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lamentationsofalonelypotato · 17 hours

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You Call It Madness But I Call It Love

Chapter 27: Take Me Back To The Beginning

Pairing: Soldier Boy x f!reader, Reader POV

Summary: When the reader left Payback 40 years ago after a falling out with her childhood best friend she never looked back, but when two men show up to her apartment and start asking her questions about the past, the reader begins to think those things can’t stay hidden and starts to question what’s real and what’s fantasy. This is a re-telling of The Boys Season 3, where the reader is a supe who's known Soldier Boy since 1927. The chapters will fluctuate between past and present. This is chapter twenty seven of my "You Call It Madness But I Call It Love" series. (I'm so bad at summaries please forgive me!)

Word Count: 13.3K (I tried to cut it down I promise 😭)

Warnings: I'm gonna label this one 18+ because it's Soldier Boy. Homelander is a freak AGAIN, A little bit of Oedipal Complex (It's Homelander the man is a walking Greek Tragedy), Graphic depiction of death, Dark thoughts, References to Past Trauma, Angst, Cursing, Sexual References, Family Problems- A LOT of family problems, Homophobic comment (It's Soldier Boy), Past Trauma, Death Mentioned, Blood mentioned. Soldier Boy might be, is, really, absolutely, completely a little OOC. Soldier Boy is really all you need as a warning.

Note: This is told from the Reader's perspective. Any references to the reader is made using you or your. There is minimal use of y/n. I tried my best to proofread, but nobody's perfect. Reader is described as "curvy" occasionally. If you don’t like, don’t read, but if you do like, you’re my favorite!

Internal Monologue is in first person and is in italics

Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

A/n: It's that time y'all! The final battle is finally here! This chapter was a doozy to write, there were so many things that needed to be wrapped up, but I really have loved writing this series and I really like how everything came together.

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READER POV

The building is just as cold as you remember it, the hallways are silent and empty as if they'd been cleared for this exact moment as the three of you make your way into the depths of Vought Tower.

I wonder if Homelander was the one who did it, or if someone else realized what was coming.

There was an electricity in the air like the coming storm, rolling in front of Ben, Butcher, and you like a dark omen.

Homelander is going to get what is coming to him.

Any remorse you had for him left the moment that he took Lou. There was nothing human to save, nothing left to redeem, the only thing left was the sharpened, cruel creature that Vought created from your own flesh and blood.

And if you were his beginning, you might as well be his end.

Ben was walking beside you, any softness that you'd seen outside the building replaced by the cold calculating mask of Soldier Boy, you knew all too well, but this time you didn't fear his descent into the blaze, you reveled in it. For the first time in years, you were happy to see Soldier Boy again, and this time you knew that Ben was becoming this for you, for Lou, and for Rosemary.

You hoped that this time he wouldn't hold you back from doing what you needed to do as he had earlier. Though he did seem sorry for what happened while the two of you were outside, you weren't sure how eager he was to put it into practice.

Butcher seems to know where he is going, so you fall into step behind him, not concerned as to how Butcher knows exactly where he is headed. He stops outside a massive gilded door across from a rather exhaustive statue of the Seven craved from black marble.

The double doors that lead into the main conference room at Vought Tower are made to look intimidating, but you didn't feel anything but anger and fear. Not fear for yourself, but fear of what Homelander had done to Lou and to Rosemary.

Butcher pushes open the doors with one hand revealing a large room that lacks warmth. The last rays of the setting sun send honeyed light onto the black marble floors, dramatizing Homelander's stoic figure where he stands at the large floor to ceiling wall of windows at the opposite side of the room. His gaze is focused on the city below, like a proud emperor observing his kingdom and everything he owns.

He probably believes he does.

You think to yourself, eyes skating around the edges of the room looking for possible threats, but you don't see any. The wall to your left is lined with monitors and the wall to your right also has some, but instead holds a smaller pair of black double doors.

You didn’t know what kind of tricks Homelander had up his sleeve, but you were preparing yourself for the worst. Of the Seven teammates remaining he was the most formidable. You doubted that the Deep could do anything to you on dry land and you were more than happy to turn him into a tuna roll. You were a little worried about A-Train. He was fast enough to cause a problem, but you didn't know how much. Butcher had told you not to be worried about Hughie's girlfriend Starlight, mentioned that she wouldn’t side with Homelander and that she probably wouldn't be anywhere near Vought Tower. You figured that she'd probably gone to pick up Hughie from the gas station that Butcher had left him at, but you didn't know if she would come take down Homelander.

Honestly you were more worried that she would come for Ben. You'd seen her posts on social media proclaiming Soldier Boy as a terrorist and a villain, which meant that she probably wasn't your biggest fan either. You hoped that she was far away, you didn't want to kill someone who didn't deserve it or rather someone who lashed out against Ben or you because they didn't understand the whole situation.

Butcher also seemed unsure about who would be at Vought, mentioned something in passing about his old team that included the man you'd seen back at Herogasm, but you hadn't seen anyone in the building or sensed that anything unusual was about to happen other than your plan to rip out Homelander's spine and wear it around your neck like a fur boa.

"I remember the first time I stood here." Homelander says without turning around. You could see his pristine reflection in the glass, blonde hair perfectly styled and glowing in the last few wisps of sunlight. "I hadn't seen anything like New York City before, hadn't been around so many people in my entire life." His arms are crossed behind his back, the epitome of control. "They told me it was mine. That this was what I had been bred for my entire life." He glances over his shoulder at you. "I would have been willing to share it with you and dad."

"Where are Lou and Rosemary?" You keep your voice under control.

He ignores you and turns, eyes flicking from Butcher, to Ben, to you. "You are so beautiful. When I imagined what my mother would look like I never imagined someone like you. Maybe I imagined you looking a little more motherly." The feeling of his eyes tracing your figure makes your skin crawl. "But I can see why dad loves you so much. And of course why Noir was obsessed with you."

The mention of Noir makes your blood run cold. How did he know about that? Did Noir tell him?

That was another side of this whole situation that you had considered, you had no idea where Noir was. If he had stayed at the Tower or if he had cut and run when he heard that the rest of his team was being killed one by one. You hoped that it was the first option, trying to hunt him down and find him seemed inconvenient and you'd much rather just settle this now.

"Answer her question." Ben growls, the air around the two of you heating from Ben's newfound powers and the smell of ozone begins to float under your nose. He was trying to hold himself back from stepping in front of you and hiding you behind his body, that much was obvious. You could tell how much he hated how Homelander kept staring at you.

You did too. The guy is creepy enough, does he have to turn this into a Greek Tragedy? Did he see how things ended up for Oedipus?

Homelander only smiles, the same one he had back at Legend's, wide and with too much teeth. The smile of a predator before it catches it's prey, pretty until its teeth latch onto your throat.

He's very confident for someone who has no chance of taking down both of us. Then again, maybe he feels that way because he has the two people in the world who mean everything to me.

You strain your hearing to find Lou and Rosemary, but you can't hear them. There's a low buzz being projected through the building that makes it impossible for you to hear anything else.

Interesting that he's willing to handicap us even if it handicaps him as well.

"Hello William, still standing in my way and feeding them lies about me I see." Homelander tsks his finger as if Butcher is a child.

"Jealous that your dear old dad gets along better with me? Or maybe that your mother doesn't think that I'm as big a twat as you?" Butcher breezes with an easy smile.

Homelander's right eye twitches with Butcher's taunt.

"Sorry mate, does that make you angry? That your parents see me as the son they never had?" Butcher's smile grows.

You take this moment to skate your eyes around the room looking for any evidence of your granddaughter and daughter but you don't see any. Butcher was buying you time, but you didn't know how long it would take for Homelander to be done talking and you were ready to beat the location of your daughter and granddaughter out of him.

"Where are Lou and Rosemary?" Ben shouts again interrupting Butcher. "If you've hurt either of them I swear-"

"Why would I hurt my niece? I'm not a monster. She's fucking four years old." Homelander scoffs.

But hidden in his answer is the possibility that he hurt Rosemary, and it makes your blood run cold.

"We both know that you're capable of that." You respond coldly. "You thought nothing of using her as a human shield earlier."

Homelander presses a hand to his chest as if you've hurt him. "Why mother dearest, how could you say that about your only son?"

"Tell me where they are, and I will consider letting you live." You say without emotion.

Lie.

"There she is." Homelander smirks. "There's the woman I know and love. The one I met at Herogasm had so much ferocity, such rage, and pride. I think you try to hide her behind this. When you act pathetic and human." He gestures to you as if that explains things. "Because you're afraid to embrace it."

"You don't know me-"

"Well. The saying is, like father like son, but-" Homelander's smile doesn't reach his eyes. "The woman I met at Herogasm, she's something special, and exactly like me. Not to mention the woman who killed Stan is just as ferocious, and I'd like to talk to her."

"Keep pissing me off and you're gonna do a little more than talk to her."

Homelander chuckles. "Don't tease me." He has the audacity to wink.

"Don't you fucking look at her that way you sick fuck." Ben growls.

"Why? Aren't pretty things made to be worshipped?" His smirk grows. "And if I had someone like her I sure would worship her."

Ben lunges forward, to wipe the smirk off his face, but when you reach out and grab his arm, he stops. When he turns to look at you he looks like he's ready to snap Homelander in half, a fire blazing behind his eyes that you're not sure if it's because you held him back or because he's upset over what Homelander said.

With your eyes you try to say:

"You can rip him apart after he tells us where Lou and Rosemary are."

You're not sure Ben gets it, but he doesn't advance so you assume he got some form of that.

Deep down you were worried that Homelander had already handed them over to Vought or to the government for some kind of deal. It was an all consuming fear, because yes you would fight tooth and nail to get them back, but it wouldn't be easy if you had to fight the United States government to do it.

"Ashley." Homelander says, but when no one appears he roars the name again, with so much ferocity that it echoes off the walls of the round room, vibrating against the monitors, and into the hallway behind you.

A red-haired woman appears at the black double doors on the right side of the room, looking frazzled and pale. There are pieces of her hair stuck to her fashionable black pantsuit in clumps and she's wearing a pair of crimson heels that clack loudly against the marble floors. She's got a death grip on her phone so tight that you can hear the tension of her tendons in her hand.

You remember seeing her before in the background of an interview on t.v., but never paid much attention to her. Ben looks as confused as you do at her appearance, no doubt waiting for her to start lobbing fireballs or make heads explode, but instead she drags Lou through the doors behind her.

Lou looks the same as she did when Homelander took her, still wearing the same pink polka dot pajamas, except now she's holding the hand of a boy who looks maybe twelve years old with blondish-brown hair that hangs into his eyes that you're assuming is Ryan.

The woman, identified as Ashley disappears as suddenly as she appeared and slams the doors behind her.

Probably had the right idea. This entire room is about to become ground zero. Which is horrifying because now Lou is here.

The amount of relief you feel at the appearance of your granddaughter is overwhelming, fear of her being locked away somewhere evaporating as her eyes fall on you, wide and green.

"Lou." You breathe and cross the room to get to her, ignoring Homelander's gaze that follows your every move. You drop to your knees to give her a hug, but for the first time since you met her, she doesn't hug you back. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?” She's not smiling at you, she's frowning.

"Are you my grandma?"

The question makes you freeze for a moment. Obviously Homelander had told her the truth about everything and you didn't want to lie to her again. You knew this day would come, but you didn't think that she would find out this way. If anything Rosemary and you were going to tell her when she was old enough to understand that it wasn't something she should say in public.

You didn't look like a grandmother, nor did you think that anyone would believe Lou if she said it in public, but it would reveal that you were in fact Indigo.

Then again, we're probably past that. You frown at the thought, but it was true. There was no going back. You'd walked into Vought with no disguise in front of all the cameras and you certainly were going to leave your mark here tonight. You'd be lucky if Vought didn't run the story in the morning:

"Payback Strikes Back Against the Celebrated Seven"

Of course in that story everyone would conveniently forget that Ben and you were also beloved heroes, were also worshipped and elevated in society. Funny how things like that seem to be lost in translation.

"Yes." You reach up to push back her hair and she moves her head away, her dark hair slipping through your fingertips.

"Why did you lie? Lying is mean." She whispers, hurt flashing in her eyes. "Did you not want to be my grandma?" Lou looks down at her feet clad in a pair of teddy bear slippers.

"Oh sweetie." You sigh, tilting her chin up to look at you. "I did. I am. It was just easier this way-"

"Mommy says that lying is bad." Her green eyes are watery, voice quiet.

"I know. It is. But you have to understand it was a grown-up decision and we didn't want you to find out like this." This time she lets you brush her hair back from her face. "And it doesn't mean we love you any less."

Her eyes flick to Ben. Ben had followed you over, to make sure that Homelander didn't attack you when your back was turned.

"You're my grandpa?" Lou sniffles.

"Yeah." Ben forces a tight smile for Lou's sake, but you know that he's thinking that this isn't the place for this.

It isn't.

You could still feel Homelander's eyes against your back and you were trying to fight the shudder of disgust.

"Ryan say hello to your grandparents." Homelander calls from his position by the window, his voice proud and filled with humor.

"Hello." Ryan smiles, but its hesitant and you’re happy that he’s at least able to read the room. A skill that his father didn't seem to have.

"Hi." You smile back tightly, the same smile that Ben had moments ago.

