#i only know a total of 2 friends not counting new mutual that have read anything in the 2nd book. and one of them only did so this month

[ekuns]

you know, with my art i dont really care about the amount of notes it gets on any site anymore. i couldnt care less about if it gets seen by many or little. but with my writing, it really kinda sucks that almost no one looks at it and if they do they almost never continue reading past the first book...

[hoejosatoru]

Worth the Wait

Pairing: Fem!Reader X Togame jo, character all 21+, readers hair color/texture and skin color unspecified

Summary: You never thought much of you're little brother's best friend when you were younger. He was just another annoying kid your brother brought around. But Togame grew into himself in adulthood, totally changing your view of him. Little did you know he has been crushing on you for quite some time.

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: smoking, Togame has like some pervy thoughts I guess, face sitting, unprotected sex, cream pie, Choji calls while they're fucking and Togame answers, don't read if aging up characters bothers you. Not proof read. MDNI

Togame could remember the first time he saw you easily. The sight of you laying out in a bikini was quite literally seared into his brain.

He'd been friends with Choji for awhile at that point. They became fast friend after Togame had moved into the neighborhood and started at the same middle school as Choji. They bonded over their mutual disinterest in academics and a shared interest in getting in trouble.

That day was the first time Togame went to Choji's house. It was warm, one of the first days of summer break. Togame was excited to have a whole 2 months of freedom from the drag of classes and homework. He was certain this first summer in Choji's friend group would be one to remember. But first, they needed money for the arcade.

When Togame rounded the corner into Choji's backyard and saw you laying there he stopped dead in his tracks. Choji had mentioned he had a sister, but pretty much only spoke of you being a bitch. Togame really hadn't thought much of what you'd look like. Really, he just imagined Choji with long hair and lipstick, which wasn't a pretty sight. It was safe to say you were nothing like he expected.

His eyes had shamelessly raked up and down your body as you tanned. The skimpy bikini you wore made him damn near weak in the knees. He could tell you were older, probably in high school. Realistically, it was only a few years older than he was, but it made you seem so adult, so out of his league.

"What are you losers doing here?" You had grumbled when you noticed their presence. The look you gave them was disinterested, bordering on rude, but it sealed Togame's fate. He reckons his affinity for mean women was sparked in that moment.

And so for many years he's harbored this crush on you. Of course he had other girlfriends and hook ups, but none could live up to the enigma that you were. His want of you was the only secret he kept from Choji, considering it to be bad bro code to tell your friend how hot you thought their sister was. His secrecy proved to be good judgement.

Every once in awhile, some idiot new recruit would make a comment about how hot you were within Choji's earshot and let's just say they met a very unpleasant ejection from the gang. The worst he saw was the guy who said he'd 'like to have your lips around his dick.' Nobody dared even look at you for a while after that.

That comment was crude, even for Togame's standards. But he would be a hypocrite if he didn't admit he thought things like that. He wasn't particularly proud to admit what he'd done with those thoughts. Many times he had fisted his cock to the thought of you, wishing he could blow his load inside you rather than in his hand.

He'll never forget the time he was over and you walked out of the bathroom in just a towel. Your skin was flushed and glistening from the shower. "Out of my way weirdo," you had snapped, pushing past him. He hadn't cared you called him a weirdo, not one bit. Your skin had brushed against him, all while you were wearing nothing but a towel. The thought of just a single strip of fabric separating your naked body from him is what really did him in. He ended up jerking off in the bathroom, shooting ropes of cum into the toilet. Definitely not his proudest moment, but better than having someone notice he was rock hard.

For you, Togame was not someone you payed much attention to for the longest time. When Choji was a kid he was... a bit much. He often didn't keep friends long and so you never bothered to learn names or even faces. Togame, though, was the first friend Choji had that lasted. But that didn't really change your opinion of him for awhile. He was just another one of your brother's weird friends.

However as you got older, the bickering between you and your brother lessened and you developed a closer relationship. Because Choji and Togame spent so much time together, it naturally led to you becoming more acquainted with him.

On this particular evening you were at a Shisitoren party. Choji tried to keep you from attending his gang's parties for the longest time, but it would be a cold day in hell before you let your little brother tell you what to do. When you slipped out of the packed house to get some air, you found Togame smoking a joint in the backyard.

Togame had changed a lot since you met him. He'd always been on the taller side, but lanky in his youth. In adulthood he had shot up even more, towering over you. But it wasn't just height that grew, it was his whole stature. He'd become so much broader, muscle defining his body. You would have once described his eyes as goofy, too big for his face. Now they sat perfectly with his features, the emerald tone entrancing. It hit you one day that you found your little brother's friend attractive and you didn't really know what to do with that.

"What are you doing out here Togame?" you questioned, pulling his joint out of his hands and taking a hit. If anyone else did that, he'd find it annoying, but from you? He loved it. He couldn't pull his eyes away from your lips as the wrapped around it, his mind immediately going to a very inappropriate place.

"Think you've known me long enough to call me Jo," Togame replied, purposefully brushing his fingers against yours as you passed the joint back to him. He could taste your gloss on it as he took another hit. It was sweet, like candy. He wished he could taste it on your lips.

"Guess you're right about that," you said. Togame held out the joint for you to finish. Instead of taking it, you leaned and allowed him to hold it as you took a hit. "Thanks Jo." You made a point to over emphasize his name as your eyes flicked up to his. Togame grinned, the sound of his name as you smoked his weed making his body buzz.

"You never answered my question by the way."

Togame shrugged. "It was a bit crowded in there. The new recruits are..."

"Lame?" you finished for him. All of them seemed too nervous to talk to you. It made these parties rather boring.

"Ya know if someone talks shit about our guys I'm supposed to kick their ass," Togame replied.

"I'd like to see you try. Choji isn't the only one in the family that can fight," you said.

Togame smirked. "That's kinda hot."

The last few months, your relationship felt shifted with Togame. You weren't sure if it was just because you realized you were attracted to him, and thus you were reading into things more. You noticed he dropped little comments like that, seemingly a joke but certainly could be suggestive. Not that you were innocent of this; you had done your fair share of flirting recently.

"Just kinda? That's disappointing," you replied. "Though I guess that's all I'm gonna get from you Shisitoren guys. My brother's got you all on a leash."

"The guys are scared of Choji," Togame shrugged. "You know how he is."

"Well I'm not scared of him. I'm his older sister, I don't need him trying to control me," you said.

Togame put his hands up innocently. "Hey don't shoot the messenger. I'm just saying that's what the guys are thinking. They fuck you or something and Choji will be on their ass." Togmae couldn't contain his interest. "Is there a guy here you're trying to hook up with?"

It was moments like this you felt that Togame could look right into your head and read your thoughts. "Wouldn't you like to know."

Togame grinned. "Oh I would." He was silent for a beat, considering his next move. Maybe it was the weed lowering his inhibitions, or the way you've been more flirtatious, or just his patience wearing thin after all these years, but he was feeling bold. He took a step closer yo you, his scent filling your lungs. You had to tilt your head up to look at him. "But you may like to know that I'm not scared of Choji."

Oh?

"Hmm, I think I'm gonna need you to prove that to me, Jo," you challenged.

Togame's eyes twinkled with desire. He had a good feeling you were gonna take him up on the offer, but hearing you confirm it made him almost giddy. "We could leave now and no one would notice." Togame gesturing to the party going on inside. "You have your own place now, right?"

And the next thing you knew, Togame was on top of you in your bed. He kissed you deeply, his mouth confident and languid against yours. You had a sneaking suspicious Togame would be a good kisser and you were absolutely right. You slid your fingers into his dark hair, gripping it to pull him closer.

"Fuck," Togame pulled away, slightly breathless. "You have no idea how long I've wanted to do this." His eyes slid over your body, licking his lips at the thought of stripping your clothes off you.

"Don't tell me you've had a crush on me Togame," you teased. You nipped at his neck, grinding your body up against his.

"Guilty," Togame replied, slipping his hands under your shirt. "I'll never forget the first time I saw you. You were in this tiny little bikini. Been dreaming bout what your tits look like ever since."

You laughed, vaguely remembering the day he was talking about. "But I was such a bitch to you."

Togame squeezed your tits over your bra. "That's why I liked you." He yanked your top off and made quick work of your bra. "Even better than I imagined," he grinned. He licked up the valley between your breast as he massaged them with his hands. His lips found your right nipple, sucking on it to the point of sensitivity while he rolled your left nippled between his fingers. You let out soft moans, rubbing against him for friction. He could feel himself getting harder by the minute, but he was not rushing this after all this time. He kissed is way over to the other breast, repeating the process.

When he finally pulled away, he couldn't help but smile as he admired his work. Your tits were red and swollen from his sucking, glistening with his salvia. He wished he could take a picture.

"You look hot like this," he mused. You took the opportunity of him being distracted to flip him over so you were on top of him straddling his lad. Togame looked up at you with surprise and desire.

"Bet I look even hotter like this," you replied, slipping your hands his shirt and pulling it off. Togame couldn't argue with that. He went to grab your tits, but you slapped his hand away. "No touching till I say so."

Togame let out a groan as you pinned his hands over his head and kissed him. It was maddening, feeling your lips and tongue tangle with his all while you rocked your core against his hardened cock. He wanted to touch you so bad, but not being able to mad it hotter some how. He'd never been with a woman who took charge at all and he loving every second. You both knew he could over power you if he really wanted, but he didn't. He enjoyed feeling at your mercy.

"What do you wanna do to me, Jo?" You asked against his neck. You licked and sucked at his skin.

"Wanna taste you so fucking bad," he replied, his hips grinding up against your. His cock was staring against his boxers and pants, desperate for release, but there was no way he was passing up an opportunity to bury his face in your cunt.

"Mmm want me to sit on your face, huh?"

"Please." There was an edge of desperation to his voice that drove you wild. You released his arms, allowing him to help you out of the rest of your clothes. He licked his lips as you crawled up his body, positioning yourself over him. Togame gripped your hips and pulled you down on to him. He moaned into your cunt as he licked up your slit.

Togame took his time, exploring your cunt with lush, languid strokes of his tongue. He swirled around your clit, sucking it lightly, before teasing your hole. He pressed his tongue deeper inside you, pulling a sensual gasp from your lips.

"Fuck Jo." You rocked your hips against his face, chasing the high that was building up in your body. His nose brushed against your throbbing clit, heightening your pleasure. Togame fucked his tongue into faster, desperate to feel you cum on his face.

His wish was granted with just a few more flicks of his tongue. You cried out his name, the sweetest sound he ever heard, as your body pulsed with pleasure. Your release coated his lips and and tongue and he drank it all in.

"Fuck you're so sweet," Togame panted when you finally slid off of him. He was shamelessly licking his lips clean. He climbed on top of you, an eager glint in his eyes. "If I have to wait any longer to be inside you my dicks gonna explode."

You snorted and rolled your eyes. "How charming."

Togame stripped off his pants and you shamelessly stared at the size of him. Not only was he long, but deliciously thick. Your thighs rubbed together in anticipation.

Togame couldn't contain the deep groan as he slid inside you. He's fantasized about this moment countless times. He's dreamed of how it would feel to have your cunt wrapped around him, sucking him into your wet warmth. Not one of his fantasies compared to the real feel of you.

"Fuck angel you feel amazing." He slowly rolled his hips, savoring every inch of you squeezing him. He couldn't go any faster, not just because he didn't wanna rush this moment, but because he didn't trust himself not to bust too quickly. You were happy to let him take his time as you adjusted to stretch of him deep inside you.

Suddenly, Togame's phone buzzed on where he left it on your nightstand. "Shit it's Choji," he grumbled.

"Are you seriously answering that right now?" you questioned.

"I gotta, he'll be suspicious if I don't." You were about to protest, but Togame already clicked the little green accept call button. "What's up Choji?" he said casually. You could only hear one side of the conversation, but you got the gist of it.

