#i remember him because i always mentally call him The Man With The Dragon Tattoos

[werevampiwolf]

I'm always incredibly tempted to be honest and tell them that I have both brain damage that affects my vision and faceblindness as a comorbidity to autism. I can't even consistently recognize my own parents, who I lived with for almost 20 years. You're probably someone I see for 5 or 10 minutes, a couple times a week at most. I am pretty good at recognizing tattoos, though. So if you're that bothered, you could always go get inked?

I hate when customers assume I recognize them. "You recognize me, right?" I just smile and nod but it's ridiculous they expect me to remember one old person out of the absolutely hundreds I deal with on a day to day basis. I can barely remember my coworkers names, what makes you think you're special enough to be memorable?

"Sorry but I see over 500 people a day and the only people that stick out are people that scream at me for something I can't change."

-Rodney

[yakuzabrainrotlive]

Made some actual progress again! Been having a blast with the game but I'm also constantly waiting for everything to fall apart! hehe :3 I am in agony just thinking about it

Lots of interesting Kiryu stuff going on. This man is occupying a vast majority of my mental space right now. I'm putting him in a petri dish and observing him with a microscope in my mind. HUGE stream-of-thought thingie about him right at the start.

Edit: No, like 90% of this is just my incoherent Kiryu thoughts. You've been warned.

I actually kinda sorta found myself agreeing with Tsuneo(???) here a little bit.

Kiryu has this weird.... thought pattern about his relationship to Tojo. It's really fascinating to me. On one hand he vehemently denies having any proper association with Tojo at this point and claims he doesn't care what's done to it because he's a civilian. But then he turns around and says that doing XYZ would be betrayal to the clan and he'd be acting without the chairman's permission. And keeps dragging his ass back to these crises even though he "parted ways with the Tojo Clan. I'm a civilian".

He could just say he'd be going against his friends' wishes or that he doesn't want to be involved with the Tojo clan by taking action as the Dragon of Dojima, but no. He talks like he's still in the clan, still yakuza.

I was spinning this whole conversation in my mind like a rotisserie chicken until... I remembered him saying this in Y5:

So it feels like... despite him constantly telling people he's a civilian, he still feels like he owes the Tojo his loyalty. Because he will never truly be completely out of that life - out of the Clan - because he'll "always be yakuza".

Could also just be his loyalty to Daigo speaking here, but... why would he still be talking about betraying the Clan itself?

He tries to justify/explain his conflicting behavior here with it all being a part of "finding out the truth about Haruka's accident". It's definitely a MAJOR part of it, but I don't buy it being the ONLY reason. He doesn't want to see Tojo fall, no matter how much he claims he doesn't really care.

Kiryu also has very strong feelings about what being Yakuza truly is. He gets... peeved when someone behaves in a way that's against his values in that regard or talks about that life in a way he doesn't like. For example, saying this when faced with a claim that the tattoos are a relic of a past and only get in the way of profits:

Despite him not being proud of having been Yakuza or his actions during that time, he seems to still have... maybe not reverence, but respect/pride for the (old school version of) lifestyle in a way. And he doesn't like it when people don't behave respectfully towards it. I know being Yakuza was a defining part of his life for a long time, but this is a level of... emotional dedication I wouldn't expect from someone who truly doesn't feel like they're still living that life at all. What an interesting guy.

Very eager to see this conversation. Lo looks very intimidating and smart. Definitely feel a Kiryu assassination attempt coming even though he said it's "just the two of us". It's never true when someone says that.

>Someya: says Kiryu Kazuma is a relic of the past, an old man with no influence. Someone with no value to the Tojo clan at all.

>Someone else: calls Kiryu a 'washed-up has been'

> Live Someya reaction:

Like??? WHAT'S HIS DEAL? He's so strange!! I thought I had a good read on him but not anymore. First he insults Kiryu to his face at HQ, but then he goes apeshit when someone else talks bad about Kiryu. What a guy.

[osakunt]

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

➬ 𝗧𝗮𝗶𝗷𝘂 𝘅 𝗙𝗲𝗺𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗿 [𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗽]

➬ 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀: 𝗔 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗯𝗮 𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗽𝗮𝘀𝘁

➬ 𝗠𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝘄𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗧𝗮𝗶𝗷𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗴𝘂𝗻 !!!! 𝗹𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘄𝗲 ?! 🦟🦗🦟🦗

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

The sun smacks the crap out of Taiju when you yank the curtains open. The sun rays hit him right in the eyes, interrupting his sleep. Pulling the blankets over his head he tries to continue his deep slumber but you had other plans

Opening up the window you let the cold air come into the room, instantly making the buff man stir under the covers to find a warm spot. Feeling around for you in his sleep, he gives up, feeling that your side of the bed was completely cold. Grunting he turns back to his side while wrapping the warm covers around him tightly so no cold air could reach him.

Going another step further, you flop on the bulk of a man, uncovering his face to wake him up with ghost kisses to his face. You start at is forehead - move to his left cheek then his right. Lastly his lips. “C’mon Tai. It’s late” you whisper. In return you get a grunt and light shove.

Laying chest down on him you start to poke him and run your hand through his blue locks. Booping his nose and opening up his eyes, he finally peaks his eyes open giving you a straight but calm look. “Why are you like this ?” he smile unraveling himself from the covers to expose his naked upper body to trap you in his hold. Tattoos glistening under the rays of the sun and skin starting to perk with goosebumps from the cold air.

“I let you sleep in long enough. The business ain’t gonna run itself , ya know ?”

“I have workers for that, sweetheart. There’s no need for me to go in”

“I got a call from there just now. Your little worker bitches got in a fight over who admires you the most. You need to go deal with that” you get out his hold and get out of bed to fully slide the window open and let the cold - cold air wonder fully in. “Ohhhh - A special someone called saying they wanted to meet with you. So imma need you to get up and at least get dressed”.

“Someone ? Who the hell would want to see me ? Except for you of course” you can feel the sly smirk sliding across his lips.

“Shut the fuck up” you throw a shirt at him before walking out “the special person it Hakkai !!” You yell out making your way downstairs.

“Hakkai ?…that’s not new. He’s been wanting to hang out more….” Taiju whispers to himself. His heart warms up as he repeats your words over and over. He was happy to know that his younger siblings were reaching out. He was also happy because if it weren’t for them, he wouldn’t have met you.

“This is (y/n), don’t try to hit her” Yuzuha glared at him when you two walk into the house with Hakkai close behind.

“I don’t care. Just don’t piss me off” he glanced over his shoulder and quickly goes back to what he was doing. Only thing was that on that one little glance, you caught his attention and he had to double take what he had just seen. Turning his whole body around his eyes fall in contact with your and you roll your eyes at his way of being then going back to talk to with his siblings.

Your stops at their house became more frequent when you saw Hakkai with a swollen cheek and Yuzuha with a purple mark on her neck, with signs of choking.

You bust through the doors of their house and walk right up to the Black Dragons leader who was lounging on the couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table. “The hell did you !?”. Taiju didn’t even blink and yet didn’t know how he had a gun to his chin and you on top of him.

He didn’t feel rage. It was more of a flustered feeling . Him avoiding eye contact was what gave it away. He sat there still not knowing how to react - he sat there waiting for you to pull the trigger.

“(Y/n) please don’t”

Hakkai grabs your arm making you pull the trigger and missing your aim. Next thing y’all know - Taiju is laughing at you having guts to even threaten him. “Not bad. You didn’t completely miss” he point to his tattooed - grazed shoulder.

After the confrontation at the church, Taiju left but found a way to get to you. He remembers picking up the phone anxiously to dial the number he was provided. When your voice was heard from the other side of the line - he froze.

It took some good convincing to get you to go out with him but at the end you noticed his character change. You saw that he wasn’t the same. He was more calm. Less annoyed and with no animosity circling him. It was like being in a presence of a whole different person.

From there things came to be to what they are now. You still being friends with Hakkai and Yuzuha, you let them take all the time they needed to ease into the idea of having an actually bond with their older brother. A sibling bond where there was no physical nor mental violence.

“-pa”

“Helloooo ?! Papa !!!!”

A young boy with blue hair and the same eyes as him looks up at Taiju - calling for his attention.

“Hm ? What’s wrong, shorty ?” Taiju looks down at the boy, bringing him up in his arms

“ ‘M not short” the child pouts

“Of course you aren’t….For a three year old” he laughs bouncing the young boy in his arms. The laughter erupting from the child was what made Taiju feel complete. He was the missing puzzle that completed the agonizing puzzle Taiju used to be. He had you, his siblings and last but most important his three year old son who had his looks but your personality - a sprinkle of Yuzuha’s spunk with a dash of Hakkai’s shyness.

“Uncle Kai is here…mommy said hurry or she’ll drag you down” his son smiles not having a clue of what he just said. He was asked to deliver a message not to understand it after all.

Knowing that you were capable of doing exactly what you said, Taiju sat his son in the middle of the bed and pulled out clothes - showing the child the options to choose from. “Help me pick, buddy”

Once finally dressed the father-son duo make their way downstairs to be received with laughter coming from you and his siblings. Hakkai looking up - he smiles seeing his brother and nephew approaching. He gets up to greet his brother along with his sister. Small hugs with cherished hello’s are exchanged.

“Just came by to see how things are, ya know ? Heard that something happened at your place of work. Bet being the boss scares the hell outta those employees” Hakkai jokes

“I’ve been wanting to punch a few of them” Taiju adds a chuckle to his statement but everyone knew that he was being serious.

“I can punch them !!” The blue haired boy exclaims with pride, showing how he’d punch one of the hosts that once flirted with you.

“No,baby - Let’s put ketchup in his pocket” Taiju’s smirk appears once again.

“C’mon Tai, do better. ” You grab your beloved son from him

“Don’t be a pussy, Taiju. Pour hot sauce into his drink” Yuzuha adds in

“Yeaa. We can watch him try to calm the heat in his mouth but we’ll add hot sauce to any other beverage” Hakkai instigates smiling

“We can even eat while watching him” you wiggle your eyebrows adding into the ‘plan’.

“Wow …..We aren’t a normal family…..” Yuzuha states states the obvious.

“Far from it” You say grabbing your coat

“I like it 🤷🏻‍♀️” Hakkai shrugs opening the door to greet the ice cold wind.

“Same here” you all agree that normal wasn’t the best word to describe the family. Even if the family wasn’t normal; to all of you it was normal and didn’t mind having it that way.

“Let’s not get arrested though”

▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃

I just know that this man became a softy after the timeskip. I mean look at him. He showed that he cared for his brother on that time line where Hakkai dies. Not only that but I truly feel like he always cared but he just didn’t know how to show it so he resorted to violence to show that he did.

[focsle]

Vendryth Bio

HELLO here I am with one of my Gigantic Character Bios.

Basics

Name: Vendryth

Nickname: Ven to friends. He also has a number of tacky nicknames in the various small localities he helped out over the years: The Golden Traveler, The Dragon, Trollslayer, Midwinter Hero, ET CETERA ET CETERA. To Neris he is ‘Grandpa’.

Age: Died at age 326. Born 1E 2594, died in 1E 2920. Is Neris’s resident ghost as of 2E 582.

Gender: Man

Race: Dunmer

Class: Battlemage and restoration master

Physical Traits

Height: 6ft

Weight: 210 lbs

Hair: Auburn, pulled back in a long braid.

Eyes: Red

Skin: Dark blueish grey

Distinctive features: Full Van Dyke-style beard. A lot of assorted scars from 300+ years of Fighting Things. Really big gaudy dragon tattoo on his chest.

Mannerisms: He has a confident ease moving and existing in the world, and he definitely takes up space in a lounging sort of way. He also tends to relate to people physically—SHOULDER SLAPPER sort of guy.

Voice: Friendly and booming. Bit gravelly but refined.

Fashion: He likes ornate armors and likes to keep ‘em shiny. In the day to day however, he dresses very simply...keeps his shirt collar as open as possible...

Emotional Traits

Personality: He’s very personable and very willing to help people, to the degree that he is prone to butting into situations that initially don’t involve him. He almost never turns down requests for help and can quickly shift to adapt to situations that call for his attention. He tries to behave honorably, though he hasn’t always done so in his interpersonal relationships in the past and is awkward in coming to terms with that.

Likes a good time. Is boisterous and rollicking and sometimes has an air about him that he doesn’t take things seriously, even though as said above, he can rapidly switch gears to handle grave situations. He’s chummy with everyone. A bit flirtatious & slutty. A pro at entertaining swaths of children. Good at calming horses.

He’s very vain, though not arrogant. He’s surprised if someone isn’t impressed by him, but not upset or offended. He does Heroics partly because he has the ability to and thinks it's the right thing to do, but also because he likes the attention. Likes being fawned over. Doesn’t wanna wear a helmet to cover his pretty face.

Religion / Belief system: He more-or-less adheres to the Tribunal (much to the chagrin of Grandson Neris). He doesn’t believe them to be Actual Gods and thus doesn’t ‘worship’ them, but does recognize and respect them as powerful leaders and has no problem serving their will when it comes to the defense of Morrowind. He later became one of Vivec's Buoyant Armigers, and was quite reverent to both Vivec and Almalexia.

He’s wary of all Daedra. Just expects them to be troublesome and either doesn’t involve himself or actively works against them. He’s pretty straight-laced about all that.

Lifestyle

Background: He was born into a minor family in House Telvanni. Despite his lack of Notable Lineage, he proved to be very magically adept, especially in matters of restoration magic. In his early 20s he married a woman named Tendreni Ilyiil. Their marriage was a strategic one centered more on solidifying future power than anything else—his skills, and her more powerful family connections. It didn’t work out, particularly as Vendryth’s interests turned more towards being a healer rather than the acquisition of knowledge or power. He wasn’t good at communicating that it wasn’t working out however. He decided instead to simply abandon Tendreni and their infant child and forgo any connections to his house. While he would come to regret that action as he got older, he never made amends, feeling too much time had passed for it to mean anything.

Over the decades he worked with both the Mages and Fighters guild, intensely studying Restoration but also battle techniques and becoming quite powerful through the ranks as a result. Initially he took contracts through the Fighter’s Guild to assist people. Then he became a bit of a Freelance Hero around Tamriel, chasing the high of Minor Glories in numerous regions. His mastery of Restoration magic enabled him to slow his aging considerably.

His work took on a more concentrated effort when he was a little over 100 years old, in defense efforts against the first Akaviri invasion that earned him recognition among his peers. He would continue to serve in Morrowind's military for a time, and then more specifically for Vivec as a Buoyant Armiger. Through this work he had the flexibility to continue his Pro Bono Heroics around Tamriel, but would respond to calls back home when needed.

