#i realized i shouldn't waste any of my energy on it

[tf-you]

Awkward little lady wearing a skirt for the first time since she was a kid

[fafnir19]

When wishes come true

Sebastian was elbow-deep in the clutter of an old man's attic, sifting through forgotten trinkets and discarded relics while working a clearing job for an estate.

His fingers brushed against something smooth and cool, and when he lifted it into the dim light, he discovered a lustrous golden bottle. "This is pretty cool," he thought. His boss, the clutter-clearing specialist, saw the gleam in Sebastian's eyes and chuckled. "You can keep that one, kid," he said, as Sebastian carefully stowed the bottle in his backpack. Returning to his cramped student apartment, Sebastian methodically cleaned the bottle. In a whirl of sparkling dust, a figure emerged from within, billowing into the room in a shimmer of iridescence. "Greetings, master! I am Dailan, the genie of this bottle, and you, dear Sebastian, have three wishes at your disposal," the figure announced with a flourish.

Sebastian, thinking it a joke, sarcastically announced his first wish: "Yeah, right. I wish this place was spotless." With a melodious hum, Dailan granted the wish, leaving the room immaculate. "Seriously?" Sebastian murmured, incredulous that he had wasted a wish so frivolously. He mulled over his next move and wished for a smoother path through his studies without such hard work as clearing other people clutter. Dailan nodded, and Sebastian soon received a generous scholarship.

Days passed, and Dailan gently prodded Sebastian about his final wish, but the student remained undecided. "I'll think about it later," he evaded, to Dailan's growing concern. After continual prodding, Dailan explained that he could only fulfill others' wishes once Sebastian had chosen his. Accordingly he shouldn't be so selfish and wait any longer. Unperturbed, Sebastian remained indecisive. A year elapsed, and still, Sebastian hesitated.

One fateful evening, as Sebastian hurried down a dimly lit staircase, his foot slipped, and his body tumbled down, crashing onto the hard floor with a sickening crack. Pain seared through Sebastian's body as darkness threatened to claim him. With his last breath, he heard Dailan's voice echo around him, reminding him of his unclaimed wish. "Sebastian, your final wish," Dailan's voice urged, the urgency palpable. But it was too late. Sebastian's consciousness slipped away. Sebastian awoke to an unfamiliar sight. He found himself in a boundless expanse, surrounded by a vibrant, otherworldly energy. His mind felt weightless, detached from his physical form. Suddenly, Dailan materialized before him, his form shimmering in the ethereal light. "Sebastian, as the one who did not make his final wish, you are now destined to take my place." "What do you mean?" Sebastian's voice trembled as he struggled to comprehend. "You are now Lux, the genie of the bottle," Dailan declared.

"You will grant the wishes of others, just as I have done for you. It is your fate and your burden." Panic gripped Sebastian as the realization sunk in. Trapped in this role for eternity, he understood the weight of his missed opportunity. "But I never asked for this! I never wanted this!" Sebastian screamed, his voice echoing across the boundless expanse. Dailan's form began to fade. "I'm sorry, Lux. This is your destiny now," he whispered before vanishing completely. With a heavy heart, Lux accepted his new reality. As time passed and the world outside the bottle carried on, Lux was bound to wait for his next summoner.

In the wake of Sebastian's death, the apartment underwent refurbishment, with Jasper, the son of the landlord, overseeing the renovations.

Amid the empty rooms, he discovered a solitary blue bottle coated in a veil of dust. In a whimsical impulse, Jasper polished the bottle, and from its depths, Lux emerged, resplendent and enigmatic. "Hello, Jasper. I am Lux, and you hold three wishes in your grasp," Lux intoned with an otherworldly glint in his eyes.

Jasper, his heart pounding with disbelief, tried to make sense of this unearthly encounter. "I must be dreaming," he murmured. "I assure you, Jasper, this is no mere dream. You have stumbled upon a most extraordinary opportunity," Lux insisted, his tone firm yet remarkably soothing. Shrugging off the surreal encounter, Jasper dismissed the opportunity. "I have everything I could possibly want. I don't need any wishes," he conveyed with an air of nonchalance. "It is not about need, my dear Jasper, but about desires unspoken," Lux countered, his gaze piercing and inscrutable. Returning to his abode, Jasper's mind swirled with conflicting thoughts. Lux's words echoed in his mind, urging him to consider the true extent of his desires. Inwardly troubled by the authenticity of his friendships and the superficiality of his aspirations, he revealed to Lux his feeling that others liked him only for his wealth and looks. So Jasper pondered the implications of his emerging wishes. "Fine, if this is what it takes to prove a point, then I wish for someone who surpasses me in wealth and allure, enough to turn straight man gay," Jasper declared, half in jest, half in earnest. Despite his uncertainty in mastering his magic, Lux felt compelled to grant the wish. Suddenly, in a surge of blue light, Lux transformed into a wealthy and captivating figure, stunning in both opulence and charisma, leaving both of them astonished.

Delighted with the outcome, Jasper reveled in the world's admiration for Lux's splendor.

Jasper and Lux strolled through the opulent streets, where designer boutiques beckoned with their luxurious wares. Jasper, resplendent in his tailored suit, and Lux, exuding an almost regal air with his chiseled features and impeccably styled hair, attracted admiring glances as they indulged in a spree of lavish shopping.

Lux emerged from the changing room to see a satisfied grin on Jasper's face. Jasper was content, believing Lux's presence as a wealthy, attractive man would divert attention from himself.

Swathed in the finest fabrics and adorned with extravagant jewelry, they basked in the attention their wealth and attractiveness garnered.

Their escapades extended to the realm of leisure, where they reveled in upscale recreational pursuits befitting their status. Lux accompanied Jasper to exclusive venues, where they partook in leisurely yacht cruises to savor the allure of the sea, and engaged in spirited matches of tennis at elite clubs.

At night, they graced extravagant soirees, their presence commanding attention and admiration. Jasper and Lux immersed themselves in the glittering extravagance that their affluent lifestyles afforded. Lux found himself immersed in a world once beyond his reach, infusing every endeavor with an infectious joy, reveling in each moment as he came to understand the allure of wealth and luxury from an entirely new vantage point.

Worried about Jasper's fate, Lux shared his own story and urged Jasper to express his final two wishes, even if it meant parting ways as Lux moved on to serve his next master.

After a soirée, Jasper and Lux ​​walked home through a dimly lit alley, where they fell victim to a violent attack by a robber. Jasper was seriously wounded.

Realizing the gravity of his situation, Jasper hastily uttered, "I wish for my recovery, and for the assailant to take your place as the genie." A infernal swirl of smoke enveloped the scene, and the assailant transformed into a genie. Lux regarded  the events unfolding.

Expecting Lux to vanish into thin air, Jasper was surprised as Lux remained, now merely a regular human—albeit rich and handsome. "Lux?" Jasper called out, uncertainty lacing his voice. "You wished for the assailant to take my place," Lux explained gently. "My essence is no longer confined to the bottle and I can stay with you." Jasper marveled at these unforeseen developments. The assailant, now transformed into a genie, stood awkwardly amidst the unreal setting, grappling with his newfound abilities.   The new genie, riddled with confusion and uncertainty, struggled to comprehend his newfound existence as Lux and Jasper embraced their friendship and unspoken connection.

Some days later the genie-turned assailant appeared and says:

"Lux has not fully fulfilled your first wish. I'm here to fix this. Your first wish was that Lux shall turn straight man gay. Therefore, from now on you will be gay and desire Lux.” Suddenly, Jasper began to show his affection for Lux intimately. The genie laughed darkly: “How sweet you are, Jasper. I guess you’ll make Lux bi in no time and your bromance will turn into a romance.”

[minotaurs-my-beloved]

Hey girl so this is my first time asking for a "fanfic?" Abt a DOMwerewolfxf human? Not a certain one or anything just like a scenario Abt a FWB werewolf x fem reader where they were both at a club (on accident) and he (werewolf) saw that she(reader) was talking/flirting with another werewolf and he got jealous and confronted her about it and she brushed it off and like 2 hours later she hears her door knocking and he "tricks her" Into thinking that hes not mad Abt it but once they like start making out and she starts getting desperate he starts saying things like "who fucks you better" and shit like that and gets rlly possessive❤️ thanks girl ! Also plz don't use "daddy kink" I hate it!!(Not kink shaming)

Dw, I don't usually add any kinks unless directly asked just in case<3

You had been wanting more with Conan since before this friends with benefits situation even started, but considering it's been months of this and he won't even let you kiss him, you've long since abandoned that dream.

In the beginning it was fine, he was paying attention to you, and it felt so fucking good. But now, it just hurts every time you're finished and you realize he isn't yours. Your friends can see it's hurting you, so they decide to take you out for a girls night to get your mind off things. Getting you all dressed up and taking you to the bar.

And it works! You let loose, not drinkin to much, you don't want to wake up with a terrible headache tomorrow, but enough to feel more confident. One of your friends nudges you with their shoulder and tilts her head in the direction of a big man, clearly another werewolf with that height, staring at you from across the room. You blush and look away, but the girls refuse to let you give up this chance, trying to urge you to go over.

Then, you see Conan and your heart drops into your stomach, but, its also serves as the also nail in the coffin and you start walking over to the other wolf. Childishly wanting Conan to see you, wanting him to know you're not desperate for him. The wolf grins at you, showing off his big sharp canines, talking to you with a low sultry voice, a slight growl in the back of his throat. He looks you up and down, complimenting your dress and you keen. It feels so good for someone to look at you like this, so obviously, you start flirting back.

At first you feel a pang of betrayal, but quickly shove that away. I mean, why shouldn't you flirt with him? It's not like Conan and you are together or anything. Just as he puts his hands around your waist, you're ripped from your thoughts by the sound of a familiar voice saying your name.

You snap your head in the direction of Conan as he glowers at the both of you. "Is that your boyfriend?" The wolf asks, you frown and shake your head, "No, sorry about him." He nods slowly, "Mhm, it kinda seems like you two have somethin goin on. I don't want to be in the middle of that, sorry love." He smiles gently at you and walks away. You stand there for a minute before spinning on your heel and storming over to Conan, seething in rage.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" You push his chest, which does a total of nothing. He's literally 7 feet tall. Don't know what you expected there. Anyways, he looks down at you, jaw clenched, "Didn't like the way he was looking at you."

That stuns you with the sheer fucking stupidity.

You don't even waste the energy and stalk off, ignoring his calls of your name. Your friends completely understand when you order the uber to leave. Fists clenched, jaw set, face in a permanent tired glare as you stare out the window, the scenario playing itself in your head over and over while you cuss him out in your mind.

Making it back home, unlocking your apartment, you don't even bother to take off your makeup, falling onto your bed, too angry to cry. Two hours or so later, you've fully calmed down, just accepting it for what it is, deciding next time you see Conan you'll break it off.

All that resolve quickly disappears the minute you hear a knock and his rough voice coming from the door. You take a breath before walking over, slowly opening it, and looking up at him, "What."

His ears lie back against his head and he looks at the floor, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I was just jealous, but that's not fair to you."

You furrow your eyebrows at his words, "Why would you be jealous? We're not in a relationship?"

He looks to the side, refusing to meet your eyes, "What if I don't want that? What if I want more than just sex? I want you, please?" He mumbles the last part, slowly raising his head to meet your eyes.

"Fuck, I want you too, so damn bad." His tail wags rapidly at your words, banging against the doorframe, "Let me make it up to you then, yeah?"

You move your body to let him in and he quickly pushes you against the wall, making out with you, for the first time. You yelp in surprise, closing your eyes and kissing him back, feeling his teeth nip at your lip while he whines quietly into your mouth. Picking you up like you weigh nothing, carrying you to the bed and laying you down on it, stripping you and himself.

Driving his fat cock deep inside your cunt, starting slow but soon ramming into you. Growling and groaning with each thrust, "Yeah, take it. Fucking take it bitch, I fuck you down so much better than he could ever. Don't i?" You babble out some incoherent response and he just grins and fucks you harder, "You're mine, you know that right? Mine. Nod your head for me, love, that's right babygirl, you needed this."

[nothorses]

Well that was a lot of really creative ways to avoid saying donate to a Palestinian.

Hey, I understand the hurt and the panic you're feeling, and I'm worried about Palestinians too. I'm hurting too, and I'm worried too.

This ask sucked to receive. It hurt a little to feel like the effort I have been putting in to promote Palestinian fundraisers, particularly to double check that what I promote is vetted by someone trustworthy so that people do not lose more faith in the validity of these donation efforts on my account. More than that, though, this ask made me feel angry and isolated.

The post you're referring to is a post about local community support networks, and what I said on it was just a list of small things people can do to build local community connections, starting from 0. It's for people who don't think they have friends and don't know how to make them, or who don't know how they can translate friendship into material support and action that benefits the whole.

This ask made me feel frustrated that you don't understand that point, or the importance of it. Or maybe you do, and you weren't willing to see or engage with that point because of other feelings you were having. Maybe you chose to direct those feelings at me because you needed an outlet for them, and you weren't thinking about the impact your actions would have on someone else.

