#i really need to go on there and delete the whole shebang

[lunar-years]

i finally decided to change my Ao3 account to match all my other fan accounts so if you are looking at any of my fics and feeling confused just know I'm lunar_years over there now too!

[adara-sakamaki]

♤ - - INTRO POST- - ♤

Blood moon's out tonight. There are witches in the woods. The forgotten child has returned to this gilded cage called home. Abandoned children don't come back for their parents. They return for the younger siblings who weren't thrown out of that golden cage called a home.

Hey everyone! I hope your all having a lovely day!

I'm Adara Sakamaki.

I'm a Vampire, several hundred years old - and I'm a witch!! That's right! I cast spells and brew potions and fly on broomstick. The whole shebang! I even have a Cat! - Her name is Luna and she's the sweetest Kitty ever! - But I won't melt if you splash water on me so don't try that.

Now, you may be wondering - how am I a Sakamaki? - Karlheinz has no daughters. And you'd be wrong in that assumption. Karlheinz is my father, Lady Beatrix is my mother. I was born before Shu and Reiji. But good old Karl didn't want a girl to be his first born (~because stupid politics and sexism~). So instead of raising me in our dear fucked up little family I was thrown away. They didn't want me so I was tossed away and they tried again a few years later for sons - and got Shu and later Reiji.

So - some stuff about me.....

Who raised me? Uncle Richter - he did a good job in my opinion, not the best but not the worst either.

How did I become a Witch? I had a master - someone to teach me! :)

What's my sensuality? I'm Bisexual-!

Am I in a relationship? Nope! I'm comfortably single right now!

What kind of Witch are you? The jack of all trades kind! I can do at least a little bit of every type of magic - I've had many years to study and learn after all. I'm really good with most magics too - there are only a few that are difficult to do for me.

Do I drink blood from Humans? Only if they give me permission on all fronts. I don't like crossing boundaries with the Humans I know - so if they don't want &/or consent to being bitten I won't bite. I get most of my blood from hunting animals.

What are some things I like? Magic obviously. It's amazing. I also love to do art - sketching is my favorite. Skateboarding is something I like and do a lot. I also like reading books of all kinds.

What am I afraid of? Not telling you guys, I know my father is on here and I don't trust him with that information.

'Kay everybody!

Account rules time!

1. No incest/NSFW type asks. - incest is disgusting. Keep that off of my page. Any and all incest asks are going to be deleted. As for NSFW asks I'm not comfortable with those so don't send them. Semi-but-not-fully-NSFW asks should be okay. If I'm uncomfortable with any semi-NSFW asks I simply won't answer them. But bottom line NO NSFW and NO INCEST!!

2. SFW asks can and should be sent in - as well as RP starters. That is the content primarily permitted on this blog.

3. Be friendly / kind to me and Admin in your asks. Needless hate will not be tolerated here. No hating - be kind and show respect and me and admin will do the same in return.

4. All things posted by this blog WILL BE IN CHARECTER FOR ME ADARA unless it is specifically stated otherwise. Adara's personality and hobbies and opinions don't fully match up to Admin's - so basicly we're not the same person and I want people to remember that.

5. Have a good time - this blog is a place to have fun so try to enjoy yourselves.

Okay guys! I think that's all the rules and reminders we need. No need to be restrictive or anything!

THE ASK BOX IS: OPEN

Admin here Huge!

Huge thank you to my friend @bubblespalace for helping me develope and create Adara. She also runs @nephilimcursed

[rashoumon-homo]

Rant ahead, prolly gonna delete later

TW: gender dysphoria, fetishization of trans men in fanfiction

Idk if it’s just me but I’m a trans guy who typically won’t touch “trans male [character]” smut fics with a ten foot pole. I’ve found a handful that are respectfully written, but for the most part they make me feel so fucking uncomfortable. It’s like the (non-trans) writers don’t see trans men as real men. There’s frequent untagged feminization, excessively feminine terms, and an alarming number of pregnancy fics. I get that some people like these things, and I respect that, but that’s pretty much ALL that’s out there. It’s like they want to write for a m/m ship but only want to write m/f smut, so they slap “trans” on there. It’s so blatantly obvious that the majority of these writers have never done a drop of research on what it means to be trans masc, much less MET a trans masc person irl.

Not only that, complaining about it makes YOU the bad guy. I made a post on the AO3 subreddit back when I first joined it (aka before I knew better) just kind of venting about the way trans characters are written in fics. I was a lot more gentle and understanding about it than I’m being here btw. And instantly the post got flooded with comments saying that “just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean other people don’t.” Or “my roommate’s boyfriend’s brother is trans and he doesn’t care about that stuff.” Or that people are free to write whatever they want and if I don’t like it I shouldn’t be reading it. (My favorite one was “I’m cis but I don’t see an issue”) I ended up deleting the post.

Back in February there was this fic I read that did all that same shit and it pissed me off. Untagged feminization, afab language, the whole shebang. And I KNOW that author wouldn’t have treated the character that way if they were writing a cis man. For legal reasons, this comment was not written by me, but it was deleted by the author right away with no response.

I blocked them and moved on.

I guess what brought all these emotions back was a post I saw where someone was complaining about other cultures being written in an accidentally offensive way in fics. The same people who tore down my post (and others like it) were suddenly all into the idea of respecting the cultures you write, doing research on them, etc. How is trans culture any different? Why is it “um actually some trans guys like being feminized” but then “these cultural stereotypes are offensive and the author should do better?”

Not too long ago, I decided to start writing trans characters in fics. It was really tough for me, since I had to battle a lot of my own dysphoria, but I felt like it was worth it if it meant there was just one more fic out there to make trans people feel seen and respected. Being seen as a real man and being trans should not be mutually exclusive. It’s possible to be both. And it’s painfully obvious when the writer doesn’t see it like that.

If you’re trans and you feel the same way about all this, lmk. Sometimes I feel like I really am the unreasonable one and that I’m all alone here and it really fucks with my head.

And if you’re cis and wanting to write trans characters, I implore you to learn about us first. Trans people are not a shortcut to writing m/f smut. They have their own unique experience of the world that needs to be taken into account if you’re going to write them respectfully. Listen to trans voices. Please.

[the-firebird69]

Watch "'Patrick Goes to Dinner with Evelyn' Scene | American Psycho" on YouTube

https://youtu.be/sEPXCNvHD4Y

The conclusion is kind of simple not playing it and he plans on turning it around after taking it on Tommy F and others after eliminating the small lock after using them out to get foreigners set up that's what's going on he's a harsh person and he's not aware that our son is Young bull Grace and very intelligent and has an ego just want to put up with this baby s*** and it's harassment it was suing silently constantly and by the time he gets there I'll remember that his name is Santiago from a long time ago and he found in San Diego so he's going to have a bird this is having one but really it's kind of why we mention it so we will have a bird he will have a bird not us and it works and it's really dangerous to him but what a pitiful person he turned into and a pitiful race you all became mush let me take advantage of it and stop complaining that you're so easy.

Our project is on schedule. We have a lot of things that are working with it we have prepped the center of it the core is ready and it is time to act on it and it is and was a humongous prep job it took much longer than thought we needed tons of equipment and every calculated and found a mistake everybody was making I think it would be easier because it's bigger and softer and we do the density and it took longer okay so he helped out and we're doing the job and he's here to help us and we're here to help him and I'm telling you you people are a chore and we don't have to allow you to be and it's going to stop. Cuz now on schedule that's in an hour and we prepped the other part of it and it was very careful work and extremely nerve-wracking we are now going to proceed and we will make the final cuts and it will work for us. We will begin the procedure within the hour. And this huge news so we're going to publish

Thor Freya

This is a momentous time in history a momentous event and I want to know that I'm there helping and took a lot of effort and you people bothering this was noted and you're going to be deleted we don't need your help and you don't think we're doing anything fantastic so I'm going to cut you down you don't need to know about it horrible horrible people there's no real need for keeping it here and ridiculous it is just going to be fascinating what happens after with hours because of its magnitude it looks like it's 10 times the size of the last one even when it's next to it and it's not

Nuada Arrianna

Is a huge number of people who are listening and what he's saying is crass and I like it but not now. Not ever and so on I have good at it but this is a giant project and we have a huge amount of work to do and this is a momentous occasion and what's going to happen next just going to be hilariously huge most people can't handle what it came up with to perform the procedure we thought we were going to do something different and it would take way too long and it was way too hard and would not work right there's no way you can do it that way now you can it's just an incredible effort. Really it's like saying the same thing but he came up with this method that's real easy and it makes sense in other words they have the same idea and the same concept instead of said differently no not really it was going to be different but you have to do something it goes contrary to the whole shebang somehow. We are proceeding shortly

I mean it too it's going to start within the hour

Hera

I'm happy that people are now realizing that this is an incredibly huge event. Even Olympus is now open the edge of the chair which is where they should be this is class A Olympus event level things and it will be even bigger later but this is imperative right now and we need this now make sure that we are not compromised in any way and we are monitoring other areas and we don't see any activity that's a necessary thing. And I'm happy to hear about the progress but this is a very very touchy procedure and we need to go to defcon 1 and all hands have to come to to a duty and every single man woman and child needs to be notified of the event or that there's an event occurring we have to be on a massive standby our defenses have to be at full power we have to be all filled up all tanked up and all Amanda every single telescope and every single child's telescope and everybody has to be on patrol everywhere in the universe starting right now and for hours afterwards yes

Zues

What are you saying is nice and he did text his wife and I'm saying it for him and he is saying something very nice that we do here and it works and sometimes people see stuff and we want people to go out and look for things and the time is now and I'm calling it and I know what it's called and I'm sending the orders to Thor and Freya

Frank Castle hardcastle

We're going to a state of readiness that is unheard of we are now going to do it and I do see why we need everybody to be alert right now this is the time and this is how we need to pray for ourselves and ours we are playing with something that is extremely lethal and we must work on it with a professionals manner that is necessary and we need help with that and we requested of our people now and we need you to get your questions out of the way immediately so we can get to work on this I'm putting a notice out now

Duke Nukem Blockbuster

We are here listening and we know about the event we're spreading it around they're sending patrols they're getting to the job now we know what level we're at we're at the highest and we understand that he's important to us and he's been beat on and harassed and ridiculed it's way too much and we're going to help put it into it and stop it from happening any thanks us and we're going forwards right now to proceed

All of us and we are Gods and Goddesses

We thank you my father and mother for our lives and we thank you for all of this our blessings and we will pray now for hours and ourselves for good and positive outcome of this event it is bone chilly out incredibly momentous it is we have several more and one of them is way past this and we must be accustomed to it and we must all be in tune to it and this will make the final event much easier

Savage Oppress yes we're both here

We have many more to do after this it is not the end of it it is the beginning of it and we need Force protection and we need them in our space force for our part of our interplanetary defense network and zig zag heads up the solar system and he is calling on people to sign on immediately to make sure that they don't leave and to make sure that they're not in adjacent areas that may have the same material

Thor Freya

We do need more than what's here and we do understand we only getting a certain amount of help and he did make it bigger and he said the right thing he said this is for everyone and we need everybody's help and we need you to start doing it because you're going to need to know how to do it on your own and you got to get here immediately we need help very badly everything I didn't answer any rolls if anything every man woman and child is going to work on them in the future can work on these now we have room we have jobs even if it's 10 10 steps out it will help you exposure and experience are worth a million words

Zig Zag

Don't be praise we're going forwards and all of this is very true and we're sending it out in a formal statement in moments there are a lot of us who want to speak and we're going to put that on to the statement

Olympus

[purplesurveys]

1044

survey by a7xbabii 

Do you use e-mail often? I use it for eight hours, five days a week for work, so yes.

Do you hear any animals right now? I’m in a Starbucks inside a mall situated in the middle of a busy highway. It would be very unlikely to hear any animals right now.

Are you in a well-lit room? Sure, I’d say this establishment has good lighting. There’s no light directly above me unlike the other seats, but it’s okay in this case as I don’t want other people seeing me take surveys.

Is your trashcan full? The main one we use at home just got full, so the last time I checked this morning my mom was airing it out.

What was the last crunchy thing you consumed? My chicken barbecue sandwich from last night.

Did you view anything disturbing today? Hmm, I guess so? I wanted to entirely redo one part of my embroidery piece since I wasn’t happy with how I did it, so I had to remove the threads and stuff. When they were all gone the template was filled with holes and it looked like one of those trypophobia photos. I’m not personally disturbed by that phenomenon, but I know a lot of people are.

Are there any holiday decorations in your house? Yeah, we’ve had our Christmas tree up since the beginning of November. We also usually put a wreath up our door but idk why my mom didn’t this year.

When was the last time you had a terrible headache? Last night, because I had not eaten all day. 

Have you recently put lotion on your hands? No. I don’t like the feeling of lotion, so I don’t apply it on me a lot, if at all.

Are you hungry? Not so much, actually. I don’t feel too hungry today; I didn’t even finish my breakfast and that’s the only meal I’ve had so far today, and it’s already 4 PM.

