#i really REALLY like the stuff about grandpa harley being the one to look out for bro and mom i think that's really interesting

[davestriderpostscratch]

the worst part about the skaianet docs is that there actually was some good stuff in there but there was enough incomprehensible borderline offensive bullshit to completely negate any value

[homestuckreplay]

its time......................... to GET my pour on

(page 980-983 & SBAHJ 8)

^ I’ve been a lot more attuned to parallels between John and Jade since getting an ask about it a while back, and their identical victory dances are a very cute one. Check out these absolute goofballs. <3

First and most importantly, the eighth instalment of Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff (/sbahj/8 in the Collection) was posted on around November 29. I just read it today, and it features either Sweet Bro or Hella Jeff trying to pour a glass of milk and struggling to tilt the carton enough, while the other watches through the window and then laughs at a squirrel’s giant acorn. The milk carton features a jpeg of a guy in a helmet who I can’t place, but who looks like something out of GameBro or Grand Snack Fuckyeah.

The squirrel has appeared before in SBAHJ #4, which was also the other strip to incorporate edited photographs, with a picture of Barack Obama. In many ways, #8 is a direct sequel to #4, as both feature the blue character looking through a window, and both feature the squirrel with some kind of treasure. It’s cool to see Dave growing as an artist by establishing these consistent character traits, but out of universe, #8 doesn’t appear to relate to anything happening in Homestuck at this time.

Back in Homestuck itself is the real Jade strife animation, set to the great track ‘An Unbreakable Union’. Bec, we learn, is a dog crackling with lightning and radioactive green energy, who constantly warps in and out of space (?). So the radioactive nutrients in the irradiated steak are probably good for him, and Jade is just caring for his needs the same way he cares for her - she seems very comfortable with his weirdness, which must be a daily occurrence for her.

Bec’s drawn in the same stark, eyeless outline style as John’s dad, Rose’s mom, and Dave’s bro. Due to his design, his being alive, his strife with Jade and his care for her afterwards, Bec seems to have filled the guardian role since Grandpa Harley’s death. This makes him the only guardian with an actual name. This could indicate that Jade has a genuine understanding of Bec, seeing him as he actually is, not as the idea of an authority figure.

The strife itself (p.980) is interactive, but linear. Each round has only one option, always beginning with AR (a nod to Jade’s rifle). We can click that option, and then gain access to Jade’s gun. Clicking on or close to Bec shoots a bullet, while clicking elsewhere does nothing. This happens four times, and on the fifth and final winning round, Jade controls the gun herself after we click the command. Unlike the sylladex escapade (p.808-812), this is a case of Jade and the player working in harmony.

But some pretty weird stuff happens to Bec during the fight.

ARRAIGN. Bec vaporizes this bullet and is unaffected.

ARSENALIZE. Bec turns into a green radioactive energy field. Both Jade and Bec become really small, jump onto the bullet, and ride it to the other side of the island.

ARTILLERATE. Bec becomes a galaxy; he and Jade apparently travel through deep space back into the Milky Way, onto Earth, and land on the frog statue.

ARMAMENTIFY. The screen turns black while a Bec-shaped silhouette of Jade’s island remains. Scenes from John, Rose, Dave and Jade’s stories flash by on the black space while Bec’s silhouette remains.

ARF. Jade shoots away from Bec, playing fetch, and grabs the blue package while he chases the bullet. Bec catches it in his mouth, runs back to Jade and drops it on the ground. She tosses him the irradiated steak. They both hug and celebrate.

Bec is a good boy but he also has far more extensive powers than Jade’s, which makes me wonder if he’s ‘from’ Skaia the same way WV and PM are from the ominous and luminous planets. A regular creature living on this island probably wouldn’t get this powerful. In fact, Bec might be the source of Jade’s powers – if his body can turn into a portal and can cause visions of other characters, Jade could be prognosticating by looking through Bec. Jade definitely doesn’t have control over Bec’s powers, and I’m not sure Bec does either. However he came to it, he feels like a passive yet deadly nuclear power source that acts instinctively, with no intent beyond the dog desires of ‘play’ and ‘protect’. If Bec was an advanced intelligence he’d never fall for a ‘go fetch’.

Jade then falls asleep near the frog statue, and Bec picks her up and carries her to bed, tucking her in so gently. Good dog. Best friend. It is probably the most wholesome dynamic between any two characters in Homestuck, and it’s sweet to see Jade interact with her living pet so soon after Rose’s bittersweet reunion with her dead one. Andrew Hussie recently did a Q&A with MSPA community members which has some cool stuff in it. Here’s one excerpt:

The wild and unusual commands are the ones that really make it feel like a gaggle of whimsical readers is in charge, imbuing the narrative with a sense of freedom, a feeling that the hero could do truly anything. The essence of freedom in this sense is the uncompromising subjugation of restraint. It is possible that this is also the exact opposite of what a good story requires! [full interview here; emphasis mine]

Homestuck does have that whimsical, anything could happen feeling to it, but it does also have this really earnest core of themes that are common to a lot of stories – family relationships being one of the biggest. It’s unexpected that Jade’s pet is a dimension warping dog but beneath the outracing bullets and radioactive steaks is a relationship that’s no different to one in Marley & Me. So it’s interesting to know that there is a conscious effort to keep this story recognizable in some ways, even while it’s very experimental in others.

So now we’ve seen all four guardian strifes, and can lay out some quick comparisons! John (p.90), Rose (p.388) and Dave (p.836), all fighting humans, were overcoming an obstacle and facing hostility, while Jade (p.980), fighting a dog, was playing a game. John and Jade were trying to collect a package, John and Dave were trying to collect Sburb Beta discs, and Rose was trying to leave the house and reconnect to Sburb. John and Rose’s strifes contain the same music they played on their instruments – ‘Showtime’ and ‘Aggrieve’ – while Dave and Jade’s have brand new music tracks.

John, Rose and Jade all have interactive strifes, where A-command words can be selected in any order (John, Rose) or linearly (Jade) by the reader, before a non-interactive ending. Dave’s strife is not interactive, as his bro destroys the command menu. This suggests to me that while Jade is the most aware of the fourth wall out of the kids, Bro is most aware out of the guardians. But more generally, the differences keep the story fresh. It’s playing with patterns instead of working to formulas, being actively written instead of churned out like a sitcom episode. I think that contributes to it feeling like something to be a part of, not just something to passively read.

> Jade: Wake up and open your birthday present!

[homestuckconfession]

one thing that really bugs me about hsbc is that roxy is canonically transfem in hs (you can find posts about it here on tumblr, it’s not terribly overt but it’s there and clearly written in if you look at her introduction + meta posts from hussie about the chumhandles and how they were chosen) and that’s being seemingly rewritten :/ i don’t like detrans roxy and im not sorry about it (the glasses fuck hard though and those should absolutely stay)

Coming out of the tags because I am against misinformation--Care to actually provide a link? Because I literally never find anything when I search, and whenever I have asked someone for proof directly, they just went on and on about symbolism with no hard evidence and then admit that there's actually no evidence at all when pressed. Don't get me wrong, I believe that Hussie did intentionally fuck around with gender stuff with the alpha kids, but all the same things that people say support transfem Roxy just as strongly supports a transmasc Dirk, yet nobody's insisting it's canon and going out harassing the postcanon crew for Dirk struggling with pronoun changes and making casual references to his penis.

Relying on symbolism as proof is literally how you get people saying bullshit like "Grandpa Harley raped baby Jade and that the resultant inbred baby died in her arms" and literally fully believing it's 100% canon no matter how much evidence there is against it because of belief perseverance and confirmation bias. By the way, that's a real theory made by a real homestuck analyst.

[pacthesis]

mercedes' diamond

one is 3 bucks and one is a family heirloom

this is lore about a rock

i got pizza man's grandma’s engagement ring

actually ordered the $3 ring for our vietnamese engagement tea ceremony but his mom casually gave me her mom’s ring and pizza man paid to get it resized 😭🥺 (thought my ring size was 4 for years but turns out its 3.25) 🫣

the resizing costed like 200 bucks but i did tell pizza man like 7 years ago "i don't care what the ring costs as long as its not over three digits" 😤

even though pizza man has 3 siblings and a bunch of cousins- none of em wanted mercedes' diamond

most of em ended up getting diamonds like the width of my finger lol

it might be cursed though- most of the kids don't really know her cause she kicked the bucket young 🫣

grandpa actually proposed with a smaller diamond but after he saved up enough he got her this bigger one! so this rock is his hard work!! 😤

annoying ppl can call me small or whatever but i will not accept any comments that suggest or imply that the size of this rock is not huge haha

my mom was thinking my fingers are the size they are now but thinks i still got some growing to do- so she also casually gave me HER engagement ring in case i need a bigger one to wear someday 🤣

i’ve always been a big fan of cz/costume jewelry but i was also gifted/inherited more regalia/pieces from my moms and grandmas for the upcoming tea ceremony

after getting a closer look at what diamonds look like- i found the quickest way for me to tell the difference between cz vs diamond with just my naked eye is lookin at the center: dark edges/shapes = prob cz i guess

my mom also gave me her fav jade bracelet! 🥺🫣

looking at all these pieces that were well loved by ladies in my life i thought "guess i don't got a diamond with my name but thats ok" but then remembered wait haha yes i do

but i'll never own it

on my 1st birthday my mom got a ring made using my baby finger

its on a chain because my mom wants whoever i marry to wear it close to their heart

if anyone deserves my diamond its pizza man

told my mom he's cared about my well being long before we got together and still cared for me when we weren't dating and i was zero percent interested and walked away

all he's ever wanted was just for me to have a good life

before any of this i actually forgot about the necklace but now everyone knows if they become the champion devoter of me they get a shiny token like how wrestlers fight for those title belts 🤣

my sibling also has a ring necklace but a champion has already been declared and its just the two of us so no more special necklaces up for grabs

anyway all this stuff bout engagement rings reminded me of this puny detail in my comic showing how harley got a heart shaped ring just tells me everything i could ever know about a him lol

[thewertsearch]

Asks Comp 13/4

I think he's behind that door. The platform bears his symbol, and it's his final chance to show up in-game.

The best theory I have is that Bilious Slick is the god of Sgrub, and he only appears to a party of Players who have truly proven themselves. Given that Sgrub's endgame involves the creation of a universe, his role probably relates to this in some way.

Maybe he's the one who grants the Players the 'seed' - or whatever else is mechanically required to alchemize a universe.

The thought has occurred to me, too! I've been skimming some old posts while writing asks, and a couple of things have stood out to me.

We still don't know who the pen pal is. I'm still convinced he has something to do with Grandpa Harley, and my best guess is that he's someone who contains Grandpa as an alchemical component.

The session monitor in Skaianet's lab has a new meaning now. Every single one of those sessions could spawn a universe. And it's been implied that every planet with intelligent life will eventually spawn Sburb sessions. If you do the maths, it's clear that each universe should spawn billions of sessions. Just how many 'children' does each universe produce?

Ooh, yes, let's think about the implications of all this on my 'sonas!

If we assume that the kidsona was on comic-canon Earth, then she's in the universe created by the Zodiac trolls. The universe that she and the trollsona could create could be a completely new one!

...that is, if they create a universe at all. There's nothing saying you have to use that grist on a universe, and they might have other plans...

I was actually thinking about Tinkers when I made that post!

I read Worm a couple of years ago. In retrospect, it would also have made pretty good liveblogging material, although probably not quite as good as Homestuck. There's some great stuff in Worm, but a lot of what I really like about it doesn't show up until close to the end.

I initially assumed that the Psychic Double Reacharound was a contingency plan that she'd prepared earlier, since she couldn't possibly have come up with something so elaborate in the heat of the moment, while bleeding out on the ground.

But then I remembered she came up with the Sollux/Mind Honey plan seemingly on the spot, and now I'm not so sure. God damn, Vriska.

This is genuinely super flattering. I hope the inconsistency isn't too much of an issue - and, yes, I note the irony of saying this immediately after a four-month hiatus!

If was clear from early on that things in Homestuck weren't always what they seemed. Hell, sometimes they're not even what we're shown.

We have to assume some of what we're being told is true, or else we wouldn't have a story - but we always have to remember who's telling the story.

[Lol I love this fic. lots of **GIANT** spoilers tho, just because of the nature of the fic. For example, big ones starting at 16, 55 and 57 - C]

Recommended, and does apparently contain spoilers - but this is one I'm particularly looking forward to.

It's kind of a funny question, isn't it?

From Davesprite's perspective, he did change the future - his future. John died, but he 'changed things' - and now John's alive, even though he was dead 'before'.

But if you zoom out a little, you can see that this change was predetermined by the Alpha Timeline, which always depended on these events. Davesprite changed the first-order future - but the meta-future was always set in stone.

The Medium's timeline is so weird, isn't it? Its retroactive existence is difficult to puzzle out.

I don't think you could see the history of your Land by travelling back before you entered. All physical evidence of that history is there, but it's generated in a single instance when you Enter, and can't be accessed. It's analogous to read-only-memory.

After all, John, Rose and Dave are in the past with respect to LOJADE, but they're never going to see its 'history' - and Jade's Entry isn't going to insert it into the Medium retroactively. It won't have been 'there all along' when John was flying around earlier on his jetpack - it'll only ever have been there from Jade's Entry onwards.

As for getting into Earth's past, I think Karkat had it right, when he described the kids' original universe as 'a set of points to choose from'. You can't get into Earth's past by time-travelling around the Medium, but that doesn't really matter, since you can open portals into any point in its history, as long as you have the gear.

They're fascinating questions, aren't they?

Pre-Exile, she was the Tradition Wrangler - a Prospitian lawyer who struggled to interpret the Medium's archaic laws!

DD is a man of action, and I'm sure he approves of any Player who acts decisively themselves.

Plus, I'm sure he can emphasize with Aradia's situation. After all, it sucks to be bossed around by someone whose motivations make no goddamn sense half the time.

Common Terezi W.

