#i read the “His best friend. The awesomeness of that title is never gonna wear off.” line and went insane like ohh my god

[hazmatazz]

reading childhood beat friend to lover fics that are centered around when they were just childhood best friends is sooo much fun because yeah they platonically love each other rn and are fascinated by each other and are soo excited they're best friends but every line can sooo easily be repeated when they're older and in romantic love and still fascinated by each other and are boyfriend(s)/girlfriend(s)

[tendertokyo]

My take on NCT at Hogwarts

what is it with me and being active on this god forsaken app all of a sudden... anyways, i know that we've thrown jk rowling in the garbage but listen i can't just throw away my whole childhood for one stupid rich white cis woman. also i have no idea what's going on with the neos but when do i ever? alright here we go

taeil: he's giving me frustrated hufflepuff, like he really wished to be in gryffindoor but it didn't work out. think he'd be a halfblood and have a pet toad. likes to visit hagrid for tea sometimes. simps over some bad bitch in slytherin, really thinks she's into him too, everyone tells him she's way out of his league. broke his wand twice already trying to open a can of sardines

taeyong: also strong hufflepuff energy. he's the keeper and captain of their quidditch team and a prefect too, picked purely cause he's good with kids. walks around without his scarf in the cold winter because he wrapped it around ten's neck one morning and nagged on him for not taking care of his health properly, never got the scarf back and doesn't mind. i feel like snape would intimidate the crap out of him, like he would not be able to stay calm during his classes rip. he'd be adored by all the other teachers though, especially flitwick who believes he's really gifted in charms

johnny: a gryffindoor pureblood and keeper and captain of the quidditch team. always the one who tries to talk things out with mcgonnagall when they pull some stupid shit and get caught, never successful. has the marauders map and likes to throw underground raves in hidden rooms and tunnels. buddies with peeves and the house elves. buddies with everyone actually. and regardless of liking him like that or not, every girl in school has fantasized of fucking him in the quidditch locker room showers ooooop-

yuta: omg the heartbreaker of the school. a halfblood slytherin prefect and beater. snape's favourite student, like he gets whatever he wants from that man without trying. everyone is lowkey into him cause of his hot and mysterious vibe and there are so many rumours about his sex life circulating around, but no one actually knows if he's seeing someone. people also speculate he's a metamorphmagus but no lol he just dies his hair a lot. has a pet cat who's mean to everyone except him and mark. likes to explore the forbidden forest cause he's a weirdo

doyoung: a ravenclaw pureblood who hates quidditch, only shows up for taeyong's matches and nags him afterwards if hufflepuff loses. he's the headboy and happily uses his title to threaten haechan. hates divination with a passion and idolizes mcgonnagal, as he should. knows everyone's bussiness in the whole damn castle, never starts drama but almost always ends it. used to tutor some younger students but they quickly realised he's a mini mcgonnagall and zoomed straight outta there. snape lowkey wishes he was in slytherin but don't tell anyone

kun: gryffindoor headboy, probably the calmest person in that entire house and the only one who can kinda control the chaos. if yangyang or hendery annoy him too much he'll give them the wrong password on purpose, mcgonnagal has this unspoken respect for him for that reason. feels really bad for the house elves and wants to help them as much as he can. known as the dad or daddy of gryffindoor, depending on who you ask hehehehe

ten: the artsiest ravenclaw but fucking terrible at riddles, so he's always stuck at the door unless someone let's him inside lmao. is super into divination but purely for the aesthetic. never wears his uniform properly, always wears taeyong's scarf and lots of witchy jewelry. started a dance club in the room of requirement, loves hogwarts halloween with his whole heart. set a classroom on fire once and managed to sneak away undetected. always hooks up with someone at johnny's parties

jaehyun: the fucking fratboy of gryffindoor. he's a halfblood and a chaser on the quidditch team. left so many girls on read oh my god. sneaks alcohol and weed into school, coorganizes parties with johnny, yuta and mark. people think he's this hot bad boy or some shit, lol no bitch he's a dumbass don't waste your energy on a doofus like him, have you heard his laugh he sounds like a 45 year old man. mcgonnagall doesn't trust him at all, always looks at him with shifty eyes. the fat lady flirts with him everytime he approaches the commonroom door

winwin: on the snobby pureblood side of slytherin, like he gives off really judgy vibes. is in ten's dance club, there's a rumor going around that he's an animagus 'cause he moves gracefully like a cat or smth, but he isn't he's just really talented. spends most of his time in the owlery petting birds. the bloody baron freaks him out, most of the ghosts do. tried to be a big brother figure to renjun and chenle but they bullied his ass like crazy so he dropped them like hot potatoes

jungwoo: the most confident gryffindoor y'all. he's a muggleborn and a chaser. has the cutest pet owl, is really into care of magical creatures. snape hates him because he's too "sunny" of a person. wild at parties but looks fine in the morning somehow. the biggest flirt you'll ever meet and has so many bitches wrapped around his little finger lol, there's a rumor going around that he's real beast in bed. awesome at dueling, uses his cute airhead shtick to apsolutely destroy people. can you tell i love his pisces ass?

lucas: a hufflepuff halfblood and beater. wannabe fuckboy but can't because he cares too much lol, those muscles are made of feelings dawg. hits on every girl he sees and is almost always successful 'cause we're weak for cute and sweet himbos. is the biggest show off on the quidditch field and has his own fan club. really into care for magical creatures, like literally wants to befriend every single one of them, hagrid has to pull his ass away from them before he gets hurt rip

mark: a gryffindoor prodigy, a muggleborn and a chaser. the most stressed prefect you've ever seen. mcgonnagall has a soft spot for him and everyone knows it. snape dislikes him but respects him because he's fucking brilliant at potions. a lot of people like him and are into him but he doesn't know how to respond to them lol socially awkward king. plans parties with johnny yuta jaehyun and ten, is always roped into the dreamies schemes against his will. no one can fucking tell if him and haechan are on good terms cause they're at each other's throats all the time, but slobber all over each other like crazy when they get drunk

xiaojun: the most emotional ravenclaw. a halfblood and a prefect. he dated a girl for a long time and she broke his heart, moped about it in the prefect's bathroom for ages. lowkey believes she cheated on him with yuta but isn't sure, is extra weary around him though. says he's done with love but then simps over a new girl every two weeks smh. no one understands how he's such good friends with hendery and yangyang, like the combination of the two of them is a recipe for disaster. whenever they rope him into their bullshit, he always manages to drop their asses in the perfect time and doesn't get caught. many portaits are jealous of him 'cause he has better bone structure then them lol

hendery: the best definition of a gryffindoor. comes from a rich pureblood family, is a beater on the quidditch team. he's the life of the party, man. out of all the students he hates, he is the one snape hates the MOST and he's so proud of that. a really fast runner so he never ends up in detention 'cause it's just too hard to catch him. buddies with the ghosts and hagrid. tries really hard to impress girls, it only works half of the time when he's not being too intense

yangyang: also a gryffindoor pureblood, tried out for the chaser position but didn't make it, is still bitter about it. has a really fucked up owl that always messes up his letters. constantly in detention, like he's cleaned that entire castle by himself 43 times already. also in ten's dance club, also really good at dueling when he actually tries. really into muggle culture, explores it in his free time and shows everyone cool, new music he found all the time. gives kun daily headaches cause he's way too energetic in the morning

shotaro: imma say he's a hufflepuff but don't quote me on that cause i don't know him that well. he seems like he'd have lots of friends though and would be in ten's dance club

sungchan: don't know him well either so i'll just say gryffindoor??

renjun: i'm torn between ravenclaw and slytherin, gonna go with slytherin for him. he's a halfblood and a prefect, also uses his title to threaten haechan. loves defence against the dark arts anď herbology, might become a healer someday. gets tricked by the moving staircases all the fucking time, ends up at madam pomfrey's way more than he likes to admit. likes the slytherin aesthetic but can't stand the evil stereotypes. most people think him and chenle are brothers, wants to strangle chenle when he plays into it. once told the bloody baron to fuck off, no one dares get on his bad side since that day

jeno: pureblood hufflepuff prefect and a chaser. he's the cute, athletic guy everyone has a crush on. is on snape's good side 'cause he likes cleaning up his brewing station after finishing the task the lession is about. is the best flyer in the entire school and has the best chance of getting scouted in the future, everyone knows it but if you mention it to him he blushes like crazy. i feel like he's been in many fwb situations but they all ended well because he's a gentleman

haechan: a slytherin through and through. halfblood and seeker on the quidditch team. thought he was gonna be prefect and was hella pissed he wasn't chosen, i mean hello you're a snake who would want to give a snake authority goddamn it. also always complains during quidditch matches, calls everything a foul just 'cause he wants to win. puts up this persona of the mischevious slytherin boy but it falls flat on it's ass because he's peeves's favourite target

jaemin: a muggleborn hufflepuff, because of that reason he's sworn to himself he'll take care of jisung like a mother. a chaser on the quidditch team. such a sweetheart my gosh, like that dude is always so happy, unless he hasn't drunk his 6 cups of coffee. speaking of, mcgonnagall and pomfrey worry for his health like crazy but won't admit it. excells at care for magical creatures and charms, horrible at ancient runes like he didn't think there'd be so much math involved. girls are also crazy into him but he's such an introvert, the thought of someone wanting to be around him so much scares him. still flirts with everything that breathes lol

chenle: a slytherin and a pureblood, from one of those rich old families. because of that people expect him to be a lil brat, turns out to be the coolest guy you'll ever meet. he's friends with everyone regardless of house, a chaser on the quidditch team, known as the one who scores the most points in a game. he's great at defence against the dark arts and transfiguration, is thinking about becoming an auror 'cause that dude fears nothing i'm telling you. was made a prefect instead of haechan, rubs it in his face like crazy, but ultimately just let's people get away with stupid shit like "haha nice one, respect". memorized all the secret passageways of the castle in his head, helps johnny, mark, ten and jaehyun with their parties. pisses off filch like no other, was in detention all the time with yangyang until they realised how terrible it is when the two of them are in close contact lol so he gets let off the hook all the time. also fucking flirts with everything that breathes, the biggest fucking tease like you never know what he means smh

jisung: jaemin's muggleborn hufflepuff son, though most people are surprised he isn't in gryffindoor 'cause god the reckless shit that boy pulls... always late to breakfast with his uniforn all messy. people think he's very innocent but like his bestfriend is chenle, so how pure could he be. he's a seeker on the quidditch team, goes extra hard during hufflepuff-slytherin matches 'cause he wants to knock haechan off his high horse. blushes like crazy whenever he sees a cute girl which only gives chenle more reason to tease him 'cause he's a lil bitch like that. is the star of ten's dance club but has tripped and fallen down multiple flights of stairs, this kid's a walking paradox

to conclude:

gryffindoor: johnny, kun, jaehyun, jungwoo, mark, hendery, yangyang, sungchan

hufflepuff: taeil, taeyong, lucas, jeno, jaemin, shotaro, jisung

ravenclaw: doyoung, ten, xiaojun

slytherin: yuta, winwin, renjun, haechan, chenle

[foolish-scribbles]

Megamind but they’re in college and everyone is human and other things that come with that!

I’m terrible at titles, so when I transfer this to ao3 it’ll most likely be called something different, but I’ll post updates when that happens.

Sorry for the weird spacing, I copied and pasted from Google docs, and I’m guessing that was a rookie mistake?

Word Count: 1504

Term Papers and Microwaves of Evil (Megamind College AU)

Chapter 1

“It is with great pleasure that I write to inform you of your acceptance to the University of MetroCity.”

Blue allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief as he read the seemingly innocuous yet life-altering words. He chuckled at the typo.

Then he looked up at Minion, or Milo Piraña as the name said on the lease, from across the counter of their shared studio apartment kitchenette, Minion, who watched with all the sweet expectation of a giant puppy looming over his significantly smaller, life-long best friend.

Blue smirked.

“I’m in, of course,” he provided, smugly.

His roommate’s hopeful eyes welled up and Blue could do nothing but watch as his poor friend broke into deep, obnoxious sobs.

The chin quivering, snot producing kind. Blue allowed the behemoth to lean his towering head against his own soon to be filthy shoulder, and took a mental note to wash the band t-shirt he was wearing later.

“What’s wrong, Little Minnow?” He asked as he patted his friend’s shoulder, awkwardly.

“I-I’m ju-hust so PROUUD OF YOMMMMMFFF!”

The younger man buried his head deeper into Blue’s shoulder and wrapped his strong prosthetic arms around their creator’s smaller frame.

Blue smiled under his weight and sighed knowingly. Then once his roommate’s surge of emotions had passed, he pushed him off and procured them some toilet paper to serve as tissues.

Minion took them all willingly and blew his nose unabashed before using his own shirt to dry the rest of his tears.

“Now talk to me like an adult, you big drama queen!” The older man chastised, playfully.

“I guess I just know that you’ll do amazing, and I’ll watch you succeed, and you won’t understand how much I’ve watched you grow,” Minions’s chin quivered slightly and the emotional volcano threatened to erupt once more, but Blue quickly interrupted.

“Grow? What are you talking about, you overgrown oaf? I’m supposed to be telling you these things, not the other way around!”

And it was true. Minion and Blue had been inseparable for a long time, but the giant was two years younger than himself and Blue had always felt responsible for him because of it. The prosthetic arms he’d designed for his friend were constant works in progress but they dated back to the summer before Blue entered high school.

The summer his grandfather and last living relative passed away.

He remembered spending weeks in his old middle school’s supposedly inaccessible robotics lab 3D printing and attaching and destroying and tinkering until Minion-his-lovable-self came to rescue him.

He didn’t like looking in mirrors back then, but when Minion tells the story, he asserts that the child genius looked worn and undead, with bloodshot eyes and stinky clothes so old and weathered, they had oil and paint stains from his knees to his neckline.

He definitely exaggerates.

It was all for him though, Blue knows.

Before the arms, there was always some teacher or assistant helping him with menial tasks that drew more attention than they were worth.

Blue had been sufficiently bullied growing up to learn that cruel middle schoolers hate things that stick out. It doesn’t matter to them whether one's oddities were a physical handicap or social maladaptation, they both became targets regardless.

It was actually how they had met.

Two outcasts hiding under the slide during recess. Blue had brought his comic books and was happy to share. The rest is history.

Minion wiped his resurgence of tears and grinned sweetly before pulling him into another brief yet tight embrace.

“You’re gonna do awesome, man,” he affirmed.

Blue knew he was right. He could never remember failing at anything he couldn’t fix in his entire life, but a parasitic thought gnawed at the back of his brain.

The thought that maybe someday soon he’d have to confront the broken thing that could never be fixed. And maybe it was him.

-

The weeks that followed were a whirlwind of part-time work and school shopping.

Blue was incredibly fortunate to have been taken in after that fateful summer and adopted by his best friend’s parents for his last four years as a minor, but the kicker?

They were loaded.

He had never been especially poor. Lower middle class was a better descriptor of the boy genius’ childhood. But now he knew he was far more wealthy than average.

Blue paid one-fourth of rent, per his choice, but everything else was provided for by the Pirañas.

The two years he’d spent in community college, all of his clothes, the groceries he cooked with once a week, all of his tools, and most recently, his university tuition— bought and endorsed by the Pirañas.

They loved him as their own, no doubt grateful for all of the help he provided their son, but even 6 years later it was a lot for Blue to take in.

His adoptive brother however had never lived without luxury. Their shared apartment was small and humble in comparison to the bachelor pad he had been promised for years, but the thing about Milo was that he was always willing to make sacrifices for his loved ones.

He had been the one to suggest they pay for Blue’s tuition instead of an extra two rooms a month. And he had even taken time out of his own busy student schedule to restock his best friend’s miserable closet.

The time between Blue’s acceptance and his first day of school had given them each just enough time to develop a new style for the amateur engineer.

From leather jackets, to tasteful docs, Blue was finally wearing all of the edgy dark clothing he had secretly loved as a kid. And Minion was loving every second of dressing up his friend like an enlarged Barbie doll.

Their styles were ironically inverses of each other. Minion had always loved obnoxiously bright colors and his ever-changing arms so much that he wore beachy tank tops or patterned button downs as often as possible. Blue, on the other hand, had been self-conscious about his body for a long time and liked to blend in to himself with darker colors and lots of black in general.

Nonetheless, they supported each other’s styles to the best of their ability. That is, Blue encouraged his friend verbally, and the young prince supported him with affirmation and the financial means.

The night before Blue’s big day, they had laid out an outfit for the morning.

Minion started school two weeks after him at a community college next door, another sacrifice he made for his roommate.

So there was only one set of clothes strewn out for the first time in 6 years.

The moon passing by their window caused a glint in a rhinestone of the leather jacket that felt more like a wink. The unfamiliar shape seemed to have a swagger that Blue hadn’t ever tapped into in himself. But starting tomorrow that was all going to change.

Minion was already asleep in his comically small twin XL size bed, so Blue began his nightly routine quieter than normal. He probably should have been asleep too, but as usual, he spent far more time than was needed scanning over the blueprints for his friends arms, looking for ways to improve them. None of his future plans were looking possible without a certain tool he’d been saving up for with his own money because he hated asking the Pirañas for anything, so with a heavy sigh he put the blueprints away and allowed himself a little downtime on his phone.

They say specialized marketing algorithms are created for each individual's interests. That being the case, his feed is usually filled with science videos and memes about his sexuality, one such combination catching his attention immediately.

“Ding Dong, the Prof is Dead! Will Daddy Mann Be Returning To His Alma Mater?”

It was an article with a picture of his idol, Metreaux Mann, right above the header. He read it from top to bottom and drank in every last word.

The organization was student-run and not school sanctioned in the least, so the likelihood that they were talking out of their ass was so unbelievably high. At least that's what Blue had to remember before he spent all night too excited to sleep for the coming day.

Nothing was certain, he affirmed in his thoughts.

But there were rumors that the ultra-famous prosthetics engineer would be returning to his hometown to teach at its university. The university Blue had specifically chosen to train under the same instruction as his idol and clear celebrity crush. And now he was going to be learning directly from the hunk of beautiful meat and mind himself.

It was a motherfucking dream come true.

That night he had to take some melatonin supplements to even close his eyes, but as soon as the genius had fallen asleep, he dreamt of men with abs and millions of prosthetic arms bringing him a leather jacket and a sly smile.

Gorgeous and full of promise.

[unmanageable-day]

Come to me

PART 1 - next

Summary. After what happened in a relationship in the past, you found it difficult to trust someone with the gentleman image. 'Gentleman' seems like merely a concept and it was probably impossible for someone to be a genuine one. Now that you're stuck with the number one gentleman at campus for a group project, how would you cope with the one and only Joshua Hong?

Genre. College!au, non-idol!au / friends to lover

Pairing. Joshua x y/n x a little bit of S.Coups, and a sprinkle of Wonwoo

a/n: my brain cannot make plots with ‘y/n x ???’ like those awesome smau writers. anyway this is the first svt series i write! as i’m practicing smau, there will be some parts with texts and social media too! i’ve gotten into svt not long ago and yeah picking a bias in svt is like you pick one and you get 12 for free. if you have time to let me know what you think of this, i’d appreciate it somuch! i can’t update regularly so i don’t think im gonna make taglist like other writers. but if you’d like to be tagged, don’t hesitate to say so! stay safe and stay healthy everyone!! xoxo

"I guess it's just Jisoo now," Johnny informed you for a group project.

It was surely not the first time you encountered people with the same name. Since your school days, there would be at least two Lee Jieuns, three Kim Jonghyuns, and many Minhos or Jaehyuns with various surnames. You just had to ask which one of them if any of your friends mentioned their names without the surname. This, of course, happened until college. One day when you were assigned for a group project, Johnny Suh, the oldest member in your group, asked you to find someone named Jisoo so all of you could gather and start working on the project. Unusually, you didn't ask which Jisoo it was. You were quite certain that you had met two Jisoos since the first day of college. So you thought it would be a piece of cake to find one of them.

"Hey, I've met Kim Jisoo and she said she had taken this class. I spoke to other Jisoo, that guy who goes anywhere with Jieun. He also didn't take this class." You looked at your groupmates, confused.

"I asked Choi Jisoo too. She does take this subject but not the one with Professor Choi," added Suhyun.

You tilted your head, slightly curling your eyebrows. "Is there another Jisoo?" you mumbled with your lips pouted.

"That would be me."

You and the other friends look up at the deep voice that came out of nowhere. The puzzled look was not only appeared on your face, but also on all your groupmates.

"Joshua?" you said his name in confusion, exchanging looks with Johnny and Suhyun.

"Wait a minute." Johnny rushed to dig his bag, searching for a piece of paper that he got from the professor's assistant regarding the group members. Now that he remembered he might not have told you which Jisoo that should be on your group. "Hong Jisoo? Hong Jisoo is Joshua Hong?"

"That's correct," he answered with his unfazed face.

Joshua Hong was a transferred student who came in the second year. You were 200% sure that on his first day, he introduced himself with the name Joshua. That was the one and only information you knew about him. How were you supposed to know that he officially enrolled with his Korean name? Even all the lecturers call him Joshua too. Even Johnny, the social butterfly who knows everyone, who was also a transferred student from the States didn't talk much to him. But again, you never really noticed who your classmates were. The class was always too big, which was the excuse you'd always use.

"Anyway," Suhyun broke the silence. Finally. You were too dumbfounded that you just froze still, trying to process and make sure that Johnny didn't mistake the group members. "Let's just get started because we still have a lot to do, shall we?"

You let Suhyun and Johnny divide the workload for the four of you. And somehow Johnny decided to make pairs so you can work in 2 subgroups. Being a wise man as he claimed to be, he wouldn't let you pick Suhyun to pair with you, saying that every process had to be fair and square. You gave him a judging look, since you knew he also wanted to be with Suhyun because it can be said that she was one of the brightest in class.

"Let's draw," Johnny initiated. He got a pouch—your pouch which he took with force—that was filled with markers and continued, "There are 2 pink and 2 black markers. So, good luck with your hands."

The four of you took turns to pick the marker, starting from the boys. Johnny, who got a pink marker, grinned wide at you, slightly giving a victory vibe, just when Joshua picked a black one. You glared at him. When the chance was 50:50 between Johnny and Joshua, you couldn't even think of anything. First of all, you were not familiar at all with this Hong Jisoo. You had no idea what his pace was like. And you might not be able to order him around. Second, when it came to Johnny, obviously you were much closer with him. You were friends after all. But you knew his pace. You can give him orders and commands but it didn't mean that he would do it. So there were possibilities that you might have to do all the big work unless you were willing to have adrenaline rush, since Johnny was that deadliner type.

"Let's take it at the same time," Suhyun suggested, in which you agreed immediately. You gritted your teeth, hoping it would help you to not lose the poker face you were wearing. Then the markers of fate were revealed. Johnny almost jumped out of joy when the pink marker was in Suhyun's hand. He immediately gave Suhyun a high-five. Meanwhile you quietly turned to Joshua who had been silence since he joined the discussion. You tried to read his expression, but you looked away when his eyes searched yours.

"Anyway, let's get along and get this work done with good marks," Joshua initiated speaking.

You almost startled yourself after hearing clearly how soft Joshua's voice was. Like, it had somewhat a soothing effect to your ears. "Yeah, sure." You flashed him your best smile.

"Do you mind if I leave, like, now? Because I have to run some errands," he asked, still with that gentle, calming voice. The way he spoke and his aura certainly hit differently; it made him the weird one within your group which consisted of loud people. Sometimes you thought yourself to be a calm person too. But now looking at Joshua Hong, you started thinking that you might not be as calm as you thought.

"Yeah, no problem. We've got everything covered. Johnny will manage everything, including the online worksheet so you can just look up everything there. I'll let you know when it's ready."

"Okay, cool. I think Johnny has my number. So you can ask him."

You nodded, pretending to look just a little bit excited. After Joshua left, the fake smile on your lips disappeared and you let out a heavy sigh. Your face landed on your thick textbook. A small groan slipped off your mouth, showing your frustration which Johnny and Suhyun can't really find the reason why. They just didn't see why being grouped with someone like Joshua who had nothing but positive track record in public could be troublesome.

Johnny nudged you on the shoulder. "Hey, don't be like that. You don't even know him."

"I'll tell you a fun fact about him if that makes you feel any better." Suhyun unusually used her cheerful tone. You just knew it must be something unnecessary or something that you didn't want to know about. "Lately he becomes the it guy because he was spotted helping some freshmen, and suddenly he earned title of being a gentleman. Some of my friends also said that he always behaves with such a manner in parties. He doesn't get drunk and does stupid things, because he drinks in moderation."

Raising your head, your brows furrowed with your eyes squinting. "And why do I want to know about this?"

"She's saying that he's a catch. Who knows you're gonna get laid." Johnny clicked his tongue and winked at you.

Your eyes rolled as you sighed. "Not gonna happen. His first impression of me was not really good. I mistook him for an exchange student I was supposed to guide, so I dragged him here and there, causing him to be late on his first class—the evil Professor Lee's class! The next day I tripped over my own feet and basically threw my coffee at him." You groaned as you recalled the memory of meeting Joshua Hong for the first time. He was still as calm and quiet as now. But you can't really forget his expression when Professor Lee scolded him, and when he silently tried to wipe off the coffee stain on his white sweater. "Seriously, if you were him, you must hate me too. Even I hate me sometimes."

"Yeah, but you didn't do it on purpose?"

"Whatever." You stood up as you put back your stuff in your bag, getting ready to leave. "I'm not sure why but I feel guilty for mistaking him for another Jisoo. It's already awkward between me and him. Unless you want to switch partner—yes, I'm talking to you, John."

"It will only worsen the awkwardness between you if I say yes to switch."

Ugh, this giant has a point. But it was not like you wanted to make up to Joshua Hong. Or eventually, you had to? At least for the sake of this group project?

[ishouldbestudyingprobably]

Hey uh- could i request another barley x reader? the previous one was so cute! maybe some sort of date night one-shot? whatever you chose!❤️

Thank you so much for requesting!! I’m gonna become the CEO of Barley fanfics LOL! (I’d gratefully take that title tho)

To put you on a bit of context, this takes place AFTER the movie unlike my previous one-shot, of course I’ll try to keep it as spoiler free as possible considering the movie is going to come out to Disney + in just a few days and some of you haven’t seen it yet, but maybe I slip something so, please beware.