Meeting Ryan made all of this worse. You hear Homelander's footsteps as he gets closer to you and Ben mirrors his movement to block Homelander narrowing his eyes. You weren't here for a family reunion, you were here to kill Homelander and get your family back, but the thought of killing Ryan's father in front of him made you hesitate. That was something that seemed too cruel to consider, unless if Ryan was somehow shown how monstrous his father was.

Homelander holds his hands up in mock surrender. "I just want to talk this out."

You stand and push Lou behind you, refusing to let Homelander get anywhere near her again. "I thought you didn't want to talk to us anymore." You spit the words.

"I changed my mind." He forces his expression into something that looks like shame. "Maybe I got a little carried away before. But you have to understand I have been waiting to be apart of a family for such a long time and now that I have Ryan I’ve realized how important it is to have one. I'd never felt that kind of love for someone else, the kind of love that drives you to sacrifice whatever you have to save them.” He glances down at Lou who is peeking out from behind your leg at Homelander. "The kind of love you have for Lou."

He speaks like a practiced actor, his hand movements simple, rehearsed, the expressions on his face calm and collected, but you don't believe it for a minute.

"I know you said that I wasn’t your son, but I am." He says, eyes flicking from Ben to you. "I am your blood that's all that matters and now we can be a family. A real family."

"Where is Rosemary?" You ask. Lou hasn't moved from behind you.

"Please. All I'm asking is for a chance-" Homelander says ignoring your question.

"Why should we give you a fucking chance? You kidnapped Lou, you've probably hurt Rosemary or worse!" You could feel the room beginning to shake with the force of your anger, eyes shifting to purple.

"You kidnapped her, Dad?" Ryan asks in surprise.

You look back at where he was standing. Lou was still holding on to his hand and when you'd pushed her behind you, you'd also inadvertently pushed Ryan behind you too.

"I thought you said that Lou wanted to come live with us." Ryan continues looking confused. "And who's Rosemary?"

"He lied." Ben snarls, eyes not leaving Homelander.

"My guess is he does that a lot." You sigh looking at Ryan. "She's Lou's mother, your aunt. She flew after him when he took Lou. You haven't seen her?"

Ryan shakes his head.

Fuck.

Homelander ignores the question again and changes tactics, his blue eyes turning on Ben. "I understand what it's like for your team to betray you, to stab you in the back, to act like you didn't fight together, bleed together and to act like you weren't willing to die for one another. We could be unstoppable together, all of us. A family. Isn't that what you always wanted dad?" Homelander says the last part softly, enticing Ben to make that choice. "I read your file. Everything about what happened to your mother and it wasn't hard to figure out what happened with your father."

Ben's jaw clenches together and you watch his entire body tighten at the mention of his dad.

It was true. Ben had always wanted a family, always wanted someone in his life that cared for him, that he could love and be loved by, and you had made sure in all the years you'd known him that it was you. You were his family just as Ben had become your family and cared for you. It was hard to not be family to one another after all the years you'd spent together, to not care about him the way you did. It wasn't a burden to you to love Ben and wasn’t a burden for you to take up the title of family, because it was simply true.

You reach out and touch Ben's back to let him know that you’re there, feeling his muscles twitch for just a moment beneath your hand, before he glances over his shoulder at you. For just a fraction of a second you see the Soldier Boy façade drop and you see your Ben again, before something hardens in his eyes. The conversation that passes through the glance you share is absolute and quick, but he understands.

Ben takes a step towards Homelander letting your hand fall as he forces a tired sigh. "I'm sorry." He places his hand on Homelander's right shoulder.

You watch Homelander relax under the contact, the expression on his face hurts you. You didn't think it would, but Homelander looks happy and comforted that Ben was here with him. Content that Ben finally gave in.

In some ways you wished that it could be this way, that Homelander was redeemable, and that you could all be a family the way he wanted. But you couldn’t. The blood on his hands was too great and you had to stop him before anyone else got hurt.

"I'm sorry that I wasn't there, sorry that I wasn't able to teach you what I should have father to son." Ben sighs. "I think it would have helped you. I think your mother could have helped you."

"You're here now." Homelander says, looking over Ben shoulder at you, his eyes misty. You force yourself to send him an encouraging smile. "Both of you are." Homelander's voice sticks a little as he says it.

Something deep down breaks when he says that, because it’s the same thing that Ben and you had said to each other outside. As much as you wanted to hate Homelander, to push him away, another part of you was beginning to unravel, the part of you that wanted to accept him as your son. But you couldn’t because he didn't deserve that. Homelander was the monster that Vogelbaum created, there wasn’t a shred of human decency left and that meant Ben and you had to make a hard decision.

You wonder if Ben really did feel that way or if he was just doing this because he knew you wanted him to.

Ben continues to smile at him. "It would have helped you not to become a sniveling weak pussy starved for attention."

Homelander's smile falters. "Weak? But I'm your blood. Your son-"

"I know." You try to ignore the emotion that bleeds into Ben's voice when he says it. "And you're a fucking disappointment."

"What-" Homelander doesn't get the word out before Ben tackles him back away from you and Butcher leaps over the table to help him.

Ryan stiffens behind you as they do this and you look at him. "Dad?" Ryan whispers.

Lou gasps and touches the end of your shirt in fear, watching Homelander fight Butcher and Ben back, his eyes glowing an ominous red.

You open your mouth to say something to her and Ryan, but you feel a sharp pressure on the back of your neck and hear a high pitched snap. You turn your head to look to your right and see Black Noir standing there, a broken syringe that holds a clear liquid in his right hand. The tip snapped when he had tried to press it into your body, unaware that your newfound power meant that nothing could break your skin.

"Ryan, please take Lou out of here. I don't want her to see this." You say calmly, not looking away from Noir, who lowers the syringe slowly in shock.

"But-" Ryan begins to say.

"Do it now." You order turning your body to face Noir. "Hello Earving. Long time no see."

Noir takes a small step backward realizing his mistake as Ryan pulls Lou to the doors on the other side of the room.

You hear Noir try to form a word, nothing more than an awkward click and a wheezing sound. "Sorry I can't hear you." You smile cruelly at him.

"I’d say you look good but, Ben really fucked you up pretty good didn't he?" You look through the mask with your x-ray vision, seeing just how messed up Noir is underneath. "It's a miracle that you're alive. That any of you got out of there alive."

Noir drops the syringe and pulls a knife, the blade shining in the fluorescent lights.

"You know, if the syringe didn't work, I don't think the knife will either." You begin to say, but he's undeterred.

He lunges forward sweeping the blade in a deadly arch aiming for your neck, but you catch his wrist. “If I had been there you all would have suffered.” You turn his wrist at an awkward angle, listening to the sharp cracking of bone as it snaps and Noir’s wheeze of pain.

Behind you, you could hear the telltale sound of punching and crashing, but you don’t look away from Noir, trusting that Ben and Butcher have it under control.

"Before I killed Countess I had to listen to her go on and on about how proud she was about that day, how proud she was that you all stabbed Ben in the fucking back, and honestly I didn’t mean to kill her. Though I will admit I regret not making it last a little longer. The Twins begged for mercy, tried to tell me that it was a big mistake, that Ben lied to me." You shrug advancing on him. "But Ben doesn't lie to me."

Noir tries again, kicking his foot up to hit your abdomen, but your hand closes on his ankle keeping his leg extended between the two of you.

"He told me exactly what happened that day." You snarl, shoving Noir back from you so harshly that he lands on the ground. "You all turned on him. And honestly, you got off easy. You're lucky I wasn't there. Do you have any idea what I would have done to you if I had been there?" You smile and let out a low laugh. "Well I guess that doesn't matter, because you’re about to find out."

He scuffles back still on the ground, trying to crawl back, and reaches into his pocket for something. You were expecting a gun or a throwing knife, but instead he pulls out a notepad and a pen and you stop.

"What are you-" You begin to say, but Noir starts frantically writing with his only good hand.

He curls his ruined arm under the notepad to hold it steady as he forms the words on the page, and holds it up for you to see.

Did it for you.

"What?"

Noir drops the pad to write again.

Using you.

"Who?"

Him.

"Ben?"

Noir nods frantically.

Only way.

Wow he is so much worse off than I thought.

Then again, when Ben broke your heart you did think that too for a little bit. That all the years spent together had been a lie and that he was manipulating you and using you because he didn’t want to face the silence alone. It reminded you of the thing your mother shouted at you when you gave Howard back the ring and left home:

“You really think that disappointment will ever love you? Care about you? You are nothing to him, just another plaything. And the day he finally tosses you away, don’t bother coming back here.”

It makes you hesitate again and Noir sees it as an opportunity to write more on his piece of paper.

Set you free.

"You thought that the only way to free me was to send Ben to fucking Russia?"

Noir nods.

"I wasn't some fucking damsel in distress. I wasn't locked up in a tower by some dragon. I wasn't trapped-

You were.

"No I wasn't I chose to be there-"

Not happy.

"I was happy Earving."

I am better for you.

Your jaw snaps together, looking past the mask and into his scarred face. The expression in his eyes has shifted now, to something softer, something vulnerable and earnest. You remember what Stan said about Noir going through your apartment when you weren't there, stealing pieces of your clothing, and stealing your jewelry.

I did everything for you.

Noir reaches into his pocket and pulls out something that glimmers in the light. It takes you a moment to recognize it, but it's your pearl necklace, the one your father gave you when you spent your first birthday away from home. He holds it out to you and you take it from his hand. The beads are just as you remember, maybe a little yellowed with age, but still in good condition. Soft and supple against your fingertips, warmed from where they were in Noir's pocket.

Said I could have you.

"Who?"

Stan.

The name of the man you killed makes your blood run cold and for a minute you feel bad for Noir, feel bad that he believed what Stan said. Stan who told Noir whatever he could into manipulating him to do his bidding.

Stan knew that he was obsessed with me, knew exactly what to say to make sure that Noir would do what he wished. And Noir believed that I was something that Stan could give away. I didn't belong to Stan, didn't belong to anyone but me.

That was the problem with Stan after all, that he thought you were a commodity to be sold. That everyone else in the entire world believed that you were nothing more than a puppet to be used and disposed of whenever they saw fit. It was the same attitude that drove Stan and Vogelbaum to take your genetic material.

But then you left. Tried to find you. Couldn't find you. Why did you hide?

You watched Noir's shoulders slump as if it was painful for him to go through the past forty years not knowing where you were.

Could have helped you.

A chill of disgust traces its hand down your back. You wondered how long he had been stalking you and wondered how many things he still had from forty years ago. The pearls were quickly icing in your hands, a symbol of the girl you used to be, the one who walked around Philadelphia and saw the world in color, saw the good in people. You knew that she was gone, long gone. Not after everything that you'd been through in the past week, finding out about what Vogelbaum did to you changed you, finding out what happened to Rosemary with Charlie changed you into someone different.

But you didn’t hate who you had become. You glance behind you at where Ben is fighting Homelander, ducking beneath the blows that Homelander tries to land, dancing around him.

I love you.

When your eyes trace over the familiar words and see the earnestness in Noir's eyes behind the mask. A part of you breaks for Noir, understanding that his obsession with you maybe did stem from good intentions but the descent into madness that drove him to do the things he did was dark and consumed him quickly.

"Did you know about Homelander?"

Noir was still sitting on the ground looking up at you and when you ask the question you watch him drop his head to his chest in shame.

Yes.

You move the pearls to your front pocket, considering your next move. "I saved your life before from Ben, not because I loved you but because I didn’t think it was right for him to hurt you. I didn't think that you deserved to lose your life over a film role.” You murmur with a sigh “But maybe if you'd gone about this the right way I would have given you a chance."

Do it now.

"No." You shake your head.

But I love you. I'm here-

The next word is just a scribble now as you fling your hand out and Noir's body flies back into the concrete wall. It cracks around him as you increase the pressure and he begins to fold in on himself.

"If you really loved me Earving, you wouldn't have let them do that to me." Your voice sounds hollow, but you know that it's the truth. “You would have tried harder to find me every day, to tell me what they fucking did.”

“Did try-“ He wheezes in a broken voice, barely audible.

“Should have tried harder.”

"Please-" The word is only a shadow of what it should be, his injuries making it difficult to form it, and through the mask you see a single tear tracing the side of his scared face.

"Ben would have ripped them all apart if he knew what they did. But you didn't, you sat at Stan's table for forty years and did absolutely nothing. You don't get the privilege to beg for mercy. Not after the things you did to Ben, and after the things you kept from me." There’s a purple outline glowing all around him, weaving around his torso. Your hand closes, the subtle glow of purple around his body tightening more and more, his screams sounding more like muffled wheezes, different than the shrieks of pain that Stan released in his final moments. And you continue to close your hand until there's nothing left, but a ball of flesh, tissue, and bone sitting on the ground where Noir used to be. Blood flecks the floor, forming rivulets that run like rivers over the pristine black marble like the roots of a tree.

You take in a breath, trying not to go into the darkness again that surges up with Noir’s death, the same darkness that dragged you under when everything happened with Stan, but you right yourself and turn to look at where Ben is fighting Homelander.

Ben is shaking his head and rising from a pile of debris, while Homelander floats in the air holding Butcher by the throat, looking down at him with a sickening smile.

"Goodbye William." Homelander turns and throws him against the window. It shatters with the force of Butcher's body being thrown against it and his body disappears from view into the air outside of the building.

