#i pronouncied it fuck ass

[dunetevenn]

Ik it's normal for me to have a pretty thick accent but damn it sounds so ridiculous 😭

[juice-boxy]

Man I miss being fluent in Español

[thatdeadaquarius]

OKAY BUT I HAVE MORE IDEA FOR BLUNT READER CUZ I LOVE THAT AU SO MUCHANDMDJFKSLDKF

So you know how french people's insult are always outta pocket (from a person who's first language is french I can tell you that no other language compares in insult -apart for African languages)

Like,, some "bad" insult here would be : bitch, fuck off, whore,..

Which we can all agree is boring...

BUT THEN IN FRENCH!!!

We be getting creative with it

Eg.

"mange tes mort" wich translates to "eat your dead (relatives)"

"vas te fair enculer" means "go get yourself pegged in the ass"

(yes, we have a specific word for being fucked in the ass 💀)

AND THOSE WOULD BE THE COMMON ONES AS WELL

English could never compare ✨

BUT ANYWAYS

how would the characters react if reader was from france/ belgium/ canada(or any other french speaking country) and started cursing people out like they eould do in their home countrie !?!?

The eay their face would drop

We would make a couple of people cry

AND GOD(us haha) FORBID A KID OVER-HEAR US AND STARTS REPEATING US

Trying to un-teach them would be hell *cries*

Your thoughts?

Love yaaaa~

ABSOLUTE TOP TIER ORAH MY BELOVED!!

Nobody has any idea how much I HATE ENGLISH both for its rules/pronounciation BS/etc. But also, most importantly, THERES LIKE NO GOOD CUSS WORDS- OR LIKE CUSS PHRASES??

I HAD TO PUT THIS GIF BC THAT WAS LITERALLY ME WHEN I HAD THE REALIZATION TO LOOK UP OTHER LANGUAGE CUSS WORDS AND I WAS JUST BLOWN AWAY BY HOW GOOD THEY WERE- HOW CREATIVE- 😫😭��� ENGLISH WHY R U SO SHITY IN EVERY POSSIBLE LANGUAGE SITUATION-

like idk we got "eat shit and die / fuck off / go fuck yourself" ???? Like- thats pathetic 😟.

I love hearing someone just cuss smbody out their native language/non-english, it’s so badass and cool to see

Anyway u already know i love non-native english speakers from the bottom of my heart✨️

GOD I FUCKING LOVE BLUNT LANGUAGE AU ITS LIKE ONE OF TOP FAV AS U CAN PROBABLY GUESS I COULD WRITE A LITERAL FANFIC ENTIRELY OFF THIS SIMPLE PREMISE 💖💓💗💞❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥

omg so i HAVE SPECIFICALLY HEARD ABT FRENCH BEING RLLY CREATIVEEE

and i researched french cusswords/phrases,,,

😭 BRO IM CRYING

“bête comme ses pieds!” IM ROLLING ON THE FLOOR-

(trans: you’re as stupid AS YOUR FEEEEEETT)

idk what’s funnier, you translating urself in real time and saying all these phrases to ppl,

OR just scaring the ever-loving shit out of every teyvat citizen within a mile radius bc oh wow- you look pissed, so yeah somebody’s about to lose all their self-esteem for the rest of their life bc ur insults are known to be extra cutting bc ur so blunt-

OH CREATOR ABOVE (…oh creator, present??)- you changed to your holy language FOR THIS???

everybody just giving the npc the most bombastic side-eye for pushing you to do this,

or even just you stubbing ur toe/ate food when it was too hot

or my favorite, getting onto ppl like Wanderer when they do smth silly lmao

STOP I HAD A FOUL THOUGHT OF GETTING ONTO Ei AND WANDERER (like ei for not keeping him/at least giving him to someone else to raise, then all the shit he did as Scaramouche lol)

AND THIS CUSSWORD COMES OUT UNDER UR BREATH OR SMTH- DOES THIS FIT BC THIS KILLS ME:

“Putain de salope…” (whore of whore, I LIED IT MEANS FUCKING BITCH LMAO😭)

JUST GETTING THE MOM AND THE SON IN ONE FULL BREATH CRYINGGGG

STOPPP wanderer using it against other ppl ever since u used it lol

oh no stop dont bring the kids into thisss 😭😭

Klee would deffo be the first one to pick up ur words and use them, omg she just uses them as catchphrases like when throwing her bombs 💀

“Mange tes mort!” JUST WITH A SMILE ON HER FACE AS SHE THROWS HER HUGE SKILL BOMB INTO A FISH POND

Venti would definitely make sure the winds “pass along phrases of the sacred All-God language!”

which just means anyone who UNDERSTANDS YOU JUST GETS GENTLY CREATIVELY CUSSED OUT BY THE WIND IM SOBBINGGG

☆

i hope u guys are having a great summer! its basically too hot to go outside where I am, not unless ur going straight into the water or smth

which hey, ill be doing that this weekend, floating down the river about an hour away from my house with friends! :]

which,,, if anyone sees this, U GOTTA HELP ME THINK OF A 1000 FOLLOWERS MILESTONE THING TO DO IDK WHAT TO DO BUT I WANNA CELEBRATE IT BC I NEVER THOUGHT THATD HAPPEN!! lmk what u think in the comments if u read this!

☆

Safe Travels 0rah,

💀♒

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche / @chocogi

[tosteur-gluteal]

Just a little pronounciation guide for you English speakers :))) also my username is written TOSTEUR, T-O-S-T-E-U-R. Not Tostuer, that's like, Tos - "kill" in French. Not Tostueur, that's Tos - "killer". Although those are sick a fuck, I must admit 😎 And GLUTEAL, like the gluteal region, like the butt. The ass. Laugh rule (This is a reference to a kids show)

[goji-pilled]

i fucking hate the english language for your weird spelling to pronounciation shit like what do you mean "beautiful" is spelled like that but pronounced like this?????

everytime i type it, in my head i will never pronounce it properly and instead go for the most literal, old ass person german sounding way instead or god knows what gibberish would end up being typed

and don't even get me started on "kn" or the "ou" or the weird fucking "s" and "c" shit you sometimes pull

this is why i do not respect this language (another weird fucked up spelling to pronounciation word!!!!)