Also, I have been reading more fanfics in English recently and noticed they are written in a you-did-this-and-said-that way instead of how we do them in Spanish; I’ll be continuing to them in my way unless you guys tell me it annoys you or something.

WELL, SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU WAITING, LET’S GET TO IT! ALSO THIS IS SO LONG SORRY--

(Y/N) definitely had no idea how she ended up on the Lightfoot’s home. Now, listen, it’s not that she didn’t like them ‘cause she as hell did it was just confusing considering a few hours prior to that she was just walking around the neighborhood.

“Ian, come on! Show her your magic!” Barley was having a hard time since he was trying so hard to make his little brother show the girl how his magic worked and poor Ian was shy about it, sure his confidence had been boosted but, come on, that was way too much pressure.

“Barley it’s okay, really, I believe you. I bet it’s amazing and you guys make an incredible team together. Let Ian go.” the girl chuckled seeing as the smaller elf smiled thankful and made his way out of the room feeling relieved.

“What? No! Ian get back here!!” see, the boy with a cast on his arm was hoping to use his brother as an excuse to have the female the longest time possible by his side, he was definitely going to ask her on a date but needed that boost of confidence being in a room with people gave.

Although now that they were alone he wouldn’t lie saying it wasn’t enjoyable, but soon that intimate moment of piece was to be broken by the young girl standing up making the bed rigid on the side she had been sitting on.

“This was... fun. But I really should get going home, my family would be worried plus it’s lunch time and... You know.” (Y/N) tried to excuse herself as politely as possible seeing as how she didn’t want to give the impression she wasn’t having fun and didn’t enjoy the presence of the older son of the Lightfoot’s family. Barley soon realized he had to jump now and ask her out or he’d never get the chance to. “Would you like to meet me? Alone? Maybe drive around, have dinner...” the boy put on his widest smile as if that were going to make her accept his invitation.

“Wait, wait, wait, wait. Are you... Asking me out? On a date? Tonight?” the girl replied trying to hide her grin while putting a strand of her voluminous hair behind her pointy ear which had efficiently caught the male’s attention. “I wouldn’t call it a date, more like a quest to make you fall in love with me because I totally am and it would be pretty cool if you did as well? But, you could always call it a date, I wouldn’t correct you even though you’re completely wrong.” that was enough to make the small elf chuckle which made Barley’s heart skip a few beats.

“It’d be a pleasure to help you complete this quest oh-so-awesome Barley Lightfoot. How about 8? No need for formal clothes, quests don’t require suits or dresses.” now it was him who was chuckling, how couldn’t he? His friend had never ever ever played his favourite roleplaying game yet always tried her best to make as much references to it without completely failing at the process, it was adorable. “8 sounds amazing. Farewell, oh-so-cool-to-play-games (Y/N) (S/N).”

And so the time came and the bell started ringing; one, two, three, four times and just as the fifth was about to made itself present the girl rushed to the door “Okay, okay got it! I’m coming!” grabbing the door handle she opened it revealing the young elf wearing a suit -well, a modified one since the sleeves of his jacket were completely gone and decided to wear jeans with the suit, formal for sure- contrasting with her usual clothing. “We said no dressing up!” the boy just shrugged and clearing his throat he moved to the side revealing Guinevere 2 in all its glory. “Shall we get going?” the girl smiled and gladly accepted getting out and making sure to close the door.

They made their way to the van and Barley hurried to open the door of the passenger seat bowing as his friend got inside and closed the door trying -and failing- to hide his smile. As soon as they were both seated the boy opened her mouth and took a folded piece of paper from his pocket. “So, (Y/N)... I hope your ready for our quest because I’ve been planning this all day!” slowly the boy opened the folded paper showing a drawn map of different places in Mushroomton that he thought would be of interest and appropriate for a date surprising his companion in the process. “Did you realy do that? That’s so impressive…” the male just smiled and motioned for her to hold the map and turned on the engine.

“Now my incredible partner, tell me, which is the first stop?” he couldn’t help the excitement his tone glad everything was going according to plan at the moment.

“Uhm, well, the exciting-full-of-teenagers house of fun?” what kind of name was that? The drawing didn’t really gave much about the place either, not only because his art skills weren’t exactly… Clear?

But because he modified them to be fitting on the Quests of Yore world. “Heading there!” and just like that the car drive began. They both were constantly talking and joking, it may have been a date-quest thing but after all they were still friends, why would they be quiet?

When they finally arrived to the place she got out the car excited to see what it was about and found a luminous neon sign indicating the entry to the arcade.

“The arcade was the exciting-full-of-teenagers house?” again the elf just shrugged grinning which made the female roll her eyes. “Amazing! I’m actually thinking this is going to be the greatest day of my life…”

What can I say? Videogames were definitely something they both were extremely good at and that sparked a tiny competition between them. Driving games? You bet! That knock the clown game that’s always typically seen in carnivals at those cheesy romantic movies? Yup! In the end they decided to count the tickets each one got to decide a winner.

“I’ve got… 238 tickets, how about you, Lightfoot?” the boy didn’t seem happy and (Y/N) soon knew he was dreading his defeat. “I got 197....” mockery could be heard from the female’s lips before they cut off the rivalry and decided to combine both of their tickets getting 435 tickets which were enough for…

“A unicorn rubber?!” the girl sighed as they were gettin in the car again. “I hate this stupid games, they’re fun but you alway have to win around a billion tickets to actually WIN something.” she continued ranting, something Barley found really entertaining but cut her off mid sentence as they were running out of time. “When did you have to get home?” it effectively cut her off. There was a small silence

before she could respond “Around 10 I believe, you know how they are…” he just nodded and looked at his watch; it was 9:17 meaning they had to do a shortcut on their plans.

“Okay, we’re runnin out of time, skip the following two places and tell me the next one after them.” she did as asked and traced the drawn road with her fingers. “It says brainwash.” an odd name for sure.

“Brainwash it is.”

Of course, brainwash was referring to movies, they were going to watch a movie specifically a drive in movie, is there anything more romantic than that? No.

“Barley… This is so sweet, thank you! What movie are they playing?” turning her head towards the giggly boy she asked nothing but amusement in her face. “No idea. I’m gonna go grab popcorn, make yourself comfortable on top of Guinevere 2, please.” just like that he was gone and (Y/N) had a new adventure, finding the way she could get on the van’s roof.

After a while Barley got back with a huge stack of popcorn finding her loved one on the roof, smiling to himself he admired all of her features. Soon he got on top shaking the oh-so-special van on the process. “Here’s the popcoooorn!” he announced with an excited tone and put them between him and the girl.

The movie was ten minutes in and no noise was heard but the sound of chewing popcorn. Leaning in the female asked in the boy’s ear “Do you like this movie?” he replied in a whisper “No it’s so boring.” that’s when they both started laughing being shushed by the cars around them. “Let’s get out of here. We still have twenty minutes left.” Without bothering to take the popcorn they both walked north finding a calm forest where they laid on the grass looking at the sky. “So, Barley, is it true? That you like me?”

That was a very direct question he definitely wasn’t prepared for “Well, of course it is! You’re an incredible girl, an incredible friend and I bet you’d be an incredible girlfriend!” the girl chuckled making Barley’s heart melt. And then, he asked “Do you like me?”. Silence hurts, so much, but before any assumption could be made she replied “Yes, of course I do.”

Silence again.

“So, have you completed your quest now?” (Y/N) curiously asked. “I still have one more thing to do.” and, the kiss came.

QUEST COMPLETED.

Oh boy was that long... Hope you enjoyed your request and for everyone else, request! Don't be shy!

TAGLIST:

@ferox-imagines @s-ferox

[riovidal-harkness]

I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her (1/1)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences

Pairing: Bechloe

Words: 6.6K

Summary: Beca is quietly in love with her best friend/roommate. They go out for drinks after a long week of work. What could possibly go wrong?

Notes: Title from and fic inspired by Calum Scott's cover of Dancing On My Own. Set in the 'PP3 doesn't exist but bechloe still live together in the Brooklyn apartment' universe. I apologize if it's a little rusty, this is my first fic in years.

Read on AO3!

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Beca lets out an exaggerated sigh as she kicks the door shut with her foot, immediately dropping her bag close by and flopping down onto the poorly made fold out couch that her and Chloe share in the small Brooklyn apartment.

 Thank god it’s Friday, she thinks when pulling her phone out of the back pocket of her skinny jeans and rolling herself onto her back. 4:45 pm. Chloe will be home in half an hour, depending on how quickly she gets out of work to manage to catch the 5:05 train. Not that Beca memorized Chloe’s schedule and always waits for the older girl to arrive home... Not at all.

 She sits herself up with another slightly dramatic sigh. She shouldn’t be this exhausted from work, mentally and physically. She enjoys her job, most of the time. She should be happy that she’s living her dream, producing music and doing what she loves while also getting paid. But, the number of imbeciles she has to deal with on a weekly basis often makes her wonder why she ever wanted to do this in the first place.

 All she really looks forward after a long day of work is coming home to her best friend every night and cuddling up on their bed with snacks and her laptop, to watch whatever tv show or movie Chloe decided they have to see. Yeah, Chloe may have broken down a couple of Beca’s walls with her overly affectionate personality, she was also really hard to say no to. Especially since Beca has had feelings for the other girl for as long as she can remember, though she refused to admit it to herself for a while. It is easier to deal with now, the whole pining over your best friend/roommate wasn’t the hardest thing ever. She would never risk her friendship with Chloe because of some silly feelings, feelings that may have slowly turned into realizing she was in love with her. Who wouldn’t be totally head over heels for that girl? If her looks aren’t already enough; bright, gorgeous, bluer than the sky eyes that are full of hope and happiness, her smile that never fails to make Beca’s heart beat a little faster every time and let’s not even get started on her adorable giggle. It’s her gentle, dorky and bubbly personality that could light up a dark room. Her determination and passion, her love for the Bellas, her ability to see and appreciate the good in even the smallest things in life.

 There are too many reasons to count why Chloe Beale is one of the most genuine and beautiful people Beca has ever had the pleasure of knowing… Actually, she is the most genuine and beautiful person Beca has ever known.

 So, aside from the underlying feelings for her best friend that she neatly hides under a rug, Beca loves living with her. She is tidy, she gives Beca space to go into her anti-social bubble whenever needed, she makes her coffee every morning because Beca still hasn’t figured out how to use the stupid coffee machine even after having it for over a year. The two both genuinely enjoy each other’s company; they go grocery shopping together, they occasionally go out to lunch or dinner on weekends together when they aren’t extremely broke from paying monthly rent, they listen to music and dance stupidly around the tiny apartment. They work really well as a team.

 Usually, Beca forgets Amy also lives there too. She’s never really around that much anyway and when she is, it is just to grab a few things, make sly comments here and there about how married Beca and Chloe act before heading off again. Often but not always, coming home in the early hours of the morning– from her weekly boy toy’s house, or from the nightclub.

 Beca eventually sits up from her position of laying defeated on the bed and shuffles back to lean against the pillows, resting her phone in her lap. Starting to scroll through the Netflix app to see if anything sparks her eye to suggest to Chloe that they watch for the night, although nothing ever really does and the older of the two always ends up picking something.

 She’s only halfway through the ‘Popular on Netflix’ section when the door flings open and Chloe bounces through. “Hey!” she says with a cheerful grin, walking to place her handbag down on the coffee table. “How was your day?” she asks, turning to face the smaller girl after removing her jacket and hanging it up on the back of the door.  

 “Exhausting,” Beca groans, dropping her phone to lay beside her, “very glad it’s Friday,” running a hand through her hair lazily and continuing, “what about you? Save some more innocent little creatures to live another eventful day in the city of Brooklyn?” she says with a slight smirk.

 Chloe lets out a soft giggle as she kicks off her shoes, sitting down on the edge of the bed, “Not today, but I did get to meet this really cute puppy who needed his first vaccinations,” she beams with sparking eyes and a smile before shrugging lightly, “so, I’d say it was a pretty good day.”

 “Ah-ha, nothing like a tiny puppy to end the week off,” Beca says with a soft laugh, “wish I had your job sometimes, but then I remember the story of the cow and that thought goes away pretty quickly...”

 “Don’t remind me!” Chloe scrunches her nose, shaking her head with another giggle. “Why don’t we do something tonight, you know, to get your mind off of work,” she tilts her head towards the brunette with an empathetic smile.

 Beca raises an eyebrow curiously, “Depends on what you have in mind… I was pretty ready to just lay here for the rest of the night and do absolutely nothing.” – And maybe, cuddle just a little… she thinks to herself, refraining from saying it a loud. Chloe doesn’t have to know how much Beca actually does enjoy their cozy cuddling and patiently waits almost every night for the other girl to climb into the bed after her shower, smelling purely of strawberries & cream from her shampoo.

 “I mean, that is always fun, and I did find another interesting tv show for us to watch… But, why don’t we go out for some drinks?” Chloe shrugs a shoulder, “Let off some steam, dance it out… Get those delicious, unhealthy but awes burritos afterwards from that place you love down the street…” her lips turning into a small smirk.

 Beca hums softly, “I do love those burritos,” pausing for a moment, chewing her bottom lip as she thought about the proposition, “but I don’t know about having to deal with more dicks than I already do at work… With them also being drunk and wild, doesn’t sound like the best way I want to spend my Friday night.”

 Chloe pursed her lips with a small understanding nod. “Oh!” –she spins on the bed excitedly to properly face Beca, crossing her legs with a small bounce– “we could go to that groovy place Amy took us once, with the neon signs and yummy cocktails! It’s never usually that busy, that’s why Amy didn’t want to stay there long… Plus, it has that local DJ that you like playing there on Friday nights,” she says with a grin.

 “Damn. Cocktails, decent music and burritos… You really make it hard to say no, don’t you?” Beca smirks, watching Chloe doing an adorable little dance, making the bed shake lightly. “Alright, alright. Fine. I guess it wouldn’t be terrible… I do feel like a drink, maybe 10…”

 “Yay! Don’t worry, it will be aca-awesome!” teasingly emphasizing on the last word because she knows how much Beca hate the phrases that Chloe and Aubrey still haven’t let die. “I’m gonna have a quick shower and get ready then,” the older girl leaps up from the bed to head towards the shower, stripping her scrubs off on her way and chucking it into the laundry basket close by. Something that had become a reoccurring thing for Chloe to do, she’s seen the confident redhead in underwear or wrapped in a towel more times than she can count.

 Beca narrows her eyes, focus gazing down Chloe’s toned back before shaking her head and looking away, glancing down at herself to see if what she is currently wearing is nightclub appropriate. Probably not. She slowly shuffles off the bed to look through her rack of clothes hanging nearby. A different pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a slightly nicer top to match her leather jacket is what she decides on.

 Roughly an hour after Chloe gets out of the shower, she’s finally putting on her heels to match her little dark green dress and walking to the mirror to put in her gold hoop earrings. Ruffling long red hair to fall in waves down her shoulders.

 Beca raises an eyebrow from where she sits at the coffee table, putting her phone into her jacket pocket. She managed to get changed, freshen up her makeup, pour herself a drink of whiskey & cola and catch up on the rest of her work emails while Chloe was still getting ready. She admires the other girl’s outfit from afar, slowly trailing her eyes over her body and down her tone legs. She does love Chloe in green, it makes her eyes glow even more, if that was even possible, and goes so well with her bright, radiant hair. She sips the last of her drink before clearing her throat, “Finally ready to go, miss?”

 Chloe spins around with an enthusiastic nod, “Yep!”, walking over to grab one of her small purses and putting her phone into it. “How do I look?”, she cocks her head to the side with a confident smile.

 “Chlo, you know you look great,” Beca says as she stands from her seat, “I like that dress… It’s nice,” she smiles softly, finding it extremely difficult to take her eyes away from the bright ones staring back at her.

 “Thanks, Bec,” Chloe’s cheeks blush lightly as she looked down at herself and then back up, “you look great, too… Always.”

 Beca shrugs a shoulder, moving to place her empty cup in the sink to break the longing stare happening between them. Chloe really wasn’t shy when it came to eye contact. “I guess we clean up nice,” she says with a smirk as they move towards the front door.

 _____________________

 Chloe was right, the club really isn’t that packed, and it’s big enough that even with a few more people, it is still tolerable for Beca. They find a booth to sit in which isn’t far from the bar, so they’re taking it in turns getting the rounds of cocktails, so they don’t lose their seat. The music isn’t too bad either, Beca has a habit of over analyzing others remix choices but, this DJ is pretty good so she can’t complain.

 “See, told you this place would be cool!” Chloe nudges the smaller girl’s shoulder as she holds her straw between her fingers, taking a sip from her pineapple and passionfruit cocktail.

 Beca’s lips curl into a smile as she glances over to Chloe, “You’re just waiting for me to say it was a good idea, aren’t you?” she says with a soft laugh, “it is pretty cool, though,” she finishes with a shrug. “This cocktail is amazing, too. It doesn’t even taste like alcohol at all“–she stops to take a small sip– “Very deceiving, slightly dangerous. I know there is at least two shots of tequila in it ‘cause I watched him making it.”

 Chloe giggles as she shuffles slightly closer into the smaller girls side, “Let me try, I might get that one next,” she reaches over, taking a small sip and then glancing at Beca with wide eyes, “Oh, wow, yeah that is really nice… Try mine! It tastes like sunshine in a glass,” tilting her cocktail towards Beca.

 “You are like sunshine in a glass,” Beca says with a soft laugh before taking a sip, nodding her head slowly as she narrowed her eyes, “Mhm, yeah. That’s good shit.”

 “You’re good shit,” Chloe replies with another giggle, nudging against Beca’s shoulder again and settling her glass down on the table. “Now… It’s time to dance it out,” she whispers close to the other girl’s ear and then standing up, holding her hand out. Sending shivers up Beca’s spine from the quick closeness.

 Beca freezes halfway through sipping her drink, “Oh, no, no. I’m still about two drinks away from that, Beale,” she says with a shake of her head. Mentally trying not to break as Chloe’s lips turn into a small pout.

 “C’mon, Bec! I know you can dance! You’ve done it on stage in front of thousands of people,” Chloe argues, emphasizing her pout with a furrow of her brow.

 “That’s… Very different. Choreography and lots of practice,” she scoffs back with a laugh. “You go. I’ll watch your drink and keep our super cool, comfy booth company,” Beca grins as her lips try to find her straw again without breaking eye contact with the pouty redhead in front of her.

 Chloe lets out a soft huff and softens her expression, “Fine… But you better get your butt off that couch soon. This is just as bad as getting you out of bed in the mornings. Get yourself another drink!”

 Beca rolls her eyes and nods, watching Chloe bounce off to the slightly crowded dance floor in front of them and letting her shoulders drop slightly as she leans back, looking down to see how much of her drink was left– only halfway and tequila really did hit her pretty hard. Maybe she only needed one more before she was ready to dance. Again, Chloe is extremely hard to say no to. Plus, she really does want to dance with her best friend, although Chloe’s innocent flirty behavior only gets worse when she has alcohol in her system and Beca finds it harder to deal with every time they drink together. She always has to monitor her own drinking, just in case she did something stupid like accidentally tell Chloe she is hopelessly, pathetically, in love with her.

 She looks around her surroundings, the people in here aren’t actually too bad, compared to some of the places Amy has forced the two of them to go to in the past. There are hipsters, other people around their age who seem to be doing the same as them by enjoying the cocktails and some younger girls that appear to just be there to take photos with the neon signs to upload to Instagram.

 Beca eventually settles her eyes back on Chloe, a small smile appearing on her face at how freely the redhead is dancing, she really does look majestic and gorgeous without even trying. Her hair flowing down her back as her body moves with the beat of the song, hips shaking from side to side and a drunken smile on her face as she turns to look over to the booth, winking at Beca after noticing that she’s already staring.

 Beca gives a shy smile back and recoils slowly further back into the seat, glancing down into her glass as she plays with the ice using her straw. She looks back up about a minute later to see a, frankly, stunning brunette girl dancing near Chloe, seeming to get closer as the song continues. The stranger finally makes her way in front of Chloe, who gives her a friendly smile as she starts to dance with her, the two moving together to the beat. The other girl puts her hands onto Chloe’s hips, whispering something close to her ear. Beca swallows thickly and tries to look anywhere but at them, taking a slightly large gulp out of her drink as she tries to ignore the slight jealousy building up in her slowly.

 When she finally glances back at them, it’s just in time to see the brunette moving one of her hands to Chloe’s cheek and leaning in, starting to kiss her and… Chloe actually kisses back. Beca feels her stomach drop like she just went down a giant hill on a rollercoaster. Surely Chloe isn’t that drunk, she’s only about one or two drinks in front of Beca and even drunk, Beca has never witnessed her kiss another girl. Sure, she might have said to her a couple of years ago that she wished she experimented more in College… But she never actually brought it back up again after that, nor did she get anybody else to take her up on the proposal, she definitely would have told her. Beca thought about it a lot after it happened and mentally punched herself a couple of times for not taking Chloe up on the offer or at least exploring what she actually meant by it. Once she actually wanted to confront Chloe, after her and Jesse had broken up, she told herself it had been too long, and it would just be weird to randomly ask about it.  

 Beca furrows her brow as she glances away with a confused expression, instantly gulping down the rest of her drink and wincing slightly at the burn of tequila at the bottom of the glass. She tries to stop her eyes from glancing back at them but struggles and gives in, immediately regretting it when she sees them still kissing, more so, full on making out now. She puts her drink down on the table and rubs her sweaty palms over her jeans as she stares down into her lap. The feeling in her gut makes her feel sick and she can feel her chest tightening up like she was about to have a panic attack. Stop being stupid, Mitchell. She’s not even yours, she thinks to herself, but it doesn’t stop the lump forming in her throat. She had to get some air. Right now.

 She squints, glancing around while trying to avoid the two that she can still obviously see right in front of her and stands up quickly, immediately heading for the exit door, taking a deep breath in once the fresh air hits her. There’s a brick wall to her left that she immediately moves to lean against, closing her eyes as she tries to swallow back the stupid lump in her throat. Her hands patting her jacket pockets anxiously, letting out a small sigh of relief as she retrieves the cigarette packet and lighter– a terrible habit Beca has when she gets too stressed. She lights one up and leans her head back against the wall to look up at the sky.

 She has witnessed Chloe kissing other people before, and though it hurts a little every time, it shouldn’t hurt this much. But watching her kiss another girl rattles something inside of Beca that she can’t control. There are a few reasons behind not telling Chloe how she truly feels, aside from potentially ruining their friendship, she’s pretty certain the redhead is completely straight, and her own insecurities convince her that Chloe would never like her in that way.

 Taking a drag from the cigarette with shaky hands, she closes her eyes to try and focus on her breathing. She really should have just stayed at home.  

“Bec?” Chloe slightly yells as she comes out of the exit door while looking around, making Beca jump lightly, straightening herself up to not look so miserable against the wall.

Chloe furrows her brow and scrunches her nose as her eyes fall on Beca and the cigarette between her fingers, “What are you doing?”

 Beca glances into Chloe’s direction, “Just–” she clears her throat “–getting some fresh air…” She purses her lips and resists the urge to take another drag of the cigarette in front of Chloe after she notices how her red hair is slightly messier and her cheeks are flushed.

 “Well, don’t you think you’re ruining getting fresh air by putting that in your lungs?” Chloe questions as she tilts her head slightly. “Come back inside, we’re going lose our seat,” she steps closer.

 Beca can see how Chloe’s lipstick is slightly smudged once she gets closer. “Um, I… actually… think I’m going to head home,” Beca replies with a soft shake of her head, avoiding looking into Chloe’s direction, “That tequila kind of gave me a headache and I’m pretty tired.”

 Chloe’s face drops and her brow furrows again, “Oh…” She perks her head back up, lip quirking into a small smile, “Well, I’ll come with you then, we can get you some water and–”

 “No, it’s okay,” Beca interrupts, “you looked like you were having fun in there so, I’ll just see you at home,” she forces a half smile, a pretty poor attempted one and turns, walking away in the direction that she thinks the apartment is in, before Chloe can speak again.

 ______________________

 Beca gets back to the apartment in about double the time it took her and Chloe to walk there, she definitely did not go the right way. She shuts the door with a little too much force, making half the coats hanging on the back fall to the ground, giving them a glare and deciding she really doesn’t have the energy to pick them up right now. She glances around the small apartment, making sure Amy isn’t there. No surprise, she isn’t.

 She sits on the end of the bed, a dramatic and shaky sigh leaving her lips, feeling even more exhausted than what she did when she arrived home from work. The apartment feels even more empty and quiet than usual, making that dreaded lump in her throat come back. She isn’t even sure where she is looking, somewhere on the ground, but her eyes begin to blur as a few tears stray from her eyes to roll down her cheeks. Shaking her head with a groan, she wipes them away quickly and puffs out a breath. This is stupid, you are stupid, she thinks as she stands up, unsteadily shuffling off her jacket.

 Her eyes spot the bottle of whiskey she used earlier on the table, pressing her lips together and clenching her jaw slightly, she walks over to it and removes the lid, taking a long swig then instantly closing her eyes tightly as it burns down her throat. She makes a slow move back to the bed, slipping her phone out of her jeans with bottle still in the other and settles down against the pillows.

 Her mind wanders to what Chloe is doing right now, if she just walked back into the club without second guessing Beca’s behavior. What she might be doing with that girl right now. She’s probably still having fun. She can’t be mad at Chloe for any of it, she isn’t mad, it’s not her place, but it still is really hard for it not to hurt. She should have seen this coming, Chloe being with someone else, she should have prepared herself. Chloe is beautiful, she is bound to kiss or even get into a relationship eventually. Beca just didn’t properly prepare herself, like most things in her life.

 She doesn’t know how long she’s been sitting there, mind preoccupied by thoughts. She opens her phone, having to blink a few times to focus her eyes down on it. No notifications. She’s not surprised. Actually, she’s a little surprised. Chloe is the type to text if Beca got home safe, if she’s feeling better, if she’s sure she doesn’t want her to come back. Obviously, she was still having fun without her. Beca doesn’t care. She shouldn’t care.

 She throws it to the side and lifts her knees to drape her arms over them, hanging the bottle between them. The keys rattling in the door shakes her out of her thoughts, looking up with a slight frown as the door opens.

