#i remember all the lyrics which is the worst part

[br1ghtestlight]

trying to find a steven universe fan song that was posted to youtube in 2017 that may not even exist anymore i feel like im in the 10th circle of hell

[calif0rnia-lovers]

safe place.

an: ngl, I wanted to hug jude & bukayo through the screen when England lost😔

requested: I remember seeing that Jude said his mom helps him when he gets "too low with the lows or too high with the highs." Can you do a fic where his gf is that way?

pairing: jude bellingham x black!reader

series: lyrically inspired tales.

if my heart aches, you breathe with me at my pace.

song: safe place by ruthanne

warnings: this is most definitely not edited lol.

The stadium lights had dimmed, and the roar of the crowd had faded into a distant memory, replaced by a haunting silence. Jude Bellingham sat in the quiet of his hotel room, the weight of the Euro final's loss pressing heavily on his shoulders. Exhaustion seeped into his bones—physically, mentally, and emotionally he was tapped. The missed shot that could have changed everything replayed in his mind, a tormenting loop of what-ifs and if-onlys.

He felt utterly drained, each breath a reminder of the effort he had poured into the match. The worst part about losing was feeling like he was at his lowest, despite all the hard work and dedication he had poured in for his country. The memory of the silver medal being draped over his shoulder, the relentless flashes of cameras, and the disappointed faces of fans loomed over him like a dark cloud. He had tried to keep his head up, stopping to hug each of his teammates, whispering words of encouragement, but it still hurt like hell. He had forced a brave face, stifling the sting in his eyes, reassuring his family and friends that he was alright. Keeping up the front until he reached his room had been a monumental task, and now, alone in the dim light, the facade crumbled.

He stared blankly at the wall, the ache of disappointment settling deep within his chest. Hours seemed to drag by, each minute stretching into an eternity. His phone was on Do Not Disturb. Although he knew the messages were meant with the best intentions, Jude wasn’t ready to read the encouraging texts sent to him. He hadn't spoken to anyone since the bus doors closed, needing space to process the defeat alone. The team’s efforts, the dreams of a nation, all seemed to hang on that one moment when his shot had veered just slightly off course.

A knock at the door broke through his reverie. Jude ignored it at first, unwilling to face anyone. If he didn’t call out, whoever it was would go away. But then it came again. 

A single knock, followed by three softer knocks, a distinct rhythm that was all too familiar. It was a special knock. Your special knock, a signal that meant more than words ever could. It prompted him to rise from the bed and cross the room.

Your interaction at the stadium was still a blur. A rushed kiss against his lips, nose, and forehead, a whispered “I love you so much,” was all he could receive before he was moving through the line of friends and family. In the few short hours that had passed, you had showered and changed.

When he opened the door, Jude found you standing there with your travel backpack pressed against your chest.

Jude paused to take you in, grounding himself by focusing on your familiar features. It was a routine he had built over the last six months of your relationship, a way to find solace in the midst of chaos. His eyes passed over your smooth, deep brown skin, which seemed to glow softly in the dim light. He traced the contours of your face, from your cheekbones to your lips that carried a gentle, reassuring smile. The sight of it relaxed the furrow of his brow.

Your eyes, warm and filled with understanding, were his favorite feature. They held a depth of emotion and wisdom that made him feel seen and understood. Your lashes framed them perfectly, long and curled, adding to the natural beauty that always took his breath away. His gaze traveled up to the soft curls, pineappled at the top of your head, his hand instinctively reaching forward.

As he studied you, taking in every detail—his touch tracing the curve of your jaw before settling against your cheek—he felt a sense of peace wash over him.

"Hi," you greeted softly, your voice a balm to his battered spirit.

Jude managed a weak smile, the corners of his lips lifting. "Hey," he replied, his voice rough.

You stepped inside, Jude’s hand instinctively settling on your hips as the door closed.

The scent of lavender and chamomile wafted from the bag you carried, filling the room with a calming aroma. It was a scent that lingered on the sheets of each hotel room Jude stayed in, his bedroom at home, and even in his shirts and jerseys. He associated it with you, and only you—a fragrance that instantly brought relaxation and comfort. Whenever you couldn't make it to his games, Jude would find the aromatherapy tucked away in his bag, a thoughtful gesture that made him feel close to you even when apart.

“My flight leaves at 9:30 tomorrow,” you began as you unzipped the bag. Gathering what you needed, you started towards the bathroom. “So, I’ll probably leave here at 7. I’m sure traffic is going to be insane.”

Jude listened to your voice, the calm cadence soothing his frayed nerves. You didn’t expect a response; you knew him well enough to understand that after a loss, he needed time to recover. So, you verbally went through your travel plans. The turnaround was quick, but you needed to report to work. While slightly annoying, the plan was simple: report home, get back to work, and into your routine. Jude would soon follow.

As you focused on starting the bath, Jude began to look through the items you bought. His hand paused on something small and familiar, tucked beneath his favorite snacks—a stuffed lion. He picked it up, a wave of bittersweet memories washing over him. The lion had a soft, golden mane and big, friendly eyes. Stitched into the pad of its right paw was a heart. Jude remembered the day he won it for you at the Ice Palace, the way your face had lit up with joy, your smile so wide and genuine it had made his heart swell.

"My lion," you’d giggled, hugging the plush toy tightly before wrapping your arms around his neck, your laughter ringing in his ears. “I can keep him with me when you’re away.”

You paused in the bathroom doorway, watching him hold the stuffed lion. "That always makes me feel better when we're apart," you said softly, a smile finding your lips as the shared memory hung between the two of you.

You began to take out and explain the things you had brought to cheer him up—a selection of his favorite snacks, your iPad full of movies, and some comforting toiletries. "I brought these because I thought they might help you relax. And I know how much you love Shawshank Redemption. So...being the gracious, loving girlfriend I am, I will sit through it for the hundredth time. But, only if you promise to share your sour st-"

You were mid-sentence when he moved towards you, wrapping his arms around your middle from behind. For a moment, you stayed that way, the warmth of his embrace speaking louder than words. Jude buried his face in your shoulder, his breath hitching as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to escape.

You could feel the tremors in his body, his grip tightening as if you were his anchor in the storm of his emotions.

"It's okay," you whispered, turning to face him, the warmth of your palms against his cheeks lifting his eyes to yours. "You gave it everything you had, and that's all anyone can ask for. I'm so proud of you, Jude. You’ve come so far, and this is just a moment in your journey. It's okay to feel hurt and disappointed, but remember that you are stronger than this. Everything happens exactly when it's meant to."

Finally, the dam broke, and Jude rested against you, the tears he’d managed to keep at bay all night came pouring out. He remained pressed against you until the stress of the past few months drained his eyes dry. He allowed you to lead him to the bathroom, welcoming the warm, fragrant steam filled the room, creating a cocoon of comfort. 

He allowed you to help him undress, your movements tender and deliberate, as if you were peeling away not just his clothes but also the layers of his hurt.

"Let's get you in," you murmured softly, as his lips brushed against yours, guiding him into the tub. Jude eased himself into the warm water, letting out a deep sigh as the heat began to soothe his aching muscles and weary mind.

You stepped back to gather the other things you had brought, but Jude's hand gently traced soothing circles into your thigh as you stood by the tub. The simple touch spoke volumes, a silent plea for your presence, for you to stay close.

Jude leaned his head back, closing his eyes as he let the warmth of the bath wash over him. The exhaustion and frustration that had gripped him began to loosen, replaced by a growing sense of peace. He listened as you moved around the room, lighting a few candles and setting out the items you had brought—a fluffy towel, his favorite shampoo, and a soft robe for when he got out. 

You joined Jude in the tub, settling behind him. He welcomed the loofah against his skin, the gentle, rhythmic motion of your hands soothing his frayed nerves. You massaged his shoulders, careful with the one that had been previously injured, as he rested back against you. His hand found its place on his leg, grounding him as he watched the movie playing on the tablet propped nearby.

Your touch worked magic, and you could feel his body gradually relaxing. The tension that had coiled within him slowly unwound, and he seemed to be coming back to himself. The voice in his head, the one that echoed with doubt and personal criticism, grew quieter with each passing moment. Each gentle kiss you pressed against his skin, each laugh you shared from the film, chipped away at the walls of his frustration.

By the time most of the bubbles had dissipated, Jude was completely relaxed. His gratefulness showed in the way he gently squeezed your thigh and the soft kisses he brushed against your knuckles. The warmth of the water, combined with your presence, created a cocoon of comfort and safety. 

He tilted his head back slightly, letting it rest against your shoulder, eyes half-closed in contentment. "I don't know what I'd do without you," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper.

You smiled, fingers tracing small circles on his chest. "You don’t have to," you replied softly. "I’m here, always."

Jude sighed, a deep, contented breath that seemed to release the last of his lingering tension. He turned his head slightly to kiss your forehead, a silent thank you for being his anchor in the storm. The doubts that had plagued him earlier were now a distant memory.

The kiss he left against your lips was soft, almost sloppy. The physical and mental strain he's been under from Real Madrid and the Euros suddenly registering. His body begging for sleep.

"Let's get you outta here," you giggled. "I don't think I can carry you to bed if you fall asleep."

You press against the corner of his mouth, the action stopping the closing of his heavy eyelids. "Come on, Jude."

"Mmm...hold up..." Jude mumbled, eyes drifting shut as your lips brushed against his. Brow arching, his smirk prompting your eyes to roll. "...I'm not even tired."

"Uh-huh," stifling your giggle, you watch as Jude nods. His heavy eyes blinking before dropping down to your smile.

"'m not," he mumbled, his kiss missing your lips and settling on your chin.

A series of soft and light kiss lingered against your jaw, drifting to your shoulder. As much as he tried to fight off the comfortable sleeping tugging at him, Jude couldn't resist. By the time he reached your lips, a tired and goofy smile stretched across Jude's lips.

"Alright," he relented. "Let's go, but we gonna finish this in the morning."

"I'm sure we will," you smiled.

You place a final kiss against his lips. The brushing of your nose against his pulling out the smile that left you the victim of constant butterflies and euphoria. Before Jude knew it, the words slipped out.

"I love you," he murmured, the words hanging in the air between you like a delicate promise. "Thanks for this."

The words halted your movement of slipping from beneath him, your eyes widening slightly in surprise. It was the first time he had said it aloud. You had never pressured him for those words, knowing that he showed his love in countless other ways. Just as you did for him.

"I love you too, Jude," you replied as his lips found your forehead.

Letting his lips pass over your nose, Jude pushed himself.

[ohnoitstbskyen]

100 songs to get to know me

I posted this image over on the bluesky, and it got like 100 likes, so now here we are. I was going to write them all up here, but Tumblr imposes a 10 video limit on embeds per post which I find infuriating.

So! You can read the first ten entries here, but you can read the entire list here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

1. ABBA - Lay All Your Love On Me

I genuinely don't quite know if my enjoyment of ABBA is something I came by honestly, or something which is simply genetically engineered into my Scandinavian soul. I remember hearing my mom blasting their songs on the home stereo in my childhood, and the association has put permanent nostalgia blinders on me for all of ABBA's greatest hits. Still, I think the beat is undeniable and the mournful tone of the chorus adds some real melancholy to the dramatic plea at the core of the song.

2. Afenginn - Oestrogenmanipuleret Basilisk

Afenginn describe themselves as "bastard etno-punk" which is probably as good a description as you're going to get. There's a lot of klezmer and eastern European folk influences here, but what is more important about Afenginn's best songs is that they go hard as f*ck and it's an absolute blast to dance to them at a show. They played this the first time I saw them live, and the rhythm comes back every time I hear it again. Good times!

3. Afenginn - Ralli in D Minor

With 100 slots to fill, I am giving myself permission to allocate two slots to Afenginn, and for the same reason. Ralli in D Minor is less of a dance tune to me, and more of a headbanger, but with a sufficiently loud subwoofer and a game crowd, you could f*ing mosh to this.

4. Anamanaguchi - Prom Night

I discovered Anamanaguchi as the composers of the title track to the Nerdist podcast back in the day, and being unfamiliar with the concept of chiptunes, I was drawn in initially by the sheer novelty of hearing the squeaks and bloops of my gaming childhood employed towards rock tunes and combined with "real" instruments.

Beyond the gimmick, though, Anamanaguchi won me over fully with the Scott Pilgrim game soundtrack, and then 2013's Endless Fantasy, where the gimmick of chiptune nostalgia noise (at least for me) finally coalesced into something that felt entirely like its own thing. Plus I'm a sucker for exactly this kind of bright dance pop, and Bianca Raquel's vocals here are a perfect match for the tone of the music.

5. Jennifer Hudson - Memory

2019s Cats is a fascinating fucking disaster. Tom Hooper is the worst director of musicals in my living memory, the abuse of the VFX staff extended beyond brutal crunch and absurd challenge imposed by a director who had no idea what the hell he was asking them to do all the way into an astonishingly arrogant and condescending joke from Rebel Wilson and James Corden at the expense of workers who were the last people at fault for the disaster that the movie became (look in the fucking mirror, Wilson and Corden, your performances were rancid).

Still, the silver lining of Cats is we got to hear Jennifer Hudson shake the world on its foundations with her rendition of Memory. I don't give a shit what anyone says, this performance is transcendent and no amount of institutional failure can dim its quality.

6. Annette Bjergfeldt - Min Bærende Bjælke

Annette is one of my mother's oldest friends, and a prolific singer-songwriter now turned author. I've been going to her concerts since I was a little child, and while I am absolutely not the target audience for any of it, it has stuck with me as part of my musical vocabulary deep into adulthood.