True - she didn't need to hold her there for long. The laser pointer thing is a better analogy, blinding her almost instantly. I don't think it's any less fucked-up - it's more like a different flavor of fucked-up.

That's a pretty impressive robotics feat for Equius, actually. I wonder what Aradiabot is actually made of?

Tracing the source of alchemy gear is one of my favorite Homestuck 'minigames'.

Hivebent's art is fantastic! I really see why the comic blew up around this time. It's really coming into its own, stylistically. Of particular note is the art of Make Her Pay, and the art accompanying Aradia's final monologue. I can't wait to see more!

Gamzee is just too high to be rendered in a less symbolic manner.

Sollux is broken, and probably another mutant. The Sgrub trolls don't seem surprised by his level of power - but considering their circle includes other absurd espers like Aradia and Vriska, they probably aren't the best people to ask about what's normal.

Damn, I wish we could have seen more of Alternia. I know some of the spin-offs dig into this, but I hope we get more in canon, too.

Terezi's dream self is blind, because that's the version of herself she identifies most with. There's very little doubt in my mind that your dream self would reflect your self-perception in other ways, too. Skaia is clearly an ally - thank you, king.

You could imagine a Player whose dream self changes after they realize - or conversely, a Player whose dream self cracked their eggy loking thign. I'd be surprised if there weren't many fanfictions where this is a plot point - and depending on how things shake out in the comic itself, I'm not ruling it out.

In asking about magic, Kanaya really does start to sound like the young child that she is. It's easy to forget, but heartbreaking when you remember.

A few people have talked about this, so I added all of my 'immediate reaction' posts to the liveblog tag! I think it got them all - other than LOLCAT, which I missed and will add now - but if there are others, let me know!

I guess Matespritship isn't explicitly described in terms of romantic love. It's described as a close analogue of human romance, which is 'rooted in strongly positive emotions'. I've been assuming, based on that, that Red Romance is effectively interchangeable with the human concept of romantic love - but I suppose that's not necessarily the case.

I do think you're hitting on a very good point, here, too, which is that the quadrant system itself is described as something that trolls need. I think the 'need' for these categories is enforced, artificially, for the benefit of the Empire. It wouldn't be the first institution to pull something like this.

Either way, it'll be interesting to see how the troll/human ships end up shaking out. It's going to be a challenge to merge their respective relationship frameworks. The best solution, of course, is for them to experience their own relationships without any cultural baggage, but I don't think I'm just speaking for myself when I say that that's easier said than done!

[hskinhome]

I DONT REALLY KNOW IF THIS WILL WORK BUT I WANT TO TRY

MIGHT BE LONG SO SORRY IF IT IS, IM SUPER CANON DIVERGENT IM SOME BITS

IM KARKAT VANTAS, IM A HOST IN A SYSTEM (BODILY 15 BUT IM 16)

IM HONESTLY LOOKING FOR ANYONE BUT ERIDAN AND ESPECIALLY DAVE, GAMZEE, SOLLUX, TAVROS, EQUIUS, KANAYA ,ROSE AND KANKRI

IM FROM A DOOMED TIMELINE WHERE I DIED AT THE END OF THE 3 YEAR METEOR TRIP, JACK CAUGHT UP TO US AND WE FOUGHT HIM BUT LOST.

I WENT GOD TIER BUT HAD MY WINGS RIPPED OFF, SO I WAS REALLY PROTECTIVE OF MY BACK MOST OF THE TIME

GOD TIERING FOR MY TIMELINE WAS WHERE YOUD GET TRAITS OF WHATEVER YOU PROTOTYPED YOUR SPRITE WITH, SO I HAD SHELL PLATES ON MY BACK AND EVERYONE HAD FEATURES RELATING TO WHATEVER THEY PUT IN IT

I DIDNT HAVE A LUSUS OR HIVE UNTIL ABOUT A SWEEP BEFORE THE GAME AND THEN I GOT ADOPTED, MY CRABDAD DIDNT REALLY HAVE A NAME EVER AND LOOKED MORE LIKE A LOBSTER OR KRILL (LOL CRAWDAD TOO)

MY GAMZEE AND I BECAME FRIENDS WHEN WE WERE REALLY LITTLE, ID STAY AT HIS HIVE A LOT WHEN IT WAS COLD OUT AND HE PROTECTED ME FROM WHEN PEOPLE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY BLOOD AND TRIED TO HURT ME. WE NEVER SPLIT UP AND STAYED MOIRAILS EVEN IN THE DREAM BUBBLES AND WE GOT "MARRIED"

MY DAVE WAS ALBINO AND WORE SUNGLASSES BECAUSE HIS EYES WERE SENSITIVE TO THE LIGHT. HE HAD BLACK CROW WINGS ON HIS BACK AND HIS HANDS HAD TALONS, HE COULDNT FLY WITH HIS WINGS BECAUSE THEY WERE TOO SMALL BUT BEING GOD TIER LET HIM FLY STILL. WE WERE MATESPRITES GOT MARRIED IN THE DREAM BUBBLES TOO, ALL OF MY QUADRANT MATES AND I GOT MARRIED

MY EQUIUS WAS MY KISMESIS, WE DIDNT START OUR RELATIONSHIP UNTIL WE WERE BOTH DEAD THOUGH. WE GOT "MARRIED" TOO, THOUGH IT WAS MORE OF US THROWING RINGS AT EACHOTHER LOL

ME AND MY TAVROS WERE MATESPRITES, HE HAD HIS LEGS CUT OFF AND CRAWLED ON HIS HANDS SO HE WAS SUPER BUFF, HIS ARMS WERE COVERED IN SCRATCHES BECAUSE OF HIS ACCIDENT AND HOW OFTEN HIS ARMS WOULD GIVE OUT WHEN HE FIRST LOST HIS LEGS. HE WORE HIS HAIR SPIKED UP LIKE A MOHAWK WHEN IN THE DREAMS BUBBLES BECAUSE RUFIOH HELPED BOOST HIS CONFIDENCE. WE GOT MARRIED TOO.

SOLLUX AND I WERE VASCILATING FLUSHED AND PALE, HE WAS SUPER NERDY AND I SWEAR SAID "UM ACTUALLY" UNIRONICALLY. WE GOT MARRIED TOO, THOUGH HE ONLY REALLY DID IT FOR THE FOOD BUT ITS THE THOUGHT THAT COUNTS. WE HONESTLY WERE MORE FLUSHED, BUT WE HAD OUR VERY PALE MOMENTS.

KANAYA TOOK CARE OF ME A LOT WHEN WE BOTH DIED, SHE HELPED A LOT. WHEN WE ALL DIED IT WAS LIKE EVERYTHING BROKE, AND EVEN THOUGH SHE WAS ALSO SO SCARED TOO SHE HELPED ME THROUGH IT AND HELPED ME THROUGH THAT BAD TIME. SHE TOOK CARE IF ME LIKE A LUSUS DID, AND SHE HELPED A LOT

ROSE WAS LIKE HER PARTNER IN CRIME (AND LITERAL PARTNER) IM BABYING PEOPLE ISTG, SHE WAS LIKE LUSUS/MOM 2 FOR ME, I SWEAR THEY BOTH BASICALLY ADOPTED ME FOR A WHILE AFTER WE ALL DIED

KANKRI AND I ACTUALLY GOT ALONG REALLY WELL, HED LISTEN TO ME WHEN I NEEDED TO RAMBLE AND ID LISTEN WHEN HE WANTED TO. HE REALLY DIDNT CARE IF ANYONE WAS LISTENING, HE JUST WANTED THE PRESENCE, BUT I TRIED TO LISTEN ANYWAYS. HIS RAMBLING WAS BORING AT FIRST BUT IM PRETTY SURE HE WAS JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD BUT KINDA NOT FIGURING OUT HOW HE WAS BEING TOO CAREFUL. I MISS HIM A LOT TBH, AND I DONT REGRET LETTING HIM RAMBLE TO ME ONE BIT

SOME OTHER IMPORTANT STUFF IS HOW IN MY MEMORIES, THE DREAM BUBBLES INCLUDED ALL VERSIONS OF EVERYONE. SO EVEN ADULT ME AND THE SIGNLESS WERE THERE, AND I REMEMBER SEEING GRANDPA HARLEY A FEW TIMES!

I REMEMBER BEATING BRO STRIDER UP ONCE TOO, ALMOST TO "SECOND DEATH" BECAUSE HE WAS HORRIBLE TO MY DAVE. GOOD BROS ARE COOL THOUGH 👍

I THINK THATS IT. SORRY IF THIS IS TOO LONG, I JUST AM A BIT DIFFERENT AND ITS KINDA SUCKY

IM DOING THIS ANONYMOUSLY BECAUSE WE HAVE A FEW OTHERS WHO MIGHT DO CANON CALLS LATER, MY @ IS @xarcinogeneticist

Go message it if this sounds familiar!

-Mod Nepeta

[borzoilover69]

DIRKJAKE FANDOM ICEBERG EXPLAINED (REALLY LONG)

Tier one:

zan0tix, repliiku, guilealopecoid, and ikimaru are all notable artists in the dirjake community currently as of making this post. zan0tix and repliiku are wellknown for their more traditionally romantic and sweet dirkjake artworks, guilealopecoid is known for their smart and fascinating take on dirkjake using tyler the creators album, igor, as well as their animatics, available to be watched on twitter.

ikimaru is an exception here, as ikimaru was a big part of the fandom in its early years up until 2017 drawing dirkjake, to the point theyre known mainstream as being THE dirkjake artist. Recently, they did a print for requiem cafe for the homestuck anniversary. Pumpkin patch is another word for the pairing of dirk and jake, from a conversation between Dirk and Caliborn over Caliborn requesting art of Dirk and his friends from Dirk. Caliborn asks Dirk to draw pairings of him and his friends, but when asked why he doesnt request one of Dirk x Jake, he comments that orange and green dont look go well together.

Brograndpa: Self explanatory. The beta earth ship of Dirk and Jake, involving grandpa harley and bro strider.

Postcanon breakup: refers to the status of relationship in both the epilogues and homestuck two, where in both candy and meat, their relationship fails.

Dirkjake big bang: Dirkjake big bang was a project started by rads tomatograter in 2020 that takes place during one week of the year where fanartists and writers are paired to create illustrations and stories about dirkjake. There is also a list of prompts given out too for that specific week for any artists or writers not in the big bang but still wanting to participate. You can find out more from @dirkjakeweekly.

Tier two:

Tomatograter: Head of dirkjake fandom from iirc 2019-2021. Made really good art and meta posts, definitely check their stuff out. His analysis of Dirkjake vrisrezi parallels is fascinating, and he contributed a lot to Dirkjake as a fandom through his meta takes and perception of Dirkjake post canon. Really pioneered a lot of great stuff like the dirkjake big bang mentioned earlier.

Artreactor: Notable and prominent Dirkjake writer on ao3. Has been here since the very beginning, and is responsible for some of the titles here such as shag, emotionally devastate, and calvariae,which i DEFINITELY recommend you reading, simply because the level of understanding they have of Dirk and Jakes nuances is phenomenal. Their works are usually the first break into Dirkjake ao3.

Borzoilover69: The dirkjake cannibalism guy. Joined in 2023 after reading homestuck in 2022, and revived the fandom from its dead state after rads left. Represented by a borzoi. Current CEO of dirkjake. Is involved in a small handful of the other stuff like basically everything in the lowest tier, and some of the other stuff here. Keeps an archive of the majority of Dirkjake artwork produced in a server.

Dirk and Jake never talk on screen: Dirk and Jake do not have a single exchange on screen in the entirety of homestuck. Any exchange them is between Jake and BGD, a memory, an autoresponder, or with Jake ghosting Dirk. Whenever they appear in the same space together, there is no dialogue shown. A symbolic interpretation of their inability to communicate.

Ohmeiios: Another notable dirkjake artist, responsible for a range of funny comics like the dirkjake explosion one, and other dirk and jake arts.

Dirkjakedaily: A twitter daily account run by borzoilover69 in collaboration with a small list of artists such as galaxicpeach, mememaku, waspikk, ohmeiios, 0PWHH, and vintagegamebro to put out dirkjake art. It was also part gimmick account, with Dirk and Jake intermittently bickering at each other through the account and framing the entire thing as a business venture they both invested in and had artists working on to make art. Deactivated in february.

The kiss animation: Refers to this animation by toastyglow

Cannibalism agenda: Cannibalism agenda is the name jokingly given by borzoilover69 for borzois endorsement and support of cannibalism and other symbolic forms of nontraditional love being displayed in Dirkjake artwork by fanartists and writers alike. Originally started in 2023 after this post borzoi also made a post on dirkjakedaily twitter encouraging artists to engage in less traditional interpretations of love (exact wording: DIRKJAKERS I WANT MORE VIOLENCE AND BLOOD THIS YEAR.(at least i think so)), cannibalism and violence has become a lot more common in Dirkjake media after this tweet and post.

Tier three:

Hs2 dirkjohn switchup: After homestuck two and the epilogues were dropped, a large majority of the homestuck fandom switched from shipping Dirkjake to Dirkjohn, deeming Dirk and Jake too toxic and problematic to ship together. A large majority of Dirkjake artists also left due to being upset with how Dirkjake were handled in this content. Dirkjohn Dirkjake beef: 98% of Dirkjakers hate Dirkjohn with a passion, due to the incorrect and very.. fanon heavy take on Dirk and John presented by Dirkjohnners. Somewhere, theres a distant au where Dirkjake and dirkjohn fandom have sonas and they beat each other up. Beef runs deeper than crows and owls. "any dirkjake fan joining after rads tomatograter cant cook.. all they know is cannibalism, violence as a form of love, bpd, be aroacespec, hate dirkjohn, and lie." - borzoilover69

Calvariae, and shag emotionally devastate: both phenomenal dirkjake fics written by tony artreactor, guranteed to leave you staring into the sunset like coming out of a really good movie. You can read calvariae here, and shag, emotionally devastate here.

Date | Octopimp, refers to this comic dub done by octopimp over this comic created by hubedihubbe. You can watch it here.