[angriel]

Eywa's Chance: Deja Vu? pt.2

Warning: Widowed! Jake Sully, Warrior! Reader, Sexual Themes (will put signs), Angst, Absolutely Ass Writing, 17+, Violence, War, Chaos, Peace. Skypeople reader, Jake x Reader

@fluloa

"Found You Bitch"

Jake Hissed (Y/N) gasped as the air was knocked out of her lungs, she tried to break free from the hold of her enemy but it was unsuccessful and it only made it brought the knife closer on her neck.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you baby girl" Jake threatened. (Y/n) Surrendered and stopped struggling as if she accepted her own fate dying at the hands of the kind she loved. She breathed one last time and closed her eyes expecting for her attacker to end her but she waited and waited but she doesn't feel the pain of being stabbed.

"Pxasìk! (Screw it) Are you gonna fucking kill me or not? cause if you do just do it!" She Taunted him not failing to show her bravery infront of Jake. but she saw Wood sprites coming towards her. Jake let her go and watched as it lands on her head and arms and all over her body.

"A sign from Eywa" Jake mumbles as he stares at her. (Y/N) wonders why the Atokirina' is coming to her but regardless the mysterious reason she thanked Eywa that she saves her by sending them.

"Go to my tent, it's an emergency Norm. Go NOW" Jake ordered Norm through the transmitter, as soon as he was done contacting norm the Wood Sprites let go of (Y/N) and she watched them disappear in the sky.

"well this is awkward" she said, Jake ignored her and called his ikran, it came infront of him and he pets it. He connects his Tsaheylu and mounted his Ikran "So you're gonna leave me after evreything you've fucking done?" (Y/N) Screamed.

Jake laughed teasingly "Come on sweetheart we've got a lot of things to talk to" He said as he extended his hands towards her. (Y/n) Scoffed as she took his hands and he guided her to sit on his ikran. Without saying anything he took off not giving a moment for (Y/n) to secure himself.

And because of this (Y/n) had no choice but to wrapped her arms around him tightly "Fuck you! You're a fucking asshole bitch! You "skxawng" (Stupid) Jake laughed and flied faster while you're screaming at the top of your lungs, you only stopped because you saw the Pandora from above and it fascinated you.

(Y/n) didn't know how much time has passed since you two were flying but you saw the Legendary Flying rocks A.K.A The Hallelujah Mountains Jake turned into a narrowed rocks and landed on a campsite. Almost immediately a crowd of Na'vi surrounded the two of you.

"Fuck Jake! Why the did you bring her to our camp site?!" Norm shrieked at the sight of you. "Do the tests on her and we'll talk" Jake said while he was walking towards the healers tent. Norm Sighed and he turns to you.

"Hello there I'm Norm, Norm Spellman and yours is?" Norm introduced himself as he extended his arms towards her. (Y/n) smiled and took his arms "Kaltxi Oeru syaw (Y/n), smon niprrte'" (Y/n) said while shaking his hand.

"And Fluent to Na'vi. you could use some improvement to your pronounciations but you're good!" Norm rambled, (Y/n) rolled her eyes and scoffed while mumbling "yeah sure whatever."

"We need to do some tests on you is that okay?" He asked you and expecting your confirmation. You raised your eyebrows and crossed your arms to your chest while staring at him.

"Don't worry we're not gonna do some freaky things to you like stabbing you and shit" He raised his arms defensively. You sighed and said "I don't have any choice do I?" You said, he nodded "Fine" he smiled at you and guided you to Jake's tent.

There you saw a Human Scientist, he looked at you and waved. "Hi there I'm Max and I'm the one who's mainly gonna do some check ups on ya. Including testing if you have a tracking chip in your noggins." He enthustiastically said.

Jake Found Mo'at and greeted her. "I know you brought her here sully, tell me, why did you do it?" Mo'at asked him while she's grinding herbs.

"I was gonna kill her, but there was a sign from Eywa" Jake said. Mo'at suddenly stopped and looked at Jake, she laughed bitterly remembering her late daughter Neytiri saying the same thing when she first brought Jake to the home tree.

"Do you not feel Deja Vu Jake Sully?" Mo'at asked, He suddenly tensed up as his bittersweet memory came and replay on his mind. He went silent and was about to go out of the tent when he said "I'm sure Neytiri and her father is together now, you should visit him he's asking me about you." Jake then checked The dreamwalker on his tent.

Just as he was about to go in, Norm and Max went out. They greeted him and he greeted back "No chips anywhere on her body, her avatar's normal" Max said. Jake nodded and thanked him for his services as well as norm and the duo went out to continue their research.

Jake went in and saw (Y/n) "Get up and come with me" He ordered her and went out again to the center of the camp, you obliged and saw the Na'vi's staring at you and shouting. You followed him towards the center and you were shocked when he went up the throne.

(Italized in Na'vi)

"This is the sky walker we've spotted near our sacred place" Jake said to the people. Many Hissed at you and many shouted some unknown Na'vi words at you. You shrinked at your spot as you feel their hatred towards you.

"But! Eywa gave me a sign. And I decided to take her in, from now on Mo'at will lead our people. While I teach her how to live like us." He announced displaying his powerful status.

You looked down and thought how you fucked up cursing the Olo'eyktan of the Omaticayan people. Then you suddenly stared at his hands and you noticed that he has 5 fingers like you do unlike the native Na'vi who has 4 fingers.

You suddenly realized that he was Jake Sully. The one who betrayed humanity, the 1st dreamwalker that became one of the people, and your crush. You blushed from the sudden realization, not noticing Jake's stares at you. And you pray to Eywa that he does not see the darker blue tint from your cheek.

Jake left the throne and made his way from the tent. He can't help but to think about what his mate said to him, is it possible that Neytiri pleaded for Eywa to give him a new mate? He felt his head aches and he touched it with his hand.

