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waitimcomingtoo · 4 years ago

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In Case You Don’t Live Forever

~chapter three rewritten~

Pairing: Peter Parker x Venom!Reader

Synopsis: you are Peter’s greatest love and Spiderman’s greatest enemy

Series Masterlist

Peter arrived at the Avengers tower with a little pep in his step. His new neighbor was on his mind and he couldn’t get her off. He knew it was a long shot, after all you’d only had one conversation, but he felt like there was a connection between you. You were awkward, he was awkward. What more does a relationship need?

Tony was quick to notice the change in Peters mood. A dreamy smile crept across his face every now and then while Tony was trying to explain something about his nanotechnology.

“Alright Underoos, whats on your mind? A girl? Boy? That gorgeous Aunt of yours? Oh wait no, that’s what’s on my mind.” Tony smirked, making a blush paint Peters cheeks.

“Nothing sir. Sorry, I’ll pay attention.” Peter answered quickly. Tony scanned Peter up and down skeptically.

“So its a girl. Alright. Who is she?” Tony asked, motioning for Peter to sit down with him.

“This girl moved in across the hall from me about a week ago. I’d see her on the stairs sometimes, or in the lobby. She’s beautiful, Mr. Stark. I mean, really beautiful. And I know girls are a lot more than their appearance, trust me, but I can never look away. It’s like God made a perfect batch of cookie dough, and then made a perfect cookie cutter, and then hand made her just for me. There’s just, there’s something about her. I feel like I’ve always known her, and I don’t even know her yet. She knocked on my door this morning and I nearly had a heart attack when I saw her through the peephole. I played dumb and acted like I didn’t know she lived across the hall.” Peter started to explain. A twinge of embarrassment struck him at the memory of what he said to you.

“Oh God. You said something stupid, didn’t you?” Tony inquired, noticing the look of embarrassment on Peters face as he recalled their conversation. Tony leaned on his hands like a child, this stuff exciting him more than anything.

“I insulted her dead father and called him smelly.” Peter admitted, and Tony laughed.

“But she found it funny and agreed with me.” Peter quickly followed up.

“Wow. Normally I’d say there’s no coming back from that, but she seems like a keeper. So, are you gonna throw on your Spidey suit and take her for a ride around the city? Works with all the ladies.” Tony wiggled eyebrows, but Peter shook his head.

“No. Spider-Man isn’t a party trick or some tactic to pick up girls. Plus, I want her to like me for me. That’s why I invited her over for dinner tonight.” Peter answered. Tony looked down at his hands, not wanting Peter to see how proud he was. He couldn’t let Peter get too cocky.

“That was a test and you passed.” To y quipped. “Alright, spider child, you have my blessing. But no funny business tonight. If I find out I’m gonna have to design nanotech baby clothes, I’m gonna be pissed.”

Peter blushed at the mere thought of what Tony was implying and spent the rest of his time at the tower going over missions to get you off his mind.

You arrived at Peters at 6:07. You were done getting ready at 5:45, and sat in the living room on your phone until you were slightly late. You didn’t want to be early, like some loser. Or even worse, on time. You had to be fashionably, but not rudely, late.

You knocked on Peters door at 6:07 and waited. The door swung open instantly, as if he’d be waiting right behind.

“I know what you’re thinking.” He stated. “I’ll let you decide if I was waiting at the door for you or if I’m just really fast. “

He had successfully broken the ice, and you gave kudos to him for trying.

You, on the other hand, were drawing a blank. You had no idea what to say and you were a reporter for crying out loud. You didn’t get tripped up on my words, but something about Peter Parker and that damn collared shirt rendered you unable to formulate a thought. All you could do was stand there and smile at him. You felt like you were standing weirdly and all the sudden had no idea where to put your hands. Do you leave them at your sides? That felt too stiff and soldier-like. But where else would they go? You were pretty sure every brain cell had left your body at that point, leaving you defenseless.

“You look nice.” Peter blurted, interrupting the awkward silence that had settled between you. Even he seemed surprised by his statement. You looked down and shrugged. You looked as nice as a lazy person who didn’t fully unpack their clothes could look. You had on a casual grey dress that was made of some sort of t-shirt material, and your hair was in a loose bun with a few curls framing your face. Peter took in your appearance with what looked like approval. Then you noticed Peters gaze falling to your feet.

“Converse with a dress.” He noted. “Bold move.”

You felt your personality re-enter your body, finally, and nodded.

“Oh yeah. You know me. Quirky and cool and not like other girls.” You joked as you clicked your heels together. “You look nice too. Very…Freddie Benson.”

Freddie Benson? Who the hell makes an ICarly reference to compliment someone? This night was going downhill fast and you regretted ever knocking on his door.

“Dude. You’re tanking.” Venom said in your ear, you had to agree. This couldn’t be going worse.

But lo and behold, Peters beautiful laugh filled your ears once again.

“That’s what I was going for!” He cheered. “My friend Ned always teases me for wearing sweaters and button downs but he just doesn’t have the vision.”

“Come in.” He suddenly stepped aside and gestured inward. ��Dinners almost ready.”

Peters apartment looked just like yours, but much more homey. You saw his baby pictures on the wall, coupled with pictures of him and his parents through the years. You noticed a framed picture of a different couple on the coffee table. They resembled Peter but you didn’t see them in any photos with him past the age of around 7. There was a candle next to the frame, as well as a ceramic cross. You quickly looked away, not wanting to overstep.

“You must be Y/N. It’s very nice to meet you.” You heard a woman’s voice from behind you. You turned around and saw a woman in high pants and a yellow tank top, recognized her from the pictures with Peter.

“I am. It’s very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Parker.” You said politely and shook her hand.

“Please.” She shook your hand. “Call me May.”

“May.” You repeated with a smile.

You turned around and saw Peter pulling out a chair for you, so you sat down while May finished preparing dinner. You offered to help, being the polite ass bitch that you were, but May insisted that you were the guest. A plate of “meatloaf” was soon placed in front of you and Peter. The term “meatloaf” is used very loosely. It looked more like an old shriveled brain. Peter made eye contact with you and winked.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” He whispered. He glanced at May, who was busy pouring the drinks, before leaning in closer and whispering, “it’s way worse.”

You playfully kicked Peter under the table and he giggled, quickly masking the sound with a drink of water.

“So, Y/N, where do you go to school?” May started the conversation. You took a bite of meatloaf, nearly died, and swallowed before answering.

“I’m actually taking a gap year before I start my junior year at Berkeley.” You told her. “And I work part time as a reporter.”

“That’s a very good school.” She complimented. “And I thought you looked familiar. I’ve seen your show on YouTube.”

“I haven’t.” Peter realized. “What’s it called?”

“The L/n Report.” You answered. “I started it my freshman year and it just kinda took off.”

“Oh. I’ve read some of yoru articles, but I haven’t seen the show.” Peter realized. “I can’t believe you do that. That’s really cool. You’re really cool.”

“Thank you.” You winked at him, not used to being praised for your work.

“Peter told me about your father.” May changed the subject. “I’m so sorry to hear that he passed. He left the apartment to you?”

“He did.” You nodded. “And it’s all right. We were estranged anyway.”

“It must be so different living alone in a city.” May sighed. “Did you dorm while at Berkeley?”

“No, I lived with my boyfriend.” You shook your head. Peter began choking on his water at the mention of a boyfriend and May shot him a look.

“Peter. Manners.” She said sternly.

“Boyfriend?” Was all he managed to say between coughs and sputters.

Oh great. Time for this conversation.

“Ex-boyfriend.” You corrected. “I got him demoted to traffic duty for two weeks and he wasn’t too happy about it.”

“He broke up with you over that?” Peter raised an eyebrow. “That’s gotta be the dumbest reason for a breakup I’ve ever heard.”

“May I ask how you got him demoted?” May wondered.

“Well, I’m an investigative reporter, and my ex, Andy, is a cop.” You began. “I looked at some classified files on his computer and used them against someone.”

“Carlton Drake, right?” She realized the story sounded familiar. “I read about that. Your exposé about him was everywhere.”

“Didn’t he die in his own rocket?” Peter asked you, fully invested in the story.

“Yea. I was there. Me and…my friend.” You caught yourself before almost mentioning Venom.

“Gosh I read that story forever ago.” May recalled. “It was all over the news here. I remember Peter ranting to me that this girl was straight out of high school and already taking down shady guys in San Francisco. You were obsessed with the article, remember Peter? I’m pretty sure you hung it up.”

Peter, you guessed it, turned bright red.

“I just thought you were cool. You know, taking down bad guys and all at such a young age. It really inspired me.” Peter explained. He suddenly looked panicked, like he said too much, and you wondered what it inspired him to do.

“Thank you Peter.” You smiled fondly. “How old are you anyway?”

“19. I’ll be 20 on August 10th.” He said proudly. “What about you?”

“He’s legal.” Venom whispered in your ear. You couldn’t even be mad at her, you were thinking the same thing.

“I’m 20.” You told him, and smile crept across his face.

“And this boyfriend, where is he now?” May asked. May wasn’t blind to what was happening between her nephew and this new neighbor and knew that’s what Peter was dying to ask.

“I would very much also like to know that.” Peter said, almost robotically. He leaned in closer and stared at you while he awaited the answer.

“He’s engaged, actually.” You said between sips of water, making Peter sigh in relief. “To a friend of mine. They’re getting married this summer.”

It was the first time you said those words out loud. You didn’t feel sad, like you thought you would. You didn’t really know how you felt. The smile that broke out on Peters face gave a clear indication on how he felt, though.

“That’s great. I mean, not great great. Great for him, I mean. It’s always good to move on. Wether it be with an old friend or a brand new one. Maybe it’s with someone you just met. You never know. Things just happen between the most random of people. Could be a stranger. Or, or, hear me out, it could be less of a stranger. Like a barista, or a mailman or a…a neighbor.” Peter stumbled over his words, the last part coming out very quietly. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out though. Between you and him, I mean. ”

“Thanks.” You shrugged. “It was tough at first but, I’m okay now. He wasn’t the one.”

“When you do find the one, you’ll know. I knew almost immediately that Ben was the one. I saw him and my heart said “that’s the one you’ve been looking for” and I believed it.” May sighed wistfully. You could see her eyes glistening behind her glasses and did something rather bold. You put your hand on top of hers and squeezed. She gave off this loving motherly vibe that you had only seen in movies but never felt for yourself. May gave you the warmest smile and squeezed your hand back.

“That’s lovely May. Although, I always thought when you met the one, your heart wouldn’t say that it’s been looking for that person. I always thought it would say ‘welcome home’, or something like that. You know? Like, you’ve always known them. I don’t know though. Maybe I’ve just seen The Princess Bride one too many times.” You shrugged.

“Ah. That’s a classic in this household.” May recalled. “Peter would refuse to go to bed without watching it.”

“Because it’s a cinematic masterpiece.” Peter sassed. “You’re trying to embarrass me by pointing out that even as a child I had impeccable taste? Oh please.”

You laughed at his remark, making May noticed the smile that broke out on Peters face when he succeeded in making their new neighbor laugh.

May looked at you for a while with a content smile on her face before saying, “Yeah. I suppose you do have good taste.”

#peter parker x reader #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker fanfiction #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #iron man #peter parker imagine #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfiction #peter parker x venom!reader #venom!reader

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adultingautistic · 4 years ago

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Heyyy! So, when I was a kid, I was able to do a lot of things - I was on the gifted list for english lessons and in a seperate class, I was p decent at math, and science was easy peasy. Now, I'm much older and heading into higher education,, but It seems my needs have changed. My sensory issues are a lot worse, but the thing that strikes me the most is how my needs for support have changed. I now need help reading questions so I don't miss out on important information, and I need extra- (1/2)

(2/2) time to process things in order to be able to answer things or give a coherent reply. Bombarding me with questions verbally causes me to go nonverbal. I have meltdowns a LOT. Is this a common occurance in autistic people? When I was small I didn't show as many traits, but as the world has changed around me, I've begun to show more traits, and been in need of far more support. Should I be worried? Does this happen a lot? How can I deal with it? Thank you for your time. -🦈

Ask Date: September 10th

Hi, are you me? Did I secretly write this ask?

Because you are describing my life exactly.

I was also very bright in gradeschool/highschool and flew through the lessons with one eye closed because they were so easy for me. Forget needing extra help, I was giving it! I tutored a whole bunch of my friends and helped other countless kids understand the assignments.

Then my first year of college, I failed out. My grades for my first semester in college were F, D, F, I, and P. (Fail, Fail, Incomplete, and “Pass” which is code for “your grade was extremely low”). Basically, you can’t do worse.

Now I was also going through some incredible emotional trauma at the time involving my family that I won’t go into here...but had I been in high school at the time, I know my grades wouldn’t have suffered as much as they did.

So what happened?

This is only a theory, because I can only base this on my own experience as an autistic student. But I think what happened was it was too much change, too fast, with a sudden lack of support that was once there.

So here’s the thing. Autistics struggle in huge ways to learn social rules. This makes it really hard for us to make friends, gets us bullied, gets us called “weird”, etc. We need things explicitly spelled out for us, we need to be told what the rules are But school, as it is for a kid, is the MOST structured environment most of us will ever be in (the only thing I can think of that’s even more structured than school is the military). And this enables autistics to thrive!

School is all about routine! It’s about doing the same things and going the same places every day. The rules are explicitly explained, and they are clear, and we can understand them and follow them! Raise your hand if you want to speak! Don’t talk during a test! These rules are concrete and we can understand them, and follow them.

So then you spend 12 years learning the ins and outs of “School social”. By the time you get to the end of high school, you’ve got it down. You’ve spent your whole life at this and you’re pretty good at it. You know what to expect, you know what to do.

And then it’s gone.

Boom. Nothing.

College is nothing like grade school was. Your day isn’t pre-determined for you by others, you determine your schedule. If you forget a homework, no teacher is going to remind you the next day or ask you again. You just get a 0, nobody says anything, and life goes on. If you missed how the professor was informing students of what the assignments were, then well- you just don’t know what they are. Nobody’s going to check up on you. Nobody’s going to care that you’re failing. The professor is not there to support you.

In fact, you suddenly have NO support, at ALL. It’s hard to see when you’re IN gradeschool how much support you’re really getting, but it’s a lot. Teachers guide you. They explain things many times. They bug you when you forgot an assignment. They let you complete things late. There is so much help that you’re used to, and it’s enough support that you’re able to actually use your brain for what it’s supposed to be used for - learning.

When I first got to college, I had a bunch of zeros for my grades, and I didn’t even know where they came from. Apparently, the professors had been giving out assignments- but I missed that social cue, and I was unaware there were assignments. And it was different in every class. Some of them just quietly wrote it on the board, never said a word, and dear God you hoped you noticed it. Some of them just sent an email. If you didn’t know to read your email, welp. Some of them just handed out the syllabus with due dates and that was that.

It was impossible for me. My communication struggles suddenly hit me head-on like a brick to the face.

On top of that, the precious, precious routine from grade school was gone. Suddenly I was supposed to plan my day, and decide what to do with my time- when I had spent exactly 0 minutes learning how to do that or building those kinds of skills in gradeschool.

This was beyond stressful. And what happens when I’m stressed? My ability to handle sensory input crashes. Normally, I can handle a Bad Input or two for awhile, but if I’m already stressed, I can’t handle anything. So that yucky smell coming from that person next to you? What was before a little annoying is now “I have to leave the room” levels of intolerable.

Forget trying to be social, or to communicate. You mentioned being asked questions as sending you into near overload territory to the point that you go nonverbal- and this can absolutely happen if you’re stressed.

Autistics struggle hugely with change. Change is very, very difficult for us. And going from high school to college is one of the biggest changes there is in a person’s life. It’s a huge thing to handle. It’s going to cause stress. Which is going to lower your ability to process verbal questions, and all other sensory input.

So basically, yes, this is absolutely normal for an autistic person who is facing such a huge change. When we are stressed, all our autistic traits “show more”. That’s because we have less energy to mask. We can’t compensate.

But what you are doing is exactly the right thing. You’re using the supports that are given to you, and bravo to you for doing that! Rather than needlessly struggling, you’re making use of the accommodations that are available, so that you can still succeed! This is wonderful, and excellent self-care.

It took you 12 years to learn how to do grade school correctly. Learning how to do college is much harder and a huge change from that. It’s like you’re starting the game over from level 1- all the skills, items, and experience you earned is gone, because it’s a totally new level and the rules are so very different.

You do not have to be worried about yourself. It’s not really you that has changed, it’s your environment. The support system of routine, familiarity, and consistency that you had relied on for all your life are now gone, which is making your autistic traits “show” more, but they were always there. You were just compensating for them without realizing it.

Now you’re realizing you’re compensating for them, by using accommodations, but that’s okay. That’s exactly what you SHOULD be doing. The point isn’t what accommodations you needed- the point is to get the degree. And once you get it, it will be just as valid and count for just as much as anyone else’s, and you will have earned it, and you deserve it.

You’re doing amazing and I’m super proud of you. Keep going!

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #college #university #change #routine #support #accommodations #ask

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violetwolfraven · 4 years ago

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From the prompt ask any era #25 and #29 for javid, with a hint of sprace

Our mutual friends set us up.

and

I didn’t realize I was gay for you until someone else pointed it out and I’m a dumbass but can I be your dumbass?

Modern era it is! I don’t write enough of that.

...

“Y’know, this is on us,” Davey admitted, “We should’ve known Race wouldn’t want to show us an empty barn.”

Jack nodded in agreement, “We’re stupid. Yeah. So, how’re we gonna get out of here?”

Davey had no idea, honestly.

He didn’t really know why Race and Spot had decided to buy a farm out in the middle of nowhere, but it was useful for the yearly 4th of July party. There was enough space for everyone, and fresh eggs were definitely better than the store-bought kind.

And there was a big, empty barn that Spot and Race had supposedly been fixing up so they could get a horse, which conveniently already had doors that locked to keep coyotes out.

And no cell service, given that the barn was out of the WiFi’s range and the farm itself was in the middle of nowhere.

They really should’ve known that Race wouldn’t show them an empty barn as if it was exciting, even if he and Spot had been working pretty hard on it.

Long story short, Davey and Jack were locked in a very sturdy barn with no way out.

“So,” Davey said, looking around, “Why do ya think they locked us in here?”

“Does it matter?”

Davey shrugged, “Chances are, Spot and Race are listening somehow. They won’t let us out until whatever it is they’re hopin’ for happens. And I have no idea what they want, so you probably do.”

Jack looked like he was thinking, and then realization flashed across his face.

“Those little shits.”

“What is it?”

Jack laughed in a terrified kind of way, then shouted to the rafters, “You can just let us out, Race, cause it ain’t gonna happen!”

“What ain’t gonna happen?”

“Spot, I expect this shit from Race, but from you it’s just disappointin’!”

“What is it?” Davey asked again, “What do they want?”

Jack sighed, “It’s nothin’, Davey.”

Davey punched his best friend in the shoulder lightly, “It’s clearly not nothing, so what is it?”

He didn’t answer.

“Jack.”

“Look, it’s none of your business.”

“They ain’t gonna let us out unless we talk about whatever this is,” Davey pointed out, “So just tell me what the problem is.”

“I can’t.”

Jack wasn’t meeting his eyes, which was... weird, to say the least.

Whatever this was, he was nervous about it. He thought Davey would disapprove of... whatever it was?

Of course, that made a million scenarios pop up in Davey’s brain, and he had to push away ideas of drugs, gang activity, and a bunch of other horrible things Jack might think wouldn’t end well if he tried to come to Davey for help about them. He had to have more faith in his best friend than that.

“Jackie, look at me.”

Slowly, clearly reluctantly, Jack did.

“There’s nothing you could say that would make me leave ya,” Davey said firmly, “You’re my best friend. Whatever it is Spot and Race think it’s so important for me to know, I’ll do whatever I can to help.”

Jack snorted, “Oh, I don’t need help on anythin’. My secret ain’t the dangerous kind—it’d just make things weird.”

“What things?”

