#i realized i’ve been misspelling their last name

[neishroom]

Gabriel and his friends aged up into a teenagers guys... he has the geek + adventurous trait with the live fast aspiration :]

I KNOW I CHANGED HIS TRAITS FROM MY ORIGINAL TEEN CALL OUT POST

[foldingfittedsheets]

My beloved requested we get pizza tonight from the place I got fired. It’s been long enough that I’m not salty, it’s good pizza.

It was packed which wasn’t too unusual for a Friday night but the line was crawling at a super slow pace which was unusual. As we got closer we realized there was a massive table full of uncooked pizzas waiting to go in the oven. Which like, how?

We also saw they didn’t have dough pressed and ready and were frantically doing that while restocking the line with pepperoni and mushrooms.

A harried man shouted it would be at least a 30 minute wait. After a moment he added that they were hiring. It took every ounce of willpower not to shout that that I’d been fired once already but I’d go for twice.

I kept looking for a reason for this predicament. What had happened to set them so far behind? Why hadn’t they had a ton of dough pressed and ready for a Friday night? It seemed absurd that they couldn’t handle a Friday crowd.

After waiting for thirty minutes in line, we got up to order. The girl misspelled my name in the most bizarre way I’ve ever seen in the manner of someone who’s brain has moved passed stress into madness.

She didn’t have dough to make our pizzas but was gamely pressing on with taking our order when the fire alarm got pulled.

The whole restaurant had to empty and the staff looked like they were at the end of their ropes. We got outside and my beloved was ravenous. They had sat in traffic for an hour to get here from work. I kissed their face and told them I’d go pick up pizza at another location and meet them at home. They thanked me effusively and we parted. I saw the fire truck arrive as I pulled away.

When I arrived the other location was *dead*. There were only three customers. But I immediately recognized one of them as the girl who had been behind us in line at the last place. “Are you…?” I asked

“Yes. What do you want to bet they pulled that alarm themselves?”

We laughed and finally got our pizzas, drifting our separate ways after our shared unreasonably long quest for dinner.

[sweetenerobert]

toy story

8.1k | action figure!joel miller x male reader

summary: contemplating throwing out your favorite toy, he comes to life and makes your last night before you leave for college memorable

warnings: MDNI 18+, agalmatophilia, strong language, slight possessive joel, childhood friends to lovers (if you squint) no mention of age besides reader leaving for college, l-word drops, pet names (mostly doll and baby), spanking, dirty talking joel, no description of reader, but joel lifts you (1), oral (m!giving/m!receiving) rimming, spit as lube, unprotected p in a, creampie,

inspired by this post , also huge thanks to @strang3lov3 new tattoo for this fucking idea, i love you so much and thank you for letting me rant to you about this idea that been in my drafts for FUCKING MONTHS

thanks to @minispidey for beta, love you <333

dividers by @saradika-graphics

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I’VE MISSED YOU GUYS!! SOOO MUCH!!

Moonlight piercing through the cotton curtains of your childhood bedroom, dust dancing through the luminescent shards from your window. Two boxes stacked on each other in the corner of your room, your closet’s life ripped away from the clothes once hung in the small confined space. 

Wiping the sweat that littered your forehead as you huffed a breath, you lay down on the small circular rug that riddled the floor, staring at the ceiling light. You were getting ready to leave for college, and packing up your life seemed more stressful than lifting weights off your shoulders. 

Constant choices about what to throw away or bring with you kept swimming in your brain, and overthinking two simple decisions kept making your head spin, mostly ending with you sitting silently thinking about your answer. This wasn’t one of those situations; you had just finished packing and felt like you deserved a break.

Alone in your childhood home while your parents had picked up late shifts and your siblings were out, the silence was deafening, but you preferred the quiet. It gave you time to process everything. Seeing the stars tapped onto your ceiling made you smirk as you glanced around your bare room.

Eyes catching an object underneath the bed, you turned your body to understand the object better. It was your old lumberjack action figure when you were a kid; it must’ve fallen off the shelf over your window. You don’t remember if it came with a name or you made it up, but you called him Joel. 

That name stuck with you until now, even when you were a kid, when you introduced Joel to your friends as they commented on it. Being a “weird name,” you didn’t care; you loved the name. 

Attempting to grab him from the bed, you realize that it would be easier to grab Joel from your bed. You were quickly climbing up on your bed and scrambling to the side, quickly sliding your hand down the crack of the wall and your bed. Tips of your fingers grazing the fake axe on the back of the action figure, biting your lip as your nail pulls the toy closer towards the wall, retracting your head a few feet up as you see it closer to the wall.

The action figure is in your grasp, sliding your knuckles up on the cold wall while your palm touches the cotton sheets wrapped around your mattress. The toy is now in your hand, and you notice how it’s looked the same after all the years. A couple of tiny patches of color are missing from his plastic hair, and his face and plastic beard stay the same. Joel’s clothes are dusty, balls of lint cover his pants and shirt, and his boots are dustier than anything. You quickly blow a puff of air, trying to clean him off the best you can.

“Hey, Joel. How ya been?’ 

Did I use to talk to this thing? Man, I was a weird kid. 

Joel was your therapist before you even knew what therapy was — telling him about how you finally could spell Wednesday without misspelling it, How you passed each spelling/vocabulary test, and how the boys at school were bullying you. Joel always listened to you; he was your toy, and he didn’t care as long as he was there to protect you – metaphorically.

Loving Joel was easy—he was your first crush—but trying to explain that to a toy was difficult. Bringing Joel with you to live in your college dorm seemed like a hard decision. Glancing at the tiny trash can next to your bed, you glance back at Joel and discard him in the trash bin. 

Wiping your hands on your pants, you looked at the bags and boxes that had cluttered the corner of your room and huffed a breath in annoyance as you decided it would be wise to have your life packed away downstairs.

It didn’t take you long to realize how much you hated your fucking stairs. You were leaning on the top of the stairs – on the handrail, catching your breath. Your bedroom was in your field of view; you would’ve crawled into your room if your knees hadn’t creaked with each movement. 

One of the main things you wouldn’t miss about your house would be the stairs that killed you slowly with each trip up and down the wooden stairwell. 

Slowly getting up from the floor, your feet trudged towards your bedroom door. You were pushing the gateway of your bedroom, earning a creak from its hinges. Your eyes glanced down towards the dark chocolate wood floor with each step into your room. “Finally, I’m ready to lay down in my –” You started to pick your head up, glancing at the figure sitting on your night, playing with a pink eraser he must’ve found in the trash bin.

“– bed.”

"Doll, what's up with you throwin' me away?"

W-what? That one question kept flying around in your head. Not, who is this? Not, what is happening? Just a simple question: What kept spinning around your head?

In the back of your mind, you knew who it was sitting in front of you. It wasn’t a dream, not your imagination; it was real life. Your action figure — your lumberjack, Joel in the flesh? 

He looked real, too real. His hair's curls looked fluffy, and his skin's wrinkles looked defined. His clothes looked like he’d gotten them from a store, with wrinkles littering his shirt and jeans and his boots rubbing against the wood. Your childhood toy was in front of you, alive and in the flesh.

“Too stunned to speak, doll?” 

Shaking your head from the thoughts swimming around you, you look at the male before you. “What?”

“Got my answer. Can’t believe I rendered my doll speechless.”

Joel’s build shocked you as he stood up from his position; his shoulders were broad, his biceps bulging from his flannel – you knew he rolled his sleeves up. Vein’s threatening to burst from his arms and hands. Your former action figure who walked in front of you felt menacing, like his aura made you cower in fear, but instead of fear, it was astonishment. That something you wished for years ago finally came true.

“How is this possible? How are you real?” You quivered. 

“The better question better be, “Why would I throw out such a precious toy?”

“Huh?”

“C’mon, doll, y’think I’m stupid or somethin’; I knew y’threw me out. Half m’foot was in the trash can when I started growing.” 

The answer was plain and simple: you didn’t want to bring him with you to college or leave him to give to someone else, so you thought just about getting rid of him would be. Clearly, Joel’s surprise appearance made things more complicated than they should. “I didn’t throw you out,” You quickly spat out. “You fell in there by accident.”

Joel’s tall figure stood tall in front of you, his once plastic hand – now turned flesh and genuine, his thumb slowly tracing your bottom lip. Your body was shuddering against his touch. “Y’know your body betrays you, sweetheart.”

“Just be honest; it doesn't hurt me, jus’ your pride.”

“J-Joel, listen —”

“Ah, now you know I exist; you were treating me like some hallucination,” Joel announced, backing up, sticking his thumb in the waistband of his jeans. 

“You’re aware that this could very well be a hallucination,” You shrugged.

“Slap yourself, then.” 

“Huh?” 

“Slap. Yourself. In. The face. Then.” Joel enunciated. 

“N-No! I’m not going to do that!” You exclaimed. 

“Okay, fine, then. You’ll never know if this is a hallucination then.” 

Groaning, you quickly connected your palm against your cheek, the skin on your palm and face stink earning a wince that you suck from your teeth.”Happy, now?”

“Blessed. I’m pretty sure you have many questions, which aren’t important, because we need to figger out why you threw me out?”

“I told you, I didn’t–”

“Doll, I’m not stupid. I saw you put me in there, now don’t bullshit me.”

The skin on your palm and cheek had been itchy to the point you wanted to scratch your palm and face simultaneously, resulting in you rubbing your knuckles on your face. But you didn’t even want to answer Joel—your childhood toy. Hurting your friend's feelings was something you never wanted to do; imagine how Joel would feel knowing the boy who had played with him since he was a kid didn’t want to take him to college with him.

But it was something that you had to say, something that you would dread telling anyone you love.

Deciding to rip the band-aid faster than slow, you take a breath, look at Joel’s once painted-on brown eyes, and see a soul behind his real-like eyes. “I didn’t want to take you to college with me, and giving you away seemed way too hard even to think about. So I threw you away.”

Joel looked shocked by your confession. He thought he was ready to hear what you had to say, but Joel wasn’t; he was more perplexed than anything. Moving from where he stood before you, he stumbles on the mattress and sits down to collect his thoughts. Joel’s head hangs as you sit down next to him. It was reminiscent of when you were younger and would watch movies in your living room, having Joel sit next to you while you imagined him laughing or getting mad at a character like you were.

For once, the silence in the room was deafening, and you didn’t like it; you didn’t know what Joel would say, which terrified you.

“Joel? Are you okay?”

Joel nodded. “Yeah,” He snuffled. “Was just thinkin’ bout somethin’.”

“What was it?’

“Joel, when I’m older, I’m taking you everywhere with me, no matter what. You're going to be with me during college, and even when I get the big boy job like my daddy does, you’ll always be there.”

The action figure you played with your whole childhood quoted what you told him in those peak years of being a kid and had nothing to worry about.

“I said that, I'm guessing?”

Joel nods. “You were always a happy kid, no matter what happened, always smiling.” You chuckle at Joel’s statement. It made a smile appear as you remembered that he was always there with you. But, you had to face the fact that you weren't a kid anymore; those promises you made to a toy — a mere plaything- weren't something you thought about as a hormonal teenager. 

Shaking your head, you snap your head at Joel. “Joel, I was a kid back then. I didn't know that growing up would be so different than what I thought.”

“I- I can't be that same kid again. I wish I could trust me, I wish I could, but I can't.”

“It’s a shame,” Joel starts. “I would’ve loved t’see you grow up.”

“I mean, you technically did, right?”

Joel chuckles, “Yeah. Yeah, I did.” 

The cicadas appeared to disrupt the silence in the room when you didn't know what to say to Joel. You hated breaking your best friend’s heart, but being honest was something Joel wanted other than being lied to. “Do you want a hug?” 

“I would love that,” Joel’s southern drawl appeared as you wrapped your arms around Joel, and his arms wrapped you around in a bear hug. 

Hugging Joel felt weird but right – a seemingly impossible wish you fulfilled. You begged to be able to hug Joel, have him hold you in his arms, and melt together, being safe in each other’s arms. “M’gonna miss ya when you’re gone,” Joel grumbles against your head. As you hugged Joel, questions began to swim in your mind as you squeezed his waist; it felt like you were hugging an actual human. The way his body resisted against the tight hold on him, his body felt warm against yours. 

“Okay, wait a second,” you announce, releasing yourself from Joel’s grip and standing before him.

“What’s wrong?” Joel asks, resting one hand on his knee and his forearm on the other knee. You watch at the skin around his wrist, and the watch starts to bend as if he were human.

Questions were floating in your head; you didn’t know where to start, but you took a deep breath and opened your mouth to speak. “How did this happen? How are you walking like this?” 

“I’ve always done it, just done it when everyone isn’t home.”

Perplexity rode your face as Joel’s answer made you think about more questions you wanted to spit out. “So, you’ve always been able to walk around and be so human-like?”

“Yeppers.”

“So, you heard everything?”

Joel nods.

“Everything?” 

“If you’re referring to the times I’ve heard and seen you jerk off and get fucked in here, then yes, everything,” Joel mocked. 

Heat rose to your face. Joel had seen everything, the most vulnerable parts of your body. Things that you wouldn’t admit to if your family asked about it.  “Even when–” 

“Not when you were a kid, I’gave you your privacy. Scout’s honor.”

“But, you’re not a scout but a lumberjack.” 

Joel shrugs. “You’re point?”

“My point is–” You exhale a breath as a hand slides down your face. “If ya wonderin’ of anythin’ sex-related–” Joel interjected.

One question swam around your mind in that topic Joel mentioned. “Can you fuck?” You question, crossing your arms. Joel’s chuckle sent chills picking at your “tough-guy” demeanor. That nervous feeling rose, making you worried about his answer. “If I tell you the truth, will you mind?”

Reflexically shaking your head, you waited for Joel’s answer. “Yes, doll. I can.” Without thinking, you asked Joel. “How?” Joel answered by pointing at you. “You’ve done some pretty interesting things, doll.” 

Moving your head as you eye roll at the “man” before you. “I’m scared to ask, but–”

“You’re interested if I had fucked anythin’?” 

“Honestly? Yeah.” You don’t know how to feel about Joel’s confession. On the one hand, you were intrigued by what Joel had done; on the other hand, it made you feel like you were stepping into a zone you weren’t comfortable with entering. “Wow, my old toy, fucking other toys? I’m guessing.” 

Joel chuckles. “Y’know your sister’s Barbie doll? Fucked her, Ken watched.”

A grimace appeared on your face as Joel's sudden statement made you feel like the cold rushed in from your bedroom. “Wow,” you started. “Wait, Barbie and Ken can become real, like you?” Joel nodded at your answer.

“Huh, well. You learn something new every day.” 

“Blame yourself, doll. I learned everything from you.”

Confusion rode your face, trying to act innocent like you had no reason behind Joel’s actions. “What do you mean?” You shrug.

Joel stands up, his hands draped by the stitched pockets of his jeans, his boots slowly connecting with the hardwood floors, causing you to walk backward at your leisurely pace. You and Joel were working in tandem—with each step he took, you took a step back. You felt slightly intimidated. In the back of your head, you never thought you would feel unnerved by a toy—a toy you never would’ve expected to come to life. 

That rush of cold flew through your back when you connected with the side of your closet, bringing your hands to the wall; that cold sensation connected with your hand. Joel’s looming figure had been present before you, his hand outstretched beside your head. Joel slowly moves his head toward your head; you feel his warm breath against you, causing your spine to chill — mentally blaming the wall. 

“C’mon, doll. You know exactly what I mean.” Joel’s voice made your breath hitch as you felt his mustache tickle against your neck. “I know what you want, your likes, know what you like to be called,” You feel Joel’s realistic fingers on your chin as he picks your head up to look into his eyes; you watch as he backs up from your ear. 

His soft but calloused hand was on your chin, slowly dragging his hand against the fabric of your shirt as you watched the wrinkles in your shirt flatten under the path his hand was sliding down your torso. You watched as the wrinkles disappeared, only to reaper after Joel’s hand moved from its position. Joel’s hand was slow but not too slow, like a snail’s pace, slow to the point where you felt each goosebump underneath his hand — under your shirt.

Joel’s hand had stopped on your waist, while his other hand was above your head as he leaned closer to your eyes. Bracing for the impact of Joel’s lips on yours, you close your eyes. 

The feeling of plump, soft lips against yours sent shivers traveling down your spine as you felt the grip on your waist was getting tighter — rougher. Your hands travel from the wall into Joel’s soft curls. You wanted Joel in the moment; you craved him — yearned for him. Memories of you dreaming of kissing Joel had finally come true; you didn't expect the kiss to feel so passionate, an end-of-the-world kiss — one that stopped the world from spinning.

The feeling of silk had flown through your fingers as you contorted your hands with Joel’s hair. Joel’s hands slid from your waist onto your ass — squeezing lightly, you gasped against his lips. 

Your heart skipping a beat seemed impossible, but Joel’s kisses begged to differ. Your hands slipped from Joel’s hair onto his face, and you felt his defined jawline and patchy beard; you felt soft but coarse underneath your palms, which was something you couldn’t imagine. Reminiscent of when your fingertips would travel against the painted beard, always wondering what it looked/felt like, at this moment, you can. 

Joel’s big hands leave an imprint on your ass; slowly, his hands start sliding down toward your inner thigh, bending his back closer to you so the connection of your lips doesn't break. “Jump,” Joel grumbles against your lips. You push your feet off the ground as Joel’s strength lifts you, chuckling against his lips, wrapping your legs around Joel’s waist; you feel his hands under your thighs, gripping into you with passion; you think his nails may leave crescent moons into your skin. 

Cold drywall leaves your back as Joel slowly turns you both around so your bed can face your back. With each step, your and Joel’s noses keep bumping into each other as your faces keep moving side to side from your passionate kiss. Joel’s mouth leaves yours as his lips trail down your jawline, lightly sucking. Your hands return to Joel's hair as his lips end on your neck.  

Lips on your neck, sucking, biting, Joel marking you with his lips, your moans kept escaping your lips as your fingers flowed through Joel’s hair like water. “Y’like that, baby?” Joel growled. You hiss through your teeth before answering. “Fuck, yes. I love it, Joel.”

Quickly turning his body, Joel sits on the edge of your bed. Your knees indent your mattress as you feel sitting down. His lips return to yours as Joel wraps his arms against the midsection of your back, melting your bodies together. Your hands make their way from Joel’s head onto his broad shoulders. Thinking the flannel was warming his skin, you wanted to get rid of it. 

Backing slightly away, you slip your hands down his hardened chest; you start to fumble with the first button. Quickly unbuttoning the first one, you were on your way to the next one; Joel took notice of your hands and broke the kiss to look at what you were doing. “What are ya doing, doll?”

“Trying to get this flannel off you,” You grumble, popping the second button off. 

“Lemme help.” 

Joel moves his arms from your waist onto his flannel, smiling at you as you watch him pop the buttons out the loops. You watch as your childhood crush takes off his flannel and throws it over your shoulder, chest hair littering his chest. You slowly bring your hand onto his chest—above where his heart should be — but you don't feel a bump vibrate against your hand. You remember that Joel isn't human, which somewhat shatters your heart. 

Joel notices your saddened eyes; he places his hand over yours and looks deep into your eyes, his brown eyes piercing into your soul. “J’so ya know, I may not have a heart, but my love f’you is more important than anything else in this goddamn world. You're one of the best things that’s ever happened to me.”

“I don't want to live in a world where I don't see your smile every day; it's a reminder t’myself that no matter what, my love for you is the most real thing for me.”

You smirk at Joel’s confession, quickly smashing your lips against his. The tears brimming your tear ducts, trickling down from your eyes, wiping your eyes as you back up and look at Joel. “You are such a softie, you know that?”

“Only for you, sweetheart.” Joel quickly pushed his lips against yours, wrapping his arms around your midsection and moving your arms around his neck. 

Feeling Joel’s smile against your lips, you're quickly surprised when you feel Joel stand up and, in one motion, spin you both around so your back is on your mattress. You can’t help but smile gleefully as he backs up from you — sliding your shirt up and planting kisses trailing from your chest to your navel. His thick fingers grab the waistband of your pants as he slides them down. “Lift your hips, doll.” You do as Joel commands; he slides your pants off your thighs and throws them in the corner where your hamper used to reside, leaving your underwear on, your cock hard and covered by your underwear. 

“Look a’that, y’hard f’me already, doll?” You chuckle at Joel; you gasp as you feel his lips press the tip of your hard-covered cock. With each kiss brought against the tip and the shaft of your cock, it feels like heaven to you, bringing you absolute bliss against your skin. You get your foot against Joel’s shoulder as your other one hangs off the edge of the bed, arching your back in pleasure as Joel’s mouth moves down your thigh. 

Joel looks up at you and smiles as he kisses your leg. Noticing the wet spot appears on your underwear. Pre-cum slowly escaping the slit of your cock. “Let’s get these underwear off you.” You didn't need Joel to tell you to lift your hips reflectively. You lifted your pelvis, and he slid the underwear off you. Your hard throbbing cock slaps against your navel, a line of pre-cum connects with your stomach. “God, you’re s’fuckin’ perfect, baby.” 

Standing up from his position, he softly presses his lips against yours, bringing his hand into the bend of your knee, his other hand holding the side of your face. Joel’s tongue licked your bottom lip, awaiting your mouth to open. Slightly parting your lips, Joel slips his tongue into your mouth, causing you to smile at Joel’s eagerness. 

“How do you feel?” Joel questions against your lips.

“Fan-fuckin-tastic.” You answer, bearing your teeth. “How about I make you feel even fuckin’ better.” Joel’s question came out as a statement, causing you to question his meaning. Without warning, Joel backs up from your face and laps his tongue on the shaft of your cock, making a moan escape from your mouth, sliding his tongue slowly up the head of your cock, moans escaping your mouth. “F-fuck, Joel,” You breathe. 

“Y’like that, baby?” 

You breathe out an answer as Joel starts playing the slit of your cock with his tongue. “Yes.” 

“Makin’ sure that you deserve somethin’. You’re too precious to be mistreated.”

Joel must've heard all the times you would complain to your best friend about how one guy seemed great but lacked something when it came to sex. Joel was showing what you’ve been craving for a guy to reciprocate when you pleasured them, but he wasn't expecting anything back; he was just glad to pleasure his boy first. 

Wrapping his mouth slowly around the tip of your cock, Joel slowly goes down the shaft of your length, causing you to moan and white knuckle your sheets as you throw your head back — arching your back and snapping your eyes shut in pleasure. 

His pace was slow but patient. Joel wanted to make you feel something you rarely experienced — over the moon. Wrapping his hands around the shaft of your cock, his fingers would let go for a moment before wrapping.

Dragging your fingers into Joel’s curls, you slowly push his head down, hoping he could speed up. “Fuck, Joel. Can you go faster, please?”

“I can do ya one better, doll.”

As Joel’s mouth felt warm around your cock, he started to go faster as you gasped in pleasure; you felt Joel’s hand slide from your thigh as he slowly began to tease your hole. The skin of your taint felt sensitive with each stroke of Joel’s finger teasing you; each swipe, each light prodding made your body shiver in anticipation. Your cock has never been in overdrive as much as this — Joel was slowly rising you towards your peak. Your cock twitches in Joel’s mouth showing the throbbing pain that was threatening to shoot out. 

Slowly and agonizing, Joel slides his mouth off your cock, swallowing his spit; Joel wipes the reminder off his lips with the back of his hand, glances at you, and chuckles as Joel strokes your cock. “Y’close, doll?”

“Yes,” You whimper. “So fuckin’ close. It hurts so much. Can I cum yet, Joel?”

A chuckle left his throat, a sly smirk appearing on his face as he stared at you. Joel stops pumping your cock — landing on your stomach, precum leaking from the slit. “Not yet, doll. We haven't had our fun yet.”

Lifting your legs, Joel slides his head down deeper in between your thighs. He laps his tongue against your aching hole; a shaky moan escapes your lips as you hold your legs up so Joel can get better access to your hole. His hands are planted on your inner thighs as he keeps his tongue against your taint. 

Joel’s tongue felt like magic against you, showing you things you’ve never felt before — things you’ve only imagined happening. His tongue sliding up and down, in and out of your hole, made you want to cum by how much Joel was treating you. 

His plump lips planting kisses against your taint made your toes curl — the bones could pop out, your nails digging into the skin of your thighs, your moans escaping from you with each movement of Joel’s lips and tongue was giving you pleasure. 

That sensation of something feeling pushed inside you came rushing in as you let go of one of your thighs, gripped the sheets below you, and threatened to rip them up. You look down at Joel, looking up at you with a smirk on his face; you notice what is being pushed inside you; Joel’s thick middle finger has taken a turn to please you. 

“Y’like that, don’t you, baby?”

“Mhmm,” You whimper, throwing your head back, closing your eyes, and biting your lip. 

“I told ya, I know what you like, basically what you’ve been yearnin’ for.” 

“But, you gotta let me know if it’s too much for you, baby. I can't read minds yet.”

“It’s it too much?” Joel questioned.

You shake your head to deny Joel’s question. “It’s just right, it’s so fuckin’ right,” You grit your teeth. 

Sliding another finger in, Joel’s pace had gone faster. You knew Joel was trying to test your limit; you never knew your limit; you were glad to try to figure it out with someone you trusted. 

“Look at that; your hole wraps around m’fingers; it keeps sucking me in no matter how hard I try to pull out.”

Sudden movements from your hips as you kept raising your hips and bringing them back down. Gritting your teeth, tiny whimpers left through your teeth. Pleasure flowed through your entire body — a new goal you never knew you could reach.

Joel would never admit this, but him being the reason whimpers were leaving your mouth, you squirming because of his fingers and mouth, he was fucking over the moon to be the first person ever to make you feel this way. 

“J-Joel?” You breathed.

“Yeah, doll?”

“Can I please suck your cock?” 

Joel was conflicted by your question; all he wanted to do was make you feel good, he wasn’t expecting anything in return, but he wanted to know what that perfect mouth of yours felt around his cock. 

Slipping his fingers outside your hole, aching for more, Joel smirks at you and opens his mouth to speak. “Yes, you can, doll.” As you sit up, you notice the length that resided in his jeans; your eyes almost pop from their sockets from what you have just seen. You’d never seen anything that big in porn, yes, but never in real life. 

Noticing your astonishment, Joel looked at his jeans and then back up at you. “Is this size good enough, sweetheart?” You nod your head. Sliding your back against the mattress, you slid so your knees hit the wood below you. Watching the eagerness flood Joel’s eyes made you feel that excitement swimming in your stomach. The button of his jeans popped above you, and hearing the zipper going down, you watched as Joel’s cock popped out from its restraints.

Joel’s throbbing cock bounced in front of you, precum leaking from the slit of Joel’s cock. In your eyes, Joel’s cock looked more realistic than plastic. You wouldn’t lie; you were a curious kid; you had removed Joel’s clothes before and only noticed a blob on where his dick was now. The veins traveled up the shaft of his cock, stopping at the mushroom tip of his cock. The happy trail from Joel’s tummy showed up his pubic hair that rested above the shaft of his cock. Your mouth went dry in anticipation. It was the first you had seen a dick this big and thick before and so close to your face. 

“You alright, doll?”

Shooting your eyes up at Joel, you can tell a bit of worry on his face. “Yeah, I-I’m fine. Just never seen a dick this big before,” You admitted. Bending down so his face is in front of you, softly placing his hand against your cheek in reassurance. “We can take it slow if you want to.” You nodded at Joel’s words as he planted his lips against your forehead and stood straight. Dragging Joel’s jeans down as your knuckles brushed up against the hair on Joel’s thighs, gravity stopping Joel’s jeans when they stop at his ankles, your hand wraps the shaft of his cock. You slowly wrap your lips around the tip of Joel’s cock, and you hear him exhale in pleasure. 