"hey" (Y/n) greets. Jake turned around and saw her and wondered why she was in his tent, he raised his eyebrow at her as gesturing what she wants. She looks at the ground sighing and finally asking him "what did you say earlier?".

"I'm gonna teach you our ways, as Eywa gave me a sign" Jake said in his deep monotone voice. She gasped and fake coughed and said "I see... Are you also perhaps the -" Jake cut her sentence off by saying "Olo'eyktan? Yes and I'll assume you already know my name?" (Y/n) nodded and looked at his eyes.

"is that it?" Jake asked her, (Y/n) said yes. "We'll start tomorrow at the morning. As soon as the sun shines, don't be late or I'll kill you" Jake threatened her. Before leaving the tent (Y/n) said "I'm (Y/n) figured i'll introduce myself so you know who you're acting like a dick with." She left his tent while mumbling the words of how mean he was and how much of an asshole he is.

Jake clicked his tongue behind his teeth and prepared his armor. He left his tent and called for Norm to guide (Y/n) to her tent which is right next to his. As soon as he was done with it he called for his ikran and went to the Tree of Souls.

Jake dismounted his ikran and immediately connected his Tsaheylu on a strand of the tree. He saw his beloved once again standing and waiting for him. Before he talks Neytiri cut him off by cupping her hands on his face and leaned her forehead to his.

"Ma Jake, Eywa will not let you see me anymore. This is our last meeting, you will see me until the right time. "Kiyevame Ma Jake, Eywa Ngahu" Neytiri said not trying to hide the sadness she's feeling. after a short while she lets him go.

"Wha-, What do you mean? No Baby please? Nga Yawne Lu Oer! Please comeback! Don't! " Jake pleaded but Neytiri keot walking towards the mists and Jake's Tsaheylu disconnected from the strand.

He screamed in Anguish and wept in front of Eywa not caring if anyone will see him. He mounted his ikran and went straight to his tent, clutching Neytiri's songchord close to him and for the first time in the year Jake have finally gotten the rest he deserves.

But there's one thing that bothers him besides the recent events. he can't shook the feeling of

DEJA VU

Kaltxi Oeru syaw (Y/n), smon niprrte'

Hi I'm Called (Y/N), Pleased to meet you

Kiyevame Ma Jake, Eywa Ngahu

See you soon My Jake, May eywa be with you

Nga Yawne Lu Oer!

You're beloved to me (I love you)

Chapter 3 is out!

[worstutfanonthingpoll]

Welcome to the

Worst ut/dr Fanon Thing Tournament!

Vote for the thing about ut/dr fanon that pisses you off the most!

...

Tournament Plan

40 contestants altogether!

ROUND 1 - 20 polls, 40 contestants

...

Meet our contestants: Part one!

The evil Chara!

God (Hatsune Miku) forbid non binary people do anything

Flooey is not Asriel!

Clearly Flooey is an evil 😱 demon rawr and Azzy Wazzy Woo Woo is a perfect 😇 angle uwu

Chara's name pronounciation!

Cha-rah? Kar-ah? Kare-uh? Cha-ra-ra-ah-ah? Roma-ro-ma-ma? Ga-ga-ooh la la? Want your bad romance?

Error and Ink daycare comic!

You know the one.

Fanon Underfell!

Look at how they massacred my boy

Fanon underswap in general!

I.e, the fanon version as a whole, excluding Blueberry. I mean, he is like 90% of the problem BUT STILL.

Noelle Holiday!

She stole someone's brand apparently!

The Big Bad Gaster!

He's the real villain, the evil scientist, he knows exactly what he's doing all cold and calculated like, character nuance who's she? So very eeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvvvviiiiiiiiiiiillllllllllllll

Uwufication of Ralsei!

uwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwUwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuw

Story of undertale

Will I be a pacifist?

Or will I ✨️use my fists✨️?

Flooey is an adult truthers

I.e. simps denying that they carnally lust for someone who is clearly a child HE WANTED A BIKE FOR CHRISTMAS FUCK DAMN YOU

PAPERJAM??

Help me kill him you guys pls pls pls vote for Paperjam like I hate him more than Blueberry at this point

Sans Multiversal War Bullshit!

Yeah

Sexy goat mother!

Don't reduce her to a milf, please. Especially Underfell Toriel, she's off the shits and wears sweatpants not some sexy sultry villainy lady who will "befriend" you

Undyne ignored!

She literally becomes an immortal god in genocide, and is so determined she becomes a fucking amalgamation for a hot minute in most of the neutral runs, shut up about Sans for three seconds please

Aggressive Alphyne shippers!

No need to act so feral u guys

Papyrus hates puns!

I will only accept this if he's given a gun

Spamtis!

*sobs uncontrollably*

Raslei is Asriel!

Incest coding much?

Misgendering, particularly KFC!

Gender up to interpretation MY ASS

[viak-kaiv]

SORTA CYNO'S STORY QUEST ACT 2 SPOILERS BUT MORE JUST A POINTLESS RANT

tw: uh, i swear a bit, just a heads up

OKAY SO, I'VE BEEN (REALLY FUCKING SLOWLY) WRITING A GENSHIN FIC THAT FOR THE MOST PART IS BASED IN SUMERU

SO I HAVE BEEN RESEARCHING DIFFERENT SIDE CHARACTERS/NPC'S

ONE OF THEM IS NAPHIS

THAT WHY IM SO FUCKIN PASSIONATE ABOUT IT BECAUSE I WAS WRITING A WHOLE ASS CHARACTER FOR HIM JUST BASING IT OFF THE FACTS THAT HE'S TIGHNARI'S MASTER AND THE SAGE OF AMURTA

I WAS WRITING HIM AS A "SHUT THE FUCK UP" "NO, YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP" WHATEVR THAT PERSONALITY IS, SORTA CHARACTER

AKA ONE OF THE CHARACTERS I WAS EXCITED TO INTRODUCE THE READER TO CAUSE I THINK THOSE CHARACTERS ARE FUNNY AS SHIT

BUT DUDE

HIS CHARACTER DESIGN

ITS PROBABLY BECAUSE I PAINTED HIM DIFFERENTLY IN MY HEAD THAT IM UPSET ABOUT IT

HERE'S SOME NOTES I WROTE WHEN HE WAS FIRST SEEN IN THE CUTSCENE THAT BASICALLY SUM UP ALL MY THOUGHTS

but also thinking about it now, with how npc's look n' all,

and how dirty they did mountain shaper and moon carver,

I shouldn't have had my hopes up at all

i'm not actually upset, kinda glad he was actually shown just cause i was curious about his character

and eh, the design does make him stand out slightly from other npc characters just enough as needed

so all in all, im just needlessly and pointlessly upset due to my own thoughts

he kinda fits the bill, he looks like he'd argue the correct pronounciation of croissant

but im sad he isn't the sort of Haganezuka character style i was expecting

thanks for coming to my ted talk

[tokyo-chainsaw-dragon]

You know how people on those dumbass news channels are always lying about shit 24/7?