 Chloe walks in cautiously, holding a large paper bag in one hand. “Hey, you,” she says as she closes the door behind her, brow furrowing at the pile of coats near her feet and stepping over them before glancing up at Beca and then the bottle between her legs, “I thought you had a headache,” she settles the paper bag and her purse onto the coffee table.

 Beca chews on her bottom lip for a moment before responding, “Uh, yeah… I– I did…”, she glances around, unsure of what to say because she is terrible at lying, especially to Chloe. Clearing her throat, moving to settle the bottle down on the small bedside table carefully and crossing her legs in front of her.

 Chloe cocks her head to the side as she stares at Beca for a moment, “Okay, well, I got you this–” she pulls bottled water out of the bag, settling it on the table “–I know you don’t overly enjoy the tap water we have here,” her lip curving into a small smile before continuing, “I also got you this,“ pulling a wrapped burrito out of the bag.

 Beca smiles slightly, “Thanks, Chlo…”, she says in a soft tone, “I was going to get one… But I think I took the wrong way back.”

 Chloe pulls her own burrito out of the bag, struggling to balance both of them in her hands and pick the water back up at the same time but manages, walking over to the bed to sit down on the corner, dropping the items down, “I was going to tell you that, but you walked away too quickly for me to get a word out,” she blinks up at Beca, pushing the items closer to her.

 “Sorry,” is all Beca manages to get out as her eyes follow the other girl’s hand, glancing back up to find those ocean blue eyes still staring back at her.

 “Are you okay, Becs?” Chloe says with sympathetic eyes, shuffling further up the bed to get closer to her.

 Beca distracts herself by fiddling with the wrapping of the burrito in front of her, shrugging a shoulder lightly as she thinks about her response, “Yeah… Like I said, just tired.”

 Chloe lets a soft sigh fall from her lips as she studies Beca’s face, “You know, you can talk to me, right? I thought we were past this whole walls-built stories high Beca thing… “

 “I said I’m okay, Chloe. Just– Just drop it,” she runs her palms over her jean covered thighs, suddenly realizing how sweaty they are again, “please,” she adds on.

 Chloe blinks slowly as her mouth gaps open a little before pursing her lips together with a frown, staying quiet for a long moment before changing her mind, “Actually, no. Beca, I want to know what happened. It’s pretty clear you’re not okay. We were having a good time… Is it about that girl who started dancing with me because–”

 “No! I don’t care, honestly,” Beca laughs dryly, “I am totally fine, I just wanted to go home. I’m glad you were having fun… Tongue down her throat kind of fun.”  

 “What is that supposed to mean?” Chloe frown grows further with a wrinkled nose, “Are you jealous or something? I could have easily got her to come over to you instead.”

 Beca lets out another dry laugh, “That’s not what I wanted,” she shakes her head, slowly lifting her gaze from the bed to meet confused eyes.

 “Okay, then what do you want?” Chloe replies in lower tone as she looks over Beca’s face with those soft, glowing eyes that momentarily drop down to her lips before making their way back up.  

 Moments like this; she thinks, maybe, just maybe, Chloe has feelings back. That Chloe wants it all just as much. “I want,” Beca trails off, chewing the inside of her cheek, “to eat my burrito, I’m starving,” breaking the eye contact that was making the beat of her heart ten times quicker every second it continued. Idiot. Just tell her. Tell her how you feel.

 Chloe expression flattens into defeat as she sighs quietly with a small nod, standing up from the bed to grab an old t-shirt and sleep shorts out of the draw, changing out of her dress close by.  

 Beca distracts herself from glancing up at the redhead by unwrapping the burrito, taking a few small bites as she fights back and forth with her mind. She really wasn’t that hungry. Why did Chloe react like she was expecting, even hoping, for Beca to say something different? Did she really just miss her chance to say ‘I want you. Please want me the same way I want you.’  There are a thousand things going through her head as she sits quietly on the bed with her eyes fixated on the food in front of her.

 “I hope I got your order right; I’ve memorized it pretty good,” Chloe mumbles as she moves to settle down on the other side of the bed to lean back against her pillow, fiddling with her fingers in her lap. Her own food forgotten about at the end of the bed.

 “It’s good, exactly how I like it. Thanks, Chlo,” she says with her mouth half full, sending a small smile into Chloe’s direction, which instantly disappears when she notices how sad she looks. It’s like looking at a hurt puppy and makes that sudden drop in Beca’s stomach come back. She swallows her final chew and leans to settle the half-eaten burrito down on to the bedside table next to the bottle of whiskey. Gross combination, Mitchell. She turns back to shuffle to lay on her side facing Chloe, propping herself up with one elbow, “Hey, I’m sorry… I know I kind of ruined our night and all.”

 Chloe shakes her head faintly, “You didn’t, it’s okay,” turning her head to meet Beca’s gaze, her lips curving into a soft smile, “I’d much rather be here with you than anywhere else,” she says in a soft tone as she shuffles herself down to mirror Beca’s position and face her.

 Beca really hopes the dim, pathetic lights in their apartment hides the blush she can feel creeping up her cheeks. “You really are my favorite person, Chloe,” she says in an equally as soft tone, her eyes wandering over Chloe’s soft features, watching the way her smile brightens after Beca’s words which makes her eyes crinkle and her eyelashes flutter through slow blinks.

 “You’re my favorite person, too,” Chloe replies, moving her free hand that isn’t being used to support herself to gently brush a strand of hair away and behind Beca’s ear. Sparkling, blue eyes following her own movement before trailing back to land on Beca’s lips again, and then slowly returning to her eyes.

 Beca knows she didn’t imagine that one, that lingering stare definitely lasted longer that time. She closes her eyes for a moment to bask in the feeling of Chloe’s fingers lightly trailing down her ear and jaw, skimming down the side of her neck, sending a small shiver down her spine that she really hopes wasn’t that noticeable. She opens her eyes back up slowly to meet the soft ones staring back at her. Her lips part like she’s ready to say something but closing them again after realizing she has no words for what is happening right now, and she definitely didn’t want to disturb or stop whatever was. Her heart is beating like it was about to jump out of her chest.

 Chloe’s tongue flicks out to lick over her own lips and Beca’s eyes dares to skim down. She could feel Chloe inching closer ever so slowly, she could smell her fragrance–still that hint of strawberries & cream, mixed with the floral scented perfume she uses every day– Beca feels intoxicated and not at all by the alcohol she had consumed tonight.

 Chloe’s fingers gently continue to trail down Beca’s neck before returning their journey back up to behind her ear and rest her hand against her cheek to cup it softly. She’s moving so slowly like she is worried she is going to scare Beca away, searching her face for any evidence this isn’t okay before finally closing that last bit of distance between them, lips barely brushing against each other.

 As soon as she feels Chloe’s lips brush hers, Beca takes a light shaky breath in and leans further into the lips against her own. Was this really happening? Was there something unusual in that tequila cocktail that could possibly be making her hallucinate this? And then her mind stops working, drowning out to nothing but how soft Chloe’s lips are and how her knees feel weak even though she was lying down. She presses her lips further and tilts her head slightly as Chloe adds the same amount of pressure, kissing her back gently.

 Beca’s free hand trails up from where it was awkwardly laying between them to rest on Chloe’s rib cage and pull her closer as she feels Chloe’s thumb rubbing softly against her cheek, eagerly pulling her further into the kiss.

 The gradation of it all is innocent at first, their lips moving with each other’s like they are made for one another, shaky tiny breaths exhaled in between. But then Chloe’s tongue traces slowly out to meet Beca’s parting lips, Beca feels like she is melting into the bed as her tongue meets Chloe’s and her hand trails from Chloe’s rib cage around to her back, pulling her impossibly closer as their bodies press against one another.  

 Chloe is the first to pull back slightly after what seems like too long but also not long enough, to let out a much-needed breath. She leans in to press another soft kiss to Beca’s lips before fluttering her eyes open just at the same time as the darker blue ones, her lips curving into a smile, “I’ve wanted to do that for a really long time,” she whispers.

 Beca just blinks back at the clear ocean eyes staring back into her own for a moment, “You have?” she eventually whispers back, the hand she has laying on Chloe’s back mindlessly starts trailing to hold onto her side again, like she’s scared she is about to suddenly disappear and she’ll wake up from a dream.

 Chloe just nods, the smile on her lips brightening.

 Beca sighs, slightly in relief and slightly trying to calm herself, she can still feel her heart beating way faster than it normally does. She surges forward to meet Chloe’s lips again, feeling Chloe’s hand moving from her cheek around to the back of her neck and instantly deepening the kiss again. One of Chloe’s thighs makes their way in between Beca’s jean covered thighs as they pull each other closer, and closer. This makes the arm Beca was propping herself up on instantly give out.

 A soft giggle leaves Chloe’s lips after it happens before meeting her tongue again, she moves to slowly roll them over, so Chloe is lying on top of Beca, thigh still settled comfortably between her legs and the hand around Beca’s neck moving to tangle into brunette hair.

 Beca takes a shaky breath in as she relaxes onto her back, one of her own thighs finds its way between Chloe’s and she swears she hears the other girl let out a quiet moan. Her hands trailing to rest on Chloe’s hips as their tongues dance around together passionately, Beca can’t control herself from arching her hips up ever so slightly.

 Chloe meets her hips with a gentle roll down of her own, eventually tearing her lips away from Beca’s to start pressing soft kisses down her jaw line and across the side of her neck.

 Beca tilts her head back to accompany the soft lips trailing across her neck, keeping her eyes pressed closed as she breathes heavily before– “Wait…” she whimpers out.

 Chloe immediately stops and lifts her head up to meet Beca’s gaze with a slightly confused look, searching her eyes for uncertainty, “Are you okay?”

 “Yeah, I just–“ she swallows thickly, realizing how dry her throat has become “–Can we just–“ she stutters out, looking into the pair of eyes that stare back at her so protectively and lovingly “–I don’t want this to just be some drunken make out or just sex… I really, really, like you, Chloe,” Beca says the last part a little quieter.

 Finally. Beca feels a weight lifting off her shoulders as the words she’s been holding in for years finally leave her lips. Although she’s definitely holding herself back from saying I love you, just in case Chloe doesn’t feel the same. The possibility of losing her best friend is too much to think about right now.

 Chloe’s expression softens as she pulls back to be able to properly look at Beca, the hand in her hair trailing back to cup her cheek and caressing again with her thumb, fingers moving lazily against the soft part of her neck right under her jaw, “I really, really, like you, Beca. I have since the moment I met you,” she says with an adorable smile spreading across her face.

 Beca breathes out another sigh of relief, “Okay, cool,” her lips curving into a smile that’s probably a little too satisfied, “good to know.”

 Beca still couldn’t believe this was really happening. Did she really hold and suppress all her feelings for so long without knowing Chloe has felt the exact same? Was she that oblivious that Chloe liked her back? Clearly.

 “Yeah,” Chloe leans back down to press a gentle kiss to Beca’s lips, “good to know,” she murmurs against them, kissing soft lips a few more times before moving to kiss her cheek, shuffling to lay beside Beca again, “We’ve had a long night. Why don’t we cuddle and go to sleep, hm? Then I can show you just how much this definitely isn’t some drunken make out in the morning,” she hums, dancing her fingers down Beca’s neck, collarbone and shoulder blade.

 Beca nods softly, the smile plastered on her face not leaving any time soon, “I’d like that,” she turns to steal another gentle kiss from Chloe before shuffling herself out of the bed. She struggles her skinny jeans and top off, finding a band t-shirt already on the floor to slip on before picking up the burrito from her bedside table and Chloe’s from the end of the bed, “I’m going to put these bad boys in the fridge for breakfast,” she smirks and walks them over to the fridge.

 Chloe rearranges the blanket from underneath her so she can slip in and giggles, “Gross. But I like your thinking,” she winks and opens the blanket up as Beca turns off the lights and makes her way back over to the bed.

 Beca settles back in with a content sigh. “Just one more…” she leans in to press a gentle kiss to Chloe’s lips, feeling the redhead smiling against her lips as she kisses back. It’s not hard to map out where her face is because of their shitty blinds that don’t block out the streetlights or the morning sun.  

 Chloe shuffles them down as she wraps her arms around Beca’s small frame as Beca reluctantly turns around after a few more soft kisses, pressing her back into Chloe’s front. “Hey, Becs,” she whispers, pulling Beca closer as she nuzzles her face into her shoulder.

 “Mhm?” Beca hums out, already content enough to fall asleep quickly as one of Chloe’s hand finds her own.

 There was a long pause before Chloe speaks again, “I actually really, really, love you.”

 “I really, really, love you, too.”

   The end.

[chickensarentcheap]

Never Gonna Be Alone: Chapter Six

Title: Subway trolls and pancakes

Warnings: none

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y , @innerpaperexpertcloud , @alievans007 , @tragiclyhip​

They stop at the closest bodega for a cup of take out coffee and a carton of chocolate milk, then hand in hand navigate the snowy sidewalks on their brief jaunt to the subway. Tanner is excited about their morning out. Words rapidly leaving his lips as all his pent up thoughts come spilling out; sentences running together and often making little to no sense as several different topics messily mix together. But Tyler lets him get it out. Tanner often very quiet and shy and finding himself lost in the chaos of their home; unable to get a word in edgewise at times and then finding himself growing more and more frustrated. It always leads to a meltdown; tears and screaming hyperventilating and sometimes even the odd destructive episode. The latter hasn’t happened in a long time; both his parents and Tanner himself recognizing the triggers and the warning signs and able to calm him down before things escalate that far. It’s been a journey to say the least; learning how to both handle and help a kid like Tanner. Specialists and fellow parents of children with Autism and autistic adults themselves have been extremely helpful; they’ve found the strategies that aid him the best and in turn, help him thrive. Music therapy and appointments disguised as play, sensory items that provide him with the ‘break’ that he needs when overwhelmed, deep pressure applied with hugs and weighted blankets and vests. It’s a whole new world that has been both overwhelming and rewarding. Tanner isn’t the only one that’s being helped. It’s an adjustment for the entire family and everyone has had to make changes and sacrifices. But it’s also been a positive thing. What could have broken a marriage has actually made it stronger; working as a team and discovering just how strong and determined the other is and witnessing what lengths they’ll go to help their family thrive under even the most difficult of circumstances.

Tanner is a gift. An extra special one. In a way that his siblings aren’t. He’s opened their eyes to an entirely different existence, bringing out the depths of their patience and compassion. He’s beautiful and intelligent; the depths of his knowledge and information stored away inside that little brain simply profound. And talented; cooking and baking, drawing, playing the guitar and singing. But he DOES struggle. Anything social is a challenge for him; extreme difficulty in making friends, becoming extremely shy and withdrawn and even scared if a stranger approaches him for even the smallest of chit chat. And his fears and triggers are numerous; thunderstorms, needles, too much noise and conversation going on around him at once, the sudden and sharp clattering of dishes, the seams inside clothes. Things that most people would never even notice, are extremely heightened for him. And while most are easily recognized and identifiable and the entire family goes out of their way to accommodate him when possible, new issues seem to arise every day.

But the subway is one of his favourite places. The dark tunnels don’t faze him, nor does the crowd of people during the more busy times. And when the noises become too much he knows to simply put on a pair of sounds cancelling headphones and then concentrate on something else; whether it be a book he’s brought along of a sketch pad or even games and videos on one of his parents’ phones.

This morning he’s in his glory; kneeling on the seat beside Tyler, nose pressed against the window as he stares out into the darkness. The subway is quiet; people choosing to stay in after the snowstorm or already flooding earlier trains in hopes of beating the masses that will flock to malls and boutiques to complete their Christmas shopping. While extremely advanced intellectually speaking, he’s a lot younger in other ways; social skills and emotional maturity putting him around the level of a five or six year old. The difference is most apparent when he’s with his twin; TJ becoming older and wiser with each passing day while Tanner struggles to get to the level at Declan -or even Brooklyn and Takota- functions at. And he’s much smaller than his older brother as well; gifted with his mother’s height and slender body and some of her petite features. But there’s never any problem recognizing the Rake in him. The facial expressions and mannerisms and that Australian accent that he’s developed; much thicker and stronger than any of his siblings.

“Dad?” Tanner pipes up from beside him, one hand tightly gripping the top of the seat while the other keeps a firm hold on his chocolate milk; stomach pressed against the back of the seat, his father’s arm wrapped tightly around his middle.

“Yeah?”

“Do you think the subway trolls are real? Do you think they exist?”

“Subway trolls??”

“Remember the subway trolls? TJ talked about them during the summer. When we came here to visit Ovi. About how there’s trolls living down here. Do you think it’s true? Do you think there’s really trolls down here?”

“Something tells me that’s something your brother made up: to freak Takota out. He had nightmares for three weeks after that.”

“Everytime we come on the subway, I try looking for trolls. But it’s dark and the train is fast and I can’t really see ANYTHING. But it could be true, yeah? There really could be trolls. They could exist.”

“Trolls aren’t real. It’s just something that people made up. A long time ago. They just exist in movies and books. Like in The Lord of The Rings.”

A look of visible disgust appears on Tanner’s face. “Those are Orcs. NOT trolls.”

“Same thing.”

“No, dad. They’re not. You need to read the books again. Orcs and trolls are NOT the same. I mean, they’ve evil, but orcs aren’t much stronger than humans. Trolls have superhuman strength. Plus, they’re HUGE. Orcs are just the size of normal people. Even mummy knows this stuff.”

“That’s because mummy is a nerd.”

“She’s not a nerd! She’s very smart. In a lot of different things. She even speaks three languages. You only speak one.”

“I speak two. English and profanity.”

“Swearing is NOT a language.”

“You’re right, it’s not. It’s an art form.”

“You do have A LOT of swears in your vocabulary. It’s pretty impressive; that you know that many bad words. You know twenty different ways to say the F word. That’s cool. You’re smart in your way and mumma is smart in hers. Is that why you fell in love with her? ‘Cause of how smart she is?”

“It was one of the reasons.”

“I wanna meet a girl one day. Like mum. Mum is super cute and tiny and really funny. She makes me laugh a lot. And she’s got a really nice, kind smile and pretty eyes.”

“Yeah, she does. She’s pretty special, huh?”

“She is,” Tanner smiles.. “You’re a lucky guy, daddy. She loves you a whole bunch. I see it in her eyes, you know. They get all sparkly and shiny when she sees you. Like yesterday when you got home. As soon as you got out of the cab, her entire face changed. Her cheeks got rosy and she had a huge smile and her eyes were shiny. Like she was going to cry but not crying eyes at the same time. I want to meet a girl like mummy. Then I’d be lucky too.”

“You would,” Tyler agrees. “You’d be the luckiest guy on the face of the earth.”

“I’ll ask mummy about the trolls. When we get home. She might know. She lived here before. Maybe she’s seen one. That would be so freaking awesome.”

“Something tells me that mummy hasn’t seen a subway troll. Something also tells me they don’t exist.”

“Why you say that?”

“Have you ever seen one? I’ve never seen one.”

“Just because we don’t see things, doesn’t mean they don’t exist. I haven’t seen a lot of things, but I know they’re real.”

“That’s a very good point, actually.”

A sudden pout appears on Tanner’s face; entire body stiffening. “I don’t like this part of the ride. It gets really noisy and extra dark here. Can I sit on your lap now? You make me feel safe.”

Nodding, he places the backpack sitting on his lap between his feet. It contains everything the ten year old could need during the time out; headphones, weighted lap pad, various fidget items, an extra sweater that’s a size too small but Tanner enjoys wearing because it’s ‘tight and feels like a hug’. Scooping his son off the seat next to him and settles him on his thighs; Tanner wrapping both arms around his neck and sliding his body forward in order to have that comfort of body against body. And he slips his hand up the back of the little one’s jacket, hoodie, and t-shirt; giving him that press of a warm, soothing palm against his bare skin.

“I don’t like this part, daddy,” Tanner whimpers, and tightens the hold on his dad’s neck. “It’s scary.”

“It’s okay, mate. I got you. You’re fine. Close your eyes; I’ll tell you when it’s over.”

“Alright,” he squeezes his eyes shut as tight as he can. “I trust you.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you. Ever.”

“I know you won’t. But it’s still scary.”

“Nothing to be scared of,” Tyler assures him, and presses his lips to his temple; the end of his nose resting against the side of Tanner’s head as he speaks to him in a low, quiet voice. “Nothing can hurt you. Ever.”

“Not when you’re here. You won’t let anything hurt me.”

“Anything or anyone. You’re alright, mate. Just breathe. It’s almost over. Just a couple more minutes. Why don’t you tell me about some of your dreams? The ones you were writing about? Tell me some of them and I’ll read the rest. I want to hear about them.”

“Okay,” Tanner takes a deep, shaky breath, but keeps his eyes screwed shut as he launches into a recap of one of his many dreams.

Tyler’s not sure how many of these dreams are actually real; they’re vivid and often far beyond Tanner’s level of maturity. And he often wonders if it’s just tales the ten year old has conjured up in his own mind; a very detailed and colourful imagination that is often underused AND under appreciated. But he never questions their validity or ‘tunes out’ when his son is sharing his stories; letting him indulge in that little fantasy world of his where things probably seem a lot easier to handle and cope with. And it gives Tanner a sense of confidence and pride in himself; knowing how well he can both tell a tale and how well received it is by the one person he’s always so eager to please and make proud of him.

Today the dreams are about dragons and sea life. Two very distinct ‘dreams’; the first consisting of Tanner being the brave and noble knight that saves the princess and an entire kingdom from an untimely demise. The second he’s an underwater explorer; making friends with all the marine creatures and building a completely self-sustaining and livable underwater habitat for both humans and sea life. And he sees the way people around them react to both Tanner’s story telling and the gentle and calm way Tyler deals with him; the smiles and the comments about how ‘cute it is’ and even the praises of ‘it’s nice to see a daddy out with the little ones’.

“Is it done yet?” Tanner inquires, as the last of his final tale leaves his lips. “Are we past the scary part?”

“Yup. All done.”

“Good,” he heaves a sigh of relief. “But can I still stay here? Can I still stay on your lap?”

“You can stay there as long as you want, Nug.”

“I love you daddy. Thank you.”

“No worries, mate. I love you too.” He removes the hand from underneath Tanner’s clothing and briefly lays it on the back of his head; placing a kiss to his cheek before wrapping his arm around his waist. Even THAT’s been a learning process; expressing emotion and talking about feelings and showing affection. He’d grown up not being allowed to do any of those things; his father only beating him more savagely if he cried or begged for him to stop or if he cried over the loss of his mother. Meeting and marrying someone that craves both giving and receiving affection had been a real eye opener; showing him just how badly the old man had screwed him up both physically and mentally.

“Nug?”

“Yeah?”

“I gotta ask you something.”

“About what?”

“Mummy.”

“I don’t know what she wants for Christmas. She says ‘nothing’ EVERY year.”

“I already got that all figured out. This is about something else.”

“Okay. What is the something else?”

“When I was gone, did mummy seem sad?”

“Mummy is always sad when you go away. She misses you.”

“But did she seem extra sad, maybe? Did it seem like she was having a hard time with me being gone? A harder time than usual?”

“Maybe a little. I mean, she was really sad. She did cry a few times. And locked herself in the pantry once. But that’s ‘cause Millie was being mean and driving her nuts. I pushed tissues under the door; so mummy could wipe her face and blow her nose. We all get snotty when we cry.”

“I’m glad you help mommy out. Especially when she’s sad. You’ve always been good at that; helping take care of her. What about at night? Anything go on at night? Maybe you were supposed to be sleeping and you heard some things? Maybe mummy really upset and crying hard extra hard or…?”

“I snuggled with her a couple nights. On the couch. Because she said she said she couldn’t sleep and that she was feeling lonely. I went down to get a snack. I know I shouldn’t have; that I’m not allowed downstairs by myself in the middle of the night. I’m sorry, daddy. I was hungry though and mummy wasn’t in your room and I went looking for her. She was eating ice cream out of the container and watching Sex and the City. Are you mad? That I went downstairs by myself?”

“No, mate. I’m not. You went looking for mum, right?”

“Yeah, because I was hungry and I knew she would make me a snack. She always makes me an English muffin. Toasted. With a piece of cheese and two slices of tomato on it. With pepper sprinkled on top. And when I couldn’t find her upstairs, I got worried. So I went looking for her. We had snacks and she let me have some ice cream and then we snuggled on the couch watching Sponge Bob. I stayed up until she fell asleep, and then I went and got the big blanket of your bed and your pillow and took them downstairs and tucked mommy in. Then I went back to bed. Once I knew she was really fast asleep and comfortable. I gave her a goodnight kiss. Three, actually. Two on the lips, one of the forehead. Like you do. You always kiss her on the forehead.”

“You are a good son, Nug. A great son. That loves his mumma very much.”

“She’s the best mummy in the whole world. If I could pick mummies, I’d pick her above everyone else. Because she loves me no matter what. She doesn’t care that I’m different. That my brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s. She just loves me. No questions asked. Just like I love her no matter what. Even when she gets mad and yells. But I don’t like when she cries. It makes my heart hurt.”

“Was she crying a lot? While I was gone? More than she’s ever cried before?”

“I guess. TJ and I could hear her the first couple of nights. Crying in the bedroom. We were going to see if she was okay, but we didn’t want to get in trouble. Takota and Brookie went in though and slept with her. She seemed okay in the morning. She likes when we come in to cuddle. She doesn’t like the big bed all to herself.”

“Did she say anything to you? About me being gone?”

“Not to me. But I heard her talking to Desi. He came over every night to check on her and make sure she didn’t need anything. I heard her saying how worried she was about you. That she was scared something would happen and she’d never see you again. That she’d already almost lost you twice before and that she couldn’t take it a third time. Desi tried to talk her down; told her everything would be okay and that you’d be home before she knew it.”

“That was it? The whole thing you heard?”

“Most of it. She also said that she’s never loved anyone the way that she loves you. That you couldn’t ever possibly understand how much she does. That you saved her. In every way someone can be saved.”

“She said that?”

Tanner nods, then reaches inside Tyler’s jacket and pulls out the wool beanie he’d put in one of the pockets for safe keeping. “Will you help me when my glasses fog up?” he asks, and he yanks the hat down onto his head. “They always fog up when we go out in the cold.”

“I will help you.”

