#i really dont want to write it anymore but also its 8 pages long so i cant give up now

[aster-aspera]

Fuck

[an-army-of-nightmares]

Porcelain Jekyll au

-

This is gonna be long so heres a tldr

TLDR: Jekyll gets taken to a sort of real nightmare party full of dolls, if he misbehaves they'll kill him and if he's a perfect gentleman he'll turn into a doll. There's a branch where he's rescued and two where he turns into a doll

--

•The au starts with Jekyll going to sleep, timeline honestly doesn't matter as long as Frankenstein, Jasper, and Jekyll are all around. Could start where tgs currently is? But Jasper doesn't accidentally wake Jekyll up in his panic

•"The Party of Dolls" is basically a supernatural nightmare? I haven't found a better explanation but basically it's a nightmare that's real and happening, while still "just" being a nightmare. It takes you to like a different dimension while you sleep basically? (The party of dolls isn't the only one but that's not relevant)

•The dolls invite specific people, they invite people who want to be perfect. People who dont want anyone to hate them or find a flaw. Jekyll fits this perfectly

•Jekyll is taken to the party. He tries to be polite despite being unnerved. There's another human at the party, he doesn't learn the man's name before the man gets ripped apart by the dolls for shouting

The dolls target specific people, but they can still take "fodder", people they know will immediately break the rules. So that their actual guests can learn what happens if they are impolite. The dolls also surround guest on all sides, and have them in the exact middle, so that the guest cannot just run out

•Jekyll is terrified, now knowing he'll die if he does something wrong, he tries his best to be perfect

•Unknown to Jekyll, if he's "perfect" he'll start turning into a doll. Ultimately it's a die or die situation

•Jekyll does start to notice the porcelain creeping up him, its be hard not to. He is very much (silently) panicking. But,, the more porcelain on him the more calm he becomes, the more he acts as if this is a simple party and nothing is wrong

•Eventually he reaches a point where he'd actively resist being taken away from the party, but still not fully covered by porcelain

A quick note, Hyde can't do anything about the situation. He wasn't invited and the dolls are suppressing him so much he can hardly even tell what's happening, or leave the mindscape. He's absolutely terrified about this because he can Feel something is wrong and everything is just becoming more and more suffocating

Now onto the branches! There are 2 and a half branches for this au!

Branch 1: Jekyll gets rescued

(Assuming this takes place at Chapter 11 Page 8)

•Jekyll is asleep on the couch, Jasper rushes in the room like his panic on the page except this time Jekyll does not wake up at Jasper's sudden entry. Jasper, noticing Jekyll is asleep, silently contemplates on if this problem is really worth waking Jekyll. Because on the one hand he's probably overreacting in his mind, but on the other Jekyll is really the only person he can panic to?

•He decides not to wake Jekyll, and wait until it's properly morning or noon?, now that the panic is a bit subdued he probably still has stuff to ask Jekyll

•He goes up to find Jekyll is still asleep, and Zosi frantically pawing at Jekyll's chest, occasionally nibbling him, and seemingly really wants to wake Jekyll up. Jasper tries to wake him up but it seems no matter how hard he tries Jekyll stays asleep

•Seeing how Lanyon probably isn't in the Society at the moment (and besides Jasper is pretty sure Robert dislikes him) and he's currently avoiding Rachel. Jasper cant ask Jekyll's friends if this is normal behavior. Why doesn't he ask the lodgers? Maybe a combination of they all seem busy and still being a bit intimidated by them? So he goes to his last best bet, Frankenstein. She's, kinda a doctor and has traveled quite a bit, so she may know whats up with Jekyll and why Zosi is panicking

Note: This whole decision happens in like a few seconds while Jasper is panicking

•Frankenstein does not ease Jasper's worries

•Ah, I guess there has to be some sort of tell, something that makes it clear someone is in one of these "supernatural nightmares" and that Jekyll is specifically in the party of dolls. Idk yet what that tell would be. But Frankenstein knows and thats all that matters

•They take Jekyll back to the attic, lock the entry, and make preparations for a rescue mission

•Frankenstein will be going in to try and distract the dolls while Jasper will be looking for Jekyll. Creature is there as plan B in case the dolls get hostile towards them (as Creature is fully capable of lifting them all up and running out of there. And the dolls are very likely to get hostile towards them)

•They get in, how? I have no clue. But they do. Probably a potion?

•Jasper quickly finds Jekyll and tries to convince him to leave. Much to Jasper's concern, Jekyll doesn't want to leave, and keeps brushing the danger off

Frankenstein and Jasper dont know much about the nightmare. Its likely all they know is that its filled with dolls and people who are "invited" are never seen again/found dead

•Frankenstein's distraction consists of pointing out flaws in how the dolls act. The dolls keep finding excuses, but eventually become agitated with her

•Japser notices the porcelain on Jekyll and loudly panics, attracting the already agitated dolls attention

•Creature picks them all up and runs towards the doors. Jekyll is greatly struggling against this rescue attempt, but once they get out of the building and onto the stretch of yard before the exit Jekyll calms down significantly

Jekyll did not actually calm down, but rather Hyde managed to weasel control after they left the building. Hyde absolutely does not want to be at this party, and Jekyll's struggling could've jeopardized the rescue

•They get back! Whatever porcelain was on Jekyll falls off him with ease. He's angry for maybe half a day or more. But when the doll's control completely leaves him, he's nothing but relieved

Sidenote: It seems reasonable that this whole experience would leave Jekyll with a fear of going to sleep. Perhaps give him something that can deter these types of nightmares? A desire for the comfort of another person, at least in the room, while he's asleep?

Branch 2: Jekyll fully turns into a doll

•Well either Jekyll went to sleep at his own home or some place where no one would think to look for him, as if he was right in the society they'd certainly take notice that something is wrong

•Jekyll fully turns to porcelain. Once he's a full doll they give him new clothes (the sand/beige colored suit I tend to draw porcelain Jekyll in)

Previously, Jekyll had been wearing the suit he wears at any formal party, like the ball in An Army Of Nightmares

•Porcelain Jekyll gets back to the real world. This is not entirely out of the ordinary for the dolls to do. If a guest was reasonably young or famous they'll be returned once a doll, to make themselves more known or respectable before they "die" and go back to the party full time

•Zosi notices something is Wrong while Jekyll is asleep and tries to wake him up to no avail, Zosi can't bark for attention and he's scared of leaving Jekyll alone, the few times he does go out to find someone he's largely ignored or avoided, or they misinterpret what the zombie pup wants. When Jekyll does wake up, Zosi immediately notices that it's not Jekyll, at least not anymore. Zosi knows he's supposed to get rid of any evil creatures, but this was once Jekyll. So the pup runs away and avoids him instead

•ooo I dont want to describe this whole branch? This has already taken way longer for me to write then I want XD, just check out this reblog chain about it bsksndks

•

Branch 2 ½: Jekyll dies

•Jekyll fully turns into a doll, however instead of entering the real world his real body simply dies. He's found rotting in bed. "Jekyll" however, is still in the party. (Fun fact, this was the original plan for the au)

-----

Extra notes:

▪All the dolls in the party were once people, except for maybe one or two? A handful? But it has long since been lost who's who. And it never mattered

▪Lanyon would not have ever been invited to the party. He doesn't seem to want to be a gentleman, and he knows too much about etiquette to be fodder either

▪Jasper is a proper candidate to be invited, and in branch 2 "Jekyll" is giving him alot more lessons on how to be a proper gentleman, planning to invite Jasper to the party at some point

▪The party always has a host that they cycle though, the host talks to guests a bit more than everyone else

▪Porcelain Jekyll gets to keep his new clothes when returning to the real world

[lady-writes]

author interview!

I CURSE YOUR NAME, THOUGH I LOVE YOUR FACE @nevermindirah

1. how many works do you have on AO3?

9

2. what's your total AO3 word count?

59,530, also thanks to this i now know that ao3 has a stats page!

3. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Gamefreaks-96

Rhymes with Shook Her-59

Summon the Pearl Rosary and Relax-55

And Don’t Underestimate the Importance of Body Language-39

2117, Revisited-36

4. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

Yeah I try to!  but uhhhh iim forgetful AF and the ADHD troll plays hell on my sense of object ermanencee. I do LOVE MY COMMENTS THOUGH. And I find it hilarious that tthe story that rounds out my top 3 for p much everything has one (1) comment…. I love reading what ppl think of the works, especially the ones I consider OTT and that’s DEFINITLY one I’d love feedback on, but yanno I get it 🤣😅

5. what's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

i…. do not write angst????? So uh…… Probably Body Language what with the whole Nile leaving her family/pod behind for a life on land but like….. its still not remotely angsty…. I simply dont write things that make me feel bad…So yeah  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

6. what's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

uhhh I guess 2117? cuz its literally a drabble about a wedding where everyone is REALLY PLEASED ITS HAPPENING. Or maybe Gamefreaks with its RAMPANT found family vibes

7. do you write crossovers? if so what is the craziest one you've written?

Not anymore I dont… though it might happen again in a WAY LESS “cringey” way than i did it back in Ye Olde FF.net days. Pretty Sure at some point I wrote HP/Glee Karaoke crackfic😬

8. have you ever received hate on a fic?

nope!

9. do you write smut? if so what kind?

yup! the excessive, unrealistic and ridiculously kinky kind. Seeing as how thats the only kind of sex i have any personal investment in😜

10. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledege

11. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope

12. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not really, but I’d be down

13. what's your all-time favorite ship?

no. too big of a question i dont think i can answer…..

(either arthur/Eames or some UNHOLY permutation of MCU/Avengers multi shipping)

14. what's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

ughhhhhhhhhhhh, cut me to the bone why dont you. I have more WIPs than complete works by 3times and then some and I truly want to finish them all but I have 0 ability to make my brain focus on any given story at a time. Based on what I’ve been able to be productive on in the last 9 months things that will never properly see the light of day are as follows:

- Andy gets preggo after losing her immortality

- Not exactly a pride and prejudice au (the story that made me accept i was writing fic again and I'm peeved that my brain has abandoned it because its the basis of SO MUCH of my Nile HC's somehow)

- Historial BoN in canon fic, wherein Nile is Booker's wife in the 1800's and they're an immortal pair like NicoJoe

-Harpy Nile/Dragon Booker

-Magical Realism Quest fic Ft BoN and Lykon

- the addams family crossover TOG college fic ft. Swamp Witch Nile 😭😫😭

And god help me its looking bleak for these 3 BUT I REALLY WANNAAAAA

- Booker gets pegged by Drag King Nile

-the 2 part pre BoN Booker and Nile character study 5+1 fics tentatively titled 5 times Sebastien LeLivre let his loved ones down (...) and 5 Time Nile Freeman had to Accept Healing over Vengance(...)

- BoN as 60's suburbia Newlyweds hitting a roughpatch at the same time that A/N/J/Q move into the duplex across the Street in a pair of Beard relationships hinged on the idea that Nicky and Andy are siblings

15. what are your writing strengths?

??? I thiink the best comment i’ve gotten re: my writing was that I am good at telling a story that feels quickpaced without actually rushing the pace of my writing…. that was nice🥰🥰🥰

16. what are your writing weaknesses?

Maintaning focus/motivation long enough to finish a work…. ADHD is a nightmare and a bitch and she hates my desire to write apparently🙃

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

if it feels right to me…. I grew up in a multi-lingual home even though Im only fluent in english so I have a feeling for communicating outside of my lingual comfort zone…. That tends to inform how I try to handle such things

18. what was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter so many fucking moons ago. 

19. what's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

poly guard and andromaquynh

20. what's your favorite fic you've written?

is it cheating to pick unfinished things?

the ruined regency Nile kink meme fill of doom and the Nile’s first 100 immortal yrs fic

for the finished things…. Dont//Speak or Rhymes with Shook Her: the latter cuz i wrote decent smut for the first time ever and the former because I feel like that one went out into the world in a properly representative form of what materialized in my head. Also i spat that bitch out in under 24 hours 🎊🎊🎊WHICH IS A GD TRIUMPH🎊🎊🎊

Tagging in case any of y'all feel like doing this! @winterequinoxx @stele3 @sphinx81 @saxifraga-x-urbium @eeyore9990

[abrakophile]

I was looking through a bunch of junk and found some letters from my dad when he was in the army. I’m afraid I'll accidently toss them, so maybe I’ll put them here?

OPs Name JUNE 02 03

I LOVE YOU

THIS IS MY NAME IN KURDISH

*my dad wrote his first and last name, and under it, in Kurdish*

ILL TRY AND FIND OUT HOW TO WRITE YOUR NAME AND MOMS TOO.

ITS STILL HOT. I WORK AND READ BOOKS TO PASS THE TIME AWAY.

HOW ARE YOU DOING? GOOD I HOPE. WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN? DO YOU EVER HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS? TELL THEM I SAID “WASSUP?” NAH, DONT TELL THEM. TELL ME WHAT YOUR THINKING. I’M TRYING TO SEND YOU SOME MORE OF MY DRAWINGS. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DRAW YOU? DID YOU LIKE THE DRAWING I SENT YOU OF YOU NAME? ITS ALRIGHT IF YOU DIDNY. JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU DO WANT ME TO DRAW YOU.