Well it's not like they talk about Hunter Biden OR HIS LAPTOP on there.

Not only is Hunter a dumbass, but Joe Biden and Kamalia Harris (that bitch has too many pronounciations and doesn't even know how to say her own name right) are dumbasses too.

If I even ever get the chance too, I will kick Joe in the balls. Full force. Honestly, all of those people in Washington DC are a bunch of fucking idiots.

Here's what we peeps need:

Joe Biden getting his ass kicked

The news to stop lying

Joe and Kamalia going into jail FOR LIFE

Trump to get re-elected for president

Trump to fix America and get rid of all of our suffering

Us to get back to normal

We still haven't passed step one though.

I bet Joe barely has any balls left.

https://youtu.be/vF_mcw7dRjw

👆 Anyway, if you click the link right there, you can see the Joe Biden Ice Cream Truck getting hit by the Trump Train.

I really want that to happen next election.

[endlesslyramblingaboutblorbos]

*accidentally joining mxtx fandom by way of Netflix tgcf donghua, complete with my terrible pronounciation of names constantly and the fact I didn’t know xl’s name until 6 eps in* wow this is good I guess

*later mentioning this to my friend Addy, her finding MDZS donghua on YouTube, us watching it together and bonding* nice! Tgcf still my fav

*getting the books, addy’s dad buys her scum villain and she tentatively reads it and fucking hates sy* what a weird ass book lmao might as well but I doubt I’ll like it student x teacher is weirdddd

*addy enjoying sv now, getting into Danmei as a whole like I still haven’t really, me teasing her for hating sy bc she’s just like him as a person, I’ve read book 1 and the airplane extras and that’s all* haha ok this is funny. I like this I guess. MDZS probably my fav now tbh

*staring at so much fucking meta and Thought About SV* oh god oh fuck

anyway I’m an sv main now which was the last thing I ever expected!!!

[adhdnojutsu]

To expand on this, only people of low merit would invalidate a language for having fewer letters than their own or having a lot of loan words. For example, the many people saying Hebrew is "made up for PR" are so fucking stupid and racist, like it's one of THE most ancient surviving languages, older than Arabic by the way. SO SORRY our people, language, and culture are older than a lot of things you'd like to see replace us. But obviously, millennia of violent diaspora and persecution, aka outside interference from low value bigots, saw its use decreased, which is why its revival came with a lot of loan words from other languages and other differences from Biblical Hebrew, as Hebrew didn't get to be around for the advent of a lot of things.

Hebrew doesn't need a whole bunch of vowels. Just like Japanese works just fine with the silent u and i, or like English manages with 28463882 different pronounciations of "gh" or "ou", Hebrew works fine with words not containing a single written vowel where several are heard, AND can assign several uses to a single letter, the vav being u, o, and v at the same time.

That said, "there are no annoying xyz" is a logical fallacy. "There are no" is a statement of fact. "Annoying" is strictly subjective, and clearly, some people find some dialects annoying. This is like "all bodies are beautiful". No. Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and it's valid to find some bodies "not beautiful", just don't be an ass about it. There's a language similar to Russian (I don't know which exactly) whose speakers sound perpetually upset to speakers of different languages. It's valid to find that off-putting as long as you keep that to yourself, Karen.

Also, "verklikkerlichtje".

not only are there no bad languages there are also no bad or annoying dialects

[scorittanius]

sometimes i get sad that i have a weirdass accent instead of a stereotypical australian one because everyone calls me british!!!! my ass is NOT british my autism and phonetic pronounciations just warped my accent beyond repair!!!!! I AM NOT A FUCKING BRIT!!!!!

[morporkian-cryptid]

Multilingual Lupin III Gang shenanigans!

We know that everyone in the LoopGang is multilingual, and there is no way their conversations wouldn't be chaos half of the time.

For the purpose of these headcanons, here's what each of them speaks:

Lupin: French and Japanese (both native), English (fluent), can get by in a bunch of other languages and quickly get to a respectable level of fluency with a few weeks' study

Jigen: English (native), Japanese (fluent, spoke it as a kid in his family), Italian (picked up a lot of it in NYC), French (learned while in Nice with Joe of Spades, later perfected it with Lupin)

Goemon: Japanese (native), Ainu (fluent), a couple of Japanese dialects (nearly fluent/gets by), English (fluent or nearly), a bit of French (currently trying to learn it)

Fujiko: Japanese (native), English (fluent), pretty much fluent in a bunch of languages and can easily learn a new one, like Lupin

Zenigata: Japanese (native), English (not fluent but can get by, pretty bad pronounciation because he mostly learned in textbooks), can get by with the basics in a lot of languages

(You're all warmly invited to add your own headcanons!)

---

The Gang is having a conversation in Japanese, a few English words are being thrown around, and Goemon can't remember a word in Japanese.

Cue Goemon having a small identity crisis.

---

They can never remember which idiom comes from which language, and often get bewildered reactions from others when they get it wrong.

(After Lupin told them a story about his father)

Goemon, solemnly: The son of a toad is a toad.

Jigen and Fujiko are keeled over with laughter, Lupin looks deathly offended.