Optimistic duelist video essays: Optimistic Duelist aka Taz is a homestuck youtuber specialising in essays about homestuck, its lore, its characters, and its aspects. Specifically I am talking about his Jake English video essay series and his Dirkjake video essay about Dirkjake and the light aspect. These are both phenomenal video essays i cannot recommend enough for anyone wishihng to gain an easy to digest and interesting viewpoint on Dirkjake and Jake English.

aloesirm: a homestuck artist that was active in 2020 and 2021, specialised in dirkjake, davekat, and postcanon art. Attached are some of their art. The rest can be found on their twitter account after a bit of scrolling.

0pacifica: Opacifica is a meta writer that posted Tailspinning into the Epilogues with Dirkjake, one of the most highly recommended Dirkjake series (warning, however, it gets real), and Classpect meta with an interesting outlook on classes as a whole and their roles. Funnily enough, read the epilogues first before actually reading homestuck and gave a really solid feedback on it that I definitely recommend reading.

cityinthesea and myfriendthefrog: both prominent dirkjake artists in the early 2000s that deactivated after facing harassment. Both were juggernauts of the dirkjake fandom, with cityinthesea being involved with the homestuck tarot deck, a visual novel, and collaboration with fic authors, and my-friend-the-frog for their aus such as blind dirk and zombiestuck, as well as the brobot and jake comic, and other fluff works. All of their art has been rendered lost media, archived by borzoilover69 in the cannibal yaoi dirkjake gallery.

END OF TIER THREE. END OF PART ONE.

> Part two ( WIP)

Behold! A fandom iceberg for Dirkjake made by yours truly!! Let me know how far you can go!

[pesterloglog]

John Egbert, Jade Harley

Act 5, page 2880

EB: ok, we have 10 minutes and 25 seconds.

GG: hmmmm i wonder what the significance of that number is

EB: why would it be significant?

EB: numbers don't always need to have significance!

GG: but they usually do!

EB: ok, well the number is now less than it was, and therefore less significant.

EB: and by less, i mean more! you had better hurry upstairs and make your special item.

GG: yes, youre right

EB: hey, what do you think we should prototype this fussy little orb with?

EB: heheheh, it seems like so long ago that rose fed mine a clown.

EB: we were just messing around, we didn't even know what we were doing.

GG: i dont know...

GG: there are so many possibilities

EB: yeah...

EB: it's almost like your grandpa put all this crap here knowing we'd have to make that decision.

GG: hmmmmmm!

GG: yes, it sure seems that way

EB: he seems like he was an awesome guy, i would have liked to have the chance to talk to him.

GG: well

GG: maybe you will get that chance john

EB: oh?

GG: yes, as a matter of fact i am sure we will both get that chance!

GG: i once dreamt that we would

EB: huh...

EB: wait, are you saying we will prototype him?

EB: like i did with nanna, to bring her ghost back to life?

EB: as...

EB: another ghost?

GG: sure, why not!

EB: i guess that makes a lot of sense, actually.

GG: that is what i believe this game is for in part

GG: you got to bring back your nanna, rose brought back her cat, i can bring back grandpa, and dave...

GG: dave got to bring back a dead bird because of course he is too cool to have any dead family members

EB: yeah, also he brought back himself from the future.

EB: who... wasn't dead, but was going to die maybe? i dunno.

EB: specifically to save my life, as well as yours, i think.

GG: wait, he did????

EB: yes.

GG: that is

GG: soooo cooooool :O

EB: it's pretty neat, i guess.

GG: i almost completely forgot i was his server player!!!!!

GG: i hope hes not in trouble, i should check on him

GG: we probably have so much to catch up on

EB: i just messaged him, he is not answering.

GG: i dont see him in his house either :(

EB: ehhh, he's fine, he has been doing a lot of time traveling.

EB: i talked to him from the future, so he must be ok now to make it that far.

GG: oh, ok...

GG: jeez, i feel so out of the loop :(

EB: yes, that is why we need to get you in the loop!

EB: the loop being the game. hurry upstairs! your transporty pad thingies take you straight up, right?

GG: yes! ok here i go

EB: oh, wait!!!

GG: what!

EB: what do we do about prototyping?

EB: we shouldn't put your grandpa in yet, unless we want lots of imps and ogres and stuff that look like your grandpa.

GG: augh, nooooooooooooooo

EB: we could put in something really lame, to make all the monsters weaker!

EB: or at the very least, more ridiculous looking.

EB: like one of these weird pictures of blue ladies lying around.

EB: what's the deal with those, anyway?

GG: oh god, dont get me started :|

GG: he was a strange and silly man

EB: i guess we could just put nothing in and see what happens.

GG: hmmmmmmm, perhaps

GG: is that allowed?

EB: i don't see why not.

EB: maybe i will ask rose, because she suddenly understands everything for some reason.

GG: yes, thats a good idea

EB: we have ten minutes to think about it.

EB: whoops! i mean a lot less than ten minutes!

EB: hurry upstairs, go go go!!!

[fbfh]

dad!tony + stark!reader (ft. peter x reader x harley) hcs pt 2

wc: 1.7k

Genre: domestic fluff, (found) family, eventual enemies to lovers (Harley x reader) and mostly one sided pining to eventual lovers (peter x reader), enemies to eventual friends (peter + harley)

Warnings: former scary situations and battles (obvs), you're worried about Tony, Tony's worried about you, you and Harley are very similar and butt heads, tony is a good dad, yall do not get along at first, everyone has daddy issues, no infinity war/endgame, Harley peter and reader are seniors at this point, cap is a grandpa

A/n: i want to make this a full fic but you're getting bullet fics for now bc I have to get this idea out and I desperately wish I was writing full time already lol

Also who's ready for Iron fam content!!!!!!! Young avengers/gen z heroes content!!!!!!!! Me!!!!! I am!!!!!!!! Also I really hope they characterize Harley the way I'm imagining him bc the way he is in my head is elite

Tags: @yesv01 @afidiofobia @thatmultifandomloser @babiesimagines  @lizziebitch33 @hopefullhearts @thatawkwardlittlefangirl   @dustyinkpages  @raajali3 @the-snake-pit

Siblings with my peter x stark!nepotism baby hcs

So go read that too if you want to lmao

Anyway

As previously stated, Tony is an amazing dad

Your formative years were often times spent accompanying him on business trips so you can go sightseeing and do fun stuff

You know, make boring meetings full of people with terrible opinions a little more fun

And you better fucking believe he's gossiping to you about EVERYTHING

He's called it quits on meetings for today so now you're eating takeout together in the hotel while he spills all the tea to you

"And Roberts was just on my ass all day about the same questions I already answered, so…" he shrugs, taking a bite of food

"Ugh," you shudder in your mutual distaste for the asshole, and mutter under your breath, “that’s probably why his wife left him”

He laughs so hard he almost chokes

Yeah taking you with him was definitely a good idea

Because of all the traveling and all the time spent in meetings

And the fact that you’re both incredibly elusive and have a ridiculously high net worth 

You decide to pick up the occasional modeling gig when you’re traveling with your dad

He’s in meetings and press conferences about the future of stark industries and the avengers 

And you’re doing shoots with chanel and dior 

Sometimes photo shoots, sometimes perfume ads, sometimes you’re on the runway

It’s always fun and it’s nice to spend time with other people around your age in a similar position to yours 

You didn’t expect to have made friends from something you picked up to pass time, but you got a few of the other models numbers and they’re pretty good friends

However, when you’re not jetsetting with your kickass dad

You’re probably spending time in the garage with him while he works

Sometimes you’re doing homework, or watching netflix, or working on your own projects alongside him

Sometimes you just like to listen to him talk 

To you 

To himself

To jarvis

To dum-e and u and butterfingers 

Just being in his presence is so comforting 

He notices when you stick around like that, knows what it means to you

He knows how much you worry about him, that you sometimes have jarvis secretly check his vitals 

Just to make sure he’s okay yk

After everything that’s happened, you can get really bad separation anxiety with him

It feels like as soon as you’re out of each others sight he’s attacked or kidnapped or horribly injured or missing

Or you are 

And Pepper’s great

She’s awesome

But she’s not your dad

Whenever something happens to Tony, you usually just end up worrying together

But there are sometimes where even Pepper has to join the fight

And then you end up exactly where Tony didn’t want you: alone and terrified with no one to comfort you or look out for you

And yes you’re strong

You’re so fucking strong and capable and brave

You even have your own suit

Strictly to keep you protected he’d reminded you many times

If you’re anything like me it’s 100% pink with a little heart cut out for the chest light

But the thing is you shouldn’t have to take care of yourself and protect yourself in times like that

He just 

He wishes he had a few extra pairs of hands

So when things get dicey you still have someone with you

That’s actually a huge part of his motivation for recruiting Peter onto the team

He needs extra hands, extra help

After the whole vulture incident, he knows when this kid gets his mind made up on something there’s no distracting him from that goal

So yeah he blatantly disregarded everything Tony was telling him to do and can’t follow orders half the time, but he did sort of meet his goal of proving himself to Tony

How can he say no to that?

All this

Moving into the compound, hero training after school, meetings with the other avengers (!!!!)

Is a literal dream come true for Peter

For all the normal reasons

But also because guess who also lives at the compound??

You!!! 

You, his beautiful ethereal brilliant celebrity crush

That he now sleeps a few rooms away from 

Totally not heart pounding very normal situation he can totally handle without looking like a total dork in front of you

And living in the same building as you has done nothing but amplify his yearning

He was spacing out in a meeting once and Tony asked Vision to see what he was so wrapped up thinking about

It was yet another balcony soliloquy turned spiderman rescue daydream of you confessing your undying love to him, then him responding with something quippy and clever that makes you laugh that cute little laugh and look up at him with those gorgeous eyes, sparkling in the deep city lights while you look at him dreamily 

Vision: it, uh… seems private.

Tony thought he was thinking about boobs or something 

But no

He’s just very obviously mushy gushy in love with you

With the amount of longing sighs and heart eyes this boy shoots your way you’d think it would be obvious

Which is is

It’s very obvious to everyone except Peter, who thinks he’s hiding it pretty well

Peter has a habit of trying to impress you in training

Which either works great or is kind of embarrassing 

His very, painstakingly obvious crush on you would be annoying

If he wasn’t so endearing 

God you really did not expect the spider kid your dad mentioned in passing to be so… sunshiney???

He’s like a golden retriever puppy

You can practically see his tail wag when you enter the room

He’s so excited and eager to please and ready to prove himself 

You kind of can’t get mad at him just because of how sincere he is

You and your dad won’t admit this for a while

But peter’s growing on you

Both of you

But he still has a lot to learn

And he still makes reckless decisions sometimes

And taking strategic, calculated risks can be okay on the battlefield 

But not when you’re on guard duty

Not when you have one objective - protecting you from any harm until whatever fight that’s happening is over

Between that and the fact that unfortunately for Peter, Tony is in fact aware of his crush on you

Again, he’s not good at hiding it

Which is yet another motivator for him to bring in the next new recruit 

Harley Keener

He’s a long way from the scrappy kid Tony met in Tennessee 

And now that he’s a little older, it’s clear as day that he’s ready to join the ranks of the avengers 

Like tony said, he needs as much help as he can get

Peter sees Harley and thinks friend?!

Text book golden retriever puppy

Harley sees Peter and thinks oh boy rivalry time

Harley takes one look you and his heart starts pounding

How could it not

He and peter are pretty similar in that way 

Again, you’re the drop dead gorgeous confident cool nepotism baby of tony stark

Of course he’s going to have a thing for you

Honestly???? You think he’s kind of fine too at first

Then you both open your mouths

And you find each other insufferable 

You’re both opinionated with a whole lot of confidence 

it was sort of inevitable that yeah, you’d butt heads almost immediately

For a long time, Harley really never thought he’d see Tony again

And yeah, part of that was the fact that once an adult left him they never came back

So now that he has this opportunity 

He’s not going to mess anything up

He’s going to excel

He’s going to so so far above and beyond that he cements his place on the team

He’s going to become such a valuable asset that they couldn’t dream of benching him

Which means he does everything he’s told to

And he does it to the nines 

Yeah he has his personal strengths and weaknesses that he’s working on 

But everyone on the team is surprised by how well he executes orders 

Even Cap the grandpa 

Who’s always going on about how kids these days don’t listen 

Which is always met with an “okay boomer” from everyone in a 5 mile radius 

Has no criticisms for Harley in that department 

And Tony notices this 

And he files that information away for later 

Peter notices something else about Harley

Which is the way he looks at you when you’re not looking 

Peter doesn’t like that

Between that and Harley’s very ambitious no bullshit attitude that seems to conflict instantly with Peter’s optimistic friendly attitude 

They don’t like each other that much 

And you and Harley definitely don’t seem to like each other much

And peter can’t even talk to you yet without choking up or blushing 

So yeah

The next generation of avengers isn’t off to the best start

It goes on like that for some time

You and harley butting heads, hoping you don’t notice the pink flush to his cheeks 

Harley and peter butting heads, both determined to be tony’s favorite 

Peter noticeably not being able to breathe right when you sit too close to him, something you’re actually starting to find

Cute???

Wow maybe you are going soft

The three of you doing homework together in the same room, silence deafeningly loud 

The tension is ramping up 

To the point where the others are starting to notice 

Nat checks on you guys while you’re doing homework together and is immediately thrown off by how tense the room feels

Nat: “...you guys okay?”

You, Peter, and Harley who just spent like 10 minutes roasting the shit out of each other in a way that’s totally not secretly flirting: “Yep, why do you ask :)”

It’s really just a matter of time before something happens

The next avengers battle, for tony to finally put in place the plan he’s been laying the groundwork for since he recruited Parker and Keener

Maybe a love confession or two 

Time will tell

Very, very quickly if the way you’ve been looking at each other is anything to go by

[monster-bcrn]

SPOOKY’S 100 FOLLOWER SHOUTOUT!

Okay for real this is the fastest growing blog I’ve ever had hehehe. Never expected Grundy to get this popular this quickly!

