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elektrischemaidchen · 11 days ago

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Lisztober #31: The End of All Things

Chi po dir, com egli arde, è’n picciol foco.

The end is here. One last song. Does anyone actually have any idea how we ended up here, from ‘Zeitmaschine‘ on? No? Neither do we. But it was incredible fun. We laughed, we cried (I cried… a lot), we were sometimes without a plan and then again not...and now we're here, after 31 days… and it hurts to say goodbye, my darlings. It really does. Lisztober was pretty life-defining for 4 weeks. Energy-sapping. Motivating. And extremely beautiful.

55 pages of handwritten pages in my notebook (I always write everything by hand, it's a creative spleen, I'm superstitious), a total of 1:58 hours of music (Oh God!). And that's just the end product. You wouldn't believe how many night-overs we've spent...

And a broken box, a stinky studio (pizza boxes!), hoarseness (‘Sttttirrrb!’), 24 Liszt biographies, lots of coffee, lots of empty wine bottles and more cigarettes than I've ever smoked before (I promised Lacelove that I'd quit in November. Again.) For you, for Franz, for us. What a ride.

The bets are already on that I in particular will now fall into a deep hole of depression. To be honest: probably.

And I'll tell you when this moment will come: Tomorrow at the latest, when I have to stand in front of Franz Liszt's grave in Bayreuth and I'll almost certainly cry. Without a mask. Franz and I, we have seen so much of each other this month,I won’t need any. And none of you want that on the video, believe me. If anyone is able see all the tension fall away from me, it's him. By the way, if you want me to bring him something from you, say something. I'd be happy to. He'll definitely get a candle and flowers.

What's left to say now? No more songs about Franz's terrible last days. About his funeral. About the Wagners. Just this: ‘Oh, lieb, so lang Du lieben kannst.’ Didn't you realise how tricky we handled the topic on Lisztober #6? That's why:

No Lisztober without Liebestraum No3. We're not peasants (after all). My shitty piano skills are hidden deep within this song. And I think you can even hear our relief and love here. We were exhausted. That‘s what Franz may have wanted too. To remember him as he was. With all his facets. Wild, beautiful, thoughtful, reverent and unique. Memento Mori. And after 31 days with all the ups and downs, would I still make love to Franz Liszt as my first duty, if I had a time machine? More than ever, by God.

By the way, if anyone is interested in getting one or the other song (or all of them, you freaks! ;)), please write us a message and we'll send you a download link. (Funnily enough, ‘Ode an den Moon’ is probably the most popular song so far, beyond tumblr...you guys have some weird kinks ;))

Finally, we would like to thank @franzliszt-official again for the great idea and the wonderful topics you brought to life with your post. (As already said, we are happy to show our appreciation! Say something! Or come and visit us! <3 You are now an honorary member of the Maidchen Squad!) This was your idea, your topics and you alone are to blame for the fact that we gladly escalated for you. Are you planning a whole Liszt-year in 2026? We‘ re in. Thank you also @chopinski-official for your kind words and that we were also allowed to give you some thirst as well ;)

Thanks to all the listeners who haven't switched off yet!

Thank you, Lacelove, who, despite her lack of understanding of my Liszt-Thirst, stoically went along with the biggest Maidchen project ever (!) without quitting. And she also finished the album in the meantime. You are the best! I love you!

But we would also like to thank our families, friends and fellow musicians who have stuck with us through all of this. It wasn't always easy for you. (And I vow to my boys that I will only be there for them at Bandcamp...even if I have to write a new press release in ‘Weimar style’ - that's what they call it now ;) - ) Some of our friends even thought Lisztomania was about listeria. Almost. ;)

And to finish off this already very long post: The sole reason the Maidchen exist at all is to make like-minded people out there happy. To make them laugh. Or to hit the heart. We don't want to become famous or earn money with our music. Our real merit is that you are here with us.

And before I start weeping: Goodnight you princes (and Queens and non-binary Fairies) of Maine, you kings (and Queens and Non-binary Fairies) of New England. Thank you, tumblr! We are Elektrische Maidchen! Good night! (or good morning!) Time for Cognac.

See you tomorrow. In hell. Bayreuth.

Lyrics:

O lieb’, so lang du lieben kannst!/O love, as long as love you can, O lieb’, so lang du lieben magst!/O love, as long as love you may, Die Stunde kommt, die Stunde kommt,/The time will come, the time will come, Wo du an Gräbern stehst und klagst!/When you will stand at the grave and mourn! Und sorge, daß dein Herze glüht/Be sure that your heart burns, Und Liebe hegt und Liebe trägt,/And holds and keeps love Solang ihm noch ein ander Herz,/As long as another heart beats warmly In Liebe warm entgegenschlägt!/With its love for you Und wer dir seine Brust erschließt,/And if someone bears his soul to you O tu ihm, was du kannst, zulieb’!/Love him back as best you can Und mach’ ihm jede Stunde froh,/Give his every hour joy, Und mach ihm keine Stunde trüb!/Let him pass none in sorrow! Und hüte deine Zunge wohl,/And guard your words with care, Bald ist ein böses Wort gesagt!/Lest harm flow from your lips! O Gott, es war nicht bös gemeint, -/Dear God, I meant no harm, Der andre aber geht und klagt./But the loved one recoils and mourns. O lieb’, solang du lieben kannst!/O love, love as long as you can! O lieb’, solang du lieben magst!/O love, love as long as you may! Die Stunde kommt, die Stunde kommt,/The time will come, the time will come, Wo du an Gräbern stehst und klagst!/When you will stand at the grave and mourn. Dann kniest du nieder an der Gruft/You will kneel alongside the grave Und birgst die Augen, trüb und naß,/And your eyes will be sorrowful and moist, – Sie sehn den andern nimmermehr -/– Never will you see the beloved again – Ins lange, feuchte Kirchhofsgras./Only the churchyard’s tall, wet grass. Und sprichst: O schau’ auf mich herab,/You will say: Look at me from below, Der hier an deinem Grabe weint!/I who mourn here alongside your grave! Vergib, daß ich gekränkt dich hab’/Forgive my slights! O Gott, es war nicht bös gemeint!/Dear God, I meant no harm! Er aber sieht und hört dich nicht,/Yet the beloved does not see or hear you, Kommt nicht, daß du ihn froh umfängst;/He lies beyond your comfort; Der Mund, der oft dich küßte, spricht/The lips you kissed so often speak Nie wieder: Ich vergab dir längst!/Not again: I forgave you long ago! Er tat’s, vergab dir lange schon,/Indeed, he did forgive you, Doch manche heiße Träne fiel/But tears he would freely shed, Um dich und um dein herbes Wort -/Over you and on your unthinking word – Doch still – er ruht, er ist am Ziel!/Quiet now! – he rests, he has passed. O lieb’, solang du lieben kannst!/O love, love as long as you can! O lieb’, solang du lieben magst!/O love, love as long as you may! Die Stunde kommt, die Stunde kommt,/The time will come, the time will come, Wo du an Gräbern stehst und klagst!/When you will stand at the grave and mourn. Danke, Franz, wo immer Du jetzt bist. L’avantage des gens qui vous aiment, c’est qu’ils vous comprennent mieux que vous. Et s’ils ne vous comprennent pas vraiment, au moins ils vous aiment!!!!!!!!!

O lieb’, solang du lieben kannst!/O love, love as long as you can! O lieb’, solang du lieben magst!/O love, love as long as you may! Die Stunde kommt, die Stunde kommt,/The time will come, the time will come, Wo du an Gräbern stehst und klagst!/When you will stand at the grave...

#lisztober #franz liszt #lisztomania

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a-x-s-c-e · 7 months ago

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Long time no see :')

I just remembered this account exists and finally logged on for first time in a decade. And possibly to the surprise of no one, I still write fanfiction and it's still SasuHina. Go figure.

Some general updates:

"Differently" - AU, Divorce, Rated M, Cross-Posted on FF and AO3 is updated pretty frequently, maybe too frequently, but I've become kind of obsessed with where it's headed. I just updated today! It's posted on AO3 first but I'm about to upload the newest chapter (9) on FF. Maybe it's because I use AO3 a little more, but the review traction is a lot slower on this. If you happen to like this story or give it a go, feel free to review. :')

"Inevitable Reality" - AU, Rated M, only on FF was last updated September 2023, a whole 8 years later from previous chapter. Don't jump me. :( I'm planning on finishing this story this year, or early next. I re-read it recently (and cringed at my old writing) but somehow didn't hate it as much as I thought I would. I forgot how much I love weirdo Hinata and anxious Sasuke, they're too cute to give up on. I was searching the title of this and found it surprisingly on a few recommendation lists. Thanks to those that read it/still message me about it! I promise to work on it this year. I would offer to re-write and fix, but I am not as motivated to do that. We'll see.

SasuHina Month 2024 - I am considering doing it...we'll see! I want to work on writing in universe - I've been so stuck on AUs because I'm always hesistant to write something incorrect with the series. I'm actually re-reading Naruto (and in deep, nostalgic pain from it) and plan to give Boruto another chance. So, if I participate, I'm hoping to write it entirely in universe as a challenge. Stay tuned!

Finally (and just as a bonus wtf comment)

"You're Welcome" - that one's from 2011 (I was a child when I wrote this) and I will never read it again. I cringe at the thought LOL. I want to delete it but I love reviews and sometimes I read them (even if they're old) for a confidence boost. Idk why some of you read it within the last four years, I know it's not well written and that's just me assuming who I was back then - out of all my other stories, this is simply one I physically cannot re-read without my face scrunching up. Anyway TL;DR I won't delete but I wish I had the guts to. Read my other fics instead LOL

In an effort to avoid spamming the SasuHina Discord, I'll just post chapter updates here. I don't know if I'll post as read-mores whatever linked there, and I haven't really been active on tumblr in forever either, so we'll see. I'll likely prepare a fanfic recommendations post soon but don't be surprised if non-SasuHina fics make the cut - I've expanded the net when I run out of things to read heh.

Thanks for reading!

#sasuhina #ao3 fanfic #fanfiction #sasuke x hinata #ao3 writer #naruto #naruto fanfiction

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kawoshinweek · 6 months ago

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And that's a WRAP! Thank you all SO much for participating, I am genuinely amazed by how many people took part in this event and by all the incredible works made for it!!

But Kawoshin Week doesn't have to be entirely over yet - I am still going through all the cool stuff you all have made, and plan on making a last wrap-up post with a total count of the works made for the week once I'm able to! In the meantime, a few things:

💙 If I accidentally missed your work for the week and haven't shared it, feel free to let me know!

💜 I'll still be keeping an eye out for the #kawoshinweek2024 tag (albeit less frequently) for the rest of the month. So if you were unable to participate or finish your work in time but would still like to do so, I will still happily share it! You can also tag me!

💙 To anyone who may have missed it, in addition to Tumblr this event is also on Twitter and Ao3. There's plenty of works unique to either site, so I fully encourage you to check the Kawoshin Week account on both here and Twitter as well as the Ao3 Collection to enjoy it to the fullest!

💜 If you're on both sites and haven't done so, feel free to crosspost your work; I'd love to share it in both places!

💙 If you're not on both sites but would like your creations for the week to be shared on Twitter, please feel free to send a dm/ask and let me know - I'd be happy to repost it there on the Kawoshin Week account for you (with credit and a link back to your original post)!

Lastly, on a personal note, the past couple days have marked a full year since I first watched Evangelion last year!! This week in a way doubled as a celebration of that, so I am truly really thankful to everyone for being so enthusiastic and passionate and making this week so fun and special!!

I hope it's likewise been an exciting and rewarding experience for everyone who participated - I'd love to hear your thoughts on it if you'd like to share!!

And that's it for now!!! I'll be back for a wrap-up post later into the month.

I won't make any promises this early, but this week has been a blast, so within possibility I'd love to return for a Kawoshin Week 2025 next year! Thank you all again and see you next time!! 💜💙

#kawoshinweek2024 #kawoshin week #mod post

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lovejosephquinn · 2 years ago

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hii! can i request a joe quinn x reader? something super angsty, maybe where the reader wants to break up and he refuses to accept it and is like begging her to stay?

I want to make this sting, I apologise in advance

Oh and by the way, I'm sorry if my angst isn't great, I'm not used to writing it lmao

Read Part 2 Here. ◀◀◀

This had been a long awaited battle, Joe had finished filming a week early somewhere in the states and you'd been so excited to have him back by your side, you'd not seen your boyfriend for a couple of months, arranging a date night as soon as he'd got back as a surprise, planning everything, making it special. Then came the excuses. Another couple of weeks went by and there was still no sign of him returning home.

'I've got to stay a little longer, love. I'm sorry.'

'I won't be coming home this week. I'll call you soon.'

'I'm sorry I've not called, I've been so busy.'

'Sorry I forgot to text you today.'

And chances were when he did text you on the rare occasion, you were fast asleep due to the time difference. This was unlike Joe, he'd usually be blowing up your phone and that's how you knew something clearly wasn't right. The list became endless, the calls and the messages became less, every reply became more blunt and it had really gotten to you, it was like he didn't care anymore, the pushing away took you to the edge.

This was a solid relationship of two years falling into a dark abyss, then came the day when you hit the roof. Scrolling through twitter, you came across a post on Joe's hashtag. It pictured him stood with a girl in a familiar pub in London looking rather cosy, not fan cosy, personally cosy. "What the fuck?" your raised voice echoed across the walls of your flat as you sat up from where you laid on the sofa, screaming internally at the picture. You knew it was recent because Joe was wearing the leather jacket you'd bought him for his birthday, had he been back in London without telling you? How, what, when?

You tried to call him instantly, no answer. Shock.

You threw your phone onto the coffee table, sat twisting your silver promise ring that Joe got you which had remained on your middle finger for almost a year, tears strained your eyes and a million thoughts rapidly shot through your mind, your heart beating twice it's normal rate. So you decided to go to his flat to check, you could've had this all wrong, for the thin ice that the relationship was wobbling on at this moment, you'd seriously hoped you had.

