#i really think he could be there for bobby as much as bobby is there for him (and i know we've definitely seen this w/the jonah aftermath

[rcmclachlan]

8x06 fix-it fic: Amnion

Buck doesn't bounce back from Tommy the way he did with all his other breakups for reasons he can't articulate or even look at. He thinks of how long it took him to recover from Abby, but even that felt different, because he'd had hope carrying him through most of it. He doesn't have that now.

The worst part is it's bringing everyone else down. It's starting to affect the job, and he can't take any more of Bobby's pity dinner invites or the kid gloves Eddie handles him with. Then one day, Chimney (in an attempt to lighten the mood) asks Buck if he's pregnant, and it awakens some primordial rage in Buck that he never knew he possessed and damn near rips off Chimney's head about it.

But once the blood levels in his adrenaline start rising and he calms down, he starts thinking about it. Before he knows it he's thinking about it day and night, and now that's starting to affect the job more than his heartbreak had been.

Then one night Maddie invites him over to watch trash TV and eat junk food until they can't feel feelings anymore, but instead of the patented Maddie Hug he's expecting, she hands him a First Response test stick the second he walks in the door.

Five minutes later, he comes out of the bathroom pale-faced and dripping tears because there are two lines in the test result window, and Maddie leads him over to the couch where they curl up and cry together. Just like the old days.

Maddie asks if he's going to tell Tommy, but there's no judgment in her voice, like she's behind him no matter what he decides, and Buck tries to make her laugh when he says, "How do you know it's his? I could've been living it up for the last month. New person almost every night. Exploring myself."

She just gives him a Look. Also patented.

Under the weight of her scrutiny, Buck thinks about Tommy's face before he left the loft that night and how ''Buck'' looked and sounded so wrong coming from him. Like the shape of it was so painful he could barely move his mouth around it.

Finally, he shakes his head. His eyes well up with more tears, which feels impossible, because the human body can't possibly produce this much liquid. He's going to drown them both. "I thought... I thought we had a future, Maddie. I really did. I guess I still get one... but only with part of him."

A couple of months pass and Buck's entire world shifts. The 118 have rallied around him in a way that almost feels like they're closing ranks to every other firehouse. Eddie becomes especially protective and devises a 5000-point care plan that makes him twitch if Buck so much as thinks about deviating from it, but he also keeps telling Buck that he needs to tell Tommy about the pregnancy.

"If only to get his family history," Eddie says reasonably, but there's something pleading in his voice every time, like there's so much more under the surface that he's trying to keep under wraps. Like there's more about this that he thinks Tommy should know.

Chimney's in the middle of explaining why he's stealing the cool uncle crown from Buck and sitting pretty on the throne when Buck asks him about it.

"Is there something about Tommy that no one's telling me?"

It trips Chimney up. Literally. He just barely catches himself from going headfirst into the kitchen counter.

Buck's heart starts pounding. "Chim, does he know?"

"No," Chimney says, firm and almost a little offended. "We promised you we wouldn't say anything. But Buck... you should tell him. You should talk to him."

Part of him wants to whip his phone out right then and there and dial Tommy's number. He could do what he did the first time: ask to meet somewhere and laugh about bad coffee and plead his case for a second chance. He could reach across the table for his hand, but this time, he'd stand up and walk over to Tommy and place it on his belly. "I don't care about firsts or lasts," he'd say. "I care about only's. And you're the only one I want."

But the other part of him, still licking its wounds, hormones in flux and forcing organs to shift and bend as it makes room for the thing he and Tommy made together, bares its teeth and snaps, "He made it very clear that he had no interest in hearing what I had to say."

Chimney never brings it up again.

Meanwhile, Hen goes a little overboard with forcing him to undergo random physicals—she pops out of the shadows twice a day to ambush him with the blood pressure machine, and he keeps threatening to avoid rooms that have doors—but he loves it. His body is a complete stranger to him for the first time in a long time, but the changes he's experiencing are interesting and he's having a blast cataloging every new one. He and Hen have a spreadsheet with like fifty tabs, and she helps him navigate every test his actual OBGYN sets him up for.

He's over her house at least once a week, although pregnancy talk at the dinner table is verboten.

"If one of you says the word 'amniocentesis' one more time, I will start a food fight," Karen had said, finally putting her foot down. Across the table, Denny perked up.

As much as he hesitates to even think the Q-word, it's a pretty quiet pregnancy. The cravings are kind of wild, though, and he goes most of his first trimester feeling like he's going to die if he can't eat rice krispie treats with cottage cheese. Every time Bobby sees him cracking open another container of Hood, it looks like he's seriously reconsidering sobriety.

But as incredible as they are about the pregnancy, they're all tiptoeing around the other elephant in the room: when Buck is going to stop working scenes. He and Bobby have a series of discussions that satisfies neither of them and resolves nothing, and it builds to a big blow-out that ends when Bobby tearfully begs Buck to stop risking his own life and the life of Bobby's grandkid.

After that, it's like some stone thing in him dissolves into sand and he finally eases back a bit in his fifth month. He doesn't put up a fight when Bobby orders him to only handle the winch or stick with hose duty, and if he stays a little closer to the engine because he gets winded so easily these days, no one comments on it.

In his sixth month, the inevitable happens: there's a call out at Palos Verdes and it's all hands on deck, which means the 217 is there too. At first he thinks he might make it through without running into Tommy at all, but he turns a corner and—there he is. Smudged with mud and looking like a drowned rat because of the downpours, but in his turnouts he's big and capable and, for a second, he's walking into First Presbyterian and apologizing for missing the ceremony.

But the memory is easily wrestled back into the past the second Tommy's gaze fixes on Buck's belly.

Buck wants to stage a retreat that would make the Allies at Dunkirk stand up and applaud. He wants to throw his arms open so Tommy can get a better look at it, say something cool and mean, like, "Did you know that INNOTEX makes turnouts for carriers these days? Pretty progressive of them, if you ask me."

He wants to be weak and ask if Tommy will spare him a hug. Just one. Nothing greedy. Just—a moment to soak in his warmth, to inhale the smell of his skin. Enough to carry him through the rest of it.

But he does none of that. He inhales through his nose, lifts his chin, and says, "Firefighter Kinard."

At that, Tommy smiles, and it's completely awful. There's no joy in it. Not even amusement. He looks like he wants to be sick, and Buck feels like a monster.

But Tommy swallows and says, earnest as anything, "Congratulations. I-I knew you'd find it. I never doubted for a second that you'd find the person who'd be your last."

Even as he says it, Tommy's face does something indescribable, but it rips through Buck's chest and shatters his ribs, tearing through pericardial layers until it scores the vulnerable muscle of his heart. It's so shocking that it almost knocks the truth right out of Buck's mouth.

Someone comes over the radio and requests all available first responders with flight experience to report to the B-zone, and Tommy straightens up and locks whatever it was away.

With an unsteady hand, he tips an invisible hat to Buck and says wryly, "Firefighter Buckley," before jogging away.

And Buck stands there like an idiot watching him go. It's that night all over again. It's Buck instead of Evan.

"See you around," he whispers, and then runs back to his post in the A-zone.

+

Tommy gets the call when he's halfway through a burrito foisted upon him by Dana, who had taken one look at him and said, "You look like a flood victim. Eat something before I get HR involved."

He'd taken a mutinous bite and couldn't argue with her. Months later and it still felt like he'd watched everything he loved wash away with a tide he couldn't fight. Except he'd sent the tide himself. He had no business feeling like this.

But they send him to the site of a car accident where a pregnant driver had been T-boned by some asshole who ran the red light, and the RA unit called to the scene didn't have the right equipment to assess the fetus. But the victim's belly was hard enough to warrant a med evac.

By the time Dana gets the victim loaded on the backboard and inside, Tommy's already on with both First Presbyterian and LA General to see whose neonatal surgery team is available.

The door on Tommy's side slides open and Tommy turns in his seat to ask what the hell Dana's doing over there, but it's Hen who's pulling herself inside.

His stomach clenches with dread. "Hen?"

"I'm riding with you," she shouts, taking the headset that Dana gives her.

He looks just beyond her and wishes he'd had the presence of mind to listen to the manifest when Dana had read it aloud to him, because Evan Buckley is strapped to the gurney and looks like he's on a completely different planet.

"Hen." Tommy can't hear him say her name, but he sees Evan's mouth shape the word. Evan reaches clumsily out for her with one hand while pressing the other to his belly.

Hen murmurs something to him that the comms can't pick up, and Tommy wonders if they've notified Maddie, if they've notified the father, whoever they are. If they're already at the hospital waiting for them. If Tommy will have to see them, talk to them face to face.

Tommy bites the inside of his cheek until he feels the hot wash of blood over his tongue, then forces everything down to join the burrito from earlier that really wants to make a reappearance. It isn't his right to know any of it. That went out with the tide, too.

He locks it down tight enough that he gets them into the air so easily they might be a feather on the wind, then he heads in the direction of First Presbyterian. The real start of it all.

They're maybe halfway across the city when Evan shouts, desperation and fear carrying his voice over the rotors, the words sliding together, "Hen, check Nora! Y-Y'need to ch—"

"Nora's fine, Buck," Hen says, her voice clear as a bell in Tommy's ear.

Staring at a skyline he can't see, Tommy says, "'Nora'? Was someone else in the car with him?"

When Hen comes over the comm, her voice is as inescapable as a flood. "Nora's what he decided on for the baby. It's her name."

Tommy's hand tightens on the cyclic so the way it starts shaking won't be so obvious. "Nora was my grandmother's name."

He'd told Buck about the woman who was basically the only family he could stand, who was responsible for not letting him become his piece of shit father, who accepted him when no one else would. She'd meant the world to him. She'd been the world to him. And for Evan to give his kid her name—

Realization hits like a levy breaking, and he turns to look wide-eyed over his shoulder at Hen, because it can't—he couldn't be—

"Patient, male, 33, prenatal course complicated at 8 months gestation," Dispatch had said.

The timeline is right.

Hen stares right back, as good of a confirmation that he could get outside of a DNA test.

Without breaking her gaze, Tommy tells Dana to take over. She gives him an unreadable look but says nothing except, "Copy that," and smoothly resumes their journey while he squeezes into the back. There's hardly any room next to the gurney and his knees are compressing his lungs, but he takes Evan's' hand and stares blankly at the shiner forming around his right eye until Hen breaks the silence.

Why didn't you tell me, he wants to demand, but he knows that if he so much as opens his mouth, he's going to start screaming until someone sedates him.

"For the record," she says, "I hate what you did. I hate what you took from him. But I understand why you did it."

Tommy rolls his lips inward and wants to suffocate himself to death. She understands? Does she? Does she know a life can be obliterated in the span of a minute? Does she know what it is to live a half life, to walk through the world like a five-year old drew a scribble on a blank sheet of paper that was supposed to be a person?

Does she know what Evan looks like when his joy is sucked away? Because Tommy does. She hates what he did? No one hates what he did more than him. No one hates him more than him.

Shakily, he lifts his other hand and touches the tips of his fingers to Evan's birthmark, which used to know the touch of his lips so well that Evan would joke that it was actually in the shape of Tommy's mouth print. Like a brand.

He forces himself to inhale. It seems impossible that Evan's here, carrying their child, their Nora. Evan used to say the lightning strike gave him super powers, made him invincible, and Tommy's ashamed to admit that he almost believed him. It seemed like nothing could ever bring Evan Buckley down, but here he is in Tommy's sky, halfway to Heaven already.

He glances at the LifePAK—where Evan's life has been concentrated into a series of lines and numbers, the reading strong despite everything—and then looks back at Evan, who is still the most beautiful man Tommy has ever seen even now.

"Evan," he chokes out.

There's no answer. At least not from Evan.

Across from him, Hen breathes through her nose and then quietly says, "I'm only going to say this once, Tommy, so I hope you're listening. If you can't trust him to know what his own heart wants, then this flight will never have happened. When he wakes up, you will not have been here. I'll change the manifest myself."

Tommy closes his eyes. Something hot spills down his cheeks.

"I know things haven't been all sunshine and roses for you. Lucy's said you've basically shut down since it ended. I know you're hurting just as much as Buck is... which is why I'm telling you: be sure. He's going to have enough on his plate without worrying about whether or not you're going to swan out of his life again. You need to be sure, Tommy."

Tommy doesn't say anything, but he opens his eyes and holds her gaze without flinching, and he tightens his hold on Evan's hand.

The rest of the flight passes in the kind of silence that feels like a cyst was lanced. Or maybe a boil, as it were.

+

Buck wakes up in stages to find he's in a hospital bed, and when he puts a hand on his belly it's smaller and almost deflated beneath his palm. He is just starting to hyperventilate when suddenly Tommy's there, murmuring to him, "You're okay. Everything's okay, I promise, she's fine. She's fine. Look."

And Buck, heart racing, forces himself to breathe slowly while he follows Tommy's gaze down to the bundle in Tommy's arms. Then he stops breathing altogether.

"She's fine," Tommy says. "A little early, according to the doctor, but absolutely fine."

Buck collapses back to the bed and weeps in relief, because she's fine. She's here and she's fine and she's perfect. Tommy gently places her in Buck's arms before retreating to the chair next to the bed which has a dent in the vinyl in the shape of his ass.

But Buck is enraptured with Nora, who smacks her lips in her sleep, and he marvels aloud, "She has my mouth."

"Thank God for that," Tommy says with a laugh. "It'll help take the focus off my nose. Poor kid."

It hits Buck like lightning that Tommy is here. He's in this room and talking about Nora like—like he knows. And there are things Buck should probably be saying, like apologizing for not telling Tommy about her as soon as he found out, or asking why he's there at all, but the words are crowding in his mouth and he can't figure out which ones should go first.

Tommy's lips twitch in a smile that is awful to look at, like he completely understand Buck's struggle, but his voice is soft and even when he says, "I need you to know that it wasn't about you. Not you personally. It never was."

Buck stops trying to speak and just stares at him, because that is bullshit, and oh, he knows which words should come first, and he opens his mouth to release them into the wild but Tommy holds up a hand.

"I know," he says. "I was a coward and an asshole, and I'm more sorry than I can possibly say. I won't ever be able to make up for what I did. But I need you to know why I did it."

And, in fits and starts before he finally finds the thread, Tommy tells him about Jeremy.

After Tommy ended things with Abby and then finally came out, he dated around for a long time before he met Jeremy, who was brilliant and fun and new. Tommy was the first man Jeremy had ever been with, and Jeremy was the first person Tommy saw a future with. He'd been so sure about Jeremy. He'd believed that Jeremy was it.

Until, almost two years in, Jeremy ended it. He'd sat Tommy down and said kindly, cruelly, "You're amazing, Tom, but you're just the first. You can't be my last." And then he'd left Tommy completely shattered in the rearview.

"That night, when you asked me to move in... it was like I was watching him put on his coat all over again," Tommy says shakily. "But what I felt for you was lightyears beyond anything I felt for him. I'd fallen so hard for you that I knew if I had to watch you walk away I'd never get up again."

Buck stares at Tommy, eyes rimmed red, and says, "So instead you made me watch you walk away."

It must land like a fist because Tommy exhales sharply and hangs his head, bowing around the pain. He sits like that for a moment, absorbing it, before he lifts his head and nods. "Yeah. That's exactly what I did."

There are deep, dark circles under Tommy's eyes that speak of a hundred sleepless nights, and his body is sharper, leaner, trimmed entirely of anything soft. He's made entirely of angles. He's so unfairly hot. He's miserable to look at.

Buck swallows and murmurs, "You look like there's no love in your life, Tommy."

Sucking in a trembling breath, Tommy smiles weakly and sketches a shrug. It looks like the fatigued steel of his edges are starting to crack.

"I left all my love with you that night." His gaze darts down. "Among other things."

Buck looks down at Nora, who's sleeping the sleep of someone already exhausted by existence, or maybe just by her fathers' drama, and thinks that maybe he really has been carrying all his love plus Tommy's around. Because otherwise he has no idea how he's so full of it.

"She's absolutely perfect," Buck says, smiling dopily.

"She's... more than anything I could've ever dreamed of."

He looks up in time to see Tommy drop his gaze to the floor at the same time his shoulders lift and lock like they're bracing for a blow. And in a voice so thin it's barely a sound, Tommy says, "I know I don't have... any right to ask, but is there any... any chance I could be part of her life?"

The tears that have been languishing at the edges of Buck's eyes finally see an opportunity. He doesn't think he could've held them back any longer if he tried.

Mouth trembling, he whispers, "Just hers?"

At that, Tommy looks up, eyes wide, disbelief and hope chasing each other across his face like dogs. He jerks a little in his chair but he doesn't move. He doesn't move.

Buck stares at him, a tsunami pulling everything back from his shoreline, and bites out, "Thomas James Kinard, if you don't get over here and kiss me, I swear to Christ—"

But Tommy's out of the chair and at his bedside, cupping Buck's face and tenderly smearing a kiss over his open mouth, licking the relieved gasp right off Buck's tongue.

Between them, Nora makes a tiny noise, and Tommy startles away just enough that he can press the side of his head to Buck's and gaze down at her with a tremulous smile.

"She really is something, huh? Sorry about the nose, kiddo," he says softly.

Buck knocks their heads together and says, "I happen to love that nose, thanks. And like you said, my lips will help balance it out."

Huffing a laugh, Tommy kisses Buck's lips. And the side of his nose and the bolt of his jaw. Then he leans down and presses a kiss to Nora's little pink and blue hat.

"I'm sure if you are," Tommy murmurs, tilting his chin up so he can flash a brave smile up at Buck, who smiles back.

"I was always sure."

[fallstaticexit]

Prev / Next / Beginning

TW: Self Harm Mentioned/Implied

AN: next update our ladies will have a proper reunion but first tree farm tree farm! (Even though only the poor kids- and Bob- are the only ones super excited about it)

Transcript under the cut

Nancy Narrates: [All those years I’ve spent yearning, wanting, my whole self calling for her—and now she’s here]

Nancy Narrates: [This isn’t a dream. She’s here. I can feel the warmth in her cheek]

Nancy: I- I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to- I don’t know why I did that. I shouldn’t have-

Vanessa: [laughs] It’s ok, Nancy! It’s good to see you too.

Vanessa: Wow, look at you. You’re all grown up, aren’t you?

Nancy: I- I-

Vanessa: Still filled to the brim with tears too.

Nancy: [softly] Sorry. I thought.. I thought I’d never see you again.

Vanessa: 16 years is a long time. I was worried you would have forgotten all about me.

Nancy: I could never forget you.

Vanessa: I’ve come all this way to see you.

Nancy: Have you really?

Vanessa: I know it’s been years, but I was hoping we could reconnect. I’m staying at the Fyres Hotel. Maybe we could have dinner there tonight. Catch up?

Nancy Narrates: [I had to physically restrain myself from saying yes. I realized, after all these years, I still would have followed her anywhere...but it can’t be this way. Not anymore..]

Nancy: [exhales] I can’t. I’m sorry. I had plans.

Vanessa: Ah! Well. I did pop in last minute. Maybe some other-

Nancy: You could come with me! I mean, If you like? We’re supposed to get a Christmas tree for the house; trying to set new traditions and what not.

Nancy: It’s silly but it’s important to them- my sons. I have two boys, by the way. I have to do this for them but- you’re here and I don’t know if I can see you leave again. God, am I rambling too much?

Vanessa: You want me to go tree shopping with you and your children?

Nancy: [blushes] Will you?

Vanessa: Lead the way.

-

Malcolm: What’s taking that lady so long!

Jonathan: Should we try and call mom again?

Geoffrey: [hums noncommittally]

Malcolm: He’s not even listening!

Bob: Hellooo? Earth to Geoffrey?

Bob: Iggy say, ‘what’s eatin’ ya, Uncle G?’

Iggy: [coos]

Geoffrey: Heh, sorry! Sorry. I guess I got alot on my mind right now.

Eliza: Is everything ok?

Geoffrey: Oh, yeah! Yeah, yeah- well...I guess I’m thinking about Nance?

Eliza: What’s wrong with Nancy?

Geoffrey: I’ve been thinking about what happened on our anniversary trip.

Bob: Yeah? What was it?

Malcolm: Mommy’s here!! Mommy’s here!!

Malcolm: Er, who’s that with my mommy?

Bob: Well, I’ll be damned! Talk about a throwback!

Eliza: [whistles] Oh, wow! Who is that? Is she a model?: Well, I’ll be damned! Talk about a throwback!

Geoffrey: Vanessa Villareal?

Nancy: These are my sons, Jonathan and Malcolm.

Vanessa: Oh! Oh, Nancy, they are beautiful.

Malcolm: Who are you, lady!

Nancy: Don’t be rude, darling. Vanessa is- was- she’s my..

Vanessa: I’m your mother’s best friend.

Jonathan: I’m Jonathan, but call me Johnny. This loud mouth is Malcolm.

Vanessa: Johnny it is. You must get those cool, blue eyes from your mom’s brother.

Jonathan: You knew my Uncle Nathan?

Vanessa: No, but I saw a picture once, a long time ago.

Vanessa: [turns to Malcolm] And you look just like your mother.

Malcolm: Are you a movie star too?

Vanessa: [chuckles] No, I’m not a movie star.

Malcolm: Then who are you lady?

Vanessa: I’m your Auntie V. You can call me that, if you like.