Freaking love this zombaby and I’m so glad y’all love him too! As promised, gonna shout out some fantabulous bloggos that helped get Grundy to where he is today. XD

@akasupergirl/ @azombieme (I FREAKING ADORE GRUNDY AND KARA AND LIV. I swear Grundy’s loyal to Kara like he was to Shayera and Jade and Liv is totally his baby sister and is gonna protect her from.....everything. :P

Even pigeons, because they’re legion.)

@thecatgoddessbast (A blast from the past! Glad to see you again after I rampaged and caused chaos as a certain deranged pincushion of a mushroom way back in the time before present. XD

Now I get to do that as a zombie. :D Win/win!)

@starcityvigilante (OLLIE. FFFFFF-okay for real I’m HYPED to plot wacky ideas with you. Grundy has a MASSIVE grudge against Green Arrow and I’m like......*push these two together* you both get along right now.)

@folcire (We literally just started talking and I’m loving your Ivy already! Can’t wait to see how Grundy grows to see her the more he talks to her because they’re both sassy plant people that way. XD)

@themartlans (FFFFFF-J’ONN. Everyone’s favorite green uncle :D I freaking adore him and I HATE how the most he ever interacted with Grundy was him being tossed into the bay. >_<

They really need to talk more, and MAN! That Injustice verse of yours is SICK. Definitely hyped for making Grundy into an insurgent and a good zombie instead of Supes’ lapdog.

( Look at this face....LOOK AT IT.)

@blackwingsbluedings (One of the best Dick Grayson’s out there and definitely loving seeing Grundy be less smash and more “......hug?” They both need hugs I swear.)

@marvelousdamsels (We haven’t talked much but I adore your muses and I just hope Grundy doesn’t come off as too weird or clingy.......wait.......that’s......literally Grundy.....

:D)

@theirfirstexperiment (GRUNDY ON A RAMPAGE YOOOOOO! Better run fast. XD)

@amazonexile/ @gothamprens/ @captainstevertrevor ( Freaking love your muses and I love seeing Diana and Bruce actually WANT to help Grundy. It’s too easy just beating on Grundy and I love seeing them actually bother to try to get to the gentler side of the Hulk’s crazy cousin. XD)

@justiceebound / @nighttfight ( *slams fist on the table* YOU ARE AWESOME! Your Shayera is awesome, your Bruce is a national treasure and I can’t wait to throw Grundy at Supes and Diana, because these guys need a big reconciliation thing after all the chaos from literal years of slugging it out.

And I LOVE it. >:D)

@ofamazonia 

@theamazondiana   (Both of you are AWESOME Wonder Women and MAN I love plotting ideas. I’m tired of seeing Diana being turned into too much of a warrior while negating her role as a peace-maker and y’all NAIL her kindness and wisdom and need to give everyone a chance. Freaking LOVE IT!)

@raininginkyxto (LOL I always love imagining Grundy in Marvel and now poor Weasel is kind of stuck with him. XD Man, if the Hulks meet Grundy then that poor bar is going to really get smashed.....)

@notatomo (GIANT. Man I loved that movie as a kid and I LOVE the subsequent giant robot and tiny kid works inspired from it (example being the CRIMINALLY under-appreciated Sentinel series by UDON.) Can’t wait to see what happens when Grundy talks more to someone bigger than him. XD)

@liminalstctic (GRUNDY HEARTS TINY GIRL. XD Yeah he’s trying his hardest to help her. ;A;)

@dolceclavier

@gobsnacc

@adrenalinesaint

@ninelivesruined

@yellowskinnedwackyman  (CREEPER! I’ll forever ADORE these two butts because they’re team Tree Lobsters.)

@collidingxworlds/ @thecursedhellblazer (I. Love. Your. Constantine. I swear I have so much fun writing Grundy trying to get drunk (and failing) and learning to cuss up a storm while still being a mad lad ready to throw down with mega-zombies to protect his tiny friend.

DC, make this friendship canon or so help me Grodd...)

@chaosmultiverse (I love your Klarion so much! He’s so much fun! XD And Teekl for the epic win!)

@raichoose (Herbert West and Solomon Grundy? THAT aIN’T GOOD! D:>)

@gctjinxd (Freaking LOVE your Jinx! LOL how she manipulates Freeze and how Grundy isn’t even REMOTELY phased by her powers. Like he is TOUGH. Even bad luck won’t stop him.)

@killcrcroc (BIG BAD KILLER CROC! I love your Waylon and I adore how he has a collection of watches and that awesome suit. XD Croc definitely deserves more love since he’s much smarter than he looks, and tough enough to even get Grundy to back down in a serious fight.)

@babydxhl (Baby Doll is criminally underappreciated and I love how she’s the opposite to Grundy. She looks child-like but is very crafty, mature and knows how to get what she wants, while Grundy is physically strong and big enough to bully his way into anything he wants, but is very simple and child-like and would rather watch the birds. XD)

@theednygma (An awesome Ed Nygma and I love how Grundy is so unsure of everything yet still goes along for the ride as a support. XD)

@sleightlyoffhand (BUNNY MAN! Okay the idea of Josiah monching on carrots in Grundy’s pocket makes me smile so much. XD)

@thanagrian (BIRD-NOSE! Honestly every time I think of Grundy and Shayera I get the feels big time. These two definitely deserved more than just two episides to give them a unique friendship.

(I love that STAR Labs mission so much in Injustice. XD)

@the-arkham-librarian ( I love Eliza so much! She’s crafty, stubborn, sweet and kind and just cares about everyone so much when few don’t. Grundy grew so attached to her I swear she’s like his little sister at this point. XD And he’s totes the best uncle along with Eddie.)

@fatherdamned ( I LOVE YOUR RIDDLER OMG! He’s so snarky but man he is SO DAMN FUN to write with! Grundy is there for his green friend, no matter what!)

@fartemis-crockpot

( I freaking LOVE Artemis and Grundy, especially in the Injustice Society stuff. Yeah Grundy’s been a butt before but he genuinely likes and cares about her and the rest of the team and I’m like....

Look at these bunch of a-holes. Yeah they’re a family and even if they’re bad.....they’ve got each other. And that’s what counts. C:)

@powerhours/ @lastofmars (Green dad? Green dad. I love your J’onn so much and I’m like *throws Grundy at green dad* Here give this disaster some love. XD)

@gothamdad (YET ANOTHER AWESOME BATMAN. :D)

@redsleuthed (TIM! I love Tim and I swear these two should talk more because Grundy doesn’t WANT to fight and I think just letting someone hear him out would help him immensely.

Plus that stuff with Freeze? Poetic cinema.)

@themusespace

@12thlevel​ (On this blog we stan socially awkward green boi with angery grandpa genius mastermind. XD)

@pluckyingenue

@seekthedarknesswithin (SHADE! I love Shade in Justice League where he constantly throws Shade at everyone so you can imagine how excited I was to see Shade on Tumblr! We haven’t done much but man.....even Grundy was excited to see an old friend from the Injustice Society/ Injustice Gang.)

@youstolemycoat (Okay, hands down, Nick Necro is so much fun to plot with. His Robin verse is so fun too and poor Grundy tries to help but a certain birdy won’t let him. XD)

@ufotm (Tiny alien baby. :3)

@thetrigonborn

@kitfreeman

@partcfyouruniverse/ @diamondcladclown ( An awesome mun and my goodness her Harley is EPIC! I love the metas about Harley too and you just GET HER. And that????? Is the sign of an excellent writer and mun.)

@bigbadkillercroc ( I love your Croc and the brotherly bond he has with Grundy! It’s so refreshing to see these two bonding instead of Grundy tearing off Waylon’s face like he did in the Solomon Grundy mini-series. :C)

@blizzardmuses (I LOVE YOUR MUSES OMG. Your Batgirl?????? I ADORE HER. I love Freeze as a member of the Birds of Prey and I love tossing Grundy at your muses because the guy needs love and an excuse to smash.....and I really love both lol.)

@starfirechan (You’re Starfire is so freaking CUTE! I love how she and Grundy get along so well since they’re kind of two misfits that aren’t very well-versed in city life. XD)

@gotham-crusader/ @maximummuses (One of the best Batman and Damian Wayne RPers out there! I have a lot of fun with our threads and even if they fizzle out there is so much heart to them that they’re some of my absolute favorites no matter what muse I put on. C:)

@teufortsquidman (PRAWN! Okay, a giant mega-zombie and an Eldritch abomination? Yeah they’re gonna be good pals lol. XD)

@tragedybcrn (Hands down one of the BEST Batman RPers I’ve talked to and plotted with. I love how Bruce helps Freeze and even Grundy try to be better than just crooks. Grundy though has had so many bad experiences that he can’t trust anyone anymore unless there is some SERIOUS help. But he’ll learn to at least try to trust Batman.....because Batman was genuinely nice to him.)

@krygothite ( I freaking LOVE your Bane! We haven’t written much but FFFFF0yeah he’s epic. XD And Grundy is kind of nervous about bringing Bane to Slaughter Swamp because Bane is tough but not kaiju-sized gators and snakes tough....

Or....maybe he is.....let’s test him. >:D)

@batvvmn

@redwinefangs (VAmpire Batman? Vampire Batman. We have an epic trifecta of vampire Bats, Freezy-wolf and zombaby Grundy and I LOVE it. These three are so much fun to plit ideas around. XD)

@bclaur

@stcrshnes

@titanicscionofthestars ( I freaking LOVE Sara! All across my blogs I love her and the way you write her! And I swear her reaction to Grundy being impaled????? MY HEART. ;A;)

@jcinthedance  (JERVIS! Okat for real I love the image of Hatter and Grundy just enjoying a tea party at the asylum and being weird dorks. XD)

@adventurepunks (I absolutelky LOVE your Zatanna! She’s so fun and I’d love to plot more with her! :D)

@shesquiinnsane

@laughter-in-white (YOU????? Are??? Like the BEST Joker. Hands down. Your Croptop J is so much fun to plot with and he’s funny and being dramatic for Bats. And Grundy is like ‘yeah he’s crazy but he’s my crazy.’)

@yourfavoritesidekick

@smartvulpix (* glomps on you for being epic*)

@thehouseofivo (Your Freeze and Julian are AWESOME! Love throwing my guys at them both lol)

@lil-miss-romano

@sweet-tea-solly

@slauhter

@occultsleuth

@wiisectrpillar

@wonderlandcarpenter

@gunborn

[thewebcomicsreview]

I’m still mad about Yiffany Longstocking Lalonde Harley, but I’ve been mulling over why I (and, apparently, the entire fandom) have reacted so negatively to this. It’s not like stupid shit hasn’t happened in Homestuck before. In fact, the specific scenario of a bad guy holding an as-yet-unrevealed girl hostage has happened before

And this comparison is maybe instructive, because it indicates why I think Yiffy’s introduction was backwards. When it was revealed that Doc Scratch was keeping a Chinese Schoolgirl Aradia in his attic, the fandom shit bricks, because it was such a completely left-field twist. Is this Aradia? Is this Aradia’s ancestor? How is she a child in the future? Why does Scratch have her? What is going on?

And we didn’t get answers for a while! We got a fight scene where Damara was Maid to look sympathetic. We get a peek of a character, and are given hints and details to speculate over. And this is how most major characters are set up.

Jade doesn’t appear on screen until page 760, nearly 10% of the way through the story, and until she does we keep getting all these hints and glimpses at this mysterious character who seems to know the future and has to suddenly leave the chat because of a large explosions. Fans were left to speculate on to who this GG character was, except that she was obviously the Seer of Light, and we were left hanging for a really long time.

We were waiting way longer to figure out this carcinoGeneticist dude. He first appears as CG on page 859, 

Makes a one-panel cameo on page 1526 so we can see he’s not human

And we don’t learn his name until page 1994. And I’m not going to cite every example of a character’s details being teased out slowly so we can speculate on them, but trust me that it’s nearly every single character in Homestuck, very intentionally and purposefully stretched out to allow for the maximum amount of fan speculation. Andrew Hussie, as writer, teases out his secrets slowly and carefully. And thus by the time we learn Jade stuffed her grandpa’s corpse, we’re already inclined to like her so we roll with it easier. 

And I’m not saying it’s the “right” way for make a story. It’s not, it has it’s advantages (builds hype! Lets fans speculate together!) and disadvantages (can get very tedious very fast if the audience isn’t sufficiently invested in the mystery, like the “Ro-Lal” stuff in Act 6, or if the payoff is weak like basically anything Stephen Moffat does). But it’s the way Hussie writes, and the way Homestuck readers are primed to expect and self-selected to like. And imagine if this Yiffy reveal was like that: It’s not so much as hinted at that Jade has a daughter, we never learn the name. Jane says “They took our son hostage Jake, but I can play dirty, too!” and she pulled a sheet off a cage to reveal, like,

Source: Fukari.deviantart.com

And that was the cliffhanger?

Can you fucking imagine how the readership would’ve reacted? There are furries in Homestuck now, no further explanation at this time, see you in two weeks, and then the next update was about Dirk or something and they left us hanging for a long time. There’d be all sorts of speculation! Who is she? Why does Jane have her? How the fuck? And while some of those questions would be fairly obvious, having to figure them out by being active readers is fun. 

And then you could cut to her perspective, and you could have a joke where she tries to block you from seeing her name, before revealing something like “Your name, tragically, is YIFFANY “YIFFY” LONGSTOCKING LALONDE HARLEY”, so we get the name as well as some characterization at the same time, and some of her backstory speculation gets confirmed by her last names. Plus, the framing would be “Oh poor Yiffy she has a stupid name I feel bad for her and want to root for her now”, and less “Jade and Rose are assholes to their child as a joke”. And then the final bits of her backstory can be revealed later. Maybe Kanaya is super curt with Rose but we don’t learn why for a while so we have to speculate over it.

