#i record myself sometimes when i have too many thoughts in my had to kinda let it out and vent and the last one was like 16 minutes long?

[raconteur-wanpi]

before loki's fruit gets revealed (could be as soon as next chapter) do you have any theories for what it might be?

I have heard SO many theories for it at this point, that I'm sure no matter what it ends up being, there's at least one person out there who predicted it correctly.

I myself don't know which one I find most likely, I've heard good arguments for multiple theories! If I had to list the ideas I've seen brought up so far, it'd probably be:

Myhtical Zoans

-Fenrir, the wolf from norse mythology, whose children eat the sun, seems to be a common guess. I've been kinda against this since day one tbh. We JUST got a mythical wolf zoan with Yamato, not to mention now we have Cerberus as well. Not impossible though, just unlikely. Or at the very least underwhelming.

-Jörmungandr, the serpent from norse mythology. This one is more interesting, especially since a large serpent makes me think of Nola from Skypeia, whose kind was associated with the Sun God by the Shandians. Problem is, it's already associated with the Red Line in Elbaph's mythology and in One Piece symbology in general. Then again, sometimes, multiple things share the same symbols in this story, so it's an interesting thought that this could be the case here too. My only other problem with this, once again, it's kinda similar to Kaidou, although he was more of a long fish than a reptile or serpent.

-Human fruit, model Lunarian. Now THAT'S interesting! Perhaps... too interesting. I would genuinely love to see something like that, and he does have these curious wing tattoos, but once again, I wonder if that's a bit too much like the Seraphim AND King, which we just saw in the previous two arcs. It almost feels like an absurd fanservice option. A giant the size of Oars with a Lunarian fruit would explain how people came to think of him as a world-ender in terms of power though, that sounds terrifying. I do like this one a lot, but I don't know if it's likely.

Logias

-I see the idea of a Logia very often, especially in parallel to Hajrudin wanting the Flame Flame fruit. Most people have talked about "Nuclear / Mother-Flame Fruit" or even straight up a "Sun Sun Fruit", which are all the same concept anyway, I guess. This is a popular guess, and does make some sense, but I think it's too straightforward and direct for my tastes. When we have Ace, Sabo, Sakazuki and Oven, another fire/heat/flame power just sounds uninteresting to me. As always, it's not unlikely though. I think that, if this is it, I'd rather it be framed as being tied to the Mother Flame, rather than something more generic like "nuclear power" or "the sun" - why yes, there IS a small thematic difference. Either way, not a huge fan of this, but Oda could make it work I suppose.

-Some other Logia I have not thought or heard about could be possible as well. Can't think of what, though!

Paramecias

-OK I think here comes the silliest, but also my favorite guess. The Gum Gum fruit. Yeah this is the Tekking guess. The idea that Loki has the actual rubber paramecia, and that the people of Elbaph associate it with Nika due to the superficial similarity. Honestly this would be SO fun, and it's the Silly Choice and I like that. Not to mention the Luffy parallels. However, a few problems arise. The main one being Vegapunk saying there exists no such fruit in the records. He could easily just, not know about it though, but it's kind of an Occams Razor situation. Especially considering he'd been to Elbpah before and knows plenty about them. If the royal family had this fruit, he might have known about it. Nothing is impossible, though, so who knows! Another little issue is that the giants have seen Luffy's Nika form, so if they initially thought Loki had the Nika fruit due to the confusion, they'd have probably brought it up. Like "ooh maybe that's not what Loki has after all, this pipsqueek has it instead", idk. That might be nitpicking lol.

-Theres a bunch of other paramecias you could give him honestly, but I can't think of anything specific. Perhaps something around his newly revealed hammer and the way he wields it? No clue. This is the most strange and creative category, just look at Gunko's Arrow Fruit. Anything relating to weapons, or mass destruction or trickery and manipulation, all of these fit him thematically. Maybe even illusions? That might be too simple, considering the fruit has been described as legendary. It'd be hard to predict it, if it really is a paramecia.

That's all I have in mind for now! Honestly, I can see Oda throwing an insane curveball and have it be something completely unexpected that hasn't even been mentioned here. Only time will tell.

[bonnibelleangelica]

What I’ve Learnt From Each of My Stories

In my experience, the faster you learn, the faster you hate your past work. There’s a steep curve in most things, which must be one of the reasons beginners give up on new endeavours so much. In those first few months, you might double, triple and quadruple your skill if you actively try to, which unfortunately means that you’re guaranteed to look back in horror at every mistake you used to make with such confidence. It’s a good sign, trust me.

So now, I will humble myself and reveal to you all the shit that keeps me up at night as I take you through my writing journey.

The Very Beginning- Miraculous Ladybug

Bad bad bad. Omg it was so bad. No grammar, no spellchecking, the tackiest sex scenes in the world written by a girl who thought hickeys were a badge of honor, someone should have euthanised me.

~Take Aways~

-Have sex before you write about it, everyone can tell

-Stop making everything so over-the-top ~sexy~, no one talks like that all the time

-Write about adults you weirdo (i was 14 to be fair)

The Real Beginning- RWBY: We’re All So Happy For You

This story was written out of love and rage. Ruby drinking that tea changed my life (literally) but wow was the season bad. I know they had budget problems towards the end, but honestly, it was the worst time to start a whole new plotline when we were kinda in the middle of something back home. It would have made a good movie tho...

~Take Aways~

-Sentence length needs to vary, don’t get stuck in a rhythm

-Paragraphs can cover a lot of ground, not everything has to be dialogue

-You don’t need to write every second of the day out, let time pass offscreen

-You kinda have a thing for RK Jaune x Ruby but I won’t tell anyone

Oh... You Like That? RWBY: The Oneshots

I like sex, in case you couldn’t tell. Well... sex is actually pretty mid, but THINKING about sex is fun. And it sells. People tend to like Ruby being innocent and dumb, but thats G R O S S so I made her secretly kinky and also a legal adult. This vibe will continue for a while.

~Take Aways~

-Sex is weird to write, mostly because it's repetitive. Don’t get caught up in the... ehm ‘ins and outs’ of it. We all know what's happening, focus on thought processes and sensory detail over action.

-Jaune and Ruby are a niche pairing, but readable fanfiction is rare so you aren’t totally screwed

-I don’t like saying dirty words, apparently. We all know I’ve written insane shit so idk wtf my problem is. Dont worry, it’ll end up being a good thing

Oneshots, But There’s More Than One! RWBY: Privacy

Look at that! My most popular story. What started out as an attempt to find somewhere for Ruby and Jaune to be alone together, turned into a polycule beyond my control.

~Take Aways~

-I’m impatient. Slowburns are allergic to me. He calls her baby five minutes into the story but ok

-3,000 words per chapter is a sweet spot. Some of those chapters were 8 THOUSAND words and they got the same amount of hits and comments anyway. Break them up, get paid twice.

-If you do one thing people dont like, they’ll bring it up forEVER.

-Sometimes, sacrificing a story to the people and asking for their wishes and desires teaches you a lot about not only your audience, but also what they consider to be your strengths. Don’t bend to their will, but maybe give public opinion some of your time for stories that don’t matter too much.

They Were Just Supposed to Fuck on an Island- RWBY: Time Together

That’s right, my initial concept for this crowd favourite was just beach sex for 20 years. For the record, that did NOT last.

~Take Aways~

-Still impatient, but I did manage to hold strong and keep them apart for 3 whole chapters!

-Slowburning that gets you death threats is simple: Make them sleep together in their underwear and skinny dip in the moonlight. Then have them genuinely say that its platonic. So many death threats...

-Sex gets boring eventually. Tying an emotion to it gives you much more to work with. For example: the birthday sex they have in front of the fire was my attempt at the most romantic fuck I could imagine at the time

-While writing this, I developed a new style of smut writing that I found to be much more comfortable and didnt cheapen my stories as much. No fade to blacks, but i still avoided direct, grotesk language in favour of implication and subtlty.

Again, This Was Supposed to be Sex in a Club- RWBY: Caught Red-Handed

This one is my Roman Empire. I’m very proud of the trap I set for my readers and WOW did I piss some people off. Whoopsies...

~Take Aways~

-USE GRAMMERLY ffs omg, you dyslexic fuck

-be careful giving anime self insert characters flaws, the weebs will come for your throat

-speaking of flaws, this was actually really helpful for getting rid of my fear of ‘ruining’ my characters. When you face it head-on, give them reasons to get worse and look for meaningful redeeming action for them to take, people will forgive a lot.

-writing from a different characters perspective is game-changing for understanding them

-only people who like your work hate it as viciously as this. If it was pure garbage, they wouldn't be here at Chapter 20 with the rest of us :)

In the end, write whatever you want, it’s free and you don't owe anyone anything. Use this freedom to find your voice, figure out what you hate, make your mistakes, get all that sluttiness out of your system and come out knowing exactly what you want to write.

