#i realize this every time i stumble upon a picture of him and im like 🤔

[luciferfemme]

I watched Glee at a very transformative time in my life and what I've determined the lasting effect was is that my type is just lesbian Daren criss thank you for coming to my Ted talk no I don't want to talk about it.

[littlefireball]

I hope you rest well!

I'd like to request a story: wooyoung in a non idol au setting. Strangers to lovers (with with him and her being inexperienced (getting intimate) but her having many ideas what she wants. Also I'd love if the met many times and made out many times before they did the deed!

Thank you!!But im not sure what 'I'd love if the met many times' 😥 is it mean they meet many times? but it doesn't matter i made it laaaa but sorry the make out scenes are not that much TT

ᴡʏ|ᴡᴀɴɴᴀ ʙᴇᴛ? (ᴍ)

ɢᴀᴍᴇʀ ᴡᴏᴏʏᴏᴜɴɢ x ɢᴀᴍᴇʀ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢ: ʟᴏɴɢ ꜱᴍᴜᴛ|ꜱᴛʀᴀɴɢᴇʀꜱ ᴛᴏ ʟᴏᴠᴇʀꜱ|ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ᴏᴜᴛ|ᴍᴀꜱᴛᴜʀʙᴀᴛᴇ|ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛᴇᴅ ꜱᴇx|ᴍᴀɴʏ ᴘᴏꜱɪᴛɪᴏɴꜱ :)|ʀᴏᴜɢʜ ꜱᴇx|ᴅᴀᴅᴅʏ ᴋɪɴᴋ|ᴡᴏᴏʏᴏᴜɴɢ ɪꜱ ʏᴏᴜɴɢᴇʀ ᴛʜᴀɴ ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴀʀᴏᴜɴᴅ 1-2 ʏᴇᴀʀꜱ ᴏɴʟʏ)

ᴡᴏʀᴅ ᴄᴏᴜɴᴛ: 3.2ᴋ

Masterlist

Gaming at an Internet café is the perfect escape from daily pressures. With headphones on, the outside world fades, and the game's sounds ignite your passion. You revel in the arcade atmosphere, feeling joy wash away your tension.

"Yes! I'm back on top!" A rush of triumph hits as you see your name at the top of the leaderboard, a testament to weeks of skill-building. If only you could channel this drive into your job, but that thought barely registers.

"Alright! Time to head home." A glance at your phone reveals it's already one in the morning. You snap a picture of your score, post it with a cheeky caption, and drift off to sleep.

The next day, after a tough workday, you return to the café, eager to check your score. To your shock, a player named Black Cat has shattered your record in just twenty-four hours. "What?" you gasp, disbelief washing over you.

No, first place is yours.

Time slips away as you replay the game, but despite your efforts, you can't surpass Black Cat. Exhaustion sets in, but quitting isn't an option.

You analyze Black Cat's gameplay, piecing together clues like a complex puzzle, inching closer to the answer.

"I did it!" You slumped in your seat with a sigh of relief. Finally! You were at the top again. It took more time than you imagine and now it was already 2:00 a.m.. "Fuck!" Having no time to take a rest, you quickly gathered your belongings and rushed back home. You might not have realized it, but the instant you walked away, your ranking dropped again.

This occurs nearly every day, and it's worth mentioning that this pattern has persisted for a week now. Your triumphs seem to fade away all too quickly.

For you, it was a battle; but for Wooyoung, it was a funny game.

The days of campus life have come to an end, and graduation looms just a few months ahead. Wooyoung's friends were either busy with part-time jobs or off on romantic outings. He found himself feeling quite dull. Although he kept active with daily sports and bike rides, a spark of excitement eluded him.

That was, until he stumbled upon your post. Initially, he figured that a visit to an Internet café, after such a long hiatus, would be a fun way to pass the time. Little did he know that the thrill of vying for first place against you would ignite a newfound passion.

Wooyoung liked watching you struggle with the ranking. It sounded like a pervert though.

Wooyoung arrived at the internet cafe early, excited to spend the day with you. Spotting you in your favorite corner, he decided to sit beside you instead of across. As you both logged into the game, the atmosphere buzzed with excitement. Each time he won, you playfully cursed, while he seemed to predict your every move.

In a moment of distraction, you noticed him trying to suppress laughter at your setbacks, his eyes gleaming with mischief. Curious, you wondered if he was that black cat. When you pretended to head to the restroom, he immediately stopped his antics, engrossed in his phone.

Returning to your chair, you feigned disappointment and said you needed another try. Realizing you were back, Wooyoung set his phone aside and dove back into the game. Yet, you remained still, simply observing him as he played. When he glanced over at your screen, he noticed you hadn't even begun.

He feigned a cough, a clumsy attempt to divert attention while concentrating on his game. Intentionally scoring low, he aimed to project an image of a novice, yet his username betrayed him─Black Cat.

"Um… May I help you?" he stuttered, realizing you were peering at his screen.

"Oh, nothing much. I'm just curious about why you keep staring at my screen."

"Uh… um…" He fumbled for words.

"So, you're watching me play to spot my mistakes?" Your words made him glance away, clearly flustered.

"I don't mind at all." You chuckled lightly. "I just think it's impressive how you rack up such high scores."

"Really? Thanks!" A smile broke across Wooyoung's face, thrilled to finally be chatting with you. "Want to play a round together?"

"Sure! But let's mix it up a bit; playing just one game gets dull."

"Of course! How about Mario Kart?" Wooyoung suggested eagerly.

"Don't regret it. I'm good at this game." You said provocatively.

"That should be what I say."

Both of you found unprecedented happiness in this game. Not fighting for high scores anymore, but the joy of playing together. You talked about everything and nothing, from your favorite books to the latest movies, laughter filling the air between you. It felt natural, comfortable, and more importantly, genuine. As the night wore on, you realized that you could spend hours like this, just talking and getting to know each other better.

"Will you come tomorrow?" Wooyoung asked.

"Maybe not." You gathered your belongings and said. "I gotta take a rest. I'm tired."

"Then how can I find you?" Wooyoung burst out, he wanted to meet you every day. It has become his habit.

"Find me?" You smirked. "Why would you find me?"

"Um…ahh…I want to play a game with you." Wooyoung confessed.

Smiled, you nodded. "Then~what if we have a bet?" You asked, leaning back at the chair. "If I lose, I will give you my number. If you lose─""Deal."

"What? Don't you need to consider it?"

"No. What game do you want to play?" Wooyoung was already logged in the game, searching for one he would definitely win.

"Okay. Okay. You choose." You smile helplessly.

Naturally, you end up losing. Who advised him to pick a game you've never tried? But it's all good. You initially intended to share your number with him; you were just looking for some fun, so you threw out a bet instead.

"Hey, Y/N. Wanna bet?" He asked suddenly on the way to take you home. "Whoever reaches that tree first wins. The losing one must fulfill the other's wish." Before you could react to his words, he suddenly ran away with his full speed, leaving you far behind.

"You asshole!!" Of course, you lose again. You were not good at sports, especially running. "How could you run first?It's not fair!" You smacked his chest playfully, and he laughed, grabbing your hands tightly.

"So you want to run again?"

"No way!"

"And you lose~"

"Maybe you should change your name to fox." You pouted and he pulled you into his embrace, making you blush.

"You have to fulfill my wish, Y/N."

"Wh…What wish?"

"Can you go on a date with me?"

"But I won't go on a date with a jobless man."

"Fine. I will find a job." He compromised. "So will you go on a date with me?"

"To see if you work hard."

"That's not fair. I've already fulfilled one of your wishes!" Wooyoung pouted like a child.

"Is it?" You couldn't help but grin at his adorable charm, leaning in impulsively to press a kiss on his cheek. Perhaps it was a bit wild; after all, how could you kiss someone you had just met on your very first day? Yet, in that instant, all you wanted was to embrace that fleeting urge.

"Go get a job and I'll go on a date with you. That's it." You left him frozen in his place, going back to your house.

"You promise?" Wooyoung shouted.

"Promise."

—---

Initially, your plan was simple: enjoy dinner and each other's company. However, things took an unexpected turn as your relationship evolved into a whirlwind of gambling challenges. It felt like you had unwittingly walked into his trap, with every bet he suggested tilted in his favor, forcing you to comply with his whims.

But you never mind.

"Kiss me." Wooyoung leaned in close, his voice barely above a whisper, and you instinctively moved to meet him with a kiss. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he drew you into his warm embrace, and in that moment, the world around you faded away. The kiss was carefree, filled with sweetness and tenderness, a balm for his soul. Almost every day during lunch, he would find you and propose a playful 'bet.'

"Ten seconds have passed," you teased, breaking the kiss with a soft pop. "That's our deal."

"What if I want it to last longer?" He pressed his chest against yours, his breath warm against your lips.

"Shall we make another bet?" You tilted your head.

"Can we save that for later? I always win, so it doesn't really matter when I claim my prize, right?"

"You…"

He silenced you with a fervent kiss, a soft moan escaping as he deepened the connection, his tongue dancing with yours in a passionate rhythm.

"How can you be so intense?" you gasped, playfully patting his chest.

"I can be even more intense if that's what you want."

"No." You halted his advance by placing your hand over his mouth. "Time's up."

"You'll want more, I promise." With a quick peck on your forehead, he dashed away, leaving you breathless. "I gotta work. Bye bye~"

It's a fact. You crave something deeper than just a kiss. Yet, each time you two get lost in the moment, he pulls back. Why is that? Is it because of the nature of your relationship? You and he may not officially be a couple, but you've shared nearly all the experiences that couples do, except for that final step.

Once again, you found yourselves lost in each other on the sofa, but this time, there were no conditions or wagers. You had invited him over, yearning for his company. His left arm encircled your waist, drawing you closer, while his right hand gently cupped your face, tilting it for a kiss. As he pressed his lips against yours, his tongue slipped in, playfully teasing yours and producing a soft, intimate sound. The suddenness of his actions caught you off guard, but you quickly became entranced by the fervent embrace.

His hands roamed over your back, glided down to your thighs, and ventured to explore your most sensitive spots. And you could feel something hard sinking between your thighs;he was turned on. But, he suddenly stopped the kisses, just as usual.

"I gotta go to the toilet." Not waiting for your response, he rushed to the washroom. He twisted the faucet handle, letting the icy water cascade over his face, a desperate attempt to shake off the grip of longing. Yet, despite his efforts, his body betrayed him.

Unable to resist any longer, he freed himself from his trousers, starting to jerk off. His thoughts swirl with tantalizing fantasies, igniting a fire within him. He gasps for air as sweat beads on his brow, cascading down like tiny jewels. The vision of being enveloped by your warmth consumes him, driving him to madness. Eventually, the intensity of his cravings subsides, if only for a moment.

He gazes at the crumpled tissues in the trash, sighs heavily, and splashes water on his face before leaving the restroom. But the sight of you leaning against the wall outside shatters his composure. Your form-fitting dress highlights your curves, and your slender legs captivate him.

"Have you finished yet? I thought you…" you tease as you draw closer. Your eyes playfully wander down to his anxious gaze. With one hand resting on his chest and the other propped against the wall, your faces inch closer, breaths mingling in the air. You whisper softly, "Are you scared to have me, completely?" Your playful, innocent eyes sparkle with mischief, as your bodies pressed together, feeling the warmth of each other's breath.

"Just don't regret what you have said." "Never." He suddenly carried you in his arms, making his way to your bedroom.

With his right hand cradling your head, he kissed every inch of your body, igniting a fire within you despite the fabric between you. His hands explored your curves, lingering on your chest, leaving a tender mark. Your soft sighs fueled his desire as he pressed your bodies together, his lower half brushing against you. You surrendered as he unzipped your dress, showering your exposed breasts with kisses.

"I've wanted you for so long." He murmured while dropping kisses on your collarbone.

"Then why don't you claim me as yours?"

"I'm afraid that you will reject me." He locked his eyes with yours, full of affection. "After all, I'm younger than you."

"What's the point? I would never mind our age." You wrapped your arms around his neck. "If I mind, I won't let you kiss me, let alone fuck me."

Smiling, he claimed you into a hungry kiss. After removing your garments and putting on a condom, he settled between your thighs. The passionate make-out session was interrupted by your breathy moans as he eased into you. A hint of discomfort made you frown. "It's okay, just relax," Wooyoung murmured, cupping your face and kissing you while caressing your clit, sending waves of pleasure through you.

Tapping his shoulder as a signal to let him move, he first thrusted in and out at a slow pace but your wall kept pulling and sucking him in, driving him insane. Your moan grew louder as you arched your back against his chest, he quickly moved in and out while slapping your ass with his ball.

"Young…Youngie…Can you fuck me in doggy style? I want you deep inside me." You begged, your voice soft. He made a pause and pecked at your forehead before flipping you over suddenly, causing your head to land on the pillow.

He forcefully lifted your pelvis, pressing your buttocks against his lower body. Without waiting for your response, he thrust hard into you once again. Unlike the rapid thrusting before, it was now like a raging flood. Each insertion went as deep as possible, fiercely colliding with your soft flesh.

"Fuck!!" Wooyoung seized your hair, bumped into you and hitted your sweet spot dead on. The combination of pain and pleasure left you gasping for air, your excitement manifesting in frantic cries. He showed no signs of slowing down, thrusting with relentless speed and power, as if he were exerting every ounce of his strength.

Your moans had transformed into an intoxicating melody, more enchanting than ever before, fueling his urge to take complete control over you. The delicate dance of pain and pleasure brought tears cascading down your face. Each moan now carried a hint of sobbing, a poignant blend of ecstasy and despair. In this moment, coherent thoughts eluded you, leaving you with only broken whispers and fragmented sounds.

"Ah… young… please…slow…"

"What did you say? I can't hear you." He smirked mischievously, spanking you several times to leave red marks on your ass.

"Call me daddy and I'll let you go." Suddenly, he collided with your deepest spot, hitting it over and over again. Your limbs went weak as the numbness took over, energy was going out of your body.

"woo… young… please." "Huh? I don't want to hear that." "Hmm… daddy… Stop…" Delighted by the response, he eased his grip, gradually descending. His damp chest pressed against your back as he planted soft kisses, trailing them up to your neck, leaving a warm path of affection in his wake.

He gently brushed your tears away, his fingers weaving through your hair with care. The rhythm continued unabated as he lifted you, allowing you to settle with your back against him. His damp chest pressed against your spine, and you could feel the warmth of his breath on your skin. Turning your head, you captured his lips in a kiss, one hand tenderly cradling the back of his neck.

He met your kiss with enthusiasm, his fingers gliding gently along the inner curve of your thighs, while his other hand traveled upward, exploring every inch of your body before pausing to knead your chest.

"Can you be rough with me again?" You asked, earning a smile from him.

"Are you okay with that?" He kissed you one more time before parting from your lips.

"Yes, please."

He gently lowered you onto the bed once more, his body still pressed against your back. Supporting himself with his arms, he swiftly reentered you, his movements quick and fervent. Your body quivered with each powerful thrust, the sensation both soft and overwhelming.

He let out deep, passionate moans, reveling in the pleasure coursing through him. In turn, you responded with your own sounds of delight, completely enveloped in the blissful moment. Time seemed to slip away as you both surrendered to the intoxicating feelings, lost in a world of comfort and ecstasy.

Exhaustion began to set in as he slowed down his pace, wrapping his right arm around your waist before settling onto the bed beside you. Now he was spooning you, nudged your right leg forward, allowing his cock to delve even deeper. With a slow, gentle thrust, he peppered your neck with soft kisses, leaving you blissfully unaware of how it had become adorned with love bites.

"Youngie, I want to try something…" You trailed off, feeling shy.

"Hm?What's that?" Wooyoung sneaked his hand to your breast, teasing your nipple while leaving a trail of kisses on your neck.

"Do you know what missionary is?"

"You really have so many ideas." He let out a chuckle and flipped you over once more before you could say anything. He folded you up and supported himself with both of his hands settled on your thighs, moving in and out at a steady pace.

"A little harder… Go deeper…" you said coyly.

"Aren't you afraid of pain?" He asked.

"No…Please daddy"

Gripping your arms, he pressed his lips against yours, fiery and red, before plunging into you with the ferocity of a wild beast. This time, the intensity was unlike anything you had experienced before. The blend of pain and ecstasy escaped your lips in loud moans, mingling with the breathless utterance of his name. The bed groaned under the force of your movements, but neither of you noticed, lost in the throes of your fervent connection.

"Fuck!Fuck!Fuck!!"

Finally, you both reached climax and Wooyoung came. After the moment passed, he tenderly pressed his lips to your forehead and gave your lips a light kiss. He pulled away and settled down next to you. You nestled against his shoulder, a content smile gracing your face.

"You really gave it your all…" You weakly chuckled. Wooyoung draped his arm around you, resting his head against yours as he murmured, "Well, who was it that tempted me?" You let out a soft laugh.

"Who could possibly say no?" You exchanged warm smiles before closing your eyes, the weight of exhaustion enveloping you both.

"Can you be my girlfriend?" Wooyoung whispered in your ears. "Is it a bet or a promise?" "A promise." Smiling, he drew you into a deep kiss with all of his love.

