#i really need to get around to trying acupuncture one of these days

[fursasaida]

dysautonomia is terrible and very strange, but sometimes the strangeness is cool because it involves whole new levels of proprioception.

I went off-routine today for reasons, which means I [gasp] went a whole 5-6 hours without eating a mountain of protein. this would have been nothing to me before and now it is dangerous. so, fueled by two squares of chocolate and a string cheese, I made myself my actual food. in this situation, that is a delicate tightrope between the energy expenditure and upright time spent making the food, and the reward I'll get when it's done. I managed not to fall off the tightrope, and when I sat down:

I felt the immediate lightening that comes with being in a more advantageous position vis-a-vis gravity;

as I started eating, I felt my whole body...I can't think of another word but "bloom." I felt surface capillaries contract. I felt blood more fully reach my skin and the top of my head. (these are not contradictory because my problem is that my veins are generally too loose to move my blood around sufficiently.) light tingles all down the tops of my arms, shoulders, shins, and feet. I felt a general sense of something relaxing and expanding, which is probably some combination of lessened blood pooling and release from postural stress;

95% of the way through my bowl I started to feel Enough. this is not the same as full, because I have to eat small amounts at a time and those amounts are less than what it takes to feel full. but Enough is "the end of this safe amount." I stubbornly took a couple more bites and got the sensation that isn't quite nausea but would be if I kept it up. so I stopped and wrote this, to pass the time until Enough will have passed and I can finish the last few bites.

I can feel my blood moving all the time.

I would absolutely prefer to have a (better) functioning sympathetic nervous system. but sometimes there are interesting experiences in this. it's perhaps a bit like legendary monks who reputedly could control their autonomic processes through meditation, but from the outside in instead of the inside out. it certainly has mystical potential.

I don't know where I'm going with this and probably won't for years. my last dose of midodrine has worn off and I need to get into bed posthaste. back to my last bites of food. goodnight

[lunajay33]

Migraine🕷️

Summary: You get frequent migraines but they’ve been mia since the apocalypse but even since you got to the farm they’ve returned but you didn’t wanna bother anyone until Daryl finds you balled up on the floor in pain

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x f!reader

Request by @avrmee

•Masterlist•

Soul crushing migranes were always a struggle to deal with before the world ended, but there was ways to try and relieve them, medicine, piercings, acupuncture but now that it’s been about a year and there was no more medicine or anything really the migraines came back and almost stronger than before

They’d come on when the heat was high and the sun was near blinding, triggering what ever it was in your head to cause crippling pain that no matter how much pressure you applied to your eyes or the amount of water you drank it didn’t matter, but in this world you couldn’t afford to take a day off especially with all the work the others were putting into the prison it was only fair you pull your weight even through the pain

Walking out of prison, opening the door to the blinding white light that was the Georgia sun stung just hoping it didn’t flair up another episode, walking out to the court yard where Daryl was tinkering on his bike you sat next to him

“I missed you this morning” you said leaning your head against his shoulder as he used a wrench against…..well you have no clue but you loved watching him work

“Sorry ya know I’m an early riser plus ya’ve been sleeping lot longer now, ya okay?”

You didn’t wanna worry him and tell him that after these long days of over exerting yourself in the heat that the pain in your head kept you awake late into the night causing you to wake up later than everyone else

“Oh yeah I’m fine, just tired is all, plus I got a beautiful sight next to me at night it’s hard to fall asleep” you laughed poking his side making him gruff out a laugh

“Well I have to go work on the crowd of walkers around the fence, if you need me I’ll be there” I said leaving his side walking down to the entrance gate, using a pole to take down as many walkers as you could working your way down the fence, working for hours when you felt an aura around your head, the groans and snaps of jaws became louder and overwhelming, your knees became weak, you became nauseous as your vision became blurred and specked with black dots, all topped off by the painful pressure in your head

Losing control you dropped to the gravel clutching your head in your hands, knees tucked up to your chest, whining from the pain, this is one of the worst it’s ever been, in the distance you could hear your name being yelled but everything was so overwhelming you couldn’t even process it until the screams got closer

“Y/n baby what’s wrong” Daryl asked holding your body close to his, your head in his lap as he rubbed your back

“It…….it hurts so much” you whined as you clutched your head more wishing for this pain to fade

He just held you for what felt like half an hour trying to comfort me, the walkers noises started to dwindle someone must have came down with Daryl to take them out, you huffed out a breath as the pain subsided a bit giving you enough strength to sit up, seeing his worried expression

“What happened?” He asked brushing my disheveled hair back

“I get this awful migraines, I didn’t wanna say anything and use it as an excuse but they keep me up at night but sometimes they get so bad, like this and I don’t know how to stop them”

“Darlin ya should have said something, we’d understand, I could’ve tried to help ya at night”

“I know how hard you work all day you need your sleep”

“But if yer feeling sick yer more important, promise me you’ll let me help ya”

You bit your lip hesitant not wanting to be a burden

“Y/n” he said sternly

“Okay I promise”

“Good, ya know yer damn stubborn”

“You love me” you said smiling

“Yer lucky I do”

[sideeffectsofhavingnolife]

IPKKND S:1 EP-5

Thinking of doing a sprint instead of one each day.

Let me grab some tea and churn these out

Me, when high on chai.

Fifth Episode of Iss pyar ko kya naam doon, hoping for progression.

Her being surrounded by men, is just an uncomfortable feeling.

Stop it with the overreaction guys. It's clearly an accidental fall. They are acting like she had a sex tape released.

Oh! Hey Mom, who just came around Khushi after 4 episodes of sulking. Ready to be disappointed once again?

Look at Arnav watching their video, quite fondly, if I may say.

"Meri bezatti karni ki himmat na aaj tak kisi ne ki hai, na ab koi karega." 🙄 He is such a fussy kid!

I just saw Tees Maar Khan's poster behind them. A bit sad that fewer people went to that movie because they were busy watching Khushi's video. Khushi's got Akshay Kumar and Katrina Kaif beat. Nice going girl!

Oh there we go! The catcallers are here. Why are they always in a group of three though? It was the same in Ishqbaaz.

I doubt you all got even a penny in your pockets.

What the fuck is this acting! Lol!

Damn! The mother is very coy. I'd expect her to get in at least one slap.

A group of hooligans disrespecting women. Tick.

The sleazy dupatta pulling. Tick.

Pushing an elderly man off. Tick.

No interference from the crowd. Tick

Setting the stage so a younger man can magically appear and save the day. Tick

This is an every 2000s and 10s bollywood movie scene ever.

And our savior's got the iconic Salman Khan bracelet.

Could you walk a little slower dude? This way you might actually reach in time.

Why are there people just standing around. Like they are not even hesitantly walking by. They are full-on standing and watching as if that's what they stepped out for.

Yo! What kind of acupuncture pressure point did this man hit for the goon's hand to be shaking that much?

"Kaun hai be tu?" Honestly, I have the same question.

Holy Shit, He just made a 'I fucked you mom' comeback.

Not the shawty eating the watermelon.

More people just entered.

Did the bat just break after coming in contact with his arm?! Is this man unbreakable?

I think they forgot to put the snapping neck effect.

Not him instantly falling in love with our girl. Or does he know her from before?

Stop looking at her, my guy. She wouldn't want a man looking at her for the entire next month.

Also they don't know each other at all. This is an entirely new interaction. I need to prepare my second lead syndrome heart. Why are the second leads always the better choice?

Aghh! Bua ji please shut the fuck up! Why don't you visit the ganga ji yourself, perhaps in a kalash?

Ooh, they are going to delhi? Nice, develop the plot.

But does she really think that Delhi is the place to learn 'sanskaar'?

Ab Bua ji ko bahut problem ho rahi hai.

Oh his sister's still here.

It's the divorce you alll.

Nah! This man is really such a child. Isn't it embarrassing to talk such emo shit in front of his employee.

"Di relax, please." He got so triggered.

She saw the news? But didn't she see it live, I am pretty sure she was there.

I know Khushi feels bad but Payal literally has nothing to do with any of this, yet she is trying her best to cope with it.

