#i read the script + deleted scenes for the first movie and GOD IT WAS SO GOOD

[wayward-sherlock]

wayli i’m so glad you returned just to blog about deadpool & wolverine. god-tier movie fr🫡 (missed u btw🫶🏻)

HAVEN ILYSM thank u yes i just saw this movie with my dad and it was SO GOOD i have been patiently waiting to watch it since it came out (i was on vacation until this past friday) but it was so worth the wait GAH. agree god tier🫡

(also i missed u too 🥹💗)

[ponett]

I have now finally seen the Mario movie. It was Pretty Good. Here are my wordy thoughts on it. (I am going to spoil the entire movie. Duh.)

In many ways, the Mario movie does what I wish the first Sonic movie had done. They just took the characters and the premise and the world from the games, and made it a straightforward animated adventure movie. It's bright and colorful and remixes things JUST enough to include fun elements from multiple games, and it doesn't make Mario get adopted by James Marsden or whatever. It even has the music!

That's all you really need, right? Right...?

I'll get this out of the way up front. Chris Pratt was fine. He's fine

If anything, it really feels like they did the movie a disservice by letting us hear so little of the Mario voice in the previews. It took one scene for Pratt to disappear into the role for me. It was totally fine. If anything, I found Charlie Day's normal voice coming out of Luigi WAY more distracting, even if I did like him in the role.

Everyone else was pretty good, for the most part. Jack Black was obviously very good as Bowser, but I'm biased. Seth Rogen does the Seth Rogen laughs as Donkey Kong, but I thought DK was fun, too. (I liked his little rivalry with Mario where he was just constantly giving him shit.) The only casting choice I truly hated was Fred Armisen as Cranky Kong. I hated every line that came out of his mouth. He sounds atrocious. Just the worst. I swear to fucking god if they do a DKC movie and we have to hear him for 90 minutes

I did think Peach was lacking, but that was on the script, not Anya Taylor-Joy's performance. It's cool to see Peach fight, but it's one of those all too common instances where the writers put so much effort into making the main girl kick ass and be an effortlessly confident girlboss that they forgot to give her an actual personality. Not that I'd point to Super Princess Peach and its mood swing superpowers as positive representation or anything, but there's a happy middle ground, surely. Shrek was 22 years ago, just having the princess do flying kung fu kicks isn't enough.

Okay. With the voices out of the way, let's talk about the big picture:

It's way better than the words "Illumination Mario movie" implied, and I mostly enjoyed my time with it. The spirit of Mario is there 100%. But I'd also describe it as "ruthlessly efficient."

This was perhaps the main complaint critics had, and they were absolutely right. People have responded to these totally average reviews with "Well, what did you expect? Shakespeare?! It's MARIO!!" Like, yes, I would prefer it if the movie I paid to see had writing that was good instead of bad. What a shocker. My issue isn't that it's not "high-brow" enough. The problem is that it feels mercenary. It feels like an editor went through and deleted almost every line of dialogue that isn't some form of exposition, at the expense of the pacing. Any scene that's not a montage or some sort of action is kept as short as they could make it, with barely any room for embellishment, character interaction, or anything other than the bare minimum word count to hit all the typical Save the Cat Hollywood screenwriting 101 story beats to the letter. There aren't even as many jokes as you might think (and the ones that are there are extremely hit or miss, including a lot of the slapstick with Mario himself).

Mario and Peach's little arc together in the front half of the film is probably the worst example of this pacing. Even having read reviews that complained about how fast Peach goes from meeting Mario (by her admission the first other human she's ever met) to deciding to train him as the new savior of the Mushroom Kingdom, I was SHOCKED at how fast it was. They don't even lampshade it.

Peach takes Mario straight into the big training sequence where he learns how to use mushrooms and jump over platforming obstacles. Peach is apparently already a hypercompetent platforming pro and a great fighter, so there's no clear reason why she's taking the time to train this random guy to be half as good as her when the world is in danger. Then they set off on their adventure, Toad joins them, and we get a VERY brief travel montage. It's about thirty seconds total - just long enough to give Peach a line about how she wants to protect this beautiful world of hers to try and give her some stakes. We get the genre-mandated nighttime campfire heart to heart, which is exactly long enough to have Mario say he misses Luigi and to have Peach give the two sentence summary of her origin story and not a second longer. Then they reach the Kongs, and their big journey is complete. (They barely interact for the rest of the movie.) So much of the movie is like this - always ready to get on to the next scene as soon as a new one starts.

I'm not criticizing the script because I expect The Super Mario Bros. Movie to be a prestige drama - although there are certainly halfhearted attempts at a dramatic arc. The stuff with Mario's family was a fun enough idea, but again, ruthless efficiency. We get one quick scene with them at the start to give Mario some pathos, because I guess Save the Cat said he's gotta have some pathos. And then Mario gets his dad's approval amidst the action of the final battle in Brooklyn to resolve his arc, just so the movie can end as quickly as possible once Bowser is defeated. (Despite now having the approval of their family and their community back in Brooklyn, Mario and Luigi move to the Mushroom Kingdom off-screen without a single word dedicated to this decision, because that's where they live in the games.)

Look. I am not comparing it to The Godfather. Don't give me that shit. I am not asking for an extra half hour to explore Mario and Luigi's childhood trauma. I am not asking for the complex inner workings of the Mushroom Kingdom monarchy. I know this is gonna be a basic Hero's Journey adventure for kids. It just feels like it's turning down so many opportunities to have a little fun with the characters, to let them interact and play off of each other, to let there be some adventure on this adventure. This is the first time we've gotten to see these characters interact with fully voiced dialogue in a very, very long time! "Yeah, it's not High Art, but it's FUN!" Stories are fun! Character interactions are fun! The script could be having so much more fun!! It is adamantly against making the Story parts of this story-driven movie any more Fun than they functionally need to be!!!

Mario, Peach, and Toad's journey to find the Kongs is shorter than the training montage that precedes it. After the opening, Bowser mostly just sits in his castle and waits for the third act to start. Luigi's there, too, but he only gets one scene with Bowser and then the movie mostly forgets he exists until the climax. He doesn't even get to try and sneak out of Bowser's castle and get up to hijinx. He's just there to be a motivation for Mario, so he sits in a cage for half the movie. It's the bare outline of a script with action scenes added in.

Aside from the fact that it's Jack Black singing as Bowser, I feel like this overly-efficient script might be part of the reason why the "Peaches" scene stands out so much. It's a moment that didn't strictly need to be there to keep the plot moving or to provide an action setpiece. It's not even a reference to another Mario thing. It's just a fun and memorable little character moment that's there for its own sake. That's what the movie needed more of. To stop and smell the roses more often. To play in the space.

To be clear, this isn't a unique problem with this movie. Critics have been noting for years that second acts are disappearing from big Hollywood movies in favor of the Act I plot setup and the Act III action, even though Act II is supposed to be where you get to explore your actual premise. And lots of animated movies give me this exact same vibe of being too "screenwriterly," or feeling like they had an executive breathing down their necks and demanding changes based on focus testing. But these common issues are why I come away mostly feeling like the movie is on the better end of "average," rather than totally blowing my mind. You have seen this movie many times before, just not with Mario in it.

And, of course, there's the music. The score by Brian Tyler based on various classic Mario and Donkey Kong tunes (frustratingly all attributed to Koji Kondo) is absolutely beautiful, but it's unfortunately frequently overshadowed by the licensed music. Everyone already complained about things like the use of Take On Me in place of a lovingly arranged DKC medley, but it feels illustrative of the tug of war the movie is caught in the middle of, between wanting to be a lavishly faithful Mario movie and wanting to be a generic tentpole animated adventure movie. Every single licensed song used is the most obvious, overused song they could have picked for the scene. It reeks of cynical executive meddling and it took me out of the movie every time.

But there really was a lot of care and love put into this movie - more than probably any other video game movie ever made, not that that's a high bar. I don't want to underplay that too much amidst all my complaints spurred by the absolutely insane response to the reviews.

Aside from the countless background references that people will be picking apart for years, touches like the Captain Toad tune playing in the background of Toad's introduction or the Mario Kart 8 menu music playing in the kart garage really help bring it to another level of authenticity. I also enjoyed seeing some more obscure Mario enemies that felt like they were picked more for being fun to animate than for being nostalgic and marketable. No matter how many times I sarcastically pointed to the screen and deadpanned "reference. reference." I am not immune to noticing these things and smiling. I am not immune to the DK Rap. These alone don't make the movie good, but it's nice to have a video game movie that feels like it was made by people who like video games.

Most importantly, the animation is great throughout. It's leaps and bounds ahead of other Illumination work, and it's the best the Mario cast has ever looked. They even made Donkey Kong handsome, somehow. They're all so squishy and expressive, and they move so fluidly - especially in the action scenes. I particularly liked the more kinetic ones like the aerial Banzai Bill chase and the Mario Kart sequence. Truly, the Mad Max-inspired car battle on Rainbow Road where Mario literally does the speedrun shortcut is this movie firing on all cylinders.

Other, more hand-to-hand fights nail the Popeye-esque vibe Mario should be going for. He's an underdog who gets the shit kicked out of him by bigger, stronger opponents until he gets his signature powerup and turns the tables on them. My favorite animation of all probably came from the use of Cat Mario to turn the tide in the DK fight. They had so much fun making Mario move like a cat. Again, it feels like a choice made because it'd be fun to animate rather than just a nostalgia move.

It's that animation and that attention to detail that carry the film, really. They elevate it from mediocrity into being a fun watch for a fan like me, albeit one I couldn't help but pick apart with Anthony as we watched it at home. I'm glad I saw it, but there's a lot of room to improve with the inevitable sequel. I hope they do. I can't deny that I had fun with the movie, but I hope next time that fun is partially because of the script instead of in spite of it.

Stray thoughts:

Overall, I would say I enjoyed the movie a lot more than Sonic 1, but probably not as much as Sonic 2. Not that these movies need to be pitted against each other.

I hated the Luma. I hated how hilarious they clearly thought the Luma was. They have the fucking Luma break the fourth wall to end the movie and start the credits. This is going to be a deep cut for fans of bad animated films, but the whole time I was just thinking of the little fish from Romeo & Juliet: Sealed With A Kiss who's just the director's kid saying random nonsense. You know I'm right

I rolled my eyes at the "our princess is in another castle" joke and several other jokes that would have been dated in a gamer webcomic 20 years ago but I guess they had to be there

How much of Brooklyn did Bowser's giant floating castle take out? We know 9/11 happened in this universe because the Freedom Tower is there, hasn't New York been through enough

I can't believe there's a Diskun easter egg

The dog is the most Illumination character design in the movie. It felt like it wandered on set from The Secret Life of Pets

Mario being a gamer and playing Kid Icarus of all things just made me remember this tweet:

Yes Anthony did get mad at me for being thirsty for Bowser

[sandraharissa]

So I haven’t been in this fandom for YEARS but I just came across smth that always bugged me so ig I’m venting.

So the fandom has always been very critical of Odin but I always found it to be to a fault. I’ll generally see very exaggerated, not canonically supported takes on Odin that paint everything he ever did in the worst light possible. To the point where it’s just extremely boring to me. Odin being pure evil is infinitely less interesting than him being gray flawed-but-loving parent. Now I realise a huge chunk of the fandom would love a ‘Loki realizes Odin will never love him and gets over him’ narrative but I find it 1) personally extremely emotionally unsatisfying 2) waaaaay beyond a story that could ever be handled well and with enough nuance by the mcu 3) a bit too not complaint with the first movie and in general with the framing in all of these movies to truly stick the landing.

For example, ppl would often try to turn the information that was stated in canon that ‘Loki got adopted’ into ‘Loki got kidnapped’. The problem with that is that it’s solely based on headcanon. From a Watsonian perspective you can try to argue that Odin could be lying but from a Doylist perspective this is the only time we’re given information on that matter, and if the truth on such a crucial aspect of the story was different then it’d be extremely important to reveal the real truth to the audience at some point, but the writers never do that. Actually there’s a deleted scene found in the script where Loki reveals to Laufey that he’s his son, where Laufey explicitly agrees that he abandoned Loki, calls him weak and ‘a bastard son’. Now this is a deleted scene so it’s not canon, ig we could say it’s soft canon, but either way it gives us insight into the writers’ original intent behind writing the whole script including the vault scene and it presents the more fleshed out version of the story, where such a crucial information as Loki’s origin is indeed double-checked by Loki with the ‘original source’.

Next matter, the writers never thought through the story nearly as much as the fans do. The worldbuilding, history and lore of this world are next to non-existent. We don’t know anything about the Jotun culture, so who knows maybe leaving someone of royal blood in a temple was done for their own protection or maybe it was a sacrifice to their gods or smth, or maybe it has no meaning at all and he was simply left behind anywhere when others were fleeing. Similarly we don’t know anything about Asgardian customs so maybe the party at the end of the movie was smth disrespectful toward Loki’s recent presumed death or maybe it was exactly how they do it. We’re just left to either take the framing at face value even tho the framing is sometimes noticeably faulty or come up with headcanons.