[etraudvenus]

Throes of Passion

“you're so hot. you're so hot, you're so fucking amazing at that isaac.

i know, i fucking know. i am tired, i am exhausted of knowing. i have to look at myself every single day on the mirror and, oh! the blush i put on makes me look so flustered and cute.

i was sculpted by the gods to sit next to you and look pretty, to show me off to all your friends, to post our pictures and make them all jealous.

he's so fun, he's so cool and artsy, he gives you all his love, you've never fucked as hard as after you've screamed at me and tried to ruin me.

you've never felt a love so wild, the way i put my cigarette between my lips makes you all hot and bothered, the way i look at you and smile with my eyes makes all your friends realize how boring their relationships are.

he's so very exciting, he's so shiny sitting next to you. but you always get bored of it. two years is how long his curse lasts. they weren't made to meet the parents, or to ever be a part of your friend group. i'm the one you make all your worst mistakes with before you find the one, the pretty little stepping stone to the true love of your life. i'm damaged goods, i'm too intense, im perfect to take on car rides and kiss next to the river at night. i'm the one you'll think about to excite you when you're bored of making love to your person. the craziest love you've ever felt, that can only last for two rides of the sun across the constellations. and in 10 years from now maybe you'll all still think of how my dark eyes shined under the night sky, at 5am while your true love is fast asleep in bed next to you. your calm and collected love. the obvious choice to make future plans with. i'm just the one for the wild rides, to look like the prettiest thing you've ever seen right before you strike my face.

and he looked so pretty crying after you left them that you just had to screw him one more time. they'll smile or cry at your demand, you can hit him and bruise him all you want and you'll know that's not nearly even on the list of the worst things he's seen.

you're the most amazing man i've ever met, can i fuck you again when the love of my life leaves me for a season? they'll always be there on their knees. always ready to feel your love with his imagination.”

The poem shown above, written on February 17th, was the starting point for my project about love, about finding a way to portray a feeling. Although the words themselves aimed for the specific through my own experiences and how people perceived them, when friends of mine reacted to the poem by feeling seen and understood, even if coming from a very different perspective, I realized it could be used in an artwork to mobilize the viewer to reflect on their own relationships, way of loving and being loved. 

For the most part, love has felt like a situation that happened to me, a feeling I stumbled upon and had to chase through whatever means necessary. Part of this can be blamed on something I’ve found to be very common among marginalized people, and it starts in childhood. Love is never just a feeling, so pure and vague that it can bypass the restraints of our oppressive reality; from a very young age, everyone feels social pressure, be it by parental figures or the media, to imagine themselves in romantic relationships as a natural and obligatory part of being. It’s also in childhood that we are most vulnerable to make these dreams exactly as it is seen and most accepted around us, without being able to critically access why Prince Charming is so often cisgender, white, able-bodied, skinny and so on. No matter how open-minded someone ends up being as an adult, there are years of unknowingly expecting a love that excludes marginalized people, and in turn, the same things are felt when you belong to a minority group.

Regardless of the community we fit into, we grow up being told we are undesirable, and sequentially, undeserving of love, which leads people with intersectional identities to a much more vulnerable position of accepting unworthy, sometimes even abusive relationships. Even in healthy relationships, falling in love with people who are not familiar with this experience can often still make us feel like, as I mentioned in my poem, “they weren't made to meet the parents, or to ever be a part of your friend group”. Not only that, but we are also more vulnerable to staying in these relationships because being loved can be a temporary fix for every time we were told to be unloveable and inferior. As Simone De Beauvoir puts it in her book ‘The Second Sex’ (1949) “The young girl dreamed of herself as seen through men's eyes, and it is in men's eyes that the woman believes she has finally found herself. [...] The woman in love feels endowed with a high and undeniable value, she is at last allowed to idolize herself through the love she inspires. She is overjoyed to find in her lover a witness” (pp. 678-679); although she makes this point for women, I argue that it also explains the feelings of other minority groups I have discussed previously.

“No doubt it was someone playing the role of leader who conjured up the notion that we "fall in love," that we lack choice and decision when choosing a partner because when the chemistry is present, when the click is there, it just happens-it overwhelms-it takes control.” Bell Hooks, ‘All About Love’ (2000) (p.171)

On the other hand, this experience of being helpless to romantic feelings can be explained through one of the theses of 'All About Love': true love is not a volatile and elusive emotion, but rather an action, a verb. In both the poem and the visuals for the film, I aimed to portray the idea of being loved, and admired for said love, that is based on the social performance that encompasses what it is to be me, but never gets to the root of who I am. In pursuing relationships with people whose love we “fall” helplessly into at first sight, chasing the “click” felt for who they want to portray themselves as, leads one steadily into the path of connections that value a lover’s words and social facade over those words told without speaking, in their actions and treatment towards oneself, themselves, and others around them.

By choosing to seek instead the connections made through someone’s behaviour rather than the attraction to ideas of how they are perceived, we invite in the love found through steadfast acts of care, that are unconditional to frivolous changes. Although, for this to be possible, there has to be a previous effort on both sides to be self-aware of one’s emotional needs and wants, as Hooks continues “If you do not know what you feel, then it is difficult to choose love; it is better to fall. Then you do not have to be responsible for your actions”. With romance based on choice, we avoid lovers whose actions show the opposite of their words, love and admiration that lack understanding of our true selves, and alienating endings that evade the responsibility of someone’s behaviour that can otherwise be blamed on a transient nature of feelings.

Hooks, B. (2000) All About Love. New York: HarperCollins. 

De Beauvoir, S. (1949) The Second Sex. Reprint, London: Random House.

[idy-ll-ique]

Paparazzi.

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x F!Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst

Warnings: TOO META, m*sturbation, mentions of s*x

Requested: nope

Summary: I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me... Y/N Y/L/N writes Marvel fanfictions. One day, Sebastian stumbles upon her account and, unable to help himself, reads all the stuff she has written about him. He didn't mean to fall so hard for her but he does. How can he not? She has shown him parts of himself that he never even knew existed.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! Okay so a few weeks ago I read a similar (but dark) fanfic and I really wanted to write a softer version of it... Enjoy!

---

Same old, boring routine.

Y/N hit post and slumped against the headrest of her bed, sighing. She waited; a minute, then two passed and she noticed that someone had liked her post. She smiled to herself as she kept her phone away. Though boring, she wouldn't trade her life for the world. Y/N… well, she was a university student first and foremost but she was also a writer.

Being a big fan of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, she had started writing fanfictions a few years ago. She posted them on Tumblr, where her blog, though not very well-known, stood out enough for her posts to get around 800-1000 likes per post. She loved it; she loved writing, she loved posting her stories and especially, she loved the feedback.

Sometimes people were rude, but most times, the reviews she got were fantastic. She read each and every one of them, smiling goofily as people freaked out over her fanfictions. It warmed her heart. A smile automatically blooming on her face, Y/N lay down on the bed and decided to go to sleep, it being almost 3 am.

Unbeknownst to her, someone else was up at the same time, tossing and turning in his bed, restless.

Sebastian sighed as he sat up, running a hand through his hair. He drank some water and lay down again, closing his eyes but it was like sleep was mad at him. Refused to be anywhere near him. He groaned to himself and picked up his phone from the nightstand, deciding to go through Instagram, hoping he'd finally fall asleep to the glare of the screen.

As he logged into his account, he skipped the activity page and went straight to the explore page. Bored, he continued scrolling until his eyes landed on a specific photo. And the breath escaped his lungs when he clicked on it; the woman in the picture was absolutely gorgeous. He just couldn't resist going to her page, smiling widely when he read her bio.

It gave him her basic information; her name, her age, the university she attended. But what caught his eye was the link below the bio. My Marvel Fanfictions Master List. Marvel fanfictions? She was a writer? Smirking, he clicked on the link and it took him to Tumblr. Of course, he'd heard of the site, but didn't have an account on there. At 3 am, his mind sure wasn't working right.

A post popped up on the screen, the same master list she had mentioned earlier. And his eyes bulged out of their sockets; damn, those are a lot of fanfictions. He went through the whole thing, smirking again when he noticed that she had written the most fanfictions about him. Not Bucky Barnes, no, Sebastian Stan.

He clicked on the first one. The date of posting was way back, in 2019. He started reading; nothing about it felt weird to him; he was intrigued, if anything. And as he continued reading, he couldn't help but imagine her being in the stead of the female protagonist. Her, the writer. The woman whose picture had made him end up reading in the first place.

When he finished the story, his heart thudded wildly in his chest. Wow, she really has a way with words. And he had also noticed how in the author's note, she used a lot of slang but reading the story had made him realize that she had an amazing, extensive vocabulary. He went back to the master list and clicked on the latest post under his name.

Posted: 15 minutes ago.

His breath hitched in his throat when he read the warnings: there was going to be sexual intercourse in this one. For one moment, he hesitated; did he really want to read this? "Oh fuck it," he huffed and scrolled, starting to read. The more he read, the more his shaft twitched in his pants. He wasn't really like that during… but oh damn, he wasn't complaining.

"Oh, Seb…"

His hand slid down and he rubbed himself through his boxers, unable to take his eyes off the text in front of him. His strokes got harder and faster as the sex got steamier. "Ungh, I'm gonna cum—" And he suddenly came in his boxers, groaning. Slumping down on the bed, he quickly finished reading the rest of it, going back to the master list.

He took a screenshot with the account's name in it and then went back to her Instagram account to take another screenshot. Keeping his phone away, he slipped out of his boxers, cleaned himself and pulled the covers on top of him, finally feeling tired enough to fall asleep.

---

Y/N was walking across the campus of her university, going to the cafeteria when her phone buzzed in her pocket. Taking it out, she opened Tumblr to read the message someone had sent her just then.

his-username: Hi there! I was binging your account last night, you write really well

your-username: Omg thank you!!!! I really appreciate it, I love getting feedback! 🥺❤

his-username: You're welcome! Especially your latest post, that was really good ;)

your-username: hehe 😈 glad you liked it!

Smiling widely, she kept her phone away and continued walking, not knowing that the person who had texted her was the same man she had written about. Sebastian smiled to himself when he read her text. After getting up in the morning, the first thing he had done was install Tumblr on his phone. Then he made an account for himself.

Figuring out the app was easy; he found out that there was an option to keep your liked posts and the accounts you followed hidden, and selected it immediately. No one needed to know what he did on the app. Then he went back to her account, pressed the follow button and started binge-reading her fanfictions again. Last night had he read only two, and that had left him wanting more.

Funny how much things can change in a night. He liked and reblogged all her posts without a second thought; he even read all her Bucky Barnes posts. She understood his character so well, put him on what he thought was an undeserved pedestal while writing about him. Some of the stories were AUs, which he found out stood for Alternate Universes. Mostly mobster or mafia stuff.

He had the day off, and he spent the entire time cooped up in his apartment, on his bed, reading. The more he read, the more he started fawning over her, over the version of him that she put out to the world. Dominating, suave and just perfect. He loved it. At the end of the day, he decided to text her again, hoping she wouldn't think he was weird or find out the truth.

his-username: do you wanna be friends, maybe? I'm new to the app, don't really have any friends here ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

That was a lie, he knew Mark Ruffalo had an active Tumblr account. But it's not like he could tell him.

your-username: Yes sure!!!! I was also thinking of making some friends on this app lol

his-username: You don't have any on here? But you've been here for years, haven't you?

your-username: haha yeah, but I don't really reach out to people much. Sometimes people leave their feedbacks on my posts, text me but that's that

his-username: Ohhh

his-username: well, let's start with names. Mine's Sebastian

your-username: Really?????? omg that's so cool lmaooooooo (didn't think you were a boy but 😳👀)

his-username: Not a boy, I'm a man 😤😂

your-username: 🤣 im y/n, btw

his-username: Y/N, that's a nice name

your-username: thank you!!!! So, what do you do?

his-username: nothing really that interesting, I'm in theatre

your-username: theatre is nice! I'm studying at [university] in New York lmao

his-username: Wait you're in New York? So am I!

your-username: ASDFHKSHKGF that's awesome!!! also I noticed that you've been going through my account the whole day 😏 notifications upon notifications keeping my phone busy

his-username: Oopsie?

your-username: 😂😂 I really don't mind, it was great! Despite the amount of likes on my posts, I only have a few loyal followers lmao gaining one more felt nice

your-username: You a big fan of Sebastian Stan? Cuz I noticed that you were only reading his and Bucky's fics 👀

Sebastian's face heated up.

his-username: kinda yeah 🤷🏻‍♂️😁

your-username: Cool cool cool, I'm a big fan of his too!!!! also got a crush on him but whatever 😳

Sebastian smirked at his phone. A crush on him, huh? That… was acceptable. He suddenly felt his cocky side coming out; the one she described in nearly all her fanfictions.

his-username: wouldn't blame ya, I mean, look at him. You have also written the most fics about him and Bucky

your-username: right????? damn that man has raised my standards. Anyway, I gtg now, I have to finish a paper before midnight. ttyl!

his-username: Bye! 👋🏻

He kept his phone away and took in a deep breath. This was the most fun he had had in years, and he was not letting her go so easy. He realized he was quickly falling for her; rather unhealthy, but he couldn't help it. Look at her. She looks like a goddamn angel, writes like one, makes him feel like one, do you really expect him not to fall for her? That's insane.

---

Months passed by like a breeze. Y/N and Sebastian had become very good friends, and he knew his way around words just enough to keep her from finding out his identity while not lying to her. Y/N also appreciated his friendship, because he was the one to whom she could rant about her most favorite man in the world— Sebastian Stan.

Sometimes, she thought about how weird of a coincidence it was that her new friend and the actor shared the same names, but then she used to brush it off; that was a common name, right? They talked for hours on end; Sebastian (her friend, not the actor) was extremely witty, smart and fun to talk to, she had to admit. Sebastian felt the same way.

His feelings had worsened. Y/N entirely owned his heart now. Somedays, he'd just go on Instagram, go to her account— her username memorized by him— and stare at her photos until he grew tired; he'd never get tired of looking at her beautiful face but his stiff body afterwards begged to differ. She was just so Elysian. He longed for the moment when he could meet her in real life.

His personality had also changed majorly, and people had caught on. Especially his Marvel co-stars, who knew him to be introverted, shy and, in Anthony Mackie's words, "boring". They were surprised at his sudden change in attitude; he knew his worth and Y/N had helped tremendously in finding it. Now, all those adjectives that she used in her fanfictions fit him perfectly.

Sebastian was never tempted to read fanfictions about himself from authors other than Y/N. No, he only loved her work. He was sure no one else could write as beautifully as she did, he was her #1 fan. Y/N even sent him funny Marvel memes she found on the app and he used to enjoy them heartily; God, the others have no idea what they're missing out on. Our fans are awesome.

Everything was going well.

Until one day.

Sebastian was getting bored at home, so he decided to go to the nearby library to clear his mind. He had read not one book in the past few months, hung up on Y/N's fanfictions. At this point, he was obsessed with her and he knew it. It was nothing dark, per se, it was— it was similar to how Y/N was attracted to Sebastian. How she was a fan of his work.

Just the same. He was a fan of her work in the same way. Just how she was attracted to him, he was attracted to her. Walking into the library that he visited often, he gave the librarian a smile and ventured further into the dark place. He checked his watch; the library closed at 12 am, it was currently 9:30 pm.

Not many people were around, heck, nobody was around. He thought himself to be all alone until he heard it. A sigh, coming from a few aisles away. He walked in that direction and peeked around the corner, freezing when he saw the other person. Y/N? Her books were strewn all across the table as she sat alone at the booth, rubbing her temples.

"You okay?"

She looked up and her breath caught in her throat. I'm dreaming. This is not real. Now I know for a fact that Sebastian Stan is not standing in front of me, asking me if I'm— "Hello?" He snapped his fingers in front of her face, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I, uh— I'm— h-hi," she stammered and he almost chuckled. "Hi." She gulped visibly and blinked at the table, not meeting his eyes.

"Can I have a seat?" He wants to sit with me?! "Y-Yes, sure, sir," she blurted out and he easily slid into the booth next to her. "Hey, please, call me Sebastian. What's your name?" He gave her a friendly smile, even though all he wanted to do was push her back into the booth and kiss her wildly. His shaft twitched just by thinking about it; Y/N was a thousand times more beautiful in person.

"I'm Y/N, it's very nice to meet you, I'm… I'm a fan," she admitted, playing with the ring she wore on her left thumb. I'm your fan too, sweetheart, the biggest one. "Y/N, nice name. You come here often? I haven't really seen you around." She shook her head. "Oh no no, I moved to this part of the city just a week ago, this is my first time here. The library is cozy," she shrugged, easing out of her tense position.

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I know, this place is awesome. Got all my favorite books here," he chuckled and she smiled at him. "What's all this?" A groan left her lips. "Ugh, stupid university work. I have to write a book report but I don't even know what to write about." He smiled gently. "Well, I have a few favorite books, would you like some suggestions?"

"Oh, please! Tell me!"

He started listing some of his favorite works and Y/N noted the names down until he said the last name. At that, she froze. That's the name of my latest— She looked up but he had a smile on his face. "Oh, and the last one is by my favorite author." He took a pause. "Y/N Y/L/N." She froze completely, staring at the man with her jaw dropped.

