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wirewitchviolet · 10 months ago

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Is it possible to have a conversation about Trans Lifeline that isn't extremely uncomfortable?

This is, for quite a few reasons, one of those subjects it's really hard to even bring up, but you know, sometimes these things need talking about. I'm not planning to go too dark here but you know, content warning all the same.

So... Trans Lifeline is a charity organization which, on paper, primarily runs a crisis hotline explicitly for trans people, with a volunteer staff of other trans people, and on the side, dolling out small amounts of cash to people trying to get legal name and gender changes straightened out. And that's a great thing for people to set out to do. Also just getting this out there, many years ago now I did avail myself of both those services. Didn't actually end up needing the $50 or so for the name change formalizing (I'm poor enough that the probate court just waived the fee turned out), and I don't suppose I can complain about the hotline service, because while on the one hand, I'm pretty sure I was talking to someone very much out of their depth, but you know, someone answered, talked, and hey I'm still here right?

Really, that's the sort of thing that's just inherently selfless and important enough you'd have to be some kind of utterly horrible person to ever go and criticize, right? Which... kinda makes me horrible right now. See, as mentioned, they helped me out some years ago, but there's kind of an emphasis on the years ago part of that. I've had plenty of cause over the years to pass info on them to people, both the number and the grant program, and again not to get too dark but I've had reason to personally call myself here and there, lack of any sort of support network and all, and this is partially just anecdotal, but I don't know that I've actually ever heard of anyone getting in touch with anyone there in like... the past 5 years? Maybe 6?

I have been told they just will not do the grant thing for people in Canada despite advertising themselves as serving both Canada and the U.S. Which is a shame because my understanding is it's a much more painful process there (it's absurdly easy in the U.S. generally speaking, quit psyching yourselves out, go to probate court, ask for a form, then after there's another at the post office). And for quite some time now, anyone attempting to call that I've heard of hasn't reached a live person, and hasn't even been put on hold. You get a recording. The recording says everyone is busy, and their hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM Pacific time, and then the call disconnects. Which still seems to be the case when you do call in that range... and also those hours don't match what's listed on their site. And the numbers they advertise on their front page don't seen to have risen since people first really became aware of them and they started getting flooded.

And like... I'm really not trying to stir anything up here, or say they suck or something. The work they do is super important and takes a horrible emotional toll on the people doing it. I know. I've spent dozens if not hundreds of nights talking trans people down from rather immediate self-destructive thoughts, both people I knew and people I didn't. This was my whole thing a decade ago. I also have experience being on the ground floor of a charity organization that flamed out in a hurry, and which never made any sort of statement indicating it'd completely shut down, nor took down the page (to be clear- I never saw a dime of that money, and did what I personally could to explain that). My point is, I get it, stuff is hard to keep going, and hard to admit you aren't keeping going.

I'm also not putting forward the idea that TLL has secretly shut down here, but they do seem to have... severely retracted? Again, when they first got started, they were dealing with call volumes and volunteer counts where you'd maybe spend an hour on hold before getting through to someone, but you could call at the sort of times where someone is going to feel the need to call such a hotline. Now you've got this theoretical short window like, around lunchtime/early afternoon. And they close entirely on weekends apparently. And shut down for the whole back half of December, as I just look at these recent announcements on their blog. And like... I can understand being stretched thin, I'm sympathetic, but I'm also looking at this from the perspective of the people in crisis, you know?

I would argue that a crisis hotline not existing to be called at all would be preferable to reaching a point where you're calling one, and having a prerecorded message tell you they can't help and hanging up. That is THE worst thing you can hear in that position. Crisis hotlines are already something people generally only turn to as a last result when there is absolutely nobody else they can flag down to talk to in an emotionally charged moment. You're not going in expecting any sort of magical fix to your problems, just someone, even if it's an overworked stranger, who will listen and respond.

So... why am I getting into all this? Well, besides it being the 10 year anniversary of like... all my major trauma and accordingly just being in this morbid sorta headspace, I see people recommending that people call TLL all the time. People throw the number out when discussing self-destructive thoughts broadly, when they see someone directly in a crisis situation rather than try and talk them through things personally, and it's kinda like... THE organization people look to when they feel upset about the plight of trans people and want to do some charity fundraising.

It's already just bleak as hell that when people feel bad for trans people and want to throw money around, they aren't helping people get away from abusive parents, or cover medical costs, or help people replace all their clothes, or inviting people whose social circles just shrank to nothing or next to out to see movies or get dinner or anything like that, just pay people to talk to them when all of the above gets to be too much to deal with and they give up on life. But the hard reality here is, people do that, pat themselves on the back, and then when people do just collapse enough to need to make such calls, nobody picks up.

I don't really know what the fix for this is. Like I don't wanna say people need to just stop supporting TLL, because in theory they are still helping SOME people? And like, hey, I think it's an all trans staff, so you're helping at least a handful of us get by if nothing else... but it's like hearing about a bunch of people dying of thirst and the best fix anyone has is dumping buckets of water into an extremely leaky barrel and encouraging people to try and get there before it all drains out, you know? There's really a whole slew of related problems here, and I don't really see any of them getting fixed until we just kinda collectively admit that the way things stand right now, we've got an emergency plan that's just straight up not working, and brainstorm from there.

#trans lifeline #self harm #trans #transgender #charity

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total-drama-takes-takes-2 · 2 years ago

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tti episode 25 - version 2

“For the past eight weeks, you have been watching Fren, Joner, Peter, Kitty, Mal, O, Sha-Mod, Frollo, Caesar, Austin, Scruffy, Kelly, Courtney, Scary, Max, Staci, Patrick, Bonnie, Ass, and Julia compete in the most heinous, disgusting, dangerous challenges reality TV has seen since 2007. You have watched them laugh, cry, love and receive various injuries, and it’s all come down to this! Two campers remain, and by sundown, only one will be left standing! That winner will go home with a check for one million dollars and the pride of having survived this crummy camp. Our two final campers are about to fight it out in a battle of the exes here on Total! Takes! Island!”

“Welcome back to the island. It's been a grueling past two months for our finalists, so we asked them to record their thoughts before the final challenge,” Chris smiles, pacing around the currently-empty mess hall.

---

MCLOVIN: “I guess I had a good time. I made a lot of new friends,”

---

MICHAEL: “Now people hate my existence and want to kill me! Great job at making new friends, Michela!"

---

MCLOVIN: “I’m not too surprised I made it this far. It’s like my mom always says, a positive attitude can get you anywhere!”

---

MICHAEL: “I’m honestly shocked I haven’t given up yet. I mean, I was so sure I’d be a mid-season boot and now I’m a finalist!”

---

MCLOVIN: “The food? It was okay... when it wasn’t trying to kill me,”

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MICHAEL: “Don’t even get me started on the supposed “food” we had to eat. It’d probably be inhumane to serve that stuff to dogs,”

---

MCLOVIN: “The rats in the kitchen wouldn’t even touch it,”

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MICHAEL: “And the people?”

---

MCLOVIN: “The people were awesome! Sure, there were some fights, but I’ve never met so many amazing friends than on this island!”

---

MICHAEL: “-a bunch of lazy, stubborn, self-centered jerks who only cared about themselves,”

---

MCLOVIN: “Sha-Mod and I share a psychic bond! We’re soulmates- bromates! I meant bromates!”

---

MICHAEL: “Max is probably one of the most stubborn, rude, unapologetically mean people I’ve ever met, and… I am so glad I met him. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better.”

---

MCLOVIN: “Courtney has the coolest hair ever, Julia is super smart…”

---

MICHAEL: “I guess that’s about it, really,”

---

MCLOVIN: “What will I be remembered for?” he pauses to think. “My personality!”

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MICHAEL: “Um… my hair?”

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MCLOVIN: “Or maybe these!” he stands on the toilet and stomps, his light-up Sketchers blinking.

---

Chris leaves the mess hall after announcing the final curtain call will be in thirty minutes. Michael sighs and slumps forward.

“What’s the matter?” McLovin asks, spooning their final crummy camp meal.

“I guess I’m just kind of disappointed I didn’t accomplish anything I came here for,”

“What do you mean? We did lots of awesome stuff and met tons of awesome people!”

“No,” Michael frowns at him. “You did tons of awesome stuff and met tons of awesome people. I just made a bunch of enemies and humiliated myself on national television hundreds of times.”

McLovin’s smile drops and he looks at her. “That’s kind of a depressing way to look at it,”

“That’s reality, dude,”

A silence falls over the two McLovin sighs.

“Do you think anything’s gonna be the same after we go home?”

“Honestly? Not at all. I just don’t know if I can stay friends with you and Joner after everything. I’ll be alone, but maybe that won't be such a bad thing,” she says, kicking back and putting her feet on the table. “I’ll be putting myself first for once, anyway.”