"Soch ke hi to kiya hai." This bastard is so turned on by this stuff.

"Aapka pati kaha hai?" Lol.

He is gone, boy, they are divorcing.

I am kinda digging this dynamic more.

No! Tease him more. I can just tell she is gonna be a big shipper of Arnav and Khushi in the future.

Khushi! Girl! I love your spirit but please don't make this worse. This isn't as bad, you should learn to be less dependent on your parents. It's about time.

Yeah! sure this makes you so much less suspicious.

Wow! they really pulled up to the news station.

Does she think that they would have even an iota of regret about it.

At this point she would have to take it to the court which she is likely to lose because well, money.

Dubey ji and Chaubey ji. Right, Not at all fictional.

"Uske liye to aapko Delhi jaana padega!" So it's Arnav then.

Oh, so now they feel bad.

"Hum galat the" Well, that was easy.

Now she knows!

Not that she could do much about it anyways! But atleast she can hate him more viscerally now. And that's what we want!

Okay Byeeee!!

Onto the next one, I go!

[ineffable-problem]

part #2 of ineffable incorrect quotes

Buckle up Buckaroo because this is a long one

Crowley: I came out here to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now.

Newton: I don't want to fight you! Anathema : I wouldn't want you to fight me either!

Crowley, Anathema , and Jim are playing poker. Jim is winning by a long shot. Crowley: Aw, come on. Aziraphale : It’s not fair! They don’t even know what we’re playing! Jim: Go Fish?

Crowley: Could you be anymore annoying? Jim: Yes.

Metatron: Why are you two always out during rainstorms? Aziraphale: It’s so peaceful and refreshing. I love the smell of rain. Crowley: God bet me I couldn’t get struck by lighting, but they’re WRONG.

Nina: Tell Muriel off, Jim! Assert yourself! Jim: That's my ice cream! Nina: Good! Now let them have it!! Jim, handing Muriel the ice cream: Here, you can have it!

Crowley: So my therapist was talking to me and she said that I really just need to break down my walls and let people in. Crowley: So I’ve decided to break the fourth wall. Crowley: looks at camera Hi there. I use humor as a coping mechanism.

Crowley: You can answer almost anything with “Not since the accident.” Gabriel: Actually, you can’t. Beelzebub: Not since the accident.

Crowley, in Aziraphale’s window: I thought I’d find you here! Muriel, climbing past Crowley: WE COULD HAVE USED THE DOOR-

Jim: I have one brain cell and it bounces around in my skull like a windows screen saver. Jim: When it hits a corner perfect, I’m allowed one good idea.

Beelzebub: You fuckers don’t know about my knife stick. It’s a knife taped to a stick and it’s the ultimate weapon. Aziraphale: Spear. Beelzebub: BLOCKED.

Crowley: Twilight Sparkle was the main character because she represented the element of friendship— Metatron, tied up: PLEASE, I JUST WANT TO SEE MY FAMILY AGAIN! Crowley: I'M NOT DONE! Crowley: And Rainbow Dash was the sporty girl—

Jim: Hey Nina? Nina: Yeah? Jim: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false? Nina: Nina: …What.

Crowley: Don’t trust everything you see on the internet. Jim: Pfft. What possibly nonsense could come from the internet? Oh. Did you know that the Earth is actually flat? Crowley: Takes away Jim’s phone Yeah, that enough for you.

Crowley: No problemo! Crowley, internally: But it was all problemo.

Beelzebub: Heh, Gabriel sneezes like a girl. Gabriel : How about I pound you like boy? Gabriel : That didn’t come out right.

Aziraphale: Someone’s trying to break in. Call the cops! Jim: loads shotgun I got this. Aziraphale: Last week you fell up the stairs, what do you mean-

Crowley: What’s up with you? Gabriel : What do you mean? Crowley: You’ve been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game?

Crowley: You call it "really bad at darts", I call it "freestyle acupuncture." Bartender: …I'm going to have to ask you to leave the bar.

Crowley: I hate you. Jim: Well, according to this picture I drew of us holding hands, that is untrue.

Beelzebub: Blackmail is such an ugly word. I prefer extortion. The X makes it sound cool

[ener-chi]

Another journal post comin' right at ya! This feels like it's going to be a bit more personal, but that's what I need to get back into things so here we go. TLDR: Being a shadow of myself and feeling like myself again, and color blindness and acupuncture!

I realized like. Yesterday. That I have been... unhappy. Everything in my life is actually everything that I've wanted, and is the foundation for the happiness that I want.

But the reason that I'm unhappy is because I haven't been myself. I haven't been living... intentionally, for lack of a better word. For the past like. Year and a half, maybe, I have been but a shadow of myself. I have been just absolutely blown around and toppled over by the slightest breeze of any emotion or thought, and have been in a near-constant trauma state. And when I wasn't in one of those things, I was either trying to recover/fortify from the next bout of wind, or engaging in distractions.

I am... tired of just being blown around and waiting to see what happens and hope that I'm okay. It's time for me to live intentionally, and not be a passive part of my life. It is my life, after all.

Anywho. I've been doing a lot of work, and I have a lot of work ahead of me. Self-cultivation, meditation, working on not being affected by thoughts and emotions, etc. It's been great, though. There are so many things that I've forgotten that I love. I've been spending more time meditating, and more time on my spiritual and energetic practice. Also my blog - obviously. It's just... I've missed all this, and it's really great to start feeling like myself again.

In other news. I don't really have too much spiritually/energetically to relate - but here is your fun acupuncture tidbit of the day! As it turns out - acupuncture it highly effective at treating color blindness! Honestly... this really has me shook. Because it's largely genetic, I just assumed that there was no treatment, and that it wasn't possible for anything outside of corrective surgery to fix it, which isn't really a thing.

But yeah, acupuncture and especially electro-acupuncture is VERY effective at treating color blindness! Like there are studies researching and showing the effectiveness of it. Just absolutely fascinating. Like it's just regular needles. And they don't even go into the eyes (though some points are veryy close to them - not looking forward to having those needled, heh). I love being able to study this. So cool.

Well. I don't really have too much else to add tonight, except for this - last night I was scrolling through some old notes on my phone, and I realized that my spiritual awakening started early 2019. It's been 5 years!! My god, it has felt so much longer than that, like a lifetime at least. But truly, what a wonderful, wonderful 5 years.

I hope that everyone has a wonderful night!

Blessings!

[wildflowersnweed]

I know on the outside my bubbly personality is coming out, but on the inside it just feels like I’m a failure and I feel guilt, shame & embarrassment.

It’s a very awful feeling and I really don’t wish it on anyone…..

I’ve tried to accept that today is a new day, and tomorrow is as well, and that I have intake on Friday so I’m looking forward to something which in turn helps my MDD…

But at the same time, I’m extremely nervous because I had my first psychiatrist for 5 years & I finally got around to trusting him & then he left my mental health clinic.

Then I ended up with a really un-educated, forceful, & medically abusive and neglectful, Nurse Practitioner who “majored” (while in College years and years ago) in Psychiatry. But she is NOT a Psychiatrist by any means.

Honestly if I saw her again, before I fired her, I would tell her straight to her face that she is a Nurse Practitioner who needs to leave the Mental Health Profession COMPLETELY and just move to general medicine.

She doesn’t qualify to be in the Mental Health Services.

She denies you medication even if your body depends on it to be a functional member of society.

She is ALWAYS late, every single month for the past 3 years, on getting you your re-fills ON TIME!

She is 100% for Therapy being the ONLY treatment for any mental health condition.

She is against ANY AND ALL natural medications, herbs, or any natural therapies or treatments (such as an acupuncture and/or Chiropractic care) to treat any mental health issues.

She will also refuse to see you at your appointment if you are 5 or more minutes late.

She. Is. Fired.

I can’t believe I didn’t listen to my Therapist sooner!! She has been telling me since 2021 that “I can fire her”. Any time I brought up an issue with my Nurse Practitioner, my Therapist IMMEDIATELY went straight to me being able to fire her. I should have listened sooner. BUT, at least I listened eventually.