She has experimented with brass band accompaniment a few times, but for my money, nothing quite comes close to the floating, optimistic vibe of Min Bærende Bjælke. It sounds like a very particular kind of lasting romance, which of course is also what the lyrics are about.

7. Hozier - Blood Upon the Snow

We'll get more than one Hozier song on this list, but Blood Upon the Snow stands out to me as a song which easily transcends the videogame soundtrack promotional tie-in nature of its conception. Bear McCreary's hurdy gurdy and lyrics about surviving through adversity by holding on to existence with your teeth and nails... yeah, it hits with me. There's something real in that.

"The trees deny themselves nothing that makes them grow, no rainfall, no sunshine, no blood upon the snow." Something about that feels real.

8. The Beatles - Something

idk if I really need to write anything about George Harrison's most famous love song that hasn't been written more extensively by a million dad-rock enthusiasts before me.

I will say, this is one of the few songs I listen to regularly that justify the expensive audiophile headphones I invest in. There's a LOT to hear on a good, lossless, original mix of this song, if you're the kind of pervert who gets off to listening to a song a hundred times to focus on different parts of the soundscape. (it's me, I am the pervert)

9. Blink-182 - Adam's Song

I discovered a lot of my music taste as a young man from extremely low-resolution AMVs that my friend used to download off sketchy file-sharing sites. Blink-182 entered my musical lexicon through the one above, specifically, piggybacking off of my teenage love of Dragon Ball.

I never really grokked what the lyrics were actually about, until relistening to the song years later, but something about the minor-key wail of the thing really sat with my angsty teenage soul and has stuck with me ever since. I cannot listen to this song without that music video playing in my head, the song will forever belong to Vegeta.

There's remastered versions of this AMV out there, apparently, but if it's not 144p with tinny audio, it's just not right. That's not what the song is supposed to sound like, not to me.

10. Blink-182 - Miss You

Blink-182 is one of those bands I discovered via anime AMVs and listened to obsessively for a period as a teenager (The Offspring will show up later on this list), and then fell entirely out of touch with for years until discovering much later in life that they did, in fact, keep releasing music. I Miss You from their self-titled 2003 album felt, when I discovered it sometime in the early 2010s, like a much more mature and interesting sound from a band which had gotten stuck associated with my adolescent superpower kung-fu fantasies which I was, at the time, feeling a bit embarrassed about.

The song had a resurgence on TikTok a little while ago as a meme template, which made me listen to the albums again, and rediscover yet again that Blink-182 is, in fact, still putting out albums.

---

The rest of the list is here: https://tbskyen.bearblog.dev/100-songs-to-get-to-know-me/

[monst]

Where are those Bruce Wayne hcs 🤨

Oops my b forgot to post them lmao

Bruce Wayne General Hc’s

  Kinda random, Kinda angsty, 

700 wds

I don’t know where I cooked this up but a big Indiana Jones fan. And sue him he loves “Raiders of the Lost Ark”. He also enjoys rewatching “The Mummy”, “Alien”, “Jumanji”  and “Jurassic Park”. Adventure movies are his favorite. Science fiction movies are also right up his alley. 

His most prized possession is his parent's old vinyl records. He remembers learning how to dance atop Alfred’s feet as his parents danced next to them, they’d swap partners after each song. His mother's laughter as one of her favorites played “Tom this is the song we met too!” Thomas telling Bruce all about how “you should sweep your partner off your feet. After all, it worked for me~” After their passing, Alfred had made an offhanded comment “They were the worst dancers on the floor that night. But they were so happy.”  He hadn’t had the heart to play them or part with them. Also, no one play “Angel of the Morning” Near him too many memories of his mom belting the lyrics in the morning. 

Baths. Bruce Wayne is a bath whore and few people know this. Background music, incense, bubbles, candles, wine, body scrubs, and some Epsom salt for his sore muscles. He rarely gets the chance to take them since he’s usually busy but he’s always looking at his calendar to see if he can squeeze one in. Lotions up after, and ends up sleeping like a rock. Those who don’t know this about him think that the bath bombs he gets gifted him are gag gifts. 

Obligatory sock mention. Very plain sock wearer they’re either navy, white, or black. They also end up bunched up at the legs of the bed. The pets in the manor love it when his door is open because the socks accumulate and the pile gets divvied up between the two dogs and cat. He’s not very happy when he has to buy new ones either because he can’t find them or because he can’t use them. 

That being said he carries a lint roller. At all times. Has to use it frequently and since Damian doesn’t care about having his shirt look patterned he ends up going through two rollers per week. Three, if the Waynes™ need to show up. 

He has a sweet tooth. It’s not that he hides it, it’s more of a ‘They ate all the cookies’ so he can’t have any. It’s fine since they’re usually the typical sugar or chocolate chip cookies good but not his favorite. His favorite cookies are Oreshki’s and he doesn’t play about them. No one knows he likes them because this man will never share them. 

It’s not that he can’t cook. It’s more that he’s very utilitarian about it. He’s more worried about hitting his macros than he is about whether the chicken even has salt. Doesn’t have to be edible just has to fuel him. It’s not something he favors which is why he doesn’t usually cook but if not grabbing the species saves him time well your eating the most tasteless of foods. It’s not that he can’t make it taste good it’s that he doesn’t bother. Besides he can barely taste it if his attention is wrapped up in another case so no big right? 

Suffers from Google translateitis. Especially in high-stress/traumatic situations. Meaning, that brain-to-mouth filter sometimes gets run through Google Translate, and what the heck Bruce why would you say that?! Or How could you say that?! Look now you're drawing conclusions and putting words in his mouth. He was getting to it, he had to get out the negative before the positive. His brain just sorts things a bit differently, let him gather his thoughts and re-word them. And on no, they left. Story of his life and a symptom for all who suffer from Google translateitis. 

Was on Shark Tank once but his deal was so generous that they didn’t want to invite him back. “We’re supposed to take a shark deal Mr. Wayne and you just gave him a handout.” However, after the episode aired and it did numbers on tv&social media the network was blowing up his phone. So every once in a while Brucie Wayne is throwing around money in the Tank. 

[babydollmarauders]

YOU’RE LOSING ME — JACK HUGHES

jack hughes x fem!reader

summary: in which y/n is struggling to grasp the fact that she and jack have grown apart amongst his newfound nhl stardom

warnings: angst, neglectful jack, dying relationship, long intro (so sorry), alcohol

specific lyrics: “remember lookin' at this room, we loved it 'cause of the light. now, i just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time” and “how can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dyin'?” and “how long could we be a sad song 'til we were too far gone to bring back to life? i gave you all my best me's, my endless empathy and all i did was bleed as i tried to be the bravest soldier. fighting in only your army, frontlines, don't you ignore me. i'm the best thing at this party (you're losin' me). and i wouldn't marry me either; a pathological people pleaser who only wanted you to see her. and I'm fadin', thinkin' "do something, babe, say something" "lose something, babe, risk something" "choose something, babe, i got nothing" (i got nothing) "to believe, unless you're choosin' me"”

notes: idk how i feel about this. it’s been awhile since i’ve written an actual fic so i think my writing is a little rusty. there will be no part 2 to this one! i know y’all love when i make part 2’s to my angsty fics, but some fics i just wanna keep as angst and this is one of them <3

maybe we were naïve. young and innocent in thinking our love would last forever. that we could withstand everything the universe had to throw at us.

i could give us this; we did last past Jack’s rookie year. but maybe that’s when things started breaking. i couldn’t tell you for certain.

when we moved to New Jersey, we were going on three years into our relationship. we thought that milestone of three years meant we would be together forever.

we went apartment hunting, i opted to go into online schooling rather than on campus classes, late night whispers consisted of marriage and future children.

now, the last time i even brought up marriage, he told me he wasn’t ready for that. that he was at the peak of his career and didn’t want to spend time that could be used bettering his skills, to plan a wedding.

i spend most nights in an empty bed, the cold sheets serving as a harsh reminder that my boyfriend would rather go out with his teammates than spend time with me.

rather than the past early mornings of soft loving stares and cuddling on his bare chest, i now spend my mornings glaring towards my boyfriends sleeping figure; trying to calculate when he may have gotten home after i had already fallen asleep.

seven years. one-third of my life, spent with Jack.

no one ever said love would be easy; but no one ever told me it would be this hard either.

the mug in my hands is at risk of breaking from my grip, the coffee inside having gone cold. a cruel euphemism to how our relationship has cooled. the burning fire that it once was, now fizzling to dying sparks. but i still hold onto what’s left, because i’m not sure i know how to live a life without him anymore.

i sit curled up on the sofa, staring out the floor-to-ceiling windows at the New Jersey skyline. i still remember the day that Jack and i decided on this apartment, this room was a deciding factor. we loved the lighting, the way the sun shone through the windows and cast a golden haze over the rest of the apartment.

now i sit in the darkness nearly every night, wondering if this was the end of our relationship; if it’s time.

the worst part is that we keep going on. keep playing house. pretending that our relationship is still as happy as it once was.

‘i love you’s never became a rarity, still uttered past our lips multiple times a day. but i know his words only hold an empty promise now.

how can he say he loves me when he can’t tell that this relationship is killing me?

that this dynamic of our relationship becoming a chore has slowly broken me down?

our life is robotic now. we wake up, he leaves for practice, i stay home, i do school, he comes home for a pre-game nap, he leaves for a game, i still stay home, i go to bed, he comes home, repeat.

even worse when he’s away. what once started as facetime calls whenever he was free on a roadie, slowly died until it’s nothing but a few measly unsubstantial texts.

at first i thought maybe we were just going through a rough patch, that we would get through this, but now i fear we won’t.

***

my eyes track my boyfriend at the crowded rooftop bar as i nod my head, only half paying attention to what Ryleigh says.

Nico’s surprise party has been a success. for Nico, at least.

i, selfishly, thought i would use this party as an opportunity to grasp Jack’s attention. i wore the dress that he used to say was his favorite, but not once did he mention it. i curled my hair because i knew how much he loved it, but he didn’t compliment it how he usually does. i dolled myself up in hopes that it would glue him to my side. maybe even spark that possessiveness he used to hold for me.

but instead, all i got was a measly and empty ‘hey babe, you look nice.’ when i arrived, before he chased Dawson down to discuss some new bar he wanted to check out after their next win.

i spent the next hour following him around like a lost puppy, standing by his side as he spoke to his teammates. if he hadn’t had his hand resting on my lower back, i would’ve thought he forgot i was there. but somehow being forgotten would’ve felt better than being ignored.

i’m the best thing at this party, or at least i should be to him, and he barely spared me a second glance.

eventually, i saltily left to find the other wives and girlfriends. for the past three hours now, i sit with Ryleigh and Darya. Ryleigh is currently recounting she and Dawson’s date night last night.

the party has been dwindling down, our group of people among the bar slowly dispersing, giving their final birthday wishes to Nico and going home.

“what about you and Jack?”

“hmm?” i perk up at the mention of my boyfriend, dragging my line of sight away from said boy and back towards my friends.

“i asked about you and Jack. when was your guys’ last date night? how was it?” Ryleigh is only trying to be polite, i know that. but she’s only reminded me that Jack and i haven’t gone on a date in what has to be at least six months.

“honestly? i couldn’t tell you.” i confess. “i don’t even remember the last time we went on a date.”

“well, that’s not right! we should do a double date soon! i’ll have Dawson set it up.” she smiles. “ooh triple date! you and Yegor should come!”

“we’d love that!” Darya chimes in. i let out a polite smile, but i know it won’t happen. i’ve tried too many times to set up a date night and nothing ever comes from it.

“hey, baby. you ready to go?” Dawson saunters over, planting a kiss to his girlfriend’s cheek. Ryleigh nods, bidding Darya and i goodbye.

“hey, y/n? i think Jack was looking for you.” Yegor tells me as he comes over next, gathering his wife to leave for the night.

“he was?” my voice is filled with a pathetic hope, an excitement over even the thought of my boyfriend seeking me out. but when i look back to where i last saw him, he still stands next to his captain, laughing over something one of them said. “thanks, Shara.”

he smiles, the both of them now saying their goodbyes. and then there was one.

i sit by myself, lazily chewing the straw in my drink as i watch my boyfriend and his friend.

i quickly lose track of how long i sit there, ordering drink after drink. eventually, i stop watching Jack, opting for mindlessly scrolling through instagram instead.

“hey.” my head snaps up at Jack’s voice, watching as he finally joins me. my heart thumps in my chest, like i’m a teenager again, at the thought of spending time with him. “i think i’m ready to head home.”

my mood deflates, my shoulders slumping, but i nod, gathering my purse as Jack sets some cash on the bar top to cover my drinks from the night.

i wobble slightly as i stand, Jack’s hand coming up to hold onto my arm, making sure i don’t fall. heat spreads from the site of the touch, shivers racking my body.

“you okay, babe?” he chuckles, pulling me into his side as we walk to the elevator, pressing the down button and waiting for it to arrive. “how much did you drink?”

“i don’t know. maybe three? i lost count after the first hour alone.” i shrug, my words are slurred, a product of my tipsy state. “i started off with sprite, but i switched to gin and tonics once Darya left.”

Jack is silent as we get into the elevator, his brows furrowed and him seemingly in deep thought. the whole ride home is quiet, the air charged. i spend the whole drive with my head turned to look out the window. but as soon as we reach the parking deck of our apartment, getting out of his Range Rover, he speaks up again.

“you could’ve come and found me? i was just with Nico.” i’m silent for a moment, picking up my pace to try and reach apartment faster.

“i didn’t feel like being ignored again.” i shrug as we step through the door, the alcohol giving me obvious courage that i never had before.