“Well… I kinda understand. If that’s what you want, then that’s cool. I respect that,” McLovin says, saluting her. “I just wish we could’ve made up.”

“Sometimes that’s too much to ask. I wish you would’ve shown you’ve changed instead of just apologizing,” she stands, leaving her bowl behind half-empty and her former friend with a contemplative look on his face.

---

“Alright, campers!” Chris says, leading the two between a pair of wooden bleachers out in the forest. Michael and McLovin can see a track extending into the woods, and both know without saying that that’s where they’re heading next. “Time to welcome back the twenty losers who did not make it here with you today!”

The former competitors walk from the docks. McLovin waves to his friends, who merrily wave back. No one even looks at Michael as they pass to the bleachers.

“Everyone who is not competing, please take a seat in the peanut gallery of failure! The side you choose should represent who you’re rooting for in the finale,” Chris says, directing the crowd to the bleachers behind him. Each has a large banner with either contestant's face on it.

Sha-Mod and Courtney are the first to sit on McLovin’s side, followed shortly by just about everyone else. Only one person is sitting in Michael’s gallery.

Max waves from the empty bleachers. Michael smiles and waves back.

“Okay, a little surprising, but wow,” Chris says. “Can we get a few more volunteers to pity-join? Makes it more suspenseful.”

“Come on, guys!” McLovin yells to his supporters. “Michael is really… cool and nice and stuff!”

A few contestants raise eyebrows. He sighs. “Staci, Scruffy- um, the tall one- Peter, Kelly,”

Much to their annoyance (and McLovin’s surprise at having people actually listen to him) all of the selected losers get up and move without complaint. Michael rolls her eyes, but she still gives McLovin a slightly grateful look.

Max hops down from the bleachers and runs over to her, ducking under Chef before he can stop him. “You got this, okay?” he says, holding her hands.

Chris rolls his eyes and jabs a thumb in their direction, sending Chef over to collect him. Chef grabs Max by the back of his collar and drags him back to the stands. “I believe in you!” he yells before he’s promptly sat down.

Frollo sits in the middle space between the bleachers on the ground, eternally reading his Bible.

Chris walks over. “Um, dude, you gotta pick a side,”

He rolls his eyes. “Both of these players are sinners, and-”

Chef walks over, picks him up, and tosses him onto Michael’s side, the few losers already there ducking to avoid him as he shrieks and flies across the screen.

“Go, MC!” Courtney shouts.

“Yeah, go support the endless cog of capitalism!” Ass says sarcastically. Courtney smacks them upside the head.

“McLovin, this is your chance to tell the peanut gallery what you would do with the money if you won,” Chris says, pointing at him. He smiles.

“I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I finally chose just two things I’d want to do with the money,” he says. “First, I’d save half of it for art school and my future living expenses.”

Joner and Michael both raise an eyebrow.

“And then with everything I have left, I would give everyone who competed on this show an even portion of the money. Including Michael!”

Everyone aws at that, and everyone on Michael’s side aside from Max silently gets up and walks back over to McLovin’s. Even Frollo’s unconscious body slumps off the stands and rolls over to the other bleachers. Max groans and smacks his forehead.

“Michael?”

“I would probably save most of it in a secure bank account for my future. And maybe get new skates,”

Everyone stares at her blankly. She sighs.

“Alright, it’s time for the final challenge: the rejected Olympic relay race!” Chris shouts. “There are three parts: first, each of you has to put on one of these,” he smiles, holding a chicken hat in his right hand and a cow hat in his left. He hands one to each. “Dressed in your very special uniforms, you will run to the first location and shimmy up the pole to grab your flag. Next, you’ll cross a 300m balance beam suspended across a massive gorge while carrying an eagles egg. After is a long distance run back to this location. Whoever gets here first wins!”

The peanut galleries cheer as Michael and McLovin look at each other.

“Good luck,” he says, adjusting his chicken hat. “You deserve to win.”

Michael stares. “I don’t need your pity,”

“Go, McLovin!” Sha-Mod shouts from the stands.

“Kick her ass, MC!” Julia yells before a large rock from Michael’s bleachers hits her in the back of the head. She slumps onto Scruffy in the row below, unconscious.

“Anyone else?!” Max yells from offscreen.

“Ready!” Chris shouts, waving around a checkered flag. “Set? Go!”

McLovin and Michael start off, the latter in the lead. Michael reaches the flagpole first and takes a leaping jump to the base, scaling it with ease.

The pencil arrives next and attempts to inch his way up the pole like a worm. “Use your freakishly long limbs!” Ass yells from the stands, still dizzy from Courtney's blow.

McLovin whimpers and extends his arms higher, grabbing the flag at the same time Michael hops off.

“How do I get down?!” he yells.

“Figure it out! You got this!” Courtney yells back.

McLovin frowns and jumps down, landing on his butt. The crowd winces.

“Get up, dude!” Sha-Mod yells. “She’s not far ahead!”

Michael approaches the gorge and peers over the edge, where sharks are swimming in the water below the thin, rickety planks of wood. She swallows nervously but runs back around to the eagles nest behind her, grabbing an egg and hiding it in her parka before she begins to cross.

McLovin follows, snatching an egg and holding it above his head while closing his eyes and screaming, running across the thin plank of wood.

“You might wanna look where you’re going, dude!” Chris shouts. “Those eggs weren’t for nothing!”

A few campers catch up to the players, stopping behind Chris and looking around the skies nervously.

Scruffy yells from the edge of the gorge. “McLovin, there are eagles! Huge eagles! And-” another rock hits them square in the temple and they fall backwards. Max tosses another stone from one hand to the other while glaring at the other losers.

“What did they mean by-” Michael starts before a massive eagle swoops down and lunges for McLovin's exposed egg, talons extended.

He barely manages to duck, but is thrown off-balance and wobbles around on one foot. The peanut gallery (now on their feet) gasps and watches in terror as he falls to his butt on the plank, but manages to keep himself out of the shark infested waters.

Michael reaches the other side, pulling the egg out of its hiding place and setting in the nest on stable ground. She starts running again, McLovin (still shaking) not far behind.

The track takes the two right through camp. “Almost there!” Max yells, one of the campers running behind the contestants.

“Come on, MC, you got this!” Sha-Mod shouts, a few steps behind Max. “This part is the easiest!”

As he says that, McLovin steps over a suspiciously elevated dirt mound and a huge explosion lets off behind him.

“What was that?!” Michael shouts as another explosion sounds.

“Oh, yeah, we had some leftover landmines!” Chris shouts into his megaphone from a safe distance. “Enjoy!”

“Jerk!” Michael snaps, narrowly dodging another massive landmine explosion that takes out the confessional booth.

"Watch out!" McLovin yells, pointing out various lumps of dirt ahead of her.

"I don't need your help!" she snaps back. "I'm not your pity case!"

"What is it gonna take for you to forgive me?!"

"Move. ON!" she shouts, speeding up ahead and jumping over every landmine visible. Another one explodes, sending McLovin backwards.

He screams in terror, covering his eyes and running blindly when he gets up.

“Get a grip!” Ass yells from behind. “Stop being such a coward!”

“No!” he shouts back.

Scary scoffs. “Why don’t you just let her win then, nice guy?!”

McLovin frowns and whimpers, standing and stumbling forward. "I can do this!" he affirms himself, a few cheers sounding from the sidelines.

He runs up to Michael, shoving her out of the way as the finish line comes into sight. She falls on her butt and yelps.

"This is pointless!" she yells, refusing to stand. "Who even cares!"

A voice from the sidelines sounds out. "Chel!"

She turns. "Max?"

He waves from off the course, avoiding the landmine-covered track. "You can't give up! Remember what I told you! You didn't come here to make friends!"

Michael sighs. She closes her eyes and stands shakily, clenching her fists. "I want to win,"

"More enthusiasm!"

"I want to win!" she starts off running.

"Yes!"

"I WANT TO WIN!" she yells, catching up to McLovin and shoving him.

"There's my girl!"

His thin body shudders like a piece of paper in the wind and he flies backwards from the force of the push as she crosses the finish line seconds before him.

The peanut gallery cheers, abandoning McLovin on the dirt trail and surrounding Michael.

Max forces everyone in the crowd out of the way, throwing his arms around her and kissing her. The peanut gallery oohs and he glares.

"Mind your own business!"

"And Michael is the winner of Total Takes Island!" Chris says, walking over with a huge check. "Congratulations, camper!"

Chef nods. "Could've seen that one coming,"

Sha-Mod manages to squeeze through the crowd and run over to McLovin, still flat on the ground. He helps him up and hugs him.