By 2840 he was back to his military engagements, operating as a high-ranking healer during the Four Score War. While certainly not always on the front, he was involved for the entire 80 engagement and managed to live through it as a decorated veteran. Unfortunately when Mournhold was sacked shortly after, Vendryth lost his head to one of Mehrunes Dagon’s army while trying to heal someone.

He had an honorable burial in Necrom, though not in the Ilyiil tomb. However, simmering generational anger over his initial abandonment of his first family led to his ghost being tracked down by Ilyiil ancestor spirits who then bound him to protect the family tomb. He was there for 600 years, and lost considerable parts of his memory and identity as the notion of being stuck there for eternity became intolerable and his emotional and mental state deteriorated. He was forgotten by everyone, beyond a few obscure scholars of specific military history, as the people who remembered him died. He became a very angry and violent spirit until he ran into Neris who was reconciling with his own feelings about his family and sense of abandonment. Neris ended up helping to free Vendryth and established a shrine for him in his own house. Kindred spirits in many ways, Neris’s companionship helped Vendryth get a lot of himself back, and Vendryth also helps Neris take his final steps away from House Telvanni.

Place of residence: In life he lived in a fancy Hall just outside Mournhold. As a ghost he hangs out in a dedicated corner of Neris’s library in Middle Of Nowhere Vvardenfell.

Occupation: Local Hero™, Buoyant Armiger, battlefield healer

Habits: He’s very particular about his appearance...a Preener. Will absolutely fuss over his reflection in a breastplate he’s shining. Winds down with smoking assorted combos of psychoactive herbs in the evenings. Tends to touch people’s arms or has a hand on their shoulder or something when he’s talking to them.

Hobbies: Adventuring (and long walks through impressive landscapes), gathering up all the local rumors, fishing, musical inclinations, reading a small always-rotating collection of books he finds in his travels and then leaves at the last inn he stayed at once he finishes them.

Likes: Campfire stories or collective songs i.e. activities that include a lot of people, theater, retelling his adventures, being recognized, quaint little towns with warm rooms.

Dislikes: Having to be sneaky or anonymous in any way (he’ll DO subtlety and anonymity if it is required of him but UGHHHH!), having to constantly confront the mortality/death of people around him, feeling ‘kept’ by anyone, losing sleep for any reason, having to skip meals.

Goals: His interests move from ‘I want people to know who I am and I want stories to be told about me’ notions of fame, and as he gets older it turns more into ‘I want to do what I feel is right and will help people’. He always appreciates public admiration and relishes in it, but ends up feeling a greater responsibility over where he stands in life and how he can contribute.

Relationships

Orientation: Straight, ish. He’s attracted to women, but he’d be flattered and wouldn’t necessarily say no if propositioned by another gender. But the actual attraction wouldn’t be there.

Relationship status: Had a long string of romances and families across the continent, as well as one dedicated long-term partnership with a General in the Four Score War that was his last relationship. As a ghost…..he’s a ghost…

Notable Relationships:

He fathered 37 children (that he knows of) over his first couple centuries. While he was never completely absent, he definitely wasn’t involved in parenting. He’d write everyone, he’d make sure everyone was materially supported, he’d show up and stay for a few weeks at a time with gifts and stories, but wasn’t much of an Active Partner. He very much considered everyone family and had no personal sense of relationship decay over time; this was met with varying degrees of agreement, acceptance, indifference, sorrow, anger, and resentment across all the different parties.

He grew to be a more somber man once he realized he was outliving them all. Not just partners, but a number of his children too.

Tendreni Ilyiil: His first wife. Their relationship was one of circumstance, duty, and politics. They were quite formal with each other, and had differing senses of ambition. When Vendryth left Tendreni was furious about it, largely because of the principle of the thing rather than because she experienced much hardship without him (though raising an infant more on her own was something she was very angry about, though there was family help for her there). She didn’t feel a loss with him gone. She thought he was a childish coward and wrote him off almost immediately for it. She moved on, but her parents harbored a more significant grudge, as did her child to an even greater degree, especially as Vendryth’s name became more widely known and celebrated. These ancestor spirits, rather than Tendreni, were the ones who ended up binding his ghost to the tomb.

Neris Ilyiil: His great great great great grandson, of Tendreni’s line, who ended up saving him from his spectral imprisonment. Vendryth is very fond of Neris and sees quite a bit of himself in the boy. He loves exchanging adventure stories with him, even though Neris’s tend to be a bit different. He’s grateful for Neris’s help and is also more than willing to provide a sense of encouragement, family, and guidance to him. 600 years in a tomb means he lost the threads of all the rest of his family members and doesn’t know where any other descendants are. As a result he’s really close to Neris because Neris is the only thing that makes him feel like he still...Existed at one time.

Lady General whom we are still working on a name for: A General who Vendryth served under in the Four Score War. She initially thought he was underwhelming which he found…completely baffling and intriguing and his conclusion was ‘she is underwhelmed by me not because I’m NOT great, but because clearly she has done something greater and now I need to find out about it’. Was deeply curious about her from the beginning. Rather than his earlier relationships that were built on initial physical attraction and his usual ‘I am going to charm her with my Gallant Hero Energy’, he grew close to her out of circumstance first and then utter respect and admiration for her as they worked together. She was his sense of grounding through the whole war and was the first person he was actually In Love with. He hoped the relationship would continue beyond the war—that he kept thinking would end the next year, and then the next year, etc. It was unrelenting and he likely wouldn’t have stayed if not for this partnership. He felt it was worth all the enduring hardship. She saw to his burial after the destruction of Mournhold.

[i-mybrunettelady]

----- 1334 AE

Liv offered to come. El remembers Liv’s whiskers trembling, as they often do when he’s annoyed, but doesn’t want to lash out; it’s always been one of the charr’s greatest mysteries, how he manages to keep his annoyance from fanning into rage.

“I can go there alone,” El said, pulling on his too big fur-lined coat.

“There are Elder Dragons,” Liv pointed out. It was cold in Lion’s Arch, but El dreaded how cold it’d be in far Shiverpeaks.

“I want to see Aurene. See what’s so special about her. See what’s made Caithe abandon all sense of normalcy and betray us for an Elder Dragon. Besides, Alysannyra wouldn’t risk Trahearne’s life. She can do few things right, but that she cannot allow herself to fuck up.”

“Alright,” Liv sighed. “Don’t get yourself in danger, though. I’ll worry.”

Liv offered to come, El turned him down and now he is heaving alone in the cold shithole that is Eye of the North, trying to chase away that special aftertaste of vomit that only an asuran gate can produce. But he has to see Aurene, has to see what drove Caithe to betrayal. Because it feels like betrayal, because every Elder Dragon comes to be big and green and scream in his mind, and willingly joining the oppressors of mortals on Tyria cannot feel like anything but.

He senses Trahearne before he sees him, deep in conversation with Aife. There’s a noticeable weight of worry in him, worry he keeps hidden and cannot shake off.

“El,” the Firstborn greets, brow shooting up in surprise. His glow isn’t as noticeable as it was before.  “What brings you here?”

“Aurene,” El says curtly.

“Hello, Elandrin,” Aife says with a smile. “How did your self-defense lecture with the saplings go?”

“Lecture with the saplings? Aife, my dear, you can’t have found a worse replacement.” Trahearne shakes his head in disbelief.

“I agree,” El adds. “Don’t think it was my idea. Oh no. Canach and I had a bet and how in the Pale Tree’s branches could I refuse a bet?”

Trahearne pins him with a fond, but serious stare. “How much money did he milk out of you?”

“Enough for two masterwork daggers,” El sighs sadly. “In my defense, nobody got burned. Badly. I don’t envy you Luminaries.”

“Good thing you’re not a luminary,” Aife laughs. “We’d all be ash by now if that were the case.”

“Aife, wait here a moment,” Trahearne suddenly says, going around the table to stand before El. He lowers his voice and asks, “Are you sure? There’s Jormag too-”

“They’re all evil things,” El says harshly, squinting. “But I can handle myself. Thorns, you’re like Liv. I’m not a defenseless little sapling, I survived Maguuma by myself!”

“Jormag whispers,” Trahearne frowns. It’s a strange expression. El feels anger with an equally strange undercurrent of guilt radiate from his friend.

“I should know how to defend myself from dragons whispering in my head,” El bites out angrily. He’s capable, strong-willed. What’s another Elder Dragon?

Trahearne purses his lips. El feels his annoyance beat against his own, and he’s ready to argue if need be. But ever the calmer man, the Firstborn doesn’t take the bait. “Just beware,” he says with resignation, turning to go back to Aife. “They don’t play fair and minds like minefields are at most risk.”

El bristles. “Your dearheart told you that?”

“Yes,” Trahearne says. “If only you two could get along, my life would be a lot simpler. You’re more similar than you’d like to admit.”

“Never let a wrong ripen into evil,” El says sardonically. There’s conversation all around him, sylvari projecting fear and excitement in equal measures, grunting of the charr, laughter of the asura. Blades clash and people who look important - a white-furred charr with tattoos beneath her eye and a big, darkhaired norn, a short-haired human and Logan Thackeray, a floating mass of energy that talks for fuck’s sake - all converse in words he doesn’t quite get.

They’re all here because Alysannyra gathered them. Maybe he even asks her where she got a floating magical being so he could get one for himself.

He turns on his heel and moves towards the corridor. There’s a curious sense of ancient magic lingering in that direction. That’s when he sees her. She’s translucent, white, on her throne of pale crystals, smaller than he expected her to be, but with a long neck and a soothing voice. El hates it, hates how kind it seems, how gentle, when all dragons do is destroy. There’s no kindness within a dragon.

She’s deeply engaged in a conversation - argument - with a charr who doesn’t sound like a charr. Alysannyra sits beside them, purple eyes attentively looking between them, as if waiting for an opportunity to interject. She looks on edge, there are dark bags beneath her eyes, and her legs keep bouncing, like she’s about to run and needs to be prepared at any moment.

Just as she’s about to open her mouth, the charr turns to El and speaks in that smooth voice, “Ah, a visitor!”

“Elandrin?” Alysannyra asks, standing up. “What are you doing here?”

“Sight-seeing,” he says deadpan.

“Please,” she shakes her head. “My day’s bad already, don’t-”

“If you think I’m here for you, you’re an idiot,” he says honestly. “I’m here to see your elder dragon. And Jormag, it would seem.”

“Hello, sylvari,” Jormag says sweetly, a sudden shift from their firm tone from earlier. “I’m pleased to meet you.”

“As long as you don’t call me fodder,” he all but hisses, managing to rein himself in.

“No,” Jormag replies, “that’s my brother’s role, but my brother is dead. You’re marginally more defensive than that compatriot of yours who resides here. I do not see the reason, really.”

“I will not be swayed,” El bites out. “I won’t accept anything you offer, you frigid lizard.”

“Do not antagonise Jormag,” Aurene says and it’s as if crystals fall from her mouth when she speaks.

“Aurene, let me handle this,” Alysannyra says gently.

“But, mother, he-”

“I know what he said,” her champion replies. “And I know he stands by that still. But I ask you not to fight my battles for me. It’s...” She waves her hand.

“Hypocritical of you, Champion,” Jormag tsks. “She just wants to protect you. It’s her choice, after all.”

That seems to have hit a nerve. “Shut up,” Alysannyra hisses.

Mind like a minefield, El thinks. It burns to admit Trahearne was right.

“I’m Elandrin,” he says. “Elandrin Aien. I’d rather be that than sylvari.”

“Of course, Elandrin Aien,” Jormag replies. “I’ll call you whatever you wish to be called.”

“Do not listen,” Alysannyra says, “do not engage. Jormag wants that. They cannot be trusted.”

“You’re protective of me?” El frowns.

“No, I value my own life and mental health,” she bristles. It’s as big of a compliment as she’ll ever pay him and a nearby sylvari chokes on his drink and stares at him. “And besides, Trahearne will end me if anything happens to you. You’re very dear to him.”

“How lovely of you,” he says. “Aurene, you say you like mortals, no?”

“My mother and father are mortals,” the dragon says. “I love them. All of them.”

“You do not make minions? Little Aurene-imbibed underlings?”

“None.” Aurene sounds confused by that line of questioning.

“How do you know that won’t change? How can you be sure? What’s your goal in pretending to be kind?”

“Pretending? I’m not pretending. I do not wish mortals harm. Elandrin, what is the purpose of this?”

“He’s distrustful because of Mordremoth,” Alysannyra explains, crossing her arms. She taps her heel on the ground. “My advice would be giving up. He’s set in his ways. He won’t listen in the best of times.”

“There’s no good in Elder Dragons. Only things they’re capable of are evil. I wanted to see what turned Caithe to your side.” El shakes his head. “False promises.”

Aurene keeps quiet.

“Mind your words,” Alysannyra warns. “It’s my daughter you’re speaking to.”

“And you’re the greatest traitor of them all,” El continues, “if this creature is your daughter. It’s all you could ever do. I knew it would happen, but he didn’t listen.” She closes her eyes, reaches out for her magic, taps her foot against the floor harder and mumbles to herself.

“Mind your words,” she repeats, with more firmness.

“Elandrin!” Trahearne’s voice booms from the hallway. He’s angry. “Is that why you came here? To insult?”

“If need be,” El replies.

Jormag laughs. “What a lovely show you mortals make,” they comment.

“And you, Lyss? Threats?”

“I’m a mother,” she says. “I was just defending her honour.”

“You two are impossible,” Trahearne mutters. “I’ll discuss this with both of you if I have to, and I clearly do. You’re behaving like saplings.”

“Tell you what, Aurene,” El says, eyeing the dragon. “Save Tyria and I may yet believe you don’t plan out imminent destruction. If not...” He shivers at the thought of the Mists. “Save the world, Alysannyra, and I’ll think you a little less of traitor.”

“Of course,” she says, holding his gaze. “It’s what I do. With or without your thanks.”

"With or without my thanks," he mocks. There's an admission of fighting back that wasn't there when he called her a murderer two years ago.

He doesn't know how he feels about it, so he turns to leave. "I'm returning to Lion's Arch, Trahearne. Call for me when you want to talk to me. I'm sure I've heard it before but..."

He doesn't wait for any replies. There's someone who would actually be happy for him in Lion's Arch.

[didilosemymindordidifindit]

EULOGY TO A WINGLESS ANGEL

After writing the article on the death of MFDOOM, I started to feel like an hypocrite when I was also guilty of hiding the death of a loved one. Though our reasons for not publicly acknowledging her death was how devastating our sorrow was and the fact that we wanted to grieve in private away from the flood of the crocodile tears of the world.

When in 2019, I was suddenly brought the news of your death, I remember crying like a wounded animal and later fuming like a fiery dragon. If God could appear as a man like he did to Jacob, I also would have fought him but this time he would be the one with the dislocated joint.