(Flip Page)

THIS IS WEIRD! (The page does not have lines on the left side of it) i WONDER WHAT HAPPENED TO THIS PIECE OF PAPER. HaHa

I MISS YOU ALOT. PLEASE SOND ME SOME MORE OF YOUR DRAWINGS, YOU CAN DRAW ME ANYTHING YOU WANT TO.

ARE YOU BEING GOOD FOR YOUR MOM? ITS NICE IF YOU HELP HER OUT WHILE I’M AWAY.

HAVE YOU BEEN ANYPLACE NEW? HOW IS SCHOOL GOING FOR YOU? IS MOMMY GOING TO SCHOOL? I KNOW I WANT TO GO TO SCHOOL WHEN I GET BACK. HOPEFULLY I GET THE CHANCE TO LEARN EVERYTHING THAT THERE IS TO KNOW. THAT WOULD BE GREAT.

ALSO, ID LIKE TO DO SOME FISHING? HOW ABOUT YOU? I GUESS ILL END HERE. BE GOOD AND STAY IN SCHOOL. AND JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS.

THEYRE BAD.

I LIVE YOU OP

*hearts and x’s* DADDY

---

(I don’t know if all these pages are in order or if it’s missing any, but this was the letter in the same stack as the last but this one was for my mom. In some places his indents indicate passage of time.)

I HAVENT HAD ANY TIME TO WRITE SINCE WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD, NOT TO MENTION THAT WE CAN’T SEND MAIL WHEN WE’RE MOVING ALL THE TIME.

WEVE BEEN ON THE ROAD FOR ABOUT FIVE OR SIX DAYS, I HAVENT REALLY BEEN COUNTING. I KNOW I TOLD YOU THAT WE’D BE IN KUWAIT FOR A WHILE, BUT THAT WAS SO YOU WOULDNT BE WORRIED. I’M GOING TO KEEP THIS LETTER THOUGH, TILL I GET HOME.

ABOUT TWO NIGHTS AGO, WE DROVE THROUGH BAGDHAD, SOMEBODY SAID THAT THERE WERE PILED BODIES, I DONT KNOW IF IT WAS TRUE.

AND I GUESS YESTERDAY, A COUPLE OF PEOPLE SAID THEY SAW A MISSILE OR SOEMTHING SHOT AT US. I WAS TRYING TO FIX A TRUCK SO I DIDNT SEE IT.

ITS NOT AS DUSTY HERE IN IRAQ. IT REMINDS ME OF THE CONVOYS IN KOREA.

MOST OF THE PEOPLE WILL WAVE “HI”. SOME OTHERS DONT.

I SAW A KID OPEN HIS HAND ONCE WHILE MOVING, AND IT SAID “BUSH” THAT WAS KIND OF COOL.

OH YEAH. HERES A STORY. WHILE OUT DOING A MISSION, ONE OF OUR “BRADLEY” TANKS FIRED ON AN ENEMY AMMO TRUCK AND CLIPPED A KID. THE ROUNDS BLEW ONE OF HIS LEGS OFF AND SOME OF THE OTHER, FROM THE KNEE DOWN. SO THE MEDICS PICKED HIM UP AND BROUGHT HIM TO OUR RECONCOLIDATING POINT FOR MEDICAL TREATMENT. I GUESS HE EVENTUALLY DIED FROM LOSS OF BLOOD THE NEXT NIGHT AND YESTERDAY THEY TOOK HIM OUT AND BURIED HIM.

ALSO WE PICKED UP ABOUT 25-30 P.O.W.s AND SENT THEM SOUTH.

IT GETS PRETTY COLD AT NIGHT. AND THE DAY’S ARE VERY HOT.

SINCE WE LEFT KUWAIT ITS BEEN ME AND MENDOZA IN THE FIVE TON WRECKER AND I HAVE TO ADMIT THAT ITS BEEN EXCITING. WE KEPT GETTING SEPERATED FROM THE CONVOY AND BREAKING DOWN. BUT I THINK THAT WERE BETTER NOW. HOPEFULLY.

IM STILL WAITING TO BE AMBUSHED TO MAKE ALL THIS SEEM REAL TO ME. A PART OF ME WANTS IT AND ANOTHER DOESNT.

AND IT SEEMS LIKE ONLY OUR UNIT HAS TO STAY IN UNIFORM, EVERYONE ELSE WEARS T-SHIRTS AND BANDENA’S AND RAGS ON THEIR HEAD

WERE STILL GOING NORTH. NOBODY KNOWS HOW LONG WE’LL STAY. ITS NOT THAT BAD HERE. MEANING, IT COULD BE WORSE. 

I USED A “SHIT-CHAIR”. ITS JUST A METAL CHAIR WITH A HOLE CUT IN THE MIDDLE AND THE SEAT FROM A TOILET BOLTED TO IT, GROSS.

HELICOPTERS CAN BE HEARD ALL DAY AND NIGHT. I GOT TO SEE THEM DROP BOMBS ALL DAY ABOUT 3 DAYS AGO, FROM A DISTANCE OF COURSE.

ILL BE DRIVING AGAIN, IN A MINUTE. PROBABLY RE-FUEL AND BACK ON THE ROAD AGAIN. IM ENJOYING IT.

I HAVE 8 MAGAZINES FULL OF ROUNDS. NO GRENADES, BUT I LIKE IT LIKE THAT.

SOMETIMES IT SMELLS LIKE SHIT.

I GUESS ILL END IT HERE FOR NOW

I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU TWO TWICE IF NOT THRICE AS MUCH AS YOU MIGHT MISS ME TOO.

HELLO AGAIN. WERE SOMEWHERE NEAR TIKRI + MOSUL. YESTERDAY, ME + MENDOZA WENT LOOKING FOR MOMENTO’S. WE BROKE A LOCK TO A NEAR BY BUNKER AND FOUND 6 A.K.47s! BUT ON OUR WAY BACK TO TURN THEM IN, MAJOR TATU GOT THEM FROM US. I WAS SO PISSED. BUT I GOT A GAS MASK w/ FILTER, A FULL MAGAZINE CLIP FROM ONE OF THE A.K.s AND A BERET WITH IRAQ 1 RANK ON IT.

I MADE A STENCIL FOR THE TRUCK WERE RIDING IN. ITS CALLED THE “GAMBLER.” YESTERDAY MENDOZA DROVE, SO TODAY ILL BE DRIVING.

IM NOT POSITIVE, BUT, I THINK WERE GOING TO TURKEY. NIETO SAYS THAT HE OVERHEARD SOMEBODY FROM S1 (or SI, I’m not sure) SAYING WE MIGHT GET PAID EXTRA FOR GOING THROUGH BAGHDAD.

I THINK NIETO’S MAD AT ME. CANT EXPLAIN WHY. MAYBE ITS BECAUSE IM RIDING WITH MENDOZA AND HE DOESNT LIKE MENDOZA TOO MUCH. OH WELL, WHATEVER REASON, HOPE THINGS GET NORMAL AGAIN. HAVE TO GO,

*hearts and xs*

TODAY IS THE 25th OF APRIL, I RECEIVED FIVE OR SIX (OR SEVEN) LETTERS YESTERDAY. THE LATEST WAS DATED 07 OF APRIL. THAT TELLS ME THAT ITS GOING TO TAKE A WHILE TO COMMUNICATE.

WE HAVENT RECEIVED MAIL BECAUSE WEVE BEEN MOVING NEVER STAYING IN ONE PLACE MORE THAN A DAY, OR TWO, UNTIL NOW. WE’VE BEEN IN THIS SPOT GOING ON FOUR DAYS TOMORROW?!

GIVE ME A MINUTE...

FOR THE LAST COUPLE OF DAYS IVE BEEN HELPING MENDOZA PULL THE ENGINE OUT OF A 5 TON TRUCK AND SWITCH IT w/ ANOTHER ONE. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASY BUT THE FLY WHEEL SEIZED UP INSIDE THE BELL HOUSING. ITS FINISHED NOW AND THE RUMOR IS WE’RE LEAVING  (OR MOVING) AGAIN TOMORROW.

ITS 10:33 THURSDAY MORNING. YOUR TIME IS 12:32 JUST TURNING THURSDAY.

I ALMOST CRYED WHEN I SAW ELIS PICTURE. I REALLY MISS BOTH OF YOU. LET ME BACK TO BEFORE I GOT DISTRACTED. I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO SEND MAIL BECAUSE WE’VE BEEN MOVING. BUT I GUESS THAT WHATEVER THREAT THERE WAS (IF ANY), ISNT SO THREATFUL ANYMORE, WE CAN START RECEIVING AND SENDING MAIL. NO PHONE TO CALL FROM, AND NO INTERNET TO E-MAIL FROM.

THE WHOLE UNIT IS SCATTERED, SO EVEN IF I GET WHAT YOU NEED IT’LL TAKE FOREVER TO GET IT TO YOU. LET ME PULL THOSE LETTERS BACK OUT. OH WAIT. I DID LAUNDRY AND SOME UNDERWEAR THATS DRY, FELT HARD, OH WELL, WAIT A SECOND, K

I HAD TO FOLD SOME T-SHIRTS. ALL MY SOCKS ARE STILL DAMP. 

YOU CAN USE MY CONTRACT TO SHOW THAT I ENLISTED IN TEXAS AND HOWS THIS

*On a separate sheet my dad wrote a detailed note for my mom to give to someone to confirm that he did want to buy a house. He writes “I AM ALIVE AND WELL.” and “PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PAPER”, then he signed it with his scribble signature, and underneath it wrote his name in print and added “1st SQUADRON 10th CAVALRY HEADQUARTERS TROOP (I have no clue what this means)*

HOW’S THAT? HOPE I SPELLED EVERYTHING CORRECTLY. IM ALMOST READY WITH A DESIGN TO COVER THE OTHER TATTOOS ON MY LEFT FOREARM.

I JUST FINISHED LOOKING OVER ALL THOSE LETTERS YOU SENT FOR ME

IM BACK! I GOT SLEEPY SO I TRYED TO LAY DOWN FOR A LITTLE BIT. NO SLEEP. I DONT THINK. I DIDNT HAVE ENOUGH WATER TO WASH MY DCV’S AND A PAIR OF BDV’S. BESIDES FOR DRINKING WATER, BUT WE HAVE TO CONSERVE IT.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THE RUMORS. TOMORROW WE’LL BE LEAVING FOR THE IRAN/IRAQ BORDER TO DO “PEACE KEEPING” FOR 3 TO 6 mths. OTHERS SAY THAT THE 4ID (i think is what this says) GENERAL WANTS TO KEEP US HERE TILL NOV., THATS WHEN 1 CAV WILL COME TO REPLACE US. WHILE OTHERS SAY WE MIGHT LEAVE BY JUNE. NOTHINGS FOR SURE.

SMALLER RUMORS FLOATING AROUND THE SITE ARE; RAMSEY AND SFC BACON ARE SLEEPING TOGETHER. SGT SIREK HAS PLANS TO TAKE NIETO AS HIS APPRENTICE AND PADIWAN LEARNER OF THE DARK SIDE. LITTLE BLACK ARNOLD IS MILITARY INTELLIGENCE FOR SPECIAL FORCES OPERATING UNDER COVER A SURVEILLENCE AS PART OF

*the rest of the page is blank*

IM BACK. TODAY IS THE 27th. I GOT BACK TO THE LITTLE CAMP AREA ABOUT AN HOUR AND A HALF AGO. I LEFT YESTERDAY MORNING TO, WELL, AS PART OF DE-CON (DE-CONTAMINATION) MISSION. HERES THE INFORMATION THAT I GATHERED.

A SITE HAD BEEN FOUND THAT WAS THOUGHT TO HAVE CHEMICAL WEAPONS AND 1-10 WAS APPOINTED TO GO TO THE SITE AND DE-CON THE CIVILIANS THAT WERE GOING TO OPEN THEM. AS IT TURNS OUT THE CIVILIANS HAVE BEEN DE-LAYED AND WOULD BE SET BACK 1 DAY.

THE NBC TEAM THAT I WAS WITH WERENT PREPARED TO STAY OVER NIGHT AND AS FORCASTED BY SSG MINOR WE MIGHT HAVE HAD TO STAY 3 TO 4 DAYS. EVERYBODY WAS PISSED.

LATELY ITS BEEN GETTING REALLY COLD AT NIGHT AND WE JUST HAPPENED TO BE NEAR A RUNNING RIVER. SO THE, ITS ABOUT 9 O’CLOCK AND IM BEAT, NO SLEEPING BAG OR ANYTHING TO COVER UP WITH AND I DECIDE TO TRY AND SLEEP. I GET AS COMFORTABLE AS POSSIBLE AND I GET ATTACKED BY MOSQUITOS. NOW IM PISSED SO I DECIDED TO JUST TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT. ABOUT 10PM ONE OF THE HEMTT (this might just say “hemi”, I don’t know) FUELERS SHOWS UP AND SGT TORRES SAYS HE HAS EVERYBODYS SLEEPING BAG! THE SITES ABOUT 45 MINS AWAY AND THEY LEFT SOMETIME MID AFTERNOON TO GET OUR SHIT, I HATE THESE PEOPLE.

RIGHT NOW ITS 9:01 PM AND ITS 11:02 AM YOUR TIME. I MISS YOU.