“what do you mean ‘again’? i haven’t ignored you.” Jack follows behind me into our bedroom, his eyes tracking me as i sit on the bed and begin unfastening my heels.

“stop.” i sigh.

“stop what? y/n/n, when have i ignored you?” his genuine obliviousness hurts more than i thought it could. the fact that he didn’t even realize he was ignoring me; that it was just a subconscious reaction for him to push me aside.

“every day.” i tell him. my eyes start stinging with tears, finally ready to have the fight that i’ve so desperately been avoiding. but it’s obvious that Jack doesn’t feel the same.

“i’m sorry you felt that way.” he tells me, barely sparing another glance my way before he starts grabbing pajamas out of the dresser.

“you’re losing me.” my words are choked out in a whisper, but i know he hears them because i watch as he stiffens, slowly turning around.

“what?”

“Jack, this doesn’t feel like a relationship anymore. it feels like a job. a chore.” i confess. “it doesn’t feel like you love me anymore and i need you to just say it. because i love you too much to keep going on like this.”

“y/n-”

“we barely talk, Jack.” i cut him off. “when we do, we’re struggling through empty small talk. you’re barely home, and when you are, you don’t try and spend time with me. i sit in this house, alone, even when you’re here.”

“what are you talking about? y/n, we’ve been together for almost seven years. we’ve been through so much together.” his words are harsh, defensive.

“exactly! i gave you all my best me’s- i gave you my teenage years, i gave you all of my best years! i gave you all my empathy when you were being called a bust. when you were struggling in your rookie year and at your lowest. i sat here and comforted you after every loss! i stayed here and cried and tried to be brave every time you were gone. i defended you to everyone!”

tears roll freely down my cheeks, my nose becoming stuffy and my throat tightening. i’ve risen from the bed now, still keeping my distance from him though.

“and what do i have to show for it? an empty apartment? an empty relationship? we used to spend hours talking about marriage and our future. now, the last time i tried to bring that up, you all but told me you didn’t want to marry me.” i scoff. “and i can’t blame you, i wouldn’t marry me either; a pathological people pleaser.”

“don’t say that, please.” he whispers.

“but all i wanted was for you to see me, Jack! i’m here! i have feelings! i know it’s hard to believe, but i’m a person too! i need love! not whatever this has been.” my words fade off at the end, breaking off into sobs.

Jack’s eyes are red, tears of his own slowly descending as we stand in silence.

“do something, please. say something.” i plead, furiously wiping at my tears. i swallow a lump in the throat as he finally takes a step forward.

“i’m sorry.” his voice is shaky, breaking midst sentence. “i’m so sorry i didn’t know you were feeling this way. i’ve been so wrapped up in hockey and the team that i haven’t been here. not fully, at least.

“i took you for granted. i guess you’ve been this dependable force in my life for so long that eventually i forgot that you need more than just my presence.

“i do love you, y/n. i can’t imagine my life without you. i’ll be better, i promise. just, please, don’t leave.” he begs.

Jack steps forward, closing the distance between us and taking my face in his hands.

“i need you. i’ll always choose you.” his hands shake on my cheeks as he pulls me into a kiss. he pulls away, heaving out a broken mix between a sigh and a sob. “i’m so so sorry.”

“we can fix us. i believe that. but please, don’t put me through this again.” i beg, laying my forehead against his.

“never.”

[lixie-phoria]

ੈ✩‧ 🎀🩰 ➛stray kids (hyung line) as taylor swift lyrics

pairing : skz!hyung line x gn reader | maknae line ver.

prompt : which taylor swift line fits the dynamic of your relationship with him

word count : 888 words

an : likes and reblogs are appreciated <3 (+ are you interested in something similar for the maknae line too? lmk!)

🎐| chan !!

"I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you"

chan was a dream; the nicest thing that had ever happened to you. he was a breath of fresh air from all your previous s/o's.

you met him for the first time at the campus café, right after the worst break up of your life. it was obvious you had been crying, so everyone gave you a wide berth. but not chan.

you'd previously only seen him a few times around the campus, so when he slid into your booth with a shy smile you were so confused you nearly forgot about the asshole who'd broken your heart. he gently nudged the coffee you'd ordered towards you, asking you what's wrong.

and maybe it was his adorable smile, or the little dimple that formed on his cheek, that pulled you in, and you found yourself ranting to him about stuff he probably couldn't care less about, but he was so attentive, looking at you with those warm brown eyes that slowly spread warmth all over your body.

that evening, as he walked you back to your dorm, you had never seen anyone look more beautiful. the setting sun cascaded its rays gently over his features. and that evening, you knew. you knew things would never be the same. you would never be able to look away from chan.

🎐 | lee know !!

"our secret moments in a crowded room"

lee know met you through chan, who seemed to know just about everyone in the kpop industry. you were a part of an up and coming rookie group, so new to his world, that he couldn't help but take a liking to you.

all his members told him how this wasn't like him. he kept to himself usually, only socializing when absolutely necessary. but there was just something about you.

unlike many people, he loved the thrill of your blooming relationship. it was so risky, considering your dating ban and the constant fear of a scandal. but he lived for every stolen glance during award shows, gentle shoulder brushes as you shared the same stage and the subtle flirting if you were MCs together.

he couldn't control the small smile that would light up his face whenever someone spoke about you. it amused him how the world thought they knew him, but they really had no idea.

he remembers every detail of your first meeting: the color of your hair, the dress you wore, the rings that adorned your fingers, your scent that intoxicated him. it was all so beautiful, and god he hopes it never ends.

🎐 | changbin !!

"never wanted love just a fancy car"

everybody knew changbin. buff exterior, fluffy interior. he was everybody's dream boy. yet he didn't seem to be looking for love.

besides being a gym rat, he was known for rejecting every confession that came his way. nicely, of course.

all changbin really wanted was to finish his degree, get a job and then maybe find himself a s/o. he didn't want anything to side track him from his studies.

then you waltzed into his life. you worked at one of the clubs he performed a gig at, and after he was done, you had shyly introduced yourself to him, offering to make him a drink. and it was like he was hooked.

changbin isn't sure how it happened. one second you wore pouring him a shot and the next second he was giggling like a school girl at the jokes you made. maybe it was the alcohol in his system, but one encounter turned into another until he was able to accept that little flutter in his heart every time he looked at you.

yes, he had promised himself that he was going to concentrate on his academic life, but he knew he couldn't let you go. life had given him the perfect opportunity, and he would be stupid to throw it away.

your eyes were full of stars, and changbin wanted to do nothing more than stare into them all his life.

🎐 | hyunjin !!

"and you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars"

hyunjin was skeptical of love. he knew he was a hopeless romantic, he knew he fell too soon and too hard. he was so scared of having his heart broken. he never wanted to be someone's first love, always their last.

then he met you. you, who showed him colors he'd never seen with anyone before. you were like the final stroke of a painting, making his life absolutely complete. and gods, he had never felt this way before.

the uncontrollable beating of his heart every time your hand brushed his, the stuttering mess he became whenever you gave him a smile, and the roaring monster that sprung up in his chest every time someone else tried to make a move on you.

and then he nearly lost you. it was a simple argument, he couldn't even remember how it started, but when you didn't speak with him for an entire week, he knew. he knew that he couldn't do this without you, and he couldn't help but hope that you felt the same way.

when he showed up at your door step that night, drenched from the heavy rain and you threw yourself into his arms, not caring about getting soaked yourself, he felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of him.

he didn't care what happened from then on. he would never lose you again. he was ready to fight anything to be yours.

©lixie-phoria, 2023

[miharuki]

hello!!! may i request second part of "once upon a time there a blue love"? thank you

(i think it would be cute if you included small moments between reader and Felix because they're cousins and I'm curious about how their relationships are and if reader told him about her and luka and their separation yk in episode where he was introduced as Argos. I'm also happy that you wrote moment from season 5 about Luka moving away because i can barely find any Luka x reader that catched up to season 5)

feel free to ignore this request and this suggestion. i just wanted to say that i appreciate your work and that you're doing great writings. take care!!!

I'm replying to these two messages, this one took a lot of work Thank you for liking my content, I worked hard on part 2 (3864 Words ) Again remembering that my English is not the best, it is not my original language ;P

Your requests are an order!

(angst, fluff at the end, Gabriel is still the worst person, Félix already knowing things without you needing to say it, Marinete and Adrien dating, season 5 spoiler)

(Part 1:)

𝕺𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖀𝖕𝖔𝖓 𝖆 𝕿𝖎𝖒𝖊 𝕿𝖍𝖊𝖗𝖊 𝖆 𝕭𝖑𝖚𝖊 𝕷𝖔𝖛𝖊 𝕻𝖙 2

Once upon a time...

There was an elegant house with noble people They lived rich, rich in black hearts At the top of that mansion, there was a room, a room with a window, a window with a marvelous view, but it belonged to a lifeless room, a room where a person who loved too much was imprisoned, you, Oh, poor girl, she saw from her window everyone else being free, while she stayed and lamented not being good enough for her beloved, who is far away and with whom you can no longer converse, And all because her father is concerned about her status, so concerned that he didn't think twice before imprisoning his daughter, like Rapunzel in her tower.

"—And how is she doing?" Nino asked as he placed his hand on Adrien's shoulder, who was approaching the circle of friends.

—My father still says she's sick, and she doesn't seem to leave her room when I'm around," Adrien said, sighing sadly as he remembered how, after the events and Luka's trip, she was practically "isolated" in her room, which according to her father, claims she's too ill to leave. This raised suspicions among some friends, especially Marinette and Ayla.

"But we haven't seen her in a week!" Rose said, hugging Juleka, causing Adrien to sigh.

"I know, but from what my father told me, she got sick during one of the rehearsals and now needs to rest, especially because he doesn't want me to get sick too."

Now, this seemed even more suspicious to her friends. Marinette looked at her phone, seeing her friend's list of unanswered calls. She then glanced at Adrien, noticing how he seemed a bit down, and approached him. Despite her feelings for him, she placed her hand on his shoulder, making him look at her.

"Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be fine," Adrien smiled at her, while everyone else agreed, not wanting to make the situation sadder."Have you tried calling her?" Ayla suggested, looking at her friend Marinette, who was frantically using her phone as if trying desperately to get in touch with you."No, my father told me she dropped her phone in one of the fountains while landing, and that's why she got sick"Something is definitely wrong.

Meanwhile, you were locked in your room, unable to leave your eternal "punishment," still not understanding why things were this way. You realized that your father was making you feel lonely again as you looked around the messy room. You got up from the bed and looked under it, spotting a decorated and locked box. Pulling it out, you removed a key that was attached to your necklace, along with another one that Luka had given you in the past. You used the key to unlock the box, and you smiled upon seeing the various items it held—a small Viperion plushie that Luka had won and gifted you during one of your encounters, numerous song lyrics, and a few other objects given by your friends, the ones your father hadn't confiscated.

You realized how much you resembled your past self, feeling empty, lonely, and above all, with no one to talk to or confide in. You closed the box and locked it again, tucking the key inside your shirt as you climbed back onto the bed. You clutched your blouse and felt the other necklace Luka had given you, hearing the door open behind you without even looking back.

"Your father told you that you will return to modeling again, and this time he expects you to comply," Nathalie said as she fiddled with her tablet."By the way, your dinner will be delivered to your room again. I hope you eat this time," Nathalie turned to leave without waiting for your response, closing the door behind her, and you could hear the door being locked. You sighed sadly, then walked over to the window, looking out at the landscape that thankfully hadn't been taken from you. You gazed at the distant Eiffel Tower and the starry night that adorned its background, thinking about how beautiful the night was despite being alone in your locked room. You prayed that Luka was okay.

"I've already talked to Luka about the situation," Juleka said as she joined her group of friends. Marinette, being the great planner she was, was trying everything to make things calmer. "He told me to send his regards to her and that as soon as she can, she should call him."

"I still find this very strange!" Marinette said as she got up from the sofa in her room and started pacing in circles. "I mean, after Luka's sudden departure, a few days later, Adrien says that (name) is sick? There's something wrong here."

"Look, this time I even agree, but it could also be true. Don't you guys remember it rained last week? And do you remember the photo in the magazine that day, right? It's clearly (name) in the rain posing, so obviously, she would get sick!" Ayla said as she tried to ease the situation.

"Yes, true, I saw it!" Rose said while standing beside Juleka, making her nod in agreement too.

"But still!" Marinette said before a hand was placed on her shoulder, making her look back to see her friend Ayla.

"Look, that's enough, Marinette. I think you should put this aside, especially since you have a date with Adrien tomorrow."

"Yes, that's true!" the girls said, making their friend Marinette blush, while she tried to speak but gave up.

Meanwhile, (name) put on her fakest smile as she continued to pose at certain locations. "Yes, perfect! Very good!" the photographer exclaimed as he continued taking photos, with you striking every pose and wearing a cute outfit. Finally, the photo shoot was over. "Break time," he said, and you sat down, your smile fading, returning to your sad expression. You spotted Nathalie approaching with her tablet.

"You're doing well, because of that, you can choose what you'd like to eat," she said, looking at her tablet without leaving your side.

"I-I think... I'd like some (your preferred food) from Dupain-Cheng Bakery, please," you said, looking at the ground before turning to Nathalie.

Nathalie gave you a quizzical look before sighing and going to her driver, who then got into the car. Nathalie returned to your side, looking at her tablet and tapping away. You let out a tired sigh, sitting down, swinging your legs and looking around to try to pass the eternal boring time. In the meantime, you glanced up at the blue sky, watching the birds fly by and catching a glimpse of a red and black blur streaking across the sky, heading somewhere. "Here you go, eat while you still have time," Nathalie said as her bodyguard and driver handed her the Dupain-Cheng Bakery bag containing the food you had requested.