Good Luck XoX

[amalgamateofficial]

A Quick(?) Update

Hey, everyone. I never know what to say, and then because of that, day after day passes in silence. I guess I just want to say that yes, I’m still working on chapter 21 of Amalgamate, and also that I’m sorry for the absolutely ridiculous amount of time that’s passed between chapters. I know I’ve been “absent” a lot online, too. Rarely commenting on fics, taking days to respond to DMs, hardly livestreaming…

I’m sure it’s a no-brainer that the kind of person who writes a story like Amalgamate isn’t exactly a “well” person. Those who follow me on social media for my cosplay and art content see such a small, curated snapshot of reality. The smile doesn’t exist until I hit record, and it ends when the video stops. So every day, my followers see videos of me at my “best,” but I film as much as possible on a single day because the next “good” day could be weeks away. Sometimes I worry that the next good day isn’t going to come at all.

The most frustrating thing about it is that I’m well aware of the cycle. Every year, starting in August, the darkness starts to creep in. By September, it takes hold. By the end of October, it’s inescapable. November passes, then December. Last year, December almost ended in the worst way possible, but as cheesy as it sounds, Amalgamate convinced me to turn it around. I thought, “What kind of example am I setting here? How can I let people down like this?” 

So this year, I tried to prepare for the inevitable… and failed. I thought if I could post chapter 21 before the end of August, I could just curl up alone and wait for 2024 to be over. But then everything went to hell and I missed my goal, and when the darkness started to creep in at the edges, I tried to make another goal, and then another, but every single time, I was dragged right back down.

Then a mini cycle started to form within the larger cycle. Every day that goes by in which I don’t post chapter 21, I think the chapter needs to be even better to make up for how long I’ve kept everyone waiting. Then the pressure overwhelms me, and the terrible thoughts creep in, and then the guilt sets in, and then I’m curled up in the corner again with nothing accomplished. DMs are left to fester. Fics I want to read collect dust. I drift away, and I let everyone else drift away, and I sit and stare and wish things could be different. 

I suppose it’s not all doom and gloom though. I tried really hard to work on myself this past month, and I was actually successful in a few ways. I tried to clean myself up, and in some ways, I did a lot better than expected. I’m hoping that means I can turn things around again. I want to finish chapter 21, catch up on all the fics I want to read, start drawing regularly, and be an active participant online instead of just tossing out content in a desperate attempt to keep up appearances.

But it’s such an uphill battle. I feel worse now than I did last year, so I’m trying really hard to cling to that self-awareness and prevent things from going the way they did in 2023. But I know that’s not realistic. Everything in life is worse than before, and I see no evidence that it will improve anytime soon. So that means it’s on me to simply power through it and do the best I can.

So, for the sake of my own sanity, chapter 21 will get finished as soon as possible. I don’t know how much longer I can survive with this awful feeling, and that feeling will go away once the next chapter’s posted. In the meantime, I’ll try not to miss the mark with all my other goals. No matter what, I’m going to finish my Halloween cosplay special for 2024. Last year, I had some funds to help me. This year I don’t because I dropped out of most of my conventions, made a lot less art, and overall just kinda gave up on everything. 

But it’s not too late. I’ll dive into as many dumpsters as I have to in order to make a Halloween cosplay that will hopefully be as good as Mangle. This year, I’m gonna be cosplaying Spamton NEO – which is probably cheating since I’m already a failed content creator past their prime who has no choice but to wear clown makeup and wave their arms at anyone who happens to scroll by.

I never know what to say, so I guess all I can really say is that I’m trying my absolute best. I know my best is often really disappointing, but it really is the best I can manage sometimes. Even when I’m distant, just know that it doesn’t mean I love you all less, or appreciate you all less, or feel any less gratitude. It just means I’m in the dark, and I’m trying to crawl my way back. Which is very tiring. And overwhelming. But I never stop trying. In part because you all mean so much to me. Last year would’ve ended differently if that wasn’t the case.

Anyway, I don’t know what else to say other than thank you all for your continued support. I’ll try to make it all up to you and then some. Maybe this year I can end things on a high note for once. I’ll certainly give it my best shot.

Uuuh… I guess if you do want to see me at my best, though, you can always follow me on TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube. That’s the best version of me in between Amalgamate chapters, and I recently shared a ton of Danganronpa cosplay videos because of Dragon Con. I have a Patreon now too, and even though it’s a ghost town, I’m still posting as much content there as possible. I’ll keep dancing until the stage lights are forcibly shut down. I think that's the best way to guarantee that I can turn this ship around.

[yanderespamton78]

spamton and addison headcanon post ^^

i saw one of my moots do this and i have many headcanons for mine so i thought id also post mine :D

(small sidenote a lot of these i stole borrowed from other creators and fics and stuff so i will highlight the unoriginal ones and put a key at the bottom)

addisons are 3d models so they can do stuff like glitch out and clip into walls n whatnot (but it only really happens when somethings wrong which is why spamtons is so much worse)

spamton can pop his jaw and limps in and out of place like a doll (also bjd body if that wasnt obvious)

spamton is eerily good at piano - he learnt it during his big shot era

addison hands are kinda like mitts which they can split into fingers if needed. also they can split into claws for self defence if one is in danger

spamtons ad speech and glitchiness get worse when hes stressed :c

spamton pretty much always speaks super energetically, like minecraft youtuber style

spamtons skin is made of plastic but normal addison skin is not. this also means spamton doesnt have the same thing where his hands arent mitt like which he can split into fingers theyre just always hand

addisons are luminescent but spamton isnt bc puppet

spamton (and jevil) can both speak wingdings

spamtons always had the pipis but they havent always looked like pipis. they used to look like a little red notification dot and the number on the dot would show how much damage it would do

all addisons just have black eyes (sometimes theyre lines and sometimes not depends if i can be arsed to draw proper eyes lol) but spamtons are a bright blue from the shadow crystal incident. if you look closely enough you can see a sun and clouds

also he doesnt have very good vision and without his glasses his eyes will feel like theyre burning

i believe in puppetification theory more than acid theory but i think that the acid is still harmful to addisons. if it comes in contact with their skin it can cause rashes/burning (like a bad sunburn) and if they swallow it it can make them ill or glitchy. if they swallow too much than it can cause irreversible code corruption, which is the main reason why spamton is so glitchy (but mike still caused a lot of the speech thing, its just the physical glitching caused by the acid)

spamton is super agile and sneaky like a cat (i mean no one found him for years in cyber city which isnt a massive place so it makes sense)

can mimic voices really well but in the bracketed speech. basically he can record voices

key vvv

red - taken from System Rebooting : Please Stand By (fic by manofthepipis on a03 GO READ IT ITS SO GOOD)

blue - taken from Defragmentation (comic by Zarla-s on tumblr, comicfury and devart and prolly a few others GO READ IT KAJHFKAH)

pink - idk ive seen so many people do it that I cant credit it to one specific person

anything uncoloured is smth i made up myself B)

[maagisterpavus]

i think i've figured out that my problem with writing fic is actually... reading other fic

i mean, my problem is a multitude of things, particularly perfectionism and a serious lack of self-esteem and confidence in my abilities to do a good job with literally anything, but lemme tell you, reading a bunch of absolute bangers on ao3 lately has NOT helped me in that department lol

like. i've read a few lately that are just SO GOOD. the kind of good that you can't stop thinking about it for days. and that's wonderful! i love when something is so well done that i can't get it out of my head. however, i really need it to get out of my head when i sit down to write my own shit, because then this starts:

"that author characterized [insert character] here so well; I can't do that! do i even understand this character at all?"

"their prose was so beautiful and poetic and had such a strong voice; mine doesn't! it's boring and lifeless and basic and there's nothing special about it to even call it a style!"

"their dialogue was so snappy and smart and realistic; mine isn't!" (re: do I even understand this character?)

"that story was so incredibly creative and well-thought out; my ideas are just lame and i don't have the mental capacity to come up with something that good!"

and most of all:

"that piece of work made me actually feel things; there's no way i could ever manage that!"

and then i end up staring at a blank page, internally screaming at myself: COMPARISON IS THE THIEF OF JOY

and i let it steal my joy, every time.

i do this with everything, by the way. not just writing. i have this terrible vice where i always think to myself, why is this worth doing if there's so many other people out there who are better at it than me? why would someone want to look at my pictures when they could look at something prettier? why would someone want to spend time reading my writing, when much better, more creative, more well-written stories exist? why would this company want to hire me, when they can hire someone smarter and more experienced?

i know a lot of this too is that i am so wildly out of practice with anything and everything creative, and that writing is like a muscle, and if you don't use it enough it grows weak again. i know that the more i do it, the better it will be. but just. ugh. i just get mad at myself sometimes for being this way. i'm mad at myself for letting my experiences in college make me hate writing SO MUCH that i didn't do it for eight years. nearly a decade of honing my skills, nearly a decade of ideas and stories, just lost.

(which is kinda silly, because i'm not even a... serious writer? i'm writing fanfiction. like who the fuck cares)

(but perhaps i could be a serious writer someday, like i always wanted.)