Donating to Palestinians is also good, important work. I have fundraisers in my pinned post for that reason. I haven't had time or energy to go through the asks I've received to verify, promote, and add them to that list in a while, and I feel bad about that! And it's weird to me that you think I'd avoid advocating for that after all the energy I've put into doing exactly not that.

And like, again, I feel bad that I haven't done more. Part of that is because my expectations for myself are too high, and I am a person who tends to feel guilty over stuff that I shouldn't feel guilty for. Part of that is because I really could be doing better. I just haven't figured out how to do that in a sustainable way yet; which also means getting over the guilt so I can redirect that energy into productivity.

I wanted to respond to this ask with the frustration and irritation I was feeling when I first read it. I'm choosing not to because, when I started drafting that response in my head, I realized that telling you off for guilt-tripping me in this hostile, unproductive way would be hypocritical.

Community connection is more important than ever right now. We need each other. We need patience, forgiveness, grace, and connection. We need to be vulnerable with one another, even and especially when it's hard. When it hurts.

I would have preferred you ask me why I didn't add a suggestion to donate to Palestinians in my response. Better yet, that you add it yourself! I would have been happy to reblog that addition, and receiving that as a reminder, or as building on what I said, would have felt encouraging. It would have made me feel more connected to you, more hopeful, and more excited to do this work. It would have made me excited to dig into my ask box and promote more Palestinian fundraisers, in solidarity with them as well as with you.

I understand why you didn't do that; it hurts right now. It's hard to make the choice to embody critical hope in the face of so much pain. I don't blame you for the guilt I feel, and I know I can't let that discourage me from doing work to help other people either.

I also know you're less likely to hear any of this than the uninvolved people who'll see it without feeling any defensiveness over this critique of your choices, and like, that's fine too. But I don't think I'm wasting my breath either way; I want to set an example in my community, promote connection, and promote the healing and growth that will allow us to do the hard work we need to do in the coming years. We're entering a fight, and we need to do it together, with grace for each other and the vulnerability that will allow us to connect and heal. We need to practice the future we're fighting for, and we have to start now.

[makingfanfictionstosleep]

My First But Not My Last.

Pairing : Gojo x Femreader, Geto x Femreader

Setting : Started from Pre-Cult Suguru Geto // Some folks will not die // Modified that Kenjaku will not totally take over Geto's subconscious later on // Girl bff Shoko, Mei Mei & Utahime, Strong sorcerer reader // Death, Murder Spree, Romance, Lemons.

Rating : M || m i n o r s d o n o t i n t e r a c t

Part 6 : Nullify

<< Previous ...... Next >>>

Time skip to Pre-Shibuya…

Kokichi Muta had 9 years' worth of cursed energy.

But that doesn't mean he is invincible.

Well, almost, if not for the curtain that fake Geto pulled over the area.

He has options, which include a simple domain to get to him & force him to join the fray or the other thing, which is considered as an emergency plan.

He is not sure how that curse operates. "What was his name again? Was it Mahito?" He considered & weighed his options, but he knew that this chance can't be wasted.

"Plan B it is," he hissed through his gritted teeth, pulled the amulet from his neck & flicked it with cursed-energy.

This was not part of any of Geto's or Mahito's plan.

Definitely not.

You were warped, nope, pulled forcefully from your meeting with Satoru Gojo & the rest of the teachers, alarming them for your sudden disappearance for they know that this only happens when there's an emergency from one of the sorcerers.

The last time this happened was when Suguru Geto appeared on campus grounds.

You were transported in a cramped enclosure, which you realized was some sort of a robot, but then you saw who summoned you and it all clicked.

"What the fucked happened?" You breathed through the space, crawling your way towards the person underneath the upturned chair, "And who the fuck are you?!"

"Mechamaru, no time to explain, we need to get out of here!" Muta exclaimed, "I'll explain as soon as we're out!"

"Fine, but where are--" Your question died down when you saw the face of your pronounced-as-dead-ex, looking at you with the same puzzle & surprised look, "Suguru" You whispered.

"No, that's not Geto & we need to get out before --"

Your reflexes were as good as everyone said it was by being able to block Mahito's attack the split second. Good thing you took notes from your ever so-arrogant lover on 10 reasons he is keeping his infinity on at all times whenever he is out of his house. It hurt you, but you could blast him outside Muta's robot.

"He should be dead! How-what-why? What the fuck?!" You exclaimed at Muta, who was now able to free himself.

"I'll explain later. We need to get out of here sensei!" Muta shouted in panic which brought you back to your senses.

"Fine! Can you stand?" You exclaimed, adrenaline running all over your body, as Muta gained his strength to stand on his two feet, "This will be rough," you warned before throwing a debris through the ceiling, making a hole big enough to fly out.

But before you could even get out of the robot, you noticed that the barrier was gone, which meant that Suguru & Mahito had already left.

"Put me down!" Mahito protested, arms flailing around, "I'm not yet done."

"We are done for now. The school would know that I am here thanks to your carelessness," Geto cursed as he summoned one of his cursed spirits to fly away.

Not seconds later, Satoru Gojo appeared at the forest, followed by a worried Utahime & Meimei.

"What happened here?" Utahime exclaimed while Meimei was looking around, her big axe ready for any fight.

You helped Muta get out of his robot & Gojo rushing to him, his hands wrapped tightly around his neck, "Tell me why I shouldn't kill you right now."

"Satoru! Calm down! Let him explain!" You pulled his arm, but he's not budging, "He summoned me! So there has to be a reason!"

"Residuals," Meimei said, "One from an unregistered curse & the other…"

"Geto," Satoru finished, "But that's not my concern. You put y/n's life in danger. Tell me why I should not kill you right now."

"Satoru, I'm a teacher! It's also my duty to protect the students & the younger ones! I am the only one who can nullify barriers from within, so put the kid down," you said as you nullified his infinity, directly touching his skin hoping that this would calm him down.

Satoru loosened his grip on Muta's neck as placed him on the ground, taking in air as soon as his airway was free.

"We checked your place, you were not there," Utahime said with her hand on her hip, "What's going on Kokichi?"

"Not here," Muta said, "I'll tell you everything, but not here."

"Gojo, take us to my place," Meimei ordered with a smile, "Only you can teleport us there."

"Fine," Satoru answered begrudgingly.

Meimei's place was luxurious and lavish, even more than Satoru's. You have been here on occasion, sometimes when it's girl's night out. Of course, you can't frequent here since it's in Kuala Lumpur, of all places.

"Ui Ui, I'm home," Meimei said as they appeared at her living room, "Can you make us some tea, please?"

A white haired boy greeted them & nodded as he ran off to the kitchen.

"Please make yourself comfortable," Meimei said kindly as she sat down on one of her plush sofa, "Now, care to start from the beginning?"

Kokichi Muta sat down & told them everything. From when he sold information to Geto, the binding vow until the recent event.

"I get your point & your motive, Muta," Utahime said after minutes of silence, "But that doesn't mean I agree with how you planned to execute it. We could have Shoko study you further to regenerate your body."

"We all know that she already tried. One of my puppets had come across this fake Geto & his group of unregistered special-grade curses & I knew that he had plans but I need to know the rest of it. They would probably change some of them, but all I know is that they wanted to revive Sukuna & seal you off, Gojo-sensei." Muta finished.

"But why?" Satoru mumbled, still thrown off by the information of Geto alive when he was so sure that he killed him successfully, against his will of course.

"What's this Prison Realm?" You asked, trying to pry more information since you don't want to dwell on what you have witnessed & rather plan on what's gonna happen.

"It's a cursed object that can seal anything," Utahime answered, "I'm not sure if it's something that you can nullify, Y/N, but you can look into the archive & determine how to unseal it in case their plan to seal Gojo would succeed."

"Of course not," Gojo reacted violently, his fists clenched tightly, "I'll kill them before it happens. Utahime, don't tell them everything. Just tell them that Y/N was summoned because of an unregistered special grade that Muta cannot handle since it's beyond his level."

"And what about his regeneration?" Utahime asked.

"He unknowingly entered a binding vow with the curse which he won by giving out a speck of information about my infinity technique, but nothing that jeopardizes me or anybody," Gojo answered, "He should only get a reprimand or something."

"Not a word of this to anybody, and I mean it Meimei," Gojo glared at the white-haired woman, "Not even money could save us if shit goes down, do you understand?"

"Now, now Satoru. You make me look like a heartless, greedy woman. Of course I care about my friends. My lips are sealed," She smiled sweetly before sipping on her tea, "I promise."

"Did you pick up anything on Mahito's ability?" You asked Muta, but he shook his head much to your dismay, "I only know that he can transfigure anything. He tried it on me, but I always keep my nullification ability on, so I was able to dispel him before he could even touch me, but he could hit really hard. Now I understand Kento's frustration."

That made Satoru look at you with worry on his face, but you assured him with a squeeze on his thigh, "It's nothing I couldn't handle."

Meanwhile…

Geto jumped off the creature, dragging Mahito with him.

He didn't even listen to his whines or rants & just glared at him to shut him up.

What happened today was something his body had never experienced before.

For he was not Geto anymore, he is Kenjaku in Suguru Geto's body.

He had only heard rumors that the soul is still alive somewhere, but never in his entire existence did a vessel once reacted to anybody related to it's past, except today.

His heart raced, palms sweating, body rigid, once this beautiful woman appeared from nowhere. And when their eyes locked, he felt like he'd melt right then & there. But he knew it was not him but the body or rather in Mahito's terms, "The Soul" that was reacting.

Y/N L/N, Suguru Geto's one true love - The One That Got Away.

Things just got interesting. Regardless if the school knows that Suguru Geto is not dead, their plan would still push forward. He'd seal Satoru Gojo, merge Tengen into a human body & force humanity into an evolution of new species.

AN : I had to save him. Huhu. I needed Kokichi Muta to live at least in my AU. No lemons this time cause this story has to progress. Haha. I already made disclaimers so I need to follow through before I get another writer's block.

[matan4il]

I saw you trying to educate someone in your replies. Bless you and your patience. And chag Purim sameach!

Thank you so much for the kind message, and chag Purim sameach right back!

I wish I could tell you that I succeeded with that person. But I eventually came to realize they were never honest about their intention to eduacte themselves. I believe in having an open, respectful dialogue with anyone willing to have that, but I also wrote here that I think it is okay to sometimes come to the conclusion, that our time and energy is being wasted, and to protect ourselves. I'm gonna detail a few of the reasons why I came to the conclusion that this person wasn't as well meaning as they tried to come across, hopefully this helps someone else...

-> The most basic thing is that they derailed the conversation on the post they commented on. That post was specifically about the way that 'land back' movements are not vilified when it comes to other marginalized groups, returning to their ancestral lands, but it is when it comes to Jews. That person couldn't prove that there isn't a discriminatory treatment of the Jewish 'land back' movement, so they tried instead to justify the discrimination, by dragging the conversation in any possible anti-Israel direction. At first, on the off chance that maybe they really did wanna educate themselves, I went along with it. But generally speaking, someone derailing a conversation, or trying to justify anti-Jewish discrimination, is not acting in good faith. We shouldn't have to cover the entirety of the Israeli-Arab conflict and Jewish history in the Middle East, every time we wanna make one point about Jews being discriminated.

-> That person confessed that they got on my blog, because of my eSims post, which they somehow characterized (at different times) both as "brilliantly researched" and "biased and uninformed." Now, beyond the fact that this self-contradiction doesn't make sense, and while I never claimed to have all the answers, that post is more researched than 99.9% of the Tumblr posts about eSims for Gaza. So, someone who has done zero research into it, and then calls my post "biased and uninformed" is showing bias themselves. On top of that, most of my points were backed by fact checked sources, such as that journalists in Gaza are linked to Hamas. This person just dismissed it, as if it were an opinion or my own personal bias, instead of an established fact, repeatedly demonstrated. A person who ignores the facts is a waste of time to talk to.

-> This person claimed they were "called to care" on Oct 7, and that they were trying to educate themselves since, with the best of intentions. But I found two things troubling about this claim when I had a look at their blog. First, I found several posts with a clear stand on this conflict going as far back as 2015, including a post glorifying Palestinian terrorists. If they feel the need to lie about where they're coming from, their intentions are not as good as they try to present them. Second, I found zero posts showing any care about Israelis and Jews. Nothing about the massacre, no post of sympathy for the victims or survivors, nothing about the rapes carried out by Hamas, or the hostages still kept in Gaza, and not a word about the global rise in antisemitism. If someone claims they have been "called to care," but shows no care for Israelis or Jews, they do not care about human lives lost anywhere as much as they claim to.

-> This person claimed to have looked at sources from both sides of the conflict, but somehow everything they said only echoed the anti-Israel narrative, and every source they quoted is known for having an anti-Israel or "classic" antisemitic bias. When I linked to sources showing that, not only were the fact checked links I offered dismissed, someone were used "as proof" against me, as if pointing out that there are certain organizations with a track record of distorting facts to fuel allegations against Israel is no reflection on those organizations, it reflects on me, for calling it out. If someone has an issue with antisemitism being called out, there's a good chance it's because they're guilty of it themselves. If someone is being dismissive of sources that you took the time and energy to find for them, without offering good proof why, they're not worth your time and energy.