Slowly pushing your head down the shaft of Joel’s cock, lips wrapped tight, you feel the veins trace the skin of your lips as the head of Joel’s cock press into the back of your throat. A groan of pleasure escapes Joel’s lips as you back your head up. You push your head forward and back leisurely, and you can tell the pace makes Joel go crazy. His member in your mouth kept throbbing against the roof of your mouth. Suddenly, your pace went a little faster; you looked up and noticed Joel’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, his hands were in tight fists, his knuckles threatening to pop out from his hand. The taste of salt fell upon your tongue as you backed your head up from Joel’s cock. A line of spit mixed with precum connecting from your mouth to the tip of Joel’s cock was made apparent, eventually dropping onto the ground below you as you wrapped your hand around Joel’s cock and started pumping his shaft.

The moans escaping Joel’s lips were music to your ears as your moans were to Joel. “Fuck, baby. Y’so good at that. Those boys are so fuckin’ stupid.” His southern drawl causes summersaults in your stomach. Sliding your mouth back onto Joel’s cock, a deep moan escapes his lips as your lips were at a quick pace, your hands planted on Joel’s thighs, the hair on his thighs pressed up against your hand as the tip of Joel’s cock kept hitting the back of your throat.

Moans, grunts, whines, and whimpers were all escaping from Joel’s lips, his hands holding onto your head as his hips humped into your head, his cock pressing deeper – causing you to gag a couple of times. Your nose kept poking into where Joel’s pubic hair rested; the scent was intoxicating, causing your cock to leak with precum below you. 

Suddenly, Joel held your head – your throat grasping around his cock, causing you to gag more. Slobber escaping your mouth as with each inhale through your nose – resting on Joel’s hairy patch made it impossible to exhale without gagging. Your palms were getting sweaty against Joel’s meaty thighs, the hair on his legs feeling nonexistent against your slippery hands.

His hands slide your head back, and lines of spit connect from his cock to your top and bottom lips. Deep inhales and exhales leave your body as you watch Joel slightly shudder. His cock glistened in your spit, throbbing. Sweat littered Joel’s hairy chest and forehead; you swallowed the spit in the back of your throat from your excessive breathing. Your forehead felt heavy with sweat as you looked up at Joel; he slid his hand up his forehead, pushing the curls that had stuck to his forehead. “Fuck, sorry, baby. Y’mouth is so fuckin’ addictin’.” 

“Don’t think I’m finished with you yet, Joel,” You spoke, disregarding his apology. Quickly eager to show Joel what you meant, you pick up his cock and slide your tongue on the underside of Joel’s shaft. Lapping your tongue against his veins, you could hear Joel praise you from above. “So fuckin’ perfect, who wouldn’t want to treat you right?”

Bringing your tongue slowly down to make Joel squirm, you feel his body Joel a little bit as you are still holding his cock in your hand; you place your mouth around his ball sack and lightly suck on one of them. “OH, FUCK!” Joel groaned. Joel’s body felt like jelly – incapable of holding himself up; Joel hadn’t felt this level of pleasure before, from anything he’s ever fucked before. “You like that, baby?” You asked. “Yes,” Joel gritted his teeth. “God, I love it s’much.” Backing your mouth up, you stroke Joel’s cock and watch Joel hold his head back and moans escaping his lips. Bending down, Joel places his hands between the fold of your armpits and picks you up from your knees. 

Planting his lips against yours, the kiss you shared between the two of you felt hungry, Lips mashing against each other, teeth clashing against each other. Joel’s arms holding you tightly against his torso. Joel was fucking starving for you as his lips were latching against your cheeks, jawline, against the skin of your neck. That feeling of Joel’s teeth against your neck made you know Joel was marking you as his. Your nails drag against Joel’s soft curls as you enjoy Joel’s mouth, bringing his head up back against your lips. Sweat from Joel’s chest was seeping through your shirt. You wanted to take it off to feel Joel’s skin against yours. Backing your head away from Joel’s, his head following suit as he watches you attempt to take your shirt off.

Holding the hem of your shirt, Joel helps you slide your shirt off your head, wrapping your arms around Joel’s neck, him wrapping his arms against your lower back. The warmth of each other’s bodies radiated against each other. Your cocks rubbed against each other; the warmth you both shared was hot enough to blow the roof off your bedroom. This experience felt surreal, like a dream you didn’t want to wake up from. 

Backing his head away from your lips, you notice a look of dominance in Joel’s eyes, which darken as he opens his mouth to speak. “Get on that bed, so I can fuck you the way you, a good boy like you should be fucked.”

“But, what if I’ve been a bad boy?” You tease. 

Leaning his head toward your ear. “Then I’ll have to punish you.”

“Get on that fuckin’ bed,” Joel commanded. You listened to Joel, letting your arms go from around his neck, your knees bent on the bed, as you pushed yourself to land your head where your pillow rested, your back collided with the soft cloud-like material. You watched Joel climb on the bed, stopping as he was positioned right between your legs. “Put your leg on my shoulder.”

Compiling to what Joel commanded, your ankle rested on Joel’s broad shoulder. A line of spit leaves Joel’s mouth and connects to the tip of his cock, rubbing the spit to lube up his cock. Slowly leaning over you, one next to your head, fingers spread apart. Joel moves his hand from the tip to his shaft as he starts to tease you – making you shudder in anticipation. 

Moving his cock to poke your hole makes you yearn for him every slight push into you. Hisses escaped your gritted teeth as you craved to feel good. “Joel, can you please fuck me?”

“Nuh uh, bad boys don’t get to beg,” Joel grinned.

Joel had let go of his length and placed his other hand next to the other side of your head. His hips were grinding into you, making you gasp and make your spine chill. Joel’s cock kept rubbing up against your sensitive tip, making you physically shudder and making your cock feel like it was about to burst. “I can tell how much you love this. M’cock grinding up against yours before I get you pregnant.” Your breath hitched as Joel’s voice made you want him more – you’ve never wanted anyone this bad before. 

“Joel, please. I need you.”

“How bad do you need me, sweetheart?” Joel growled into your ear. 

“So fuckin’ much, it's unbearable.”

“Well then, are you going to be my good boy?’

Nodding your head, you shut your eyes and licked your lips in anticipation. You notice that your ankle comes off Joel’s shoulder and collides with the mattress. You feel his lips press against yours briefly as you open your eyes and see Joel’s brown orbs looking into yours before he opens his mouth to speak. “Well, I can’t keep my good boy waitin’.” Looking in between your bodies, Joel adjusts his cock; you feel it press into you for a split second. He looks back up to you, “You ready, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I am,” You answer. 

Joel slowly pushes in, and you feel the tip agonizingly stretch you out. Your moans rattle the walls next to you both. “Does it hurt, baby?” You shake your head, denying Joel’s question. His shaft is halfway in before he pulls out fast. You gasp before breathing heavily. “Damn, baby. Y’so fuckin’ tight,” Joel commented. Once again, Joel slides his cock into you, making your moans more intense than before. Halfway in, Joel rocks his hips back and forth slowly into you. Your eyes snapped shut intensely, straining your eyelids. The pain was starting to feel good, too good.

“Is this okay, baby?”

Opening your eyes, you notice the concern in Joel’s eyes. He looked so sweet, caring, and compassionate; you’ve always seen him like that growing up. “Yes, Joel. It’s okay,” You smile. Leaning down to kiss you, Joel’s hips still rocking into your hole, moans exiting your mouth and entering Joel’s. Feeling Joel slowly stretch you out felt indescribable; it felt good, but you did want Joel to go faster. “Joel,” You moan against Joel’s mouth. “Yes, baby?” 

Joel backs up to hear you properly. Before you could get a word out to Joel, one push further in, and you feel the base of Joel’s cock clap into you, which echoes throughout the room. Joel realizes what this means; a sly grin appears on Joel’s lips. “Hold that thought, doll,” Joel commanded.

His pace was faster and rougher. Claps rang throughout the room with each thrust, like an audience applauding at the end of a play. Your hands gripped the sheets or ran your hand down Joel’s back while Joel had his hand on the headboard. It felt like Joel had read your mind at that moment, knowing that you wanted more and that he would give it to you. “I can tell y’wanted this before you even said it, baby. Could hear ya screamin’ at me to fuck you harder.’

“Y’wanted this, didn’t ya?” Joel grunted. 

“God, yes, Joel. I’ve wanted something like this for so long, begging for it. This feels fucking amazing.”

“I’can say the same about this boy pussy of yours, grippin’ onto me so tight, it doesn’t want to let go, and I don’t think I want it to.” You bring your hands up to Joel’s back and dig your nails into his sleek skin; an exhale leaves Joel’s mouth as the pain settles in, but it subsides. 

“Mark me, baby. Make me yours.” 

Your nails drag down Joel’s back until you reach the small of Joel’s back. Joel bows his head, grabs your chin, and smashes his lips against yours, but his thrusts stop. You don’t feel anything warm inside you, so you know he didn’t cum. Wrapping your arms around his neck, Joel lifts you for a second so you can get up from the sheets below you. Noticing Joel starts to lay himself down, you quickly move your hands on the mattress to keep yourself from crashing into Joel. You still feel Joel’s cock inside you as his hips start to lift up and down. 

That time when you complained about only being in one position with a guy, Joel did hear you and was giving you something you wanted. 

“Sorry for the sudden stop, wanted to fuck you more.”

Backing your head up, you watched as Joel bore his teeth and started to fuck you senselessly. Wrapping his arms tight around your lower back. Your nails dug into the soft material under your sweaty palms; you could feel the fibers begin to tear a bit. “You like this, don’t ya, baby? Being fucked like the sluts I’ve seen you watch on your phone.”

“Craving to be them, wanting someone to fuck you till you can’t feel your legs no more, huh?”

“Yes.” You whined. 

“Wantin’ someone as strong and big as those guys you watch to be able to fill your sweet, tight, boy pussy with hot cum.”

Nodding your head. “Mhmm.”

“Well, I’m here. I’m gonna satisfy your needs, your aches, your cravings for you to be filled with cum. If anyone else tries. I’ll gladly show them who can treat you better and fuck you in front of them, understood, baby.”

“Mhmm.” 

Joel’s hand connects with your ass, a hard smack against it; a cry leaves your mouth. “I need a fuckin’ yes, boy.”

“Yes, Joel, yes.” You whined.

You felt something move from inside you. You see, Joel looks to wear your cock, but he’s looking in between you both. “You feel my cock twitchin’ inside you, doll? You want me to cum inside you?”  “Yes,” You quickly answer and nod. “You’re leakin’ all over my stomach, baby; you wanna cum too?” 

You whimper out an answer. “Then, I better give my boy what he wants.”

Joel slides his cock out of you and lays you on your stomach as he comes up from behind you and slowly teases you. You feel his cock glide between the bends of your ass cheeks, feelings his balls press into them. “Damn, your ass is achin’ f’me right now. I will give you what you deserve, boy.” 

That feeling of being stretched out came back as you rested your forehead on the bed. Joel’s hands dug into your skin; each push of his length made your moans push out of you more. It was like your body was in heat — Joel’s heat. He was an animal in heat when it came to you. Nodding your head, you felt Joel’s hand on your throat and his lips against your ear — his mustache tickling it. “I’m so –thrust–  close to – cummin’ inside this tight ass of yours, baby. Do you want my cum to swim inside you?”

“Yes, Joel. I fuckin’ do.” 

“Then let me give you what you deserve.” Backing his head up, Joel dug into your skin like he was kneading dough; his thrusts were rough, almost splitting you in half. You could feel his cock throb inside you as you felt your shaft pulsating. You knew you were about to cum. “Fuck, I can’t get enough of you, baby. I don’t wanna stop after I cum in you.” “Joel, I’m so close. Keep going.”

“Fuck,” Joel growled. “I love it when you beg like that.”

His pace was going faster, and it felt the tip of your cock felt like it was going to explode with your cum. “Fuck, Joel. I’m gonna cum.” 

“Fuck, baby. Me too.’

“Here it comes,” Joel gritted his teeth. 

With one final push, you feel your cum shoot out onto the sheets below you, and you also feel Joel’s cum swim inside you. Light breaths are escaping both of you as you feel Joel slide his cock out of you; a squelching sound is heard as Joel’s cock finally dislodges from your hole. A sigh of relief exits Joel’s mouth as he connects his back to the bed. Turning your neck, you see Joel — soft cock against his stomach as you see his chest dip and rise from the breaths he’s taking.

Picking yourself up from your position, you lay down next to Joel, your head resting on his sweaty, hairy chest. Joel’s arm wraps around you as he pulls you closer to him. 

“So, was that everything you’ve ever wanted?” Joel questioned. 

Nodding your head against his chest. “Yeah, and better than what I could imagine.”

Joel chuckles at your statement, and you join him. Once the laughter dies down, a realization hits him like a bag of bricks. “Y’know, for a moment, I forgot that you’re running off to college without me. Followin’ those dreams and gettin’ your degree.”

“Joel,” You start.

“Havin’ a life, a career, findin’ someone who will love you as much as I do.”

“Joel,” You repeat. 

“Havin’ kids of your own, playin’ with their own action figures or dolls, and I’ll be at the bottom of some —”

“JOEL.” 

Joel jumped at your sudden outburst; he was looking at you instead of the ceiling. He saw you staring at him; he felt frightened but safe simultaneously. You suddenly straddle his lap, his hands on your waist, molding his hands onto you. “You’re coming with me to college.” 

“W-what?” Joel smiled. “When did you come to that decision?” 

“When you gave the most beautiful profession of love when I was on your lap, it made me realize something.” Joel awaited your realization, but he couldn’t lie; you sitting naked on his lap like that, faces inches away from each other, he was starting to get horny again. “I know you can never be real, but that’s okay; it sucks that we won’t grow old together, but you’ll always be there for me, and if I do meet someone, you’ll always be the first person I’ve ever loved, Joel.”

A smile appeared on Joel’s face; you couldn’t tell if sweat or a tear was falling from Joel’s eye when he quickly rolled you on your back and was inches away from you. His smell was intoxicating; the sweat mixed with lust made your cock twitch like crazy. “You’re such a softie, y’know that?” Joel quoted. 

“Only for you, sweetheart,” You quoted. 

“Now, how do you feel about one more round?” Joel questioned. 

“Well, everyone will be out for a while.”

“Should I take my time?”

“Joel, fuckin’ show me a good time.” 

“Okay, my good boy, lemme show you a good time,” Joel states, kissing your lips. Feeling the love from Joel’s kisses, you realize you didn’t need anyone to love you as much as Joel did, and you were fine with that. You didn’t care that he wasn’t real; he felt he was real to you, and that’s all you need.

[haee-elia]

1x02 - compulsion

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader (2nd POV)

summary: in which a religious studies graduate student aids the BAU team in solving their arson killer problem AND gains a crush on Dr. Spencer Reid; FLUFFY AND CHEESY

warnings: mentions of fire, death, murder, religion, bombs, having a father? nothing too graphic or descriptive

word count: 3078 (double the last one, lol?)

a/n: i’ve been so overwhelmed with the support on the series that i’ve been so excited to write (which i say in a three-four year dryspell of fanfic writing) so here’s compulsion! i’m much happier with this one than the previous one and it’s a tad longer as well. enjoy. season one masterlist here 

also, i wrote half of this and then realized greenaway is spelled away and eway, so if you see a misspelling of her name, that's what it is. I also assume it is just gonna get harder and harder to avoid the use of y/n...

You followed the Dean of students, Ellen Turner, down the hallway towards a part of the college that you didn’t frequent often. As a religious studies graduate student, you didn’t often spend your time in the administration building other than to visit your department advisor who had a small office in the building. Even then, it was on the other side of the building.

You didn’t dare say a word until Dean Turner knocked on a door to what you thought was an unused conference room and a man opened the door. A man that you did not recognize, not that you knew every face on campus, but still.

The man was older, perhaps your father’s age, and was wearing a simple shirt tucked into plain pants. He was wearing some reading glasses and didn’t have much hair on his head.

He glanced at you before looking back at Dean Turner, “Is this your religious studies expert?” He asked.

You furrowed your eyebrows and looked to your superior, awaiting an answer.

“She’s a religious studies graduate student. Her undergrad was a double major in Religious Studies and Psychology with a minor in Hebrew Studies.” Dean Turner explained.

The door the man held ajar had now craned more open, allowing you to see inside the room more. Instead of being the abandoned conference room you expected, it was filled with boxes of files, many whiteboards, corkboards, and chalkboards filled with photos and random joted down notes.

It had taken longer than you had wanted it to, but you finally realized this was the special FBI team that had been called in to investigate the random fires that had happened on campus. A few random fires, a fire that happened in a student’s dorm, and most recently, to a professor while in his office.

A new man poked his head into the conversation from the inside of the conference room. He was wearing a plaid checkered shirt that looked one or two sizes too big for him to wear with a red and gold tie loosely around his shirt collar. Pinned onto the pocket of his shirt was a clip on ID showing that he was FBI. His hair was pushed back behind his ears and cutely, you might add, curled around the bottom of his ears.

“What about the Head of the Religious Studies Department?” He asked. His voice was higher-pitched than you had expected it to be and had a lilt to it which you admired silently.

This time you decided to speak up, “He’s off on sabbatical.” All eyes turn to be on you, “Decided to travel around Asia.”

Dean Turner then turns to introduce you, “This is the FBI team called in for the investigation for the fires. This is Agent Gideon and this is Agent Reid.”

Agent Gideon interjects, “Dr. Reid.”

“Dr. Reid,” Dean Turner corrects.

“Double major and a minor in Hebrew Studies?” Gideon questions you.

You nod, “Yes, sir. Done enough studying to know that the name Gideon in Hebrew means great destroyer.” You confidently reply.

“Good,” is all he says.

You glance between Dean Turner and Agent Gideon, watching out of the corner of your eye as Dr. Reid looks you up and down, “May I ask what this is about?”

“The BAU team is looking for an expert on Hebrew and Judaism to aid on the case they’re working on.” Dean Turner explains.

“The fires, right?” You ask.

“Correct,” Agent Gideon says. You note that he’s not much of a talker, sticking to one to two word responses and getting straight to the point.

The two agents allow you to come into the conference room by moving out of the way of the doorframe and you take a look inside.

Dr. Reid starts speaking behind you as you ignore the stares from the other people in the room and take in the writing on the whiteboards.

“There was a message left on the FBI tip line for the fires that had a voice changer and all it said was simply, ‘I do it for Karen’, however we deduced Karen was instead Charown which is-”

“It means anger in Hebrew,” You finish for him, “Usually meaning God’s anger,”

He stood there for a moment, almost surprised that you finished what he was going to say, then nodded, “We believe that the unsub, the person who’s being starting the fires, left the message as a taunt or reason to the police about the fires. The sooner we can deduce what this means to them, the sooner we can fine and apprehend the person responsible.”

“So, what do you need my help for?” You inquire. “You all seem to be doing just fine without me,” You try to joke. It helps bring a few smiles to some faces in the room. Mostly the younger crowd, you note. Agent Gideon and a man in the suit don’t show as much as a sign that you even tried to joke.

The large musclely man sitting in a plastic seat chuckles and smirks, pointing the pencil in his hand at Dr. Reid, “Well, even with the photographic memory of Reid’s, we still need some help. We’re not really religion experts.” His tone goes slightly sour at the end and you ignore it, knowing that many people heavily do not like religion.

“Eidetic memory,” Dr. Reid interrupts, “I have an eidetic memory not a photographic memory.”

“That’s really cool,” You comment, “Must be a blessing and curse in your line of work,” You offhandedly remark. You give him a small smile before focusing back on what is written on the multiple boards around the room.

“So, you think the person who did this is using religion as an excuse to set fires?” You ponder.

The brunette woman sitting next to the large muscled man nods, “Do you think they could be a theology or religious studies major?” She asks, “I’m Agent Greenaway, by the way. That’s Agent Morgan and over there is Agent Hotchner.”

You give her a grateful smile for giving you names to pair with the people in the room. “It’s hard to say. They could be a religion major, but if they are then they’re most likely a freshman. Fire is extremely common across many different religions. In Hinduism, Brahman is often represented by fire. Christianity sometimes worships god as an all consuming fire and in Judaism god can be seen as a pillar of fire.”

You shake your head, “It wouldn’t make sense for a upper classmen to just be setting the fires now when fire is so common in learning about different religions. Fire’s mentioned multiple times throughout 101 and 102 courses.”

“What about punishment with fire for sins?” Agent Morgan asks.

This time Dr. Reid responds before you, “If that were the case we would see more instances of the victims in parallels with their sins. Matthew Rowland was in his dorm room and Professor Wallace was in his office. Neither were in sinful places and if this were about their sins, I think we would see proof left by the unsub at the scene of the crime of it.”

You ponder Dr. Reid’s words and nod along at his explanation before coming to a more likely conclusion, “What about testing people using fire? Baptism by fire, tested through fire in revelations. If this person feels like they were tested, like by a fire that happened in their life, they could be seeking out to test other people the same way they were tested. Trial by fire.”

You wait for any response from the group, hoping that they even somewhat agree with your idea and it means you helped this group of extremely smart and analytical group. Agent Morgan and Agent Greenaway seem to agree with you, even Agent Gideon gives a tilt of his head before examining the whiteboard, perhaps trying to tie the pieces together.

Dr. Reid makes brief eye contact with you and the corners of his mouth turn up, “Tha-that’s really good, I, uh, wouldn’t have thought of trial by fire.”

You take it as a compliment and return the small grin, “Thanks, Dr. Reid,”

“Please, we’re, like, practically the same age, call me, uh, Spencer.”

“Sure,” You softly say. This was perhaps not where you would have liked to talked to Dr. Re-, Spencer, in a room full of people whose jobs were to profile and observe, but, to put it in a cheesy way, the rest of the room drowned out when you conversed.

“Good work,” A voice ceases the conversation between you and the cute and mildly flustered agent, “However, we still don’t know why the unsub is targeting the victims. Or who will be next on their hit list.”

“Wait!” Spencer halts, you imagine that a light bulb dinged above his head with what seemed to be a eureka moment. He sped over to the computer on one of the desks and tables in the room and pulled up a video. The other agents in the room crowded around and over Spencer to see what he wanted to point out.

“There!” He points, “I noticed this before Dean Turner knocked on our door. The handle to the door at Matthew Rowland’s door. We thought that they had tried to get in and couldn’t so they flooded gasoline under the door, but the door handle continued to turn even after the fire was started. It turned exactly three times. No more, no less.”

Then he spun around and pointed at a crime scene picture, you noticed it was of a nameplate, the nameplate outside of Professor Wallace’s office.

“The brain is wired to see patterns and we’re really good at seeking them out. Ralph Wallace’s office number was 3. Matthew Rowland was in his class on Tuesday, third day of the week, and it was his third class of the day. The first fire, one of the failures, occurred on the third month, on the third day, at 3 o’clock.”

Agent Morgan struggles to see the point Spencer is making, “So this unsub is obsessed with the number 3?”

“Not obsessed, but adeptly notices the patterns of 3 and feels compelled to set fires.” Spencer explains.

You furrow your eyebrows and try to understand, “Like a sick, severe, form of OCD?”

“OCD?” Agent Greenaway questions.

You decide to answer her, before Spencer, “Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Usually it doesn’t manifest in such an extreme manner.”

Spencer continues to explain, “When the unsub notices a pattern of three, it creates such an overwhelming wave of anxiety that it only stops when they do their compulsion. In this case, setting fires.”

“And I think I know who it is,” Spencer admits, “And it’s not a he, it’s a she.”

Hotch catches on quickly, finishing what Spencer is thinking, “Clara Hayes,”

“Clara Hayes?” You question.

“She’s one of the chem-students Hotch and I talked to. When we were talking to her and her classmates, I noticed she had a ring on her finger. She kept turning it in intervals. Intervals of three. And when she counted off the ingredients of a light bulb bomb, she mentioned sugar three times, because she had to. She had to finish saying it three times.” Spencer explains to the rest of the room.

“Clara and her classmates were working on a group project about gravitational pull,” Agent Hotchner adds, “I’ll send campus security to search for her.”

Gideon finishes Hotch’s thought, “The three-body problem.”

You ponder hard, “She’s audited pretty much every entry-level religious studies class. I remember her because she was one of the only students to come for every single class and she wasn’t even properly enrolled.”

The eyes in the room turn to you, “She even waited for me after a class I was TA’ing and tried to get me to let her into the Mythologies class. You need an Ancient History class as a pre-requisite and she didn’t have that as a chem-student.”

Then your eyes spot the word Karen written on a chalkboard.

“Karen. Mythologies,” You mumble, “Karen. Charown. Charon! Like the greek ferryman of the dead! He’s a large part of the myths for the Greek dead. And if we’re turning back to trial by fire, there’s Moloch. The demon sun god of the Canaanites. To avoid his wrath, people would burn their children alive as a sacrifice.” You point out.

Agent Morgan ruffles through student files on the table he and Agent Greenaway are sitting at.

“Here, Clara Hayes. It has on her file that when she was sixteen, she survived a housefire.”

Agent Greenaway pulls something else out of a nearby box and connects it to Agent Morgan’s papers, “Here’s a newspaper clipping. ‘16-year-old survives inferno. The mother Ellen Haye’s called it a miracle.’ Look what she said, ‘My daughter was tested by God. He tested my child and she came through blessed’. And look at the house number in the photo, 333.”

“So, this is a case of magical thinking and severe OCD,” You plainly state.

“Magical thinking?” Agent Morgan inquires.

You go to explain further, “It’s like a superstition. Step on a crack, break your mother’s back. Except when paired with her severe OCD, Clara actually believes that when a pattern of 3’s line up, she needs to test this person with fire, like she believed she was tested. Like her mother led her to believe. Clara thinks that when 3’s occur, it’s a sign from God to test that person.”

Agent Hotchner checks his phone and then looks back at the group, “Campus security has sweeped the buildings and she isn’t in her apartment. A bomb squad has been called to section off the area, they found 30 plus handmade bombs in her closet.”

Agent Gideon takes command as the rest of the agents (and you) look to him, “We need to get inside every building and start pulling fire alarms. Clara Hayes is somewhere on campus and possibly setting her next, very deadly fire. We need to go.”

Agent Morgan and Greenaway stand up from sitting in the cheap folding chairs at the table and exit the room, Agent Gideon filing after them.

Agent Hotchner looks over to you and gives you a small, yet professional, nod, “Thank you for the help of your expertise with the case, but we’ll need to take it from here. You’re still just a civilian.”

You nod in understanding and give the group a grateful smile, “I understand. I should probably go alert Dean Turner about Clara and everything.”

“That’s a good idea,” Agent Hotchner confirms, “Agent Reid can give you the contact information for our press liaison. She can partner with Dean Turner when the college needs to release a statement.”

Agent Hotchner then leaves the room, turning his walking pace into a jog as the gravity of the situation starts dawning upon everyone in the room. Everyone left in the room, that is. Just you and Spencer.

You both look at each other, him breaking eye contact and looking away first. He turns around back towards the table now littered in files and random papers, grabbing a pen and hurriedly writing something down for you. You note that he’s a really fast writer, until he pauses for a little bit and you can almost see the cogs turning in his big eidetic brain of his.

You assume he makes a decision on whatever he was stuck on and finishes jotting on the paper, ripping it off the notepad and handing it to you.

“Here’s, uh, like Hotch said, the, um, phone number, fax, and email for Jennifer Jareau, our press liaison back at Quantico. Dean Turner’s probably gonna want that to coordinate statements whenever they plan to release them.” Spencer explains, pointing to the piece of paper in your hand.

You leer down at the yellow and red-lined notebook paper, Spencer’s chickenscratch is hard to make out, but you can see where he’s written the name of the liaison lady and the handwriting is legible enough for you to make out the numbers of the fax machine and phone number and the letters of the email address.

Then your eyes gaze down beneath that information to find something else.

You look back up at Spencer, you know what that is and you’d like to guess why he’s given it to you, but you really want to hear it from him first.

He adjusts his glasses and notices that you’ve finished reading the paper, “And that’s, uh, my personal phone number. You helped m-- us, on the case a lot. With your degree in psychology, if, um, you ever wanted to do profiling, give me a call.” His ears are slightly flushed red at the tips and his hands fidget at his sides.