RIGHT NOW IM GOING TO ADDRESS AN ENVELOPE AND HAVE IT READY TO SEND TOMMOROW THE 28th. IM SORRY IF IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT WRITING VERY OFTEN. FOR A WHILE WE COULDN’T. AND NOW THAT IT SEEMS WE MIGHT BE HERE A LITTLE WHILE, THEYVE KEPT ME REALLY BUSY. LET ME ADDRESS THE ENVELOPES (he drew a star here)

ALL DONE. I THOUGHT ABOUT THE HOUSE A LOT TODAY AND YESTERDAY. IM SURE BY THE TIME THIS LETTER REACHES YOU, YOU’LL HAVE EITHER GOTTEN IT OR GAVE IT UP. IM O.K. WITH EITHER DECISION YOUVE MADE.

YOUVE KEPT THIS FAMILY TOGETHER, AND THAT MAKES ME PROUD. YOUR SMART, ATTRACTIVE AND FUNNY. AND YOU DONT TAKE ANY SHIT FROM ANYBODY. I LOVE YOU.

I HOPE THAT OUR DAUGHTER TURNS OUT TO BE LIKE YOU.

I GUESS ILL MAIL THIS TOMORROW, FIRST THING, SO

EVER YOURS

EVER MINE

*my dad signed it with his scribble, and wrote his name under it. under that are hearts and x’s with my mom’s name and then my name under hers.*

[damienhaasbaybee]

Figured it out 😂 for the let's get personal, can I request that you do them all?

I DID IT BAYBEEEEEEE.

* 1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

I’ll Be There For You and Bad Medicine by Bon Jovi, In My Head by Ariana Grande, I Believe by Jonas Brothers, Air Force Ones by Nelly, and Chasing Pavements by Adele

* 2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Harry Styles or Damien Haas so they can fall in love with me.

* 3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“me that it was a sometimes temporary paralysis that causes damage”

* 4: What do you think about most? the fact that I have nothing to really work towards

* 5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

“I’m tireddd”

* 6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on?

without most of the time

* 7: What’s your strangest talent?

number and address recall 🙄 its embarrassing sometimes lol

* 8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence)

girls go to college to get more knowledge boys go to jupiter to get more stupider

* 9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

fuck no lol

* 10: When is the last time you played the air guitar?

um... today.. in the car

* 11: Do you have any strange phobias?

raw chicken.

* 12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose?

a piece of ice so i could pierce my nose.

* 13: What’s your religion?

christian

* 14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

um... if its for pleasure... swimming.

* 15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind lol

* 16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

of all time... linkin park or one direction

* 17: What was the last lie you told?

that I’m fine lol

* 18: Do you believe in karma?

v much so

* 19: What does your URL mean?

um... i am damien haas’ baybee and he is also my baybee

* 20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

weakness, helping people until I die strength, i am honest

* 21: Who is your celebrity crush ?

james marsden, david dobrik, zac efron, miles teller, damien haas...

* 22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

no

* 23: How do you vent your anger?

i sing real fucking loud

* 24: Do you have a collection of anything?

one direction memorabilia lol

* 25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

either works with me tbh

* 26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

yes.

* 27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

sound I hate: hearing others talk on the phone, sound I love: rubbing clean hands on a clean table

* 28: What’s your biggest “what if”?

what if I’m just crazy and none of this is real

* 29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes. anything is possible.

* 30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

my comforter both times lol

* 31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

a clean house lol

* 32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

uhhhh Louisville

* 33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

west coast because i have never been

* 34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender?

Harry Styles

* 35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

to leave the earth better than I found it

* 36: Define Art.

art is everything and nothing that a person wants it to be

* 37: Do you believe in luck?

I do. circumstances create luck.

* 38: What’s the weather like right now?

pretty clear

* 39: What time is it?

10:08pm

* 40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

yes and yes! I won’t say what it was but it hit ME.

* 41: What was the last book you read?

I tried reading Girl Wash Your Face but couldn’t get into it.

* 42: Do you like the smell of gasoline?

Yes

* 43: Do you have any nicknames?

yes I do... you can call me queen tho.

* 44: What was the last film you saw?

Legally Blonde

* 45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

several ankles sprained severely on each side.

* 46: Have you ever caught a butterfly?

no

* 47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

yes. damien haas.

* 48: What’s your sexual orientation?

bisexual, demisexual, pansexual????

* 49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

yes. I was pregnant.

* 50: Do you believe in magic?

no.

* 51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yes, unfortunately.

* 52: What is your astrological sign?

cancer

* 53: Do you save money or spend it?

both!

* 54: What’s the last thing you purchased?

a carwash for my dads truck

* 55: Love or lust?

both

* 56: In a relationship?

somewhat

* 57: How many relationships have you had?

two

* 58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

no

* 59: Where were you yesterday?

home

* 60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?

yes, my water bottle

* 61: Are you wearing socks right now?

no, never

* 62: What’s your favourite animal?

polar bear

* 63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

my hospitality (including dis mouf)

* 64: Where is your best friend?

idk, at home?

* 65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

oooooo bisquett, thebasketcase101, persistence-ofmemories, creativegoof, and zanesgirlfriend

* 66: What is your heritage?

I am part native american and european as far as i know. i want to do a 23andme so I can find out. My skin tans realllllly dark even with tons fo sunscreen on so that makes me think I have more Native American than I thought.

* 67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

I was definitely watching New Girl

* 68: What do you think is Satan’s last name?

idk... Jones?

* 69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

biiiiitch of course I have.

* 70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yes. I may suck but I am loyal as hell and I’ll do anything for my friends.

* 71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

save the dog, fuck that job.

* 72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

a) yes b) spend it with family and write a book c) fuck yes. i am terrified of death all the time.

* 73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

trust. love is nothing without being able to trust.

* 74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

It’s A Great Day to Be Alive by Travis Tritt

* 75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

1389.. not in that order.

* 76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

honesty and communication.

* 77: How can I win your heart?

buy me food and show me that I can trust you with my heart. I sturggle to trust people. I also NEED to be called pet names.

* 78: Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Yes.

* 79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

Quitting my toxic ass job.

* 80: What size shoes do you wear?

9.5

* 81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

She did her best, even when odds were against her.

* 82: What is your favourite word?

I dont have a favorite but my least favorite is “creamy”.

* 83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

Love.

* 84: What is a saying you say a lot?

“ooooo bitch”

* 85: What’s the last song you listened to?

Always You, Louis Tomlinson

* 86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours?

darkkk red and black

* 87: What is your current desktop picture?

bitch I aint been on there in so long, I have no clue.

* 88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

Donald Trump

* 89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

depends on who is asking, if its my family... asking my sexuality.

* 90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do?

Fucking scream and run.

* 91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Mind reading.

* 92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

Seeing my dads face when I walked across the stage at graduation or him telling me how I looked in my junior prom dress.

* 93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

Watching my dad die.

* 94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

Harry Styles.

* 95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

The beach, pronto.

* 96: Do you have any relatives in jail?

Not anymore

* 97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

No

* 98: Ever been on a plane?

Yes. I loved it.

* 99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

Love others like you would like to be loved and see where that gets you.

[andyparxia]

Military

A boy was crying and yelling. “I don't want to go to military when I grow up,” The mother annoyed assured him that since he is only 12, there is still 6 years to go. That is a long time, perhaps in 6 years the rules has changed. Maybe its not a requirement anymore, and more of a choice. The stupid fucking boy stopped crying and thought "perhaps you're right mother, perhaps indeed."

6 years later

The boy now 18 years old was quite miserable going to carpenter school. "I don't want to go to school today," he said to his mother. "Just finish this year and you can do something else," the mother said. Little did he know that there was a surprise for him in the mail box. A letter just for the boy. "Who would send me letters?," the boy thought. He slit open the letter and got quite nervous. "Yikes, its from the government."

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO A BUILDING WHERE WE CAN TEST IF YOU ARE ELIGIBLE TO BE SUBBMITED TO THE MILITARY. IF YOU DO NOT SHOW UP, YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL LOL" - The Military

PTSD from 6 years ago came rushing down. "Mother was wrong all along" he said. How can a mother be wrong? How can the government do this to a little boy like me? Barely out of the womb and now straight into fucking war.

Day of the testing months later

Lucky for the boy he had legit reason to take a day of school. "I'm so happy I won't get a mark on my day of from school". Only times you have a legit reason and wont get punished at school for it is for testing like these, or funerals. And it did feel like a funeral, the boys freedom had officially died. "My freedom" he cried inside while on the train.

The boy had to follow people that was going to the same place, because he had no fucking clue where to go. He wasn't used to being on the road alone. Eventually they did find the place and the waiting started. Hours later sitting at a very uncomfortable chair someone called his name "ANDRÉ". It was for the doctor. The boy sat down and the doctor asked all kinds of questions. "Any mental problems?" "Any health problems?" "Problems in the family?" Nope nope nope the boy said to it all. "what a dull boy," the doctor probably was thinking. Time for sound test. The Doctor put the boy in a soundproof box and played certain tones. The boy had to click a button for every time he heard a tone. Little did the doc know that this dull little boy was being a little cheeky. He didn't press every time he heard the tone. "that'll show him," the boy badly smiled. "looks good," the doc said happily. "Fuck". The boy was disappointed. Back to the chair with him.

What felt like hours later they gathered all the boys for math tests. "Another chance to fake my results" the cheeky little boy thought. He suddenly noticed that by every random answer on the page, there was a very subtle dot drawn by a pencil. The military had just reused old papers from older contestants. The boy stupidly picked every answer that had the dot and it probably made him look like some math genius. So by picking all the wrong answers he picked the right.. Back to the chair. Hours later he was called in one last time by a dude that asked him all kind of questions. "Do you want to go to the military?". "Fuck no" the boy thought, "No," the boy said. After bunch of questions the boy was free to leave and head home. "I probably wont get called in for military in 1 year time" he thought to himself. Surely my answers was dumb enough for me to not get called in?

One year later.

Another letter in the mail.

"YOU ARE HEREBY FORCED TO TRAVEL TO THE MILLITARY, THE SEA MILITARY SPECIALLY BECAUSE WE KNOW YOU HATE THE SEA AND GET SEASICK VERY FUCKING EASILY. IF YOU DONT GO WE SEND YOU TO JAIL LOL" - The Military.

The boy was not amused. Finally done with school and now to military. 

The day of

The boy couldn't sleep, he only had hours before he had to leave. He got a brilliant idea to watch a 3 hour long new Lynch movie that just came out. So instead of sleeping, he watched a 3 hour long acid trip of a film. Brilliant idea.

The mother was teary eyed knowing she wouldn't see the son for a couple of years. Meanwhile the sleep depraved boy was sure he was coming back soon. "No fucking way I'm staying" he thought. "Told you so" he said to his mother while giving her a hug and off to military with him. 8 hours train ride went quick, he was listening to some bad Dane Cook show while thinking of that fucking film. "What the fuck did I watch".

He arrived at the station. Yet again no idea where to go. The boy found some poor souls that was going to the same camp, together they found the bus and away they went. The camp wasn't far away, 15 minute bus ride. The boy was surprised how local the camp was compared to the city. Like a big playground in the middle of civilisation. But instead of children running around playing, these grown ass men are running around playing war. The gates opened at the first thing he saw was people walking in groups, mighty impressive coordinated groups. Rifles on their shoulders, swinging them around like a show.

The boys got showed around and eventually ended up in a big gym. Bags in the floor while police and dogs sniffed out for drugs. Even though the boy was clean he was still nervous that the dog found something. Couple stoners was sweating beside him, and the dog barked. The boy was jealous of the stoners, "lucky them" he thought. They can leave and he was stuck here. After the drug sniffing, all the boys was pushed to the cinema of the camp. There they had to wait for all the other people getting sniffed out. A film were showing the the people waiting, it was "The Hills Have Eyes 2" from 2007. The boy found it a bit weird to sit in a cinema in a military camp watching a film with gore and people getting raped, but it was what it was.The film turned off suddenly. All the boys were done getting sniffed. Everyone was now in the cinema. 

"PEOPLE THAT ARE STAYING SIT IN ROW 1-3". "PEOPLE THAT HAVE A LEGIT REASON TO LEAVE, GO SIT IN ROW 4 AND UP" a dude yelled. "Oh fuck what do I do? I don't want to stay, but I have no legit reason to stay other than a note from the doctor that say that I have "snapping hips"". “Fuck it”, the boy went to row 4 and sat down. Luckily a bunch of other people followed suit. They were around 10 all together. "THE PUSSIES, FOLLOW ME", the man yelled (not really but he was 100% thinking it). All the pussy boys follow the man trough the playground. He stopped at a house. "Here you sleep for tonight, tomorrow after breakfast you are going to see a doctor to see if you have a LEGIT reason to leave. Good night." The boys went inside. There were pool tables, tv with news playing. All kinds of fun shit to do. The boy sat in the corner while all the other pussy boys were bitching about how they wanted to leave. This felt good to the boy, knowing there were other boys like him there. 

It was getting late and all the boys went up to the bedroom to sleep. The boy was shocked to see that all the beds did not have the beddings already put on. The boy had never done it himself. He struggled getting it on, so he eventually he had to ask for help. Ashamed the boy went to bed, very quickly falling asleep. A sleep that was quite comfortable and he slept very well. (No kappa).

