#i personally don't understand why some people have this need to chew with their mouth open

[skittlemxauthor]

re: the tags of the person I reblogged this from! they mentioned the specific example of being bothering by open mouth chewing, and the insistence that comes with the people who might be open mouth chewing. in situations where you find someone isn't necessarily being an asshole, eg eating with their mouth open, bringing it up as a calm question such as "can you explain to me why you're doing ___ behaviour" with an explanation as to why said behaviour makes you uncomfortable, it usually allows people to genuinely answer without getting immediately defensive (most people, mom's don't necessarily count in this scenario), and if it's something they refuse to change then the best thing to do is change the way you spend time around that person. if you find that you care about a friendship but can't stand to eat around them, change the way you hang out with them and do activities that don't involve eating. hope this helps a little!! ❤️❤️

(tags added below)

"No one remembered my birthday-" Well, but did YOU tell anyone it was coming up and you wanted to celebrate it with them?

"I wish someone would see through it when I tell people I'm fine-" Well, but have YOU considered not lying when people ask you how you're doing?

"I am so resentful of my friend because they keep doing this thing that really bothers me-" Well, but have YOU directly communicated that the thing is bothering you?

"I am burning out because my friend keeps expecting me to help them with serious struggles-" Well, but have YOU tried to establish the boundaries you need to feel okay?

"No one ever asks me about this thing I really care about-" Well, but have YOU brought it up yourself?

"I miss my friend but they haven't texted me-" Well, but have YOU been reaching out to them?

Sometimes people are mean, uncaring assholes, in which case you get to be mad. But sometimes you just need to communicate better. Try communication before you assume someone doesn't care!

[finthegood]

I'M WITH YOU EVEN IF IT MAKES ME BLUE

jj maybank x fem!reader

description: jj and rafe get into a fight over jj being poor. you end up having to clean up your boyfriend and assure him that you still love him. inspired by taylor swift's "paper rings." a lot of this is word vomit.

tw: violence, talk of socioeconomic status, fighting, money insecurity, and a plethora of injuries (shown above).

word count: 861.

five punches and a lot of yelling later, you were sitting on your bathroom counter with jj standing guiltily between your denim-clad legs, eyes running over your face and licking his bleeding split lip.

"stop licking," you demanded mindlessly, voice only a whisper. jj jumped, slightly shocked to hear your voice for the first time since you had fled upstairs with him in tow.

"sorry," he replied roughly.

you had your head tilted to the side, trying not to block the light as you ran a cotton swab over his busted cheek. he tried not to wince at the feeling of cold ethanol alcohol in the wound, but his eyes squinted at the corners. you dabbed it with a dry cloth, before pulling the split together with a butterfly bandage.

as you tried to clear some of the blood off his jaw, you sighed. "i don't really know what to do about the lip. i don't think that i can put neosporin on it, so it's gonna hurt."

"that's okay, it already does."

you gave him a sharp look.

"sorry," he winced.

you chewed the gum in your mouth, having lost the majority of its flavor, now just making your jaw sore in solidarity to your boyfriend. "i know you are," you swallow. "i just don't understand why. we talked about this jage."

he closed his eyes and you watched his adam's apple bob in his throat. he opened his mouth, but nothing came out and he looked ashamed. after a pause, he began to talk.

"i can't stand rafe. i don't know what it is about him, because he isn't the only person who doesn't like me. hell, he's not even the only person who doesn't like me because i'm poor. he just-" he let out a broken sigh. "he just gets under my skin every time, and i don't know why. he makes me so angry, i can feel it boiling under my skin and i just black out. i'm sorry." his voice is hoarse and you know he means it.

"i know."

"i don't even feel bad because he's such an asshole. he has everything. and i don't have shit and he talks and talks, but he doesn't even understand what he's saying because he can't because he has always been fucking rich and i wish i could have that life." his words are spilling out of him, sentences wrapping around each other and his eyes are going glassy. it hurts your heart to see him like that.

you wrap your arms around his neck and hold him, even though you are still angry, because the hurt is sour between your teeth, and you need him to know that he isn't alone.

"but this time was bad. i'm happy your dad was there so fast because i think i could have really hurt him this time," he says it like a secret because it is, but between you two it's just the truth. "he said that i didn't deserve to be at a party like that. that i don't deserve you and your family because i'm just some asshole with no one, with nobody waiting on me or for me. i know you say he's horrible and i agree, but i just think sometimes that if it was a choice between me or him, everyone at that party would choose him, because he's just less trouble."

his words are muffled by your neck, but the meaning is clear. you raise his head and you are inches apart. his breath fans across your face. you rub his unbruised cheek with your fingers and meet his eyes, determined.

"i choose you," you state. he makes a wounded noise. you press a soft kiss to his cheek, trying to move oceans with one small kiss. trying to communicate how much he means to you.

"i'm sorry," he whimpers.

"i don't care about the money, jj. i love you. i choose you. even if i have to clean you up in my bathroom every weekend. even if we both have to be normal people with normal jobs, who work and struggle. you are worth more to me than rafe and this stupid kook shit could ever be."

"i know, i know. i love you and i'm sorry," he winces.

"well, i'm not so stop apologizing," you laugh.

"okay, sorry," he says, laughing loudly when you glare. he leans in to kiss you, split lip be damned. it's gentle and slow. his lips are warm and soft. he deepens the kiss, just looking to kiss. not pushing you to do anything, never asking for more than you give. he licks into your mouth and you sigh.

you kiss for a few minutes before you remember his lip and pull back. he chases your lips mindlessly and you snort. "your lip, baby." he groans and you have to stop yourself from continuing.

his hands rub your waist and you admire him. there is a bruise beginning to form on his jaw. you want to bite it. he swallows and whispers, "i like your earings."

"shut up," you snicker before going to kiss him again.

[kaiasky]

ok so here is my best understanding of weed from someone who has never smoked it, except for that one time i smoked it.

weed is apparently a flower not a leaf. the other bits have thc but people are wusses and don't smonk them. EXTREMELY silly since the cannabis leaf shape is so iconic. (the only parallel that even comes close is that the aminita muscaria is the icon of psychedelics despite not being a psyllocybin mushroom.)

i think like only one sex of plant has flowers that are worth smonking and it's a big thing to ensure all your seeds are female.

for some reason chewing it raw doesn't get you high you need to heat it up? (which i learned because i was worried that if i could smell unburnt weed in storage i was getting a contact high)

in general i feel that weed fans are maybe a bit of pussies like idk, simply smoke 3x the weed if it has 3x lower concentration, idgi? skissue.

People have strong opinions on how to get their weed but it seems like generally: in illegal places you talk to the most annoying person you know, and in legal places you go into an app store and place an order on an iPad and if you go to the front desk they say they can't help you, place an order on the ipad. or you order it online with various promises about how fast it'll get there and how little you need to interact with another human being.

there is an item known as a grinder which seems terribly designed and intended to spill as much cannabis on the ground as possible. why does this item look like a petri dish and not have an inbuilt funnel or something? i do not know.

the grinders job is to turn weed, which started life as loose ground up buds and was compacted into brussel sprouts of slightly more compressed ground up buds, into loose ground up buds, so it can be recompacted into slightly more compressed ground up buds in a weed cigarette bunt

the airflow of a joint is a mystery to me because my mental model of it is just you take the rolling paper and roll it up, lick it to seal it shut, and then twist the ends shut like a tootsie roll. which would block you from being able to suck the air in, no? my best guess is it's not entirely airtight and you just draw breath through the paper.

similarly, once you light it i don't understand what prevents the weed from spilling out the open end. if you blew on a joint would it spray everyone with smouldering weed?

i think most joints are unfiltered because idk. in general ig my perception is that cigarette users prize the aesthetics of a manufactured and standardized product while weed users prize the aesthetics of handrolling as a craft.

theres some substance called resin that makes it more thc-y. presumably it's just you blend up the rest of the plant and distill it?

blunts are either cigars with weed in them (do they still have a tobacco leaf as the wrap??) or just a big joint I'm not sure.

you can also, if you're normal, use a pipe or a bubbler or bong. this is very sensible and i understand how these work.

i don't understand why the weed pipe is that particular form and not like a tobacco pipe. or like why are the tobacco pipe, crack pipe, and weed pipe all different??