Malcolm: Aunt V, are you gonna pick out a tree with us?

Vanessa: You bet. You should know, I have a keen eye.

Nancy: Sorry I’m late..

Geoffrey: Better late than never. I see you had an eventful day.

Malcolm: No more talking! Let’s go already!

Jonathan: I want to find our tree with mom!

Malcolm: Well I’m taking daddy!

Bob: Alright! Long time no see, VV! Man, it’s been a while, huh?

Vanessa: Just V is fine. Billy, right?

Bob: [sighs] It’s Bobby. This is my wife, Eliza and this cool guy is Iggy.

Vanessa: [sheepishly] Right. Nice to meet you. Wasn’t there another one of you?

Bob: [chuckles] Cassie. We still keep in touch. She’s a travel blogger now. And I’m sure you remember ol’ Geoffrey here.

Geoffrey: Good seeing you, Vanessa.

Vanessa: Likewise.

Bob: Heck yeah! Let the festivities begin!

-

Jonathan: This one! This is the perfect tree, right, Mom?

Nancy: Mhm. Yes, that’s nice- I’ll be right back.

Jonathan: Oh..

Bob: Alright, what’s going on? You can tell me, it’s just us guys now, and Iggy here is great at keeping secrets.

Geoffrey: Nance was so sad on our trip, sadder than usual. I haven’t seen her so low since- well, since Vanessa left. And she kept apologizing to me.

Bob: You’ve mentioned before she gets in a mood sometimes, right?

Geoffrey: Well, yeah... that’s not all. I saw these bruises on the inside of her thigh.

Bob: [eyes widen] You think she’s hurting herself?

Geoffrey: Is that it, you think? At first I thought they were- you know, hickies?

Bob: Whoa. Hickies? On Nancy?

Geoffrey: [snorts] That’s crazy, right?

Bob: You should talk to her. If she is harming herself, you should get her help, bud.

Geoffrey: And if it’s not that...

Bob: Then, that’s another kind of conversation. But this is Nancy we’re talking about. You two have been bit by the love bug since high school. I can’t imagine her having an affair with some other guy.

-

Nancy: Hi.

Vanessa: Hi.

Nancy: Sorry if I’m being...odd. I guess, I’m still getting used to seeing you.

Vanessa: I don’t think you’re being odd. I think you’re being you.

Nancy: Is that a bad thing?

Vanessa: [giggles] No, not at all. You haven’t changed and it’s refreshing.

Nancy: Ah. Well. You haven’t either. I mean..you still feel like my Vanessa.

Nancy Narrates: [All those questions I craved answers for came rushing back to me the more I looked at her. Was my loving her just a girlish memory of our past? Did she ever hear my voicemail? Was it worth mentioning after almost 2 decades apart? After I’ve already married and had children? After I’ve sworn to dedicate my all to them-]

Vanessa: So, about that dinner. Are you free tonight?

[madlori]

Sometimes the delulu IS the solulu.

After some thought, and reading a lot of really insightful thoughts here and on Discord, I think I've reached a conclusion.

I'm going full tinhat. Not in an unhinged way, though.

I don't think this is the end.

I'm not going to count on it. I'm barely going to hope for it. But I am going to...keep an eye out for it.

The one common refrain we've heard from each other is that this did not feel like a permanent breakup. It felt so obviously and blatantly like a setup for Buck to fight for the relationship. It was that "one partner freaks out a bit and the other has to show their commitment" relationship hurdle which is so common it's a trope. In fact, most of us assumed that's just what it was...until those interviews

Now, I do not put Tim Minear up on some kind of pedestal of writerly greatness - far from it. And he did not write this episode, but the plotlines all go through him.

BUT.

He has always been very attached to Tommy as a character and to this relationship. He loves it. He loved red string theory so much that he wrote it into this episode. And I'm about halfway convinced he's in love with Lou but that's beside the point. (I mean, we get it, Tim.)

Tommy's what he always said he wanted to get for Buck. Firefighter, integrated into the 118, yadda yadda, we've been over this a lot. Someone he chooses, someone he works to build something with. Someone who shows up for him. He had Buck SAY in this episode that he'd never felt like this since Abby.

The thread of Tommy wanting a found family like Buck's. The intense settled/caregiving vibe of 8x05. It all felt so...purposeful. And yes, I agree that this could have been done just to punch up the angst for Buck when it ends. But that's not the only explanation.

The many, many comments of wanting to move Buck along in his personal life. Oliver wanting to do settled, domestic storylines with him. Giving Tommy the big hero romcom entrance in that hospital.

And what now? Cycle Buck through another love interest? It's hard to imagine recapturing what he had with Tommy with anybody else, or for the GA to embrace it as much as they did. What little we can see of the GA reaction (because the official socials are weirdly quiet and have not posted) is that they're not happy about this. Tim knows this.

I can buy Tim making some dumb writing decisions but he's not stupid. I find it very hard to swallow that he'd voluntarily toss away all this, and this potential, and what they'd already established, and a pairing/character/actor he loves, for what? For nothing.

So I think that it's not for nothing.

I think the plan IS to reunite them...

...they just don't know when, or how.

For some reason he wants to give it a break for awhile. I don't know why. There could be off-camera reasons. But I think it happened recently. Two weeks ago we got interviews talking about hurdles being overcome, relationships deepening, etc etc. It's a great episode for them, came out of Oliver's mouth. Not important, not consequential - great. And hey, what happened to that very important Bobby conversation where he gave Buck important advice? It wasn't there.

I think a change was made in the last two weeks. And yes, I know the loft stills were dated 9/17.

Two weeks is plenty of time to reshoot one scene, between when those interviews came out and last night. The stills could be from the first time it was shot, in September. Put the guys in the same wardrobe, we'd never know the difference, or that those stills weren't from the scene we actually saw.

OR

The scene was always the one we saw, but was always meant to be temporary, and the change was in how they talked about it in the interviews from last night. That is a simpler explanation, as it doesn't involve reshoots, but it doesn't explain those very incongruous interviews we got two weeks ago that do not match the scene we saw. Now, they have always vagued it up, and talked around things in interviews, but this was an entirely new level of misdirection and outright lying that isn't typical.

I'm really tinhatting it up now, but hey, what have I got to lose? I'm not investing anything in this. It's just...a thought.

If you think the network interfered (I don't, at least not for plot-related reasons, see below) or Oliver demanded the relationship be cut (I don't - I know lots of you are mad at him but I'm not), whatever it was...I just get a vibe. It could be as simple as money. It could be a ratings thing. Honestly? It could be that they've found out they're getting cancelled, and were ordered to cut bait on guest stars. They could be kicking the can down the road to goose ratings for spring when they do bring it back. There are lots of reasons I can think of and probably more that I can't.

I read a thoughtful and reasonable post about how it was more or less a mercy killing to post those interviews - most showrunners like to keep viewers guessing and coming back, so for them to say definitely BT was dead meant it's really, really dead (although how definitive they actually were is another question).

They might be right about that. I don't know.

Or they just might not know themselves. Even if the plan IS to reunite them eventually - if they don't have a plan for how or when, the safest course is to shut it down. No guarantees they can make it work, so play it safe. Oliver and Lou might not be looped in on this.

It's pretty thin. They probably would be, although we have ample evidence of actors not knowing stuff until the last minute. The other option is that they are looped in and are intentionally lying but I think that's very unlikely - although Lou has demonstrated a keen skill in keeping his mouth shut when necessary.

I'm not going to get nuts about this and neither should anybody else. I'm not going to be scouring socials or the internet looking for support or clues. I'm not going to be holding my breath waiting for a sign.

The only thing I'll keep an eye on is how they handle any flirtation or dating Buck does in the near future. How they handle it might be telling.

This is ALL very unlikely, let's be real.

I'm still tinhatting, though. Why not? What have we got to lose?

But if I'm right, I expect that red dodgeball in my inbox toot sweet.

(And Buddie still isn't going canon, btw.)

[loulovingho]

I feel like the showrunners have really screwed themselves if they decide to give Buck another love interest down the line. Because honestly? Tommy was Buck's perfect match. He cared for him, but he didn't coddle him. Like with the curse, he was willing to go along with him to support him, but he also wasn't afraid to laugh at his ridiculousness. He ALWAYS put him first (rushing to Chimney's wedding straight after fighting a fire all night because he had promised). He listened to him, even when Buck was rambling in the night and Tommy was dead tired. He complimented him, and not just in an overly sexualising way (vision in a cone), although he also wasn't afraid to tell Buck that he was hot. And Buck was comfortable with him - I don't think we've ever seen him unafraid to be all pouty and bratty with any other love interest like we saw in 8x05. And we saw Buck GENUINELY happy.

And while Tommy was perfect for Buck, he wasn't perfect himself - he had flaws and regrets, which he talked about (another thing for their relationship - they communicated... up until the last ep that is, where apparently not being long term never popped up in the six months they were together). And on top of all that, Tommy was a fire-fighter - he understood the risks of the job, the scheduling, the commitment. Furthermore, he was former 118 and had ties with Chim, Hen and Bobby and became friends with Eddie before the two got together - he was integrated seamlessly into Buck's found family in a way no other love interest has been able to achieve.

So yeah, the only way the showrunners could beat Tommy would be to make any future love interest absolutely perfect... and that is just not interesting at all. Or they would have to make a carbon copy of Tommy and its like, but you already had Tommy RIGHT THERE. That, or they do the whole bring have Buck fumble around the dating scene (again) until they know the series is ending and bring Tommy back just so that they can finish the series with Buck not being alone but we as fans want to actually SEE their relationship develop, see Buck actually be happy, not have it thrust upon us in the final hours as a consolation prize. Sigh, so much for "off the hamster wheel".

They made tommy stand out and be special even by calling buck Evan. That should’ve been reserved for a forever love. Not one where we don’t ever find out how that came to be or why it was meaningful.

[charles-leclerc-official]

Formula 1 Drivers as Supernatural Episodes

I have selected 2 episodes from the CW's hit show Supernatural for each driver in the 2024 F1 season. Enjoy!

These are episodes I feel fits a driver's personality/vibe/style/history and are meant to be complimentary. This is very vibes based XD

Presented in team order <3 (also I guess spn spoilers warning)

Charles Leclerc: Lazarus Rising x The Man Who Would Be King

Charles and the angel Castiel have a lot in common. Charles is seen as this figure that is leading Ferrari currently and into the future and his first season in Ferrari was iconic (Lazarus Rising) Dare I say some of his drives have been as insane as pulling a man out of hell. However it's been a bumpy road and the burdens of one of the most iconic teams is enough to try the patience of any man (The Man Who Would Be King) There are a lot of faith and religious parallels to be made here. If there was one driver insane enough to try to single-handedly fix heaven (Ferrari) Charles is that driver. Also you could cast him as Cas and I don't think anyone would complain. I could go on about the Charles-Cas parallels but we do have to get to the rest of the grid, so he gets two stand-out Castiel episodes.

Carlos Sainz: Trial and Error x The Devil You Know

Carlos sometimes smashes through plans like a hammer, sometimes you need schemes other times you need to throw them out the window and start punching (The Devil You Know). He's also been through the Ferrari trials which is no small feat, often requiring a lot of pressure and sacrifice (Trial and Error). I also feel like he could wrestle a hellhound and come out winning.

Lewis Hamilton: Swan Song x First Born

I felt that one of the most iconic final battles in Supernatural of Swan Song was fitting to encapsulate Lewis' many hard fought WDCs. In addition to First Born, where Dean goes to take the mantle of the mark of Cain from a man who keeps bees in his retirement (Lewis taking WDC from Seb parallels) Both massive turning points in the show and iconic, like Lewis. A lot of small plot and emotional beats in these two that really touch on some career moments.

George Russell: Defending Your Life x Girls Girls Girls

If there was any driver on the grid who would enter into a legal battle against an ancient god and win it's George Russell (Defending Your Life). Additionally George is one of the few who could pull off witchcraft with ease while looking iconic doing so (Girls, Girls, Girls) I just think George and Rowena would get along and get up to some trouble with the book of the damned.

Max Verstappen: The Executioner’s Song x In The Beginning

The parallels of young talent coming in to take down the former bearer of the mark of Cain to Max's 2021 WDC are strong. It was hard, it was messy, and it was one hell of a fight (The Executioner’s Song). Then we have more emotional nuance (In The Beginning) a guy who just likes cars and is kind of old school about them too. These episodes are nuanced and plot centric and that felt fitting. The vibes are here you have to trust me on this.

Sergio Perez: Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven x Criss Angel is a Douchebag

Do not underestimate Checo, much like you should not underestimate an arch angel that is related to you, and yet. The parallels between Adam, the third Winchester brother, and Checo are not lost, especially in meta context (Our Father, Who Aren’t in Heaven). Then of course Checo does have a flair and charm about him, he can pull a trick or two out of a car when people least expect (Criss Angel is a Douchebag).

Fernando Alonso: Good God Y’all x Weekend at Bobby’s

Fernando is chaos, he's here to cause unapologetic trouble, if he were to be a horseman of the apocalypse he'd be War and he'd have a hell of a time (Good God Y'all). Of course if there was one driver on the grid I know could figure out how to get his soul back from a demon after selling his soul in the first place Fernando would be that driver (Weekend at Bobby's) Naturally there are many Nando and Bobby parallels.

Lance Stroll: Scoobynatural x Hibbing 911

Of all the drivers on the grid at risk of getting sucked into a children’s cartoon I feel like Lance is at the top of the list (Scoobynatural). In addition I think he would be the chill hunter just casually explaining that ghosts are real to Scooby and the gang. Lance would also reluctantly become a vampire hunter if they invaded his small community (Hibbing 911) And he very much reminds me of both Donna and Jody in various ways.

Oscar Piastri: About a Boy x Jack in the Box

I feel like Oscar would be a good witch hunter, I also think if he was hit with a de-aging spell he'd be able to handle it and not panic and figure out how to get out of that situation, worry about the soul crushing curse later (About a Boy). And of course with the way his second season in F1 has been going it very much feels like Mclaren have been holding back a young driver from reaching his potential because they are afraid of his capabilities, you could say they have been putting a nephilim in a box designed to hold back his power (Jack in the Box). Also I cannot be the only one who sees the Jack and Oscar resemblance.

Lando Norris: Swap Meet x I Know What You Did Last Summer

Tell me Lando would not somehow end up practicing black magic accidentally on purpose and somehow survive (Swap Meet). That and I think he would also really like this episode in general. I feel like the duality between Ruby and Anna presented in I know What You Did Last Summer captures a very specific vibe about Lando, is he the demon trying to trick a guy into drinking his blood? Or is he the angel that decided to become human because he was done with heaven's shit? Depends on the day honestly.

Kevin Magnussen: Rock Never Dies x Survival of the Fittest

If there was any driver on the grid that would make crashing the Impala part of the plan to take down eldritch monsters it would be Kmag (Survival of the Fittest). Rock Never Dies just fits Kevin, iconic, villainous, Lucifer comes back a second time and is ready to cause chaos. The whole vibe of this episode is insane and it fits Kevin's particular brand of heart and unique driving. He's loud, you are not going to forget he's there, you should be afraid.

Nico Hulkenberg: Shut Up Dr Phil x My Heart Will Go On

Nico just has the look of a man who would time travel to get rid of a single Celine Dion song (My Heart Will Go On). He does have a lot in common with Balthazar, fun loving but powerful and can execute a plan, he might just end up adding his own flair to it. And I think Nico's spats with others are not frequent, but when they do happen they are memorable (Shut Up Dr Phil) Plus he reminds me of these old witches who have been married a few centuries and keep the chaos alive.

Ollie Bearman: The Girl with the Dungeon and Dragons Tattoo x Reading is Fundamental

Including Ollie in the Haas section since he's raced for them the most this year on the F1 grid. But his story starts as the young talent called at the last minute to solve a huge problem, driving a Ferrari in Jeddah with an hour of practice. I'd say that's similar to being suddenly asked to single-handedly go against some of the most dangerous monsters in the world with no training in monster fighting (The Girl with the Dungeon and Dragons Tattoo) but also being surprisingly good at it. Then we have another team needing young talent to step up and drive their car when things were down, you could say Ollie is in advanced placement in terms of being an F1 rookie now (Reading is Fundamental) I think the Ollie Kevin Tran comparisons are strong. Overall these two episodes of young talent needed at the last minute to save the day really sum up Ollie's 2024 F1 experience.

Yuki Tsunoda: The Gamblers x A Little Slice of Kevin

Sometimes luck is on Yuki's side, and often times it feels like it's not. But then again he's been fighting and sticking around longer than most other drivers in the face of more bad luck than one man should deal with, so perhaps he's won against an old roman god for a bit of luck, who's to say (The Gamblers). Then we get to the duality in A Little Slice of Kevin, young talent being used as a pawn in the larger scheme of Red Bull, more likely than you'd think. Is he escaping purgatory or being captured by demons? Probably both.

Daniel Ricciardo: Frontierland x Blood Brother

I know one thing about Danny, he would time travel back to the wild west to hunt down a rare monster no questions asked. He would bring his own cowboy hat as well (Frontierland). Danny also has that quality of guy who doesn't ask for much, so when he asks for a favor you gotta help. He also does have similar vibes to Benny, don't tell me he wouldn't make a great southern vampire (Blood Brother).

Liam Lawson: War of the Worlds x Bad Day at Black Rock

Similar to Yuki, Liam's luck is a tricky thing. He was in a will he won't he situation at Red Bull for so long. If he had a rabbit's foot he kept losing and picking up again I wouldn't be surprised (Bad Day at Black Rock). I think the episode really captures that kind of swinging pendulum of luck his junior career has seen. Then of course now he's been called to the seat he's caught up in a pretty intense battle at the end of the season, with a lot of demands being made on top of the constant turmoil within the team. Imagine Lucifer is telling you not to do a spell another powerful arch angel is commanding you to do, I feel like that about sums up how he's been thrown into F1 (War of the Worlds).

Alex Albon: Heart x It’s A Terrible Life

Alex was a rookie that went under the radar, at first, but something bigger was brewing in the background and then boom he was suddenly at the center of the driver market and was thrown into the spotlight. A feeling reflected in It's A Terrible Life. Alex is also the type of try to help someone against all odds, even when they seem impossible (Heart). Also I am not denying I am possibly calling him a werewolf fucker, here but tell me I'm wrong.

Logan Sargeant: Jump the Shark x Dog Dean Afternoon

Logan would do well being able to communicate with a dog and would adapt well to taking on dog-like traits to solve a case (Dog Dean Afternoon) I don't even think he'd question it. Forgotten, overlooked, massively unlucky I don't think there is a better Supernatural parallel for Logan than season 4 Adam (Jump the Shark). He was a great guy who got caught in the middle of something dangerous and paid the price.

Franco Colapinto: Red Sky at Morning x Sharp Teeth

Franco is one of the guys who I just think would be able to make it work for him if he were accidentally turned into a werewolf. He'd take a few months off, come back and be totally fine (Sharp Teeth). I cannot fully explain but Franco does give me Bella vibes, the mix of mischief and amusing self confidence perhaps, or maybe he just has the look of an international occult thief? (Red Sky at Morning) He'd be able to steal rare artifacts using his looks and charm I know that.

Valtteri Bottas: Party On Garth x Everybody Loves a Clown

Valtteri strikes me as the most like Garth. Fun, a little silly, but good at his job and scary when he needs to be (Party On Garth). His methods may seem a little out there but he gets the job done. How could I not include the introduction of the best mullet on Supernatural? I know Valtteri would love Ash and call him #mulletgoals (Everybody Loves a Clown). Another character who seems a little unserious out of the profession but Ash is brilliant and knows how to lock in.

Zhou Guanyu: Hunteri Heroici x Wayward Sisters

Zhou would 100% interrogate that cat and get information. He's probably an expert (Hunteri Heroici). I think his level headed mindset would also really help in a case where the world is literally going Loony toons. Zhou also has been through it, but is strong, and iconic in his unique way (Wayward Sisters). He's been fighting an uphill battle in that Sauber car, new hunter learning on the job has a similar experience, add a little dimension hopping in there for flavor.

Esteban Ocon: Beyond the Mat x Hollywood Babylon

Esteban is a sweetheart but do not be fooled, he absolutely would take down his childhood hero if he needed to (Beyond the Mat). I also think that he'd absolutely be one of those hunters looking for all the old Hollywood ghosts, he'd be an expert about which myths were real or fake and have that locked down over there (Hollywood Babylon).

Pierre Gasly: Monster Movie x Simon Said

I am not saying Pierre is a shapeshifter, but I am saying that if he was he'd be doing the over the top camp and theatrics seen in Monster Movie. Also he like Dean has a way of finding out how to have fun even when things are extremely stressful. If he did have mind control powers he'd use them for good or not use them at all, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know how to use them or that he's not strong (Simon Said).

That's the end! Thank you for reading. This was just something silly I have been working on. It's mostly vibes based but I had a lot of fun putting it together.

