#i rehearsed this duet with a classmate back in the day but we never got to perform in anywhere

[weirdlizard26]

i love music. btw. if you even care at all

[troped-fanfic-challenge]

Chopped: Holiday Trope Exchange 2020 Masterlist!

A huge thanks to every person who signed up for our fic exchange, we got 21 really wonderful fics! We’re sorry it took us so long to get this out to you all! For anyone who isn’t sure what this was all about, this was a double blind gift exchange where each of our twenty-one (21!!!) writers were assigned four tropes from an anonymous recipient, and were tasked with writing a fic that fit our holiday theme, and included all the tropes. The only guidance from their recipient were a couple of brief notes they included during the sign up, and both the writer and recipient were revealed when we shared all the fics! A big thanks to the Tropesters who stepped up to write a second fic when we needed them! These fics, as with all our TROPED fics, were creative and unique, and found ways to utilise tropes that may seem so simple but were transformed in really spectacular ways! Please enjoy these wonderful holiday fics!

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roots in my dreamland (my house of stone, your ivy grows) (Rated M) [Bellarke]

Written by @captaindaddykru for @thelittlefanpire. The four assigned tropes were 1) Doppelgängers, 2) one character is a dancer, 3) first snow, and 4) kissing to keep a cover/a secret.

Summary: Clarke really wants it to work out with Bellamy, but as an A-list Hollywood actress there’s a lot of contractual obligations she can hide behind instead of confronting her own insecurities and past mistakes. Luckily, this Christmas she’s lucked out, and her stand-in Josie is more than willing to (completely selflessly of course) take her place.

Now comes the hard part.

brighter than moonbeams (Rated T) [Memori]

Written by @the-most-beautiful-broom for @thedefinitionofendgame. The four assigned tropes were 1) The characters play a game,2) Secret Santa, 3) Exes to Lovers, and 4) Surprise kiss.

Summary: Murphy and Emori fall in love fast, and then talk themselves out of it. Years later, their paths will cross again, and they realize that their might be parts of their story that are yet to be written.

What a way to start the year (Rated T) [Bellarke]

Written by @bellarkeshoe for @bellamysgriffin. The four assigned tropes were 1) Law enforcement partners, 2) Character gets BADLY injured and they hide it somehow only to reveal later that they are mortally wounded, 3) Characters hugging after they’ve been through hell, and 4) Kissing in the snow.

Summary: It’s New Years Eve, and Bellamy and Clarke got stuck working.

It’s Alright, It’s Okay (Rated M) [Clurphy]

Written by @sailawaymayday for @wwjacksparrowd. The four assigned tropes were 1) Found Family, 2) Groundhog Day/timeloop, 3) Character gets shot/stabbed/BADLY injured and hides the wound somehow, only to accidentally (someone else touches them and their bleeding, they collapse, etc.) reveal later that they are mortally wounded, and 4) Hurt/Comfort.

Summary: Clarke makes it onto the Ring with the rest of Spacekru. What happens when New Years Eve keeps repeating itself? And what does Murphy have to do with it?

Dancing in Graveyards: An Arkadia Anthology (Rated T) [Gen Fic]

Written by @justbecauseyoubelievesomething for @kinetic-elaboration. The four assigned tropes were 1) Small town gothic, 2) Christmas Lights, 3) First snow, and 4) Sneaking someone in/out of your window.

Summary: Three small town gothic stories intertwine as old friends reunite and try to make the best out of their lives. Raven returns home after her foster father’s death and is pulled like a magnet to her enigmatic highschool sweetheart. Jasper seeks solace from a tragedy and desperately attempts to outrun the ghosts of the past. Bellamy battles his inner demons and prays not to tear himself and his loved ones apart in the process. And all of them come to realize that they belong together, even if the place they call home is shadowed by sorrow.

do or die, you’ll never make me (because the world will never take my heart) (Rated T) [Bellarke]

Written by @shen-gong-oops for @probably-voldemort. The four assigned tropes were 1) Fake dating, 2) Amnesia AU, 3) Enemies to Friends to Lovers, and 4) Superhero AU.

Summary: As the youngest member of the Guard and the daughter of the Guard former leader, there are high expectations set for Clarke. The Marketing and PR teams at Ark expecting her to be prim and proper during any conferences, while simultaneously performing their well-rehearsed fight choreography to a T.

But when four unknown supes challenge the juggernaut that is Ark Industries, Clarke wonders if herodom isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Merry Christmas, Lovebirds (Rated G) [Murven]

Written by @kinetic-elaboration for @shen-gong-oops. The four assigned tropes were 1) One character cautiously says “i’m going to kiss you now, okay?” or some variation of that, 2) Mutual pining, 3) A misunderstanding, and 4) Tattoos.

Summary: There’s never snow for Christmas on the beach, Murphy is a culinary genius, Raven has a boyfriend, and other presumed facts, too obvious to mention.

Once Upon Our Story (Rated G) [Bellarke]

Written by @andthelightbulbclicks for @bellamythology. The four assigned tropes were 1) break-up/make-up, 2) Did they or didn’t they, 3) Extremely biased flashbacks of the same event, and 4) Bookstore or library AU.

Summary: Bellamy returns with as much fanfare as one can imagine when driving a school bus decorated as Santa Claus through town, leaving Clarke shocked and all of their friends confused given he hasn’t been home in months.

(Or: Six months ago, Bellamy left Arkadia.

Six months ago, Clarke didn’t.

Six months ago, their friends knew the relationship ended, even came up with their own versions of what really happened. But the question that they all want to know for certain– is why?)

Dream A Little Dream of Me (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @queenemori for @vmreed. The four assigned tropes were 1) One character has a child, 2) Protectiveness, 3) Only one bed, and 4) Soulmates.

Summary: It was just Murphy’s luck that right as he was starting to enjoy Earth, he had to leave. But he’d rather that than succumb to a fiery death wave. He and the other residents of the Ring remembered Clarke every year during their New Year’s Eve celebration. But even when they weren’t celebrating Clarke, Murphy couldn’t seem to get her off his mind. He wished his brain would stop playing tricks on him by making him think she was alive. Clarke was dead. Wasn’t she?

i don’t wanna burn out, so wont you please set me on fire again? (Rated M) [Murven]

Written by @kuklash for @sparklyfairymira. The four assigned tropes were 1) Protectiveness, 2) Exes and Lovers, 3) Small Town AU, and 4) Characters fall on each other and have a moment.

Summary: The wind nipped at Murphy’s nose as he stood in the doorway of the gas station on the edge of town. Work was slow, as it always was after sundown, especially in the mid-December cold, but someone had to make sure the good townsfolk of Arkadia could get their milk and gas after the small general store closed. All 800 of them. He watched the cars drive by throughout the day, recognizing each and everyone of them. Bellamy’s beat up truck he worked all highschool to afford, Clarke’s clean new sedan, even that jerk Finn’s loud ass motorcycle. He watched them all pass one by one, his old classmates returning home after another semester of college at the University of Polis. The only sign that time was passing at all.

The phone inside rang, breaking him out of his melancholy, at least for now.

“Great,” he thought, sarcastically. “A phone call 10 minutes before we close.”

He walked back inside and put on the most cheerful customer service voice he could muster.

“Dropship Gas, this is Murphy. How can I he-”

A familiar female voice cut him off, leaving him cold.

“Murphy? Thank god!”

It was his ex.

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you (Rated M) [Bellarke]

Written by @sparklyfairymira for @captaindaddykru. The four assigned tropes were 1) Celebrity AU, 2) Meet Ugly, 3) Characters must share something, and 4) Characters aren’t together but are mistaken to be.

Summary: Bellamy Blake and Clarke Griffin are household names thanks to their music. They belong to the same label so they often work together on duets—even though they can’t stand one another. Their first meeting is disastrous and six years later they still can’t get along.

toward brighter days (Rated T) [Sea Mechanic]

Written by @reggieshamster for @/ashplana. The four assigned tropes were 1) Apocalyptic Log, 2) bed sharing, 3) road trip au, and 4) mythical creatures.

Summary: Dear Harper,

I am ridiculously out of it this morning. Last night, when we reached the campsite, Luna suggested we give Echo her own bedroll, since she gave hers up the night before.

Which meant Luna was sleeping with me.

Beside me.

Excerpts from Raven’s journal as she travels to Polis for the Winter Solstice Festival

three words, two hearts, one maybe (Rated G) [Bellarke]

Written by @bellamysgriffin for @bellarkeshoe. The four assigned tropes were 1) Youtuber AU, 2) best friend’s sibling, 3) frikdreina, and 4) miscommunication.

Summary: After an accident blinds Clarke, Octavia’s been encouraging her best friend to keep up with her artwork. In order to inspire her, she recruits the help of her older brother, Bellamy, who’s recently launched a new exhibition at his museum, to feature her work. Bellamy likes Clarke’s work, and he’s more than happy to help. But when she doesn’t show on the big day, he takes matters into his own hands. With an old video camera, he records people’s reactions to Clarke’s artwork so that she’ll know just how talented she is. But when he sends it to his sister, he doesn’t expect her to upload it to YouTube. And he definitely doesn’t expect to go viral.

Something Beautiful, Simple, and Bright (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @wwjacksparrowd for @queenemori. The four assigned tropes were 1) Friends with Benefits AU, 2) Prank war, 3) characters are not together but are mistaken for a couple, and 4) Based on a Song.

Summary: Six months after Wonkru and Eligius manage to establish peace and divide Eden between themselves (with a little slice shaved off for Spacekru, of course), Clarke has a mission: plan a New Year’s Eve party for fifteen hundred people within three weeks.

Murphy’s mission? Stop her from burning out in the process. Oh, and if he could just get Monty to quit it with the freaking noisemakers, that would be great, too.

(…Okay, yeah, he’d also like to date Clarke for real instead of just sleeping with her. But that’s a pipe dream, right?)

put your faith in the devil and the deep blue sea (Rated M) [Clurphy]

Written by @probably-voldemort for @kuklash. The four assigned tropes were 1) Time Loop AU, 2) Characters fall on top of one another and have a “moment”, 3) Enemies to Lovers, and 4) Superhero AU.

Summary: Twenty years ago, when the clocks changed from 11:59pm on December 31st, 1999, to 12:00am on January 1st, 2000, the world ended, exactly as the doomsdayers had predicted. Now, there are only a few livable months left on Earth, and the privileged are evacuating for a life in space, abandoning the planet.

But not everyone has given up.

Clarke was only three when the world ended, and she’s spent most of her life in her mother’s lab. Now, as the last space ships are preparing to leave, her mother’s machine is finally ready, and Clarke and her mother are heading back in time to try to stop the apocalypse from happening in the first place.

An attack on the lab leads to Clarke heading back to 1995 on her own, and the past isn’t quite how Clarke’s vague memories from the beginning of her life paint it. Clarke soon discovers that not only did the machine do more than just send her back in time, but she wasn’t, in fact, sent back alone.

