a huge party! How did you get invited?" Eddie scoffed. Even a fucking freshmen was getting invited to parties. Is this the one Gareth and Y/N were at? Eddie felt his stomach turn thinking of them dancing on the inside.

"a family friend. Come in?" Dustin asked, shutting the door before Eddie could even answer.

Eddie wasn't sure why, but he followed.

~~

"you got this! She likes you. Be yourself, good luck" Y/N squealed, shoving Gareth ahead. A proud smile on her face.

She watched from across the room, a full drink in her hand. Smiling as she watched Gareth walk up to her sister. Barely one word in and the two were smiling like idiots. It made her think of Eddie. She missed him.

She watched them hug, smile slowly falling. She missed Eddie's hugs. She missed his smell and how warm he was.

Then they giggled. She missed laughing with Eddie. Getting high in his bedroom. She looked at Eddie like he held the stars and now she can't even look at him without needing to cry.

And once she saw them kiss, that's when the tears fell.

~~

He doesn't know how but his eyes found her in seconds. She stood alone, holding a cup. Eddie could tell she was sad. Her body language was slouched and small.

He may have been pissed at her, but he'd always care.

"aren't you supposed to be having fun at parties?" He chuckled, sliding right next to her, not bothering to see what she was watching so closely.

"aren't you supposed to be ignoring me?" she snapped. Her eyes not leaving Gareth. If she looked at Eddie, she'd break down.

"that's fair" he swallowed. He's been an ass, he can't expect a joke to make things better.

Eddie finally looked to where she was staring, his eyes going hard when he saw Gareth kissing another girl

Wait! ......that wasn't just a girl

That was Y/N's sister

"I'm gonna kill him" Eddie snapped, planning to march forward when Y/N grabbed his hand

"hey. What? Why?" Y/N panicked

"HE'S CHEATING!" Eddie yelled, looking at her like she grew two heads. But not releasing her hand.

"what! No he's not" Y/N slightly chuckled. Feeling her tears starting to dry. Just feeling his skin made everything feel better.

"then why are you crying?" Eddie asked

"I'm not" she quickly lied. Dropping his hand to clear off her face quickly

"yes you were. You were looking at him and crying. You like him right? And he's kissing your sister" Eddie explained

"I do NOT like him" Y/N laughed, that was just ridiculous

"what? You guys have been sneaking off and always together" Eddie tried to explain. How was he seeing this situation wrong?

"he wanted to ask out my sister, I was helping" She explained, a small smile on her face as his puppy eyes looked confused.

"your sister? Crush? Not you?" Eddie blabbed out. He couldn't lie, he felt his body fill with relief. He tried not to think about what they did when he wasn't around but asking out Steph was nowhere near his radar.

"no? Why would he like me?" Y/N scoffed. A boy hasn't liked her since forever. Not that she cared. She just wanted the confusion boy across from her to like her.

"because it's you!" Eddie explained like it was common knowledge.

Y/N felt her face warm but tried not to get her hopes up.

"Can we talk? Somewhere quiet? Or are we still ignoring each other?" She asked, shyly looking at him. Eddie hated the small sad smile on her face. All Eddie had to do was talk to his best friends and all his unnecessary drama could have been avoided.

"yeah. I have my van" Eddie offered an encouraging smile, grabbing her hand again and leading her out to the front yard.

~~

"what happened?" Y/N spoke first, breaking the silence.

"I thought you and Gareth liked each other and I got upset" Eddie sighed, hearing himself admit it made him feel dumb.

"Eds, even if we did, we wouldn't stop hanging out with you. We'll always be best friends" Y/N explained, holding Eddie's hand softly.

"that's not what made me upset, baby" Eddie admitted, refusing to make eye contact.

"then what? Got a crush on Gareth or something?" She joked, laughing to herself.

"he's not the one I have a crush on" Eddie confessed, he could feel his palms getting sweaty. The hand she was holding was shaking slightly. Her thumb rubbed his hand softly.

"oh"

Eddie deflated at her response. Of course she wasn't interested. He was dumb for being upset and he was dumb for liking her

"I'm sorry. I know we are friends and that's all we will be" Eddie followed after. A fake smile on his face as he looked at her. Ignoring that his heart raced. He noticed her lips covered in his favorite gloss. He wanted to taste her.

"that's not true. That's not all we can be" she said, leaning a little closer. " Gareth isn't the one I have a crush on either" She winked, a small smile on her face.

Eddie blinked at her blankly. Was she saying she liked him?

"...you like me?" Eddie squeaked out

"yes I do. But I like you a little bit less after the way you treated me and Gareth" she teased lightly, but still meaning her words

"yeah, I'm sorry. That was just a dick move. You guys didn't deserve that"

"We didn't. Ignoring us? Kicking us out of hellfire? You have a lot of ass kissing to do" this time she wasn't teasing. And he could tell.

"I know. I fucked up and I'll earn my forgiveness from the both of you" Eddie promised

"why didn't you accept the flowers?" Her thumb stopped moving on his hand. Her eyes looked away from his as she felt her throat burn. The same horrible feeling in her stomach when she saw her flowers crumpled up in his front yard

"that was very uncalled for and I'm incredibly sorry for acting like that. I was being pathetic and taking everything out on you and I shouldn't have. The flowers were beautiful. Wayne totally chewed out my ass for the past week" Eddie admitted. He was embarrassed of how he acted. Truthfully, the next night when it began to storm, he raced out and collected the flowers. The flowers now sat on his bedside table.

"I'm glad he did. Your ass deserved it. Gareth's been waiting also" She laughed, using her free hand to poke his side.

"I think he'll be a little too busy for that" Eddie joked, throwing a wink.

"but on a serious note, Gareth deserves an apology too. We also deserve our spots in hellfire. And we deserve respect for our roles in it. And you have to plan a celebration of our anniversary"

"done, done, done and definitely done" Eddie said, checking off imaginary boxes

"you do understand that you hurt my feelings, right? That you have to make up for that? You need to make it up to me as a friend before we ever try to be anything more" Y/N explained

"I understand and I agree. I want to make it up to you, and Gareth. I'm going to make it up to you, I promise. Then I'm gonna sweep you off of your feet" Eddie smirked, a horrible wink sent her way that caused her to giggle

"be ready to put in the time and work, won't be easy Munson" she smirked back, leaning to kiss his cheek.

"I've got all the time in the world, baby" he smiled, loving that his favorite gloss now covered his cheek

He can make it up to Gareth later, right now his focus was on her.

Tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire

[mer-acle]

You’ve mentioned little things Athena remembers about Metis in fighting to be loved, which makes me wonder how well Athena remembers her and their time together? Also do you have any idea what that was like, inside Zeus? It’s difficult to flesh out because it’s so weird so I don’t blame you if you have no idea. But… if you’re somehow looking for more ways to traumatise her… making those conditions as torturous as possible, enough to make Metis’s (kind of) death a mercy, that would be a very good by which I mean evil thing to explore.