Is it rainy where you're at right now? No, it’s quite fair. The sun’s not too strong anymore because of the time, but it’s still very much bright out.

Do you carry a purse? If so, describe what it looks like. I take a wallet with me. It’s pink, made of fake leather, has three main slots inside, and it also has some tiny bite marks on the outer edges from when Cooper was a lot younger.

Is your cell phone on vibrate? For certain notifications only, like texts and Viber.

Is your dishwasher full? We don’t use a dishwasher.

When is the last time you saw someone you like/love. Around a week and a half ago.

Do you like to wear gloves? No, I find them too itchy and I don’t need to wear them anyway.

Is there a body of water near where you live? There’s a creek that passes through my village near the clubhouse area, if that counts.

What are your thoughts on Avenged Sevenfold? No opinion. I never listened to them; though I am reminded of this one mutual I used to have on Tumblr/Twitter. She used to be a wrestling fan and was a part of our main circle, but she gradually shifted her main fandom to Avenged Sevenfold. By the time she cemented her new interest she then went on a huge unfollowing spree of wrestling fans on her feed and she apparently PM’d each person she intended to unfollow, including me. I remember her explaining that she was now in a different fandom and was gonna have to stop following me which I found...kinda extra to be honest lmao because nobody does that, but I appreciate the effort to approach each one of us, I guess.

Are you wearing anything pink right now? Nope, but my wallet is pink and so is my keyboard cover.

Do you like to swim in the ocean? I prefer beaches, but sure.

What is the creepiest bug you've ever saw? Cockroaches.

Do you currently have split ends? I don’t think so.

When is the last time you used the bathroom? Around five hours ago when I took a shower before heading out.

Do you chew on your lip? Almost never.

Are you afraid of needles? For the most part yeah, especially syringes. I’m not afraid of them when I do my embroidery, but that’s the only time I feel comfortable with a needle.

What is the last thing you lost? A pen, I think.

When is the last time you saw a bald person? Five hours ago, when I said bye to my dad.

What car were you last in? [continued from two days ago] My own. I was driving home from the mall.

Do you like Batman? I tried to get into Batman and the whole shebang of comic books when I was a teenager, but I just couldn’t.

Have you ever played tennis? Never have, actually. I’ve always wanted to try.

Can you see a star shape in the room you are in? Probably not in my bedroom.

What are you sitting on? A pillow I’ve placed on my work chair so that it’s more comfortable. My parents got me a basic chair initially meant just for my internship, so it’s not the comfiest of chairs haha. But now that I have a job, a more suitable work chair is probably one of things I’ll have to invest on.

What is the last warm thing you touched? My chest felt itchy just a few seconds ago, so I was able to feel my skin scratching it.

Do you use hand sanitizer? That’s kind of a necessity now, so...

Where do you want to go in life? [continued from...I don’t even remember anymore] I don’t know if I even plan to make it past 30 at this point. I can’t answer this right now.

Are you sweating? No, I’ve been in air-conditioned rooms all day and it feels so damn good.

When is the last time you had to scratch an itch? A few minutes ago when my neck itched.

Are you in any kind of club or group that is trying to save animals? No, but I very much support the cause.

Who is the last blonde you saw? At work today I saw someone who had her hair dyed blonde.

Where were you two hours after you got up, and what were you doing there? I needed to go to the office today because my team and I needed to pack some stuff to seed to certain media. It was the first time I got to visit the place and it was sooooooo homey and pretty :) I wish we can be allowed to work in the office soon; it would be best for my mental health at this point.

Do you wish for world peace? Um, of course.

Have you ever played fetch with a dog? We were able to teach Cooper how to pick up items that we throw but he’s still slowly learning that he actually has to give it back to us, haha.

What is the nearest object that is wood? The table I am typing on is made of wood.

Do you use Netflix? Yes, we have a family subscription.

Does your house have a fireplace? No, we don’t. And I can confidently tell you all other houses in this entire country, and probably the whole of Southeast Asia, don’t.

Do you wake yourself up in the morning, or does someone else? I wake myself up. On important days, I’ll put an alarm on.

What kind of hoodie did you last wear? It was a white hoodie with a UP seal on the left side.

Do you play games on your computer? No, my laptop isn’t equipped for games. I tried downloading Sims 4 when they made it free for a few weeks back in 2018, but my laptop’s fan started whirring like crazy and the battery got drained super fast. The entire period of me booting it up and then deleting it took like, a literal 15 minutes.

What is the last video game that you played? Mario Kart 8 on the Switch. I want to get myself Switch games as gifts, but I’m just so stingy towards myself hahaha.

Have you ever pet a stingray? I’m 50% would like to at least once and 50% I know of what it did to Steve Irwin, and I’m not messing with them.

If you were on vacation, would you ever go to Ireland? It’s not a big item on my bucket list, honestly. I’d love to go to Ireland, but it would probably be a part of a bigger itinerary, like if I decided to take a trip to that part of Europe.

Are you logged into Myspace right now? I haven’t been on there for more than a decade.

Did you have anything bad happen to you today? Yeah, but they’re stuff that happened at work that are a little hard to explain. 

Have you ever been to New York? Nope. I’d love to take a trip there.

Do you use the term "lol" if you don't have anything to say? Not really. I use it in the end of my messages more so that I don’t sound mean.

Should you be sleeping right now instead of taking this survey? Hell no. It’s a Friday night so the last thing I want to be doing is sleeping.

Can you truly say you hate anyone? I don’t think so. I greatly dislike my brother, but I guess I don’t hate him. I find it too strong a word.

Have you ever disected a baby pig in a class at school? Not a piglet, no. We dissected an earthworm, a fish, and eventually a frog.

What brand of dish liquid do you use? A local brand you wouldn’t recognize.

When is the last time you ate a Hershey Kiss? It’s probably been more than a year. It’s not my favorite candy.

Do you ever feel unappreciated? Yes.

Do you currently have any blemishes on your face? No. My pimple finally went away, hallelujah.

Who is the last baby you held? My cousin who is now 13 years old. I’m too anxious to hold babies; I always feel like I’d drop them so I find myself declining even when I have the chance to hold one.

Are you a lover? I guess.

Do you use smileys often in text convos? Yes. Not a lot of people like them but it’s better to sound friendly and approachable than stoic.

Do you have the Google toolbar on your computer? Like...Chrome? I have the program, yeah. It’s my default browser as well.

Do you like Sunkist? I’ve never had it.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? I mean...I guess only if I was in a life-and-death situation, like if a plane I was in crashed on an island and I was starting to get hungry. I certainly don’t fantasize about cannibalism on any regular day.

Did you forget something important in the past week? I made a few mistakes at work due to me forgetting things, yeah.

Do you like learning new things? Sure.

What color is your toothpaste? White.

Are the floors in your house creaky? Nopes. I don’t think our doors are creaky-level just yet as well.

Do you fear death? I hate the uncertainty of what happens while it’s taking place, and what happens after. But I’ve been wishing for it for a while as well. There’s a difference.

Is your mouth dry? Not right now, no.

Do yoou have any scars from an animal? Yeah I’ve got a few marks and scratches from Cooper. I never run out of them, really.

Did you have fun with this survey? It was okay.

Was it random enough? Sure.

[davidmann95]

Hey David? Why is ours such a cruel and merciless God?

mirrorfalls said: (If you don't know what I'm talking about, your inbox should be filling up with more specific deets riiiiight about now.)

cheerfullynihilistic said: THE SNYDER CUT

Anonymous said: You don’t seem to think Superman’s public rep will take another beating from the Snyder Cut coming out. Honestly I thought you’d be way more upset than you seemed on Twitter.

Anonymous said: So uhh, against all thoughts and logic the Snyder cut is being released? Maybe as a mini series? Thoughts?

Anonymous said: SNYDER CUT!

Bullies. Jocks. Guys angrily asking if we know who their father is. Assorted dudebro nerd-oppressors of America:

You have failed us. You have failed us so hard. What else do we even keep you around for if not to head this shit off at the pass? Shame on you.

Okay, so seriously: I’m actually gonna put most bitching and moaning under a cut, because I know firsthand there are as many as several non-slavering maniacs out there who dug Man of Steel and Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice and who are simply and entirely reasonably excited that they’re getting this movie after all. I don’t feel like throwing a wall of text at them shitting all over this, so I’ll lead off with I think some fairly even-handed commentary on the real-world circumstances here, rambling speculation regarding the production, and some cautious optimism about the actual movie/s. THEN I’ll get to what I imagine most of you are here to see.

So totally in a vacuum: this is a cool, good thing. I’m the notorious theatrical Justice League-liker, but at best it was a compromised product due to the original creator - who like it or not clearly had an incredibly ambitious personal vision for these characters and their world - suffering a horrific tragedy forcing him off the project, and leaving his final stamp on blockbuster culture and a world he’d devoted years of his life to a flop with his name on it when he couldn’t even truly call it his own anymore. At worst, said tragedy was taken advantage of by suits to ditch him in the home stretch so as to try and shove out something ostensibly more marketable. But now because of a...very loyal fanbase, the man’s getting the opportunity and resources to rise like a phoenix and see at least some of his vision through in a huge way. That’s pretty remarkable.

Not in a vacuum this is fucking horrifying. I’ve already seen folks poo-poohing the reflexive fears that this will ‘set a precedent’, and they were right enough that I deleted my initial tweet on the subject because I didn’t think I could express my own opinion with any nuance in the space of 280 characters. Yeah, nerd whining definitely shaped Rise of Skywalker (another movie I enjoyed in spite of the circumstances of its creation). Hell, Sonic the Hedgehog crunched its CGI team prior to unceremoniously firing them to redesign his model thanks to outcry. That’s already a market force, and just to be clear upfront, if we can’t agree the predominant mode of operation for #ReleaseTheSnyderCut has been a toxic nerd harassment campaign when they spammed posts memorializing deceased actors and chased Diane Nelson off Twitter, we’re not gonna be able to have this conversation. And director’s cuts are you may have noticed also already a thing. But this isn’t changing direction on a project that’s already going to exist no matter what, this is turning back 3 years later on a commercial flop and dumping tens of millions of dollars into it, explicitly in response to that harassment campaign. It’s not *actually* going back and, say, remaking The Last Jedi, but by god to the naked eye it’s gonna be as good as for plenty of fanboys, and probably to some shortsighted execs as well. This is a new thing, and in this context it is a very, very bad one. Hopefully one that won’t amount to anything.

As for the movie itself: what the hell is this thing going to end up being? I assume with this sort of cashola being pumped into it we’re not getting any slapdash greenscreen or storyboarded sequences, but four hours? Is it really just going to be an expanded and revised version of what we saw in theaters, or is this including content that would have been in the originally planned Justice Leagues 2 and 3? My understanding is that those were already compressed into a single Justice League 2 before plans collapsed altogether, were they maybe filming side-by-side and this’ll be the whole shebang? If not is Snyder going to hedge his bets and end this on a clean note, or keep it ending on a cliffhanger in hopes HBO will throw another $250 million his way to keep going? Does DC want to keep going? Would they give into fan pressure on releasing after all what was widely publicized as the first film of a duology or trilogy with dangling threads if they weren’t going to be at least watching the numbers to see the feasibility of returning to this in a bigger way? Not that I think WB execs would piss into Snyder’s mouth if he were dying of thirst at this point if he simply asked to be able to do Justice League 2, but if he floated that if they instead just give him a liiiiiiiitle more money he can finally deliver unto them their very own Avengers - one that they can work on even during quarantine since it’s mostly just VFX work left - and hey if it works out he’s got a sequel or two cued up and ready to go? Maybe they look at their scattered plans and say the hell with it and end up giving this a theatrical release and sequel with Snyder holding the reigns again if this ends up a killer app; stranger things have happened, if not many, and somehow this is already happening in the first place after all. Alternatively, if this succeeds, could they go “thanks and good on ya, totally do another, but it’s gonna be an HBO exclusive so you’re only getting a hundred million, figure it out”? Would Ben Affleck return? How much reshooting will he be willing to commit to even for this? And most importantly, since this is potentially going to be serialized as six ‘episodes’, will We Got This Covered count this as another ‘win’ since their bullshit rumor mill algorithm spit out “Justice League HBO TV show” recently?