-> Also about sources. I pointed out to this person that there is a lot of "social media propaganda" that's very anti-Israel, and that to educate themselves, they have to research and dig in beyond such sources. They claimed one of their biased sources can't qualify, because they've never seen it quoted on social media. That's a really lame excuse, 'coz even if they personally haven't, it doesn't mean that's not how that source is used. But worse, I found they reblogged a post that quoted that source on their blog, so that's another blatant lie.

-> This person insisted on wanting me to "admit" that they're not antisemitic, and therefore I have to take their POV into account. First, even if they weren't antisemitic, they can still be incredibly ignorant, still leaving their POV as one that isn't valid. You can be completely devoid of antisemitism, and believe the world is flat, but I know it isn't, and so I have no intention of taking your POV into account. But more inportantly, for someone insisting they're not antisemitic, they sure as hell said a lot of antisemitic things. Here's a couple:

They tokenized "my dear Jewish friends" who were a part of the anti-Zionist minority of Jews. Friendly reminder, this is an antisemitic act, just like, for example, tokenizing the minority of homophpbic gay people.

They claimed they really care about and love Jews, including pro-Israel Jews, but nothing about their speech or blogging behavior showed this claim to be true.

They claimed to "admire Jewish history," and that this is why they're so critical of it. So, let me make it clear, that claiming to love Jews so much, that it "explains" discriminating them, by holding them up to standards that no one else is required to meet... is justifying discrimination against Jews. Plain and simple. Again. On a post that was against discrimination of Jews in the first place. It's a bit like harassing a black guy for being a math nerd rather than a basketball player, and then claiming it's just because "I admire black people's atheleticism so much." It's racism. The whole anti-Israel narrative this person was spewing is doubly racist. It is the racism of low expectations when it comes to the Palestinians, which absolves them from any moral responsibility for anything they do, even things that have nothing to do with the conflict, like when the UN claimed Palestinian husbands beating their own wives was Israel's fault. And at the same time, there's the racism of high expectations towards Jews, where we're set up to fail by holding us up to standards that no one else meets. Like how, Israel's ratio of civilian casualties in this war is actually better than the NATO average and global average, it might be even better than the one officially reported, but we're still condemned as if we're the world's biggest monster, while regimes that kill their own people by the hundreds of thousands are treated better.

They repeated more than one antisemitic conspiracy theory, for example when claiming that their issue with the IDF is that it's the source of police brutality in the US. IDK what I rolled my eyes at more, the repetition of a lie debunked multiple times over the years, or not even being capable of distinguishing the Israeli army from Israeli police. Like... at least try to grasp the basic logic of the antisemitic lie you're spreading!

Not once did this person explicitly recognize the history and rights of Jews in Israel as natives.

I really hope this helps in some way. Hope you're doing good and taking care of yourself, lovely! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[crusty-chronicles]

Not So Bad (Hiei x Apprentice Reader)

Part 1

Synopsis: The gang find a small, frazzled reader after being sent to stop a demon trafficking ring. Upon arriving to the location, they quickly realized everyone was dead, everyone except you. Reader is taken in and becomes attached to a particular demon with three eyes.

An: maybe it's because I've recently watched Nimona, but I absolutely live for the 'Scruffy Hard-ass man going soft and adopting a daughter' trope. Might explain my obsession with Dilfs 💀

*****************

When Yusuke originally took this case on for Koenma, he thought it'd be a little like when they went to rescue Yukina from Terukinae. But he was quickly proven wrong the deeper they all went into the estate.

It was supposed to be a simple mission. Stop some rich assholes from trafficking demons in order to keep the peace between Demon World and The World of the Living.

There was just so much blood.

The coppery smell was so strong even Kurama with his advanced senses couldn't pick up on anything else. And the bodies, God the bodies. It seemed like everyone they came across was horribly mutilated.

Like everybody was already dead before they got there.

Hiei used his Jagan to try to find any survivors, but even he struggled to locate any life energy.

Then they all heard a noise.

A small scuttling sound, but it was there, and as they turned a corner they saw a smaller being leaning against the wall.

Said being was caked in a crimson liquid. In their hands was a small dagger. And they looked...scared?

"What the hell happened here?" Yusuke mumbled out, catching the demon's(?) attention.

They immediately tensed up and held their weapon out in front of them.

"Did you do this?" Yusuke tried a little softer and took a step forward.

"Stay back! Just stay away from me!" They were shaking now as they jutted out the dagger a little more. Judging from the sound of their voice, they were pretty young.

A scared demon was never a good sign.

Kurama, the least intimidating looking, thought he'd have a little more success calming them down. He gestured for Yusuke to back away.

"We're not here to hurt you. We just want to know what happened here, if you'd be so willing to tell us?" His words did little to relax the frazzled demon, but at least they didn't make you any more scared.

"We shouldn't be wasting our time with this. We should just kill them since they've clearly shown themselves as a threat," Hiei commented.

Your eyes widened and the stiff pose you had became aggressive.

"Please just go away! I don't wanna hurt anyone else, so please just leave!" You were near tears by this point.

"Way to go Hiei, you made em' worse," Kuwabara grumbled.

"Giving them sympathy will make it easier for them to kill you."

Kurama blocked out their bickering in favor of taking a tentative step towards the now teary-eyed demon.

"So you did do this?"

They pointed their dagger in his direction.

"They did it first! They always-! They always-!" The demon shook their head as if trying to clear it. "They always hurt me first." Their voice lowered, along with their guard.

Kurama took another step forward.

"You were their prisoner, correct? Well, you're safe now. We came here to help by order of Spirit World. Do you know what that is?"

Another step.

The small demon nodded, weapon lowered slightly. But they didn't get aggressive as Kurama neared.

A good sign.

"We promise we won't hurt you. Don't mind what Hiei says, you were just trying to protect yourself, weren't you? It'll be okay, just let us help."

They didn't notice the plant blooming behind them, much less the sleep toxin it produced. But what they did notice was their eyes getting droopy. They struggled to take in the fox demon's words, Kurama's voice lulling them to sleep.

★★★★

You awoke on a surprisingly comfortable surface. Opening your eyes, you found yourself in an unfamiliar room. The last thing you remembered was the red headed demon....

You shot up from the soft surface and scooched back until you were flush against the wall. Sure enough, there was that same demon along with the other ginger haired boy.

Were they going to kill you after all?

You stared with scared eyes at the two of them.

"Did you have a good rest?" The red haired one asked.

You looked around the small room, trying to find the other two from before. They didn't seem to be here. Your frightened eyes met the fox demon's.

You shook slightly as you spoke.

"Where am I?"

The human was the one who decided to answer your question.

"My house. You're lucky my sister doesn't mind letting you stay here for now."

You tilted your head in confusion.

"House?"

He lived here? They brought you to a home. Not a cell.

The human nodded.

"Yeah. Which reminds me, are ya hungry?"

Your guard lowered just a smidge, back moving slightly away from the wall. You were not expecting this. Shelter and food? There had to be a catch. No humans were ever this kind to you.

"Why?"

They both seemed a little caught off guard by your question.

"What do you mean 'why'? Did you think we would just leave you there or something? We're not like those other guys that locked you up, got it!"

You flinched away as the human pointed his finger out. He looked between himself and you, concern etched into his face.

"Geez, what did they do to you?"

You shook your head rapidly. You didn't want to think about that right now. You didn't want to remember everything that happened.

"Perhaps we should give them some time before we question them." Kurama could see your discomfort start to rise. It was best to let you relax and take your time adjusting. Whatever had set you off before they found you, he wanted to make sure never happened again.

Spirit World would not be so lenient if you happened to act out again.

"Now then, how about we get you fed and cleaned up, little one?"

★★★★

With a little more coaxing, you had completely lowered your guard and followed the duo deeper into the house.

True to their word, you were sat at a table with a plate of something placed in front of you. The scent coming from it was sweet and it's shape a circle.

How bizarre

You lifted one of them up to get a better sniff. You couldn't smell any poison. At least, none of which you were familiar with.

Carefully, you took a bite.

This....

This was heavenly.

The next few seconds were of you stuffing your face with the remainder of the food on your plate. It was a funny sight to see.

You ate using purely your hands, the utensils left out going untouched. You also didn't chew after your first bite. Each pancake practically being swallowed whole. They only stopped you when you went to eat the plate because 'they're both circles, so they should both taste the same.'

"Hey! You'll die if you eat that!" The human scolded. He yoinked the plate out of your hands before you could bite down.

You frowned up at him and made grabby gestures with your hands. His resolve broke almost immediately.

"Okay, okay! I'll make you some more. Don't cry."

And a part of you softened at his unintentional words.

Don't cry

They didn't want you to be upset.

Maybe they didn't want to hurt you after all.

You felt something soft being wiped across your face. Looking to your left, you saw the fox demon with a piece of white cloth.

"You're a messy one, aren't you?" There was something teasing in his tone. Despite that, his eyes showed nothing but kindness.

You let him wipe your face once more before speaking.

"Where are the other two?"

You weren't too scared of the greasy one, but the other demon.... He made you weary. He did say they should've killed you.

"Yusuke went to inform the ruler of Spirit World about what happened. And Hiei," there was a slight pause as if the fox were thinking of something.

"Hiei returned back to Demon World since he has no obligation to stay anymore."

You were back to frowning. Maybe a small part of you thought it was unfair you couldn't return home too.

"He was the one who wanted me dead." Your voice was quiet.

"Don't mind him, he's just a big jerk!" The human shouted from his place at the stove. Your mood lightened slightly.

He was just a jerk. Yeah. He wasn't evil, just mean. And if all four of them weren't like the others, then you supposed you could trust them.

At least for now.

"I remember my name from before." You mumbled.

"Do you mind telling us then? I'd be nice to have something to call you while we wait for further orders." The fox encouraged.

You decided then you liked these two. They were nice. They didn't hurt you. And now that you thought about it, your previous wounds were all healed.

"I'm Y/n."

★★★★

After a lengthy discussion with Koenma, (which was really Yusuke making the case that you were just a kid who had probably been tortured beyond belief) it was decided that you'd be under the group's care to ensure no further harm was caused.

They were to make sure you never killed another human, lest you risk the wrath of King Yamma.

You would be swapped around between the four of them to enforce this policy. And even though the threat of what you did was still very much fresh in their minds, they just couldn't believe that you'd do it again.

When Yusuke watched you, you were always laughing at his stupid jokes. Always smiling when he'd pick you up onto his shoulders to carry you wherever he went. Always embarrassed when he would brag to the moms at the park.

"My kid's better than yours. They don't bite and pick their nose." Followed by offended gasp from the mothers.

When Kurama watched you, you would tell him everything that happened that day or the day before. You'd seek him out for comfort if you had nightmares and woke up crying. You would hold his hand when something startled you.

"It's okay little one, nothing will ever harm you again."

When Kuwabara was with you, you were babied and spoiled. Always out shopping for new clothes and shoes because 'You've grown an inch since the last time. We can't have you wearing clothes that are too small for you.' Always feeding you and watching your eyes light up when he slipped you a piece of candy. You'd always let him ruffle your hair and beam when he praised you.

"Look at you! You're all skin and bones, Did Yusuke even bother to feed you!?! You're lucky you have an awesome brother like me to take care of ya!"

And Hiei...

When Hiei would watch you, he would simply observe you from the trees. He'd watch you sit in silence and pluck the grass. He'd watch you startle at any noise that was too loud. You never talked to him, never asked anything, never looked him directly in the eye.

You were always silent and scared.

"What a pathetic excuse of a demon."

The conclusion drawn by all four: you weren't a threat to anybody. You'd had a slip up, but it was out of fear rather than aggression. You were completely harmless.

★★★★

Out of the four of them, Hiei couldn't give a damn about you at all. He didn't understand the other's softness. He understood their sympathy, but not why they bothered keeping you around. The mission was over and the observation was complete.

You were weak and skiddish. Afraid of your own shadow and any new faces. Too pathetic to even be called a demon. Too frail to ever lift a weapon and strike.

You were no longer their responsibility.

Just a burden. One that he would not worry about anymore.

Or at least that was what he told himself until the responsibility was once again forced upon him.

Yusuke had a special mission for Spirit World that he just couldn't get out of.

Kurama was having family over that would surely be suspicious of the smaller being attached to his hip.

Kuwabara was being forced to attend some out of state event with his sister.

All of these events would take a week at the least, and a month at worst.

Which left Hiei....

The demon who momentarily thought to dump you off at Genkai's.

It was thanks to that damn Detective's taunt that he hadn't.

"What's wrong three-eyes? Can't look after a kid for a few days? Scared because they're stronger than you?"

And damn his pride for falling for it. But even though he was forced to care for you, he would not be forced to stay in the human world when he did it.

You would come to Demon World with him so he could fulfill his proper duties.

★★★★

He half listened to Kuwabara's rant of what you could and couldn't eat. That oaf was too attached to you.

He didn't pay any attention when Yusuke told him what would make you smile and laugh. What possible reason did he have for remembering that?

But he did listen when Kurama pulled him aside to talk before he left.

"Their safety is the first priority. Do not let anything happen to them." There was a flicker of gold in his eyes. You had too much importance in their lives.