Will she be able to stop the apocalypse before the clock strikes midnight? Or are some parts of history unchangeable?

All I Want For Christmas (Rated T) [Memori]

Written by @thedefinitionofendgame for @the-most-beautiful-broom. The four assigned tropes were 1) Fake dating, 2) Joke kiss turned real kiss, 3) One character is sleeping and the other character is watching them totally in love, and 4) Blanket fort.

Summary: Tired of being single, Murphy decides to take matters into his own hands and get himself a girlfriend before the annual Christmas Day dinner with his friends. Having had bad luck in the past with girls - all twenty four of them - Murphy is determined to make the twenty-fifth, the “Christmas Day” number, his forever.

Of course, this is easier said than done. When his fellow coworker, Emori, seems to be having similar problems and suggests them being each other’s “fake dates” to their Christmas parties in December, Murphy jumps at the chance. Fake dating is better than being totally alone, right? It appears that way, at least until Murphy starts to catch feelings; the ones that make you question everything you think you know. As their “fake feelings” start to become more real, Murphy realizes that Emori’s the one he wants for Christmas. But she’s got walls up and even though his heart doesn’t stand a chance, Murphy’s determined to break them down and show her what falling in love really means, maybe with the help of a little December magic thrown in.

As long as we’re together, no I can’t get much higher (Rated T) [Murven]

Written by @dylanobrienisbatman for @andthelightbulbclicks. The four assigned tropes were 1) Zookeeper AU, 2) Treasure Hunt, 3) secret places, and 4) Secret Santa.

Summary: Murphy has only known Raven for a little while, but the longer he spends getting to know her, the more he realises that there’s no hope of him not falling in love with her.

So when he gets her for Secret Santa, he makes it his mission to nail it.

before i knew you (Rated G) [Clexa]

Written by @dylanobrienisbatman for @sailawaymayday. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Pen Pals, (2) 3+1, 4+1, 5+1, etc., (3) surprise kiss, and (4) character meets another characters ex.

Summary: What do you do when your penpal, the person you know the best in the world, who you love, turns out to be the rather rude (if also rather pretty) sales girl from downstairs? Lexa is about to find out. or - 3 times lexa and clarke meet without knowing they’ve been penpals since childhood, and the 1 time Lexa figures it out.

when life gives you shit, you make kool-aid (Rated M) [Becho]

Written by @reggieshamster for @dylanobrienisbatman. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Bodyguard AU, (2) Bed Sharing, (3) Kissing to Keep Cover/a Secret, and (4) a Character gets shot/stabbed/badly injured and they collapse, being caught by their loved one.

Summary: Bellamy used to have it all, and then one screw-up cost him his career and his fancy life. Now, working as a bodyguard for alcoholic businessmen and their families, he gets a call from his sister for a job… escorting a hitwoman to testify against a man convicted of crimes against humanity. What could possibly go wrong?

and left the secret at the grave (Rated T) [Clurphy]

Written by @probably-voldemort for @justbecauseyoubelievesomething. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Murder Mystery, (2) Partners in Crime, (3) Exes to Lovers, and (4) Snowed In.

Summary: At 8:57 on the morning of December 23rd, eight year old Jordan Green discovered the body of Skybox Inn owner Vera Kane on the floor of the lobby. His screams woke up the other guests of the inn, as well as the live-in butler.

The discovery of the body was followed shortly by two more discoveries. The first was that the storm the night before had knocked out the phones and the internet, and the second was that the inn was completely snowed in with no hopes of escape anytime soon.

Thirteen people trapped in an inn.

Uncountable secrets.

One murderer.

One question.

Who killed Vera Kane?

what a tangled string of Christmas lights we weave (Rated T) [Linctavia]

Written by @thelittlefanpire for @reggieshamster. The four assigned tropes were: (1) Royalty AU, (2) Cyrano AU, (3) Characters fall and end up landing on top of each other and have a “moment”, and (4) Hair brushing and/or braiding.

Summary: When the royal family loses their beloved Prince Wells, the future king of Arkadia, all eyes are on them. The Queen remains as stoic as ever, the Spare grapples with his new responsibilities, the Princess drowns in her grief, and the King is threatening to abolish the monarchy forever.

At Christmastime, as tensions in the palace rise with the vicious tabloids outside, the royal family makes an escape to a castle in the mountains, hoping to find solace and reconcile with their loss.

Princess Octavia will try to mend her broken heart back together as she becomes entranced with the letters sent back and forth between herself and another. But when it’s revealed who the true penman is, will she rise above her sorrow or sink further into it?

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Take a read! Leave a kudos/comment! Our Tropesters worked so hard on creating some unique, festive fun fics from all the amazing tropes that were sent in. Thanks again!

[jestjames]

📝it all began tonight

WHO: Rachel Berry ( @shining-starlet ) and Jesse St. James.

WHAT: Rachel and Jesse rehearse Tony and Maria’s first kiss, and the Mess begins...

WHERE: NYU’s auditorium.

WHEN: Wednesday, 8th April.

TRIGGERS?: Yes, if you’re Quinn Fabray.

Rachel Berry ★

It had been something of a surprise that Rachel was playing opposite Jesse in the upcoming college musical. Although no one could deny his talent, she had been sure that her and Blaine’s rendition of ‘One Hand, One Heart’ would have guaranteed both of their success. And yet, here she was, asked to play a passionate forbidden romance with someone who was decidedly not her boyfriend, someone she had never ever thought of romantically.

Nevertheless, she was a professional and she would conduct herself accordingly. Barbra had played romantic leads while she was in relationships. Marriages, even. Better she come to terms with this now rather than later.

Having arrived at Tisch’s auditorium first, as they wanted to practice their blocking, Rachel took a seat at the grand piano and played a few lone keys, the first few notes of ‘Tonight’. Painfully, she remembered how she and Tina used to watch West Side Story and other musicals, and sing the numbers to each other. And yet, since she found her soulmate, it was as though no one else existed. Rachel understood being wrapped up in a relationship, after all, she and Blaine would have been together three years this September. But it made her heart pang. Lately, Blaine was often preoccupied with study or his friends. The loneliness cried out within her, desperately seeking comfort, or even just some company.

Relief flooded through her when she heard the auditorium door swing open and saw Jesse walk through it. She was grateful not to be alone again.

“Hi.” she smiled.

Jesse St. James

In all honesty, Jesse had known that it would be him and Rachel as Tony and Maria. There were no other choices. Blaine was a fine actor and a fine singer, and had -- fine chemistry with his girlfriend, but he didn't have the star power that Jesse had. Jesse knew that between his talent and his reputation, he could draw record audiences to NYU's summer production, and he had full faith in the combination of him and Rachel to pull off a Tony and Maria that would remain iconic for decades.

Arriving at the auditorium, Jesse weaved his way through the wings, hearing a few tinkling piano notes and knowing that Rachel must already be there. He strode onto the stage with a smile -- the two of them really did sound amazing together, and he was excited to share the stage with one of his best friends. He had no doubts that in a few years' time, they'd be treading the boards of Broadway together.

"Hey," he greeted, sliding his satchel off and dropping it on the floor by the piano. "Scooch up." Jesse gestured for her to slide along the piano bench, sitting down next to her and flexing his fingers before resting them on the keys. Rachel was a wonderful singer, but she hadn't got much beyond Twinkle Twinkle on the piano. Maybe one day she'd let him or Blaine teach her properly.

"Let's start with a warm up, sing through Tonight with the piano, and then get up some terrible karaoke version so we can rehearse the blocking. Sound like a plan?"

Rachel Berry ★

When he sat beside her at the piano, Rachel felt immediately at ease. She felt all of her problems melt away. When he started to play, she relaxed further, softly responding: "I've always enjoyed watching you play. It's so natural."

Then it was back down to earth. Back to business. To his suggestion, she replied. "That sounds perfect." Rachel laughed. "Well, no version is better than ours, of course."

Jesse St. James

Jesse smiled -- taking a few moments to play the intro to Tonight. Music was his first love, and one he knew would last forever. "Of course no version is better than ours. We're the most iconic Tony and Maria since Beymer and Wood. And we're actually singing our parts as well as acting."

He swung himself off the bench to warm up, gesturing for Rachel to join him. As they ran through the usual vocal warm ups, he couldn't help but laugh -- he'd never met anybody who took these things as seriously as he did. Until he'd met Rachel. There was nobody else he'd want to share the stage with -- her fears about a potential lack of chemistry were certainly unfounded.

"Feeling nice and warm?" he asked once they were finished, heading back over to the piano. "Let's sing through with proper accompaniment and then we can get up and start acting."

Rachel Berry ★

Although Rachel had sworn up and down to Blaine that he was the better choice for Tony, in her heart she had always known that Jesse would have been chosen. He was brilliant on the stage - his talent, his charm, his intuition. No wonder he had already been so successful in his short career.

The vocal warm-ups were a cinch. She and Jesse had done them together many times before and she knew that he was as professional and focused as she was - a far cry from many of her current classmates, who consistently irritated her by resting on their laurels.

Privately, Rachel was glad that Jesse was taking the lead in this rehearsal. Often in her classes, she had to be the more intense one, and it excited her that someone matched her enthusiasm.

Although Rachel had been singing with Jesse for years now, a part of her always felt a little bit tingly and nervous before she started. Yes, he was her friend, but he was still a Broadway star - something that she desperately wanted for herself. But then, they finally began to rehearse the song, and as always, it all fell away. There was only the two of them in this moment, this coming together of voices, this shared passion for the performance.

After they finished singing, Rachel was silent for a moment as the mentally reviewed their performance to the empty theatre. "That may have been the best we've ever sounded," she enthused, breathlessly. "And no one was here to hear it."

Jesse St. James

As much as Jesse loved the spotlight, basking in the glory of a solo, he preferred a duet. There was something so magical about the connection of two voices, the harmonies, the storytelling. Quinn's voice was beautiful in its own way, a unique tone with such brightness, but it wasn't a Broadway voice -- and Jesse had been a little disappointed to discover how much he had to rein in for the two of them to sound good together.

Rachel, though -- Rachel was one of the few people he'd met who could go toe-to-toe with him. He couldn't help his smile as they sung together. It was like their voices were to go together, so sweet, so harmonious. He finished playing the song with a flourish, drawing it out on the piano. "And then we make out," he joked.

He turned to grin at her, nodding at her comment. "Speak for yourself, I always sound my best." Jesse recognised the look on her face as one he'd experienced so many times before -- the awe of performing never got old. "They will be soon. We'll sell out this whole house."

Rachel Berry ★

“That we will,” Rachel replied, and she had no doubt it was the truth. She and Jesse were clearly a match made in Broadway heaven. Maybe it was meant to be this way. With the tension that she and Blaine had been experiencing recently, their Tony and Maria would likely be rife with mixed messages - Blaine never could separate emotion from work and logic.

“Should we try to rehearse the blocking? In the next group rehearsal, we’ll be able to show those amateurs a thing or two.” She smiled, teasingly.