“Or if you’re ever in D.C. and you want to, like, uh, get a coffee and catch up.” He tags on, “It’s just, your brain is amazing, and um, -- that was weird to say, I’m so sorry. You can do whatever with the number, but I just tho-”

“Spencer,” You interrupt his rant and give him a wide grin, “I’d love to get a coffee when I’m in D.C.”

You can see on his face that he notes your wording of ‘when’ and go to elaborate, “I got accepted to a research position in Washington, some ancient writings and artifacts are being moved to the Smithsonian this summer and I’ll be part of the religious translation team.”

“Oh,” Spencer responds, a grin makes a way to his face as well, “That’s, uh, great.” His voice cracks a little bit.

“I’ll let you know when I’m in town, however,” You explain with a playful expression, “Don’t you have a firestarter to catch?”

A spark of realization spreads throughout his face and Spencer nods quickly and gathers his belongings, “Yes!” He exclaims, “Yes, I do! Um, it was so nice to meet you, and I, uh, hope we can meet again soon.”

He says stumbling and stuttering as he goes to rush out of the room, leaving you watching after the lanky and slightly awkward man.

You laugh as you watch him sprints down the hallway with a smile on your face and your hand waving goodbye.

Although, you don’t think it’s gonna be the last time you’ll see Dr. Spencer Reid. Not if you have anything to do with it.

[ellieslaces]

an ode to my Ellie’s switchblade tattoo 🌿🗡️ ☟

there are pictures of a tattoo under the cut, some may have blood. proceed with caution if you are squeamish with blood <3 / there’s a long explanation of this tattoo under the pictures!

stencil ; I moved the stencil around 3 times before I decided the placement was perfect! (my artist told me I was low maintenance because I only moved it three times and we only had to use one piece of stencil) (also, ft. my Jill shirt another artist complimented!)

freshly done ; around 5 minutes after being tattooed on my arm! (picture by my artist!)

20 minutes later ; in my car about to drive home, covered in sani-derm (which I later realized doesn’t get along well with my skin) excited to go home and get some sleep (really I stared at it the rest of the night)

a week later ; here she is a week later, still itchy and still a little peel-y, but she’s healing really well. every time someone sees it, they ask what the significance is, and I get to talk about Ellie <3

🌿🗡️🌿

when considering my first ever tattoo, I knew I wanted something The Last of Us themed. I contemplated getting Ellie’s tattoo, but it is quite large and would have been very expensive. I also just have no desire to have a tattoo that big.

I considered some quotes as well, such as “when you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light” (double meaning bc it’s the Firefly motto and Ellie’s name literally means ‘light’) or “if I ever were to lose you, I’d surely lose myself”. but I decided against lettering as lettering bleeds if not done in thick lining and runs the risk of being misspelled.

I still have an ambition to get the moths Ellie draws in her journal in pt. 2, but that’s for the future. I also heavily considered getting something like the giraffe scene or something about the birthday flash back from pt. 2. but, for now, I went with a simple decision of getting Ellie’s switchblade.

it is essentially a black and grey replica of her switchblade on my outer left wrist (a twist tattoo basically). it is around 4 inches and actually very detailed for being so small.

I sat on this particular design and location for about a week before I caved and went to talk with my artist. (although I’ve wanted a TLOU tattoo for a little over a year now) he got me in the next day and did my tattoo. in all, I was there for a little over an hour and in the chair for around 40 minutes.

this tattoo actually means so much to me as The Last of Us video game series is one of my all time favorite things in this world, and my favorite games. I’ve Platinumed one of the games and am working to Platinum the other. I have hundreds of hours worth of gameplay of both games combined. this series of games means a lot to me for some emotional reasons. one of them (and maybe the biggest) being it helped me come to terms with my sexuality. which sounds a little silly, but it’s true.

I love these games, and Ellie as well. I find her relatable to me and I have a deep love for her and the plot itself. while I no longer support Druckman or Naughty Dog, these games will always have a huge significance to me and will always be close to my heart <3

[gamesception]

rgu manga, chapter 9 part 2

We left off last time in the middle of chapter nine, with Utena accepting her role as a duelist, even if she’s still weirded out by the whole ‘betrothal’ aspect.  For his part Saionji (whose name I’m just now realizing I’ve been misspelling since forever) reacted to Utena’s resolve by backing down instead of issuing the anime canon’s challenge to proper rematch.  This time, we apparently have that proper dance, with Touga gifting Utena a dress, something that happened in... checking the tapes... episode 3 of the anime?  Huh, I misremembered that as happening later on.  Well anyway, yeah, we seem to have skipped the episode 2 duel and jumped into episode 3.

Utena has no interest in Touga’s dress and doesn’t want to go to this party, but she does want Anthy to go and make friends.  I doubt Anthy will go without her though, which gets them both to the party easily enough.  And, of course, she’ll have to wear the dress because she doesn’t have any fancy party clothes in her normal boyish style.

And, of course, Touga immediately shows up to rub her nose in it.

Oh, I guess we’re doing Nanami’s Disintigrating Dress plan after all, even though we haven’t really taken the time to introduce her yet.

Juri and Miki show up.  Apparently Saionji’s been sulking.  Which gang of girls start harassing Anthy over (with the traditional physical assault) the moment Touga manages to lure Utena away from her.

But unexpectedly Saionji shows up to chase them away.  Have you decided to grow as a human being and become a less shitty person than your anime counterpart, Manga Saionji?

Not especially.  Also I guess we’re not doing the disintegrating dress bit after all.  Also, is it just me, or did he absolutely steal the idea to send Anthy a dress from Touga?  Like, the idea never entered his head until he heart Touga talking about the dress he bought for Utena, and then he immediately rushed out to copy the gesture wholesale.

Anyway, Saionji pushes Anthy out a side door while Utena is distracted by Touga, and this whole party situation is going very wrong very fast.

Utena tries to ask Touga about this ‘End of the World’ person who organized the whole rose duel thing - oh yeah, didn’t Touga say he would be here?  I haven’t noticed him in the crowd panels, but I wasn’t exactly looking...

Touga’s not really being helpful, and before Utena can manage to focus his attention she finally manages to notice Saionji and Anthy:

And his training sword was hiding an actual sword!

Um, is Saionji planning on just murdering Utena?  I’m pretty sure that’s against The Rules(tm) and will mostly just result in him going to regular jail.  Also if the plan is to kill her while she’s unarmed then it might have been better to not have Anthy right there.  Though I guess I don’t know if she can do the whole magic sword thing outside of the official dueling arena...

Whoops, I spoke too soon.  Guess Saionji had that thought at near about the same moment I did.

Some questionable translation choices here, but I love the matter of fact “That’s not my problem!” at the end there.

In terms of accelerating anime plot points, this is certainly a lot earlier than Saionji’s “let’s just kidnap Anthy / murder Utena” moment in the anime, but the situation here is so different that I really don’t know where the manga’s going here, so that’s cool.  I will point out that anime Saionji didn’t get to this point on his own either, he had to be sort of manipulated into it by Touga.  Manga Saionji on the other hand seems to just be Like That on his own.

This is a pretty dramatic cliff hanger to end chapter 9 on, though.

[thecedarchest]

I Think I’ve Found a Missing Ancestor

No one knew anything about him other than a nickname: Tommy Watkins.  My great grandfather.

I always wondered why my great grandmother, Pearl Woodard, never shared anything about him, or why she waited decades to even share his name-- or what I thought was his name.

Over five years ago now, in 2018, I searched records at FamilySearch using a misspelling of Pearl’s maiden name-- “Wooders”-- to see what could possibly come up.  No matter how long it took, I was determined to take my search to the very last couple pages of irrelevant results.  What I found just a few pages in shocked me; then, confused me.  I found a marriage record for a George Watkins and Pearl Wooders in Eden, St. Lucie county, Florida.

I always assumed that maybe Pearl never shared anything because she was taken advantage of.  That maybe "Tommy” was a travelling preacher or something, leaving her to raise my grandfather, Hugh.  Or, maybe he “simply” didn’t know about him and continued on living his life.  No one had any idea that Pearl was married to “Tommy”.

Well, this is what happens when nothing is shared... your mind wanders and then settles on things that are not true.

As I stared at the image of the marriage license, speechless, (other) facts began to line up: George and Pearl were married on August 2, 1909, two years before my grandfather was born.  Their names had the ‘colored’ marking next to it, letting me know these two were black.  There were four witnesses, including a James Woodard (Jas. ”Wooders”).

The fact that Woodard was often (mis)spelled as Wooders or Wooder (and also Woodward) in other records for Pearl or her family.  The odds of Watkins on a record with any variation of Pearl’s (last) name.  And then, soon realizing from the 1910 census that one of her older brothers, Jeff Woodard, and his family lived in Jensen, St. Lucie county, just under two miles from Eden.  The other St. Lucie county connection.  It was her.  And I finally found him.  I was certain after seeing a marriage license--albeit with a different name-- that there had to have been more to “Tommy” and Pearl’s story.  It was no longer a theory.

George Watkins Remained Elusive in Records

The first US census record that blacks appeared on as citizens was the 1870 census.  From that point forward, unless there is an anomaly, they are in official records.  Prior to this, there were slave schedules where blacks were enumerated only by age, like property.  There were other records blacks could be found in, such as wills and Civil War records, to name a couple.  Nevertheless, usually when you know someone’s name, it makes life a little easier when searching official records, such as census records, marriage records, death records, etc.  However, despite now knowing George’s actual name, I thought it odd that I still could not find other records that lined up with the facts I already knew.

Here is what I know...

In my early estimations, George was of course black, would’ve been born in central or southeast Florida (considering the marriage location, something had to tie either of them to the area), and should’ve had a divorce record with Pearl-- a key fact, considering the relationship did not continue.  This makes the finding of a marriage record even more signficant.  But, there is no divorce record for George and Pearl.  Early on in the search, this was the extent of my knowledge on George.

The youngest of ten children, Pearl Woodard was born in Marion county, Florida, on December 27, 1888 to Prince Woodard (1838 - bef. 1900) and Louise Harris (b. 1843). The family has lived in Orange Springs, Reddick, and Ocala (all in Marion county), as well as Micanopy (in Alachua county).  Pearl’s death record and funeral notices state a birth year of 1896; however, she reports (or, rather, acknowledges) on the 1940 census that her first marriage was at age 20, which --with a 1909 marriage year-- would put her birth year in 1888.  Note that this further confirms the 1909 marriage license.

Prince passed away before 1900, when Pearl was about eleven years old.  Somehow, between 1900 and 1909 she ends up further southeast in St. Lucie county and becomes Pearl Watkins.

I have not been able to find Pearl in census records yet pre-1930, as Pearl Woodard or Pearl Watkins.  The 1909 marriage record is the earliest record I have both for her and George.  So far, it is the only official record I have confirmed for George.  Their son (my grandfather), Rev. Hugh Anderson, Sr. (and yeah, I’ll explain the name later), was born in Eden, St. Lucie county on March 15, 1911.  I am awaiting his birth certificate, which hopefully can be found, as he was not born “Hugh Anderson”.

The silence in the records for George, in particular, was a major clue in why Pearl never shared her history with him.

Read All About It

How bizarre.

I couldn’t find George Watkins elsewhere, but I did end up finding him in the unlikeliest of places: the newspapers!

Yes, you saw right.

On June 15, 1912, the article “George Watkins, Negro Brute, Hustled to Miami by Sheriff” was published in The Miami Herald.  Other articles and documentation make it clear that there were two charges: rape and assault with intent to kill (”attempted murder”).  There is a lot to unpack from this article, of course, but as far as connecting dots, how the writer describes him provides helpful clues.

I found it interesting that the writer distinguishes between “dark” & “black”.  Until now, I had never seen this differentiation.  The racial overtones here end up helping in our favor.  What is “dark” to him, and what is “black” to him?  He seems to suggest that “black” skin is a darker (or darkest) hue. “Dark but not black skin” could mean a couple things: lighter skin-toned, but not black (as in a darker hue), or medium skin-toned (but not of a much darker hue).  If it’s the latter, it perfectly describes his son Hugh’s skin tone.  If it’s the former, then it’s still understandable with regards to Hugh’s skin tone because Pearl’s medium skin tone would have contributed more so to Hugh’s.

I searched the term “dark but not black skin” and what I found confirmed my thoughts above.

Examples: In Peru, the word “canela” / “canelita” means cinnamon, but it is also used to describe someone with dark (but not black) skin. People from Cabo Verde are described as having ‘dark but not black skin’. The term “moreno” is used in Latin America and the Caribbean to describe those with ‘dark but not black skin’, and literally means brown (sun-tanned) or brunette (also, dark-colored, or dusky).  ‘Dark but not black’ generally implies an olive skin tone.

There are social and of course racial implications with these terms too extensive to get into here (and are all often still associated with the term negro), but for the purposes of this article, it will help paint a close picture of how someone with such designations would possibly look.  

The writer also mentions his possible age.  I had already estimated George’s birth year to be about 1880 (or basically, somewhere in the 1880s), which would’ve indeed put him in his thirties at the time of this article.  If he was closer to Pearl’s, then it would’ve put him in his twenties.  But, unpopular opinion is weight often adds age to one’s appearance.

George Watkins apparently spent his early years in Miami, in its infancy, and ‘was known to the police.’  Miami was incorporated as a city in 1896.  The article says George was implicated in the murder of Mark D. Bartleson (aka M.D. Bartleson) brother of wholesale grocer & real estate developer Charles W. Bartleson (aka C.W. Bartleson), which took place on January 28, 1902.  So, before marrying Pearl, George was in Miami between 1896 - c. 1902.  Looks like we’re heading to Miami-Dade county for information.

The above article was the first one I found, but it wasn’t the first article published on the assault.  This one is:

Eight days before The Miami Herald, Fort Pierce News published “Negro Brute Assaulted Lady” on June 7, 1912.  He is identified as Geo. Watkins in this article-- and that he had just come to (or, rather, gotten back to) the area from Jacksonville, Florida.  Again, I won’t get into the details of this case or the Bartleson one just yet.  But, if you’re wondering where Pearl and Hugh are while all of this is catching storm in South Florida, then consider these other articles I found from just months prior (in 1912):

“Hallandale Arrest” was published in The Miami News on March 2, 1912 and “Is Charged with Assaulting His Wife” was published in The Miami Herald on March 3, 1912.  As of right now, I am assuming that this George Watkins and the George Watkins of the Sebastian (and Bartleson) crime(s) are one and the same.  Why am I so sure that either of these instances is George? Well, my intuition tells me that a major event occurred that caused an end to George and Pearl’s marriage.  Right now, I believe this was it.

The Theory.

There are a few things that bring this part of their stories together.  Let’s start at the beginning first.  I believe that based on his ties to the Bartlesons, George Watkins was possibly an employee/laborer of theirs during the turn of the century, prior to Mark’s 1902 murder.  The Bartlesons were based in Jacksonville, but owned wholesale grocery locations in various cities across Florida, including Fort Pierce.  Moreover, one of the many articles I’ve found on the Bartleson incident notes that Mark Bartleson lived/was based in Micanopy at the time of his death.  It is also possible that George worked as a laborer for Henry Flagler’s Florida East Coast Railway, a rail system that went from Jacksonville to Key West.  Interestingly, that railroad system was completed on January 22, 1912, just prior to both George Watkins arrests.  Either of these possibilities (or just working as a traveling laborer period) could have contributed to George being tied to Miami area, Fort Pierce area, and Jacksonville.  Somehow and somewhere along the way (again, likely the Fort Pierce area), George and Pearl met.  A part of my initial thoughts growing up was likely proven true, but in a completely different context.

It seems work brought George to Jacksonville after his and Pearl’s alleged incident in Hallandale.  He then went back to familiar territory, St. Lucie county, this time to Sebastian, Florida (which is now in Indian River county), doing odd jobs there, where the sexual assault took place.

A Very Unfortunate End

George ended up with a speedy trial in Fort Pierce that lasted from July 25 - 27, 1912.  I have obtained the court documents, including sentencing.  Unfortunately, they were ‘only’ minutes and did not contain testimony; but, are still helpful nonetheless.  Whether or not he actually committed that crime, I am not entirely sure.  Regardless, the following was published in the “State News Notes” section in The Miami Herald on August 2, 1912:

The community note reads, 

“The special term of the circuit court of the Seventh judicial district in and for St. Lucie county came to a close Saturday morning, at Ft. Pierce, after Judge Perkins pronounced the sentence of death of George Watkins, the negro convicted by jury late Friday afternoon for rap(e).”

So then, the main reason I couldn’t find him after 1912, in particular, was because he was no longer alive.

Adoption

Central to this story is the fact that my grandfather was adopted.  Although he knew his mother and had a relationship with her his entire life, he did not know anything about his birth father or of why he was adopted.  My grandfather Hugh was an infant in the middle of this.  Presumably, some time between 1911 and 1912, he was adopted by Nelson Henry Anderson Sr. (1856-1929) and Ida Smith (1861-1917) of Tampa, Florida; they named him Hugh Anderson. 

The facts above lead me to believe that Hugh was adopted as an infant to a year old.  I do not know yet whether the adoption was formal/legal.

Nelson was born in Thomasville, Georgia, although a couple records mention Daytona, Florida.  (His parents were indeed from Thomasville).  For much of his life, Nelson was a farm and mill laborer.  In later life, after his daughter Lillian Anderson passed away, he became a cemetery caretaker in Tampa.  His wife Ida was born in Ocala, Florida.  Nelson and Ida were married in Marion county on February 25, 1882.  The family narrative has been that Hugh was ‘taken in by church family’ and it’s been said that ‘the Andersons might have been cousins’.  I now wonder if these takes derived from Ida Smith’s family knowing the Woodards from church in Ocala, and/or from the Smiths possibly being cousins to the Woodards.  Nevertheless, it seems that Ida’s family is likely the connection (somehow) to Pearl and the Woodards.

Nelson remarried after Ida passed away, and that wife’s name was Kizziah George (b. 1867). After Nelson died, Hugh continued on living with Kizziah in his youth, and is seen in the 1930 census with her as stepson, age 19 years old.  The census showed that he was a street peanut vendor at the time.

Just Throwing This Out There...

As mentioned earlier, The Miami Herald’s June 15th article (thankfully) provides clues to George’s early life.  However, his family and his date and place of birth are still a mystery.  Somewhat.

The fact that I have been unable to find him in US official records pre-1909 could mean a few things.  One of them is starting to stand out to me more.  I am just throwing this additional theory out here, but a recent lead is making me wonder whether George was maybe born in the Bahamas.  The Bahamian islands (and Cuba) are very close to Florida.  There was an influx of migrants from Bahamas (and other countries in the Caribbean) to the Florida Keys and Miami (and surrounding areas) in the late 1800s and early 1900s mostly for the purpose of seeking work.  To have spent his early life in Miami during this very period makes the probability of George being from the Caribbean very possible.

When I searched his name in the Bahamas, I did find a birth record for a George Watkins.  If this was him, he was his father’s namesake; his name was George Alfred Watkins (c. 1854-1914).  The mother’s name was Emeline Hardy (1855-1952), and both were from Deadman's Cay, Long Island, Bahamas.

A few things are giving me pause though:

The family was registered as mulattos.  However, based on what I mentioned earlier about how George was described, it could still fit with the description.

The age on the birth certificate would put him in Pearl’s birth year of 1888. In 1902, he would’ve been about 14 years of age as a ‘known criminal’ and as a person of interest in Bartleson’s murder. However, kids in the early 1900s and prior, especially boys, were viewed much differently.  In fact, regarding work, the Bureau of Labor Statistics says the following about child labor: “The 1870 census found that 1 out of every 8 children was employed. This rate increased to more than 1 in 5 children by 1900. Between 1890 and 1910, no less than 18 percent of all children ages 10‒15 worked.”

Why would someone seek a better life in the US (assuming that was the case), but then do the complete opposite once here?

One thing that keeps this a mystery and yet gives a bit of hope that this may be him is once again, just as in the US, the records so far have gone cold in the Bahamas as well.

Whether he was born in the Bahamas or in Florida, I want to go beyond George-- if at all possible-- to know more about his family and the kind of people they were.  Perhaps if it’s Bahamas, I could also learn more about that country and their culture, as well as its relationship with Florida in that era and earlier.  I don’t want the story to end with a crime and death sentence.

In the meantime...

With all that being said, there are things I am still working to verify with documentation or confirm in some form with family stories.  I will keep you all updated.  The biggest trove of information, from Miami-Dade county, is unfortunately taking the longest to retrieve.  However, in the meantime, I am still receiving additional information sent to me from St. Lucie county as of a couple days ago.  (For example, the sexual assault / attempted murder case was covered at least nine more times in Fort Pierce’s newspaper(s)).  What you have read here is an abbreviated version of what will soon be published in book form.  There is so much more to George, Pearl, and Hugh’s stories, individually and collectively.  I also have many documents & articles I have already obtained and plan to share in the book.  If you have any information that could contribute to this (of which credit will be given), then please reach out at info@floridaafricana.com.

crystal.

[gravehags]

no one tagged me but i’m in a talkative mood so

Nickname: Ranchel (an iconic misspelling of my name I once got in a work email years ago) but I am open to more

Sign: Gemini sun, Gemini moon, Cancer rising

Height: 5’2.5”

Last google search: a challenge tomb walkthrough for shadow of the tomb raider

Song stuck in your head: Alien Superstar - Beyoncé

Sleep: if i don’t get exactly 8 hours my body acts like it’s going to shrivel up and die

Dream job: curator of a European painting collection

Wearing: Ghost shirt (The Crowning one that just came out) and black leggings

Favorite songs: too many to list but I’ve been having a moment about Cassandra by Florence and the Machine lately

Favorite instrument: violin

Aesthetic: gay aunt on vacation/hobbit goes to trader joe’s

Favorite author: Jane Austen

Favorite color: cerulean blue and oxblood red

Favorite animal sounds: my late dog Cooper sighing

Last song: Cinnamon Girl - Lana del Rey

Last series: Andor (so good please watch it)

Random: uhhhhhhh realized I was claustrophobic when I was halfway down a shaft in a pyramid in Egypt, I have 31 tattoos and 9 piercings, and I ripped out a chunk of my own hair in the womb while waiting to be birthed

Not tagging because I don’t want to bug anyone but by all means!!!

🐍About Me🐍

Got tagged by @n-brio, so let the fun begin~

Nickname: I've had several, but the most prominent are S_D (which I've used since I was twelve) and Snek. I like snakes. There's also the name people call me when they forget my name. Somehow it's always the same, so it must really suit me. XD

Sign:

Call Me Little Sunsign

Height: 5'5"

Last Google Search: I've been looking for a certain sausage cheese ball recipe, since I've lost the one I used last time.

Song Stuck In Your Head: Granite (Pendulum), since it's what's currently playing.

Followers: 2

Lucky Number: Killing Defiled Amygdala in only two tries was pretty lucky. That's gotta be my greatest Soulsborne moment.

Sleep:

Dream Job: I'm trying to write a story/book, so if I finished that and people enjoyed it, that'd be swell.

Wearing: Jack-o-lantern/bat/rat/ivy print leggings, socks, flip-flops house shoes, my middle school orchestra shirt, and a big, cozy jacket. And to think I just ragged on Fred for wearing flip-flops with socks.

Favorite Songs: So many. I'll pick some from a variety of styles: Legion (VNV Nation) Im Guten Im Bösen (Eisbrecher) Theremin [Club Edit] (Covenant) Respite on the Spitalfields (Ghost) Planet Hell (Nightwish) Honeythief (Halou) Das Neue Fleisch (Sielwolf) Resurrection (Christopher Young)

Favorite Instrument: Harpsichord. I love the sound.

Aesthetic: Does goth count? I've been into goth shit since, like, middle school. Otherwise, it's a hodgepodge. Feel free to peruse my Aesthetic tag.

Favorite Author: Lovecraft. I feel the burn of the torches and the sting of the pitchforks already. Honorable mention goes to my two favorite books: A Madman Dreams of Turing Machines by Janna Levin and The Hot Zone by Richard Preston.

Favorite Color: I like blues and greens a lot. And black.

Favorite Animal Sounds: My grandma has this saying: Whistling girls and crowing hens always come to no good ends. So you know what? Shout out to all the crowing hens.

Last Song: Benzin (Rammstein) just finished playing.

Last Series: I've been watching The Last of Us with someone who's super into the games. I never played them. The last shows I was really into were Resident Alien and Snowpiercer.

Random:

I don't have many people to tag, so... @the-hole-in-terzos-shoe, I tag you. Have fun~ :3 It'd be funny to tag @n-brio again and make it recursive. And anyone else who sees this, Kos has planted a tag inside your brain. Hail Mother Kos! Grant us tags!

[eveeleaf]

Do you promise?

 I was going to put this fanfic in the contest, but I couldn't finish in time 

More about my mc and the drawings I did that inspired the fic is here

I apologize for any grammatical error and  misspelling

Duality is a Visual Novel +18, minors DNI

@dualityvn

"You can do it, just talk calmly." She said to herself, very softly as she opened the flower shop door. The sound of the little bell filling the room, announcing someone's entry.

"Welcome, how can I help you today?" The attendant who had the badge with the name "Melissa" inlaid greeted with a sweet and friendly smile.

"Ahn... Well, it's just that the first time I came here I bought a peace lily to decorate my apartment for the first time and a b-boy attended to me. His name is Keith. He helped me a lot by answering my questions, and s-so I came to tell him how the flower is doing and ask for some more tips on how to preserved it.” She blurted out in a nervous tone when she realized that it wasn't the blond attendant she had been expecting.

"Ahh, yes. I see." Said Melissa in a calm manner as she understood what the girl was saying still with a smile on her face. "My colleague went out to place an order before he finished his workday, but I can offer you some tips on how to take care of your little plant and make it last for a long time." She said, taking out a little notebook.

"A-ah, yes, please. If it's not too much trouble."

After Melissa gave Eve some tips, she still wrote them down on a notebook sheet, explaining them calmly and answering all her questions. She thanked for the help and said goodbye before leaving the flower store. Although it was not quite what she had expected, the attendant Melissa, Keith's colleague, was very nice and helpful. Melissa seemed like a very nice person, she thought. Waiting for the traffic light to open so she could cross, she began to smile as she recognized a tall figure with an unmistakable skin tone. It was like a déjà vu from the first time they met.

"Hi, Eve! Where you goin’?" Greeted Tenebris as she approached.

"Hi Tenebris, what's up, I'm going to my work."

"Do you mind if I walk with you? I can drop you off if you wish." He inquired, putting his hands in his pockets. She couldn't help the slight giggle she gave. Eve always thought it was very cute of him how, ever since they met, Tenebris accompanied her whenever he could. - There was even one time one weekend when she met him on the way home and invited him to watch a movie together. That day was a lot of fun for both of them. - And even then, he always asked if he could accompany her, and she always answered yes.

"Oh, sure. If it's not in your way, we can go ahead and talk. " Eve said, already guiding the direction of the path beside Tenebris. "I've been practicing my shooting in Rainbow Six, it just gets hard to practice in a match style, because sometimes they take the gun I wanted to use," Eve said trying to make conversation as they walked. She had thought Tenebris was so cool at first, she had been nervous about making small talk or asking him to do any activities together. But now she felt much more comfortable in his presence. "When you are free, shall we play together? I really need some tips from you and for you to help me level up."

"Sure! You can leave it to me. I'm among the highest ranks there. With my help, you'll move up in status in no time. The key to winning the match is to pay close attention to the drones and always keep an eye on the map. During the week, I usually play more in the evening and early morning."

"Me too," Eve said, the two of them turning the corner could already see the building she worked in getting closer and closer as they walked. "We can arrange a good time by text. Is that okay?"