I hope that in time my brain can sort through all of the trauma, anger, sadness, regret, grief and pain because this $hit sucks. And clearly Klonopin is not the right drug for me, because I can take it as directed and prescribed, and it does NOTHING. I still have every symptom I had before I took it. It doesn’t work on my body. Hence, why I was previously prescribed 4mg daily, and she cut me down to only 1mg daily on the very first appointment. And it took me 3 years to realize that what she did was Medical Negligence because she was denying me of medication, that my body relied on, to be a functioning human in society. BUT NOOOOO obviously she didn’t want me to be a sane human being so she took that medication away almost completely. She did NOT wean me off of it either. So there ya go, medical abuse.

I have so many reasons to turn her a$$ in. I’m so pissed off that a mental health doctor gets away with basically killing people slowly. She has no intention on making anyone better. And the icing on the cake??? All of her patients are grouped together as one. She will say something to you and then say “But, all of my patients” or even “and all of my patients”. I am my own person thank you very much.

I honestly just hope that when I see my therapist again, I can tell her everything that I’ve been sending myself (via texts) so I can share what is on my mind and heart as it is there and I don’t have to try to think of something traumatic that recently happened…cuz everyone knows how forgetful I am.

I also have to get my butt to Spencer BEFORE Friday, so I can sign the legal documents to have my previous clinic send everything to my new clinic. And that’s just fantastic since my chauffeur (Hubz 😜) works everyday except Friday 🙄. Which means he has to take time out of his busy work day, just to drive me basically to sign $hit. Stupid… But I’m super thankful & proud that my courage came out in that moment to make that phone call. I’m glad I did. No more driving one hour just to get a freaking LATE re-fill on any of my medications. I just have to walk up the street 😂

Or be driven if it’s gross outside or if my chronic pain starts acting up.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

I’m thankful for everyone who is being super validating right now. And for everyone who is being extra kind and gentle to me while I go through all of this.

It did lead to a complete mental breakdown, but thankfully a simple phone call to an emergency therapist, helped me get through it.

Thank you for reading this, and know that if I sent it to you & opened up to you, that you are part of my inner circle, and you matter to me, and you are loved by me. You will always have a seat at my table.

Have a good day/night, wherever you are.

♥️&✌🏽

[episbep]

recovery day five

(boob graffiti cos it made me smile)

today isn’t over yet but I’m absolutely exhausted. I can’t stop thinking about my ex (not sure why tho cos our story really is and has to be over. I wish him well, just far away from me*) & for some reason I’m really obsessing over getting high but keep reminding myself how much I want and need to stay clean. I can and will keep going, but it feels as though my brain is against me.

I’m struggling to keep up with housework- my bedsheets need changing cos I spilt a drink over my pillows days ago and I genuinely can’t remember the last time I changed them but I’m struggling to find the energy and motivation. I’ve washed the same load of washing twice now but still haven’t hung it up. I need to hoover and do the washing up and make some proper food but I’m doing what needs to be done during the day then coming home and melting into bed. I need to go to a meeting tonight so that I can keep up with 90 in 90 but I’m so fucking exhausted.

anyway today I went to emotional regulation group, v nice ppl there, shared some tough stuff and got some wonderful support. In our vape break I bumped into my ex’s ex (weird but calm - we used to hate each other but made our peace a while back. She was drunk though, she’s an addict too and clearly struggling. She told me my ex’s family used to chat shit about me. Honestly though I have bigger fish to fry, keep your opinions away from me. I have no control over people, places or things- only my reaction to them.) then I had an assessment for additional support with turning point, another drug and alcohol support service, and they advised me that they will put my case forward to be assessed for funding to attend treatment which just wow I would snap that up gratefully. Im being as open and honest as I can be, and taking all the help that is offered. Anything that is suggested I am trying my best to do. As I was leaving I got a call from one of the NA members with a lot of clean time and I told him about the cravings I’ve been having, he reassured me that they’re normal and will subside with time I just have to power on through. Feeling very loved and supported by that group, but need to sort out coming off of my medication so that I can properly join it as a home group and start on step work. I had acupuncture after that and a nice little chat with the lady who does it - recovery is full of love, support and beautiful people. Oh I also got an invitation to interview for a job that I actually really want 🥰 Now home in bed, might nap then head out to the meeting. It’s only around the corner so I can’t not really.

I want sobriety so much. I am just so exhausted…one day at a time.

[jmsami]

How do you make a woman a hot mess? Let me count the ways

Reconnecting after a 6 month estrangement at a time in my life where I was very happy and pulled myself out of a very dark period where things fell apart at a job / company of 17.5 years, my mom had health problems at the same time, and I pulled myself out of a very dark period landing a new job under perfect timing and perfect circumstances, beginning just 3 weeks after getting laid off and enjoying a 6 month period of time receiving double paychecks, both regular and severance. January 22 will be the 7 month mark since seeing or speaking to you (not without trying) which is the longest period of no contact so far.

It mattered, deciding to re-open the lines of communication with me and the willingness to meet up with me again and catch up. All the better that it ended up with us making out.

I did make every effort to guard my heart and go out with / enjoy / appreciate other men starting with Drew around late March 2022 but never could find anyone else I enjoyed as much as you.

I guess that's why I was okay with the long stretches between contact and meeting up and things mostly didn't go anything beyond making out physically.

Being a good support system while I was going through the problems with my veins, discomfort walking / sitting / squatting and eventually getting ablation procedures done.

It mattered.

Being one of the first to see and ride in my brand new car.

It mattered.

Watching me perform a flute choir concert on my childhood instrument with flutists I've known for many years who are like family.

It mattered.

Text history I'm still clearing-

Ryan F from Hinge that I only went out with because I didn't think things were going to go anywhere with you and for longer than I should have, March - July every once in a while; he really wasn't much to me other than a drinking / concert buddy and I had no physical attraction. That might take the longest. I'm still on April 2023.

Then the bombshell happened and I started filling up my schedule and making myself really busy to get my mind off things instead of get myself sorted out emotionally and mentally. These included maybe a bit too much / overwhelming amount of online dating app matches and both healthy and not so healthy experiences with re-runs. I know I drank myself silly around mid- July and drunk-texted a bunch of people, which probably re-ignited my re-connects with some of them. I know I found myself unable to concentrate at work and booking a last minute acupuncture appointment for anxiety relief. I even booked myself a staycation to Leadville for the purpose of self-reflection on the situation and the lessons and left with the decision that I would still like to connect with you and talk to you, only to be ignored when I attempted to do so via phone call and text the Wednesday after labor day.

James from Bumble I only went out with twice when I was in a heightened emotional state in the aftermath of what happened in June. I remember thinking he was a bit intense and his conversation during breakfast with me almost seemed like a sales pitch but apparently I got a lot of much needed practice in the areas of honesty, authenticity, and transparency with him. He is cleared finally as of April 29.

Still only on April with my text history with you. cleared as of early May I think

CNM Geoffrey because I was trying to understand better why you were doing what you were doing with me while another woman was declaring you her "boyfriend", and the only logical explanation I could come up with was perhaps it was okay because it was a consentually non monagomous situation. I never met this dude. He is cleared thank God.

Even though I did get back in contact with Jason during a heightened emotional state, I'm glad to still be in contact with him and hang out with him recently, I think he makes a good friend but I have no physical attraction. I went to a Jazz in the Park thing with him in Castle Rock in July.

I went to the Renn Fest with Pete (since you flat out told me I'm better off finding someone else than waiting for him) in July and then a concert in August and had the same problem that has existed for years where he would make an advance and I did not reciprocate the physical act of affection, and I'm pretty sure I already started drinking before he picked me up for the concert.

I am glad I reconnected with Jeremy, we hung out first in late July, originally planning to go to a comedy show but blew it off and had some really good conversations at the Irish Pub. We also hung out at one Up in September and museum of illusions end of October. But given all the sexual innuendos in his communications with me and the fact that it hasn't gone down that road in the almost three years I've known him, I'm beginning to change my mind about being glad I reconnected.