Jesse St. James

Jesse nodded at Rachel's suggestion, standing back up and stretching out a little. "I don't know how wise it is for us to be doing such traditional blocking. There's not really anything innovative about it yet... it's a little jarring given our youth imbues the show with a natural modernity, but let's try it and see if we can make any suggestions for changes." He took his phone out to find a karaoke instrumental of the song, propping it up on the piano to play as they took their places.

The music washed through him as he slipped into character, looking at Rachel - Maria - with Tony's eyes, body tense with the desire to hold her and be near to her. He slipped out of character briefly to smile as she started the song -- there was always time to stop and appreciate Rachel's voice. His joined hers as the song progressed, following the blocking of the scene, inching closer, featherlight touches as they danced around the commitment they were desperate to make.

Rachel Berry ★

As soon as the music began, Rachel felt herself become Maria. It was her dream coming true to inhabit these characters and every time she did, she felt the gratefulness radiate within her, like her heart's breath.

And then when Jesse joined her in song, Rachel felt her heart race. Never mind the fact that their voices sounded perfect together. She had just been reminded that they had been told to practice the kiss at the end of this song. And though Rachel was not against stage kisses, it had been so long since she had kissed anyone other than Blaine. Jesse hadn't even mentioned it - he probably was not phased by it at all. Rachel wondered whether Quinn would be upset by it. Suddenly, she felt the nerves take hold.

As their rehearsed touches progressed beyond light and flirtatious to those longer and more intimate, Rachel did her very best to continue the song, remain in character and remind herself that it was only a stage kiss. It didn't mean anything. It wouldn't ever mean anything. This she continued to chant in the back of her mind, as the song drew to a close and their lips were a mere moment apart.

Jesse St. James

Jesse wasn't phased by the thought of a stage kiss. Both he and Rachel knew they were only acting. They both had partners, and for all their chemistry, they both understood what was happening. Tony was kissing Maria. It wasn't Rachel and Jesse, not really.

Yet as they continued, a sensation washed over him -- an energy buzzing between him and Rachel. He tried to remind himself that it was just Tony and Maria, but as his fingertips brushed her skin, their eyes locking with shy, flirtatious looks, it was hard to ignore the way his skin was tingling. Despite himself, he began to feel nervous as they approached the end of the song, hand shaking subtly as he cupped Rachel's cheek, thumb brushing her cheekbone.

Oh moon, grow bright, and make this endless day endless night. Tonight.

Breath already shallow, Jesse took their cue to lean in, enjoying the climax of their tension for one beat longer. He captured Rachel's lips with his own --

-- and then his world imploded. As their lips touched, a wave of sensation rolled through him, a tsunami of energy that threatened to overwhelm him. His skin prickled where they touched, Jesse sliding an arm around Rachel's waist without thinking, pressing her closer to him. All that mattered was the touch of her lips against his, fireworks exploding in his head, waves of lust and longing suddenly ebbing through his veins...

The moment lasted forever, but it felt as though it was over in an instant. Jesse pulled away, his pupils blown, his breath ragged. Silence fell -- he had no words, no coherent thoughts, the aftershocks still rippling through his body. As they stood there in the aftermath, his hand still cupping her cheek, Jesse caught sight of his wrist -- the date they'd met. The same day Rachel had marked into her own skin.

Because Jesse knew. There was no denying what they'd just experienced, no other way to explain the sensation blooming in his chest. There was only one thing that kiss could have meant.

Rachel was his soulmate.

Rachel Berry ★

When Jesse kissed her, it was as though the entire universe had suddenly turned from black and white to colour. As she felt his arm wrap around her waist, Rachel instinctively locked her hands around Jesse's neck, pulling him closer than they already were.

Rachel hadn't known that a kiss could feel like this. She felt a volcano erupt inside her, adrenaline rushing up and down her body, and yet feeling completely calm - because this was right. Every part of her cried out for Jesse, to keep him close, to never let him go.

After what seemed like an eternity, they separated. Rachel's throat felt dry and coarse, her breath ragged - though somehow not from singing and dancing, but from something much more intense.

Could it be that this was her soulmate standing before her?

The silence between them was unusual and had gone on for too long. Rachel knew that she needed to say something, though after that kiss, she could manage little more than: "I can't be the only one that felt that."

Jesse St. James

Rachel finally broke the silence, and Jesse found it was impossible not to be honest -- impossible to deny what had just happened between them. He shook his head a little, thumb still brushing her cheek, still caught up in the energy between. "I felt it, too," he murmured softly, lifting his hand a little to brush a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

What the hell would happen next? Rachel had a boyfriend, and he had -- Quinn. The realisation struck him suddenly, because if Rachel was his soulmate, then Quinn wasn't. Jesse finally dropped his arms from around Rachel, taking a step back as the air between them went cold. Quinn wasn't his soulmate. In the moment, kissing Rachel, it had seemed like everything was right -- nothing could ever make more sense. But as the reality settled, Jesse struggled to understand where they went from here...

"We should probably end rehearsal here," he said finally, clearing his throat a little. "I don't know what you want to do... Blaine, and Quinn." He bit his lip, shrugging a little. "But I don't think we need any more rehearsal right now. We were flawless, we always are."

Rachel Berry ★

Though the intensity of the moment still lingered in the air, Rachel found herself drifting back to reality. Yes that kiss had been...strange, but for the first time in years she was kissing someone new - it was bound to feel different than it did, kissing someone who had been her partner, her real soulmate for years. There was no reason to make a bigger deal out of this.

"I agree." she replied, her voice hopefully eliciting more strength and resolve than she felt. "But there's nothing to do about Blaine. Or Quinn, for that matter."

 As Rachel stepped further and further away from Jesse, she felt herself oddly drawn back to him - everything inside her was screaming to move closer, not further away. But she curbed her impulses as she announced, too formally for their years-long friendship: "I have to go. I'll see you in rehearsal."

Jesse St. James

If he'd been thinking more clearly in that moment, Jesse would have questioned what she meant -- how could they not do something about Quinn and Blaine? They were soulmates. They had to be together. But his head was still spinning, the magnetism tugging at him. He could barely manage a nod as Rachel said she had to leave -- watching her go mutely, eyes focused on her back. An emptiness took over him as he watched her leave, cold and hollow, yearning to follow her.

But he couldn't. He had Quinn. Quinn, who he loved. Who he thought he'd spend forever with. His soulmate. The cracks had been there, from the beginning, but he'd been able to ignore them -- the universe had a plan, and that plan was him and Quinn. Who was he to argue with the universe?

But that wasn't the universe's plan. Not anymore. And it hadn't been, not ever.

Left standing alone on the stage, Jesse let out a breath -- head still swirling. What the hell happened now?

[drowning-in-dennor]

Miriam’s Song

I’m high, I’m bi and I never have prompt week events on time. At least a week late, this is my entry for day 7 of @dennorweek in the high school AU, and the pairing is nyo!Denmark x Norway. I decided to use the most popular fanon names for the characters here, since the high school AU is one of the most popular AUs. Recommended listening: Miriam’s Song by Terje Formoe (skip to 6:30 for the song) Link: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WoSOubRVdLU

 “So who is it?”

 Mathilde snaps her gaze away from the adjacent table and turns to Allison. “What do you mean, who is it?”

 “I mean, who’s got your fancy? You’ve been staring at that table for the last five minutes.” She points at their classmates one by one. “Violetta Ardelean’s that author girl, the one who really likes writing horror stories. Is it her?”

 “Nah.”

 “You’ve got eyes on my brother?”

 “Why would I like Arthur?”

 “Good point.” Allison takes another bite of her food. “Ooh, is it him?” She points at a white-haired boy scrolling on his cell phone. “Emil Steilsson. I mean, he’s cute and he runs the school’s meme page.”

 She looks at Allison. “Our school has a meme page? I…” Mathilde rolls her eyes. “Never mind. No, it’s not Emil. Guess again.”

 “Well, there are only four people at the table, so it’s got to be the last-” she pauses. “Well, would you look at that. I don’t even know who he is. Good job, Mathilde, you’re going after a guy not even the great Allison Fucking Jones knows about.”

 “Your middle name is Felicity.”

 “Whatever, now who the hell is my best friend crushing on? Is he a gang leader, or a secret celebrity, or what?”

 Trying her best not to throw her lunch at Allison, Mathilde groans. “For heaven’s sake, he’s just Lukas Norsson. You know, the best violinist our school has ever spat out? The most amazing singer you’ve ever heard? The cutest boy in existence?”

 “I thought the first one was Roderich, the second was you and the third… I actually don’t know.” Allison squints at Lukas. “He’s not that cute.”

 “You just have no taste. Also, I can’t sing for shit.”

 Polishing off the last of her lunch and flipping Arthur off from under the table, Allison eyes Lukas again. “So are you going to ask him out?”

 “I wish! He doesn’t even talk to me, even though we’re in the same music class.” She glances at her schedule. “Well, maybe that can change today.”

…

 Julchen slams one hand down on her desk, making her flute rattle. “The end-of-term concert! Oh, crap, I actually forgot about it!”

 “The what now?”

 She pretends to hit Mathilde with her flute, sighing. “The end-of-term concert, stupid. We’re getting paired up to perform stuff, I think.”

 Stealing a glance at Lukas, Mathilde asks, “if we can pick our partners, can I do it with you?”

 At the front of the classroom, the teacher pulls out a jar filled with slips of paper. “The pairings for the concert will be randomly assigned, and the performance piece decided by me.”

 “Shit,” Mathilde swears under her breath..

 The teacher starts picking out names. “Yekaterina Braginskaya and Elina Von Bock.”

 Elina gets up to sit next to Yekaterina, waving in greeting.

 “Serafina Fernandez Carriedo and Lovino Vargas.”

 Lovino groans and lets Sera sit next to him with an “ah, fuck” of defeated acceptance.

 “Julchen Beilschmidt and Sophia Edelstein.”

 “You’re kidding me!” Julchen jumps up from her seat. “Teach, no way am I working with her!”

 The teacher ignores Julchen’s outburst and pulls out the next pair of names. “Lukas Norsson and Mathilde Dansdatter.”

Mathilde falls out of her seat. The words echo in her head, like a record playing on repeat, holy crap she’s performing with Lukas holy crap holy crap holy crap —

 “Is lying face-first on the floor part of your warm-up?”

 And to her horror, Lukas is standing above her with a hand outstretched and quiet amusement in those (really damn dreamy) eyes. “Come on, you didn’t even catch our performance piece before you collapsed.”

 Taking Lukas’ hand (they’re holding hands!), Mathilde sits back down and prays that her face isn’t red. “Uh, so what are we performing?”

 “The teacher took advantage of our being multilingual and gave us a song titled Miriams Sang.”

 “It’s Danish?”

 Lukas gives her a dirty look. “You wish. The lyrics of the song are written in Norwegian, which I trust you can speak?”

 “No, I can’t.” But I’ll learn it for this performance. Hell, I’ll master Norwegian if it means pulling off this duet with you.