Homelander turns to look at Ben and you. Ben has a cut on his cheek from Homelander's laser vision and takes a shaky step forward, but he stands proudly, putting himself between Homelander and you.

“Dad why did you do that?" Ryan asks. "Butcher was my friend."

Your gaze flicks to where Ryan and Lou are peeking around the door way that leads to another part of the tower and you're suddenly afraid that Lou saw what you did to Noir, but she's only looking out the shattered window in horror, tears in her little eyes. She liked Butcher, thought that he was funny.

"He was standing in my way son. And we don't let anyone stand in our way do we? Even our friends." Homelander's hair is hanging in his face from the fight, suit ripped away from his chest to reveal the black bodysuit underneath, one of his golden eagle shoulder pads is missing, and he has a prominent bruise on his cheek. "See isn’t that better. No more Butcher to spread lies about me. Now we can all talk like a family.”

"Wouldn’t be too sure of that you narcissistic cunt." You hear Butcher’s voice say.

Rosemary floats into the room, supporting Butcher with one of his arms wrapped around her shoulders. She's still wearing the exact same thing she was when she followed Homelander, but now the dark sweatpants and t-shirt are ripped and riddled with what look like bullet holes. Rosemary's hair is wild around her face the hair tie that held it long gone, and she has blood flecked on her arms that you’re sure isn’t hers.

But she's there and she's alive.

You weren’t going to ask her what happened, but the wave of relief you have with her appearance obliterates the weight on your shoulders.

“We aren’t a fucking family.” Rosemary grits her teeth together, spitting the words back at Homelander.

"Mommy!" Lou says happily pulling away from Ryan to go towards her mother, who is closer to Homelander than you wanted her to be.

"How did you-" Homelander sputters.

"Get out of that pathetic excuse for a trap?" She snarls, green eyes flashing, looking more like Ben as she touches down in the room, helping Butcher to his feet. "It was easy. But you and I aren't done."

"I think we are." Homelander's eyes glow bright red, letting lose a bolt, it glances off her arm, but Rosemary crashes into him, grabbing him around the wrist to bring him down against the ground so hard that it rattles the other windows in the room.

But as she tries to bring his body against the marble floor again, Homelander breaks free and rises from the ground to fasten his hand around her throat, his eyes still glowing a sharp red that cuts through the room.

"You’re really pathetic." Homelander sighs. "I expected more, but I suppose you have no training or no practice controlling your powers."

She spits in Homelander's face and his gaze turns murderous.

"Let her go." Ben snarls, his chest beginning to glow, and this time you know that he won't stop, that he won't hold back from hitting Homelander full blast.

Homelander ignores Ben, focusing on Rosemary. "You think that you’re more powerful than me? You're not. I am the oldest after all." Homelander's voice is eerily calm. “You are nothing. Insignificant. You waste your life caring for other people and it makes you weak.”

“Leave my mommy alone!” Lou shouts and kicks Homelander in the shin.

Homelander looks down at her, his eyes still glowing.

Oh shit.

“You know, I thought you were cute at first, but you’re really just annoying.” He sighs kicks out with his foot and before you can do anything Lou goes flying out the opening in the window with a blood curdling scream.

“No!” You shout as her body vanishes just as Butcher’s had only seconds ago. You feel your body take off the ground to chase after her, but before you make it out the window, Lou comes soaring back in her little fists clenched tightly at her sides.

“That was mean.” She states indignantly.

Your eyes widen in shock, feet touching back down on the ground. She can FLY?

“Wow. I kinda expected more than you only being able to fly seeing as you’re supposed to be so powerful but I guess-" Homelander begins to say.

Lou waves her hand a purple glow coming from around her fingertips and the large table in the middle of the room jerks off the floor and slams into Homelander like a freight train. A loud “ooof” comes out of his mouth as he drops Rosemary and flies back against the wall of monitors.

“Mommy are you okay?” Lou says hugging her mom tight.

“Yes sweetie.” Rosemary says hugging her back, but even she seems as stunned by this turn of events as you do.

Yes Rosemary had said that Lou was going to develop powers, but you didn’t think it was going to happen like this or this soon. Then again you weren’t well versed in how long it took for supe children to develop them. Rosemary had developed hers when she was one year old, but you were hoping that maybe you had a few years before Lou developed hers.

“How did she do that?” Ben murmurs to you.

“I have no idea. It’s not a power I was born with or Rosemary was born with. Same with the flying-“ You whisper back. “She didn’t touch Rosemary before she did it, but-“ A horrible thought comes flitting into your mind.

The truth was you’d never used your powers around Lou, neither had Rosemary. Lou didn't know that either of you were supes. She’d never had exposure to super powers before today, hadn't watched them on t.v or been around any other supes which meant that she was experiencing all of this for the first time.

And that’s why they’re manifesting right now.

“But what?”

“She saw me use telekinesis to fight Noir. She saw Homelander fly." You murmur.

I receive powers through death, Rosemary through touch, and Lou through sight.

Holy.

Fucking.

Shit.

She could have limitless power, more than any of us, more than any supe that ever lived. No wonder Charlie was obsessed with her power. All she has to do is see a supe use their powers and-

The fear of Vought and the government comes crashing over you all over again, because you knew that they wouldn't let Lou go free, not when her ability was something like that, something that made her indestructible and unstoppable.

They'd run experiments on her, do whatever it took to try and gain that power for themselves, because who needed an army of supes when there was just one who was able to do anything?

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Ben leans towards you.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck.” Ben mutters.

“You can say that again.”

Homelander rises from the ground brushing off his clothes with a snarl on his face eyeing Lou and Rosemary before he finally turns himself towards Ben and you. "I don’t understand why you're doing this."

"Us?" You scoff trying to shake off the shiver of fear that came with the revelation of Lou’s gift. "You’re the one who kidnapped an innocent child and just tried to throw her out a fucking window."

"You should thank me!" He snaps, eyes gleaming darkly in the light. "I unlocked her abilities. Something that neither of you had been able to do. And now she really is growing into her potential." His eyes flick to where Ryan is standing by Butcher. Butcher's hand is on his shoulder. "You really turned into a disappointment too. I tried to do all of that with you and all you did was kill your fucking mother!"

Ryan inhales sharply, and Butcher's hand tightens on his shoulder. "The only disappointment here is you." Butcher's eyes narrow as he stares at Homelander. "Ryan is not a disappointment to me and he wasn't a disappointment to Becca! And it's not his fault what happened to her."

"Oh right Becca." Homelander rolls his eyes. "You've really got to get over her. She wasn't anything special. Practically brainwashed Ryan into believing he wasn't special. When he comes from a practically god-like bloodline. Judging by Lou's powers I'd say that Ryan got the short end of the stick."

"We are not gods." You spit. "Can't you fucking see that? We are what Vought created. We live, we bleed, we die, that's it. Nothing more, nothing less."

"It wasn't supposed to be like this." Homelander looks furious. "You were supposed to be my family, supposed to love me!" He looks from Ryan to Lou to Rosemary and then finally back at Ben and you. "Somebody has to like me best! Someone has to love me! I'm your blood! Your son! Your first born!"

"She's said it before and I'll say it again." Ben states from where he's standing next to you. "You might be our blood, but you're not our son."

The manic look on Homelander's face makes you anxious. He was like a feral animal backed into a corner. He knew that he had lost and you knew that there was no way to tell how he would react to this.

“Do you have any idea what I could do to you?” Homelander’s voice is more of a growl now as he begins to advance on Ben. “I am the most powerful super who ever lived. I am a god. And you are nothing compared to me.”

You step up beside Ben preparing for what comes next. “You’re nothing Homelander. You’re just a sad little boy who never grew up and became a hollow shell of a person that Vought filled with macho bullshit until you turned into a monster.” You say cooly. You were ready to fight him again, to kill him, because you knew he would never stop, that he wouldn’t leave any of you alone unless he was dead.

“I am not a monster!” His eyes are dark. “You think you’re so high and mighty? You’ve killed more people than me and at least I do it quickly. Did you enjoy it?” He smiles wide. “To watch the light fade from their eyes? To crush them into nothing while you sat back and craved their deaths?”

“The people I have killed I have killed to protect my family. I don’t do it for sport.”

“I don’t understand why you won’t just accept me! I’m your son! I’m not some fuck up disappointment! I’m Homelander! The greatest supe who ever lived. You should be proud of me! Proud to be my parents.” His eyes narrow. “Do you have any idea what I could give you? I have built an empire from nothing. Dad, you could be on top again, a household name, respect, power, money, women, anything you wanted and you’re really going to throw all of that away? For her? For them?”

Ben's eyes skate over Lou and Rosemary, and flick to you before he levels his gaze on Homelander once more.

“I have everything I need.” Ben’s voice is low and gruff squeezing your hand tighter in his as he speaks.

You feel your heartbeat stutter for a second, because Ben had said and done the one thing that you never believed that Soldier Boy ever could. After eighty years, Ben had chosen you just as you’d chosen him the night he asked you to give up everything you knew and dive into the unknown with him. And you felt the last shred of apprehension about him staying in your life crumple up and burn, because you knew that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was going to love you and stay with you for the rest of your life. If you weren’t in this situation you were sure that you would be crying.

“Fine. If you don’t wish to be apart of it, then you’ll burn with the others.” His eyes begin to glow bright red as he prepares to charge Ben and you.

You brace your body for the coming fight, dropping Ben's hand.

Everything slows down. Homelander's feet leave the ground as he starts to fly forward to kill you, the heat from Ben's chest burning the air around you, and the beating of your own heart thunderous in your ears as you feel your eyes shift to red.

But the attack never comes.

A blinding flash of golden-orange light hits Homelander in his left side, there's an unmistakable smell of burning flesh and hair, and Homelander's body is knocked off course through the wall full of monitors. There's a scream somewhere and you turn to see Rosemary, kneeling over Lou's body that lies on the ground.

And you understand. The attack didn’t come from Ben, it came from Lou. Lou who saw Ben use his powers, Lou who had the ability to replicate abilities through sight, and Lou who was so little that you were unsure what something like that would do to her.

"Lou." You gasp racing over to where Rosemary is cradling her little body to her chest.

She looks okay, paler than normal, her breathing is uneven, and you can hear the frantic beat of her little heart, but she does not open her eyes.

"Louisa?" Rosemary says, stroking the back of her head, looking into the face of her daughter, using her full name for the first time in years.

She doesn't move, stays limp in her mother's arms.

No. I can't lose Lou. I've lost so much over the years.

Tears spring to your eyes as you fall to your knees, reaching out to touch her arm. Her skin is so warm it almost burns the palm of your hand, but you don't remove it.

"Lou please. Wake up sweetie." You say, voice thick with emotion.

Lou stays as she is.

Ben's hand comes down on your shoulder and you lean into his leg, shuddering as tears begin to trickle down your cheeks.

Rosemary is beside herself, sobs shaking her shoulders, cradling Lou to her chest. "Please don't leave me." You hear Rosemary whisper.

You suddenly flash back to the day on the beach that you took the bullet for Ben, when your blood turned the sand to mud and Ben held you so tight to his chest that it almost hurt, and you thought you heard him say the same words as you felt yourself began to drift off into nothing.

Ben pulls you up against his chest, tucking your head into the hollow of his throat, his arms wrapped tightly around your waist as he looks down at his daughter and granddaughter. You shudder into his chest, choking back a sob, arms gripping the front of his suit.

"Mommy?" You hear Lou's little voice murmur.

You pull away from Ben's chest to see where Lou is still lying, her eyes blinking open, but it seems like too much effort.

"Yes sweetie?"

"Can we go home now?" Lou says. "I'm tired."

"Whatever you want honey." Rosemary sighs in relief, hugging Lou closer to her.

"I want grandpa to come with us." She breathes into Rosemary's shirt, wrapping her little arms around her mother's neck. "And grandma and Ryan." Lou says the last too so quietly that you don't think that you heard correctly, but she quickly falls asleep.

"Okay." Rosemary's eyes are closed, and she's petting the back of Lou's back.

You exhale, slowing down your breathing, still holding tight to Ben's supe suit. Ben's eyes aren't on you though, they are focused on the giant hole in the side of the building that Homelander disappeared into.

Homelander comes stumbling through holding his head. His supe suit hangs in burned tatters on his shoulders, but his skin looks unscathed. There's a large lump on the side of his temple, and he squints at Ben and you as if he can't recognize you.

"Hello." Homelander says it hesitantly. "Um. I'm sorry I don't know where I am. Do you live here?"

Holy fucking shit.

"Um." You stutter.

"Do you know who I am?" Homelander continues taking a shaky step towards where you're all standing.

"Dad are you okay?" Ryan asks.

Homelander's blue eyes flick to his son. "I'm your dad?"

Butcher is on Homelander before you can stop him, tackling him to the ground and landing a punch against Homelander's nose.

There's a sickening crunching noise and a high pitched wail from Homelander, as the nose breaks beneath Butcher's fist and blood floods down Homelander's face.

He's human now, but he doesn't know who he is. Your eyes skate across where Homelander lays under Butcher until your eyes catch on the lump on his right temple. He has brain damage from when he landed, he hit his head, doesn't remember any of this, any of us, any of who he is.

And before Butcher can land another blow you grab him by the back of the coat and throw him across the room. He checks himself mid-air and lands in a crouch, his coat billowing out behind him like a cape.

"Just hold on for a minute." You say.

"What the fuck are you doing?" He shouts, fist still covered in blood.