"You did good!"

"Yeah, but not good enough," McLovin coughs, wiping the dirt off his pants.

Sha-Mod shrugs. "So? We'll have to work a little harder for our dream house. But we're still getting one, there's no way I'm giving up on a mansion with my boyfriend,"

McLovin blushes and looks over. “Did you mean bromate? Cause I made the same-”

“Nah,” Sha-Mod says, leaning on McLovin’s shoulder. “Bromate’s platonic.”

The crowd continues stirring with excitement as Michael walks past, hand-in-hand with Max. She smiles and gives one last wave to McLovin, who waves back, before the two part ways.

---

“Here we are at the last TTI bonfire ceremony ever,” Chris says, smiling at the entire cast as they sit around the pit. “After eight brutal weeks of torture, infections, and drama, our season winner is Michael!”

The campers cheer, congratulating Michael as she sits near the center of the group, Max leaning his head on her shoulder.

“Michael, the final marshmallow,” Chris grins, tossing her the treat. She catches it and smiles. “A symbol of prosperity. Treasure it for the rest of your life.”

“Sure," she says, tossing it into the fire seconds later. Max laughs.

The crowd returns to talking amongst each other as Chef comes out of the mess hall with more marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers for s'mores.

“I don't think I did so bad for last place,” Fren says, kicking back.

Staci (now bleach blonde, thanks to Kelly’s handiwork) shrugs as she sits between their two friends. “You survived, at least,”

“And we got a right groovy finale, baby!” Austin says, patting her on the back. “Great season, baby!”

“Thank you, Austin,” Chris says smugly. “And to all you viewers at home- thank you for supporting us here at Total Takes Island! We all hope you had a good time watching these teens fight to the death, and we can’t wait to see you next season!”

Everyone turns to him. “NEXT SEASON?!”

#tti #total takes island

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haeroniel-doliet · 1 year ago

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Bonus content: heres the super speed summary of how I struggled through the dinluke big bang piece I started over 80 days ago! More thoughts and details on my process below to cut

- Overall wanna post this with all the flaws galore for my future self, not at all because I've just left the record function on, forgot about it and now I have this!

- Good reminder that the worst thing is blank paper and just getting something down okay, rough simple lines convey ideas its all good!

- Drawing on an airplane produces questionable results (the first more refined lines, not NEARLY enough references in use)

- Speaking of, never regretted following a reference over trying to improvise. I feel like it always looks better (that smoke is one good example!)

- Redrawing and redrawing sometimes is so worth it, other times you should just let it be and move on (those first trees before the yellow dotting were kinda okay honestly!)

- Less all sorts of different brushes is better, for consistency :')

- Theres many parts I'd forgotten that in hindsight maybe look better than the end result (like overall composition being bigger and with better feeling of space) but choices were made and I gotta choose to be happy with and proud of the completed piece, afterall its better than all the dusty never finished wips.

- Definitely didn't quite follow the big bang deadlines, I'm sorry :') in general I'd consider that greyscale to be 20% sure (proof of idea and a layout figured out!) But hilariously after what I posted for even 80% I went and redid all that work. (Maybe its not actually totally redoing if you're making the same just improved! All the ground work took its own time and I wasn't starting from scratch at all.)

- At the very end it gets abruptly cut off, despite asking the program to leave on the last frame for a bit... Then I remembered the panic I had just yesterday, because the file for these screenshots took up too much disk space and caused Krita to crash, losing all the progress of like good bit of little adjustments and corrections. I guess I never turned the recording back on, so the very final few hours are missing, but thats okay! This is not professional! (Spot the absolutely tiny differences with the final image posted :p)

-Also realizing after many a rewatch, there's been some glitch with it not recording me recolouring the characters entirely!! How sad, but you can see the difference from when they pop up around the time I'm redoing the trees and at 02.53 and when they return all redone at 03.07

- Theres a lot I don't love, theres a lot that could be better if done differently, but I really have to start being okay with being done rather than perfect!

- Really proud of myself for dedicating to doing a more involved and detailed background/scene than i've ever done before digitally. I've pushed beyond my comfort zone of just characters with a hint of a background, it will get better from here!

- Did I need to post this with all sorts of bits missing? No, definitely not, but hopefully someone will find this interesting, and my future self feels that this was helpful!

#Haeroniel draws #art timelapse #art progress #krita timelapse #anyway this is mostly a personal post for future reference and for venting out the struggles I had along the way #but hey maybe someone finds it interesting and thats cool!#kritas suggested settings would've made this timelapse over 30 mins long.... so you're welcome!#I won't even have a guess how many hours this all took #still have to go finish the other pieces oop maybe those timelapses will be better?

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oraclemoontarot · 24 days ago

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what saddens me too is a lot of the kid friendly songs are often mocked for being disneyesque and while i do agree i really think kids these days dont have much appropriate for them like and idol performances have become so crude that male idols imparticular almost take so much enthusiasm from being half naked almost down to their boxers to get their 15 yo fans screaming for it rather than their actual skills and i think of many who over use this tactic to get further attention again it was okish at first now its like oh yup another shirtless one with abs whoopdedo and i dont understand why when we had music in the 00s it was relatively delightful nothing to neffarious in terms of disney lowkey sometimes i still listen to hannah montana occasionally cause i miss just having that normal feeling about a song without it being too crude and i know idols kinda go along with it and they cant always stick to doing the same kid style stuff like sneakers for itzy got named and shamed but i was thinking if i was 15 years old id have loved that song same with dalla dalla and their other ones it was just a nice feeling i got from it. even when i look at twice they havent really shown much growth other than doing slightly more western full english songs and its not that riveting as they first were i dont expect them to stay in an innocent phase but maybe groups with minors could be for kid family friendly market. give them hannah montana 2.0 idc itd be fun for them to experience what we got to experience back in the non internet days. let kids be kids. its bad enough sephora is around for them to obsess about and dont even get me started on stanley mugs.

THIS ‼️ I absolutely go ham over the kid friendly songs, or cute songs in general, especially during the summer or winter time. My favourite songs are literally candy, my first and last by nct dream, and just right by got7.

Enhypen even had songs for, I think, children shows? They're really cute too.

You're right though, kids really don't have many content or songs for them apart from what, cocomelon (can write a whole paper on why I think that should not even exist)? And, for older children... what do they have for them? What happened to Disney channel or Cartoon Network? Shows like Phinneas and Ferb, Hannah Montana, Suite life on deck etc. That's called a childhood. And even as adults, they're still enjoyable at times, including the songs.

FINALLY a sneakers enjoyer. I thought it was catchy in a good way - fun and bright. Not everything has to be a lyrical genius, 'chic', or 'mature'.

I find myself nodding to every single line I read of your message 😭 I agree wholeheartedly. 00s music was so, so good. It felt genuine, like the artists and producers genuinely loved music and were in it solely for that rather than for just fame and recognition. Don't get me wrong, wanting fame isn't bad, but doing so without a passion for music feels soulless.

For me, I absolutely find showing skin unnecessary, in terms of stripping and going full out shirtless. There's no need for that on every song or stage. Thought that was an unpopular opinion, but I feel like it takes away from the appreciation of the artistry? You could be doing the most intense choreo, release such an intricate and well-produced song with incredible vocals but, the moment you go on stage shirtless, that's all everyone would talk about. You spent hours in the recording studio and dance practice room just for it to be mostly for no reason.

The last part took me out; Sephora and Stanley mugs 😭 At this rate, those are probably the most innocent things they could be doing compared to everything else, which is concerning. I love when kids dress like kids - tutus, superhero outfits, bold bright colours and sparkles etc. It's part of the fun of being a child, of enjoying the little things that, socially, wouldn't be accepted as adults. For older children, letting them be silly, imaginative and finding the joy in simple shows. Let them in on mako mermaids and ben 10. But instead they're watching content for 16 year olds at 9, and people wonder why they grow up so scarily fast.

Honestly, the years between 2000-2004 were perfect and I wouldn't have it any other way. It was between the internet and the non-internet - the best of both worlds in a balanced way.

#kpop #asks #discussions

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shoppingshoppingshoppingshopping · 4 months ago

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Listen/purchase: I'm Sorry That Happened so Fast by Local Teen

OK new album write up time.

Well, it looks like I screwed up the release date and set it for september 2023 when it was supposed to be september 2024. so the question is will it always be out of order for the rest of time or will i be able to fix it at some point?

cdbaby as usual has awful support and still hasn't gotten back to me to fix the date. why is support so bad everywhere? anyway....