"Your sister?" Togame replied. His eyes dropped down to where he was buried deep inside. "No, sorry I don't know where she is." He winked at you, smiling wickedly. You rolled your eyes, not a Togame, but at your brother for questioning your whereabouts.

"Oh, I'm sure she's doing just fine," Togame smirked at you. "Probably just got bored and went home... yeah I went home too, recruits were boring the shit out of me... sure, if I hear anything about it I'll call you." Togame hung up and tossed his phone aside. "You might wanna text your brother, he's annoyed he can't find you."

Your grumbled, reaching for your phone. The last thing you wanted to do was text your brother while a man - his best friend no less - was literally inside you. But you didn't trust him to not show up unannounced. Unsurprisingly you had a few missed texts from him.

Relax dude I just got tired and left

And I don’t need you calling Togame to hunt me down

"Alright now you better fuck me good enough that I forget you literally answered a call from my brother mid sex," you snapped at him. You wrapped your legs around his hips and pressed him deeper into you. The pressure caused him to lean lower over you, his face just inches from yours.

"My pleasure." Togame was so deep in you as fucked into you. You nipped at his neck and shoulders, stifled your moans against his warm skin. "God, you feel so fucking good," he babbled, "Never had pussy like this."

Your cunt fluttered at his words, only egging him on more. You could feel him throbbing inside you as you dragged your nails down his back. Togame gritted his teeth, loving how the pain of it missed with pleasure. It didn't take much more of his fat tip brushing your sweet spot to pull another orgasm from you.

"Jo -ngh." Your whole body shook with bliss. You clamped down on Togame impossibly harder, pulling a string of curses from him.

"Fuck, can I cum in you?" Togame groaned. He was so grateful that you nodded eagerly because honestly he wasn't sure if he would have been able to stop himself. With a low grunt his hips stuttered and spilled inside you. You rolled your hips up to meet his, savoring the full, warm feeling. Togame held thought he died and went to heaven.

"My middle school self would be so proud of me right now," Togame said when he finally rolled off you. "So worth the wait."

"You're still kinda weird," you replied, "but that was good enough that I'll let it slide."

Togame grinned. "That's all just part of my charm." You rolled your eyes and reached to check your phone. 5 missed texts from Choji.

Okay good. Don't leave without telling me next time

Wait... how did you know I called Togame?

Are you with Togame?

Y/n fucking answer me

I'm going to fucking kill him

Shit.

"Uh, I may have gotten you in trouble," you said. You flipped your phone over for Togame to read. You expected him to get angry or freak out, but he only shrugged.

"Like I said, I'm not scared of him." Togame yawned, truly unbothered. "Besides, you were so worth as beating."

[butterfliesandwintering]

Blind Items - Pt 1

Cillian Murphy x Y/N

Authors Note: The POV changes from all knowing to Y/N’s pop because it feels more natural. I know it’s weird, but I hope you can still enjoy this! The prologue for this series can be found as well, and I recommend you read that first! This is in no way the real Cillian Murphy! Totally fictional! All feedback is welcomed! Enjoy!

Blind Items - Prologue

Summary: Y/N is an artist performing at Chritopher Nolan's new movie premier party. There are many famous actors there, Y/N has only one person she wants to meet, Cillian Murphy, the lead actor of the movie.

Word Count: 1641

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Blind Item #1

This A- artist who performed at the exclusive movie premier party could have gone home with anyone, but apparently she chose to take home the much older, leading actor of the new movie. 

Allegedly: Y/N, Cillian Murphy

Blind Item #2 

This actor of our time was flirting hard with the performer of the night at the Christopher Nolan’s new movie’s exclusive party. But allegedly, he didn’t get to take the artist home though. 

Allegedly: Timothee Chalamet, Y/N

Blind Item #3

This actress who’d been seen in many A list films lately was very upset since the guy who she had been allegedly been hooking up with, was flirting hard core with another woman right in front of her. 

Allegedly: Florence Pugh, Timothee Chalamet, Y/N

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I found myself from the smoking area of the venue. The LA night’s weather was just perfect. I had finished the first gin and tonic a while ago and was now drinking the next one that Timothee Chalamet had brought me. I guess he had overheard my first order and knew what to get me. 

“I can’t believe we’ve never met before!” Said Timothee while taking a drag from his cigarette that he had borrowed from you. “We have so many mutual friends, it’s unbelievable” he went on. It was true me and Timothee were around the same age and we did hang out somewhat in the same circles, especially when in New York, but we had never met each other. “I know, it’s weird!” I said. “So when’s the next time you’re gonna be in New York?” He asked looking hopeful. “I actually don’t know, I’m gonna be here in LA for a bit now, and then I’m heading back to London” I said feeling a bit sorry because he clearly wanted to spend time with me. “Ohh, well when ever you’re in town, give me a call, will you?” Timothee said with a wink. “Let me give you my number” he said. I liked that he was so upfront and clearly flirting with me full on. I handed him my phone and he put his number in. He called himself so that he would have my number as well. 

To be honest I wasn’t sure if I was interested in Timothee. I mean he is gorgeous and one of my favourite actors, but in all honesty, there was someone else even more interesting at this party…

Timothee was coming on to men it was clear. He kept touching my arm, saying flirty things. It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, not at all. The opposite, it made me feel good, flattered and a bit hot to be honest. We were still in the smoking area talking when I felt eyes on me. I looked over Timothee’s shoulder and I saw Cillian looking right at me. Florence Pugh had joined me and Timothee and they were having a conversation about something I had lost interest in. My mind was somewhere else now. Cillian was standing there smoking a cigarette with some of his fellow actors. 

I walked over to him. “I didn’t know you smoked in real life!” I say knowing he had smoked in multiple of his roles. “Only when I’ve had a few” he said with a wink. My cheeks went red immediately. He turned towards me, away from his friends. “How are you?” He asked, simply. “I’m good, how are you?” I said, not really knowing what else to say. I honestly didn’t know if he was truly interested in how I was, or if it was just for small talk. “Very good, now that I found you again” Flirting, he was flirting with me. “Well if you knew me, you would’ve known that I spend most parties in the smoking area” I said while lighting up a cigarette. “Well tell me more Y/N, I want to know you” he said. “What do you wanna know?” I said with a twinkle in my eye, feeling a bit more courageous myself. “Well, I told you why I smoke, why do you smoke?” He asked pointing his cigarette at mine. “I swear it’s my only bad habit” I confessed throwing my hands up in defence playfully. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that” he said and I could feel him eyeing me up and down. 

We finished our cigarettes and Cillian asked me to join him at his table inside. Everyone else was either smoking, at the bar or dancing, no one was at the table but us. We talked like what felt like only a minute but it must’ve been more like an hour. It was very flirtatious, from both sides. He kept touching my leg and I enjoyed it. The conversation went from his recent roles and work to my latest album and everything in between.

“I hear you live in London?” He asked me, even though it was more like a statement. “Yes I do, where did you hear that from?” I asked him curiously. “I might’ve asked around about you” he admitted looking at his shoes, seemingly a bit embarrassed. “Oh I see, I’m sorry I didn’t catch the memo on that we were supposed to ask around about each other” I said now touching his leg lightly in return. “That’s okay, I can tell you everything you need to know, personally” he said with a grin. “I’d like that” I admitted. 

I excused my self to go to the bathroom, but it was really to go and find my manager who was my closest friend at the party. I found her chatting with Christopher Nolan out of all people. “Do you have a minute?” I asked her pulling her away from her conversation. “Yeah, what’s up? Where have you been?” I told her about my conversations with Timothee and what was happening with Cillian. “Oh my God! That’s amazing” she said excitedly. “So what’s the problem?” She asked clearly seeing from my face that there was something wrong. “You know, I’ve had a low key crush on Cillian for a while, and in all honestly one of the reasons I wanted to do this show was so that I could finally meet him. But, the last time I heard he was married, and I DO NOT wanna get involved with a married man, I will not be the other woman, or just someone he hooks up at a party!” I said almost stumping my foot. I knew this crowd of people. It was so easy to be some A list actor’s one night stand while they were away from their family. And that was definitely not what I was looking for. 

“I’m not saying I have to be his girlfriend, but I will not be just someone’s night stand” I continued, more assuring myself than my manager. Before she could answer Christopher joined the conversation. “You know Y/N, Cillian has been asking around about you after you were introduced” he said. “He seems to have a bit of a crush on you” he continued. I felt like Chris was Cillian’s wingman. “Oh, does he…” I said looking at my manager for some support. I tried to signal her to ask the right questions from Chris. “So… what’s his situation then? Is he involved at the moment?” My manager asked Chris. She was now playing my wingman. “Not that I know of, him and his wife got separated a couple of years ago and I believe they just filed for divorce a few months ago, but they haven’t been together in two years” That was all the information that I needed, and I really wanted to go and find Cillian again and continue our conversation but Chris kept talking and it would’ve been rude to leave now. “Of course he has had some brief relationships since then, but nothing too serious… but, I can tell you he’s really into you” Chris continued. “How do you know that?” I asked “Well first of all, he wanted to know everything about you after meeting you, he’s a great guy, you could do a lot worse” Chris said with a smile. 

I went back inside to find Cillian, but he was nowhere to be found. I decided to have a cigarette and headed over to the smoking area again. There were far less people there now, I checked the time and it was already 11 pm, I guess people started to head home or to the after party. Timothee came up to me again and we started talking about the after party. He invited me to go with him, but before I could answer I felt someone slightly pull my arm. I turned around and it was Cillian. I excused myself from Timothee and started walking with him to where there were no people around. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” He asked and I was a bit shocked to be honest. I didn’t expect for him to be so frank, but it felt good. “Are you going to the after party?” I asked thinking he was now inviting me to go with him. “To be honest, I’m kind of done with parties for tonight, but if you want to I’d be more than happy to accompany you” he admitted looking a bit tired. “I agree with you on that one, I’m kinda done with parties too” I said. “But I would love to continue this night with you, if you want to ?” He said taking my hand into his. “I’d like that” I said blushing a bit again. 

We walked hand in hand outside where the cars were waiting. “You mentioned you’ve never seen Goodfellas” he said remembering our earlier conversation about movies. “That’s right, do you know a place that shows it at this hours?” I asked doubtingly. “I know one, my hotel room” he said. I felt a bit torn. How do I make sure that I am not just a one night stand for this man? “Your hotel room?” I repeated. “Yeah, there’s also 24/7 room service and a great view over LA, and most importantly, there will be someone who wants to get to know you.” He said quietly, so that people around us waiting for their cars couldn’t hear us. I was sold. He wanted to get to know me. I don’t think I’ve ever felt this strong of a connection to a person after only knowing them for a couple of hours. Despite of the signals he was giving me, I still doubted if he felt the same. 

[iamjucie]

A History in Lessons

Chapter 2: Light Reading

He grabs the book from your hand.

*SMACK*

He slaps you across the face. The stinging shoots right to the sinking feeling in your gut.

"What in the HELLS do you think you’re doing?!" He hisses.

Tav learns the lesson of not touching things that don't belong to her.

Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3.6k CW: Domestic Abuse, Emotional Manipulation, Physical Abuse AO3 link(it is chapters 2 and 3 on there)

Tags: Overstimulation, Hurt/Comfort, Mutual orgasm

(thank you @itsthatpearl for beta reading and my friend mert on twitter for inspo)

@velvolktra photo credit

After a short but successful hunt out in Lower City, you strut down the streets making your way back toward the Crimson Palace. You feel so suave and confident, as you tend to do when you have a fix of blood. Your vampiric powers are so fueled, so enhanced. You feel so- happy. 

And it’s still early! You have even more time to spend with your love before going to sleep for the night. 

