#i really wish i knew what past me was thinking

[amfstargirl]

Details of half return

The narrative starts with y/n going back to their old house, where they start with reminiscing about memories from their old home. They admire every mark they left in their home when they were a kid not knowing that was the last time they were gonna live and make memories there. It's also a perfect situation where you can relate to Adrianne Lenker's lyrics, specifically in which she says, “standing in the yard, dressed like a kid,” which indicates a moment of nostalgia. To me, this song is highly associated with missing the innocence, youth, childhood, or simply who you were in the past.

 If you're wondering why the reader goes to their old house, it's because it's a way of letting go for them. As they have said in the story that it was a way of letting go and mourning that version of them. Because you can never really let go if you're not mourning/did not mourn even the slightest.They saw it as a necessary step in the process of growing and becoming a new person.

In the old house scene, you can see the memory of the reader, where they see the life they want in the lives of others, making them yearn for that. The space between two windows, reader and their neighbor, indicates or symbolizes their current life (reader's window), while the other mirrors the life they long for (neighbor's window), like a window to their desired reality. So watching the Barbie movies/shows through their neighbor was them actually watching the life they wish for. 

Also, the puppy she found on a random day while she was alone. The puppy is a symbolic object of the reader. As you saw in the first scene where they both first met, it was said that the puppy was just crying for its mother and father, hoping, waiting. (That's eerily familiar, don't you think?) And! The reader named the puppy “Amara,” which, if I'm not mistaken, means forever loved, which she is. Amara was a mirror of y/n's soul. And y/n treated them the way they have always wanted to be treated. 

But Amara is not a mirror to the current reader's soul. Do you get it? Because Amara was the symbol of the past version of them, which means they were the beacon of youth Y/N once had. Amara staying and waiting within the walls of where they both grew up just connects to y/n’s journey of letting go. That is why when the reader saw her, whispered gently to her and reassured her that it was okay, that she could rest now. representing readers' way of saying goodbye to the old y/n and letting them rest. The scarred innocent of their younger self is now free from the heavy pain of the things they went through. 

The scene where the reader “made up” with their mother and the fact that their mother admitted she never hated them that much but couldn't confirm that she didn't entirely hate them is SO important. It was a moment where their mother finally acknowledged her faults and apologized bitterly but with sincerity. She was very honest in that scene, as she knew that was what you needed and wanted. No sugar-coated words, only the truth. Also the fact that they made up, but it was also going to be the last time they would see each other!! Because the reader cut them off on good terms, and that was the final step in making peace with everything that was part of their past. 

Also, if yall were wondering how the reader “moved on” with the Bat family, it was actually the first ever step they took in making peace with their past. As their way of doing it was just accepting. Accepting that they will never see them as family, and they will never be interested in them in any way. (Guess who got clowned.)

And Alfred, who was driven by his own selfish desires. Now we all know that it was Alfred who took care of the reader the moment they got to the manor, so naturally it would be Alfred who first spiraled into yanderism. I like the idea of Alfred; despite wanting what's best for the reader and what makes her happy, he is still a yandere. And that means he still has traits of a yandere, which is what made him come up with a heavily detailed plan. 

[millieisawriter]

Oh, baby

arthur morgan x reader

summary: arthur being a sweet baby daddy, even if you aren't as optimistic

wc: 2k

tw: accidental/unwanted pregnancy

all pics taken from pinterest

based on this request

a/n: yeeeehaw finally back from my break

Getting pregnant wasn’t ever something you planned nor wanted to happen. Hooking up with Arthur, you were aware of the possible consequences. Both of you were, but the consequences aren’t something you thought about during the heat of the moment. And now you were living with them. Suffering through them.

Meanwhile Arthur didn’t seem so upset.You supposed you were somewhat lucky he was the one that got you pregnant, he wasn’t running off or pretending it wasn’t happening. But his optimism was starting to piss you off. From the day you had told him, he’s been attentive, caring, and a little happier. He wasn’t that grumpy guy the gang had known anymore. Now, he had a reason to be happy, perhaps even to live.

“Brought you somethin’.”

Arthur’s voice cut through the spiraling thoughts in your head as you sat alone by the fire. No bottle nor a cigarette in your hand, as it would’ve usually been. Now you had to be careful.

You looked at Arthur as he sat down beside you on the log. “What’s that?” You muttered as he handed you a small brown paper package.

He shrugged nonchalantly. “Open it and see.”

You frowned, but curiosity got the best of you and your fingers ripped the paper. Inside, there was a blanket. A new one, not stolen. It was neatly folded, soft, and warm. For the baby.

Your stomach twisted. The moment your fingers brushed over the fabric, it all felt even more real. As if it hadn’t already been real enough. And this wasn’t even the first thing Arthur had bought. If things were different, maybe you’d be happy. If you were different. But you weren’t. You didn’t want any of this.

“You keep buying all these things,” you said.

Arthur replied as if that was the most obvious thing. “Somebody has to think ahead.”

“And that somebody is you?”

“Well, I’m the father.”

You scoffed and shoved the blanket back at him. “Yeah, well, I don’t want it.”

“Ain’t for you,” he shot back, his tone softening when he realized he shouldn’t have snapped back so harshly, “it’s for the baby.”

You stood up. It’s been baby this and baby that for the past few months. No wonder it was starting to get on your nerves. “I can’t wait until this,” you gestured at your stomach, “is finally over so I can go get shitfaced.”