I was doing all the boring technical stuff as i thought it was ready and then cdbaby rejected my files. apparently they don't take 96k audio. so now i am opening up each session and having to re-render at 44/16. Which is a total drag cuz now i have to relisten to the entire album again. I love most of these songs but i am also so damn sick of them now after hearing them 1000 times.

all these songs except the neat neat neat cover are from 2019. Meaning I started them then. Many were just chords and maybe a melody. A few had lyrics and were mostly done except needed clean up and a mix.

ok so first song,

away from home: this one I think I had almost everything except lyrics. All those were recorded this year. This album took forever to put together. I think I finally sat down and decided to finish it right after I released the last one. Lemme check. Oh crap that was december 2023! Damn I take forever. Or not. I know what I like and i get pickier as time goes on. I guess this is just what it takes.

I am finding I have less desire to polish old songs that don't have much to grab me. Like one of the ones in this pile was this really cool bass line and drums. I've spent maybe 20 hours trying to shape it into a song and I haven't figured out yet how to do that. There are a few like this. A few albums back I wouldn't give up and would eventually find it. But I dunno. It's just so much effort and pain. When I have literally 100s of songs that will come together easier when I finally get to them. So I'm wondering why bother.

Another lesson is that album of unfinished songs I put out. A few of those will come on my spotify shuffle and now I can hear exactly how to finish them. So the lesson there is wait. It might come. If not? that's OK. This is life. Ya gotta let go sometimes. There is pain in making music/art. It's uncomfortable. The hard part is figuring out what kind of torture is good and what isn't.

Anyway, Away from home has lyrics about a violent cartel crime situation. I love crime movies. I just rewatched michael clayton again for the 10th time? it's so good. Pulp fiction too. Which took a while to pull me in but after the overdose I was in all the way and didn't want to leave it. Butch's girlfriend isn't as bad as Bill Simmons says she is. In fact she's just fine. John Maclane yelling to himself in the car felt a little forced very "acting".

BTW it's taking at least 20 minutes just to open the 3rd song session. I think there's over 250 tracks in there.

Listening back. Away from home chorus is sooooo good. I couldn't stop myself from recording this really jazzy harmonies. My music theory talk sounds like I know something but really I aint shit but I think there's like 9ths and 7ths and diminished somethings in there.

I played the broken cello I got from craigslist free on this. Some wood glue and a jerry rigged "clamp" using ratchet tie downs and it's playable. I have no idea how to play the cello but I was able to get some good sounds out of it for this song.

2: use a hoe

this is kinda funny. i found an earlier version of this. Spent MONTHS on it. Then towards the end of wrapping up the album figured I needed one more song. Went into the next batch of unfinished songs and found this version. I thought it was so much better. It was completely done except for some clean up and much needed mix changes.

lyrics are about some of the poor folks I spent a lot of time around when I lived in florida. when people say "i don't get trump voters" I always think "Ah you never spent any meaningful time with different kinds of people."

this is one of the negatives of tiered experiences like fast pass at an amusement park or anything not general admission at an event. a society is better when different people mix in positive ways over a shared enjoyment.

It's funny that this is bragging now but my florida experience gave me bonds with fresh off the boat Hatians, Cubans and pretty much all of latin America, not to mention kids whose family have definitely been at a KKK BBQ before (or maybe it was just a rumor that everyone that lived near moon lake was KKK. I dunno. I was too scared to go) and just all sorts of people with lots of debt, loyalty to the strangest things, strong family bonds hidden under resentment and the types of folks the media just never ever shows you.

Lower Middle Class life just isn't romantic. There's a fair amount of substance use, lots of humor, missing teeth and bad tattoos on even worse skin. That doesn't make for good streaming content. One lady I knew had no front teeth and her car was literally infested with roaches. You'd see them crawling all over the seats at any time of day. how the florida heat didn't kill them? I have no idea. Also if her car was like this what was her trailer for of kids like?

Who are they going to cast to depict her in a show? Glenn Close? She has the face of a shoe that only rich people know about.

i'm solid to maybe upper middle class now but those folks still exist inside me like guardian angels. They write a lot of my lyrics. I get them but i also resent them for not doing what i would do. not that that's right, but just reporting from subconscious.

When I was 16 working in fast food, I worked with a 40 year woman named BJ. She said it was short for something like "Billie gives the best blow jobs". Kids, the 90s were wild. or maybe just florida or both. This lady also was kind of illiterate and her kid names on his birth certificate was "BRAIN" no Brian. I hope she's doing well but I doubt it. The world has changed in a way that hasn't been protective of folks like that. That's just sad. I liked these people. We worked together as team. There is a special bond you gain when working on a time crunchy environment. I hope they made it out of poverty OK or least didn't go lower.

3: send the girls over

This was one of those songs I couldn't stop writing. It was so inspiring. So many ideas and lyrics. I saw a songwriting friend recently and told him I wanted to be better at lyrics. Then I went back to finish this song and saw that I'm not crap. I can pull it off sometimes. Cuz I am so proud of these lines:

so you didn't want to lie yet we did watch it grow that thing upon your face that drips when you get cold that looks down on the poor turns up when you get old through which you soon will pay for sticking it where it surely doesn't go

Keith Hopkin of The Blue Album Group and Asobi seksu sang on the woah parts. I love his voice. We used to be in a Weezer cover band together.

So did my nephews, probably the missus as well. I had anyone that came over sing on those woahs for a few weeks.

I just love this song. Listening to it now the "I knew it was you part" still gives me chills. I also played the trumpets on this. I don't know how to play at all. Yet I was so inspired that when I hit record and blew my heart out and ya know what? the right notes just came out! I WAS FUCKING FEELIN' IT! God is good, man. I'm tellin' you.

That's the magic of music, man. It can make you do stuff you can't usually do. It's like a super power. I can feel my version of god in this moment. Thank you universe for the gift to stick with this craft and to keep trying to make songs I like. And thank you for the love I get to feel for myself when I hear what I made.

Ok now I feel exposed.

I'm pretty sure there's 250+ tracks in this. It became impossible to work on because it uses more resources than my computer can handle. But nevertheless he persisted.

4: come on baby

there's a version with 3 other parts not in this one. They were more metal/butt rock than I like. So I wrote all new parts. And then ended up redoing everything. Vocally I was trying to find the right voice then heard a DFA1979 song and thought "oh I should try that".

My les paul through my orange tiny terror is the perfect guitar tone for this kind of song. Its my favorite amp/gtr combo just because when it's right it's just perfect. It's just not always right for each song.

5: why start now - a classic vibe of "why bother? let's get ta slackin'". feels very 90s to me.

I love my funky bass lines. I feel like I should show them off more cuz I do some pretty cool stuff sometimes.

You know what's very un 90s? The amount of self love I have for my work as I write this today. It took lots of therapy, will power and the desire to change to get here. Don't get me wrong I hear the "you suck" voice daily. Just now I thought "you're being really honest here. We feel vulnerable. don't do this" then another voice said "no one listens to your music and never will so who cares?". Then another voice said, "just be in your creative space and flow. this is a gift to have this. so many people wish they could make things. you're lucky".

This song had a completely different feel. Then I went on a dancehall trip with my spotify deep dives and realized I should try that. Re did the drums. Then realized lots of other stuff needed to be redone but cause it didn't work with my new groove. so yeah, this is a dancehall song. for me.

6: neat neat neat - i made this in like a week towards the end of my last album. it came together to quickly. i put it on there but then went i went to release it Landr was like "no covers otherwise you can't make any money from ANY of the other songs on the album".

So I am putting it on this one since I am using CDbaby to release this one and they won't ding all the other album tracks if they get lots of youtube streams.

Keith Hopkin sang on this too!

7: What we are

I have a slight headache. I probably have covid. this morning I had a million great ideas for a new song I am working on. I was also so excited to do all this admin work to release my new album. but now I just feel so scattered and can't wait for this to be over.

first line is something i remember steve albini saying in an interview when asked about movies or tv shows. talk about yucking someones yum! i often have to turn steve off in my head when i am watching something mediocre. i can see the acting and just how silly it all is.

i used a lot of 1176 compressors on the first version of this. ended up removing nearly all except on the gtrs. i dunno why but that thing never worked for me. I have friend that loves it. I don't like his drum sounds. but i get that it's a classic sound.

8: use a hoe slower

spent a long time trying to get this one to work. i like it's chill vibes.

Do I sing about being dead or alive a lot? I think I sang something similar on another song on this album. I dunno. I make a lot of music. I'm bound to repeat myself

Ok i'm done. I just did a proof reading pass about a week later. I definitely have covid. I toggle between dizzy, tired, confused, hungry and inspired to make dance music. I've started 3 tracks with beats and basslines and then stop. That's fine. It takes a lot of practice to get good at a new genre.