(if you get this ask twice I’m sorry my browser crashed while I was trying to write it first)

Interesting question for sure (that's what I say when I don't have a perfect answer lol)

The thing about Athena's memories is that even the stuff she cannot clearly remember is covered by her Timedive/Objective Memory powers, so by now she has a pretty comprehensive understanding of pretty much everything that went down during her formative years (so healthy I am sure, always knowing everything. Seriously no wonder the owl is kinda broken atp). I think I'll make her original memories of that time kind of fragmented and dreamlike (for angst purposes) even if what she remembered in FtbL so far probably are "real" memories anyway. Due to working on FtbL and an AU that will also cover that part at the same time, I am still unsure what part of my hc will be applied to the former.

I really haven't thought too much about the conditions inside of Zeus (bc as you said it's fucking weird) I remember reading a fic that really leaned into the horror of just being inside of stomach acid the entire time which like woah. good stuff but idk if I wanna go there for FtbL lol I also remember a version where Metis already ended up in Zeus' head from the beginning (brain? we don't know her either way) so maybe I can do something with that... idk yet. Ideas welcome though :D

[basu-shokikita]

Kloktober 2024 Day 1

Your Favorite Character

Hi! Kloktober is back and so am I, it seems. I wasn't really thinking of participating this year but my friends got me hyped weeks ago so this time around I could actually get prepared in advance.

For today's entry, you will never guess who I decided to write about. That's right, Dimneld Selftcar- Toki. Just a short little thing to get things started~ ♡

Here's to you, Toki! And happy start of Kloktober! ⚙️

Toki never felt like he belonged. With his family, with religion, with his country even. He always felt like an outsider in his own life. 

And his parents made sure he wouldn’t forget that. The children in their commune seemed fairly normal, or at least a little more loved than he was. Their parents would actually hug them, whereas the only time his mother held his hand was that time he almost tripped and almost fell into the frozen lake.

During the short period of time where his parents allowed him to go to the local school, he was a total outcast too. The kids made fun of him for being weird, for not knowing enough about the world, for being shy. Toki only realized he was being bullied when he preferred being punished by his parents for missing school than going there. 

He never managed to make any friends in his town, either. Toki knew it and his parents knew it. He didn’t belong.

_

He couldn’t have been any younger than 8 years old when he woke up in the middle of the night because of his tendency to have nightmares. He thought it would be like any other night, where he had to count the stars until he fell asleep. 

That night, though, the sky was different. One of the stars shone way brighter and bigger than the others, leaving a glowing path on its way. It was the most beautiful thing Toki had ever seen, like something out of the fairy tale books he had read at school. If he remembered correctly, that was a shooting star, and you could make a wish if you saw one.

And so, Toki clasped his hands together and closed his eyes. He wished to find somewhere he belonged. To find his own calling, far away from here. To be destined for something greater than a life of being punished and feeling guilt. 

Toki wished to be just like a shooting star.

–

He was freezing, the blanket he had found abandoned in the trash shared between the stray cats and him. His stomach rumbled and he tried to recount the last time he ate something remotely decent. Probably that half-eaten energy bar from 2 days ago. 

He wanted to sleep to forget his hunger and cold, but it was exactly those two things that kept him awake. Toki alternated between shorts periods of unconsciousness and opening his eyes to the same sight he had grown accustomed to. A back alley, a couple of trash bins, his dirty guitar and more stray cats than he could name surrounding him.

It was as he patted a calico for a lack of a better distraction, that he raised his gaze to the sky. The beautiful Florida sky was stunning as always, with its nocturnal lights and mysterious clouds, Toki often lost himself in its colors and vastness.

So, when he spotted a shooting star, he couldn’t help but smile. Even if he hadn’t found his place in the world yet, he felt reassured. He was already out of that household, free of the shackles his family had placed on him. 

Music had been his ticket out of a miserable predetermined destiny, and it would be his way into his new life, that much he knew. 

And, no matter what, no matter when, he would find it.

–

They had been arguing about the direction of the new album for hours to no avail. And by that, he meant that they were negotiating with Charles a new concept for an album that was completely improvised from scratch at every concert. Well, Toki was mostly listening, except not really because he was using his new coloring book and drawing brutal shapes on it.

Eventually, though, the racket exhausted him and he walked away to keep coloring by the window of their conference room, away from all the passionate shouting. It was kind of comfortable like this, just being in his own world while the guys were right next to him, and he wouldn’t have noticed anything else if a sparkle hadn’t caught his eye. 

It was so small that he wouldn’t have recognized it if he hadn’t seen it before. Fleeting and almost minuscule in the now distant sky outside of Mordhaus. A shooting star, greeting Toki after all these years. Almost as if to ask Toki how he was doing, how his life had gone. 

If his dreams had come true.

And Toki turned around to see Nathan shaking Charles by the collar shirt, Pickles smugly encouraging the violence, Skwisgaar improvising on his guitar to show he didn’t need to write anything beforehand and Murderface threatening to kill himself if anything went wrong. So chaotic, so incomprehensible and yet so weirdly endearing to watch too.

He looked back at the star and nodded. The shooting star winked at him before fading away, leaving a colorful trail of happiness in its wake. Toki put down his coloring book and joined the rest of Dethklok, yelling his list of demands to Charles as well. 

He had found it, the place where he belonged.  

[pythoness94]

Okay, so, I was talking with an IRL friend earlier and we were talking about our autism and it's weird fucking traits. For example, me being unable to stand the texture or smell of black jeans so i have to wear really loose big one that i roll the pants leg up off. Or for them, being unable to stand the feeling of hair on their face and sometimes being hyper aware of it on their scalp. So, while we were talking, I was thinking Mike Wheeler...

One thing that really stuck out to me was how we view our heart beats. I've had a lot of near death experiences and I like feeling my heart. I like that feeling of my heart in my throat, i like hearing it in my ears, I absently check my pulse during conversation or if i'm feeling anxious. If i can't go to sleep at night, i roll on my stomach and feel my heart in my chest and lower throat. I like to feel it. My friend, however, is actively sickened by it. They cannot stand the feeling of it; they basically get the ick by it and don't like touching their wrist period. And imagine this with Mike and Will.