As for the project itself: I ain’t subscribing to HBOMax for this bad boy, but once it becomes more widely available I can’t claim I won’t probably watch it. It’s basically a new movie about the Justice League, and if there’s anything I WOULD wanna see Zack Snyder do in the DCU, it’s the movie finally moving past pseudo-realism (aside from some of those dopey costumes) and leaning all the way into godlike superbeings bludgeoning each other through continents. I absolutely wanna see his aesthetic take on the Green Lantern Corps, and New Genesis, and time travel, and all the other weird promises of where his movies were going to go climaxing in a ridiculous super-war across all spacetime. It’s the same reason J.G. Jones was an exciting choice for Final Crisis before he had to leave, seeing a guy known for his work in an ultra-real grungy superhero style starting there and building up to seeing his version of absolutely wild cosmic spectacle. And no, to respond to one of the initial asks, I’m not worried about the impact on Superman. Everyone seems to have accepted this is its own distinct thing whether they like it or not, I think him getting to complete his ‘arc’ will quiet down many of the folks who like to yell at every other version as retro nonsense since now they’ll be able to be smug about having had the best take rather than pining for a lost finale, and I’m not interested in further Superman movies at the moment anyway with Superman & Lois in the pipe (which I was originally paranoid would be endangered by this when rumors first started floating, but if it’s been brewing since November then if they wanted to strike that down to ‘make room’ according to their Byzantine ever-shifting rules, they would have by now). Far as I’m concerned, as long as the other DC movies get to keep doing what they’re doing during and past this - even Pattinson in his corner, however that works - then totally let Snyder work out all his Wagnerian superhero bullshit for another flick or two. If nothing else, maybe we’ll learn what the hell that diagram up there is supposed to mean. And a plea I want to clarify upfront is wholeheartedly sincere: we’re already down the rabbit hole, so let Snyder to literally whatever he wants with his non-theatrically released Justice League. Zero input or veto power from outside parties. If he wants Flash to hang dong or Superman to say fuck or Batman to learn he’s Steppenwolf’s secret dad or Cyborg to learn he needs to eat babies to fuel his machine parts, let him go for it. Whole point is this is now his thing for people who want his thing.

Okay, beneath the cut the filter comes off, so go ahead if that’s your jam.

Hahahahahahaha this is gonna be such a fuckin’ shitshow you guys, Jesus Christ.

They’re giving the dude who did BvS and wants to make an Ayn Rand adaptation someday $30 million to take another crack at this monstrosity! 30 goddamn million smackaroos for four fucking hours of by many accounts roughly the same basic movie, except now presumably with what little coherency, fun, and clean character work the theatrical cut managed to pull off excised in return for weighty staring, ponderous pseudo-philosophical musings, hackneyed symbolism, aimless mythology teasing, and Steppenwolf I understand being decapitated by Wonder Woman at the end rather than taken back to Apokolips. I didn’t even spoiler mark that shit because don’t you dare pretend you care about the fate of Steppenwolf. I won’t have it.

I used to wonder if I was indeed missing the forest for the trees with these movies, that I was so inflexible in my personal image of these characters - even though I appreciate plenty of alternate takes on them and even some stories that bend or break what I consider their ‘rules’, just not these - that I was incapable of grasping or appreciating these films on their own merits as works of art using those archetypes in wildly different ways; even I could see there were good moments and interesting ideas on display despite seemingly failing to come together. No matter how much I personally deconstructed how and why it wasn’t working, I couldn’t do it to my own satisfaction to the point of stamping out that niggling little worry with how many folks whose opinions I respect love ‘em. Until I finally remembered that the Cadmus arc of Justice League Unlimited is totally the same basic story as BvS, centrally driven by an even worse take on Superman, and that’s still one of the best superhero stories of all time. These just stink by any merits, and while I think Justice League absolutely has the potential to be the most *entertaining* of the bunch, it’s not going to magically become *good* in the eleventh hour. Not to lift up Joss Whedon of all people as some kind of savior, I’m on the record that my love for Justice League as-is is some kind of inexplicable alchemical accident, but I promise that there is not going to be one single addition to this movie that’s going to make up for the removal of “Just save one person”.

Also I’m already not looking forward to dudes tweeting “whoa, he’s splitting it up into a serialized narrative, reflective of the sequential nature of the characters’ primitive native pictorial medium! Or mayhap in ode to the pulp film adventure serials which inspired those in turn! Even the Justice League children’s cartoon for dumb babies, which was itself...made up of episodes! That’s three references in the structure of the thing alone! The man’s operating on an entirely different level!” “God, isn’t it amazing how much better he understands the source material than you”, they shall say, about a man who I understand just very confidently referred to Doomsday in his livestream as having destroyed Krypton in the comics. Again, don’t you say they won’t, just the other day I saw folks tweeting they just realized that since Jor-El wears armor over his bodysuit that technically means Superman’s whole costume is underwear which means Snyder’s totally honoring that without putting him in ugly dumb red panties so checkmate, dorks.

(Okay, in fairness, I know Snyder was saying that’s his take on what happened to the moon in the past of the movies and maybe I only misheard that he thought that also happened in the comics, and it’s trivial information anyway. Still sucks though, that seeming out-of-nowhere Jax-Ur shoutout was like the one thing I liked about that otherwise interminable Krypton sequence. And why is there a second Doomsday? You did Death of Superman already!)

And further SPOILER thoughts below on the reported plots of 2 and 3:

It’s also an amazing, perfect sort of narrative synchronicity that the hypocrisy of Man of Steel in presenting Superman as a savior would (will?) be matched by the movies also rejecting that promise long-term. In there, Jor-El’s musings on the capacity of every living thing being capable of good, the closest the film has to a singular moral statement, are proven wrong when Zod has to be put down like a mad dog, and rather than the one who’ll bring us into the sun, Kal-El’s presence draws ruin from beyond the stars to our world. And again in BvS with Doomsday. And again in Justice League 1-3, where in spite of claims by Snydercutters that it’s okay for Superman to be a really lousy take on Superman because it’s totally supposed to take several movies after putting on the costume and calling himself Superman, including his own death and resurrection, for him to really, like, become Superman, man, he remains a liability to the end. His death lures in Steppenwolf, the Kryponian matrix in his genes is Darkseid’s goal, he becomes the villain of the first act of Justice League 3 - possibly of his own free will depending on which version you’ve heard about - and at the final showdown, it’s Batman who sacrifices himself to stop Darkseid and save the world and inspire the rise of superheroism, because Batman, you see, rules, whereas Superman, stay with me here, drools. A letdown given BvS was just about the one major story of the last 30 years to unambiguously conclude Superman is better than Batman, but not a shocker. None of what I understand goes down in these - iconography from the likes of Fourth World, Crisis on Infinite Earths, Death and Return of Superman, Rock of Ages, Final Crisis, and Injustice reused but stripped of all context and thematic weight that gives it meaning (even Injustice is built on the premise of having a ‘good’ Superman to contrast the dictator); Lois being the ‘key’ because of her connections to two men, one she married and one she bears; time travel that even by the very generous suspension of disbelief applied to it in a genre like this operates by two obviously completely different sets of rules in its only two uses, and is then used to write the entire second movie of the trilogy out of continuity in the first act of the third, making one and a half of these movies pointless - is shocking. It’s just more empty notions and unfulfilled promises offered up to a fanbase staking everything on the idea that all the tampering, all the wild swings, all the meandering, it’s all building UP to something, not possibly just a dude who doesn’t understand these characters but wanting to look very clever with them before building up to one more rad punch-up. So yes, make these movies. Let what can be gleaned from them as worthwhile be revealed, leave the rest of it up for examination to be judged as it deserves and let it, finally. Finally. Be done.

[durtystars]

i want to make a public apology to my tumblr. really, on the internet in general. i was like 17 and thought i was the hot shit making purposeful triggering posts and the whole shebang. by saying i'm 17 i'm not saying that i don't have anything to own up to because i was a minor. also, i'm not saying that everything problematic i did was at 17. just that i grew from that age and the ones that followed after that.

honestly i should have just stuck with posting art, because i truly do cringe at the stuff i did in that time. i wish i could delete it but deleting stuff on tumblr is useless and besides i always need a reference of who i was in the past to know i have grown from that.

going through other people's experiences, stepping out of my echo chamber, i began to see and understand other people's point of view. and that's what really made me think back on the crap i tried to pull back then. never again will i be that social tyrant.

hurting people's feelings and invading their spaces for fun is not cool and will never be. end of story. i only hope people that were like my 17yr old self can come to this realization eventually and grow as a human being because that's honestly what's best for us as a species.

oh and in case anyone thinks this is because of some dug up history, screenshots or whatever and this is an apology to those people it's not. i'm doing this on my own with no other attachments. i just wanted to apologize not only to the public attitude i have done but to myself. i want to acknowledge this and more forward as a new person.

[just-an-aussie-fandom-hermit]

I don’t usually (like, at all actually lmao) rant about my personal life but I feel like this needs to be said:

Throwback to that time someone commented on a piece of work i’d written (fanfiction) and it was basically them telling me:

- my pacing could make the icexaps freeze back over

- and that if I wasn’t a “good” or “skilled” or “proper” (I think that was the actual word?? Idk I deleted the comment because I didn’t want anyone even interacting with this dunce) writer than I shouldn’t be writing at all, much less putting it on the internet.

If by “proper” you mean “have a published novel” or “have a degree in writing” I am already on my way (and already well indebted to the AUS government) to getting a degree in creative writing (editing, analysis, the whole shebang), so, there you go I guess.

- you want a “proper writer”? Employ me??? Because otherwise I do this in my free time, and my personal/professional life will be my priority, because writing/fandom is something that brings me joy an enriches me, not something I do for other people.

- my story was weird and unoriginal

Like??? Hello?? Who do you think you are, The Writing God? The Overlord of Creative Writing? Sorry mate, you’re not, you’re just a gatekeeper with serious superiority issues. And clearly lacking in the skills needed to give contructive criticism in a work instead of useless insults (not even written well lmao).

- The comment also said I should “stick with a theme” and decide “whether I want to make people laugh or cry.”

That’s — who’s gonna tell them that’s not how storytelling works? I wasn’t being pseudo-intellectual by suddenly changing the whole theme of my story, I was just adding in some humour to add depth to the characters and make the characters seem more fleshed-out. Calm yourself.

I don’t know what this person wanted to achieve (maybe just to bully me because it’s “fun” or whatever) but this and comments like it are utterly pointless, downright meanspirited and are so harmful to the creative community.

Constructive criticism (that is, commentary that is actually useful and insightful to the author(s) which may help them improve/refine their work(s) in meaningful ways), is not always welcome, as more than a few creators just wanna write/put their self-indulgent content out there and don’t really want any interaction outside of that.

If there’s a formatting problem or a translation problem, or i’ve written something offensive, or you’re confused by my meaning, please let me know and I will change it, but don’t rock up to my comment section and talk about how “[redacted because they used a slur] you think me and my story are because it deviates from the source material and it’s therefore dumb.

Thank you for your time and enjoy your day.

[starryseo]

date. | hwang hyunjin

this gif?? is a godsend??

pairing ↠ hyunjin x gender neutral!reader

genre ↠ some poorly-written fluff? slight enemies to lovers?? detective au! 

wc ↠ 3234

summary ↠ friday evenings shouldn't be spent staring at case files. luckily, the universe has made plans for you.

warnings ↠ a biiit of swearing

a/n ↠ wow this is long overdue! hope you all enjoy reading this :') sorry in advance for the awkward spacing, i wrote this on a google doc first (and deleted it like a dumbass) so ig the copy+pasting got weird.

-

Normally, Friday evenings would be spent at home, under several warm blankets and dim lights, your only company being a tub of Cookies and Cream ice cream, enough sweets to make your teeth ache and Chris Evans (he may be in your TV screen, but, for now, that presence is more than enough). But, clearly, Captain Woojin Kim has it out for you since he’s kept your squad and several others back to fish through a ship load of paperwork. You’re certain he’s adding more manila folders to your toppling pile each time you blink, your hands ache as you swap between signing papers and typing up incident reports.

Glancing at the clock on the wall, you notice it’s only been half an hour of filing, the clock’s hands ticking just past 5 o’clock. You reach for the mug of coffee that your Captain had so graciously gifted you before dropping the paperwork bombshell. Groaning at the realisation that your mug is now empty, you drop your head on the table. This wasn’t supposed to be a normal Friday evening; sure, filling in reports were different plans to your usual Netflix and chill, but on this particularly fine Friday, you actually had plans. Real plans. You hadn’t been extremely thrilled earlier this week for the blind date your friend had set up for you today, but now? Anything would be better than listening to Jisung repeat every single thing he was writing and typing and thinking. No amount of coffee could ever give you enough energy to deal with him.

You let out another groan, stretching your arms above your head, before grabbing your coffee mug to get a refill. Suddenly, you become a coffee boy as Jisung, Seungmin, Hyunjin, Felix and Minho -- who wasn’t even part of your team -- thrust out their arms, each of them holding an empty mug begging to be filled once more. Rolling your eyes, you walked straight past all of them to focus on your own mug. You laughed when they muttered curses, most choosing to continue with their reports. You set up the coffee machine, listening to its dull droning tone until the door swings open behind you.

“Thank you so much for the refill, y/n,” Hyunjin drawled, sarcasm slipping easily between his words, as he stood beside you.

“Anytime, Hyunjin.” You were not in the mood for Hyunjin’s quips -- especially not because he looked perfectly energetic when you could barely keep your eyes open. You huffed when the machine stopped working, letting out a long groan. “Stupid machine!”

“Step aside, let the master work his magic,” Hyunjin boasted, bumping you aside with his hip as he stretched his arms out in front of him, lacing his fingers together to crack them. He whacked the side of the machine harshly, grinning when it sputtered back to life, “That’s magic, baby!” He turned to you with a smirk, raising his eyebrows.