You sat at your steering wheel, staring up to the window of Joe's flat. The light was on, not much sign of life from what you could see from the high up view but needless to say, there was definitely someone there. As you took the hasty steps up to his front door, you knocked and within 10 seconds the door answered. There he was.

"Y/N, I didn't expect you."

"Could say the same." you folded your arms, tapping your fingers against it.

"I wanted to surprise you but I-"

"How long have you been back?" you flat out interrupted.

"Not long, love. I was going to call you." That's not the answer you were looking for.

"Are you going to let me in?" You moved yourself closer to the front door and Joe instantly moved it fully open, gesturing you inside.

Joe tried to envelope you in a hug, simply like nothing had happened but before you reciprocated you wanted the full truth to be out in the open. "Can I ask you something?" The words shot out of your mouth before you could even think.

"Sure love, what's on your mind?"

"Can you explain this?" You pulled out your phone with a print screen of the picture you'd witnessed earlier on.

Joe sighed, he could've lied but was quickly realising you knew the honest truth.

"I've been back a couple of days, I was catching up with an old friend who was on the same flight back as me."

"Are you for real? So you didn't think to call me, text me let me know you'd landed home safely, instead you decide to go have some drinks with this 'old friend'? Do you expect me to believe this crap?"

You pushed Joe out of arms reach, he tried to step back forward but you moved back when he did.

"I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? Is that all you have to say?!" You shouted back at him, your blood was boiling and your tears were filling under your eyelids, staining your eyes making them glisten. Joe said nothing.

"Weeks Joseph. Weeks I've gone without barely hearing a thing. Weeks I've gone without hearing that you miss me or that you love me, weeks I've gone without clearly not being thought about. That's not my Joey, that's a fucking stranger." You scoffed at his inability to make a sentence. "I'm done."

"So that's it, you're letting go?" Joe protested, halting you and standing in your way from letting you walking out the front door.

"There's nothing left to let go of, I've been trying to hold on to hope for weeks."

"So what did you come for?" Joe's voice hitched.

"The truth and I got it with pretty much no explanation, but there's none needed now." Your tears streamed down your face, you wiped them away attempting to stay strong, also striving to get Joe out of the way so you could leave, but he'd become like he was made of iron, he wasn't letting you go now.

"Y/N, I'm sorry for what I've done. Nothing happened with her if that's what you're thinking, I'd never hurt you like that."

"Well I'm glad you didn't and honestly? I believe it. But what's not okay is the ignorance, the waste of two years of my life spent with someone who I believed thought the world of me but instead as I said proved to be more of a stranger this last month."

"I have a job to do Y/N."

"You'd done your fucking job, god knows what you were doing or where you were swanning off too, but it surely was enough to keep your attention to not be able to take 5 minutes out of your day to let me, your girlfriend know you were busy. I was the last to know everything and that's extremely shit of you." Joe attempted one last time, lunging forward to kiss you, as if that'd make it all better. That was when you slapped him square in the jaw. His hand caught the sting, looking down to the floor, his eyes returning sorrowfully to yours.

"Fuck you." you grimaced.

"Y/N, I love you, please can we work this out?"

"Correction Joseph, you loved me, there's a difference."

You could almost pinpoint the moment you saw Joe's heart break, mirroring your own shattered organ.

"That's not fair, I still love you as much as I did before I left. I'm begging you. I can't lose you." Joe fell to his knees, gripping onto your hands as he began to sob, the noises he mustered were just low whimpers, his brown eyes burned through yours, his bottom lip trembling.

"Then why did you let yourself push me away?" You tried to ignore his regret, keeping to your guns and not letting him win this.

"Because I'm a fucking fool that's why."

"You can say that again." You knew you shouldn't have, but the sarcastic bark of laughter that erupted from your lips was something you couldn't help per his last reply.

"Actions have consequences, you broke my heart and now I'm breaking yours right back. If that makes me a bad person, so be it. You want me? Fight for me."

"What do you think I'm doing right now? I'm on my knees for you Y/N, please don't leave me. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I love you so much."

"Then why did you lie to me, why did you ignore me?"

"I just got caught up in being offered to see the city I was in by one of the cast members I worked with, he kindly did it and then I had to do a couple of interviews and press. I should've been more clear."

"And then lying to me, you've been back here at least a few days Joe, why didn't you let me know?"

"I was going too."

"But you didn't."

Joe shook his head, it hung lowly to the ground now like a child being told off by a grown up.

"No I didn't."

You managed to rip your hands from his grip, taking off your promise ring and throwing it down onto his lap.

"Y/N, your ring, no! Don't!"

"Step one is admittance Joe, step two is acceptance. I need to sleep on this shit. I love you but you've seriously hurt me, something I never expected of you."

"Baby, please." He tried to reach for you again.

"Don't. You know where I'll be. If you seriously want to save this relationship, if you're really sorry. You'll be at my flat tomorrow with a full apology, a full reasoning and full knowledge that you'll never do this to me again then I might slowly start to forgive you. As for the ring, it was a promise you'd love me forever and that's a direct quote from the man I thought I knew."

"I won't do this again."

"Actions speak louder than words, Quinn. Prove it."

You had no more to say, at least for tonight. You waltzed past him, leaving him flat on his knees, he didn't fight back to keep you in his presence this time; truly defeated. Bellowing into his hands, the last thing you hear was him call out your name before walking out the door. For good? Who knew. Even though he'd done wrong. You still loved him.

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nerd-on-duty · 2 years ago

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Tatort Saarbrücken (aka Spatort) english subtitles

For all international fans who want to watch Tatort Saabrücken (of annual tumblr trending fame) but don't speak German, fear not:

send me a DM and I can send you a link for the english subs. :)

(I normally respond within a day or two, so if you haven't heard from me a week after you sent your message, please feel free to send another one! Sometimes my DMs get a bit flooded and I don't see everyone, I promise I'm not ignoring you!)

As of today, the most recent episode (#4 - Die Kälte der Erde) is finished as well.

And for all the people who already have the link, it's in the same folder as the other ones.

(Btw, if you'd like me to make full CC versions as well, just send me a message and I'll be happy to do so!)

Also, this is your annual friendly reminder to please not post the link publicly :)

EDIT (24 Sep 2023): I am still active on here - if you'd like the link, simply shoot me a message! If you don't hear from me within a week or two feel free to send me a gentle reminder, I probably just opened the message and the notification indicator went away.

Also, if any of the episode links become inactive do let me know and I'll get on fixing it asap! :) So far I've always found alternatives, but since I don't personally check them every month I don't always notice right away if there's anything wrong with them.

If you want to filter spoilers in the meantime, block #spatort spoilers to avoid seeing them on this blog

#spatort #tatort saarbrücken #spatort subtitles #tatort saarbrücken subtitles #subtitles #I'd post it publicly but I don't want to get sued #my posts

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hamofjustice · 1 year ago

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Hey it's the guy from that other rant about how Nemona, Arven, and Penny are getting ignored for no reason by DLC advertising in a game that's supposed to be about forming treasured unbreakable bonds with well-written sad kids who desperately needed friends and are presented as sort of Strength, Courage and Wisdom Trio by the ending, back with a new post now that one of the DLCs is out and haha I bet you know what I have to say don't you

What was the point of excluding Nemona, Arven, and Penny from The Teal Mask if there are three unnamed and generic-modeled but consistently written student NPCs present anyway, and the content is level 60-75, so you're clearly not intended to do it without finishing the game*? Not only do they not see you off or gain any new dialogue when you get home, they aren't mentioned or alluded to in any way shape or form. They're still statues standing in their rooms with one line of dialogue, the one thing I wanted DLC and updates to change the most. They never notice you left the country for a week.

* UPDATE: Apparently the DLC has level scaling even though the base game didn't, and it is accessible with 0 badges, and that is why there are no references to the preexisting story - it might not have happened yet. Fascinating. I guess that part holds less weight then and this whole post is a little less necessary. I'll leave the rest of the post unedited but it really did seem like this was designed as postgame content only regardless of when it becomes available. Guess not! So I guess, instead, the story got shot in the foot a little bit by the decision to make it available to new players instead of for no reason. I think they should have let it be postgame content, but, I'm a little less worried now. This makes sense within those rules. I guess.

Fanart like this is now coming out and getting tons of likes asking why this happened after six months of countless pieces of cute fanart like this all turned out to be for nothing.

As people are already realizing, it would have been really fun and logical for two of the three who don't really get along with each other yet (which is any combination of them, really, that's part of the fun, and part of why their stories should continue) to be forced to team up into an odd couple, while the third gets to know Carmine and perhaps build a rivalry with her. Wouldn't it be fun to see them talking about their own adventures they were going on, and how they were starting to get along, even if it was happening offscreen? (Because this DLC is focused on introducing new characters to set up for later and that's fine) Wouldn't it be smart to set up the group dynamic for Indigo Disc in advance as preparation for a return to Area Zero and that whole professor-haunted main plotline with a larger cast?

It's just giving me even more apparently-not-unfounded paranoia that yeah, we've never been shown the friend trio in new footage in a DLC trailer because not just Penny but somehow even Arven and Nemona are going to be completely irrelevant to a DLC about finding closure on Area Zero's story and going to a school all about top-level battling. Why else would they go this far out of their way to avoid including them as characters? This is like... active sabotage of their own story at this point.

... Could they really just not be bothered to model three characters in jinbei, and repeatedly shot in the foot their best story yet and all the setup they did for continuing it... over that? That'd be stupid, right? Unfortunately, I don't have the confidence in the company to put anything past them right now.

I just don't know how The Indigo Disc is going to carry the weight of everything they've set up expectations for it to do, unless it's like three times bigger than this little teaser of a DLC in terms of actual story and postgame battles, and most importantly to me, the postgame hanging-out that they very suspiciously also won't show the original friend trio for that we were promised by the story almost a year ago as a happy ending, that we haven't actually gotten to participate in on-screen at all, outside of the Ace Academy Tournament (whose music is perfect for that happy victory lap feeling by the way).

I'm afraid now more than ever that all of my happy thoughts about how this generation and these precious characters should be wrapped up and what should be in The Indigo Disc aren't going to happen, and... it'll just go unceremoniously into the trash can with the other generations after a few more months of trailers probably making it clear that despite all the sappy memories with your original group and the girl who calls the player character her treasure and her rival for life, the game is about Carmine and Kieran now instead of them joining the group, and it will be remembered as the half assed cash grab game and not the one with a big heart and deep character writing hidden in it, if they care THIS aggressively, out-of-their-way little about the reason the game has heart. Not that I don't like these new newcomers too, but. There was a different way to go about this.

Pokemon Masters and Pokemon Special and stuff will try their best to compensate and do the characters justice, but they're just fanfic writers like us except with a budget. The anime writers are forced to make the story about other characters, as if Nemona, Arven, and Penny's stories were something shameful or inappropriate they need to paint over, and not the saving grace for what was otherwise an embarrassing corporate product with good people stuck working on it.

It would have been so easy to integrate the three of them into this DLC, and it would've made the next DLC better to have done so. Literally just replace some character models and rewrite some dialogue. The Paldea students don't have festival outfits anyway afaik. We're talking romhack-level difficulty of implementation here. Come the hell on.

Between the contents of this first part of the DLC and how they've been advertising it so far, I cannot make myself believe Nemona, Arven, and Penny will be in the rest of generation 9. I don't want to get hurt by my expectations. I feel like they've been purposefully excluded, like TPC thinks there's something wrong with them.

... Anyone else feeling this?

#pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet and violet #the teal mask #the indigo disk #pokemon scarvio #no billy and o'nare don't count as a nemona mention they say repeatedly they run paldea realty and not the rotom phone company for a reason #that being said i stayed up way too late making absolutely sure they weren't her parents like everyone assumed #despite being white #nemonaposting #pennyposting #arvenposting

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derekscorner · 5 months ago

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Fated Rantings: The Grandest of Orders

Truly a grand epic

I don't know where to begin honestly. I thought that I would have it figured out once I had seen the anime but I don't. I started FGO nearly two years ago I believe after watching some Fate lore videos.

It was the free way to start but probably not the easiest starting point for the series. I have actually been clawing my way through the game as I watched all the other Fate works I could get a hold of.

If you were to look through my Fate posts you'll see that the first one is about Apocrypha and Astolfo even though that wasn't my true starting point.

But I grind no longer! Last month I finally finished the Solomon singularity on the mobile game and the night before last I finished the anime! And I'll admit that I didn't expect the anime of FGO would be that good.

I say that because despite the anime having three movies, a few specials, and a twenty something long anime it's not the full story. There is no logical way to fit FGO's initial story into an anime.

You'd have to commit to years with each singularity being an anime unto itself. So I say this again to warn you, you can not see the full story just through the anime alone.

This anime project they created is very much a companion piece to it's mobile origin. It is not like Fate Stay Night which has it's original visual novel version with various anime adaptions.

This is probably the one case in which a Fate project isn't a thing unto itself. You could watch it and research FGO to understand what's going on but I promise you that the emotional weight of the story will be halved that way.

Although, I guess you could read someone's long play of FGO on youtue if you wanted but good luck. FGO is practically a visual novel hidden within a gacha game.

Mashu Kyrielight

But enough of the warnings and intro, where do I begin? Why with the best kouhai in the world of course!

She's your main servant for this story and she's the one that bounces off the characters the most due to your insert character being silent in the game.

She does this less in the anime due to the PoV character being given a personality but I still consider her interactions more important. This poor girl is a test tube baby made with a woefully short lifespan for a specific purpose.

As a result of this origin and upbringing the poor girl is quiet and reserved. Her greatest desire is to just see a blue fucking sky. Do you know how tragic that is?

Chaldea resides in the Antarctic. The facility has windows but that area of the world will be lucky to see a clear sky one day a year. On top of all that her room is hilariously sterile with nothing but a glass roof and walls so that she can be observed.

These things aren't done to torment her, for that to be a thing Chaldea would have to see her as a person. No, it's done because they wanted her as blank a state as possible for their demi-servant experiments.