I know I was not happy with the decision I made to schedule two back to back dates with dating app dudes, one on Tuesday and the next on Wednesday for reasons having to do with both the fact that I was in a heightened emotional state and probably very obvious to both of them and that I had to go through the litany of "get to know you" questions two days in a row. The first guy Jeff only lasted one. The second guy Brian was around in July, August, and September, disappeared for a bit (initiated by me) then re-connected in November, but I think I'm ready to call it a day with him as well.

Then I reconnected with re-run Michael late August and this dynamic is getting a little old. I wonder if he is to me what I was to you. We can go months without seeing each other or much contact, he always ends up putting the moves on me and comes on pretty strong, things have always had the opportunity to be taken to the bedroom, and they never have, and this has been going on for almost 4 years. I'm not sure I am interested in him enough to try to pursue anything more than that.

Re-run Tom who was not a healthy choice and pretty much only partied with, had sex with twice, the first time after about a year long estrangement and no "getting reacquainted" period other than a pretty vulnerable phone call but he still didn't know basic information about me, and I did not feel good about myself after overdoing it on the weed and having sex.

I am also happy with the decision I made to re-connect with Andy but it's hard to schedule anything with him due to his crazy work schedule / hours.

When I decided to try to get back out there again I only had two with Roman. He kind of freaked me out claiming a connection super fast. I went out with Kelly two times around the same time. Maybe he was expecting too much of my time too soon? He offered to come or be designated driver to my meetup with the Ex RNL peeps. Also wanted me to join him and his out of town visiting sister a few days after meeting him the second time. He also offered to come to the CRO concert. Anyway, Danielle encouraged me not to ghost so I let both of them down gently and informed them via text that I was not in a good place mentally or emotionally, and not surprisingly, got two very different responses, one angry and on empathetic.

Absolute bombarding of texts by bumble Eric who I only had one phone conversation with then blew up my phone and that was when I decided I need to minimize the amount of complete strangers having my phone number. He will be cleared next historical review and clear of texts, thank god.

Thomas- eharmony, I gave too many strangers my phone number, one phone convo never met and he deleted me after I told him there's no need to text me just to wish me a good week. He is cleared.

One and done- Ben Tinder (didn't take long to clear) then Brian Eharmony but there there was some good follow up afterward. I think that was when I finally acknowledged my heartbreak and took action regarding it. I should probably put a stop to the drinking at home before a date thing. I'm not sure why I did it before meeting Robert Tinder on November 8. It didn't help in the area of me remembering anything about him that intrigues me enough to go out again, and it seems like he wants to but can't seem to move the communication to phone calls and if he's trying to not be too pushy about asking me, I haven't really found the motivation to go out with him again. He is cleared. So there's that.

Steps I took to un-hotmessify starting Sunday September 17- went to restorative yoga. Massage on Wednesday, September 20. Sound bath on Friday, September 22. Meditations, affirmations, even some overnight ones starting around that time in September. A "cutting the cords" meditation I found on youtube and accepted the challenge of completing once a day for 40 days. I'm on day 20 of the next 40 day meditation challenge about breaking bad habits.

[clairethecutepup]

Daily Log: 2/19/2023

Paragraphs ahead for: Sleeping habits, Ed Edd n Eddy fan comic progress, etc...

I've come to allow myself to sleep on on my weekends, instead of forcing myself to get up early then, too. I mean, as they say: "It's not how much time you have, it's what you do with it." I mean, who gets more done in the day: the person who does 30 minutes of work in their sole hour of free time that day, or the person who gets only 5 minutes of work done in their entire day of free time? In other words, maybe it is better to let myself get some extra sleep, instead of tiredly getting up as soon as it's sunrise. I'm also trying to avoid being shy about taking naps, too, and listen to my step-dad's advice about "listening to your body." I just hate sleeping time away.

One reason: I prefer putting that time into productivity instead, like creative work. Hopefully, the decreased fatigue, so far, results in better productivity. Speaking of, I'm finally reaching the end of the base sketches/outlines for the fourth page of "Puppy Eyes and Doll Eyes" (first page). It's a lot harder to complete it, when you have to draw more "advanced" poses and the like, such as a "back 3/4" view or "1/4 view" (whichever it is), and more people in each panel. Well, at least things always go faster with official outlines and coloring-- okay, maybe really official outlining, but still.

I've been thinking about posting "previews" to the work, and other pre-finished drawings, but I feel like that'd spoil things. Guess that means you'll all just have to wait and see what kind of torment Claire's about to go through, at the hands of Sarah and Jimmy. Also, I dunno why, but it brings me sadistic glee whenever I see the small pup being the receiver of some wrath: I still laugh (at least internally) whenever I re-visit the Getting Your Goat chapter image of Rocko sending her sky-high, and I especially love the panels of Sarah and Jimmy cruelly playing around with her in the aforementioned and upcoming comic page. No, I don't actually hate my character-- especially when she's my mascot and favorite to use --I just find it fun to have her injured and the like, evilly enough.

No, I doubt any of you will need shovels for Claire, by the time that fourth page comes out, I already did say Sarah and Jimmy likely wouldn't be as interested in harming Claire as they would playing with a (practically) combined dolly and stuffed animal. Oh, but these still do not look like the faces of mercy, do they? For crying out loud, may I remind you: acupuncture is their main weapon of choice in this Ed Edd n Eddy AU, something that involves controlling another's body in some form via the right pressure points? Don't get me started on the "puppet strings" fan art sometimes depicts them with. Plus, their fan designs there scream, at least to ME anyhow, these are a duo that may be the ones wearing the "Dollies" title, but THEY don't intend to be the actual "dollies" for playing with.

[morguemaw]

1. I saw an ad for burial plots, but that’s the last thing I need.

2. Did you hear about the silk worm race? It ended in a tie.

3. I got fired from the calendar factory, just for taking a day off.

4. Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland? A: Well, the flag is a big plus.

5. Clones are people two.

6. I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.

7. Napoleon may not have designed his coat, but he did have a hand in it.

8. I put up a high-voltage electric fence around my house. My neighbor is dead against it.

9. What are windmills’ favorite genre of music? They’re big metal fans.

10. The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

11. Shopping centers, you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.

12. My ceiling isn’t the best, but it’s up there.

13. I love whiteboards. They’re re-markable.

14. Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population? AIreland. Every day it’s Dublin.

15. The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working. It doesn’t make any cents.

16. I tried to make a belt out of watches. It was a waist of time.

17. I went to a new mechanic. They came highly wreck-a-mended.

18. What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? A hippo is really heavy, and a Zippo is a little lighter.

19. Yesterday a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester.

20. Why can’t you run through a campground? You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

21. Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

22. Why can’t Harry Potter tell the difference between his potion pot and his best friend? They’re both cauld ron.

23. An atom lost an electron. It really should keep an ion them.

24. What’s the best time on a clock? 6:30, hands down.

25. Please don’t make my funeral too early. I’m not really a mourning person.

26. I got fired from the bank. A man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over.

27. Why did the lizard say he named his baby “Tiny?” Because he’s my newt.

28. Someone stole the police station’s toilets. They have nothing to go on.

29. Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.

30. What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a nicely dressed man on a tricycle? Attire.

31. What does C.S. Lewis keep in his wardrobe? Narnia business.

32. I put all my cash into an origami business. It folded.

33. I was worried about being in a long-distance relationship. But so far so good.

34. I suffer from kleptomania. But I take something for it.

35. I’m afraid of negative numbers. I’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.

36. Acupuncture is a jab well done.

37. Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

38. I quit my job at the donut factory. I was fed up with the hole business.

39. I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

40. RIP boiling water. You will be mist.

41. Why did the monk refuse novocaine when he had his tooth pulled? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

42. Just found out sticks float. They would.

43. My boat was cold, I tried to make a fire but it sank. I guess you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

44. I went to that new restaurant, Karma. There’s no menu, you just get what you deserve.

45. Why do cows have bells? Because their horns don’t work.

46. You can’t trust atoms, they make up everything.

47. I met a criminal with a bounty on his head. That was a weird place to keep paper towels.

48. A psychic tried to sell me information on my past lives. I hate used karma dealers.

49. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

50. I met my wife on a dating site. We just clicked.

51. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

52. Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me. It means a lot.