(circle back to, "but why would they hire me when they could hire someone better and more talented?")

idk. i'm just tired. i'm tired of being in my own head and not allowing myself the grace to say hey, it's okay if your writing isn't Pulitzer Prize worthy. it's okay if it's not as good as someone else's. it's okay if no one reads it or no one likes it, cause its yours and you should like it, and that's all that really matters in the end.

i'm also just physically and mentally tired from life and work and society and i imagine that's a much bigger factor in all of this than i'm giving it credit for. i punch out after 8+ hours of staring at medical records on a giant, blinding screen and i'm like, what are words? what are thoughts? i don't have any

(side note, i really feel like that job in particular has sucked the life out of me entirely. i used to be creative. i used to do things i liked, even if they weren't particularly good. i used to be... well, smart. i feel like i've regressed. or maybe i was never actually that smart or creative to begin with. BUT that's another rant for another time) (can you tell i'm a former "gifted student")

anyway, this turned into a really long and unnecessary rant about my deepest insecurities, but moral of the story: maybe i should stop reading fic for a while if i actually want to get something done without feeling terrible about myself in the process.

excuse me while i go, well... not write, probably.

[timechange]

MCFLY JULY ‘24 — “don’t need money, don’t take fame.”

APRIL 28, 2011

“Dad?”

Marty is never, ever gonna get tired of hearing that. He immediately stops, setting his pen down and the freshly signed CDs aside and giving his full attention to Emmett, who is hanging around the doorway like he still isn’t sure, after almost thirteen years, if he’s allowed to come in.

“Hey, kiddo,” Marty greets warmly, his son flashing him a small smile. “What’s goin’ on?”

Emmett looks around before stepping inside, and Marty is reminded of when Ellie, after input from Jules and Verne, assigned everyone animals when she was nine. Uncle Doc’s a mantis shrimp, she’d proclaimed, Auntie Clara’s a bear, Dad’s a whale, Mom’s a raven, and Emmett’s a pangolin! While he’s not sure about the rest of her picks, her choice for her brother… Yeah, at times like this he can see the resemblance.

“Dad…” he tries again. “Dad, did we ruin your life?”

Marty’s kind of glad his abject, heart shattering horror at that statement coming from his son outweighs his impulse to laugh in disbelief at a statement that couldn’t be further from the truth.

“Of course not,” he reassures, opening his arms just in case his boy didn’t feel like he was too big for a hug. His son folds himself into him, burying his head in his shoulder. “The day you and Ellie were born,” Marty tells him, rubbing his back, “was pretty much the best day of my life.”

“…Even though Mom almost broke your hand?” Emmett asks, voice muffled, and Marty laughs.

“Yeah, even then. Y’know, if I could go back,” which he could, but his boy didn’t need to know that right yet, “I wouldn’t change a thing.”

Emmett starts to pull away and Marty lets him go, but still holds him at arm’s length.

“Now,” father asks son, “where’s all this coming from, huh? You’re not hanging around that Tannen kid again, are you?”

Emmett’s face twists in disgust.

“No, Dad, are you nuts? That whole family’s crazy.”

“Attaboy,” Marty says proudly.

“...I found some of your old concert videos on YouTube,” Emmett finally admits. “And Dad… you look like you’re havin’ the time of your life. How come you gave it all up? It was because of us, wasn’t it?” His brown eyes are big and watery and Marty squeezes his shoulders.

“Aw, Em,” Marty sighs. “I had a blast on tour, you’re right. Hangin’ out with the guys, getting to see the world… It was a lot of fun for a while, but when it stopped being fun, we quit. And I have a blast here, too, with you and your sister and your mom. If you ask me… that right there’s the adventure of a lifetime. I love music, and I’m always gonna play music, but it was never about any kinda fame or fortune for me.” What would superstardom be like? He can barely keep up with the merch and the interviews and the producers and the long nights at the recording studios and the music videos as it is. He’d hate being so far away from home, never getting a moment’s peace, never being able to breathe.

“Then… what was it about?” Emmett asks.

“Believing in myself,” Marty says after a moment of thought. “Getting my voice heard. Y’know, I was a lot like you when I was your age.”

“Really?” Emmett breathes, awestruck, as if unable to conceive such a thing. “But everybody says you’re like Ellie.”

“And I am.” It takes the wind out of him sometimes, how similar he and his daughter are. She’s just as fiery, just as creative, just as stubborn. Everyone’s always thought that, just like how people have always compared Emmett to Jennifer. But when he looks at his daughter, so often he sees his wife’s determination and intelligence, and when he looks at his son… sometimes he has to double check he’s not in the DeLorean.

“But I’m also like you, Em. It’s hard as hell being a kid, y’know? I remember. You got so many ideas and so many thoughts and you feel like you’re in this world that you don’t really understand yet and that’s gonna shoot you down every chance it gets. I just wanted somebody to see me, but that’s a scary thing. I tried real hard to pretend like I was tough and to make like I wasn’t afraid of anything… but I was terrified, kid. Still am, sometimes.” Marty rubs the back of his neck. “What I’m trying to say is, it’s okay not to be sure of yourself yet, and it’s okay to be open about your feelings. And whenever you wanna talk, I’m here for you, and there’s nowhere else I’d rather be. Got it?”

“Got it.” Emmett smiles and hugs him again. “I love you, Dad.”

“Love you too. So damn much.” Marty kisses the top of his son’s head and ruffles his dirty blond hair, which is immediately greeted with protest.

[thefederationfiles]

Uh? Hello?

/click/

Cellbit

Uh, hello? I’m not really sure how to start this... suppose I should introduce myself first, I am Cellbit, the new head archivist of the Federation Census Bureau. Still not entirely sure how I landed this position, but I’m not going to refuse it, a promotions a promotion in my eyes.

I was allowed to pick some assistants to help me out, they didn’t really give me a limit on how many I could pick (that they told me about) but I’ve decide to pick three, from various departments within the federation itself. Roier, from exploration, Fit from the clean-up crew and, Etoiles from security, all pretty chill guys, though sometimes ONE of them can get on my nerves…

But I digress.

My predecessor, Bagi, was a very organised woman, and everything, though weirdly done, is actually rather ordered when you think about it for more than five seconds. However, I personally enjoy audio recordings, if find them easier to listen back to if research is needed. For some strange reason however my usual recording equipment wont work, so here we are! With an old tape recorder I found in the desk here.

Anyways, suppose I should start the recording of the actual statement…

On then!

Statement of Phil… no last name given, regarding how he met his wife. Original statement given 23rd of February, 1934. Audio recording by Cellbit, Head archivist of the Federation, Census Bureau, recorded 27th of October 2023, recording begins.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, why the fuck is HE of ALL people giving a statement, well, consider it a gift! Don’t get so annoyed mate, I only want to repair the relations between us, trust me, just let me tell you my story! It’s a good one.

I first met her when I had supposedly died, I know, very typical of her, but I was just another guy back then! Well, like any self-respecting gentleman, I introduced myself. To say she was confused was an understatement, turns out you’re not meant to be able to speak after death, you’re not even meant to be able to move! Personally, I like to say it was love at first sight, she says, she despised me at first sight. To be fair to her, I was a man who couldn’t die, and her a woman who fed on the dying wishes of men, but plenty of couples have WAY bigger fights when they first meet!

Well, she let me go, I mean she couldn’t really take me, I wasn’t dead. For some reason though, we kept on bumping into each other, always when we were working as well so we could never have a proper conversation. Annoying right? She had to properly prepare the person for consumption, and I always had to get rid of the body! Really hard to flirt when you’re picking up organs that have been thrown against the walls (very messy as well, had to burn that shirt, I liked that shirt…).

To be honest, I always knew that I wasn’t normal, I mean there’s plenty of circumstances I’ve been in where I should’ve died, plenty! I just thought I was a lucky guy, but well, when one survives a hanging, people start to question a bit too much, and well, to put it simply I had to go into hiding! It was rather lonely; I mean don’t get me! It was nice, I made friends with the local crows, they turned into my first murder actually!

Anyways, it was about 25 years or so into this when she visited me, turns out she’d been getting pretty lonely herself! And, well, apparently the other immortal people she knows kept on trying to either fight her or get her to join their own groups, which, just rude! That is not how you get a lady’s attention! So she came to visit since were both so connected with death!

Well, she kept on visiting and eventually I realised everyone who wanted me dead would’ve been dead, so I came out of hiding! That was about 45 years ago, we got married a couple years after and well, you guys know the rest! We started our own group, made a pact with one of the hunts avatars, gotten pretty powerful!

Also I’ve learnt about all the guys and all that, kinda hard not too when you have my job!

Come on now, that’s what you wanted right? A story? A peace offering? Well there you have it! Enjoy, I have a meeting to get too.

/click/

/click/

Well. That was certainly something, I found that statement in the drawers of this desk when I was looking for stationery and thought it a good place to start.

I guess you could say I’m in shock? I mean it really just reassured what I’d already known, I knew stuff existed, I kinda needed too…

Either way, kinda hard to get information on a statement that’s nearly 100 years old, Fit was able to get some information on some serial killings from the 1800’s that he reckons might be related, but I say it’s a bit of a stretch.

/sigh/

Well, better than nothing for the first one! I swear I also heard him talking about an old war buddy…

/click/

[greensagephase]

Speaking of records? I doubt 2099 would have any stores, and I'm sure Miguel could easily make some sorta music to record device...

But I kinda like the idea of them maybe chilling in y/ns universe? And going into a cozy little record shop and browsing and maybe buying too many records but they're just laughing and poking fun at each other's music tastes?