*Carry on Wayward Son + F1 theme mashup starts playing*

[saveyourblood]

Pretty Boy - Ch 1 (Evan Buckley x Reader) (Eventual Evan Buckley x Eddie Diaz x Reader)

Summary: You can feel Buck staring. When your eyes meet his, you realize he’s staring at your hand, which is still on Eddie’s knee. You slowly retreat, which makes Buck turn his attention to your face. You smile softly. He just looks out the window. The one where you're an advanced paramedic, Buck and Eddie are firefighters, and you think you might be in love with both of them. Originally posted to AO3

A/N: This is such a niche story and I am desperate for validation, please tell me if you enjoyed reading! Word Count: 3.5k Warnings: Swearing (if that even counts).

You’re ending the first half of your 24-hour shift the same way you always do—dinner with the team. Well, at least that’s how you try to end the first half of your shift. Of course, that’s also assuming that both the fire and medical teams are actually at the station and not on a call.

All things considered, this probably only happens once a week, if that.

When it works out, though, it’s a good time. You already spend a lot of time in the rig with Hen and Chim, being an advanced paramedic and all. When it comes to the firefighters, though, you aren’t as well-versed, so it’s nice to have a weekly ‘getting to know you’ session. It seems like these days, it’s a 50/50 shot if they’ll make it to next month’s dinner.

The firefighting crew at the 118 is a revolving door of macho men. When you first started, it was Chim, Tommy, and Sal. Chim became a paramedic, so he didn’t exactly ‘leave.’ Sal got relieved of duty, so he didn’t really have a choice. Tommy left, but for something better. Maybe it isn’t so much the job that makes people leave; maybe being a firefighter at the 118 is a stepping stone for bigger and better things.

There is one firefighter that, if he left, you wouldn’t be heartbroken. In fact, it would probably make your shifts a whole lot better.

Evan Buckley, aka ‘Buck.’ God, even thinking his name makes you want to gag a little.

He’s a decent kid, but he’s just that: a kid. He’s a Probie; he’s only been on the job for about 4 months, and no one would assume otherwise. His heart is in the right place, but his brain hasn’t caught up yet. You’re starting to fear it never will.

“I know exactly what that polite, distant smile means: she’s bored,” Chim says as he leans over the counter, pulling you right out of your thoughts and back into reality. “This woman is so far out of my league, but she’s once-in-a-lifetime… I can’t let her go.”

“Lots of fish in the sea,” Bobby, your captain, chimes in. He leans over to pull something out of the oven.

“Not with the bait he’s using,” Hen remarks as she walks by. Her arms are full of dishes to set the table with.

“Amen, sister,” you agree, hot on her heels. She gives you a small smile and hands you the plates, which you accept with a smile of your own.

“Cruel, but true,” Chim sighs. “I met her on this new dating site, just for cops and firefighters, RomancingTheUniform.com. She’s an adrenaline junkie, so foreplay is me telling her stories about running into burning buildings and jumping into icy lakes and…”

“I’m sorry, wait,” Hen interrupts, “remind me: when was the last time you ran into or jumped over anything?”

“...I embellish a little.”

“Oh, noted.”

“So is she a cop or a firefighter?” You ask.

Chim gives you a look. “Why would she be?”

“Well, you said the website is for cops and firefighters,” you repeat. “Doesn’t that make her a cop or a firefighter?”

“Okay, it’s not just cops and firefighters,” Chim cedes, “it’s also for people that want to date cops and firefighters.”

“Ohhh,” you smile, “so cops, firefighters, and badge bunnies. What could possibly go wrong?”

“I’m telling you, the uniform is a major aphrodisiac,” Chim continues as he brings a salad to the table.

“Yeah, hence the term ‘badge bunny,’” you remark.

The conversation is interrupted by one of the engines backing into the station. You probably should have noticed it was gone, but frankly, as long as your rig is in the bay safe and sound, you don’t care what the meatheads are up to.

Speaking of meatheads…

“Oh good, PB is back,” you remark sarcastically.

‘PB’, aka ‘pretty boy,’ aka Buck. You started calling him Pretty Boy his first day, and over the months, you shortened it. He jogs his way up the stairs and dips a finger in the communal spaghetti bowl. You roll your eyes and take a sip of your coffee.

“Wash your hands!” Hen scolds as she pulls the bowl out of his reach.

“What if there’d been a call?” Bobby asks as he brings the last dishes to the table.

“I was in the neighborhood!” Buck defends himself. He takes one of the plates from Bobby’s grasp, but instead of passing it around like a normal person, he starts eating the food off the plate with his dirty hands. Sometimes, you wondered if he was raised by a pack of stray dogs.

Bobby starts lecturing Buck, and you smirk with a little satisfaction. Bobby’s going to write him up, and truthfully? It’s a long time coming.

“First infraction, two more, and you’re out,” Bobby says as he steals back the plate. “Wash your hands.”

“You know, you're not helping him by going easy on him,” Chim says once Buck is out of earshot.

“He just needs a little direction,” Bobby replies.

“I’ll remind you of that when he gets us killed,” you mumble.

The alarm bells start to sound through the station. Everyone groans, including yourself. So much for dinner.

Chim decided to catch a ride with the boys in the truck, so that leaves you and Hen in the rig.

“I’m sorry, dispatch,” you say into the radio, “118 RA responding: did you say the baby is in the wall?”

“10-4, 118,” the dispatcher responds. “Caller reports hearing a baby crying in his walls.”

“Copy that, 118 RA clear,” you say before hanging the radio back up. “Well, this will be fun.”

“You think you can play nice with Buck?” Hen asks, a smirk on her face.

“Hey, I’m always nice,” you reply.

“Not to him!” She laughs. “Don’t think I didn’t see you roll your eyes the second he got back to the station.”

“I can play nice and still think he’s a raging idiot,” you defend. “Besides, since when are you his biggest fan?”

“Trust me, I’m not,” Hen chuckles. “And I love you, but you don’t know how to play nice.”

“Why be the bigger person when you can be the bigger problem?”

That remark gets a full belly laugh out of Hen. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”

Hen parks the rig behind the engine in front. The boys come pouring out immediately, grabbing various tools and equipment. You make your way to the back of the ambulance, tossing Hen her med bag before picking up your own.

You follow the rest of the crew upstairs, and before you know it, the five of you are standing in some random guy’s apartment, listening for something that probably isn’t real.

“Look, I'm telling you, I heard a baby crying,” the man says. “Someone flushed a baby down the toilet.”

Hen picks up a bong off the counter and gives the man a look.

“I’m not high.”

You both raise your eyebrows.

“Okay, I’m pretty high, but it’s Sativa,” he says. “It makes you happy. It doesn’t make you hallucinate.”

“It could’ve been a rat,” Chim shrugs. “Sometimes rats get stuck in the walls.”

You frown. At the end of his sentence, you swore you heard a cooing sound.

“Shh,” you say to everyone, walking over to the bathroom. “Did you guys hear that?”

They're hot on your heels, watching as you take your stethoscope from around your neck and put it into your ears. You place the bell on the wall and wait. When you hear nothing, you begin rapping your knuckles on the tile until you do. Once again, it’s a faint cooing sound, not unlike a baby.

You then knock your knuckles on the wall until you hear a hollow sound. You take a marker from your pants pocket and mark an ‘x’ over it, knowing the space behind it is hollow. You take the stethoscope out from your ears.

“We need to open up this wall,” you say, pointing to the ‘x.’

“No, we’re being punked,” Chim disagrees. “It’s a tape recorder or something.”

“Maybe not,” Hen says, stepping forward. “Maybe a mother gives birth on the toilet and flushes it.”

“Okay, first of all, that's awful,” Chim says. “Second, do you know how pipes work?”

“If the baby is premature, its bones can bend and compress like sponges,” Bobby mentions. “We need to get in there.”

“Stand back, I got this!” Buck says, swinging his fire axe over his shoulder.

He runs up towards the wall with full intentions of swinging. Hen and Chim move out of the way and shout while Bobby tries to grab him. Ultimately, you’re the one to stop him, and you do it by placing both hands on the axe.

“Hey! Did you even stop to consider that you might hit a baby?!” You shout, adrenaline pumping through your bloodstream.

Buck just stares at you with wide eyes.

“Yeah, didn’t think so,” you spat, pushing the axe out of the way.

“Buck, go get the saw,” Bobby directs.

“Try to find some common sense while you’re down there,” you call after Buck as he walks out.

“Nice catch,” Bobby says, looking at you.

“How nice of me to save the baby from one of the LAFD’s finest first responders,” you reply bitterly.

You can’t help but look at Hen, who quickly looks away. Her avoidance gives you a small sense of victory because this? This shit right here? This is why you can’t play nice with Buck. His head is screwed on backward, and it can get people killed. Playing nice isn’t going to fix that.

Thankfully, Bobby takes the saw from Buck once he brings it up. He makes a few small cuts in the wall before he and the other boys are pulling at the drywall. They quickly expose a massive pipe running behind the toilet.

“That thing is huge,” you remark to Hen.

“It probably connects a bunch of the toilets in the units above this one,” Hen returned.

“So… even with the water turned off…” you start, a sense of dread filling your stomach.

“If someone above us flushes the toilet, it could drown the baby,” Hen finishes. Almost before she finishes the sentence, she’s running into the hall, yelling for people not to flush their toilets. The boys make a few cuts into the pipe, and in no time, they’re taking it to the floor.

“Guys, I can see the head,” you say, joining them on the floor.

They make a few more cuts until the pipe is one straight segment.

“Get the head out,” Chim instructs.

“Yeah, you gotta push from below,” Buck chimes in.

You try that, but the baby isn’t moving. You look to the corner, then at Buck.

“Bring me the defibrillator,” you instruct clearly.

Buck scrambles over, picking up the case.

“Just the lube, Buck,” you rephrase, but he’s already coming back with the whole thing.

“Take it, take it,” Buck says, passing it off to you.

You let out a frustrated sigh before grabbing the lube out and tossing the rest of it to the side. You pour some lube on the baby’s head, then down by its feet.

“Work that in,” you tell Chim.

You move your index finger around the circumference of the pipe, brushing the baby’s legs with lubricant as you do so. Then, you gently apply pressure to its feet, and slowly, you can feel it move forward.

“This is gonna be a scoop and run,” you mumble.

“Hen, get the ambulance ready,” Bobby tells her. You’re not sure when she got back, but when you look up again, she’s gone again.

Slowly, the baby’s head emerges from the pipe, and the rest of her body follows.

“She’s not breathing,” you quickly note, “starting CPR.”

You place your index and middle finger in the center of the baby’s chest and press down fast and hard. “Looks like her airway’s obstructed.”

“Buck, get the bulb syringe,” Chim demands. A few seconds pass. “Buck, come on!”

“I’m coming!” Buck barks back, clearly in a panic.

“Come on, pretty girl,” you say quietly as you continue compressions. “Come on, sweetheart.”

Buck returns with the bulb syringe and uses it, but it doesn’t help.

“Dammit,” you curse. “You’ll have to try a blind finger sweep.”

Buck looks at you, then Chimney, then the baby, then back at you. “Me?”

“You gotta learn somehow,” you remark. “It’s easy: just turn her head to the side, curl your pinkie, and see if you can scoop anything out.”

Buck is hesitant initially, but he eventually does as you tell him. It takes a few seconds, but he manages to clear the obstruction, and the baby begins crying. Everyone laughs with relief.

“Let’s get her wrapped up,” you say, reaching for a towel.

The four of you rush down the hall, you with the baby in your arms. The pit in your stomach returns.

“No one held the elevator?!” you yell.

“Dammit,” Chim curses.

“Give her to me,” Buck says, nodding to the stairs.

You stare at him.

“Come on, I’m twice as fast,” Buck pleads.

“Screw this up, and I’ll kill you,” you threaten before carefully handing her over.

Buck takes off down the stairs, but you follow after. There’s only so much that can happen in a few flights of stairs, but you aren’t willing to risk it.

“I got you,” Buck says to the baby, “you’ll be okay.”

A faint smile crosses your face. Maybe Buck isn’t so terrible after all.

“Come on, move it!” Buck shouts as you both make it out of the lobby and out to the rig.

You climb into the ambulance with him, but before either of you can even sit down, you hear someone yelling to wait. It’s not just anyone: it’s LAPD Sergeant Grant, or as you’ve heard Hen calls her, Athena.

“Wait, is that the mother?” Buck says, looking at the young woman with blood-stained pants in someone’s arms. “Yo, screw her! Look what she did!”

Never mind. Buck is still terrible.

“Sit down and shut up!” You yell at Buck. “This is not your call! She is a child, and she’s bleeding out!”

“Look what she did!” Buck repeated.

“Come on, let’s get her up here,” you say to Athena and the man carrying the young girl, disregarding Buck’s protests.

Bobby and Chim made it down, so they help haul the young girl up into the rig. Chim stays at the head while Bobby sits next to Buck, the spot you were about to sit in mere moments ago.

“If this baby dies, it’s on you,” Buck says, staring at Athena.

“Stop talking, Evan,” you snap as someone closes the ambulance doors.

Using his actual name seems to shut him up.

“What’s your name, honey?” You ask the baby’s mother as you cut away her shirt to place EKG leads.

“Marika,” she whispers. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

“I know you’re scared, Marika, but you just have to keep breathing for me, okay?” you say. “My friend Howie is going to start an IV so we can give you fluids and medication. You’re bleeding a lot, so I have to do what’s called a fundal exam, okay? I have to press on your stomach to make sure your uterus is contracting back down normally.”

She stares at you, eyes filled with tears, before eventually nodding.

Using one hand to stabilize over the pubis, you begin pressing down the other into Marika’s stomach, a few fingerbreadths below her belly button. She lets out a few whimpers. You don’t feel the fundus, or the top of the uterus, like you should.

“Marika, you’re bleeding a lot because your uterus isn’t contracting. I have to make it contract by doing a fundal massage. It won’t feel that good, but it could save your life.”

Once again, Marika looks at you before nodding. This time, she closes her eyes.

Using firm and consistent pressure, you push one hand down where the fundus should be and make small circles. Marika lets out a few more cries of pain. You notice that, after a few minutes, the bleeding starts to slow, and her uterus firms up beneath your hands.

“Hospital ETA 5 minutes, hang in,” Hen chimes in from the ambulance's cab.

“Something’s wrong,” Buck says, staring at the baby in his arms.

You quickly move over to him. “Put her in your lap so I can see.”

Buck listens, moving away the towel so you can look at the baby. She’s cyanosed around the lips. You flip open a compartment and pull out the neonatal ambu bag. You hand it to Bobby, and you don’t even have to tell him to start bagging.

“I’m so sorry,” Marika says. “Is she gonna be okay?”

Bobby squeezes the bag every other second, delivering a breath to the baby. Her color is starting to look better, but she isn’t very responsive.

“Here, let me try something,” you say.

You gently pick up the baby and set it on Marika’s bare chest. After a few moments, the baby begins to move and cry out.

“Oh my god, why did that work?” Marika asks, wrapping her hands around her baby.

“Skin-to-skin can help babies regulate bodily functions, like temperature and breathing,” you reply as you place a towel over them.

You look over to the men sitting next to you. Bobby gives you a nod, and Buck avoids eye contact, but you can tell that he’s pissed. Fuck him, he doesn’t know his head from his ass anyways.

Once the rig pulls into the ambulance bay, you and Chim help the ER staff get the gurney out of the ambulance. Bobby and Buck follow suit, only Buck tries to follow them into the hospital. Bobby stops him before he does.

Bobby gives Buck some lecture about how we did our jobs, and now it’s their turn; it’s the speech every overly excited first responder gets at least once at the start of their career.

A cop car pulls up, and Athena comes out. She clearly found the person she was looking for, because she starts yelling at Buck.

“You do not get to choose who lives and who dies,” she lectures.

“Really? Because I was under the impression that kind of was my job,” Buck retorts.

You could seriously slap him.

“That mother was no less of a child than her baby,” Athena continues yelling, pointing a finger at the hospital. “You’re gonna get someone killed.”

“Well, maybe, but not today,” Buck says with a cocky head tilt.

You laugh humorlessly. “You know what, Pretty Boy?” you say, turning to Buck.

Fuck it. Bobby won’t put him in his place, and Athena isn’t allowed to, so you take matters into your own hands, literally.

Before you even fully comprehend what you’re doing, you’re wrapping a hand around Buck’s throat and pushing him against the ambulance. You aren’t choking him, but you don’t move your hand because keeping it there is your only leverage.

“I’m getting real tired of this tough guy bullshit,” you growl, your face only an inch from his. He’s quite a bit taller than you, but when you bounced him off the rig, his footing faltered, so he’s crouched at your eye level. “You wanna get real, Evan? You didn’t do a goddamn thing today except get in the way. While we were busy saving lives, you were shitting your pants and dropping the ball, not exactly what a tough guy is supposed to do.”

“Okay, enough,” Bobby says, trying to break it up. You’re far from finished, though.

You move your hand from his neck, but only so you can point it in his face. “You aren’t a god — you don’t decide who lives! You didn’t even save a life today: we did, because you kept fucking up. And if you keep fucking up like you did today, you definitely will kill someone, and your little jokes and midday booty calls and your shitty little grin won’t change that!”

Bobby ends up physically pulling you away while Athena makes some room between the two of you.

“Aren’t you going to arrest her or something?” Buck says, rubbing his neck. “She assaulted me!”

“She didn’t say anything that wasn’t true,” Athena counters. “I promise you, Buckley, the next time you screw up? It’ll be your last.”

Athena casts Bobby a glance before she walks away.

“You,” Bobby says, looking at Buck, “in the truck. Now.”

You start to walk over to the passenger’s side of the cab when Bobby calls after you.

“I want you in my office the second we get back,” He orders.

You clench your jaw. “Yes Captain.”

[dark-dragon-8]

I want to write a supernatural fic where Sam still hunts while in college.

Like, hunting has always been such a big part of his life that he just can't live without it, especially when he knows other people are going to die and/or suffer if he doesn't help them.

I want Sam to be one of those students that you know never goes to any of the classes but almost always gets an A (or at the very least a passing grade) on all the exams/assignments (he both knows from experience and studies in his free time while on the road).

I want Sam to be the weird/cool guy at school that everyone theorizes about ["Do you think he has a girlfriend?" "He must be rich or something, how else can he afford to travel so much while still attending school" (he's not BTW) "I wonder who that guy that always drives him to and from classes/exams is" (that's Dean) "So he's a passenger princess" (they've never seen him drive), etc].

Everything about the show is the same (I might keep Jess alive though, IDK, like that girl who ends up having a crush on him so she's looking into him and finds out some stuff) except he's still in school and he & Dean always cover their faces/only Dean impersonates people (that work with the state/law & stuff) so that the authorities won't be able to connect things too quickly and ambush them while there's a test or something.

Sam is literally the cryptid of the school after getting his powers, like people literally see him get visions/mumble about future events in the middle of those rare lessons he comes to/exams/assignments.

After Dean becomes a demon, people start thinking he's his drug dealer and that they're a part of some Mafia group that needs a new lawyer/future new lawyer (hence why Sam is learning law) after they keep hearing hushed conversations where Sam practically begs this Dean guy to "Just please give it to me, please Dean I don't think I can take it much longer" (assuming "it" probably means like heroin or some other type of drug. Also how they finally found out Dean's name) and Dean begrudgingly handing him a small red vial and telling him he'll give him more, sometimes directly from the source (his wrist), later. Sam also starts bringing a second, smaller, steel water bottle to school after those interactions start but almost nobody notices (or they do and there are a thousand and one new conspiracies about it and what it means, after all, it could just be coffee for all they know, they can't be sure though, and they're too scared to ask whenever they do see him and he actually stays in school for a little longer instead of instantly leaving to go somewhere. So they don't really get the chance to ask him even if they want to).

They see him "give a random girl hickeys" in the alley right beside the school (he's actually drinking Ruby's blood after she got her throat slashed/slashed her own throat just a little bit so that they won't look too suspicious) and they think that's his GF. And then some other students see him doing the same to his drug dealer's (Dean's) wrist a few days later and they don't know what to think anymore [he was desperate (read; needed a boost before a stressful exam/lesson/finals week), okay? He wasn't thinking straight and all three thought it was at least somewhat okay as long as they were being careful].

One day, during a lesson because the others know he won't answer during an exam, Bobby (because he still isn't talking to John, fuck you John) is calling him, saying it's an emergency and that they need him there ASAP. He doesn't remember to control his reaction in front of the class and now everyone further believes that he's in the Mafia and that was his boss talking to him [they vaguely remember hearing him, quietly whisper, if they need him to bring his extra guns at the start of the conversation/if he needs to kill someone/if anybody died towards the end of it (all said somewhat casually, considering the situation, mind you)].

I imagine Gabriel coming over to fuck with him one day at the school and people thinking he's part of a rival group/family (that may or may not have joined Sam's own after betraying said family, depending on the timeline) based on their interactions. On that same note, I want Castiel to be like the boss's right hand/messenger and that their boss's name/title is God/the lord (if I was in that situation, I would think their boss is very narcissistic, but I won't say anything about it because crime and I don't want to die yet). And then when Godstiel comes around, Dean, who at this point knows way more than Sam about these rumors (because unlike Sam he's actually been around), makes him seem like their new boss (he might just use it to help him get laid, like in that one episode, but IDK).

I really want to write it, and I might just do it, I just need to finish the series first so that I'll be characterizing them correctly (these are all characters I already somewhat know about/saw) so we'll see if I remember it by then.

Feel free to use this idea but also I want credit/link to the story (mainly a link) if you do use it, since I want to read it regardless of whether or not I actually write this (knowing myself, I probably will. Like 78% will).

