#i re read this ask and still can't wrap my head around what makes you feel this

[getoswhore]

that’s hot

BE NORMAL FOR A SECOND

[lamentationsofalonelypotato]

Chapter 17: How Could I Ever Forget?

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy.  This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter seventeen of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 9.1K

Warnings: References to sex, Cursing, Angst, Past Violence reference, Soft Ben, Fluff,  Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC, Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Additional Warning: Soldier Boy is again, super OC and fluffy in this chapter. If you do not like that, you probably shouldn't read this?

Guide

Rosemary's Phone

Reader's Phone

You sigh softly as you wake, the light from under your curtains illuminates your bedroom and sends a warm glow over your bed. You had never been a morning person. The only motivation you ever had to get out of bed was the hope of a cup of strong coffee waiting for you in the kitchen. But as you lay there, mind still a little cloudy from sleep you can't help but think that something feels different, that you've forgotten something important.

Maybe a shower will make me remember.

Instinctively you start to move towards the edge of your bed to get up, but something heavy tightens its grip around your chest making it impossible to move from its embrace.

What?

“Where are you going?” Ben’s voice is slurred and muffled against the pillow behind you.

The events of the night before begin to surface from the sweet haze of sleep, Ben showing up, you yelling at him, him bringing you lavender and saying everything you always wanted him to, and finally him holding you while you cried. You still weren’t sure that last part happened. That or Ben's ability to open his heart to you and tell you what he was feeling rather than reverting back into the cold attitude he adopted as Soldier Boy. In fact, you hadn't seen one shred of Soldier Boy yesterday, you'd only seen Ben, and deep down you hoped that you'd never see Soldier Boy ever again.

“Stay.” He murmurs, pulling your back into his muscular chest. “Please.”

His body is wrapped around yours, shielding you from your door, face buried in your hair, while one arm rests around your abdomen and the other is somewhere above your head bracing against the headboard. It feels natural and it makes anxiety electrify your veins.

Because what if he was going to leave again?

You turn your head to look over your shoulder.

Ben’s head is laying on the same pillow yours is, his eyes are closed, and his hair is falling forward into his peaceful face. Deep down another memory of this exact scenario surfaces, of you waking up before him when you were children and wishing that he wanted this as much as you did. Of course now he said he had wanted you the entire time time, and that he wasn’t going to leave, but deep down you dreaded what would happen when he opened his eyes.

Would he go cold again? Push me away? Say that he didn't mean any of it?

You try not to think that. You wanted him to mean all of it. You wanted him to fix it, to make it like it was before, make everything like the morning you woke up on his chest and he smiled down at you like you were everything he ever wanted. You wanted every day of your life to start that way, to be fused with wonder, love, and expectation. That morning you had woken up on his chest after your birthday, was one of the happiest memories you had, but what followed those few moments of happiness tore your heart out.

He said he wanted to fix this, that he wanted to be with me. You bite the inside of your cheek. He’s lied before. The thought fills you with dread.

“You’re thinking too much.” Ben sighs opening one green eye to stare at you. It’s a light green from sleep, but just as piercing as usual.

“I am not.”

Sometimes you though that Ben was psychic, because he was always able to read you, the same way that you always had been able to read him. Even when you were kids Ben was always able to tell what you were thinking, not to mention he always had a habit of showing up whenever you needed him.

Ben chuckles and opens his other eye. “I know you better than anyone else Sweetheart.”

“Maybe a little.” You admit.

“Hmm.”

You turn in his arms so you can look at his face and Ben adjusts his arm to drop over the curve of your hip, gently brushing his fingertips against you the base of your spine. But you don’t smile.

“What is it?” He whispers moving his face closer with a soft smile that tugs at something in your chest. “You can tell me.”

“You know.” You don't meet his eyes, the sour feeling in your chest growing with your confession as you level your gaze at his chin.

“Oh.” Ben's smile drops into a frown.

“It’s a little weird. That you’re here and you want to be-“

“I do.”

“I know. But I keep waiting for you to leave again, for you to push me away.” You hate that you have to say it out loud, but he might as well know what you're thinking. He needs to understand how much he hurt you and how worried you were about that. It was worse to keep it inside. That's what you had been doing for the better part of 40 years and now that it was all out in the open you did feel a little better, but it still hung on your heart. 

“I don’t want to leave you-"

“I know that. Or at least a part of me does. The other part…” You trail off.

Ben is quiet for a minute, before he brings his hand up to brush away the strands of your hair that have fallen into your eyes. “Do you still want me here?” His expression turns pained when he asks it, voice barely above a whisper.

You look at him, tracing the strong jaw you’d memorized, the unruly brown hair that you always wished to run you fingers through, the proud arch of his brow, and the gentle bow of his lips. “Yes.” You answer honestly. "I do."

Ben looks relieved. "Then I won't leave."

The weight of those words grounds you to this moment. He wants to be here. He doesn't want to go.

"How'd you sleep?" His right hand is still tracing your spine in smooth comforting circles over the back of your soft t-shirt.

"Good. Did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in forty years."

"I figured." You smile faintly. You allow your hands to rest on his chest, just over his heart between you so you can feel the steady beat against your fingertips. It solidified the fact that he was here with you. You stop the urge to trace your finger across his muscles, but instead focus on the warmth that soaks through his shirt into the palms of your hands. "Probably should get a little more sleep, those dark circles look like bruises." You trace the prominent purple marks that curve beneath his eyes.

You think about everything Ben told you about the lab that he was a prisoner in, all the experiments and torture he went through believing that he deserved it.

He didn't. You think to yourself as you search his face, noting again that Ben looks the same, but also different. I wonder if I'm the same way. Then again I didn't go through forty years of unrelenting torture in a Russian Lab.

The thought makes anger surge against your skin. When you were with Countess you had felt a little guilty about losing control, but now you reveled in it. She deserved more than what I did to her. If I had known what she did to Ben, I would have made it hurt.

You think about Noir, the TNT Twins, and MindStorm. You had been happy to lose touch with them after everything that happened with Ben, happy to leave behind the life you had when you were on Payback, but now you weren't sure. Ben telling you how they betrayed him made you reconsider your life in the shadows, made you reconsider turning your back on your powers. Because they deserved the same thing you did to Countess. 

"I was trying to, but somebody woke me up." Ben rolls his eyes at you, bringing you out of your thoughts of your teammates. "I remember you hating mornings as much as I do. Why are you awake?”

"I do hate mornings, but coffee makes them tolerable. Plus, I really need to take a shower."

"Oh good. I didn’t want to say anything but you really stink." Ben teases with a smirk.

"Wow." You scoff. "Big talk coming from the guy who smells like reefer, whiskey, and week old motel."

"You’re right I should probably take a shower too. But I’ll let you go first. Seems like the gentlemanly thing to do." Ben's smirk coupled with the mischievous glint in his eyes makes your heart warm. It was familiar in the best way. You didn't realize how much you missed it, how much you missed him. You'd tried to forget of course, how much you needed him in your life, how much you longed for him to be with you, and how much your friendship meant to you.

"Oh are you calling yourself a gentleman now? Because-"

“I am as much a gentleman as you are a lady and we both know that it’s a close tie.”

“Uh-huh sure.” You roll your eyes. "Maybe I would have been a lady if someone hadn't gotten me kicked out of the Dawson School For Girls."

"I never heard a thank you for that." Ben shrugs. His hand continues to circle at the base of your spine, his touch trailing warmth up your back. You weren't prepared for his touch to do the same thing to you that it did forty years ago.

It made you forget everything else, but him and it scared you. Because again you could feel yourself opening up to him, could feel yourself beginning to depend on him being there with you.

"I'll be sure to write you a thank you note."

“Hmm." Ben breathes. "Don’t use all the hot water.”

“Since this is my apartment and I pay for the water I feel that I should be entitled to use most of it.”

“Are you saying that I have to write you a check to take a shower?”

“Yep.”

“You’re fucking annoying.” Ben rolls his eyes at you playfully.

“I know. I’ve got forty years of sarcasm to make up for, so, might as well get used to it.” You smirk tapping him on the nose.

“I look forward to it.” Ben smiles back.

You try to get out of your bed again, but Ben tightens his grip on your waist pulling you back against his chest so that your faces are inches apart.

“Ben, I can't take a shower if you're holding me hostage." You joke pushing against his chest.

Ben leans his forehead against yours, making the next taunt vanish from your mind. “I missed you.”

You smile despite your mixed feelings over the two of you and the past forty years. It was hard to hold on to the fear of him pushing you away when he was holding you so close to him and gazing at you the same way he did the morning after he gave you everything you wanted.

“I missed you too.” You reply, gently smoothing a wrinkle in the front of his t-shirt.

It wasn’t a lie. You missed him more than life itself. Not just because you loved him, but because he was your best friend. He knew you inside and out, better than anyone else.

His gaze drops to your lips then flicks up to your eyes and you know what he wants but you're not ready.

“Ben-“ You breathe as he shifts his face closer. “I want to take this slow. I need us to take this slow.”

“I know.” He sighs, but then the edge of his mouth twitches. “That’s why I didn’t make a joke about saving hot water and taking a shower together.”

“Much appreciated.”

“Mhmm. It was difficult not to.” Ben pauses, his expression turns serious. “I’m going to make this right I promise. I’m going to fix this.” It wasn't the first time he'd said it, but it was nice to hear again.

The determination in his voice makes you hopeful. It made you understand that he wasn’t going to give up, even if that meant waiting for you to be ready. He was showing a considerable amount of restraint. The Soldier Boy version of Ben was not gentle or patient, but it made you feel special, as if it was only you that Ben reserved this part of himself for.

“I know.”

“I love you.” His hand comes to cup your cheek, bright green eyes searching yours earnestly.

“I love you too.”

Ben's thumb gently traces across your cheekbone. “Maybe don’t take a shower.”

“You said I stunk.” You reply with a snort, leaning your face into his touch.

“You don’t. I actually think you smell a little like me right now.”

“Oh great-“

It wasn’t that he smelled bad. Ben still smelled like his shampoo and aftershave, but there were a few other smells, all of which were stale, and ones that you attributed to the motel room Butcher made him stay in.

I can’t believe Butcher just left.

You hadn't asked Ben how he got him to leave or really why Butcher was so eager to help Ben get out of Russia.

“I like it. Plus that means you'd have to go and I don't want you to go yet." Ben’s voice softens.

Your eyes widen with his confession.

"Stay.” He whispers. The vulnerability in his eyes is back, striking you full on in the chest. You weren’t used to that, used to him being so open about wanting you, about wanting to be with you. Or really his want to do something so intimate without having sex.

"Okay." You relent and he pulls you closer.

 Your hands drift up into his hair before you can stop them, rustling through the chocolate strands, smiling as Ben sighs and presses his head into your right shoulder.

And as conflicted you are about all of this, it does something to you, makes a piece of yourself fit back together that you thought you lost long ago, because you saw that Ben was trying. He was making an effort to fix all of this. And you really hoped that he could.

When you get out of the shower Ben isn't in your bedroom and the dread comes roaring back like an old enemy.

Did he leave?

The thought is immediate, followed by how empty your bedroom looks without him in it.

Shit. How can I be so dependable on him being in here already? Why am I doing this to myself again?

"Ben?" You say cautiously, shaking out your wet hair around your shoulders onto your soft t-shirt.

"Out here." Ben shouts from the kitchen.

The amount of relief you hear when he answers in his warm timbre again makes you anxious, because you hated how much your body responded to him and how quickly you had reinserted him into your life. It was like your heart wanted to break again.

You had opted to put the same clothes on that you had been wearing before because the sweatpants and t-shirt were preferable for a lazy morning and you weren't expecting to go anywhere today.

Well, not really. Then again I might have to go talk to Rosemary. How do I tell her that her dad is back and he showed up at my apartment? Or better yet, how do I tell her that he spent the night?

You press your lips together.

I mean I didn't sleep with him, but I did sleep with him and I don’t think she's going to be ecstatic that he's back in my life. Or our lives? Is she going to actually want him in her life?

You think about what Ben said about not leaving and his want to stay with you.

How am I going to explain any of this to her? She's just going to say that I forgave him and not listen to me. She's just so damn stubborn.

Another thought crosses your mind just as quickly.

How am I going to tell Ben that he’s a dad?

You had considered that exact question in the past, when you wondered what would have happened if Ben hadn’t died. If you would have told him that you were pregnant and if he would have even cared. Especially after everything he said that night and everything he did.

And now that he was back and said he didn’t want to leave, you weren’t sure how to tell him he was a dad. He was still trying to get used to living in the present, not to mention you were still trying to get used to him wanting to be there with you and the idea that he loved you.

But I can’t just avoid Rosemary. She needs to know this, needs to know that he’s back. Why is my life so complicated?

Ben's reply is followed by a loud crashing noise and some muffled curses, that draw you out of your thoughts about your daughter.

"Are you okay?" You run out of your bedroom into the hallway, but stop in shock just as you enter the edge of your living room. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Come on you stupid, fucking thing!" Ben shouts. He’s standing in your kitchen, holding your coffeemaker in a chokehold against his chest, and aggressively jabbing his finger against the digital interface.

“Wait stop! You’re going to break it! And I’ll never forgive you if you break Sully!” You rush over to where he's standing in your kitchen, taking the machine from him and placing it back on the counter. It looks okay, but not having coffee this morning was not an option for you. Not having coffee after the night you'd had meant that someone in the apartment was going to die and it wasn't going to be you.

“Sully?” Ben asks confused.

“The coffeemaker.” You begin to hook it up and type in the normal settings you use, before going to look through your cabinets for the bag of coffee grounds.

I know I still have some in here somewhere.

“You named your coffeemaker?”

“He looks like an Sully." You shrug as you look over at him with a smile.

You didn't tell him that it was Lou that named the coffeemaker after you watched Monster's Inc. with her and she imprinted on the closest blue object.

"And what are you doing?” You ask. The smell of the coffee grounds gives you a jolt of energy as you scoop out the correct amount for the machine.

Ben watches you go through the steps. “I wanted to make you coffee.”

The thought was surprising, given that Ben had never made you coffee, ever. Whenever he woke up at you apartment all those mornings you both either went for coffee at the café down the street, or you made coffee while Ben took a shower.

“It’s okay I’ll do it. It’s a little more high tech than what you’re used to.” You start to push him gently out of the way so you can reach the glass  decanter where it sits on the drying rack next to the sink.

“No.” He says firmly, refusing to budge. “I want to know how to make you coffee.”

“Why?”

“Because you love coffee and maybe one morning I’d like to- I don’t know- make you some or something?”

“Do you see yourself in my kitchen? Because that’s something I’d never imagine-“ You try to think of him walking around, making breakfast or dinner but the image doesn’t fit. Ben didn’t know how to cook, not to mention his usual misogynistic attitude usually meant that he never set foot in the kitchen except to find a bottle of booze.

He crosses his arms over his chest defiantly. “Well this is where I live. I imagine that I’d be in the kitchen at some point.”

You freeze, your hand still pressed against his bicep from when you tried to move him out of the way.