You’re antsy to see Astarion and tell him about the time you had. You did so well, he will be so proud of you. He loves to hear about your excursions, sometimes he even tags along with you. Even though he doesn’t necessarily need to feed anymore, he still finds he enjoys the sport of it. Especially being though it’s for him and you alone. You have no master to answer to. 

But tonight, he decided to stay back at the house. He said he has business to attend to. 

You walk up the stairs and go through the entrance to the grand palace you get to call home. Skipping down the hallway, you make your way to the office.

Astarion tends to spend most of the time you’re not in the palace in there reading books, writing letters, signing documents; whatever an all powerful Vampire lord would need to be sitting at a stationary desk for. 

You don’t tend to spend time with him there, though. He usually will have made his way to the bedroom or the den awaiting your arrival. But, being though you had finished your hunt so early you expect him to be there.

The door is open a crack, leaving just enough room for you to catch a glimpse of him intently reading a book. 

You should surprise him. He’ll be so glad to see you home so early.

Based on the spine of the book, it appears to be one of the research journals Cazador had within the confines of his massive library. His eyebrows are furrowed, his hand is on his chin, and his posture is relaxed in his chair with his legs spread apart. 

He only has a face like that when he’s trying hard to retain and understand something. You find that in his new role as the Vampire Ascendent, he is more intrigued to learn about his and your kind. To know the secrets his vicious master knew and kept from him. He must be reading one of the vampirism studies Cazador had in his archives.

Perfect- he is totally distracted.

You sneak your way in, tapping into the adventurer you once were. Tip toeing slowly, being sure to remain in the shadows of the room as to not alert him. Eventually, you manage to stand directly in front of him without him noticing. 

Wow- he must really be concentrating.

You quickly snatch the book from his hands.

“What are we reading?” you ask cheekily. 

Your mood shifts dramatically as you begin to read from the middle of the page it is open to.

“-essentially a meat puppet for its creator to take full control and advantage of. Over time, its mind shall diminish. A spawn will learn be to be utterly devo-”

He grabs the book from your hand.

SMACK

He slaps you across the face. The stinging shoots right to the sinking feeling in your gut.

“What in the HELLS do you think you’re doing?!” He hisses.

You stand with your mouth slightly agape and your hand resting on the point of impact. Your eyes dart from the furious look in his eyes to the cover of the book he was reading.

“The Uses of a Spawn for its Maker: A Vampiric Study”

You look into his eyes, horrified. Still in shock, you dart out of the room. 

“Darling, wait! I-”

You barely hear him calling after you. His voice trails away with the increased distance away from the office. 

You run into your chambers and dive onto the bed and begin to sob. You’ve never seen that side of him. He has a temper, sure, but he had never taken it out on you like that.

He is eloquent enough to talk through his emotions instead of being so reactionary. At least, he was.

You know him, that’s not him. At least, you thought you knew him.

You’re not sure you’d ever seen that look in his eyes. If you had, it surely wasn’t directed at you. He was… scary. He made you feel afraid. You’ve never felt so small. Even the hundreds- no, thousands of challenges you faced in your adventures leading up to taking down the Netherbrain, you never felt so helpless. 

How could he do this? He’s meant to be your protector. Your lover. He is supposed to keep you from harm. He promised he would.

Oh gods- was this all a mistake? Should you run? What if everything you know is a lie? What if you never knew him at all? What was in that journal? What is he capable of? What if it-

Your spiral is interrupted by a light knock accompanying an opening door. 

He’s here. You can’t bring yourself to look at him. You feel so many emotions that you can’t even begin to try to express them to him. Not now. Right now, all you feel is anger. Rage. Disgust. Fear.

He slowly makes his way in, approaching where you remain motionless laying on your side facing away from him. When he gets to the bed, he sits on the edge close to your back gently, as if to not disturb a scared animal. As if any sudden movement would cause it to bite or run. 

He’s not entirely wrong to assume that to be the case. 

Slowly and softly he places a hand on your back, rubbing it in a soothing circle motion. You don’t move. You lay stiff as a board, other than a slight tense at his touch.

“I know there’s nothing that I can say to make it better. To make it so it didn’t happen…” he begins talking to you without looking at you. 

“I am so sorry for hurting you dear. I didn’t mean it. I-I don’t know what came over me.” he gulps. “The rage I felt in the moment- it seemed so… unbearable. I don’t know what came over me… I-I’m… “ his hand leaves your back and goes to his face as he begins to sob into his hands. “…I’m a monster.”

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion and you whip your head toward him and see him slouching forward crying. Instantly, like a switch was flipped, you feel guilt rush over you. How could you make him cry like this? You were so dramatic. He needs you to be understanding, not the silent treatment. You sit up and wrap your arms around him and lean your head onto his shoulder.

“Shh, it's okay love.” You begin to run your fingers through his silver curls the way you know soothes him. “You didn’t mean it.” you stop petting his hair. “See! Look at me.” You put your hands on his wet cheeks and pull his face so it’s facing your’s. “It didn’t even hurt!” You turn your head side to side to show him your blemish-less skin. No sign of injury to be seen.

Despite your effort, the sadness in his eyes remains. He turns away from you and looks down.

He closes his eyes and tears continue to slowly run down his cheeks. “I’m no better than him. I will only end up hurting you.”

Him. The reminder of him and what he did to your lover is enough to send you into a rampage.

Your posture becomes straightened and serious, and your voice becomes stern. “You will never be like him. I will never let you be like him. You know that.” his head remains low but he turns toward you, eyes looking into yours. Like he wants to believe you, but something inside is stopping him.

You take his hands in yours and continue gazing into his eyes. “Besides, I shouldn’t have taken something from you like that without knowing what it is. That was foolish of me, I know that now. Lesson learned!”

He looks away from you again and sighs. “No, you deserve to know. We are partners, yes. But, our relationship has a power dynamic that is very imbalanced.” He turns back toward you and places his hands on his lap. “As soon as you’re capable and strong enough, you will be able to be a full vampire yourself. But until then, I will have the ability to have complete power over you. To connect our minds. Insert myself into your consciousness like the tadpole had never been removed.” His lips quiver slightly. He takes your hands into his. “You can trust me though love, I would never do that to you. I understand it can feel… violating.”

“I know that.” You caress his face. “I trust you. I’ve trusted you so far when it’s been objectively the foolish thing to do. Why would I stop now?”

He smiles gently and pulls you in for a kiss. 

“I’m surprised you even stayed.” your foreheads are pressed against each other. “I half expected you to bolt out the door and never look back.”

“Never, Astarion. You said it yourself, aetherna amantis. Remember? I’ll always be here for you. Besides-” you chuckle “couldn’t you just command me back?”

He rolls his eyes at you and with a light laugh, pulls you into an embrace.

“I don’t deserve you.” he says quietly into your shoulder.

“And I you.” you pull away and place your hand on his cheek, admiring his beauty. “But how lucky are we to have each other anyway?”

After a few seconds of getting lost in his scarlet eyes, your mouth is drawn to his like a magnetic pull. You begin kissing gently, but gradually the connection of your lips becomes more intimate. 

The hand on the back of your head begins to lightly grip your hair, stirring the heat in your core exponentially. The weight of him increases as he begins to shift from a sitting position to being entirely on the bed, your lips never disconnecting. You both lay down and continue exploring each other's mouths, his body on top of yours. The closeness of your bodies fuels your desire tenfold. 

Your tongue penetrates his lips and licks the roof of his mouth. Grazing the back of his teeth, you knick your tongue on his fang. He ferociously licks the slight injury, trying to get any taste of your blood. Once he’s sure there’s no more to taste, his tongue returns the favor by exploring the inside of your cheek. Your kisses grow to be feverish, leaving you both craving more of each other's body.  

He pulls his mouth from yours and looks at you with sinful intent. “Darling, let me make it up to you.” he purrs as his hand slyly grazes your cunt through your clothing. “Anything you want, we can do.” 

Fuck- you can barely think, your lust is flowing from his hand directly to your brain. You remember something that had sparked your interest in the dirtiest way while he was confiding in you before.

“Well I- There was something you said earlier…” you begin “...about how you can enter my mind? Like the tadpole?”

He leans down and starts kissing your neck, unable to resist touching you. “Mmhmm…”

“Well I was actually thinking recently…” he licks your collarbone. You groan, trying to ignore the way he is making you feel in order to continue your thought. “-That I regret not utilizing that connection more. Sexually I mean…” you gulp.

He lifts his head up from his advances and looks at you with a gaze drenched in seduction. “Are you saying you want to feel what I feel when filling you up with my cock?”

You shudder at the image in your mind. Fuck, it’s too much. You need to relax your vivid imagination to remain composed.

“Y-yes. And I want you to feel what it’s like to be full of your cock. At the same time. I want to combine our pleasure…”

He looks at you for a moment, squinting. Thinking about what you’re suggesting. Thinking of the logistics. When suddenly, it clicks- it’s possible. A grin spans his face and he latches his mouth to yours playfully.

He pulls away for just a moment. “I love the way your mind works, pet.”

With unnatural speed, he pulls his shirt over his head and dives into kissing you again while untying your corset top. As if purposefully prolonging the process, he slowly unbuttons your undershirt. 

You can’t handle it anymore, you need him. Your pussy is aching with desire. You push him off you and rip your shirt and the buttons fly in all directions. He kneels where he landed after your recently-fed-strength fueled shove and looks at you adoringly.

“I positively love when you’re feral for me darling.” he growls. 

You lean forward and stalk your way to the bottom of the bed where he resides. You press your newly exposed skin against his, kneeling so that your tits are in his face. “Let me feel how much you love it-” you lean down and your hand drags down the bulge in his pants “...and you can feel how feral I really am.”

The giddiness he feels at your words is palpable, no matter how composed he pretends to be. This must have been a shared fantasy between the two of you, because based on how he is acting you’re sure he has thought of this before. With a smile spread across his face he concentrates on establishing a connection between your minds and bodies, interlinking your senses.

Like a bolt of electricity strikes you, your entire body feels a jolt of- sensation. Pure sensation. Every nerve ending from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet are feeling so much. Twice as much. Double the lust. Double the desire- No. Double the need to be touched. You sit in shock, taking a minute to adjust to the new feeling. Judging by Astarion’s face, he is feeling the same. From this moment forward, you are only feeling the same. You’re both so utterly overstimulated in the most beautiful way possible.

He looks at your body up and down. You can feel what his gaze upon you does to him, you feel what he wants to do to you. You reach your hand to touch his face. His mouth is open slightly in shock, still trying to adjust to the foreign doubled sensations. Once your hand reaches his skin, you feel a wave of heat shoot through your own cheek.

A grin spans across your face. Oh, this will be fun.

He can feel your excitement and lust. And like an infinite undying echo between both your minds, it grows until neither of you can contain it anymore. You reach your hand to begin to undo his pants and he does the same to yours. A wave of pleasure rushes through you as you graze your hand over the throbbing member through the fabric of his pants, making you both moan simultaneously.

Once you’ve finally managed to take both your pants off, you can’t keep your hands off one another. He’s laying on top of you and both of your hands are touching every part of each other; everywhere but the sources of your carnal lust. Eventually, your hands go from his hair to rubbing down his back. You can feel the sensitivity of his scars piercing into your own back like they’re your own.

He brings his hand to your dripping cunt and languidly strokes the outside of your folds making his way to gently rub your clit. He shivers and lets out an airy laugh with delight, you love knowing it’s your pleasure he’s feeling. There’s something so intimate about having the exact same experience.

As he continues to play with your pussy, you bring your hand to his cock. You can feel the pressure he is feeling and you need to see it relieved. Your fingers slowly rub his length, starting at his head and making your way down the bottom of his shaft and stopping at his balls.

You are so utterly overstimulated, you can barely think. No- you can’t think. This is too much. Knowing he is feeling the exact same way enhances the pleasure tenfold. Your hand grasps around his cock and you begin to slowly pump. At the exact same time his fingers enter your cunt, rubbing your inside walls in a way that makes you scream. And you do.

