#i ran out of a med and couldn't get it refilled on time

[ash-alder]

i have a migraine and would like to not, please. it is unexpected, and very bad, and i would like to exist and not have my eyes feel like they are going to explode.

[b0g-b0y]

Silent sorrows

This isn't exactly what you wanted but I hope you still like it! Requested @xweirdo101x

Depression is a key factor in this.

Sorry, I feel like this is really short...

—-----------------------------------------------------------------

Simon's dark brown eyes held their gaze on his friend next to him, they looked tired.

Simon's gaze moved to the paper that his friend Y/n was shooting at not too long ago. The holes in the paper weren't centered but scattered. “ Your aim is going to shit…” Ghost said with his gruff voice. “ I know,” Y/n said as he got ready to shoot again. “ Think you need rest think you need it.” Ghost said as he watched his friend put down his gun to look at Ghost. Y/n gave a small smirk. “That's your way of telling me I look like shit?” Y/n asked. “ Bloody hell, Y/n if you looked like absolute dog shit I’d say so,” Ghost responded.

With a small sigh, Y/n left the shooting range he didn't need Ghost analyzing him well he worked. God, he wanted a drink.

Yeah sure Ghost was right Y/n was tired, tired of everything and nothing all at the same time.

Later that night Y/s sat on the side of his bed and held onto an empty pill bottle that he should have refiled a month ago, but he never did. The excuses ran through his head I’ll do it later, I'm too busy, and the pharmacy isn't open right now. All of those were just excuses he made.

He knew it was his fault that he was feeling this depressed again after all, all he needed to do was get a refill.” This is stupid,” Y/n mumbled to himself. He threw the empty pill bottle in the trash across the room and missed the shot as he watched the bright orange bottle roll pathetically on the floor.

It wasn't long before he was lying in bed he couldn't sleep not when he felt so hollow.

The following day Y/n couldn't get out of bed he sent Price a text saying he had food poisoning and probably wouldn't be able to work for today. Who knows what excuse he’d use next…

A quick reply from Price reading, get some rest and feel better soon.

Y/n put his phone down and sat up he felt sweaty and gross hell, just looking around at his room made him feel gross. The bedsheets haven't been in months, empty bottles of different drinks filled most of his trash can. Empty cups sat on his desk, his clothes barely in the laundry basket. His room was a big violation compared to the standard, if Price saw this he’d truly be upset but Ghost would be the one most unhappy.

Y/n and ghost were good friends, maybe on the verge of something more.

Something more would never happen in Y/n's eyes. Ghost has been thought a lot, the last thing he could picture is Ghost in a relationship with anyone.

Y/n and Ghost both had their problems but maybe that’s what made them feel so close.

Even as Y/n sat looking at his room his head was filled with not only his disappointment, but the disappointment he knew Ghost would hold for him.

—————————————————————

It didn’t take Ghost too long to notice the difference. Eventually Ghost found his way in the room y/n stayed in.

Ghosts large hand slowly rubbing y/ns back, scaring him slightly being woken up like that.” Hey Y/n, how are you feeling?” Ghost asked. As y/n replied with a small hum. “ Y/n need you fully with me, wake up fully “ Ghost said as softly as he could with someone with such a deep voice.

A few minutes later the two of them sat next to each other. “ Y/n you aren’t doing too hot are yeah. Don’t talk, just listen to me mate. I know you haven’t been taking your meds. I know sometimes you think you’re doing fine and then you stop taking your meds because you think you’re fine. But you need them… I need you, don’t want to lose you Y/n I know what it’s like to be fucked up. Call me selfish but i don’t want want to watch you getting fucked up too…” Ghost said. “ I know Ghost I know… it just gets hard sometimes and I just thought… I don't know what I thought.” Y/n said in defeat.” Doesn’t matter what matters is that you start taking care of yourself the best you can Y/n, we can work through it together yeah… we can work on getting through problems together.” Ghost said.

The two of them sat in silence just enjoying each other’s company. Knowing that they would be there for each other, in anyway they could no matter what type of dance they would have to play.

[freckle-face-ace]

Portgas D Ace X Trafalgar Law

There are two chapters of this. It was meant to be a one shot, but my brain summons the ship sometimes.

1

Law leaned over the counter bored as he watched Luffy round the corner happily chatting away to whomever was a few steps behind. The younger raven flailed his arms emphasizing whatever dramatic part of his story he happened to be telling. That's when his companion came into view.

He ran his hand through his jet-black jaw length waves as a large grin spread across his freckled face. Law let his eyes wander to the stranger's exposed chest. Though fall was settling in he wore a pale orange short sleeved shirt lazily buttoned halfway and a pair of long black shorts.

"Zoro ended up kicking his ass!" Luffy laughed shoving the glass door open causing the bell the jingle wildly.

Law straightened himself out averting his gaze to the muted television on the back wall.

"That isn't surprising." Chuckled the unfamiliar male.

His voice was deep but soft. It hit Law's ear with a velvetiness he hadn't experienced before.

"Ace this is Traffy. Traffy this is my brother Ace." Luffy grinned.

"Law." He corrected evenly, reaching for Ace's already extended hand.

Ribbons of warmth tingled around Law's fingers spreading over his hand as Ace gave his palm a friendly squeeze. Was he running fever? How could a person possibly be this warm without sweating?