“What?” Ben realizes what he’s said. “Oh- um- I know you want to take things slow, but I figured I could just sleep on the couch. I didn’t need to sleep in bed with you like last night. I-“ He scrunches up his face, unsure. “I wasn’t lying when I said I wasn’t going to leave you again and I thought I might as well be living here. But if I assumed wrong I can get an apartment if that makes you more comfortable. I mean I didn’t  use the one I had forty years ago, I spent most of my time at your apartment with you and I kinda thought-well-“ He’s watching you with wide eyes. “Fuck. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed-“

Ben was blabbering, nervous despite his inability to admit it, afraid in his own way that you were going to reject him, think him less of a man for revealing how much he wanted you to be in his life. And it does something to you, understanding that you're not the only one who's afraid of what comes next.

You smile at his obvious discomfort, heart clenching to see how much he wants to stay, and recognize how much you don't want him to go. How despite everything, you want him to stay here with you, and that you don't want him to live somewhere else. Because living somewhere else means that you wouldn't wake up in his arms and you wouldn't see his sleepy smile when he first opened his eyes.

You hug him around the waist and tuck your face into the hollow of his throat. “You can live here Ben.” You say, your voice no more than a murmur.

“Are you sure? I know that you don’t want to rush things. You want to take this slow and I understand how important that is to you.“ Ben's hands come up around you to hold you closer to him.

“Kinda hard for you to fix things if you’re living somewhere across town.” You mutter into his shirt, nuzzling your face into the soft fabric. “Plus I like the idea of you bringing me coffee in the morning.”

“And I like the idea of living with you.” He whispers into the top of your head. “So does that mean I’m entitled to hot water?”

“We can discuss terms later. Right now I really need some coffee.”  You place you chin on his chest and look up into his deep green eyes.

“So you’ll take payment in the form of coffee?” Ben's smile is contagious.

“Perhaps.”

Ten minutes later Sully is buzzing pleasantly as it brews, glinting  blue in the light that streams through the large windows on the opposite side of your apartment, and Ben knows how to use it without swearing and breaking it in half. 

He drifts over to the part of your living room that serves as your art studio, examining the canvases splashed with color and the half-full sketchbooks on the large wooden table pressed under the windows. It was messier over there than  the rest of your apartment, but you thrived on the mess, thrived on the chaos of art supplies that were scattered over the table top like multicolored fish.

“I followed your advice.” You smile leaning against the counter to watch him. “Started selling my art. It’s selling pretty well. Has been for a while.”

It was still weird that he was here in your apartment. Each time you looked up and saw him, you were surprised, but at the same time there was something deep down that was happy to see him there, dressed in normal clothes. Waking up next to him and having him make you coffee was the domestic relationship you had wanted with him so long ago. It was what you used to imagine when you were curled up on your couch in your old apartment downtown.

“Of course it is. You’re talented.” He replies while flipping through your sketchpad, the flick of the pages drowned out by the bubbling of the coffee.

"I actually have a show coming up in a few weeks-" You weren't sure if you were still going to make enough pieces in time, especially given everything that was happening in your life with Ben or what would happen when you told Rosemary.

"Good." Ben glances up from the sketchpad. "I want to go."

"I'd like that." You blush under his gaze before your eyes drift back to the box of letters smiling faintly.  “I still can’t believe you kept them.”

“Got kicked out of boarding school number nine because of them.”

“I thought you got kicked out because  you were in a fight.” You raise an eyebrow. “You never told me why.”

“Because someone stole the letters and read them out loud in the cafeteria.”

“You’re kidding!” You snort.

“No.”

“So he exposed you for being a simp and your immediate reaction was to fight him in the cafeteria?” Your fingertips brush over the faded script on the sheets of paper.

“Being a what?” Ben looks confused as he walks slowly towards you.

“Oh right.” You press your lips together to think of a way to explain it without insulting him. “It means being head over heels for someone.” It was a bit of a stretch but he didn’t need to know that. He didn’t need to know that the meaning was closer to something Ben would ascribe to being a pussy.

“I am.” His hands go on the counter around you pinning you between the metal and his muscular chest, looking down with so much love and care in his eyes that it makes you dizzy.

It was jarring. How could he flip the switch so easily? How could he be so open now to me and not be like this before?

You think about the moments you spent in bed together 40 years ago, the look in his eyes the perfect morning, how he held you like he never wanted you to let him go and you didn’t want him to.

“Are you now?”

“Mhmm.” Ben tilts his head down towards your forehead, but just before it rests against yours,  your phone buzzes where you left it on the counter the night before, drawing your eyes to the illuminated screen.

“What is that?” Ben asks. You gently push him away to pick up the phone that continues to vibrate.

“Shit.” You mutter to yourself. You had ten missed calls from Rosemary not to mention a barrage of texts that each got more and more unhinged as they were delivered.

Rosemary: Hey.    Rosemary: Did you land? Rosemary: Mom? Rosemary: HELLO?     Rosemary: Mom are you in trouble? Rosemary: MOM.   Rosemary: Please you’re scaring me. Rosemary: Pick up the phone. Rosemary: PICK UP THE PHONE Rosemary: PICK  Rosemary: UP Rosemary: THE Rosemary: PHONE Rosemary: If you don’t pick up I’m going to buy a plane ticket. Rosemary: I bought a plane ticket. Rosemary: I’m packing a bag- Rosemary: I’m calling Lou’s babysitter. Rosemary: I’m scheduling an Uber!

Rosemary: Alright to whoever  has my mom’s fucking phone, I’m coming and when I get there she better be okay. Because if she’s not, there will be nowhere for you to hide.

You tap out a quick message to sate her ridiculous descent into madness, before thinking of what you need to say next.

You: Rosie it’s okay. I’m fine!

She Immediately texts back.

Rosemary: What’s the safe word?

You: Pineapple.

Rosemary: What’s the second safe word?

Your fingertips hover over the screen as you try to remember if Rosemary had decided a second word that gave the all clear, but you can't remember one.

You: We don’t have a second safe word?

Rosemary: I know I was testing you. Where the hell did you go? Why didn’t you text me? I thought the plane was supposed to land early this morning?

You: My plans changed I didn’t have to go to Russia. I’ll tell you later. Lots happened and I need to work a few things out.

Rosemary: What happened? Did you find out he wasn’t there?

You: No I didn’t need to go.

You stop typing to try and think of a way to phrase that her father showed up out of the blue and slept over.

Well he didn't sleep over, sleep over, but he did stay in my bed with me and… she's going to kill me.

Rosemary: Because?

Rosemary: BECAUSE?

You: He kinda showed up here.

Rosemary: HE WHAT?

You: He showed up at my apartment.

Rosemary: Are you okay? DID HE HURT YOU? ILL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES-

You: No he didn’t hurt me. I promise. All we did was talk. If anything I hurt him.

Rosemary: Good.

You watch the three dots flicker across the screen of your phone to signify that she is responding, waiting with your heartbeat thundering in your ears.

Rosemary: Is he still there?

You: Yes.

Rosemary: Do you need me to come over?

You: No. He’s been through a lot. The last thing he needs is for you to show up guns blazing. I haven’t told him about you or Lou yet-

Rosemary: You fucking forgave him didn’t you? WHY?!!

You: I didn’t forgive him. It’s complicated-

Rosemary: What happened to just slapping him around a bit then telling him to fuck off? That was a good plan. I LOVED THAT PLAN!

You: Well I did tell him to fuck off but it got more complicated.

Rosemary: OH MY FUCKING G-

“Hey you okay?” Ben’s voice jars you from the barrage of messages on your phone. His gaze is leveled on your face, noting the worried frown that pulls at your lips.

“Yeah. Sorry someone was texting me-“ You try to wave him off, afraid that he can see the texts on the screen of your phone.

I don't want him to find out this way. Not by glancing over my shoulder and seeing the manic, overprotective texts from our daughter.

“They were what?” He looks down at the phone in your hand confused, but you lock the screen.

“Oh right. Sorry I forgot that you’ve  been living under a rock the past forty years. It’s kinda like sending a message, instantaneously so you can talk to someone else.”

You really didn't feel like explaining texting and Wi-fi at the moment with him. You were too worried about the introduction between Ben and Rosemary that was looming over you like a guillotine.

But he still looks confused.

“I’ll get you a phone, don’t worry.”

There's so much he's missed.

Your phone buzzes in your hand and you know it’s Rosemary.

She's not going to give up.

Ben looks down at it again curious. “Sounds like someone’s trying to get ahold of you.”

“She can wait.”

“She?”

“Friend of mine.” You answer quickly.

Ben raises an eyebrow. “I can tell when you’re lying.”

“I know.”

The phone buzzes again and you sigh, knowing that the longer you ignore her, the worse it will be. And the last thing you needed was for Rosemary to show up and kick down the door of your apartment with Lou in tow.

“Impatient isn’t she?” Ben comments, noting how the phone continues to vibrate.

“Yeah she is. She’s also incredibly stubborn.”

“Huh sounds like someone I know.” The edge of his mouth quirks in a familiar smile that makes you wish that you had the courage to tell him.

“You have no idea.”

“So?”

“So?”

“Are you going to answer her?”

“I should.” You press your lips together trying to think of a way to bring this up. “Ben I have to tell you something.”

“What?” He brushes back your hair, tenderly stroking his finger along your skin and trailing warmth with his caress. It distracts you for a moment.

“Well after that night we spent together I-um- I stopped being a hero.”

How the fuck do I say this?

“Yes I assumed that given what we talked about at the premiere.” He frowns remembering that night.

“And it wasn’t just because I wanted to leave it was because-um- well, I was different.”

How is he going to react? Is he going to be happy? Angry? Upset that we weren't more careful?

“Sweetheart I know you’re different, that’s why I love you.” He’s watching you softly, eyes a light green, filled with more love than you can comprehend.

It makes it difficult to find your words.

“No not like that I was, well, there’s no easy way to say this.” You pause and take Ben’s hand, raising your eyes to his and stroking your thumb over the warm skin. “I left because I was pre-“

Butcher kicks open the front door of your apartment interrupting what you were going to say next. “Good morning lovebirds. Did you kiss and make up yet?” Butcher flashes a salacious grin, eyeing Ben and your close proximity.

“That’s none of your fucking business.” Ben snaps his eyes narrowed at the man standing in the doorway.

“Touchy.” Butcher raises his hands in a sarcastic surrender.

“Why are you here?” You ask turning to look at him.

Could he have chosen a WORSE time to come here? 

Hughie is loitering in the hall behind him as if deciding whether or not to come in. You couldn't blame him. The poor guy looked like a deer in the headlights yesterday when you threw Ben across the room.

Butcher walks into the kitchen straight for the coffeemaker not asking for permission before he pours himself a cup. “Well I found those TNT fucks that your boyfriend was looking for. Thought he’d want to pay them a visit.”

You turn to look at Ben surprised. “You’re going after the twins?”

Ben and you hadn’t spoken about his next move. He’d only talked about his plans to stay with you and hadn’t mentioned anything about going after your old team.

Not that you were against it. You weren't against making them pay for what they did to him. You weren't against making the remaining members wish that they hadn't sold Ben out. Of course, you hadn't said that to Ben. If anything you were going to give it a few days to get settled together before you brought it up. And you certainly weren't going to bring it up in front of Rosemary, who had been less than pleased when you killed Countess, and wouldn't approve of a bloody rampage all over New York. It definitely wouldn't make her like Ben any more than she already did.

"Yeah." Ben's expression darkens as his eyes flick from your face to Butcher. “Where are they?”

“A few hours outside New York. Brought your suit.”

You didn't like how eager Butcher was to help Ben and remember what Legend said about how Butcher liked killing supes. It made you anxious, because why would Butcher want to help Ben? Was it for the thrill of it? But the last thing you were going to do was leave Ben with a guy who likes killing supes.

Hughie holds up a plastic bag that must contain Ben’s old supe suit and you try not to shudder when you remember the last time you saw him wear it.

“I’ll be a minute.” Ben mutters to you squeezing your hand once before taking the bag and disappearing down the dark hallway towards your bedroom.

But you're not done talking about this with him and as you turn to follow, Hughie steps in front of you.

“Hey I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry."

“About what?” You ask confused.

What does he have to apologize for? He saw Ben and me yelling at each other and saw me throw him across the room. If anything I should be embarrassed about them hearing everything that I shouted at Ben yesterday.

“If I had known what happened between the two of you I would have tried harder to keep Butcher from bringing him here.” Hughie rubs the back of his neck and scrunches up his face sheepishly.

Again, what is he doing hanging around Butcher? Hughie seems to care about other people. And Butcher just seems like-

Your eyes skate to where Butcher is drinking from his cup of coffee unamused. And Butcher is just an asshole.

"It's okay. I'm glad you did. I've been holding on to some stuff for a really long time and Ben has been too. I’m glad that we got to talk things out.”

“So you're okay now?" Hughie raises an eyebrow. "He didn't-“ He pauses as if he's uncomfortable saying what comes next and you try to understand why.

“Didn't?” You ask confused.

“He's kinda rough I was worried that he would-“

He thought that Ben would hurt me.

“Ben might seem a little gruff, but not with me. He's never-“ You stop remembering the premiere and adjust your sentence. “He wouldn't hurt me. And if anything you saw that I can handle him pretty well.” You can't help, but smile and nod your head back towards the couch.

“Yeah. That was intense.” Hughie cracks a nervous smile.

“Yeah” You laugh awkwardly. “ I didn’t mean to lose my shit like that. I’m usually pretty good at controlling myself-"

“Is that what happened to Countess?” Butcher interrupts.

You blink at him surprised. “Yeah. She tried to kill me and she- she said a few things not worth repeating. I didn’t go there with the intention of killing her, I actually just wanted to talk but it got out of hand.”

"What exactly are your powers anyway? Vought's files said you were like him." Butcher nods his head in the direction of where Ben disappeared to.

"I am." The lie is easy. It was the secret that you kept for eighty years, the secret that only Ben and Rosemary knew. Because you knew that particular power made you different than other supes. You had been disappointed to learn that Rosemary's power also made her different than the usual roster of other supe powers that you had encountered in your lifetime. And it made you worry about Lou. Rosemary and you were waiting for the day that Lou's powers manifested and you hoped that Lou didn't have any.

Butcher's eyes narrow like he doesn't believe you, but you shrug it off.

“But I’m going to go check on him so I’ll be right back.”

And you leave your kitchen before Butcher and Hughie can ask you anything else.

When you walk in through the door of your bedroom, Ben is changing into his suit. He’s wearing the dark pants, but the top half of his suit is aying on your bedspread, and that means that you can see every perfect indention of muscle on Ben’s torso. 

You'd seen him without a shirt before, obviously, many times, but each time it did the same thing. Again you curse him for looking this good after being trapped in a Russian lab for 40 years.

Did they let him work out there? Was the lab the same place Ivan Drago trained before he faced Rocky? How is any of this fair?

Your cheeks warm and your heartbeat thuds loudly in your chest as you gaze at him, so you turn back to close the door behind you to clear your head.

"You also get me pretty excited when you take your shirt off Sweetheart." Ben smirks at you with a wink as he picks up the top half of his suit, sliding it on over his head, but his helmet is nowhere to be seen.

Guess he wasn't trying to hide anymore.

You stand there for a minute watching him. "Are you sure about Butcher?"

"What about him?"

"I don't know. I don't understand why he's helping you with all of this-"

Ben goes silent and he turns towards his toolbelt, gun, and knife on your bed.

"What did you promise him?" You take a step towards Ben, to catch his eye.