“Wow, that was so impressive.” You deadpanned, nudging him back in a similar manner. You placed your mug under the dispenser, pressing the button to fill it up.

“Worked like a charm,” his smirk never left and he turned to face you, leaning against the counter.

“Oh, definitely, I’m swooning,” you rolled your eyes -- a common gesture whenever you spoke to Hyunjin -- before grabbing your mug and stepping away.

“I knew you’d fall for me eventually.” He stayed unmoving, brown eyes practically teasing a reaction out of you.

And that was exactly why you could never have a proper conversation with the man. You’ve had your fair share of cocky men -- interrogating overconfident pimps was never your favourite task -- but at least you got paid to deal with those rich guys. There wasn’t enough money in the world to incite you into a willing conversation with Hyunjin. To the others, he was an absolute angel, going out of his way to help them, always cracking jokes to lighten the mood; to you, he was the devil’s incarnate: constantly looking for new ways to annoy you, taunting you at every possible instance -- the only time he’d gone out of his way for you was when he nitpicked through 5 of your cases, correcting any spelling mistakes and gaps. Long story short, Hwang Hyunjin was annoying. Great at his job -- there was no doubt about that -- but infuriating nonetheless.

“Anyway,” you sighed out, “goodbye, Hyunjin!”

Just as your free hand grabbed hold of the door knob, he yelled, “Wait!” Another sigh left you as you dropped the handle to turn around, raising a brow at him. A smirk briefly fluttered across his face, not quick enough for you to miss and it left you mentally questioning why you were still listening to him. “I heard you had a date tonight.” He watched you carefully, eyes meticulously observing every slight movement you made; you bit your tongue, not wanting to play into his games. When you gave no visible response, he continued, “Is it true?” He tilted his head innocently, but he was far from it, and you knew that.

You were sure he knew the answer to his own question, so why bother asking? To annoy you, of course.

“You’re a detective, work it out.”

-

Shutting your last folder, you heaved out a long sigh, rubbing the fatigue from your eyes. You were finally done. If you left now, you’d make it back to your apartment with enough time to shower before you needed to get ready and leave.

You grabbed the set of files you had just completed, pushing yourself away from your desk to put them away in the correct places. When you get back to your desk, Captain Woojin is there and you’re already dreading what he has to say.

“You’ve finished, right, y/n?”

Great. He probably had a ton of files in his office that needed completing, if the load in his hand was reflective of anything. He was probably watching and waiting -- like some sort of apex predator, a ravenous shark -- for someone to finish so he could dish out even more files, because who makes plans on a Friday evening? It wouldn’t hurt to lie to him, would it? No harm would be done, right?

“Yeah, I’m done.” You couldn’t lie. It would just hurt your conscience. Maybe this was a sign from the universe to not go on that blind date.

"Great, I can take those files for you, could you just drop this package off at the front desk?"

"Yeah, no problem." Could it be? Freedom? "Is that all?"

"Yes, thank you. Wouldn't want to keep your date waiting, right?"

The smile that had just started forming on your face was instantly wiped away when you saw the small grin on his face. He stacked the remaining files in his hand on Hyunjin's desk before leaving. You barely registered the snickers that left Hyunjin and Seungmin as you said your goodbyes and finally took leave.

Why did you ever think telling Felix about it was a good idea? Damn Detectives and their love for gossip.

-

It was a rush job but you made it on time. Getting home was fairly quick since you missed the rush hour traffic, and you're pretty sure that was the quickest you've ever showered and gotten ready in - if your date didn't appreciate all this effort, you were going to flip.

The place was fairly fancy -- low lighting, regal colours, the whole shebang -- and when the waiter led you to the reserved table, you couldn't help but look around at other diners' plates. Seriously, where was the rest of the meal? What was the point in having great tasting food if it barely filled you up? The pizza place a couple of blocks down seemed much more appealing right now, but you had to at least try to have fun today. 

15 minutes. It had only been fifteen minutes but your eyes were drooping and your date still wasn't here. Once another ten went by, you picked up your phone and messaged the oh-so-amazing friend of yours that had set up this date in the first place.

You: chan???

You: hes not here and im tired, can i go home now??

Chan: He's not? :(

Chan: One sec, I'm messaging him

As you waited, you decided rubbing your freedom in Felix's face was a great pastime.

You: you still alive??

You: actually no, is jisung still alive or have you finally killed him?

Felix: killing him would just be more paperwork that my ass can't handle. I'm seeing folders every time i blink, put me out of my misery

You: you're still there??

Felix: lmao no, the Mins and i escaped, and Cap kicked Sung out when he started singing I Want It That Way

Felix: so your boy Hyunjinnie is the only one there ;^) must be a shit date if you're here texting me, but you could go in and keep him company if you know what i mean ;)))) 

You: i have no idea what you mean

After seeing the series of hearts and kiss emojis he sent you after, you came to the conclusion ignoring Felix was a much better pastime.

Chan: Shit

Chan: Asshole's not replying to me

Chan: I'm sorry y/n :/

Chan: Wtf he left me on read wtf

Chan: I'm pretty sure he's already given his card details to that place, rinse his money

After confirming with your waiter, who probably realised that you had been stood up, you decided to make good on what Chan said and buy some food. If the guy wasn't going to show up, you weren't just going to let an open tab go to waste.

You ordered two of the most expensive meals off the menu and a slice of cheesecake to lift up your mood.

-

Why did the precinct have to be there on your way back? As soon as you passed it, you remembered what Felix said about Hyunjin still being there. You wondered why he was staying back when the others had gotten out earlier, and you blame that reasoning alone for why you turned your car around and headed into the building. 

He really was there. Legs on his desk, keyboard on his lap, typing with one hand and drinking coffee with the other, Hyunjin was a sight to behold. His shirt was crumpled, sleeves creased from being rolled up, and his hair was wild, sticking up at gravity-defying angles. You watched as his eyes skimmed over the text on his computer, unblinking even as he took another sip from the mug.

"Wow, you look like shit." You grinned, dropping the takeaway bags on your desk. You laughed when your presence startled him into jumping, coffee splashing down his forearm, chair rolling away from his desk, keyboard hanging dangerously over the edge.

"Y-You're back?"

"Clearly," amusement never left your eyes as you watched him fix his dishevelled state. You tossed the box of tissues on your desk to him and he smiled in thanks. Once he had finally wiped away the mess, picked up his keyboard and tamed his hair, he leaned back in his chair and swivelled to face you. 

"Bad date?" The smirk on his face did nothing to make you forget the vision you just saw, and you would not let him have the upper hand.

"I just saw you singing Thank you, Next, don't try to mock me."

"I'll buy you coffee for a month if you don't tell the others?"

"Two months."

He huffed, but agreed anyway.

"And you have to get it from Carla's place."

"But that's so far away," he whined, pouting and all.

"I got the whole thing on video, so…"

"I'd be honoured to go!"

After a couple of minutes of (strangely comfortable) silence, you spoke up. "Have you even eaten yet?"

"Must've been a real bad date if you got takeaway," he snorted, rolling his chair to your desk before leaning an elbow on it, "What've you got?"

You pulled out the three containers, pushing one over to Hyunjin. "Ooh, Valentino's, how fancy." He rolled back to his desk, rummaging through a drawer to pull out the cutlery he had stashed there. You did the same as he shimmied back -- you had learned, rather quickly in your first week here, that it was best to keep your dishes safe in your desks if you wanted them to stay clean.

The food was still fairly warm as you ate, but, like all fancy restaurants, there was barely any food there to eat. Even after you split the cheesecake, you could feel your stomach on the edge of rumbling, and taking one look at Hyunjin told you he felt the same.

"You up for Chinese?" He grinned, licking away the remnants of cream from his fork, "I'll even pay."

"You done with your reports?" You glanced at his abandoned computer as he groaned.

"I hate Cap."

You laughed as he dragged a hand down his face, letting out a tired sigh. "He gave you more?"

"Well, yeah, sorta, I kinda asked for them."

"You deserve this then." You chuckled, curiously continuing, "Why'd you do that?"

At that, he chanced a glance at you before looking down at the fork he was twiddling between his fingers. "He was gonna give 'em to you, but I told him you had a date."

You narrowed your eyes at him, "Now why would you do that?"

He shrugged, as though he hadn't just lightened your load despite your rivalry, "You had plans, I didn't. Plus, you could use the break," then, in true annoying Hyunjin fashion, he smirked, "you look like shit."

You didn't dignify that with a verbal response, choosing to kick -- not so lightly -- him in the shin. You grinned at his yelped curse. He leaned down to rub his leg, pouting, "I was kidding- fuck, that hurts, you look…" he took the chance to scrutinise your appearance, eyes dancing with mirth as you shifted under his gaze. "You look okay."

"Okay?"

"Fine." He huffed, "you look fine. Alright. Decent. Nice."

He had rolled back to his desk before you could recognise his rising blush or form a reply. Was that supposed to be a compliment? He was so focussed on his screen now that you decided it must have been a compliment if he was shying away from you now. You smiled at that -- seriously, y/n? falling for the enemy? -- before you grabbed the used cutlery, going to the break room to wash them.

-

Once you finished washing up in the tiny sink, you headed over to Hyunjin. You hid your smirk when he tensed up ever so slightly as you dropped his cutlery on his desk; he took extra care in keeping his eyes on his screen, but you still noticed the slight hitch in the way he tapped at his keyboard, giving away his nerves to your trained eye.

Was he seriously still nervous about having given you a compliment? Did he regret it?

You said nothing, however, choosing to head back to your own desk before leaving the precinct. Without so much as a goodbye, Hyunjin watched -- eyes downcast, yet you'd never know -- as you walked away.

-

Hyunjin was a detective. A damn good detective, and he got your signal loud and clear.

Taking your reports from Woojin was a leap of faith, of sorts; he never intended on telling you that he took them -- or worse, why he really did -- but he thought that lightening your load on a Friday evening was a nice gesture and possibly a step in the right direction.

He thought, for once, the universe was working out in his favour, because even though he had piled on more work for himself than necessary, the stars aligned and you were brought back to him. God, his internal monologue was dramatic.

It was a crush. For the past three weeks and four days, Hyunjin had developed a somewhat crush on you. The teasing continued, of course, but the longing gazes he gave you -- which, thankfully, you never seemed to notice -- made him awfully aware of how much he liked spending time with you, even if you were spitting fire and mocking him.

But now, your rejection was blatantly obvious. Like a siren wailing right in front of him, he got the message. You completely ignored his compliment -- a sad attempt, really, but it was something -- and Hyunjin knew you knew what he was really hinting at (y/n, you look more than just okay, you look--) but words, it seemed, just weren't his forte, and he swivelled his chair away before he had to face the disgust that probably painted your face. And you said nothing. The silence that followed was deafening because he realised his shitty compliment -- yes, he'd finally come to terms that it was pathetic -- had made you feel so awkward, so uncomfortable, that you couldn't even speak to him; instead, he had to listen to water splashing, cutlery tinkling and you walking away.

--stunning.

-

He wasn't asleep. He had half a mind to just shove whoever kept poking him and not letting him wallow in his arms. He was allowed to be sad: the person he kind of, maybe, possibly, had feelings for had just up and left him alone in an empty squad room, he could pout for a few moments longer. The incessant nudges didn't poke through Hyunjin's bubble and it made him wonder, one, who the hell was still touching him? and two, what was the goddamn time, because he was sure the pokes had lasted forever and a day, and he still had two more reports to go over.

On a newly-thought-of third note, it made him finally aware of the scent of spices weaseling into his pity party.

His head snapped up, jaw dropping only slightly when he saw it was you.

Really and truly, you. 

Holding Chinese from that one store just down the road.

Fucking finally, you muttered, but he was still shocked that you were here, on your own chair, but right beside him, with more containers actually filled to the brim with his favourite food from his favourite place.

But more importantly, you were right beside him.

"Dig in," you murmured, waiting for him to start eating first.

You were momentarily blinded by the grin he gave you, before he began eating and you followed.

After you finished eating -- hunger thoroughly sated -- you decided that maybe spending some more time with Hyunjin wouldn't be so bad.

No, you were only going to stay because technically these were your reports and you didn't want to owe him any favours he could use against you. It wasn't because two weeks and five days ago you had developed a small, barely there, practically non-existent, crush on the man beside you.

It certainly wasn't because you were totally aware now of the way he was smiling at you as you proofread the final report.

And it most definitely wasn't because his lips had your own turning up into a smile.

"You're staring." You said, eyes skimming through line after line of police work.

"I know."

"Why?"

"Because…" he trailed off, scooting the slightest bit closer as his arm snaked around the back of your chair so he could roll you even closer too, "you look--"

-

yo pls tell me wtf this is bc i have no idea. it's almost 4am, im at 11% but ya boi is done™ hope u liked this bc i had no idea where i was going with this, the idea was a lot cuter in my head but oh well :'') 

[evilrubberducke]

Better Together- Chapter 6- Fight You For Him

After quite a while, chapter 6 is finally here! In this chapter costumes are donned, a battle is fought, and a truce is grudgingly reached! I hope you all enjoy, and are having a happy New Year!