Y/n's like, we've walked around your universe, lemme show you around mine as a thank you for letting me stay with you? And Miguel kinda gets to embrace a slower (aka our time) pace then what he's used too?

Hi, nonnie!! Thank you so much for the ask!! Also, I’m sorry for taking a bit to respond to your ask!! It's been a few days but I’m certain you’re talking about the lovely fanart I reblogged on Monday regarding Miguel’s record player. Life has been a little chaotic these last few days, so forgive me for the delay! 🥺

But okay, I love this ask so much!!!! I’ve never talked about the records situation in Miguel’s universe because sometimes I feel like I go too much into detail lol, but okay, yes!

I doubt records are easily accessible to people on Earth 928, or 928B, or whatever is Miguel’s official Earth number, however, I thought about our own reality and was inspired by that. So, very quickly, I’ll explain my thought process at least within Nonviolent Communication:

I thought about how most of us have digital access to music through our devices, and I imagine it’s similar in Miguel’s universe with all the high tech available to them, however, I know there’s still many people who love CDs, records, and/or cassettes.

Some of these individuals might be on the older side, and remain loyal to these because that’s what they grew up with, among other reasons, but I also know younger generations have taken a liking to them. For example, we’ve seen record players come back in full swing (I personally bought one myself when they first started becoming a thing again) and I think CDs are also still somewhat popular (?), so when thinking about Miguel’s universe, I imagined there might be a possibility that people in this universe also experience(d) similar trends in regards to this.

It’s why in one of the latest chapters I also incorporated cassettes. I included the small detail that that specific cassette player and cassettes belonged to Gabriel, hinting that Miguel also owned/owns some and that cassettes made a return at some point before Gabriel died, even if it was a short one.

Side note: Lowkey, I imagined it was probably when they were older teens. I had this little thought (while writing that scene) of young Miguel and Gabriel riding in a car and having a cassette adapter for it because it was the current popular trend for people their age!

Then, I also mentioned Miguel buying records from his own universe after reader gifted him the record player. So, going along with my line of thinking, I thought there could be a small online market for these kinds of items that are not popular or the norm in Miguel’s advanced society, but it's supported by people who are fond of them (and who might even collect them as historical pieces), allowing for a small online market to exist. So, yeah, this is my reasoning for Miguel being able to buy some records in his universe, but there’s not the same variety nor accessibility there is in our universe within the fic.

Of course, that’s just me taking liberties with such details in my fic, but I tried making it a little realistic to our own reality, and thought it would be a fun thing to add!

But anyway, I LOVE THAT IDEA!!! I have a few moments planned out with Miguel and reader strolling around her universe in future chapters already, but this one…???

!!!

I can already see Miguel searching through tall shelves, his eyes scanning all the titles and being in awe at how many records there are available. He’s probably in a daze at the mere fact that there’s dedicated shops in dulzura’s universe for them tbh, like he knows they exist but seeing and being in one makes him feel like now he knows knows, you know? He’d find artists he recognizes from his own dimension and gets all giddy about the fact that he’s found their records. And of course, being our universe and keeping an eye on him to see his reaction, we notice him - the way his eyes sparkle with delight and the cute little smile of excitement along with the way he picks them up with such delicacy!! 🥺

Okay, I’m def getting carried away here, so I’ll stop myself but nonnie… I have added the idea to the NC folder!! 🙂‍↕️Expect the moment soon, especially with us moving out shortly!! 😊 (I wanna live with Miguel for longer tho😔)

Thank you so much for the ask, nonnie!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day/night!! 🥰🫶🏼

Alondra❤️

[donascozylivingroom]

EVERY PERSON IN YOUR LIFE IS RIGHT. 😅

This is a version of "Every person in your life is a lesson and a test"

Now what do I mean by this?

You know how you sometimes want to achieve something, and you tell people around and they're like: nah, you can't do that, it's too hard, etc?

Well, they are right. Your subconscious doesn't like change, so if you try to start something new, the people around you will reflect that. But it's deeper than that. Because if you give up because of naysayers, you proved "them", in the illusory external world, right... 😅

So you not moving forward and being consistent with your new affirmations, your new business, your new skincare routine, etc, it's either:

A. Proof you are NOT ready to change

B. Proof you are not willing to change despite your ego trying to keep you safe.

But it's okay. Because every person is a lesson and a test.

When I met my arch nemesis, she cursed me into oblivion. I tried to curse her back and got bad karma. I hated her. The moment she kinda disappeared from view was when I finally told her in my mind "I love you" so much, opposing my own ego that wanted to win, not be humbled.

My mom stressed me out most of my life. Turns out she was put in my life for karmic reasons (which is never about fault and guilt but about learning lessons the soul came to learn). She taught me f***ing patience and still is. She's finally retired and the more she is recovering from decades of hard work by just chilling, she is turning into this beautiful, intelligent woman that I love being around.

We had a complicated relationship because she's an Aries, I'm a Saggi with Lilith in Aries (meaning I can't stand Aries women lol), and for probably like 21 years my ego's goal was to "escape my mom", meaning move to another country and not talk to her until I feel like I have empowered myself so much that I can finally speak to her without her overpowering me and dominating me energetically, basically.

But there is no one out there taking your power away or truly being more powerful than you, chill, you're just learning a lesson about power. Maybe how to be powerful without hurting others.

Maybe you feel judged. Then why do you friggin judge yourself and other so much? Especially others lol. That's a tough cookie, we all judge, but we wouldn't know others judge us unless we judged others.

And you wanna be loved, so you feel like you lack love, but how have you shown yourself love, as well as others? you don't have to move from your spot at all, just imagine u're hugging someone, or hugging the earth or whatever ET you like lol. Hug yourself too. Hug your little child inside that feels lonely or not chosen or upset you're not giving it play time: watercolors, stretching, a walk outside, anything.

So you see, everyone you meet is a lesson and a test. Things that are easy to do can be fun, but look at the things you consider hard: that's almost always where the soul lesson lies.

For example for me I'm afraid to go outside because I feel like people are unsafe, but my akashic record reader told me my biggest lesson in this life is about connection with other human beings and feeling safe beyond the online/virtual world.

And let's take the one I've been battling with most of my life: money. I mean what I've learned from trynna manifest big amounts of money was I had to stop putting them on a pedestal, and I had to let go of the desire, truly. I mean, it's better to dettach than obsessively manifest with a huge feeling of lack. Some of you might not get this now, but there comes a point when you just need to give up on your hardest to get desires, like: what if nothing ever changes? what if I don't succeed! Would that be so bad? Would that be so horrible? Because as it is right now I have so many things to be grateful.

When I finally reconnected with God/Source I askem him/her desperately: Why??? Why don't you just give me money? And they said: "Why don't you see all of my gifts?" And I thought like yeah, I'm f****ing dumb. Of course, I have to be grateful for what I have now, otherwise I'll always be looking for more and not stopping to smell the flowers 😅.

And all of this, even money, has to do with our relationships with other people, because money influences these relationships deeply, whether you lack em, you have em, or you have tons of it. And it's those little voices that people around you or even people in your imagination have once, let's say, you have the money.

I wanna mention I script and affirm throughout the day, and I get these downloads lately and some our through suffering. There's this guy who says if you wanna suffer less, learn your lessons faster so let's pray we do that 🙏🏻🌸 Bless y'all 🦋🙏🏻

[total-drama-takes-takes-2]

tti episode 25 - version 2

“For the past eight weeks, you have been watching Fren, Joner, Peter, Kitty, Mal, O, Sha-Mod, Frollo, Caesar, Austin, Scruffy, Kelly, Courtney, Scary, Max, Staci, Patrick, Bonnie, Ass, and Julia compete in the most heinous, disgusting, dangerous challenges reality TV has seen since 2007. You have watched them laugh, cry, love and receive various injuries, and it’s all come down to this! Two campers remain, and by sundown, only one will be left standing! That winner will go home with a check for one million dollars and the pride of having survived this crummy camp. Our two final campers are about to fight it out in a battle of the exes here on Total! Takes! Island!”

“Welcome back to the island. It's been a grueling past two months for our finalists, so we asked them to record their thoughts before the final challenge,” Chris smiles, pacing around the currently-empty mess hall. 

---

MCLOVIN: “I guess I had a good time. I made a lot of new friends,”

---

MICHAEL: “Now people hate my existence and want to kill me! Great job at making new friends, Michela!"

---

MCLOVIN: “I’m not too surprised I made it this far. It’s like my mom always says, a positive attitude can get you anywhere!”

---

MICHAEL: “I’m honestly shocked I haven’t given up yet. I mean, I was so sure I’d be a mid-season boot and now I’m a finalist!”

---

MCLOVIN: “The food? It was okay... when it wasn’t trying to kill me,”

---

MICHAEL: “Don’t even get me started on the supposed “food” we had to eat. It’d probably be inhumane to serve that stuff to dogs,”

---

MCLOVIN: “The rats in the kitchen wouldn’t even touch it,”

---

MICHAEL: “And the people?”

---

MCLOVIN: “The people were awesome! Sure, there were some fights, but I’ve never met so many amazing friends than on this island!”

