#i put too much effort into this that i probably shouldn't have bothered with

[imjustaf444keriguess]

one of my issues with this post is the line here

And how much everyone tried to correct them that plural didn't belong to CDDs? Because it IS so synonymous with endogenic systems?

"plural" was coined to be encompassing of any "more than one" experience, it doesn't belong to endogenic systems or people with CDDs exclusively.

in your original replies to the original post, you stated:

Plural was created as a way for the early endogenic community to distance themselves from the more clinical sounding "multiple," and their disordered counterparts (now we're getting into the horribleness of the natural and empowered multiple stuff). Plural was more associated with grammar than psychology.

but if we are to look at the link, i cannot find any evidence that the system that made that page was solely endogenic, and in fact, the contrary! they directly mention that they are abuse survivors on this page

We identify as abuse survivors. Our abuse included emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse. We will not go into detail here because that's not what this page is about.

yes, this might be similar to how some systems that have gone through trauma may use "adaptive" instead of "traumagenic", but that doesn't make them endogenic, and it seems to imply the page you linked was referring to their own experiences with potential fakeclaiming as a disordered system, and what counts as a "real system".

But who says that multiplicity, per se, is in the domain of doctors and therapists? What is a "real multiple", anyway?

If we cede the power of naming only to doctors and therapists, then we establish a context in which multiplicity is a disorder; and furthermore, a context in which only disordered multiples are considered to be "real".

this is where the line of them mentioning plural as an alternative to "multiple" comes in:

This is one reason our clan encourages use of the word "plural" rather than "multiple". "Multiple", even standing by itself, brings to mind MPD/DID, "multiple personality disorder", "dissociative identity disorder", which are specific diagnoses created by the medical/therapeutic community. "Plural" is a much more neutral word, more commonly heard in the context of grammar than psychiatry. (The other reason, of course, is that plural can be construed to have a broader meaning, applying to anyone(s) anywhere on the continuum who experience themselves as plural in some way. )

that last bit, "applying to anyone(s) anywhere on the continuum who experience themselves as plural in some way", directly means, ANYONE. disordered or not, median/mid-continuum or full on multiple, spiritual or psychological. to claim that it's an endogenic-only label, or to imply that, is silly.

there's even more information on the site that explains what "the continuum" is, according to the website author:

What is the Dissociative Continuum? Caveat: We have no training in the theory of dissociation. What follows is our understanding based on what we have learned from reading, discussion, and experience. Everyone dissociates. At one end of the dissociative continuum is "normal" or "common" dissociation that nearly everyone engages in, such as daydreaming, highway hypnosis or other forms of spacing out, or getting lost in a book. At the other end are the behaviors that characterize "classical" multiples, who may have large numbers of very distinct insiders with little internal communication, serious difficulties with time loss, amnesia, and so on. Between these two extremes, there is a lot of gray. Ranging from having different "roles" that you live out in different situations, to having an "inner child" or "inner children" with varying degrees of separateness, to having "ego states", "parts" or "fragments" that don't seem to be whole people, to having some but not all of the diagnostic criteria for what is now known as DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder (formerly MPD, Multiple Personality Disorder).

this is not to say that people can't be upset due to the term "plural"'s usage, as it can deny people's self identity and labels since many use plural to mean "more than one individual people in a brain", but with the link you gave, i really don't think that was the intended meaning, nor is it the meaning for everyone.

i also don't see why it's such a big deal, in the end. someone used a term to describe a certain experience that people with CDDs and without CDDs experience. if you don't personally like the term, that's fine, but regardless of if you use "plurality" or "multiplicity" or "systemhood" or "the 58 dogs inside of my trenchcoat", if everyone reading understands it to mean "the experience of having multiple parts/alters/headmates/people in a brain", why should the specific word matter unless it's directed towards a specific person?

i already said this in a comment elsewhere, but it just reminds me of people angry over "queer" as a label. yes, for some, it is a slur that triggers them, and they wouldn't want to have that label used for them. but for others, it's a liberating label that doesn't specify anything besides what is needed, and it encompasses many ideas that a phrase like "lgbt" on its own might not.

and unless you want to do the same thing people did with "lgbtq+" and do an acronym with systemhood, plurality, and multiplicity in a phrase to combine their related experiences, then otherwise we have to accept that sometimes people will use words we don't personally like on their personal posts.

Terms, from a syscourse perspective

A very long ramble

We're taking this to a new post, starting fresh, and going more in depth. The original post is off course and confusing, and I've seen a few tags confused by the uptick in polls, so this is for them as well.

SO

We're not talking about which is liked by more people, we're talking about which term hurts people less. We're talking about people who are genuinely offended by the term plural because of the history that many prefer to deny happened.

Welcome outside of your bubble.

There is a very nasty history behind all these terms, and the type of people who identify with them.

Some plural systems, to this very day, proudly use the term empowered, despite the fact that empowered multiples were a literal DID hate group. Like an actual organized one, with multiple websites and political activism. Many still deny the trauma basis of DID.

It was the fight for the word "multiple" that sparked plural, an anti psych alternative, focused on personhood and autonomy of their system in a community that largely boycotted the diagnosis and treatment of MPD/DID at that time. There were groups that demonized anyone who identified with the DID label. There were sites about what failures we were as systems.

Endogenic isn't just the alternative for natural multiples, but empowered ones, too. Plural is far more synonymous with endogenic than CDD.

"System" is the current hot topic. Endogenic systems don't have a right to the word, they're not "real systems," just like vickies wrote about the fight over "real multiples".

Some plurals are scared to use system

History repeating itself, over and over.

And all of these words hurt.

I think we should encourage the use of system for endogenic systems, but that's just me. That is a positive step toward an inclusive word that everyone is happy with. I'm finding that I have a lot more words for my disordered experience that system isn't really something I feel a claim over. If you call me plural, knowing I have DID, you're going to hurt me.

Looks like many are back to liking multiple again, so we can look forward to round two.

But which words hurt the most people?

We are discussing two words specifically.

Plural

and

System

We're not talking about alternatives, the conversation was, "plural is safer than system as a blanket term, less people identify with system, plurality is something we all share," and I said, "no, system is safer than plural as a blanket term, plural is seen as offensive to many CDD systems, the priority of my blog. The vast majority do NOT relate to being plural or plurality, system is what more people relate to and are less bothered by."

The why is because of history and genuine offense, whether you like it or not.

You say that no one complains, but if you had said this the other way around, "systemhood is something we all share," would anyone have been like, "uhm, ackshually, if you call me a system I'm going to cry." What would those polls have looked like? We get a glimpse in the polls now.

So what are the numbers? It's still early, but there's really only two parts of the poll that really matter. Everyone wants more options, but I'm really only talking about the options for uncomfortable.

Plural vs system.

"Not medical" vs "medical"

Pro endo vs anti endo

Words are the root of syscourse, are they not? How many antis say, "if endos just didn't call themselves systems"?

Based on the numbers, system is the safer term to hurt fewer people. Endogenic systems mind system less than CDD systems mind plural. The complaints you're going to get would be more along the lines of, "endos aren't systems," rather than, "hey, careful, that can be offensive."

Are we finally saying the fight over "system" is over and antis won, plural is better now? Well, then, I don't know that lumping anti endos under plural is going to help the syscourse divide at all. Remember a couple months ago when antis forgot that they didn't invent plural? The big war over pluralpunk? And how much everyone tried to correct them that plural didn't belong to CDDs? Because it IS so synonymous with endogenic systems?

Start at the top of the post, reread, the fight starts again. Don't put antis, mostly CDD systems angry at endogenics, under the plural umbrella. I know we're not prioritizing their comfort, but it doesn't just hurt antis, but pro endo CDD systems, too. Our history is important.

And going to be honest, my memory is not that great. I'm going to forget my friend's preferred terms and I'm going to offend people. I would rather offend them with system. Less chance, less hurt. System is the most popular, across the board. I believe it's lost its synonymity with CDD.

I would REALLY love to hear opinions on this from all sides.