Available to read on: AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19985089/chapters/52697851 FF.Net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13359634/6/Better-Together

Teaser below cut-

Even though he should have expected it, the empty place at the table the next morning sent a spike of pain through Izuku’s chest. Katsuki hadn’t shown up for breakfast, or even texted anything since the previous night. The fact that Inko had laid out a place and cooked extra for the boy only made his absence more apparent.

Izuku couldn't blame his mother. He hadn't told her about his and Katsuki's disagreement yet, partially because he'd been busy explaining the events of the entrance exam to her, and partially out of an irrational worry that if he spoke about the disagreement it would somehow make things worse.

Not that he could really change the situation. He'd tried to bring it up to both Katsuki and Uraraka the night before via text, but neither had been receptive. Uraraka had told him that she wasn’t in the mood to discuss the confrontation while Katsuki had simply ignored the messages. Izuku couldn’t quite blame either of them, but he wished that there was some way to fix things. The thought of his two best friends growing to despise each other filled him with a sense of dread and despair. 

“Izuku, is everything okay?” Inko asked, interrupting his thoughts. “You looked like you were feeling down last night, and I can’t help but wonder if that has something to do with Katsuki not showing up today…”

Slowly, Izuku nodded. “Y-Yeah. There was a… misunderstanding yesterday. Kacchan and Uraraka ended up fighting because of me. I wanted to do something to fix it, but I just didn’t know what to say. And then it was too late, and now neither of them want to talk about it. I just… I just want them to get along.”

Inko reached across the table and laid her hand on Izuku’s, patting it gently. “Oh honey. I know that must be tough. But Izuku, you can’t always fix things for other people. Sometimes they just have to work things out for themselves.”

Izuku’s heart sank. A small part of him knew she was right. There was nothing he could say that would make Katsuki change his mind at this point. Uraraka might come around given an explanation and some time, but that was assuming that nothing else went wrong in the meantime. Knowing Katsuki as well as he did, Izuku knew that his friend would say or do something in that time that would just take them back to square one. 

"You don't need to worry though," Inko said, drawing his attention back to her. "Katsuki is a lot like his mother was at that age. He just needs some time to blow off steam. Once he's done, he'll be back. Mark my words."

"Thanks Mom," Izuku said. 

She gave his hand a final squeeze before drawing back to collect the dishes. "You're welcome dear. You should hurry up though, or you might miss the train."

Izuku glanced at the clock and saw that he only had five minutes left to get ready. He scarfed down his breakfast, choking a little in his haste, and rushed through the rest of his preparations.

---

It was close, but Izuku barely managed to make it to the platform in time to catch the train. For once, his anxiety had actually helped him out. Before the start of the school year, Izuku had taken the time to measure his commute to UA and to find the path with the least amount of foot traffic. Thanks to this, he was able to run almost the entire way to the platform at a dead sprint and make up much of his lost time.

The platform was crowded with commuters on their way to work and other students on their way to school. In the sea of dark business suits and dull highschool uniforms, UA’s own uniform stood out like a beacon, and drew Izuku’s eyes to the only other person on the platform wearing one. 

Katsuki stood near the edge of the platform, arms crossed and a single finger tapping a furious rhythm while he glared at anyone who came near him. The rest of the crowd had obliged his attitude by keeping as far away from him as they could given the limited space available.

“Umm, g-good morning Kacchan,” Izuku said, trying his best to swallow his nerves as he made his way up to his friend.

“‘Sup,” he replied, his tone only slightly more antagonistic than normal.

“Oh, just… uh, waiting for the train, you know?” Izuku replied, cringing internally at how lame he sounded. 

Katsuki only sighed at that before looking Izuku dead in the eyes. “Please tell me you’re not gonna be like that all day.”

When Izuku didn’t respond, Katsuki reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. After a couple of moments fooling with it, he found what he was searching for and held the device out to Izuku. Glancing down, Izuku found that it was an article about a new local hero who had managed to stop a bank robbery single-handedly the day before. Izuku vaguely remembered seeing some buzz about the incident on the hero forums he frequented the night before, but he had been too tired and too out of sorts to dive deep into the information.

Izuku looked up from the phone, causing Katsuki to roll his eyes in exasperation. “It’s a distraction, dumbass. I don’t want to have to hear you stuttering through small talk the rest of the way to UA. So, and I can’t believe I’m saying this, go full hero nerd on this. Give me a break down. Strengths, weaknesses, who he'd be good partners with, the whole shebang."

The knot of tension that had been growing in Izuku's stomach all morning relaxed at the offer. True, they were putting off dealing with the problem for later, but that was pretty much how Katsuki dealt with any problem he couldn’t intimidate or beat into submission. It was a solution, however, and at this point Izuku was willing to take anything.

The train ride blurred by as Izuku broke down the new hero. He didn’t have a whole lot to go on, since the bank robbers hadn’t put up much of a fight, so a fair amount of his analysis ended up being guesswork, but he did his best. Despite his best efforts to keep his voice down, his eager analysis earned him a few questioning looks from the other passengers in the car, but after they saw his uniform most of those looks changed to ones of understanding. Izuku even heard a few commenting on his diligence and forethought. 

It was odd to hear. For so many years, everyone besides Katsuki had referred to his analysis as creepy or obsessive. The sudden reversal of attitude gave him a sense of whiplash.

"Fuckin’ turncoats," Katsuki muttered, as if reading Izuku's thoughts. 

Izuku placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, but didn't respond to the statement. Instead, he continued with his analysis as if nothing had happened. After all, the analysis was for Katsuki and him, and he had more than enough experience tuning other people out.

By the end of the train ride, Izuku felt like things were almost back to normal, which was, of course, when things went horribly wrong.

"Morning Deku!" Uraraka said, sweet as could be.

Katsuki instantly tensed, his slouch becoming even more pronounced as he glared from under his hair at the new arrival. As before, Uraraka didn’t even flinch. She kept a bright smile on her face, though it didn’t reach her eyes in the slightest. 

"M-M-Morning Uraraka." Izuku felt his back stiffen as his friends locked eyes. 

You could cut the tension with a knife, and even the surrounding crowd could feel it. Despite the bustle of the emerging passengers, not a single person came within five feet of them. Even Izuku found himself wanting to keep away, though he resisted the urge. He needed to stay close, to be ready to intervene if things should go south. Not that he was entirely sure what he could, or even should do in such a situation. Who would he even help in such a case?

In the end, however, Izuku didn't have to choose. Before a fight could break out, Uraraka broke eye contact with Katsuki and stepped forward, planting herself firmly at Izuku's right side, directly opposite Katsuki. 

"Ready for our first heroics class?" she asked with the same level of bright enthusiasm she always displayed. Only a hint of tension in her voice spoke to any other emotions she was feeling. 

"I, uhm, not-not really?" Izuku replied, glancing between the two. They were both pointedly facing forward, avoiding any chance of accidental interaction.

“That’s fair,” she said, “I’m pretty nervous myself. But I’m kinda excited too. I mean, imagine if they let us start rescue training on the first day? Wouldn’t that be cool?”

Izuku nodded slowly in agreement. In his opinion, learning how to save people was one of the most important steps to becoming a hero, and he couldn’t wait for the lesson. In fact, Uraraka’s words had reignited the excitement inside him that had been buried by his worries over her and Katsuki’s fight. His back straightened a little as he imagined himself saving people like he’d watched All Might do a million times, a reassuring smile on his face the entire time.

“Come on!” Uraraka said, the smile on her own face growing when she saw his reaction. She grabbed his arm and began to pull him towards UA. “Let’s hurry up and get to class!” 

Izuku worried for a brief moment about Katsuki’s reaction to her actions, but the blond boy merely clicked his tongue and matched their pace.

It wasn’t exactly how he had pictured it, but Izuku found himself walking to school with his two best friends, and couldn’t help but be a little happy at the development.

Read the rest on AO3 or FF.Net! Links available on my profile page, should Tumblr delete them.

[ahtohallan-calling]

chapter 15 of don’t read the last page is here!

masterpost

[kristanna / m / multichap / modern au with actress!anna and vetstudent!kristoff]

"I just want to go back to sleep," she said; really she wanted to go back to this summer, when she had so hated the long stretches of empty days and taken for granted the seemingly endless hours they had spent together laughing and talking and kissing each other senseless and never once imagining how hard it was going to be.

"Then sleep, baby," Kristoff murmured, and by the way his arms tightened around her she knew he wanted the same.

chapter 15: new year

"Why is anyone calling me at eight in the morning on New Year's?"

She burrowed deeper under the blankets, squeezing her eyes shut and willing the whole damn world to just shut up. She hadn’t thought she’d had much to drink last night, but her head ached, and her mouth was fuzzy, and they had never made it to the shower so now she was pretty sure there was lipstick and mascara smeared all over her face, but more importantly this was their day, and she didn’t want anything to ruin it.

"It's not just anyone, baby, that's Sam's ringtone," Kristoff said, his voice still rough with sleep, as he gently rubbed a circle between her shoulder blades.

She ignored it anyway. Anything definitely included overeager calls from her agent who was still somewhat giddy at her newfound fame. Instead she focused her attention on Kristoff’s bare chest, pressing little kisses to it and smiling faintly when she felt his heartbeat accelerate beneath her touch.

Eventually, the phone went silent, but she didn't even have time to sigh in relief before it started ringing again. Kristoff pulled away from her just enough to get the phone and set it on the bed, accepting the call. "Hey, Sam. You're on speaker."

"Hey, kid. And hey to Anna, too. I'm sorry to call this early, wish I wasn't up, either."

"Just tell me what it is, Sam," Anna said, reluctantly turning over so her voice wouldn't be muffled against Kristoff's skin. "So we can all get it over with and get back to bed."

"Good news or bad news?"

"Good first."

"You've gained a thousand new Twitter followers in the last...uh...half hour? And everyone's excited to see you really can sing."

For a moment she was confused; how were those connected, and why did he need to tell her right now?

And then it hit her.

"Oh, god, Sam," she said, her voice already shaking. "But Hans said…"

"Someone didn't listen. They filmed the two of you singing 'Auld Lang Syne'. And, uh...people already noticed you guys matched each other. And the confetti. And came to...conclusions."

Kristoff stiffened beside her. "Can't you get it taken down?" he asked.

"Three different sources leaked it. And it's been reported on already. It happened so fast-- Lena found out half an hour after the first tweet, and by then I was already fielding interview requests for you. By the time we got all the official sources to delete it…"

"A bunch of random people will have already saved it," Anna said, her voice tight. "So it's here to stay."

Sam sighed. "This is on me and Lena, kiddo. Should've been more on top of this, shouldn't have encouraged you so much to go. I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Anna said, her vision quickly growing blurry.

"How do you want to handle this?"

"I don't know, Sam."

"I know it's hard, but the sooner we--"

"I said I don't know," she snapped.

For a moment there was only silence. When Sam spoke again, his voice was soft. "I'm sorry, Anna. Let me talk to Lena. We'll come up with a couple of options. You call me later when you're ready, okay?"

She didn't respond. After a moment, Kristoff cleared his throat. "She says okay. Thanks, Sam."

He hung up the phone and tossed it across the room, where it landed in the laundry basket. "Hole in one," Anna said weakly, and burst into tears.

He didn't speak; he just put his arms around her as she sobbed into her hands, holding her close against his chest. "One fucking day," she choked out. "I wanted one fucking day to just be us again."

"I know," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"I don't know what to do. Like, where to even start, I--"

She trailed off, too confused and overwhelmed to begin to put it all into words. Instead she turned over in Kristoff's embrace to tuck her chin over his shoulder, inhaling the familiar warm scent of him, and fought to hold back a fresh wave of tears.

"I just want to go back to sleep," she said; really she wanted to go back to this summer, when she had so hated the long stretches of empty days and taken for granted the seemingly endless hours they had spent together laughing and talking and kissing each other senseless and never once imagining how hard it was going to be.

"Then sleep, baby," Kristoff murmured, and by the way his arms tightened around her she knew he wanted the same.

---

She hadn’t meant to actually fall asleep, had intended to lay there all morning with him, letting herself be comforted even though they both already knew the fallout from this would hurt him, too. But suddenly she was blinking awake, her head pounding and her mouth dry, as Kristoff carefully wriggled out from beneath her; somehow he had ended up on his back with her curled around and over his side, her head pillowed on his chest.

“Kris?”

“Go back to sleep,” he said softly as he slid out of bed. “I’ll be right back.”

“No, my head hurts,” she mumbled, rubbing at her eyes as she followed him. “I wanna drink some water.”

“Okay. I’m gonna take a shower.”