"Your hand is freezing." Ace chuckled, "Sorta like a doctor."

"Traffy is in medical school!" Luffy chimed rounding the counter to grab an apron.

"Ooh~ you must be popular with the ladies." Ace wiggled his brows.

"Yeah." Law grunted.

Not that he minded being popular with women. He'd had a girlfriend or two even a couple of heated one stands. But he wasn't particularly interested either which made it hard for him to put any effort and time into a relationship. He already had a demanding school schedule on top of a full-time job to pay for said schooling, there was no time for romantic endeavors.

"Anyway, Luffy you're late the lunch rush will be here soon. Go get more lids and cup sleeves from the back." Law crossed his arms over his chest.

The small coffee shop was located near the college and the clinic which made things convenient for Law. He'd become the shift supervisor within only a few months.

Luffy bounced around the shop cleaning and refilling things while Law made sure he had enough supplies for the most common orders placed.

Ace sat quietly at the counter his garnet eyes occasionally darting up from his phone at the aloof raven behind the bar. He'd noticed Law's unusual sunny eye color almost immediately.

He must be popular.

His rolled-up sleeves revealed thick black tattoos that traveled further up his arms. His slender tattooed fingers worked quickly with a practiced rhythm as he made Ace's order.

The freckled male chuckled admittedly a little impressed - surely this was a skill Luffy could never accomplish, which explained why the older raven kept him busy with simple but tedious tasks. Luffy didn't have the attention span or patience for this.

Ace actually found himself wondering why Luffy even worked here.

"Med school sounds interesting." He chirped getting Law's attention.

"It has its moments." He replied coolly, "What do you do Ace-ya? You're the only brother I've never met."

Ace chuckled, "What an interesting colloquial; the 'ya' I mean. Do you do that to everyone?"

Law almost immediately regretted speaking. He couldn't control his unique vernacular and was suddenly very conscious of it.

"Dunno." He shrugged expression as distant as ever.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to-" Ace stopped himself from pointing out the other male's embarrassment though it had only been a flicker. Instead he circled back to Law's initial question.

"I'm a musician so I travel a lot." He flashed a brilliant smile.

"Anything I've heard?" Law questioned still shuffling around behind the counter.

"Honestly probably not." Ace let out an airy laugh, "I just open up for small acts but it's a living, right?"

Law hummed back looking over Ace's shoulder at the line of people beginning to trickle in.

"Luffy-ya! Register!" He called setting cups out or easy access.

Ace continued to watch his brother and his friend work fairly harmoniously through the lunch rush. The crowd of people kept them busy enough for Ace to admire the fluidity of Law's motions while he filled orders with a small crooked smile that only faltered when he tried reading Luffy's chicken scratch.

"Trafalgar." A sultry female voice floated up to the counter beside Ace.

His eyes rose from his phone immediately recognizing the dark-haired woman. Her emerald eyes flickered to him as a small enigmatic smile graced her lips.

"I'll have your order in a moment Robin." Law murmured.

"Thank you. Watch out for the blond girls at the end of the line." She warned turning back to Law, "They're certain they'll get your number this time."

Law rolled his golden eyes with a sigh. A reaction Ace for some reason appreciated.

"Back from your tour?" Robin turned back to Ace.

"Yeah I'll be home for a little less than a month." His response didn't go unnoticed by the barista.

If Ace was going to be in town for a while surely Luffy would be dragging him along to functions and work. Law certainly didn't mind his presence, he was calmer than expected, sense he was the only brother who looked to be blood related to the hyper active raven.

"We're having a big party on Saturday you should come....Traffy can come right?" Luffy looked to Ace while Law locked the front door of the shop.

"Of course." Ace smiled.

Law turned slowly, he usually turned down invites to the Newgate's parties. Even when their father was there things tended to get out of hand. Besides he hardly had free time to waste drinking with a bunch of delinquents.

"Sure." The response tumbled from his lips before he'd even had a chance to mull it over.

The brothers grinned.

"See ya tomorrow Traffy~" Ace winked over his shoulder strolling away.

___________

"You two get along." Sabo took Law's place next to his brother.

"He's Luffy's friend. Why wouldn't we?" Ace questioned eyes still on Law as he stalked into the kitchen.

"Luffy likes almost everyone." The blond rolled his eyes, "He just isn't really a people person."

"I hadn't noticed." It wasn't a lie, he really hadn't.

All of his interactions with Law had been pleasant, refreshing even. He'd spent the last three days following Luffy to work so he could talk more with the phlegmatic barista.

A tennis ball came sailing across the room landing in Ace's lap quickly followed by their enormous chocolate Labrador. Ace yelped spilling his drink down the front of his shirt while the dog crushed his manhood.

"Chopper!" Luffy shouted as the room erupted in laughter.

"You little shit." Ace coughed pushing Chopper off him.

"He didn't know any better." Sabo murmured.

"Not the dog." Ace stood pulling his shirt off revealing his large back tattoo, "Luffy, ya got three seconds!"

The younger raven leapt over an arm chair and bolted for the sliding patio door laughing wildly with Ace on his heels.

"You've been doing that a lot the last few days." Robin pointed to her lips as she stepped up to Law in the kitchen.