I might be projecting but I've almost drowned on multiple occasions and have fallen from heights, (Not quarry heights but enough to make me scared of falling, drowning, and hospitals. Remember those near-death experiences, they're no demodogs but still.) So, imagine Mike being comforted by his and Will's hearts. Imagine Mike feeling his pulse whenever he can to make sure he's still ALIVE. That all those near deaths didn't matter, that he survived. A Demogorgon chases them and once they get away, Mike's fingers aren't only on his wrist but whoever was with them. he's looking at their chests to make sure they're breathing. Checking to see if they're blood still pumping and their cheeks are rosy. Imagine that Mike loves the feeling of adrenaline in his veins because it means he's breathing, he's still here. He is desperate to remember his life

However, imagine Will being sickened by it. Imagine Will, who was forced to listen to his own heartbeat on the monitor while mind flayed, being unable to stand the feeling of his own heart. That when he feels his heart in his throat, he can only think of coughing up that slug. That when fingers on are his wrist he pulls his wrist away because it makes him think of doctors and people prodding at him like he's just science to them now. When he feels the adrenaline in his veins he hates it because it makes him think of his time in the upside down. Then after Vecna strangles him, he can't stand anything near his neck because of it, much less hands. Will would be content to ignore that he had a heart at all honestly.

Now imagine Mike keeps reaching for Will's wrist to check if he's alive, he keeps going for the neck, or trying to put a hand on Will's chest. Then Will goes to snap at him in irritation only to see pure panic and teary eyes on Mike's face because Mike needs to know if Will is real or not. He needs to know if this is happening or if it's vecna and why isn't Will letting him? Was it something he did? did he mess up again? he thought they were good! And Will puts everything aside for a moment, just so Mike can make sure. Then for the first time in awhile, Will doesn't mind the hands on his wrist. His body warms like he's standing in front of a fire on a winters day as Mike's body heat soaks into his skin. he thinks, 'hey, maybe it's not so bad." So from then on, Will hands his wrist to Mike automatically, but keeps pulling it away from anyone else. It would be...so cool!

[talanashta]

Gender Euphoria

I'm late (only discovered this event today), but have my lil fill for day 2 @stevieweek! Prompt was "gender euphoria," but it can also (probably) fill "first dress."

Rating: G | CWs: Dysphoria | Word Count: 707 | Pairing: Gen (or can be read as one-sided Stobin)

“It’s shocked me to my core, but I like you. I really like you. But I’m not like your other friends, and I’m not like Nancy Wheeler.”

“Robin. That’s exactly why I like you.”

“Tammy Thompson. I wanted her to look at me.”

“But Tammy Thompson’s a girl… Oh.”

It’d been months since their conversation on the floor of the men’s bathroom at the Starcourt movie theater, and Steve still couldn’t get it out of his head. At first, he’d thought maybe he was still weird about Robin liking girls, but that didn’t feel right. He’d thought maybe it was his crush on her, but he respected her boundaries. She was his best friend, and that was perfect! He’d never had anyone like her in his life before. Tommy used to be his best friend, and he’d never even come close to how much Steve and Robin clicked.

Steve spent night after night staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark, forced to contemplate it. It was that or think about the nightmares. He’d been, not sad, something else, when Robin essentially told him she didn’t like him back because he was a boy. It wasn’t how being turned down normally felt. This was like a throbbing ache in his chest and a hollowness in his stomach. It felt like being called bullshit by Nancy. Like he was wrong. Then the tears started falling.

He only let himself cry like this in the dark of his room with his parents away. Great heaving sobs where his breath hitched, clutching at his chest like he wanted to rip it open to tear out the negative feelings.

All his thoughts swirled through his head like he was drowning in them, being whisked away in a flood.

He remembered all the times he had felt like this in the past. How sometimes, with his skin crawling, he’d rush to the bathroom and frantically shave all his body hair to feel safe and normal. How his voice dropping had made him scream into his pillow at night. How he’d rub his fingers over and over his mother’s silkiest dresses when his parents were gone.

He’d explained it all away. He got used to being hairless during swimming, so of course, it felt weird having it back during the off-season. Alongside voice changes, puberty caused strong emotions from hormones (or something like that; that’s what the guidance counselor said during sex ed), so of course, he had the urge to scream sometimes. He missed his parents, but especially his mom, so of course, he wanted to feel close to her by grabbing the hem of her dress like he would when he was little.

It was all adding up, though, and sure, he wasn’t good at math, but he could add two plus two. All those times when he stared at girls’ hair and makeup a little too long feeling envious of how pretty they were. How much care and attention he paid to his own hair, keeping it as long as his father would let him.

Maybe he was… a girl? He- she- she decided to test her idea.

In the dark of night, she padded down the stairs to her parents’ room. She looked through her mother’s closet for a dress that looked like it might fit. She grabbed the first one she found in a stretchy fabric and headed to the ensuite.

The drawers on the right held her mother’s makeup, and while she didn’t quite know how to put it all on, she’d seen Nancy and her mother do it enough times that she could make a decent guess.

She pulled the dress over her head, fluffed her hair, and started in on the makeup. It felt right wrong right, so she leaned in as close to the mirror as she could so she couldn’t see the whole image. Just focused on applying the eyeshadow, liner, blush, lipstick. Until there was nothing left. Until she had to step back from the mirror.

She burst out into tears again, instantly ruining her work. Mascara ran down her cheeks. But her heart soared. She felt like she’d float away into the stars.

She’d never looked more like herself.

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

art by em year in review 2024!

i find myself surprised i drew much at all this year considering the circumstances (completing a bachelor's degree. concerts. international trip. starting a phd. general state of world.) however, for the fifth time i am happy to present my yearly retrospective.

as always, reflections under the cut.

jan: i feel like my weakest pieces always happen in january 😭 this was definitely one of those where concept > execution; some of this feels woefully flat and i wasn't too enthused about how herc looked. oh well. that was literally one of the only things i drew in january

feb: one of the developments that came about this year in my drawing was that of my cartoon/comic style, because i wanted to have a record of all the funny shit that happens in my music life. i've continually been surprised at the reception of it online haha. tita conductor is OUR internet microcelebrity now i guess

mar: ah, the douglas seventh wheels the hercolyn wedding fic i've been saying i'd write for almost two years. well, that actually got written and will go up later this week. but anyway, Hurt That Old Man!

apr: in which some professor of media studies with a slide whistle chose to examine a 160-year-old novel through the lens of an intergenerational relationship, and i took it personally. i was not drawing a lot during this time, so i was naturally falling back on my favorite subjects, namely. herc and linda. so much for branching out this year LMAO

may: a pen test for my graduation gift to tita conductor (finished version here, which she loved so much she couldn't stop talking about it when we next saw each other in september). someone once said to me 'it's weird that you can draw her from memory.' i replied 'looking at her is kind of part of the job description.'