53. My roommates suspect I’m stealing their kitchen utensils. But that’s a whisk i’m willing to take.

54. I’m going to try velcro instead of shoe laces. Why knot?

55. I decided to get rid of my spine. It was holding me back.

56. Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

57. Knowing how to pick locks has opened a lot of doors for me.

58. No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.

59. Architects are good at coming up with concrete plans.

60. I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

61. Who designed King Arthur’s round table? Sir Cumference.

62. What happened when the semi-colon broke grammar laws? He was given two consecutive sentences.

63. I recently took a pole and found out 100% of campers were angry when their tent collapsed.

64. I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang. Eventually it came back to me.

65. A friend said he didn’t understand cloning. I told him that makes two of us.

66. I had a pun about amnesia, but I forget how it goes.

67. Santa Claus’s elves are subordinate clauses.

68. I’m designing a reversible jacket. I’m excited to see how it turns out.

69. A man went to the hospital with eight plastic horses in his stomach. His condition is stable.

70. To the guy who invented Zero, thanks for nothing!

71. There’s a new type of broom out. It’s sweeping the nation.

72. I tried to draw a circle, but it was pointless.

73. Getting paid to sleep would be my dream job.

74. There’s a fine line between numerator and denominator.

75. Velcro… what a rip-off.

76. I gave away my dead batteries, no charge.

77. One-fifth of people are just too tense.

78. After the birth of your child, your role in life will become apparent.

79. A backwards poet writes inverse.

80. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.

81. My kid swallowed some coins, the doctor told me to just wait. No change yet.

82. My friend’s bakery burned down. Now his business is toast.

83. You should wear glasses while doing math. It improves division.

84. I’m glad I learned sign language. It’s really handy.

85. Bad gardeners are rough around the hedges.

86. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

87. This girl thought she recognized me from vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.

88. Why can’t you explain puns to kleptomaniacs? They always take things literally.

89. Did you hear about the man who lost his left side? He’s all right now.

90. I make apocalypse puns like there’s no tomorrow.

91. A cartoonist was found dead. Details are sketchy.

92. I removed the shell from my racing snail to make it faster. It just got more sluggish.

93. Life as a professional yo-yoer has its ups and downs.

94. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

95. My wife told me to stop speaking in numbers. But I didn’t 1 2.

96. I failed my Braille class. It’s a touchy subject.

97. I used to hate facial hair, but it grew on me.

98. The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.

99. My leaf blower doesn’t work, it just sucks.

100. Need an ark? I Noah guy.

101. A plateau is the highest form of flattery.

Suffer

i wish to shit on your computer.

[forbidding-souda]

Hey broski! This is probably a super weird and random request but could I request the V3 boys accedentially getting handcuffed to their female s/o for the day?

V3 boys accidentally getting handcuffed to their fem S/O for a day

Are you trying to convince me it was an accident and not Kokichi Ouma

-Mod Souda

Kokichi Ouma

♥ Takes the opportunity to drag you everywhere. You'll have to keep up with running and his sudden stops.

♥ And he adapts to this situation rather quickly. It's a bit alarming how he just accepts it.

♥ He makes sure you eats, though. It's creepy watching him stare at you, intense and in focus. But it makes you feel cared for.

♥ You have no say in how you're going to spend this time. It's whatever he wants to do. Movies? Maybe he'll let you pick. If you're lucky.

♥ He makes a bit of perverted jokes. You try to laugh it off, but sometimes you really can't tell if he's joking or not.

Kiibo

♥ He makes you feel the safest. You don't have to worry about him putting his hands on you or trying to get you to do things you don't like.

♥ And you feel the most comfortable going to the bathroom in front of him than anyone else. He'll sing ("sing", it's horrific) to drown out the sound of you peeing.

♥ You can almost notice him turning pink when you go to sleep next to him. He doesn't know what to do. Put his arms around you? Let you sleep on him? It completely catches him off guard.

♥ Once the handcuffs come off, he finds himself missing being so close to you. Your body warmth - your humaness - is absolutely addicting. He wishes he could sleep in the same bed as you. He finds himself missing it when he charges himself.

Rantarou Amami

♥ He's willing to shower with you. It flusters you a bit and you avoid answering with a yes or a no. The fact that he, so openly, admits to not caring about being so close to you is way too much for you to handle.

♥ You get bored very easily. He sits and writes in his notebook, bringing your wrist along with every stroke. He doesn't tell you what he's writing, nor what the notebook is for. Him and all of his secrets.

♥ This is the least panic-inducing person in the world. He doesn't judge you for anything. He can be boring at times, but he's open to you touching him or talking to him nonstop.

♥ And he'll hug you so you can sleep better. He'll massage your head and tell you stories until you sleep.

Gonta Gokuhara

♥ He can carry you like, everywhere. It makes it more convenient for you and him anyways.

♥ Scared of bugs? Have a phobia? Too bad, you're going to be around a lot of them. Maybe he'll spare you of his searching, but you're going to be around the bugs he's already found.

♥ He confides in you about three hours in. You learn a lot about him and his background.

♥ He worries about not being a gentleman, especially when you go to the bathroom. It makes his face turn red and he can't even look at you afterwards.

♥ The two of you watch shows together, like, almost all day. This is your chance to introduce him to all of your favorite things.

Korekiyo Shinguuji

♥ I hope you like reading. Else you're going to be very bored. Maybe you can find a graphic novel you like. He has a bunch of stuff, and he can give you a tour.

♥ This is your chance to learn more about this man. He's interesting, and definitely very unique. He can give you massages and teach you about acupuncture points.

♥ He will ask you to shower with him. He needs to wash his hair - he keeps good care of it. Or, you can sit outside the shower and make him use only one hand. Whichever one you prefer.

♥ You get a good look at all his different masks. His sleeping, showering, and eating one all look almost identical. You spend a good minute staring at him, trying to notice the difference of them.

♥ You can't find a difference. But maybe that's the point. Are they all the same mask?

Kaito Momota

♥ You just know he's going to force you to train with him. You can definitely fight it - and you probably will win. He always caves when it comes to you. You're his sweetheart.

♥ He can carry you around, but it won't be for long. He'll throw you over his shoulder and walk around whenever you complain. He does so many things, even though he is never busy. It's weird how he occupies his time.

♥ And at night, he takes this oppurunity to teach you about the stars. The two of you will stand outside and look up into the sky. He points up, taking your wrist with him.

♥ The calmness that emits from him is surprising. You've never seen him act so... soft. He really loves space, it's more than a passion. It's almost his entire life style. If you remember any of this stuff, he'll feel grateful and hella impressed.

Ryoma Hoshi

♥ He doesn't do much all day anyways. He can tell you stories about his past, but he'll leave out a lot of details.

♥ He mainly wants to do whatever you want to do. He'll watch your shows, or sit quietly as you draw.

♥ He'll ask about your favorite youtubers or influencers. He uses this as his chance to learn more about you. He loves you so much, and it really shows in moments like this.

♥ He doesn't mind showering with you or peeing in front of you. He doesn't hold you on this high pedastal. You're a human, like him, so why should he be embarrassed?

[edgyspit]

HXH characters and their S/O part one

hisoka

- would literally show you off to ANYONE ANYWHERE ANYTIME

- carries a huge picture of you in his pocket and is ALWAYS ready to pull it out

- pda is all he knows

- “public displays of affection?? what’s the point of private displays? there’s no audience!”

- lots of weird pet names (little flower, sugar pie, muffin, etc)

- will pick you up alllllll the time

- all the time

- you can be in the middle of a conversation and boom suddenly you’re over his shoulder and being carried away!

- definitely goes all out when dressing up for dates

- and expects you to do the same

- if he doesn’t think your look will turn heads it’s not good enough!!