He doesn't answer immediately, instead he buckles his toolbelt around his waist. "He wants me to go after Homelander. He said that he would help me find what's left of our old team if I do."

"Homelander?" You sputter. "You're kidding right?"

"What? He looks like a pussy-"

You could see some of the macho version of Soldier Boy beginning to unfold from the man who stood in front of you and you didn't like it. It wasn't that you hated the protective side of Ben, the side that always made you feel safe, it was the other side, the side that beat others into submission after they had surrendered that you didn't like.

"Do you even know anything about him?"

Honestly you didn't know too much about Homelander either, just that he was Vought's new golden boy and seemed incredibly shallow, not to mention each time you saw an interview or a picture it unnerved you.

Homelander's eyes were cold, lifeless, and empty. Each time he smiled you could see a glimmer of something dark behind them.  You had seen it before, seen it in the eyes of supes like Liberty who believed that nothing could stop them, supes who believed that they were gods and everyone else was below them.

"Doesn't matter. Butcher thinks that whatever the fuck is in my chest will wipe him out."

"And you believe him?"

"Maybe-"

"Ben."

"What? You don't think I'm strong enough to take him?" His entire body turns back to look at you, something dark lurking behind his eyes that reminds you of the day you stood between him and Noir.

"That's not what I said. It's not about being strong enough to kill Homelander, it's about you trusting Butcher. You don't know anything about him and he's using you to live out his fantasy of killing Homelander. Legend told me that Butcher has this thing about killing supes and he has a bone to pick with Homelander because he did something to Butcher's wife."

"So?"

You shake your head in frustration, trying to get Ben to understand what you were saying. "Ben please, listen to me. I don't care about Homelander, I don't care about Butcher, I care about you-"

Going after Homelander was crazy. The one thing you knew about him, was how Vought continued to stress how indestructible he was, the exact same thing they had said about Ben and you. But leaving Ben with Butcher was crazier. Butcher didn't give a damn about Ben, he was just using him to do the one thing that he couldn't do himself.

"I know that." Ben sighs. "I care about you too."

"And I don't think it's a good idea for you to be doing everything he says-"

"I'm not doing everything he says. We have a deal. And if this is about you being upset with me going after our team, you can't talk me out of it."

“No Ben-“

“Fuck whatever Butcher says about Homelander. I have to do this.” Ben's jaw tightens, eyes flashing with anger as he remembers what happened in Nicaragua.

“Ben-“

“You weren’t there when it happened. You don't understand what they did to me, what it was like to be in that fucking lab! And I’m not going to let those incestuous fucks get away with it.” His teeth grind down together. "I'm not going to let any of them get away with it."

The air in your bedroom begins to get unnaturally warm, a orangish tinge beginning to peak through Ben's suit as his new power begins to manifest.

“Ben!” You shout, stepping towards him and laying your hands against his chest to snap him out of it. Your hands burn as they press against his suit, but you don’t let go of him.

He blinks a few times, gaining control, the brightness fading as he does so, but you don't drop your hands from over his heart.

“What?”

“I know.” You say gently.

“Huh?”

“I know you have to do this and I’m not going to try and stop you from going after our team. They deserve to pay for it. I was going to say that I’m going with you.”

“No.” His answer is immediate.

“What?”

“No.”

“What happened to not wanting to leave me?”

“I don’t want to leave you. But I have to, just for a few hours. I’ll come back I promise-“ Ben's hand falls on your waist, right where your shirt meets the top of your sweatpants, allowing you to feel the warmth of his skin through the fabric.

“No. The last time I let you go alone Countess told me you died and then you got taken away to Russia. I'm not letting you go alone."

The fear of him getting taken all over again squeezes your heart in your chest, because yes, maybe Butcher wanted Ben to go after Homelander, but what would Butcher do when Ben finished the job? Would he send him back to Russia? You weren't going to sit around and find out, you were going to make sure no one did that to Ben ever again. And if that meant him not leaving your sight, you were okay with that.

Ben continues to frown at you, before an odd look crosses his face. "Did you kill her?"

"Yes." You chew the inside of your cheek. "I didn't mean to, she said a few things and she killed me-"

“She killed you?” Ben growls and he begins to lift the bottom of your shirt to find the scar forgetting himself, but you drop your hand over his to stop him.

“It doesn’t matter. She’s dead now.”

She might be dead, but what she said rings in your ears and the proud smile Countess had flashes through your mind. The triumphant look on her face after she told you why she had sex with Ben. The same look that was on her face, before you ripped her head off.

"What did she say?" Ben asks, but then he realizes after the question passes through his lips, noting your expression and remembering what you yelled at him yesterday. "Sweetheart-“

"It's okay-" You shake your head to dissipate the memory of Countess.

“No it isn’t.” Ben's hand cups your face. “What she said wasn’t true. That night meant everything to me. It wasn’t a mistake and it wasn’t disappointing in any way. Believe me.” His thumb brushes against your cheek and you lean into his touch.

“I do. I shouldn't have let what she said get to me and I shouldn’t have believed her. I can't remember the last time I lost control. I hadn't used my powers in a while-"

"Which is why you shouldn’t come."

“I don’t want you to get taken or hurt." Your hand comes up to hold his hand against your cheek.

Ben rolls his eyes at you, cracking a smile. "I won't get hurt."

"It doesn't matter what you say. I'm going."

His smile drops. “No.”

You really couldn't figure out why Ben was doing this. You both had powers and you trained together. You had been on "missions" for Vought before, and before everything happened, you were going to be in Nicaragua with him. So why was this any different?

“Why not?  I’m just as strong as you. I’m just as indestructible-“

Ben pulls his hand from your face. “But you’re not indestructible! You die."

"I come back-"

"Have you thought that maybe I don't want you to come because I hate watching you die?" He snaps angrily.

"What?"

"Do you have any idea what that’s like for me?" He shouts eyes blazing through the soft light in the bedroom. “Hearing your heartbeat stop, watching you take your last breath, knowing that there’s absolutely nothing I can do?”

Whatever thoughts or words you were going to say shrivel up on the tip of your tongue. You'd never thought about it like that before. You'd thought that your ability to come back to life after would have reassured him.

He knows what my powers are. He knows what I can do-

"I hate feeling fucking helpless and every time you get hurt I’m reminded that I can’t help you! That I’m not strong enough to protect you!” He sits down on your bed, hands clenching into fists where they rest on his thighs.

"Ben-"

“When you came with me I promised that I would be strong for both of us, that I would always protect you and every time you die it just makes me feel like I’ve failed!” His gaze is leveled at you feet.

You inhale sharply with his confession. It was what he promised you the night he told you to say no to Howard, the night that you thought he was asking you in his own way to marry him. You could remember the promise, remember the way he held you close to him, eyes wide and vulnerable when he spoke it to you. That night anything had seemed possible. And despite everything that happened with Countess, Ben had never broken that promise to you. He had protected you, he had been strong for you when you needed him to be.

You remember the night of your brother's funeral when he drove all night to be there for you, and how he continued to show up in your life when you were having a hard time as if he seemed to know when you needed him the most.

"Ben-” You try again, this time a little softer.

"Do you have any idea what it’s like to exist in those thirteen fucking seconds wondering if you’re going to come back or not? If that’s the last time I’ll ever see you smile? If you’ll ever open your eyes and look at me ever again?" This time he raises his green eyes to yours and you see a lifetime of emotion reflected in them. It's the same look he had when you woke up after you took a bullet for him and died for the first time. He had yelled at you for it, told you never to do it again, shouted that he could take care of himself and he didn't need you to protect him.

And you suddenly understand, you understand why Ben knew it was thirteen seconds, why he was the first one to ever tell you that it was thirteen seconds. Because each time he counted hoping that you would come back to him.

He doesn’t say anything just continues to sit on the end of the bed, dropping his eyes to the floor again, and wringing his hands together.

You sit down next to him, the bed dipping beneath you, and reach for his hands, but Ben has other plans. He grabs your waist and pulls you up into his lap so you're straddling his thighs. You don't have time to be shocked, because Ben presses his face into your neck and brings both of his arms around your torso to hold you to him. Deep down you know that this is the opposite of taking it slow, but you can't bring yourself to push him away. Because again he was showing the vulnerable side of himself that made you want to comfort him, the side of him that he hid from you for so long.

"You’ve seen me die before.” You breathe, running your hand up and down his back in a soothing motion.

“Doesn’t mean it gets any easier.” He mumbles and you feel his lips brush against the half moon shaped scar over your heart, a reminder of the bullet you took for him all those years ago.“I thought I lost you that day.” Ben mutters into your shirt. “I don’t know what I would have done if I had-“

“You didn’t.”

“But I could have. “I hated that you did it. That you were willing to die for me. You’re worth so much more than I am-"

“The fact that you think that means the opposite.” You run your fingers through his hair, feeling his arms tighten around your hips. “Your father may have made you believe that, but I don't. You’re not a failure Ben. And you could never disappoint me.”

“I already did.”

“Hey we’re moving past that. And I’m sure that I’ve disappointed you plenty.”

“Never.”

“I find that hard to believe.” You snort, and for a moment, you think Ben is going to look up at you and smile, but his face stays buried against your chest.

“Hmm.”

You wait for a moment, stroking your fingers through his hair. “How do you think I felt when they told me you were gone? That I’d never see you again?"

“You were angry at me-“

“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated when they told me you died. I thought that the last thing I’d ever said to you was that you were like your dad and that I regretted having you in my life.”

That was something that you had to live with over the past forty years, because even though what Ben did hurt you, you hated that the last time you saw him was like that. You hated the thought that Ben died believing that you didn't care about him.

Maybe in some ways he did die believing that. All those years at that lab weren't easy for him.

 “I-“

“I swear if you say ‘I deserved it’  again I will kill you.” You say pulling his face up to yours and frowning at him.

“I won’t.”

"Good. Now are you done coming up with ridiculous reasons why I can't come with you to see our old friends? Because I'm genuinely curious to know if they're still pretending that they're not fucking."

Ben cracks a smile. "Yes. But only if you promise me that you'll stay behind me."

"Can't." You start to get off of him, but Ben tightens his grip preventing you from leaving.

"Why not?"

"Because I've never broken a promise to you and I'm not going to start now."

"I just don't want you to get hurt." Ben sighs.

"I know. And I don't want to lose you again." You press your forehead against his, threading your fingertips in his dark hair.

You weren't sure what it would do to you if you did lose him, if he walked out of your life or if he went by himself to face your old teammates and vanished. You had been destroyed when everything fell apart the first time, and you knew this time would be worse if it happened. You could feel it in every fiber of your being, just like somewhere deep down you could feel that what was happening now between him and you was different somehow, that it had changed, but not in a bad way.

"I don't want to lose you either Sweetheart. I love you."

"I love you too."

And when Butcher beats his fist against your bedroom door a few minutes later, you're still in his arms, allowing him to hold you close and allowing yourself to begin to trust him again.

A/N: Sorry it took me a long time to get this one out! I had a hard time writing this chapter, and honestly it's still not my favorite, but big things are coming!!!

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[scarletwinterxx]

won't let them break your heart - joshua hong imagine

i truly truly think this man would be the best at making the worst days better🥺🥺 and i really really really like him🥺

anywayssss i hope you like this one🤍

for my other joshua fics, check them here

if you want, u can buy me coffee(totally optional but any donation is very much appreciated!) thank you🥺💛

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

With everyone busy with jobs and all that adult stuff, it's difficult to get everyone together. Your friend group do try to meet every once in a while, but most times not everyone can make it. One exception though is when it's someone birthday, it's an unspoken promise to always be there.

"Babe, I think I'll be late for Wonwoo's birthday dinner. I'll just meet you there"

Joshua looks up from where he was sitting to look over where you were, he notices the way your scrunching your brows unintentionally which means you're stressed. He knows you enough to read right through you. Heck he knows you better than he knows himself.

You're stressed about something, you have been for days. He also knows it's harder for you to admit it so he lets you come to him on your own. He never pressures to you to tell him anything.

He shoots you an understanding smile, putting his phone down to give you all of his attention. "Sure, love. Do you want me to pick you up?"

You contemplate for a second but you shook your head at him, "It's okay. I'll just meet you there, I don't know how long I'll be at the office that day cause I have this meeting with executives I can't reschedule. I'll just text Wonwoo so he knows. I feel bad if I don't go"

He stands up and walk over to you, giving you a hug you didn't know you needed. Just like that it's like all the noises in your head disappear. You don't think about work or anything else, you just think of how warm Joshua's hug is and how nice would it be to stay in his arms forever and away from the stresses of the world around you.

Joshua can feel you relax in his arms, soon he feels you hug him back even tighter. You needed this, you just didn't know how to say it. He gives your head loving pats, making you feel better even without words.

"Hey, why don't you call it a night? I can get the bath running for you, then you can go relax while I make us some snacks or anything you want" he looks down at you

"Can we just cuddle" you pout, cheeks squished against his chest. The warmth pooling inside Joshua's chest, a feeling he's all too familiar with but it's like the first time every time.

He's not sure if you know, but you got him wrapped around your finger. He'd do anything for you, he'll give you the world if that's what you want.

Leaning down, he gives your cheek a kiss making you smile up at him.

"Of course, my love. And don't worry about the party, I'm sure they'll understand"

It wasn't really Wonwoo's birthday yet, but his girlfriend wanted to surprise him that's why the dinner will be held before his actual birthday so he won't get suspicious.

When Soonyoung saw Joshua arrive alone, he immediately texted you thinking you were arriving with Joshua but he didn't get a reply so he turns to his friend to ask your whereabouts

"I thought Y/N was coming with you?"

"I offered to pick her up but she still has a meeting" Joshua explains, "But she'll come right?"

"Mhm, told her to text me if she needs me to fetch her" he tells Soonyoung.

Soonyoung just nods his head at Joshua before joining the others again. The night progressed smoothly, everyone was having fun and bonding over food and drinks. There really isn't any chance of boredom when all the guys are together.

Joshua's still distracted though, he kept on checking his phone or looking over the front door. A few of his friends noticed this but didn't comment on it. They also noticed your absence, some putting two and two together like Soonyoung, Dokyeom and Mingyu who you were with on your last beach trip.

Joshua has always been honest about his interest towards you. He never denied it. Whenever he's asked about you, he fights the smile to not raise any suspicion but sometimes he can't help it. One mention of your name and the butterflies in his stomach is rioting. Acting nonchalant is as hard as keeping his secret a secret.

He was in the kitchen when you arrived, talking with Seungcheol and Seungkwan. You greeted everyone in the living room, scanning the room for your boyfriend but you didn't see him.

"Hey Wonwoo, sorry I'm late. Happy advance birthday" You greet him, giving him a quick hug. "Sorry I didn't bring anything"

"No worries, it's good. And don't fret about it, I knew you were busy with work. There's still food in the kitchen if you want, you probably haven't eaten yet"

And he's right, but right now you need a moment of silence. "Sure thank you, I'm just going to the restroom real quick"

You excuse yourself then went the hallway, the house is familiar to you since you've been here multiple times when you hang out together.

Wonwoo then walks to the kitchen to see some of his friends laughing and having fun, "Hey, where's the sandwich we saved for Y/N" he asks

Joshua looks over at Wonwoo at the mention of your name, "Here, I set it here. Did she arrive already?"