Arthur didn’t smirk, knowing it wasn’t a joke. He didn’t even reply, not having the words. He tried, he really tried to help you warm up to the idea. There wasn’t much he could do. He had searched for solutions to make your problem disappear. Doctors had the skills and tools to help you out, but the problem was it wasn’t legal. Doctors were scared of helping ordinary people in that matter, let alone outlaws wanted in many states with bounties bigger than the money you’ve ever made.

“I just… I hate this, Arthur,” you admitted finally, “I hate feeling slow. Weak. I hate the way y’all look at me like I ain’t me no more.”

Arthur stood up as well. Looking down at your face, he saw how glassy your eyes were. You didn’t want to cry, you were fighting it. “Ain’t nobody thinks you’re weak,” Arthur tried to assure you.

You scoffed. “Oh, please, don’t tell me you don’t see it. The way the gang treats me like I’m fragile. Like I ain’t spent the last few years robbing and shooting and killing right beside y’all.”

“Difference is, now you don’t live just for yourself.”

Arthur paused, and so did you. An uncomfortable silence settled between the two of you. The kind of silence that made the night around you feel overwhelming. You wished you could run, run away from all your problems.

Arthur continued, “I know this ain’t what you wanted. I know you’re scared—”

“I ain’t scared.”

But you knew he was right. You were scared, you had no idea how to be a mother. This had never been in the cards for you. You were an outlaw first, a woman second. And now, you were going to be a mother first.

Arthur let out a breath slowly. “Ain’t a crime to be scared,” he said, “hell, I’m scared too. But we can deal with this, you have me. Me and everyone else in this gang.”

“I don’t know how to do this, Arthur,” you muttered, your voice low.“I don’t wanna do this. I ain’t no mother material, and you ain’t exactly cut out to be a father either.”

Well, that hurt, but you had no idea about his past, about Isaac. The day Isaac and Eliza died, Arthur promised to himself that if he gets another chance, he’ll do better. And maybe you were his another chance.

“I tried,” Arthur sat back down on the log, his elbows on his knees as he stared into the dying fire, “tried to find someone, a doc, a midwife, someone who could help you. Ain’t no one who’d do it, not for us. Not for you. They’re scared to do it for normal folk, we can’t even dream of it.”

You opened your mouth to say something, but then closed it without a word. You swallowed, despite your mouth being suddenly dry. There really was no way out.

You sat down next to Arthur, closer than ever, so close your legs touched. The thing that really got to you was that he had tried. That he had gone looking, knowing well that helping you meant getting rid of something he clearly wanted to keep. Something that was important to him.

“Why?” You asked suddenly.

Arthur turned to look at you. “Why what?”

“Why did you try to help me?”

“Cause I care about you.”

Your throat tightened, and you hated it. You weren’t supposed to cry. Not over this. Not over him.

He continued. “I ain’t gonna pretend I don’t want this kid. I do. But I ain’t the one who’s gotta carry the burden, and I sure as hell ain’t the one who’s gotta go through all this. You are.”

You sniffed and looked away. “Well, ain’t no fixing it now, I guess.”

“No,” the man nodded slowly.

There was silence again, but now just a bit more comfortable. You could hear the soft hum of the night, a distant owl, the fire crackling in front of you, the wind dancing with the leaves. Maybe this wasn’t going to be that bad.

“Now,” Arthur gave your knee a light squeeze as he pushed himself to his feet, “you eaten yet?”

You rolled your eyes. “Of course I have. That thing makes me eat everything in sight.”

Arthur raised an eyebrow at you, his gaze telling you he didn’t exactly believe your words.

You huffed. “Okay. I haven’t.”

“That’s what I thought. Sit here for a moment.”

He turned around to bring you something to eat. Something he got in town, something that wasn’t Pearson’s stew.

And you weren’t going anywhere. You hadn’t moved from your place at the fire for the past few hours. That was how most of your days looked lately. From time to time, someone else would join you, but the more pregnant you were, the more snappy you were. At some point it became easier to leave you alone.

“Eat,” Arthur ordered as he gave you some bread, cheese, and an apple. Then, he reached into his satchel to take out a chocolate bar.

It was a lovely gesture. The food wasn’t some fancy dinner, but not like you expected anything fancy. Fancy isn’t a thing when it comes to any aspect of the outlaw life. The food was simple, but better than whatever was floating in Pearson’s stew.

“Thank you.”

You bit into the bread first, interchangeably taking bites of the cheese. Then, not having fully swallowed the cheese yet, you opened the chocolate and took a few bites. And later on you finished it off with the apple.

You didn’t deserve that kind of understanding. Arthur had wanted this baby. He was probably excited, dreaming about a future you couldn’t bring yourself to imagine. Even if he himself would deny it, you knew he deserved better.

Out of a sudden, you asked, “Why ain’t you mad at me?”

Arthur frowned. “Why would I be mad?”

“Because I don’t want this, and you do. I’ve been a pain in the ass to everyone, you included.”

“You have every right to be like this. Your body isn’t yours anymore. I’d be mad as hell if I were in your shoes.”

Arthur was so understanding it made you nauseous. You wanted to hit him and cuddle into him at the same time.

Then, you felt something. As you threw the apple core into the fire, you felt a weird sensation in your belly. Some shifting, pressing from the inside. Then, a sharp kick.