Tenebris' contact had been safe since the day he appeared out of nowhere in her apartment weeks ago. That gave her quite a fright. It felt as if her heart would jump out of her chest. Fortunately, she understood that he didn't mean any harm, but because he didn't know that you can't just barge into other people's homes. If it had been anyone else she would have found it hard to believe, but Tenebris' honesty reflected directly in his face, leaving no doubt at all. She trusted his word. Although it was really strange that he didn't know basic things like this, but who was she to question? Maybe he hadn't been directly taught in his childhood. Eve couldn't blame him. That was one of the reasons she had given him her number in the beginning. She wanted to make sure he wouldn't do anything reckless or dangerous again.

"But of course! That's fine with me."

"I need to go in now, see you later."

She held out her arms and reached up to hug him. That caught Tenebris a little off guard, but he quickly reciprocated with even more intensity. Squeezing her even tighter, but trying hard not to hurt her unintentionally with his abnormal strength unknown to Eve. Relaxing in the shared warmth. He was so tall that he could rest his head on top of her head.

"Oh, that's right!" Eve remembered something, trying to pull away from Tenebris' grip, in which he let go against his own will. "You like chocolate too, right? Here. I won a basket of chocolate in a raffle. I separated some for you." She handed the bag with the chocolates to him, not noticing his cheeks taking on a stronger shade of purple.

"Huh? Are you serious? T-thank you! You're very kind... did you set this aside just for me?"

"Uhum, I hope you like it," Said with a shy smile. "I have to go now, bye!" She said goodbye with a nod, walking towards the building's entrance. Leaving behind a paralyzed Tenebris with the silliest, happiest face that could exist who waved back.

-

"...Eve?"

A light knock on the table roused her from her reveries. Jacob, a colleague from work, was staring at her with an arched eyebrow.

"H-hi! Yes! ... What did you say again?"

"I came to ask if you received the email detailing the perfumery client's requests and demands. Since you didn't confirm it."

"A-ah," she straightened her posture in her chair to answer. "Yes, I did! Sorry, I ended up forgetting to confirm."

"It's okay, don't worry. Just try not to forget next time please." He assured with a smile already heading for the exit, until he stopped halfway.

"Oh, one more thing, here are two tickets. The client asked me to give them to you since he's going to take over the visual identity project for his store. Apparently it's for a famous flower fair he's having around town. He says it is to 'get a better feel for the real essence of the flowers' or something and he wanted to go along so he could educate you better but something came up. I would say that you were very lucky to get this client, but I have heard that he is quite extravagant in what he wants, and not in a good way. Not to scare you, of course. Just that I warned you about it. If you need any help, you know you can count on me, right?" Jacob said, putting his hand on her shoulder and giving her an empathetic look. "Anyway, here they are, and good luck on the project."

Eve took the tickets with one hand, the other trying to stifle a yawn, taking a closer look at them as Jacob finished packing up his things, waving before leaving. His schedule was ending as well. He decided to gather his things to go home when he heard a notification on his cell phone.

It was from his college friend, asking how she was.

Looking both ways, as if to make sure it was okay to text at the end of business hours, confirming the already empty tables, Eve began to tell of her day. About the failed attempt to try to talk to Keith, the meeting with Melissa for the first time, and the tickets she won from the client.

"That's it! You should ask him out."

"What?!"

She said, immediately covering her mouth in a meager attempt to muffle the sound. This took her by surprise, causing her to nearly choke on her own saliva. Fortunately she was talking by text message and not by video call. Or her co-workers would be giving her judgmental looks right now. Even though there was almost no one left on that floor.

"You said he was a nice guy, was single, and liked flowers. And that the tickets are for you to learn more about flowers and stuff. What's the problem then? You'd be putting the good and the bad together."

"The problem is that I've never done that before. What if I say something stupid? Or scare him? No, I will definitely scare him. Said in reply.

"That's impossible. How are you going to scare him? I know you can be a little off your head sometimes and say random things out of the blue, but you're still a nice person. Anyone would find you interesting. In fact, if I were you, I would have asked for his number the moment you met, but since you are shy, ask him about the flowers, for more information and tips. Use this project to your advantage as a way to get closer to him. Just act naturally and don't talk weirdness."

Eve stared at her friend's last messages for a while. Reflecting on the pros and cons. What harm could it do? It was a way to get closer to the florist. She still needed more information about the flower bouquet. It seemed to her a plausible reason to call Keith out without making it too obvious. In the end she concluded that there was nothing to lose. At worst, the rejection would serve as an experiment and she would try miserably to pretend it didn't happen, she thought.

"Okay. Wish me good luck then! If it goes wrong it's your fault!"

"Good luck! Everything will work out fine! Let me know how it goes."

-

"Okay, act naturally and don't talk weird. Act naturally and don't talk weird."

She continually repeated in her head as she opened the door to the flower shop that was on the way to her work the next day. The sound of the little door bell announcing her entrance.

"Welcome." Said the blond attendant behind the counter. "Hi, Eve. Good to see you again. What can I do for you today? Melissa told me you came by the other day. I'm so glad to hear that your little flower is doing well." He said with a cute smile on her face. Her cheeks were slightly pink, giving her face a more delicate look. Eve didn't want to miss any details of his features. Just hearing his voice made her happy.

"A-ah yes. It was... I came to get some tips on how to preserve her better and tell you that she's doing well. Thanks to the tips you two gave, I was able to keep her alive."

She tried, but unsuccessfully, to disguise the nervousness installed in her. As well as the shyness, due to the fact that her cheeks were probably flushed from being close to Keith.

It was almost impossible not to notice how handsome he was. His neat golden curls. His brown eyes that sparkled in the light. The fact that I was always dumbfounded to notice the contrast between their heights. Besides being handsome, Keith was very polite and kind. He always charmed Eve with his passion for flowers and his enthusiasm to tell her various curiosities about how the way an arrangement is put together expresses different meanings.

Walking around the store looking for the courage to bring up the subject, it was much harder to think calmly when you were actually face to face with him. Observed him attending to the customers out of the corner of her eyes while pretending to pay attention to some flowers. When the store was truly empty, with no more customers in sight, she approached him when she was sure it was just the two of them in the store.

"Ah... Keith?"

"Yes?" He said, turning his face in her direction. "Do you need any help or did you find what you were looking for?"

She felt her cheeks heat up at the thought that maybe she hadn't faked it convincingly enough.

"N-not really..."

She took a deep breath and continued

"I was in charge of a project related to a flower business at my work. A client who is opening a branch of a perfumery here in town hired us to create a visual identity and gave me two tickets to go to a flower festival to get more inspiration. I think the name was Floral Festival? Do you know it?"

Eve watched the blond florist stand paralyzed for a few milliseconds, until a smile implanted itself on his beautiful face and he nodded vigorously, making her heart skip a few beats.

"Yes! Of course I do! In fact, I've been wanting to go for a long time, but I couldn't get the tickets in time, since it's such a big event."

Knowing this couldn't be more encouraging to Eve. It was finally her chance to ask him out.

"W-well, I got two tickets since the client won't be able to go with me due to some unforeseen circumstances and I alone don't understand much of the meanings of flowers. So if you are free tomorrow...would you like to go together with me?"

Nervous was hardly enough to describe how Eve felt at that moment. It was the first time she had ever asked someone out. The first time she had ever been interested in someone to the point that she wanted to be with them and listen to them talk for hours on end. If she could spend these moments with Keith, she would be more than fulfilled.

As she tried to discreetly dry her sweaty hands, she could swear she saw Keith's face light up at the invitation, filling her heart with hope.

"Of course! I'd love to go along! It's going to be quite an experience. There are so many varieties of flowers that are displayed at this festival...it's going to be amazing! I can show you the lilies, roses, tulips! You can count on me!"

Eve's heart was beating so hard at that moment. She hoped with all her might that it wasn't so obvious the happiness that implanted itself on her face at that moment.

"Perfect! Thank you very much! It will help so much!" The happiness she felt at that moment could be compared to winning a rare character with few resources in a game. A unique luck. " At what time can we go together? What do you say we make better arrangements over the cell phone?" She said, already pulling her cell phone out of her pocket to try to save his number. In fact, Eve would have liked to ask for his number from the first time she saw him when she entered the flower shop looking for shelter from the rain, but she was too shy for that. And hoped that this way she could get closer to him. If only she had the same courage and honesty as Tenebris when he asked for her number.

"A-ah... Well, actually," Observed Keith fussed a bit before continuing. "My cell phone broke and I ended up losing all my contacts. I'm out for now. How about I drop by and pick you up at your place? You can write your address right here on this paper." He concluded as he took a piece of paper from the counter with a pen and directed it to her.

"Oh, that's fine! No problem for me" Eve replied, cautiously taking the pen from Keith's soft hands.

She had waited for days, which turned into weeks for a chance to approach the florist and she would not let this opportunity pass her by.

"See you tomorrow morning then?" She asked, before handing over the paper with her address written down.

"Yes! See you tomorrow!"

She gave a nod, taking one last look at Keith before leaving.

Her steps were so light. It felt like she was floating on fluffy clouds, but her heart was still racing. She couldn't believe what had just happened. She walked towards her apartment, almost dancing. Happiness stamped shyly on her face.

-

"You need to get out of your little world, life is much more than your room, you know? What experiences are you going to have locked in your room all day? That's not life."

"I know mom, I've been taking bike rides in the park and hanging out with my friend. I don't just stay at home..."

It was only a few minutes before Keith arrived, but Eve was stuck talking to her mother on her cell phone, who decided to lecture her at that hour.

"Don't be like your brother. The other day I fought with him for being locked in his room all day. He needs to focus on his studies, he is about to graduate from high school. You know I only want what's good for you. I am afraid that you will hurt yourself while you are distracted like this. Try to be alert at all times, especially when you go out. There are many rumors going around of people being harassed late at night.

"I know mom, don't worry, I promise I am taking care of myself."

Her mother meant well and cared about her and her younger brother, but she didn't know how to listen to the opinions of others. It bothered Eve that only her opinions mattered. If she had a different opinion than her mother, she didn't take it well. She couldn't understand how liking to stay at home more, amounted to isolating herself from the world and living in a bubble. Really, what did one thing have to do with the other? She could exaggerate sometimes. That's why she did everything she could to move out and live on her own, where she felt much better without all the pressure on her.

"All right then, I'll call you later for a better talk. Now I have to go. Once again, be careful! Kisses, see you later."

"Bye, see you later."

She waited to end the call before letting out a sigh. That had sucked a lot of her desire to leave now.. It frustrated her too much to not be enough or never do enough to please her mother. In time she just accepted it with her mouth shut and tried to forget, although it still made her sad when it happened. When she was sad, she would isolate herself and try to distract her mind by playing games or watching something, but she had a date with Keith right now. She couldn't let it end her day.

That's what she decided. Closing the lights in her apartment, she refilled her kitty's food bowl, and gave her a small cuddle while she watched her eat. Getting up, he picked up his cell phone from the table and saw that he had received a message from someone at work. But he decided to check it another time. He was off duty and couldn't think of anything else to do at that moment. Now was also not the time to be sad and depressed.

Going down to the reception, she put the last touches on her dress and hair. Checking if everything was in its place. Until she heard footsteps coming from her right side.

"Did I take too long?" There was no mistaking hearing that sweet voice that made Eve's heart leap just by uttering measly syllables.

"No, I just got here too." She replied, waving her hands to emphasize that everything was fine. "Shall we?" She said, positioning herself next to Keith so they could start walking.  

-

This was harder than it seemed for Eve. Being around Keith made her nervous, afraid she would do or say something stupid. Her hands sweated uncontrollably and she always tried to dry herself on her clothes when he wasn't looking.

Fortunately the environment chosen for the festival was cool and well ventilated, which lightened the atmosphere. The smell was also pleasant. And since Eve had taken her antiallergic there was no risk of sneezing at an inopportune moment.

"Look, here they also have Cosmos atrosanguineus! Their structure can reach a height of 40 to 70 cm. They do not generate seeds and need to be raised with the help of tissue culture or root division. That's why where they live is protected by law.

She moved closer to Keith to hear him better. There was nothing that made her happier than hearing him talk about plants. It seemed like he was going off into his own little world, talking all excited about curiosities she had never heard before, but it made her heart warm to hear him talk. There was no doubt that he loved what he did.

"Really? Wow, they really do smell like chocolate!" She moved closer to the red flowers, feeling their fragrance. "Do they taste like chocolate too?" She pondered, laughing a little at her own comment.

"I believe not, but trying is not impossible." Said Keith with a hand in front of his mouth covering his mouth a bit as Eve laughed, "Do you like chocolate?"

"Oh, I do. Very much actually. Ahh, just thinking about it I get mouthwatering ."

"Why don't we sit down a bit? We've been walking for a while now." Said Keith pointing to some covered benches where there were some people sitting around talking.

The sky was a beautiful shade of orange, indicating the end of the afternoon and the slow arrival of night.

"What did you think of the festival, Keith? Was it fun?" She could feel her cheeks warming up again as she stared him right in the eye. Wondering if she would ever get used to being so close to him.

"It was so much fun! It's the first time I've had the opportunity to come into contact with so many rare plants that I've never seen in person before," Keith said with a beautifully satisfied smile on his face, which changed to a slight frown along with a slight restlessness in his fingers that went unnoticed by Eve. "Thank you so much for asking me to come along today, Eve. It was one of the best days for me. It really has been a long time since I've had this much fun. I hope you had as much fun as I did and that I was of some help to your project. I know that sometimes I can get a little carried away when it comes to flowers... haha" he concluded a little nervously.

"Thank you for coming along with me! I don't know what I would have done without your help. I've been able to absorb a lot of interesting things about flowers and it will help me a lot in my work. Thank you very much indeed for today."

"What did you enjoy seeing most today?"

"Hmm, that's a tough one. Haha. There were so many plants that I've never seen before in person. But if I could only choose one, I would say lilies. They have been my favorite since I was little, so it was special to see them in person. They are even more beautiful up close.

Eve could have sworn she saw the exact moment when Keith's eyes light up like stars in the sky upon hearing her answer. Making her own heart skip a beat.

"Lilies are one of my favorites too!"

"Really?!"

"Yeah!"

"How did we spend the day at a flower festival and not know each other's favorites?"

The two fell into laughter. It was clear to see the moment when the atmosphere became lighter. But thanks to those moments and the opportunity to spend the day with each other. They could get to know each other a little better.

Expressing herself with words was never Eve's strong suit. She had always considered herself more the type who liked to observe people and just be a spectator than to have an effective conversation. She hoped that little by little she could change that about herself.

The fair was almost over. She wanted to give him something to end that day well. Something that could be memorable. That when he looked at it, he would remember this day with her. That's when she noticed the gift store with seedlings of several plants. This was the perfect gift.

"Look, Keith! Let's go over there!" She said, already running in the direction of the little shop.

"Hi, I hope you enjoyed the festival," said a little lady who looked to be in her sixties. "Here in our store we have seedlings of various plants as a form of gift giving. Flowers are like eternal partners, storing precious and joyful moments, using that joy as a source of energy. As a kind of souvenir. Said the shop assistant, pointing to her side, where there were a few seedlings left on offer "Since the festival is almost over, I can give a discount to the young couple."

"A-ah, we're not-" How many more times could Eve's cheeks take the redness? She thought.

"Come on, don't be shy! From afar I could observe that you make a beautiful couple together! We have these options still available. I'm sure they will be to your liking."

"S-so, would you have any lily seedlings left?"

"Ahh, unfortunately no," she spoke with an apologetic tone. "They were the most requested and ran out early. But we still have those beautiful tulips available."

"Hmm, that being the case," she pondered for a moment, trying to remember the things Keith had explained to her about the meanings of tulips. "I'll have those red tulips, please."

"Here, young lady. May these tulips pass on your feelings to your beloved."

"T-Thank you." She paid for the two seedlings, placed in vases, and approached Keith.

"Ah, I wanted to pay for them." He said, seeing the two plant seedlings in Eve's hands.

"No! You already paid for our lunch, even though I insisted on helping. Now it's my turn to pay you back," she said, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Well, I really wanted to give you lilies but since they were no longer available, I hope you'll accept these tulips. As a gift from today. That way we can share something together, what do you think?"

"B-but Eve, those... I mean, are you sure?"

Agreed Eve, nodding her head positively.

"I know we may not be close enough to be considered friends, but I'd like to go through that stage and get to know you better. I mean, if you want too of course." I said, glancing over from the corner of my eye to check Keith's reaction.

"Eve...do you think the meaning of the red tulip is that of friendship?"

"Huh, Isn't that right?"

Keith couldn't hold it in and began to laugh at the situation.  To the others it might not have been such a funny thing, but the moment Eve offered him the red tulips, he felt his heart race faster and almost had a meltdown.

"I think you got a little confused," he tried to calm his breathing to stop laughing and continue explaining. "Yellow tulips mean cheerful thoughts, red ones, well..." he hesitated a bit before moving closer to Eve's ear so that only she could hear. "It has a more romantic meaning, they represent 'true and everlasting love' ' He pulled away, covering the smile that settled on his lips lightly with his hand. "Shall we walk? I'll drop you off at your front door."

She was too embarrassed to verbalize anything, so she just nodded her head low. Following along the path back to her house, they continued talking about how the day went and the fun things they did and saw, with Keith still joking a bit with Eve about the tulip event. She didn't like being picked on, but if it was Keith, she didn't mind a bit.

"We're here." He said, stopping in front of the doorway of her apartment. "Thanks so much for today. I really had a great time today. "

"I had a great time too. Thanks again for accepting my invitation." I said, hesitating a bit before continuing. "...Keith?"

"Yes?"

"I know I ended up confusing the meanings, but they still represent how I feel," Eve confessed with her head bowed. "I hope we can go out and get to know each other better, but I know how I feel about you is a stronger feeling than just friendship, so...would you like to go out with me another day? Like a date?"

Eve felt her hands sweat more than they should. Looking forward to Keith's answer.

"So... today wasn't a date?"

!!!!

This caught her so off guard that she raised her head in surprise. Did he consider today a date? Would he like to have been one? As if he could read Eve's thoughts at that moment, a light laugh echoed off Keith's lips before he continued. "I'd love to. My turn to pick a place. What do you think?"

"Y-yes! That would be great." She readily agreed, fiddling lightly with her dress. "We'll be in touch then? When your cell phone is fixed, can you give me your number?"

Keith stirred a bit, looking like he wanted to say something, but in the end he just said with a slight smile on his face, "Sure, see you later." He said goodbye with a nod.

Eve waved back, watching Keith's figure grow more and more distant.

When she could no longer see him from afar, she headed for the entrance to her apartment. Until she felt her cell phone vibrating in her purse. A message.

"What's up, Eve? Are you free today? Can we play together today?"

A smile formed on Eve's lips. It wasn't too hard to tell who sent the messages. It was Tenebris. Just imagining that he actually remembered that... Eve could only think that he got even cuter as the days went by.

Just as she was about to answer, her cell phone screen changed to an attempted call from her superior at work. A sigh already escaped her lips as she realized that this call would not be quick or easy to handle. She didn't want to answer at that moment, but she knew that not answering would only make things worse. So she headed to a darker, more private corner, mentally preparing herself for what was to come.

-

"Do you have a problem? Is there nothing going on in that hollow little head of yours but wind? Seriously, I've had enough of this. Don't you think? Use your head for something! Get out of your world and pay more attention to the things around you.”

"I-I didn't know. I-"

"That's exactly what I'm talking about! Ask next time. Those tickets were for you and me! You're such a fool, aren't you?"

"B-but they didn't tell me, and you-you'd already gone home-"

"Are you going to try to use that lame excuse now? Seriously, you're impossible. You know what? Forget it." The call ended brutally.

It had been over 20 minutes since the extremely uncomfortable conversation had lasted. Eve had avoided prolonging the torture as much as possible, just hoping it would be over soon.

She couldn't express her feelings well or verbalize her thoughts, and as a result she was at the mercy of other people's cruelty.

A small feeling of relief formed the moment the call ended. The tears finally falling rolled freely down her face in a silent way.

Stupid. Idiotic. Dumb. She kept repeating in her head, belittling herself. Motionless for a few moments to pull herself together, or at least to try.

Wiping away the tears, she slowly went to the grocery store to get something to relieve the pain and emptiness she now felt in her chest. She was sad and hungry, she needed to eat something before going back to her bubble of sadness.

With the automatic door giving her access and with a somewhat apathetic appearance, she picked up a small basket, placing sweets like chocolate bars and snacks. All in the automatic mode. It didn't seem fair. Why did things like this have to happen so soon after such a good and fun day? Was she not allowed to have a normal day and be happy for a while? Maybe it's true, she thought. Maybe she was a fool who lived in the world of the moon. Acceptance slowly taking over her body. Maybe that was the kind of treatment she deserves.

Paying for the things she bought and leaving the store still disconnected from the rest of the world, just wanting to get home soon. Until she felt someone's hand hold hers tightly from behind.

"Hey, lady," a man she had never seen before held her tightly by the hand, preventing her from letting go. "You dropped this in the back, I came to give it back to you."

It was the keychain from her purse. The chain was a little frayed and slack, so it must have fallen off without her noticing.

"Oh... thank you." She said, taking back her keychain and trying to let go of his hand, but he wouldn't let go at all, feeling the grip getting stronger she tried unsuccessfully to pull away. "I'm going to go now, then-"

"You're very pretty... and you smell very nice too. Don't you want to keep me company? We can do something together... shall we go to my place?" He said, moving closer.

Eve could smell the strong odor of alcohol coming from him. It had to be. Just when she thought this one couldn't take a worse ending, it happened. She hated with all her might people who drank beyond their account, losing their ability to reason.

"No, I need to go." He tried to pull on her arm. "Let go of me please."

"Come on, I promise you it will be fun. Just the two of us. Just the two of us. I bet you don't have anything more interesting to do anyway..."

"No, let me go." He looked around for help, but the street was deserted. There was no one around. He tried desperately to let go of her hand, but even drunk he was still stronger than she was. Maybe if she screamed for help...

"Get your fucking hands off her, you shit."

She froze in place, her feet frozen on the ground as she noticed the figure of someone say before knocking out the drunk who was pestering her, knocking him to the ground. It was very dark, you couldn't see the person properly by the low lighting.

"You're nothing but a little shit." She watched this someone, grab the fallen drunk by the collar to land another punch. Before dropping him to the ground and turning toward her. That was the snap she needed to snap back to reality. With adrenaline surging through her body, Eve began to run as fast as she could. All she wanted was to get away from this situation. Really, how unlucky was she to have to deal with all of this in a single day? As she ran she grabbed the cell phone from her purse and tried to call someone.

She needed help. Someone. Anyone. She didn't want to and knew that she couldn't deal with the situation alone. She clicked on the first number that appeared in her call history. Not paying attention to the path she was running, she ran into a dead end. That's when her legs gave way and she fell to the ground. She was exhausted. She didn't have the strength at the moment to get up. She could only feel the beats of her own heart and her cell phone.

Until her heard the sound of another cell phone ringing in front of you. And so did the quick footsteps of someone getting closer and closer. As the figure got closer and closer, she could recognize that it was the same person as just now, who knocked out that drunk. When he finally stopped in front of her, she could better notice his face. He had blotches of purple mixed on his face and body. He was also wearing a purple shirt, but in a shade that he noticed was darker. She also wore a necklace that Eve swore she had seen before...! But it was when the person finally answered the ringing cell phone that the situation changed course.

"Eve...!"

She couldn't quite understand. This person was wearing the clothes of Tenebris, but the face resembled another. But how? Could it be a coincidence? Her eyes could be deceiving her. Looking at her screen display, she realized that she had tried to call Tenebris, so why? Why had he answered? He couldn't think clearly what had just happened. How was this possible? What was this? Why did he also resemble Keith?

"I'm sorry about that! I-I didn't mean to scare you! I was concerned since it had been a while since you had answered my messages. That's when I saw that piece of garbage bothering you...and I just lost my mind. I'm sorry." He said, kneeling in front of her.

When she tried to say something, the figure that looked like Tenebris but with some of Keith's features began to cringe pulling at her own hair as she took steps backwards. "No, not now!" was the last thing she heard him say before he stirred more and more. Until it completely took on the form of someone she dared to say she knew well. For there was no mistaking this face she thought of whenever she could.

"Eve... I-I can explain! I know this is super weird and confusing, but if you give me a chance, I promise I'll explain everything to you...!" Pleaded Keith, slowly approaching her, with light steps so as not to startle her even more. Stopping at a distance that allowed a good view of her face. It really was him. There was no doubt about it. But this just happened... one moment it was Tenebris, and now it was totally Keith in front of her, as if they were two people in one body. All she wanted was to wake up from this crazy dream.

Eve lifted her head to get a good look at him. Her thoughts were conflicting in her mind. She wasn't sure how to process it all, but she could see the anxiety and sense of desperation in Keith's eyes. He seemed to really want to explain himself. And that was all she wanted most at that moment.

"A-all right," she said, her voice faltering a little and regaining the strength to stand up. There was no point in staying there on the floor confused about it. She needed clarification. With a sigh, she sought the strength to continue saying. "Shall we go upstairs? We'd better talk somewhere more private and quiet." She suggested, pointing to her apartment building which she could recognize now that she was a little calmer.

"C-Couse! Yes we will..." Keith was quick to respond, but hesitated a bit before following her. He stayed the whole way to Eve's apartment in silence, his head down, already thinking about the worst of the situation.

He sat down when she offered him a chair, sitting next to each other, face to face. Offering a cup of tea beforehand, to further calm his nerves before they talked.

"About what happened now... what was that about?" Eve began, a little afraid still. "... Do you know Tenebris? He... and you..." She couldn't continue the rest of the sentence.

"I'm really sorry I kept it from you Eve..." she listened intently to what Keith had to say. "I didn't mean for things to have happened like that, I just...! I was scared. Really afraid. That you would freak out and end up walking away from me... from us! I've been with him since I can remember, it's something that no one can explain, we also have no idea how or why we both share the same body. And after a long time, we end up just accepting it. Trying to deal with this situation the best way we could, but it's really not easy. For neither of us. Everybody that we know, people that I used to live with, my friends... everybody has moved away, avoided us. I can't blame them. When I met you, I was very afraid. That you would also run away the moment you knew our truth, what we are. I am sorry. But please! I promise you that-"

"Is that why you didn't give me your phone? You said it was in repair." She interrupted him unintentionally, but she needed to know.

"A-ah, that..." she scratched her head lightly before continuing. "My cell phone was really broken, Tenebris gets a little carried away sometimes. Except that you already had the number the moment you gave yours to Tenebris that day. I assumed that you would find it odd, to say the least, to try to text me and have him answer."

"Ahh, true..." she rolled over in her chair a little. It was the first time Eve had seen Keith wearing more punk styled clothes, so it was a little strange for her to see Keith wearing Tenebris' clothes, but not in a bad way. "Hmm, I'm not going to lie, this is all kind of weird. A lot actually...but that's all it is to me. Now that the adrenaline has passed and I can think better, I can no longer be surprised and scared of you two. I even apologize if my reaction was over the top, it probably must have hurt you."

"Huh?"

"I mean," she tried to explain herself better. "Yeah, this whole stuff about you guys being connected like that, it's unusual, but you guys have never done anything to hurt me or anything like that. You've always been kind to me, and I like you both. Very much, actually. I was surprised that this was the first time I saw something like this, but I wasn't afraid. I don't see any reason to stay away from you. I understand how it hurts when people pull away without warning or lose interest in you..."

"I-I, I mean... really? Are you sure about that?"

"Uhum." He agreed, nodding positively.

Keith still couldn't believe it. Much less Tenebris. It was just too surreal. To meet a person who for the first time was not afraid of Tenebris or repulsed by them. Eve could tell he still had his doubts about it, so she held out her pinky to Keith.

"How about this? I promise that no matter what happens, I won't abandon you or walk away without saying anything to you, pinky-finger promise-... Oh, right!" She lifted her other hand raising her other pinky together. "Okay, now yes, pinky promise. I promise you both."

That was the final straw for both of them. It felt like it was all a dream, and that at any moment they might wake up in their house, as if nothing that happened now was real. It was too good for both of them to be considered true.  With this small gesture, Eve unintentionally made them both take over the body at the same time, but only for a short time. Wiping away the tear that was falling from her eyes, they raised their hands so that they could both intertwine their pinkies with hers.