"Yea, she just went to the restroom. Anyways do you guys want anything else?"

Joshua stayed for a few more minutes in the kitchen waiting for you but then you're taking too long and it's worrying him.

He excuses himself and walked down the hall, checking the vacant rooms until he found one with the light on. He knocks before walking inside the office, he sees the light in the bathroom open so he walks there and knock again

"Just a moment" he heard you say from the other side

"It's me" he answers, a few seconds passed before he hears the lock click and the door open revealing you with teary eyes.

He didn't even get to say anything because you immediately buried yourself on his chest, "Hey, are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?" he asks, very worried but he didn't want to push you to talk when you don't want to. He just wanted to know if you're okay.

You just shake your head and sob harder. You were having the worst day ever and you just couldn't hold it together any longer. You thought you could but you were too tired and too frustrated that the tears just started to stream down your face.

Joshua just lets you be, hugging you even closer. His arms going around you as if he's shielding you from everything.

"Hey, I'm here. It's okay now, you're okay" he kept on mumbling against your hair, saying comforting words to you

"I was just having the worst day ever, sorry" you mumble

"No need to say sorry about that, baby. It's valid, what you're feeling is valid. You never have to apologize about that, especially not to me. Not ever"

You're calmer now and the tears have stopped, Joshua definitely helped to calm down the chaos in your mind.

You wipe the tears with the back of your hand, leaning your face away from your boyfriend but staying in his embrace. He looks down at you, heart breaking at the sight of your tear stained face.

He wipes the few tears remaining, giving you the most gentle smile

"We can go home now if you want" he whispers but you shake your head

"I just needed a moment, I'll be okay and you're here now"

"You should've called me, I could've picked you up if you weren't feeling okay" he tells you

"I didn't want to ruin tonight" "Nonsense, you come first always. You're my number one priority" he shushes you

"When you're having a shitty day, you tell me okay? Wherever you are, I'll come and get you. I want to be the one you call, okay?"

You look at him, not saying anything back. You really did hit the jackpot when you met him. You always tell him you regret meeting him too late, feeling like you wasted so many years but then Joshua assures you again and again. Telling you that you didn't meet him late, you met him at the right moment, right when you needed him the most.

And he's right. Ever since he came into your life, everything is better. Even your worst days are better when he's with you.

"Now, let's go get some food in you. I know you haven't eaten dinner yet, I saved you your favorite sandwich. If you want anything else we can get it later"

"You really love me huh" you chuckle at him

Seeing you smile eased Joshua's mind. At least you're not crying anymore. He's not sure what he'd do if he sees you cry like that again, he might show up at your office and give your boss a piece of his mind if he ever sees you breaking down like that again.

"I do, I have for years now. Thank you for noticing" he jokes back

You giggle, standing on your tiptoe and throwing your arms around him again. "Thank you, Shua. For being there for me always, for not asking questions when I'm stressed but knowing the answers anyways"

He smiles while hearing your words, hugging you tighter. "I'm not going anywhere, love. I'll be right here" he tells you, kissing the side of your head like sealing another promise he made to you.

You stay like that for a while, not noticing the two figures standing by the door, "Should I ask..." Dokyeom asks Soonyoung

"They're hugging, I'm seeing this right. Right?"

"They're definitely hugging"

The two share a look then look at you and Joshua again, still oblivious about your friends observing the sweet moment you were having with your boyfriend.

"Should we tell them.. should we say something..." Soonyoung asks but Dokyeom shakes his head, hurriedly pulling him away and back to the main room

"Let's let them be. What if he just asked her out or what if they're finally admitting they like each other???"

"Who like each other?" Jeonghan asks

"Y/N and Joshua"

"Huh? Why would you say they like each other?" Seungcheol asks

"Everyone knows they like each other?" Dokyeon asks back

"Huh? I thought they were together already" the youngest say, catching the attention of his hyungs

"What?" Soonyoung asks, "Yea I saw them out one time, they were holding hands and all that. Joshua hyung even kissed her on the cheek. Oh and one time when I went over at hyung's he had like girl stuff in his apartment" Dino explains

"How did you know it's Y/N stuff?" Dokyeom asks "Because she was there, she was surprised to see me but she said she was just getting something she left at hyung's car. I never said anything because they never said anything" he shrugs, some of the guys surprised at hearing all of this

The rest share looks then it was chaos, Soonyoung shouting the loudest

"YAH KIM MINGYU YOU OWE ME $50!"

[justporo]

Lost between the covers

When outside a blizzard is raging, there is nothing better than cuddling up with your vampire for a little reading date, right? Well, if you can pick a book to agree on...

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: Written for the "Getting cozy" prompt of the BG3 Winter Holiday challenge. Shortly ago I wrote a little thing about Astarion and books - and then immediately knew I had to write more about it for the fluff challenge. The bad erotica short stories thing was inspired by another post (I'll link if I can find it, if someone has it, please halp, I can't find anything on this hellsite) and also ofc there have been several posts going around on how Astarion is a Drizzt fan.

Pairing: Astarion/GN!Tav (You) Warnings: none Wordcount: 1,4k ~~~

The burning logs crackled in the fireplace while the flames licked on them and flickering warm light filled your living room. Outside a snow storm had been raging the whole day and hadn't stopped even when night had fallen. Wind was howling around the house, and little specks of ice were thrown so hard by the gusts, they made clattering noises against the big living room window.

It didn't bother you at all. You didn’t even spare it any attention at all anymore. The rising and ebbing of the howling wind and the crackling of the fire had become nothing but pleasant background noise.

You were all cosily snuggled up on Astarion's lap, legs swung over his, head on the vampire's shoulder, a blanket wrapped thoroughly around you. The pale elf’s feet were comfortably crossed over each other at the ankles on the floor. His head slightly rested on the crown of yours and he had put his arms lightly around your frame while holding a small leatherbound book he was reading to you from.

The whole scene was just complete and utter bliss - you didn’t remember the last time you had felt such serene peace. Perhaps you never had.

And if you would have asked him, Astarion would have told you very much the same. The vampire might never get used to the feeling of having you close, feeling the warmth of your body slowly seeping into his own as you relaxed into him, fully trusting him. He’d never known or shared this kind of closeness with anyone before.

And he wouldn’t give it up anymore for anything in the world - not even for being able to walk in the sun again.

At first Astarion had made a fuss when you had started to climb on his lap like a cat. But you'd been feeling rather sick for a while now and felt you were entitled to some pampering from your partner. And of course Astarion actually loved that he was that to you: the person you came to because he was your safe haven - not to mention the love of your life. 

But the vampire still had wrestled you off his lap once more while you had pouted.

“Ah ah, patience, my darling. I'm only setting us up so we can stay all neatly cuddled up for the rest of the night,” he'd lectured you and had inclined his head towards you while doing a little bow.

“I don't know, Astarion, you being the one talking about having patience somehow feels cynic to me,” you'd replied and wrapped your arms around you to stay warm.

Astarion's eyes had narrowed dangerously at you, tongue in cheek, before he had turned on his heel and left without another word. You probably had only made him take his sweet time now. With a sigh you had sunk back onto the piece of furniture

He had returned some time later with a stack of different books under his arm, a cup of hot tea for you and some mulled wine for himself.

Astarion had scoffed at first at the premise of drinking “fine wine ruined with spices and fruit, my love - why not immediately make me drink juice with seasoning, ugh.” But then he had started to enjoy it quite quickly.

You scurried to make place for your vampire on the sofa. Then putting the mugs down on the small table beside the couch, the vampire sat down beside you again, balancing books of different size and condition on his legs.

“So, tell me my love, what shall we read?”, he asked cheerfully while you just eyed the stack of books on his lap - they were in your spot.

Astarion looked at you cockily, eyebrows raised, waiting for you to give a response. You just slowly blinked at him. Your brain was mushy and foggy from being sick - you weren't up to make important choices, but you tried to pull yourself together. Astarion was awful at downplaying how excited he seemed to just snuggle up with you on the couch with a book and you surely wanted to indulge him.

“Well, what's on offer?”, you finally asked in response.

Astarion jumped right back into action with a pleased grin: “I'm so glad you asked, my love.”

He lifted up the first one of the books: small, blue, golden lettering on the front and spine. “We have a nice small volume of poetry - the writing is a bit too sappy for my liking, personally, but this poet's been all the rave lately, so I had to form an opinion on that of course.”

“Of course,” you chimed in with a knowing little smile. It was insanely cute to you how much enthusiasm the vampire had for literature.

You had drawn your legs up to sit on them and were now leaning your elbow on your knees, chin in your hand, looking at Astarion who lifted up the next book - a huge, very old looking, leather-bound tome.

“We have one of the most holistic and elaborate accounts of history of our wondrous city of Baldur’s Gate”, the vampire went on, putting on some scholarly demeanour. Gods, he almost reminded you of Gale for a second. You blinked a few times to get that out of your head.

Then you eyed the dusty and crumbly book with a scrunched up nose: “You don’t really want to read that, do you?”

Astarion looked at you in confusion: “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Nerd”, you simply said. “Next!”

The vampire’s red gaze narrowed at you in distaste. He still held up the huge leatherbound chronicles in his hands.

“One comment about how I grew up on the streets and am uncultured, Astarion, and I will bite you!”, you threatened and stuck a finger in his face.

Immediately the pale elf put on a smug grin. “Would be a nice change for once, don’t you think?”, he muttered in a sultry tone while you just rolled your eyes and groaned. “But alright, I understand that the audience may be a little… overwhelmed with this suggestion”, he continued in one of his insufferable ways and went to carefully place down the huge tome on the wooden floor.

You still felt like you had been made fun of but you let it slide for now.

“Alright, next up we have this titillating collection of obnoxiously bad erotica short stories,” Astarion continued and lifted up a much smaller book again - this one bound in linen in a deep red colour. The vampire was back at grinning lewdly at you, one eyebrow lifted high.

“Is this where you got all your lines from?”, you asked dryly.

Astarion’s expression immediately turned sour. “Alright, we’re not reading this one”, he said in a flat tone, glowering angrily at you. He threw the book over his shoulder and heard how it clattered to the ground - always so dramatic.

Meanwhile you had started cackling so much you had to bury your face in your hand for a moment. Under his breath you heard Astarion mutter something about why he hadn’t “just chosen about anyone else to manipulate and end up with”.

Quickly, you went to lean forward and grab his face to cherish it with a kiss. Despite his still disgusted face the pale elf welcomed the loving attention. When you pulled away you kept holding his face in your hands: “You’re stuck with me, love.”

“Good thing, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else then”, Astarion replied and leaned in again for another kiss.

Afterwards,sitting up straight again, Astarion sighed dreamily while his eyes lingered on you.

“What’s the last one?”, you asked after a while of the vampire seemingly just getting lost in your eyes.

“Hm?” he made, raising his eyebrows. Then he shook his head softly to focus again while you grinned to yourself knowingly.

Astarion lifted up the last pick in his stack of books he’d brought: “Well, the last one is another adventurous tale of Drizzt Do’Urden.”

Your head perked up when you heard that.

Astarion had introduced you to the legendary tales of Drizzt a while ago now and despite brushing it off at first you had gotten seriously into the stories. And another one of those stories sounded just about right for a stormy winter night and for cuddling up for the rest of the night.

Eagerly, you climbed on Astarion’s lap without any other responses. The vampire just laughed while he allowed you to cosy up to him and finally sealed the deal by putting an arm around you, with his other hand opening up the book already.

“Alright, looks like we have a winner”, he mused playfully and dragged you in a little closer on his lap so he could press another kiss to the top of your head.

Tag list: @spacebarbarianweird @sunfire-ancunin @tragedybunny @dependsonthedream @tallymonster @magazzne @micropoe10 @aoirohi @my-bunny-prince @lumienyx @fayeriess @darlingxdragon

[frownyalfred]

i LOVED the new eye in the sky chap! of course, you have the soul-crushing rage-inducing angst pile on bruce's end, but i also really appreciated the duke-hal moment; he's so level-headed about the situation that you don't really build up too much stress over him, but then you brought in a different kind of heartbreak with the realization that he's been in this position enough times to know that the least provoking thing he can do is to do nothing at all.

and the FUTURESPEAKING jesus CHRIST — it’s a different type, but your time manipulation fuckery is almost equally as hard to wrap your head around as the stuff in tenet (the nolan movie), it's genuinely so impressive. (sorry, i'm just gonna run my mouth here for a minute, but the idea really caught me and now i Have to share all my thoughts just to get them out of my brain, though i hope that you'll be generous enough to weigh in as well😅) i'd imagine that there's actually relatively very few people, in-universe, who can do this so that duke hears it correctly, because you have to be able to focus your mind and put enough intent into the idea that you're about to say something that it "registers" as the imminent future—which means that you have to, at the same time, be completely repressing your knowledge that you're NOT going to actually vocalize whatever it is, because that intention would obviously counteract the first. and THEN, to make what's already quite a tough mental exercise even more impressive, bruce is: thinking of a futurespeak-response, putting enough focus/intent behind it for that future to crystallize (and again, it's a double-headed task, because of the repression required as well), and then cutting that off in order to think of and say something completely different, *all in about just the same amount of time a normal person would take to respond naturally in a conversation.* (also, slightly less mind-boggling but still quite impressive to me and i want to give him his props: duke, in that last bit at the end at least, is maintaining both his awareness in the present and the mental effort of using his powers to see the future, in order to hear the exact same voice say two different things at the same time, and is able to not only maintain the background effort needed to hear both things, but is taking in enough detail to see/hear/notice "both" bruces' tone and body language. ...i mean, maybe that's not so impressive to people without auditory processing issues lmao, but as someone who's constantly asking people to repeat themselves, or really having to focus on the sounds when somebody's speaking to me, even in one-on-one conversations, it certainly impressed me!)

anyways, yeah, this just inspired a lot of interesting trains of thought for me and i wanted to share lol. your fics are always such great reads, can't wait for your next update! Hope you're well💜

Thank you so much!!!! You absolutely nailed what I was trying to get at with Duke’s powers. I really didn’t want over explain it and have people roll their eyes, but I also didn’t want to leave readers mystified as to what he was doing.

Duke and Bruce are supremely well matched in this fic for that reason among many others — Bruce has a freaky brain and understands time/intention well enough to be able to think, speak, and re-speak that quickly.

He can compartmentalize like no one else. I am not obviously that smart, but the way I thought about it was playing competing melodies on the piano with two different hands - once you find the rhythm, the way they work off each other, you can maintain both easily. Where they gap, where they overlap, where they compete for your attention.

Duke is good at glimpsing a few seconds forward/back but definitely not for long periods. Like Bruce said, he’s going to need help to train that and avoid burning himself out! Luckily he’s just listening and not double speaking like Bruce is.

Someone on ao3 left me this in the comment section and they’re so right lol:

I feel bad for Hal, just a little, just like Duke does. He was tortured by Kal essentially, and where he does want to hurt Bruce (a lot) there are still some lines he won’t cross. I don’t know if that makes him redeemable or just not entirely beyond redemption. I think Bruce seems to know this too — teasing him with that moral code he used to hold so tightly to.

It was definitely a fun space to play around in! Writing this fic is difficult for me (agh worldbuilding) but whenever I try I’m pleasantly surprised by how much fun I have. Thank you so much for reading!!