“You and me. We live together, Dave. We work not a mile apart from each other. Hell, we ain’t been apart for more than a couple weeks at most since middle school. We got a good thing goin’, and I don’t wanna mess that up.”

“Well, being locked in a barn messes it up a bit, don’t ya think?”

Jack snorted, but he was still staying quiet.

Honestly... it kind of hurt, that he’d kept some secret for what sounded like a long time. They told each other everything. Or, at least, Davey had thought they did.

But that had taken years, hadn’t it?

Jack’s childhood had been pretty messed up. He’d been failed by a lot of people, one way or another, and even being type where pain made him want to make sure nobody else ever got hurt, it had given him intense issues to work through.

Davey had met him in 7th grade and it had taken until their freshman year of high school to get him to drop his guard even a little. And after that, it had taken the rest of high school—months of proving he wouldn’t break his trust, hours spent holding Jack while he cried but still couldn’t bring himself to tell Davey a thing—and only after all that came a night not a month after they moved into their college dorm.

It had been a bad night for Jack, around the anniversary of his biological mother’s death, and he’d told Davey he trusted him more than anyone, with everything he had.

That was almost two years ago. Davey didn’t see how he could have missed that Jack was holding back one more secret. One bad enough that he was worried about it ruining their friendship.

“Jack, whatever it is, it’ll be fine,” Davey promised, “If you want, after you tell me, I’ll just pretend you never said anything. Just... tell me so we can get out of here?”

Jack was still hesitating, and while it was frustrating, how Davey didn’t know what more he could possibly do to prove he wouldn’t hurt him, he didn’t blame Jack. He’d been hurt enough times that being overly cautious made sense.

“Well... I can’t promise I’d stand by you if you killed someone,” he reasoned, trying to lighten the mood, “Unless they really deserved it.”

Jack laughed, “Okay, Davey.”

“Or if you play holiday music before Thanksgiving behind my back,” Davey teased, “Or if you secretly pull the wings off grasshoppers for fun. Or if you—“

“Stop,” Jack laughed.

“I’d leave you if you mowed the lawn at 3:41 in the morning every Tuesday while blasting Metallica from an old boom box on the porch.”

“That is oddly specific.”

“My family used to have an old man neighbor who did that,” Davey explained, “We moved to Manhattan for a reason. Anyway...”

“I’m in love with you.”

Jack looked almost as surprised as Davey as he blurted that out.

“I have been,” he added, after a good ten seconds of silence, “Since like, 8th grade. I just never said it cause... I dunno. I knew ya weren’t homophobic or nothin’, but it was just easier if nothin’ changed either way ‘tween us. I liked what we were doin’—I still do.”

Davey was still kind of frozen.

Jack was in love with him? This was a pretty big thing.

It made him feel kind of stupid, a little bit like a bad friend, for never having noticed.

Looking back, it wasn’t especially obvious, but it wasn’t not obvious, either.

“Race has been pressurin’ me to make a move since 10th grade,” Jack said awkwardly, “Crutchie, too. And Romeo. And Spot, and... well, basically everyone. Race actually used to say he was gonna lock us in a room until I confessed, but I thought he was joking. They all insisted you felt the same, but I always told ‘em, ‘I thinks I know my own best friend best.’ I know you...”

Jack was still talking, but Davey wasn’t listening. Instead, his mind was zeroing in on the last sentance he heard.

They all insisted you felt the same.

Davey had... never thought about it. About loving Jack like that. He’d never even considered the possibility.

He was probably stupid for that, but he just... hadn’t. Davey had known he loved Jack as a friend for years—how could he not?—but he’d never even thought about the possibility of being in love with him.

Was he in love with Jack?

They pretty much did everything couples did, already, besides the kissing and things like that. Davey would die for Jack. He would dedicate his life to making Jack happy. He trusted him with his life.

Did that mean he was in love with him?

...holy shit.

Jack was still rambling.

“Jack,” Davey said quietly, hoping he’d stop.

He did, wearing a frown that was meant to hide his fear.

Davey could see right through him, but he pretended he couldn’t.

“Have you really been in love with me since 8th grade?”

Jack shrugged, looking at the floor, “At least. That’s when I realized it. In hindsight, it mighta started even sooner, but...”

He trailed off as Davey took a couple steps closer.

“Jackie,” Davey said quietly, “It’s been... damn, it’s been 7 years, and I didn’t see it. I’m a dumbass.”

“Says the ‘double major, plays 3 instruments, 3.8 GPA’ student,” Jack pointed out.

He... was not wrong about that, but that wasn’t valid.

“Book smart and life smart are two different things.”

Jack snorted, “Is ‘street smarts’ another one?”

“Jack.”

“Sorry.”

Davey sighed, “What I’m trying to say is that... I’m oblivious for not noticin’ your feelings, but...”

He took a deep breath. He’d realized this approximately a minute and a half ago, had no time to process it, but telling him was right in a nauseating, terrifying kind of way.

“I’m a dumbass because I didn’t notice mine.”

Jack’s mouth dropped open in shock.

Davey smiled, then shouted to the rafters.

“Race, you can let us out now!”

To both of their surprise, it was Spot who opened the barn door, less than 5 minutes later.

“You idiots have issues,” he declared.

“Who convinced ya to make a move with my little brother again?” Jack asked.

Davey laughed. Maybe it was several years late, but better to get a late start than not to start anything at all.

#newsies #javid #javey #jack kelly #david davey jacobs #davey jacobs #david jacobs #modern era #violet’s writing

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calzonafan2014 · 5 years ago

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Calzona Christmas Fic Season 8

Title: What a Difference a Year Makes Part 1

Rating: PG

About: Callie and Arizona are happily married and planning their first Christmas together until a surprise call threatens to keep them apart.

Author’s Note: this is super old, and I thought I would bring it back for Christmas. Happy, dorky, and fun Calzona before the plane crash.

December 12

Callie entered her apartment after a long but exhilarating shift and tossed her coat haphazardly in the typical direction of the sofa. She frowned when she heard it hit the floor. Turning to pick it up her eyes opened wide as she noted not only a missing sofa but also the Christmas spectacle that had replaced it.

“Uh, Arizona?” Callie asked, looking around for her wife.

She and Arizona had thrown up a few decorations after Thanksgiving. And they’d bought a huge tree the previous weekend. A tree that had been sitting forlornly in their living room ever since, as neither she nor Arizona had wanted to deal with the hassle of adding the lights. Now though, the whole thing twinkled with hundreds of clear lights, a beautiful garland with candles glowing festooned their mantle; every picture that graced their walls had been carefully wrapped in Christmas paper; and the coup de grace, an electric Rudolph stood proudly in place of their couch.

Arizona, clad in a ridiculously cheery Christmas sweater, popped out of the kitchen into the living room and grinned in excitement at her wife, “Callie, you’re home early. I’m not done yet.”

“Seriously? What exactly is missing?” Callie asked. Other than Santa and his eight other reindeer she thought to herself, but wisely didn’t say out loud.

“I was just going to make some mulled wine. Of course, if you think something’s missing I’ve got a few more pieces we can add,” Arizona said with a dimpled smile before she turned and headed back into the kitchen.

“Everything’s perfect just as it is,” Callie said quickly. “You’ve been…busy.”

“It’s Sofia’s first Christmas, I wanted it to be special.”

“Oh, it’s special all right,” Callie replied, and while there may have been a bit of residual snark, she was beginning to come around as the surprise wore off and she began to grin.

“You don’t like it.” Arizona’s voice was flat as she popped the cork to the second red wine bottle and began pouring it into the pan. Callie mentally smacked herself before heading into the kitchen and placing her hands on Arizona’s stiff shoulders.

“Arizona – it’s awesome.”

“Really?” Arizona asked skeptically, keeping her back turned to Callie even as she played with the wine on the stove. “Because you don’t…”

Callie forced Arizona around to face her. “I was surprised. You’ve gotta admit, you’re hard to predict. One minute you’re snarling about baby showers and birthday parties and the next we’ve got our very own Rudolph.” Which reminded Callie, “Where exactly is our sofa?”

“At Mark’s. I needed the extra room.”

Callie nodded slowly, “Aaand – we have a perfectly comfortable floor that we don’t sit on nearly enough.”

Arizona had the grace to blush at this, so Callie grabbed her opportunity and kissed her wife.

“You’re amazing.”

Arizona perked up and smiled up at Callie “I am?”

“Definitely,” Callie replied. “Let’s host a Christmas Eve party,” she blurted.

Now it was Arizona’s turn to blink, “Okay…” she replied, a bit tentative even as Callie got more enthused.

“My parents used to do it every year in Miami.”

Arizona smiled gamely, “That sounds like fun.”

“It’s kind of a tradition. I want Sofia to have that…”

“Me too,” Arizona replied softly.

“Great,” Callie said quickly, refusing to get wrapped up in any sentiment surrounding her mostly absent relatives. “I’ll invite the gang, but you’re on point for Teddy.”

“Callie, I’m not sure she’s going to want to…”

“Arizona, when was the last time you talked to Teddy?” Callie’s sudden exasperation made Arizona feel even guiltier than she already did.

“We talk,” she replied defensively.

“Um hm.”

“She’s probably working that day anyway,” Arizona added. Because really, what else was there?

“Arizona, Teddy’s still mad at me. And I get it – I totally get it. But she’s also mad at Owen and Cristina. You’re the only one outside of the anger zone. She needs you.”

“I know, I know. We talk, we do.” Callie didn’t look convinced.

This wasn’t the first time the subject of Teddy had come up since Henry’s death. Callie had wanted to have her over for Thanksgiving but Arizona had explained that Teddy was still too raw and she was afraid that seeing Callie in a social setting so soon might have set her off. Callie had accepted that at the time, but she’d also encouraged Arizona to take Teddy out on her own, so far to no avail.

“Invite her.” Callie said, in a tone that brooked no argument. “Tell her she can get drunk, create a huge scene and sleep it off on our sof – our extremely comfortable floor. It’ll be just like Christmas Eve back in Miami with my Great Uncle Jorge.”

“Yeah, because that sounds like so much more fun than working,” Arizona replied under her breath.

“It’s going to suck for her regardless,” Callie replied. “But at least she won’t be alone.”

“Did it ever occur to you that maybe alone’s better?” Arizona asked even as she already knew the answer to that one.

“No. Talk to her.”

Arizona sighed, “You’re not going to let this go are you?”

“Nope,” Callie said, completely unrepentant.

“Fine,” Arizona said. Callie saw the pout start to take hold and swept in for an encouraging kiss before it could completely manifest.

“Thank you,” Callie said softly. Arizona stepped forward to deepen the kiss but Callie stepped back.

Arizona frowned, “That’s all I get?”

“Consider it a down payment,” Callie deadpanned, pleased with herself even as Arizona smacked her ass in retaliation.

“Hey!”

“You’re mulling the wine now,” Arizona said firmly, stepping around her wife and out of the kitchen.

“Was there ever any doubt?” Callie asked even as she reached for the spices.

-------

The next morning Arizona, and Callie with Sofia in tow, waited for the hospital’s elevator to take Sofia to daycare. As it opened a preoccupied Teddy hurried out and smacked straight into Callie.

“Hey, sorry about that,” Teddy said glancing up in surprise as she bounced off of Callie.

“No worries,” Callie replied, holding Sofia tightly. She stepped around Teddy and into the vacant elevator. “I’ll just take Sofia to daycare,” Callie continued with a pointed look at her wife.

Arizona knew she was stuck, and let the doors close without her, “Hey Teddy, got a moment?”

“Actually, I’m on my way to a consult in the ER,” Teddy replied distractedly, her face buried in her hospital iPAD, already walking in that direction. Momentarily flummoxed, Arizona paused before doing a quick step to catch up.

“I’ll walk with you then, this’ll only take a minute.”

Arizona fell into step next to Teddy and wracked her brain for something to say. She decided to just cut to the chase.

“I’m a really crappy friend,” Arizona began.

“What?” Teddy asked, finally glancing up from her iPad.

“I’ve been avoiding you – oh, not you you, I know we see each other practically every day, but well, Callie called me out on it last night and she’s kinda right.”

“It’s okay, Arizona, I realize I’m not exactly the life of the party lately,” Teddy said.

“It’s not that. I mean, I know you’re working every shift you possibly can, and you’ve been sleeping in the Attendings’ Lounge and the last thing in the world you want to do is stop for even a second because if you stop or sleep without exhaustion forcing you to do so you’re going to think about the fact that it’s Christmas time and that just really completely sucks at the moment. If I could I’d wave a magic wand for you and make it January 10th, you know after all of the hangovers and bowl games have finally ended and most reasonable people have thrown away their exceedingly dead Christmas trees, but since I can’t I thought I’d try to help by ignoring…”

“The dead elephant in the room?” Teddy asked with a raised brow and not a tear in sight.

“Yeah,” Arizona replied softly. She sucked at this, she knew that, and she really really wanted to run away or talk about patients or something silly and keep ignoring the horrible dead elephant because if she could do that, it meant that she could also continue ignoring the fact that looking at Teddy was like looking at the Ghost of Christmas future had she not gotten her very own miracle.

“I don’t like to think about what my life would be like if Callie hadn’t survived. It’s…terrifying. But I think, I think working 24/7 makes complete and total sense to me.”

“Everyone wants me to stop, but if I stop…”

“You think.”

“Yeah.”

“So, Callie wants me to invite you to our Christmas Eve party, but I bet you’re…”

“Working. Definitely working. Both days, 48 hours if I can swing a great big pile up.”

Arizona nodded. She understood. To the point that the thought of everything that Teddy was burying beneath the work made her slightly nauseous. And while she did get it, she also got that there would be a breaking point at some point. It was inevitable.

“Listen, I don’t know how late this thing is going to go. Knowing Callie probably pretty late, but if that pile up doesn’t manifest you should come over whenever. And if you need a place to crash, or a shoulder to cry on, or a baby to snuggle, we’ve got all three.”

“Thanks, but I’m…”

“Working, I know. And I’ll let you get back to it,” Arizona said starting to back away from Teddy and towards the elevator, “But Teddy, when you’re ready to stop working, I’m here okay? And so’s Callie. Even if you want to yell at her some more, she’s…she’s really good at this type of thing, okay?”

“Okay,” Teddy said. Which might as well have been code for, ‘when hell freezes over.’

“I’m not going to stop bugging you about this,” Arizona said.

“I never thought otherwise,” Teddy replied to herself as Arizona disappeared behind the doors of the elevator.

___

December 13

Arizona sat in the lone chair that graced their living room, feet propped on the ottoman, computer on her lap, engrossed in picking another Christmas gift for her wife. She’d already bought Callie’s main gift, a beautiful emerald necklace that Arizona’s favorite jeweler had come across on a recent buying trip. Now she was admiring the numerous assorted bra and panty sets from La Perla and finding it difficult to choose just one. She’d narrowed it down to the Brunello underwire in blue/black, and the Toscana set in red.

The sound of a loud curse from the hall caused her to slam her laptop closed even as she jumped up to investigate.

Opening the door into the hall she caught sight of her wife attempting to wrestle an incredibly large, and obviously heavy box out of the elevator and into the hallway.

“Callie, what in the world is that thing?”

“It’s a grill with a roasting spit.” Arizona raised a skeptical brow as she wondered just where exactly in their apartment Callie expected to put such a thing, let alone use it.

“What size turkey are you planning again?” She asked.

“It’s not for a turkey. It’s for the pig,” Callie replied, grunting as she finally managed to get the damn thing out of the elevator.

“The pig? You mean a ham, right?”

“Nope. I mean a pig,” Callie said as if roasting an entire pig was the most natural thing in the world.

Arizona reluctantly joined Callie in the hallway to help push the box towards their apartment.

“Where exactly does one get a whole pig?” Arizona asked with a grunt as the box moved a few more feet. “And, why?”

“It’s for our Christmas Eve Party. We talked about it.” Callie said.

Together, the two of them managed to finally maneuver the box, with said pig spit, over the threshold and into their apartment.

Arizona frowned as she straightened, “You know, I think I’d have remembered a pig spit with a giant roasting pig.”

“It’s tradition,” Callie said even as she pushed the thing away from the door to take up its spot next to Rudolph. Removing her coat she frowned and then hung it off of Rudolph’s antler.

“Where are we having this party exactly?” Arizona asked, still fixated on the concept of roasting an entire pig. “Cause I don’t think pig roasting falls under the terms of our lease.”

“On the roof,” Callie replied immediately. “I’ve already talked to the landlord,” Callie replied. Spotting the recently vacated chair, Callie collapsed into it and took a long drink of Arizona’s white wine before grimacing and putting it back.

“Of course,” Arizona said from the kitchen where she was already pouring Callie a glass of red and grabbing her bottle of white to top off as she joined her wife in their chair.

Callie gratefully took her glass of wine and wrapped her other arm around Arizona’s waist, kissing her neck.

“Hey, did you talk to Teddy?”

“I did. She’s not coming.”

“Arizona…”

“No. Trust me on this. She’s going to work and she’s going to try her best to forget that it’s a holiday – and that’s okay.”

“She needs…”

“She needs for Henry to be alive. But he isn’t. And there’s nothing we can do but remind her of what she doesn’t have. Believe me. I get it.”

Callie gave her wife a comforting squeeze. They didn’t talk about the accident. For Callie it was all fairly surreal. She only remembered pieces of the accident itself and the first few weeks of her recovery had been tempered by large doses of morphine coupled with maternal hormones that had focused all of her attention on Sofia. In some ways she now realized, she’d had it easier. She couldn’t even grasp how she’d have survived had their positions been reversed.

“I love you,” Callie said.

“Me too,” Arizona replied simply giving Callie a warm kiss on the cheek and snuggling in further.

“I’m still planning on roasting a pig.”

“I know.”

----

#calzona #jessica+capshaw #sara+ramirez #grey's anatomy

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nataliecarsonsuniverse · 4 years ago

Text

Say You Will Remember Me (Part 3)

(Part 1), (Part 2)

Summary: 2016: Spencer has just gotten married to (Y/n), the girl of his dreams. The two navigate their new life together as they work through his demanding job and a stalker that just won't leave them alone.

2018: Wendy and Peter have been hiding out in Maine for nearly a year now from Wendy's abusive ex. The two are just starting to settle into the new lives that they hope to spend with each other.

2020: After two years of searching for his missing wife, (Y/n) and Spencer are brought back together again. However, things take a turn for the worse as Spencer realizes that she is no longer the same girl he married.

January 2016

Washington D.C.

“Any big plans for the weekend?” Morgan asked Spencer as they both headed outside. Spencer pulled his coat tighter around himself preparing for the snow that he had seen falling from the seventh-floor windows. He was kind of jealous right now of (Y/n) who was currently out in Georgia with some of her college friends. She picked the right week he thought to himself. “Not really,” Spencer responded. “I’ll probably just sit at home and read.”

“You should come out with us tonight!” Penelope whined as they all got on the elevator together. “We were going to go to this bar that just opened later tonight.”

“I’m okay,” Spencer said. “It’s not really my kind of scene.”

“Which is exactly why you should go,” Penelope replied. “It’s good to get out of your comfort zone. “

“Exactly.” Derek continued. “If I remember correctly the last time you drug your feet about going to a bar with us was when you met the lovely Mrs.Reid so maybe that should be a lesson for you.”

“What time are you going?” He asked.

“Eleven,” Morgan responded. Spencer glanced down at his watch. It was currently eight so that meant that he had at least two hours to go home and read. He could make it through quite a few books in that time. Plus there was the fact that he was kind of dreading having to spend the night alone in their apartment. He wasn’t really sure how (Y/n) did it when he was gone all the time.

“Fine I will go but I can’t promise that I will stay out that late,” Spencer said as the elevator dinged and the three of them got off and headed towards their cars.

“I’ll text you an address,” Garcia said before getting in her car. Spencer then got into the driver's seat starting the engine shivering until the heat finally kicked in. He then pulled out his phone and sent a short text to (Y/n) letting her know that he was heading home and that he was going to go to the bar later tonight. They exchanged a few messages about the case but he knew that she was too busy hanging out with her friends to be bogged down with the gruesome murder details.