---

MICHAEL: “-a bunch of lazy, stubborn, self-centered jerks who only cared about themselves,”

---

MCLOVIN: “Sha-Mod and I share a psychic bond! We’re soulmates- bromates! I meant bromates!”

---

MICHAEL: “Max is probably one of the most stubborn, rude, unapologetically mean people I’ve ever met, and… I am so glad I met him. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

---

MCLOVIN: “Courtney has the coolest hair ever, Julia is super smart…”

---

MICHAEL: “I guess that’s about it, really,”

---

MCLOVIN: “What will I be remembered for?” he pauses to think. “My personality!”

---

MICHAEL: “Um… my hair?”

---

MCLOVIN: “Or maybe these!” he stands on the toilet and stomps, his light-up Sketchers blinking.

---

Chris leaves the mess hall after announcing the final curtain call will be in thirty minutes. Michael sighs and slumps forward. 

“What’s the matter?” McLovin asks, spooning their final crummy camp meal. 

“I guess I’m just kind of disappointed I didn’t accomplish anything I came here for,” 

“What do you mean? We did lots of awesome stuff and met tons of awesome people!”

“No,” Michael frowns at him. “You did tons of awesome stuff and met tons of awesome people. I just made a bunch of enemies and humiliated myself on national television hundreds of times.”

McLovin’s smile drops and he looks at her. “That’s kind of a depressing way to look at it,”

“That’s reality, dude,”

A silence falls over the two McLovin sighs. 

“Do you think anything’s gonna be the same after we go home?”

“Honestly? Not at all. I just don’t know if I can stay friends with you and Joner after everything. I’ll be alone, but maybe that won't be such a bad thing,” she says, kicking back and putting her feet on the table. “I’ll be putting myself first for once, anyway.”

“Well… I kinda understand. If that’s what you want, then that’s cool. I respect that,” McLovin says, saluting her. “I just wish we could’ve made up.”

“Sometimes that’s too much to ask. I wish you would’ve shown you’ve changed instead of just apologizing,” she stands, leaving her bowl behind half-empty and her former friend with a contemplative look on his face.

---

“Alright, campers!” Chris says, leading the two between a pair of wooden bleachers out in the forest. Michael and McLovin can see a track extending into the woods, and both know without saying that that’s where they’re heading next. “Time to welcome back the twenty losers who did not make it here with you today!”

The former competitors walk from the docks. McLovin waves to his friends, who merrily wave back. No one even looks at Michael as they pass to the bleachers. 

“Everyone who is not competing, please take a seat in the peanut gallery of failure! The side you choose should represent who you’re rooting for in the finale,” Chris says, directing the crowd to the bleachers behind him. Each has a large banner with either contestant's face on it. 

Sha-Mod and Courtney are the first to sit on McLovin’s side, followed shortly by just about everyone else. Only one person is sitting in Michael’s gallery. 

Max waves from the empty bleachers. Michael smiles and waves back. 

“Okay, a little surprising, but wow,” Chris says. “Can we get a few more volunteers to pity-join? Makes it more suspenseful.”

“Come on, guys!” McLovin yells to his supporters. “Michael is really… cool and nice and stuff!”

A few contestants raise eyebrows. He sighs. “Staci, Scruffy- um, the tall one- Peter, Kelly,”

Much to their annoyance (and McLovin’s surprise at having people actually listen to him) all of the selected losers get up and move without complaint. Michael rolls her eyes, but she still gives McLovin a slightly grateful look. 

Max hops down from the bleachers and runs over to her, ducking under Chef before he can stop him. “You got this, okay?” he says, holding her hands. 

Chris rolls his eyes and jabs a thumb in their direction, sending Chef over to collect him. Chef grabs Max by the back of his collar and drags him back to the stands. “I believe in you!” he yells before he’s promptly sat down. 

Frollo sits in the middle space between the bleachers on the ground, eternally reading his Bible. 

Chris walks over. “Um, dude, you gotta pick a side,”

He rolls his eyes. “Both of these players are sinners, and-”

Chef walks over, picks him up, and tosses him onto Michael’s side, the few losers already there ducking to avoid him as he shrieks and flies across the screen. 

“Go, MC!” Courtney shouts. 

“Yeah, go support the endless cog of capitalism!” Ass says sarcastically. Courtney smacks them upside the head. 

“McLovin, this is your chance to tell the peanut gallery what you would do with the money if you won,” Chris says, pointing at him. He smiles. 

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I finally chose just two things I’d want to do with the money,” he says. “First, I’d save half of it for art school and my future living expenses.”

Joner and Michael both raise an eyebrow. 

“And then with everything I have left, I would give everyone who competed on this show an even portion of the money. Including Michael!” 

Everyone aws at that, and everyone on Michael’s side aside from Max silently gets up and walks back over to McLovin’s. Even Frollo’s unconscious body slumps off the stands and rolls over to the other bleachers. Max groans and smacks his forehead. 

“Michael?”

“I would probably save most of it in a secure bank account for my future. And maybe get new skates,”

Everyone stares at her blankly. She sighs. 

“Alright, it’s time for the final challenge: the rejected Olympic relay race!” Chris shouts. “There are three parts: first, each of you has to put on one of these,” he smiles, holding a chicken hat in his right hand and a cow hat in his left. He hands one to each. “Dressed in your very special uniforms, you will run to the first location and shimmy up the pole to grab your flag. Next, you’ll cross a 300m balance beam suspended across a massive gorge while carrying an eagles egg. After is a long distance run back to this location. Whoever gets here first wins!”

The peanut galleries cheer as Michael and McLovin look at each other. 

“Good luck,” he says, adjusting his chicken hat. “You deserve to win.”

Michael stares. “I don’t need your pity,”

“Go, McLovin!” Sha-Mod shouts from the stands. 

“Kick her ass, MC!” Julia yells before a large rock from Michael’s bleachers hits her in the back of the head. She slumps onto Scruffy in the row below, unconscious. 

“Anyone else?!” Max yells from offscreen. 

“Ready!” Chris shouts, waving around a checkered flag. “Set? Go!”

McLovin and Michael start off, the latter in the lead. Michael reaches the flagpole first and takes a leaping jump to the base, scaling it with ease. 

The pencil arrives next and attempts to inch his way up the pole like a worm. “Use your freakishly long limbs!” Ass yells from the stands, still dizzy from Courtney's blow. 

McLovin whimpers and extends his arms higher, grabbing the flag at the same time Michael hops off. 

“How do I get down?!” he yells. 

“Figure it out! You got this!” Courtney yells back. 

McLovin frowns and jumps down, landing on his butt. The crowd winces. 

“Get up, dude!” Sha-Mod yells. “She’s not far ahead!”

Michael approaches the gorge and peers over the edge, where sharks are swimming in the water below the thin, rickety planks of wood. She swallows nervously but runs back around to the eagles nest behind her, grabbing an egg and hiding it in her parka before she begins to cross. 

McLovin follows, snatching an egg and holding it above his head while closing his eyes and screaming, running across the thin plank of wood. 

“You might wanna look where you’re going, dude!” Chris shouts. “Those eggs weren’t for nothing!”

A few campers catch up to the players, stopping behind Chris and looking around the skies nervously. 

Scruffy yells from the edge of the gorge. “McLovin, there are eagles! Huge eagles! And-” another rock hits them square in the temple and they fall backwards. Max tosses another stone from one hand to the other while glaring at the other losers. 

“What did they mean by-” Michael starts before a massive eagle swoops down and lunges for McLovin's exposed egg, talons extended. 

He barely manages to duck, but is thrown off-balance and wobbles around on one foot. The peanut gallery (now on their feet) gasps and watches in terror as he falls to his butt on the plank, but manages to keep himself out of the shark infested waters. 

Michael reaches the other side, pulling the egg out of its hiding place and setting in the nest on stable ground. She starts running again, McLovin (still shaking) not far behind. 

The track takes the two right through camp. “Almost there!” Max yells, one of the campers running behind the contestants. 

“Come on, MC, you got this!” Sha-Mod shouts, a few steps behind Max. “This part is the easiest!”

As he says that, McLovin steps over a suspiciously elevated dirt mound and a huge explosion lets off behind him. 

“What was that?!” Michael shouts as another explosion sounds. 

“Oh, yeah, we had some leftover landmines!” Chris shouts into his megaphone from a safe distance. “Enjoy!”

“Jerk!” Michael snaps, narrowly dodging another massive landmine explosion that takes out the confessional booth.

"Watch out!" McLovin yells, pointing out various lumps of dirt ahead of her.

"I don't need your help!" she snaps back. "I'm not your pity case!"

"What is it gonna take for you to forgive me?!"

"Move. ON!" she shouts, speeding up ahead and jumping over every landmine visible. Another one explodes, sending McLovin backwards.

He screams in terror, covering his eyes and running blindly when he gets up. 

“Get a grip!” Ass yells from behind. “Stop being such a coward!”

“No!” he shouts back. 

Scary scoffs. “Why don’t you just let her win then, nice guy?!”

McLovin frowns and whimpers, standing and stumbling forward. "I can do this!" he affirms himself, a few cheers sounding from the sidelines.

He runs up to Michael, shoving her out of the way as the finish line comes into sight. She falls on her butt and yelps.