An experiment that goes bad quickly. They successfully summon and bond her to a servant but the servant is so appalled by what Chaldea has done that it immediately tries to kill the Chaldea Director Marisbury Animusphere.

This is only averted because Mash herself resists. From that moment on the servant, who turns out to be the knight Galahad, refuses to awaken. Considered a failure despite it being beyond her control, Mash is then kept around just because.

She chosen as a master candidate since she had the potential but for the most part Mash was seen as a dud by Chaldea.

Why is this important?

I'm not rambling for the sake of recapping. I want you to understand just how pure a soul this girl is. She doesn't hold grudges against people, she doesn't wish evil upon anyone, despite all of what I just listed.

That's why I find her interactions through FGO both in the game and anime more interesting than the main characters. She reacts to things in a pure and naïve way but never in an annoyingly naïve way.

She even explains why she calls your character or others "senpai". I mean, sure it's for the people that take the self insert too seriously. It's a gacha, it's Fate, let's not fool ourselves here, those people are appealed too.

But the other reason is that her life left is short and she's never left Chaldea before to experience life. To her, everyone is her "senior in life". It's silly but I also found it sad despite the story wanting me to find it sweet.

I found myself genuinely attached to this character in a sense.

I know I should provide better examples but FGO is so long that it's hard to really. I even mentioned her interactions with characters a second ago but I can't pick one that I like more than the other.

I talked about her dynamic with Lancelot in the Camelot posts but that's more to do with how Galahad views Lancelot (his father) which influences Mash.

I don't want to list the MC because they're a self insert. The dynamic between the two in the anime is good but Ritsuka himself is a bit bland so I can't exactly pick it apart.

Or perhaps I can't focus on a specific one because I liked all of them both animated and in mobile. She's a precious lil soul and I loved to see it.

Everything from her trying her best to be a servant in the Fuyuki singularity to her sacrifice against Goetia. Hell, I loved watching her fan girl over meeting Sherlock.

She's remarkably human for someone who thinks she isn't.

^ Both versions of this scene actually put a tear in my eye

Before I unintentionally make this a post about Mash I'll switch gears and talk about other characters in the Chaldean cast.

Such as our point of view character Ritsuka Fujimaru. The male version is referred to as Gudao by fans and the female Gudako respectively.

In terms of the mobile game I don't have anything to say, they're silent, self insert characters in the purest sense of the word. In the Type-Moon spin-off Carnival Phantasm the female is used in FGO skits.

I've yet to see Carnival Phantasm so I'll have to leave it out but it's worth mentioning that the female Gudako does have an animated self.

Instead, I'll focus on the male Gudao used for the FGO anime. Unlike my smartass PoV character or the unhinged Gudako from the spin-off this Fujimaru is given a very "simple" personality.

Not in the sense that they're stupid or slow on the uptake. They just do not flesh him out as much as they could due to his silent hero origins.

I find it a shame that they didn't but unlike many Fate fans I've seen I do not find this offensive either.

When they're bouncing off Mash the duo is as cute as can be but any other time Fujimaru will have a very optimistic or overly nice personality and that will either rub you the wrong way or it won't.

The only time this persona truly breaks down is when Mash falls against Goetia and he's ready to fucking throw down.

I'll even go out on a limb and say that Fujimaru does a few things well despite what I've just said. Sure, the fondness servants have for him is...uh something especially in the anime with his goddess count.

But I did see what the writers were doing. Fujimaru isn't some grand mage with a lineage nor any special powers. All versions of Fujimaru is literally just a normal person that somehow got to Chaldea after seeing a job ad.

However that is the point. In many Type-Moon works it'll boil down to a human vs a godlike or monstrous force. Fujimaru is that in the purest since.

I may joke but it makes sense for the goddess to be fond of him in the anime because he represents what a human should be and despite what the gods of Fate say they do love humans.

I'll even throw my hat into the conspiracy theorist ring and say that Gilgamesh's own inclinations toward aiding Fujimaru is due to this human fondness.

In his mind, the age of gods should be ended by the people of his era. He thinks the ordeal as a whole should be dealt with by human hands.

And despite everything Fujimaru has done that, six times over, seven once Tiamat is stopped. Again, I won't argue that FGO isn't pandering to a certain type of person but I do think our MC does right in those moments as well.

It's a normal human that convinces the goddess to turn on Tiamat, it is a normal human that fist fights with Goetia as the world is about to end, it is a normal human by nothing but the virtue of their choices that stopped Solomon's incineration of humanity.

I wish Fujimaru was given a bit more of a personality in the anime but I do see what they were going for and I can appreciate it.

Da Mona Vinci

Another Chaldean character that will grow on you in any version is Da Vinci. Why is Da Vinci a girl? Funny thing, there is no magical, logical, or even "fuck it" logic for the changed gender. Da Vinci likes beautiful things and made themselves as you see after becoming a servant.

How? I have no clue. I just find it funny that they chose the Mona Lisa as their appearance because that's a pinnacle of beauty to them. So yes, even in Fate Da Vinci was a man in life but as a servant she remade herself into her own painting which I find hilarious.

It's a testament to how silly Da Vinci actually is. She's every bit the genius she's reputed to be and can be serious and responsible quite reliably. In fact, you could argue that she's the most reliable adult there given that the only other options are Romani and what's left of the staff.

You sadly see little of her in action in the anime save for the Camelot films due to her role as a support but what scenes she gets in the anime never disappoint.

To be honest I'm not sure if she even has to stay in the command room or if she does so simply due her responsible nature of keeping it running or keeping Romani on task. The sixth singularity is the only time she really sneaks off to join you on a mission.

I also love how some of her inventions are just nods to old blueprints Da Vinci made in life. Like her vehicle she's so proud of or the small flying machine that hangs from her offices ceiling.

One of her weapons for combat is a literal fuck you gauntlet that just hits really hard. Da Vinci is a caster, that's equivalent to giving a bard a shotgun. The gauntlet even has a press like thing that makes it hit harder. Similar to when you see the mech from Big 0 finish off a monster.

By far her greatest feat is being the one being to earn even half of Romani's trust which is only seen in the final moments of the final singularity.

It's hinted that they're close or that she knows more throughout the whole story but you don't really see the gravity of that until Romani reveals himself. Speaking of which....

Romani Archaman

This fucker right here....he's shockingly complex? For most of FGO he seems like a silly and usually unreliable man but not a bad one. he genuinely cares about Mash when most do not and it is only by luck that he survives the initial bombing due to meeting Fujimaru while slacking off from work.

If you play the game you'll even learn that he's a fan of an idol called "Magi⭐Mari" whom I just learned was actually Merlin....which is a quandary that I'll save for later.

What makes him complex enough to discuss is his conflicting nature. He's the type to observe or run away despite seeing the gravity of something yet all it takes for him to take action is to see someone doing their best.

I would say that most of this is a façade but that'd be a half truth I think. He's genuinely this silly and clueless to some social cues but he is that way for a good reason....which is spoilers.

I'm going to spoil it so if you're some rare person who hasn't played FGO before this is your hint to skip ahead.

Solomon

The truth is that Romani is Solomon, the king of magecraft. The inventor of summoning magic, the last great king of a united Jewish kingdom.

More importantly, he fits into what you could call monstrous or inhuman. He had God's blessings and a miracle but he didn't really do anything with them.

Not for any morally or religious reasons, rather Solomon claims to have not had the freedom to do so. He wasn't free to be mad at humanities bullshit like Goetia was.

He didn't truly long for anything, he didn't truly live. Once he helped Marisbury win a grail war he simply wished to be human but even that was denied him in a way.

Right before Romani lost Solomon's clairvoyance he saw one last future of humanity going extinct. So now Romani felt compelled to work to stop that but fully lacking the powers Solomon had.

This is what makes Romani who he is. He was human for ten years but he says things he shouldn't and misses social cues among other things that come off as him being silly or somewhat introverted.

He just lacks the common sense as it were. You can't expect an inhuman being to just adapt instantly to the modern world in ten years. Especially when he was secretly using that time to stop his premonition.

The only person he truly opened up to was Da Vinci and I think that is due to how she is and her nature as a servant. She was summoned to Chaldea which would make her easier to trust than people within Chaldea who had been there years and possibly as sleeper agents.

Which is only more true when you realize that his other "friend" Lev truly was a sleeper agent. The anime movie glosses over it but Goetia actually planted it's 72 demon gods into the genetics of bloodlines.

One day Lev quite literally just became aware of his true nature.

I'd even argue that Romani took such a stance of being Mash's personal doctor because he identifies with her to a degree. She is denied being truly human and he finds that tragic.

In an odd sense, Goetia also identifies with Mash for that same reason. Both Romani and Goetia pity her for her life but while Romani is trying to make her as comfortable as he can with human experiences Goetia wishes to turn that into hatred.

Because both Romani and Goetia were forged from Solomon's inhuman behavior.

And it's tragic to know that even when truly human Solomon could not enjoy his time. Romani never got to live as he wished too and that's tragic in of itself.

Gonna have to make this into two parts

This has gotten a bit long. I expected it would since I had always planned to meld my impressions from FGO's game and mobile but there is way too much to put into written form.

Even what I end up having will be a fraction I think due to how long it's taken to beat Solomon's arc in the game and watch the anime.

That said, if you read this then by all means click my link below. I should have part two there by the time you find it.

P.S. A final bit of FGO lore for you. If you thought Romani and Da Vinci were cute or like an old married couple in a few scenes then relish in the fact that their japanese voice actors are married. Byeee~

========================

For my other experiences with Fate go here: https://derekscorner.tumblr.com/tagged/fated-rantings

#fated rantings #mashu kyrielight #romani archaman #fate da vinci #goetia #ritsuka fujimaru #fgo #fate grand order

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sassykattery · 5 months ago

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Hello

My darling sinners, it's good to see you again. Yes, it's me, Sassy, here in the digital flesh. We should talk. Grab a drink, a snack, a pillow, whatever you need. It's time for an update.

I know it's been a while, too long really. I know I've been posting updates here and there, promising the return of my series and other works in the process. I would like to apologize for the lack of fulfilling those promises and activity on my part. I know a great many of you enjoy my work and use my stories as an escape, and more than anything I do love giving you all my work to give you access to a place to go when the world is too much to deal with.

With that being said, I have good news. For the last three months, I've been under tremendous stress trying to get into medical school, and it is with a sadness to say I didn't get in this application cycle. Am I disappointed? Absolutely. But I'm a hopeless romantic, or just hopeless, and I have every faith that everything happens for a reason. I retook my entrance exam just days ago and did exponentially better on it, and I'm hopeful this will be what I need to get into school for this upcoming application cycle.

So, where's the good news, Sassy? I'll tell you. Now that burden is off of my shoulders, I can finally breathe again. My every waking thought was about this test for the last several months, and not a lot else. It's been exhausting. What does this mean? I can start writing again. When I have impending stress looming over me, it's very difficult for me to be creative and use that side of my mind for anything but what I'm currently working on in hopes of alleviating that stress. It's not healthy, I'm aware, but it is how I function.

I would like to announce that it is my intention to finish Love, Eternal within the next year. I still have to write the ending (it's in my head, just need to execute). So if you are still here, I thank you for waiting on me. If you see this and have moved on, I wish you well, and my story will be here when and if you wish to finish it.

Thank you all for your patience. See you soon in my flourishing world of Love, Eternal.

-The Royal Sassykattery

#personal #update #life #welcome back sassy #it's good to be back

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mimiwrites2000 · 9 months ago

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Hello!

My name is Mimiwrites2000, you can call me mimi.

I’ve been writing in the Attack on Titan fandom since 2020, and I mainly write AruAni.

I have all of my fanfictions on Archive of Our Own, and some of them here on Tumblr.

I have one ongoing fanfiction, called Legends, and it’s my pride and joy.

Anyway, here is a masterlist of all my fanfiction up to February 2024.

Hope you enjoy!

MASTERLIST

Legends {M}

Archive of Our Own

A legend that was unveiled by a miracle.

These miracles sometimes are better forgotten, left in the past where no one can go back. But Armin engraved his name into the folds of her mind, tear a piece of him and gave it to her, following her everywhere. Annie ran away, to the edge of earth, but when she closed her eyes, she saw his blue eyes. They danced around a legend that made them encounter each other over and over again, a time in crimson blood, a time in a cold night under the stars, and a time in an embrace.

everything happens for a reason

The Last One To Reach The Tree {G}

Archive of Our Own

If the tree could speak, it would’ve cried. If the tree could speak, it would’ve sobbed and wailed and mourned humanity, mourned the death of humanity in every human’s heart. If the tree could speak, it would’ve begged to be burnt, to be cut down. Mikasa was eager to meet with Eren, she was eager to reunite with him. And so was Armin.

Post Canon story about the theory that Armin is the last one to reunite with them.

Attack On… Podcast! {T}

Archive of Our Own

As the Attack on Titan series comes to an end after ten years, the cast is reunited in hosting a podcast, talking about their times on the set of the filming, their friendships, and all in-between. And well, shenanigans are inevitable.

Attack on Titan acting AU, as the cast host a podcast, and interview the rest of the cast.

What Does White Mean? {M}

Archive of Our Own

The ocean lulled them to sleep, and the sun woke them up with mild kisses. Tangled with each other, in their cabin by the beach. After the war ended, they moved together, ever since, they faced obstacles, issues, and misunderstandings. One of them was Armin’s seashells. Stubbornness got in the way, but no matter how much they tried, they couldn’t keep their hands to themselves.

Heal Me, and I'll Heal you {T}

Archive of Our Own

Annie decided that she had enough of fighting And as she waits on the ship, watching the ocean, she visits memories from years ago, up until the night before, when she saw him for the last time. He waved at her, with a shiny, silver ring around his finger. They were separated with an unspoken promise, and healing wounds

A fanfic about Annie giving Armin her ring, and all the events leading up to it~

*Chapter 131 and up spoilers

I Don’t Want to Let You Go {T}

Archive of Our Own

The rumbling started, titans were stomping people to death all around the world. The world was ending, But they were on a sailing ship, trying to save whatever they could reach, they were on the desperate mission of stopping Eren. But Armin found himself tangled in Annie's embrace, inhaling her scent, feeling her warmth.