 He ignores that and shows her the lyrics to the song on his phone. “Give me your phone number so we can keep in touch while rehearsing,” Lukas says, “and I’ll send you these lyrics, too. Say, are you free today after school?”

 Mathilde nods, typing her phone number into Lukas’s contact list. “We can start rehearsing whenever you want. I’ll book us a practice room and see if we can track down that accompanist of ours.” She risks a glance at him, him and his intense blue eyes and white-gold locks and the way he hums their song and taps his desk along to the beat (ADORABLE.).. “Is that okay with you?”

 “Perfect.” Lukas smiles at her, and she feels herself getting strangely light-headed. “So I’ll see you after school back here in the music room?”

 “Sounds like a plan.”

…

 She slams her head down on her desk and screams into her math textbook. Svea watches, yanking Mathilde’s textbook from under her head and tapping her on the head with it. “You okay?”

 “No, Svea, I’m not okay!” Mathilde almost shrieks. “I just got paired to perform a song from some Norwegian kids’ movie with my crush for the end-of-term fucking concert!”

 Svea raises an eyebrow. “A fucking what?”

 “You know what I mean.” Mathilde stretches her arms out as far forwards as she can, earning a few glares from the person sitting in front of her. “Either I’ve died and gone to heaven, or this is a terrible prank that will be exposed when I stand on stage completely along during the concert and have my heart broken into a billion pieces as Lukas and his friends laugh at me making a fool of myself.”

 “He’s not like that.”

 Mathilde raises her head from the desk. “He’s what?”

 “Lukas doesn’t play pranks on people,” Svea elaborates, “I’d know. I dated him.”

 This time Mathilde actually does shriek, jumping up from her seat and turning every eye in the room on her. “You WHAT!?”

 Her friend rolls her eyes. “It was in eighth grade,” she gripes, “and lasted three weeks. He’s not my type.”

 After waving away everyone else’s stares courtesy of her outburst, Mathilde sits back down and stares Svea right in the eye, trying her best to sound threatening. “He better not be.”

…

 “Det beste du ga meg var din kjærlighet…” she squints at the line. “Is that correct?” And can I actually sing the song instead of reading the lyrics?

 But Lukas shakes his head and taps the piece of score paper with his pencil. “Too harsh,” he says, “say ‘meg’ like ‘my’.”

 She repeats the line, only to have another fault pointed out. “You’re saying ‘kjærlighet’ wrong. Pronounce the ‘kj’ like ‘sh’. And don’t make the ‘t’ stick out too much.”

 “No, no, not like that,” he says after she reads it a third time. “I don’t know why, but the way you’re reading it sounds… wrong. Your pronunciation is really — how do I say this — it’s very Danish.”

 Mathilde resists the urge to crumple up the score and throw it at Lukas’s head. “Maybe that’s because I’m Danish.”

 “Of course you are.” Lukas points at the line. “Now repeat after me. ‘Det beste du ga meg var din kjærlighet’.” He nods at her. “Your turn.”

 “Det beste —”

 “Best-e,” Lukas corrects. “The second syllable should be nice and soft.”

 “Det beste du ga meg var din kjærlighet.” Mathilde sips from her water bottle and looks at her partner. “How was that? Did I get it right?”

 He nods and Mathilde feels a strange sense of pride flooding through her. “You’re doing great.” Someone knocks on the door — the window shows that it’s Sophia and a very disgruntled-looking Julchen. “It looks like our time is up. Shall we meet here the same time tomorrow?”

 She feels like Christmas has arrived early, smiling so widely that her face hurts. “I’ll book us the room tonight.”

…

 Emil turns out to be their accompanist, sitting awkwardly at the piano for half of Mathilde and Lukas’s practice time as Lukas lectures Mathilde on pronunciation. It’s not until there’s barely half an hour left that he clears his throat, gesturing indignantly at the keyboard. “If you two are done arguing about slashed o’s, maybe we can run through the full song once uninterrupted?”

 Mathilde, rather busy observing how amazing Lukas sounds when speaking Norwegian, snaps her gaze to Emil. “Right.”

 Flushing red, Lukas gets to his feet. “Sorry about that, Emil.”

 They almost make it to the end of the song, singing in harmony until they reach the chorus for the last time. Mathilde feels confident as she sings the last line, swaying in time to Emil’s piano playing. “Du lever likevel, som —”

 “That’s not how you say ‘likevel’’.”

 Emil tosses his score onto the ground. “You’re shitting me!”

…

 A week before the concert, and Mathilde and Lukas have yet to have a practice without some little quarrel. Poor Emil has his playing interrupted practically every ten seconds by a little fault — “You’re drawing out the ‘inn’ too long,” Mathilde complains; “Don’t cut off in the middle here,” Lukas says — and, one practice, steps out for a while to get some fresh air.

 Lukas gestures to the door. “Look, even Emil is tired of your shit!”

 “You know fully well that it was your fault he couldn’t stay in the room,” Mathilde snipes back, “seriously, think of the poor guy and how he feels when you interrupt him!”

 “You’re no saint either,” Lukas retorts, “don’t accuse me of doing things you’ve done as well.”

 Mathilde throws her hand up, glaring at Lukas (have his eyes always been this blue?). “You’re impossible! You know, if I didn’t have a big fat crush on you I would’ve gotten the teacher to get me another group ages ago!”

 He slams his hand on the back of his chair. “Exactly! The only reason I’m putting up with this is because I know you’re funny, smart and kind, and I really want to ask you out.”

 “I can’t believe you sometimes!” Her voice starts to falter when she realises that Lukas’s hand has landed on hers. “Do I want to throw this chair at you, or do I want to date you? You tell good jokes, you’re nice to little kids, and you’re cute as hell, but you also have a stick up your ass and complain about everything!” Mathilde trails off. “I said all of that out loud, didn’t I?”

 Taking his hand off hers (she internally screams in protest), Lukas covers his face with both hands. “Did I just compliment you to your face?”

 They look at each other, both of them blushing and flustered. “Do you really want to ask me out?” Mathilde asks.

 He nods, still covering his face.

 “Are you asking me out right now?”

 “Yes,” he mumbles.

 “So we’re dating now?”

 “If you want.”

 Mathilde stares at Lukas in disbelief. “The hell do you mean? Of course I want to go out with you! I meant everything I said, you know.”

 Lukas takes his hands away from his face and looks down, still blushing scarlet (she didn’t know it was possible for someone to be so cute). He reaches to hold her hand again (“YES!” Mathilde shouts internally) and smiles — it’s a wide, genuine smile that sets Mathilde’s heart on fire. “So seven days later, we’ll be performing this song as boyfriend and girlfriend,” he says, “that certainly makes it easier.”

 Before Mathilde can answer, Emil steps back into the room and sits at the piano. “One last go for today,” he announces, “so you two better get along.”

…

 Mathilde bends down to kiss Lukas on the cheek, laughing softly at the sharp elbow to her stomach immediately after. “You nervous?”

 Lukas starts pacing, almost slamming into little Noah and dodging the file tossed from Julchen’s hand. “I’ve been on stage hundreds of times before. Of course I’m not nervous.”

 “This will be your first time performing with your girlfriend, though,” she teases, although she blushes at the word ‘girlfriend’.

 “You sound more nervous than I do.”

 She laughs and fans her face, trying to stop her face from growing even redder. “I’m going to sing a love song with my boyfriend in front of the whole school in a language I barely even speak. Sorry if I get the jitters, honey.”

 “Don’t worry, darling,” Lukas teases back. “We’ll be amazing out there, and Emil will be happy we don’t murder each other on stage.”

 As if on cue, their music teacher beckons to them. “Mathilde and Lukas, you’re up.”

 They take their microphones from the backstage assistant, watch as Emil gives them a thumbs-up from behind the piano and take their places on stage. They bow before the audience as they applauded politely, and Emil plays the introduction.

 Taking a deep breath, Mathilde starts to sing. “Du lot meg komme inn og sette meg ned,” a nod of approval from Lukas shows that she’s singing the lyrics right. “Du eide øyeblikket der jeg glemte tid og sted.” He owns the moment when I forgot time and place, Mathilde thinks, and the moment when I stopped looking at everyone else, too.

 “Når jeg kjenner etter mellom natt og dag,” Lukas continues, swaying in time to the music. “Da føler jeg du er her som et varsomt åndedrag.” He glances at Mathilde and smiles. Of course I feel that you’re here, his gaze seems to say, when you’re right next to me.

 They launch into the chorus with joined hands and ignore the mutters from the audience, singing like they’ve painstakingly rehearsed for the past month. You still live on, like the gentleness in my song.

 The second verse rolls along, and Mathilde starts to relax as she holds up the microphone to her lips again and sings. When I’m alone, I let nobody in, but I can still feel you near like a breeze to my cheek.

 Much is forgotten, but I know one thing — the best thing you gave me was your love. The road has been long since you left so quickly, but you still love on, like the gentleness in my song.

 “Jeg husker deg best når du er tilstede,” When he’s present? Mathilde wonders, he’s always present. That’s a lot to remember, then. “Som et plutselig savn i et streif av glede!”

 For the last time, they sing the chorus, fingers entwined and standing close to each other. Slowly, Mathilde brings Lukas around to face her, smiling as they slowly sing the last line together. “Du lever likevel, som en sårhet i min sang.”

 The audience is quiet for a moment, before they burst into thunderous applause. Mathilde and Lukas raise their joined hands into the air, bowing together and basking in the claps that fill the auditorium. Giddy with joy, Mathilde grabs Lukas by the waist and bends down to kiss him on the lips.

 The applause turns to cheers and whistles, and they pull away to face the audience again with smiles so wide their faces hurt.

 “Thank you!” They shout, before turning to each other and lowering their voices, saying, “and I love you.”

[milkie-yoongi]

SHRBBFBF 19 35 1 28 54 12 16 2 3 5 4 9 10 7 6 22 30 TROLOLOLO

OK THANK YOU MA’AM NOW YOU GET YOUR REWARD WHICH IS MY ANSWERS (thank God theres no number after 26 my wrists are hurting)

19. Has an idol or group said anything that has stuck with you?

OH YES everything yoongi has said sticks with me in some way, but this one is one ill always remember:

“it’s okay if you don’t have a dream, you might not have one. just being happy is fine.”

its so reassuring to hear this because people in our generation have grown up in a culture where having a dream is normal, honorable, and even expected. from the day we’re in kindergarten, grown ups ask us “what do you want to be when you grow up?” and we say far fetched things like pilots, surgeons astronauts, which is great. It’s amazing to see little kids want to become something so honorable. But a lot of times, having a dream comes with making sacrifices, and if you know that you actually desire to go after your dream, those sacrifices may be worth it to you. But society often shuns those who don’t have dreams. They consider these people confused, lazy, abnormal, etc. I think his words spoke to me so deeply because I never had a dream. I have ideas and plans of what I’d like to do, but I don’t want to dream because doing so to me is just chasing a fantasy. I don’t want to chase after something that may keep running away. Something that I may never reach. I don’t like to dream. Am I weird? I thought so in high school, but now I am content. So I just do the best I can with whatever opportunity is in front of me, moment by moment, and await the doors that open from there. It’s worked pretty well so far. 

