#i really do love my job and im so grateful for a lot of it and for the people i work with and etc but. i hate that i’ve started like ??

[godawfulfruitbat]

hello tumblr, it’s been a while.

like….WAAYYYYY longer than i intended it to be. but man. shit happened. and shit is happening.

i want to apologize in advance as i come with no art today, i just want to do my best to provide a quick life update and some words of love. talking/writing has never really been my strong suit, but i will give it my all regardless.

in terms of life update, there’s been a good handful of things going on during the past few months. for one, i got a job! i don’t talk about my personal life too much here, but there was a good block of time during the duration of this blog where i was unemployed. but im finally working again and it feels good. in terms of surgery recovery, its been…a lot. i had some minor issues with fluid buildup in my chest, and then later on i had an infection in one of my scars. but i am now at a point where im up and running, and everything has been resolved in that regard. another thing i don’t discuss much here is my struggles with physical health. in my personal life, i deal with chronic pain. and, during top surgery recovery, all of my issues just SKYROCKETED since i was off a few of my medications and have only very slowly been returning to their normal level of nuisance. i’m doing better than i was a few months ago, but things are still not the best. i’m at a point in my life where it has been in my best interest to use a cane in instances where i know i will be walking a lot or standing up for long periods of time to deal with some of the pain i get in my back, hips, knees and ankles. it’s been a pretty big help, and it’s an adjustment i’m glad i made. i’m having a lot of big feelings surrounding my experiences with chronic pain, especially now, but i am learning to live with them and move forward. when i am able to do so, id love to go back to posting on here. however, i am no longer at a point in my life where i can prioritize this blog the same way i used to. i will do what i can, and i promise to come back every now and then to check in with you all. every single one of you has had so much patience with me and showed me so much kindness and i am so grateful. you all are wonderful, and i love you very much.

and since i cannot in good faith say nothing, i am from america and i too am overwhelmed with grief and loss. i am still mourning the sliver of hope i had for seeing brighter days in the near future. but to those who see this and are in the same boat, you are not alone. you are loved, your presence matters and is important. your thoughts and your words are powerful, and it’s not over yet. if you need someone in your corner, reach out. i am here for you, as are so many others. i reiterate; you are loved.

everyone please stay safe, and be kind to yourself. i love you all so much. <3

[the-eclectic-wonderer]

A big thanks to @witchybitchybisexual who tagged me in this amazing 30-questions Golden Girls-themed game; I had a *great* time answering these! I look forward to reading everyone's answers (including yours, @witchybitchybisexual!).

I'm hiding all questions after #1 under a cut, because this got long haha!

1. How did you find out about the show?

Via another show I love -- Good Omens! Or, actually, via the amazing book that inspired it. One of the main characters, the demon Crowley, is a big fan of The Golden Girls; there's a great scene in which the forces of hell hijack one of Rose's monologues to send him a message while he's watching the show! I was in need of something new to watch at the time, and I figured if Crowley liked it so much, it was at least worth checking out. :)

2. One storyline you’d eliminate?

Hmm... probably Miles' witness protection program storyline? I don't mind it that much (it gave us some fun jokes and some memorable scenes!), but I feel like that was a turning point in Miles' character, and I just don't like the person he became after that turning point.

There was no question 3 here, so I made up my own! Hope that's not an issue :)

3. Best guest star/character?

Lynnie Greene takes the cake as the best guest star, for sure. I adore her and she played a phenomenal young!Dorothy. The second place goes to Dick Van Dyke, just because I love him in general!

As for the best guest character, I think the honour goes to Angela, Sophia's sister! She's absolutely hilarious and her comedic chemistry with Sophia is stellar. I also have to mention John Neretti from S6E23 What A Difference A Date Makes for being the best man in the series imho.

4. Character you most relate to?

Dorothy! My personality nowadays is a bit of a mix between Dorothy and Rose, I feel, but the Dorothy side is prevalent (and it was even more prevalent a few years back). I love reading and literature (and I enjoy learning about history, although I don't have her passion for it); I share her love for teaching (although I'm not a teacher); I was a great student in school, but not a popular kid at all; I'm level-headed and responsible, but I can be impulsive under the right circumstances; I'm very protective of the people I love; I'm Italian and was brought up a Catholic; I'm often the tallest girl in the room (I'm just a bit shorter than Bea Arthur was!) and I'm not attractive (not that Dorothy isn't -- but she is perceived as unattractive in the show), so I also understand her self-esteem issues fairly well.

I'm not as quick-witted as she is, unfortunately, and nowadays my outlook on life is more positive and easy-going than hers, but she's still the one I relate to the most.

5. Favourite character?

Blanche, although the other Girls are very, very close. I adore them all and I especially love to see them interact, but if I have to pick one, then it's Blanche. She's the one who surprised me the most! At the start of the show I kind of wrote her off as 'the man-crazy one', and that's as far removed from me as possible, so I didn't really focus much on her at the beginning. Then came S1E4 The Transplant, and then came her family issues, and then came all her memories of George, and before I knew it I was head-over-heels in love with her. Rue was masterful in how subtly she played her; she showed Blanche's depth as a character little by little, letting the audience peek behind the mask only for moments at a time, so when I realized I hadn't given her the attention she deserved, I was already in too deep.

6. Favourite story of a cast member?

Oh, so many good ones to choose from! The first one that comes to mind is Bea's anecdote about the time she was Tallulah Bankhead's understudy. The awe with which she describes her coming down the stairs is palpable -- but I mostly admire how she took Bankhead's mean comment and turned it into motivation. And Bea did get her 'coming down the stairs to thunderous applause' moment (more than once!), so her vow came true!

A fun one that involves all four main actresses is this blooper related to Blanche's Christmas gift to the girls, the 'The Men Of Blanche's Boudoir' calendar. Watching all of them lose their marbles over this prank is priceless -- it always puts a big smile on my face!

(Is this what you meant by this question? I wasn't sure!)

7. Which was the episode that got you hooked?

The pilot, lmao. It might be a cheesy answer, but it's true! I was immediately hooked from S1E1 scene one. Dorothy's incredible entrance got me.

8. You could wear one girl’s wardrobe for the rest of your life, who would you pick?

It's a toss-up between Blanche's and Dorothy's.

9. How many kids do you think they all actually had?

... this ask made me realize there are doubts about this, lmao. I've never done the math! Had to go check on wikipedia 😂

As far as I can tell, it's fairly set in stone that Rose had five children, of which we meet two (Kirsten, with two different faces 😂, and Brigit, who I assume is her youngest one).

It also seems reasonably certain that Dorothy had two kids -- Kate and Michael. I will say I've always thought Kate was much younger than she should have been in her appearances on the show, considering Dorothy was pregnant with her when she married, but maybe she just looked much younger than she actually was, I don't know.

Blanche is more complicated. We see both of her daughters, Janet and Rebecca, and in S3E3 Bringing Up Baby she mentions three sons, Matthew (also known as 'Skippy'), Doug, and Biff. In that same episode, though, she also says she's had four kids! I get where the disconnect comes from, haha. To be precise, her quote is:

"I have had four kids, I have never had a Mercedes."

This is just off the top of my head, but I wonder if she means 'I have had' in the sense of 'I have given birth to' here? This would imply one of her children is actually adopted (which is very interesting to think about!!). Since she directly mentions her three sons after this quote, I suppose our suspects are Janet and Becky. I'll have to give this some more thought, though -- for now my answer is that Blanche has five kids, and that 'four' is a continuity error on the writers' part.

10. Do you think the actresses would’ve gotten along with their characters if they met in real life? Why/Why not?

Interesting question! I think so, yes.

Dorothy and Bea seem fairly similar already -- as far as I know Bea was a big sweetheart, a private, gentle person, and Dorothy's a big sweetheart too. Plus I feel like Dorothy would have been respectful of Bea's introverted nature, and Bea would have been understanding and accepting of Dorothy's personal history (not to mention, she wouldn't have mocked her for not dating/for her appearance).

In all the interviews I've seen, Estelle seems very respectful and very fond of old people in general -- I think she'd find Sophia a riot! I seem to remember a clip in which she actually says she likes Sophia, so I feel pretty secure in stating they'd get along.

There's this famous quote by Rue in which she essentially says that she's similar to Blanche in everything but the fact that she's not from Atlanta 😂 so I feel justified in assuming they would have had fun with each other! Rue's stated that she felt an immediate connection to Blanche as a character, and that playing Blanche helped her gain more self-esteem and confidence, so I think meeting her in person would have had a similar effect! And Rue (being a very open, honest, compassionate person) might have helped Blanche drop her mask a little bit.

The only one I have an inkling of doubt about is Betty -- mostly because she'd run circles around Rose! But ultimately I think any 'mocking' would be gentle and affectionate, much like the Girls' jokes in the show. I think they would have liked each other -- and they could have bonded on their common love for animals alone!

11. What are your other comfort shows?

Apart from the aforementioned Good Omens, I'm also very fond of Only Murders In The Building, a really fun show about solving murders and found family that I wholeheartedly recommend. Derry Girls is another recent favourite. Oh, if you like cartoons too, I recommend Steven Universe, Hilda, and Avatar: The Last Airbender.

12. Headcanons? (Feel free to list as many as you’d like)

Oh, my god. I have so many and I'm for sure going to forget some. Let's see...

I've already said some time ago that in my mind Dorothy drives stick shift. Reasoning for this is that Italians (including yours truly, haha!) drive stick shift, and she's of Italian descent, so... she knows how to drive an automatic car, she just learned how to drive on a stick shift one (and in the streets of Brooklyn, no less!). Still on Dorothy: I think she has a very neat handwriting (she feels like the type of person who consciously decided to improve her handwriting at some point in her life), but she's prone to leaving ink stains on the page (and on her hands!!), especially when she's writing in a hurry.

Rose is really strong! Physically strong, I mean. I know she was a housewife for most of her life, but she was a farm girl first! Farming takes a lot of physical resilience, and that's the kind of strength that stays with you, I think. She's the one who lifts up the furniture when they clean (S2E12 The Sisters), and I don't think they'd let her do that if she couldn't handle it. Plus, remember that time she broke a whole ceramic cup with one bare hand (in S7E19 A Midwinter Night's Dream)? Yeah. I also subscribe to some mutuals' hc that she's autistic (although they'll be able to comment on it much better than I can, if they want to!).

Regarding Blanche, I really enjoy @\eeblouissant's hc that she has a permanent tan! She's from the South, she's lived near the coast for ages, *and* she's expressed an appreciation for sunbathing in the show, so it makes perfect sense to me. Also: she's a cover hog! In the show Rose is the one who admits to stealing the covers (in S2E5 Isn't It Romantic?, iirc), but I like to think Blanche is the worst offender. It's a good way to complete the Girls' trifecta of sleeping annoyances (Dorothy snores, Rose sleeptalks, Blanche steals the covers!), and I think it's thematically appropriate for her -- considering her Southern origin, I think she's more sensitive to the cold than Dorothy and Rose are, and she's always looking for affection, so...

Oh, regarding their sexuality: I don't have a marked preference for any of them, but I tend to think of Blanche as a bisexual with a lot of internalized homophobia. Rose is also bi, and somewhere on the asexual spectrum (and I have textual evidence for this!). @\hecatesbroom has completely convinced me to read Dorothy as a repressed lesbian, but I'm fine with people considering her bisexual too. I prefer queer interpretations of all of them, but I'm honestly fine with any take, as long as the strong (platonic or romantic) bond between them is preserved.

Most of my headcanons on Sophia are just traits borrowed from my grandmothers -- for example, I like to think that she started getting into gardening once she moved in with the Girls, and she's really gifted at it (like my grandma!).

13. What would you change (if anything) about the show/ characters if it was set in the modern day?

This is a really hard question to answer properly, because while the show is still very relevant to the present day, some aspects are so grounded in their time that a lot of things don't make as much sense when transposed into the future. For example -- would Dorothy end up marrying Stanley and staying married to him for 38 years if he'd gotten her pregnant in the 90s? Single mothers weren't exactly celebrated back then either (Madonna's Papa Don't Preach is from 1986), but they still had it much better than they did back in the 40s-50s -- and divorce has become much more accessible (and socially acceptable) in the past few decades. Would she have left him earlier? Would she have married him at all?

And what about Sophia? Being an Italian immigrant in the 50s seems different from being an Italian immigrant in the 20s -- there was a whole World War between the two, for starters. Would she still emigrate to the US? Would she even emigrate at all? How would she have survived the fascist regime in Italy?