----

Goemon texts in kanji, Fujiko mixes kanji with the occasional English word, Lupin writes in Japanese with roman letters, Jigen doesn't give a damn and writes in a lawless mix of Japanese and English. Their group chat is a nightmare.

----

Zenigata can't make a proper sentence in anything other than Japanese or English to save his life, but he can say "You're under arrest" and "Have you seen this man?" perfectly in 34 languages.

----

Lupin is usually well-spoken and polite, but in French he swears like a trucker. One day he stubs his toe against a table, and starts yelling "PUTAIN DE BORDEL DE MERDE D'ENCULE, FOUTUE TABLE DE MES DEUX!" (Fucking brothel of shit of ass-fucked, damned table of my two (implied: my two balls))

The next week, Jigen stubs his toe against the same table, and lets out one, loud, heartfelt, deeply american "FUCK!"

Fujiko forces them both to eat soap.

----

Fujiko and Lupin sometimes forget that the other two aren't fluent in a dozen languages, which can lead to conversations like this:

Fujiko (in German) : Hey, how would you say "Treppenwitz" in English?

Lupin (in German) : I dunno... (switching to English) Hey Goemon, how would you say "Treppenwitz" in English?

Goemon: ???????

----

One of the non-native English speakers mispronounces a word in front of Jigen, and learns that their whole life has been a lie.

Lupin: That guy was a total dum-bass!

Jigen, doing a double-take: What did you just say?

Lupin: He was a dum-bass. What? It's true.

Jigen: -snorts- Dum-bass.

Lupin: What??

Jigen: It's pronounced dum-ass, you idiot.

Lupin: It is WHAT?? That's completely stupid! Where did the B go???

Jigen: You pronounce "oiseaux" as "wazo" and you're asking me where the B went?????

----

Lupin trying to teach Jigen French:

Lupin: Marin.

Jigen: Marrant.

Lupin: No, that means "funny". Marin.

Jigen: Marron.

Lupin: That's "brown"!

Jigen: Why is every word in your godforsaken language pronounced the same???

Lupin: Says the guy whose language says "beach" and "bitch" the same way!!!

----

Jigen not understanding English words in Japanese sentences:

[In Japanese]

Lupin: I bought us some aisukurimu!

Jigen: Some what?

Lupin: Aisukurimu! Come help me put it in the freezer.

Jigen: What the fuck is aisukurimu? I just asked you to buy us some damn ice-cream!

----

Conversly, Goemon not understanding Japanese words used in other languages:

Lupin: Tu es un samouraï. (You are a samurai)

Goemon: ???

Lupin: Un sa-mou-ra-ï.

Goemon: I have absolutely no idea what you are saying to me.

----

Lupin (learned British English) and Jigen (from NYC) arguing for hours on whether it's po-tah-to or po-tay-to. Fujiko waltzes in after ten minutes, pronounces it with a thick Australian accent, then leaves. Shouting ensues.

----

Accidentally using straight translations of a word:

Goemon: Jigen, I can't find my wear-thing.

Jigen: Your what now?

Goemon: My wear-thing!

Jigen: .... YOU MEAN YOUR CLOTHES?

----

They're used to people in Japan not understanding English well, and thus speaking English among themselves when they don't want to be understood by others. This unfortunately does not work in other countries.

They also sometimes start speaking the wrong foreign language to the locals of whatever country they're in, because they travel so much they keep forgetting where they are.

----

Lupin is absolutely horrified by Frapanese and Engrish, Jigen is in stitches every time he sees it. He bought Lupin a tshirt that says "I don't need life I'm high on drugs". Lupin tried to burn it several times.

----

Goemon and Jigen are constantly fighting about the metric system vs imperial system.

----

In moments of panic, they can't remember certain words nor easily switch to another language, so you get warnings like "Put the stuff in the thing, it's gonna boom!"

----

Lupin finds out about the goémon, and never lets Goemon live it down.

(Alternatively: the Gang goes to France, a local discreetly asks Lupin why his partner is called Algae, Lupin cracks up)

----

Lupin and Goemon are cooking together, Lupin needs a specific utensil but cannot for the life of him remember its name, ends up asking for the "hot food shovel". Goemon also can't remember what it's called but give it to him nonetheless.

The next day at 3 in the morning, Goemon is brutally woken up by Lupin sitting up and yelling "SPATULA!!!"

----

Since they're constantly abroad, they're not up to date with the modern slang of their homeland.

Driver that Lupin honked at: Vas manger tes grands morts! (go eat your great deads)

Lupin: Ex-fucking-cusez moi????

----

Lupin is so used to the Japanese "r" he ends up saying "galage" instead of "garage".

One time he's working on a heist at 2 am, he's half-asleep, and accidentally signs his calling card "Rupan" in roman letters.

----

Lupin and Jigen are reading the newspaper, an article catches their eye and they start talking about it. It's only five minutes later, when they notice Goemon glaring at them, that they realize: they were speaking Italian the whole time.

----

During fights they tend to revert to their native language, so you get Lupin yelling in French and Fujiko responding in Japanese, neither of them willing to switch to accommodate the other. Jigen eventually joins in with a thick Bronx accent.

----

They also revert back to their native language during steamy times

Lupin gets really flustered from hearing Jigen speak French. Once, Jigen calls him "mon voleur" (my thief); Lupin's knees instantly turn into jelly.

[mithrifer]

i used to think zines were pronounced as zynes and not zeens and discovering the actual pronounciation has been so fucking terrible what the fucks a zeen that sucks ass so fucking hard

[saltysalmonkid]

Guillermo and derek bff headcanons because i miss derek so much

They play fortnite together on Guillermo's days off and YES Derek makes fun of Guillermo's gamertag all the time (despite his being something just as cringe)

Derek IMMEDIATELY clocks whatever the fuck is going on between Guillermo and Nandor and when Nandor shows hostility to him bc hes a jealous shit like that Derek goes "listen im not trying to get in between you two, Guillermo and I are just friends" and Nandor fucking shortcircuits from the implications of that statement for a good hour.