He let the corners of his mouth droop in protest.

"It suits you." She added, "You don't have to brood all the time."

Law snorted.

"You seem to enjoy his company."

"Maybe." He shrugged a small smirk ghosting his lips.

She smiled nudging his shoulder before joining the group in the living room.

Law stationed himself in the kitchen silently waiting for Ace or Luffy to return so he could thank them and take his leave. It was getting late and he had rounds in the morning.

The kitchen door that lead out to the front porch swung open sending a crisp breeze through the room. Ace stepped inside panting, still shirtless with a stream of blood trickling from his left brow.

"Little bastard socked me in the face." He chuckled smearing the blood over his eye.

"First aid kit?" Law asked tearing a paper towel from the roll above the sink and handing it to Ace.

"Upstairs bathroom." Ace nodded toward the small stairwell across from the kitchen door.

He led the way skipping every other step.

"Aren't you cold running around like that?" Law watched the muscles under his tattoo shift and contract with each extended step.

"I don't get cold." The raven chuckled reaching the top of the stairs, "Bathroom is third door on the left." He instructed stepping into what Law assumed was his room.

After collecting the kit Law crossed back into the room Ace had disappeared into. It was a pigsty. The back wall was lined with guitars, a few missing strings and collecting dust while others were in cases cluttered with stickers and patches. Law's eyes fell to the freckled male sprawled out on the unmade bed. He cleared his throat getting Ace's attention.

"Sorry I was dozing off there." His ruby eyes flitted over Law's slender form as he sat up still holding the paper towel over his brow, "Think I'll need stitches?"

Law took a seat in front of him on the bed slipping a glove over his right hand as Ace removed the bloodied paper.

"Hmm it's not so deep. A couple of butterfly band aids will be fine. It probably won't even scar." He rummaged through the small white box and began cleaning the small cut.

"Your hands are cold." He shivered under Law's touch.

"You're just too warm Ace-ya." Law smirked.

Ace's face only got warmer. Law had been avoiding addressing people by name in front of him for the last few days. He hadn't intended to embarrass him - he'd actually thought it was sort of endearing. He watched Law focus on stopping the bleeding, wincing as he applied more pressure.

"Maybe that's why you're bleeding so much. Your circulation is too good." Law chuckled.

That did it. Why was this guy allowed to just walk around being this cute? Why didn't anyone else see it?

Law gently placed the second band aid on his brow and removed his glove glancing over Ace's now flustered face.

"What's wrong does it still hurt?" He asked now searching for other injuries.

Ace shook his head slowly throwing caution to the wind and leaning into Law's personal space smiling when Law didn't move away. He took it as permission inching closer. Both of their hearts sped up intensifying the moment. The air around them pulsed with electricity almost making it hard to breathe normally. Eyes remained locked as their noses brushed against each other. Law parted his lips slightly anticipating contact letting his eye lids drop when Ace's warm breath fanned over his -

A sharp bang on the door jolted them back retracting from each other.

"Everything ok in there yoi?"

Fucking Marco.

[fearecia]

In this ongoing learning curve of "oh, these symptoms are actually an allergy response," I've come across some products for use around my house. I've been dealing with dryness on my hands for absolute years, requiring daily moisturizing to combat and keeping cuticle clippers handy to trim off the hang-nails before they get ripped off. I also trim off the slivers of skin that peel back from behind my nails (not technically hang-nails, I don't think).

For the record, I've always struggled with Dawn dish soap (aggressively dries out my hands and will make my knuckles itch and split) and generally stuck to Palmolive (raised on it). I have always been allergic to Dove products (bar soaps, body wash, etc - I blamed the moisturizers in them. No idea if that's the real culprit or not) and have generally used Softsoap or similar products for hand soap. After discovering that everything I was using had fragrance I couldn't smell, I swapped to these products that I could find in my local WinCo.

Ecos Hypoallergenic Dish Soap

Seems to be as effective as the Palmolive. I might be using a bit more soap for the same degreasing effects, or it might just be that since I haven't found a major refill bottle to buy, I'm noticing how fast I go through a bottle (I'm very aggressive in my dish soap use, so this isn't unusual).

Sappho Hill Bar Soaps

I got the Natural one and stuck one on a soap tray in each bathroom in my house. Rinses nicely off my hands and leaves that clean feeling. I haven't aggressively tested it against oils and grease from working on the motorcycle or something similar yet.

The overall redness of my hands has decreased and I'm not struggling with massive levels of dryness anymore. I haven't been picking up the cuticle clippers hardly at all either anymore, though I will admit to not having been paying as close attention to that side effect. I think my nails may also be getting stronger, but I think that correlates more with oral antihistamines more than the soaps. I've had the new products in use for 2-3 weeks now. I think I noted the possible changes in nail thickness over a month ago.

Now that I'm paying more attention, I think I'm also reacting to my shampoo and conditioner, and maybe the body wash. I installed a shower filter that I think made a small difference in the level of red on my chest after taking a shower, but I'm definitely still having issues there. Now that I'm paying attention, the redness pattern seems primarily isolated to my hands, forearms, face and chest, which tracks with the shampoo and conditioner. And I've definitely seen that it shows up right after using my shampoo. So that will be getting swapped out next.