You’re both moaning and riving in pleasure, you’ve never felt so connected to one another. This is more than the tadpole could ever have done, you’re connected by blood. Every nerve, every cell in your body is synced with one another. Every action is synchronized as if you had rehearsed it a million times before. Every desire is shared. You feel his want to dominate you, he feels your want to be dominated. You feel his want to have you full of his cock, and he feels your need to be filled with it.

You share a knowing glance. Nothing needs to be expressed verbally, any need for dirty talk is gone. No need for words when you can feel. He puts a hand around your throat and you position his cock at your entrance. He slowly pushes into you. He needs to adjust to the alien feeling, but quickly gets used to it. Once you’ve both become accustomed to the feeling, you both smile gently at one another. He pumps in and out of you, hitting the spot that fills your mind with light..

This is the single most beautiful sensation you have ever experienced. You can feel the pleasure of your tight walls wrapping around your- his cock. You clench slightly, and you feel the increased grip around him and you both moan. If this continues to feel this breathtaking, this won’t last very much longer.

You feel the pressure building in your- and his core. 

You look like virgins having sex for the first time. Just looking at one another with your mouths agape, him pumping in and out of you. But with the increased sensation, it’s all you’re able to do. It’s hard to concentrate on doing anything special when you’re so overwhelmed with double sensations, the infinite echo of your lust and desires. It doesn’t matter, though- you don’t need anything more than this.

He breaks the silence that has been maintained since your connection was established. “I-we are going to come. Ready?” He manages through pants and hisses of pleasure. All you can manage is a nod.

And like he was awaiting your acknowledgement, he explodes in you. You simultaneously come, your mind and body is filled with otherworldly light. It’s as if you see colors that don’t exist. You’re both screaming and moaning through your shared orgasms. The feeling of his cock spurting inside you, the feeling of your walls pulsing around his cock, it’s too much. 

You’re starting to think you’ll never stop coming. You’re both holding one another, shaking and moaning. He’s still inside you, any movement required to pull out would be way too overwhelming. After a few beautiful minutes, the feeling fizzles out. He’s laying on top of you and you’re both basking in the afterglow of the most incredible orgasm of your lives.

Astarion severs the connection of your minds before pulling out of you and laying beside you. You’re both staring at the ceiling.

“That was…” you say after prolonged silence. “A lot.” 

“Yes it was. I would ask if you enjoyed yourself, but I already know the answer.” he says cheekily.

You chuckle, “You’re right. I can’t even lie to you, you can be inside my head at any time.”

“That’s right love.” he says in a facetious patronizing voice. “You can never lie to me, I will always know.”

You both laugh. 

You roll over onto your side and prop your head on your hand. “So what else can you do to me as my ‘maker’?”

“What ever do you mean, darling?” 

“Like, what other powers do you have over me? You must have learned something in that journal.”

“Well…” he says “I am able to be granted control of you. Command your every movement while you sit in the passenger seat.”

 A pregnant silence follows. You recollect when you grabbed the book from him. 

‘-a meat puppet for its creator to take full control and advantage of.’

He breaks the silence and continues, “I would never do that though, of course.”

You sit in another moment of silence until you ask, “Even if I asked you to?” 

His brows furrow. “I- I’m not sure I understand.” he stammers. “Would you… Like that?”

“I don’t know, it could be hot.” You lay your head back on the pillow. “Giving up complete control to you, you know?”

It’s like a fire was lit inside of him, the soul behind his eyes fueled with desire for power over you. He attempts to act unfazed by your confession, but it does something to him. He looks at you differently. Not negatively, just… differently.

“If you’re sure-” he purrs, “...how could I say no? Of course that experiment will need to wait.” He rolls over to wrap himself around you, cuddling you as you both fall asleep. “I am positively exhausted from tonight's experiment.”

“Next time, then.” you say, eyes closed and drifting to sleep.

He kisses the top of your head. “Next time.”

You both drift to sleep in the warmth of each other’s grasp.

Next chapter: "Your Most Prized Spawn" pt. 1

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 43

Chapter 43: The Battle of Moonrise

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 5,295

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Chapter 1

Read on AO3

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Summary: Tav and the others fight their way to the top of Moonrise Towers, hoping to put an end to Ketheric Thorm once and for all. Part 43 of the slow burn fic. Tav and Halsin POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries, brief suicidal thoughts.

A/N: Enjoy a very combat-focused chapter! Only four more chapters in act 2!

Tav took a deep breath as she looked over the carnage of their first battle. Their own troops held out well, only losing one Flaming Fist and one Harper in total. But two more Harpers were injured severely enough that she insisted they not continue to the next fight.

High above them, they could see Aylin streaking across the sky, raining holy fire down on their enemies around the tower.

“That beacon of angelic wrath will be taking the fight to Ketheric on the rooftop. The first line of defense are dead, and he’s on the back foot for the first time since he returned from the grave.” Jaheira stood next to her, taking stock of the battlefield.

Tav nodded in agreement as she stared at the doors to Moonrise. Their fight hadn’t exactly been quiet. The others inside would have likely amassed their strength to meet them.

She squatted down a little as Jaheira’s quartermaster, Talli, came up to shove more arrows into her quiver. Standard arrows on the right, magical arrows on the left.

“The arrows with the thickest shafts are the ones that explode, ma’am. Use ‘em with care.”

She reached behind her head to get a feel for the arrows, Talli giving her a thumbs up when she wrapped her hand around the explosive ones.

“You’ve brought us this far, Tav,” Jaheira put a hand on her shoulder. “How shall we proceed?”

She closed her eyes for a moment, recalling as much of the tower’s layout as she could in her mind.

“We go in quick and precise, wipe out the ground level troops so we can clear a path to Ketheric.”

“Very well,” she nodded back at Tav. “Once it is done, the Flaming Fists will scout the prisons and barracks to make sure you are not taken by surprise. My Harpers and I will cut off any means of escape – the noose that tightens around Ketheric’s neck while you go in for the kill.”

Tav thought about the plan. “Actually, I was hoping you’d join us, Jaheira.”

“Touching, but I’m already spoken for.” She turned to look at her nearby squad of Harpers.

“Come on,” Tav prodded her, “I know you’re dying to see this through to the end.”

Jaheira spared a glance at the rest of their adventuring party, a fond smile on her face.

“You’ve convinced me, little ranger. By your side I’ll stand as we rip Ketheric away from yet another god.”

Shouts of approval came from her companions at the decision.

“Happy to have you, High Harper.” Tav clasped her forearm.

“Same marching order as before, soldier?” Karlach stomped up and slung an arm around her shoulders.

“Almost,” Tav turned to face the others. “Once we’re inside, I need someone to get one of the True Souls talking. Z’rell, most likely.”

“And why can’t you do it, General Tav?” Astarion made a face at her as he finished flicking the blood from his daggers.

“Because Astarion, I’m going to get up high on one of the beams and blow them into the nine hells with one of these new explosive arrows before they know what hit them,” she shot back with a sweet smile.

He sucked a bit of air through gritted teeth. “I suppose that’s one reason.”

“Worry not, my friend,” Gale spoke up, “I shall keep her preoccupied until we receive your signal.”

“That’s all fine and good, but how exactly do you plan to get up there? There’s not really a lot of cover in that room,” Karlach pointed out.

“Which is why I need them distracted. Keep them talking as long as possible just so I can get close enough to teleport up there.”

“Here,” Shadowheart dug into her bag, “this should help get you closer.”

Tav reached out to take the rolled-up parchment from her hands. It was the Invisibility scroll she had given her for her first trial in the Gauntlet.

“Kept this tucked away then, did you?” Tav teased.

Shadowheart shrugged, “I assumed it was a gift.”

“That it was. Thank you, Shadowheart.”

“Do be careful,” Halsin, having returned to his elf form, placed a hand on her shoulder. “Try not to throw yourself into the thick of things before we can come to your aid?”

“I’ll do my best.” She leaned into his touch.

Everyone fell into line. Tav walked behind Halsin and Karlach, trying to conceal herself for as long as possible before she needed to cast the spell. It would also give her a chance to catch a glance of the room before she decided where to attack.

They swung the large doors open, allowing their company to march forward.

“You…” Z’rell’s hateful sneer echoed off the walls.

“Yes, Disciple Z’rell, we have returned.” Gale started, just barely keeping the unease out of his tone.

Tav unfurled the scroll and mumbled the incantation as quietly as possible. The world around her shifted, a pearlescent sheen coating everything she saw – like she was looking through a soap bubble.

“Where’s that pretty little leader of yours?” Z’rell made a show of looking around the group.

“I’m afraid our friend fell to an orthon in the Thorm mausoleum. A mausoleum you sent us to…”

Tav crept forward as Gale started a monologue; she almost felt bad for Z’rell.

She let her eyes dart around the room to get a count of how many cultists stood in their way.

There were no less than five True Souls in the main chamber. The others seemed to be simple followers of the Absolute. Up above, she saw three archers on the beams where she was headed.

I’ll have to knock those guys off too.

At least fifteen enemies stood between them and the stairway that would lead to the rooftop.

And that was assuming there were no others waiting for them at the top.

Once she reached the bottom of the main stairs, she could see her ideal spot up on the rafters. Quickly and quietly, she cast her Misty Step, trying not to disturb the invisibility spell hiding her from the horde of cultists.

She found herself up on the central beam spanning the length of the room. From this vantage point she could see everyone, including the last few zealots waiting in the room beyond.

I’ll have to warn the others about them.

Tav could feel the invisibility spell waning along with Z’rell’s patience. She reached behind to pull one of the thick-shafted arrows from her quiver, carefully resting it on her bowstring as the cultists’ attention below remained fixed on her companions.

Deep breath…

She could see others gathering around Z’rell. She needed to hit as many targets as possible with this attack.

Just a little closer…

Tav felt the comforting brush of the arrow’s fletching resting against her cheek as a large cluster of cultists circled around their leader.

Aim…

Gale’s words started to ramble more the longer the conversation went on. She saw the nervous eyes of her allies dart upwards, unable to see where she knelt perched above them.

A small tickle in the back of her mind told her they were awaiting her signal. She paused only another moment before giving the order.

“Whizbangs.”

***

Halsin braced himself just as a large explosion rocked the room. Z’rell and the other cultists were sent flying off in different directions by the blast.

Tav had appeared on one of the beams above, bow held in front of her from firing the bomb-tipped arrow.

The sudden attack left the cultists befuddled, and their company took full advantage. Harpers immediately began a barrage of arrows, allowing the Flaming Fist to run forward for the first attack behind Karlach and Lae’zel.

“Tav says there’s more cultists waiting in the next room,” Gale called out as he conjured a wall of flames in front of the door across from them. “That should deter them for a bit.”

Right…tadpoles.

Halsin didn’t think he’d ever get used to the silent conversations around him. The others able to communicate their moves in battle without giving a hint away to their opponents. He and Jaheira were left to rely on their own senses and intuition.

Luckily, that was getting easier with every day he spent in their company. When he heard that growling scream from Lae’zel, he knew to give her a wide berth to charge forward at their enemies. When Astarion twirled the weapon held in his left hand, he knew swift, rapid-fire attacks would follow, leaving the target unaware of its source as he made a hasty retreat. Halsin could recognize the sharp gasp Wyll sucked in just before casting a spell and would stay clear of his line of sight.

But when Tav and Karlach started plotting aloud, he never knew exactly where their minds would lead.

“Karlach!” Tav yelled from overhead. “Sending you a present!”

A body landed off to his right with a horrible crack. Tav stood above them, still hunched over from driving her shoulder into the archer to steal his spot on the beam.

Karlach ran over and drove her sword into the man’s chest, striking the killing blow.

Cultists ran at them from all sides of the room. Three gnolls started stalking toward them from one side.