What dissipated my anger was the realisation that even God likes good things. Why should earth be the only one enjoying your radiance? Heaven was green with envy. I can imagine the angels in heaven having sleepless nights because their jobs are at stake, now that you are there.

You were the only person in the world who called me TBoy, a nickname you coined from my unprefixed name, Topa.

You were my number one fan and supporter. You always wanted to know where I was performing next and how it went after. The last conversation we had was you criticising the cloth I wore to perform and I got angry and replied you rudely because my ego had been bruised. If only I knew that would be the last time we would speak, I would have handled the situation with more tact. What a mumu I was!!! But how was I to know?!!! How was I to fucking know?!!!!

In a world that had a few selfless people like St Theresa and Francis of Asisi, you were the most selfless person in the whole world.

You cared for everybody even though you were the one who really needed care with you battling asthma all through your life.

I know some low mentality individuals will be like, "Oh! She didn't get married or have a child before she died, what a waste!"

The real waste is the person that has that kind of archaic mentality.

You spread your love throughout the corners of the universe. What achievement can be greater than that? Even the Bible said love is the greatest.

I fear the pain of tattoos but when I have money I will go to very good tattoo parlour and get just one tattoo: your name boldly written:

OZOFU

Eventhough you could have given birth to my age mate, that is what I called you without the titular prefix, aunty, to the horrors of many. You didn't mind one bit.

I can keep talking about you till eternity but let's leave it here for now.

No longer will your death be hidden, for it is but a temporary separation. You and baba are the only thing that makes me look forward to heaven. Not the street of gold, not the mansion, not the choir of angels. I just need just another opportunity to see my wingless angel.

Continue to bless heaven with your beautiful radiance, big sis.

I love you, forever.

Signed

TBoy

[despairforme]

     ‘ Dreamcatcher tattoos ‘ was a pretty LAME name. Nnoitra wouldn’t even have considered walking in there if it hadn’t been familiar. While he wasn’t opposed to trying something new, he wanted to make sure that he got a skilled tattoo artist. He happened to know that Kyota had been working here for a while, and since he couldn’t think of a more talented artist than him, he figured that this was the sort of place who hired SKILLED people. Their standards were probably high. Of course, Nnoitra wouldn’t have gone here if he thought he would run into Kyota. Even he could see how insensitive something like that would be. Nnoitra didn’t have any wish to cause the tattoo artist – his ex – any sort of problems. In any case, there was no chance of him running into Kyota, who hadn’t showed up at the studio for months.

     Nnoitra entered the shop, his attention caught briefly by the ringing of a bell, signaling his arrival. The studio wasn’t ‘ fancy ‘, but neither did it look like a common street-shop. There were various pieces of art decorating the walls, and a comfortable waiting area with well-used chairs. By the front desk, there was an exhibition of piercings, some looked pretty expensive. Nnoitra briefly mused over the fact that Grimmjow had gotten his bellybutton pierced. For a bet, right? What an idiot. It brought a small smile to his face just thinking about it, or rather – about him.

     He headed over to the front desk, and leaned against it. There was nobody manning the front desk currently, but he didn’t mind waiting. He studied the artwork on the wall above the counter. Having dated a tattoo artist, Nnoitra actually had a little bit of knowledge about tattoos, and could recognize the designs as traditional Japanese. Dragons, geisha and --- what were those dogs called again? Nnoitra didn’t get the chance to try to think back to when he had been told about these designs, because someone approached him. Nnoitra turned his attention to the man, and straightened himself up from leaning on the counter. He noted that the other’s expression changed to slight surprise, now that he got to see just how tall Nnoitra was.

     ❝ Yo. ❞ Nnoitra greeted, cocking his head back all casually. The man was much smaller than himself, with pierced ears and bleached hair. Silver hair. See, it wasn’t just Grimmjow who was in his late 20s and still dyed his hair!

     ❝  Welcome! I’m sorry I wasn’t here to attend you. I’m Kimura Katsu, how can I help you? ❞  The man introduced himself with a Japanese name, and that meant his first and last name had swapped places. This made it even more difficult for Nnoitra to remember, but thankfully ‘ Katsu ‘ was a short name. He repeated it a few times in his head in order to at least attempt to remember it.

     ❝ ‘S fine. ❞ A small shrug was given. It was a good thing that the guy was busy, right? It meant this was a popular place, which mean lots of people trusted these tattoo artists to not fuck up their skin. ❝ I’m lookin’ ‘ta get tattooed. ❞ Might as well cut to the chase. Nnoitra had wondered how he was supposed to walk into a tattoo shop and say with a straight face that he wanted to get a couple tattoo. With his boyfriend. It had SEEMED like a problem, but after the whole ordeal he had been through now, it just wasn’t that big of a deal anymore. If anything, Nnoitra was so fucking happy to still be together with Grimmjow, that he didn’t think it was embarrassing to want to get a couple tattoo. ❝ Me ‘n my partner- ❞ Nnoitra rarely talked about Grimmjow to others, and he never referred to him as anything other than his ‘ friend ‘. Sure, he could’ve just made this tattoo artist think that he wanted to get a friendship tattoo with his best friend or something, but no. Nnoitra wanted to do this properly, without pretending it was something else. He didn’t have to be ASHAMED of being together with a guy. It didn’t make him girly or weak or anything like that. Right? So, he decided to correct himself. ❝ - My boyfriend. ❞ He watched the tattoo artist’s expression, to see if he was judging. The other’s face didn’t change at all, he was still smiling politely, just like he had been a moment ago. ❝ We wanna get some matchin’ tattoos. Just a pair ‘a simple ones. ‘S that somethin’ that ya’ll do here? ❞ If they didn’t do couple tattoos here, then there was no need for Nnoitra to waste his time.

     ❝ We do them. ❞  Katsu said with a small nod. Nnoitra thought there was a bit of hesitation in his voice though. He arched his brow, as if to urge him on to say what was wrong. ❝ I know it’s really not my place, but as someone who has seen people make decisions about their skin they have regretted later on, I have to ask if you’re both completely sure you want this? A tattoo is something you’ll have for life. ❞  It was obvious, even to Nnoitra, that Katsu was uncomfortable, even though he was being what Nnoitra would describe as ‘ professional ‘. Nnoitra knew why he asked, of course. Relationships could end, and who would want to walk around with their ex’ name on them? But he really was CERTAIN that he and Grimmjow would stay together. Grimmjow had asked him, or – told him – to stay with him forever. Nnoitra was never going to leave him. They loved each other. This tattoo artist didn’t know anything about them or what they had been through, and Nnoitra didn’t want to share DETAILS with him, and saying something like ‘ we love each other and will stay together forever ‘ was simply… Too much for him. Referring to Grimmjow as his boyfriend had been a big enough step. Instead of saying anything about his relationship with Grimmjow, Nnoitra rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie, to flash an insanely skinny wrist. It even surprised himself to see how skinny he was, and it put him off for a moment, but then he held it up for the other to see. What was he showing him? Oh, the tattoo he had gotten in his last relationship. There was a small, black infinity symbol.

     ❝ It’s from my ex. No matter what happens, I ain’t gonna regret nothin’. ❞ Basically, he was showing Katsu that he was the sort of guy to make bad decisions. Though, Nnoitra didn’ regret that tattoo, or the two others he had.

     ❝ I see. Well, I’ve done my duty of asking now, but since this is something you’ve done before you know what you’re getting yourself into. ❞  Oh, this guy was pretty REAL wasn’t he? Nnoitra would rather have people be like that with him. ❝ Have you and your partner thought about designs? ❞

     ❝ Yeah. I’m gonna be gettin’ a sun, ‘n he’s gettin’ a moon. ❞ Was it lame? Nnoitra didn’t even know. He had seen online that it was actually a pretty ‘ common ‘ couple tattoo to get, but that didn’t bother him. Seeing as these symbols actually had meaning to them. Why should they care that others also had such couple tattoos? They hadn’t got shit to do with their relationship. ❝ I was thinkin’ ‘a gettin’ it here. ❞ Nnoitra pointed to the inside of his forearm, right beneath his elbow ditch. ❝ We’ve both gotten tattooed before. ❞ That was the sort of thing tattoo artists liked to know. ❝ I’ve got ‘da ‘lil tattoo on my wrist, ‘n on my tongue - ❞ He briefly dipped his tongue out to show off the ‘ 5 ‘ there ( it needed to be refreshed, honestly ). ❝ ‘N I also got this one. ❞ He tugged his hoodie down a little, to show the top of some sketchy letters spelling ‘ Santa Teresa ‘.❝ ‘N he’s got a tattoo on his lower back, ‘n also beneath his eyes. ❞ So they weren’t going to be fucking pussies about getting tattoos. Nnoitra knew that dealing with people who were getting their first tattoos was difficult. Having dated a tattoo artist came in handy.

     ❝ Looks like you’ve really prepared for this, hm? ❞  The other mused with a small smile. ❝ What kind of style would you prefer? ❞

     ❝ Black ‘n grey ‘fo ‘sho. ‘Ta match ‘da rest ‘a my tattoos. I ain’t ‘bout that color. ❞ He said, shaking his head like the thought of a colorful tattoo was really off-putting. Which it was. He wasn’t a fucking happy-go-lucky guy who would wear permanent color on his skin. ❝ We just want somethin’ simple, but I don’t want it ‘ta be too small. Gotta be able ‘ta tell wha’ it is, ‘n don’t gimme any ‘a that girly shit. ❞ He was a MAN, and he wanted a manly tattoo. Not one of those fucking ‘ instagram tattoos ‘. He’d rather have a burn mark.

     ❝ So, you want something strong. Something that’s easily visible and legible. Simple, but not simplistic. ❞  It seemed like Katsu was talking mostly to himself, nodding a bit like he was making mental notes.

     ❝ Yeah, ‘daz right. Neither ‘a us can draw, so if ya wanna do it, I’mma leave it ‘ta ya ‘ta draw ‘da designs. ❞ He could trust this guy to do a good job, right? It seemed like he understood what Nnoitra wanted. That he understood that even though Nnoitra was dating a guy, he didn’t want some faggot tattoo. No fucking rainbows or flowers or that shit. Just a SUN. And a moon for Grimmjow.

     ❝ I’d like to draw them. But I want to draw something that matches your personalities. I think I have a good idea about how yours is going to look. ❞  Oh, was it that easy to read his personality? GOOD. Nnoitra wanted everyone to understand what sort of person he was. That he was a STRONG MAN. ❝ I’d really like it if you could tell me a bit about your boyfriend? What sort of person is he? ❞  This made Nnoitra pause. He never talked about Grimmjow, so it was a bit difficult to just all of a sudden describe him to a stranger. What sort of a person was Grimmjow? The BEST type. If that was a type. But anyone would say that about the person they loved.

     ❝ He’s… ❞ He tried to come up with something that would describe Grimmjow. ❝ He’s ‘da sort ‘a guy ya’d turn ‘round ‘n look at if ya passed him on ‘da street. ‘N that ain’t just ‘cause he’s got fuckin’ blue hair ‘n he’s missin’ an arm. He’s just so fuckin’ bright. ❞ How FUCKING LAME! But this was how Nnoitra saw Grimmjow. He saw him as someone who brightened up everything, wherever he went. Like the sun. ❝ He’s fuckin’ snarky as hell, ‘n he uses sarcasm all ‘da time. ‘N he’s loud when he talks, ‘n somehow he always knows what’s ‘da right thing ‘ta say. ❞ Always. No matter how low Nnoitra got, Grimmjow – somehow – always managed to pull him back up. Above water. ❝ He’s strong. He ain’t no fuckin’ pussy. ❞ There was another pause, while Nnoitra wondered if he should say the last thing he was thinking about. The tattoo artist patently waited. Fuck it. ❝ ‘N he saved my life. ❞ Yeah. He saved his life. Nnoitra COULDN’T live without him. Grimmjow had said that he wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him, and now – the same was true for Nnoitra. Without Grimmjow, he really wouldn’t survive. He wouldn’t want to survive. Katsu was still smiling, and he gave a small nod.

     ❝ I think I know what kind of moon I will draw for him. ❞

     Nnoitra ended up leaving the tattoo studio with an appointment set for next week. It was just a consultation though, and he would bring Grimmjow so that they could look at the designs the tattoo artist had drawn. Nnoitra could hardly wait to tell Grimmjow! Finally, they would be getting those tattoos! If ever there was a time to get them, it was now. After everything they had been through, Nnoitra felt even closer to Grimmjow. It was an amazing feeling.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel: Season 7 - A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 7 Summary Analysis

Despite having felt betrayed by his actions in season 6, Dean is devastated by Castiel’s death, spiraling into depression and becoming self-destructive. When Cas returns, Dean is happy he’s alive, but also still upset about Castiel’s previous manipulation and betrayal. Cas takes on Sam’s burden of mental instability to atone for his mistakes, and he avoids conflict out of fear of messing up again. Cas is only able to come out of his funk when Dean tells him he forgives him and still believes in him.

My interpretation: Castiel’s betrayal hits Dean harder than anyone else because Dean trusted him more than he’s trusted anyone else in his life. He feels lost when Cas dies, not knowing who to trust. Dean is able to fully forgive Cas after he saves Sam, and still values his help even though he’s gone a bit wonky. Cas feels utterly appalled at himself for the cataclysmic mistakes he’s made. He reverts to a childlike state in order to cope with the knowledge that he has caused intense suffering. He feels connected to Meg because she is one of the few people with a level of darkness in her comparable to the one he feels within himself. Dean is the only person who can talk Cas into getting back into the fight because he trusts Dean’s judgement above his own—if Dean believes in him, then he can allow himself to believe in himself.

7.01 Meet the New Boss

The Purgatory souls have completely scrambled Castiel’s brain. He turns away from free will ideals and becomes a tyrant, killing many angels and doing lots of damage on Earth. Dean has given up on Cas: “Cas is never coming back. He’s lied to us, he used us, he cracked your gourd like it was nothing. No more talk. We have spent enough on him.”

After his vessel starts falling apart, Cas asks for help returning the souls and feels ashamed: “I feel regret about you and what I did to Sam. If there was time, if I was strong enough, I’d fix him now. I just wanted to make amends before I die.” “Okay.” “Is it working?” “Does it make you feel better?” “No. You?” “Not a bit.”

When Cas falls unconscious after Purgatory has opened, Dean is still concerned for his welfare and upset that he’s (apparently) dead: “Cas, you child. Why didn’t you listen to me?”

Cas desperately wants to redeem himself: “I’ll find some way to redeem myself to you.” “Alright, well, one thing at a time. Come on, let’s get you outta her.” “I mean it, Dean.” “Okay. Alright, but let’s go find Sam, okay?”