And speaking of that party scene, along with weird assumptions about Asgardian culture I’ve also seen weird reading of Odin’s behavior. Now Anthony Hopkins clearly never cared about this role and in most scenes he barely even moves so I know that probs doesn’t help the perception that Odin the character doesn’t care about what’s happening around him, but we also do get some things out of him like this:

He's shown alone and isolated from the rest, staring blankly at the Bifrost where everybody thinks Loki died and it seems he can barely speak, but that somehow translates into ultimate proof that he’s happy/indifferent that Loki is gone, like ??? Absolutely bizarre takes. I would often see ppl scrutinize Odin’s behavior like this like they’re body language/human behavior “experts” or whatever, as tho it’s not the case that all the characters often appear to be underacting/underreacting when intercut with Loki’s drastic and often very realistic looking displays of emotion. And even with that in mind there’s always enough obvious cinematic language used in those scenes that you can clearly tell the authorial intent. Like you’d think somber music and sad faces and staying away from the party, in contrast to all the partying guests, would make it clear enough that Loki’s family is mourning. But ig they’re not mourning visibly enough for some ppl’s liking.

There’s more scenes like that that really convey the love between all the different family members, but then we also get these confusing scenes like ‘your birthright was to die’ or ‘am I not your mother’ or ‘That hope no longer exists to protect you. You betray me and I will kill you.’ that just kinda happen but then nothing ever gets explained or resolved. Unfortunately it’s likely the writers just think there’s nothing wrong with this kind of behavior and that the characters were justified/right in saying those things. So the fandom’s stuck not being able to just ignore the worst of it, and for me also not being able to ignore all the framing and writing that conveys real love within the family that I want to root for.

In broader strokes I would say the first movie is the most defining for the franchise and the characters and that’s the one that has me rooting for Odin and Loki’s relationship. Then came TDW and it was the real beginning of the end, not TR. This movie was the first that tried to simply sweep under the rug all the interesting drama the previous movies built. They find a way to get rid of Frigga, they get rid of Odin and rush his arc to its end (originally with no intention to bring him back ever again, according to interviews) and they also tried to get rid of Loki for good and rush his arc to its end. Leaving Thor free from having to deal with all the family drama ever again that ig powers that be decided no one wanted to see, until changes were made. With the third movie continuing to axe everything that’s left from the Thor franchise and continuing the task of writing out Thor’s family members, bringing Odin and Loki back, giving them both more flattering conclusions and then killing them off again. And what a pity cos the bones for great arcs for these characters are all there. If only there was a single cohesive vision for the franchise that allowed for continuous cohesive arcs throughout the trilogy.

Anyway, ig I still had some mourning to do for all that development that never happened and that at this point we’re way beyond ever getting.

[the-sun-princess]

Emi Plays Revue Starlight: El Dorado Part 6

an now. back to kaoruko n maya nonsense

ok claudine u were the devil in the movie right before this

i mean they just statin things with the same first chara of their names but still skjdhf. kjsdhf oh i guess kaoruko doled out the things

going back for the others now

these are all apparently ""senka-ryu vocal warmups""

she gave karen n claudine pretty nice ones, nana and futaba fitting ones, and started getting kinda lazy with mahiru and maya. til junna's was just about food.

junna says this with so much passion akdjfh

a good question tho junna. esp since senka-ryu is a dance school. idk how much vocal warmups they actually do

thanks futaba

uh huh. bullying junna scene it is

oh this is new, judy n amemiya and masai are talkin the script over a lot more. i. dont remember what happened here in the karen jun story akjhskjdhf

i cant take that line seriously. can only think of majora's mask man

judy's quite the bean tbh

hehehheheheh

dang foreign blondies are all so meddling lmao

she says that THEN LEAVES KJAHDF oh jesus i almost deleted this entire post thank god it saved as a draft

aw kaoruko gave her one too

i'm actually surprised amemiya doesn't have a problem with it

alright well i'm glad i read amemiya right. then they just do a buncha "..." trading lmao until

snort

girl can you BE any gayer. just from saying her given name ksjhfkjsdhf it's not like u kissed her

ah stageplay time

......oh there's been a log this whole time i could have been reducing my screenshots by quite a bit lol woops

i do Not care about judy's thoughts on maya akjdhf

lol

oh a relive references. rip relive. i hate that they wont give us the peter pan event before u die

lmao futaba is all wound up and antsy after kaoruko flies off the stage to the intermission. she IS kaorukos #1 fangirl, after all

snort

there's my image limit TO PART 7

<<part 5 part 7>>

[ingravinoveritas]

No, but you guys don't understand! I just read that last ask and oh my god, I don't know if you're aware of this (although you can probably tell from those red carpet pictures alone) but Marc Wootton was all over David Tennant when they did Nativity. And he was just free to fuck around because this movie was all improvisation with no script and I don't know how many times he just randomly hugged and/or kissed the poor man. I don't think David, being David, minded terribly, but it still made me a little uncomfortable back then (in this video are just a few examples) and I don't doubt for a single second that he feels much safer with Michael, in many ways and that he'd never (have to) tell him to get his hands off. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ He's ALWAYS been someone who apparently loves a kiss and a cuddle and whom co-stars love to get all touchy with (who wouldn't), but how he seemingly allows himself to melt into Michael is different.

Hey, Anon! I think I actually have seen some of those outtakes/deleted scenes from Nativity, but some of them in that video you linked to were new to me, so thank you for sending that along.

While I have no doubt that David was okay with Marc’s “handsy”ness--since, as you said, he’s always seemed to cuddle and be tactile with co-stars, being the adorable, cheeky little attention whore that he is--it’s a little jarring to see how Marc really was all over David in that movie/on the red carpet. And I agree with you that with Michael, it’s completely different. For me, the giveaway once again is in the body language:

These are three touchy-feely pics of David with Benedict Cumberbatch, Marc Wootton, and Michael. But as you mentioned, Anon, in only one of them does David appear to melt into the other person.

I think what really took me aback about the Nativity BTS/outtakes was not only how handsy Marc was with David, but how aggressive he seemed. While Michael never hesitates to be the first to throw out a suggestive comment and literally talks about having sex with David in fanfic at the drop of a hat, he has always respected David’s boundaries. Time and again, we’ve seen Michael look like he can barely restrain himself from wanting to touch or kiss the man, but he never violates those boundaries.

It’s the difference between someone wanting or needing to be all over someone else to prove something versus the relationship between two people being so strong that it’s just there and doesn’t need to be pointed out. It’s why the affection between Michael and David has always seemed so sincere and real to me, because it’s not over-the-top or showy, and because both of them have an uncanny knack for conveying exactly what they feel without saying a word.

So yes, I agree with you that David seems to feel much safer with Michael. It’s not even that I think he felt unsafe with Marc, but there is an implicit understanding between Michael and David where they both always knows how far to go, and when to stop. Maybe it’s an informal agreement that they worked out years ago, but somewhere along the line it became instinctual. Second nature. And now David knows he can count on Michael to be respectful and understanding and protective.

Safe.

Michael is David’s safe place/person, and vice versa. And it’s so lovely to see it...

[of-house-atreides]

This article is breaking my brain

Have you read this article ?

TW: mentions of suicide and also I’m an angry petty bitch

Yes I know this article is from like three weeks ago but I just found it... and I have things to say.

I swear I can’t handle this anymore...

“But today, Loki steps out of his brother’s shadow”... to step in another one. It be the TVA or Sylvie, just... take your pick.

“resuming his role as the God of Mischief” um where? when?

The comedy part is debatable but fine, whatever... I must have missed the noir crime-thriller bit maybe it was between two scenes of Loki getting his ass kicked by literally everyone in this show.

Yeah you forgot that end-credit scene showing Loki alive and well in IW/Endgame.

And no, alternate/variant Loki doesn’t count, he’s not the same person/character.

Because of course when you think of Loki you instantly think his story should take place in a “bureaucratic nightmare” -

And why not hire competent experienced people for Multiverse of Madness and Loki? Is this Marvel’s way of telling us they don’t really care about these projects?

Kevin really said “no experienced writers on this project, let’s just hire whoever” - or maybe it’s a budget thing? Less experience means less zeros on the pay checks?

Wow, ok.

So not a fan of the movies nor a fan of the character, just a fan of the genre, that explains a lot...

“what was really important to me was stripping away all the fantastical elements” ... ?? I’m sorry?? What?? So removing all the fantastical elements from a show titled after who is supposed to be the main character who is a GOD and a prince from another realm/planet was what was important?? The Trickster God of Mischief, magic wielder, master of illusions NEEDED to be stripped from his FANTASTICAL ELEMENTS???

ffs

“find the heart of this story” - is the heart of this story Loki becoming best friends with his (mental and physical) torturer after what? 2 days? Was it falling in love with the ‘superior’ version of himself after only 13 hours together? I’m still looking for the heart of this story.

“what is the relatable message at the center?” - well apparently it’s ‘you can be a God and a warrior with magical powers but still get your ass kicked by literally everyone all the time and never use your strength and skills to fight back’. Or it’s the power of love, idk -

Oh wait, is it falling in love with the female version of himself? For a weird ‘love yourself’ metaphor? That must be it.

Or maybe it’s jet skis.

Ah yes, the ‘you can be good, actually’ message of this series that is so subtly presented to us...

They really missed the whole fucking point of Loki.

They missed it so bad they made him call himself a narcissist (which he isn’t btw).

For the record, Loki is a prince of Asgard who learnt one day he was adopted and in fact taken from one of Asgard’s worst enemies, the King of the Jotuns, aka Frost Giants “the monsters parents tell their children about at night”. He found out he was not only adopted but also abducted and not out of love. He feels not only betrayed but he thinks he understands now why Odin always favoured Thor and why he’d never have the same love from Odin that Thor has had his whole life. He thinks of himself as a monster and wants to be worthy of Odin’s love. So he tries to get it. And sure, he doesn’t do it in the best way, and yes, he is the villain of that story. But Loki isn’t a villain. He doesn’t like to make people suffer, he did it out of pain, out of hurt. The events in Avengers was after he was thoroughly tortured and coerced by Thanos to invade Earth. There is even a moment in the end when Thor asks him if he thinks this ‘madness would stop under his rule’ (or something along those lines) and he looks unsure and regretful. But due to the fear of Thanos and insecurity about himself (love is weakness or whatever) he keeps going. He redeems himself in Dark World, again in Ragnarok and yet again in IW and he was thrown in the trash for it.

Yes, Loki’s story is complex, but it really isn’t that complex... So maybe Loki is a “scared little boy” but his way of acting out makes sense and there’s a legitimate reason for it that was not explored in the show. And his backstory is probably what she called the “bells and the whistles”... 

“we literally delete his universe” - and apparently you deleted his personality too

“it’s a story of reinvention ... can Loki find goodness in himself?” - again, you’re missing the point. Loki is insecure, but not about his ability to do what’s right, but about whether or not he is worthy of love! Finding goodness within himself comes AFTER!

“Loki’s journey, to me, is really about acceptance of himself” - several questions here, um, first, what about himself does he need to accept? That he’s a Jotun? The show never mentions it. That he’s done bad shit and should forgive himself for it? Give him a reason to. Self-love doesn’t come after being mentally and physically tortured by some guy who acts like he’s your best friend after 2 days of working together and being yelled out that “he can be anyone he wants, even something good”.

Show, don’t tell, isn’t that the point of your job?? The job you begged for??

Loki’s journey should have been about self-love and no, falling in love with the female version of yourself (who keeps saying they have nothing in common (because they don’t!)) doesn’t count!

“a more mature and darker path” ...

well this is interesting... was making Loki a clown and the butt of every joke part of making the show mature and dark? Were the terrible attempts at humour? Him being beaten up every two seconds? Having him say lines he’d never say in a million years just to be funny but since it’s out of character for him it fails completely? Was making him incompetent and a complete idiot part of that attempt of making the show mature and dark?

Is that why there’s no magic? You cut off the magician so your show would be more “mature and dark”?

Having him cry every episode doesn’t make your show mature and dark.

Loki from Thor, Avengers, the Dark World and even IW is mature and dark. Your Loki from your series is just a pathetic clown.

“don’t give viewers the story they are expecting” - I personally wasn’t expecting any story, I just wanted Loki, you know, in this Loki series, supposedly all about Loki, and you guys couldn’t even do that.

So this is the author of the article speaking here, I’m guessing, and I think they’re giving a summary of the show so far, so let’s break this down:

“This is Loki as we’ve never seen him before” - I 100% agree -

“Stripped of his self-proclaimed majesty” - ok, first of all, Loki is a prince, that’s a fact, he didn’t make that up, and for the few years he was King of Asgard disguised as Odin, he seemingly did a great job, so...

“but with his ego still intact” - ah, yes, his ego, you know, because he’s such a narcissist... oh wait -

yes he has an ego, but he has a regal one, not misplaced entirely either - his ego in the show is basically him underestimating the TVA and Mobius (as well as the Time Keepers) - his ego is him getting offended by the variant: the ‘superior Loki’ - his ego in the show is used as a weapon to humiliate and belittle him.

“he faces consequences he never thought could happen to such a supreme being as himself” - he literally tried to k*ll himself in the first Thor - literally a result of his own actions - when he returned to Asgard in Dark World, he didn’t try to pretend he hadn’t fucked up. He didn’t try to hide what he had done (he tries to deny to Mobius in episode 2 that he was manipulating them at the fair) - he sacrifices himself in IW... but sure, Loki from the series is indeed surprised that he is powerless (even when he doesn’t need to/shouldn’t be)

“there is a lot of humour ... he is taken down a few pegs by the TVA” ... he is humiliated by the TVA - definitely not what we were expecting, I’ll give you that.