[itsfairly]

if no one is going to talk about nanami's suspenders, i will.

nanami dresses really professionally, who else is going to wear a suit when going to fight curses? but it's the way he dresses professionally that it's interesting. sure, the colors on his suit aren't the most common combination to see in an office job, but when you focus on the pieces, you can tell he puts an effort into looking that way. slacks ironed right in the middle to get that prominent line, how he always makes sure to shine his shoes before they become too dull, and then his suspenders...god, you still remember the first he took them off in front of you.

you see, his suit can be pretty deceiving, hiding all his body underneath it. not just skin, but also build. so its no surprise if some things get tight around his body. Some things being said suspenders.

once the blazer was off and nanami placed his cleaver away, he sat on the bed with his back facing you as he unclasped the clips of his suspenders, the small click-click getting your attention from your phone as you stole a quick glance at him. you didn't thought much of it at first until you hear a quiet, but very noticeable in the silent room, groan as he slipped the garment off, making your heart skip a beat.

from there on, you continued to enjoy the view in silence, mentally thanking that his back was facing you and he wouldn't notice you staring. his shirt was the next to go, agonizingly slow as he worked through the buttons with the little energy he had from his mission today. but once unbuttoned, nanami took the shirt off and you felt your heart make its presence to you once more as it beat faster and faster. not because more skin was exposed to you, but because you understood why it was his suspenders that made him groan.

they were tight around his body, and after a day's work, they had left marks behind.

you dont know why the sight captivated you so badly. i mean, he wore something so elegant to work, something other people wouldn't wear given his line of work, something that probably left his skin sore. but god, you would be lying his seeing those marks didn't spark something in you.

but now, the backseat to this sight didn't satisfy you enough, so you stood up, walking to the other side of the room to steal a glance or two under the pretense of getting a sweater. if his back was a sight, the front was just as much. the x shape on his back extended over to his shoulder, draping the marks down his chest in two lines until they ended on both his sides. it was hard to play off the glances, having to remind yourself that you shouldn't be too obvious as you turned to your closet and search for your excuse (a sweater).

in a weird way, those marks were almost erotic, reminding you that nanami is much more muscular than his clothes make him seen. after all, just how tight (and how long) those suspenders could be if they left such marks? you just wanted to trace them with your fingers, letting the marks dictate where you would caress, feeling the slight dents in his skin as you soothed them over with your lips as you kissed over them, hearing him sigh and groan the more you went south until you...

"something wrong?" nanami asked, snapping you out of your thoughts as you turned your head to look at him.

"just choosing a sweater. i got chilly," you smiled at him, taking whatever sweater as quickly slipping it on.

nanami, to your dismay, had already changed out of his clothes and into his sweatpants, hiding away those marks that had caught your attention so quickly. he stood up from the bed, coming behind you and wrapping his arms around you with a chuckle.

"my darling is cold? i can't have that, you know?" he said, rubbing your sides affectionately to warm you up, not that he needed to when you were already quite hot and bothered now. "i can make you some tea if you want."

you chuckled, ignoring his hands on you (otherwise you would push him onto the bed when his body was probably too sore for that). turning around to face him, you place your hands on his shoulders to try and sneak a touch over where his suspenders would be, making you feel that anticipation was your hands roam down to rest on his chest as if you were already following along his marks.

"sounds nice, love," you nod, letting him taking your hand and guiding you to the kitchen.

maybe next time you would get a chance to feel those marks. this time, skin to skin. even better, take off those suspenders yourself.

[yikesmary]

PREGNANCY CRAVINGS — choi seungcheol x reader

summary: where being pregnant comes with its struggles, and one of them just so happens to be the random pregnancy cravings. so, in the middle of the night, you try to sneak out and go to the convenience store nearby and buy something to satisfy your craving. however, your husband wakes up and insists to accompany you—even if he’s barely awake.

notes: the convenience store i've pictured in mind are like the ones i've seen in korea. but i don't really address where this occurs in, so use your imagination!

disclaimer: i'm not pregnant or have been pregnant so everything i write about pregnancy is most likely not true and therefore shouldn't be taken as fact (unless it's true, but make sure it's validated by an actual medical professional).

join my taglist!

“Oh, Cheol, you absolute asshole,”

You tried using all your strength to push your husband’s sleeping figure away from you, the heat coming from his body was too much for you. Trying to move him away was an obstacle, especially because he was working out more as of lately.

But finally, you had managed to cause enough noise in trying to move him that Seungcheol finally moved himself, scooting more onto his side.

You looked down at your pregnant belly and told your unborn child, “All that effort I put into moving him, and all he has to do is move himself?”

Huffing, you stood up and went to your closet, looking for an appropriate shirt to change into in order to go to the convenience store. In hindsight, you could probably have used your phone to order something, but the problem was you didn’t know what you were craving.

You knew that the baby was craving something, but didn’t know what. So, you decided that you were going to walk to the store and let the baby decide while walking through the aisles.

You rummaged through your clothes before going through Seungcheol’s side of the closet. As the pregnancy goes on, you’ve found yourself wearing more of Seungcheol’s clothes since they seemed to fit you better and were comfier than the maternity clothes that you never wore.

"What are you doing?"

You turned around in surprise to see Seungcheol standing, looking quite comfy in his pajama pants and a random old shirt. Being the one for dramatics (which you probably got from your husband), you put your hand on top of where your heart was. "You scared me! I think I almost gave birth then," you said.

He rolled his eyes and then rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "What are you doing?" He repeated.

"Oh, I was gonna go to the convenience store. The baby wants to eat something," you told him.

"Can't the baby wait for the morning?"

"The baby wants to eat, now."

"Then why don't you order something?"

"The baby doesn't know what to eat," you sheepishly said.

He looked at you for a moment, before reaching behind you to grab a hoodie. "Fine, let's go," he said, turning to leave yours and his' bedroom.

"I'm fine on my own," you insisted.

"You're pregnant and it's two in the morning. I'm coming with you," Seungcheol said, before yawning.

"Cheol, you're barely awake enough to be coming with me. You need your sleep," you gently said, but he was stubborn.

"I'm suddenly hungry too, so I'll just come with you to buy some food," he said.

Once you and Seungcheol entered the convenience store, you were greeted by the quietness of the place and the single employee that was stood behind the cash register.

You looked around the aisles while your husband followed not too far away from you. "Choose what you want, I'll be paying," he instructed and you didn't bother to argue, considering he always insisted on paying.

Wandering around, you grabbed your favorite snacks, a couple ramen cups, and a few of Seungcheol's favorite foods. Realizing that you should've gotten a basket, you looked at Seungcheol, who seemed to be amused with your current predicament of full hands.

"Don't laugh, it's not funny!" you whined, but he only seemed to amuse further with your comment.

Wordlessly, he left the aisle to grab a basket. When he returned with the basket, you dumped everything in it, and he carried it while you walked around the aisles one last time.

After making sure you didn't want anything else, Seungcheol went to the register, with you waddling behind him.

"Was it worth it to ruin our sleeping schedules for this?" Seungcheol teased, and you nodded with a mouthful of ramen noodles.

He shook his head but opened his mouth and you put a chopstick with ramen noodles on it in his mouth. "Not bad," he said and you beamed at his compliment.

"Is the baby satisfied with the food?"

"Yep, and the baby is finally tired enough to sleep," you said.

Waddling to your bedroom, with Seungcheol not too far from you, you settled into your bed, and closed your eyes.

"Sweetie?"

"Yes, Cheol?"

"I can't sleep now,"

[yanxidarlings]

sorry to bother you but i’m obsessed with your writing style 😭 would you consider writing something where theodore nott and mattheo riddle fight over gender neutral/male reader? <3

YANDERE THEODORE NOTT VS YANDERE MATTHEO RIDDLE

take notes, aspiring requesters, this is what i like to see 💖😩✊ so i still should be prioritising the poll results, but this is way too tempting.

this turned out long as dumbledores beard so i might make a part 2 in the future with more details about the poly yanderationship. i tried out some actual scenes so please be honest if they were shit or not because i only want to embarrass myself once.

• ok, so, to put it shortly; the reader/darling is fucked. like. you couldn't have gotten a worse pair of yanderes. both are some of the worst at sharing (ok i know i say that for everyone, but listen). yet, it's not completely off the table.

• once they hop of their high horse and decide to come to an agreement, that's when the darling should be scared. two yandere's fighting is better than them getting along because at least they're distracting each other. and the agreement really only stands until a chance arises for one to eliminate the other. so unless the darling really likes them both, the hostility never ends, there's just a break in between.

to put it not shortly; i like the idea here that they've known each other since childhood, i saw a headcanon somewhere in the depths of wattpad that theo and theo have known each other since they were like 3 so i'm just gonna roll with it.

the darling had never suspected they would harbour such dark thoughts. sure, they once sent each other to st mungos 'play fighting' when they were 9, but that was just them rough housing. okay and there was that one time in 1st year transfiguration when mattheo turned theodore into a raccoon and said he didn't know how to turn him back. oh and that fist fight over who got to take the darling to the yule ball was kind of terrifying, if he hadn't pulled them off each other, they probably would have kept going until the other was dead...

• okay so the darling was getting pretty suspicious over time. not to mention, mattheo is pretty transparent about his actions, and belief that the reader is beholden to him in every way. and theodore makes to effort to hide his intentions of wedding the reader oneday.

• it didn't take long for mattheo and theodore to catch on to each other, especially if they shared a dorm with their darling, but either way, running into each other whilst stalking the reader down the halls and having to awkwardly sit next to each other whilst watching the reader sleep, quickly revealed the others obsession.