Blanche and Rose are perhaps less grounded in their time. St Olaf is so absurd it might as well be the exact same in the present day (and dying in childbirth is unfortunately still too common, so it's not strange to think that Rose would be an orphan in any case), and considering how some people still think and behave nowadays, Blanche's biography and opinions seem plausible even when transposed 30-40 years into the future (at least to me). But still -- many of the issues they deal with were grounded in their time. Take Rose's AIDS scare: would she react in the same way in the present day, knowing that care for HIV patients has progressed so much?

To be fair, apart from all these questions, all of the Girls are still plausible (and relatable) characters from a modern POV; but society has changed a lot in the past 30-40 years, and I think a groundbreaking, socially advanced show like Golden Girls would necessarily have to change as a consequence. It's just in the spirit of the show! The core idea of four women sharing a life is still a perfect premise, but the problems the Girls face, their careers, their economic stability, their ideas on love and relationships -- there's a lot that could be different when transposed to the present day! I feel like this question requires much more space, time, and analysis to be answered properly.

One thing I like to think is that at least some of the Girls might have been explicitly queer if the show was set in the present day! Which opens up a lot of avenues for plot-lines and relationships :)

14. Which other Fictional Characters would you like each one of the golden girls to meet?

I have a storyboard in my notes for a little comic in which the Girls travel to England and meet Aziraphale and Crowley from Good Omens, so them, definitely 😂

Also, the Derry Girls! Check out this great crossover fic on Ao3 -- the chaotic energy is just off the charts, I love it.

15. Who were your favourite duo?

Oh, I can't choose. Any duo within the Girls. Their 1:1 interactions are all amazing, there's no way I can pick just one. I love the bond between Dorothy and Sophia, I love Dorothy and Blanche's chemistry, I love how fun and silly Blanche and Rose get to be together, I love the ironclad trust between Dorothy and Rose, I love Blanche and Sophia's love-(fake) hate friendship, I love the way Sophia hides her immense affection for Rose under a veil of humour and the way Rose sees right through it. I could write an essay on each pair of them.

15. Who should’ve got more 1:1 screen time with each other?

I'm pretty happy with the amount of 1:1 time each pair of Girls got with each other, actually! One of the strengths of the show imho is how well-balanced the interactions between the main cast are. If I really have to nitpick, I think I might have liked a couple of episodes specifically on Dorothy and Rose in the last couple of seasons; it feels like they interacted 1:1 less after S5, but that might just be me.

I also think the Girls' interactions with secondary characters and guests were well-balanced, in general; I can't think of any specific example where I wished for one of the Girls to have more interactions with a certain character.

... okay, there is one instance, but it's not really a matter of screen time, more of what happened during said screen time. I really, really wanted to see Blanche (with Rose as support) tear into Stan. I think we deserved a scene where she tells him off for the way he treats Dorothy -- she's already pretty caustic in the show when it comes to him (except in S6, for some reason...), and a proper confrontation would have been glorious.

16. Calmest season?

Is there one? 😂 the first season, I guess? It feels a bit more 'domestic' and contained in scope, likely because it was the first -- but it's still a wild ride!!

17. Most chaotic season?

Season 3, for sure. It's a bit all over the place, and it contains some of the wildest premises in the whole series -- I mean, Bringing Up Baby? Letter to Gorbachev? Mister Terrific? I could go on -- there's lots of chaotic episodes in there! (Just to be clear: I love the chaos! S3 is not my favourite season, but it's still great -- and it's got some amazing episodes!)

18. Favorite Season?

I think the honour goes to season 5! It would probably be S6, if not for the whole 'Dorothy falls back in love with Stan' plot line. S7 is the one that contains the highest count of favourite episodes for me, but I think S5 is stronger as a whole, and it's got some true gems.

19. If the girls hadn’t had their established careers, what other ones could you picture them doing?

Oh, let's see! Stan mentions Dorothy always wanted to open an antique shop back in S1E11 The Return of Dorothy's Ex, and I think that really fits her. I can also see her as a (very passionate) librarian! And, of course, she'd be great as a college professor / history researcher.

Despite the Girls' lack of confidence in her ability to keep things alive, I think with proper training Rose would work well as a nurse. She already volunteers for the hospital, she can be competent when given the chance, she's a giving person, and she loves taking care of people, so I think she at least has the right attitude for it -- although I'd never place her in a stressful unit, especially at the start of the show! Apart from this, anything to do with animals, of course -- a zoo, a farm, a pet shop, she'd excel in all of them!

I can see Blanche thriving as a trophy wife, haha 😂 but that's not properly a career, so it's not a valid answer. Taking her keen artistic eye into account, I think she'd be great as a designer -- either a fashion designer, or an interior decorator. She also showed some talent and interest in psychology during the series, although I'm not sure she'd manage to remain completely professional as a psychologist. 😅

As for Sophia, I think she'd do well in any position that allows her to be a motivator! She's great at encouraging people through a bit of tough love, and she's a very driven person herself -- so I think she'd do well as a manager of sorts, although the kind of manager that still works hands-on too. I believe she'd manage to hold her own in more or less any field; she's very adaptable! I do think she's at her best in a kitchen, though.

20. Best aspects of the show in your opinion?

There's a lot! The writing, the performances, the costume department, it was all exceptional. I think the best aspect to me is the premise, and how seriously they took it! The idea of a show centered on four older women living together is groundbreaking, especially since it didn't make a mockery of them -- the Girls are serious, well-rounded characters, with full lives, written with lots of love and respect. I think this show really convinced me that life isn't over once you hit 30, and that there's plenty to look forward to as you age! A lot of people my age are terrified of growing older, and here I am, eager to see what's coming next -- and I owe at least some of this attitude to this show. I'm really grateful!

21. (This question is for my fellow cheesecake lovers) favourite cheesecake flavour?

:) Great question! I love cheesecakes in general, but I'm especially partial to raspberry cheesecakes.

22. Storyline you wished they had expanded upon?

The show has an unfortunate tendency to introduce characters and then forget about them, which allowed for more variety in the stories they chose to tell, but I would have liked to see some of the Girls' relatives and friends return! Like, I don't know -- Jean, for example, or Blanche's nephew from back in S1. Some of the guests' arcs are complete within their episode (as happens eg for Lily, Rose's sister), but others remained a bit 'in the air', and I think it would have been nice to see them again.

Oh, and also -- I would have liked some little references to the Girls' issues and problems outside of the episodes they're tackled in! References to Blanche's pacemaker, for example, or to Rose's addiction, or to Dorothy's CFS (or her hearing aid!!). I understand that the time was limited, but even a small callback or two would have been nice!

23. Questions you’d ask the actresses?

Does 'will you marry me' count? 😭

I'm not sure -- knowing me, I'd probably be unable to utter a word in their presence! Rather than ask questions, I think I'd just thank them for bringing such an incredible, wonderful show to life. It wouldn't have been the same without them.

24. Episode that brings you the most comfort?

Most of them, really. Even the sad ones; I hear the first few notes of the opening theme and my spirits are already lifted. I can pick one per season, if that's alright:

S1E25 The Way We Met

S2E17 Bedtime Story

S3E3 Bringing Up Baby

S4E4 Yokel Hero

S5E23 The Mangiacavallo Curse Makes a Lousy Wedding Present

S6E26 Henny Penny -- Straight, No Chaser

S7E23/24 Home Again, Rose

But honestly there's so many more I could mention! I just love these ladies so much and I love to watch them in situations, haha.

25. Episode that made you laugh the hardest?

This is a cruel choice! Golden Girls is infamous in my house as 'the show that makes the-eclectic-wonderer howl with laughter', and I think that speaks for itself 😂

Let me pick at least three: S2E4 It's a Miserable Life, S7E2 The Case of the Libertine Belle, and S7E4 That's For Me To Know.

26. Which other work that the actresses did you enjoy the most?

I believe most of Estelle's career prior to The Golden Girls was in the theater, so I'm not sure it's even possible to watch her other works, unfortunately.

Show me Bea Arthur singing literally anything and I will be on my knees in seconds. Her musical performances are peak. Also -- I still haven't watched Maude, but I already know I'll love it.

Maude includes Rue as well -- I cannot wait to fall in love with her as Vivian too! And I have one of her early movies in my watch list, although I'm waiting for the right moment to watch it (homegirl plays a stripper and I'm not sure I can handle it in company without making a fool of myself, considering my big gay crush on her).

As for Betty -- Life With Elizabeth, absolutely. She's so funny and so beautiful and so captivating in it! She's simply charming, I love her to bits.

27. Best St Olaf Story?

The Great Herring War from S1E25 The Way We Met, no question. It's not necessarily the strongest from a comedy point of view (although it's certainly up there -- it's hilarious!), but the context and the way Dorothy and Blanche contribute to it make it the most memorable one, imho. It's my favourite, for sure.

(The story of Gunilla Bjorndunker, St Olaf's tallest woman, as told in S6E3 If At Last You Do Succeed is in second place).

28. Best slut story?

It changes every time I hear one, lmao! I love all of Blanche's stories!

If I must pick one -- I really enjoy Blanche's retelling of that time she realized she was even more devastating by moonlight in S1E25 The Way We Met, if only for that incredible final line ("It was at that moment I realized my bosoms had the power to make music!"). I'm not sure if it counts, because it's so brief, but her involuntary remembrance of that time she had to call a cab to get home because the sailor she hooked up with wouldn't wake up (S2E17 Bedtime Story) always has me in stitches -- I love how unexpected and effective it is!

Oh, and I'm really fond of the one she tells her mama in S3E25 Mother's Day. I'm very sensitive to the theme of loved ones getting older and having trouble remembering stuff, so that whole flashback hits close to home for me, and I love how Blanche's story helps her and her mama connect over shared memories. It's really touching (and Rue's acting is spectacular).

29. Best Sicily story?

Sophia's alleged encounter with Pablo Picasso, as narrated in S6E24 Never Yell Fire In A Crowded Retirement Home: Part 1. I somehow didn't anticipate the punchline, and I lost my shit when Sophia name-dropped Picasso. I still lose my shit every time I listen to it. It's a classic.

30. Which girl would you be most interested in seeing a prequel of? And at which point in their life?

I would pay dearly for a young!Dorothy show. It might be depressing (because her life with Stan was... well... yikes) but also imagine -- Dorothy learning how to be a mom, her life at college, building herself a life... so many possibilities!!! And it would be even better if it featured some flashbacks to Sophia's life in Sicily!

I would enjoy a show about teenage Blanche's adventures, too, but a part of me thinks those stories are at their best when retold by Blanche herself (ie when there's a good amount of doubt as to their veracity, lmao).

[honeyedheartss]

.

[sevenyeargap]

practicing gratitude about this past year tonight and it IS actually helping?? a lot????????? unbelievable

[lilac-melody]

Tomorrow marks my 6th day working at my new job and Monday will be my 7th/weekiversary....

[povlnfour]

ੈ✩‧₊˚ TALES OF CANDOR (LN4)

pairing: lando norris x f!author!reader

summary: lando’s girlfriend has a secret identity. she’s not quite the girl next door everyone assumed, and he might just be the inspiration for more than just her instagram captions.

warnings: some hate comments

* faceclaim: mélanie, aka wailcester on ig (please imagine her as you see fit)

ੈ✩‧₊˚ landonorris just posted a photo

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landonorris some days @ home

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user i hope ur enjoying ur time off!

user no hate but like what does his gf actually do?

user literally nothing she’s jobless💀

user it’s giving🏅👷‍♀️

user lando i love u but half naked pics of ur girl isn’t helping how much we dislike her…

user what’s she reading!!!

yourusername a thousand splendid suns by khaled hosseini!!

user ofc u are. i totally believe u acc read well written books. u probably just read gossip columns but want to seem interesting🙄

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musingsofcandor biscuit approves of the final draft🤍

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user HELLO??? CANDOR DOES THIS MEAN WE R GETTING A NEW BOOK

user i love that we know more abt candy’s cat than we do her…

user can’t wait to read it🥹🥹

rickriordan has to be my favorite thing you’ve written!

user RICK’S READ IT??? OH YOU KNOW ITS GOOD

user lando norris in the likes he’s just like all of us fr

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo

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yourusername ‘when she finally got the camera film developed, seeing his face made it all come rushing back’🦋🫧🧚🏻

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user im sorry i know we r meant to be supportive but she annoys me sm. is she just living off of lando’s money?

user omg the caption!!!

user i recognise it, where’s it from?

user it’s from ‘tales of peter rourke’ by candor!!!

user 🤢

user we get it… ur dating someone rich. now get a job!