7.02 Hello, Cruel World

Dean is devastated when Cas (apparently) dies, and he keeps his trench coat that has washed up on the shore: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

Bobby recognizes the extent of Dean’s loss: “Just lost one of the best friends you ever had, your brother’s in the bell jar, and Purgatory’s most wanted are surfin’ the sewer lines, but yeah, I get it. Right. You’re fine.”

7.07 The Mentalists

Sam calls Dean out for pretending he’s fine when he’s not: “You can’t just look me in the face and tell me you’re fine. I mean, you’re not sleeping, you drink for the record... Just be honest with me, how are those the actions of someone who knows they did the right thing? [in reference to killing Amy]” “I went with my gut, and that felt right. I didn’t trust her, Sam. Of course, ever since Cas, I’m having a hard time trusting anybody. And as far as how I’ve been acting, I don’t know. Maybe it’s ‘cause I don’t like lying to you. You know, it doesn’t feel right. So yeah, you got me there. I been climbing the walls.”

7.09 How to Win Friends and Influence Monsters

Sam talks about Dean‘s struggle with Bobby: “So you don’t worry about him? ...Ever since my head broke, and we lost Cas. I mean, you feel like he’s going through the same motions but he’s not the same Dean, you know?”

Bobby calls Dean out for his despondent behavior: “I’ve seen a lot of hunters live and die. You’re starting to talk like one of the dead ones, Dean.” “No, I’m talking the way a person talks when they’ve had it, when they can’t figure out why they used to think all this mattered.”

7.12 Time After Time

Sam makes a joke about Dean’s sexuality: “Are you gonna look at more anime, or are you strictly into Dick now?”

7.13 The Slice Girls

Sam observes Dean’s distracted behavior again: “You know what? Bobby was right. Your head’s not in it, man. When Cas died, you were wobbly, but now... Look, Dean, the thing is, tonight it almost got you killed. Now I don’t care how you deal. I really, really don’t. But just don’t get killed.”

7.17 The Born-Again Identity

Dean is dumb-founded when he sees that Cas is alive. Even though Cas has no memory of what happened, Dean talks about it with him: “You know, I used to be able to just shake this stuff off. You know, whatever it was, it might take me some time, but I always could. What Cas did, I just can’t. I don’t know why.”

Dean looks uncomfortable when Meg flirts with the amnesiac Cas.

Dean encourages Cas to use his powers: “It’s in there. I’m sure it’s just like riding a bike.”

When Castiel’s memory returns, he feels ashamed for what he did. He tries to run off, but Dean stops him: “If you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time.” “Don’t defend me. Do you have any idea the death toll in heaven? On Earth? We didn’t part friends, Dean.” “So, what?” “I deserved to die. Now I can’t possibly fix it, so why did I even walk out of that river?” “Maybe TO fix it.”

Dean is able to convince Cas to stay and help after he pulls his trench coat out of the trunk of his car.

To atone for what he did to Sam, Cas shifts Sam’s broken mental state into himself.

7.20 The Girl with the Dungeons and Dragons Tattoo

Dean walks Charlie through flirting with a man, and he tells Sam not to tell anyone about it: “It shows. You look amazing.” “You do anything else with your free time, like take a girl out for a drink?”

7.21 Reading is Fundamental

When Cas wakes up, Dean is happy to see him, but not sure how to handle his wackiness.

Cas exhibits fondness for Meg: “Will you look at her? My caretaker. All of that thorny pain. So beautiful.”

When Dean tries to talk to Cas about what he did, Cas makes him play a game of Sorry!: “We live in a ‘Sorry!’ universe. It’s engineered to create conflict. I mean, why should I prosper from your misfortune? But these are the rules. I didn’t make ‘em.” “You made some of ‘em. When you tried to become God, when you cut that hole into that wall.”

Dean is still furious with Cas: “Forget the game, Cas.” “I’m sorry, Dean.” “No. You’re playing sorry.”

When Dean yells at Cas, he gets upset. He explains that he doesn’t want to get involved: “No, I don’t fight anymore. I watch the bees.”

Dean expresses his frustration with Cas to Kevin: “The angels, they don’t care. I think maybe they just don’t have the equipment to care. It seems like when they try, it just breaks them apart.”

When Hester shows back up again, she mentions Castiel’s deep connection with Dean: “The very touch if you corrupts. When Castiel first laid a hand on you in hell, he was lost!”

Cas gives his blood for a spell: “Well, you know me. I’m always happy to bleed for the Winchesters.”

7.23 Survival of the Fittest

We learn that Cas apparently showed up naked on Dean’s car: “We can call Castiel again.” “Dude, on my car, he showed up naked, covered in bees.” “Yeah, I’m not really sorry I missed that.”

Meg complains about Cas to Dean: “Go ask him. He was your boyfriend first.”

Dean gets frustrated trying to communicate with Cas, who is still acting wonky, but he tries hard to be patient with him.

Cas makes sandwiches for the Winchesters made with uncontaminated food from out of the country: “Please, accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity.”

Cas still feels ashamed for what he did and is afraid of messing up again: “I can’t help. You understand? I can’t. I destroyed everything, and I will destroy everything again. Can we please just leave it at that?”

Dean loses his patience with Cas: “No, we can’t leave it. You let these freakin’ things in, so you don’t get to make a sandwich, you don’t get a damn cat, nobody cares that you’re broken, Cas! Clean up your mess!”

Dean convinces Cas to help by explaining that he still believes in him: “Bottom of the ninth, and you’re the only guy left on the bench... sorry, but I’d rather have you, cursed or not.” ... “Well, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I detect a note of forgiveness.” “Yeah, well, we’re probably gonna die tomorrow, so...” “Well, I’ll go with you. And I’ll do my best.”

[hufflepuff-ravenclaw-reviews]

Proven Innocent Season 1 Episode 6

We open with Madeline and Violet at the women's prison, offering the women “gift baskets” with make-up and $25 commissary cards, but also offering them forums to fill out if they think that they've been wrongfully convicted. A girl pushes her way to the front line, and asks if Madeline knows her/her case. Madeline agrees, and asks that she fill out the forum if she thinks that she's innocent.

Her case is called “CinderHella”. She was adopted from Korea when she was six years old, and her adoptive mother apparently never loved her. Except instead of finding her prince and getting away from a shitty situation, she just snapped and killed her mom instead.

One crucial piece of “evidence” is the 911 tape, in which she sounded... unemotional. Madeline said that it was the same way with her own 911 tape. You're either not emotional enough, or too emotional; you can never win.

Another important evidence was mysterious bruises all over the client's body. She doesn't remember how they got there, but also says that her aunt had her committed to the mental hospital right after the murder. The entire thing sounds shifty as fuck-all.

When they go visit the mental hospital, the doctor clearly wants them to come back with a warrant... and not just because that's how things are done. She clearly wants to show them something.

As the team is discussing how shifty that the entire case seems, Levi shows up and tells Madeline that the guy from the previous episode hung himself. After Madeline says that he'd confronted her after Levi had confronted him, Levi feels better because he thought that the things he said to the guy had made him kill himself. Madeline is quick to jump onto a perfectly reasonable explanation for the man killing himself: he was depressed and never got the help he needed. He says that they should go to the funeral.

Bodie goes to the golf club, where he casually slides up to the client's aunt, the one who had her committed to the mental hospital, and who also inherited $300 MILLION dollars. However, she insists that she liked her niece... and that she already had money of her own.

But later, Violet tells the others that the murder victim was having an affair with her lawyer, but called it off just before she was murdered. However, neither of these suspects were ever so much as questioned once by the police.

Just then, Bellows's political opponent comes in to slam Madeline for having given Bellows ammunition against him in the campaign. She instead offers up something that would destroy Bellows more than the info Madeline gave Bellows: a way to destroy Rosemary's Law by offering up Mr. Lynch, who has always been opposed to the law in the first place.

Meanwhile, all is not exactly great with Bellows's campaign. He's running out of money, so he talks to some rich sob in a polyester leisure suit (yes, he was wearing a fucking golden chain). The guy apparently has enough money to ensure Bellows's campaign now is well-funded, but also that he'd be pushed all the way to the top. But in exchange, he'd ask that Bellows get the FDA to stop hounding him about this drug that he made. Bellows doesn't want anything to do with it, if only because... there's probably a reason why the FDA is going after this drug so much.

Eventually, Mr. Lynch stars in a campaign ad and speaks out against Rosemary's Law. Bellows and his team watches it from the office, and admit that this is insanely bad. Bellows wants to launch his own campaign ads, but his campaign money has run out.

So, he goes crawling back to the sleazeball, and begs for money anyway. And because wearing tacky suits wasn't enough, he also asks about Isabel after he agrees to help Bellows.

In court, the doctor from the mental hospital testifies that she'd informed the prosecutor at the time of the initial trial that the client's bruises were the result of being physically restrained, not from having been in a physical altercation with her adoptive mother. The judge doesn't like that one bit, and agrees to a new trial.

However, as they're leaving, Bodie says that the aunt and the lawyer boyfriend both have air-tight alibis for the night of the murder. So they're back to square one to figure out who actually killed the mother.

They go talk to their client again. She says that the night of the murder, she was at her friend's party. She was there all night, but some guy claimed that she'd left at midnight. And that's what got her put in jail.

They go talk to the friend who'd hosted the party, who says that the client's mother was a real asshole. She lorded it over everybody that the client was adopted, even though literally everybody with eyes could see that. (Two white people does not equal an Asian baby.) She also said some unkind things about the guy who lied on the stand, but agrees to give Madeline and Easy the photos and video from the night of the party (which had been previously taken by the police).

Violet and Bodie then tell the lying liar who lies that he's invited to be on their podcast! Whee, who doesn't enjoy that! He says that he was the designated driver that evening, so he hadn't been drinking at all. He also says that the client hit on him pretty hard, because she'd been doing drugs with her friend that night. However, he gets upset and storms out when he finds out that they'd representing her in court. But not before they serve him with a subpoena to testify.

Meanwhile, Madeline and Levi go to the funeral. Levi says that everybody at the high school got an email about the funeral, so everybody's there. And it goes about as well as you might expect. Everybody hates Madeline and Levi. Everybody. Heather goes up to talk, although she does the most tacky thing ever: she makes the eulogy about the dead guy all about her opinions about what happened about Rosemary.

However, one lady gets up and storms out... and she's not Madeline. The lady used to be one of Heather's friends in high school, but while Heather now maintains that “perfect housewife” persona, this lady is more “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” (Madeline's actual words). Madeline follows her out, and talks to her. She says that she overdosed and almost died because of Heather, so they're not exactly friends anymore. She then tells Madeline that Heather would steal her father's prescription pad and would sell it to people, but “friends” of Heather got the drugs for free. Because of course they did.

She then tells Madeline to drop the subject, and makes a weird mention that this guy's death won't be the last as far as Rosemary's case is concerned. Which... I feel like that's not going to get Madeline to stop. Furthermore, maybe this hasn't affected the chick all that much, but Madeline was literally jailed because of this. Of course she's not going to let it go.

Later, Madeline bitches about the entire thing to Dylan... the show finally said his fucking name. Ugh.

As Madeline goes to court, she's cornered by Bellows, who begs her to drop this case, because the client is guilty. However, Madeline throws back Bellows's quick sinking campaign in his face, and insists that he doesn't need another one of his convictions overturned.

In court, they question the guy who'd previously lied on the stand about having seen the client leave the party at midnight. He continues to insist that he was the designated driver, however, video footage from the party that night clearly shows him doing lines of coke off the coffee table. Clearly very sober. /sarcasm

As they're leaving for the day, a man approaches them. He says that he's some sort of professor, and he thinks that the murder was caused by a serial killer.

Back at the office, he explains about his theory. First, the killer in question had gotten off on some BS technicality on some of his earlier murders, but he believes that this murder fits the profile. He then says that this murderer communicated with his victims via email, and Bodie is set on the task of getting into dear old mum's email account to see if she had anything like that.

Bodie comes back later and shows them that the mom did have emails from the serial killer that matched the description. A lot of them. So obviously, this is the work of a serial killer, and not their client.

Just then, Violet gets a message notification on her phone. An article published about Madeline and Levi... with a byline by Dylan. In it, details that Madeline ONLY said to Dylan are written.

Violet later tries to make sure that Madeline is okay, but she insists that Dylan didn't mean that much to her in the first place.

While Madeline's having a melt-down over Dylan being a creep, he confronts his boss. He'd previously told him that there was no story about Madeline, except that she was working to uncover who actually killed Rosemary. So, the boss took Dylan's work on his company-owned computer, and gave it to another reporter. Apparently, this paper doesn't give a shit about their reputation, because literally none of that news is remotely verifiable. Dylan then quits on the spot.

In court, they have the suspected serial killer on the stand. She produces the emails as evidence, and says that the IP address is registered to his home address. (Which, that's not how fucking IP addresses work. My current IP address lists me as being in another town in my same state.) When Madeline presses if he'd sent similar emails to his other victims, and the judge presses him to answer, he pleads the fifth. Which is never a good sign.

The jury later comes back with a not guilty verdict for the client, so she goes free.

Later, Violet has both the now former client as well as the professor who's information helped to free the client on her podcast to talk about the case. However, as they're sitting together and talking about the case, Violet can't help but notice that the client tenderly touches the professor's hands. In a way that conveys that they're way more than casual friends.

Violet left the room with the table mics off, but had the room mics on to record their conversation after she'd left. She plays the recording for Easy, Madeline, and Bodie. And it basically suggests exactly what Bellows had tried to warn Madeline about earlier: that this one is completely guilty. But their hands are tied. They can't just suddenly retry their client, because that would be double jeopardy. They can't file charges against the professor as an accessory after the fact, because that would break attorney/client privilege.

But what they end up doing is sending Bodie, aka the person who isn't a lawyer, to follow them and see what he can dig up/catch them doing. He takes pictures of the two of them kissing in public.

And finally, Dylan comes to Madeline's apartment. She'd been avoiding his calls and otherwise ignoring her. He tries to say that he didn't write the article and that he quit, but Madeline starts beating him up on the floor outside her apartment.

[nerdwaifuu]

Dystopian Ninjago Story Chapter 3

Holy moly this took me way too long to write and post. 

So here’s chapter 3 of my fanfic that I was been posting for the past few weeks.

here’s a link to ch 1 and ch 2 

Anyhoo, enjoy.

Word count: 2419 words 

"Let's just say I have access to more things than you. On the topic of the ninja, we didn't only forget their names. We forgot their personality, their values, and much more. The "facts" we know could be complete bullshit. The red ninja could have actual red hair, or the blue ninja could actually be the tallest of the bunch. Anyway, I do think they are dead, other than the white ninja... but he isn't really alive. I'm not even talking about the fact that he is an android (or is he??). In our city, no one is alive. We're The Council's zombies. So whether the ninja are physically alive in the city or not, they would be mentally dead like the rest of us.