Halsin turned his attention to them, muttering under his breath as he found footing in the largest one’s mind.

Fight for me.

The gnoll stopped in its tracks and turned to attack the others behind it. With his newly charmed companion taking the attention of that corner of the room, Halsin turned to support the Harpers and Fists around him.

But a flash of movement from above caught his eye.

***

Tav knocked the second archer from the beams with an arrow to the chest. Not enough to kill him, but enough to make him lose his balance and fall to the floor – right on top of a True Soul.

She spun to take a shot at the last archer behind her but saw him holding a small bomb in his hand.

Ah fuck, not again.

Before he could light it, a thorny vine wrapped around his waist from below and yanked him down to the floor. Halsin gave her a quick nod before turning his attention back to the battle raging beneath her.

“Oh, fuck yes!” Karlach hollered. “Free bomb!”

Just a moment later Tav saw a small explosion off to her left, no doubt from Karlach chucking the unexpected artillery.

With the last archer thrown from the beams, she was able to move around freely, keeping her eyes dancing across the fight raging below as she tried to track her allies. It was easier said than done. The scene beneath her was chaos as cultists rushed to fight off the intruders.

Tav kept scanning the room, desperately trying to pick Z’rell out in the commotion. She spotted her pulling herself up to her feet after the massive explosion, her concentration fixed on a small group of Harpers and Flaming Fists close to the stairs.

***

Halsin called down strike after strike of lightning to deter the cultists. Whenever they would cluster near his allies, a cascade of electricity would fall over them.

He had just readied another attack, when he was jerked backwards toward the stairs, landing hard on his back. A large black hole had appeared at their base, dragging him and several Flaming Fist toward it.

Z’rell was concentrating on them, her face a burnt, bloody mess after the explosion. One of her tusks had chipped, leaving a jagged stump in its place.

When he got back to his feet, he found that he could hardly move. His feet felt like they were trapped in a river of molasses, its current running the opposite direction of where he needed to go.

An arrow came whirring into Z’rell’s shoulder causing her to look away from his small group. Tav was raining a storm of arrows down on the fight from above, spinning and hopping between the beams to pull attention from cultists where she could.

He saw a snarl twitch at Z’rell’s lips as her focus shifted. The incantation she started to mutter was not familiar to him but was most certainly aimed at Tav.

Halsin forced his feet to keep moving forward, desperate to get in range before she could finish whatever spell was aimed at her.

The magic gathering at his fingertips felt acrid and vile, necrotic energy simmering just below the skin waiting to be unleashed. Rare were the times that he let himself draw on such magic.

Just a couple more steps…

His heart pounded; the rush of his blood could be heard in his ears as he begged himself to keep moving before Z’rell could finish her attack.

***

Tav didn’t notice Z’rell’s shift in attention until it was almost too late. She could feel a strange pull in the air as if gravity itself was being warped around her.

Panic took over as she recalled the strange black hole she had conjured on the floor below.

But suddenly, Z’rell’s skin started to decay and wither before her eyes. She fell with a scream as her body deteriorated into an ashy corpse.

Halsin stood a short distance away, his hand stretched out toward the body.

With Z’rell out of the fight, that left only a few cultists. However, two of them had been ruthless in their attacks. Powerful blows and smites were aimed at their front-line attackers.

Karlach had just taken a nasty cut to her flank as Tav was releasing an arrow into her attacker. The zealot let out a loud curse as they clutched at their wound. Wyll followed her strike with a spell, killing the cultist.

The other troublesome enemy had cornered Jaheira. In her snarling panther form, she lunged and swiped at the cultist but was struggling to hold out against those fierce swings of his halberd.

Tav fired a couple of arrows at her attacker, trying to draw his attention away from Jaheira. He stayed locked on target, holding the weapon high above his head. But the others caught wind of the confrontation and rushed to surround him.

Shadowheart and Lae’zel reached him first, interrupting his attack and giving Jaheira a chance to recover. As they distracted him, Karlach came barreling over after downing a health potion. Within seconds the cultist was pummeled to the ground beneath a circle of very angry women.

One last cultist remained. Surrounded and outnumbered, she tried to flee. A series of glowing missiles fired from Gale caught up with her and caused her lifeless body to fall to the floor.

Tav let out a deep breath, nearly losing her balance on the wooden beam. She made her way to a nearby ladder to rejoin her companions.

Shadowheart was already working on healing the gash in Karlach’s side while Halsin sent out a smaller wave to catch everyone else’s minor injuries. To her relief, Tav noticed that they hadn’t lost a single person during the fight. A few Fists and Harpers looked ragged and bloodied, but they were alive.

They started the grim task of gathering materials from the bodies scattered along the ground. Arrows, potions, shields, weapons…they had their pick of new equipment if needed.

Karlach let out a long whistle as she plucked a sleek halberd from one body.

“Oh, dibs!” She dropped her current sword to the ground as she strapped the new weapon to her back.

Jaheira glanced at her nearby squad of Harpers. “I’ll need a few moments before we continue. I want to be sure the others can hold the ground level as we make our way further up the tower.”

Tav nodded before joining her friends at the other edge of the room. Halsin had already shifted back into a bear and had his snout stuck in the air, sniffing.

“Anything good?” she asked.

“There are no good smells in this entire place from what I can tell,” he responded, his grumbling bear tone a stark contrast from his usual smooth voice.

Tav made a show of smelling under her arms. “That bad, huh?”

He chuckled, the sound low and gravelly. “Perhaps with one exception, then.”

Halsin dropped his haunches to the floor to scratch at his shoulder with a back paw. The way he seemed to adopt bear mannerisms whenever he was shaped in its form brought a smile to her face. Without being able to speak with him, she would have a hard time knowing this bear was actually an elf.

“Jaheira needs some time to settle the plan with the Harpers and Fists, then we’ll continue onward.”

“Very well.” He laid down on the floor, his head resting on his paws. Tav walked over to his side, taking a seat next to him.

“May I?” she asked, starting to lean toward him.

“Of course.”

She fell back against the thick pelt, letting her head rest on his shoulder. A soft, happy growl rumbled beneath her when she set her hand on top of his head. He curled around her further, his head nuzzling into her side.

“You’re quite comfy in this shape,” she murmured.

“Happy to be of service, my friend.”

“Room for one more?”

Tav looked up to find Astarion looming over them.

“By all means,” Halsin chuckled.

“No need to growl at me, druid. Gods, I was just–”

“He said it’s fine, Astarion,” Tav laughed and scooted over while Halsin straightened himself out to allow Astarion to sit with them.

He settled in next to her, one leg stretched out in front of him as he leaned back on Halsin’s side with a quiet groan.

“Why are we sleeping on the hard ground when we could be lying on Halsin as a pillow, instead?” Astarion sighed.

“Perhaps having seven full grown adults laying on top of you isn’t the best way to sleep,” she teased back.

“I didn’t mean everyone. Just us very close friends.”

“Very close, are we?” Tav nudged him with her elbow.

“Why, of course, my dear!” He threw a hand over his chest, offended. “We elves have to stick together, you see.”

“I don’t know, so long as someone is not opposed to sleeping at the rear end of a bear, I don’t see why we couldn’t have a sleepover with me in the center.”

Tav let out a loud cackle.

“What?” Astarion shot up. “What did he say?”

“He said you smell weird,” she lied.

“Oh, and your bear form is a veritable patch of daisies, is it?” She saw Astarion shove his elbow into Halsin.

“Must you?” Halsin bumped her arm with his snout, a playful undertone to his grumble.

“Can’t resist, love.”

A shadow blocked out the dim light above them.

“Nap time is over, my friends.” Jaheira held a hand out to Tav to help her up.

She reluctantly left her comfortable resting place to gather the others. Everyone was stretching and loosening up their limbs for the next fight after a brief rest.

“Okay then,” Tav started with a deep breath. “We push through the rest of the tower. And we don’t stop until we find Thorm.”

***

Halsin spit out the femur bone he held in his jaws as the last skeleton fell.

A small force had been waiting for them at the top of the stairs. Only one cultist and a few reanimated skeletons.

“This is all the resistance he could muster?” Astarion kicked at a nearby pile of bones. “So much for the fearsome general.”

“Immortality will cause even the most seasoned of soldiers to grow complacent.” Jaheira studied the large, iron doors that would lead to the rooftop. They still hummed with dark magic. “He had no fear of death, so why should he waste resources on protection?”

“Key.” Tav held up a small ring in her fingers before letting her eyes flash toward the door. “The roof is through those doors, and likely Ketheric Thorm as well.”

“You ready, sis?” Karlach stood next to her, hand on her shoulder.

Halsin padded up next to her, nudging her in the side. She reached down to rest a hand on his neck.

“I’m ready…let’s finish this.”

Tav took a deep breath as she unlocked the doors. The quiet hissing of the magic being dispelled put a strange pit in his stomach.

Halsin returned to his elf form. If this was to be the final fight with Ketheric, he wanted to look him in the eyes as they rid the world of him for good.

***

Just like the ground below, the rooftop was littered with patches of holy fire. Aylin soared around the tower, the glow surrounding her a blinding contrast to the shadows.

In the center of the rooftop stood Ketheric Thorm. His scowl followed Aylin as she continued to smite all along her flight path. He held a hand to his side, trying to staunch a bleeding wound beneath his armor. A wound that hadn’t even tried to heal it would seem.

Ketheric spun around to address them.

“You!” he bellowed, wincing. “What have you done?!”

“You’ve done this to yourself, Thorm,” Tav spat back. “You’re mortal again, no longer feeding off the Nightsong.”

“Impossible,” he gasped, looking her up and down, “you’re a thrall – a slave!”

Tav felt her lips curl into a snarl at his words.

“You serve the Absolute. You serve ME!” He reached out toward her. “Bow, you dog. Bow!”

A wave of unseen energy slammed into Tav’s gut, launching her backward with a yelp. Halsin caught her and kept her from falling to the ground. When she stood back up, the Astral Prism came whirring into her hands, pushing away the strange force.

Ketheric’s eyes landed on the artefact, another hateful glare twisting his face.

“You…you’ve had the Prism the entire time?” He stared back at her in disbelief. “You will bow before me, True Soul. And if you will not bow, then you will break.”

Before he could take another step, a flash of radiant light came beaming down in front of Tav. When the glow dispersed, Dame Aylin stood between them, her sword held high and ready to strike.

“How good it is to see you again, Ketheric,” she hissed.

“Aylin. The thief,” he snapped back.

“I’m not the one who locked another soul away to feed off them, oathbreaker.”

“You may as well have. You stole Isobel from me, and I’ll see this world burn before you take my life in the bargain.”

Isobel…

The tomb. Tav thought back to the empty tomb in the Thorm mausoleum. The paintings depicting Ketheric’s grief. The rumors of his fall from Selûne after the loss of his daughter…

But what did Aylin have to do with her?

“You would evoke her, before me?!” Aylin cried back. “After your crimes innumerable, you would dare to speak of her?”

“Enough!” Ketheric waved her off. “This ends here and now.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Tav snarled before snatching her bow from her back and firing an arrow toward him.

“Yes!” Aylin cried with her sword raised high. “He will crumble at the power of your touch – give him all you have!”

She dove at Ketheric, the loud clang of their armor ringing in the air before she called down a shining column of moonlight to surround her.

The others sprang into action, most following after Aylin, the others spreading out to dispel his minions.

Tav kept her focus on Ketheric, trying to find the weak spots where her arrows could do the most harm. Shot after shot whistled through the air, many of them bouncing off his armor and clattering pitifully to the floor. But one such shot grazed his cheek and ear, leaving a little notch that oozed black ichor down the side of his neck.

Another found the space between his breastplate and pauldron, interrupting his attack.

Ketheric whipped around to glare at Tav before pointing his warhammer in her direction.

“Focus your attacks, soldiers!”

That’s not good.