If you're a wuss, you can eat a gummy, either the thc kind that does something or the cbd kind that does nothing. you eat this and "nothing happens" and you have 4 more and then you explode, and apparently this happens to everybody. skissue.

the primary effect of weed is that you feel uncomfortable and want to eat food except ur mouth feels bad when it eats food. secondarily time goes slower (which, by the time-flies principle, implies you're not having fun?)

theres sativa which is if you want to have a fun joyous intriguing time, and indica which is boring. People make a lot of this difference and it's always like "there's two types of cowstuff, prime rib and literal cowpies"

if you smoke weed you get a tolerance and if you stop smoking you get less tolerance. so theres a ritual of taking a break to reset the tolerance. i find this oddly charming.

[archiveikemen]

'Absolutely Obedient Maid' Collection Event

Jude Jazza

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection. I do not own any of the original content. Please support CYBIRD by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Warnings and FAQ

special thanks to @otomefiend for providing the story~ ♡

Jude: Some guy you don't even know demanded you to be his maid, and you were about to respond with “yes, understood”.

Jude: … Are you into that kind of stuff? I’m repulsed.

Kate: That’s not true…!

And why were Jude and I bickering again?

It started when a woman happened to bump into me while I was accompanying Jude as a fairy tale writer. She looked like a maid, and accidentally dropped the laundry she was carrying…

The man next to her who appeared to be her master was about to whip her, when I reflexively jumped in to shield her from him. The “deal” I made with the master seemed to have upset Jude.

Kate: I just thought that if I did the laundry, that maid wouldn't have to get hurt.

Jude: You have a strong sense of justice. I’m impressed (sarcastic).

Jude: There was no guarantee that laundry would be the only thing you'd be doing.

Kate: We can’t make sure of that anymore, though…

Before I could even nod, the master who said to me “if you shield her, you’ll be a maid and wash the dirty laundry” turned pale and ran away the moment he saw Jude.

Kate: It’s not always you see people turn pale at the mere sight of someone’s face. … Until that face was yours.

Jude: But thanks to that bastard, you don’t have to become a maid anymore, isn’t it?

Kate: What?

Jude: Are you going to leave your debt unpaid?

Kate: …!?

My body instantly grew tense like a reflexive reaction.

I was way too familiar with the weight of the words “indebted to Jude”.

Kate: … I- I’ll treat you to lunch as a thank you.

Jude: I don't want that.

Jude rejected my offer and stared down at me with predatory eyes.

Jude: A debt, huh… ah, that’s right.

His thin lips lifted into a sinister smile.

Jude: How about becoming my personal maid as a way to repay your debt? If you can do that for some stranger, you can do the same for me, yes?

Jude: I’ll show you just what it means to be in a contract of absolute obedience.

…

Jude: What? I can’t hear you. Say it again.

Kate: … Ggh.

Jude: If you don’t say it louder, I’ll stuff a cloth in that useless mouth of yours. You better do your best.

I was with Jude in one of his trading company’s warehouses, where I trembled with fury at his degrading comments.

Kate: … I will obey your every word, Master.

Jude: Sit.

Kate: … Huh?

Jude: Didn’t you just say you’ll obey me? Sit.

Sitting on a crate, Jude hurled heartless and shameful commands at me, and I gritted my teeth while obeying every one of them.

A shiver ran through my skin as I sat on the chilly warehouse floor.

Kate: … Rather than a maid, I feel like a dog.

Jude: You’ll obey my every command, so that makes you no different from a dog.

Jude stood and carelessly stepped on the hem of my long skirt with his fancy black shoes.

(I won’t be able to stand up quickly like this—)

Jude: Shall I rip these clothes off, put a collar on you, and take you on a walk?

Kate: A- Absolutely not…

Jude: Can a dog talk back to its master?

Jude: If you’re not willing to obey me, then you don't need this mouth.

He reached out to cover my mouth with his large hand, and I immediately apologised.

Kate: I- I understand. I was too thoughtless, I’ll reflect deeply on my actions…!

Jude: Oh, really? I’ll forgive you if you get on all fours and bark for me.

Kate: … gah 😖.

My face turned red in embarrassment from that humiliating command.

(...... I’ll even toss my pride into the sewers if it means I can finally put an end to this.)

I unwillingly got on all fours as ordered while glaring at Jude.

Kate: … ugh… woof.

Jude: Hah, you look like you want to chew your master’s head off.

Jude: … I like that defiant look in your eyes.

Kate: Wha…

Jude: I didn't plan to play around with you but…

Jude: I’m interested in hearing how you scream and cry.

Kate: …!?

He grabbed my arm and before I could process what was happening, he roughly pulled me up and pushed me against a wall.

Both my hands were pinned together against the wall, causing me to be unable to resist.

Kate: L- Let go… — ah!

My body jolted as he pushed his leg in between my legs.

(Are you kidding me right now, no way, is he serious?)

Jude: …

Jude stared coldly down at me with an unreadable expression.

Kate: N… No… ah

I struggled and tried to escape, and a sweet numbing sensation ran through my body when Jude’s knee rubbed against the spot between my legs it was touching.

My head turned into a mess, filled with feelings of fear, frustration, and shame.

Jude: … What are you so worked up for? I barely moved.

Kate: Move… please move your leg away…

Jude: Getting yourself off using your master’s body? You fail as a maid.

Kate: That’s not…!

Jude: How about you deal with this by yourself as punishment?

(... You’re the worst!)

His whispering in my ear sent shivers through my spine, my legs felt like they were about to give way.

Jude: If you saw another woman being treated the same way you are right now, what would you do?

Kate: …!? Of course I’d call for help…

Jude: Tch… you’re a real idiot.

His cold gaze didn’t look like he was mocking me, but rather he looked angry.

Jude: You’re supposed to answer “I’ll ignore it”. You didn't learn your lesson at all.

Kate: Wah—!?

He pressed his leg harder against me.

The sensation it made between my legs caused a noise to escape my mouth involuntarily.

(I- I can't believe I just made that noise…)

Jude: How do you expect to “help” someone with that weak little body of yours?

Jude let go and I fell to the ground, turning red in humiliation.

Jude: If you want to keep hanging around me, then drop all that sort of lip service and virtuous thinking.

Kate: …!

Jude: If you can’t do that, then just make up some bullshit excuse for the mission and go back to sleeping curled up in the castle, Princess.

I stabilised my ragged breathing and bit my lip.

(... Jude is warning me.)

(I can’t do that… I can’t abandon my ideals and my mission.)

(Also… why does he have to resort to such dehumanising methods to give me a reality check?)

(I… I want to understand him.)

I took a deep breath to pull myself together and faced Jude directly.

Kate: I choose neither option.

Jude: … Looks like I should've shut your mouth after all.

Jude muttered those words of displeasure and left the warehouse.

And I dragged my aching knees and body after him—.