Chapter 131 one-shot.

When I Was a Human {M}

Archive of Our Own

The boat sailed in the middle of the ocean, trapped within a repetitive blue patterns of waves and glistens of sun rays adorning them. On it sat two lost souls, that forgot what it was like to be human.

Armin told Annie many tales when she was in the crystal, however, there was one story he never got to finish… Annie asks about it, and Armin finds himself in a swirl of memories of how he was revived four years ago…

Betrayal {M}

Archive of Our Own

They met in an alley, a narrow, foul-smelling passageway, in the middle of a cold night A few months later, he found himself walking to that place, the place where his life crumbled and was reborn, and just like last time, she was waiting for him. a journey of lies and deception, desires and emotions

What If I Kiss You? {G}

Archive of Our Own

‘What if I kiss you?’ He asked, and she answered.

“My Love” {M}

Archive of Our Own

On a boat, in the ocean, when the sun is the only witness of their love, the only one who knows about their secret. Content, joy, satisfaction, a combination they never thought they could live, until they met each other, until they loved each other.

tell me, what’s on your mind? {G}

Archive of Our Own

On one particular evening, at a dinner for the ambassadors, the serene night was too loud. Her chest closed on her lungs and her thoughts fogged her mind. Her thoughts weren’t the only thing troubling her. On that night, her father joined her silence, and pieces fell into place.

A fanfiction about Annie’s feelings, and her father helping her accept them~

Blue Meeting Blue {G}

Archive of Our Own

When Annie looked in his eyes, the world stopped spinning, time froze, air halted. The waves in the ocean quietened, the forests' rustles ceased, and the wind subsided. For a moment, peace engulfed the world, the chaotic place wrapped in a fragile silence. To witness the blossoming love in the youthful hearts.

the day of their wedding was finally here, Armin and Annie, the world waiting for them, and they were ready to face it, as one. Husband and wife. a one-shot about Aruani wedding, based on fanart by Bella (_superspicy on twitter)

Red Eyes See Grey World {M}

Archive of Our Own

He realized that he knew the ocean long ago. When he first looked into her eyes. She held the ocean and the sky in them, colliding and harmonizing to the waves. If only he knew, he would’ve held the ocean in his hands, never letting it go. But she was slipping away from him, Away she drifted, far from him. Wars never held happy endings. But the universes shifted and clashed. The constellations reformed in the sky, and life was reborn again. And maybe, just maybe, he might be able to fullfil his promise to her, in another life, in another universe.

When Champagne Is Served {M}

Archive of Our Own

His feet glide through the hall, meandering between fancy dresses and tuxedos, a shiny tray in his hand. The servant of the Leonhart’s mansion, at yet another annual ball. But then the grandiose gates are opened.

She steps in, shoulders back, chin high.

He looks away, a smile pulling at his lips.

all the things that could have been {M}

Archive of Our Own

There’s a first for everything. A numb mind and a loose body. A light head, free of conflicts and thoughts. But a blessing only lasts for short, fleeting moments, before intruding parasites attacked his mind, bringing him back to himself. An invader of far-fetched wishes and unrealistic hopes, circling around a person far away from his reach.

A story of Armin drinking with his friends for the first time while they were in Marley, Annie not leaving his mind~

Trust {G}

Archive of Our Own

A one shot about Armin and Annie finally having a moment after they met in chapter 126

*spoilers for chapter 126

Kiss (Blue) {G}

Archive of Our Own

*spoliers for chapter 125 Armin had set off with Gabi by his side, trying to catch up with Connie, who wants to feed Falco to his Mother's titan form. However, on their way, they meet with someone...

Continue On Being You {G}

Archive of Our Own

It could take him years to compose imaginary symphonies in his head, but one speck of reality to break it all. Four years are enough to change a person from the inside out, but the core might not change, the core might be as solid as a crystal, if the person continues on being themselves. For four years. He was trapped in his mind. She was caged in crystal. But the shields will break off, and the two oceans will collide.

A fic about Armin finding Annie after she breaks out from the crystal~

A Quiet Witness {M}

Archive of Our Own

A candle sees more than it could ever tell. And as it witnesses the lifetime of two miserable souls, maybe some stories are better left untold.

A story about Armin Arlert and Annie Leonhart... and a candle.

Fire and Rain {M}

Archive of Our Own

Fire Igniting from within herself Rain Pouring, cold on her skin And just like any other human, she has a limit as well. She cries, on their bed, alone. Until the door creaks open, and he walks in. Annie is facing a new feeling that she never experienced before, jealousy, and her insecurities only fuel it. However, Armin knows exactly how to blow these insecurities away. And so he does.

If The Stars Could Speak {T}

Archive of Our Own

One life time is not enough. Maybe two or three. They would relive their lives, over and over again. As long as they met again, under the same sky, beneath the same stars. But the stars sometimes opted to play, and one time, the stars entertained them being enemies in one of those lives. However, it is said that fate can pivot the stars malicious plots, deciphering them and blowing them apart in the vastness of the black sky. With a careful eye at the clear sky, reading between the glimmering dots, fate found the way to bring them together, where they belonged: by each other’s side, in that life, and every following one.

This is a two chapters fanfic, written by mimiwrites2000 and XianKar, it's a part of the Summer Fic Exchange (July - 2021), under the prompt: Stargazing in a Field

This Is Goodbye {G}

Archive of Our Own

He decided that today was the day. The day he'd turn a new page, a new beginning, and start over. And for someone to head into a new path, they might need to let go of their past.

This is goodbye.

‘stop saying my name like that’ {G}

Archive of Our Own

She looked around the room, as if she wanted confirmation from anyone or anything around her, to confirm that what she was hearing was true. Her eyes darted at the bookshelves, at the wooden chairs, at the photo frames, at the bottle of wine on the desk— but they didn’t speak, they just watched her bleed out.

That Christmas and That Necklace {G}

Archive of Our Own

It was Armin’s first ever Christmas, and for Annie, it was her very first one after the war. To say the least, they both were looking forward to spending this occasion together. Faste But, if there was something they learnt from the many wars of army and wars, was that nothing goes as planned. And that Christmas was no exception.

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foxes-that-run · 1 year ago

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Daylight - Lover

Daylight was originally the title track for Lover, a concept Album for the 13th year of Taylor's career, when she turned 30. It was first long planned and mentioned in the liner notes of Red.

The song has many references to Red and was possibly started by 2012, while Taylor was still dating Harry, but finished for the album release. Harry references the song in the opening of Fine Line in Golden, Fine Line's 'Daylight' is track 5 and released it on Taylors 30th Birthday.

Lyrics

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in Everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye

Taylor is reflecting on the journey to through relationships to this point and choices she regrets. Matured from her view in Red where the other person wronged her Taylor now acknowledged everyone looks worse in the light.

She promises to be truthful but never say goodbye to her muse. This could read as telling all her secrets, or it could also be talking about being in an open relationship. Like So it Goes Taylor won't let him go.

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night And now I see daylight, I only see daylight

The chorus repeats the theme of the album, finding the one true love. Sleeping in a 20-year dark night is interesting and there are a few possibilities:

Knowing the song was part of a long term album plan from when she was 22 it may refer to her age when the song was started

20 is a Haylor theme

Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky And so I became the butt of the joke I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now It's brighter now, now

Taylor talks more about her journey to find this love. She references Reputation where she was unlucky, the world turned on her. Including clearing the air (posting about the Kanye phone call) she breathed in the smoke.

My interpretation of wounding the good, trusting the wicked is wounding Harry by trusting Calvin Harris. This is played out in Exile/Woman. Did Something Bad is similar within the Rep period.

Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down refers to Harry's time with One Direction and womaniser image in that time. One direction also have a song called Wolves where wolves come out at night and come for your heart. Meet me in the Hallway has a similar lyric "I walked the streets all day / Running with the thieves"

Finally Taylor talks of storming out of every room, referring to drama she has had in the industry. There is a similar lyric to throwing out cloaks and daggers to live in peace in Long Story Short "At the golden gates they once held the keys to / When I dropped my sword / I threw it in the bushes and knocked on your door"

And I can still see it all (In my mind) All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) And I can still see it all (In my head) Back and forth from New York (Sneaking in your bed) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden Like daylight, like daylight Like daylight, daylight

Taylor sings about being tangled in Wildest dreams, but here intertwined speaks to a longer time.

The next lyrics of love being B&W, Golden are interesting, in out of the woods and Illicit Affairs has described her love with Harry as in screaming colour/colours she can't see with anyone else. But here it is golden, Golden is the opening track to Fine Line Harry released 3 months later on Taylor’s 30th, referencing this line.

Back and forth from NY and sneaking in your bed, is a reference to Harry, they did go back and forth physically with excessive travel from them both and in terms of a relationship. They did sneak to see each other during the 1989 era after breaking up and possibly after.

This verse is a reference to red, Harry was the muse for several Red tracks including the closing Begin Again. This verse also references another Red song Starlight with 'Like daylight' vs "Like we're made of starlight". Starlight is about this photo of Ethel and Bobby Kennedy, another. While CK did fall between TS dating HS, Taylor is referencing the romantaised lasting love here, this reference is what indicates this song may have been started long ago.

Like daylight It's golden like daylight You gotta step into the daylight and let it go Just let it go, let it go

This lyric is about letting go of fears, grudges and fights and moving on. This lyric and Lover/Fine Line being released around Taylors 30th birthday make me think she intended to make changes in how her (possibly open) relationship was viewed, but we know what happened after with re-records and the pandemic. The Folklore album lets us know her thoughts were still with this calamitous love.

I wanna be defined by the things that I love Not the things I hate Not the things that I'm afraid of, I'm afraid of Not the things that haunt me in the middle of the night I, I just think that You are what you love

This voice-style outtro is the thesis of the album and song, especially the reset after Reputation. The last song on the album, indicating where the story goes next.

#haylor #daylight #taylor swift #lover album #song analysis #Lyric analysis

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oksana-moods · 2 years ago

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Queens of Promise - Part 5

Summary: The plot thickens.

A/N: Hey you all! I don't even know what to say here rs It feels like a decade has passed and certainly feels odd to come back after such a long time. I don't know if there are people still interested in this story, but after a request of a dear friend of mine, I decided to post what's already written and work on the last chapter (the only one I haven't fully written yet, only on script).

I'd like to explain that my writing time got reduced by a lot of reasons, but mainly, 2022 was a bittersweet year that I'll definitely remember for the rest of my life.

Without further ado, let's get back to the story, shall we? Everything until chapter 10 is written and almost ready to be posted, I'll just look for typos or other mistakes and you shall have it really soon. For real this time. Chapter 11 however, the final chapter, is still on progress but I promise I will give you the end of this story.

Please, let me know your thoughts.

-Previous parts here

Trigger Warnings: Violence, language, mentions of blood and war. If there is any other that should be mentioned, let me know.

Into your eyes, hopeless and taken

Triskelion Castle

“Absolutely not.” Queen Calanthe manifests her disapproval to your latest idea. “I’m not letting you play spy and into Sokovia’s territory, no less. It’s not time for games. We are at war.”

For the thousandth time, you sighed. You tried countless ideas of how to learn the Maximoff’s plans with the Kree and none of them seemed to please your mother.

“Well, what do you suggest? We need to find out what they are up to, messing with the Kree.” You spat the word Kree as if venom tainted your tongue. “You can’t expect me to sit on this. I’m going to discover this one way or another, even if requires me to interrogate Princess Maximoff myself.”

“I suppose you discarded that idea few months ago.” She seethed, referring to when you had the princess within reach, but you chose to let her go and you hated how she was right. You hated even more not knowing why you allowed her to run away, in first place.

Loki cleared his throat trying to clear the air in the room and intervened with an option. “Perhaps we could send a small unit to the harbor?” He folded his hands behind his back and started to explain his idea. “We know for sure that winter is closing down on us, therefore there’s only one harbor in Starksland that any commotion could happen.”

“Hogan’s harbor.” You spoke, grasping what he was proposing. Loki, in turn, flashes you an appreciative smile, he always admired your intelligence and how receptive you were with those who you trust.

“Precisely. If Kree were to arrive with troops or anything else, that would be the place.” He lifted his hand and started to enumerate the facts that supported his theory. “Hogan is a small town, there’s not many prying eyes. They could count with the snow to slow down Stark’s troops. No resistance whatsoever, not until they are far inland and with the large number of trade routes, they could very well disappear until they’re fanning on our necks.”

You looked at him with a smile on your own. You always prayed to the Gods for your mother to live for more than hundred years, but the idea of your ascension as Queen seemed a little bit less scary because you knew he’ll be by your side, sharing his wise.

You turned to him and grabbed his head forcibly and gave two kisses on his cheeks. “Uh brother, you’re brilliant. I knew we kept you around for something more than just your pretty face.” You finish with a smile, which grew wider after his reply.

“Thank you. I have a pretty face indeed.” He straightened his robes from imaginary crinkles, suddenly uncomfortable with your praise.

You turned to your mother, head spinning with ideas, and started to share them. The meeting went for hours without end, but this time plans were discussed instead of rejecting ideas and later that day, you had convinced the queen that your unit should be the one set off for this quest.

After the assembly, you stayed behind in her meeting room. Her eyes were set on your form, while you pretended to busy yourself admiring an old painting celebrating the bravery of your family on some ancient battle. The painting showed some gran-gran-mother regally mounting a white horse, wielding a sword in the middle of a battle. You wondered how many lives were lost for that ancestor to gain this work of art.

“Do you think her mother doubted her worth?” You spoke quietly, after a moment contemplating the moment eternized on the wall. From the corner of your eye, you could see your mother’s head turn to you harshly.

“Oh my love, I never doubted you.” She took few steps and you turned to look at her fully now. The crease between her brows were deep and there was worry in her eyes.