I've also had oily hair but a flaky scalp for like... Ever. I had a brief period of time where that went away when I was being treated for acne with whatever that Vit-A derivative medication is. And then it went away again for a week or two when I was taking all the MCAS meds (I sadly ran into problems with the pharmacy for one medication and started reacting to another, so had to quit both of them). I'm kinda hoping that maybe the oily hair/dry scalp problem is another allergy related issue that I can treat with the appropriate products.

For moisturizing, I currently use Renew Lotion by the Melaleuca Company*. I started using it years ago when I lived on the top of the mountain in Colorado and my skin could not stay hydrated at all. Most lotions barley got me through 24 hours. This stuff took care of my skin for like a week. I've had multiple people who are medical professionals try it and love it (because it helps combat the dryness of constantly washing their hands). I've also had folks who have eczema use it and claim it is better than their prescription lotions. It's not cheap, but it's worth every penny in terms of how much less you need of it and how long the effects last. I will be considering it as another potential allergen source at a later date. For now, I'm barely using it, so I'm not super concerned at the moment.

*Yes, the Melaleuca Company is an MLM from what I can tell. I get the lotion because it's the best thing I've ever found. They have a variety of other products that are probably good as well (tea tree oil is the big component of their stuff) that I have never tried. I get the lotion on Amazon, which is probably about double the cost of what you would pay if you found someone selling the products directly (I used to get it for $20 a bottle with I had friends who worked for them). So, yes, MLM sucks, but products are solid.

Side note, I stumbled over this thread with recommendations for hypoallergenic products for MCAS folks:

Anyway. Just recording things and the process for future me/other people. Goodness knows it's reading things like this that has helped me figure a ton of shit out in the past.

[moltara]

yes i did just type up a four paragraph essay for that adhd med shortage link

if you followed me late 2022/early 2023 you probably know why but here's the tl;dr if you didn't!

it was a NIGHTMARE trying to get my adderall refilled. you have to wait until you take your very last pill to put in the refill, and at the time the shortage made it so that it was constantly out of stock at my pharmacy.

so then i'd have to call EVERY OTHER PHARMACY IN THE AREA hoping that one of them would have some and would be able to tell me! (some pharmacies flat out refused to tell me if i desperately called them hoping to refill my medication)

once i found a pharmacy with some in stock, i'd transfer it. except i live near a state boundary, so pharmacies across the boundary wouldn't take my insurance. so i had to use good rx and pay out of pocket for my adderall.

and also transferring it involved calling my prescriber's office and having them fax over the prescription to the NEW pharmacy. and i'd just pray that it got there before they ran out!

and then they changed the policy! so that you couldn't transfer ANY prescriptions to another pharmacy!! so if your single chosen pharmacy was out of stock, you were shit out of luck my dude! and you had to wait to get it refilled when they got more in.

that was when i changed to vyvanse bc fuck man it wasn't worth it!

i ended up running out on several occasions, even for over a week one time! and i had to self medicate with 2 monster energy drinks a day to feel somewhat normal

[thoughtfulpaperback]

DO NOT DO AS I DID!!!!

I stopped my meds cold turkey because I 1) wasn't in a supportive environment and was judged when I would ask-because I did not drive at the time-from someone to go pick up my prescription and 2) because once I ran out after being on for a year I wasn't able to schedule a visit with that therapist and they needed to see me to keep the pills going.

I bring this up because this is a reality now for not just mental health prescriptions but others types. Currently doctors are leaving my state and the nearest doctor for my grandma's special issues (arthritist) is 45 minutes away and she doesn't drive and I work from 6:40 to 5:00. Which those offices close around that time and aren't open on the weekends.

So she also wad unable to get her meds refilled because she needed to get the doctor to sign off and the doctor couldn't see her for three months. So she was in a lot of pain for three months and then they had a buggy virtual appointment.

It's a not so great time to need care.

psychiatrists: You can’t stop this medication cold turkey. You need to stay on your meds no matter what. If you don’t stay on your meds I won’t treat you as my patient anymore

psychiatrists when you need your meds refilled: yeah I can do that in about 10 business days. oh you need it right now? or you’re going to end up hospitalized? meh I don’t care. good luck idiot

[fruitfulchaos]

just going to rant about polish healthcare here, bear with me.

so, here's the fucking thing. i had my last actual visit at the psychiatrist in MARCH. the next one was in july or even september, not sure. i was working a 9-5 at the time and simply couldn't go - didn't even get a phone consultation, nothing, just meds refilled. my next one is scheduled AT THE END OF NOVEMBER. important info is that two weeks from now will be exactly one year since i was admitted to a psych ward. 😐 now, the doctor calculated the meds wrong and i am missing one pack's worth of meds to even GET ME to the end of november. i have called about it before and they told me that "i will get a call with a date" which, of course, did not happen. i called them today, mad as fuck, because im on my last four pills, and i need to take two per day.

i asked the receptionist about a possible teleconsultation, mentioned that i am already a patient of said doctor. i cannot stress the terror the following put me in:

"in january at the earliest"

IN JANUARY??? I'M SUPPOSED TO WAIT 3 MONTHS FOR A FUCKING PHONE CALL?????????