Their house was cold without her. Both literally and metaphorically. She always cranked the temperature up quite a few degrees than he preferred it but without her here it just seemed so void of life. Which he found quite funny considering that he used to live here just fine before her. Strange how quickly the mind and body adjust to living with someone. It never used to bother him to sleep in an empty bed, in fact, it used to bother him to have to share a bed with someone. But now waking up to cold sheets was the worst feeling in the world. The number of times that he has reached across hotel sheets hoping to find her and pull her close is an insufferable number.

He threw his bag on the hook by the door before toeing off his shoes and taking off his tie. He then headed into the bedroom opting for something more comfortable to wear tonight. It wasn’t until he came back outside that he noticed the white envelope that had been slid under the door. He picked it up noting his name on it. He then carried it into the kitchen where he poured himself some coffee before getting comfortable on the couch next to the six books he planned to finish before he was due to head to the bar.

Spencer set the coffee down on the coffee table before opening the white envelope. He pulled out the contents which were two photographs and neatly typed letters. He examined the photographs the first was of him and (Y/n) at the Pentagon metro stop. The two of them were standing off to the side, his back to a pole and her standing on her tiptoes, the picture made it appear that they were kissing when they were in fact not. His hands were tightly around her waist and he could almost still smell the alcohol on her breath as she slurred her words together that night.

She had been trying and failing to make out with him right there in the metro stop. She knew that he wasn’t a big fan of PDA, the problem was that she was a huge fan of it. Whenever she got drunk, she got very handsy. It was usually adorable when they were at home but when they were out in public he didn’t overly like the way she would run her hands up and down his chest seductively like she was in this photo.

The next photo was of just him. It was of him leaving court one day after testifying against an unsub. It took him a moment to place what the exact cause had been staring at his outfit trying desperately to recall what case he had chosen that tie for. He chewed on the inside of his lip before it came to him. The Evan White case. He was a kid out of Nebraska with a hero complex who was going around killing men who had cases of abuse filed against them. It was a hard case. It was their job to stop the murderer but when the murderer was killing other pieces of shit it was hard sometimes to try and not justify letting them walk.

Spencer sat the two photos down on his coffee table before pulling out the note. It was one piece of paper with just two sentences typed on it. “I am watching you. I know what you did.” Spencer read the words over and over again trying to make sense of them. He set the paper down on his coffee table alongside the pictures as he realized that his Friday night just got a whole lot stranger. Now instead of having fun casual drinks, they were going to have to talk about a potential stalker. Just great. He thought to himself. And now he wasn’t going to be able to read his books either because his brain was currently far too busy trying to figure out who on Earth could be holding some kind of grudge against him to do this.

The profiler side of him tried to make sense of the two pictures. They were so different. What could these two possibly have in common? One was just of him exiting court and the other of him with his wife. Maybe this unsub was upset that he testified against Evan but if that were the case why drag (Y/n) into it? Was it just to scare him and show him that he was following him? Spencer rubbed his temple. He then pushed all of the contents back into the envelope checking the time before deciding that he could just head to the bar now. He took the envelope with him back out to his car before heading out to the bar. Maybe his team would be able to .

Atlanta, Georgia

“So (Y/n),” Grace asked as Louise made her way back to the table carrying the four beers. (Y/n) grabbed hers as did Grace and Megan when Louise set them down. “Are you still liking D.C.?”

“Very much so.” (Y/n) responded smiling. “You know I never really thought that I would leave Georgia but I love D.C. It’s such a great city.”

“I can’t believe you thought that you’d never leave Georgia,” Louise said. “I could not wait to get the fuck out of here. Although I don’t know how you stand living in the city. I honestly can’t stand going to Baltimore propper.”

“How far are you guys from each other?” Megan asked.

“Thirty miles,” Louise responded.

“That’s crazy,” Grace said. “Like I can’t believe that you both got jobs thirty miles from each other.”

“I’m so glad that it worked out that way though.” (Y/n) said. “It would’ve been so scary moving up here alone.” Next to her Louis nodded her head to agree. “But I mean you guys aren’t too far from each other. You always post together on Instagram.”

“So do you and Louise!” Megan countered.

“Well then maybe we should just take a bunch of pictures tonight girls!” Grace shouted and they all burst out laughing as Grace pulled out her phone to snap more pictures. There was no telling how many pictures she already had.

(Y/n) took another drink of her beer listening as the girls talked about their careers and lives. It was amazing how much each of them had done with their degree, sometimes (Y/n) kind of felt like she hadn’t really lived up to her full potential when she heard about what her friends were doing. Louise was a juvenile corrections worker in Baltimore. Grace had gotten on with the University of Georgia after graduation citing that she just wasn’t ready to leave yet. So she got involved in undergraduate admissions. And then there was Megan who traveled all across the world teaching abroad. Compared to them, (Y/n) felt like she hadn’t really accomplished all that much considering she was just a fourth-grade teacher. But she was happy with her choices and her job and that’s all that really mattered.

“So (Y/n).” Megan started snapping (Y/n) out of her trance. “How is Mr.Reid?”

“It’s Dr.” Louise snaps and both (Y/n) and Lousie then burst out laughing.

“I can’t believe you’re actually getting married,” Grace said once the laugher had died down. “Let me see that ring again!” she demanded as (Y/n) held out her hand for Grace and Megan to both look at the ring. “It’s so pretty (Y/n),” Grace said. “I’m so happy for you.”

“Thank you.” (Y/n) said smiling as she remembered the way that he just so casually asked her to marry him while cooking for her. It was simple but so him and she absolutely loved it. It was the kind of story that no one would be jealous about when they first hear it but then they would sit and think about it and the longer they would think about it the cuter it would get. Which she actually felt described Spencer to T.

“So when is the date?”

“June 10th” (Y/n) responded. “It feels so far away.”

“It will be here before you know it,” Megan responded. “And do you know where you are going for the honeymoon?”

“I think we are just going to go out to Montana.”

“Montana? What the fuck?” Grace asked.

“No you should see this place Grace,” Louise responded. “I mean it’s fucking gorgeous. So romantic. It’s like this massive lodge out by the national park. Stunning. Absolutely breathtaking. I could not believe it when she showed me the pictures.” (Y/n) nodded as she pictured the beautiful resort she and Spencer had found online.

“Okay, but can I ask the question that all of us are thinking but no one is going to ask?” Megan asked looking at the three girls who just nodded their approval. (Y/n) grabbed her beer, taking a drink curious as to what Meg was about to ask. “At this wedding, will there be any like cute single FBI agents there that we can also snag? Because it’s not fair that you get the whole package in one. I mean not only is a genius but he is so fucking hot and he’s a lot of people’s hero.” (Y/n) smiled at that, Meg was right, despite what Spencer would say if he were sitting here, he was a lot of people’s hero. The amount of good he has put into the world never ceases to amaze (Y/n).

“Thank you,” Lousie shouted in (Y/n)’s ear. “You should see his best friend. Holy mama! Anytime (Y/n) invites me out with her and Spencer the first question I ask is, ‘is Derek going to be there.”

(Y/n) laughed, she was not exaggerating when she said she asked that every time. It was like clockwork. “Okay, I have to see a picture of this guy,” Grace said.

“No way,” Louise said. “If you do you’ll just want to snatch him up for yourself.”

“Louise, we live nearly 700 miles away. It’s not really that big of an issue.” Megan said as (Y/n) pulled out her phone scrolling through pictures until she found one. She handed the phone to the two girls across the booth pointing out which one was Morgan.

“Okay, I lied,” Meg said. “I am packing up my bags and moving to D.C. tonight.”

Lousie slaps the table before yelling “I swear to God Megan.”

“Wait,” Grace said zooming in. “I’m more interested in this one, what’s her deal?” Grace turned the phone around where she had zoomed in on Emily.

“That’s Emily.” (Y/n) said. “She’s really nice and I don’t think that she’s seeing anyone.”

“Ooh,” Lousie said. “See (Y/n). Imagine how happy we could all be, marrying FBI agents living in D.C. together.” She sand with her hand pressed over her heart.

“I need another drink.” (Y/n) said as all the girls began laughing and (Y/n) pulled herself out of the booth. “Anyone wants anything.” Each girl rattled off a drink order before (Y/n) headed back up to the bar. She took a seat at one of the empty stools while signaling over the bartender. While sitting there she could feel a man’s eyes on her and while she tried to ignore it the best she could eventually she glanced over and made eye contact with him.

The man immediately looked down studying his drink as if it held the answer to every unsolved mystery in the world. (Y/n) watched him for a second. “Hi.” She said, maybe it was the alcohol but something about this man seemed familiar. “Do I know you?” She asked and when he looked up she placed him immediately. “Timothy’s dad right?” She asked and the man broke out into a huge smile. (Y/n) laughed, crossing her arms over her chest. “What a small world.” She said before she scooted down to be seated next to the man.

“It’s Ms.Watson right? Fourth grade?” He asked and (Y/n) nodded. “That was a rough year for Tim.” He said after a moment and (Y/n) only nodded remembering very vividly how rough of a year that was. The man in front of her whose name she was completely blanking on for some reason had been in her classroom quite a few times for disciplinary actions being taken against Tim.

“How have you been?” (Y/n) asked.

“Pretty good all things considered. What brings you down to Georgia?” He asked her and (Y/n) noded it was a fair question.

“I’m from here. Went to school over at UGA. I’m just here catching up with some friends. What about you? Do you still live in D.C.?”

“I do.” He said. “My ex’s parents live here, we are doing Christmas this week since things were a little hectic for us this past month or so.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m glad that you’re getting to celebrate though.” (Y/n) said as she glanced back to the table where her friends were very loudly laughing while patiently waiting on the drinks that she was supposed to bring them. “I should probably get back to my table. But it was so nice running into you.” (Y/n) said as she started to stand up but Tim’s dad grabbed her wrist lightly.

“Do you think it would be possible for us to perhaps exchange phone numbers and meet up in D.C.?” He asked. “I just would really like someone to talk to. It’s been a rough year, Aimee left me and she ended up winning the custody battle for Tim.”

(Y/n) opened her mouth once glancing back at the table. Louise motioned for her to come back to them. (Y/n) then turned her attention back to the man with a polite smile. “Sure.” She said grabbing a napkin and scribbling her phone number down on it. “Can you remind me of your name just one more time?” She asked. “I swear if I was sober I would know it.” She lied to make it seem less rude.

“It’s Peter.” He responded as he took the napkin. “And it was so nice seeing you again (Y/n).” (Y/n) returned his smile before grabbing the drink and heading back to her friends.

“Everything okay?” Grace asked.

“Yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t it be?” (Y/n) responded as she passed out the drinks and the girls quickly fell back into the natural rhythm of conversation they had before.

Washington D.C.

Spencer sat down at the table with the rest of the team when he pulled out the envelope. They had all agreed to take a look at it when he mentioned that he had received a note from what he thinks might be a stalker. A threat to one person on the team was a threat to everyone.

“Okay.” Emily started. “Can you think of anyone that you might have pissed off? Or what you think the note is implying that you did?”

Spencer shook his head. He had been thinking of that ever since he had opened the envelope. The best thing he could come up with was that someone was mad that he had testified against Evan but that still didn’t explain the picture of him and (Y/n) which was also what was stumping the rest of the team.

“What if this has nothing to do with the picture itself and it is more just a gesture?” JJ asked. “I mean maybe he’s just trying to show that he has been following you and knows your schedule.”

“Maybe.” Morgan agreed. “But this is a pretty close up picture.” He said looking back at the two photos in front of them. “Actually they are both really close up. And they are very clear which implies that they were not taken with a phone.”

“So the unsub would have either had to use a camera with a nice zoom lens or he was close enough to you that he didn’t need to zoom at all,” Aaron said. “He could’ve used a lens at the White trial, with all the media he wouldn’t have stood out. If it were just the one photo I would say that we need to be looking at the media, but there is no way that he would’ve been able to use a lens down in the metro station, someone would’ve seen him.”

“It’s the note that concerns me,” Rossi said as JJ and Morgan nodded to agree. “‘I know what you did’? You can’t think of anything that you might have done?” Rossi asked.

“No,” Reid said. “I can’t think of anything. I haven’t done anything outside of my normal routine.”

“Well he doesn't seem to be threatening you,” Hotch said, examining the note one more time. “And this slipped under your door when he knew that you would be gone, which implies that he had no intention of ever coming face to face with you.”

“What are you thinking then?” Rossi asked. “Because I’m thinking that it’s someone who was mad that we got involved and got Evan White sent to jail. I mean we all saw the way that town paraded him as a hero.”

“I agree,” JJ said. “He could have chosen any court case and he chose this one. And he chose to leave the note for you just one week after the trial. He chose that trial for a very specific reason.”

“So what do I do?” Spencer asked. “Just let it go for now?”

The team was silent for a moment, none of them wanting to say what they were all thinking. “I think that we keep a close eye on this,” Hotch said. “I don’t think that he’s going to escalate to violence if anything he’s just going to watch you from afar. I think the best thing you can do is be very aware of your surroundings, anyone who is taking pictures, or who you see at more than one place.”

“I can do that,” Spencer said, feeling slightly better. He could keep track of who he has seen in multiple places that would be easy. And while it slightly concerned him that they were not taking immediate action he also understood that from a profiling standpoint it did not seem like this unsub was going to rise to violence. Like Hotch said it seemed far more likely that he was just going to watch from a distance until he gets bored and then he’ll go find the next person to harass. “Thank you, guys,” Spencer said, slipping the envelope back into his bag for safekeeping.

2018 October

Bar Harbor, Maine

“Wendy!” Peter shouted standing in their living room. “Get out of bed sleepy head. I’ve got a surprise for you.” He heard Wendy shout something although he wasn’t able to catch what before he heard her moving in the bedroom. A few moments later she came out with her robe wrapped tightly around her.

“Another surprise?” Wendy asked.

“Uh-huh,” Peter said, taking her hand in his and leading her out to the driveway. Cherry followed the two of them, staying as close to Wendy as she could. The dog liked Peter just fine but she really loved Wendy. “Okay now cover your eyes,” Peter instructed as they made it to the front door.

“No Peter.” Wendy protested but one look at Peter and she moved her hands over her eyes.

“Ready?” Peter asked and Wendy nodded her eyes still covered. Peter then opened the front door and instructed Wendy to uncover her eyes.

What she saw shocked her to the core. There in their driveway was a brand new convertible Fiat. “Oh my gosh. No fucking way.” Wendy yelled at him before throwing her arms around her neck. “Am I dreaming.”

“You are not,” Peter said before handing her the keys. She excitedly ran over to the bright red car climbing into the driver seat and starting the engine.

“Oh my gosh, Peter,” Wendy said. “First Cherry and now this? My mind is moving a mile an hour.”

“That fast?” Peter asked and the two of them burst out laughing. It was nice to have someone who understood her jokes.

Wendy ran her hands over the steering wheel playing with the radio and she inhaled the smell of the new car. But then she remembered the conversation she had not too long ago about how she couldn't have a job due to not having a social security number. “Wait.” She asked. “I thought you said that I wouldn’t be able to drive anywhere since I didn’t have a car.”

“Yes, I did.” Peter responded “and while it still makes me nervous I might have found a loophole” Wendy looked at him willing him to continue. “Fake IDs are a lot different than they were when you and I were in college.” He said. “Now you can get a fake ID with your name and your picture on it. And these are actually able to be swiped which means that if a police officer pulls you over this is going to actually pull you up in his database as Wendy Arnett.” He said reaching into his pocket to pull out an id which he handed to her.

She took the card and examined it closely, holding it up to the sunlight. It looked just like a real driver’s license, the quality was impressive. Even her picture looked like an actual DMV photo. She studied her face closely in it, her first thought when she saw it was that the girl in the photo was not her but then she looked into the review mirror of the car and was reminded for the hundredth time that that was what she looked like now.

“That being said.” Peter continued. “I would really appreciate it if you were to follow the law to a T because while it should work I would prefer to not change it” Wendy nodded in agreement. The last thing she wanted was to be pulled over, she didn’t want to have to deal with that kind of stress.

“So does this mean that I can go anywhere I want.”

“Within reason,” Peter responded. “If you want to go get changed though we could use a grocery run and I’ll let you go all by yourself. That is assuming you still know how to drive.”

Wendy laughed getting out of the car and shoving him playfully. “Of course I still know how to drive. It hasn’t been that long.”

“I know,” Peter responded. “I was just teasing.” he finished as Wendy hurried into the house to get ready as fast as she could. Twenty minutes later and she was kissing Peter at the front door shopping list in hand.

Once outside she went back to the car starting up the engine, her heart racing at the mere sound. She then clicked a few buttons and watched in awe as the top rolled back on the car. Sure it was going to be a little cold with the top down but there was no way in hell she was going to drive all the way to the grocery store with it up. The fresh air would feel amazing she could already tell.

After plugging in her phone and getting a playlist set she put the car in reverse and backed out the driveway waving at Peter from the window as she went. When she pulled onto the main road she was extra careful to follow all the speed limits and make full stops at each stop sign. It was strange being behind the wheel again she was sad to admit. The feeling of having complete control again was almost intoxicating.

When she pulled onto the ramp to merge on the highway she couldn’t help but floor it. The feeling of the little car accelerating down the ramp was exhilarating. She threw her arm out the window as she cranked the radio up belting out the song lyrics.

When she came up to her exit she was almost sad to be getting off the highway. A voice in the back of her brain told her that she could go a few more exits if she wanted to and then just backtrack to the grocery store but she ultimately decided against it as Peter would be furious if he found out and she did not want to test him on this. This was the first step towards having more freedom and if she pushed him too far he could very easily take it all back.

Wendy pulled the car into the parking lot before raising the top. It was grey outside and looked like it would rain at any moment but then again that was just Maine in October. She got out of the car grabbing her purse as she did before locking the door.

The grocery store here was almost right on the water, like almost everything else in this town, she could actually hear the waves crashing against the rocky shore as she made her way inside. It was a nice sound, one that she found comforting on her bad days. When she was struggling with everything she would just go outside and watch the waves violently crash ashore and it somehow made her calmer to know that even the waves sometimes needed to release their energy.

Inside the grocery store, Wendy grabbed a cart pulling out both her phone and her grocery lists. She sent a quick message to Peter letting him know that she made it safely to the store and that she would let him know when she was leaving as well.

She pushed her cart down the aisle grabbing various items off the shelf. It was so nice to be here alone and feel completely fine. It was amazing to hear how quickly she fell back into old patterns. She largely had Peter to thank for that. He was the one that rescued her, which saved her from an awful situation. If it wasn’t for him she would probably be dead buried in a very deep grave where no one would ever be able to find her. She shuddered at the thought as she grabbed the milk and eggs.

As she wandered down the aisle by aisle Wendy couldn’t help but throw a few things into the cart that weren’t on her list. She grabbed a thing of Oreos and sour patch kids. Peter wouldn't mind if she told herself and even if he said anything she would say that she was treating herself for making such great progress. As she looked at all the cookie options she decided that maybe she would get cookie dough and make cookies for the two of them.

Wendy was standing in the cookie dough aisle when it happened. She heard his voice before she saw his face and his voice alone made her stop dead in her tracks dropping the thing of cookie dough that was in her hands. Looking around hoping no one saw her she quickly picked the cookie dough up throwing it in her cart and heading up to the front of the store wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. Unfortunately for her, the front of the store was where her terror was coming from she realized as she rounded the corner to see the large television streaming his face.

Everyone in the store seemed to be gathered watching the screen before them. Wendy froze like a deer in headlights unable to look away no matter how much her brain screamed at her too. She watched in horror as Spencer strolled across the stage taking his place at the podium. He was wearing navy pants and a nice dress shirt with a tie that she had bought him. A tie that she remembered all too well, her wrist burning as if it was still wrapped around her.