“Yet, you weaken your troops on the battlefield by keeping my company away. You don’t trust me anymore.” Your voice was flat, as if analyzing an event and not delivering how bad it bothered you.

She took the remaining steps between you and grabbed your hands in hers, giving light squeezes. “I’m a mother and you’re my daughter, my only daughter. After your abduction by the Kree, I went berserk and didn’t stop until I had you in my arms again.”

Her eyes were hard, but they showed so much love that you felt your feet slightly out of balance. “Oh, when I saw your fragile, beaten form laying on your bed that night I vowed that I wouldn’t put you in harm’s way again.”

She paused just for a few seconds to make sure you were following. “And this war has so many blind spots, so many white blanks that scares me, my love. I can’t lose you.” She squeezed your hand harder this time. “And Taharr can’t lose you.”

You looked at the emotion seeping from her eyes, and it was once in a lifetime to see the queen Calanthe so vulnerable, so human. “One of the first lessons you taught me was to serve my kingdom. No matter what.” She laughed dryly, of course you’d use her words and ‘lessons’ against her. “And I am good, mother. I need you to see that.”

She cupped your face with her hands and caressed your cheeks with her thumbs. “You are the best, my love, you are my daughter and I taught you myself. If anything, I made sure the greatest warriors in this world prepared you to be the best knight in Noveria, even better than myself. But, in the end of the day, I’m still a mother worried about my cub.” She smiled lightly and you smiled as well.

As a queen, she knew better. From early age, she made you learn how to fight with all weapons and even without one. The same time spent with physical training was dedicated to study the numbers, letters, history, geography, politics, religions, beliefs and even agriculture. After all, knowledge is never too much and information could be a weapon itself, if harnessed properly.

You nodded but still counterattacked. “But I know that your permission had more to do with the fact that I’ll be away from the front than to my investigation skills. It stings.” She was about to speak but you stopped her. “You can’t protect me forever, mother. We are at war and in Taharr there’s always war.”

This time she nodded and took few steps away from you. “I know and you’re right, but I’m old and one day you’ll step up as the Queen of Taharr and I have to make sure that you’ll live long enough.” Her words sink heavily in your stomach, the veracity of her statement hit you like a rock.

Your mother fought her battles, had her share of wars and now she was looking to the future, worried about the type of person would assume her crown when the time comes. “Do you think I’m reckless? Do I embarrass you?” Your voice was low, exposed and she hated to see you second guessing yourself. She always loved your spirit, even though they brought a fair amount of headache.

“Never.” Her voice was firm, and she spoke the truth of her heart. “I’m nothing but proud of who you are. You’re strong, intelligent and you’re never afraid of fighting for your people. You’re a true lioness.” Her soft smile turned into a small smirk. “As for reckless, I can’t judge your youth’s spirit. I remember giving my father few grey hairs due my own adventures.”

You snorted at her choice of words, and you wondered if you’d ever learn how to speak like this. You wondered if you’d ever be half of the woman she was and a quarter of the queen she was. There were many things you wondered, and you feared you wouldn’t be that good. “Do you think I’ll be a good queen?” Again, your voice was small, foreign-like small, showing her your inner doubts.

You knew you could handle a fight; you knew you had learnt troop maneuvers enough to overpower an enemy during a war, but could you run your kingdom with the perfect balance between ruthlessness and kindness as your mother? Could you guide your people during the darkest times when it comes?

“I know you’ll be the greatest queen to ever grace these lands, even more marvelous than Queen Maria Hill.” Pointing at the Great Queen on the painting in front of you, she spoke with a certainty that pushed away the worries hammering your head and heart, at least for now.

You shook your head amused and locked eyes with her. “Will I be as good as you?” Her smile was bright, thanking you wordlessly for your praise, then she replied. “Oh love, you’ll be better than me, for you have a heart of gold. And when the day come, I’ll be a delighted queen and a proud mother.” She finished with a glint in her eyes, and you nodded you head, smiling lightly.

She patted the seat by her side on the balcony, welcoming you to enjoy a cup of tea admiring the beautiful fall tinting the trees and fields on the outskirts of Triskelion of orange, dark red and light brown as the maple leaves adorned the grounds.

You were still thinking about the conversation you had had with your mother when a nudge on your ribs brought you back to reality and you looked to its source only to find Lady Rambeau nodding towards a specific door at the back of a decaying pub near the docks.

You narrowed your eyes and saw a young woman stepping inside of it and you smiled, for you knew who she was. And something told you that, after weeks lurking around Hogan Village, today was your lucky day.

You waited on your spot for a while longer and a soldier reported that there was no sign of Scarlet Knight or Black Widow, something foreign stirred in your stomach when they said Princess Wanda was nowhere to be seen, it was almost as if you were disappointed.

But why? You shook your head and chewed your own lip, weighting your options and thinking about what your next step should be.

This time, it was your turn to nudge Maria’s side and beckon her to follow you. You signaled for everybody else stay on their posts and wait for new instructions, then you strolled to the pub’s entrance.

Once inside, you immediately asked for a beer, to blend in with other costumers and locals. You leaned on the counter and tried to find sokovian soldiers. “I’m counting two on the right corner and another by the window, the one with white hat.” Your words were low, to make sure only Maria would hear them.

She nodded and turned her body, leaning on the counter, pretending to be bored with her beer stein. “You missed the guy by the side door.” She took a sip of the liquid and used all her mighty to not spat the content on the floor, pursing her lips. “This beer is worse than piss.”

You snorted. “You know, the mere notion that you can make such comparison scares me.” Lady Rambeau sniffled her laughs as to not get unwanted attention. “Come, is time for us to have a chat.” Silently, she followed you to the table were the person you were after was.

“Oh. Squire Kate Bishop, fancy seeing you here.” Your spoke loud enough for the girl in front of you hear you properly, but not loud enough to attract unnecessary attention. You were disguised as trader and so was your partner, but your face was not particularly unknown.

Despite being low, your voice still made her jump, startled, then she turned back to look at you.

“It’s Knight Kate Bishop, actually.” She raised her chin, proudly and you almost felt bad for her. Unbeknownst to her, she gave you more information with that single sentence than she could’ve imagined.

She was proud of her title and so was of her mission, for sure. Therefore, the mission was bound to be important. Therefore, Scarlet Knight should be close and had interest in whatever was going on. Therefore, it’d be a matter of time for you to learn what it was.

You smiled at her. “That’s quite the title, kid. I’m sure you can handle it, though.” You spoke then you let your eyes stray to the stash of papers on her hands.

“I’m sorry, what name did you introduce yourself with?” She tried. You were lucky indeed.

“I didn’t.” Smiling you retreated from the bar and went to the camping on the outskirts of the city, where you shared your knowledge with your companions. The stash of papers in Bishop’s hands were ship manifests, they meant supplies were about to arrive and you knew just when, for you read the ships names.

Forel Star and Valar Zirtys, both braavosi ships and that made no sense in this crescent pile of strange allies sought for Sokovia. First Kree, now Braavos. Unless…

Something popped in your head.

It was known to a lot of people in other continents, but only a few in Noveria knew and, fortunately, you were one of them. One of the papers had the Ragman’s Harbor stamp on it, which means the ship’s last stop was a harbor that’s open to all foreign ships, unlike Purple Harbor, which tends exclusively local braavosi ships.

Obviously, said ships could have made a quick stop in Braavos coming from another place and after loading the new cargo, set off to Hogan’s Harbor. However, there was this nagging feeling that this was a diversion. Maybe, the Kree used the braavosi harbor to laundry the load as to avoid suspicious. Very meticulous.

The question is, what Sokovia had offered in return?

You could be wrong, but the more you thought about it, the more all the details seemed to click into place. Your instincts never failed you.

You were sure they weren’t start just now.

------

Somewhere between Sokovia and Taharr borders

The road to the Krogani Lakes seemed endless, especially with so many turns, road depressions and lakes to go around that took one moon for Wanda’s troops to move from the outskirts of Hogan’s Village to the battlefront.

Even though the interminable trip was a nuisance in itself, the princess felt her restlessness growing with each day. The wagons transporting their goods could turn their luck on the front. There wasn’t just food, which she knew they desperately needed, or new armors and weapons, but especially medical supplies. Nowadays, those were rarer than gold.

The Scarlet Knight was so engrossed on her thoughts that she didn’t hear Natasha’s horse arriving by her side. So, when her friend spoke, she startled Wanda. “One more hill and we’ll get to Sokovia’s camp before dusk.”

“By the gods, how can you still be silent with a horse?” Wanda put a hand on her heart as though this action could calm her down.

“It’s literally impossible to be silent with a horse, Wanda.” Romanoff shot her a smirk. “You were so absorbed by your thoughts that you missed my approach.” She laughed lightly, trying to lift the mood, sour since their encounter with the Kree emissary.

“Urg. This trip is interminable, and though we’re no longer in Taharr’s territory, it feels like we’re been watched still.” The princess shared what bothered her with her protector, there were so many reasons why she’s restless that she does not know where to start.

“I feel it too. Especially when we went around the Gauntlet Valley by the south, but I believe that I’m still creeped about that power stone we delivered to the Witch Harkness.” The Black Widow spoke, eyes never straying from the road and their vicinity, always looking for a threat.

“I’m still creeped about the whole meeting, Nat. That woman didn’t look like she had her mind on the right place, even less were her intentions.” Wanda felt cold creeping up her bones the second she entered the inn the witch provided as meeting point and every now and then she still felt chills on her cells. “Fortunately, it’s behind us now.” She muttered.

“Unless it comes back to bite us in the ass later.” Natasha smirked a sentence dripping sarcasm, and deep down she prayed that it was just a sarcastic remark indeed and not an omen.

By the time Wanda arrived at their camp, the tents for her and her unit were already up, and everything was prepared for her arrival. The redhead was dreaming with a hot bath and a very deserved rest, but the second her boots touched the campsite, she was taken to the Commander’s tent.

“What happened?” Wanda inquired the second she stepped into the tent. There were important Lords and Knights gathered around a table, but she couldn’t see the man to whom the tent belonged to, only his shield broken on the ground.

“Lord Rogers was captured by the enemy, your highness.” Sir Rumlow fed her with the latest news and the reason why the camp was a pandemonium. Another battle lost to Taharr and now their mightiest warrior, their Commander, was captured. This was a blow to the troops’ morale.

Fuck. The princess muttered to herself. It felt as if fate was against them, only when she brings new supplies, this tragedy happens. “Who’s leading now?” She asked but offered her opinion already. “Lady Romanoff can step in.”

“I’m the next in succession line, your highness.” Sir Barnes started, after clearing his throat. “And I’m afraid King Pietro and Lord Vision would approve, as I’m already familiar with Steve’s tactics.” He spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, but not enough for Wanda to think he’s being rude.

“By all means.” She raised her hands in surrender. As for Vision’s wishes she could care less, but Wanda wouldn’t undermine her brother’s commands on the battlefield, besides the Winter Soldier was a formidable soldier and she knew her army would be in good, capable hands. “Now what?” She asked, sitting by the table, sighing tiredly.

“Now we negotiate and until then, we wait.” Natasha replied and every head on the room nodded in agreement.

Wanda always saw herself as a patient woman, but to wait for any ransom request or even a meeting to draw a negotiation was murderously painful. She had spent the days checking the wounded and their treatment as well as the troops meals, she did everything to kept herself busy to try and forget that one of her mentors was in the lion’s den, possibly dead and there was nothing that she could do.

Dread filled her bones as she walked inside the tent built on the once battlefield, so they could stand a conversation and exchange their requirements somewhat sheltered from the cold rain. Wanda’s eyes roamed the room, taking in every single person present, envisaging who could be a threat in case things went south.

Her eyes stopped and never left the smiling person on the other side of the table, neatly separating the place in two.

Right in the center of Lords, Ladies and Knights, there was you in rich red robes with a few lines adorned in golden, and a lion with an imposing roar was embroidered in your chest. You were breathtaking and Wanda took a few seconds more than usual to breathe again, immediately plastering an annoyed look on her face.

“Ah, Princess Wanda, you’re a sight for sore eyes.” You shot her your most dashing smile and Wanda’s annoyed face turned into a scowl. The gal of you to speak with her like that.

“Can’t say the same, I’m afraid.” She replied, crossing her arms and taking a seat on the table in front of her. “Shall we begin?”

“Of course, Your Highness.” There was a glint in your eyes, but it didn’t feel like you were mocking her title, quite the contrary. For some reason, you seemed truly pleased with her presence and that baffled her.

You cleared your throat and started to speak as if this was a simple matter and not a ransom negotiation. “Your Highness, Ladies and Gentlemen, the last few battles bespeak for themselves, I’m afraid this war is dragging itself for far too long.” You look around to see all eyes on you. “I think a truce is in order. Especially now that the winter is here.” You let your lips turn into a smirk and finished. “No pun intended.”

With a sudden movement, Sir Barnes unsheathed a hidden knife and stuck it heavily on the table in front of you, dangerously close to your hand. “Why don’t you stop with your funny remarks and get this over with?” He spat the word funny as if it were covered in venom.

While Carol, Maria and Sam each let out their own indignant forms of exasperation, you didn’t even flinch. You remained still, looking at the man known as Winter Soldier dead in the eye. “I could have your head in a spike for that little stunt, Sir. Or maybe I should ask for your other hand?” You tsked, feigning disappointment.

To his credit he didn’t waver at the mention of him losing his remaining arm, you only heard stories of how this had happened. It wasn’t a sore spot, you suppose. Taking a tired breath, you resumed your little speech. “I imagine Lord Wilson was very clear when he said no weapons allowed, yet here we are.”

“The note said we’d negotiate Steve’s release, yet here we are.” He mocked you and for a second you thought that picking him by his neck and breaking his nose on the table would be a nice way to show him that he was not allowed to speak with you like that. One glance at Wanda showed you that she had an unreadable expression gracing her face.

With a start, you decided that an act of violence would be unwise if they were trying to negotiate a ceasefire. As much as you wanted to put him in his place to make sure he’d never forget to be respectful to you, you relented.