Sebastian grinned. "We finally meet, Y/N, I've been waiting for months." Her mouth opened and closed several times as she recalled every interaction she had had with her online best friend— scratch that— her celebrity crush. All the times she had confessed her love for Sebastian Stan, all the dirty and inappropriate memes that she'd sent him…

Embarrassment flooded her entire body as she exhaled shakily. "It was you," she croaked out, "On Tumblr, the account— I'm so sorry—" Sebastian frowned in confusion when she blinked back sudden tears, a few still rolling down her cheeks as shame replaced embarrassment. "Y/N, please don't cry…" She looked up at him, his figure blurry due to her tears.

"You've read everything, haven't you? I just— I'm sorry, I don't want to make you uncomfortable—" He pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. Y/N couldn't hug back, though she appreciated the hug especially since it came from him. "You don't know how much you mean to me, doll," he mumbled into her shoulder, using the nickname she often used in the stories she wrote about him. He grew accustomed to it easily.

"Huh?"

He pulled away to wipe her tears. "It was an accident," he admitted, "But I stumbled onto your Instagram account from my explore page. Then I clicked on your account, saw that you wrote Marvel fanfictions and I just couldn't resist the urge to read what you had written. Blame it on 3 am me, to be honest. You're a great writer, and I was immediately drawn to your works. They're awesome.

"They've helped me so much in the past few months. You see this changed attitude that everyone's been talking about lately? All because of you, sweetheart. I'm sorry for keeping my identity secret, but after reading your works, I knew I had to get closer to you. I made the Tumblr account just for you, just so I could talk to you. I'm sorry for lying, but thank you."

Y/N dumbfoundedly stared at him for a few moments, her heart beat getting steady with each thump. Here was a man she admired, loved more than anyone else in the world, telling her that he harbored the same feelings for her. How crazy was that?! Not trusting her words, she simply pulled him into another hug. Sebastian wrapped his arms tight around her, pulling her flush against him.

"Can I kiss you, doll?"

She slowly pulled away from him and nodded, shyly biting her lip. Grinning at the endearing gesture, Sebastian cupped her face and leaned in, gently pressing his lips to hers. The kiss grew hungry in a matter of seconds, and Y/N responded just as eagerly. His hands slid down to her waist and tugged on it, pulling her on his lap. She straddled his thighs as they continued kissing.

"Fuck," he groaned when they finally pulled away from each other, out of breath and panting. "You see what you do to me, doll?" Sebastian spoke huskily as he took her hand, placing it right on top of the tent that was forming in his pants. "Oh," Y/N whimpered when she felt him, the sound going straight to his shaft. "How about I take you home and we recreate some of the scenes from your stories, hm?"

"O-Okay."

"Good girl."

---

A/N: What a meta experience 🤡 Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

[httpoiks]

the one

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x gn!reader

tags: post timeskip, past relationship, hurt/no comfort

warnings: past relationship, neglect, unrequited love (?)

word count: 0.7k

author’s note: im not dead! this is crazy! i write for haikyuu one (1) time and drop off the face of the earth lol! anyway this was based off of “the 1″ by taylor swift because i felt it was quite appropriate considering ushijima’s very,,, singular,,,, character

masterlist

He’s on the television again. His face in blinding gymnasium lights, all sweat and seriousness. You scoff as you always do and turn to face your roommate. 

“Hey, Satsuki? Can we change the channel?” You hope she doesn’t notice the quiver in your voice or the desperation behind your eyes. Your fingers drum a familiar beat on your thigh subconsciously and once you realize, you make fists from your hands.

She turns to pout at you from the opposite end of the couch. “Y/n, come on! He’s the hottest guy on the national team! Don’t you want to watch his interview? Be a little patriotic!” She gestures wildly towards the television, but you refuse to spare him another look.

“You know how I feel about volleyball-” You start, but she scoffs loudly in return. 

“All because of some ex-boyfriend? It’s not like he’s a pro now--so what are the chances of you seeing him again! Just chill and ogle this hunk with me, please?”

It takes everything in you not to tell her that the chances of you seeing him again were much higher than she thought and, in fact, you’re seeing him right now. 

Ushijima Wakatoshi, the cannon of Japan. He stands alone in the frame, the interviewer just behind the camera. He’s much bigger now, bulkier, you notice. His hair is shorter--he must have taken your advice and gotten a haircut--and his eyes gleam with a light you only see anymore in your dreams. He’s happy there, in love with his new life, with his new ambitions.

Maybe if you’d been different he would still be in love with you, your mind whispers, ever your greatest foe. Maybe if you were enough he would’ve taken you with him.

Satsuki stares at the television, clearly enthralled with your ex-boyfriend. You relax your hands, straightening your fingers out of a tight fist, and push yourself off the couch. She looks up, startled. “Where are you going?”

“I’m headed to bed.” You state, rounding the couch and heading into the kitchen. 

“But it’s like, super early-”

“I’m just really tired and work was a bitch today, y’know?” She simply nods sagely in understanding before returning her attention to his pixelated picture, eyes fixated upon his figure. “Night, ‘suki.”

“Night!”

You stumble into your room with a glass full of tap water from the sink, closing the door behind you to block out the fiendish sound of his familiar voice. Oh, how you wish you could tell her--how your wish you could tell anyone! Certainly she’d rush to turn off the program and coddle you for hours, profusely apologizing for shoving your ex in your face. Certainly she’d shelter you from any news regarding professional volleyball and the national team, squealing and covering your eyes at every promotional curry ad. Surely, she would do all of these things to keep you safe if you could tell her, but you can’t.

Even now, you still haven’t broken a single promise you made to him.

You remember that night, the low-burning candles and a dinner too cold to bear. Anniversaries forgotten had gone by, and this was just another to add to the list. A dinner you’d cooked, a movie you’d recorded, a smile you’d painted on your face for his seventh chance to make things right, all forgotten for an extra hour of practice. 

Beloved volleyball, beloved victory, beloved sweat and seriousness and stretching out to reach your goals, each one more important than you. Maybe if you were a better partner, better at romance, better at affection, better at love, he would have shown up. But you weren’t and he didn’t, so what was the point? 

Your nice dinner goes into tupperware for his lunch tomorrow. The candles are blown out and the recording is deleted. Pretty smiles and clothes are shed and you crawl into a cold, lonely bed one more time. 

You’re not sure how much longer you can handle it.

He crawls into bed that night, stoic and silent, unaware of the night’s fragile awakenings. The knowledge you gained, knowing that you would never be enough--that nothing would ever be enough, if it were not his beloved volleyball. 

As his breathing slows and he drifts off into sleep, you make up your mind to leave. 

The break-up is hard, the dependence you had in that longstanding relationship shattering down around you. Even now, empty promises you made to him, promising to never discloses the details of your “fleeting” relationship (as if any love you ever had for him could be fleeting). You never broke that promise.

Just like the night you made up your mind to leave, you go to sleep, cold, lonely, and by yourself. 

[opalescient]

haikyuu fic recs — the most beautiful, lovely, breathtaking masterlist (vol. I)

so i’ve been binging fics to cure my sadness, and i thought that these select masterpieces were too magnificent to not be plastered on every billboard ever. some tore my soul into shreds, while others melted said shreds back whole, but all of them made me feel some form of sheer, unadulterated love, so. please enjoy! 🥰⛅️✨

note: all of these fics are exquisite and you should read all of them, but if you’re short of time, those with ☆ are my all-time favourites!

daisuga

butterfly in the subway by bigspoonnoya ☆ | T

Sugawara Koushi has no idea he's already in love with the man he's supposed to hate.

i lovelovelove how all the concepts tied in together like a perfectly wrapped gift

also very wholesome, made me feel so inexplicably warm. like, love can exist everywhere!!! despite everything!!! that’s just so inspiring

i revisited this many times, i think it was (one of) my first haikyuu fics and honestly. it set the bar so high and i have no regrets

you’d fit my lonely arms so perfectly by boxofwonder ☆ | G

“Oh. You're. Not Asahi.”

Calmed down enough that he can speak again, Daichi takes a deep breath, his smile settling on his face easily and wide.

“Not as far as I know, no.”

-

Suga accidentally calls a stranger instead of his best friend, tells him all about his burned batch of cookies before realising, and that particular mistake might turn out the best one he ever made.

major, major fluff

the buildup!!!

god this made my yearning for love so much worse

the perfect stranger by downmoon | T

There’s a man standing outside Suga's door.

Scratch that. Start over.

There’s a man he doesn’t know standing outside his door, holding his sleeping nephew in one arm, with another kid clinging tightly to his free hand.

so domestic please read the entire series from start to finish it has my whole heart

shoyou and tobio as their actual kids 🥺

these two parents are so in love it makes me wanna cry

asanoya

silica sand by lilien passe ☆ | G

Overworked, over-stressed programmer Azumane Asahi works on the top floor of a Shinjuku skyscraper. Nervous around his coworkers and terrified of the long drop on the other side of the window, Asahi falls into a miserable routine, only to have it broken one day by a simple message on the outside of the glass.

PLEASE. so well-written it makes my heart glow and ache simultaneously

made me ascend into asanoya heaven

such a brilliantly unique concept i love it A+

qué syrah syrah by loudlucy | M

Asahi wants to be a Master Sommelier. It's the highest honor in wine service, and the certification would allow him to live the life he's always envisioned for himself. Too bad the certification test is notorious for being the world's most difficult.

Most people fail their first time taking the exam, and Asahi is no exception, but he has more difficulty than most dusting himself off and getting back on his feet. Enter Nishinoya, a young man who shares his same dream, and who believes in their goals so fiercely it forces Asahi to embark on a delicious and sensuous journey of viticulture and validation.

AKA The Wine Tasting AU that literally no one even knew to ask for.

NOTE: You Do Not Need to Know About Wine to Understand This Fic!

another super unique concept!!! (´∀｀=)

my god their chemistry is amazing

the writing made me feel things ngl

stop my bones from wondering by cerasi ☆ | T

After graduation, Asahi hides from the world and needs help from a few sources to find his way back.

i want to write sonnets and sing ballads for this fic, it’s that beautiful

as always, Top Notch Writing *chef’s kiss*

no but i seriously... can i kiss the author? asking for a friend 😳👉🏼👈🏼

iwaoi

star-crossed by starlitcities | T

“I never thought I’d see the day that I’d envy a human,” Oikawa admits, showering himself in tiny suns, because he can actually feels those, like a fusillade of warm kisses on luminous skin that leave marks. To humans, they’d be freckles. Skin stars, Oikawa calls them. He didn’t make that up, a human did.

“Who created the rule that we can’t touch, I wonder,” Iwaizumi ponders, floating heedlessly through space.

“Maybe it’s because we can fly. Humans dream of flying, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

gsjsgsjshsjshsjsj star!iwaoi

they’re LITERALLY STARS

beautifulbeautifulbeautiful i love how the author conveyed the beauty of touch and humanity 🥺🥺

please bless yourself further with the sequel sun-kissed

conquering the great king by suggestivescribe ☆| E

Iwaizumi blinked his gaze over to Oikawa, "Last time was supposed to be a one time thing," he said, voice low, lacking some conviction.

Oikawa's lips twitched into a smirk and he brought them hovering just over Iwaizumi's, "One time thing, Two time thing, what's it matter as long as it's not a Relationship thing?"

yes.

in fact, this entire series (breaking the rules) features daisuga, kuroken, asanoya and it’s SO GOOD. every single one.

but anyway, character development!!!!! plot!!!!!!!!! writing!!!!!!!! i’m here for it all

tsukkiyama

campfire in your chest by deanpendragon ☆ | M

Kei realizes in their second year of high school that he’s probably been in love with Yamaguchi since they were ten. However hopeless he might be in handling that situation, Kei prays he’s at least not as hopeless as Hinata and Kageyama. But he just might be.

SO BEAUTIFUL

i am also a sucker for anything with stars, moons and all the love in between

no words to describe this work of art please just go read it and be blessed

under the lilac tree by raewrites | G

there’s a lilac tree in Kei’s backyard.

gorgeous in its simplicity

softtsukkisofttsukkisofttsukki

not as grandiose as the rest but the love written into every word, action and character is absolutely show-stopping

kagehina

saffron and cayenne pepper by dontsaycrazy ☆ | T

Cooking is hard. Even if you have your very attractive, very grumpy neighbor there to help you.

-

In which Hinata's lack of cooking skills are a danger to him and others. Luckily (or not), Kageyama is willing to teach him, if only for the sake of avoiding any burned down apartments.

the essence of their characters were captured so well and yet it’s like they’re completely new characters too? author, whoever you are, you totally owned this

this made me ship kagehina so hard

fluff! cuteness! lots and lots of cooing!

kuroken

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony ☆ | T

soulmate

/ˈsəʊlmeɪt/ • noun

A person who was made from the same star as you.

-

// Kuroken AU where the last words your soulmate will say to you appear on your skin when you turn 16, and how Kenma and Kuroo learn what this means over the course of their lives.

ahhh here it is. beautiful, heartbreaking, soul-emptying agony. you want angst? choke on this, and your tears later on.

no but seriously please read this if you haven’t you won’t regret it at all i promise

written from kenma’s perspective so you experience every depth and multitude of emotion he does and it’s so raw and- brb imma go cry for a sec

knot in my heart by hearthope | T

There’s a picture. Kenma blinks, looking at the little calico cat, being held up next to the face of a guy with stupidly messy hair and a crooked grin.

Cute.

The— the cat. The cat is cute.

Just the cat.

-

Kuroo starts spending a lot of time at the flower shop Kenma works at. Kenma definitely isn't into him.

okay so i like it when authors unravel a normally stoic character’s full scope of emotion and give them depth, sue me.

anyway, back on the fluff train!

i absolutely f*ck with flower symbolisms, cats and bitchy best friends who have dirt on each other. the layers of romance, friendship and everything in between is so prettily developed 10/10

bokuaka

the jacket you never returned by daisuga ☆☆ | G

He leaned over, kissed Bokuto on the cheek, and smiled bitterly, eyes watery.

He will never remember. Not now, not ever.

What they were will now forever be forgotten.

-

"You used to call me Keiji, Koutarou."

YOU USED TO CALL ME KEIJI, KOUTAROU!!!!!!!!!!

i beg you to listen to Spiegel im Spiegel when it’s first mentioned in the story please

i read this and screamed through my tears for a solid 1.5 hours. i rarely cry.

no f*ckin regrets though i read this thrice already and it hurts so good every time

rules by conesofdunshire ☆☆ | E

In which Akaashi Keiji is an overworked accountant who stumbles upon Bokuto one night playing the piano in the lobby of his work. Bokuto is different, that much is obvious. But with such supreme musical talent and a smile so dazzling it rivals the sun, there's just something about him that brings Akaashi back every night.

this fic. this fic has my whole, broken, sobbing heart and laughing soul

gorgeous. breathtaking. magnificent.

bokuto is so WARM and akaashi is so STRONG and they both find the solace they need in each other and it’s all i want for me 😭😭😭

in another life by littleluxray | T

Sleeping didn't come as easy as it used to. Bokuto knew this, and now Akaashi did, too.

The hospital AU that no body asked for, but that I took upon myself to write.

this is a famous fic that i doubt any seasoned haikyuu reader wouldn’t know, and RIGHTLY SO BECAUSE, the PAIN. the pain. the pain.

i could feel my lungs shrivel up and my chest cave in on itself. fatigue and rest are things i struggle with too so this whole story resonated with me from start to finish, and it broke me. in like, the best, most revitalising way

i would read this again but it still haunts me at night. i need to heal from the first time before i have the guts to try one more time HAHAHA 😆💔😭

tea-stained polaroids by dalyeau | G

“I'm gonna date that,” Bokuto declares solemnly, and Kuroo throws a plastic spoon at his head.

mmmmmmm pretty photographer + personalised coffee cups + cute baristas = diabetic fluff fic

i smiled so much throughout this you have no idea. cheeks achey but so good

i may have squealed a little at the ending

kurotsukki

moonfall by batman | T

There is no unlearning Tetsurou, after all. There is only leaving him.

-

(Five things of Tetsurou's that ended up in Kei's home, and one that never left.)

the writing!!!!!! is pure beauty!!!! sheer grace!!!!!!! the construction of the AU and the romanticism and hsjsgsjshsj

didn’t cry but. heart ache and bittersweet smiles are another level of misery that is just as fulfilling

yea just pleasepleasepleaseplease go read it thank you and have a good day

hidden gem by realmSpinner | E

Things get complicated when everything you thought you knew about a guy changes, and they get even more complicated when you actually start liking those changes.

That guy working with you AND becoming your neighbor? That's just a cherry on top of the cake of confusion.

this AU was refreshingly different, and amazingly so

top!tsukki??? sign me the f*ck up

the whole plot, man. perfection.

pings by barfs ☆☆ | T

[5/02/16, 3:50:17 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Please wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:50:23 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I hate begging. You know I hate it.

[5/02/16, 3:50:34 AM] Tsukishima Kei: I bet you’re snickering at that, wherever you are.

[5/02/16, 3:50:53 AM] Tsukishima Kei: But, it keeps hurting and I don’t know why and it feels like shit and I know you could tell me why, but you’re not here and I would really appreciate it if you’d just wake up.