"You must be joking" I laugh nervously into the phone and raise my hand to my mouth. My friend is sitting in front of me by the table, she's confused. The receptionist mutters some apologies or an explanation - doesn't matter, it's all buzzing in my brain. I plead with her further about how I'm running out of meds which were supposed to last me until the end of November. I mention the extreme doses I'm on.

"I can do Tuesday for the prescription code"

"Tuesday?" I mumbled into the phone, trying to remain formal and polite. "Nothing earlier? For just a code?" A prescription code is four digits long, and my last full visit ran for no longer than 10 minutes. I tie the conversation up somehow, can't remember. I might have a date for Tuesday. I hang up and sit, with my mouth wide open for way too long to be normal, holding eye contact with my bestie who's now trying to silently figure out what happened without upsetting me. I'm, actually, factually, genuinely too stunned to speak. Some wires cross in my brain and somehow, despite the elephant doses of chemicals, tears form in my eyes. I don't cry, but something lifts, and a few of them fall while I'm just frozen like 😦. Withdrawing from 200mg of sertraline over 4 days might kill me. So now, I'm rationing the two pills I have left and try not to vomit my insides out, try to ignore the beaming pain in my skull. Tomorrow after uni I'm going straight to the psych ward unit nearest to me and forcing them to change my medication immediately. Or I Might Die. Fuck NFZ. Fuck private healthcare. Fuck the polish government for cutting funds for psychiatric healthcare. I've been waiting on a therapy date since march. I'm on the list of "patients in dire need", by the way. Had I not been working myself to the bone over the past few months, had I not decided to stay living with my abuser in order to afford finishing my degree, I wouldn't even be able to go for private healthcare, which I need to choose now. I will be eating away at my savings, so it's barely a choice now, anyway. It's not a choice when your other choice is to be metaphorically left bleeding out while waiting for an appointment. This is fucking insane. And they want to cut public funds even more, for the sake of some wanna-be capitalists. Poland is a tax heaven for corporations and it's making me go insane. How come I pay fucking taxes from my social and can't even get a fucking prescription on time, after being admitted?

[nepsah]

man.........

(chronic pain ramblings- I'm fine, I'm just talking to myself)

the desire to not be labeled as drug seeking is surprisingly difficult to shake?? like idk - I am still in a Lot of pain from the surgery and I ran out of the norco they prescribed last night - I held onto one pill so I could sleep n suffered thru the day, and chickened out on calling to see if they'd refill it, all bc I was afraid of being told no and that I was somehow bad for wanting relief from the surgery pain??

But I was hurting so so so bad this morning before work I couldn't stand it anymore and called.

It was a complete non-issue. Like, no questions asked, just a "hey the pharmacy doesn't open until 9 and historically these take a while to be ready jsyk!"

God.

I AM supplementing with prescription strength ibuprofen (given to me by them) but it doesn't really cut it. Also, the prescription strength ibuprofen doesn't combat my other pain issues. I take a 24/hr ibuprofen-like thing for my coccydynia (and fibromyalgia but mostly for the cyccyx) and in the week or so I've been off that so I can take the meds from the surgeon, I've noticed that the old pain is starting to creep back in.

It started with dreams last night. The sensation of someone or something getting dangerously close to applying pressure on the coccyx. At my worst pain, I would wake myself up from dreams like that every night and have to take more ibuprofen to get back to sleep. If it werent dreams, it'd be because I was rolling over and the sheer act of movement sent spikes of pain thru my body.

That whole area of my pelvic region - well, spine down to tailbone, would feel internally as if it were stiff and hard like plastic (but, plastic one can bend) and the only relief for it was to take ibuprofen.

During the day, a stiff breeze would be enough to make me stiffen up from head to toe so that I could be prepared for a hit that wasn't coming.

And god forbid I actually tripped. The amount of times I nearly took myself out bc of that.... Ugh ...

I tried chiropractors, massages, tens machine treatments... I had X-rays and an MRI. There's nothing wrong with my tailbone/coccyx. It just decided to start hurting in the winter of 2016, and hasn't stopped since. I still don't know what's wrong? I've just found a medication that works.

Anyways

Chronic pain sucks! And I hate that seeking relief for it gives you a bad name.

When the norco + ibuprofen work together in tandem, it's the least amount of pain Ive been in in years. It's really sad, actually? : ( how is it that I'm able to achieve a lower base level of pain with active surgery recovery ??? Sighs.

[sassypotatoe1]

To the pharmacist who had to refill my adhd meds yesterday even though your manager told you not to because the script was back dated and you couldn't get ahold of my doctor to confirm it's a real script I'm sorry I cried and became a little passive aggressive! I didn't want to be a white woman tears karen I was just actually upset because these meds literally keep me alive and functioning and I can't afford to go to my doctor every month to get a new script.

The medical aid plans that will cover my chronic medication and specialist visits is 3/4 of my salary and the medical aid plan I can afford doesn't cover my chronic medication or specialist visits so I end up having to pay for those out of pocket anyway on top of the premium. So I dumped the medical aid because it was a useless expense so now I have to limit even doctors visits.