• theodore frankly is just offended that mattheo even thinks he's worthy of the reader. it's not official yet but theo is the one that's betrothed to the reader, theo is the one that met the reader first and most importantly, theodore is the darlings friend, not mattheo.

to set the scene, theodore has finally worked up the gall to sneak into the darlings dorm and watch as they sleep, something he'd been itching to do lately; they had been coming to class looking lethargic, eating less at meals, and just seemed out of it lately. he was just going to make sure they were sleeping well, that's all he meant, but when he quietly enters their dorm, none other than mattheo riddle sits on their bed, resting on his palms, creepily staring at theodore's precious darling as they slep.

"what the fuck are you doing" is his initial reaction. he probably shouldn't have said it so loud, as the reader stirred in his sleep. "get off him" he continued, in a whispered yell. the situation escalated pretty quickly, with theodore dragging mattheo off the bed, only to be met with a swift punch to the face.

"mind your own fucking business, nott" mattheo spat, "and get out" gesturing towards the door. if the reader hadn't started to slowly wake up at that moment, this story would have a much simpler ending.

no words were said as they returned to the slytherin dorm. theodore was woken up just hours later with a wand to his neck "if i ever catch you in l/n's dorm again, i'll end you." theodore didn't say anything at that moment, but in no way was he backing down.

• what followed was a series of hostility between the two. before, the threat of the other was only miniscule, because they both planned to whisk their darling away eventually.

• each hosmeade visit would be accompanied by the flanking of the darling, mattheo on the right and theodore on the left, doesn't matter if the reader had other plans, to bad so sad theodore wants to show them a new quill and mattheo has nothing else to do but follow his darling.

• the holidays are a nightmare, mattheo is going to show up unannounced no matter what, only to find theodore already settled in for a sleepover at readers house. the darling is on edge from the passive aggressive remarks, boarding on aggressive aggressive.

• it's impossible for one to pursue any kind of relationship without being intercepted by the other. oh, theodore asked reader out on a date? what a shame the day came by and he ended up in the hospital wing after falling down a flight of stairs. mattheo impromptly kissed reader? theodore's pulling them to him the moment after.

• this goes on kind of indefinately, until something trigger's a change. maybe it's voldemorts return, maybe the darling is injured, or maybe they begin a relationship with someone else. when their darling's safety and exclusivity to them is threatened, the theo's will reluctantly put aside their 'differences'.

• the change in behaviour is unnerving to say the least for the darling, his two slythergremlins suddenly getting along? in what alternate universe-

instead of pulling reader away from studying with theodore, mattheo calmly sat down, swung his legs over readers legs, his feet resting on nott's thigh and lit up a cigarette "you two still go to history of magic? i thought nott was supposed to be a slytherin, and surely you've got better things to do"

mattheo ignored pince scolding him in the distance, but his darling had already snatched the cigarette from his fingers "do you mind" "no". confusing the reader even more, theodore silently leaned behind him and motioned for mattheo to hand him a smoke, using his wand to light it up.

nott went back to studying, whilst the darling just sat there, looking back and forth between the two slytherins. "are- what- ... nevermind" the afternoon continued as usual, aside from the unusual behaviour witnessed.

• it wasn't a one time thing, instead of fighting over who'd partner with the reader in potions, they seemingly took turns. same with hodsmeade visits, and anything they couldn't do at the same time.

• things gradually became less platonic, from calling the reader "pretty boy" and forehead kisses from theodore, to blantant flirting and neck kisses from mattheo, rumours were understandably spreading.

mattheo furrowed his brows as his darling pulled away from his attempted neck kiss "everything good?" he asked, fiddling with strands of the others hair "you know people think we're gay and dating, right?" "aren't we?"

• things are kind of unofficially official, there was no discussion or agreement made between the darling and the theo's, things just escalated to the point everyone at hogwarts knew the reader was involved with nott and riddle in some way.

• it would honestly be sweet, if the reader was a willing participant. it's all fun and games until reader rejects the advances, and questions the possessiveness.

• mattheo will gaslight him whenever he tries to pull away, framing the entire relationship as readers idea. theodore simply scoffs, and tells him he doesn't know what's good for him, that's why you need me. silly darling can barely take care of himself, much less make good decisions, in general and romantically.

"okay then, who would you be with if you could pick? granger? i saw the way you looked at her the other day. god forbid you'd pick malfoy, he's got a golden clad stick up his ass" theodore chuckled, patting his darling on the back "my bed or riddle's tonight?" the smile he was giving his darling was almost taunting, as if to dare him to do something about his situation.

[eluxcastar]

The little brotherfication of Capitano

── ୨୧：il capitano & reader

୨୧﹑synopsis :: the sillies being silly and also

୨୧﹑genre :: fluff

୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child capitano, reader is as usual implied to be a few years older, reader can be seen as kind of an asshole, this is actually kinda sad toward the end, also capitano is human sorry 😔

୨୧﹑words :: 1.4k

ok this one I thought about and was like "this one. cute." Idk whether to do Signora or Dottore next (could be another one too)

all little siblingification posts

Capitano's fondest memories come mostly from you agreeing to teach him things you shouldn't. Running off into a part of the woods far enough away nobody will see or hear and finding a clearing to teach him how to use a sword. Should you have been doing it? Absolutely not, and especially not so far from your house, but his only exposure to fighting can't be hunting forever.

You started slow with him, cautious. You probably didn't expect him to pick it up as well as he did, because you weren't putting that much effort in at first. You taught him proper form and how to swing it but not much else. There was no technique until he ran around bothering you enough times you got tired of shoving him off.

Unknowingly, you had ignited quite a passion within him.

You were much better than he was, able to maneuver and adapt to your opponent, solely because you had to experience to do so. You were no longer worrying about things like form or how you held your sword. They were memory to you while he was still having to focus to get it all right.

At first Capitano was embarrassed by your corrections, but they became pointers of where to improve and he decided instead to treat them like homework every time you'd reach around from behind him and adjust him a little, shuffle his hands a bit and fix his posture, finally tilting his head back to tell him to focus.

He focused so hard, to impress you and persuade you to come back instead of leaving him to practice alone until he irritated you enough about it to make you give in.

Did he enjoy doing that? No. You'd shoved him so many times he'd memorised what hitting the floor felt like. Capitano was desperate, however, to have something he could do with you. He idolised you so much, and finally he was getting your attention and favour. You were so busy and perhaps cared a bit more for people your age than your little brother who was immature and reminded you of your younger self but you were paying attention and that was what mattered to him.

Strangely Capitano didn't mind every time he hit the ground this time.

At the end of it all you would sit Capitano down and clean any nick and cuts he'd gotten whether from your recklessness of his unsteady way of handling that sword. He was not to move, or tell your parents unless he didn't want to receive another lesson.

You couldn't teach him as well in the winter, too busy with all the extra chores, but you did take him hunting. You never quite coddled him as much as he might've liked, but you took him to do something fun and spoke to him instead of running off to do it yourself. The only problem was that Capitano never actually got to do anything.

Animals don't linger for the winter, and unwilling to let him and everyone else in the family go hungry, you didn't want him trying. This wasn't a teachable moment. It was time to get food when there was not an abundance of it. Even if all you could get were birds, that was ok. Birds were still something to eat so that he didn't go hungry in your mind.

Ice fishing was the other option, and he was better at that, even when he was young. You'd walk him out to the lake, frozen over and carve out the hole for him to sit and fish in. If Capitano complained enough about the cold, you might lend him your coat and let him sit a little closer. If you got cold, you'd ignore it, but he was smaller and more fragile. He needed those fingers of his to fish and hunt, so losing them to hypothermia was not an option. Maybe that was how you justified letting him sit in your lap while you encased his smaller hand in your own to warm him as much as you could. It wasn't much, but the intention of it all made him giddy.

Of course, when he got overexcited as a result and tried to get you to carry him back, he was hit with a whiplash as you told him to walk. He should've expected that, though.

You collapsing into bed the second all work was done and sleeping like a baby for the next three hours despite it still being afternoon probably should've given away that he didn't work as much as you. Winter was always too busy for you, and he never fully registered that at the time, only thinking he should wait impatiently.

Your mother asking him to check on you once or twice probably wasn't helping, as he'd always find you just as asleep as he left you. You never covered yourself with the blankets, though. There was no way you were hot, but maybe you were just that exhausted. Regardless, he would always climb onto your bed to fix the blankets for you and cover you up so that you wouldn't wake up from the cold.

Every time he'd tell you it was him who did it to make sure you were warm, he'd get a hug and a pat on the back.

He better not find his way into your bed, though, not unless you were already awake when he climbed in and asked you first. Otherwise, Capitano would wake up cold and on the floor. It wasn't uncommon for him to try to convince you by saying the two of you should pile all of your blankets together and share a bed. He was hardly subtle about the fact he just didn't want to sleep alone and sometimes even got scared when he did.