The next day

A dude with a fucking bell in the hall woke up all the boys. "Time for shower and breakfast". The boy had never showered with other people in his life, he always avoided it like the plague, so he avoided it this time as well. The boy grew more pathetic by the minute. They all went outside to the dining hall, it was dark as fuck. Dark and cold. There was a long line outside of the dining hall. It took about 20 minutes to finally get in, eat stale bread with cheese while listening to a hall for of noise. "I got to get the fuck out," the boy thought. After the food all the pussies got pushed to a building where all the doctors were located. There was a tv in the waiting room playing "Band of Brothers". Nothing more ironic watching people getting blown up in the war on tv in the waiting room of a military camp. Outside the window the boy was watching people doing push ups. "Thank God I'm not one of them, I literally cant even do one push up". DING, the boy got an idea. He has a note from the doctor about snapping hips (Which means that many of his joins snaps every time he moves them in a certain way), which makes push ups and sit ups quite painful. Not to mention that he doesn't shower with other people, because he often got to clean his hairy asshole in a hard way. "Cant bend over like that in the shower in front of people, neither can one go around with poopy asshole", the boy thought. The boy now had an legit excuse. Hairy asshole and snapping hips.

Literally hours later the boy got called in. He now has a plan. "So why do you not want to stay?", the doctor asked. "Well I don't want to shower with other people and I have snapping hips.". "Why don't you want to shower with other people?" the doc asked. "Well I'm very hairy... a certain place." he said. "Most boys are hairy, its very normal" doc laughed. "uhm, I got a hairy asshole", the boy shamefully said. "Oh, and snapping hips, I can write a recommendation to release you." The doctor said. The boy could breath out in relief.. The doctor printed out something, made the boy sign it. "Take this to the gate, show it and wait for your bags to be delivered". The boy shook his hand and walked to the gate. There he met other pussies also waiting, "lucky them" he thought, "Maybe they have hairy assholes as well". 

He waited for his bag and he could finally leave. The boy looked back at the adult playground, smiling at all the grown ass dudes running around like it was important. "So long" the boys menacingly thought. The boy took the bus back to town. He has never felt that free, free to  do whatever (not even 12 years later that feeling has been that strong). No more Military, no more school. He walked around the town in a bliss. Visited a local DVD shop and bought a bunch of DVD's. A imported DVD of Eraserhead was one of them (which he sold 12 years later kind of regretting not keeping it for the memory). He then sat at the station waiting for the train to come, looking at his shiny new DVD's. The train ride back was quite painful, the boy had forgot to take a piss this whole trip, and a cute looking lady was sitting beside him blocking the way. Better not disturb the lady and just be in pain instead. Eight hours later he texted his sister to ask come get him, not even telling his parents of his arrival. A funny prank he thought. The sister drove him home and he ringed the bell. "I'm home", he said. The parents was probably very disappointed learning that they couldn't get that 1 year break away from him, but the boy couldn't care less. The boy can now go back to watch movies and game. And he gamed happily ever after.

[my-chemical-bookshop]

I have a mission!

(involving books, of course. All of you can join into this as well and flourish our home libraries!)

I recommend reading the whole thing, it’s actually pretty interesting and fun but like wtv

I am going to spend the entire day in a bookstore with my best friend tomorrow. (Utopian daydream??) And I have decided to start developing a mission inside said bookstore.

We are going to go there, have some coffee, or tea in my case, I spent a lot of time saving money and now I can say that I’ll be able to spend $50 in books! (IM SO HAPPY, AND DEFINITELY EXPECT A BOOK HAUL POST) So we’ll just talk, look for books, buy books, maybe even read them. Honestly my perfect idea of a best friends hangout, but have 1 (one) friend willing to do it, so after years of thorough planning ITS HAPPENING!

So, on to the actual purpose of the mission, quest, whatever you wanna call it.

The mission is to slowly but clearly and surely begin to build up a list of books I have read in the past, whether it have been as schoolwork (some of those books were actually pretty good), pleasure or as gifts, that I believe were good reads but for some reason are currently not in my possession and I believe should be.

So, tomorrow being when I’ll spend my day in a bookstore, I plan to wander around looking at book titles and start writing my everlong list of long lost books, and then with time, hopefully be able to buy all of the books (or the ones worth it at least) that are part of this list.

I am sure the list will grow with time as I see or remember other books whose titles I didn’t see at this bookstore. It will get bigger and I am completely aware of that, but I think it is worth spending a little time and some money to get back these good reads and amazing memories, I could even try and thrift these other books to save some!

on to the big question..

Why dont I have those books anymore??

There are a million reasons.

Either because I rented them out of the library, borrowed them, lost them, gave them away, threw them away, had them taken away, stolen, ruined, or any other reason I cant come up with right now, I have lost physical possession of these books.

When I was younger I used to not like reading as much as I do now, where I can work my wat through three or even more books in a single day, I did like reading but it wasn’t the book hoarder, “take care of them or I’ll kill you” kind of reading like it is now haha.

I know, dont kill me for this but I must admit I have given away or thrown away good books in my life.

I WAS NINE YEARS OLD WHEN I GAVE AWAY MY ENTIRE HARRY POTTER COLLECTION OKAY!? It is one of the things that haunts me TO THIS DAY as one of my most regretted decisions!! But I will get those books back even if it takes me five years! (It probably will) And I will maintain my updates and progress on this mission through this blog I hope you guys enjoy.

Also if anyone has any tips for jolting my memory and remembering book titles from the past that would be great.

I’ll reblog this with the titles of the books I am able to remember as frequently as I am able to or every time I remember some books worth getting back, each with their situation briefly explained.

So, shall I begin?

✔️The Fault in Our Stars:

I read this book both in english and in spanish, but I sadly only own the version in spanish and want to divide my bookshelf by language, and I also really want to own the entire collection of John Green books for which I am only missing this one and “Will Grayson, Will Grayson”.

✔️The Book Thief:

This one holds a similar situation as the last book. I do own the spanish version but have actually never read it in english and really want to do so. I guess it counts?

✔️The entire “Harry Potter” series:

Yes, the whole thing. (Except for The Cursed Child). I’m ready to be brutally killed by any and all potterheads including myself.

I grew up with the Harry Potter movies and became a huge fan. Everyone at my dad’s office knew me as Hermione instead of my actual name because (up to 12 years old), I would always go out in my Hogwarts uniform and had fluffy brown hair like Emma Watson.(I dyed it pink) I was obsessed, and as soon as I was able to read well enough to process the books, which I must say wasn’t long after turning six, I begged my parents for them, and I got them! But oh silly me, I didn’t value actually keeping my books as much as I do now! So I read them all, and then one day in second or third grade, there was a book trade in my class, and I decided to give away my entire collection of HP books hoping I would maybe get something really good or at least decent in return. You wanna know what I got back? A freaking Winnie the Pooh storybook. I wanted to cry (peobably did) but I couldn’t take my books back. Of course, I, as a child being able to read higschool-level books, thought everyone had the same abilities and tastes, and I was clearly wrong. While all my 8 and 9 year old classmates still read Winnie the Pooh or Disney kid books, I was off reading books over 500 pages, or series like Harry Potter, or The Book Thief. So this was of course a tragic moment I will always regret.

I will reblog updates in this post as soon as I remember more books yay.

Join me!

All you have to do is Re blog this post to join the mission!

I know I’m not the only one who has gone through this and would like to get them back and be able to form our dream room library, so join!

Add in your books and why you dont have them anymore, tell me what happened to your favourite book years ago, I want to know your stories guys!

I will also probably follow any book blogs who reblog this because I need more to follow!

[yn6k]

hi shine! i wanted to know your thoughts about the book of us: gravity album? any personal favorites? least favorites?

sorry this is so late! i wanted to take my time to answer it because i do have a lot of thoughtsTM hahaha more (like a LOT more) under the cut :) 

so on first listen of the album, or honestly even just from the album spoiler haha, my ears instantly focused in on cover and how to love! so i’ll probably have the most to say about those songs + time of our life since ive listened to them the most!!for me: love how its in compound meter! always love me a good 12/8 or 6/8 or whatever it is haha its felt in three basically lskj i dont have a lot to say about this song? i think the focus is more on the lyrics? but musically i cant really identify anything that really sticks out to me alkdj like typical poprock i really dont know what to say maybe theres more interesting things going on underneath that im terrible at picking out (like in the chord progressions) fav part is def the prechorus^^time of our life: its so weird talking about this now bc ive gotten so used to the song that lkj some of what im saying (like the changes i would have done) feels /wrong/ but ahaha still here are some of my thoughts^^ FIRST OF ALL WONPILS PIANO SOLO >>>>> i just really love listening to it and i think an underrated part of his solo is the i think synth drums underneath them and how it creates this driving motion for the song and so like even tho the song starts kind of bare we can go straight into that hype instrumental intro instead of like having only his solo be the intro and going straight into the more mellower verse or smth along those lines? hahaha i think on first listen the first thing that stood out to me was how the chorus sounded like an extension of the verse?  like the chorus wasnt very obvious and im not sure why in terms of like chord progression music theory, but in terms of instrumentation i think one of the reasons is because that driving quarter note drum thing we get in the chorus only resolves in the second half of the chorus instead of sometime in the first half of it. so it almost gives off this sense that we might be building up to something greater but we arent? really like all of this energy from the drums piling up for seemingly no reason and also the effect that it has on really accentuating the opening lines of the chorus dissipates imo the longer that drum rhythm plays out. like the whole “a page of beautiful youth” part that opens the chorus is mostly all quarter notes and i love how we have the quarter notes within the actual drum line to back that up but then two things after that happen: 1) we get i guess a reiteration of the opening melody in the chorus with the “let’s write it together” which i feel like having the drumming driving with those same quarter notes underneath it makes the intro of the chorus feel a bit less special and memorable? and 2) and after that line plays out, the melody becomes a bit more loose in in terms of its rhythm (the ‘i want to fill it with our memories’ part) the melody doesnt have those same impactful quarter notes anymore, but u still have the drum playing it so its kind of? like a why? at that point like i personally feel it takes away from the support it gives to the earlier melody that was obviously more driving quarter notes. i kind of wish that driving forward motion in the drumline was resolved within the third measure of the chorus with like a singular drum hit into the release (like going from here to something like here but with a drum hit in between as a transition or smth? hard to explain lks i actually had a made a video a while back kind of experimenting with the sound but idk how to upload it to here) but!! i am a fan of having those driving quarter notes coming out of the bridge i love the usage of it there and would not change a thing! i think it fits because we are actually building up to that release in the instrumental, it feels a lot different than the chorus which just feels like it drags on for a bit too long. but i would also would have liked if we had a bit of an instrumental pause or something like right after sungjin says ‘dont worry about a thing’ like after that ‘ma’ a brief pause or like even the omission of the downbeat that the drum is giving like /something/ missing before we get back into him singing ‘leave everything to me’ idk i feel like that change would have been interesting and way to build up tension again in a way?? anyways to circle back to my original point about the chorus feeling like an extension of the verse..i lowkey feel like maybe day6 felt that a bit too? laksdj and thats why we got that drum intermission bw the end of the prechorus and the start of the chorus but thats just a theory idk how true it is like honestly to me it felt slightly out of place and kind of a random transition? i dunno i could be wronghere are some misc. things not in too much detail since i think talking about one song has already gotten too long alksdj but sungjins part in the prechorus i think could have been sung a bit /gentler/ than his usual throaty approach for day6 songs idk. love the vocal layering in the chorus! maybe my headphones are terrible and maybe im biased (a bit of both or neither who knows) but laksdj i kinda wish youngks bass part was a tad bit louder he has some cool parts that often get overshadowed by the electric guitars + vocals i think (like here! the sound is so tiny in the studio i wish they had brought it out a bit more because when it is brought out it like here sounds gorgeous…that sound actually might be a bit overpowering actually haha but some happy balance bw those two). also totally random but i love the way jae says ‘한 페이지’ its just satisfying to listen to like he slurs the words a bit? whereas sungjin in his part is more staccato and lkj i think i prefer the legato connection of the words to the staccato one. also thank god they brought back the piano solo for the bridge laksjhow to love: SHE!! was a favorite/look out for since the album spoiler and she did not disappoint. wonpil said it was motown influenced? love that for them;; the chord progressions are funky and fun to listen out for! love how we get a bit of instrumental differences between the first and second reiteration of the first part of the verse?  (the introduction of this electric guitar kind of in ur left ear if ur wearing head phones thats not there initially but then also this part in the electric guitar in the right ear which isnt there also again in the first reiteration just to keep it different and not redundant! i love the prechorus, introduction of strings for chorus stellar (but im strings biased) but its just so fun to follow how its similar and different to the vocal melody also whats a day6 song without some sort of chanting! love how the rhythm in the melody follows the drum part into the chorus all three times that it happens! the bridge is funky love it haha and also just love how at the end they switch up the ‘cause im ready’ and have sungjin jae and wonpil each sing one of those and then have youngk end with the ‘ooooh’ i thought that was adorable. ok keeping it short thats all i’ll saywanna go back: not to be a svt stan but holiday is that you? hahah jkjk its just a similar genre its like holiday meets maroon 5 haha i actually enjoy a lot of the song the chord progressions in the verses are interesting but also the prechorus is really pretty sounding but lakjd i honestly wish the tempo was just a little bit faster in the chorus i feel like its dragging a bit its hard for me personally to stay engaged with the song because of the murky feeling i personally get from the chorus. also the transition into the second verse is kinda ?? idk ahahaha but yeah main thing is just i wish the tempo was even just the tiniest bit faster for the chorus specifically i feel like verses are fine but just the chorus could have afforded to been a bit faster…but maybe this is just a personal experience cover: this is my personal favorite from the album! musically i just love the sound of the chord progressions in the verses? also the chorus! she! the vocal melody how it goes down but then u hear that piano in the background go up *chefs kiss* art! and i love the changes in the instrumental they introduced for the second verse! they added the bass i believe as well as another electric guitar part that isnt that muted plucking thing that we got in the first verse! AND THEN THE BRIDGE!!!!!!! THAT!!! IS!! A!! BRIDGE!!!! its so stunning and incredibly climatic and beautifully executed!!! i believe thats the first time the drums proper actually come in can you believe it (there are percussion sounds before but i think its a tambourine + a shaker/maraca? essentially not the drumset);; the tension that just the introduction of drums really brings to the piece ahhh and also the chord progressions really take u for a ride the first time u hear it and u dont know what to expect;; and then we get out of the chorus with ‘because im weak and not cool’ as a deviance from the earlier lyrics of ‘my weak and not cool side’ then DRUMTRIPLET!!!!! LAST CHORUS!! MORE DRUM TRIPLETS!! so wonderful the pOWER really the whole song is a huge crescendo ?? kind of influenced by the fact that they keep layering instruments which i absolutely LOVE like its beautiful haha but then the last chorus is just the quickest decrescendo ever as a way to fade out from the song but now with all the instruments (love how the last line really like enforces its importance and lyrical difference from the earlier ‘in the end i was seen’ by having that drum just punch it into u with every hit of the bass drum haha) also like how its not a true circular ending (but it kinda is) like there are instrumental and lyrical differences from the start and the end one thing i kind of wished they experimented with was like maybe mixing up some members voices in the chorus? like i tried a youngpil one myself haha where wonpil sings this part, then youngk, wonpil, youngk (again i hve a video for this but idunno how to upload to this ask) but its not like the song to me suffered from having singular member choruses i just thought it might be kinda cool haha anywhos im biased i love this song and laksj didnt even go into the lyrics rip anyways moving onbest part: i think its really cute that they composed this to be specifically be enjoyed in concert! i really like the best paaaaaaaaa aaaart like that swoop they do and the layering of the vocals i also think its super cool how some of the instrumental drop out towards the end of the chorus but alskj another ‘wanna go back’ transition into the second verse are they experimenting with this transition or smth?? but it just feels like inserted bc they couldnt think of a better way to transition into second verse which?? just kind of awkward akjl idk but maybe they have a reason for it i dont know! but yeah haha again musically im not really sure what to say kinda like for me it just feels like standard pop rock which isnt a bad thing just a /thing/ ahaha 