- you’ll have to go change until he’s satisfied

- will do your makeup and let you do his

- pats on the head

- will tease you

- and often cross the line causes you to get mad

- but he loves your mad face

Chrollo

- will keep you extremely private

- it’s not that he doesn’t want to show you off, he just wants to make sure you stay safe

- he also loves the idea of keeping you as his little secret

- you’re his and only his

- star gazing dates, fancy dinner dates, picnics, really any date where you can just sit and talk

- he loves to listen to you go on about your day or the book you read or something that’s stressing you out

- the sound of your voice soothes him

- sometimes he’ll just close his eyes and hang on to every single word you say

- definitely a charmer and always full of poetic compliments

- speaking of poetic

- he always leaves love poems out for you

- on mornings where you wake up and he’s left for his next big job, there will be a little poem sitting on his pillow

- will hype you up no matter what you wear

- gala dresses are his favorite though

- he loves the way they slip off your body when he takes them off

- forehead kisses

- loves when you play with his hair

- he’s the one in charge and he makes sure you know it

- break a rule and you’ll get a punishment

- although you usually have no problem with that ;)

- calls you little girl or little mouse

-

illumi

- girlfriend/boyfriend? he doesn’t know the meaning of the word

- it’s only wife/husband for him

- the moment he looks at you and realizes he wants a commitment

- “i have decided that we will have a matrimonial bond and only the sword of death will be able to tear us apart”

- you’d just treat the engagement as a dating period

- eager to introduce you to his family

- he is extremely proud of your accomplishments and in awe of your beauty and he wants to share that with the people close to him

- can often be too blunt and won’t realize his mistakes until he notices that you’re upset

- but he’s always trying to learn how to love you better

- he can be extremely controlling

- i mean he just wants to keep you safe

- and the only way to do that is to keep you close right?

- after an argument about him wanting to put a tracking device on you he realized for this relationship to work he needed to be able to take a step back

- he really is trying his best

- the SECOND you get married he is going to try to pump you full of heirs

- absolutely loves it when you braid his hair (and when you pull it)

- doesn’t care much about what you wear as long as you look presentable, it’s just gonna get taken off anyway

- he isn’t good at compliments but he’ll just stare at you and admire you

- wraps his arms around you and loves to keep you close

- always wants you in his lap

- it never fails to make him flustered when you call him beautiful

- calls you Mrs Zoldyck and that’s about as romantic as it gets

- will always offer acupuncture to help you relax

- n o b a c k t a l k

- he will get mad and he won’t be so kind with his punishment

Kurapika

- he won’t even think about telling his friends about you

- it just won’t even cross his mind

- but one day he’ll just bring you along one day and introduce you as his girlfriend and his friends will be in shock

- “what do you mean GIRLFRIEND??”

- “uh the person im dating”

- he just considers his love a thing he doesn’t have to show off

- but in private?

- he literally can’t keep his hands off of you

- he loves pressing his forehead up to yours and just holding you as close as physically possible

- r e d e y e s

- anytime he feels an intense emotion

- like love

- or lust

- it tends to make things very interesting

- his eyes told you his feelings for you before he did

- loves giving you flowers

- picnics!

- anytime he sees one he’ll pick it ans bring it home to you

- small romantic gestures

- absolutely worships you

- just in private though

- mostly in the bedroom

- b o t t o m

Leorio

- he is ESTATIC

- he can’t even believe you even agreed to date him

- he won’t shut up about you

- and he always has a blush and goofy smile when you’re around

- kisses on the cheek!

- he loves it when you lay your head on his lap when he’s studying and reading

- he says it helps him study better even though he always ends up getting distracted and admiring you

- walks around with his arm around you

- he puts a crazy amount of effort into dates and even more on your birthday

- he just wants to make you feel loved

- extremely passionate when expressing his feelings

- maybe too passionate

- he can get way too loud and dramatic very fast

- it can be a little embarrassing but you love it

- will always bring you along to hangout with his friends

- his main goal is to make you laugh

- and you always do

- he realized he loved you after hearing you laugh your real laugh for the first time

- you think your laugh is embarrassing but it’s music to his ears

- you could wear a trash bag and he’d think it’s the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen

[whatisthiswritingthing]

Start of Something New - Lindsey Horan x Reader

A look into Lindsey’s growth after her time in France. 

Note: might be a little cliche with the podcast having just come out, so let me know...

By now in Lindsey’s career, most people knew about her time in France, they knew the general story; how she was body shamed by coaches and staff, how she overtrained, or how dangerously restricted her diet became while there.

Very few people knew the extent it affected her though or how even so many years later the impact and power it held over her mental health. Most people didn’t take the time to notice it or maybe Lindsey had just gotten really good at hiding it, good at pretending it didn’t still have this control on her.

Y/N wasn’t anything like anyone else she had ever met though. The things she saw, the things she noticed, they weren’t things anyone else ever noticed. Y/N would drop an apple or granola bar onto her bag when Lindsey wouldn’t eat enough that morning. Would offer to be her running partner when Lindsey felt she hadn’t worked hard enough in training. When she smiled, Y/N always knew if it was genuine, saw the way her eyes squinted because her smile was so large, her dimples on full display. Y/N knew the way her eyes would shine when Lindsey spoke about those she cared about, her family making then shine brighter.

Lindsey loved how shy Y/N got around her, how deep her blush turned when they would make eye contact. It made Lindsey feel powerful in a way she couldn’t explain, her confidence skyrocketing that she could make Y/N react that way without even trying, that all it took was smile.

They started as friends, subtle friends. Their friendship didn’t require them to be bus buddies or sit at the same tables for meals or spend days off together. But Y/N was always there for Lindsey, watching, observing, knowing. She would check in on Lindsey, bring her a water bottle during breaks, drop an extra dessert she knew was Lindsey’s favourite at meals, letting her squeeze her hand during acupuncture.

The midfielder knew she would need to be the one to make the push the shy girl. But even though Y/N made her feel confident and powerful, she couldn’t bring herself to do anything more than smile. Because while she felt confident, Lindsey couldn’t let her past go, couldn’t let the insecurities so engrained fade. So, she didn’t. Didn’t push, didn’t encourage.

But Y/N stuck around, continued to remind Lindsey of how great she was in the small things. And she never expected anything in return, a full dimpled smile more than enough.

That was all Lindsey ever needed. All she ever wanted, desired, craved. Someone to be patient, to understand, to care and accept her for who she is, who she was, who she had been and no longer was. To be aware of her history of emotional abuse, her body dysmorphia, and never expect her to be fine when she wasn’t.

Y/N’s patience and stubbornness was what got them to where they were now, a fresh and shiny new relationship. They had walked up to their shared room after a photo shoot for the release of the new kits and Lindsey was quiet the entire walk up. As soon as they walked into the room, Lindsey had pulled the new kit off and pulled her biggest sweater and sweatpants she could, burrowing herself under the comforter.

Y/N moved gently throughout the room, she glanced at the silent blonde in the bed, Lindsey faced the wall in front of her, eyes squeezed shut.

It was only four in the afternoon, but Y/N turned off the lights, rummaged through her bag, before setting her phone up to stream to the TV and then settling onto the bed next to Lindsey, remaining on top of the covers.

Y/N sat silent while she pulled up The Office, scrolling until she found one of Lindsey’s favourite episodes. Lindsey sniffled, and pulled the sheets tighter to her face. Y/N glanced towards her but didn’t say anything. A couple more minutes of silence and Lindsey slowly shuffled backwards under the sheet, stopping when her back touched Y/N’s thigh.

“Is this alright?” Lindsey mumbled into the sheet.

“Of course, Linds,” Y/N reassured her, twisted slightly, tucking the sheet under Lindsey’s chin.

Lindsey reached out from the sheet and blindly patted around for Y/N’s hands. Y/N saw the hand and took it in her own, letting Lindsey pull it under her own chin. The midfielder played with Y/N’s fingers before slowly rolling over, head sitting on the pillow next to Y/N’s hip. There was space between them now, but Y/N made sure her body language was open and inviting, arm up on the pillow, legs uncrossed.

The midfielder squeezed her eyes shut again, tears leaking out now. Y/N was being so patient with her, was physically opening herself up to Lindsey. She shuffled herself closer again, nose pressing into Y/N’s side, hand stretching up to play with the strings on her hoodie.