“What the hell?” You hissed, looking down at the curve of your belly.

Arthur straightened immediately. “What’s wrong?”

“It just kicked me,” your hands went to your stomach, fingers pressing against the spot, feeling the kick again. “You want me to throw you a real punch, little bastard?”

You heard Arthur laugh. His laughter was genuine, probably for the first time ever.

“You wouldn’t be laughing if a baby was trying to kick its way out of your guts, Arthur.” You groaned, rubbing a hand over your belly. Another kick made you jolt slightly. It wasn’t something you were used to, the baby didn’t kick before. “Keep that up and I’ll— ouch!”

Arthur’s laughter died down, and now he was just smiling as he leaned in. He hesitated before saying, “Lemme feel.”

You looked at him with disbelief. “What?”

“The baby. Lemme feel the kicks.”

You sighed, eyeing him for a moment before grabbing his wrist and placing his hand on your belly. His touch was warm, but soft. When you let go of his wrist, his hand practically hovered millimeters above your skin as if he were scared of pressing too hard.

For a second, there was nothing. You were about to tell him to forget it when another kick landed right against his hand. Arthur stilled completely. You could see his face firstly flash with a surprise, which soon switched into a smile. He looked damn near mesmerized.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” he muttered, eyes focused on where his hand rested.

You could see it in his face, how much this meant to him. It was strange, seeing Arthur Morgan like that. He looked younger somehow, hopeful in a way you hadn’t seen the whole time you knew him.

You scoffed, trying to ignore the lump forming in your throat. “Told you. Little shit’s got an attitude already.”

Arthur grinned. “Must take after you.”

You looked at the man as he kept his attention on your stomach. Nobody was arguing, nobody was scheming, nobody was running from the law. Just the two of you sitting there, Arthur’s palm resting against your stomach, feeling the proof of the thing that had turned your whole damn world upside down.

After a while, he finally broke the silence. “You ever think maybe this don’t gotta be as bad as you think?”

You didn’t answer right away, because, yeah, you had thought about it. Not in a hopeful way, not in the way Arthur had, but in a tired, resigned sort of way. You weren’t getting rid of it. You weren’t running from it. Whether you liked it or not, this was happening.

Then, suddenly, all you said was, “We can’t let the baby become like us.” And your voice finally carried a softness that wasn’t there for the past few months.

Arthur smiled, finally pulling his hand away. “We won’t.”

[crashdevlin]

High Walls in Gotham

Author’s Note: I'm so happy to be back!

Summary: Jason has known Y/n since they were running together on the streets. Now that they’re in their 20s, Jason is Red Hood cleaning up the streets of Gotham with bullets and blood, and Y/n is White Witch, the criminal elite’s favorite fence and Black Mask’s favorite advisor. With their places in Gotham so opposed, does their past even matter?

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Word count: 3438

Story Warnings: a bit of angst and mutual pining.

~~~

When rain falls in Gotham, it turns an already-dark city into a cloud of ink-colored oil slick. The city doesn’t care, though. It keeps going through the rain. Businessmen do their business, taxis run their fares, criminals plot their crimes, and heroes foil them.

Jason Todd continues through the rain, too. Three parts hero, two parts criminal, and one part little boy who never really grew up.

My security system goes off to inform me that I have a visitor approaching the door of the apartment. A blur of black and red passes the camera as I pull up the video on my phone. I get to my door and open it, just as he raises his hand to knock. It takes him by surprise and gives me a chance to get a good look at him. Red hood and matching mask, brown fatigue pants, black and red boots. His eyes are grey today.

He covers his shock quickly and pushes into my living room. “Shipment of guns coming in. Big one. I want details.”

“Please, come in, Jason. Would you like anything? A drink or perhaps a lesson in manners?” I greet him as I shut the door.

“Save it. I want names, dates, times. Now,” he demands, crossing his arms over his chest and glaring at me.

“Come on. If I knew something, I’d tell you. Sounds like you know more than I do.”

His eyes narrow further and I can tell he’s wishing he could intimidate me like he does other criminals. Well, it’s just too bad for him that I know him too well. “Quit playing dumb, Y/n. You get your fingers into any pie you can reach in this city. Last time an arms shipment came through, you were the one who told me about it.”

“Exactly.” I cross my arms and look bored. “I knew something, I told you. This time I don’t know anything, so that is why I have nothing to tell you.”

Jason glares more before sighing. “Fine. Let’s play a game. You answer a question honestly, and I’ll leave.”

I smile and nod. “Sure.”

“Who are you working for right now? And don’t even try that self-employed bullshit. You’re always in someone’s pocket.”

I lick my lips and take a breath. “Black Mask,” I respond.

“Black Mask again, huh? Figures. He’s the only one crazy enough to work with you repeatedly without killing you. ‘Kay, next question.”

I put my hand on my chest in mock offense. “Are you trying to wound me, Jason?” I nod. “All right, then. Next question.”

“You dating him?”

“What?”

“Dating, fucking, whatever.”

I laugh out loud, the sound echoing through my suite. “Are you serious, right now? I’d never let Roman touch me! He’s rich but he’s a fucking psycho. I have standards!”

“So you aren’t protecting him because you’re screwing him. So why are you protecting him?”

“I’m not protecting him. Black Mask doesn’t need me to protect him.” I shake my head. “I don’t know about any shipment of guns. I swear.”

He stares at me, examining my face for any trace of deception. He sighs when he doesn’t find any. “Something’s not right. I know guns are coming in. I’ve heard a dozen people whispering about it, but no one knows anything.”

“Have you asked your former mentor? Or any of the other birdies?” I ask, taking a step closer to him.

He tenses at the mention of his former family, jaw tight and anger in his posture. “Damn it. You think they might know something?”

“I learned a long time ago that Batman and Robin know what’s going on in this city. Much to chagrin.”

“Yeah. Which means they know about you working for Black Mask. They know you’re working with any criminal who throws money at you.”

I blink at him a few times before smiling tightly. “I’m not a stripper; no one throws money at me.” I step toward my kitchen, turning my back so he won’t see my emotions on my face. “And I’m a small fry. If they know about me, I’m likely listed as ‘nameless fence slash goon number 3’.”

I grab a beer from my fridge and distract myself with opening and drinking it. “You think I believe you’re just a fence?” he challenges, following me into the kitchen. “I know you better than that.”

“What, exactly, do you think I do, then, Jason?”

“Black Mask keeps you around for a reason, Y/n. If you’re not fucking him, you’re advising him, and if you’re advising him…” He grabs my shoulders and forces me to face him. “Then you’re protecting him, and if you’re protecting him, you’re lying to me.”

“I protect myself and those I care about. Roman doesn’t qualify,” I respond, glaring slightly as I look up into his eyes. “Now, I answered your questions. I’m done with your game. You can leave now.”

I move away from him, intent to show him the door, but he grabs my elbow to stop me. “I’m not-” he starts, but I’m done with our conversation. I spin back, gun from my back holster pressed against his temple.

“Let’s not,” I say coldly.

He looks at the gun for a moment. “You’re not left-handed. Think you could actually-”

“Safety’s already off and I doubt accuracy would matter much at this range. Would you like to meet God again?”

I’d never pull the trigger but he doesn’t know that. He puts his hands up and steps back. “Fine. I’ll talk to Dick, see if he knows anything.”

“Good idea,” I say as he walks toward the door.

“Oh, and, uh,” he turns at the door and smirks at me. “Your safety is on.”

I roll my eyes as he leaves. Of course the safety was on. I wouldn’t actually clock him with a loaded gun if the safety wasn’t safe. I sigh and take a seat on my sofa. I hate that I love that idiot. As terrible as it seems, I would’ve been better off emotionally if he had just stayed dead.