jun: drawing theresa is probably one of the ways through which i measure my art progress, given that out of all the character designs i have (bar one, which i don't share on this blog for Reasons) hers is the one that has stuck around the most persistently. the grey is here to stay‼️

jul: i drew this one while having stomach problems in the philippines 😭 but something about the philippines (and like. being around people of my ethnic background on a daily basis) made me think a lot about my character designs for the soft-shoe-shuffle trio, so i wanted to do something with them a bit

aug: for all i talk about martin i sure never draw him, ever 😂 it's probably not obvious, but i was trying painting an base layer rather than an overlay (which i've been using pretty consistently since last year). in the future, i want to experiment more with coloring: i think i've not been eager to touch that part in my art and that needs to change. also pour one out for what i almost captioned it:

if i got onto a plane and i saw a twink in that mfing pilot seat i'm jumping off 😐🤚🏻‼️

sept: the piece that got the most attention this year i think. i'm not sure how well it came across that douglas is supposed to be ever so slightly horny in this one. oh well. it was funny.

oct: i think it was this piece that made me start to realize that i have kind of developed a problem with making everyone's faces super long. which. i don't really know how that happened. anyway this is really cute still. read the theresa-becomes-a-pilot fic.

nov: omg guys remember when i was obsessed with the theresa-maxi dynamic. well it came back for a blazing second of glory in november. maybe it'll come back to me again for good. we'll see

dec: again, familiar subjects during a tumultuous time. not much of note here, except i have noticed myself getting very lazy with lighting recently. also i wrote a fic about this.

overall: going into the new year, i think the whole 'making everyone's faces look super long' thing needs to be addressed; otherwise, as stated earlier, i really should start experimenting with coloring and base layers and shading and lighting.

thank you everyone! and a happy new year to all!

[thecleverqueer]

Pure speculation and likely a lot of head canon, but this is how I think everything likely happened between Ahsoka and Sabine…

(While I think the Master/ Padawan relationship was the best complex relationship to explore with Ahsoka since a romance or her own child would be super lame and out of character, it is odd that Filoni chose Sabine. But, part of me thinks that it all either clicked in his head and he assumed we all knew what happened, or he wrongfully thought Fandom could fill in the blanks)

Anyway, here goes:

In my mind, and likely right after the Battle of Lothal, Ahsoka showed up there looking for Ezra as promised to find a broken Sabine trying to hold it together after losing 1/3 of her Ghost Family to death/ disappearance and the other 2/3 to the larger Rebellion. Sabine had made a promise to watch over Lothal, and that was what she was primarily committed to doing. Ahsoka and Sabine likely trauma bonded pretty quickly, and began going on adventures together in Ahsoka’s T-6 shuttle with Huyang (who I think likely joined up with Ahsoka early on in the Rebellion. It is my theory that he was the one that inevitably rescued her from Malachor).

One of their first adventures was likely a failed attempt to find Ezra (this is what I think they were probably doing during a New Hope).

After being unable to find their long lost friend, Ahsoka and Sabine likely helped the Rebellion when necessary, but were probably more likely just helping people or pockets of resistance than fighting the Empire directly. Anakin’s betrayal shattered Ahsoka in many ways, and the politics behind it all likely twisted her stomachs (yeah, togs have two of those). Sabine probably liked this better as well because it reminded her of a simpler time with the Ghost Crew.

They likely met Luke Skywalker for the first time during this time. Hera likely kept in close contact with Sabine, and she told her about the destruction of the first Death Star. And while Ahsoka was likely incredibly reluctant to disclose any details about her fallen Master, Sabine knew his name and Luke’s existence intrigued Ahsoka (albeit probably also weirded her out a bit where she was unwilling to stay around for too long).

All the while, Sabine likely needled Ahsoka to train her as a Jedi. She probably mentioned it often, and dropped it into conversations frequently. Sabine would want to cling to something that reminded her of Kanan and Ezra, having been raised by the former and grown up alongside the latter. Ahsoka probably saw something within Sabine, possibly a force spark. There were teases in Rebels that Sabine had very slight sensitivities to the force (rewatch “The Trials of the Dark Saber” arc and the “Wolves and the Door” / “World between Worlds” arc as reference, and REALLY squint). A reluctant Ahsoka probably thought to herself, “What the hell, right? She’s not THAT force sensitive! It’s not as if her power will damn the galaxy to fall into a sinking hole of darkness if the worst aspects of my dumpster fire of a lineage seep into her by my teachings.”

Ahsoka likely began to impart her wisdom on Sabine, but was not fully committed to it herself. Ahsoka looked at her legacy and saw a wake of death and destruction that shook her to her core. She thought of her time fighting in the Clone Wars being trained more as a warrior than a Jedi (likely the source of her “I’m no Jedi” sentiments; questions and concerns more than a lack of commitment to the ideology or code). She remembered encountering her older self in the cave on Mortis, warning her that the seeds of darkness were planted inside her by her master. It scared her. Also knowing exactly what happened to her master at that point (with the knowledge of Luke’s existence), she likely became even more cold, stoic and detached; fearful that her own attachments to people could make her vulnerable to the temptation of the darkness.

Their adventures continued… but then, the destruction of Mandalore happened.

As soon as Sabine caught wind of this, she flew furiously off of the rails as Sabine does. Sabine was always impulsive and emotional. She wanted to take the Empire on, full-frontal once again. Ahsoka likely contacted Bo-Katan to assess the situation, and to see if there was anything that they could do to help. Bo-Katan told Ahsoka that it was a lost cause, and to protect Sabine at all costs (Ursa’s dying request for maximum pain), one of the few remaining Mandalorians and the last remaining member of Clan Wren. Sabine and Ahsoka fought hard, loudly and contemptuously about this. Ahsoka tried to reason with Sabine, but she wanted to go scorched-Earth. Sabine’s rage panicked Ahsoka. Ahsoka stayed to keep Sabine in check on Lothal until the dust settled, and then Ahsoka left without a word. Sabine thought that it meant that Ahsoka didn’t trust her to do the right thing, or to fight for the right causes. Ahsoka thought if Sabine had any capacity to use the force, this deep-seated anger and her inability to let go could become problematic.

Sabine remained on Lothal to keep her promise to Ezra, broken and downtrodden. With Ahsoka and her family gone, and with Hera, Zeb, and Chopper busy with the New Republic, she felt incredibly alone and refocused her energy on finding her long-lost friend …even though that felt hopeless too.

Ahsoka, also broken and downtrodden, continued to travel alone with Huyang to protect the people in the galaxy; quietly working towards peace and justice, following the Jedi ideology and code, but never truly feeling worthy of the title. When she ran into Din requesting her to take on Grogu as a padawan, not only did it frighten her further, it stung.

Din said, “A Mandalorian and a Jedi? They’ll never see it coming.”