“And over the really high snowbanks?”

“I’m going to toss you in those. Have to call someone to dig you out.”

“Daddy…” he crosses his arms over his chest and stares at him pointedly. “...that’s not very nice.”

“I would never do that to you. TJ, yeah. You? Never.”

“You know…” Tanner scrambles off his lap as the train begins its final approach to their station, then curls all of his fingers around three of his father’s “...if I got to pick daddies, I’d pick you.”

Tyler smiles down at his son. “You would, would you?”

Tanner nods. “In a heartbeat.”

*****

Breakfast is a success. A small diner in Battery Park that Tanner had found online three years ago; spending hours online searching for the best pancake spots in New York City and reading all of the reviews and browsing all the menus. He’s very detail oriented. Choosing places to eat and shop on not just popularity and the items being offered, but on the way the food appears in pictures; a keen eye for attractive colour palettes and neat and tidy -and appealing- presentation. He’d put so much research and time into it that Tyler hadn’t had the heart to tell him that maybe somewhere closer to home would be a better fit; no ‘scary’ trips on the subway meant less crowds and noise and almost assured no sensory meltdowns which in turn, would mean an extremely hard day for Tanner. Once something is ‘set off’, he remains on edge and anxious for hours; the mere stress of his brain going into overload causing him to be destructive and aggressive. The latter is always directed at himself; yanking his hair out, banging his head off walls, scratching himself until he bleeds. And while it’s always a worry that something will spark the behaviour, they’ve become better at recognizing the warning signs; identifying triggers and able to remove him from a situation before it becomes too much for him to bear.

The morning had gone well. Tanner had been talkative and cheerful; uncharacteristically engaging with the waitress and carrying on conversations -albeit brief, as too much chatter and eye contact make him extremely uncomfortable- with fellow diners. He’d only had difficulties twice. Needing his weighted lap pad and some fidget toys when the wait for food was longer than expected, and a flight to his father’s lap when a larger group of diners came in and their voices were needlessly loud and obnoxious. A tight as possible embrace and encouraging and comforting words whispered had quickly soothed him, but he’d still insisted on staying perched on his dad’s thighs while he finished the remains of his breakfast.

After a quick trip to the Cartier store -a little something for mummy as a form of both apology and an excuse to spoil her- and to pick up some novels to read at Tanner’s favourite used book store, they returned home and onto the final ‘event’ of the morning; time spent at the private park. It’s cold and the wind brutal, but Tanner is in his element; loving the way he can ‘crash’ into the snowbank at the bottom of the slide, tend to building his own snowman without interference from his well meaning but way too hyper younger siblings, and time on the swings. And while he has two of his own hanging from the ceiling in his bedroom, he prefers being outside; leaning as far back as he can and staring up at the sky. It’s gray and dreary today, but he’s in his glory; catching snowflakes on his tongue and giggling the entire time.

That laugh -one he’d inherited from his mother- is more than enough to tolerate the frigid temperatures; a hot cup of coffee and the hat and gloves Esme had both nagged him about taking along -and had resorted to shoving into the pockets of his coat before he stepped out the door- enough to stave off the chill. And he’s leaning back against the wrought iron fence and sipping the strong brew -two shots of espresso helping to fight off the lingering exhaustion from jet lag- when the gate to the park swings open. It’s a highly controlled and private area. Only those who live in Gramercy Park have access; given keys when they take up residence. And while he isn’t necessarily worried about the stranger joining them, that old inkling of hyper-vigilance never fails to make an appearance when he spots an unfamiliar face. It’s the years spent on the job; burning bridges and stepping on toes and making a lot of enemies along the way. Revenge is par for the course; dirtbags sticking up for other dirtbags and seeking vengeance for fellow drug lords, rapists, murders, child predators. The list is vast and seemingly endless; he’s gone up against the lowest of the low and somehow lived to tell about.

The worry is always there; that someone will come looking for him and then use his greatest weaknesses to destroy him. It’s why he’s extra careful now; willing to do anything in his power to keep his family safe. Five years ago had been bad enough; if word got back to the wrong people that it was his business employing the mercenaries sent to clean up messes, the result wouldn’t be pretty. Far more devastating and widespread than what happened at the hands of Mahajan and Asif’s remaining people. And while he highly doubts that the woman and child stepping through the gate pose a threat, his brain immediately tends to think of the worst. Especially when one of his children -arguably the most vulnerable of them all- is with him. But he manages a polite smile in the woman’s direction, then shuffles his weight from foot to foot when she approaches; an attempt to keep warm and his discomfort at the idea of having to be social. It was one of the things that sold on him buying the brownstone; no one bothered with him and likewise didn’t seem to give a shit that he mostly stuck to himself.

“It’s amazing how they can stand being out like this,” she comments, as she sidles up next to him.

It’s way too close his own comfort; the sleeve of her fur lined coat brushing against him. He sidesteps; putting just enough space between them to let her know she’s invading his space, yet enough to come across a complete asshole. She’s new to the area; a face he hadn’t seen last Christmas or during the month they’d spent in the Big Apple over the past summer. Tall and slender; shoulder length blond hair sticking the bottom of the black and gray knit beanie and too much make up on her face.

“My daughter LOVES the snow,” she continues, nodding in the direction of the little girl attempting to make conversation with Tanner. It can go either of three ways; Tanner acknowledging her presence and actually speaking in return, completely ignoring her and acting as if she doesn’t even exist, or he’ll be so anxious that he’ll flee to his father’s side for comfort. “It’s why she took moving here so well; used to the weather in Utah I guess. I’m Natalie,” she offered a slender hand encased in a lambskin glove.

“Tyler. You just moved here?”

“Couple weeks ago. Took a job with Goldman Sachs. I’ve always wanted to live here, mind you. A dream going back to my childhood; Central Park, Broadway shoes, shopping at Bergdorfs. A lot of stuff on my to do list. Your accent; you’re a long way from home.”

“Our second place is here. Kids love coming to stay. Especially during the winter. They love having a white Christmas.”

“Must be a change. Going from somewhere hot and sunny to this. Why go from the ocean and the sand to snow and slush? And most of all, why New York City?”

“My wife spent some time here. Fell in love with it. Always wanted to get back. And our oldest lives here. In Queens. He’s in his first year of med school.”

“You have a kid old enough to have done four years of undergrad and is now in med school?”

Tyler nods. There’s no need for specifics. No reason to tell a complete stranger about Ovi and his background and how he’d wound up going from Mumbai to Colorado and then onto Australia. That part of their lives is firmly rooted in the past; Dhaka, Asif, Mahajan Senior. And it’s not something either of them enjoy revisiting. The years have gone by excruciatingly slow; leaving mountains of mental and physical issues behind. “I’ve got grandkids too.”

“Seriously?”

“Two of them. Boy and a girl. Three and eight months.”

“You’re a grandpa?”

“As much as I hate being called that, yeah. I am.”

“Makes you feel old? Being called that?”

“Just thinking about it makes me feel old.” He takes a swig of coffee; watching as Tanner abandons his snowman and his new playmate in favour of returning to the swings. The ten year old is doing better than expected; not growing agitated or anxious when the little girl immediately follows him and once more attempts to make conversation.

“How old is he?”

“Ten. Eleven next month.”

“He’s shy. Or he’s already playing hard to get when it comes to girls.”

“He has Autism. Aspergers. It’s one of the things he struggles with; making friends.”

“I’m sorry, it must be hard. It must be…”

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. I mean, look at him. He’s healthy. He’s happy for the most part. He’s beautiful. He’s a good kid. A REALLY good kid. We’re lucky to have him.”

“And are those your only two? The med student and him? Quite the age gap.”

“Actually, I have six more at home.”

Natalie’s eyes widen. “You have eight kids?”

“I do. Well, technically the oldest one isn’t mine. Not by blood. We took him in when he was fifteen. But I do have six more at home.”

“All biological?”

Tyler nods.

“All with the same mother?”

“Every last one of them.”

“I don’t know whether you’re crazy or brave. Or a mix of both.”

“Guess that’s up for debate. It’s a pretty full house.”

“God help the woman who got pregnant SEVEN times.”

“It was actually only five times. We have two sets of twins. Ten and five.”

“Wow,” Natalie laughs. “That’s quite the brood. You don’t see that very often these days; big families like that.”

“Once we started, we couldn’t stop I guess. We were supposed to be done at four, but…”

“Things happened.”

“That’s one way of putting it. You said you just moved here?”

“Number thirty-three. You?”

“Eleven.”

“The one right on the corner? With the two dogs? A shepherd and a…”

“Australian shepherd. Mac and Saju. Two major pains in the ass.”

“They love to stand on the couch. Look out the front window. My daughter always waves to them. She keeps hoping one day they’ll be outside. So she can meet them.”

“They’re standing on the couch because they like to spy on the neighbours. And growl and bark at the squirrels. They’re used to koalas and kangaroos. Not squirrels. They’re not the brightest, but they’re loyal.”

“I walked by the other day and when I saw all the kids out front, I thought it might be a daycare. That was a nanny with them? Cute little thing with dark hair. Didn’t look old enough to be their mom.”

“That IS their mom,” he confirms. “My wife is very tiny and cute. And I agree; she does NOT look old enough to have that many kids.”

“It would be nice to meet some of the other families around here. There aren't many with young kids, so it was a relief to see people at the park. My daughter’s always looking for new friends.”

“Well, she’s got a lot to choose from at our house, that’s for sure. I don’t think the wife would mind if you popped by. She’s the social butterfly. Complete opposite of me.”

“I don’t know, you seem to be holding your own in this conversation. A little gruff at times and straight to the point, but…”

“This is me on my best behaviour. It doesn’t get any better.”

A smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “I think it’s perfectly fine how it is.”

Smirking, he downs the remains of his coffee and tosses it in the nearby trash. It’s a line that’s been crossed. Not appreciating little smiles and flirtatious comments and the insistent way she keeps stepping even closer to him; not realizing that he grows more agitated and uncomfortable each time he moves away. It’s annoying; unwanted attention even AFTER you’ve told someone that you’re married. Most women -and some men- seem to take it as a challenge; an extra thrilling chase to land someone that’s declared themselves unavailable. And maybe it’s worked for them before; landing a guy that claims to be happily married and getting him to abandon all his morals and betray the one person he’s supposed to love more than life itself. But that sure as hell ISN’T him. He doesn’t need or want anyone else. Perfectly content to spend the rest of his existence with just one person; happy to wake up to the same face every day, kiss the same lips and make love to the same body , and hear the same voice and laugh.

“Daddy!” Tanner calls as he bounds through the snow; wrapping both arms around one of Tyler’s thighs. “Can we go now? I’m getting cold. And I miss mum.”

“Yeah, we can go. I bet she misses you too.”

“Hey there, cutie.” Natalie smiles, and crouches down to the little boy’s level.

“No,” Tanner shakes his head and slides behind Tyler, hiding himself behind his father’s legs. “Please don’t.”

“He doesn’t like eye contact. Not with people he doesn’t know. Scares him. It’s okay, Nug.” Reaching behind his body, he lays a hand on the back of Tanner’s head and gently pushes; encouraging him to come out of hiding. “Don’t be nervous. I’m right here. Nothing’s going to happen. Just people trying to meet you. Wanting to be friends.”

“That’s all?”

“That’s all. Just someone being nice. Can you come on out? At least say hi? There’s nothing to be scared of.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure. Come on…” he lifts one leg, allowing Tanner to slip between them. “...can you just say hi? I won’t ask for more than that.”

Tanner nods, both arms once more wrapping around his father’s thigh; body leaning into him, needing that comfort and support. “Hi.”

"I’m not trying to scare you, I promise,” Natalie says. “Just trying to make friends. What’s your name?”

Tanner glances up at his dad. Looking for reassurance. And permission.

“It’s okay. You can tell her.”

He looks back at the woman in front of him. “Tanner.”

“How old are you?”

“Ten. Almost eleven.”

“I hear you have a lot of brothers and sisters.”

He nods. “I have a twin. He’s older than I am. His name’s Tyler. Like daddy.”

“And is he as handsome? As you and daddy?”

“I don’t know. I guess. He’s really tall. And strong. Like daddy. He’s almost taller than mummy already!”

“Well your mum’s pretty tiny,” Tyler reasons, and straightens out Tanner’s scarf and hat; pulling the beanie down over the tops of his ears. “Speaking of mum, want to go see her?”

“Yeah,” Tanner nods enthusiastically. “I wanna see her. I miss her. I want to give her a hug. And her goodies. We got mum her favourites,” he addresses Natalie. “Mummy loves croissants. From a certain place. So daddy and I took the subway to get them. And he got her something really nice. From a really expensive jewellery store. There was lots of sparkly stuff in there. Mummy likes sparkly stuff but never lets daddy buy her any. She says he spoils her too much.”

Natalie smiles. I’m sure your mom deserves to be spoiled.”

“Oh, she definitely does. She’s the best mummy. And the prettiest. She puts up with a lot. Especially from Millie. That’s my oldest sister. She’s a bitch.”

Tyler frowns. “Tanner….”

“I’m just sayin’. Millie is really mean. She’s almost a teenager. That’s why. They get mean at that age. Girls. That’s what daddy says.”

“And on that note,” Tyler chuckles. ���I think we should go home. You’re gonna wanna pee soon, aren’t ya.”

“Yeah. And you can’t drop your pants and go in the bushes here. Wayyyy too cold. I got snow in my boot. My sock is wet. I can’t walk in wet socks.”

“You could if you wanted to. It’s like a hundred feet away.”

“Naw. I don’t like it. The feeling. My foot is cold. And wet. My sock is too squishy.”

“You’re demanding.” Scooping Tanner up with one hand, he settles him on his hip, then reaches for the bags he’d hung earlier on the rungs of the fence. “Ready to go? Go and see and mummy?”

“Ready, Freddy. I’m hungry.”

“Me too.”

“You’re ALWAYS hungry. Giants eat a lot. Bye” ! Tanner waves a mitten in farewell in Natalie’s direction. “I like your hat, by the way. I like the panda bear pin on it. It’s sparkly. And I like panda bears.”

“Well, I like your glasses. You’re awful cute, you know that.”

“Cute like daddy, smart like mummy,” Tanner declares, as he curls an arm around his dad’s neck. “Bye new friend!”

“Bye, kiddo. You be good. Although something tells me you always are.”

Tanner giggles. “You’ll change your mind once you get to know me. I can be really annoying.”

“Something tells me you’re more cute than annoying.”

“Just you wait,” he singsongs, and then gives one final wave before being carried out the gate.

[allisonxmoynihan]

always be my baby ~ p. moynihan

Request: could you write something with any of the boys moynihan where you see him after a really bad break up and memories come flooding back in and you end up talking and he says if he could go back and do it all over again with you he would

Word Count: 7391

Note: This was previously posted on my old account but with a different title. After posting I thought this title was better suited. But I wanted to repost this because I got a lot of requests for a part two, so that will be in the works soon!

You were sitting on your bed with your dad’s gift sprawled out in front of you: a picture collage of you and him throughout your 18 years of life, your baby photo smack dab in the middle; the picture frame was decorated in vintage buttons, something you knew your dad would appreciate. You were trying to figure out how to wrap it as you were on a facetime call with your best friends Kelsie and Olivia.

“Yeah, I don’t know Kels, it’s really weird that he asked for your opinion on what to wear if he was only going to ask Jenna out like three hours later,” you say finally selecting on the wrapping paper that says ‘super dad’ and ‘my number one hero’ all over it. 

“That’s what I’m saying, girl we’re gonna find you someone though because no one is gonna treat one of my girls like that,” Olivia sasses.

“Thanks girls. Hey, y/n what time is the barbeque? Your mom just said to come today, but like when? Because I don’t wanna be late, but I gotta get ready so I look good. Oh! Lemme show you the dress I’m gonna wear!” Kelsie exclaims, running over to her closet.

You laugh, “you can come whenever, I’m going down to help my mom cook in a little bit anyway. My dad’s fishing with the little troublemakers right now, so it’s going to be a surprise.”

You pick out a blue and green braided ribbon to compliment the wrapping paper as the girls explain that they’re going to get ready and head over right away to help you and your mom. Grabbing your dad’s gift, you walk downstairs to the kitchen where your mom stands fumbling over a recipe book.

“I don’t know why they make the print so small when older people are the ones that cook!” she exclaims, “y/n, get over here. Can you read this for me? Does it say ¾ tbs.?”

You crinkle up your face, “mom, what the heck, it says ½ a teaspoon.”

“You know, one day you’re going to be just like me needing your kids to read recipes to you.” She pauses when she looks up, her face softening when she sees you in your white floral dress with your hair curled and held back in a half up half down style. A wide smile blossoms on her face, “oh, sweetie, you’re so beautiful,”

Your face grows red in embarrassment at your mom’s compliment, “mooommm,” you whine causing her to smile back at you.

“Come on, are you helping or what? We have almost fifty people coming in two hours, and where are Liv and Kels?”

As if on cue Olivia and Kelsie come in through the front door and into the kitchen, gift bags in hand.

“Hello!” They sing together.

You smile at your best friends as your mom directs them on how to help prepare various dishes for the party. 

By the time the food tables are neatly organized by appetizers, main dishes, and desserts, guests come flooding into your backyard and find themselves preoccupied with cornhole, chit chatting, or gossiping about the neighborhood kids.

Your little brothers Luke and Nate come running into the backyard, “He’s coming!” they squeal, hiding behind the slide so that they can scare your dad.

When your dad rounds the corner and sees everyone he starts laughing as everyone yells a big, “surprise!” 

Your brothers come up to you and your friends asking if you guys can go to the front yard to play basketball, and you happily oblige to their request. The three of you let the six year old boys outrun you and score over and over again as they giggle and boast about how great they are. The moment is cut short when you look up to see the Moynihan clan approaching your driveway. You feel your throat begin to tighten as you turn around and run inside to the bathroom. 

Your family and the Moynihans were close, so you knew it was inevitable that you would eventually see him again. You’ve been dreaming up the different ways this exact moment would happen, but nothing could prepare you for this. You cuss at yourself for thinking you were actually over the only boy you had ever really loved. It’s easy to think you’re over someone when you don’t have to see them every day, but seeing Patrick getting out of the backseat of his mom’s car had everything come flooding back in. And that’s when it finally hit you: you were still madly in love with him.

~*~

It was the first weekend of December, a light snowfall dusting the grounds of Millis that you and Patty found yourselves downtown Boston for the annual tree lighting ceremony. The cold winter breeze caused your body to go numb, but you were thankful for the hot coco patrick had bought that was keeping you warm. 

You were standing in front of him with your back pressed against his torso towards the front of the crowd, his hands wrapped loosely around your waist, his chin resting on your shoulder. He was gently swaying you back and forth as dusk was fast approaching.

“Do you wanna come over and help decorate sugar cookies after the ceremony?” patty asks, pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. 

You feel a blush creep onto your cheeks. Knowing you didn’t want this night to end you accepted his offer. Baking with patrick was something you always wanted to do but never really had the guts to ask to do. It’s not that you thought he wouldn’t do it with you, because you had him wrapped so tightly around your finger, the boy would do absolutely anything for you if you asked. 

“Awesome,” he grins, “we just have to stop at the grocery store on our way home then. Mom said we need frosting and food coloring.” you nod, a shiver coming over you. “You cold?” he asks, and without waiting for an answer he takes off his scarf and wraps it around your neck smiling at you, “looks way better on you,”

You roll your eyes playfully at him, “you’re such a loser, you know that right?”

He chuckles, “oh yeah? A loser that you love”

The two of you stand in silence as the stars become visible and the skyline becomes illuminated in the shadows of the night. You and patty stare up at the enormous tree in the middle of Boston Common, the mayor starting a countdown and everyone eagerly joining in. And before you know it the tree is sparkling and the ornaments radiate and reflect the light. An older couple offers to take your photo with Patrick in front of the lit tree, and you couldn’t be any happier than right here in this moment with your boyfriend.

On the car ride to Shaw’s you and Patty are blasting Luke Combs and singing along. Patrick turns up the volume when Beautiful Crazy comes on, “Alright ladies and gents, this song is dedicated to the one and only love of my life,  y/n y/l/n, my beautiful girlfriend that I love more than anything in this world.” You laugh at his pretending of giving a concert as he starts to belt out the lyrics, “She's unpredictable, unforgettable, It's unusual, unbelievable, How I'm such a fool, yeah, I'm such a fool for her…” Pat scream sings, closing his eyes and tilting his head back on the headrest. 

You giggle at the sight, taking over the next line, “The way that she dances, ain't afraid to take chances”

“And wears her heart on her sleeve”

“Yeah, she's crazy, she's crazy, she's crazy”

The two of you look each other in the eyes, smiling widely as Patrick finishes off the song, “But her crazy's beautiful to me”

Back at the Moynihan household Mrs. Moynihan takes out a container of six cookies for you two to decorate, “you’re lucky the girls saved some for you two,” she smiles, starting to mix different food colorings into separate bowls of frosting. “Let me know when you kiddos are done and I’ll clean up while you take y/n home, okay?” Mrs. Moynihan says as she pats Patrick on the back before walking into the family room to join her husband. 

“Thanks mama,” Patty calls out after her.

You grab a cookie and some light blue frosting, getting ready to make a snowflake and accent it with the white pearl sprinkles Mrs. Moynihan took down for you. Patty starts singing holiday tunes as he’s bopping his head up and down to the beat of the songs, “y/n don’t be a grinch! Join in!” he laughs, throwing a handful of sprinkles at you.

“Patrick!” you hiss, as he starts singing Jingle Bells.

“Come on y/n, I know you know this one!” you shake your head but join in anyway.

You finish your snowflake cookie, glad that it actually turned out and wasn’t ugly. You go to show Patrick, but in the process you see his creation. “Uhh, what is that?”

He looks up at you confused, “A hockey stick, what else does it look like?” he scoffs.

You raise your eyebrows looking at the crooked black lines that are scribbled on his cookie as he works on filling it in, his tongue hanging out the side of his mouth, clearly in deep concentration. 

“I don’t know, it kind of looks like a mangled spider leg.”

He looks at you with a hurt expression on his face, “I can’t believe you just said that to me.”

You smile, “Yeah, well at least you’re good at something, Patty… but it’s definitely not this.”

~*~

You walk out to your backyard to see your mom waving you over to her and some of the book club moms.

“y/n why don’t you tell everyone about your plan to go to New York,” she smiles encouragingly.

You hate the attention your mom brings to your project all the time, but you’re also thankful that she’s supportive and proud of your hard work and dedication.

“Oh, it’s nothing really. I’m in a film class at school so I’m going to New York in a couple of weeks with Kelsie and Olivia to make a short film to bring attention to the homeless and ways we can fight it together.”

The moms look at you all impressed, “Oh wow, that’s very nice. And where do you go to school again honey?” one of the moms asks you.

“Tufts,”

“Oh, how impressive,” the moms turn back to your own mom and begin gossiping about the next thing that comes across their mind. 

You turn on your heel to go look for Liv and Kels to save you from all the parents boasting about their kids’ accomplishments and gossiping about the rebellious neighborhood kids. And that’s when you see it, and your heart sinks all over again. At the table you see Patrick and your dad talking. Patty says something that must have made your dad laugh because your dad throws his head back, slapping his knee, as Patrick chuckles softly to himself. You feel hot tears sting your eyes and threaten to spill as you try and fight them back.

You try to ignore the memories of the weekly disney marathons at your house that Patrick would come to, but to no avail the memories come flooding in all over again. The two of you snuggled up on the couch, him rubbing soft circles on your back and kissing the top of your head. How he wasn’t afraid to cry at the sad and ugly parts, but how’d he laugh and make jokes at the other parts. The way he’d run to cover Luke and Nate’s eyes when a kiss scene would appear on the screen. You would give everything back for just one more night like that, to be back in his toned arms where it felt like home.

You feel tears start to slide down your cheeks, as you zone back into reality, your dad and Patty still conversing with each other. and before you know it Olivia and Kelsie are guiding you up to your room, away from the party and guests outside. 

“y/n, come on, you know you can talk to us,” Kelsie coos rubbing your back as silent tears stroll down your cheeks.

“I just d-didn’t think seeing h-him would be this h-hard,” you hiccup, a loud sob escaping your mouth.

Olivia pulls you into a hug, “oh honey,” Kelsie joins in, rubbing your tears away.

“I don’t know why, but I just really miss him still,” you cry out, finally letting all your built up emotions pour out as you bury your face in Olivia's shoulder, your two best friends just holding you close and wiping your tears as they fall. 

~*~

Patty 🥰

I’ll come pick u up after practice

y/n

What time?

Patty 🥰

7 i’ll see u soon baby i love you sm

y/n

I love you too patty

You put your phone down on the counter, trying to hide the inevitable smile that was occupying your face.

“Why are you so happy?” Your mom asks coming into the kitchen, “Something with Pat, huh?” she asks, laughing to herself as she goes over to wash some dishes.

You open the refrigerator to get some orange juice, “we’re going on a picnic tonight for our two year anniversary.” 

“Oh, how sweet, do we need to get anything for your picnic?”

“No, he said he’s got everything taken care of”

Your mom nods, going over to the stove to dry her hands on the towel that hangs off the oven door. “And what did we get lover boy for your anniversary?”

You take a sip of your orange juice, “I made him a scrapbook of everything that’s happened in the last two years between us and at the back i wrote him a letter,” you explain to your mom how you made sure to include all the cringey parts from the beginning of your relationship, like the time you tried to impress him at the eighth grade dance by wearing heels you could not walk in to save your life. 

She smiles, “I’m sure he’s going to love that, it sounds very sweet y/n.”

“Thanks mama,” you say, leaning into her side as she presses a kiss to the top of your head.

“What are we wearing tonight?” she asks, fashion was always your mom’s favorite thing and she was ecstatic when she found out she was having a baby girl so that she could dress you up all cute and do your hair. 

You shrug your shoulders, “I haven’t really figured that out yet,”

Your mom glances at the clock on the wall, “Well his practice is over soon, so why don’t we go look at some outfit options.” you follow your mom up to your room and she instantly goes to your closet searching through the thousands and thousands of clothes that occupied the hangers and shelves.