"Thank you..." you said in a low tone, almost like a whisper, looking at the school and smelling the sweet scent of the bakery where your friend lived.

"Tomorrow is the Diamond Ball, so after your session today, we'll take you to the studio to order your dress. Your father wants you to look good," you only nodded, listening to Nathalie go over your schedule.

Since you returned to modeling, your father refused to let you be alone, so you were always accompanied by Nathalie, who, although she seemed fine, you couldn't help but glance at the equipment on her legs, wondering if something had happened to her.

"Come on, show me a look of comfort! A look of longing, as if you were reminiscing about seeing these flowers!" the photographer said as he asked you to hold a bouquet of red roses, sitting on a picnic blanket with flowers all around. "Not like that!" he said, looking at your expression. "Show more emotion! A little happiness! See how beautiful these flowers are!" he pointed at the bouquet. Looking at the bouquet, you saw a blue dragonfly land on a rose, and a faint memory of a garden you went to with Luka came back to your mind, making you miss him. You gave a small smile as you buried your face in the roses, inhaling their sweet and fragrant scent, smiling at the memory of the day he asked you out.

"Yes! Perfect! Very good! Keep going!"

"Would you like any roses? A ribbon or some colorful embellishment?" asked the seamstress as she took your measurements. "No need for color, just white will do. The outfit Mr. Agreste designed only requires adjustments elsewhere," Nathalie replied as she tapped on her tablet. You watched as the seamstress took your measurements to add to the dress. And of course, you were also looking at the shoes, which your father had also designed, but for some reason, he wanted everything to be perfect.

"Welcome, Mrs. Agreste," the guard said as he allowed you and your father to pass. Your gaze remained melancholic, though not enough for anyone to notice that you were sad; it simply showed that you didn't want to be there, which clearly you had no choice in. Sitting on a sofa, you waited and watched everyone there enjoy themselves, not letting on as some tried to talk to you or somehow get your attention. All you did was divert your gaze until you reached the soft white couch.

"You look sad, did something happen?" a voice asked, and you looked to see what appeared to be your brother."Hello to you too, Félix," you said as you closed your eyes and leaned back on the couch."You always know how to identify me no matter what," he said, almost laughing if he didn't see your tired expression. He approached and sat beside you."What happened? You're usually more lively," he said as he looked at you, prompting you to release a tired sigh.

"My father..." Félix sighed with his words, but before he could say anything more, looking at Gabriel in the distance, a voice came to your rescue.

"Hello, (name)!" You opened your eyes, seeing Kagami. You blinked as she sat down on your other side, and you straightened up. It had been a while since you talked to any of your friends."You haven't been to school anymore. I heard you were sick. Are you feeling better now?" You looked away, glancing at Gabriel in the distance, almost choking."Yeah, of course, I was kind of, you know, sick... you know, now I'm better!" You said, not wanting to know what kind of lie Gabriel had told Adrien for him to be able to tell the others like this.

Before Kagami could ask another question or say anything else, you suddenly got up.

"You know, I'm going to grab a drink or something to eat, be right back!" you said as you almost ran away. You didn't want to talk about anything, but what could you say? Tell them that your father didn't approve of relationships and that he had put you on indefinite punishment for lying, running away, and breaking the one rule he gave you? How could you talk about this situation?

Near the food area, you grabbed some sweets to try to occupy your thoughts and emotions. As you looked at the dance floor, you saw your cousin, who resembled your brother, dancing with someone. Not wanting to say anything, you simply ignored it.

You entered the bathroom after eating some sweets and looked in the mirror, observing your well-groomed and elegant figure, your perfectly done hair, and your fancy dress. This wasn't you. The only thing you saw that truly belonged to you was your necklace, which you had hidden under the dress. Pulling it out, you looked lovingly at your reflection in the mirror, seeing the necklace that Luka had given you.

"Luka..." You never stopped loving him, even though your father had locked you in your room. You never stopped missing him. Crouching in the bathroom while looking at your necklace, you caressed it, hoping that someday you would find him again.

"Adrien!" you heard someone shout, looking out of the plane window. You saw Marinette running towards the airplane stairs with Adrien following behind.

Ah yes, it seems you weren't the only one with a forbidden affair. You watched Marinette and Adrien kiss before the bodyguards separated them. A wave of déjà vu came over you when you saw this scene, which felt so familiar. You saw Adrien being dragged onto the plane and placed in his seat, looking out the window while crying.

You averted your gaze and saw the plane starting to move to take off. You lay down, holding your blouse and feeling the necklace underneath it. You prayed and wished that you could find Luka.

"This will be your room," Nathalie showed you the hotel room. You saw that the view was nice, but it wasn't anything special. It was just another room where you would be confined. You leaned on the balcony railing, looking at the horizon and feeling the wind tussle your hair.

"It's only for a few days..." you commented, resigning yourself to the situation, holding the necklace that Luka had given you once again. You sighed with sadness.

"Can I stay in the park for a while, please?" you asked your bodyguard, who was currently looking after you while you posed for photos since Nathalie had fallen ill and couldn't make it. You looked at him, waiting for a response, and he saw the sadness and emptiness in your eyes, so he nodded in sympathy. You smiled weakly as you hugged your bodyguard. "Thank you..." He just patted your head and pointed to a bakery nearby, and you nodded. He would be in the bakery while you stayed in the park.

You watched your bodyguard's back disappear as he entered the bakery, and you smiled as you sat on the park bench, feeling a sense of freedom being away from supervision. However, a sad sigh still hung on your face, as if you were feeling trapped.

"A smile suits you better," you choked when you heard someone speaking, a familiar voice. Looking at the owner of the voice, you couldn't believe what you were seeing.

"Luka..." you said softly in a whisper, getting up from the bench. Your hands trembled. The boy with blue-tipped hair smiled as he approached slowly. He was nervous, hoping it wasn't a dream. He hugged you when he was close enough, burying his head in your neck.

"I missed you so much!" he said as you returned the hug, feeling the tears you had held back for so long, also feeling the boy's tears staining your clothes.

"Luka!"

"You didn't call me anymore, I had no sign from you. I thought something had happened. But then Juleka told me you had gotten sick, but that's not true, is it?" Luka looked at you, asking for confirmation, but all you did was bite your lip and turn your face away. "Why are you hiding, love?" Luka asked as he placed his hand on your cheek, caressing it.

"I..." You didn't want to talk. You didn't want to burden Luka. He wasn't at fault. You didn't want to speak; all you wanted was to be with him now.

"Please, (name), you can tell me," he said as he hugged you, stroking your hair.

"It was him, wasn't it?" You lifted your gaze to Luka before turning away again.

"I won't force you if you don't want to..."

"Someone told my father about our relationship. He doesn't accept the fact that I'm dating someone who isn't 'famous' or a friend of my father's. He took away all my technology so I couldn't talk to you or our friends. He thinks me leaving was a terrible idea. I'm sorry..."

"It's not your fault... it never was..." Luka placed his hands on both your shoulders.

"B-but! It was my fault. I didn't follow my responsibilities; I was careless, and I couldn't talk to you either... It's my fault... I just... my father, he just...!" Suddenly, an irritated expression crossed Luka's face.

"It doesn't matter!" You looked shocked at the boy as he wiped away your tears and put on a gentle smile.

"No matter what your father says or what the media wants, you've made me the happiest boy on the planet, and I've missed you so much since we were apart. You keep being the song that plays in my mind. I don't care if others see; I love you, (name)!" With that, Luka put his hand on your cheek, pulling your face closer to his, and finally kissed you. Not a peck or just any kiss—it was a kiss of love, one that showed how much you both loved each other. Amid that romantic moment, several people stopped to look at both of you.

"(Name) Agreste, Adrien Agreste's twin sister and Gabriel Agreste's daughter, kissing a boy in a public park." That's what people thought as they passed through the park, and some took photos.

"I love you, (name)," Luka said as he rested his forehead against yours.

"I love you too, Luka..."

"It seems that it wasn't enough," Mrs. Tsurugi commented as she listened to the latest news report that Gabriel was speaking in.

"Your children are being disobedient, unlike my daughter. Yours are out of control," Gabriel groaned in frustration as he looked at the screen, seeing the photo someone had posted. The photo itself wasn't particularly striking, just a girl taking a selfie with you and Luka kissing in the background. Similar photos like this ended up in some local newspapers, especially in the fashion industry, which only added to Gabriel's irritation. As if it wasn't enough to have to punish you, Adrien followed suit, and now just when it seemed like you were behaving, you go and kiss some random boy...

"It's not working... I think I'll have to proceed with the plan," Gabriel said as he looked at another screen, watching the cameras showing you, Adrien, and Kagami lying in white beds in a room that resembled a sanitarium.

"Let's begin..."

"(Name)!" Luka called out, running to you. You looked at him sadly, and he stopped, now concerned, as you turned.

"(Name), my love, what happened?" He placed a hand on your shoulder, seeing your back.

"Let's break up..." The boy's expression was shocked when he looked at you.

"What do you mean, (name)?" He seemed to want it to be a lie, hoping it was a lie. You had met again just a few days ago, and now you wanted to break up. Didn't you love him?

"(Name)?" You pulled away from the boy.

"Let's break up! I don't want to see you anymore!"

"(Name), if you can explain to me what's wrong, I'm sure we can find a way..." he said, trying to hold onto some hope.

"I don't like you, Luka. Why can't you understand that? I don't want this anymore!" You said angrily to the boy, who looked at you with sadness. He tried to reach out to you, but you simply pulled away until another random boy appeared, taking you away, leaving Luka shocked.

"(Name)....?"

Upon waking up, Luka realized it was just a dream. He brought his hand to his face, wiping away the tears, and sighed, feeling his heart calm down. He reached for his phone, checked the time, and saw his wallpaper—a happy photo of both him and you. He smiled, knowing it was just a nightmare, and that as much as it seemed real, it wasn't. You loved each other too much for something like that to happen.

He held onto the necklace you had given him on his birthday and looked at the ring on his finger—a ring that symbolized your relationship.

That is until...

"Bring back Adrien and Kagami!" Luka didn't know what had happened, but suddenly, everyone started getting akumatized. He knew it had something to do with the nightmare he had because his father and the secretary had reported having extremely heavy nightmares and couldn't stop thinking about them.

"Let's go! We need you!" Bunnix said, opening a portal for them to pass through.

"Thank you, Luka," you said as you leaned against him, watching your friends having fun in the pool at your house. You couldn't remember anything, and all Luka remembered was that suddenly, while fighting to break the akumatized rings, there was an explosion in the sky, and then he woke up, noticing you beside him. He wished it wasn't a dream now, and that you could be together.The look Marinette gave him was enough for him to know that you were now by his side, to stay.

"I should be the one thanking you," you looked at him confused, while he chuckled and gently kissed your lips, leaving both of your faces blushing and happy. "I'm lucky to be dating an amazing girl like you, (name)!"

"I love you, (name)!"

"I love you more, Luka!"

Applause came from some friends who were nearby, watching as you kissed again, but this time, it was to confirm something you both already knew— that you loved each other.

It took me 2 days to finish!!! And I finally finished!!!! Amen! I hope you liked it, if you want I can do another part :)

@midzuuumi

@famouschopshopgalaxy

[joesalw]

I know you’ve probably gotten thousands of rants just like this one from newly turned ex-swifties, but I really need to get this out of me and you’ve clearly turned your blog into some kind of support group so…

I listened to “But Daddy, I love him”, and I’ve never been so pissed off by a song. Sorry that I don’t like your racist rat-looking boyfriend??? And then she dares to be like: “I’d want to live in the 1830s if it wasn’t racist.” I saw a comment on some social media, I can’t remember which one, but it was like “Taylor when racism in 1830: >:( Taylor when racism in 2023: :).” And it’s 100% true.

But I think the worst part is that now that I’m distancing myself from the hivemind, I’m noticing how delusional and deranged swifties are. I saw one swiftie saying we all should write an apology letter and sign it??? What do we need to apologize for??? Not liking racism??? What’s next, we ask black people to apologize for advocating for the dismantlement of slavery??? Or segregation???

And this wasn’t an easy realization, either, I was heartbroken when I first heard the lyrics, and read the stuff Swifties were saying. And I feel so stupid about that because it’s not like Taylor or Swifties have ever hidden their self-entitlement. She’s never spoken up about Palestine, she’s a carbon criminal, she’s a white feminist, and she’s never said anything about Swifties being racist to artists like Beyonce or SZA! 

Also, the album just sucked. I listened to all 31 songs, none of them stuck out to me, and I was bored within minutes. This sounds like something a sixteen-year-old would right, which is strange because she’s thirty-four. I could name five songs from the albums she wrote when she was a teenager that had better lyrics than anything on this album. Two years my ass. She cannot be serious.

welcome to the therapy session 🫶get it all out🫶

[cruyuu]

hello 💕 love your sukuita analyses and edits 🙏 my friend and i were looking through Gege's official chosen songs for each character specifically for yuji and sukuna now that the manga is over and i don't know if many people noticed Yujis first song was "Heart ni Ho wo Tsukete" and the lyrics are??????? literally canon sukuita 😭 "burn your loneliness" "don't turn to ashes" "you and i are together" "will we love each other? will we turn to ashes?" like 😭😭😭 if you haven't checked it out please do because we were losing it

Hi jenjen and thank you!

I already heard Heart ni Ho wo Tsukete and I agree. The lyrics are crazy. The song is quite beautiful, tho, shipping aside.