For a moment she felt nothing but contentment as she watched him stretch, the muscles in his back rippling with the movement, and amble out of the room and down the hall wearing nothing but low-slung sweatpants. She considered following after him and surprising him in the shower-- she really did want to get all the hairspray out, and there was room for both of them, and he surely wouldn’t mind, and then she remembered the morning’s phone call and felt a cold wave of dread wash over her, tears already pricking at the back of her eyes.

How many more times had the video been shared? How many more people had seen it and wondered if she and Hans were dating? How many people had already been calling Lena asking for a comment on her relationship status?

Now she didn’t feel like crying; she felt like throwing up. What had she gotten Kristoff into? She didn’t particularly care about what people thought about her, so long as they still liked her, but he hadn’t asked for any of this, had never done anything but support her, and now he was faced with either becoming a public figure or watching the whole world believe she was with someone else. And he started clinicals next week, and she was going to be insanely busy as they rushed to get as much done as possible before going to Russia, and already they had both been so stressed and--

“Pull yourself together, Anna,” she muttered under her breath, pinching her arm to force herself back into the present moment. “Throwing a pity party won’t fix it.”

She retrieved her discarded phone from the hamper and shot off a quick text to Sam, asking if they could do a conference Skype call in half an hour. And Kristoff will be in on it if he wants, she added in a followup message. He’s part of this too.

Sure, came the reply only a couple of minutes later. Lena and I think we have some ideas worked out. And of course, no problem.

“Kris?” she called, padding down the hall and slipping into the bathroom. “We’re gonna do a video conference at ten-thirty. I told Sam you’ll be there. If you want to, I mean.”

He pulled aside the shower curtain, shampoo still in his hair. “Of course.”

He said it so easily, without any hesitation, that she couldn’t help but kiss him. He grinned when she pulled away and asked, “Care to join me?”

“We’ll be late for the call then.”

“So we’ll just kiss. And you can make sure I don’t have any more lipstick on my back.”

“Well. When you put it that way…”

They were only five minutes late, both of them still rosy-cheeked and damp as they set the laptop on the kitchen table and crowded next to each other. Anna was still grinning when the dial tone began, but the moment she saw Sam and Lena’s somber expressions her smile swirled away as if it had been swept down the drain with the bubbles.

“Sam and I have been talking all morning. We’ve put together three options,” Lena said without preamble. “Option one, you come out and tell people about your relationship with Kristoff. Option two, you say nothing and hope that people forget about this. Which they won’t unless someone else does something juicier, but it is an option. And option three...we lean into this. Drop some hints that you and Westergaard actually are dating. I can get in touch with his people, see if they want to set up an arrangement, the whole shebang.”

Anna felt her cheeks grow hot. “Why would I ever do that?”

“You’ve gained ten thousand followers between Twitter and Instagram just this morning, while most of the world is still in bed hungover. He’s a huge star, and doing that would raise your profile and the movie’s. It’d be a huge boost to your career, and it wouldn’t have to be forever.”

Anna pressed her lips into a thin line, not trusting herself to speak. Sam, looking torn himself, said, “It’s up to you, kiddo. But we can make lemons outta lemonade.”

“I’m not going to cheat on my boyfriend.”

“It’s not cheating,” Lena cut in, “it’s acting. Same as you kissing him onscreen.”

“It’s different, it’s--”

“I think she should do it,” Kristoff said suddenly. 

For the second time that morning, Anna thought she was going to be sick. She didn’t dare to look at him; instead she kept her gaze just above the top part of the screen, focusing intently on the cactus they had bought last week to keep in the living room. “Because I know you want a pet someday,” he had told her, “but we gotta make sure we’re responsible enough for one, and I figured that’s a good place to start, and yes, before you ask, we can name it.”

Sam was saying something, but she couldn’t hear him over the roaring in her ears. Kris responded, and from the corner of her eye, she saw him nod. “Okay, then,” Lena said, “Anna, I can call his team tonight if you--”

“No!” Anna said, horrified that any of them were even considering it. “I’m not-- Jesus fucking Christ, I could never just-- just do that…”

“Hang on,” Kristoff said, turning off their video and audio and muting the computer before reaching over to clasp her hands. “Anna, baby…”

His eyes were too soft, too full of love; that made it worse, somehow, that he thought this was the right way to love her. “I don’t ever want to hold back your career. We’ll still know the truth, right? That’s what’s important.”

She shook her head fiercely. “No. I-- no. It just feels wrong, Kris. I hate keeping us secret, but I’d hate just blatantly lying about it even more. And I don’t want to boost my career like this, with something just...made-up. And-- fuck, when you weren’t there I realized you and Honey were right, and I...god. I don’t care if that’s the best option. I don’t want to take it.”

He squeezed her hands. “Okay.”

“Okay?” “Yeah. Do you...do you want to go public then?”

“Do you?”

His voice was unsure. “I...can, if you want me to. I’ll just...you know, warn the clinic I’m working with in case of--”

“No. Nope. Don’t say anything else.”

“Anna--”

It was her turn to squeeze his hands. “Be one hundred percent honest with me right now, Kristoff. This isn’t just about me. What do you want?”

She held his gaze, watched as a sadness crept into his eyes and knew that he was going to break her heart and put it back together in one fell swoop. “You. Even if I have to share you with the world. Whatever that means, whatever I have to do, I just...I want to share a life with you, Anna. My whole life, actually, if we can swing it. And maybe someday I’ll be able to be what you need and be able to be in the spotlight with you and--”

“Kris, baby, I--” 

She was starting to tear up again. “You’re already what I need. And I-- I want the same thing, even if you’re never ready to go public. And I love you so much, and I’m so sorry that any of this is even on the table.”

He leaned forward to press his forehead against hers. They both drew in a deep breath that escaped in huffs of laughter when they realized what they had done. “Love you back,” he murmured, giving her a soft kiss. “Should we, uh, turn our video back on and finish the call?”

“If we have to.”

Lena was tapping her fingers impatiently; she stopped, looking embarrassed when the call resumed. “Did we come to a decision?”

Kristoff looked over at Anna; she nodded firmly. “Yes. We’re taking option two.”

“Are you sure? This is an opportunity to--”

“Get a new publicist? Interesting suggestion.”

Lena’s mouth snapped shut. Kristoff and Sam both shot her a surprised glance; she was never harsh like this. Well, she thought, times are changing in more ways than one.

“Alright, then,” Sam said at last. “Whatever you want, kiddo. Guess we’ll just...wait and see.”

[nightcoremoon]

for the record I'm not actually upset over the comments people are making. I've been doing the internet fight thing for 15 years. but here's an anecdote.

a couple years ago when Discourse™ first got its start, I saw a post. it said "saying 'my dude' is antiblack racist because it's just a watered down way of saying 'my n*gga'" except he actually said the word because op was black. and I was like. what the fuck am I reading. I check the notes and he's all like "if you're white you're not allowed to disagree with me". I'm like wha. granted there were a bunch of people who had said "I'm black and you're an idiot" and it died out and lo and behold if I say my dude I don't get crucified by black people so it's clearly not racist.

then a meme surfaced. you start ranting and raving in a really long sentence or something that's usually directed towards people who do or say bigoted things and then ending it with a comma and a soccermom name, KAREN. it was used pretty much everywhere by everyone. but then one strangely peculiar thing happened.

people started sending anonymous suicide baits to people who used that meme, because "that meme was created by black people so it's culturally appropriating black culture to use that meme if you're white". including one trans kid who was like 14, living in an abusive and homophobic household. he used it in a vent post. and in the notes at least three people were harassing him about it. he deleted his blog. I worry he might have killed himself.

the people who were sending the messages were in their early to mid 20s. to a 14 year old kid. because he used a black created meme. to vent about his abusive household. I shouldn't have to explain how fucked up that is.

anyway I'd come to his defense and made a post about how it's ridiculous to cyberbully a child because he used a meme he didn't have the license to use. and tumblr flipped out. I had hundreds of messages from people calling me a nazi. yeah sure a disabled mentally ill queer trans leftist is totally a nazi. right. they said I was racist, they said I was homophobic to gay black people, they said that I was a liar who fabricated that story I told earlier about that kid because by the time people were asking for receipts the post was deleted. I got suicide baited, threatened, the whole shebang.

I didn't care. I was just irritated by the huge influx of messages. it was an inconvenience. after the life I lead, mean words on the internet from a spineless coward hiding behind the veil of anonymity are water off a duck's back. yes I might use fuckin profanity or italicized fonts or CAPITAL LETTERS for emphasis, but it's because I'm a wordsmith. language is an art form. a keyboard is my brush. I'm proud of my ability to harness the english language and twist and contort it to my own specifications. I can use it for great good, in helping people through tough times with inspiring words that incite courage, for great funny, in jokes that might take some thinking and context to really understand (especially puns), for great sexy (talking dirty basically but only with certain people and when the time is right), or for insulting people. anyone who knows me knows that I'm a good person and that the only people who ever know what it's like to receive a tongue lashing are the ones who fucking deserve it. not the people who see a single text post taken out of context as a basis to judge my entire character on. but I enjoy it. I enjoy using words as weapons on the battlefield of discourse. it's because I'm good at it. beyond the abilities of most opponents which is unfortunate because it just sails right over their heads most of the time but still, my fellow intelligent company is able to grasp the meanings and intentions of both sides. I excel at this. and the fact that I don't take things personally (I'll certainly pretend to when it'll gain me the advantage) is just icing on the cake.

there is just one problem though.

I'm autistic and possess hyperempathy.

"what does that have to do with this?"

see, here's the thing. if some random person makes an offhand comment intended as a joke but didn't really have the "correct" amount of blatant humor injected into it, and you are the type of person to then go to them and tell them they'd be better off dead, they're just a retard who should stop posting, nobody cares about them, whatever, you are NOT the type of person to think "hmm this person's only 14, maybe I should reconsider the choice to send them a death threat" or "oh hey this person has depression, perhaps I'll remove that suicide bait part and replace it with rainbow lollipops and unicorn stickers :3". you don't give a fuck about all that. you just wanna reap destruction and watch the world burn. you wouldn't give a fuck if that kid commits suicide because you don't have any compassion or empathy. if you would send the kind of shit you sent me to anyone, and I had the chance to meet you in person, I'd make you swallow your own teeth.

these anons don't care how old I am. they don't care what my mental state is. they don't care about any of that shit. they only care about inflicting pain, deserved or not, and all over dumb shitposts. over "lmao if you break up over mario kart you're kind of immature and should work on your relationship skills :P". over saying Karen at the end of your sentence. over greeting a friend with "my dude". over liking steven universe. it doesn't matter what the topic of the day is. any excuse will do to go for the proverbial jugular.

the existence of these people is what pisses me off more than the actual things that they say. how dare you exist. how dare you spread hate. how dare you not be a paragon of human decency. if someone says something racist or homophobic or antisemitic or misogynistic or body shaming or pro fascist or bootlicking or genocidal or anything contributing directly to harmful actions towards people based on their demographics rather than the choices that they make, fuck 'em. you lost my compassion for you. you're a piece of old chewing gum under a table. you're a little chunk of dookie that didn't get flushed. you're a moldy apricot pit at the bottom of an unlined trash can. you made a conscious choice to be a bad person. if you are a literal nazi, I'd remove your bones and then put them back in the wrong places without any anesthetic. if you are bigoted because society brainwashed you, I'd call you character into question and point out your hypocrisy. if you made a dumb joke on a shitpost I'd just scroll past because I'm not gonna waste my time on you. but if you would tell a kid to kill themself, you bet your ass I'll tear into you like hungry wolves into a deer carcass with zero remorse or sense of your own feewings. if you want me to care about the feelings of terrible people, you have another thing coming. if they would hurt people who don't deserve it, they're on the shit list.

and I refuse to be told that I'm a bad person because of that. severe, yes. ruthless, maybe. evil? that's pushing it a lot. a little unhinged? I've not been hinged since I was 3 years old. an asshole? I vehemently disagree considering the people i'm rude to are themselves assholes; this isn't some edgy friedrich nietsche quote taken out of context. merciless? okay I'll give you that. but a bad person? fuck that and fuck you.

you don't get to judge my character because I'm ~mean~ to dickheads.

in fact I'm somehow more pissed off at those people than the people sending the shitty messages in the first place. lashing out I can understand because that was me once upon a time. but passive neutrality under guise as absolute good? you're attacking the reaction. you're centrists attacking antifa. you're part of the problem. especially when you use sneaky tactics that take advantage of good nature, "heyyyyy buddy, let's talk about your anger issues, are you okaaaaaay, taaaaalk to me, you need to apologize to the people who want you dead because you were mean to them and that means you deserve it". literal cult tactics. evil. actual legitimate active performed evil. or just an ignorant misguided fool that thinks he's the dalai lama. but... pride is a deadly sin after all.

anyway tl;dr i don't give a shit about the actual things you say to me. the only thing that pisses me off is the fact that you'd say those things to another person completely unprovoked, no matter who that person is.

[thexduchess-blog1]

Reflections.

Unattached

The whole unattached thing. As a general rule, with play-partners, FwB and fuckbuddys, I don’t get attached. It gets messy, boundaries are crossed and people catch feelings and it’s just, ugh. No.