He took off with you the day after. But not without giving a warning of 'If you're too weak to keep up, I won't come back for you.'

You nodded, but kept silent. At least he wouldn't have to worry about listening to any idiotic ramblings.

The journey to Demon World was quiet. Too quiet, with the occasional sound of your missteps behind the three eyed demon. Not a word was spoken. If he hadn't felt your presence besides him, he would have assumed you weren't there.

Good.

You wouldn't be snot nosed brat and give him trouble.

But as the two of you reached the entrance, the lingering silence was disrupted.

"I haven't been home in a long time...Do you think my friends will remember me?"

It might've been the first words you ever spoke directly to Hiei. They were soft but hopeful. And if he had been anyone else, he would've assured you. Would've let you carry on the conversation and engaged.

But he wasn't.

And truthfully, your question irked him. Didn't you know it was survival of the fittest here? And friends? Demons didn't have friends. You were a naive dope who wouldn't make it five seconds by yourself.

"They're probably all dead if they're anything like you." Weak like you.

You didn't speak anymore after that.

You looked upset, but didn't cry. You just continued to follow Hiei to Mukuro's territory.

★★★★

You'd forgotten how thick the air was here. How tense it felt with the spirit energies clashing for dominance. You wished you'd stayed behind at the strong old lady's house now. Home didn't really feel like home anymore with the amount of time you spent in the world of the living.

Not only that, but you were in a foreign place with a demon who you were also unfamiliar with.

It wasn't exactly your fault. Hiei had never really been welcoming to you. He'd never really been nice either. You figured it was best to stay out of his way and vice versa. And maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't want to kill you anymore.

Maybe he'd be a little nicer.

But it just felt like he hated you even more for sticking around.

You looked up at the makeshift building he led you in. It was huge with walls that seemed to stretch forever. It made sense, you supposed, for a former Demon King to still be so well off. And while a compound like this housed many demons, you never felt more alone with your own kind.

One familiar face that belonged to a stranger.

You didn't like it here.

But you couldn't voice that opinion. You didn't want Hiei to think any less of you than he already did. Because then, the others might start to hate you too. So you sucked it up and persevered.

You stood right next to the three eyed demon as he conversed with Mukuro. Both of them catching up on the current events surrounding the Maki Barrier, and how to decrease the amount of humans trickling in. You'd never seen him this friendly before. The scowl that you thought was permanent had practically vanished.

He really did hate you, didn't he?

"So who's this little one? A new recruit?" Mukuro lightly jested.

There was a scoff before Hiei answered.

"A nuisance that I'm unfortunately stuck with. They're of no help here, so try to ignore them."

"Don't be so crass. I'd expect you to be kinder considering you have a little sister of your own." The former ruler scolded.

You hardly registered she kneeled down in front of you until she started talking. She most likely wanted to address you eye to eye.

"What is your name, if you don't mind me asking?"

You almost answered, but you thought against it. You'd only be here for a few days. After that you were never coming back here. You'd jump into the arms of whoever was back first and let them comfort you. Be able to feel safe and content again.

"Don't feel like talking? Well that's alright. Can you fight?"

You shook your head.

"No? Then it's best you stay here for the time being while we're gone. We have important work to do and it'd be a shame to be distracted. Can you fend for yourself, or do you need a guard accompanying you?"

You raised a finger up, signaling the first option. She smiled at you before getting up. And when you looked over towards the other demon, you could see him scowling again.

"We'll be off, let's go." Mukuro ordered.

Hiei let her go for a second before addressing you.

"Stay put. I won't go looking for you if you disappear. And stay out of trouble."

You didn't understand why he had to be so mean all the time. Nevertheless, you nodded. Sitting up against the wall and watching him head off.

Now you truly were alone.

Perhaps if you had one of those rectangular human devices, you'd be able to communicate with Kurama. Ask for advice on what you should do here. Or just convince him to come get you.

Maybe you could've convinced Yusuke to take you with him. At least then you'd be laughing the whole time. You wouldn't feel as small as you did now.

You should've asked Kuwabara to stay with you. He probably would have folded immediately. But you didn't want to do that. He wanted to spend time with his own flesh and blood. Who were you to take that from him?

You shook the thoughts from your head. There was nothing you could do about it now. You'd just have to wait things out.

And wait them out you did.

For hours.

Watching the daylight slowly dwindle down.

Just how long had you been waiting?

Your eyes drifted shut.

"Hey! Hey brat! Wake up!"

They snapped open at the sound of an unfamiliar voice. You were met with the sight of a group of demons. Hostile demons. Who lifted you up by the collar of your shirt.

"You're Hiei's pet, aren't you? One of the ones who saves those filthy humans instead of feasting on them? The disgraceful bastard."

Your first instinct was to call for help. But you knew nobody would hear you here. Nobody would care. So you struggled and kicked your legs.

"Quit it! Why don't we show that traitor what happens when you go against the natural order of things?"

The other surrounding demons laughed and nodded vigorously.

★★★★

A whole day. Hiei spent the whole day out there sending humans back through the barrier. A whole day dealing with those idiots and erasing their memories.

Maybe he should have let you come. It had to be the most irksome and repetitive task he's ever done. Simple and easy.

And maybe he had been a little cruel with you. But you were a demon. You shouldn't be acting like a wimp. You needed to grow up and deal with it. Softness only led to injury here.

Which reminded him....

Where the hell were you?

You weren't at the spot he left you at. Didn't he tell you not to move. Why of all times you chose to be disobedient, he didn't know. You always did what you were told. So why now were you being a brat and hiding.

He undid the bandage on his forehead and opened his Jagan, using it to search the compound for you. Room by room, hallway by hallway.

But he couldn't sense you.

And only then did ice run through his veins. You weren't here. He left you and told you to stay put, and now you were gone.

Did you run away?

No, you loved the others. You'd want a way to go back to them.

Did you leave to find him?

No, you didn't like Hiei as far as he knew.

So what could it be?

What could have possibly explained your disappearance?

Were you taken?

No.

That couldn't be it. Because if it was, he was screwed.

It would be his fault.

Whatever the hell had happened to you...

If you were dead or injured, it was his fault.

And he knew the others would never forgive him for it. Hell, he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if your body was found somewhere. He said he would watch over you. He gave his word you would come back unharmed.

You were just a child.

And if you were dead....

He made his way outside and used his Jagan to search for any trace of you. Anything that would give him a clue to where you were. He got wind of a spike of spirit energy.

His body already on the move towards it. And in his third eye, he saw you screaming. He pushed his limits as far as they would go to get there faster.

★★★★

He didn't know what to expect when he got there. But it wasn't this. A sight he never thought he'd see again.

You were splattered with blood, but alive. The demons around you were dead or on the verge of it. You were backed against a tree with your dagger jutted out. Tears streaming down your face while you shook uncontrollably.

He tried to approach you, but you just cried harder and curled in on yourself. Mind so frantic, you didn't recognize him. Or maybe you did and you just didn't want him near you.

He really shouldn't have been that cruel to you.

There was nothing he could do about that now. He needed to bring you back, but as he took another step towards you, you lashed out at him.

Taking a precise swing he barley avoided. A warning to keep back. Just like the one you gave back at that trafficking ring. You were cutthroat like this. Fear making you stronger.

Despite his reluctance, he used his Jagan to put you to sleep. The only other option besides knocking you out. You'd been through enough today. Kurama would deal with the rest. You liked him the best anyways.

He picked you up carefully and quickly made his way back towards the barrier. The sooner you got out of here, the better it was for everyone.

What was it that detective said? Try to make you laugh? He couldn't do that. He doubted you would have listened anyways if he tried.

The oaf! What was it about you and food? You liked the sweet concoctions the humans made. The ones that would turn your teeth to dust. But there was no way you would ever take anything from him.

And Kurama? He was incapable of showing the same softness that fox did. Of being that vulnerable. He had a feeling he'd just make it worse.

The only thing he could do now was keep you under until he reached Genkai's little shack. Then he'd be able to get Kurama to deal with you.

The small home was in sight. He pushed himself a little further as the sun peaked over the mountains. Making rapid knocks against the door frame until it slid open.

"What do we have here? I don't suppose you're here to see Yukina?" The old lady greeted.

Then she noticed the frantic state Hiei was in. The stoic demon had lost his composure. And in his arms was a smaller being who looked to be having nightmares.

"Whatever you did, good luck explaining that to the other three boys."

★★★★

Kurama was furious to say the least upon spying Hiei outside. You weren't with him, which meant one thing.

"What happened?" Emerald eyes flashing an eerie golden.

"I'll explain on the way. They aren't harmed physically, but I...I don't know how to handle this."

That was all it took for the fox demon to rush over. Eyes falling on your curled up form when he got there with Hiei following suit.

Puu had you enveloped in his feathers. Making soft cooing sounds at you while you thrashed in your sleep. Trying to calm you down. He was part of Yusuke's soul after all.

The Phoenix hissed as Hiei and Kurama approached.

"It's okay. Let me help them, then they're all yours until Yusuke gets back." Kurama coaxed, inching towards where you were sleeping.

Puu begrudgingly sat still and let him get closer. A type of flower bloomed from Kurama. He held it up to your nose, and all at once your body went limp. Relaxing against the nightmares that plagued your mind.

He lightly moved around your face, checking for any injuries. There were none. He released you and let Puu tuck you back in.

The next few days the process would repeat. Kurama would soothe you whenever you started thrashing around in your sleep. And Hiei would watch from the side, guilt starting to consume him.

You didn't deserve this.

You had never done anything to directly spite him.

And the one time you tried to talk to him, he dismissed you.

He was only hard on you because he wanted you to stop being weak. He wanted you to be strong and stop getting scared by everything. Turns out you were just scared of him.

When you awoke a few more days later, Kurama pushed for him to leave. To give you some space to adjust. And while he physically left the room, he still kept his Jagan on you.

"Are you okay?" Kurama asked.

You shook your head and started crying. You were pulled into a hug by the fox demon. Sobbing into his stomach as you remembered what happened.

"If you want, I can make those bad memories disappear. If you don't want to see them anymore, then you don't have to."

And you shook your head once again.

"I-hiccup- don't wanna forget. I don't like what happened, but forgetting is even worse!" Your words barley comprehensible, but understood nevertheless.

"Okay. Just try to relax for now. Kuwabara and Yusuke will be back soon."

That seemed to calm you down for the time being.

And it was then Hiei realized you were not as weak as he had previously thought. You were bearing the burden of what happened. Something that you didn't even verbalize to Kurama. You'd also managed to defeat all those demons by yourself without being injured. Your power unpredictable than what you'd been showing these past few months.

He doubted you would forgive him, but if you did, then he would train you to protect yourself. Give you better control of your strength so you'd be ready if this ever happened again. It would never happen again.

Maybe then this awful feeling would finally go away. The feeling that had him lingering here instead of attending to his duties in the Demon World. The one that made him feel like scum everytime he caught sight of you.

★★★★

Safe to say, Yusuke and Kuwabara were not happy when they got back. Both fussing over you with the former wrestling you away from his spirit beast.

"What happened? Whose ass do I have to kick?!?!"

You shook your head and looked away from him. It was just like when they had first met you. All that progress of having you come out of your shell gone.

"You don't look so great. How about I take you back to mine and I'll cook you up a big dinner? You can take all the blankets if you want, too."

But despite Kuwabara's encouragement, you still shook your head.

"Wanna stay here. It's safe." You finally responded.

"You sure?"

You nodded this time.

You really didn't feel safe being out in the open again. And you had no doubt Hiei already told them it was all your fault. He was probably waiting to chew you out for not staying put.

"Well in that case, guess I'm sleeping over. What about you?" Kuwabara's question directed at the greasy haired boy.

"My mom won't give a damn either way. I'm good to be here for a few days. Which reminds me...."

He pulled a small penguin plushie from his bag.

"I got this for you, you little squirt. Hug it tight and it'll get rid of all your nightmares."

You took the toy from his hand and immediately squeezed it in a hug. It took all of about five seconds before you started crying.

"Hey! What's wrong!?!?"

"I love it so-hiccup-much!!!"

You were bonked softly on the back of your head.

"You had me going for a second...Now, give me names and addresses. Somebody needs to pay for making my kid cry."

"I'm with ya, Urameshi! Let's teach em' a lesson!"

You were finally able to crack a smile after that.

★★★★

So it began again. The three of them volunteering to stay with you while you rested at Genkai's. A certain three eyed demon watching from afar. No longer upset by your presence, but worried.

You were okay now, but if something like that happened again, Spirit World would surely do something about it. You were already under enough scrutiny as it was.

Right now, you were currently conversing with Yukina, of all people. Both of you talking in hushed tones.

"It's nice to have another person around. Genkai's nice, but it's not the same."

You nodded at her words.

"Yeah, I like the others but they can be rowdy at times. It's nice talking."

You decided you liked her.

But her eyes looked familiar. Like Hiei's.

But there was no way.

Right?

"Why did you leave the demon world? Don't you miss your family?" You asked.

"I left to find my brother. He was cast into the sea by our people. As for them, well... They were too set in their ways. Hearts as cold and frozen as our land. I didn't want to be apart of that anymore."