But instead we get this huge massive infodump as a preamble. So now I simultaneously don’t know anything about Yiffy as a character but also feel like I’ve been given everything there is to know. They haven’t really told the joke so much as they’ve explained it. Yiffy is presumably going to be a fairly major character going forward, and her introduction over two updates has gone out of its way to do absolutely everything except make me care about her as a character. There are pages and page and pages of infodump telling me about Yiffy, and they’ve yet to show her. She hasn’t appeared on-panel and hasn’t done anything to give us a hint of her personality except that she growls when put in a cage.

And that’s maybe the biggest issue with Homestuck 2 as a whole right now, and it’s possible that it’s even a structural issue because they have a team of writers that are being given assignments to include certain info: Everything is explained to me, and then it happens manner-of-factly. There’s no teasing, no chance to really speculate on anything, no chance for the fandom to actually engage with the story beyond “Do I like this y/n?”.

And I think maybe if they tried parceling out these reveals better and not explaining everything up-front, a lot of these silly ideas would probably go down a lot easier.

[mmmmalo]

u said once that roxys cat symbol is an infantile one can u explain? plus have you read paglias description of the cat in ancient egypt as the emobdied fusion of appolonian (sp?) grace and cythonic mystique i think you would find it very interesting

There’s a pretty good explanation of cats-as-child-symbol in my (somewhat outdated) Openbound post (x), but a shorter version would be...

1. Okay, you know how Gamzee says explanations will steal the magic from his miracles? Or how Caliborn characterizes text as a wall that bars his access to meaning? Or how Jade fantasizes about shedding language and accessing the olfactory bouquet available to wolves? We’re kind of getting at that general sentiment. One metaphorical angle on Lord ENGLISH destroying reality is that LANGUAGE itself is (characterized as) an obstacle to “authentic” experience (and the “authentic” self would otherwise feel it), trapping its speakers in a web of abstractions, with no way to reach the real -- or more insidiously, the lack of access means language has killed reality (and you). This is one reason why Jaspers gets killed by a book -- its a metaphor for the introduction of a prelingual self to language, a violent encounter whereby language devours you and entraps you in its abstract confines. (Which is why when Jaspers’ death is foreshadowed in Act 1, Sassacre’s “daunting text” rips John’s arms off and encases them in a hard-to-access sylladex)

Babies and animals are both romanticized as beings free of language, which I think is why you often see characters’ ideal selves combined with animals -- there’s a sense of having regained access to some primordial joy. (You are the eggshell within which this inner-child-self is encased, so the “birth” of the entombed spirit entails the “death” of one’s current self. Like in Fiduspawn)

2. On a more literal level, I’ve believed for a long time that Mom gave Jaspers an ostentatious burial in order to mourn a child of hers that was stillborn prior to Rose’s arrival, and that her efforts to perfect ectobiology were in part motivated by a desire to reclaim this child. The reading is kind of a patchwork. Jaspers is entombed in a child coffin, Rose calls Jaspers’ speaking style child-like... by themselves, those aren’t much. But insofar as buckets function as a womb symbol, Rose observing that Mom’s bucket is inexplicably empty becomes allegory for infertility. And insofar as the chessboard in Mom’s lab is yet another such symbol, it becomes curious that a dead Jaspers is “born” from it prior to Rose. With those incidents in mind, seeing a panel in which Roxy appears to be tossing a dead cat out a bucket (page 5087) becomes pretty jarring, even if that’s not what’s literally occurring.

Hiveswap seemed to reward this perspective, if obliquely: when Joey tries to combine batteries with the refrigerator, the player receives an anecdote of Roxy, empty liquor bottle in hand, cryptically lamenting that putting a dead battery in the fridge will not recharge it. In another universe, Her Imperious Condescension loses a battery (RIP Ψiioniic) and proceeds to repeatedly attempt to revive her lost people. Suffice it to say (because I don’t want to spend several paragraphs qualifying this with more womb symbols) that this outline of Condy’s story resembles my proposed motivation for Mom’s ectobiology: the restoration of lost children. (Which, in a certain sense, is what all the characters chasing after their crushed child-selves are also doing.) Anyway, the battery flavor-text seems to be a reference to this motif.

The art Dirk draws of Jake eating his and Roxy’s baby (and the confirmation in the credits that the doodled baby truly resembles a JakeRoxy alchemical fusion) offers the suggestion that Mom’s lost boy was fathered by her mentor at Skaianet, Grandpa Harley -- and perhaps eaten by him. Fucked up if true. But insofar as Jake (English!) might himself be considered a face of the big bad, part one of this post becomes helpful here: the JakeRoxy baby being devoured becomes a repetition of Jaspers being Sassacrushed. Another mythic account of the child-self being swallowed by language... at least that’s where I tend to situate myself now. I can never fully abandon the possibility that Grandpa literally ate dead babies, needlessly grotesque as it is, but I’ve had much more success substantiating the metaphorical dimension of Lord English eating ghost kids via the language stuff... But then I notice that Roxy is looking at the baby-eating picture maybe 5 pages before she (appears to) throw the dead cat out of the bucket and I feel on edge again.

I’m not sure where reality stops and metaphor begins here, so this is a region of the story that really tends to activate my paranoia. Sorry for that. I presume that unraveling this will require reorienting myself around a more abstract notion of reproduction for which the drama is allegory, but the task is presently beyond me

[lyssismagical]

27 and/or 30 for the prompt asks if you want!

27 - “Why is there glitter everywhere” 

30 - “Detention? Again?” 

(I don’t know if those are from the right prompt list oops sorry) 

Soft Parent!Parkner w a splash of Irongrandpa

Days at Stark Industries as CEO were always long. Peter would forever be grateful he has the opportunity to work there, it’s better than anything he’d dreamed of as a kid, even after meeting Tony, but the gratefulness for being allowed this opportunity didn’t mean his days were necessarily made easy.

Nine to five, though sometimes later as much as he hated missing dinners with his family, with some of the smartest people he’d ever met. He gets told on an almost hourly basis that he’s too young to be CEO, that anybody else could do it better than him, that he could be doing more, doing better, that his commitments to his family were taking away from his work.

Work was work somedays.

But everything was made better when he got home to his apartment in Manhattan to greet his wonderful husband and children.

And today was Friday, meaning the Stark family and May would be visiting for their weekly dinners.

When he gets home, bone-tired and heavy with the day’s work, Harley’s laughter is what greets him first. It makes his shoulder just a little less tense.

“I’m home!” he calls out, kicking off his shoes and sliding out of his jacket. He rubs the exhaustion from his eyes, tries to make his mouth lift into at least a polite smile, tries to appear put together when he makes his way into the kitchen to greet his husband.

“Honey! C’mere! I need your opinion on something.”

Almost immediately, his shoulders slump, body aching to rest for just a second but responsibilities never-ending.

Harley’s waiting for him at the stove, spoonful of what looks like stew held out. “Try this for me?”

He does as asked, thinking for only a moment before saying, “Bit more salt?”

Harley lights up in a smile. “That’s what I thought! But Tony started going on and on about blood sugar and cholesterol and health issues.”

“Tony’s here?”

“In the living room. He’s watching the kids while Pepper and Morgan pick up May.”

Peter sighs, almost too harshly because he knows what that means.

And he’s right.

He walks into the living room to find a huge mess.

“Tony.” Peter has to pause, take a deep breath and try to fix his tone before he continues, “Why is there glitter everywhere?”

Tony looks up from where he’s sitting on the floor with two of their three children. “Art project?”

Sensing Peter’s annoyance, Tony quickly continues, “We’ll clean up as soon as we’re done! It’s not my fault this time! June started asking and asking about a craft.”

“My one-year-old child who is only just learning how to talk, asked you to make a craft with her.” Peter’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. He rolls his eyes hard when he sees the amount of glitter that’s in Ben’s hair.

“I’ll clean it all up, I swear-”

“It’s fine,” Peter says, raking a hand through his hair. As much as Tony promises he’ll clean up, Peter will be finding glitter in the house for weeks after this and he’ll be the one who has to give the twins a bath.

Before Tony can argue anymore, Peter heads off to his bedroom, needing to get changed out of his button-down and slacks, needing to take a shower but knowing he doesn’t have the time, needing just a second to sit down.

“Daddy?”

Peter turns, fingers stilling on his buttons. “Hi, honey, how was your day?”

“Alright. Papa took us all to the park to see the ducks and the squirrels. You okay?” Elizabeth moves into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed, wide blue eyes focusing on him with an absurd amount of worry for a four-year-old. “Sorry ‘bout the glitter. I told Papa not to let Grandpa.”

“It’s alright, hon, thank you. I’m just tired from work. Do you want to do me a favour though?”

Elizabeth lights up, always prepared to do anything. “What?”

“Could you go tell your grandpa to let Papa watch your siblings while he picks up a cheesecake from the bakery?”

She giggles and takes off down the hallway, shouting, “Grandpa! Grandpa!”

Peter changes into loose clothes, Harley’s old sweater and pyjama pants because he can’t help himself from stealing his husband’s clothing even years into marriage. And finally sits down.

Harley appears only a moment later, quiet and doesn’t need to ask. He sits beside Peter, hesitates for just a second, and then wraps his arms around Peter. Immediately, Peter’s whole body relaxes into his husband, breathing evening out and muscles soothed.

“Thank you,” Peter murmurs, tucking his head into the crook of Harley’s neck, pressing a kiss to his jaw.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Peter shrugs. “It’s all the same stuff. I don’t know if they’ll ever get bored of telling me I’m too young to be CEO or that I’ve been given everything on a silver platter and don’t deserve it after all the work they’ve put in. I know they think I’m just some kid who got Tony’s attention, but I work hard, I went through a hell of a lot to get where I am, you know?”

“I know. You’re the hardest working, smartest person I know, sweetheart. You deserve the position more than any of those petty dumbasses. I don’t know how they don’t see how wonderful you are and I’m sorry you come home to this. I swear I asked Tony to keep the mess to a minimum and not to touch the glitter… I just needed a second to make dinner without kids on my feet.”

“But you’re…” Peter doesn’t want to ask the most insecure question there is. “You’re happy, though, right? Being a stay-at-home dad, spending all day with our kids. This is all still good?”

Harley smiles, kissing Peter’s head. “Of course I’m happy. I love you, I love our kids, I love us. I don’t think that’s ever going to change.”

“Good.”

Everything’s quiet for a second and then they hear the pounding footsteps of Elizabeth, followed by the doorbell ringing. A second later, chatting fills the apartment signaling Pepper, Morgan, and May arriving.

“We should go,” Peter says, smiling.

“You can have another minute, if you want. I can get May to watch the twins and Morgan to watch Liz while I make dinner with Pepper. You can take your time.”

Peter links their hands together, smile widening. “I’m okay as long as you promise you’ll be the one to vacuum the living room if I bathe the twins.”

“Anything for you.”

They head out of the room together, to greet their family, hand-in-hand. Pepper and May are already each carrying one of the twins. Morgan’s kneeling on the floor with Elizabeth, complimenting her hair and asking about school.

They all smile when they see the boys, taking turns to give hugs around the family.

Peter takes June from May, pressing a kiss to her forehead, trying to avoid the copious amounts of glitter on her. “What took you so long to get here? Traffic really that bad?”

“No, Morgan didn’t leave school at three. She was there until five.”

“Detention? Again?” Harley pipes up, wincing. He ruffles a hand through Elizabeth’s hair. “What did you do this time?”

Morgan grins. “There was this hot guy in my English class and I was totally staring which is why I saw him staring at the teacher’s chest! And I was grossed out so I followed him to Spanish where he stared at pretty much every single girl in the hallway! So I, may or may not have, slashed his tires.”

“And you got detention?” Peter asks, avoiding Pepper’s eyes when she glares at him for encouraging Morgan’s behavior.

“Right?” Morgan exclaims. “I couldn’t believe it! I told them like a hundred times that he was the one doing wrong, not me, but they said slashing his tires shouldn’t have been my response. But my English teacher was so grateful she gave him the responsibility of cleaning the classroom every day after school.”

Harley laughs. “Small victories, I guess. And I can’t really say much. I think my total number of detentions over four years at Rose Hill was something around four hundred. Anyway, I’ll be finishing up dinner in the kitchen, you wanna help me, Liz?”

“I’ll pop a wine?” Peter offers, needing a glass just as much as Pepper looks like she does.

“Can I have some?” Morgan looks to Peter despite needing permission from her mom.

Pepper rolls her eyes, not even bothering to answer as she heads off to the kitchen after Harley and Elizabeth, May in tow.

Morgan’s sixteen, not quite old enough to be allowed one, but Peter doesn’t mind bending the rules for his little sister. “Just a tiny bit and then you’ll be on juice like the little ones for the rest of the night, ‘kay?”

“Hell yeah!” Morgan exclaims, bouncing off to the kitchen. “This is why you’re the best, Peter!”

Peter stands at the door for a second, June still tucked against his side on his hip, a smile on his face.

Even if work feels hard somedays, even if his family drives him up the wall with their endless chaos, even if there’s glitter everywhere in his apartment, even if Morgan’s going through the worst of her teenage years, even if he’s one of the parents to two one-year-olds and a four-year-old, even if it’s hard, life is good.

He’s happy.

Taglist: @littlemissagrafina  @spidey-reids-2003  @romeoandjulietyouwish @c-artara @shadedrose01 @likeaphoenix13 @pj-hermes-tonystark-obsessed  @you-get-killed-walk-it-off @kitkatwinchester  @emo-girl10 @justme--emily  @hold-our-destiny @imalivebecauseirondad @spiderman-peterman @dykeragee @maryserrao @heeeyitskay @parknerandirondad @lilacsandlilies4 @loveliestdisappointment {Let me know if you wanna be added or removed}

[smokinholsters]

A Decision at the Crossroads

A Heartland AU - Chapter 4 – Finale

While Ty went to fetch his phone Amy popped open one of the side panels on the trailer and unsnapped the table that was first in line. She reached her arms wide to grab it and start lifting it out when Ty showed up.

“Whoa easy Amy, I’ll get it.”

“I’m fine.”

“Of course you are now back up please.”

“Thank you Ty.” She said and stepped aside “and 5 of the chairs please.”

“Six actually Kelsey’s coming.”

“Kelsey ?”