“Why do you speak as if you were in charge of anything?” You decided to keep violence as your second resort, then. After all, you still need to get a truce before your men freeze with the winter that is about to ravage that region.

He was visibly frustrated by your comment, and you immediately knew this was his weakness. He didn’t want to be demoralized, specially not in front of everyone in the room, probably because his position was too fragile at the moment. “I’m the Commander of Sokovia’s Army, I represent-” You never let him finish.

“No, Sir. The Commander is currently in my custody, you’re barely a nuisance to me. I’m here to negotiate with Princess Wanda.” You flashed him a dangerous smile, however, he wanted to have the last word.

“Lord Vision and King Pietro, they both agreed that I-.” Again, you cut him midsentence, too annoyed to keep listening to his voice, you were losing a precious time now.

“I don’t care about King Pietro or Lord Vision, they’re hundreds of miles away while our feet freeze in this hellhole, so let me be clear, if I wasn’t already. I will only talk to Princess Wanda, no one else.” You fixed him with a glare colder than the rain outside the tent and this time he spoke nothing, grumpily leaning in his chair, defeated.

You turned to look at Wanda, who looked like she was ready to deny every single one of the requests coming out of your lips. “Princess Maximoff, I’d say we stop this madness, once and for all, but I’m pretty sure you still want to revenge a crime that we did not commit.” You began, keeping eye contact with Wanda hoping she’d see that you meant every single word coming out of your lips.

The Maximoff, on the other hand, started to open her mouth to protest but you raised your hand, signalling that you still have things left unsaid, in return, she simply closed her mouth and waited. “I’m sure you know better than anyone that winter by the lakes is cruel and will decimate our soldiers, no matter the color of their clothes.”

You paused your speech just long enough for you to see that the princess had her eyes glued on you. Her beautiful green eyes. “So, I propose a truce. You take your army home and I’ll retreat mine. We can try a peaceful, new negotiation when spring arrives. If we fail, then you can march south once more.”

There were murmurs and grumbles of disapproval by her side, but you already expected resistance. Illogically, a lot of people seemed determined to prolong this war even more. Something churned in your stomach when all Wanda had to do was to raise her hand for her companions to cease their complains. Were you proud of Wanda’s leadership? Why?

Why would her little demonstration of power affect you to this point?

Your thoughts were sliced by the princess’ heavy accent, and you had to bite back a smile that was already painting itself on your lips. “Why would I let you go back to your warmer south if my troops can endure the winter longer than yours?”

“Because not only I’m willing to set Lord Rogers free, but also, I might pretend that I don’t know where your new supplies came from.” You could see Wanda’s face morphing because of your words and their meaning.

You were willing to overlook her Kingdom’s deals with the Kree and this was a big offer. Huge even. Sokovia could be the most hated people, just like Hydrarr was, and the price paid as an outcast was painfully high in Noveria.

“Why?” Even under the feeble light provided by the candles, you could see genuine curiosity in her eyes.

“My people need to rest, and we need a truce, Princess. Even if it’s a cold peace until we can settle a more permanent agreement later.” You could still see drops of hesitation in her eyes, that’s why you quickly provided her with an insight.

“If we keep doing this, Taharr will no longer possess an army but the same will happen to you. How long do you think Hydrarr would wait to abuse your borders? Or how long do you think Asgard would take to claim as theirs the share of Bifrost Forest that currently belongs to you?”

You could feel the other sokovians staring daggers at you, but your attention never quavered from Wanda. For a moment, you almost smiled thinking that your mother and your brother would’ve loved to witness your tactics. Information and knowledge are a powerful weapon indeed if one knows how to wield it.

Apparently, all those hours locked up in your chambers learning about boring geopolitics paid off. The basics of being a king or a queen is how to keep your borders, hence why one needs an army and the thin lines on Sokovia’s east were a weakness that you would not hesitate in remind her of.

“You have your deal, Lioness.” Her voice brought you back to present again.

There was a muttering around the tent, but your eyes were solely on hers when you spoke, smiling widely. “We should celebrate with a good southern wine, princess.”

“Don’t push your luck, Princess.” You could’ve sworn that you saw the ghost of a smile flashing on her lips while she got up to her feet to leave the tent, but you probably had imagined it.

taglist: @californianwhiterabbit

part 6

#Queens of Promise #wanda maximoff #princess wanda #wanda maximov #wanda marvel #wanda x you #scarlet witch #wanda x reader #wanda x female reader #wanda x fem!reader #medieval au #wanda maximoff x female reader #wanda maximoff x reader #enemies to lovers

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talonslockau · 10 months ago

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Happy New Year's Eve!

I've been in the process of writing Embrace of Locked Talons for several years by this point - I first posted the first 6 chapters, plus the prologue, on February 9th, 2022 within the confines of a small circle of friends. It was only after I finished it with the epilogue on April 7th, 2023, that I considered going public with it. I've always written primarily for myself and my close friends, making this my first foray into fandom as a whole.

And what a foray it's been! Once again, I'd like to thank everyone who's liked, commented, reblogged, followed and asked on Tumblr - knowing even one person likes my writing keeps me so motivated, let alone so many more. And a thanks to those who have liked, commented, and bookmarked on Ao3 as well!

It's been a great 2023 - but I know you're all eager to know about my plans for 2024 now that Fire and Ice is fully released. I've got a lot to say - so I'll be putting it all under the cut.

First, I want to say that Forest of Secrets will be significantly darker than Fire and Ice, and a fair bit darker than in canon. I will label everything with trigger warnings, as well as chapter summaries on AO3, but I want to mention it in advance because I know that Fire and Ice was fairly lighthearted compared to canon.

I also have some bad news - I've been rushing out Fire and Ice, mostly because I'd technically already posted it for my friends and wanted everyone to be on the same page. However, posting once a day (or three times a day, in the case of this past week) isn't sustainable with my writing pace, especially since I'm still not finished with Forest of Secrets.

For that reason, I will be posting Forest of Secrets once a week on Mondays. If I get Forest of Secrets done and move on to the (still unnamed) last book before the end of the year (which seems likely) then that may change to twice a week or another end-of-the-year blitz; but I make no promises on that regard if something unexpected happens. I'll be posting the allegiances, prologue, and Chapter 1 tomorrow, the first day of the New Year!

Art will be moving to being posted on Fridays, so there will still be new content twice a week. I plan to finish the elders (Smallear, One-eye, and Patchpelt) first - after that it's likely to be all the warriors, including those that have newly graduated :)

Speaking of new warriors, I'm very excited to announce something I've been planning since I first decided to go public with my fanfic, which only became possible in 2023. You've all surely noticed some of the 'new' faces in Thunderclan, including Dewpaw, Cedarkit, and Cherrykit. While I've given some - such as Peppermask and Mistspring - their own names, there are those who I just can't decide on the best name for.

So I'm going to move the decision to you all, the people! I'll be making Tumblr Polls for most of the newly grown up faces as well as some old ones with a few options based on both legacy names as well as suffices that I feel fit the characters' personalities best. These polls will be posted on the last Wednesday of the month, so the winner will be decided on the first Wednesday of the next month.

I'll clarify that not all names will be decided in this way - for instance, I've already decided on Cinderpaw's warrior name, one that I think everyone will agree suits her perfectly. However, I can preview the first name that will be polled on - Dewpaw, Thunderclan's lovely healer apprentice.

I think that covers everything I want to announce right now. Thank you all once again for your support, and I'll see you next year!

#talonslock #the prophecies begin #fanfic #warrior cats

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kelmcdonald · 2 years ago

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Failure to Launch Crowdfund is Launching!

This is crossposted with my newsletter. Sign up for it here!

Hi everyone. Hope you all had a good January. Lots of things coming up this month!

Firstly, as the title says Failure to Launch's crowdfunding has gone live. Failure to Launch is a light-hearted, educational tour of (so far!) unrealized technological and societal advances promised in years past, but which never came to be. What could have been, but wasn't. It tells the tales of planned utopias in space, wild inventions, attempts to improve society, robot pets, and predictions of armageddon! History is often written by the winners, but this time join us in spotlighting those who didn't let failure stop their dreams. I edited it and drew a story. My story is titled Paradise Within the Reach of All Men. It's written by Ryan North and io9 posted a sample!

Later toward the end of the month, I'm doing a live reading of Fame and Misfortune. It will be Saturday February 25th at noon PST on my twitch. Some friends will be playing different roles. Then I'll answer some reader questions after the reading. Post any questions you got to this public patreon post.

Also while not in February, it's early enough in March that I wanted to mention it now. March 2nd-5th I'll be at Emerald City Comic Con. They haven't sent a map yet, but I'll try to post it in March's newsletter.

The full moon was yesterday, so I didn't get this out in time. But we watched Wolf Children. The next few moon is March 6/7. I'll probably do the movie on March 7th since I'll be driving back from ECCC on the 6th. Either way please join the discord so you don't miss the next full moon movie night.

As always I'll be streaming art on Twitch. My schedule is currently the following:

Tuesday 8pm-10pm PST

Wednesday 8pm-10pm PST

Thursday 6pm-9pm PST (during the Iron Circus Geekshow)

As for last month, what you might have missed is You are the Chosen One is back to updating on Patreon. I posted a PDF catch up for folks, because I know Patreon isn't great for catching up on reading comics. Also, The City Between has a new storyline starting. It's up early on my Patreon, but will start posting on my website this month.

This past month I did my best to work on Meredith McClarren and I's graphic novel Blue Moon. I'm behind on writing it because I've been a little buried with editorial work for Iron Circus and Seven Seas. A lot of my free time this month will go to trying to finish that one up.

On the editorial front, I'm putting the finishing touches on Failure to Launch. I'm also getting the ball rolling on a new anthology about committing crimes. It's called Perfect Crime Party. That will be fun to get the ball rolling on. At Seven Seas I'm editing the manga for one of my favorite recent animes, Life of an Ordinary Guy reincarnated as a Fantasy Knockout. It's a very funny parody of fantasy books and romantic comedies. I recommend checking it out the anime or the manga once it's out.

Staying on top of all that and exercising every morning has been pretty rough. But it's getting easier. I had trouble sticking with it after SDCC and ECCC being so close together last year. So doing Emerald City Comic Con will be the test on if I can stick with it. I've mostly been watching stuff while on the treadmill. Here's stuff I watched and read this month

My Love Mix Up vol 6 by Wataru Hinekure and Aruko - I mentioned this in my newsletter a year ago. But My Love Mix Up is one of my favorite regular reads. It's very cute. The bisexual main character starts the series with trying to figure out his feelings for two crushes (one guy and one girl). Now that it's been going on awhile the series has moved on to the main character navigating dating another guy. I like it because the character conflicts are mostly about them figuring out their own feelings rather than miscommunication. I find people needing that time and space to sort out their feelings and thoughts really appealing. Like the love interest is dating the main character and hasn't had a crush or feelings for anyone before. He sometimes comes off as detached or disinterested in they relationship. So compared to the heart on his sleeve main character, the conflict doesn't need miscommunication. Because if someone needs time and space, that's a conflict that can only be resolved with said space and time.

The Night Eaters by Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda - I picked this up because I like Monstress by the same creative team. The art is beautiful just like Monstress. Currently, I think I prefer Monstress because that hit the ground running. But The Night Eaters was mostly setting things up for the series. The main characters are twins that don't understand their immigrant mother. They have a good dynamic and I like their back and forth as they learn their family's supernatural secrets. I'm gonna grab volume 2 and maybe now that groundwork is laid it will really knock volume 2 out of the park.

Lost in the Moment and Found by Seanan McGuire - This is the newest volume of The Wayward Children Series. If you don't know it, the series follows kids that had a portal fantasy adventure and came back. Mostly the kids are called to their respective fantasy worlds because those worlds fix the kid better. I always like this series and end up grabbing the book the day it comes out. This one follows a girl who ends up in an in-between world which is where lost things magically end up. It is better for her because her home life has gone to hell and it's a sanctuary for her. She doesn't realize what she is giving up to stay though. It has some good thoughts and observations about how people treat children. All the Wayward Children protagonists have rough home life, but this one starts especially rough.

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio - I loved this version of Pinocchio. I always like Del Toro's designs and the stop motion animation was lovely. I especially liked the design for Death.

Watership Down Mini Series - I also watched the Watership Down Mini Series that came out a few years ago. While the acting was good, I think it feel for the trap that happens a lot with cg animation. They rabbits look too realistic and that kinda robs them of personality. The visuals didn't really sell the horror of the book or the old 2nd movie.

First Kill - This and the next thing on this list made me think about how quickly netflix cancels stuff extremely quickly. If you aren't familiar with it, First Kill is the teen lesbain vampire romance series they put out last summer and quickly canceled. It follows a vampire and a vampire hunter who fall for each other while their families are fighting one another. It is EXTREMELY bad and not in a fun way. The whole show is very poorly thought out and seems slapped together. While it wants you to think Romeo and Juliet with the two leads, it is established that after being bit a human becomes devoted to a vampire. So one member of those pair has their freewill compromised. It is then brushed aside. And the vampire girl doesn't want to kill, but is told she has to. Why? Well, she just has to. We see other vampires feed from willing donors and not kill them, but it's never established why she can't just do that. The vampire also has to keep keep the fact that she is a vampire secret but then it turns out the whole world already knows about vampires. I could go on, but all the examples of what's wrong can be summed up as a lack of thought being put in to anything. And at the end of the day it's also boring. I can only imagine how frustrating it would be to think you were getting gay version of Buffy or True Blood and instead getting this.