~~~

I spend a lot of time at the Black Mask Club. Roman likes having me around…and I like people-watching. There’s so much information that can be gleaned from watching interactions. I watch a couple clowns walk in, followed by the pigtail-wearing blond. Joker doesn’t follow, but the fact that his goons are with her says that Harley and Joker are back together. Wonderful. I approach and offer a smile to the clowns before Harley turns to me.

“White Witch! It’s been forever!” She wraps her arms around me and I return the gesture. She shoos away the goons and offers me a seat next to her at the bar. “Yer a fixture here lately, ain’ ya?

“Even when I’m not on his payroll, it’s a good idea to keep tabs on what Roman’s up to.” I throw a look at the goons. “I see you’re back with Facepaint.”

She shrugs. “Aw, Mr. J ain’t so bad. He bought me this bracelet to apologize.” She shows off a diamond tennis bracelet I recognize as having been stolen a week ago.

“You know I don’t judge, Harley, but-”

“Yeah, ya do,” she argues. “Yer still salty that my puddin’ put down your puddin’.”

I smile politely. “I do not now, nor have I ever had, a ‘puddin’. I’m just saying…deserve better.”

“Does she now?” A higher pitched manic voice behind me says. I have to work to keep the smile on my face as the clown joins Harley at the bar. “I give Harley everything she could ever ask for.”

“Of course! A happier woman, I’ve never seen,” I force out, keeping the smile despite the fact that I want to take a crowbar to Joker’s stupid, smiling face. “You two have a good night. Enjoy your drinks.” I turn away and walk toward Roman in the VIP.

“What crawled up her stovepipe and died?” Joker asks.

“She’s just lonely. Don’t worry ‘bout her.” At least Harley has the decency to keep her observations about me and Jason to herself. The last thing I need is for that clown monster to know I have a soft spot worth exploiting.

“Fuckin’ clown,” Roman says as I step up into the VIP area.

“I didn’t know you had a problem with Joker,” I say as I grab a glass of wine and take a seat beside him.

“Everyone with half a mind has a problem with that crazy fuck. He’s unpredictable.”

“I knew there was a reason I liked you, Roman.”

“Has nothing to do with me bankrolling your lifestyle, then?” he jokes.

“Absolutely not,” I respond with a smirk. I take a sip of wine and settle in for the night, trying to ignore the clowns. Joker doesn’t deserve to be sitting in a bar with a beautiful woman at his side. He doesn’t deserve the cushy cell in Arkham that he’ll be in next time Batman takes him off the streets. Joker deserves an unmarked grave in a pauper’s graveyard. Of course, Batman would never put him down. He’d never do the right thing. He’d only do what he thought was right.