Derek asks Guillermo to tag along on him and Laszlo's weird little mentorship romps at first until one day he doesn't and Laszlo comes home with his hair and clothes all mussed up and Guillermo offhandedly asks him where he's been and he goes "as a matter of fact, i've just been out with your good friend Derek, and can I just say, he has a 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘤 pe-" and Guillermo fucking bolts back to his room before he can finish the sentence and frantically texts Derek "FUCKING LASZLO DUDE ARE YOU SERIOUS" and Derek texts back "dont tell me youve never thought about it" and Guillermo just stares at his phone for a good 10 minutes before replying "okay yeah fine"

Sometimes Guillermo goes over to his house to watch anime and by god does it feel good to have a guy around who actually understands all his references

Derek offers to turn Guillermo a bunch but he always says no and Derek gives him A Look everytime like "dude really. That asshole" and Guillermo just throws his hands in the air and shrugs and Derek shakes his head exasperatedly

Derek goes over to the Baron's air bnb to play with aspen a lot (bc technically it is his dog), so much so that he is barely fluent in the ancient vampiric tongue. Eventually the Baron starts giving him proper lessons (because his pronounciations suck ass and the Baron cringes everytime he says something) and he's fucking ecstatic about it bc hes a linguistic nerd like that

[uhnomahlee]

living in their truth // aot headcanon

gendervoid!ymir x black plus-size gnc reader (oc name: xasan)

synopsis: ymir falls for a transfer

includes: suggestive tone (18+), fluff, brat!ymir, matchmaker!hitch, ymir’s a whore for tongue piercings, eren gets his ass rocked, etc.

{mdni/f}

a/n: I would like to think i proofread :3 enjoy

“they’re a transfer from the military police,” hitch stimulated the conversation imposed by a single name sasha mentioned

“who wants to transfer if not choosing this sector in the first place?”

“i heard there was another reason they were part of the military police instead of the survey corps,” continued hitch, stretching out her legs in a deep lunge. “something about the certain abilities for protecting historia. don’t ask how they got out that setup, that’s all the info i got.”

ymir uncrossed their arms readying theirself for the run. “who cares. are we starting or what?”

“we’re actually waiting on someone,” hitch responded, folding herself into another stretch

huffing, ymir looked into the distance at the mountains where the sun usually rose

“they need to hurry the fuck up before the sun even starts breathing over the mountains”

“or what”

“hitch why do you always provoke them?” mikasa interjected

sasha waved a hand in mikasa’s face. “shh. wait. let’s see which one gets choked out first.”

hitch’s narrowed eyes relaxed as she saw movement in her peripheral. raising a hand, they waved at the approaching figure

“xasan! good morning!”

ymir’s resting gaze had shifted slightly, inhale hitching then elongating

the reaction was caught by hitch as xasan moved toward the group, a wide smile on their face

“hello,” xasan greeted, “nice to meet you all, i am xasan”

“hello ja-san. i’m sasha.”

she tried her best. xasan chuckled at the pronounciation

as much as ymir tried to fight it, that rumble in their throat as they laughed made goosebumps decorate ymir’s skin

“i’m mikasa”

while the group chatted the newcomer up, ymir examined them from a distance

keeping their astonishment low key, they let their gaze roam their broad physique, admiring the dark brown skin that glistened even with the lack of light

while ymir had attempted to look away, xasan caught their eye. accessories decorating the two front strands of their locs swayed as their head swiveled

regardless of ymir’s quietness, xasan had spoken to them

“hello”

something glinted in their mouth, planted on their tongue

“are you chewing a piece of metal?” sasha asked, moving into xasan’s personal space as she squinted at their mouth

mikasa’s hand reached out and gripped the back of sasha’s shirt, yanking their body out of xasan’s face

xasan rolled out their tongue, displaying the metal stud piercing.

“cool,” sasha marveled.

ymir—still reeling from the interaction—channeled their embarrassment into an attitude, eager to distract theirself from the entirety of this individual

“you can look at it all you want later. let’s start already.”

hitch began, “don’t be rude-”

“they’re right,” xasan’s eyes drifted towards ymir as they moved toward them. “the sun should be peeking over the hills soon.”

the group agreed with enthusiasm

ymir would be like i…i think like that too. kiss me maybe?

nonchalant niggas falling for their opposites quick as hell ™️

meals turned into speculating opportunities

after being served their food, ymir would scour the room for the familiar golden hair accessories that decorated xasan’s short dreads, sitting on the opposite side of their own table to steal glances

though speculation was not only for ymir

hitch and sasha couldn’t help to murmur to each other while ymir was distracted with an attempt to see what bogus mission explanation xasan was explaining so loud this time

there was irritation gnawing at their nerves. why?

maybe they were being too loud—no, the entire setting was bustling

perhaps they had no consideration for those around them—wrong, the entire table they were sitting at paid close attention to their words while they marveled shamelessly

then xasan--out of proximity and friendliness— placed a hang on the shoulder of the person sitting next to them, a firm grip shaking the individual as they continued the dramatics of the story

the twinge in ymir’s chest and the diversion of their prominent stare was an unspoken tell-all

peeking in front of them, their eyes met hitch’s glimmering orbs an understanding look on her face, while sasha’s folded lips hid their smile, snickers, and suggestive gestures

after swallowing a piece of bread and meat, sasha spoke, “so ymir, hitch and i were thinking about inviting ja-san to hang out with us from now on. they’re really somethin’ else huh?”

ymir shrugged, contorting their face to give display of ‘why ask me, i wouldn’t fucking know’

“well are you okay with them being around? because it’s gonna happen a lot more now.” hitch out her elbows on the table, placing her head in the palm of her hand as she leaned closer across the table. “a lot more.”