What am I doing? The thought was also going around in your head. You had come here to kill Homelander, to make him pay, but seeing him like this, unable to tell who he was or where he was, made this feel wrong. You couldn't put your finger on it, but it felt evil to kill someone who didn't know the reason why they were going to be executed.

"Don't touch him." You say, standing between Butcher and Homelander. Ben and Rosemary are watching you like you're crazy, but you don't let Butcher get close to Homelander.

"Why did you do that?" Homelander cries, holding his gloved hand to his nose to stop the bleeding. Tears are slipping down his cheeks from the pain.

"Ryan give me your jacket please." You hold out your hand for Ryan's red jacket who is looking at his father in total disbelief. "Here." You give it to Homelander. "Tilt your head back and press this to your face."

He does what you say, but he's still watching you like he doesn't completely trust you.

The feeling is mutual.

"You're kidding right? He's still a psychopathic maniac-" Butcher snarls advancing on you. Ben steps forward to stop him.

"I'm not going to let you kill him in front of his child and it-" You glance back at Homelander. "It's different now. He doesn't know who he is, doesn't know why he's here-"

"You don’t think he's fucking faking?" Ben shouts, glaring back at where Homelander is still standing, and for the first time you see genuine fear on Homelander's face.

I mean he is a good actor, but I don’t think that he's acting.

"I don't think he is."

Ben pinches the bridge of his nose. "Look sweetheart I know that he might be having a little bit of memory loss, but he's still Homelander. And I know that he is technically our son but this isn't like starting over. You can't redeem him this way."

"You're my parents?" Homelander asks looking at Ben and you suddenly confused. "But you're so young?"

You ignore him. "I'm not trying to redeem him and I'm not saying that he doesn't deserve to die or that we shouldn't kill him. I just think that we shouldn't kill him now when he's like this."

Ben narrows his eyes at the man who used to be Homelander. You can see the gears working inside of his head as he mulls over your logic, but you knew it meant that you had a shot of convincing him.

"Ben he's human now, you saw Butcher break his nose. He can't fake that-"

"That doesn't matter he's still the same person!" Ben sighs as if you're annoying him. "The same person that hurt Rosemary, the same person who kidnapped Lou."

"I know he's the same person, but it feels wrong to do this, to execute him for something that he can't remember. It's like killing a little kid."

"Fuck." Ben mutters it more to himself than to you as he tries again to see your logic.

Honestly, it hard to see it yourself. You had killed a few people over the years, didn't feel remorse when it came to the safety of your family, but this was different. Homelander had killed people, threatened, and tortured others but he didn't remember it. You hated that it made you guilty when if anyone deserved to die it was him.

"Fine." Ben holds up a hand. "Fine. We help him jog his memory then we kill him."

"Okay, yes that's all I'm asking." You agree.

"Wait a minute, I'm not going to agree to any of that bullshi-" Butcher begins to say, but the large doors at the back of the room open and a group of people walk in.

You recognize Hughie right off the bat, one girl as Starlight from her livestreams, the man from Herogasm who tried to gas Ben that Butcher identified as MM, but the other two are unfamiliar. One is a supe, her black hair straight and hanging around her face, but the other is a man holding a canister of some kind in his right hand with cropped black hair who smells like how Ben used to when he would shoot up and smoke whatever he could get his hands on in the 70's.

Well this is either going to go badly or go badly.

"Who are they?" Homelander says, his voice nasally from where he's holding the jacket to his face.

"What the fuck happened?" Hughie asks, looking around the room at the destruction.

"Well-" Butcher begins to say.

"I turned him human with whatever the fuck is in my chest. You're welcome." Ben lies.

You swallow the lump in the back of your throat. The last thing you wanted was for them to know what Lou was capable of. Rosemary is standing now behind you, holding Lou in her arms who sleeps quietly, curled into her mother.

"But how did you-" Starlight asks.

"I held him down telekinetically." You shrug. "Wasn't that hard."

"Huh." She frowns. "But you didn't kill him?"

"He hit his head." Butcher explains coming to stand beside you. "Can't remember a bloody thing."

"And you believe that?" MM sputters. His eyes haven't left Ben and you know exactly what he's thinking about, the night his grandfather died.

"She does." Butcher nods his head in your direction. "And she doesn't want to kill him if he can't remember why he's a fucking cunt."

MM's eyes flick to you. "Who are you?"

"You're Indigo right? The supe from the 80's who vanished?" Starlight asks.

"Mhmm." You hoped that they weren't here to fight you, but the shiny silver cannister in the shorter man's hand says otherwise. "But all of that doesn't matter now. It was a long time ago. The only thing that matters here is that Homelander is human and that no one died."

Her eyes flick to the ball of flesh in the corner that was Noir then back at you. "No one?"

"No one who didn't deserve it." Ben clarifies gruffly.

You could feel the tension in the air between the group of people standing in front of you. Ben was mirroring your protective stance in front of Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan. You weren't sure what was going to happen, but you didn't want to put them in the line of fire.

"We don't want any trouble, we're just going to take Homelander and leave." You say diplomatically.

"Who's Homelander?" Homelander says still obviously confused. "Is that me?"

Everyone ignores him.

"Wait where are you going to take him?" Hughie asks.

"I have a friend. She knows how to handle supes. She'll find a place for him." Your gaze flicks to the other female supe who hasn't said anything since she walked into the room. You didn't like that you didn't know what her powers are and did not know what to expect if she chose to fight you.

You also hadn't spoken to your would-be friend in over forty years, but you figured that she still was able to pull the same strings she had done in the past for you.

"A friend?" Butcher sounds skeptical.

"Yeah. So if you wouldn't mind letting us through-" You take a step forward preparing to push through the group of people.

MM pulls his gun. "We can't let you do that."

"Why?"

"Well for one Soldier Boy is a terrorist. He's killed people." Starlight's eyes narrow when she looks at Ben. "He's a nuclear bomb with a short fuse, who knows who else will get hurt. Not to mention he's murdered people."

"The only people I murdered are the people from our old team, everyone else was an accident." Ben replies gruffly, looking down the barrel of the gun, unfazed.

"Doesn't matter. It's still murder." The man with the gun states, his eyes narrowing at Ben.

This is not going to go well.

You sigh. You didn't want to kill them, but it was quickly becoming apparent that they weren't going to back down.

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way." The other man says in a faintly French accent, the dark haired supe beside him tensing as if preparing to spring.

"And you don't want to fight us." MM narrows his eyes at you.

Ben chuckles under his breath. "Trust me kid, it won't be much of a fight."

He's really not helping his case.

"Oh really?" Starlight's eyes begin to glow a dangerous gold, challenging you to get in her way.

You snort before you can stop yourself. "Your eyes glow, that's cute." You smirk at her, feeling yours shift to bright purple. "Mine do too."

"Annie wait." Hughie says, placing his hand on her arm. "Just let her talk for a minute."

"Really? You want me to listen to this psychopath? You see what she did to Noir-" Starlight, now Annie, gestures back to the blood stained wall and what's left of your old friend.

"If it's any of your business, you would know that he deserved it. And he started it." You say simply. "But it’s not."

"So what? You're telling us to just let you take Homelander?" She spits, eyes still glowing. "And let you leave with Soldier Boy?"

"You really think you can stop us?" Ben takes a step towards Annie, but you hold up your arm to stop him.

"I've honestly had a really bad week and we don't want to fight." You emphasize. "But we will if we have to. And trust me you really don't want that to happen."

"Then come willingly." MM says without lowering his gun.

"You know we can't do that. The last thing I’m going to do is let you lock Soldier Boy up again in some fucking lab. He's been in there long enough.” You reply.

"I'm not going to let you walk away with a ticking time bomb. He's killed people." Annie looks at where Ben is standing slightly to your left.

Like hell you're gonna take him and lock him in a cage.

"He's in control now. And I'll keep him in check."

"You expect us to trust you?" She scoffs. "You, who also have killed who knows how many people over the years."

"Could be worse." You shrug. "But the truth is none of you can stop us, sure maybe you can slow us down for a few minutes, but it won't end well for any of you. And I'd rather not kill any more people today in front of my grandchildren." You raise an eyebrow.

Annie's eyes shift back to where Rosemary is watching her warily, still cuddling Lou to her chest, and you can feel Starlight hesitate for just a second.

"Look Annie, can I call you Annie?" You let your eyes return to their natural color and wave your hand in what you think might be a friendly gesture, but your patience was wearing thin.

"No."

"Annie." You clear your throat. "The things I've done, I've done for my family. I think that maybe you can sympathize with that a little bit. And Soldier Boy well-" You glance at Ben, who is still staring down the barrel of the pistol with a stoic expression. Honestly you knew he was waiting for you to say the word to take down the group of people in front of you. "He's trying to be better and I'm going to help him, but I can't let you put him in a prison cell somewhere or in a cage or a lab."

“I can’t just let you disappear with him.” Starlight’s gaze is firm, unyielding.

You were willing to kill her if that’s what it took, but honestly you were exhausted. Emotionally. Not to mention you didn’t want to have to use the one favor you had but you were going to have to, to make your friend deal with Homelander. You hated owing her favors, they never ended well.

“We won’t disappear.”

“Why should I believe that?”

"You don't have to, but I don’t owe you anything Annie. No explanations, no nothing. Please just be thankful that this is all there is." You look at the faces of the people around her and stop on Hughie, before shifting back to her. "Do you want their blood on your hands? Because I don't. So please let us go and I promise that we won't be a problem."

"You're so sure that it's going to go your way. That you're going to kill all of us. You might be a supe but you don't know that you're going to-" MM begins to say and you finally snap.

Your eyes shift back to bright purple, energy pulsing out from your body as you unlock the anger, rage, betrayal, and hurt you felt the night you almost destroyed Legend's backyard. The bodies of the people standing in front of you lock up as your powers take control, weaving across their limbs, and shrouding them in the warm purple glow from your abilities, forcing them to their knees with their hands behind their backs. The only one you didn’t do this to was Hughie who is looking at you like you're some kind of monster.

And maybe the old you would have thought that too, but the new you wasn't phased.

Annie's body is glowing now, trying to fight the compulsion of your telekinetic abilities, but you know that she can't break it.

"That's how she knows." Ben says with a smirk. You can almost hear pride in his voice.

"Please let them go." Hughie asks you.

"I will. But first we're going to leave. Rosemary, you, Lou, and Ryan go first."

She walks around the people with Ryan in tow who looks back at Butcher for a moment, before he vanishes through the doors. "Ben take Homelander."

"Like fuck I'm going to leave you-" You turn your glowing eyes on him.

"I will be right behind you, now go."

Ben grits his teeth together, waiting another minute, but finally grabs Homelander around the arm and tugs him from the room glaring at you the whole time and muttering something under his breath.

You glance at MM. "I'm sorry for your loss, I am. I know that nothing can make up for what he did and I know that none of you want to believe me when I say this but, he's changed and he's trying to be better." You sigh. "I didn't want it to be like this."

"Wait you're not going to-" Hughie's eyes are wide and you feel Butcher take a step towards you as if he's going to stop you.

"No. Y'all don't deserve that. And I like to think that I'm still a good person. But-" You let out a breath. "I swear on my life that we won't disappear. I swear that I will do my upmost to help him and make sure that no one else gets hurt. And I'm sorry that it turned into this, but I hope that you believe me." Your expression hardens. "Because the next time you come and threaten my family or me again, I won't be forgiving and you won't walk away."

You drop the hold you have on their bodies when you make it to the elevator where your family and Homelander waits for you and you hope that they've chosen not to follow.

**************************************

"So, what do I owe you for this one?" You ask Grace Mallory, as you stand on the dirt road, surveying the Upstate New York countryside. The fields on either side of the roads were filled with waist high grass that rustled in the wind blowing from the East, wicking the sweat on the back of your neck.

The sun was rising on the horizon and it had taken most of the night to get out of the city to meet her there. It had been a long drive, but the car you'd stolen was working, for now. Rosemary, Lou, and Ryan, were asleep in the back seat and Ben were standing at your side. When Mallory had received your call she didn't sound surprised. You knew that she probably figured you would need her especially with the revelation of Soldier Boy's reappearance. She knew that you had unfinished business with him and that he'd try to find you.

She looks different than she did the last time you saw her years ago. Her hair is now more gray than blonde, pulling free from the severe bun at the back of her head. Her dark colored suit is sharp, pristene, and freshly ironed.

You'd met her in the weeks that followed Ben's supposed death, when Legend and you were planning your disappearance. You didn't know why she helped you make a fake ID and smuggle you out of the city, but she had. The favor you owed her had been collected when Rosemary went off to college, a little supe problem that Mallory's team couldn't handle. Off the books of course. You hadn’t been recognizable and you knew that no one would be able to find you.

"I'll send you my bill." Her smile is tight-lipped, but it's still there. You knew she hated supes, and sometimes you think that she tried to hate you, but you were too much alike.

"The same I'm guessing."

"Maybe." She shrugs watching the other officers escort Homelander into the vehicle.

His nose didn't look much better, it was swollen and purple because no one had set it, and he was wearing a pair of gym shorts and an oversized t-shirt that said "Ask Me About My Cats" on it. It was all you could find at the gas station Ben had stopped at in the middle of nowhere. Technically all of you had to change, especially Rosemary who's clothes were still riddled with holes and with blood splatter. You had a few splashes of blood from Noir, but not nearly as much as her. You knew that the two of you would talk about what happened to her soon, but not right now.