It’s important to enjoy happiness now, to be content wherever you are, whether you have a dream or not, whether you reached that dream or not. It’s okay to feel lost, to feel like you have no direction or no idea of where you want to go in life. It will all work out the way it’s supposed to eventually. Yoongi is saying it’s important to just be happy,  because if you’re always focused on the future you will miss out on the good things that are right in front of you in the present. (through this i get to give all of you some reassurance (especially to my younger followers) and a wake up call and i love it) :)

1. What kpop songs make you feel at home?

Ughh tough one but Awake by Seokjin and Forever Rain by Namjoon, and BTS’s Young Forever like wow they just get me every time. 

2. What idol(s) do you associate with kindness?

All of BTS really because they are so selfless but the ones that stand out are Yoongi, Seokjin, and Namjoon because they’ve just constantly gone out of their way to serve others whether it be making sacrifices for the younger ones in BTS or giving back to fans/society. 

3. Has a kpop song or group helped you through some difficult times? If so, and if you feel comfortable, share how.

First Love…man, this one just spoke to me on so many levels. I made an entire tumblr post honoring that masterpiece last year but I can’t find it so I’ll sum it up as concisely as I can. I was going through a rough time before my first year of undergrad. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life but I just got into deeply stanning BTS a few months before graduating HS and I felt like through all their songs, they were speaking to me to do what made me happy and not follow what others said would make me happy. My parents really wanted me to go to a good university because they wanted the best for me, and I was thankful, but I felt out of place there. I hated my major and I wanted to do something else, but didn’t know what because literally nothing interests me enough. Uni had already started though, and while my skill set was good for my major, I was so bored. I was ready to give piano up too and give in to the peer pressure of “just focus on school and forget anything that may distract you from it” (the mindset of the humans around me are so lame seriously i wish I grew up in a different area). So after my last piano lesson in HS, I didn’t touch the instrument much and it didn’t occur to me that if I kept that up, all my years of lessons would go to waste. So in the middle of my first quarter at uni (it was october), I was called to do more collaborative performances. I said yes because Im too nice, but practicing was hard when I had to worry about the demands of school. A few days later, while I was still learning the pieces I was supposed to play, the Wings album dropped. I already stanned Yoongi at that time because he was so relatable to me since the stuff we went through is very similar (through mine being very mild compared to his), but when I heard First Love about how he never wanted let go of what he loved most even when things were tough, I knew that at the time, it was meant to be that I continue piano. I grew to love it so much throughout the next few weeks, not just because of the song lyrics that made it feel like he was speaking to encourage me but because of what piano itself was able to do for me. It saved me from feeling like I was a slave to school, it provided me with something rewarding to look forward to, gave me a great part time job, and gave had a purpose when I never felt as if I had a purpose (skill wise) before. When things got tough and I had no desire to keep practicing, the lyrics of this song made me want to practice, to keep going. 

You know what, let me give you a breakdown of why this song SPECIFICALLY spoke to me through the lyrics (yes this is going to be a 1500 word essay because im just so touched by this and have been since 2016 SO READ IT! YOU WON’T REGRET.

I remember back during my elementary school daysWhen my height became taller than yoursI neglected you when I once yearned for you soOn top of the white jade-like keyboardDust is piling onYour image that has been neglectedEven then I didn’t know your significance

^This is exactly how I felt when I first learned to play piano in elementary school. I hated it. I cried whenever I had to practice because all my friends had so much free time and got to run around outside whenever they wanted while I couldn’t. i was jealous of them because they did not have this responsibility. I wanted to quit during the first few years since I was naive though because I did not know how thankful I would one day be for learning this instrument. I didn’t know its significance. 

Don’t worry even if I leaveYou’ll do well on your ownI remember when I first met youBefore I knew it you grew upThough we are putting an end to our relationship

^My parents still pushed for lessons and wouldn’t let me quit. I still despised going to lessons and practicing, and did the bare minimum to pass the music exams, which allowed me to focus more on my friends and schoolwork. I didn’t feel sorry that I took no joy in it, it just felt like a routine chore I had to get through each year, like school. In my mind, I put an end to that relationship. 

Don’t ever feel sorry to meI will get to meet you againNo matter what formGreet me happily then

^Now that I look back, I could see that if my piano could talk, as stupid as that sounds, it would say this to me, telling me that I would greet it happily again one day because I would be so thankful for the role it would play in my life.

I remember back then when I met you thatI had completely forgotten, when I was around 14The awkwardness was only for a moment, I touched you againEven though I was gone for a long timeWithout repulsionYou accepted me

^I was 14 when I met a classmate who revitalized my interest in playing piano after my 6 years of hating it. We became great friends because of piano. He did the same program as me where we had to pass yearly exams, so we went through the struggle together for most of high school. His love for playing inspired me, and for the first time, I genuinely began to enjoy it. 

Don’t let go of my hand forever, I won’t let go of you again either

^Again, if pianos could talk, this is what it would say to me the moment I performed my first duet with a good friend of mine. I enjoyed it so much that it gave me chills each time we rehearsed the piece together, feeding off each other’s energy. I never felt this kind of energy when I performed as a soloist, only fear and dread. This is when I knew that if this type of playing (collaborative) it could make me feel this way all the time, I would vow to never stop playing. So I decided to never let go again. 

I remember back thenWe burned up the last of my teen’sYes the days when we couldn’t see an inch in front of usWe laughed, we criedThose days with you,Those moments are now in memories

^The 18th, 19th, and 20th years of my life. Those years went by fast and most of my joy during those years came from practicing for duet and chamber music performances. There was so much emotion, and so much thankfulness that overcame me each time I touched the keys. I lived for it. It helped me get through the times I was most discouraged and really was the thing that motivated me to do well in school and other things because to practice as much as I wanted I had to first finish everything else that could get in my way. Those moments have now become the best memories of my life, because it was the first time I loved something so much.

Every time I wanted to give upBy my side you said …you can really do it

^I constantly doubted my abilities. I don’t have pure talent, I get nervous easily, and I need to put hours and hours of practice in compared to others. Thousands of people are more qualified than me to be in this position, to be serving this purpose. So many times I’ve thought, is this really worth it? Am I the right person to do this? Why did I have to practice late into the night, sacrifice some aspects of my social life and going out, and feeling guilty anytime I’m wasnt practicing, just to learn a musical piece? It wasn’t easy at all. Yet, the chills I get from every practice and every performance along with every smile I’ve received from those I perform with has been a confirmation that no matter how hard it gets, I shouldn’t stop, because the joy at the end is worth so much more than the pain of the process. And I learned that if you love something so much, then you really can do it and you won’t let anything stop you.

The corner of my memoryA brown piano settled on one sideIn the corner of my childhood houseA brown piano settled on one side

^As time goes on and seasons change, life may take me to a place where I’ll never be able to experience this type of joy from a piano again, or it may take me to a place where I can be surrounded by this joy everyday. Who knows, life is strange and unpredictable. But one thing is for sure. I’ll never forget the significance of this instrument. It’s such a simple thing. An inanimate object with eighty eight black and white keys, maybe a piece of furniture to some people. But to me, it will always remain as special memory that saved me from feeling even more lost and let me meet and help so many great people. 

Thank you Yoongi, for writing this song and releasing it EXACTLY when I needed it.

(I should actually be practicing right now I devoted my time to this because it means so much to me)

~~If you happened to read this whole thing let me know what you think I WANT YOUR THOUGHTS! also, you a real one ;)

5. What’s your favorite ballad?

HMMM THIS IS A MEAN QUESTION BECAUSE I LIVE FOR BALLADS. “Autumn Outside the Post Office” is a good one

4. What idol would you star gaze with? Why?

Yoongi since he will be a sleepy bb and that’ll give me the chance to cuddle him with as many blankets as he wants. 

7. Would you rather give or receive a gift from your bias?

Give a gift first because its better to GIVE than RECEIVE MHMM but also because Yoongi just does so much for everyone and works so hard so I want to give him a gift with a letter in it expressing my thankfulness for his existence. He better read it. 

6. What was your first kpop group that you stanned? Why did you stan?

B.A.P !! These six bois were the hIGHLIGHT of my life back then. Honestly I got through high school happily because of them! They were just so down to earth and hilarious, and I admired that they wrote most of their songs and wrote lyrics about actual issues in the world instead of just cheesy love. They switched up their musical style a lot and weren’t afraid to experiment with new sounds and were able to go from hard hitting tracks to ballads that could make tears travel down your face instantly. Also Daehyun’s voice…nobody can beat that I think he ate an angel or something oooOooOoo. And Zelo’s love for cherry tomatoes, Yongguk getting uncooked ramen out of the mailbox in a park, and Jongup eating mcdonald’s on that one show…ok that’s enough, let me go cry now bc of this nostalgia. 

22. Would you rather go to Disneyland or Everland with your bias? What would you do there?

Everland because I’ve been to Disneyland wayyyyy too much and I’m tired of the humongous crowd. But Yoongi is probably not the type to get all excited over amusement parks and I’m cool w that so we’d most likely just walk around and eat churros every hour if Everland even has those. 

[zukalations]

Relaxing Breeze - Misaki Rion

Relaxing Breeze (Fuwari) was a musumeyaku feature published in GRAPH, where an interview would take place at a cafe. It was focused on offstage topics such as how they destress or what they do on days off.

This interview with Misaki Rion took place in the December 2016 issue, a few months before her retirement.

Relaxing Breeze - Misaki Rion

~A time of gentle relaxation in a cafe~

First, go ahead and order! What should I choose... I think for my drink I'll have the hibiscus tea! (reading menu description) 'A favorite of Cleopatra...a simple beautifying tea with a slightly sharp flavor.' 'Beautifying tea,' that's certainly interesting (laughs). I drink a lot of herb tea. If you asked which I liked best, herb tea, black tea, or coffee, I might have to pick herb tea. For cake, I'll try this "Fruit Variety Shortcake". I really like tarts or cakes with fruit so I've got to! (laughs)

Today we're doing a location shoot at this cafe - do you go to cafes ordinarily? I haven't been to a cafe recently so I'm really happy. When I'm on tour and such, I love wandering around with my classmates and finding some cafe to sit in and relax. At a cafe, I really love when there are options for drinks besides coffee and black tea, such as the hibiscus tea here.

What are the fashion points of your outfit? Since we're doing a photoshoot at a cafe, I wanted to do something that looked like what I'd wear on an off day! Ordinarily for photoshoots I'll think 'I've got to make sure my hair is arranged nicely!' or 'Should I braid it up!?' but today I decided to skip that - I thought I ought to come looking less ornamented. Therefore I also went with simple clothes, concentrating on things that felt fun (laughs). I usually go with something that has this sort of feeling on days off, and of course I always wear skirts. Also, I love berets! When I'm wearing hats in autumn and winter, it's usually berets.