[5/02/16, 3:51:02 AM] Tsukishima Kei: You’re laughing at that too, aren’t you.

[5/02/16, 3:51:10 AM] Tsukishima Kei: Dying is probably up there in the list of top ten shitty things you’ve ever done, and you’ve done a lot of shitty things.

god.

you already know what’s coming, and yet. when it comes.

how the f*ck did the author make grief beautiful????????? (at the expense of me dying along with kei and everyone else i guess)

this fic will ruin you and bury you under all your pain (i hope you’re ready)

but also put you back together with the “sequel”

kyouhaba

close to the chest by darkmagicalgirl | T

It takes Yahaba thirteen years to realize he's different from the other kids, one to figure out how to hide it, and two more to learn to be happy just the way he is. Yahaba's journey ft. an extremely annoyed Kyoutani, best friend in the world Watari, and loads and loads of good senpai Oikawa.

cause i’m (not) alright with the slow, burn~

no fr, take slow and burn very seriously

overthinking yahaba? i understand. i do.

again, such an amazing fic; 10/10 recommend

safe here by crossbelladonna ☆ | M

“Raids are routine work,” Kyoutani tells to Yahaba before he can air the question. “Sometimes there is no sleep done until we accomplish something, say kill a certain ghoul. I guess they’re still going through the possibility that people in the accident are still alive huh?”

Yahaba quirks a smile, pushing his mask up his head.

“You’re alive.”

Kyoutani looks at him intently and all of the things that they’ve gone through for the past month seems to flash in his mind.

“Yes I am.”

i haven’t watched tokyo ghoul but i understood everything perfectly. such is the power of f*cking kickass writing

*cue ugly crying and a lot of unresolved angst*

like the grief??????? ruin me please thank you 🙏 (i think i’m a little masochistic)

rare pairs

mannequin men by surveycorpsjean ☆ | M

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tuskishima]

The modelling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.

In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.

i did not expect this to be good, and it wasn’t. it was SPLENDID.

akaashi is so enamoured with them from the get go i love it

a tiny bit of angst that stabbed me in the heart, but the happy ending soothed it (thankfully, because if there wasn’t one i will sue)

characterisation, writing, plot development; everything is great. can you tell i’m running out of synonyms for ‘beautiful’

feel like gold by heronfem ☆☆ | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/kenma]

In which Kenma is unapologetic and comfortable with who he is, Akaashi learns a lot about himself in a short period of time, Kuroo is wildly in love and an eternal survivor, and Bokuto remembers that love doesn't cure mental illness, but having a support system sure helps a lot.

Or, the one where 4 young men get together, and are helplessly, hopelessly, utterly in love despite everything.

e.e. cummings?? poetry??? f*ck yes

so beautiful. i’m so star-struck by this fic it’s simply stunning

there are no words to fully capture how worth your time and heart and mind reading this fic is so please. do yourself a favour, and fall in love with this fic with me

the sky and guilt are the only feelings i have left by oopsthisisqueertoo ☆☆ | not rated

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo]

Akaashi is at his wits end. He feels nothing. He's quickly crumbling as a human being. He wants nothing but sweet release of death. In his fourth year of college he drafts a plan for his suicide. He is to graduate, publish writing for others to be inspired by, and slip quietly away. Shortly after, he meets a dog walker named Bokuto who asks him out and Akaashi reluctantly agrees. Nothing matters anymore and he treats Bokuto like an obligation. Until he's not anymore.

TW: SUICIDE ATTEMPTS & DEPRESSION

this was... this gutted me entirely and filled my body with too many shades of agony

arguably one of the best haikyuu fics i’ve ever read

so beautiful in the most painful way fathomable; strongly recommend

april to may by surveycorpsjean | T

[bokuto/akaashi/kuroo/tsukishima]

They're an odd family.

The four of them? Parents?

But still, they're a family.

So they'll support each other until the end.

aaahhhhh third gym as parents 🥺

so much fluff. i also love april and may

they’re still so in love there’s love in every millimetre of this fic :”)

that’s it for now! i’ll add more if i come across anymore good fics. i hope you enjoyed this list! if you have any requests/fic recs, or if u just wanna chat, feel free to just ask! hehe 🥰 k aight bye~

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART XV - Ok, so that is the final part (there will be an epilogue, but this is pretty much the end). Eris is not doing too well, just a warning that there is mentions of blood. Thank you to everyone who reads.

OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY I TOOK FOREVER TO GET THIS UP. and omgggg im so sad this is ending soon

Prince of Ashes. Part XV.

Eris jolted awake, lurching to a sitting position, nearly falling out of his bed as he tried to calm his breathing. It took him a moment to recognize that he was in his old rooms at The Forest House, not his cottage.

“Not real,” Eris spoke into his empty room, his eyes clenched shut, “Not real.” Eris hadn’t seen his brothers die, and it was on nights like these when he wished he had, if only to know that the dreams weren’t real.

In his dreams, his worst nightmares, Cato and Owain would beg Eris to save them and all he could do was watch as they met their end. The Mother must truly hate him, Eris thought, to torment him like that in his sleep.

Eris fisted his hands in the sheets, hating the quiet of the room and quickly lighting a fire only to fill the horrible silence. The flames danced, tiny embers popping off the logs and falling to the dark wood outside the fireplace. His room was still too quiet.

Eris took a deep breath as he tried to settle his nerves and almost tripped as he hurtled for the bathroom. Eris fell to his knees in front of the toilet, bracing himself over the porcelain bowl as he retched, glad that he’d once again forgotten to eat dinner as he coughed over and over again. Each time Eris took a breath, he could smell the blood on his hands. Owain had laughed at him once decades ago, claiming that Eris had a better nose than his hounds.

Eris curled his hands into fists at the memory, not wanting to think about his brother. Eris, upon his fathers orders, had spent the last two days torturing a rebel group that had formed a steady following in the past ten years. The smell of their blood, clinging to the pale skin of Eris’s knuckles and getting stuck under his nails, was making him dizzy.

He tried not to think about how much it bothered him to do those sorts of things, but at night, as soon as his head hit his pillows, his mind wouldn’t stop reeling. He could practically hear his father’s voice, knowing he’d call him weak, knowing his father would call him a horrible heir. His father’s voice often battled with that of his mother’s. Eris growled, pushing himself up off the floor, the iron scent of faerie blood lingering in his nostrils as he stumbled to the sink.

He reached for the bar of soap on the counter, trying again to wash the smell of blood from his hands. The honeysuckle scented soap did nothing but mask the smell of the blood, and he knew that he could wash them a hundred times that night and it still wouldn’t make anything better. Eris had washed his hands raw before he’d fallen onto his bed, completely exhausted. He hadn’t even bothered changing into sleeping clothes, had merely kicked off his boots and thrown his jacket onto a chair.

The smell of the blood was stronger as Eris splashed cool water onto his face and he fought his urge to gag once more.

Eris walked back into his bedroom, drying his hands with a small towel, but he paused when he saw his reflection in the mirror. Eris inched closer, dropping the towel onto the dresser, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt as he placed the palms of his hands on the smooth wooden surface. There were wild flames in his eyes, flaring uncontrollably in reds, oranges, and yellows.

Eris frowned, willing the fire to disappear. His frown deepened when nothing happened. “I’m in control,” Eris muttered. He tried picturing dying embers in his mind, just as his mother had taught him, but if it were possible, the flames seemed brighter. “I’m in control,” Eris repeated, his voice a low growl, the fingers of his one hand curling into a fist. Eris hadn’t struggled with taming his magic like this in over a century.

He was still looking in the mirror, at the sharp lines of his face, at the harsh line of his mouth, as he scowled. Eris thought he had never looked more like his father.

One moment, Eris had been standing still, the next, he’d moved as quick as a snake. He threw his fist forward with all his strength, the glass of the mirror cracking under the impact, his flaming eyes still visible in every shard. Eris punched the mirror again, small fragments of glass clinking against the floor.

The smell of faerie blood hadn’t really gotten any better, Eris realized, probably because it was still under his nails, in the lines of his palm, in the wrinkles on the knuckles of each finger.

A beastly snarl ripped from his throat as he grabbed the carved wooden frame of the mirror, ripping it off the dresser only to slam it against the floor. The glass finally fell from the frame, shattering, but Eris continued to hit the frame against the hardwood floor.

Eris was tired and angry and he didn’t want to see his own reflection, would have preferred if he never had to look in a mirror again. He broke the wood of the mirror, splinters littered around his bare feet along with the small pieces of glass. Eris threw what remained in his hands at the opposite wall, surprising himself when it turned into ash before it crashed against the stone. Eris ran a trembling hand through his long hair, his chest heaving with each breath.

He took a step back, leaning against the dresser before he slid to the floor, eyes clenched shut. “I’m in control,” he whispered, hoping the lie would become a reality.

Eris had always been aware of the little control he had in his life, but only very recently had he started feeling like a puppet with strings. Everything his father asked, Eris did, a cruel smile on his face all the while. Eris couldn’t even bear to look at his mother, didn’t want to face that kind of disappointment.

Eris breathed in from his nose slowly, opening his eyes as he reached for a larger shard of the mirror right by his hand. He angled it so he could see his face, and tightened his hold along the edges when he saw there were still flames in his eyes. 

Blood leaked from where Eris gripped the sharp glass, dripping along his hand, down to his wrist, and onto the floor. He had hoped that perhaps the pain would anchor him, offer him some control on his magic, but it didn’t even hurt. 

“Eris?”

Eris flinched, startled, dropping the bloodied shard and knocking the back of his head against the dresser with a loud thud. His mother had spoken so softly, he shouldn’t have jumped like that. He ran his uninjured hand through his hair, “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

She ignored his question, pushing the heavy door to his room open and slipping inside, asking another question of her own. “What are you doing?”

Eris took a breath, “I’ve made a real mess of things.” He waved his bloodied hand in front of him, and the Lady of Autumn gasped, but Eris just continued speaking. “Just a horrible, horrible mess of things.”

“What happened?” Eris could hear the panic in his mother’s tone, but he just shrugged, shaking his head.

She walked towards him on silent bare feet, “Watch the glass,” Eris barked. He must have looked quite frightening with the flames in his eyes shining bright in the dark of the room.

She didn’t even pause, expertly stepping around the pieces of the mirror, before she sat down right beside him. Close, but not touching. Her russett eyes hadn’t stopped looking at his hand. “Oh, Eris,” she breathed, a slight tremor in her voice, “There’s glass in your knuckles.” Eris hadn’t noticed. When he lifted his other hand to brush the pieces away, his mother placed a hand on his arm. “Not like that,” she said a tad sharply.

Eris faced her, and while she might have been slightly horrified to see what he’d done to his hand, she reminded Eris of the female he remembered from his childhood. She lifted her chin, her mouth set in a firm line and her back straight. Even in her nightgown, her hair in a messy braid over her shoulder, she was a force to be reckoned with. “You’ll make it worse like that.” She reached past his head to grab the towel he’d thrown onto the dresser, “Give me your hand.”

Eris scowled, he was too old to be getting told what to do by his mother. She raised a brow at him and Eris scrunched his nose, doing as she said. With gentle fingers, she slowly pried all the pieces of glass from his hand, wincing when blood dripped from his knuckles. “Tell me what happened,” it wasn’t a request.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Eris mumbled, he definitely wasn’t going to tell her why, he didn’t want her to know what kept him up at night. “And then I couldn’t get the scent off.”

The Lady of Autumn lifted her son’s hand closer to her face, sniffing subtly, “What scent?” 

Eris shook his head, refusing to answer. He didn’t know whether or not the High Lord had told his wife what his son had been spending much of his time doing as of late.

“I smell nothing but blood, Eris.” There was no judgement, no frustration, in her tone. She held his large hand in one of her much smaller ones, certain there was no more glass, as she pushed the towel against his knuckles.

“Me too,” Eris muttered, amber eyes following his mother’s every move. He couldn’t remember the last time he had spoken to his mother for this long. He guessed that it must have been at Cato and Owain’s funeral. Eris hadn’t wanted to speak with her, not after he’d broken his oath to protect Lucien, not after he’d managed to fail at the only thing his mother had ever asked of him. Eris felt a burning behind his eyes and blinked a few times, taking a small breath.

His mother flipped his hand once his knuckles had mostly healed, but the deep cut he’d gotten from gripping onto the sharp shard of the mirror was still bleeding. It might even scar, Eris thought. The Lady of Autumn sighed, “I wish I knew what was going on in that head of yours.”

Eris was glad she didn’t know what was going on in his head, thanked the cauldron that his mother was not a daemati. His head was a horrible place to be, especially lately, now that he felt overwhelmed with everything.

Lagos had tried apologizing countless times. Eris had kicked him out of his cottage, had pulled rank and ordered him not to return, but that hadn’t stopped him yet. Eris wondered how long he’d keep it up. Eris hadn’t tried talking to Micah, and he knew perfectly well that Micah wouldn’t come to him, that he’d let Eris make the first move always and that wouldn’t change. Widge always came to the cottage and sat with him as he worked; Eris couldn’t shake the feeling that he did so out of pity.

Not only that, but Cato and Owain’s deaths meant that Beron was pitting Maddox and Priam against him. Eris was almost certain they wanted to kill him just to prove to their father that they weren’t as worthless as he’d always thought they were. Rufus was still trying to convince Eris that gaining their father’s trust was an impossible goal, and Eris knew that his actions would eventually push Rufus away. And Lucien was gone, exiled to Spring, and he hated his oldest brother.

Eris clenched his jaw, staring fixedly at the flames flickering in the fireplace on the opposite side of the room.

His mother placed a hand on Eris’s chin, tilting his face so that he looked at her concerned gaze, “Tell me what troubles you.”

Eris could have died at the sob that escaped his lips. He felt a rush of shame, his cheeks heating, as his mother’s eyes filled with tears as well.

His mother hadn’t seen him cry since he was eighteen. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d broken down like this, especially in front of somebody else. Many things troubled Eris, but he’d gotten very good at hiding behind sneers and scowls. Eris didn’t like following his father’s orders, Eris didn’t like smelling the blood on his hands, Eris didn’t like looking in the mirror.

Eris brought his uninjured hand to his face, covering his eyes with it as another sob fell from his mouth. He didn’t like the way his mother looked as if she saw into his soul, if she looked too close he feared she wouldn’t find one. Eris felt his mother wrap her arms around him, her hand going to the back of his head.

“I’m so sorry, Eris,” she whispered, “I’m so terribly sorry.”

Eris didn’t know why she was apologizing. He tried to shake his head, but his mother was still holding him tight.

“I never should have made you take that oath,” she spoke with her lips pressed to his hair. “I’m so sorry, Eris.”

Maybe she was right. That fucking vow had been the start of his downward spiral. Or maybe it hadn’t been. Maybe he’d been spiralling for centuries.

Eris didn’t say anything, he just ever so slowly wrapped his arms around his mother, his chin resting on her too-slim shoulder. Eris didn’t really like being held, hadn’t liked it as a child, but this wasn’t too bad.

He made a funny sounding whimper and bit his tongue to keep himself from doing it again.

“Eris, tell me what troubles you,” she repeated, her fingers pushing his hair over his shoulder as she moved back to look into his eyes. His mother lifted a hand to his face, gently wiping at the tears on his cheeks. “Please.”

Eris shook his head, he could not tell her what he was feeling, not really. His mother had enough to worry about.

He knew her thoughts were with Lucien, and if they weren’t, she was probably thinking about Cato and Owain. She didn’t need to spend any time thinking about what was troubling him, especially since Eris knew it would break her heart to know that he was unhappy.

“I’m alright,” Eris lied. 

“Eris, please,” the Lady of Autumn tried again.

Eris took a deep breath.

He needed to become High Lord, to sit on the Autumn Court throne, and he would do just about anything to steal his father’s crown. Beron had raised a monster, and it would come back to ruin him. He was the Tamer of Flames, the Heir of Autumn, the Prince of Ashes. He was not broken, and he would not break.

So Eris just flashed his mother an empty smile, the iron scent of blood still burning through his nose as he spoke.

“I’m just tired.”

[fangirl-everythang]

You’re Not Leaving Me J.M

Summary: Y/n wants to leave Jason after he’s neglected her for gang duties. Long story short, she doesn’t. 

Warnings: Aggression, swearing, mentions of gang activities, toxic relationship-ish.

Word Count: A bit less than 1500

Today was the day. I want to leave Jason. We've been together for almost three years now and I can't take it anymore. I love him with all of my heart but he's never home. I'm alone in this relationship and he never notices.

I try to stay up to wait for him to come back from his missions but most nights but he just showers and goes to sleep. I get being The Jason McCann, worlds most wanted is hard, but I feel like I'm in a relationship with a brick wall and it's only hurting me. I know- selfish but it's for the best. He'll probably go back to his playboy days anyways.

Yup could you believe it? Jason used to be with a new girl every night, hell when we met we didn't even like eachother. One thing led to another and here we are,  young and madly in love. Wiping the tear that managed to escape my eye thinking about him. Sitting up because Jason will be home in half an hour give or take,  I can pack now.