"Do you promise?"

"Uhum! I promise!"

[waitineedaname]

"Accidently ending a phone call with your roommate with a casual ‘I love you’ seems like a very good reason to move out"

For benrey @ gordon?

“And can you pick up some oat milk while you’re there? I just realized I’m out.”

“Man, oat milk freaks me out,” Benrey said, pushing their shopping cart towards the dairy section anyway. “Like, do oats even have, uh. Others?”

“Others?” There was a beat of silence as Gordon attempted to figure out exactly what the hell Benrey was talking about. “You mean udders?”

“Yeah. Cow things.”

“Dude, that’s not how oat milk works.” Gordon’s laugh made Benrey’s cheap phone speakers crackle.

“Then how does it work? Huh? Mister scientician?” Benrey propped the phone between their ear and shoulder as they opened the fridge door to grab the brand of oat milk he knew Gordon liked.

“I don’t fucking know! I’m not a goddamn milk scientist.” Even through a phone call, Benrey could hear the smile on Gordon’s face. “They squeeze juice out of the oats or smush them into a paste or something. I don’t know. Stop making me think about how oat milk works, it’s going to make me not want to drink it anymore.”

“Cool, so I’ll buy milk with extra lactose then.”

“You will not, unless you wanna deal with me laying on the couch complaining all afternoon because my stomach hurts.”

“You do that anyway.”

“Fuck off, man.” Gordon’s tone of voice didn’t carry any bite to it. “Alright, I gotta go, I’m almost at the end of the queue to pick Joshie up. I’ll see you back at home, okay?”

“Mhm. Love you, bye.” Benrey hung up and shoved their phone back in their jacket pocket. They unfolded the shopping list and attempted to decipher the mix of their own chicken scratch, Gordon’s doctor handwriting, and the occasional misspelled request for snacks in Joshua’s six year old handwriting. Okay, they had to get those frozen chicken nuggets Joshua liked, another pack of seltzer, a can of black beans since Gordon was planning to cook dinner tonight-

Thinking about Gordon made them suddenly freeze in place as they realized what they’d just done. Did… Did they just say “love you” on the phone with Gordon?

Aw, fuck.

They’d been living with Gordon for a while now. It hadn’t always been an easy thing for either of them. When they’d been freshly respawned, both of them had been jumpy around each other at best, and at worst, they were at each other’s throats trying to kill each other. It took a long time and a lot of uncomfortable conversations for them to get to the point where they could interact without an unbearable amount of tension. From there, they were able to start rebuilding an actual friendship. Turns out, they got along a lot better when they weren’t in mortal danger. Who knew!

Living with Gordon involved a lot of rules, both spoken and unspoken. They involved stuff like “don’t ask weird questions about Gordon’s feet,” “if one of them gets too angry, walk it off instead of actually fighting,” and “no gross body horror in front of Gordon’s son.” It also involved shit like “please for the love of god don’t put empty juice cartons back in the fridge” and “don’t stain the carpets with Sweet Voice, this is a rental and that security deposit is worth getting back.” So far, Benrey hadn’t had too much trouble following the rules. They had been a security guard, after all; following rules was supposed to be their thing. Besides, they were a low price to pay to get to spend time with Gordon.

One of those early unspoken rules, however, had been “keep the flirting to a minimum.” That one had been a little tricky at first, but it had been necessary, especially back when they still weren’t on the best of terms. Benrey learned that when Gordon was already worked up, blowing a kiss did the opposite of diffusing the situation. This was news to Benrey. Who didn’t love a little kiss from their buddies? Lame.

That had been an early rule, though, and one that had kind of faded into the background over time. The longer they lived together, the more physically affectionate they both got, and a little domesticity is only to be expected when you share a household. It was nice. Comfortable.

And then Benrey had to go and say “I love you” on the phone. What the fuck.

That had to be crossing a line, right? Gordon was fine with some handholding and some cuddling and they’d make dinner together once a week, but this had to be pushing it.

Benrey went through the rote motions of buying the rest of their groceries without really paying attention, too busy panicking. There was only one option. They had to move out. This was fine. This was totally fine. They could just crash on Tommy’s couch until they find a place of their own because there was no way this wasn’t going to make Gordon freak the fuck out. As much as they loved fucking with Gordon, they’d learned there was the fun kind of freaking him out and the bad kind of freaking him out. They were fairly certain this fell into the bad category.

By the time that they were walking up to their apartment door, they were already mentally packing up all their things, resigned to their fate. They were so stuck in their own head that Joshua barreling into their legs when they opened the door actually startled them.

“Benny!” Joshua cheered, clinging to their jeans.

“Hey, li’l dude.” Benrey carefully tried to push past the kid without tripping over him on the way to the kitchen. Tragically, that’s where Gordon also happened to be.

“Hey, what took you so long?” Gordon asked, taking some of the grocery bags from them. “I thought you’d gotten lost in Costco again.”

Benrey grunted noncommittally and started putting away groceries instead of answering Gordon. Maybe if they didn’t look at him, they could avoid confronting whatever Gordon’s reaction was. Yeah, definitely, this seemed like a sustainable, reasonable decision to make. Yep.

“Dude.” Gordon’s hand suddenly appeared on their forearm. Benrey stared at it, then looked up at Gordon’s concerned face. “Are you okay?”

“Huh?”

“You’re putting carrots in the utensil drawer.”

Benrey looked down at their hands again. Oh. So they were.

“You’ve been acting weird ever since you got back from the store,” Gordon said, gently taking the carrots away from them. “Did something happen? You wanna talk about it?”

Benrey screwed their mouth up. No, they didn’t want to talk about it, but learning how to talk through things like adults was something they both had agreed to do. That had been a rule introduced by an exasperated Tommy, sick of mediating their bullshit. So, they sighed and looked away while Gordon put the carrots in the vegetable drawer of the fridge. “I was thinking about how I’ve gotta move out.”

“What?” Gordon stood up too fast and smacked his head on the freezer door. He swore loudly, and Benrey reached over to hand him a bag of frozen peas to put on the back of his head. “Thanks. But also, what? Since when are you moving out?”

“Uh, since now?” Benrey said, confused. Shouldn’t it be obvious?

“Why?”

“‘Cause I said I love you on the phone? Dummy? You, uh, a fucking old man got bad brain disease, not remembering things?” They said, defaulting to picking on Gordon to avoid focusing on anything else. Gordon stared blankly at them for a moment, then, against all odds, a grin spread across his face.

“Benrey,” He said, and Benrey decided he didn't like that tone one bit, “Are you embarrassed?”

“Whuh? No.” There was no way they could be embarrassed. That definitely wasn't what was going on here. Nope. Not a bit, “...Maybe.”

“Dude, you don't have to be embarrassed about that.” Gordon laughed. “Do you know how often I've said stupid Freudian slips? I called my sixth grade teacher mom once and wanted to change my name and move to Canada. I've been there.”

“It wasn't, uh… It wasn't too much? Not crossing a line or anything?”

“Nah, man. It was kinda sweet.” Gordon flashed him a smile and finished putting away the last of the groceries.

“Cool.” Benrey relaxed, letting go of the tension that had been building in their shoulders. “That's good ‘cause I was gonna fight you for custody of your Xbox.” Gordon snorted.

“Good fucking luck, you’re too much of a Playstation guy to win that case.”

The evening passed relatively uneventfully from there. Gordon enlisted Benrey’s help in cooking dinner, and Joshua eagerly told them all about the cool dinosaur facts he’d learned in class that day. They went through the easy routine of watching just one episode (which of course always turned into several episodes) of Joshua’s choice of TV, then Benrey helped wash up in the kitchen while Gordon put Josh to bed. Gordon joined them as they finished washing dishes and squeezed Benrey’s shoulder affectionately when they were done.

“Alright, man, I think I’m gonna head to bed early tonight.”

Benrey nodded. “Cool. I’ll be quiet.”

“Don’t worry about it. G’night, dude.”

“Night, Gordon.”

“Oh, and Benrey?” Gordon paused in the doorway of his bedroom and waited until Benrey glanced up at him. Gordon smiled. “Love you too.”

He shut the door before Benrey could respond, leaving Benrey to stare blankly at the door. They let out a groan, careful not to wake Joshua. Oh, Gordon was going to be the death of them.

[simshousewindsor]

THANK YOU!! 💜

It’s been just over a year since I made the decision to not only start a simblr but a ROYAL simblr (😱Oh Nooo lol). I started this journey as a way to be creative and express myself through a game that I love so much! I had no expectations other than wanting to share what I thought was a fun expression of my own game play. 

I must admit, I’ve been rather quiet the last year but I promise to be more social and engaging. The past year, I’ve focused on creating characters and storylines I thought were engaging while also watching and reading allllll of YOUR story’s and learning how to be better. The lighting and angles in some on my first posts...💀💀🫣🤣, but I learned! I made tons of mistakes from misspelling my own character names to just BAD stories, but I kept on trying because I wanted to push myself. Seeing each of your amazing Sims and story’s pushed me too. I thought about quitting my blog a few times bc of my own “expectations” but once I realized, THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN and also IT’S JUST A GAME, it became enjoyable again. I’m STILL learning and have a long way to go but this experience has been so fun, rewarding and cathartic!

So, as I move to the end Part 1 I want to say THANK YOU for clicking that Follow button and liking my characters and their stories. Thank you for sharing your gameplay’s and giving me constant inspiration, and showing me just how insanely fun and unique we all are! I love The Sims and thoroughly enjoy sharing my game play with all of my fellow Simmers!

Happy Siming!! 💚

The Royal House of Windsor (ts4)

[chessieshire]

Processing my thoughts here.

I've been rewatching Cas and Dean scenes and moments where I know they talk about each other to analyze their reactions. Why? Because I wanted to assess for myself how I think Dean feels about Cas. I like to think I have pretty good intuition or so I've been told throughout my life. Track record of it is pretty good with the results.

When you grow up walking on eggshells having to assess people's behavior and emotions in order to protect yourself and others it becomes a necessary survival skill.

So what do I think so far? Ok so Dean is definitely bi so let's get that out of the way.

I personally think Dean has been subconsciously attracted to Cas and has felt love for him as a best friend or brother up until season 12 when I believe Dean actually fell in deep love with Cas.

I believe the moment Dean fell in love with Cas was when Cas killed Billy to save the 3 of them and then says he doesn't care if he loses his own life as a consequence.

I think before that moment Dean really did feel dead inside from being locked up in solitude for almost 2 months. Then when Cas made that huge risk to his own life to save theirs I believe it brought Dean's emotions back to life. Like a cosmic jumpstart.

Obviously Dean's an emotionally suppressed dum dum (I am too it takes one to know one) that he wasn't aware of falling in love with Cas he was just reacting to his frustrations, confusions, and concern for Cas and the "cosmic consequences". Hence the marital bickering in the next episode.

I believe that Dean started to realize he was in love with Cas when he almost died by the poisonous/venomous lance. When Cas said he loves him looking at Dean and loves them all. Dean started to realize he loved him romantically as he almost lost him again but probably still didn't "get" what kind of love Cas meant towards him.

Then Dean's dealing with too much confusion about it. He was so upset with Cas leaving and not responding to his messages it triggered his abandonment issues while Mary was also "needing space" at the same time that made those triggers worse. He had told Cas previously that he's his and Sam's best friend and brother (probably to observe his reaction to that to get a hint of how Cas felt) but he's obtuse so he probably felt like Cas loved him like a bro.

Not to mention season 7 when Dean is telling Kevin that he doesn't believe angels have the equipment to care and when they try they breakdown.

So I can see how it never occurred to him about Cas being in love with him and why he'd continue to suppress his own emotions and try distracting them with countless women. Despite cutting down on the sexual conquests in the last few seasons because they probably didn't work much anymore as a distraction and he got a piece of the void filled with merely Cas's friendship.

Edited to add: (oh shit how could I forget to point out?! So the last time Dean canonically had sex was season 12 episode 18 while Cas was missing and Dean was extremely upset with him. Dean was trying to distract his feelings about Cas and it no longer worked in my opinion. He looked more distracted than usual and when he told Sam how his night was he had to say awesome 3 times like he was trying to convince himself. Hence the last time he sleeps with a woman. From this point on Dean doesn't have anymore one night stands. ...carry on...)

Without a doubt Dean was unsure if angels in general could actually fall in love and felt like it was less painful to not pursue a romantic relationship due to the job and how either one of them could die for any reason.

If Cas had been human and there were no more monsters and demons and supernatural shit to hurt and kill people I'm confident that they would've been hooking up. It would've ruled out the complicated job risks and made clear that Cas is capable of feeling romantic love for somebody.

The times that Dean was actually angry at Cas and not "pretend angry but actually worried" were because he was offended that Cas didn't trust him and that Cas took off without an explanation or response. It just added to Dean's fears of Cas being incapable of feeling true love for him because he's an angel.

When Dean prayed to Cas in season 15 I think he was going to finally confess he loved him. But time was of the essence. As it always is and then they never get a moment after that to really talk to each other until Cas confessed his love.

Edit: Can I check this one off?! Because it really does sound like Dean says, "I...(breathy pause) I-love...(huff pause) you-don't know why I get so angry." *thinks* Yeahhhh it counts dammit! ✅

The episode after Dean's confession is Garth showing him being with someone is possible with their complicated backgrounds and jobs and he dances with a lamp and blows it a kiss. Whether or not the lamp really is a stand in for Cas it definitely is a representation of something or someone Dean truly wants.

He yearns for sharing love with someone.

Edit: Can I sorta check this one off? Ehhhh...maybe??? The guy that plays Garth (sorry I don't want to misspell the actor's name) stated that there was hidden subtext for romantic love with Dean and another character. He didn't say the subtext was "lamp" though since he thought this scene was meant to be fun...but...I think maybe it still could be if he was unaware of it. Since I'm hearing the dance choreographer says there's deeper meaning.

In season 11 Dean asked Jesse and his husband Cesar about what was it like settling down with a hunter. He was thinking about it! He wanted to know not only for Sam but for himself as well! He asked a GAY COUPLE which clues me in on maybe because they made him think of him and Cas. Maybe subconsciously anyway.

Dean never gets the opportunity to express how he truly feels other than anger, forgiveness, and brotherly love towards people and that's some toxic masculinity bullshit!

When Cas left to the Empty Dean was completely breaking down not just because he lost Cas but because he felt he lost his only chance at a happy life with a significant other who understands him.

And then the next episodes made no fucking sense. Read a bit like "oh well now I'm relieved I didn't have to confess my deep love for a dude and can move on! Mmmmmm...pie!"

(my phone autocorrected to "mmmmmm... Pierre" and I was like 👀 even my phone's like Dean is bi and looking for a french dude to take his mind off Cas lolll)

So to summarize...Dean Winchester loves Castiel and the last 2 episodes is some outrageous bullshit and I'll never get over it unless by some miracle Jensen obtains the rights to the show and fixes it!

[felrend]

Just realized I’ve been spelling Erend’s last name wrong probably for the last two weeks or so....and now I gotta go fix all of them. Because...I just need my tags to be in order and showing up properly. 

FML

Tumblr. Can you please make it easier to just delete tags out of your “suggested tags”? that way I don’t have this constant issue of which one I should be using and not the one that I accidentally misspelled? 

Instead of the bull shit you have added to the mobile app? No one wants the previous tags in there.

[omg-im-such-a-masochist]

COPING WITH YOUR FEARS

Prompt: You just bought a new house with your boyfriend Roman,with the thing he loves the most in it: a pool. The only problem? He doesn’t know you’re terrified of water and don’t know how to swim.

Word count: Long-ish

Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader

Warnings: +18,clitoris stimulation,smut implied,cursing,praise kink,aquaphobia(fear of water),slight angst

Tag: My sister from another mister @ziasaph (she might recognize this topic hahahah thank you for always inspiring me,love!)

Notes: Hello loves! So this is a based on a true story event (I almost drowned when I was a little girl and have been terrified of water since then),so this is me trying to cope with my fear even if it’s only a fictional thing hahahaha(since this specific scenario with Roman is impossible for little old me! But that doesn’t mean a girl can’t dream right?!).Sorry for misspellings,english isn’t my first language...you know the usual. Please let me know what you think(if you’re comfortable with it) some feedback is always appreciated ❤️ Also feel free to check out my other stories typing ‘masochist writes’ on the search bar on my page and you can always find my latest story as a fixed post on my page. Ok I’m done babbling now hahahaha. Hope you’ll enjoy 😉

Oh summer...the best season to enjoy the life outside: wear nothing more than swimsuits and bikinis,get some Mother Nature’s natural vitamin D and swimming!

It all sounds like a dream,right?! Except for the fact that.. I DON’T know how to swim,in fact I’m terrified of the thought of swimming! When I was a little girl I almost drowned and since then I’m terrified of water,even the simple thought of it makes me shiver.

So I don’t know what was I thinking when I agreed with my boyfriend’s horrifying idea of buying a house WITH A POOL on it! And of course that the damn thing not only had to be large but also deep.

So here I am now,sitting on the living room couch,looking out the french doors that lead to the patio watching my boyfriend excitedly fill up the pool and the pool toys so we can “happily” enjoy our newest acquisition.

“Y/N? Babe,can you come out here for a second please?”

I reluctantly got up from the couch and made my way towards him outside.

“Yes,Ro?”

He looked at me with a frown and said “Why aren’t you changed into your bikini yet?”

I gulped before I respond “I don’t have any”

“You mean,you didn’t brought any?We can take the car and get a pair at our old house”he said with a smile

“No babe, I mean like, I don’t own a pair”

“That’s not a problem either,we can go to Target so you can buy one” he responded still smiling

“What I’m trying to say is that I don’t wanna buy one...” I said with a low voice

“Oh..so you wanna go skinny dipping huh?” He deviously smirks at me and started to take his shirt off “Ugh,I love the way you think baby girl” with that he closed the distance between us and captured my lips in the most sensual kiss.

“Hmmm...Roman..wait.”

He reached to the hem of my tank top

“Ro, I gotta tell you something..”

“Later,baby..” He hummed while he pulled my tank top over my head and I took advantage of the break to say

“Ro,baby, I don’t know how to swim and also I may or may not be terrified of water since I almost drowned when I was a kid” I said as fast as I could

“What?Wait...Y/N why you never told me this before,my angel?”

“Because the subject never came up..” I embarrassedly said

“Babe,how the subject never came up when I suggested that we should by a house WITH a pool on it so WE could enjoy it?Didn’t the subject came up then?” He asked slightly angry

“It did” My voice was barely a whisper

“So,why didn’t you said ‘Roman, I don’t wanna buy a house with a pool on it,because I don’t know how to swim and I’m terrified of water?’ You should’ve told me beforehand!”

Oh boy,now he was really angry! I’ve officially woken the beast

“I’m sorry... I didn’t say anything because,I saw your excitement when you saw the pool,and I know how much you like to swim,so I just wanted you to be happy with our new house.” I finished my sentence right before the tears start to roll down my cheek.

“Baby girl,come here” He pulled me towards his chest and buried his face on the crook of my neck “I didn’t mean to make you cry baby,I’m so sorry.” He kissed my neck and holded my face between his hands,looked me in the eyes and said “Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive Ro,it’s fine..”

“No it isn’t! I shouldn’t have talked to you like that, I was an asshole for no reason” he wiped my eyes off “I love you,so much..Just please promise me you will tell me beforehand if you don’t want something,this is OUR house! I want you to be as happy with it as I am.”

“I love you too big guy,and I promise,no more surprise announcements” I pout my lips so he could peck it,which he happily did

“So now that we have the pool...let’s help you out with your water fear,shall we?”

“Oh no no n-“

“Shhh yes yes yes! Take you close off baby” he smirked

“But Roman I don’t have a bikini or swimsuit”

“Oh baby girl,since when that’s gonna stop us?”

“Are you implying that I should overcome my water fear by getting in the water naked?With you?”

“C’mon babe,don’t get all shy on me now..we both know that you’ve got nothing that I haven’t seen before or haven’t enjoyed to it’s fullest” he looked me up and down with hungry eyes “Besides” he stepped closer and whispered above my ear “We both also know that,you ain’t got one single bone of shyness on ya” He slowly stepped back to his original place with that delicious look on his face and I couldn’t help but finish stripping my clothes off.

Once I was fully naked,he eagerly removed his own clothes,entered the pool and reached his arms towards me,making a ‘come hear’ motion with his hands. And as much as I wanted to go I just froze in place.

I started to sweat profusely,my heart was beating so fast I swear it was going to explode,my breath became shallow,I felt nauseous,my mouth was drier than the desert, I felt dizzy, I thought I was gonna faint...Until I felt a pair of wet strong arms surround my waist pulling me back from my near mental breakdown. *When did he came out of the pool?* I thought

“Y/N look at me” His voice was soft and sweet like melted chocolate,and I looked up slowly to meet that beautiful pair of warm brown eyes.

“It’s okay baby,you’re safe. I’m not gonna let anything bad happen to you, I’m not gonna push you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,we gonna take baby steps ok?” When I nodded,he continued “Good,now we’re gonna enter through the shallow side of the pool together and we’re gonna keep going until the water hits our waist,I’m not gonna let you go ok?” I just nodded again.

We entered the pool and as soon as I felt the water hit my calves I panicked.

“I can’t do this,I can’t do this..” I whispered

“Baby girl,look at me” he said with a soothing voice,when I met his gaze he continued “You’re doing great baby!You’re so strong and so beautiful,it’s just the two of us here,focus on me baby...” I started to relax so he pulled us further in,the water hit my hips and I started slightly panicking again.When he realized he rapidly said

“Hey Y/N,can you give me a hug baby?”

“What?”

“I said,if you could give me a hug?”

“Ummmm Sure?Why not” I said confused

He pulled me into his arms tightly and started babbling random things like: the details about our first date,our first road trip together,our terrible first year anniversary,the time that Jimmy bought lasagna from that very doubtful place near our old house and spent the whole night proclaiming his porcelain throne.

“Do you remember his face?” Roman asked between laughs

“Yes I do! You even took his picture while he was on the toilet with the Polaroid,wrote ‘Porcelain God’ on the photo and hanged up in the locker room so everybody could see” I was laughing so hard that tears started to roll down my cheeks.Roman couldn’t control himself either,so he let out a breathless “Man,he got so fucking mad about it”.

Once we were able to control our laughs,we enjoyed the few minutes of comfortable silence until I moved a little bit,felt the water around my waist and just like that,all the effort my lovely boyfriend did to distract me from my dying fear went down the drain.

“Oh my God,I’m gonna drown,Roman help me please...I’m gon-“ My words were cut off by his lips on mine.He was kissing me like a horny teenage boy,he turned us over,so my back could rest on the pool wall,he made sure that my arms and legs were securely locked around his neck and waist before he could start to roam his hands on my breasts,pinching my nipples.

“Hmmmm” I moaned

Once he was happy with how hard my nipples were,he roamed his hands further down,until he found what he was looking for.

“Oh my sweet baby girl” He circled my clit with his middle and ring finger

“Ah Roman” I whined

“Always so responsive baby” He applied more pressure making me moan his name deeper “I love when you moan baby..” He increased his fingers speed “It’s always so fucking hot!No woman can moan like you can,you’re the only one who can make my dick rock hard just by moaning my name..Fuck,here baby,take a look for yourself” He grabbed one of my hands and lowered down to his cock,making me grip it.

When I lightly squeezed,he growled.

“See what you do to me? Do you see the power you hold against me? I’m powerless around you baby, whenever you’re around me I’m helpless! Everything you do turns me on,your body,your voice,your smile,the way you look at me,the way you care about me...the slightest move you make has my cock wide awake to serve you as you please,my queen.”

Roman always had a way with his words,that’s how he convinced everyone to do everything he wanted,me included! And he was just succeeding,because right now the last thing I remembered was that I was inside of that damn pool!

“Ro,please..”

“What is it? Do you want me to fuck you baby? Is that it?” His voice getting deeper and deeper

“Mhmmm” Was the only thing I could say.

Then suddenly I felt a tug on my arms, the cold wind against my wet naked (now out of the pool) body,Roman’s lips on mine before he quickly say

“Now we don’t you to get drowned,do we?!” And smirked while he picked me up from the floor,leading us towards our bedroom.

Maybe this whole pool thing wasn’t a bad idea afterall.

[deepseavibez]

okAYY DEEEE

These last few updates have got me

As far as the mastermind goes, I know I’ve said Huru and I know several other readers have said Huru, has anyone considered a previous (and almost central) protagonist who is skilled in the suppposed mechanisms of idol law&order, *clears throat obnoxiously and whispers* jong-woo? (Apologies if I misspelled his name but does even deserve that decency after the nonsense he pulled?)

I’m so sure it could be Huru but that seems almost too…….

predictable

I also just realized I never sent to this to you, my bad bb 😚

Smooch smooch 🐝

*rubs hands together dramatically and cackles like a villain*

Ah, no but seriously, this is me as I read this ask,

So we have Helen, Neenah, Huru, Maiya and yes, how can we forget the slime that is Jong-Woo, 🤔

Gotta break this down cleanly, Helen by all means, hates yn with a passion and we all know why, Neenah is Maiya's lawyer somehow a present yet nonexistent person in this au, Maiya has been a thorn in Y/n's side since the beginning, likes Namjoon but is now a pawn? Huru likes y/n and can't stand Namjoon and cares little for the band, and Jong-Woo originally liked y/n, but would now have a personal vendetta against the band and namjoon,

so in conclusion, Namjoon and Yn always gonna have target on their backs...

Hmm it's so great that there's only a few more parts till the end where the villain is revealed right, 🤔

Also hi emmy how are you 🥺🥺💜

[etherealcheol-mp3]

Gotcha || knj

pairing: kim namjoon x reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, coffee shop/ bakery!au, e2l, neighbors!au, non-idol!au

warnings: none really, slow burn, enemies to lovers, mentions of death/ fire, mentions of panic attacks, hints towards sexual themes, pranks played against one another constantly, b a n t e r

words: 20.3K (it’s a monster, i’m so sorry)

summary: rival shops aren’t the worst things in life, but maybe their owners are. after a less than ideal first meeting, y/n swears kim namjoon off as their mortal enemy. this is tolerable, bearable even. nobody said they had to step foot in each other's shops, but what happens when the vacant apartment in their building gets filled with a noisy neighbor with constant….guests. and what happens when said neighbor is revealed to be none other than kim namjoon? prank wars and lots of meddling from best friends.

A/N: this story was originally posted on my instagram @/constellationkookie and my wattpad @/hoodftarreaga. this was also originally written for Calum Hood but I’m bts trash now and have no regrets:) -toro

 I’ve never had a constant variable in my life. Moving around as a kid and changing schools happens to have that effect on a person. You learn not to expect too much from a friendship that you try to make work over texts and slowly dwindling phone calls and you begin to search for things in life that can become constants in some way or another. My form of constant was as simple as flour, sugar, eggs, and butter. The basic, core ingredients to any baked good. No matter where I moved or who I did or didn’t talk to, I had baking. All I needed was flour, sugar, eggs, and butter and I was whisked away to the safety of my kitchen where I didn’t have to deal with the chaos surrounding me in the outside world.

I didn’t need a boyfriend, best friend, or school club like everyone else. I didn’t need anything that would ground me into my surroundings since it would only make leaving that much harder. However, sometimes certain people try their hardest to latch onto you and gain your trust. They make you feel comfortable and allow you to open up and be vulnerable around them. I was twenty years old and living in Seoul with this certain person who just so happened to be my first and only best friend, Mal. She stood by my side through thick and thin and supported me to follow my dreams and do what I never thought was possible: open up my own bakery. It was hard at first and very stressful, but the end result was well worth the sleepless nights and crying fits.