[hiwelcometothemonstersancturary]

You stare at your old nokia phone as the ambulance ride goes. You hear the nurses wrapping proper bandages around Kissy's scratched arm, the big toy trying to be as calm as possible. Poppy encouraged her, clapping her tiny hands to signal that Kissy did an excellent job. You smiled and nodded, trying to ignore the police chief sitting right next to you.

He was quietly reading the documentation you brought from the deeper parts of Playtime Co. You thought about thanking the Prototype for coming up with the idea, then went back to staring at your phone.

Finally, you dialed your mother's number, each beep making you more anxious than the last. Then, finally...

"MY SWEET ANGEL!", she screamed in portuguese in the other side of the line. "Where have you been?! You dissapeared for a whole week, what happened?"

Poppy stared at you, hearing your mother's screams.

"Well, mom...", you muttered, also in portuguese. "It's, uh... Complicated".

"Oh, I bet it is! Where have you been?"

You made a funny face, nervous. "Remember when I worked at Playtime Co...? I received a letter and, uh, decided to visit the factory. Got trapped inside".

"For a week?"

"For a week", you confirm. "... You said you wanted grandchildren, right?"

"What does that have to do with this? Are you hurt? Where are you?"

"Mom, answer the question".

You could feel her rolling her eyes in the other line: "You know well I do, but your brother already gave us two".

"Well, I have good news regarding that", Poppy's eyes went wide and she blinked. You simply stared at her and tried to give her the best of your smiles: "I adopted some kids".

"What?"

"What do you think about 80 grandkids? Is that enough?"

"Stop making jokes, boy! I'm your mother! W-where are you?"

"Why don't you go to the hospital? I'm heading there. I'm in an ambulance right at the moment, some of the kids are really hurt and need urgent care, and I'm the only adult they have. Guess I'll also need some patching up as well...".

"There were children inside the factory?"

"A fucking lot", you agree. "They're mine now".

Poppy's eyes started to become teary. The chief right next to you gave you a strange look before re-reading the document in his hands, baffled. Maybe he was going to vomit again? Or maybe he thought you were going mad. It didn't matter much now.

"... Angel", your mother called. "What were they doing there?"

"They were abandoned. Left to die. I think most of them were starving before I arrived", you continued. "They're pretty hurt. I know one is going to have urgent surgery. I don't know how much I can tell you, the cops are also here and I, uhm, don't know what needs to be kept a secret or not. Can you and dad just please come over the hospital and help me a bit?"

Your voice was weak, and you stopped looking at Poppy as reality sank around you. God, they were all just children. Your kids now, you guessed, but you would rather have never met them if it meant they would have never become toys in the first place.

"We're already heading over there", your mother firmly told you. "You hang in there, I'm calling your brother and aunt".

"Let me call him", you asked. "You call aunt before she kills me for dissapearing".

"Okay".

You waited. Your mom did as well.

"Are you alright?", she finally asked, again. You stare at your dirty and bloody hands.

"I didn't lose any body parts, if that's what you want to know", you reassure her. "I'm just tired, hungry and dirty. Could have been worse".

"I'm glad it's not", you could hear someone else in the line. Your mother sighed. "We'll talk more later, okay? I love you. Please don't die while we're on our way there".

"Can't promise that".

"Angel".

"Fine, mom. An ugly vase is hard to break, remember? See you soon. Bye".

You put your phone aside. Poppy's gaze had never left you, and now Kissy was waiting for what you were going to say as well. The two nurses were still working on patching her up as you gently put Poppy on your lap.

"Angel", she called. "Did you just refer to us as your children?"

"I wasn't lying", you quickly answer. "And didn't you just call me dad a few moments ago?"

"I-I... I did".

The doll gives you a hug, and you give one back before gently swiping off the tears forming in the corners of her too-realistic eyes. "Look, Pop, I'm never going to be a good parent for either one of you. I'm all grumpy and hopeless, and you need better than that. But I did promise I would do my best, and that's what I'll try to do. You don't have to pretend to be my daughter, anyways. I'll just be your legal guardian".

"...", was her response, before she readjusted herself to be more comfy on your lap. "I think I prefer having you as my parent rather than just a guardian, Angel. But it's not fair. I already took too many of your choices away from you, I-I don't want this to just be another one of them".

"Shoosh, Pop", you pat her head. "I made that choice long before you tried to stop me from talking to the Prototype. I'll be here to bother you and the others for as long as possible".

Poppy giggled, closing her still teary eyes.

"I'm glad, then", she mutters, ignoring the confused cop sitting next to you. "That you chose to be our... Parent".

You smile, and she understands you're glad as well.

"Now, go to back to sleep. I'll wake you up when we arrive at the hospital", you eye Kissy. "Or if your sister needs some encouragement".

The bigger toy's smile seems to be genuine.

[heresthestorymorningglory]

Safe

Summary: Home Sweet Home.

A/N: Listen y'all this NSFW 18+ should be par for the course at this point. So like….just don’t okay?

As always, the inspo is thanks to the Goosecord and my beautiful partner in crime @ken-dom who continues to inspire the Gosling drabbles daily.

Bless you my new found chosen sister for putting up with my antics! (Yes I copy pasted, yes it’s still valid don’t come for me)

This is a continuation of what I’ve affectionately titled the Nurse Series, read previous parts  here.

Enjoy my loves! <3

The next morning, unsurprisingly came without incident. You sighed heavily, dropping your spoon into your empty cereal bowl. 

“Court, come on, you promised” 

He shook his head almost immediately “I don’t make promises” he muttered before pulling himself to his feet. 

You sighed leaning your head back as you groaned “Court, come on,” Your eyes followed him as he walked across the kitchen, dropping dirty dishes in the sink before coming to a halt behind your chair; his pensive expression fixed on his face. 

You looked upside down at him from your place at the table, but didn’t ask again, instead you huffed with irritation. 

He broke eye contact first, walking back toward the bedroom and you called after him “Today” 

Again, you got no response, so you pulled yourself to your feet and stalked after him, stopping abruptly when he re-emerged from the bedroom.

“Today” you repeated 

A hand pressed on his firm chest, keeping him from avoiding you further.

“Court” you locked eyes with him waiting for a response 

His eyes focused on you, not speaking, but you stood your ground and waited. 

Finally he nodded, but not without a heavy sigh. “Fine”

***

You hadn't been home more than twenty minutes before Court had you in the backyard running drills. It had been over an hour. 

You landed hard on your back with a gasp before he blocked out the sun looming over you. 

“Again” 

You stayed lying in the grass having already ended up there half a dozen times. Court extended a hand as you sighed, taking it as he heaved you back up on your feet like you were no heavier than a Barbie doll. 

“I can't do this” you breathed hard looking down at your feet. 

“You can,” he disagreed “You have to”

You wanted to argue, you knew you couldn't, but you were already starting to feel defeated. 

“I'm never going to get the upper hand on you, you're so much bigger than I am”

“Size doesn't matter”

You dropped your arms looking up at him with a raised eyebrow “You can't be serious”

“I am” he nodded “You just have to know the weak spots”

“I can think of one if you're going to be a smart ass” you retorted “It'll bring you down to my level real quick”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “Won't do much good if he grabs you from behind”

As if to prove his point, his arms wrapped around your entire frame pinning your arms to your chest. 

You struggled to get free and Six only held on to you tighter. 

“Stop” his voice was low next to your ear, his breathing low and even. 

You stopped struggling and closed your eyes letting a breath out through your nose. 

“You can get out” he whispered making you shiver

“How's that?” You asked softly

“Turn your palms down, then all at once, throw your hands down and your hips back” 

You did as he said and felt his grip come loose as you dropped to your knees. You couldn't help smiling as you got to your feet turning around. 

“Good; don't ever turn your back on Lloyd”

“I learned that the hard way”

“Shoot first, or you won't get another chance”

“And what if I don't have a gun?” You reasoned

“You will” 

“And if I don't?”

“Then you swing, and if you land a blow, you don't stop,” he answered, squaring up in front of you. “Understand? I don't care how tired you get, and you will get tired; you keep swinging 

You held your arms up fist clenched and watched him study your stance. 

He kicked your foot out a little further, making it wider. “Think about standing on a moving train, the further apart your feet are the better your balance” 

You nodded, for whatever reason your heart was slamming in your chest. 

“Your non dominant hand is always going to be up, protect your face” 

You nodded taking in a shaky breath

“Always block with your arm or your shoulder if you can”

Another slow nod as you ran your tongue between your lips

“Aim for his jaw, here” his fist touching gently just under your chin. “Make him bite his tongue”

You swallowed hard as he continued “If he leaves his nose open, you break it. You either punch straight and you hit right here” 

Again, the knuckles of his fist stopping just shy this time of the bridge of your yellowing nose. 

“Or you take this part of your hand,” he continued pointing to the heel “And you thrust up as hard and as fast as you can”

Suddenly the memory of the sickening crunch of your own nose as it shattered under Lloyd’s identical assault came flooding back as an unexpected stream of tears fell and you gasped suddenly feeling dizzy. 

Court’s quick reflexes caught you before you could land in a heap. 

You sobbed, clinging to him as he sank to his knees in the grass. 

He knew he probably shouldn't have pushed you this hard this fast but not having the security of the safe house anymore made him nervous. 

He knew you hadn't had a chance to process what had happened, not really. Every time he had asked, you had said you were fine. He knew it would only be a matter of time before it sank in. 

He pulled you closer, tucking your head under his chin, arms wrapping tightly around you. 

“It's alright,” he whispered as your body shuddered underneath him. 

He closed his eyes as you screamed with hiccuping sobs; your fingernails digging into the flesh of his forearm where you were still gripping tightly. 

“You're safe” 

This caught your attention. He shifted as you pulled back looking at him. Your glassy eyes searching his face. 

“I'm scared” you whispered, so quietly he has barely heard. Fresh tears slipping down your cheeks. 

He just silently wiped the tears from your face and you swallowed hard. 

“Aren't you scared?” You asked and before he could answer you carried on “Of course you're not”

“Wrong” he interjected. “I am scared, but that's why we're doing this. Lloyd will never get the upper hand on you again”

“You don't know that” 

“I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure he doesn't”

“I…” you started and he cut you off 

“Will be prepared next time”

“Next time?” You asked and he nodded 

“Lloyd will come back, we just don't know when”

You sniffed before pulling yourself to your feet as he followed suit, tossing you a pair of gloves to pull on as he picked up the sparring pads. 

“As many as you can,” he said simply “Go’ 

His feet stayed planted as you landed blow after blow, but sooner than you liked, you started to get winded. 

Six picked up on this almost immediately. 

“Keep going,” he pressed

You shook your head but your hands kept moving “I- I can't…” 

“You can,” he encouraged “You will, because Lloyd won't stop” 

He staggered when your next blow landed harder than he anticipated but quickly regained his footing. 

“That's my girl” he muttered, not missing the small smile that tugged at your lips. 

You landed a handful more punches before you dropped your arms, your face flushed and panting. 

Six dropped the sparring pads at his feet before stepping forward, wrapping you in a tight hug. 

You twisted in his hold shaking your head in protest 

“Don't, I'm all sweaty” 

Six ignored you completely, taking your face in both hands before kissing you so deeply you grabbed his waist instinctively as you lost your footing; moaning unintentionally into his mouth. 

He pulled back after thoroughly exploring your mouth with his tongue. 

Your fingers curled slightly on his waist, a small whine coming from the back of your throat as your head swam in a fog, much like that first night he had kissed you in your living room. 

“Jesus,” you whispered “If you had kissed me like that in the safe house I probably would have stayed a year”

He laughed kissing the top of your head “Guess I should have thought about that sooner”

“What was that for?” You laughed lightly

“Just haven't in awhile”

He swept your legs out from under you, scooping you into his arms bridal style and carried you towards the house. 

You pulled the velcro closure on the back of one of your fingerless gloves. 

“Leave them”

You tipped your head curiously with a smirk. “You got a glove kink I don't know about?”

He didn't answer, just winked as he carried you over the threshold into the kitchen. 

Your breath unintentionally caught in your throat and you instinctively wrapped your arms tighter around Six's shoulders. 

“You're alright,” he spoke gently “He's not here, no one is here” 

You closed your eyes, leaning against his shoulder, face buried in his neck; his hand rubbing soothingly up and down your back. 

“Deep breath” he whispered, carrying you to the living room before setting you back on your feet. 

Your arms stayed firmly locked around his neck, worried if you let go you would drop. “I hate this” you muttered letting out a shaky breath; letting his scent fill you with comfort. 

“I’ve got you” 

His arms wrapping around your comparatively small frame as your emotions finally got the best of you. He let out a heavy sigh, making a mental note to snap Lloyd’s fingers off one by one, as your frame shook against him, gut wrenching sobs of fear violently wracking your entire body. 

He didn’t speak, just held you tightly, feeling your fingernails sink into the flesh of his back, as if he would vanish the second you let go. You pulled back just slightly taking in gulps of air “I’m going to be sick” you breathed before flying down the hallway; Six followed close behind as you dropped to your knees on the tiled floor. He slid behind you, holding the strands of hair not held back by your ponytail off your face as you heaved nothing but bile, you hadn’t eaten properly in days and Six felt responsible for that too. 

You gave up after a few more painful heaves, pulling yourself up from the floor and turning to face him where he stood offering you a towel. 

“Thanks” you muttered, wiping away a stray tear from your cheek. 

He didn’t speak, just put the lid of the toilet seat down before sitting you on top. You didn’t argue, just watched as he put the stopper in the tub and turned on the hot water 

“Court-” you started before he shushed you gently pulling you back to your feet. 

“Up” he motioned to your arms and you sighed complying, too drained to argue 

He lifted your shirt gently over your head before you dropped your arms back to your sides as he checked your bandages; most of the minor cuts had healed almost completely, the bruises were an ugly yellow colour, but there were a couple wounds that were stubborn. 

Hooking his thumbs in the waist of your yoga pants, he slid them down your legs, along with your underwear, careful of the gash on your thigh as he sank to knees. You used his shoulder for balance as you stepped out of your pants, and he tugged your socks off before he stood back to his full height. 

He reached behind you, gently tugging your elastic from your hair and tossing it on the bathroom counter before offering you a hand to help you into the still filling clawfoot tub. 

You turned to face him once you were standing solidly on porcelain. 

“Join me?” You asked, your voice barely a whisper as he released your hand as he shed his own clothes before stepping in behind you, you nestled comfortably against his chest as he reached to turn off the tap, the water already dangerously close to overflowing onto the bathroom floor. 

You sighed deeply, letting the hot water relax the tension that seemed to thread through your entire body leaning back against Six’s shoulder, letting your eyes slipped closed as his hands washed away the dirt and grime, and memories of the last few days. Days, it had been mere days since the beginning of all of this, it had felt like a lifetime ago. 

He took his time, and was quiet, his steady breathing keeping you grounded as he rinsed the shampoo and then conditioner from your hair. Only after the water had started to run cool, he kissed your shoulder gently before climbing out of the tub and wrapping a towel around his waist before offering you a hand to climb back out yourself, wrapping you in your favourite fluffy towel before lifting you off your feet; normally you would make some sarcastic comment about how you were capable of walking up a flight of stairs, but tonight you leaned quietly against his chest, letting him carry you upstairs to the bedroom you missed more than you had realized. 