[mike-haters-dni]

So while I'm Saying Shit, I also have a problem with this idea that El was upset that Mike wasn't saying I love you specifically because her love language is words of affirmation so she really needed to hear it? I mean, first of all I think the idea of love languages is mostly useful as a quick generalized way to discuss how we respond to and express affection—a messy nuanced human behavior thing that is hard to talk about, and the show is written with that nuance, but even then I don't think El particularly craves or requires words to feel loved anymore than anyone else does. I think in s4 she was really just confused about why her boyfriend was refusing to say the word 'love' under any circumstance to her? Especially after she heard him say it once already and then she said it back to his face in response so its like, he said he loves me before and I let him know I feel the same and now he won't say it again? Not even as a way to end letters—a normal thing people do for someone who means much less to them than she supposedly does to him sooooooooooo like what's the fucking deal? The contents of the letters sure implies he holds a lot of affection for her and he brings her flowers in her favorite colors and ok we're in love and then he signs 'from' on the card and its like ????? like even as the audience you're supposed to be confused lol like he clearly has some kind of hang up I wonder what it is? Then after El smashes a girl's face in she thinks "oh yeah, the hang up is that he actually hates me because I'm evil haha lemme just start projecting real quick" and then, you know, s4 happens. I mean, it's not like she doesn't value words at all, I just don't think her relationship to them is particularly tied to her trauma like people say, or if anything, maybe she values them less because that's all Brenner would ever give her? Like, perhaps the big Love Confession hits the hardest because it came after Mike and company spent a week or whatever driving across the entire western united states to save her from the government. Idk, something to chew on.

Honestly, if anyone's love language is words its Mike lmao he's the one whos constantly telling El how amazing she is. He's also desperately trying to tell her he loves her in like 5 scenes (arguably succeeding except for not saying the actual word in most of them) before he actually does like, he wants to so bad it almost comes spilling out of his mouth against his will (except for that one time it does ha) he's just terrified of doing so because it would essentially be ripping his entire beating heart out of his chest and handing it to this powerful-in-every-way girl on a silver platter for her to do whatever she wants with—like crushing it into a fine paste in front of his eyes, killing him instantly and preventing him from having the strength to love anything ever again. Like, the other half of the love language thing is that you also speak the love language, meaning you are more likely to show affection by doing the thing you want for other people, and Mike does this waaaaay more than El does for anyone actually (something I would love to see her do more in s5 lowkey. Like, she was at a severe disadvantage before and was too busy dealing with her own shit to have a ton of emotional energy for anyone else so it makes sense, but we're matured now. I think now is the time for a heart-to-heart that goes both ways u kno).

If I wanted to be cute, I could argue that both Mike and El's main love language is actually acts of service. They're both little heroes who jump at the chance to do anything for the people they love with no regard for their own personal wellbeing. Also, adorably, the thing that gets them back together in s3 is Mike saving El from Billy, which El responds to by helping him and Lucas with the vending machine. One offering of m&ms later and we're back baybee it's the quiet understanding that no matter what they'll always be there for each other for meeee

If I'm not being cute I'm saying the idea that everyone has a main 'love language' is bullshit and you're gonna appreciate different things at different times and people are not that easily categorized but it's still a good jumping off point for discussion so—

Anyway El saves the world and Mike saves her and they're dying in each other's arms thank you for your time <3

[smallnico]

oooh a good wyll analysis we are eating good today. thank you so much I am chomping and gnawing and chewing. Wyll is such a great character and he had sooo much potential, but unfortunately -gestures at games- thank you for putting things down into words it was a delight to read ^^

i've got more in the tank probably! any one of the people i talk to normally will tell you that i can go on and on and on with very little prompting.

speaking of wyll's confidence issues (apropos of the ask that sparked this), you get some interesting dialogue options as him that drive them home in a way. a lot of the wyll-exclusive dialogue options you have in the grove during a wyll origin run can be summarized as like, "bluster and self-hype for the sake of projecting confidence" (very Yes It Is Me, Spiderman, Have No Fear, You Can Be A Hero Like Me) that really makes you understand why lae'zel tends to get on his ass for self-centredness or hypocrisy, as well as the option of dialogue that seems, conversely, uncharacteristically self-effacing, like "oh i have no idea what you're talking about, how did you know who i am, i have no idea what to say".

i like to interpret alternative dialogue options for origin characters (including durge at times) as like, things that genuinely occur to the character to say, things that they are tempted to think or speak into being. a part of wyll exists that is so willing to fake it til he makes it for the love and confidence of the people of the sword coast that he's willing to accuse that one tiefling (the one with the bugbear assassin and the soul coin) of like, daring to presume that one as noble as the blade of frontiers would Ever consort with devils, like full defensive gaslighting style. the man believes himself fundamentally incapable of both working with devils and being worthy of love or trust or acclaim. the other converse response in that exchange is "what? how did you know about that?" which, smooth one there, mr. of frontiers. but it catches him so off guard, that dialogue option really belies the fear that exists of being discovered as a 'fraud', the fear that also would prompt the aforementioned bluster and lying. (shoutout also to auntie ethel's vicious mockery calling him the "fraud of frontiers", as well as "daddy's regret". ouch.)

and why shouldn't it make him afraid? man was driven out of the only home he's ever known, away from the father he Still idolizes and looks up to, unable to explain his own actions. i also would start to feel like the truth wasn't enough, that maybe i didn't deserve grace, that there was no excuse for being what i am. it can cause real psychological harm to someone, not being able to explain themselves or their experiences to another person -- it takes away from a person's ability to process their memories, because the memories are just... trapped in your brain's own echo chamber of fear and regret and self-doubt. like maybe it Didn't need to happen that way. maybe i Was jawing at the mouth to make a devil deal. maybe there really Is no excuse for what i did. maybe tiamat Wasn't rising. maybe the whole thing didn't happen at all. like. being able to have someone else listen to the story and go "wyll, truly, it sounds like you could not have had a more noble reason to sell your soul to the hells. i wish you hadn't had to sell your limited time on toril to the hells, too" was probably a Moment In Time for him. like hey i'm not sure that i believe that yet but it does feel good to be able to talk about it and to hear those words. maybe i Am just a good man because i'm trying. maybe i Don't have to punish myself forever to prove it.

there's also something to be said and dissected about how florrick, when you rescue her from the inn, says something like "i know you probably hold little love for your father now but" and wyll has no option to rebut that point, even though the internal narration and essentially all evidence is like "of course you love your father. he cast you out but you know how important he is to the people of baldur's gate, and to you. he's a hero. he's the hero you may never truly be". and it's just so fucked up how so many of the voices that influence wyll's moral compass are the same ones that end up making him think like he somehow isn't worthy or able to do something like care about his dad. like. this is in no way a florrick hate account bc i love her. but for real the way she interacts with wyll just. oof. oof. hey florrick? you are proving his negative internal narrative correct by externalizing it. what the hell. stop it. but like it doesn't even occur to him to correct her -- i'm not over this. she said "i'm sure you hate your dad. but please save him anyway" and he has no option to say "i don't hate my father, but i'm sure he hates me and i'm worried he's right to". he's just like "yeah, that's fair" or "would he be happy to see me if i did?" like augh wyll ravengard the man that you are.

speaking of (gestures at game), i Think they're fixing this in patch 7, but it's so fucked up how if ulder ravengard dies you never get the final point wyll gets from him in his quest where his dad tells him like. you don't need a dragon. you were powerful enough to seek out and defeat the dragon. the city will be safe in your hands. like it doesn't occur to wyll to think that on his own without his father's approval, and that's so fucked up and sad to me. like wyll you don't need that man's approval! you don't need it! he sucks! wyll's dad is both a politician AND a cop and that's why wyll is the way he is (half-joking. nuance exists, obviously). ulder ravengard cast out his 17 year old son moments after he noticed that wyll had fucked up without hearing an explanation or trusting that there was a good one. wyll doesn't have nightmares about all the monsters he's fought or the scars he's acquired (and he has more visible ones quantity- and diversity-wise than i think anyone in the party, save maybe lae'zel), he has nightmares about his father casting him out. that's fucked up. the first thing wyll's dad does when you rescue his ass from the iron throne is yell at wyll for his devil appearance. i don't know if that's going to change (patch 7 notes say it will), but right now he reacts the same as if you renewed the pact with mizora to save him, basically just chastising his son Yet Again for the devil pact before learning any context. the vibe is like none of the shit that's happened between then and now matters. you know, the way wyll acts. like how nothing good he's done for anyone really matters or makes him a good person. like how none of the effort he's put in makes him innately worthy of love and trust and respect if he doesn't adopt a pretense of perfect heroism. grand duke ulder ravengard when i get my hands on you

anyway all this to say i wish more than anything there were a way to communicate to wyll that his father kind of sucks and that his approval is not the objective marker of good or worthiness. the way the game is now kind of implies that it is. wyll deserves to cultivate his own self-worth independent of his father's approval AND he deserves a sincere apology from that man. because duke ravengard WAS in the wrong, and it somehow takes more than selling wyll's soul to the hells forever or bending over backwards to violate his pact to save the duke for him to finally acknowledge that he disowned and exiled his own son for no good reason. wyll, your dad can be What This City Needs and also be dead fucking wrong about you. your father does not determine whether you are a good person -- you do.

[happyk44]

Just thinking about Todoroki seeing his classmates get together and yearning for something similar but the only person who isn't taken that he mildly likes is a certain spiky blonde who has displayed no physical interest in anyone.

It's easy with everyone else. He's picked up the signs. Blushing faces, stammers, longing glances. Most of it culminates into a mutual courtship but for the most part, some of it fades and wanes into the next crush.

He doesn't really get it.

He wonders if Bakugou doesn't get it either.

Maybe that's why he doesn't turn red unless he's screaming and why he doesn't preen himself like a bird when someone specific comes in the room. He never stammers. He's too confident. He sweats but he always sweats.

The more Todoroki watches him, the more he can tell that Bakugou is pretty. He knows what pretty is - what other people say it is at least - and Bakugou fits.

But it's somewhat more than that, isn't it? It's not just his face, it's his voice. There's a deep melody to it even it's only heard when he's hollering. And he has nice hands. Sure, they're calloused and tough, but always clean, deliberate black fingernail polish on his nails.

He smells good too. Strong. Like caramel.

He's never been one for sweets but Todoroki is always a little tempted to lick him just to see if it is anyway.

And his hair looks stiff but he's grazed it enough times to know how soft it really is. Uraraka is obsessed with Midoriya's curls and, if Todoroki transposes that onto someone else, he understands why. There's this forbidden element in Bakugou's whole stature. Off limits to everyone.

And he's pretty.

And Todoroki likes him in all his screeching brash honesty and aggressive manic grins and sparking popping hands and swears so dirty his sister would plug his mouth with soap

"Take a picture, Icy Hot," he seethes and Todoroki blinks out of his staring. Bakugou stares him down. "It'll last longer."

He cocks his head and then does so. Bakugou's face burns and he swats Todoroki away, snapping at him with no real heat. Todoroki bounces back and leans against the counter again.

Bakugou is always focused when he cooks. Can he blame him for staring?

"We should date."

Bakugou's hand goes so white around his spoon, for a moment Todoroki is certain he's going to snap the wood in half. "Hah?"

Todoroki pockets his phone. "Everyone else is dating."

Bakugou rolls his eyes. "So, what? You're a fucking sheep now, Two-tone?"

"No." With his eyes, he traces the outline of Bakugou's arm - the way his muscles twitch under his skin.

"You sure fucking sound like it," Bakugou mutters. "Everyone else is dating so we should. Ha!" He snorts - an ugly sound if it were on anyone else. "As if."

"Do you not like boys?"

Bakugou waps at him with the spoon again. Todoroki flees to the other side of the kitchen, spicy red sauce stinging his wrist. He licks it off his skin and resists the urge to hiss. It's really hot.

Bakugou watches him with a careful eye before turning back to his food. "Who I do and don't like is none of your business, Weak Tongue."

That's a new one. Todoroki chews on the edge of his tongue to regain any sensation that has now been dulled before answering.

"You like me."

Bakugou looks a second from blowing off his head. A usual reaction when Todoroki says they're friends. It's been a year of it though and his reactions have toned down.

He doesn't scream denials anymore.

That should count for something.

"I tolerate you," Bakugou snaps back. "I tolerate all of you."

Well, that's not true. He's not the opposite of who he used to be but he's changed. He doesn't growl during rescue training as much as he used to. He teams up with the others effortlessly - even if he still grumbles and shouts at them. And, although testy about it, he does let others take the lead when needed. Infrequently and only a couple people - Midoriya, Iida, and Momo.

Everyone else is usually relegated to "convince me and maybe I'll listen" but even then, it's more than what it was.

He stretches his sleep schedule on weekends to hang out with the class and his own little group. He helps with studies.

He even cooks when asked - although it does take a little praise to convince him but it's very rarely a lie when it's done.

"You like me," Todoroki corrects and he ducks when Bakugou aims a small burst at his head.

The smell of burnt hair singes above him but he pats his head and feels nothing on fire and so counts himself lucky. He took out the entire top of Kirishima's hair once. Although he looked quite nice when Mina evened it all out. And it seemed the connection over hairstyling is what brought them together in the first place.

"Say it again," Bakugou hisses, "and next time I won't miss."

He's still prickly about friendship but if Todoroki cared about that, he wouldn't be doing this.

"We should date," he repeats, taking a tentative step forward.

Midoriya's self-sacrificing tendencies must be rubbing off on him.

"I don't date extras," Bakugou says.

Todoroki pauses. "How do I stop being an extra then?"

There's a pinched look to Bakugou's face that screams "don't kill him, don't kill him, don't kill him" and it's presence makes him warm.

Something to work through later but for now he settles into that feeling and steps closer and closer until he's pressed into Bakugou's personal space.

Bakugou cuts his eyes at him. "Back up." Todoroki does. By an inch or so and Bakugou seethes. "Annoying," he mutters.

But he doesn't tell Todoroki to back off anymore. So he hovers.

The silence isn't palpable but it is tense. It cuts around Todoroki's throat like a noose, attached visibly to the flexing fist at Bakugou's side.

Bakugou stirs his sauce without word and Todoroki hovers nearby. His heart beats with every thump of the spoon against the pan. It's a near quiet sound but in the silence it feels all too audible.

Maybe this wasn't his smartest thought.

"Why do you want to date anyway?" Bakugou says at last. "Because, as is fucking obvious, if I did date, I wouldn't date a fucking sheep."

"I'm not a sheep," Todoroki mutters. He wrings his wrist. "Everyone else just seems so happy."

"So? You need to do what everyone else is doing?" Bakugou smacks him, a short shot from the back of his hand up against his chin. His head knocks back but Bakugou keeps going. "That's a sheep."

"I think it would be nice to see why."

Bakugou snorts as he turns off the heat. The sauce is bubbling and he gives it a final stir before spooning it into a still hot bowl of rice. "Get a fucking clue and maybe I'll think about it."

He drags over the other bowls he'd laid out for his so-called squad and spoons the rest of the sauce into them. "And ask me better next time, idiot." He cuts his eyes at him, a ferocity in them that sends a chill down Todoroki's spine. "I don't take to demands."

"It was more of a suggestion."

"Do I look like I give a shit?"

He did not.

Todoroki shifts. "No," he says. "That's what I like about you." Bakugou pauses, his shoulders tensing. "You don't care about things like that. It's weirdly calming."

Bakugou snorts. "You sound like my old man." His eyes cut him again. "I'm not gonna date my old man, Icy Hot."

"I wouldn't want you to." Todoroki reaches up, grabs a box of rice crackers out of the cabinet and holds it to his chest with both hands. "Enjoy your dinner, Bakugou."

He's halfway out of the kitchen when a fork smacks him in the back of the head. "Oi, dumbass."

Bakugou points at one of the bowls. "You can't live on rice crackers alone, idiot."

He brushes past Todoroki with a rough push, his free hand hot against Todoroki's skin. Their fingers just barely glide across each other. Todoroki stills, catching Bakugou's eyes as he grins, all teeth bared. Then Bakugou turns and shouts out into the living room for his "incapable extras" to go feed themselves.

Todoroki is gone before they can even notice he grabbed a bowl for himself.

[underthetree845]

armin with an s/o who constantly bites/chews on their lip

Stop this is me 😭 I have a habit of doing this. Yes I'd love to write something for it!

- What would Armin be like with an s/o who has a habit of chewing their lip? (Your) Vanilla Chapstick

Armin/gn! Reader (headcannons/scenario)

Cws: gn! reader, modern au, s4 armin, established relationship, armin with a crush, anxious habits, winter time.

About 0.5k words

Summary: How would Armin act with an s/o who always bites/chews on their lip? How might he try to help them?

A/n: I always find myself biting on my lip, it's a habit, so writing this felt natural and nice <3 we all need an armin in our lives.

He noticed your habit even before the two of you started dating. (He did stare at your lips often but don't mention it).

He wants to help you with the habit but doesn’t know how to without putting you on the spot and he doesn’t know how you’ll react. 

So one day he offers you a chapstick, a vanilla one (unopened) as a random little present, saying that it’s the brand he uses and it’s really good. 

He always feels bad when he notices you have a split lip, knowing how much of a painful inconvenience it usually is. It’s a habit he’s dealt with himself in the past, so he understands how easily it is to slip into it absentmindedly. 

When the two of you are dating and he notices you chewing your lip, he’ll gently tap his mouth or just offer his own chapstick for you to use. This happens more often during winter time, when the cold weather chaps your lips easier. 

He never ever ever ever shames you for it, and if you seem insecure about your lips not being soft or pretty enough, he reassures you that he thinks your lips are wonderful, you’re definitely not the only person, most people don't even notice, and kissing you is the best feeling in the world to him. Feels like heaven in his opinion.

He’s already a soft kisser, but if he knows you’ve been biting your lip more recently, he'll kiss you even more gently than usual. He'd be scared to bite your lip in fear of hurting you. Please do it to him though. 

If both of you forgot your chapstick and you lean in to get some off his lips, Armin.exe will cease functionality for a bit. 

-

(Scenario):

“Angel,” Armin softly cooed, giving your gloved hand a squeeze with his own. You looked over to find him tapping on his bottom lip, and you immediately released yours from between your teeth. 

“Oh.. yeah,” you let out a sigh, giving him a grateful nod and shuffling around in the pocket of your coat. “Shoot…” you murmured. 

“Forget yours?” the blonde boy tilted his head. 

“Yeah, would you mind…?” you replied, gesturing to his pocket, but he was already reaching inside. 

You waited for a moment and Armin paused, releasing your hand from his to search in his other pocket before pressing his lips into a line. 

“Hm, well that’s ironic,” he lightly chuckled, giving you an apologetic smile and scratching the back of his head, fingers brushing over his scarf, “Sorry about that.” 

“It’s fine,” you replied, pursing your lips in thought for a moment. “Did you put some on before we left?” you asked, slowing your steps to a halt. 

“Yeah, why?” Armin stopped and faced you directly, unconsciously taking one of your hands in his again. 

“Could I have some?” you gave him a small smile and he drew his eyebrows together in confusion. 

“Angel, I would, but I thought you understood that I forgot mine at ho-” Armin widened his eyes when you cut him short, feeling his cheeks heat up despite the chilly bite of the winter air. 

Your lips were warm. He allowed his eyelashes to flutter shut and kissed you back, being met with the familiar butterflies that never ceased to appear since the two of you first met. 

You pulled back with a sweet smile which Armin found himself matching. 

“Thank you for the chapstick Love,” you gave him a close-eyed smile and Armin felt his cheeks redden. 

“Any day,” he replied, giving your hand a squeeze.

A/n: Thank you for reading!

[nerdygaymormon]

Carving out the life I want - Therapy session 11/7/2023

This past weekend I was spending time with a husband & wife who are friends of mine. She is a nutritionist who is employed by the county to work with people who have eating disorders. What an amazing skill set to have in a friend at this time in my life.

She shared with me that when we feel like we could use a warm hug, chewing soft foods can provide that sort of feeling, especially foods we associate with being cared for or with good times. Or when a person is feeling frustrated or stressed, they choose crunchy foods as crunching down with your jaw can deliver relief, almost like punching a wall when you're angry.

Suddenly I started recognizing how I use different foods. For example, I was at a friend's home and some of my other friends were meeting us there. I felt a lot of anxiety. Would they get along, I have different kinds of relationships with each of them so how can I mesh those together? Plus, they're gay, one attends the LDS church and the other doesn't, so for me it brings up the whole balancing being gay & Mormon, which is the source of a lot of my mental health issues. My nutritionist friend said this feeling of nervous energy is exactly why chomping on potato chips can feel satisfying afterwards.

I also realized there's some foods I only use for the chewing & spitting but not for binging. She said those are likely foods high in sugar, salt and fat, and the chewing of them combined with the mouth feel of them, activates the brain's pleasure centers, even if I'm not actually swallowing them.

Whether I'm feeling the urge to do disordered eating, or even if I'm engaged in that behavior, she suggested I take time to think about what I'm feeling and what situation(s) triggered these feelings.

—————————

I shared with my therapist that a week ago I ate so much food that I was in real discomfort, and as I lay in bed I had the thought that purging would relieve this feeling. I suddenly could see the appeal of bulimia. Trading in one eating disorder for another isn't healthy and isn't my goal but in the moment it seemed like a solution.

I have years of binge eating and also of chewing & spitting. I've been living with these eating disorders for so long that I don't have a good history of listening to and understanding my body and its needs & wants in regard to hunger and food. My drive to eat isn't based on what my body needs, but in response to emotions.

It's been a while since I did the kind of binging where I eat a lot of food very quickly and don't feel in control, and then the next day I can't remember having done that. I used to do that on a daily basis. I still overeat to the point of being uncomfortable, but it's spread over more time and doesn't feel as out of control, and I don't do it every day, so it is progress

—————————

I told the therapist how earlier this year I ran into a former friend of mine. It's been great to reconnect. He left the church, came out as gay, and got married. He has invited me into his friend group which gets together monthly to eat, drink, and play cards (many of them were raised LDS, so they don't know how to gamble, which means the card games the group plays are things like UNO and Crazy 8's 😆). One of the couples in that group has invited me to Thanksgiving dinner and I was very surprised at the invitation.

My therapist asked why I'm surprised? Do I think my friend included me into his friend group because he thought I was a dweeb and wouldn't get along? Of course not. You're an interesting person, it's not surprising they want to spend more time with you and get to know you better.

At that point I shared with the therapist about a conversation I had with a friend of mine where I wondered why my stake has kept me on as the stake executive secretary for so long? They probably should've released me in 2017 when I was suicidal and started therapy, but instead they rearranged presidency meetings to accommodate my sessions. They probably should have released me when I was hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms and home bound for about a year. Instead of releasing me, they setup a screen in their meetings so I could continue to participate. Are they exploiting me?

My friend said it's likely that they love me, they like having me close, keeping me on during those times let them keep an eye on me, I help them see perspectives that help them better understand, and they can see I make an impact in the stake and beyond.

This past Sunday at church it was joked about how I've served so long that this is now the 4th stake clerk I've served with. Then the first counselor in the stake presidency said there's no plans to replace me, that's not a conversation they've been having. That I bring so much to the calling beyond making appointments that I make a unique impact. It felt great to have that confirmation.

My therapist said if they have the power to replace me and they haven't, it means they appreciate me and like having me be part of their team.

"Why do you insist on believing that others wouldn't want to have you around?"

—————————

We ended with my therapist saying that he sees me carving out the life I want from the life I currently have. Tackling eating disorders, joining new friend groups, and other examples, are ways of me saying I want a different kind of life and then working towards it.

[imtouchestarved]

Chapter six

He's staring at her..

All throughout breakfast, Rengoku's gaze never left her direction. She was already shaking with shame as she walked towards the breakfast table, but this made her feel even more ashamed than she was!

Why couldn't he stop even for a minute? Her face and body grew hot with every second his eyes laid on her.

"WHOA, why is he staring at you like that?" Mitsuri asked as she finished her 5th plate. Thanks to the food in her mouth, her voice wasn't so loud like usual, and (Y/n) couldn't be more grateful.

"I don't know.." she whispered, trying to be as quiet as possible. "Well, my behavior yesterday was out of pocket, but I didn't think it was THIS bad that he's gonna stare at me like that.." she shifted closer towards Mitsuri, so most of her face was hidden from him.

Then, she sighed in defeat and gripped her messy hair in frustration. "I do understand him a bit, though.." she admitted while Mitsuri stopped chewing and looked her, waiting for her to continue. "I mean.. I've only met the man three times, and I've acted like I've known him for years.."

She groaned as the embarrassing moments flooded her head. "What have I done," she whined. Her friend put down her bowl of rice and patted her back in an attempt to comfort her. "Don't worry.. Rengoku-san isn't the type to get mad or think badly of people that quickly. I've known him for a while. Just apologize to him, I'm sure he will understand."

The frustrated girl sighed and nodded, "You're right, I'll apologize to him.." Mitsuri clapped her hand tenderly and smiled, "Great! I wish you luck, " she said and went back to her food.

...

Why was she avoiding him? He always saw her in the corner of the room that he was in, peeking at him but never approaching. It was like she wanted to talk to him, but for some reason couldn't. He sighed as he walked in the garden. The hangover really caught up to him, his head was spinning.

Suddenly, his crow landed on his shoulder. He grinned at him and patted its head. "What's up, little guy?" The crow tweeted in response.

"Rengoku-san." A recognizable shaky voice came from behind him. He turned around only to find (Y/n) standing there nervously. She was fidgeting with the hilt of her katana, and her body was tense.

She finally approached him.. he smiled at the thought. "(Y/n)! What is it that you need?" He asked as he walked over to her.

She lifted her chin in an attempt to look more confident, though her shaky fingers gave her away. As she lifted her chin, the sun rays hit her face and lightened up her red tinted cheeks. Rengoku stifled a chuckle.

"I owe you an apology.." she blurted as she put her hand on her chest, squeezing the fabric of her uniform. The man tilted his head in confusion, "You do..?" He questioned and she nodded.

"Yes, of course. My behavior yesterday.. it was totally disrespectful.. it was my first time getting drunk, and I wasn't careful with my words like usual." She bowed, "pardon me if I caused you any discomfort."

The flame hashira started to laugh loudly, the crow on his shoulders flinched and flew away. "Don't be so serious! It was a wonderful conversation! Besides, that's how you act when you get drunk. There's no need to apologize." He sighed and shook his head, "Really now, I knew you were a formal person, but I didn't suspect that much."

The flustered girl stood there in shock. "...so you weren't mad at me?" She asked.

"MAD?! Of course not!!" He stated.

"B-but at breakfast today, you didn't stop staring at me.. you looked furious.." (Y/n) got back to the fidgeting.

His eyes winded, and he scratched the back of his head nervously. "Ahaha..that wasn't my intention! You just look.. different with your hair down.." Rengoku looked away, not meeting her eye.

As he said the sentence, her hand shifted to her hair blocks that slid down her back, stroking it with her fingers. "Oh, I see.. well then, I apologize for assuming," She bowed again.

He waved his hand in denial, "Pay it no mind. How are you dealing with your hangover? Are you feeling okay?" He questioned. (Y/n) nodded and started to tie up her hair. It was getting quite warm. "I've drank some tea with honey. It really helped. Other than a little headache, I feel alright." She answered.

He hummed in satisfaction. "Good, I'm glad!"

The two sat down and chatted a little more, and then it came to an end when all of the pillars had to get back to their duties.

(Y/n) Unwillingly said goodbye to Rengoku and the others. And they all parted ways once again.

She hoped they will meet again.

She hoped one of them won't get killed.

But as soon as she stepped outside of the mansion, a gut-wrenching feeling washed all over her. She could do nothing but ignore it.

[th3-p-a1-nt3r]

Fun/Quirks of Wren!!

Tw//Cw: Stiming with self harm, bad body image, mention of suicidal ideations,

I wanna make some HC ish type of post but then i was like "Wait Wren is my alter this doesnt count" BUT IDC!!!

Wren is AuDH with major BPD

A fun stim Wren likes to do is repeat things they think is funny

Like they'll watch a tik tok and repeat a phrase like "I've see more fruit at a farmers market"

Or when their just standing around w/other people they'll do a little dance just to pass the time

They also have a lot of pain seeking stims

Ex: Chewing the inside of their mouth or biting their lip until it bleeds, tying a thread around their finger joints to feel pain, picking at their skin, picking at scabs, often biting themself when their mad causing their arm to be numb with pain for a bit

MINOR anger issues, had to take a anger management when they were 6-10 because they bite kids

Also they sometimes want hugs all of the time and when they don't get a hug they'll have an meltdown from the understimulation

They love being in a weighted blanket burrito soooo much!!

Also sometimes when someone criticizes them they'll lash out but if that person helps them understand why they need it they'll be less pissed

They hold grunges until they die/get even with them

Wren also has a lot of suicidal ideations

Bad habit of self harm and really bad body dysphoria

They wanted to make themself skinner when designing their model but after a bit they grew used to their body and began to love themself a bit

Chubby

They also love praises from people they love

Sometimes needs to hear why people love them due to a lot of trauma of being unloved and feeling unworthy of it

"IT LITERALLY LIKE ME FRFR"

more soon if yall like it :3

[chancellorxofxtrash]

opinions on the Geats cast now and what are your hopes for the endgame.

I just think they are neat

I love trickster characters who occasionally even fool themselves with their own trickeries. Lies upon lies upon lies. Ace was lying to his fellow constentants, the DGP, his real family too probably, and to himself. He'd try to keep the others at arms' length and act flippant, but still fundamentally a good person. And he really is losing it - both with having let them get too close to him, and just everything unraveling around him. I love him so much. And he's still ready to do anything because all these lives of his, he went through so many things just to find her mother - and he'd do anything to get her back. Anything to free her.

Keiwa is... I understand a kids' show needs comic relief, but I'm just tired of it always being Keiwa, and always after he just seemed to hit some kind of treshold in his character development. But god, I love him. He's just a Good Boy. I love a Good Boy. I want him to break down and snap and and go on a rampage before calming down. He earned it. Pop off babyboy.

Neon is just such a good one, and probably my favourite female rider I had seen so far. The escapism, the depression, the identity issues inherent from finding out you were created for one reason, one reason you don't seem to fulfill anymore. Wanting to disappear. I love her so much and I wish I could hug her.

Michinaga. SIGH. My love for Michinaga is pretty well-documented at this point. I love vengeance-driven assholes. He will set himself on fire to make the world burn, and I love him so much for it. He's destructive and angry, and probably also lies to himself that he doesn't care about anyone else, there are no Kamen Riders, and even there are some vaguely Better(tm) ones, he is too far gone at this point. And still, he wasn't murdering them when he did his culling. I love him.

I love Tsumuri so much and I am so happy she is getting more focus and development now. I love her and I need her to be on my screen More.

Win is my babygirl and I love him dearly. He's just so fucking fun. I missed him so badly.

I miss Sae, and I wish she would have stuck around longer. She was neat.

I am one of the four people who enjoy Daichi's nonsense, lmao. He's so pathetic and horrible! He thinks he is in Death Note! He is so horrible! I love him dearly. It was also funny when he went through Lamentation with basically only chewing on popcorn to watch the drama and did nothing else. I wish he would have done more horrible things - well there is still time.

Sara is sweet. I don't have anything else to say about her. I hope she gets a Buckle, even if not on the show, then in a vcine or something.

Girori was a fun initial villain. Chirami was funny as fuck. Suel is amazing if he really is gonna be the final boss and I hope he NEVER stops being anything else but a floating outfit.

I love the disaster sponsor gang. I love Ziin and his mess. He's a total mess, but I love how he became steadfast, and didn't even turn his back on Ace even though Ace wants to destroy his beloved DGP. I love his character development. He is a disaster blue fox and I love him.

I love Kyuun. I love how he's a socially awkward mess, who always puts his foot into his mouth most the time, and struggling to be genuine. I miss him. Dumb lion boy.

I don't know why people are shocked about Kekera, lol. He looks like a yakuza, dresses like a yakuza, talks like a yakuza, why are people shocked when he started to act like a yakuza too? Of course he will do messy shit to put his blorbo into sitations! And I love him.

Once again I am one of the five people who actually love Beroba, and the vicious violent hatred against her in the tags is highkey making me uncomfortable. My horrible daughter who did everything wrong, and I hope she never gets redeemed. She's just such a delightful and fun villain. I love her so much. One day I will write a character study about her, I swear to god.

Niram sexy. I thought he might have more to do but I really love him, I love the air he gives off, I loved the few times he transformed and his fighting style. That's it. Bit bummed it seems like he won't be the final boss, but Suel will do fine. Niram can just stand there and look sexy.

Samas seems like a girlboss, but I don't know enough about her to really care.

Endgame...

The DGP has to burn. Mitsume will probably die, and the most Ace will get out of her was either a final powerup, or a hug, or both, and not much else. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd die before the end of the show either, with Suel forcing Tsumuri into her role.

(Can you imagine? Suel laughing about "want me too free your mother? sure!" and Mitsume's statue is falling apart, while Tsumuri is screaming and taking her place? It'd be so cruel and I could totally imagine it.)

I want all of them to have one more powerup. I want Keiwa to snap, go on a bit of a rampage, before circling back. I want Neon, Ace and Michinaga all realize they are... not alone anymore. They can lean on each other now.

I want them to henshin side by side, the four of them, for the final battle - just like the Doctor Riders went to face off Chronus at the end of Ex-Aid. Just like the four riders walked up to Evolt before the final fights of Build. I want them to be an united front for the first time, all of them reaching the conclusion that the DGP has to go. (Keiwa and Neon has a bit more development to go through before that, of course. But in the end.)

I wish we would see the four of them remember.

I want the four of them to remember, and being together in the end (well. you know. obviously not Together Together on my screen, but like, in each others' orbit).

I don't find it unlikely that they'd maybe. Forget. Because the story would end with a hard reset, erasing the DGP. I'm not sure if Ace would or not - I wouldn't be surprised if the show would be mean and let Ace be the only one who remembers. WHICH WOULD BE EVEN WORSE THAN BUILD. AT LEAST SENTO HAD BANJOU. AAAARGH.

I know vcines and other movies would fix it, but I AM STILL TERRIFIED OF IT. I would need to write so much about it.

Anyway I want them to fight together, the DGP to fuck back off into the future (Beroba maybe dragged back, to maybe, you know, be a vcine or special villain later on), and then possibly either being in each others' orbit in the end, or at least looking for each other.

I think it'd be funny if all of them would forget (Ace actually being granted the mercy of forgetting would be nice), and yet STILL would end up around each other. Drawn together. But that's definitely just wistful thinking from me.

[aimmyarrowshigh]

For the WIP meme. You knew I would zero in on this one...

Star Wars - Damerey.docx (This is In Screaming Color)

Of course! :P

First off, if you haven't read what's been posted yet -- it's here on AO3.

I'm not going to lie, the main reason that I stopped working on it, and stepped away from SW/Damerey as a whole, is because the Damerey fandom became an especially toxic mudhole in a particularly toxic fandom. I still love this story, and I have a lot more written than is posted, but

a) I don't write longfic in chronological order, so I can't post what I have without writing the in-between bits that aren't as interesting to me, and

b) I stopped particularly wanting to give Damerey fandom nice things because it stopped being a place of people who deserved nice things.

The mass bullying of my bb @dracosollicitus in particular, who BUILT that ship on her BACK p much, was my kind of last straw, and at the same time, TLJ/ROS didn't follow through on the goodness of TFA, and also WandaVision came out, so my brain was just like, "I GUESS WE'RE A MARVEL NOW INSTEAD."

But, like I said, I DO still love this story and man, I have a lot of it already written and it doesn't totally suck, so I do intend to SOMEDAY finish it. But I literally mean "someday." Like, it may well be for The Force Awakens' 30th Anniversary Rerelease With The Poe/Rey Hug Scene, or something. It definitely isn't on my immediate TBW pile. But it IS still in the WIP folder and not the WIP Amnesty pile.

Here's a clip of the unposted-yet stuff:

“You,” Poe says, setting his tray down beside Rey’s, “Need to have a talk with your droid.” Rey looks up from her bowl of porridge. She’s covered it with so much sugar that it looks like Hoth in a bowl. “I don’t have a droid, Poe.” “Artoo,” Poe says. He takes the sugar shaker from her scavenger cache and tips some into his caf. “It’s corrupting Beebee-Ate!” Rey actually stops chewing at that, and she wipes her mouth first on the back of her wrist, and belatedly, a napkin. She’s learning. “Is Beebee-Ate alright? I didn’t even think about bugs when Artoo came back online, but do you know, I don’t think it’s been defragged since before the Clone Wars. I’ll take a look through its databank and give it a good wipe as soon as I’ve finished eating. Beebee, too, if you like?” “No, not—really, the Clone Wars?” Poe shakes his head. “Not corrupt like programming. Corrupt like—like—” Poe leans down towards his tray and starts to maim his toast with butter. “It is exposing Beebee-Ate to concepts that Beebee is too young for.” “Beebee-Ate’s much newer than Artoo.” Rey still sounds baffled. “If anything, wouldn’t Beebee-Ate expose Artoo to new material and concepts? Especially after so long in hibernation?” Poe stabs the joganfruit jam. It oozes satisfyingly. “I mean that Beebee-Ate is a child and Artoo is being inappropriate with it.” Rey makes a very strange sound. When Poe looks over, she is very kindly hiding her laughter in her knuckles, but her eyes are bright. “Poe… I don’t think droids work that way. Beebee-Ate’s got a cute little personality, but it’s not actually—” “I don’t want Beebee-Ate to swear and know about—merging programming,” Poe huffs. Of course Rey doesn’t understand this; she’s couldn’t possibly feel the same kind of compunction to protect vulnerable little star-bright things from the shameful, dirty realities of being an old, battered veteran. Like R2D2. (The kriffing Clone Wars, and it’s never been defragged? No wonder it went offline so long.) “Oh,” says Rey, sitting back in her hard plastic chair. “So that explains why Beebee-Ate rolled straight for Threepio this morning.” “What?” Poe half-stands to crane his neck and look around the mess. “I thought Beebee was in the hangar!” “No, they’re right over there.” Rey points to the far corner of the mess. Poe can just barely hear the words “parts assembly” and “motherboard,” and then BB-8 gives a surprised [beep!] and rolls back a half-measure. Its dome swivels in a circle that looks embarrassed, or maybe like the droid’s concept of ‘self’ has changed, which is entirely likely. Poe raises his eyebrows at it when Beebee’s optical finds him. He mouths, “You’re in trouble, buddy.”

[bibookmerm]

getting my shit together

Ok, first of all: there are several skills I lack that it is becoming apparent I need to learn/improve.

One is driving. My wife and I are looking to get our first car. She needs it for work. She drives. Our roommate drives. But I dont. And I was just talking to my friend about how we can never get our friends together bc most of us dont drive/dont have cars. We need more gays that can drive, so I have to step up, lol.

Two. I need to feel confident hand sewing. It's not that I "cant". I know how to thread a needle and do a backstitch, running stitch, whip stitch. But I am very slow bc I havent had much practice, so it annoys me, so I avoid it. I have a dozen little fixes I could do and I should do those. People who sew regularly can do these things in like 10 seconds. I wanna be them.

Three. I need to learn to swallow pills BEFORE my top surgery in March so I dont have to be like "do u have liquid painkiller 🥺" because what if they're like "no". And also, needing an alternative is pricey. (this is something where I believe my disability comes in. Coordinating my muscles in new ways OR more quickly than usual is difficult for me. Like of course I swallow food every day, but normally I take my time chewing first, so to place something in my mouth and quickly swallow it feels daunting. That's the best way I can explain it. Just feels like a different ball game lol. My pcp gave me a trick to try, so I will try it.)

.

The other thing is, I am at a level of stress I personally find untenable. I am not wading through any major personal tragedy at this moment, so honestly I feel kinda like. Damn. Why is ~everything so hard~? Am I being dramatic? What happens when shit truly hits the fan if I am already unstable now? Well, I clearly need to put some measures in place now so I can tread water.

Such as:

Establishing a baseline level of cleanliness/clutter for the apartment. Aim for everything to be above that baseline most of the time, but understand sometimes it will sink to that level when something else must be prioritized above household chores for a minute. In its current state, I'm embarrassed to invite anyone over here. I want the baseline to be just, what I could deal with someone seeing. If I don't feel comfy having someone sit at my kitchen table or couch for an afternoon, it's too messy. I need to specifically write down the "acceptable level", get it up to that, and keep it there/above. This could also be a conversation with my wife and roommate to be clear on what everyone defines as acceptable and all work to keep it at whoever's ideal is highest.

Buying some wardrobe staples. My clothes not fitting is uncomfortable. I expect to gain more weight as I stay on T, sooo I should get some stuff that's a little loose now?

I've noticed I need more gender validation. I get misgendered constantly, working two public facing jobs, and I've started thinking some self depreciating thoughts. Maybe I need to work harder to counter these things within myself and not seek it from others, but yeah, this is one reason I need therapy. I had such a positive self image like a year ago and I'm losing it :/

Challenge my social anxiety. Another thing it's a good idea to have a therapist's guidance in. I feel so overwhelmed that I forget quality time with friends helps me recharge! I need to balance draining peopleing with healthy peopleing.

There's more, but if I can do this much, the stressors I cannot change should be easier to bear. Now to actually go set all the things in motion.

[agirlneedsgoals]

State of the Me: Boo Hoo Sad Panda Edition

Hi. I still haven't been around, sorry. I'mma cut this so people can scroll past. 😘

I'm still in Sad Panda Land, hence the not being around. It's just getting worse in a lot of ways. I'm isolating even more. I've dropped email entirely (Google says my account's almost full; that's a lot of emails). I'm starting to wobble on Instagram. Idk, I'm not great at social media anyway. I post but I can't keep up with so many people. Friends I was in regular contact with a year ago are occasional texts now.

My anxiety has been off the charts in fun and interesting ways. I've been biting my hands, wrists, and forearms when I'm distracted. I wouldn't call it self harm but I've fucked them up pretty bad. Only drawn blood once...on my wrist...next to a vein...right over a tendon....because I'm stupid occasionally, fuck. But it looks like I've been both mauled and burned. Why burned? Idk, I'd like to know that, too. My skin is reacting weirdly.

I have a ton more chewlry than I used to but it's not the same and I don't even notice when I'm doing it so it's hard to switch to the chew toys. Also, I chew A LOT more with the chewlry in my mouth. And HARDER. Like aggressively hard. It was starting to hurt my jaw and teeth. And I keep taking bites out of them and killing them.

I realized the other day that this biting thing started LAST SUMMER. And other anxiety things (pulling my hair (not out, just yanking on it), drinking angry water/soda excessively, making my room even darker and more enclosed than normal and refusing to leave it, refusing to leave the house for weeks at a time, weird rhythmic movements) had started BEFORE that, so no wonder I couldn't figure out a trigger.

Everything is worse. I'm sadder, I'm sicker. I feel trapped and like I'm giving up even though there's a part of me that's screaming for me to do something.

Not to say I'm dying or anything. No I'll just be this hollow shell person for years and years and years.

I'm reading an insane amount but it's all brain candy trash romance novels. I'm learning a lot about the different subgenres. I'm intending to write one but my writing has also stopped for the moment. All the ideas, but no work on them. At least I'm still having ideas? 🎉

I'm TRYING. I just feel...trapped. Stuck in some sticky goo like a roach in a roach motel. I keep asking for help (figuratively and literally) but what are people supposed to do, really?

I'm not sure I'm medicated well anymore. My original goal with medication was to control my anger and we've done that. But I'm so sad and so anxious and so frozen all the time. I don't have Executive Dysfunction, I AM Executive Dysfunction.

Maybe I need a new therapist. I love Theresa but even when I manage to say something real, I feel like she doesn't understand the implications.

I don't knowwwww. Everything is hard. Everything feels insurmountable. I feel like I'll spend the rest of my life in my little cocoon, escaping into books while I wither away. I'm having stretches of apathy that are scary blank. I don't want to stop caring. I can't stop caring.

Hand staple forehead. Such spectacle, very drama.

[princefado]

16 and 22! :D

for the 🔥 choose violence ask game 🔥

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

honestly, this question is hard!! the first to come to mind is coffee shop/modern aus. but i CAN understand those, i just don't find them interesting... i guess i don't understand the appeal of childhood friends to lovers unless it's got *chew* to it. or, in general, just "friends" to lovers. i don't tend to like romance that melts in your mouth. i need it to be chewable! if that makes any sense. i need some sort of power dynamic issue or plot-related conflict, or maybe one of them is just severely traumatized lol. but if the drama is 100% just "oh i dont know if she likes me!!" i tend to find it hard to find interesting...

i dont NEVER find friends to lovers interesting, but i dont understand how people can put it as their *favorite* thing, yknow.

ok im putting the second question under a cut bc this got long

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

oh, so many. of course for ace attorney, the holy grail of gumworth ship moments is phoenix completely being oblivious to edgeworth freaking out after an earthquake, while gumshoe goes to check on him, knowing in advance that edgeworth would be upset. it's really funny to go into the gumworth tag now and then and see people who are just replaying the games, or who have never played them, and they go "wait, i was ready for narumitsu moments (because they're the most popular), why am i shipping gumshoe and edgeworth instead?!". it's usually triggered by that scene. maybe nm-side does talk about it and i just don't see it, though.

obviously i dont think the scene *excludes* any particular ship, but it really drives home that phoenix *does not* know the "new" edgeworth! gumshoe does. and it's a great way to get the player to care too; like, what was up with that??

that said i do think it's really funny that phoenix is just like "??? i do not see the person having a ptsd episode in front of me. that's so weird." like. what! phoenix! maybe you could take it metaphorically as him refusing to see that edgeworth has changed, lmao.

a lot of my other fav ships are actually the main ship of a story/fandom, or no one talks about anything related to them, so...

anyway here's a couple scenes that stick out in my brain for other fandoms:

>the scene where mikage kisses mamiya's finger after he pricks it on a rose. also all their scenes and them in general.

>the scene in promise of the rose where usagi lays her head in mamoru's lap and tells him that she's his family and she'll always protect him. actually just that entire movie, no one talks about it enough ever.

>all the bits in amnesia where alexander talks to you inside your head. also daniel beating another child half-to-death when he was a kid.

>the entirety of pl vs pw, tbh.

this was actually a really hard question and now im thinking about it too much lmao.