You sigh, “I don’t know what he’s wearing though, like I don’t want to be too dressed up but I don’t want to look like a slob either,”

Your mom nods, “Well, a little birdie told me what he packed in his bag to wear, and I think this dress would be just darling on you tonight,” your mom says holding up your long sleeve yellow dress with the pink and white little daisies printed on it. “And wear it with those brown slide on sandals, you know, the ones we got last month.”

You smile up at her, “thanks mom,” you say getting off your bed and grabbing the dress from her and heading into your bathroom to change. You smooth the dress over your body and start straightening your hair. By the time you’re done getting ready you hear the doorbell ring and you feel the butterflies in your stomach take off. You run into your room and slide your shoes on before grabbing Patty’s gift and running downstairs.

Patrick is standing in the foyer talking to your dad. You’re happy to see that Patty is also dressed nicely for the occasion.

“Luke, Nate, and I are making nachos and watching some baseball, Mrs. y/l/n has book club tonight so we’re having a boys night,”

Pat smiles, “Ah nice, yeah my dad and I definitely had our fair share of those when the girls all left,” He laughs, glancing up at the stairs before looking back over at your dad. His eyes dart back over to you as his jaw drops, a light blush creeping up on his cheeks. 

 Your dad pats his shoulder, “Be safe tonight, okay, and don’t do anything stupid. Make good choices, alright?” He points his finger at Pat before planting a kiss on the top of your head and walking into the living room where your brothers are. 

Pat smiles down at you, “you look absolutely stunning,” 

You blush smacking his shoulder playfully, “you don’t look too bad yourself moynihan,”

He laughs, grabbing your hand and leading you out to his car. On the car ride Pat is telling you about his last practice with Nobles, how their last game is coming up on Tuesday, and how you totally have to be there for it.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” you say reassuringly

He smiles, pulling into a parking spot, “So, the spot i found for us is a little bit of a walk, but uh, it’s not too far.”

You nod, “okie dokie,”

Pat grabs the picnic basket and grabs your hand, interlacing your fingers with his, as he guides you down the paved path towards the little pond in the nature preserve. Patty lays out the picnic blanket in front of the pond, and the two of you find yourselves smiling and talking about everything and anything over your peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and strawberries. You slide the scrapbook you made over to him, and you see a wide smile, the one you’ve come to love so much, spread upon his face. He opens it up and starts looking at all the pages, documenting your love story from eighth grade to now. 

“Thank you, baby,” he smiles, closing the scrapbook and digging deep into his pocket. “Here, give me your arm,” he says as you hold your arm out to him. He takes out a bracelet that he clasps around your wrist. You look down and smile at the infinity chain bracelet that now adorned your wrist.

“You have my heart forever and always baby,” he says, putting his hand on top of yours.

You lean over and press a kiss to his cheek, “I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m so lucky to have you in my life.” 

You find yourselves lying on your backs, hand in hand, looking up at the sky, the sun almost disappearing, as the sky was a canvas of pinks, blues, and oranges. This night was everything you asked for and more, you felt like you were on top of the world, and to top it all off you had the best guy in the entire world by your side. Hours pass by and you and Pat find yourselves snuggled up, looking at the night sky and stargazing.

“Look it’s the big dipper,” he laughs, lifting his arm up and pointing at a constellation.

You giggle, hiding your face in his chest, “Pattt, that’s orion’s belt, oh my gosh,” 

He laughs, looking down at you with adoration filled in his eyes. His eyes flick down to your lips and back up to your e/c eyes before leaning in and placing a soft and slow kiss to your lips. You smile into the kiss, readjusting so you’re straddled over his hips. Patty’s lips trail down your skin, peppering your neck with kisses as he nips at the skin just above your collarbone. Your hands find themselves tangled in his hair, tugging loosely at the ends. Pat’s hands slide up your dress and rest on your bare skin as he kisses back up your neck before pressing a passionate kiss to your lips. 

Patrick turns you over as he lifts your dress up and over your head, before reconnecting his lips to yours. You feel him growing hard above your throbbing core, you grind your hips against him and he lets out a throaty groan, letting his hands roam your body. You two separate for a moment, your forehead pressed against his, your breathing hard and heavy.

“You’re sure this is okay?” he asks, sincerity filling his voice.

You nod your head, “I love you patrick,” you say as you pull his shirt off, pulling him into a deep kiss. His hands move down to kick off his khakis as he trails kisses down your skin, “I love you too baby girl,” he hums against your skin. The small, quiet whimpers leaving your mouth causing Patty to smile against your skin. He presses a final kiss to your abdomen before sliding your underwear down to your legs and inserting two fingers into you. You let out a soft moan, digging your nails into his biceps as he thrusts his fingers in and out of you, quickening his pace. You feel a knot forming in your stomach as you squint your eyes shut. Patty removes his fingers before sucking on them. 

“Patty,” you whine

He smiles at your desperation as he nonchalantly removes himself from his boxers before lining up with your entrance and thrusting in. He sucks on the skin of your neck as he continues his thrusts, tiny grunts escaping his mouth as you moan out his name. 

“Patty, harder,” you grumble as you tug on his hair.

He’s biting down particularly hard as he pushes harder. You start lifting your hips up to meet his thrusts making it easier for him. 

“You’re so good baby,” he mumbles against your skin, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier, “I know you’re almost there, baby girl.” The knot in your stomach tightens, as you release, a throaty moan leaving your lips. Patty smiles, kissing up your neck and kissing you on the lips once more. His pace continues until he’s releasing into you, planting kisses all over your skin. 

“Happy two years y/n, I can’t wait to spend the next eighty with you by my side,”

~*~

Olivia and Kelsie convince you to leave your room after you’ve calmed down a little.  “Come on, you need to eat, okay? It’ll make you feel better.”

“And we’ll be there the whole time to keep you distracted!” Kelsie pipes in, the two girls guiding you back outside. 

You grab a plate of some of your mom’s famous mashed potatoes and a cheeseburger heading over to the seat at the table in between Liv and Kels.

“Oh my gosh, did I show you the dress my sister picked for her wedding?” Kelsie squeals, grabbing her phone and scrolling through her text messages. You and Liv share a knowing look before hovering over Kelsie’s screen.

“Oh my gosh, that’s beautiful!” you and Liv say in unison. 

Kelsie locks her screen, “42 dresses later, right?” she laughs, continuing to fill you two in on all the wedding details. You hear your little brothers squeal and you whip your head around on instinct. Upon doing so you lock eyes with him for the first time since he turned around, walked out, and never came back. You feel everything around you freeze, your breath hitches in your throat, and the cup of water in your hand falls to the table and spills. All the hurt and pain comes creeping back into your life as you lose yourself in his clear blue eyes. You feel a tear slide down your cheek as you remember the beginning of the end, where everything started to fall apart. And once again, you begin to wonder how you could have saved your relationship with the only man you ever wanted to be with.

~*~

After months of begging, your parents finally agreed to let you fly out to Michigan on your fall break so that you could see Patrick. It was his final year with the ntdp before leaving for college, and you and some of his teammates were at a diner grabbing some food after one of their games. It’s all fun and games, his teammates and their girlfriends quickly growing fond of you and including you in all the jokes. 

Next to you Chelsea taps Fran’s shoulder, “look who it is,” she says, rolling her eyes at the group of beautiful, tall, skinny, blondes that come strolling into the diner. You turn and look at her, “Who are those girls?” 

Fran laughs, shaking her head, “They’re the popular group at school, think they own the place.” you wrinkle up your nose, knowing a handful of girls like that at your own school. 

You go to tell Patty something and that’s when you notice him checking out one of the girls, his eyes following her as she bends down to pick up her dropped phone. You swallow the lump that formed in your throat, blinking away the tears, as you shove a fork full of mac-n-cheese into your mouth. You couldn’t understand how every other guy at the table couldn’t care less about the group of stunning blondes that strolled in, but your boyfriend of four years couldn’t get enough of them. 

Back at his billet house the two of you are alone up in his room, scrolling through netflix to find something to watch.

“y/n what’s wrong? You’ve barely said a word to me all night.”

You shrug, scrolling through instagram on your phone.

He throws himself down on his bed, leaning over to press a kiss to your cheek but you turn away from him.

“What the fuck, babe, what’s going on?”

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe the fact that my boyfriend paid more attention to the stuck up blonde bitch at the diner than me all night” you retort

He looks taken aback, “what the hell are you even talking about?” his tone getting defensive.

You give him an ‘oh come on’ face, “really pat? You had googly eyes, motherfucking googly eyes at her and she winked at you. Winked. Did you think I wouldn't notice?”

Patrick scoffs beside you, “oh and you’re just a saint, right? You never look at any guys because you’re innocent and you’re totally committed to me”

“Are you seriously trying to turn this on me right now?”

“Don’t think I don’t know about aaron the infamous soccer player,”

“Jesus christ, I was failing biology and he was my tutor, there was nothing ever going on between us” you huff.

“I don’t get why you’re getting so upset right now, so what i checked out another girl?”

“You don’t get why i’m getting upset? Patrick, you promised me you would stay loyal to me and the minute I get here you’re looking at any other girl you can find. Am i that big of a joke to you?” the tears come streaming down your cheeks and Patty pulls you into a hug, you sobbing into his chest. 

“Baby, i’m sorry, I didn’t mean it, okay? I’m not going anywhere.”

~*~

You, Olivia, and Kelsie are gathered at the fire pit, roasting some marshmallows for s’mores when you look over to find Luke and Nate playing cornhole with Patty. You smile softly, knowing how much your brothers adored him and looked up to him. You swear, the amount of times you heard one of them say they want to be just like Patty when they grow up was too many to count. 

Kelsie starts talking about her dorm assignment for the following school year and how she got the bad dorm, and Olivia sympathizes with her. The three of you bounce around your favorite high school memories, sometimes gossiping about random kids in your grade.

“Oh my god, did you guys see Marty and Miranda had a baby and now they’re engaged?” 

“What the actual fuck” olivia laughs, smushing her marshmallow between chocolate and graham crackers. 

You steal another look at Patty and see your brothers dangling from his arms, a wide grin on his face. 

“Higher Patty,” they cheer as Patrick lifts his arms higher and higher, giggles and screams flooding from their mouths. Patrick drops his arms suddenly and the two young boys squeal, as he begins to lift his arms up once again. 

He lifts his head up, seeing you watching him, and offers a smile your way. You nod your head, turning back to Kelsie and Olivia who are now talking about the vacation the three of you have planned in late July.

“y/n, did you find a cute swimsuit yet for our Bora Bora trip?”

You shake your head, “no, we’ll have to go to the mall and get one. I need your opinion anyway”

Your eyes wander back over to Patty and your brothers who are now playing a game of tag.

“Oh my god,” olivia gushes.

“What” you and Kelsie ask impatiently,

Olivia goes red, “uh, nothing” she says going to toast another marshmallow.

“No, tell us!” you laugh

Kelsie smiles, “wait, awww”

“What,” you groan

“y/n, he’s stealing glances at you as he’s playing with Luke and Nate”

~*~

You and Patrick were sprawled across his family room couch watching Marley and Me with his sisters. You and Pat couldn’t help the uncontrollable laughter that escaped your lips.

“Would you two quit it?” Cayley hisses, throwing a pillow at the two of you.

“Sorry,” you giggle, handing your phone to Patty who chuckles and throws his head back at the picture on your screen.

“Shut up,” Ciara shouts, whipping her slipper at him.

“Stop, they’re in love” Corey says

“God, they make me sick,” Ciara groans.

You and Patty ignore them, “want to go back up to my room?”

Ciara gags, “ew, please don’t be too loud”

“Use protection, I’m too young to be an aunt” Cayley calls out.

Patty flips them off as he snakes his arm around your waist, guiding you up to his room.

Once you’re up there you jump onto his bed sprawling out in the middle of it. Patty lies down on top of you, “did you bring the goods?”

You laugh, “yes, they’re in my bag” 

He rolls over and grabs your bag, pulling it into his lap and sifting through the contents. He smiles pulling out your one direction t-shirt, a head band, and a denim skirt. “Oh yes,” he smiles.

“Okay, but where’s mine?” you say, sitting up excitedly. 

Patty leans over the side of his bed and grabs a pile of his clothes, throwing it up to you.

You smile, “your Nobles hockey sweatshirt, your nike sweatpants, and a bruins hat? Perfect!” 

The two of you spend the rest of the afternoon talking about how excited you are for the halloween party at one of his teammate’s houses while watching Mulan on the tv that stood on his dresser. 

“Mulan saved china,” he mumbles,

You smile, poking his cheek, “yeah, and you can’t even score a goal against the easiest team in the conference”

He squeezes your sides and you squeal, “i’m kidding, you definitely did score a goal that the ref decided was off of a penalty so they took it away”

“That’s right, but holy shit she saved china”

You laugh, shaking your head, snuggling into his chest.

You wake from your nap to Patty shaking you lightly. 

“Good evening sleeping beauty,” he jokes,

You smile, rubbing at your eyes and sitting up, “hi,”

Pat stands up, “we should probably get our costumes on so we can head over to the party,”

You stand up, replacing your clothes with patty’s clothes he picked out for you and he does the same. He laughs looking at you, “aren’t we just the cutest couple”

You smile as if you’re a five year old on her birthday, “no one will know who is who! This is the best costume idea ever!”

When you two burst through the door of his teammate’s house, Patty is strutting, shaking his hips side to side as you attempt to walk, shaking your shoulders like you see all the boys at school do. 

“would you look at the golden couple” someone shouts as all eyes fall onto you and Patty.

~*~

When Patty told you that he was able to be home for your prom, you were beyond excited. All of your friends had dates and you really didn’t want to be the only one that didn’t have a guy to go with. 

You, Liv, and Kelsie were in Olivia’s room, curling your hair, doing make-up, and painting nails. The three of you had had a sleepover the previous night to make today easier. 

“I can’t wait for pictures,” Kelsie says, pulling out her tube of mascara

Olivia starts fanning her hand over her toe nails, “I can’t wait to see the guys,” she laughs

You smile, “I’m just happy to see Patty again,”

“See, this is why I want a boyfriend. That’s cute, and what? I’m going to prom with the senior quarterback and I’ll never hear from him again!” Kelsie laughs.

The three of you finish fine tuning your look before going and getting your dresses on. You have Olivia zip up your blush pink ball gown prom dress that’s decorated with a silver beaded sash around your waist. You smile as you slip on your heels, and look in the mirror at the three of you, “wow, we look so good” Kelsie smiles, snapping a photo.

The three of you walk outside to the waterfall fountain in Olivia’s backyard. Your heart skips a beat when you see Patrick, his hair was longer than you remember, but he still looked as charming as ever. Patrick looks up and sees you fast approaching and his face grows soft, a deep red brushing his cheeks, his tongue darting out to wet his lips. He pecks your lips, “you look beautiful y/n”

You, Pat, Liv, Kels, and their dates are dancing on the dance floor, laughing and having the time of your lives when Perfect by ed sheeran starts to play. You and Patty freeze, as he places his hands on your hips, your arms going up and wrapping around his neck. The two of you gently sway to the music and he presses his forehead to yours.

“I’m so happy you were able to come tonight Patty,”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world,”

“You’ve really made me feel like a princess tonight” you laugh, suddenly feeling goofy for saying that.

He laughs, “good, you deserve to feel like a princess every day” 

You tilt your head up and kiss him gently. There’s nothing more that you could ever want than to be here in his arms, on this perfect night.

“I can’t wait for our wedding night,”

~*~

You once again found yourself in Michigan visiting Patty for spring break. After one of his home games the two of you find yourselves sitting in his car in the parking lot of the hotel you were staying at. You weren’t sure what it was, but there was some sort of tension between the two of you that made you worried.

“Patty, i know you lost the game and you’re upset, but come on, what’s wrong?”

“I hate when you fucking call me that” he snaps, his voice cold and sharp.

You look at him confused, “o-oh, sorry,”

He pulls out his phone, tilting the screen away from you as he types out a fast text message and puts his phone away again.

“Why do you keep coming out here to visit?”

“What do you mean? You’re my boyfriend and I miss you, of course i’d come and visit you,” you notice him flinch at the word boyfriend and you place your hand on his, “Patt-” he pulls his hand away and tears sting your eyes, “wh-what’s going on?”

He scratches his head looking out his window, mumbling something under his breath.

“I can’t hear you,”

“I said I fucking cheated, what do you want me to go and scream it to the world,” he rolls down his window leaning his head out of it, “HEY EVERYONE I CHEATED ON Y/N” he yells. In that moment it feels like someone is suffocating you, and you can’t breathe.

You feel hot tears spill down your cheeks, “why?” you somehow manage croak out

He turns to look at you, his eyes watering up at the sight of you for an instant before he goes back to suppressing his emotions, “I don’t know,” 

“You. don’t. Know.” you say hitting him hard on the chest after each word, “how can you not know? What’d you do? You didn’t go all the way, did you? You didn’t kiss her, did you?”

His lack of an answer is enough for you to know that he betrayed you and went against everything he ever promised you.

“What the hell patrick, how could you? You promised me forever”

“I never loved you, you know that right?”

“Do you even hear yourself right now”

“You know the funny thing y/n? You sit there and act like you’re so perfect, like you have everything together, that no matter what happens in this world you’re going to come out on top.”

“I-is that r-really what you think of me?” you cry out.

He holds up his finger, “But I know what you’re really like. You act like such a saint because you’re scared people are going to find out how big of a slut you really are.”

“Excuse me? You’re the one that fucking slept with someone else while I was back home in Millis 100% devoted to you Patrick.” you scream,

“Yeah, well at least i don’t act like everyone is in love with me. After this, you’ll have no one. No one.”

“Shut the fuck up patrick”

“I can’t believe I wasted all this time on you”

You sit there in disbelief, your cheeks stained with tears, anger boiling inside you. “So what, we’re together for four and a half years and you’re just going to throw it all away? You don’t even want to try and fix it?”

“Jesus christ y/n get it through your head, there’s nothing worthwhile to fix”

You cry out ugly sobs, “Patrick, please, no, please don’t do this. Please don’t go. I’m sorry, please tell me what i did wrong, i promise i’ll make it better.”

He shakes his head, starting the car, “it’s over, okay? I don’t love you.”

Your hand is shaky as you place it on the door handle, “patty, i’m so sorry,” you say before getting out of the car and running into the hotel, not even bothering to look back at him.

Watching the best part of his life walk away, Patty drops his head into his hands, finally letting out his own tears fall as loud sobs fall from his mouth. “Mom, i really need you right now,” he cries into the phone.

~*~

“y/n,” a familiar voice sings, “y/n? Earth to y/n” you turn your head and see patrick. 

“Oh. um, hi?” 

He smiles, “hey, uh, can we go inside and talk?” 

You look over at Olivia and Kelsie who nod at you encouragingly. “Sure, I guess,” you say, standing up and walking back up to your house. Patrick follows close behind and when you stop in the middle of your living room and stare at him expectantly he just stands there.

“Well, what did you want?”

“I miss you” he blurts out and you’re instantly shocked.

You regain your composure, “It’s a little too late for that,” you go to walk past him, back outside, but he’s quick to grab your arm. “y/n, wait, please just hear me out”

You stand there and wait for him to go on. He takes a shaky breath before continuing, “y/n i love you, i still do, hell i always have. I treated you like crap and i’m sorry, but i know it’s me and you in the end, just like we always said. And we’ll have kids and grow old together, like we talked about, and we’ll travel all over europe like we planned-”

You interrupt him, “Patrick, stop.”

“Baby, please,” he begs, “you know if i could go back and do it all over again with you, i would in a heartbeat.”

~*~

Back in Millis, you felt more alone than ever even though you were surrounded by your family and friends. You just felt so broken, and you can’t help but think that maybe, just maybe, love isn’t real. If patty could get up and walk out on you after everything, you knew love couldn’t be real. 

y/n 

Hey, how are you? It’s been a while…

Your mom comes up and knocks on your door, “hey honey,” she says, coming in and sitting beside you on your bed.

You start sobbing hysterically, “mom, i really miss him”

She rubs your back, “i know you do sweetie, i know you do. But if it’s meant to be you guys will get back together,”

“Mom we were going to get married, you know that right? We talked about it, we made plans to stay in Millis and raise a family, we even picked out the house we wanted,”

“Oh honey”

“And when I looked in his eyes I saw the next eighty years of my life. I don’t want to be with anyone if it’s not him.”

“y/n, you’re young, you’re only 18. There are going to be so many other guys out there, and you’re going to Tufts in the fall. Honey, Patty isn’t the whole world”

“Mom, he’s my whole world though”

Your mom wipes away some of your tears, “honey, he’s just one guy, and there are going to be so many other guys out there. You are beautiful, talented, smart, and extremely kind. Any boy would be beyond lucky to have you, do you hear me?”

You nod your head as your mom kisses the top of your head, “i’m going to go cook some dinner, okay, i’ll call you when it’s ready.”

y/n

Patrick, please. I just feel so alone. And you’re right, i have no one. Please can we try and fix it?

You wipe more tears away as you wait for a text back. When nothing happens you try calling him, “hey it’s pat, sorry i missed you but if you leave a message i’ll call you back”

You break down at the sound of his voice, remembering all the nights you heard that same voice whispering sweet nothings in your ear, goosebumps crawling all over your skin. 

y/n

Patty please, i’m so broken

y/n

I miss you

y/n

Please come back, i need you here with me

y/n

Please, i love you

Patty 🥰

y/n stop contacting me.

You chuck your phone across your room, falling into your pillow to muffle the loud sobs that were escaping your body, and that’s when it finally hits you: Patrick Moynihan was gone and out of your life for good.

~*~

“Patty, I’m sorry. You know i love you, i always have and i always will. But i just can’t do this again.”

“y/n, please, just give me a second chance. I’ve changed, I can be the guy you’ve always deserved to be with. I can be that guy, just, please, give me a chance.”

“Patty, we both agreed I wasn’t good enough for you, remember?”

His eyes start to water up, but he’s quick to shrug it off, “baby, please...”

The tears start falling down your cheeks and he goes to wipe them away but you turn from his touch, “Patty, I’m sorry. But it’s better this way,” you go to walk back out to the backyard, leaving Patrick in the middle of your family room realizing he really messed up and he didn’t know how to get you back, but all he knew was that he needed you in his life.

[yehet-me-up]

*busts through the door like I'm the Kool-Aid man* BONJOUR FUCKERS I'M BACK!!! It is I, the Theatrical Gay Anon™! I hope you're ready to endure my endless babbling for a bit cuz I've got lots to say holy shit. Consider this part 1 of like, 1000 cuz I think Tumblr got rid of the submissions feature. I apologize in advance for the spam hehe.