ੈ✩‧₊˚ mclaren interview

[captions:

interviewer: what have you been up to in your break?

lando: a lot of lounging around with my girlfriend. read a few books too!

interviewer: anything good?

lando: i’m really into magical reality at the moment! that kind of it’s all normal till it’s not stuff, you know?

interviewer: any good recommendations?

lando: if you like that same genre, i recommend ‘the right side of upside’ by candor! it’s pretty recent, i finished it last week.]

comments

user he likes candor??? he’s so real for that

user KNEW I COULD TRUST HIM

user bad taste in women good taste in books

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musingsofcandor thank you for all the love lately on ‘the right side of upside’. insane seeing so many of you recommend it, biscuit and i are eternally grateful. love, candy🤍

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user QUEEN DID YOU SEE LANDO RECOMMENDED IT

user CANDY HAS A MAN???

user love u forever ur so talented

user CANT WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO NEXT. CANT BELIEVE WE HAVE TO WAIT NOW

musingsofcandor it might be sooner than you think ;)

user UM. candor is this a soft launch?????

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landonorris got some super helpful race advice today

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user OH MY GOD MY WORLDS ARE COLLIDING

user LANDO WE NEED TO KNOW EVERYTHING IS SHE CUTE I FEEL LIKE SHES CUTE

user break up w ur gf and date candor when

musingsofcandor biscuit says he can’t be held responsible for the outcome🐾

landonorris can i hold you responsible instead, candy?

user UHHHH WHATS GOING ON HERE

user i just know y/n is feeling THREATENED

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo

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yourusername all mine

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user LMAOOO U STARTED SWEATING HUH

user candor could steal ur man if she really wanted to

user GIRL YOU’RE SO OBVIOUS

landonorris yours🖤

user STOP LYINGGGG

ੈ✩‧₊˚ an exclusive interview with candor : entertainment weekly

interviewer: so candor! tell us how it really feels having the world at your feet!

candor: [laughing] honestly quite normal! it’s a blessing and a curse, really, not having my identity revealed. i get to live my life without those pressures, but i don’t get to see anyone and thank them for reading!

interviewer: do you ever get the urge to approach someone reading one of your books?

candor: all the time! whenever i go browsing in book stores and see someone looking at or buying mine, i have such a temptation to scream THANK YOU at them!

interviewer: do you see a future in which you reveal your identity?

candor: maybe! there are a few of my fans who know who i am, those who attend the secret events and signings, but i’m very lucky that they all respect my privacy and haven’t shared anything further. perhaps one day soon i’ll finally let everyone in on the secret.

interviewer: and we can’t talk to you and not bring up your cat — or rather, who your cat met the other day…?

candor: oh! i’m assuming you mean lando norris? yes! he’s a pretty good friend of mine, he’s been a big support over the last few years and we found some time in our schedules last week to meet up.

interviewer: so you’re a formula 1 fan?

candor: huge fan! i’m a big mclaren girl so lando and i met through their events!

interviewer: oh fantastic! see folks reading this, she really is just like us!

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo

liked by landonorris and 33,009 others

yourusername cars going vroom vroom makes my heart go boom boom

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user lmao posting before and after candor’s interview. girl ur not subtle.

user im so sorry but ur clearly so threatened it’s hilarious

user i don’t get all the hate in here??? she’s just in love n happy?

user shes a gold digger

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ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo

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musingsofcandor told you it wouldn’t be long🫧 ‘thomasin jeffe, the cat, and the diplomat’ will be with you next friday. a lot of love poured into this one over the past few years, i just couldn’t wait any longer to give it to you🤍

already a member on my website? check your emails🦋

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user WHDHSJSJSJSJS

user OH MY GOD ITS HAPPENING

user THE EMAILLLLL🥹

user candy omg where do you live that looks so pretty!!!!

musingsofcandor monaco !!

landonorris 🖤

user lando using the black heart and candor using the white… i’m sorry to his gf (not really) but they’re meant to be

ੈ✩‧₊˚ user just posted a photo

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user the best day of my life!!! thank you so much candor for being the absolute sweetest human and taking time to talk to each and every one of us! i cannot wait to read thomasin jeffe, the cat, and the diplomat🥹🤍

view all comments

user YOU MET HERRRRE???

user WHO IS SHE TELL TELL TELL

user candor asks us not to share her identity so i’m gonna respect that but LET ME TELL YOU I WAS SHOCKED

user i recognise her from just that inch of her face but i can’t tell whERE FROM

musingsofcandor it was WONDERFUL to meet you! i hope you enjoy the story🤍

user wish people on twitter were as kind as this,,, there’s photos of her going around :/

ੈ✩‧₊˚ f1wags just posted a photo

liked by 57,916 people

f1wags the internet has been in PIECES after famous author candor’s recent book signing. photos have emerged of the popular anonymous author from the event, revealing her to be none other than LANDO NORRIS’ GIRLFRIEND, Y/N! turns out, she has a job after all👀 (pictures taken from y/n’s instagram!)

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user i… cannot believe this

user see. when y’all were hating on her you were secretly worshipping her

user @ everyone who was an arse to y/n… KARMA IS A BITCH!

user WHAT????

user HOLY SHIT LANDO HAS BEEN DATING MY FAV AUTHOR THIS WHOLE TIME????

ੈ✩‧₊˚ yourusername just posted a photo

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yourusername well. the secrets out. it’s been a long few years, but it’s nice to not have to hold it in any more.

both my accounts will remain active for separate purposes, but i’m excited to be able to introduce you to candor as she is in her whole truth — just like her name suggests🤍

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user ironically this is exactly how i picture marian elsie from thomasine jeffe looking. full fairy

user i am. so sorry. so so so sorry. i know nothing can ever compare for the things we said but i really am

yourusername thank you. no hard feelings on my end🤍

ੈ✩‧₊˚ landonorris just posted a photo

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landonorris my candy. it may not have been how you intended, but i’m glad i get to show off how proud of you i am.

i’ve watched you as both candor and y/n for a while now, and i love both versions of you entirely. i cannot wait to see what you do now you have the freedom to be whoever you want to.

and hey, pretty cool to be able to say i’m the inspiration behind some of your characters, huh?🖤

ps. so glad i can finally share photos of mY CAT. even if he does hate me biscuit is MINE as well

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user love the clarification that the most important thing to lando is sharing photos of his cat😭😭

user MORE PICS OF BISCUIT PLEASE

user i’ve always been in love with her i can say that confidently

user oh so you’re a successful fanboy

yourusername biscuit told me to tell u ur smelly for using him for likes

landonorris you literally said to me omg i can post about biscuit now YOU FEEL THE SAME DONT LIE

ੈ✩‧₊˚ musingsofcandor just posted a photo

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musingsofcandor i’ve had a bit of inspiration for some time🤍

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user MOM AND DAD

user i can’t believe this. my worlds are colliding

user I KNEW CAPTAIN ROURKE FELT FAMILIAR IN THE TALES OF PETER ROURKE

user i can’t believe my fav ever love interest is based on lando….

landonorris i love you. thanks for immortalising me🖤

————

a/n: hello hello! another one whilst i recover!

so this was based on an anon request and i have had so much fUN writing it!!!! whilst i don’t normally do requests generally due to being overwhelmed easily, this one stood out to me as i Love books so i was inspired. to the anon who requested, i hope this is what you imagined🤍

in terms of further requests! whilst i can’t promise i’ll do them, if you have any pressing ideas you think would work with my style , do feel free to send them in ! i always love to hear your ideas (and any thoughts on my works!! please send feedback as well!!) and will try gradually to get through some🤍

fun fact: all the book titles are based on actual books i have written hehe

fun fact pt2: yes her pseudonym is chosen bc i watched divergent last night

taglist (found in pinned post): @idkiwantchocolatee @vellicora @alessioayla @bborra @crimeshowjunkie @minkyungseokie @paolexsstuff @celestialpato @champagnelovers101 @loxbbg @hobiismyhopeu @tsukishitm-a @moonypixel @champagneproblems17 @ironmaiden1313 @lqvesoph @sunflower-golden-vol6 @six-call @skatingiswalkingincursive @peqch-pie @m0cha-bunny @woozarts @he6rtshaker @iluvvmeeee @goldenalbon @izzy-marvel @lucyysthings @lichterfee @tallrock35

[confused-and-dickless]

In the latest instalment of my personal divine comedy: I've spent all my spare emotional and mental energy on understanding chemistry (which I still don't understand) and now I'm about to take a biology exam over diabetes- a disease THAT I HAVE. And I am fairly sure I'm not gonna do great friends.

[ilostyou]

it’s so not ideal that i’ve started to get proper anxious and Not Looking Forward to going back to work at the beginning of the week

[flawless-peach]

change your life ✨️

feel free to join me in this. I'm going to try to post every day about how I did <3

- get at least 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I've found if I go to sleep and then wake up back for a couple hours and then finish the 8 hours I feel I incredibly unrested. I keep myself accountable by using pokemon sleep which has a great alarm, so I'm looking forward to trying this instead

- read or listen to an audiobook for 30 minutes. literacy is a muscle, and using it is important, but sometimes I can't just sit down and read a book, and audiobooks are great for when I'm cleaning or cooking or folding laundry

- get sun daily. humans are a lot more like plants than you would think and so it is important to get some sun, even when it's a wintery sun that's cold or when it's a blazing furnace. Since I have some mental health issues and am unable to go outside im going to at least open my curtains, and if possible, crack a window to get some fresh air

- start a hobby you can enjoy. this one can be difficult because a lot of things require some sort of financial investment. for me, my hobbies for these six months is going to be writing and annotating books. but being creative is great for the human mind.

- learn to be comfortable alone. honestly this one will be difficult. personally, I live in a studio. privacy is nothing i experience, butthe little moments where you find yourself escaping with TV playing or music pause it and sit with yourself, how else can you learn to love someone if you avoid them 🥰

- meditate daily. this will be something I struggle with so much, but I'm going to try in the mornings since that's my peak time <3 and that's when I plan on doing a yoga flow during the sunrise

- eat healthy nutritious food. I hate cooking and I hate eating. having autism can make these really difficult for me to do, but I'm really really trying. I started the week before last to work on figuring out what snack foods I can prep, and now i just need to work on planning out some meals.

- positive affirmations everyday. I really struggle to have positive self talk because it feels so awkward and uncomfortable because I've been pessimistic for so long, but I want to change that ^^

- reduce screen time. this is going to be specifically targetting mindless scrolling for me. I have a tiktok account that I use for motivation, same with my tumblr account, and I also read on my phone and use my sleep app that I need to keep open at night.

- practice gratitude. my goal is to at night reflect on the day to try and find the good. I already reflect on my days and pick a mood, but I want to create lists of things i am grateful for, especially while I'm in between jobs.

[ollimus-prime]

HAIIII OLLIE !!!!1!1!!!!!!1!!!!!◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ ◝(ᵔᗜᵔ)◜ IM LOWKEY SOOOOOO EXCITED THAT YOURE WRITING FOR TRANSFORMERS ON A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT BLOG ENTIRELY MADE FOR IT!!!!1! + you already KNOW who it is — ITS YOUR BOY 😼😼 /ref

i’ve been tweaking so hard over tfone b-127 bumblebae boy bc he’s so auuuhhh — 😭😭 got me on my knees bc my type in men is so golden retriever boyfriends, BUT SPEAKING OF GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOYFRIENDS!!

i hope you don’t mind me requesting b-127 with a fem cybertronian reader who’s just his female counterpart drabble or hcs? like it’s giving yapper x yapper and golden retriever x golden retriever, no freaking doubt both fell for eachother the moment they introduced themselves and started to yap together. OK I TALK TOO MUCH, PLS TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OLLIE!!! DRINK UP, EAT UP, SLEEP WELL AND TAKE BREAKSSSS!! Loves ya much :)

Yapper Adoration

A/N, not important: Hope you like it, Frankie. I tried my best. Also, it's Gender Neutral, not fem. Sorry! Any criticism is welcome, constructive or not. This is supposed to be a gender neutral reader, so if I screwed up somewhere, please tell me.

-Ollie

CW: N/A(unless y'all see smth I need to add)

Words: 554

Summary: B-127 finally has someone to talk to

B-127 was first introduced to you via Elita-1. She had met you during her time in waste management, your bubbly and eager-to-please personality strikingly similar to B’s own. Elita-1, knowing she had two loud and boisterous bots that needed constant attention, stuck you together in hopes that you would both get along and stop bothering everyone else. To Elita-1’s delight and slight horror, the two of you stuck together like magnets.

B-127 finally had someone who not only was willing to listen to him, but someone who actively engaged in what he said. Not to mention you had worked similar jobs, causing a bond to form from the toil of sorting garbage and the dream of doing more. You were just as positive and rambunctious as him, causing B-127 to immediately latch onto you as his new best friend.