“sentenced to a lifetime of bureaucracy” - definitely did not expect that either

and here comes my favorite quote: “it’s a sad Loki without any mischief”

yes - yes - yes

that is a good summary of this goddamn show, a sad, pathetic, powerless Loki without any personality 

“fallen God” - yeah that’s definitely not what I was expecting either from the Loki series so good job on subverting expectations I guess...

“who is going to win out in this match between them?”

there is no match - Loki is powerless - he’s been turned into a pathetic docile harmless wet dog - Mobius literally mentally (episode 1 and 4) and physically (episode 4) tortures him, both time in an attempt to have Loki do his bidding - Loki is the dog and Mobius is the master - even when Loki ‘tries’ to manipulate him it fails because he’s underestimating them (by overestimating himself) - he uses obvious techniques to manipulate the TVA (episode 2) and nobody buys it because it’s not subtle at all! Loki is smarter than that, he is a TRICKSTER GOD FFS!

“there is an interesting dynamic between them that maybe you haven’t seen with Loki in the Marvel movies” - yeah, maybe there’s a reason for that... like... he wouldn’t... submit so easily... he’d be wary, cautious, cunning... he’d be... himself...

Sans déconner ?

It’s like whoever wrote the series didn’t actually know shit about Loki... like that wasn’t fucking obvious...

And those lectures were apparently done after the script was written so... again, no surprise there... we can see that

Well...

“we wanted the show to be imbued with mischief” vs “sad Loki without any mischief” choose your fighter

“Loki has this very sensitive, damaged, broken heart with an enormous capacity to feel emotion on the biggest scale.”

Are surprised that only Tom so far has portrayed and talked about Loki accurately?

“loneliness, sadness, anger and grief and loss”

I love this man.

I do wonder what Mr. Branagh thinks of the show...

I’m of the people who see a vulnerability beneath those layers of charm and playfulness. I love Loki because he’s smart and cunning and regal, and elegant and sophisticated. I love him cause at the end of the day, he just wants to be loved, and he deserves to be loved.

And in the end, the only Loki I can’t stand is the one from the series.

[millennialzadr]

WHY I LOVE ZADR!!!

HEY GUYS WHASSUP? LMAO

So this is a whole ass giant long post of me absolutely spewing my feelings of love for ZADR, it was the very first thing I wrote when I made this blog and I think it’s a nice, positive thing for my fellow shippers to inhale and enjoy 👌👌

it was originally a reply to mitarashiart’s post about why HE loves ZADR (link in replies) but I decided to delete that and make my own post since MY WHOLE ENTIRE TEXT WALL WAS SHOWN IN THE REPLIES and drowned out anyone else who was trying to talk (thanks tumblr mobile u fuckin idiot)

I had also posted a summary of an AU that I’m working on in the original post, but decided to remove it since it just about doubled the length (I’m thinking about posting it separately along with the wips I’ve been putting together, we’ll see 👀)

But ANYWAY, here is about a million reasons why I think ZADR is the fucking best, so if you like reading gushy gay ship feelings, please enjoy ❤️❤️❤️

[Posted June 2019][WARNING, LONG ASS THOUGHT BARF]

SOOO, holy hell y’all my journey back into this fandom has been a wild and unique experience for me, i went from adding invader zim to my bookmarks on kisscartoon, rewatching the series, finding out theres a movie coming out, finding out there was a shitload of content i’d never seen before (commentaries, lost episode scripts and audios, panels, the COMIC, episodes i’d never seen because the dvd i used to watch was scratched!! and a FUCKLOAD of quality modern fan art like oh my GOD) and finally curiously googling ‘zadr’ (which i was way into when i was maybeee 13/14) to see if there was any interesting new art, and holy hell, mita (the artist above) singlehandedly THREW me down the hole into modern zadr hell, first with his absolutely stunning IZ art (all his art is dope tho check him out yo), then reading the above explanation put the final nail in the coffin like, 100%

so i wanted to add onto his post here on why this ship got me so fucked up, both for anyone who might be wondering why on earth i’m shipping two characters from a kid’s show (i’m very aware how weird that is at first glance trust me) and also so i can get some ideas down for possible future reference (will i ever draw them? maybe)

(first of all, a disclaimer, and this is not pleasant to write but it’s important to address for clarity’s sake: I have no interest in romantic or sexual relationships between minors, and do not ship zim and dib as they are presented canonically in the show (as children). what i’m interested in is the conceptualized relationship they may have as modern adults, and i view zadr more as taking the concepts of existing characters and experimenting with them with different interpretations, which i personally think is a constructive and fun creative outlet, especially if these characters hold personal significance for you (childhood faves of course). growing up together is an important facet of their relationship, and certainly they were important to each other even as children (see: mopiness of doom) but as an adult i’m personally curious about what kind of adults they might’ve become, and that’s the focus of my interest. i’ll still be reblogging regular IZ art because it’s dope but if you see shippy looking art of them as tiny lil beans its either friendship or chibis (and i personally headcanon zim as getting taller with dib but some people stick with his canonical height when drawing them as adults, which is super short. it still doesn’t mean he’s a kid). aaand i wish i didnt have to write this and it would just be obvious but we live in a sick sad world and it is sourced from a children’s cartoon so i feel its necessary. end of disclaimer)

NOW THAT THAT’S OUT OF THE WAY

- ok, first reason’s a bit obvious - the nostalgia. holy hell, the feeling of rediscovering a ship that was popular when i was a preteen during the mid 2000s and discovering a totally new perspective on it as an adult comes with an almost totally overwhelming sense of nostalgia and comfort, as well as inspiration!! the kind of art that seems so common for zadr, these sketch pages of scenes and expressions and visual gags where artists would just scribble every idea they had and LOVE doing it, this was exactly the kind of art that made me so passionate about drawing as a kid, and it still sparks such a powerful feeling of love and admiration for me to this day. fan content of iz and zadr is simultaneously achingly familiar and totally new and fascinating, and it just makes me SO damn happy to consume, it is most definitely my new comfort content. and just, GOD. THE ART!! SO GOOD. FUCK

- now for the characters themselves: for some reason i just really love the thought of a mid twenties, modern Dib?? lanky goth dork, disaster bi, depressed as shit, uses bad sweaters and memes to cope?? when i was a kid i didn’t even LIKE Dib, but now i totally sympathize with him! he’s just a hyper obsessive nerd wishing there was more to life than the situation he got stuck with, how wildly relatable. he was a pretty big asshole as a kid (even to people besides zim) but he was also totally isolated and constantly bullied, so there’s a lot of room for growth. i feel there’s a lot of juicy character development potential for that boy, and there’s always been a special place in my heart for characters who are totally sad and screwed and hopeless, but there’s one thing, or person, that means the world to them and could possibly save them…

- aliens. Zim. i love nonhuman characters, i love monsters, i love aliens, i love characters that don’t understand human shit (and thus have much less room for shame or fear bc theyre just totally oblivious the negatives of modern society) and need guidance (bonding!!) from their human. i also love morally grey characters and characters with skewed logic, they’re always really interesting, and Zim himself just has such a unique personality and set of mannerisms, he contradicts himself a lot and you can never quite expect how he’ll behave, and i love that in a character, it makes them super versatile and fun, especially since there’s so many different possibilities for their development. Also, Zim is a gremlin, a little shit, and a disaster. I also love those traits in a character. And don’t even get me started on his character design?? big sparkly eyes? expressive antennae? monster teeth? complimenting colors? he’s adorable.

- mutual obsession. for someone like Dib, who seems almost repulsed by how boring and slow the people around him are, Zim quite literally personifies Dib’s  escapist fantasies, both as an inhuman entity from beyond the stars, and as a person who’s knowledge, charisma and mystery far exceeds that of anyone Dib has met in his entire life. (so basically what i’m saying is that for a shunned, jaded misanthropist, an actual alien is terribly alluring, even if said alien is dangerous, stupid, and possibly insane). not to mention Zim vindicates Dib’s entire life passion, the supernatural! Even when their relationship is totally negative, there is not a single inch of room for Dib to get tired of Zim. as mita explained, they validate each other. for Zim, WHO AGAIN, IS TOTALLY SHUNNED, ISOLATED, AND HATED BY EVERYONE HE KNOWS, Dib is the only person in the universe who gives a single shit about him!! he gives Zim credit as a threat, a capable invader, which if you ask me is the sole thing Zim is after (he’s hellbent on his mission because it would win him the approval of the tallest, all he’s ever wanted is recognition from the people he thinks so highly of). He literally gets depressed when Dib isn’t around to pay attention to him, not even the tallest were enough to motivate him before Dib came back. these two have no one and nothing without each other, and while lifelong nemeses is fine and dandy, i personally prefer friendship, affection and love, cause i’m a softie like that. how could they possibly get there after years of actively trying to kill each other?? well, i think under just the right circumstances it could become a possibility after a long, long time.

- growth. i. love. me. some. good. character growth. especially for characters with trauma/mental illness, bc again, relatable. these boys have issues, and as mita mentioned, their canon stories are actually INCREDIBLY sad! but the happy thought is, they could recover! they could help each other recover, for little reason other than the two are the only source of happiness for each other. now of course this also opens the gate for angst lovers, but at the same time offers potential for comforting, uplifting content of the boys supporting and inspiring each other, maybe even to the point of becoming happy and healthy enough to create the lives they want for themselves (as in appreciating life and doing things that make them actually happy instead of the delusions of grandeur they both sought when they were younger). gimme that positive shit and let the poor beans be happy  щ(ಠ益ಠщ)

- LITTLE THINGS. LITTLE THINGS THAT ONLY COME WITH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS. WITH HUMAN/NONHUMAN. WITH THE SHOW’S WEIRD LOGIC. Zim being the person Dib knows best and vice versa. Zim having an involuntary respect/admiration for Dib because he’s tall. Learning each other’s needs, limits, and communication methods, both emotionally and biologically. Sensitive antennae. Affectionate bickering. Being less insecure bc your partner literally has no idea why you see your flaws as flaws. Laughing at the flaws they do notice because they make no sense. Zim only wanting to eat waffles and chow mein. Dib being forced to overcome his depression lethargy and stay hygienic/keep the apartment clean because Zim has a sharper sense of smell and is afraid of germs. Endless conversation about anything and everything because they’re from literally different worlds, and endless intrigue. TOUCHING. TALKING. DOING EVERYTHING LIKE ITS THE VERY FIRST TIME AND ALWAYS NEEDING THE OTHER TO GUIDE THEM. HOLY HELL THERE IS SO MUCH POSSIBILITY FOR TINY LITTLE MOMENTS THAT MEAN THE WORLD. FUCK. GOT ME FUCKED UP.

so that wraps up the why. fuck man. its just such a good ship. if you read this big ass text post, thank you for indulging me, i hope you enjoyed it! because i enjoy it very much 👀 so stick around if you’d like to for a shit load of IZ and zadr content on this blog, possibly (MAYBE) even from me!! come roll around in alien hell with me why dontcha ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ its a fun time! thanks for reading!!!

-

SO THAT’S MY MANIFESTO Y’ALL, FEEL FREE TO REPLY WITH YOUR OWN REASONS!! I WOULD LOVE FOR THIS POST TO JUST BECOME A BIG GIANT PILE OF LOVE AND YELLING!! GO NUTS! SCREAM ABOUT IT! INFODUMP! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! I’LL READ EVERY LAST REPLY! Y’ALL DESERVE TO ENJOY YOUR SHIP BC IT’S LITERALLY THE FUCKING BEST!!! LOVE Y’ALL!!!!!!

[mwagneto]

okay, you don't have to answer this, but. script recs?? also, have you ever read a script of a film you haven't seen? is that a good or bad feeling? also, have YOU ever wanted to try scriptwriting?

oh hell yeah (I won't link them because sometimes links break Tumblr and won't let me post the post and if I have to write this again I'll die but googling "[thing name] script" should give you what you want)

Rocketman script obviously, it has all the deleted scenes and a lot of scenes are different and there's some parts that I don't like tbh but some parts are just so fuckdkcksjcjxing good oh my god

NBC hannibal scripts (all three seasons are online), especially the first episode of season one because it has SO much behind the scenes info and all the plans and camera shots and aesthetics are on it I can't explain properly but it's just so good and interesting

The huntsman script was super good??? I'm not really a fan of kingsman (nothing against it I just didn't get the hype) but holy shit the script had me screaming at some parts mostly coz I'm an Elton stannie but still there's so many changes and it's just so fucking good??? I found it by searching "kingsman script"

Rdj Sherlock 2009 😭😭 there's a lot of deleted scenes including one I despise but hey we all gotta suffer sometimes, but it also goes way more in depth into Holmes' emotional state and his relationship with Watson which I am an absolute hoe for and I also just love both of the rdj Sherlock movies so yeah definetly recommend

The script for the first 2000 X-Men movie, even if you're not into the mcu. The xmen movies are in a completely different vein and maybe it's just the fact that we had the dvd since before I was born and I grew up on this movie but I really really love it and the script for it was so good... It's kinda the same as with huntsman, there's a LOT of changes, and it's been a while so I can't exactly remember but I know it was a very cool script to read and there were several scenes I wish they kept in for the final movie

The Thor Ragnarok script is SO fucking funny it had me screaming the entire time, if you like the movie you'll be sure to love this script

The brokeback mountain script if you want to get emotional over that movie all over again, it's....hm. wig

as for the questions: no I don't think I've ever read one but I might, problem is most scripts come out way after the movie so if they ever do so I most likely will have seen the movie by the time I get the script, plus tbh I never thought about that before skdjsj but I might try, I'm sure it'd be interesting. And umm I'm not really a writer, maybe a script would be easier to write since it's mostly dialogue but I dunno, I'm more into acting than actually writing the story

[takerfoxx]

The Rise of Skywalker Review

All right, new year, new decade, and all that jazz. Now, I do have a few things I wanna say about reflecting back on where I was and where I am now, personal growth and all that, but first, I have some major I need to get out of my system, something that’s been eating at my mind all week, something I really need to sit down and dissect to properly suss out my thoughts and feelings.