[aylacavebear]

Soulmates? Yeah, right, pft. - Ch. 28

When you turn sixteen, and your soulmate's name doesn’t appear anywhere on your body that you can find, you figure you had to be the only person on the planet who didn’t have one. Most of the town shuns you, so you stick close to family. Your Aunt Ellen raised you after your parents died in a car crash when you were two, but what happens when the Winchesters return to town and buried secrets begin to come to light?

Pairing: Mechanic Dean Winchester x OC Reader/You

Word Count: 4739

Warnings: Dean being Dean, navigating being an empath, suggestive thoughts, longing, Fluff.

A/N: This is my non-Supernatural fic I'm attempting. Please let me know what you think, as I always love hearing from my readers.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 28

The garage was filled with the familiar sounds of tools clanking, engines humming, and the scent of motor oil lingering in the air. Bobby and John were tinkering with a car on the far end, Garth was talking to Jack about a custom part, and Jodi and Ellen were off to the side, sipping coffee. Dean pulled the Impala into the yard as you looked out the window, the sun almost high in the sky. God, you both had missed the place so much over the past few months, but it hadn’t changed at all.

Dean glanced over at you as he parked the Impala. You ready for this? The words echoed softly in your mind, his voice clear, but softened by a hint of concern. He knew how hard it had been at Crowley's when you were around a lot of people, and this was a lot of people, even if you did know them all.

I think so. You thought, offering him a small smile. The emotions around you were already swirling—Bobby’s concentration, John’s mild frustration, Garth’s excitement—but it was Dean’s presence that grounded you, his calm determination a constant comfort.

As you both stepped out of the car, you felt a shift. Benny had just arrived, and you could sense the excitement radiating from him, a ripple of something deeper… anticipation? He’d had it that morning when he brought Dean’s Baby to your house so Dean could take you to breakfast.

Dean felt some of the emotions trickle through the connection with you as he put his arm over your shoulder and pulled you close. Taking a shaky breath, the two of you headed inside as a cacophony of greetings ensued. Everyone except Cas knew what was about to happen. At least being close to Dean helped block out some of the emotions the others were feeling.

The moment Benny and Meg stepped into the garage, there was silence. Cas not only looked confused, but you could feel it from him. All eyes turned to the two. When Cas’s eyes fell on Meg, you felt it, the moment that connection happened for the two, and you almost couldn’t hold back the tears. It reminded you of the first time you truly looked at Dean, back at Crowley’s, and had let him in. Cas watched her like she was the first light in a dark room—confusion and awe mixing together, despite his usually stoic demeanor. Meg glanced around, her eyes landing on Cas as if drawn by some unseen force. Her smirk faltered for just a second, replaced by something softer—vulnerability? You felt the flash of it, the hesitation in her step. But then, she was Meg again, mask up, all sharp edges and sarcasm.

“Well, would you look at this bunch of misfits,” Meg quipped, crossing her arms. “Didn’t know this was a family reunion.” Her tone was playful, but her eyes kept drifting back to Cas, like she was trying to figure out if it really was him, his name that was on her body, her soulmate.

Cas stepped forward, his movements cautious, but deliberate. “Meg…” His voice was deeper than usual, quieter, and it carried the weight of something he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to say out loud. Meg was a common name, typically short for Meggan. But the name that had appeared on him when he was sixteen was Meg. 

Meg raised an eyebrow, the tension between them palpable. “You gonna stare all day, Clarence, or are you gonna say something profound?”

You could feel it between the two of them. They felt that pull toward each other, but they were both being cautious, not wanting to hope too hard or move too fast. It reminded you of yourself, months ago, with Dean. Even now you couldn’t seem to move faster with him, and you still hadn’t given him an answer to being his girlfriend.

Before Cas could respond, Dean snorted, breaking the tension. “Cas, man, you gotta work on your opening lines.” You elbowed him lightly, sending him a playful thought. And you’re the expert on first impressions?

Dean grinned, but you felt the warmth beneath his teasing—a silent admiration for Cas’s vulnerability in that moment. Hey, I’m charming. You know that, he replied through your bond.

Cas finally spoke, his voice filled with quiet reverence. “I’ve been… waiting to meet you.” His blue eyes locked onto Meg’s, and you could feel the deep connections beginning to knit itself together between the two. It was like watching two puzzle pieces finally snap into place.

Meg opened her mouth, probably ready to throw out another sarcastic comment, but the words didn’t come. Instead, she just stared at him, her defenses lowering for the briefest moments.

You caught her emotions—a mix of disbelief, fear, and, deep down, a flicker of hope. It mirrored Cas’s own uncertainty, the vulnerability they both seemed reluctant to show.

Dean’s hand brushed against yours, grounding you as you absorbed the waves of emotions in the room. All eyes were on the two, a quiet hum of hope traveled between them. Benny cleared his throat, stepping closer. “Figured you two needed to at least meet each other. We met her in Cali. She rescued Y/N.” 

Jodi leaned over to Ellen, her voice low but audible. “Think we’re gonna need more coffee.” Ellen only nodded, a soft smile on her lips, seeing the two try to feel each other out without either of them saying too much. 

It had gone better than you had hoped for. You hadn’t gotten to interact much with Meg back in Cali during your ordeal, but seeing and feeling the two of them now, made you smile as you leaned against Dean. He instinctively put his arm around you and held you close. They’re kinda cute together, Dean’s whispered words making you smile.

Pretty sure Benny said something similar about us, you thought back to him before he kissed the top of your head, both of you remembering back to that first night in the safe house.

“Alright, everybody back to work,” John piped in, breaking the silence, but also wanting to give the two a few moments to themselves. “Cas, you can take the afternoon off, if you want. Get to know her,” he added, clapping Bobby on the shoulder before returning to the car the two had been working on.

Everyone went off to do their own thing, leaving the two where they’d been standing, just staring at each other, unsure of how to proceed. “Would you two go have a few beers and relax,” Ellen hollered, her voice carrying that soft undertone of affection as she smiled.

Cas couldn’t stop the smile that found his lips. “Would… would you like to-” he began, albeit nervously, but Meg cut him off.

“Come on, Clarence. I’ll drive,” Meg sassed playfully, a smirk toying at her lips. She wasn’t about to admit anything or just let him in. Her life had been hard, and the idea of having normal scared her.

You chuckled a little at the pet name she’d given him but didn’t say anything as the two left. The familiar sounds of cars being worked on brought a wave of comfort that washed over you. I missed this place. Me too, Sweetheart. 

Before you could look up at him, Bobby approached the two of you. He typically didn’t let his emotions show, but seeing the two of you finally together, made him smile in a way that even his eyes conveyed his happiness. “You two take the time you need. Don’t feel like you’ve got to get back to work right away. You’ve both been through hell,” he told the two of you, meaning it from the bottom of his heart.

“Thanks, Bobby. But, I need to make a phone call. Can you keep her company?” Dean replied, kissing the top of your head before he wandered into the office. He had to call Sam and tell him about your premonition.

Your stomach twisted a little when he walked away, but you took a deep breath. There were plenty of people here, and Cole was in jail at the moment. So, you pushed the worry away, for now. “What’s going on?” Ellen asked, now standing next to you, having seen the worry flash across your expression. With a sigh, you looked up at her, trying to ground yourself from the waves of emotions that kept crashing through you, not all of them yours. “I had a nightmare last night. Dean said I have premonitions. I’m pretty sure he has to call Sam and Crowley because it was about Cole.” It was hard to say even that much, and you knew there was no way you could recount the details of it to any of them.

I’m almost done, Sweetheart. I’ll be there in a few minutes.

His whispered words helped you take a shaky breath as you attempted to calm your nerves again. That was about when Jodi pipped in. “Before we had left Cali, Crowley had mentioned something about getting you on the registrar for empaths with premonitions. That way, if you have them, someone can do something about it,” she offered with that soft smile that helped you relax just a little bit more.

The idea of being on that sort of list was a new concept. Although, most of the stuff having to do with empaths and premonitions was new to you. Seeing the confusion on your face, Jodi continued, “Crowley said that if you had any dreams that involved the Vaughts or their associates, whether you were awake or asleep, that you should call him.”

That was when Dean came up behind you, putting his arms around your waist. His touch melted the tension in your shoulders away as you leaned against him. “So, we gotta call Crowley later. Sam said he’s busy right now. Something about a register, or something,” he murmured, resting his chin on your shoulder, gently.

“Can we just go home?” you asked quietly, needing not only the quiet but also the solitude. Other people’s emotions were still a lot, and you hadn’t figured out how to block them out when you needed a break.

Dean smiled a little at how you had worded that, home, like it was both of your home and not just yours. “Yeah, we can go home, Sweetheart,” he replied softly, gently giving you a squeeze.

The two of you said your goodbyes before he drove back to your place. He wanted to ask you things, but he could tell that right now, you didn’t need that on top of what was going through your head. He did hold your hand while he drove, trying to help ground you in the moment and shut out the things circling your mind.

After parking in the garage, he made sure to lock the garage door before following you down to the bunker. At least you felt safe enough there to relax. He just wasn’t sure how long it would take before you felt safe again, safe enough to at least live in the regular part of the house.

“Movie?” he asked, raising an eyebrow after he slipped off his shoes, but you just shrugged.

It was like your nightmare was playing on repeat since you’d brought it up earlier, and you couldn’t make it stop. Not even being close to Dean had helped, and now, not even being in the bunker was helping. He felt all of it- your turmoil, fear, and anxiety as you just stood in the middle of the l living room, lost in your thoughts.

For a moment, he just watched you, debating what would be the best way to help get your mind to focus on something else, literally anything else. And with that, he walked over and scooped you up in his arms, making you squeal in surprise as you wrapped your arms around his neck to hold on.

“That’s cheating,” you protested, but deep down, you were grateful he’d surprised you the way he had.

“And I’ll cheat every day if it means you’ll smile,” he smirked as he carried you to your room.

You felt the blush warm your cheeks, lying your head against his chest, focusing on calming your breathing again. You let his emotions wash over you like a soft blanket on a cold winter’s day, soothing the worry that had been coursing through you only moments ago. Dean felt a wave of relief when he felt the tension slowly ease out of your body before he gently set you down on the edge of your bed.

“You’re really sweet, you know that,” you told him as he went to your dresser to pull out something comfortable for you to wear.

“Only for you, Sweetheart,” he chuckled.

His words made you smile as you slipped off your shoes, using your feet so you didn’t have to use your hands. After Dean turned around, his eyes followed your shoes as you kicked them toward your door, chuckling again, “Well, that’s one way to do it.”

“Are you gonna be a tease again?” you asked, tilting your head a bit, looking up at him. But, instead of answering you, he just smirked as he stopped directly in front of you. Seeing the glint of playfulness in his eyes, you already knew what the answer was. Of course, he was going to be a tease. Your thoughts made his smirk grow, but it was slowly turning into a grin that almost went to his eyes. Dean was gentle, like he had been before, and he did tease you, just as he had last time. But, your thoughts weren’t on your current problems; they were on Dean.

“I love it when you think about me like that,” he whispered after scooping you into his arms again, making you blush.

He got you comfortable on the couch while he set up one of your favorite movies before snuggling up with you. Phone calls could wait. You needed to relax, and that was all he cared about. Dean had already made plans for the evening. He just hoped he could keep you relaxed with everything going on.

Sometime near six, Dean headed upstairs to meet Benny by the garage door. “Thanks, man. I just didn’t want to leave her alone, and it’s not like she was in a space to hit a grocery store earlier,” he told Benny gratefully as he began grabbing the bags from Benny’s car.

“No prob. She doing any better?” Benny asked, helping Dean with the bags.

He sighed as he met Benny’s gaze, “It’s a lot for her. I’ve just been trying to keep her distracted from it all for now.” Dean glanced at the secret door that he’d left cracked, so you wouldn’t need to go up there. “She’s scared, Benny. Scared that monster is going to kill me so he can still use her.” 

Benny glanced in the direction Dean was looking for a moment, then grabbed another bag out of his car. “At least she’s got you, and that bunker.”

“She can’t live down there forever, Benny,” Dean replied, focusing on debating how he’d get all the bags down there in one trip. “I even called Crowley and told him about her premonition. He’s still trying to get her name on the register thing. It’s taking longer because of how old she is, and she’s just now having them.”

“Want some help?” Benny asked, seeing the debate going through Dean’s head, while also hiding his concern for you.

“No. She hasn’t figured out how to block out other people’s emotions yet. We’re supposed to go see Pamela in a couple days. Bobby said she could help her,” Dean replied absentmindedly as he began grabbing bags, then realized he needed to lock up before he headed down there. “Oh, how’d it go with Cas and Meg?” 

Benny almost laughed, thinking back. “Haven’t seen em’ since they left for the bar. Guess he ain’t comin’ in tomorrow either. He told Bobby something about spending the night, getting to know her better.”

Dean pictured the two of them in his head, chuckling a little. “She’s gonna eat him alive, and he’s gonna love every second of it. That girls something else.”

With that, they said their goodbyes before Dean locked up the garage. Then he loaded the bags on his arms, stubborn to take them all in one trip. You’d stayed seated on the couch, just watching the open door and focusing on the connection between the two of you. Some of his thoughts drifted through your mind, mostly just the reassurance that he was okay.

When you saw him with nearly ten bags hanging off his arms, you stood to help him, but he just looked at you. “Not with your wrists still hurting,” he told you, but it was out of his love for you that he wasn’t letting you help.

You grumbled, closed the door, and followed him into the kitchen, curious about what he had Benny bring by. Most of it was necessities to restock the fridge. Then there were the other things: pie, beer, some chocolate, and dinner, which was burritos from the diner wrapped in foil to keep them warm.

He did at least let you help put some of the lighter things away, watching to make sure you didn’t push it. At least your feet hadn’t been bothering you, but all the bandages would need to be changed soon, to make sure nothing got infected.

“How about one more movie, dinner, a couple beers, and then we go cuddle up for the night?” he offered with that soft smile, making your heart melt again.

“Only if you put on something comfortable first,” you replied softly, heading into the living room again to get comfortable on the couch. You knew he wasn’t going to let you help. He wanted you to heal, and there was no point in arguing with him.

The way your hips swayed as you walked made Dean bite his bottom lip; thoughts of playfully tackling you onto the couch while you laughed, pinned under him, played through his mind. You shot him a knowing look as he stifled his laughter and attempted to focus on getting a pair of sweats and a shirt out of his bag instead of you.

You wondered if you could wait until his birthday, which was just under a week away, especially with how he affected you. It was one thing to have your own fantasies play out in your head, but to hear his thoughts of what he wanted to do… Well, those were intense. He had plenty of experience, and you had none. That thought made your brain go down a whole different tangent while he changed.

He sighed as he slipped on his shirt, then rejoined you in the living room. “I don’t care that you don’t have any experience. So, stop thinking like that,” he told you, tossing his clothes onto his bag before sitting next to you.

Not being able to hide things from him like you used to sucked a little, but the way he reassured you made it all worth it. Dean pulled you against him with one arm while gently tilting your head up to meet his gaze. There was nothing in his eyes or emotions that said anything to contradict what he’d said.

For a moment, his breath hitched in his chest when your eyes met his. The apprehension, trust, adoration, and something else… anticipation made his heart skip a beat. He could easily get lost in your eyes. Dean absentmindedly licked his lips, your eyes darting to the movement and your thoughts to how his lips had felt against yours before meeting his gaze again.

“I told you, when you’re ready,” he whispered, gently pressing his lips to your forehead, then pressed play on the movie.

God, kissing your forehead and not your lips had been almost impossible, and now he was almost regretting choosing to wear sweats with no boxers. The way your lips had parted brought too many sinful thoughts to his mind, his body responding in ways he was now trying to stop. At least the movie didn’t have any adult scenes, as it was more of a kid movie, but one of your favorites.

It took him almost a half hour to calm his body down before he risked getting up to retrieve dinner, which was still quite warm, wrapped in foil. He managed to get you laughing during dinner while the two of you had a couple beers. Not only seeing but also feeling you relax allowed him to relax. For now, the books from Crowley had been left forgotten on the far end of the coffee table. And for now, things felt normal between the two of you, like there wasn’t anything else to worry about except each other.

After dinner, Dean grabbed the medical supplies from the bathroom, making you prop your feet up on the coffee table. You had tried to tell him that you could do it, but he had insisted, wanting to take care of you. Hearing him beg in your mind with his thoughts melted your heart, so you had relented.

Watching the care he took, his touches gentle, even with having to peel back the tape stuck to your skin that held the old bandages in place. You were too focused on him. The way his eyes focused on his task. The tenderness in them and his touch were heartwarming. 

I really do love it when you watch me. His thought made him smile a little without looking up at you. Dean still felt guilty that you’d gotten hurt when you got kidnapped, but the softness of your emotions always soothed those emotions in him when they surfaced. 

You tilted your head a bit, a small smile toying with the corners of your lips. It’s peaceful. It was the only way you could describe the feeling that watching him brought you. The way his emotions mixed with yours in an almost dance within you really was peaceful. Well, as long as neither of you were trying to soothe the other over your own feelings. That was when it felt complicated and more like a strange storm.

Once he slipped a pair of socks on your feet, he began cleaning up, but his mind was elsewhere. He let cuddling with you be at the forefront of his mind, so that was all you could pick up on. In the back of his mind, though, he was worried that he couldn’t keep the nightmares at bay anymore. Dean felt your eyes on him as you helped clean up the trash from dinner, and when you went into the kitchen, he couldn’t help but look over at you.

He watched the way your hips swayed as you made your way across the kitchen, a smile toying at his lips, enjoying the sight of you while simultaneously terrified that Cole would actually come after you. 

Just like you tell me, worrying about it won’t change it or make it go away. You thought to him, meeting his gaze after you threw away the trash, that compassionate smile on your lips again. Dean sighed, then shook his head a little in amusement.

“No fair using my own words against me,” he scoffed, but it was playful.

You giggled, letting the way his emotions danced with yours calm your nerves again. What was the point in worrying now, in this moment? Being in the bunker, the only way in was through the secret doors, and you had the key. “Come on, handsome. Let’s get some sleep,” the tenderness of your words helped him relax again.

Snaking his arms around your waist, he pulled you close again. He wasn’t sure what to say, though. He wanted to thank you, but that didn’t seem quite right. You felt him sigh, letting out one of your own. “Look, if I have a nightmare, I know you’ll be there when I wake up. We’re safe down here. He can’t get in. So, let’s try to enjoy whatever time we have, please,” you told him softly, your head resting on his chest.

The way your emotions flowed through the connection and washed over him in soft waves soothed the tension that he hadn’t even realized had settled into his muscles. “Alright, Sweetheart. Let’s get some sleep then,” he whispered, kissing the top of your head.

Before you could pull away, he scooped you into his arms, making you squeal in that delightful way. He had needed it, to hear and feel your joy, and he held onto it. It helped keep those troublesome thoughts from sneaking back to the forefront of his mind. The way you felt in his arms, the warmth of your body, the softness of your hand on his chest, it all was a balm to his troubled mind.

You watched him, loving how his arms felt around you, even when he carried you. Part of you would miss this after your feet healed, so you were determined to commit it all to memory. Gingerly, you reached up and cupped his cheek, gently rubbing your thumb over his jawline. Dean almost froze, now halfway between your bedroom door and the bed, and looked down at you. The softness of your touch matched the look in your eyes, making his breath hitch in his chest and his lips part. If only you knew what you did to him. It only got worse when you tilted your head the way you did when you got curious or confused, which brought a smile to his lips.

“What?” you asked, not quite sure how to describe or understand what he was feeling.

The smile that found his lips brightened his entire expression. “Sweetheart, I love you.” Those were the only words he found that said it, the feeling he couldn’t describe, even if it felt so much stronger and yet so much softer.

You ducked your head a little, blushing, “I love you too, Dean,” you replied a little shyly, then bit your bottom lip.

Dean took a breath, then had to shake the thoughts from his mind. He set you down on the edge of the bed, forcing himself to focus on just getting the two of you into bed, cuddling. But his mind wasn’t about to be of any help with that. Feeling your eyes on him, knowing you were still blushing a little and that you were only in a shirt, gave his mind what it needed to let the fantasies begin toying with his thoughts.

It wasn’t your intention to turn him on. You honestly just wanted to be close to him. You just didn’t fully understand the depth of what your soul was needing, nearly craving with him. Again, you wanted to apologize, even opened your mouth, but quickly closed it and deliberately didn’t think the word. 

His movements were fluid as he turned down the blankets before looking back at you, and he wished he hadn’t. He could see the longing, the need in your eyes, knowing exactly what you were trying to understand. With a sigh, he helped you onto the side you’d claimed as yours before he slid under the covers on the other side.

Tonight, he didn’t have to ask; you just scooted over and snuggled up against him, his arm around you, pulling you closer. You didn’t know how to ask him what you were feeling, since you didn’t even know how to describe the feeling. So, instead, you focused on the comfort of his embrace, the warmth of his body, and the steady rhythm of his breathing and heartbeat.

Dean had his suspicions of what you were feeling, but he didn’t want to talk about a topic he didn’t fully understand. As your breathing evened out, he began relaxing, letting your closeness comfort his soul so he, too, could drift off to sleep. He was just praying that you wouldn’t have another nightmare. The one thing he was praying for was that you could find and have some peace, without the looming possibility of a threat, and the fear in you would subside.