I begin tearing the fabric from the hangers reminiscing the good days we had. Going through the drawers looking for my charger I stumble upon a picture of Jase and I. I'll never forget it; It was new year's eve and we were on the roof of Zayn and Lo's place. It was our first year together, we were happy. The photo shows us leaning in almost about to kiss with chaos and fireworks all around us, we did the camera just didn't capture it.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\

That's everything.  I set my bags in the kitchen closest to the back door. Awaiting his a rival I just pace a bit while tiding up.

I've been so lonely without him, we barely talk anymore. I'm just there when he needs me. Before he treated me like a princess now I'm equal to his gang members. He's always working late or going out on weekends, I wish I, could, confirm his loyalty busy I have no fucking idea anymore. The ringing of keys at the door distracted me from my previous thoughts.

His face lit up when he saw me "Hey baby" he smiled. It took me by surprise, he hasn't called me baby or in fact any name but the one I was born with in forever. "Hi?" I respond questionly. He just wraps his arms around me and embraced me "I missed you babygirl"

"Are you feeling okay?" I say looking at him. Those eyes, those perfect fucking eyes. The ones that can make my heart flutter with one glance. He looks confused by my question and leans in for a kiss.

If I kiss him I won't want to leave. Christ why does he do this today!

I just doge it by pretending to cough, slowly removing myself from his embrace. "How was your -" "Hold that thought one minute baby I'm just gonna go change really quick I'll be right back"

"But Jase-"

"Right back. " he hurries up the stairs blowing me an air kiss. What the fuck is wrong with him? He suddenly wants to act like a boyfriend that gives a shit.

I waited 20 minutes for Jason to come down stairs, when he didn't I decided to go up. Slowly making my way up what used to be the beautiful steps of our home, I call out his name "Jase?" Reaching the bedroom door I knock but there wasn't a response. Just as I go to open the door it is aggressively pulled open with a not so happy Jason behind it. He's wearing the same clothes. "What happened I thought you were going to change-"

"Shut up" he says lowly.

"What the fuck Jase? "

I'm not scared of him, just his behavior sometimes.

"What the fuck, you tell me y/n," he says with a sinister chuckle. I just look at him confused "So you thought I wouldn't notice your shit missing y/n, what are you trying to do?" I stood there with my arms crossed "Well if you would've let me talk down stairs I would have informed you. "

"INFORM ME ABOUT WHAT Y/N?" He shouts coming closer.

"Jason I can't do this anymore, its, we're not the same" I sigh. He just gets even closer, the vein popping out from the side of his neck. I fidget a bit under his gaze. "So what?  you were just gonna leave? You fucking whore."

"Me a whore, really Jason?! You're unbearable " I yell back my voice straining as I do so. "You're the one who's never home, I don't see you anymore, "

I'm even more frustrated than before, "You know what this isn't worth my time. Good fucking bye Jason" I say turning around but he grabs my arm and yanks me back.

"You're not going anywhere."

"Jase get off of me" I say pulling away from him. His grip just tightens. He harshly pushes me against a wall causing me groan in pain and annoyance, he just looks me dead on the eye. "You're not leaving me. "

I stop fighting back and sigh "Why not? Huh Jase" He doesn't say anything. I just listen to his increased respiration and look at his eyes, they've dilated quite a bit.

"Oh now you wanna be quiet" I say pushing his chest moving past him. "You're pathetic" I spit walking away.

"Y/n wait" he says not turning. Stopping in my tracks I waited for him to continue but after a minute I began descending down the stairs. The memories this place holds will haunt me but I keep reminding myself I need to do this for me. I have too- but he makes me happy or used to at least.

Walking into the living room to pick up my phone, wallet, and keys that are on the table. Leaving Jason is like leaving a piece of me but it's time I make a decision for me, it's gonna hurt but it's for the best. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself.

Walking to the door grabbing my bags and heading out the door loading them into the back of my car. I go back in to make sure I didn't leave anything and Jason is just standing there looking at me. I shift uncomfortably under his gaze but ignore it. "There's food in the fridge and your clothes are done just put them up and u-uhh yeah." He just continues to give me the same blank look. " Jason I don't want us to end on bad terms we can st-" He just looks at me dumbly before I can finish. "Y/n you're really gonna pull that shit on me" I go to speak but he just continued " Three years y/n and you're gonna leave me now. I fucking love you and you're going to leave me. I don't know what to do with myself, I know I'm a shit boyfriend but this is new to me. I need you y/n. My life is not complete without you in it. You're my everything my reason to be here, you make me better in every way." He chokes holding back tears coming closer to me and embracing me , "I'm so sorry baby" he cries into my hair. I just hug him, he needs this. "I know" I coo running my hand through his hair gently letting him calm down. His warm tears flow onto my shirt, I haven't seen Jason break down like this before. He's never cried in front of me. I didn't realize that I was crying until he pulled away to wipe my tears with his thumb. He kisses my forehead and whispers "please don't leave me" I just shake my head "Jase I think th-his will be healthy for us" "Please y/n, I'll try harder , I'll control myself , I'll be better for you. I'll do anything for you y/n" he pleads "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry"

"Jason, I don't -" he interrupts my sentence by smashing his lips on mine. Grasping the back of his neck pulling him closer to me he moves down my neck leaving a trail of wet kisses until he finds my sweet spot. I'm so weak for him. "J-jason" i halfly moan, He just continues to suck and i know exactly what he's doing.

I just let him continue because he wont stop until he’s ready. Running my hands through his hair as he continues his asult on my neck marking me as his. Once he's done he looks to admire his deep purple and red piece of art lightly tracing it he smiles down at me, cupping my cheek. "You're mine, Okay. no one will ever love you like I love you." He softly presses his lips, to mine.

AN:

Hey guys hope you enjoyed it! I know its short,  they get longer I promise. I'm open to anything but im slow as hell. 

ANyways hope your holidays are well. I really think Jason McCann can be played out in so many ways, I cannot wait for you guys to read.

Xoxox-Janelle

[ironkissedmage]

Sub Count

Whoops I had a small idea and once again it got a little out of hand. I tend to write more than I think I will so here’s a little treat I guess! Not sure if it’s long enough to put on ao3, so I’ll let you guys have it first.

Word Count: 2,279

Title: Sub Count

Premise: Dean and Cas have a little bit of a different life after beating Chuck. Cas has started a surprising new job and today he needs Dean’s help. 

---------

“Dean, can you help me set something up?” 

Dean looked up from where he was seated at the kitchen table, a half-empty beer slowly warming in his hands. Castiel was standing in the doorway in one of Dean’s old shirts. They really needed to go shopping for him now that he was human again, but Dean was more than a little happy seeing him in his clothes, so that could wait. Since rescuing Cas from the Empty, he has had to readjust to a life where he needs things. Dean makes sure he eats and doesn’t spend all day in bed. (That one could be a struggle sometimes; he has never seen anyone more reluctant to get out of bed than a newly human Cas.) 

They have all had things to adjust to though. Sam was now the head honcho that all the other hunters called upon for help. He organized hunts and kept the bunker stocked up with rooms ready to go. To say Dean was proud would be an understatement.

Even Dean had done some adjusting after they beat Chuck and got Cas back. He helped Sam out with a few more hunts, killing the occasional vamp or stopping a witch here or there. But by now, Dean realized that he was just plain tired of hunting. He had given so much of himself and his life to it, that what he really longed for was a normal, everyday kind of job. 

So that’s how they ended up here. Sam was always busy, either at the other end of the bunker or out teaming up with others to help out. Dean spent most days at his new job in the nearest town, fixing up cars. And Cas… well Cas found a new job of his own. 

“I need to fix the lighting, Dean. It isn’t right for what I have planned.” Castiel deadpanned, not-so-patiently waiting for Dean to get up from his seat. 

Dean released an amused sigh and pulled himself up out of his chair and followed Cas towards his room. They walked together, Cas being unusually silent.

“So, uh, what is it you’ve got planned that you need me to change the lighting for, Cas?” Dean scratched at the back of his head and turned his eyes away from his best friend. He was reminded of the confession Cas made to him not that long ago. The one Dean never officially responded to. His throat ran dry at the thought and he tried to push it back to the safe little spot it was usually stored away in his mind. He knew how he felt about that and he was sure Cas knew too. He didn’t have to say it. Not yet. Not really.

Instead of answering, Cas just swung his door open to reveal his current setup. Dean had been able to find him an old office chair by the side of the road one day at the start of Cas’s new hobby. Sam had gifted him one of his old laptops then as well. Since then, Cas has managed to upgrade a few things and obtain a decent microphone and camera. Dean never would have pegged Cas as a streamer, but apparently some people liked watching a man with rusty social skills play silly farm games. Dean thought it was endearing. 

What he wasn’t sure was so endearing was the piece of clothing laid on on Cas’s bed.

“Uh, Cas, what’s that?” Dean asked hesitantly. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to know.

“It’s why you’re helping me. I reached 500 subs and this is what the people wanted Dean.”

“They wanted you to put on a maid costume?” The words came out harsher than intended, but come on, Cas.

“Yes.”

Dean blinked. “And you’re going to do that?” 

“Yes. Dean, I don’t understand what is so confusing about this. Do you want to help with the lighting or not?” 

Dean hesitated, but ultimately agreed. He had already said yes; it would just be rude to leave him to do it himself now. So, Dean stowed his crap and moved around the lighting fixtures. Cas had said before that he wanted something called a ring light, and Dean was beginning to understand why. The lighting setup in this place was crap. It’s not like Dean has ever had to worry about that before, but it certainly posed an issue now. 

“You know, Dean,” Cas spoke up as they finally agreed on the outcome of the lighting situation, “They have also expressed interest in having you here with me. You are welcome to stay for the stream.” 

Dean thought he was going to choke.

“Wh-what? Cas, how do they even know about me?” He wouldn’t admit it, but he would be nervous enough in front of a camera, but next to Cas as he was in that, Dean wasn’t sure he would survive. 

“I talk about you a lot. You are my best friend, Dean.” 

And there it was. The proverbial knife in his chest again. Best Friend. It’s not like it wasn’t a title he had forced on them, even after Cas’s confession. Still, it hurt when Cas talked about them like that. 

“Well, fine then. I guess, uh, call me back in when you’re… ready.” Dean scratched at the back of his neck while he spoke, eyes averted from Cas’s gaze.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, Dean. It was only an offer.” Cas clarified as he pulled off his trenchcoat. Dean’s breath got caught in his throat. 

“No!” He coughed, cleared his throat, and tried again. “No, uh, I’ll do it. I’ll just… give you a minute.” Dean rushed out the rest of his words and swiftly removed himself from Cas’s room, shutting the door behind him. He had to compose himself before seeing Cas in that thing. 

Leaning against the door, Dean forced himself to think about what he wanted. He had gotten out of the life for the most part. He had an ex-angel living a few rooms away from him who was in love with him and who he loved back but hadn’t had the guts to say it. What the Hell was he so afraid of? Losing him? Of course that had always been part of it, but now? They beat the biggest bad you could think of and their days of running headlong into danger were over. His other obstacle was thinking Cas couldn’t love him the way Dean loved Cas. But that too had been proven not to be the case. So what the Hell was he still pussy-footing around like this for? 

The door swung open from behind him and he stumbled back into the room, his back hitting square against Cas’s chest. They both tumbled to the floor, a flailing heap of limbs grasping at each other for purchase. They landed hard and Dean’s weight firmly pushed Cas into the firm ground.

“Shit.” Dean hissed, quickly rolling off of Cas and kneeling beside him to be sure he didn’t break anything. “You okay?” 

Cas groaned. “Yes, I’m fine.” It sounded strange and he sat up, rubbing at his elbow. That’s when Dean’s brain caught up with his eyes. Cas was crumbled on the floor -checking himself for bumps and bruises- in the maid dress. It frilled above his knees, enticingly short. The small apron on the front wrinkled over his lap from the fall and Dean could just picture how short the dress would be if he stood up. The sleeves were poofed, a thin line of lace running around the edges to keep it tight on his arms. Dean could never have imagined Cas looking this good in something like this. It should look silly, but Dean was entirely sure he was liking it. 

“Cas-” His words broke off as they fled his mouth. Cas looked up from his personal assessment to rake his eyes over Dean. 

“Yes, Dean?” Cas’s eyes were stormy and Dean couldn’t read them. Instead, he inched a little closer. He wanted to say it. He needed to say it back. He had meant to do it when he first saw Cas but it never felt right. Sitting on the floor while the person of interest was dressed up in a maid costume was doubtfully the right time, but he had waited far too long already. He was done waiting. 

“Cas.” He started again, more sure of himself. “I gotta say something.” Cas stiffened then and straightened himself up onto his knees, giving Dean his full attention. 

“Dean, you don’t have to say anything. You know how I feel. I am happy with being your friend. I-”

“Damn it, Cas, just give me a second!” And Cas stopped. His shoulders slouched some and it hurt Dean deep in his chest to think Cas could ever think he didn’t feel the same. “Cas,” he started for the third time, “I don’t know why I didn’t say it back. I couldn’t. I don’t know. But… but I do. Cas, you gotta know I do too.”

“Dean…” It sounded like a warning. Like Cas was telling him he didn’t have to risk changing things if he didn’t want this. But Cas was as much an idiot as Dean if he didn’t know Dean wanted this. 

“I love you.” He said it fast, pushing the words past his lips before his brain could think too hard about it and mess it up. When his mind caught up, he released a hasty breath and his lips involuntarily ticked up at one end. “I love you.” He said it again. And then a third and fourth ime. The more he voiced it the more it tasted like candy on his tongue. When he met Cas’s eyes, they were shiny, dewey pools gathering at the corners, threatening to overflow and spill down his cheeks.

Dean’s hands moved on their own. He came up and gathered Cas’s face in them, pulling his lips to his own and not caring how hard they crashed together. The heat of the moment was intoxicating, stealing every breath Dean could hope to take right out of his lungs. Cas was everything. He was human now and he felt like it. He tasted like it, he sounded like it. Divinity reduced into the palm of his hands. 

When they broke apart, desperate for air, Dean could feel the tears sliding down his fingers.

“Dean-” Cas broke, his voice rasped and low, impossibly hungry. 

“I’m sorry it took me so long, Cas. I’m sorry it took me ‘til now to say it. But, I love you. If you… if you still want this, I swear you can have it-you can have me, Cas. I’m so sorry.” 

Cas let out a broken sob, lips curling up into a smile in spite of it. “Yes, Dean. Of course I still want this. God, I could never want anything but this; but you.” His laugh was chopped, but it made Dean smile nevertheless. 

“Good… Good.” 

And Dean kissed him again. He was greedy for it, starving for his touch. He had let himself want for far too long and now that his self-imposed obstacles had been drawn and quartered, he was going to take everything Cas would give him. 

When Cas pulled away, it was with a laugh- a real laugh, low and hearty and no longer tainted by tears.

“Dean, I… I still have to do the stream.”

Dean blinked. The what? 

“Hm?” He placed a small kiss at the corner of Cas’s mouth where it was upturned. 

“The stream, Dean. I didn’t get in this silly thing for nothing, you know.” 

Dean leaned back and surveyed Cas’s attire again. Fuck, it looked good on him. Way better than it should. 

“Would you still like to join me?” The grin held mischief behind it and Dean felt his interest in his pants. 

“I uh… Cas, I don’t think that’s such a good idea anymore.” He gulped. Cas just squinted his eyes in that totally-shouldn’t-be-attractive way and tilted his head with it. Dean stuttered on. “I’m not sure I can uh… behave on a livestream if you’re going to be in this thing.” Dean averted his gaze from the smirk he knew would be resting on Cas’s stupid perfect lips. 

“I see…” Cas trailed off, forcing Dean to look back in curiosity. He really shouldn’t have done that. “Then you’ll just have to come back when I’m done, hm? It was very difficult to put on. Perhaps you can help me out of it?” 

Dean’s jaw dropped. What was he getting himself into? He ended up nodding, far too enthusiastically, in response. That garnered another toothy grin as Cas stood up. Still kneeled on the floor, Dean could practically see all the way up the dress and he averted his gaze once more as his cheeks flared red, taking Cas’s offered hands for help up. Cas walked him backwards to the door and out into the hall. 

“Good things come to those who wait, Dean. So be a good boy and wait for me, okay?”

Every tiny bit of composure Dean had hoped to hold onto flew out the window and was replaced by a frantic, bussing warmth that spread through his chest like wildfire. Holy Hell, why was that hot? Dean strangled himself for a breath, to just swallow the lump in his throat and look back up at Cas. When he did, Cas just raised a brow and shut the door.

Fuck, Cas was going to be the death of him. But you know what? What a way to go.

[inactiveblog261838]

vacancy (leviathan)

a/n: im back. or trying to be. here’s an angsty lil drabble i managed to write today. its not my best but i gotta start somewhere i guess lol

Levi found himself staring at his phone, Y/N's contact open, the image of the two of them staring back at him. He couldn't find the courage to call her, or even send a text. It had been months since they last spoke, and though her absence drove him crazy, the thought of talking to her again was terrifying.

What would he even say?

It had become a common occurrence, him sitting in bed staring at his phone and fighting with himself.

She doesn't want to hear from you, idiot. You ruined everything.

He mentally kicked himself.

You were back home in the human world now, probably happy, probably forgetting about him more and more with each passing day. It had been months now, there was no way you cared anymore. Especially not after what he did the last time you spoke.