I know you could get in trouble over back dated scripts, as you explained, and I am fully willing to just bring the blank scripts from now on so you can manually date them to avoid trouble, and I'm sorry I put you in a bad position. I already ran out 2 days ago and yesterday was hell on earth so I wasn't thinking clearly. It wasn't your fault and I have nothing against you for just doing your job, I just have the worst fucking adhd on the planet and off the meds I'm a mess. I barely survived the 20 years I wasn't on them (I have almost walked into a moving train, fallen down stairs and forgotten to eat for days at a time off my meds).

[br0kenegobr0kenheart]

I guess this has just become my "How do I relate to Taylor Swift's songs" diary. Oh well.

Yes I got your letter, yes I'm doing better, I know that it's over, I don't need your closure.

Closure, let's talk about it. I didn't change my general practitioner when we broke up. We shared the same one, but as I was on anti depressants, I truly didn't feel like explaining to someone else why. This was my safety option. Of course I ran the risk of running into him at the doctor's office, but somehow this wasn't too bad. Last time I went to get my prescription refilled, I told my GP we had broken up - he couldn't really replace him, so he told me to focus on myself. I felt okay, until this past Monday.

I come in with a cold and the will to talk about maybe lowering my dosage, or at least just speaking next steps, but out of nowhere, breaking every single medical secrecy, he tells me he saw him last Friday, that he was at a really low point, so much so that he pointed him towards a therapist - not the same one as me haha thanks douchebag. And that he really was a good guy, and that he had told him that he should call me. I was baffled. Speechless. What. The. Fuck.

You see, one of the thing I'm dealing with is high feelings of guilt. I didn't feel guilty for my ex, but instantly, my thoughts went to "Oh god that's because of me that he's feeling like that." I told my GP that he had hurt me too, and feeling like he had fucked up - which he had, royally so - he then spent twenty minutes telling me to take care of myself, to block his number or not answer his calls, and that he definitely knew what I wanted from in life - quiet life with my husband and kids. Again. What. The. Fuck.

The utter feeling of betrayal and sadness quickly left. I was handled an information I didn't need nor wanted NOR SHOULD'VE HAD. But it wasn't my problem. It wasn't actually a problem, more so a non problem.

I then had to schedule a quick appointment with my therapist, she's the shit, but I needed to understand my emotions.

It felt like a jump into his intimacy, but I didn't need the closure. When we parted ways, he told me he hoped I would heal all my fucked up-ness someday, and that he didn't need me anymore because he had no issues to address.

It wasn't right

The way it all went down

Looks like you know that now

I try not to see this as a haha moment. This is not a happy news, obviously, I'm sad he's going through a hard time. But it's not my battle. It's not my closure. Because even though my mental state has been a fucking hell hole for the better part of ten years, I know I'm doing the work. I'm doing the therapy, the yoga, the reaching out to friends, the calling my mom, the taking my meds, the routines. Of course I'm failing every three days. Of course I haven't showered since Monday. But I'm trying, and trying again (yup, wait til I get to that song).

But I'm fine with my spite

And my tears

And my beers

And my candles.

[kozzax]

ok so the post isn't gonna come out today?

or tomorrow, probably, or. really necessarily anytime this week?

ive gotten just. incredibly busy lately and I'm so very sorry about that but. for the next week or two it's gonna be even more radio silent from me than usual on here. 'm awful sorry schools just kicking my ass and you know how it is.

the good news is that I'm not forgetting the projects I'm working on and the Second I can I'm sitting down and just getting started Immediately because it's been far far too long since I was able to Do Anything that I was genuinely excited to do!!

it might be a while but once I'm back on my feet there are so many things I want to do and post and create. the rendog variants post should be out around Thursday, if all goes well.

thanks for sticking with me despite this whole mess ^w^

[togetherwelove]

Friday 6/19/20

After what felt like a week of high tensions between us, I was finally done processing my emotions and snapped into action.

I quit my job Thursday morning, cutting my 2 week notice in half. R came down to see me instead of going into work. I took him to Amundson park and we talked. I apologized for how I've been acting and reminded him that he is the most important thing in my life. We went over new boundaries for our relationship. He took everything really well.

I got a call from the dr saying they would refill my medication for an infection that hasn't resolved yet. We stopped to pick it up on our way to the city. I accidentally ran into an ex while I was with R while both the ex and I were picking up meds. I don't know what emotions I felt. I still don't. I kept communication direct with R, how I needed him to react. We got out of there as quickly as possible. That's the first time that's happened to me. That hasn't happened at all with Nate or Ashley, that hasn't happened on my own with Dakota. Just when R and I were out together. I don't know what to make of it other than it really sucked and I did the thing where I completely denied the significance so I wouldn't have to deal with the emotions that went with it. Anyhow, ultimately the way R handled it and handled me was exquisite and I couldn't have asked for a better reaction.

Next we went to the city. We went to Menards and looked at the lights together. I wanted to get a picture but I got embarassed. We got paint and blinds for my apartment. We went downtown and looked for an outside blanket, but didn't come up with any. We headed to smokes4less and picked up some more cbd prerolls since that went over so well last time. The person who helped us suggested we try thrift shops for our outside blanket. So we went to goodwill and ALMOST found what we were looking for. After that we headed back home.

At home we packed up all my essential things and packed the car. I cleaned the apartment as we went along. We grabbed the cats and set out for his house, which is going to turn into Our House.