When he set you back on your feet, you sat at your vanity catching his reflection in the mirror, his hand extended, waiting for your hairbrush. You made eye contact with his reflection “You can’t be-”

“Shhh” he put a finger to his lips, taking the brush from your hand and slowly running it through your quickly drying hair. 

Once he was finished, you took the brush back, setting it on your vanity before standing and turning to face him. 

“Can I speak now?” you asked softly, closing the short distance between you, reaching to tease his still wet hair. 

“Depends” he smirked

“I love you” 

He shrugged, hands resting on your waist, disappearing in the fluffy fibres of your towel “I guess I’ve got a thing for you too” 

You pouted, attempting to pull out of his grip, only to be unsuccessful as he held on tighter; pulling you flush against him before leaning his forehead against yours. “I love you too”  No hint of amusement in his features before his lips sealed over yours gently. 

That familiar heat stirring in your core as his tongue tangled with yours. His hands reaching between you, his languid kiss uninterrupted as you felt the towel wrapped around you disappear; his warm, naked form pushing flush against your own as you fell back on the plush blankets of your bed. 

You shifted as the mattress sank under his weight, he climbed on top of you, kneeling between your spread legs; one hand braced on the mattress to support himself, the other cupping your face, a calloused thumb gently stroking your cheek before he finally broke your kiss. 

You breathed heavy over his head as he kissed and sucked gently on your warm neck, you gasped softly as your pulse raced against his lips. He kissed lower, your fingers sliding through thick strands of his damp blond hair. 

You arched into his touch, moaning quietly as his tongue slid slowly over the peak of your nipple, first one, then the other. One hand sliding slowly up the length of your hip coming to rest on your pelvis as his head dipped lower, kissing a trail over the curve of your stomach as he listened to you take in a shaky breath. 

The fingers of his free hand, teasing your folds; you writhed over him, fingers tugging gently on his hair as you bent your knees to dig your heels into the blankets. His strong hand pinning your hips in place. 

His warm breath on your centre made you whine with need; before you could speak your thoughts, he sucked your clit into his mouth while simultaneously sliding his middle finger inside. 

Your grip in his hair getting tighter still as your hips bucked forward as much as he would allow as you cried out.

Almost as quickly as he had started, he stopped, releasing you from his mouth, sliding his finger out from inside you slowly, before bringing it to his own lips, sucking it clean. 

You pulled him back on top of you, your mouth finding his, tasting yourself on his tongue. He moaned against your lips as his hard cock pressed against the inside of your thigh briefly before he reached between you, guiding the head to your entrance. 

You wrapped your arms around his back, fingers curling against his flexing shoulder blades as he slowly sank deeper inside you, breaking your kiss to groan against your neck as your walls clenched around his shaft. 

You moaned next to his ear, as his hips rocked slowly, moving you together on the bed as you hooked one ankle around the small of his back. 

Neither of you spoke, nothing but heavy breathing, occasional moans and the soft squeak of the mattress underneath you filled the room. 

It had been so long, that within a matter of minutes you were gripping his shoulders a little tighter, breathing a little harder, a single whine was all the indication he needed, his hips picking up speed, just slightly, but it was enough. You crushed your lips against his, moaning into his mouth, back arching off the mattress before your legs squeezed tighter around his middle, your orgasm washing over you in one massive wave of pleasure. 

Your walls clenched and quivered around his hard shaft, his moans mixing with yours as he filled you with his own release. Your breath caught in your throat as he slid from inside you, landing heavily in the empty space next to you. 

You immediately found your place on his bare chest, his heart thudding heavily in your ear as he pulled the blanket you had kicked to the foot of the bed up around you; an arm wrapping around you protectively as he kissed you gently.  You sighed, your eyes closing as you sighed satisfied, letting yourself relax. This was safe. He was safe.

[sirthisisa-wendys]

I’ve once again been thinking thots.

Draken and the reader reunite after the reader returns from a long work trip. Reader was talking big shit/flirting heavy through texts prior to heading home (she may have sent a nude or two). He can’t keep his hands off of her once she arrives. Practically fucks her against the front door, but they eventually make their way somewhere in their shared home and he blows her back out.🤣

Yes yes yes yes THINKS THESE THOTS

Hot Stuff: Ken Ryuguji x Fem!Reader

wc: 1.7k

tw: NSFW, reader isn't making it out of this one without a back brace, sorry

masterlist

On my way home.

You send the message without much thought, settling into the back of the Uber and tucking your phone into your jacket. Almost as soon as you send it, your phone vibrates, as well as your watch.

You look down at your wrist and read the message. You re-read the message, and the stirring in your gut gets stronger.

Hope you caught some sleep on the plane because I don't have any plans to let you rest.

You want to lean over and tell the driver to speed up, but you know he'd ask why and you'd be at a loss for what to say. Would you admit that you'd been teasing your husband all week with flirtatious messages, scandalous videos, and what could be called a deluge of sexy photos?

I don't have any plans to let you rest

The Uber comes to a stop in front of your house, and you consider waiting in the car to see how long it would take Draken to come out and get you. But the answer to your speculative question is "no time" because the door to your house opens almost immediately.

"Hey," you smile, grabbing your bag from the seat beside you and hoisting it over your shoulder. Draken takes the bag from your shoulder and smiles at the Uber driver before ushering you into the house silently.

"Everything okay?" you wonder when you step inside, and Draken tosses your bag aside before turning and pressing you against the door. What begins with a gentle movement - just a simple hand caressing your jaw as he hovers over you - becomes hungry and feverish, with his hips grinding into yours.

"Everything's fine," he replies, leaning down a little. The kiss starts off slow and sensual like most kisses are between the two of you. "Couldn't wait for you to get home," Draken breathes between kisses. "You drove me crazy this week."

"Did I?" you tease, wrapping your arms around his neck. Draken hums his response while his cock hardens, the obvious sign pressing into your thigh.

Draken stops kissing you to nip at your earlobe, and you feel his fingers pulling your legs around his waist. "You know I want you." His heady whispers make shivers roll down your spine. You're left hovering in the space between the closed door and Draken as he pushes down his pajama pants with one hand.

"Commando?" you chuckle at the feeling of his cockhead bobbing against your leg. Draken huffs and smirks, shrugging.

"Gotta get it as soon as possible, babe." Your leggings come off one leg at a time, and once they're peeled away from your skin, his hands paw eagerly at your shirt. Your sports bra is pushed up with it, and when Draken sees your breasts, he can't help but lean forward for a taste.

His hands move to your ass, where your thong is still hanging on by a thread. Draken's mouth sucks harshly on one nipple, and you gasp, closing your eyes as he sucks it over and over again. You look down at his face and see him looking back up at you, eyes focused with intensity on your gaze.

"Ken," you whimper, but he doesn't let up. His left hand comes up to massage the other breast, plucking at the nipple roughly and rolling it between his fingers. Your mind goes blank as he demonstrates how much he adores your flesh, and every second is pure bliss.

Draken goes from one breast to the other, sucking and flicking his tongue over the nipple while his other hand steadily stimulates your breast. You begin to squirm, hoping Draken would stop beating around the bush and just fuck you already. When he doesn't catch the hint, you whisper,

"I need your cock right now."

It's as if a switch goes off in his head.

His mouth departs from your breast, leaving it cool and wet, while his fingers snake up the length of your leg.

"A little patience goes a long way..."

"Ken," you protest, but his free hand slips past the thong and pushes it aside.

"I should make you beg for it." The wicked look the blonde gives you makes you want to melt, but you have a need that has to be sated.

"If I beg," you begin. "You'll fuck me, right?"

"You're really going to do it?" A finger sinks into your cunt, and you exhale, leaning your head against the door. Draken looks down at you and raises a brow. His finger pumps back and forth, and you shamefully look away, trying not to draw attention to how wet you are. "You gonna beg, princess?"

You gasp, but Draken continues his little game, adding a finger to your already thoroughly prepared cunt. "Oh," Draken muses, his eyelids lowering just a fraction. "You don't need to say anything. Your pussy's talking for you." it's then that you notice - beyond the blood pumping in your ears - that your cunt is actually squelching. Loud.

You bury your face in Draken's chest, and he chuckles, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth. "Let me get you more comfortable. I'm sure you're dying to lay in the bed."

Draken doesn't let you down. In fact, he simply keeps you in that same position and walks toward the bedroom, kissing your warm cheeks and still fucking your pussy with his fingers.

When you land on your back in the bed, you watch Draken's arm extend and continue to stroke your insides. You're not sure if it's the way he looks at you or the way his veiny arm looks in the dim lighting, but the edge of an orgasm approaches.

It's like a slow knife through cold butter - the feeling, that is - and every second feels like a minute or more with the way Draken is teasing your orgasm out of you. His chain hovers mere centimeters from your face, the gold links shuddering with each movement of his hand.

And you're suspended in limbo, gripping his free arm tight in your hand. As you pant and moan, Draken's mouth opens slightly, and you can see the dare to cum written all over his face.

"Do it," his voice chants in your mind. "Cum all over my hand, baby," Draken adds in real-time, and your legs quiver.

"C-cant--!" Draken seems to understand the crux of the issue and reaches down to pay with your clit.

"Like that?" The cheeky bastard. You cum almost instantly, clenching around his fingers and shouting his name at the same time. Draken doesn't let a second pass between your orgasm and pushing his cock into you. It's raw, it's lusty, and the only way you can keep some semblance of your composure is to bite down on your lip and squeeze your legs around him.

"Don't want the neighbors to hear us, huh?" he murmurs, kissing your cheek again and licking down your neck. "I don't know how much help I'm going to be tonight, then."

"Please, Ken," you whine. "Please, please."

Draken responds by going faster, pumping his hips into yours with so much force that the bed shakes. You reach down to play with your clit at the same time, and Draken doesn't knock your hand away. He simply presses your other hand around his neck and latches it onto his braid.

When you pull on it, he groans loudly. It's almost as loud as a roar, and the thought of your neighbors hearing - though they're in the house next door - makes you pull even harder.

"You want them to hear?" Draken cries out, lifting off of you and gripping your hips in his hands. You nod, but he's too focused on the sight between your legs to catch it. "Needed this pussy all damn week," he grumbles. "Sending me pictures n' shit..." Your pussy responds to him with just as much need, and the sounds of your flesh smacking together drives you insane. "You lost your fucking mind on that trip." Finally, Draken looks back up at you, his mouth set in a hard line as his cock throbs viciously inside of you. "I'm gonna help you find it, though." He pulls out of you, and you instinctively turn over onto your stomach, placing your ass in the air.

"No." His hands turn you to the side, and he lifts your leg in the air. "This way." When Draken enters you, you scramble to find purchase somewhere that's not his rock-hard stomach. "Give me two minutes right here. I'm trying to see something." A tongue swirls around your toes, and you gasp loudly, looking over as Draken's mouth sucks on your toes.

"Holy fu--" He hums around them, and suddenly, you're not in your body at all. You feel like you're outside of yourself, watching something from afar. It still feels good, it still feels pleasurable, amazing even.

Only when he stops sucking on your toes do you realize you just had another orgasm. "Up." You're hoisted to your feet, and like a baby deer, Draken walks you toward the vertical mirror in the room. He guides your hands to the wall, presses them on both sides of the fixture, spreads your legs with his feet, and then pushes right back into you, getting balls deep with one stroke. You raise onto your tiptoes, and Draken looks at your shared reflection over your shoulder, holding your waist with one arm.

"Look at you," he purrs, smiling. "You look fucked out, just like you should be."

You can barely mumble his name. All you can and want to do is watch yourself get fucked in the mirror, your gaze listless. "You... haven't cum?" you wonder, and Draken shakes his head, still fucking you senseless.

"I'm not cumming until the very end," he huffs, wrapping your hair around his hand. "It's only ten o'clock. I've got an hour and a half to go."

You whimper, but it's not out of fear. You spread your legs even more and bend a little deeper, and Draken grips your hair with a grin.

"Good girl; you get the picture."

[definitelynotshouting]

i literally can't stop rotating hunger au worldbuilding and lore in my head. forgive me if you've ever touched on this in an ask before, but... re: the existential horror of being a parasite that has the sense of self of the host it ate. if one of grian's friends ever did get taken and used as a watcher larva host. how do you think he would feel about the watcher that came out the other side? would he want to see them as still the same person as his friend, or...?

Ive been staring at this ask since i got it with like. I need you to picture the most comically heartbroken expression right now okay. like this is me reading that and thinking about it in great and terrible detail:

Gods he would be devastated if this ever happened. He knows what thats like. He knows just how much it hurts-- and that its not a hurt that can be quantified, because its just that intense, that scalding, that encompassing of an experience to go through. I think, genuinely, Grian would be so utterly horrified and grief-stricken for whichever friend went through the Watcherification process that it would trump every other potential feeling on the list

But i think, ultimately, he would still view them as his friend, and treat them in the same way. There's a little bit of hypocrisy in Grian's character that i enjoy engaging with while writing him, and a good part of that in hunger au is centered around how he's firmly designated himself as the monster, and everybody else is the victim, and theres no room for nuance because he sucks and theyre the only people who are valid. When in reality, yes he hurt them, yes he did terrible and invasive things, but he did them out of pure survival rather than maliciousness, and that does make a subtle difference. And... hes not the only one who has fucked up, either!! The entire point of hunger au is how everyone has fumbled the bag in various ways and now they're all trying to clean it up together. Its just, yknow, Grian is so wrapped up in his own pain that he cant see those grey areas yet

And the thing is, if one of his friends got Watchered™, so to speak, and was standing in front of him, i think he would treat them with SO much compassion. Theyve been through possibly the worst thing anyone can experience and come out the other side-- at his core, Grian is i think a character who wants to do good, and do good by other people, and in this hypothetical that would translate into a lot of kindness he doesnt usually afford for himself. Honestly i think he'd spend the time trying to show them the ropes, get them set up in a better position than he found himself in, and provide his own fumbling emotional support as best he could, just out of sheer solidarity. Like, he gets it. He's been there. He may as well help out.

And i think he wouldnt even realize how hypocritical he's being until someone else pointed it out to him, about how he treats this friend with so much care but is simultaneously cruel to himself. I dont think he'd know how to handle that-- he's sort of dug himself a rut in the road with the way he thinks about and treats himself, and the cognitive dissonance would be really uncomfortable for him. Ultimately a good thing!!! Growth is often very uncomfortable. But imo Grian has a tendency to run from things like feelings of discomfort, so i think it'd take him a while to reconcile his previous ways of thinking with whats being presented in front of him essentially in the form of a mirror.

So uh. tl;dr: he'd be a little hypocrite about it and would feel a lot more compassionately inclined towards the friend than he does himself, and would try to help them out as best he could. Thank you for the incredible question that has given me the opportunity to rotate this worm at even higher speeds than usual inside my brainpan DKNFEKNDSKDJKDKD

[tswwwit]

What are some ideas you have floating around that you don't have any plans on writing but like to entertain as a thought?

Many of them, in fact! Though they sort of vanish from my memory if I don't make a record of them, here's a few ones I jotted down when they came to mind.

For a domestic one: Bill thought he'd hate a lot of being married! Even though he loves Dipper, he thought he'd rebel against the chains of domesticity - and in some ways he still does - but one major benefit he's found is not having to be 'on' all the time.