“Dr. Burton, my namesake apparently.” He said laying the table on it’s side and unfolding the legs. “Hey, this is nice set up.”

“We take trips with kids, believe me a table is always easier and cleaner than watching them balance plates. Besides it’s more homey and civilized.”

“I’ll file that away” he said maneuvering the table and then placing chairs as Amy opened and gave them a wipe with a damp cloth as well as the table. She had also removed a little basket with a tablecloth sealed in a zip loc bag, and began to spread it. As well as counting out silverware found in the basket as well.

“Ty there’s another basket with plates and more pitchers.” She said watching him walk over as she grabbed one pitcher from her now empty basket and put it on the table.

They set the table together, each handling three settings and Amy ran in for a roll of paper towels. He watched as she took a second to look at the table, nodded and walked over to lower herself into a chair slowly. She was wearing a blue dungaree dress that went down to her knees, it had ¾ sleeves and embroidery along the hem and collar. Obviously a maternity dress, he was captivated by her shape.

“You need to stop staring at me Ty, I’m becoming very self conscious, I already think I look like a beach ball.”

“You don’t, I’m sorry, you look great. Two kids, one on the way, I’m, I don’t know….”

“Three actually, you’re the first to hear, Clint Riley called, they have a foster for us, a young boy named Luke Kashani, he’s nine. Clint’s bringing him Monday.”

“Clint Riley, he’s still around huh. That’s nice, keeping that tradition going.”

“Yeah, Scott, you, Georgie, remember Badger, it’s nice.”

“Mitch mentioned Georgie and something with Lou, he also told me about the divorce.”

“Georgie was an orphan who ran away from her foster family in Okotoks, she stowed away in Grandpa’s pickup and found her way to Heartland. She was a keeper. The divorce is what it was I guess, it’s now amicable with benefits apparently, works for them.”

“Georgie lives with Lou at Heartland ?”

“Lou took a condo in town when she became Mayor and lives there with Katie. We fixed up the loft when I got back from Europe as a nice studio and I lived there alone and then with Mitch for awhile before moving to Saddle River, his family ranch, his parents have an independent living condo in Calgary. Georgie and Quinn are engaged and live in the loft, Grandpa and Lisa live in the house.”

“I heard Jack married Lisa, I saw an article about the Hall of Fame that mentioned it. I’m sorry about your dad Amy, I read about his passing.”

“The death of a legend, it was a nice tribute.”

“I saw a tribute to Lou as Mayor too, ordering the stay in place at home and closing Maggie’s early on definitely seemed to make a difference in the area.”

“It did and I think she’ll be remembered for that, this is her last term, she’s not running again. Enough about Hudson, tell me about you, is there someone special, Kelsey maybe ?”

“Nah, Kelsey and I never, there have been women over the years but I’m free now, I’m picky I guess.”

“Well when it happens you’ll know.”

“You and Mitch look happy.”

“We are, very happy.”

“How’s Jack ?”

“Older, pretty much retired, his arthritis, heart problems, a hard 90, for a former bronc rider and Alberta cowboy not fun.”

“Lisa ?”

“Lisa’s good, the perfect grandmother, she loves the kids. So does Casey, Lyndy adores them both. Mitch’s folks too.”

“Casey, I know this.”

“McMurtry.”

“Right, McMurtry Rodeos, they come around every couple years.”

She noticed quickly enough that he had changed the subject. “Ty ? Are you happy ?”

Ty looked at her and into her eyes, Amy could see that he wasn’t teary but there was disappointment, a small sadness in his face “I guess, I mean I don’t think I’m unhappy.”

“Were you happier yesterday ? Mitch said he thought you might be having a case of the might have beens.”

“I didn’t need to see you for that. The baby was eye popping don’t get me wrong and not in a bad way Amy, you look amazing, really the, well,  the high school boyfriend comment, that sort of slammed a world of reality down on me.”

“That’s what we were, we were an actual couple for most of my high school 3rd year, my senior year was a nightmare, we were way better as friends than as a couple Ty, we were a lousy couple.” She was smiling and not being harsh, her tone somewhat softly nostalgic, it was in fact a long time ago.

“Come on, that’s a bit extreme don’t you think ?”

“Really ? You really think ?” She said,  again somewhat amused and again not in anything more than the nostalgia of it “we had a good few months, you know Kit and the Quarantine and then I won the Ring of Fire and rather than joining me and perhaps a later bike trip in the summer to see some of the world you decided that you needed to go off alone for a few weeks. So, after the excitement of motels with my dad on tour and while I spent the rest of the summer working and doing what used to be your job on top of mine you came home almost 4 months later with a huge dose of misplaced maturity and Blair. Then Chase stuck his nose in, we were a good couple for 7 months, maybe. Look Ty, I know about what Grandpa did and he told me what led up to that talk and him sending you off. I don’t know what brought you to that point or why you didn’t come home, but it was your decision, we all had to live with your decision.”

“Looking back, I don’t know either honestly.”

“And I don’t know what would have happened if you had but I do know this, my life with Mitch and our kids feels so right to me that I can’t imagine life without him being a part of it, I’m not saying this to hurt you Ty, but your best days are still ahead of you.”

“So this is the honest conversation part we didn’t do back then huh ?”

“This is it.”

“How do you do it and go on together ?”

“You say it, get it out of your system and have sex, then you fix it in the morning.” She answered smiling.

“Well to be fair we weren’t, at the time, you know.” He said smiling.

“That’s true”, Amy agreed and immediately blushed and then agreed with a smirky smile and a nod, “hey, you’ve,  you know, since, right ?”

“Huh ?” Then realizing she meant had sex, “oh, oh yeah, no worries.”

“So, you’re still driving a classic truck I see, what’s that an early 70’s GMC ?”

“Yeah,’73, hey, whatever happened to Harley and Old Blue ?”

“After a while Caleb took Harley because, well, it broke my heart to see him every day and he eventually found him a nice home with a couple kids who were going to share him.”

“Sorry, I really wanted to,,,,, forget it. And the truck ?”

“Grandpa kept the truck running and in front of the house for months figuring if nothing else you’d show up in the night and drive it off but you didn’t and one day it wouldn’t start so he hauled it next to Goldie swearing he’d fix it one day.”

“So it’s just sitting there rotting ?”

“Well no actually, about the time Caleb sold Harley I was sick of looking at it so I got rid of it.”

“You sold it.”

“Well, in the interest of honesty, not exactly.”

“What does that mean, exactly ?”

“I attached the promise ring to the ignition key and had it crushed.”

“You had it crushed ?”

“I needed closure Ty, it was invigorating, a grand release of emotions.”

Ty stared at her for a few seconds in shock and then Amy started laughing and then holding her stomach bent over and laughing. “I’m sorry Ty.”

“It’s Ok” he said laughing along with her.

“Oh here, give me your hand.” She said reaching out, she loves it when I laugh “come on silly give me your hand” she prodded seeing the look on his face.

Finally she grabbed his hand and hauled it over, “come here I don’t bite,” gently she turned his palm and lay it over the right side of her belly holding her hand over his. A few seconds later she smiled, “there, feel that ?”

When she stretched out her leg rather than kicking Ty identified a second feeling and realizing it was really no different that any animal understood “that’s a stretch.”

“That’s it” she said gently releasing the pressure. “I think we’ll call her Marion, it’s time. Marion Fleming Cutty.”

“That’s really great, so Lyndy.”

“Lyndy Sarah, Mitch’s grandmother. Jackson Timothy and Marion no middle yet.”

“And Luke was it ?”

“Luke Kashani. I guess we’ll need something for a toast, is there a place to get some wine close by ?

“I have beer for dinner and a couple bottles of champagne I can donate to the cause. You drink ?”

“Oh no, I‘ve had a couple sips of champagne as toasts, wedding night and the like, but not, no, I don’t. Especially pregnant.”

“It was just a question Amy.”

She smiled and nodded, “you wouldn’t by any chance have any ice in there for the water ?”

“There’s an ice machine in the barn for ice packs and stuff.”

“You get the champagne, I’ll do the ice.” She said pushing herself up with a grunt.

He smiled watching her move, almost awkwardly, before turning to the house while she walked slowly into the barn.

She wasn’t at the table when he returned and neither were the pitchers so he walked over to the barn where he found the pitchers full of ice on a small table by the barn door and then heard her on the other side by the paddock. Following her voice he turned around the barn and found her engrossed in conversation with the three rescues she had never met. He stood there watching her and the horses who seemed very anxious to be close. The soft sing song pater of her voice a sweet memory for him, the miracle girl.

She turned and smiled “Oh hey, I saw them and figured I’d say hi. We should probably get them stalled and fed.”

“As soon as the guys get back we’ll get it done, you’re wearing a dress, come on.”

They returned to the table after Ty filled the cooler he carried out with ice as well, as a truck Amy did not know pulled up and an early 40’s woman stepped out and over. She had a welcoming smile and a pretty face.

Amy looked up and smiled, “you must be Kelsey, it’s good to meet you, I’m Amy Fleming, Mitch’s wife” she finished extending her hand.

“Kelsey Burton, good to meet you Amy,”

“Sit, relax, we’re waiting for Mitch and Matt to get back.”

“How far along are you if you don’t mind my asking.”

“Little over 5 months I guess, you have kids ?”

“Two, one about to start high school and one about to go to college. Mitch said this is your third, we never got to three before the arguing got too bad, we married way too young.”

They all turned as Mitch’s truck came onto the property, the large Cummins Diesel was not quiet as it pulled up.

Amy smiled when he got out the cab and opened the back door along with Matt repeating the act on the passenger side.

Ty walked off to grab the cooler he had put by the barn and offered beers to all. Amy poured a few waters on her side of the table as Kelsey helped with the food and Mitch and Matt led the horses into the barn.

Once laid out Kelsey examined the table.

“This is a lot of food you guys.” Kelsey said.

Mitch who had come out the barn wiping his hands on a paper towel glanced over at Amy who grinned and him and made a face “don’t you dare.” She said blushing.

“Still eats her weight ?” Ty asked seeing the exchange only to have a dinner roll thrown his way which he caught.

“Hey, what happened to civilized dinner ?” Ty said laughing before sitting down.

Dinner was long and drawn out. Kelsey and Ty talked about the practice, Matt had sheriff stories and Amy and Mitch talked about adventures of their own and their kids. Amy was surprised at the chemistry between Kelsey and Ty and the looks they passed to each other like old friends but maybe something more. Amy was past the age thing, her dad and Casey and Jack and Lisa proved that.  She was not surprised at all that Ty was friends with Kelsey’s kids or that Ty caught every baseball and hockey game her sons played, in and out of school. At one point during a lull in the eating Ty lifted the champagne so that Amy could see.

“Good a time as any.” She said reaching for clean cups and passing them over.

“Champagne, what are we celebrating ?” Mitch asked.

“Us” Amy said as Ty passed cups around after the big pop.

“Why us ?”

“Because sweetheart congratulations are generally tendered when one is told he’s about to become a father, Clint called before, we have a 9 year old foster son arriving Monday morning, Luke Kashani.”

“Luke Kashani, 9 years old, wow.” Mitch repeated.

“Congratulations you two, that’s wonderful” Kelsey announced raising her glass and tapping it to Mitch’s and then Amy’s iced tea that Mitch remembered to get. Soon they were onto 9 year old boy stories and Amy reached out to grab the platter of ribs and dropped them. Not hard but everyone turned to her as she reached for her side.

“Easy girl, mom’s just grabbing for some ribs.” She whispered and then seeing Mitch’s look took his hand as she had Ty’s and then kissed his palm, something she had not done to Ty before placing it on the spot.

“She’s really going at it.” He said smiling and then leaned forward to grab the ribs and bring them closer for Amy who smiled and kissed him before pushing a few onto her plate.

“What do they put in this Cole slaw, it’s always awesome and I can’t figure it out.” Kelsey asked putting some on her plate.

“It’s horseradish” Amy said after swallowing.

“Is this a pregnancy thing ?” Matt asked “heightened palate ?”

Amy shrugged trying to swallow her next bite before answering, “It’s years of studying herbs and alternate remedies. Single ingredients are easy usually unless the tastes are ambiguous like licorice and anise. Or I guess it could be the pregnancy thing” she finished looking up with a smile.

Kelsey was the first to leave, she had to get home to her teenagers. Mitch and Amy said goodbye as they wouldn’t be seeing her in the morning. Matt was game to leave as well, he had an early shift in the morning but promised to stop before they left which was planned for 9:00 AM. Ty helped clear away and helped Mitch with stowing the table and chairs while Amy split the food as Ty insisted they take enough for lunch on the way home. He promised he’s see them in the morning so goodnights were easy.

Later in the evening in the afterglow of their lovemaking Mitch had gone to get some cold water for Amy who settled herself into her current comfortable position, on her left side, pillow between her legs and her arm perched on her belly. Mitch lovingly held the glass out and helped her take a drink without moving much or spilling and then settled as usual behind her, his arm sliding under hers as he leaned forward to kiss her shoulder.

“You had a chance to catch up with Ty ?”

“I did, it was nice.”

“He Ok ?”

“You were a bit right I think, the could have beens but we had a good talk, it went well.”

“Seemed to from my perspective. How about you ? Could have beens ?”

“Not on your life Mitchell Cutty, I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone but you.”

“Good to hear and back at you Amy Fleming.”

Amy leaned back as far as she could to catch his lips with hers for a moment before returning to her spot.

In the morning Amy woke to the closing of a car door and a truck start. Peeking out the window she saw Ty’s truck drive off and wondered if he was just getting out without a proper goodbye. When she finally showered and dressed and headed outside with a cup of tea and her breakfast of muffins and clementines she found a note tucked into the trailer door. It said that he was called away for a calving that wasn’t going well but expected to be back by nine when they were scheduled to leave.

Matt arrived after Mitch got his coffee going and decided to wait with them while it perked and join Mitch for a cup. He wasn’t surprised to find Ty gone for an emergency, that was his job as long as Kelsey had kids to get off to school and he was fine with it.