Not that you minded, of course. You had your fair share of bots who’ve been annoyed by your endless chatter, and finding someone who was similar to you in personality and mannerism was just as freeing to you as it was to B. Neither of you were much willing to separate after your first meeting. Despite Elita’s chiding of you both moving too fast, you had started dating the kind and energetic bot.

You’re also one of the only bots B-127’s met that didn’t immediately think he was insane. Sure, you’ve joked about his ‘friends’ that he made down in sub level 50 before, but he didn’t sense a hostility in your tone like most others seem to have. You encouraged his interests and helped him find new friends, showing support he’s never truly received before.

There’s never silence when either of you are around, both of you capable of listening to the other’s prattling just as much as you converse back and forth. Having someone willing to listen to your interests and engage with them is something neither of you really realized you needed. While you were definitely more socially aware than B was, you weren’t much better at keeping friends around.

You comfort him a lot after D-16’s departure, allowing him to express his feelings in a healthy way while dealing with his quick gain and loss of friends. He leans on your positive attitude to keep his intact as well, and he’s incredibly grateful to have you. He wants to have all of his friends back, but having you to lean on after losing one so quickly makes it easier to manage.

Neither of you ever stop bragging about landing each other, the both of you getting into basic lovers quarrels over who loves the other more. Whenever you’re seen together, you’re almost always touching in some way. Whether it’s holding hands, hugging, or leaning against each other, there’s not much that can make either of you stray far enough to not be glued to the other. It’s mostly for B’s sake, as being alone for so long really had to put a strain on his mental health. Being able to hang onto you is a good reminder you’re not only real, but that you’re not going anywhere.

He’s your best friend through and through, and feels super safe with you. He wants you to know you’re his favorite person and reminds you like, every few minutes. You’re everything he’s ever wanted.

[strangecowplant]

please help me pay my kitties emergency vet bill!

ive never done this before but one of my cats just had to get an extremely sudden emergency procedure and i don't know what to do, my vet and i have reached out to a couple incredible programs here to help with the bill but one is less than half and the other hasn't replied back yet, i've already declined the blood work (CA$356) to lower the bill at the risk of possible underlying liver and kidney issues not being found but its still a monumental amount for us right now. i just feel so helpless

we had enough to pay the minimum deposit to get the procedure started in time thankfully, but we were already scraping by as it is and now we're in desperate need of funds to eat/pay rent/pay off any remainder of the bill. i am disabled without aid and have been unable to work/haven't worked since 2015 but am on track to hopefully start working pt this fall. i live with my mom who has 3-4 jobs including one seasonal job which needless to say is stressful and wearing her down. we unfortunately are stuck in the most expensive place to live in canada with the inability to save up to flee so the cycle is never ending.

this is Teddy, my typically very silly vocal happy boy who's not quite 2 yet, my comfort king, my little muffin who acts like a weighted blanket for me at night and eases my anxiety, his favourite toy is his pink unicorn poof, he loves car rides and he can shake paw!

he got a sudden urinary blockage last night with no straight answer as to why and progressively got worse as the night went on, i didnt sleep at all, i was panicking and bawling, naturally, and raced to the vet to get in as soon as the door opened. i assumed it was a uti which wouldn't have been as costly, but it turned out to be much more severe and life threatening. i never expected my usually extremely healthy boy to suddenly be at risk of that and im still trying to just process whats been happening

he needed to be sedated and given a catheter and some medication, the total bill came to CA$985.62, of which we were barely able to pay 500 of, and one program was able to donate 300 leaving a total of CA$185.62 for the bill. this, of course, leaves us scrambling for food and rent as well

i know there are a lot of fundraisers out there needing donations right now, and i really hate letting myself be so open and raw like this but even a dollar would help tremendously and i would be forever grateful for any help whatsoever, even a rb to signal boost is greatly appreciated <3

TLDR; my cat had a sudden life threatening issue and now we can't pay the full vet bill or pay for food/rent

Paypal

[tarjapearce]

As My Own

Miguel O'Hara x Daughter'sRoomate!femreader .

Don't think I have forgotten about the requests 👀.

WARNING: Fluff. A tiny squeeze of angst, Rotting tooth fluff, daily snippets of life, anxious dad.

Summary: Gabi wants a mom. And who is Miguel to deny such wish?

Requested Here. Hope you like ❤️ Feedback is highly appreciated.

Sighing for the third time in a row, Miguel looked fondly at the pictures of his daughter through the years, until she grew out to be a lovely young lady, whose talents in soccer had earned her a scholarship in college.

Despite being terrified of the idea of Gabriela spreading her wings and soar into life itself, he knew the moment would come sooner or later, more like, right now. He was unpacking some boxes into the apartment Gabi would be staying, and if he was honest, the idea of her sharing a room with someone else didn't appeal that much on his trust issues.

If it wasn't for the house renovations needed to be done ASAP, he'd make sure to get Gabi a place for her own.

------

Emancipation had taken a toll on him and his mind, The once girly and colorful room filled with drawings, trophies and medals with a soccer player motifs, soccer star posters, some consoles and games, was now an empty space full of memories.

When Gabi gave him the news of her moving out completely, made his heart to shrink and break, but he knew that he had to let her go. Gabriela was 19 at the time, doing good at college, had found herself a half time job and a new roommate. The last one seemed the most preoccupying thing on the list. Was it a man? Did she eat well? Did she get along with them? Probably had gotten her a couple of fights, were they older? Was his Solecito safe?

It had been three years since she left home and pursue her superior studies and a professional soccer player career.

His mind was racing with the infinite questions and his stress gnawed at his chest, his phone buzzing interrupted his accelerating thoughts. He opened the message log and sighed in relief to see Gabriela's name on the screen.

He tapped at the message and his heart nearly melted at seeing Gabi with a goofy expression on her face, her hands making a V sign as she hovered over a small table set for two.

"Dinner time with Roomie~"

The caption read. The food looked delicious and esthetically pleasing at the eye. Nearly Michelin star awarded restaurant quality.

(Name) 's food is amazing! . Btw Im free next week, so come over, I miss you Papa.

Gabi had texted him some couple of hours later. (Name) ; at least he now knew that Gabi shared space with a woman. He didn't trust college guys at all. At least, he could sleep a bit better now. However, something had caught his attention, despite Gabi's competitive traits, she rarely loosened herself around others. And the picture only proved him right.

Gabi was unabashedly goofy and silly on the picture, with a genuine smile on her face. Whoever you were, he was grateful for making his most precious treasure comfortable and safe.

-----

The first time you met Gabi was quite the experience, you had just returned from work to find a lot of boxes loitering the entrance and part of the living room. Books, some baskets with soccer balls and equipment, Somw clothes and more books.

The burning smell immediately alerted you as smoke begun filling in the room. Rushing you opened the window and started to dissipate the smoke away with a towel.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry!" The young and tall woman panicked as she came out of the bathroom, body wrapped in a towel, just like her hair. Skin still sudsy with soap.

The chaos was tamed, leaving one of your favorite collectible pots, charred and useless.

"I'm really really sorry! I'll get you a new one."

"Don't you worry. Just... be careful. Don't leave the stove on when you are away. You could've burn the place down"

Gabi nodded sheepishly and looked down, when she noticed your chef uniform, the logo of a prestigious place she could only dream to afford in a couple of months and a place where he wanted to take her Papa as a surprise, standing out in your chest.

"Im (Name), the other tenant. Nice to meet you." Your voice was firm, yet kind. The kind of kindness that could insult anyone and still sound charming.

"Gabriela O'Hara. Sorry for your pot. I'll get you a new one"

"Ah stop it. It was just a family relic passed on generation to generation that now will end up in the trash."

You couldn't help but laugh at her panicking and guilty reaction.

"I'm just messing with you, sweetie. I got Ceci on a promo back at the supermarket. Don't worry. It's just a pot. We throw at least one daily at the restaurant. What were you trying to make anyways?"

Gabi didn't know if to be shocked or be laughing at your attitude. She settled for confused.

"Cause it smelled like cheap Mac and Cheese"

Her cheeks flushed and you just chuckled knowingly.

"Freshman?" Gabi nodded and you smiled almost endearingly at her.

"Such a cutie! I remember my first semester at college. Such a mess, terrible food and a terrible roommate"

"You're graduated?"

"A long time ago, yeah, Culinary school is something else. Don't get in there if you like having perfect skin."You chuckled and rolled up your sleeve, showing a few shares of scars and burn marks.

"Anyways, let's have a couple of rules okay? If you follow them, who knows? it can take us places." You grinned.

"No boys after 10 pm on weekends, and if you do, keep it low. Thin walls. Same applies to me, but don't worry about it. Im way too tired to actually do something about bringing my libido back."

Jeesh

Gabi's cheek flushed as her stomach fluttered anxiously.

"You can use my tools for cooking with the only condition to leave them clean and back at their place. Got it?"

She nodded at every reasonable rule you gave her. You had warned her that sometimes you'd be out of town due work, and that left her on charge of the place. It was brought to her attention that despite the place being small, it was conditioned enough to make it almost fancy looking. The kitchen specially.

Of course things just grew from there. At first Gabi was shocked to find you were a couple of years younger than her Papa. And that you had been single for quite a time now. Couple of years to be exact.

But that mattered little as her growing fondness for you was borderline adorable. You had helped her through some really bad times, like getting her a part time job at your workplace after being fired from the college coffee shop, something she never had the guts to tell Miguel.

Then you of course helping her out in her cooking skills, to at least stop eating plain ramen and packaged food bags.

"You're an athlete, you must feed like one."

"But I can't... afford it-"

"Uh uh. Shh." You shook your head and taught her to buy the right sort of meals even under a tight budget. Sometimes she would even find meals prepped for her whenever she had run short on money.

You were there when she got her first college date, and also were there when the young man turned out to be a fuckboy and a prick. Wiping her tears and feeding her a freshly made creme brule. A favorite of hers. You had also Dropped her and picked her up in her soccer practices whenever time allowed you so. She seeked guidance in you

She was there for you when depression was making it's way into your head, she was also there when she helped you to recover from a hang over after another failed date, and nursed you through your terrible period cramps. Even though sometimes harmony seemed disrupted by external causes, such as stress, work and feeling particularly wistful and blue, you'd always find comfort in eachother.

You were amazed by the fact that you realized that she was like the little girl you always dreamed to have.

"How come you don't have children?" Gabi had asked carefully. Despite the trust you hsd built over the years, there was some things you still couldn't bring yourself to discuss so openly, until now.

"I..."

"Sorry if I'm overstepping"

"Nah. I think it's time I actually come clean about some stuffs."

"Are you sure?" You nodded and sighed

"I can't have them"

Surprise drawed into Gabi's eyes as she stared at you.

"Infertility?"

"Yup. But... It's fine. I've come to terms with it, so..."

You trailed and she swallowed as her hand was placed above yours.

"For all it's worth? I'm sure you could have been an amazing mother."

Could have been

" To me, you... you are."

Gabi mumbled as tears swelled up in her eyes, threatening to fall. You stared at her, heart leaping in your chest

"Like... You are like the mother I never had... My Papa is amazing, but sometimes I actually yearn for a different kind of love." She hiccuped and you frowned, holding her closer.

"Like a mom. I want... I want to go shopping and talking about boys and how stupid they are. I want... to be cheered on by someone else at my games and not only my Papa."

Your heart felt breaking bit by bit as Gabi broke before you

"Don't get me wrong, I love Papa to death but... It's hard, y'know?"

"Ah, cariño." An endearment term you had learn from her, "You are such an amazing kid. Im sure that whoever comes into your life to take that spot needs to be amazing, because you're such a special young woman. Look at you, bright future ahead, smart, so so pretty and brave"

But Gabriela didn't want a stranger as her mother figure. She wanted you.

Gabi hid her face on your chest as you held her close, consoling her as much as you could. She remained there until she looked up at you with a suspicious glare

"Maybe I can introduce you to my dad" Your cheeks flushed bright red and she gasped, a bright bulb of an idea popping in her mind, sadness remnants vanishing from her body almost instantly

"No, Gabi, cariño-"

"You can meet him this weekend!"

"That's too soon, I am not prepared! Plus I have work remember?"

"He's staying all weekend, don't worry."

You had seen her adoring Papa through pictures she had showed you. The man was attractive, and looked certainly way too out of your league but of course you never told Gabi about it. You just shrugged it off with a 'Oh, cute'. But now that her plan was on set, you couldn't say no to her.

"Besides, I think it's time for you to actually meet guys. And this time no excuses like Im busy or stuff like that."