“i’m okay with reaching down into your throats and taking out whatever keeps letting you talk,” ymir hissed, stabbing at their food

mikasa let out a snicker, covering their mouth in case food came out

hitch and sasha gave a subtle look to each other

“why the fuck are you all acting like this?” ymir couldn’t even get a bite in, the mood of their friends making them uneasy

“we love you.”

ymir flinched. “okay.”

so the group did exactly as promised and melded xasan into the group

the sum-up of the guys meeting them was an attempt to be friendly but failing

not showing interest in subtle advances by some of them, xasan punted them into the friend-zone, disregarding compliments

ymir would turn into a spirit of dark energy seething at how quick they closed in on xasan

when a sparring session was offered by eren after xasan explained the origin of their style, ymir rolled their eyes, scoffing loud enough for the rest of the group to hear

“somethin’ the matter?” sasha blurted out

“sasha i swear-”

ymir saw the first move made by xasan—a deflection of eren’s punch with a hit to his bicep, making his face contort in confusion and pain, their left hand flew in for an uppercut, frantically blocked by eren’s opposing arm

xasan’s mouth was moving as they dodged and threw hits, talking to eren with a smile on their face

what the hell are they doing? eren furrowed his brows, trying to concentrate on their fluid movements. i’ve never felt hits so heavy. what are their bones made out of, he thought, eyes darting around to guess where the next attack was instead of worrying about defense--he was exactly where xasan wanted him

“the ending really got me,” they chuckled “i actually ended up having a breakdown and tore a tree from the ground”

a multitude of kicks rained down on eren, xasan’s foot meeting the sides of his torso, arms, and legs

he tried to get a punch in, earning another deflection, a palm flying in towards his face and jutting his chin upwards.

“and the thing is i read it again right after i was done with it. maybe i do hate myself”

unbalanced, eren began stumbling backward until he fell on his ass, cheeks and tips of his ears reddening immediately

the group threw themselves into a fit of laughter

ymir on the hand was absolutely smitten

like they had the option to take this nigga out fully, but just played in his face

they liked the fact it didn’t take much to show their strength other than the fact it was already wafting off of them with their very presence

ymir blinked theirself out of their trance seeing xasan jog back to them

not the group, directly to ymir

ymir thought they had done something wrong, body growing rigid with a light sweat following. chewing the inside of their cheek they kept a hard stare fighting not to look away

ymir would have never in their life dared to approach them first. the sheer essence of romantic rejection made them physically gag

they have literally no thoughts when xasan is in their proximity

instead of complimenting them ymir just says outta pocket things. not even mean…just outta pocket

“you should’ve broken his face when you had the chance,” was the first thing to leave their mouth as xasan came up to them

the group erupted into another fit of laughter eavesdropping on the interaction

“i have the feeling there will be a rematch soon. i most definitely will be” xasan grinned, still panting

that was all ymir could muster up, mouth agape with nothing leaving it

“we should go for drinks later,” xasan offered, hands on their hips

ymir nodded absentmindedly, taking in the sweet musk that emanated from them.

“hello?” xasan waved in their face. “you okay ymir?”

blood rushed to ymir’s cheeks as they heard their name spoken with xasan’s accent

and they wanted to hear it again and again until fate teared them apart

hitch came up to the two to help out. “they would love to go. actually—this just came to mind—why don’t we make this a group outing? you seem to be mixing with the group well.”

“sounds good. i would love to poke around your personalities a bit more” their eyes didn’t even leave ymir as they said the statement

hitch bit back a smile. “ah yes. of course.” she nudged ymir and they were still unresponsive “um…ymir will be there too.”

xasan brightened. “let me know when we’re going? imma go wash up” they gave ymir’s arm a departing gentle pat before jogging toward the dorms

the further xasan got, the more ymir unfroze

“wow,” sasha began, walking up with connie, jean and mikasa “how was that for ya?”

“do not let me do anything stupid tonight” ymir grumbled

“huh?” hitch cupped her ear

“if you see me about to do something i wouldn’t normally do. stop me,” they explained further

“define ‘something you wouldn’t do’” hitch probed, the devil on her shoulder rubbing its hands

ymir looked to her, silent

pursing her lips, hitch sighed and slumped her shoulders. “why would you do something stupid. it’s just xasan? our friend” she was inducing a subtle confession

ymir bit their tongue, noticing everyone’s stare

“forget i said that” ymir backed away from the group, needing time alone. “if you’re all going to be weird let me just not say anything at all”

that night the group gathered in town, attending their favorite local tavern

ymir immediately saw the lack of xasan’s presence, looking around the sidewalk as they fiddled with their black long sleeve

“hitch should be coming with them in a bit” a voice answered the thoughts in ymir’s head

ymir looked to mikasa, their face heating up

a couple minutes later, the two did approach the tavern, chatting

ymir looked at xasan for second before escaping and entering the tavern for a drink

their warning from earlier would begin to make sense

the loud setting of the tavern mixed with the numbness of the alcohol did little to block xasan out

to ymir, they were a being of light with an everlasting glow

also their eyes could actually never leave them

the dance floor was xasan’s, every variant of beat was met with ease, rhythmic rolls of their body attracting all the eyes of the building

but they could care less

one thing ymir could admire about xasan--among the countless other factors--was the fact that they lived as they should. no shame. what was on their mind was said and they knew no one could take that right from them. ymir didn't need to analyze and try to break them down like they did with everyone else.

they just were

xasan’s eyes were closed. they used their limbs to their advantage telling a story with their moves. the foundation and fluidity of the moves matched their hand to hand combat style

the gold decor in their hair created glimmering streaks as they spun and flipped around

they contorted their body easily, kicking a leg over in a back bend then going into a cartwheel

staring in awe, ymir nearly brought their hand together to clap with everyone else, meeting sasha’s anticipating eyes

though very buzzed, they could still tell what their friends were up to, stifling the action by just rubbing their hands together

ymir poured theirself another cup from the table’s pitcher, downing it in one go

after a couple seconds, things became very different very quick

ymir was swaying slightly to the music, palms patting each other under the table

xasan even danced with a drink in their hand, chugging the liquid before slamming the cup on the table

they traveled over to the team’s table hand reaching out for sasha who was giddy, ready to get on the floor already

the group cheered for the two, clapping louder as they galloped around the open space, faces beaming with grins, laughter following. they spun and waltzed across the floor, stomping along to the rhythm

jaw clenched, ymir stood, not waiting for their balance to catch up.