It was so strange to you when he up and decided he was joining the Fatui one day. Maybe he thought you would be proud or something. You definitely weren't. The exact words you said were something along the lines of how he wouldn't get far because they don't want pansies and wimps among their ranks. Capitano was neither of those things, and it stung a little, at least until it took him all of five minutes to realise you didn't want him to leave.

Of course you didn't, even though he got massively upset at the time. He'd been seeking your approval for years, it was no wonder why.

But in a way, it makes sense. Everything you did, as much as Capitano may not have liked it then, was ultimately because you wanted to protect him in a way that would allow him to protect himself eventually. You never wanted to coddle him too much but guided him and had a shocking amount of patience for his incessant whining and pestering. This was not part of that, letting him wander off to a place you couldn't teach him at a time you thought he wasn't ready.

How would you sit him down by the river and rinse his wounds before walking him home to clean them properly? You hadn't taught him that yet. His food? How would he align his bow perfectly if all he'd done for months was sword practice? Did he even know what it was like outside of your little world?

You were worried for him greatly, understandably, and that was not the kind of reaction he wanted. He wanted you to smile because you thought he was ready, but you didn't, and you might never.

Of course you would show it in that same crass way you always did.

Of course you would beg him, now tall enough to have to look down at you, not to go. The only time he has ever made you cry, as he was always curious if you did, was when you were faced with the prospect of your baby brother possibly getting in over his head and endangering himself with his ambition. He realised then that was what you really wanted, for him to be safe, and he cried with you.

Mind made up, Capitano wanted you to take care of yourself for a while without worrying about him. All he could do was assure you that he would be fine. Eventually, he would make you proud.

CROSSPOSTED ON AO3

[felixcloud6288]

PMMM episode 8

Sayaka, that's not- You shouldn't- I mean, that's one way to use healing magic in combat.

Tanking and healing wounds is probably not very magic efficient. I'd offer Sayaka some suggestions, but I doubt she'd listen to me on account of her being in a highly self-destructive mindset and due to her being a fictional character who cannot hear me through the tv.

Seriously, why do they put so much detail in random object closeups. That lantern with water flowing down it looks amazing.

Mami did warn against making a selfless wish and now Sayaka is getting the reason why. She ultimately got nothing out of her deal with Kyubey. She can't even say that she's at least alive like Mami could.

Okay, Homura's power is definitely time related. That domain she and Kyouko are hanging out in is just a magic clocktower.

I genuinely don't feel sorry for Sayaka at all because she didn't take her shot with Kyousuke.

I'm going to guess Homura isn't so much concerned for Madoka's well-being as she is in making sure Madoka doesn't have any reason to ever become a Magical Girl. And it's definitely more than just not wanting a stronger rival. Homura is putting in far too much effort.

That whole scene in the train is as black-and-white as Sayaka's moral code. Being a Magical Girl is a job, not a moral duty.

I genuinely got shocked to see Kyubey grooming himself. His expression has never changed so I wasn't expecting him to have a tongue.

You can't get that kind of starry sky with the amount of light pollution there.

Okay. Yeah. Homura definitely has time magic.

She didn't even bother to use magic. She just gunned down Kyubey.

What just happened? Madoka just forgot who Homura was.

Kyubey acting like a cute little animal is him just mocking Homura's inability to kill him.

In-KYU-BEY-tor. Clever.

So Homura has time magic and is not from this timeline. So something bad happened to Madoka in another timeline. And I guess Homura's wish was to stop that from happening?

So witches ARE corrupted magical girls. Kyubey's words imply that is intentional though. Like they're supposed to do that.

Sayaka's soul gem turned into a grief seed when she transformed.

back

[jelly-and-strawberries]

Music Event Scenario ♡

Since apparently there's no scene for the image... I made one myself. Hope you like it.

After we managed to make that cacophonous snake go away, the guys and I finally breathed a sigh a relief.

"Why do I feel this isn't the first time we end up fighting a gigantic snake to save the day?" Said Mathieu with a strong feeling of deja vu.

"Last Christmas was the same, remember? A snake was stealing gifts" Mentioned Nevra who instead of looking tired had a bothered expression in his face. Probably because we five were always the ones who had to solve the problems on special occasions like today.

"Hopefully, it won't come back next year" Voiced Leiftan as if reading the mind of all of us.

"Don't give it ideas" Retorted Lance with irritation. It was understandable, we had wasted a lot of our time just so the others back at H.Q could enjoy the music festival. Now, the sun was going down and the concert would start-...

"OH NO!" I shouted causing the four to turn their heads in my direction. "What time is it?!"

"Ummm the sun is almost gone, so I would say... it's six or seven o'clock" Answered Mathieu nonchalantly.

"FUCK, I'M SO LATE!" I practically ran past the woods towards the H.Q while thinking how to be ready in five minutes.

"Late for what? If I may ask..." Asked Leiftan who catched up to me with the rest.

"The concert!" I said without slowing down my pace. Thanks to the their silence, I knew they didn't understand my sudden urge to go. "Remember I was supposed to sing a human song for Lady Beulanelle?"

"Shit, that's true" Mumbled Mathieu while messing with his hair.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" I gave Nevra a hard look for his unsupportive words.

"I can't go on stage like this, I look like I got beat up!" It was not a good time for Nevra to get on my nerves. "Besides, Purriry made me a special outfit for the ocassion".

"Dressing up shouldn't take you too long" Said Lance, another one who did not understand my struggle.

"I also have to do my hair and make up" I explained feeling deeply stressed. "I'll never be ready on time..."

Now Huang Hua will have another thing to use against me and make me feel guilty.

"How about we help you?" Offered Leiftan. "I can do your make up."

Leiftan... I couldn't help to look at him with adoration.

"I can help with the hair, I have a lot of experience because of Karenn" Said Nevra avoiding my gaze, maybe because he was feeling a little embarrased. I wasn't expecting him to help me too.

"And surely there's something that Lance and I can do as well" Mathieu and Lance... I wasn't expecting them to help me, but I was really grateful for their support. "What do you say? Do you let us help you out?

"Thank you, guys!"

[ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ]

Once I took a shower, Mathieu and Lance helped me put on my clothes. The outfit consisted of different pieces, so it was going to take some effort to get it perfect.

I was gadly surprised with the seriousness they took in doing the task.

I had the impression that their hands lingered in some parts of my body while adjusting my clothes, but maybe it was my imagination.

I had four guys over me, I was bound to feel self-conscious.

On the other hand, Nevra and Leiftan looked very concentrated while doing my hair and make up.

The vampire was brushing my hair with the utmost care. I even caught him smiling, something very weird nowadays.

I could feel Nevra's breath against my neck which was making me feel flustered.

And with Leiftan it was no different... his face was right in front of mine. It was impossible to avoid his passionate emerald eyes.

It was so hard to remain calm when he applied the lipstick. By the way he smirked, I was sure he knew the effect he was having in me.

This situation was so surreal.

I was so thankful.

Maybe after the concert ended, I could compesate them for their hard work...

I had several ideas in mind and surely they had some of their own.

The image gives me so much material girl energy, I love it ♡

[thornofthelily]

I wanted some writing practice and to break myself out of my rut, so I tried writing an audio RP using one of my old OCs! I doubt anyone will see this random script but if you want to use it, ask first. This is an old dear OC of mine and I'm not sure I'd continue writing his story like this or want to have someone else read him out, but it is a fun exercise. Info and script below the cut!

[M4A / M4M / M4F ] Chatting with a brooding stranger at a bar [Alcohol] [Mysterious past] [More mysterious job] [Tattooed speaker] [Melancholic meetcute]

[Distant thumping music, loud chattering voices. One distinct voice calls out clearly through the din]

Bartender? One beer, please. [Beat] Huh? [Exasperated] I don't know what kind. Just, whatever the cheapest one is. [Beat] Actually, wait, no, scratch that. Get me whichever one doesn't taste like shit. The least shit beer, please. [Barstool scraping, settling down] 

[Quietly, to himself] I mean, they all taste like shit, why bother… [finally, to listener] Oh, hey there. [Beat] What? I mean, yeah it's probably expensive, but it's not like I'm gonna drink that much. I doubt I'll even finish the first bottle. I don't really like beer. Or bars. Or alcohol, really. 

[Beat]

[Soft chuckle] Yeah, pretty bad place for me to be then, I know. It wasn't exactly my choice, but I'm supposed to [massive sarcasm] "have fun", so that's what I'm gonna do. Or at least pretend to do. Mostly for appearances.