#punk #punk rock #indie rock #brooklyn bands #alternative #localteen #one man band

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taxfraudhousewife · 8 months ago

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i’m way older than you now

i hate it

i’m trying not to hate myself unless it’s really necessary

didn’t today until i remembered im older than you

i did some sketch ass shit to donate esims

it’s not out of kidness

it’s absolutely every fuckin thing else

i made my mom watch athena and i know it’s nothing to do with anything

but i thought when family dies the rest of your fuckin family also experiences loss

is it that stupid do you think it’s stupid

you were on the unlucky side of lucky

i can’t fathom that

it felt like cold hard hell

not my fault but i did not mitigate the damage

you’d think i’d know how

it’s easy

i’m certain i’d know what to do if it happened again

i’m certain i’ll never be allergic to calling an ambulance

what did you do back home

still on the lucky side of unlucky

i’m allergic to bombs

it started with you and alej

then it became millions of people

i try not to waste young potential by planning how it ends

you would’ve finished school by now

you’d have a real job i like to think you’d have a serious boyfriend

we all decided you’re definitely gay

i wish you’d confirm or deny it

a seriozna what did you do back home

i’m allergic to how it sounds when the snapchat video is too long

you know alej recorded for way too long

fuckin sixteen pixels of hopefully someone worse than hitler

pretend we’re not the same

pretend it’s not ridiculous

everything fell apart after

it was like the world ended

you all got to be stupid boys

look where it got you

but i’m getting to that age when you start to crave it

what’s with all these dead kids these days

wish you could talk

wish you’d tell me it wasn’t worth it

you’re stupid boys with stupid ideas

it’s like you’re all born angry

but i’ve come out just as stupid

took me twenty years to get this angry

i’m so angry i forget i’m not a boy

i forget my labour and my love are women’s

i miss you guys

it was easier to do women’s work when everyone else did men’s

in general i knew i was a girl

despite the teasing

you didn’t tease me

you put on my moms heels

suddenly i wasn’t certain you were a boy

suddenly i could play with knives and still be a princess

i found out there’s a good chance we’re not related at all

you’re just some stupid boy who i lived with and loved with

no blood between us yet you were one of the few i felt fully related to

i have so many questions

did you know you were gay

did you know you were a boy

what did that mean for your brave cossack bloodline

what did it mean for your dad

what did he do

did he do it to you too

were you the cause or effect

the second you died they scattered like birds

and the second i knew they weren’t coming back for me

was the second i got old enough to fly away too

and i’ve so many questions

but the many men who loved you never learned how to speak

sometimes i think you’d have taught us how to grieve

that’s kinda funny

but you’d unlocked your gender chakra when you were sixteen

idve believed anything you told me

everyone was still trying to learn how to spell misogyny but you at least almost had a word for what you are

na seriozna how’d you do it back home

the real people who exist outside of christmas

i haven’t even accepted little masha got disintegrated

i assume she’s more real to you than she is to me

assume alej was too

please be proud of me

i’m not good at anything that makes me useful

i like to think you’d think that’s good thing

#mental illness innit

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purplesurveys · 10 months ago

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1827

Have you ever been afraid to get up and go to the bathroom? Yes, not because I imagine ghosts or because the night vibes are creepy – but because of cockroaches and lizards, lol. They come out at night and they will occasionally be the first thing you'll see when you switch on the bathroom lights, after which they'll frantically scurry away – and it's exactly the scurrying away that makes me jump back cause 1) you never know what direction they'll run off to, and 2) for cockroaches particularly, they MIGHT FLY.

Do you get any magazines in the mail? No, I was never subscribed to a magazine but this made me remember those little subscription leaflets they'd insert in every issue :') I never used them because we didn't have money for subscriptions.

How many websites do you have an account for? This is probably close to the 100s just because you kinda need an account for nearly every website to access their features.

Have you ever paid for any kind of online membership? Yes - I take care of my family's YouTube, Prime, Disney+, and Viu accounts; my dad covers Netflix. As for personal subscriptions, I have Spotify and a game I regularly play, for their perks lololol. Idk if it counts but there's also an animal shelter that offers a monthly membership tier and I pay for that as well.

Do you try clothes on before you buy them? No, takes too long. I just get my size and hope for the best.

Have you seen The Blindside? Haven't had any interest in watching it tbh, the plot doesn't really appeal to me.

What’s the best movie you’ve seen this year? I have seen a handful of movies this year but haven't thought of any of them as being the 'best' even just for this year. They were all just average hahaha.

Do you know how to fire a gun? Not at all.

What would you do if you knew a robber was in your house? Realistically, I'd take my phone and bolt downstairs to make sure the dogs aren't harmed; to hell with it if it makes me face-to-face with the robber. While protecting them I imagine telling a select trusted circle of relatives to call the cops, then I'll contact them myself.

Have you played the Sims 3, yet? I don't think I have. I've played 2 and 4, though.

What’s your favorite type of pizza? Four-cheese or barbecue.

Do you have a favorite local pizza place? I don't. I've only tried the big joints, and while we have a number of local ones they're all within the Makati area and it's just too far to travel to or even just order delivery from.

What are you afraid of? Physical pain and death of loved ones.

Have you ever been afraid of falling in love? Sure.

How do you let someone know that you like them? In the past, I told them in person and was straightforward about it.

Have you ever asked a friend to ask someone else out for you? Nope.

Who’d you last see in a tux? It was a formal awarding event so all the guys who were there were wearing a tux. Media, athletes, government officials... I don't really feel like expounding any more than that cause it was for work lol.

Were you sad when Tim Urban got sent home on American Idol? I don't remember being too bummed about it. Wasn't he the dude with the acoustic guitar? Not a big fan of the style so it was easy for me to move on lol.

What about Jason Castro, 2 years ago? I did not like Jason Castro as he was another one of the billion dudes who went in and out of that show with a guitar.

Do you record any TV shows and watch them later? We haven't done that since 2007 when Jump In! premiered on the Disney Channel hahaha.

Do you have difficulty pronouncing any words? I'll get tongue-tied with English sometimes but it's never a lasting difficulty.

Would you rather take a shower or a bath? Shower.

How many times do you shower in a week? These days I take a bath pretty much everyday haha so seven.

What brand’s your cell phone? Apple.

Have you ever sexted? Eh, yeah.

How many contacts do you have? A little over 200.

Do you have your own computer? I do.

Out of everyone you know, who was the most heart? Probably Andi. They pursue everything they're passionate about.

Who’s the bravest person you know? My mom is one of them.

Who would you want to have your back if things got tough? Depends on the struggle. There are things I'd rather share with my friends, others I'd rather confide with my dad.

Have your friends ever given you answers to homework, last minute? Yes.

Have you ever dated someone who was real sportsy? Nope.

Are you any good at writing? Yes, I like to write and have always wanted to be in a career where I can keep doing it.

What’s your favorite form of writing? Anything non-fiction. Have you ever given up on someone before? Yup!

Did you end up regretting it later in life? Nope!

Have you ever done something terrible, but took forever to feel bad? Not really.

Have you ever read Shakespeare? Yeah, we had to take some of them up in high school – R&J, The Merchant of Venice, and Macbeth.

What did you dream about last night? I'm not so sure I even dreamed anything. I slept like a rock because I had an extremely exhausting day yesterday.

Have you ever looked up the meaning to a dream? Sure, here and there.

Have you ever tried to change someone? Tried doing it once, never bothering again.

Can anyone really change anyone that doesn’t wanna change? From experience, no.

Do you think that anyone currently has a crush on you? Nope.

What profession do you admire the most? There isn't one I think of as being more significant than others.

Have you ever made a fake profile, for any reason? I don't think I have.

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had to learn? The world will never stop for you, so learn how to be able to do things and deal with emotions on your own. Since my grandfather died in high school and all my teachers did were to reschedule my exams (because I needed to miss a few days to attend to his wake), I've been a bit more guarded and hardened and have tried to stop giving a fuck about other people.

What are you wearing right now? My Se So Neon tour shirt and shorts.

Do you miss your ex? Nope.

What’s the first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Accent. Makes me easily tell if they're one of the rich airheads with no substance, or will be easy to talk to.

Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Sure.

If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be and why? To be old money so I can look at jobs as just side quests that I do for fun, lmao.

0 notes

badassbuchanan · 4 years ago

Text

White Lies

Warnings: smut, oral (male and female receiving), unprotected sex, overuse of the f word, riding, dirty talk, kinda sad ending.

Word Count: 5335

A/N: Sorry my inactiveness this past week, my loves! I’ve just had so much on my plate - hopefully everything will be back to normal this week xx

Also, let me know if my tag list still isn't working for you? I’ve had a few people having issues with it lately.