"This is pointless!" she yells, refusing to stand. "Who even cares!"

A voice from the sidelines sounds out. "Chel!"

She turns. "Max?"

He waves from off the course, avoiding the landmine-covered track. "You can't give up! Remember what I told you! You didn't come here to make friends!"

Michael sighs. She closes her eyes and stands shakily, clenching her fists. "I want to win,"

"More enthusiasm!"

"I want to win!" she starts off running.

"Yes!"

"I WANT TO WIN!" she yells, catching up to McLovin and shoving him.

"There's my girl!"

His thin body shudders like a piece of paper in the wind and he flies backwards from the force of the push as she crosses the finish line seconds before him.

The peanut gallery cheers, abandoning McLovin on the dirt trail and surrounding Michael.

Max forces everyone in the crowd out of the way, throwing his arms around her and kissing her. The peanut gallery oohs and he glares.

"Mind your own business!"

"And Michael is the winner of Total Takes Island!" Chris says, walking over with a huge check. "Congratulations, camper!"

Chef nods. "Could've seen that one coming,"

Sha-Mod manages to squeeze through the crowd and run over to McLovin, still flat on the ground. He helps him up and hugs him.

"You did good!"

"Yeah, but not good enough," McLovin coughs, wiping the dirt off his pants.

Sha-Mod shrugs. "So? We'll have to work a little harder for our dream house. But we're still getting one, there's no way I'm giving up on a mansion with my boyfriend,"

McLovin blushes and looks over. “Did you mean bromate? Cause I made the same-”

“Nah,” Sha-Mod says, leaning on McLovin’s shoulder. “Bromate’s platonic.”

The crowd continues stirring with excitement as Michael walks past, hand-in-hand with Max. She smiles and gives one last wave to McLovin, who waves back, before the two part ways. 

---

“Here we are at the last TTI bonfire ceremony ever,” Chris says, smiling at the entire cast as they sit around the pit. “After eight brutal weeks of torture, infections, and drama, our season winner is Michael!”

The campers cheer, congratulating Michael as she sits near the center of the group, Max leaning his head on her shoulder.

“Michael, the final marshmallow,” Chris grins, tossing her the treat. She catches it and smiles. “A symbol of prosperity. Treasure it for the rest of your life.”

“Sure," she says, tossing it into the fire seconds later. Max laughs.

The crowd returns to talking amongst each other as Chef comes out of the mess hall with more marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers for s'mores.

“I don't think I did so bad for last place,” Fren says, kicking back. 

Staci (now bleach blonde, thanks to Kelly’s handiwork) shrugs as she sits between their two friends. “You survived, at least,”

“And we got a right groovy finale, baby!” Austin says, patting her on the back. “Great season, baby!”

“Thank you, Austin,” Chris says smugly. “And to all you viewers at home- thank you for supporting us here at Total Takes Island! We all hope you had a good time watching these teens fight to the death, and we can’t wait to see you next season!”

Everyone turns to him. “NEXT SEASON?!”

[haeroniel-doliet]

Bonus content: heres the super speed summary of how I struggled through the dinluke big bang piece I started over 80 days ago! More thoughts and details on my process below to cut

- Overall wanna post this with all the flaws galore for my future self, not at all because I've just left the record function on, forgot about it and now I have this!

- Good reminder that the worst thing is blank paper and just getting something down okay, rough simple lines convey ideas its all good!

- Drawing on an airplane produces questionable results (the first more refined lines, not NEARLY enough references in use)

- Speaking of, never regretted following a reference over trying to improvise. I feel like it always looks better (that smoke is one good example!)

- Redrawing and redrawing sometimes is so worth it, other times you should just let it be and move on (those first trees before the yellow dotting were kinda okay honestly!)

- Less all sorts of different brushes is better, for consistency :')

- Theres many parts I'd forgotten that in hindsight maybe look better than the end result (like overall composition being bigger and with better feeling of space) but choices were made and I gotta choose to be happy with and proud of the completed piece, afterall its better than all the dusty never finished wips.

- Definitely didn't quite follow the big bang deadlines, I'm sorry :') in general I'd consider that greyscale to be 20% sure (proof of idea and a layout figured out!) But hilariously after what I posted for even 80% I went and redid all that work. (Maybe its not actually totally redoing if you're making the same just improved! All the ground work took its own time and I wasn't starting from scratch at all.)

- At the very end it gets abruptly cut off, despite asking the program to leave on the last frame for a bit... Then I remembered the panic I had just yesterday, because the file for these screenshots took up too much disk space and caused Krita to crash, losing all the progress of like good bit of little adjustments and corrections. I guess I never turned the recording back on, so the very final few hours are missing, but thats okay! This is not professional! (Spot the absolutely tiny differences with the final image posted :p)

-Also realizing after many a rewatch, there's been some glitch with it not recording me recolouring the characters entirely!! How sad, but you can see the difference from when they pop up around the time I'm redoing the trees and at 02.53 and when they return all redone at 03.07

- Theres a lot I don't love, theres a lot that could be better if done differently, but I really have to start being okay with being done rather than perfect!

- Really proud of myself for dedicating to doing a more involved and detailed background/scene than i've ever done before digitally. I've pushed beyond my comfort zone of just characters with a hint of a background, it will get better from here!

- Did I need to post this with all sorts of bits missing? No, definitely not, but hopefully someone will find this interesting, and my future self feels that this was helpful!

[sandutita]

okay, i think i need to make a vent. but a good vent, kinda?

i am so fucking into writing stories and animations right now.

there's been so many difficulties regarding those things, in writing i've struggled with picking the setting, stuff that drives the plot forward, plot points that actually make sense, and all in all writing an actually good story. it's been fucking difficult and there have been lots of feelings of hopelessness and frustration. but i never, ever, had thoughts of giving up.

sometimes i questioned my innate capabilities as a writer, whether there's something inherent within me that prevents me from being a good writer, and whether the fact that i never read books impedes my writing abilities, but i never considered to stop trying. you know why? because there's a deep passion and desire within me to tell a story, to be in control, and to awaken emotions of awe, shock and impression within other people with my content. and i want to make something that's completely original, i want to create a show with my own little blorbos to throw about and fuck up. i don't know if that'll ever happen, i don't know what the future holds, or what i'll do or when i'll do it. but i do know that i want to leave some sort of impression before i die. i want to make a difference. i want to make people care.

and when it comes to animation? hhhhhhhhhhholy mother of FFFFFFFUCK. i've been wanting to make animations for so long but there's always been an obstacle or an excuse that prevented me from learning how. but now i think i'm FINALLY getting there. i started a big animation project two months ago. i don't know when it'll be finished, certainly not soon. i think i'll keep that project on hold for now until i can get myself a better PC, there's a little bit too much lag for me to feel comfortable going on. i know i'm good at animating, i've been getting a lot better at it these last couple of years. i have SOOO many ideas for different animations, and i'm just dying to bring them to life.

there's a constant feeling in my head that i have to do things like this as quickly as possible because life is fragile and i could die at any moment. i could be killed in a car accident tomorrow, so i need to make the most of the time i have, cus none of us know how much of it we have left. but for the record, i am not burdened by a fear of an impending doom or anything like that. my impatience just stresses me out a little and i'm trying to be better about that. i just need to remember to be patient and perseverant. all good things take time.

and the PC building? holy fucking shit that's a whole other thing. i REALLY want to make informed decisions when i purchase different components because i want my computer to be as appropriate for me and my needs as possible. maybe i'm being a bit too much of a perfectionist. i just don't want to make any decisions that i'll regret later on, and i am NOT fluent in PC specifications jargon.

idk. it's hard. maybe i'll eventually get there, i just need to keep holding on. i don't want to even try to predict the future, i'm just gonna keep going and see what happens. wish me luck?

[oraclemoontarot]

what saddens me too is a lot of the kid friendly songs are often mocked for being disneyesque and while i do agree i really think kids these days dont have much appropriate for them like and idol performances have become so crude that male idols imparticular almost take so much enthusiasm from being half naked almost down to their boxers to get their 15 yo fans screaming for it rather than their actual skills and i think of many who over use this tactic to get further attention again it was okish at first now its like oh yup another shirtless one with abs whoopdedo and i dont understand why when we had music in the 00s it was relatively delightful nothing to neffarious in terms of disney lowkey sometimes i still listen to hannah montana occasionally cause i miss just having that normal feeling about a song without it being too crude and i know idols kinda go along with it and they cant always stick to doing the same kid style stuff like sneakers for itzy got named and shamed but i was thinking if i was 15 years old id have loved that song same with dalla dalla and their other ones it was just a nice feeling i got from it. even when i look at twice they havent really shown much growth other than doing slightly more western full english songs and its not that riveting as they first were i dont expect them to stay in an innocent phase but maybe groups with minors could be for kid family friendly market. give them hannah montana 2.0 idc itd be fun for them to experience what we got to experience back in the non internet days. let kids be kids. its bad enough sephora is around for them to obsess about and dont even get me started on stanley mugs.

THIS ‼️ I absolutely go ham over the kid friendly songs, or cute songs in general, especially during the summer or winter time. My favourite songs are literally candy, my first and last by nct dream, and just right by got7.