How do you normally spend your days off? If I'm in rehearsal, I go shopping a lot. And while I'm shopping, I'll take a break to go to a cafe. If I'm in my home town of Kobe, there's one place I'll go to all by myself. I never tell anyone the name of it (laughs). It's in the middle of a shopping district, but it's a tiny place with a lot of atmosphere. I'll always just wander in and space out (laughs). I'll also work on maintaining my body and make sure I get enough rest, of course.

Do you go to Kobe often? No, usually it's Osaka, I think. But sometimes Kobe! If I specifically think 'I want to go to that place!' then I'll go.

Where in Osaka do you go? I go to Umeda a lot. Sometimes I'll go as far as Shinsaibashi, but recently I'm low on stamina, so that's...a bit much (laughs). When I'm shopping, I'm always looking for clothes that reflect the show I'm in. For example, for Elisabeth if I see any hair accessories that resemble Sisi's stars I buy them immediately (laughs). But I think that's very refreshing in its own way.

What else do you do to refresh yourself? Of course it's very refreshing to go out to eat with my classmates. I also soak in the bath! Recently I've really realized how soaking in the bath for a long time takes away all the tired feelings (laughs). I like putting in bath salts, but of course currently I'm taking Elisabeth's example and trying milk baths (laughs).

Even though you're refreshing yourself, you're still immersed in the show. I totally am! But if I think about it, I don't think I ever wouldn't be. It's really hard to construct a division like that.

You said you go out with your classmates - does that include those from other troupes? If I send a message saying 'What're you doing right now?' even the girls in other troupes will sometimes have matching schedules, even if I'm not expecting that at all (laughs). Even if we can't meet we'll be in contact a lot. Especially Manaki and Hinami - morning and night! (laughs). It starts with 'Good morning~' (laughs), and then 'When do you go to the theatre today?' or 'Say, are you planning on being at the internal lessons?' and such. We can hardly ever see each other at the theatre, so when we get home at night it starts up again with 'I'm back~' (laughs). We don't talk about anything in particular, but we're always sending messages (laughs). So I'll say 'hey there!' and Manaki will reply with a cute stamp, that kind of thing (laughs). I've always got on well with the two of them, and since we are in the same position, we can  really understand a lot about each other's situations.

So, what are you into recently in your offstage life? I knew this question was coming! (laughs) I've really never been the type who's really into a particular thing, but recently I'm obsessed with watching DVDs of Takarazuka shows! I'll start as son as I get home, and I'll replay my favorite love scenes or duet dances over and over (laughs).

(the Fruit Variety Shortcake and Hibiscus Tea arrive) It looks so go~od!!! The Hibiscus Tea is such a pretty pink! I'll try it... It's delicious! IT's a little bit tart, very invigorating.

Do you drink herbal tea at home? I have plum kelp tea at home (laughs). I really like it! I don't use individual bags, but buy it loose in a tin. I drink it all the time. I like strong tea!

Why don't you try the cake? I will! It looks so good~ And it tastes good too! The fruit is so delicious. Grapes, oranges, kiwi...not to sweet, with a really mellow feeling. I'm so happy - it's been a long time since I had cake! (laughs)

Is there anything else you enjoy outside of Takarazuka? Hm, not really... I really enjoy how things are now. I always wanted to to totally devote myself to something, and right now that's just what I'm doing. Therefore both the good and the bad is all part of that, I think. Oh!!! I like children! My little niece is so cute. She'll some and hug me and it's so fun when she's around. Recently, she's grown up enough that she can come and see the shows. I'm not sure if she understood what was going on in Elisabeth, but it seems that she was awfully proud to see me (laughs). 'What was that misty stuff at the end?' she asked, so I told her 'Oh, at the end, they use dry ice!' Last time she still didn't realize that I was there onstage, so I'm very happy that she understands now.

Finally, if you had a long vacation, how would you like to spend it? Let me think... I retire in April, so I'd like to go on vacation with my family. I'll invite them! Whoops, I said it (laughs). If they said they'd like to go, it'd be nice to go to Hawaii or Europe. In any case, somewhere overseas! I want to relax together with everyone. If I had a day or two off right now, I'd like to go to an onsen. I want to refresh my body (laughs).

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Ch. 5

Hope you like this! Tomorow we’re back to the regular headcanons! See ya!

Well, it wasn’t that bad. The first Mystic Messenger’s rehearsal was less catastrophic than it could have been considering all the tension between the bass and guitar players. And though there was still a little cold war going on, the band was… pretty talented, yeah.

“Is your dad coming to pick you up?” Zen asks you when you help Yoosung closing the garage.

“Well, I texted him, and he answered some random letters, I think he butt dialed, but… I’m pretty sure he saw my message, so I’ll be fine.”

“So I won’t have the honor to give you another ride in my bike?”

“Maybe another day.”

“I’ll take that as a promise, princess.” You feel a little bell ringing inside you when he calls you princess. “So, uhm…  I know the guys told you this before, but… you don’t have the fault in anything that happened, okay? This is between the jerk and I. And… though it’s adorably cute, you don’t have to worry about me so much.  I got thick skin.” And beautiful… and probably very smooth…

“I bet you do, but don’t… but don’t let it get too thick to the point of ignoring problems, okay?” wow… where did that come from? Psychology Today?

“That’s a really nice thing to say, you know? I don’t get to hear things like that this much.”

“Ahh, I bet all the sophomore girls drooling over you tell you nice things all the time.” Did you just sound jealous? Bad, really bad.

“Well, yeah, about how cool I am, how hot I am, how talented I am… and… what was my point again?” you laugh, he is being sarcastic… right? “Oh yeah, I… I’m not used to having people sounding this worried about me. People don’t… usually see much beyond my face… and abs…” Hum… he’s not flirting at all right now, is he?

“Well, people are superficial. And I… suck at advices, but if you ever need to vent or something. I’ll… be here for you.” So cheesy! You can’t even dare looking him in the eye after that.

“Oh, my skin will never be too thick for you.” He winks, and you feel your legs getting weaker. Oh no… you’re acting just like your classmates when Zen parks his bike after second period… “See you around, babe.” You could squeal right now just like they do and that’s… that’s trouble, huh?

You realize you’re still in Yoosung’s backyard, he looks at you curiously, the twins are beside him in the veranda. Shit! Of all people to see you getting all weak for Zen, Saeran had to be one of them, huh?

“Shut up.” You say when you walk towards them.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“Good. So keep it like that.” Yoosung and Saeyoung exchange glances. The tension in the rehearsal wasn’t  going on just between Zen and Jumin…

“So, uhm… first rehearsal! Yay! That was cool, huh? How did you guys feel?” Saeyoung asks.

“It was nice when Jumin wasn’t scolding me for shaking my hips too much.” You say.

“Ahh yeah… priest Jumin won’t tolerate shenanigans that can lead to fornication and sin in the future…” you laugh softly and Saeyoung chuckles. “Don’t shake your hips or your soul will be doomed.”

“Yeah, can I say I didn’t get until now why Jumin keeps picking on these things?” Yoosung asks.

“That’s because you’re one of the pure souls Jumin is trying to save from MC’s devilish movements, Yoosung.”

“Don’t mock me! I’m serious! I have no idea what is this discussion about…”

“People like sexy, but not too sexy, you get it?” you ask him. “Like, it’s okay to put me in a cat maid costume, but it’s not okay for me to dance in the cat maid costume.”

“I… am not following it.” Oh god… he really is a pure soul!

“Don’t even try. He just speaks pop language, MC.” Saeyoung states.

“Pop language?”

“Yeah, watch this. Yoosung, if Mystic Messenger was Little Mix’s albums, Rika would be Get Weird, and MC is Glory Days.” What?

“Ohh… and MC’s hips are the ‘Touch’ video?” he looks at you like he’s having an epiphany.

“Exactly! That’s my smart boy!”

“Never would take you as a mixer, Yoosung.” You say chuckling.

“He just has a crush on Perry.” Saeyoung teases.

“Not only on Perry, Leigh-Anne, Jade and Jessy too!”  

“Such a womanizer, I thought you were different, Yoosung.” You say, making him blush and smile nervously. Oh god… so pure…

“Well, chatting’s been nice, but we better get going, Saeyoung. I don’t wanna be late for the curfew again.”

“Yeah, don’t even mention it. See you, guys!”

“Wait, are you serious about the curfew?” you ask scoffingly. “So Mr. Travis Baker wannabe here is actually a mama’s boy?”

“Don’t talk about things you know shit about.” Saeran say giving a complete different glare than usual, like this time he really means it. “Let’s go, stupid.” Saeyoung doesn’t even look back when he waves a goodbye, oh… could it be that you pissed both twins off now?

“Looks like it’s just the two of us, now MC…” Yoosung says. “It’s getting dark, are you sure your father is coming to pick you up?”

“Yeah, he’ll be here before dinner…”

“Oh, or maybe you can have dinner here? It would be so nice, my mom loves when I bring friends for dinner.”

“Oh, I don’t want to get in the way of your family dinner, I…”

“Nonsense! Come in!” he says grabbing your hand and dragging you inside.

Okay… when you said “family dinner” you weren’t expecting to see so much… family here. It’s not just his parents, there’s an aunt, a grandma, and an exchange program student here. His dinner table is loooong.

“So, MC, what do your parents do for a living?” his mom asks

“My dad is a lawyer, my mom…lives, I guess.” Yoosung’s mom stares at you curiously. “Oh, she… ran away a few years ago. Pass the potatoes, please?”

“Poor thing. I’m so sorry to hear that, forgive me for asking.”

“It’s fine, my dad makes me feel like running away sometimes too.” They all look at you worried. “It’s a joke. I’m not… hiding here, Yoosung is not my accomplice, don’t worry.”

“He better not! That would be so irresponsible!” his mother glares at him “Don’t ever help your friends to run away from their parents, did you hear me?”

“Yeah, mom. Why are you scolding me for something I didn’t even do?” he whines, and you want to laugh, even though you’re the one who caused this.

“So you’re in my little star prince’s class, honey?” his grandmother asks.

“Grandma! Don’t call me like that in front of my friends! Saeyoung makes fun of me until these days, did you know that?” Star prince… it suits him.

“No maa’m, star prince is one year ahead.” Yoosung blushes when you look at him. Oh… so maybe he doesn’t hate it if it comes from you? Poor granny… “I’m the new vocalist in his band, so that’s why I’m here tonight.” That and because your father forgot to pick you.

“Oh… so you sing?”

“She’s amazing, dad! Just like Rika!”

“Well, Rika is very talented. You must be really good for my son compare you two.” You really need to see Rika singing one of these days, it’s kinda throwing you off how much people talk about her when you barely even heard her voice.