Which actually apart from catching the cats, they did really well. Quiet, and no one vomited. The drive wasn't bad for us either, a quiet two hour countryside drive.

Everything just feels surreal now.

[jinxthequeergirl]

That night

Quentin smith x reader

Summary: a story in which Quentin dies at the hands of freddy and you are left to grieve.

Warning: DEATH AND ANGST!

~~~~~

You stared blankly at your shoes kicked out in front of you with your arms folded across your chest and a spaced out look on your face as your new therapist continued to speak.

"y/n are you listening?" you blinked slowly a few times before looking up at her. "Hmm?...yea! Yes Mrs.newton I...I'm listening."

She sighed looking at you disapointedly. "So...like I was saying in going to ask a few questions just to get a sense of-"

"How bad I am?..."

"That's not reall-"

"No I get it....ask." she opened up her folder on her desk as you adjusted yourself on the couch in front of her looking up at her with your same blank expression. The one that seemed to be frozen on your face ever since that night.

You yawned and rubbed your eyes as she finally settled on a paper.

"Alright so I have just a few basic questions I need you to answer and then some things your mom asked me to review with you alright?"

You nodded spinning your braclet around your wrist. Answering her basic questions with easie. Things like "what hobbies do you have?" "favioret type of music?" silly things like that.

"So would you mind telling me why YOU think your here?"

You let out a heartless chuckle and rolled your eyes looking down at the braclet. "My mom thinks I'm crazy..."

"Why would you think that?"

You looked the answer froze on your lips when you saw him standing there behind her. Face barrely even recanizable cuts all across his torso, his eyes where shut and he breathed slowly.

"y/n?" Mrs.Newton called, your breath seemed to be lost as he just stood there from behind her.

"y/n, what's wrong? What is it?" she looked behind her at the spot where you stared."y/n, answer me, please."

"Que...Quentin?..." You called ojt scooting closer to the edge of tge couch. his eyes shot open revealing black pits instead of eyes and his mouth opened to speak but blood poured from it you jumped back letting out a horrified scream and shutting your eyes. "y/n! y/n! Calm down!" Mrs.Newton had moved from her desk to sit next to you and you opened your eyes not seeing him anymore.

"What happened? What happened?" she yelled attenpting to calme you down, you breathed shakily as she did so, still staring ahead at the corner.

"I...I...I saw him...He was-" if tears wheren't sliding down your face already, they where now.

Mrs.Newton sighed. "Listen to me sweetie...your mother tells me you haven't been sleeping properly now from what I can tell that was simply just a-"

"Micronap?" You interrupt pulling your eyes from the corner. " No...No I know that...I know.." She nodded and moved back to her desk. "Well if you know that...why won't you sleep? You are clearly struggling to deal with the effects of it."

"Be...because..."

"I'm all ears you can trust me."

You opened your mouth to speak but nothing came out as you let your mind wonder to that night.

~

"Hey isn't that it?" you pointed at the preschool just a few feet ahead of the three of you catching both Quentin and nancys attention.

"Yup that's it allright." You nodded starting twoards the building but Quentin grabbed your wrist stopping you from going ahead of them. He let you go when you looked at him frowning as he did so.

"C'mon lets get this over with."

~

"It's my fault he's dead...I should of just stayed awake then i could of waken him up...but..i.."

"y/n,who? Quentin? Nancy? The other kids they found murdered at the preschool with you?"

You nodded slowly,pulling your knees to yojr chest.

"y/n What happened to them was out of your controle-"

"That's not true! you don't understand I could have saved him! He was my best friend and...and I let him die....I let then both die!"

Tears build in your eyes again upon just thinking about it. "Your right I don't understand...but maybe you can tell me so I can understand and help you."

"...it was the same thing with dean, Kris and Jesse....we just wanted it to stop. We wanted HIM to stop!"

"Who?"

~

You grabbed an old lantern from the floor clicking it to life and handing another to Nancy. The place was quite, cold and musty even the slightest sound set you on edge. You walked close to quentin in fear of losing him. "Here!" Nancy called shining her light on a small opeining in the wall, covered by wooden planks poorly nailed to the wall to cover it.

The three of you set to work on pulling them apart, until you where finally in.

~

"Y/n freddy kruger has been dead for years...he can't...he couldn't.."

"You wheren't there! You don't know!" You yelled. She sighed. "Your right...my apologies...why don't we wait to talk about that night...what's sometging you would be comfortable with?"

You shrugged helplessly and continued to play with the braclet on your wrist. "Thats a beautiful braclet...where did you get it?"

"Quentin..." You repiled with a mumble.

"He must have really loved you to get you something like that."

"I mean i guess."

"How about we talk about him, it'll help both of us."

"Ok..." You stated slowly.

~

All you had to do, was stay awake while nancy slept. But neither you or quentin could do that. You both ended up falling asleep cuddled next to eachother.

And then befire you knew it freddy had you pulled into his chest his fingers ready to sclice your throat open and quentin looked on horrified.

"Let her go.." He sayed shakily.

"Quentin... Wake up!"

"No..y/n...its going to be ok...just let her go you fucker!"

Freddy laughed. "Ooh going to play the hero now are you?"

He took a deep wiff of you hair before grinning. "I might just keep her."

With out thinking, he charged at the both of you knocking freddy down.

"Y/n lets go!" He took your hand and started running.