"Okay, okay. But if things don't work out-"

"I know, I'll drop it." Gabi rolled her eyes.

-----

Even though the recipe for a certain disaster was cooking, you tried to be optimistic about it. A bit of positive thinking wouldn't hurt you from time to time. However, your shift turned out a bit trickier than usual, since the restaurant had been reserved for a main event for important people.

In the little chance you had, you sent Gabi a little video of how crowded it was, and apologizing cause you didn't know if you were making a double shift and wouldn't be able to meet Papa.

Gabi just sent you a picture of the both with a "Miss you! Dad just came"

------

3 am. 3 am and you were finally done, no more stuck up clients pretending to love raw fish and meats, people that were just actually there for the food pictures and to be able to brag about they were there. Your feet ached, and so was your headache. The good thing was that the company allowed you to take some food home.

Keys tinkered as you grabbed them to finally turn them in the keyhole and entering home and closed the door, angry and heavy steps alerted you as the hulking figure of a man stood in the dark, as the dim lit red iris flashed at you. You had to crane your head up to meet his deep eyes.

Now you wondered where Gabi had came out so tall.

"H-Hello..." You gulped and he sighed, hard expression melting slowly.

"Sorry for... the late hour."

"No, no. Discúlpeme I mean, forgive me. Though someone had broke in, until I heard the keys a bit too late. I'm Miguel. O'Hara." He offered you his large hand that easily engulfed yours.

"Oh, so you're... Papa" you shook it gently. He was warm, and chuckled. "Im (Name). Gabi never stops talking about you." You gave him an amiable smile and put your containers on the dining table.

"Nice to meet you" you began unpacking, aligning the recipients carefully on the table.

"How's... Gabriela doing?" His deep voice snapped your focus for a moment and your eyes darted to his form. Sweatpants in grey, a white fitting shirt that snugged his form a bit too nicely for a short stare. Hair slicked back, pouty lips, thick brows and his deep... red eyes? He certainly was even more handsome in the flesh than in the pictures.

"Oh, she's amazing. Her practice in soccer has improved even more. She has a final next week."

His brow arched at how much information you knew about her.

"I apologize, she fell asleep in your room, despite me telling her that the couch would be-"

"Ah don't worry about it. My bed is big enough for two, and she isn't a kicker in her sleep. So make sure to rest properly. Oh! And welcome for the weekend. Would you like something to eat?"

Miguel shook his head and softly smiled at you. You were pretty. So so pretty that his mind was almost in shortcut when you were removing your chef robe, in the kitchen exposing a bit more of skin. Your left arm was adorned with little burn marks and cuts, you poured yourself a glass of wine when you felt his eyes on you.

"Want some?" You offered the wine and he nodded, a bit reluctant at first.

"Has Gabi acted out of place while I'm gone?" You giggled as you poured him some wine.

"If by out of place means sleeping one hour later than she is used to, yeah. She has." Your hands gave him the cup and he leaned on the table. Gabi groggily came out your room, lured away by the delicious smell of food.

"Hey" She mumbled and hugged Miguel and then hugged you, and remained with her arms around your waist. You kissed her forehead and she smiled.

Miguel entered in spectator mode.

"Hey, cupcake. Want some food?"

"Can I have it tomorrow?"

"Got you a Creme Brule." She grunted happily.

Gabi smiled and went through the bags, popping a chocolate coated strawberry on her mouth.

"Still, I'm too tired to actually eat. Got Papa and I some takeout."

"Takeout?! The good sort of thing I hope" Gabriela groaned as she made her way back to your room.

"Don't steal the fluffy sheets!"

"Yes, mom. Take a bath first, you smell like garlic." she mumbled and went to bed.

Your whole face was as red as a strawberry not because your smell, but for how she had called you, you gulped down the wine and sighed. Miguel stared at you and his chest couldn't help but constrict a little more.

" I apologize for that, Gabriela is..."

"Quite receptive to smells? Yeah."

"And she called you mom." He was more surprised about it than anything else.

"Ah hehe. Yeah, she had been calling me accidentally that a bit more often."

"Does it makes you feel uncomfortable?" He sipped his wine

"Not really. I find it cute. She eh... talked to me about growing up and how things had been for her."

"I must thank you. You have fed her, taken care of her and now even protect her."

"She's a great kid." You nodded proudly. "Couldn't find a better roomie, and a friend. You did a good job raising her, Papa."

Miguel cleared his throat and gave you a small smile.

"I hope she hasn't-"

"Relax, she's been nothing but a good kid all these years. You gotta trust her a bit more."

"It's the people around her that I don't trust"

"Ouch..."

"I mean, not that I dont... just... carajo." you giggled at his cursing as his brows knitted together

"I mean, my daughter trusts you enough to sleep in your bed, call you mom even, so... would be kinda dumb to say that you're a bad person... And I'm not making any sense right?"

You gave him a bashful smile and it was your turn to clear your throat.

"She's been busy at playing cupid. She thinks she is subtle..." You bit your lip and poured yourself a bit more of wine as Miguel rubbed his face, tiredly.

"What about, today at 7 pm?"

"At 7pm what?" He coked an eyebrow to you and Gabriela poked her head out of your room, sighing with exasperation.

"Por Dios pa, Te está invitando a salir!" (My god, Papa, she's asking you out.)

You just laughed and put the food in the fridge

"If you're up for it, that is. It's fine if you don't-"

"Make it at 8. Traffic has lowered by that hour."

"Alright." You smiled and took your chef coat with you.

"Sleep well, Papa."

He downed the remnants of his wine and smiled to himself. He had a date.

------—----

And a second, and a third and a fourth and a fifth. You were such an enjoyable being to hang around. You shared little silly texts, learnt a bit more spanish thanks to him to slowly bring down your language barrier. Even though you understood some words here and there, you wanted to understand so you could also feel part of the secret and long conversations the two O'Haras shared when it came to you.

Miguel was the first in making a move and kissed you around the fourth date. Nervous as you were, you finally felt good enough to just allow yourself to indulge in his company and what he had to offer. Great company, laughs, delicious make out sessions you didn't thought possible at your age.

Gabi had found you both eating each other's mouth in the livingroom

"Get a room!" She'd yell as she locked herself, headphones up her ears, but a beam in her face. Her chest swelled in joy knowing her cupid stunt had paid off.

--------

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah, pa. Like... She's the best. She's so sweet and... makes me happy cause you are happy."

"You'd be the only child, you're aware of that right?"

Gabi nodded upon remembering your words and your condition.

"Having a little sibling at this point would be awkward anyways."

"That doesn't mean I can't try-"

"Oh my god stop..." Gabi shook her head and Miguel smirked

"Payback for not telling me you were fired." She grunted as Miguel held her tightly.

"I think it's time to try something new."

"You'll ask her to marry you?!" Gabi gasped excited with a beam on her face

"Relax, Solecito. We're still knowing each other. And we wanna make sure that things work out before thinking in something so important as that."

"If you let her go, I promise that I won't talk to you again."

"Ouch."

--------

Bit by bit you had small milestones in your relationship with Miguel, you visiting his home back at New York, you staying a weekend in said home, you being introduced to his friends, sharing carneada with his friends, and of course, being found by Gabriela about to have sex, none of you mentioned it during dinner.

To make things even more convenient and better, your restaurant had opened a second branch in New York. Gabi was about to graduate college and of course, you both were saddened that soon you'll part ways. The both were too enraptured enjoying your mother-daughter relationship you had created that forgot about the future.

It didn't help to her sadness when you told her about you and other crew members of your work were selected for a three months workshop in France.

Despite your own sadness, both O'Haras cheered you to go.

"Three months is gonna be torture without you, but time goes so fast. You'll be back sooner than we expect it." Gabi had spoken. And of course, after her graduation, and a kiss goodbye, you flew to France.

Communication wasn't an issue since you talked every day. And still, the gnawing feeling of not being with them made you wish time to fly. You spoke every night with Miguel, telling him how much you have missed him. Even though work had kept you both busy enough, you'd always find a way to talk or text.

And when you came back? It felt like floating in a dream.

"Mom!" Gabriela rushed to you and crushed you in her arms, sniffling and holding you tightly.

"I missed you soo much, cariño." You kissed her forehead, Miguel joined a bit later with a rose bouquet on hand. He pulled you in for a deep kiss.

"Missed you, preciosa".

What sealed the deal for him was seeing you sharing a moment with Gabi. You were brushing her hair as you caught up eith the things you learned in France and how excited you were for them both to taste them.

He asked you to move in with them. And god he loved the feeling of you being around. Gabi was happy, he was happy and you were as well.

Everything about you had captured his heart. Your personality, your way to carry on things, the subtle ways you guided Gabriela without imposing in her autonomy, How much love you seemed to have for them, the delicious feeling of your skin against his on bed.

He proposed a year after. He wouldn't let you go, no no. You were too perfect for him, and a perfect Mom for Gabriela.

[gvnvks]

holding zb1 boys’ faces … !

> pairings: non-idol!zb1 x fem!reader

> warnings: lowercase intended, not proofread

> song recommendation: gladiator by jann

> note: thank yall sm for the notes on my latest post !! its really motivating 🫶🏻 im also working on a lot of requests rn + thinking about doing some smau so yall will be FED 💯 requests r still open but not for long, so if u want to request u need to be quick quick !!

김 jiwoong.

he’s soo confused

enjoys the touch, but can’t help but wonder if something happened for you to act like that

it’s literally not like y’all touch 25/8

nah but really

“what?” poor boy is soooo confused 😭

hides your hands in his

man is so giggly

he looks at his whole world and you look at your whole world

turns his head a little to kiss ur palm…

enough omgggg

장 hao.

homeboy freezes

like literally his whole body just straight up freezes

asks if you need something

he’s kinda embarrassed idk 😟

kiss his moles pls

his face will literally cover in blush

he’s so cute stop rn

he takes ur hand off of his face and leans in to kiss ur cheek girl bye

pls pls pls do it more often to him

성 hanbin.

has the BIGGEST grin EVER i swear to god

he goes a little “oh” and just giggles ……. lawd have mercy.

looks really deep into your eyes like y’all having some kind of a deep convo

like boy it ain’t that serious

but he’s just so in love omg

“you’re so cute” NAH HANBIN YOU’RE THE CUTE ONE HERE

he peppers ur face in little, feathery-like kisses

please where can i get boyfriend like this

he leaves some wet marks (😟) on ur forehead but you don’t mind cause he’s the most adorable human ever

석 matthew.

now bffr

he is the one to cup ur face every now and then

not u

but if the roles swapped one day and you’d be the one holding his face

boy would get so confused

cause girl what the hell are u even doing

like… it’s his job

nah but being fr now

he would be so happy 😭

like literally he would be full of the joys of spring for the rest of the day

he’s so grateful for u ‼️

girl u better keep this man

despite all that he probably has the calmest reaction of them all

probably cuz yall all lovey dovey on a daily basis n hes kinda used to it already

김 taerae.

okay now

he’s literally head over heels for you like

just as hanbin, he would simply go “oh”

has literal hearts in his eyes

and im not even joking

he just stares at you

with that wide smile of his

u can basically see if he brushed his teeth this morning 😭

he would brush his thumbs against ur palms… girl

his heart is literally pounding

have u ever seen a man that’s more in love than him

no u haven’t case closed

리키 ricky.

i know ricky may not seem like it

but i feel like he would be very affectionate

like

maybe not physically

but he will definitely assure you he loves you with his words

and also with gifts sometimes cuz young and rich and allat yk yk

so

when u place ur hands on the sides of his face

at first he gets really confused

then literally just melts into your touch

whispers some i love yous

kisses ur temple. thats what i said.

hes so shameless girl goodbye

hes just so lovable

김 gyuvin.

i dont know but i feel like he wouldn’t be that big on skinship?

i mean yeah of course he enjoys your touch but like

too much of it sometimes can overwhelm him

and you know that

but he was so cute and kissable today that u just couldn’t resist

and simply just

cupped his face

poor boy has never been more embarrassed in his whole entire existence

also the confusion added to it

cause like why so sudden

“are you okay?” NAH ARE YOU OKAY GYUVIN

pls kiss his nose… pls.