“Thank you.” He said weakly before looking into the camera. “My name is um Spencer Reid.” He said stuttering looking over to someone off-camera. He then took a deep breath almost as if to compose himself before continuing to speak. “My name is Spencer Reid.” He started again and Wendy’s hands began to shake uncontrollably. “And I’m standing here today because 13 months ago my wife, (Y/n) Reid disappeared from our home. The FBI is asking anyone who has any information on her whereabouts to please contact the number on the bottom of their screen. She was taken from the Washington D.C. area but we no longer believe her to be in this area. Please if you are out there and you know something please call.” He begged, reaching up to wipe his face.

“You think he did it?” One of the customers asked out loud to everyone who was standing around watching. “I mean that girl has to be dead. 13 months is a long time.”

“I read online that he’s already done time in federal prison for murder. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he killed her. She’s a cute little thing, probably had some side boy and when he found out he killed her. And lord knows that he would know how to get away with it.” The cashier said as people in the room kind of nodded to agree.

Wendy ignored them, gripping her shopping cart with everything she had. She started to turn to walk away when he pulled her right back in. “(Y/n).” He said his voice barely above a whisper. He sounded so broken that it almost made her tear up a little bit too. “If you are out there and if you are hearing this then please just come home. And if you can’t then hang tight, I will find you. I swear to God I will find you. I don’t care if it’s tomorrow or fifteen years from now, I will never stop looking for you. If you are the person who has and you’re listening to this, please let her go.” He begged. “I love her so much and I just” he choked on her words sobbing through his shoulders. “I just want her back. Please. ” He finished as best he could. Wendy watched as Derek entered the screen to grab a hold of Reid and help him off-camera where he could fall apart without the public eye on him.

Feeling sick to her stomach, Wendy bolted out the door as quickly as she could without looking suspicious. As she was heading out she heard the customers of the store debate whether or not she was still alive but she paid no mind to them as she ran to her car getting in the driver's seat and locking the door as she sobbed out loud.

The familiar panic feeling started weighing down on her chest as she felt the car start to spin. She tried to steady her breathing but no matter how hard she couldn’t. All she could hear was Reid saying over and over again that he was going to find her. She tried to breathe but no matter how much her lungs took in it still wasn’t enough. Recognizing what was happening to her, she reached for her phone and immediately dialed Peter.

“Wendy?” he asked as he picked up on the first ring. She tried to say something but couldn’t get any words to come out of her mouth. “What’s wrong Wendy?” He asked as she just gasped into the phone over and over again trying and failing to breathe. “Alright,” he said to her. “Hang on I will be there as soon as possible baby” Wendy nodded. “Can you stay on the phone with me?”

Wendy continued to just sob into her phone her breathing growing more and more uneven. “Wendy, I want you to close your eyes,” he said and she did as she was told. “Alright, can you run your hands down your sweater and tell me what you feel?” Wendy did what she was asked feeling the soft material under her fingers.

“Soft” she gasped out.

“Good.” He said to her. “Keep doing that for me okay? Keep focusing on that.” She nodded to herself as she continued to rub her hands down her sweater. She slowly opened her eyes and locked her eyes on the small pink bag that was on in her passenger seat. She focused on the bag and the sweater and only those two things before she let the rest fade away.

Slowly on instinct, she raised her pointer finger and pinky up to her nose holding one nostril and breathing in before doing the same to the other. While doing that she was able to slow down her breathing enough that she was no longer hyperventilating. “Wendy?” Peter asked. “I’m almost there, how are you doing?”

She continued to focus on her breathing before she answered. “Better.” She whispered. “Please hurry.” It was only a few more minutes after that before his SUV pulled out into the spot next to her. Within an instant, he was out of the car and throwing open her driver's door to scoop her up in his arms.

“You’re okay” he whispered. “I’ve got you.” She nodded against him, grabbing fistfuls of his sweatshirt.

“I’m sorry” she replied after her breathing had slowed and she trusted her voice enough to speak.

“It was that interview wasn’t it?” He asked and her breath hitched even thinking about it. “I knew as soon as I saw that fucker's face on tv that you were going to panic.” She nodded into him refusing to let go and refusing to pull her face away. “Alright.” He said after a moment. “Let’s get you home”

She nodded into him as he pulled away, she tried to reach back out to him but he had already turned away heading back to the SUV. She made sure her car was locked before she got into the passenger seat of the SUV. She leaned back into the seat closing her eyes as he drove her home. He told her that tomorrow when she was feeling better they could come up here and do the grocery shopping together and then she can drive her car back to the house. She nodded again trying to not think about whether or not she just screwed up her one shot at more freedom.

It wasn’t until much later that night when she laid in bed next to a sleeping Peter that she allowed her mind to travel to the one place that she had been avoiding for the past year. She thought about Spencer and the way that he sobbed on live television while he begged for her to come home. The version of the man she saw on tv was a skeleton of a man, he looked like someone who had lost everything, and yet he was still fighting. Her mind had a hard time reconciling the fact that this was the same Spencer who used to come home from rough cases after one too many beers and take out his anger in the world on her. The man who stood up on live television begging for his wife’s safe return was not the same man that she left and she didn’t know how to think or feel about that.

----

October 2019

Washington D.C.

(Y/n) sat on her brother’s couch staring at all the framed pictures all over the wall. The house was not at all the same as it was when she had left it two years ago, then ago nothing was the same as when she had left. Sam and Sonya now had a one-year-old daughter named Kara. Three years ago she would’ve been ecstatic for them after they tried for so long, but now she just couldn’t bring herself to care.

She was revolted by the fact that she was back here in D.C. This is not where she belonged anymore. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go back to Maine, to stand on the shore and watch the waves. It was too fucking sunny here, too hot in October. The police told her that she wasn’t allowed to go home because it was a crime scene now. A crime scene. That word echoed around in her head over and over again. Her home was a crime scene. She was a victim. When they had called her that she laughed out loud, the police didn’t seem to find any part of it funny. Then a doctor came in to tell her that she was experiencing Stockholm syndrome, that she didn’t really love Peter, she just thought that she did because he held her captive for two years. Those were the doctor's exact words. Captive.

Then Spencer who was sitting quietly in the back of the room chimed in that Peter was going to go jail for a very long time for what he did. That caused (Y/n) to promptly start screaming that she wanted him out of her room. She didn’t want to see him.

Once he was gone she had tried to explain to the doctors and police the situation she had found herself in but all they gave her with sympathetic looks. She wanted them to help her to arrest Spencer for what he had done, not Peter. They had the wrong guy but no one would listen to her. So when they told her that was being released from the hospital and that she was able to go home with her husband she refused. Luckily her brother was there and offered to take her in, not that it was ideal but it was better than going anywhere with Reid.

Which is exactly how she found herself here, on her brother’s couch at ten pm at night dreading having to go to sleep without Peter. Sam came back into the living room with a cup of tea which he set down in front of her. “I’m glad to have you back (Y/n).” (Y/n) didn’t say anything as she took a sip of her tea, it burnt her tongue but that feeling was better than all the other feelings she was currently having. “He’s worried about you.”

“I don’t care.” She snapped, setting the mug down on the coffee table. “I’m not going to ever go back with him.” She said be careful to avoid using the word home because the home was in Maine.

“(Y/n),” Sam said.

“No,” (Y/n) said. “Don’t. Please don’t do this. You have no idea the horrors that I lived through with him. Peter saved me. Spencer should be behind bars, not Peter.” She shouted and from above she heard the sounds of Kara crying. Sam gave her a look as if to say please keep your voice down but she really didn’t care. “I’m going upstairs,” she said, grabbing her tea and heading up the wood stairs to where the guest bedroom was.

Once inside she closed the door sitting down on the bed staring and the blank walls and her reflection in the mirror. Her hair was still jet black, it made Reid cry when he came into the hospital to see her. He didn’t know that she was awake as she laid extremely still hoping that if he thought she was asleep he wouldn't hurt her. It used to work when they were married. But being not asleep meant that she didn’t miss the conversation he had with a nurse about how her hair got to be that color. The nurse told him that Peter did it which only made him cry harder. It was fucking hair for God’s sake she had thought to herself.

(Y/n) got off the bed and walked over to the vanity table sitting on the little stool. She smiled at her reflection before she tried the frowning. It was then that she realized she no longer recognized herself. There was a permanent sadness behind her eyes that didn’t go away no matter how big she tried to smile. She tried to ignore the overwhelming feeling but eventually, it became too much. So before she could stop herself she raised her hand and smashed the glass watching as it shattered, the pieces being scattered all over the table and the floor. Without being able to see herself she felt calmer as she went back to sit on the bed. She wanted to sleep but knew that it would be a long time before sleep would come back to her. If it ever did that was.

-----

There was a soft knock on the door that interrupted Sam and Sonya’s fight about whether or not it was their responsibility to house (Y/n). Sam excused himself promising Sonya that they could have this conversation in the morning when they were each thinking more clearly. Sam opened the front door to Louise who was standing there with a small smile on her face. “Hey,” he said. “She just went upstairs so I’m not sure that she’s up for talking.” He trailed off when he saw both Reid and Morgan standing behind Louise. “You really shouldn’t be here.” He said to Spencer.

“Sam,” Spencer said. “She’s my wife.”

“Yeah well, she’s also terrified of you.”

“You know that it’s an irrational fear,” Spencer said.

“Well, it’s a fear none the less.” Sam countered, glancing up the stairs. He was worried that if (Y/n) so much as heard his voice it would set her off. He could hear her screaming all the way down the hall when she woke and Spencer was there. It was bad and he didn’t really want to have one of those episodes here tonight.

“Let’s go outback,” he suggested and the three of them nodded walking into the house to go out onto his back deck. Outside they all took seats at his table.

“Is she okay?” Louise asked.

“Physically yes,” Sam responded. “But emotionally? She will probably be in therapy for the rest of her life.”

“This is all my fault,” Spencer said as he put his head in his hands.

“Don’t say that Reid,” Morgan said, reaching over to pat Spencer on the back. “She’s here. She’s alive, that's all that matters.”

“Did she talk at all about what happened?” Louise asked. “About Peter?”

Sam glanced over at Spencer who still had his head down. “She did.” He said slowly watching as Spencer’s head snapped up. “I know that this is difficult to hear.” Sam continued. “But she thinks that she was in love with him. Peter saved her from you.” Sam finished pursing his lips together.

Spencer nodded once. “She thinks that I was abusing her.” he let out a sharp breath at the words, his heart clenching. His wife whom he would’ve done anything to protect thought that he was hurting her. “She freaked out in the hospital when she realized I was in the room.” He said remembering the way that she started thrashing around on the bed when he tried to take her hand and tell her how much he missed her.

“That’s why she refused to go home with you,” Sam said. “She is convinced that you were hitting her.”

“That’s fucking ridiculous.” Louise all but yelled. “I mean you?” She asked Spencer. “You look like you couldn’t hurt an ant. Why does she think that? It’s not like he could alter her memory and she has no memory of you hitting her right?”

Spencer shook his head no, the thought of him raising a hand to her made him want to vomit. “I don’t know.” He responded honestly.

Derek sighed. “I know that it pains you to say that.”

Spencer nodded once. “She obviously refused to tell me anything about what happened. But it’s possible if Peter was somehow able to put the idea in her head when she was at a moment of weakness that her brain would start filling in gaps.”

“What would cause that?” Louise asked. “Like drugs?”

Spencer nodded “Either drugs or extreme torture.”

“God please let it be drugs,” Derek said and they all nodded. Spencer was already shaking at the idea that she might have been tortured into believing that he would hurt her. All he wanted to do was walk into that house and find her, wrap her in his arms and never let go. All he could think about was how he must have really fucked up in a past life for the universe to be this against him. What a cruel twist of fate for his wife to come back to him unharmed only for her to be afraid of him.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #mgg #criminal minds

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tsundozer · 5 years ago

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Prompt #03: Twelveswood Elegy

Exercise: an extensive, meandering monologue, deliberately breaking form an appropriateness. A dialogue that goes on, and on, and often loses it’s way--so the reader, themselves, become lost within it. Express intense emotion through nothing but spoken word, with sufficient weight.

Dearest G’rha,

It is with heavy heart that I reach out to you today to deliver this most unfortunate news: G’ihsa Ohsen passed on the eve of the 10th sun of the 4th Astral moon. She has been burned, and will be returned to the soil beneath the trees, as were her wishes, and as is custom of our people. Pursuant to this, we will be convening to mourn at the sunlit clearing and taking the time to speak of her memory, fondly. Your attendance has been something of a hot topic. While there has been much debate within the community, ultimately as Nunh, the final decision rests upon my shoulders.

You, G’rha, former Tia of the Griffons, second son of G’ihsa Ohsen, have been requested to attend and speak your piece. I understand this request may be presumptuous, even hurtful, for you, for myself. I take no joy in inviting you, and will take less joy in speaking myself.

But Rha.

She was our mother.

And nobody else is going to mourn.

G’ruhn Nunh

“So I had a long time t’think, on my way to these woods. In these woods. There’s an old log, where my lil’ gaggle of fuck-ups used to spend time. Y’know the place. I didn’t really try to find it, I just sorta wound up there. Funny how the wood seems to change, over time. I always thought it was dead. But there I was, unsure where I was, at least, until I found that log.”

Gray flexed his hands twice before wringing them together, as he surveyed the small gathering. Only five, maybe six people besides his brother had come to see their mother returned to the wood. He didn’t recognize either of them. When he looked in his brother’s direction, he couldn’t help but sneer. It didn’t fit the scene (that’s all this was, a scene), wearing that disdain upon his face. But disdain was all he had, wasn’t it? He decided to just talk. Shut everything else away.

“Gray, by the way. G’rha, I guess. If y’all gonna insist. I used to go there a lot, with G’rhun. With G’nerha. WIth a buncha other misfits who ain’t fit in here--an’ I just kept thinking about that. Misfits, we were misfits. I’d jokingly call us the Bastard’s club. On account o’ me an’ G’nerha, I guess. but really. We were all out of sorts, in some way. It’s really fucking sad, to see how many of you here just. Crawled your way back in-- oh, don’t give me that fucking look. Am I bitter, hells, yeah, I’m bitter. I don’t-- I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t know why I’m here. Where even is here? Home? I don’t think so. It weren’t home for mom, either. --Right. Mom.”

Gray gave a long, steady sigh.

“Mom-- G’ihsa Ohsen-- was born sixty-eight turns ago an’ a few moons. She was a miqote, belongin’ to the griffon tribe, daughter of G’ohsen Nunh, the nunh prior. And she died a few moons ago. When I was young, she taught me a song. Magic chords, she said, to chase the nightmares away. She had a way with music, I’ll tell you that. She had a way with her words, too. She loved t’ use ‘em to dig, t’hurt. Not just me, but boy, did she ever have a lot t’say my way. Bastard this, bastard. That. But not just me. No. She turned ‘em in towards herself, too. I’m sure that’s why she asked to be burned. We usually just bury ‘em, yeah? Bury deep under the wood, let ‘em nourish the flowers. I don’t think she wanted that. T’be flowers. I don’t think she wanted to exist at all. Not that she had a godsdamned clue, near the end. I don’t--y’wanna hear a story ‘bout her? Bet y’all don’t. Bet whoever’s here just can’t wait to see us empty out this urn all over the fuckin’ grass, and that’s that. Bet you were hopin’ for a few quick, empty words. Well fuck that. Fuck that.She’s not--she’s not allowed. To go peacefully, into the godsdamned night.--”

Gray felt words catch in his throat for a moment, the world spun and he stumbled, bracing himself against a tree. Another sneer. Did they know he’d been drinking, before this? They probably knew. They could see it on his face. Well, what’d the expect? He was going to do this sober? He spent enough time sober, lately. All of it, even. He was proud of that. But he can’t-- you can’t expect him to come here, and look you all in the eye, with a happy smile and a lucid gleam in my eye.

“What,” he nearabouts growled, “we’re--we’re all gonna wave her off, an’ pretend none of it ever happened? No. Fuck it. Story time. When I was twelve. I had my heart broke, for the first time. I tried talkin’ to G’nerha an’ she called me a runt, and you know what? I was. But I think it went deeper, than that. I don’t have to say it. There was no way in hells, I was ever gonna be the Nunh. Had no right to be, I wasn’t really part of the griffons. So when I went home, an’ I told her. She slapped me. You know--a kid comes in crying, and what, you fucking slap them? And--and do you-- d’you know what she said? Do you know what she fucking. said. to. me? It’s a good thing, Rha, that she didn’t take you seriously. What if she told the nunh? You’d make our lives worse than it already is. You’re a bastard, and that’s all you’re ever gonna be. A bastard. What a. What a loving, fucking mother, huh? Well, she was right. I’m a bastard. Especially tonight. Y’know. Y’know why I don’t wanna let her just, go, like this? Get off free? Because there ain’t nothin’ I can do otherwise! I went to see her, six moons ago. I’m sure y’all remember that on account o’ it not bein’ so pretty. You had her in a lil’ hut. Alone. It smelled like piss an’ her clothes were in tatters and I felt the bile rise in my throat, an’ even as angry as I was I remember myself askin’ but ain’t no-one takin’ care of her? And y’know, I knew the answer to that. Of course not. Because who would ever take care of a monster like her. And I didn’t feel better, about that. I thought I should have, but I didn’t. I didn’t feel sad, either, and maybe that woulda been appropriate too. No. Y’know what I felt? I felt even more pissed that--that. That y’all didn’t take accountability. Because you know what? You’re the monsters that made her. Gods, fuck. Why am I even here? Where--y’know. Like I was sayin’. She didn’t even know me from none of you. Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes, and just thought. They’re gone? There’s nothing there. They’ve checked out, given up, long ago. She spent the whole time babblin’ about Rhun. Of course she’d talk about Rhun. She must have been so proud of him, for makin’ it so far-- you’re doin’ great, brother! Really! Thank you so much for inviting me! -- and y’know what? I came there. I came there, to tell her I fucking hated her. I wanted to tell her how those words sunk into my skull and wrapped around the folds in my brain and how I can’t think of myself as Gray I can only think of myself as The Bastard, and that was her fault. That was her fault. I remembered the time, she told me that I was sick. And she was sick, too. That we were all sick. And I wanted to blame her, for that. I wanted to tell her, I’m poison. I’m poison, you know that? I’m fuckin’ rot, and you put it inside me. You put it inside me an’ I give it to everyone I know. And I couldn’t. I couldn’t, because she wasn’t fucking there. Then she looked at me. Really, looked at me. I thought. And I was ready. I was ready. I woulda taken her wrinkled, decrepit face in my hand and squeezed while I told her. That I hope the rest of her life is a wakin’ nightmare, and that I hoped that without me to blame, she’d realize she were the problem. Always the problem. I was gonna ask her, why she ain’t never loved me. Why she ain’t never cared. Why she’d teach me songs, if she’d only tell me I’d never play them right. Why she’d feed me, if she’d blame me for never having enough. Why she’d raise me, only to remind me, every godsdamned moment. that i was never gonna be enough for her. I was gonna scream. I was gonna rant. I was gonna make her feel every onze of hate she ever gave me tenfold. ...And then it all just. Went away. When she looked at me, she asked me.