He'd wanted to tell you to stay, to stay with him and not leave. But he couldn't form the words, even though they were so loud in his head.

You'd been waiting for him to ask. He didn't know at the time, but upon realizing, he never forgot.

"Stay here with me, please?"

The words should have been easy. It was a simple request. But they didn't come out.

"You should go home, to your friends and family," he'd said. It was true, he was sure they missed you, but now he did too.

"You don't really love me, do you?"

That question felt like a stab to the heart. He didn't expect to hear it. The look on your face as you waited for his response killed him.

He couldn't answer.

"Y/N," he stumbled across his words. "I need to go."

With that he walked away, unable to face you. He was angry that that question even crossed your mind.

I want you here forever. I love you. I want you to stay with me.

All the thoughts in his head, all the words he could've said-- should've said-- but didn't. Instead he left you standing there, in the street, with no response. No consolation. Nothing.

You didn't speak to him again the rest of your time there, you wouldn't look him in the eye, and made a beeline in the opposite direction whenever he was around.

He should've begged you to stay. He should've confessed. He should've kissed you.

He should've done something-- anything. But he didn't do anything at all. And now he spent every day regretting it.

The picture on his phone of the two of you was still his background, even though it killed him to look at. He wondered if you still had it as your background as well, though he knew it was unlikely.

You were the only person he'd really loved, in his thousands of years of life. It was you, from the moment that he met you. You loved him back, too. Or at least, you used to.

Fighting back tears that threatened to spill over, he swallowed his pride and fear and pressed the call button.

To his surprise, you picked up.

"Levi?"

Your voice was hesitant, and quieter than it usually was.

"Y/N," he breathed out your name in relief, "I'm sorry."

[neko-naruto]

killer x outer

(i have never written for outer before, so this will be shitty)

killer slowly walked through outertale to the best of his ability in the zero-g that came with the nullified vacuum space "god how do people live in an area like this?" killer pondered as he made his way to the chunk of land that he always hung around at when he was having a hard time with whatever his life chucked at him in a baseball style fashion (sadly i cant find a picture of the bad sanses playing baseball to put here). he slowly sat down against the lone tree with cosmic, galactic leaves with a twisted trunk and branches... he was relaxed, chilled out and reaching inner zenith on such a legendary level he didnt even notice that someone was walking up to him.

"i see you found my spot," someone said grabbing killers attention "i thought i was the only one who knew about it, my name is sans... but in the multiverse they call me outer." "well nice to talk to you outer, hope you dont mind me sitting here." killer said without opening his eyes "you okay if i sit with you?" "just dont talk to me unless i talk to you first." "ok!" outer said happily as he sat next to killer his parka brushing up against killers sleeve slightly "stop touching me?" killer said getting agitated by the contact "but im not touching you." "your arm is brushing against my sleeve! and you, uh... um..." killer lost his words halfway through his sentence upon opening his eyes and seeing outer for the first time.

killer thought he looked adorable and hot at the same time the way his parka framed his sweet personality, his simple white eye lights perfectly matching his soft smile, and his adorable fluffy slippers with the common choice of shorts... killer thought he was perfect in every way that he could see him as without tearing off his clothes, so perfect killer didnt realize he had spent a minute staring at him with his face a vibrant crimson hue "uh are you ok dude?" outer asked as he waved a hand in front of killer who snapped out of his trance and stumbled over words looking for a good excuse but instead getting a small giggle from outer which once again grabbed killers attention making him smile a little bit.

"i think its almost time for me to go, see you next time then." killer said as he got up but felt a small tug on his sleeve "what is it?" "please come back here again tomorrow, i need you..." outer said as he pulled killer into a hug "uh, sure thing buddy," killer said as he pulled away a bit "same time same place see you then!" "see you then!" outer called out to killer as he hopped in a portal leaving dream to slump back up against the tree with a sigh "why is he so hot...?" dream questioned as he placed a hand on his forehead while his face turned a galaxy color palette; shades of dark purple with light shades of blue mixed in with little splotches of light purple.

killer reappeared on the other side of the portal that lead to his room which he immediately slumped against one of the walls and fell to the ground on top of his blood stained carpeting with a long sigh that he was sure dust and horror could hear from the other sides of the walls "im in love..." "WHO SUMONED ME?" epic boomed out as he teleported into killers room with pizazz causing killer to screech like a little girl "why the fuck are you here?" "i have no clue lately ive been just teleporting to people who need romance advice." epic said nonchalantly as he shrugged his shoulders with a smirk "so whos the lucky guy?" "outer." killer said with a sigh as his face turned a slight tint of red while epics smirk only got wider as he pullout a rubber chicken "just dont." killer said as he pushed the chicken down.

"your no fun," epic said with a dejected sigh "so does he have any weak points? or a place that you both love and know well? or does he have a favorite flower? have you ever seen him... shirtless?" epic whispered that last word noticing how fast killer went from ok to redder than a tomato which made epic burst into laughter "all joking aside lets get on with more ques-" "everything that you just said i have no fucking clue about, except for a special place." killer exclaimed cutting off epic "i see then," epic said as he rubbed his temples slowly "i need to know more aout how you see him." "hes perfect, a delicate beauty with elegance and perfection, and his eyes are the most beautiful thing i have ever layed eyes on ..." killer said dreamily as he placed a hand under his chin and epic looked at him while writing down some notes.

"orchids, at the special place and make sure the orchids are different colors, maybe even throw in one or two iris's to spice up the bouquet of flowers your choosing for him." "what?" killer questioned as he was dragged through a portal that lead to a world full of flowers and plants of all sorts each twice the size of killer "welcome to whatever the fuck the name of this AU is!" epic said as a small fanfare played in the distance "these are all twice the size of us! how are we supposed to pick them!" killer exclaimed "follow me," epic said as he showed killer the way through the AU "not all plants are giant a few patches have stayed small but are still influenced by the magic greatly so they have a calming entrancing aroma that could make nightmare want to have a child with dream." "that was a disgusting example, but hey that good to know!" killer said happily as he walked up to the sans of that AU to greet the sleeping skeleton.

the skeleton was wearing a pair of overalls with a loose black shirt and a classic, blue, dirt stained hoodie over top with some work boots a red dirt stained scarf around his neck and a pair of goggles that rested on his skull nicely "hey flower you awake we got another customer." epic said waking flower up for killer to see he had a bunch of bright blue, almost glowing, normally golden flowers in his right eye-socket that had roots growing out of it slightly cracking his skull as the roots made their way down to his teeth and the stems cracked the upper part of his eye-socket shocking killer when he looked over to him "nice to see you again epic although you did wake me from my nap," flower said with a yawn "what flowers will it take to get your special ones attention?" "o-orchids and a few iris's." killer said shaking a little he was a little shook at the skeletons appearance "sorry if im scaring you, i cant help but be this way." flower said as he walked out from behind the sentry post.

"a long time ago a little flower said the world could be happy if one made a sacrifice, and no that flower was not what you guys may know as flowey," flower said as he walked deeper into the glade followed by the two others "no one else wanted to make the sacrifice so did, the world was reset after that and everyone was back to normal the way it should be except i had a singular flower growing out of my eye-socket and with each reset another one grew beside it or above it, and now i have like about fifteen flowers in my eye-socket where my normal eye light was." "dang thats pretty deep flower." killer said as he looked at the small patch of normal sized flowers in the center of the glade "yeah its a shame that the crazy amounts of positivity and negativity leaking into this AU have ruined the natural growth states of flowers and plants and killed at least fifty percent of humanity along with my brother," flower said as he handed them a vase and some clippers "take a few and leave after paying me the coinage." "many thanks man, your kindness is greatly appreciated by me and killer." epic said as he started to look around for a certain flower he had a seen a while back when he was helping nightmare with cross and dream with ink.

"found it!" "what!" killer exclaimed as he turned around with few different variations of orchids in hand "this flower is exactly what you need to woo outer." epic said as he handed killer the galaxy iris that almost glowed in the low lighting "are you sure about that?" killer asked as he held the flower gently "trust me, thats all you need to get your man." "if you say so... um, flower i would like this one, how much will it cost me?" killer asked as he showed flower the iris in his hand having flower inspect it "i see that epic chose a nice one for you, magic not to strong nor to weak, and im assuming you care about outer more than words can describe?" flower asked getting a small nod from killer whose face had turned a shade of crimson once more upon outers mention "in that case shes yours, a love like the one you have for outer cant be bought." "really! thank you so much flower this just what i need!" killer exclaimed a she spun in a few circles happily before being stopped by flower "i hope that things go well for you and outer." flower said with a soft smile as he waved good bye to epic and killer "maybe one day epic can know..." flower said with a soft sigh as he sat back down at his sentry post.

the next day killer teleported to outertale and walked over to the tree he and outer had met at with a flower in hand with a note attached only to find outer was already their doing the same thing killer had been doing last night "hey outer," killer said grabbing outers attention "i made it just like i said i would!" "thats great!" outer said as he walked over to killer who seemed to turn a deep shade of red at the action "whats up with the pretty flower? whoever's getting it is a very lucky lady or man." outer said as his face turned a light shade of galaxy at the last bit "oh! actually its for you theirs a note tht you might want to read." killer said as he handed outer the flower and watched as he began reading it and his face turned a darker shade of galaxy making killer worry "i understand that you dont feel the same way, how could anyone love me anywa-" killers sentence was cut off by outer tackle hugging him and knocking him to the ground catching killer off guard "w-what?" "i love you to killer! i was worried you wouldnt love me back!" outer exclaimed happily as he cuddled up closer to killer who was also very happy about that fact that he had someone to love.

the end

[sword-brainrot]

Oh, um! May I request a matchup? I know these can be draining to do so feel free to skip me if you want!!

So, um hi! Im a 19 yo translation student! Everyone uses she/her when talking to me, but you can use whatever you like, I dont mind pronouns! Im really shy and kinda anxious when talking to people, but I'm completely see-through ;; cant tell a lie to save my life haha Im super curious abt practically anything and I love to learn new things! When I have to get work done, I make sure it looks shiny and perfect! (even tough I procastinate on it until there's almost no time left,,,,) I prefer indoors because loud sounds make me somewhat panicky??;;;; and in my free time I play games, learn useless stuff and sleep... y'know, the usual ^^;

As for what I'd like in a parter.... I want someone who cares about me ;; I know it may be a bit too much but I guess I can dream right? :') As for myself,,,, idk id be a completely mess ;; Im good at listening I think! but when it comes to affection Im at a loss and I just get embarrassed,,,, I blush at everything and when Im put in a spot I try to laugh it off ;;

Um, also... Im sure you already noticed but I have some self issues so you may want to take this into consideration???? maybe???? Im sorry I had to bring this up;;; i tought it could help you get a better picture of myself haha???? uuu;; (um also i apologize for this huge wall of text, i know its all over the place.... dont know how to organize it;;;;)

Oh, and I don't care about sword types nor I have a preference! I love all the slashy boys equally ♡

Thank you for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it 💖💖

Oh I would never skip your request! If I ever get drained, I would take a small break. I wanna do your requests dear! Feel free to request as much as you want, I have a blast whenever I can write and make someone smile because of it. Don't worry about bothering me or anything, seeing requests always makes me smile and excited to write 💖🌺

I Match You With...

🌸 Ishikirimaru 🌸

♡  Ishikirimaru is a very calm and friendly guy, he would understand very well how scary social interaction can be for some people. He would never push you too far and make sure he knows your limits. He would offer you to have tea with him or help him clean just so you both can bond together and let you know what he does want to be around you. He doesn't mind if you don't talk much because you are shy! Ishikirimaru doesn't talk too much in general but doesn't mind starting the conversation and having a short discussion about things that may interest you or your thoughts on things.

♡  Don't worry about ever making him angry or annoyed, it is very hard to do that. He is very easy going and cares a lot about other people. The only way he would ever get actually angry at you is if you say something insensitive about how people's lives in war don't matter or something along those lines. He was a sword kept in a temple that often got prayed to for healing the warriors who came back from battle with deadly wounds. That is the only thing that would actually get under his skin. He cares a lot about the people around him and even the people he doesn't know, he prays for all of their well beings. Even yours. He cares about you a lot as well and will tell you often that you matter to everyone. He is aware that you would never say something to upset him on purpose. As long as the two of you talk it out and apologize to each other, he will forget it even happened. He wouldn't let one slip of the tongue to ruin the relationship.

♡  He tries hard to make sure he never upsets anyone and thinks over his words carefully, but even he makes mistakes and words don't come out how they planned. He will make the most effort to apologize and make sure his words didn't hurt you badly. If they did, he would spend hours on end talking it out and making sure you know that he would never mean anything that would hurt you. He cares about you a lot and your smile is his favorite.

♡  Ishikirimaru might be a little pushy when you talk badly about yourself. He loves everything about you and it hurts him when you think you are lesser than everyone. He will often try to stop you before you go too far with talking down upon yourself and give you plenty of compliments, even if they embarrass you. He wants you to know that you are deserving of love and that you are much better than you give yourself credit for. You have your own talents and people cherish you for being you. They want you in their life because you are you.

♡  "Aruji, I haven't been human long but I understand that being human is a complicated task. The mind can be a cruel one and the deadliest thing to our souls. My words may not mean much but please trust me when I say that you like you for you. You will see things you do not like about yourself because you are stuck with yourself constantly so you will pick up things that others will not. We are all hard on ourselves. Life is even worse on us. So take a deep breath and let yourself receive a little kindness. You deserve it. You give out so much to everyone so you need to know that it is okay to love things about yourself and be proud of who you are. You will make mistakes and not everyone will be your friend but that is okay, because you are human and you have your own life. Surround yourself with people that will love and appreciate you for who you are now. I love and appreciate you for who you are, aruji. So.. Don't be so hard on yourself, alright? It hurts my fragile heart when I see you beat yourself up for small mistakes. It's okay to stumble at times, just get up again... okay? I'll lend you my hand as well."

♡  As you can tell, Ishikirimaru is a very good listener. His whole life as a sword was to listen to those of the pained and give guidance. Even if he couldn't exactly do that in his sword form, he can do that now! He will listen to everything you have to say. Don't be shy to ramble to him. He will give you a happy smile as he listens. Tell him about the things that make you happy, what make you angry, what makes you laugh, and what makes you sad. Ishikirimaru will be right by your side, offering tea and a shoulder if you need it. You aren't alone and he will make sure you know that you don't have to face these thoughts alone.

♡  Just as how you are see through and can't lie, Ishikirimaru has a similar issue. He has a very hard time ever lying and chooses to never lie. The only time he will lie is if it is to protect others. He will often put himself in the painful position in missions so others don't have to face the hardship. He tries to not do it often because he knows that people care about him and he doesn't have to face things alone, but he would rather not see anyone sad if he can help it!

♡  He finds your embarrassed face the cutest thing in the world. Don't be scared to tell him to stop if the compliments become too much for you to handle! He will laugh it off and apologize for going too far with his comments. As stated above, he doesn't lie. So just know that every compliment he gives you is a very sincere comment that he means with his whole heart. Ishikirimaru doesn't need much affection, as long as you show that you simply care about him, he is happy. He would like to hold your hand from time to time but otherwise, he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wish to do. Go at your own pace in the relationship, he won't rush you!

♡  Ishikirimaru will tell you anything you wish to learn! He might not have a library of knowledge of the past due to being stuck in a shrine for most of his life but he had also studied and learned about the history he came from. If you take an interest in his prayers and religion, he would gladly tell you all the tales he is aware of and teach you the cleansing sermon he often does to give positive spiritual energy. It is something that brings him peace of mind and makes him happy to talk about, so if you are willing to learn about what makes him who he is today and what makes him happy, he would be overjoyed to share all his knowledge to you.

♡  He understands very well the appeal of getting work done to the best of your ability and making it look the best you can. He wouldn't label himself a perfectionist but he does want to do the best he can. Often with cleaning. You will often see him stuck in a room all day because he wants to make sure it is spotless before he comes out and continues work else where. Though... by the time he is done... It is dinner time. Perhaps the two of you could work together and get work done to the point you are both happy with it.

♡  Ishikirimaru is also someone who happens to stay inside for the most part. The only time he goes outside would be to enjoy tea in the sun or if he has to work the field/horse keeping. Ishikirimaru is a very soft spoken and gentle man so you don't have to worry about him every raising his voice and scaring you. If there is ever a loud noise, whether it is other swords or a storm outside, he will gently hold your hand and try to calm you down. He will assure you that it's okay to not like loud noises but he will make sure that nothing hurts you. He will even try to lead you away to somewhere that may be a little more quiet. Giving you a distraction to get your mind off the noise. He wants nothing more than you to feel comfortable and safe.

♡  Depending on the game, he may want to play with you! He tends to like card games even though he is very easy to read and often loses. He tends to laugh about it after when he realizes that he was accidentally showing his hand every time he set down his cards to get a sip of tea. If it's video games, he would prefer to just watch you play and talk to you while you enjoy the game. He isn't the biggest fan but still enjoys to watch! Ishikirimaru is a pretty good teacher! So if you wish to study with him, he would be flattered that you wished to study with him out of everyone. He is very understanding that some material is hard to memorize out of no where. He would just softly correct you and tell you to work on it a little more. He rewards you with sweets every time you do really well on any test he gives you to test how much you remember.