----------------------------------------- Chapter 29

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If I missed tagging, please let me know. I had a lot of requests for tags for this one. If you'd like to be tagged, drop me a comment.

[ganxiously]

With a bit of distance, I can actually see one consistent flaw in Tommy's character that we as fans completely missed out on and that is him being a very self-centred person. I'm not saying he's selfish because we have clearly seen in both s7 and s8 that he does turn up for other people - at the very beginning with the cruise ship, then for Buck (especially in 8.05) and he is definitely not in firefighting for the clout.

What I mean is that from the very beginning, he seems incapable or should I say, unwilling to go past his own experiences and hurts. We could take the first date into account (not a lot because he was a bit valid there) where he wrote off Buck, immediately assuming he was not ready. I don't think they say it clearly and I don't have the energy to go and check but it is implied that he has experienced this, whether in himself or in a previous partner.

We see this flaw come back again in the dinner scene where while Buck is talking about Bobby and his issues with his father, he falls back on his own experience again. I don't think he was doing it out of malice or in order to take away Buck's moment, but he genuinely couldn't seem to empathise with it without looking through the lens of his own relationship with his father and with Gerard.

The grand climax of this flaw came out this episode where in the beginning, he is extremely flippant towards what he did to Abby. He is focused entirely on how hard living the lie was for him, so much so, it doesn't seem to even clock for him that his self-preservation tactics hurt a woman so much. This again comes back in the break-up scene where the moment he considers himself under threat, he pulls back completely. He again writes off Buck, telling him basically there is no way you aren't breaking my heart because that is what my experiences tell me is about to happen. He doesn't even really wait to see where Buck is coming from or have a conversation about it. He puts words in Buck's mouth, says of course this is the only way it goes and then practically runs away from there.

I'm not saying all this to portray Tommy as a bad person but more as a flawed person which actually makes me like him more because I can't help but wonder why he is like the way he is. Is it innate? Has he always been like this but has never had anyone call him out on his bullshit? Is it something he made a conscious decision to do because he felt like no one else was putting his feelings first? is he not over his past the way he pretends to be? it also makes me sad because if played out differently, we could have had so much fun with it because Buck is completely opposite to him in this regard and down the line, if they couldn't make it work, it would have been a great moment of personal growth for Buck (again) as well where he would learn to put his hurts first.

[and wow, I think I just played myself because I am a little more obsessed with Tommy than I was before writing this out]

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

HIII YOU DID SO WELL WITH THE X-2 KURT I feel like you really captured him welll,Can you do another one where reader was apart of the brotherhood but magneto and mystique left reader so she stayed with the x-men and she’s still adapting and when she meets Kurt she grows fond of him since she used to be religious and starts to get feelings for him please! (If you can’t write the religious part it’s totally fine too!)

~You Gotta Have Faith~

Pairing: Nightcrawler x Reader

Word Count: 4.4k

Warnings: you read the ask (hopefully) the story is about religion and having a complicated relationship about it, proceed at your own desire

Genre: fluff pretty much

Summary: You can't be the best choice for a first mission with someone you couldn't feel more opposite of

A/N: HIIII SO GLAD YOU LIKED THAT STORY I hope you what I came up with for this one :)

***

The frantic knocking at your door puts you on high alert when you hear it from your room. You creep up to the door, watching the shadows move across your kitchen as the sun inches into the sky.

"Professor!" A voice whisper shouts through the door, knocking harder.

Professor? You quickly check your peephole and gasp when you realize it's students from the school. You swing open your door to find at least 10 students clutching their arms.

"What are you doing here? Where is your guardian?" You ask.

"Me." Peter points to himself.

"You're a student. What adult is responsible for you?"

"Well- you."

"Me? How did you even know where to find me!?" You frown.

"The manor was attacked." He says.

That's not an- oh whatever.

"Wha-" You tilt your head up and mouth a 'fuck me-' "Alright, get in here before someone sees y'all and starts asking questions." You rush all of them into the house and lock your door.

"Sweetie take the little ones downstairs. There's plenty of blankets in the closet down there." You address one of the older boys in the group, maybe like 14.

"You metal man are staying up here to explain what the heck is going on." You point to Peter and gesture for him to follow you into the kitchen.

"The manor was attacked." He says sitting at your kitchen's island on one of your stools.

"You said that. What do you mean? Who attacked the manor?"

"I don't know- they were guys in military tactical gear- they came in the middle of the night and started shooting us with these. I think they're tranquilizers." Peter drops a dart onto the counter.

"And you got all these kids out?" You ask. Peter nods.

"Logan stayed to fight them off, give us a headstart."

"Logan?! But where was Storm? Or Jean, or Scott, or Charles? Where were your professors?!"

"I don't know for sure. Some mission things. They left Logan in charge."

"And the school was attacked by an army? What happened to Logan? Or the rest of the kids?"

"Logan was fighting them off. He insisted I get as many kids out as possible. He- gave me your address. Told me to bring us here. Bobby and Rogue and John stayed behind. The guys in combat gear rounded up a lot of us before Logan or I could stop them."

"Let's find everyone." You hum walking over to the wall on your left. You tap out a pattern against one of the wall panels which pops open a retina scanner which triggers a finger print and once all of that is complete the wall flips open to reveal several devices.

"Woah- what is all this stuff?"

"Expensive. Don't touch any of it." You say.

"What does it do?"

"It connects to the xmen comms system." You say.

"And you just have this in your house?" He gasps.

"No."

"No?"

"This system exists outside of time and space. I can just summon it whenever I want." You shrug.

"What kind of mutant are you?" Peter asks.

"A transmogrifier." You frown as you see most devices are offline. There's two active though, Scott in Boston? And a jet. You think.

"A- what?"

"Shapeshifter." You mutter.

"Oh like the blue lady?"

"No not like- wait how do you know about Mystique?" You stop what you're doing to look at him.

"I- should I not?"

"Well it's not like she's visiting the mansion." You scoff.

"I overheard the professors talking about her. They were going to try tracking her down but weren't sure they'd be able to because of the whole-"

"Changing into other people thing yeah I'm familiar." You say. "Mystique can turn into other people. I can turn into anything. Real." You turn into a fox for a moment. "Or imaginary." You turn into a unicorn. "If I can envision it, I can turn into it." You explain.

You finally manage to get through to the jet comms system.

"Hello?" You say.

"Y/n?"

"Storm??" You frown.

"Yes." She says.

"Aren't you out of office this week?" Another voice chimes in, surprising you.

"Jean?" You blink.

"Yes."

"Where have y'all been?! Actually, hang on. Peter, can you join the kids downstairs please hon?" It's probably best he's not present for this conversation.

"No way. I wanna help." Peter says. You sigh and mute yourself so Jean and Storm can't hear you.

"You can help by doing what I'm asking you to do." You say.

"But I should be part of this-"

"Peter, we have no idea who attacked the mansion, or why, or how far they are willing to go for whatever they're after. Right now those kids just have us and the oldest person down there is 14. I'd feel better if you were with them while I handled this."

"Why can't I hear this?" He asks.

"I know you're older but you are still a student and therefore there are some things you aren't privy to. I'll give you the gist when we're done because I might have to leave you in charge but consider this a faculty meeting. No students allowed." You say. Peter reluctantly exists the kitchen and you return your attention back to your call.

"Sorry, hi." You huff.

"What was that?" Jean asks.

"Peter."

"Who?" Storm asks.

"Peter R."

"Why is Peter R. at your house?" Storm asks.

"Do you have any idea what's going on right now!?" You shake your head.

"No. We can't get Scott, we can't get Charles, Logan's giving no information-"

"Scott's in Boston." You cut Jean off.

"Logan's in Boston." Storm corrects you.

"Logan's in Boston?! Where's Scott?" You frown.

"He was supposed to be with Charles visiting Magneto and we can't get them." Storm sighs.

"Visiting Magneto!? What the hell for?" You blink in shock.

"We're not sure-"

"Well where are yall?" You ask.

"Headed to get Logan. He said they're in trouble but he won't explain." Storm says.

"The Mansion got attacked." You say.

"What!?" They gasp.

"How do you know that?!" Jean asks.

"I've got at least a dozen kids in my house as a result of it." You say.

"A dozen? Where are the others?!" She asks.

"Deities only know!" You sigh.

"Well who the hell-"

"No idea. Peter says they were like military or something. Storm, things are bad."

"We'll be fine. There's not a thing in this galaxy we aren't able to handle. You know this, you know us." Storm says.

"I don't like that we're so scattered. We weren't prepared for this-"

"We never are. But we don't back down." Jean says.

"Holy shi-"

"What the-"

"Can one of you finish a sentence?" You ask.

"We just got to Logan." Storm says.

"Is he okay!?" Your eyes widen.

"They- seem to have picked a fight with some cops." She says.

"Logan?" You raise a brow, Logan's not a fight picker.

"He's got Rogue and Bobby and that John kid with him." Jean says.

"Let's get outta here." You hear Logan grunt.

"Logan!" You say.

"Y/n? Did that metal kid make it to you?" He asks.

"Oh he did. Him and a handful of others."

"Thank fuck." He sighs.

"Y/n we- need to go." Jean says.

"We're being shot at! We'll touch base when we're safe!" Storm tells you and disconnects.

"This is fucking insane." You sigh.

It's a while before you hear from them again. It's then that you learned about Striker and Magneto getting involved, and the new mutant. With the kids at your place and Magneto being directly involved with their save the day plan, you decide you're better off staying home. You're not sure you're quite ready to face Magneto and Mystique in an amiable way. It's a stressful couple of days waiting for an update of any kind. And it's even more stressful couple of months trying to readjust afterwards.

Repairs on the mansion are plentiful and extensive. Several students end up displaced as their rooms were destroyed but you and the others do your best to make this easier for them.

And of course there's the new mutant. Logan and Storm told you his name is Kurt Wagner, former circus performer, teletransporter and according to Logan 'total weirdo'. You haven't really spoken to him but you've seen him slinking around the manor.

As you're walking down the hall you vaguely, just barely, hear the very quiet sound of someone breathing- above you? You tilt your head up and there's Kurt, walking down the hall but on the ceiling.

"Yo Cirque du Soleil!" You call up at him.

"Me?" He bends his neck backwards to look at you upside down.

"You were in a circus weren't you?" You ask.

"Yes!"

"Well then yeah, you. Why are you on the ceiling?"

"I feel I'm better off moving around the academy this way." He says. You give yourself a set of wings and fly up to the ceiling to be face to face with him.

"Better off up here than walking like the rest of us?" You ask.

"I think I freak out some of the kids." He admits.

"What?"

"They stare at me."

"Of course they do. You're the new guy. Scott shoots lasers out of his eyes, Logan has claws in his knuckles, one of these kids turns fully metal, another's a popsicle, one kid can't touch anyone without risking their life. Trust me, it's not because you freak them out. This isn't the kind of place where you'll be judged harshly for something so trivial." You say.

"Easy for you to say. You look normal. All of them can look normal."

"Looks are deceiving."

"Not mine." He shakes his head.

"No? Well I happen to like the way you look." You shrug.

"What?" His eyes widen in surprise.

"I think it's cool. You were born this way so as far as I'm concerned it is normal. Plus who wants to be normal when you can be awesome? Or gifted as Charles calls the kids."

"You think it's cool?" Kurt seems skeptical.

"Well yeah. Do you not?"

"I-"

"Professor y/n?!" You look over your shoulder and down at the sound of your name being called.

"Oh, hey Margot." You say to one of the students.

"Why are you up there?" She asks.

"Talking to Mr. Wagner." You say.

"Who?"

"Walk like- 2 feet forward for me." You tell her. She walks forward and looks up again, Kurt now in her line of sight. He flashes an awkward smile at her.

"Who are you?" She says.

"That's Mr. Wagner." You say.

"Oh. Well hi." She waves at him.

"Hello." Kurt says.

"Why are you on the ceiling?"

"Just- hanging around." Kurt says.

"You two are weird." Margot says.

"Weren't you going somewhere Margot?" You roll your eyes.

"Just to get lunch." She shrugs.

"You go do that then."

"Okay, fine." She continues down the hall.

"Kurt, come down with me. You live here now, you have no reason to hide. Especially not the acne covered gremlins roaming the halls."

"Should you be speaking of students like that?" Kurt asks, eyebrows squeezing together.

"When trying to convice the new guy to stop crawling on the ceiling I think I'll give myself a pass this time." You shrug, holding a hand out to Kurt. He hesitantly takes it and you fly him off the ceiling.

"There. Isn't that better?" You smile.

"I- I feel exposed."

"This is your home. Treat it as such. And don't let anyone convince you otherwise." You offer.

"Thank you." He smiles, it's shy and small, barely showing his sharp teeth.

"Don't mention it. See ya around." You say walking away from him. You're barely down the hall when an arm reaches out and pulls you into one of the offices.

"What was that?" Logan crosses his arms.

"What was what?" You frown.

"You and Mr. Circus. You would barely speak to me when you first got here why are you already best friends with the new guy?"

"You're exaggerating. All I did was try to get him off the ceiling." You roll your eyes.

"Really? 'This is your home, don't let anyone convince you otherwise'?" Logan repeats your words to you.

"An objective fact and a piece of advice nosy." You scoff.

"It is probably the first nice thing you've done for someone that wasn't a student here. You know I have to investigate."

"You don't. You're just annoying. Don't you have another soul searching mission or something you can go on?"

"Trying to get rid of me dear? And here I thought we were friends." He shakes his head.

"I'm so sorry you had that impression. I'll try not to confuse you in the future."

"Harsh."

I'm gonna go now." You tell him and walk away.

You and Logan have an interesting relationship. You speak to him more than you do the others, but it's usually some form of bickering back and forth. Not in any sort of serious way, the others joke that you two are frenemies. You're still not sure why Logan is always extending an olive branch considering he's not even one of the chatty ones here but you recogonize the effort, and while you'll never tell him this you appreciate that he makes it clear you've got him in your corner.

~

You hear a knock on your office door and don't even turn your head away from your laptop as you address whoever is on the other side.

"Come in!" You call.

"It's Charles." He tells you before opening the door.

"What's up?" You ask.

"I wanted to talk to you about our new X-man."

"Kurt?" You frown.

"Mr. Wagner seems to have- taken a liking to you." Charles says with a nod.

"We've had like 2 conversations." You scoff.

"Even so. He seems most open to you."

"What's your point?"

"I'm sending you on a mission, and you'll be taking him with you."

"Get fucked. I'm not babysitting the new guy." You scoff.

"Don't be ridiculous he's an adult he doesn't need a babysitter." Charles shakes his head.

"So why are you sending us on this mission together like a pair of siblings being forced to include each other in our plans?" You ask.

"Do you see Kurt like a sibling?"

"That's not the point but no. This just feels like when my friends parents would insist they bring along their little brothers or sisters when we had plans."

"It's Kurt's first mission. I'd like him to go with someone he's comfortable with. To make it easier for him."

"You didn't do that for my first mission." You scoff.

"Yes I did. I sent Logan on that mission with you."

"I was not comfortable with Logan!"

"You weren't comfortable with anyone. Logan just seemed to have an afinity for you, I saw potential for a friendship between you both so I went off of that. You can grumble all you want but you're going. Here's your file. Kurt will receive one as well. You leave tomorrow." Charles places a file folder on your desk.

"Are we taking the jet?" You ask.

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're not going that far. Besides, Scott needs it." 

"Fine. I'll take one of his cars then." You say.

"He's not going to like that." Charles hums.

"Oh I know, that's the fun part." You shrug.

"You and Logan really are cut from the same cloth." Charles shakes his head and leaves your office.

"Don't say things like that Charles!" You call after him. He snorts and continues down the hall as you review the file he handed you. Looks like you'll be going on a mission. With the new guy. Great.

You toss your bag into the back seat, popping your gum as you slide into Scott's car. It's not like he's gonna be here to use it anyway.

"Do you get nervous before missions?" Kurt asks you as you start the car. You glance over at him for a moment and then put on your sunglasses as you pull out of the garage.

"No." You say.

"Oh." He says. After a couple of moments of silence you roll your eyes at your own inability to let it go.

"Are you nervous?" You ask him.

"A little bit. The circus is- very different from espionage."

"I'm sure you could apply those skills." You say.

"You really don't get nervous?"

"Nerves get you killed."

"That's bleak."

"That's what I was taught." You shrug.

"By the x-men?" He asks.

"Do they strike you as that type?"

"Well- no but I do not know anyone well."

"I was part of something else before this. They taught me nerves get you killed."

"And you still think that way?"

"Of course. It's never failed me." You shrug.

"That seems... grim."

"It works for me. Charles would probably have me tell you that it's perfectly normal to be nervous for your first mission and there's nothing to worry about. I'm gonna tell you that if at any point you freak during this mission stay out of the way and keep quiet." You tell him.

"It sounds like you expect me to do poorly."

"I don't expect anything but nerves get in the way. They make you freeze, I won't have you ruin this mission if you freeze."

"I won't freeze."

"Just covering my bases." You mutter. There's a long while where neither of you says anything but as you get closer to your destination you hear him quietly muttering.

"What're you doing?" You frown over at him.

"Praying." He says.

"Praying?" You almost can't believe your ears.

"Yes."

"Charles has one hell of a sense of humor." You snort.

"What do you mean?"

"Nothing Kurt." You hum. From that point you try to focus on drying, but your mind keeps wandering to the strange newcomer sitting beside you. He spends most of the drive going over the mission file and mumbling things to himself. You don't think they're more prayers but who's to say really. You know you certainly weren't shy about how often you prayed before. You wouldn't put it passed Charles to assume you and Kurt would bond over the religion thing but it's a bit ridiculous if he did seeing as your relationship with faith isn't exactly- a positive one.

It takes you 2 days to get to the location Charles gave you. Mostly because you didn't want to drive 16 hours straight. You drive til sundown and once it's dark you find the nearest safehouse and spend the night there, where Kurt continues to pray incessently. He prays before bed, before eating, he even prayed before stepping foot into the safehouse.

For some reason, you're surprised every time he does it. It's like you keep forgetting he's religous because it's been so long since you've been around someone so devout in their faith. And you're not sure who Charles thought was going to get the most out of pairing the two of you up honestly, there are X-men who are much more indifferent to religion than you are who probably wouldn't be so jarred by it all.

Still, you're nothing if not professional, and no amount of personal trauma will impede your mission here.

When you arrive at the final destination you almost want to laugh. A catholic school. If this Charles' idea of a joke you might have to seriously reconsider your choice to join the X-men. At this point you're certain the egghead is putting you through some weird trials. You pop a piece of gum into your mouth and cut the engine.

"You wanna pray before we go in there?" You ask Kurt.

"What?" He blinks at you.

"You've prayed like a dozen times in the last two days." You shrug.

"Well yes but I thought you wouldn't-"

"I don't care. If it'll keep you from being nervous do it."

"Should we even be going into a place like this?" Kurt frowns.

"The school's been shut down for years." You scoff.

"It's still a house of the lord though, isn't it?"

"If His people aren't using it I don't think it counts. Besides, we shouldn't have to disturb any of it significantly anyway. We're just looking into a whatever energy Charles was picking up on." You shrug pushing open the car door. Kurt quickly mumbles the lord's prayer to himself and follows your lead, scrambling out of the car.

"You gonna chill out now Wagner?" You ask him.

"I will try." He nods.

"Good enough. Recite that lord's prayer again if it helps I guess. Just- in your head next time." You say walking towards the building. Kurt follows you inside and the two of you scan the building for anything that might have raised flags with Charles. Eventually you turn down a hall and hear a thud behind you. When you spin around and realize Kurt isn't there you whip back around the corner to find him dazed and darting through the hallway.

"Kurt!"

"Something- someone attacked me!" Kurt tells you. Ah, a mutant must've been hiding here. You feel a breeze blow by you and realize the mutant must be a speedster.

"Kurt wait don't-"

He catches the mutant before you can stop him, but you do intervene with a hand around his wrist when it seems like he's going to hit them. Pinned underneath Kurt is a mutant that looks to be about 15, huffing real hard.

"It's just a kid." You say. You grab the kid's arm and motion for Kurt to let him up. Hesitantly he does and you keep your grip tight around the youngster's forearm as he rises from the ground. "Yo kid, what're you doin creeping around this school like a ghost haunting the place,?" You ask. The kids tries to wresting away from you unsuccessfully.

"How did you even find me?"

"That's kind of what we do."

"Traitors!" He snaps.

"What?" You're sure the look of confusion on your face is severe.

"How do you sleep at night turning against your own kind? Taking mutants to the government."

"Oh hush." You roll your eyes. "We're X-men not cops. But on paper I'm a professor at a school for 'gifted youngseters'- or mutants. Like you. We track down and house young mutants, teach them how to make the most of their abilities." You tell him.

"Oh-"

"You got a bag? Photos of your dead family, childhood momentos, a sack of clothes, anything you don't wanna leave here before we take you."

"Take me where?" 

"To the school kid, congrats on your admission." You say.

"I've got a backpack."

"Good. Lead the way." You don't let go of him, in case he gets flighty on you but he without protest takes you to the classroom holding his personal items and soon you're in the car again with him silently in the back seat.