A bird soars overhead and joins another on the power lines hanging above the street, squawking as it settles down.

"Figures. Can't we just call this a favor for an old friend?"

"I guess I should be thanking you. Taking down Homelander, that's pretty impressive. Can't believe Butcher let you walk away with him like that." Mallory says, pressing her lips into a tight line.

Her eyes flick to where Ben is standing beside you. He hadn't said much since he pulled up, still trying to take in everything that had happened last night. You knew she wasn't ecstatic about seeing him again, the last time she saw him she'd told you about after you'd helped her out with her little supe problem and she'd asked you to join her for a beer. You didn't drink it, but you'd sat with her anyway.

When she'd gotten out of the car as you pulled up you'd heard him mutter "is that captain lesbo?" under his breath and it was the first time you'd genuinely laughed since everything happened at Vought tower.

Honestly, you felt kinda heavy on your feet. The stale gas station coffee had done little to boost your energy level and neither had the protein bar that Ben forced you to eat because he said you needed to eat something.

I better get a long vacation after this.

"He wasn't on board, but I convinced him. His team also took some convincing." You frown remembering exactly what you'd had to do to let you walk away, but you didn't feel bad about it. You knew that it was the way things had to be to keep your family safe. "You're not going to tell him about this are you?"

"Maybe. Not for a while though. I'll give him some time to cool down, have a cup of tea, let things settle." Mallory taps a text message on her phone. "It definitely changes things though."

"What does?"

"A cure for being a supe." She eyes Ben for a second. "Word gets out that's not going to be good."

"Believe me I know." You sigh.

You were trying not to think about the revelation of Lou's powers. You hadn't told Mallory that Lou was the one that took down Homelander, nor would you ever. You'd take that to your grave and if Butcher knew what was good for him so would he. You'd destroyed all video evidence on your way out of the Tower, but you were still afraid that someone, somewhere knew something that they shouldn't. Lou had woken up for a little bit on the drive and seemed more like herself after she drank some chocolate milk and ate some dry cereal, than she had when she used her powers earlier.

She just needs to get used to it. We all went through that when we got our powers. But things are never going to be the same though.

Ben nudges your arm with his shoulder as if he's trying to reassure you that he's there and you're not going through this alone. When you glance up at him, you see the corner of his lips twitch into a smile for just a half-second before going back to his stoic expression.

They really aren't going to be the same.

"Don't worry. I'll try to keep it on the down low as long as I can." She shrugs.

Homelander waves once at Ben and you as he is placed into the black Tahoe. The entire trip upstate he had tried to ask more and more questions while Ben drove, but you didn't want to answer him, didn't want to form a bond with him, not when he was acting completely different. You didn't want to get attached, because one day when he remembered who he was and what he had done you were going to kill him.

Ryan hadn't tried to answer his father's questions. You honestly were surprised that he had come with you willingly, he didn't know any of you, but he didn't complain. Plus you'd bought him a pack of state capitals and abbreviations flashcards at the gas station and he'd busied himself with running through the flashcards as fast as he could.

"Do you think he's really forgotten?" Mallory asks you.

"I don't know." You reply honestly. "I think so. But he was backed into a corner, and this may have been his only way out. He didn't like that we weren't accepting him."

"Hmm." Mallory exhales out a breath. "Just makes all of this more difficult I guess."

"It's always difficult." You sigh just as heavily.

"Yeah. Seems like it."

"At least the fucker doesn’t have any powers." Ben adds. "What are you going to do with him anyway?"

"Lock him up, see if they can jog his memory." Mallory examines Homelander as he looks through the darkened windows of the Tahoe at the three of you, still smiling. "I'll let you know if it comes back."

"Thank you Grace."

"Sure. You owe me though."

"I know." You pull absentmindedly on the end of the bright pink shirt that you had to change in to at the gas station, because your other one had Noir's blood on it. "Try to give me a little time first okay?"

"Of course." She reaches out to shake your hand and then shakes Ben's. Mallory turns to walk towards her car, before she stops and turns around. "What about Ryan? You want me to take him off your hands too?"

Ben glances back at the car where Ryan is fast asleep, his head leaning against the window, hair fanning out against the glass. "No. I think he'd be better with us."

"With Homelander the way he is, Ryan should be safe now." You look back at Grace. "Rosemary has an extra bedroom in her apartment, she can take him."

"You sure your cousin can handle a supe with his kind of powers?" Mallory raises an eyebrow referring to Rosemary as your cousin as she always does. Though you believed she knew better and just never said anything.

"Yeah. I think she's got it. Plus Ben and I live in the city too. I have an extra room in my apartment, but I just need to clean it out before he can stay with us. Ryan will be safe and maybe he'll be able to have a normal life." The thought was comforting. You didn't know too much about Ryan's background, but thought that maybe he would benefit from having a normal schedule in his life and have a normal life away from being a supe. Of course you were already thinking about ways Butcher could be in his life. It was obvious how much Butcher cared about him and how much Ryan looked up to Butcher.

You were going to call him when you got back into the city. You also supposed that you could have told him about Mallory, but when you and Mallory started working together you had both decided to keep it to yourself, saw that it was better this way.

"Alright." Mallory turns back to walk towards the car. "See you in ten years." She jokes.

When the car pulls away and drives down the street, Homelander waves at Ben and you again as you stand there leaning against the hood of the SUV you stole to get out of the city. It was easy to steal cars when all you needed to do was telekinetically turn it on.

"You didn't tell me you knew Captain Lesbo." Ben says.

"Don't call her that." You snort. "I owe a lot to her, she helped me get away from Vought."

"Why?"

"No idea." You lean your head against Ben's shoulder, listening to the cawing of the birds and feeling the wind pull and tug at your hair as if trying to ask you to play. It was a nice day, warm, but not too hot.

"Tired?"

"Mhmm."

Ben presses a kiss to the top of your head, holding you closer to him for a few precious seconds, his arm squeezing around your shoulders. "Come on Sweetheart. Let's go home." He murmurs into the top of your head.

"Home?" You murmur looking up into his green eyes, cupping his bearded cheek.

Ben's eyes are bright in the sunshine, the same color they were the day you painted him at the park all those years ago with paint splattered fingers and skirts. But it doesn't feel like any time has passed. It still feels like him and you walking the streets of Philadelphia together with warm pretzels, him crawling through your window to escape the rest of the world, him and you soaking up the sunshine along the bank of a pond, him and you drinking sour beer in a bar and singing all the way home, him and you dancing in a ballroom with the lights twinkling above, and him and you and falling asleep in the same bed bodies entwined. He's still your Ben even after all these years. You knew every smile line, every frown line, every freckle, every dimple, every dip and curve of his handsome face. His arm is still heavy around your shoulders, comforting and familiar.

"I'm already there Ben."

Ben brings his hand up to hold your cheek, the rough pad of his thumb tracing along the curve of your cheekbone. You were more beautiful than he remembered, leaving him breathless each time you smiled at him. His eyes trace the frown lines, the smile lines, the scrunch between your eyebrows, the smile on your face, and down to the parts of you that you believe are imperfections. Someone so familiar to him that he was sure he would never forget, and yet looking at you always felt like the first time, like he was a drowning man and you were the first breath of fresh air. He still saw the pieces of you he knew growing up, the girl whose hair caught fire in the sun when you painted him by a pond that was probably dry and gone, the girl who smiled at him every time he crawled through her window to escape the rest of the world, the girl who refused to let him be alone, the girl who protected him and defended him, the girl who saw all the parts of him he tried to hide from the world, and the girl who made him feel loved for the first time in his life. "Good, because I'm not going anywhere sweetheart, for as long as I live, I promise to be here."

"I'll hold you to that Benjamin."

"Forever?"

"Forever."

**************************************************************

A/N: Whew! Big chapter. Lots to take in I know!! But also really fun last moments that I just loved writing. I'm not gonna lie I was tearing up a little bit in that final scene. These characters have just meant so much to me to write. There is one more chapter coming! I know this one kinda felt a little bit like a wrap up, but the Epilogue is coming next. Stay tuned!

As always, thank you so much for reading and for all the love and support! If you'd like to be added to the taglist for this series let me know! I know that there's only one chapter of the series left, but I will transfer it to the One-shot fics I have planned for them. 😊

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#soldier boy x you #soldier boy x reader #jensen ackles #soldier boy #soldier boy x female reader #jensen ackles soldier boy #soldier boy/ben #soldier boy fanfiction #the boys amazon #the boys fanfic #homelander #soldier boy fic #billy butcher #annie january #hughie campbell

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candied-cae · 1 year

Text

And Who Are We At The End Of The World? -Family Video's Booming Business

Chapter 19/? - - - Read it on AO3

[1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16] [17] [18] [19] [20]

Word Count: 9,603

Summary: The doors of Family Video start seeing quite a few newly familiar faces. Eddie Munson, Vickie Nelson, Nancy Wheeler... They all show up looking for different things though.

More ST Fics

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The weirdest things happened over the next few days.

Well, it wasn't necessarily weird on the scale they'd all somewhat become used to. Just weird on the scale of their regular lives and what they'd come to expect from those.

Eddie had gone back to crashing with his uncle after the first sleepover he'd shared with Steve, but then he started to come by Family Video. Often. And he was really good at being there right when Robin wasn't. When it was just him and Steve and not even a single other customer in the building to focus on.

The first time it happened was on Sunday. Robin wasn't in for opening - her parents were still pushing hard on the early-morning-Mass-thing - so it was just Steve. Thumbing through the newspaper and wondering if the folks at the corporate office would fund an ad for hiring since the sign out front wasn't doing much legwork to fill the hours.

And then, without any real warning, Eddie was there.

He pushed open the door, and the bell rang through the shop. Steve was on his way to snap into customer service mode and tuck away the paper when he looked up and realized who it was. The infamous metal-loving, drug-dealing, half-dead outcast…

“Oh. Hey, Munson.”

“Well, that was a bit of a bitter welcoming from an employee,” Eddie noted.

And that's how it started.

Eddie made a game of it on that very first day. Who knows if he really classified the game as “Annoy Steve Harrington” or if that just happened to be the result of all the pestering, but that was essentially how it worked. Eddie would walk into the store, see he was the only one, and then start slowly bumbling around. Wandering in circles through the isles with no real intention. Like it was all just to waste time. Maybe it was.

And then he'd start asking Steve questions. And not questions about Steve, or the certain secret situation they were both a part of. No, they were questions about the movies. But not the kinds of questions anyone really asks. Not the kind Steve ever really had an answer to.

He'd pelt Steve with an inquiry about almost every movie on the shelves. Despite how many times Steve would tell him that he hadn't seen most of them. Eddie would just pick up the most obscure-looking tape and ask something like…

“Do you find the prominent themes in this film in line with the state of American politics today? Literal or metaphorical, I'm not picky about the presentation of the ideology.”

Since it was about the fifth question like it he'd asked, Steve rolled his eyes,“ So, the joke here is that you’re trying to sound like a pretentious asshole. Right?”

“Steve!” Eddie threw a hand over his heart. Shock painting his features as his voice rose an octave higher,” I can’t believe you would say such a thing to a PAYING CUSTOMER OF THIS ESTABLISHMENT! I am simply asking a relevant question in relation to this business you run so I may improve my overall customer experience.”

And then it happened again on Monday too. Turned out that Eddie decided to skip the first two days back since he had that concert Tuesday anyway and could get away with it. He was still resting up, as far as the front office was concerned. And somewhere around his stroll through the horror section, Eddie called to him from the display.

He held up a copy of Halloween, pointing to it while he asked,“ Would you call this one a classic for any old family of five to watch together, or would you recommend a more private viewing for mom and dad without their little one’s peering eyes?”

Steve only shrugged and flipped the page of his magazine,“ I don’t know, haven’t seen it.”

And maybe in a more practical conversation, Eddie would've been focused on the fact that Steve Harrington hadn't seen Halloween yet. Would've more honestly insisted that he needed to as soon as possible. Would've made a fit about “How can we really be friends if you don't know about Michael Myers?” But Eddie was playing a game. And his character was more like a suburban mom than the alternative guy he actually was.

So, instead, he set the movie back down and demanded,“ Well, you must know! You are an employee of this company. If I can’t come to you to make sure I don’t let my little Timmy, dear sweet Sally, and… my… my little guy…” he struggled for a third name,” Reginald?” It'd have to do. “If I can’t trust you to advise me so I don’t expose them to something untoward, then who can I trust in this world?”

“The only babies you have are named Dustin, Mike, and Lucas.” Steve counted them off on three fingers,” And they’ve seen way worse stuff than any of these flicks might have.”

“Excuse me! I also have a claim to Erica and am going through the legal procedures to gain custody of Max, Will, and El to make them my own too.” Eddie was starting to lose focus on the game, but he didn't mind that much.

“Yeah, yeah, good luck with that.” Steve hummed with a stretch of his tense shoulders.

Eddie drifted over to the counter. “I’ll win ‘em over,” he declared, leaning on an elbow and narrowing his eyes at Steve,” Won you over, and that was supposed to be the impossible part.”

Steve finally straightened up from his magazine,“ Oh? You think you’ve won me over?”

“You think I haven't?”

Eddie was even there on Tuesday. He'd mentioned the show was that night, and he had a whole drive up to Indy to make, but the rest of the band had to get let out of school before they'd head out. So, of course, he pulled that '71 Chevrolet into the parking lot right outside the store windows and set about killing time with the game that never seemed to get old.