And that thing is this: what the fuck happened with The Rise of Skywalker?!

Now, just for the record, I’m that lapsed Star Wars fan who grew up with the original trilogy, who had a full shelf of EU novels that I read and reread over and over until their covers fell off, who spent untold hours replaying both of the Knights of the Old Republic games, was majorly let down by the prequels and became disillusioned by the franchise as a result, who reacted to the news of Disney’s acquisition of the franchise with cyncisim, who thought that The Force Awakens was decent but otherwise substance-less knock-off of A New Hope, who was bored to tears by Rogue One, who skipped Solo entirely, but who actually was surprising engaged and receptive to the subversive themes and new places that The Last Jedi took the franchise even if it was very flawed structurally and thought that it was the best Star Wars film since Return of the Jedi.

And hell, let’s just state my reasons right now. The Last Jedi came out at a time when I was just so tired of people trying to recapture lightning in a bottle with once-great franchises that had lived on long past their expiration date with trying to pass off clearly inferior knock-offs to their original installments as sequels. I mean, it can work, sure. Both of the Creed movies followed the Rocky movie formula pretty closely but were still great, and even if it didn’t click with me the way it did with other people, Fury Road was a fantastic film. The thing is though, both of those movies were still being handled by their original creators, specifically Sylvester Stallone and George Miller, while my beloved Star Wars and Jurassic Park had become divorced from their daddies and were now being handled by people who just. Didn’t. Get it.

And then The Last Jedi came along and was all, “Shut up about bloodlines, they don’t matter! Your main character is not the descendant of some already established character, she’s just some rando Force-sensitive that caught up in all this and decided to answer the call, so let her stand on her own! The Jedi were a well-meaning but immensely flawed, so leave them in the annuals of history and stop venerating them! Same with your heroes! Also, your Resistance has its hands dirty too because it’s a fucking war and war makes monsters of everybody while the little people suffer, sometimes you need to listen to the people in charge instead of being a hothead bucking the system, and the intimidating villains in black are in truth a bunch of insecure man-children playing dress-up to make them feel better about themselves and are pretty pathetic until they take that last step and become actual threats because that is how fascism works!”

Do you realize just how refreshing all of that was? Oh my God, is the Star Wars franchise actually…moving forward? Are we getting new stuff that’s not hampered by George Lucas’s unbearably hackneyed writing?

Yes, the whole Finn and Rose sidequest contributed nothing to the plot and ultimately went nowhere. Yes, the whole Poe vs. Admiral Holdo had the looming question of “Why doesn’t she just tell Poe that she’s got a plan instead of doing everything to set the team rebel off?” which undercut its message. These are major problems, I acknowledge that. The thing is, they are easily fixable problems that would have been smoothed out by a few more script treatments. It sucks that they weren’t, but as for me, they were roadbumps, not dealbreakers. I noticed them, I saw that they were major problems, but they didn’t make me angry, and I liked what they were trying to say enough for me to still be with it. And I felt that all the Luke/Rey/Kylo stuff was gangbusters (yes, I loved cranky, disillusioned old Luke. I know Mark Hamill didn’t care for it, but that’s fine, it worked great for me), so I ultimately left feeling pleasantly surprised. As if in, it was a flawed but very refreshing experience, one that said things I had been feeling for a long time and took things to interesting places that I actually wanted to see play out. I even got choked up when Luke let himself fade away when feeling absolutely nothing when Han died the previous film.

Unfortunately, that seemed to be a minority opinion, with many other Star Wars fan outright detesting it, sometimes to a pretty gross level (you know what I’m talking about). So when JJ Abrams was brought back on board to try to salvage things for the final installment, my reaction was, “I’m going to hate it, aren’t I?”

Still, I knew I was going to see it anyway, just to say that I did. And…welp.

…

Dafuq was that?

All right, all right, now before I continue, I need to acknowledge something. First of all, I have nothing against JJ Abrams as a person or even really as an artist. From all accounts he’s a cool guy who’s been taking all the backlash he’s been getting with a commendable amount of maturity, and he was placed in a very unenviable position by taking the reins in the midst of a very volatile situation. Plus, he had set a ton of things up in TFA that TLJ burned to the ground. Granted, it was a bonfire that I thoroughly enjoyed, but as the person watching his ideas just get cut off, that must have been frustrating watch. Like, what was he supposed to work with once he was brought back on after Colin Trevorrow had gotten the boot? And on a side-note, they really need to stop bringing Colin Trevorrow into big blockbuster franchises.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, we had the tragic passing of Carrie Fisher, which, in addition to being a terrible loss in general because she was a wonderful person that we’re all the poorer without, this movie was supposed to in some way revolve thematically around her, much like the TFA did with Han and TLJ did with Luke. But with her gone, they were just left with footage and recorded dialogue from deleted scenes from the first two films, which is next to nothing to go off of. Now there’s a debate to be had about whether or not it would be appropriate to CG her face onto a different actress, and I do get them feeling that doing so would be ghoulish…but they kinda already did that to bring Tarkin back in Rogue One, so…

Even so, that really sucks, and as awkward as the Princess Leia scenes are as a result, it isn’t their fault, so I’ll leave it at that.

And finally, it must also be acknowledged that a lot of the things I’m going to criticize them for were present in the original trilogy, and were just as awkward then. The OG movies weren’t perfect, folks. We’ve come to accept these flaws, but they were just as clumsy asspulls back then as they are now.

All right, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I actually want to start off on a positive note, specifically talking about the stuff I liked.

Let’s begin with the thing that I consider to not only be good, but actually kind of great: the relationship between Rey and Kylo Ren. Their weird Force-link in TLJ was one of the few new ideas that everyone seemed to like, especially since neither of them could really control it and were equally befuddled by it. It’s just a cool idea, a new aspect of the Force we haven’t seen before, and it’s slowly built upon, actually affects both the plot and the characters, and leads to some great scenes between the two of them.

And you know what? I was actually surprised by how much I liked these two together. After the wooden pile of bleh that was Anakin and Padme, I was bracing myself for more of the same. But as it turns out, Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver have an incredible amount of chemistry, and Adam especially was able to pull off the whole tortured bad boy who’s trying to be a villain but feels endlessly conflicted in a way that Hayden Christensen never could (though to be fair, Adam had way more to work with). So giving them that weird link where they’re forced to interact at different points despite being galaxies across from one another is a fantastic idea.

And I was happy to see that not only was this idea not walked back on, they actually built on it. Without giving too much away, there’s an amazing scene where they actually have a lightsaber fight despite being in two completely different locations and not really knowing where the other is, with the camera jumping back and forth from each other’s perspective and items from each other’s surroundings keep getting thrown into the other’s area and it’s honestly really great.

There were also a lot of visuals that were pretty great. The whole indoor lightning of the Sith Planet was neat, as was the flying stormtroopers, and that festival was pretty cool, and…

Actually, come to think of it, most of the scenes in this movie are, when viewed in isolation, pretty good, and could have worked if they had been buffeted by, you know, proper buildup, actual pacing, and taking the time to let events have weight.

But that leads us to this movie’s biggest failing, the problem that bring the whole thing crashing down. And that is it will just. Not. Slow. Down!

Seriously, don’t take a bathroom break, because if you do, you’ll come back to find everybody on a totally different planet doing something completely different, and the plot point you left on is completely in the rearview. It’s exhausting how quickly this movie jumps around from place to place, where we get a look at a setting and characters that might have been interesting if we got to spend actual time with them, only to drop it and we’re onto the next part. This isn’t a story, it’s a list of bullet points! It’s a three hour highlight reel of a whole-ass fourth trilogy, one that could have been cool to watch if they had chopped it up into three parts and fleshed them out into three movies. Hell, I’ll tell you where to end each one: Rey vs. Kylo on the Star Destroyer, Rey vs. Kylo on the wreckage of the Death Star, and the actual finale. Expand on the stuff in between, flesh things out with actual, you know, character development and consequences instead of zipping around, trying to come up with as many places as they can to cram into Star Tours’ randomizer.

And that’s what this basically is, an overly long Star Tours ride! Now I like Star Tours just fine, because it visits places that hold actual meaning due to being properly developed in actual movies, but these places just left me feeling hollow. And while we’re on the subject, did we really need another desert planet, ice planet, and forest planet combo? Spice things the fuck up! Say what you want about the prequels, but at least they tried to take us to cool new places.

And you know what? I’m going to say it. This movie is actually worse than the prequels. Not because it’s nearly as clumsily written and woodenly acted, or because it’s dragged down by dumb attempts at comedy; it’s none of those things. But at least the prequels were trying! George Lucas might be totally inept as a writer and should not have been given free reign, but there were attempts at things like proper plot and character development, pacing, plot twists, mystery, building things up and paying them off. Just go read the novelization of Revenge of the Sith. It’s fantastic! Same plot, same events happening, same conversations, but the dialogue is reworked to give the characters actual personality and it’s narratively told in an awesome and creative way and it’s overall just a great book. So George Lucas’s movies had the framework of a good story, he just wasn’t the right person to tell it.

In contrast, this movie has actual good acting, and the dialogue isn’t anywhere nearly as corny, but it’s just so unbelievably basic. It’s surface level writing, with barely a hint of cleverness and very little personality other than what the actors are about to wrangle out through their performances. But structure-wise, other than to expand it into a full trilogy, I don’t see how anyone can turn this mess into an engaging, single-movie narrative. So much happens, and it just feels so empty.

And…okay. Let’s address the Bantha in the room. Let’s talk about Palpatine.

Why is he back? Why? Just…why? He doesn’t need to be back! He doesn’t! It’s stupid, it’s hackneyed, it’s not even explained! I mean, there’s an offhand mention of cloning, so yeah, it’s feasible, it just makes no narrative sense! Hell, the fucking opening title crawl just plain says, “Yeah, he’s back. No reason, he just is” and goes on from that. And apparently he’s been behind everything that’s happened, like Snoke and Vader’s voice in Kylo Ren’s head and stuff, because things just can’t happen without being masterminded by someone I guess.

Really? This is the best they could come up with? I know TLJ cut off a lot of their plot branches, but goddamn it, this is the best you’ve got? Resurrect Palpatine? They do remember that the first two movies from the trilogy barely had the emperor as a presence, right? Vader carried them all just fine! Just run with that! Have Kylo Ren be the main antagonist! Have this be able his ascension to actual mega threat instead of Darth Vader cosplayer. If you want Ian McDiarmid to ham it up in the robes one last time (and hey, who wouldn’t?) just give him a cameo! Like, a holographic message to any potential successors Kylo Ren is looking for. Have him be the devil on Kylo’s shoulder in a is-he-real-is-he-just-a-hallucination sort of way. Make him something tempting Kylo Ren to fully embrace being the new Sith Lord, something Kylo has to overcome if he wants redemption. But don’t bring him fucking back! That’s just so, so stupid.

And Rey being Palpatine’s granddaughter kind of pisses me off. Her being revealed as a nobody from nowhere in the last film was great! I loved that idea! But no, let’s just retcon that whole business because we’re trying to apologize for the only one of these movies that had any balls and everybody has to be the descendant of someone important. Even fucking Lando gets a long-lost daughter in this! No, I’m not joking, he totally does.

Now, could Rey’s Sith heritage have worked? Sure! In of itself, it’s a rad idea, one that could have been used to explore all sorts of awesome themes…if that had been their plan from the beginning instead of a cheap attempt to replicate Empire’s big plot twist. But let’s face it: they threw it in as a desperate attempt to placate the fans. There never was any sort of plan. Abrams made the first movie with the sole intention of trying to recapture that nostalgic feel and fucked off, Rian Johnson took over with no notes and decided to do what he wanted, Trevorrow got fired, and Abrams got brought back for PR reasons because hey, people liked his movie, and he had to scramble to piece something together! Damn it, Disney! You literally have infinite resources! Hire someone with actual creative talent!

Oh wait, you did, and people hated it. Fuck.

So yeah. Rey’s parentage? Total waste, raises more questions than it answers. Chewie’s apparent death? Total waste, because he was actually on another ship! Though you could Force sense these things, Rey! Dark Side Rey in the trailer? Total waste, just a Force vision. That whole bit with C-3PO potentially sacrificing his entire identity? Total waste. No one seems to care, he gets no say, and after his memory gets wiped it’s treated as comic relief. Yeah, one last look at your friends indeed, Threepio. Some friends you have there. Oh, except Artoo’s got your memory backed up, so it doesn’t matter, just like everything else.

Oh yeah, and fuck Chewie’s medal! Who was really asking for that?

What a mess. What a disjointed, soulless, pandering mess. What a waste of potential, squandered on nothing. Bleh.

Oh well, at least we still have the Mandalorian. I’ve started watching that and it’s really cool so far.