Ahsoka smiled fondly, a deep regret inside her formed as her failure with Sabine marinated, missing Sabine dearly, and she thought, “If you only knew the half of it…”

[astra-galaxie]

🧸👽💝💔🎭🖕😭 for fili savage please, i'll remember to send reese's as a thank you(just keep it away from fili, trust me, we don't want our favorite giant going down)

I know I’ve said this before (at least I think I have), but I always find it funny how a last-minute OC becomes one of my most beloved ones! And I love Fili, too, so I’ll always expect him to be a request when I do one of these prompts!😊

(Don’t worry, Fili will be safe from the chocolate since those Reese’s will go straight into my stomach!😉)

🧸 A headcanon about their childhood

As a child, Fili didn’t have many friends, at least not many friends who weren't also his cousins. Due to being larger than the other kids in his classes, his obsession with plants, and being hospitalized on and off, no one tried being his friend. He did have one really good friend, a best friend, as he loved calling them. Sadly, they didn’t live in Ireland, but the two met when Fili’s friend was visiting Ireland with their family, and they became pen pals. Fili always looked forward to getting their letters and replying to them. The two are still friends to this day, and after Fili moved to the US, they were able to meet again.

👽 A headcanon about a weird quirk of there

He loves singing Irish folk songs. Sometimes, it's just humming, but if he really gets into it, he’ll start singing softly. Fili usually does it when he gets lost in his work, but also to fill the silence around him. Occasionally, he’ll forget the full lyrics, so he’ll just repeat the same line over and over. But it makes him happy so others don’t mind listening to repeats.

💝 A headcanon about their love language

Fili’s love language is acts of affection. He loves doing little things that make people happy and vice versa, even if it's simply cleaning the dish. However, his other way of showing love is through gift-giving, specifically flowers. He loves growing people’s favourite flower(s) and watching people’s happiness when they receive them. He always gives his Starlight new flowers for the special vase in their kitchen, and it's never without a beautiful bouquet.

💔 An angsty headcanon

Fili never thought he would find love. One of his biggest dreams was to find someone to spend the rest of his life with and to start a family with them. And while he did have some good relationships during his early twenties, none ever lasted. Something always brought the relationships to an end, and Fili began to believe he was destined to be alone… But then he met his Starlight, and it was as if the (pun intended) stars had finally aligned, and fate decided it was time for him to meet his soulmate. Eventually, his family would grow, and Fili couldn't be happier. He wishes he could tell his past self not to worry and that everything would work out when the time was right.

🎭 A headcanon about what they lie about

Fili is a very honest man and doesn’t lie much (except about being a Mage, but that’s for obvious reasons). However, one secret he will NEVER admit is that he lied to his parents in high school to attend a party. While they were out of town for the weekend, Fili lied and said he stayed home and studied for exams when they asked him what he did while they were gone. Fili vowed never to tell them that he went to the party since they didn’t like the classmate who hosted it, and besides, he didn’t have fun and left early anyway. Hopefully, they never find out the truth…

🖕 A headcanon relating to anger

While very much a “gentle giant,” Fili can get angry when the situation warrants it or if someone pushes him to anger. His anger is often represented as cold and intimidating as he tries not to yell or get violent. He knows his size is already threatening to others, and even if he’s angry, he doesn’t want to traumatize anyone. But that doesn't mean he won't use it to his advantage when he wants to. If you anger him enough and try to threaten him, Fili WILL put you in your place and make sure you know never to mess with him, his family, or his friends again.

(And he doesn't even need to use magic to do that, but it does help get his point across easier!)

😭 A headcanon about the worst thing that happened to them.

When he was captured by SOMBRA and put under the control of the inhibitor chip, Fili was almost always aware of what was happening around him and what his body was being forced to do. Watching SOMBRA experiment on him, force him to fight their recruits, and being in constant pain caused Fili to start dissociating as a way to try and cope with everything. Even after being rescued, he still dissociates due to his trauma, but thankfully, not as often or for as long.

And that’s a wrap on this batch of Fili headcanons! I know many of my readers are excited for his return in The Conspiracy, so hopefully, this will help with the waiting!

[quaissants]

WRITERS’ TAG GAME !

i don’t think i’ve ever done this before so thank you bubba @stealanity 💕

recommend 5 or more of your own works that you would rec to someone asking what they should read first & explain a little bit about the work. these can be the most popular, the ones you think are underrated, or your own favorites! then tag five other writers!

tagging @dearhee @end-hyphen @sunlightwoo @sunflwryu @thelargefrye for this !

also! two things: i’m adding works that i’ve written on my precious main because those are still so precious to me. also, most of what i’ve written throughout my two years are drabbles so i’m gonna go ahead and pick more than five:

take me home … kim hongjoong

this one took me a few months to figure out.. i remember getting it as a request, and i just had no idea what to do with it. but then i thought of deja vu joong, specifically the rain part and i went that’s it! and the rest is history

a poem called you … jeong yunho

writing a hotel del luna au fic is something that was on my writer’s bucket list. which is why when i planned the purpose series, i knew. tbh i think it only took me 2-3 nights to complete this one? and while it’s not as popular as the others on this list, i do adore it

in a world of their own … lee heeseung

my second work on kurosism 🥺 again, wasn’t very popular (still isn’t which is sad) but i love the domesticity of this drabble. unless i am being completely dumb, this was the product of reading 23/11 several times until i pretty much can recall the events of the story

002 … park sunghoon

from second on my previous to second on my current, this one is just. okay this was another spiral after i was roaming facebook and found this sound from friends. i don’t even know why i love it so much? i just really do, especially the last line

hyacinths … jung jaehyun

hands down the most underrated drabble of mine. this one was sorta poetic, something that could be a distant relative to lang leav’s poetry. the first line had been sitting in my notebook for over a few months so to make something from it just made me feel so good

the last word … tbz

…where do i even begin with this one. first off, i wanna say sorry to this series for discontinuing it )): i swear i loved making the three episodes, especially eric’s, but it’s hard to write something so long when the fandom you’re writing it for is slowly diminishing (i do plan on bringing it back though, but for another fandom..)

pretty in pink … choi chanhee

what’s this? a fluffy drabble from mona? what a rarity (NOT!) i actually do have several fluff drabbles but this one is my favorite from all of them because it’s the short but sweet, beautiful, tickle the stomach in your butterflies kind of read. to no one’s surprise, this was a spiral after seeing a certain pic of chanhee’s 😊😊

best friend … ji changmin

okay i am very sure that this is one of my most rec’ed and i do understand why. perhaps it’s the relatability of this one that makes it hurt even more.. even though i haven’t been in this situation before- honestly i’m not even sure how i managed to write this one but hey, it’s a good read if you wanna get your heart broken some more

safe and sound … choi yeonjun

alice in borderland x kpop idols? yes. my mind really is a weird place, and something that backs up my belief is that after watching the second? episode of aib, i began having thoughts. actually, i am pretty sure i wrote an idea for a prequel to this so who knows, maybe i’ll do it…

binibini | choi yeonjun

isayaw mo akooo ahem this one was dedicated to matty so 🤭 it’s probably one of my shortest works to date, but it still does pack a punch. for extra pain, i suggest you listen to this before or after reading it

paalam … txt

the thing is, headcanons are something i’ve only done once before (and even then, the format was different) so i was really not sure how this was gonna go. but given what i was going through during this time, writing this piece became sort of a catharsis for me. and while i have yet to fully let go so i can heal, at least there’s a work out there where my muses get that