YOU CAN HEAR THE WAY HIS BREATH HITCHED

he will basically be embarrassed to look at you for the rest of the day

but don’t get him wrong tho

it’s because he’s so in love with u

박 gunwook.

okay now we’re talking

who would resist holding that pretty face of his

literally no one

asks the most random questions cause he’s so flustered 😭

“are u hungry” “am i missing our anniversary”

okay… its not like yall couple and can hold each other any time without particular reason 💯

takes ur hands and just

kisses your every finger

he goes like thumb *kiss*

index finger *kiss*

all the way to your pinky

also lightly bites on some of them cause he’s random like that

this is so cute

he’s so baby

한 yujin.

cute baby

very cute baby

squish his cheeks

he would be so dramatic if you’d do that 😭

“stop” AND HOMEBOY WOULD JUST GIVE YOU A BLANK STARE

but don’t stop tho pls he really didn’t mean that

he’s just so surprised by the sudden touch and like

he doesn’t know how to react

his heart just goes boom boom boom boom but like one million times faster

and you can tell by the way his ears and cheeks turned bright pink

but this shade really suits him

so do it more often pls

gvnvks © 2023

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

𝕿𝖜𝖎𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖉 𝕿𝖊𝖒𝖕𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓𝖘 | 3

read chapter 1 - here [MASTERLIST]

screencaps and gifs: Pinterest

Pairing: dark!Joel Miller x Fem!reader

Warnings/tags: MDNI 18+, DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, BLOOD, Auctioning people, talks of BDSM, talks of virginity, talks of... Sex..aftercare..limits..NDA..discomfort...virginity..masturbation..anxity, Dom and Sub dynamics, Drinking , food, kissing, making out, Joel starts to get a little obsessive or toxic, Partying THIS IS A WORK OF FICTION, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME

Summary: Finally 21 its time to celebrate in more ways than one.

WC: 6.8K

A/n: IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, In a week I've become an aunt and had crazy work shifts but I'm here and ready to deliver greatness my loves

For notifications follow - @sinful-mind-joyful-fics

It had been a week since you last saw Joel. He kept you up to date with messages and calls every so often, but he and Tommy had been super busy with a job site. You were still at your desk in your dorm, drawing in your sketchbook, when Faith burst in dramatically with balloons and a gift bag.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU, HAPPYYYYY BIRTHDAY!” Faith sang in a deep, raspy voice, pretending to be a jazz singer, making you laugh. “HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!” She put the stuff down and got down on her knees, taking your hand and making you laugh even harder. “My lovely hot best friend, 21 and as sexy as ever!” She dragged you up out of your chair. “A bar full of hot men is needed to celebrate now that you can drink legally.”

You couldn't help but smile at her infectious energy. “Faith, you’re crazy,” you said, but you let her pull you to your feet.

"Crazy about celebrating my best friend’s birthday!" Faith declared, grabbing your coat and practically shoving it into your hands with a gleeful urgency. "Come on, we’re hitting up the best dive bar in town. Drinks, dancing, and maybe a little bit of trouble!"

There was no way you could say no to Faith, especially not on your birthday. You hurried to get ready, slipping on your favorite dress—a deep blue number that hugged your curves in all the right places—and a pair of heels that gave you just the right amount of height. You quickly did your makeup, adding a touch of shimmer to your eyelids and a bold swipe of red lipstick.

As you both stepped out into the cool night air, you felt a mix of excitement and nervousness. It was your first time celebrating your birthday since you and Joel had started seeing each other, and the thought of him not knowing it was your birthday left a strange feeling in your chest. But tonight, you decided to focus on having fun with Faith.

The dive bar Faith chose was lively and buzzing with energy. Neon lights flickered, casting colorful glows across the room. The sound of laughter, clinking glasses, and upbeat music filled the air, creating an atmosphere that was both intoxicating and inviting.

“To the birthday girl!” Faith cheered, raising her glass.

“To a night of fun!” you replied, clinking your glass against hers before downing the shot. The burn of the alcohol was invigorating, and you felt yourself loosening up as the evening progressed.

As you sipped on your cocktail, Faith leaned in with a mischievous grin. “So, how’s it really going with Joel? Is he keeping up with your needs?”

You blushed, looking down at your drink. “It’s been... interesting. He’s supportive and kind, but sometimes it feels overwhelming. Like, I don’t know if I can keep up with everything he wants.”

Faith raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Is it the sex?”

You laughed nervously, shaking your head. “No, it’s more than that. It’s just everything happening so fast. I’m trying to adjust, but it’s not easy.”

Faith nodded understandingly. “I get it. It’s a lot to take in. But if anyone can handle it, it’s you. Just take it one day at a time.”

You smiled, feeling grateful for her support. “Thanks, Faith. I needed to hear that.”

Faith took a sip of her drink and gave you a probing look. “So, what are the rules with you and Joel? Like, are you exclusive or...?”

You hesitated, feeling a knot form in your stomach. “We don’t really have any rules. We never talked about it, so I don’t know what’s okay and what’s not. It’s confusing.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “Wait, you’re seeing this guy, and you don’t even know if you can flirt with other guys or not? That’s... kind of messed up.”

You bit your lip, feeling even more unsure. “I know. It’s just... everything’s been moving so fast, and with him being so busy, we haven’t had a chance to sit down and talk about it.”

Faith shook her head, a hint of frustration in her voice. “Girl, you need to get this sorted. You can’t just be in limbo, not knowing where you stand. It’s not fair to you.”

You sighed, swirling your drink. “I know. I just don’t want to pressure him, especially with everything going on. But at the same time, I need to know what’s okay and what’s not.”

Faith leaned in closer, her tone a mix of concern and determination. “You have to talk to him. Otherwise, you’re just going to drive yourself crazy. And if he can’t give you a straight answer, then maybe he’s not the right guy for you.”

You nodded, appreciating her honesty. “You’re right. I need to talk to him.”

Later, as you both sat at the bar, catching your breath, Faith nudged you playfully. “You know, Joel might be busy now, but he’ll come around. And when he does, he better make it up to you for missing your birthday.”

You chuckled, taking a sip of your drink. “He didn’t even know it was my birthday, Faith.”

Faith’s eyes widened in surprise. “What? Seriously? Oh man, we have to make sure he makes it up to you big time.”

You shrugged, trying to hide the small pang of disappointment. “It’s okay. He’s got a lot on his plate.”

“Well, tonight is about you,” Faith declared, raising her glass once more. “To you, and to the best year yet!” 

“To the best year yet,” you echoed, clinking your glass with hers. As you looked around the bar, filled with laughter and life, a renewed sense of determination welled up inside you. You would figure things out with Joel, one step at a time. But for now, you were going to enjoy your birthday, surrounded by the love and support of your best friend.

The night continued in a whirlwind of laughter, dancing, and drinks. The dive bar, with its pulsating music and dim neon lights, became a haven of freedom. Faith, ever the life of the party, had you dancing on tables and belting out karaoke songs with a fervor that had the entire bar cheering.

You laughed until your sides ached, twirling around the dance floor with Faith as your partner in crime. The world outside seemed to fade away, leaving only the vibrant, intoxicating atmosphere of the bar. Faith's infectious energy kept you going, her enthusiasm pushing you to let loose and embrace the moment.

“Another round!” Faith shouted, her voice slurring slightly as she ordered more shots. You both downed the fiery liquid, the alcohol coursing through your veins and amplifying the sense of reckless abandon.

Somewhere between the third and fourth shot, you found yourself on the dance floor, the music a throbbing backdrop to your blurry vision. Faith was right beside you, her arm around your shoulder as you both swayed to the rhythm.

“You know,” Faith said, her voice loud in your ear over the music, “we should call Joel. Get him down here to celebrate properly!”

You blinked, the thought swirling in your foggy mind. “Faith, he’s busy,” you managed to say, though the words felt heavy on your tongue.

Faith waved a dismissive hand. “Nonsense! He needs to be here! It’s your birthday, after all!” She fumbled for her phone, her fingers slipping on the screen.

“You sure?” you asked, the idea of Joel seeing you in such a state making you both nervous and excited. 

“Absolutely!” Faith declared, her determination unwavering despite her drunken state. She tapped away on her phone, her face illuminated by the screen. “There, message sent. Now we wait!”

As the minutes ticked by, you both continued to drink and laugh, the world around you becoming a blur of colors and sounds. Faith convinced you to join her in another round of shots, and you lost track of how many you had consumed.

The bar seemed to spin around you, and you clung to Faith, giggling uncontrollably. “I love you, Faith,” you slurred, the words coming out in a jumbled mess. “You’re the best friend ever.”

Faith grinned, her eyes equally glazed. “And I love you, birthday girl. This is the best night ever!” She raised her glass, though it wobbled in her grip. “To us!”

“To us!” you echoed, though your coordination was failing. The glasses clinked precariously, spilling some of the contents onto the bar.

Time became a haze, and the last thing you remembered was Faith’s voice, insistent and a bit more serious. “Okay, maybe we should... we should call Joel again. Make sure he knows... knows we need him.”

You nodded, though the movement made the room tilt. “Yeah, good idea.”

Faith tried to dial his number, her hands barely cooperating. After a few attempts, she thrust the phone into your hands. “You do it. I can’t... can’t see straight.”

With some effort, you managed to find Joel’s contact and hit call. The phone rang and rang, and just as you were about to give up, his voice came through, sounding distant and concerned.

“Hey?”

“Joel!” you practically shouted, your words slurring together. “We’re... we’re at the bar. You should come... come here.”

There was a pause on the other end, then Joel’s voice, a mixture of confusion and worry. “Are you okay? Where exactly are you?”

You turned to Faith, trying to remember the name of the bar. She mumbled something incoherent, and you relayed the message as best as you could. “We’re at... at the Dive Shack. Come celebrate... my birthday.”

“Alright,” Joel said, his voice firm. “Stay where you are. I’ll be there soon.”

The call ended, and you handed the phone back to Faith, a triumphant smile on your face. “He’s coming.”

Faith cheered, though it came out as more of a drunken squeal. “Joel to the rescue!”

As the night wore on, you and Faith continued your wild celebration, oblivious to the time or the curious glances from the other patrons. The bar seemed to tilt and spin, the neon lights blurring into streaks of color.

Eventually, you felt a pair of strong hands on your shoulders, steadying you. You turned to see Joel’s familiar face, his expression a mix of relief and mild exasperation.

“Alright, ladies,” he said, his voice gentle but firm. “Time to get you both home.”

Faith giggled, leaning heavily against him. “Joel! You made it! We were just... just talking about you.”

Joel shook his head, a small smile playing at his lips. “I can see that. Let’s get you both out of here.”

Joel managed to steer you and Faith out of the bar, his strong arms supporting both of you as you stumbled along the sidewalk. The cool night air was a stark contrast to the stuffy warmth of the bar, and it helped clear your head a little. 

Joel’s truck was parked nearby, and he carefully helped you into the passenger seat, making sure you were buckled in before turning his attention to Faith. She was swaying slightly, a goofy grin on her face as she leaned against the side of the truck.

“Faith, come on, let’s get you in the back seat,” Joel said, his voice gentle but firm.

Faith giggled, clumsily climbing into the back of the truck. “Joel, you’re such a hero,” she said, her words slurring together.

Joel sighed, shaking his head with a small smile. “Just doing what I can.”

Once you were both secured, Joel climbed into the driver’s seat and started the engine. The drive was quiet, the hum of the engine and the occasional murmurs from Faith the only sounds breaking the silence. You leaned your head against the window, the cool glass soothing your throbbing head.

When you arrived at Joel’s place, he carefully helped you both out of the truck and into the house. The familiar surroundings brought a sense of comfort, and you felt your body relax a little as Joel guided you inside.

“Alright, you two sit tight for a minute,” Joel said, helping you and Faith onto the couch. “I’m going to call Tommy to come pick up Faith.”

You nodded, your head feeling heavy as you leaned back against the cushions. Faith, however, had other ideas. As soon as Joel stepped into the other room to make the call, she quietly got up and made her way over to Joel’s mini bar.

“Faith, what are you doing?” you whispered, your voice barely above a murmur.

Faith grinned, her eyes gleaming with mischief. “Just one more drink to celebrate, okay? Joel’s got some good stuff here.”

You groaned, knowing this was a bad idea. “Faith, we’ve had enough.”

Faith ignored you, grabbing a bottle of whiskey and two glasses. She poured a generous amount into each glass and handed one to you. “Come on, just one more. For your birthday.”

You hesitated, but Faith’s infectious energy and the lingering effects of the alcohol made it hard to resist. You took the glass, clinking it against hers. “Just one more,” you agreed, taking a sip.

The burn of the whiskey was both familiar and comforting, and you felt a warmth spread through your chest. Faith giggled, taking another sip of her drink. “See? This is how you celebrate.”

Joel returned just as you were finishing your drink, his eyes widening in surprise. “Faith, seriously? More drinks?”

Faith shrugged, a playful smile on her face. “Just one more for the birthday girl.”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Alright, enough. Tommy’s on his way. Let’s just sit down and wait for him.”