♡  Ishikirimaru would be the most understanding and gentle partner. He wants nothing more than you being comfortable and happy. He would work hard on you slowly forgiving yourself when you make a mistake and love yourself a little more. He would never give up on you and be there if you ever needed.

[reneesi]

i never would have thought // CH.07

WRITTEN PORTION

The clock on the sleek mint green wall of the train station read 10:15. Only 2 minutes had passed since (y/n) had last checked it, never the less at 10:18 her eyes where shifting to read the time once more. (Y/n) wrung her hands together, gaze falling to her feet for what felt like the millionth time. She wasn’t nervous, or more like she wasn’t nervous because of Tsukishima, she was just in a hurry! At least that (y/n) told herself as another wave of fluttering washed through her stomach and up her throat. Her breathing had been weirdly staggered all morning, and though she’d never admit it (y/n) had spent a little too long picking out her outfit. Eventually she had settled on a pastel pink tank top and light wash overalls along with low white socks that had cute lace trimming along the edge. It was simple enough, nothing that seemed as though she had necessarily tried but enough of a difference to elicit an exited “You look really cute today!” from her little cousin Natsu as she was leaving the house.

(Y/n) went through her mental checklist, again, attempting to calm her nerves. If she had forgotten anything she’d have to walk all the way back home to grab it and would probably loose too many daylight hours. Speaking of which she was already falling behind schedule given the fact that Tsukishima had yet to arrive. (Y/n) pulled out her cellphone, reviewing her last three text messages again. It had been nearly half an hour since Tsukishima had sent his simple “Im on my way.” And yet he was no where to be seen.

Sighing, (Y/n) sat on the nearest bench, frustration threatening to consume her. She tried sending another text. She checked the clock once more, 10:20. She sighed.

“This fucker…” she mumbled under her breath, staring at the time on her lock screen. They had agreed on 10 o’clock sharp. Well maybe not “sharp” but it had still been 10-ish as in around 10, not 10 fricking 30. (Y/n) calmed herself yet again, wanting to maintain a positive attitude for the long day that was certainly to come. Five more minutes, she thought. Five more minutes and if he didn’t show she’d call Tsukishima until he picked up the fucking phone.

Five excruciatingly long minutes later, (Y/n) was holding her cellphone to her ear, dial tone ringing its mechanical melody. (Y/n) bit her lip.

“Idiot.” A familiar voice scoffed from behind, as a sideways palm came over her head, hitting her hard enough to elicit an ouch of compliant.

“Why would you call me when I’m right behind you?” He asked, voice even and monotonous as always.

(Y/n) turned to look back at Tsukishima, sending him a glare as she stood.

“Because you’re 25 minutes late!” She accused, pointing an enraged finger at his chest.

“I told you somewhere around 10.” He shrugged, moving past her as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Yeah well I thought that meant maybe 10:05 at the latest? What kind of idiot thinks 10:25 is around 10?! Thats around 10:30 more than anything!” (Y/n)’s voice was rising with every word, “And where are you going?!”

Tsukishima stopped and looked back over his shoulder, not an ounce of readable emotion across his face.

“We’re going to miss our train.” He said evenly, before turning back to walk onwards. (Y/n)’s eyes widened and in a scramble she picked up her backpack and stumbled to catch up, boarding the train just after Tsukishima. Once they had settled into seats right by each other he mumbled quietly.

“You wanted to go to the city right? The train leaves at 10:30 so as long as I was here before then everything is okay, right?”

Rosy pink bloomed over (Y/n)’s cheekbones, her head dropping slightly to hide her face. Suddenly she was too close to Tsukishima.

“Y..yeah.” (Y/n) uttered, embarrassment pricking at the tips of her ears as the nerves in her stomach flared.

The two rode in silence for the remainder of the trip, Tsukishima tilting his head to stare away from (y/n) while listening to music though his headphones, and (y/n) sneaking glances every so often at Tsukishima. She argued internally that she was just doing pre-shoot mental plotting. Deciding what poses she’d put him in, what kind of lighting would look good and so on. But it was during these reticent glances that (y/n) noticed Tsukishima’s hair was still damp. A single droplet of water rolled off a strand of shimmering blonde every so often, and with the early light each bead shone like a crystal. Upon further inspection (y/n) concluded he must have taken a shower not long before his departure given the fresh glow of his creamy light skin and the hint of shampoo that hung in the air between them. It was a scent close to laundry detergent and something else she couldn’t quite place, something sharp and intriguing.

(Y/n) felt something strange bubble in her chest, similar to nervousness but different enough to be foreign, and realized she had yet to pull her eyes away. Mentally she thanked the higher powers that Tsukishima had settled down facing away from her and leaned her head back, moving to stare at the ceiling. If not for his position he would have otherwise noticed not only her staring but the hints of pink and red that had failed to leave her face since the beginning of the train ride.

They arrived at the city around 12 PM, (Y/n) complaining loudly at the sheer amount of time “wasted” on the train. She quickly declared their first order of business to be finding a spot with some sort of decent lighting and taking a few preliminary shots to determine the best angles for the shoot. The pair walked around for a while, passing sarcastic jokes and small retorts back and forth. Every time they’d pass a window, on of them would make some sort of judgment call about whatever was being displayed and in the turn the other would jump in to defend said item.

“I just don’t see how you could hate a hat so much! It’s got flowers!” (Y/n) explained, mouth wide and aghast

“It looks tacky.” Tsukishima shrugged, (y/n) shook her head tragically

“Oh Sucky-shima, when will you learn the true beauties of this world.” She sighed drastically, Tsukishima snorted in response

“You’re the one who said that strawberry shortcake looked soggy, which was just factually incorrect.” He threw back, side eyeing (y/n) with a raised brow

“It did not look appetizing.”

“You just have no taste.”

“I don’t dislike strawberry shortcake! There’s just better out there, and I am a person of taste” (Y/n) defended.

“Plus I could probably make a better one.” She finally added, after a long beat of silence. Tsukishima looked like he had something to say but ultimatley didn’t reply, instead he simply rolled his eyes and continued in silence.

Eventually the two came across a fairly empty park and settled into a well lit corner of the greenery. (Y/n)’s camera flickered on and after some button pushes and general adjustments she looked up, half expecting Tsukishima to be in some sort of position. But to nobodies surprise but her own, Tsukishima only stood a couple feet away looking around awkwardly. (Y/n)’s breath caught in her throat as she considered going over and positioning him herself, only to realize that would require touching him which might make things even more awkward than they already where. Because even for all the friendly banter they’d grown to take comfort in, they were still barely good friends and a thick layer of discomfort was very much present between the two.

“H-how do you want me to stand?” Tsukishima asked after one two many moments of silence had passed. It was difficult to tell due to the harsh light and hot weather but (Y/n) could have almost sworn Tsukishima was beginning to develop a soft blush atop his cheeks.

“U-um, why don’t we start with some sitting one! Like on that bench!” (Y/n) pointed, giggling forcibly at the end of her sentence. She cringed inwardly. Tsukishima only nodded, walking over and taking a seat on the bench she had selected.

(Y/n) took a deep breath, it was always weird in the beginning. She always felt awkward at first, so this was no different. All she had to do was get into a groove and she’d be in her element in no time. Then everything would stop feeling so suffocatingly weird.

“Okay, um, don’t move just maybe rest your arms on the top behind you and put that leg over the other, wait not like that I mean-“ (Y/n) blushed, resisting the urge to cover up her face with her hands. Tsukishima looked up at her, confused.

“Just, sorry, just sit however makes you comfortable and try to um relax.” (Y/n) finally sputtered out, sighing as she brought the lens up and squinted. This was going to be harder than she thought.

The first couples shots were tense and really REALLY awkwardly positioned. Tsukishima looked like a broken store mannequin that was being held at gunpoint. But once he noticed (y/n) had started to relax, Tsukishima began joking around again, throwing insults and light criticisms at her in a playful way that felt comforting to their dynamic. Once (Y/n) started laughing again, the ice began to melt and Tsukishima was able to produce a much more normal looking pose. After a half hour of shooting like this (Y/n) stopped and plopped down beside Tsukishima, leaning back into the bench. She began to swiftly click through the images, deleting most of them.

“What was the point of that if you’re just gonna delete them?” Tsukishima asked, furrowing his brows in annoyance “Now I’m gonna have to do all that work again.”

“Relax, that wasn’t the actual shoot. I was getting some test shots to see what exactly I wanted and also what you’d be comfortable doing.” (Y/n) explained, pausing on an image of Tsukishima with his head back, a smile barely visible but never the less present. She smiled to herself, moving on to the next picture without deleting it.

“Since clearly you don’t like to smile for the camera we’re gonna do a stylized phtoshoot so your facial expression doesn’t hinder the process.” She continued, emphasizing the last bit in a sarcastic tone.

Tsukishima rolled his eyes,

“Whatever, let’s just get this over with.” He sighed, melting back to lay against the bench in a half seated half slipping off sort of way.

The next couple hours were long, to say the least. (Y/n) barked orders from afar at an increasingly annoyed Tsukishima, as the day grew hotter and brighter forcing the pair to change the spot they had settled into. The stances Tsukishima took only really worked half the time, since he was mostly too tense or couldn’t figure out the desired posing from (y/n)’s words alone. Regardless, (Y/n) refused to go over and physically put him in position in fear of accidentally ruining the easy atmosphere they had finally achieved. And as they trudged on, the heat began to wear them down, gathering sticky sweat across their foreheads which dripped down to their chests which fueled their matching exhaustion.

Eventually Tsukishima came to a halt

“Okay, enough.” He ran a hand across his forehead “We need to take a break.”

(Y/n) considered arguing but as she felt another bead of sweat roll down the back of neck she decided that maybe just this once, she’d have to listen to Tsukishima.

“This shit is no joke, now I understand why people get payed to do it.” Tsukishima huffed, collapsing back onto the bench they had initially sat in, which had now come to be in the shade. (Y/n) tossed him a water bottle from her backpack and sat beside him, popping the cap off and guzzling the cold down her throat. The refreshment of the cool liquid was unparalleled, and as she drank (Y/n) felt streams of water slipping down her chin. She exhaled, wiping at the wetness with the back of her hand.

“Yeah, it usually isn’t this hot though.” She remarked, shooting Tsukishima a look of apology before leaning back to let her head fall off the edge of the bench.

“Had Tsukishima been blushing just now? No, it had to be the heat.” She pondered internally, staring up and enjoying the way the tree’s leaves moved in soft tandem with the wind, streams of light breaking through the shrubbery.

“You said you needed something interesting, right?” Tsukishima asked a few minutes later

“For the photoshoot?” (Y/n) asked, pulling herself back up to sit upright while turning to look over at Tsukishima

“Yeah, I had an idea.” He began

(Y/n) tilted her head expectantly.

“What if we used the water, from the water bottle? You could probably create a cool effect with that right?” He suggested, holding up his half empty water bottle. (Y/n) narrowed her eyes, thinking for a moment

“That… could actually work.” She pipped up, energy returning in a burst “Wait! I think I have an idea.”

(Y/n) scooped up her camera, fiddling with the settings as she looked around for a spot to shoot. In the blur of excitement she took a hold of Tsukishima’s wrist and dragged him into position.

“I’m coming, I’m coming, jeez.” He grumbled clearly annoyed, not attempting to pull his hand away despite this. (Y/n) released his hand and began adjusting his shirt, and it was then that she realized just how touchy she’d suddenly become. She peeked up at him and this time he was definitely blushing. Her own cheeks flared and (Y/n) jumped back, vision hazy with embarrassment.

“S-sorry! I didn’t even-“

“It’s fine.” Tsukishima scoffed, looking away to avoiding her eyes “It’s just part of the job right?” He shrugged, feigning indifference that was clearly contradicted by the red on his face.

(Y/n) bonked herself internally, he was probably so embarrassed and uncomfortable. She stood farther away but positioned him physically none the less, making sure to only touch him if absolutely necessary. As she set up the exact shot she wanted, (Y/n) mumbled little apologies in between, biting her cheek to calm the raging nervousness at the pit of her stomach that only worsened with every touch.

Eventually they were able to get a picture that (y/n) deemed presentable and the pair moved on to the rest of the portfolio, since the major piece had been accomplished. The two first years ended up staying out until the sun began to set, partially because they kept pausing to banter in between each click of the shutter but mostly because (y/n) couldn’t help but to stop and stare through the lens every so often, making some snarky remark to hide the way her breath caught behind the camera.

Orange light swallowed the tile and columns all around, painting the empty train station (Y/n) and Tsukishima had come sit in in a soft gold hue. The sound of wind and far away trains whirred in the distance and the weather had cooled to a comfortable warmth, the kind felt by a fireplace in the dead of winter when snow falls on eyelashes and the air smells like sugar cookies. A gentle warm, like that of a blanket.

The sticky sweet vanilla dripped onto the floor beneath her and (y/n) licked at her ice cream bar, hoping to catch the next drop with her tongue instead.

“Thanks for helping me out today.” (Y/n) finally mumbled, eyes fixated on the barely visable pink tinted clouds that lay in the far away sky. She could feel Tsukishima next to her, radiating subtle warmth which was sort of strange since he was always so cold, not just to her but to everyone. It was hard not to think so much about him, when he was only centimeters away.

(Y/n)’s mind wandered back to her slip up and suddenly she remembered the feel of his wrist in her hand, and another wave of hot brushed over her face. His skin had been… soft. She peeked over at his hand, the free one that lay in the space between them and wasn’t holding up an ice cream bar. She’d never really been one to pay attention to such trivial details, but now that she knew what his skin felt like, (y/n) couldn’t help but wonder if his hands were just as soft.. how his long slender fingers would feel wrapped around her own.. what his palm would feel like against her cheek-

“Yeah, no problem.” His response was like a snap back to reality, and although Tsukishima hadn’t noticed the way (y/n) had been staring longingly at his hand her blush still deepened as she lowered her gaze back to her feet.

In the end, (y/n) got ice cream on her overalls and a pestering poke to the cheek from Tsukishima.

“Don’t zone out while you’re eating ice cream, idiot.” He’d sneered, causing (y/n) to slap his hand away in protest. The two had argued back and forth before eventually boarding the train and much like that morning, had rode home in silence. When they had arrived back home, there had been only a slight pause on Tsukishima’s part before the two had exchanged goodbyes and parted ways. In that moment before their departures, Tsukishima had looked confused, almost as if he’d been trying to figure out his next play in a long game of chess, but a look like that only had a lifespan of about 5 seconds on a face like Tsukishima’s. (Y/n) sighed in exasperation, throwing her head back to stare at the stars as she walked, she never could read Tsukishima… So what the hell had he been thinking?

CH.07 II you owe me

A/N: Hi, i am SO SORRY! I really was trying to stick to the uploading schedule and then i just got absolutely hit by life. Last weekend was kind of really crazy and i knew i had a big chapter planned so i didn’t wanna sacrifice the chapter in order to release something earlier :/ Then yesterday I was still trying to finish up this chapter and it kind of all snowballed together. To stay on schedule Im gonna double upload wednesday since i still owe you guys another chapter. I hope this one sort of makes up for the lateness, since this is the first REALLY long one in terms of ss and writing! Again, i’m really REALLY SORRY :(( But i hope you guys enjoy!!! 

The picture of Tsukishima from the photoshoot with the water bottle is FANART and nOT MINE, it belongs to @unico_ts on twitter!! All credit is her’s!! Go check her out, her fanart is DIVINE <3

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[theravencawsatmidnight]

Can I request Hawks and reader? Reader's ex boyfriend comes back and wants to start dating, but the reader can't stand the thought to go back to him. So, the reader hires Hawks to be pretend her boyfriend. They go out a couple times, until ex gets a message. Problem is... the reader falls in love with her fake boyfriend. XD Thank you~~

Hero For Hire

He showed up at your work of all places to ask for you to take him back. The fire on your face was more than enough to excuse yourself and take this Ex outside.

“Please? I miss you. I wont do it again”

“No! Just leave me alone! Why would i go back to you? You are a awful person”

“Baby cmon . You dont mean that.”

“Leave or ill make you leave.”

The anger on his face sent a chill down your back but you stood your ground. Never again. He did leave though, muttering under his breath. You sighed leaning on the building collecting yourself. This needs to stop. You went back inside and apologized to your boss before returning to work.

As soon as you clocked out you went home to search the internet for a solution. You stumbled upon a Hero for Hire link and clicked it.

‘Tired of a clingy ex? Need to get rid of them? Hire me! Ill pretend to be your boyfriend so they get lost!’ You rolled your eyes at this website , thats too good to be true .. but .. whats the hurt in it? You sent a email and went to bed.

Hawks phone lit up and he looked at it landing on a roof to read it.

‘If this is real i have a ex problem , he wont leave me alone i need to shake him off . Heres my number and address. I dont care what Hero you guys send me , i just want this dude to leave me alone.’

His wings fluttered while he looked at the starry sky.

••••

You woke up to a few texts from your ex and a email from the website.

‘Of course we are real. Sounds like a real problem. Just let me know where i can meet you and what time .’

You rubbed your eyes reading it a few times before replying with your work information. With a yawn you got ready for work , thinking about what hero you would get.