[Bottle clicks on the table] Ah, right from the bottle, huh? Cool. [Takes a sip, swallows.] Bleugh. Yeah, no, this one's shit too. Why is all beer so shitty? Tastes like someone blended up old stale bread with some ditch water and artificial flavor then foamed it up for maximum mouth feel horror. [Sound of bottle sliding across the bar] I'll pass. But hey, at least I can say I tried. Went to the bar, had an expensive beer, hated it. Maybe I won't get asked to do this again. 

[Beat] Nah, I'm here alone. [Beat] Friends? I don't - well, I was going to say I don't have friends, which would sound pretty fucking pathetic. How about we say I'm not here with friends right now. [Beat] Actually, no. I'm here because my boss told me to. 

See, I just got this new job. I had my first day a few weeks ago, things were going fine, but Boss said I need to chill out. I'm too uptight, can't relax, I'm not "being a team player." Says I need to go out and mingle, have a few drinks, talk to some people. [Beat. Snorts in contempt] No, she isn't cool. Trust me. She's one of the most terrifying women I think I've ever met. I bet she has someone watching me right now just to see if I did what she asked. 

Seriously. I wouldn't put it past her. It always seems like she knows what I'm going to say before I say it, but she's asking me just to test me, see if I'll fuck up or try to lie. So I'm making the bare minimum effort to do what she asked. I'm sure if I just tried to lie she'd figure me out and… do something about it. Give me a hard time at work or something. 

[Beat]

I can't… ugh, I probably shouldn't tell you what I do. I might have said too much already. [Beat] No, no, it's… it's not like that. What, do I look like some kind of government black ops guy? [Beat] The neck tattoo…? Yeah, what about it? [Beat. Soft chuckle] What, so having a neck tattoo suddenly makes me look like a scary guy? Nah. Trust me, I'm a softie. This is the only tattoo I have. These thorns I have around my neck might look intense, but they're actually rose thorns. 

[Beat]

Where's the rose… heh. Well, it's somewhere I don't usually show people, let's say that. Ah, and no, I will not tell you where. Let a guy have his privacy. 

[Beat]

… what is that you're drinking? Looks cute. Gotta be better than that beer. Mind if I try a sip…?

[Beat. Glass tinkling, small sip. Contemplative hum]

…mmm. Not bad. Too sweet for my liking, but at least I can't taste the alcohol. Maybe I'll have one of those next time. 

[Beat]

[Amused, a little sardonic]… yeah, yeah, next time. Fine, maybe I will head out a little more often. And maybe it's not so terrible, being out in a place like this. Sure, it's too loud and the beer sucks and I can't even smoke in here, but maybe I can try one of these and find more cool people to talk to. [Soft chuckle] Yes, I do mean you. You seem cool. Thanks for the drink, by the way. What was it called again? [Beat] Right. I'll remember that.  

[Beat]

Really? That much? What, is that your way of telling me I need to pay you back for the sip I took? [Soft chuckle] I'm joking. I mean, I would if you asked, even if it is expensive. I kind of like that, actually. Keeps you from drinking too much. Unless you have deep enough pockets not to care, which I don't. 

[Beat] Yeah, why do you think I took the job with that scary woman? Because I have money to burn? No, I'm not… well. Again, I was going to say I'm not desperate, but I guess I kinda was, when I ended up on her doorstep. Now I'm doing stuff I'd rather not be doing, but at least the pay is good and it's not technically illegal. [Beat] Yes, technically. And again, no, I'm not going to tell you what it is. I don't wanna ruin whatever good will keeps you talking to me. It's not illegal and it doesn't hurt anyone, and it will make me good money. It's just… not what I imagined I'd be doing, I guess. 

[Beat]

… I don't know what I'd be doing instead, actually. I've been in survival mode so long, I never considered what I really want. I feel like this is the first breath I've been able to take in years. Even if I'm not totally happy with where I'm at, it's better than where I've been, which is saying something. [Pause] Maybe she was right. Maybe I did need some time out to chill. Maybe I'm not being tested and she was genuinely worried I was burning out already. 

[Laughs] Yeah, no I don't think so. [Beat] It's not that she's mean, she's just fucking intense. I don't think she has ever relaxed a day in her life, so I don't expect she actually wants me too, either. This whole thing, it's probably just something she considers part of my job. So I guess it's fine. [Beat] Yeah, it is. I'm fine with it. If this is all she asks of me, I'm fine with it. 

[Beat]

But I'm not finishing that beer. If she wants me to like beer, she can get over it. You can have it, if you want. [Money, coins and paper, rattle on the table] I've done my job for the night. Thanks for making it a little less miserable. 

[Beat]

… call me Briar. [Beat] No, it's not my real name. [Beat] If you want to think it's a code name, I won't stop you, but that's the name I'm going by now. I'm sure that'll make her happy to know I'm using it. [Beat] Yeah, no, not getting into that, either. 

[Beat] … I have a business card that has my number on it, but I don't think we're there yet. Maybe if you hang around the bar sometimes, I'll catch you next time I'm… "working." [Beat] Yeah. I hope I see you around too. Have a good night. Enjoy your drinks.

[thatonebabybat]

Okay. Long rant ahead, but... I'm bothered by those ppl who use "SaYiNG GoTH IS A MUsIc SuBCULtUrE IS ABLEISt BC DEaF PeOpLE CaN'T LIStEN TO It--" as a reason for why they think they can call it an aesthetic or a fashion style. Like.

1. Blind people can't see aesthetics so what are you getting at here exactly?? Is liking aesthetics bad because some people can't see them? Your own logic is working against you here tbh..

2. The people saying this generally aren't deaf and therefore probably shouldn't be speaking for the deaf community. (I don't intend to either, so if you're deaf and reading this and there's something you'd like for me to correct or work on, please feel free.)

3. I'm sure most goths would be chill w a deaf person hanging out w them as long as they understand the history and are participating in the community in some meaningful way. Like, they might not be able to hear the music, but they may still be able to read/appreciate the written lyrics, or maybe they can't hear the music but they still enjoy clubbing and like participating in goth nights… And there are still deaf music artists so that's always an option too- Plus, some deaf people can still like music on occasion bc hearing aids have gotten really advanced, so to lump them all together as being completely unable to enjoy it at all is strange… There's a lot of ways a deaf person could still be able to chill in a music subculture. I don't think anyone is intentionally excluding deaf people from the scene. I would like to think most people would be understanding in that specific scenario.

..Doesn't explain why an able-bodied person with access to as much music as they could ever possibly want through the internet gets to totally ignore it though. I think it says a lot that these people are aware of their privilege to be able to listen to music and participate in the community in that way, but instead decide to use disabled people as a shield for why they shouldn't have to put in even a tiny bit of effort before claiming a 40+ year old subculture for themselves. They don't actually care about making goth more accessible, if they did they'd be subtitling music videos, or posting the lyrics and translations of goth songs to lyric sites, or making more efforts to make goth events more comfortable for disabled people… But no. It's just about them.

4. Even if someone decided being goth wasn't for them because they were deaf and couldn't hear the music, no one is saying you're a lesser person or "bad" somehow for not being a goth. Like. Deaf people can be goth. But becoming a goth isn't a requirement. If it's not your thing it's not your thing, but it does mean a lot to the people who have been in the subculture for a long time. If you like the fashion and not the music, just use another word for it (alt/darkalt is a personal favorite of mine, but there's other tags you can use too) and call it a day, no one's judging you for that. It's not like people who don't like goth music can't express themselves with fashion or moodboards, I'm fine with that. I like doing that myself. Just don't call it goth if it doesn't have anything to do with goth music. Don't flood a music tag with completely unrelated content. It's rlly not that hard. Idk why people get so hung up on NEEDING to use this one word for things that have nothing to do with that word. It's absurd the lengths people will go just to take over someone else's label when it's totally unnecessary.

I'd love to hear thoughts from the actual disabled community on the topic though. What do you think goths could do to make the space more accessible? How do you feel about these kinds of arguments?? I'd like to get to know more about the subject.

[faenix-fire]

As much as joking about the fly list was fun for some of us it's time to be serious as many have said.

One of the things I want to talk about it how the US is a master of monitoring people.

The no fly list is a tip of an iceberg, an ugly head of a hydra. It should be acknowledged talked about spread around but the issue of what even allows the list in the first place has to be acknowledged too. Quite a few people end up on it for their name, background, and how they are profiled by the government. The problem is it doesn't stop there, it can start with it but it becomes an active search and they start guzzling data on these people.

So let's talk about the problem. You are a transaction while online or using any sort of WiFi or tech. They know where you are, what you buy, the content you love, the conversations you engage in. You should be scared because you may not be a person on interest that would ever be on the list in question but that doesn't matter! You shouldn't have to be in that situation to care your in danger now too, even if you don't think they're doing anything to you they are. You can blissfully ignore it because you think your safe that's exactly what they want.