Y/N slowly brought her arm down, resting her hand closer to Lindsey’s shoulder, but still not touching her.

Lindsey smiled when she felt the vibration of Y/N giggling at the show. She shifted herself closer again, lifting her head to rest on Y/N’s hip.

“Is this alright?” Lindsey asked again, her voice muffled by Y/N’s sweater.

“Of course, Linds,” Y/N smiled, reassuring her again. Lindsey smiled to herself, her body flushing, she couldn’t believe Y/N was allowing her to do this, was allowing her to come to her as she needed, as she was ready. Y/N was handling her the way someone would handle a kicked puppy, soft and tentative, letting them come to her, letting Lindsey feel safe on her own terms.

Lindsey reached up again, searching for Y/N’s hand to guide it to rest on her shoulder, after placing it, she went back to playing with the sweater strings.

“I hate photo shoot days,” Lindsey started, voice tinged with frustration, “and new gear days. It’s the same every time. See what fits and doesn’t fit, see how everyone looks so fucking good in everything. And then there’s me,” she began to trail off.

Y/N gently scratched her nails into the fabric of Lindsey sweater, the dull pressure easing her mind, shuffling herself even closer.

“What about you Lindsey?” Y/N whispered, taking one of the sweater strings and flopping it to hit Lindsey in the face.

Lindsey scrunched her nose at the action, letting out a sigh, “Then there’s me, I look ridiculous, nothing fucking fits well,” her grip tightened on the fabric on her chest, “I, just, fuck-“

She cut herself off, frustrated tears beginning to leak out, turning her head to try and hide them against Y/N’s stomach.

“Can I tell you something Lindsey?” Y/N asked softly, hand shifting up to scratch into the baby hairs at the base of Lindsey’s skull. She waited until she felt a small nod against her stomach before she continued, “if you need me to stop, tell me or tap me, something to let me know if I go too far, ok?” she waited for another nod before starting.  

The way Y/N said it so delicately, but with so much conviction, Lindsey had no doubt Y/N would stop as soon as Lindsey wanted her to.

“You are Lindsey Horan. And you are so much more than any number on a scale, on a jersey,” Y/N started to list, pausing when she felt Lindsey’s sharp intake of breath, when she didn’t ask to stop right away, she continued, “you are more than soccer statistic, body measurements, clothing sizes, or calories. You are more. You are this,” she tapped a single finger to Lindsey’s forehead, “and this,” she slid her hand down, pushing it between their bodies and rested her palm above Lindsey’s heart.

Y/N paused and let Lindsey process what she said, waiting to make sure she hadn’t crossed the line. Lindsey could feel more tears building, she tightened her grip but didn’t pull away. Y/N pulled her hand out from between them, Lindsey’s hand latched on before it could get too far away.

“Shh, hey, I’m not going anywhere,” Y/N guided their hands back to her chest, letting Lindsey twist her fingers around the strings again, leaving her own resting on top of her wrist.

“You are Lindsey Horan,” Y/N started again, tapping a finger on her wrist as she said her name, “you are strong and resilient, and you have not let your past define you or control you; you grew from it and continue to prove every single one of them wrong and show everyone how incredibly powerful you are. Lindsey, I could go on and on for all the things that you are that aren’t physical. Because you are one of the most dynamic, unbelievable people I have ever met.”

Y/N stopped again when she could feel Lindsey’s grip tighten again, she kept her eyes on Lindsey, watching for any additional discomfort.

Lindsey shifted, turning her head so she could meet Y/N’s eyes. She could see how earnest and genuine Y/N was looking at her, that everything she had just told her she fully believed to be accurate and true, just pure honesty.

“And every time I see this smile and this dimple,” Y/N moved her hand to rub her thumb over it when Lindsey gave her a small smile, “I can’t help but smile with you, your happiness is contagious.”

Lindsey began to move herself against Y/N, when Y/N felt the movement, she lifted both hands to let Lindsey move freely. She pulled herself up until her length matched Y/N’s and pressed herself up on her palm. Y/N let Lindsey adjust herself as she needed, deciding what she was comfortable with. Lindsey felt too big to rest herself on Y/N like she wanted, like her size was too much for Y/N, regardless of everything she said already.

Sensing Lindsey’s hesitancy, Y/N slowly brought a hand to rest on her ribs. The pair made eye contact, Y/N could see the vulnerability shining in Lindsey’s eyes, the trust she was giving her with this position. Lindsey tensed when she felt the hand on her side.

“It’s ok Lindsey,” Y/N whispered, hand closing around the loose fabric of sweater. She held it until she felt Lindsey slowly relax, when she did, she gently tugged on it, pulling her body to rest on top of her.

Lindsey kept her eyes locked on Y/N’s, watching to make sure her size wasn’t too much, that weight wasn’t making Y/N uncomfortable.

“It’s ok,” Y/N repeated. Lindsey finally let her body settle fully on top of Y/N’s, she remained tense for several minutes. Y/N kept her hand curled in the sweater, holding her, ensuring she felt safe and heard and seen, then slowly wrapping her other arm around Lindsey’s waist.

Neither said anything after that. Y/N didn’t move, letting Lindsey take the comfort she desired, needed, craved. And Lindsey took it, gradually slowing her breathing and eventually falling asleep.

After that, things just were. They didn’t talk about it; they didn’t define it. Y/N continued to offer her silent support, Lindsey eagerly taking it all. Y/N never expecting anything in return.

A month of it, of them just being, of Y/N being a pillar of support for Lindsey, she found herself curled up on Y/N’s chest again. Neither saying anything, Lindsey having just slid wordlessly onto Y/N.

Lindsey had never felt this comfortable, this safe, with anyone. She knew she wanted, needed, it to be more than what was now between them.

“Y/N?” Lindsey started tentatively, playing with the strings of the other woman’s sweater.

“What’s up?” Y/N tucked a stray hair behind Lindsey’s ear, earning a small smile, settling some of her nerves.

“I’m not imagining this, right? There’s more than just us being friends here,” she looked away, focusing on her fingers twirling the sweater strings.

Y/N flattened her hand, fingers curling around the back of her neck, thumb rubbing across Lindsey’s cheek, “you’re not imagining anything Lindsey. I like you Lindsey, but I am willing to wait however long you need. I am willing to always give you the swirl off my soft serve ice cream because that’s your favourite part. I’m willing to accept you’re wrong and get pineapple on pizza. I’m willing to sleep on the right side of the bed because you prefer the left.”

“I am ready,” Lindsey cut her off, pressing a finger to her lips.

And it was that easy. They didn’t need to complicate it. They defined it, established what they wanted. Y/N smiled wide at Lindsey, grabbing her wrist, Y/N teasingly nipped at the finger on her lips before gently kissing it.

[purplesurveys]

1560

Do you own any knee-high boots? No, not my style. I was really into them as a teenager, but since I live in a super conservative country I couldn’t really wear them in public unless I was confident enough to survive all the inevitable stares. At some point though I grew out of the look.

Do you like swimming in lakes? No. Lakes are not common here to begin with.

Have you ever tubed down a river? I don’t know what this means but in any case I’ve never hung around rivers much; we don’t have lots of them here, either.

Have you ever kissed a dog on the mouth? Plenty of times. Doesn’t gross me out for the most part.

Are you accident prone? Quite, yeah. For some reason I always happen to knock over drink-filled glasses around my co-workers, so that’s been an inside joke and they ceaselessly give me shit about it. Outside of that I’m just generally clumsy.

How many squares of toilet paper do you use at a time? 5-6 at most.

Have you ever had acupuncture done to you? Nope. Needles – automatic no.

Are you a menace to society? Uh, I wouldn’t go ahead and say that.

Do you eat regurgitated bee food? Almost never.

Do you play hopscotch? Not these days, but I definitely liked drawing on the ground and playing it as a kid. In the Philippines we call it piko :)

Are you jealous of beautiful people? I’m envious largely towards the pretty privilege that undoubtedly comes easy to them, not so much their physical looks.