"You got a name speedster?"

"Matt."

"I'm y/n, this is Kurt." You offer.

You drive a few hours until you hit a safehouse and Kurt stays up watching Matt while you catch some sleep before hitting the road again. You decide to tough it out and do the 10 hour drive without another overnight stop. You stop for food, you stop for gas, you stop for restroom breaks if necessary but you wanna make it back to the mansion, the sooner the better.

Once there, you and Matt set out to find Charles, get the kid officially set up and whatnot. But as soon as Kurt's out of sight Matt asks a question out of nowhere.

"What's up with you and that blue guy?"

"His name is Kurt kid don't be rude." You say.

"Okay, what's up with you and Kurt?"

"What are you talking about?"

"He looks at you like nothing else has ever mattered in the world when you're near him."

"You're being ridiculous." You roll your eyes.

"You're being oblivious."

"Watch it kid." You warn him.

"Not sure if you really don't notice it or if you're deliberately ignoring it but the guy definitely likes you. How can you not tell?"

"I barely know him."

"Then why do you look at him like that?"

"Like what?"

"Like you wanna put him in a box and keep him like a pet."

"We're here. Charles! I found your funny feeling." You say pushing open the door to his office.

"Hello y/n."

"This is Max. We need to talk about the missions you're sending me on."

"You were successful. And in a shorter timeframe than expected. I see no reason to make changes." Charles says.

"I'm not gonna argue with you in front of the kid. We'll discuss it later." You say and leave the office. You head to the kitchen to make yourself a something to drink and a snack. It's been an exhausting few days.

You open the fridge, looking for something to snack on.

"You don't like me, do you?" Kurt's voice takes you by surprise, you swear the kitchen was empty when you came in here.

"Fucking- where the hell did you come from?"

"Just- around."

"Oh great what an enlightening answer. What are you even talking about?"

"You don't like me." Kurt says. It's not a question.

"How'd you come to that conclusion?" You sigh.

"You were grumpy during that whole mission."

"Not because of you I was pissed at Charles."

"Because he made you work with me?"

"Yes! Is that what you wanna hear? I was mad Charles paired me with someone I can't stand. Does that not sound insane to you Kurt? Obviously that's not it. The whole mission made me uncomfortable and I felt like it was... targeted. Like Charles was picking on me or something."

"Why?" Kurt tilt's his head curiously.

"You're very religous and my relationship with that religion is pretty rough. On top of the fucking catholic school it was- a lot."

"Ah so- you don't believe in God?"

"I don't believe in Christianity." You say.

"But you believe in God?"

"I believe in many gods."

"How can you...?"

"I believe all of them exist, because religion is based in belief- faith is the belief of something without proof of existence, by definition if believing in something makes it true then all the pantheons exist- but each person is only influenced by the pantheon they believe in."

"What an insightful line of thinking." He hums. "So you don't hate me?"

"No. I have complicated feelings around religion not you."

"What are your feelings around me?"

"You're new. I don't know you well but you seem very sweet, and there's obviously a reason everyone else wanted you to stick around in the first place so that's good enough for me." You shrug.

"What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Well- do you want me to stick around?" He asks.

You let out a sigh.

"I want you to do what makes you happy. If staying here, being part of this, doing what we do, makes you happy then yeah, stick around. But, you have to stop caring about if people like you. Not everyone will and that has to be okay because sometimes personalities just don't mix and nothing you do or say will change that and you shouldn't spend your time trying to make yourself change for them anyway. You should want people that like you for you because if you have to change then they don't like you they like what they can turn you into and that's not worth the stress. Not everyone will like you it's not a personal failure on you. Just make sure you like you."

"I agree with you, and I don't need everyone to like me." He says.

Kurt steps closer to you.

"But I do want you to like me. And if that takes a while, I'm willing to work to make that happen." He leaves the kitchen then and you're only barely able to keep a straight face until he's gone. You're stunned by his admission but your lips slowly stretch into a smile.

"Fuck me." You chuckle.

Why on earth does he want you to like him? And what made him say that just now? And what does it mean? And how are you supposed to deal with the fact that your heart is racing right now?

Things are about to get very different for you around the mansion.

***

[chevelleneech]

If Buddie happens, Buck being Eddie’s first and last is the only real outcome.

This is long, but if you read it, hopefully it makes sense.

Was reading a fic that made me think about the angst sure to come from Buck not wanting to date Eddie right away, because he’ll be afraid of what Tommy said, regarding someone’s first queer partner typically not being their last.

That has to come back around and mess with Buck, otherwise it was a cheap way to break them up given all the other reasons that would have made more sense. As such, if Buddie is the plan, that has to be part of the initial conflict keeping them apart.

However, I would also hope the story between them is resolved in a way that doesn’t paint Buck and Eddie’s individual queer discoveries with the same sort of brush strokes. Thus far, Buck kissed and man and was like, “Yeah, that makes sense. I’m a boy, girl, and everybody in between kisser.” Whereas Eddie is seemingly going to go through an experience where he either rediscovers his sexuality once he starts letting himself remember what it’s like to not be repressed, or he’ll be hit in the face with it and realize why he’s been so unhappy for so long. Either one is good.

What I’m looking for in terms of them getting together, if it happens, is Eddie getting to decide if Buck is his first and/or last. Because we know Buck will not want to ruin their friendship and be caught up in letting Eddie be happy and explore this new side of himself even though Buck never got to explore. (Unless they finally let him in 8x07 and 8x08). But, I’m getting g long winded. What I’m trying to say is, I would like to see Eddie decide exploration isn’t what he wants, instead of having it sort of pushed on him due to Buck’s insecurities.

I’d like to see Eddie understand his new sexuality, discuss it with Hen or Bobby or whomever he trusts, I’d even like to see him talk to someone in his family and ask them if they knew or had any inclination at all, because we didn’t get that with Buck. They kind of just took what we as a fandom theorized and made it canon. “Buck is bi and it’s been obvious to everyone.” So Hen jokes about it and no one is even slightly curious as to when he made this discovery of self, except Maddie because… because. She joked about him liking men, but sure, she’s the one who didn’t except it.

Anyway, point is, I’d like to see Eddie be proactive about it. Try to figure out if he was the only one who didn’t know that he liked men. And I would like to see that lead to him deciding he doesn’t need a first queer experience partner to guide him, because Eddie has been through serious relationship before, and also grew up much faster than Buck had to in that regard.

Eddie had to become a father and a husband (at least emotionally, because he wasn’t exactly present as either for very long early on) at 18 years old. So he knows what it’s like to settle down and move in and work to pay bills and compromise (sort of) with someone and see their flaws and all that. He super sped through that part of adulthood before he was old enough to really understand it. Then he experienced the death of his wife, and the fallout that took years. He also got into two serious relationships after Shannon, one of which led him to a panic attack and breakup at the thought of marriage, while the other almost saw him moving in with a woman, only for him to panic again and do a thing that cost him his son’s trust.

So Eddie has only ever had pretty serious relationships throughout his adulthood, while Buck has only really had one. Two if we count Abby, because she was a huge stepping stone to him growing up and changing himself for the better, but to me, their relationship was also not a relationship. He and Abby were on two completely different wavelengths, in the sense that Abby was seeking comfort and companionship as her mother died, while Buck was trying to prove he could be a one-woman man. So it was serious in the sense that it helped them both find new paths, but it wasn’t leading anywhere, making it an extended fling essentially.

Ally could sort of be a serious relationship, but I personally tend to forget Buck dated her because she was brought in to replace Abby, and that’s it. They wanted the heartthrob of the show to be dating someone, so they gave him a random girlfriend who they sent packing as soon as they cast someone who could stick around for a while, leading us to Taylor. Buck’s actual first serious girlfriend, who was also his longest relationship to date. They went through many ups and downs and learned things from each other, and helped Buck move into a more mature place as an adult. A place where Eddie already exists.

Where Tommy is concerned, he helped Buck through the discovery of his sexuality, but they had nothing in common and weren’t really compatible. So while I do standby my dislike of how their breakup was written, because there was no potential heartbreak to be had since they barely liked each other beyond physical and Buck wanting to make a new thing work… Tommy wasn’t wrong, I guess. There was nothing between them to keep them together long term, because they’d made it six months and were basically still strangers. Meaning Buck was going to settle in and realize he hadn’t explored and researched and did all the things that make Buck, Buck as he figured himself out. Therefore, them breaking up had to happen.

With Buddie, if they go there and Eddie is Buck’s second queer relationship, it’ll work because they have an established relationship already. He knows who Eddie is to him emotionally. He knows Eddie’s likes and dislikes, and they connect. They even work well in raising a child together. On the other hand, if Buck is Eddie’s first queer relationship, it’ll work because Eddie (at least in my mind) isn’t looking for a man to show him the ropes. He’s experienced all the relationship ups and downs he could ever need, and is likely looking for ease. Something and someone that makes sense and clicks, and doesn’t give him any anxiety or bring with them any uncertainty.

This was a really long round about way of saying: Buck dated Tommy because he is constantly afraid of being left alone with his thoughts. He needs people to see the good in him and stay with him to believe he’s loved/liked. Whereas Eddie is able to sit with his thoughts, because he doesn’t like letting people in. He needs people to see him from an outside perspective to believe he’s okay and isn’t burdening anyone. If they date, Buck will finally have found a partner who stuck around for years, simply because he likes Buck as a person. He is genuinely interested in who Buck is. While at the same time, Eddie will have finally found someone who doesn’t allow him to bury himself beneath his own lies. Someone willing to do the work to pull him out of his own head.

So Buck’s One has to be someone who has always been there, and whom he knows won’t leave because they had more than enough opportunity to do so, yet haven’t. Whereas Eddie’s One has to be someone who sort of forcibly stays, despite all the chances he gives them to leave. He doesn’t need a first boyfriend to breeze in and out, because that will send him spiraling into believing his sexuality is an issue. Buck won’t spiral for that reason, because he kind of doesn’t give a fuck what his sexuality is. He wants to be loved, while Eddie wants to be accepted, and they offer that to each other.

[sortasirius]

"Confessions" and the Beginning

Hello fellow clowns, genuinely fucking unbelievable episode amiright?

FIRST OF ALL, welcome back Bobby's hot priest, missed u bitch.

I really did miss just like regular calls last season, it's nice just to have a random silly one to start an episode.

GIRL I MISS CHRIS AS MUCH AS EDDIE DOES RELEASE HIM FROM HELENA DIAZ'S CLUTCHES!!!!

This man is going through the most insane confessions of his life. First Bobby saying he's a murderer and now Eddie saying that his son caught him with his dead mother like give this man a break lmao.

"I don't deserve forgiveness, I gotta go."

And this is the beginning of Eddie's thesis: what he deserves. More importantly, what he thinks he deserves.

Buck is literally like the most awkward man alive. He has zero game I love him sm.

Bitch. ABBY???? FUCKING ABBY?????? SHE IS BUCK'S SHANNON, CONSTANTLY HAUNTING THE NARRATIVE.

"I wonder how many men she turned gay" Maddie is Abby's number 1 hater (besides Eddie lmao)

"Unless there's another boy" JOSH PLEASE!!!!!

The Glee reference Tim Minear you will pay for your crimes lmao

It's interesting that he didn't even seem to consider taking the next step with Tommy until Josh brought it up. Also really interesting how he ends up framing their conversation later, like it's more of an "honoring Tommy" thing than a "I really want to move in with you" thing. Now this could just be awkward scripting or awkward (no game) Buck, but I think it's worth mentioning.

I just love Chim and Maddie so much they are my true north always.

Eddie's tank top? Yeah make that an everyday look for him good lord.

"I'm straight" YEAH SURE JAN WHATEVER YOU FUCKING SAY.

He's punishing himself by not choosing the juice because he doesn't think he deserves it, because he doesn't think he's allowed to take it... He is the obstacle in his own joy. What is that joy? What is he standing in his own way of?

"Because the LAFD doesn't allow beards."

"So it's a disguise?"

"Something like that."

SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!!! HELLO?????

"What are you afraid of seeing when you look in the mirror?"

"A failure. Someone that doesn't deserve forgiveness. Or joy."

I'm literally beating my fists on the ground. It's textbook. Fucking textbook. He's hiding from himself, hiding himself from himself, hiding from his joy.

Nothing like 911 to give you the most insane gutwrenching side plot of all time when I tell you I was SOBBING over those two brothers. (To be fair it's been an extremely hard week).

"I'm the himbo" HE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!!!!!

Look let me just get this out of the way: I really loved bucktommy. I liked their dynamic and I liked what he was able to teach Buck about himself, but I think Tommy is ultimately right: he can see the writing on the wall, just in the same way he said "my attention?" in 7x04. He was Buck's first queer relationship, but he will not be his last. And I think Tommy has an idea who his last will be, even if he kept that part to himself.

I do think it was kind of an insane speedrun at the end there, I'm not sure why he couldn't just ask Buck to pump the brakes instead of fully breaking up with him.

It's also just a complete manifestation of Buck's greatest fear: abandonment. Abandoned by his parents, abandoned (through no fault of her own) by Maddie, abandoned by Abby, by Taylor, and now by Tommy. It sucks for him, and I hate it for him and for Tommy, who also doesn't seem to think he can have good things, and would rather beat Buck to the punch than actually take the risk and be vulnerable.

I think that this was a good learning experience for them both, and I think they'll both be better for it in the long run.

"I'll see you around, Buck" killed my ass.

MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY MADNEY BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And lastly, Eddie shaving off the mustache, his barrier from joy, and dancing around his house in his underwear. Finding the joy in being himself, finding the joy in his life again. And Buck knocking on the door, not asking any questions, and them sitting together on the couch, shoulder to shoulder each of their respective "barriers" gone.

They have some things to figure out, but we are so close that I can taste it, I can feel it.

I haven't felt this way since the last season of SPN, and while that didn't turn out the way I wanted (due to network and Robert Singer's meddling), I am confident that that is not where we're heading here. Tim Minear is back. The show is on the Shonda network. Buck is out and Eddie is on his way there. Gay Eddie. Buddie endgame. It's happening, and nothing will get me out of this clown car.

[deeplyobsessed]

ok so i’m gonna ramble in sections

section 1: cgi moustache

FUCKING HILARIOUS like it was so bad it was funny HELP also buck’s hair was season 8 hair too it’s so funny like WHY did they reuse this HAHA

section 2: confession part 1

as short of a scene as it was, this was really nicely shot imo. and the tears in eddie’s eyes when he spoke like RYAN GUZMAN UR SO GOOD. but also how does buck (best friend) rank about girlfriend like hmmmmmmm

section 3: FUCKING ABBY

I CLOCKED IT I KNEW IT i know we always joke about 911 having continuity issues but THIS was such a good way to call back season 1 like insane writing tim minear and i love u for it

section 4: the divorce call

i wish they did more with this call like there was potential to call back to eddie/shannon but they didn’t. other than that i think honestly this is one of the grossest calls they’ve ever been on like genuinely icked the hell out of me with the guts like ugh gross

section 5: josh’s speech

as much as people hate on tommy, i do think josh’s explanation of things does give some sort of context to the way tommy acted in the past. like yeah racism and sexism is bad don’t get me wrong, but tommy did make an effort to change. it’s just that with society and his own work place back then, tommy prob had a lot of internalised homophobia that he expressed negatively outward to others (chim and hen in particular). but josh made a very good point with his speech about pre glee and post glee world (great reference, 10/10) and i think this was one of my favourite parts of this episode

section 6: confession part 2

ok first of all there was literally NO NEED to add that “im straight” “im celibate” part. like that was intentionally written into the script for something bcos that entire section could have been done without the sexuality mention. tim minear i see you. other than that FATHER BRIAN YOU ARE SPEAKING FACTS. my fav line he said was “but we can’t take care of others if we don’t first take care of ourselves”. bcos this is true!! and also a line used in therapy a lot cough. anyway i think the conversation eddie had with the priest was like a wake up call to eddie to start getting his head out of his ass and start working towards something. love this scene 10/10

section 7: brothers and pipes

most of this call was focused on the brothers part more than the well scene call back, tho there was a throw away line from bobby to eddie about how (eddie) wouldn’t fit this time. i do wonder if this happened irl would fire departments legally be authorised to allow children to help with rescues tho. otherwise honestly this was a very cute scene that helped chim get some introspection. i do wish there was more of a well scene call back tho :(

section 8: buck tommy breakup

as a buddie fan, i am overjoyed. but as a buck fan, i am devastated. tommy is actually one of my favourite love interests for buck, and its not just because he’s a dude and sexual awakening all that. i genuinely do think buck and tommy could have had a lot of potential if the show had decided to go through with it, but at the same time ending it here was also a relatively good note. i think in this relationship it wasn’t actually buck who wasn’t ready, it was tommy. tommy is afraid of things not working out in the long run bcos he doesn’t believe in buck’s affection for him being long term. this whole breakup was bcos tommy wasn’t ready imo. i do see the point tommy was trying to make but i also think it was a bit of a dick move to do the whole breakup immediately after buck asked tommy to move in with him. like the timing could have been better tommy. tommy being the one who decided to end things did surprise me tho. but now i feel really sad for buck bcos buck did like tommy a lot, and also as a queer person your first queer relationship is always going to mean a lot to you

section 9: MADNEY MADNEY MADNEY

HOLY MOTHER OF- i didn’t see this coming i didn’t but i am so here for it. the amount of trust and communication between chim and maddie is literal relationship GOALS like they lay out the boundaries and have healthy discussions about having another kid and it’s just so UGHHHH I LOVE YOU also maddie already being pregnant FJSJCKSK MORE BABIES

section 10: eddie, the moustache, and the dance

this. was. everything. the significance of shaving off the moustache. the dancing at the end?? no pants too was a choice. like when eddie flops back onto the couch and you see his smile, it’s like you truly see him deciding to finally forgive himself. maybe not completely, because there’s always going to be some guilt he carries around, but he’s moving forward and i’m so, so happy for him. it’s just a fun goofy feel good scene and i love love love this.

special mention: buddie and the couch

i actually think this is the first time both of them are on the couch together. like sitting next to each other with no one else. RETURN OF THE COUCH THEORY WELCOME BACK. ok but the ending scene?? the way they don’t even need words to communicate like- buck not even bothering to question why eddie doesn’t have pants, and eddie not even questioning why buck is here with beer in the first place. the level of mutual understanding has my HEART IN PIECES

overall this is honestly my fav ep this season and one of my fav eps of all time. i can’t wait to see how the story moves on from here ahhhhhhh

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Go with me here - I have thoughts!

So I’ve been thinking about this since we got the stills, of both Buck and tommy at the loft, but also the divorcing couple, but then the quote from Tim got me feeling more convinced than ever!

Tim has revealed quite a lot in this quote - it confirms that whatever it is is about Tommy and about the BuckTommy relationship - its not about other outside things - there are only a couple of things that that could mean.

I don’t think it’s going to be about Abby - but I do think she is relevant! I’m very much still sticking with my theory that Tommy is an alt version of Buck and things are feeling more and more like this is in fact the case. See if Tommy is alt Buck then we have some very interesting parallels and contrasts to explore, especially around the part of my theory that BuckTommy is a reversion of the BuckAbby relationship - only this time, Buck is in the same place as Abby - so the one who wants out of the relationship whilst not knowing how to actually end said relationship.

Buck and Abbys relationship was Bucks entry level relationship into the concept of actually dating and being with someone - not just for sex - but for them as a whole person. Tommy has been described by Tim in the same way - as an entry level queer relationship for Buck. Buck is the main character here, so he needs to show growth and development - so putting him into the same place Abby was - having him figure out how to end things on his own terms - talking to his family and actually recognising what it is he wants - showing us that on screen -that would be a good thing.

Say we get a inadvertent confession from Tommy early on in the episode - where Tommy implies that he was interested in Eddie first - pursuing Eddie before he switched to Buck - just as a throw away comment that can be read in multiple ways, but is enough to send Buck spiralling and seeking the advice of Bobby and of Maddie and Josh - everything then ‘becomes clear’ later on towards the end of the episode when Tommy fully reveals and confirms that he was into Eddie not Buck. It makes complete sense to play it in parallel to Buck Abby - it’s the way it creates a spiral that allows Buck to avoid Tommy for a short period so that he doesn’t have to start thinking about his own feelings at the start of their relationship - he doesn’t have to confront the fact that he might’ve got things wrong and that it wasn’t Tommy he was feelings things for - he was threatened by Tommy - because he posed a threat to Bucks relationship with Eddie - and if that is the case then Buck has to face up to the reality of his feelings for Eddie - that they are not actually platonic.

Ultimately Buck will realise he’s got to end things with Tommy and give himself the space to work out the Eddie of it all - that it’s not fair to be in a relationship he can’t fully give himself to. It gives him the closure he never really got from Abby when she left him and gives him a large amount of growth and it also gives us pining Buck as we head into Hiatus and when we start 8b.

I’m not just pulling this out of thin air either - there are a few things that back up my theory from a costume and set perspective - and from a script and directorial perspective too.

Firstly we have divorcing couple storyline - a man quite literally spilling his guts - a man who it seems from the episode blurb, doesn’t want a divorce. He is wearing a plaid check suit jacket - which mirrors the plaid we have seen Tommy wearing so far this season - and ties into the suit jacket at the end of Episode 5. The ex wife is wearing yellow and blue - the Buck and Eddie colours (see mine or @lover-of-mine ‘s many metas on the subject of blue and yellow and Buck and Eddie!) the set of that scene is also heavily yellow blue coded - the painting on the wall especially.