Sunrise Bakery was my pride and joy and very successful. The name was Mal’s idea as she saw ‘the sun was rising on the start of my new life’. Seven months in, everything was going great, but then slowly my regulars began to not be so regular. ‘Friends’ turned into strangers and it seemed like everyone in the city forgot. I tried just about everything in the books from sales to new recipes but nothing kept them back for long. It wasn’t until I heard about a new coffee shop in town that I started to get worried. The Hideout Cafe was new in town and conveniently just down the street from my bakery. 

“Are you still plotting,'' Mal called from behind me. I turned my attention to her and furrowed my brow. “I’m not plotting anything,” I stated defensively and started rolling out the previously abandoned dough on the counter.

Mal snorts and rolls her eyes playfully before taking a sip out of her coffee cup, I hadn’t noticed it before. “Sure because staring out your window to try and see what's going on in there isn’t creepy at all.” I ignore her comment and look at the sleeve on her coffee cup before realizing which logo was on it.

“You went there? And actually ordered something?” I say incredulously. Her eyes widen slightly before sighing and slumping her shoulders. 

“I’m sorry but their latte is amazing! I seriously don’t know how they do it like it’s insane. I know you have some personal vendetta against them but just check it out one time and you’ll see how stupid it is. Customers aren’t going to stop coming permanently to a bakery because of a coffee shop.” I tried to ignore her and go to the back of the shop but she gently grabbed my wrist and stopped me in my tracks. 

“Come on, Y/N, you’ve been working since you opened and it’s time for a break. Please? For me?” I huffed before finally looking over at her and giving in. She silently cheered as I untied my apron and turned the open sign before locking up. We headed down the street and stopped in front of the shiny, new Hideout Cafe. Walking inside felt wrong but also relieving as the shop took over my senses. The warm air inside tickled my face, cold from the winter breeze outside. The clatter of cutlery accompanying the scent of coffee beans and light chatter of patrons soothed my senses in an instant. 

I followed Mal to the register and looked up at the seemingly endless menu posted on the wall. It was written in varying colors of chalk along with the seamless flow of script font that spelled out “Today’s Specials”. Mal pushed me forward and my eyes met the face of a boy around my age. He looked slightly amused and had a brow ever so lightly quirked up as he looked at my most likely flustered state. I opened my mouth but no sounds came out.

“First time?” The barista let out in his low voice. I shakily nodded my head before averting my gaze elsewhere. “Can I have a name for the order?” The barista started tapping on the screen in front of him. “Uh, Y/N. Just checking out the competition” I suddenly spoke, effectively shocking myself and him. He furrowed his brow before smiling almost smugly. I thought I saw a hint of a dimple but my attention was drawn elsewhere as he spoke again. 

“Oh, you must work at that dumb little bakery down the road. What is it? Moonlight or something?” I scoffed at his words and felt anger rush through my veins. “I happen to own that very successful bakery. And it’s Sunrise.” I spoke confidently.

“It’s irrelevant. It’ll probably be shut down in three months max at the rate of our shop. But hey it’s nice of you to add to the steady demise of your own bakery by buying something from us. What would you like? Pumpkin spice latte?” He spoke with such ease it infuriated me to no end. 

I turned away from the register to find Mal and leave as soon as possible. I knew coming here was a horrible idea and the sooner I left the better. I found Mal standing by the area to pick up drinks ‘talking’ to another male barista. I walked up next to her and waited for her to look at me but it seemed the only things on her mind were the warm eyes and cocky smirk adorned by plush lips on the other side of the counter. I cleared my throat and stepped closer to her and gained her attention only to lose it two seconds later as she turned back to the boy and introduced me to him.

“This is Y/N, it’s her first time here.” She spoke sweetly and I tried not to gag but the instinct was harder to resist as the barista from before walked up with a drink in hand with a smirk on his face. “Pumpkin spice latte for Y/N. Don’t worry, it’s on the house.” He winked at me before walking away and I scowled at his retreating figure. The barista with warm eyes laughed lightly before speaking, “Well it seems you made friends with our owner, Namjoon.”

Namjoon. Namjoon...blank. I don’t know much about him but I know the important things. He’s the owner of the Hideout Cafe. The self-righteous asshole who took it upon himself to spite me by not only making a basic drink that I will never admit to drinking half of, but also by misspelling my name. As soon as I noticed the lazy scrawl on the side of the cup with a lopsided smiley face next to it, I texted the photographic evidence to Mal and promptly trashed the drink.

I felt a heavy weight on my chest for the rest of the day and couldn’t seem to keep the scowl off my face as I suspiciously looked down the street. I tried to ignore the cocky smirk and the harsh words from earlier by rolling out dough and frosting cupcakes but something about the situation just didn’t sit right with me. Before I could overanalyze or create more conspiracy theories to add to my growing list (42 currently reside on this list and they all seem somewhat plausible) closing time for the bakery came and I started to clean up before walking home. 

My eyes felt droopy as I leaned against the elevator wall. The steady motion was quickly luring me to sleep but I forced my head to face forward as the doors opened and my bed became that much closer. I fumbled with my keys a bit before dropping them on the floor in front of my apartment. I grumbled out a curse before successfully entering and falling into bed after changing my flour ridden clothes. I fell asleep almost instantly and waited to be awoken by the sun through my blinds.

Except that’s not what happened. I awoke at 3:04 am to a loud blaring and lights flashing in my room. I groggily sat up before realizing what was happening. The fire alarm. My eyes widened and I jumped from my bed, grabbing my phone and the first pair of shoes I saw before bolting to my front door. I turned to my left to run to the stairway when I collided with a firm blur and stumbled backward. My vision was still slightly spinning before I heard the voice start to apologize. 

“Ah, shit. Sorry I didn’t see where I was going. I just moved in here and don’t know where to go.” That voice. The voice I had on repeat all afternoon after I left his shop. The voice of Namjoon. Namjoon Last-name.

I opened my eyes and saw him sleepily staring back at me before his ever-present smirk took over his face again. I groaned and threw my head back, begging the universe to tell me this was a joke but the semi hoarse laughter in front of me proved otherwise. 

“Nice slippers, Moonlight” I looked down and saw my fuzzy mermaid slippers on my feet. I let out a huff as I looked at him again before seeing it. His body was completely bare except for the black boxers and single sock on his right foot. My throat dried up and my eyes widened at the sight. I shook my head as the current situation sunk back in. Fire alarm, fire, danger, get to the stairs, get to safety. I ran past him to the stairway and didn’t look back. I couldn’t get stuck up there, I can’t. Visions of thick, black smoke and watery eyes flashed in my mind and my breathing picked up speed. Don’t think, just run.

I found my way to the ground floor and was greeted by a hoard of grumpy, tired people in pajamas crowding the entrance. I tried to squeeze my way through to the exit but as soon as I reached it a hand grabbed my wrist and I yelped before trying to pull my hand free. The hand let go almost instantly and I fearfully looked up only to see Namjoon again looking at me confused. I turned my head away from him and held my wrist close to my chest. 

“Woah, no need to freak out. It was a false alarm but I saw you running for the exit and wanted to stop you.” I dropped my arms and looked at him before seeing the hint of concern lacing his features. I chose to ignore it and said what I had first thought when I saw him in my hallway. 

“Why are you here and why are you naked?” The monotone delivery caught him off guard as his eyebrows raised and he chuckled at me. Those damn dimples proudly being displayed. “You must not have heard me earlier. I just moved in and it’s three in the morning so I was sleeping. This is how I sleep, well except for the boxers anyways.” He smirked again and I tried my hardest to not slap it off his face. I chose to roll my eyes instead and questioned him further.

“What apartment are you?” He had a devious glint in his eyes and I knew what he was thinking. “I’m not asking for that. You were in my hall so I want to know which door to avoid.” He squinted his eyes at me but the boyish grin on his face stayed. He looked me up and down and I crossed my arms over my chest, blushing at the intensity of his gaze. “5B.” He finally stated and I groaned in defeat at his answer. Of course, he lived there. 5B had been vacant for as long as I had lived in this building and I always hoped it would stay that way. “Well what about you,” he started,”which apartment is yours?” I brushed past him and walked to the elevator. The lobby had significantly cleared out since I got there and I decided I would rather sleep than talk to Namjoon Insert-Name-Here. 

The doors opened and I pressed the button for the fifth floor as Namjoon walked on and stared at me. I ignored him and his piercing gaze the entire ride up but he seemed to think this through as he motioned for me to exit first when we reached our floor. “Ladies first,” he said smugly and I grumbled to myself as I walked to my apartment. The number and letter on my door seemed to be mocking me as I stopped in front of them. I heard Namjoon trying to hold back his laughter to my right as he spoke. “Oh, Moonlight, this is gonna be fun.” He opened his door and walked in, leaving me to sulk in the hallway by myself. I banged my head against the door of 5C and felt the urge to scream. Namjoon...whatever his last name was, is going to be the death of me.

I didn’t sleep much after the fire alarms blaring that night. My thoughts were racing much too fast to grant me any type of peace. In fact, I hardly slept at all the few days after that night due to Namjoon constantly having friends over and yelling or blaring music at alarming volumes all night long. I walked groggily down the street to my bakery and fumbled for the keys in my bag. I let out a stream of curses under my breath as they fell to the ground, a seemingly new trait I had developed due to no sleep, and sighed as I leaned to pick them up. I could already tell this day would not be fun.

Customers filed through the shop door and the smell of sugar filled my senses until Mal walked in for her shift clutching two coffee cups. I narrowed my eyes at her cheery smile and the two cups in her hands. “You seriously stopped by that shop again? And you bought me a drink?” I questioned incredulously. Mal playfully rolled her eyes as she walked behind the counter without a care in the world.

“I just so happened to walk in to talk to Jimin and get my regular when a certain someone handed me another on the house.” Mal wiggled her eyebrows as she slid one of the cups towards me. I furrowed my brow, “Jimin? I’ve never heard you talk about them before. And if you’re trying to be subtle and make me guess how you managed to flirt with one guy while charming another so much that he bought you a free drink, it’s not working.” Mal chuckled lightly before shaking her head and explaining.

“You do know Jimin, you two met that day we went to check out the Hideout. He asked me out when I stopped by today and after I agreed your neighbor stopped by to ask me to give you this. Have anything to share, Y/N?” She tapped the lid of the cup and based on the tone she used and the faux innocence in her wide eyes, I knew she was trying to not scream at me for not instantly telling her Namjoon was my neighbor. Or she was trying not to laugh. Laughing seemed to be all the universe was doing to me recently.

I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply “Unfortunately yes. I found out last week that we live next door to each other.” I could only grumble the words that left a bitter taste in my mouth. Namjoon always seemed to have that effect on me. The fact that he even had an effect on me made it worse. I opened my eyes to see Mal smirking at me while she continuously shifted her gaze to the cup that seemingly shifted closer to my hand resting on the counter.

I picked up the cup slowly, scared it would explode or an animal would come out and attack me at any sudden movement. I saw the messy handwriting on the side that was slowly becoming familiar and felt my blood boil at what it read. My name wasn’t too complicated but once again he had seemed to misspell it so bad that it almost had to be done on purpose. Mal was struggling to hold back her giggles and I glared at her. “You can’t seriously be that mad at him, it’s funny!” She spoke defensively. I threw my head back in defeat and groaned before starting to walk towards the kitchen. 

“But I can be because he’s a self righteous jerk who only cares about himself and doesn’t even try to be a decent human being and spell a name right. I swear, every single thing he does makes me want to scream.” I finally vented as Mal followed me. “I bet he wants to make you scream,” Mal states smugly, making me glare at her over my shoulder before she changed the subject, “So what are you gonna do about it?” She questioned me and I turned to face her with confusion etched across my face. “You keep complaining about the guy and you just let him keep getting to you. You need to annoy him back or at least let him know you’re not going down without a fight. And I’m only saying this since apparently hate sex is off the table.”

I thought for a minute and it didn’t seem like a bad idea. Better than the latter one at least. “I don’t even know what I would do. I can hardly face him without wanting to run away and yell into my pillow.” I was whining and I knew it but in my defense it was true. If I had to look at Namjoon whatever his last name was smirking at me with those dimples one more time I was going to lose it. Mal’s eyes slightly widened and her grin started to grow as I felt fear rise in me. She had an idea and it would most likely end up with injury or prison.

“You live next door to the guy. And his shop is down the road. There’s nothing wrong with a little prank to tell him to back off.” I crossed my arms and opened my mouth to protest only to close it as her words really hit me. It really wasn’t the worst idea ever. I would have to think everything through and leave no room for mistake but he had to know it was me. I had to give him the sign to back off but I couldn’t anger him too much. Luckily though Mal was already listing ideas before I could think of any on my own.

I cut her off after hearing the words ‘peanut butter’, ‘toilet paper’ and ‘hedge clipper’ by putting my hand out and laughing. “Let’s start off tame first. I can barely think straight after getting no slee-'' I suddenly stopped speaking and smiled largely. I knew what I wanted to do but I had to make sure it was perfect. 

I checked the clock on the microwave one more time as I started to get nervous. It was 4:03AM and Namjoon’s front door had closed roughly thirty minutes ago. I hadn’t heard any noise from his apartment aside from the shower and shuffling around. Suddenly I had found benefits to paper thin walls. Everything was perfect and now it was time to set my plan into motion. I loudly swung open my cabinets and turned on my bluetooth speaker as music started to fill the spaces around me. I dropped some metal pans on the floor and slammed a cookie sheet onto my counter for good measure before grabbing my ingredients. I would’ve worried about other neighbors complaining but I thankfully had an apartment on the corner of the hall. Only Namjoon would be able to hear the noise I made.

 I worked loudly and sang along to the music coming from my speakers. Soon enough the electric mixer was loudly whirring and the oven was beeping to alert me of the temperature being reached. I had just aggressively closed the oven door when I heard a harsh banging at my door. I smiled and ignored it. I had riskily left the front door unlocked and just as I had assumed, Namjoon Last Name raced into my apartment after knocking and being ignored once again. 

He walked to my kitchen and found my speaker, quickly turning it off. I didn’t even glance up at him once as he breathed heavily through his nose and stared at me. “Do you have any idea what fucking time it is?” He spoke angrily and I tried not to laugh. “Yep” I replied coolly. “What are you do- are you baking a cake? It’s 4am. Why are you baking a cake? And what’s with the party decorations?” He spoke confusedly as he looked around at the streamers and balloons decorating my apartment. “I’m celebrating the death of my sleep schedule and sanity. Want a cookie?” 

I finally looked at him and kept a straight face as his jaw hung open and his eyes narrowed. “A cookie? No I don’t want a fucking cookie. What the fuck is wrong with you?” He threw his hands up and looked at me like I was crazy. I think I probably was after almost a week of no sleep, but I kept up the act. “You sound tense. The cupcakes should be done soon, maybe they’ll help you loosen up.” Namjoon huffed and talked to me like I was a child. “I’m pissed. You can’t just fucking make all the noise in the world at 4AM and expect everyone to sleep through it and be okay with it-”

I pointed my rubber spatula at him and glared, effectively cutting him off. “Why not? It’s all you seem to do every night when you have friends over and scream at a television for four hours straight.” I stuck a finger into the frosting I was in the process of creating and put it in my mouth to suck the frosting off. “Needs more vanilla” I mumbled to myself. I still had some left on my finger and stuck out my tongue to effectively lick the rest of it off and went back to mixing. Namjoon was silent. After a minute of ignoring him I looked up, almost expecting him to be gone but there he was. His jaw was tense and his eyes slightly wide while his eyebrows almost raised to the top of his head. 

He looked away as I met his eye and grunted out a “Just keep it down okay?” Before bolting out the door and leaving me confused in my kitchen. I put some plastic wrap over my frosting and put the cupcakes onto a cooling rack before retiring to my bed for a few hours of sleep. Namjoon was on my mind though. He seemed to leave pretty quickly and I wondered if I had gone too far. Did I get him too angry? Did I cross a line with what I said? I pushed away those thoughts since I was only doing and saying what he had to me. It couldn’t be that bad. 

Could it?

I slept surprisingly well after Namjoon left. My alarm greeted me only a few, short hours later, however, I felt like I had slept for years. I took a quick shower and started to get ready for the day when I heard movement through the thin walls of my bedroom. Namjoon was awake. Namjoon. My eyes widened at the thought of him and his probable reaction to my little prank last night. My heart beat started to accelerate ever so slightly as I hurriedly finished getting ready.

I slowly opened my bedroom door and peeked my head out slowly. I turned to thoroughly inspect every hidden corner for anything Namjoon could have planted while I was sleeping but found nothing. Nevertheless I was still paranoid. I walked to my kitchen quickly and grabbed a granola bar before slipping on my shoes and heading to the door. I was ready to get to my shop and away from the close proximity of him.

I felt my phone vibrate rapidly in my pocket and groaned as I barely had enough energy and concentration to focus on getting my shoes on the right feet. I saw Mal’s name on the screen and answered quickly. I couldn’t even get a word in as she instantly greeted me with a warm “Where the hell are you?!” and I winced as I pulled the phone away from my poor ear.

“I’m leaving the apartment? Same time as usual.” I stated tiredly. Mal wasted no time as she once again responded too loudly for this hour. “You forgot what day it is, didn’t you?” I froze at her words and pulled my phone away to see the date on the screen. A bold ‘February 4th’ stared back at me and my eyes widened once again that morning. Shit.

Ever since we became friends, Mal and I had created a tradition. On the same day every year we would meet up and spend the day together doing whatever we needed at the time. Some years we went shopping for dates we had or prom dresses, others we stayed at home doing face masks and watching Queer Eye and some harder years we ate ice cream and vented about how much life sucked and how glad we were to have each other. The most important year though was when we moved out to Seoul together after graduating college and saving up money for plane tickets and moving expenses. This day was our day and it always had been, it was more important than some official holidays to us and it was today. February 4th. 

“I love you?” I tried pathetically and Mal laughed at my response, already knowing I had forgotten. Thankfully she wasn’t angry with me as she playfully replied, “You move out of our place for three months and suddenly you forget the most important day of the year.” I laughed but couldn’t help the guilt I felt weighing me down. Mal was my best friend, my rock and I wouldn’t be doing half of the things I had accomplished without her by my side. 

Seemingly reading my mind Mal spoke softly, “Don’t feel bad Y/N/N, I’ve easily forgotten at least four times in the past. I’m coming by yours in a bit and we can decide what the plan is from there.” I smiled even though she couldn’t see it and we said our goodbyes before hanging up. I walked to the front door to be ready to meet her in the lobby as she wasn’t too far from me. I went to lock my door but decided against it as we probably would just end up there for the day and walked to the elevator. 

“Junk food and netflix?” Mal spoke as I opened her car door and got in. I eagerly agreed and we headed to our first stop: the closest convenience store. It easily was the most cost effective option and yet another monument of our friendship. Whenever we were bored or wanted to hang out we always ended up at the closest convenience store and always bought too many things (mainly snacks) we didn’t need. It was always worth it.

After spending too much time and money we headed back to Mal’s apartment and got ready to spend the day together. We pulled up ‘After’ on Netflix because we knew how bad it would be and wanted to laugh at ourselves and each other for reading the original Harry Styles fanfic the movie was based on. After pausing the movie a million times to laugh and talk about what chapter this would be, Mal turned to me and spoke genuinely, “How are you today?” I sighed and looked her in the eye. I smiled as big as I could and told her the truth. “Could be better. It’s always going to be hard though and my neighbor really isn’t helping things.” 

February 4th wasn’t a randomly chosen date. It was a date chosen to help me be prepared for another significant date just around the corner. Mal smiled and nodded in understanding before speaking again, “What would be best for us to do the rest of today?” This is why I loved Mal. She knew the real reason why this day was created and she still never tried to do what she thought I needed to have fun or be okay with it or even ignore it. She always wanted to make sure I was doing what I needed for myself.

I smiled again, larger this time and told her gratefully, “Honestly watching ‘This Is Us’ and crying over One Direction sounds great right now.” We laughed before we pulled the movie and cuddled up together under the blankets. I was so lucky.

I got back to my apartment around 9pm that night with a smile on my face. Today was great and I knew it would help me be prepared for the next important day. I went to unlock my door but it was already unlocked. I froze as I remembered not locking it this morning in case we ended up here and felt my heart drop as I heard the TV on inside. I knew I didn’t leave it on this morning as I hardly used it in general and I braced myself as I slowly opened the door, ready to face whatever burglar or serial killer was inside. Only it was worse.

Namjoon was relaxed and sprawled out on my couch with his feet on the coffee table in front of him. He had a mug with tea in it next to his feet and I gaped at him. He turned to me as he heard the door open and smiled smugly at my expression. “Oh, hey you’re back.” He turned back to the TV and I was too shocked to move from my place in the doorway. He spoke casually like he had every right to be in there. “You know, you should probably stop leaving your door unlocked. You never know what creep or weirdo could walk in.” He took a sip of his tea and raised his brows at me. 

I started to mutter out a response but he stood from the couch and cut me off from my stuttering. “I just want to apologize for keeping you up last week. It’s not cool and I learned my lesson completely. It won’t happen again.” He spoke sincerely and it was honestly scary to hear him talk without sounding sarcastic or cruel. I narrowed my eyes at him and spoke in disbelief, “Really? So...we’re cool?” Namjoon laughed genuinely with his award winning dimples in view as I arched my brow in confusion. He patted my shoulder as he replied. “Yeah, we’re cool.”

With that he walked past me and out the door, closing it behind him and calling for me to “Make sure you lock it”. I looked around my apartment for anything that seemed broken or tampered with to ignore the pounding of my heart and the heat that lingered where his hand was. After coming up empty handed I was confused. Surely he would’ve tried to get me back. Maybe I was wrong about him. Maybe I shouldn’t have gone so far like I did and just talked to him. I sighed and groaned as I felt guilt start to swallow me up again that day. 

It wasn’t until I moved to get ready for bed that I saw I had no need to feel guilty at all. I was right about him. I should’ve gone further than what I did because he did get me back. He had replaced something of mine I hadn’t thought of before and it was way worse than I could’ve imagined. Sitting innocently on top of my dresser was a little note with his messy scrawl reading ‘Gotcha ;)’ and I panicked. I looked through all my shirts, pants, socks but found nothing until I looked in the last drawer. I gasped as I saw his handiwork and couldn’t believe it. He had replaced my entire underwear collection with brand new, lacy thongs.

To say I was fuming would be an understatement. Not only had he completely invaded my privacy but he had touched and stolen things that were for my eyes only. I had to use every ounce of strength in my body to not feel embarrassed that he had seen my lackluster collection since that was not the issue here. I couldn’t just ask him to give them back and at the moment putting on my dirty pair I discarded after the quick shower I had taken was also not an option. I swallowed my pride and slipped a lacy red thong with floral details up my legs and dove into bed hoping to forget my day and have sleep take over me.

Shockingly, I seemed to once again be the only one who found my situation infuriating. Mal was practically suffering the next morning as she tried to hold in her laughter at my explanation of the night before. My glare did nothing to ease her laughter that had finally bubbled out of her loudly and I brushed past her into the kitchen in my shop. I ignored her wheezing as I pulled out the bowls and ingredients for the day. Today called for a new creation and ultimate focus since all I could think of was the fact that I could feel the soft material of my sundress against just about every part of me.

Tying my apron around my waist, I got to work. I started with cupcakes as I was constantly out of stock of my new flavor “Maliblue”. It was a spring themed cupcake with lemon flavored cake and a blueberry frosting. The hoards of college students on spring break back at home posting pictures at beaches inspired the name and surprisingly it sold well for a small bakery in Korea. As I placed my first batch in the oven I got to thinking on what to do next. I wanted something new and good. 

Before I could clearly think out any ideas I started grabbing ingredients and let my body work for me. Mal walked back, seemingly calmed down and ready to let me vent. “Alright I’m sorry but you can not tell me you don't see any humor in this!” 

I rolled my eyes and pushed a stubborn strand of hair back behind my ear as I worked on the mystery item in front of me. “Honestly I don’t see any humor in him discovering my granny panty collection.” I murmured under my breath. My eyes widened as I spoke and I hoped she hadn’t heard me, but as her smile widened and she crossed her arms over her chest smugly I knew the damage was done. “So that’s why you’re upset. You’re embarrassed cause the guy you like saw your underwear and now he probably doesn't think you’re sexy. I mean it’s understandable.” 

I fought the urge to wipe her smug grin off her face and instead spoke in a tone way too defensive “I do not like him and couldn’t give two shits if he thought I was sexy.” This only made her grin widen even further and my growing blush worsen. I groaned at the sight and went back to mixing the batter in front of me. I apparently was in a cupcake mood as that’s what I decided to make with it.

“What are you making?” Mal questioned as I moved to grab some cream cheese and raspberries from the fridge and I shrugged in response because I truly didn’t know. I had finished the chocolate cake batter and now started on a filling. I heard Mal’s phone buzz and she grabbed it at lightning speed while smiling at her screen. I raised my eyebrows in reaction to her sudden movement and she gave me an apologetic glance before hurriedly typing out a response. It was now my turn to question her and she seemed to realize this as she innocently looked at me before trying to dip her finger in the chocolate batter.

I swatted her hand away and put my hands on my hips while tilting my head at her accusingly. She sighed and started to blush before I even asked the question she knew was on my mind. “So who is he?” I suddenly spoke and Mal flushed even further before smiling and quietly muttering “Jimin” in response. I kind of expected his name even though I constantly teased her for ‘liking the enemy’. Before I could question her further though, the oven dinged and the front door swung open against the bells above it, signalling a new customer. “Literally saved by the bell.” I spoke as I went to the oven.

She darted to the front of the store leaving me confused as she never was excited to greet customers. I shook it off and pulled the cupcakes from the oven, continuing to mix the filling for my new batch as they cooled. After placing the chocolate batter in a greased tin and placing them in the oven, I walked out of the kitchen, wiping my hands on my apron, and froze. Of course it wasn’t just a customer that had come in. It was Jimin and behind him stood an amused looking Namjoon. I rolled my eyes at the sight and overheard Mal and Jimin talking about their plans for the evening. I smiled slightly hearing them so excited and watching them act like love sick puppies.

“Wow you sure know how to greet your customers huh?” Spoke a familiar voice and my smile vanished. I still hadn’t come up with my plan to get him back and I honestly didn’t have the patience to face him while wearing lace. That he had bought.

“I wouldn’t consider you a customer, more like a nuisance.” I spoke boldly and his signature wicked grin appeared. Before he could speak up again Mal put her hand on my shoulder. “I’ve just had a great idea.” She spoke loudly, gaining everyone's attention. “Oh no.” I mumbled at the glint in her eyes. “Why don’t you and Namjoon join me and Jimin tonight? I’m sure staying here all night can’t possibly be better than mini golf and ice cream.” She spoke sweetly but I knew better. 

Jimin instantly agreed and I saw a similar look of dread on Namjoon’s face as I turned to face him. It quickly vanished though as he replaced it with a cocky smirk and made eye contact with me as she spoke “That is a great idea. It’s a date.” I almost choked on my spit at his words but before I could retort, he glanced at his watch and got Jimin’s attention as they had to head back to their shop. “See you at closing, Moonlight.” He winked after his words and was out the door. I saw Mal turn to me with eyebrows raised and knew she was going to question the nickname but the oven dinged once again and I sheepishly told her, “Saved by the bell?”

I had finished my new cupcakes and placed them out to be sold when shockingly they sold out. I had to remake them twice throughout the day but had yet to come up with a name for them. Before I could though, it was closing time and Jimin and Namjoon had come back to the shop, ready to go mini golfing. I cursed myself for wearing a short sundress and jean jacket as Seoul decided wind was a great idea tonight. I locked the door to the shop and we headed off. Before we got too far, however, Namjoon pulled me back to walk with him and leaned into my ear as he spoke “Hope you’re wearing one of my presents tonight under that dress, Moonlight.” I felt my jaw drop as he let go of my arm and innocently smiled before walking off to join Jimin and Mal.

This was going to be a long night.