Before he left Matt got a call from Ty and explained that he was almost done but rather than make Mitch and Amy wait he’d meet them for their goodbye as a scenic pull off about 5 miles down the road south, the direction they were heading anyway.

Matt helped them pack up and load the horses, made sure they knew where to go and watched and waved as Amy pulled out first followed by Mitch and the trailer.

They parked and leaned against the overlook fence when Mitch received a text that Ty was on the way. He joined them 10 minutes later full of apologies that they discounted as completed unwarranted and totally understood.

Mitch went first and shook Ty’s hand before a brief bro hug and then walked off to close the trailer that they had opened for the horses benefit.

Amy walked over to Ty and gently ran a finger gently across his brow to move his hair away from his eyes.

“I’d forgotten just how green they were.” She said dropping her hand and smiling.

“Back home ?”

“I have to tell them Ty but we’ll leave contact up to you.”

“Thanks.”

Amy heard the door trailer handle locked into place and took a step forward to reach around Ty for a hug before stepping back.

“Find yourself a woman who loses herself in those eyes Ty and then hold on.”

“I’ll try ?”

“She can be a little older you know.”

“She’s my boss Amy.”

“And soon to be your partner, think about it, you’re a good catch with a big heart Ty Borden, it’s time to stop running. Oh, and I was technically your boss for a while there.” Then she leaned forward and kissed each of his cheeks gently. “Don’t be a stranger, you’d make Grandpa’s day with a call.”

“I will.”

“Goodbye Ty, it’s nice knowing you’re doing well.”

He walked her to her truck as Mitch got into the cab of his and Ty helped Amy in and watched her settle and buckle up before closing her door.

“Bye Amy, It was great seeing you and meeting Mitch.”

Amy smiled and nodded as Ty stepped back and she shifted into drive and drove out followed by Mitch who smiled and waved.

A few miles down the road Amy smiled when the next song was announced and she switched on the truck to truck radio to have Mitch join in when she started singing.

Together, they were the perfect couple.

“Almost heaven, West Virginia

Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River

Life is old there, older than the trees

Younger than the mountains, growing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home

To the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain mama

Take me home, country roads

All my memories gather 'round her

Miner's lady, stranger to blue water

Dark and dusty, painted on the sky

Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye ……..”

The End.

[fatedfuturist]

things about my interpretation of tony stark. updated june 07, 2020.

here’s my exhaustive explanation for how i am not canon-compliant with the events and characterization of the mcu.

the reason for this is… well, there are several reasons, but i don’t want to stir shit up or just, in general, stomp on anyone else’s love for the mcu. and don’t get me wrong— i do love the mcu! but there are parts i’m critical of for personal reason, as we all have opinions on certain things. bc, yeah, you can love something, or someone, and still be logically critical about it or them.

anyway, here’s where my interpretation differs…

as per stated on my rules: i take inspiration for tony from multiple sources, including the mcu, marvel comics, the television show: avengers assemble, and my own personal headcanons. TONY IS ALSO ASIAN (SPECIFICALLY CHINESE) AMERICAN!!

i will admit that saying this isn’t particularly helpful if people don’t know, specifically, where i differ in terms of my interpretation of our dumbass genius. some of this info is scattered about on my blog, but here, it’s all consolidated into one post.

chen kun is my face claim, and i do use stuff from tony’s story from the mcu as a base. however, there are events and moments from the movies, that i selectively ignore due to personal preference; and then i build on top of my foundation with ideas, themes, and/or events from other sources such as the aforementioned sources listed above.

throwing this all under a read more because, like i said: exhaustive list. very. very. very fucking long. i’m serious– read at your own risk.

howard stark was an extremely abusive and absent father for all of tony’s childhood; tony did actively seek attention and approval from howard because he was rather aware of how famous he was and wanted the acceptance and validation from his dad; there wasn’t much shown in the mcu regarding his relationship with his father, but my inspiration for his father-son relationship comes from the comics;

an example of his verbal abuse: “you don’t want to be a sissy, now do you? stark men are made of iron!” (Iron Man, 1968);

an example of early exposure to alcohol: at age five, howard forced a drink into tony’s hand (which he did drink), stating that it would teach him “to be a man,” and that it’d “put hair on your chest” (Iron Man, 1968);

yes, this means that tony ‘forgiving’ howard in endgame is completely chucked out the window;

tony loses his parents the night of december 16, 1996 (not 12/16/1991), at the age of seventeen;

jarvis, the family butler, was more of a father to tony than howard ever was, and yes, this is why he names his first fully-functioning AI system jarvis;

tony was close with his mother, maria; she was his safehouse, and she taught him to be gentle and loving, and she also taught him the piano, which tony still periodically practices during his own time in private. in an avengers assemble episode, there is a piano in the tower that tony protects twice, which i reckon is because it has connections to his past with maria;

tony ain’t an old grandpa. i don’t see him being older than, like, 35–40 in the present time for my writing (chen kun is 44). this comes from comic and avengers assemble inspiration, which has been fairly ambiguous since they never mention his age. for plotting purposes in the mcu though, yes, he can be like 42–52 if needed.

tony is, by default, single unless otherwise stated. the reason for this is simply because i’m not big on tony / pepper in the mcu, and it’s not because i don’t like pepper (i love her as a character as an individual), but i just saw that the way they were written (so, this, yes, blames the mcu writers) was completely trash; they sort of redeemed it in endgame, but... in general, they had a lot of potential but then some writing choices pretty much ruined the ship for me;

this means that morgan does not exist unless otherwise specified and discussed, though i do enjoy the concert of tony being a dad to his own kid and breaking that cycle of howard’s shitty parenting;

i’m going to be as honest and transparent as i can: i do, for certain, love writing stevetony. they’re my primary ship. not simply in mcu dynamics, but from the comics and avengers assemble. however, like some can attest to, i will never force a ship on anyone. if you express no interest in them romantically? that’s fine. we can write them simply as good friends and comrades. i won’t stop writing or plotting with you if you don’t like them in a romantic dynamic. if you do like it that way? cool. i know it might be intimidating to discuss this given i look like complete trash for them, but i never choose who i will/will not write with based on whether we ship or not;

tony, publicly, hints toward being bisexual and biromantic a lot of the time as he’ll practically flirt with anyone at all times, but he never really openly admits it due to his oh-so ancient internalized homophobia (thank you for that one, howard and societal expectations of the time);

justin hammer is a long time rival in the industry, and often meddles with tony and his work all the time. it’s nothing new. the lack of foundation established in IM2 doesn’t provide much insight into their relationship. long story short (taken from avengers assemble): hammer is a punk bitch who’s jealous and tony is tired of him and will gladly beat his ass any day of the week whenever he drives a tank into his front door (which happens more often than not).

tony is fantastic with children. he loves getting to interact with children because he knows how excited they are to see him and/or iron man (seen in both the mcu and in the comics). this type of attention he’s okay about. if he can inspire children to do good things and be good people and be heroes in their own right, then he’s doing his job;

tony fosters the intelligence and dreams of bright individuals all the time by offering scholarships for high school graduates and post-secondary students, and also provides internship opportunities (equal opportunities regardless of race, sex, gender, religion, disability status, age, etc.)

we only see this occur with peter and harley in the mcu, but there are other kids— like riri williams! tony sees these kids for the bright minds that they have and he wants to help them and keep them safe as he knows these are the brains of the future.

let me run over iron man 3. like i said, i ignore some shit from the movies. tony doesn’t initiate the clean slate protocol, he doesn’t throw the arc reactor into the ocean, and he doesn’t remove the arc reactor from his chest. he will get surgery to get the shrapnel removed because if i were the follow the pain that comes with the comics, tony would literally be always on the verge of death at all times, requiring a chest plate to be recharged constantly to make sure the shrapnel doesn’t get closer– see? that’s a lot and i’m... lazy.

the reason for those choices are simple: clean slate protocol undoes his character progression;

the arc reactor is just a part of him as a person, stands as his heart;

avengers movie nights, (video/board) game nights, and training days exist and you will never be able to pry that out of my hands. tony always shows up fashionably late with coffee and pays for when shit gets broken by thor. team building exercises exist plenty within avengers assemble, including the fact that they share chores and decides who gets to do the next load of laundry from whoever chooses the short stick from the bunch.

tony has had anxiety and depression since he was a child. it just didn’t really flare up and get identified as a real, tangible mess of emotions and thoughts until he’d been kidnapped (and nearly died, at that). it got worse when he failed to address it until after IM3. into the present-day, tony deals with anxiety, depression, and PTSD all the time, but has improved (…sort of) when it comes to handling all of it, and certainly has grown to recognize similar symptoms in the people he cares about;

on another hand, tony has displayed symptoms of ADHD, but it’s not officially diagnosed, and some of these symptoms include, but are not limited to: hyperactivity (staying awake for days on end) and hyperfocus (hyper-focus on work), distractible (easily distracted when he’s not focused on something), rambling (talks a lot and often makes rather intuitive connections due to how busy his brain functions), impulsivity and recklessness (self explanatory), constant need to move around and/or do something (in meetings, he will be moving somehow, whether it’s tapping fingers or feet, or shifting around in his seat);

there are days where he feels inferior due to how human he knows he is (in comparison to most of his team), and other days, he feels as though he’s more machine than he is man. these feelings fluctuate depending on how he’s doing with his mental health, and/or if he hears and/or sees anything about him that points toward either idea;

there is always overwhelming guilt for those he can’t keep safe or people that die; tony doesn’t like to kill anybody (unless it’s robots, because… they’re robots, not human lives); though, if pushed far enough with no other choice, he will throw conventional morality out the window for the sake of protecting all that he believes to be for the good of the world;

tony isn’t jacked. he isn’t captain america fit, but he isn’t particularly thin, either. his body is sort of like a runner’s build (for visuals, refer to valerio schiti’s comic art of tony). i interpret tony’s body as a slight bit slimmer. he exercises, and being in the suit also is its own form of exercise. god forbid we discuss his eating habits, though. and–– he also isn’t short short, but he isn’t tall, either. he sits at 5’10”, which might be a little below the average male, but that’s about it.

speaking of eating habits, simply put: tony can’t cook for shit and that’s it. he’ll try to cook for his significant others’ on the occasion, but he can’t be blamed if he burns everything.

tony isn’t ‘woke’ or perfect, as it’s imperative to remember he grew up as rich and with financial and some social class privilege (since he was rich), despite the abuse and harassment he experienced during his youth. it’s taken him time to recognize this, and he realizes it really doesn’t cost anything to be a better person, which is why he tries to be better when it comes to his tone of voice when discussing certain topics he has no authority to be speaking of, and by taking action with simple manual labour when it comes to chores (so he doesn’t hire other people to do shit for him). he also knows he can’t be a man of ‘all bark and no bite’ when it comes to supporting people and causes, hence why he actively advocates for female and youth empowerment through both words and actions.

in regards to ca:cw events, i would prefer to ignore them. for specific-plotting purposes, this can be dropped, but i prefer the events of avengers assemble when it comes to ‘civil war’. it’s actually really simple:

tony was not honest about his intentions with the team regarding a robot that was initially made for him by howard, which ended up with an ultron reboot that nearly risked loads of civilian lives and the team’s lives;

steve confronted tony about it when they returned back to avengers tower. with tony’s insistence that everything was now fine, steve decided to resign due to tony’s dishonesty and lack of trust in the team;

this splits the team in half, where steve takes— well, they decided to leave since they didn't like tony's lack of honesty— natasha, the hulk, and the falcon to work under SHIELD as the ‘secret avengers,’ and tony, clint, and thor remain as leftover avengers (later with the addition of ant-man and temporarily, spider-man, in some missions);

in the end, they all join back together after learning to appreciate their differences and reconciling under the fact that there wouldn’t be any more secrets that could risk the world, and the team’s safety;

if i am to follow the events of the mcu— between ca:cw and infinity war, he develops nanotech for his armour, which is embedded into his very skin to accommodate for nanobots, which interacts via neural transmissions (visuals here);

tony recognizes that he lost his temper and let his emotions get to him in the moment, which fucked up shit that could’ve been talked through and fixed;

tony is an alcoholic. he recognizes that he always will be, though he’s always working toward sobriety. he certainly relapses every so often when things are rough and he feels as if he has no other options, but he’s aware that relapsing is part of the process of recovery. he has attended AA meetings (alcoholics anonymous), and has been AA sponsors for people in the past;

to skim through the events of infinity war and endgame should these be part of the things you’re curious about (this is getting really long and i’m sure you’re tired of reading this—how have you gotten this far?):

after returning from space, tony took a few months (~ five) to recover from those three months of malnutrition, dehydration, and the wound of thanos’ stab. tony sealed the front of his injury, but he sure as hell wasn’t seen dealing with the back end. during this time, he’s able to regain some muscle mass;

he lives on his own, retreating to the cabin to escape from the responsibilities of being a fallen hero who ultimately failed the people he was supposed to protect.

during the five year gap, he keeps in contact with the other avengers, but very rarely. they’re the only ones who know where he lives;

like i said— tony does not say any of that forgiving bullcrap to howard. victims of abuse don’t have to forgive their abuser, parent or not. let’s just imagine the entire interaction didn’t happen at all;

tony doesn’t die;

he used the infinity stones; but, to maintain consistency with what the mcu established w/ thanos: he sustained significant damage to his right arm, up to the shoulder and neck. it’s gravely scarred. the overall function of that arm also diminished greatly. vision out of his right eye is not as sharp as it once was, either;

a year of recovery and physiotherapy later, tony decides to amputate and go for a prosthetic. he works with shuri and wakandan tech to build an arm;

despite the end of the looming, world-ending thread, tony still battles resurfacing trauma. not every day is happy, but he is working toward recovery. there are days he doesn’t remember chunks of what happened due to the power of the infinity stones; sometimes, he doesn’t even want to remember it, anyway;

tony retires. sort of. for the most part. if the world really needs iron man, he’ll be there;

tony may have handed CEO-ship to pepper, but he still handles a lot of work for stark industries, and that’s what he primarily does post-endgame.

the multiverse and realm-traveling happens a-fucking-lot 

[golgoterror]

Alright, this is ungodly long, but I just wanted to talk about something regarding Jake. 