There’s a thing I’ve been meaning to do, and that’s reflect on last years, and last weeks explosive, Krakatoa level eruptions that essentially convinced me that everyone is a lying cunt, and I can never properly trust anyone ever again because holy fuck, this is a belter.

Without going into ridiculously specific detail that would identify the piece of shit scumbag wanker, as much as I want to, I won’t.

Around 10/11 years ago I became friends with a guy, and at first we just fooled around but it eventually developed into a pretty serious and committed D/s relationship. Life got in the way occasionally but we always came back together and fell right back into place with each other. We saw each other 3 times a week, went away together, attended events together, and holy fuck the sex was amazing, but so were the lazy mornings, sending pictures to each other at work, goodnight phone calls and late nights getting high under the stars. We explored a lot together, found our limits and what we liked, and things we REALLY liked xD we found our roles and I still identify with those roles. He was my first Daddy, first ‘real’ Dom, I was his first baby, his sub. We helped each other through a hell of a lot. No, we weren’t exclusive, but there were periods where we were. For 10 years.

Last year, I got an email from a girl asking if I knew him. I messaged him and asked him who she was, and he confessed that that was his girlfriend. They’d been together the whole time, she was pregnant with his kid and he’d been lying the whole time, to me and her.

I had no idea she existed. Turns out he was a fucking brilliant liar.

She had caught him flirting with a girl at work, and went through his phone. Boom, all the emails, texts, pictures and phone calls between us. Photos of us together, intimate photos, explicit texts with times and dates. There was no escaping the fact he was lying. Obviously, I stopped it right then and there, explained everything to her, that I had no idea she existed, sent her screenshots of messages where he says he isn’t with anyone else, the whole shebang. I deleted and blocked every avenue of communication, apologised to her a million times.

And I shut down. Not only did I shut down, I vowed never to open up or trust anyone, I decided the best way to deal with it was to take copious amounts of cocaine & speed, various benzos and drink way, way too much over the course of about 6 weeks, self harming and starving myself out of fear, guilt and heartbreak. I was fighting, causing trouble and generally ruining my life, as I slept with all the wrong people and made all the wrong decisions. If I wasn’t in the pub, I was probably sleeping with someone, but no doubt I’d be back in the pub later.

Thing is I was still going to work through the day, owning the business allows you certain privileges, like being left the fuck alone. It wasn’t immediately obvious that I was destroying myself until my foreman came back from annual leave. He’s the same age as me, a really good friend, he’s picked me up, literally more than once. I probably don’t deserve his loyalty and kindness. He came into the office once the other boys had left, shut the door behind him and emptied my handbag across the desk in between us. Strips of pills, bags of powder and over an ounce of green came tumbling out, with grinder, mirror and old store card too.

I fought like fuck to get them back but I didn’t have a Catholic’s chance in Fountain against him. He burned everything except the green. Not before he locked me in my own office going fucking mental.

However, like the legend he is, he picked me up. I was at his sweating everything out and howling at the fucking moon because everything i’d blocked out with pills and powder came flooding in at once and I genuinely thought I was going to die if I cried anymore. I cried until I was sick and breathless, my body ached and my mind felt like it was being electrocuted. But Jai never left me. He put up with the anger, the hurt, the tears and the brief periods of laughter. He stayed with me while I ate, he held me as I shook in my sleep, he listened to every rant and sobbing monologue. I don’t think I’d have lasted much longer if he hadn’t pulled me out that hole. Either my mind or my body was going to snap under the pressure. He encouraged me to talk about what happened, and be explicit in how I felt.

I hadn’t done anything wrong. I didn’t know. I wouldn’t have entertained him if I knew. This wasn’t my fault. But I still felt guilty that he’d cheated on her, ashamed that I was partly responsible for the apparent breakdown of a relationship, I was embarrassed when I thought about how intimate we were, empty that suddenly a huge part of my life had disappeared over night, broken and desperately sad that I didn’t have that connection anymore. And that was okay.

It fucking hurt. But it wasn’t my fault.

Eventually I got a grip, gave myself a shake and with Jai holding my hand I got up off the floor and opened the curtains again. Life continued on and slowly returned to normal. I quit playing within the kink community for a while, unable to trust anyone enough to submit or obey or whatever, I focused on work and keeping myself relatively sober.

Recently, my confidence is coming back. I’ve lost a bit of weight, my tits look amazing, my nails are finally growing, I look good in jersey dresses again, lol.

I came back to fet, I went to a social last month and met a couple old friends, M & I are seeing each other regularly again and life is generally ok.

But then I got an email last week. From Him. The Ex.

“...we’ve finished, can we talk?”

He told a convincing story about being separated since she found out, they’d moved into different houses, shared custody of the kid, he’d moved workplaces etc

I went out to meet him and we went to dinner. I didn’t drink. I asked him why he lied. He gave me an excuse that didn’t even nearly explain it, but was along the lines of wanting the best of both worlds. He apparently convinced me enough that he wasn’t with her anymore, even though I prodded and poked and asked a thousand questions to make sure I wasn’t being fucking lied to again. We went back to his place, sat outside and smoked, he told me how he felt, I told him how I felt. We ended up laughing and ended up in bed. Everything fell back into place, but I made it clear there was no attachment anymore, this was a one off and it wasn’t me forgiving him. To be honest, he’s a good ride. Sue me.

Except in the early hours, I noticed the faux fur of a hooded jacket poking out the cupboard under the stairs. I flipped out. I rang Leigh to pick me up and, while checking my emails in the morning, got hit with even more shit, so I went straight to my old dealers and bought far too much coke, alcohol and green.

I locked myself in my room, sent his girlfriend an email telling her everything, including screenshots of his email, put my phone on silent, and got smashed.

I embarrassed myself and other people, I nearly fucked up something I don’t want to fuck up, I pushed my body to the limit in a matter of hours because I knew I was going to feel everything again.

Jai to the rescue. Obviously I wasn’t at work, he knew I’d gone out for dinner the night before and put 2+2 together. Whisked away to safety again, and I sobered up pretty quickly.

As before, he forced me to face the things I was feeling and be honest about them. Then told me to clear things up with people and apologise, which I did.

Last time, I said I’d never trust or open myself to anyone, but sometimes things happen that make you realise it’s not that you can’t trust anyone, you just can’t trust them. I know that might be pretty obvious to a normal person but I’m not neurotypical.

I know I need to take the steps to be more social again, to be confident and know my worth, but in all honesty my confidence has been shattered.

I’m still me. I guess I’ve still got the same humour, I’m still cynical and pretty much a cunt, i’m still sugar sweet & sour as fuck, but I just don’t have that confidence anymore. Sure, I have moments, as you can tell. I still edit out imperfections though.

It’s funny how when the person who gave you that body confidence leaves, they take it with them.

I’m a little more shy, a little less likely to start a conversation, a hell of a lot more anxious, but I’m working on it. I’ve a little self esteem growing.

I can trust people, and if I’ve told you I trust you, know wholeheartedly that I do because you make me feel comfortable.

I just don’t get attached, simply because I don’t want hurt.

I’m sure someone will ease that fear eventually, and I’m looking forward to finding someone I can see a future D/s dynamic. Maybe they’re already lurking in my peripheral. I’m gonna stay positive. Life was shit for a while there, but it seems to be picking up a bit.

I am not defined by his actions.

I know my worth, and I’m worth more than being a dirty little secret.

[partlycharlie-archive]

bring me home

summary: "Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?" Dan can't speak. "Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog." (or: the story with the dogs.) word count: 2,722 warnings: shelter dogs, mentions of animal abuse a/n: this was my fic for the @phandomficfests fic exchange, for @bonca !!! hope u enjoy

read on ao3

"Okay. Okay. Hoo boy. Wow. Okay. Are we doing this? Yeah. Okay. Wait, are you sure we - "

"Dan." After a split second of hesitation, Phil grasps Dan’s hands in his own, gloved fingers interlacing with Dan’s bare ones. Dan startles, though, just a little bit, and he tries not to react. This is fine, he reminds himself. We’re out - finally, we’re out. Everybody knows now. There’s nothing to be worried about.

He tunes back into the world and suddenly realizes Phil is speaking. "- and when we’re away, maybe Louise could take them for a bit! Or PJ, or - or maybe we could take them with us!"

"Yeah," Dan says, smiling. Phil turns to face him, and Dan watches as his face transforms: the lines around his eyes crinkle just the slightest bit, and his right ear lifts the way it does whenever his cheeks stretch, and his tongue peeks just barely from in between grinning teeth.

God, my husband is beautiful.

"You weren’t listening, were you." It’s a statement, not a question.

Dan smiles sheepishly, glancing down at his feet. "Sorry, I’m just -" He realizes that he didn’t know how to finish his sentence, but he looks back up at Phil and he knows it didn’t matter. Phil knows what he was trying to say, as always.

"Yeah," he says, squeezing Dan’s hand, "me too."

"You know, I think this'll turn out okay. We'll get - a Shiba Inu, right? And they'll be awesome, no matter what gender, and even if they're a puppy it's fine because we have a relatively large house and we can totally afford to buy puppy pads or whatever else we need to train a puppy, and if anything we can find some sort of puppy trainer. And - and if it's not a puppy, then that's great too! Because, then they'll probably be trained, and then we can just do walks and we won't have to worry about training them or anything like that, and it'll be totally just relaxing..."

"Dan, you're rambling again."

Shit.

"Sorry - sorry, I know, I know. I'm just. Nervous. I also feel like we definitely had this conversation, like, three minutes ago."

"Yeah, we did." Phil stops short in the middle of the sidewalk, and Dan almost trips over himself before his feet remember to stop when he tells them to.

"Why did we just stop?"

Phil points to the awning above their head - Starbucks, Dan realizes. "I figured we could stop for a coffee, maybe calm ourselves down a bit before we head into the shelter?"

"You really think coffee - " Dan quirks a disbelieving eyebrow, then revises his statement. "Phil, we both know coffee makes you jittery. Are you sure that's the best idea?"

"Tea?" Phil tries weakly.

Dan sighs with a tiny smile, but he pushes open the cafe door all the same. "You know, if you wanted a chance to settle down before we go, you could've just told me."

Phil blinks rapidly for a few seconds. "Are you kidding me? You think this break is for me? Dan, have you seen yourself?"

"Yeah, yeah..." Dan grumbles, but doesn't actually respond.

They get into the line and Dan pulls out his phone - yes, it's a bad habit to pull out his phone when he's just feeling bored, but it's a habit he doesn't feel like breaking, okay? - to check his messages.

There's one from Louise - good luck today!!! let me know when you get the pupper :DDD - and he smiles at it.

"Louise is happy for us," he says, tilting the phone in Phil's direction so that he can get a good look at it.

Phil grins when he sees the text. "I am too."

"Happy for us?" They move up in the line, and Dan starts to scan the pastry box - is that what it's really called? Dan feels like it's probably not, but to be honest he can't be bothered to remember - because he knows Phil is going to want something sweet when it's time for them to order, and Dan wants to be ready. Hmm... maybe the pumpkin muffin? The cheese danish looks pretty good…

"Yeah," Phil replies, knocking Dan out of his line of thought. "I'm excited."

Dan smiles at him. The cashier - pretty, with black braids tinged in green to match her nails - calls out, "Next customer, please!" and they walk up to the counter.

"Hello, how can I help you today?"

Phil smiles down at her - fucking giant that he is - and says, "This one will have a venti caramel macchiato, and I'll have a venti iced chai latte, please, and... oh, I kind of want something to eat..."

Dan cuts him off. "Cheese danish, please." Phil smiles at him gratefully.

"Do you want that warmed up?" the cashier - Alia, Dan notices as he looks - asks them. Phil glances sideways at him at the same time that he does the same, and they both smile at each other.

"Yes, please."

"Okay, that'll be 11 euro sixty, please." Phil fishes out his money and pays, accepting the change and the receipt in the palm of his hand, and they walk off towards the counter to wait for their drinks.

"Hey, Dan?"

Dan glances away from where one of the employees is making their drink (he can see Phil's name drawn in huge letters in Sharpie on the side of the cup) to look at Phil, who suddenly looks almost as anxious as Dan feels. "Yeah?"

"Just - what if they don't have a Shibe? Would you want to come back, or... or what?"

Dan wants to respond right away, but forces himself to take a step back and think about the question. It's obvious, regardless of how Phil may be trying to play it off, that this is important to him, so Dan needs to answer it right.

"Well. I'm not particularly concerned when it comes to what breed of dog we get - I'd be just as happy - well. Maybe not just as happy, but I definitely wouldn't mind having a Great Dane or a poodle or a chihuahua or a mutt, even, if we couldn't get a Shiba." Dan realizes he's rambling.

(Again. It's like some sort of motif or something. God, he really needs to get a grip on that.)

"TL;DR, I'd be fine with any dog. Don't worry about me."

Phil looks distinctly amused, Dan notes, as he takes his cup from the employee who had just yelled his order. "Thanks. Dan, you do realize we're having a verbal conversation, right?  Saying tl;dr doesn't, like, delete the last 30 seconds or anything."