You both looked back every once in a while to check but, you where both stopped when freddy appered infront of you and plunged his knifed fingers deep into Quentins chest.

"No!"

You stumbled back as freddy let him drop. "Y/n...go!" He cried out.

You looked around and grabbed one if the hot pippes burning your hand and waking yourselve up.

"Quentin!" Yiu turned to him in your seat.

"Im fine, im fine..."

You brought a hand up to your mouth looking at the wound in his chest.

"No,no...nancy-" you stopped and fell back seeing freddy had already got to her.

"Y/n get out of here."

"Quentin.." You sat next to him again taking his face gingerly. "Evrything is...everything is going to be ok!" He smiled weakly and leaned up best he could and kissed your cheek.

"Go..."

~

"Bring her back every week and i think eventually, she'll feel comfortable enough to talk about it." You mom nodded.

"I should warn you she had a micronap in the middle of the session..."

Mrs.Newtons voice fadded out as you sat in the sitting room of the theripists office. You looked ahead once again seeing Quentin appere in the seat across from you, black holes staring at you blankly, hurt. Your breath got caught in your throat, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

The truth was you wheren't sure what Freddy did to the two of them, you ran to the to leve of the preschool like quentin had told you, you could hear him scream as you did so. But you saw there bodies and thats not how you left them.

"I'm sorry..."

"What was that?" You opened your eye's to see tour mom infront of you. "Nothing! I...just sleep talking..."

"At least your sleeping...somewhat...c'mon we have to pick up your med refills and dad has dinner cooking."

You nodded and followed her from the office. You looked back and still saw him sitting there but this time freddy sat next to him, holding his hand and waved at you.

"Sweet dreams." He smirked and blew you a kiss.

[runningcryptid]

Journal entry, 10/17/19

So, today was a nightmare lol.

Ran out of meds. I knew this was coming and tried to be proactive, but things went poorly. I'm on a pretty significant dose, and have to have doctor's approval from an in person check up to get my refills. Granted they usually refill me for like three months at a time, so it's not usually a big deal. But I haven't set up a GP here yet, and needed to transfer my records before they would even let me schedule an appointment.

So I filed for my records to be sent, last week. Apparently, they still don't have them. My old GP is three hours away. And yesterday was my last dose.

So today we planned to see Joker with a friend. Super excellent movie, absolutely recommend. Can be very triggering, it is mental illness and trauma focused. Pretty dark and arthouse-y. I enjoyed every minute of it, even though as every minute passed I felt like I was getting more and more sick. By 2 this afternoon, I couldn't stand up, could barely talk, and I needed to do something about my meds situation, quick. If you've never experienced meds withdrawal, it fucking SUUUUUUCKS. Flu like symptoms, nausea, tension pain, sore muscles, irritability, anxiety, blurred vision... awful.

We had to go to an urgent care center and convince them to get me an emergency refill. The doc was super empathetic and gave me another month, huge relief. Who knows if those records will ever send 🤬

Unfortunately my husband took this as an opportunity to lecture me on my avoidance behaviors. I have been avoiding a lot of my personal responsibilities; we have been here since July, and I should have doctors set up. I should be in therapy. Some of the scenes from the movie today reminded me why. And I know it's my responsibility to stay on top of these things. He's my husband, not my mom lol. But I struggle with doing the 'hard thing'. Last time I put all my energy into recovery, I crashed hard, and it ruined a relationship. It's a nasty road to travel, but it's the only road to my destination. And a huge part of me doesn't want to go back. But I can't stay stagnant like this forever. I'm in a weird limbo right now where nothing is bad, but also nothing is really happening either. I need to move forward, even if it hurts.

[narcan-necromancer]

Jesus Christ I have the worst medication manager lmao. He's having me try out a new med for anxiety, but all it's done is make my vision blurry for like 30 mins after I take it, and make me physically unbalanced, paranoid and foggy. My memory is already terrible, but it's almost like I've had little blackouts that I can't remember at all. I can't think clearly.

Just for reference I have DIAGNOSED:

CPTSD, MDD, GAD and an on again off again diagnosis of a panic disorder and agoraphobia depending on how I'm doing mentally.

I have to pay this doctor $95 every single time that I talk to him/see him. He's had me make 4 appointments in the last month. I've been on welbutrin (not a controlled substance) 400mg for 5 years (and Wellbutrin for 10) and he refuses to write me refills and told me that my dosage doesn't exist until I showed him my Walgreens rx history. All of my other doctors in the past have just given me between 3-6 months worth of refills and this dude won't even give me one.

I've been on kpin on and off for years as well. I literally couldn't go to work last week because I was too afraid to go outside. The kpin is getting me through work and social environments while I work on my trauma therapy. Even my fucking therapist suggested it. But what do I get? No refills on any of my medications because he wants me to just give him $95 lmao. Like girl, I haven't been able to work (after my kpin ran out) how the fuck do you expect me to keep paying you like this every 2 weeks.

But I'll try this med until I see him just to give it a fair shot despite all of the negatives so far. I also don't want him to use that as an excuse to not listen to me.

I hate this. The med manager that I had for like 3 years was amazing and spoke directly with my therapist to figure out what needs would work best for me. I really need a new doctor.