[hedgiwithapen]

Siezure

@isi7140 asked for one from an old au concept, where Cisco's weird ministrokes weren't related to the timeline being fucked up but were actually Reverb trying to snatch him through the breaches... so here

(this is set during season 2! ) Barry hated every heartbeat of the run. Opening a gateway to the future for his mother's killer, armed now with the knowledge that would let him hurt so many people, it felt like  pulling the lever on some twisted version of the trolley problem.  Picking and choosing who would die to preserve a timeline that Eobard Thawne had already used as a skip rope and hangman's noose burned his blood and the bottoms of his feet. 

But in the lightning crackling in his eyes, he could see the awful blue light that gripped Cisco, the trembling like he was going to shake to pieces, right there.  It was a terrible choice, but a clear one. Eobard would come for them all, in one way or another, 15 years, 5 years, 3 years in the past, and now he knew exactly how to grip the knife.

But Cisco would be alive in the now. Barry told himself that was worth it and the Speedforce exploded around him, and Eobard ran into a future Barry wasn't sure he'd live to see. 

The medbay cot was empty when he arrived, his suit singed.  He looked around. Caitlin sat in the chair, still as stone.

"Why didn't you do it?" she asked, not turning to look at him. 

"I did," Barry said, something awful settling in his stomach. "I sent him back. Forwards. Wherever it was he was going--where--where's Cisco?"

"Gone," Caitlin whispered. "We were too late."

"No," Barry said. " No, there... there has to be something... there has to be--" he felt like a puppet, still dancing on Eobard's string, only now they'd all been cut. He dropped to the ground. It couldn't have been for nothing.  It couldn't have been for Nothing. But that’s exactly what lay on Cisco’s mussed blankets. Nothing at all.

*

Cisco cracked an eye open, the world still hazy with pain. "Cait?" he asked, groaning. He tried to sit up,  shoulder blades pressing against the mattress beneath him. It was harder than he remembered.

"Don't call me that," Caitlin said, leaning over him, but something wasn't right. Her hair was bleached by the lighting...not, it was just bleached, silvery white. It wasn’t the worst look on her.

"Only I call her that," said another voice, one that caught Cisco like a blow. 

"Ronnie?" he managed, trying to sit up again. This time when he failed, he realized why. His arms were bound to his sides, his whole body pinned.

"In a manner of speaking," his own voice answered, the version of his voice that wasn't quite right, like a recording. Missing the depth from echoing inside his skull and bones, Cisco's brain supplied, before it supplied why. He was looking at himself, another Cisco leaning over him.  

"Doppleganger," he breathed. "Like Harry."

"He caught on quick," Not-Caitlin said with a shrug.

"Of course he did. He's a version of me," Not-him said. "Meet Killer Frost and Deathstorm."

"Those are terrible names," he said without thinking. "What are you calling yourself?"

"Reverb. As in, the Reverberations that are going to turn your jaw into bone dust if you say anything like that again, got it?"

"Got it," Cisco said, his jaw aching at just the threat. "Can I get some water while we wait for my friends to come fight you?" If they were going to kill him, he'd be dead. But then, why had they kidnapped him?  For tech? He had a hard time believing  it, but maybe his double was as bad at making stuff as he was at names.

His own laugh was deeply unsettling, he decided. "Your friends aren't coming," Reverb said.  "They think you died. They really thought the universe was erasing you because of some timeline bullshit."

"It... wasn't." Cisco said, because that seemed like a better choice than asking.

"No. I was bringing you here. I've gotta say, your universe is stubborn. Doesn't like letting people go without a fight.  But Zoom has practice, and so do I. Zoom's going to kill your friends as soon as he gets what he wants from them."

"And what's that?"

"Why do I care what Zoom wants? It's nothing that concerns you, anyways, now that I've got you off the chessboard.  After he's finished with your Earth, we're going to kill him."

"Help me save my friends," Cisco bargained, clinging to the tiniest glimmer of hope that maybe, just maybe, he'd misread the situation. Harry's world sucked. Maybe Zoom had terrified all the metas into submission, already oppressed by Harry's tech. Maybe this was just a morally grey resistance..., "Help me and we'll help you fight Zoom so you can be free."

"Free? No. We're not fighting him to be free. We're going to take his place. We'll be Gods of this pathetic corner of the multiverse."

Glimmer of hope officially extinguished. Cisco thunked his head down harder than he meant to. "In that case, I'll pass." "Little me, you don't get a choice in this. You're going to help me whether you want to or not. I don't need your cooperation, just your power. And now I have it."

[trashcatsnark]

🩺 🎤 🚙 for the sweet hot mess girl Aiden ❤️

Oh hot mess is definitely a word for her, thank you so much for the ask!!!

Vik

Vik has adopted this child and there's nothing anyone can do about it. Emyr, who? Vik is this girl's father. I think things were definitely a little clumsy at first- Vik's a good guy through and through, but he's also wise and knows not everyone in NC or anywhere for that matter can be trusted. Jackie comes walking in with a complete stranger like he's showing off a new puppy dog.

Aidan was also very nervous at first- she doesn't like doctors at all, given her experiences with the clan doctors. She just doesn't trust them.

First time he tried to install anything in her- she kicked him in the balls admist a panic attack. A lot of apologies and some gentle sedation later, he was able to do a proper scan and that's when Vik first started feeling this kind of paternal instinct. An untreated autoimmune disease, scar tissue from unneeded surgeries, barely treated or badly treated wounds- a life time of medical neglect. His heart broke. Slowly, they got more comfortable as doctor and patient- Vik won her over by being well Vik. Made it clear he'd never do something she didn't agree to, kept her informed with every exam, scan, or procedure that he could. Even started keeping candy in the clinic for her after she made a joke about getting some for being a good patient.

The big shift though I think came when Aidan started asking him for boxing training and tips on building muscle mass, shit like that. Vik asked her why she was suddenly so concerned, her size never got in the way of her merc work, and Aidan admitted she was worried about bieng able to bring Jackie back home if he got hurt. That's when Vik had a "oh, this is my daughter" moment, the full dad instincts came out and he showed her ways to use leverage to lift up people bigger than her.

Aidan isn't sure she deserves Vik's brand of paternal affection- but damn if she doesn't love having it.