No need to be perfectly performing all the time! No shoving around for social influence, no intimidation, or clever tricks. No commanding attention or taking up the room. Hell, there's surprisingly little upkeep! Bill can undo his tie and pick his nose and bitch about his day to someone who isn't bending over backwards to agree with him on everything. Someone who doesn't give him a weird look and sneer if he, god forbid, actually wants to sit down, read a book, drop the grin for an hour or two.

The concept in question is Bill's very first moment of great surprise. That when he isn't being the most charming, terrifying, and exciting guy in the universe, and just chilling out for like, five minutes, Dipper comes over and snuggles up to him on the couch, or wraps his arms around his shoulders and kisses the top of his head. And when Bill asks 'what was that for?', Dipper shrugs and goes 'eh, just felt like it'. It's both baffling and extremely compelling.

A short where Reincarnated Dip is Definitely Sure he's Not Gay!!! Especially not for this Hot Demon Man who is getting so close and touchy with him with his big smile and horrible wiles. Yep. Just keeping an eye on him to make sure he's not up to something Nefarious ™.

A discussion between Dipper and Bill where Dipper insists that Bill should understand this, or not do that, because, like. Y'know, Bill's a guy! There are guy things! Making Bill stare at Dipper like he's an idiot. He proceeds to informs Dipper how that's stupid for multiple reasons! First, that Bill's Not Human to begin with, his gender can't be put into a little box! And frankly, he never filled out the paperwork for his original one, come to think of it. Sure, he/him's fine, but c'mon, sapling, thinking of the whole shebang like a binary is dumb as hell. Now Dipper has to do some mental readjustment re: his own issues with masculinity/gender.

[im-gonna-squeet]

Donnie burnout fic

Donnie is exhausted and finds themself unable to do the tings they normally can, and knows one person that can always help.

ao3

Donnie was having a bad day. A bad week– a bad month, even.

None of their projects were going right, their joints were acting up, they couldn't sleep properly, they'd gotten injured on what should've been a fairly easy mission, and now, they hardly had the energy to eat or talk.

It wasn't fair. They could usually work for days or weeks uninterrupted — with the exception of sleep and snack breaks, of course, their siblings wouldn't let them neglect themself like that, and they could never turn down Angelo's cooking — and be fine. They could make anything he wanted. So what was different this time?

What had changed?

Why couldn't they do this?

What was wrong with them? And how could they fix it?

Donnie didn't like change, which made such a drastic pivot in their ability all the more distressing (which, in turn, made them feel worse, feeding the cycle like an ouroboros).

Logically, they knew that rest would be the best thing, and they honestly wanted nothing more than a nap, but they couldn't when they were this stressed because they had so much to do. And none of it was going to get done. Because their stupid brain couldn't just function correctly!

There wasn't even that much to do. They ENJOYED doing these things! What was the point if they couldn't even do the one thing they were good for!?

They slammed their newest failure on the desk, breathing hard.

"shit." They winced and rubbed at their watery eyes under their glasses. Closing their eyes, they tried to even out their breathing, snapping them out of that all too familiar spiral.

This wouldn't help. It would only make it worse. They needed to not be alone right now. So they grabbed their phone and texted the first person they thought of.

ctrl + c

Don-Bon: Cn i cme sit w u?

Don-Bon: yes pls, ly

Nardo: yea im in my room

need a portal?

Nardo: ly2

Moments after that last text was sent, a small, vibrant blue portal opened up right in front of them.

They reflexively lowered their third eyelid to shield themself from the brightness.

Once they stepped through, they saw Leo sitting at the corner of his bed, leaning against the wall with one knee to his chest, controller in hand.

Donnie said nothing as they flopped next to their twin, leaning against him with their legs folded over Leon's, softly butting his head with their own.

Returning the headbutt, Leo reached down and pulled a weighted blanket out from beside his bed, wrapping it around his twin. "You okay, hermana?" he asked, not removing his arm and resting his head on top of Donnie's.

Donnie relaxed, glad to have their twin as company. They hesitated slightly before shaking their head, manifesting a small teleprompter screen in front of them. ‘bad. cant talk rn’, it read.

“ok, that's alright, I'm just gonna finish this game and then we can watch something, yea?” Leo rubbed their arm before removing it to continue gaming.