She started to run, trying to keep herself a difficult target to hit. Regardless, the sting of necrotic magic kept catching her as every other enemy on the rooftop directed their attacks toward Tav and Tav only.

***

Halsin let out a growl as he watched the remaining undead focus their spells on Tav. She was running and dodging as best as she could, but he could still see her recoil every few attacks.

“Gale!” he yelled across the roof. The wizard was already trying to counter any spells hurled her way while also working to dispose of the others.

He didn’t seem to hear as he narrowly avoided a bite from the strange dog accompanying Ketheric.

Panic took over as yet another spell caused a cry of pain from Tav. Halsin was too close to Ketheric to chance running to her aid. Despite being surrounded by multiple people, he was parrying their attacks with alarming accuracy. The armor he wore kept him well protected between the brutal swings of his hammer.

Shadowheart however, seemed to catch the worry in his voice as she directed her attention toward Tav. A quick ray of light shot from her hands to envelop their companion, causing the other enemies to divert their attacks elsewhere.

He spared a grateful glance over his shoulder to Shadowheart as they focused their attacks back on Thorm.

***

The unending bombardment of attacks caused Tav to stop concentrating on Ketheric. She had to kneel for a moment to shake off the rapid series of painful strikes. Luckily, whatever spell Shadowheart had cast on her seemed to keep their opponents from targeting her.

As she quickly cast a healing spell to put some of the spring back in her step, she saw Gale launch the three remaining skeletons off the roof with a crack of thunder.

No longer winded from the barrage of spells, she brought her attention back to the center of the rooftop.

She had to take extra caution with her aim since many of her companions now surrounded Thorm. They all moved so swiftly; one miscalculation could spell disaster.

Just as she was ready to let another arrow loose, Ketheric spun from her sight again. He had a look of animalistic desperation in his eyes as he tracked each of his attackers. The remainder of his allies now laid dead, leaving him alone to fight them off.

A vicious, growling scream rang from his throat as he kept his scowl aimed at Tav. It was cut off abruptly by a heavy strike in his gut from Karlach.

Still, the cry Ketheric had let out left Tav frozen in place.

Gods, I can’t catch a fucking break.

She couldn’t even turn to get a proper angle with her bow. No matter how she compelled her legs to move, they wouldn’t respond. She wasn’t actually paralyzed, just stricken with a strange, overwhelming fear that kept her legs from moving forward.

Another blow landed against Ketheric, loud enough that Tav could hear the crack from where she stood. The strike caused him to unleash another pulse of energy, pushing away all of his attackers.

“Enough,” Ketheric panted, still holding his warhammer in a tight grip, “my lord beckons me home.”

Aylin hovered high in the air above them, her righteous scowl obvious even from far away. She snapped her wings to her back once more and dove toward him, sword gleaming with radiant Selûnite magic.

“And you!” Ketheric bellowed, pointing his weapon up toward the aasimar. “You must return to your cage, and my daughter must be reclaimed!”

“Your daughter?” Aylin stopped her dive bomb midflight, wings shooting out to her sides to stop her rapid descent.

Ketheric held his hammer high above his head, swirling it around in the air.

“Isobel?” Aylin had a look of pure disbelief on her face.

A deafening crack echoed in the air around them.

From one of the towers, a huge, monstrous tentacle erupted in a spray of mortar and stone.

Tav remained immobilized – whatever curse Thorm had used on her prevented her from taking another step even as a large chunk of debris headed straight for her. She felt her heart stop as she braced for the impact.

At the last second, she was tackled away from the stone slab. Halsin had her pressed against his chest to keep her head from smacking against the ground as they fell together.

They watched, helpless, as the tentacle came careening down in time with Ketheric’s movements, slamming into Aylin and knocking her unconscious. The aasimar landed with a hard thud in the center of the rooftop.

As the taloned tip of the strange appendage touched her, she was whisked away with magic, much like Tav had been when she was abducted by the nautiloid. It retreated back down the tower once Aylin had disappeared.

Without another word, Ketheric Thorm fled down the same tower as the tentacle.

***

Halsin held Tav against him until he was sure she could move again. Once she could, she went charging toward the center of the tower where Aylin had been struck down.

She looked around frantically, like she was trying to find any piece of her leftover that they could save.

“That thing was illithid,” Jaheira said once she had dismissed her wild shape. “Where in the hells did it come from?”

“No…no…” Tav sputtered as she looked around them. “We had him, we had him right here.”

“Tav?” Halsin called out softly.

She didn’t respond, she just picked up a nearby piece of rubble and threw it toward the broken tower with a scream.

“Get back out here and fight you fucking coward!” Tav shouted into the air.

A slew of Elvish curses followed. Each obscenity came with another rock or piece of debris hurled away into the darkness. He usually loved hearing her speak their native tongue. But tonight, it just broke his heart hearing how desperate she sounded.

“Dhaerow!”

Traitor.

“Savalir!”

Murderer.

“Lorkh!” she spat with an extra dose of rancor.

Butcher. Not just a butcher, a being who had forsaken their elven nature by such terrible acts. A particularly nasty insult not thrown out without due reason.

“Motherfucker!” She screamed the final curse as she kicked one of the nearby skulls off the tower.

“Hells below, Tav, you kiss Halsin with that mouth?” Astarion said the words as a tease, but Halsin could hear a small streak of concern in his voice. He shot Astarion a warning look as he walked up next to her, Jaheira following close behind.

“Easy Tav,” Jaheira said calmly, “you have him on the run. The General will call it a tactical retreat, but I think you rattled him.”

“It’s not over yet,” Halsin assured her. “If he felt the need to retreat, he must be truly threatened for the first time in a very long while. We need to find him before he’s able to subdue Aylin again.”

“We still have the advantage, for you have put the fear of death in the mind of an immortal man once more.” Jaheira nodded her head toward the tower where Ketheric had disappeared.

“You’ll come with us?” Tav asked, her voice hopeful.

“If you can find room in your company for an old Harper, yes I’d be honored to join you.”

“Hells yeah!” Karlach shouted from the back of the group, both fists thrown up in the air.

Halsin followed Tav as she walked up to the edge of the broken tower, peering past the fleshy strands that lined it.

“Let’s take a chance to resupply and catch our breath.” She spun around to face everyone.

“Then we’re following Thorm.”

[sourrind]

Thanks @celinou & @momochizoey for tagging me 🤍

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I've got 4 works total.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

73,030 words.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Seeing as how I only have 4 works, I'll just mention the fic with the most kudos - my Wenclair fic "At the End of One's Woe" with 760 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! I love it when writers respond to my comments (as inane as they are), so I thought I should do the same.

Not only that, but sometimes I'll reply to a comment when there's a new chapter of that work just to kind of nudge them to read it.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

"To Know Yourself."

It's a Chasefield fic and it's the first thing I started writing when I got back into the fanfic space. It's currently sitting at 6 chapters unfinished, but where I left it off is probably the angstiest thing I've explored publicly on my account.

32,000 words, and the poor girls don't even like each other yet.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Either the aforementioned Wenclair fic or my Chasefield smutfic "One and Then the Other." I mean, what's a happier ending then getting to bang the girl you like?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've not.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes!

I was very nervous to publish that first smutfic, but I wasn't a stranger to writing things of an explicit nature.

I used to ERP on Gaia ALL THE TIME when I was younger, but it definitely was a different thing to write stuff like that and know it would be going out for everyone to see.

But I had a blast writing it and I don't see myself straying away from smut anytime soon. The only thing I don't like is how I find it very difficult to write smut without tons of preamble beforehand, so that's kind of the one thing holding me back.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've ever written?

I've not.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I've not, though I wouldn't be against it.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I've not, just the casual headcanon talks with friends and mutuals.

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

I love all the Life is Strange ships, but Chasefield holds a very special place in my heart for getting me back into fandom/fanfic as a whole.

Wenclair is also up there - it was very fun to write for an active/ongoing fandom and it was kind of crazy to see how different the response was in that.

For ships that I love, but haven't written for, I'm enamored with Ava/Beatrice from Warrior Nun and Kara/Lena from CW's Supergirl.

I do think a lot of that is that those characters and stories are closer to where I am in age/place in life, while Life is Strange/Wednesday occupies a place where I reminisce on highschool didn'ts and wish-I-would'ves.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

There's a part of me where I see myself never finishing "To Know Yourself." I had originally planned it to be this 30+ chapter thing that takes place over the entire school year, and though I do have an outline of that, it's a huge prospect - especially seeing as how I do have other stories outlined in the LiS world that are significantly shorter.

I do think about it and go back to it, but it's a reality that's possible for sure.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's cool if it works. It's all relative on the perspective of the story and whether we are supposed to know what's being said and stuff.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

My first fandom was Inu-yasha and I was writing Sesshomaru/Miroku slashfics on fanfiction.net.

So yeah. I'm old.

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

"A Common Cold."

I wrote this fic for a mutual who was sick at the time and it was because of this that we became friends. She's actually one of the people that tagged me to do this, so here's to you Zoey!!

I'll tag @dmmeeble, @fazedlight, and @daisychainsandbowties for this, but if you're scrolling down, see this, and hankering to do this as well, go for it!

[pretty-rage-machine]

20 questions for fic writers

I got tagged by meikuree! You should go read her excellent fic. 8)

I can't remember whomst among my mutuals does fic or not 😭 consider yourself tagged if you're interested! Let's all toot our own horns

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

63. My account is here, btw.

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

AO3 informs me it's 244,098, which feels like SO much and yet almost nothing based on the time I have theoretically been writing.

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Gonna call out ones where I've written more than a single fic and where I feel it is at least somewhat likely I'll return and write more: Animorphs, Naruto, Blade of the Immortal, and Shingeki no Kyojin, but there's loads of one-offs and smaller fandoms there too. I'd like to write more Gravity Falls, as well.

The rest are under the cut.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

With All Brightness (Lilo & Stitch), The Girl In The Water (Spirited Away), beauty, her artificers (Greek mythology), I've got Four Voices on the Line (the only one I hear is mine) (Animorphs), and love what you see in the mirror (TWEWY). Perhaps significantly, four of these were written for Yuletide, and one was written as a new year's resolution treat, so also for Yuletide.

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes, I try to.

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ummm. Hmm. One of my friends once told me my fics were "gloomy" but I have a hard time calling out the angstiest ending. 😂Maybe it's Preludes (Naruto), a Kakuzu/Madara fic with Hashirama dying nearby? Or maybe it's On Moths (BOTI), a fic about Makie dying of tuberculosis back when it seemed like that might happen.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

With All Brightness (Lilo & Stitch) is so fluffy I think it has to be it.

8. do you get hate on fics?

I never have! Touch wood

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

Yes! I write the kind that feels right for the characters to me. I like smut as character study and I like insane mindfucks and fucking as another manifestation of a battle of wills between characters.

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you've written?

Like, a little drabble of one back in high school, Invader Zim/Kingdom Hearts lol. I really respect authors who can do a compelling crossover, but I don't feel like I'm that good tbh! Crossovers I want: Machineries of Empire/She-Ra (I need to see Kujen and Horde Prime go toe to toe), Gravity Falls/Attack on Titan (Hange and Bill Cipher being buds), Revolutionary Girl Utena/Narnia (ANTHY IN NARNIA. THE PROBLEM OF ANTHY)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

I had a fic's framing device lifted! It was like. Not a songfic but a poem fic. It was that Monday's Child poem, and I had a line of the poem and then a short bit of writing after each line. Someone commented telling me they liked the Batman version more (lol), when I knew mine had come first based on publication dates. It was weird but I was a lot younger at the time and didn't really know what to say.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, with an ex-friend.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

Hmmmm I don't have an all-time favorite! I'm not so much about the shipping, though I enjoy shipfic.

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

All my currently-in-progress fics are oneshots. The WIPs that are unfinished, I know I'll never finish lolol

16. what are your writing strengths?

Uhh... (digs toe in the ground) character voice and tone? I feel like I don't know my own strengths lol. I used to get praised for beautiful imagery and having a "simple" style (though people would say this and then hastily clarify that they meant it in a good way, which tickled me) but not for a while.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

I wish I was better at snappy dialogue and twisty plot, I really admire authors who are great with plot and can write things that give the feeling of like... things going wrong in a way that makes sense, characters dealing with that in a way that makes sense? Hmm.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be handled very well or very poorly. I don't know if I myself ever would if canon didn't model doing it, or if I couldn't find someone fluent in the language to check that I wasn't butchering it.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

Invader Zim babyyyyyy

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

Hmm. Hard to pick just one, but here are some both old and recent that I especially like:

quelled and quenched in leaves (Stardew Valley) - a spooky fic I had a blast working on, very well received.

🐻🌠👋🗻FRIENDS🍦💎🔪🏄LEND💞🦆🕵️😲A👊👌🤟🙌HAND🤝🧙🔎💖 (Gravity Falls) - a doofy Gravity Falls casefic centered around some pretty rare characters. I jammed as many puns and gags into this as I could and tried some new things in general while I worked on it, and I'm still proud.

Chimera (Gemini) - exchange fic written for an obscure movie, another stretch in genre and tone that I still am proud of.

A Season Under the Kandrona (Animorphs) - fic about Aldrea and her family on an alien world. I just... love Animorphs so much

long still sea (Blade of the Immortal) - fix-it fic for the ending when I really needed that, written over the course of a single day in a borderline fugue state. I wish I could call on that productivity at will lmao

template:

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

3. what fandoms do you write for?

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

5. do you respond to comments?

6. what's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. do you get hate on fics?

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you've written?

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

15. what's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

16. what are your writing strengths?

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

19. first fandom you wrote for?

20. favorite fic you've ever written?

[actualaster]

A few reasons why my commenting on fic has gone further down over the recent years:

1.) A rise in authors constantly saying/sharing things that make it clear they prize essay comments over all else. I read fanfic for fun, I'm not doing a literature homework assignment on every single chapter of a fic in my free time because I don't find that fun. Not happening. And many authors are making it more and more clear the "just comment anything, even an emoji!" idea was a total lie and they don't actually appreciate those comments and more authors are expressing that they're actively annoyed by "extra kudos" or heart emoji comments because they can't work with them. (There's at least one person in the notes saying they get demoralized by such comments)

Which leads to:

2) an ever-increasing insistence that all comments need to be something an author can respond to and start a conversation from. I have like no social spoons and can barely even hold conversations with my friends, I absolutely do NOT want to engage in conversation with every author on every chapter of every work I read. If I had to do that I would simply stop reading fanfic entirely because it would turn it into something miserable, exhausting, and literally painful. Not worth engaging with at that point.

3.) Comments are a gift to authors, as a thank you for their gift to fandom. As soon as you start insisting that comments are the currency that purchases more fic, it feels less like a mutual gift exchange and more like a store transaction. I dislike that feeling as both a reader and a writer. Plus I think it helps foster a sense of entitlement in readers? That is, instead of being a never expected but always appreciated gift exchange it becomes a transaction where you put comments in and fic comes out so readers can feel that they've "paid" for the right to dictate where a fic will go/what other fic an author should write.

4.) It doesn't feel genuine with the push to always comment and make it "count". As an author, I wonder did they ACTUALLY like my work? Or did they only leave a positive comment as a social ritual the way people ask "how are you" without wanting an actual answer and expecting only some variation of "I'm good, thanks" to complete said social ritual.

Number 2 is actually one reason that, as an author, I don't actually adore getting comments because what if the READER is expecting a conversation? I can carry on alright for a while if we already know each other but it's a crapshoot on a new person and my social spoons are on ever-shorter batteries. But then I see readers say they feel like they got snubbed if the author doesn't reply to them. So it kind of really sucks either way.

(Don't get me wrong I don't hate comments, but I don't simply love them unconditionally, either)

So, y'know. Lots of pressure and uncertainty about if a given author will be okay with any comment or if they'll be angry they're not getting their preferred level of detail.

Y'can't have it both ways--either you encourage as many comments as possible and accept that not all of them will be detailed/conversational or you demand stricter comment format/specifc social interaction and accept you'll get far, far less if any. And the problem is that you can't enforce one or the other. Either way you'll be hampered by authors with the opposite preference, because how those authors indicate their feelings to readers will impact how their readers interact with other fic as well.

(And, as a disclaimer: I primarily write for a virtually dead fandom, and I also occasionally write original works. I know exactly what it feels like to not only get no comments but get NO interaction at all on a piece.)

So I don’t think there’s way to ask this without sounding whiny about it, but I am honestly curious.

Has anyone else noticed a semi-recent pattern of dramatically fewer comments on AO3?

I cherish every single comment I get, and those who know me know I’m big on everyone setting their own boundaries around engaging in fandom/not setting the expectation that comments are owed, etc.

But I’ve definitely noticed a sort of inverse relationship with things I��ve posted recently and the amount of comments they get as compared to things I’ve posted in the past.

So…have other people experienced this? Is it across fandoms?

Again, just curious, and trying my damndest not to take it to heart and to manage my expectations :).

[skazoo]

you're white noise.

↳ lee felix x f!reader

it's beginning to look a lot like you need to get out of your head and develop an emotional intelligence so that you don't make it so difficult for the people who love you to help you. or a "if you tell me about myself pt.2"

length. 2.2k

genre. demon slayer!au is back bitches! , friends(?) to lovers, fluff, crack and very light angst.

warnings/tags. language, mentions of death, injuries, blood, kny canon violence i think that's it.

networks. @kflixnet

notes. after the longest wait, the second part of my demon slayer!au is OUT!!! i've had a rough six months (🥲) but i've won back my inspiration from the clutches of procrastination. this is a little something but stay tuned for new projects!!

part one of the demon slayer!au can be read here!

i’m desperate for feedback and i love comments with your opinion!

(cross-posted on ao3 only)

the only thing you can hear is the forest's dull breathing.

the white expanse of the snow-covered ground acts as a blanket, and your stealthy feet thump softly on the ground.

a stray ray of a winter sun peeks through the branches of high pines drawing ever-changing shapes on your winter kimonos. felix’s has golden details, of course.

“we’ve been walking for hours can we please stop for just a second, i beg yo-”

“shut up hyunjin!” yours and felix’s combined whisper disturbs a small flock of birds that flies away in search of peace and quiet.

it’s the twelfth time in thirty minutes that you have to aggressively shush the redheaded slayer, and you can’t confidently say that you blame him.

when changbin assigned the three of you on ‘the most challenging mission of your young lives’ he didn’t bother to mention that the hard part would be finding the damn demon and not fighting it.

on top of that, the long walk in utter silence has given you plenty of time to think about everything. about him.

after that fateful night in the armory where felix told you the feelings he had for you, he kissed you, you kissed him back and you fled from your brother’s punishment in a summer breeze, things didn’t go exactly how one would think.

the night turned into the next day and things were awkward between you. it was obvious there were unspoken expectations and questions that neither of you wanted to voice out loud but that were painfully obvious to everyone around you, especially hyunjin.

the day quickly turned into a week and when things stayed awkward, it was a mutual decision -–or so you convinced yourself— to forget everything and start fresh. a new improved life in which you didn’t have an oblivious mortal enemy but a second good friend and sparring buddy, ready to help you become a great slayer whose lips you dream about at night. right.

now, as you’re standing ankles deep into candid snow, in a forest so big you can’t remember which way you came from, and with the aforementioned good friend walking just two steps ahead of you, you come to the understanding that it’s been exactly four months and twenty days since you realized how emotionally immature you are, and how felix is the exact damn opposite.

and yes. you’re keeping count.

felix abruptly stops and you have to suppress a groan of pain as hyunjin’s katana slams on the shoulder wound hidden under your kimono.

bless his heart, he doesn’t know. no one knows that since the last mission together you didn’t get out unscratched and a total winner, and nobody needs to know.

especially not felix. you don’t need him to think that you’re weak. you don’t need him to realize what a fraud you are. you don’t need him to take back everything he said that night because that’s what has been keeping you going these past months and you would not be able to bear it.

“did you hear that?” felix’s whisper materializes out of his mouth in a little steam cloud.

hyunjin’s head peeks from behind your smaller frame. “yeah, it was the sound of me giving up-”

“i’m serious hyun, it was like someone was slithering around us. we’re not alone.”

there's complete silence for a second, then again. a long hiss echoes through the forest.

hyunjin’s face turns pale all of a sudden. “wait, did you say ‘someone’? why did you say someone felix?”

a quiet mocking smile grows on the blond’s mouth. “if you listened to anything changbin’s tells us before we go on a mission you would know.”

a small snort of disbelief and he’s now whining to you, bottom lip childishly pouted. “Y/N do something he’s being a little bitch.” you have to keep the laugh that bubbles in your chest to yourself or you will definitely attract unwanted attention.

“hyune, baby, we’re looking for a snake demon. you have to pay attention.” you turn to the other slayer with a resolute expression. “it must have sensed our presence. we should split up. surround it.”

you see the hesitant flicker of his brows before he even opens his mouth, and there it is again, that crippling, irrational anxiety that he doesn’t trust you. doesn’t value you. doesn’t like you.

you feel like if you don’t show him that you are worthy now, he will never see it again.

“we can do it felix.” he looks hyunjin in the eyes, then shifts to yours. a silent nod makes you hopeful again. “i can do it.” you whisper only for yourself to hear.

and so the three of you have the clearing surrounded and now the only thing left to do is to focus. possibly not on the fact that you’re literally about to fight to the death to gain the respect of the person who literally told you he almost L-worded you even when you were treating him like a terrorist. in retrospect, you should realize that you were a complete idiot, but anyway.

but everything –of course– happens almost comically fast.

from your peripheral vision you catch the glimpse of a tail and before you know it you're being dragged on the freezing snow by your ankle. the wound on your shoulder opening again and leaving behind a trail of deep, incriminating red.

it’s so fast, so confusing, so painful that all you can do is let out a guttural scream that completely drowns out felix screaming your name from the other side of the clearing.

trying to take back the reins of the situation, while the demon forcefully hurls you forward, you reach for the katana in the sheath on your hip and violently and desperately plant it in the ground, putting an end to your target’s manhandling.

the second you’re up again and manage to steal a look at your partners you dreadfully realize that they are both looking at you with worry and a stronger undertone of disappointed anger, and suddenly the worst that could happen is not being killed or transformed into a demon but being abandoned by those you love because of a stupid lie. because of irrational insecurities.

as they run to your aid, taking a defensive stance beside you, you know what’s coming.

“we’re on the same team, why the hell are you hiding things from me!?” felix’s grunted shout reaches you even if the demon is roaring with hunger.

hyunjin joins. “why are you hiding things from us, Y/N! i’m- we’re your friends for fuck’s sake! is it that hard to ask for help!?”

you’ve never seen hyunjin being so aggressive in a fight. he moves on the snow with so much lightness that it might seem like he’s flying, and every time the demon snaps at him, he’s ready to use his enemy’s momentum to inflict small, deep cuts in the thick gray scales of the monster.

“when was this!?” felix takes hyunjin’s place as the redhead is thrown on the ground. his head forcefully bangs against a fallen trunk.

“i know! and i’m sorry, but i really don’t think this is the best time!” you’re out of breath as you dance with your partner around the contorting body of the reptile demon. you have to hold your shoulder with your other hand or you know things will get ugly for you.

he dodges a clawed hand directed at his freckled face. “it’s the only time, Y/N! why do you keep ignoring the fact that we care for you!? i don’t want you to die! is it that bad for you that you have to keep secrets from us?!”

you stay silent because what can you possibly say? that you’re scared shitless of being abandoned? that you don’t want him to move on from you even if you know that you’re the only one who wanted to stay friends? you can’t because he doesn’t deserve your paranoia.

your katana cuts deep into the demon’s side and felix goes on.