*** would just like to state for the record I do not condone cheating. Please do not read if this will upset or offend you in any way ***

The empty bottle of wine made Y/N’s body tingle with warmth. Andy’s larger body wasn’t feeling the affects of the alcohol as much, he was a different kind of drunk. His body was more tingly and warm from the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen laying so vulnerably against his side.

Y/N tried to act normal around him, she really had. She desperately attempted to treat tonight like every other night he’d come over to her place. But it was hard to act normal, when the secret of his she’d accidentally uncovered tormented her mind. Y/N knew that tonight was the last time she could ever see Andy.

She first met Andy only a couple of weeks ago when he was assigned to assist a case at the firm she worked at. He’d come in to the reception area looking smart and professional, but his mannerisms were slightly more on the causal side than most lawyer’s she’d liaised with. “Can I help you?” Her voice came out calm, almost soothing to his ears. Andy couldn’t ignore how beautiful she was, or the way his heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. “Yeah, is this where I sign in?” She was immediately attracted to his charm and dopey smile.

“My name’s Andy. M’gunna be working with…” He leaned his palms on her desk with a frown as he tried to wrack his brain, Y/N’s beauty distracting his mind from thinking straight. She watched with a soft smile as he quickly pulled out his phone, checking for the name of the person he was supposed to meet. “William Heartly on the Alberto and Bexley case.”

“Okay, Andy,” Y/N couldn’t keep her eyes off of the charming man. Andy tried to ignore the throbbing of his cock as he admired her, just getting hard from the way she said his name. “I’ll let Mr Heartly know you’re here. Please, take a seat.”

A few days of borderline flirty remarks whilst waiting for the lawyer to come and collect Andy later, and Y/N had grown fond of the blue eyed visitor. They had become quite well acquainted with eachother. She adored the way he seemed to be genuinely interested in talking to her. She was attracted to the way he made her laugh, his kind nature. Everything about him made her crave his attention. He was so different to all the other men she’d met, she’d never felt this way about anyone before. It was as if they were just destined to meet, like the stars had aligned.

“Morning Y/N.”

“So where are you from originally?”

“Here, I bought you a coffee.”

“I’ll see you again tomorrow.”

“What do you do when you’re not at work?”

“We should be finished up on the case by tomorrow.”

“I don’t want it to be the last time I see you. Do you wanna come to dinner with me?”

It was the small things he said that had her heart skipping every time he walked through the door, sometimes unscheduled. She wasn’t the kind of girl who has sex with someone she’s just met, but this was different. Andy was everything she’d ever looked for in a guy. She wasn’t going to let herself self sabotage this time, she’d trust that it was supposed to be. So they fucked in the back of his car that night. They exchanged numbers. They texted daily. They hung out, mostly at Y/N’s house. They cooked together. They watched movies. They stayed up late talking about anything and everything. They made love.

Thoughts of their times together flooded through her mind as she laid against his side, her heart sinking as she breathed in his intoxicating scent, one that she would soon be trying to forget. Deep down she’d always known he was too good to be true. But she thought that just this once, maybe she’d find the love of her life. And well, technically, she did.

“This is my favourite part.” Andy chuckled, blissfully unaware of the thoughts that tormented her mind, distracted by the movie on the screen and the peacefulness of being with her. She faked a chuckle, letting her hand rest on his bare stomach under his business shirt. She didn’t want to let him go, to feel the coldness of his absence. She wanted to go back to before that dumb accountant had run her mouth, unknowingly telling Y/N something she never imagined she’d hear.

“Andy.” She mumbled softly, craving all of his attention as she tilted her head to look up at him, noticing how well groomed his beard was. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies as her fingers massaged over his skin, desperate for the intimacy the both relied on. Her mind stilled as she admired him, perfection in human form.

Andy immediately fixed his ocean blue eyes on hers, one of his strong hands sliding down her back and into the waistband of her gym shorts instinctively as he gave her a soft smile.

Yeah?” He breathed out sweetly, leaning down to peck her lips slowly without hesitation. She hummed as she kissed him back, not missing a beat as her hand moved from his stomach up to his jaw, pulling his face harder onto hers.

Y/N felt her pussy throb with need as his muscly arms wrapped around her body. She shook her head, causing her to second guess her confrontational conversation and enjoy the moment instead. “Nothing.” She whispered seductively, opening her mouth for his tongue as he ran it over her bottom lip. She loved how wet Andy could get her from his hand simply squeezing her ass cheek inside her shorts.

Andy groaned into the kiss, letting his other hand dip under the bottom of her baggy top, resting on her soft tummy as he felt his cock throb. “Wanna feel myself in here.” He mumbled euphorically as he trailed his lips across her cheek, his tongue leaving wet marks as he went. Andy loved how she made him feel, not just sexually, although he loved that too. But emotionally, she made him feel whole, she made him feel loved and needed, she completed him.

Goose bumps covered Y/N’s skin as she tilted her neck, granting him more access. His hand started moving again as his lips trailed along the flesh of her neck, pushing further under her top as he palmed over one of her perky tits, squeezing it gently.

“Andy.” She threw her head back breathlessly, helplessly submitting to him as her legs parting instinctively. Andy continued to squeeze her ass and massage her boob, his cock straining against the material of his pants as he heard her moan.

“Need to be inside you, baby.” He kissed at her neck repeatedly, longing for the love only she could give him as he bit down softly on her neck, tugging her nipple between his fingers. She let out a whimper as she felt her wetness dripping down her pussy and onto the thin material of her underwear, begging to feel more of his touch. “I need you.”

Y/N licked her lips, resting her hand on the back of his head as her eyelids fluttered shut, her body relaxing against him. Andy let his hand glide back down her tummy, touching her body delicately before fisting the material of her top in his hand, impatiently pulling it up to expose her bare chest.

His lips left her neck, taking a moment to admire how perfect her body was, how perfect she was, breathing out shakily as he looked up into her lust filled eyes, staring back at him lovingly. He leaned closer to her, dropping his head to her tits as he started sucking on her pebbled nipple with his tongue.

She whimpered out in pleasure, tugging on his hair as her back arched off of the sofa in pleasure, nudging closer to his mouth. “Andy.” She moaned his name shamelessly, edging him on to get what she wanted, his cock inside of her.

He squeezed her other boob in the palm of his hand, letting out a groan as he felt her body wiggling desperately under him. His teeth grazed along the flesh of her breast as she tries to wrap her leg around him, needing something to hump her eager pussy on.

“Andy, please.” She choked out in a whimper, losing control of her body as she forced her eyes open to look at him. Y/N breathed shakily as she pushed her tits out for him, watching him kiss his way to the valley of her breasts, letting his tongue leave sloppy wet marks along her soft skin. “I’m so wet.”

“Tell me what you want.” He muttered mindlessly, too distracted by his desire to kiss every inch of her gorgeous body. His tongue snaked across her chest to attach to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first.

“You.” She moaned weakly, her eyes closing in pleasure as her head spun, her hips bucking desperately as she gripped his hair. “I want you.”

Andy lifted his head, moving his body up to level with hers, their breaths mixing as he stared down at her intensely. “I can give you what you just asked for in so many different ways, baby.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips as he felt himself weakening under her touch. “But if you want what’s going on inside that sweet mind of yours,” He kissed her again, feeling her absentmindedly open her mouth to welcome his tongue. “You’re gunna have to get a little more graphic for me.”

She nodded obediently with a whimper, licking her lips as she watched his, her eyes glistening with desire as her hands smoothed over the burning skin of his stomach. “I want your mouth on my pussy.”

Andy let out a strangled grunt, his jaw clenching as his strong hand squeezed her bare thigh. “You wanna feel my tongue inside that tight little cunt of yours?” He breathed out heavily through his nose as he looked down at her submitting beneath him.

Y/N nodded shyly at the vulgarity of his words, biting her lip as the soft hair of his beard grazed her chin. “Go get on the bed.” Andy instructed as his lips pressed a kiss on her cheek. “Take your shorts and top off.” He continued as he kissed her other cheek. “Then wait for me like a good girl.” He mumbled as he watched her through hooded eyes, his head spinning with desire.

Y/N’s pussy clenched, her crotch nudging against his bulge as she immediately moved to get up, leaving Andy with a final peck on his lips. He watched her obediently make her way across the room, her shirt dropping to the floor before she’d even reached the hallway.

Andy let out a scoff in amusement, smiling admirably as he felt his heart burst with adoration for the girl. He took the moment alone to regain his strength which seemed to dissolve whenever she was begging him.

His cock throbbed when he walked into the bedroom, immediately seeing her tight little pussy on display for him now that her legs were spread. Andy unbuttoned his shirt as he strolled to the end of the bed, keeping his eyes glued on her dripping centre that was begging for him.