Okay, with that out of the way. Ms. Yehet-Me-Up, may I call you Sarah? Sarah, what the fuck!? I can't even rn. I I give you a simple suggestion, no expectations behind it. I say "Hey, don't you think it'd be cool if Zitao was in the Exodus Mall universe?" to which you said "Yeah, that'd be neat, I might do that. Perhaps make him work at an Irish pub or something" and then I flip out with gratitude and excitement thinking you're gonna do like, a DRABBLE. 500 words at MOST -Theatrical Gay Anon

Imagine my SHOCK, my STUPEFACTION, upon realizing that you wrote OVER TEN THOUSAND WORDS about Huang Zitao aka the wind beneath my wings, the rain to my drought, the corny joke to my Junmyeon. And not only that! But you did this A MONTH AGO. I could've been reading this for so long and I had no idea! How foolish am I? I can't believe you wrote all of this based off of a silly little suggestion I made. I feel like bowing over how not worthy I am Wayne's World style -Theatrical Gay Anon

NOW IN REGARDS TO THE CONTENT OF THIS MASTERPIECE OH MY GOD WHERE DO I EVEN BEGIN!? I am floored by your preeminence. First things first, the title? Perfect. Full disclosure, I suck at titles. I've been writing for over a decade now and I'm still shit with titles. It's so hard to come up with just a few words to encapsulate everything you wrote but you do it SO WELL. The moodboard? Amazing. I've always loved that picture of Zitao and it fits so well with the pub setting -Theatrical Gay Anon

I'm afraid you've written "Fractions of Tomorrow" so well that I don't see there being a need for anyone to write anything else...ever. Stories? CANCELED. Poetry? CANCELED. Biographies? CANCELED. It's all over folks. Sarah has written The Best Thing Ever. We've peaked as a society. After I finish writing these asks I'm gonna become a hermit in the woods and make friends with all of the woodland creatures that inhabit it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

But seriously though, I love absolutely everything about this story. As a Zitao fan, I'm used to getting breadcrumbs. Not a lot of ppl write fics about him. I can count on one hand how many long fics of his you can find on Tumblr. But THIS?? This was no breadcrumb, this was a whole fucking bakery. And it all appeals to me so much oh my god? The sappiness of it all, the flowery prose, the rebellious rejection of cynicism, it's all so beautiful I want to marry it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

If I discussed all of the sentences in this fic that made me giggle with joy and kick my feet around I'd be here all day so keep in mind this is just a FRACTION of the ones I loved but I couldn't go without mentioning at least some of them so here we go. "It’s not his first time here, but it’s his first time paying attention" SHUT UP this line is go good it's so simple yet so nuanced I adore it. Seriously, why hasn't anyone hired you to write a screenplay? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"He wonders if you ironed the collar of your shirt to be that precise or if you simply move through the world without acquiring any wrinkles" God, this line is so CUTE it's DISGUSTING he's fond of the reader's un-wrinkled clothes that's such a specific thing to like and is totally the type of thing I've done with the ppl I've crushed on throughout my life. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Zitao,’ he says finally. ‘Cute.’ You say" this is such a little thing but I love that you included his full name in this. I love his full name so much it sounds really pretty. Whenever I hear him refer to himself as "Huang Zitao" in interviews my heart soars. Hearing him speak Mandarin in general is a delight as well. It's an audibly gorgeous language and any racist who says otherwise can EAT MY ENTIRE ASS -Theatrical Gay Anon

"For someone who’s been in love for as long as you can remember she fights awfully hard against Baekhyun’s romantic nature" DEAR GOD I LOVE THESE TWO! I love these movie loving lovesick fools. I love that everyone in the world knows they love each other except them. I love seeing bits and pieces of their story throughout this written universe. I can't wait to see it all come together in Baekhyun's Exodus Mall fic. It's gonna be GLORIOUS -Theatrical Gay Anon

Also! I know you enjoyed my song recs that I thought fit perfectly with All Our Broken Places so here are some for when the Baek x Hitchcock fic drops. I know it's not done yet but I just *know* what it's gonna be like I can feel it in my bones. "Sidekick" by Walk the Moon and "Tongue Tied" by Grouplove. As for Fractions of Tomorrow I knew right away what songs I'd pick. "Dreams" by The Cranberries, "Jumpstarted" by Jukebox the Ghost and "Don't Stop Believing" by Journey -Theatrical Gay Anon

Gosh, this fic filled me with so much energy and joy I feel like a toddler on caffeine. But I really should sleep now though. It's gotten so late that I can see the sunrise peaking up sdksdksl. I'll see ya soon! I will be spamming you with more compliments about this fic once I wake up though! - Theatrical Gay Anon

Hi! I'm back. Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about some of my favorite lines from the story. "‘Hey man, how’s it going?’ Baekhyun reaches out and does a complex handshake with the man before you. ‘Oh, you know. Just working at the salt mines,’ Tao says with a laugh." I LOVE that you made Baek the one Zitao was close with. I miss the beef brothers so much. I'll never forgive SM for what they did to OT12. They were all such good friends 😔 -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘I’m not sure.’ For a flash Tao’s eyes linger on you once more. ‘I think it would depend on the person.’ And then the bastard goes and winks at you." GOD, HE WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS! HE'S SUCH A SHAMELESS FLIRT I HATE HIM *narrator voice* This was of course a huge a lie, he in fact loved Zitao immensely -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Sweetheart, I’m everyone’s type.’" You've captured Zitao's unlimited confidence so well and that makes me really happy. It's one of my favorite things about him. The man truly loves himself and I think that's awesome -Theatrical Gay Anon

"Tao looks at you through his lashes, bending close enough that you can feel his breath on your lips when he speaks. ‘Words are just the appetizer, darling. I prefer to have an entire feast.’ 'Any other questions or can I grab your orders?’" ASDKDSDSL SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA SAY THAT PANTY DROPPER LINE AND GO BACK TO BUSINESS AS USUAL ZITAO???? HUH??? IS THAT WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO??? -Theatrical Gay Anon

"‘Oh, nothing.’ He looks like the cat that caught the canary. ‘I just love being right.’" Something I love about EXO fic writers (myself included lol) is that despite all of the different ways they'll write the other members, there is one member who is always written the same and that's Baekhyun. He will always be written as a cheeky little shit cuz he *is* a cheeky little shit. That's just who he is. Messing with ppl is a favorite past time of his. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"'So, love, huh? There’s not some girlfriend or boyfriend of yours waiting for you at home?’" Thank you for not being heteronormative with the "are you dating someone?" convo. I know it might not seem like much but I really appreciate it. -Theatrical Gay Anon

"The beginning of love is always a lightning bolt. If that’s all it ever is you never have to deal with being knocked on your ass by the resulting thunderstorm" OOF, this one got me. So very true. The beginning of love is so scary! -Theatrical Gay Anon

"I could argue that anarchy still is love. Love of your beliefs and love of a person or a place or a thing so much that you’re willing to fight for it" OKAY BUT PASSIONATE LEATHER JACKET WEARING ANARCHIST ZITAO IN A ROCK BAND IS SUCH AN ATTRACTIVE CONCEPT!!! There's nothing sexier than a bad boi that will hate capitalism with you! He'd probably be the one to give ppl rides to protests and stuff I LOVE IT -Theatrical Gay Anon

"If we say love is a feeling, who’s to say that we aren’t in love? If we decide it’s an action then which one is it? A kiss or a commitment or - maybe it’s nothing more complicated than putting words to the way I feel when you look at me?" Listen I don't mean to be dramatic or anything (wait, who am I kidding? I'm literally the Theatrical Gay Anon being dramatic is like my Thing) but if a guy ever said that to me my trans boi pussy would be open for business IMMEDIATELY

Alright, so, uh Final Thoughts. This may be my new favorite work of yours, and no it's not just cuz it's got my ultimate bias in it lmao. This year has been so shitty and it's made my depression + anxiety reach the highest possible levels but reading this, this love story filled with hope and certainty despite not knowing what the future will hold for them, made this year seem easier to cope with. Thank you so much for making this, it means the world to me. -Theatrical Gay Anon

ALRIGHT, LAST ASK AND THEN I'LL SHUT UP I PROMISE but I personally headcanon that Double Shot + Zitao stayed together till the very end. They didn't get married cuz they hate formalities but they got matching tattoos and even when they're old and grey you can still them clear as day on their wrists. When they're asked how they met no one believes their answer lol. And when Double Shot died of old age before Zitao he would sing her favorite song by her grave every Saturday -Theatrical Gay Anon

OKAY SO I know I said I was done and I know I've already sent in like, 30 bajillion asks but I'm curious does Yifan or Luhan also work at the Irish pub?? Or do they work somewhere else in the mall? Inquiring minds want to know -Theatrical Gay Anon

When I tell you this made my entire month (when you sent it weeks ago, I’ve been hanging onto these because they seriously bring me SO much joy holy crap) I am not remotely kidding j;oaisjdflkasdjfa

I am absolutely going to put on these song recs while I work on the next chapter! 

a;osdfjlaksdfjasl the fact that you stayed up late to read this warms my heart so much. It reminds me of all the times I stayed up til the ass crack of dawn reading fanfics because I simply could NOT stop reading, so the fact that you enjoyed this like that makes me helllllaaaa emo 🥰

I just??? 2020 was indeed such a long year and affected my energy and creativity and honestly don’t really remember writing this hahaha. I kind of go into a fugue state with these longer fics and they just EMERGE. So to see you reflecting back some of what I wrote allows me to enjoy the process so much more. Makes writing and tumblr fun and I seriously wish everyone writing and creating could have someone as passionate and thoughtful and hilarious as you hyping them up 🌟 it honestly feels like a GIFT and I will absolutely keep writing this series and hoping to be worthy of it 😘

We will definitely get to see more of these two in the finale fic! I got into EXO after Tao, Yifan, and Luhan left so I’m not quite as familar with their personalities, but I could definitely see Yifan working at the US Bank haha. Business suit by day and partying/flirting by night. As for Luhan I feel like he’d work somewhere like the bookstore or the music store?? somewhere quieter and more contemplative. 

Thank you again for sending this and for being you <3 I hope 2021 is a wonderful year for you and that you know how AMAZING you are 💖💖💖💖💖

[nodesiretogrowup]

LET’S GET READY TO RE-CAAAAAAAAP

“I have numerous science-based questions” I mean, same. It also sets up that Huey is gonna be out of his element this episode

SCROOGE HAS NO TIME FOR SCIENCE

“I AM THAT CHAMPION.” A bit full of yourself there. I couldn’t hear this line without saying “I’M. THAT. HERO.” Oh VeggieTales, you’ll always be with me

THEY ALL LOOK SO ADORABLE!!

I like that Louie does a finger gun when Scrooge gets to him

Like I said earlier, I DO NOT care Scrooge already putting pressure on these kids

Poor Dewey seems like he’s the unfavorite, which is probably how Donald felt as well

Huey makes a good point and I do NOT like how dismissive Scrooge is of the twins

That being said...they totally killed someone in battle

SOMEDAY WE’LL FIND IT, THE RAINBOW CONNECTION!

Why didn’t Launchpad crash? I know he can land w/o crashing but it’s usually when he lands in water. THIS FEELS IMPORTANT SOMEHOW though it probably isn’t

“THEY FOUND A WAY TO MAKE RAINBOWS BETTER!” God, I love Webby

“This is the best day.” WEBBY, YOU ARE REACHING CRITICAL LEVELS OF ADORABLE

Birds with beards look odd

“Yeah, sure. Of course.” Poor Huey, magic and mythology aren’t his strong point

I love that it says Odin’s Closet over the shirts. It’s the little details

“Guess Louie knows what Louie’s doing today.” And then he disappears into the shirts. I can appreciate someone who knows what they’re about

I want ALL the shirts from this episode!

“WHOA, IT’S WRESTLING!” He looks so dang happy, it’s ADORABLE

“THIS IS AWESOME!” Chanting is fun

“So these guys just copied professional wrestling?” Huey, you’re form of logic is not welcome here

Does that mean Scrooge told someone about his battles and inspired them to create pro wrestling? I’m gonna go with that

“And they will love me for it!” Dewey, sweetie, that’s only how it works half the time

I loved all the man-snake stuff. Made me giggle

Man snake be THICC. HOT DAMN

I love the little pig ref. HE’S SO CUTE

Jormungandr knows how to pump up a crowd

So, like, is everyone in the audience technically DEAD?! That makes this episode slightly darker. I dig it

 I wonder if Jormungandr sees Earth’s destruction as a good thing for Earth. Like if he genuinely thinks they’d be better off in Valhalla. Or if he’s just a bastard who wants to watch the world burn

Scrooge is a bit too into playing the heel

The way Scrooge moves and the faces he makes as the Millionaire Miser remind me of Glomgold

“I watch a lot of wrestling while I fly.” “Wait, while?” This exchange always cracks me up

“Uncle Scrooge is the greatest hero of all time.” “Huh, I guess not everyone thinks so.” I feel like this is foreshadowing later events

RIP Announcer Puffin

“DIBS ON ANNOUNCING!” A dude just got KO’d bro! Have a bit of respect

And the return of the dynamic sports announcer duo. Glad Huey got his badge

I NEED MORE WRESTLING ANNOUNCER LP

Strongbeard is DOPE

“How did you know that?” “Just calling it like I see it. WRESTLING!” The real reason Launchpad knows is because he’s actually Thor but doesn’t remember. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

FEAR THE BEARD

“What matters is I’m doing the right thing.” I don’t know, you really seem to enjoy being a heel

This whole match is great

Dewey, there ARE NO RULES IN WRESTLING. Plus you aren’t the ref, so you can’t make that call

I have very inappropriate jokes go through my head when only one arm absorbs the beard energy

“I am so confused.” CONSTANT MOOD

DID SCROOGE NARUTO RUN AT STRONGBEARD?!

I like that Scrooge dives onto him the same way he dives into his bin

LP is so excited he pushes Huey out of the way for NO REASON

HOLY FUCK THAT DUDE THREW A CHAIR AT A CHILD!

All the bone cracking in this episode made me uncomfortable, as in my bones hurt during it

“He is such a good guy.” I’d say he’s a fair guy, not necessarily a good guy

“Which two of you will fight for me?” Webby has been waiting for this moment her WHOLE LIFE

Louie, always taking time to make that money

Who gave him a shirt cannon?!

I love that the dude comes up wearing the shirt

Dewey just slaps Scrooge in the face

Champ POPular! Too cute! I love his hair and outfit. Though I don’t think Champ POPular’s “too popular to hate.” If anything he might annoy people due to his popularity

I thought he was gonna pull out yo-yos as his “finishing touch” and I was sad when it was lollipops even though that makes more sense. BRING BACK THE YO-YOS!

“Do all the fighting and make sure he doesn’t die.” That is a valid concern

WE WILL WE WILL ROCK YOU! I’D KNOW IT ANYWHERE

Huey taking notes is adorable

“Just in time for the tag-team round.” “Wait, they’re playing tag now?! MAN!” I love how Danny says MAN

How does Huey not know what a tag-team is? It’s a pretty common term

I love Launchpad’s reading face

Dewey has red, blue, and green lollipops. Cute

“HE’S THROWING LOLLIPOPS BECAUSE HE THINKS WE’RE SUCKERS!” That took me off guard and I laughed so hard

“I’ve known you my whole life, I kinda knew how this would play out.” Louie is genre savvy. Perhaps too savvy. He’s gonna figure out he’s in a tv show

“More like Champ POP..ulation zero because he has no friends...in Friendtown.” I fail to see how that was any worse than LP’s “more like Champ UN-POPular.”

“WE HATE YOU NOW!” Tough crowd

Huey’s face after that. I just want to pinch his lil cheeks

WEBBY DON’T NEED NO WRESTLER NAME

It TOTALLY went over my head that they censored Hela with Hecka (at least they used her better than the MCU did. WE COULD HAVE HAD SO MUCH BETTER)

I would let her pin me to the mat and crush my skull in

“Oh, COME ON, THIS is what you like?! A creepy goth and her pet dog!” SHUT UP, DEWEY, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT! I’m surprised Webby didn’t slap him for the “creepy goth” comment seeing as Lena is goth and misunderstood

“HECKA YEAH! HECKA YEAH!” SHE’S SO COOL AND SEXY AND SHE HAS A DOG

Poor Huey, he’s doing his best. Hope he takes a shower later because he got pretty sweaty

HECKA COULD STEP ON ME AND I’D SAY THANK YOU

Why did Huey have all those corn puns?

“YOU’RE THE WORST! YOU’RE THE WORST!” It’s just not Huey’s day

“You don’t have to try to make it sound great, it already is.” Did this remind anyone else of Dewey’s “don’t overthink it” advice to Launchpad from Double-O Duck? He’s doing his best to help Huey

I WANT HECKA TO DESTROY ME

“EMBRACE THE BOOZE BOOS.”

Poor Dewey

WEBBY IS A BEAST! SHE WAS BORN FOR THIS!

“EMBRACE YOUR INNER HEEL!” Cuz being a heel is fun!

DUDE, WEBBY TOOK DOWN THE GODDESS OF DEATH WITH NOTHING BUT HER LEGS AND THIGHS! WE STAN!

I like that Fenny has knee pads on

“AW, YOU’RE SO DANGEROUS AND CUTE! I JUST WANT TO PET YOUR LITTLE BELLY!” WEBBY IS ME

“A classic ‘who’s a good boy?’ gambit!” AND I’D FALL FOR IT TOO! SUCH A GOOD BOI

“Wait, am I the Launchpad here?” Bitch, you WISH

“YOU CAN’T GIVE CANDY TO A DOG!” This is why you don’t have a pet, Dewey

“WHOA, back from THE DEAD for the QUEEN of the DEAD!”

Kind of a dick move, Louie

AIR GUITAR!

Jormungandr looks like a Masters of the Universe knock-off toy

WHO’S A GOOD BOI? YOU ARE!

“With a toxic personality” I think you’re projecting a bit, Jormungandr 

How does Huey not know what a battle royale is? That is a very common term! Hell, there is a well known book and movie with that title!

“I’m just a humble, noble snake man of the people.” Why does the term snake man make me laugh so much?  

WOY REFERENCE FTW

Dewey needs a hug! And some therapy would probably be a good idea

Scrooge’s speech started on a good note then went downhill FAST

“And lastly, I’ll use the dust of your bones as sweetener in my tea.” DAMN

“TOO FAR!” I DON’T THINK IT’S FAR ENOUGH! TELL HIM HOW YOU WILL BATHE IN HIS BLOOD

FUCK YEAH BEAKLEY!

SHE GAVE HIM THE CHAIR! I think this CONFIRMS Beakley as a wrestling fan

“I know we’re supposed to take over for Scrooge one day, but do you ever wonder if maybe we’re not cut out for it?” YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE TO WONDER THOSE THINGS AT ALL! 

Louie’s like WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS SHIT!

“Be LP” My new mantra

Aw, Louie sees Dewey as a hero. Like how LP saw Drake as a hero. I think @drakepad is onto something, this scene and the fight scene seem WAAAAY too much like Drake’s intro to be just a coincidence

I keep saying this, but Louie should consider a career in motivational speaking. He knows what people need to hear

“Let’s do this!” “I don’t know.” “Let’s Dewey this?” “I’m in.”

“I’LL SHED YOUR SKIN FOR YOU!” If he hadn’t of had an old man back moment that would have been a BRUTAL CUT

OMG WAS LAUNCHPAD WEARING THAT THE WHOLE TIME? You see his clothes fly off when he jumps in the ring

“Whoa. In a COMPLETELY UNEXPECTED TWIST, the announcer was Captain Crash THIS WHOLE TIME!” LP does underground wrestling matches in his spare time, TELL ME I’M WRONG

“YOUR CATCHPHRASES ARE FORCED!” I agree, Dewey could have done WAY BETTER

I like Louie just GLARING at the dude who insulted Dewey’s catchphrase

LP looks so proud of Huey

“I don’t care at all, why should I?” Methinks the snake man doth protest too much

I like how Jormungandr’s pupils are thinner during the climax. It shows off his true nature

Dewey should have been the one to do a spin attack, ya know, cuz he’s Sonic? I’ll go now

“The Pop never Stops.” That was better

WHERE ARE ALL THESE CHAIRS COMING FROM?!

I LEGIT thought Strongbeard was gonna throw Dewey his axe and I was like Dewey wouldn’t be able to lift that

SUPER SAIYAN DEWEY! Also was that a TIGER SNARL?

I like the ice pack on Launchpad’s head. Just because he can take a lot of damage doesn’t mean that LP is immune to pain

I like that the crowd CHANGED THEIR BANNERS! Nice

LOUIE AND WEBBY LOOKED SO CUTE!

LP tearing up

“A true people’s hero” I feel like that phrase will come back in relation to other characters (cough DW cough)

Scrooge is such a little shit, it’s kind of adorable

THAT END SHOT! THAT SONG!

This was a SUPER FUN EPISODE! I couldn’t really tell where they were going and I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF IT! I wish we had gotten Huey in some wrestling gear but maybe next time. I like the message that doing the right thing isn’t always popular but I kind of feel like Dewey getting the crowd on his side muddled the message somewhat. Poor Dewey needs therapy or something so he doesn’t feel like he needs CONSTANT approval. Again, he’s 11 YEARS OLD and shouldn’t be put into such a serious position. LP was VIP this episode. I’m bummed we’re on hiatus again, but WHAT an episode to end on!

[lovemesomesurveys]

[zombiebandido]

Can you recommend any Neil Gaiman to me, aside from Stardust or Good Omens? I’m not familiar with his work.

What's the best concert you've been to, if you've been? Jonas Brothers and Green Day.

What's the funniest screenname you've ever seen? I’ve been on the internet since I was like 9 years old, I’ve come across many.

Is there an animal you like that most people don't? I don’t think so. Most people don’t seem to dislike giraffes, which are my favorite animal. <<< Same. And doggos.

Is there an animal that you think is overrated in terms of how it's liked? No.

Is there a time period you think is underrated? I’d love to bring the 90′s back, that’s all. <<< I’m in.

What about music? Hmm.

Do you find yourself listening to music that's a bit more esoteric? No.

What are your three favorite books and why? I’m gonna give you my three current favorite artists instead: AJ Rivers, Willow Rose, and Mary Stone. They’re murder mystery and psychological thriller authors with tons of books and I’ve really enjoyed the many I’ve read from each of them.

What about authors? ^^^ Do you have any likes you wouldn't tell someone until you got to know them? Hmm. I think things would just come up over time, not because I’m waiting to tell them.

Do you have a favorite language? Spanish.

What about a place you've always wanted to visit? I’d love to be able to travel all over.

What's something someone does or says that just makes you laugh? Tell me a lame dad joke. I’m a sucker for those. <<< lol I am, too. I came across a compilation post recently on here that was pretty great.

Do goldfish crackers ever make you sick, or is that just me? I’ve never had that issue.

Do you have a favorite art style? No.

Do you have a favorite myth/fairy-tale? There’s several I find interesting and enjoy.

Who is your favorite person aside from family? Alexander Skarsgard. ;)

Do any of your pets (if you have them) have weird quirks? My doggo is very quirky. She’s such a goofball.

Do you listen to music from anywhere besides America? Some.

Have you ever "quit" a site and came back to it more than once? I don’t think so.

Do you have an "odd" fascination with anything? Hm. I don’t think I have any “odd” fascinations. 

What is the thing you want most at this moment? I’d really like to just feel decent today so I can enjoy a nice Easter with my family.

What was the last book you read and what was it about? I’m currently reading, “Cold Highway” by Mary Stone, which is the 4th book in a series.

What was the worst book you've ever read & why? I can’t believe I ever read the Fifty Shades of Gray books. *facepalm*

Do you have a favorite breed of dog or cat? Which? Labs and German Shepherds are awesome.

If you like any anime/manga, what are some titles you recommend? --

What do you think about school in general? I think it’s important to get an education. <<<

What's the hardest thing you've been through, & what did you learn from it? The accident that made me a paraplegic and everything that resulted from it ever since.

What are three "unrealistic" things you want most? Good health is the most unrealistic. 

What are some of your favorite foods? Ramen, garlic parm and lemon pepper boneless wings from Wingstop, and scrambled eggs and biscuits smothered in country gravy.

Where do you like to buy your clothes? Boxlunch and Hot Topic. 

Do you take any daily vitamins? No, but I definitely should be.

Who are three of your favorite fictional characters of all time? There’s so many to choose from, though.

If you had to give the world a pre-existing mythological/fictional being, what would it be? Superheroes, maybe? 

When buying Slurpees, if you do, do you get only one flavor or mix them? I always liked mixing Coke and cherry together.

Do you have a favorite 7Eleven food? I liked getting snacks and drinks from there, but I never ate their pizza or hot dogs or anything of that sort.

Do you have any desire to learn (a) foreign language(s)? Which? I’d just like to be fluent in Spanish.

If you could have any career, "realistic"-ness aside, what would it be? I still don’t know.

What are three memorable movies from your childhood? Mary Kate and Ashley movies, Disney movies, and The Rugrats Movie. Ha, I know I cheated by grouping some together, but whatever.

Do you, personally, put a space after ellipses, or not? No.

What do some of the things that inspire you have in common? I haven’t felt inspired in a long time.

Micky D's sweet tea, y/n/other? I used to like it when I was younger. I couldn’t even tell you the last time I had it, though. 

What are three of your best (non-physical) qualities? Blah.

What are three of your worst (again; non-physical) qualities? Blahhhh.

What is one of your firmest beliefs? My belief in God.

Do you ever question things until you're unsure of even the silliest thing? Sometimes.

Do you have anything that keeps you from doing something you'd truly enjoy? My health.

What are your three biggest pet peeves (personality-wise) in others? Arrogance, close-mindedness, and people who just jump on the bandwagon with certain things without doing their own research and forming their own opinions, not even really knowing what the issue is, they’re just following the crowd. 

Do you work to fix your faults? Or at least, admit to them? I’m quick to own up and admit to all my faults, but do I do I shit about them? ...

What are three of your best physical qualities? (NOT EYES!) Blehhh.

What are some of your greatest aspirations? I don’t have any. :/

How do you hope the world will change, if at all? I wish we could see less division and violence.

Who are three (fairly known) people you find very intriguing? Hmm.

What are three things that make you the happiest? God, my family, and trips to the beach.

What is/are your view(s) on god, religion, spirituality, or relations to? I’m a Christian.

Are you arachnophobic or scared of spiders in the least? YES.

Do you play WoW? What do you think of it either way? Nope.

What kind of computer do you have? Windows 7/Vista/XP/Other? I have a MacBook Air, which currently runs on macOS Sierra.

What are you good at? Nothing.

What career do you hope to have? I really don’t know. :/

Are you taking any interesting classes in school/do you not attend? I’m finished with school.

If you don't attend, are you taking any "lessons" for anything? Nope.

A book/piece that has had an exceptional impact on your life? The Bible.

If you know of pandora.com, what is your favorite station? Actually, I was listening to Pandora recently for the first time in years and came across this 90s, 2000s, and Today’s Hits station that I was really enjoying.

Have you ever "lost" a friend in any way? How did you deal? Yeah, I’ve lost a lot of friends. Some were harder to deal with than others.

Any music recommendations? Check out that Pandora station.

What are at least three of your biggest fears? Losing my loved ones, death, and never getting better/getting worse.

Most recently read book that you liked? I’m currently reading, “Cold Highway” by Mary Stone, which is the 4th book in a series. 

Do you have a piece of jewelry you don't like to take off? No. I haven’t worn jewelry in a long time.

Do you have a favorite quote? Why is it your favorite? I have many. Any odd pastimes you have? I don’t consider any of my pastimes odd.

Are you quirky in any way? (Name them please). My eating habits, for sure. I’m just really picky and particular.

Have any practices you aren't opposed to but wouldn't do yourself? Uhh.

Political standing?

Do you have any piercings/what do you think about piercings? I just have my earlobes pierced.

Do you have a favorite material? My soft, fuzzy throw blanket.

What are three names you'd name a pet if you HAD to get a pet right now? I don’t know. I’d have to see them and see what vibe I get.

Do you like to listen to dorky/amusing music? What would be considered dorky and amusing music?

Coffee vs. Tea vs. Energy Drinks: Order from favorite to least favorite. Coffee, energy drinks (only the Starbucks Doubleshot coffee energy drink), and tea.

Do you like more "fruity" sweets or "savory" sweets? Uhh, I like cupcakes, donuts, brownies, cookies, muffins, and cheesecake type of sweet.

What do you hate the most? My health, myself, and where I’m at in my life.

What genres of music are your favorite? I like variety.

Do you believe in true love? Yeah.

Do you believe in love at first sight? If yes, why? No.

What are some of your favorite clothing accessories? I just wear leggings and graphic tees.

If reincarnation exists, what sort of person would you want to be next? What are some things you believe strongly in? My faith.

Where's your favorite place you've been? Beaches and Disneyland.

What sort of books and movies do you like? Horror, psychological thriller, mystery, and YA for books, horror, psychological thrillers, drama, superhero films, some sci-fi and fantasy stuff like Star Wars, action, adventure, and romcoms for movies.

What's your favorite thing to do on a rainy Saturday? I don’t do anything different, but I do love when it rains.

Is there a book you've read that really touched you? Yeah.

Do you have a favorite artist? As in a painter? No.

PC or MAC? Mac.

What do you love doing? Spending time with my family, reading, scrolling through Tumblr, catching up on social media and trending topics, surveys, listening to ASMR, watching YouTube, watching my favorite shows, drinking coffee, sleeping...

If you could create the perfect world for yourself, what would it be? All my loved ones would be there, good health, money wouldn’t be a concern, happiness, I’d have a house on the beach, I’d be comfortable and relaxed and at peace... stuff like that.

Do you think that fate plays a part in people's lives? No.

Are you religious, spiritual, atheist...? I am a Christian. 

What are your opinions on the media? There’s the good and bad. It can be pretty brutal and problematic, for sure.

Do you think that people throw the words "love" and "hate" around too much? Yes.