That 90s Show - I watched a lot of That 70s Show as a teen. And I've been watching a youtuber named Jose do retrospectives of different sitcoms. After watching the That 70s Show one, I decided to check out That 90s Show. Overall, That 90s Show is just okay. I think the new teen actors have a decent chemistry, are unique, and their jokes are funny. But they don't really have time to explore/find their feet. Way too much time is spent on cameos for the cast of That 70s Show. The set up for the show is that Donna and Eric's daughter Leia is spending the summer with her grandparents Red and Kitty. So Donna and Eric being in the first episode as well as Red and Kitty all fit in the show fine. But the problem comes up when it turns out the single mom next door is dating Fez and her landlord is the guy Fez had a rivalry with. So now instead of sticking with the teen main characters, we are spending all this time rehashing Fez's joke from That 70s Show. And when Leia likes a boy with the last name Kelso, both Jackie and Micheal invade Kitty and Red's kitchen to repeat their usual fight. Something like this happens once per episode. And it's a shame because I think the teen characters holding their own would have better served the show. It left me wondering what season 2 would be like, but since it's on Netflix it will most likely never get that chance.

Watching all those sitcom retrospectives and listening to the Always Sunny Podcast (the crew of always sunny are rewatching their old episodes). It made me think about how sitcoms usually don't find their feet until season 2. Nearly all the shows we think of as changing the landscape of television had poor ratings the first season. Sitcoms rarely have complicated premises and live or die on the chemistry of their cast. And you don't know what does and doesn't work until you actually make a couple of episodes. While dramas/dramadies are also in a rough place in a landscape where things either take off immediately or get canceled, seems like sitcoms are getting get the worst of this cancel happy time period we are currently in. That's just something that's been on my mind lately, especially when shows I really like such as Inside Job have ended up on the chopping block. Thanks everyone! Have a good month and thanks again for your support. I'm gonna start doing an art round up after each newsletter. So enjoy and have a good one.

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thornwolfy235 · 5 days ago

Text

WIP 3 - Chapter 1

I'm going to post a bunch of WIPs in a row now. maybe with a little feedback I'll get the gumption to finish one of them.

A bit of info on them first. I wrote all of these in an effort to deal with an exceptionally bad break-up (might as well call it a divorce, we lived together for 6 years). A lot of these are "how it should've gone" type stuff. I was never able to decide if they should be a full chapter by chapter "novel" or just a bunch of oneshots within the same universe and make a collection of them in order or whatever. Maybe I'll drop them to Ao3 as well. They are all xfem!Readers with my blorbos Grillby and Gaster (though most have no anatomy mentioned, so you can safely read no matter what gender you are). I'd appreciate a glance through if nothing else.

This would have been the first chapter of a fully written thing. Lots of world-building here. Reader goes to Grillby's for the first time. Quick note about Grillby, I've thought of him as selectively mute. He generally only talks when it is quiet/in small groups because if he raises his voice too much, he starts to roar and crackle like an out of control fire, which sounds scary and garbles his words anyways. As he'd rather not spook anyone, he just stays silent until he can be heard while talking softly.

CW: Discussion of emotional abuse, description for panic attack, mention but no follow-through for self-harm

“It’s good that he’s gone.” “The guy was a scumbucket.” “You’re better off without him.”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t take the pain away,” you’d always respond.

Your family and friends were well-meaning, and they were right. You knew they were right. But having a six-year relationship (five of which were spent engaged) end like…like that was impossibly painful. It wasn’t just that he cheated on you, it was that he clung onto you for an additional four months that made it hurt so much. If he had just left to be with them, it would’ve sucked, but at least it would have been a clean break. Instead, he spent those four months telling you he still loved you, still wanted to make it work with you, was still dedicated to you, but never missed an opportunity to tell you how much he loved them as well and how amazing they were. He told you he was polyamorous the morning after he cheated on you (in your bed), which made you want to be sympathetic towards his feelings, made you want to try that lifestyle for his sake since he said he felt so bad about betraying your trust, but… You were never one to try to tell others how they felt, but his behavior after that certainly made you question if he was being honest when he said he was poly or if he only said it to manipulate your emotions. He gaslit you into thinking your feelings on the whole thing were irrational and irrelevant, abused you into isolation and silence, made you dependent on him for any sort of attention or affection while also abandoning you every chance he had… How many nights did you expect him to come home from work only to get a text from him saying he was staying at their place again? How many times had he come home only to get an ‘urgent’ text from them and race out the door? How many nights, weeks, had you spent alone, even though he promised he wouldn’t do that to you?

Eventually he decided that he hadn’t love you ‘for a while now’ and walked out, leaving you to pack his things for him to come get whenever it was convenient for him. Those days were spent in a daze, just mechanically sorting through what was now just your apartment, doing your best to make sure you got everything of his, and then waiting for him to come get all the boxes from your living room, which took several more weeks. And why did you have to do all of that for him? Because seeing you sad was too hard for him to handle, though he always wanted to chat when he came to get more stuff. Oh, and he hadn’t had a chance to unpack the things from the last trip, because he decided to go camping with them the previous weekend. When he did finally come for the last few boxes, he praised you for handling everything so well, for being so civil and understanding, and that he looked forward to when you got over your hurt feelings so you could be his friend again. You closed the door in his face.

The following months were spent in a strange, hazy mix of activity and stagnating. You tried not to languish in your grief. You reconnected with friends you hadn’t spoken to in years because of him, went to events you were interested in without worrying about being ridiculed or condescended to by him, ate the foods you liked, watched the movies and shows you wanted to. But despite people praising you for not shutting down, you felt like you were just running away from or masking your pain instead of confronting it, not that you’d had any ideas on how to do that. You started looking around for a therapist, but trying to find one that was taking on new patients was proving to be nigh impossible. The two things keeping you going was your job, which you loved despite the frequent frustrations, and your guinea pig, Larkin. Having her there kept the apartment from feeling totally empty, and she never failed to make you smile. (You wished you could’ve found her a new friend after her sister had passed, but she had rejected any piggies you introduced, so it was just the two of you.)

You told most of the people you knew an extremely abridged version of what happened. “My fiancé cheated on me, tried to keep me and the other person, but ultimately decided he just wanted them,” is what you had settled on. Only your closest friends and your parents knew the full story. But everyone, whether they had the full context or not, said the same sorts of things.

“What an awful thing he did to you.” “You don’t need a cheater and a liar in your life.” “You’ll find someone better.” “You’re going to be okay.”

And even if all those things were true…

“It doesn’t take the pain away.”

–––––

Sometime during the months he’d spent going back and forth on you, news broke of Monsters coming out from beneath Mount Ebott. You’d been too wrapped up in your own situation to really take notice of it outside of a handful of news articles and an email from your work encouraging everyone to be welcoming. You’d had a few run-ins with Monsters, all of them completely uneventful, aside from the occasional startle when you’d round a corner and almost run into a spider-person as tall as you. You knew there were tensions between humans and Monsters (because of course there were; humans were awful to their own kind, why would they treat an entirely new race any differently?), but they always seemed friendly and polite to you. You really didn’t have the energy to make friends, but you made an effort to return their niceness whenever you did interact. Ultimately, their presence didn’t faze you much. If you were honest, you liked Monsters more than most humans. They didn’t…pester you the way humans did.

After another late, lonely night at work, you dragged yourself to your car and sat staring vacantly at the dashboard. You didn’t want to go back to the isolation of home yet. You’d fallen into a slump of work-home-work-home and recognized you needed to do something different. The town, however, started rolling up the sidewalks around eight pm, and it was after nine by now. Although… You had a vague memory of a bar or something opening not too long ago. There was a diner halfway between work and home you used to frequent that had closed almost a year ago, but you remembered there being a bunch of construction over there recently, a second story added to it along with a big neon sign, after which you’d seen lights on in the windows. Maybe they’d still be open this late, and you did have a book you’d been meaning to read with you… You’d have to apologize to Larkin for getting home late, maybe offer an extra lettuce leaf in compensation, but you just didn’t want to be in that empty apartment for a little bit longer. “Just a change of scenery,” you muttered as you put the car in gear.

Pulling into the parking lot, you studied the place for a bit from the safety of your car. The big neon sign read ‘GRILLBY’S’ in large orange block lettering, simple and to the point. The lights were on, and you could see the shapes of people moving around inside through the building’s original frosted windows. There were some pretty big silhouettes, so you figured there must be some Monsters in there, which was fine. You noticed much of the place’s original exterior décor hadn’t been changed, same frosted windows and stucco paint and square wall lamps, which you thought was sort of nice, like a nod to what the diner had been. Or maybe the new proprietor just hadn’t bothered to change those yet. You wondered if some of the original tchotchkes were still inside, too, though maybe the original owners had taken all of that stuff with them when the place was shuttered. Either option was nice, that nothing had been abandoned, or if it had been, it now had a new life. Maybe you shouldn’t personify faded posters and rusty license plates so much, but you were sentimental like that.

After double checking that your car was locked, you headed for the entrance. A small bell above the door merrily announced your arrival. You froze for a moment as the noise level dipped and heads turned to look at you, but the patrons quickly lost interest in you and resumed their eating, drinking, chatting, and…was that an actual table of dogs playing poker? Okay, dog Monsters, but still…the irony was too good to not at least grin at. There was a sign inviting you to grab a menu and seat yourself, so after another glance around the room, you picked a small table in a corner. It was unobtrusive and near a wall you could put your back to, which meant you wouldn’t have to worry about anyone coming up behind you and startling you. You skimmed the menu, finding typical pub fare – burgers, fries, soups, various sandwiches – and looked up to see who you needed to flag down to order.

Your heart leapt into your throat as you realized that you were the only human in the room. Was this a Monsters-only establishment? You knew there were some human-owned places that barred Monsters from coming in, but you’d never heard of Monsters treating humans that way. Of course, that didn’t mean it was impossible – surely Monsters needed that safety more than humans did. Panicked, you looked back down at the menu, rereading it several times. Nothing on it said that you shouldn’t be here, but there could’ve been a sign on the door. Was there a sign on the door? You couldn’t remember, but what if you missed it? You looked up at the room again, frantic. Should you leave? But your arrival had already been noted by some Monsters; if you left and this wasn’t a Monsters-only place, would they get offended? You didn’t want to be seen as a snob and have rumors get spread around about you, but if you weren’t supposed to be here and your presence could potentially upset some Monsters…well, you didn’t want that, either!

Monsters were now glancing at you, a few outright staring. Oh god, you were staring at them, weren’t you?! You wanted to down or look away or at least close your stupid eyes but couldn’t, your paranoia paralyzing you. Your breathing turned shallow and fast and it felt like your heart had forgotten how to beat a steady rhythm. No, no, no! You’d just wanted to spend some time out, just enjoy the ambiance and some food and your book, not have a panic attack! Your vision tunneled to a Monster that was approaching you, hands and face wreathed in – no, made of – fire, dressed sharply in a white button-down and black vest and trousers. If you weren’t on the verge of having a meltdown, you’d find the black bowtie to be a charming touch. You watched in terror as they stopped in front of your table, staring silently down at you. You couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, just stare up into their glasses, the reflections in which made it impossible to see their eyes. Were they mad? Were they here to throw you out? Their head tilted as they gazed down at you, clearly waiting for something. Your mouth opened but you couldn’t make a sound.

“grillbz is waiti-”

You fell out of your chair with a shriek at the low voice that came from directly beside you. You scuttled back until you hit the wall where you curled up, hugging your knees to your chest. “I’m sorry! ‘M sorry, I can leave! I-I didn’t mean to intrude! I didn’t know that I wasn’t supposed to be here! I’m s-so so-orry!” you babbled as the tears came, turning the world into blurred colors and shapes.

“whoa. relax, kid.” The same voice, now sounding startled, came from a blue-and-white blob and was almost drowned out by the sudden eruption of voices all around you. If the speaker hadn’t been so close to you, you likely wouldn’t have heard them at all. The cacophony only scared you further, making you cover your ears and stammer-sob more apologies. Some shapes stood up and began approaching you, coming to trap you, yell at you, tell you that you were stupid and awful and didn’t belong here and –

The fiery Monster raised a hand and the room went silent save for your whimpering. They moved slowly towards your side, coming at an angle instead of directly at you, and waved their hand again. The blue-and-white blob backed up in response. You watched, mesmerized by the flickering orange light, as they came closer still. They carefully knelt down beside you and paused, quietly assessing you. You clutched yourself in a frightened hug, wishing you could curl up so tightly that you’d vanish from existence.

“this is grillby. he owns the place, if, uh, if you couldn’t tell from the name,” the blob said helpfully. Glancing at them, you realized that…Grillby had made them back up so you wouldn’t be cornered by the two of them. In fact, by coming to your side, his approach had also ensured you hadn’t felt trapped.

Orange moved, and your attention snapped back to Grillby as he slowly extended his hand towards your shoulder. You held perfectly still aside from your hyperventilating, half expecting him to grab you by the shirt collar and chuck you out the door. You wouldn’t blame him if he did. Instead, he carefully placed his hand on your shoulder. Gentle heat radiated from it, from him. You found it comforting, soothing rather than alarming. He waited a moment to gauge your reaction, and when you didn’t pull away or freak out again, he shifted closer to slide the hand to the center of your back. The warmth eased the tension from your shoulders and you found you were able to breathe easier. Something in you settled as he rubbed small circles along your spine.

“I-I really am sorry. I c-can leave if you want,” you whispered, but he shook his head, or at least that was what you thought he did. You couldn’t see very well through your tear-clouded vision.

As though knowing this, Grillby plucked a pocket square from his vest and offered it to you. You looked between it and his…face(?) before gingerly taking it from his hand, worried that he might change his mind and decide to throw you out anyways. You took off your glasses to wipe away your tears and dry the lenses before trying to hand the pocket square back, but he shook his head again, holding up a hand in a “keep it for now” gesture. You clutched it close, worrying the fabric between your fingers as you tried to get a hold on your emotions, staring into his glasses. You couldn’t see his eyes (assuming he even had eyes) because the lenses reflected his flames. It didn’t feel like he was glaring at you, though. If anything, he seemed thoughtful as he regarded you.

“i’m sorry for scaring you, kid. i’m too used to humans just gawking at us monsters. i thought that’s what you were doing to grillbz. i didn’t realize you were already freaked,” the low voice said, and you looked to it to find the blob was a short skeleton Monster in a blue hoody, oversized athletic shorts, and…pink slippers. Huh.

“I-I’m not scared o-of Monsters. I thought…I-I thought I wasn’t allowed to be here,” you said as you stared at your knees, humiliated by your panic.