You put a hand on her shoulder.

"Oh. I'm sorry for asking."

Yukina smiled at you with a soft expression.

"Don't be. That chapter of my life is closed now. Though I do still hope to come across my brother one day... What about you? Where is your family?"

"I was taken from them by some humans a few decades back. They trapped me and...It wasn't pleasant, what they did to me. But they're gone now. That part of my life is closed too. Now I'm beginning again with people who treat me with so much kindness, it feels like I'm dreaming."

You two had more in common than Hiei would have liked.

He really shouldn't have been so cruel to you.

It was decided. He was going to train you. Maybe swallow his pride and apologize.

It wouldn't be easy convincing the others, but he was going to try. The first obstacle was Kuwabara. That oaf wouldn't let him near you without a fight. And while he understood, it was for your own good.

"N-O! The answer is no. Last time we left you alone with them, they were kidnapped!!!"

"They need to get stronger."

"No they don't! We'll protect them from anything that happens!"

"You weren't there the last time."

It was like arguing with a brick wall. Eventually it circled back to him and Yusuke being the ones that would train you. To which Hiei brought up the point they'd be too soft with you. They'd hold back and go easy.

It was enough.

The next obstacle was Yusuke. Whose first response was to fight at the suggestion. Another troublesome task to deal with.

"You didn't even like them a few weeks ago! Why the hell should we trust you again!!!"

"You can check up on them."

"Like that puts me at ease! You'd be too rough with them! They're just a little kid!"

And Hiei has to bring up the point of your power going unchecked. If spirit world found out about this, you'd probably be executed. But if you learned to control yourself, that possibility would never happen. If you got stronger, you wouldn't get hurt.

It didn't take much convincing after that.

The final obstacle was Kurama, who would be the hardest to convince without consequences.

"Let me train them."

He received a glare in response.

"No."

Flat and simple.

"They need guidance."

"You couldn't guarantee their safety upon arrival. Am I supposed to believe you won't scar them further?"

He offered up the only thing he had left.

"My life. You have my life they'll be safe with me."

"Very well, but it's not me you have to convince."

It was you.

And when he approached you, you looked down and silenced yourself. Tensing up like he was going to yell at you.

"Have you recovered?" It sounded more like a command than question.

But you nodded anyways.

He used to like how quiet you were. Now he despised it.

"For five months you will train nonstop. You will get ahold of your spirit energy. And you will be capable enough to defend yourself without crying. Do you understand?"

But this time you did say something in return. Something unexpected.

"No. I don't want to go."

He had never been nice to you before. Never wanted to spend time with you. So you were suspicious. And maybe you secretly believed he left you on purpose for those other demons to find. That he set you up in the hopes you'd be dead when he got there.

You squeezed the penguin you were given. It really did calm you down.

You didn't want to give him a chance anymore.

"It's for your benefit, not mine." And he internally cringed at what was to come next.

"I apologize for my behavior, let me do what's right."

If anyone besides you heard that, he'd kill them. But for now he was awaiting your response.

You tilted your head as you thought of what to say. This was different. Hiei never apologized for anything. Least of all you. And you were sure this is the most you two have ever talked.

"Are you really sorry?" You still didn't believe him quite yet.

"Yes." And he further swallowed down his pride for your trust.

"And you won't be mean anymore?"

"Yes."

You took a deep breath.

"Okay."

★★★★

[hypergamiss]

I’m getting over my I hate men phase. Never really been in a relationship but I have a hard time forming positive thoughts around men just because of all the crimes against women and I know it’s going to hurt me in the long run. Any advice?

I think this phase is extremely common, especially after consistent bad experiences. I really only got into this phase once and then I decided that only I have control over my own life. I didn't want to give a bad experience or a bad man some power over my emotions and how I felt about men. The first thing I did was immediately take accountability and decide that I was at fault for ignoring the signs that would have otherwise saved me. This may sound harsh, but with time you can forgive yourself as well. I realized that I stuck around longer than I should have in the past and shouldn't have been so naive to give someone the benefit of the doubt. From there on I decided that I would be strict about the men I would entertain and my whole perspective on them flipped upside down. I left at the first sign every time a man showed me he wasn't worth my time. Ruthlessly. In doing that, I also made room for only the men who have given me top-tier treatment. Even they are flawed, just like anyone else, but since then I have never been put in an uncomfortable position. These are the type of men that never argue, they will discuss things calmly and be gentle with you. They are mature enough to sit through an entire conversation even if they know they are wrong and most times admit to their wrongdoing. If you decide to part ways, they tend to make sure you're taken care of because they take pride in that and understand that women are gold. How could I not love men at this point? If we don't work out, there's no hard feelings. And I don't feel like I've wasted my time and energy when I'm being treated so well. It's the wrong type of men (duties) who truly drain women to a point of no return!!

[warsamongthestars]

ONTO TBB - POST-SERIES

I am going to need to sit down, and go through all of the show, and I hope to (energy providing). Mostly to make a review, or series of reviews. Produce a few what-ifs. Someone might want the fanfic inspiration.

( I hope, I'm not going to promise because I am bad at energy, and I'm not going to promise things until I can actually deliver. So let's just say I want to do it, but we'll see if it happens or not. )

Look, I still dont' want to rain on people's parades this close after the Finale, so read at ye own risk. Lots of critical down below.

I would call the TBBshow a waste of time. But its not a waste of time, the reason being is that, I have dedicated an enormous amount of energy, to tearing this show into pieces. It soothes and enflames the rage that lies in my heart.

( Remember, I do love Star Wars, and I love the Clone Wars. And Anger and Fury are what happens when something you love, or something you cherish and care about, gets hurt very badly. And I find that the TBBshow is both the weapon and wound. But its a weapon I can turn against itself. And it is a wound I can remedy. )

Now for my bit thoughts on the finale, and bit thoughts on the show itself.

They're just big bits, because when I want to really tear into the little issues of this show, I will go molecule-by-molecule, atom-by-atom when I do.

I am going to be the fucking Saturday morning cartoon villain, with suit and cape and evil laughs, about it.

So...

One). Fifth Enhanced Clone and Omega wasn't it, remember? You remember that from the first Finale?

I remember. The show didn't.

I 'd like to think it was Emerie. It points it that. But even now, I have doubts.

Because what was the point.

They oh so twittered about Emerie, and that didn't end up much--and I'd know because the biggest TBB Fans here haven't talked jack about her. That's how good her character is.

Just listen to the silence and all those crickets.

Two). Remember how this was supposed to be the Republic becoming the Empire?

They didn't act like it, did they. You could place these scenes in the Clone Wars, and y'know, it would not only still make sense--it would be more pointed on how the Republic had always been the Empire underneath.

Because you don't get the evil of an entire instellar Empire out of nowhere. That just doesn't happen in stories that have any depth.

If it does happen, you're reading a kindergarten story then.

( ... Frankly the kindergarten story would prolly tell it better, honestly. )

THree). They killed Tech, and CX-2 meant nothing.

You can't tell me they didn't have time, because they spent 3 seasons bullshiting and then at the last minute went "Oh shit, we're supposed to have a plot! Uhhh THORW SOMETHING AT THE WALL AND WE'LL SEE WHAT STICKS"

They knew full well how much fucking time they were alloted, because TV time always allows at least 3 seasons unless you have fucked up that royally.

It is by Contract. They Knew, and they still Bullshitted.

They murdered Tech for Shock Value. Oh someone is going to say "But George Lucas didn't Like Tech--so it made sense to kill him!"

I know they're going to say it.

If they didn't want Tech, then they shouldn't have created him. If you didn't want the Apple Pie, you shouldn't have made the damn Universe. When you introduce a vital character, a main character, people are going to care about them, especially upon character development.

So when you kill that character for Shock value, and then made that value meaningless by lack of conversation and perceived impact, then all you've done is spat in the face of everyone who cared about him--who might've identified with him--or felt that they needed a fictional example of grief--or fucking hells, just WANTED TO HAVE CHARACTER IN YOUR FUCKING CHARACTERS.

Tech was the point where my fires started. He was the point, where I realized, there was no hope in this show. Can't repair the character dynamics, can't do anything of significance now.

And by their refusal to allow the characters communication and grief, they stamped Tech into the dirt by the heels of their imperial boots.

CX-2 had all this development, for fuck all. What was the point of the CXs if they weren't going to do jack with them.

Four). Spent an awful lot of time shitting on other ideas.

Every possible guest character that could appear, did appear, and it took away from the story. Worse, it took away from Authors, and Game Makers, and spat all over them with a "Haha this is OUR CANON NOW!"

Cid lost her appeal. Because it was an episodic format, and the series did not stick to an episodic format. Would've been a great minor villian, too fucking bad though.

Phee was a phenomenal character (even if I don't care for Indiana Jones / Lara Croft archetypes), and she didn't go anywhere. She stood nearby Tech, gave him a pet name, and that's it. They wasted her.

( I would say that the shippers went too hog wild--but shippers have always been hogwild. To say that they're overdoing it, means they've been underdoing it. They will go hogwild for "Nameless Twi'lek in Background". That's the beauty of the shippers. Keep shipping folks, the Empire can't take all of us out. )

They killed Scorch. Scorch, from Republic Commando, is dead now. You remember that happy go lucky guy? The one who wanted to go back for Sev?

( HE WAS MY PARTY MEMBER, GODS DAMN IT. I PLAYED THE GAME WITH HIM. )

Well. He can never go back now.

( From the bottom of my gamer heart--I felt like this was the greatest Fuck You of all time. Tech's death was already unforgivable, but this? This is as if you just executed Carth Onasi in front of me. )

( The only way they could've done worse, is if they had made a poor copycat of the deathstar as some star destroyer with a rip off of Darth Revan except he's like, the grandson of Darth Vader or something. And he like, murdered a lot of Jedi again, because they wanted to rip off the prequels... )

Why is VENTRESS EVEN THERE.

Why did we need KANAN AGAIN!?

Oh look, Rex, and... Clones... Fucking wonder what's going on there. I can't imagine that the sequel of the Clone Wars would have anything to do with Clone Wars maining Clones. Can't imagine why they might've been important for the Star Wars audience. They're just CLONES AREN'T THEY ITS NOT LIKE THE AFTER EFFECTS OF THE CLONE WARS WOULD HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH CLONES.

Completely dissed the Chip plot, for victim blaming, and all the victims paid for it. In fact, they even villianized the victims and punished them dearly. Through execution, or dismemberment.

And they just straight up murdered every villian they could get away with, for... no reason. It wasn't satisfying. It was bullshit.

The sheer audacity to fuck Echo up. He was our Audience Surrogate, on par with Ahsoka, and THIS IS WHAT THEY DID TO HIM? Made him a bit player in his own show?

Only gave Fives, one of the most important people of Echo's life, a mere throwaway mention.

Not gonna get into what they did to me boys the Bad Batch, because we'd be here all day. And I've got other things to do.

And finally, because this made me rage so fucking hard.

FIVES) The Spoken Message "Now we can be who we want to be!"

...

ARE YOU FUCKING FOR REAL. WHAT IS THIS SHOW'S MAJOR MALFUNCTION.

The Entire Point of the Bad Batch, was that they were already being who they wanted to be or who they were, since their introduction in Clone Wars. They were Unique Nonstandard Clone with Unique Abilities and excellent character (In the Clone Wars)

And suddenly the show wants to say "Oh by they weren't really being themselves--"

They didn't set that the fuck up. The TBBShow, spent the last 3 years fucking around in the ether. They had plenty of time, and they squandered it, and then they rushed jobbed like kids on final group project day.

If the "Good Soldiers Follow Orders" was the set up, then that is akin to saying "Oh don't worry about being drugged into doing something you didn't want to do, you can learn from the experience of having all your choices forced from you and against your consent, and be better from it!"

We can even take in-story!

They spent, so much time, never once talking to one another, about one another, setting up jack all. In fact, vast majority either followed Hunter's lead or ignored him, and left the Camera--there has never been any "Oh we can be who we want".

Unless you're Omega. And y'know, I tots watched a show called the Bad Batch, because I was totally clearly there for an original character not apart of the Bad Batch.

At the end of all it, I have to ask... what... story were they trying to tell exactly?

The show didn't dedicate itself to anything. It spent so long avoiding dedication that it robbed all impact, and left a constant sense of tension in every episode.

It didn't dedicate to a story. Oh it dedicated to the Rush, the New AND SHINY CONTENT--but that's it. Honestly, if they wanted the feeling of rush, they should've just dedicated themselves to Youtube Shorts, Vines and Tiktok.

I'm not here for the rush of content. I'm here for a fucking story, with characters. I have games that are decades old, I have the original Han Solo Trilogy, far before that fucking film.

And I go back, and I reread and replay, because I fucking love them. And that's what you do with something you love, you return to it constantly, its not a Fad that passes once the rush stops.

But I can only go back to the TBBshow, to take what little is good, And destroy the rest, and plant garden above the ashes.

(There are things good in this show that I want to drag out into the light and into better things. And I know, plenty of people have found that good too, and they have done the same. The sheer dedication of interpretation is a beautiful thing. )

There is no Replay Value here. By all accounts, they turned this into a throw-away show, that I guarantee, in about six months, half the fandom is going to be gone from because there's no substance here.