[gotatext]

TASK OO1 / OOC SURVEY.

[kermit voice] hallo.... its me 

YOUR ALIAS & NICKNAMES — nora

AGE — 23

TIMEZONE — gmt

PREFERRED PRONOUNS — she/her

MBTI — enfp-infp border cos im an introvert who Masquerades as an extrovert :)

HP HOUSE — i spent 10 yrs of my life thinkin i was gryffindor.... to find out.... huffle....puff...... 

ARE YOU A STUDENT? WHAT DO YOU STUDY? — i fuckin wish! being a student was dope af i got stressed about essays like once a month and apart from that i was just chillin, surrounded by really intelligent people every day n livin it up on the party scene. adult life fucking sucks no one wants to have fun cos we all work fuckin tonnes of hours so we can afford to eat and get paid peanuts xx

ARE YOU ENJOYING IT? — im really afraid of bein one of those jock types who peaked in high school but i deff peaked in uni like 100% i was way more interesting 2 years ago

LINKS TO OTHER ACCOUNTS & SOCIAL MEDIA — im not showin u my instagram bc im a fuckin embarassment but this is pinterest , this is my personal blog, this is my writing / 1x1 blog i never use any more n this is my trash talking twitter where i mostly just cry about timothee chalamet and bash the tories. 

DISCORD USER — kristine’s forehead vein#8664

WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE FICTION GENRE? — i dont read fanfiction much but when i do u can be sure it’s slow burn angsty enemies to lovers mutual pining heart attack every time one of them accidentally brushes the other’s hand

TOP FIVE FAVOURITE FILMS — suspiria (2018 luca guadagnino version rogue i kno but i prefer the remake), the lobster, before sunrise, baz luhrmann romeo + juliet, eternal sunshine of the spotless mind,  thoroughbreds (REC!! so underwatched pls watch it. compelling female characters), hunt for the wilderpeople (also so underwatched), swiss army man, call me by your name, atonement, moonrise kingdom, trainspotting, the florida project. i rlly like films ok

A BOOK YOU FEEL “CHANGED” YOU? — the song of achilles by madeline miller n also fen by daisy johnson

A MOVIE YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN? — booksmart cos its fuckin dope

WHAT IS YOUR SIGN? — libra

ARE YOU INTO ASTROLOGY? —  i like to pretend im super invested in it mostly to anger my friends but tbh.... i just use it as a rough guide for character creation.... its fun but i dnt .... fully invest in what it has to say..... altho i am the most unbalanced n indecisive bitch on earth so i guess they got that right !! i just live to please baybeyy!

WHAT PLATFORMS HAVE YOU ROLEPLAYED ON? — tumblr for about 8 year (omg) n before tht facebook..... i was very embarassingly in a twilight rp..... i wrote jane..... i also rped as a scene kid oc n when i was like 12 i was on some weird forum harry potter roleplay where i basically played a self insert with georgie henley as the fc......

WHAT OTHER HOBBIES DO YOU HAVE? — i used to have so many hobbies but now i jst lie in my bed staring at the ceiling. but before i was workin like a dog i loved reading, writing, acting in theatre productions..... going out on the town getting bevved..... big druggy EDM nights in warehouses tht probably weren’t liscenced for tht many ppl..... gigs... costume-design and making, spoken word poetry, acrylic painting n rollerskating but my sister broke my skates abt two years ago in vengeance and i’ll never forgive her that fuckin bitch

HAVE ANY PETS? IF SO, TALK ABOUT THEM! — no my landlord is a fascist

IS THERE A TV SHOW YOU RECOMMEND A LOT? — i’ll never stop reccing euphoria!! also i was pleasantly surprised by looking for alaska!! but i also rlly like bob’s burgers, parks and rec, good omens.... black mirror, n sharp objects. lovesick on bbciplayer (n netflix i think) is also rlly fun

ANY SHOWS YOU LIKE SOME MIGHT BE SURPRISED TO HEAR THAT YOU DO? — maybe love island, idk if i talk abt that much bc i am ashamed but i am so obsessed with it. i even got the love island game n got so invested in my fictional relationship w bobby tht i had to delete it

WHAT WAS THE LAST BOOK YOU READ? WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT? — god god... i haven’t finished a book in ages.... i recently started reading milkman by anna burns, the bees by laline paull and everything under by daisy johnson.... bt the last book i read cover to cover was probs circe. defs read it. feminist and witchy

CURRENTLY READING? — i jst said this but the bees, everything under and less so milkman cos im finding milkman a bit tough

LAST FILM? REC IT? — i watched ladyworld the lord of the flies all-female remake n even maya hawke could not save it.... dnt get me wrong from an art film point of view i loved it but it felt a bit underdeveloped n a level media studies for me..... apart from tht?? the runaways (yorkshire film not released yet at a preview screening) and threads (also a yorkshire film from the 80s about nuclear apocalypse)

THREE MOVIES YOU NEED TO WATCH — portrait of a lady on fire, i work at an independent cinema n we recently had a preview screening and everyone said it was SICK, uhhhh short term 12, n the new eliza scanlen movie babyteeth

WHAT MOVIE DO YOU THINK YOU’VE SEEN THE MOST TIMES? — madagascar because when i was 12 my parents bought me a little television with a dvd player in it for my birthday and madagascar was the only dvd i owned for like..... the first two years of havin the absolute luxury of a tv in my room so i just used to watch it all the time n i now basically know the script inside out

WHAT ALWAYS PUTS YOU IN A GOOD MOOD? — nothing, life is pointless n i hate fun, let me rot in peace

WHO IS YOUR FAVOURITE MUSICIAN / BAND? LIST IF THERE ARE MORE THAN ONE. — ughhh god probably lcd soundsystem. gorillaz, the streets, tame impala, talking heads, soft hair, i also love lizz tho n also angry twangy guitar girl bands like girlpool, courtney barnett, best coast, cherry glazerr,

WILD NIGHT OUT OR QUIET NIGHT IN? — quiet night in my party days are over i cant even be bothered to go to the shops if its past 4.30pm and dark these days

ANY PHOBIAS? — clowns n rats

DO YOU LIKE BUGS? — absolutely not

BIRDS? — yes but not if they fly in my face

ARE YOU A CAT OR DOG PERSON? BOTH? — i love both i want one 

BIGGEST PET PEEVE? — tory middle aged boomers who treat me like actual shit on their shoe because i work in the service industry like thats my choice and their poor economic decisions didnt mean i have to do a shitty job to afford to live bcos of austerity n cuts to arts funding meaning i cant get a job writing unless i self-fund :)))

FAVOURITE THING ABOUT THE RPC? — that everyone ive met through rp is a fuckin LAFF

TOP TEN FAVE FCS TO USE? — god .... diana silvers, timothee chalamet, margaret qualley, kristine froseth, froy gutierrez, zendaya, elle fanning, astrid berges frisbey, hunter schafer, leonardo dicaprio

FIVE YOU LIKE WRITING AGAINST? — herman tomeraas, hunter schafer, saoirse ronan, timothee chalamet, froy gutierrez

FAVOURITE TYPE OF FOOD? — linda mccartney 1/2pounder mozzarella veggie burgers, sweet potato wedges, tomato soup, mozzarella sticks, brownies

WORST FOOD? — green things like broccoli n sprouts gross. baked beans cos as a kid ppl used to do baked bean baths for comic relief / red nosed day a lot n i thought when they were finished in the baked bean bath they just put all the cold beans back in the tin. actually anything small that moves around on your plate. peas. spaghetti. sweetcorn. i dont like small things i cant control.

DO YOU PLAY VIDEOGAMES? IF SO, WHAT ONES AND ON WHAT PLATFORM DO YOU PREFER? — last year my housemate had an xbox n i went through a phase of obsessively playin fable 3 it was amazing. i had like 5 husbands and 3 wives and loads of kids but they all ended up leavin me cos i spent so much time out doing quests neglecting them

ANYTHING ELSE YOU’D LIKE TO SHARE WITH THE TAG? — this

LASTLY, HOW DID YOU FIND US? — im one of those bitches who was in this grp all the way back when it was swipe... so quirky and original!! i knew the band before u! anyway im goin now this has been sufficiently embarassing..... i am lame

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Haven DVD Commentaries: 4.08 - Crush

Commentary with Speed Weed (yes, that is actually his name), writer for the episode and Shernold Edwards, writer for the next episode

[As we see Duke burying Wade] SW: “This was the very first day of filming for this episode and I thought Eric just knocked this out of the park.” They really dug a hole in the ground for Eric to roll a dummy into. The location is near their production office in Chester.

Both commentators agree on the cuteness/adorableness of Emma Lahana as Jennifer.

SW talks about the deleted scene of Nathan and Audrey waking up together; it’s on the DVD, it’s also online. “Since 4.07 ended with them jumping into each other’s arms we wanted to open with that, but it got cut basically for length. Because of the big emotional scene at the end of the episode (which also takes places in Audrey’s apartment), we wanted to have space for that to breathe.” SE: “Don’t be upset about that though fans, because I try to throw in them making out wherever I possibly can.”

[As Duke is telling Jennifer in the Herald that he’s leaving town] SW: “I just love what Eric did here. He’s an actor who when you push his character to the edge he really performs well. We get him to this place where because he’s killed his brother he decides he should leave town, and I just love this moment of performance. And actors tell me that when you’re acting against someone who’s really solid it makes it all the more special, and to have Emma on the other side of it was great.”

[As Duke first sees the effects of the pressure Trouble in the road] SW: “We had originally scripted that the effects of this pressure Trouble were to be seen as an advancing sea-green wave. For a variety of reasons we decided not to do it that was but that mean production had to make all of these things implode because of the growing pressure .. and just hats off to the production team who created all these things with a pressure differential and got them to crush like that.” SE: “In case you haven’t figured it out already, Speed’s the science guy.” SE: “It’s true. I spend about 10 years writing science magazine articles for Discover Magazine, National Geographic, popular science.” And as this is the first commentary he’s ever done he just wants to take the opportunity to say “Speed Weed is my name; Weed is my family last name, and Speed is not my legal name but is a nickname my parents gave me the day I was born. I’ve had it my entire life and I’ve never used any other name.”

[As we see the decompression chamber that Duke and Jack put Vince and Dave into] SW: “So they built that. [*surprise from Shernold*] Our fantastic art department headed by Jennifer Stewart built that out of metal and wood and cardboard and it looks so good and so real. And they did it in a way that you can shoot the inside and the outside.” SE: “It looks really good! They even dirtied up the windows.” It was set up at a location called North West Cove, and is about 300 yards from the Grey Gull [the location in reality that is, not in the story].

[As we see Duke argue with Audrey and Nathan on their way to speak to Vince and Dave outside the compression chamber] SW: “This is one of my favourite scenes in this episode because I love it when you get your main characters hot at each other. And they are really hot here and they have reason to be. The challenge as we designed these epsiodes is to make sure that things are grounded and real and people have real emotional core as to why they feel the way they feel and argue the way they argue. By the way the light up there is phemnomenal. This scene was at sun set and the light was gorgeous.

They have a selection of questions soliticted via Twitter and pick one out of a hat; “I’d love to know the reactions of some of the actors when they learned what their characters were doing next.” SW: “This is a really good question, but the truth is the actors read the scripts when they get them; alone at their houses or in their trailers. And I would love to be a fly on the brain, if you will, to know what their first thoughts are. Because they are the people who inhabit these characters and it’s our job to make sure that we take them in interesting and suprising directions and yet ones that are also emotionally grounded. And we have actors that care about their characters and they push back on us if they don’t feel that what they’re doing is justified…. And they’re fiercely protective of their characters in a really great way. So I wish I could answer that first moment of what they feel like when they react.” And he talks about the process of shooting, about how for the 7 days they’re shooting one episode they will also be prepping the next one - and so that’s the point where actors get to talk to the writers and make any comments. “And more often than not it’s just a case of having a conversation and coming to an understanding. On this particular episode I don’t remember any reactions other than, ‘That’s great!’”

Another question from Twitter; “How long had William’s existence been plotted?” SW: “So, we had never imagined that whoever created the Troubles acted alone. So in a sense, William has been around for a very long time. I will say that the specificity of William came about in the very early stages of our designing season 4 (which would have been January 2013 when I first joined the show).

They both talk about the actor playing Aiden (lead on a Canadian show called The Listener that Shernold worked on) and what a good job he did and how he had no prep; they only got to talk to him once he was on set in costume already. And about what a great job the director for the episode did, how he is great at bringing out performances from the actors.

The horseshoe crabs with human eyes that Jennifer sees where built by the production team using a real horseshoe crab carapace (which curiously enough are all over the place in Maine but don’t exist in Nova Scotia, so they had to buy one from afar). And they painted human eyes on it and mounted it on a little remote control car.

Another Twitter question; “Since you were new to writing for Haven last season, what did it take to up to speed with the series?” SW: “This is my first genre show. Prior to writing for this, I wrote for police procedurals and political shows largely, and this is my first sci-fi/fantasy show and I have to say I’m so excited that this is the show I landed in on because if I’d landed on a zombie show or a vampire show or something like that, you have maybe five rules that you have to follow. This show tests you so hard as an intelligent human being because every week we reinvent the wheel. We invent the rules of the day. And so to answer the question, it took me a long time. And the writing staff here was incredibly welcoming to a guy who didn’t have a lot of genre experience. Honestly, in this room a lot of pitches start something like this; ‘Do you remember in the third reel of the second resident evil movie….?’ and I’m totally lost with that kind of thing. I look around the table and everyone else is nodding like they know exactly what’s going on and I have no clue whatsoever. But it’s such a warm and familial room… and I guess the nice thing is that you can make up your rules with every episode. So we were very specific with the pressure rules of this and we spent a long time on the paranoia rules of episode 4.09.”