“I don’t remember telling you to take off your underwear.” He mumbled cheekily as his hands dropped to unbuckle his belt after running a hand through his tousled hair, pushing it out of his way as he subconsciously licked his lips.

Y/N’s leg lifted to dig her heel into the mattress, her pussy clenching as her eyes dropped to marvel at his tattooed body that she loved so much. She bit her lip in anticipation as she watched his big hands pull the belt, that had tied her up on multiple occasions, out of the loops and into his hand in a smooth motion.

“They were coming off eventually,” She dropped her voice in a sultry tone as she leaned back on her palm, batting her eyelashes as she watched him unbutton his pants in front of her. “Thought I’d save you some time.”

“And what if I wanted to fuck you with them on?” He raised his eyebrow, smirking as he moved his hand down to grip her ankle. He tugged at her feet, forcing her body towards him as her back hit the mattress. She giggled at his dominance, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she looked up at where he stood between her legs. Andy admired her naked form as he let go of her ankle, pushing his pants down before crawling onto the bed, hovering above her. “Have to wait until next time, won’t I?” He chuckled sweetly as he pressed a gentle kiss on her plump lips.

Her heart sank. There wouldn’t be a next time. A slight twinge of anxiety returned to her body as she remembered the secret he’d hidden from her so well. Was any of this real?

“Andy, wait.” She watched him slide his hand up her inner thigh as his lips travelled down her body, stopping inches away from her heat. Her chest heaved as she slightly panicked, feeling his movements come to a sudden stop.

He looked up, eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion as she tugged his hands off of her. Y/N silently rolled herself over, propping herself up on her knees as she pushed her palms into the mattress, her ass and pussy on display for him.

“Fuck,” Andy sighed in desire, his cock painfully straining inside of his boxers at the sight of her as he shifted to lay on his side. “This how you want it?”

“Mmh.” She moaned out with a nod, looking back at him from over her shoulder. Andy’s weight rested on his elbow as he came face to face with her pussy.

“So pretty.” He mumbled in awe, using his spare hand to grip the back of her thigh, spreading her ass cheek a bit more as he leaned in and kissed her pussy lips softly. “So wet.” He added, mumbling against her heat as he let his tongue poke teasingly out of his mouth, kissing her pussy again.

“Fuck.” She whispered shakily, already overwhelmed with pleasure as her head dropped against the mattress, desperately pushing her ass back towards him.

Andy licked a long strip up her slit, his spit mixing with her juices as he felt her jolting with pleasure in front of him, she was so responsive for him. “So sweet.” He mumbled against her pussy, the vibrations sending shivers through her body.

“Oh,” she whimpered erotically, arching her back as her hands gripped tightly against the bedsheets, her nipples rubbing against the mattress as she lost the strength to hold herself up. “Andy.”

Andy let go of her thigh, a growl escaping his lips as his passion took over, forcing his face deep into her pussy, his tongue rubbing against her inner walls. Andy guided his hand down, pushing inside his boxers to pull out his throbbing cock.

He moaned against her, pumping his thick shaft in his hand as he sucked on her clit. Andy’s eyes darkened with desire as he felt her fidget in front of him, rocking her hips against his face as he drank her arousal.

The slapping and sucking sounds of their intimate activity filled the air, a thin layer of sweat escaped her skin as her thighs shook, the pleasure taking over her body.

Andy teased his tip, spreading the leaking precum over his reddened tip before fucking into his hand again. He moaned as his tongue explored her eager pussy, drinking in her scent.

“Andy, I’m gunna cum.” Y/N whined desperately, the feeling on Andy’s beard tickling between her thighs too much for her to take. Her upper body collapsed against the bed as she jolted repeatedly, a bubbling pleasure building up inside of her as she reached a hand toward the pillows for support.

Her words only made his mouth fuck her harder, eager to watch her come undone as he flicked his tongue rapidly up and down her clit. A groan erupted from the back of his throat, his hand pumping his cock faster as a way of settling his desperate need for attention.

The vibration of his voice caused Y/N’s orgasm to hit, suddenly flooding her body with with pleasure as she desperately gripped the pillow her hand. Porn-star moans escaped her mouth as Andy lapped up her juices, his eagerness to feel her walls around him growing as he felt her overstimulated pussy jolting at his touch.

Andy pressed his thumb covered in his pre-cum against her core as he leaned back, admiring her puffy pussy lips through hooded eyes. The sight was almost enough for him to push her down and shove his face back between her thighs. But his cock was throbbing for attention. Y/N was too fucked out to pay much attention to Andy shifting behind her on the bed, still recovering from her orgasm as slid his boxers down his legs and knelt behind her, lining himself up with her soaked entrance before pushing his cock inside of her throbbing pussy.

“Oh, fuck.” Andy moaned loudly, his head dropping back in pleasure as a frown covered his face. His hands gripped her hips, her warm pussy clenching around his cock as he started thrusting in and out of her aching hole.

“Pull out.” Y/N whimpered out quickly, her head turning sideways to look at him over her shoulder as she moved her palm back to push him away by his stomach. His cock felt so good inside of her aching pussy, satisfying the need to feel him, like he was made to fit inside of her.

“No.” Andy growled desperately as he pulled her hips back against him hard, unable to fathom the idea of having to pull his cock out of her warm, dripping cunt.

“Andy,” Y/N hissed in frustration, whining at the feeling of his balls slap against her ass, the enormous amount pleasure coursing through her veins almost made her second guess her request. “I want your cock in my mouth first.”

Andy’s movements stilled as he let out a groan, a breathy chuckle leaving his lips as he leaned down to press his chest against her back. His cock angled deeper inside of her, a soft whimper leaving her lips as she arched back, feeling the material of his shirt which hung open on his body. “Well, in that case.” Andy chuckled deviously as he pressed his lips to the back of her shoulder, a sigh leaving his lips as he regretfully pulled out of her soft pussy.

Andy leaned back up on his knees, not even giving Y/N time to think about the empty feeling washing over her before tugging her backwards by her arm to press her back against his chest. Andy’s hand snaked around to her throat, his fingers digging into her flesh as he kissed her passionate. Y/N smiled as she kissed him back, feeling the desperation on his lips contrasted by his rough touches.

“Lay down for me, okay?” She asked sweetly, knowing that if she tried to command him in any way, he’d fuck her into the mattress just to put her in her place. She pecked his lips softly, feeling his cock nudging desperately between her ass cheeks.

Andy groaned as he pulled himself away from the kiss, her voice sweet enough to be able to get him to do anything. He let go of her body, shuffling to obey her request as he turned his body to lay his head on the pillows.

He watched the way she admired his cock that was standing proudly, glistening with her juices as she crawls toward him. She bit her lip, her soft hand running ticklishly up one of his thighs as her lips kissed along the other.

Andy groaned as her lips inched closer to his throbbing member, his hips bucking slightly in need. Y/N’s mouth watered at the sight of his cock, unable to stop her lips from wrapping around his tip, her tongue flicking ever so teasingly over him.

Andy let out a grunt of frustration, forcing his eyes to stay open as his hand moved down to rest on the back of her head. Y/N could tell he wanted to take control, feeling his cock throbbing against her tongue as she glided it down his shaft and started bobbing her head.

“Fuck, baby.” Andy’s hand tightened on her head, his fingers digging into her scalp as he tugged hard on her hair, little moans escaping his open mouth uncontrollably. “Just like that.”

He breathed out shakily, his eyes fixated on the sight of her between his legs, gagging on his cock as she took his whole length. Y/N let her jaw go slack, allowing him the freedom of controlling her movements as he fucked into her mouth.

Andy’s jaw clenched as he felt his tip hit the back of her throat, sending waves of pleasure through his body. “Oh, fuck.” His face screwed up, in awe of just how good she always made him feel.

The sound of Andy’s heavy breathing has Y/N’s pussy clenching in anticipation of his throbbing cock being back inside of her. She moaned around his length, bobbing her head to assist with the rhythm that his hand was moving it up and down. The drops of saliva that trickled down her mouth didn’t cross her mind as they landed on Andy’s skin.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed, breathing through her nose as Andy’s cock filled her throat, her nails digging harshly into the flesh of his thigh.

Andy movements came to a sudden stop, desperately trying to recompose himself as he almost lost control. He kept her lips against his skin as he held her head down, his cock filling her mouth and opening her throat as he tried to stop himself from reaching his climax.

“Fuck.” He moaned loudly, eyes not leaving the sight of her mouth warming his thick cock. Y/N was caught by surprise, trying to control her breathing as she choked, swallowing around him in an attempt to breathe. “Baby I’m gunna cum down that pretty little throat of yours if you don’t stop.”