"You ask why I am throwing away my life like this. I'm risking my life in order to be alive. What is life without some risks?"

Dareth couldn't wrap his mind around the person's entry. Looking at everyone he passed, he tried to look them in the eye. Their eyes were empty; their minds were nebulous. Dareth had no clue why. What did The Council do in order to leave them as mindless, walking corpses? Was it the pills he had to take every morning, or was there a secret weapon behind the walls of Borg Industries, the place where the Council stayed and their workers worked? Either way, Dareth could see what the person meant by everyone being mentally dead. He could recognize nearly how mentally dead he was.

But Dareth still didn't understand why anyone would risk their life. Life without some risks was just a life without any risks in Dareth's head; it was a life that nearly everyone in the city has been avoiding in order to survive. They just wake up, go straight to work, go back home, and repeat the next day. No one steps out of line unless they don't mind suffering a terrible fate. Risking his life didn't make Dareth feel alive; it only brought him 10 steps closer to death.

Dareth sighed at the thoughts, knowing he had to get rid of them before he reached the community center. Every Friday evening, Dareth had to go to the community center. Since he always skipped the trials and executions, and he always avoided any events relating to The Council, this was his only way to fit in with society. If he didn't go, he could be suspected of disloyalty. Although he didn't want to go, he had to in order to survive; he wasn’t ready to take any more risks.

Walking into the large building, he could hear many activities taking place at once. The first thing he saw was the area dedicated to children; there was a group of children chatting while waiting for the beginning of a play, which was probably about how terrible the villagers were or the history of The Council. Fortunately for the children, the play began as Dareth walked by. The children hushed as the curtains were pulled to the sides. Out came a man with a mask. The mask was made to resemble those worn by The Council members. The mask was mainly blue with white swirls, the eyes were golden with black pupils surrounded by white flames, the bottom of the mask had 3 spikes on both sides, there was a large sharp-toothed grin stretched across the mask, and there were two kite shaped gems on the mask; one on the forehead and one on the nose. Dareth questioned how anyone would trust a group of people who wore these masks to run their government, and it didn't help that the masks reminded him of some masks he had seen in the past that gave the wearers powers and had some other use when all of them came together; however, he couldn't remember the exact details of these masks and there was no evidence of their existence. It all could've been a huge nightmare, especially since he actually had a lame excuse of a power during a section of the whole dream.

The man began the story of the rise of The Council. Although he had heard the story many, many times before, Dareth stood there and listened. It had all started when the Emperor and his family were killed. The Emperor and The Empress were killed in a fire and their adopted daughter later died, but no details were given about her death; it was almost like she was being erased from history for whatever she did before her death. With no one in power, everyone wondered who would take the place as Emperor. In the city, a group of people, later known as The Council, joined together and promised to make Ninjago as better place to live in; remove all evil that still remained, continue all technological advancements, and basically make Ninjago the best country and empire ever. Unfortunately, the villages surrounding the city didn't agree. According to the man telling the story, "the villagers started spreading rumors about The Council when they gained power". War broke out between The Council and the villages about 5 years ago according to Dareth, and was still an issue; however, the storyteller said 10 years instead of 5. Dareth couldn't tell if it was just a mistake or something now enforced in the history books which The Council says has no mistakes in it. Anyway, The Council built an army with the Ninja as the leaders, but the Ninja soon turned against The Council and was removed after someone turned them in; Dareth wondered who could turn the Ninja in without being completely destroyed by their elemental powers. Their powers were taken and no one knew what happened afterwards.

Whatever the man said afterwards, Dareth blocked from his mind as he moved on. Walking further down the hall, he had to pass the area dedicated to some lectures. He wished he didn't have to hear a single word in the lecture, but he had to pass it in order to get to the bar. Blocking his mind from whatever message the speaker wanted to spread, Dareth went directly to the end of hall and entered the bar. The TVs above the bar played replayed the news from the past week with the same young woman reciting whatever she was told to say. Tables were set around the room next to 2 pool tables. Almost every seat and table was taken, except the seat Dareth always sat in every Friday, but this time someone else also sat at that table. Fortunately, that person was no stranger.

"Hey Sensei Dareth!" The teenage boy exclaimed with a slightly fake smile on his face, a look that everyone who wanted to look happy had. With a sigh, Dareth went to the table and sat down. Being called sensei felt weird to him. He did not recall ever being this kid's sensei and has mentioned this to him, but the only response Dareth got was, "Yeah, but it just feels right."

"Hey Evan, weren't you supposed to be working today?" Evan was supposed to be the bartender on Fridays, despite his age. Plenty of times before Evan took the job, Dareth had refused because he was only 16. Somehow, they made a compromise and Evan ended up working on Fridays. As long as his parents didn't mind, everything was fine.

"Yeah... but the place was empty. The Dragon Force are supposed to coming into the city with some prisoners. I guess everyone's waiting for their return and for the upcoming executions."

Dareth could feel a shiver go down his spine at the thought of the executions. The idea of watching people get murdered right in front of you only to cheer and yell hateful comments to every prisoner left a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Then everyone cheering for the soldiers part of The Council's army, given the interesting name of the Dragon Force. The name sounded like it came right of a children's cartoon, but the actual soldiers were no laughing matter. You can see your own reflection in their polished black samurai armor before they get you; whether they knock you out and drag your unconscious body to The Council or stab their sword right through your chest, you know it's over. It was time to enter your grave with no chance of escaping. They brought destruction wherever they go although, in Ninjago's culture, dragons were creatures of creation, not destruction; dragons were supposed to be the good in life. Now everyone knew to be afraid when the word "dragon" was spoken.

Fortunately, there was no further discussion on why Evan was not working; instead, Evan rambled on about school. About everything they taught the students and how they got set for a visit by one of the Inner Dragon Force, soldiers who stayed in the city to deal with traitors who live among them. They were the ones that Dareth feared most since they can usually blend in, but he was probably always surrounded by them in public and especially in the community center. If he took a look around, he could probably find at least 25% of the people in the bar with the red dragon tattoo on the back of their hand, and including the ones who hide their tattoo with paint, makeup, gloves, and whatever else can hide it.

"Yeah, everyone's hoping for either the girl with the red hair or the guy with the eyepatch and the robot arm. It doesn't matter to me, but as long as it's not this one big guy, he’s scary..."

Dareth nodded as Evan went on, but something was taking him away from the conversation. It felt like someone's gaze was drilling into the back of his head, searching for all the secrets he hid. Dareth wanted to turn around to see what was behind him, but he didn't want to seem paranoid.

"Hey, you wanna head back to your bar?" Evan asked, looking past Dareth and straight at whoever or whatever was behind him.

"Ok, but I need to stop by my place so I can get something and then we can tell your parents were you are," Dareth said as he stood and led Evan out of the bar. Before they reached the exit, Dareth looked at what was located behind him. At one of the pool tables, a group of 3 Inner Dragon Force soldiers were playing a game and drinking their worries away. There was a woman with bright red hair that was a refreshing look against the colorless world, and two men; one was huge in size and very intimidating with his muscular arms, a weapon strapped to his back, and more weapons strapped to his belt while the other man, who was smaller compared to his companion, had a robotic arm that could probably do as much, or even more, damage as the other man's muscular arms and huge hands. Dareth's heart sank as he locked eyes with the man with the robotic arm’s one eye, but the soldier quickly looked away, acknowledging that Dareth saw him. Sighing, Dareth could already imagine his death. He didn't know which would be the most painful; the robotic arm, the muscular arms, or whatever weapons the larger man had in his possession, and Dareth had no clue what was in store with the woman.

Turning away, Dareth quickened his pace as he left the bar and went out the doors of the community center with Evan on his heels.

Walking through the city became a dreadful task. Everyone stood around, staring at the blocked off streets as soldiers came in with their vehicles dragging carts full of prisoners. There was no avoiding the helpless looks from the prisoners praying for a way of escape. No matter the amount of helpless prisoners or the amount of soldiers missing, no one shed a single tear or felt remotely sorry. Only anger raged through the city at the sights of the prisoners, and it was only enforced by The Council. Dareth tried to ignore every scream, yell, and threat he heard from the crowd surrounding him and Evan. Shooting a look at Evan, Evan's face and black, short, curly hair was hidden beneath the hood of his hoodie as his dark eyes were glued to the ground. One thing Dareth enjoyed about Evan's company was that he was not enthusiastic when it came to The Council. He was never interested in the trials and he didn't care about The Council. Dareth wondered what went on inside his mind everyday and how much he had to say if he was allowed to say it; only if he had a journal. Dareth shook off the thought. Evan probably had no clue how to write anymore, so he could never imagine him leaning over the book as he wrote in a sort of script. At least, Dareth hopes so. Evan was the only person at the moment Dareth would give up his life for if anything would happen, so having Evan write his death wish in the journal had to be avoided.

The two finally got to the apartments and went their separate ways only to meet later at the bar. Evan went to tell his neglectful parents where he was going, and Dareth went to his room to get the journal. He just wanted to have the journal on him while he stayed out late, but the idea was idiotic in his mind. If Evan sees it, Dareth knew Evan’s and his own safety would be in question. Surely, he just had to hide the contents of the journal while he wrote a response and come up with a lie for what he was doing. He had pushed off writing a response for the past 3 days while the person on the other side had kept up with his or her responses, so it only felt right to get it done now in a place where the only person watching is some Dareth feels he can trust and can easily get away with something like this.

With a sigh, Dareth hid the journal under his coat and made his way down to the lobby and then out the door into the still congested streets of the city. From there, Dareth pushed through the crowds, hoping Evan didn’t mind that he was late; nevertheless, Evan was most likely experiencing the same crowds.

[ludacryst]

Survey Says..

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I'm 5'3, but I sometimes wish I was shorter because of how cute it can be in a relationship. I've watched too much anime, okay?

2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) Well, @warpedbelief didn't help me figuring this out because his dragon idea was really cool. However... I'll just stick with cats. I love cats. (I also love dragons..)

3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Comfortable. Lol. I mostly wear PJs.

4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Final Fantasy series in general. 7 & 9 Specifically. My heart was always with Zelda ALTTP though.

5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: Erwin, Wiggles, PoF (Power of Friendship, so my friends/family.)

6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Caution : Speaks her mind far too often. No filter. Bossy af. Does not cave easily.

7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? I don't know.

8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] Melancholic.

9: Are you ticklish? .....No...?....(Yes)

10: Are you allergic to anything? Lots of stuff. There's a list uploaded somewhere.

11: What’s your sexuality? Heteronormative Bisexual. I used to call it straight with a twist until I figured out there was an actual term for it. Basically, I'm emotionally attracted to men and commonly see myself in a relationship with men. (My Husband, HI.) However, I have similar attractions physically to women, but have never seen myself in a relationship with one other than physically.

12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Cocoa or Tea, but I'll drink any of em.

13: Are you a cat or dog person? Cat. 1000% They're chill just like me... once they're older.

14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Elf, probably. I love nature, I hate being allergic to it though.

15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? Nah, I just skim youtube from time to time, no favorite.

16: How tall are you? 5'3.

17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I'd probably keep it in the realm it's already in. So, I'm Crystal. I go by Crys (Chris) so probably Christina.. or anything that could shorten it to Chris of sorts. It's just me.

18: How much do you weigh? 175-190, depends on if I've ate fast food recently or not. More averaged at 186, but it's jumped a lot the past few months. Goal weight is 125.

19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? Sure. I don't disbelieve. Had a thing when i was a kid a few times that make me think something exists.. whether or not we know what it is.

20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space. Stars. I love water don't get me wrong, but I'm more curious about what we can't physically reach.

21: Are you religious? Nah.

22: Pet peeves? Liars, people who try to grind my gears, people saying "I'm going to do it just to spite you." I'm tired of toxicity of people.

23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal. I'm defaulted to Nocturnal, so just eat some edibles and we're in bed by 10pm! :)

24: Favorite constellation? Leo ;)

25: Favorite star? Sirius, it shines the brightest.

26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? I don't like dolls. They're creepy.

27: Any phobias or fears? Irrational : Dolls, Being around people. Rational : Heights, Closed Spaces t-t

28: Do you think global warming is real? Fucking. Is this seriously a question? Of course it's real.

29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I actually like to. It gives me hope there's something after death.

30: Favorite movie? I'm not sure I have a favorite movie...

31: Do you get scared easily? Nah, but I love a good jump scare.

32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? Christina - My first doggie, passed away when I was in 4th grade. She was a mini collie~ Alexi - My green/yellow parakeet. Passed away at roughly 2-3 years old. Jiggy - My gray/white beautiful DHS big boi kitty. (2006-2016) Momma - My loving calico who picked me over everyone. ;o;  (2006-2018) Wiggles - Adopted from my family, he's a tyrant! He loves his dad more than me tho... [rude] (2016-???)

33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] You CC please.

34: What is a color that calms you? Blue. Blue is always relaxing, especially softer/darker blues.

35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Travel wise, I want to visit a lot of places. Germany, UK, Canada... more specifically Niagara Falls.. Live wise, if I could, I'd live in Canada. However... I just want to live in the midwest, or east, somewhere more affordable in the US.

36: Where were you born? Ohio!

37: What is your eye color? Blue-gray.

38: Introvert or extrovert? 1000% introverted.

39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? I think they're amusing as fuck. I don't believe/follow them 100%. I do like to imagine what it would be like if they were right though. I follow zodiac stuff way more than horoscope.

40: Hugs or kisses? xoxoxo - Preferably hugs, they're for everyone! *HUGS*

41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Scotty! ( @warpedbelief )

42: Who is someone you love deeply? @hyphenhero - My husbando.

43: Any piercings you want? I really dunno any more. The only one I've been considering lately is Daith.

44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don't dislike tattoos and piercings.

45: Do you smoke or have you ever done so? Cigarettes are disgusting. Be more descriptive of your "smoking." I have marijuana vapes I enjoy.

46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! Well, I married him.

47: What is a sound you really hate? Anything pitchy. My ears have been killing me the past year or so.

48: A sound you really love? Meow.

49: Can you do a backflip? HAHAHA No.

50: Can you do the splits? Almost did them on accident the other day. It really hurt. (No)

51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Do voice actors count? Because then I'm between two. Johnny Yong Bosch and Matt Mercer.

52: Favorite movie? Wasn't this asked already? I don't have one.

53: How are you feeling right now? Tired.

54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I really want to bleach it blonde again.

55: When did you feel happiest? Maybe when we first moved into our second apartment? The rent was cheaper, it was nice. I miss freedom. Though, I also miss having a full guild of friends and getting along and having fun together.. Man I'm getting old.

56: Something that calms you down? Marijuana primarily. Hugs. Kittens.