SE: “What is Duke doing with that flip phone? You know he wants to press some buttons.” SW: “Duke only has like, steampunk phones.”

[As Duke and Nathan argue after talking with Jack] SW: “Oh here comes the punch, I’m so excited for this punch.” SE: “He is so good looking.” SW: “We have actors who largely do their own stunts. There!” SE: “Oooh that was good!” SW: “Yep. And so the way they do that is, they will shoot two versions of that. They will go full speed to the moment where the fist hits the face, and they freeze. And as they freeze, the AD calls make up and make up runs in and puts the blood on Duke’s fist and Nathan’s chin and they continue through the action. And then in post you marry it together so you have a full sweep of the fist going through.” SE: “How often do they forget to pull the punch though? Do they smack him for real?” SW: “Well, on that they were perfect. He moved his fist really fast, and stopped it immediately as he touched Lucas Bryant’s chin. They’re good at that..” [As Duke pulls up in the van with the deep sea diving equipment inside] SW: “There’s a moment here I wanted to shout out to about Eric Balfour’s physicality … Oh here it is, so I hope this ends up on the blooper reel; in one take, as Duke got out of this Dominion Diving van - we’re at the top of a giant hill in Lunenberg here - he forgot to put the parking brake on and the van started rolling downhill and honestly all of us thought that this van was going to go 200 feet vertically downhill and kill someone. And Eric Balfour god bless him, got in that van and stopped it in a way I don’t think any other actor could have.” SW: “OK so the suits; these are real, deep sea, pressure diving suits. They were provided to us by a deep sea salvage company near Halifax called Dominion Diving. It was part of our agreement that we got to use their van and show their name in the take. So for most of this, unless you can see the actor’s face, these are actually the Dominion Diving guys walking in their own suits. And they are really heavy suits because they’re meant to be used under water where they’re neutrally boyant, but on land … All I can tell you is Eric and Lucas spent the better part of a day in those suits and if they put them on for 10 minutes they were sweating like hell. And the same is true of Emily and god bless her because she did a great job and she had a baby just a few months before and she was totally game getting in these suits and doing all this stuff and it was very physically challenging.”

Another Twitter question; “Since it was the same day from one episode to the next (8 and 9) how much time is spent discussing the transition?” SE: “We have to plan that, we have  to make it realistic. And I thought it was particularly clever with these two episodes because there’s the drama of the shot going off in 8 and then rolled it back in 9 to see what actually happened… So yes, to answer the question we do plan - hopefully effectively - between transitions like this.” SW: “It is very tempting in these shows to not have a nighttime and a session of sleep pass. And there are differing opinions (both in this writers’ room and writers’ rooms in general) to not slow down the drama by having a day pass. One feeling is that you have to be true to reality; you can’t have a 26 hour daylight day. The other feeling is; most people don’t notice. And in the tension between those two; you get what you get. It’s a great question because it means that people are really paying attention.” [As Duke and Nathan get their helmets off] SW: “You can see here how sweaty these guys are and in this take they haven’t had the suits on for very long; they’re just super heavy. And those guys loved that. They had so much fun in those suits; it was such a departure for them.”

SE [About Duke]: He is /so/ good looking. I guess we know which team I’m on. Actually, I am neither waffle nor pancake, I am team Shuke because if Duke was real character there would be no competition. He would be like ‘Shernold, where’ve you been all my life?’ And I would be like, ‘I’m right here, what took you so long?’” SW: “Have you told Eric that?” SE: “It’s Duke. Not Eric. Eric and I have a friendship that’s based on professionalism and respect and fun. But if there was a Duke-Duke, like a /real/ Duke...” [As we see Jennifer inside the Rouge] SW: “Oh here it comes … this scene. Duke’s changed his mind. So as this is being shot [Duke kissing Jennifer] I’m sitting about where the kitchen is and this was really hot. I’ll just say it; it was hot. These two had a chemistry for sure.” SE: “And she is adorable.”

[As we see Audrey and Nathan in her apartment] SE: “I can’t say enough about how great these two are in this scene.The truth is our actors love - they’ve have fun with the suits and all that, but when they get to do what we call a two-hander and just play the emotion (especially something that’s built up over three seasons) and dig deep into how their characters feel about each other, I do think I’m not speaking out of turn when I say that this is one of their favourite things to do. And it seemed like this, they treated it like a short play, and they get to run it through without stopping. And I think that’s when we see them at their best.” SW: “There were lot of questions about this scene from the Twitterverse and someone asked a very smart question about how the actors prepped for that scene.” So this conversation where they are coming to the decision that maybe Audrey should shoot Nathan, is cut into three or four scenes in the edit, but on the day they shot it through all in one go. “And I really want to take my hat off to the director and to Emily and Lucas, because, we live in a world where supernatural things don’t happen …” SE: “That we know of.” SW: “... people don’t have to shoot their one true love in order to end supernatural Troubles. And yet for this scene to work, it has to be real and grounded, and you have to decide that the greater good and the best thing is that you have to kill your one true love. And they (the actors) knew that’s a tall order; it’s not easy. And they took this so seriously. And I was so affected watching this. And we didn’t do a huge amount of sizes because we knew we wanted to be close in this - by that I mean how close is the camera on the actors. If I remember correctly the director was thinking that they might want to break them up and shoot them bit by bit,” so that Emily could do multiple takes at the emotional level 1, then move to the next level for multiple takes, then stay at the final level for multiple takes, “but god bless her Emily decided to do the whole rise and the whole arc of it time after time, take after take. And I can’t really answer the question because when they were at home two days before this I don’t know how they prepared for it. But I do know that when they showed up on set that day they were ready. Both for the lovey-dovey scene at the beginning of the episode [which was shot directly before this] and for the awfulness of this scene at the end of the episode. The emotional difficulty of it.” SE: “And I would gues that these two - they’re such terrific friends too and their families are close everything - would pick up the phone and talk to each other about it, or that they would get on set and just be in the moment.”

[As Duke, Jennifer, Vince and Dave are talking at the bottom of the steps outside the Gull] SE: “Quick point of local interest; John Dunsworth who plays Dave, you can almost see it in that shot of Duke, his family owns like a hundred acres of coastal land right next to the Grey Gull. And at lunch on this day, he took me to his private dock and out on a boat ride around the cove and it was one of my most memorable experiences from my time up there I really enjoyed it.” SE: “He’s so much fun.”

[theshittynetflix]

Swiped. 3.5/10

Holy shit, this has to be Noah Centineo’s worst performance.  “This film made my dick retract inside of myself” -The Telegraph

Following the story of James Singer, our barely established protagonist, throughout college, we quickly come to realise he is the ultimate cuck. In the first scene we see James’ mother and sister taking him to college in the car, where his sister Ashlee rips the fuck into him about being an antisocial nerd and “never talking to real people”: His mother sits and lets this happen which feels like the ultimate cuck move. James, an avid coder (because apparently that’s a hobby), is a bit of an arselick when it comes to his computer science teacher (which is his major at college). Within the first few scenes, we can see bumlicking in that James is the only student to have done the assignment that was “on the syllabus”, but not assigned.. which I’m pretty sure has never happened in the history of poor teaching.

For some reason, misogynist and classic shitbag, Lance (Noah Centineo’s character) is also majoring in Computer Science, despite clearly being awful at it and expressing no interest in it. Lance approaches coder James alongside his two meathead cronies (one of whom looks a bit like if Logan Paul gained 15kgs), about building a hook up app called Jungle, where there are conditions that prohibit women on the app asking the names of their male counterpart. The app eventually falls apart when James realises how misogynistic this concept is, and deletes it (alongside every other dating app, somehow) despite Lance’s offer for college funds to MIT, James’ dream college. Hannah, James’ love interest throughout the movie, comes to terms with the fact he made a horrendous app for money and forgives him. Quelle feminist <3

CAST: 7/10 I really struggle to understand how the fuck they managed to get Leigh-Allyn Baker to play James’ mum in this. What a downgrade from “Good Luck Charlie” Swiped is. Her performance was atrocious, but I can’t blame her when the script is something an alien might write when being forced to decipher what 2019 teen movies with a “message” are like. Noah Centineo, as always, contributed buttfuck nothing to this film, apart from one extra cancer cell that I did not need, nor want. I feel bad for Noah, actually, he constantly gets the same roles: smooth talking guy with quirky mannerisms and douchey friends. Watch any of his films and you will soon come to understand that, despite having played this same character in five different movies (Sierra Burgess is a Loser; To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before; Swiped; The Perfect Date; SPF-18), he still cannot act. A 7/10 for convincing any actors at all to be involved.

PLOT: 2/10 How does a film manage to be 1.5 hours and still establish no plot? Ask Ann Deborah Fishman, the director of this masterpiece of shit. The attempted a-plot of this film is obviously the creation of the app, which seems to only take James a week or so.. although the concept of time in this film is strewn by the fact I feel as though I suffered multiple strokes. The b-plot. or the sad excuse for this, would be James’ romantic interest in Hannah, a girl who is only ever seen reading. This relationship makes absolutely no sense at all; supposedly James and Hannah went to high school together and he embarrassed her by singing to her (har har his last name is Singer. Great use of foreshadowing) and therefore... breaking her trust forever? Ok babes. The dialogue between them is absolutely groundbreakingly shit, their conversations dryer than a witch’s coochie. Anyway, at the end of the film, James and Hannah make up and embrace..into a nice hug. A 2/10, as opposed to a 1, for having more than one plot. Kind of. 

CINEMATOGRAPHY: 1/10 God how I wish I could directly insert the whole of this scene here, but sadly I cannot, so for now you will just have to take my word on how appalling the camerawork is. The lighting is an absolute state which makes this scene in particular look like it was shot on the back of an iphone5 by a film student. Just by this one shot you can tell how uncomfortable the whole movie is; she’s literally reading and walking which happens MULTIPLE TIMES in the movie and just makes everyone involved super uncomfortable. These subtitles tell an absolute story, too. This gets a 1/10 because I’m surprised there was an attempt to film this atrocity in the first place.

Moreover, I would absolutely recommend this film if you: want to kill an hour and a half to get closer to death, ORif you thrive on loosely tied together plots, poorly written characters with no depth and just alround cringe fests. 3.5/10

[grimtime]

The main plot of The Room is very simple and God I wish I lived in the universe in which it weren’t, just to see, what it would’ve been like if the director were allowed to go fucking ham on the script. It reads like something I’d have written when I was like 9, only to go back and remove the more blatantly unrealistic elements (pirates) and insert in a lot of what my 9 year old idea of Adult Drama would be. 

It’s about a woman (Lisa) who cheats on her fiance (Johnny) with his best friend (Mark), because she’s fallen out of love with him, and the inaction of everyone involved as well as the transgression itself drives Johnny to commit suicide.

I kinda wanna make a shittily edited montage with scenes of Mark and Johnny to Even In Death or My Immortal or something like that by Amy Lee but I don’t know how to edit video, so that’s out, for now. 

There are a few unresolved subplots as well which I’ll get to later. 

The film introduces the two main characters, Johnny and Lisa, by Johnny giving Lisa a red dress as a gift. If a man got me a sexy red dress as a gift I’d kill him. Fucking dresses and flowers and petals he’s just PERFORMING romance. He performs EVERYTHING with symbolic shorthand “oh, how do people act, men play catch I think? Eeeerrrrr then I will have my men play catch. In SUITS. Yeah this is humanity I fuckin’ nailed it.”

There’s a running thread throughout this movie, wherein Johnny’s primary mode of affection is incredibly materialistic, and his friends value him primarily for what he can do for them on a financial/material scale. #Crapitalism. Similarly Lisa is only ever valued by other people for her external appearance cuz all the men are thotty creeps. 

Blaa blaa fucking blaa dichotomy between realism crossing into surrealism Tommy Wiseau’s a misogynist and I can and will fucking make Lisa an interesting character blaa blaa fucking blaa nobody's going to read this fuck you. 

Lisa is the surreal element- every other character is pretty fuckin’ preoccupied in their social status and place in their society and maintaining it, bitch gets what she wants she ain’t about that conformity. I mean she’s also an adulterer but fucking hell I have to impose depth art is interpretive blaa blaa fucking blaa why did I delete my blog I don’t remember anyone’s URL LMAO. 

Anyway I guess there’s something to be said for Johnny destroying all his possessions at the climax of the movie. Once he loses his trophy woman to his best friend he has nothing left, does he? He really has nothing going for him. I mean he has his job still but when he loses his already pretty flimsy social life all he has left are his materialistic possessions and they can’t exactly do therapy at him. But his entire life is his job and what he can possess. Destroying the only things he has left is self destruction. SHE TORE HIM APART. 

Ripping Lisa’s red dress at the end is a symbolic murder-- because I don’t believe he ever saw Lisa as her own person. He saw her as another thing he could possess. A symbol of status he could dress up. A material. Lisa may as well have been a bit of red fabric. After all the momentum of the film often halts just to have characters comment on her hotness. Supporting this statement is the fact that, although she was lying about physical abuse, he does get pretty physical with her soon after. Foreshadowing? Fuck if I know, this movie wasn’t made competently. Was I written competently? Am I going to spiral before I die? Questions questions! All of them edgy! 