As someone who loves looking into stuff and finding connections, it's interesting to me that a character song is hinting at having a deep emotional connection with someone as a way of pushing on through the worst of "the worringly bad state they are in".

Sure, some would say "It doesn't have to mean that" as in "It doesn't have to be abt sukuita" but I like to think that it does because it's not like the story itself relied heavily on Sukuna and Yuuji- beginning with their reluctant union and ending with their parting- right? It's not like Yuuji taught Sukuna something about love and managed to reach him, right? That definitely didn't happen lmfao.

Also... how do you even begin to explain these lines?

I’m attached Deeply attached to you It doesn’t go in a single line I’m attached to you And the lies we tell each other

Remember that this is coming from a song picked for Yuuji, so it's supposed to represent him. Who is he deeply attached to, so much so that the attachment he shares with that person "doesn't just go in single line"? Who does he tell lies to?

Who, again, said he'd do anything to kill that creep and then asked for his return to his body, said that he is the only one who can accept him and would live with him?

It's all so mind-numbingly sweet, very confusing and terribly funny. It makes me want to hurl myself off a cliff. Gaze into the sunset with the cigarette in my hands and just sigh like I'm seventy thousand years old. It makes me want to squeal, screech and not at all act composed like I usually am.

Like, sukuita's relationship has been at the very center of the story even if it was out of focus for a while. Yuuji was with others and Sukuna was with others but then when they met again... those others just couldn't compete. One of my friends joked that they're lowkey that sentence "I have been looking for you in other people only to realize you've been right in front of me this entire time." and I can't help but giggle. Hell, the story itself is proof of it lol

Like I keep mentioning in my posts, these two tend to just act weirdly around each other. It's not even "just hate", neither "indifference", because everything that Yuuji did made him reluctant to part with Sukuna in the end, and no matter how much Sukuna dismisses Yuuji, he's also praising him and acknowledging him over and over and over. Yes, they can't see eye to eye, yes, they're fundamentally different from one another but Yuuji still managed to try and understand him. Sukuna also ended up accepting Yuuji's viewpoint and considered taking on a different path, finally changing after years of remaining stuck in a single mindset.

Like not one person had managed to change his mindset for all those years yet Yuuji- the idiot, brat, thing, whatever- did. In just a couple of months lol. That was the final seal on just how important he was to him in the end. The only one to beat him, the only one to reach him, the only one to come running back with arms open to still allow him to live no matter if he destroyed everything in his life.

Lol.

Which brings me to:

If we burn our union If we burn everything Won’t we love each other? Won’t we love each other? Won’t it become ash?

It fits them all too well. Love under the guise of hate, killing as an expression of love, hate as an expression of fondness. Everything flipped onto its head because, after all, aren't they too, (from human to curse in Yuuji's case, from curse to human in Sukuna's) when around each other?

I swear figuring out these two (and, in general, just trying to think about their relationship or write an analysis) makes me want to bang my head against the wall. All I'm saying is, if Gege ever goes to create a tragic romance manga, they have my full support because they knew what they were doing, twisting and intertwining these two to perfection before they ripped them away. They made them so entertaining, both as individual characters and when they collided with each other.

Yeah. I despise it here (affectionately).

I hope both you and your friend have an amazing day or night and thank you for the ask!

[oliolioxenfreewrites]

Another Sneak Peak into Novaxiom. My world of Sonoric Sorcery!

The First Chapter! I wrote this overnight as I finally finished the outline I liked. I could do a deeper dive into this if you are interested :)

I emerged not like you did—not from some warm, comforting womb but from the cold, unyielding depths of the Crystalline Expanse within the Polar Symphonies of Novaxiom. My first memory isn't a mother's lullaby or a father's proud tears. No, my first memory is a perfect chord resonating through my being, waking me from a timeless slumber.

Imagine that. A vibration jolts Your entire existence into consciousness, a note so pure it slices through the void. That’s how it all started for me. One moment, I was nothing but an inert crystal; the next, I am Syrin, a sentient carved from the essence of the Gods themselves.

At first, everything was a symphony. The world unfolded in a stir of light and sound, each note and each shimmer a part of a grand composition that I could only begin to barely comprehend. So, I roamed the crystalline caverns with a kind of naïve wonder, my every movement refracting light into dazzling displays. The ancient energies flowing through the crystals whispered secrets of the past, long-forgotten songs, and the echoes of beings who had vanished eons before my awakening.

I could sense it all: the harmony, the beauty, the balance. It was intoxicating, this perfect world of resonant energy and light. But as with all things, perfection is an illusion, a fragile construct waiting to be shattered.

I remember that first discordant note vividly. It was faint at first, a subtle vibration that didn't quite fit with the rest. But it grew stronger, more seductive, like an unfamiliar yearning in my mind. Innate curiosity or maybe a sense of enticing the hands of doom - I'm still unsure which - drove me to follow that dissonance deeper into the caverns. It led me to an ancient, forgotten shrine, a place of power and ruin.

Here’s where it gets interesting. The shrine wasn’t just a relic but a battleground, the site of a long-lost struggle between harmony and discord. The air was thick with the remnants of that ancient conflict, and the dissonance I’d sensed was its ghost, still haunting the ruins. It spoke of betrayal, power, and a curse upon my kind—those like me who were born from the very essence of Novaxiom.

In the shrine, I learned of the beings who came before me. Auralis, the master of sound; Mentis, the weaver of thoughts; Vitalis, the giver of life. These primordial forces shaped the world and, in their wisdom—or folly—created beings to guard and guide the balance. But power corrupts. And where there is power, there will always be those who seek to twist it to their ends.

The Cacophonous Wars—what a mouthful, huh? It sounds almost lyrical. In reality, it was anything but. It was a barbaric, devastating conflict that almost tore the world apart. Psillusionists, with their twisted magic, turned harmony into a weapon. Korux, the name still sends shivers down my crystalline spine, was the worst of them. His legacy of darkness and discord is a stain that Novaxiom will never fully erase.

I saw it all through the remnants of the shrine. I witnessed the echoes of history replaying within those crystalline depths. I swear it! I witnessed the rise and fall of Korux, the Psillusionists' punishment, and their subsequent transformation, which led to the birth of Dysphoni.

Now, here's where it gets a bit muddy... Dysphoni are born deaf, cut off from the natural Sonoric energies that shaped our world. Defeated, they retreated to the Shattered Saskatchewan, harnessing and developing their own dark arts, manipulating silence and discord. Isolated and discriminated against, their resentment grew with each generation.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. It sounds like a bedtime story, a cautionary tale told to frighten children into behaving. But this isn’t a joke; I shouldn’t even be telling all of this to you; it’s all too dangerous. The Dysphoni didn’t just fade into the background. They bided their time, honing their skills, waiting for the perfect moment to rise again.

And rise they did. Led by a descendant of Korux, they surged forth from the Shattered Saskatchewan, their silence a weapon, their discord a plague. They aimed to engulf Novaxiom in darkness again to finish what their ancestors had started. The Great Silence, they called it, was an era where sound would be subjugated, where silence and discord would reign supreme.

But here’s the twist. The Dysphoni weren’t just the villains of the piece. They were victims, too, shaped by a curse that wasn’t entirely their fault. Born into a world that feared and shunned them, they turned to the only power they had left—silence. It’s tragic, really. A cycle of pain and retribution that keeps spinning out of control.

So, where do I fit into all this? I’m the observer, the chronicler of this endless symphony of creation and destruction. I’ve seen Novaxiom’s beginning, witnessed the rise and fall of its most remarkable powers, and now I stand on the precipice of its future. My role as an observer allows me to share these experiences with you, engaging and connecting you to the world of Novaxiom.

I walk through the Crystalline Expanse, my faceted form shimmering in the dim light, and I wonder. What’s next for us, for Novaxiom? Can we break the cycle, or are we doomed to repeat the same mistakes, to fight the same battles repeatedly? The echoes of the past are loud, but perhaps, just perhaps, we can find a new chord, a new harmony that includes even those born of silence.

Maybe that's the answer—not more conflict but integration, acknowledging the pain and resentment, and finding a way to turn it into something beautiful. It sounds naïve, I know, but after everything I’ve seen, maybe a little naivety is precisely what we need.

For now, I have to keep wandering; there are so many more frequencies I can attune to! At least the Gods gave me something to work with on this crazy ass planet! Just gliding along these snowy hills, listening to the songs of the crystals, the whispers of the past. I’ll keep telling you the story of Novaxiom in the hope that one day, we’ll find the harmony we’ve been searching for. It’s a long shot, but what else is there to do in a world where even silence begins to sing?

Tag List! ✬

@drchenquill @illarian-rambling @kaylinalexanderbooks @leahpardo-pa-potato @slenders1ckn3ss

@somethingclevermahogony @inky-duchess @sassystyl @rotting-moon-writes @highlycosmic

@avaseofpeonies @oc-atelier @ceph-the-ghost-writer @paeliae-occasionally @davycoquette

@unforgettable-sensations @hissorrow22 @boredwritergirl @scorpiothesaint @thewrathoffemalerage

@rirori-jeorgiarn @spookyceph @enne-uni @the-golden-comet

if anyone is interested in joining or being removed from the tag list, just reply to any post & let me know! :)

[sunshine-overload]

[BSTS] Heath 5th Anni Eve 4* Card Story

chapter 1 -starless back rooms-

saki: (This piece of paper flew over from somewhere… Oh, it was from the voice training room.)

saki: Uwah, I can’t catch it.

heath: What are you doing? 

saki: Oh, Heath-san. That piece of paper flew out of the voice training room.

heath: Oh sorry, that’s mine. I got dragged away by Kongou, so the room has been vacant for a bit. He finally let me go once he saw me eat my lunch… It was a massive serving too.

saki: Fufu, do you have practice now?

heath: I was planning to shut myself away in the voice training room for a while. If you’re interested would you like to join me?

-voice training room-

heath: I should pick all this paper up, my bad.

saki: I’ll help you. Ah, this is…

heath: The the lyrics to ‘Dokuhebi’, the show B performed for the store’s second anniversary. I usually lock myself in here to write new songs, however today I’ve been thinking about that show.

saki: Your second anniversary show you mean?

heath: I’d rather not remember the period of time after the second anniversary up until the new year but it’s not like I could ever forget it either. I caused my team a lot of hardship. But the worst part was being stuck sitting in that hospital bed whilst my words were stolen from me. It was hell.

saki: Heath-san…

heath: My songs are my very soul. By shouting them out into the world, I can prove that I’m alive. That I exist. So that’s why ever since I got discharged from the hospital, I’ve been thinking about my songs… As well as B’s shows.

saki: It’s true that you’ve made every single song for B’s shows.

heath: …Say, what do you think of the current state of B’s performances? Let me know how you honestly feel about them, what is Team B in your eyes?

-choice

They’re really powerful and amazing / They’re really moving / They’re very Team B, I like it

(all options have the same response)

>They’re really powerful and amazing 

saki: B’s shows are always really engaging, they’re so powerful and impressive.

heath: I see. If that’s how you see us, then I suppose that’s how Team B are. Thanks, Saki.

-

chapter 2 -backstage-

heath: The show will be starting soon, did you come to wish me well? I’ll make sure to meet your expectations. I’ll get both the stage and the audience fired up. I’ll put on a show thats power will impress you, kind of like a power play. Don’t go forgetting that, ok?

saki: Heath-san… You’re really motivated today, aren’t you?

heath: I guess so, you could call it that. It’s because seeing your face energises me. To be honest, I had just been thinking, what direction am I trying to take my performances in? But then when I saw your face, the answer came to me.

I can’t always envision tomorrow and yesterday won’t ever come back. All I have is the present. That’s what just clicked for me…

I had two reasons for coming to this store. The first was to give life to my lyrics. And the second was to have those lyrics be heard by those that I want to hear them. Those reasons haven’t changed and won’t ever change… They can’t be changed.

saki: …Heath-san?

heath: I’d like for you to keep watching the way I live my life. Just as you have been up and until now… Please continue doing so.

saki: Of course. I’ll always be here to watch your shows.

heath: Yeah. I’ll do my best. You should get to your seat already, I’m gonna go all out straight out the gate, so make sure you keep up.

saki: I’m looking forward to it. I’ll head to my seat then!

-saki leaves-

heath: ….Saki. I’m different from back then. I won’t let anyone touch my life ever again.*

-stage-

-cg

heath: “Do you think singing hymns will keep you safe? Pride is a machine gun loaded with betrayal. No forgiveness, no groove. In this world you can’t have faith in anything. No forgiveness, no groove. No one’s gonna be fooled by a world like this.”

—end

*The word for ‘life’ that heath uses here is 命 (inochi) which is the word he commonly uses when he calls his songs his life

*Dokuhebi is based on The Brothers Karamazov, Smerdyakov specifically, the ending is lyrics from the song

[audrey-carr1]

The Heiress and the Lady of the House (part 5)

A/N: I finally updated! Yay!

word count: 3.3k+

warnings: fem!reader, Hettyxreader, some kissing and other things but no smut

Want to read on AO3?

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 |

The morning of NYE

Hetty was always the first one to wake. She says she enjoys watching the sunrise and seeing the sunlight enter the room to illuminate my beauty. I am always the last one to fall asleep, naturally as I am the one running the business, but also because I wanted to be sure Hetty slept. More than once, I have heard Hetty talk about how she does not sleep well or at all. Since she has begun to sleep in my bed, she has slept very peacefully. As she enjoys watching me sleep in the morning, I love to watch her sleep in the evenings. Her face relaxed and free from anxieties. Often times I find myself twirling her hair between my fingers. Sometimes I would have to keep myself from laughing when Hetty would begin to snore softly.