He threw open the door, Steve greeted him with a familiar “Again?” and then he nosedived for the inspiration to kick off the day's questions. It all went how it usually did. Eddie would ask something, talking way too fast in convoluted phrases that Steve didn't even have any hope of figuring out. They were practically setting a routine.

And it might've bothered him more if it was someone else doing it, or someone doing it in a different way. If the game felt like it was about making Steve seem stupid. But it was obvious he wasn't supposed to get it. The joke wasn't “Steve Harrington is unintelligent.” The joke was that Eddie was being obnoxious and Steve was unable to walk away since he was the only one running the register.

He was “trapped in the clutches of capitalism” and “the bearer of lonesome responsibility” Eddie had said once when Steve asked how he was getting his kicks out of it.

It made the time pass by, at least. Eddie had already been running around and playing his game for over half an hour when he'd migrated back to the scary movie section. He hung around that part of the store most often, to no one's surprise.

That time he'd grabbed The Shining off the shelf and deemed it his latest victim (aside from Steve himself).

“How would you rate the special effects? Is the fake blood too runny or too bright or does it look pretty accurate? What about the madness- or even the violence itself? Does it look real enough to make someone like you squirm in your seat?”

“Don't know, don't care,” Steve said, pretty much automatically. Then his face scrunched up as he thought,” And I've seen real violence, I don't think I'd be squirming over something playing on a tv screen.”

Eddie's arms fell down and he rubbed his nose bridge. “Okay, come on. That one was a total bait pick. You're seriously telling me you haven't sat down to see the rivers of blood drown out the hotel's hallway?”

“Well, it sounds like to me you just spoiled the whole thing, so I guess I'll never need to.” Steve reasoned.

“Steve! That is not a movie-ruining giveaway and you need to watch some of these!”

“I watch some of 'em…”

Steve was getting grumbly when, just as Eddie was gearing up to demand a horror-movie-marathon or something in that vein, a customer walked in.

A high schooler. Even though there was still some time before classes let out. But it was Ashley Brahms and she was sort of known for finding ways to skip out at the end of the school day. She strode in under the bell, her purple sweater puffing around her hands where they pushed open on the handle of the door. She quickly noticed both Steve and Eddie being at the same place at the same time. Something to be considered an oddity in the days of Old Hawkins before its latest tussle with monsters.

Course, the common people didn't know how much had really changed.

So she just looked at the two of them. A slight wideness to her eyes as she took in the strange sight. “Huh, first time to see the twin victims together,” she commented. Quietly, almost under her breath. Something she was saying mostly to just herself as the glass door came to close behind her.

There was also that.

They became the “twin victims” to explain the scars. Everyone had figured it’d only be a matter of time before Steve got with a girl and she’d notice the massive expanse of newly traumatized tissue he'd collected over the last few weeks, so they started a story to excuse it. Said he was camped out in the woods with everyone during the whole Eddie-on-the-run thing, and they ran into a bear. A black bear, Dustin had insisted. Course, he “fought it off,” but not before it did some damage. They added that Eddie fought it with him too, seeing as he had the same scars, and it could only help his image to have nearly died protecting sweet girls like Nancy Wheeler and Robin Buckley.

Well, that was one rumor circulating around town. There was a second that started just after saying that they’d just gotten so drunk that they passed out and something more like a badger tore into them before they woke up, and the bear was just a coverup to make them seem cooler. Which was fair, seeing as they don’t really get bears anywhere in Indiana or most of the states around it. Plus, the point of the bear story was specifically for people to discredit it with a more truthful idea to make smaller rodents like what they'd told the hospital seem that much more likely.

But, surprisingly, there were a few faithful girls who would whisper about how even a bear migrated across some great distance for a taste of Steve Harrington. Which was a compliment. And probably should’ve boosted his ego a lot more than it actually did. It didn’t do much except remind him how uninterested he was in meaningless sex those days.

But that whole train of thought was way beside the point.

The point was, Steve and Eddie had sort of been tied together that way. In the eyes of public opinion, they were paired together as the reckless boys who went into the woods and got themselves fucked up before the earthquake. It was a fine cover story. But it did feel a little awkward just having some person say it like that.

Eddie pushed off of the counter and said he should probably head off. It was almost time to pick up his crew. Steve just gave him a wave as he went out the door, empty-handed. He never really rented anything, no matter how much time he spent asking fake questions.

Whatever. Eddie Munson's business was Eddie Munson's business. At least it made a couple of shifts go by faster when Steve was without Robin.

It was never about movies. There was never any intent from Eddie's side of things to check one out. It was about not being alone.

Eddie didn't want to go back to school yet, but he also didn't want to be alone. Sitting on his ass, waiting for something to happen to give him a reason again. He might've been going a little crazy, but there were a few times he was laying in that hotel bed, empty room because Wayne was still pulling overtime shifts, and he sort of missed the way he felt when everything was falling apart.

Not the bleeding out. That part didn't feel good. But everything leading up to it...

He was scared out of his mind. Thundering heartbeat and sweaty palms. Terror was at the forefront of every thought. But… there was purpose. He had something to do, something important. Something that mattered. People counting on him.

And in those minutes before the bats circled up, he'd have been lying if he said he didn't sort of want to laugh through some tears. It was a confusing blend of adrenaline that pumped through his bloodstream. But there was that tiny little part of it that felt good.

But it probably wasn't a good idea to linger on too much. Becoming an adrenaline junkie wasn't really a good life plan. As if that was even the only part of it that Eddie remembered fondly.

When the bell rang through the building, echoing into the tiny teacher's parking lot out the back, there was something else to think about. The sound just barely leaked beyond the school's walls, but it wasn't very long until the double doors were thrown open. His merry band of freaks poured out with backpacks slung over their shoulders and radiant smiles spread across their faces. Only took about five seconds of freedom for Bruce to shake Jeff by his shoulders and let out some kind of battle cry as they made their way over to Eddie.

The Corroded Coffin team was trailed by the young members of the wider Hellfire Club. They all circled up on the van and beat open hands against the outside until he climbed out. They were all hyped up and bursting with energy and excitement. Eddie almost felt bad for the teachers that had to deal with them towards the end of the day.

“Duuuuuude!” Gareth yelled, grabbing Eddie by the arm and yanking him the rest of the way out onto the asphalt.

“Duuuuuude!” Eddie responded with the same inflection.

“It's happening!” Gareth continued, wide-eyed like a kid on Christmas morning.

“I know it is!”

“Ahhhhhhhh!” he screamed with the biggest grin while Josie slung an arm over Gareth's shoulder and started yelling with him.

It was going to be one hell of a road trip on the way up to the concert, that was for sure. Eddie was close to accusing them of robbing a candy store and riding a sugar high the whole way. Well, the five members with tickets were smiley and sweet. Some others were a little more sour.

“It's so not fair,” Dustin said from the side. Grumbling. Standing between Mike, Lucas, and Will watching the older kids start to celebrate their plans for the night. The plans they didn't get to join in on.

To be fair, the freshmen weren't on the guest list for the evening. They hadn't really been invited, so sure, they had a little right to be grumbly. But, come on, it was more of a field trip for the band. It just so happened that every member of the band was also in Hellfire Club.

So they'd only been, like, halfway excluded.

“Hate to break it to you like this, but none of you kids even showed up to auditions. Much less make the band and scored an invite.”

Plus Eddie was considering this a little bit of a send-off before he buckled down and finished off the year to break for the graduation stage. And with Jeff, Gareth, Josie, and Bruce, he'd known them more than a couple of months.

He liked his little sheepies, yes. Didn't mean they got to come to a show on a school night with him. He didn't want to play babysitter with all his free time.

“Well, do you have concert money?” Jeff countered the kid's bad mood,” And not just the amount we paid in advance, you kids would be paying door prices if they even still have any left.”

“And it'd be rude not to pitch in for gas and road trip snacks,” Gareth added.

“And you'd need to get last-minute permission from all your parents. Cause I am not getting hit with a kidnapping charge after all the shit I just got off my record.” Eddie leveled the last of any complaints they might've had.

In the back of his mind, he wondered if there might be an opportunity for something with The Party. A closer show with a lot more notice. He'd keep his ear to the ground. But that night was not about palling around with the kids who almost watched him die. It was about getting away from all the shit for just a few hours.

“Grow up a little in time for the next one, and then we'll talk.” Gareth teased.

Mike only huffed when Jos told him that going green with envy wasn't a good color on him.

Will didn't have much dog in the fight. He was still new. Finding his footing. And Lucas didn't seem to be getting as much of a kick out of Dustin's play protests. He was probably more focused on getting back to Max's bedside than earnestly going to a rock show.

“I just said it wasn't fair.” Dustin bristled.

“Dusty, Dusty, you'll survive.” Eddie chastised him, his hand finding the boy's head of curls,” It's not even really your scene, lil' man. Study up until you stop wanting to change what I play in the van and maybe-”

“Who cares!” he was getting defensive. “Well, we're all going to hang out, and you should really be jealous of our plans!

Bruce was the only one that didn't really bite back his laugh. Eddie just nodded for them and started trying to turn them around. Point 'them back to the school so they could go, find their bikes, and head off for home. Behind him, the bandmates started climbing into his van.

“Send tonight's babysitter my condolences. And ask your folks to spring for a raise for the poor fucker, yeah?”

“Lucas, Will, you're our shining roses between the thorns! Don't forget that and get crabby like the other two!” Josie yelled, hanging out from the back door while Eddie ran to hop into the driver's seat.

“They are plenty crabby!” Mike argued. “They just act nice for you!”

“And we thank them for that.” Bruce agreed with the slam of Eddie's door,” See ya!”

Eddie only turned around long enough to promise “We'll tell you all about it and show off our merch tomorrow! Make sure you're all tucked in by bedtime!” before peeling off from the school.

The boys were still yelling after all of them. And they erupted in laughter in the van as Eddie made for the highway. Josie was fanning her face, saying she didn't want to laugh so hard she cried and ruined her eyeliner so early in the night. Jeff was Eddie's co-captain in the passenger seat, twisted around to look at the other three in the back and picking which tape they were going to begin the drive up on. Bruce mused about poor Mr. Hank bartending at the hideout. Having to make it through the night without his usual Tuesday entertainment. They all laughed and agreed he was probably going to make some comment the next week about not really missing his usual headache while they were out of town.

“It was weird, Rob. We were just having our usual banter-”

“Still getting used to the idea that you and Eddie have “usual banter” when I'm not around.” the girl commented from her perch on the counter.

“Whatever.” Steve moved on,” It was just any other day, he showed up to annoy me - had been doing so for a little while - and then Ashley walked in. Like twenty minutes before school let out.”

“Brahms?” Robin quirked her head to the side.

“Yeah, obviously Brahms. And she just paused, looked at us, and whispered under her breath 'Oh, look at that. First time seeing the twin victims in the same place. That's new.' Or whatever. And then Eddie turned tail and left me alone to fend for myself. I swear she was just silently staring at me the entire time she pretended to browse.” Steve feigned a shiver,” And she only got out of here right before I needed to close shop for a few to run and pick you up.”

Robin put on a big pout,“ Did scary Ashley give you the heebie-jeebies?”

“Ugh. You could at least have a little sympathy for me. Turns out I'm a 'twin victim' now. A victim. They made me sound like some weak pushover.”

She could only shrug,“ We knew our story would run wild through the rumor mill and probably change a little. Word of mouth is hardly a sure thing to bet on.”

“Fine. I'm still mad about it.”

“What were you hoping for? Something more like Steve 'The Bear Slayer' Harrington?”

“No. But being twin victims with Eddie Munson was not my idea of a happy ending.”

“The unforeseen consequences of postponing the end of the world.” Robin hummed to herself. “You were looking for a change of pace with how people usually regarded you anyway. I think this is an opportunity-”

But Robin's thought was quickly swept away when the bell above the door rang. Immediately, she started to slip off of the counter and welcome the customer, but then she saw that it was Vickie. Her Vickie - well, not exactly her's - but Vickie Nelson. And the girl walked in like a vision, backlit by the sun streaming in through the windows. Her short red hair sticking out from her face in its cute little curled-up-at-the-ends sort of way.

Steve was still just beside her, but she almost forgot. Because Vickie was there. Smiling. Cheeks dusted in a red-tinted flush. Her teeth just barely peeked out as she tried to control her grinning lips. Big doe eyes looking up at her with a pretty shade of blue.

“Hey, Robin,” she said as she came closer. Stepping up to the counter that separated the two of them.

Okay, Robin. Don't ramble. Try to focus and keep it together.

“Hey. Hey, Vickie. So you found where I make a living.”

That was a dumb, dumb thing to say. Why couldn't she think of anything cool to say? Why was she so woefully understocked on witty one-liners? Was it too last-minute to ask God to throw a couple down for her?

“Well, yeah.” Vickie nodded slowly,” You did mention it on Saturday.”

“Right. Of course, I did. Sounds like me. Always talking about my job with my bestest buddy.” She elbowed Steve with more force than she was trying to, speaking over his low grunt,“ Welcome to the video store. The Family Video store, to be specific.”

It just kept getting worse.

Vickie looked a little put-off. Maybe not exactly displeased by the welcome, but more like it wasn't what she was expecting. Maybe it wasn't what she was looking for after showing up.