The data they gather is bought and sold and even if you aren't a us citizen. Having a presence makes you a profit for websites and ads. This might not bother some people and that's exactly what they want, it won't bother you because you can't know what they know. They know what illegal activities you may get up too, they can know the type of red flags you give off to them such as having political beliefs they find wrong or a danger. They will withhold and store all sorts of data on who you are and you'll only know if they want you to. The fly list is the part of the ice above the surface, the people they are pushed around because of data collection and they're some of the people that get to know how the government sees them. It's not blissful to not know what they think of you, it's not good at all. Our acceptance of the situation is why immigrants and even children get to be treated this way by the Us. Not enough people care and that's why they win.

The no fly list is "Your a threat list" and many on it are not. There's criminals and awful people listed but they should be the only ones on it if it was actually for protection. They don't have perfect data collection and they don't care. There are a lot of gaps and data they can't get and they're okay jumping the gun on suspecting people of things, of assuming you'll take action when you won't. It's easier for them to make guess work of who you are then to actually care. They get things wrong because they don't really know who you are just your name, they can only assume who you are and share your actions around. One wrong read on the information you put out and it can change how they label you.

This is all why it's an information war, they can see rise in them monitoring topics online through the change in politics. They learn who you dislike politically and they know how much people feel about hot topics. They're using that info to counteract the spread of change within us on the internet and it's affecting the world. They are surveying as much as they can they are making efforts far in advance to attack back.

This is why there media war on protests regarding racism or climate change, it's how we have movements against trans woman harming feminism getting pushed by politicians as well as woman being painted as to selfish to make decisions about their body and becoming laws.

Surveillance is feeding propaganda and ignoring the evil of everyone online watching you even when you think your safe is why you'll never be safe if they suddenly decide to take action against you or use you to hurt people you love. If fact you've probably given data that has hurt people either in big things I mentioned above, or even little things like someone talking online about a bad thing happening that you've helped boost or interact with that's harmed a delicate situation by making it worse for being blasted.

One time I had a conversation with people in place you might think is private online and we were discussing the origin of modern conceptions of cannibalism. It was mostly historical and talking about how settlers in the US were hypocritical about it in order to hate on natives when they were doing it themselves and way more often. That discussion within an hour after gave me targeted ads about this, it recorded it and sold that information and it was paranoia inducing and messed with my delusions. I mean how often do you get ads or content online about cannibalism? Yeah it was targeted, that's what they do all of the time. After all that I changed how I use the internet because Google, your socials, they might make you happy but they are not your friend.

This is hideous evil accepted and known by everyone. It's an evil they have made you believe is okay and made you think you've come to that conclusion alone. You did not choose to be monitored, your forced to be, and there's little that can be done when you don't stand up with everyone else against it.

You don't have privacy because the police, companies, and government they don't know you, but the problem is that they think they do and that issue is ruining lives and has been for decades, it can ruin yours too.

This is the information age and they don't see you as a person they see you as the information in the war for information. Your a tool, ammunition and at the same time they can see you as an enemy at any time and for any opinion or action you might think is right.

The no fly list shouldn't exist, but stuff like it always will as long as the internet and tech is used to monitor you and know what you do. The US government does not need to know everything about people because it isn't stopping shootings, it isn't saving families. It's hurting people, families, it's seeing enemies in Muslim children, in Jewish activists, in people who don't have a reason you can spot for being put on the list and consider a danger. You can be that person without a good reason because all of the stuff I just said is a bad reason. You don't have to be a minority to find yourself deep in shit and you shouldn't have to be a minority to be scared or care about this. You should care because it's wrong that they know anything about you or love ones, at any moment they can ruin you.

In the coming years they'll want to monitor you more then they already can. The longer we sit by the less safe everyone is by the day.

A lot of people will say that you should try to block and hide yourself online, you can! I don't think it solves the problem. To solve this issue we have to make the data collection useless either by it making not sense or by everyone becoming red flags. I don't know exactly what to purpose but if anyone has suggestions feel free.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #71

I still don't know what I'm supposed to be doing to help you. But I know it doesn't involve stewing in the weird mental space I was in yesterday. Good grief, that was thoroughly unpleasant - for me and probably for everyone else that was in my general vicinity, too.

At the suggestion of J, I had made plans to get lunch today with my best friend, BB. I've known BB since I was 16 years old; in just a couple of years, we'll have known each other for two whole decades. It's surreal, really, how quickly the time has flown. Surreal, how many versions of me she's seen. Surreal that even after all this time, she is still at my side - through all the weird and awful things I used to think, through all the piss-poor choices I've made, and through all the bizarreness that is my existence in general. And yet through all this, her faith in who I am and the nature of my character has not wavered. Not even once.

…I wish everyone could get so lucky as to have a friend like her. I'm extraordinarily blessed.

BB, her soon-to-be-husband N (who is also an amazing example of a human being), and I went to get sushi. I wished I could go to their house to chill out afterwards, but tomorrow I am going on a road trip with J, and another friend of mine, Br, so I had to get home and get ready.

We talked about a variety of things. N has had some health problems, but hopefully things are starting to look up. BB spoke briefly on their upcoming wedding; we still have to go over their playlist, and I was invited to taste-test cakes with them - I'm looking forward to doing both!

…I was really, REALLY not okay yesterday. Suppose it's just the tail-end of Sunday's adrenaline surge combined with the monthly loss of bodily resources that comes with inhabiting a female body. Perhaps, too, I was going a little stir-crazy for a variety of reasons. I think I just needed to spend time with people who know me well, other than M and J, for a little bit.

…I don't spend nearly as much time with BB as I should. This is due to the fact that I have conditioning that tells me that I shouldn't bother people unless it's for a damn good reason. Like, for example, they need something from me, or I have something nice to give to them or something nice to do for them. Otherwise, my brain imagines that I had better leave people alone, because I don't get to chill with them unless I "deserve" it somehow, or unless I somehow make up for the fact that I am taking up their time, energy, and space.

This is how it used to go a long time ago. The people taking care of me didn't really want anything to do with me unless they wanted me to do something. And I wasn't supposed to bother the adults with my presence unless it was about something they considered critical - bothering them for reasons that they deemed insubstantial led to me being told things like, "Can you not see that I'm obviously busy?" Or even sometimes an entire tirade about how much of a selfish little attention whore they think I am, albeit often in different words, and usually with a lot more angry expletives. The result is that as a rule, I don't typically ask for time from others unless I think I have something explicitly valuable to offer them (my brain does not categorize "time with a Lumine" as inherently valuable; rather, this is categorized as a burden or a chore), for fear of imposing upon them.

But you know? It's not a long time ago anymore. I'm not living with chronically angry people anymore. Maybe it's about time I really started putting more effort into defying this conditioning so that my brain can finally catch up to modern times, hm? I suppose "spending time with close friends just for the heck of it instead of waiting until they need me or waiting until I'm explicitly invited" should be added to the list of answers to the question of, "What is caring for a Lumine supposed to look like?"

…I wish you could meet BB and her lovely fiancé, N. They're wonderful people. I wish you could eat sushi with us and talk with us about various things. I wish you could be around for all the inside jokes and crazy memories. I wish you could listen to BB tell you the story about that one time we had to run away to avoid getting trampled by a crazy sports mob (it was terrifying, but also really funny!). I wish you could do the Jiraiya Hop with us. I wish you could flip through BB's notebooks full of Japanese songs that she's translated. I wish you could play DDR with us. There's so many things I wish for. But the best I can do is send along a few pictures of the yummy things we got today.

(I truly can't even begin to properly express to you what a frustrating, despondent, and terrible thing it is that this little bit is the best I can do for you…)

Hey, Sephiroth. Please keep yourself safe out there. Please make kind, gentle, and loving choices. Please keep striving for peace and safety, for yourself, for your world, and for all the people in it. So many people are counting on you. I'm counting on you. Don't let us down.

Today's letter is short, I know. I'm sorry. But I'm pretty tired, and I still gotta get ready for tomorrow morning. I will be driving a lot tomorrow, most likely. J, Br, and I will be making a 7-hour trip to Pennsylvania, because if there must be a long car trip, it's safer to do it with company so that someone can take over if folks get too tired. It'll be a long time, but it'll be good company.

I will likely be exhausted by the end of it (driving is stressful, even in good company), but I'm still going to make the time to write to you once I arrive safely at my destination. Count on it.

Your friend, Lumine

[tayfabe75]

Your theories really give me hope (which I’m very afraid to receive). But if we imagine that everything is really like this and they are playing a show for us, wouldn’t it be too cruel for them? Being with someone else and playing love for a long time, do they still have time for each other in this whole show? Doesn't that defeat the purpose of it all? They could have just stayed together in secret if that's what they wanted. And also isn't it cruel to their partners? Okay, I can see how Travis benefits from this, but Gabbriette? She is the one who follows Matty, not the other way around, like Travis, why does she need this?

