#i played foodguessr for 2 hours

[soggypotatoes]

man. sometimes I think about. like. I'm really gonna have to. make myself go to sleep, every night, for the rest of my life, huh.

it's such an ordeal. every!! single!! night!!! I have to think about how I'm going to get to sleep. I haven't slept unmedicated in 10 years now, and even with multiple medications, it's a pain. bc I have to THINK of something. I find something to do, usually on my phone, and I keep doing it until I'm so tired I can't keep my eyes open. then I put the phone down, and I have to think of something to do while I'm going to sleep.

Ive asked people what they think about before going to sleep, but nobody ever gives me an answer. I think they must just... go to sleep, I guess? cause Ive tried so many things. sometimes I do math. or I try to recount all the information Ive learned that day. I meditate - which is hard, because I'm too tired to keep myself focussed. I create stories, I try to imagine my dog's dreams, what his life might have looked like as a puppy. every SINGLE night I have to come up with something, bc if I don't, I Will Not Sleep. it's like when people say they're sick of thinking of meals 3x a day, except for sleep. fuck, man