Now Hetty and I lay cuddled in bed enjoying the peace of the morning. Almost an hour ago, I had set up the Wii for the ghosts that were awake to play Just Dance. It was not a game I thought they would enjoy, but they took it up very quickly. I, along with everyone else, was surprised to find that Thor was very good at the game often getting 5 stars on his first try on every song. 

Even though she rarely played with them, the only person Thor could not beat was Hetty. She was always just a couple of points ahead. I had never seen Hetty enjoy herself more than when she finally got the hang of the game. At first, she complained that the music was horrible, but over time I have heard her humming the lyrics to the songs. Ofcourse I would never tell her this, this was a moment I’d keep to myself. 

“Have I told you how beautiful you are? Especially in the morning,” Hetty says placing a kiss on my forehead.

“Every morning since we’ve been together, but I will not tire of hearing it,” I say placing a kiss on her lips. Hetty greedily accepts the gesture. 

“Get up here,” Hetty says in a sultry voice as she moves to lay on her back and brings me on top of her to straddle her. 

“Hetty, everyone is up they could hear,” I say sitting up. My hands lay on her chest, and her hands began to caress my upper thighs.

“Well, maybe you should work on being more quiet,” Hetty teases. Hetty takes a moment to marvel at your beauty. Your positioning on the bed allows the light to cast around you almost like you have a halo around your body. “My personal angel” Hetty muses to herself. 

My giggles turn into whimpers, and soon my whimpers into soft moans.

“Quiet remember,” Hetty whispers in my ear, her grip on my thighs tightening. I nod biting my lip to keep silent. 

One of her hands continues its journey up your thigh and getting closer to the place I wanted…no, needed it most. 

“(Y/n), can you touch the Wii remotes again?” I hear Trevor ask through the door.

Hetty’s hand stops abruptly, and I slump against her in defeat. “Oh, so close,” I sigh to myself.

I sigh outwardly and Hetty chuckles, “You are going to have to give those boys a curfew on that game machine. No gaming hours that could interrupt our morning activities,” Hetty says letting me go, so I can get up. 

I quickly wrap myself in my silk robe, and look for my slippers which I quickly find near the door.

“Is this what parenting feels like?” I ask

“Honestly, I haven’t the slightest idea. I let the nanny take care of that aspect,” Hetty says waving off the question. 

I laugh as I slide on my slippers, “I love them, but I am almost at my wit's end being called. I’m about to push Riley or Nadine down the stairs so they can see everyone too.”

“That wouldn’t be the worst idea, how about Nadine?” Hetty asks a bit too eagerly. 

“Behave, Hetty. She is still my friend,” I reply

Hetty smirks to herself and turns to lie on her side. 

“Hurry back,” She says waving me away.

“Trust me I’m trying to,” I say leaving the room. 

I head towards the room with the Wii, and I’m met with Pete and Trevor waiting for me. I could almost laugh at the picture. 

“Oh, good morning!” You hear Pete say, “We hope you weren’t sleeping,”

“No she and Hetty were trying to get it on,” Trevor says making a gesture. 

“Trevor!” I say swatting his arm. I try to keep from laughing, as I blush from being found out. 

“What am I lying?” Trevor defends himself, “Honestly I do not blame them, Hetty and I-”

“Please spare me the details of what you and my girlfriend used to do,” I interrupt.

“Girlfriend? You two are using titles now?” Trevor asks. A grin spreads across before laughing, I even hear Pete chuckle a little bit. Trevor enjoys being able to tease you about something. 

“Oh no, I mean…where are those stupid remotes,” I say scanning the room. I spot the remotes on the couch. I grab them and give them to Pete and Trevor. Before leaving the room I touch the rest of the Wii remotes in case the other ghosts wake up and decide to play.

“ Hopefully that’ll buy me an hour...if we’re quick,” I tell myself.

 I hurry back to my room turning the sign on my door to do not disturb before entering. 

“Took you long enough,” Hetty says in mock boredom. 

“You are very impatient this morning,” I say crossing my arms. 

“I come from a time period of sexual repression, and of the 130 years I have been dead it was not until year 126 that I discovered my own sensuality via broken washing machine,” Hetty says in an unamused tone, “I have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Washing machine?” I ask. 

“Yes, a washing machine. Now lover, if you could please,” Hetty gestures for me to come back to bed. 

“Well since you asked so nicely,” I say untying my robe. 

I discard the robe at the door leaving me in my silk nightgown. Sauntering over to Hetty I try to keep a serious face, but I cannot help the smile that threatens to break. I reach the bed, and Hetty grabs a hold of my waist.

“Even when you are being silly, you make it sexy,” Hetty says, beginning to pepper my chest with kisses and making her way up to my neck. While I try to focus on the moment, I cannot help but think about what Trevor had said earlier. 

Hetty helps me back onto the bed and moves me to straddle her lap once more. Her lips resume their kissing but this time on my neck. I feel her teeth graze against my skin, but my mind is elsewhere. I barely offer an auditory acknowledgment of the gesture.

“Darling, when I said you had to be quiet, I did not mean statute silent,” Hetty mumbles against my skin noticing my lack of enthusiasm. 

“I am sorry Hetty, I’m just not in the mood anymore,” I say climbing off of her.

“What?! Why?!” Hetty whinged. 

 “I mean what happened? Is something wrong?” Hetty quickly corrects herself and sits up in bed trying to fight the pout forming on her lips. 

“When I left to go fix the remote situation. Trevor said something, and actually…do not worry about it. Forget I even said anything, I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast,” You close the door to the bathroom.

Hetty sits on the bed in disbelief. She hears the shower start to run, and she knows that the moment is ruined beyond repair. 

“I’m going to kill him,” Hetty says leaving the room on a mission, “Oh, Trevor!”

------

The rest of the morning and into the early afternoon goes by quickly as we all prepare the house for our New Year’s celebration. After a while, I head upstairs to take a nap. I tell Alberta that if they need anything to wake me up, and she sends me on my way telling me not to worry. 

“Hetty have you noticed (y/n), lately?” Flower asks. 

“I tend to notice her a lot,” Hetty says not knowing where Flower could be going with her impending line of questioning. 

“No like her complexion, she looks a little…different,”

“I hate to brag, but I might have something to do with that new glow she has been sporting,” Hetty smirks to herself. 

“No, Hetty not like that. She looks a bit pale and she has been more tired than usual. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed,” Flower says.

“Well it is the wintertime, and Sam and Jay always say they lose so much color in the winter. Maybe her trip to the beach will bring her back to life. Do not worry you’re pretty little head about,” Hetty says beginning to get worried herself. How could she not have noticed these changes, and she sleeps right next to you? 

“Worry about what?” Flower asks. 

——————-

Still thinking about what Flower said, Hetty begins to get even more worried and sets out to find you. After searching what seems to be the entire house, she finds you still asleep in your room. Hetty smiles softly to herself at the sight and comes over to brush your hair from your face. Hetty does notice that you do look a bit pale, but she tries to tell herself that it is due to the change in season. Hetty places a kiss on your forehead and leaves the room. Hetty wonders if she can get Alberta to ask the Alexa a couple of questions about your symptoms.

When I wake up from my nap, I groan and hold my head in my hands. I feel as if my head were about to split in two. I take a couple of steadying breaths before standing on my feet and going to the bathroom. I  rifle through the medicine cabinet to find some kind of medicinal relief. I gulp down a couple of pain pills with a glass of water, and I press the cold glass to my chest, now feeling a bit overheated. 

“I better not be getting sick,” I say out loud. I refill the glass and gulp down the rest of the water before heading downstairs. 

I am surprised to find that the entire house is quiet. I look around the house, and I finally find the ghosts huddled around the Alexa. 

“Hey guys, why so sneaky?” I ask the room. Everyone jumps at the sound of your voice not expecting you to be awake. 

“Nothing, we just wanted to settle a debate,” Alberta quickly says. 

“A debate? A debate about what?” My eyebrow quirks up as I cross my arms. I knew they were up to something, but I could not tell what. 

“If hotdog is just hotdog or if hotdog disguised as a sandwich,” Thor says quickly. Everyone looks at him, and he just shrugs. 

“Well, what did you find out?” I ask, playing along. 

“How about instead of quizzing us, we figure out how we are going to throw this New Year’s Eve party that you keep talking about,” Hetty says emerging from the group and to my side. 

“But Hetty,” I begin to say. 

“Ah ah ah, as Lady of the house, I demand we talk of party plans,” Hetty leaves the room, and I am sure I am expected to be behind her. 

“Is she always this bossy?” I ask them slowly making my way to the door.

Everyone nods while Trevor says, “In ways you can’t even imagine.”

“Shut up Trevor,” You hear Hetty say from the hallway.

-------

New Year’s morning

Hetty and I try to finish what we started yesterday morning, and we are off to a good start. The room is filled with soft sighs and moans. 

“My nape, kiss my nape,” Hetty begs. 

I do as told, and she arches her neck to allow me a tiny bit more access. I begin to urge Hetty onto her back. As soon as her head hits the pillows we hear my name being called…again. Hetty curses under her breath while I offer an apologetic look. Once again I do the same routine of adjusting my gown, tightening my robe, and putting on my slippers. 

“I’m getting blocked by ghosts, this has to be my worst nightmare,” Hetty groans. 

“Just imagine how Jay feels,” I laugh knowing this has likely happened to him on more than one occasion. 

“I’ll be back before you know it,” I say standing on my feet. I push myself off of the bed, and I bring a hand to my head to ward off the dizzy spell that just came on. The other hand grabbed the footboard of the bed. I stand still for a moment hoping that the room will stop spinning for one moment. 

“Darling, are you alright?” Hetty asks sitting up, ”(Y/n)!”

I try to answer her, but instead, I feel my knees collapse and I hit the ground.

——————-

I groan as I open my eyes, my head throbbing just a bit. I’m thankful the curtains are drawn to keep any bright light from entering the room. The only source of light comes from my desk lamp.

“Finally, you are awake. There is a glass of water next to your bed, dear. On your nightstand,” Hetty says softly. 

Without looking in her direction, I gulp the glass of water in one go. I set the glass back down on the nightstand, and I slowly sit up in bed against the pillows slowly.

“Maybe we need to convince Sam and Jay to add an extension to the house,” Hetty suggests. 

“I would still be called, Hetty,” I say holding out my hands. Hetty smiles to herself and comes over to me. 

“Well need to figure out how to extend this power of yours. I very much would like to have some interrupted time with you. As well as moments where you are not fainting because of what I assume is stress,” She says. 

“Hetty, you have plenty of uninterrupted time with me,”  I say adjusting my position a little. 

“Next time you are called, you are not answering,” Hetty says sitting on the edge of the bed next to me. She helps move the pillows to make me more comfortable. 

“Is that an order from the Lady of the House?” I ask.

“Yes, it is, and it would be wise for the heiress to heed that order,” Hetty replies 

“Hetty what if it’s an emergency?” I ask.

“Well Sam and Jay are back for a while, they will figure it out,” Hetty responds. 

We sit in silence for a moment before I speak up again.

“You are fretting dear,” I say. 

I see Hetty squint in disapproval, and I know I have hit a sore spot.

“You are having night terrors, you barely have an appetite, you are pale, and now you are fainting,” Hetty points out.

“Hetty I always have night terrors, some nights are just better than others. As for my appetite, I am just not hungry all the time. It just happens,” I brush of Hetty’s concern hoping that she would drop the subject soon. Then I remember this is Hetty, we will not be dropping this anytime soon. 

“I hope you know that I do not believe you. Even more so since you still have yet to explain the fainting,” Hetty says standing up. 

“Point proven,” I say to myself.

“It was one time! What can I say? I fall for your beauty every day,” I say hoping to lighten the mood. 

“This is serious!” Hetty declares.

“Fine. What is it that you would like me to do?” I ask crossing my arms. 

Hetty does the same, “I want you to go see a doctor.”

“Fine,” I say a bit exasperated. I’m in no mood to keep this going back and forth.

“You aren’t going to argue about it?” Hetty says a bit taken aback. 

“I would not call this an argument. Do you want to argue about it?” I questioned with a raised eyebrow. 

“No, you just have a stubborn streak. Therefore, I was expecting you to fight back a little,” Hetty says, her hand cradling my chin. She tilts my head up to meet her gaze. 

“Well, we could argue, as you say, or we could kiss which could lead to some other things. I think a little love may be the best medicine I can get,” I prompted.

Hetty laughs brushing my lips with her thumb before getting up and leaving the room. 

“What? So no kiss?” I sputtered. 

—-----

Over the next week, my headache does not get any better. Now that Sam and Jay have returned, I do not have to worry about being up and ready to work as much. After hearing of my condition, Riley and Nadine were more than happy to help cover my hours. 

Now I mainly lay in bed, and Hetty stays with me tending to my every need however she can. It is mainly her telling Sam that I need something, and then Sam bringing what was requested to me. 

“You seem to have quite the motherly instincts,” I say. 

“And if you tell anyone, I’ll cut your tongue out,” Hetty says. She continues to brush my hair.

“You wouldn’t, you like my tongue,” I say sticking my tongue out.

“Oh great, now you’ve gone delirious,” Hetty says no doubt rolling her eyes. Her arms wrap around me and sink back into her. I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of being wrapped in her arms.

“When do you have your appointment?” Hetty asks.

“Early tomorrow morning, Riley and Nadine are going to take me,” I respond.

Hetty hums in response. 

“I am worried about you,” Hetty says quietly. If I weren’t so close to her, I probably would not have heard it.

“I know,” I say.

“I do not want to lose you,” Hetty says. Her voice is a bit thick, and I can tell she is fighting back tears.