“Yes, my two grandsons have that musical vein. Star prince plays piano wonderfully! Young lady, listen to this, when he was 4, he wanted his mother to sign him for judo classes, I said no, my grandson needs something more sophisticated, he needs to be able to make people bend with grace, not with strength, so I taught him everything he knows.” Well… some personal defense oves wouldn’t be that bad, but who are you to judge how she educates her grandson? “Yoosung, be a dear and play something for us.”

“Right now, granny?” he glances at you.

“Yes, dear, you have to impress the young lady if you’re willing to woo her.” you two could facepalm in embarrassment right now.

“I’m not…”

“He’s not… wooing me. I… am not even sure if I know what this means.”

“Either way, your grandmother wants to hear you play. Please, star prince.”

“Yeah, star prince, show us what you got.” You leave your embarrassment aside to tease him. And hell, who are you kidding? You want to hear him play, it would be nice to hear him soloing without the other players instruments and big personalities keeping him away from the spotlight.

“Only if you sing for me.” He smirks. Oh… you did not see that coming.

“Yes! That would be so lovely! Please, dears.” Shit! How do you say no to an old lady?

“Fine, I guess…” and just like that, Yoosung made you feel flustered, who knew?

The whole family gathers around the piano in the living room. Gosh… performing in a gay bar was way less embarrassing than this… it’s much weirder when you’re dealing with a smaller audience who puts  a lot of expectation in you, you know? That’s what happens when you perform for people you know, even if just a little.

“So… what are you playing? Three Blind Mice?” you ask sitting beside him in the piano bench.

“Nah, let’s do something a little more modern. Not… too modern, though. 2002 modern.”

“I didn’t even have teeth in 2002, so not modern at all.”

“Said the girl who sang Prince the other day and auditioned with a song from when not even our parents were born.” Touché. “Come on, you definitely know this one…”

And when he plays the first notes, you sigh… you definitely know this one… who doesn’t know this one?

“Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces past and I’m homebound…” his fingers are skilful and fast.

“Staring blankly ahead, just making my way, making a way through the crowd…” he sings… oh, so is this a duet? please, let’s use this Glee duet as a reference

You watch as he glances at you quickly before looking to the keyboards again… then look at you, the little star prince here doesn’t even need to look to find the right notes. You probably wondered how much he practiced. Yes… he’s so quiet and shy, you can almost forget how dedicated he is to the band. Rehearsals happen at his place, after all, he is so… passionate about this, isn’t he? It’s great to see him under this new light, this new… spotlight…

“Cause you know I’d walk a thousand miles if I could just see you… if I could just hold you… tonight.” You two sing the end together, looking straight at each other. And for one moment, his violet eyes look like the only thing present in the room…

Is he getting the same vibe? Probably, as he looks down with his face completely flushed. And you know what’s odd? You probably look just like him right now. So here are two flustered messes getting some applause from the small audience.

“So wonderful! And you almost missed the show, Rika!” his grandma says, and you both raise your heads to find this blond girl looking straight at you.

“Oh, I never miss a good show, grandma.” she says, smirking.

← Chapter 4 | Chapter 6 →

[stuckintheskyline]

~Part 1 Continued~

Moving day was here and I couldn't be more excited about it! A fresh start, A new scene and a new start to life. Things seemed to be going great for a little while at least. I had found something that I actually really enjoyed doing. I fell in love with dance. There was just something about it that made me feel something that I had never really felt before. I was about six or seven when I took my first class. I put every ounce of effort and determination I had into my classes. And to top it all off I had the most amazing support system, my mother. She was my biggest fan. She did absolutely everything she could to provide anything I needed to achieve my wildiest dreams. I was beyond thankful for everything she did for me, My depression was basically gone and I felt that I could counqur the world. Then something awful happened. My godfather had passed away in a car accident just a week before my sisters 2nd birthday. He had called me about a week before it happened and said he was so excited to surprise me with something, I unfortunately never found out what that surprise was, I still don’t know what it is. To be fair I don’t really think I will ever find out. He was my fathers best friend, but more than that he was family. I loved him, I looked up to him. Especially right before his passing. My father was never a big supporter of my dance career. He loved to use very rude gay slurs and call me things like “sissy” or “fairy”. Looking back on it now I honestly just laugh. I call myself a fairy and a unicorn on a daily basis, so it is basically just stating facts. But for me being a very young kid it was very hard to hear, let alone from your father. MY god father was different, Even though him and my father were best friends, he was more of a father to me than my own, even though he lived across the country, he cared about me more than my own father. 

  (I kinda just want to clarify something up quick, yes he was my “godfather” and I know that is a religious thing, Yes I grew up in a religious home but i wasn't highly religious) 

   After my godfathers death my dad started to change, I mean he was never really the perfect father, but i did notice a change. One day he just decided to leave. I don’t really remember much of when he left. Quite frankly I have erased all memory of him from my mind. All i remember is him kissing me on the forehead and said “I love you bud” and that was it. I remember stand at the top of the stairs looking down them as he walked out the door, that’s when it really hit me that he was gone. I saw it as a new beginning, I dove so hard into dance and put even more into it. I started to compete, i started traveling and performing with my dance company. I even got into musical theater, At this point in life everything was going smooth for some time. But what would life be without a cliff to fall off of and fell like you are never going to stop falling right? right! 

  After elementary school was over for me I transferred schools to a different district, I grew up in a great town with really shitty middle schools. That was a very hard one for me. Leaving all my friends who were all going to the same school and I was going somewhere that I knew literally no one at all. I remember my first day in that big scary classroom. I saw this kid sitting at the very back end of the class and for some reason I was drawn over to him. I didn’t say anything, I just sat there and looked at the desk in front of me. I had never felt so nervous about anything before. I had no idea what the feeling I was having was. I few weeks went by, I started to open up a little more. I had made some friends, some great friends! I even met some people that I knew from being in the same daycare program, they were a grade under me so I didn’t get to see them as much as I hoped but they were always there for me. At this time I had just started to realize what real “romantic” feelings were, Or what I thought was romance at the time. I was so used to my mother and father acting weird around each other that I thought that was what liking someone was. So I just acted weird all the time. About half way through my five grade year my mother had started a new relationship. I couldn’t be happier for her. She has this light and aurora about her that just radiated everywhere and I loved seeing that again. Her and her new man showed me what love really was. I started to notice that I started feeling things for someone in my class, But the weird thing was, it was a boy in my class. I had always thought that girls were something that would just come natural to me, But it just didn’t I had a best friend in the past and I guess you can say that we “dated” But it wasn’t really anything. I loved her so much! But it was never on a level like I had thought love really was. I didn’t peruse these feelings I had been feeling for this classmate, I felt that if I said anything, bad things would happen. I didn’t want to disappoint anyone, I thought the the feelings I kept having every time he walked into a room, or said my name even.

   Then came the school play, At my school the fifth graders were the top of the food chain, Only because of the fact that the district of schools I was in elementary went until fifth grade *which i found fairly annoying*. We were getting ready for our performance of “The Jungle Book” I ended up getting cast as Baloo the Bear. I was beyond excited. I was a lead character and it was my first year at the school. I was on cloud nine. I was beyond excited for rehearsals to start, then all of the sudden I see him walk in. I immoderately froze in my spot. Then I get told that we have a duet we have to sing together... I could feel my heart racing, as if it was about to burst directly out of my chest. To make my anxiety ten times better about the whole situation, our number was at the  very beginning of the show so we had to rehearse our number first. I was beside myself, I thought “well there’s no time like the present to get to know him.. you’re going to have to get at least some relationship for the chemistry to work”. So I took it upon myself to introduce myself, finally after almost six months of terror inside myself I finally spoke. 

  Rehearsals became something I lived for every week. As it got closer to the time for the show I became very overwhelmed with everything. I was still juggling dance classes almost everyday, rehearse and trying to get into the next grade. I’ts strange to think someone only in the fifth grade would be worrying about all this instead of worrying about what they were gonna be watching on Disney Channel after school. As for me, my mind was always somewhere else, getting lost in every little detail of everything. I managed to juggle everything until the night of the show. I was so excited I finally got to show everyone how hard I have worked for this moment. I even had my mother come and help with the makeup so it could be even more fun. It was once I went and looked into the mirror at myself before we got told “we had 15 minutes to show”, i lost it. It was the very first time I had ever had a panic attack before. I felt like the room was closing in, I couldn't breathe, I felt as if i was a bubble about to burst. Then all of the sudden he came in, without saying a word he grabbed my hand and pulled me into a classroom across the hall and locked the door. I ran do the farthest desk because I was beyond embarrassed that this whole thing was even happening. I just started sobbing with my head in my hands at the desk, I heard him slowly start to walk over to me and move the desk in front of me around so it was facing me, he sat down and grabbed my hands. I instantly sat up and stopped crying. I was in shock, I thought I was in a dream. Those beautiful hazel eyes looking right into mine and he said “Just take a breath I got you don’t worry” I shut my eyes and took the deepest breath I could. He was trying everything he could to make me feel better, He noticed I had a notebook with a picture of the first High School Musical on it “Oh i see you like High School Musical I see?” So he started singing “What I’ve Been Looking For” and all the worries and fears I had vanished. It was just him and I in this room singing, Nothing else mattered. It felt so good.

   The last day was vastly approaching and I was excited yet terrified. Every kid looks forward to summer break. The barbecues, beach trips, birthday parties. I was beyond excited for all these things, but at the same time all I could think about was him. I had to make sure I had something to remember him I thought. On the very last day we got our yearbooks, I had no idea what a yearbook was at the time, So I asked my mother. She said that it was a book of pictures to show you all the amazing things that the students at your school did. I noticed that people were having everyone write in them. He was the first person I ran to.  Will you sign mine? I said in the most timid but trying to not to sound it voice, Of course! he said. I asked him to keep in touch over the summer, He said Yes most defiantly! I left that school feeling so good about myself. As I walked out those doors it finally hit me, like a ton of bricks, I was falling for him, like I was suppost to with a girl. I saw myself holding his hand, taking him on dates, kissing him. All I thought about was kissing him.

  The summer went on and I tried not to think about him. I tried to get him as far out of my mind as I could, I wasn’t ready to pull those feeling out yet. So I quit dance classes, I quit theater programs, Everything I loved that I though would make me feel these things. I started to think my father was right about me. I started to doubt myself. I tried to build a bond with my mothers new boyfriend. Since I had no classes during the summer I wanted to have some fun, So he took me under his wing. That summer was amazing. I thought I had found someone I could eventually call Dad. He loved my mother unconditionally and he worshiped the ground my sister walked on. He showed me how to talk to girls, and how to look, act, basically be a whole different person. I dated a lot of girls in my middle school years. From grade six to about eight I was just dating anyone what would date me. Then there came my very last girlfriend..

[cliban]

Tales of Furniture

Somehow I’m very good at autobiographies, so have this thing that I may or may not have posted- But this time its edited!  Interestingly; between people not liking me, plants not liking me, and various inanimate objects not liking me, furniture seems to be the one thing that has actually helped me and tried to kill me on separate occasions. Yes, this is an autobiography section on furniture. I recognize and understand that, so please bear with me.