Walking to mini golf felt like an eternity with Namjoon standing next to me, towering over my frame, and with Mal and Jimin giggling and holding hands in front of us. I didn’t realize I was staring at them until a chuckle sounded from next to me. “What?” I asked him questioningly. He smiled softly at me and I felt my heart clench at the sight. This was the first time he had looked at me with anything other than cockiness or venom in his eyes. I brushed off the feeling as shock and waited for him to reply. 

“You just had a funny face is all. You looked bored, angry and like you were plotting some evil plan all at once.” He spoke jokingly and I sighed at his answer. “Why does everyone say that?” I groaned and Namjoon looked at me confused but intrigued. I answered the question I knew he was about to ask, “Everyone says I look like I’m plotting something and I never am. I don’t plot anything. Ever.” Namjoon just laughed lightly at that and looked up at the setting sun.

“If it means anything, you look cute when you plot how to escape third-wheeling. You furrow your eyebrows and squint your eyes and get all focused.” He looked sheepish as he finished his statement and scratched at his neck before he shoved his hands in his pockets. I felt heat rise to my cheeks and cleared my throat before retorting. “Don’t think you can just try to smooth talk me and make me forgive you for your little prank last night.” I sounded much more confident than I felt and I praised whatever higher power for giving me that strength.

Namjoon smirked but it wasn’t cocky like it usually was. He hung his head down and shook his head while smiling, dimples proudly on display. We were quiet for a while after that but soon we were at the mini golf place and practically pulled inside by Mal and Jimin. The interior was dark and covered in blacklights and neon paints lit up the otherwise hidden walls and courses. Jimin paid for Mal and I went to grab my wallet when Namjoon stopped me with his question of “What color ball do you want, Moonlight?”. I quirked a brow at him in slight protest before he tilted his head at me in response and sighed out a ‘green’ in indignation.

He grinned in triumph as he received our balls and the score card from the teenage cashier. He tossed me my green ball which I easily caught and rolled my eyes as he led me to the first hole. My worn, white shoes lit up under the lights as well as Namjoon’s shirt under his flannel and warm looking jacket. He boyishly smiled at the sight and his eyes widened as he did so. I couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of him acting like a little kid and he looked like a deer in headlights as he realized he was caught. 

I placed my ball down after Mal hugged a blushing Jimin for getting a hole in one and was ready to give a half assed attempt at hitting the ball before Namjoon asked in shock “What are you doing?” like I was committing a crime. I stood up straight in confusion and lazily gestured to my ball before responding plainly “Playing mini golf. It’s not like I’m trying to win or anything.” I leaned back over before he moved towards me. I stood up again and held out my hand for him to stop before speaking again.

“No. Absolutely not. You’re not about to pull some cheesy rom com bullshit on me where the guy goes behind the girl to ‘help with her technique’. Go stand by that neon pink dick on the wall and look pretty while I take five attempts at getting this ball in the hole.” I pointed my finger at the wall as I spoke and he laughed loudly at my speech before raising his hands in surrender and stepping close to the wall with said spray painted neon pink dick. He crossed his arms and challenged me with his eyes to do as I said I would.

“Thank you.” I curtsied in my sundress and he laughed in response. It took me four tries before I finished while Namjoon got it in two and we walked to the next hole before realizing Mal and Jimin were far ahead of us. I sighed at the sight of the next 17 holes and Namjoon nudged me with his elbow. “You know, the tickets for mini golf also came with unlimited arcade credits.” he pointed his head in the direction of the arcade on the other side of the courses. I smiled and started walking towards the bright lights and sounds of the games being played before speaking over my shoulder “I’ll kick your ass in skeeball.” 

“You’re a cheater.” Namjoon spoke grumpily as I won another game and beat him. We played a few rounds of skeeball then moved on to air hockey where he destroyed me and I sulked until we played mario kart where I came in second to him again. I pouted until he led me to the basketball game where I beat his ass twice. 

I laughed at his words as we walked to the counter for prizes. “I never cheat. You just chose to get your ass handed to you by a girl. It’s okay, Joon. Happens to the best of us.” He stopped moving and smiled and I grabbed his wrist to drag him to the counter before dropping all our tickets onto it. “Stop smiling like a doofus and get me that angry minion.” I put my hands on my hips as I spoke and he looked at the worker before saying “You heard the lady.” and pushing our tickets to them. 

He kept smiling and looking at his shoes as if they were incredibly interesting before I flicked his shoulder and asked him “What are you smiling at?” He shook his head and grabbed the minion from the employee’s hand and mine in his other hand. I blushed lightly at the sudden contact and moved to keep up with him. “You called me Joon. It’s cute. I usually reserve that nickname for family and close friends so the fact I’m not throwing your ass outside and blocking off all contact with you is a shock to us all.”

I laughed at his statement and we soon ran into Mal and Jimin who looked equally smug and love sick as ever. Mal looked down to our still interlocked hands and I quickly withdrew mine from Namjoon’s grasp before speaking. “So. Ice cream anyone?”

The walk to the parlor was quiet and Namjoon looked deep in thought as his hands were shoved in his pockets and his brows were furrowed. The ice cream shop we were going to wasn’t even a real shop as it was a cart with outdoor seating under strung lights and wooden beams. The wind had only gotten worse as the night went on so the cold was brutal against my exposed skin. I pulled my surprisingly thin jean jacket tight around my frame and moved my hands quickly up and down my arms in an attempt to gain some warmth. Suddenly a hand stopped my quick movements and I was pulled into a firm body. I looked up in shock as Namjoon hugged me tightly against him and wrapped his arms around my waist.

I tried to push away from him but he was so warm I was finding it hard to resist. “Stop pushing, Moonlight. Put your arms inside my jacket, it’ll warm you up.” I eyed him suspiciously and he sighed before rolling his eyes and starting to pull away. I practically shouted in protest as I felt the sudden frigid wind hit me again. I hesitantly listened to him and leaned fully against him with my arms inside of his incredibly warm jacket.

“Who’s bullshit idea was it to get ice cream outside.” I grumbled against his chest. I felt the vibrations of him laughing at my words and felt soothed at the sensation. I closed my eyes and released a breath I hadn’t known I was holding in. His arms rubbed up and down my back and I felt tension leave my body as we started to sway side to side. “I’m still pissed at you.” I spoke again and I felt him look down at me. I met his amused eyes and put my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. “Damn, you mean my plan to woo you and make you fall for me so you’ll forget how mad you are hasn’t worked yet?” 

I smiled at him and breathily laughed before speaking with new found confidence. “Barely. It might’ve worked if I wasn’t wearing red lace all day with no one to admire. It’s frustrating really. If only I were wooed.” 

Nobody could have prepared me for the absolute chaos that came from joining Jimin and Mal on their date. It was only the next morning and my phone hadn’t stopped buzzing due to texts and calls from Mal. I only briefly glanced at them before I went to sleep the night before and knew she was begging for “details” of the night she imagined happened. Namjoon had walked me back to our building after we finished up our ice cream. We walked in silence with our hands brushing slightly with every sudden movement. After a few blocks I crossed my arms over my chest, too high off the feeling of his skin against mine, no matter how miniscule and told myself it was due to how cold I was. 

I was utterly dumbfounded. Yes, Namjoon was undeniably attractive and we had gotten along well throughout our night together but he was still Namjoon. The guy stealing my business, my noisy neighbor who replaced all my underwear, the jerk who couldn’t even attempt to spell my name right, Namjoon. He made my blood boil and my heart race but it was beginning to get confusing as I couldn’t distinguish the anger for something else. We parted ways as he stopped in front of his door and I kept walking to mine. I thought he was about to speak but I had already opened my door and rushed in before he could utter a single syllable.

Sleep didn’t come easy, and before I knew it I had tossed and turned until 5am. I sighed and pushed myself up to get ready. I clearly wasn’t going to rest and the only form of relaxation I knew was a few blocks down the road. I shrugged on my clothes after a quick shower and grabbed my keys before heading out. I froze as I heard the door next to mine open as I was locking my own and willed myself to not look at him as I heard the footsteps suddenly stop just like mine had.

I finished locking my door and turned in the direction of the elevator without making any effort to actually walk towards it. Namjoon quickly closed and locked his door and suddenly we were in a silent battle of who would speak first. Shy glances and nervous movements could only do so much and he seemed to grow tired of it as he spoke up first. “Early morning?” He asked as he reached up to scratch at the back of his neck awkwardly. It seemed to be a nervous habit of his but before I could think about what that made me feel I responded. “Couldn’t sleep.” I spoke sheepishly and played with my hands in front of me.

I took in a breath and looked up with a smile as I walked to the elevator behind him. He joined me and soon the doors were closing behind us. “Was I too loud or anything? I was kinda up all night too. Just...thinking.” He grew quiet as he finished and I assured him it had nothing to do with him. At least I think so. We once again started walking down the road to our respective shops by each other's side. Our hands brushed again and I praised the yawn that left my body as it gave me an excuse to move my hand away from his. He looked over at me and once again looked like he wanted to say something. This time, however, I let him say what was on his mind.

“Do you maybe want a coffee? I mean that’s at least why I left my place.” I looked up at him and blinked away the tears that had formed due to my yawning and saw something flash in his eyes and a small smile grow on his face. I was hesitant to spend more time alone with him but before I could deny him another yawn left me and he chuckled. “Come on, Moonlight, I think I know a good place.”

We made our way to the Hideout Cafe and he grabbed the keys from his back pocket before holding the door open for me. I smiled at him in thanks and took in the coffee shop once again. It was different at this time of day. The chairs were stacked up and pushed against the walls along with the wooden tables, the dim lights were calming as the sun had yet to rise and fill up the shop with its bright rays. Namjoon moved easily behind the counter and turned on some machines I didn’t recognize. I stood next to the door taking in all the artwork and posters lining the walls before I noticed a section at the corner of the shop. There was a wooden ledge lining the corner covered in pillows and soft looking blankets. The lights hanging above it made it look inviting and I slowly walked towards the bookcases on the wall next to the makeshift reading nook.

I looked at the familiar and unknown titles until I heard Namjoon call for me. I turned to answer him only to see him walking towards me. “I didn’t see this here the first time I came.” I spoke softly and he smiled at me before pulling a book off the ledge and placing it on the shelf where it belonged. “When I bought this place the corner seat was already here so it just felt right to add everything else.” He shrugged as he spoke but the almost longing look he wore towards the books told me there was something more to his story.

He turned to me again as he spoke “What would you like?” and his right arm stretched out to the chalkboard menu above the counter. I walked with him to stand in front of it to get a better look but couldn’t decide. I bit down on my lip in concentration as I tried to figure out something right to order. I didn’t want to get something embarrassing and ‘basic’ but I wanted something that tasted good. Namjoon stood next to me and looked at the side of my face before I decided to say what I thought was a good answer. “Surprise me.”

And surprise me, he definitely did. I moved to lean against the counter as I watched him work. We talked about random facts and our favorite things and every few minutes I would ask what he was making before he would continue to avoid my question. After a seemingly never ending wait he handed me my to go cup with steam and an addicting aroma wafting up to my nose. He already looked smug before I even took a sip and I knew it was going to be good. I took the lid off to let it cool off and smell it clearly. Fed up with my stalling, Namjoon rolled his eyes and ordered me to drink it. I huffed out a sigh and did as he said. I was right. It was good. Before I could stroke his ego with my full review of the magical drink in my hands I had to open up my own shop.

That didn’t cause the image of him smirking and calling out to me “Bye, Moonlight.” to leave my mind for the rest of the day. If anything it only made me long to see him even sooner. Mal had burst into the shop on schedule and I prepared myself for her interrogation. “Well you two were certainly cozy last night. It’s truly amazing how well you can get along with others when you aren’t trying to rip their head off.” I rolled my eyes before changing the subject. “I was only trying to get close to him and make him think I don’t have my next prank planned and ready to go.” 

Mal laughed at my words before looking me in the eye and speaking confidently, “If you wanted my help coming up with a prank you could’ve just asked instead of lying.” I laughed before looking at her with pleading eyes. “My God you’re hopeless.” She sighed and I silently cheered as I knew she was going to help.

A few google searches, texts to Jimin, and a visit to a public library copy machine later we were ready. It was still only noon and I sent Mal out to put up all the flyers we had made before taking a lunch break together. I was nervous to see how this went. I wouldn’t be around him all day and I was relying on updates from Jimin to see how everything was going. All I could gather from the last text Mal had received and read out to me was that Namjoon was pissed. Mission accomplished. 

Walking to my building on my own felt lonely after having someone with me the night before and this morning. I brushed that thought aside as I knew Namjoon would be home soon as I saw Jimin turning the ‘Open’ sign on the door to the Hideout Cafe to ‘Closed’ before giving me a wink. 

I had made it to the elevator in the lobby before the door to the building opened behind me. I felt a shiver go down my spine in anticipation and excitement. Sure enough a tired and annoyed looking Namjoon stood next to me while glaring down at his phone. I bit back my laugh and pressed the button for our floor in silence. He leaned his head back onto the elevator wall and let out a deep breath. I started to feel guilty but he didn’t know I was to blame for the likely endless calls he had received today so I swallowed my fear and walked to my door as the elevator came to a stop at our floor. 

I was putting my key into the lock when I heard a deep groan and ringtone start to play loudly. I couldn’t help the smile on my face as I heard Namjoon angrily speak into the phone “No this is not the number for Chewbaca roaring contest, please don’t call again.” before hanging up. I laughed before clamping a hand over my mouth quickly, but it was too late. Namjoon looked over at me and realization flashed across his face followed my anger and...hurt? He opened his door before slamming it behind him and I continued to laugh until I made my way inside my own apartment. That’s when the confusion hit. Why did the hurt look on his face make me feel guilty all over again?

I woke up not being able to breathe. My eyes were open wide and I continued to cough and wheeze, trying to desperately fill my burning lungs with the air they craved. I threw my duvet off my body and fell to the floor of my bedroom coughing with tears streaming down my face. 

“Y/N run!” 

No. This isn’t real. It’s all a dream. My head was tormenting me with memories from that night. My chest started to rise and fall frantically due to the lack of oxygen and the flashing images behind my eyelids.

“Help! Please someone help me!” I was running around the hoards of people filling my street and in front of my house. There were red and blue lights flashing and blurring my vision until all I saw was a kaleidoscope of the two colors.

I clamped my hands over my ears and let out a violent sob. I couldn’t see clearly in front of me. There was a thin fog covering the room and burning my eyes.

I fell to my knees and sobbed until I was mobbed by a herd of paramedics and police officers. I was hysterical. “Please, just help me please! They're still inside please, they were on the second floor please!” I pushed away hands full of gauze and bandages, trying to get them to just understand. “My mom and sister are still inside please! Go get them” All of my senses were overpowered by fiery embers and heat, yet I could see more clearly than ever as a firefighter walked quickly to a police officer helping to try and calm me down. I was zeroed in on the interaction and would never forget the feeling of my heart dropping and shattering when they pulled away and looked back on me with that undeniable look of pity on their faces.

I screamed and felt all of the life leave my body as I fell to the asphalt below me. There was silence. I couldn’t hear my screams of agony, feel the hands pulling me up and into an ambulance, taste the smoke that I had been choking on earlier, smell the burnt remnants of my home that had gone up in flames, or see anything aside from the flashing images of my mother and sister in my mind.

I was rocking back and forth, mumbling incoherently, and sobbing as I curled into myself at the foot of my bed. I felt my body being shaken and shot my eyes open to see the concerned face of Mal above me. Her hands were on my shoulders and she was calling out my name. I launched into her arms and continued sobbing into her shoulder. She brushed her hands through my hair and held me until I was only hiccuping every few seconds. 

“I came to check up on you because I know 5 years is a big anniversary. What happened? I could smell that air freshener from the elevator.” She spoke softly as she looked into my eyes with concern. I furrowed my brows in confusion before looking around the room. “What? It’s not the 14th yet, Mal. Right?” She pulled my phone off the nightstand and showed me the screen with the date I’ve despised for the past 5 years on the screen. I felt my heart drop and tears well up all over again. I blinked them back before continuing to answer her second question.

“I don’t know what happened. I woke up and I couldn’t breathe or see clearly. What do you mean you could smell the air freshener? I didn’t spray anything.” As I calmed down more I could smell the overpowering scent of fruit and hibiscus. I scrunched up my face and gagged at the suffocating aromas. Mal furrowed her brows and grabbed an almost empty aerosol can of air freshener from beside her. “I mean I assumed you didn’t do this since I had to cut a zip tie off of it. Babe, I think you were pranked.” It made sense. The surprise and shock of it, the zip tie, all of it. 

I shook my head and moved to stand up. “What are you doing?” Mal questioned. I moved to my closet and grabbed some jeans and an old t-shirt. “Getting ready for work. I was pranked, it’s not the end of the world or a reason for me to stop living life as per usual.” I couldn’t meet her eyes as I spoke. I didn’t want to talk about what had happened. Especially today. Mal sighed before standing as well. “I know it still hurts. Anyone in your place would feel the exact same way. But it’s been 5 years since that fire and I know the anniversaries always hit you harder as the years go by. When you choose to talk to me, I’ll be here.”

I nodded my head as I held onto my clothes for the day. 5 years. 5 years. They died exactly 5 years ago today and I still missed them like it was day one. I let out a sigh before starting to get dressed.

I spent all day in the bakery trying to avoid all my emotions I had kept bottled up. It was getting harder to ignore everything but being in my safe place usually made it bearable. However, today I was confused. Customers kept asking for refunds repeatedly throughout the day and I didn’t understand why. I baked everything fresh this morning, the same as I always have. Even my regulars were complaining and throwing perfectly fine food into the trash. It seemed like the cherry on top of everything that had happened already. Mal and I struggled to find the answer for hours. We retraced and rebaked until our heads were spinning.

I was dealing with a new customer who was demanding a refund when the answer became clear. “It’s just pure salt! Honestly how can you run a bakery and mix up your salt and sugar!” I froze. The customer continued to rant but I felt like I was underwater. I know for a fact I had used the sugar. I hadn’t mixed up like that since I was a child experimenting at home. I quickly apologised and handed the customer their money before rushing back to the kitchen. Mal had watched the encounter and followed quickly behind me. I practically threw the sugar container onto my work table before ripping off the plastic lid. I put my finger inside and tasted the white contents. Salt. I was dumbfounded. How could this have happened.

The bell above the shop sounded and I walked out to greet the customer while trying to hide the confusion on my face. I walked in view of my “customer” and felt like a brick wall had collapsed onto me. I felt the pricking of tears behind my eyes and my mouth grew dry at the sight. Namjoon was standing in front of the register looking smug as ever and I felt utterly stupid. 

“What’s wrong, Moonlight? Shop’s empty, looks like you’ve been having some trouble with customer satisfaction today. Wonder why.” I untied my apron and tossed it off quickly before going to the back to grab my things. Mal looked up at my sudden appearance and I spoke before she could. “You know what, you were right. Today is a big deal. I’m closing up for the rest of the day. It’s too much.” I was trembling as I grabbed my purse and walked out to avoid her concerned gaze. Namjoon was still standing at the register as I walked to the front door. He looked confused and worried but I bit my lip hard to avoid crying in front of him. 

“Hey, what’s wrong. It was just a prank I didn’t think-” I turned around to face him and pointed my finger at him. “You’re a fucking asshole you know? This is my livelihood and my everything. I could’ve maybe handled you fucking with my business any other day of the year but today it’s way too much. Whatever prank war or competition we were doing to spite each other is done. Congrats! You won. Now never touch me or my things or come into my apartment or store ever again.” The tears were freely flowing down my face but I didn’t care. 

“Wait, Moonli-” Namjoon reached out for me but I turned and opened the door before he could finish. “And don’t call me that. You don’t know me. I don’t know you. What’s the point of stupid nicknames for people you don’t really know or want to talk to ever again.” I walked out before he could stop me again, not halting until I was at my apartment. I locked the door behind me and fell onto the couch with sobs and memories of laughter and people I’ll never get back lulling me to sleep.

Coping has always been difficult for me. I never really understood that I could let out my emotions and talk about them with people without being judged or told it’s not important. It only got harder for me when my mom and sister died five years ago. I never talked about it. I avoided the emotions and my guilt and pain from that day for five years and I was only hurting more as a result. I was curled up on my couch under a fuzzy blanket with tears streaming down my face, but I didn’t feel anything besides numbness. I wasn’t struggling to catch my breath or having sobs shake my body, I was numb. I was on my couch for what felt like infinity but realistically was probably a few hours. It was dark outside and no matter how exhausted I was, I knew sleep would never come.

I heard a soft knock at my door and made no move to answer it. My phone was abandoned on the coffee table and hadn’t been touched since I first came home. I knew Mal had been trying to reach me as the vibrations hadn’t stopped all day. The knocking came again, louder this time. I took as deep of a breath that I could manage before moving to sit up. I pulled my blanket tight around my body as I walked to the door. I didn’t check the peep hole because nothing mattered to me anymore. I didn’t care.

I unlocked the door and opened it to see a worried Namjoon….I still didn't know his last name. Further proof of why he shouldn’t be here and why I shouldn’t feel warm inside that he is. He looked up to meet my eyes and his expression fell into a sorrowful one laced with confusion. I turned back around and walked towards my couch, not in the mood for formalities.

“I’m sorry.” He spoke softly yet confident as I sat down. I huffed out a laugh and shook my head. “Why are you here?” I croaked out. He took a step closer and I felt my body tense slightly. He stopped moving before answering, “Why would I be anywhere else? I hurt you and I need you to know it wasn’t my plan for that to happen.” He started to scratch the back of his neck and I sighed.

“It’s not your fault.” My voice was shaky and my eyes filled with tears. I cleared my throat and looked up at him. He looked sad and curious and I knew I couldn’t keep it all in anymore. I scooted over on my couch and motioned my hand for him to join me. He hesitantly obeyed but never took his gaze off of me. “I need to be honest.” I spoke softly. He moved his hand above my shoulder to comfort me, before moving it back to his lap. I took in a breath before speaking about something I thought would be internalized forever.

“Five years ago I lived in a small town in Colorado. I had lived there my whole life and was happy. It was just my mom, sister, and I in a small house with a gorgeous view of the mountains. Mal lived in the neighborhood with us and we’ve basically been joint at the hip since birth.” I stopped as the night came back to me. I closed my eyes tightly and Namjoon turned towards me. I don’t know why, but I reached out and grasped his hand. He squeezed my smaller one tightly before rubbing circles into the back of my palm with his thumb.

“One night, we were having a sleepover. We were 18 but acted like children so we made a blanket fort in the living room. We watched movies all night and eventually we decided to go to my room so we could sleep. We thought we unplugged everything but we were tired and there was a stupid fucking candle. My room was on the first floor but my mom and sister’s were on the second.” I felt Namjoon squeeze my hand tighter and I let out a choked sob. He pulled me into his arms and rocked me slowly.

I cried into his chest as his hands rubbed my back soothingly. After I started to calm down a bit, I pulled back a bit to look at him. “We made it out. The neighbors had already called but there was no way they could’ve made it down the stairs without being trapped by the fire. I did it. I killed them. It’s been five years today and I’ve never talked about it. So it’s not your fault, Joon. It’s all mine because I’m too much of a coward to accept what I did five years ago.”

Namjoon gently placed his hand on my face and turned it to look into his eyes. “It never has been, and never will be your fault. It was an accident. Don’t carry that guilt because it’s not true. Okay?” I felt more tears flow and he wiped them away. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m telling you all this. I shouldn’t have lashed out at you, it’s just that baking is how I try to cope. I mean I still bottled up everything so I guess it didn’t work too well but-” Namjoon cut me off with his next words. I was shocked after he did. He looked into my eyes with nothing but kindness and genuity. 

“Teach me how to bake.” 

“What?” I started to wonder if confiding in him was the right choice since it seemed that he didn’t even know how to listen to me.

“You said it helps you cope, and it clearly makes you happy. I want you to start learning that it's okay to not get over something as big as that in one conversation. And that it’s not your fault. It’ll take time. So we’re going to bake something and talk about whatever you want to until you accept that it’s not your fault. We may bake a lot of things since this is gonna take a while, but I’ll be here until that day comes. I also really want to see you be happy right now. So teach me how to bake and I’ll teach you whatever you want in return.”

I was in awe. I didn’t know why he cared so much but I knew he was right. It was going to take some time and he clearly wanted to start now. I stood up and started walking to my kitchen. He followed behind me and stood awkwardly in the doorway, looking around the array of ingredients I pulled out. It was only flour, sugar, eggs, and butter but he already looked stressed. He let out a breath and pulled off his jacket as I reached to grab some mixing bowls and measuring cups. “So what do you want to bake?” I asked him so I could narrow down the necessary tools and ingredients. 

“A cake?” He shrugged his shoulders and I smiled at his seemingly nervous behavior. “Ask me. It makes it seem more official and I like hearing you ask to be taught something you don’t know.”  He smiled before rolling his shoulders back and dramatically clearing his throat. And so he asked, “Y/N, will you please teach me how to bake a cake?” and I did.

The week following our first “lesson” was only filled with constant interaction and more lessons. At first we only baked random sweets while dancing around to whatever song came on shuffle through my bluetooth speaker. We talked about our loves and passions and sometimes we touched on my mom and sister but Namjoon would never push me too far. I knew the feelings I was starting to harbor for him were more than platonic. It wasn’t just his looks or stupid jokes or smile at my even worse jokes. I was the little things. 

It was his caring heart. ‘Teach me to bake in a bakery.’ “So why do you add that if it’s not in the recipe?” he questioned me with a slight tilt of his head. “Because it’s the secret ingredient, Joon. And if I find out you tell anyone what it is I’ll burn down your coffee shop. Okay?” His eyebrows raised and his eyes widened before a boyish grin spread across his face. “Jeez, what’s with you and fire?” I tensed slightly but before I could feel any negative emotion, Namjoon lightly touched my arm and turned me to meet his pleading gaze. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean it like-” I cut him off with a flurry of giggles and my hunched over frame. “Why are you apologizing? I am really shit when it comes to fire safety.” I winked at him and saw him relax. With him around, it was okay. He cared.

It was his patience. ‘Teach me to make a beat’ “Ughhhh. Joon, I’m never going to get this right.” The throbbing in my fingertips and crease in my brow due to my frustration were evident. “Moonlight, it takes practice. And a good teacher always helps, hence why I’m here. You’re gonna get it, just try again.” He was seated next to me at his impressive studio desk trying to correctly position my randomly placed snare drum and bass sounds on the program in front of us. If it wasn’t his equipment I would have thrown it all at the wall ages ago. I sighed and sat up straighter in his desk chair before moving around some of the beats and trying again to make something that didnt sound like a middle school band warming up, or just a total cluster fuck of noises. Namjoon hummed along to the beat of the song I was “creating” and while it was incredibly off beat and by no means perfect, it was an incredible improvement. “See! I knew you could do it.” I smiled widely, matching his own. “How are you so optimistic and patient? You literally just sat through an hour of me butchering your presets with a smile the whole time.” He laughed before grabbing the instrument from my arms. “Because it’s you.”

It was determination. ‘Teach me to appreciate Shakespeare’ “Wait so Juliet is actually dead now? How did Romeo not even check to see if she was breathing?” Namjoon spoke confused. “She was in a tomb and looked pretty dead. All he knew is that his true love was dead and they were supposed to run away together.” I closed my copy of Romeo and Juliet and continued playing with his hair in my lap. “Huh. But why kill himself? And why would she do the same? Why couldn’t she just tell him her plan so that this wouldn’t have happened?” His hand gestured wildly in front of him and I looked down at his head that he had moved to my lap during the final act of the play with a smile. “That’s the tragedy of it all. They were so close to being together and running off on their own with no judgement.” Namjoon sat up at my answer and looked me in the eye as he spoke once more, “I guess you taught me how to appreciate Romeo and Juliet so congrats. But you still didn’t answer my other questions. Why would they see that the only option was death?” I looked away before answering. “I guess we all just want somebody to die for.”