Your work was ex free in the morning thankfully since you did not have the energy to deal with him. It didint help that it was a clothes store you worked at , he always lingered around. But by the 4th hour of work sure enough he came in to ‘look at clothes’ . You shook your head leaning on the counter watching the door. Waiting for a Pro to step though.

Your ex dropped some clothes on the counter making your gaze travel to him in a glaring way. He tried to talk to you while you rang up the clothes.

“So i think i know where we went wrong y/n”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yes i got angry to easy.”

You rolled your eyes shoving the clothes in the bag pushing it to him. “Ok have a nice day.”

“Y/n..”

“Have a nice day”

“No. I need to talk to you. And your gonna listen.”

“Is she now? Thats no way to talk to my lovely dove.”

You both looked up and you fell onto the desk. It was Hawks. God damn Hawks. That website was real. Hoo.lee.fuck . He strolled over going behind the desk to pull you to him kissing your cheek. “Hi little dove. Can you take your lunch?” Your ex clicked his teeth stomping off but not before looking back making a fist.

You didint know what to say , apparently your boss did not care that he was behind the counter either. You looked at him and he agreed to you taking your lunch now , laughing a bit and waving his hand to hurry you out.

Hawks brought you to the next door cafe ordering you a coffee and sitting at a table . He sipped his coco and placed a paper in front of you. “First, wanna apologize for kissing without permission. Ill knock off 10 bucks for that. Just seemed like the right thing to do.”

You gripped the hot coffee reading the paper as best you could, eyes jumping all over it for key words.

‘Hero For Hire.

-your email-

1 week of services. $50

2-3 weeks of services. $100

1 month or longer of services . $200 , starting.

Restrictions.

No children. I am not here to give you kids.

What i will do.

Make your boyfriend jealous till hes a crying mess ;)

Shower you with the love you deserve ^#^

Take you shopping ! Yay clothes!

Take you on dates !!! Food yay!

Will i have sex with you?

I will not! Im not a prostitute silly!!!

What happens if one of us falls in love?

I need to know as soon as you realize so i can re calcualte my services and think about what to do. If i fall in love then lucky you! My services are free since ill be with you forever! Yay! ‘

You looked up and Hawks with a raised eyebrow. He was sipping his coffee looking smug as fuck. “Made it myself.” Gloated the Hero. You rolled your eyes at him .

“I think a week should be enough. Dont worry about the kiss i think it really pissed him off so thats good for me.”

He set his coffee down handing you a pen from his coat to sign the paper. “Great! Lets get to work, little Dove.”

•••••••••

And to work he did. Hawks hung around your job every single day , if he wasint sitting on the roof eating he was in the store holding up clothes for you to see and ask you to try on.

“Hawks im working”

“Y/n boss can she try this on?”

“Oh goodness of course!”

Eye roll but this time with a giggle.

Your ex stopped showing up too but that didint mean he didint follow you around on your dates with the Pro. He brought you to the movies, introduced you to other Pros, treated you to dinner. It was all really nice, you had never been treated this way and... it made your stomach get butterflies .

Not once did your ex approach you, not with Hawks holding you so close to him or holding your hand. He gave you little cheek kisses and picked you up in his arms taking off into the sky to really lose the damn guy.

On the 6th day your ex had pretty much got the picture abd left you alone . You were so relieved you invited Hawks to your home to treat him to dinner which he agreed to hapily . You asked him if you could cuddle him and he picked you up sitting on the couch with you holding his food for him.

He told you all about his side job and how fun it was ,but the love made it complicated, he had to break alotta hearts. You laid your head on his chest thinking about it , and if you should tell him or not.

[supertransural]

supernatural made me realize a bunch of shit about myself, specifically identity and it’s part of the reasons why i think it’s an inherently queer story.

allow me to clarify. once upon a time, 6 years ago, i found supernatural. back then i was mostly in the closet, even to myself. i’d gotten to that point of “hah wouldn’t it be nice to be like guys on tv and kiss the pretty girls” but not much further than that, because in most of the movies i had watched with my parents, the personality of the guy wasn’t really explored in the way supernatural (mostly unintentionally ngl) does with its characters.

so picture a teen, finding my first tv show to watch alone, being able to think my very own comments about it and not fear any repercussions from those thoughts because hey, i’m alone in my room i can think what i like about what i’m seeing. and feeling.

and here enters dean. complicated, comes from a rough childhood, parental expectations weighing so heavy on him it’s bleeding through his smiles, has a brother he feels is his duty to protect, is stuck in a loop of denial repression depression sublimation denial repression depression sublimation den-

you get the gist. i related to that guy. and then here he goes getting bi-coded (didn’t know what that was at the time but looking back, i could sure as hell feel it) and then kissing girls on screen, despite his wavering self-confidence. little ol’ gay me was like “yoooo i relate to this character on most of his character points, do i also relate to like..... wanting to do what he does??? do i wanna kiss other girls????”. fast forward one season and i’ve already figured out i was maybe bi. literally thanks to season 1 dean.

so, having figured out this “minor” aspect of myself, i went on youtube to find some other people like me and try to see if i was right to be homophobic towards myself or not. figured out, hey uh, definitely not. so you can also add “it ended up making me try to put a stop to my internalized homophobia” on the list of things that shitpost of a show helped me with.

i went back to the show for another season, relating even more to dean, and “blah blah blah queer coded character blah blah blah gay me could feel it before i knew what it was blah blah blah happy gay stuff”. several seasons passed by before anything new came up on my “hm this show rly out here bringing out all the queer aspects of myself huh” journey, but anyways i was still slowly but surely thinking holy shit i wanna be this goddamn man i want to be dean.

then comes season 4, walzing into my questioning little heart. oof ok, this season hit ALL the right spots for me. because i could feel what was going on between cas and dean and even though everything was still blurry as fuck, the parallel between sam/ruby and dean/cas was clear as day. and i was like “oh so you’re saying there’s a love here and it’s like that tarnished love between sam and ruby and it’s forbidden so that’s why we’re not seeing it and it’s like... gay”. so it made me realize “holy shit, i wanna see more gay content, and it’s ok to want that.”

then cas became another extremely relatable character, because i just kept thinking “he doesn’t really have a gender the same way other humans do” and i shit you not, he started me questioning my own gender. because again, a relatable character that you somewhat identify with that makes you ask questions about their identity INEVITABLY makes you ask questions about yourself. queue me going on youtube yet again to understand this shit a little better. i went through a few months of thinking “maybe i’m nb”, joined a few more gay communities on the internet, started learning about lgbtq+ things, watched a few more gay shows, and basically just grew a little more into my queerness.

fasforward several seasons, a couple gap years where i stopped watching it, and you’ll get to me a year ago. i thought i was a gay woman, fairly happy in that mental space and identity. but then. the whole “i wanna be dean” thing came up a lot again. because he just kept on being more and more visibly queer coded as i kept on learning more about this shit.

lo and behold, i jumped straight into the idea i was trans. and wouldya look at dat, i was right. quarantine happened, so i had to get even more of my interactions through online platforms, and quite obviously hovered around the gayer ones, or at least the lgbtq+ sides of them. and as i kept watching the show on and off, binging the first seasons for the 4th time, i kept learning more and more about myself. and those acts of gay frenzy were always started by seeing something relatable or strange in that show and looking it up. like, legitimately every time.

i found this community on tumblr a few weeks ago because i was tired of having my own little hypotheticals in my head and not knowing if anyone agreed, and the more i’ve been here the more i’ve learned about myself. the more i’ve let go of a lot of internalized hatred. the more i’ve been really ok with myself, as a trans guy. BUT ITS NOT FINISHED YET.

because, as we all know, it is common understanding here that dean is bi. WELL, i’ve been re-binging the show with that mindset finally clear in my head, and the “haha dean relatable lol” thing came up again, except it was really a “haha dean (who is bi) super relatable lol” thing now. so i paused, yet again, to think about that a little more. AND FIGURED OUT I WASNT STRAIGHT, IM BI AS FUCK.

that happened 1 month ago. i thought i’d grown fully into my queer self, that i’d gone through enough realizations and coming outs (to friends only, god forbid i come out to my parents (unfortunately quite literally god forbid lmao) before i’m out of here) for a lifetime. but apparently not. AND IT WAS STILL BECAUSE OF SUPERNATURAL. destiel and trans!dean fics helped with my internalized transphobia and homophobia, they helped with acceptance of those parts of myself. something that helped was also seeing the fact that shipping two guys in a tv show wasn’t just “being greedy with my grubby little gay hands” and wanting to think of a character as trans wasn’t just “being delusional and ridiculous”. and reading fics wasn’t cringy, it was nice and comforting.

so to try and sum up this unhinged gay rant, what i meant by my initial statement is this.

looking back on this entire self-discovery journey that i went on, it really felt like i was in the impala with the boys, except i was on a different kind of route (just picture this giant road painted in rainbow colors with baby driving at 80mph on it, that’s what it felt like). i grew with those characters, but most importantly i grew THANKS to those characters. their story was queer enough to make me, a fairly homophobic, traditional, conservative kid into a lib trans bi dude. and not in a “i got converted by the fandoms” way. i found the fandom waaaaayyyyyyyy later. i stumbled upon the fandoms looking for answers about this gayass goddamn show that i could FEEL was like me but couldn’t verbalize yet.

their story felt like a queer self discovery story and i could already see that before i went on it myself. no other shows have ever done that for me, and i’ve watched shows that had lgbtq+ characters in them, scripted gay scenes, not just subtext but text. and they still didn’t do that for me.

so this is why this show is so meaningful to be, and incidentally so very gay. like genuinely.

[shittyfanfic]

I have a marvel request. If you don't mind, may I ask for a fic about Peter's twin who survived the blip, how they handled the five years without their twin? Maybe they're a hero? Any gender is good! And maybe a little reunion when everyone who was blipped returned between the twin and May and Peter?

GUYS THIS IS MY FIRST REQUEST IM SO EXCITED

The Future’s Not Ours to See

Warnings: Angst, Crying

Word Count: 1,692

When the ship landed and you stood amongst what was left of the Avengers, you felt hopeful.

You felt a sense of hope that your dorky twin brother would come stumbling down the stairs and say something dumb like, “Star Wars made space seem less terrifying” and you would punch him in the arm for scaring you and hug him with all of your super strength.

So when Tony and a mysterious blue woman came trudging off the ship, you were beginning to feel that hope turn into horror and sadness.

When Tony told you and Steve that he had ‘lost the kid’, you fell to your knees.

You expected yourself to scream and cry, hell, everyone did, but you just sat there and stared at the grass wondering where you went wrong.

Tony hugged you on the ground and kept apologizing for what had happened, saying he would trade his life for Peter’s if he could.

You kept thinking that you would do the same.

***

After mourning for another hour or so, Steve picked you up and carried you inside, your legs not being able to hold you up at the moment. Normally you’d be flipping out and bragging to Peter about how Captain America is carrying you like a princess.

Now you felt like an empty paper lunch bag, tearing at the bottom from an invisible weight.

You sit in one of the chairs spread around the table, listening to Natasha explain how Thanos did what he said he would and watched as pictures of those who had vanished slowly fade in and out.

When Peter’s popped up, you buried your head in your hands and tried to keep quiet.

Everyone continued to talk about how to reverse everything. You wanted to joke about how no one has ever listened to Que Sera Sera, but that thought was crushed by the title wave of negative emotions in record time.

Even as the team planned and Tony blew up at Steve, you stared into space.

Everyone jokes that twins are a half of one another and that they complete each other. Sure, you and Peter fought sometimes and were mean to each other over things both big and small, but you honestly felt like you were only half alive. Your brother is gone.

What ever will be will be.

***

When the team returned with the news about Thanos and their backfired plan, you felt the same as you had when you found out Peter was initially gone.

You held no hope for the Avengers getting the stones and redoing what that psychopath had done.

Sometimes even the best have to lose.

You half expected them to try and think of something else to do. After all, they’re the Avengers and they don’t take no for an answer.

But it seemed like their journey through the stars had sucked all hope and emotion out of the group and left shells of people behind.

Everyone seemed to get the memo that what was happening was just how it was gonna be, some later than others, and one by one the once perky and hopeful bunch disbanded off to try and rebuild from the rubble or just wallow in it instead.

***

Aunt May had picked you up after you called from the compound. She was too choked up to respond, but you managed to hear that she was coming to bring you home.

“Oh my gosh!”

When she got out of the car, she left the door open and launched herself into you for the strongest hug she could muster. Everything that you needed to say and that she couldn’t convey was said through that embrace.

“Hey May,” you buried you head in the crook of her neck. “I’m home.”

*Five Years Later*

You had gone through all the emotions and processing you needed after what has now been labeled ‘The Blip’...almost. Only took half a decade.

You had gotten over the fact that you should’ve gone on that spaceship with Peter rather than sit on that dumb lamppost nearby and should’ve been on Titan with him instead of panicking on Earth.

In his absence, you became the new Spider-Man. You found an old suit of his, AI and everything, and did patrols like he did. You even knew his old routes and advice he’d given you when he would ramble after a night of crime stopping.

When you initially got your powers along with your twin, you didn’t want to have to use them because being a superhero and dealing with the responsibility that comes with it wasn’t something you wanted at the time. Maybe you’re doing it now to honor your brother. You don’t even know anymore.

You had to adjust to your powers as well as the webshooters and the suit as you had never used your abilities much before, save mundane tasks like getting a snack without getting caught by May.

Once you got the hang of it, you went around and tried to help. It was less action and more basic work like helping a family get food or getting a cat out of a tree.

Every time you donned that mask, you wore it with pride as well as a weight. You had to live up to Peter.

***

When you got called to the compound, you were confused to say the least. Mr. Stark, as you remembered Peter calling him, came to your apartment to let you know that they had a way to get everyone back.

At first, you laughed and offered him a cookie you had made, saying if he needed someone to talk to, you’d listen.

After realizing he wasn’t going through a rough patch, talking and running through logistics, you began to realize this was a chance that you couldn’t pass up.

You told May, and while she was against you going, she knew that you would be devastated if you didn’t.

So you and Mr. Stark arrived at the compound a few hours later and were met by a team of somewhat optimistic heroes.

***

You couldn’t breath.

You tried sucking in air but got dust instead. Your coughs echoed off the concrete.

The weight of the collapsed compound was crushing you down and you were afraid.

One minute you think all life has been restored and the next an alien ship is launching missiles at you.

You tried calling out, pushing yourself up and clawing at metal sheets, but nothing seemed to work.

Just as you were ready to accept that you would die here, Bruce came stomping over calling your name.

“I’m here! B-Bruce I’m here!”

He quickly ran to you and threw what was pinning you down off to the side like it weighed no more than a cardboard box.

“Hey, are you okay?”

You coughed and nodded as he helped you up.

You didn’t like what you saw.

The compound was leveled. The once lush, green surrounding area was scorched with dust covering the sun and sky. Trees burnt black had flickers of orange embers and craters splotched the land.

You could hear yelling through the comms but couldn’t listen as you took in the sight around you.

Bruce quickly picked you up with his good hand and set you on his shoulder.

“Hang on kid!”

He raced over to where Cap said he was fighting.

Seeing him fight Thanos by himself was terrifying. Seeing him wielding Thor’s mighty hammer quelled the fear a bit, but you were still afraid for him.

You attempted to jump off of the giant green man’s shoulder only for him to pull you back and shake his head with a scared look.

“Bruce I can’t sit here while he fights an all powerful titan by himself!” You try fighting his grip again.

“Kid, running in there is suicide.”

“So is fighting Thanos alon-”

A loud roar rang through the sky as creatures began appearing. An army rallied behind Thanos. Hundreds upon hundreds of aliens lined behind him, each willing to die for his insane cause.

Before them stood one man, tightening a broken shield on his arm, ready to fight.

***

The portals had opened, so many ready to engage in a fight that would determine the fate of all life, and the battle began at Steve’s battle cry.

Chaos erupted as the two sides clashed. You webbed up as many mindless space gremlins and activated instant kill for the first time, piercing several of the creatures through the heart before repeating, all while looking around in amazement at the array of allies around you.

Pegasi flying across the sky, magic shields being placed in front of people, aliens and creatures you’d never even seen.

He would love this.

***

When you saw Peter land with the glove and Captain Marvel take off with it, you sprinted to him and skid on your knees in front of him.

“Peter?”

He had blood on his face, covered in dirt and sweat with messy hair and a terrified expression and you made sure to commit every detail and curve to memory.

“H-Hey. Long time no-”

You slammed into him and began to cry into his shoulder. Nothings else mattered except that your brother was in your arms and he was safe.

“If y-you ever pull anything like this again, I will melt your legos into a sword and stab you.” Your voice trembled with sobs.

“I missed you too.”

You both laughed and cried as you clung to each other for dear life.

***

After the battle, you took Peter back to May and watched as she crushed Peter in her arms and refused to let go.

She eventually grabbed you and smushed you into the hug as well, keeping her family in her arms and not daring to waste a second.

You all attended Tony’s funeral. Both you and Peter were trying to keep it together and failing miserably.

Once the service concluded, you all went back to the apartment and laid on the floor. No one said anything because no one had to.

You were back together and that needed no words.