Are you foolish and naive? I can be pretty naïve and innocent still, yes.

Do you play with the food on your plate? No.

Do you know any eunuchs? Uh, I don’t think so.

When you were born was the umbilical cord wrapped around your neck? As far as I know, no.

Drums or flute? Drums.

What do you dread? The scenario of never resigning from my current job. Man, I really need to get that done sometime in the foreseeable future lol.

What do you look forward to? In the short-term, Tuesday - my dad is coming home and I got assigned to pick him up from the airport, so I’ve finally gotten a valid reason to file a leave ;)

Have you ever taken a mud bath? I haven’t. Sounds like something I’d love to try at least once!

Can you twist your tongue upside down? what about sideways? Sideways, sure. I tried doing upside down now but my tongue just ended up hurting, lol.

Have you ever tried to photograph a ghost? No.

Do you have nude photos of yourself posted on the internet? No.

Do you have a guilty conscience? About some things, yes.

Would you enter a burning building to save a kitten? If I feel like they were accessible enough/there’s enough time to get back in there and pick the kitten up, yes.

Are you considered “normal”? I consider myself as pretty basic, yep. The whole “I’m not like other girls” narrative is a huge fuckin bore anyway.

Do you want to skydive? Only if I had an expert strapped to my back and if they were handling absolutely everything, and all I had to do was scream and have fun lol.

Matthew, Mark, Luke, or John? If we’re talking just name preferences, Luke. But if we’re talking about the four Gospels, I used to be intrigued by John’s the most since his was written much differently than the others. 

Do you like avocados? I actually do, yes.

Have you ever been told that you talk too much? No. I feel like I’d take that personally and that such remark would stick, but since nothing comes mind then my guess is I haven’t been told this.

What’s the worst name you’ve ever been called? Don’t feel like racking such bad memories in my head.

Do you like to party? Sure, as long as the crowd is alright, the music is great, and I’m with people I’m comfortable with. Parties can be so dull if even one of these things is off.

Do you like to clean? The process itself can be tiring but the end result makes it worth it.

What did you learn today? Jin is gonna be on Running Man, heh heh. I’ve always been more of a 2 Days 1 Night girl, but I’m excited nonetheless! I’m so happy he’s gotten to be in variety shows before enlisting; he’s always been a natural at them.

Have you ever been hazed by an upperclassmen? Nah.

[ener-chi]

My heart is so fulllllll

My parents flew up today to visit! They haven't seen our new place since me and my partner moved in together. They also haven't really met my partner, either.

It went well! We hung out today, took them around the city. Had some pretty good brunch, and then went to the Zen gardens, which I LOVE. The energy and qi is sooo lovely up there. My liver loved it. I really need to spend more time in the forest and in Washington Park, for sure. Then we ate at PDX Sliders, which imo is the best burgers in Portland. And their fries are just *chef's kiss*

BUT. Earlier in the day, my dad started getting a one-sided headache, and I pressed on some acupuncture points on his head, and it went away. And then later I did a stretch for my mom to help some chronic pec minor pain that she had.

Later my dad said that he has had some chronic pain and tightness in his neck and shoulders, and was happy that I was offering to work on it. I did some stretching and tuina for him. I also was able to try some of the Teishin techniques that I learned yesterday, which actually I think are really powerful. I really like the fascial unwinding thing that I learned - I think it's really powerful.

ANYWAYS. I did all this stuff for him, and he sat up, and said that actually before we started he was getting one of the tension headaches that he gets from his neck, and it was a 7/10, but after I was done it was down to a 1/10.

Floored. Absolutely floored. I just. I love helping people. I have always been on the fence on whether or not helping people is something that I truly care about or not. Like, yes, I do like it, but it's always kind of been secondary to me learning and pursuing knowledge.

But... I just. I love helping people. So so much. It felt soo good to help him, and see and know that the affect that I had on his life and quality of life - even after ONE HALF of a full treatment. It's just...

it makes me so happy. My heart is so full. This is... I think this is what I'm here for. This is what I am meant to do. This is... what I WANT to do. There are so many people out there that need help and healing. I mean, everyone, really. And I CAN help them. I'm learning new ways of helping and healing people every day. And I'm learning different techniques too - I have physical techniques, orthopedic, energetic, emotional, mental, auric, spiritual, etc.

I want to help everyone. As much as I can.

I'm going to think on this more. Anywho, other Joys of the Day:

-My best friend and his gf surprise joined us for dinner, and it was really nice to have all the people in my life that I deeply love and care about together

-There was a rock at the Zen garden that looked like a moss ball and had a single little plant sticking out of the top - so cute!

-Saw a birb at the Zen garden really close to me

-My mom is into this new potential infrared acupuncture therapy thing, which has some wild claims but honestly seems really promising and I'm excited to try it more and see its' results

-I both feel like I am getting a much stronger grasp on school and TCM and also like I know nothing at all

-I was able to use my new Teishins to successfully treat myself today! I used them to help with some GI stuff I've been dealing with, and with great success!

That's it for now! I hope that everyone has a good night!

Blessings!

[sterkeyra]

Momo's POV after Tsugaru's S4

The first thing you'll see when you return to the office these days is.... Tsugaru: "Hey did you know? I heard that the acupuncture points can affect your brain to treat various physical ailments." MC: "If that's why you're using my head as a chin rest, I'd still not approve."

Tsugaru: "I'm trying to cheer you up, Little Hare.

Tsugaru-san puts his chin on that girl's head and continues to play around with her. I've been seeing more and more of this lately.

(Tsugaru-san is willing to die for her.)

That day I thought that person might disappear. That day I realized that he could die for someone else.

(Could this still be called a step towards the right direction...?)

That person is going to risk his life for that girl again and again. Then I'll just have to risk my life for him.

A new person has been added to the end of the chain...that's all it is...

At least it's supposed to be like that...

Tsugaru: "Ah, Momo, welcome back."

MC: "Ahh! Get away from me, please!

Tsugaru: "I'm giving you a massage. Should I give you a massage too, Momo?

Momose: "No, thank you."

Tsugaru: "For real? I'm good at it, though? Little Hare, you agree with me no?"

MC: "Please stop it, before I'm killed by Momose-san's glare!"

Tsugaru: "Momo wouldn't do something like that, right~?

Momose: "Haaaa..."

Tsugaru: "Did he just sigh at me?"

MC: "Momose-san...?"

Momose: "I'm off to lunch.

Tsugaru: "You haven't had lunch yet? Enjoy your meal and have a good day!"

The girls eyes darted around between me and him, as Tsugaru-san waved his hand flutteringly in my direction.

(What's so good about her? ...... its already a foolish question, isn't it?)

I'm taking my eyes off Tsugaru, whos sticking to her like an insect to the light, and leave the bullpen.

After the incident with the Shady Oak Association... I knew right away that their relationship had changed.

Momose: "What do you mean with I would die for you... What?"

You have to live! I don't want to let you die! It's not that I want her to die, but she's the one that makes Tsugaru-san feel that way!

Momose: "Damn it."

But because of that girl, Tsugaru-san changed the way he spent his birthday...

Conflicted by my thoughts, I am reminded of my helplessness.

Goto: "Momose? What's wrong?"

Goto, who was walking in front of me, stopped when he noticed my irritation.

Momose: "What... What would you do if Ishigami-san tried to die for someone else?"

Goto: "That's..."

Goto looked away conflicted before he faced me.

Goto: "I won't let Ishigami-san die!"

Momose: "..."

Goto: "Well then... I hope you're satisfied with the answer."

Momose: "I guess..."

That's all I need to do as well.

There's no need to think about anything else.

No matter who's around, the only one I'll see is Tsugaru-san. Right!

Momose: "What about you? Going for lunch?"

Goto: "I'm about to."

Momose: "Then let's go get some ramen. I'll pay."

Goto: "...Ah. Okay."

(Anyways, is she really your lover? That girl...)

He's never been in a real relationship, will it really work out?

In other words, if she ends up breaking that persons heart...

I'm not just going to kill her with my glare...

(I'm going to hang that rabbit.)