57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] Anxiety, Depression, Memory issues xD Honestly you should just ask if there's stuff NOT wrong with me.

58: What does your URL mean? It's a nickname a friend gave me 11 years ago. Holy crap. It's been 11 years.

59: What three words describe you the most? Sassy, Bratty, Mom-ish.

60: Do you believe in evolution? Yes.

61: What makes you unfollow a blog? Too much spam/boring content. Stuff I'm not interested in. Sometimes inactivity for years.

62: What makes you follow a blog? Stuff I'm interested in typically.

63: Favorite kind of person: People I can just talk to about anything. I like to talk. I don't like to be pestered and felt bad about not responding right away. I enjoy helping people. So I'm mostly a listener. I like to talk about stuff we're mutually interested in. Sometimes I love people I can debate with but not hate after (reasonable debates.) I guess I'm going to be that guy and copy what my friend said.. "Engaging, but not too much that I’m constantly tired. I like doing nothing, but doing nothing with the right person."

64: Favorite animal(s): Cats. All the cats.

65: Name three of your favorite blogs. I don't really actively follow any specific blog in particular! :x

66: Favorite emoticon: :smirk: (use it on discord... though if you played maplestory, it's an F3 equivalent... )

67: Favorite meme: You said that tho?

68: What is your MBTI personality type? INFJ-T

69: What is your star sign? Leo

70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? No dog, but you'd be damn right to guess I'd train them.

71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? Any of the fluffy pjs with a thin tank top.

72: Post a selfie or two? https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/me https://ludacryst.tumblr.com/tagged/wedding

73: Do you have platform shoes? Nah. I don't have heels either.

74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? My memory is absolutely shit in most situations.  However, in certain and RANDOM AF situations it can be clear as day. If I want to learn/remember something? Forget about it. If I could not care less about something? You'll be damn straight I'll remember it.

75: Can you do a front flip? Lol, no.

76: Do you like birds? Yeah, cept the annoying high pitched ones T_T

77: Do you like to swim? I used to love to. I can't really be in the sun for long any more though.

78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Never been Ice Skating! Always wanted to try. I'd probably equally enjoy both.

79: Something you wish didn’t exist: Mosquitoes, Cancer, Violence. On the violence part... It's mostly guns. If we had swordsman style fights - It'd be more interesting.

80: Some thing you wish did exist: Cures to incurables. Cancer, Epilepsy, Autism, etc. (I'm an epilepsy survivor.)

81: Piercings you have? Had an eyebrow piercing, lost it the same month I got it to pink eye.

82: Something you really enjoy doing: Watching television. I miss reading. I have a hard time focusing on reading now.

83: Favorite person to talk to: I have 3! Erwin (@hyphenhero) - My husband~ and my friends Scott (@warpedbelief)  and Brandon.

84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? What the fuck is this and why do people use it? inb4 I replaced wordpress with it.

85: How many followers do you have? I don't really check. My Tumblr is mostly for me... and I just restarted fresh these past few months.

86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? Maybe if I tried. Used to be able to run one in 6.

87: Do your socks always match? Yeah.

88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? HA, Never could.

89: What are your birthstones? Peridot, Sardonyx, Spinel

90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? Cat? Yes. Spoil me.

91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? Tulips.

92: A store you hate? Umm.... I don't know if I avoid any stores in particular....

93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 1-2. My stomach gets pretty upset.

94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly. Definitely. I get lost in my own mind enough.

95: Do you like to wear camo? Situationally.

96: Winter or summer? Winter 100%. Hate the heat. Love the snow.

97: How long can you hold your breath for? I don't know. Like 30 seconds maybe?

98: Least favorite person? They who will not be named. It gives them too much attention.

99: Someone you look up to: I used to look up to my mom a lot. Now I'm more-so my own person, I just do what I can to do right by me and my hubby.

100: A store you love? Uhm.. Any cheap store... I don't really have a favorite. I guess amazon for saving me gas?

101: Favorite type of shoes Skechers.

102: Where do you live? California.

103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nah. I love ham too much.

104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Cubic Zirconia actually. It's so undervalued but so pretty.

105: Do you drink milk? Used to. Not really much any more.

106: Do you like bugs? Sometimes. But not in the house.

107: Do you like spiders? Sure, they get rid of the bad bugs.

108: Something you get paranoid about? Being followed. Bugs crawling on me.

109: Can you draw: Used to be able to. Not any more.

110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? I don't know, I usually tell people anything they ask lol.

111: A question you hate being asked? Any question I had previously already answered, and they just weren't paying attention. Anything related to me/my own working/schooling.

112: Ever been bitten by a spider? Not that I can remember.

113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Yeah, it's really relaxing.

114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Cloudy, 100%

115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: I would like to cuddle Momma right now.. Why you gotta go and make a girl sad for survey thing? (My calico that passed away last year..)

116: Favorite cloud type: Cumulus, Cumulonimbus, and Nimbostratus. Yes I googled them for their names.

117: What color do you wish the sky was? I honestly love the colors the sky is/can be, especially at sunrise and sunset.

118: Do you have freckles? Yes, but you can only see them when I have a tan. So to anyone who hasn't seen me since I was 10, you'd never know I had them.

119: Favorite thing about a person: How they treat people. If they're kind to animals. Eyes. Definitely eyes.

120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits @_@

121: Something you want to do right now: Play Zelda - BoTW on Hard - but... I'm lazy.

122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Ocean. But they look best together.

123: Sweet or sour foods? Candies or actual food? Food, sweet. Candies, sour.

124: Bright or dim lights? Dim as you can go without causing me to have seizures over tiny little things.

125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? I wish. Dragons would rock my world.

126: Something you hate about Tumblr: Yahoo owning it.

127: Something you love about Tumblr: The freedom it USED to have.

128: What do you think about the least? I dunno, I think about it the least... so it won't naturally come to me.

129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Carpe Diem ....heheheh.

130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? Why would I name them? Again with the attention thing.

131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My Epilepsy. It's shown me who really gives a fuck about me, but also it's taken a lot from me.

132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? No, I hate my teeth.

133: Computer or TV? Computer, it offers more.

134: Do you like roller coasters? Never been on one, definitely want to try.

135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Sometimes motion sickness, never got seasick tho.

136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Attatched.

137: Do you believe in karma? I like to believe in Karma, but I really feel like people don't get their just desserts :(

138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -5

139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Crys, Crysti, Cryssi, Crysii, Ludacryst, Toxie, Punky, there's probably more but effort.

140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I am unsure.

141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Yes. More than one therapist.

142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Yes.

143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving.

144: What makes you angry? Lots of little things. Dumb things. Mostly the way medical/doctors are here... Our president... a lot of things really.

145: How many languages do you speak fluently? I can barely manage English, you want me to learn more?!

146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? I kinda answered this earlier.

147: Are you androgynous? No.

148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: My eye color.

149: Favorite thing about your personality: I'm more willing to let people go if they make my life worse. I used to be terrible at that.

150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. My Mom, Scooter, Matt Mercer.. (shh)

151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? ANY ERA WITH KNIGHTS AND KINGDOMS AND WEEEEEEE............ (I like a lot of oldie based shows.)

152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Eh.

153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] MapleStory. Not even remotely kidding.

154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes. I'm a very touchy person if I trust the person. I prefer hugs on most though. Forehead is pretty sentimental to me.

155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? Sometimes, yeah.

156: What embarrasses you? My teeth, my weight, a lot of things.

157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: People. Crowds. Planes. Heights. New Doctors.

158: Biggest lie you have ever told: If it's the biggest lie I've ever told, do you think I'm going to out myself on social media?

159: How many people are you following? Fuck if I know... I'm too lazy to check.

160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? See #159

163: Last time you cried and why: It's been over a lot of things. My health, my families health, my cat, hurting myself, etc.

164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium?

165: Longest your hair has ever been: Just below my shoulders.

166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religion? Neutral mostly, because you can't prove or disprove a god exists. Just because you haven't seen something does that mean it's not there? Also, just because you believe in something, does it mean that it exists really? I'm agnostic. Though Wicca seems like a more reasonable religion in most aspects (I've dabbled in research, I hope that doesn't offend anyone.)

167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Not really. I just care if it's gonna blow up before I die.

168: Do you like to wear makeup? Like? Not usually, it just helps me feel a little better sometimes.

169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? Nope.

170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? As much as I could.

[tumblunni]

MORE UPDATES ON THINGS WHAT HAPPEN

The half week milestone of the hospital house thingie time! I think the term they use for it is "a residential stay"? Cos like its not a hospital its a shared housing block thats just full of doctors. I get to sleep in a real bed and there's a nice community room and board game nights and stuff. But its still really scary how intense the supervision can be! Like they have a window to look into your room once per hour every hour constantly. And they have to go through your undies and catalog them as part of the possessions check. I was not warned about that and it was mega embarassing trying to explain a binder to a bunch of old lady doctors! Oh and i had yo do a urine test today which was possibly the most fuckin embarassing thing in the actual universe. And you're not even allowed to take your own pills! They keep them locked in a big ominous wall of lockers and you have to come into the office and swallow the pill while theyre watching. I guess maybe because some people might be faking their illness and selling their pills on the black market or whatever? But that literally doesnt happen with antidepressants, they have no 'high' or even any effect at all on non-sick people. So it just makes no sense to me and its real embarassing cos like i said i suck at taking pills with plain water and without a straw. The ones i take are real damn chunky things the size of my thumbnail! I think i'l get better at not (literally) choking under pressure over time, tho. Hopefully.

Anyway that's all the bad out of the way! Now the good and the neutral and the just miscellaneous!

Its still nervewracking having to shower in a shared house but they have a cool walk-in shower and ive never tried one of those so it was vaguely interesting. And im allowed to take my showers early at 6am to minimize the chance of anyone else trying to use the door, lol. My biggest fear is having some staff member walk in on me when im naked like back in that homeless hostel. Oh or that time in the homeless hostel where the teenage boys filled the entire bathroom with inflated condoms wall to wall. Like wow so much damn effort to prank the stupid nervous bunni who probably would have been embarassed by literally anything else. Man this place is bringing so many memories of that homeless hostel but at least this time its a place specifically for sick people and they know i'm anxious doing shared cooking and board games and whatever so they dont make fun of me for it. But in a lot of ways that hostel had more freedoms too.. *shrug*

Anyway! A good! I get to have cooking lesson!! I know literally nothing about cooking and now i get to know several thing!! This nice doctor called Josie taught me how to make an omelette and i tasted ham for the first time! That is just how limited my life experiences are, lol. Oh and they want me to say that she's a 'mental health worker' not a doctor, but its all real confusing?? Like they have the staff that look after you and then the only ones we're supposed to call doctors are the ones who actually have the authority to prescribe pills and diagnosies. But like if youre in a hospital you'd call them all doctors, not just the actual surgeon? Or i guess theyre kinda like nursing home staff?? But they cant be support workers cos support workers are specific government assigned inspector type guys like Richard who only meet with you once a week.and i have to remember to not call him a social worker either cos social workers only work with family and custody related stuff. I dunno?? Basically the medical industry has a lot of names that dont really describe what the actual thing is, lol. Anyway the ham omelette was great and now im gonna try and remember so i can try and make it myself next time! HAM ACCOMPLISHED

Also i played bingo with a few other patients and it was fun but funny that i lost 6 times in a row when there were only 3 of us. I got a consolation prize of a pack of neon highlighter pens so hell yeah!!

I'm getting booked in to try some additional classes starting next week on monday and tuesday morning. The computer programming one was sadly unavailable, but i managed tp snag a place in "confidence building group therapy" and "basic how to use power tools". I wasnt really all that interested in that one but i thought it would be a useful skill even if its less fun. And maybe you get to actyally make something to take home at the end? A lil shelf to help organize this awkward lil room better, maybe?

And an unexpected bonus of being semi-hospitalized is that i get a free bus pass! And cos im here cos of my social anxiety theyre gonna help me get outside more and actually use this thing to the fullest! The first thing we did was the trip to actually get the bus pass itself. It was like "bus, take my money to take me to the place where i can never give you money again!" XD Ive been really stupidly nervous about going on tne bus in my old neighbourhood cos MAN it was really isolated there and everything just amplified my mental illness. An almost two hour bus ride to get to ANY SHOPS AT ALL, with only one bus for the whole town so it was always crowded and full of screaming kids and gossipy everyones. Social anxiety: maximum level proud mode!

So yeah i feel BIG ACCONPLISHED! I was able to take this bus for the first time with a doctor coming with me. Power Grandpa The Strong. His actual name is Paul and he has awesome sleeve tattoos of like anchors and dragons and sports teams and stuff! And he likes thrift stores and wearing silly hats too! Its like he's powerful enough to wrestle away everyone's anxieties! I was able to be a bit reckless too and i went out wearing my fave shirt thats like trans pride coloured plaid. A POWERFUL SHIRT IS REQUIRED FOR THIS QUEST! so we went to the office to register this bus pass and i panicked a bit cos apparantky we brought the wrong form and i wrote my name in the wrong box and then my passport photo looked terrible and aaa! But it all worked out and i was kinda freaking out for nothing. And he took me for a lil tour of the place and showed me this cool shop that does spray paint tye dye t shirts with spiderman on them?? Why does this incredibly specific shop exist and how have i never heard of it before?? There was also a new harry potter shop next to the disney shop, and the old used book store i used to visit as a kid was still there, complete with rickety spiral staircase and ominous basement trap door. I'm still not brave enough to go down there, but apparantly its just the history books section so meh. Then we actually went to a fancy coffee shop and i had this brain freeze mango ice frappucchino thing! Im trying all the new foods!!

And i was TOO HIGH ON DECADENCE and made a RECKLESS CHOICE! i blame power gramp's amazing tattoos, they were totally whispering to me that i shoukd screw the rules and ride off into the sunset on a metaphorical harley davidsen of mental health

So i was like Hey Paul I Am Totally Fine Getting Home On My Own, and it was like i was floating off in the distance somewhere begging my body to not speaketh these words. But it ended up working out okay! The excitement of it all and the sense of accomplishmebt from getting there all okay allowed me to mostly not freak out as i spent the day in town and looked at some shops and stuff. Basic Living Skills: Completed! I chilled out in the library (tho i dont have a card yet, alas!) and visited like five comic and anime stores, and got lost but found a Pizza Hut and that was SO NOSTALGIC FOR MY CHILDHOOD and it didnt taste quite as good as i remembered but the waiter guy was super nice and had a similar shirt and it was All Good! Oh and i gave all my money to a homeless person and that's why i'm broke now. And i bought a plastic slug! I just saw it from across the room and was like OH NO I AM BEING MAGNETISED TOWARDS IT OH NO IT HAS ALREADY BEEN BOUGHT. I need to think of a name for this new friend!!