She tried to cover up her expression of slight confusion. “Thanks? I'll, uh, I guess I'll take a look around…?”

Vickie had just gotten around the corner of their rom-com display when Steve grabbed Robin's arm and yanked her a few more feet away. “You're crashing and burning, Buckley,” he whispered behind his hand.

“Don't say that to me right now!” her hushed tones came over fast and panicked, just dampened enough to not be overheard. “She surprised me! I haven't planned for her ambushing me here! What do I do? What if she wants to check out a tape and I have to cash her out and then I accidentally touch her hand in a way that's too much or not enough and she figures it out-”

“Chill out.” Steve's hands squeezed tight on Robin's shoulders.

She didn't have a game plan, and she was already spinning out of control. She wanted a strategy and to have it all figured out before she did anything, but Steve was starting to think she was only getting in her own way. He took a quick glance at Vickie before making his own decision.

Something about momma birds having to push their babies out of the nest to make them fly.

Steve shoved her away so they weren't so crowded into each other's faces. “Uh, hey, Robin?” he said, loud enough to reach across the store.

“Yeah?”

“Don't you think it's time for your fifteen?”

“What? I just got here-” She didn't get the hint until Steve's eyes widened to a worrisome degree, and she realized he wasn't blinking. “Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I could take it now.” She finally got on the right track and started to walk back toward the counter.

But then she turned back around to him,“ You good here?”

He could've almost rolled his eyes. “We're still a downtown deadzone. I'll be fine.” Steve told her, unwilling to let her talk her way out of it.

“Okay. Okay.”

Vickie was back beside the register by the time Robin turned away from her co-worker and started shrugging off her work vest,“ So, you're getting off for a few?”

“Yeah. Fifteen-minute break. Gotta take one every shift. Sometimes two if it's a long one.” Shut up, Robin. She got that part.

She smiled wider and Vickie let her eyes wander a little to the side,“ Well, since you're free, if you don't already have plans for-”

“I don't.” Robin sounded a little too eager. “No plans. I'm free for anything. Anything that takes fifteen minutes or less. Obviously.”

Short statements and strict posture. All her effort trying not to ramble through run-on sentences before she really planned where they were going was making Robin sound snippy. And she didn't want to sound snippy. But it felt like the only two modes she had were the hyperaware quips or the mindless rambles.

If she and Steve could just fuse together and even out their personalities already, she have let the Steve half take control for that part. But that science fiction dream wasn't a reality yet. She didn't have the option to step back and let someone else carry the responsibility of her love life.

She just had to try on her own. Win or lose, it was going to come down to her. And that was scary. Really, really scary. But at least Vickie sort of seemed to be helping out. Making the first move.

“Okay. We could go on a stroll down the boardwalk then? In-In case you need to stretch out your legs?”

Vickie reached her hand up and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. Robin had the passing thought that she wished she could've been the one to do it. But, more importantly, she needed to accept the offer.

“Yeah. Totally. If you're cool- I mean, if you wanted to get a movie first then we could do that and then-”

“Not really. I more so just came for the company.”

Was that…?

“Cool. Uh- yeah. We can go on a walk then.” Robin had to get out of there. “I'll be back, Steve!” she called over her shoulder, following behind Vickie as she pulled back the door.

“Yeah, I know you will. Now get out if you aren't going to stock shelves.”

And that comment felt as close to a proper send-off as she was going to get. Robin waved behind her without looking. Trying to focus on the girl in front of her, and just trusting that her best friend would watch her back while she stepped up to the high dive.

What? So, she picked up a couple of competitive swim references? Big deal.

The two girls stepped out onto the sidewalk together. Letting the door close behind them with the quiet jingle of the bell. Most of the businesses on the strip were still pretty empty. The Downtown Deadzone, Steve hadn't been wrong. It was a pretty apt name for the time being.

They walked alongside the street. Robin on the outside, between Vickie and the road. Passing by the arcade and its vacant parking lot. The laundromat across the way. The newspaper office was back behind them by the sandwich shop and general store. Further down sat a pizza parlor on the corner and a local butcher. A UPS store. A hair salon.

They were all these little points of contention for the small town. Spots that used to be lively and bustling, but faded from view when the mall opened up. And then that went out in a blaze, so their downtown came back to life. Like a little shock from the defibrillator. And then it all died down again. Because the world ended for like forty-seven seconds, haven't you heard? Most of the city got scared back into their homes.

So it was quiet. Almost felt private, despite being on a city street. Cars used to pass by these buildings all the time. But at that moment, none of them were.

“Thanks for stealing me away from work for a bit.” Robin eventually said. They'd both gone a little quiet after they left the store. Maybe Vickie hadn't planned it all out beyond getting Robin all to herself.

“Well, you were going to get the break anyway,” she excused,” With or without me.”

Robin curled the hand in her pocket into a tight fist. She told herself she'd only get so many chances. She had to be a little bit brave with some of them.

“I definitely prefer it this way, though.“ she said.

Was the water steady enough? Was her taped-together boat going to capsize or survive the current? Was she going to be ripped to pieces by the rapids? Lose, to the rushing river, all the parts of herself she'd barely scraped together enough to hope with?

“I do too.” Vickie returned.

Maybe she wasn't. Maybe there weren't any rapids at all. And it was more like a smooth summer lake. Like Lover's Lake, when it was being used as an actual date spot and not as a hub between planes of existence.

“Well-” Vickie started to backtrack,” I stole you away from your job, so you aren't doing the same thing for me - I didn't really have anything better to do right now in comparison. Not to say that I just see this as something to do over having nothing to do and that's all - and if I did have a job, I'd be more than happy to let you convince me to take an early break!”

When Vickie looked back at Robin, she was blushing. Furiously.

“Sorry. My point is, I prefer spending my time this way too. With you, over not with you.” She paused, rucking in a gulp of air before she dare asked,” You know?”

“Yeah. I know.” Vickie's face softened in response,” I agree. I agree to your agreeing with me. Because I've started liking spending my time with you too. A lot.”

“Good. I feel bad, I'm taking up all your time bumbling on about technicalities-”

“Don't. I'm trying really hard not to become a runaway train of words too.” Robin assured her,” But it's really cute when you do it. I feel like I sound like a skipping record when I really get going. Buzzing around and jumping between my sentences before I've really finished any of them. I can really become a mess that's hard to nail down or keep up with.” Robin laughed through her words at herself,” I was just talking to Steve about it the other day. We were saying it'd be good for the both of us to split the difference between the two of us. I could take some of his cool, suave, impressive traits- and he'd get my dashing good looks. Obviously.”

Robin was anticipating a laugh. Or a chuckle, or a giggle, or some kind of sound to tell her that her comedic timing wasn't off. It was only when she didn't get any that she turned her gaze back to Vickie. To see the girl watching her. Seriously. Eyes full and attentive.

“I don't think you need to split any difference with Steve Harrington.”

Wow. How was Robin going to survive Vickie saying something like that?

She felt her chest swell up. Warmth settled into her lungs and she wondered if she was breathing right. If her face was about to go blue because of the short circuit making her switch to manual efforts. Every step, every breath, every blink, every move, every beat of her heart was pulling her attention.

Did she need to pinch herself and make sure she wasn't dreaming?

“He's just better at the whole 'talking to pretty girls without digging yourself into a deep hole' thing than I am. Sometimes I want to steal that skill of his.”

Okay, she might've been focusing a little too much on the blinking part, because that was more than she meant to say. It was more direct than she intended. More outwardly sapphic than she planned.

But it was out there. And it was up to Vickie how it landed.

“Pretty girls?” she asked,“ I'm a pretty girl you need to worry about impressing?”

Somewhere in the back of her mind, a more scared Robin was warning her it was a trap. That it could all go wrong. But louder than that little version of herself, there was a newer version pushing her to go for it. A Robin she didn't know she could be until recent months.

So Robin slowed her stride and she said to the sweet little redhead next to her,“ Would it be bad if I said you were?”

“No.” Vickie spun around on her heels to look back. And there was this look that Robin had never seen before. Never been the recipient of. It was hard to define, but it was so, so special.

She stepped a little closer, daring herself to get to that big question she'd been advised to ask.

“Vickie, where is this-“

But before she could get the rest of it out, before she could ask where that thing between them was going, her lips were stilled by Vickie's. She had suddenly rushed in on Robin to steal a kiss. Edging onto her toes, eyes closed, hands on Robin's arms. It wasn't much more than a peck, but for Robin, it stopped time.

It was her first kiss.

Her whole world turned over in an instant.

And, when that instant passed, Vickie stepped back onto her heels. She opened back up her eyes and seemed to take a second to realize what she just did. She let go of Robin's arms while the girl was still love-struck and dazed. Mind slowly working over the incredible news that being kissed by Vickie carried. And then Vickie started panicking.

“Oh my god-” her eyes were wide and her mouth fell open, her jaw shaking just the slightest,” I-I am so sorry, that was-“

But then Robin kissed her.

Deeper. Sweeter. Longer.

To stop her from regretting or retracting what she just did.

Robin cradled Vickie's face in her hands. Feeling her burning cheeks on her fingertips. Reaching back to just barely touch the little wisps of her hair where it came untucked. Their noses pressed beside one another's. Vickie leaned her head over, and they both heard the little plastic clack of her earrings.

Robin swept the girl up in the moment as they turned further around the corner of the building at the end of the strip. And Vickie pushed harder back against her lips. Soon onto her toes again, despite Robin ducking her head down to make them the same height. Vickie's arms wrapped around her shoulders, wrists crossing behind her neck as the two of them came closer and closer together.

Robin's second kiss was pretty great too.

It was amazing. It tasted like strawberry chapstick. It smelled like powdery floral perfume. It felt like the sun on her skin and Vickie in her hands.

And Robin had never been so thankful that an earthquake cleared half the city to make it all possible.

Nancy Wheeler could feel each of her limbs hanging heavily off her body. Every inch of her was exhausted. Her eyelids kept trying to fall, her eye bags had to weigh almost ten pounds, and soon enough her eyeballs were going to burn so bad she'd entertain stupid, senseless, insensitive thoughts like “I'm almost jealous of all the Vecna victims” because at least none of their eyes had the ability to hurt anymore.

Yeah, she was sort of reaching her limit.

Sleep still wasn't coming easy. If she managed to fall asleep at all, it was restless, and she was back up, covered in sweat, after just a few hours. It was wearing her thin.

A person needs sleep. Especially when that person likes to usually have a good attitude about things. Or, at least, when that person likes to seem like the kind of person who has a good attitude about things.

In any news, Nancy was in a bad mood and feeling the full brunt of so many sleepless nights layered on top of the stress of responsibility hanging over her head.

She was starting to run out of hope. But, the one thing she knew was that she was tense. She was freaked out, and on edge every time she started to doze off. Even more so every time she snapped back up. So, her tactic - since the hot baths and counting sheep, weren't working at all - was to try something that might not have been relaxing, but shouldn't let her stay all tensed up.

Maybe something funny would help?

That was the latest theory, at least.

So she decided to swing by Family Video before she went home. To find a comedy she could push into the tiny tv in her bedroom and watch on low volume until her eyes finally closed again. Honestly, maybe she was going to be so delirious by the time it happened that it'd be funnier than anything she'd ever seen.

She pulled her car into the lot between two others. One was Steve's and the other looked a lot like the car she saw Vickie drive just a few days before. She really needed to get her faculties straightened out if she thought she was seeing the same car all over town all of a sudden. What was that called? Synchronicity?

Nancy climbed out of the station wagon with a huff, brushing back her bangs from her face and setting her mind to its task: find a funny movie, say 'Hi' to Steve and Robin, get home, make it through the next few hours, and crash.

She really, really wanted to crash already.

“Oh. Hey, Nance.” Steve greeted her. A friendly face, if not a little surprised, as she walked in the entrance.

“Hey, Steve,” she responded politely,“ Got anything good around here?”

“Well, that depends. What're you looking for?”

“A comedy. Something funny. Light-hearted.” And something in the back of her mind said she needed a reason. An excuse. Something to blame her need on. “The Wheelers are setting a new family tradition. Movie night.”

“Ah. After all the running around, your folks decided they wanted to keep an eye on you and Mike on a… Tuesday night?” Steve's voice peaked at the end. Like he just thought about how Tuesdays were a bit of an odd day to start something like that. Fridays or Saturdays would've been the most obvious pick. Obviously, Nancy.

She resisted the urge to rub away at her tired eyes and just shrugged,” My dad said he got the idea from a guy at work yesterday and told me to pick something up this evening.”

“Fair.” he nodded and eyed different parts of the store while he thought,” Okay, moving on, so we're also looking for something age appropriate for Holly…”

“Maybe,” Nancy grumbled, thinking that a flick more Holly-themed might just be a drag to put herself through.

Steve smiled and laughed a little,“ Well, I'm assuming she's invited to the family movie night?”

“Of course. Duh. She gets to come. She just- uh- she falls asleep like five minutes into anything on the tv after seven. So if it's a little less kiddish, that's fine. Don't need cartoons to cater to her or anything. Just… something funny. For a change.”

“Okay. Sounds like we'll be checking out this section of tapes then. You guys want something new or one that's been out for a while?”

“It's fine if it's been on the shelves. Maybe something with some nostalgia would strike the right note.”