“i’ll be back” they zigzagged to the corridor

just waited in the restroom until the song was over and everyone applauded

they were too drunk to deal with a very gorgeous looking xasan dance with other people

can ymir dance? no.

would they get on the dance floor by theirself? absolutely not.

if they had the chance to be in the arms of xasan, being led by their movements, bodies pressed to each other’s, would they accept the offer?

regardless of the answer, the sensation in ymir’s abdomen after the thought warped their mood entirely

groaning, they pushed the door open bumping into someone else

as soon as the scent hit them, ymir looked up at xasan, gulping down the large accumulation of spit in their mouth

they walked backwards allowing ymir out

“i was just looking for you” xasan spoke with a slight slur, deep smooth tone made it even worse for ymir when laced with the alcohol

mind blank. no thoughts. just staring. ymir breathed in, skin warming

that piercing created thoughts ymir had no busy thinking about

“how’s your night going so far?” they asked, leaning a shoulder onto the wall.

remember they resort to saying random shit

“it’s not my night,” they slurred “i don’t own that shit.”

xasan sputtered out a laugh putting a hand on ymir’s shoulder

their touch ignited ymir’s body

“and there it is. just as i thought. there is a possibility for you to be cuter than you already are”

ymir processed the statement. “are you talking about me being cute or you being cute? we can talk about you being cute that makes more sense. and it’s stuff we both think about, right?”

xasan diverted their gaze, chuckling softly “uh, yeah?”

when their eyes met again, xasan’s hand cupped ymir’s cheek, thumb brushing over the brown freckles

“i think about you, ymir.”

ymir cleared their throat. “i…we are d-developing a good friendshi-”

“i think about you in a lot of different ways” xasan spoke pointedly, thumb skimming ymir’s bottom lip. they stepped closer, leaning down a bit

“you’re okay with me touching you?”

“yes,” that answer was so quick. ymir was that close to adding a ‘please’ but bit the inside of their cheek

something in ymir snapped when xasan’s hand met the small of the back and pulled them in to their body, their warmth exchanging

“i’ve been waiting be alone with you since i asked you out earlier”

ymir closed their eyes, leaning into xasan’s hand on their cheek

they didn’t notice the small kiss they placed on their palm until xasan commented how cute they were bringing them back down to earth

“do not call me that shit.”

xasan rubbed along their spine, feigning a frown. “is that a challenge?”

ymir rolled their eyes, tensing when xasan’s hand gripped their jaw—not harsh. guiding

“i would not do that if i were you,” they whispered, gaze burning into ymir’s

that tone made ymir an absolute mess

ymir’s thinking ‘hmm attitude equals this? what will being a brat give me?’

bc ymir is definitely of brat essence please pay attention

“good thing you aren’t then.”

xasan glanced at their lips, before saying, “let’s join the others before we get in trouble.”

ymir agreed not wanting to hear anything from the group. “i’ll leave first.”

retracting their arms, ymir smoothed out their outfit, giving a small departing wave before walking back out into the main room

the noise unmuted as they separated from xasan

everyone looked to ymir as they sat down

mikasa smelled xasan’s unique fragrant all over them

“did you see xasan on your way out? everyone’s asking for them. even the band” hitch eyed ymir’s demeanor

ymir shrugged, pouring theirself another cup of beer

“go check yourself” they downed the drink

another tier of drunkenness had been reached

hitch narrowed her eyes until xasan came through the entryway, attention landing on ymir. they waved to the table while ymir poured another cup trying not to blatantly ask for their touch again

“where have you been?” hitch asked. looking between the two

“i drunk. i piss. a wonderful cycle on a night like this,” was xasan’s response

ymir laughed looking at hitch. “idiot”

“actually, ymir?” xasan placed their hands on the table

ymir straightened tf up

“can you pour me a cup?”

everyone went silent.

ymir never poured anyone else beer but their own no matter how many times someone asked. and for as long as they’ve known each other that was still the case

so when they saw their friend grab a clean cup from the middle of the table and pour xasan a cup with no rebuttal. no backlash. no nothing. they knew

ymir was one to do anything for their romantic interest. no hesitation. sober or not

“thank you” xasan took the drink with a sly smile

ymir raised their mug and hit it against xasan’s

simultaneous chug plus ymir’s heart eyes on their crush

after that drink it was all over for ymir’s memory

the next day, hungover, ymir kept to theirself in their bedroom until it was time for a meeting in the middle of the day

they just drank water and laid down in bed not remembering shit from the night before

when it was time for the meeting ymir rolled out of bed, stretching their body out with a guttural groan

“fuck” they stood up, rolling their shoulders back “shit. fuck this.”

they stumbled around the bedroom, gathering clean clothes to wear

a knock came to the door

“ymir! you up? we gotta go!” hitch yelled

ymir opened their door “shut the fuck up”

hitch handed them a steaming cup of mint tea

grunting a ‘thanks’ ymir took the cup and walked out of the room

hitch stayed silent, clearly wanting to ask something but just throwing glances at ymir

ymir sighed, brushing strands of hair from their face “what the hell are you looking at me for? somethin’ on my face?“

“how’d your night go?” she rushed out as they entered the room for the meeting

shrugging, ymir searched for the empty seats near their friends. “don’t remember much. didn’t throw up so that’s always a plus.” they narrowed their eyes as they sat down next to mikasa “and why are you asking me? with that tone?”

hitch raise her hands in innocence “just asking. saw another side of you is all”

mid-sip, ymir choked, coughing as quiet as they could while everyone settled in

the hell was that supposed to mean? they were supposed to be stopping them if they did something stupid not simply let it happen. but ymir should’ve known better with their mischievous asses

now ymir was racking their brain to figure out what the fuck happened, hating the fact they were left in the dark concerning their own drunken actions

the meeting began and as it did that sweet musk wafted into ymir’s nose, thoughts scrambling more than before

then everything began to fall into place

the alluring scent, the touches, that fucking piercing...but what was spoken? what was said?

what else was done?

“i had a fun time dancing with you last night,” their voice whispered from behind ymir, lips brushing their ear

ymir’s mouth dropped open, eyes widening, as their skin reddened immensely

“fuck”