A lot of this fandom -- at least, from what I’ve seen -- label Jake as stupid. Some may even say Jake and smart are antonyms. This could not be further from the truth. It almost irritates me how much the fandom places this mischaracterization on him. Also, I get to talk about The Lad™ for about ten pages worth of words on Google docs, which is always very, very fun for me.

Well, first things first, let’s talk about the child genius and multi-billionaire polymath that is Jake English.

Puzzle Modus.

Let’s begin with something small. Jake’s modus is of puzzlekind! This is described as:

It's quite a handy modus, allowing you to captchalogue objects of any size, as long as you can fit them all in a finite space by maneuvering the cards around like a big game of Tetris. You like it because it keeps you sharp for solving any puzzles you might find when you go out raiding hallowed tombs, which is never. (x)

He likes puzzles! This is a huge headcanon I absolutely adore that has a basis in the comic: He’s a puzzles guy! This is just sort of a neat little fact about him that I adore to the moon and back. Just the idea of Jake fiddling about with a Rubik’s Cube is kind of adorable.

This is how he goes about doing everything every day of his life. I think that’s just amazing! And incredibly smart of him, I might add.

Skaianet. 

Jake is shown in the credits to take over Skaianet after the game ended. For those unfamiliar, Skaianet made many things for the game, including but not limited to: the interstellar travel we see, transportalizers, the lab by Rose’s house, all Jake’s fancy-schmancy computers, and Sburb itself. In the beta timeline, Grandpa Harley founded Skaianet. In the alpha timeline, Grandma English did. I know Jake didn’t start it up and trying to pass off his alt-timeline self as him is a bit far-fetched at best, but he had the spoons to take it over. I think that speaks volumes for Jake’s intelligence -- this implies, at the very least, he can understand mathematics and physics at a high level. Remind you of someone we already know?

It is also important to note that Jake does, in fact, build the company back from the ground up, because it went to shit before his grandmother died:

GT: Pretty sure her company made a tidy fortune til it went belly up. At least i still have a few of her knickknacks for keepsakes. (x)

So he built an interstellar company back up -- using what his intelligent grandmother had once used -- to being very useful and practical once again. 

As someone with a degree in mathematics and about to finish a degree in physics, I can say this sort of work would for sure require at the very least a decent understanding of quantum mechanics, statistical mechanics, electrodynamics, calculus (vector and differential forms), ordinary and partial differential equations, and perhaps other things like topology. I don’t know about you -- and I’m probably tooting my own horn a bit by saying this -- but I think that’s pretty nifty, if I do say so myself. 

Actor.

Once again, I’m reaching into the credits to show that Jake has become a movie star after the game ends. Memorizing all those lines, slipping into characters... Being an actor is no easy feat. 

( Side note: This leads into my headcanon that Jake can imitate accents and voices on a whim. No more arguing about whether he has a British, American, or Australian accent -- you’re all right! )

And I would like to add he has two jobs! Skaianet and being a movie star! This guy’s a fucking polymath for Christ’s sake.

Reading People.

Let’s start of simple: Brain Ghost Dirk. I can hear the outcries now of Dirk’s powers being the cause for this. And, yes, I can’t ignore Dirk’s influence in this, but Jake’s hope powers were also needed for the projection to come alive. And the fact he was able to make such a startlingly accurate projecting of Dirk in his own mind is astounding -- even BGD himself thinks so!

TT: You could view me as a projection of the real Dirk within your mind, as expressed through all of your thought patterns about him. TT: So I'm kind of a splinter of his corporeal self who happens to live in your awareness. TT: I'm a startlingly close approximation to the real thing, for all intents and purposes. GT: Just how startlingly close are we talking? TT: I'm not going to give you a bogus percentage like the glasses cause that's not my shtick. TT: But pretty damn close. (x)

A very deep understanding of the other is needed for Jake to do this. That is pretty fucking incredible. He can clearly read people really well -- he had a few times where he was cluing in on Jane and Dirk have feelings for him:

TG: its one of those things jane likes about u so much GT: It is? TG: which TG: errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im not supposed to talk about 2 u evr so nm GT: Talk about what? TG: nope GT: You mean how um... GT: Well a way in which i suppose... TG: no nope GT: Jane is prone to looking upon me with what i fathom to be more than just friendly affection? (x)

TT: I guess call it an extra birthday present. But instead of a present that's awesome, consider it more like a weird confession that may change the way you feel about me. GT: Whoa uh... GT: Dirk are you... uh... GT: Saying what i think? (x)

He’s not completely clueless on people! In fact, he seems to have a really good understanding of his friends. That’s something a lot of people seem to forget because of the incident that I will be getting to later on.

Fending For Himself.

I’ve already written quite a bit on this, but I’ll sum it up here: Jake is exceptionally good at living in the wild and taking care of himself. Sort of like a wild garden; he doesn’t need to be taken care of. Survival skills, especially around fighting and fending off things, aren’t something everyone has. This, once again, counts in his favour, even if it doesn’t line-up with “book smarts”.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

That’s five things! It’s clear Jake is, in fact, a polymath and incredibly intelligent. So, what’s with the fandom painting him as being dumb? What’s with people actually thinking he’s stupid? I think we can all take several wild guesses as to why that’s the case.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Takes things literally.

This is something that plagues Jake quite a lot. Case in point:

GT: Wow like the epic kevin costner film? TT: Almost exactly. Especially by the same degree of shittiness. GT: Oh man does that mean you have to drink your own pee?????? TT: You get used to the taste. Welcome it, even. TT: That takes about 15 days in a row of hard piss drinking though. GT: Ewwwwwwwwwwww no dude. No ew. :( TT: Relax, I don't drink any goddamn piss, ok? GT: Oh ok. Whew. (x)

But, well, let’s address the elephant in the room. The chat I laughed so hard at when I read it the first time due to pure, unadulterated second-hand embarrassment: Jake asking Jane if she had feelings for him.

Let’s analyze this, shall we? Jake starts off by being vague as all Hell, and I’ll spare those details, until finally...

GT: Just come out and say it. Do you fancy me? GG: No! GT: I see. GT: Very well then. GT: Jeez i mustve really misread that one! I feel like kind of a bone head now. (x / x)

Okay, she says no, and he backs off. That’s fine and dand--

GG: No!!!!!! GG: Oh my God, what am I saying here? GG: Jake, I didn't mean it! I didn't want to make you feel that way! GT: Now jane lets not backpedal here. GT: Youve spoken the truth and i greatly appreciate and respect you for that. GT: But now that i think about it you know what? GG: ... GG: No? :( GT: Please dont take this the wrong way but your answer is actually kind of a relief! (x)

... Oh, right. Yeah. It keeps going. It just keeps--

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! GG: Haha, yes! GG: Friends!!!! GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! (x)

Sweet Jesus, Jake.

GG: Me? GG: HOO HOO HOO! GG: I'm just GG: Terrific! GG: I'm feeling so... GG: Friendly!!! GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? GG: Shit I mean GG: Ahahahah! GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. (x)

Alright, alright, enough! You all remember the fucking chat. 

Regardless, it’s very apparent Jake takes things at face value. I also will cite him talking to Jane before her birthday, but not list examples, because what happened above will just happen once again. 

Okay, so he takes things at face value. What’s wrong with that? He trusts people to not lie to his face -- to not sugarcoat things or beat around any bushes. Perhaps I’m projecting a bit, but I do the same damn thing. I think a lot of people do! I don’t think reading things as fact over text is a good measure of someone’s intellect. All it does is show he has issues with communication. Okay, so he struggles with one thing. Sue me.

Doesn’t catch things right away.

Yeah okay I’m just gonna dump a few examples of this.

GT: Haha wow. Must have been a hell of a guy. TT: So... TT: You're not making any connections there? GT: Where? Huh? TT: Famous comedian, about the age of your grandma, inheriting the family name of the Baroness... TT: Not ringing a bell? GT: What are you talking about! Dirk stop speaking in riddles and keep telling the story i am on tenterhooks here! TT: Ok, well it's not like it's that important. Just a super obvious thing that'll probably occur to you later when you're looking in the fridge you don't have, at which point you'll feel like an idiot. GT: Oh my god you can be one opaque motherfucker just clue me in bro! TT: Nah, it'll be funnier this way. GT: STRIIIIIIDEEEERRRRRRRR!!!!! TT: Moving on. (x)

GT: Whats going on? TT: Took you long enough to figure it out. TT: Pages really are a slow burning class. Damn. GT: Figure what out! TT: You're asleep. (x)

This leads into the point above. His mind doesn’t work that way -- but that doesn’t mean he’s not intelligent. He needs everything laid out in front of him so he can make the connections and understand what’s happening, but there’s no real harm in this, and it certainly doesn’t dictate whether the guy is “intelligent” or not.

There are many, many more examples in canon depicting Jake as having difficulties with communication and you all can open most of his pesterlogs and probably find one. I’m not going to list anymore. But, hold your horses, I swear I’m getting to a point!

Difficulty reading.

A lot of the media Jake consumes is picture-based. Movies, comics, even the puzzles are most likely spacial and probably not riddles. It’s not far to imagine Jake might not be a terribly good reader, considering nobody was really around to make him read. Of course, his grandmother was around when he was little, so he can read -- and he can read just fine. But he probably isn’t very good at it simply from lack of practice. He also has terrible grammar, something Jane picks on him for, so it’s entirely possible that’s a contributing factor. He may just have trouble reading and writing.

Speaking from experience, I have dyslexia. As such, reading and writing are incredibly hard for me. I never read the books in my literature classes -- both in English and French -- but I did get the gist of the books (enough to get a decent mark in the class at least) by watching a movie adaptation of the novel. I don’t think it’s that far-off to think Jake may, indeed, do the same thing.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

NOTE: This next part is a bit hard for me to write, because I don’t want to vilify any of you. It might not have clued in on anyone or maybe you just saw Jake as a sort of comic relief and meant no harm by it. And I hope shining a light on this will make you all think twice about the guy. However, I can’t really avoid this next part, and I may get a bit emotional in it. Just a bit of a warning.

All of the above points are just me trying to say Jake probably has undiagnosed learning disabilities and perhaps autism. I don’t think I need to go into detail about how those don’t make someone “stupid”. If you think that’s the case, fuck you. I can’t argue with ableists, much less do I actually want to. 

NOTE: I wrote a thing on his speech impediments. That may be of interest too. I don’t really know, but here it is nonetheless.

My take-away message here is: just because someone struggles with socialization or other things doesn’t mean fucking anything in terms of their intelligence. Jake is very clearly smart and has the ability to read people incredibly well -- to the point of making copies of them! Perhaps it’s just a bit easy to underestimate the guy compared to other characters, though.

There are other things that muddy this up a bit, unfortunately.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Trolling.

Jake is such a fucking troll. Jesus shitting Christ, does he get a kick out of acting stupid just to make the other person look silly. Or perhaps even to make himself laugh in the process. Case in point:

uu: I WILL JUST BE YOUR PATRON DUDE. uu: OR MAYBE. YOUR PATRON MANBRO. GT: Sounds pretty gay. uu: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? GT: Whats what? uu: GAY. WHAT'S GAY YOU IDIOT FUCK. GT: Oh right. GT: Forgive me i forget you arent familiar with all of my earth lingo. GT: Its like... GT: How do i explain. GT: You know. Its a rather old fashioned term for being jolly and festive together. GT: Like "that rollicking time we had scrumming the other eve sure was gay." uu: I SEE. uu: THEN YES. YOU ARE CORRECT. uu: THIS IS GOING TO BE GAY AS HELL. (x)

Look at his goddamn face during this exchange:

That little bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. 

And these aren’t stand-alone events! Jake is very, very silly and will use the fact others see him as stupid to have a little fun. May as well, right? And, in the process, he makes others look pretty damn stupid. 

But sometimes it’s a bit hard to tell when he’s acting stupid against when he’s genuinely not getting something. I think he even fools himself sometimes! So you have to be a bit careful about fake-outs. I’m sure even the other alphas have trouble deducing when he’s doing this -- which only adds to the myth of him actually being “stupid” when viewed on first-glace.

He probably also does this with crushes, purposefully ignoring the signs because he doesn’t want to deal with it or may not believe anyone could like him that way. After all, if he’s wrong, he may think himself to be conceded and having a big head. So, he ignores the signs, thus convincing himself the feelings aren’t there. Then he gets absolutely fucking bamboozled beyond belief to find out they actually do like him. But that’s just a little side-note.

Thinks he’s stupid.

This one is just a bit... Sad. Very sad. Jake genuinely does think he’s stupid. Quite a lot, really. 

GT: I shoulda asked where he fit into the picture if you were raised alone. I can be dumb as a bag of penny candy sometimes. (x)

Just... Man, he’s been called and treated as stupid so many times, he’s at the point where he believes it. If you asked him, he’d say Dirk is a genius, Roxy is always smart and sassy, and Jane is brilliant. (I don’t have a source for that last one but... Come on. She lectures him about grammar. Don’t fuck with me.) But when it comes to himself? He can’t say the same. Of course he then acts that way. He sees himself as a burly adventurer who is also a gentleman and tries to live up to that. No where along those lines does he think he’s intelligent. And that’s just... a little heartbreaking, really, all things considered.

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Can’t believe this blog is just me going, “Wanna see how fast I can talk about Jake?”, and a shit-ton of people all nodding before I talk for six hours straight. Anyway, take-home message is: Jake’s smart. Jake’s very, very smart. He’s also a himbo, but he’s incredibly smart. Just because he has learning disabilities doesn’t mean fuck-all. 

Thank you for coming to my TedTalk. There are drinks and refreshments in the back. Have a safe trip home. Remember to tip your waiters and waitresses. Jesus fuck can I run this gag any harder into the ground? Giving me language was a mistake. No but, really, if you read this whole damn thing, thank you! I hope this was as fun to read as it was to write.