Enhypen even had songs for, I think, children shows? They're really cute too.

You're right though, kids really don't have many content or songs for them apart from what, cocomelon (can write a whole paper on why I think that should not even exist)? And, for older children... what do they have for them? What happened to Disney channel or Cartoon Network? Shows like Phinneas and Ferb, Hannah Montana, Suite life on deck etc. That's called a childhood. And even as adults, they're still enjoyable at times, including the songs.

FINALLY a sneakers enjoyer. I thought it was catchy in a good way - fun and bright. Not everything has to be a lyrical genius, 'chic', or 'mature'.

I find myself nodding to every single line I read of your message 😭 I agree wholeheartedly. 00s music was so, so good. It felt genuine, like the artists and producers genuinely loved music and were in it solely for that rather than for just fame and recognition. Don't get me wrong, wanting fame isn't bad, but doing so without a passion for music feels soulless.

For me, I absolutely find showing skin unnecessary, in terms of stripping and going full out shirtless. There's no need for that on every song or stage. Thought that was an unpopular opinion, but I feel like it takes away from the appreciation of the artistry? You could be doing the most intense choreo, release such an intricate and well-produced song with incredible vocals but, the moment you go on stage shirtless, that's all everyone would talk about. You spent hours in the recording studio and dance practice room just for it to be mostly for no reason.

The last part took me out; Sephora and Stanley mugs 😭 At this rate, those are probably the most innocent things they could be doing compared to everything else, which is concerning. I love when kids dress like kids - tutus, superhero outfits, bold bright colours and sparkles etc. It's part of the fun of being a child, of enjoying the little things that, socially, wouldn't be accepted as adults. For older children, letting them be silly, imaginative and finding the joy in simple shows. Let them in on mako mermaids and ben 10. But instead they're watching content for 16 year olds at 9, and people wonder why they grow up so scarily fast.

Honestly, the years between 2000-2004 were perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way. It was between the internet and the non-internet - the best of both worlds in a balanced way.

[shoppingshoppingshoppingshopping]

Listen/purchase: I'm Sorry That Happened so Fast by Local Teen

OK new album write up time.

Well, it looks like I screwed up the release date and set it for september 2023 when it was supposed to be september 2024. so the question is will it always be out of order for the rest of time or will i be able to fix it at some point?

cdbaby as usual has awful support and still hasn't gotten back to me to fix the date. why is support so bad everywhere? anyway....

I was doing all the boring technical stuff as i thought it was ready and then cdbaby rejected my files. apparently they don't take 96k audio. so now i am opening up each session and having to re-render at 44/16. Which is a total drag cuz now i have to relisten to the entire album again. I love most of these songs but i am also so damn sick of them now after hearing them 1000 times.

all these songs except the neat neat neat cover are from 2019. Meaning I started them then. Many were just chords and maybe a melody. A few had lyrics and were mostly done except needed clean up and a mix.

ok so first song,

away from home: this one I think I had almost everything except lyrics. All those were recorded this year. This album took forever to put together. I think I finally sat down and decided to finish it right after I released the last one. Lemme check. Oh crap that was december 2023! Damn I take forever. Or not. I know what I like and i get pickier as time goes on. I guess this is just what it takes.

I am finding I have less desire to polish old songs that don't have much to grab me. Like one of the ones in this pile was this really cool bass line and drums. I've spent maybe 20 hours trying to shape it into a song and I haven't figured out yet how to do that. There are a few like this. A few albums back I wouldn't give up and would eventually find it. But I dunno. It's just so much effort and pain. When I have literally 100s of songs that will come together easier when I finally get to them. So I'm wondering why bother.

Another lesson is that album of unfinished songs I put out. A few of those will come on my spotify shuffle and now I can hear exactly how to finish them. So the lesson there is wait. It might come. If not? that's OK. This is life. Ya gotta let go sometimes. There is pain in making music/art. It's uncomfortable. The hard part is figuring out what kind of torture is good and what isn't.

Anyway, Away from home has lyrics about a violent cartel crime situation. I love crime movies. I just rewatched michael clayton again for the 10th time? it's so good. Pulp fiction too. Which took a while to pull me in but after the overdose I was in all the way and didn't want to leave it. Butch's girlfriend isn't as bad as Bill Simmons says she is. In fact she's just fine. John Maclane yelling to himself in the car felt a little forced very "acting".

BTW it's taking at least 20 minutes just to open the 3rd song session. I think there's over 250 tracks in there.

Listening back. Away from home chorus is sooooo good. I couldn't stop myself from recording this really jazzy harmonies. My music theory talk sounds like I know something but really I aint shit but I think there's like 9ths and 7ths and diminished somethings in there.

I played the broken cello I got from craigslist free on this. Some wood glue and a jerry rigged "clamp" using ratchet tie downs and it's playable. I have no idea how to play the cello but I was able to get some good sounds out of it for this song.

2: use a hoe

this is kinda funny. i found an earlier version of this. Spent MONTHS on it. Then towards the end of wrapping up the album figured I needed one more song. Went into the next batch of unfinished songs and found this version. I thought it was so much better. It was completely done except for some clean up and much needed mix changes.

lyrics are about some of the poor folks I spent a lot of time around when I lived in florida. when people say "i don't get trump voters" I always think "Ah you never spent any meaningful time with different kinds of people."

this is one of the negatives of tiered experiences like fast pass at an amusement park or anything not general admission at an event. a society is better when different people mix in positive ways over a shared enjoyment.

It's funny that this is bragging now but my florida experience gave me bonds with fresh off the boat Hatians, Cubans and pretty much all of latin America, not to mention kids whose family have definitely been at a KKK BBQ before (or maybe it was just a rumor that everyone that lived near moon lake was KKK. I dunno. I was too scared to go) and just all sorts of people with lots of debt, loyalty to the strangest things, strong family bonds hidden under resentment and the types of folks the media just never ever shows you.

Lower Middle Class life just isn't romantic. There's a fair amount of substance use, lots of humor, missing teeth and bad tattoos on even worse skin. That doesn't make for good streaming content. One lady I knew had no front teeth and her car was literally infested with roaches. You'd see them crawling all over the seats at any time of day. how the florida heat didn't kill them? I have no idea. Also if her car was like this what was her trailer for of kids like?

Who are they going to cast to depict her in a show? Glenn Close? She has the face of a shoe that only rich people know about.

i'm solid to maybe upper middle class now but those folks still exist inside me like guardian angels. They write a lot of my lyrics. I get them but i also resent them for not doing what i would do. not that that's right, but just reporting from subconscious.

When I was 16 working in fast food, I worked with a 40 year woman named BJ. She said it was short for something like "Billie gives the best blow jobs". Kids, the 90s were wild. or maybe just florida or both. This lady also was kind of illiterate and her kid names on his birth certificate was "BRAIN" no Brian. I hope she's doing well but I doubt it. The world has changed in a way that hasn't been protective of folks like that. That's just sad. I liked these people. We worked together as team. There is a special bond you gain when working on a time crunchy environment. I hope they made it out of poverty OK or least didn't go lower.

3: send the girls over

This was one of those songs I couldn't stop writing. It was so inspiring. So many ideas and lyrics. I saw a songwriting friend recently and told him I wanted to be better at lyrics. Then I went back to finish this song and saw that I'm not crap. I can pull it off sometimes. Cuz I am so proud of these lines:

so you didn't want to lie yet we did watch it grow that thing upon your face that drips when you get cold that looks down on the poor turns up when you get old through which you soon will pay for sticking it where it surely doesn't go

Keith Hopkin of The Blue Album Group and Asobi seksu sang on the woah parts. I love his voice. We used to be in a Weezer cover band together.

So did my nephews, probably the missus as well. I had anyone that came over sing on those woahs for a few weeks.

I just love this song. Listening to it now the "I knew it was you part" still gives me chills. I also played the trumpets on this. I don't know how to play at all. Yet I was so inspired that when I hit record and blew my heart out and ya know what? the right notes just came out! I WAS FUCKING FEELIN' IT! God is good, man. I'm tellin' you.

That's the magic of music, man. It can make you do stuff you can't usually do. It's like a super power. I can feel my version of god in this moment. Thank you universe for the gift to stick with this craft and to keep trying to make songs I like. And thank you for the love I get to feel for myself when I hear what I made.

Ok now I feel exposed.

I'm pretty sure there's 250+ tracks in this. It became impossible to work on because it uses more resources than my computer can handle. But nevertheless he persisted.

4: come on baby

there's a version with 3 other parts not in this one. They were more metal/butt rock than I like. So I wrote all new parts. And then ended up redoing everything. Vocally I was trying to find the right voice then heard a DFA1979 song and thought "oh I should try that".

My les paul through my orange tiny terror is the perfect guitar tone for this kind of song. Its my favorite amp/gtr combo just because when it's right it's just perfect. It's just not always right for each song.

5: why start now - a classic vibe of "why bother? let's get ta slackin'". feels very 90s to me.

I love my funky bass lines. I feel like I should show them off more cuz I do some pretty cool stuff sometimes.