What is your favorite piece of technology that you own? My laptop and phone.

What's a piece of technology you'd like to own? I have what I want at the moment. 

Are you afraid of technology developing to where we're too reliant on it? Oh, we’re waaaay past that point.

Does it bother you when people do things to fit in with a certain crowd? When they’re doing problematic things. 

Hot or cold? I’d much rather be cold. I like being wrapped up in a blanket, wearing hoodies/sweatshirts, and drinking hot coffee. Being hot is just miserable.  Do you think that Bzoink should extent the character amount for questions? I don’t use Bzoink.

Do you have a favorite combination of complimentary colors? A lot of colors look nice together.

Do you know why all the young people who have nice cars always look grumpy? I don’t think I’ve noticed that.

What's your favorite odd ice cream flavor? I don’t like any odd flavors. What’s with you and odd stuff?

Where do you like to get your ice cream? I’m not a big ice cream person, but the store is fine, ha. It was nice going somewhere like Cold Stone or something as well, though. I haven’t had ice cream in years, though.

What's your opinion on stereotypes/labels? Labels can be useful in some cases.

Do you ever use random word generators for Bzoinkoids?

Do you believe that history repeats itself? Absolutely. There’s proof of that.

Would you rather learn from your mistakes or just undo them? Ha, it’d be nice to be able to undo them.

What was the most interesting class you had in school? I always enjoyed English. And then of course I found a lot of my psych classes interesting. Do you write? If so, what? Nope.

Do you have a favorite website? Tumblr and YouTube.

Do you think that the quality of TV shows is going down? No, there’s so many good shows.

Do you have a favorite culture? Learning about different cultures is interesting. What was a story you heard as a child that really affected you? Hmm.

Who was your favorite grade-school teacher and why? Mr. McG, my 4th and then 8th grade teacher. He was everyone’s favorite. He made learning so much fun and really cared about his students.

Do you think that the world will end? How? Yes, how the Bible says it will.

Do you believe in Global Warming? Have you researched it? Yes.

Do you prefer piercings or tattoos? I only have my earlobes pierced and I have zero tattoos, soo I can’t say I’m big on either one.

Do you remember your dreams? Very, very rarely.

[shanie-the-toyaddict]

3. 5. 8 and Zowens moments. 9. 17. 20. What makes Zowens such a wonderful ship? Do you see a pattern here? 😂🤣

YIPPIE! *dances* OK! 3: Why I love my Best Friend: Well, see, she’s just so friendly! And she loves me (at least I think she does) and she’s supportive of me in my writing and artwork, even reading my stories! She’s super sweet and beautiful and loves Zowens even more than I do, which means that I will always have stuff about the pairing to learn about from her and DID I MENTION I GAVE HER HER NAME???? Her name is Zaynee and she is just so damn awesome and I love her dearly.

5. Piercings I have: I have my ears sort of pierced. I say sort of because I almost never wear earrings, but when I got them as a teenager, I left the starter earrings in long enough to mostly form the holes... but not quite.They got infected and I had to take them out, but the holes never fully re-closed. Now.  every time I want to wear earrings now I have to basically stab the holes back open again. It’s easy enough to do, but it hurts a bit, so I don’t do it often.

8. Top 5 favorite Zowens Moments: Oh geez, I’ve still got so much to learn about this ship, I can’t really pinpoint the specific moments too well, but I’ll try.

“This is Ours” - Hands down. It’s gonna take a lot to top that moment for me.

HIAC/Sami saving Kevin from Shane. If this moment hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t have had the wonder that was the YEP movement and I never would have discovered them.

Sami winning the NXT Title w/Kevin there & The Betrayal. I know the betrayal makes it sad but dammit, you can’t have a list of their moments without including the contention. They will never be all chocolates, fluff, and roses, it just ain’t them.

Kevin’s promo about how depressed he is because Sami isn’t around. The pain in his voice, the longing, the aching... it’s pure Zowens angst and I love it.

Kevin throwing the fake chicken out the window in the Ride Along. I know it’s a weird entry to add to the list, but that one exchange over fake chicken gave me SO MUCH INSIGHT into their dynamic that I have to add it. I never fully comprehended where they stood with each other until that Ride Along episode, and much of their characterization in that Earthquake fic was spawned by what I learned from watching it

9: Tattoos I want: Well, I’m not sure how appropriate it is now as a Christian, but I’ve always wanted the Eye of Horus on my hip. I’d never get it now though, not just because of my Christianity, but because I want to lose a ton of weight before I get any ink.

17: A fact about my life: Well, see, I’m adopted. And that’s not very remarkable in itself, but the thing is, at one point, I had a sister. I never met her though and while I used to know her name (I think it was somewhere in the region of “Christine Michelle Murphy”) I can’t find any information on her anywhere other than a passing mention on a genealogy listing for my mother (Lori Ann Hahn). I’m using full names here because I’m honestly intrigued to know if my sister is still alive out there somewhere or if she died before age 18 (which is why there’s no public records of her). My sister would be 36 years old right now (October 2020) and if you know either of these women, hit me up. I’d love to meet them.

20: What makes Zowens such a wonderful ship:

Ok, here’s the thing. I never would have appreciated Zowens if it wasn’t for my history as a Xenite. See, Xena had a concept in it - soulmate. But, it wasn’t a strict definition of “This is the one person you are meant to love for eternity”. It was closer to “In every lifetime, you will be together”. Yes, in the main show, Xena and Gabrielle were a loving, romantic couple. But there were other timelines shown where they weren’t, and yet in every one, they were connected. Frequently as lovers, sometimes as friends, occasionally as bitter enemies. In one, Gabrielle is basically Xena’s bodyguard. It didn’t matter how they were connected, the point was they were. THAT boys and girls, THAT is what has me so heavily invested in Sami/Kevin. Are they always together? No. Half the time they share space, they’re trying to wallop on each other. But the point stands that, in the end, no power of fate or the universe will be able to keep them from finding each other in whatever form they might do so. And whether they are standing beside or across from each other in that ring, their chemistry can’t be beat and God help the poor schmuck who tries to separate them from their Karmic Destiny.

Whew! That was an essay!

I love it!

[cheyj05]

WKM Reflections Part 1 (Final edit I promise)

(Hello, this is the first fanfic I’ve ever written. Please tell me if there’s anything wrong with it. It’s just Who Killed Markiplier but with my DA, Eve.  Please enjoy!) ( Edit : I fixed a few parts now that I have a better idea of Eve’s personality) (Edit: last time I promise) @superyummysandwich

 Eve was late.

 They weren’t normally the type to be late. Not to a party, especially not to one thrown by one of their best friends.

 They anxiously fidgeted with the invitation they had received in the mail, some irrational dread whirling in their stomach.

��              “It’s fine,” they thought “it’s just a poker night, nothing bad is going to happen! This is a completely irrational feeling.” They repeated that to themself to calm themself down. It wasn’t working. They considered turning back. But they couldn’t, not when this was the first time Mark had been heard from in nearly 2 years. So they marched forwards anyway, they couldn’t just ignore their friend like that after all.

   Eve snapped out of their thoughts when they realized they had arrived.

 The House was grand and old and absolutely set them on edge. They weren’t intimidated by the size of the house, they weren’t intimidated by anything really, something about it just felt...off like white noise, there wasn’t anything obviously wrong but it still made them sick to their stomach. It was the reason Eve had arrived so late. They had gotten ready to leave but the thought of going into that house filled them with so much dread that they reorganized everything in their new office (having recently become the DA and all, not to brag) and by the time they checked the clock ( okay, asked their secretary, they have one of those now, the time) again they were late.

   They ventured forward , reassuring themself that they could always leave the party early if something bad happened. Eve checked their watch, just as they suspected it was… whatever time it was, they had never figured out how to read a clock. They briefly took in the manor, assuring themself this would be fine. They then noticed a man walking up to the doorway and let out a brief sigh of relief that they weren’t the only late one.

     This man wore a military uniform and had a fantastic mustache. As they walked toward the doorway, they wondered if they should talk to him or just walk past him without a word. The man was standing outside the door, looking as if he was considering whether he should go in or not. The man  looked over the building, shaking his head. He then noticed Eve’s presence noticed them right behind him and said 

        “Oh, bully! And here I thought I was gonna be the last guest to arrive.” He smiled at them. Eve wasn’t sure whether they should smile back. “Um.. hello.”. They cringed at their own awkwardness. A  voice in their head that sounded a lot like their mother scolded them for giving such a lackluster greeting.

        “My friends call me The Colonel.” He said then gave a bow “You’re welcome to do the same, should it please you.”. 

Eve gave a strained smile. “It’s a pleasure to meet you then, Colonel.” they said, trying to sound happy, Not that they weren’t thrilled to meet him, far from it actually! He was one of Damien’s closest friends and Eve has heard wonderful things about him! It was just... Nothing it’s not important.

         ‘But uh-” The Colonel gestured to the door “-after you.”

 Eve nodded in acknowledgement of his politeness and stepped inside. They were immediately greeted by The Butler- Benjamin, they think his name is Benjamin.

         “Ah, bonjour! Welcome to Markiplier Manor. Your invitation, please.” Eve handed him their invitation, hoping he didn’t notice how crinkled it was. 

         “Very good, very good. Right this way.” he said leading them into.. whatever this part of the house was. “Good luck at the table tonight. I shall fetch you a drink forthwith,” he said. Eve thanked him and then the servant left, presumably to get Eve a drink.

     They were confused on what to do for a split second, until they saw their friend, The Mayor, Damien speaking to a man who looked to be a detective of some sort. The man left the moment he saw Damien turning to his old friend.

     “Oh! There you are, old friend.” Damien visibly brightened at seeing them again, which made Eve feel itty bitty butterflies in their stomach. “How are you settling into your new office?” he asked

     “Good.” the new District Attorney said, understatement of the fucking century. They were the DA for only a short time now but they could never get tired of hearing their new title. To them it was reward for all the hard work and struggle they’ve been through.

    “Now I know it’ll take some getting used to, but there’s no one I would rather have alongside me to protect this great city of ours.”. Eve felt their ears go pink against their will upon hearing that, even though he’s said stuff like that many times before.

    “Now, I’ll see you at the table soon, but try not to rob me blind again.”.

     “No promises.” they smirked, their poker face was undefeated. They’d had a lot of practice hiding their emotions

      “We’ll catch up,” Damien said walking past them, Eve awkwardly waved in a stupid, lovestruck way and then immediately scolded themself. No matter how they felt Damien could never reciprocate, for a variety of reasons. Knowing this didn’t make the feelings go away, if anything it gave them sort of a dull ache.

    They turned a corner, just wandering with no clue where anything was in this house, and seemed to enter the dining room. In which there was a man with a soup ladle picking up a tray-he was The Chef, probably.

    He noticed them approach “If you’re looking for hors d’oeuvres, I’ll get ‘em when I’m good and ready!” he growled, despite Eve not saying anything. 

    “And stay out of my kitchen!” he added, shoving his ladle in their face threateningly.

    “Okay then!” they responded with trying to keep their irritation out of their voice.

 “Now, now.” Eve turned around and saw The Butler, holding a tray of drinks. “Let’s not be rude to our guest.” he glared at The Chef.

     The Butler looked at the DA, “So sorry about that.” he handed them a drink “Here’s your champagne.” Eve smiled, they hadn't gotten properly drunk since their college days.

    “Enjoy your evening.”.

      “Thank you very much.” The butler then left, presumably to deliver drinks to the other guests.

    Eve momentarily wondered where Mark was, he was the host of this party after all, but they did not have to wonder for long as Mark, their friend, The Actor appeared on the stairwell in front of them.

   “Welcome, welcome, one and all!” he said, like the dramatic bitch he was “My name is Markiplier. Thank you for joining me on this auspicious evening. So good to be surrounded by such close and trusted,” he seemed to look directly at the DA at that, which gave them a bad feeling “friends.”

    “Now, this evening, it’s not all about the poker. It’s not all about me. It’s about you.”

   “So drink up and be merry! Life is for the living! And who knows? I could be dead tomorrow.” he then laughed, despite the fact what he was saying wasn’t actually very funny.

   Eve couldn’t help but feel that something was off, it wasn’t the same feeling of dread they had outside the door but something still felt wrong. They repressed that feeling, they were going to enjoy this party regardless of any stupid suspicions. And drank their champagne, while Mark's laughter faded in the background.

  The next thing the DA knew it was 8:30 in the morning, they had a pounding headache, their jaw hurt, and they were in what was presumably a guest room. Their headache was not helped by the alarm blaring in their ears. They quickly  shut it off. Eve yawned and tried to remember what happened last night. They were all playing beer pong, someone was playing russian roulette (who brings a gun to a party?), Eve got punched in the face ( a common occurrence at parties), Eve blacked out (another common occurrence), and Damien helped them into this room (because Damien is awesome.).

   They got out of bed and lamely attempted to smoothen their hair and suit out. After a while they abandoned that fruitless endeavor, they didn’t look all that good in the first place. Their hair was long and drooped over their face and their suit jacket was way too big for them. Eve had attempted to look androgynes but instead came off as a child wearing their parents’ clothes. Had they known what was going to happen, they would have crawled back into back until the sun went away. But they didn’t know what was going to happen, so they left their room

 End of Part 1

Part 2 

[into-control]

submission:

How Camila and Shawn Mendes’ PR started and when it will end.

I. Before SM3; II. When SM3 was released; III SM3 + Senorita IICHY

I. Before Shawn Mendes started to promote SM3

We all know that the one’s behind their PR is Shawn’s team, so I gather some things so we can guess when they’ll break up.

There were only a few women that were linked to Shawn Mendes before 2017. If you search his romantic life on Google, you’ll see a bunch of crazy articles linking him to Chloe Moretz, Taylor Swift and Camila Cabello.  

He already had released two albums about love. While promoting SM3 he confessed that his first albums weren’t that personal and because of that he wanted to release one that would be so confidential that everyone would be able to know about who he is singing.

  While they were producing/ thinking about the concept about of SM3, they thought about Shawn doing some stunt with a girl, so at least one of his songs could be linked to another woman besides Camila (I don’t know if they, at some point, thought about put the two of them together rather than just let them do some stunt as friends and support each other on SM so both of their fandoms could be a little happy about it. My opinion: neither of them wanted to do a PR together, they were always denning rumors and saying that they were like brothers)

For some reason the person they chose to do stunt with Shawn was Hailey and it was so fucking terrible that no one remembered her when he released SM3. And she ended up marrying Justin which made he look like a joke. Although both of them kept saying that they were just friends. After SM3, Shawn confessed that they had some kinda weird relationship where they couldn’t even label.

Long story short: at age 17, Shawn Mendes had one relationship that he didn’t acknowledge as one (Lauren Arendse) and was seen in public with one woman: Hailey.

  II. After SM3 was released.

When Shawn started promoting his new single and album, he gave some interesting interviews that I want to point out:  

May 23 – Shawn Mendes opens up about dating | How to be a Man | British GQ

1. After being asked about his date life, although he had written a lot of love songs, Shawn admits that he never had been in love – his songs about love were result of his great imagination. In this interview also gave us this “I’ve been close to it but I don’t think I truly felt love and I never felt heartbreak so for me I’m just waiting for a heart break so I can write a really awesome album”  

March 23 – Shawn Mendes Talks Lost in Japan, In My Blood & Camila Cabello/ Shawn Mendes Reveals The First Thing He Notices About A Woman

I’ll only mention this one because I saw one interview where you can see that Shawn has to mention Camila in his interview just for the buzz. Zach wanted to know to who Shawn had showed In My Blood and the first person that came into his mind was John Mayer then he mentioned Camila.

When Lulu & Lala asked him the same question, before he could even answer, Lulu & Lala were already telling him that the reason he was being asked about it was because of Camila. What was his answer? Camila! He didn’t even mentioned John Mayer. Poor John. (This works for both of them, they always have to mention each other in interviews)  

So that’s what Shawn was talking about when he was promoting his singles and album: never being in love, anxiety, how personal his album was going to be, what kinda music he wanted to give to his fans and John Mayer and John and Mayer (he really loves this guy).

III. When Shawn’s team started to think about his charts, sales, gay rumors and his first PR.

Some events that I think lead Shawn to his first PR and other interesting stuff that it should be pointed out.

After he released his album, neither of his hits get into the Top 10. In My Blood: peaked at #11. Lost In Japan: peaked at #48. Youth: peaked at #65.

I listened to his self-titled album so I could get an idea about what they were trying to do with his image/music. I’m not gonna lie, when it comes to vocals, some of his songs are very impressed. I didn’t listen to his other albums I only know the ones who made everyone think about picking a gun and shot in their heads because it was so fucking bad. In his new album, in terms of vocals, he really tried to stay out of his comfort zone. Lyrics? So fucking bad and generic. He said that none of his songs were linked and you can see why he said that since they’re nothing but impersonal. Personal album? Well, he lied. The only song you can link to someone is Why; and it was intentional. After all, he has to be linked to a woman even if they keep telling that they’re like brothers. Remember Hailey? I don’t know if he tried to make people think that one of his songs were about her, if he did, well, that didn’t work out. Besides Why, Because I Had You and When You’re Ready are being linked to Camila. If you read the lyrics, you’re gonna laugh because it doesn’t make any sense. SM3 is another album about a romantic guy who’s always trying to get the girl or that is not ready to get the girl. SM4? Probably an album with sexual content, more drink references, less lonely boy in love.  

For the moment we have: 13 generic songs – one of them being wrote especially to Camila as a response to After All These Years; His singles not getting into the Top 10. (his sales for the tour were also not going well but I don’t want to search for this so fuck it) November came and with that Shawn’s article on Billboard.

“In the back of my heart, I feel like I need to go be seen with someone -- like a girl -- in public, to prove to people that I’m not gay,” he explained. “Even though in my heart I know that it’s not a bad thing. There’s still a piece of me that thinks that. And I hate that side of me.” [Gay panic] 4 December Shawn Mendes Talks Stadium Show and BTS Collab Update

In this interview he talks about words that he hates so much that he’ll never put in his songs: “I’ll probably never say “Moonlight” I’ll never say dancing in the moonlight” (of course he didn’t write their PR Song)  I’m lazy and I don’t want to look up to dates to know exactly when gave interview to Billboard and to Kiss 92.5, but my opinion on this: Shawn Mendes didn’t tried for 8-10 month to make Camila get on board so they could record Senorita. It was Camila’s song. The whole thing “Shawn tried convince me for months and I was like should I?” it just to fit their narrative. He was in love, he wanted her and thought perhaps if she and I record another song together we can spend time and she’ll fall in love with me the same way I did when we recorded INWYDLS. He didn’t have a song; he only had the I think you should be my beard; I’m fucking everything up.

Why I think that? Well, I don’t think Camila’s team is that dumb. Until march, they were publishing articles about how much in love Camila was. She was traveling with him, leaking songs about him (First Man) and all these boring straight stuffs. When Shawn started to persuading Camila to be his beard? My best guess: december-april. When she said yes, they come up with the idea of a song and it worked. Camila already had a gay song that she wouldn’t be able to release, she could give it to someone else. Hell, since Shawn wanted her to be his beard and they needed to sale their relationship and love story, they needed to make it more real. How Camila would fall in love with Shawn when he was touring and she was working on her new album and traveling with dickhead? No one would believe it. Everyone needed to see how did happen. Shawn needed a beard, Camila didn’t like her beard, she had a gay song, well that could work out.  Their PR didn’t happen because of the song it was the other way around. They needed to spend some time together so Camila would realize that she always loved him even though she thought him as her brother. That’s why I think that it didn’t took 10 months to convince Camila to be his beard. It was more like four months (december-april).

 III-A. When Camila accept to be his beard

May 3 Shawn releases another generical song. But this one is not like the other ones (Besides being the beginning of their PR) this one had only one purpose: start the buzz and make everyone ask to who is this song to? Is he talking about Camila? (I mean, if he isn’t talking about Camila then who else would be? He’s always around men)

If I Can’t Have You peaked at #2. His first song, since his last album, who got into Top10! Jun 21 Senorita and later on Shawn got his first #1.   I was going to mention every stunt they did between Jul-Dec, but I don’t want to see all of that shit again. But you can look it up and you’ll see: Shawn was on tour? Stunt. Shawn was in U.S? Take Camila to wherever he is. Camila is going to releases her songs September 6? Hell no, she’ll be in Toronto performing with Shawn Mendes. Is he across the world where no one remember he exists? Make her walk around the streets facetiming him and wearing wannabe Camren bracelets. She released an album? Well, Shawn’s on tour so bring him up in every single interview. Let them ask her about him. Is she getting hate on internet because of him? Who cares?! Well, now he’s Mexico and we don’t care if Camila wants to be a little MIA, she needs to be there. Make her fly to Mexico so we could at least take some photos of them together. His tour ended? Well, now he needs to rest his image a little bit. We’ll let their stunt be a little low key, they only need to be seen together on important events so people won’t forget that he is straight and is dating a woman. III-B

Until march, Camila was on cloud 9 dating Ew. She was happy. Giving us some lyric, teasing us with her second album. She tweed about Living Proof, Dream of You, Easy and in April she was at studio recording with Finneas.   When Camila accept to be Shawn’s beard? April. She was already working on her album. It can’t be before this because Camila and Matthew were so fucking in love. Then Shawn released his boring song and a few weeks later Camila warned, may 24: it’s the calm before the storm. Love you guys. And she did that again June 18: *looks put together* *going thru internal shit storm*

Camila told in one of her interviews that Shawn came up with the song and she wasn’t sure about it. In October 21 Charli XCX said: “We were on tour with Taylor together at the time so we were talking about it a little bit," she continued. "She wanted to do it with Shawn and they were talking about it, like it was just everyone having a long conversation about it. Obviously, both of them write as well so they kind of wanted to write on the song and make it more their own."” Shawn wanted them to do a PR, Camila wasn’t sure about it, in some way he convinced her that would help them both out. Camila surely didn’t want to release an album that would be linked to that dickhead. Well, she would be able to release more personal songs about her private relationship and would be with a friend that she enjoyed to spend her time with.  I don’t think that her mistake was accept be his beard, I think she needed to think about how it would be under a contract that wasn’t being manage by her team. Release gay songs and stay away from thar moron came with a price. Camila didn’t need to be in a very public relationship. She was okay. Her first album went so fucking well. She didn’t need to. Shawn was the one who needed to make everyone believe he is straight. He needs to do this if he wants to make a different album not only in vocals, but one being exactly what he wanted: a break up album, personal. That’s why they were very public. If you think more about it, Camila is his first girlfriend.

When I think their relationship will end? April-May. Unless Camila wants to extend their contract, perhaps she could be in more control of how they would do their stunt. But I don’t think she wants to, she already released the album, everyone knows that is about “Shawn”, he being linked to her songs didn’t not go well. And Shawn wants to release SM4 this year since he has been worked on it since last year.

[imagine-loki]

The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Title : The Slutty Webs one Weaves

Chapter NO. 5 of 10?

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki’s Asgardian wife learns women write fanfiction about him on a trip to Midgard. She’s edgy for the duration and lets him have it when they get back.

Author: lokilover9

Rating: M

Thor agreed Brianna going to Asgard a good idea as Loki presumed and shielded her from Heimdall's sight as a precautionary measure. Before leaving, the brother's sat observing Little Warrior lead Tony and Pepper to the couch and hand him a usb stick.

"What's this?" He asked.

"A computer virus. My revenge plan was to disembowel Jarvis if you hadn't kept your promise."

Stark eyed Loki who shrugged a shoulder. "Don't look at me. I only learned of it this morning."

"It's my creation, pretty nasty and should be destroyed." Said Brianna.

"How nasty?"

"It bears the potential to wipe out most of New York's power grids."

Tony was momentarily speechless. "I'll do that and am overjoyed you two became friends."

"Me too and sorry for being so rude when you touched my stuff."

"It's alright." Said Pepper.

"No it wasn't. You deserve to know why. Loki mentioned the homeless people right?"

"Yes."

"Dory was the first one I met. Taught me handy street smarts and helped shop for my boy clothes. Ran away from home because her moms boyfriend was a jerk. I encouraged her to call one day and when she learned they split up, convinced her to go home. Really smart person. Dreams of becoming an Astronaut. Anyway, she had a big crush on Captain America and gave me her favorite hat as a gift. Then I met Muriel. A mean looking older lady who was actually super sweet and protected me something fierce. Beat this guy up one night for trying to steal my blanket while cursing him sideways. She loved Chinese food and taught me self defence techniques, like how to poke a hole in someone's brain by shoving a chopstick up their nose."

Everyone's ears and attention piqued as Tony wondered if Muriel was a distant cousin of Sasquatch's. "Hopefully not on live subjects."

"No, silly. On a plastic skull she molded a face onto with clay. I paid for the supplies. Helping police identify people used to be her job in Arizona. Great way to kill zombies though. Best to behead them like with vampires and guarantee they've bit the bullet." Brianna then pulled a gold bracelet with a four leaf clover charm from her pocket. "Muriel was Irish and gave me this for good luck. It's too big so I carry it in my pocket. Before meeting you guys, they were the first people who were super nice to me. I fretted their gifts ruined in the wash."

"I'm sorry." Said Pepper.

"It's okay. I was just a little freaked."

'And nearly built a cave for the abominable snowman.' Thought Stark. "We were more worried about you after the fact."

"I could tell by your happy dance when I woke."

"Hey, badass did one too. In the hall. You didn't see."

Brianna giggled. "Thanks to you both for everything and I'm sorry for lying."

"Meh, we understand."

"I meant about not having a favorite Avenger. It's you uncle Cootyoodles. That's why I sought your help first. The Black Widow was my next stop."

Tony pictured Nat teaching her how to yank teeth out with pliers and felt twice as relieved for keeping that promise. "Nat's eccentric and hates zombies. I'm way more fun." Brianna suddenly hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. "Awe, Little Warrior. Friends forever?"

"Damn straight!" Then she did the same to Pepper. "I forgot to explain why you're a badass role model. Working so hard to become CEO of a massive company like Stark Industries and executing all that embodies? You rock! I hope to grow up as astute, diligent and athoritative. Maybe I'll run a company one day."

"You already possess those traits and will exceed my achievements."

No one knew that better than Loki who cleared his throat. "Grandmother and Grandfather go to bed early, Min Lille."