Then we have the fact that Tommy has been located in the exact same place as Eddie was in the coming out scene from 705 - and wearing Black - I think its really really ket that we note this fact - mirroring that scene is a very loud directorial, set and costuming choice. Tommy is meant to mirror Eddie from that 705 scene - Eddie is making his own confessions in that scene - he is basically figuring out how to break up with Marisol because he didn’t know this big thing about her (and that big thing is hitting a bit too close to home for Eddie) and we get a whole thing about buck and tommy having the right idea - to just hang out with the boys etc. Eddie basically reverts on his plans to end things with Marisol when Buck makes his own confession.

So we have a scene about confessions in an episode called confessions paralleling a scene about confessions in an episode called you don’t know me - that is a choice - a very intentional one. Plus there is the fact that Tommy is sat in Eddie’s seat saying he thought Eddie was gay would be really great paralleling to Eddie taking Bucks coming out to mean for him to fix things with Marisol because Buck had become available and unavailable to Eddie. Eddie now has the knowledge that Buck was an option, but that he’s not available as an option. So a Tommy confession that plays into the buddie of it all both helps the queer Eddie arc along as well as driving Bucks arc forward - creating a big enough hurdle for Buck to chose to end the relationship, but also a hurdle that the relationship could successfully navigate its way over if both parties wanted to.

The thing is - Bucks costume tells us all we need to know about which direction this will ultimately go in - he is wearing Blue in the scene with Eddie - the one time he actively chooses to come out to someone (the fact its Eddie is telling all on its own) - and that specific blue is very heavily connected to Bucks journey in figuring himself out - who he is and what he wants in his life - its a colour very much tied to Eddie - he wears that shade of blue in Eddie heavy scenes - and tends to wear different shades of blue in connection with other characters (look at my s6 costume metas for more on the subject!) The fact that buck is in green for this upcoming Tommy scene is an indicator that the relationship is nearing its end - Buck wears green when relationships end - this bears out all the way back to season 1 - he is wearing a green plaid shirt at the airport when Abby leaves to go to Europe. Buck doesn’t wear green all that much and like I have said in a previous post - the darker greens are always connected to break ups. All this is showing us that Eddie is the right person and Tommy is the wrong one.

And then we have the lighting and the set. The lighting is starkly different - we. Have the warm yellows and low light levels of the Buck and Eddie scene from 705 while this Buck and tommy scene is brightly lit and the light is cool toned. This does two things - in the Buck Eddie scene it created intimacy and warmth - it allows the confessions from both of them to read as being important but ultimately changes little in their relationship - it remains intimate and warm - as the hug backs up. In contrast the Buck tommy scene illuminates everything - its not intimate - it is harsh and revealing - the lighting gives no place to hide and the cool tones play into the cooling of the relationship - it will be interesting to see if the direction of the scene also plays into this - the Buck Eddies scene we saw the distance between them narrow and end in the hug before Eddie departs. My expectation is that this Buck Tommy scene will either maintain a distance between them that doesn’t really close - or it will show the distance increasing between them as the scene progresses.

We have lots of threes in the set design for this Buck Tommy scene too - the three jars in front of Buck, there appears to be 3 baseball caps on the coat rack and we’re have the three coloured jackets on the coat rack as well.

The three jackets are basically the writing on the wall for the relationship. They are saying so much while they just hang out there behind Tommy in seemingly innocuous fashion. Their meaning becomes even louder now we know that Eddie is going to be in yellow this episode. Buck is the blue jacket and Tommy is the green one - they are together right now like those jackets are hung together, but the yellow jacket - on it s own on the other side of Tommys head is there waiting. The yellow jacket is Eddie. The green one is in between the yellow and blue - in the same way Tommy is in between Buck and Eddie .

Blue and green represent a break up in Buck terms and with the green jacket being the same colour as bucks shirt - it is saying that the break up is in Bucks hands and once it does, the yellow and blue will be there on separate pegs - but unimpeded by a relationship. The break up will move us one step closer to the yellow and blue joining together.

The bike being gone is also part of the symbolism - no more Buck without brakes - he can put a stop to things now - he has control.

One other things is that I’ve been parsing over the meaning of the plane emergency fro the opening 3 episodes - because the show always foreshadows all of the character arcs through the main opening emergency - if you look at all the opening disasters you will see that it echoes through the season for each character arc. The cruise disaster from s7 plays into each character arc perfectly - characters lives being turned upside down in some way - Eddie upending his life through his choices - the Kim of it all leading to Chris leaving. Buck’s life being turned on its head as he figures out he’s bi. Hen and Karens lives being altered through Mara coming into their family and then losing her because of Ortiz. Maddie and Chims wedding being knocked off course and turned upside down through Chim going missing because of the illness he develops. Bobby trying to retire and then the bathena house being burnt down. Athenas storyline with Harry - they are all arcs that play into the idea of being capsized.

So I’ve been contemplating how the plane emergency is relevant - and I know a lot more will become clear as the season unfolds, but right now we have some interesting things going on looking at it from the Buck and Eddie perspective. So we have the bike symbolism in connection with Buck - which plays into the loss of his bike from the wall, but there is the fact that he highjacks a bike in the opening disaster - buck is on someone else’s bike on an empty bit of road - symbolic of his relationship with tommy - he’s the only one in it but it’s not the right relationship - when he gets off that bike he can signpost Eddie in to land - the bike he gets off being a metaphor for tommy and the plane being one for Eddie.

The fact that Eddie is broken and unable to change direction at the moment - like the plane - and he’s looking for a place to try to land - him managing to land safely in the end is a bit of foreshadowing for buddie going canon - Buck will initially direct him to a landing spot but will also be there waiting for him when he does manage to land - in the place for bobby. It continues the Buddie parallels with bathena - Bobby there waiting for Athena in the same way buck will be waiting for Eddie.

Plus the Jem of it all works too - him being representative of Chris - so the idea that Chris coming back into Eddies life will help Eddie land his plane is pretty loud as well. That Chris will help lead Eddie to Buck - in some way. I keep thinking about the simulation game thing as well - something about Chris being with Helena and Ramon being like a simulation - its pretend and not the real thing - and it will cause him to crash - but he can walk away from it and when it comes down to it - to the real thing - he will step up and be successful in it. That Chris will be the one doing a bit of directing Eddie on how to heal and land the plane.

[cerealbishh]

blurry dylan and oyoyo bows(9.7.23)(x)

[scarlettmurphy]

STARCROSSED PT2 +ੈ✩‧₊˚ LOGAN HOWLETT.

logan and y/n — where you are completely in love with a man older then you’re father by a good century or so.. whose completely in love with another.

- content warning age gap (is legal) drinking. explicit. swearing. dirty humour. comfort (an ounce). drugs. nsfw. sick. body issues. sh. angst.. maybe happy endings?! pairings: older!logan howlett x xaiver!reader. logan howlett x jean grey.

spoiler: insane yearning and angst i’m sorry im too far gone ☹️ happy ? where.

note this is part two to starcrossed, prepare for even heavier angst!🫶🏻 i didn’t realise how sad this was until i finished the chapter and realised holy shit this is long. part three is already in the works. i hope u enjoy it! make sure to read pt1. it’s a bit diff from the first one but i hope u like it still. also if you’ve seen the movie ten things i hate about u the mid bit of this might remind u of that one scene if u get me :) song: need you now by lady a cos i was listening to it and jeff buckley whilst reading this? also on the timeline im going for like xmen 2 time i think?

tags — @faceache111 @malfoys-demigod @navs-bhat @dilfismz @thisbipuff-isaswiftie @twinky-wink @thewiselionessss @thecraziestcrayon @awhoreforalotofshows @emily-b @jae48 @cxptainbuck @444st4rg1rl 🫶🏻

[i hope you like it!!]

you’d absolutely love to believe that what you heard last night wasn’t what happened but as your mind goes over the previous night as you fought yourself to stay awake during your fathers little class your brain couldn’t forget the continuous moans and little yells that you heard from a few rooms across from your own at the mansion for a good hour or two last night. you can’t help but figure out that logan most certainly found jean and just thinking about it made you feel sick. scott being the main thing on your brain after you got over the fact logan most definitely fucked jean last night.

she was a cheater. what else could you expect? your thoughts swirling in your brain causing an indescribable amount of heart ache as you kept yourself completely quiet and withdrawn from whatever was going on in this lesson, rogue clearly being able to tell you were off as she glanced at bobby giving him a look you picked up on — him shrugging his shoulders in return as you cursed your sadness for being so obvious.

just the thought of jean and logan staring at eachother hurt you but her touching him, his hands over her skin, her lips on his, his mind only on her in that moment and his gaze locked into hers as she let him take her yet again enraged you to another level it was a struggle not to jump into his mind and find out exactly what happened but you couldn’t, you wouldn’t. your brain fighting with your heart in every way as you felt sick with all those pictures of the scenario you were forming for yourself.

so from that knowledge as you sat in class you knew you needed to stop liking him for good. he didn’t like you, he was throwing it in your face. you heard it all and it hurt you too much to bare. you didn’t even wanna look at him — that single thought of contact sending you crazy. you couldn’t even bring yourself to see him today. you didn’t want too, you couldn’t. seeing jean as you passed through the kitchen earlier was enough to make you nearly cry and immediately stop that tiny breakfast you had made.

you really couldn’t deal with this. one bit. you never did well with emotional pain — physical was something you could endure, yet emotional was always something you couldn’t stomach ever since you were a little girl.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

you'd been avoiding him like the plague. literally. whenever you saw him at the end of the halls you'd turn the other away, force a little smile and act like you had somewhere to go if you were in conversation and it had been like that for two weeks. two weeks had passed since one of your normal conversations, the friendly chats you admired in your brain and made out to be more, the little touches he'd give you that you couldn't comprehend was only a friend thing to do, the way he'd hug you.. the deep conversations, the way he'd sometimes kiss your forehead before you left for bed, watching the rain together and just joking together all something you had put in the past. that had been gone for two weeks and to say it was breaking you would be an understatement.

you could tell others has noticed the practical borderline dissociation within you since you had been a little mute recently not that it was specially due to logan (it completely all was) but you didn't want it to be obvious, you hated that it could be perceived that way so you knew you had to do something about it. who knew heartache for one that didn't love you back could destroy you this badly from the inside out?

.. and today was no different on the logan front. you saw him once today in the halls ushering something to hank — the two in bustling conversation and you made sure not to risk it by going to class, to upset over it all to deal with another short horrible conversation where you were nothing but cold to him as you tried to cut down any romantic feelings you had for him. every time you spoke now you could see the confusion and frustration in his eyes, the mental image to much to bare as you went on hiding in your room and pondering and that’s where you had been since — buried in clothing choices as you tried to stomach down the anxiety that had been growing in you over the fact it was jeans birthday party today and you would have to make an appearance after you had been a hermit since you’d got your heart broken by a guy that didn’t even know. rogue and bobby being the only two people you had really spoke too since the shut down yet their concern had been growing annoying as rogue clearly told bobby about the little crush she could’ve guessed, and got out of you when the two of you were high together a few months ago, you had on logan. bobby actually giving you little options of guys you could date to get over someone which was all you needed to hear when you realised rogue had told him as he literally mentioned hank who they knew you recently hiked with since he had been bothering you over your melancholy, yet you had left before it was a full fledge little argument.

just the thought of having to socialise with him and the others and step out of the hole you’d built for yourself to hide in irritated you especially for jean of all people’s party, your ‘smidge’ of hatred for the woman who had really been rude to you since she’d known you not because of logan, because god on that front she wins and it feels like she’s married to him despite her ties to scott, but on the power front. she knew you had powers incomparable to hers that you hardly even showcased magneto being someone who taught you many things when you were younger, your own parents being raven and charles. of course you had powers which were indescribable.

and most of the time you wanted to use it on that bitch. you were lucky she couldn’t get into your twisted mind to find that fact out.

you let out a little sigh as you decided on the black mini skirt and sweater — you finally having an excuse for the fall outfit and lack of dress because it was october which has always been your favourite season and best time of year yet this year that didn’t apply because you haven’t been hardly able to enjoy it because of isolation you’d forced yourself into.

y/n had to swallow her own self pity down as she leaned over to her perfume bottle on the drawer next to her mirror as she took in the image of her body in the skirt. her shrinking body, a scoff leaving her lips as she wasn’t happy with what she saw in the reflection. she never could be. the aroma of the perfume not masking her feelings at all as she put on some dc martens paired with black tights. the perfect little outfit yet she was sure jean would be outshining her on that front. god she didn’t even wanna imagine logan’s eyes being locked onto jean tonight, the heart ache already unbearable to comprehend as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat. that aching feeling hadn’t gone away since the start of knowing logan the way she did, maybe that was a sign from the people above about how destined it was.. or how not it was.

these muddled thoughts led her too some early drinking as if she wouldn’t be getting shitfaced later. pregaming alone which is a bit self pity full as she swallowed the burning liquor down her throat, the whiskey hitting her softly and slowly enough to give her the confidence to leave her room twenty minutes later for this party.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

the decorations were perfect, the present corner was overflowing and the students and people were everywhere. jean being clearly the popular girl from the looks of this party, as if y/n already didn’t know that, as the blasting music just made her more aware of the scenario she was in as she fought the urge to look around the room for logan as she went straight over to the bar that had been made. the party was the perfect one a girl, woman, could ask for and y/n could feel the jealously bubbling already that she bit down as she forced a friendly smile to join her lips.

walking through the dancing groups of people, there hardly even being any spaces to walk unless you wanted to bump into a coked up or insanely drunk teenager or wade. who she was lucky to get past without having to talk to yet, no matter how much she did like and enjoy his company she couldn’t deal with his jokes right now which she could guess who’d they’d be centered around, she knew he knew to some extent she was just lucky he hadn’t out rightly said it. that would be too much pity for her to deal with, that coming from wade being another level of pathetic.

the second she leant against the bar she managed to grab the busy barmaids attention giving her a soft nod and polite smile as she didn’t notice the figure beside her as she asked for a coke and vodka.

“thank god you’re showing your face — i thought i was going to have to clone you to get a good conversation.” hank rolled out his tipsiness showing as he pulled y/n into a tight hug when he was sat down on the stool. y/n letting out a low chuckle as she hugged him back nicely, his presence being a little surprise she tried not to seem so bothered about.

“hiya hank.” y/n said softly as the barmaid came over with her drink, placing it next to her. “thanks.” y/n nodded out as hank placed his hand on the stool next to him as she immediately grabbed it and took a swig.

“come! sit.” he ushered in with a drunken smile on his face, a bright one as usual, as he patted the bar stool next to him inviting her to sit and before y/n could even speak up in reply as she slid down on the stool hank bit in.

“where the hell have you been?” he abruptly said bluntly, putting a little look on his face off one that’s pissed off as y/n felt the guilt rush through her as she wrapped her fingers around the glass drowning her truth in the drink as she took a big sip off the liquor acting as if that didn’t taste appalling as she shrugged her shoulders at hanks obvious question which has an obvious answer to that she’d play off as a stupid claim if questioned about it.

“—i’ve been busy! controlling powers— small missions, and that.” y/n lied out.

hank furrowed his eyebrows at his words, giving her a knowing look before he shook his head swiftly at what she said. seeing right through her little lie he truly knew nothing much about what the truth was or not as he took a little sip of his beer.

“i know you but i’m not pushing it— rather you bite of logan’s heads rather then mine.” hank said out lowly as y/n’s eyebrows furrowed at his comment as a look of confusion spread over her face at the mention of him but before she could question hank on it she was met with two hands around her waist, pulling her tightly back purposely.

“hello pretty little liars, you’re aria?” wade said loudly into her ear his drunkenness obvious as y/n scoffed, him clearly stating that because her outfit choice as he squeezed her even tighter y/n’s eyes rolling as she elbowed him playfully back as his hands on her faltered as he playfully shoved her back.

“—elsa! you made it snow yet?” y/n said back to him as she was met with the sound of his laughter as he pulled on the stool next to y/n, making the guy who was sat on it mutter a curse before wade sent him a glare and then went speed walking away clearly a boy as young as fourteen or thirteen who just got the shit scared out him for, wade’s harsh look as he sqt down on the stool as he met y/n’s gaze.

“you know i have honey.” he nodded out with a smirk as hank leaned into the twos space.

“shots anyone?” hank rolled out, fixing his glasses as wade enthusiastically said a quick yes, y/n adding to the fire. “—very much needed.” y/n drove out as wade sent her a little look of knowing yet he held back the urge to call her out on it. he was being a ‘good’ friend in his eyes anyway, he didn’t wanna hear her say things about logan when he knew a few things himself on how the other party felt.

hank calling the barmaid over as wade pulled y/n’s stool closer to his that knowing look still present on his face as he played with the knowledge he had a bit just in a little playful way.

“you seen the birthday girl yet?..gave her a gift?” wade said sarcastically knowing the two didn’t really see eye to eye on a LOT of things as y/n gave him a little glare, him having been present for many of their little disagreements.

“luckily i haven’t, as i’ve brung nothing.” y/n rumbled back as wade nudged her playfully with her words as hank grabbed the tray of shots from the barmaid— y/n’s eyes widening once she saw how many shots he had ordered. “fifteen?” y/n broke out with a raised eyebrow as hank chuckled as he took one, downing it straight away before grabbing another as wade spoke up cockily.

“who’s pants are you trying to get into?” wade rolled out, his voice sly as he grabbed two for himself as y/n leaned over and took one ready to get shitfaced, maybe that’d stop her mind from falling back onto logan every other second her longing heart internally hating this situation more and more as she yearned to see him but she bit back the urge to even look around for him. halting that urge by taking a shot.

“preferably anyone with a pulse and no dick between their legs.” hank said right as y/n took another shot, her nearly choking on the burning liquid which was a horrible mix of vodka and god knows what.

“i can tuck.” wade said lowly as this made it worse, y/n nudging wade, shaking her head as she held back her laugh as she swallowed the shot she just took. “disgusting!” she rolled out as she took another, downing it before placing the shot down on the table.

“ah! sweeties jealous.” wade spoke up sarcastically with that all familiar cocky smile on his face with that teasing glint in his eyes as he handed another shot y/n’s way as she took it gracefully as they all cheersed their glasses together. that being just one of the about eight times they did that within the next thirty to sixty minutes as y/n bit back her thoughts with copious amounts of shots and soon enough they had gone through a good four or so tray off shots and a few drinks each.

every passing minute y/n felt her mind get closer and closer to the edge as every time she felt that aching feeling grow she’d swallow it back with another sip of liquor or large shot — wades jokes passing the time and hanks yapping and her own occasional drunken chime in making her mind a mess as hank got another row of shots.

the songs and wade and hank’s voices becoming a blur in y/n’s mind as she swallowed nothing but the truth with those shots. every sip feeling like more heartache she couldn’t stop having.

+ੈ✩‧₊˚

y/n was practically stuck too the bar stool, her eyes scanning the crowd occasionally (by occasionally around five times if not more a minute) as she looked for him. her mind lingering on a certain someone as it always tended to do the liquor just amplifying those feelings as hank spoke up.

“you know— you look like your mum.”

his words caused y/n’s attention to snap over to hank as she raised an eyebrow, wade making a little ‘oo’ in the background even if he couldn’t help but agree with his comment as he sipped on the cocktail he had ordered a few drinks previously that had just been laying there on the side. the bartender making a fuck ton of profit from these three miserables.

“very dead?” y/n said sarcastically as hank gave her a little look — clearly a little annoyed she didn’t take the comment seriously as he leaned a little closer to her.

“beautiful you idiot.” hank added out, his words making her eyebrows furrow a bit as she took in his drunken words as she gave him a little a smile — swallowing the depreciating joke she was close to making as she took a sip of her drink.

“thank you hank.” y/n nodded out calmly as wade butted in.

“—fucking hell, incoming for angry jacob twilight wannabe.” wade cursed out as y/n’s gaze moved over wade following his eyes to where he was looking, her heart feeling as if it was flipping and twisting in her chest as she watched logan walk into the bar games room as she furrowed her eyebrows at the sight of jean following him angrily. her looking perfect as ever.

yet before y/n could think another thought she locked eyes with logan from across the room — their eyes meeting as she felt a weight lift immediately onto her as she swallowed a lump that formed in her throat at just the sight of him. it felt as if time has frozen just as they looked to each other , his eyes taking everything about her in as she did the same his way.

he practically immediately walked over, more like stomped over, as he seemed clearly agitated. more then usual as his eyes dawned onto wade and hank before resting back to y/n as he stopped in his tracks in front of the seated three.

“who thought getting a teenager shitfaced was a good idea?” logan nearly growled out, giving wade a glare as y/n’s eyes lingered back on jean who saw who he was talking to and turned away her being even more pissed then him, y/n holding the urge to go into her mind and find out why as she brung her gaze onto logan after seeing jean walk off somewhere else in the room, her patience clearly wearing thin. her wanting to make a little childish comment about how she wasn’t when wade spoke up.

“gods probably.” wade rolled out in reply as logan scoffed at what he said.