Jackass.

~~~

I leave the Black Mask Club at about 2 in the morning. I wave off the bodyguards that want to walk me to my car. I don’t need them. I sigh when I see Red Hood leaning against my car door. “Two nights in a row. You’re gonna make me think you’re sweet on me, Hood.”

“So I was thinking about our talk, ya know, before you pulled your gun on me,” he starts, ignoring my comment as he stands up straight. “You said you protect the ones you care about. I didn’t think there was anyone you cared about besides yourself.”

I nod, faking a thoughtful expression. “You’re right. You know me so well. I do only care for myself.”

“No, I’m thinking I was wrong, actually. I think there must be someone you actually give a fuck about.”

I push past him to open my car door but he puts his hand on the door to prevent me from moving. I push down my anger and look up at him. “Years ago, there was a dumbass boy I gave a fuck about, but he died about a decade ago.” I take a deep breath and look up into the eyes of his mask.

His posture changes but I can’t see expression because of that fucking mask. “Sorry. I was just-”

I roll my eyes, happy that it went over his head. “You were just pushing my buttons.”

“I was teasing. I didn’t think… what happened?” he asks, stepping back to let me open my door.

“Gotham happened,” I respond before getting in my car and turning it on. He steps back and I peel out of the parking lot.

I wish he would leave me the fuck alone sometimes. I had to see him dead already. I had to mourn him already. I can’t see him die again, not for this city and not for the goddamn Bat.

I wish I really was as cold and heartless as people think I am.

~~~

“Think we got one of ‘em to take the bait,” Roman says when I enter his office in the morning. I offer him a cup of coffee and take a seat in the armchair in front of his desk.

“Yeah? Did you get the Bat to bite?”

“No. Un-fucking-fortunately, I think it’s the other one…not the kid, the other bird.”

“Nightwing? Used to be Robin?” I ask, my stomach dropping a bit.

“Yeah. These idiot ‘heroes’ and their stupid fuckin’ names,” Roman sneers.

“Like Black Mask and White Witch and Poison Ivy and fuckin’ Calendar Man?” I snap, my heart racing with fear. Jason went to Dick. Dick is going to lead Jay into a trap.

“You got a fuckin’ problem, bitch?” Roman growls, leaning forward.

I lick my lips and shake my head. “Ya know, I think I might be PMSing. You need me to stick around or can I go home?”

“Yeah, get the fuck out of here. Don��t need your fucking attitude,” he dismisses. I stand and walk out of his office, forcing myself to walk to avoid his attention, but I want to run. I need to warn Jason. Now.

I race to Jason’s apartment, swerving through cars and going 80 in a 45. I screech to a stop, easily parking in front of the building and running inside. I slam my fist into the wood of his door. I wait a few seconds then hit the door again. Jason finally opens the door and I push into his apartment. He looks over at me, exhaustion on his face. He runs his hand through his hair as he closes his door.

“I hope you have a good reason to wake me up when-”

“Shut the fuck up and listen to me,” I interrupt. His eyes go wide at my tone. “Do not go to the docks tonight.”

His eyebrows come together in confusion. “How do- Wait.” He crosses his arms over his chest and glares at me. “You lied to me. You do know about the guns.”

“Of course I do; it’s my job to know this shit. The point was for you not to know because it’s a fucking trap.” I step closer to him. “Roman was hoping to catch the Bat so he put rumors out in the world about the guns. It’s not for you.”

“What, you were gonna let Black Mask kill-”

“Yes! Let Bruce finally get what’s coming to him, sure! But not you,” I insist. “Not again.”

Jason blinks a few times before his expression softens. “You know I can’t just let those guns into the city.”

“Let someone else take care of it, Jason. Please,” I whisper.

He runs his hand through his hair. “Who? Especially knowing it’s a trap, who can I give it to?”

“Give it to Gordon. Let GCPD actually do their jobs for once. Or tell Batman. Let him know it’s a trap, that way he can prepare, but don’t walk into that shit.”

“Dick and I-”

I grab his shirt and look up into his eyes. “Don’t. Go.”

He looks shocked at the intensity in my expression. “Okay. I’ll…toss it to someone else.”

I sigh in relief and let go of his shirt. “Good.” I move to leave, but his hand wraps around my wrist and I turn back to look at him,. He’s looking down at his ugly carpet, white strands of hair falling into his eyes.

“That dumbass boy from your past that you were talking about… is he…”

I scoff and shake my head a little. Had to know he’d figure it out after this. “Still a dumbass with anger issues despite being murdered years ago? Yeah.”

He closes his eyes for a second. “What if…this dumbass…what if he cared about you, too?”

I take a deep breath as tears threaten my eyes. “Then he’d be a bigger dumbass than I thought ‘cause he’d be clinging to me the way I’ve been clinging to him.”

He takes an audible breath, his fingers tightening around my wrist. “You’re clinging to the real him… the old him. Do you want him back? That him, not the… ghost you’ve been talking to?”

I shake my head, the tears finally welling up. “You’re not a ghost, Jay. You came back…and you’ve been angry, but… anyone who doesn’t understand…they never fucking understood you in the first place,” I say, thinking about Batman admonishing him for becoming the Hood.

He looks over at me, his eyes green and wet with unshed tears. “Do you? Do you understand why I became the Red Hood?”

“Of course.” I discretely wipe my eyes and clear my throat. “You grew up seeing the same thing I did, the true darkness in the heart of Gotham. Then Batman took you from the streets and gave you a purpose more than just surviving. He taught you his morals and gave you a place at his side and that place next to him, it got you killed. And then…”

“And then I came back… broken and changed,” he says, his voice low.