"One more minute, please?"

"Alright."

She studied Stark, pondering the best way to implement her request. "You don't have to do this, but… Not all homeless people are bad or crazy like others seem to believe. Many hit hard times and the world is so expensive, they couldn't keep up. No one I met lived on the streets because they wanted to. There just aren't enough shelters or resources available. You're rich Tony and could help them. Will you try?"

As Loki had succeeded with Frigga, those beautiful pleading eyes won her case. "You really know how to pull a guys heart strings, kid. I promise."

Loki wasn't aware she'd intended to ask this, yet was so proud of her. "Min Lille?"

"I know." She politely replied.

"You have to go." Tony suddenly stood and darted for the hall. "Be back in a jiffy."

"Meet him by the elevator, or you'll never leave." Suggested Pepper.

He returned and handed Loki a loaded Iron Man backpack. "More things? Shall I conjure a crate for the bifrost?"

They'd already given her an overstuffed suitcase of clothes and toys and Stark held a gift bag in hand. "Be quiet, you. It's a peanut butter stash. Does Asgard have bananas?"

"Yes." 'Thank the Norn's.'

Tony knelt before Brianna. "I would've packed some tater tots, but you ate them all again."

She smirked. "My goof."

"Rascal. Try to ignore a wee, bitty smidgen, you aren't into girly stuff? We couldn't help ourselves with you off to Asgard."

Brianna pulled from the bag a pink baseball cap that said Warrior Princess in tiny diamond gems and proudly adorned it. "You sure know how to pull a girls heart strings."

"I put some Motown CD's in there too. Teach Dad to moonwalk." Loki sighed, pushed the elevator button and Tony playfully whispered. "From a distance. In case he trips over his own big feet." He hugged her again and summoned Jarvis.

"Yes, sir?"

"Our friend is leaving."

"Goodbye, Little Warrior." Said the AI.

"Bye. Sending you a virtual hug."

She joined Thor inside while Loki shook hands with Tony, his expression saying everything. "Any time. Now get the 'bleep' out of my Tower before I thieve your Daughter."

Brianna shouted as it closed. "There's presents on your bed! I'll miss you!"

Peppers was a black t shirt with gold letters that read Badass Role Model and Tony's was a monsterous box filled with tater tots.

"Don't do it, Butch. If you cry, I'm gonna cry." ***** Loki had purposely slowed the elevator allowing her time to give Thor a drawing.

"Mjolnir in a field of flowers? Thank you fair maiden."

"It's a scratch n' sniff."

"A what?"

Loki picked up Brianna. "You scratch the flowers, then sniff them. The effect is most appealing the stronger you inhale."

Thor took a whiff and wriggled his nose. "Quite the nostril tickler. What should they smell like?"

"Try harder." 'Doofus.'

He took another, looked cross eyed at Loki and began swaying. "...Brother..you…" Then down he went striking the floor with a thud the tip of his nose covered in sparkly dust.

"Sorry, uncle Thor."

Loki chuckled at her wince. "The spell is mild and shall soon wear off."

"Is he hurt?"

Loki let her down to hurle the hefty Thor over his shoulder. "Us God's are resilient. Your uncle once endured a skirmish with the Hulk." After escorting them through a portal and delivering Brother oaf to his bed, he lead Brianna through a second into some woods.

"That was awesome! Will you teach me how to do it?"

"Not in the near future. It's very complicated, darling and I'd hate to think you lost in another dimension." 'Or vanishing one day as an angry teen with a troublesome suitor I dream of throttling.'

"Okay." Brianna nervously scanned the area. "Now what? Carnivores hunt these woods."

"Northern Alberta is home to many. Never go outside without me and none will harm you."

"But wolves hunt in packs and grizzlies are bigger than you."

He booped her little nose. "I'll smell them before they smell us and neither possess deadly weapons in interdimensional pockets."

"Where our luggage is? I tried hiding bigger items in them and the darn things wouldn't come back. Hannah was furious, but I didn't care."

"What did you hide?"

"The back wheels of her Lamborghini, Gallardo. I overheard my Mother tell Claudia she got it from her rich boyfriend."

Loki recalled from spending time with Stark this wasn't a billionaire's vehicle, yet financially unattainable to the average Midgardian. "I see. Did she mention his occupation?"

"Plastic surgeon."

Brianna deserved that minor victory and although he wouldn't encourage it, one cannot preach vengeance a negative path when mapping their own. 'Perhaps he'll be useful to the sluts after I'm done.' "Ah. Care to see what I did while you slept last night?"

"You left me?" She confusedly asked.

He picked her up again. "It was necessary and I returned, yes? I won't abandon you, Og Min Lille."

"Never?"

"Never, darling. "Loki headed for a shack nearby nestled amidst some bushes. With its crooked roof, faded wood and door minus a hinge the structure looked ready to collapse.

"We're staying there?"

"Why not? I'll conjure an outdoor toilet." He teased. "Sheltered of course."

"Ewww."

"Come now. At night we'll have heated beds and during the day, roast squirrels on an open fire."

She scrunched her face in disgust. "Blech! I'd rather eat tree bark."

"You'll get an awful tummy ache."

They entered the dingy space and Brianna instantly focused on the filthy floor covered in forest debris. So intently, she didn't notice the sturdier frames of the structure only visible from within. "How will we keep the door closed and is that poop?"

Loki rolled his eyes at some turds in a corner. "The cabin is made of Brazilian Ebony."

"One of the strongest woods on earth." She commented.

He arched an intrugued brow. "Stained to appear aged, it's also bulletproof in light of human hunters. Consider the other materials deceiving movie props. The 'raccoon' poop is genuine." It vanished with a wave of his hand. "Now, did you mean that door?" It closed and he conjured a deadbolt onto the surface with a panel directly above. "Place your hand in the center?" Brianna did and it glowed green, spreading magic from the center throughout every surface like glowing, emerald fireflies. As they dimmed, Loki turned around. "Or this one?" The floor, suddenly cleared of debris had a sliding glass door in the center.

Brianna gasped in wonder, glancing between him and the mystery beneath. "Where does it go?"

"Did you think a sorcerer Prince would allow his Princess daughter to dwell in a shabby old shack?"

"Ancestry aside, I sincerely hoped not. Even an RV would've been better."

He chuckled at her frankness. "And you worried of uncle Thor bumping his head? The shacks purpose was added safety should a need arise and to keep our secret entrance hidden. "Once the outer door locks, only the interior alters. To outsiders, nothing changes." It opened and he carried her down a mutedly lit spiral staircase, each step progressively illuminating the space below.

At the bottom, she slid from his arm in awe. "Shut the front door! You 'definitely' have to teach me how to do this."

Min Lille was referencing conjuring. Another ability Loki thanked the Norns she didn't yet possess, having confessed so before requesting Tony and Pepper's gifts. "In time. Beyond that archway, another surprise awaits." Loki followed and suddenly pondered Brianna conjuring a future dwelling for herself and that troublesome suitor. 'Lessons commence when your forty.' ***** Thor woke to find two notes in his shirt pocket. One for himself the other, Astrid; 'Sleep well, Brother? We won't be returning to Asgard just yet. Please give this to my wife? I recommend waiting several days, discreet delivery and a hasty exit. A visit will follow and when interrogated, lie. Tell her Brianna came to you and don't mention her ice concoction. Unless you enjoy Father's company when several fries short of a happy meal. As I planned our escape without Tony's knowledge, do avoid his unnecessary panic and Pepper seeking our demise, by not telling our dear friend? Min Lille is safe.'

"That shyster." He grumbled. Jane returned in six days as would Astrid to a missing Loki. Waiting risked a molotov cocktail interrogation. His beloved and coronary inducing sister-in-law, banging down their locked bathroom door while the mighty Thor coward behind a shower curtain. Plus Maxi Waxis training schedule ended in two days. Bribery assured those lips zippered, but Heimdall would think his hastiness suspicious. He called to the trainee in the middle of the night, snuck into the palace and raced back to the observatory like the looney tunes road runner. "Spend it well nincompoo..eh he, Max. Asgard is lucky to have you."

Guilt ridden over her outburst and already missing Loki, Astrid returned in the morning to find the note.

Frigga was preparing to join her belly dancing instructor when she barged into the foyer and flung herself at the Allmother.

"Bwaaahahaa! I want a divorce!"

"Hells bells and bilgesnipe testicles. What has my shameless son done this time?"

"Frigga, your language." Scolded Odin.

She patted Astrid's back. "Oh shush. As if your cursing hasn't scarred the servants ears."

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Hiccup + Astrid Relationship - Analysis + Thoughts

It’s no secret that I am a hardcore Hiccstrid shipper - my username is literally Hiccstrid-related in the most obvious way. I’ve been thinking a lot about their relationship, and how it developed over the course of the movies and television show, and I wanted to write all my thoughts/analysis in one place.

This ended up WAY longer than I thought it would, but I’m aware that people don’t want their dashboards clogged with it, so it’s under a “read more”.

Spoilers for all three HTTYD movies, Riders of Berk, Defenders of Berk and Race to the Edge under the cut!

I think what I love the most about Hiccup and Astrid’s relationship is how it progressed so healthily and naturally.

Let’s go back to the very beginning of the first movie; Hiccup is seen as an outcast in the village, a social pariah, the Chief’s “little disappointment”. Astrid is the ideal Viking - she’s strong, beautiful, handy with an axe and brave. We see that Hiccup basically has a very big crush on her, is in awe of her and who she is - or, at least, who he thinks she is. It’s very much akin to a fanboy crush. On Astrid’s side, it’s almost-indifference - she doesn’t pay him much attention or associate herself with him, perhaps because her family name is already mocked due to her uncle “freezing” in front of the Flightmare, and associating with Hiccup (the village disappointment) would definitely have made her life more difficult. Having said that, she doesn’t bully him like the other teenagers do, nor does she stop them from doing it to him - she tries to keep neutral for the most part.

Fast forward to dragon training. Suddenly Hiccup is showing surprising skill in the arena - and Astrid is mad because she was supposed to be top of the class, because earning the right to kill the Monstrous Nightmare would prove that she’s Viking enough, it would bring pride to her family. Suddenly Hiccup is taking over, and it frustrates her because NEVER has he shown any kind of skill with dragons before - it feels like everything she’s been working for since she was old enough to hold an axe is being swept away because of him. It’s infuriating, even more so because he acts weird about it and sneaks off every day, like he has a secret.

America Ferrera: In the first film, she was thinking: ‘Who is this guy? Why should he get to be the Chief of Berk when I’ve worked hard my whole life?’

And then there’s the Romantic Flight - and this changes something. Suddenly she starts to see a whole new perspective on things, on dragons - and, importantly, on Hiccup. He’s the one who shows her all of this new stuff from the back of a dragon he trained, and that’s when she starts to have some admiration for him in turn. From that point onwards, having been shown a new perspective on everything, she relaxes and is more friendly to him.

Over the course of the three TV shows, we get to see them actually get to know each other - they’re friends (despite the few kisses as teens). We see that Astrid respects Hiccup as a leader, and that in turn he trusts her to be in charge when he’s not around. They definitely care about each other and worry over each other more than the other teens when in danger.

And here’s where the relationship really becomes beautiful - them actually really getting to know each other.

Astrid no longer sees Hiccup as a nuisance or a runt or even weaker than herself - she grows and has respect for him. She loosens up a little, starts allowing herself to have fun. More importantly, Hiccup stops seeing Astrid as a prize to be won or a goddess/angel. That fanboy crush fades into actual feelings for who she actually is. It’s no longer “Astrid is every Viking boy’s dream girl” but “Astrid is brave, loyal, I can trust her, she has a good heart” etc. He sees her bond with Stormfly, that she’s willing to risk her life for what is right, for these creatures that need their help. But she’s also not going to blindly follow him - they can banter and fondly tease each other without worrying they’ll offend the other, because they have a friendship forming.

Hiccup never stops wanting to be with Astrid - now it’s just more “I actually love her for who she is” and less “she’s awesome and the best Viking” kind of thing. It’s not just “she’s pretty and every guy’s dream girl”, it’s the fact he actually knows her and likes her for who she actually is as opposed to some projection his mind has of her. He sees her as an actual human being - and he loves her for who she is.

Their relationship only grows stronger through the years, probably because they already have their friendship as a foundation for their romance. They know each other’s limits, they know what makes the other uncomfortable, and they respect each other’s boundaries. Any issues that they have in their relationship are solved near the beginning of their romance; they make it clear that they don’t want their romance affecting their work as Dragon Riders, or how they interact with everyone else. When they run into a bump with Astrid feeling like Hiccup doesn’t care, like she’s invisible, they end up talking it out like adults. She apologizes for overreacting, and he apologizes for taking her for granted - because they both recognize that there’s no one person to blame, it takes two to make the relationship work.

By the second movie, it’s clear that they’ve gone past both the honeymoon and the rocky stage; Hiccup lets her help him with the map, Astrid gives him reassurance that what he’s searching for isn’t out in the unexplored world but inside of him - because he doesn’t need to prove himself, not to her, she knows who he is and she loves him for both the good and the bad. Astrid comforts him when his father is killed, even though she’s mourning the death of her Chief too, and is supportive when Hiccup has to step up and be Chief - she knows he can do it, that he will be a good Chief in his own way. 

America Ferrera: But this time she’s his number one supporter because she sees that he’s special and totally capable of leadership. he is a partner in his adventure.

America Ferrera: They’re both incredibly independent spirits and very independent in their own rights, but are incredibly supportive of one another. Astrid is Hiccup’s number one defender and champion but also her own leader in her own right.

The third film just proves it even more. Both of them seem to know that one day they’ll be married - they’ve been together for years - but Astrid especially knows now is not the time. She knows that Hiccup relies on Toothless, she doesn’t get mad about it but she knows that so long as he’s so focused on Toothless, it’s pointless to try and compete. In a deleted scene she even says that she’s not opposed to the idea of marrying him, but she doesn’t want to get married for the sake of getting married - it has to be the right time, and that time isn’t now. “He thinks he’s nothing without Toothless” she tells Valka, and she recognizes Hiccup’s reliance on Toothless. She doesn’t want to replace Toothless - no one can do that - but she finds her own way to support Hiccup when he needs it most. She takes him to the Hidden World, and is visibly concerned when Hiccup is upset - they both see that Toothless is where he belongs. She doesn’t need to say anything sometimes, she just knows she has to be there for him - she doesn’t resent him for that, she just knows that this is difficult for him because of how much he relies on Toothless, how much of his own value he attributes to the Night Fury.

As Valka says, “he’ll listen to you” - and he does. It’s Astrid who inspires him in both the first and third movies to act. “What are you gonna do about it?” “Ehh...Probably something stupid”. She doesn’t just think Hiccup is valuable because he rides a Night Fury or because he’s the Chief - “I was the first to believe in you, and I have watched you doubt whether you’re worthy ever since” - she loves him for him, not for a dragon or title.

Perhaps the most interesting part of her speech on the cliff is when she admits that “I’m the person I am today because of you - I’ve never told you that but it’s true”. She’s not just saying that to make him feel better or to stroke his ego, it’s the truth. Because of Hiccup, she rode on Toothless and saw that everything she previously thought about dragons was wrong; because of Hiccup, she learned to train and befriend Stormfly (who she has such a close bond with to the point where she was willing to get herself poisoned by a Slitherwing to save her). Because of Hiccup, she’s no longer solely focused on being the ultimate Viking warrior - there’s a softer side to her that was always there but he brought out. 

Cate Blanchett: They’re absolute equals. They're competitors, they challenge one another, but they’re also able to be gentle with one another and tell the truth to one another.

Like Valka said in the deleted scene, “you bring out the best in each other” - Hiccup’s own mother recognizes that Astrid also has a positive effect on her son. No one else could have convinced him to do something crazy like get the rest of the gang to ride on dragons to defeat the Red Death, no one else could have inspired him on that cliff to come up with the plan of having everyone wearing the wings to soar through the air. In Race to the Edge, he even tells her straight out “I couldn’t have done any of this without you - not the dragon riders or the Edge”. If Astrid hadn’t been there to talk him through his darker/uncertain moments, he perhaps would have just stood there and been lost. A lot of Hiccup’s development is due to two people: Toothless and Astrid. Without the two of them, he wouldn’t be the Chief we see him as in the last film. Hiccup has the ideas - Astrid inspires him to develop and use them.

Jay Baruchel: They complement each other, y’know? Hiccup is 'reason' and Astrid is 'action'.

When Hiccup makes that final decision to let the dragons go, neither of them need to say anything to each other - they both look at each other and know. Astrid is the first one to undo her dragon’s saddle, to show that she will follow him and trust his decision. She stands by his side and supports him when he has just one leg, both before and while watching the dragons fly away.

And then there’s the wedding, of course. There seems to be only slight hesitation from Astrid, and that hesitation seems to be “I want to be sure he’s certain he’s ready” - and he is, by Thor, he is. You can see her little nod and wide smile as she takes his hands, as if silently saying “yeah, let’s do this - we’re ready”.

The look on his face when she takes his offered hands is full of pure love and adoration for her. It’s like he’s thinking “I am the luckiest man in the world”.

^Hes so in love, bless him

This relationship is about 6 years in the making, give or take (since we don’t really know how long it took to build New Berk - it seems like they maybe got married a few months after the dragons left). They’ve known each other most of their lives even before being in a relationship, even before being friends. There’s a trust and love betwen them that can’t be disputed. And here is the culmination of those 6-or-so-years - the two of them maturing as adults, taking that step together as they rule over their people, as they continue to try to build a better world without their dragons, one that will hopefully make it safe for dragons to return someday. When they kiss as husband and wife, he takes her face in his hand, and you can see the love and passion between them even in that simple kiss - it’s the start of their new lives together. It’s that air of “finally”.

Speaking of kisses, you can see the dynamic between them as it develops through the little touches and kisses, through every action.

In the first movie, Astrid has a little habit of punching or hitting Hiccup - and no, that’s not okay, but it was in no way to control or abuse him. She does it when he’s being weird in the cove, and then for lying to her. In the cove after flying Toothless, she punches him on the shoulder - but it’s not violent, it’s half-hearted, because she kisses his cheek immediately after. She also has a habit of doing it to the other dragon riders, so it’s not to control Hiccup or anything like that. To add, it’s obvious that young Vikings like to be rough - like Ruff and Tuff hitting each other.

“It’s not violence, it’s communication” — Astrid says this to Fishlegs in Riders/Defenders of Berk. Again, I’m not saying it’s okay to go around punching or hitting people, but I think it offers some insight into why she does it. Astrid isn’t comfortable with being open with her emotions at first, especially in regards to her growing feelings for Hiccup, and so I think for her that’s her way of saying “I kinda like him but I’m scared to admit it” or something. It’s like Ron and Hermione always bickering in Harry Potter, because there’s romantic tension that neither of them want to admit to. For her, I don’t think romance is something she’s comfortable with - it’s always been training and proving herself, and she wouldn’t have had time for thinking or wanting relationships since she wanted to be a shield-maiden/the best Viking warrior to prove herself/restore her family name.

Relating back to the above point, Astrid’s little punches/hits only seem to happen when they’re younger - as they get older, she stops completely. I think that’s because she matured and became more comfortable with expressing her feelings for Hiccup as well as in general.

In HTTYD2, she gives Hiccup an affectionate weak punch that activates the spring coil in his suit. His annoyance isn’t from being hit, but from the fact she’ll wear out the spring coil - that flight suit is pretty thick, to add, so I don’t think it particularly hurt him. The second time is not a punch or hit but her pressing the button intentionally. He’s not even that annoyed about it since he pulls her in for an intense kiss afterwards.

To my memory, she doesn’t once hit Hiccup in the third film. Any touches between them are softer, more care behind them

They do play-wrestle a little on the cliff, and that is started by Hiccup, who pulls her onto him after she makes a joke about Snotlout marrying his mum.

She tries to get away, laughing as he holds her/perhaps tickles her, and he says “no you’re not getting away!” - which is when she grins, grabs his wrist/arm and twists it behind his back until he yields and says “you win!”. After that, they briefly cuddle up to each other (“you knew what you were getting into” “uh-huh, right”) It’s purely all affectionate and loving, no harm done. They definitely seem comfortable to play-wrestle and tease each other.

Towards the end, Hiccup and Astrid rest their heads against each other, in this really beautiful moment where they don’t need to talk - the intimacy is obvious. You can also see him with his arm around her as she helps him stand without his prosthetic; they’re both close and comfortable, with her hand against his chest and his hand on her wrist, holding her close.

When they get married, Hiccup holds out his hands for her to take. He doesn’t just grab her hands, he gives her the decision - she can take his hands and marry him, or she’s fully able to turn around and say “I don’t think I’m ready”. Granted, it’s a bit late given that it’s a wedding ceremony and the whole of the village is watching, but he’s giving her that moment anyway - a last chance to back out. He’s giving her the choice to take his hands and get married once and for all. It makes it seem so much more mutual, in a way, like they’re both making that decision. Again, it’s just a nicer, more consenting action than just grabbing her hands in his own.

And yeah, she takes his hand - they’re in this together. She gives him that nod, a final little way of saying “yeah you dork, of course I’m going to marry you, I’m here, aren’t I?”

What’s also interesting about Hiccup and Astrid is that Hiccup definitely grows more comfortable with initiating, and he grows more comfortable with showing affection; you’ll see him taking Astrid’s hand, touching her arm, intitiating kisses, etc.

Speaking of kisses...

At first, Astrid initiates all the kisses. The two in the first film, Snoggletog, the one after the Thawfest games etc. These are all before their romance even properly starts. The kisses in the first film especially have her grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him in - not that he seems to mind that much.

Their first kiss in RTTE is more both of them leaning in at the same time - a mutual action to seal their newfound status as boyfriend/girlfriend.

In the early days of their relationship in RTTE, Astrid is the one who initiates kisses, and then it’s Hiccup who reciprocates - I think this reflects how their early relationship is, with Hiccup still being a little uncertain about it and waiting for Astrid to take the lead since he doesn’t want to push her or make her do anything she doesn’t want to at first. It also relates back to the fact that Astrid is more sure of herself, more confident, and more likely to take action whilst Hiccup thinks about things first

While she initiates, he always reciprocates - he’s clearly happy that she is kissing him, he’s just not ready to initiate it himself at first because he’s not as confident yet.

But then Hiccup grows more confident as the series progresses; he kisses her head or touches her slightly more and more. In Mi Amore Wing, it’s Hiccup who initiates a kiss and pulls Astrid towards him. Again, in the King of Dragons Part 2 (the series finale), it’s Hiccup who pulls Astrid back to him before she can run off and he kisses her - and she’s happy to let him do it.

In HTTYD 2, Astrid first gives Hiccup a kiss on the cheek; slightly later, Hiccup presses a kiss to the side of her head. Finally, towards the end, it’s Hiccup who reaches for Astrid, pulls her to him, and kisses her in front of everyone.

Finally, in HTTYD3, Hiccup initiates both of the cheek/side of the head kisses. First, when he’s making Toothless’ new tail and he pecks the side of her head after saying “it’s just until he brings her back”. Then there’s the side kiss on the cliff after she says “that’s the Hiccup I know”. He’s so much more sure of himself, so comfortable with their relationship, now as opposed to how it was in the first film/RoB/DoB

Finally, the wedding kiss. That’s another one where they both go in for it - the two of them lean in and meet halfway. It’s symbolic of how a marriage should work, both of them meeting in the middle and neither of them doing all the work. It’s a kiss that seals the deal, one that represents the beginning of their new life together, and how they will support each other in their marriage.

I love that they’re not afraid to disagree with one another - Astrid will not blindly follow Hiccup if she’s uncertain about one of his ideas, she will discuss it with him, and if all else fails, she’ll go with him to make sure he doesn’t get himself into danger. Astrid doesn’t stroke his ego or lie to him - on two separate occasions, she agrees that he’s messed up whilst he’s self-pitying himself; first in “Guardians of Vanaheim in RTTE:

Hiccup: This was a really bad decision, Astrid. Really, really bad.

Astrid: Yeah, you’re probably right.

Hiccup:...Well, you’re not supposed to just agree with me like that. You’re supposed to tell me I did the right thing in a tough situation.

Astrid: I could tell you that but it wouldn’t be the truth. And you know that.

Hiccup: Yeah, I guess I do.

She could have easily lied to him to make him feel better - but they respect each other enough to be honest with one another. Astrid instead reassures him in a much better way:

Astrid: Hiccup, you make a hundred decisions every day, they aren’t all gonna be correct. What’s important is that you keep making decisions, that after you fail, you move forward.

Another example is in HTTYD3, after Grimmel has captured Toothless and taken all the dragons captive. On the cliff, as Hiccup paces and Astrid approaches him, she tells him the truth again:

Hiccup: I shouldn't have dragged you out there. He wouldn't have flown me back. She wouldn't have followed.

Astrid: Yep.

Hiccup: Aah! I feel like the same screw up I was before I met Toothless.

Astrid: I can see that.

Hiccup: Are you just gonna stand there and agree with everything?

Astrid: Well, you're right. You're back to where you started. But I was the first to believe in you. And I have watched you doubt whether you're worthy ever since. But you know what... I am the person I am today because of you. I never told you that, but it's true. You are the bravest, most stubborn, most determined... knucklehead I know. Toothless didn't give you that, Hiccup. He just made it--

Hiccup: Easier.

Astrid: And now it's gonna be a lot harder. So... what are you gonna do about it?

Hiccup: Probably something stupid.

Astrid: That's the Hiccup I know.

Again, she could have easily said “no it’s not your fault, babe” but she knew that that would have gotten them nowhere. She’s not necessarily saying it IS his fault - her “yep” is more in the vein of “I’m gonna let you rant it out and agree with you until you’re ready to listen”. She’s not particularly serious when she says it either - before she can get through to him, it’s that he’s pacing about frustrated, feeling both angry and sorry at/for himself, and she knows that he needs to get it out of his system/snap out of it before she can attempt to get through to him.

Everything about their relationship - from little touches to kisses, to supporting each other etc - has such a natural progression that also reflects how they both develop as individuals. This series has such themes of growing up and maturing, and I love that the film-makers put so much effort into reflecting their growth as individuals and a couple.

And just because I like to keep posts nice and cheerful, I leave you all with this gem: