#i played around with a couple other ideas

[yamumsyadadd]

the shadow of alexia

At 4 years old my entire life changed. One day my dad was at home and the next he wasn’t. Things changed after that. Everyone was sad, lots of people visited too. Sometimes I got new toys when they came over. 

Alba was a scary teenager but Alexia. Alexia was my best friend and I was hers. She would take me to kindergarten and pick me up, she never missed a soccer game or ballet recital, she was always there. So was her special friend Jenni. Jenni was great, when I was little she used to let me colour in her tattoos, Everytime she got a new one, she’s get me new pens to colour on her. 

As time went on, Alba and Alexia started moving out. Alexia moved in with Jenni and started getting busy with football, Alba still lived with Mami but was busy with her friends and modelling. Mami did the best she could. She was getting older and more tired, she didn’t miss a game or my last ballet recital, she didn’t miss the disappointment in my eyes when Alexia or Alba didn’t turn up. They were busy, I understand. 

It went from seeing them a couple times a week, to once a week, to once a month. I learnt pretty quickly the only way to get Alexia’s attention was to either play football or to fuck up. Lucky for me I was good at both. School was boring, it was too easy, I understood it all faster than anyone else. The first time I skipped school, I was 14. No one noticed and no one cared. From there on out it became a routine. At least once a week I’d skip school and hang out with the others. 

I personally never did anything too rowdy, just tagged along to enjoy the vibes. The first time I got caught skipping school was by Virginia. She promised me she wouldn’t tell Alexia or Mami and she kept that promise. The next time was by Alba, she lost her shit. Yelling at me about how irresponsible I was being and how much trouble I would get in. The second last time I got caught was by Jenni, I hadn’t seen her in a while, I was mad at her because of that so when she tried to give me a lecture I yelled at her.

“Y/n, you can’t be doing this shit. If Alexia found out she would lose it at you! What would happen if the police got you? What would you do then?”

“Why do you care Jenni? Huh? You left, you haven’t been around. You fucked off to Paris and didn’t even say goodbye. Tell Alexia, I don’t care, at least then she would talk to me.”

“Y/n, did Ale not talk to you about this?” Her voice was incredibly soft. That was something I missed about her, the way she spoke, the softness that was hidden from most people. 

“She doesn’t talk to me at all. She doesn’t give a fuck about me.”

“Bebeita, we broke up. Thats why I left. we ended things and to be able to heal I had to leave. I am so sorry, she promised she would talk to you about it. I wanted to say goodbye to you myself but Alexia said it would be a bad idea.”

From there things spiralled. I didn’t want to talk to Alexia, I didn’t want to see her. I stopped going to her games with Mami, I would sneak out when I knew she was coming over. No longer did I look up to her, I hated her. I wanted nothing to do with her. 

The day I quit football, I felt free. No longer having to play to get my oldest sisters attention, I didn’t care for that anymore. I had more time to hang out with my friends, to be a normal fucking teenager. 

It took a week, it was quicker then I thought to be honest, but once Alexia found out, all hell broke loose. 

“Where the hell is she!” Alexia stormed through the house. Surprising Eli. 

“Who Alexia?” 

“The Idiota. Your mija?” Alexia huffed. Eli was surprised by the way Alexia was acting. 

“In her room with her friend.”  Before Eli could say anything else, Alexia was off. Swinging open the door and disturbing the peace between you and your girlfriend.

“You, get out.” 

“No Alexia. You don’t get to tell her to get out.” I got defensive fast. There’s no way she gets to come here and tell her she needs to leave. 

“GET OUT NOW!” Alexia’s ‘captain’ voice was something that always got people moving. 

“You don’t get to come here and act like you run the place. News flash alexia, you don’t fucking live here!” 

“¡Dios mío! What is happening! Why did Isabella leave crying?” Mami looked pissed. More so at alexia than me. 

“Alexia kicked her out. For no reason other than the fact that no one else is allowed to be happy but her.” 

“Tell her what you did!” When I was younger, the look she was giving me would’ve scared me, but now it did nothing. 

“I didn’t do anything alexia. Whatever your minions are telling you isn’t true. But hey, you wouldn’t listen to me anyway.” I tried to push past her, but she grabbed my wrist stopping me from moving. 

“Mami she quit football. She fucking quit. After everything I’ve done for her she throws it back in my face!” Rolling her eyes and scoffing at me. 

“Let her go now. I am aware she quit Alexia. She was only doing it for you.” Mami was mad, very mad. Alexia had come and disturbed the peace, making Isabella cry and screaming the house down. 

“Grab me like that again I’ll drop you on your ass. I don’t give a fuck that you are la Reina.” The words came out like venom. 

Everything is always about Alexia. I joined football to get close to her, I didn’t mean to get as far as I did, I honestly didn’t think I’d get past the academy. Being called up into the Barca B squad was cool. I enjoy the fitness side of it but genuinely couldn’t care less about actually playing. 

The same day I quit, was the same day I got called up for the senior team. It sent me into a bit of a spiral. Mapi found me in the corner of the physios room with my sketchbook, crying. 

“Oh nena! What’s wrong? Do you want me to get Ale?” 

“No! Not ale! Don’t tell her please!”

“Okay no Ale but can you tell me what’s got you so worked up?” 

“I got asked to join the senior team and I don’t want to. I only started playing so Alexia would be nice to me and talk to me. I don’t even like this stupid game! I just want to draw but that’ll never be good enough for her.”  

After that, Mapi and I would get coffee in the mornings, I would show her my new drawings and tell her my ideas. She paid me to draw a photo of her and Ingrid. I knew she could draw herself but it was nice to have her in my corner.  Mapi was talking more about to me Alexia, saying how good my drawings were and how much happier I seemed not having to play, she seemed to miss the confusion written all over Alexia’s face. 

 •———————————————————————•

Mami had a trip coming up, I knew about this, but what I didn’t know what she was going to make me stay with alexia. Isabella and I came home after the movies to find Mami, Alexia, Alba and some other chick sitting at the table. I mumbled a quick hello before trying to drag Isabella upstairs. 

“Don’t be so rude. Actually say hello.” Alexia spoke angrily. 

Scoffing I turned around “bite me Alexia.” 

“¡Dios mío! Isabella Mi vida, it’s time for you to go home. You can wait upstairs for your Mami.” 

“Mami no. That’s not fair. She doesn’t get to come in here and start bossing everyone around!” 

“It’s okay amor, I should go home anyway. We have that biology exam anyway.” 

“Now that your little friend is gone, sit down.” 

“No.” 

“SIT DOWN.” 

“Ale, Cálmate.” The mysterious brunette says as she places her arm on alexia’s. 

Fuck all this shit honestly. Turning as fast as I could I ran upstairs, knowing Alexia would follow quickly. I was right. I was barely able to push my dresser against the door before she tried to open it. I was not going to sit at that table and play happy families. 

After an hour of listening to Alexia curse, she finally gave up. It was peaceful until Alba climbed through my bedroom window. 

“Still got it.” 

“Alba what the hell!” 

“Hermana, I don’t know what happened between you and Ale, but if it’s the same thing that happened between me and you then you need to talk to her. She’s worried about you and scared. She doesn’t want to lose you.” 

“She only cares now that she thinks her precious imagine is going to get hurt.” 

“If you talk to her now, while Olga is here, it’ll be easier. She calms Alexia down and makes her think more rationally.” 

“Who the fuck is Olga?” Was that the mysterious brunette in the dining room?

“What do you mean? She’s alexia’s girlfriend? You’ve met her before?” 

“No I haven’t. I didn’t know she had a girlfriend.” 

“Yes you met her a dinner a few months ago? She comes to Ales games and on Fridays when we have dinner!”

“I wasn’t invited to that dinner, I don’t go to Alexia’s games and I certainly don’t go to Friday dinners!” The angry tears started. Alexia was my hero, my bestfriend, the person I wanted to be and now I’ve been pushed aside. I know nothing about her and she equally knows nothing about me. 

Alba pulled me in tight, letting me cry on her. It was weird doing it with her, she used to be the reason I cried and not the one to comfort me. But here we are, things change I guess. 

“Mami really needs to talk with you so we need to go downstairs.” Begrudgingly I let alba pull me down the stairs. It was obvious to everyone that I had been crying, mami’s face softening when she saw me, Alexia’s face frowning in confusion. 

“You wanted to talk so please do it quickly. I want to go to bed.” I tried to speak as respectfully as I could to Mami, it wasn’t her fault. 

“Mija, I’ll be away for a month, you know this si?” I nodded my head before she continued, “you’re too young to stay here for a month alone so you’re going to stay with Alexia and Olga. You can still see your friends and will go to school, but they will look after you.” 

“Mami no! I can look after myself!” 

“You’re 16 chica. You’re not an adult like you think you are.” Alexia scoffed from the other side of the table. 

“So what? You’re shipping me off to stay with Alexia, who won’t even been there half the time and a stranger? That’s safer? Some person that I’ve never met and sure as shit don’t trust!” 

“Stop being such a Perra! You have met Olga, plenty of times! She comes to all the games she can, and to dinners all the time.” 

“Ale stop” Alba knew what was coming and tried to stop it but it was too late. 

“Dios mío, your head is so far up your own arse isn’t it? I haven’t been to a single game in over 8 months, I don’t get invited to you stupid little Friday night dinners and I have never met your girlfriend! Up until an hour ago I didn’t even know you had a fucking girlfriend Alexia. Everything is always about you. You and your stupid football or your stupid knee. I bet you right now you couldn’t tell me anything about what I’ve done in the last year, can you?” 

“I know you quit football because you’re being a brat.” 

Her answer honestly made me chuckle “Okay Alexia, anything else?” 

Silence. She couldn’t tell you a single thing. 

“Yeah that’s what I thought. You know nothing about me and that’s how it’s going to stay. I dont trust you, I don’t like you and I sure as shit don’t love you. You’re not my Hermana.” With hot tears falling down my face, I stormed back upstairs. I text Isabella asking if I could stay over and once she replied with a yes, I was gone. Out the window like Alba had come in an hour earlier. I texted Mami to let her know, I wasn’t that horrible to make her worry. 

“Mami, you can’t let her talk to people like that! She’s incredibly disrespectful!” 

Alba rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Are you serious? That girl used to hang off you. She looked up to you. It was always you alexia and now she wants nothing to do with you. You don’t invite her places, you don’t care about her. I noticed ages ago she was pulling away and I fixed it. Did you know she has a girlfriend? Or that she’s taking senior classes because she’s the smartest there? Or the fact that people are paying her to make them art or buying the pieces she already has. She quit football because she hates it. She hates it because of you. You ruined it for her. Mami, I will stay here with her while you’re gone. It’ll be better that way. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drop her off at Isabella’s.” 

“No! It’s a school night! She cannot be going out!” It seems everything that was just said to Alexia, went in one ear and out the other. 

“Alexia stop it now. She is allowed to stay at her girlfriend’s house, she has an exam at 1pm. Maybe you need to listen to what people are saying to you. I am going to bed, I suggest you all do the same, at your own houses.” 

“Why does no one listen to me!” Alexia was annoyed, overwhelmed and tired. It had drained a lot of her energy being here tonight. 

“Ale, I’m going to say this one time, you need to listen to what everyone has told you tonight, really listen, because you aren’t. You need to fix things with her but you need to sort your shit out first.” Olga had stayed silent most of the night, listening to everything that was said knowing her girlfriend wouldn’t. You were right, you had never met each other. What Olga didn’t realise was that it was Alexia’s fault, not yours. She put it down to being a moody teenager who was too cool to hang out with her sisters, oh how wrong she was. 

•———————————————————————•

Two days before Mami was meant to go away, Alba rang saying she couldn’t stay over. She had gotten a modelling gig in Madrid and needed to go, that left Alexia and Olga. It would be the longest month of my life. Mami promised nothing would change just because I was staying here, she was wrong. Alexia was a bitch. 

The first few days were fine, alexia would drop me off at school and I’d make my way home after, I generally spend it was Isabella because Alexia wouldn’t let her come over. We go into the city centre, get coffee and do our homework then catch the bus home. We did this even when Mami was here so it wasn’t anything new but when Alexia found out she hit the roof. 

“You cannot be going into the city by yourself! Are you thick in the head?” 

“Jesus Christ alexia! I’m not alone. Isabella is with me. Mami lets me do it so I’m going to keep doing it.” 

“Is Isabella the reason you’re skipping school too?”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I scoffed, storming off the guest bedroom and slamming the door so hard it made Olga jump. 

By the third day of me being there, Alexia had turned up to pick me up herself. I tried to completely ignore her but Isabella had other ideas. 

“Your sister is death staring me right now.” 

“No amor, not you but me. Oh fuck here we go, she’s coming over here.” 

“Get in the car y/n.”

“No. I told you yesterday that I’m allowed to do this. You’re not the boss of me.” 

“Bebeita, it’s fine. I’ve got chores to do for papa anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She kissed my cheek and then walked away, leaving me no choice but to get in Alexia’s car. 

The car ride was hell. Alexia was pissed, her hands constantly gripping the steering wheel so hard her knuckle turned white. Neither of us spoke. To be honest, I didn’t know where we were going until we turned up at the training ground. 

“Why are we here?” 

“We have training. Get out.” 

“No alexia. I quit. What part of that don’t you understand.” 

“Get out now, or I will drag you out.” 

Knowing she would literally drag me out, I had to wait it out. She’d turn her back eventually and I could leg it. I’m faster than her and more willing to jump fences. 

The time came sooner than I thought, after entering the change rooms, she threw a set of clothes into my chest and walked off to the bathrooms. This was my chance and I wasn’t going to waste it. 

Throwing the clothes into her cubby, I legged it out the door. Running past Mapi, Ingrid and Ona who all had confused looked on their faces. As soon as I got out, I kept running, knowing i had to get a head start. I wasn’t really sure where I was going, I knew I couldn’t go back to Alexia’s, Olga would be there. I couldn’t go home because that’s the first place she’d go, I couldn’t go to Albas because she drag me back by my ear. There was only one place to go. 

Can Cuyás Golf Culb was the best place to hide. Sure someone might see me, but it’s easy enough to pretend to be lost. 

The first thing Alexia noticed when she came out was the lack of you. Then the clothes she had given you, thrown back into her cubby. 

“Have you seen y/n?” She asked as she turned to the girls in the locker room. 

“She ran past us like 5 minutes ago?” Ona spoke up. 

“Did she say anything?” 

“No she was in a bit of a hurry Ale.” Mapi rolled her eyes at her best friend. 

“Fuck sake.” Alexia exited the locker room, walking through the facility to try and find you. Slight panic kicked in when she wasn’t able too. Deciding to call Alba first, knowing you’d been closer to her the past few months. 

“Hola Ale, to what do I owe this pleasure?” The sarcasm dripping from her voice. 

“Have you seen y/n?” 

“No why? What happened?” Panic arising in Alba. 

“I picked her up from school and bought her to training. Gave her clothes to change into and I went to the toilet and came back and she was gone. She fucking ran off.” 

“Why the hell would you try and make her train Alexia! She quit. She doesn’t want to play anymore!” Alba quickly became anger with the oldest Putellas. 

“She is too good to throw it all away! She’s being a stupid child about all of this!” Quickly becoming defensive, not enjoying the way Alba is talking to her. 

“You’re unbelievable. I haven’t seen her, I will try and find her. Don’t you worry, put your football above her like you always do.” 

“Alba-“ she hung up before alexia could get another word in. There was one person left that Alexia had to call. 

“Hola amor, why aren’t you training?” Olga’s sweet voice sounded through the phone. 

“I’ve lost y/n. Can you please let me know if she comes home and if she does then don’t let her out of your sight.” 

“What do you mean you’ve lost her Ale?” 

“I bought her to training and she ran away while I was in the bathroom.” Pinching the bridge of her nose, Alexia already knew by the silence on the other end that Olga was trying to not yell at her. 

“Alexia-“

“No I know okay. I already got an ear full from Alba. I have to go but I’ll call you later okay. I love you.” Slowly it started to creep in the fact that she had fucked up and caused you to run away. Training dragged on for Alexia, hoping that you had been found or made contact with Alba or even Olga. 

Meanwhile, after hiding at the golf course for an hour, i decided to head to Isabella’s house. Knocking on the door, Isabella answered, still buttoning up her shirt. Eyes wide when she realised I was at her door. 

“Wh-what are you doing here?” She closed the door slightly, so I could no longer see into the loungeroom. 

“I ran away from Alexia. I was hoping we could hang out like normal?” 

“Now’s not really a good time. I have someone here.” Isabella spoke quietly, not wanting to allude to the fact that the person inside wasn’t just a friend. 

“Baby come back, we weren’t finished.” A guys voice yelled out. 

“It’s not what you think y/n!” 

“I think that guy wants your attention. I’m guessing that’s the reason you’re half dressed. Enjoy your time with him, we are done.” Tears welling in my eyes. 

“I’m sorry y/n!” 

“Go fuck your self Isabella.” sadness turned into anger real quick. 

Isabella was my first girlfriend, my first kiss, the first person I had sex with and she goes and fucks a guy? While we are together? This is literally the last thing I wanted to deal with. 

Unsure on what to do, or who to call I found my way to the beach. My throat and eyes hurt from crying so much. The pain in my chest was getting worse. Pulling out my phone, ignoring all the messages and calls, I rang the one person who would calm me. 

“Hey Calabaza? What’s up?” Jenni’s voice rang through my ears. Unable to form a coherent sentence, only sobs coming out of my mouth. 

“Hold on Bebé” I could hear her moving around, the voices of her teammates getting quieter, “talk to me. What happened?”

“I ran away. I ran away from Alexia and I went to Isabella’s house and she-she was cheating on me. With a guy. A fucking dude. She broke my heart Jenni. It hurts so much.” 

“Oh babé. Where is Ale now? Where are you?” 

“I don’t know. She’s probably at training. I’m at the beach where Papa used to take us. She’s going to be so mad at me.”

“Can you tell me why you ran away from her?” The way Jenni spoke so sweetly was something I missed dearly. 

“She got me from school and took me to the training grounds. She was trying to make me train but when she went to the bathroom I ran away. I don’t want to train, I don’t want to play. I hate the game and I hate her. She doesn’t listen or care about me!” I could feel myself getting upset again. 

“Okay okay, just breathe. You’re okay. I’m not going to tell her where you are but I need to tell someone. Albs has messaged me and so has Olga. You can pick who I tell.” 

Pondering the options, Alba would tell Alexia but she’d also be just as angry and upset. Olga would tell Alexia but she’d be calmer and softer, that was what I needed at this moment. 

“Olga. But tell her not to bring Alexia.” 

“Okay bebé.” After a few moments she spoke up again, “she’s on the way. She promised no Alexia. Do you want to stay on the line with me until she comes?” 

“Yes please. Can you tell me about Mexico?” Sniffling and wiping my face, I got up, walking towards the road to wait for Olga. After 25 minutes, Olga pulled up. A sad smile and worry on her face, she put an arm around me. 

“Is Olga there now?” Jenni asked. 

“Yeah she is. Uh thanks Jenni. Sorry for disturbing you.” Embarrassed about haven taken her time. 

“No bebé, you don’t need to thank me or apologise. We are hermanas no matter what okay. You call me tomorrow when you’re feeling better. I love you.” with that she hung up. Reality slowing sinking it. 

“Let’s get you home yeah? Are you hungry?” Olga smiled sadly at me. 

“No thanks. Just tired.” I mumbled out. 

The drive back to Alexia’s was quiet. When we pulled up, Alexia’s car wasn’t there, meaning she wasn’t home. That was good. Very good. 

“She’s at Albas house. I told her you had messaged me but that I didn’t know where you were yet. It’s a small lie, but I’m sure it’s worth it.” 

“Alexia hates lying.” I said lowly. Thinking back to all those times as a small girl that she yelled at me for lying. 

“I know Pequeño. Do you want to tell me what happened today?” 

“Everyday Isabella and I go into the city and have coffee and do our homework, but today Alexia came to school and got me. She drove us to the training grounds and said I had to train. But I-i quit. I don’t want to play anymore, I don’t enjoy it and only did it for Alexia but it was never enough. Nothing I do is ever enough for her.” Olga grabbed my hand, giving it a squeeze for me to continue. 

“I went to Isabella’s house and she had someone there. A guy, a guy that she was fucking. She was cheating on me for god knows how long. I thought everything was good with us. She was my first girlfriend and my first kiss. I lost my fucking virginity to her and she goes and fucks someone else? It just hurts. So much. Everything is hurting so much.” 

“Oh pequeño. Come here.” Olga held me tight, my tears slowly soaking her shirt. 

“Why doesn’t she love me like she loves Alba? I don’t understand.” 

“Alexia?”

“Mhm. Nothing I do is good enough. I just want her to care about me more. Why can’t she?” It broke Olga’s heart hearing me say that. She didn’t know what was happening but she knew Alexia needed to fix it and fast. 

After slowly showering, I thanked Olga and excused myself to bed. I didn’t think I had any tears left to cry but after crying for a while, I managed to pass out. 

 •———————————————————————•

After you went to your room, Olga texted Alexia, telling her she was here and safe. Alba and Alexia both rushed back to her home. Angry and worried at you, ready to both give you an ear full. 

“Where is she Olga?” Alexia came in loudly. 

“Keep your voice down. Both of you.” Olga was very firm. 

“No she’s in trouble. She doesn’t get off lightly, we have been so worried about her.” Alexia sooke back angrily, usually she’d listen to her girlfriend but this had sent her into a rage. 

“Really Ale? You’ve been worried? So worried you couldn’t train right? That you spent all night calling her friends or going to her favourite spots to try and find her?” Olga had had enough. 

“Amor that’s not fair.” 

“No you know what’s not fair? The fact that neither of you have been listening to her. She doesn’t want to play, she did it for you Ale. She wanted to make you proud of her. She hated playing but you wouldn’t know that. She loves to draw, and she’s really really good at it. She showed me all her work.” 

Olga walked to the couch, extremely disappointed with the two women standing in front of her. 

“Her girlfriend cheated on her. She found out this afternoon. She rang Jenni and Jenni messaged me. That’s how I found her. She was at the beach, heartbroken. Then when we got home, she asked why you didn’t love her Ale. She thinks you don’t care about her. That girl may have broke her heart tonight, but you broke her heart first Alexia. You’ll need to live with the fact that you were her first heartbreak.” Olga was exhausted. Neither Alexia Or Alba said anything. Both sitting in opposite ends of the lounge room, tears silently falling. 

Olga excused herself to bed, leaving the older two in the lounge room to mull on their thoughts. She promised herself after your heartbreaking confession that she would have your back through this. Whatever tomorrow held, you would face it together. 

[sleepyparalysisdmon]

Seungcheol with a fidgety partner

Requested? Yes! Request: ‘hmm cheol or anyone in svt and how they would handle a jittery partner (i say as i am bouncing my leg and fidgeting) lol!’

Seungcheol, who is always offering his hand for you to fidget with He normally thinks nothing of your fidgeting. You pick up a straw wrapper at the restaurant to twist and play with or you play with the handle of your bag as it sits in your lap. He kind of thinks of it as a cute habit, but recognizes that sometimes it stems from anxiety. So if you guys are out somewhere and you don’t have anything specific to fidget with, he won’t watch you bounce from one side to the other for long. He’ll hold out his hand for you and give a little squeeze when you grab on. He’s totally unfazed by you squeezing, or changing the way you grip his hand, or twisting the rings he might have on. He actually finds that it comforts him too. They’re gentle reminders that you’re still right there, even when he might be too busy to give you the attention that he wishes he could.

Seungcheol, who buys you fidget toys for when he can’t be around to hold your hand You have a plethora of fidget toys, all purchased by Seungcheol over the years. Some are stress balls, some are silent spinners, some are rather loud spinners. Some slide, some pop, some snap. You had no idea there were so many different kinds or where he even finds them. And he has them stashed away everywhere. There are some on your desk at home and at work. There’s a couple hidden under the coffee table. There are even a few hidden in the kitchen for you when you come talk to him while he cooks. He knows you don’t always need it, but notices how you seem to be able to relax and focus with something to fiddle with, so when he notices that you’re extra jittery that day, he’s sliding one to you without a word.

Seungcheol, who will gently put his hand over your leg When you’re in a setting that that sort of fidgeting won’t really be suitable, he knows your go-to is to bounce your leg. You two will be out to dinner with others and he’ll feel the rhythmic vibration against his chair. It doesn’t bother him, but he knows it might bother others, thus bothering you. So sometimes, even when he’s eating, he’ll put a hand under the table and lay it across your thigh. There’s absolutely nothing inappropriate about it - just a gentle reminder that it’s okay and you can relax. He’d prefer for you to take a deep breath and eat after this, but sometimes he’ll let it slide when your hands grip on to his under the table.

Seungcheol, who carefully tries to find out what makes you jittery He never wants to pry, but the nervous energy you carry a lot of the time makes him wonder. He’s so gentle about it and doesn’t assume anything bad right away. Maybe you’re just drinking too much caffeine, in which case he might urge you to cut back. Maybe it’s that you just have too much energy even without caffeine, in which case he offers to help you work out some of that energy by going for a walk or run, or going to the gym. Maybe it’s that you’re just kind of stressed lately, in which case he wants to help reduce your stress in anyway he can. But if there’s something that you’re actually nervous about, he wants to know about that too so he can help more. He’ll help you avoid some of those things on occasion, but ultimately he wants you to feel comfortable going about life and will encourage you to face those things (with him by your side, of course).

Seungcheol, who is really relieved that you can relax around him It’s something he’s actually really proud of. Not just that you reach out to him when you’re feeling that way. But sometimes, you’ll come home and collapse into his arms and just finally be… still. He likes that the nervous energy totally dissipates when it’s just the two of you at home. You’re totally at ease curled up next to him on the couch during a movie night. You’re totally still as you both lay in bed, with you on his chest. It’s something that makes him misty-eyed if he thinks about it for too long.

[hwonnrinji]

THE FIRST SNOW

kim minji x fem!reader

{ synopsis } : you were in a long-term relationship with minji since the start of high school. after graduating, minji broke the news that she's going back to canada. a long-distance relationship wasn't an option, so the next best thing was breaking up. you were still in love with her for a period of time but eventually started to move on– until you bump into someone on the street.

{ a/n } : tsbu lara fic hasn't seen the light of day since creation, i feel bad -v-

{ tags/extra } : 2 years after break up, lovers to exes to ???, light angst, hyein and reader are sisters, may or may not have projected a little

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now playing : the first snow - exo

⤷ "if i met you,

would tears rise up?"

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"Y/N! IT'S SNOWING!" hyein shook you awake while she rambled about the snow in excitement, pulling on your arm to go outside and see. you gave a half-ass protest but hyein insisted you check it out. "it might be one of the prettier first snows."

"hyein, do you have any idea what time it is?" you rubbed your eyes tiredly, the glare from the streetlights were rather annoying. the snow was as pretty as hyein said it was but you'd prefer to see it when you're fully awake.

"it's six in the morning," hyein answered. you turned to look at her, having to slightly look up to see her face. now that you're getting a better look at her, she's in her school uniform. "i have to leave for school in a bit."

"oh. i'll go get ready." as you were about to make your way to the bathroom, hyein quickly stopped you.

"it's okay, dain will pick me up."

your eyes narrowed suspiciously as you stared at her. "can dain drive yet?" seeing her tense, you sighed, putting your hand up to stop her from talking. "whatever, i don't care. just get to school safe and on time."

"why are you making it seem like i'll skip?" hyein pouted, clinging onto your arm.

"it's because you do. if you skip one more time, i'm sending you back to incheon with mom and dad," you warned. blood seemed to drain from hyein's face

"what?! noo, i like seoul," she whined while shaking your shoulders to take back your threat. you groaned, swatting her arms to let you go. "plus, haerin is the one driving."

"really? ok, have fun."

"hey! why are you suddenly ok when i mention that cat?"

"haerin value her studies so of course i trust her." you shrugged. a sudden voice called out for hyein down the street– more like a couple voices –signaling that her friends were here. "don't spend too much money on snacks, ok? love you."

"love you too, bye!" hyein rushed out of the house, turning the corner. you peeked your head out to see haerin's hyundai parked at the end of the neighborhood. you softly smiled seeing hyein run happily to her friends, reminding you of your high school years.

"well since i'm awake now," you headed back inside to get ready for the day, thinking about whether or not to go to class a little earlier than normal. since that's too much work, you decided to get coffee first.

~

your phone kept buzzing with endless notifications from god knows who, and while you tried to ignore it to admire the snow around you, a sudden call interrupted you. with an annoyed huff, you took your phone out of your pocket to see danielle calling. "hello?" you answered as you continued to walk to the coffee shop.

'did you hear?' she asked on the other line.

"hear what?"

'minji's back from canada.'

you paused for a moment, your lips parting in shock. minji, your ex that broke up with you two years ago to leave to canada, was now back in korea. "wait, i thought the move was permanent."

'it was never permanent?'

that little liar. "she told me it was," you said almost bitterly.

'really? before she left, she said she'd come back. look,'

danielle sent you a screenshot of minji's instagram story, the photo being her on an airplane with the caption 'back home.' you were absolutely furious, your hand gripping your phone so tightly that it might break. "she told me she wasn't coming back."

'maybe you remembered wrong? 'cuz that's not what she said to me nor haerin.'

"no, i'm sure. if she was coming back then we would've gone long-distance."

'y/n–'

"look, i don't wanna talk about this anymore. i'm gonna go." you didn't give danielle a chance to talk any further, your finger already pressing the hang up button. great. just when you were finally moving on, minji decided to come back. you shook your head and continued on your way. to say you were pissed would be the least similar way to describe how you were feeling. how could she lie and come back like nothing?

you finally reached your destination, your hand reaching out to grab the door handle until another hand appeared in front of you. "oh, sorry–" you backed up from the door but stopped midway once you saw who was holding the door.

"y/n?" god, you hated that voice.

"what're you doing here?" you asked with no interest, yet the sting in your eyes and the tug at your heart says otherwise. minji glanced inside the building before returning back to you, a confused look smothered on her face.

"getting coffee?..." right. it's a coffee shop. you fought back the urge to roll your eyes and cry at the same time, stepping back to let her go through. "you can go first."

"just go already." minji hesitated but reluctantly opened the door to go in first, pushing back the door behind her just enough so you can enter as well. you scoffed but didn't reject the offer, stepping inside to feel the warm atmosphere, a contrast to the outside. you placed your order quickly before finding a seat at one of the tables near the window.

minji sat in the seat in front of you, startling you a bit. her eyes seemed like she wanted to talk to you but you weren't sure if you were ready for that conversation yet. "can we please talk, y/n?"

"stop saying my name." you leaned back in your chair, your arms crossed over your chest. "you lied to me."

"it was the only option," she confessed. the sting in your eyes grew with each word she said. you ran a hand through your hair, pushing back the loose strands in frustration.

"only option? was i not enough to deserve the truth?"

"i didn't mean it like that..." her eyes were sad, practically begging you to let her explain. "i got accepted into a university in a toronto," she started, "i wanted to keep our relationship but i was going across the world. it would drive me insane to hear you say that you miss being held by me because, fucking hell, y/n. i'd miss it too."

your bottom lip started to quiver as tears welled up in your eyes, droplets falling down onto your lap. you're can't cry. not here, not now.

"i didn't wanna hear you say you wish i was there with you, i didn't wanna see myself crying in front of the bathroom mirror after calling you," minji continued on, "i didn't wanna have to pretend like i wasn't affected. so, i left."

"but why? why did you have to go? you could've stayed."

"it was the only university that accepted me. if yonsei accepted me then i would've." you sniffled, your hand coming up to wipe the tears from your eyes. you hated yourself for crying at that moment. "i was young and naive, but now, i know what i want." she reached across the table, holding your hand dearly. "i want you. i want us to start again."

"minji, you can't just leave and come back to ask for a second chance."

"please, y/n, please. i'm still in love you and i'm sorry it took this long for me to realize." her pleas were convincing but you weren't sure if you should give in. "let us be us again."

"i... i don't know." you pulled your hand back, slipping out of your seat. you left minji sitting alone as you walked out of the building, too caught up in your emotions. you felt a firm hand grab your wrist and turn you back around.

"love, please–"

"don't call me that!" your chest rose and fell rapidly as tears streamed down your cheek. "no. you don't get to break up with me and then call me love." minji only stared at you, half sorry and half full of pity.

"please think about it," she begged. "text me when you have an answer."

"don't boss me around." you took back your arm, stuffing your hand in your jacket pocket. "hyein still hates you."

"i'm sorry."

"stop, just stop. your number is still blocked and i don't plan on unblocking you." your hands curled into fists in your pockets out of anger. "see you around."

- tbc -

[milliesbattleaxe]

more Mastermind analysis, while I think its infuriating I don't think its a mischaracterisation that Bee and Ozzie didn't say anything, bc:

They don't know the full situations. Even if Ozzie knows more, there's a lot of things neither of them know.

While they're outspoken and call people out, in this case, "standing up for what is right" would require them to put in question all of Hell's hierarchy, and Satan's right to pass this ruling in any measure.

The punishment of Stolas may be a "flick on the wrist" but not for these two. Hell is based on power, love these people we deem unworthy and you might lose it all.

While Andrealphus is lying about Blitzø's motifs, both him and Stolas always knew they were breaking Demon Law with this. What's illegal here is Blitzø's use of the grimoire/Stolas relinquishing of the grimoire. This is the entire reason why Stolas asked Ozzie for a crystal.

For Ozzie specifically, to admit he did this would be implicating himself and making him an accomplice.

Them singing "he is the law" implies Satan actually does have a right to pass on the judgements, what he was just lying about was being higher ranked than Lucifer. Furthermore, and like I already said, to question him is to question their own place and neither of them are willing to give it up. They benefit from it, they like benefiting from it. It's Stolas specifically the one who has a problem with Hell's Hierarchies, because he doesn't want to rule, he wants to know things.

This is purposeful in Stolas, as he's Blitzø's mirror and foil. Stolas doesn't want power, he wants to know things, and his entire character arc revolves around "is the power I have worth sacrificing my personhood? my true self?" Bee and Ozzie do not feel trapped in the system like Stolas does, they ENACT the system.

This doesn't make them "bad characters" this is not Oliver Cromwell's decree on the immorality of plays and theatre. This makes them compelling characters who might have conflicts with their own partners, LIKE IT SHOULD BE. Stolitz has always been canon, regardless of their status of together or not, they are their respective love interests, and their relationship is one of the most important components of the narrative. Therefore they have to have something that sets them apart from other couples in their situation, and its this. Bee and Ozzie may be dating Vortex and Fizz, and they love them I do not doubt this, but their relationships aren't challenges to the order in hell. Not really, not even if Ozzie fights Mammon about it.

If you also watch Hazbin, remember that Hell's hierarchy does not like being challenged and this is exactly why they don't take Charlie seriously. Because she is disputing their idea of "power" (both Heaven and Hell's tbh). Even Lucifer hates being challenged, despite being the "og rebel". The only person who can question him is Charlie, no one else can.

Like, think about it. Bee provides things, she is the great provider, Ozzie is a fair boss if a temperamental one who their employees know not to fuck around with, and does a lot of things for Fizz. But that's it. Not once it has been implied they're willing to go (metaphorically, existentially) where their partners come from. Stolas has. Stolas has been trying to know Blitzø in his entirety BEFORE Full Moon. He was doing it like ass, but he was.

Another thing is neither Bee nor Ozzie try to bring their partners to their level. They rule alone, they do not share their power. Stolas did, because while Stolas knows its illegal, he probably does not see it as wrong. And it makes sense given what we know of him and his realm. His realm is knowledge, he doesn't like knowledge because of power, he likes bc he just likes to learn things. He was like this BEFORE he knew what his role in the family was. Paimon even looks at him weird for knowing things and saying them aloud as if "sharing" his power by mentioning it near their butler. Stolas doesn't want to get in trouble but if he loves Blitzø why wouldn't he a) try to learn him exactly as he is (see All 2 U) and b) share ALL that he has with him. why wouldn't he give him ALL that he has.

If they decide to lean on this and show what conflicts it causes, and I think it will given how they're pulling Stella and Striker together, I am rubbing my hands eagerly to see where it goes. And also to see how Ozzie and Bee react and start acting, because there's still two entire seasons to see where they go as characters, their stories aren't yet done

[rafesfavouritegirl]

ice rink ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

summary: you adore ice skating, and since it’s winter, the ice rinks back in town! you convince drew to go with you, and have the most amazing time!

warnings: none, just fluff!

notes: winter piece, not much but i changed my theme so ofc i had to write something wintery!! plus it was snowing so i was in my element . also mb for getting sloppy at the end

a few days back you were scrolling through your phone, mindlessly liking things and commenting on posts on instagram until you came across a post saying that the local ice rink had started up again, and you squealed with excitement

you had shown drew and convinced him to take you, because you just love and how could he say no to your cute little face? so, now you were making your way to the ice rink, forcing drew to let you two walk to take in all the christmasy magic

every shop window was light up with lights, as well as everything being decorated for christmas. you were squealing at nearly everything you saw, just so excited for it to finally be christmas. eventually you two made it to the ice rink, and as you were queued up to get you skates, you seen drew nervously biting his lip

you smirked and raised an eyebrow, looking him up and down as you saw this all of a sudden nervous demeanour. “what’s wrong?” you asked slyly, having a good idea already on what he was so nervous about

drew wasn’t a very good ice skater, as a kid he had fell once and never went back again, cringing at the thought of falling over again, especially since he was a grown man now. “just uh, just haven’t skated in a while…” he murmured, scratching the scruff on his chin

you giggled softly, finding it amusing how apprehensive he was about simple ice skating. “you’ll be fine drew, i’ll be there to help” you said, moving forward as it was now your turn to grab your skates

you two sat on a nearby bench, putting on your skates and lacing them up. you were done before drew, standing up and giggling as he struggled to do up his skates. “seriously? can’t even tie up his own skates” you tut as you slowly shake your head, bending down on one knee to help him with his skates

“hey! i said i haven’t been for awhile” drew defended himself, a small smile warming his face as he watched you easily tie up the laces. it was small things like that you did that he absolutely loved, and it reminded him of why he even fell in love with you in the first place

you tapped his foot when you were done, standing up and grabbing drew’s hand to drag him to the rink, sliding onto the ice with ease. drew on the other hand was like bambi, his legs wobbling as he hesitantly placed one foot on the white ice

“cmon, it’ll be fine” you giggled, lending him a hand. he accepted it immediately, gripping onto it like it was a lifeline.

after a few near falls, a couple giggles from you and grumpy grunts from drew, he gets the hang of it and you two are able to freely skate around the rink, all smiles and laughter floating around you two

“see you’ve got it!” you cheer as drew starts to speed up, now able to go a little faster for a more comfortable pace, instead of painfully slow. he smiled, feeling pretty proud of himself for getting over his nerves and actually being good at skating

“yeah, guess i do” he says, humble and polite as always. and that’s how you two end your day, skating, talking, playing around and just enjoying each others company and affection

the end 💕

[kavlitzlver]

2007 tom and f!reader go to the same school blah blah blah and then they do it in a classroom when the classes are over OR hcs about how they go to the same school both sfw and nsfw thank u

OKAY I LOVE THIS IDEA i can work with this, just hope you like it <33

be quiet.

Tom Kaulitz x Fem!reader

summary: You and Tom go to the same school together and secretly have been friends with benefits for quite some time now, neither of your other band members or anyone else at school knows, but seeing each other in school all the time and not fuck is harder than you both thought….

warnings : rough sex, p in v sex, fingering, oral sex

——————————————————

I feel his hand on my lap, slowly moving towards my inner thigh, his thumb stroking the soft skin of my legs that peeked through the tight black skirt I was wearing. “Tom..” I mumble as i nudge him, he grinned at my widened eyes as i scanned the room for any curious looks from our classmates, scared that someone might notice. It was so weird that no one noticed the looks Tom and I gave each other recently, how we behaved less like best friends but more like a couple, I feel like he didn’t even notice it himself. We’ve been sleeping with each other for a few months now, one day he’s my best friend and we’re goofing around like always, the next his hand is wrapped around my neck while he’s deep inside me. It was confusing.

“Been too long y/n….need you” he whispered into my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine, those words alone were enough to just take him right here and there, to send me over the edge in the middle of class.

“After school ‘kay?” I take his hand and place it back down on the table, nudging him in the shoulder “We’re in the middle of-“

“Y/n. Might wanna share what you and Tom are talking about? Sounds interesting” the teacher interrupted us, making me flinch away from him, I shook my head and focussed back on the lesson. I saw Bill turning around to us and giving me a silly look, I knew that he knew something was going on, it was Bill, he sensed those things. “After school at my place.” I say to Tom, not even looking at him when I felt his hand back on my thigh, he was so needy, so horny, all the damn time, I cross my legs, automatically making it impossible for him to arouse me, I could hear his sigh as he tried to focus back on the lesson.

—————————————————

Math class was over, I started packing up my stuff and was about to leave the room when I felt a tight grip around my waist. “Wait a sec.” Tom smirked, pulling me back to our seats, “Lets skip Biology hm?” he had that lustful grin on his face, his hands tightened, his tongue playing with his lip ring, I couldn’t say no, not to this look, not to him staring me up and down like that. “Can’t wait till after school..”

“You guys coming?” Bill stopped mid way, looking at us with crossed arms and raised eyebrows, i clear my throat. “Go ahead, we skip” Tom responded in a confident voice, knowing Bill would never skip a class in the last week of school. Bill nodded disappointedly, heading outside the classroom with Georg and Gustav, who looked just as confused.

I watched as Tom walked to the entry of the room, closing the door and locking it after making sure no one had seen us. I was taking off my jacket when I felt his two warm hands on my waist, his fingers digging into my soft skin, pulling me back in a swift motion, he presses me close to him, showing me how hard he is as he started kissing my neck. I was tense, unsure if that was really a good idea, wouldn’t we get in huge trouble when someone catches us?

“Tom I-“ he turns me around in a quick motion, my words being interrupted by a rough kiss, his hands wandered down to my thighs, gripping my legs and lifting me up on one of the tables. “You look so good in that skirt…so fucking good” his raspy whisper send shivers down my spine, he groaned into my neck as he grinded against my core through the soft material of my skirt. I let myself fall into the moment, shaking off every concern I had when I found my way into his jeans, unbuttoning them with the other and taking out the belt through the loops in a rough motion, throwing it somewhere on the floor.

The grin on his face as I started to slowly run my fingers along his length was unbearable, the way his eyes turned so lustful, he was making me insane, I get a hold onto his cock and start moving my hand back and forth, causing his grin to turn into a gasp, his head leaned back.

I take his pants off, letting them pool at his feet when I get off the table and down on my knees, my hands placed on his waist, my tongue liking the tip before I almost swallow him whole, the room now filled with his groans as he grabbed my hair into a ponytail. His moans like music to my ears, a grin formed on my face as I saw the pleasure I caused him. “Fuck…..”

“Get up….need to hurry baby” I shivered when he called me that, he never did before, I do as he said and sat back down on the table, i didn’t even bother taking of my skirt when Toms finger already played with the thin material of my panties, pulling them to the side and entering his middle finger into me in a swift motion, leaving me a moaning mess. He curled his finger just the right way to hit my g spot, his dreads falling into my face as he sucked on the soft skin of my neck, leaving marks just as always.

“Tom we need to hurry…” Moans cut off my speech, he nodded and exited my core, a gasp leaving my mouth as he licked my juices off his finger, positioning himself before my entrance. He entered me roughly, his hands on my waist as he pushed into me hard, not even stopping so I could adjust. “just like that..” he groaned, digging his fingers into my flesh. He quickened his pace even more, mouth open as he moaned in pleasure, his heartbeat racing just as mine as he kissed me roughly, his tongue intertwining with mine. I broke the kiss as i couldn’t contain my whimpers, sensing that i’m close to reaching my peak, “gonna cum..”

“I’m not done.” he grabbed me by my neck with one hand, the other now found a way under my skirt, his thumb circling around my clit when my legs began to tense, a satisfied smirk resting on his face as he witnessed the effect he had on me. My eyes were shut, mouth open as one moan escaped after the other when suddenly we heard someone trying to open the door.

Tom stayed inside me, but slowed down his movements as he continued to move in and out, his hand now roughly placed on my mouth to stop me from moaning. It seemed like whoever wanted to enter was now gone and Tom quickened up his pace again, rubbing my clit with his thumb and buttoning me completely until I was a moaning mess and reached my high. Tom was near the end too when his movements became sloppier and he finally released himself.

“Good girl…so…so good” he mumbled as our foreheads touched, “mhm…” i nod trying to catch my breath. I watched as Tom put his pants back on, handing me a paper towel to clean myself up before he kissed my neck one last time. He brushed my hair behind my back when a grin appeared on his face “hickeys look good on you.” I slapped him on the shoulder, my hand immediately on my neck when I ran to the mirror in the front of the classroom.

“I told you to stop doing that”

He opened the classroom door, completely ignoring my complain, “let’s go…before someone sees us”

——————————————————

Tom and I waited outside the school for the rest, seeing Bill, Georg and Gustav walk out the door, laughing about something.

“You guys wouldn’t believe what Sophie heard in one of the classrooms-“ I looked at Gustav with raised eyebrows, “Two people were having sex in the last lesson!” Georg continued where Gustav started, laughing his ass off just like the rest when Tom gave me a playful look, smirking at me. I faked my reaction, gasping when I kicked Tom in the chest.

“What?! Who would do that?!”

“Someone like Tom would…” Bill winked at his twin, I was right, he definitely knew.

[lemonmaid]

Poly Taskforce x Baker! Reader

A small part two, I had the idea while working today. It is very apparent that I just started watching Dexter.

Warnings: talks about murder. Gender neutral reader

To say Simon was smitten witn you could be an understatement.

Simon went far along to change his hours, Johnny complained about it for weeks, always mumbling in the ealry morning "why we need to open thus early? No one is gonna wanna have meat at 6 am".

He will always be there whenever you text or call, you want him to double check to make sure the store is locked up? No problem, you're lucky he lives above the shops.

The seasons were changing fast, the forcast called for snow later today. The door slammed open, "Has anyone seen john? I wanted to ask him to get lamb meat for these Shepherd pies I gotta make for the holiday season". Ah there you were in all your glory, you were wrapped up tight in layers of clothing.

"What's wrong with Si's meat- OW! Fuck Si, was kiddin'", Johnny rubbed the back of his head, mumbling before walking to the back freezer.

You looked at the two with an awkward expression, "Nothinh, i just wanted fresher lamb, anyways- Simon do you think you can look at my oven again? I think it's not heating right".

And see you in your cute white apron and pretend your his bonnie? Of course.

Simon hummed, "light probably out again, i can check it later tonight".

You smiled, "thanks Si, probably be lost without you".

The rest of the day was slow, slow to the point Johnny said he is gonna hit the pub early even though it was a bit of a walk. Simon really didn't want to work the front end, he hates talking to people kinda mutish but will carry a conversation if needed. Johnny did the talking for him, been talking and hasn't stop talking since primary school, hell the two were so close that Simon could call Johnny's ma his own. Johnny was always there, even when Simon didn't want to see his ugly mug, Johnny was there.

The front door chimed, Simon groaned, taking off his gloves and walked to the cash register, there was Kyle.

"Needing something Gaz?"

Kyle rolled his eyes at the nickname, they used to play together for their schools Rugby Team, their nicknames sticked together like glue. "Nah I just need your opinion on something".

Simon nodded, "police work?".

Kyle rubbed the back of his neck, "Yall need be safe out there tonight, another body was found in miller's creek- which i wanted to ask you simon- what does this look like to you".

Simon looked at the pictures, he's got to hand to the killer, these cuts are professional, "looks like a clear Butcher cut"

Kyle hummed, "do you mind coming down to the station to give a statement? I think we would like your word-"

Simon crossed his arms, "You're not accusing me right Deputy?"

I mean, it was a good guess. There's only two Butcher shops in town, Simon's store was in the middle of no where and the other was three miles out of town, he's got to hand it to the killer, he does know his way around a blade. And after the incident that happened when he was a kid, wouldn't put it past Kyle for assuming him.

"Oh god, of course not Si! Listen the sheriff wants to figured out quick- doesn't want to alarm the folks here or more rumors".

Oh of course, Simon is aware of how people just talk in this town. A couple of years ago there was rumors of him and Johnny being a couple on the count of they don't go to church, old crazy people.

Just as they were bout to leave, Johns truck comes in speeding.

"Kyle! We need a immediate medic attention".

In the passenger seat was Johnny, very bloodied, beaten beyond recognition.

The bastard went to far.

[bl-bracket]

Ok so I'm still in the process of making round 1 (got all the back end stuff done, just need to make the actual polls which can take a couple hours) but I've had yet ANOTHER idea for a kind of bl gimmick blog thing that I wanted to share

So have y'all heard of 6 Degrees of Separation? basically it's a whole concept of every person in the world being connected through 6 degrees of separation max (so a knows b who knows c who knows d etc). But then there was also a spin off that I remember hearing about a while back called 6 Degrees of Kevin Bacon, where it was the claim that Kevin Bacon had worked with everyone in Hollywood within max 6 movies (so Kevin was in movie a which also featured actor z who was also in movie b which featured director y who was also in movie c etc). There was even a website

The idea is then to create a version of this for Thai dramas, cause like there is a ton of cast overlap in the ql world at least, and I feel like you can connect a lot of Thai dramas together within 6 degrees.

My original thought was like connecting it by dramas. So for example going from like Kinnporsche to Fish Upon the Sky and trying to find the most direct line of connection between the two shows. The other idea is to just connect it between actors themselves. So like Tor Thanapob to Jeff Satur.

What would this information accomplish? not much but it's fun for me to look up and cool to see how connected everything is

Anyways I already play this game a lot with myself when I need to search up stuff on mdl. Sometimes when I'm already on the page of a Thai drama, I hop around to try to get to the next one by doing this.

The idea then would be a blog where I would show the connections. I could randomize some but people could also request for me to find the connections between two dramas or actors.

The reason why I'd keep it to just Thai dramas is that other country's qls don't tend to draw from the same pool of actors as much, so it would require navigating through a lot of stuff blindly on my end. It could be done, but would require someone more familiar with that country's dramas/movies at large and not just their ql stuff (which is what I mainly know).

anyways does anyone else find this conceptually interesting or am I just alone in a sea of my particular brand of autism lol

[baronessvonglitter]

Cherry, Cherry 🍒 Chapter 20 🍒

"Baby Loves Me"

Joel Miller x f!Reader

Word count: 8,823 (she's a big'un)

Summary: A blizzard, a wedding, family secrets, and two people who can't stop thinking about each other. Are these fateful events going to drive you apart for good, or bring you even closer together?

(Warnings contain spoilers beneath the cut)

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, age gap (reader is 39, Joel is 56), takes place a few days before Christmas 2023, mention of eating food/drinking alcohol, mention of health issues, oral (m & f receiving), Ellie has anger issues, use of guns for recreational shooting, jealous!Joel, mutual pining, reader wears makeup and dresses, unprotected piv, creampie, TW for minor heart attack and hospitalization (everything is okay in the end), getting back together and having a happily ever after. In this universe everyone is alive and happy.

Author's Note: this series was the first story I ever posted on AO3 and then recently here on tumblr. I had no idea so many people would love it, and it's currently my most liked, most commented-on, and most bookmarked work on AO3 ♥️ It feels so good to finally have this complete, but I will write some one-shots about this couple in the future, because part of me really doesn't want to let them go. Much love to those who stuck around and showed their support while I got this story hammered out. I love and appreciate all of you!

Please enjoy this playlist for your listening pleasure, songs that either appear in the series or provided inspiration

Series Masterlist

It's early when Joel wakes, sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed as he puts his hand to his heart, eyes scrunched closed tight as he prepares himself for the increasingly painful palpitations. He grunts in suffering at the agony of the erratic pounding of his heart, body tense until it passes, and he sighs with relief, head in his hands as he runs his fingers through his greying locks.

It's been almost a week now that he's had these pains, happening every day now that Sarah's wedding day is nearing. He gets them on and off but lately stress has been catching up to him and reminding him he's not in his thirties anymore. Hell, he'd give anything just to be in his forties again.

He gets up to get a glass of water, quickly throwing on a shirt before going downstairs. The house is quiet though he can see the electric glow of the television light on underneath yours and Ellie's rooms. He hesitates just outside of your room, putting an ear to the door, hoping to catch some tidbit of your voice, some clue as to what you're doing in there, but it's quiet, just the low volume of something playing on TV.

With a sigh he goes down to the kitchen.

Alone with his thoughts, affected by the presence of you and Ellie under his own roof, he takes stock of his life, of all the moments he failed you when he should have been there for you.

That first night he set foot back in Austin after serving time in the Bexar County jail, wondering if he should call you, he'd gone instead to a bar and met Hailey. He didn't recognize her at first, but she'd come on so strong, and the alcohol ran freely that night, so by the time he'd taken her home and her warm, tight little mouth was wrapped around his cock, it was too late. He didn't expect that that one night would lead to her wanting more, but by then you were gone, tucked back safely away in Houston where he couldn't get his hands on you and where you could (he'd hoped) in time forget about him. You were too much of a good girl with too much potential to waste it on someone like him. Hailey was someone who was always going to be stuck in a small town, so he didn't have to worry he was holding her back. But he soon came to realize that all they had between them was fucking. Not that he'd ever minded it in the past, but after having you, experiencing what real love was like, what Hailey offered felt like a cheap replacement, and he just wasn't that man anymore. He knew Sarah hated her, so when he caught Hailey stealing from him he knew that was the last straw and ended things.

Sad to say he went back to his usual routine from before he met you. Working from sunup to sundown, coming home with new aches in his joints to a meal Sarah had had to cook herself, or pizza that had gone cold. On the weekends he'd be at the bar, either with Tommy or more often alone, and he'd find a woman and wind up at her place. He could never bring them back to his, not in his bed that he shared with you.

Seeing you in New Orleans that summer night had been a shock to his system. He thought he'd managed to get over you just a little, but seeing you, a little older than the last time, looking soft and happy and bright-eyed as you laughed with Tommy.. and that fucking rock on your finger that signaled you were taken. Something primeval in him stirred when he ran into you in that restroom hallway, your lips full and glossy from making out with his brother, jealousy surging through him that you'd be so willing to cheat on your husband-to-be with someone other than himself.. it led him to want you more than he'd ever wanted anything in his life.

Leaving you the next day had been the hardest thing, but he had to remind himself you were going to belong to another. He couldn't get in the way of that, not when he'd only shown his love for you by fucking you in a bar restroom. You were going to marry a military man and have a respectable life, that was what he wanted for you. To have a life with Joel would only make you sordid, ripe for gossip. He was old enough to be your father and you were in fact his his best friend's daughter. He couldn't sully your life with his mistakes.

On a last minute whim he'd come to your wedding, sat at the very back as you were oblivious to him, staring into your husband's eyes as you spoke your vows, each word a piece of jagged glass in his heart. He'd left before you could see him, driving back to Texas at a high rate of speed, gripping the steering wheel with white knuckles. Why hadn't he just objected? He could have done it, raised his hand and told the entire congregation that you were his god damn it. He would have led you out, carrying you bridal style, ripped your damn dress off you and fucked you senseless.

It was later that Tommy suggested the dating app. Joel wasn't a fan of technology, and in fact still had his old Nokia phone that Sarah was warning him was becoming obsolete and cajoled him into upgrading to a smartphone. Once she and Tommy had helped him with setting up a profile on eHarmony, the requests piled in. Women from all over the state showed their interest. He had his pick of almost anyone. While he went on a few fruitless dates (some of which actually ended up in sex) there were few that actually interested him.

Until Tess. She was so much like him, and more suited to his age. A divorcee, she knew what she wanted in a relationship and stuck by her values. Beneath her tough exterior Joel found she was actually very kindhearted, even sweet. She cared about animals, liked beer, and was a homebody. She'd resisted his charms at first, but eventually neither could give in to the spark they felt. It took some convincing to get her to marry him. She accepted only on the terms that he move to Boston. She'd visited Texas a few times on business, but she wanted to stay in the northeast, and Joel, in love again for the first time in years, acquiesced.

The problem was they were too much alike. Both wanted to lead, and while he was happy to let Tess have the reigns now and then, it became an issue. This led to more arguments, tense discussions over things that shouldn't have mattered. The divorce, when it finally happened, was a blessing in disguise. Joel followed Tommy away from Boston and found comfort here in Wyoming, in a place he could start anew.

Sarah had been none too subtle when she brought you up in conversation. "Did you know she's a teacher?" "She's single now, divorced actually." "She's in California with her daughter."

Every damn day there was a phone call or a text where you were mentioned. And now, with you here under his roof at Sarah's behest, it was apparent that she was trying to get you two back together again.

He knew he needed to speak with you about that comment you uttered, about "our" daughter Ellie. He'd done the math in his head, just to be safe, and had calculated that he could indeed be her dad. But he had to get the honest answer from you.

It'd be easy if you would at least acknowledge his presence.

Your cold shoulder is more like an arctic icy blast. Your refusal to even meet his eye is like an arrow through his heart. He wishes that you would at least glare at him, or say something sarcastic or hurtful, but your silence is the coldest thing, even with the blizzard outside.

He's hopeful during one moment the next morning, as he's going into the hall restroom while you're coming out. Freshly showered, you're wearing a towel around your body, skin glowing, hair combed back and damp. The steam that surrounds you from your hot shower makes you look like a figure from a movie, an ethereal angel come to earth. His breath catches in his throat as you look up at him, your beautiful eyes wide and plush lips parted. Then you resume your coldness, pulling your towel tighter around you as you go to your room. When he steps in he smells the jasmine aroma of your body wash still in the air around him his dick hardens in response.

Hearing that Sofia has arrived is the one bright spot in your time here.

You meet her at the Tipsy Bison after everyone has helped out shoveling snow off the path. You'd found yourself working next to Joel and said nothing to him, ignoring his silent appeal for you to talk to him.

Now the crew is indulging in some food and beer at the bar while you catch up with your cousin.

"How did you get in? I thought the roads were impassable," you tell her after a big hug and an introduction to her fiancee Ruby. It had come as a surprise to you when she'd told you she was marrying a woman, but Sofia had said she'd only followed her heart and didn't consider herself stuck to any sort of label. Ruby was the perfect person for her and there was no looking back.

"Tommy sent a pilot friend of his to pick us up from the airport when our taxi couldn't make it through the snow," she says, nearly knocked over as Ellie pummels her with a bear hug. "We were helicoptered in, like a couple of VIPs."

It's like old times as you share a booth altogether, different kinds of appetizers in the center of the table as you catch up on things.

"How did you manage to still stay friends with Tommy?" you ask when Ruby and Ellie go to make change for the jukebox. Hearing that Sofia is staying with Tommy and Maria during their visit, you can't help but wonder how other people can so easily put aside the past.

"I think it helped that we were friends before we started dating," she shrugs. "And.. to be honest, our relationship never got that serious. Not like you and Joel," she finishes in a whisper, darting a glance at the elder Miller brother, who's knocking back some beer with Tommy and a few others.

"Why do you ask?" Sofia continues.

"I don't know how to deal with being under the same roof as Joel," you admit. "Everything that he put me through.. I know we're only here for a few days but it feels like an eternity. It's becoming harder to avoid him."

"You should talk to him," she says gently. "You don't have to be best friends or anything, but you're a friend of the bride. You should at least be civil."

You sneak a look over your shoulder at him, just to find he's already staring at you. You quickly turn away.

"Does he know about.." Sofia motions with her head toward Ellie, who's at the jukebox with Ruby.

"No," you respond. "And he doesn't need to know."

"That's not fair to him," she softly scolds you.

"You are the only one I've trusted with this, Sofia. Please do not make me regret telling you."

Sofia is really the only family you have left. You never saw you father after that fateful night when Joel fought him, and your mother disowned Ellie when she came out, causing you to disown your mother in return. Your circle is small but faithful.

She backs off. "All right," she relents. "But what about Ellie? She'll resent you for keeping this a secret this long."

You watch your daughter, who's drifted from the jukebox to one of the pool tables, mindlessly spinning the cue ball upon the soft green surface. She's distracted when she sees another girl across the room, a pretty dark-haired girl around her own age, watching Ellie furtively, as if fascinated.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" Ellie shouts, causing the girl to run away.

"Ellie!" you snap at her, and to your astonishment Joel walks past you to go to her. You freeze, watching their interaction, but all seems to be okay as they talk quietly.

"I don't know what to do for her. I don't know how to help her.. she's so angry, especially since the divorce. And Justin rarely ever sees her. The only thing he's good for is the child support." You swig your beer, itching to go and talk to her, but the stubborn side of you refuses to be closer to Joel than is necessary.

Sofia folds her napkin in sections. "She called me and told me about Riley.. and the little mishap at the mall."

Earlier that year, Ellie and Riley had been picked up by the cops for trespassing in an abandoned mall and vandalizing some stores. It was completely unlike her, and even though you both sought family therapy for all the issues you were going through, it didn't seem to be making much leeway.

"She doesn't seem so angry now," Sofia mentions, and you turn to see Joel and Ellie starting a game of pool. You both watch as she tries to pull off complicated trick shots and Joel just shakes his head in feigned frustration. Once again your gaze lingers too long and you lock eyes, but this time you offer a tiny smile, mouthing 'thanks.'

"Hey Mom, can I go with Joel and Finn? Joel said I have to ask you."

You look up from where you're steam-cleaning your dress for the rehearsal dinner tonight. "Where are you going?"

"It's near the woods on Joel's property. We're just going for a hike," she shrugs.

"I guess.. just behave yourself, okay?"

She grins, glad to have gotten permission. You follow her down to the foyer where Joel and Finn are getting their hats and gloves on. "Be careful," you tell them, though it's mostly meant for Joel.

"Of course. You're okay with her shootin'?"

"What?!"

Ellie manages to look chagrined. "I didn't think you'd let me go if you knew guns would be involved."

"Well you thought right!"

"I won't let her if you won't allow it," Joel offers.

"Come on!" Ellie groans.

"Just remember that you're on thin ice back home," you tell her without wanting to let on to the others about Ellie's troubled past.

"Somethin' the matter?" Joel asks, eyes darting between you and her.

"Nope," Ellie's all smiles when you hesitate to answer. "Let's get going!"

She and Finn race out the door into the snowy yard just as Joel stops for a brief moment. "I won't let her shoot if you don't want her to," he says solemnly.

The nearness of him, the rich baritone of his voice could easily bring you to your knees. It feels like a chore just to swallow that emotion and consider it dead, a mistake.

"Just be careful," you repeat, a smile flitting on your lips. Heat rises in your face when you see his gaze drop down to your mouth, his tongue peeking out to swipe across his own lips.

"You could come with us."

Your first instinct is to refuse, to keep that wall built between him and yourself. Good fences make good neighbors and brick walls keep people from reliving past trauma.

But damn it's hard to say no when he's here right in front of you, after all this time, and the parts of you that have healed just want to give in, to go into his arms again.

It's not a surprise when you're in the passenger seat of his truck, like old times. And though it's a newer model and the seats have warmers and the upholstery makes the whole car smell like it was just driven off the lot, in a way it still feels like summer 2003.

Finn's done this before, the apple of his grandfather's eye. Even with the skill of a child, he shoots with ease, knocking down most of the targets Joel had set up on a fence.

When it's Ellie's turn she's eager for the gun, but her practice shots are haphazard: off an old fallen tree, a random snowbank. She huffs in frustration.

"Wide right," Joel tells her. "You're flinchin'."

Ellie shakes her head. "The target's too small."

"I made it bigger than I should've. Eject the cartridge."

You watch your only child move with precision, handling the gun with ease despite being new to this. "I'm not flinching, the rifle just sucks."

You and Finn exchange a look, suppressing your laughter.

"Okay, give it." Joel changes places with Ellie, who quips, "It doesn't aim right, you'll see."

It's hard to tear your eyes from him as he sets up, moving with the ease of someone half his age. "A deep breath in, slow breath out. You squeeze the trigger like you love it," he says, ignoring Ellie's teasing remarks. "Gentle, steady, nice and slow."

"You gonna shoot this thing or get it pregnant?" she smirks, and when you laugh out loud Joel shakes his head, pulling off the perfect shot.

After, you rest on the tailgate of the truck while drinking warm beverages from your thermoses. Ellie and Finn gather their energy quickly enough, playing in the snow and chasing each other. It brightens your day to see your daughter smiling.

"I wanna apologize for the other day," Joel says, his eyes flicking to you. "I was outta line. I've apologized to Ellie too. I think she and I are good now."

You nod, somewhat relieved that he'd brought it up first. "I'm sorry too. I guess I get pretty riled up when someone tries to out-parent me."

Joel looks away, towards the mountains that peak their grayness against the clear blue sky. "He been outta the picture long?"

"Who? Justin?" You notice Joel winces at your ex husband's name. "Long enough. He was supposed to spend time with her for Christmas but chose his new wife over his own daughter. She didn't take it very well."

"Fuckin' bastard," he mutters. "Always figured there was a reason for me to not like him."

You give him a strange look. "You didn't know him."

"Didn't need to. He took you away from me. That's reason enough."

"Joel," you say quietly, both a scolding and a scoff. You remember his body against yours that night, the way your sheets bore his scent until the day before Justin came back from out of town and you had to wash away the evidence of your betrayal.

"I'm sorry I didn't go after you. There were a million opportunities and I failed each time."

You say his name again, with softness this time, your hand finding his, his palm almost completely dwarfing yours. You think about his fingers inside you, teasing you for the first time, showing you how to open up to him, and how you ended up giving away your whole heart.

In the moment where you can say the most heartwarming or romantic or even angry thing, what comes out of your mouth is: "You never accepted my friend request."

Joel looks puzzled. "What?"

"My friend request. On Facebook. I tried to add you but you never accepted it, so I canceled it." Cringing at your own words, how needy they sound, you take your hand from his, but he traps it within his own again.

"Darlin', I never look at that stuff. I only got one 'cause everyone else goaded me into it." His eyes look mirthful as he sees your doleful eyes.

"And that's how I found out about Tess.."

"Oh." The mirthful look is gone, replaced by a dark, blank look. The first marriage, the only marriage he ever had, so late in life, ended.

"What was she like?"

"Why do you wanna know?" He looks at the ground, as if the snow is so interesting. "What was that idiot fuckboy husband of yours like?"

You almost laugh, surprised that he's jealous, even after you've moved on from your marriage.

"He wasn't as great as I thought," you shrug. "But that doesn't matter now."

Joel smiles, agreeing. "Tess was.. we were good for awhile but you're right, doesn't matter now."

"Because we both turned out okay.. me and you."

He thinks it over a bit, eventually nodding. "Yeah.." His deep brown eyes meet yours, and you catch a glimmer of the man he was before, twenty years past, a single dad with a teenage girl and an interest in the new girl next door. "I'm sorry.. for everything. We happened so fast that my brain had to catch up with my heart."

You're afraid that if you think about it for too long you'll cry and never stop. "We don't have to talk about that.."

He nods, looking a little sad that you declined. "You're right, we don't."

"Look at you with all this land," you smile, gently teasing him to change the subject. "What are you gonna do with all of it?"

Joel shrugs, looking at his property, thinking again of the possibilities. "I might decide to turn it into a ranch, raise sheep," he shrugs. "They're quiet and do what they're told."

He's quiet another moment, before his voice drops an octave. "I'm really glad you came, babygirl.. it's really good to see you. Don't think I said that before."

A smile graces your lips, a genuine one, and the warmth of his words melts what's left of your defenses. "Joel.. there's something I need to tell you.. about Ellie.." The words are out before you even think.

Your heart pounds, taking residence in your throat as if to keep the truth from spilling out. Joel turns his whole body to you. His eyes search yours, without question or condemnation, as if he's willing you to say it because he already knows, because he just wants it made real.

When the moment passes it's a disappointment to both of you. It's getting later in the afternoon and you still need to get ready for tonight. The kids trudge back to the truck and you get in next to Joel in the front. There's a quietness that fills the space, thick and somewhat desperate.

The Tipsy Bison has gone through another temporary makeover for the rehearsal dinner: garlands of lights arch across the ceiling from beam to beam, creating a pleasant, dreamy atmosphere. People mill around waiting for the bride and groom who are running a little late. Drinks are served and tables of food boast different kinds of cuisine.

Ellie makes a beeline for the hors d'oevres, immediately picking out what she wants and stuffing it straight into her mouth as if she hasn't seen food in months. Joel watches her from the next table over, trying hard as hell not to call her out too harshly, but as his stomach growls he joins her in the hunt for sustenance.

A tray of pastel-colored macarons catches Ellie's eye and she takes a light green treat with her fingers. "What are these?" She scrutinizes it, taking a quick sniff.

"It's some kinda cookie.. or something.. how the hell should I know?" he grumbles.

"Pistachio," she grunts in disgust, putting it back on the plate.

"Well, now don't put it back, you've already touched it and sniffed it and everything.." Joel quickly pops the discarded macaron into his mouth.

"If you want 'em they're all yours," she says, giving his shoulder a couple heavy claps before moving on down the line of food.

He just shakes his head, looking around for you for the tenth time tonight, finding you with Sarah and her soon-to-be inlaws at the bar. His mouth goes dry at the sight of you in a dark red dress, long-sleeved, cinched at the waist, and he feels a familiar rush of blood to his cock as he eyes the thigh-length slit on one side of the skirt.

"That color is sensational on you."

You turn to the voice you've just heard, as the group you were talking with disperses.

"Hi," you tell the older, well-dressed man in front of you. "I don't believe we've met." But then it hits you, and just as he introduces himself you realize you already know his name.

"I'm Frank," he says, a Duchenne smile lighting up his features and crinkling the wrinkles around his eyes. He's handsome, and very friendly. And he was friends with Joel during his marriage to Tess.

He introduces you to his husband Bill, who regards you with a certain suspicion and gives a gruff acknowledgement to your hello. "He's like that with everyone," Franks explains in a stage whisper, while rolling his eyes. "He's just a big grump, but I love him."

"I'm a friend of the bride," you tell them after giving your name, and also introducing Ellie, who's arrived next to you with a plate piled high with shrimp, pulled pork sliders, and mini cheesecakes.

"She's a friend of Joel's," Frank tells Bill, as if to clarify.

"Um, yes.. I'm also a friend of his," you agree. Pretending to spot someone across the room, you excuse yourself, giving a subtle motion for Ellie to follow you, but she stays where she is, popping a whole shrimp in her mouth, eyeing the couple.

"There's a story there," Frank says enticingly as he sips his beer.

"What do you mean?" she asks, curious about the gossip.

Bill gives him a look and shakes his head. "She's a kid, she doesn't need your dramatic stories."

"Now I have to know!" Ellie insists.

Frank feigns annoyance. "Oh all right."

He weaves the tale of Joel and his wife Tess: happily married at first, so alike in attitude and hobbies. She thought she knew everything about the man she married, but when Tommy, in a drunken game of poker one night, recalled a certain young woman who Joel knew, a woman who could tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue, Joel told his brother, in a similar drunken state, that he remembered her fondly, missed her like crazy, she was the one who got away.

Tess wasn't the type to hound someone for details, but she didn't like there was a part of Joel's past that she didn't know about. Especially if that past was filled with him falling in love with and screwing a college girl. This naturally led to arguments that Tess refused to drop. Joel didn't want to relive that time with you, and insisted it meant nothing since you were well and truly out of his life.

But the damage had been done, and the thorn of jealousy had pierced Tess's heart. You were a stranger to her and still could not be defeated.

Frank recalled with suppressed glee the night Tess had stormed out on a dinner party, ranting at Joel about "not being able to get over a stupid ass teenager" and causing a scene for the others to eat up. It had embarrassed Joel deeply, but when news of Sarah's wedding had become known, Joel couldn't keep it secret from the friends of his ex-wife. He'd come to like them in his own way, especially Bill, with whom he shared a predilection for quiet and keeping to one's self. They hunted and fished like old times and soon enough both he and Frank were invited to the wedding.

"There's a saying that goes," Frank is telling Ellie, "'everyone can see it but them.'"

Ellie glances at you across the room, and then at Joel. You and he trade silent, surreptitious glances at one another, filled with longing. You glance at him and he catches you before you glance away, and vice versa. The signal between your gazes is irrefutable. There's something there, has been all this time. All it needed was a little meddling from Sarah to bring the spark back to life.

For the first time Ellie sees you as something more than her mother. She realizes you had a past, a life before she was born, and a fraction of that life was spent in love with a man she just met a couple days ago.

"Hey Mom, can you help?"

Hearing Ellie, you immediately shift into Mom Mode, stopping your own get-ready routine to assist her. She's in your doorway, holding out her wrists. She picked out the suit herself, but the cufflinks are something new.

"Did you get these from your dad?"

"Joel let me borrow them for today."

It's finally the day of the wedding, and as the ceremony isn't until the evening, the whole house is a kind of organized chaos from morning through the afternoon. As if your nerves weren't already on fire, Sarah had approached you early that morning (fortunately for her while you were drinking your coffee) and asked if you'd replace one of her bridesmaids who'd come down with a cold overnight and couldn't attend.

You'd reasoned with her that you didn't have a bridesmaid dress, but that was easily solved when it was revealed the bridesmaids were all wearing jewel tones, and the sapphire gown you'd purchased off the rack would do just fine.

You had anticipated being part of a crowd. Now you'd be at the front of the congregation, all eyes on you, especially Joel's.

Shaking yourself from your thoughts, you finish helping Ellie with her cufflinks and let her entertain you with whatever teenage thought is flipping around in her brain while you touch up your makeup.

"I'm supposed to meet with Sarah and the bridal party at the church. You can ride with me or you'll have to find a ride with someone else."

"Joel will take me."

You brush away some stray powder on your cheek. "Are you sure?"

"Maybe he could take both of us. Want me to ask him?"

"No--"

But she's gone before you can stop her.

You feel Joel's eyes on you as you during the short drive to the church, and you blame the heat you feel coursing through your body on the seat warmer.

"It's a nice thing you're doin' for Sarah, steppin' in at the last minute," he says, eyes finally on the road.

"I can't let down a bride in need," you say somewhat cheerfully. "She'd do the same for me."

"Maybe at your next wedding." Ellie pipes up from the backseat, and Joel's frown is not lost on you.

The lead-up to the actual ceremony is a blur, as it was at your own wedding fifteen years before. The bridal party clusters around Sarah, who looks radiant, as she promises she isn't nervous. You can sense her agitation in the way her knee bounces as she's seated, one of the bridesmaids doing a last minute touch up to her hair. The air is heavy with excitement, the scent of hair spray and perfume all around you, reminding you that you're flammable.

"Remember this day," you advise her, and she looks up at you with a grateful smile. "It goes by unbelievably fast."

You wonder if you'll ever have this again, the butterflies in your stomach as you wait for the moment when you see your man at the aisle, awaiting you. You were lucky to have it once. Twice would be an anomaly, considering you haven't had a real relationship in so long.

Joel knocks and, granted entrance, the bridesmaids flutter about, getting ready for their entrance into the church. The bride and her father are left alone, no doubt exchanging words of love before he gives her away to her true love.

You had no one to walk down the aisle with when you were a bride, and the memory threatens to cloud your mind as you take your small bouquet of white roses and camellias. "Canon in D" starts, and the line makes its way down the aisle, towards the altar where Theo and his groomsmen wait.

Situated at the altar, the congregation rises as the music changes, and Sarah walks in, arm in arm with Joel.

Your eyes are on him the entire time, and your heart feels to big to fit in your chest. You've never seen Joel in a suit, but this one is perfectly tailored to his broad, strong physique. His hair is perfectly styled, his grey visible through the curls you long to run your fingers through.

When Sarah and Theo exchange vows your gaze unexpectedly meet Joel's and this time neither of you look away. You catch the glimmer of a tear falling down his cheek, which he does not wipe away. The bride and groom's words seem to ring loud and true: a promise of love through hard times and illness; of love that only grows in each others' absence; of love that does not die even after death.

The reception is held at the Tipsy Bison, and you marvel at how it's managed to disguise itself once more from a saloon to an elegant wedding atmosphere. A lot of money has gone into the week's events, and you know it's all Joel's doing. He's giving away his daughter, sending her off in style, giving her a day she'll remember forever.

You watch Sarah and Joel during their father-daughter dance, a tradition you didn't get to have yourself. "I Loved Her First" by Heartland starts up by the band onstage, and it tugs on your heartstrings to watch them. In the back of your mind you see them, Joel still thirty-six and Sarah still fourteen. By the time Sarah and Theo have their first dance as husband and wife you're already in the ladies' room, splashing cold water on your face so no one can see you've been crying.

Later, the bridesmaids and groomsmen have scattered, dancing or drinking at the bar, mingling. You stay at your seat at the now nearly-empty wedding party table, fingers twirling the stem of your champagne glass.

Mired in your own thoughts, you don't realize Joel has approached, crouching next to you.

"Dance with me?" he asks, his voice nearly a rasp with how nervous he is.

Wordlessly you take his hand, which practically dwarfs your own, as he leads you to the dance floor. You fall into a rhythm as the band starts up "Tennessee Whiskey", swaying softly to the music. His right hand rests on your lower back, gently guiding you. Your heart pounds as you gaze into his eyes. You haven't been this close to him since the night you conceived Ellie, the fateful night that threw a wrench into all your plans.

"It was a beautiful wedding," you lean in close to be heard over the music.

Joel shivers at your proximity, the brush of your lips against his ear, and he pulls you a little closer. "I'm happy you came all this way for it. You didn't have to."

"I wanted to," you affirm, your hand gliding up to his shoulder.

The air is thick with tension, much like in the days you'd first met. You have to turn away or risk your feelings made known to everyone here.

Ellie's at one of the booths with the dark-haired girl from a couple days ago, watching something on her phone. As the girl laughs you see Ellie looking at her with a warmth you haven't known her capable of for anyone else.

"She's going to hate me for having to take her away again.." you tell him. "I haven't seen her this happy in a long time."

He clears his throat. "Maybe now she has a reason to return." He nods towards Ellie and her new friend.

Your limbs stiffen a little in response. You're not yet ready to think about the future, the possibilities it holds. You've barely begun to mend your friendship with Joel.

"Maybe," you relent, quietly, a promise made in the ether.

Joel's silent as the music moves smoothly in the air between you. His grip tightens on your body as he asks, "She's mine, ain't she?"

You snap from your thoughts, your heart in your throat as you stop dancing. "Excuse me?" Your eyes bore into him, daring him to speak the truth for himself.

"The other day you said 'our daughter'.. the timeline's right, I'm not that bad at math," he manages a smile.

"Joel, I.." you shake your head. "It's all too much. I can't think about this right now."

"Just tell me the truth," he says quietly.

"What would it matter if she was?"

"It'd make a whole hell of a difference. Two daughters, two Miller girls. Don't you think somethin' like that would make me happy?"

For a rare moment you let yourself think about the day your mother came to get you, pull you back home to Houston seeped in shame and regret. She'd lied and manipulated facts to get you on her side. You vowed you'd never be like her or put Ellie through that.

"Yes, Joel.." you whisper. "She's yours.."

The joy that shines in his eyes is like nothing you've ever seen before. When his arms wrap around you your lips find his as if twenty years has never passed between you. Right there, in the middle of the dance floor, you're making out like teenagers.

"I want you," he growls.

"Let's get out of here," you agree.

You're barely through the front door of his home when he presses you to the wall, his mouth hungry for yours. You hadn't thought you'd experience this level of passion again, but time has not diminished it for either of you.

"Joel," you moan as he presses himself to you, the blunt hardness of his erection teasing you. "Fuck me, Joel.."

He groans at your words, body aching with desire as he goes to his knees in front of you, lifting the hem of your dress. He presses messy kisses along your thighs while his hands roam over your hips and ass, his breath hot against your skin as he approaches the spot he most wants to taste again.

"Been too long, darlin'," he murmurs as he pulls your lacy underwear down your legs. "Been too damn long since I had you like this."

You kick your panties off, hooking one leg over his shoulder as he dives in, tongue lapping at your sweet pussy like a thirsty man finally finding water.

He stays there, tongue dancing between your folds and then tickling your clit, tasting you so deeply that you cry out, head falling back, body arched towards him, fingers tangled in his hair. Joel feasts like a man starved, slurping you up, inhaling your scent that surrounds him. There's nothing about you that's changed. You're still so sensitive to his touch, responsive to his lips, tongue, and now fingers pressed deep inside, finding the spot that makes you scream while his lips purse around your throbbing clit.

He doesn't stop after you come. He feasts on you over and over again, making up for lost time, pleading for your forgiveness this way, literally on his knees until you scream his name, convulsing around his fingers, your honey collecting on his large digits. Only when you feel completely boneless does he remove them gently, licking up your syrupy taste.

Joel picks you up, your dress falling back in to place as he carries you bridal style up to his room.

All roads have led back to him. No matter where you went, no matter who you chose, Joel was always going to be there at the end of the path, your guiding light, even when you thought you hated him and when you thought he would never choose you again.

Even now, his body over yours, he's the missing piece of the puzzle. He teases you with his cock until you beg him to just put it in, to make you whole again. The glorious slide of his flesh into yours causes you both to gasp and your bodies still for a moment, taking in the significance of this act which you've done so many times before.

He's older now, but his vigor is not gone. He fucks you gently at first, then with impatience, as if he's afraid you'll dissolve like a dream in daylight. You'd know the feel of his cock among any other, the smooth outline and the ridges, the way he's molded his perfect shape into you, marked you years ago when you were a virgin, as if leaving his initials inside you. Mine.

You've never had a man to match him, never had someone so in sync with your body. He knows all your buttons, every dip and valley that his hand caresses. He's mapped out your skin like a cartographer, claiming the land in his own name.

You come almost too quickly the first time, before he flips you on top of him, gripping your hips as you ride him. "Love you," you moan as you come close to the edge again, heart and soul flying ahead of you into the bliss you've only really known with him.

Beneath you Joel's eyes go wide when you come, his hips lifting up into you, warmth spilling into your core.

"Babygirl," he whispers, a choked grunt as he turns pale, his skin clammy and sweaty when he loses consciousness.

As soon as Sarah and Ellie arrive at the hospital you hug them, overcome with worry for Joel's medical emergency.

"How is he?" Sarah asks, still in her wedding dress. Even in the emergency waiting room she's generating a lot of interested looks her way.

"They just took him in a few minutes ago," you tell her, secretly glad she wasn't there to see her dad in such shape. "I think it was a heart attack.."

"Oh my god," she puts her hand over her mouth and sits on the nearest chair, Ellie right next to her, comforting her.

"The party's winding down at the bar," Ellie explains. "Only a few people know-- Theo, Tommy, Maria.."

"We didn't want to worry anyone else," Sarah adds.

You look at her, heart aching. This is supposed to be her special day.. and if something happens to Joel--

Don't think like that.

The three of you sit down, drinking stale coffee from the machine down the hall. Soon Tommy joins you, Theo staying at the house to keep an eye on Finn.

The worst thoughts poke through your brain, teasing you and taunting you. But at last the doctor comes out, a guy even younger than yourself, green scrubs and white coat.

He talks with the family, letting them know the diagnosis. "It was a silent myocardial infarction, basically a mild heart attack," he explains it. "He's going to be fine and he's resting right now."

"A heart attack?" Tommy and Sarah exclaim together.

"At his age it's not uncommon.. he's fifty-six years old," the doctor checks the chart. "Now, we have him on some aspirin and beta-blockers. Tests show he doesn't have enough blockage to necessitate surgery, but he'll need blood pressure medication and to keep a healthier lifestyle."

"Can we see him?" you ask.

"Yes, two at a time, preferably. We want to keep him calm while we're monitoring him." He checks the chart again and looks at you. "You brought him in, correct, ma'am?"

"Yes.. why?"

"What was Mr. Miller doing before he exhibited symptoms of his coronary event?"

"Um.. what?" you pretend not to understand.

"What was he doing before he had his heart attack?"

"Mild heart attack," Tommy emphasizes.

"Well.." you race to think of what to tell him.

"I take it you were celebrating a wedding," the doctor says, seeing Sarah in her dress and the rest of you in tuxes and gowns and whispers a 'Congratulations' to her.

"Yes. Well, we danced.." you answer, and the doctor keeps his eyes on you as if he knows you're lying.

You go up to him, giving a subtle whisper. "We were.. intimate--"

"Sexual relations," he nods, writing it on the chart. "It's important for us to know what was a causing factor in his event. Now, two at a time can visit him."

Tommy and Sarah go first. He gives you a sly wink. "Y'all were fuckin'!" he teases, passing by. Sarah gives you an excited smile, to which you just purse your lips.

It's quiet but for the bag of Lays Ellie has opened, eating the chips slowly. "So you and Joel?"

You nod.

"But not just tonight.. a long time ago, right?"

There's an odd sensation in your stomach, as if the unspoken truth is fluttering around inside, beating its wings as it tries to find a way out. "I guess there's a lot I need to tell you. But only when you're ready."

Ellie seems to steel herself for whatever conversation is on the way, nodding at last, crumpling up the bag and tossing it in the bin. "Ready."

Seeing Joel in the hospital bed is a sobering visual. Years ago your age gap represented something illicit, scandalous. Now you're reminded that no matter what road you and he take from here, you will most likely outlive Joel Miller.

He's awake when you and Ellie go in. It's obvious he doesn't like being here, but in his current state is not fit to complain.

"Hey," you say softly, going to his side. "How are you feeling?" You caress his cheek with the back of your hand.

Joel's eyes close at your delicate touch, and when he opens them there's a warmth in them that can't be denied. "I've been better, babygirl," he says. "But I'm damn glad you're here."

He glances at Ellie, seated in a chair on his other side. "And how about you, kiddo? You okay?"

"Am I okay?" she says incredulously. "Dude, I'm not the one in a hospital bed." But her face clearly shows relief that Joel's all right. You also see her brain working over everything you've told her (well, the gist of it.. there are some things she doesn't need to know).

"I was so worried," you tell him, your voice soft and warm, all your feelings coming to the forefront. "I thought I was gonna lose you."

Tears appear in Joel's eyes, which he brushes away impatiently. "You ain't losin' me yet, baby. Not for a long time, not if you don't want to."

"Joel.." you whisper. "Do you really want to do this? After everything that's happened.. all the hurt we put each other through.. all the secrets.." you cast a glance at Ellie, who looks more reserved than you've ever seen her before. Sensing this is a moment you want to share alone, she gives a fleeting smile before she leaves, giving Joel a playful mock hit on his shoulder. Still smiling, Joel pats the space beside him in the bed and you snuggle in with him, his body warm.

"Haven't you figured it out yet?" Joel asks softly, eyes imploring you. "You're mine and I'm yours. That's how this thing of ours operates: you belong to me and I belong to you. Despite everything that's happened in the last twenty years, that's been the one constant." His hands grips yours, thumb running over your knuckles. "I don't care if I've got thirty years or thirty days left of my life. I wanna spend the rest of it with you, babygirl."

You search his eyes, seeing nothing there but the truth, laid bare and ready for you to either accept or deny.

He continues, "I don't wanna keep failin' you. I'm too much in love to let you go again." Then he gently lifts your chin, making sure you meet his eyes. "But only if you want me back."

Some would say you're on a precipice in the choice you're about to make, but it's not that difficult to choose. It's simply the separate paths you're on, converging at last. for good.

"You're the only one I've ever wanted," you whisper. It's not a fancy declaration of truth, a bit surprising coming from an English teacher, but it's the only thing Joel needs to hear before he pulls you close for another kiss.

Joel's released on Christmas Eve, and the two of you don't waste any time.

You and Joel are married in a small, intimate ceremony in the spacious living room of his home. Ellie, Sarah, Theo, Finn, Tommy, Maria, Sofia, Ruby, and even Bill and Frank are in attendance, watching as a judge from town and friend of the Millers officiates.

Joel promises you a nicer wedding when the frost thaws, anywhere you want in the world. You tell him you can't imagine a more perfect place to marry the most perfect man for you.

Your first wedding went by in a blur, but this time around you engrave it upon your heart, make note of every little skip of your heart when you and Joel hold hands, his delicate touch as he places a gorgeous sapphire ring on your hand, the sweetness of his lips when you share your first kiss as husband and wife.

After Christmas, Sarah and Theo leave for their honeymoon to Maui, and with the weather more agreeable the guests take leave too. Tommy sees to it that you and Joel have your house all to yourselves for your own honeymoon.

You insist on taking it easy with Joel, but he tells you he'd rather die while inside you, his name pouring from your lips the last thing he ever hears. He seems to get a second wind with you, making use of every possible flat surface in the house. You feel better about such activity when he takes his medication, promising to take it faithfully so long as you follow it with a kiss.

One morning after a particularly strenuous night, while drinking coffee in the kitchen and discussing your plans, Ellie returns, calling out to you before she enters.

"You're not doing anything gross in there, are you?"

"No," Joel laughs.

"Yes we are, we're working on making a sibling for you," you smirk over your coffee, glancing at Joel and giving a little shake of your head when his eyes go wide.

"Gross," she mutters, walking in. "Joel, Tommy says everyone's meeting at the Tipsy Bison for lunch later. But he couldn't get through to you on the phone." She makes a playful, pointed look, eyeing the two of you.

She's lukewarm to the idea of calling Joel 'Dad', and there's going to be some legal hoops to go through regarding Justin and his parental claim. But it all seems so small in comparison to the problems that plagued you before. You can get through anything because now you have each other.

You and Joel get ready as Ellie goes back to Tommy's, enjoying spending her time with Finn and getting ready to leave with them instead.

Unable to keep your hands off each other, it takes you twice as long to get dressed, hands going into each other's back pockets, lips finding each other's throats.

There's all the time in the world for it now.

Driving up to the Tipsy Bison, Joel turns on the radio. "Cherry, Cherry" starts to play, and you sing along with Neil Diamond, catching your husband's eye as he smiles and sings along too. The road before you is smooth, mountains standing guard in the distance, staying the same grand height no matter how far along you drive. Joel's hand finds yours, presses a kiss to it before entwining your fingers.

"Babe?"

"Yes, Mrs. Miller?"

You smile. "Let's not go right away. Let's drive around a little, play this song again, just soak in this moment."

"Of course, babygirl. I don't want to share you with the others just yet anyway."

Neil continues on the radio: No, we won't tell a soul where we gone to Girl, we do whatever we want to Ah, I love the way that you do me Cherry, babe, you really get to me

It's come full circle, and it only took two decades to complete. You and Joel in his truck, your song playing, the sun shining through the hazy clouds. You could close your eyes and it'd be 2003 again.

dividers by @saradika-graphics 👑

<- prev chapter

[vampire-cupid]

Spin the Bottle

Summary:

A game of 'spin the bottle' with your friends led to inviting your boyfriends best friend, Chris, to join you for the night.

Ship: Chris X Josh X Reader

Words: 3598

AO3

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

Normally, whenever Jess came up with the idea of spin the bottle, it always ended with couples arguing and people feeling uncomfortable while Jess laughs at everyone around her.

Like always, everyone in our friend group already had a few drinks when Jess raised her empty bottle and shouted for the others to join.

With a groan you leaned against your boyfriend who threw his arm around you. “Do we have to play?” You ask, already knowing that Jess would never let you leave without a good reason.

Looking up to your boyfriend, you notice a mischievous glint in his eyes. With a smile you ask, “So, whats the plan?” Pressing a kiss to your cheek, Josh whispered in your ear “As soon as either of us gets picked to kiss someone, the other acts super jealous. Just running away angrily and the other has to come after them.”

With a quiet laugh, you press a soft kiss to your boyfriends lips. “Joshua Washington, you are a bad boy.” Jess interrupted that sweet moment. “Come on Lovebirds! You will have enough chances to suck faces.” Rolling your eyes, you joined the circle with Josh next to you.

You could already see how Hannah glances shyly towards Mike at the same time Mike glances towards Jess. Now that promises drama in the future.

The game was chaotic as always. Shy kisses between friends and bold kisses between couples.

That was until it was Chris’ turn. When Chris spun the bottle, it landed on Josh, who chuckled darkly.

Someone has to be blind to not see that there was more between the friends than just normal friendship. Therefor you wouldn’t miss the chance to see what would happen between them.

With a nervous cough, Chris shuffled closer towards Josh. Surprisingly, as Chris leaned forward, Josh was the one to close the distance between them.

Instead of a quick peck on the lips, Josh instead pulled Chris into a deep kiss. With closed eyes, both guys sunk into it, opening their mouth to taste each other.

Watching them up close make out that intense caused heat to erupt between your legs.

You nearly forgot about the plan until Josh opened his eye to look at you. Embarrassed, you quickly got up and faked leaving the room with angry steps, even slamming the door behind you. Only a few seconds later did you hear Josh call after you, his acting skills even surprised you.

Leaving the door to his room open behind you, you only had time to face towards the door before Josh crashed into you, pushing you backwards onto the bed as the both of you giggled at your little prank.

Stroking through Josh’s soft hair as he laid above you, you decided to tease him a bit. “Is it possible that you liked that kiss a bit too much?”

Chuckling, Josh pressed a cheek to your lips before defending himself. “I’m just a good actor.”

“Don’t lie, I saw your tongue action with Chris.”

Again, Josh shut you up with a kiss, “Jealous?” he whispered against your lip, pressing his body even closer to yours. “Oh yeah, you better make it up to me.” you giggled as Josh finally kissed you with as much intensity as he kissed Chris just moments ago.

Josh let out a deep groan as you pulled on his hair, his hips grinding against your core.

Just as his hands started to slide up your shirt, a knock interrupted you two.

With a groan Josh stood up, his hair slightly messy and a tent starting to form in his pants.

Opening the door, you were both surprised to see Chris. “Everything ok Cochise?”

Chris looked nervous as he glanced between the two of you. “I just came to say, I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened but I hope the two of you are ok.”

A few seconds of silence were between you before Josh and you started to laugh.

Slinging his arm around Chris’ shoulder, Josh pulled him into the room before closing the door to keep out nosy people like Emily or Jess.

Getting up from the bed, you stepped closer to Chris. “We should be sorry instead, it was just our plan to get away from the game, you just were collateral damage.”you explained.

Chris let out a big sigh of relief, “Phew! I already thought I messed up your entire relationship.”

Josh laughed even more, giving his bro a side hug. “Do you really think I would do anything to mess this up?”

“Good point.”

Only now did Chris notice the way Josh looked. His cheeks turned bright pink and he stuttered nervously. “Oh sorry, I totally ruined the mood didn’t I?”

Thinking back to the kiss before an idea came to your mind.

“You better bring the mood back Chris.” you teased.

Josh and Chris shared a confused look before looking at you.

“What’s your idea pornstar?” Josh smirked, his eyes glinting with mischief once again.

Chris’ face was still red as he looked between you.

“I was thinking, the kiss was really hot,” you said while, once again, getting comfortable on the bed before continuing “how about you give me another show.”

To your surprise, Chris’ face turned even more red, you didn’t think that was possible.

While he stuttered around, not sure what to say, Josh pulled Chris with him, closer to the bed to truly give you a first row seat to the show that’s about to happen.

“You ready to give the lady a show?” Josh flirts as he gently grasps the face of his best friend, looking at Chris with his typical grin.

“You sure that’s ok with you?” Chris questions but gets quickly silenced by Josh’s chuckle.

“It’s just like when we practiced kissing in high school, just with a sexy girl watching.” Josh said, winking at you flirtingly as he said ‘sexy girl’.

“I knew you had practiced! I didn’t believe that I was your first kiss.”

Surprisingly, Chris seemed to gain confidence with this and put his hands on Josh’s hips while leaning forward. Their lips found each other and it didn’t take long until the kiss turned heated. Josh had his hand on Chris’ neck, holding him close as their tongues danced together.

Heat spread in your core as you watched the way their kiss heated up, hands wandering over each others backs and soft groans leaving their lips.

Craving friction between your legs, you rub your thighs together as you kept watching.

After minutes of heated making out, Josh was the one to end the kiss, glancing towards you. Offering you his hand, you took it and get pulled to his side, standing in a triangle with your boyfriend and his best friend. “Enjoying the show?” Josh purrs, cocky as always.

Instead of answering, you tangled your hands in his hair and pulled him into a heated kiss. You nearly forgot about Chris but as Josh teasingly bit your lower lip, making you moan, you heard him let out a whimpered breath.

Separating from your boyfriend, you look over at Chris who was still watching you two with a bright red face. One of your hands caressed Chris’ cheek while you turn to ask Josh “Can I get a taste as well?”

The only answer you got was a peck to your lips and a teasing nip on your neck before Josh pushed you in front of him, making you fully face Chris.

Caressing his face, you softly whisper to the blonde, “Is that ok with you too?”

“Yeah.” Chris said, gaining more and more confidence, taking charge for once and kissing you softly.

Compared to Josh, the kiss was tame and soft.

A surprised moan left your lips and made you separate from Chris as Josh started to suck hickeys on your neck, his hands massaging your boobs over your shirt.

Your lips found Chris’ once again as you moaned against them, your hands around his neck keeping him close.

As Josh teased you from behind, Chris kept his hands on your waist.

The next time you and Chris separated for air, Josh used to chance to move past you and kiss Chris again, pushing him backwards to the bed. Making Chris sit down, Josh made you stand in front of Chris and once again standing behind you, his hands playing with the hem of your shirt and whispering a soft “Can I show him how beautiful you are?”

With a nod Josh turned his attention back to Chris.

“You are about to see heaven” Josh announced, finally lifting your shirt up and throwing it on the floor, showing off your bra. Just a few seconds later, your bra landed on the floor as well, your nipples hardening in seconds from the chill room.

Chris’ gaze was stuck to your chest, his mouth slightly open and his hands gripping his jeans tightly.

A moan left your lips as Josh pulled on your nipples, making you arch your back.

“Isn’t she magnificent?” Josh spoke to Chris, while still playing with your boobs.

Chris only managed to nod and as you look down at him, notice a tent forming in his jeans.

With a shy smile you say to Chris “You can touch if you want to.”

Chris nervously looked up to your face as if wanting to make sure.

Moving out of Josh’s grasp, you kiss Chris again, grabbing his hands and moving them to your boobs yourself.

Chris whimpered against your lips the moment his hands touched your skin.

You heard Josh chuckle behind you as he watched the two of you.

Growing bold, Chris massaged your breasts more forcefully making you moan into the kiss.

A surprised squeal made you part from Chris and look behind you at Josh.

He just winked as he slid your pants down your legs, leaving you in your panties.

You felt your cheeks heat up but once again got distracted by Chris who moved to kiss your neck, his kisses slowly trailing lower.

At the same time, Josh softly grabbed your waist, grinding his boner at you from behind and bit your neck.

As Chris took one of your nipples in his mouth, you moaned loudly getting silenced quickly by Josh who once again kissed you passionately.

“Better be quiet, unless you want to give a show to the whole cabin.” Josh groaned against your lips.

The hands of both guys wandered all over your body, making you dizzy with pleasure.

Before you could sink even more in the feeling, nearly melting against their touch, you were suddenly pulled away by Josh.

Chris looked at you with a heated gaze, his eyes still fixated on you.

Moving you to kneel down with him, Josh groaned against your skin “Don’t you want to help him out a bit.”

You look in front of you, directly facing the Chris’ crotch.

Looking up at the blonde, you give him a smile before leaning down and kissing his cock through his pants, grinning as you hear another whimper from Chris.

Focusing solely on him, you open belt and the zipper keeping his boner hidden.

Desperately, Chris helped you, pulling his jeans down but stopped just before removing his boxers.

“You ok Cochise?” Josh asked from behind you, his chest pressed against your back and his hands soothingly caressing his friends thighs.

“Yeah…it’s just…” Chris started before nervously looking away.

“What’s wrong?” you ask.

Glancing at the two of you from the corner of his eyes, Chris sighed before revealing his secret.

“I don’t know if it counts but I never did anything since…” his eyes drift to Josh and your eyes frantically look between the two with a giggle. “You two? When?!”

This time, even Josh looks away flustered but answered nonetheless “First year in college, shortly before I met you, we just experienced a bit.”

Giggling, you give Josh a passionate kiss, “I wanna hear every detail later.”

His cocky grin was back as he gave you another peck on the lips “Deal.”

Finally the attention was back on Chris who luckily seemed more relaxed as he watched the interaction between the two of you.

“So, can I suck your dick?” you ask boldly.

For the hundredth time today, Chris’ face went bright red and he only managed to nod shyly.

Josh once again pressed against your back, pulling down his friends briefs for you, freeing the long cock that was already dripping precum.

It was slightly longer than Josh’s, curving to the side but it was also thinner than your boyfriends cock.

Looking up at Chris through your eyelashes, you give the pink tip a kiss before licking up the precum.

“He likes it when you lick from his balls to the tip, it makes him tremble.” Josh whispered against your neck, his hands once again massaging your hips and slowly pushing your panties down.

“Josh!” Chris exclaimed embarrassed but moaned loudly as you followed Josh’s advice.

And like he said, Chris’ legs started to shake a bit as his hands dug into the blanket, his knuckles turning white.

Taking the tip in your mouth, you solely focus on Chris, not noticing what your boyfriend was up to.

Slowly taking more and more of his length into your mouth, you grew wet as you hear the pretty sounds Chris let out. The moans and whimpers sounding positively dirty.

A sudden wet feeling against your pussy makes you moan yourself, vibrating against Chris’ cock. The blonde grabbed your hair desperately, holding you still.

Another wet feeling caused your hips to move towards the feeling.

Pulling away from Chris, you look between your legs at Josh who gives you a mischievous grin before diving back in, pressing his nose against your clit and his tongue against your entrance.

Once again you take Chris’ length in your mouth, once again making the blonde cry out in pleasure while you grind against Josh’s face, covering him in your arousal.

It didn’t take long before Chris’ suddenly pulled you away from his cock, breathing heavily and looking down with dark hooded eyes.

“You okay?” you ask, breathless yourself.

“Yeah, just didn’t want to cum yet.”

Before you could respond, Josh roughly pulled you closer to his face, focusing solely on your clit and causing your orgasm to approach quickly.

“Fuck! Josh!” you cry out, trying to move against him but his strong arms held you tightly, making you unable to move.

Chris watched mesmerized as his best friend ate you out. His eyes focusing on your core, watching your wetness drip before his eyes found Josh’s green eyes.

Only a few seconds later did you reach your high, throwing your head back and squeezing Josh’s face with your thighs.

Once your orgasm calmed down, you slowly moved away from Josh’s face, revealing his cocky grin as he licked his lips while staring at you.

Both you and your boyfriend joined Chris on the bed, on either side of him.

Grabbing his face, Josh made the blonde look at him. “You want a taste?” he chuckled, already moving to pull Chris into a kiss.

His friend didn’t wait long, his tongue licking over your boyfriends lips, groaning at the taste. You watched as the two of them made out, Chris only stopping in between to lick your wetness off his friends face.

After a while, Josh pulled away, his gaze meeting yours.

“What do you say bro, want to finally get that dick wet?” Josh chuckled with a serious undertone.

Chris looked over to you, his eyes drifting all over your body before stuttering “You- you don’t have to.”

Gently caressing his cheek, you give him a kiss. “But I want to.”

Getting comfortable in bed was a bit of a hassle, even with how big the bed was.

A good minute was just spent getting fully undressed while sharing kisses with each other.

You ended up laying on your back, Chris hovering over you while Josh kissed him from behind, rolling a condom on Chris’ dick before doing the same for himself.

Chris’ focus was on you, kissing you softly once more before rubbing his cock against your entrance. Meanwhile Josh behind got behind Chris, lube in hand and for once gently kissing the neck of his best friend.

“Are you sure about this?” Chris asked you once again. The only answer you gave is a kiss to the other side of his neck and wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him closer to your core.

Lining himself up with your entrance, the blonde finally pushed inside, just the tip for now but it was enough to make him groan.

Josh decided that was the best moment to push the first lubed up finger inside Chris.

It was clear to see that Chris was struggling with what to do. Move forward into your wet heat or back against the delicious feeling of being filled up.

Keeping only his tip in you, he moaned and whimpered as Josh pushed in another finger, scissoring his hole until he could finally add a third.

Once he could take four of Josh’s fingers, your boyfriend decided it was enough foreplay for his thick cock.

As Josh pushed inside, his hands holding Chris’ hips in a bruising grip, Chris started to breath heavily, nearly shaking as pleas for more left his lips.

One harsh trust was all it took. Josh managed to thrust hard enough to cause Chris to fill you in one go making both of you moan loudly. Your arms dug into Chris’ back as the blonde let out a high moan, his head suddenly falling forward against your neck.

His body shook as whimpers left his throat and a weird feeling spread inside you.

Wrapping your arms around him, you kiss the side of his face before whispering to him “Did you just cum?”

Embarrassed, Chris hid his face in your neck while Josh leaned down to stroke over Chris’ back as well. “Don’t worry, her pussy is magic, makes me cum sooner than I want to every time.” Josh tried to calm his friend, still deep inside him.

But to your surprise, Chris stayed hard inside you making you ask “Do you want to continue?”

Looking at you with his big watery eyes, he nodded before another whimper left him.

The nod was all Josh needed to start moving his hips fast and rough.

His thrusts were hard enough that Chris didn’t even have to move to fuck you.

It was clear that the feeling of both, your tight pussy and Josh’s big dick, was overwhelming for your Chris. Still, you couldn’t help but move your hips against him, fucking yourself on his cock.

You didn’t think it possible but Chris’ moans turned higher and you quickly pulled him down to you and into a kiss to silence him before your other friends hear his sinful sounds.

While Chris’ cock didn’t fill you as much as Josh’s did, he was long enough to hit spots deeper than your boyfriend could.

Both you and Josh fucked into Chris from both sides, the poor guy completely overstimulated from the both of you, tears welling in his eyes as he cried out in pleasure.

All three of you took turns making out with one another, the sounds of skin slapping against skin filling the whole room.

As Josh’s hips moved faster, making Chris whimper more than before, you felt your own orgasm approaching.

The sight before you was enough to send you over the edge, making you clench around Chris, making him cry out once more.

Chris’ full body shook as he once again reached his peak while Josh’s hips moved with desperation, only having the goal to cum and not caring that his rough grip and thrusts moved Chris with him making both Chris and you overstimulated as you get fucked through your orgasms.

When Josh finally let out a deep groan, his hips moving slower before stopping fully, you could finally catch your breath.

Only the sound of heavy breathing was heard before the weight on top of you was lifted and Chris slowly pulled out.

With tired eyes you watch as Chris was moved by Josh, your boyfriend pulling the filled condom off his friend and laid him down next to you before taking care of his own.

As Josh walked over to the bathroom attached to the master bedroom, which was the reason he always fought over the room with his sisters, you turned to sling your leg and arm on Chris, cuddling close to his heated skin. Without thinking, his arms wrapped around you as well.

The both of you just laid in silence, only your breathing making a sound as Josh walked back, wet towels in one hand and a glass of water in the other.

“Sorry I didn’t have a second one.” he said handing the glass in your direction.

Taking a few gulps you handed the half full glass to Chris who downed the rest.

Sitting down behind you, Josh carefully cleaned your sweaty body with one of the towels before leaning over you to do the same favor to his best friend before laying down behind you and cuddling up to you.

A comfortable silence overcame the three of you nearly lulling you to sleep.

To no ones surprise, Josh was the first to say something.

“I guess it’s not always bad when Jess wants to play Spin the Bottle.”

[fanficsbysteve]

Authors Note: So I was scrolling the Tumblrs a few days ago when @lazyturtlehottub put an idea out there that stuck with me a bit so I did my best to get something out there into the world. Hopefully its good. Let me know what you think.

Rating: G?

Word Count: 3033

***

                Buck sat in his seat at the LA Lakers game that Tommy had given him tickets to. Tommy had ended things a week before the tickets were for so naturally Buck was at the game alone. He had planned to go with Tommy, so he had someone who actually understood basketball with him. He had requested the day off work so he could go and Bobby had given it to him. Unfortunately nobody else could get the day off so Buck sat in his seat, an empty seat right next to him.

                Out of depression, and he had run out of flour to bake something to distract him, Buck had made a sign that sat folded nicely on the seat next to him. If any kind of camera came on him, he was going to be petty and reveal the sign. And he had every right to be petty after what happened. It was so out of the blue. So Buck sat in his seat and just waited. He barely watched the game cause he didn’t have any interest in Basketball. He had never told Tommy this during their 6 months together. Why would he? He had literally tried desperately to get into this pick-up game that Eddie, Tommy, Chim, and a few others played so that he could get close to Tommy. Sure he hadn’t gone again since that one time. He had gotten Tommy’s attention. Plus I think after maiming Eddie, nobody expected him to go again. So he never had to explain how he really didn’t like Basketball.

                The game slowly went along. One team having the ball, then the other one did, then they threw it in a hoop, rinse, repeat. Buck honestly never understood why anyone would actually care about this sport. It was so boring. Give him a hockey game. Now that was something to watch. Particularly when the gloves came off.

                Slowly the game kept going and Buck was worried that he wouldn’t get a chance at the pettiness he had planned for the game. Then the break in the middle of the game came. Sighing, Buck was bored and was pretty sure that nothing was going to happen when something called a Kiss Cam came up on the video screen in the middle. It started panning around to all the various seats, stopping on what would appear to be couples and they would kiss or make ‘no’ motions if they weren’t together. Then it happened. The camera came and stopped on Buck and the person sitting next to him. The person looked at Buck and started making the No motions.

                Buck took this opportunity, like the petty individual he was turning into, and pulled out his homemade sign. It was on bright yellow paper with black letters. The sign read, “My Boyfriend broke up with me a week before this game so now I’m here alone, and I don’t really like Basketball that much.”

                A chorus of Boo’s started to ring out around the Arena. Not sure if it was because of the sign or because of him, but Buck didn’t care. He got his pettiness out. Folding up the sign he sat back down.

Then it started. His phone started to buzz but he was going to ignore it.  He was at a basketball game and even if he wasn’t having fun or enjoying it, he wasn’t going to be one of those people who spend the whole thing on their phone. The buzzing would not stop. This was going to get annoying. The game hadn’t started back up again so Buck excused himself past the people sitting between himself and the aisle out. He better get this phone stuff dealt with. Might as well just go home if he wasn’t enjoying himself.

He got into the lobby area and pulled his phone out. He was getting bombarded with text messages from Eddie, Hen, Chim, Maddie, basically everyone at the Firehouse. Apparently they had been watching the game during their off time and it just to happens that nothing was going on when he was on camera. So everyone saw it. There were also messages and calls from Tommy but Buck was ignoring those right now. He couldn’t be bothered to message him before so he was going to make him wait.

He started with the Maddie messages. She was his sister after all.

MH: What did you just do? On National Television?

EB: I don’t know what you mean. I just held up a sign.

MH: You just threw Tommy to the wolves.

EB: Nobody who watches this will know who is being talked about. And anyone who does will not care enough to know.

MH: Don’t count on it. You weren’t super secretive about your relationship so lots of people know.

EB: Well we will just have to wait and see won’t we.

Closing down the text thread with Maddie, he went to Eddie, the next most important person in his life right now. It would have been Tommy but that ship sailed a week ago.

ED: That was brave.

BB: I was out of flour. And I was hurting so I decided to channel it.

ED: I wouldn’t want to be Tommy right now.

BB: Why not?”

Eddie sent over a screenshot of what looked like X or another social media site. Buck wasn’t super big on them. It showed a trending tag #LonelyLakersLad and #LakersBFBreakup and several other variants. Some of them had a lot of traction.

ED: You are going viral.

BB: Nobody who knows me would do anything like that.

ED: So you are telling me that you are 100% certain that you never hurt anyone the way you were hurt.

BB: I’ve broken up with everyone amicably as far as I am aware.

ED: And you’ve never kept in touch to see how they are feeling after things?

Buck stopped to think for a second. As far as he was aware he was fine with all his ex-girlfriends. They weren’t in touch anymore, friendship falling off the wayside, but honestly why would they do anything?

ED: Just saying. You might want to contact the recipient of your pettiness. He has been blowing up our phones here.

Buck sighed. Closed the Eddie chat and opened the one labeled Thomas. He hadn’t wanted to keep it the same as it was before the breakup. It hurt too much.

There it was, a lengthy string of texts from Tommy. Words weren’t the greatest thing you could convey emotion through. It was always up to the person reading to get the emotion you were putting into it and more times than not, it was always conveyed wrong.

TK: What the hell was that?

TK: I told you to take Eddie with you to that.

TK: And what do you mean you don’t even like Basketball? You literally forced your way into a game with me and Eddie and Chim.

TK: I know I hurt you. But that was next level pettiness.

TK: We need to talk.

TK: Please answer your phone.

TK: I’ve tried calling you a dozen times. Please just answer.

Buck knew that Tommy had called at least that many times during while he was just messaging his family and friends.

TK: I’m not mad. I swear it. I just want to talk. With words from my mouth instead of my fingers. That way its not misinterpreted.

TK: Please just answer and let me talk to you. Then I won’t bother you ever again.

Buck tapped the name Thomas, pulling up his contact details, and tapped the Call button. At least he could get this over with quickly. Maybe Trader Joes was still open so he could get more baking supplies on his way.

The phone didn’t even get to finish a single ring before Tommy answered, “Evan!”

“You said you wanted to talk Thomas,” Buck replied. He couldn’t stop the smile that came over his face when he heard Tommy call him Evan though. He also knew that Tommy was wincing on the other end at the Thomas.

“What was that all about? I was watching the game at home and I remember saying you could take Eddie and why were you there alone? And what was that sign for?” Tommy rambled. Buck just let him ramble a bunch. A thousand more questions came out of his mouth through the phone.

“If you would let me get a word in I can easily explain everything,” Buck interrupted. Tommy stopped talking for the time being so Buck took that as his time to get his side of things out, “You had just broken my heart. I was feeling petty because I had nothing else to distract me from calling or messaging you. I had spent too many days crying over you so I went to the next extreme. It was probably a little overboard but I was feeling my emotions and channeling them into something different. I didn’t want to turn back into the Buck that slept around to deal with his hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Tommy said, “God this isn’t great on the phone.”

“Well you were the one who wanted me to call you,” Buck replied, “I was perfectly happy just texting.”

“Were you though?” Tommy’s voice was getting a little catty at this point, “I don’t think perfectly happy people do the stunt you just pulled.”

“Well I WAS perfectly happy,” Buck was just as catty in return, “Until you ended things out of the blue, no real reason except some bullshit about not being your last.”

Buck could feel the guilt through the phone at this point, “Meet  me at Fleur Café. That’s close to the arena. We clearly have to talk in person.”

“Fine by me,” Buck replied. His heart started to flutter a bit cause he did want to see Tommy again, “I know you don’t live near here so I’ll get you a coffee for when you arrive.”

“I’ll be there in about 45 minutes,” Tommy replied, his voice was shaking a bit, “depending on traffic.”

Buck let Tommy end the call and then he quickly pulled up the map on his phone to get there.

***

Buck had gotten to the café after 10 minutes of walking so he waited outside for about 20 minutes. He was mildly curious about the X trend that was happening so he downloaded the X app and signed into the account he made about a decade earlier. “@ranchmanbuck” was the username he had created. He was living in Montana at the time and working on a ranch. It didn’t last long. He also only had maybe 3 posts on his account.

It took him a bit to get signed in but eventually he did and #LonelyLakersLad was still trending. Even the official account of the LA Lakers had posted about it. Seems that everyone online was either trying to find out who he was, telling him that they would date him, telling him that it will get better in the end. There was a few that were insane and threatening harm on the person who hurt him. Seeing threats of death towards Tommy by people who didn’t know him was disturbing so Buck closed that app and swore to never open it again. People online were insane.

Stepping into the café, Buck was greeted by the smell of fresh coffee and baked goods. He had grown to love the smell of baked goods since Tommy broke things off with him. It was soothing and calming. He smelled lemon loaf, and cinnamon rolls, and some savoury cheese buns. He just breathed in and then head to the counter to order, “Good evening,” Buck was always courteous to the staff anywhere, “Can I get two coffees, one black, and one two cream, one sweetener,” He looked at the baked goods. He had so much at home but he wanted something sweet right now, “And two pieces of that lemon loaf, and a cinnamon roll.”

Buck paid for his purchases and went to a table near the window to wait. He started to slowly pick apart the lemon loaf he had gotten for himself and slowly ate it, sipping on his coffee at the same time. After about 10 minutes of waiting, Tommy walked into the coffee shop. He looked around and spotted Buck. He quickly came over and sat down, “Hey,” He said.

“I got you a coffee,” Buck pushed the coffee his way, “And some lemon loaf.”

“Thanks,” Tommy took the coffee and took a sip, “You finally figured out how I like my coffee.”

“We were together for 6 months Tommy,” Buck replied, “If I didn’t at least learn your coffee order then I would have been the worst boyfriend ever.”

“OK so we need to talk,” Tommy replied, “But first I just want to let you know how sorry I am for how things went down.”

“Why did you not come back after?” Buck asked, “You just left me there. I figured maybe it was a fight that we could work through but you didn’t come back.”

“I was scared,” Tommy had his head down, “You idealized me. You didn’t see me or the things that were wrong with me. Just the good. You don’t know how it was growing up and just being abandoned by the one person who loved me, leaving me with my father. Or the first man I ever fell in love with leaving me because he decided someone else was better than me.”

“You never told me any of this,” Buck replied, “You kept your walls up and never fully let me in. I only know what you showed me. And,” Buck trailed off. Well he had him in front of him so it was now or never, “And what you showed me made me fall in love with you.”

Buck watched as Tommy’s face snapped up at those words. Buck had been meaning to say those words to him for awhile now. Since the day at the cemetery at least when him and Tommy had a funeral so that Billy Boils would lift the curse. And he did. But just having Tommy there with him made him realize that Tommy was all he needed in life from now on, “You never said that,” Tommy said.

“I mean it though,” Buck replied, “I might be brand new to this whole loving men thing. But I know what love feels like and I know what I feel for you. I realize that I may have jumped ahead a couple steps. Eddie tells me I’m an idiot all the time. And maybe I am. But I’m an idiot that loves you, Tommy.”

Tommy fiddled with his cup, “I’m just scared that you will get bored of me and leave me like everyone else.”

Buck reached across and grabbed Tommy’s hand, “I need you to learn to trust me. I won’t leave you. You are everything I’ve felt I was missing in my life. From the very first mouth static, something about you made me feel complete. And this past week has made me feel worse, like a part of me was missing. And I don’t like how that feels and I don’t want to feel it anymore.”

Tommy looked ashamed, “I love you as well. And there has been an Evan sized hole in my life that I cannot manage to fill,” Buck watched as Tommy looked up, his face setting, “Fuck it. If my heart gets broken, it gets broken,” He whispered to himself, “Evan Buckley, I know I don’t deserve it after what I did to you, but would you be willing to give me a second chance? I’m also an idiot who is in love with you and I might not deserve it but please?” Tommy’s eyes bore into Buck with intensity. This man meant every word of it.

Buck stood up, grabbed Tommy’s face and brought him into a kiss. The kiss lasted longer than either had planned but Buck was not letting go. He wasn’t certain of it but he thought he may have heard the shutter of a camera on someone’s phone. Maybe someone taking some pictures of their food. They did that a lot. As the kiss came to an end, a single thread of saliva between them, Buck sat down again, “We need to communicate better,” Buck said, “Since we want to try again, I ask that if you have problems, or if I’m jumping ahead or saying something idiotic, that you please just talk to me. We can work through these problems.”

“I can’t promise I won’t get scared again,” Tommy said, “I’ve got more trauma than you can possibly imagine. I’m not the ideal gay that you seem to have thought I am. But I can promise that if things get bad for me, I’ll do everything I can to talk.”

Buck smiled, “That’s all I want. I want to know all of you. Scars and all if you’ll let me,” Buck smiled, “Now help me eat this Cinnamon bun.”

***

6 months later, Buck sat with Tommy at another Lakers game. A repeat of the 6 month anniversary. Tommy had originally wanted to do something that Buck would enjoy, but Buck shut that down, “I enjoy being with you and seeing you happy and if it means going to Basketball games then I want to go. Just means in the winter you’ll have to get better at enjoy the LA Kings games.”

“Deal,” Tommy said. So they were in their seats at the arena. It was halftime as Tommy called it. The camera was panning around the stands looking for couples to make kiss. When it landed on Buck and Tommy. Smiling, Buck pulled Tommy into a kiss, as the kiss broke, he held up another sign just for this occasion, ‘We worked things out, so please don’t make me go viral again. #NotSoLonelyLakersLad’.  Buck smiled and kept staring at Tommy. The crowd was cheering in the arena for them. Just staring into the eyes of the man he loved.

***

Authors Note: Well that's it. I hope anyone who reads this likes it. Feel free to suggest any titles as I have no idea what to call this. If you have any notes for how I could improve, please be kind about it.

[estrellami-1]

Lavender Letters

To those of you who celebrate, who have something worth celebrating… happy Thanksgiving. To everyone else, happy random Thursday!

Part 8

“S-something else?” Steve parrots.

“That’s right. I’m going to put my hand on your body.” He grabs Steve’s wrist, grins at the gasp that gets him. “And you tell me if you like it there. Okay?”

“O-okay.”

“So how about here?” He tightens his grip, smiles at the whine Steve lets out.

“Y-yeah.”

“Oh, I know you do, sweet boy. You’re so expressive.”

“Eddie-”

“Mhm?” He pulls back a little, enough to see Steve’s face. Steve just gasps, little breaths in and out. “You like sayin’ my name, sweet thing?” He pulls Steve’s hand behind his back and nudges forward, causing them to brush together. He inhales shakily as Steve moans quietly. “You got an upstairs we can go to, sweetheart? Somewhere I can take you apart?”

Steve sways forward, catching himself just before their lips brush. “I’ve- I’ve got a room upstairs,” he says. “But I’m not- I can’t-”

Eddie pulls his hand to his side again, locks their fingers together. “You can’t?”

“They’re gonna hear.”

“How do you feel about gags?”

Steve shakes his head. Even the thought seems to clear his head some. “No gags. Or- or blindfolds. Or restraints.”

“But my hand around your wrist?”

“That’s fine. You’re touching me. But- but no restraints that aren’t you. Or, um. I could try? If you want me to grab the headboard and not move. I could try.”

Eddie hums. “Nah, I think I like you touching me too much. But we’re out of luck until the party’s over, huh?”

Steve turns sad eyes up at him, nods.

Eddie smiles, touches his finger to Steve’s chin. “That’s alright. We can take it slow for a couple of hours. Get to know each other even better.”

Steve smiles. “Like what?”

Eddie hums exaggeratedly, tapping his finger on his chin. “Favorite sound?”

Steve laughs. “I have two. First is rain. I love hearing rain, especially as I’m falling asleep.”

“Nothing better,” Eddie agrees. “And your second?”

Steve colors. “When Robin sleeps over she talks in her sleep sometimes, and I’ll wake up to hear it. And it reminds me that I’m safe.”

Eddie smiles. “My favorite sound is Wayne’s snoring. It’s not overly loud, but sometimes I’ll sit just behind my door and listen to him sleep until I’m close enough to get back into bed and drift off. I think it’s sweet that Robin’s yours.”

Steve looks down. “Would it bother you if I could never listen to your music? Or never learned how to play DnD?”

“Would you let me rant to you about it? You wouldn’t even have to pay attention, really, or remember anything. Just let me talk at you about it, and don’t get annoyed when I want to talk about it.”

“Of course.”

Eddie grabs his hands, smiles. “Then I promise to do the same about whatever you want.”

Steve grins. “Even if it’s sports?”

“I’ll even watch it with you,” Eddie promises.

“You will?”

“I mean, I’ll at least sit in the same room. No promises that I’ll remember anything.”

“That’s okay. Robin’s the same way. Lucas—did I tell you about him? L?”

Eddie hums. “I think so… most polite? Wicked sharp tongue? Is that him?”

Steve beams. “Yeah, exactly! He likes sports, basketball, and sometimes we’ll play together.” He angles a thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got a hoop in the back. He’s getting really good.”

“I should hope so, if he’s playing with you. How about football?”

Steve hums. “I like watching it, but playing it wouldn’t be a good idea. Not with the concussions I have.”

“Wayne likes watching it, too. Maybe you could come over, watch a game with him. I know he’d appreciate it.”

Steve’s eyes shine. “Really?”

“Mhm.” He leans sideways against the counter, facing Steve. “Can I ask about the concussions? Or NDAs?”

Steve deflates. “I want to tell you.”

“So what’s stopping you?”

“Besides the fact that I fully believe the government’s got ears here? I don’t think you’ll believe me.”

Eddie hums, leans closer. “Well either way, I’d like to take you out one day in my van. Somewhere out in the middle of nowhere, where you can be as loud as you want.” He leans in and whispers, “or say whatever you want.” He pulls back with a smirk. “What do you think?”

Steve takes a shaky breath. “I think I want to kick everyone out,” he murmurs, “but I also think Robin would never let me live it down if I did.”

Eddie chuckles, pulls away. “Drink your water,” he suggests. “Let’s take some time, dance a little. Socialize. Let Robin know I’m here for a good time and a long time.”

Steve takes a few big gulps of water. “I think you’re going to ruin me,” he says slowly. “In the best way possible.”

Eddie grins sharply at him. “That’s the plan, big boy.”

He winks.

Steve gulps.

This is going to be fun.

[project-sekai-facts]

Maybe I'm a hater but I feel like expecting clpl to make Mizuki say "Ena I'm transgender I was a boy but now I'm a girl" was a little too much hope for a rhythm game but I did think they'd be more... Subtle, I guess. Like they wouldn't use the words boy or girl or transgender but maybe something like "oh, I wasn't always like this Ena... I wasn't always "cute" (a girl)" but well. What did we expect.

I do think clpl still has the capacity to redeem themselves a little by finally changing Mizuki's boku to either watashi (in hiragana perhaps?) or atashi, if they really wanna make it "feminine". However, I suspect they won't do that, either.

In conclusion, let's throw rocks at clpl <3 I was also wondering, how are the japanese fans reacting to the event?

yeah i kinda didn't think they'd ever say trans outright, but maybe like, a vague description of sorts. and i think the whole idea of "it's a gacha game they would never be that explicit" is kinda void here as well since, they absolutely can, and other games/franchises absolutely do. prsk is much more mainstream than the stuff that is more explicit though, which probably plays a role.

their one source of redemption is probably gonna be hiichan/minoringo dropping something during the talk show or mizuki's ? in bio getting changed, but as for anything in the text it's not exactly looking great. kanade and mafuyu know now, and an and rui already knew, so we've already ticked off most of her closest relationships before her next event. i mean idk really what they're gonna do for mizuki now since she's a year younger than the other n25 characters who are all having arcs about growing up and thinking about uni/jobs, so maybe they will have mizuki6 being about her coming out to people like airi/shizuku/akito/toya etc. i dunno. there's still room to. try and fix things.

as for how jp fans are responding i'm not really sure since i haven't been hanging around the prsk fandom much for the past month, but i've seen a couple tweets about people being dissatisfied about the fact there's no clear resolution to what her secret is. which, yeah it's kinda wack to spend 4 years reminding the audience about mizuki's secret that is one day going to be revealed only to fade to black when the time comes lol. not sure what the most common response is though.

also yes we should throw rocks at clpl. in fact let's do pipebomb #5

[ivyvenus333]

satosugu band!au (kind of)

a/n: im so cooked this is what i've been thinking about whenever i listen to this song. go listen to "pool house" so you see my vision... also i finally learned how to do the ombre ◦°˚(*❛ ‿ ❛)/˚°◦ ok ily.

"pool house" by the backseat lovers except it was written by satoru and suguru when they were 17 and at some shitty house party. hoping to find solace from the weed-filled air and the bass reverberating off of every surface, the two snuck off to the backyard. the rowdy cheers of girls getting drunk in the pool didn’t offer much peace, but at least there were empty seats around the fireplace. taking painfully slow sips of beer they pretended to like, satoru and suguru sat in silence, just observing their peers and this unfamiliar world around them.

of course, they’d been dragged to the party by shoko who relentlessly insisted they needed to broaden their horizon. satoru and suguru never really understood what she meant by that. what more to life than spending almost every waking moment with your best friend — the one you started a band with? 

and who else but satoru to have the genius idea that they needed to write a song right now. something about creativity flowing more freely when you’re drunk. which they absolutely were. lawn chairs moved to be as close as possible, and satoru leaned over the armrest to be closer still. the string lights above illuminated the small leather notebook that suguru always carried in his pocket. always ready at a moment’s notice to be filled with lyrics, drum beat notations, or anything satoru commanded him to write. 

the words flowed through them and onto the page, all inspired by the party taking place around them. defenses lowered from the alcohol, they were so goddamn giggly and touchy. they sat there and wrote for a couple hours until shoko was ready to go. like most nights, the three ended up crashing at satoru’s, all squeezed and cuddling on his king-size bed. well, satoru and suguru cuddling. but their long limbs inevitably violated shoko’s personal space, so, close enough.

the next morning, they convinced shoko that the song needed to be recorded right now, despite her unforgiving hangover. and as much as she complained, the song set the tone for the album that would launch their career the next year — just right after their graduation.

as it goes, suguru left the band a few years and tours later. he told the media and the fans it was because of his mental health and to please respect his privacy. it wasn’t entirely a lie. truthfully, suguru was still reconciling with this lifestyle they’d become entrenched in immediately after high school. one that satoru was better at throwing himself at — the drugs, the partying. the sex. god, watching satoru pridefully fuck their groupies drove suguru insane. something about the way men and women lusted over satoru in the first place made suguru’s blood boil. and fuck, shoko was basically built for this life. but suguru simply wasn’t. and his feelings for his best friend — ones he’d been repressing since he first met satoru — were not helping. 

so satoru, unknowing, feels his heart physically break when suguru throws the same rehearsed lines in his face before leaving and going no contact for over a year.

anyways, suguru temporarily* comes back for the band's first world tour after an emergency with the drummer that replaced him and a desperately pleading shoko. satoru was so confused and so pissed when he walked in the studio one day and saw suguru sat behind the drums as if nothing had ever happened. so much so that he almost refused to play if he was going to be there. but the better part of satoru's heart knew that it was always supposed to be suguru who he traveled the world with to perform songs they wrote in high school at shitty house parties.

literally all of this to say that the instrumental section from [2:58-3:53] is them realizing what they truly mean to each other mid-way through the tour. satoru distances himself from the microphone, bouncing on his feet as he strums the electric guitar. he positions himself on the stage so that his back is towards the crowd and he can't see anything except suguru. suguru on the drums letting the passion he'd been restraining move freely through his hands, eyes never leaving satoru's. faces flushed from the heat of the stage lights, shirts soaked in sweat, hair disheveled from the constant motion. and yet, they both swear the other has never looked more beautiful.

no words are sung, but the music expresses all the "i missed yous," "i need yous," and "i love yous" they've always been too afraid to tell each other.

[trekkiehood]

Okay, A, I relate so hard with your dilemma, because I'm also having so many ideas right now, only, instead of not having enough time, I can't seem to find enough focus! 😫

B, okay, here's a question about your writing: what's an idea/WIP you're most excited about right now? Feel free to share as much or as little details as you want!!

Tagging @stars-remain2 because they responded to my post

Thank you!!! I was so excited when I saw this I have just not had time to answer

Okay so I really want to write a longfic for the MotA fandom that would take place during the Buckies time in the POW camp but I don't have a through line 😅

Like I have a couple scenes that I want to play with but it's so episodic. I'll probably end up posting them as one shots and then putting them in an AO3 series but my brain wants it to be a long fic so bad 😂

Some of the ideas I have for these scenes (mostly Gale angst lol)

The fic I'm currently working on that involves the guards threatening Gale is and things escalate very quickly

Possibly a secondary scene to that dealing with the aftermath and Gale not wanting to be alone around the yard and the same guard carching him alone

Gale hitting his emotional breaking point and losing it at Bucky after Bucky pushes him too far

Which would probably lead into a Gale being sick/having pneumonia

Gale collapsing. Idk why. Exhaustion? Hunger? Don't care I just want that man to collapse and everyone to be so caught off guard and worried

I really do want to play with Gale just slowly losing it bc I think that'd be FUN

Okay but Gale having to get between two of his men who are fighting and he separated them but one of the guys is still in the heat of the moment and so he decks Gale and the whole room goes silent and Gale in one Swift motion sweeps the guys feet and has him down on the ground and is just like "don't get up bc I will put you right back on the floor and next time I won't be so gentle" and everyone is SHOOK bc since when does Major Cleven fight back physically especially with subordinates???? (Also Bucky straight up hates this dude now, he has made an enemy for life lol)!

Would also like to explore Gale getting shot down. I probably would not go with the actual historical events and would make things more traumatic and something he slowly reveals to Bucky (or not. Maybe Bucky never knows idk)

And just Gale with food issues. In the show he lost weight so much quicker than everyone else like boy are you ok???

Gale dealing s/h is something else I have lurking. It would be less blatant than that but a general idea of Gale liking pain but only if he's in control of it (a mirror to Bucky he goes out looking for fights bc he wants other ppl to force him to feel pain)

Do you see my dilemma 😂

So many ideas and so little time 😭

And again they all happen in the same little universe in my head but I have no through line to justify it being one fic so idk what I'm going to do. Probably just make it a series.

I know I probably won't have great leadership bc I don't write romance I just wrote very strong platonic soulmates (or t'hy'la if you will) but hopefully some people will enjoy them lol

If anyone has any questions or wants more info on any of these fics plz ask (maybe it will help me form thoughts more fully lol)

Thanks again for asking!!!! It was good to get all of this down!

[aria-greenhoodie]

I'd love if you could elaborate on

child of the stars

momento mori

magic

Touch tone telephone

from the start

Dr sunshine is dead

crazy = genius

are you satisfied?

turn the lights off

Dr gaster

digital silence

YES!!!! I LOVE BEING ENABLED!!!!

For those seeing this post who haven't seen the original playlist, here's the post where I link it!

NOW LET'S PLAY: WHY DID ARIA PUT THOSE SONGS IN THEIR ABIGALE BLACKWING PLAYLIST?

(Putting it all under the cut because it's. REALLY LONG.) ↓

Rule #9 - Child of the Stars by Fish in a Birdcage - This song is THE perfect song to explain the dynamic my version of Abbey had with her father (Atticus Blackwing). Abigale's dad was always super supportive of her, bending over backwards to make her life the best that he could make it, and saw so much of both himself and his late wife (Chastity Blackwing) in her. I hear the song almost like Atticus is singing this to Abbey somehow... a couple lyrics that really stood out to me: "You were a wanderer / Back when you were young"

Abbey was always a curious child, constantly wanting to explore and learn about the world around her.

"I could only lead you so far / I believe in who you are / Take the world by storm"

Atticus died of an illness he had been battling for quite some time right as Abigale graduated engineering school. He did everything in his power to set her up for success, to follow her dream as an inventor and tinkerer before his passing, and always encouraged Abbey to be independent. He passed believing whole-heartedly that his beloved daughter would, in fact, "take the world by storm."

Rule #21 - Momento Mori by Fish in a Birdcage - This song can work for the time before Abigale found Thurburt's ad, but after Bill contacted her, but it fits even better for after the events of the conference. I have this idea that Bill couldn't help but rub salt in the wounds of the Anti-Cipherites, and particularly targeted Abigale, who had panicked and gone into hiding directly after the conference fiasco, fearing being institutionalized like Thurburt (the way asylums and medical institutions in general treated female patients was historically far crueler and more brutal than male patients in that time period, don't even get me fucking started on the "Rest Cure" that shits insane) And so was far more fearful and vulnerable than the some of the other members. In my version of Abigale's story, Bill torments her all throughout her exile, leading to Abigale forgoing sleep, eating less and less, and overall just worsening her mental state even further. This ALSO goes fantastically with Abigale's mental breakdown near the later half of her life far after her Northwest husband suddenly and mysteriously passed away (read: was murdered) and her son came of age, but I haven't written about that part of her life just yet so I'll hush up for now... but know that the dots do connect!! Some lyrics:

"I never wanted to sleep"

Self-explanatory: Abigale isn't sleeping in order to try and keep Bill out of her dreams, she tries to justify this by saying to herself that she never wanted to sleep anyway.

"Oh I won't forget / Momento Mori, leaves a debt"

Abigale's time as apart of the Anti-Cipher Society was honestly amazing for her. She felt at home among the Anti-Cipherites, finally finding people who weren't too off-put by her eccentric and sometimes abrasive personality, falling in love with Jessamine, spending day in and day out working on fantastic inventions just like she had always wanted... if it weren't for the triangle tormenting her this would have been the best time of her life. And Bill knows that, and uses it against her now that it's all fallen apart. "I'm the one who brought you bozos together, I'm the reason you had such a great time, and I'm the ONLY way you're ever gonna get a bit of that high back! If anything, you OWE ME this!" ...Abigale almost succumbs to the offer of a deal at this time, but ultimately refuses.

"Like a muzzled hound / I'm tied and bound / A wild beast crying for release"

Abigale feels completely trapped after the Anti-Cipher Society's collapse. She can't go back home, since she saw the asylum workers at her doorstep the one time she dared to try, she can't stay in the Anti-Cipher Bunker for long, since its only a matter of time until its found, she can't really skip town because a woman traveling on her own could raise suspicion, and she can't even cross-dress and skip because all of her "boys clothes" from her crossdressing days are tucked away in her house, which is, again, crawling with asylum workers. She's condemned to this horrible state of limbo, "tied and bound" to the dangerous place she found herself in, with no clear way out.

Rule #1 - Magic by Fish in a Birdcage - I'll be so fucking honest this one is mostly here because of vibes BUT also a lot of the lyrics also fit nicely as Abigale trying to rally up the Anti-Cipherites during times of doubt. I sorta hc Abbey as being the glue that holds the society together, her enthusiasm and sheer zeal for what their doing at the society is infectious! Thurburt may be the leader, but Abbey is the motivator. No I totally don't pick favorites ah ha ha what do you mean??? <- (lie) Anyway some lyrics to use as an example of this:

"There is magic in this room"

"I believe in myself / I believe that we can make it / I believe in all of you/ I believe that we can make this"

Both sets of lyrics could be Abigale encouraging the other Anti-Cipherites

"For starters, this is larger than both of us"

Abigale has always wanted to make something that could change the world, and saving the world from Bill definitely could have been that thing. Stopping weirdmaggedon from happening is certainly bigger than just 5 weirdos in a bunker. (Honestly Abbey is lowkey the Anti-Ford. She is just as desperate for recognition and fame but for completely different reasons and opposing bill rather than being fooled by him... but thats a whole other post in itself I could make)

"You can't kill an idea"

This one's stupid but that's literally a Bill Cipher quote. Bill fucking says that in canon. I'm not joking.

Touch Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon - The whole song is about a crazy conspiracist making his case to someone on the phone trying to prove his theories correct. The Anti-Cipher Society's whole thing was trying to fight against Bill while also trying to convince other people that he's even real. They went to a whole ass inventor's conference trying to convince the crowd that a triangular demon was trying to posses minds and that giving the Society money would make their "Anti-Cipher" technology possible. This song isn't just an Abigale song, it's for the whole damn society! Although, I will say that the cheerful and somewhat unhinged way the singer sings the song is very much Abbeycore. SOME LYRICS:

"I've been working on a unified theory / If I make it through tonight, everybody's gonna hear me out"

Working on Anti-Cipher tech, hoping that everyone will hear the Society out at the conference. "Make it through tonight" could also be read as the society trying to dodge sleep in order to keep Bill away from their dreams.

"'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand / 'Cause you're the only person in the world who'd understand the meaning of this / Oh my god / I try, and I try, and I try to make you listen to me"

They really want this conference to go well, chat.

"Don't hang up yet, I'm not done / I'm an expert, I'm the one / The one who was right all along / Better to be laughed at than wrong / I'm an expert in my field / UFOlogy, yes, it's all real / Ancient aliens, it's all true / I'm an expert just like you / And like you, I'm a genius before my time / Disbelieving, that's the real crime / Pretty soon, they'll discover me / In the Super-Sargasso Sea"

Real thing Abigale would have said at the conference if she was put in charge of the sales pitch instead of Thurburt, actually, trust.

From the Start by Good Kid - So this is a cover, the original could work too but I chose this cover specifically because the electric guitar and way the singer sings honestly is so much more Abigale-core then the original's softer, more acoustic tone. Yes I know there weren't electric guitars in 1901 I don't CARE Abigale is ELECTRIC GUITAR-CODED!!! <- (I sound fucking insane.) Anyway, this song is there fore Jessamine x Abigale purposes. I think Abbey fell for Jessa HARD, but automatically assumed she wouldn't be interested, so this song is sorta how she felt being around Jessamine, having this huge crush on her but feeling that she'd never reciprocate... Obviously Jessamine DOES reciprocate in my version of the story but for that brief period of agonizing pining this song is perfect for Abigale and Jessamine in my mind. Not gonna put lyrics here just cause I think they're pretty self-explanatory lmao.

Dr. Sunshine is Dead by Will Wood and the Tapeworms - Ok so this goes back to what I mentioned in the Memento Mori song, this ones here because of Abigale's eventual mental breakdown towards the end of her life. I haven't written out exactly what happens yet, and I kinda wanna keep things vague till I do so there's some mystery left when I finally DO write it down, so I'm just gonna plop some specific lyrics that have to do with that part of Abigale's life and better go in depth once I post the story hehe (Sorry for being vague I just really wanna save my analysis for when that part of the story is up!)

"The room I'm in is still the same, the shadows have not rearranged it / No, the only thing that's changed is how I see at night"

"When did I become afraid of the dark? / Was it when I left the cave and swore I'd never go back?"

"Damn my eyes for seeing what's not there"

"All that I ask is, keep those empty frames / If nobody's in them, then no one is to blame / For your self-portraits, sign another name / Well, who should I be then, if I'll never be the same?"

"And if dreams can come true, what does that say about nightmares? / I'll stay awake tonight"

Make of those what you will, all will be revealed... later!!!!

Crazy = Genius by Panic! at the Disco - Im sorry for putting a Panic! at the Disco song in there it will probably happen again. Anyway this is here mostly for the chorus, and not for very deep reasons either. Abbey's always been eccentric and "crazy" in most people's eyes, and considering her technological prowess she's obviously pretty damn smart, a "genius" even. Also not for nothing but Abigale has absolutely set herself on fire for the sake of testing one of her inventions, on purpose. I know this because I actually was there and saw it happen trust me guys. Lyrics:

"You can set yourself on fire"

See above comment.

"If crazy equals genius / Then I'm a fucking arsonist (hey) / I'm a rocket scientist (hey hey)"

She's a crazy genius guys wow! Such a deep analysis from Aria tonight, huh?

Are You Satisfied? by MARINA - So, Abigale married a Northwest, and my version of her married him after he offered a deal to keep her safe from the asylum workers sniffing her out in exchange for her hand. Abigale never wanted to marry, she was always far too interested in her work (and also women. Cough cough...) Not to mention Mr. Northwest was a sleaze-ball bitch, but she felt she had no choice. This deal (and it was a deal more than a true marriage) was all she had left to protect herself. Then, after her husband's death, Abigale sorta... changed. A LOT. Before this, as unhappy as she was with her husband, she was nothing but protective and kind to her son, and would do anything and everything for him, especially because his father was a piece of shit towards him so Abbey had to really pick up the slack in the parenting department. After his dad was buried, though, Abbey became... A lot more distant, more paranoid. She also became almost OBSESSED with the idea of her son reaching lofty goals that were never enforced so vehemently by Abigale before. Abbey sorta wanted to make sure her son reached the world-changing, lofty goals she was never allowed to, the goals that were ripped away from her. On top of that, she became obsessed with keeping up appearances to neighbors, pretending to be as normal and prestigious as what was "expected of a Northwest." This was a desperate cry for help since her whole life was uprooted and taken from her, plus now she has to make sure no one in town suspects her of killing her husband. She was never cruel to her son because of this, but the relationship fundamentally changed, and later, strained beyond the breaking point. I feel like this song is a really great way to exemplify that part of her life, and both her and her son's feelings towards each other and life in general. Some lyrics that stood out:

"I was pulling out my hair / The day I got the deal, chemically calm / Was I meant to feel happy / That my life was just about to change?"

This is very much how I imagine Abigale to feel on the day of her wedding day. "The day I cut the deal" especially jumps out to me, since thats what that marriage was: a deal. It was a means to an end, an agreement with no love attached.

"High achiever, don't you see? / Baby, nothing comes for free / They say I'm a control freak / Driven by a greed to succeed"

After her husband's death, Abbey becomes obsessed with her son's success, and he starts to believe that success means everything.

"'Cause it's my problem if I wanna pack up and run away It's my business if I feel the need to smoke and drink and sway"

Abigale is still trapped in her new life, even with her husband out of the way. She's trying her best, but all she wants to do is disappear. The only reason she doesn't run into the woods to never return is because her son still needs her. Also, I do believe Abigale would take up smoking to cope at this point (Not drinking, though, for reasons I'll prolly explain in some other post).

Turn the Lights Off by Tally Hall - Living as a member of the Anti-Cipher society was a surprisingly positive experience for Abigale, but it was also one hall of a whirlwind. Fighting a demon that lives in your dreams while also falling in love with another woman while also rushing to build tons of anti-cipher tech while ALSO dealing with nightly visits from that bastard triangle is a lot to handle. Turn the Lights Off as a song is also very similar to this experience: generally upbeat and fun tempo and melody paired with lyrics about monsters and evil, juxtaposed by other lyrics about lovers and taking back control of your life. Some lyrics that I think work well with this idea:

"Eyes of yellow"

Hello obvious and extremely easy to make Bill Cipher reference!

"Bend the nightmare / You control it / Artful dodger / Easy does it"

Abbey had to take some serious control of her mind the few times she does sleep in order to prevent herself from going completely insane due to Bill's nightly torments, at least until she starts developing better technology to prevent Bill's visits

"Don't remember (day's gone) / What we look like (night's on) / Younger holding (day's gone) / One another (light's passed)"

Jessamine and Abigale gay moment ... Specifically that sort of in-the-moment passion-driven kind of love between them where, if only for a moment, they forget themselves and their situation and throw themselves at each other, desperate for the other's touch.

"Can't they take it / Should be stronger / Books abandoned"

Could be about the no doubt near-infinite failed attempts at creating anti-cipher technology that actually works before settling on a final product, natural growing pains of a new developing technology... or could also refer to the conference that made everything fall apart.

Dr. Gaster by Shadrow - Another one heavily based on general vibes but I ALSO think this would be a really fun song for post-1901-timestuck AU Pacifica (like in this post)trying to hunt down any and all information about her ancestor and mentor Abigale Blackwing through years of buried and hidden family records, trying to piece together her life so she can understand what happened to her. Lyrics:

"Dr. Gaster / I won't let you down / Dr. Gaster / Left in the background / Dr. Gaster / I'll try not to frown / Dr. Gaster / I must flag you down"

Pacifica trying to "flag down" the pieces of Abbey's history, feeling she can't "let down" her mentor and wanting to give her life the spotlight she feels it deserved, to unerase an erased history, one that had been "left in the background."

"There was only one of you / Until you split the world in two"

Here, this line isn't as literal as the original song is. The first "you," as well as "the world," being Abigale herself, who is "split in two" as in her history is scattered and hidden, only the most basic knowledge of her existence being in family records while the bulk of her real life and personality. The second "you" can be seen as either Bill ruining Abigale's life, or as her descendants erasing her history for the sake of appearances.

"Dr. Gaster / Through oceans of time / Dr. Gaster / Please know we're both fine"

"Through oceans of time" as a Timestuck reference, since Pacifica meeting Abigale in 1901 and then returning back to 201X is trying to reach her mentor once more through her history and scattered documents. "Please know we're both fine" could also be Pacifica hoping Abbey knows she's back in the future safe and sound and doing the work to get Abigale's life the respect she wants her to have. (Disregard the fact that Pacifica is only one person and the song says this about two people I do what I damn well please)

Digital Silence by Peter McPoland - Another heavy vibes-based one, and also one related to Abigale's breakdown later in life! Also could work for how she was feeling right before and after Mr. Northwest's mysterious death (read: murder). Lyrics:

"This is the way that it is / This is the way that it always will be / Something you love turns to something you miss"

Feeling like she's trapped in her marriage, which she is. Missing her friends, her freedom and independence, her LIFE before Mr. Northwest came to sweep her away, before the conference happened, before everything went wrong.

"This is the way and it makes me sick / I feel it inside me like a pulse / It's starting to slow and the meter dips, oh"

Can represent the growing rage and hatred inside Abbey towards her shitty husband, feeling that hatred "like a pulse" from inside her body.

"Why don't you get it? Can't you get it? Understand / They're gonna execute the mother to elevate the man"

Execution is not literal here. Read it more as sidelining, ignoring, erasing the mother (Abigale) to elevate the man (Mr. Northwest). Abigale is constantly pushed aside in her marriage, treated like a prop and a toy, scolded for having any personality or interests, her very essence being erased (or at least, trying to be erased) by her husband.

"They're gonna propagate the killer, eliminate the youth"

Another non-literal line, here the "killer" is not literally a person who kills people, but instead someone who's generally violent and unpleasant, specifically Mr. Northwest. "Eliminate" here could just mean hurt or harm, and "the youth" is Mr. Northwest and Abigale's son, but I actually like interpreting "eliminate" as literal and "the youth" as the personality and ambitions of both Abigale and her son. Mr. Northwest is trying to "eliminate" his wife and son's personalities or "youth" in order to mold them into the perfect wife and perfect heir respectively, often resorting to nastiness and straight-up violence to do so.

"They're gonna blind date everyone until you love them too"

Yes another non-literal line listen I'm EXTRAPOLATING over here! Anyway this here I imagine as being a line about Abbey's attitude towards her son post-husband-death. As stated before, she wants him to be successful, and to keep up a good appearance/reputation for the family (both to ease suspicion off of their family for having a hand in Mr. Northwest's death, but also because Abbey wants to give her son the chance to actually reach his goals, plus living vicariously through him while he does so) and so "blind date" probably just means doing whatever upstanding boys his (Abigale's son) age should be doing, until "you," that being everyone around the family, "love" him too.

"This is the answer to the question / This is the sound of the truth / This is the answer to the question / There is nothing you can do"

Abigale convinced her actions serve as the only way for her and her son to survive, both before and after Mr. Northwest's death. This is the truth, in her eyes. There is nothing else she could have done.

WOO BOY THAT WAS A LOT! Thanks for reading y'all, and feel free to ask for more explanations about other songs in the playlist... or just enable my Abigale Craze in some other way I dunno I just love this woman sm

@chaseerr0rcode @localcanadiancreature62 ummm.... hey guys...... wanna read this giant wall of text.....?