He guided you both back to the couch, sitting down next to you and taking the glass from your hand. “You alright?” he asked, his voice soft and concerned.

You nodded, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and gratitude. “Yeah, I’m okay. Thanks, Joel.”

Joel gave you a reassuring smile, his hand gently squeezing yours. “Good. We’ll get Faith home, and then you can get some rest.”

A few minutes later, Tommy arrived, his expression a mix of amusement and concern as he took in the scene. “Looks like you two had quite the night,” he said, shaking his head with a grin.

Joel helped Faith up, guiding her towards Tommy. “She’s all yours. Thanks for coming to get her.”

Tommy chuckled, taking Faith’s arm. “No problem. You two get some rest.”

As Tommy and Faith left, Joel turned to you, his expression softening. Joel gently guided you to the couch, but the alcohol coursing through your veins made it difficult to stay quiet. As he pulled the covers up around you, the frustration and confusion of the past few weeks bubbled to the surface.

“Joel,” you began, your voice slurred but laced with bitterness. “Why are you so busy all the time?”

Joel paused, his hand lingering on the edge of the blanket. “You know how it is, the job site’s been hectic. But I’m here now.”

You shook your head, the room spinning slightly with the motion. “It’s not just tonight, Joel. It feels like you’re always too busy. I barely see you, and when I do, it’s like I’m just an afterthought.”

Joel’s expression tightened, his patience wearing thin. “I’m doing my best to make this work. Maybe you could try understanding that.”

You sat up suddenly, the alcohol making you bold and reckless. “It's not just that. It’s... it’s the contract. I can’t stop thinking about it. We never even talked about it.”

Joel’s brows furrowed in confusion. “The contract? What do you mean?”

You felt a surge of anger, your words spilling out in a rush. “I don’t know where I stand with you, Joel. Are we exclusive? Am I allowed to go out and flirt with other guys? I don’t even know the rules!”

Joel sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I thought we were on the same page. Do you really need everything spelled out for you?”

“How could we be on the same page when we haven’t even read the same book?” you shot back, your voice rising. “I need to know what’s okay and what’s not. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel’s face tightened with frustration. “We’re together, aren’t we? I thought that was clear. Do I really need to put it in writing for you?”

Your anger flared again, the alcohol amplifying your emotions. “You know what else I can’t stop thinking about? How you ate me out but haven’t even taken my virginity yet. What the hell is that about?”

Joel’s eyes widened in shock, and he stumbled over his words. “I... I didn’t want to rush you. I wanted to make sure you were ready.”

“Ready?” you snapped, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “We’ve been dancing around this for a month, Joel. Do you even want me, or am I just some project to you?”

Joel moved closer, his expression hardening. “Of course I want you. But you can’t have it both ways. One minute you’re saying I’m rushing you, the next you’re saying I’m not moving fast enough. Make up your mind.”

Tears of frustration welled up in your eyes, and you struggled to form coherent thoughts. “I don’t know what I want! I just know this... this isn’t working. I feel lost, Joel.”

Joel’s tone turned cold. “Maybe if you stopped overthinking everything and just let things happen, you’d be happier. But no, you have to question everything, complicate everything.”

You pulled away, feeling a mixture of anger and hurt. “I need clarity, Joel. I need to know what this is.”

“Fine,” Joel said, his voice flat. “We’re together. We’re exclusive. Happy now?”

You shook your head, feeling the room spin again. “It’s not that simple. I need to feel secure, to know you’re committed.”

Joel’s patience snapped. “I’m here, aren’t I? I’ve been trying to balance everything—work, you, my own life. But it’s never enough for you, is it?”

You bit your lip, the anger still simmering beneath the surface. “We need to figure this out, Joel. I need to know where I stand with you.”

Joel nodded curtly. “We will. But for now, get some rest. Maybe things will look different in the morning.”

You lay back down, the exhaustion and emotions finally overtaking you. Joel stayed by your side, but his presence felt more like a reminder of the tension between you than a comfort. As you drifted off to sleep, you couldn’t shake the feeling that things were far from resolved.

The sunlight streamed through the window, intensifying the pounding in your head. You groaned, trying to bury yourself deeper into the couch cushions, but it was no use. The hangover had its grip on you, and there was no escaping it.

Joel walked in, a smug grin on his face. “Good morning, sunshine,” he said, his voice dripping with amusement.

You squinted up at him, your head feeling like it was being squeezed in a vise. “What time is it?” you mumbled.

“Almost noon,” Joel replied, handing you a glass of water and some painkillers. “Thought you might need these.”

You took them gratefully, gulping down the water. “Thanks. I feel like death.”

Joel chuckled, sitting down next to you. “I’m not surprised. You drank enough to knock out a linebacker last night. I didn’t know you had such a high tolerance.”

You winced, trying to piece together the events of the previous night. “Yeah, well, I don’t usually drink like that. Guess I found my limit.”

Joel’s grin widened. “You found it alright. But hey, at least you can finally drink legally now. No more sneaking around.”

You managed a weak smile, the corners of your mouth lifting slightly. “True. One perk of turning 21.”

Joel’s expression turned more serious, but there was a glint of amusement in his eyes. “So, how much do you remember about last night?”

You frowned, trying to sift through the hazy memories. “Bits and pieces. I remember Faith dragging me to a bar and us having a few too many drinks. After that, it’s kind of a blur.”

Joel leaned back, crossing his arms. “Interesting. You were pretty chatty last night. Said some things you might not remember.”

Your heart sank, a sense of dread creeping in. “Like what?”

Joel’s grin returned, a bit too gleeful for your liking. “Oh, you know, just some deep, heartfelt confessions about our relationship. But don’t worry, nothing too serious.”

You stared at him, trying to gauge his expression. “What do you mean?”

Joel shrugged, still grinning. “You were just really honest about how you’ve been feeling. But it’s fine, we can talk about it later when you’re feeling better.”

You felt a surge of anxiety. “Joel, please, just tell me what I said.”

Joel laughed softly, patting your hand. “Relax, it’s nothing bad. You were just a bit emotional, that’s all. It was actually kind of cute. I’ll tell you all about it once you’ve recovered.”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I’m never drinking that much again.”

Joel leaned in, his tone turning teasing. “Well, now you know your limit. And hey, at least you got all those feelings out in the open. Maybe it’s a good thing.”

You peered up at him through your fingers, feeling a mix of embarrassment and curiosity. “I guess so. But can we just pretend last night didn’t happen?”

Joel smirked, shaking his head. “No can do. But don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you. Just try to remember next time that you’re a lightweight.”

You managed a weak laugh, the tension easing slightly. “Deal. And thanks for taking care of me last night.”

Joel’s expression softened, and he reached out to squeeze your hand. “Anytime. Now, let’s get you something to eat. You’ll feel better with some food in your system.”

It had been a few days since the night out with Faith and the unexpected, blurry encounter with Joel. Life resumed its usual pace, filled with classes, assignments, and late-night study sessions. Despite trying to focus, your mind often drifted back to that night. You hadn’t seen Joel since then, but he had been texting sporadically, his messages lacking their usual warmth and enthusiasm. Something felt off, and you couldn’t shake the feeling that things had shifted between you.

You were at your desk, working on a school assignment, when Faith barged into your dorm room with her usual energy. “Hey, birthday girl! How’s it going?”

You looked up from your laptop, managing a small smile. “Hey, Faith. Just drowning in work as usual.”

Faith flopped onto your bed, propping herself up on her elbows. “Well, I’m here to rescue you. We need to talk about your birthday night and what’s been going on since then.”

You sighed, setting aside your laptop. “Honestly, it’s been weird. Joel’s been acting kind of distant. I don’t know if it’s because of something I did or what.”

Faith’s eyes widened with interest. “Spill the details. What happened after we called him to pick us up?”

You frowned, trying to piece together the foggy memories. “I remember arguing with him, but it’s all a blur. I was pretty drunk, and I don’t remember everything I said.”

Faith sat up, a serious expression on her face. “Do you think you said something that upset him?”

You shrugged, feeling a knot of worry in your stomach. “Maybe. But he hasn’t mentioned it. He’s just been... odd. Like, he’s texting me, but it feels different. Distant.”

Faith pursed her lips, thinking. “Have you tried talking to him about it?”

“No,” you admitted, running a hand through your hair. “I don’t even know where to start. I’m not sure if he’s mad at me or if something else is going on.”

Faith stood up, determination in her eyes. “Well, let’s get you out of this funk. How about we go out for a coffee or something? Clear your head?”

You nodded, grateful for the distraction. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

As you both grabbed your coats and headed out, you couldn’t help but feel a pang of anxiety. What if things were changing with Joel? You pushed the thought aside, focusing on Faith’s chatter as you walked to the nearby café.

The café was cozy, with the comforting aroma of coffee beans and soft background music. You and Faith found a corner table, and she immediately launched into a story about her latest class project, making you laugh and momentarily forget your worries.

Midway through your latte, your phone buzzed with a message. You glanced at the screen and saw it was from Joel.

“Finished the big project. Want to celebrate tonight? Dinner at 7?”

You stared at the message, a mix of relief and apprehension washing over you. Before you could respond, Faith leaned over to read the screen.

“Ooh, dinner date! Looks like he wants to make things right,” she said, winking.

You bit your lip, unsure. “I don’t know. What if it’s awkward?”

Faith waved her hand dismissively. “Just go. Talk things out. And if he’s being weird, call him out on it. You deserve to know what’s going on.”

With Faith’s encouragement, you texted back.

“Sure. 7 sounds good. See you then.”

Joel responded quickly.

“Great. I’ll pick you up”.

You spent the rest of the afternoon working on your assignment, though your mind kept drifting to the upcoming dinner. As the clock ticked closer to 7, Faith took charge, helping you pick out an outfit and doing your hair.

“You look amazing,” she said, stepping back to admire her work. “Joel’s going to kick himself for acting weird.”

You smiled, though the nerves in your stomach hadn’t eased. “Thanks, Faith. I just hope we can clear the air tonight.”

When Joel arrived, he was dressed sharply, holding a bouquet of flowers that added a touch of elegance to the evening. You felt a flicker of hope at the sight, though the cautious tension between you was hard to ignore.

The restaurant he chose was upscale, with dim lighting and a sophisticated ambiance. As you both settled into a corner table, Joel ordered a bottle of red wine. The waiter asked for your ID, and you fumbled slightly before handing it over. Joel, of course, wasn’t IDed, which made you feel a bit self-conscious.

Once the waiter left, Joel leaned back in his chair, giving you a warm smile. “You look amazing tonight,” he said, his tone light and flirtatious.

“Thanks,” you replied, returning the smile. “You look pretty good yourself.”

The wine arrived, and the waiter poured two glasses. Joel raised his glass. “To finishing projects and new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” you echoed, clinking your glass against his. The wine was rich and smooth, and the warmth spread through you as you took a sip.

Joel’s demeanor was celebratory, almost too much so. He didn’t mention the argument from your birthday, acting as if nothing had happened. His eyes sparkled with a mix of mischief and charm, and you couldn’t help but be drawn in despite the lingering tension.

The conversation meandered through light topics—work, mutual friends, plans for the summer. You found yourself relaxing slightly, the wine helping to ease your nerves. Joel was attentive and flirty, his hand occasionally brushing yours, his eyes lingering on you a moment longer than usual.

Halfway through the meal, Joel reached into his wallet and pulled out a check, casually placing it on the table. Your eyes widened as you saw the amount—$300,000, the payment from the auction. You almost choked on your wine.

“Joel, what’s this?” you asked, your voice a mix of surprise and confusion.

He shrugged, a small smile playing on his lips. “It’s the payment from the auction. I thought you should see it.”

You stared at the check, feeling a mix of awe and uncertainty. “That’s a lot of money.”

“It is,” he agreed, taking another sip of his wine. “But it’s for us. To help us start something new. I didn’t want it to be about the money. I wanted it to be about us.”

You nodded, still processing the magnitude of the situation. “This is... overwhelming.”

Joel reached across the table, taking your hand. “I know. But we’ll figure it out together.”

The rest of the dinner passed in a blur of delicious food and comfortable conversation. Joel’s attentiveness and charm made it easy to forget the argument from your birthday, though a part of you still felt a lingering unease.

As dessert arrived, Joel leaned in, his expression turning more serious. “I’ve been thinking a lot about us,” he began, his eyes searching yours. “I know things have been intense, and I’ve been busy, but I want you to know that I’m serious about this. About us.”

You nodded, feeling a mixture of anticipation and anxiety. “I’ve been thinking a lot too.”