If this is really some kind of show, what is its purpose then? For now they're just satisfying the haters. 

I'd really like to believe that Matty and Taylor have a future and that they'll find their way back in the end, but to me right now it seems like they've both just moved on (I'd love to be proven wrong!)

With full acknowledgment that this theory is a bit… bold, please remember the "never-ending commitment to the bit" aspect of kayfabe, because it is, perhaps, the most important.

Is it cruel for actors to kiss during a stage performance or while shooting a film? Everyone involved knows that it is a performance. It is a "massively collaborative theatrical universe", after all. That means that everyone involved has signed on to do this. No one is actually getting hurt by anything that is going on, and they all stand to greatly benefit if this theory is true and ends up being revealed. Being a part of a collaborative effort like this could catapult everyone's careers much more than a basic PR relationship would.

Yes, they have to spend time apart. But these are professional musicians who travel the world for work. They know the pain of having to be separated from loved ones. Maybe it's because I'm an elder millennial, but I don't think it's that hard to be physically separated from one's partner for a few weeks, especially not with current technology. There's a lot of very strange speculation I've seen online about how there's no way Matty could stay committed while on tour, as if Adam and George aren't also rockstars in a band with serious partners they're devoted to. Further, if this truly is kayfabe, then it has been planned for years in advance.

Yes, they would still have time for each other in this whole 'show'. Probably a lot of it. I suspect that not all photos or videos are posted exactly at the moment they are taken. They help move the narrative along or help place each person in time and space, regardless of whether they are actually physically there. If you're headed to NYC, it might be helpful to establish yourself in LA instead. If people will stalk you on social media anyway, then why not use it to your advantage? Social media isn't real life, not even for non-celebrities - it's all a carefully manicured version of one's life.

I don't agree that Matty and Taylor are merely satisfying their haters right now. I think they're satisfying a great many fans who are basking in the romance of it all - those sweet Instagram likes or matching letterman jackets.

So, what are they up to? What I can tell you is that their priority certainly isn't putting the few supporters they have out of their misery by just simply getting back together. And they would not participate in kayfabe for shits and giggles, either. I don't personally bother with the minutiae of their relationships or daily lives, and if it upsets you, you shouldn't either! I very much want Taylor and Matty to end up together (genuinely, anyone with hearing should root for this outcome). But if I'm dead wrong and it never happens again, then I understand exactly why. 'Peace' spells it all out. But why simply roll over and let the media dictate the narrative around your chosen partner when you're one of the most powerful women in the world?

The clues are all there to be discovered and they point to one common enemy who has tried to destroy their lives and relationships (no, it's not the fans). I don't want to have to spell every little thing out, though. Instead, I'll leave you with another fun quote from Brad Troemel:

"Because everyone thinks that screaming at their parasocial bestie is the most effective punishment for doing something they didn't like, it winds up drowning out any individual voice into one uniform wall of digital rage. Micro-celebrities' fear of experiencing this rage is what leads to audience capture, where 'besties' feel locked into permanently performing the version of themselves they understand their audience to always want them to be. The only way to avoid audience capture is for besties to periodically burn down their own platform to establish a new set of audience expectations."

…and Taylor promised that the Reputation vault would be "fire"

[ohii-san]

hello can i hear how you think a rinne mayoi dynamic would be 👁👁

okay so you sent this ask like three weeks ago minimum but i am so bad at answering things in a timely manner . i will in fact humor you now though SO sorry i took literally like years :FUCKKK: i'll put it under the cut also i'm going to she/her mayoi because i have a headmate who's a fictive and we don't like to use he/him for her source . jsyk . I HOPE YOU ENJOY SORRY FOR THE RAMBLES

so first off i want to note rinne mayoi and niki are very do not separate to me . putting aside my insanity about rinne long enough to detach hiyori, i think niki is very integral to the rinmayo dynamic whether he's there romantically or not . because niki and mayoi are friends !! but i will try to keep this mostly rinne/mayoi . also sorry this is more like a list of 'hcs' than actually explaining their dynamic . i ramble

"niki-kyun who's thiiis" "this is my friend mayo-chan ! she's in alkaloid with otouto :]" ( mayoi is seen cowering behind niki because rinne is notoriously So Loud and Overbearing )

rinne tries to dial himself down a little- because he's not incapable of it, it's just that his default is sort of A Lot, so he has to make a conscious effort to be gentler to not overwhelm mayoi

at first mayoi doesn't see the appeal but she realizes he must be pretty nice if niki deals with him so much

since mayoi is in the sweets club with kohaku and himeru, i like to imagine she'd hear a lot about rinne through those two complaining about all the shit he pulls HAHAH and she'd warm up to the idea of him through that, probably

"rinne-san seems so scary, but .. he's not such a bad guy, after all ..?" <- mayoi realizing that she and rinne may have something in common

mayoi puts herself down a lot and when rinne hears this, he immediately cheers her up to the best of his ability and praises her sooo much

"i'm so sorry for bothering you, rinne-san .. i'm such a waste of space" "NOT TRUE ! yer a real good friend to niki an' meru, hiiro too !! never a waste of space, mayoi-chan <3"

they hang out together and talk about their cultures .. because they are both indigenous .. mayoi doesn't discuss hers with as much umm openness due to the fact that, if i understood correctly, she's like . undocumented and she doesn't want people ratting on her but rinne talks about his ainu culture with pride and tries to teach mayoi some things when she asks !!!! this is probably similar to what hiiro and mayoi might do too btw :] i think they should bond

mayoi and rinne are both sort of considered strange in different aspects- mayoi has her little freak teeth and rinne is umm . well i have to tread lightly because he's such a bad stereotype of indigenous people, but the fact of the matter remains that he's got a fairly shitty rep and i think they would comfort each other when it gets to be too much . mayoi has such poor self image that even if people aren't cruel to her, i think she'd find ways to believe she's hated, while rinne sort of .. KNOWS that he is because he causes so much trouble for people early in the main story- and i'd think he would continue to do so later, just in more harmless and "fun" ways such as allowing kanata to flood the dorms- so . basically rinne would teach mayoi to try and embrace how she's viewed by others and figure out whose opinions she wants to Actually care for

bonus idea; they are cis guy with no interesting gender x transfem girlthing with a lot of gender . hc rinne saw mayoi and thought she was another producer and she was like oh .. no i'm an idol .. aren't you hiiro's brother .. shouldn't you Know his unit ..

alkakurei jam sessions where they all hang out after the amagis sort of reconcile <3 kohiiai and rinnikimayo do their little gay things and tatsumi and himeru fucking kill each other in the bg

"i'm sorry, i hope my teeth don't bother you .. i know they're odd .." "your teeth are THE coolest thing ever . you should get piercings mayoi-chan" <- conversations that occur a week before rinne and mayoi get matching tongue piercings

kanata and mayoi should also be friends as weird little freaks who love to be in places they should not . i think it makes sense and then mayoi can go to see the hikari dorm and be like omg .. rinne AND kanata .. in one dorm .. best dorm in ensquare ..

[nobodysdaydreams]

💎 fave trope to write?

🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write?

💡what inspires your fic ideas?

🎤fave line in a fic you wrote?

Please don't feel pressure to do any/all of these!! But I wanted to give you options. I hope you are having a lovely day!!! <3

Thank you Sophie! And you even put what they mean in the ask box so I don't have to go back and reference the post. A thousand blessings upon you my friend!

💎 fave trope to write?

Oh...this is hard. There's probably a couple. I like found family, which is a little obvious given that I write fics for tmbs fandom, and I like neurodivergent head canons, which is also obvious given that I write fics for the tmbs fandom.

I also love the trope of dramatic irony and alternating POVs. I play with this idea in a lot of my fics (as you already know and will discover very very soon is a lot more prevalent in my writing than you could have imagined, but that's all I'll say about that). I do this in "Treat Them With(out) Mercy" where I switch the POV from Kate to Curtain between chapters, so as the reader you get to follow a character to get some information on what's happening, and then get the full picture and the emotions that accompany it when the POV switches. I also do this a lot in "S.O.S.", especially with characters like Milligan who is missing pieces of his memory, but I do this with others too. It's a really easy and fun thing to do there because the show left so much unanswered and gave me tools like memory erasure and unexplained backstory to work with. I'm sad the show didn't capitalize on what they had, but boy did they leave me with a lot to use, and if they're not gonna use it, then someone might as well.