You know what's very un 90s? The amount of self love I have for my work as I write this today. It took lots of therapy, will power and the desire to change to get here. Don't get me wrong I hear the "you suck" voice daily. Just now I thought "you're being really honest here. We feel vulnerable. don't do this" then another voice said "no one listens to your music and never will so who cares?". Then another voice said, "just be in your creative space and flow. this is a gift to have this. so many people wish they could make things. you're lucky".

This song had a completely different feel. Then I went on a dancehall trip with my spotify deep dives and realized I should try that. Re did the drums. Then realized lots of other stuff needed to be redone but cause it didn't work with my new groove. so yeah, this is a dancehall song. for me.

6: neat neat neat - i made this in like a week towards the end of my last album. it came together to quickly. i put it on there but then went i went to release it Landr was like "no covers otherwise you can't make any money from ANY of the other songs on the album".

So I am putting it on this one since I am using CDbaby to release this one and they won't ding all the other album tracks if they get lots of youtube streams.

Keith Hopkin sang on this too!

7: What we are

I have a slight headache. I probably have covid. this morning I had a million great ideas for a new song I am working on. I was also so excited to do all this admin work to release my new album. but now I just feel so scattered and can't wait for this to be over.

first line is something i remember steve albini saying in an interview when asked about movies or tv shows. talk about yucking someones yum! i often have to turn steve off in my head when i am watching something mediocre. i can see the acting and just how silly it all is.

i used a lot of 1176 compressors on the first version of this. ended up removing nearly all except on the gtrs. i dunno why but that thing never worked for me. I have friend that loves it. I don't like his drum sounds. but i get that it's a classic sound.

8: use a hoe slower

spent a long time trying to get this one to work. i like it's chill vibes.

Do I sing about being dead or alive a lot? I think I sang something similar on another song on this album. I dunno. I make a lot of music. I'm bound to repeat myself

Ok i'm done. I just did a proof reading pass about a week later. I definitely have covid. I toggle between dizzy, tired, confused, hungry and inspired to make dance music. I've started 3 tracks with beats and basslines and then stop. That's fine. It takes a lot of practice to get good at a new genre.

[taxfraudhousewife]

i’m way older than you now

i hate it

i’m trying not to hate myself unless it’s really necessary

didn’t today until i remembered im older than you

i did some sketch ass shit to donate esims

it’s not out of kidness

it’s absolutely every fuckin thing else

i made my mom watch athena and i know it’s nothing to do with anything

but i thought when family dies the rest of your fuckin family also experiences loss

is it that stupid do you think it’s stupid

you were on the unlucky side of lucky

i can’t fathom that

it felt like cold hard hell

not my fault but i did not mitigate the damage

you’d think i’d know how

it’s easy

i’m certain i’d know what to do if it happened again

i’m certain i’ll never be allergic to calling an ambulance

what did you do back home

still on the lucky side of unlucky

i’m allergic to bombs

it started with you and alej

then it became millions of people

i try not to waste young potential by planning how it ends

you would’ve finished school by now

you’d have a real job i like to think you’d have a serious boyfriend

we all decided you’re definitely gay

i wish you’d confirm or deny it

a seriozna what did you do back home

i’m allergic to how it sounds when the snapchat video is too long

you know alej recorded for way too long

fuckin sixteen pixels of hopefully someone worse than hitler

pretend we’re not the same

pretend it’s not ridiculous

everything fell apart after

it was like the world ended

you all got to be stupid boys

look where it got you

but i’m getting to that age when you start to crave it

what’s with all these dead kids these days

wish you could talk

wish you’d tell me it wasn’t worth it

you’re stupid boys with stupid ideas

it’s like you’re all born angry

but i’ve come out just as stupid

took me twenty years to get this angry

i’m so angry i forget i’m not a boy

i forget my labour and my love are women’s

i miss you guys

it was easier to do women’s work when everyone else did men’s

in general i knew i was a girl

despite the teasing

you didn’t tease me

you put on my moms heels

suddenly i wasn’t certain you were a boy

suddenly i could play with knives and still be a princess

i found out there’s a good chance we’re not related at all

you’re just some stupid boy who i lived with and loved with

no blood between us yet you were one of the few i felt fully related to

i have so many questions

did you know you were gay

did you know you were a boy

what did that mean for your brave cossack bloodline

what did it mean for your dad

what did he do

did he do it to you too

were you the cause or effect

the second you died they scattered like birds

and the second i knew they weren’t coming back for me

was the second i got old enough to fly away too

and i’ve so many questions

but the many men who loved you never learned how to speak

sometimes i think you’d have taught us how to grieve

that’s kinda funny

but you’d unlocked your gender chakra when you were sixteen

idve believed anything you told me

everyone was still trying to learn how to spell misogyny but you at least almost had a word for what you are

na seriozna how’d you do it back home

the real people who exist outside of christmas

i haven’t even accepted little masha got disintegrated

i assume she’s more real to you than she is to me

assume alej was too

please be proud of me

i’m not good at anything that makes me useful

i like to think you’d think that’s good thing

[purplesurveys]

1827

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? Yes, not because I imagine ghosts or because the night vibes are creepy – but because of cockroaches and lizards, lol. They come out at night and they will occasionally be the first thing you'll see when you switch on the bathroom lights, after which they'll frantically scurry away – and it's exactly the scurrying away that makes me jump back cause 1) you never know what direction they'll run off to, and 2) for cockroaches particularly, they MIGHT FLY.

Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, I was never subscribed to a magazine but this made me remember those little subscription leaflets they'd insert in every issue :') I never used them because we didn't have money for subscriptions.

How many websites do you have an account for? This is probably close to the 100s just because you kinda need an account for nearly every website to access their features.

Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Yes - I take care of my family's YouTube, Prime, Disney+, and Viu accounts; my dad covers Netflix. As for personal subscriptions, I have Spotify and a game I regularly play, for their perks lololol. Idk if it counts but there's also an animal shelter that offers a monthly membership tier and I pay for that as well.

Do you try clothes on before you buy them? No, takes too long. I just get my size and hope for the best.

Have you seen The Blindside? Haven't had any interest in watching it tbh, the plot doesn't really appeal to me.

What’s the best movie you’ve seen this year? I have seen a handful of movies this year but haven't thought of any of them as being the 'best' even just for this year. They were all just average hahaha.

Do you know how to fire a gun? Not at all.

What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Realistically, I'd take my phone and bolt downstairs to make sure the dogs aren't harmed; to hell with it if it makes me face-to-face with the robber. While protecting them I imagine telling a select trusted circle of relatives to call the cops, then I'll contact them myself.

Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I don't think I have. I've played 2 and 4, though.

What’s your favorite type of pizza? Four-cheese or barbecue.

Do you have a favorite local pizza place? I don't. I've only tried the big joints, and while we have a number of local ones they're all within the Makati area and it's just too far to travel to or even just order delivery from.

What are you afraid of? Physical pain and death of loved ones.

Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Sure.

How do you let someone know that you like them? In the past, I told them in person and was straightforward about it.

Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? Nope.

Who’d you last see in a tux? It was a formal awarding event so all the guys who were there were wearing a tux. Media, athletes, government officials... I don't really feel like expounding any more than that cause it was for work lol.

Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? I don't remember being too bummed about it. Wasn't he the dude with the acoustic guitar? Not a big fan of the style so it was easy for me to move on lol.

What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? I did not like Jason Castro as he was another one of the billion dudes who went in and out of that show with a guitar.

Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? We haven't done that since 2007 when Jump In! premiered on the Disney Channel hahaha.

Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? I'll get tongue-tied with English sometimes but it's never a lasting difficulty.

Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Shower.

How many times do you shower in a week? These days I take a bath pretty much everyday haha so seven.

What brand’s your cell phone? Apple.

Have you ever sexted? Eh, yeah.

How many contacts do you have? A little over 200.

Do you have your own computer? I do.

Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? Probably Andi. They pursue everything they're passionate about.

Who’s the bravest person you know? My mom is one of them.

Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Depends on the struggle. There are things I'd rather share with my friends, others I'd rather confide with my dad.

Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Yes.

Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? Nope.

Are you any good at writing? Yes, I like to write and have always wanted to be in a career where I can keep doing it.

What’s your favorite form of writing? Anything non-fiction. Have you ever given up on someone before? Yup!

Did you end up regretting it later in life? Nope!

Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Not really.

Have you ever read Shakespeare? Yeah, we had to take some of them up in high school – R&J, The Merchant of Venice, and Macbeth.

What did you dream about last night? I'm not so sure I even dreamed anything. I slept like a rock because I had an extremely exhausting day yesterday.

Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Sure, here and there.

Have you ever tried to change someone? Tried doing it once, never bothering again.

Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? From experience, no.

Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? Nope.

What profession do you admire the most? There isn't one I think of as being more significant than others.

Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don't think I have.

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? The world will never stop for you, so learn how to be able to do things and deal with emotions on your own. Since my grandfather died in high school and all my teachers did were to reschedule my exams (because I needed to miss a few days to attend to his wake), I've been a bit more guarded and hardened and have tried to stop giving a fuck about other people.

What are you wearing right now? My Se So Neon tour shirt and shorts.

Do you miss your ex? Nope.

What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Accent. Makes me easily tell if they're one of the rich airheads with no substance, or will be easy to talk to.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Sure.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? To be old money so I can look at jobs as just side quests that I do for fun, lmao.