 The first time a desk tried to kill me was when I was five, and had just started school. I didn’t much like it, as I had taught myself to read, and subsequently write, a year earlier, which, according to a five year old Bella, meant I was exactly one hundred percent better than my fellow classmates. I was a bouncy and hyperactive child, contrary to today, and my hobbies included: painting everything blue, staying up till midnight to eat all the cat biscuits on ’mission impossible’ style raids, and trying very hard, but unsuccessfully, not to walk into things. 

  The day had started out well, I hadn’t stepped on a cat (which could prove lethal depending on which cat it was), and I was on time for school. It was morning, or the middle of the day when the incident happened. Exhausted after a short, seemingly long, break of sitting forlornly under the large old oak tree hoping someone would take pity on me and expel me so I could go home, I was policing my classmates with a strict authority.

 For some reason, the desks were arranged in a way that there was a cluster at one side. Having (proudly) never suffered from claustrophobia, instead, I’m agoraphobic, I was sitting closest to the desks, half under them in an attempt to feel like I was in a dry cave, and only listening to the teacher with one ear, having already learnt the words months ago. The teacher, a sharp featured woman with short, spiky hair, who would have done well in a hedgehog hair contest, named Mrs Haynes, was not the type to deal with class clowns, and when our class clown (we’ll call him Jerry) decided that the singing in the rain clip we had been watching looked fun to do, and promptly started trying to tap dance on the desks. He wasn’t very good at it.

 The four hours of school had been too much and I was nodding off, but that kicked me into police mode, and I stood up, and promptly fell onto a desk. By the time Mrs Haynes got back (she had been out of the classroom for two seconds), I had already enacted all the movies and looked down at the blood on my fingertips. My first thought was: Oh, what’s that fruit juice doing there? And then, Oh. That’s blood. Then the pain hit and I either blacked out or have blocked out the memory, because I remember three scenes: being carried to the infirmary, a place I seemed to spend a lot of time, in someone’s, presumably Mrs Haynes’, arms, being told I’d be alright inside the infirmary, despite the slit in my chin, and then, hours (or days, as my brain insists on telling me) later, getting my chin glued back together, much to my horror. 

 The horror was not because of the injury, but because I didn’t get stitches; I couldn’t boast to my friends, I couldn’t boast to anyone! Luckily, my chin healed quickly, leaving a scar I have to this day, but my delicate ego took a larger hit and longer to recover. Another thing to add to the list of stuff that hates me: furniture. Which is why I was very surprised when a chair helped me and possibly saved me from another serious injury. 

 It was showtime! My big moment! I strutted onto the stage with practiced ease, the two props I’d knocked over clattering to the floor. I was nine, and I, the brilliant Bella, had been selected to be the main role for the school play. I hadn’t bothered to audition, instead, I’d been asked.  Eagerly, I accepted, and immediately started taking singing lessons for my solos and duets. Very confident in my abilities, months of rehearsing and training dragged by. I would get along with my fellow actors quite well (especially my ‘love interest’ in the play, in real life I thought her quite pretty, and she was fun to dance with), and the teachers were quite impressed by my accelerated learning. Of course they were.  

 Realising that I was onstage now and this wasn’t a good time for a flashback, I began my lines – something about being lonely. Then, after breaking into song, I found that the costumes of the next actors were, quite frankly, terrifying. ‘Act scared’, I’d been told. ‘Even nervous will do.’ Involuntarily, I stepped back – off the stage.   Due to me being either incredibly lucky or some fantastic stage hands, there was a chair that I knocked into, and I landed an impressive flip – the only time I’ve managed one. There were gasps from the crowd, and my ‘helper’ (in the play, of course, I need no help, quickly turned things around by saying that they were harmless, reinforcing the message, and helping me up.  

 The rest of the play went without a hitch, and we received a standing ovation. So, in this dance of furniture, there’s a chance I’ll be helped. There’s a chance it’ll try to kill me. But, for now, I can always say desks are evil, and chairs save your life.  

[julianpford1-blog]

Time in Clowning

Disclaimer notice: this blog will contain my clowning development process rather than a day to day blog and also please note that the sessions are not in exact order. 

Term one.

Session one: On this day I am quite nervous to be in clowning because I only know Calum form the week before and I don't know any else so I come in my shorts and t shirt because I wasn't sure if we were going to get physical or anything so waiting by the door for Hilary (which she came late say 10 minutes), so Hilary arrives and we start off with chairs in a circle and we say our names so we get to know one another, we do that and start with a game of chairs (no better name that I can think of) where we have to not allow the chosen player a chair to sit on by sitting on them now we are in a small room and there I say nearly 20 of us (give or take) and I am just siting there trying to remember everybody’s name, then we had to partner up and designate one person A and/or B, A tells B what’s in the (which could be anything) and B has to ask “what is in the bag?” which was mad trying to make up (on the spot). Then we played Name tag where one is first chosen to tag another person, that person being approached can call out a name (simply someone in the classroom) and then that called person is it so on and so forth now I didn't get called out or touched (because mainly for touching quick in a small room and packed for being called out just didn't). now at the end of the session we were given an assessment sheet for what dates are happening and terms off and whatnot,.

Session two:  Now I have become quite ok with people names (minus a couple of them) we have moved from cad111 (the small room form session one) to cad107 (a nicely space room) and we start with musical chairs simple rules really walk around the chairs (which are placed around the room facing different directions) and quickly sit on them when the music stops (which Hilary was in charge of) we had to listen out for the music because it did at times go quiet whether the music was meant to be quiet or Hilary was fiddling with the sound, now at one point the music stops and I rush over to a nearby chair because another classmate Laura rushes behind “my chair” and pulls the chair away from me and I just fell down thankfully I didn't up with a sore ass or a sore cheek. so the games are over and Hilary pulls out a couple of white screens and she wants us to pop out from behind the screens and stand natural no fidgeting or picking our noses, so one by one went up and we had a giggle or two whereas  some other like jack got some laughs, when I got up and popped out of the screens got some giggles. Before we went home or another lesson we decided to do 11am instead doing 9am because we wanted our clowns fresh and out of bed. 

Session Three: We are back in ca111 for today (because I think 107 was booked before Hilary) we have a small class today (probably the others had other classes) which is great because we got a better chance to show off our clowns. So we played tag: fox and rabbit edition we had to partner up with another person, the class linked arms which only left two people without partners they became the fox and rabbit so what the rabbit had to do was run away from the fox and don't get tagged by the fox or else the rabbit becomes the fox (simple enough) but the rabbit can stop being the rabbit by linking arms with the linked people and the person on the opposite side is the new rabbit (or fox when we changed up the rules here and there). We pulled up chairs and a pair of screens to we played (I’m calling it escape) in which where there 4 players 2 prisoners, 2 guards now the guards not only keep the prisoners on their chairs by tapping their shoulders gently, they also have to wink to the opposite prisoner to signal the prisoner that they can run away to freedom, when the prisoner is free they have to say something funny to the audience for instance I escaped and said “how many Mexicans do it take to escape? Juan” no laughs just smirks. any way after this we watched TV, more specifically examples of clowns where be it silent movie or looking at duets/solos and also looking at Hilary made page with our blogs on it. 

Session Four: In ca111 (again) we play name tag and when another classmate came for me I couldn't for the life of me say a name so I don't get tagged but I did so I let a growl/grunt of disbelief which made it quite like a horror movie with the victim running away without letting the other characters knowing where I am or what I am doing, so meh. later on in the lesson we again have another look at the clowns (mostly for the others who were not in the session before). 

We do have a session before we break up for Christmas but it was a mostly for last laughs before we get home. 

Term Two.

Session one: We return form a restful Christmas and we are preparing for the final Clown performance and we are in room cab218 so Hilary welcomes us back with a game of keepy upies where we have to keep a ball up in the air and never letting touching it the floor while counting together (which we couldn't do properly) and we changed the rules like can only touch it once (though can touch it again after someone else has touched it) or only can use anything else expect our hands. Then we had a splash at name tag which again repeated term one Session fours of unable to communicate due to being approached by the tagger (good times), so  Hilary reminds us when the performance (when & where) is happening which was 214 the same room we are in today. So we got our clown costumes from the theatre cupboard. I grabbed a tweed coat alongside a straw hat (the hat brought me memories of when I was farmer MacDonald in Bridgend college Pantomime where I was reminded by the audience which were a bunch of kids that was I BALD!) now we put on our costumes where Hilary suggested I’d take off my trousers to expose my underwear but keep my shoes on and have a belt on around my waist (shirt can be anything as long it didn't draw attention form my legs.

That be me on the left side with the tweed coat and no trousers.

Session Two: We have a guest lecturer for this session and next session and he taught us how to trip over ourselves safe and yet comically and this trick was awkward for because I don't trip over myself, I only trip up the stairs if I cock my first step or if I cock my running on accident so this was hard for me to do especially when you trying to make it natural without time the bloody trip. the lecturer was lovely so it would have been nice to have him again.

Session three: We have the guest lecturer again and this time we have more classmates (because they again have other commitments) now we doing stage punching, slapping and then head-butting, He brakes us up into partners so I’m with Calum and we just have to show a simple scene using tripping and stage punching/slapping/head-butting which was quite hilarious because I haven't quite got the head-butting down because I would butt the upper shoulder rather than the lower shoulder where your head needs to be to fool the audience .

Session four: We get our costumes on and have to pop out of the screens and stand neutral and see if we get an reaction out of the audience and go off. Hilary has assigned me in with Martin and Ericka because we were the only three without an group so I  am happy.

We have broken up for Easter holidays which was for 2 weeks and a half give or take. So I will continue the rest of the blog as term two.

Session five: We are in the zen room which is cab403 now we come on stage with a pair of screens and a door and the door handles are easy to take off so there's comedy. So when we finished with the door we showed off our performance at 1 o’clock. So we explain that we don't have anything to show her because we haven't been able to get in contact or rehearse over the holidays she understood and basically helped us what to do. We went over what we did with Hilary and wrote the order.

Rehearsal one: we came in uni. at one and waited martin to finish his stpf which took longer than martin expected so when that was over and done with we went up to the Zen room and practise our piece and martin added a part where we three have a dance off (of sorts) and have the ending with me and martin running after each other over who shall wear the hat running with the benny hill song on.

Performance Day: On Performance day we have to come in for 9am, set up and start at 9.45 we were the second group to show off our performance. when the first group finished we’d set up for ours with a stool in the middle. while setting up I put the door away and almost fell over one of the screens leg wheels (is what I'm calling them) the show hasn't even started yet. We come to the end of the last of the group and ended with shaving cream pie in our faces, first for me was pied into the elbow and then pied in the face by Hilary. Did say to her after washing off the shaving cream “don't you cream me again”. Nadia took a couple of shots of all our shows while Hilary recorded them.

here is my group photo.

To end the day we played musical chairs and I was the DJ.

I’d say that I was a in the moment clown rather than a 24/7 clown..