( I'd be shocked, but also not shocked, if it isn't, but I'm not hopeful here. )

And I'll guarantee to you, my audience, that I am going to be here with a never ending coal-fire in my chest.

Because as a lifetime Star Wars fan, from birth and unto where ever the end of my journey is, it has me--it can have my Love, or it can have my Never Ending Rage, but it has me regardless.

ADDENDUM

There are other things, believe me, I am not finished, but I wanted to get the big points down and out, to air my grievances. Twas an emotional response of sheer fucking unbelievable rage. The fires of mustafar would mean nothing in comparison to fires that lie inside. ( i'm in my darth vader arc. )

This hasn't been a waste of time... But fuck it was a Waste of Story and a waste of characters, and I will never forgive the TBBshow, for the fact that the Clone Wars lead me to love, and the TBBshow lead me to antagonizing rage.

The TBBshow story should've been a tragedy. That would've set some things to rights. If they had just, killed the team, and finally made the Empire into the tragic but villianous threat it really is, then that would've at least, made up for somethings. It wouldn't have fixed the show--S1 and S2 are still bad and no amount of good endings will fix that--but it would've been an anchor for it.

[donnerpartyofone]

don't read more

I'm just in a bad mood because I lined up all this "cool stuff" to do when I was really digging the idea of working my ass off at my ostensible favorite thing, just in time to realize that it's all been a huge waste of time and I shouldn't be doing any of it at all, and now I have to keep putting on the act of caring and trying as hard as I can for the unfortunate people who I tricked into counting on me. It will be over soon at least. Then I can redirect my energy into trying to be less full of shit.

[frickfatphobes]

Any advice for how to accept your body and it's needs for someone who's gained a significant amount weight over the past decade and a half? I wasn't always as big as I am now, when I was 20 I was around 130-150lbs but around then I started taking a medication which has lead me to steadily gaining weight to the point I am now in my mid 30s at around 410lbs last time I went to the doctor. I've read up on fat liberation and it seems pretty clear to me that losing weight is unrealistic but sometimes it's just hard to accept that this is how big I am now. I look back at pictures from back in the day and remember how easy it was getting around, how I could spend all night out and never get tired. These days I can barely go grocery shopping without becoming exhausted. I've debated getting a mobility scooter but it just sounds so defeating but deep down I have a feeling it's what my body needs. I've tried light exercise and though it's improved my mobility some I still have some trouble getting around and still need to take breaks to sit down when walking longer distances.

Sorry if this is a lot I've just been thinking about this lately my bodies just gone through much change compared to when I was younger that I'm looking for some outside input.

No need to apologize. I love receiving asks like this and I'm happy to share my thoughts! Of course I'm no expert, but I'll do my best to provide good advice based on the information you provided here.

There are many challenges that come with accepting one's body, especially when it's more than just aesthetics that are affected by a person's size or weight. Fat liberation, as fantastic as it can be at healing someone emotionally or mentally, cannot change physical or mobility-related difficulties.

I've had an experience lately that reminded me that there are many fun things I used to love doing that I can't anymore, because the world refuses to become more inclusive to accommodate people like me. And you may think that your case isn't about inclusivity, but it might be somewhat related. Maybe you could still be able to spend a whole night out if you didn't have to waste your energy looking through a million places to find one that will accommodate you, or have large or comfortable enough seats, or don't force you to park super far away from the bar or club you want to visit.

And more importantly, you never should have been taught by media or parental figures or friends that using a mobility device means you're giving in to defeat. That is internalized ableism. Regardless of a person's weight, they should never feel weak or guilty for being accommodated for, even if they "don't really need it." (If it's preventing pain or exhaustion, it actually IS a necessity.)

Now, all that being said, I'm going to do my best to give you some advice based on what I've read here. Please remember that in the end, you know yourself and your body better than anyone else does, and if any of the advice feels wrong to you, then please take it with a grain of salt.

First, I think you should absolutely consider getting a mobility aid. You don't have to use it all the time, but if it will help prevent pain or exhaustion, it's worth looking into. You don't deserve to be tired or hurting all the time.

Second, if exercise helps you, keep finding ways to move that you enjoy and that feel good to you. The benefits of exercise cap out at around twenty minutes a day, and it doesn't even have to be consecutive. Don't ever push yourself past your limits or continue if you're in pain. Despite popular belief, exercise shouldn't hurt.

Third, keep looking into fat liberation. It has helped my mental health a ton. The best way to be happy with your body is realizing that there's nothing wrong with it as it is now, even if it often feels that way because of the constant bigotry around you. It sucks to get tired more quickly than you used to, but you can absolutely still live an amazingly fulfilling life without your body being the way it was.

Whatever you do, don't let anyone tell you that you aren't allowed to use a mobility aid or live happily in your body as it is. You deserve to feel joy without having to lose weight first.

I hope this helped at least a little bit, and I hope things get better for you.

[andhaveapleasanttomorrow]

I kind of don't live in the real world or know about anything that real people do so having this crisis at almost-22 Given the state of the world in current year feels pretty late but I'm extremely mortally terrified about my own personal future, even aside from all the actual direct threats to humanity's general health and wellbeing, not to mention my own (personal), I've been horrified by the realization that practically everyone just sort of does shit they don't really like or care about for most of their life, and then they die. for most people it's a blessing if they get to do something that's basically inoffensive instead of something they totally hate. then they come home and do more shit they don't really care about (the tv) to "turn their brain off." like, this is what's considered a generally decent life, for the average human, to me. is that not abjectly fucking horrifying? I'm not even talking about the "work-life balance," here, because even progressive notions of the "work-life balance" are depressing to me, the split is depressing, the idea that you have to break your existence into "work" and "life," like "work" is just a thing you have to do in order to get to the other shit, and not something you could ever possibly enjoy- work isn't supposed to be your entire life, right? campus-type offices are bad, workplace entanglements are bad, and whatever. but the only analogue I have for a full-time job is school, and school always has been my entire life. I've never been an "extracurricular" guy, it's just been school and the computer for me, I like it! I want everything to be one smooth gestalt, I don't want to have to sever my life into "the parts I like" and "the parts I have to do," even if the latter is only like 3days a week. I want to enjoy the things I do. I want to have like, longterm goals and shit, which, I've never had a longterm goal up until now but it seems like I'm getting to the point in my life where I might want to make one. I hate that turning your hobby into a job makes it stop being fun, I hate that. I hate that work is a thing people tell you to just put your head down and do and you can't make any friends there and you shouldn't feel like part of a community because they're exploiting you, which is true, and makes sense, but then you leave your workplace and have to go make friends through, like, the apps, I guess? I'm not talking about the commie dream world here because obviously in the commie dream world we would all have strong ties to each other and have parades in the street purely on a whim and so on but we don't live in the commie dream world we live in a very evil dead dying world. I'm not really expressing myself properly, I think my point is I feel that I've wasted my entire youth not doing every single thing I wanted to do because for the next few decades I'm not going to have any energy to do anything except watch the same television shows for ever and ever and ever because it was foolish of me to ever think I'd be able to make a living doing something I loved and now I have to get stomped on 20h/day and not sleep, the sleep is replaced with tv, it makes me feel better than dreaming

[gretavangroupie]

Crave (Chapter 5)

Word count: 5.5k+

Pairing: Josh x Female Reader

Summary: After pushing the girl you love into the arms of your best friend, you're left regretting your choices.

Warnings: 18+ as always, language, drinking, sexual situations, smut, fluff.

Crave Playlist

A/N: Special shoutout to my beta, my co-writer, and my dear friend @gvfjess none of this would be what it is without her touch.

“You’re gonna wish you never said that…”

Her words replay in your head and you are stuck wondering what she meant. You realized that this could happen, getting involved with someone like Josh. You didn’t realize it would be happening so soon. Completely blindsided, you know you have probably said the wrong thing.

What is Josh going to say?

You internally battle with yourself for the rest of your shift. Thankfully, the rest of the night is quiet and easy. You clean up the bar and head home, soaking in a bubble bath when you hear your phone buzz on the bathroom counter. You step out of the tub and wrap yourself in a towel, grabbing the phone and seeing its Josh.

Josh: Hi love, just got back to my room. Miss you.

You: Hi, I miss you too. I hope you had a good day! I met some of those fans you warned me about tonight.

Josh: What? Where?

You: At work.

Your phone rings and you see Josh’s smile light up your screen. You take a deep breath and hit the green button.

“Hey!” you answer.

“Hey beautiful, what’s going on? You said they came to the bar?” He asks. 

“Yes, they actually came looking for you guys, they said they heard you hang out there and wanted me to confirm. Which I did not. But then I guess one of them recognized me from the photo the other night… they were less than pleasant after that. I feel like I probably said something I shouldn't have... I don't know.” You reply.

“This is exactly what I was worried about. Listen, they will say whatever they can to get under your skin. Don’t believe anything they say, they will come up with anything to get at you. As far as how you reacted, I'm sure you said exactly what was necessary. I'm sorry you had to deal with this while I'm gone.” He says.

“Josh, don’t worry. I am fine, just stressed me out a little bit. I tried to take a bath to relax but it didn’t really help. I’m just anxious. I know you guys like to go to Sixty’s because no one ever finds you there but now… I feel like I should have lied and said no…. and the photo… I don’t know I’m just….” You stammer.

“Baby, relax. It’s fine, we will figure it out. Don’t be stressed. In fact…” he stops, you can practically hear the wheels spinning in his head.

“Let's try something...Are you in bed?” He asks.

“I’m about to be. I am putting on a t-shirt right now, and then I am…” you reply.

“Good, get into bed and tell me when you’re there. Feel free to skip the t-shirt. ” He replies and you can hear the smirk in his voice.

Oh Josh… I love this side of you so much.

Your cheeks heat up and your heart starts to race thinking about what he is implying. You are in the mood to release some of the stress from today and this is the perfect opportunity. 

You decide to skip the t-shirt at Josh’s suggestion, climbing into bed and propping yourself up against your pillow. You pop in your airpods to hear Josh’s voice closer. 

“Okay, I’m in bed. Nothing on…” you say devilishly, you are ready to play this game too. 

“You’re so perfect. Are you comfortable?” he is asking genuinely, your heart fluttering at how sweet and caring this man is. 

“Yes. Talk to me, Josh.” you don't want to waste any more time. 

He laughs lightly and you hear some rustling on his end, then the clear sound of him undoing his belt buckle. The ache between your thighs grows in anticipation. “Close your eyes for me.” You follow his instructions and close your eyes, focusing all of your energy on listening to his voice in your ears. 

He begins instructing you again slowly in a lower register, not waiting for you to confirm that you’ve done what he’s asked. He knows you are following his every word. 

“I want you to imagine I’m with you, that your hand is mine and it’s me that’s taking care of you right now. Touching you just the way you like… Gonna make you feel so good baby, we are going to do this together, every step of the way.”

“Please, Josh. Tell me what to do… I’m ready.” your voice is desperate, you miss him so much, and hearing his voice has you absolutely dripping already. 

“Fuck. You have no idea how sexy you sound right now.” you hear his breath falter a little bit.

“I want you to trail your hand down your body, appreciate every inch. I love your soft skin so much, I can’t wait to get my mouth back on it.” his voice drenched with promise.

You take your time and run your hands down from your neck, over your breasts, and to your lower stomach. You are envisioning it’s Josh and can’t help the way you lightly gasp as you imagine it’s his fingers grazing your clit. 

“Keep making those sounds for me. I need to hear how you’re feeling. Don’t be shy. I want you to touch yourself now, and I am going to do the same. We are going to come together. I’ve been hard for you since the second I heard your beautiful voice. Already got off in the shower once today thinking about you, but god damn this is so much better.” 

“Tell me what you were thinking about, Josh. Please.” your fingers continue to swirl against your sensitive bud lightly and your heart is beating faster. At his insistence, you dip two of your fingers into your core, thinking about him filling you up instead. 

“Was thinking about your beautiful lips wrapped around my cock. Your eyes looking up at me while you took me in your mouth. The way you moan as I hit the back of your throat. The way your lips look afterwards, so pink and full. Fuck, I can’t wait, to see you.” he lets out a deep groan and you can hear the faint sounds of his hand working himself up and down vigorously. 

You have no words in response, focusing your efforts on yourself as you switch between pumping your fingers and rubbing tight circles on your clit. You are getting closer to your edge by his words alone, moaning in response and letting his name roll off your tongue. 

“Are you close for me, baby? I don’t know how much longer I can last. Especially with you moaning my name like that...shit...” his voice is getting weaker and you can tell he is ready to finish.

“Yes, Josh. Cum for me, and I’ll cum for you. I’m right there.” you breathe.

“Fuck baby…” his last words spill out of his mouth along with a few delicious moans and other expletives. But what really sends you over the edge is hearing your name leave his mouth laced in pleasure. The sound of him reaching his release is all it takes to send yours plummeting through your body as well. His name slipping deliciously from your lips as it wracks your body.

The line goes quiet for a few seconds as you both catch your breath.

“Josh…” you breathe out.