I wonder if there are any shitty fanfics written about Tommy Wiseau on wattpad. I’m not looking. But I fucking wonder.

Nevermind I looked and there’s “Trapped On An Island With Tommy Wiseau”. Fucking. Glorious. Why didn’t I pick THAT to over analyse? Holy fucking shit it’s amazing. I want to know where THAT story is going.

Whatever.

So anyway, people repeat themselves when they talk sometimes, and they do it in the movie as well. That’s cool. That’s good. That adds some naturalism to it. That makes it seem like real people talking and not actors. Yeah.

EXCEPT IT DIVES ASS OVER TEAKETTLE INTO SURREALISM! When those people repeat themselves in ways that don’t make sense as a shorthand way to progress the scene. It’s just a single step removed from [INSERT SOMETHING TO CHANGE THE SCENE HERE]. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

It’s something isn’t it. Damn. Yep. I’m chewing gum with the paper still on it just to see what happens. Hope it’s not poisoooooooon.

Aw hell I had to talk about the subplots. Iuno. INSERT SUBPLOT BLATHERING HERE. Danny took drugs. That was something. Amazingly the movie treats drugs and alcohol as bigger sins than attempted murder and assault! The characters do! Everyone does! Fucking glorious. IT’S NOT WHAT THE ILLICIT SUBSTANCES MAKE YOU DO UNDER THE INFLUENCE, IT’S THAT YA TOOK EM AT ALL! I forget what it means. 

YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, NOCTURNE-DOLCE!!!

Yeah. I wonder if I could construct a shitty emo poem using only lines of dialogue from The Room.

Don't leave I need you, I love you Everything is going wrong

You don’t want to talk to me

They trick me They didn't keep their promise They betray me, and I don't care anymore

You are TEARING ME APART

I don’t care

Everything is not okay

Don’t worry about it

It’s definitely shitty.

The more I think on it the more I realize that Lisa is literally the only character that develops as the movie goes on. I mean her development is basically “HOT ADULTERER IS EVIL WOMAN BITCH” but, yknow, at least she’s not like poor dumb Mark who has sex with her countless times and still manages to be stunned when she proposistions him for sex. 

Arguably she’s also the only character that shows any kind of agency; all the other characters seem to have their patterns. Mark asks her “why are you doing this to me” as if he’s a totally passive, blameless bystander, each scene with Claudette is exactly the same as the last, etc. The only character that really advances the plot is Lisa.

Lisa: agent of chaos and change. I unironically adore the PISS out of her dialogue. Check it the fuck out:  

You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything’s changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.

If he can’t give me what I want, somebody else will.

You have to take as much as you can. You have to live, live, live. 

I don’t see what the big deal is. Doesn’t everybody look out for number one? Don’t I deserve the best?

There is no baby. I told him that to make it interesting. We’re probably going to have a baby eventually anyway.

I am not responsible for Johnny. I’m through with that. I’m changing. I have the right, don’t I? People are changing all the time. I have to think about my future. What’s it to you?

Hot take: Lisa and Lola are the same character except one is a fish from Shark Tale and the other is Lisa from The Room. 

[1ooo-w0rds]

we met on ocean avenue pt 2

A/N: August fic and chapter 2 of we met on Ocean Avenue, my social media AU collaboration with @dancer-dramatic-13.  Enjoy Jason upcoming TV star pov.

Here’s part one: one

BlondSuperman: 2:31 pm Day 1 in LA. Not lost. “Exploring”. At least one of us is having fun. #ThorTheAmazingDog

Annabae: Thor is adorable with those shades! Looks like Santa Monica beach.

BlondSuperman: Mystery solved. #NotLostAnyMore #Stateside #NoMoreTravelForNow

Jason chuckled as the likes slowly grew on his daily picture of Thor. The golden retriever puppy panted from the heat as he sat beside Jason’s leg, staring out at the waves. The flight from Vancouver to Los Angeles was exhausting especially for Thor in his dog crate. Jason’s been on the move recently, living out of his suitcase as he flew to various locations for an upcoming film. He’s been traveling for three months. It felt weird being stateside again. Not bad though.

“You’re probably glad we’re home.” Jason said to Thor as he scratched the dog’s chest. Thor looked up at him as his oversized ears flopped with his long tongue dangling from his mouth. The dog closed his eyes at the belly rub, content to be outside. “Same, buddy, same.”

The beach was decently empty for a weekday. Parents lounged underneath large umbrellas as kids ran towards the water. Seagulls cawed from above as they circled the sky for free snacks. Thor lead Jason down the boardwalk, his tail wagging as he looked around. He was small for his age which worried Jason at first but Thor definitely had an appetite. “Hey Thor,” Jason asked as his ears perked at the sound of his name. “How about some vanilla ice cream?” Thor yelped excitedly, hopping back and forth at the word ice cream. Jason laughed as he walked towards the ice cream cart near the volleyball nets. He blinked for a moment, patting his phone in his pocket as he thought.

“She’s in Santa Monica, right?” Jason murmured to himself, thinking of a certain volleyball player.

Their interaction happened by accident. It was on Annabeth’s honorary Halloween Facebook post, with an Aquaman Percy opposite of her Black Canary. Annabeth had wrote ‘where my super pals at?’ with a string of superhero related emojis as her captions. A lot of responses were Batman, Spiderman and Ironman. Jason was on set, taking a break as he scroll through the post. Reyna’s picture caught his eye. Not only because she was beautiful but the Wonder Woman costume was well made complete with silver band guard and head band. ‘Wonder Woman reporting. Any Superman?’ She wrote cheekily. Jason smiled and impulsively grabbed his black rimmed glasses, snapping a selfie, and replied to her post. ‘No Superman. Just plain old Clark Kent right now.’

Jason grinned at the memory as he adjusted his sunglasses. He wasn’t able to see her reply because he was called away to shot his scene but when Jason returned, Annabeth created a group chat including him, Reyna and Percy.

Annabae: Gah how have you super nerds never met?

QueenReyna: Super nerd? Look who’s talking.

SeaweedBrain: Girls, you’re both nerdy. Reyna, this is Jason, my cousin. Jason, if you ever have a free moment to breath, this is Reyna. She won’t bite.

QueenReyna: :V

SeaweedBrain: Hey...

After that introduction, they’ve spoken often either in the group chat with Percy and Annabeth or in private messages. Jason wasn’t recognizable at that point, still doing small projects or cameos on teen sitcoms and dramas. Because of his work and travel, Jason didn’t meet people outside of the industry. It felt good having a friend who he could talk to about the latest Marvel trailer or someone to keep up with Game of Thrones with.

Jason’s phone buzzed as he stepped up to the ice cream cart, handing over his card. Thor whined as he looked at his treat as Jason struggled to hold the melting ice cream and phone. 

One does not simply get lost in Santa Monica. Reyna’s message read beside her contact photo. Jason laughed before thanking the man and walking off, tapping his response with one hand. 

This one does when jetlag. You busy? Jason looked at the last two words before quickly deleting them and tapping send. It felt too forward. Thor whined as he pawed Jason’s leg. He welcomed the puppy's distraction.

“I know buddy, let’s find a spot to sit.” Jason said as he walked towards the bleachers beside the volleyball nets.

Despite talking to Reyna on a nearly daily basis, he’d never met the girl in person. They’d done movie nights with Annabeth and Percy, all streaming the same movie at once while on a group call. He had helped her edit videos and her scripts for her youtube videos, offering advice for lighting and wording. He knew that Reyna was sharp, always quick with a witty comment in such a way that Percy would be proud. She was also extremely dedicated, balancing beach volleyball life with her active youtube channel. She was passionate, wanting to express herself and educate people. There’d been a video of her cycling around youtube of her speaking out about her roots and feelings about growing as a child of an immigrant. Jason thought of the video, feeling his heart ache as he recalled the sound of her voice, the look in her eyes, the unhidden emotions on the screen.

The need to see her after that video was strong. He wanted to gather Reyna up in his arms and hug her tightly, telling her how proud he was of her for speaking out. Jason sighed as he shook his head, not entirely sure  why he felt like this. 

“I want to see her.” Jason murmured, picking up Thor so the puppy sat beside him. Thor’s dark eyes zeroed in on the ice cream, not quite listening to his master rambling. Jason scooped a bit of vanilla ice cream for the puppy. “I’m not crazy relocating to LA, right?” For a girl, Jason added mentally.

Being near Reyna wasn’t his main reason. There’s so much potential work in LA, Jason’s agent mentioned when he described the part to Jason. It’s a recurring character in a medical drama that starred Tristan McLean. He got to work with Tristan McLean, an actor who had years of dramas and movies underneath his belt. It was an opportunity of a lifetime. Being near Santa Monica was just a convenient plus.

“AHHH look at Thor!” Jason and Thor both jumped at the excited cry. Thor spun around at the sound of his name, tail wagging like crazy. A group of teenagers in volleyball gear stood around, taking a break from their drills. A blonde tugged her friend’s arm as she shoved her phone at her. “Look at the golden fluff ball! He’s getting so much bigger. Gah, Rey, I just want to cuddle him.”

“Geez, Grace, you’re really whore-ing Thor out.” The girl with a visor said as she took the phone, leaning back slightly. Her dark hair tied up in a high ponytail. Jason’s eyes narrowed as he leaned forward, trying to get a glimpse of her face. Her friend said Rey. A pair of sleek sunglasses hid her eyes but something about her face shape felt familiar. Even from a distance, Jason could see her lips curl up as she looked at the dog picture. “Thor is a real cutie.”

Hearing his names called out way too many times, Thor barked and ran over. “Thor!” Jason shouted as he tried to grab the leash but the dog was too fast. He bounced over, running along the metal bleachers before colliding with the bags. The dark haired girl reacted quickly catching the eager puppy. Thor wiggled in her arms as he licked her cheek, knocking her sunglasses. “Thor…”

“Thor?” The girl said as she held the dog up. Thor barked happily.

“Oh my god…” The blonde murmured as she stared at Jason with wide eyes. “It’s him, Reyna.” Jason didn’t hear anything after she said Reyna. He stared at the dark-haired girl holding his puppy, a girl he had only seen on screen. Beads of sweat clung to her temple from the intense LA heat. Stray strands of hair stuck to her neck, following the curve of her chin. Reyna’s eyes are just as intense in person as they were in pictures, blinking at him. Even sweaty and messy, Reyna is very pretty. “It’s your Instagram boyfriend.”

“Instagram boyfriend?” Jason repeated amused. His heart thumped rapidly against his chest like he just ran a chase scene. Reyna’s cheeks flushed as she glared at her friend, adding color to her sun kissed skin.

“Gwen! Only you call him that.” Reyna shouted as she hiked Thor up in her arms. The puppy wiggled, tail wagging back and forth in excitement by all the people. Gwen laughed as Reyna shook her head at her before looking at Jason again. “I prefer Airhead.” She said coolly.

Jason nodded his head as he took a step closer. He didn’t know where to look, nervous by how much skin her beach shorts and sports bra revealed. He focused on her face, taking in the shape of her face. “You’re taller than I expected.” Reyna said when he stood in front of her.

“Taller than you, shortie.” Jason teased back, pleased he had half a head over her. Reyna huffed, held Thor between them like a shield. Jason almost forgot about the furball that caused this mess. “Hey troublemaker, making friends?” Thor panted happily with his tongue sticking out. Jason looked at Reyna again. “Can I have my dog back?”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” Reyna hummed as she rubbed her face against Thor’s furry head. “I might have to report you to PETA for doggie endangerment.” Jason rolled his eyes but grinned. It felt good hearing her quips instead of reading them on a screen. There’s so much more interaction in person. Jason could read the teasing smile on her lips. He could hear the playfulness in her voice. Her eyes sparkled as she tried not to smile too widely. Gwen watched the interaction amused, a sly smile creeping onto her face.

“Really? I finally get to see you and you’re gonna try to steal my dog?” Jason sighed dramatically before leaning down so he was eye level with Thor. Reyna’s breath hitched at their sudden closeness. Her arms instinctively tightened around Thor’s midsection. “Sorry buddy, looks like you have a new mommy.”

“Nope,” Reyna said quickly, shoving the dog into Jason’s arms. Her fingers brushed Jason’s and he tried not to jump at the contact. “My two very loyal greyhounds at home will already hate me for smelling like a puppy. And you don’t want to lose any Instagram followers. You know they’re only there for Thor.” Jason laughed and snaked his arms around her shoulders without thinking. Reyna yelped in surprised but fell into the hug freely. She wrapped her arms around Jason’s midsection.

“Hey.” Reyna whispered shyly, looking up at him.

“Hey yourself.” Jason whispered back, inhaling the scent of sea and salt from her hair. She’s real and in front of him. “Small world.”

“The smallest.” Reyna said back with a wide happy smile.

[efnewsservice]

April 13, 2018

Lana Parrilla interview pre 7.17

For this Friday’s episode of Once Upon a Time (ABC, 8/7c), original cast member Lana Parrilla found herself behind as well as in front of the camera.

Making her directorial debut, Parrilla helped bring to life a revamped tale of Hansel and Gretel, the former of which we now know to be Hyperion Heights’ Candy Killer. Her first foray into directing also of course came in the nick of time, with just six episodes left in the fantasy drama’s run.