[ohhicas]

Do YOU have any James theories? I'm really hoping they will explain this somehow but... eek

YEAH I GOT SOME THEORIES and I’m in a mood so I’m sorry if anything comes off as needlessly rude

1) Despite homeboy sayin he loved the Neron-arc and age for James stories, he doesn’t actually know what that is for the character. Whether that means he just doesn’t remember the arcs properly and didn’t bother backreading to reconfirm what he thought he knew or did know, or whether that means he does remember but he thinks tricksyboy = edgy = loki = didn’t he shoot that dude in that one movie does nobody remember that this means his character trope would absolutely stab a man or who the hell knows. Neron has been name dropped essentially as a thing that Already Happened. That means the Rogues have apparently died before, and James saved them all if we’re going off the first Neron fight. That means a lot of things in previous/current DC reboot canon is kind of one long drawn out “hhhhh??” sound if this is now canon as a thing that happened. I don’t read any other books– honestly I don’t read any books atm. I dunno if this can work in, or if “I loved this arc!” happypants over here was like GONNA DROP MY FAVORITE OLD CANON 8) CANT STOP ME DC, TEEHEE. 

2) It’s a chance it’s still Neron influenced, thanks to that ‘hey this happened in my story arc’ thing. It’d… make zero sense, like how did Neron get hold of James a second time? We’re to assume Billy doesn’t exist in this universe so his safety net is gone, sure, but that means James would’ve had to have died in between here and there, since reformation was his way of staying alive/staying out of Neron’s clutches. But according to everything we’ve been given up to this point (and again I don’t read the books technically, so I could be missing stuff) he didn’t die, he was assumed dead/MIA thanks to being stuffed in prison and escaping. Do we assume he died… escaping? If Neron got his hands on him? 

3) Commander Cold knew of this situation enough to panic on it, but said nothing to help anyone prepare for it. Just “oop watch out, we gonna have a hell of an unsatisfactory situation!!” I feel like that alone cuts out it being any of his old team unless they pull a fast one and some real shit happened in the 25th century while he was gone and its’ a timefuckery story akin to some bullshit someone on the “hey where can we put Booster besides his own book where we maybe dont’ make him watch Ted die for like 3 issues?? maybe??’ team would pull. I mean, DC has done Some Shit, this isnt’ beyond them. But holy shit they need to quit their jobs and take up Wattpad if that’s the best they can come up with. 

4) This numbering system doesn’t make sense to your original question anymore. 

5) [EDIT] fuck I forgot my idea that they are just following where the money is, who cares what old fans want. CW is popular, so they’ll get CW, even if James is the correct age here

MY THEORY: 

It’s just Bad Writing, Tim. 

Even if they try to turn this around as haha!! just a joke!! he’s just possessed!!!! there are still so many things here played up for shock value and horror, trying to make him hip and trendy for the new market. I wanna know what board meeting they went to where someone went “ok, we’re gonna bring the Trickster back– but comic Trickster.”“Ok so like, the toy one? With the punch glove in his gut and the striped pajamas and the son with the direct link to heaven?”“Yeah, but also lets kinda reference the Rogue War stuff.”“You mean the area where he was on the good side and they stole Digger’s body and he kind of apologized but then didn’t because Digger was a homophobe and he felt absolutely Not Sorry?”“No the part where he–”“Where he just kind of punched a kid and stole his shoes after throwing him in a trash can and absolutely didn’t murder him?”“Yeah that one”“There’s a but in there.”“But he either maims or makes people THINK they’ve been maimed now.” 

The outfit’s cute, sure. The backstory is… close enough to canon I can overlook the parts they changed for the shit of it. I can get over their lack of wanting to diversify more by making him not-Italian again, even though that was an addition crammed in there around the point they’re apparently wanting to reference from the old books. but hhhhhhhhhhh what is this haha who the hell yall writing for?? Because it sure isn’t 50% of your audience 

MY CRACKPOT THEORIES: 

because why the shit not, right? It’s not like anything I make up will be any worse than what DC gives us

1) It’s all an illusion. All of it. James? Illusion. Barry’s legs? Illusion. James is really just one of those puppets he built way back in Silver Age that were made of straw and didn’t move around, but he’s using whatever bullshit magic mind power DC made up for this series to make people think it’s really him. 

2) Evan’s here and he’s pissed off for some reason, pretending to be James hey why the fuck not at this point He took like 2 months of accent training to lose the Scottish. 

3) It is Neron. But not like, ‘It’s neron possessing James’ it’s just straight up Neron. He knows all of his backstory enough to rant exposition in way too many pages and hey, he was kind of green in that one cover art we saw. 

4) It’s Billy. I don’t know how this’ll work but fuck, if you can make James into this why not make Billy into it?? Except it’s a time traveling Billy and he’s super pissed off, and also not chinese-italian anymore. IDK, dad’s dead and he wants revenge. Weirder things have happened. 

5) 3 very bad dogs wearing striped pajamas and cowboy boots

[mini-pretzel]

alright dude yea EVERY NUMBER FOR SWEETHEART ASKS

… what have i signed up for?

//cracks knuckles

grab a juice box, grab a snack.

we’ll be here for a while. what have i gotten myself into

1. Talk about your first love. 

oh jesus. i actually recently found my old journal lol

from way back when. 2009 i think? i was 13 or some shit. jesus. ok. so my first love was actually over the internet.

yeah, i know. nowadays we’re spoiled with tinder n shit, but back in 2009, all we had was myspace and msn and i met this fucker on skype.

i was so ahead of my time.

anyway, it was october 25, 2009.

here’s a snippet from my journal entry:

well i met a guy on skype. he’s a month younger cause my b-day is on oct 14 and his is on nov 18. but i don’t mind it.

yoooo i was into younger guys even at 13, jfc hahhaa //kill me jk hmu

and then on the next page hahahhaa omg

december 2, 2009

well me and ___ are no longer together. well we never began. he broke my heart two times already. going in depression. please don’t bother. first love, ha!

omfg damn, two months. yeah, that lasted long. also old me: ur so dramatic lol

also i was a feisty lil fella, jeez.

2. What’s the most beautiful songs you’ve ever heard in your opinion? 

this one

3. How’s your heart feeling right now?

a lil stressed. im like, hoping i can get through all of these questions without my computer crashing. pray 4 me.

4. What kind of self care is your favorite to do? 

ok, first thing to note, i fucking love self care. like, too much if im honest.

baths with bubbles and nice smelling scents, lotions, a face mask, taking my time with washing my face and hair and putting on the cutest clothes after. also snacks, always snacks.

when im feeling like spending money: massage. full body. best thing ever. i treat myself to it at least once a year for my b-day.

5. What’s your skincare routine? 

ok so i just got a new skincare line. it’s from nature republic. i have a cleanser, a toner and a moisturizer. it’s fairly simple (unlike 9 steps in korean ahhahha, but like i’ll probably get there in time) also i have a peel mask that smells like bananas that i put on twice a week to get rid of dead skin cells. oh and sometimes i do korean face masks, too.

6. How did you get to be so beautiful?

answered that q here

7. Do you have any stuffed animals?

NO! //hides them all away

8. Best trip you’ve ever been on?

thailand. my parents took me w/ them on their honeymoon.

lol idek why either. trust me.

i was just there for the swimming, riding elephants, getting food poisoning and downing two banana splits in one afternoon. good times.

9. Favorite thing about your room? 

i live in a jungle. but also in an art gallery cause my mom buys paintings online and resells them, but it’s become such a habit for her they are literally EVERYWHEREE I CANNOT.

also sorry mom i keep forgetting to water the GAZILLION plants THAT YOU HAVE MOVED INTO MY ROOM FOR SOME REASON. they’ll be dead by the time ur home. srry ilyyyyy.

also tae hmu if u want some paintings. i got way too many.

10. Opinion on love? 

dude. idk. i mean. it’s definitely not something one can describe easily or fully grasp.

im still waiting for my big love to come along, so like, we can talk about that when we get there.

otherwise, i’ll say this quote that i heard in a song:

give your heart, but keep your head.

11. Are you affectionate? 

with certain people. im weird.

with some people im like no, don’t touch me pls. i bite and scratch.

and with others you cannot get them out of my death love grip.

12. Who do you look up to? 

i look up to bts a lot. they’re doing a lot of good and they’re very respectable artists.

but i also look up to a lot of writers on here because i want to create worlds and writings like them. i won’t tag them cause rip them trying to find why i tagged them in this long ass post haha.

13. Favorite poet? 

@psycho-slytherin

lol sorry bae

ur gonna have to scroll to find out why i tagged u. and then go red and yell at me. hahah.

i also like silentium! by Fyodor Tyutchev

also everything by pushkin (esp ‘i loved you’ fuck that one gets me every time). seriously. that man isn’t called the golden poet in our country for nothing.

i actually don’t read a lot of poetry nowadays unless its my own or my friends’

but im open to recommendations

14. Song that makes you happy? How about one that calms you down when you’re in a bad place?

answered here!

15. Do you play an instrument?

lol no. i was almost taught the piano (lol rip me, i wanna kill my younger lazy ass self) and i dabbled into learning the violin. but that’s like a whole story and a half hahahaha.

16. Do you do art? Using what (pencil, watercolor, etc)?

i used to pencil draw, nothing special tho. a lot of naked ppl lol. butts n boobs were my fave. also pecks whoo.

17. Do you dance? What style of dance? 

i don’t! but i want to. i’ve been looking into dancing schools. i might do hip hop n stuff. see if i have the rhythm, i can’t tell from just jumping around my room lol

18. What’s your zodiac sign? Do you believe in astrology? 

im a libra yo. diplomatic and indecisive af.

i kinda do? there’s some sense there, but it’s too vague. i think ppl need to look into their charts to really grasp their character.

and for some it may not be true at all, so like. idk. we’re all just doing our best here.

19. Favorite old film? 

a russian film that i always watch over the new year. my mom would always joke that the new year doesn’t start till we watch it lol

the irony of fate

20. What’s your hairstyle? 

idk

u

tell

me

21. What weather is the most beautiful, in your opinion?

cloudy but warm. so there’s not too much sun but u can enjoy a nice walk outside without getting rained on.

22. What upsets you most about the world? 

i only have two hands but there are so many cats and dogs. i cannot pet all of them.

23. Are you in love right now?

answered ;)

24. Do you have a crush? If so, talk about them!

here u go

25. Do you have pets? Talk about something sweet about them! 

i don’t! but i wish i did i would shower them with my love.

but @the-trth-untold dogs are the cutest and @psycho-slytherin cats make my day. pls spam meeeee. also i love @paristae cat too.

26. Do you have a lucky number? 

yup. 22.

27. Have you ever wished on a star? What about on a fallen eyelash? 

i’ve never seen a fallen star, so no.

but i’ve wished on a fallen eyelash, always.