“Yeah baby…” he replies almost a whisper, still panting. You can hear him rustling around in the background.

“Thank you….” you say. 

“Anything for you, love. Try to get some sleep and dont worry about those girls. All I care about is you, and I can't wait to see you.” he says laying back down in his bed. 

“I can’t wait to see you either, I miss you so much. Goodnight…” you say.

“Goodnight my angel.” he replies, ending the call.

You lay there for a while just enjoying the relaxed sensation pulsating through your body, before realizing the time. You place your phone on the charger and turn off the light thinking of him as you close your eyes.

Only one more day…

When you wake the next morning and grab your phone you see a text from Josh.

Josh: Good morning lover, hope you have a good day today. Thinking of you always.

You: Good morning, miss you and hope your day is good too. Thanks for last night.

You swipe out of your messages and see that you have a ton of instagram notifications.

What in the world?

Opening the app you see your inbox is loaded with message requests, you have tagged photos for review, and comments on your photos from years ago.

You open your message requests and see hundreds of messages from girls who are asking you if you are dating Josh, how you know him, and the like. One message catches your eye though.

Being mean to people in this fandom is not going to age well, you should have thought about that. What would Josh think?

You click on another one.

You are a bartender? How pathetic, Josh deserves someone better than a bitchy bartender.

You open another.

Don’t worry we will show Josh who you really are. :)

Your heart is racing, you are being attacked, just like he said. You quickly close the app and throw your phone across the bed. 

The messages continue to flood in all day, and the more you ignore them the more they seem to come. You know how these fandoms work, so you grab your computer and open Twitter. You search Josh’s name + girlfriend and you are inundated with horrible tweets about yourself. Belittling you, your appearance, your job and Josh’s choice in partner. You have never been bullied like this before and you are not sure how the guys deal with it day to day. 

Maybe this is why they never post anything...

You don’t look at your phone for the rest of the day. You are afraid to say anything to Josh either. Somehow it feels like if you were to talk to him about it, it would only make things worse. You avoid your phone at all costs, hoping that this drama will die down before they get back. You go to work tonight and suffer through the painfully boring shift. As you are locking up you realize that you haven’t checked your phone at all... in hours. You know you will have missed calls and texts. You get into your car and pull it out of your purse, seeing multiple unread messages and two missed calls from Josh. Your instagram notifications have continued to increase since the last time you looked.

Josh: What are you doing today?

Josh: Everything good?

3:05pm Missed Call: Josh

Josh: What is going on love, call me.

1:08am Missed Call: Josh

Crap.

You immediately dial his number and hope he picks up as you pull out into traffic.  It rings twice before he answers.

“Thank god…” he answers.

“I’m so sorry! I haven’t looked at my phone all day!” You reply.

“I was worried, shit.” He says. “Just tell me next time you decide to go off the grid for the day?” He jokes.

“Ugh, I know I’m sorry! This morning… my phone was just blowing up, people are so… mean…I just couldn’t deal with it so I didn’t look at my phone all day. I don’t know how you deal with it, really.” You say.

“What? Oh no....they found you huh? I am so sorry baby…” he replies. He knows exactly what is going on.

“It’s just…a lot.” You say sighing into the phone.

“I know it is....What got to you? There had to be one, if you’re still thinking about it.” He asks.

“I don’t know, just some messages about you deserving someone better than a bartender, or how they were ‘going to show you who I really am’... like they have any clue… it’s just a lot to deal with all at once. Especially by myself.” You say.

“Listen to me, there is no one better for me than you. I don’t care if you’re a bartender, I actually love it, and you’ve said it yourself, who knows you better than I do?” He asks.

“No one.” You reply quietly.

“Exactly. You’re perfect and everything about you is perfect and I just… love you. Exactly how you are. Okay? Don’t even open any more messages. When I get back I will show you how to mute everything. Makes life a lot easier.” He laughs.

“Okay, I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you about it.” You reply.

“It’s okay, I understand. I would have done the same thing in your position. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, love.” He says.

“I know, I have missed you. The bar has been so quiet and boring without you all there, too.” you reply.

“You’ll come over when I get back, right?” He asks.

“Of course, just let me know when.” You say.

“I will, promise to answer your phone this time?” He jokes.

“Yes….” You laugh.

“Goodnight beautiful.” He says.

“Goodnight, Josh.” You say hanging up the phone.

Did he almost kinda say he loved me?

The next morning you wake up feeling refreshed, and excited knowing that you will get to see Josh. As you roll over to grab your phone you already see a text from Josh from a few hours ago.

Josh: We are getting on the plane now, and should be home around 12:30. Can’t wait to kiss your face.

It’s 10:00 now, so that gives you enough time to get up and do your morning routine and make yourself extra presentable. 

Your heart flutters in your chest thinking about kissing him. You take extra time doing your hair and choosing your outfit. You spray your perfume on your wrist and neck and you can feel the butterflies in your stomach start to rise as the clock ticks closer to 12:30.

Pacing your living room, you are waiting for his text to let you know they had landed before you head out. You pack a bag just in case you decide to stay with Josh tonight, even though you’re fairly positive he isn’t going to have it any other way.

Zipping the zipper on the bag your phone buzzes.

Josh: Tell me you’re already on your way…

You: I am now...See you soon.

You grab your things and quickly leave, locking the door behind you. You throw your stuff into your car and head to his house. 

You anxiously flip through the songs on your playlist but can't decide on anything, by the time you do, you are pulling into his driveway. His car is already there, but still warm.

You jump out and head to the front door, but before you can even knock it opens and you see his perfect smile greeting you.

“My girl.” He says, opening his arms.

You fall into his arms being surrounded by the best hug. “I missed you.” you say into his neck.

He kisses the top of your head. “I know and we weren’t even gone that long, I don’t know how I am going to make it through tour…” he says.

“I don’t even want to think about that yet.” You reply.

He releases his arms from around you and grabs your face in his hands, pressing his lips to meet yours. 

I really missed him.

He pulls back and shuts the door behind you. 

“I know I just got here but I have to leave at 4 for my shift. Are you guys…. Gonna come in tonight? I know you just got home and all….” You stammer.

“I’m sure it will not take a whole lot of convincing...” He smiles.

You flash him a smile and he kisses you again. 

“You really did miss me, huh?” You ask playfully. 

“I did, and I am about to show you just how much.” He says devilishly.

Leading you down the hallway he laces his fingers with yours, pushing his bedroom door open. He lays down on his side of the bed, on top of his perfect fluffy down filled duvet. He crosses his bare feet and pats the spot next to him. 

“Okay, first, let me see your phone.” He says holding his hand out.

You pull your phone out of your back pocket and unlock it before handing it to him. 

“We need to get you locked down, because all of this….” He says pointing to the hundreds of comments and messages, “...is just not okay. I’m sorry we didn’t do this before I left.”

He shows you how to mute your messages, filter comments, and helps you set your profile to private. 

“There, that should do it.” He says, handing it back to you. You set it on the table next to the bed and he throws his arm around your shoulder as he pulls his own phone out. 

You snuggle into his side, completely relaxed just being here with him. He opens his instagram and searches for your profile, following you, now that you are private.

“There, now they can speculate all they want, but they can't get to you.” He laughs.

You spend a little time just laying with your head on his chest as he shows you pictures and videos he took while he was gone this week. You hear his heart beat and it lulls you into a drowsy state.

He puts his phone on the table and turns to face you.

“I really did miss you, sleeping here with you… empty hotel beds are cold and lonely.” He says. 

You look up and place your lips on his, letting them linger for a few seconds longer than usual.

He grabs your face pulling you in again, so you sit up and climb over top of him, straddling him as you continue the kiss. 

His hands slide off of your face and down your neck and shoulders, grazing your arms as they make their way to your hips. He grips into the fabric of your jeans pulling you down to grind into him. A moan leaving his lips and echoing into your mouth.

“Josh, I don’t know if I can wait any longer.” You pant.

“Good. Me either.” He says pulling his shirt over his head. 

Minutes later you are tangled with each other, nothing but breathy moans and sighs filling the room.

Every movement made with intention and care, this was not like the past few times. This was like the first time all over again. Josh worships every inch of your body and takes his time paying attention to every minute detail of you. He makes sure you are taken care of first and foremost. He was loving you, not fucking you.

You lay together for a while afterwards talking and giggling, until the clock reminds you that its time to leave your perfect, blissful slice of heaven and head to the dark, smoky bar. 

You begrudgingly get up and put your clothes back on, stepping into the bathroom to fix your hair and makeup before stepping back out. You see that he has gotten up and put his clothes back on too. You walk to meet him on the other side of the room and you snake your arms around his torso from behind. 

“I’m glad you’re back.” You say into his warm back.

“I am glad too.” He replies, spinning around in your arms. “We are going to come to the bar later, if you still want us to.”

“Of course, it has been so quiet without you guys there.” You smile.

He leans down and kisses your lips, “Then we will see you soon, love.”

He releases you and you make your way to the front door, him not far behind you. 

“See you later...” you say playfully blowing him a kiss.

“Bye baby...” He replies kissing your forehead.

Two hours later as you are restocking the cooler, you hear the bell ring and peer over your shoulder to see them walking in. Your heart leaps out of your chest. You smile and stand up and walking over to the bar top. They all come bounding over with smiles.

“My favorite regulars…” you smile.

Josh grabs your hand, pulling it to his lips, placing a kiss on your knuckles. Your face blushes red, at his openness in front of the guys.

“They all know, nothing to hide anymore.” He says.

Your eyes flick to Jake, then Sam, then Danny. Each of them smiling and giving their nod of approval.

“I mean, obviously he’s in love with you, look at this mushy shit.” Sam jokes as Josh releases your hand.

You smile and shrug your shoulders.

“Okay, drinks?” You ask, changing the subject, trying not to think about what Sam said.

Is he? Does he love me?

A while later you approach the guys at their normal table with fresh drinks and pass them out. You look around the bar and see it’s practically empty, so you take a seat next to Josh, who instinctively throws his arm around you. The guys have drank more than their usual amount tonight and things have been rowdy and loud. They tell you about their week, and some of the interesting interview topics they spoke about. As Jake drunkenly drags on about some bizarre topic you all find yourselves praying for his speech to end. Sam pulled out his phone half way through and has been scrolling mindlessly for the past 20 minutes.

“Oh god.” He says taken aback, interrupting Jake’s lecture.

“Did you know Olivia is engaged?!” He says, turning to Danny, shocked.

“What?” Danny interjects, snatching the phone from his hand, studying it before letting out a deep breath.

“No.” is all he says. His voice, deep and dark.

“So if she is engaged what was she doing here, fucking around with you?” Sam asks Danny.

“What the fuck does that mean?” Danny replies.

“What?” He asks.

“What do you mean fucking around?” He yells.

You look at Josh who shrugs his shoulders at you in response. You nod your head back towards the bar and he nods.

As you make your way over to the bar you pretend to look busy and try not to listen in on what’s going on. What you do notice is that Danny has crossed over that threshold. He has that look in his eye and you know things are not going to end well for someone.

“Why the fuck would you even bring it up?” he yells at Sam. 

Sam stands up and grabs his things, trying to just leave the bar and the situation all together. 

Danny stands up and grabs his arm, slinging him into the wood paneled wall behind the table.

“Do you have a fuckin problem man?” he asks, pushing Sam into the wall by his shoulders.

Jake quickly springs to his feet grabbing Danny by the arm and pulling him off of Sam before anything escalates further.

“Daniel, I think it'd be wise to take a step back.” Jake warns with a glaring look.

Josh taking the opportunity, sliding between Danny and Sam.

“No, no I'm sick of this shit. I’m sick of everyone telling me what to do. What’s best for me… like I don’t know….” he says, throwing Jake’s hand off of him with disgust.

“Maybe you should just go take a walk for a minute…” Josh suggests.

“Yeah, maybe I should Josh…” he says sarcastically.

Danny shoots a venomous look at Sam before walking over to the bartop, where you have to pretend to have not been listening. 

He places his elbows on the bar top and runs his hands over his face.

“Do you want to come talk to me outside for a few minutes?” you ask nervously.

He looks up at you surprised. “I don't know, can you...” He turns and looks at Josh.

“Of course I can.” you reply.

You look around and see that it’s only the guys left at this hour, and so you come out from behind the bar and walk to the front door with Danny following behind. You open the door and usher him out, making eye contact with Josh. He nods his head and you smile back at him.

He understands.

As you step outside you see Danny sit down on the little bench around the corner. You walk over to meet him sitting beside him.

“I’m sorry. I don't even know why I did that. Everyone always thinks they know better than me. I am just...” he says defeatedly. “I just keep screwing everything up. I almost just hurt my best friend… and for what?” 

“Oh, Danny…” you say, placing your hand on his back. “You didn’t screw everything up…everyone in there knows you, and knows that you were just worked up... And that you would never hurt Sam… It's been a tough few weeks for all of you.”  

“It has, and I have been at the center of all of it. Literally every bad thing that has happened has involved me. I need to figure some shit out…” he says shaking his head. 

“Sometimes you have to go through a few bad things to get to the good things.” you say.