Where am I? And then she started to cry. She started to sob. Hysterically, like she ain’t understand none of this and let’s be fair, she didn’t. This wasn’t her home. This wasn’t her young child, Rhun, even if she kept insistin’ I was such. And it was all just. Gone. There was her guitar, in the corner. In a heap of garbage. Out of tune, but whatever. I started t’play. We’re in your tent, I told her. We’re in your tent. And tomorrow, Rhun’s gonna challenge the nunh. Ain’t that swell? He’s gonna give you a better life. The respect you deserve. Ain’t nobody gonna mistreat the mother of the Nunh. There’s a warm fire in the center. The flaps are open to ventilate. I saw her think about it. I saw her smile. Just a bit. I’d never seen her smile before. She asked me where Rha was. I’m right here, I wanted to say. I’m right here, an’ I’ve been here all along, I wanted to. Cry. I wanted to ask her why she’d never seen me, why she’d never see me, why I was just the bastard and not her son. But instead I said, he’s out playin’, with his friends. That’s good, she said. That’s good. She wished he’d come in. He was too content to waste his life away, he should have been learning to hunt already. But if that’s how he was going to have it. I told her, he’ll be back in time for the fight. Y’all are gonna have your favorite meal. This is gonna be a night y’all won’t ever, ever, forget. She asked me if the night were gonna be pretty. If we’d see the stars in the clearin’. Reckon we will, Ma. I still don’t think she knew where she was. I think she was lost. She looked me over one last time, an’ she said, get out. You can stop that racket. My son plays it much better, and he’ll be home soon. I cried. I didn’t know what else to do, but cry. I curled up at her feet and sobbed, while her gaze grew distant and she took to starin’ at the wall, lost in the memory I’d helped put together. And now here I am, again. And I can’t help but thinkin’. When she asked, where she was? I just keep thinkin’ about it and. Maybe she was always lost. It couldn’t have been easy, shoulderin’ the blame of a kid outside the nunh. Not receiving support. From any of you. In raising me. And y’know. I’m lost, too. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what to do. It’s not like any of you ever gave me direction. Why would you? A runt and a bastard, I’d never amount to anything. But even me bein’ born? That was ma lookin’ for somethin’, searchin’ for somethin’ outside of this. That I don’t think she ever found. And y’know. ...Fuck you all. For what you did to her. Because this ain’t about my mom. Not really. It’s about the people who made her the way she was. Because this is on all of you. You’re all responsible. Not just responsible. Culpable. The blame, for people like my mother. Lies on y’all. She didn’t know what to do, she had nothin’, an’ y’all took even that. You left her. IN a fucking room. And y’know. I bet--I bet. Y’all called me here, to hear this. You wanted me. To talk about how awful, she was. How shitty, she was. And y’know what that was my plan too but suddenly I don’t want to. I wanna say how shitty all of you are. And I wanna ask. Where am I? Where was I ever? I don’t know, what I want. I don’t know, where I’m going. I’ve been chasing something all my life. I’ve been trying to fill up holes y’all left in me. Tryin’ to curse the poison, you all. Put in me. So I’ll spread the fuckin’ ashes, myself. And I’ll tell her, I forgive you. And I’m gonna look y’all in the eye.

Each. And every one of you. In the eye. And I wanna ask.

Why didn’t you see me?”

@sea-wolf-coast-to-coast

#FFxivWrite2019 #Professor Gray #dreams of a sleeping lion #yes i know it's called a eulogy #but elegies are songs for the dead #and music is a big deal for gray #and very pertinent RE: his mother

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jacksonxschuester · 5 years ago

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Letting Go || Jackson/Mateo

Date: January 10th, 2020 Location: Mateo’s Suite Tagging: @dommateolopez Summary: While hanging out, Jackson realizes he can no longer deny his feelings for Mateo, and decides to make a clean break before things go any further.

Jackson found himself in Mateo's suite in the afternoon, cuddled up close to the Dom after a long day of classes. He'd already managed to do his homework, with some help from Mateo, so now they were taking advantage of the empty suite to relax. Jackson was feeling quite cozy in this position. With his homework all done his weekend was now clear to do things like catch up on his laundry and do a deep clean on his dishwasher. Which may not sound like fun tasks, but to Jackson, it was something he was looking forward to. "Thanks for your help with my homework, Sir."

Mateo pressed his nose to the top of Jackson's head, enjoying the closeness of the switch. He still relished this - that someone like Jackson, who had been so hurt, trusted him to be this close. He smiled lightly. "You're quite welcome, pajarito. It was my pleasure. And quite selfish as well, considering I get to spend more time having you right here," he teased, running one hand down Jackson's back, subtly urging him closer.

Jackson smiled, his cheeks turning a light pink. He didn't need much further prompting than Mateo's hand to scooch a little closer. He loved being close to the Dom. Cuddles were scientifically proven to alleviate symptoms of depression and anxiety, he remembered reading. Who needs a doctor when you can just cuddle someone? And Jackson didn't like to cuddle just anyone... very few people had the privilege of getting this close to him.

He hummed happily as Jackson moved closer, brushing a kiss to his forehead. The look on his face and the color on his cheeks sent a tremor of delight through him - a look he knew wasn't there often, and a look he knew he could put there. "So any big plans with all your free time now that your homework is all finished?' he asked, slowly rubbing Jackson's back.

"I'm going to do all my laundry, and my dishwasher is due for a deep cleaning." He said. "And then I'll probably spend the rest of my time drawing." Jackson was ashamed to admit he didn't spend anywhere near enough time on his art anymore. "What about you, Sir?"

"If you draw anything you'd like to share, you know I'm always happy to take a look," he said with a smile. "Mm, nothing in particular. I might do some painting. See if Jamie and Nick would like to do a scene together. Other than that... probably just preparing for the trip."

Jackson squashed the tiny feeling of jealousy that bubbled about Jamie and Nick getting to do a scene with Mateo. "Maybe I'll draw something specifically for you." He said. "I've already packed almost everything I need for the trip," he admitted. "So if you need help with yours... let me know?"

The comment made his smile soften, affection clear in the expression. "I would love that, pajarito," he said, lightly touching Jackson's cheek. "I certainly will. Even if not, maybe I'll use the excuse to get you back here," he teased, brushing a gentle kiss to the switch's mouth.

Jackson smiled. He loved that Mateo seemed to find excuses to get him over. He was about to respond, but then Mateo's lips touched his and his mind went blank. He melted against the Dom. This, right here, was absolute bliss. He wanted this moment to last forever.

Mateo smiled against Jackson's mouth. He'd only intended to make it a short kiss, but the way the switch curled into him made it impossible to stop. So he kept stealing soft little kisses, each one growing a little longer every time but still somewhat innocent.

Jackson was quite content to let Mateo continue kissing him. In fact, he wanted Mateo to keep kissing him. There was just something about these kisses that spoke of care and connection and it wasn't just about kissing for the sake of kissing.

It was beginning to be tough to remember that he couldn't properly claim Jackson. Especially in moments like these. It wasn't that Mateo didn't know of Jackson's preferences and desires. He knew he wasn't as into the physical as others. But he felt so incredibly good in his arms, against his body. Carefully, Mateo hugged him closer, their chests pressing together as he deepened the kisses between them.

Jackson felt Mateo pull him closer, the chest to chest contact was almost electric to him. He decided, just for a moment, to pretend like this wasn't a relationship doomed to fail. He imagined a world where a Dom could have three subs, and he imagined himself being Mateo's third. If only it were possible... the kiss deepened and Jackson was basically putty in Mateo's hands. He wanted more... it surprised him a little, but he wanted more. His hands grasped at Mateo's shirt, tightening into fists around the fabric.

He couldn’t help but groan as Jackson tugged his shirt. Every rational thought flew out of his head and every previously locked down desire for the switch in his arms took over. Mateo shifted slightly, urging Jackson into his back as desire coursed through him, kissing him hungrier and hotter.

It was a full minute before Jackson really registered what was happening with the rational side of his brain. It didn't matter how good this made him feel. It didn't matter than Jackson would gladly let this go on and on until they both got what they clearly wanted. What did matter though, was that Jackson could now conclusively say he was in love with Mateo. His body didn't react like this for just anyone. And that alone was a thought that had him pulling back. "Sir... Sir...." He whispered between kisses, and then, "No. Stop. Red." He sat up, gently pushing Mateo off. "I-I... I can't do this..."

It felt so good to express his feelings towards Jackson like this - physically, to show him without a doubt how much he was wanted. And then, the soft protests made him feel like a bucket of cold water was poured over him. Mateo instantly got off of Jackson, pulling his hands away from the switch. “Fuck... I’m sorry, Jackson, I... I’m so sorry,” he said shakily, looking down at his lap.

Jackson felt like a knife had just entered his heart. Mateo was apologizing, for doing something Jackson wanted. He felt awful for calling a stop to it. "No, it's not your fault... its... I'm...." he reminded himself to breathe. "I'd love to be able to continue this, Sir. Believe me. I just... I can't. I know you can't claim me, and I can't live in denial anymore because I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you." The words were out, there was no putting them back. Jackson stood up from the couch, and smoothed out his rumpled clothes. "Figures that I would fall for the one person I can't have." He said, his voice catching. "I'm sorry, Sir. I..." he could honestly feel his own heart breaking. He needed to leave, but it was so hard to pry himself away.

The admission hit him like a ton of ice-cold bricks. Mateo felt like he had the breath knocked out of him, and a startling sense of deja vu washed over him. Once again in love and in a situation where he couldn't make things official. He would never change his claims with Nick and Jamie, but god - why couldn't he have another, when this beautiful boy fit so perfectly into their little family already? "Jackson... please, please don't leave," he said, getting up from the couch and reaching for him. "I know I can't claim you 'cause of this fucking system but that doesn't mean we can't... feel what we feel," he said, almost pleading with the switch not to leave.

Jackson stepped back, he couldn't let himself be tempted by Mateo touching him. He had to make a clean break, but the Dom was making that extremely difficult. "Maybe you can feel what you feel... but I can't be in love with someone I can't have." It was harder to breathe now. "I'm starting to not know how to get through my days without talking to you or seeing you, Sir... and then what happens when you and Jamie graduate and all of you move away? I just... I need to make a clean break now and hope it's not too late for me." He finished in a whisper. And with ten thousand pins in his heart, he turned amd made his way to the door to get his shoes and his backpack.

Helpless. That was how he felt. Helpless, because he couldn't claim Jackson, and yet he was stupid enough to think he could get close to him without hurting him - especially when Jackson had gone through enough hurt in his life already. Mateo pressed his lips together and sank back down on the couch, folding his hands on his lap. He couldn't fault Jackson for doing what he felt he needed to do to protect himself, even if every instinct was screaming at him to gather the boy in his arms and promise him they would find a way to work things out. "I'll always be here when you need me, Jackson. If you need me," he said hoarsely after a few long moments, not even sure if the switch heard him since he couldn't look up from his lap, afraid his emotions would get the better of him.

Jackson almost wished Mateo would get up and pull him back, fight for him, promise him they'd find a way... but he knew it was impossible. Once his shoes were on, and he'd donned his jacket and backpack, the switch looked back towards Mateo and felt his breath catch. That man was the future he wanted, he knew it in his gut. He'd never again find someone else, at least not while he still cared this deeply about Mateo. Leaving was the right thing to do. Save himself the pain of being around someone he had no future with, and save Mateo the pain of watching Jackson become a slave when he inevitably couldn't open his heart to anyone else. He heard Mateo's words and he wanted to reply. He wanted to say something... but he couldn't make his voice work anymore. So he just left, quietly closing the door behind him.

#mateo #para #//good read for a feels trip yo

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grimoiresgirlsrp · 5 years ago

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Welcome, Vera, as the role of Jupiter!

Jupiter is definitely a personal favorite of mine and I love how you’ve managed to bring such delicate but strong-willed traits to your character. She’s immensely complex and intriguing from every aspect of your app! The sheer amount of thought put into Ariadne amazes me. I love the little tidbits you’ve added about her personality, as well--it shows a cool side of your character that most people would never know, but gives them a small peek inside the mind of Ariadne. I can’t wait to see what she brings to Salem and how she will grow with the other characters!

Make sure you give the rules another look, and complete the checklist!

☼ THE WRITER

hello! i’m vera, 24 years old from the est timezone, and i’d say my activity is a 6/7 out of 10! i’m a mommy rper and in another group, but very dedicated to this rp, as it’s my literal brain child and i’ve had this concept for so long!

☼ THE BASICS

skeleton: Jupiter

character name: Ariadne Jiang

Named after the Greek goddess of mazes, labyrinths, and puzzles. Ariadne has a brief tale in the mythos, in which she falls in with Dionysus. Chinese 翔 for Jiang has a translation of good luck, when simply translated, to showcase her river of fortune she’s been granted in life.

age & birthdate: 25, June 10th, 1994

birthplace: Shanghai, China

Though born in Shanghai, her family moved around quite often for travels. Her father is a successful businessman, who built an empire from nothing alongside her late grandfather. It’s a great pressure back home, so Ariadne found a liking to the states quickly, and pursued schooling there primarily after turning 13.

She feels more like New Jersey is her home rather than Shanghai, though she does return several times a year to visit family.

length of time in Salem: 7 months

zodiac sign: Gemini

As a air sign, Ariadne is excellent at thinking quickly. She also carries with her a natural charm, but there is very complex layers under the smooth exterior. With much more ability to think rather than feel, she is adaptive, perceptive, but quite closed off. Forming deep emotional bonds is hard for Ariadne, so she keeps everyone at arms length, though they usually don’t even realize it. Quiet and reserved, Ariadne can weaponize her words, dripping with sweetness, and cut deeper than imaginable. She is pretty self-serving, too, and often will put herself above all else. However, she is obedient and good with limitations, and far from reckless. Everything she does is calculated, which is why the two-faced Gemini signs fits her so well.

It’s important to note that she has a Cancer rising sign, which is interesting as if gives her a much softer, approachable, kinder personality in the beginning.

faceclaim: Natasha Liu Bordizzo

☼ THE CHARACTER

Past: Raised like a dove in a cage, Ariadne felt more doll than she did human. Born to wealthy parents in China, she had a lot of expectation put on her shoulders to perform well and always succeed. When she found a talent on piano, her family encouraged her to pursue her dreams, as long as she also followed their carefully set plan. Between private education in the states, traveling with an orchestra around Europe, and accompanying her father on several business trips across most continents, Ariadne was raised to be well-traveled and quite cultured. Unfortunately, she was often reminded that it’s best to be seen, not heard, so for many years of her life, she fell into an obedient, simple lifestyle that she dare not threaten. After graduating from Princeton with a major in music and a business minor, she decided not to return for a masters, and instead chose to travel.

Present: After becoming engaged to long-time family friend Peter, Ariadne realized she needed to think harder about her life. For as long as she could remember, she has simply done as she was told, only finding herself in the notes played from a keyboard. She felt bored, having already been everywhere and seen everything; now, condemned to a quiet, family life, likely returning back to Shanghai to care for her parents as they enter old age. Instead, she followed her heart to Salem, where she now works as a piano teacher, despite not truly knowing why she chose Massachusetts of all places to spend her last year of freedom until her marriage this upcoming winter.

Personality: Elegance and respect are firmly woven into the creation of Ariadne’s personality. She is complex, layered; like her name, she is a labyrinth of silent thoughts. Without ever having a platform to express herself other than an orchestra, she’s learned to fall in line without complaint, but her mind works quicker than you’d think. She is calculating, always on the hunt for success, and her thirst for something interesting is insatiable. With everything having been given to her, it’s hard for her to remember that her place on Earth is one of privileged, even more so now with her new powers. Cold, reserved, intelligent, and and quick to look for the upper-hand, she is a powerful woman in a delicate shell. Magic, to her, is a chance to be someone new — even if only briefly.

☼ DEVELOPMENT

Pinterest Board.

Personality Analysis:

If she were in a Hogwarts house, Ariadne would be Slytherin

Her MBTI Type is INTJ

Her moral alignment is lawful neutral

If she were in Divergent, she would be placed in Erudite, but quite Divergent herself, likely a mix of Candor and Amity.

Her enneagram type is Type 5

Headcanons:

classical music: her family was happy to encourage her love for piano, especially after moving to new jersey. what had started as a hobby turned into something quite professional until she joined an orchestra in new york city, and eventually went on two different tours with them as a pianist. she has also been paid to come and guest perform at many orchestra performances throughout china, america, and australia. after getting engaged last year, she dropped out of the musical trope.

travel: Ariadne has been nearly everywhere — many countries in europe, asia, to several different states, and new zealand. part of this was due to traveling with her father’s company, where she worked between semesters as a secretary. the other parts were for pleasure and her classical musical career.

peter: as her fiance, peter is a bit of a source of stress in Ari’s life. she doesn’t really want to marry him, and she isn’t being forced into it... she just knows it would please her family, and he’s known her for ages. what else was she to do but accept? it’s helpful because peter’s father works with hers, so he speaks mandarin, and is familiar with shanghai. technically speaking, he ticks all the boxes, but Ari is not happy with him in the slightest.

the future: for as long as she’s been alive, Ari has simply done as she is told. currently she runs a piano lessons business from her home in salem, but she assumes that after getting married to peter and having 1-3 children, she’ll return home to shanghai to live with her parents after her father retires, and she will care for them. plus, it will be her responsibility to sell the business to a good owner, as she does not plan to take over it herself. ari hasn’t even gotten to dream of a future that is her own at this point.

her magic: astral magic. how interesting, right? she has always loved the stars, and naturally had a good ability to connect them into pictures and stories. she sees well at night, she has a connection to astrology and astronomy, but her family always called it silly. i’m excited to explore how ariadne will connect more with the stars. for her, it’s all about light, and the way stars provide it.

#sample app 2 #lsrp #skeleton rp #supernatural rp #rp #accepted

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frostythefelix · 6 years ago

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Lost in a Cornmaze With Jisung

Spooktober 10th

Word count: 2375

Genre: super fluff lmao

Summary: you lose your friends in a cornmaze and come across an equally lost jisung.

This story is dedicated to my wonderful editor and friend @eccentricpineapples she has helped me out tramendously since the beginning of this month and she deserves the biggest shout out!

This was written to fit her and her personality for a gift of sorts? Anyway, thanks Aliese! Idk what I’d do without you lmao

•••

When you woke up that cold Saturday morning to a text from your friends inviting you to a corn maze, you were excited. Fall may not have been your favorite season, but you couldn’t deny that place in your heart for oversized sweaters, pumpkin spice, scented candles, and fallen leaves. That said, there was not a place in your heart for abandonment.

Upon arriving at the makeshift parking lot of the maze, you make the observation that there was no one there. Besides your vehicle and your friend’s mini van, the only other cars were a couple of expensive-looking black Sedans. The lack of people surprised you; this place was all over the typical white-girl’s instagram page.

“Hey, Y/N!” Your friend Karen greeted, leading the rest of the group to the entrance of the maze. You jogged to catch up with them, an excited smile on your face.

“Ready to have fun?” Another friend, Annika asked. You grinned.

“As ready as I’ll ever be!” With those words, your group of five made your way into the maze. As time passed, your group became three, and then suddenly one. The group split due to a stupid disagreement between your friends Ariel, who insisted you go right since that was her “lucky” direction, and Karen, who was having none of that after the sixty-seventh turn. Not that you were counting. You were sick of the bickering, and instead of going against your fear of confrontation, you went off ahead of the group until you couldn’t hear the argument anymore. After taking some breaths to calm down, and a few sips from your half-exhausted water bottle, you decided it was time to head back. But there was one problem. You couldn’t find your friends.

You tried to calm your anxiety. Being alone in an unknown place was not something that brought you happiness in any way. Seeing that you only had a whopping 16% battery life left didn’t help your situation at all. You began to wander, hoping you could find your way back by yourself. Having no signal anyway, you put your phone on airplane mode and stuffed it in your pocket. You were sure you’d need the flashlight at some point, so you had to preserve the small amount of battery you had left. You silently cursed yourself for not charging your phone before you left the house. You walked for a solid fifteen minutes, not hearing a single sound other than the corn stalks rustling in the wind. How big is this place, you wondered. It’d been over an hour since you lost your group, and if you were honest with yourself, you thought you would have found them by now.

“This maze sucks!” You sulked, kicking the corn to your left. Though you felt less stupid when you came across a porta potty in the maze. Clearly, this must happen a lot if the owners had to put a bathroom in there. You continued to walk by yourself, thinking of a strategy to get out when you remembered the other cars. There were more people in there, unless they already got out and left. You shook the negative thought out of your head, convincing yourself that they had to be in there with you somewhere. The cars looked expensive, and expensive cars meant rich people. Rich people meant fancy phones, and with a smile, you came to the conclusion that fancy phones had service. All you had to do was find one of those rich people, and you could use their phone to call your friends. You sped up, hopeful. Your plan was foolproof! Although, in reality, the only accuracy in that sentence was ‘fool’. You couldn’t even find your friends, what made you think you’d find anyone else?