28. Do you believe emoji spells to work? 

emoji spells??

bruh i’ve never even heard of it till this ask wtf is that shit

bruh i mean if it works for ppl all power to them??? idk i never tried it

29. Do you believe in magic in general? 

i believe in magic tricks. but magic died for me when santa stopped existing.

30. What’s the most beautiful thing in life, In your opinion?

here

31. Opinion on the color pink? What about baby blue? 

gorgeous colors. i quite like mauve pink and deep dark blue tho.

but baby blue looks amazing on some folks. oof.

32. What instrumental sound is your favorite? 

piano. always.

33. Do you like the sound of wind? What about the sound of rain? 

answered :)

34. Who makes you happy? 

bts and all of my mutuals

35. What makes you happy? 

sleep, food, music, writing, cuddles. and forehead kisses.

also more listed here

36. Imagine your ideal life, the life you wish to make, what will that look like? 

i live in a nice apartment. doesn’t have to be expensive, just nice and clean with wooden floors and spacious windows.

i have all the necessities that i need and im never lonely.

i have also touched countless hearts by my books and am able to live comfortably just from my works.

haha. you said ideal, right?

also have someone to spend it with. someone i’d write poetry about daily. a bestfriend first and foremost before a lover.

37. Do you wear makeup? If so what’s your favorite type of makeup or specific makeup product? Favorite store to buy makeup?

answered this fella here

38. Do you wear dresses? If so what’s your favorite dress you own? 

i used to have dresses. but not anymore.

i liked the long sleeve sweater black one i had with a low cut. it was gorgeous. i dont have much of boobage but i always felt like i was sexy in it.

39. Ever been heartbroken? How do you deal with it? 

yep. you just kind of take it one day at a time. some days will be better than the last. some days you’ll cry a little harder and some days you move on a little further. it takes time. make sure you have good people around you so you don’t fall into depression.

40. Who’s your closest friend? What do you love about them? 

ah, to be honest i don’t have a closest friend. i’ve always been the kind of person that always had friends around her but never anyone too deep. and i kinda wish i did. i just don’t know who would come to fill that spot. people always leave, so i kind of gave up assigning that spot. i think the people that want to be in that spot will show themselves and tell me. otherwise i will not assume or assign.

41. Introvert or extrovert? 

introvert. but i have my moments. i can be charming and friendly when i want to.

42. Do you like MBTI? What’s your MBTI? 

i had to look it up cause i forgot what it was lol

i took the test a while back: im infp.

there’s not a lot of us, apparently. which is cool. shout out to all infps out there!

43. Would you be a fairy, a mermaid, a vampire, a siren, or an angel? 

hmmm. what kind of fairy tho? lol

maybe vampire? idk i’d be a sexy immortal lady that’d bite innocent boys and girls that just want to have a good time lol

44. What’s the best song a friend has ever introduced to you? 

this oneee

45. Parlez-vous français? 

no~

46. Most beautiful place you’ve been to? 

butchart gardens

47. Where/when do you truly feel at home? 

here

48. Does smiling put you in a better mood? Try it right now, you’re smile is gorgeous! 

kdjfalkfjdlkdsaf //hides

this ask is flirting with me…

well that’s as much action as im going to get this new years eve lol

49. Favorite shoe you own?

my sweet rose gold kicks, yo.

50. Can you walk in stilettos? Do you like them? 

lol no. i cannot. and i do not. im not made for heels. im tall enough as it is.

51. Do you feel loved? 

every time i talk to my mutuals yes //cry

52. How do you express love to those you care about? 

by saying cute words and by clinging to them like a koala.

53. Favorite term(s) of endearment? 

sweetheart, dear, idk im just like anything honestly. love, baby. go crazy.

i also love mean terms like idiot and stuff. or nicknames that hold inside jokes, something between the two of you only.

54. Most romantic thing someone’s ever done for you? 

hasn’t happened yet. so yeah. any takers? lol

55. When is the happiest you’ve ever been? 

reading a good book for the first time. or just experiencing something new that i end up loving for the first time. nothing can replace that first feeling.

56. Are you happy right now? 

happy im almost done hahhahahahaa. ha.

no but srsly i am

57. What makes you smile? 

stupid jokes. puns. someone laughing and showing themselves fully.

58. Do you laugh a lot? 

i mean. i think so? i try. i make jokes a lot and laugh at myself if that counts?

59. What’s your favorite kind of aesthetic? 

ughhhh comfy bf aestheticcc

60. Do you want to marry for love or for some other reason (like money)? 

i have a sour view on marriage. so only if i love someone hard enough. but even then i don’t know if i’ll do it. it hurts too much to think about marriage and wedding rings for me.

61. What would your dream wedding look like? Do you want to get married? 

see above.

62. Favorite flower?

orchid.

63. Favorite artist?

claude monet.

64. Favorite music artist?

bts lol

no surprises there.

65. How kind do you think you are? Is kindness important to you? 

its not something for me to decide. i try to be kind to everyone, but how it is interpreted is different for everyone. i’d like to think i’m kind.

and yes, very important. especially being kind to yourself.

66. Ever made a playlist for someone? 

yes i have. i love making playlists for people. i don’t get asked that enough.

67. Do you have anything you do to physically comfort you when your sad? Such as a favorite blanket? Or a relaxing bath? 

music. music always helps. and tea.

ideally i’d love for someone to massage my scalp, but hahah no one’s been able to do it the right way. when it’s done right i melt and forget about everything.

68. Early bird or night owl? 

night owl.

moonchild, lol

69. Morning routine? 

wake up, look in the mirror, look away from the mirror, go back to bed.

70. Night routine? 

SHOWER N NICE SMELLING LOTIONS. AND SKINCAREEEEEE OOOOF.

also fresh sheets.

71. What is the most lovely quality a person could have in your opinion? 

answered here

72. Do you cry often? Does crying help you get the emotions out? Do you feel better after? 

i only cry when i watch or read something. and it does help. i always feel better after. but i tend to keep my emotions hidden away, the negative ones at least.

73. Do you like hugs? 

i love hugs. come hug me, bro.

u must smell nice tho.

74. When was the last time you kissed someone?

august.

75. Are you small or tall? 

tall. 175cm.

76. Do you like wholesome memes? 

answered

77. Favorite thing about the past? 

cd players. chia pet commercials. flip phones. mom jeans.

78. Do you ever wonder about the future? 

all the time. esp mine. i have no idea what the fuck im doing.

79. Have you ever lived in a different country than you currently live in? 

yep. i’ve lived in america and canada before. and traveled a lot.

80. Do you like plane flights? Airports? 

i don’t mind flying. and depends on the airport. some are better than others.

81. Sunrises or sunsets? 

sunrises. every day is a new day~

82. The beach or a forest? 

bitch- i mean beach. :)

83. What time of day do you tend to be in the best mood? 

any time i am eating. or sleeping. or reading.

im so close to being done omg. this is fun tho.

84. Do you push yourself to act together and in a good mood even when you aren’t? 

always. ain’t nobody gonna deal with that baggage lol

85. Favorite kind of tree? 

japanese maple tree

86. Do you care about the health of the Earth? 

i mean i don’t even care about my health that much tbh, i need to work on that.

87. What did you like most about your childhood, if anything? 

that i got to travel and learned english very young.

88. Do you read a lot? What’s your favorite book? 

answered here

89. What are you most nostalgic for at the moment? 

old school disney

90. What’s your favorite personality trait you have? 

answered this bad boi here

91. List at least ONE thing you love about your appearance. 

eyes. have to work on my ass tho. squats baby.

92. When was the last time you truly felt calm, without much of anything to worry about? 

after a massage.

93. Do you worry a lot? 

eh, i worry enough, i suppose. there’s just some stuff you can’t control.

94. The dazzling lights of the city or the relaxing countryside?

dazzling lights of the city. especially in the evening. and in the winter. ahhhhh. someone hold my hand and walk with meeeeee.

95. Ever changed the shoelaces on one of your shoes? For what reason? 

no i haven’t had that pleasure, lol

maybe next year

96. Favorite pastry? 

BUTTER. CROISSANT.

97. Do you like doing little acts of kindness? 

yes. uwu

98. How’s your day/night going? 

well im finally done with this ask holy shit, and i need to resume writing my namjoon fic so… fantastic. i also have noodles. whoooo.

thank you for reading this whole damn mess of an ask.

ily

[notailtheories]

NotailsAndMore Tweet Compilation 2

Last Compilation | Next Compilation

This section will contain the tweets that I consider make up Act 2. Because they are not actually from O-1, you could also consider them an intermission... But they still hold important information either way. OwO

This batch of tweets began a little over an hour after the last round stopped... Which isn’t a very long pause. You can most easily tell the difference because this person’s face is “TvT” rather than “=)”, if you’re looking to track these from the Twitter itself... OwO

98 |

I passed out and I wake up to me being logged into this creepy ass notail fact account. Fuck off who did this? TvT

Reply to 8, & 99 |

hate to be a stickler for details but you didn't say a fact just a question tho i *would* like to know some notail facts about my dark past :D

Holy fuck. Look if you know me O-2 sir I just want you to know I did not make this account or tweeped at you, I just woke up to this. Who tweeps shit like this at an O-class? TvT

100, reply, & 102, reply, 108, reply, & 112 |

X-7364 if this was you and some of your shitty experiments I WILL strangle all of your dirty rats. These O classes could order my death for no reason. You even used my actual email to do this. They could figure out who I am! TvT

Your buddy even said "fuck you" to me. Now that guy's got some real claws. >:3 

I am so sorry O-6 sir. I had nothing to do with this but I will still apologize. Please forgive me, I'm ok if you don't forgive my friend and kill him though. TvT

Grovelling ain't pretty, you know. But hey, you ain't done anything, right? Maybe I'll let you go. >:3

You would be most kind if you let me go for words that were not my own. Thank you. TvT

I'll think about it. >:3

Thank you. That is all I ask, and all I am allowed to ask. TvT

Reply to 98, 101, reply, 109, reply, 113, reply, 114, reply, & 115, reply, 118, reply, 119, reply, 120, reply, 122, reply, 124, reply, 125, reply, & 126 |

lol u rly had me worried there sweetie :3 im still curious abt this whole thing if u want 2 help me find out abt it :3

I didn't write any of this! This has to be an X class prank. "Ha Ha, make your friend pass out, make an account with their email and possibly kill them by telling O-6 that you love them. So funny!" TvT

lmao u creeped out like every single o class tho i think thats kinda an achievement u should be proud of urself :3 whoever made this account was saying some really spooky stuff tho do u think it was just creepypasta or what :3

Please don't say I did it. I had nothing to do with this. I wouldn't contact the O classes, much less say such things to them, for they are most favorable to my survival. It was just some shitty prank. Some of the reactions are, strange, but that is no matter to me. TvT

watching u suck up 2 them is rly funny lol but kk babe i guess ill drop it :3 smh i thought this was something cool :3

I rather not relate "something cool" with angering the O classes but I understand. TvT

suckuuuuuuuup :3

I rather live a suck up than die for something I didn't do. TvT

how abt i give u smth else 2 suck on hot stuff :3

Look I don't even have a tweeper and I'm about to abandon this account and never touch it again. So my response to that is "um bye." TvT

i hate 2 see u leave but i love 2 watch u go :3

That's extremely holy and not ok. TvT

i hope ur not as disappointing in bed as ur friends failed arg was on tweeper :3

How could a notail raise so high to grace? TvT

u sure raise some things of mine baby :3

I would block you but I'm not going to be related to this account anymore, and if my friend logs back in I'm ok with him getting fucked over by your words. TvT

id prefer 4 u 2 to get fucked by me :3

Courtship between notails is not ok, but I suppose you know that. Just understand that "no." TvT

lol our society sux anyway i dont think its possible to pollute our gene pool more than its already fucked up babe :3

Ok well society gives me a roof over my head, food, and the time I got bit by a mallon I was experimenting on society fixed my arm before it rotted away. So we'll have to agree to disagree. TvT

lmao :3 the more u talk the more stupid and boring u seem :3

Says the notail who keeps going after clearly making me uncomfortable. But "sigh" I guess that's most people. TvT

ppl are funniest when theyre uncomfortable :3

Typical notail. You fit in just nicely. TvT

Original, 103, reply, & 105 |

@NotailsAndMore is it time for my 13 other facts?