Once Upon a Time: 10 Questions for the Series FinaleLaunch Gallery

Here, in TVLine’s last of so many Q&As over the years with Parrilla, she details how directing played right into her personal wheelhouse, before reflecting — Kleenex alert! — on the end of her reign as Regina fka the Evil Queen.

TVLINE | I have every faith that you went into this so incredibly prepared, but even so, was there anything that surprised you about your directing debut experience? I mean, I guess what surprised me was I had no idea how much actually goes into making a television show, or a movie, or any sort of production in our industry. I didn’t realize how many times we were going to read the script every single day, with every department, and go through every single detail of it. And I actually really enjoyed that part of it, because I am so detail oriented, and breaking stuff down on that level was a good percentage of the homework. I really, really appreciated how thorough every department was and how detailed everything was. I’d been wearing the actor’s hat for so long, I had no idea there was so much that went into it. Now having worn the director’s hat, I love it. It’s right up my alley. Prep is one of my favorite things to do, so it was really aligned with my process.

TVLINE | What’s a specific level of detail that the director gets involved in that we regular folk might not even consider? It varies because, as they say, film is the director’s medium, TV is a producer’s medium and stage is the actor’s medium. But what really surprised me was how open my producers were to my ideas — and I came with a lot of ’em. Especially with the gingerbread house and how I wanted the children to look, ideas for Rebecca [Mader]’s look and what happens at the midpoint in the script, and the energy and vibe I was looking for. And also visually what I wanted — color schemes, etcetera, the ambiance and the feel of a place, working with the art department…. I didn’t think that I was going to have as much input, but on Once Upon a Time they trusted me with the creative process more than I thought they would, and I was really taken by that. And very grateful.

TVLINE | Were there any specific directing challenges for this episode? Any stunt work or effects-driven scenes? Chilton Crane, who plays our Blind Witch, is an older woman, and there was a stunt that she had to perform. I was a bit concerned about her athleticism, whether this was something she had ever done before…. I envisioned the Blind Witch leaping into the air and landing in front of the Wicked Witch and holding a candy cane, threatening to stab her, and I wasn’t sure if Chilton could actually do that. I designed this whole stunt in my head and worked with the coordinator, and while there were a few little things we had to shift, at the end of the day it came together really, really well. I was very pleased, and very impressed with Chilton. She did an incredible job and really hung in there. A total trouper!

TVLINE | As we saw last week, “it’s personal” between Hansel and Zelena. Is that what these flashbacks are about? Yes, yes. There is a history there which you will see, while we also flash forward to Hansel seeking his revenge.

TVLINE | Henry of course has been abducted. Who all gets involved in that rescue operation? Well, there’s a few things happening there. The audience knows who the Candy Killer is, but a lot of us still don’t. Regina/Roni and Zelena/Kelly are working together to stop the Candy Killer, and then you also have the other side of it — our detectives are also on the hunt. Rebecca and I have teamed up like Lucy and Ethel. [Laughs] Or maybe we’re a little more Cagney and Lacey!

TVLINE | When I was on set, to hear Rose Reynolds say “Candy Killah” in her English accent, you almost want to meet the guy. She makes it sound adorable. She’s such a cutie! I love the girls.

TVLINE | I saw the video (embedded above) where you gave a speech to the fans gathered in Steveston watching filming [of Storybrooke scenes], and it was so wonderful. What specifically moved you to do that? It was my last scene in Steveston [British Columbia], and I was walking over to the green room when I saw this wall of fans. I just stood there for a minute to take it all in, and I felt so thankful and blessed that over the years we’ve had them follow us and be there to love and support us. Sometimes it can be an issue when we’re filming — sometimes we have to shift them around, etcetera — but to have a following like that is really special. I don’t know when that will happen again in my career, so I really wanted to take the time to acknowledge them and thank them. There are a lot of people who come from out of town, from all over the world, they’ve been saving all year to be there and get a glimpse of one of us…. I just thought it was really important to show my gratitude.

TVLINE | Regina has been such a hallmark role for you. Has there been a moment over the past couple of weeks where it really hit you that this was coming to an end? There have been several. Several, several. In fact, there was one just a few hours ago when I called [co-showrunner] Eddy [Kitsis] at the office on the lot, and on my phone it says “Once,” so I thought, “I’m going to have to delete this number at some point!” — and it hit me again. It has come in waves, and it has been very strange, because it’s so unknown. This has been such a huge part of my life for seven years — Vancouver, the show, the character – so it feels like a big, big loss, a big shift and change. It’s going to take some time to adjust.

I’ve had moments where I was really, really, really down, super-sad and emotional about it, and really felt like, “Oh my God, what’s next? What happens after this?” And I still have moments where I feel that way, but now I’m focused on the positive, which is: How lucky are we to have a show 22 episodes, sometimes 23, run for seven years? That doesn’t happen anymore, and I’m just really grateful.

[orbemnews]

Netflix and Amazon gave daring Indian filmmakers hope. Now that's turning to fear Even with two major, critically acclaimed films under her belt — “Kal: Yesterday and Tomorrow,” a thriller she wrote and directed, and “Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi,” a political drama that won Bollywood’s equivalent of an Academy Award — the work just wouldn’t come. Since then, the Mumbai-based filmmaker says she has “been inundated with work.” Her film “Guilty” — a social issues drama about a rape investigation — was released by the streaming giant in 2020. In the same year, Disney+ Hotstar released her 8-part comedy series “Hundred.” Now, increasing government scrutiny of these more provocative projects and other groundbreaking stories is worrying Narain and many other creators in Mumbai, the home of India’s film industry. Original shows on Amazon Prime and Netflix have lately drawn ire from Indian politicians and regular citizens who consider these films and TV shows insensitive to cultural and religious beliefs. Police complaints have also piled up against creators and company executives, and some of the offenses they have been accused of — including committing “deliberate or malicious acts, intended to outrage religious feelings” — carry prison terms of up to three years, a fine, or both. And, in recent months, Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s government has announced new rules and guidelines for streaming services, though no explicit bans on particular themes. India’s creative community now fears that streaming services may buckle under the pressure, and refrain from touching stories that are even remotely controversial. It’s a troubling sign for an industry that had just begun experimenting with new forms of storytelling and producing shows capable of worldwide appeal. Just last year, Delhi Crime, a Netflix drama series based on the real rape and murder of a 23-year-old student in India’s capital, won an international Emmy. Start of a new era The arrival of Amazon (AMZN) and Netflix in India has been a boon to directors and writers like Narain, who had long languished on the fringes of Bollywood — an industry often accused of nepotism. Several filmmakers told CNN Business they thought the international streaming services introduced a degree of professionalism. “I co-directed a film called ‘House Arrest,’ which was released on Netflix in 2019, and everyone on set was thrilled just because they were getting paid on time,” said Samit Basu, novelist and filmmaker. He added that the culture changed to one where rigorous research and development were commonplace. “A lot of book rights were auctioned and writers’ rooms started happening,” Basu added. “Earlier, people in the film industry hardly ever read books.” More importantly, these companies made it possible for storytellers to explore subjects that had previously been untouched. Bollywood films are hamstrung by the Central Board of Film Certification, which forces filmmakers to remove everything from kisses and swear words to shots of drug abuse — once even from a film about drug abuse. Indian TV, which is also regulated by the government, is dominated by often regressive stories about housewives and mothers-in-law. Streaming content broke that mold because it was, until recently, unregulated by the government. “Sacred Games,” Netflix’s first original series in the country, shocked Indian viewers by casting well-known actors in a show that liberally made use of abusive language, violence and nudity. The program was compared to “Narcos,” Netflix’s hit American drama about Colombian cocaine kingpin Pablo Escobar. Amazon’s first series in the country, meanwhile, was “Inside Edge” — a show about the dark underbelly of cricket, a sport that is worshipped in India. Both “Inside Edge and “Sacred Games” were nominated for International Emmy awards. Several other shows on the platforms have also taken an unflinching look at subjects ranging from politics to female sexuality, which Bollywood and Indian TV have typically shied away from. “I am glad I did my film for Netflix because they did not dilute anything,” said Narain, referring to her project “Guilty.” When a kiss offends Politically-fueled uproar over shows on these international video platforms isn’t new. “Sacred Games,” which was released in 2018, managed to offend lawmakers from Modi’s Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) and the opposition Congress Party. In 2019, a politician from the BJP filed a police complaint against the creator of the show for a “scene which disrespects Sikh religious symbol Kada.” But lately, the political and public outrage has reached a crescendo. Netflix faced boycott calls in November over “A Suitable Boy,” an adaptation of the award-winning novel of the same name by author Vikram Seth. Some viewers and BJP politicians were angered by a scene that depicts a Hindu man and a Muslim woman kissing in a temple, which led to complaints against Netflix executives. The company did not respond to CNN Business’s request for an update on these complaints. In January, Amazon’s political drama “Tandav” — which has been likened to the Netflix series “House of Cards” — faced a backlash from politicians who said they complained to the police about the company and the show’s creators for depicting Hindu Gods in a derogatory way. Aparna Purohit, the Head of India Originals at Amazon Prime Video, was questioned by police for several hours. Both Amazon and the show’s creators issued an apology. “We respect our viewers’ diverse beliefs and apologize unconditionally,” Amazon said in a statement. That same month, an Indian journalist filed a police complaint against Amazon’s crime series “Mirzapur” for “showing the city of Mirzapur in a bad light,” according to media reports. And this month, the National Commission for the Protection of Child Rights asked Netflix to stop streaming “Bombay Begums,” a drama about five ambitious women, because of its “inappropriate portrayal” of children, who were shown sniffing cocaine. The government has also taken official action to rein in streaming services and the content they provide. Last November, the Information and Broadcasting Ministry brought the previously unregulated services within its scope. Three months later, the government announced new rules for online content, including a requirement for video platforms to classify their content into age-based categories. They also have to appoint a “grievance redressal officer” in India who has to address every complaint made against the company within 15 days. While activists have criticized these rules, the government said the video streaming services must be “responsible and accountable” for their content. “India is tolerant and will remain tolerant,” India’s technology minister Ravi Shankar Prasad said on Thursday. “But the limits of tolerance and standards of tolerance should not be judged on the creating freedom or abuse of a particular producer of an OTT platform.” The new rules do not explicitly ban any type of content — but the vague scope of the regulations is also exactly why filmmakers who spoke to CNN Business were troubled. A wide range of topics have already been targeted with complaints and outrage, leaving creators second-guessing and self-censoring. “In India, anyone can have a problem with anything. In India, people confuse what a character is saying with what the writer believes,” said Sumit Purohit, who wrote for “Inside Edge” and “Scam 1992,” a web series on Sony’s streaming service SonyLiv. “How can you make a series like the ‘Mindhunter’ here?” he asked, referring to a Netflix show about serial killers. Purohit also described the impact of self-censorship on a writer, saying that it “makes you angry, frustrated,” because “that is not how any art is created.” The backlash from all sides — politicians, journalists, national agencies and even regular citizens — is hard for American services to fight in India, a key overseas market, as they are wary of getting on the wrong side of the government. Netflix CEO Reed Hastings said in 2018 his “next 100 million” users would come from India. In Dec 2019, he said his company would spend 30 billion rupees ($413 million) on original content over the next two years in India. And, Amazon’s Jeff Bezos has said that “it [Prime Video] is doing well everywhere but there’s nowhere it is doing better than in India.” A chilling effect There are already some signs that the industry might be regressing. Earlier this month, Reuters reported, citing unnamed sources, that “companies like Amazon’s Prime Video and Netflix are inspecting planned shows and scripts, with some even deleting scenes that could be controversial.” A few days later, the Indian financial newspaper Mint reported, citing anonymous sources, that Amazon had canceled the second season of the crime series “Paatal Lok,” which was praised for its portrayal of corruption and caste discrimination. Amazon and Netflix declined to comment on the reports. “Nothing that has politics in it is being touched [commissioned] right now,” said Josy Joseph, an investigative journalist whose media platform is collaborating with the creator of “Sacred Games” to make a series about Tihar Jail, India’s largest prison. “There is a massive depression that has set into the creative minds of Mumbai,” he said. “They are scared and writers are winding down to mediocrity. They are going back to telling saas-bahu stories or conservative romance.” (Saas-bahu means “mother-in-law and daughter-in-law” in Hindi.) While production isn’t slowing down — Netflix has announced 40 new shows and movies from India — Basu worries that production houses in the future may go for content that is “unambiguously safe” and “assumes that the audience’s intelligence is zero.” Just weeks after Prime Video executive Purohit was questioned by police, the platform announced it would produce its first film in Bollywood, the stronghold of traditional Indian movie making. “Ram Setu” will “highlight our Indian heritage,” said Vijay Subramanium, the head of content at Amazon Prime Video India, in a statement. Some filmmakers are less pessimistic about their creative freedom. Karan Anshuman, one of the creators of “Mirzapur” and “Inside Edge,” said he felt it was “too early to react” to the heightened scrutiny, adding that he would rather “wait and watch.” But film writer Arpita Chatterjee, said it is too late to rein in the Indian filmmaking community now. “We can’t just go back 20 years,” Chatterjee said. “The world is at a different place and storytellers are at a different place. You can’t just put the genie back in the bottle.” Source link Orbem News #Amazon #daring #Fear #filmmakers #gave #Hope #Indian #Netflix #turning