“No. Not broken.” I blink away more tears. “Changed. Of course you changed. You came back different, angry at the way his morals put you in a place to…” I look down, anger filling me. “Joker should never have been allowed to live after the first time he escaped Arkham. Throwing them in jail over and over does fucking nothing. It’s a stupid cycle that Batman perpetuates because he knows that he is nothing if he doesn’t have anyone to fight against. You shouldn’t have had to pay that price for him.”

He looks over at me, shocked by some part of my diatribe. “You…” he starts, his voice cracking.

I lick my lips and take a deep breath to try to regain the composure I usually pride myself on. “When Bruce Way adopted you, I was so jealous. Even when I watched the Boy Wonder beat up my dad’s drug dealer and I heard your voice from under that stupid domino mask… I was happy for you. But when Joker killed you… I wanted to kill Bruce. It was his fault.” I tuck my hair behind my ears. “If I’d been older, if I hadn’t been a 15 year old girl with no access to billionaire Bruce Wayne… I would have tried, but I knew I couldn’t get close enough.”

“You still feel that way? After all these years?”

“Never stopped.” I clear my throat and pull my hand away from him. “Anyway.”

“Don’t ‘Anyway’ me. We need to talk about this.”

“What do we have to talk about? This doesn’t change anything. You’re still going to be trying to clean up the seedy underbelly of Gotham…and I’m still going to be stuck in that seedy underbelly. We can’t stop being who we are and we can’t afford to be each other’s weaknesses.”

Jason nods. “I get that but I want…can’t we just talk a bit longer?”

I take a breath and step back. “What do you want to talk about?”

“Tell me something I don’t know about you. Something I missed after I left you behind to go play hero with Bruce.”

I tuck my hair behind my ears and look at his dirty carpet beneath our feet. “I used to dream of moving away somewhere, having a normal life. Used to dream of living that normal life…with that dumbass boy.”

“Yeah? What happened to that dream? What shattered it?” He moves to try and catch my eyes. “Was it the boy? Or because of Batman?”

I look up, smiling tightly. “It was me, actually. I realized that I’m never gonna make it out of Gotham. It was a nice dream though. It’s still kinda my happy place, where I go to rest my mind when the real world gets too harsh.”

“Tell me about the dream life. Where do we live? What do we do?” he asks quietly.

“A little farm in the middle of nowhere. Upstate somewhere, ya know. Just some chickens and goats roaming around. I’d work at the diner in town and you’d do something with your hands…mechanical stuff, maybe. We would have breakfast every morning on the porch and watch the sunset every night.”

Jason’s eyes get misty. “And what about kids? Are there…kids in the dream?”

I smile softly. “Sometimes. Sometimes it’s just us but sometimes there’s a baby.”

“And we’re…happy? Together on that farm, we’re happy?” he asks, his voice practically a whisper.

“That’s how I know it’s a dream, silly. Gotta be fake if I’m happy.”

“So, you’re saying…” His voice cracks and he clears his throat. “...being happy with me is only possible in your dreams?”

I laugh humorlessly. “You tell me, Jason.”

He runs his hand through his hair. “You know it’s not that simple. We can’t just throw away our responsibilities, our missions. But God, I wish we could.”

I smile sadly and pat his chest. “Exactly. We’re both still here and, well, we aren’t going anywhere…together or otherwise.”

“Dammit. We’re stuck, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” I confirm softly. “But we’re alive. Stay that way for me, Jason. Please.” 

“I can do that…for your…happy place.”

I go to my tiptoes and press my lips to his cheek. “Thank you, my dumbass boy,” I say before pulling open his door and running down the stairs.

[troublesomecousin]

"Dads really do corner the market on shittiness..." He tried not too think too much about the man that waited back home. As far as he knew his step-dad had never cheated, but he almost wished he would sometimes. It would have given him an excuse to convince his mom to leave that miserable man. Kevin couldn't say for sure what his actual father had been like, but he trusted his brother's stories...made him wonder if his so called "issues" could have been genetic.

The tale Violet was weaving left a bad taste in his mouth. He knew that it was more than a little bit possible that she was lying, but he decided to give her the grace of taking her words at face value. Besides, nothing about that seemed implausible. Sad girls often came from sad homes. Or at least, that's what Kevin believed.

"Yours definitely seems like a special case though. S'pose mine wasn't much better, but my mother had enough sense to leave him. I still question her taste in men since the man she married is..." Kevin paused, trying articulate all the small ways the man found ways to be cruel. The ways he made sure Kevin knew he didn't think of him as a real son. The ways he could see Kevin for what he was and made it clear he didn't approve. "Well, he's not a fan of me. That's putting it mildly. I'm here and not at home, and that's due in no small part to his efforts."

Kevin sighed, breathing out some of the unpleasantness and irritation he could feel beginning to weigh him down. Not just for himself but for Violet...this empathy thing he'd been developing over the past couple months was an exhausting practice. Her anger made him angry, and he could feel color rising in his cheeks as he spoke. "Parents are just like that. They always think they have some fix, think they know better than you about what goes on at home as if you don't live there too. Fuck 'em."

He flexed his fingers, the agitation making him antsy as he shifted in his seat. Shoving his hands underneath him, he looked back at Violet. "That kid's gonna need you. The best thing for having crazy parents is to have someone else who gets it. Keeps you from feeling like you're losing your mind...you know, relatively." He nodded toward the other people in the common room as he added the last bit. "I've got someone I should be taking care of like that, but I fucked it up. I'm a shit example."