Look it up yourself? Go read the Cosmosdex or something. I may be a K class but I'm not some fact machine. TvT

The what

Can you not look up basic and common terms? Geez look. http://cosmosdex.com/cosmosdex/ TvT

104, reply, & 107 |

X-7364 just walked in with coffee and called me a sleepy head. Said I passed out after intensely working on typing. Said I wouldn't respond to me when he had a question. He's lying, he knows he went overboard this time. TvT

You may want to improve your security. This could have ended very badly for you. :V

I will do what you recommended O-7 sir as you are most wise as all O classes are. I do have good security, I must have passed out so fast my computer didn't lock so my roommate and coworker decided to fuck with me. TvT

106, reply, 111, reply, & 117 |

I just checked the profile page to see if I could find some evidence of who did this. "i'm not sorry i told the truth when you didn't. no one deserves lies." The hell. If this is over lying about who ate the last pizza I'm going to be pissed. TvT

This went better for you than it could have mate, but I would recommend keeping closer guard over your belongings. Some of the other O-classes seem a bit agitated right now. uvu

Fully understood O-5, who kicks clockworks across the skies. I'll attempt to not pass out at my computer with my roommate around. TvT

The epithets aren't necessary mate. But maybe give your roommate a kick so they don't pull this again for good measure. uvu

I will make sure to give him a kick no matter how much he says he had nothing to do with this. Thank you for the advice O class. TvT

Original, & 110 |

@NotailsAndMore Once you figure out who did this, send me their ID number. Immediately. unu

I....think it's my roommate X-7364, but he's swearing the whole time this was going on I was working and refused to respond. I don't believe him but he sounds so serious about this. TvT

Reply to other party, & 116 |

Is there any way I can convince it to become a solid Yes? c:<

(Note: I won’t record this whole exchange because I don’t think it’s relevant... The context is O-8 is looking for who made this account. That’s all. OwO)

I know this is rude of me, and feel free to confirm this, but will you spare my roommate? He seems so honest in his pleads that he didn't do it.... He's the only one who could have done it, so it's him, but it seems like he regrets it deeply now. TvT

Original, 121, reply, 123, reply, & 127 |

I really am impressed by how many people they managed to unsettle in, what, an hour? uvu

Honestly as an X class he is naturally unsettling but I've never seen him act this badly. I wonder if I really ticked him off with the pizza thing. TvT

I've dealt with much worse than some X class...if it was just that then whatever...what does your friend know....OwO

I wish he would just admit it already. He said a few really odd things on this account and I have no idea where he's getting it from. Just. Fucking admit it X! Why is he being so rude to O classes you guys could KILL or BANISH us. TvT

It feels like something stranger is going on...OwO

It's just a stupid prank. A stupid prank that's now getting us basically evicted cause we can't stay here anymore. Stupid, stupid, prank. TvT

128, & 129 |

Ok this account is done. My roommate likely made this account as a laugh and somehow got the attention of the O classes. I'm sorry this happened even though I had nothing to do with it. I wish I could say my friend was sorry too but he's pissed off. TvT

Logging out, and never logging back in again. Yet again. Sorry for all the problems this account caused. Just unfollow this account. Bye. TvT

[ THIS ACCOUNT IS DEAD | Shitty prank by shitty roommate/friend who refuses to admit it | Will never be logging in ever again ]

Last Compilation | Next Compilation

[heartsoftruth]

1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!! 

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess. 

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing. 

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG. 

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks! 

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever. 

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha. 

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots… 

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace. 

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too. 

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me. 

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals. 

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something. 

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love. 

[book-disorder]

Reading Meme

Thanks so much @obscure-affection for tagging me. I’m in a real reading slump at the moment, but Im trying to work my way out of, and focused thinking about books can’t hurt.

1. Which book has been on your shelves the longest?

Periodically I do clean outs of books I don’t want to reread anymore, so I don’t think I have many super old ones. Probably my copy of The Hobbit would be the oldest. I got it in high school, and I’m always thinking about rereading it.

2. What is your current read, your last read and the book you’ll read next?

I’m currently reading a couple of books; The Days of Abandonment by Elena Ferrante, When the Sick Rule the World by Dodie Bellamy, and I just started The Broken Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin.

I last read, well reread Dept of Speculation by Jenny Offill

I’m going to start next The Guardians by Sarah Manguso

3. Which book does everyone like and you hated?

I have a whole thing about Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. I slogged through the whole thing because of how people raved about it, one friend in particular, and it just was so self serving and bullshit. It wasnt a good novel, it wasnt a good philosophy, it just was a terrible book.

4. Which book do you keep telling yourself you’ll read, but you probably won’t?

I have it in my head that I “should” read all the victorian era womens classics, in like solidarity for women writers, all the George Elliots, and Jane Austens, and Bronte sisters, and Elizabeth Gaskells. But I just, I mean I’ve read a couple of them, and some of the short stories. Theyre okay. I liked the ghost nun in Villette, but you have to slog through so much other stuff to get to the good stuff in them. And I just don’t know that I will ever actually read them all.

5. Which book are you saving for “retirement?”

none. Thats a weird concept for me. Saving until I have.. time? Until I’m so bored I will read anything? I don’t save books, I just read them when they catch me and I have access to them.

6. Last page: read it first or wait till the end?

I only ever think to look ahead if the book is getting slow or I’m thinking of putting it down. I don’t mind the idea of spoilers or whatever though. I feel like, if the getting there isn’t interesting enough in its own right, then the outcome isn’t worth anything anyway.

7. Acknowledgements: waste of ink and paper or interesting aside?

They can be interesting, sometimes you recognise names of other authors and don’t realise they know each other, sometimes they can reveal more about the way a book came about, difficulties or whatever. I think authors don’t think its a waste of ink.

8. Which book character would you switch places with?

None. I don’t want to live a life that would make a good book, it sounds very stressful.

9. Do you have a book that reminds you of something specific in your life (a person, a place, a time)?

I remember vividly reading a small paperback copy of Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger while sitting on some steps at uni waiting for a lecture theatre to open up, and trying so hard to concentrate on the book instead of my (at the time) crippling fear of being trapped in a room full of people for hours. It was a poor choice of books, I don’t think I stayed in the lecture very long that day.

10. Name a book you acquired in some interesting way.

I stole a copy of The Book Thief by Marcus Zuzak when I was a teenager, no one tell the cops

11. Have you ever given away a book for a special reason to a special person?

Not really. I lend books, and buy them as gifts. But I don’t tend to give away my own copies.

12. Which book has been with you to the most places?

The most different places, The Book of Disquiet by Fernando Pessoa - I carried that around Europe, despite barely reading it.

13. Any “required reading” you hated in high school that wasn’t so bad ten years later?

I liked most of the books we had to read in school. Except Seamus Heaneys poetry and a book about a teenager sailing around the world. I havent revisited either. I think I might come around on Heaney but the sailing book was very poorly written.

14. What is the strangest item you’ve ever found in a book?

mostly receipts or little notes, nothing interesting

15. Used or brand new?

Used for price reasons. Although I really dont mind. As long as a books pages havent gone yellow, I’m pretty happy.

16. Stephen King: Literary genius or opiate of the masses?

I’ve only read one book by him. It was okay. His horror writing isnt my jam.

17. Have you ever seen a movie you liked better than the book?

I definitely have. But I’m totally blanking on what it is now. Oh Practical Magic. I read the book after seeing the movie a dozen times, and was like.. this is a totally different thing. Its hard when you see the movie first though, and love it. I think there have been others though.

18. Conversely, which book should NEVER have been introduced to celluloid?

I can’t think of anything specific. But I think often stories which feature a lot of internal dialogue and not much interaction are translated poorly into movies. Voice-overs and monologues can be overused.

19. Have you ever read a book that’s made you hungry, cookbooks being excluded from this question?

no, not that I can recall. Food descriptions don’t really do much for me. Sometimes a description of a landscape can make me want to be outside noticing nature though? If thats a similar compulsion?

20. Who is the person whose book advice you’ll always take?

I wish I talked to more people about books these days. I still want to join a book club. I think I take most peoples book advice, especially if I know we have book loves in common. But I also know that even the most similar tastes diverge a lot.

This was a lot of fun. Thanks @obscure-affection , I appreciate that you thought of me for this :)

I’m not gonna tag anyone because its huge, but if you want to do it please tag me so I can read it!

[sunnybimbo]

get to know the author

got tagged by mfin @grassepi like 10 days ago to do this!!!!!! /dab/

long ass post under the cut

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

i explain this so often man its a trip. ‘jam’ came from simlish in the sims 3 because of that one voice line that’s like ‘jambabedo?’. i had changed my name to that on skype but when i was VCing with @namerine she could only see ‘jam’ and it kinda just stuck. speaking of: the ‘dingus’ part also came from her so literally this name is all because of her and i love her *fingerguns*

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

by FAR my most popular fic is my collection of sickfics: In Sickness and Health

the only thing that it got beat in was comments from Close to the Heart, but that’s mostly just because it had so many mfin chapters

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

b a b y y o s h i

i literally cant remember how i found this picture or why i chose it as my icon but its my Brand now. yoshi jamthedingus is me

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

i literally have so many. there’s @space-peachx, @bears-again, @narwhalsarefalling, @ravenssama, and @miishiiwrites (for some reason it wasnt letting me tag ur main asldhasd) plus a SHIT ton of anon commentors who i love just as dearly!!! i have a lot more but these are the most common commenters and i love them sm i could literally die.

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

there are like three fics like that and ofc im gonna list them all

hands down the fic i’ve reread the MOST in the shortest period of time is Sunset in Reverse by @demenior (who i cannot tag for some reason but i hope they know that i love their fic dearly)

there’s this i n c r e d i b l e sickfic by @bosstoaster that i just adore called Drown Out Your Mind that just breaks my heart all types of ways

and there’s this OTHER fic that also fucks me up called strength of the small by @nowweareunstoppable in which pidge is bad ass and also gets fucked up and i literally rec it to all my friends i love it so much

(also a special shoutout to been @velkynkarma‘s Whisper in the Dark. whenever i have the need for a good creepin’ out i LOVE to revisit this one because like... just the description of the Final Boss (tm) alone is enough to give me the willies)

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

oof

i have 449 bookmarks from like atleast 10 different fandoms, and about 411 fics i’m subscribed to, give or take a couple because Math. most of them are completed though, but i don’t go through and take them off because i’m a lazy hoe 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

well i just looked up my ao3 and it says i have the most in ‘Alternate Universe - Video Game World’ asjdhsaldhsja aka my mmo au. but technically i think the au i write the most is Modern bc i’m but a simple farmer with a limited mindscape

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

i have 22 user subscriptions vs 199 work subscriptions + 383 bookmarks in total. nice nice nice

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

probably something with a more serious tone (compared to the fluffy wuffy fics i write) like, for example, fatphobia, suicide, and literally just conflict in general. i always feel like im trivializing all of it no matter how hard i try so i just... Give Up because i dont want the backlash ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

i really want to get better at writing conflicts, as stated above lajhdlsadhls. but also i want to be better at planning out stories because i usually give up near the 3/4ths point of literally every multi-chaptered thing i’ve written

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

definitely rarepairs. voltron is like the biggest fandom i’ve ever been in and my biggest ships are all hunk ships, and all of those are rarepairs OTL

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

35!

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

ignoring the fics i’ve completed and posted on ao3, i have about 52. including the above equals 87!!! m a t h

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

i try to write them down but if i write down the thingy i really want to focus on in the fic then i won’t want to write it anymore because it’s out of my head. OTL its a complicated process.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

literally never in my life. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

definitely tumblr. i was in the dragon age fandom and there was this fic called The Little Kadan which had fem!inquisitor/iron bull + a baby so like i was all over that asap. i’m too shy to tag the author but u can find them on tumblr at sickly-writes ,,,,,,

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

nah not at all. i’m pretty Niche

(i.e. if you love shunk and/or heith + cuddling, i’m your gal. but anything else is pretty rare OTL)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

not in the SLIGHTEST. i call them all babes in my head bc i love them tho

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

i don’t know this @fenri personally but i love their writing so much. i admire their style a WHOLE TON and i think i may have sort of modeled my own after theirs? 

like i’m just thinking about it now but it’s definitely after i reread their fic (*ahem ahem* Like Crystal Guts) for about the fifth time that i started my whole ‘prose-y’ writing, which is very very recent aldjhsal

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

be confident in ur writing! if someone says they don’t like it, your work just isnt for them. just because one single person doesn’t like it doesn’t mean its bad!

r e r e a d what you wrote! i use fromtexttospeech.com to catch like... sentence structure/grammatical errors when my eyes are too tired and i find it helps a lot!

if you find a story you like, try figuring out w h y you like it so much. characterization? the way they describe things? because they use sentence structure you haven’t seen before? and then use that new knowledge to try to make your own writing style your favorite *fingerguns* 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

i only started plotting fics since last november, which was when i participated in my first nanowrimo. i don’t plot for every single story, but if i’m lost or i want to expand a little, i slap down a bunch of ideas in an empty google doc and go from there! 

generally by then i’ve already written atleast a little bit, though.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

i can’t even remember what it says exactly now since i deleted the fic after, but someone said my characterization was bad in a super old inuyasha fic. little like... 12 year old me was so sad ;w; 

i don’t think i’ve ever gotten a bad comment after that, though? which is NICE

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

DEFINITELY any action scene. i can’t make them long or drawn out or else i’ll just be struggling and sweating and generally craving death. i think i just need practice but o o o o f

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

i have a few hot n spicy prompts i need to finish that i probably won’t get to until next year salhdjsa

plus a few christmas presents! 

and also my pirate au, Wander, which only has maybe 2 chapters left before its complete!