So yeh i got home okay and i felt really acconplished and that was the furthest trip away that i've taken in ages! Man my mental illness makes me feel pathetic, but it also brings ridiculously big joys from the smallest of silly acconplishys!

Oh and thank you so much to the people who sent me emails! It really helped so much to keep me from giving up during the first few days before i made a bit of progress and felt like i could really do this, yknow? Especially big thanks tp the friend who sent me that mysterious super happy song that they found on a mystery disc in a german market?? Im still not sure whether its in greek or hasidic jewish but it sounds AMAZING and i hope someday i can figure out the band so i can hear their other singles!

Ok this is bunni out! BIG HUGS FOR THE EVERYONE AAAA

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #472

“we don’t deal with outsiders very well  /  they say newcomers have a certain smell”

Does your favorite uncle have any children? Yeah; he has one son and a daughter. If you want children, what are some of your reasons for wanting them? I don't. I'm selfish with my alone time, and I want to live for me. I don't want to essentially hand over my life for someone else, give my all for them, and then I wind up not being enough. I don't want the financial burden. I don't want to be responsible for another human being. There are so, so many reasons I don't want kids. Does a career in finance sound interesting to you? Noooot at all. When you cook a dish that has beans in it, do you prefer to use canned or dry beans? I don't cook, but you also wouldn't catch me dead cooking beans. After finishing a bowl of cereal, do you drink the leftover milk? No. What’s something that’s been bothering you lately? I've been pushing it to the back of my mind to avoid panicking, so I probably shouldn't even talk about it, but I worry quite a bit that Girt will eventually leave me because of me not being "adult" enough, like having a job, a car, knowing how to do basic adult stuff... you know. I don't feel like he will, given just how devoutly he's been by my side since HS, and especially now that we're together, I'm working harder towards those goals, but still. I worry it'll happen. Do you use dry shampoo between washes? No. What’s the most severe allergic reaction you’ve ever had to something? I've never had a severe one. What was the last show you binge-watched? Psych with Girt. I quite liked it. Have you ever lived with someone you didn’t get along with? No. What’s something that bothers you more and more as you get older? Political issues. Do you have a fitness tracker? No. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Girt. What is your favourite sauce to eat with spaghetti? Just your normal tomato sauce. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? ... In my bed. :x Do you think your ex ever loved you? Yes. Have you ever had a filling? For my teeth? Yes. Should tattoos be meaningful? Get a tattoo for whatever reason you please. It doesn't necessarily have to be meaningful, no. Do you think wisteria trees look cool? Get a wisteria tree. Do you like to eat strawberries? Get a strawberry. There doesn't need to be a big story. Do certain times of the year remind you of certain people? Yes. January is like... all about Jason in my head because within that month is his birthday and our former anniversary. Are there any negative points to being in a relationship? Uh, there's probably something. What the most recent good news you’ve heard? Just today actually I got a phone call about some genetic testing I had done to see if I carried the malfunctioning gene my mother has that makes her more prone to certain types of cancer. My sisters and I all got tested, and all three of us are good! Our pancreatic, breast, and ovarian cancer risks are the same as your average person walking down the street. Would you hug your bf/gf’s best friend? I don't know his best friend. I don't think I would upon just meeting him, though. Who was the last person in your family to have a baby? My older sister. Would your parents be okay with you dating someone of another race? Mom wouldn't care less, while I don't really know about my dad. Not that it would matter what he thought. Do you like when friends stop by unexpectedly? NO NO NO NO NEVER DO THIS. I have to be mentally prepared for company. How strong are your feelings for the last person you kissed? I really, really love him. It's funny how wildly my emotions flipped from platonic to romantic with him just by giving it some deep thought. How close are you to the last person you hung out with? Can you be your complete self around them? We're very close, and yes. I'm still extremely shy for him to know some things, but ultimately, I'd tell him a whole lot. Is music a daily part of your life? Usually, anyway. Did you go to your high school’s graduation? Yes. Did you do anything sexual last night? Naw. Do you think the last person you Facebook messaged is a virgin? Doubt it, he's been in at least one serious relationship before. Ever want a monkey as a pet? I would absolutely fucking never, even if it was moral and possible to give them all they need as a pet. I've never been that into monkeys, anyway. What’s the scariest bug you’ve ever seen? I've seen a massive stag beetle at least once and it was such a fuck no. Do you think it’s alright if people baby talk to babies? Yes...? They're unfamiliar with the world and need gentleness to establish trust and a positive bond in general. There is nothing wrong with treating babies like, well, babies. Ever take a nap in a hammock? I don't believe I've ever fallen asleep in one, but I definitely used to just chill out and close my eyes on the one we used to have at my old place, under the shade of the trees. Who’s the best character in Rugrats? I don't have an opinion on this, surprisingly. I adored that show as a kid and had two video games for it. Pop-Tarts or Toaster Struddels? The latter. But both are tasty. Ever want to make out with someone, anyone, didn’t matter who? Er, no. I have to love you. Smack someone on the ass lately? This question is worded so uncomfortably lmao but no. Someone smack your ass lately? Still an uncomfortable question but no. Do you like puppies more than adult dogs? They're cute, but no. Adult dogs are generally calmer and actually know where to use the bathroom. If you go grey as you age, would you dye your hair or let it be? I plan on dyeing my hair for a loooong time if it's something extra I can afford. Is there a historical figure you find interesting? If so, who? The first person who came to mind was Pharaoh Hatshepsut. Girl power, man. Was there a family secret you weren’t told about until you were an adult? I guess maybe my dad having done serious drugs for a while. I don't know if anyone would've told me that as a kid. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else’s property? I've never vandalized, period. What do you usually order from Olive Garden? SPICY SHRIMP FRITAAAAAAAAASSSSSSS <3 What is in the back seat of your car right now? I have no idea what's in the back of Mom's car, actually. I don't pay attention. What was the last thing you threw up? I'd assume whatever I had for dinner with the medication that made me vomit. What color is your mom’s hair? Since chemo, it was growing back completely gray, so now she dyes it black. If you were to join one of the armed forces, which would it be? Yeah, no. Not even entertaining this. I'd rather die. If you swapped genders for a day, how would you spend it? Ha, it's weird, the first thing that came to mind was "how would I look in makeup?" because men in makeup can look like fuckin babes so I guess that's what I'm doing lmaooo. Have you ever been to see stand-up comedy? No, but I would. I think it sounds fun. Have you ever been in a submarine? No, but that'd be cool. Do you believe there used to be dragons? No. I wish. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane? Ohio. Have you ever appeared on YouTube? lkajsd;lkfjae yes Have you ever planted a tree? An apple tree, yes. Which celebrity do you find the most annoying? I don't care. Does your best girlfriend have any talents that you don’t? She can animate pretty darn well! Have you ever written a song? Guys when I was a little kid I wrote a song to the Nintendogs theme fucking kill me Does anybody send you money in the mail for your birthday? My grampa on Dad's side used to, but he's deceased now. He would do that for me and my sisters, and I always thought it was so wild, because it was like, a lot, and this man barely knew us at all because of how far away my dad's family is. Do you have any scratches on your cell phone? No. Do you know anybody who has a birthday in November? I mean I'm sure I do, but no one off the top of my head that I know well, anyway. What monster would you be most afraid to have in your closet? Ghostface bc I've been afraid of him since I was a kid, and I HATE knives. Which Adam Sandler movie do you like the most? I don't know if I have a favorite. He's also just in so many movies though that I could never think of all of them. Have you ever been abused by a police officer? Yikes, no. Do you know anyone who is very ignorant? Boy, do I. I know plenty. When was the last time someone said something mean and offensive to you? I don't know, and I'd rather not try to remember. Would you ever film a vlog of yourself giving birth? ?????????????????????????? NO????????????????????????? WHY WOULD I WANT THAT????????????????????????????????? Do you think your hair looks best straight, wavy, or curly? Straight. Name 3 YouTubers you would like to meet in person: Markiplier obvs, Rhett & Link are a pair channel, so I count them as one unit, and uhhh just one more... Snake Discovery/Emily & Ed. I could hang with them, man. What makes you more creative? Music. Have you ever slow danced with anyone? Yeah, one person. Who’s the last person to send you a message on Facebook? My sister Misty. She's making me this really cool Halloween-y wreath to keep on my door year-round. She's really good with crafts and is making some beautiful ones. What’s the last magical thing you experienced? I'd rather keep it private, but the general gist is just realizing how much I love someone again. Were you raised religious? Yes. Didn't stick. Never felt "right" or "at home" in any religion. If you had a lot of money, do you think you would use it wisely? I hope I would. I feel like growing up poor, it could go either way. I do THINK I'd use it pretty wisely, at least. Maybe go a bit too hard into things I seriously love (like tattoos), but then be really stingy in other areas. Do you like the same colors now that you did as a kid? In general, yes. My favorites are still all shades and tints of red. Got any nicknames that you rarely even use? Not nicknames I use nowadays, no. Nevermind what gender you ARE, what gender do you WANT to be? I’m fine being female. Do you ever feel ashamed revealing your age? Absolutely, because of how little I've accomplished. Based on your running speed, what animal would you be? Like, a tortoise probs. :^) Can you read in public? Only if it's quiet. Pokemon, Digimon, GI JOE, Barbies, or other? Pokemon, duh. What’s something that makes you really stressed out? Not having a job, to name one thing. Are you any good at science? I've always been really good at (most) science, actually. Like language arts, it's just something that naturally "clicks" for me. Do you go on any forums on the net? Just KM right now. Got any secrets you honestly can’t say to anyone? It's not that I can't, like I don't have any deep, dark secrets that would rock someone's world if they knew, there are just things I'm never sharing. Believe in voodoo? Nah. What’s something you’ve tried really hard at? To be a decently successful photographer, but let's not get me started on that travesty. :^)

[souridealist]

Slightly belated Yuletide roundup!

WHAT I WROTE:

I had five works in the collection this year, which is a personal best by far: Imperial Radch, the video game Black Closet, "Brandy (You're a Fine Girl)", and two for Ursula Vernon's Digger.

Imperial Radch: A Good Friend to Have: Uran and Athoek Station, G, 800 words, no archive warnings apply. A post-canon flashfic about evolving terms of address.

“Why do you still call us Radchaii?” Uran asked, leaning back against the wall. He ran his gloves against the welded seam of the wall next to him, like he was stroking a companion animal or a very close friend. Station couldn’t feel the gesture, either through the wall or through Uran’s hands, but it could see. “It’s been months.”

Brandy: All the Great Wide Sea: Brandy-centric, featuring Brandy/her unnamed lover. G, 600 words, no archive warnings. A short fic about Brandy considering new options.

It wasn’t only men who piled into the bar with a purse full of silver and a head full of tales, either. You got the occasional woman coming along, as tattoo-mottled and shaggy-haired as the men, in ragged trousers and oft-patched shirts. One quiet night Brandy wound up pouring sweet red wine for a woman with three brass rings punched through one ear and the five-thousand-mile swallow tattooed on the back of her hand.

Black Closet: Raise Bid to 31 Pieces of Silver: Rowan/Elsa, T, 1.5K, no archive warnings. A traitorous Rowan turns in an intentionally failed assignment and begins to suspect that Elsa knows her secret.

“You know,” Elsa said. “Mallory’s a good girl, and she can blend in with a crowd all right, but I’ve never had trouble noticing when she comes into a room. She draws the eye.” Mallory was pretty enough, Rowan thought. Bright hair. “But you…” Elsa said, pushing back her chair. “You’re so quiet, when you want to be. It’s a gift.”

Digger: Comparative Theology: Murai, Jhalm, Digger, and Shadowchild. G, 3k, no archive warnings. Four scenes exploring each character's relationship with the divine.

. Later in life, Jhalm revisited the temple and learned of the great wars of attrition that Teshia’s priests fought over the herb beds: the Invasive Plant Debates, the Three Or Possibly Four Basil Varietals, and the Mint Idiot, who planted mint in the ground to run riot over the temple. But as a child he’d always found the gardens peaceful, and he’d loved taking home the sacred packages each worshiper was given, leaves from Teshia’s garden dried over the sacred Hearthflame. He used to press the twists of burlap to his nose and inhale something both delicious and sacred. Once one of the priests caught him at it: Cassandra of the straight gray braids and straight-pressed robes. Jhalm jumped, squeaking, and shoved the herbs into his bag.

Digger: Anything That Talks: Murai and Jhalm, G, 2k, no archive warnings.Jhalm's patrol of the Veiled meets another, more ordinary demon, and Murai and Jhalm have a conversation about authority, the past, and how to be good.

“I eat what I will,” it said, slithering forward. Murai could just see the roots of the trees in its coils. She doubted the little stand of elms would last for very long after this. “I eat the shadows of great and small, of weak and of mighty. Yours, impertinent creature – ah, yours is fascinating, strange and dark and deep. So hard-edged, in such a bright light. You will be…” It moved forward, again – between the flanking arms of the Veiled. “Delicious.”

“I see,” Murai said, stepping easily back. “Captain Jhalm, I believe we should kill this creature, if you will give the order.”

WHAT I RECEIVED:

The Touching of Lips by Prinzenhasserin. Queen's Thief, "Five times Costis wanted to kiss Kamet and one time he did." This is a delightful story about five people making Costis think about how much he wants to kiss Kamet; each scene is a beautifully drawn, distinct sketch, and the payoff is delightful. I wanted Costis/Kamet so badly after Thick as Thieves, and this was lovely to receive.

Antelope Dreams by ambyr. Summer in Orcus, "When she was eleven, Summer thought she was very nearly an adult. At seventeen, she's starting to understand how much she has to learn." This is a glorious postcanon fic about growing up, and living with the legacy of Orcus, and being a well-behaved Good Kid (tm) with a crush on a Bad Kid (tm), and Summer remembering the antelope woman and realizing she's a queer furry. It's perfectly in-tone and beautiful.

AUTHORIAL CHATTERING ON WHAT I WROTE:

Yes, I shall continue to do this. Yes, with all five of them. But under a cut!

A Good Friend to Have: This one was a really interesting experience, because I originally wrote it using she/her pronouns for Uran, since canon does. It wasn't unti coming back to it later that I remembered that Uran is briefly identified as male in Delsig, and that if I was leaving the 'Citizen' honorific as Radchaai, I was 'translating' out of Delsig. And thus shoud use he/him pronouns. I really love the series's use of 'she' as a neutral pronoun, and everything that choice creates, and I was pretty hesitant to step away from it -- but it's also a very central conceit of the story that Uran isn't hearing Radchaai the way a native speaker would hear it. Which means Uran needs to use he/him. Going through and changing that was the most annoyingly fiddly editing task I have ever fucking undertaken, but also... really damn interesting to do! The pronouns were all I changed, and it still shifted my mental image of Uran's body language and physical presence a lot.