Donnie nodded, slumping further into Leo's side as they watched him play.

~~~~

After Leo finished his game, the twins wordlessly agreed on watching The Great British Baking Show, calm but still fun. Leo grabbed his laptop with one arm, wrapping the other around Donnie before shimmying them both into a lying position.

From there they shuffled around a little, finding the optimal snuggling position, then positioned the laptop at a comfortable angle for both of them.

"This ok?" Leo asked.

Donnie nodded.

After a few minutes, Leo spoke up again, "wanna talk about it?", he ventured.

Donnie took a breath, fiddling with their hands as they deliberated on how to word it.

The teleprompter re-appeared. 'it feels like nothings going right recently. And logically I KNOW that it's not my fault, but I can't help but blame myself, y’know? Im supposed to be the genius, the one that fixes everything. If I can't do that then what CAN I do?'

Leo took a moment to process the message, absentmindedly running his hands over Donnie’s neck and shell in soothing motions. "Tello I know you find this difficult to believe, but you are absurdly intelligent and so good at so many things, i mean you created ACTUAL, SENTIENT AI and are raising him better than our dad raised us, you're incredible in so many ways but you're working yourself too hard, you're burning the candle at both ends and it's unsustainable. Burnouts like these are going to happen when you do this to yourself.”

And Donnie knew these things, of course they did, but it was really really nice to hear it from someone else, especially someone they cared about so much. 'I know and I want to stop but I don't really know how? like i've been doing this for so long i don't know what else to do'

Reading this, Leo leaned over and kissed Donnie on the head, staying in that position whilst he talked, "im proud of you, Dee, we're all so, so proud of you, and we'll help you figure it out. All of us."

At this Donnie felt the prickling of tears in their eyes as their vision blurred. They didn't try to stop a quiet sob from escaping them, 'I love you'

"Aww, Dee, I love you too" Leo wrapped both of his arms around them, holding them close. They stayed like that for a while, Donnie quietly crying his frustrations into Leo's chest as he softly told them how loved and cherished and valued Donnie is to everyone they know.

And after a while, Donnie calmed, and Leo asked a question he already knew the answer to, "Do you wanna invite Apes over for a movie night tomorrow?"

Donnie nodded, already thinking about what movies to watch and meticulously going over every detail.

"Good, but for now, how about we watch some idiots bake and you can tell me exactly what they're doing wrong?". Donnie grinned, wiping the stray tears from their face as they prepared to make Leo regret ever suggesting that.

reblogs > likes

[prismatoxic]

I know you've been having oc brainrot recently, (which, fucking epic btw I just now found out about those guys and they're really fucking interesting too) I was just wondering if you had anything sitting in your brain about promises to keep specifically, something about them that you just can't stop thinking about? Or a thing you really enjoy about their dynamic? Even something completely unrelated to chilaios that you always think about. I'd rlly love to hear abt what makes you tick!

this is such a nice ask wtf

glad you like the sillies, they fill my brain with worms. but as for ptk and/or chilaios...

i do still rotate ptk in my mind fairly frequently, and was actually re-reading it recently so try and get back into the headspace for it. (i got to chapter 4, i have to get back to it soon.) i do have a variety of disorganized thoughts about it

i've been deliberately drawing out the sex stuff, obviously. to tell you the truth i'm not someone who's beholden to realism; i chose to have them actually work their way up to penetration, and actually realistically negotiate the daddy kink, because i thought it fit the tone of the story and would draw things out in a satisfactory way. it also gives me time to explore the different ways their inexperience manifests, show them learning each other's bodies and desires, and explore chilchuck's view of his own body and his relationship to his gender via sex over a longer period of time.

which brings me to another part i put a lot of thought into--chilchuck's gender! i am a fan of a lot of interpretations of him, both cis and transmasc in ways other than what i've been writing. i have plans for at least one fic where he's post top surgery and on T. but i chose to make him pre-everything in ptk for a few reasons, and i'm honestly really pleased with the portrayal. some things i haven't gotten to mentioning yet are that half-foot names are considered unisex (not a headcanon i always go with, but i am fond of it), and he did voice training after he came out. it was more accessible than, like, hormones, at least back in kahka brud, and then he ended up pregnant anyway which delayed doing anything. eventually he decided he didn't really need any of it, anyway. (sorry to deprive everyone of tdick chilchuck 😔.) i like exploring his dysphoria, where it exists versus the many places where he's moved past it, his relationship to sex as a trans man and his concerns about a gay cis man wanting him... while i do insert some of my own experiences into the narrative, chilchuck's transgenderism does manifest in several ways mine doesn't, and it's really fun to figure out what makes sense for him.

speaking of things that are fun to figure out: worldbuilding!! i was told early on that the casual inclusion of "the dungeon age" as a phrase was a really genius method of suggesting the state of the world without exposition, and it very much went to my head, lmao. i do exposition every so often, but only when someone in the conversation doesn't already have the information. so laios explaining monsters and their history, and chilchuck explaining the social structures around half-foots and the differences between kahka brud and the northern continent, are easy ways to try and build on the world i've made--make readers see my vision--without it seeming too out of place. i do hope i'm doing that well, i worry about it when i'm not being subtle, lmao.

other than that--i've set up several plot threads i intend to follow through on later. i really enjoy calling back to earlier things, big or small, and using them in ways people might not expect. (like chekov's plastic wrap from chapters 3 and 10. sorry, chilchuck.) i also thought of a new one while rereading that i think will slot into the narrative nicely. it's going to be a fun ride!!

i hope any of this was interesting :')

[yooniesim]

I think one of the things that makes it so hard to find new creators (that are free) is how insular paywall/early access cc creators are. I literally can't remember the last time any of them used their massive platforms to support newer creators and they only seem to reblog content that features their own stuff or other creators they're close with. They are literally only concerned about their "brand" instead of actually participating in the community that provides them with their livelihoods. If you're looking for content, you're going directly to these creators first and maybe you'll look through finds blogs if you're more invested. To a point, I understand that's how popularity works, but they could be doing so much more.

Plus, since the early access model is so popular, I do think there's a push for new creators to switch to that. You get an initial burst of engagement when you first post and then another when your content is free, instead of just posting once and getting what you get. Also, I do think there's an unspoken rule that "early access creator" = "professional". So, if you want to be taken seriously, you'll imitate what the "professionals" are doing.

I'm sorry you're discouraged trying to find new creators. It's actually insane how much damage the popularity of paywalling has done to this community.

Hey nonny, thanks for sending this and also for your sympathy! I agree with everything you said, and I'm just gonna ramble a bit in a semi related way.

I think the point you made about professionalism is especially poignant. Creating cc is less a hobby now and more a setup for your own "business". But in this marketplace, there are no standards or regulation whatsoever- and many people here are just bad at what they do in various ways. It seems as if they either have the aesthetic & business model down, but are terrible to their customers and/or make terrible product, or they make a good product but can't quite grasp how to play the "game" to work the system to its full advantage. Sometimes you get people bad at all of it, yet they still charge. Because the only consistent thing about this community at the moment is that everything absolutely has to have a price, no matter how shitty it is. And there's absolutely zero consequence for being a gigantic douche nozzle.

This is a mostly disconnected side note, but when I think about these creators, it's just unbelievably depressing. I have thought about what it would be like to try early access a few times over the years, and honestly even the thought gave me such a burst of anxiety I immediately dismissed it. Just releasing cc for free is sometimes an anxious feeling for me, I just can't imagine having to base a business around it. The thought of possibly disappointing people and not consistently providing a quality product that is worth their money is a shameful thought for me. I have gotten a few $1 donations to my patreon over the years and even then i feel bad for not being able to create cc for a while because of my mental health, and not being better at cc making in general. And yet there's people that provide the most lazy, shit items I've ever seen without blinking. Stuff they never tested that doesn't work in game, two second conversions, no hat chops, no lods, gigantic poly, etc. They don't even know how to make cc and admit to that but still charge. I think I would die of shame. I'm sitting here thinking about, do they feel guilt over it, in the back of their mind? Does the stress and the anxiety gnaw at them like it does me? Even just uploading to curseforge for me, causes a bit of anxiety, even though no one pays for it directly. But CF is just another tool to be used to most- now people use patreon, but once its unlocked, the download link leads to CF so they can double dip. So it must not be bothersome to them at all. It's difficult for me to wrap my head around.

...I've gotten so far off track, again. Here's the part where I re-read your ask and try to get back on topic lol. Sorry, my mind runs a lot these days.

I'm glad you mentioned the part about how insular paywallers are. But I think there's even more to this than just popularity. They do not break from their circle, except in the very rare case someone new becomes very popular and they want to do a boring collab with them, and even then it seems limited. I'm pretty sure they have a server (or multiple) where they share people's urls for the purposes of chain blocking them. They also, without a doubt, share people's personal info to one another in order to ban their accounts from their patreons (at the very least). I have witnessed this multiple times. There are several doxxing rings besides the ones that were exposed, at least one exclusive to early access creators. They don't allow new people in/trust others easily because of this. This is why I don't trust paywallers as a rule; not because I think custom content should never be monetized under any circumstances, but because the lack of standardization and consequences for privacy violations makes it unsafe.

I've read through your ask again, and it made me think of something else, so bear with me haha. But the point about how you find newer creators, and how some will go to finds blogs. The fact of the matter is that popular finds blogs have the potential to be compromised as well. I have been blocked by mmccworld ever since EA temporarily banned paywalling and I reblogged a post that had a list of people intending to continue paywalling after that, and they happened to be on that list. They were one of the more popular finds blogs in the community, but I obviously won't be reblogged by them like I was in the past. Now, this isn't that relevant anymore since they're definitely not as highly regarded as they once were, but think about tumblr's lack of algorithm & what you said about how people find newer creators. If you aren't reblogged, you aren't found. And it makes me wonder how many other creators are blocked at a finds blog's discretion. I mean, this isn't necessarily a bad thing; you can filter people how you like, for example I don't reblog from paywallers on mine, or known bigots etc. But it's something to think about, and I think is a smaller example of how simblr works. If you don't play the game and fall in line, if you question the wrong person, you won't get exposure. And to most, in our current system, exposure equals money. Of course you're going to toe the line- no one wants to be publicly shamed, or worse, have a drop in potential income.

This has gone on far, far too long, so let me stop lol. But thanks again for sending this and allowing me to ramble in response, nonny... not that you had a choice 🤣

[harryssyndrome]

The Enemy: 1 | Castaway

A/N: It's nice to be back along a idea with my love life. Hopefully my spark will stay alive to finish this short story. Thank you for your support in all of my stories. Guess what's gonna happen next and let me know in the comments. And I'm sorry in advance for any historical errors if any in the future chapters. More to come soon!

Pairing: Harry Styles x OC

Word Count: 1.2k

Series Master-Post | MASTERLIST

Home - July 22nd, 1944 - 4:38 PM - Syracuse, Italy

The sun was slowly heading toward the horizon and air felt soft, bunch of seagull were playing in the open sky. Kate was sitting on a chair in a comfortable silence by the coastline. She was reading a new thriller novel when a pair of arms wrapped around her shoulders, alarmed, she gasped, making her roommate laugh. Rave was her soul sister more than a friend or roomie.

"Oh I'm gonna get you" Kate says, throwing her book on her seat as she ran after Rave, both laughing like little kids. Running into the beach, time waiting for either of the girl to slow down and eventually the girls stopped, catching their breath.

Rave walked up to Kate and sat down pulling her as well, the waves were touching their feet. "Girl with your face and fantasies mostly read romance novels but you are just the opposite, what is it with you? Bad taste in boys or you're hiding a secret I don't know." Rave asked with mischievous voice.

"You know everything there is missy! I never dated a boy so can't comment about a taste and you know it besides, thriller is something my life is missing out right now." Kate says playfully.

"Point to be taken my lady. Who knows a thrill ride finds its way to you by just a boy!" Rave smiles while Kate playfully rolls her eyes and mimics talking with her hand like 'blah blah'.

"I'm serious Katie! Life gets exciting babe"

"Maybe... but right now? I wanna enjoy this moment with my girl." Kates smirks and then splashes salty water into her face. Rave softly moans and starts splashing the water back at Kate.

The clouds were slowly rising from the ocean and mist was hid the outline of the coast. The girls were giggling and smiling through their wet faces, when Rave's eyes befell on something black and she stopped playing, making Kate confused. "What is that thing?" Grabbing Kate's attention, Rave nudged her to move on and check it out, while she would stay behind her. "Why?"

"Because you read more thriller books than I do."

Taking steady steps toward the thing Kate's heart hammered into her chest, approaching further they began to realize it's a man. He was flung up out of the ocean. Arms above his head, feet by the beaker; girls stood in front of the unconscious man wondering how he managed to come through the dangerous spiked rocks. Well he did somehow - he must've been badly torn. They inspected him to find indeed he was so. The sand on one side of him slowly became stained of red soaking through.

Kate squatted down to take a look at the condition of his face, upon his young and tortured face was a cut, his brunette hair, wet. Blood flowed freshly at her touch. On the right side of his lower back Kate saw that a gun wound had been reopened. The flesh was blackened with charge of powder. Sometime, not many days ago, the man had been shot and had not been tended. It was bad chance that the rock had struck the wound.

"Help me get him inside" She said in hurry, as Rave helped her to lift him. The girls swing his arms around their neck when Rave exclaims "He's a British soldier!" As she stops, "I know" Kate voice sounds small, eyes still looking at the unconscious man.

"And you're helping him? Still?! Do you even realize the consequences of this?!" She spat back.

"I know... but we can't leave him here to die now that we've found him. I know he's the enemy, but it's not his fault that the world is standing on a battlefield, he was doing his part and anyways we as a doctor take a oath. We're bounded by it. And if we not even consider that, then we really shouldn't be doctors and most importantly, I'm doing this for humanity. I'm ready to be a traitor and at least for now I'm not regretting it."

"Well... I can digest this by simply saying this again 'thrill ride found its way to you by just a boy' yeah?"

"Yeah" girls passed a small smile to each other.

They carried him up the steps and into the side door of the house. This door opened into a passage, and down the passage they carried the man towards an empty bedroom. Kate bent down and started to peel off his clothes so that she could later wash off the sand and dirt while she had Rave get a bucket of water and a small towel to wipe him.

Rave rushed back into the room with the bucket and handed over the wet towel to Kate as she asked her to prepare the tools for operation, she headed out with a nod. When she came back, she gave the man an injection of anesthesia, Kate located the area where the blood flowing like a river, she felt the tip of his instrument strike against something hard, dangerously near the kidney, then quickly, with the cleanest and most precise of incisions, the bullet was out.

The man quivered but he was still unconscious. "He won't need more anesthesia I guess" Rave says calmly while Kate turned as swiftly as though she had never paused and from her medicines she chose a small vial and from it filled a hypodermic and thrust it into the patient's left arm. Then putting down the needle, she took the man's wrist again. The pulse under her fingers fluttered once or twice and then grew stronger.

"He will surely survive." Kate says with a tearful grin, hugging her best friend. It was her first ever operation without any assistance and she pulled it off with ease moreover she was happier about the fact that this man who seems not more than 25 years old will live.

She checks her wristwatch it was almost 8 pm so they decided to let him have rest and have some rest themselves after having an 'exciting day. Kate lied down on the couch, closing her eyes and taking deep breath while Rave brought two glasses of cold coffee in her hand, she softly whispered "Katie" as she sat in semi-sitting position and took the glass from Rave's hand and says "thank you". The girls sipped in silence until Rave broke it, "what are we gonna do next?" Kate just shrugged.

Thank you so much for taking time to read this chapter! Reblog and likes are appreciated!💗 Dm me or comment to be added on the tag list!

Chapters earlier available on Wattpad

[i-luv-carl-grimes]

☾꙳all the things I hate about you☀︎꙳pt.2

꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳

Chandler Riggs x Fem! reader

Summary: you recently got booked for an acting job playing a character in the walking Dead, it just so happens that you play the love interest for a character named Carl Grimes played by Chandler Riggs, and you soon realize you two hated one another

Warning: swearing and mention of blood

꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳꙳

"Miss Y/n L/n, we are more than pleased to tell you that you have been excepted for the role of c/n (u can name ya character<3) we are happy to have you on our team, the first shoot will be in 3 months on October 24, see you soon!" my mom read, my knees hit the ground and tears dressed my cheeks in ribbons.

"I'M GONNA BE BEST FRIENDS WITH A FAMOUS PERSON!!!" f/n yelled hugging me I just sat there shocked almost as if nothing that was happening really happened. 'We are happy to have you a part of our team' that ran through my head over and over again. "Why are you crying?" F/n asked only making me cry more. "I don't know!!" I yelled and lunged into her hug. "I'm so jealous you get to meet Norman (the actor for Daryl) you HAVE to let me say hi to him I think I might actually pass out," he said, her obsession with Norman was always big almost as big as mine for Chandler. "I will," I said my voice still wobbly and breaking as I whipped tears from my eyes. "Y/n you got a... Twitter? The notification" my mom said handing my phone and almost immediately started screaming and jumping around like an idiot.

"HOLY SHIT!" I screamed looking at the notification then f/n looked at my phone. "Holy shit..." she said. "Language!" my mom yelled. I then ran upstairs and jumped on my bed only to scream and violently kick my legs as if the cutest boy ever just followed me...oh wait. "Don't you play his love interest?" f/n asked, my legs stopped and fell, and my screams quieted, only to scream louder and my legs to move faster and harder. "I GET TO BE CARL FUCKING RIGGS LOVE INTEREST" I screamed with probably one of the stupidest looks on my face. "Geez n/n calm down, oh but God PLEASE let me meet Norman," she said and I sat up remembering... Georgia... Oh. "Of course, I will f/n! As long as you take care of yourself, please promise me that" I said walking over to her and grabbing her shoulders. "I promise," she said and pulled me into a hug. "What if he has a girlfriend," I said and f/n started to laugh. "God would you calm down your never this talkative," she said in between laughs. "HOW CAN I NOT BE!? I'M LITERALLY GONNA MEANT SOMEONE I'VE ADMIRED SINCE I WAS 8!!!" I said and f/n started laughing more I then jokingly passed her my mother then came upstairs

"Hun, how are we gonna tell your father?" she asked. "Oh....simple we don't" I replied in a cold tone. "We can't just tell him," she said and I started to pick at my sick (cuticles). "He lives in Georgia anyway" I scuffed. "I guess your right," she said then walked out. As I felt the skin in my fingers rip and blood going on my nails. "Y/n your picking at your skin again," f/n said and I looked down to see a re-open wound on my thumb, I just walked into the bathroom and grabbed a band-aid to wrap around it, "sorry about that," I said putting on a small forced smile. "It's fine, YOU SHOULD POST ON TWITTER," she said and I immediately jumped on my bed and took a screenshot of the email (keeping out the parts where it shows who sent it), and opened Twitter.

@u/n

Thank you so much for this moment and over all opportunity

I then posted it and turned to look at my ceiling with an ear-to-ear smile. "Y/N F/N WE'RE GOING TO A FANCY RESTAURANT TO CELEBRATE BE READY AT 6" my mom yelled I looked at my phone '3:30' we still have a while, my phone vibrated and I look to see a notification

@/g/u/n (just put someone u don't like)

I cant believe YOU of all people got the part I feel bad for Chandler

She said and I felt my heart drop, I hated e/n (enemy name), we used to be best friends to the point where we went everywhere together, on trips to the beach and having sleepovers every week that was until middle school, then she changes she began hanging out with this group of girls that for some reason NEVER liked me and she quickly joined them. But we were still friends weird right? well not to her I soon found out she was only using me to get with the boy I 'liked' the more I really think about it the more I realize I didn't even love him, I liked the thought of 'loving someone I really don't think I've ever been in an actual relationship, I mean I've never even thought of what love feels like. "geez is that thing still on your ass" F/n asked and I nodded. "Y/n, you playing Chandler fucking Rigg's love interest she doesn't have anything on you," she said making me feel better

-time skip-

it was now 5:30 and I had just gotten out of the shower, "hey F/n what should I do with my hair" I asked while she was picking out our outfits. "um...just wear it down don't worry about it" she said, I then grabbed a curling iron and put it to my hair, when I was done I put on light makeup, mascara, foundation and a bit of blush. "alright Y/n I got your outfit!" f/n yelled and I walked out of the bathroom and back to my room to see an outfit laying on the bed with f/n standing over it proudly. it was a black dress with a slit down the side of it as well as black heels. "f/n you now have I feel about wearing things like this" I said a bit hesitant to wear something that shows so much skin and overall looked like it would attract a lot of attention. "you an actor now! act like it and plus this dress isn't even a lot it's so simple" she said and I sighed. "whatever you say" I said while grabbing the dress and heels. "you know you gonna have to get over your attention problem your playing in a show that more than a million people have watched, you are going to be the center of attention everywhere you go from now on" she said and I leaned against the backroom door. "I know," I said before closing the door and changing into the dress. when I walked out f/n was already changed and covered her mouth with her hands and stared at me. "stop staring!" I said getting uncomfortable for how long she had been looking at me, "not only is my best friend famous but she's also so incredibly beautiful, I've won at life," she said and I turned away in embarrassment. "shut up, if we're on the topic lets talk about how beautiful my best friend is," I said and she chuckled. "as always still can't take a compliment" she teased and I pushed her. "girls, its time to go," my mom said and I up on a brown overcoat and a cream scarf (remember this takes place in autumn). We then went to my mom's car and drove to a very fancy restaurant.

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I hope you all enjoyed this chapter I'll post the next one tomorrow!!

[demonsfate]

ashdkfk so true!!!! You are absolutely right on everything!! Boy it is SO refreshing to read opinions like yours because I feel like many people love to bring the same thing about "but Jin created a war--" WELL. Actually! that wasn't Jin. idc what Harada says, but at least he saw the huge mistake he made and is now kinda fixing it on T8. I really like DJ but.. he's *not* Jin. But yeah, I'm not surprised someone said that about Josie :/ ... I've read other things re the female characters, especially about Xiaoyu and Asuka. Whenever someone says they're generic or smth I go "Can't read suddenly idk". As you said Tek has lots of unserious stuff. And it was one of the things that bothered me on 7 bc the Mishimas had their serious storyline while the rest were like,, for the lulz.. I don't think they even bothered to do more than that.

Also the thing you said about Heihachi took me out lmao. I wouldn't be surprised if they bring him back, SOMEHOW. But thank you! Tbh I get hyped whenever I see your posts getting hyped over T8 (if that makes sense?? my English sucks) love how you write Jin! I can’t wait for the game. Hopefully, it will be as great as it looks. I need it like yesterday lol. Btw, I'm starting to think I should go by "hype anon" or something(??)' (I'm going to stop talking now this is way too long I'm sorry! :| )

Thank you!! And YEAH - it's easy to look at a character, and poor writing, and see that it's something the character wouldn't do, and say "this isn't the character lol." But the Tek fandom just CAN'T seem to wrap that around their head!

I like DJ a lot, too! But totes, he's not Jin!

Now it seems like we now have 'em both referring to each other as different people! And well, I guess ppl forgot this - but even in TK2, we saw Kaz fighting against Devil Kaz. Which may just be seen as symbolism - but in TK4, Devil Kaz even refers to Kaz by name, asking what he's doing. (And plus Heihachi didn't recognize Devil Kaz as Kaz.) So because of this, I always saw DJ and Jin as different people - just habiting the same body. I also find this concept to be much more interesting than trying to claim DJ is just "Jin but evil!11!!1 his dark desires!!1!!!" Just because that concept if sooo generic and overused for fighting games. Mortal Kombat has their revenants which is just that, and Street Fighter as Ryu and Evil Ryu. And since I wrote in the MK fandom once - I already wrote that concept and I'm bored with it. Jin and DJ being enemies who are forced to share a body is very fascinating to me.

So, that's also why I roll my eyes when I see ppl say that TK6's writing is "justified" because DJ represents what Jin really wants. (Fuck off with thaaat.) And even if somehow, someway, Jin did go "dark." I don't see him behaving like DJ. I see Jin behaving more angrier and aggressive - but not sadistic and maniacally laughing and stuff.

Funny thing is - I actually wasn't too happy with Xiao's depiction in the Bloodline anime because I felt they made her more generic than she is in the games. XD Imo, not many of the Tek characters are "generic." Yes, they all have tropes. (Xiao's the bubbly schoolgirl, Jin's the stoic main character.) But like, many characters are built upon established tropes. It's how they're written and how they actually act with those tropes that make them unique. I really don't see how Asuka's generic. Even if she can be a bit pointless to her family's story, she can be entertaining as a character personality wise imo.

AND YEAHHH - I may also be in the minority who didn't completely hate the TK7 story like many people do. But I def agree they fucked the other characters up completely. Like yeah, I still have gripes about the TK7 story - but at least it was taken seriously. And Heihachi did stuff and was taken seriously again. (Unlike you know, in TK5 and TK6 where he has endings of him sending his family to... Space to kill them.) But my God, I finally got around to unlocking all the character endings a few months ago and TK7 probably has the worst character endings - maybe even worse than TK6 (if not just as bad. As TK6 wasn't all juvenile humor, but a lot of them was just short 30 seconds of Nothing Happening) I'd say Miguel probably had the best ending - if it didn't remind of TK6 and made me angry because of that.

I feel like they will bring back Heihachi - even just to be in the roster, and not alive. Just because even if the character is dead - players still liked his style, and therefore, enjoyed playing as him. I feel like they could pull a Kazumi, and have Heihachi in a flashback, and thus he can be in the roster because of that. Lots of people are saying "they could make clone or robo Heihachi - or even a new apprentice!" But really, I think Flashback Heihachi is most likely. Honestly, I wouldn't really mind if TK8 brought in a lot of "dead" characters as DLC. Like they're just DLC, and most Tek characters have no impact on the story anyway (LOL) So... what would be the big deal? It'd be nice to see Jinpachi or Ogre again.

Don't worry about your English! You haven't said anything that was unclear to me yet, so it's been all good! And thank you soooo very much about that!!! I love writing this character, and I love my concepts - so it's always joyful to know others do, too. <3 And I really like talking to you about the games! As said, it gives me an excuse as well to ramble all my ideas! Which is funny bc you were worried about going on to long, but now I'm going on way too long. xD