“You won't,” I replied kissing her hand, “I promise,”

————————

The next morning, I wake up feeling slightly better than in previous days. I find it unusual that Hetty is not awake with me, but I let her rest. She was probably up fretting over me all night anyway. I get ready, and before leaving I leave a kiss on Hetty’s head. I whisper an “I love you,” and smile when I get soft snores in response. I quietly leave the room, and head down the stairs. 

Riley already has my coat in hand ready for me to put it on. I slip into it, and Nadine helps to adjust the collar. 

“You two are acting like I’m dying or something,” You whisper trying to lighten the mood. 

They barely crack a smile, and I scoff. 

“Guys I am fine. We are going to get me checked out, and they are going tell me I am fine, and then we will come back and live a life so good it could be a sit-com,” I say, “Now let’s go before everyone else wakes up and looks at me like I am going off to war and never coming home,”

That causes a snort to leave Riley and Nadine to laugh softly. 

Riley offers to drive, and Nadine lets me sit in the back so I can sleep if I want to. The car starts, and I try to ignore the uneasy feeling that appears. I've had this feeling before, like a panic attack, but it feels way stronger this time. Instead of the usual impending sense of doom, I have an overwhelming sense that something horrible is about to happen.

“I’m fine,” I assure myself.

I take a steady breath, to calm myself.

As the car moves closer to the gate, I feel a build-up of energy. Almost like static electricity all over my body. My body begins to feel pulled almost as if I am being split in two different directions.

Then everything goes black.

-END-

[merrysithmas]

i really like reading your thoughts on "girl"! i was just wondering what you think might happen after paul passes? do you think people will start to examine the relationship between them as something more than just songwriting partners? i mean nothing really changed when yoko said john was bisexual (and some fans still don't believe it!). in my wildest dreams, paul's estate will drop a posthumous tell all book and we'll be left with so many questions lol.    

John himself said he was queer several times - I remember watching an interview with him when he was saying being an artist in a capitalist world requires money and that if he wasn't famous he'd need to have married "a rich old lady or man" to be a songwriter.

He also said he hooked up with Brian in Spain (Yoko confirmed he told the press they did "do it" and she was seemingly applauding his bravery in saying so).

Lennon remarked that he was "afraid of the fag in him" which made him act on his anger and set off his worst most fearsome temper explosions.

Also I think there was a few "tell alls" where past friends reported that he was open about his queerness & confirmed hooking up with Brian in frustration.

May Pang wrote that he told her he considered (lol) an affair with Paul. He spent two years in gay clubs in LA.

Yoko also confirmed he was bi (as far she she knew, maybe later on had he not been murdered he'd have identified as gay or pan).

Elton John said he and Lennon did "naughty" things together and laughed about said things with Sean, his godson. Julian Lennon did an interview where he said he "agreed" that John and Paul were in love during the Get Back film period.

Lennon also contributed a first-person poem the First Gay Liberation book.

Those are just the examples I can think of off the top of my head. He also seems to have had a relationship of some kind with Stu (conjecture) and an obvious-departed-from-platonic dynamic with Paul which is easily, easily an emotionally romantic affair at least (which isn't the half of it).

Anyone who denies his queerness does a great disservice to his memory & the incredible poignancy of his songs in this context during his time period. Artists have been reworking the lyrics and wording of their queer songs to appeal to an unaccepting general audience for commerciality FOREVER and to assume this was not done by Lennon, who is "confirmed" queer (if you needed to hear it from Yoko for it to be true to you) is truly delusion.

I think after Paul has left us people will feel more comfortable analyzing their relationship in a queer sense and I do think at some point it has likely been engineered that something to that effect will be officially announced or endorsed in some regard by their Estates (to generate continued moneymaking lol and interest and enigma). I feel like that's something that could happen, reasonably, after Yoko is gone and her hold on the Lennon narrative is diluted into Sean's POV & the McCartney family has the freedom to speculate or give their personal feelings on the life of their beloved father in retrospect. There's also the chance Paul could say something or leave something to that effect before he leaves us.

I feel like Paul would never say anything otherwise because John never got to endorse any release of their personal history before his tragic and senseless murder in a time period where being gay was still treated with such bigotry and cruelty (the 80s). I feel like Paul's great respect for Jane Asher and their relationship is a testament to this because he has never spoken about their relationship out of respect for her - for the exact reason that she has never spoke publically about it herself.

Paul is a pragmatic and private person and I feel like he knows the majority of the ignorant world isn't ready to hear the biggest band in human history was founded on teenaged homoromantic affection/gay love. But maybe one day, it will be.

This is speculation on my part but Paul also probably doesn't want Yoko to know anything because either she is willfully ignorant or John truly wasn't honest with her and Paul feels it's something she doesn't deserve to know - especially if it's something John kept private & only between he and Paul. It's something he always has that's over and beyond what Yoko and John had & he seems to treasure those specific things no matter what they are. Obviously... Paul still doesn't care for Yoko and he is probably extremely fatigued of the fact that she has been the managing agent & author of John's estate for 40 years (when in the late 70s she and John seemed on unsteady terms as per other parties) and then treated Julian with such disregard. Sean on the other hand seems to have grown to love Paul, but we'll see lol.

I also feel like Paul probably has a few "surprises" for Beatles fans lined up for after he and Ringo are gone - he just seems like that kind of person and wants the Beatles to continue on in great esteem for many many years to come.

thank you for your ask!!

[fefifofoggy]

The Marauders as The Soldier, Poet, King Meta

So, I don't know if anyone's ever thought about this song with the Marauders specifically. But as a sidenote I like listening to music on my way to classes and I ran across one of those 'and you were a fairy' playlists with the first song being The Soldier, Poet, King by The Oh Hellos.

Anyways it made me think of MWPP and which lyrics would represent who.

The King

I don't think that this comes as a surprise to anyone, but I feel James has this spot claimed. The ruler is the most important, he is the king. Everything he says or does can have either a negative or positive impact on the people and his subjects. It was a positive impact for his friends. They remember him in a good light, he can essentially do no wrong and if he does then it can always be explained away for this or that reason. He was the shining sun and the warmth that all the Marauders felt cocooned in. Prongs was their King.

“No, I think you’re like James,” said Lupin, “who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.”

James was protective and loved deeply those that were his. He was honorable, he had a very black and white view of the world from what we know of. The king who found nothing more dishonorable than not trusting his closest friends--the ones he became illegal animagi with, the ones he created a secret map with and the same ones that he went gallivanting through the woods under a full moon with.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy

(Yes, this is a reference to Christianity, to Jesus and his brow laid in thorns while put on the cross to die.)

But, I also like to think of it and how this would apply to James. There will come a ruler -- he and Lily are a part of a Prophecy; those who have thrice defied Voldemort, with a summer born child. A Prophecy that they go into hiding for, a Prophecy that could kill them. Yet, it wasn't the Prophecy that killed them, but a betrayal of trust.

The Poet

Sirius Black, the poet.

I feel that this might be contested--maybe a lot of people would think this is the role that Remus would slide into, since he already fits into dark academic aesthetic and fandom portrays him as a voracious reader. (Not to mention the way he talks and how he will weaponize his words)

But I think the Poet is Sirius Black.

There will come a poet Whose weapon is His word He will slay you with His tongue

Born and raised a pureblood to the House of Black, likely slotted to become the next head of his house after his father or grandfather. We see from Walburga's portrait during OoTP that she had a virulent tongue, a trait that Sirius inherited from her. We see it in the train car during their first meeting.

“Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” interjected Sirius.

Between MWPP, Sirius has always been the one to use his words to cut people the most.

“There’s enough filth on my robes without you touching them,” said Black.

Picking at people's hygiene, cleanliness, looks, abilities, or intellect--nothing is/was too far for Sirius.

“Before Wormtail wets himself from excitement.”

That's how he talks to a friend once he's gotten annoyed? What about his enemies? Or those he considers beneath him? (Which are typically those he doesn't find to be intellectually stimulating to him, as we've seen and a few other people on here have pointed out.)

More than half the time, Sirius' chosen weapon is his words. He is the type of character to point out flaws, weaknesses, things that he knows will hurt the most because he wants to make you bleed.

(And to think, these quotes aren't even some of the worst things he's said, I just couldn't find the quotes that I wanted and didn't want to leaf through my bookshelf.)

The Soldier

I know this will most definitely be an unpopular opinion, but I couldn't decide between Peter or Remus as the soldier. So, I put them both in this section, but I am more partial to Peter.

Remus as the soldier because of his status as a werewolf.

There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword

His lycanthropy is his sword, and he is one of Dumbledore's soldiers because of his ability to enter werewolf rings as a spy. It's a heavy burden but one that (as Lupin says) only he can bear.

But that is two of three lines, and he doesn't quite fit the soldier role to me.

Peter does, however.

Sure, he's not a brave soldier, the one that movies are made about--and he doesn't have a strong sense of wanting to fight for the little guy.

But he is still a soldier. The soldier who joined because his friends signed up for a war and he didn't want to be alone. The soldier who thought that maybe, just maybe, he could cruise on throughout the war because he's not particularly useful or strong or politically important in any way. He's just another foot soldier.

Until he is important, and he realizes that he doesn't want to die. He's fresh out of school, he followed his friends into a war because maybe they convinced him (or he convinced himself) that this would be a summer thing or a couple years at most and it'll make for a decent story for his future kids or grandkids when he can say, "Yeah, I fought in the war--on the winning side."

But then he is faced with a choice: living as a turncoat or dying.

Nobody wants to die. Certainly not Peter who is barely in his twenties at this point. He hasn't lived. Didn't have a girlfriend, wasn't married like James was. Did he even want to get married? What if he wanted to travel the world?

We don't know.

So, spying? On his friends, on his comrades, on people who look him in the eye and think they can trust him. And it turns out that Peter is kind of good at it. He's remained undetected for a while. Hell, Sirius thinks its Remus and Remus thinks its Sirius. Nobody ever suspects Peter.

After all, why would they? It's not like he's ever been anything more than a coward, right? James and Sirius' tagalong. Peter couldn't hurt a fly, not when he was the fly.

There will come a soldier Who carries a mighty sword He will tear your city down

First his sword was his secret as a spy.

Then he becomes a Secret Keeper. The Secret Keeper.

A Fidelius Charm was advanced magic. Voldemort could make out with the Potter's living room window and still not know they were on the other side, unless--

Unless someone with the key to the city let him in.

Tearing a city down had never been easier.

[falloutboylyricss]

Fall Out Boy and Questions

note: this is a list of lyrics that are questions themselves, not ones that contain the word "question"

Evening Out With Your Girlfriend

"But that's none of my business, is it?" - Pretty In Punk

"Knocking boots in the back, how degrading is that?" - Pretty In Punk

"How's the weather up there?" - Short, Fast, And Loud

"Where can I go when I want you around but I can't stand to be around you?" - Moving Pictures

Take This to Your Grave

"Where is your boy tonight? I hope he is a gentleman" - Grand Theft Autumn / Where Is Your Boy

"Are you through with me? / So, and when it all goes to hell, will you be able to tell me sorry with a straight face?" - The Patron Saint of Liars and Fakes

From Under The Cork Tree

"Why don't you show me the little bit of spine you've been saving for his mattress?" - Dance, Dance

"Am I more than you bargained for yet?" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

"Is this more than you bargained for yet?" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

"Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him?" - Sugar, We're Goin' Down

"Can I lay in your bed all day?" - Nobody Puts Baby In The Corner

"Are we growing up or just going down?" - Sophomore Slump Or Comeback Of The Year

"They say, 'You want a war? You've got a war,' but who are you fighting for?" - Champagne For My Real Friends, Real Pain For My Sham Friends

"She said, she said, she said, 'Why don't you just drop dead?'" - A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

"So say, what are you waiting for? Kiss her, kiss her" - A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

"Write me off, give up on me, 'cause, darling, what did you expect?" - A Little Less Sixteen Candles, A Little More "Touch Me"

"Why put a new address on the same old loneliness?" - Get Busy Living Or Get Busy Dying (Do Your Part To Save The Scene And Stop Going To Shows)

"'What did it ever do for me?', I say" - XO

"Which came first, the music or the misery?" - The Music Or The Misery

"And did you hear the news? I could dissect you and gut you on this stage" - My Heart Is The Worst Kind Of Weapon

Infinity on High

"Wouldn't you rather be a widow than a divorcee?" - "The Take Over, The Breaks Over"

"How cruel is the golden rule when the lives we lived are only golden-plated?" - Golden

"'Who does he think he is?'" - Thnks fr th Mmrs

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? (title only)

"Got postcards from my former selves saying, 'How you been?'" - The Carpal Tunnel Of Love

"I am God's gift, but why would he bless me with such wit without a conscience equipped?" - Fame < Infamy

"Baby boy can't lift his headache head, isn't it tragic?" - You're Crashing, But You're No Wave

"Do you remember the way I held your hand under the lamp post and ran home this way, so many times I could close my eyes?" - I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers

Folie à Deux

"Why, why, why won't the world revolve around me?" - America's Suitehearts

"Does your husband know the way that the sunshine gleams from your wedding band? / Does he know the way? Does he know the way of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?" - Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

"It's a sign, what if you peaked early?" - Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

"Does he know the way I worship our love?" - Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet

"So when the world ends, will God go down with it?" - What A Catch, Donnie

"Are all the good times getting gone?" - 27

"Oh, freckle, freckle, what makes you so special? What makes you so special?" - w.a.m.s.

"And mama, if we pray to the Lord, does he sing on a stage?" - w.a.m.s.