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

*sweats loudly*

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

not in the slightest. generally, if i’m in a writing sprint or something, i’ll try to get over a 1000 for whatever it is, but that’s for the total and not for the session. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

definitely! even though i’m still shy, im a lot more open to constructive criticism (if it doesn’t come after my soul ;w;). I’m also getting better at being more descriptive, which is something i’ve always wanted! 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

i have two. don’t make me choose

the first is technically cheating because it’s part of a series, and the series is my favorite BUT I DIGRESS. The Witch and the Mage (which is... one of my less imaginative names) is an MMO AU in which shiro and hunk are in love and also i have a vague plot outlined somewhere in my drive that’s pretty wild if i do say so myself. i may never write it but its there and its my favorite and i love the imagery i used in it.

the SECOND is a heith cuddle fic, because that’s basically my brand as a writer. it’s called home and i wrote it when i was very tired and couldn’t get to sleep. i may have been craving human contact? who knows in this economy. even though i see a number of things i wish i could fix about it, it’s just very self-indulgent in more than one way and its very dear to my heart. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

most of the fics i wrote earlier on are pretty bad imo, but i think the ones i hate the most are part of my You Are Beautiful series. it’s grossly out of character (mostly in keith’s case) but it was the first thing i’d written in about four years and i was so proud of it. so it has to stay up for posterity, tbh.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

i really hope to still be writing by then. maybe with my own personal book in its planning stages atleast???  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) gotta be optimistic!!

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

dialogue? also describing rooms. i love just... randomly popping out something that describes the placement of a couch in relation to a door. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

i always always always get distracted when i’m trying to write. if i’m in the zone, someone in my family is definitely gonna try to get my attention. it’s sort of become habit for me to just interrupt myself first so that i won’t lose whatever train of thought i had LMAO

33. Why do you write?

i like the way my words sound when i string them together in the right (write... *badum ts*) way. it makes me Feel Good (tm). 

also i love giving characters (that mean something to me) attention, because it’s like i’m giving MYSELF attention. a two-for-one!

Tagging:

@sleepyhunk, @narwhalsarefalling, @space-peachx, @sammythemattressthief, @bears-again, @kurosakiami01, @maternalcube, @ace-pidge, @darlingmuses

+  if anyone i tagged earlier would like to, i would literally be honored if you would do this! but no pressure, ever <3

[survivor-mesopotamia]

Ep. #2 - “Shit ain’t over till the fat lady sings and I didn’t warm my pipes.” (Cameron)

Day 4: Well. I survived my first tribal council of the season, and even though it went exactly according to plan, while I slept my entire day away, I'm still really hesitant to tell myself that I'm doing well on my tribe. I'm really nervous that my tribe mates are playing me, and that I'm really boo boo tha fool here. I called Megan post-tribal, and I was finally able to get some closure on something that happened between us in our personal lives, which felt really good. After that, she asked me about the idol, to which I had responded "Wait, Julian didn't tell you?", which hopefully sows some seeds of doubt in Megan about Julian. Ideally, if the Enlil tribe has to go back to tribal council, the four of us can bear witness to a Megan vs. Julian war. Because unfortunately, the connections I have outside Enlil, are shared with either Julian or Megan. If Megan and Julian are going after each other pre-merge, or during a swap scenario, I don't have to share those connections anymore. After that, Megan and I just talked about the nudes we received during quarantine ~ I then promptly ran to Will to tell him about the potential crack I just formed between Julian and Megan, which was met with genuine excitement. I think I'm really gaining Will's trust, and I think we vibe so well together. Love that guy! Overall, it wasn't a very productive day because I woke up at 4:30p PST. Love that for me, thanks for shading me @ Tribal Bodhi.

going into this scavenger hunt as the tribe that went to tribal last is worrysome. It's a challenge that's fully dependent on our activity, so we are at a serious disadvantage against the other two tribes that get to choose someone less active to sit out. We don't have that luxury. The point/life system eases the blow, however, since we can get less active players 1 life while more active players can get 3. In case we lose, I'm trying to connect with everyone on the tribe. I really don't want to vote anyone out though. I have an alliance with Julian and JJ, and one with Will on the side. Chrissa wants to work with Julian, JJ and myself, and I think Megan and JJ have something on the side. I'm nervous for who would be the target in the vote, and any vote would hurt all of our games collectively. Hopefully we win because the next vote will not be easy AT ALL.

Done w typing this sheet

jj and zachary are so fucking annoying to this challenge and if i vote for you first at the swap, its probably because youre typing too much during this challenge sorry not sorry xoxo - sincerely johnny a month from now

let me be clear with andrew I was not calling his hosting unfair i was calling the fact that a majority green item giving him a point unfair not the hosting but lack of yellow, also i have a headache i don't feel that good. and I just don't think zach should have had a point for it nothing against hosting obviously i watch a movie trivia thing where literally they have a challenge to challenge any questions that are unfair, that doesn't mean they are calling the question writers or the answer writers unfair. 

Zach just won the tribal challenge for us which is fantastic. We can maintain the illusion of a unified tribe longer, which keeps us together in a swap situation, and Zach has clearly painted a challenge target on himself over the last two challenges which will make him go before me if our Triforce ever becomes the minority. I'm really happy with my position in the game right now

me and monty trying to find the idol and decode this annoying ass video https://imgur.com/a/lu7sbMu

Forgive me father for I have sinned it's been approximately three days since my last confession so far can't complain really we be winning they hating we be riding pretty damn clean I've got a majoritu alliance I didn't start so odds of it falling around me and being the first voted out slim to none thank the sweet baby jesis and all that good shit. Oh well that's all for now

JULIAN’S HOST CHAT GUEST, ZEE:

I am filling in a confessional because you told me to. I am in front of my fan because it's hot. I'm thinking that it seems pretty stupid to ask me for a confessional. Julian's prod chat isn't very interesting because he's distracted.

also just threw out madison's name to johnny. if this shit backfires on me ill be ):

https://youtu.be/Pqck1gayfJU

https://youtu.be/FMay7NycsPw

yo yo yo homies!!! fuck the scavenger hunt and the mobile Skype app !! Lowkey scared but I think I’m close with everyone on the tribe except madi soooooooooo that’s probably who will go tonight. I’ve connected a lot with Monty and am hoping we can work together closely moving forward 💕not sure how useful my relationship with Zach is going to be come swap/merge bc it seems like he’s ALREADY making himself a target like the big doof he is. More later 💋

https://youtu.be/Qg47yupj1bQ

https://youtu.be/vUK8A1qWVoA

Hello tumblr survivor world! Sorry I didnt confess for episode 1, I was going to but i accidentally exited out of the page when i almost finished writing it. Anyways, it was just a cast assessment for my tribe so tl;dr everyone on my tribe is great and its really sad that we have to vote someone out now. So this whole weekend I was away so I was REALLY worried that I would be voted out since I sat out of the challenge. But after talking to Johnny and Isabelle, it seems like Madison will be voted out tonight. Which is so bad bc this her first game in a year, but hey it's our first vote and it's not me so it's not really the time to make a stand. _________________________________________________________________________________________ Okay I took a break from writing this confessional and there's moreeeeeeeee so part 2 I guess. So I had a call with Johnny and we came up with an alliance of me, him, Isabelle, and Benji. What an iconic alliance, right? But also while Johnny and I talked we got onto the topic of idols and why it is that there hasn't been an idol post yet. I brought up that wayyyyyy back when in Malaysia and some other games around that time, some of the idol hunts were less clear cut. We ended up looking at the blog and clicking the "idol system" tab and it brought us to some weird crab video with audio that sounds like a pokemon cry? Idk part of me thinks its just a joke but I also have to consider that it might be SOMETHING. It said remember to like and subscribe so I sent a screenshot of me liking and subscribing to see if that would do anything but nope. Johnny said he'd do some thinking about it and get back to me later if he figures something out. Also tribal seems super clear cut so I'm a bit less worried now but y'know how it is I can't not worry about tribal.

i just spent $8 on a spectogram and STILL cant find this fucking idol im gonna kms... monty im sorry im steam rolling ahead looking for this thing without telling you, but thank you for the first clue xoxo... if i get stumped in the future ill reach out for SURE (but idt you trust me that much so this seems kinda valid to me) ((FOUR HOURS LATER: i told monty lololol)) ALSO FOR FUCKS SAKE I think madison is gonna go, and truthfully, im fine with it because it's the easiest thing to do due to her poor performance in the past few challenges and just being the least AROUND the tribe, but i know that it'd probably be better for me long term to get rid of abby because i just dont see her as a long term ally for me. i think she's close to JJ and Megan on the other tribe, and she's becoming much more acclimated to the tumblr survivor community that i just BET that she maybe has an additional connection on the rookie tribe. If I can attempt to break that up before we get to a swap, I think that's what im going to have to do figure out if we lose another challenge before a swap... i dont really want to see ANYBODY else go besides abby if im thinking about a second boot. i bet it wont be easy to take her out tho also, if madison goes, this is like...... lowkey vindication for game changers???? last night i talked about this with monty and i was like hmmmm "is it ugly to bring up past game history?" and his response was "not if it's within the same series" .... so. vindication

---

omg i just told madison how to find the idol system thing i hope she doesnt tell anyone i told her about it LMAO........ this almost seems too easy.i got added to two alliances today. why do i not feel safe? is it me going? WTF IS GOING ON

excited to be first boot because no one will TALK TO ME! 

Things haven’t changed much since my last confessional! As far as I know the tribe hasn’t started into alliances and we’re all riding some excitement at having so far avoided tribal. I think the rest of the tribe and I are all feeling good and just focusing on making the tribe switch without losing any members.

from round 2 https://youtu.be/fk002uG2HoI

Hi sorry I forgot to do a confessional this round so this will be short imma just say a few things 1. I don’t trust julian one bit he can stop being shady to me 2. I can’t believe we aren’t going to tribal I’m so fkn happy i was able to pull out the win for our tribe because I didn’t want to lose anybody else 3. I love and adore will with all of my being and he’s my number 1 ally right now 4. I find it highly doubtful that there’s only one idol in this game and that you can’t find it until merge but that’s as far as I can get in the idol search for now so I guess there’s nothing I can do about it 5. I’m still having fun can’t wait to fuck up another flash game yay!!!

My Purple edit is amazing right now. But having played more games than most of these newbies, I have decided to take on the role of teacher and becoming more of a "role model" for these newbies. I feel like I have the closest bond with Zach, and I need to get a little closer with Collin. I have Grace from past games, and then there are the others who I do not really have any strong bonds with at the moment. I guess I need to start going to them more and show that I want to work with them.

https://youtu.be/yhwXzqrTcsA Confessional 2 for round 2

https://youtu.be/TVnpwqc8XLY

Madison voted out 6-1

[alfreedomm]

IGNORE THIS, ITS A RANT ABOUT ABSOLUTE NOTHING

dont say you havent been warned...

im fucking angry. my phone is a fucking ass and i want it to die in a hole- please go die in a hole phone... or got to the damn apple store and get fixed so youll i dont know STOP DELETING MY PHOTOS AND CONTACTS AND LOGGING ME OUT OF EVERYTHING AND GLITCHING!??!?1?1 get your DAMN SHIT TOGETHER PHONE OR IM GONNA THROW YOU INTO A WALL.

i swear if ula says stop phone abuse... shhh- its being stupid.

but why am i writing this? i dont know, i like ranting- its fun because my life is very sad and boring and i dont know how many times ive cried out of sadness and frustration today BECAUSE OF MY PHONE- and other things.

and i dont feel like going onto instagram to see blood pictures- why?- and have some nightmares thankyouverymuch... also why??? i swear i hate october sometimes. and i have a math test tomorrow and i cant even finish the revision sheet i forgot everything (we had damn residentials dont blame me)

also i dont wanna go onto instagram because im gonna see nice art by 13 year olds... like me... that have friends... and dont have methylchloroisothiazolinonephobia (thats a mouthfull) and can actually tALK TO PEOPLE! i envy you dude... the internet makes me sad sometimes seriously.

i would honestly vent more about my feelings and stuff but hELLO PEOPLE I KNOW IRL- IM NOT READY TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS STUFF BECAUSE IT INVOLVES YOU AND HAHA- ill tell you someday when im happy...er...

i dont even know if im happy anymore- for the most part im really sad and isolate myself from everyone and i have my reasons to do that but ahem people ik irl... you can see this,

i actually like this... just typing down my thoughts and stuff- so that way i dont look insane when i talk to myself in my room- seriously why does EVERYONE i know always act like im the ONLY PERSON WHO DOES THAT??? seriously, and also because then i dont just end up looking dumb for telling this to people that actually dont care and dont even listen (wow thanks)

people ik irl, dont ask me why i dont open up... thats why.

also because i think everyone will assume that ill just end up crying over that one really sad usuk fanfic which... i probably do a lot and people on snapchat always feel the need to tell me how annoying my story is and how it ‘spams their notifs’ idiot you can just SKIP MY STORY- ITS BASIC KNOWLEDGE OMFG, i dont CARE if you skipped my story again stop telling me in english class jfc. 

wow i ranted a lot... i think im the only person on tumblr who actually just rants in a text post instead of the tags but ill try not to make this a common occurrence because i rant a lot???? thats probably a bad thing but i have a lot to complain about especially when people are idiots on instagram (we GET IT YOU HATE USUK YOU CAN GO NOW) jeez, if you hate a ship just ignore it dont be that person who just googles it for no reason then complains... you googled it, your fault.

yeah thats mostly what i rant about- people who hate usuk but then google it anyway for no reason- i have a lot to say about that actually but im not going to because i dont think tumblrs ready for that amount of rage... but one day... just pray that i dont make another one of these honestly, today was just a rough day in the evening and i had a lot on my mind and i actually filled 8 pages in my journal... wow... and just ive been feeling down for a while and my phone didnt make it any better.

welp thats me done ranting- whew that was long... have a good time and pray i dont do this again.

-b