It was his knowledge. ‘Teach me the best movies’ “Well we obviously have to watch The Godfather if you want to review the best movies of all time.” Namjoon had just come back to his living room with a bowl of popcorn as I settled into his couch with a fluffy blanket. “Well I’ve never seen it so I guess it wouldn’t be a review for me.” I spoke casually as Namjoon sat next to me under the blanket. He turned to me so fast I thought he might snap his neck. “You’ve never seen my favorite movie of all time? Okay we definitely need to start there.” I laughed as he pressed play. “I never watch movies. I just feel like I have more important things in life to spend my time on.” He looks offended as he processes my words. “I’m just going to pretend I didn’t just hear that.”

It was all these things about him and more. I was falling for Kim Namjoon more than I thought possible. I also finally learned his surname during a slightly embarrassing lesson of ‘Teach me your last name’. Currently we were still in our lesson about movies. Namjoon was insistent I was “educated” and no matter how hard I tried to watch the movie, I couldn’t concentrate. When I looked around all I saw was Namjoon. Namjoon’s apartment,Namjoon’s couch, Namjoon’s arm around my shoulders, Namjoon’s favorite movie playing, Namjoon’s blanket covering my body, Namjoon’s incredibly soft and cozy hoodie he let me wear, Namjoon. Thankfully my lack of concentration and stream of thoughts were broken by the man himself.

 About 10 minutes into the film, Namjoon asks a question I wasn’t expecting. “Wait so since you don’t watch movies, what did you have in the background during makeout sessions growing up?” He threw some popcorn in his mouth as I froze. He turned back to me at my lack of response. “Um, nothing?” I spoke timidly. “Wow, straight to the point, huh?” I shook my head and spoke the embarassing truth, “No I just, I’ve never been kissed. So there really wasn’t ever the chance to put something on.” I turned away from him, scared of him laughing in my face. Instead he just spoke “Bullshit. There’s no way nobody’s kissed you before.” I looked at his stupidly charming grin and said, “Well it’s not bullshit. And why are you so shocked?” He looked at me like I was stupid before stating “Because you’re beautiful.” He spoke the words like it was obvious. 

After a moment of silence, I turned my attention back to the movie playing but I couldn’t focus. I played with my fingers until Namjoon spoke softly “I can teach you, if you want” and I stopped moving completely. “But only if you’re okay with that” he blushes and hurriedly adds. I stopped his rambling though as I nodded my head with a quiet “okay”. I watched as his eyes widened. He fumbled for words a little before he moved impossibly closer and leaned in. He hesitated though and pulled away to my confusion. “You have to ask me. It’s our rule.” He says it almost playfully but the look in his eyes contradicts his playful smirk. I knew he wanted my full consent before doing anything.

 I let out a nervous laugh before uttering the words, “Teach me how to kiss.” And he does.

I dreamed of Namjoon and soft yet heated kisses that night. Waking up, I was confused to see the surroundings of his apartment lit by the soft glow of sunlight peeking through the curtains. I froze as I felt movement under my head. I was fully resting on top of Namjoon with my ear pressed to his chest and I smiled as I heard the beating of his heart. He suddenly  took in a deep breath and moved around a bit and I quickly shut my eyes, hoping to stay in this moment for as long as possible. I didn’t know how he felt about last night. Was he only teaching me as a friend? Did he feel even half of what I felt for him? 

His lips were soft as they pressed against mine and I hesitantly returned the kiss. His right hand came to cup my face softly as his head tilted slightly. I felt my heart pounding and the blood coursing through my body like electricity. I pulled away from him slowly, anxious for his next words. “Was that okay?” I spoke quietly and after a moment of silence I looked up to meet his eyes. He didn’t speak, instead he kissed me again with more emotions present than before. I placed my hands onto his chest before moving them to the nape of his neck. I played with the small curls there and felt him shiver in response. He was the one to pull away this time and he moved his hands to my hips before pulling me onto his lap. I was now straddling him and dazed at the sight of his flushed face and red lips. “You’re a natural, Y/N, and as much as I’m enjoying this I think I asked you what you played in the background when you made out with someone.”

My racing thoughts and fluttering heart came to an abrupt halt as I felt Namjoon lean down awkwardly to press his lips against the top of my head. I couldn’t help the wide grin that appeared as a result of his action. I opened one eye and turned to look up at him. He chuckled as he realized he had been caught. “Mornin’, Moonlight” He spoke in his gravely morning voice. I felt my cheeks start to ache slightly due to the size of my smile. “Good morning, Joon” I could only manage a whisper, too scared to shatter the blissful sight and moments of this morning. 

We stared at each other for a bit until the buzzing of Namjoon’s phone caught our attention. Jimin was calling him, however, he made no move to answer it until I pinched his side gently with a glare. “Not answering your best friend’s call is rude you know.” He rolled his eyes playfully before declining the call completely. “Yeah, well calling your best friend while he’s cuddling with a gorgeous girl this early is even worse.” He smirked at me and I sat up slowly while he groaned at the loss of warmth. I moved to straddle his lap and played with his soft hair while he looked up at me with a soft smile on his face. “Hey, what are you staring at, loser?” He shook his head softly and leaned into my hands in his hair.

“You.” He spoke softly with his eyes closed in bliss and a smile on his face and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning down and pressing my lips against his even if I had tried to. He smiled into the kiss before placing his hands onto my thighs and kissing me back. We moved together like a perfect symphony. A rolling wave on the ocean. Ink flowing against the page of a classic novel. I pulled away for air but stayed close to him as he moved his lips to my cheek and slowly kissed down to my neck and the sweet spot he had found the night before. 

“Namjoon” I sighed out as his lips worked against my neck sensually. I moved my hands to his hair and lightly tugged against the strands. He moaned against my neck and his teeth grazed a spot that had me shuddering and letting out a small whimper. He moved his head back up to face me. “Found it.” He stated cockily and I rolled my eyes before pressing my lips against his again, effectively wiping the smug smirk from his face. I felt his tongue brush against my lips and I decided to tease him before granting entrance. He grunted and bit my bottom lip lightly in frustration. I gasped at the sensation and he took the opportunity of my lips parting to explore the new territory.

“Joon, eventually we’re gonna have to go to work and open up for the day.” I spoke to rid my head of the memories of the night before. The groan he let out in response made the butterflies in my stomach appear. “Five more minutes” He muttered and I laughed before grabbing his phone on the coffee table to see how long we had before needing to leave before I gasped and my eyes widened. “Joon, get up. We’re so late, shit.” It was 10 AM and the shop should’ve been open two hours ago. He sat up slowly while squinting his eyes adorably. I shoved his phone into his hand and rushed off of him to head to my apartment for clean clothes. I heard a soft “Shit” as I closed the door behind me.

I bolted into my room and grabbed the first items I saw, which unknowingly included a baby pink, lace thong from Namjoon’s prank. I shoved my legs through my jean shorts and found some comfortable shoes before grabbing my keys and running out the door. Namjoon was already waiting by the elevator doors, tapping his foot impatiently. I let out a breathy laugh as I ran to meet him. He smiled at my presence before looking me up and down. He squinted slightly at the top of my head and laughed as the elevator doors opened. I patted my hair before feeling the slight knots left from not brushing it. As we moved down to the lobby I reached up to fix it as much as I could with my fingers before giving up and reaching for the hair tie around my wrist.

I lifted my arms up to gather all my hair into a messy ponytail and unbeknownst to me, my flowy top lifted up and revealed the baby pink  lace above the hem of my shorts. I heard Namjoon cough and clear his throat suddenly as my hands fell to my sides and the doors opened. “You okay, Joon?” I looked up to him and noticed a slight blush and flustered expression. He tightly smiled and nodded his head before grabbing my hand in his and guiding us out of our building. It was now my turn to blush at his sudden action and the feel of his hand in mine. 

We walked quickly so as to not be even more late to our own businesses. We approached the Hideout Cafe first and Namjoon reached into his back pocket for the keys to the shop. He kept his hand securely in mine as he tried to find the right key. He dropped the key ring onto the concrete before grumbling out some curses. I chuckled and leaned down in front of him to pick them up. I heard him choke out a gasp before I leaned back up to face him with a smile. He quickly took the keys from my hand and before I could think, he leaned down to kiss me before resting his forehead against mine and huskily whispering “I thought you threw out those fucking panties, babygirl.” He pulled back after kissing my cheek and he unlocked the shop before entering, leaving me hot and flustered on the sidewalk outside. 

The walk to my bakery after that was a blur. All I could sense was Namjoon. His whispers in my ear. His hand in mine. His shy smile full of dimples and crinkled eyes. His cologne surrounding me as I was in his arms. The taste of his kiss. The sight of his wink and smile as he walked into his shop. I barely realized I was inside the bakery until Mal called out for me.

“You okay, babe? You look pale.” I took in a deep breath before pushing her hands away from my face. “We need to talk. In the back. Now.” Her eyes widened and turned serious at my words. As I moved to the kitchen and started pacing, Mal moved to turn the ‘Open’ sign to ‘Closed’ before bolting to the back. She stood with her hands on her hips and eyed me pacing frantically before stopping me with a gentle hand on my shoulder. 

“Y/N, all you need to tell me is his first initial and I’ll find him within the week and beat his as-” I cut her off by blurting out “Namjoon and I kissed.” Her eyes widened once again and her jaw dropped before she started smugly smiling. She squealed and pulled me into a tight hug as she rambled about venues and summer versus spring weddings and I looked down at my shoes at her words. “So how did it happen? How long have you two been a thing and why didn’t I know sooner?” I sighed and looked at the excitement covering her face. “We’re not a ‘thing’ and we probably never will be. We’ve been hanging out a lot more recently and teaching each other our favorite things and last night we kissed a lot and I was on his lap and then I woke up with him on his couch and fuck, Mal I’m so scared.”

“Woah, hey what’s wrong? Did you not want him to kiss you?” I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I really wanted him to kiss me. I really wanted to do it again. But I was really scared to admit it. I felt tears well up in my eyes and Mal pulled me into her arms and shushed my quiet sobs. “I really like him, Mal.” I whispered. She pulled back and brushed some hair out of my face before gently holding my face in her hands. “Then what’s so wrong about kissing the guy you like? He wouldn’t have done it if he wasn’t at least slightly interested in you too.” 

I closed my eyes and saw his sleepy smile and bright eyes. I opened them again and voiced my fears, “Because I’m not good enough. He deserves so much more than some broken girl who’s too scared to kiss him in public or even admit to him how she feels. I’m fucked up, Mal. He doesn’t deserve someone like me.” Mal squinted her eyes as I finished.

“Are you done? Good. Number one, you might need to brush your teeth after spewing that much bullshit. Number two, you’re completely right. He doesn’t deserve someone like you. A beautiful, strong, kind, funny, talented, amazing woman who I’m lucky enough to call my best friend. So what if you’re scared about PDA, you said it yourself that you guys aren't anything official so that’s completely understandable. And number three, you never have been and never will be broken. You’ve gone through so much and no one expects you to be one hundred percent healed or back to normal after that. You are worth so much. Okay?” We were both crying as I nodded. I was lucky to have her.

“You’ve been so happy recently and I honestly feel dumb that I didn’t realize why sooner. If he makes you happy then talk to him about this. Let yourself have something good because you deserve it.” I thanked her and held her tightly. “Oh and don’t think you’re off the hook. We are definitely going to talk in full detail about last night and all those times you’ve ‘hung out’ alone together.” I laughed and rolled my eyes before wiping under my eyes. 

“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” 

I was cleaning up the shop after closing for the day when the bell above the door sounded. I groaned as I realized I hadn’t locked it yet and now had to deal with late night customers. “We’re closed.” I called from the back, too tired to go up front. “Aw damn. Even for your favorite customer?” A familiar voice spoke in faux disappointment and I felt the butterflies burst to life in my stomach. I smiled and walked up to the register, suddenly full of energy. 

“Bold of you to assume you’re my favorite.” I tilted my head and watched him smile as I appeared. “And to think, I was going to surprise you with a date and everything.” Namjoon shook his head and shrugged his shoulders before turning to leave. I laughed before running to grab his arm. “Well I guess I can make an exception for my favorite customer. But just for tonight.” He turned to me with a bright smile and leaned in to kiss me. I pulled away from him before he could though. He looked confused but brushed it off. 

“I need an order of your best creation.” I bit my lip and thought about what I would make before remembering the cupcakes I had made a few weeks ago. I had thankfully scribbled down the recipe and knew they would be relatively easy. “Only if I have some company while I make it.” I turned to walk into the kitchen and felt his presence behind me. I grabbed all the ingredients listed in my binder of recipes and got to work. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Namjoon picking up the binder and inspecting the page with my messy scrawl. 

“I asked for company so I had someone to talk to, not someone to snoop around and be nosy.” I smiled but never shifted my attention to him. He breathed out a laugh and moved to stand behind me. I felt his arms wrap loosely around my waist and his head rested on my shoulder. He sighed against my back and I leaned into him slightly. “Why doesn’t this one have a name? All the other pages have names at the top but this one just had question marks.” 

“I just came up with this on a whim. Didn’t really have any names in mind. I guess I just forgot to come back to it.” I spoke truthfully as I stirred the ingredients together to form a smooth batter. Namjoon hummed in response and I continued working with his arms around me. When I had to place the cupcakes into the oven I nudged his arm with my elbow and he groaned. “‘M comfy.” He mumbled and I laughed as I struggled to unravel his frame from mine. 

“Weren’t you the one who promised a surprise date?” I reminded him and saw his eyes instantly light back up as a blush slowly appeared on his cheeks. “Do you want that?” He questioned silently and scratched at the back of his neck. I closed the oven and turned to face him with furrowed brows. “Want what? A surprise? Cause that’s kinda why I’m baking these-” “I meant the date. Did you want it to be a date? Because if you don’t then that’s fine too.” He cut me off with nerves lacing his words. 

“Yeah. I would love that. Why did you think I would say no?” I questioned with a matching blush on my face. “Well you just, you kinda rejected me up front when I tried to kiss you so.” I looked down in embarrassment before taking Mal’s advice from earlier. “I was just scared.” I paused and looked up to meet his eyes before continuing, “I really like you, Joon. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up by kissing you if you didn’t feel the same.” I played with my fingers anxiously as I waited for his response. He smiled largely before finally breaking the silence. “You don’t have to be scared, Moonlight. Cause I really like you too.”

When I finished up the cupcakes we packed them up and walked hand in hand to our date. I was giddy as we swung our hands between our bodies. When we stopped in front of the Hideout I was confused. “Is this your surprise? Making me another coffee at 10 PM?” I questioned him but he didn’t respond. He unlocked the door and held it open for me. I narrowed my eyes at his smug smile and walked into the dark shop. I stood awkwardly in the middle of the shop and looked around in confusion.

“Joon, I appreciate the effort but I-” I stopped speaking as the shop was suddenly lit up by the few strands of fairy lights in the corner by the reading area. I gasped at the sight. Instead of shelves of books and pillows, there were large, comfy blankets covering the entire section with Namjoon standing at the entrance holding a laptop. “I know it’s not much but I just thought it would be cute or that you would like it cause I remembered how much you liked it over here last time.” I walked up to meet him at the entrance with a large smile on my face. He looked nervous again and I couldn’t understand why. 

“It’s perfect, Joon. Thank you.” I leaned in to punctuate my statement with a short kiss before pulling back the blanket behind him to crawl into the makeshift fort. He entered a few seconds after me and settled on my right side before opening his laptop. While the shelves of books were covered on the outside of the fort, the interior was filled with the sight of them. The soft glow of the string lights and comfort of the pillows and blankets set the perfect environment for reading and I darted my eyes across the different titles in awe. 

“You there, Moonlight?” Namjoon called out and I shifted my gaze onto him easily. I raised my eyebrows and turned to face him, not realizing he had been calling for me. “I asked what movie you wanted to watch.” I felt my face flush for the millionth time that night and bit my lip as I debated on what I should answer. “Could we maybe read something instead?” I spoke hesitantly but the grin on his face as he shut his laptop eased my fears. “Whatever you want.” I smiled and grabbed the familiar title on my left. 

“Have you read this before?” I asked softly. He shook his head but never lost the small grin on his lips or diverted his eyes from mine. “Well it’s a personal favorite of mine, so get ready to experience literary genius.” I moved to get more comfortable and ended up laying on Namjoon’s chest while his hands played with my hair. 

“Chapter one.”

“Are you even listening to the story?” I questioned accusingly. Namjoon smiled innocently despite being caught staring at the side of my face for the third time in the past ten minutes. Meeting up after closing had become a routine for the two of us. He would meet me at the bakery and ‘help’ me bake something for the night ahead. Usually we get to the Hideout and read after eating a bit and get through at least a chapter or two before he distracts me with kisses or tickles. Tonight, however, Namjoon was dead set on staring into the side of my face laying on his chest. “Of course I’m listening, Moonlight. Why’d you stop?” He smirked and I rolled my eyes with a sigh before continuing.

“As he looked into her eyes he saw nothing but pain and sorrow. The guilt he felt consumed him but he had no choice. He turned away as he heard her choke out a heart wrenching sob-” I was cut off by Namjoon kissing me for the fifth time that night. I giggled lightly against his lips but made sure to keep my spot in our book. “Joon, it’s been four days and we’re still only on chapter 10 of 45. As much as I love your kisses, we need to actually read the book in order to finish it.” He moved his lips to my left cheek and down my jawline as I spoke.

I lightly pushed his head away and playfully glared at him while he pouted. “But it’s so sad. Honestly, I don’t know why she keeps going back to him and shit when he only hurts her. Guilty or not, he’s still fucked for cheating on her like that.” He reached for a leftover cupcake in the box next to him while I grinned. He let out a low moan as he took a bite and I felt my body ignite with heat. “Fuck, these are always so amazing. I can’t believe you don’t sell them anymore.” He spoke with his mouth partially full and I rolled my eyes at his boyish behavior.

“I’ve told you a million times, I can’t sell something without a name.” He threw his head back with a groan and I laughed at his frustration. “Well let’s come up with something then. It’s better than reading about heartbreak.” I sat up from my spot on his chest and faced him fully. “It needs a catchy name, that’s for sure. It also needs to hint at the surprise inside.” He licked the stray frosting around his mouth as he spoke animatedly. I took in the appearance of the man in front of me. He was in some basic sweatpants and a hoodie since after night two we had decided it was best to change into more comfortable clothes to read after closing.

“The surprise inside?” I laughed, “What, do you mean the filling?” He rolled his eyes and waved his hand in dismissal. “You know what I mean. You’re just not expecting it but it's a good surprise for sure.” His explanation brought a memory to mind.  

Sitting innocently on top of my dresser was a little note with his messy scrawl reading ‘Gotcha ;)’ 

“Gotcha.” I spoke quietly with a smile, remembering the first prank he had pulled on me so long ago. “What?” He questioned innocently, taking another bite of the cupcake in his hand while his free one came to rest on my thigh. “Gotcha. That’s what I’m naming it.” He furrowed his brow in confusion and tilted his head slightly to the side. He was silent for a bit before looking at me with hope and excitement. “Why?” He asked with fake confusion, but the giddy smile forming on his face revealed his true intentions. I smiled and sighed loudly before looking away dramatically. “I guess because it reminds me of the time a loser stole all my underwear and left me a note saying that on top of my dresser.” He laughed loudly and I turned to look at the sight of his bright eyes crinkled at the sides and his prominent dimples. 

“Fuck, you’re perfect.” He spoke softly with a look of fondness on his face. I flushed and looked down at the hand on my thigh that was rubbing soft circles. “Be my girlfriend.” I moved my head up so quickly I thought my neck would snap. “What?” I spoke in shock. “I don’t want someone else to be with you. And I really don’t want to be with anyone other than you. I know we’ve never really put an official label on anything but fuck it. So, will you?” He looked nervous but his eyes showed nothing but honesty.

“About damn time.” I spoke after releasing a breath I didn’t realize I was holding in. I grabbed his face and kissed him passionately. I was smiling widely but he didn’t mind as he moved his hand from my thigh to my waist. Our kisses turned heated as his tongue brushed across the seam of my lips urgently. I pulled back and leaned in to whisper in his ear, “I think you were right about movies. They make great background noise for making out.” His breath hitched and I watched as he fumbled for his laptop. I giggled and straddled his lap as he furiously typed in his password for Netflix.

I lightly feathered kisses onto his jaw and down his neck. I felt the vibrations as he groaned at my actions. “Fuck, how have you only been kissed for the first time last week?” I let out a breathy laugh as I sat up from my slightly hunched form. “I think I got the basics down pretty quickly thanks to my teacher. But I think I’m ready to learn something else from them.”  His eyes darkened and before I knew it I was being rolled onto my back as the opening sounds from Avengers: Infinity War played in the background.

“Babygirl, I’ll teach you anything you want to know.” He smirked as he started moving down my body.

I was sure the smile on my face would become permanent after how long it had been painted on. We didn’t go all the way but we definitely made some progress on my lessons. I was laying on the blanketed floor with Namjoon resting on my chest. I was wearing his hoodie and my sleep shorts from earlier while he was left in his sweatpants and a bare chest. I was looking at the soft lights around me while my hand was playing with the messy curls tickling my chin. The sounds of the Avengers battling Thanos in Wakanda paired with Namjoon’s soft snores was lulling me to sleep slowly but surely. 

I knew we would both regret sleeping on the hard floor of the Hideout in the morning, but

at the moment I couldn’t find it in myself to care. I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath, ready to fall asleep when a notification sounded from the laptop. I turned slightly to see what it was but suddenly felt all possibility of sleep and tiredness drain from my body. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions but I had to try and make sense of what I saw.

GM<3: i miss you:(

I tried to calm myself before overreacting. It could be a relative or someone close to him. He just told me earlier how wrong cheating was. He wouldn’t do thi- Another notification sounded and effectively cut off my racing thoughts. I felt more confident in the situation as I looked at the incoming text but it’s contents only made me feel sick.

GM<3: when are you coming over again? 

GM<3: please say soon:( you left pretty quick the other night

GM<3: i love you, talk soon <3

I felt tears threatening to spill and was confused. I thought of every possible explanation but none of them were innocent or made any sense. I was hurt. I was angry. But mostly, I was numb. The thought I was dreading the most kept circling my mind. I didn’t want to believe it but it made too much sense.

You fell for the greatest prank of all. You believed he actually felt anything for you.

I felt hot tears fall down my face while one word played on a loop in my head. A heartbreaking lullaby played like a broken record.

Gotcha.

I was frozen. I didn’t move or sleep at all that night. My body ached from the hard floor and lack of movement but all I focused on was the heartache and racing thoughts that hadn’t seized through the night. The sun started to rise and I took it as my cue to leave and head to my shop. I carefully moved and tried to remove myself from Namjoon’s tight grip on my hips. I freed myself eventually and felt hot tears welling up in my eyes. I grabbed my clothes from the day before along with my other belongings and headed to the front door.

I placed my hand on the door handle and hesitated. Talk to him. “Let yourself have something good”. I turned to look at his frame under the dim glow of the rising sun and felt the lump in my throat grow. I forced myself to look away and walk out the door before I could change my mind. I made it to the front door of my shop before breaking down and crying. I told you so. 

I wiped my tears and stood up straight before unlocking the door and walking in, determined to bottle it up and not talk about it. The faster I avoided Kim Namjoon and everything involving him, the better. I silently worked throughout the day with a tight smile and locked my phone up in the storage area so I wouldn’t see any missed calls or texts. Mal could sense something was up but didn’t push me. 

As the clock moved closer to closing time I panicked. He was surely going to come by to walk us back to his shop. “Hey, Mal? I just remembered I have to head back to my place early tonight. Do you mind closing up for me?” I spoke with a shaky voice and Mal’s questioning glance almost broke my act. “Of course. Just take care of yourself.” She spoke sincerely and I let out a breath of relief at her words. I threw off my apron and grabbed my belongings again before heading home. Namjoon would probably try to get me to read the book with him but I couldn’t face him. I walked quickly past the Hideout and his apartment before collapsing into my bed. I made sure to lock my front door and bedroom door for extra precaution.

I screamed into my pillow as I sobbed. 

This routine went on for the next three days. I started leaving my phone at my apartment after it died. I didn’t have the energy to look at it or charge it to see the messages I had waiting for me. I opened my door at 5 AM to start my new routine of avoiding Namjoon. I was fearful that he might try to come into my shop during the day but so far he hadn’t. That fear came back like a crashing wave, however, as I heard a body fall onto the floor of my apartment when I opened the front door to leave. 

A tired looking Namjoon stood quickly and sighed in relief as he saw me. He reached out to hold my face as he spoke, “Fuck, Moonlight, I’m so glad you’re okay. You haven’t responded to my texts or been at the shop when I stopped by and I was so fucking worried.” He leaned in to kiss me and I pushed his hands off me. He looked confused at my actions but I looked away as anger and hurt filled me.

“Maybe that was for a reason.” I mumbled out as I crossed my shaking hands around my frame. “What? Moon, what’s wrong?” He reached for my hand again and I turned around to walk into my apartment. I heard the door close softly and his quiet footsteps following me. “Baby, you need to let me know-” I spun around at the pet name and pointed shakily at him. “No. You don’t get to call me that. You don’t get to hear about my life or what’s bothering me because it’s you. You’re the problem for me. You need to just stop. Stop kissing me and holding my hand and looking at me like I’m the only girl in your eyes and just making me feel like I’m actually worth something to you. Stop.” I was angry. The tears flowed freely down my face and my hand fell to my side as I finished my words.

Namjoon looked down and shook his head before looking back at me. “Moon, I don’t know what I did but all of that is never going to stop. I never want to stop kissing you or holding your hand or showing you how I really feel about you. You are the only girl in my eyes-” I cut him off with a scoff “Bullshit! How can you just lie like that. I saw the texts that night Namjoon. You fell asleep and when you did you got some texts from another girl. Congratulations, you win. Once again you’ve utterly broken me.”

“What texts? There is no other girl, I promise you. Please, I never meant to hurt you, especially like this.” He was starting to tear up and his voice broke as he finished but I stood my ground. “And I would’ve believed you if I hadn’t seen the texts for myself. I hope you and ‘GM’ are happy together because it seems like you two made it longer than a few hours since you’re already in love.” He scrunched his face up at my words. “Wait. Hold on. GM?” He breathed out a laugh as he spoke. His words cut me like a knife. 

“So you used me and cheated on me and can’t even try to act serious about it? Fuck you, Namjoon.” I moved to walk past him and into my bedroom but he grabbed my arm before I could. “Wait, Moon, no. My sister’s name is Geong Min. That’s who you saw text me that night. I’m telling you the truth, you’re the only girl for me.” He turned my body to face him as he spoke with a small smile. 

I furrowed my eyebrows at his confession. “You have a sister? Wait, why did she ask you to come over and say that you left quick the last time?” He smiled largely as he spoke. “I went to her place the night I set up the Hideout for us because I had to borrow her blankets and lights. And I also needed her advice on if the date was even a good idea.” I sighed and hugged him close to me. “I’m a fucking idiot, I’m so sorry, Joon.” 

He held me against him tightly and moved us side to side. “You’ve always been more than enough for me. You are worth so much to me and to everyone you come into contact with. I know it’s scary to have these feelings, because, Moon, I’m fucking terrified too. But I promise you that you’re all I want. I never want to hurt you and I never want to see us like that again. You’re more than worth it, Moon.” He pulled us slightly apart as he looked into my eyes for his final words and I felt tears welling up again as I smiled.

“You deserve better than someone who can’t love you back the way you need to be. I’ve never felt like this and I know it’s too soon to say I’m in love with you but I know for a fact that I’m falling.” I spoke softly. He smiled and leaned down to press his forehead against mine while I closed my eyes. “Ask me, Moonlight.” He whispered. “Ask me to teach you how to be loved.” He pressed his lips to my forehead then moved down to press a kiss to each cheek and the tip of my nose before pulling back to look in my eyes and wait for my answer.

He returned the smile that grew on my face and laughed as he leaned down to kiss me properly after I spoke softly,“Teach me how to be loved, Joon.” 

And he did.