“You know, I’m really sorry for how I treated you. I really am, but I am so happy that you and Josh are happy. He has not shut up about you all week. Jake and I thought we were going to have to kill him. It's exactly what you have always deserved.” he says.

Your eyes fill with tears, finally feeling the relief of all the tension you harbored towards the Danny and Josh situation. You wrap your arms around him hugging him. He pats his hand on your arm.

“Thanks...It’s been hard. I have felt guilty for how everything played out, and I never really talked to you about it. Things are just different with him, you know? It’s so… easy. It feels so much different, just really… right. I think I love him. I just… I know it’s soon…I haven’t told him. I just really want things to work out…I don’t know why I’m telling you this…. I’m sorry.” you stammer.

“I’m glad you are telling me, it means we are friends. I think we were always supposed to just be friends. I like talking to you, and I like that you feel comfortable confiding in me. I’d like to be that friend, if you want me to be. I know what happened with us was rough, but I think you did find your good in it. I hope that I can find mine.” He smiles.

You tear up and nod your head in acceptance.

“I know, I know, not used to me being the one with all the sappy stuff to say…” he jokes.

You release your arms from around him. “I think you should probably apologize to Sam…”

“Yeah, I probably should…” he says standing up.

You stand up next to him and he reaches towards you for a friendly hug. “Thank you…. For talking to me. It’s nice to have a friend that isn’t… them.” he laughs.

“You can talk to me anytime you need to, Danny. I mean that.” you say stepping back from his hug. 

He nods and walks with you back inside the bar. As your eyes search for Josh you see him and he looks at you questioningly. 

You smile and nod telling him that everything is good and he smiles back, warming your heart.

You head back behind the bar to start closing everything up for the night. Danny walks over to the table and you see him talking to Sam, clearly apologizing for over-reacting.

Jake walks up to the bar to close out the tab. 

“I don't know what you said, but thank you.” he says, pulling out his card. “He is hard to calm down when he gets mad like that.”

“I didn't really say anything, I just let him talk. I think he just needed to talk to someone that wasn’t one of you.” you reply, handing him the receipt. 

“Ahhh…..” he exhales. “Josh really picked a good one.” he smirks up at you, signing his receipt and sliding it to you, shoving his in the pocket of his pants.

“Thanks Jake.” You smile back.

You see Josh walking over to the two of you. “What are you two conspiring about?” he asks jokingly.

“I was just telling her thank you for her bomb diffusing efforts.” Jake jokes. “And that you picked a good one.” he smiles patting his shoulder.

“Brother, have you gone soft or is it the Whiskey?” he says playfully jabbing into his side.

“Whiskey.” they both say in unison, laughing.

It's at this moment that you knew you loved him. No question.

As Jake walks away, you see Josh step closer to the bar leaning over to you. “I told you…” he says.

“Told me what?” you reply.

“Everyone can see how I feel about you. Why, I feel that way.” he says, running his fingers over your knuckles. “You’re coming over tonight, right?” 

“If you want me to…” you say.

“I never want you to leave.” he replies.

You feel your heart leap.

“Then, I will see you shortly…” you reply coyly.

He meets up with the rest of the guys at the door, waving as they all walk out the door.

As you finish closing up you let your mind wander and enjoying the happy feelings overtaking your body.

This is how it feels to be truly happy, and content.

Locking the door behind you, you make your way to your car but as you approach it you see a piece of paper tucked underneath your windshield wiper.

You grab what you now see is Jake’s copy of the receipt you just gave him, with a scribble of words written on the inside. You open it up and see that it’s not Jake’s handwriting, it’s Danny’s and inside the message reads,

He loves you too. He always has. Don’t wait. Tell him.

A tear springs from the corner of your eye and you feel a pang of longing creep across your chest.

Has he always loved me? 

You fold the receipt and place it in your wallet for safe keeping.

As you make the drive to his house you are a bundle of nerves. You aren’t sure how you’re going to tell him, or when but the overwhelming urge to just blurt it out is taking over your brain.

You walk up to his door with your bag and you remember the night you came here just a few short weeks ago, crying and wondering if he would even open the door. You’re so glad he did. You can’t imagine what your life would be like right now if he hadn’t. Much like that night, you stand here waiting for him to open the door, nervous and hopeful.

As the door opens, warmth creeps over your body, releasing all the nerves you had to begin with. His smile has that effect on you. Everytime.

“Ahh my girl... I will never get tired of seeing your face at my door.” he says, pulling your hand to lead you inside.

He takes your bag from your hand and sets it by the door. 

As you walk further into the house you stop and turn to face him.

“Josh do you think… tonight we could just…” you stop.

“What baby?” he asks.

“I just… want to be with you and sleep next to you. I missed you.” you say.

“Oh love…I fell asleep every night this week wishing I was holding you. Come on, let's go.” he says, locking the door and turning off the lights.

You step into his bedroom and you see that he already has your favorite shirt sitting on the bed for you. You pick it up and look at him and he smiles back in response. 

Sliding your clothes off, you catch him as he watches you, blushing slightly that you caught him. “I can’t help it... You're the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen. Can’t keep my eyes off of you.” he says as he takes his own clothes off.

He turns off the lamp, and pulls the duvet back crawling into the bed.  He pulls your side of the duvet back and opens his arms to you. You slide in, and cuddle in next to him, facing him. He pulls the duvet up around the two of you, before wrapping his arms around your torso, pulling you in closer to him. He inhales deeply against your head holding you tightly to his body. 

You wrap your arm around him and run your fingertips over his bare back. His skin is so soft you find yourself lost in the sensation of it gliding so smoothly under your hand. 

You know this is the perfect time. Both of you are completely at peace and just enjoying one another. No place you would rather be. Gathering up all your courage, you take a deep breath.

“Josh…” you say, almost a whisper into his neck. 

“Mmmhm…” he hums against your head. 

“I… I love you.” you finally manage.

He pulls away from you, pressing his hand to your face. His thumb glides across your cheek as a smile crosses his lips.

“My beautiful girl…I love you too. I always have.” he says, pressing his perfect soft lips to yours. A tear springing from you eye.

“Tell me again.” you whisper.

“I am so in love with you. I have always been in love with you. I wish there were more words for me to tell you exactly how much. For once in my life words are escaping me…” he laughs against your lips wiping your tears away.

You press your lips to his once more before settling back into his arms. 

“Then I guess you’ll just have to show me.” you say kissing his chest.

“Everyday, for as long as you’ll have me…” he replies.

“Always.” you whisper, your eyes fluttering closed as you drift off to sleep, completely wrapped in love. 

.

.

.

.

.

.

fin.

[colorisbyshe]

I do think it's funny that whenever the muddy remains of ace discourse float before my eyes, it's always something like "Trans people are being attacked now more than ever, which is why we need to STICK TOGETHER! Infighting is tearing us apart when we should be standing together!"

And it's like... the irony is wholly missed.

Yes, LGBT people (mostly trans people but cis LGB people, too) are being attacked right now. Which is why advocating that we divert time, money, and any other resources (even just mental bandwidth) on asexuality and aromanticism is wasteful and harming the cause. Because, notably, aces and aros aren't under attack right now.

There are no LGBT-specific resources needed for the interpersonal hardships aces an aros are having (because that's what y'all are facing--individuals being cruel to you on individual levels). An oppressor (cishet aces, cishet aros, cis aroaces) DEMANDING resources from those they oppress, AS they are being attacked by other groups, is just furthering said oppression.

Everyone is right. We shouldn't be wasting energy on ace discourse. We shouldn't be wasting energy on asexuality or aromanticism at all. Aces, aros, get your shit together and fix your own problems. And then when you realize that only takes 5 minutes of fixing boundaries with the people around you, spend the rest of your time being better allies to LGBT people. That is the ONLY way you can actually help the community.

Advocating for ace and aro inclusion while LGBT people are facing violence and legislative discrimination (which is violent, I realize I'm being redundant) is the infighting you guys complain about so much. YOU are the derailment. You are the problem. It's you.

[humblefryingpan]

Can I just like Taylor Swift without people either on the internet or irl being a dick?

⚠️ Minor tw for mentioned pedophilia, car crashes and home invasion. Also I talk about harassment (sexual and regular) and referenced slut shaming. And some swearing.

This is a really long (like 12 paragraphs) and pretty negative post btw, if you choose to read it then it's on you

"I'm existed to listen to Taylor's new album! I like this song!"

The internet: have you considered you're just a white supremacist? (I'm not joking I actually just saw a post calling swifties white supremacists)

Ffs let me like things, it doesn't affect you in any way. I like her as a person and I love her music. You don't have to.

You don't like Taylor's music? Don't listen to her. You think she's annoying? Okay, I clearly dont, stop trying to make me upset over something that doesn't affect you. Notice how I keep my mouth shut when you rant about basic singer boy #7? It's pretty easy.

There are so many things I don't like that other people do and unless someone actually asks my opinion I will shut my mouth and let them enjoy it because it's none of my business.

Once someone I know saw me listening to music (with headphones!) and asked if I was listening to Taylor Swift bc they knew I like her. I was so I was like "yeah I'm listening to __ by Taylor :)" and then suddenly I couldn't listen in peace because they spent the next 40 minutes bitching about her. In no point during this did I make them or even suggest getting them to listen with me. I was literally just doing my work while listening to a song a like.

And the argument that she is single-handedly destroying the environment? Really? Yeah she has a private jet which isn't good for the environment but if she took public transport do you realize how much harassment she'd get? Say she just goes in a car, so many people have intentionally caused car crashes when around celebrities in an attempt to meet them or hurt them. Several people have tried to break into her house obviously she wouldn't be safe in public transport.

Even without the safety hazard you'd see how fast it goes from "taylor is polluting the air!" to "taylor is causing traffic on purpose!" or "taylor wastes loads of petrol/energy in her car!" Because she literally can't leave her house without getting blamed for something. She goes to see her boyfriend play football? She's ruining football. She dates someone? Slut. She breaks up with someone? Player/whore.

It's none of your business what she does. She makes people happy and she didn't hurt anyone intentionally, what about that is so awful that you need to yell at any random person that likes her? Sure some people take being a swiftie too far but even then, most of the time you don't know their life and even if there isn't more to it, it's not an excuse to judge an entire fan base for the minority of problematic people.

Imagine if I said every single singer is a pedophile because I found two singers that actually are. Would that be fair? What if I said every man harasses people just because some men do? Would I get yelled at?

People need to stop taking "I like this" as an excuse to make someone feel bad. Stop looking for excuses to be a prick because most of the time if you stop looking for reasons to be mad, your life gets a lot happier.

At the end of the day if I like Taylor Swift then there's another thing that makes me happy. If you don't then you should just not listen to her and let the people that do enjoy themselves because your misery shouldn't hurt other people.

Sorry for the angry/sad and long post but holy fuck it feels so necessary at this point

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Personal stuff. Feel free to Skip.

Went to the doctor yesterday for an annual exam. There is always the part about "Do you feel safe in your current relationship." I'm not in one. Haven't been in one for years.

Then there was one that asked "Have you ever been in an abusive relationship".

I marked 'no.'

What did it matter? It was over and it was a long time ago. It had no bearing on my visit.

If I marked yes, would I have to talk about it to a doctor that wouldn't care? Relive memories that would stick with me longer than the visit only for a doctor to nod as if they understood when a ten second conversation could never make them even start to understand.

Another question: Are you depressed?

Again, I marked 'no'.

Sometimes we lie because we don't have the energy to try to explain when it won't make a difference. Sometimes we lie so that we don't have to break down later over one more uncaring voice.

Today my manager told me that I was too negative and needed to learn how to stop speaking my mind.

That I had a poor outlook on things and she didn't appreciate my view on things.

I don't have the energy to tell her that I have fought too hard and too long to learn how to break the silence that was placed on me. That she does not know my history of trauma. That she shouldn't judge me because I am lucky to be here and I live in this world out of spite. I am here because someone didn't want me to be. That I have been living with such a high level of anxiety and stress that my body always thinks it is in fight or flight mode.

What I can guarantee is that I will never speak to her again beyond absolute work mode. What she fails to realize is how little I care about any threats she could make towards my job. How does that even begin to compare to anything else I have been through? She is a speck of dirt in a dump truck of shit. In the end, it's all the same and I have bigger issues to deal with.

I have been turned away by three doctors in the past. Three doctors that did not want to treat a trans individual. I've had countless doctors that admitted that they had no idea how to treat a trans individual and advised me to go see a specialist only to have the specialist tell me I was wasting my money and go see someone else. I have a current doctor that does not admit that they do not know what they are doing, but I can tell that I know more than they do when it comes to my own health. I've been forced to smile politely and thank them for their time as I leave, feeling like I'm not a person. I've been misgendered and deadnamed. I've been called crazy and told that I should be locked up by my own family.

That's all in the past. Each visit to a doctor carries with it the knowledge that what makes me happy and feel like I am my own self is also abnormal and so easily taken apart.

There was a third question on that sheet at the doctor's office. I marked 'no'.

Because how do you even start to explain that you really are okay and there is no reason to be concerned. That there are just some days when you aren't. And today is fine but tomorrow you might break down.

I'll be fine. But it's been a rough week. It's Tuesday.