This was also published with what was originally its working title, which I don't think I've ever done before; occasionally the right title has come to me by the time I have to save the word document (almost always when the fic is written in one sitting), but this wasn't meant to be final and then I realized I liked it better than anything I could come up with. It's a direct quote from canon: Breq's comment when Uran mentions talking to Station in the second book.

All the Great Wide Sea: The prose is so purple here. I had so much fun writing it. It's a short, open-ended fic written all in a hurry because I thought the collection closed a day sooner than it did, and I basically just threw women sailors, running off to sea to join your man, and Age of Sail tavern imagery together with gleeful abandon. The 'being metamours with the ocean' theme isn't explored as thoroughly as I'd like, but... I couldn't resist adding the tag because I amuse myself too much. I'd never written fic for a song fandom before, even though the existence of it is one of my favorite things about Yuletide before; I'm glad I finally did.

Raise Bid to 31 Pieces of Silver: This title is... a thing. I refused to let mysef name it 'Silver and Hemp,' because this is not a religious fic and for fuck's sake come up with a better reference for a fic about treachery, but, well. I could not, in fact, come up with a better reference. But I did manage to at least include the idea of being tempted out of treachery, and I like the implicit cynicism of the bid thing. Because, you know: Machiavellian secret-police teenagers.

This was a great prompt, and I made a beeline straight for a traitor!Rowan/Elsa worldstate, because that is my favorite route hands down. This is also the first time in I don't know how long that I've used jealousy as a shippy plot device! I don't usually like it, and I don't find it cute in any way; but this isn't meant to be a cute fic, and part of what I love about this fandom is that it's an all-female cast where everyone gets to have a lot of rough edges.

Oh, and I also got to play around with incorporating game mechanics into the story! I fucking love trying to de-abstract game mechanics in a way that doesn't contradict what you actually see. As if you couldn't tell from me regularly sneaking that shit into Dragon Age fic.

Comparative Theology: This was actually my second attempt at my main assignment! I wanted to do a post-canon adventure that involved everyone meeting up while Digger tried to get home, and then everyone having to share anecdotes from their past (since my recipient mentioned liking fic about 'how people get to where they are'), but I just. Could not make it work. I'd had the idea of writing a set of thematically-linked vignettes in the back of my head as a backup, and the idea of linking them specifically by theology clicked just as the deadline started to really intensely loom. And thus! It's a pretty baggage-heavy theme to use, and I did worry about that -- especially in a gift fic -- but, well. The tagline is "A wombat. A dead god. A very peculiar epic." I figured I was probably safe. And one of my favorite things about the comic is what it does with the relationship between the human (or... worshiper of various species) and the divine.

I drew on a bunch of Ursula Vernon's print work as well as the actual comic (though I still got a lot of my own particular High Drama all over the prose, trying to capture the tone of things like the Saltlace sequence in words. The line about the Mint Idiot is in there entirely because I was like 'this voice is drifting way too far back towards just me. QUICK, ADD SOME PLANTS.' The Baba Yaga line is a direct reference to Summer in Orcus too.

I may eventually try and salvage what I had of my original attempt. I hewed closer to canon tones, I think, and I had some good fucking Jabberworck dialogue.

Anything That Talks: This one is secretly my baby. I was surprised to find myself really interested in Jhalm on later read-throughs, because I wasn't the first time; but it turned out I wanted to poke at him. And I really wanted to poke at Murai's decision to be his leash, and at what that might look like, and how she would choose to do it. Twisty power dymanics! The power actually lying with the person with less outward authority! Using one's own weakness as a source of strength! Very rigid people needing to bend or die, and what that costs! MY SHIT. (And I didn't actually realize that last was, in fact, something I keep revisiting until this moment, but hm. This sure is the third fic on that theme I've posted since November.)

Something I absolutely did not do intentionally during this fic and then noticed in the editing: I don't reference color anywhere in this fic other than 'cold white-glowing eyes.' Perils of writing for a black-and-white comic! (I didn't do that in either 'Comparative Theology' or my false start; fic isn't canon, text isn't a comic, and you've got to use the medium you're working with. But I left it alone for this one; I liked it.)

[gaiyofanfiction]

Unexpected Consequence 5

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11

Got7 x Reader

Gang!Au

Angst

A/N: Hey guys! This is one chapter of two I will be posting today due to it being my birthday! So stay tuned! ~Yosei

Disclaimer: This story is not in any way shape or form true. This is purely fiction. All the boys from Got7 are very sweet and charming guys that wouldn't hurt a fly. I love them all so much. So please, check them out! They are amazing people.

Also, two other people from another group are going to be introduced. I'm not going to say who they are right now but they are also two of the sweetest guys you'll ever know, I love them both so much (considering it's my bias and bias wrecker.)

Trigger Warning: There will be swearing, kidnapping, holding hostage, torture and mentions of killing and drugs. So if you are uncomfortable with any of this, please don't read!

Chapter 5:

        You stir in your sleep as you feel fingers stroking your hair. At first you didn’t think anything of it but then you remember you’re not at home. Your eyes fly open and you look to your side. You see BamBam petting your head with that creepy smile plastered on his face.

        Surprised by his presence you let out a shriek and back away on the bed. “What the hell are you doing?!” You felt completely disturbed.

        BamBam’s smirk grows and he tilts his head. “You’re just so cute while you sleep, Jagiya.”

        Before you could say anything else, the bedroom door flies open to revel a slightly flustered Jinyoung. You raise an eyebrow at him. He looks around confused until his eyes land on BamBam and then it clicks. Jinyoung sends BamBam an icy glare. “There better be a good reason why you’re here.”

        BamBam lets out an evil giggle and twirls a piece of your hair around his finger. You swat his hand away. “Her hair is just so soft and I loved watching her sleep.”

        Jinyoung rolls his eyes and grabs BamBam by the arm, pushing him towards the door. “It’s time for you to stop being a fucking creep and leave.” He pushes him out the door.

        BamBam quickly turned to send you a wink, making you shudder. “Till next time, Jagiya.”

        “Don’t call me that!” You yell, throwing a pillow at him as the door shuts.

        Jinyoung walked over to the desk across from the bed and sits in the chair backwards with his arms crossed over the top of the chair and his head lying on top. Silence falls over the room as he just stares at you with curiosity…like you were some spectacle to be looked at.

        You wait for him to say something but after 5 minutes of awkward silence, you couldn’t take it anymore. “Why do you keep staring at me?”

        Jinyoung tilts his head. “You intrigue me.”

        The uneasy feeling just keeps snowballing. “And why is that?”

        “You’re the first person to not break in front of me. I’m just surprised.”

        You scoffed at him. “So I’ve been told.” You actually roll your eyes

        Silence falls over the room once again. Considering the man who tortured you is sitting right across from you, you’re not really sure what to say. So, you just say the first thing that popped into mind.

        “Have you always been like this?” You look up at the stoic boy in front of you.

        Jinyoung instantly straightened his back and looked at you with narrowed eyes. “Why do you ask?”

        You shrug and draw your knees into your chest to hug them and bury your face between your arms so that only your eyes show. “I don’t know if it’s because you were raised differently or what, but it’s not every day you grow up and decide 'I’m going to hurt people for a living.'”

        He stays quiet, mulling over your question. You internally panic, thinking you said something to piss him off. “Ah, n-nevermind. I-It’s okay. You don’t have to say any-“

        “No. I haven’t always been like this.” He looks at you with an unreadable expression. You lift your head to stare back at him, but not expecting him to respond.

        Silence follows again. You nod your head, trying to encourage him to continue. “I’ll tell you my story if you tell me yours.”

        He looks off to the side and mumbles. “This isn’t something I just tell to some random girl.”

        Feeling a bit disgusted you quickly uttered, “Considering all the torture and the amount of staring you’ve done, I wouldn’t really consider myself ‘some random girl’”.

        “Hmph”. He mutters in realization that you’re kind of right.

        Jinyoung sighs and runs a hand through his hair. “Fine. It’s not a pretty story. No, I wasn’t always like this. I actually used to be a pretty good kid. I went to school, got good grades and was top of my class. The only thing that I hated was the kids at my school. I was the quiet, nerdy type, so I got bullied a lot. Because I was top of my class, everyone thought I was a kiss up. I ended up having to go to therapy for a while for depression and social anxiety. But I had such wonderful parents that were there for me through everything; I knew I was going to be okay.”

        You see him genuinely smile for the first time since you got here and smile with him. ‘He really does have a cute smile. Oh my god, Y/N what are you thinking?!’  But suddenly your thoughts cut off as you see his smile fade into a pained frown.

        “Things went downhill fast. It happened late one night. I was in my room working on homework when I suddenly heard a loud crash and then a scream. I quickly ran into the hall and…” He swallows the lump in his throat. “That’s when I heard the gunshots. Two of them. I ran down the stairs and saw both my parents lying on the floor in a pool of blood.”

        You notice his voice trembling as he explains what happened. You look at him with sad eyes, trying your best not to burst out crying. The situation became so sullen in an instant. 'Are we…having a moment?'

        “I looked up to see two boys, about five or six years older than me, with a gun at their feet. I don’t remember exactly what they looked like, but a very distinctive detail caught my eye. The younger looking one had a tattoo of a dragon wrapped around his left wrist. The only thing on my mind at that point was self-defense. I lunged for the gun just as the boys took off. By the time it was in my hands, they were gone.” Both of his hands clench tight. “I didn’t think it could get any worse but I was wrong. My neighbors must have heard the gunshots because suddenly the cops were at my door. The next thing I realize, I’m in handcuffs and thrown into the back of a police car.” He grinds his teeth and his whole body becomes tense. You can see the physical and mental anguish he’s gone through.

        Jinyoung looked straight into your eyes as tears stream down his face. “I was arrested for the murder of my own parents at the age of 15.” His entire body was shaking.

        Your hand flew to your mouth and your eyes widen in shock. “Oh my god.” You breathe out.

        Jinyoung tries to get his composure together and continues with his story. “I was put in Juvie for months until my trial. Turns out it was a robbery gone wrong. I was cleared of all charges and released. But by then the damage was done. Everyone heard about the shooting and branded me a monster. So, that’s what I became. JB found me and let me join his gang. They took me in when no one else would.”

        He slammed both his fists on the desk making you jump a little. “I swore from that day on, that I would find the man who did this to me. I told JB what happened and he eventually told me their names. They go by G-Dragon and T.O.P of Big Bang.”

        Your eyes widened in fear and your mouth agape. You’ve heard of G-Dragon and T.O.P. They are two guys you never want to get involved with. You slowly crawl over to the end of the bed and stand on your shaky legs, giving a very surprised Jinyoung a quick hug. “I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that.” You say quietly. You cradled his head as it lay perfectly on your chest. 'W-what is this feeling…'

        Jinyoung sits there frozen, not expecting a hug from you of all things. He pats your back awkwardly and then shoves you off him. You noticed the blush on his face as you’re pushed back, but you didn’t say anything. You stood there awkwardly with one arm across holding the opposite arm.

        “I-It’s fine.” He rubs the back of his neck. “Don’t get all sappy about it.”

        Before you could respond, you hear his phone go off. He opened up a text and read something. He looks up at you after putting his phone away.

        “Hey, are you hungry?”

[httydscenarios]

How You Met | Eret, Son Of Eret

You knew sailing through that area was a risk - you'd heard the stories and witnessed firsthand the wrath of the sea, and it was no secret that dragon trappers were beginning to call that stretch of water their home. But you didn't have a dragon, despite living on Berk for the past year. You didn't have the time, and were always afraid to get attached knowing that you'd wind up leaving the island sooner or later and other places might not be as welcoming towards you in your travels if you were arriving aboard a potentially dangerous beast. So you figured it would be safe, or at the very least easy to talk your way out of any issues.

And yet when you arrived on the dreaded expanse, there was nothing. Nothing, save for unnatural formations of ice jutting out of the water, and the all too familiar sound of the waves lapping up against them. You stayed your course, perhaps even warier then than you were at the start. You didn't plan on straying from it - too much risk involved in that - but something strange caught your eye. The formations were littered with the wooden remains of some sort of fort. Planks were strewn about beside splintered poles and hardly intact walkways. Common sense suggested you should run, but you'd never seen anything like this, and you weren't going to just leave without figuring out what was going on here. Maybe there were survivors. Maybe there would be a good story to come out of this.

You docked your boat at one of the sturdier looking posts, and made your way onto the  frozen mass. 

It was slippery beneath your feet, as all ice would be, and you navigated the terrain carefully. Your hands were always latched onto whatever remaining wooden structures you could find, and you would only step any place that looked sturdy, or at the very least like you wouldn't immediately go sliding down  into the frigid water below. Below, of course, being the last place you wanted to look. You were making steady progress climbing the formation, and with every movement you were getting further from your boat, or any semblance of solid ground. But your entire motto this entire journey had been "too late to turn back, now", so you simply kept climbing.

"What was that?" 

Your heart skipped a beat, footing becoming unsteady as a man's voice rang out through the air. Your throat went dry, and you wondered for a second if you should reply, or perhaps just wait it out and see if it happens again. 

"Is someone there?"

Yep, it happened again.

"Uh. Yeah." You replied, mentally scolding yourself for being so awkward about it. But you really didn't expect anyone to be up here. You were kinda hoping you'd find survivors and be hailed as a hero or something, however whoever this was sounded pretty territorial and something told you that you'd actually just wandered into an inhabited area entirely by mistake. 

There was the unmistakable sound of footsteps approaching, and within seconds a man stood before you. Tall, broad shoulders, with dark hair and an unfamiliar style of tattoo on his chin. "And who might you be?" 

"Me? I'm uh. I'm (Y/N). I was just  sailing through the area and noticed all the wreckage so  I decided to check it out."

He nodded, with an expression that gave you the distinct feeling that he was sizing you up, and didn't completely believe you. Which was notably less alarming than the group of other men gathering behind  him, weapons at the ready. "Right. Sailing through. Where about were you headed?"

"I..." Oh no. This is bad. This is very bad. The name of the small island you were headed towards had completely escaped you. In any other circumstance you'd remember, but face to face with a group of very angry strangers? Your mind decided to gloss over any information other than the overwhelming knowledge that you were likely in danger. "I honestly don't remember the name."

"Right. You really think I'm going to believe that?"

"I have a map. It's on my boat. I can show you. The name is just really long and hard to pronounce." That, at the very least, wasn't a complete lie. "And uh. I can bring you guys food? Or something? Because I'm guessing there's not much out here but fish."

There we re a few faint murmurs of approval from the group of men, causing the dark haired one you'd been talking to frown pensively before saying. "Fine, then. Go ahead and grab it."