Lost in thought, you didn’t hear the footsteps approaching you until they were almost rounding the corner. You paused, your heart rate suddenly picking up. You thought you were going crazy at this point. You’d been lost for two hole hours and you were almost out of water. A male voice sounded over the footsteps, recognizing the language immediately as Korean. You’d never heard it in person, only ever on youtube and in all the kpop songs you listened to, but you could distinguish it immediately.

“Hello?” The voice called, the english words echoing throughout the silence. Hesitantly, you repeated his call.

Earlier that morning, Jisung woke up to chaos. All eight of his members were crowding his bed, throwing themselves at him and laughing joyously. Seungmin shoved a piece of paper in his hands and it took him a moment before he could actually comprehend what it said. The nine of them would be going to a corn maze while in America for an episode of The 9th. He was excited to say the least. He needed the break from everything. Don’t get him wrong, he loved his life, but he needed a break from all the chaos being an idol brought.

Each line was given a camera to share between the three of them. Whichever group made it out first would win a prize of sorts. They weren’t allowed to know what that prize was until the end, though, they knew it was something big. That brought out the competitive side of all the members, each determined to win. The moment they were given the go, Chan grabbed Changbin from his conversation with Hyunjin and Felix by his arm and dragged him into the maze at sonic speed, assuming Jisung was right behind them. He was not. No worries, he thought, I can do this on my own. He chuckled at the thought of his friends arriving at the finish line first, but losing because he wasn’t with them.

Jisung had been wandering for a while, with slightly more success than you. He almost caught up with the vocal line, but Seungmin was blasting Day6 so loud that Jisung’s calls never reached them. He never regretted leaving his phone behind more than he did at that moment. His luck changed suddenly at the sound of footsteps. He raced toward the sound, calling for help in his native tongue before coming upon the realization that he was in America, and statistically, the person he was chasing did not speak Korean. Not a problem for our multilingual prince. He called out in English, finally receiving a response. Rounding the corner he came face to face with a terrified you.

You weren’t terrified, you were surprised. Right in front of you was a face that you had plastered on your bedroom wall. A face that you watch constantly on youtube and vlive. Han Jisung, a member of your favorite kpop boy group, Stray Kids, was stood right in front of you. You even made a remind account that morning, to remind all your friends to vote for Stray Kids on mnet. But you couldn’t freak out. No matter how excited you were, Jisung was your only way out of this place.

“Hey, I’m Y/N. Is there any chance you saw a group of dumb ass girls all shorter than me?” You asked, hopeful. He shook his head, a sorry smile on his thin lips.

“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Jisung. Any chance you’ve seen a group of dumbass boys pretty much all taller than me?” You took a deep breath. The rest of Stray Kids were there, too! But that doesn’t help that you were both lost, although now you had a companion. It’s awkwardly silent for too long before Jisung breaks it suddenly.

“Hey, so my friends and I are doing this video where we’re competing as teams to get out of the maze-” He started, you interrupted with a laugh.

“So, you’re losing?”

“Well, yeah, but not for long.” he replied, leaving you a bit confused. “There’s no way my friends will win. They’ve got, at most, six brain cells between the two of them and the older one has most of them.” You want to ask which of the members he was teamed with. They never had specific groups they’d team with in any of their The 9th episodes. “Anyway, even if they did get out first, they can’t win without me.” You say nothing, still confused as to why he was telling you this story, not that you didn’t want him to tell you. If you were honest, you would listen to him talk about a garbage can all day and never complain.

“What are you getting at?” You asked.

“Well, why don’t we become a team and win the prize instead?” He suggested. You didn’t really have to think about it. His proposal wasn’t something you could say no to. You would escape the maze an idol, albeit an idol that didn’t know you knew he was an idol, and you could make your friends jealous. It was an easy yes. You nod, determined.

“I think we’ll make a great team, Jisung. Let’s get out of here!” Suddenly both of you had so much energy, sprinting off in the same direction. Jisung decided the best plan would be to “become the maze”. The two of you began trudging through the corn walls, avoiding the actual paths. The two of you chat to pass the time, asking each other questions and talking about your hobbies.

“Oh, you rap?” You ask, you know, like a liar; as if you didn’t bump to Matryoshka on the daily. You tell him about your classes, advising he never take AP Physics, not that he would ever have to. The two of you opted to playing other games like two truths and a lie, but facts version. You had to feign innocents when you guessed facts correct, insisting you were just a great listener. At this point, you were having so much fun that you completely forgot the revenge plan, laughing and joking together like you’d been friends forever. It wasn’t until you pushed through the last wall of that stupid maze that you remembered.

“Why’d you leave me?” You shout angrily. All four of your friends were waiting at the entrance of the maze, remorseful expressions covering their faces. The audacity.

“Y/N, we thought you died-” Karen shushed your friend Ariel.

“Oh, gosh! We’re so sorry. Once we realized you were gone it was too late.” You wanted to roll your eyes at her. “We figured it was our best bet to come up with a meeting place outside of the maze, but then you didn’t show, and our calls weren’t going through-”

“It’s okay, guys. I mean it really hurt my feelings, but we can talk about that later. Meet my new friend!” Jisung, who has an impeccable sense of timing, pops out from behind you with a cute squirrel-like smile. You’re completely prepared to rub him in their faces, but they aren’t even fazed. Annika smiled, a small yeah-about-that smile that made your heart drop. Before you could question her though, a shout resignated from behind you. A group of boys, easily recognizable as Stray Kids themselves, come running out of the main building. Jisung huffs at the sight of them, but you’re frozen in your place, shocked to your core.

Woojin is the first to make it to your group. He started to apologize profusely and you were proud that you at least could grasp that. When Jisung started to respond, you turned towards the rest of the group as the began to surround him. You’re mouth hung open at the sight of your bias, sweet and soft, right in front of your face.

“Oh my g- it’s Felix Lee!” You shouted before you could stop yourself. Felix is caught by surprise, mumbling a shy hello, but before you could get anything else out Jisung’s hurt face appears in front of Felix, having put two and two together.

“You knew who I was the entire time, but didn’t say anything?” He asked, a prominent frown etched on his face. He knew Felix was more popular than him, but did you just not like him or something? Why hadn’t you reacted that way to him?

“I just didn’t want to sound like a creep and you’re just really cool.” You tried to explain. “I don’t know. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I’m sorry.” Jisung couldn’t help but appreciate that. His smile was so wide, but it dropped when he realized something.

“So you cheated in Two Truths, One Lie?” He practically yelled.

“It wasn’t cheating!” You insisted. “You really do have a Virgo vibe!”

For the next hour your two groups interact as much as you can. There was a lot of translating and confusion, but by the time you had to go home it felt like communicating got much easier, and you scored at least twenty photos with the group.

It came time to say goodbye and suddenly the atmosphere became somber and cold. You didn’t want to say goodbye to Jisung. You avoided it the best you could, saving his goodbye for last. After having a borderline mental breakdown in front of Felix, telling him how pretty he was with his freckles, how he shouldn’t let anyone edit his beautiful skin, and how proud of him you were for graduating early and not being afraid to cry, it was Jisung’s turn. You frowned at him, not ready for this.

“Don’t be sad!” He said, pulling you in for a hug. He was sad too, but he wouldn’t admit that to anybody. He gave you a tight squeeze, leaning back to smile at you. “Today was really fun, even if I did get totally abandoned-” Changbin shrieked in protest behind you causing Jisung to laugh. “Anyway, even if we were lost in a corn maze, I’m glad it was with you.” He let go of the hug with one last smile before walking away with the rest of Stray Kids. When he was out of earshot, you finally could breath, letting out a loud, strangled shout of excitement. Your friends laugh at you as you all make your way to your cars as well. It isn’t until you sit in the driver seat that you feel something in your pocket.

Pulling out a small piece of paper, your eyebrow furrowed. On the piece of paper, scrawled in messy pen, was a simple tumblr URL and a smiley face. Your jaw dropped, eyes ogling the paper. All this time you thought it was Chan sneaking around the interwebs of Tumblr, but it was that sneaky snake Jisung all along. As much as you wanted to go home, you couldn’t. Before retreating to your car, your friends had made dinner plans. You were to meet them at your favorite pizza place as an apology for abandoning you. As thankful as you were, you wanted nothing more to get home and search up the URL. You couldn’t believe it. The fact that it was Jisung this whole time boggled your mind.

Finally, around ten o’clock PM, you opened the door to your home. You ran up the stairs to your room, skipping two steps at a time. Yanking your laptop open, you impatiently typed in your password and watched as Stray Kids popped up on your screen. You chuckled at the irony, clicking the Google Chrome icon before going straight to Tumblr and typing in the URL Jisung gave you. You couldn’t help but snoop around his Minho blog for awhile before clicking the message button.

“Heyy, I’m Y/N. Is there any chance you’ve seen a smol squirrel rapper boy with a secret tumblr, is there?” You typed, a smile on your face. His response came faster than you thought.

“Nope, sorry, but have you seen a cute anxious girl that got abandoned by her friends around here?” Your eyes widened at his words. Cute? You squealed, rolling around on the floor before getting up, taking a deep breath and typing back a response.

That corn maze debacle actually resulted in something amazing: the start of a beautiful friendship accompanied by memes, eventual late night facetimes, group hangouts whenever he was in town, and maybe a little bit more than just friendship. All you knew was that that night was the best thing to ever happen to you, and little did you know, Jisung felt the same.

masterlist

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directionlessbuthappy · 7 years ago

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Dawn of the Draugr: p1

In a pre-apocalyptic world, there is Elyse, a 21 year old woman who was going to community college in her small town in Northern California, working on biology and medicine courses. Doing what young adults are expected to do at her age. But her future spirals into uncertainty with a pandemic spreading across humanity. An illness which infects and shuts down the body, reanimating the brain and turning the person into something only seen in repetitive shitty movies and your nightmares. Being on her own, Elyse would have to lose her morality or sanity to survive. Maybe both. However, she may be able to keep them now that she’s found Alex Lothbrok and his brothers. Or, she may lose it even faster…

Modern AU: Alex H. Anderson x Reader

Warnings: graphic violence, language, blood, death

Note: I kept the last name Lothbrok for the brothers to distinguish characters vs reality. I doubt they are anything like the characters (based on them for visual purposes) I’m writing, so I prefer to add an element of unrealism here to reiterate this as fiction. Cheers xo

Tagged: @missrobyn81

It wasn't a normal day.

Everyone likes to think when the world ends, it'll start out totally normal, and you'll have no idea what's happening or whats coming. You won't see it until its too late. People sell it that way for drama, for TV shows and the movies, but its not real. The truth is, you do see it. The warning signs are everywhere, but without someone telling you to run, you aren't sure if you should. People are like sheep; they don't know what to do without instruction. When the epidemic spread from South America and Asia, nobody here was worried. We had central America in our path, and a whole ocean separating us from Japan. It seemed like the black plague at first; killed massive amounts of people over the last two years. But since there were minimal cases of it here in the US, nobody was worried.

For a while.

My family was split; my mom and I were alone most of my life. She married a man who already had two kids. I was an adult at that point, indifferent to the pairing but still living at home. Going to community college. Everything seemed normal despite everything we were seeing on the internet and on TV. Coverage of the epidemic was getting less and less clear as more people were panicking and packing up their things. Our whole neighborhood moved out in a week. Northern California felt safe enough, we hadn't had any sightings/cases of epidemic here. There was some in Texas, and Arizona...

One day after a phone call, my mom told me she was going with her husband to go get his kids. It was their week to visit us, and their mom wasn't comfortable driving on the roads with how crazy it was getting out there in Washington state, so my mom and her husband planned to go get them. I was in denial, in a way...not really considering how bad it was yet. it felt eerie, being home alone after that. Our little three bedroom, one story house on Sweedland Way felt like a mansion while I waited for my mom to come home. I'd stopped going to school; we'd got an email that class was out due to teacher shortages. Out, indefinitely. I remember when I got my first taste that it was all real, not some widespread panic about the cold.

I was sitting in the living room, checking through a few websites that hadn't posted in over a week. I was studying animal medicine in college (when I was still going) so I understood a lot of technical jargon when reading on the epidemic. All the articles and different notes on the contagion were unfinished; even Wikipedia was useless in explaining what it was. Most researchers first found it in South America, comparing the disease to a virus hiding behind the symptoms of bacterial infection...making it less concerning in its early stages. Researchers didn't catch on until about 6 months in, when more hospital staff were infected verses healthy. Infection was mostly caused by saliva, whether its ingested, gets in your eyes, or most commonly seen in the reports I found...you get bit. Like a rabies virus on cocaine, the disease ravages your system and fries pretty much everything...except your spinal cord and your motor function. The nervous system was preserved by the disease and regenerated itself; the body would be able to function, move, and respond to things like noise. But otherwise...

I didn't like to entertain the idea the dead could come back to life. That wasn't true, it was science fiction bullshit. Granted, I loved cheesy movies where the dead would rise, but that was all they were. Movies. If anything, these sick people were just very sick...maybe it was a new type of cancer, that was why it scared people so much.

I was wrong.

...

"See the sight lined up to the chest?"

"Yeah..."

"Shoot it."

"But I need to hit the head."

"I know Elyse. Take the shot."

I swallowed and pulled the trigger. The gun popped against my chest like a light bump, and the bullet went straight through the target's "neck." I was surprised.

"It aims high!"

"Bingo," Alex replied. "Its the only red sight we have. Jordan can't get the tilt quite right but it still works eh? Now aim at the neck."

I do so, trusting his word now more than before. I squeezed and the gun pops; the bullet hole in my target's head was clear. With a giddy squeal, I aimed to take another shot, but missed. Alex grinned from behind me, I knew this because when I turned he was already doing it.

"Nice shot."

"Shut up," I replied, faintly hurt. He chuckled and outstretched his arm for the gun. I handed it over, safety on.

"Wanna try with the handguns?"

"Actually..." I whined. Holding my arm up to show off the bruise blooming on my tricep, Alex frowned slightly. "Can we take a break?"

"Sure punkin," he shrugged. I still took the time to roll my eyes at him before sitting down on a hay bail. Our little training field wasn't too far away from the house; Jordan and Marco could still see us from the second floor's porch. We were safe, mostly. The treeline that surrounded the house on the hill made me the most nervous, especially at night. Jordan called them "fight nights" for fun, but he was good at making others feel better. I could see right through it. Just like I could see them coming through the treeline every other night.

Sometimes it was just one, sometimes a pack of them. They traveled in groups pretty often. They're always so listless, walking like they were drunk and heavy and yet they weren't slow in their pace. They'd drag their feet, and although they were responsive to sound, it didn't seem like they understood anything. From the material I've read and studied in the last couple months the disease is as unpredictable as its victims. Sometimes you'd die in a week...sometimes it only took 24 hours. But if you got bit at all, you were fucked no matter how long it takes to die.

"Jordan's still not worried about the ammo?"

Alex shrugged, taking a mag and shoving it into the cartridge of his 47. "We have enough to get us through a month of assaults. You and Marco are the only ones worried."

"We have enough for a month of assaults with automatics, Alex. Our handguns are limited. They're attracted to noise, and we can't haul ass with ten pound metal death machines on our shoulders!"

"We'll be fine. If you're really that worried, go down the hunt shop on West 10th. They'll have something," he replied coily. I scowled at him.

"That's not funny."

"Was I laughing?"

"Alex!" I snarled. He had the sense to look a little upset, sighing once he realized he'd actually upset me.

"I'm kidding Lees," he muttered. "I'll go with you tomorrow. Would that make you happy?"

"Are you being sarcastic again?" I replied warily, buttoning my flannel up and down with the same button. Alex took a few shots, turning the head of one of our dummies into swiss cheese. He put so many holes in it the head actually fell off. It made us both chuckle.

"Do you want me to go on my own?"

"No!" I squeaked instantly. Alex grinned and turned his back to me, lining up the sight of his automatic again. The kid was growing on me...

#alex hogh andersen #alex hogh imagine #alex hogh x reader #zombie apocalypse #the lothbroks #post apocalyptic #writings #modern vikings au #dawnofthedraugr #modern au

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surveysonfleek · 7 years ago

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939.

You usually eat supper with your family. You’ve fallen for a friends’ bf/gf before. You’d rather eat fries over salad. You’re a really good gift buyer. You’ve had a cat/dog who had kittens/puppies. You accept every friend request whether you know them or not. You can’t sleep without a blanket. You need very particular conditions to sleep. You’d be comfortable going to the last person you kissed in sweats with no makeup and your hair a mess. You bought what you wore today in the past couple of weeks. You’d be able to name all of Santa’s reindeer. You’ve spent HOURS getting prettied up for someone. It takes you forever to pick out outfits for dates. You’ve been friends with someone who moved to a different country. Cafeteria food really is gross. You’ve given someone a hickey before. If you could, you’d start your life over right now. You’ve cried in front of the person you have feelings for. There is someone who makes you smile just thinking about them. You’ve found a friend’s mom/dad very good looking before. You’d rather live without TV than without makeup. You’d rather live without your parents than without your siblings. Someone has once told you you’re the most important person in their life. You’ve worn a matching Halloween costume with someone before. Your hair is in need of a wash right now. You know that someone has feelings for you right now. You believe you’ve met your soul mate already. You know what you’re being for Halloween already. Someone calls you cute/beautiful/etc on a daily basis. There were other people there during your last kiss. You’ve kissed someone right after they smoked pot. You’ve dated someone at work, broke up, and had VERY awkward times there. You can see some kind of liquid from where you’re sitting. You’ve been set up on a HORRIBLE blind date before. The last person you hugged is single. You’ve seen the last person you texted drunk. Your last relationship was ended pretty much mutually. You wouldn’t date someone much younger than you. You know someone but only their last name - that’s all anyone ever calls them. Your grandparents are way too nosy. You’ve talked to a huge bitch in the past 24 hours. The last person you laughed with is in love. You have blonde streaks through your hair. You often wear ripped jeans. When going out, you wear really low-cut shirts. You’ve cheated before. ^And it made you realize how much you loved your boyfriend. You’re extremely blunt. You’ve been known as a tease. You’re not a bitch unless it’s necessary. You take things really personal sometimes. If a guy screws up one time, you say you’re done. You have hair extensions or have used them before. You wear heels with booty shorts. You have out-played a player. You wear glasses at night. You’ve intentionally made a significant other jealous. ^By getting another guy’s number in front of him. You’re really short. You and your mom are really close. You have been hit by a guy. You have been hit by a girl. You stand up for your friends no matter what. After a break-up, you haven’t been able to move on for a really long time. You’ll dance anywhere at any given time. You’re obsessed with pickles. You’ve been hit on by a guy who already had a girlfriend. You’ve been fired from a job. You always speak your mind, no matter how bitchy you may seem. You find it easier to give up in tough situations. When going on vacations, you pack your shit in garbage bags instead of a suitcase. You call yourself by a nickname that has to do with a celebrity. You scream to get your point across the majority of the time. You’re always in other peoples’ business, and you don’t care. You’ve been guilty of cock-blocking before. Fun is not something you’re a fan of. I’m related to my best friend. I love getting inked. Almost every song reminds me of something/someone. I haven’t traveled much in my life. I have a dailybooth account. I hate when people act like whoever they’re around. Get fucking real. I don’t like taking showers at night. Procrastination is my middle name. I watch My Life as Liz on MTV. I recently got something back I lent to someone. I’ve been to the beach within the past week. I fell asleep watching a movie last night. I really like the band Circa Survive. I use my Twitter everyday. No one ever asks me anything on formspring. I can roll joints like a pro. I’ve been taking a lot of pictures lately. I love seeing cute guys. I don’t like it when people get drunk and call/text me. I hate when my stomach growls in a quiet room. I burp all the time, I don’t think it’s gross at all. I’m missing someone I know I shouldn’t. I watch Intervention. I need to start working out. I hate seeing someone I used to know and having to make awkward small talk. Honestly, I don’t give a shit about politics. The tattoo healing process sucks balls. I’m allergic to my pets. I need some food, pronto. I don’t obsess over celebrities. I don’t look like any celebrities. I like rap music, but I’m not all about it. Going to concerts or shows doesn’t really appeal to me. Someone recently texted me that I’ve been avoiding. I don’t really like having a boyfriend, I like being single most of the time. I hate when I see someone I knew and they completely avoid me. I look a lot different now than I did in middle school. I listen to A Skylit Drive. I watch the show Hoarders, and I’d cry if I lived in a house like that. I can easily relate to people’s situations. Every time I say or hear the word ‘situation’ I think of Mike “The Situation”. ^ I’m a fan of that on Facebook. The thought of contacts makes me want to gag. I think I need glasses. I have driven under the influence I have quit a job I have dyed my hair a completely different color from my natural I have stayed on the phone longer than 3 hours with a boyfriend I have used a Snuggie I have stayed up for more than 48 hours straight I have had a close friend turn into a complete bitch I have read the books Crank & Glass I have been utterly disgusted by what I saw in the mirror I have worn Bullhead jeans I have painted my nails neon colors I have bobbed for apples I have cried just from wanting something to happen so badly I have researched about drugs on the internet I have done more than 3 drugs I have worn a fur coat I have lived in the same country my whole life I have spent an entire day and night on the computer I have stayed up late working on something for school I have creeped on Facebook/MySpace I have had a fake ID I have rode around late at night with a bunch of friends, drunk/high I have worn clogs I have worn Uggs I have eaten banana pancakes I have owned stuff from Bath & Body Works I have worn a scarf during the spring or summertime I have hooked up with a random guy while on vacation I have eaten fried Twinkies I have eaten fried Oreos I have ridden a roller coaster I have woken up with a really dry or sore throat I have hiked a mountain I have rock climber I have gone skydiving I have pretended to like something I didn’t I have pretended to like someone I didn’t I have been nice just to spare feelings I have jogged 2 miles straight I have stayed in my pajamas all day long I have failed an important class I have drank something other than champagne out of a champagne glass I have watched ‘80s TV shows I have beaten a high score on a video game I have been taller than 5'4” I have carved my name into something. I have played at a playground over the age of 13. I have gotten a ‘brain freeze’ I have been to Cabela’s I have been to Ron Jon’s Surf Shop I have written longer than a 5 page paper I have intentionally started a fight with someone I have seen a comedian live I have seen my favorite band live I have organized everything in my room before I’m on the phone. I’m on the phone with a guy friend. My hair is wet. My hair wrapped up in a towel, turban-style. I just got out of the shower. I’m in the living room. The TV is on in the room I’m in. A reality show is currently on. I have a hair tie around my wrist. I am not texting anybody. I’m wearing pajamas. I’m not listening to music. I’m on a laptop. My laptop is plugged in and charging. My toenails are painted. My fingernails aren’t painted. I’m wearing deodorant. I’m drinking water. My cell phone is within reach. I’m not hungry. I’m not sleepy. I’m thinking about someone. I laughed within the past few minutes. I’m on my period. My house smells like coffee. I’m wearing a white shirt. My pants are plaid pajama pants. I’m not wearing socks. I’m not wearing a bra. I’m not wearing a bracelet or necklace. Something on my body itches. I’m procrastinating. I have a zit on my back. I’m sitting on the sofa. My mom is within my line of vision. The light is on in the room I’m in. I should be doing something else. I should be doing school-related stuff. Today is Thursday. It’s night time. It’s dark outside. I’m thirsty. I’m sitting in a comfortable position. My ankles are crossed. My hair isn’t in a ponytail. There’s a song stuck in my head. I’m looking forward to something. My lips aren’t chapped.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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90dayableton · 5 years ago