She whimpered at his words, staying in position as her pussy dripped down her thighs, moving her other hand to rest on Andy’s lower stomach, trailing her fingers delicately over the skin.

Her throat started to involuntarily tighten as Andy watched her keep his cock in her mouth like a pacifier. He licked his lips as his blue eyes locked with hers, finally letting go of her head as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

Y/N took a moment to catch her breath, leaning up on her hands as they smiled knowingly at eachother. Andy watched intensely as she crawled up his body, their skin touching intimately as she sat back on her knees, straddling his waist.

He pulled her into a deep kiss as her hand cupped his beard covered jaw, her head tilting to grant him more access. Y/N rocked her hips down from where she sat above him, feeling his thick cock nudge against her pussy.

Andy moaned into the kiss, his hands sliding from her hips around to massage her ass cheeks. She sucked on his bottom lip desperately, pressing her chest against his she let go of his jaw, tugging the material of his shirt off of his body. She slid her hand down to his cock once he was completely naked beneath her, lining him up with her entrance as she braced herself for the feeling of his cock stretching her out.

“You’re so needy for my cock, baby.” Andy groaned into her ear as he tugged her hand away from his shaft, jolting his hips up to push himself fully inside of her.

“Andy.” Y/N moaned out with a gasp, surprised by his sudden movement as she momentarily dropped her head onto his chest, losing control of her body as her nails dug into his arm.

Andy’s wide chest caught her weak body, guiding her ass back and forth along his length with his big hands. “I’m not gunna last long.” He groaned desperately as his lips parted in pleasure, his eyes squeezing shut as he felt her pussy tight around him.

“So big.” She whimpered softly, still trying to stretch in order to accommodate to his size. Andy kissed her temple lovingly, his heart sinking at her words as his cock twitching inside of her rubbed up against her walls.

“Thought you would’ve gotten used to me by now.” He whispered cheekily, trying to distract her from the pain. He dropped his head to press a kiss to her lips, smiling as he noticed her chuckle shakily in response, both of them drunk on the feeling of their intimacy.

“Your cock is huge, Andy.” She mumbled sweetly as she kissed him back, starting to move her hips slowly as she adjusted to his thick shaft. “It’d take a lot longer than this for me to get used to it.”

“Shit.” He hissed as Y/N forced herself to bounce a little faster on him, a soft sound of their skin slapping together filled the room. Her stomach clenched as she paced up and down his cock, feeling so full with him inside of her.

One of her hands lifted to rest on his shoulder, the other on the mattress beside his head as she sat up on him, regaining her strength. Little whimpers left her lips as she pleasured herself on Andy’s cock, feeling his strong hands holding her tightly. His fingers left marks on her curvy hips, the new angle gave them both an increased amount of pleasure.

Groans rumbled in Andy’s throat as he clenched his jaw, admiring the gorgeous woman above him. He forced his eyes to stay on her, smitten with the way her back arches towards him, the way her tits bounce with every thrust, the way her face looks flushed and so very satisfied.

“Andy” She moaned his name, her eyes fluttering shut as she slid her hand from his shoulder to his chest, her finger nails digging into his skin.

He was mesmerised by the way her pussy smacked down against his skin with every bounce of her hips, rubbing the length his cock with her tight walls.

“C’mere.” Andy mumbled breathlessly, reaching his hand up to lift her arm from his chest, as he tugged her arm towards his head. He pulled her body down on to him with ease, desperate to have her closer.

Y/N didn’t hesitate to obey to his gentle command, resting her chest flush against his once more as she looked up at him through hooded eyes. His hands slid down to her ass, spreading her cheeks as he took control, thrusting up into her.

She forced her head to stay focused on him, even as the overwhelming pleasure filled her body. Andy instantly smiled admiringly down at her, proud of how well she was taking him. His heart fluttered as he noticed her smiling beck at him, losing theirselves in the love they felt.

He grunted desperately, feeling his cock push deep inside of her with every jolt of his hips. “Just because you’re on top, doesn’t mean you’re in control.” He mumbled through hooded eyes, craving more and more of her attention.

Y/N chuckled at his comment before whimpering as his cock hit her cervix, leaning up to kiss him as she cupped his jaw in an attempt to satisfy the need to bring him closer.

Andy kissed her back, his tongue slipping into her mouth to twirl with hers. He lifted his knees, pressing the heels of his feet into the mattress as he fucked up into her with more leverage.

Y/N moaned as she felt Andy’s cock slide deeper into her, protruding through the bottom of her tummy from inside of her. She moaned into another loving kiss, her clit rubbing against his skin as she felt her orgasm bubbling.

“Want you to cum around my cock.” Andy moaned against her lips, one hand digging into the thick flesh of her thigh as his length twitched inside of her.

“You’re close, Andy.” She whispered back matter-of-factly, noticing the way his cock was twitching desperately inside of her. Andy knew she was right, he could feel his release rapidly building up, his heart swelling at how well she knew him.

He nodded in response, their breaths colliding as Andy’s spare hand held the back of her head, tugging her hair slightly out of desperation.

Andy quickened his pace, feeling her juices running down onto his balls. Moans filled the room as Y/N moved her hips down aggressively, using the last of her strength to sit back up on Andy.

The sudden change of her angle was too much for Andy, sending him spilling his seed inside of her as his hips jolted erratically.

“Fuck.” He moaned as his face screwed up in pleasure, his eyebrows furrowing as he emptied his seed into her tight pussy, not letting go of his grip on her body.

Andy didn’t stop slamming up into her, the feeling of her pussy clenching around his length was something he never wanted to stop.

Y/N felt her orgasm wash over her with a loud moan, his cock rutting into her sensitive pussy as her hole filled with his warm cum. Her nails dug into his chest as they both stilled for a moment, trying to make the euphoria of the moment last.

Her overstimulated pussy pulsated around his cock, still deep inside of her as he took hold of her wrist softly, looking up at her in admiration.

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to steady herself with one hand as she felt Andy’s lips kissing her wrist. Her stomach sunk as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat, dread washing away the pleasure.

“Say it.” She whispered breathlessly, her eyes slowly opening as she looked at him innocently through her lashes.

“I love you.” He spoke without hesitation between kisses, his eyes never leaving her face as he admired her beauty.

“No, Andy.” She sighed irritably, lifting her hips up just enough for his cock to slide out of her, emptying herself of his length before sitting back down on him carefully. “Just say it.”

Andy sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he felt his heart sinking inside of his chest. He knew that his truth would catch up with him eventually, he just hoped it would be further in the future. The sadness that covered Y/N’s face had his heart aching at her pain, hating that he’d done that to her. “I’m married.”

She held her breath for a moment too long, feeling her heart break as the words left his lips. “I hate you.” She mumbled, closing her eyes to stop the tears from escaping. She sighed heaving as she laid her chest back on to his, enjoying the last of his presence. How could she have let herself so vulnerable? Why did she ever let her guard down? Why did she ever let him in?

“I know.” Andy sighed heavily, hating himself for hurting her. She hid her saddened face in the dip of his neck, relaxing against him as she inhaled his scent. Andy’s hands slid up her sides to wrap around her back, hugging her tightly.

The haunting silence engulfed the room, an emptiness between them where there had once been an overwhelming sense of fulfilment. Andy knew deep down in his gut that he’d lost her. He knew how much he’d unintentionally hurt her. He knew it was over. But there was nothing he could do, because the truth was, it never even should’ve started.

taglist:

@harrysthiccthighss @annestine @bestofbucky @velvetcardiganbucky @sexwithhiddlesbatch @be-patient-be-good @codyl-angdon @marveljunkieee @melchills-j @krislhurt @patzammit

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total-drama-takes-takes-2 · 2 years ago

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tti episode 25 - version 1

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MCLOVIN: “I guess I had a good time. I made a lot of new friends,”

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MICHAEL: “Now people hate my existence and want to kill me! Great job at making new friends, Michela!"

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MCLOVIN: “I’m not too surprised I made it this far. It’s like my mom always says, a positive attitude can get you anywhere!”

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MICHAEL: “I’m honestly shocked I haven’t given up yet. I mean, I was so sure I’d be a mid-season boot and now I’m a finalist!”

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MCLOVIN: “The food? It was okay... when it wasn’t trying to kill me,”

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MICHAEL: “Don’t even get me started on the supposed “food” we had to eat. It’d probably be inhumane to serve that stuff to dogs,”

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MCLOVIN: “The rats in the kitchen wouldn’t even touch it,”

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MICHAEL: “And the people?”

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MCLOVIN: “The people were awesome! Sure, there were some fights, but I’ve never met so many amazing friends than on this island!”

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MICHAEL: “-a bunch of lazy, stubborn, self-centered jerks who only cared about themselves. Well… most of them,”