“Alright…”

Steve sorted through some of the tapes for a few minutes. Picking one up and weighing it against another, offering Nancy a couple that seemed to fit the bill. Eventually, they settled on Freaky Friday. Steve walked them over to get her checked out. Punching in keys on the computer and opening the register. He was handing Nancy back her change when she realized something.

“So, where's Robin? Thought you two said you were pretty much always on the clock together.”

“Oh, we are-”

“Is she not working today?”

“No, she is-”

And then the bell behind her rang. With a glance over her shoulder, Nancy found Robin. Right next to Vickie. So that was Vickie's car out front.

Good to know she wasn't losing it.

And Nancy couldn't tell why she felt more annoyed than she did five minutes before. But she did.

The two of them strolled in together. Looking at each other and giggling with bright red cheeks. Maybe she was just in that kind of bad mood where people in good moods seem that much more irritating. Maybe she just didn't have the bandwidth to have a good attitude or pleasant disposition anymore. Maybe she just needed to get some goddamn sleep so she could be a good person again.

When Robin tore her eyes away from the girl at her side, she finally saw Nancy standing there at the counter.

“Hi, Nancy!” she greeted.

“There she is. Just getting back from her break.” Steve finished his thought.

“Ah. Makes sense.” Nancy responded. Trying for as much energy as she could muster at the moment. “Hi, Robin.”

“Picking out a flick for the night?” she wondered,“ Hosting a get-together?"

“The Wheelers are going under house arrest for at least… “ Steve checked the back of the tape case before handing it over with Nancy's receipt,” Ninety-Five minutes tonight.”

Robin nodded wisely,“ Ah. A family movie night. Supplied by the Family Video store. Adds up.”

“Yup. We're a pretty sensible bunch.”

Vickie didn't wait very long to chime in,“ Anyway, I better be off.”

Steve was just starting to ask,“ Are you sure you don't want something?" when she insisted otherwise.

“I'm good. Have a good shift guys.”

“Thanks! See you tomorrow?” Robin wondered, a sort of soft lilt to her voice as she did.

And Vickie glowed as she agreed,“ Sounds good.” Sparing just a second to extend the goodbye to the other girl in the store,” Bye, Nancy.”

“Bye, Vickie.”

Nancy returned the sentiment. It would've been bitchy not to. She wasn't entirely sure why she felt the need to remind herself of that before she did. Maybe she really, really was at her limits with her no-sleep thing.

But she was still attentive enough to catch the way Robin and Steve eyed each other. Like they were speaking without words. She sort of felt excluded. But immediately after, Robin shook out her shoulders and looked back at her.

“So, what's on the night's docket, Nance?”

She held up her purchase without further delay.

“Ooh! Freaky Friday, I haven't rewatched that one in forever.” Her mind ran for a moment before she continued,“ You know, as unrealistic as the whole prospect is, we see insane stuff so often enough that I feel the need to worry. About being in that spot myself. All the money in the world wouldn't be enough to make me okay with switching bodies with my mom.”

She leaned against the counter beside Nancy. Probably envisioning the chaos Miss Theresa would wreck spending a day in her shoes. Steve wasn't far behind in entertaining her hypothetical. Equally displeased by the idea.

“Agreed.”

“Obviously it'd be even weirder for you, mister.” she reached forward to shove his arm. “Mrs. Harrington in your teenage boy jeans? That's gross. But, more similarly, what about body swapping with your dad?”

That was all it took for Steve's whole face to twist up in a cringe,“ Ugh, please don't ever put that idea in my head ever, ever again.”

“What? It's a fair question! Keeps the stakes the same, anatomically, I mean. Don't you think so, Nance?” Robin looked to her for backup.

“It's reasonable enough.”

“See! And what about you?”

“Me?”

“Yeah, you. Getting cursed with the big switcharoo with your mom. Sound like the worst day ever or just kind of an inconvenience?”

Nancy let out a weak, pitiful, awkward sort of huff,“ I think I'd rather fight the demobats again than watch my dad lean in for a kiss with his morning coffee.”

“Oh my god, I wasn't even thinking about that part.” Robin practically squealed. Diving her face into her hands to try and block out the idea. The sight made Nancy laugh something a little bit more real.

“You know,” Steve posed,” Now that we're all unpacking this, maybe that movie belongs in the horror section. Nance, want to find something that actually counts as a comedy?”

“I think I'll just take my chances with this one. Thanks.” Nancy smiled,“ So what movie did Vickie get?”

“None. She just kept me company on my break for a little bit.”

“Oh. Sounds nice.”

Then, from behind her, Nancy heard the doorbell ring again. Steve smiled past her and welcomed the customer that just came in. It was some adult she didn't recognize. Whatever. She got what she'd come for anyway.

“You know, I should probably head out too. Have a good one.”

“You too. Hope the movie's good!” Robin called after her as she backed up to the door.

“I hope so too. Bye.”

Nancy waved and pushed herself outside. Turning around and tossing her tape into the passenger seat when she got into the car.

She was having a bit of a time putting a word to it. How she was feeling. Whether it was better or worse after coming to the store. Maybe it was more like a rollercoaster with a couple of lifts and dips to her mood. Maybe she was just stuck feeling all muddled in her emotions until she got some rest. Maybe this was her new normal.

She threw that thought away and turned the keys in the ignition.

Her current state lasting much longer? That sounded like the real nightmare.

It took a little while for the store to clear back out. But, once Steve knew they were alone, he couldn't very well help the fact that he had to know what happened when Robin and Vickie went on their little walk down the street. He say the way she absolutely glowed when they walked back in together. Steve had never been good at waiting for what he wanted, and what he wanted was an update on what was possibly the first lesbian love story blooming in their small town.

“Spill.” That was all he needed to say. Demanding tone laced with so much pure excitement it couldn't come across even a little bit mean. There was so much hope and optimism.

And in the most surprising turn of events, Robin had the ability to live up to that optimism.

But, she still liked to tease.

“A girl doesn't just kiss and tell.”

Steve almost got mad. He had just enough time to start gearing up to push and insist otherwise when it clicked for him.

“No way.”

His best friend looked back up at him, a smile sitting brightly on her lips, cheeks bunched up at the apples, looking just about as happy as she could possibly get. And she started to spill. Going over every detail and the way it lit her up. The way it sent a buzz through her whole body. Made things start to slip into place. Some things at least.

Robin, by some miracle, wasn't going to die unkissed anymore.

And they laughed, and he cheered her on. She told him that about five minutes after that first and second kiss, where she was gushing to Vickie and asking if it was okay to tell him it happened. She couldn't keep such a big thing from her most favorite person in the world. And Vickie giggled in her sweet little Vickie way. Then she gave her permission to talk about them with Steve Harrington, as long as they kept a lid on things. Which Robin absolutely understood and agreed with.

But it meant so much to not only have that perfect moment between them, but to know she'd have just one other person she could talk about it with. Telling Steve that she got to kiss Vickie Nelson made it real. It happened. Just down the road, around the corner of an empty building. Recklessly out in broad daylight, but luckily out of view of anyone else.

Just secret enough and just real enough.

She did mention it was a little stupid to have let it happen right there in the open. She wasn't going to get away with that sort of play again. Probably, at least. But Steve said he was happy she got to experience a little bit of some classic teenager, hormonal, loss-of-thought, stupid-in-love, impulsivity. She deserved some.

Just one taste of getting caught up in the moment and letting a dream take you right to the edge.

He kept saying stupid romantic stuff like that. Maybe under different circumstances, Robin would have walked that back and brought it around Steve's love life. But for that day, the moment was hers. Her love life was the topic of conversation. And not in just the length of a few wistful sentences. Not of only wishes and small limits of hope.

There was substance. There was something to say. There was a future to think about, and events to be excited about, and so much to discover for herself. So much to experience and feel and finally know for herself.

Robin's love life was something to talk about. Fully. And that was so much to have for the first time.

Steve was the first person Robin got to even have honest conversations about crushes with. And on April 8th, 1986, she got to tell him about her first kiss. And the one that came after. And all the others she was looking forward to having.

At least, she got to tell him all about it until the next customer stopped by. Then it was time to get back to the work that paid them.

The van hauling Corroded Coffin up north spent about three hours on the highway before they hit Indy. They didn't even have an hour to spare before the show was set to start. So they all sped and clambered around for food in the city right before they ran over to the Market Square Arena. Proudly displaying their tickets at the entrance and getting let inside for the big event they'd been looking forward to for weeks.

And before Ozzy was set to take to the stage, there was Metallica as a special guest. The opening act. Eddie couldn't really explain why he screamed as loud as he did when the end of “Battery” turned into the beginning of “Master of Puppets”. The guys didn't know it was a song he'd sort of bet his life on twelve days before. But it was a fan favorite, so at least the crowd ramping up around them helped distract from the fact that he might've gotten just a little emotional during the instrumental.

And through the rest of their set and into Ozzy running out, they yelled and sang along, and jumped and jostled against each other. Bumping arms into sides and knocking shoulders into their neighbors. Sticking out tongues and banging their heads. Howling into each other's ears, and still unable to drown out the amps and speakers buzzing on full blast.

Each person fanning the flames of everyone else's burning energy and excitement.

It was a rock show of epic proportions. It was adrenaline and sweat and life mixing together in a cauldron and being thrown all over the place in visceral ecstasy. It was a dizzying frenzy of pure uncensored existence.

Or, halfway uncensored, at least.

There was this moment. It was during “Killer of Giants”. Eddie stopped swinging his hair forward and whipping it back. He slowed down long enough to look back at the people next to him. Jeff, Gareth, Bruce, and Josie. They looked younger than he remembered.

Younger than he thought they looked before he faced everything he faced.

It was almost like an out-of-body experience. He just stopped moving and watched them have fun. There was so much joy just coming off of them in waves. Like that show, that moment, was the only thing on their minds. And Eddie thought he felt like that before. Even just minutes before when he let himself get swept up in the event. But… there was also this other part to him now.

The part that's seen death, seen people narrowly evade it, seen the world around him when he thought he was done. Seen the look in Dustin Henderson's eyes when the boy thought it was over for him.

And that stuff changes a person.

Eddie Munson could still have fun. Could still put in the effort to pretend like the world was as simple as he thought it was before Spring Break. But there was also this gnawing at the back of his mind that reminded him otherwise. That it wasn't still so simple. And he had to push it down.

Censoring himself.

Which was weird in some ways. Because Eddie Munson hasn't censored much of himself since he was a middle schooler. Since he decided he would take the title of “town freak” and wear it with pride. Since he decided anyone who cared about his bad reputation wasn't worth having around.

Eddie said pretty much whatever he wanted to say. But he couldn't say some things.

Supernatural trauma joined the short list of “things we don't talk about” that he held quietly behind his ribs. Secrets cradled gently in the space next to his heart. 'Course, he got to talk about it with The Party.

He was keeping a few other secrets too. Ones that only really had one or two other keepers. So the Upside Down wasn't the smallest whisper he had to his name.

Jeff was cheering when he turned and saw Eddie processing. He must've been thinking on all of it for a while. His eyebrows creased together. And Jeff asked him, quiet under all the rumble of “Iron Man” being covered on stage and the audience's ecstatic reaction,” Hey. You okay, man?”

His hand found Eddie's shoulder. Clamping down with enough pressure to remind Eddie where he was.

“Yeah, man. Just got thinking about stuff for a minute.”

“Do you need to get some air?” Jeff pointed his thumb over his shoulder towards the exit.

“Nah… nah. I just- things were crazy you know.” Eddie decided that was a good enough way of putting it. “Just appreciating that we all made it here after everything.”

Jeff dropped his head like the idea was ridiculous,” Even if you croaked in that hospital bed we woulda made Wayne come up with us on your ticket and bring your ashes with or something. We wouldn'ta let you miss this.”

Eddie reached over and shoved Jeff back by the chest.

“Shut up. And thanks.”

“Of course.”

The song faded out from the band. And then Ozzy brought the mic up to his lips. Throwing his head back as he bellowed out through the stadium “ALL ABOARD!” followed by his wicked, throaty cackle.

Jeff's eyes lit up. “Oh my god! Fuck yes!” His mouth fell open as he wrapped an arm across Eddie's shoulders and turned his attention back on the performance. “Come on, dude!”

And Eddie was pulled along with the joy. With the excitement. With the electricity.

“Crazy! But that's how it goes!” he sang along with the crowd.

Deciding to try and get lost back into the haze of the regular people again.

#ROBBIE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND!!! CAN WE GET SOME APPLAUSE???#Yes. This is going to be a Ronance fic. I promise.#This is just a little bit of first love fun right now #But as cute as this getting together scene was - I promise the Robin and Nancy one is going to be at least 5x better #And there's going to be come major BIG bonding and conflicts next chap #Big big stuff brewing in the studio I say #Now - I need you all to hold my hand and look me in the eyes - we are not going to Villianize Nancy. You hear?#She is a complex character. A teenager. She is allowed to be complicated and have feelings and make choices.#And they deserve to be understood.#I'm going to need y'all to remember that because if I see any Nancy Wheeler Slander I will have to fight on her behalf #And the setlists for Metallica and Ozzy Osbourne were referenced from Setlist.fm btw!#Steve Harrington #Eddie Munson #Steddie #Steveddie #Steve x Eddie #Nancy Wheeler #Robin Buckney #Ronance #Robin x Nancy #The Fruity Four #Stranger Things #Stranger Things 4 #Stranger Things 4 spoilers #Stranger Things 4 volume 2 spoilers

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