Joel took a deep breath, his gaze steady. “I want you to move in with me. I think it’s the next step for us.”

The proposition hung in the air between you. Your mind raced with thoughts and feelings. “Move in with you?” you echoed, trying to process the idea.

“Yeah,” Joel said, his tone earnest. “I know it’s a big step, but I want to build a life with you. I want to come home to you.”

You looked down at your hands, your mind spinning. “Joel, we’ve only known each other for a month. This is all so fast.”

He nodded, understanding. “I know it’s fast, but sometimes you just know, you know? And I know I want this. I want you.”

You bit your lip, feeling a mix of fear and excitement. “I don’t know, Joel. It’s a lot to take in.”

He squeezed your hand gently. “Take your time to think about it. There’s no rush. I just wanted you to know how I feel.”

You nodded, appreciating his patience. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”

As Joel walked you back to your dorm room door after dinner, the air between you was charged with a mix of anticipation and lingering tension. When you reached your door, you turned to him with a playful grin.

"You know, Joel, you've seen your home, but you haven't seen mine yet."

Joel chuckled softly. "True enough. Lead the way."

Entering your dorm, you gestured around the cozy space filled with art supplies, books, and posters of your favorite artists. "Sorry for the mess," you said, feeling a bit self-conscious.

"It's not a mess," Joel reassured you, looking around with interest. "It's... lived-in."

You chuckled. "Lived-in, exactly."

Joel wandered over to your desk, where your sketchbook lay open with various drawings scattered across the pages. He picked up the sketchbook and flipped through it, admiring your talent.

"I didn't know you were this talented," he remarked, his voice soft with genuine admiration.

Blushing slightly, you replied, "Thanks. Drawing helps me unwind."

Joel nodded, setting the sketchbook down and turning to face you. "I meant what I said earlier. I want us to figure things out together."

You nodded in agreement, feeling a rush of emotions. "I want that too."

Taking a deep breath, you moved to your dresser, grabbing a comfortable T-shirt and leggings to change into. "I'll be right back," you said, disappearing into the bathroom for a moment.

When you returned, Joel was sitting on the edge of your bed, holding your sketchbook. He had ripped a blank page from it, now studying it with a thoughtful expression.

"What's that?" you asked, stepping closer.

Joel looked up, a slight smile playing on his lips. "I found a blank page and thought I'd leave you a note."

You smiled warmly, touched by the gesture. "Thank you," you murmured.

Joel set the sketchbook aside and patted the space beside him on the bed. "Come here."

You joined him, sitting close enough that your shoulders brushed. There was a comfortable silence between you, a sense of closeness and understanding that felt reassuring.

As Joel sat on your bed, he looked at you with a playful glint in his eyes. "You know, there are a few things I've been thinking about," he began, his tone light and teasing.

You raised an eyebrow, curious and a bit apprehensive. "Oh?"

Joel grinned and reached into his pocket, pulling out a small piece of paper. "I made a little list," he confessed, handing it to you.

You took the paper, unfolding it to reveal Joel's neat handwriting. It listed a few bullet points, clearly meant as a mini contract, to outline your relationship's next steps and boundaries without overwhelming you :

1. Take your virginity – When you're ready, we'll take this step together.

2. Try a new restaurant every month – To explore and enjoy new experiences together.

3. Teach you how to play guitar – Sharing a passion and learning something new.

4. Move in with me – Start our life together in my place.

5. Exclusivity – We are committed to each other, no dating or flirting with others.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

You nodded, feeling a sense of relief mixed with anticipation. "I appreciate this, Joel. It makes things clearer."

Joel leaned in, his tone becoming more playful. "And remember, these are just starting points. We can add or adjust as we go along. The important thing is that we communicate and take things at our own pace."

You felt a smile spread across your face, the tension easing as you considered the list. "I like that," you said, feeling more confident about your future together.

You looked up at Joel, feeling a mix of emotions. He smiled warmly, his voice soft but firm. "I thought this might help us both know where we stand and what we're looking forward to. No pressure, just a guideline."

As you processed his words, Joel's hand gently cupped your cheek, his thumb brushing softly against your skin. "You look stunning tonight," he murmured, his eyes locked onto yours.

A blush crept up your cheeks as you smiled shyly. "Thanks, Joel."

He leaned closer, his breath warm against your lips. "I can't stop thinking about you," he whispered, his voice filled with a mix of desire and affection. "Every moment we're apart feels like an eternity."

Your heart raced as Joel's lips hovered just inches from yours. You could feel the magnetic pull between you, drawing you closer together. Unable to resist any longer, you closed the gap, your lips meeting in a tender, passionate kiss.

Joel's arms wrapped around you, pulling you closer as the kiss deepened. His hand tangled in your hair, while his other hand trailed down your back, sending shivers through your body. You responded eagerly, your hands exploring his broad shoulders and strong back.

As the kiss grew more intense, Joel's playful side emerged. He nipped at your lower lip, making you gasp. "You're driving me crazy, you know that?" he said with a grin, his voice husky with desire.

You laughed softly, feeling emboldened by his flirty demeanor. "Good," you whispered, your lips brushing against his as you spoke. "Because you're driving me crazy too."

Joel's eyes sparkled with mischief as he captured your lips again, this time with more urgency. The room seemed to fade away as you lost yourselves in each other, the connection between you growing stronger with every passing second.

The air between you and Joel grew thick with anticipation, his eyes darkening with desire. His hands roamed your body, fingers tracing the curve of your waist as he pulled you closer. Your breaths mingled, the heat building between you with every passing second.

Joel's lips moved from your mouth to your neck, planting a trail of hot, open-mouthed kisses along your skin. You gasped, your hands gripping his shoulders tightly. His touch was electrifying, sending waves of pleasure through your body.

"Joel," you whispered, your voice trembling with both excitement and need. His response was a low growl, his hands moving to the hem of your shirt, lifting it slightly to expose more of your skin.

Just as things were about to escalate further, the door suddenly swung open, and Faith barged in. "Hey, I was just—" She stopped abruptly, her eyes wide as she took in the scene before her. A mischievous giggle escaped her lips, and she quickly shut the door. "Oops, sorry!" she called out from the hallway.

The interruption brought you both back to reality. Joel sighed, resting his forehead against yours. "Seems like we have terrible timing," he said with a chuckle, though his eyes still burned with unfulfilled desire.

You laughed softly, feeling a mix of frustration and amusement. "Yeah, you could say that."

Joel pulled back slightly, his hands still resting on your waist. "We’ll have our moment, don’t worry," he reassured you, his voice tender. "But I should probably get going now. We don’t want to give Faith any more reason to gossip."

You nodded, feeling a pang of disappointment but understanding the situation. Joel pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before stepping back. "Text me later, okay?" he said, giving you one last lingering look before he left.

As soon as the door closed behind him, Faith burst back into the room, her eyes gleaming with curiosity. "Oh my God, what did I just walk in on?" she exclaimed, flopping onto your bed with a dramatic sigh.

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide your embarrassment. "Nothing, Faith. Just... a moment."

"Just a moment?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow. "Looked like a pretty steamy moment to me. Come on, spill. What were you two up to?"

You sighed, sitting down next to her. "We were just talking, and things got a little... heated."

Faith's eyes widened with excitement. "Heated, huh? So, did you two...?"

"No!" you interrupted quickly, blushing furiously. "It didn’t go that far. You interrupted us, remember?"

Faith giggled, not looking the least bit sorry. "Well, you’re welcome for saving you from potential awkwardness. But seriously, how was it? Joel seems like he’d be a great kisser."

You couldn't help but smile at the memory. "He is," you admitted softly. "He’s... amazing."

Faith smirked, nudging you playfully. "Sounds like you’re really falling for him. But just be careful, okay? He’s got that whole mysterious, brooding thing going on. Make sure you know what you’re getting into."

You nodded, appreciating her concern. "I will, Faith. Thanks."

Faith leaned back, propping herself up on her elbows. "So, what’s next? You two planning another hot makeout session?"

You laughed, shaking your head. "I don’t know. We’re taking things one step at a time."

Faith grinned, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Well, just make sure to give me a heads-up next time. I’d hate to walk in on another 'moment.'"

You laughed again, feeling a sense of relief and camaraderie. "I’ll do my best," you promised, grateful for her nosy but well-meaning presence.

As you and Faith continued to chat, your phone buzzed with a new message. Glancing at the screen, you saw Joel's name and felt a flutter of excitement and curiosity.

“Hey, I wanted to make it up to you for missing your birthday. How about a trip next weekend? Don’t worry about the details, just clear your schedule.”

You felt a rush of emotions, a mix of anticipation and relief. Joel was always full of surprises, and this gesture felt particularly significant after the rocky patch you’d been navigating.

"Who’s that?" Faith asked, peering over your shoulder with a grin.

"It’s Joel," you replied, a smile creeping onto your face. "He wants to take me on a trip next weekend. He said not to worry about the details and just clear my schedule."

Faith’s eyes lit up with excitement. "Ooh, a romantic getaway! Sounds like he’s trying to make up for missing your birthday. That’s so sweet!"

You nodded, feeling a warm glow of happiness. "Yeah, it is. I guess he really does want to make things right."

Faith nudged you playfully. "So, where do you think he’s taking you? Somewhere exotic? A cozy cabin in the woods?"

You shrugged, a dreamy look in your eyes. "I have no idea. Knowing Joel, it could be anywhere. He loves surprises."

Faith grinned, clearly enjoying your excitement. "Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Just make sure to take lots of pictures and tell me all about it when you get back."

You laughed, feeling a sense of gratitude for her enthusiasm. "I will. Thanks for always being so supportive, Faith."

"Anytime, girl," she said, giving you a reassuring hug. "Now, let’s get you ready for this trip. We need to pick out the perfect outfits and make sure you’re prepared for anything."

[catmask]

loving to make art and making art that is loved is good enough reason on it’s own to create and post the things you make. In the world we live in now we need silly fun, like silly doodles to look at that serve no bigger purpose than just “because”.

Sometimes that art made just “because” and just because it’s fun and makes you happy probably has the ability to make someone really inspired or lift their day after a grueling job or a family tragedy, people need more silly drawings in their life made just “because”.

you’re doing great, promise. ^^

thank you!! i know this in my heart too, its difficult because its something i believe for other people, and i even believe it for myself in *most* instances, but sometimes i get scared other people wouldnt agree and look for a reason to tear me down.

so when that happens, why i often focus on learning something new is because worrying about other people like that tells me i dont respect myself enough. i need to work at becoming someone i can be proud of, without constantly wondering or looking for other peoples approval/worried they might be right and i dont deserve the space i take up.

instead of just affirming myself over and over aimlessly without it working, i try to use that nervous energy as a drive and by the end it pays off/i usually end up a lot more satisfied. its something it took me awhile to learn but im really grateful i did.

and again, thank you!! i really appreciate it, even if sometimes when my brains being mean it silences all the nice things people say/share with me. im doing better to remember them at times like that.

[dreadnought-despair]

hey y'all yeah this is the post you think it is

after two official tries and several unposted attempts over the course of almost 8 years, i think im calling dreadnought despair, er... mostly dead? BUT im bringing this blog back! ill be picking stuff to answer from the askbox (keep in mind i have a job and im getting old lol) as well as just drawing the kids bc i miss them

i also feel pretty bad about where i left off, so i'm considering finishing out chapter 1 (if i can remember how i had all the code set up 😬) but it would take A While. so heres a poll

more of an explanation under the cut. if you want to see what else I've been up to, check out my art blog @amelias-art and my twitch [AmeliasArt], where i've started streaming pretty regularly on tuesdays and thursdays around 7pm CST!

im sure this cancellation isn't a surprise to anyone but i just wanted to get this out there for my own peace of mind

it has nothing to do with the wonderful folks who supported me through the years and everything to do with my mental health, getting older, and frankly poor story planning. it's a classic case of a project that never had a strong outline and thus ballooned in scope as it went-- you'll see what i mean when i start trying to answer asks about what would've been the endgame LOL. and ill do my best to answer some stuff, but there are some unintroduced concepts and characters that i would like to save for other stories so i may be vague about parts of it

even if it was masterfully planned, though, it still would've been hard to really pick up again-- I started this fic in college when I was at my most suicidal, and the reboot happened in 2020 which, well anyway,, im in a better place now with a loving husband, a stable job, a healthier relationship with my queerness, and multiple mental health diagnoses and medications. im proud of what i did accomplish with dreadnought, and im grateful to it and the community for getting me through some miserable times, but it's still a reminder of those times in and of itself. maybe by officially shelving it i can move on

thank you so much for sticking around! it really means a lot to me