❝ I don't know, the baby would be born into a shitty family. What's a little nicotine poisoning to a fetus to add to the problem? ❞ Violet took the last drag of her cigarette, making sure to enjoy the flavor while it lasted. She couldn't bum cigarettes off of Kevin forever. She'd have to manage to get her own sooner or later. That or she'd have to go cold turkey and learn to quit smoking altogether. Yeah, she wasn't ready for that just yet, not when that was her only coping mechanism in this place and outside of it? She used the ashtray sitting on the table in front of them to snub the remains of the cigarette out.

She did manage to smile at the idea that she could be her sibling-to-be's favorite person in the world. The younger brother or sister was going to need it when their family inevitably went to shit. Eventually, her parents had to realize that having another kid wasn't going to keep them glued together forever. They were going to have to realize they were being apart than together, and as much as Violet would love to have that picket fence family that stayed together through thick and thin, she wasn't going to delude herself into believing it would happen that way.

The Harmon family was being pulled apart by the seams and they couldn't get a grasp of their threads. Her mom had already threatened divorce multiple times. Violet just wished she'd get it over with and stick to it. Then maybe she could take her new sibling under her wing and teach them that all families were shitty sometimes but at least theirs was trying to make things better, even if it was by doing things apart from each other.

❝ It's not that I really mind having a younger sibling. I just wish my parents weren't using it as a way of trying to figure things out. I love my dad but he's been a piece of shit. ❞ She swallowed hard, wanting to out her dad for the cheating garbage that he had been. Shit, then she'd seen the maid coming onto him, too. She'd kept it from her mom, not wanting to stress her out anymore than she was. Maybe she should have used it as the catalyst to throw divorce papers at him. ❝ The things he's put my mom through. ❞ She was quiet again as she debated letting Kevin in on it. Why not? It was easier to admit that her dad was a cheater than it was that her boyfriend was a mass murderer and a ghost on top of it.

❝ He cheated on my mom when we were still living in Boston. Literally, with one of his students barely older than me. ❞ Her stomach churned just thinking about it. ❝ I wasn't supposed to find out but thin walls and loud arguing, you know? I wonder if he knows that I know at all. I've never told him to his face. My mom should have left him then but they went to therapy and my dad talked his way into trying to make our family better by staying together. Now what? They think a baby is going to make it better? ❞ She scoffed, angry lines harsh on her face as she sunk back into the chair, wishing she could disappear - away from her parents' bullshit, away from Tate, away from Briarcliff, away from life itself.

[chibishortdeath]

Ya know, Castlevania tackled the concept that life after defeating Dracula could be difficult for a Belmont with Richter feeling like he’d lost all purpose and reason to go on living if not for saving others and fighting against something—

But, do you think any of them before him felt that way too?

I mean it sounds kind of miserable, being raised your whole life to be solely relied on for one moment… and then what? How do you handle the sudden shift to ‘not being needed anymore’? Evidently, most of them didn’t have very much happen to them after the events of their games since we don’t get to know—

But, do you think any of them ever got better? Do you think anyone before Richter ever learned how to live for themselves? Did Richter?

Anyway it’s 8 PM and I’m sitting around wondering if any of the Belmonts were still happy after their happy endings (debatable if certain ones got happy endings tbh but anyway), Konami can u check on them, I’m worried—

[hirazuki]

To whoever made the creative decision for Aizen's characterization this season: Congrats, you've achieved the impossible. You've managed to turn me into an Aizen girlie.

[cathrhea]

Okay this ship is a tad tough to propaganda for given that it's not completely headcanon but also not completely canon. Some of this stuff is just kinda inferred because these two don't ever really interact? Catherine just talks about Rhea a lot and Rhea doesn't really talk about or interact with Catherine much. I've shipped with less though!

Let's start with basics. They're both arguably bisexual. Rhea can enter a marriage with either gender of byleth, and Catherine has multiple romantic endings with men while simultaneously being in love with Rhea.

Multiple of Catherine's endings, even when she's married to someone else, have her leaving the church and retiring to Zanado with Rhea. She has one ending where she stays at the church, at that's with Byleth who has avatar privilege. Without Rhea, she pretty much always starts traveling the world. Rhea is the only reason she stays at the church.

In her S support with Byleth that she's a servant of Rhea, not the church. Whether Rhea is alive or not, she admits she's lost. Rhea means the world to her to say the least. This is because when Catherine was a student, her life was saved by Rhea. She was nearly killed by monsters, and Rhea took her "muddied, bloodied body into her arms (Byleth A support, 2019)…" She saved her life again after Rhea took her in once she had to flee Faerghus, thanks to a false regicide accusation. It's pretty clear why Catherine loves Rhea.

Her death quote asks Byleth to save her. She has an advice box where she mentions she's getting used to her absence, and hates it. She's assumes that Rhea doesn't feel nearly as strongly, as shown in her explore dialogue where she sadly says "Lady Rhea's not waiting for me, I know, no matter how much I might wish she were. She's waiting for you (Byleth) (Explore Chapter 21 AM, 2019)." Despite this for better or worse, she's still devoted to her. The only thing she refuses to do for her is die, which I'm not sure if she ever elaborates on. I assume it's because if she did, she couldn't serve her anymore.