Finally, maybe my number one trope is redemption arcs for villains and sympathetic villains. I enjoying writing this, though it's a hard line to write, because as much as I love the message that no one is too far gone, I also have never like lazily written redemption arcs, or more specifically, redemption arcs that act as if what the villain did never happened, even when they did objectively terrible crimes and should probably go to prison. If your argument against that is that the ex-villain in question is too powerful to be kept in prison or forced to do community service, my counterargument is that that shouldn't matter. If they're really sorry, not only should they not have a problem paying their debt to society, but they should do so willingly, in fact, they should insist on it. If they don't, then I don't believe they're actually sorry. That's one of the reasons why I love writing Garrison and Curtain's characters. You see this piece by piece in "S.O.S." where I make you empathize with them while wanting to scream at them (haha sorry about that silly me...) but for a more speedy arc you can read "It Should Have Been Us". Slight spoilers, but in the fic, Curtain wins. He has no reason to bother trying to help Nicholas or his friends, in fact he has serious apprehension about doing so in some cases, like when he acknowledges that Milligan would probably attack him if he could. But he still tries to save them, and he does it because he's sorry, and you know he's sorry because he devotes all his effort into saving them, and he even risks and ultimately caves to narcoleptic attacks at various points. Garrison also goes through a mini redemption arc. She didn't get everything she wanted like Curtain, but she still could have refused to help him. She didn't have to make Nicholas her problem. But she did, and she doesn't do it for Curtain either, she does it for his brother she's never met simply because he's a man in pain who needs her help. You see that she has empathy, you see that she wants to be better, you see that effort, that improvement, that potential. That to me is absolutely beautiful.

🍄how do you get yourself in the mood to write?

I don't. The brain bees attack when they attack and they don't leave until I've written what they demand 🐝

But for long fics like SOS that have some exposition parts that are maybe a little less exciting to write to get to the fun scenes (though people still seem to enjoy reading them) it's quite simple. All I have to do is have another big project to procrastinate on. Like I'm doing right now! Works like a charm.

💡what inspires your fic ideas?

Fictional media, hyper fixations, your awesome tumblr posts. Anything that activates the brain bees and gets them to start flooding my mind with ideas for stuff, funny or angsty lines of dialogue, potential ways unexplained characters and backstories could be connected, etc. I wish I had a better answer, but that's basically it. So as long as the bees are buzzing and I have time to indulge them, I'll be writing.

🎤fave line in a fic you wrote?

Oh there are so many. But since I ranted at you about my favorite trope, redeemable villains, how about a quote from "Who You Were Meant To Be" (Book Martina Redemption Fic):

“No,” SQ replied, “I’m being honest. They accepted my apology, and I’m friends with them now.”

“Yeah, but I’m me and you’re you.”

“What does that have to do with anything? We both worked for Mr. Curtain. We both hurt them.”

“Yeah, but it’s different. You’re… you’re nice.”

“So are you. Or maybe you could be if you wanted to be.”

“No, I couldn’t,” Martina replied. “Look, we both worked for Mr. Curtain, but it was never the same. You actually believed that what we were doing was good and right, and you never wanted to hurt anybody. I thought what we were doing would bring me success and make me happy, and I enjoyed hurting other people. You had selfless reasons, I had selfish ones. People like you get redemption and forgiveness, okay? People like me don’t. That’s just the way the world works.”

SQ paused and thought a bit about what Martina had said.

“I’m not sure that’s true,” he observed, “or at least, it can’t be true all the time. Because I forgave you.”

Martina struggled to think of something clever to say to SQ’s objection, but she couldn’t find the words. And strangely, a part of her felt like she didn’t want to find them. That for once in her life, she was actually, surprisingly, okay with losing an argument. Because she just wanted to accept what SQ was saying was true, even if she knew it wasn’t.

I loved writing SQ's response to Martina, because that is where a lot of people draw the line on forgiveness: intentionality (others might draw it a harm, how old the person was when the thing happen, etc.), but SQ just...forgives her anyway. He's not keeping score, he's not using any kind of "how deserving are you?" system. But he's also not the kind of guy who thinks redemption means a free pass no questions asked, he doesn't let Curtain hurt the kids and does think Curtain should go to jail. In the case of Martina, SQ can genuinely see that she's sorry now, and he's not going to stay bitter about it, even if, according to a lot of people, she doesn't deserve it. It's an act of friendship and love that's so perfectly encapsulates who SQ is, and it's why I love him as a character.

Thank you for the ask Sophie. I hope you have a lovely evening! 🥰

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

Hi, no important tws I think.

I just saw the date and today, 9 years ago, I was released from psychiatry in which I had to endure medical abuse and got a trauma from it.

It's been bad the first years afterwards and a few months ago it started to come up again, and I realized, it really left a trauma.

Which is idk, one amongs others so it doesn't bother me too much. I just feel very embarassed. That's the bigger problem. I feel like it shouldn't have left such a mark, and it is embarrassing, that I remember so much of it and still think of it, although everyone I knew back then forgot me like 8 years ago probably. I feel like I should have overcome it by now, it feels like a childhood fear that stick, irrational and way to long ago to matter. Especially since it didn't feel too traumatic while it happened, in hindsight it was bad abuse but in a way it was better than being with my parents so, it was trauma and relieve at once.

It is complicated, I have a lot of complicated feelings about it, but mostly, embarrassment. That I look at the date and think "Shit. 9 years." and feel like it happened yesterday but also a million years ago.

Idk, that's all. A lot of feelings for a little date.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been through.

While your story is completely valid on its own, it may help to remember that you're not alone, and unfortunately there are many other people who have been traumatized in psychiatry. This may help put things into perspective and show that your experience is real, valid, and part of a larger problem.

You don't have to feel ashamed or embarrassed that healing from this experience is taking more time and effort than you may have anticipated. It's hard to predict how traumatizing an experience is going to be and how we will process it. But healing is meant to be done at a comfortable pace and there is absolutely no rush. It's okay if you still feel traumatized 9 years later. My trauma is coming up on 9 years ago so I can understand feeling like it's taking a long time to heal completely. Giving yourself the patience to heal is essential.

I resonate with feeling like what happened shouldn't have affected you as much as it is, and that people who were involved probably don't recall it with nearly as much clarity, or may not even remember at all. It can feel really invalidating to dwell on the ideas that people may have moved on from the same experience you cannot forget. But please know that what matters is that it was traumatizing for you, and it's important to honor that. When we acknowledge the severity of our trauma in it's fullest, we can begin the process of healing.

I also just want to say that it makes absolute sense why this experience feels so long ago and simultaneously like it happened yesterday, and I experience this as well. I'm not an expert but I'm pretty sure that traumatic experiences, especially ones that constantly replay in our heads, have a strengthened neural pathway, meaning that it maintains its clarity while things that may have happened after have decayed naturally over time. This is why it can feel like traumas happened more recently than what followed.

I hope I could help, Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[allamericansbitch]

Hey Sarah, how's you doing today? Please tell moi about your day and isokei you rest, laundry can wait for sometime.

I'm going thru a very transitional phase rn and i wanted to ask how has friendships changed for you as you've gone from school to college to work. Do people really do trust they'll have this friend for life and is that something you feel as well with people in your life? How did you deal with friendship breakups? Do you still have a good amount of close friends fr school and college?

Anyone who reads this and wants to share please do too, I really wanna know how it's been like for everyone, I hope it's okei with you Sarah for asking a vast question in your blog but I'm too tired to make reddit question and plus i love this space here, I've been here for a few months regularly reading your blog stuff like newspaper jskskwjw. Thank you so much :D

i'm doing okay, i'm pretty tired and didnt do much which makes me a little sad but it's probably the concerts i went to this week catching up to me.

i'm still friends with 2 people i was friends with in high school, we knew each other since middle school but didnt get close till about freshmen year and got closer every year. i fully think we'll be friends forever because our friendship group was a lot bigger- i think they're were about 6 of us maybe. but a lot of them fizzled away after high school, which is sad but at the end of the day you can't force anything and when i look back those friendships were amazing at the time but i can't imagine they'd service me now.

a friend breakup is weird, it obviously depends on what kind of breakup (like a natural growing apart vs a fight that ends everything and leaves bad feelings towards one another), but at the end of the day everything happens for a reason. if a friendship doesnt add anything to your life anymore there's no reason to keep putting in effort to something that isnt there, a friendship shouldn't feel like a job you have to keep up with. friendships and relationships are similar to me in a way, like you'd never stay in a relationship that doesnt service you so why bother a friendship. you and your friend(s) were there for each other when it was needed and now it's not, them leaving might hurt but them being there to begin with is what matters.

like i said- my best friends are two people i've known since middle school and the reason i think we'll be friends is because we actively put in the work to be friends, they live an hour away from me and we make plans to see each other whenever we can. we're going to a bunch of concerts together, spending July 4th together, my friend randomly texted that they wanted to go to a renaissance faire so we're doing that now lol. whenever we wanna do something we run to one another. we put in the effort it takes to be an adult with friends but we are fine with not seeing each other for a few months if it happens. we still text everyday and i feel 100% like myself when im with them, i always have. all of these things are important in what makes a friendship last to me- comfortability, dependability, excitement, etc.