"Have you ever wanted to disappear and join a monastery, go out and preach on Manic Street? / Who will I be when I wake up next to a stranger on a passenger plane?" - 20 Dollar Nose Bleed

Save Rock And Roll

"Hey youngblood, doesn't it feel like our time is running out?" - The Phoenix

"I don't know where you're going, but do you got room for one more troubled soul?" - Alone Together

"Do you wanna feel beautiful? Do you wanna?" - Alone Together

"Woah, where did the party go?" - Where Did The Party Go

"Did you trip down twelve steps into Malibu? / So why the hell is there a light that's keeping us forever? / Bel Air baby, did you get dressed up?" - The Mighty Fall

"Americana, exotica, do you wanna feel a little beautiful, baby?" - Young Volcanoes

"Are you ready for another bad poem?" - Rat A Tat

"How'd it get to be only me?" - Save Rock And Roll

PAX AM Days

"Miss me? Me, love? Mr. Superstar" - Eternal Summer

"What if it were all a dream? What if we were demigods?" - Demigods

"What if we grow like a weed?" - Demigods

American Beauty/American Psycho

"Don't you know that the kids aren't al-, kids aren't alright?" - The Kids Aren't Alright

"Did you ever love her? Do you know? Or did you never want to be alone?" - Jet Pack Blues

"Don't you remember how we used to split a drink?" - Jet Pack Blues

"And I'm starting to forget just what summer ever meant to you, what did it ever mean to you?" - Fourth Of July

"Do you, do, do you remember when we drove, we drove, drove through the night and we danced, we danced to Rancid?" - Favorite Record

MANIA

"Are you smelling that shit?" - Stay Frosty Royal Milk Tea

"You were too good to be true, gold-plated, but what's inside you?" - The Last Of The Real Ones

"Confidants but never friends, were we ever friends?" - HOLD ME TIGHT OR DON'T

"And in the end, if I don't make it on the list, would you sneak me a wristband? / Would you give me, give me, give me, give me a boost, a boost over Heaven's gate?" - Heaven's Gate

So Much (For) Stardust

"What would you trade the pain for?" - Love From The Other Side / So Much (For) Stardust

"Is there a word for bad miracle?" - Heartbreak Feels So Good

"But could we please pretend this won't end?" - Heartbreak Feels So Good

"Who am I dialing tonight? That's a bummer" - Hold Me Like a Grudge

"Do you laugh about me whenever I leave, or do I just need more therapy?" - Fake Out

"Baby, please, would you read my eulogy?" - Heaven, Iowa

"Tell me, when the party ends, will you still love who I am?" -Heaven, Iowa

"Oh God, kinda please, would you kill me now?" - Flu Game

"What is there between us, if not a little annihilation?" - Baby Annihilation

"I got the quarantine blues, bad news, what's left?" - What a Time To Be Alive

Misc.

"Why can you read me like no one else?" - It's Not A Side Effect Of The Cocaine, I Am Thinking It Must Be Love

"What good comes of something when I'm just the ghost of nothing, nothing?" - "From Now On We Are Enemies"

"Lunatic of a god or a god of a lunatic?" - "From Now On We Are Enemies"

"When they say, 'You and what army?', I guess they're talking about you and me, baby" - Bob Dylan

"Would you bury me next to Johnny Cash?" - Bob Dylan

"So what fates do we share?" - Bob Dylan

[freakinator]

I see a lot of Will Wood songs as Red-coded (and half of it is because I just think C!Red would like that music) so I'm very curious on why you think a lot of Will Wood songs are Kab-coded especially Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

okay so i dont actually listen to will wood that much so im just gonna list the songs that i Have listened to

warning this is really long like Really long, i may have forgotten stuff from past streams, i talk about several things such as mental illness in a symbolic sense rather than directly engaging with the message, and theres a bit of surface-level buddhism there as well

part 1 cause i exceeded the image limit lol

starting off with Hand Me My Shovel, I'm Going In!

aside from the running theme of psychology which kab is Very fond of, kab has a recurring problem of doing something objectionable only to have her not remember it the next day whether genuinely (hashtag adhd) or as a manipulation tactic (deliberately acting as though she doesnt remember parts of her conversations with zam one moment only to mock him for it the next) she also has a recurring problem of refusing to take the blame and directing it to something or someone else (mainly the accuser) for things she doesnt feel guilty doing that are objectively her fault (such as deliberately killing planet)

she had (possibly still has, still need to see what she does after the zam stream today) a desire for getting worse (being evil is not the same thing as getting worse btw, i would say before this stream going evil Was kab getting worse but after the stream today going evil is actually her getting better. i suppose i define getting worse as "doubling down" rather than any conventional sense of the word) which is something that she wanted to drag zam down with her as well after the consequences streams before she accepted the fact that she cares about him with her thoughts regarding him fitting the lyrics on these parts the desire to get worse originates from her desire to prove something, to other ppl yes but mostly to herself -- she feels the need to get worse because she feels the need to protect herself but feels as if the only way to do so is by being the most untrustworthy and manipulative person on the server and she keeps feeling the need to hold onto it tightly despite the fact that it has ruined her reputation, her quality of life, and her relationships because she feels as though it (and clown) are the only things she truly has on the server

in this part the genius annotation explains my thoughts well

Laplace’s Angel (Hurt People? Hurt People!)

in this part i think it connects well with how she felt from the start of the server up to the box arc the first two lines taken literally in regards to mane killing her, the red betrayal, and the woogie arguments and taken symbolically to represent her very intense trust issues that left her disconnected not only to her team but the rest of the players as well the later two lines is in regards to how her relationship with team mice went, at first she felt as though she carried the team in many ways even when it was hard for her, even when she felt as though it wasnt worth it, she kept trucking on until she couldnt take it anymore and decided she was gonna betray as soon as all pretenses collapse and clown offers to ally with her. but when red betrayed her first? she collapsed and threw everything away: her relationships, her former goals, and even her interactions with the entire server

in these parts i think it fits with her initial thoughts about the server which was reinforced by mane and red killing her: everyone is evil, everyone sucks, this is normal and natural and there is no way around it and trying to go agaainst it by being tender and vulnerable will only hurt you so i should become the worst mfer out there so i can never be hurt ever again

karma and her relationship with revenge

its so funny how this one lyric is so isolated from the other verses and choruses cause i think that fits kabs character very well: she wants help desperately but shes far too alone and resistant to other ppl to truly ever receive some for the things she actually needs help with

this is her basically every yap session shes had with zam (esp the 4th part lol)

Cotard’s Solution (Anatta, Dukkha, Anicca)

starting with the title, im not buddhist and have forgotten basically everything i learned about it so this may not be as nuanced as id like but nonetheless its connected to why i associate it with kab anatta - without self dukkha - dissatisfaction brought about by desires and attachment anicca - impermanence and eventual decay in buddhism we are trapped in samsara aka the endless cycle of birth, death, and rebirth brought about by anicca and avidya (ignorance) which brings with it dukkha, to achieve nirvana or permanence/freedom from samsara you must realize anatta and relinquish all desire and attachment in a lser context its very similar to the concept of the cycles and the worldenders but rather than trying to achieve anatta in order to reach nirvana they are instead trying to ensure that samsara keeps continuing, every apocalypse has been done with the knowledge that they can not only start over but that they Should start over, repeating the cycle all over again and actively denying nirvana because to acieve nirvana, emptiness, peace, goes against the very nature of lifesteal itself in a kab context (i will be ignoring how she uses karma cause its far more rigid, reliant on one person, and material-based than the buddhist definition of karma is, the consequences naturally brought about by the server is a far better demonstration of karma while kabs definition of karma would far better fit the concept of social justice instead) she has a lot of trouble with impermanence and attachment, with a much stronger fear of death compared to a lot of other players and having such severe trust issues that it genuinely makes her fear making attachments as it could possibly be used against er in some way. she also has a lot of trouble with her sense of self: constantly denying what she wants, always throwing plots and selves at the wall to see which one wold stick, which one would give her what she wants, which ones would keep her safe, resulting in her often having wants that are severely incongruous to what she needs not much to say from the cotards side of the title cause aside from her being one of the more paranoid and death-fearing members of the server she doesnt really have much of a "walking corpse" quality to her and i associate that part entirely with zam lol (honestly i associate this song with zam more in general as in he fits every line while kab doesnt fit certain verses lol)

i think this reflects her uncertainty with the server brought about by a visceral fear of death very well, she fears that doing the wrong thing will cause her to get punished, severely. the lost two lines in the first image in particular i think fit very well with her box arc

yet another part that i think summarizes her convos with zam lmao

Mr. Capgras Encounters a Secondhand Vanity: Tulpamancer’s Prosopagnosia/Pareidolia (As Direct Result of Trauma to the Fusiform Gyrus)

capgras delusion - delusional misidentification, commonly comes in the form of believing that someone close to you has been replaced by an indentical copy, there have also been cases where patients believe that time has been warped in some manner, aggression is common towards the perceived replacement prosopagnosia - a condition wherein you cant recognize faces/facial expressions pareidolia - pattern recognition of familiar objects in unrelated items such as faces in stains fusiform gyrus - a part of the frontal lobe with an unknown function that is directly linked to recognition kab sees the current her in past zam and vice versa in addition to all the traits they already have in common. kab also constantly reminds zam of joker while zam constantly picks and prods at kab until she becomes honest with him. theres also the fact that kab constantly misinterprets zam and the fact that zam does not like it when ppl remind him of himself due to the subject matter, the song has a running theme of fakery and replacement and indeed kab and zam are constantly questioning each other whether it be to gather information or to just figure out whats up with the other, trying to figure out what are the lies and what are the truths about the other with zam trying to remove kabs many masks and kab trying to reach deep withing zam, trying to find joker or whatever inner evil she seems to think he has

typical kab and zam behaviour honestly

Dr. Sunshine is Dead

honestly the whole song could be taken to metaphorically show kabs journey into adapting to lifesteals brutality

the song starts in media res with the singer character already having adjusted to the dark and fearful of sunshine but still unsure of themself, paranoid of shadows despite the fact that they were already in a dark room to begin with which fits kabs character whos already used to "eviller" smps but has yet to experience the horror that is being on lifesteal so although she already had a natural suspicion of kindness she nonetheless tried to seek it out despite herself only to find that the other lsers were already, in her own words, "broken" and "bitter" she constantly projects herself upon other ppl cause she sees the same patterns that shes done herself but with no context for why they act the way they do, assuming that its simply how the way they work whether by nature or nurture, which is reinforced not only by lifesteals very own reputation but also by the dramatic collapse of team mice -- an event that was theoretically avoidable but was realistically inevitable thanks to their backgrounds and personalities and already present lack of trust

i think this takes place after the mane and red killings she doesnt want to be boxed in and yet does so to herself both literally by imprisoning herself into an an obsidian box that contain reminders of her past and not allowing herself to get out of the box unless she was absolutely alone, and unintentionally metaphorically by not only defining her goals in relationship to someone else (woogie, red, and zam, not yet mane cause shes still too scared at this point) and seemingly being so tunnelvisioned to her goal that she misses many meaningful interactions between herself and the other ppl on the server

this is after she left the box zam wasnt there for her so she aligned herself with wemmbu and joined what would eventually become the california girls despite the fact that she hates wemmbu, shes gained Some confidence from teaming with who is arguably the servers most wanted and has decided to fully give in to her malice, basically going on her own joker arc, assuming the worst of everyone according to her intuition, and denying both to others and herself the fact that deep down inside shes still as scared as she was the day that mane killed her this is also when she starts moving mane up her list of priorities as hes not only the most active of his targets but hes also the one who keeps going after her

the same dilemma as the previous chorus except this time its fully metaphorical and intentional, she boxes other ppl in because its what she thinks is truth (her mind can only be changed if she was already unsure in the first place, otherwise she takes her knowledge as absolute truth), and she boxes herself in cause its what she wants-- or rather what she Thinks she wants, she wants to be evil but she still cares so when she starts targetting zam her facade starts to crumble

this is when kab keeps going after zam, finding that hes the only one left on the server who would not only listen to her but also not kill her kab heavily relies on her psychological analysis, intelligence, and willingness to play dirty due to the fact that its her only real weapon and when youre in a server like lifesteal its very important that youd have Some way of arming yourself so she uses it as often as possible shes become extremely cynical at this point and does not think she has anyone she can truly rely on except for clown... who hasnt logged on the server in months she keeps going after zam cause really what else is there to do? shes a psychological analyzer and she cant do that if nobody is willing to listen to her and may even kill her so she goes after zam cause she wants to be evil but would be unable to deal with the consequences of going after someone more willing to kill than him the whole time shes wearing not just one but several masks and yet zam manages to keep seeing past them so she unmasks her again and again and she doesnt like that and yet she got attached cause not only did he see past her and not only has he been relentlessly attacked by several ppl over and over again but hes also been Nice to her and it scares her cause Nice only means trouble so she tries to look for the evil within him: joker and yet despite that he keeps managing to see past her and her mask crumbles more and more, and she becomes stuck in between her wants and needs, her desires and fears, her mask and her real self, she wants to be evil So badly but she cares and she cant help caring and she cant deny it anymore shes unable to go back to who she once was

this is when she starts truly reevaluating herself, what she wants, and what she needs she realizes that she does not know nearly enough about the server to have her methods work, at least to the same extent as the other smps shes been in and that she needs to do a reevalutaion shes not trying to box herself in anymore, she realizes now that ultimately its not what she really wants so she decides she wants to try to bridge the gap made bwtween her mask and her true self with karma, a way to be the caring person she knows she is but still indulging in that malice she wants to foster and still heavily immersed in that ultimately bitter view of the server and way of living

despite everything shes still kab and shes still scared, whatever happens next happens next