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90 Days of Ableton: Day 0 & 1

I downloaded Ableton in the late evening on May 10th, so I’m going to call May 11th, my first full day with the software, Day 1.

May 10th was Day 0.

I did spend a couple hours on Day 0 trying to get comfortable with the program. I’ve never used a full DAW before - I’ve only noodled around with free web apps like Soundation.

So I had a basic sense of how to add instruments or channels, how to create and edit clips, and how to create notes with the draw mode/pen tool.

I decided to start by making something slow & chill.

I had a basic structure already in mind:

Start with one nice chord pattern with a little texture, a few passing notes, to make it interesting: 2, 4, or 8 measures long, as an introduction. Play it by itself.

Then, after 2-4 measures, layer it with beats.

Then layer it with more filled-out chords.

Then layer it with melodic lines. Make the melody another repeating loop, 2-4 measures long.

After the melody plays a couple times, start to tweak things. Change some of the moving notes, make sequences go up instead of down, or down instead of up.

Then add a few more percussive elements, transitions, and little instrumental call-outs to give it some life.

Every 2-4 measures, add a new instrument or effect without breaking the underlying pattern. Familiar foundation + novelty = brain takes interest.

Once the pattern repeats enough that you get tired of it, it’s time for a B section!

Now start removing instruments. Allow the more recent elements to play, or play with variations, and switch up the basic loops you started with. (i.e. change the bassline, change the chords, change the beats - you want complementary, but different.)

Preserve some elements, change others. Keep it on a 2, 4, or 8 measure cycle. You want new things to happen every 2 measures.

Re-introduce elements you haven’t heard in a while on top of new ones for a satisfying climax.

As for an outro? I basically just let the B section play out, and then I went back to the chords from the intro but I gave them to a different instrument, and I silenced everything else...dropped out the bass, the percussion, everything except a little ambiance. It worked, even though it was abrupt.

By the end of Day 1, I felt I had something cohesive and more-or-less “finished,” though it was very unrefined.

I lowered some of the track volumes (bass, shamisen, soft horn, bottle blower) but not all of them (I’m writing this from the perspective of Day 3 so now I know that the mixer in the red is something to correct), I didn’t do any panning, I didn’t double any instruments. I didn’t do anything with gates or envelopes or pitch shifting.

It’s basically a compilation of sounds and a nice tune but it’s not edited, mastered, or mixed in any significant way.

What I Started With:

Ableton Live 10 Trial (free)

a pretty chord riff: mine was inspired by an old j-rock song ain’t afraid to die by dir en grey

(I figured out the exact notes of the chords (I have a good ear but I do not have perfect pitch, people) with this synthesia video breakdown of the song.)

a few general ideas for how to structure it (listed above)

a few general ideas for organizing my workstation

basic background in music performance/theory (I know that not all aspiring music producers may have this, and I am lucky to; but it’s also likely that many musicians are drawn to this work)

What I Learned:

ONE. I’m not sure why the basic template, when you open a new live set, is two Midi tracks and two Audio tracks. The first habit I started was deleting one Midi and one Audio track, silencing the two remaining, and using them as temporary storage tracks to hold midi & audio samples/clips that I wanted to use but hadn’t assigned to an instrument. Nobody told me to do that. It just made sense to me and maybe in the future I’ll find out that it’s actually a bad idea, but it works right now.

TWO. The basic trial version of Ableton supposedly doesn’t have as much extra content (sounds, samples, instruments) as the full one, but it’s still pretty loaded. [Disclaimer: Nobody is paying me to say this.] A really huge amount of time was just taken up with me sorting through all the stuff that came pre-installed, listening to samples, and selecting what might sound good in the context of my own song. (HOWEVER - I did want more orchestral instrument options. Not enough brass and winds, and the strings could definitely be improved...)

THREE. It’s really easy to get distracted by other cool sounds. I ended up saving a bunch of specific samples to my user library (or creating a new live set to play around with it a little bit) because hearing certain unrelated sounds inevitably triggered new musical ideas that weren’t appropriate for the current composition.

FOUR. If I didn’t have a specific idea for a song in my head (which I did), it would have been so much harder and taken so much longer to create something cohesive. Going in with 1. a basic chord progression and 2. a couple basic melodic “cues” that I lifted from the lead vocals in the original song made it MUCH easier to fill in everything else around it. I deliberately took inspiration from another song because I wanted to focus on creating something pretty that would teach me how to use the software without getting too bogged down in composition.

FIVE. It was easy to get distracted and to flounder until I “landed” on exactly the sound I needed, or the sound I didn’t know I needed until I heard it. Example: I didn’t plan out a shamisen track, but once I saw the shamisen instrument in my library, I knew I was gonna have a good time with it. Or the chimes. As soon as I heard the chimes, I knew exactly where to put them and I didn’t swerve.

SIX. One of the most time-consuming things was just locking in the actual notes. I was used to the draw tool in another program that streamlined drawing notes, but I felt like it was clunkier and slower-going in Ableton because there were so many more refined options.

As a result, I learned/realized that I could use my computer keyboard in lieu of a Midi keyboard (which I don’t own), so I ended up composing that way. When there were tempo or rhythmic issues, I fixed them by ear, manually re-positioning notes...(I can only assume there’s a shortcut I don’t know about yet because if it’s not clear I’m a total noob) and zooming in closer for more refined adjustments.

SEVEN. Zooming! I learned a few basic keyboard shortcuts which helped SO much. On a PC:

ctrl+alt gives you a grabby hand and if you hold those down while you click with the mouse you can move all around the track without accidentally clicking or highlighting or deleting anything

ctrl + mouse scroll wheel (or + / - buttons) lets you zoom in and out, in the track itself and in the midi note editor.

EIGHT. One of those “learning by doing” things - day 0 & 1 were just immersing myself in the system and figuring out how to actually do the thing I needed. Some of my early questions:

why is my master track mixer red when everything else is green? (answer: you need to lower individual track volumes well below 0, like at least -8 to -12.)

how do I make the display go left-right with a timeline instead of up-down? (answer: tab button to switch between views)

how do I make this note sound less harsh? (answer: probably has something to do with the velocity? and/or the attack?)

how do I make this sound linger instead of clip off suddenly? (answer: hold the note until the end of the phrase, or lengthen the clip to draw it out - yeah I’m not touching reverb yet)

how do I lengthen or shorten clips? (answer: there’s a function with ctrl + E to slice something if you want to chop it up, but otherwise just grabbing it by the edge and dragging left or right will work. note this is for the clip...not the music/notes.)

how do I make the instrument panel come up and how do I hear it and how do I use my keyboard as a midi controller?

answer:

Select your instrument from the library sidebar and drag it to the place under the other tracks where it says “drop files and devices here”

Then, double click on that track

This should create a new “clip” which you can expand or move around to a different place in the timeline.

There’s a little keyboard along the left side of the “midi clip editor” which pops up at the bottom of the screen when you create a new clip. Click the headphone icon above the keyboard (which lets you hear yourself play it) AND press the M button on your keyboard to turn the Computer Midi Keyboard on and off. (You should see it light up in the top right corner, near the CPU load meter.)

Then, you should be able to use your keyboard to play notes - a s d f g h j k as the basic notes of the c major scale (i.e. white keys from C - C; easy to remember since f and g correspond to actual F and G) and W E T Y U as black keys.

To actually record what you’re playing, hit the record button. Personally I recommend setting the metronome (upper left corner) to count off one bar before the recording starts.

I will share my finished “song” from the end of Day One, but before I do, in the next post I’m going to break down what happened on Day Two to show you how I improved even further upon my work.

Then you can hear the two side by side, really proving how much progress one person can make in a single day!

#90daysofableton #abletonlive #learning ableton #sound production #music composition #dir en grey #chillwave #digital audio workstation #DAW #composing chillwave

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megacircuit9universe · 5 years ago

Text

Resurrection Stone

WED MAR 04 2020

But that plan only works if the other guy drops out and pledges his delegates to me… well before the convention. If both of them… with only half the popular vote that Bernie has… are there contesting the nomination… neither of them has any rational argument for getting it.

Therefore, Bernie wins.

To avoid that, by coalescing around one centrist candidate… there is a timer already ticking. Super Tuesday is already happening, it’s too late to hold Bernie back there!… how bout by the next Super Tuesday on March 10th?

Too soon to give up the dream and back a rival centrist?

-SAT FEB 29

From my lips to God’s ears, apparently.

The above quote is from my last entry, the night Biden won South Carolina by a huge margin... first state he’s ever won in his life, despite running in multiple Presidential primaries... and despite doing terrible in the first three states here in 2020.

My theory was, that even if the lesser centrists, like Buttigieg, and Klobuchar dropped out after Super Tuesday, Bloomberg would remain to split the centrist vote with Biden all the way to the convention.

Sanders was looking to win big just three days later... on Super Tuesday, possibly sweeping ten or more of the fourteen states.

Now... I’ve talked about quantum leaps before in politics... where something extremely unlikely to happen, nonetheless happens and changes everything overnight. And we had one on Super Monday.

Biden did get a nice media bump on Super Sunday, after winning SC on Saturday, and then the seemingly impossible happened on Monday, where both Buttigieg and Klobuchar dropped out, and endorsed Biden.

Seemingly impossible, because it was just one day before the big game, and they both have such huge egos (as do all politicians). But not only did they drop out and endorse Biden... so did Beto O’rourke!

I feel like such an idiot now for thinking about him as a great running mate for Bernie Sanders... I had no idea he was such a huge tool! He dropped out of this primary forever ago now, and nobody was even thinking about him, but he still came out to endorse Biden on the same day as Pete and Klobi.

Then, on Tuesday itself, the unthinkable happened and Biden... kicked total ass and won ten of the fourteen states!

Of the two big prize states, California and Texas, Biden won Texas... though it was a close call there. Bernie did get a comfortable lead in California... but Biden cleaned his clock in other states he was supposed to win handily.

It can’t be overstated, what a blindsiding upset this was to everybody. Even by the mainstream media, Joe Biden’s candidacy was thought to be dead. He’d done terribly. He was out of money. And he’d never campaigned at all in any of these Super Tuesday states beforehand.

Meanwhile, Bloomberg, who had spent half a billion (with a, B) dollars on these fourteen Super Tuesday states... did miserably in all of them, winning nothing but American Samoa.

Bloomberg did so badly, that he dropped out today (Super Wednesday) and gave his endorsement to Biden.

Tom Steyer, another billionaire who’d been in the race also dropped out today, but... nobody was ever worried about him.

Elizabeth Warren, who did so badly that she came in third in her home state, after Biden and Sanders, has, for the moment, elected to stay in the race, despite having almost no delegates and having won nothing.

So, what happened here?

Well... word on the street is that Obama himself made a few phone calls in the hours after Joe’s big win in SC... to Pete and Klobi, and convinced them to drop out immediately, for JB’s sake... and then called Beto, just for good measure.

While the iron was still hot from Joe’s SC win, this very unexpected news kept it red hot long enough to turn out dazzled Biden fans in droves on election day.

And it seems to have flipped a lot of Bloomberg voters who were only backing him because they’d accepted that Biden... their true fave... had no chance.

Meanwhile Bernie voters... especially the young ones, had grown a bit complacent, thinking he had a lock on Super Tuesday, and weren’t paying enough attention over a Saturday and Sunday... because they’re young and have partying to do... and hangovers to nurse on Mondays... to realize there was any significant threat to their expectations.*

This all resulted in the political quantum leap we all witnessed, where Joe Biden essentially rose from the grave to steal front runner status from Bernie, in what is very suddenly, a two man race.

It’s important to note here that... this was not trickery. This was not voter suppression or some kind of evil app designed to massage the numbers. This was not foreign intervention.

This was... straight up political genius... most likely on the part of Obama... and totally by the rules.

He’s still the figurehead of the Democratic Party. He’s allowed to make a few phone calls and use his influence to give his former VP the best shot possible.

And hey! He was President for eight years, so... shouldn’t we assume he knows more about this kind of shit than any of us do? His Plan worked amazingly well, after all.

Can’t we just trust Obama to use this same kind of genius to guide Biden safely through a contest with Trump, and into the White House, ending our national nightmare?

Well?..

Obama may be a master of political calculation in many spheres... but his Achilles heel always was... and still is... his faith that Republicans can see reason, and will do the right thing.

It’s one thing to resurrect Biden in a primary, when only Democrats are voting.

It’s a whole other thing to keep that reanimated zombie alive through a campaign against Trump, who will be ready with a shotgun, hatchet, club, and any other weapon of opportunity to send it back to Hell.

Trump got impeached and acquitted over his plans to destroy Biden by slinging mud about Burisma, but he won’t even need to bother gushing his hands into that goop when Biden is so clearly in the grips of early onset dementia.

Up until now, it’s been easy to brush that under the rug... with Biden being only one of ten or more candidates on a debate stage... his incoherent babble easily drowned out by the nine other assholes vying for the spotlight.

Yes, Trump is also in the early stages of dementia, but nowhere near as far down the road as Biden.

Also, as the incumbent, Trump’s brand of on and off dementia has been incorporated into his branding, and is accepted as normal... and very toxic to his opponents.

Trump will mop the fucking floor with Biden... the way only an extremely spiteful bastard could... to a cognitively disadvantaged, and thus helpless fellow senior.

We all know this is true about Joe Biden at age 77.

Some people do hit dementia in their seventies. Not many. Usually that’s a thing that develops in your 80s or even 90s, but for some, it does arrive early, and for Biden...it’s pretty advanced. That’s down to random chance, but it’s still a fact.

People at his stage of dementia do not just bounce back to full brain function because they got the Democratic nomination for the Presidency... that’s not how cognitive decline works.

This guy can barely string together a sentence.

And when that happens to your grampa, everybody in the family who loves him so much, will kind of be in denial about it, and rally around him, and give him love and hugs, and try to make him as happy as they can.

But... that’s a hell of a thing to trigger a national electorate to do!

Now, Grampa Joe is in a cage match with Bernie Sanders.

This will not be cute!

Of the three... Trump 73, Biden 77, and Sanders 78... in this extremely unfortunate battle to the death now, of very old grandfathers... Sanders is the oldest, but the only one who still has full command of his mental faculties.

Sanders is still sharp as a tack... metnally. He did have a heart attack, but hey! that’s child’s play compared to dementia, when you’re talking about a President in 2020.

Biden, if put on a debate stage with Sanders, will be exposed for his late stage dementia... to the awkward embarrassment of all.

But to try and keep Biden off a debate stage with Sanders, to avoid that, and allow him to coast completely on name recognition, and nostalgia for a pre-Trump era... will only result in putting off that awkward embarrassment until the fall, against Trump... at which point it will be ten thousand times worse.

Obama can smile as eight-bit sunglasses drop over his face, about the Super Tuesday maneuver he so cleverly engineered last minute from his living room, but it’s not a stunt that will work again in the general election against Trump.

For Sanders now... the only hope is that voters do shake off this daze and give him big wins next Tuesday, and the Tuesday after that... solidifying his place as front runner well before the convention.

That’s possible... but at this point I’m not holding my breath about anything.

Still, for argument’s sake, let’s say that the cage match between Biden and Sanders not only gives Sanders the lead back... but also exposes Biden’s dementia to the point where he suspends his campaign.

That’s where Elizabeth Warren comes in.

My going theory is that she is still waiting for Biden to eventually drop out, after racking up a ton of delegates, but ultimately collapsing under the harsh spotlight.

She, then, would swoop in to get Biden’s endorsement, taking all his delegates, and challenge Bernie at the convention, perhaps forcing the super delegates to back her over him... because she’s a little more centrist.

If that happens... she will have won the nomination without having won a single state, and only a handful of delegates under her own steam.

And... Trump would still mop the floor with her because, “Pocahontas.”

She’s a deeply snakey, slimey politician who has proven herself to be so time and again... to the voters who matter in all the states she’s never been able to win even in primaries.

She will lose to Trump.

So... I don’t know where the fuck we go from here, but it’s looking more and more like Trump will get another... fifteen years, because if he wins in 2020, he’s president for life.

I will no longer be surprised if that happens, but... the only thing that can possibly stop it is if Bernie just kills it in every contest from next Tuesday until the Convention.

We’ll see.

I’m going to bed.

*Not to be a young voter apologist, because I’m not. I was young too... partied a lot and had big hangovers. I still voted in every election, primary or general, local, state, and federal, from the age of 18 to present (now 50).