Kerry

Well- she was introduced to him ass first which left an impression. His first impression being, "Why does my bouncer have some girl's ass dangling over his shoulder?" Then he just figured she was some general fangirl, asking for an autograph- and frankly the only reason she got it was her puppy dog eyes. Then she was weird about it, parroting words of his dead best friend/ex and he didn't really know what to make of that- the brief weird encounter with an even weirder fan reminding him of those old times, reminding him of Johnny, and what Kerry and Samurai were back in the day versus what Kerry is in 2077.

Then she broke into her house, but also it was Johnny- and life just got weirder from there.

For Aidan, it's odd too. Because from Johnny's memories and as the relic's effects grow stronger- she feels like she knows Kerry. But she knows she doesn't and she knows logically those memories are skewed. It feels like an old friend treating you like a stranger. Because there is this part of her that she buries going- no no, Kerry, we know each other, we played together, we fucked around, we grew up together, we-

And she knows that's not real, that Johnny, but that still is in the back of her mind. Trying to remember she's meeting him for the first time not the millionth. It also makes his sort of initial- coldness, roughness- a little more difficult to stomach. She knows, or at least thinks she knows, he only cares about Johnny at the jump once they break into his place but between having those memories and the fact she's still in a pretty fragile place during those times- it's difficult to feel like someone would be happier if she just... faded away and let Johnny have the reigns.

Of course- Kerry doesn't fucking know any of that, by that point he's just caught in having Johnny back and relieving his old days and Aidan kinda becomes just the vehicle for that. Not that he doesn't like her, I think he's kinda curious about her just because from the way Johnny talked- he suspects something is uh, going on there. He won't lie, the idea that Johnny spent part of his afterlife balls deep in a twenty year old generally pisses him off- because of fucking course that bastard would.

And that curiosity and interest starts to grow a bit more as they get closer. He starts asking for her help and Aidan has to fully embrace and accept that yes, Kerry is just as bad as Johnny- she thought he was the responsible one, but now they're threatening a J-Pop band.

Kerry starts to see Aidan I think both in her similarities to Johnny, what he was kind of initially looking for- a reckless asshole who'll fuck shit up, but also those differences- that she is kinder, softer- so much so she managed to round out some of Johnny's rough edges. Reminds him of old times but with a softer touch.

And Aidan sees and kind of finds in him, someone who by all measures should feel like he's proven himself, should feel accomplished. He became the star he sought out to become, he's rich, he's a legend- but he doesn't seem very happy with. Still stunted emotionally and struggling. Happiest when they were drinking coffee in a cheap cafe and laughing as a yacht burned. One of many reminders that just 'making it' doesn't mean you'll be happy.

Overall, she likes Kerry a lot and he likes her- they feel more familiar to each other than they have any right too. She patronizes him a bit and he can be a little too self-involved but they find each other comforting.

He's also really curious about how Aidan and Johnny fuck, because he's knows they're fucking- he knows it, but how the hell does that work??? He's a visual learner, please demonstrate.

Panam

Aidan was immediately attracted to Panam- immediate like little superficial crush. Nothing deep, but Aidan had that instant- oh if we weren't working together, I would have already propositioned you and been rejected by now!

Interestingly enough, that also weirdly jumpstarts her relationship with Johnny. Which is a whole thing.

Whereas conversely, Panam is very supicious of Aidan at first- a merc who doesn't even (at least initially) show her face, her proper name, or use her voice??? She's already been burned by Nash and while she doesn't have a lot of options, she can't say she isn't wary.

What's not helping here and is a big kind of looming elephant in the room of their dynamic though- Aidan's a fucking raffen shiv. Abandoned her clan, sure, but family means everything for nomads. Panam of course does not know this, does not even know Aidan is a nomad. So, she's bitching about shiv's being cockroaches without a soul while Aidan's slowly sinking into the seat.

Then things start to shift. Aidan goes along with getting Nash, even if she was bratty about to start- even specifically kicking him down to let Panam get the killing blow. Which, truthfully meant a lot to her. That Aidan saw that's what she needed and didn't judge, didn't condemn, just- here he is, do what you need to.

Then everything gets wild, Scorpion and a lot of other Aldecaldo's died. Aidan blames herself and does not fathom how Panam or Mitch can not blame her. And that guilt, mixed with the guilt of knowing she's lying about her origins, along with them growing closer with every call Panam makes for help- really does start to make Aidan see Panam differently in vein of- 'this is someone I care about that I've hurt and I don't want to even dare think of hurting her anymore, I'm already lying, I may need to pull back, just so no wires get crossed'

Meanwhile, Panam is starting to feel like she can trust Aidan more and more. And also, the sort of constant teasing from the vets and her growing connection to the merc is starting to make her go- Wait, wamen?! And maybe she's not as straight as she thought she was, but maybe that's just her misinterpreting, and maybe she's just being silly, and god Aidan makes her overthink shit more- which means her signals are confusing as fuck for Aidan who is trying to pull away, but also was told Panam is straight, but also Panam's throwing her feet in her lap and getting cozy by a fireplace- what in the bi tarnation?!

Overall, Panam likes having someone around who's so fucking reliable and loyal to a fault. So rare she finds someone outside of family who gives without taking, who helps without expectation. And Aidan likes how not only headstrong and passionate Panam is, but truthfully- Panam, the Aldecaldos- they make her think of what she always wanted as a kid. A real nomad family, one that loved and laughed, and cared for each other.

Then eventually the truth will come out. Panam learns everything about the kind of family Aidan comes from. And it feels like Nash- but so much fucking worse. And just like she always does- she acts on impulse, like she was scare of doing with Aidan, but she can't help it and just like Aidan feared the other shoe dropped and everythings gone to shit. Caught between being mad that Panam paints her with that same brush but knowing it would happen. And just like Panam feared, she acted on her feelings and she fucked things up. The two separating for a while, breaking off their friendship, both hurt.

But don't worry- something will bring them back together.

[charlies-letters]

January 25, 1992

Dear friend,

I feel great! I really mean it. I have to remember this for the next time I’m having a terrible week. Have you ever done that? You feel really bad, and then it goes away, and you don’t know why. I try to remind myself when I feel great like this that there will be another terrible week coming someday, so I should store up as many great details as I can, so during the next terrible week, I can remember those details and believe that I’ll feel great again. It doesn’t work a lot, but I think it’s very important to try.

My psychiatrist is a very nice man. He’s much better than my last psychiatrist. We talk about things that I feel and think and remember. Like when I was little, and there was this one time that I walked down the street in my neighborhood. I was completely naked, holding a bright blue umbrella, even though it wasn’t raining. And I was so happy because it made my mom smile. And she rarely smiled. So, she took a picture. And the neighbors complained.