“Well, tha’s jus’ s-silly,” a slurred voice piped up. You looked up to see a seemingly drunken bunny looking at you (or at least you assumed they were, as they were unsteadily rocking from side to side). “Ev’ryone’s welcome at Grillby’sss…” they trailed off as they rested their head back on their table.

((needs stuff))

You took a shaky breath. “In some ways…the most insulting part is that he even lied to me when he left. He told me he would be staying at their place but that he wasn’t with them anymore. He claimed their attic was finished and he’d be living there. I didn’t need his coworkers to tell me that wasn’t the case, but they did anyway. He even confirmed as much when he came to get some of his stuff – that I packed – a week or so later. But he still lied even after he decided he didn’t want me anymore. Did he think it would soften the blow? O-or did he think I was just that stupid?” You clenched your hands, trying to stop their trembling. “Maybe I was stupid. I should’ve seen what was happening right from the start. I shouldn’t have let him talk me into staying with him while he started leaving me behind.” You forced back your tears by swallowing, but you couldn’t stop talking. “I-I know…I know I’m better off without him. I know he cheated on me and manipulated me and gaslit me. I know he probably hasn’t grieved the way I have about this relationship falling apart. I don’t think he misses me the way I…I miss the him I thought I knew. But it…it just doesn’t…”

“It doesn’t take the pain away,” Grillby finished for you. His voice was a soft tenor, the words seemingly breathed rather than spoken, nearly inaudible hisses, crackles, and pops accompanying the syllables. But as surprised as you were that he had spoken, what caught you more off guard was hearing your mantra said by someone else.

Whatever resolve to not cry you had broke immediately. “He us-sed to love me. H-he used to care. I don’t-t know why or wh-when he s-st-topped. I don’t kn-know what I did wrong. I-I tried s-so, so hard to be what he wanted me to be. I ate what he t-told me to, did what he told me to, w-went where he told me to. I st-stopped doing the things I liked bec-cause he didn’t. I-I did the things he liked even though I did-dn’t. B-but it was okay a-as long as he loved me. I did e-every-everything I-I could to make him ha-happy, but it was-sn’t enough. I wasn’t enough. God, I-I wasn’t good enough! I failed…I’m a f-failu–” You broke off with a pained whine, screwing your eyes shut as though it would be enough to keep more tears from falling, and when you opened them again, Grillby was no longer in front of you. A wail ripped from your throat as the feeling of abandonment took hold completely. Of course he was gone. He didn’t have to care. You weren’t his responsibility. No one wanted to be around you, so why woul–

Warm arms wrapped around you, pulling you against an equally warm chest. Startled, you looked up to find Grillby had come around from behind the bar to hug you, and had somehow gotten close enough that he could do so without you even realizing he had moved. You tried to recoil only for his arms to subtly tighten. You weren’t afraid, though; you could feel the worry and care that radiated from the fiery barkeep along with his heat. “You didn’t fail him. He failed you. It’s not your fault he didn’t see or didn’t care that he was hurting you. It’s not your fault,” Grillby murmured.

“I-I’m s-sorry-y,” you whimpered, turning your face away, ashamed by your second breakdown of the night, only to be shushed.

“It’s alright. Let it out. I won’t tell a soul,” he said, that beautiful, gentle voice washing over you and taking the remnants of the dam with it. You leaned against him as painful sobs tore at your already sore throat.

((needs stuff))

“I-it’s pretty late. I guess I should go,” you said softly, finding that you didn’t really want to leave. Being around Grillby felt…nice. It was potentially the most relaxed you’d felt since…everything. Your eyes drifted to the black plastic tray with your check. “Oh, right, the bill! I-I got so busy talking that…” You trailed off as you got out your wallet.

“Allow me,” the elemental said, snagging the slip of paper. It ignited and was gone in seconds.

“Hey!” you yelped in surprise, and then irritation set in. “Look, I don’t want pity or charity –”

“It isn’t,” he broke in. “You’ve already paid. A meal for a story. Fair trade.”

You pursed your lips, eyes narrowing, before fishing out a twenty, a ten, and a five (you couldn’t remember the exact amount, but that seemed right plus extra for the hot tea and a tip), slapping them onto the counter and pushing them towards him. “Fine then. Payment for being a shoulder to cry on.”

He smirked, clearly amused, and pushed the ten back. “For letting yourself cry.”

You considered that for a moment. “Alright, fair trade,” you said, returning the ten to your wallet. That got a soft laugh from him, a soft, crackling thing accompanied by yellower flames. Something about being the one to make him laugh felt good.

((needs stuff))

“Before you go,” Grillby stopped you by the door. He pulled a small card from a pocket and held it out to you. “Here. I have a spare room where you can stay if you think you need to be someplace he can’t find you for a while. If you ever feel like you aren’t safe and need someone to bring you here, or have to come after hours, call me.”

You looked down at the little card bearing Grillby’s name and a phone number labeled as his personal cell rather than the business’. You looked back up at him. “I-I don’t understand…”

A quick little flash of blue went through his flames. Was he…embarrassed? “When we first came to the Surface, I had considered teaming up with a friend who would run an adjoining inn. After we bought this place and started renovations, we realized there were already several inns and hotels in the area, so adding another wasn’t going to be much of a draw. She found a different venture and I ended up living upstairs, but with the extra space, ‘Grillby’s’ became a…safe house of sorts. Especially in the beginning when Monster and human relations were still shaky. Now the extra space is used more often than not for anyone who has had a little more drink than they can handle.” His tone turned from reminiscent to fond with his last sentence and remained that way as he smiled at you. “But I extend the invitation to you. If you think you might be in danger, from him or anyone else, and need an escort to get here safely, don’t hesitate to call. If I cannot come get you myself, I can find someone who can.”

You looked back at the card. You’d always known if your ex decided to start hanging around or harassing you that your parents would gladly welcome you back home for a bit, but they lived twice as far from your job as your apartment was, and the commute was already long enough. ‘Grillby’s’ was much closer to both your job and your apartment – nearly a midpoint between the two – which meant getting to and from safety would be much quicker. (And, while you loved your parents, you weren’t exactly eager to move back in with them. You already felt like a screw-up; doing so would just reinforce that. Staying at ‘Grillby’s’ might let you save face a little bit.) “If you’re sure it’s okay…”

“I wouldn’t have offered if it wasn’t,” he said kindly. “Though, speaking of safety, will you be able to get home alright? Not too tired to drive?”

You smiled up at him. “Yeah, I’m good. I need to go home tonight, anyways. Larkin’s before-bed lettuce is late enough as it is without me spending the night here,” you joked.

“Then you mustn’t make her wait any longer,” he chuckled. He opened the front door and you both looked across the dark, somewhat foreboding parking lot. “I’ll keep watch until you get to your car.”

“Thank you,” you said but hesitated, feeling like the words weren’t enough. Seeing that you were hovering, he held out his arm, inviting you in for a hug, which you gratefully accepted. “Thank you so much for…for everything, Grillby,” you whispered.

Despite his embrace only being one-armed, it was strong and genuine. “Of course. Have a safe drive home and a good night. And remember, you are always welcome here.”

He gave you a last squeeze before releasing you. You nodded with a sigh and a smile, feeling a lot lighter than you had when you first arrived. You trotted across the lot to your car and the two of you waved to each other before you got in. With another content sigh, you started the engine and got your music set up, feeling guilty when you saw how close to midnight it was. Larkin was going to read (wheek) you the riot act when you got home.

((needs stuff))

Grillby waited until your car left the lot before closing and locking the door again. The air pressure in the room shifted, growing almost unbearably heavy for a second before returning to normal. He sighed out a small puff of smoke. “At least tell me you weren’t eavesdropping,” he said as he turned to shoot a look at the skeleton now sitting at the counter.

“nah, i let you two have your privacy,” Sans said flippantly before turning uncharacteristically serious. “is she gonna be okay?”

“Given time and kindness, yes.” The elemental started putting up chairs for sweeping. “If you’re going to be here anyways, would you help with this?”

Chairs engulfed in blue magic began setting themselves on tables. “can i ask what happened to her?”

“You can ask, but it’s not my story to tell,” Grillby answered, fetching the broom.

“…fair. can you at least tell me why she freaked out like that?”

“Aside from you scaring her half to Dust, er, death? You really should stop doing that, by the way. Not every human has it out for us.”

“enough do,” Sans snipped back, though without any real anger behind it. Grillby couldn’t really argue with him. Enough time had passed since returning to the Surface for most humans to at least tolerate monsters, but there were plenty out there that still had vendettas. Still, Sans could have tried to read your body language before pulling the ominous-skeleton-stunt. Skies above, even without CHECKing, Grillby had been able to tell you had been frozen in fear, not gaping at them or gearing up for something malicious. Surely the Judge should’ve been able to see that much. “seriously. what happened to her?” Sans pressed, dragging him out of his thoughts.

Grillby stopped to stare at the floor as he searched for the right words to satisfactorily answer the question without betraying your trust. “She was…I think ‘abused’ is the right word…by an emotionally manipulative partner into believing that she was always in the wrong.” He knew the skeleton’s eyelights had vanished without having to look. Sans didn’t like humans, but he hated manipulators. “She thought she wasn’t welcome here, and had worked herself into a panic well before I approached her.”

“is she still with them?” Sans asked slowly.

“No, thankfully, but…events were recent enough for the memories to still be strong, and…trauma is often long lasting, as I’m sure you know. She has…a lot of recovering to do.”

Silence reigned save for the swish of the broom as the tension in the room dissipated. “i do feel bad about scaring her,” Sans said finally, sounding tired.

Grillby huffed another sigh, though this one was more affectionate. “I know.”

“so…you got the hots for her?” Sans drawled.

The elemental paused to glare at him. “Sans, no.”

“you warmed up to her awful quick, and she seemed to light up every time you got near,” the skeleton continued cheekily.

“How about you tell me why that might be, hm?” Grillby deadpanned, leaning on the broom. There was the telltale nudge at his SOUL as he was CHECKed.

Sans sobered immediately. “oh.”

“‘Oh,’ indeed.”

“…did you tell her?”

He shook his head. “I was a bit…preoccupied.”

“…true.”

Grillby resumed sweeping. “It’s not that important, anyway. Though it probably was why I was able to calm her so quickly. So I supposed it is good in that regard. And after everything…I think she deserves to know there is someone she is safe with, even if it’s only her SOUL that knows.”

“yeah, guess that’s true, too. how do you feel about it? you know, ‘cause of the war…”

His flames snapped off an irritated puff of sparks. It was a valid question, even if he didn’t like being reminded of his time as a soldier. “I made my peace with that long ago. Besides, did she really seem all that dangerous to you? I suspect she’d be afraid of her own shadow if she thought she offended it. That, and I have a hard time believing our SOULs would connect so easily if she held any sort of ill-intent. Once she calmed down, she was amiable enough to the monsters that approached her. Nervous, but still pleasant. So yes, I am fine with having her as SOULkin, even if she is a human.”

Sans hummed in response. “so…anything you want to know about her?”

So the Judge had peeked at your SOUL at some point. Sans could do that without alerting the SOUL that he had done so, a skill that other monsters did not have (at least Grillby didn’t know of any others). You would have felt a normal CHECK and, not knowing what it was, would likely have been scared further by it. Seeing as you were already plenty frightened, he had refrained from doing so, though it had been tempting simply to get a better grasp of why you had been so upset. “Not particularly,” Grillby said dismissively, though he had a feeling that wasn’t going to stop the skeleton. Something about you was clearly bothering him.

Sure enough, after a few moments, he said, “she capitalizes the ‘m’ of ‘monsters.’”

Grillby paused. That wasn’t quite what he expected Sans to say. He knew how the skeleton brothers both seemed to ‘see’ spoken words, but he hadn’t thought that this would be what was upsetting Sans. “Is…that a problem?”

“no, just…weird, y’know? that she does that.”

“Perhaps she does it to distinguish our kind from the human notion of ‘monsters.’”

“yeah, i guess…” So that quirk wasn’t really what was nagging him.

Grillby stopped cleaning entirely to look at him. “Sans, what is it that’s bothering you?”

The already strained smile became even more so. “her stats are, uh…not great.” The elemental remained silent. “her def is pretty high…though it drops a lot when you get near her…which makes sense…soulkin and all...but, uh…”

“But?” Grillby prompted when Sans didn’t continue.

“but her atk is…it’s negative.”

A jolt went through Grillby like someone had thrown a glass of water at him. A negative ATK suggested self-destructive tendencies at best, moving into self-harm or worse when it got low enough. He could see it now as he looked back over the evening, how quick you were to self-deprecate, how you deflected any compliment, how you still blamed yourself for everything you had gone through, how you almost turned down the support he had offered. You had been wearing a jacket, though, which hid your arms and any potential marks. Maybe he should have tried to make you stay, just to make sure you really were okay. If he had just done that CHECK, he might have known –

“hey, grillbz, don’t go too green.” Grillby startled at Sans’ voice. Glancing at his hands, he could see that his flames had indeed taken on a sickly hue. “negative’s not the best, but it was only a couple of points down. i don’t think you have to worry too much about it. it’s just something to keep in mind, yeah?”

Grillby pushed down his mounting concern, forcing his flames to return to their neutral orange tones. “Right…yes.”

“sorry. i didn’t want to tell you because i knew you’d just worry. but i guess now that you know, you can keep a closer eye on her. but you were going to do that anyways, weren’t you?” The elemental tilted his head at the comment, silently asking for an explanation. “c’mon. really, grillbz? i’ve known you for a long time. you like taking care of others. you like feeling needed. she sure seems like she needs someone to take care of her right now. you were going to look after her, soulkin or not.”

He sighed. It was true. “I gave her the card for the safe house,” he said.

Sans smirked. “knew it.”

“Would you be willing to be an escort if she needed one?”

Sans froze for a second before relaxing. “…yeah. i can manage that.”

((needs stuff))

#wip #my writing #unfinished #grillby x reader #undertale

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