It was infuriating in 2016, to see how badly millennials who were very vocal online about their informed political opinions, failed us at the polls. It’s even more infuriating after three years of Trump, to see them, and now their GenZ counterparts, who are even more vocal online, and more informed... fail us once again at the polls... while in the same breath complaining about how the establishment has destroyed their future.

It’s all fun and games until you’re living under a dictatorship, kids, on a dying planet.

If you don’t get your asses out to vote in the 2020 primaries, you will spend a good sixty years in that hell, cursing yourself every single day that you didn’t vote in that one last little window where we still could, and you were dancing on Tik Tok instead.

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fluffydragon85 · 7 years ago

Text

You’re at least a little bit cold right now. You would decline if the last person you kissed proposed to you. You’ve shaved your legs in the past 24 hours. The last person you called knows your parents. ‘I love you’ was said in your last relationship. Your best friend is in love. There is food in your room right now. Your friends like your current bf/gf/crush. You always forget to put your seatbelt on. You text the person you like. Your birthday is past the 10th of its month. You’ve had a bf/gf forget your birthday. Chicken soup really does make you feel better when you’re sick. You celebrated the one month in your last relationship. Your best friend has had their heart broken recently. You usually eat supper with your family. You’ve fallen for a friends’ bf/gf before. You’d rather eat fries over salad. You’re a really good gift buyer. You’ve had a cat/dog who had kittens/puppies. You accept every friend request whether you know them or not. You can’t sleep without a blanket. You need very particular conditions to sleep. You’d be comfortable going to the last person you kissed in sweats with no makeup and your hair a mess. You bought what you wore today in the past couple of weeks. You’d be able to name all of Santa’s reindeer. You’ve spent HOURS getting prettied up for someone. It takes you forever to pick out outfits for dates. You’ve been friends with someone who moved to a different country. Cafeteria food really is gross. You’ve given someone a hickey before. If you could, you’d start your life over right now. You’ve cried in front of the person you have feelings for. There is someone who makes you smile just thinking about them. You’ve found a friend’s mom/dad very good looking before. You’d rather live without TV than without makeup. You’d rather live without your parents than without your siblings. Someone has once told you you’re the most important person in their life. You’ve worn a matching Halloween costume with someone before. Your hair is in need of a wash right now. You know that someone has feelings for you right now. You believe you’ve met your soul mate already. You know what you’re being for Halloween already. Someone calls you cute/beautiful/etc on a daily basis. There were other people there during your last kiss. You’ve kissed someone right after they smoked pot. You’ve dated someone at work, broke up, and had VERY awkward times there. You can see some kind of liquid from where you’re sitting. You’ve been set up on a HORRIBLE blind date before. The last person you hugged is single. You’ve seen the last person you texted drunk. Your last relationship was ended pretty much mutually. You wouldn’t date someone much younger than you. You know someone but only their last name Your grandparents are way too nosy. You’ve talked to a huge bitch in the past 24 hours. The last person you laughed with is in love. You have blonde streaks through your hair. You often wear ripped jeans. When going out, you wear really low-cut shirts. You’ve cheated before. And it made you realize how much you loved your boyfriend. You’re extremely blunt. You’ve been known as a tease. You’re not a bitch unless it’s necessary. You take things really personal sometimes. If a guy screws up one time, you say you’re done. You have hair extensions or have used them before. You wear heels with booty shorts. You have out-played a player. You wear glasses at night. You’ve intentionally made a significant other jealous. By getting another guy’s number in front of him. You’re really short. You and your mom are really close. You have been hit by a guy. You have been hit by a girl. You stand up for your friends no matter what. After a break-up, you haven’t been able to move on for a really long time. You’ll dance anywhere at any given time. You’re obsessed with pickles. You’ve been hit on by a guy who already had a girlfriend. You’ve been fired from a job. You always speak your mind, no matter how bitchy you may seem. You find it easier to give up in tough situations. When going on vacations, you pack your shit in garbage bags instead of a suitcase. You call yourself by a nickname that has to do with a celebrity. You scream to get your point across the majority of the time. You’re always in other peoples’ business, and you don’t care. You’ve been guilty of cock-blocking before. Fun is not something you’re a fan of.

*****

I’m related to my best friend. I love getting inked. Almost every song reminds me of something/someone. I haven’t traveled much in my life. I have a dailybooth account. I hate when people act like whoever they’re around. Get fucking real. I don’t like taking showers at night. Procrastination is my middle name. I watch My Life as Liz on MTV. I recently got something back I lent to someone. I’ve been to the beach within the past week. I fell asleep watching a movie last night. I really like the band Circa Survive. I use my Twitter everyday. No one ever asks me anything on formspring. I can roll joints like a pro. I’ve been taking a lot of pictures lately. I love seeing cute guys. I don’t like it when people get drunk and call/text me. I hate when my stomach growls in a quiet room. I burp all the time, I don’t think it’s gross at all. I’m missing someone I know I shouldn’t. I watch Intervention. I’m always drinking Coca-Cola. I need to start working out. I hate seeing someone I used to know and having to make awkward small talk. Honestly, I don’t give a shit about politics. The tattoo healing process sucks balls. I’m allergic to my pets. I need some food, pronto. I don’t obsess over celebrities. I don’t look like any celebrities. I like rap music, but I’m not all about it. Going to concerts or shows doesn’t really appeal to me. Someone recently texted me that I’ve been avoiding. I don’t really like having a boyfriend, I like being single most of the time. I hate when I see someone I knew and they completely avoid me. I look a lot different now than I did in middle school. I listen to A Skylit Drive. I watch the show Hoarders, and I’d cry if I lived in a house like that. I can easily relate to people’s situations. Every time I say or hear the word ‘situation’ I think of Mike “The Situation”. I’m a fan of that on Facebook. The thought of contacts makes me want to gag. I think I need glasses.

*****

I have driven under the influence I have quit a job I have dyed my hair a completely different color from my natural I have stayed on the phone longer than 3 hours with a boyfriend I have used a Snuggie I have stayed up for more than 48 hours straight I have had a close friend turn into a complete bitch I have read the books Crank & Glass I have been utterly disgusted by what I saw in the mirror I have worn Bullhead jeans I have painted my nails neon colors I have bobbed for apples I have cried just from wanting something to happen so badly I have researched about drugs on the internet I have worn a fur coat I have lived in the same country my whole life I have spent an entire day and night on the computer I have stayed up late working on something for school I have creeped on Facebook/MySpace I have had a fake ID I have rode around late at night with a bunch of friends, drunk/high I have worn clogs I have worn Uggs I have eaten banana pancakes I have owned stuff from Bath & Body Works I have worn a scarf during the spring or summertime I have hooked up with a random guy while on vacation I have eaten fried Twinkies I have eaten fried Oreos I have ridden a roller coaster I have woken up with a really dry or sore throat I have hiked a mountain I have rock climbed I have gone skydiving I have pretended to like something I didn’t I have pretended to like someone I didn’t I have been nice just to spare feelings I have jogged 2 miles straight I have stayed in my pajamas all day long I have failed an important class I have drank something other than champagne out of a champagne glass I have watched ‘80s TV shows I have beaten a high score on a video game I have been taller than 5'4” I have carved my name into something. I have played at a playground over the age of 13. I have gotten a ‘brain freeze’ I have been to Cabela’s I have been to Ron Jon’s Surf Shop I have written longer than a 5 page paper I have intentionally started a fight with someone I have seen a comedian live I have seen my favorite band live I have organized everything in my room before

*****

I’m on the phone. I’m on the phone with a guy friend. My hair is wet. My hair wrapped up in a towel, turban-style. I just got out of the shower. I’m in the living room. The TV is on in the room I’m in. A reality show is currently on. I have a hair tie around my wrist. I am not texting anybody. I’m wearing pajamas. I’m not listening to music. I’m on a laptop. My laptop is plugged in and charging. My toenails are painted. My fingernails aren’t painted. I’m wearing deodorant. I’m drinking water. My cell phone is within reach. I’m not hungry. I’m not sleepy. I’m thinking about someone. I laughed within the past few minutes. I’m on my period. My house smells like coffee. I’m wearing a white shirt. My pants are plaid pajama pants. I’m not wearing socks. I’m not wearing a bra. I’m not wearing a bracelet or necklace. Something on my body itches. I’m procrastinating. I have a zit on my back. I’m sitting on the sofa. My mom is within my line of vision. The light is on in the room I’m in. I should be doing something else. I should be doing school-related stuff. Today is Thursday. It’s night time. It’s dark outside. I’m thirsty. I’m sitting in a comfortable position. My ankles are crossed. My hair isn’t in a ponytail. There’s a song stuck in my head. I’m looking forward to something. My lips aren’t chapped.

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thebookrat · 7 years ago

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I mentioned in another post recently (actually, maybe this is going up first, so maybe I will mention in another post... I've been writing and scheduling in so many posts - for me - that I don't honestly know!) that I have a goal of featuring more books more often, and in more ways, as a general rule on this blog. One of those ways -- and let me know if you like this idea -- is to do a monthly post highlighting some of the books that are coming out that month, that would be my top picks if someone handed me a bookstore gift card and said, "Go crazy." So here are my picks for April. Some are already out, and some will be out very soon. A couple of these are either on my shelves, or will be featured in some other way around these parts very soon. (Ahem, giveaway of one of these coming soon and/or possibly already up, depending on when you're reading this, and when I've scheduled things for! See note above... ;D) Take a look, let me know what you think, and if I've missed any April, 2018 releases that I DEFINITELY need to have, please tell me in the comments! And of course, each cover is >clickable< so you can find out more or pick a copy up! This is in my TBR for this month!

A captivating novel about two extraordinary teens, and the unsolvable problem of life after high school. Sophia is smart, like genius-calculator-brain smart. But there are some things no amount of genius can prepare you for, and the messiness of real life is one of them. When everything she knows is falling apart, how can she crack the puzzle of what to do with her life? Joshua spends his time honing magic tricks and planning how to win Sophia’s heart. But when your best trick is making schoolwork disappear, how do you possibly romance a genius? In life and love, timing is everything. Published April 1st 2018 by Peachtree Publishers

I mean... everyone's buzzing about this.

Jane McKeene was born two days before the dead began to walk the battlefields of Gettysburg and Chancellorsville—derailing the War Between the States and changing America forever. In this new nation, safety for all depends on the work of a few, and laws like the Native and Negro Reeducation Act require certain children attend combat schools to learn to put down the dead. But there are also opportunities—and Jane is studying to become an Attendant, trained in both weaponry and etiquette to protect the well-to-do. It’s a chance for a better life for Negro girls like Jane. After all, not even being the daughter of a wealthy white Southern woman could save her from society’s expectations. But that’s not a life Jane wants. Almost finished with her education at Miss Preston’s School of Combat in Baltimore, Jane is set on returning to her Kentucky home and doesn’t pay much mind to the politics of the eastern cities, with their talk of returning America to the glory of its days before the dead rose. But when families around Baltimore County begin to go missing, Jane is caught in the middle of a conspiracy, one that finds her in a desperate fight for her life against some powerful enemies. And the restless dead, it would seem, are the least of her problems. Published April 3rd 2018 by Balzer + Bray

I was a big fan of McCarthy's You Were Here.

Fandom and first love collide for Iris on the film set for her grandmother’s famous high-fantasy triology—perfect for readers of Fangirl! Unlike the rest of the world, Iris doesn't care about the famous high-fantasy Elementia books written by M. E. Thorne. So it's just a little annoying that M. E. Thorne is her grandmother—and that Iris has to deal with the trilogy's crazy fans. When Iris gets dropped in Ireland for the movie adaptation, she sees her opportunity: if she can shut down production, the Elementia craze won't grow any bigger, and she can finally have a normal life. Not even the rascally-cute actor Eamon O'Brien can get in her way. But the crew's passion is contagious, and as Iris begins to find herself in the very world she has avoided her whole life, she realizes that this movie might just be amazing… Published April 3rd 2018 by Sourcebooks Fire

*tries not to want book solely based on cover* *fails* *reads synopsis and still wants book, is happy* *realizes book is only in AUS, is sad*

Two very different girls, and one giant hoax that could change – or ruin – everything. Harriet Price has the perfect life: she's a prefect at Rosemead Grammar, she lives in a mansion, and her gorgeous girlfriend is a future prime minister. So when she risks it all by creating a hoax to expose the school's many problems – with help from notorious bad-girl Will Everheart, no less – Harriet tells herself it's because she's seeking justice. And definitely not because she finds Will oddly fascinating. But as Will and Harriet's campaign heats up, it gets harder for them to remain sworn enemies – and to avoid being caught. As tensions burn throughout the school, how far will they go to keep their mission – and their feelings for each other – a secret? Published April 2nd 2018 by Hardie Grant Egmont

I don't know that I've ever come across a more unique-sounding book.

In an alternate reality a lot like our world, every person’s physical size is directly proportional to their wealth. The poorest of the poor are the size of rats, and billionaires are the size of skyscrapers. Warner and his sister Prayer are destitute—and tiny. Their size is not just demeaning, but dangerous: day and night they face mortal dangers that bigger richer people don’t ever have to think about, from being mauled by cats to their house getting stepped on. There are no cars or phones built small enough for them, or schools or hospitals, for that matter—there’s no point, when no one that little has any purchasing power, and when salaried doctors and teachers would never fit in buildings so small. Warner and Prayer know their only hope is to scale up, but how can two littlepoors survive in a world built against them? A brilliant, warm, funny trip, unlike anything else out there, and a social novel for our time in the tradition of 1984 or Invisible Man. Inequality is made intensely visceral by an adventure and tragedy both hilarious and heartbreaking. Published April 3rd 2018 by Amulet Books

Welp. I need it.

The ancient land of Éirinn is mired in war. Ciara, Princess of Mide, has never known a time when Éirinn’s kingdoms were not battling for power, or Northmen were not plundering their shores. The people of Mide have thankfully always been safe because of Ciara’s unearthly ability to control her enemies’ minds and actions. But lately, a mysterious crow has been appearing to Ciara, whispering warnings of an even darker threat. Although her clansmen dismiss her visions as pagan nonsense, Ciara fears this coming evil will destroy not just Éirinn, but the entire world. Then the crow leads Ciara to Leif, a young Northman leader. Leif should be Ciara’s enemy, but when Ciara discovers that he, too, shares her prophetic visions, she knows he’s something more. Leif is mounting an impressive army, and with Ciara’s strength in battle the two might have a chance to save their world. With evil rising around them, they’ll do what it takes to defend the land they love…even if it means making the greatest sacrifice of all. Published April 10th 2018 by HarperTeen

Sometimes I just really crave romances that are fraught with tension and obstacles and SO MUCH HEADBUTTING.

A teen werewolf finally meets her destined soulmate only to discover that he's not quite what she expected in this steamy debut romance. She's met her mate . . . and he's met his match. Megan Ross has been waiting her whole life for her mate to come and sweep her off her feet. But the wolf she meets on the beach is NOT the sweet gentle boy she's been dreaming of. Instead, he's a warrior, one whose suffering has led him to lock his heart away in a prison as cold and hard as a diamond, who fights to resist the bond and their deep sexual attraction. Far from home, with a soulmate who is still a stranger, Megan learns that the path to true love isn't quite as straight and easy as she thought . . . Published April 10th 2018 by Swoon Reads

Spare, windswept, western -- these words didn't make it into my buzzwords list. But they should have.

Ten years ago, a horrifying disease began spreading across the West Texas desert. Infected people—shakes—attacked the living and created havoc and destruction. No one has ever survived the infection. Daisy Wilcox, known as Willie, has been protecting her siblings within the relatively safe walls of Glory, Texas. When Willie’s good-for-nothing father steals a fortune from one of the most dangerous shake-hunters in town, she finds herself on the hook for his debt. With two hunters, including the gruff and handsome Ben, to accompany her, she sets out across the desert in search of her father. But the desert is not kind to travelers, and not everyone will pass through alive. Western meets horror for this riveting story about survival, family, and inner strength. Tense, short chapters propel readers from one action-packed scene to the next, while Willie’s distinctive, introspective voice deepens the emotional stakes with every turn of the page. High concept and character-driven, Emma Berquist’s debut will satisfy fans of The Magnificent Seven, Rae Carson’s Walk on Earth a Stranger, and HBO’s Westworld. Published April 10th 2018 by Greenwillow

Psst! You can enter to win this!

Fourteen-year-old Avery Armisted is athletic, rich, and pretty. Sixteen-year-old Kayla Butts is known as “butt-girl” at school. The two girls were friends as little kids, but that’s ancient history now. So it’s a huge surprise when Avery’s father offers to bring Kayla along on a summer trip to Spain. Avery is horrified that her father thinks he can choose her friends—and make her miss soccer camp. Kayla struggles just to imagine leaving the confines of her small town. But in Spain, the two uncover a secret their families had hidden from both of them their entire lives. Maybe the girls can put aside their differences and work through it together. Or maybe the lies and betrayal will only push them—and their families—farther apart. Published April 10th 2018 by Simon Schuster Books for Young Readers

I am just so. damn. fascinated. by everything about this.

How do you live after death? Julie Nolan is a pretty average girl with pretty average problems. She’s been in love with her best friend, Lorelei, ever since they met in grade three. Only Lorelei doesn’t know about it — she’s too busy trying to set Julie up with Henry, her ex, who Julie finds, in a word, vapid. But life gets more complicated when Julie comes home to find her mother insisting that her heart is gone. Pretty soon it becomes clear: Julie’s mom believes that she has died. How is Julie supposed to navigate her first year of high school now, while she’s making midnight trips to the graveyard to cover her mother with dirt, lay flowers and make up eulogies? And why is Henry the only person Julie feels comfortable turning to? If she wants to get through this, Julie’s going to have to find the strength she never knew she had, and to learn how to listen to both her mom’s heart and her own. Published April 10th 2018 by HarperCollins

Again, love the cover, only in AUS. =/

Kit Learmonth would rather die than grow up and leave Neverland … When she was twelve, Kit Learmonth watched her parents drown in a storm as their boat sailed over the Tranter Sink Hole. Now seventeen, Kit doesn’t remember the incident, and she doesn’t want to. In fact, her only clear memories from before her parents’ death are of the fantastical stories of pirates and mermaids that she and her dad invented about the small island where she grew up, a place she calls Neverland. Following Kit’s parents’ deaths, her uncle and guardian, Doc, transformed the island into a boarding school for mentally ill teenagers and sent Kit away to school on the mainland. But when Kit tries and fails to end her life, Doc brings her home to the island and places her in the care of his colleague, Dr Hannah Ward. Resisting her treatment, Kit instead pulls her friends deeper into her world of make-believe. It’s only when Kit and her new boyfriend, Rohan, take the fantasy too far and land themselves in very real danger that her faith in Neverland is shaken, and Kit must find a way back to reality. Published April 1st 2018 by Penguin Random House Australia

Am I the only one getting serious dark fairy tale retelling vibes from this?

Theodosia was six when her country was invaded and her mother, the Queen of Flame and Fury, was murdered before her eyes. Ten years later, Theo has learned to survive under the relentless abuse of the Kaiser and his court as the ridiculed “Ash Princess.” Pretending to be empty-headed and naive when she's not enduring brutal whippings, she pushes down all other thoughts but one: Keep the Kaiser happy and he will keep you safe. When the Kaiser forces her to execute her last hope of rescue, Theo can't keep her feelings and memories pushed down any longer. She vows revenge, throwing herself into a plot to seduce and murder the Kaiser's warrior son with the help of a group of magically gifted and volatile rebels. But Theo doesn't expect to develop feelings for the Prinz. Or for her rebel allies to challenge her friendship with the one person who's been kind to her throughout the last hopeless decade: her heart's sister, Cress. Cornered into impossible choices and unable to trust even those who are on her side, Theo will have to decide how far she's willing to go to save her people and how much of herself she's willing to sacrifice to become queen. Expected publication: April 24th 2018 by Delacorte Books for Young Readers

Did I miss anything amazing? Or is there a book coming up in the next few months that you're dying for? Let me know in the comments! via The Book Rat

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