This other time, I saw a commercial for this movie about a man who was accused of murder, but he didn’t commit the murder. A guy from M*A*S*H was the star of the movie. That’s probably why I remember it. The commercial said that the whole movie was about him trying to prove that he was innocent and how he could go to jail anyway. That scared me a lot. It scared me how much it scared me. Being punished for something you did not do. Or being an innocent victim. It’s just something that I never want to experience.

I don’t know if it is important to tell you all this, but at the time, it felt like a “breakthrough.” The best thing about my psychiatrist is that he has music magazines in his waiting room. I read an article about Nirvana on one visit, and it didn’t have any references to honey mustard dressing or lettuce. They kept talking about the singer’s stomach problems all the time, though. It was weird. Like I told you, Sam and Patrick love their big song, so I thought I’d read it to have something to discuss with them. In the end, the magazine compared him with John Lennon from the Beatles. I told that to Sam later, and she got really mad. She said he was like Jim Morrison if he was like anybody, but really, he isn’t like anybody but himself. We were all at the Big Boy after Rocky Horror, and it started this big discussion.

Craig said the problem with things is that everyone is always comparing everyone with everyone and because of that, it discredits people, like in his photography classes. Bob said that it was all about our parents not wanting to let go of their youth and how it kills them when they can’t relate to something. Patrick said that the problem was that since everything has happened already, it makes it hard to break new ground. Nobody can be as big as the Beatles because the Beatles already gave it a “context." The reason they were so big is that they had no one to compare themselves with, so the sky was the limit.

Sam added that nowadays a band or someone would compare themselves to the Beatles after the second album, and their own personal voice would be less from that moment on.

“What do you think, Charlie?”

I couldn’t remember where I heard it or read it. I said maybe it was in This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald. There’s a place near the end of the book where the main kid is picked up by some older gentleman. They are both going to an Ivy League homecoming football game, and they have this debate. The older gentleman is established. The kid is “jaded.”

Anyway, they have this discussion, and the kid is an idealist in a temporary way. He talks about his “restless generation” and things like that. And he says something like, “This is not a time for heroes because nobody will let that happen.” The book takes place in the 1920s, which I thought was great because I supposed the same kind of conversation could happen in the Big Boy. It probably already did with our parents and grandparents. It was probably happening with us right now.

So, I said I thought the magazine was trying to make him a hero, but then later somebody might dig up something to make him seem like less than a person. And I didn’t know why because to me he is just a guy who writes songs that a lot of people like, and I thought that was enough for everyone involved. Maybe I’m wrong, but everyone at the table starting talking about it.

Sam blamed television. Patrick blamed government. Craig blamed the “corporate media.” Bob was in the bathroom. I don’t know what it was, and I know we didn’t really accomplish anything, but it felt great to sit there and talk about our place in things. It was like when Bill told me to “participate.” I went to the homecoming dance like I told you before, but this was much more fun. It was especially fun to think that people all over the world were having similar conversations in their equivalent of the Big Boy.

I would have told the table that, but they were really having fun being cynical, and I didn’t want to ruin it. So, I just sat back a little bit and watched Sam sitting next to Craig and tried not to be too sad about it. I have to say that I couldn’t do it very successfully. But at one point, Craig was talking about something, and Sam turned to me and smiled. It was a movie smile in slow motion, and then everything was okay. I told this to my psychiatrist, but he said it was too soon to draw any conclusions. I don’t know. I just had a great day. I hope you did, too.

Love always, Charlie.

[automatismoateo]

Just remembered my weird religious studies teacher at college and the things he said via /r/atheism

Just remembered my weird religious studies teacher at college and the things he said I wanna preface this by saying I'm in the UK, I went to a multicultural school and not an Islamic school. The students who picked this class were almost all Muslim because the unit we had was Islam (easy pass). I'd say only 2 non-Muslims were present. So keep that in mind as I tell you about my absolutely weird religious studies teacher. I'm 25, this all took place when I was 17-18, studying Religious Studies in college. My teacher was a Bangladeshi Muslim. I was Muslim too, and at that age I was becoming a lot more conservative. I wore a jilbab (Google it, it's hideous) and I didn't listen to music for a year. I self-identified as a salafi. He taught us religious studies (Islam) and philosophy and ethics. Here was a few things he said that I cannot believe I didn't report at the time. 1 - He defended the Charlie Hebdo attack. It was brought up in a lesson and he said that he cannot understand why, as Muslims, we would condemn the attack. It was justified and they were asking for it. 2 - We had a lesson on hadiths and he introduced us to the website Sunnah dot com. We spent break time looking up hadiths to ask him about. We asked him about the Hadith regarding women being deficient intellectually and how that would make sense to us as women. He told us to suck it up and not to doubt it. We pointed out the girls in the class outperformed boys, nationally too. He said to stop arguing with Allah and to accept it. 3 - we went off topic once and started talking about what sleeping position were the best. I said I sleep on my stomach. He stopped me to tell me that sleeping on my stomach is giving jinns the right to rape you from behind. Needless to say, I stopped sleeping on my stomach. 4 - I was applying to study anthropology at university. I asked him for a reference for my application and he refused because he said anthropology will make me doubt Islam and I'll leave it (he was right, I left in my second year of uni). He begged me not to study this, and would spam my school email or videos and lectures of how evolution is false. I mean shamelessly begging during lessons. 5 - One of the students in my class, a Christian, actually converted to Islam during this time. She wore hijab for a few months, and joined us for prayer. A few months later, the novelty wore off and she removed her hijab and began wearing her cross necklace again. My teacher said "you can enter Islam but you cannot leave it. You should've known that. Luckily for you, nothing will happen. But you would've been killed in an Islamic caliphate". Along those lines. I'm sure she didn't regret her choice lol. 6 - He believed in apostates being killed. I had an argument about this with him because despite me being religious, this was so morally difficult to swallow. Apostasy is victimless crime yet you're killed for it. He told me to stop defending apostates or I will be like them. Basically, have no empathy. 7 - He would openly tell us how he wants a second wife. I cringed every fucking time. And he would wait for us to react negatively and say "what? It's allowed for me. Relax". 8 - told me to stop wearing lipstick. Like shut up.... 9 - A boy in our school came out as gay and he had so much to say including telling us not to speak to him or to work with him. Basically, he told us to discriminate against another student because he was gay. Anyway. That's the comprehensive list. There were probably more but I was just too blind to really acknowledge it as being weird. And yes this was all IN THE UNITED KINGDOM. Not an Islamic school. I cannot believe none of us reported him or said anything. We just thought he was cool and laid back and let us eat Pringles in class. But in hindsight, he was a morally corrupt, terrible teacher. Submitted November 23, 2024 at 04:45PM by Mobile-Worldliness16 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/BmYjDF2)