Dan huffs.

"Caramel macchiato for Dan?" the employee calls, and Dan accepts it from his outstretched hand with a nod of thanks.

"Let me live," he says dourly, but Phil just huffs out a laugh and holds open the door for Dan to walk through.

"Christ, but it's cold out here. How are you drinking an iced chai? Who are you? Why?"

Phil just shrugs and takes a long sip of his drink, cheeks hollowing as he sucks through the plastic (eco-friendly his ass, Starbucks) straw. "Dunno. Layers, and gloves, probably," he says pointedly, staring directly at Dan's bare hands.

Dan narrows his eyes and curls protectively around his hot (preciously hot) drink. "Hmm. Okay. Sure. Don't come crying to me when your fingers start freezing off from the cold."

---

They stand outside of the pet shelter.

"Fuck. We're really doing this, aren't we?"

"Yep," Phil says, grasping Dan's hand in a comforting motion and sweeping his thumb across Dan’s wrist.

"Let's go. Now."

Two things happen in that moment.

One: Dan realizes, very quickly, that he's been betrayed.

Two: Phil uses the hand that's attached to Dan's (purposely, he now knows, which is a betrayal in and of itself) to pull him towards the shelter.

Dan yelps, loudly, and several other people's heads swivel at the sound.

"Wh-what? Why. What. What."

"Because I know you," Phil replies (to that jumble of nonsense, no less), not letting go, "and if I didn't do anything you'd stand there for another fifteen minutes talking yourself in and out of adopting, even though we've been thinking about this for ages. Let's go."

Dan's mouth twists. "I hate it when you're right."

"I know." Phil doesn't stop pulling until they're inside the door.

The little bell at the top of the door jingles when Phil pushes it open, and an elderly East Asian woman pokes her head out from a row of cages.

"Hello," she says, tilting her head with a friendly smile. "Are you looking for something?"

Dan can't speak.

"Yes, actually," says Phil, thank fuck. "We're looking to adopt a dog."

“How lucky!” The woman steps out and Dan smiles reflexively - whether it’s purposeful or not, she has the “harmless grandmother” shtick down pat, and he can feel himself starting to relax just looking at her. “We happen to have a couple of those around here.”

Phil snorts, and his eyes widen, like he wasn’t expecting the noise to come out.

“Anything you’re looking for in particular?” She crosses in front of them and heads to the front desk, settling herself down with a small oomph! (which - same.)

Phil elbows him while she’s looking down at some sort of notepad, and Dan also lets out a little oomph! (ha, see? They’re twins.)

What? he mouths, glancing back at the woman to make sure she isn’t looking at them.

She isn’t.

Phil points at her and raises his eyebrows, opening and closing his hand a couple of times in mimicry of a mouth talking.

Fuck.

Fine, he mouths back, rolling his eyes, and straightens up a little. He clears his throat and she looks up from her notepad with a soft smile, one that he can’t help but return. “We were thinking maybe, like - a Shiba Inu? Something like that, though obviously we’d probably be fine with really anything.”

The woman’s mouth twists into a frown. “Hmm. Come with me.”

Phil looks kind of concerned, and Dan shoots the same look back at him - a sort of do you think we should? type thing, complete with the eyebrows and the nose and the mouth (you know, the whole shebang).

Phil shrugs, and they walk.

---

“This place is way bigger than I thought it was,” Dan whispers out of the corner of his mouth.

They’re following the woman - Ellie, as they learn when Phil asks - down a path that seems more like a maze at this point. Dan got lost after the first four turns and Phil, the poor soul that he is, has almost wandered off in completely the wrong direction at least twice.

Phil shrugs. “Who knows? Maybe she’s the newest Doctor.” Dan smiles against his will and almost crashes into Ellie, who has stopped without warning.

“Here she is,” she says, almost sadly, squatting to be closer to the dog she’s talking about. Dan turns and crouches so that he can look into the cage that she’s pointing back, and -

Shit.

He almost falls on his ass.

The Shiba laying on its (her? That’s what Ellie said, right?) haunches, staring up at Dan with the most pitiful eyes he’d ever seen, is fucking hideous.

God, Dan feels like an asshole.

Her hair is matted, one eye looks like it’s sealed shut, and the side of her face with the sealed eye droops a little bit. Dan’s eyebrows crease and he looks a little closer, and - yep, she’s missing a leg; the hind right one is cut off at the base, and all that’s left is a little stump.

Jesus Christ, what happened to her?

“We don’t know, actually.” Shit, did he say that out loud? “Only got her about a week ago, and she showed pretty serious signs of abuse and malnutrition, but other than that - no. I have no idea. One of my volunteer kids found her in an alley down the block, looking even worse, if you can believe it.” From the distance, the sound of a bell echoes, and Ellie perks up a little bit. “Sorry,” she says, standing up and brushing off the imaginary dust from her knees, “I’ve got to go get that.”

“How loud is that fucking bell?” Dan asks after a few seconds, tilting his head back to look at Phil. His skull thumps a little bit against Phil’s thigh, and Phil starts carding his hand through Dan’s hair.

“Too loud, if we can hear it from back here. I swear it didn’t seem that noisy when we walked in…”

Dan sighs. “I don’t know, Phil. She’s… I don’t know.” Phil lets go of his hair - Dan takes a moment to mourn the loss - and pushes Dan to sit up straight, walking to his left to sit down.

His face freezes when he sees her clearly for the first time. “Shit.”

“Yeah.”

“God, she’s so…” Phil sighs, scrubs a hand over his face. “We could take her, you know.”

“Come on, Phil,” Dan says. "You know we can't. God, I'd love to, but... it's too much. You know we don't have the time to take care of a dog like her."

Phil sighs and nods, pushes himself to his feet right as Ellie rounds the corner in front of them, looking like she already knows what they're thinking.

"It's a no, then, hmm?" she asks, and doesn't seem surprised when Dan shakes his head.

"I'm really sorry," he says, laughing a bit self-deprecatingly, "I just - I don't really think we have the time to put into someone who needs so much help, you know?"

Ellie nods slowly. "No worries - I know it can be tough, to have to spend that much time on an animal who can't help themself, per se."

Do you? Dan wonders, although he doesn't say anything. They've been here for half an hour, at least, and he's only heard one other person walk in, but Ellie went to get the door by herself. It doesn't seem like there's anybody else working here (at least, not right now), so wouldn't that mean she takes care of all of these animals on her own?

Every day?

Food, water, attention, medical care?

God - that's only four things, but it feels like so - maybe too - much.

"Well!" Ellie claps her hands together and urges Dan off the floor. He gets up, sparing one last glance at the Shibe, and stuffs his hands into his pockets. "You're looking for something a little more low-maintenance, I'm guessing? A little less work, preferably potty-trained, a little calmer?"

Dan’s first instinct is to argue back - to tell her what he had told Phil, that they’d really be fine with anything - but he stops for a second and realizes she’s right. They’ve got a lot going on, what with the move and the interviews (who knew, announcing your gay love for your roommate and fellow Youtuber would get you so much traction?), and it would be easier on the both of them if they could have a dog they didn’t have to worry too much about.

So he says, “Yeah, actually. That’d be nice.”

She nods once, firmly, and beckons them to follow her again. Dan and Phil exchange a look, a sort of this? again? kind of thing, but it's only a stretch of hallway and one turn before they land in front of another cage, this time with a medium sized dog (a corgi, the tiny little blessing) with a short tail that starts wagging ferociously once they catch sight of the group.

“This is Charlie,” Ellie announces, smiling brightly at them. “He’s four years old now - potty trained, otherwise trained, very happy overall but also pretty relaxed. Yeah?”

Phil immediately drops into a squat and threads his fingers through the holes in the cage, grinning when Charlie trots over to nose at his hand. “Hey, Charlie!” Dan can hear the exclamation points in his voice, and he and Ellie share a content smile. “Who’s a good boy? Hmm? You are, aren’t you? Yes, yes you are!”

“So. Yes?” She reaches down to the lock on the cage and pulls out a ring of keys, shuffling through them to find the right one, labeled C3A24.

Dan smiles down at them. “Yeah. Yeah, he’s the one.”

[holloswallow]

To people in Toxic Relationships

I just saw this post about toxic people and how they try to control you annnd how people perceive you. They try to make you feel bad and give you a bad name--- This is true. I’ve never felt a post was more accurate, as I’ve had to deal with up to 3 (I want to say four but I will refrain) toxic people in my life and that is exactly what they do. One of them is still in my life, and there isn’t much I can do about that, but 2 of them, I’ve managed to rid myself of.

When a toxic person is someone you feel is close and truly cares about you, you don’t see how bad they are right away. Often these people disguise their behaviors and present their true selves at a later time. But I can say that from the two people, I had a choice in letting go, I felt like utter crap and obligated to keep my ties with them, because they wanted me to.

Quite often they guilt tripped me and said really bad stuff to me, called me names, used me and actually exploited and even blackmailed me out of anger simply because I denied them what they wanted. Both of them were on different degrees of toxicity.

One had numerous mental issues like anxiety, depression, ADHD and always told me they were going to end their life, and they wanted me as I was the only one that made them happy. When I rejected them they would flip, 180 and lash out, calling me names and just the whole shebang. This person used their mental issues as an excuse to be toxic.

The other felt they were better than me.(They often compared me to really crappy art While they allowed themselves the privilege of beautiful representation) They were pretty moody and often felt really entitled because we were “friends.” I had to keep in touch with them but they never had to keep in touch with me. If I failed to report some really dumb minuet thing about me, like how my relationship was going or if I got a new piercing etc, they would FLIP. I’m not even kidding. Dumb crap like that would get me the cold shoulder, silent treatment, and not even a good bye when they left. It came down to me constantly hearing that this person was always talking about me and always had a problem with me when my interactions with said person had been minimized to a good 0.2% I didn’t need to see this person for them to want to get me. And when they did come around, they would literally stomp themselves, right up to me, put their face into mine, and ask “what’s your problem?” And this is after having not seen them in months or even years. Not to mention this person was could be violent, so I was often afraid of this person.

I’m ranting.

What I’m initially saying is that, I let it go on for so long because I was raised under similar pretenses. I thought, this was normal behavior. I thought it was normal to be berated and put down just because someone felt like it or was having a bad day. I always felt like I was less than everyone so I allowed it for such a long time, until I was told that it wasn’t okay and it was bad for me mentally and emotionally. I thought these people cared about me and we could still be friends, and I tried to latch on and give them the benefit of the doubt because I believed these were normal relationships.

SPOILER ALERT: They aren’t

It takes real strength to eject those kinds of people out of your lives because they will do anything and say anything and everything to stay apart of it. And more often they not, they WILL try to come back.

I have dealt with them talking about me, saying untrue crap and overall trying to make me look bad. And sadly, I think it’s managed to convince people that I am a rotten person. Honestly that part will always be disheartening but you have to move past that. Don’t give toxic people the satisfaction of getting to you. And don’t bother trying to talk bad about them because then you’re letting them win. Let them go, and let them think and say whatever they want. Because at the end of the day you’re already stronger and better for making that decision.

What I’ve gone through are varying forms of abuse, an I now have really bad anxiety and PTSD. Thinking about one of these people physically debilitates me and send my heart stampeding into my stomach. I literally lock up and nearly go into a panic attack when I think I see them or even hear their name.

Don’t let it get bad. If you see signs, you’ve gotta try and find a way out.

Hopin this helps somone out there.

Will prolly delete later and repost on my other blog.

[luveus]

@iceflowersblog

First of all, man if you deleting your post isn’t ironic, I don’t know what is.

Second of all...

Kid gloves off for a moment.

I have done some serious shit in this community--shit I’m not proud of. I’ve pestered people, started two different wars in this one fandom, made callout posts, sent anon hate once, the whole shebang.

Which is why it’s so frustrating to see things like this come by my dash every now and again. Because you don’t bloody get it. You don’t see that you can never make up for the mistakes you make, not really. They are always going to be in the back of your head, eating away at you like a virus. But the difference is that, throughout this post, you have shown concern for how this whole situation affects one person.

You.

Anything you could possibly say won’t erase what you’ve done, or what you’ve said. Because it’s not about you. It’s about the people you hurt. It’s about doing the most good that you can, and being the most tolerant, understanding person you can be--because it’s the only way you’ll ever build up goodwill with this community again.

Be grateful for what you have--and if you don’t get a second chance, then accept it instead of stomping your feet and whining, and trying to guilt-trip others into rallying to your side. Seriously, “Nice ozpin and qrow?” Who the hell do you think you are to call people ‘nice’ or ‘not nice’? 

Stop this nonsense, and think about taking responsibility for your actions before you so much as step into this dominion again. I don’t even know you--but I know that you need to take some time away from this--not a blog deletion, that’d be absurd--but perhaps a day to clear your head and cool off, and think about what’s happened, away from tumblr. 

Come back when you’re ready to treat others with respect. Have a good night.