“y/n.” logan said, her eyes meeting his own as she took in his appearance. her eyes lingering on the chain that was wrapped around his neck — one he told her was something jean gave him when he first became an xmen, something he hasn’t worn in months, this fact only making her feel a number of horrible thoughts as she grabbed her drink and took a mean swig. swallowing her own building self pity as she forced a fake smile logan immediately knew to be fake.

“hi.” she said swiftly after she put her drink back down on the table — his eyebrow raising a little at her hostility as he looked to wade, hank the back to her.

“uh—“ logan spoke up, trying to find the words to say as he looked at her a bit lost for words at how she was acting as he swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat — feeling his frustration rise as he tried to control it, “where have you been?” he said lowly, hank raising his eyebrow at how this little conversation seemed weirdly tension filled. wade knew why, he could’ve called her little feelings for him back when she first met the guy but now he couldn’t help see how serious it was because off the way she was looking at him and how it was affecting her.

he couldn’t even brung himself to but in as he buried himself in his drink. hank doing the same.

“i’ve been busy. but i’ve been around— i saw you two days ago.” she said quickly, shifting in her seat a little as his eyes almost felt as if they burnt through her.

“you didn’t stay,” he said taking a pause as he looked at her, taking in just how intoxicated she seemed as he tried to analyse it, “like you uh- normally, do.”

his words touched a nerve on y/n as she felt that all familiar heart ache grow y/n trying to act as if the feeling inside her wasn’t killing her right now and ripping her to shreds as she kept her gaze on him, his eyes on her making her think and feel a number of things she hated.

“—had somewhere to be.” she replied quickly, his eyebrows raising at her bluntness to her reply as he knew something was off. he sensed it, the drunkness only adding to his worry as he went to step closer when he was cut off by a voice behind him.

y/n eyes dawned on the sight off jean, a tight silver dress on showcasing her curves as her red hair flowed down by her side as she looked at logan who hadn’t even brung himself to met her gaze yet. y/n immediately being hit with a truck load of insecurities just with a glance to the older women who had the only guy she’d ever loved wrapped around her finger.

y/n’s heart feeling as if it was stepped on as she kept her gaze on him — time feeling a little slow motion.

“logan—now.” jean said harshly.

“lo- logan.” she said again, y/n not leaving logan’s gaze as he swallowed his own spit as he eventually brung his gaze over to jean.

“logan— he knows.” she said harshly, her words a little quiet as they were clearly just meant for logan’s ears yet y/n heard them. “now! come on?” she questioned out frustratedly, saying that to grip his attention as logan looked to jean then back to y/n, wade and hank watching like it was a drama.

the air felt thick with some sort of something as y/n swallows, her eyes on him as he bit down on the inside of his cheek.

“be careful kid, remember to slow down.” he rolled out before he turned away with jean going right to her side as y/n scoffed as he walked off turning her attention back to the barmaid — not feeling logan’s eyes burning back to her as he took a long glance her way before disappearing off with jean into the party to sort whatever was happening.

y/n rolled her eyes the second she turned her attention back over to the bar as she looked down at the bar table, swallowing her thoughts down with the rest of her vodka as she felt the others eyes on her. they sensed on the tension — it was impossible not too.

“so they’re fucking again.” hank commented lowly and cluelessly. his words being like a gut punch to y/n as she bit down on her tongue as she called back over the barmaid, leaning over and ordering a couple shots as she sat back down in her seat.

“mm, most definitely.. hell for scott.” wade ushered out lowly, feeling a sense of guilt as he saw the way y/n’s eyes fell as y/n tried to mute out their conversation in the background as she welcomed the shots with open arms as she pulled the tray closer to her as she heard wade and hank whisper behind her as they leant over to gossip about the rumours of jean and scott being over as y/n’s heart felt as if it was plummeting and beating as fast as it ever had with every shot she took. the information she was hearing just making her internal pain grow worse as she tried to drink it away every shot seemingly enhancing her hurt as the metal images she were getting hurt her brain as she felt the urge to do something about it.

her mind full of relentless unlimited thoughts that were screaming at her as she placed the last empty shot glass she had down — the shots helping limit the voices to some extent as the barmaid came over and refilled them without another word most likely sensing her anguish as y/n nodded to her with as much of a smile she could muster up as she thought back to the conversation with logan.

“we’re going to dance— you coming?” wade spoke to y/n as that brung her out her gaze with the bottom of the shot glass as she shook her head, “no—thanks,” she slurred out as hank gave her a small nod and pat on the shoulder before they disappeared of into the crowd leaving her alone after saying their be right backs— her lips immediately around another glass as she finished the rest of the drinks thay were laid out in front-of her.

y/n either needed fresh air and a sick bucket or the man she loved and craved, and she was going with the latter. her desires only heightened which was making just about everything worse due to the mess the alcohol had started to cause her brain and body.

her heart pounding as she stood up, everything going messy and spin like as she stumbled through the crowd. her mind on one thing and one thing only, one person, as she got pushed around a bit by the dancing people as she made her way out the bar room she was in. her eyes searching the place as she looked for him in every corner, in every face, every person, every laugh, every grunt and every noise. she was searching for him like she had been doing within her heart ever since she’d know the man.

yet what she didn’t expect to see when she turned the corner was him right there. logan right there in his bubble of perfection as she saw it. her eyes taking him in as she saw him in the hallway — a smile joining her lips as she started to walk over to him planning what she was going to say in her brain. how she was going to do any of this? she didn’t even know what she had planned, she just wanted to speak to him. she needed to see his smile. she missed it. she wanted to make him laugh like usual, she wanted to kiss him, feel his touch. she needed it, it was destroying her to not have him. why was she ignoring him for the past two weeks? she should just tell him. nothing bad could hap—

“mine.” she swore she could make out logan saying, her eyebrows furrowing in pure confusion as she took one little step closer to where he was as her eyes dawned on a certain red head with a killer smirk on her lips as she had a tight grip on his chain.

and with that every thought she just had was crushed within the space of five or so seconds as she heard jean’s light hearted chuckle next, her voice grating against y/n’s mind as she swallowed her own spit back down as she made sure she couldn’t be seen by them. feeling the sick feeling rising in her as she watched logan’s hands wrap around jean’s waist as she pulled him closer to her in a teasing action that broke y/n’s heart in two.

she was frozen in her tracks, watching as the one she loved was with the one he loved.

“you’re mine.” ringing in her ears as she just made out what he had said to jean as his words sent a chill through y/n’s body as she felt the tears start to boil in her eyes as she couldn’t tear her eyes away from the scene. her mouth fallen gap as she watched as he roughly had her against the door jean’s hand going down to the handle of said door as y/n watched as jean pulled him in the room with her roughly.

the door slamming behind them as she felt her beating out her chest, her breath shaky and hitched as she swallowed.

and when she heard a little squeal come from the room over the music a few seconds or minutes later, she couldn’t tell how long had passed, that’s when she knew she needed to go before she turned into a public laughing stock as she turned on her heel — shakily making her way through the crowd again, unbeknownst to the tears dropping down her cheeks as she fought her way through the dancing crowd as she tried to get the hell out of here as she thought she was fighting back her emotions, yet she really wasn’t doing too good of a job with it.

“watch it!” someone yelled out over the music to y/n as she shuffled past them quickly, stumbling out and disappearing through the back door as she made her break for it. her heart feeling broken to an extreme it hadn’t felt before which was only amplified by the alcohol as she felt her brain chemistry formed for logan be destroyed within a matter of moments. seeing it in front of her own eyes being completely different from assuming it had happened.

the fact they were doing that right now she just couldn’t and didn’t want too comprehend it. it hurting her so much she felt as if she was going to be sick, she could feel it to the extremist point that when she managed her way to the end of the courtyard where her little spot was with her childhood swing set, where she’s surprised she even remembered the whereabouts off in this state, she couldn’t stop herself from leaning down into a bush shakily.

her mouth watering, her throat burning with liquid as y/n threw up into the bush her heart pounding ridiculously as she felt the tears burning against her cheek as she didn’t even notice the feeling off two strong hands holding her hair back. her body shaking as she kept being sick, feeling the acid burn her throat as she felt a strong hand round her hair pulling it into a ponytail and another hand around her fragile body to keep her up.

her body flinching a little at the touch as the person leaned a little closer as y/n was sick some more, “it’s okay—“ a low voice ushered out as y/n couldn’t help be sick again, leaning down closer into the bush nearly tripping into it as the person held her upright. their hand snacking onto her waist as y/n leaned back into their touch. basically tripping into it as she let out a shaky breath as she wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her top.

her eyes moving up onto an all familiar face and she instantly cursed in her brain as he managed to move her over to the swings, sitting her down in one of two seats as she clung to the chain of it leaning her body against it freely as she let out a little cry.

“you’re good.” scott said softly his voice low as he spoke into a comforting tone that didn’t completely soothe her as she felt the tears trail down her cheek as he kneeled down — his hands stabilising the swing that was rocking a little as he looked up at her making sure she was okay on the swing. the cold air hitting the twos faces as the moon shone down on the courtyard, the faint sound of pop music from the mansion being completely distant to both of them.

“scott.” she managed to say, him being able to tell how far gone she was by the way she slurred her words as if her crying and throwing up didn’t prove that enough. his eyes on her as he moved her hair out the way for her, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear as she held back a little sob which wasn’t held back that well as she let out a shaky whimper.

“w-why— doesn-t he love me?” she spoke out quickly, her breath shaky and her voice high pitched as she let out little sniffles in between words, the weight of those making a sad smile tug on scott’s lips as he kept his hand on her face trying to keep her upright which was sort of impossible as he kept his comforting warm hand against her face. just trying to make her feel okay.

“—he—“ scott cut himself off before he moved closer to her, trying to keep her calm, “he does love you okay?”

y/n shook her head at scott’s words as she let out a muffled sob against her wrist, shaking her head as scott wiped the tears from her cheeks. “not like i want him to.” she rolled out in a slur, scott feeling his heart beat quicken at her little admission as if he didn’t know how she felt over him before as he moved his finger across her cheek in a soft circular motion, his hand cupping her jaw.

“hey- he does okay?” scott said quickly as he moved her jaw down so she met his eyes again, his tone soft as he moved himself to the other swing next to her — the second he was sat him moving his swing closer to her own. tangling the chains of his swing up a little in doing so.

“he does.” scott added out again, y/n not believing him at all as she swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat as she leaned herself again the hand that was cupping her face as she nearly tumbled off the swing.

her biting down on her tongue as she let out a little squeal as scott placed his hand on her back supporting and holding her up as a little chuckle left her lips as she leaned forward a little. scott not letting his hand move as worry was evident on his face as y/n turned to him a sad smile on her lips, tears still evident on her face.

“i wish.” he heard her whisper as he swallowed, his own voice breaking a little, “come on. okay? he doesn’t know what he’s missing right now.— he doesnt see you liking him.” scott said softly, giving her a little playful nudge as y/n started to lose the energy to even speak off it as she felt another tear slip down her cheek.

his words were taking the weight off her shoulders as she moved in the swing a little, scott’s comforting hand on her back which was now sort off around her waist making her sure she wasn’t going to fall as she moved a tiny bit closer to him on her swing. their swings touching a little.

“you deserve better then jean-y bitch.” she managed out lowly, scott not being able to help the chuckle that escaped his lips at how she put it as he looked out at the mansion in front of them. the moon present in his red tinted glasses.

“yeah— i’m starting to realise that.” he chuckled out as y/n gave him a drunken smile in return as she locked eyes with scott. someone she’d hardly noticed was this nice mostly due to the words logan remarked about him all the time as her smile couldn’t help but grow as she looked at him. the air softening between the two as y/n felt tiredness fall over her as she leant against the chains a little as she slowly moved her gaze over to the moon.

a few moments of silence passes before scott spoke up.

“y/n?” scott managed out trying to grab her attention as he saw he eyes wondering a bit. his eyebrows furrowing when he heard no answer in return, her silence scaring him as he nudged her.

“y/n?” he quickly said out once again, nudging her a little as he saw how limp her body was and noticed her closed eyes.

“fuck— y/n.” he ushered out quickly as he stood from his seat and went right to her side as he kneeled down, tapping her face to try and catch her attention. y/n stirring a little at his action as he stood up, pulling her up with him as he placed his hand around her waist as he tried to shake her a little which did the job as her eyes fluttered open to meet his own.

a drunken smile joining on her lips as a tear dropped down her cheek that she didn’t even notice as she chuckled a little, leaning close to him as she swayed a little.

“scott.” she said lowly as scott gave her a low chucke as she placed her arm around him drunk on, him wiping the tear of her cheek softly something he’d done a number of times since being in her presence tonight.

“okay it’s time to go sleep— im taking you to bed.” he explained softly as y/n looked at him with a little furrowed brow as he started to walk, helping her walk alongside him her hardly even able to realise she was walking as she leaned against his touch.

“you’re good.” he said calmly to her as they walked through the dark courtyard, the illuminated by the moon field of grass between them and the bustling school /xmansion being the only light to guide them. his grip on her tightening softly when she nearly tripped over her own feet, a low chuckle escaping his lips as he realised just how long of a walk it was to the mansion. him sighing as he held her upright. “nearly there.” he muffled out as y/n leaned to him.

“—‘m gonna be sick.” she quickly flushed out before throwing her head over in the other direction as scott patted her back and stopped in his tracks at her words as she was sick again — him holding the urge got to be sick too because the smell as he focused on helping her. his heart skipping a beat bit as he felt his anger growing over logan putting her in this situation where she was so drunk she was being sick or the fact that she was being sick just thinking about logan it made his blood boil as he felt his jaw clench — his eyebrows twitching as he helped her get it all out, whispering little comforts as he soothed her back.

“good girl. “ he said lowly as y/n brung her gaze into him once more him giving her a small sad smile as he placed his hand back around her waist to guide her, “cmon, bed.” he whispered out to her as they started walking again. having to go through the party definitely going to be a difficult task as scott tightened his grip around her waist as they walked past a couple people hanging around the outside area of the building as the music met y/n’s ears as once they got into the building scott called for people to move out the way as he made y/n stay close to him. her eyes wondering over everyone in her drunken haze as scott helped her over to the staircase which was through a couple wide, filled rooms.

her swearing she came across wade and hank in the corner with two twins and colossus’s doing a certain something to wade, her eyebrows furrowing at what she believed to have just seen as she shook it off as she met scott’s words.

“you need to be carried or are you okay?” scott asked as if he was babying her which sent a wave of comfort through her body as she let the question hang in her brain as she tried to form answer to it as she leaned herself against scott.

“‘u—‘i can—“

“scarlett?” logan roughly called out in a raised voice towards scott as he came over out of nowhere. scott rolling his eyes as he quickly picked y/n up, y/n being in scott’s arms as her eyes fluttered open to see logan to the side of them. scott’s jaw immediately clenching as he continued up the stairs without cracking a word to logan as he rushed after the pair. his own anger frustratingly high as he tried to control himself and stop himself from doing anything stupid.

“scott?” logan said harshly, his anger growing as he didn’t get an answer as he tried to get the man to look at him.

“lo-“ y/n slipped out, her voice muffled as she leaned into scott’s arms more as he carried her bridal style up the stairs. her realising his presence, logan’s eyes casting onto y/n and then back to scott. his eyes darkening.

“what have you done to her?!” logan rushed out, his voice cracking with worry as scott ignored his words as he made it to the top of the stairs and continued on down to where he’s pretty sure her room is.

“scott!” logan shouted again trying to get his attention as scott opened the door with his back, giving logan a harsh glare as he walked right over to the bed where he placed y/n down carefully on it. her drunken self pouring the cover over her figure as she rolled over in bed. letting out a little muffled whimper as her head laid on the pillow.

the second scott having let go off y/n he immediately turned to logan scott not giving logan another chance to talk before he connected his fist with his jaw, logan been taken aback a little as he raised an eyebrow, scott looking right at him as logan pushed him back harshly.

“what the fuck did you do?” logan cursed out quickly, scott scoffing as he held back taking his glasses off because of the fact it was a party, not logan’s funeral even despite how much he wanted it to be.

“you should ask yourself that, prick.” scott said harshly. logan’s eyebrows raising at his words as scott pushed himself past logan without another word.

logan immediately grabbing scott’s arm harshly, his claws aching to come out as he met his gaze.

“what do you mean by that?” logan said quickly, his eyes locked onto scott’s as so many questions flowed his brain. his thoughts enlaced with y/n and the worry he had for the girl as scott harshly brung his hand back to his side after shaking logan’s grip off — giving logan a stern look as he looked him up and down judgementally, “god, you are so stupid. you’d think being born in the 19th century would make you slightly smarter then a twenty nine year old.” scott scoffed out lowly, his words only angering logan more as he shoved scott against the wall.

his claws extending as he pressed them close to his throat — his threat there as scott swallowed.

“tell me.” he said harshly as scott couldn’t help a certain look cross his face. completely frustrated by logan, his heart aching for jean in this moment as he stared at what she had clearly picked over himself that enraging him yet also y/n and what she had just gone through herself. the heart ache something he could relate too and he wouldn’t wish that on anyone. yet right now he would logan however.

“she saw you and jean you idiot. meaning i did too. meaning— fuck you.” scott said quickly as he clicked his visor getting the right aim, logan jumping back as scott lazered his chest. his beam going right through as a loud grunt escaped his lips as logan in immediate retaliation clawed scott in the side, scott pushing back the whimper threatening to leave his lips as logan as he got ready to take another shot at the man.

logan raising his eyebrow as the two stared eachother down, “i’ll heal,” logan rolled out his words only angering scott worse as he went to raise his glasses again as logan roughly placed his hand on his chest to stop him, his claws retracted back in.

“i wish you wouldn’t.” scott bit out harshly as logan scoffed at his words, keeping his anger limited as he rolled his eyes.

“jean only needed someone to talk too—“

“you mean fuck.” scott said out harshly, jean crossing logan’s mind as his jaw clenched his gaze darkening as he couldn’t bring himself to shake his head. not that he was thinking about scott’s feelings — right now his mind pondering on another.

scott saw how logan couldn’t even fight back with words — tutting as he pushed him back. logan’s hands falling to his side as the two didn’t break eye contact.

“you know we’re engaged.” scott spit out like venom, his words causing a look of surprise to wash over logan’s face as his mouth fell open, “well we were.” he added out.

“you were— what?” logan fumbled out, confusion written on his face as scott rolled his eyes at his reaction. not that he cared deep down, but it felt like he did right now.

“great.. she didn’t tell you. like she didn’t tell anyone,” he said lowly, “not that it makes it any better what you’ve done,” scott casted out as a few seconds finding passed as he tried to find the words which only come out anger filled, “she’s a caniving cheating bitch.” scott cursed out, logan not bringing himself to react to the words scott ushered about jean as he looked at scott.

logan was about to say something to scott when the sound of y/n’s soft little snores filled the room which made the tension even higher as scott and logan glared at eachother.

“maybe just think next time before you fuck someone else’s girl, again.” scott managed out as he pushed past logan to leave the room.

“i don’t think she’s your girl.” logan called back out before he left as scott’s jaw clenched at his words as he opened the door.

“not anymore. you can have her.” he said harshly as he paused as he knew he had to say something.

“—just think about how y/n feels, because i know hurts.” scott spoke lowly as he left without another word clearly implying a certain fact.

logans heart skipped a beat at his words as the door shut behind scott, his mind feeling as if it was in a war as the tension built in the room immediately. the air feeling thick as he swallowed his own spit not bringing himself to call something back to him as his words couldn’t even bring themselves to form right in his brain yet alone out loud.

his eyes dawned back onto the sleeping girl y/n laying there. looking so soft and innocent, completely sound asleep and his heart couldn’t help twang a little as he bit down on the inside of his cheek — many bustling thoughts cursing his brain as he wished he had never thought of them.

his mind lingering on the thought of jean and what just occurred within him and scott as he came down from the pain that was inflicted on him his chest rising rapidly to a more normal flow as he healed. as he focused his gaze on y/n as he furrowed his eyebrows over what scott had said, trying to wrap his brain around it.

logan’s eyes dawning on y/n. guilt seeping through him as he felt his heart gain that aching feeling y/n had been riddled with since the day she first realised she was in love with the man as he sat on the foot of the bed. his mind feeling melted as he placed his hand on her own his big, gruff and rough feeling hand taking the soft touch of her hand into his own grip. her hand being half if not less of his size as he soothed her. her touch being another level of comfort he didn’t recall experiencing since he was a young boy that feeling sending memories flooding through his brain he couldn’t focus on now.

feeling all the emotions boiling up he’d been fighting to push down as he looked down at her asleep body. what was all of this? she had been distant, almost rude and very cold and scott’s words were making that why question he had on his mind for the past two weeks clearer.

the implication of scott’s words hung in his mind as he looked at her. him eventually bringing himself over to the spare place next to her in the bed not wanting to leave her alone for the night too worried about how drunk she was and if anything could happen in the night.. or anyone else drunkily walking in. but he couldn’t help deep down in knowing that those were just excuses to stay within her presence. asleep or not.

carefully building a gap between the two of them as he laid down — no matter how strong the urge to hug her and comfort her was — as he let out a rough exhale as he closed his eyes.

only to open them three seconds later to look at her. his eyes not leaving her peacefully asleep body for the rest of the night.