Let's talk from Rhea's perspective. Rhea is said to be very lonely despite being surrounded by her followers. She also says she has no friends she can fully trust. Thanks to her past, she keeps everyone at arm's length. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about them. She also says she'd love to have lunch with the students, but is scared of being a bother. She's a lot more socially awkward than she seems.

So to have someone who has so much undying faith in her most likely means a lot. Rhea is probably aware of Catherine's crush, but she may be unaware of how deep it goes. Or she believes that if Catherine knew the truth, she'd abandon her considering that Rhea does have issues with that. It's a shame that the route that truly shows Catherine's loyalty, Crimson Flower, Rhea is beyond the point of really caring about what others think of her.

When Catherine finds out about the Immaculate one, she isn't horrified. She isn't upset. Her only concern is ending her love's suffering. Rhea needs someone who really and truly has her back, who won't judge her, and Catherine does.

Rhea's kindness and patience is something that Catherine needs in a partner. Catherine doesn't seem to think too highly of herself, she just puts her faith in Rhea. Rhea clearly trusts Catherine given that she lets her use a relic, aka one of her dead people, despite that Catherine doesn't really believe in the seiros faith. I feel Rhea does think highly of Catherine, but again she keeps everyone at arm's length. When they retreat to Zanado, Rhea can let her hair down and truly show how much she means to her.

Again much of this is headcanon, but most fe ships are. I think these two have a lot more potential than they're given credit for to have a fluffy relationship. It doesn't have to be toxic or one sided. Rhea clearly appreciates Catherine, it's just how far it goes that is up for debate. I do wish we got to hear more of how Rhea feels about Catherine, but that's what fanon is for. These two are super sweet in my opinion, and if we ever return to Fodlan I hope we can see more interactions between them. Also butch x femme dynamic slaps.

rhea x catherine

FE: Should they kiss?

Rhea x Catherine

[enrapture]

It is what it is and was what it was.

[semiotomatics]

what are the consequences of lying to a psychiatrist asking for a friend

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

i think i finally realized why ive been feeling so damn depressed lately again

sorry for writing this here. im really hurting actually. im not good. i feel a bit helpless too. idk who to talk to bc i dont want to burden anyons and i donf feel like anything could console me right now

Like. fuck me man. thanks for saving me but. why the hell are you not here. i dont want to do this without you. i hate only being able to remember you. i was supposed to grow old with you, not without you.

And. honestly. even with all this bullshit i say here, all the endless times i spend trying to write down my feelings, abt you, about all the pain ive felt my life, it doesnt get better. not at all. and no words, no poetry takes it away and i truly feel like nobody will ever truly understand how suffocated i felt all my life.

and i want to change thanks to you but. i dont know. nothing's satisfying enough.

no matter what, i truly only feel great when im in that daydream like world you created.

and these past days ive been thinking a lot that. i really wouldnt mind dying right now. not at all. because at least i know what happiness feels like. and i want to stay in that state. probably, even in this life your music will bring me happiness, but i want to be trapped in it.

im tired of being so unseen, and even when im seen, im hurting. but i dont know whats hurting. i think im just really tired thats all.

and. ye. i feel brave tbh. i still havent posted my video to instagram, bc im not brave for that. i dont know. and i feel like a hypocrite bc everything is true that i wrote there but at the same time these are my thoughts currently

in a long while i looked up suicide methods again. i feel so hopeful, but im not really sure if really for the future. jm sorry this is probably alarming. i will probably not kill myself but. idk. im not sure actually. i dknt know what to say. i wasnt cut out for this wordly shit.i feel unlovable but even if im loved, i donf want to be. i dont want anything. just let me stsy in this quiet place snd just. disappear. i wouldnt want my family to hurt if i die but i wont know about it anyways. idk man. i feel strongly i could die calmly this time and thats nice. bc 6 years ago i was terrified, and hurt. but now im content and kind of ready idk man. its not a terrible feeling, its a "this is it, it was nice while it lasted" ig.

there are no clouds in my head actually. i truly dont feel like im thinking irrationally, i feel like this would just be like. the end goal i was looking for. to feel true love once. it was nice.

no goodbye yet bc idk how id kms even if i do. But ill tell u guys if i found something.

[odetolovers]

it is absolutely wild the way i’ve allowed people to treat me

[apathyfairy]

me at 13: by the time im 30 i will probably be married and maybe have a kid but for sure i will be living in my dream city and have my dream job. and also a lot of money

me at almost 30: i think i will treat myself to a corn dog this weekend

[thebigqueer]

ughh cuz she said the main reason she broke up w me was cuz she didn’t see this lasting long term and i don’t disagree w her!! i don’t think we’d last forever and i don’t know if i’d want to but also i def saw it lasting at least a few years. not forever bht maybe till we graduated so that’s why i’m sad cuz i guess our ideas of “long term” were very different

[thegirlwholied]

Charmed (1998) rewatch but only seasons 1-3 and then treating the season 4 premiere as an open-ended finale 🤷🏻‍♀️

[skrunksthatwunk]

not my dad not liking moral orel season 3 🤭🤭🤭that's so embarrassing for him (<- he's not wrong for feeling that way but i think it's like 60% because he doesn't like it when art gets weird and that's so so tragic for him)

[keeps-ache]

ggghhg i hate vehiclessssssss ghghghhghhhhh [dies dies dies forever]