“i literally L-word you!” you almost freeze on the spot. “you changed me, Y/N and i wished i’d changed you even if just a little that night!” he’s losing concentration on the fight and he doesn’t even notice. all your fault.

“but you did felix, and for the better! i swear i’m sorry!” you plead, your voice straining against your throat.

as you dodge the demon’s scaled tail, the scene that unfolds before you seems to go in slow motion.

felix is too focused on you. his eyebrows furrowed in question, his eyes pleading for answers and on his lips, there's the beginning of your name, about to be uttered in the most lovingly, humanly possible way you’ve ever heard it.

but —and of course, there's a but— hyunjin is still trying to get up from where he was thrown and too far away anyway to shield felix from the clean cut of his head the demon is about to make. you are the only one who’s aware of the threat, you’re the only one who can do something.

the forest is silent again. the rumbling of the fight is completely muted by your mind. nothing moves. nothing exists except for you and the demon with bared teeth who's coming in your direction.

touch him and you’re dead.

you close your eyes and put your sword back before slowly unsheathing it again.

then all you have to do is breathe.

you breathe and burning flames shoot out to devour the demon’s body completely.

it doesn’t last long but it feels like a whole lifetime. for a second inside your head, there’s only anger that later leaves space for pride and an unbridled obsession to protect. then static sound.

when you zone back into the real world you slowly take a look around you.

the line of trees that marked the edge of the clearing has now been completely torn down. little fires still dance around, melting the white snow and creating a beautiful contrast.

behind you, you can hear felix and hyunjin’s ragged breathing.

“this is going to sound controversial but i think that went well.” hyunjin wheezes, folded in half, his hands on his knees and a surprised expression on his flushed face.

the other is looking at you with an indecipherable expression and your fight or flight instincts almost kick in. he’s studying you.

then felix sprints to you and tackles you to the snow in a bone-crushing hug. you can feel his heart beating like a drum in his chest, teaching yours how to love.

you wince. “felix, my shoulder…”

he takes your face in his gelid hands and just looks at you. he looks at the snowflakes trapped in your hair. he looks at your reddened nose, your lucid eyes, and the little puffs of vapor that escape your slightly parted mouth. with pain, he looks at your shoulder that’s still silently bleeding.

“Y/N…”

you squeeze your eyes in shame and understanding. “i know…”

his forehead touches yours and you feel the heat of his body envelope your skin.

you want to tell him everything that you’ve been keeping inside for these past months. you want to cry and assure him that it was not his fault but only yours and you want to tell him you’re sorry for pushing him away, for being too scared to give yourself to him.

you want to tell him this and more but he looks at you as if you’re a star and maybe he already knows everything.

honestly speaking, you're so tired of being scared away from love by your own mind. you know you can break free from the shackles that you put on yourself too many years ago. and with felix by your side, with hyunjin, changbin, with love, everything will be easier to bear.

a bird chirps in the distance and you’re forced out of your trance state.

felix’s golden hair reflects a single ray of sun that breaks through the high branches of the forest. “Y/N.”

“what?”

“i’m gonna kiss you, ok?”

you chuckle. “i haven’t showered in four days, felix.”

“okay?” he’s pouting and you can’t possibly say no to him.

“okay.” and it’s the softest kiss you’ve ever had. it’s hot and freezing, it’s so deep and carefree and it’s perfectly him. it’s an ‘i L-word you kiss’ and you couldn’t want anything more.

it doesn’t last long because from your left hyunjin always understands when is the right time to speak up.

“wait guys, am i- please stop kissing guys. am i doing this right?” he’s awkwardly trying to cut through the demon’s neck with his katana.

this time you possibly can’t stop yourself from snorting loudly and happily at your friend’s antics. felix on the other hand hasty gets up and looks like he can’t understand how a skilled slayer like hyunjin can be this incompetent. “hyunjin, it’s a demon you can’t cut his head like you’re cutting bread for fuck’s sake. it’s a clean cut c’mon.”

when the three of you finally make out the blurred outline of the snow-covered headquarters you can’t help but breathe a sigh of relief.

in the distance you can see your brother smiling fondly at you, his knowing eyes fixed on the bandaged wound on your shoulder.

“where's my favorite idiot, uh?” his hands come as a megaphone around his mouth.

hyunjin looks confused and admittedly, a little bit offended. “i’m right here…?”

he gathers you in his arms as you sprint to him. “surprisingly enough i was not talking about you this time.”

[jenohi]

stranger

PAIRING ▸ Watanabe Haruto x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ pining, high school au, lacrosse au, I’m not really sure what genre this is lol

WARNINGS ▸ traumatic events?

SUMMARY ▸ When Haruto moves halfway around the world the last person he expects to see is you. His former nemesis...or so he thinks.

PLAYLIST ▸ Still Don’t Know My Name by Labyrinth

WORD COUNT ▸ 9626

UNIVERSE ▸ YG High; Treasure Lacrosse Team

A/N ▸ I’ve decided from here on out all my stories will probably fall within the same universe. I only really have like 4 universes in mind so I’ll label them just so you know. Also, I’m looking to add some art to my stories to bring them more to life but I am useless at graphics/edits, so! If you’re really into making graphics/edits and you enjoy my work please please PLEASE reach out to me!!! I would love to work with an amazing artist! <3 <3 Plz enjoy.

A/N 2 ▸ This story is like a lot of crossover with Jeongwoo’s story but I hope I was able to bring justice to Haruto’s character and bring his story to life. :P ok now enjoy for real realz.

You were the prettiest girl Haruto had ever known in his life. But to him, you were also his rival. You always managed to score just a few points higher than him on each exam, each quiz, each assignment. To him it always felt like the teachers liked you more, so he made sure your classmates liked him more. The thing that made him really mad was that you were so unbothered. You were ambivalent to him and you didn’t even know his name. If you really were strangers and never sat in the same class he could understand. But you had been in the same classes for years. Each time you spoke to him, you politely asked for his name. As if you were strangers.

When his parents told him that his family was going to move to another city, far enough that he would have to transfer schools, he had mixed feelings. This was his last chance to confront you. To understand why you’d never bothered to remember his name, but each time he approached you he found you furiously scribbling in a notebook. Although he resented you for not knowing his name, he could never get himself to disturb you when you looked so stressed scribbling whatever it was in your notebook.

What Haruto didn’t know is that you did notice him. You noticed the handsome, tall, skinny boy that was always in the corner of your line of sight. But you had no idea what to say to him. So you never approached him. He was a stranger.

Haruto wished he could forget you. He was a bit uncomfortable transferring to a new school at first but thankfully, three other boys had transferred with him. Asahi, Mashiho, and Yoshi had become literal brothers to him. The school also had a transfer students program and he made a new friend, Hanbyul. She was a chatterbox and sometimes she could literally chat his ear off, but she was also sweet and helpful. But she wasn’t you.

But that didn’t matter because Hanbyul had another guy on her mind all the time anyway. “You know we’ve just been friends for such a long time and lately, I’ve started to...I don’t know. I feel different. Nervous. Is it normal to feel nervous around your best friend?”

“I don’t know. Is it?” Haruto responded.

“No, I suppose it isn’t. But he probably doesn’t feel the same way. I doubt he’s ever even thought about me in that way.”

Haruto felt someone nudge him, he turned to see that it was Asahi. Haruto leaned over to hear what he was going to say. “Is she talking about Jaehyuk’s brother?”

Haruto nodded.

“Jaehyuk talks about his little brother and this chick all the time. She’s so off the mark. The little brother definitely has feelings for her if Jaehyuk is anywhere near the mark.” So both parties had feelings for one another but both parties were too chicken to say anything to each other. And for no good reason.

In a way that reminded Haruto of himself and it pissed him off. He knew that spending so much time with his new friend would raise suspicions but he didn’t care. He knew that spending so much time with her pissed Jeongwoo off. It didn’t take a genius to recognize it when they went to the Big Bang Concert together.

Haruto thought he was going crazy when he spotted you a few spaces over at the concert. He rubbed his eyes and blinked a few times to make sure it was really you. Haruto stormed over to you once he decided that it was in fact you. He had spent months thinking about what to say to you if he ever saw you again, he wasn’t going to miss this opportunity. Haruto didn’t even think to tell his new friends where he had gone.

You saw a tall, handsome figure approaching your direction. You took a second to check him out, but then turned back to the performers and continued to enjoy yourself. Your parents were reluctant to let you go out to this concert on your own but it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that you wanted so badly. You smiled sadly at what might happen when you woke up tomorrow.

“I didn’t know you were a fan of Big Bang.” You heard a voice from behind speak into your ear. You jumped in surprise and turned around to see that it was the handsome stranger you saw sauntering your way earlier.

“Hi, what’s your name?” You asked with a polite smile on your face. This is probably exactly what your parents were worried about, creepy men that would try to approach you. You started to think about the best way to remove yourself from the situation safely. The now unamused expression on his face alarmed you.

“When are you gonna cut the shit. You know who I am.”

You looked at him puzzled. “I do? How? From where?”

Haruto felt something in his chest crack. “I used to go to school with you. You’re Y/N right?”

“Oh, yeah. That’s me.” You furiously racked your mind trying to remember what you had read but your memory came up blank. You couldn’t help but cringe and turn away. This is why you tried your best to keep to yourself and away from people. You looked up to see Haruto staring down at you with a curious expression. “I’m sorry I don’t remember you. You said you used to go to school with me? You don’t go to school with me anymore? Can I get your name again? I’m really sorry. I’ll try and remember.”

“My name is Haruto. I don’t go to school with you anymore. I transferred to a new school a few months ago.”

“Oh, I see.”

Haruto wasn’t sure how to feel when he realized you actually had zero recollection of him. For some reason seeing you up close and seeing you really trying to remember him made him feel a bit sympathetic. He couldn’t understand why. It still totally irked him that you didn’t know his name. But something told him to sit down with you and get to know you.

“Well, do you like your new school?” You asked, looking up at Haruto. Your heart was beating hard and fast. You prayed that your face wasn’t flushing.

“Why don’t we just enjoy the rest of the concert for now and we can grab a late night meal after the concert?” Haruto proposed. His own palms were sweaty and his heart was beating fast.

You thought about it for a second, then nodded and smiled. Haruto felt like the world had a glittery filter for a second. He’d always acknowledged that you were attractive, but up close smiling at him, you were drop dead gorgeous.

“Awesome.”

After the concert, the two of you walked side by side as you left the crowded venue. You noticed Haruto took a second to text someone on his phone. He caught you snooping and laughed as you turned away. “It’s fine. I was just letting the friends I came with know that I was gonna head out with you.”

“Oh, if you need to get back with them it’s fine.” You said, maybe hanging out with Haruto was a bad idea after all.

“Not a chance, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you. I’m honestly curious to know how you are and how things are back home.”

Your face flushed at his words. You couldn’t remember the last time you had spent time with a guy like this. Was this a date?

“Alright. Then what are you in the mood for?” You asked, pulling up a list of restaurants that were still open at this hour.

“What’s available now? What are you in the mood for right now?” Haruto looked over your shoulder at the menu as he asked.

“Um, what about McDonald’s? I’m not that picky and there’s not that much open right now.” you said.

Haruto stared at you with wide eyes, were you always this cool? So the two of you made your way to the closest McDonald’s and debated which was better, Coke or Sprite. To Haruto, Coca-Cola was non-negotiable.

“How is your new school?” You asked Haruto, munching on a few of your fries. “Do you like it?”

“What are you doing here?” Haruto interjected.

“What do you mean?”

“We’re not in Japan. This is far from home. Why are you in America?”

“Oh, I’m uh- I’m visiting family. I’ve actually transferred to a school around here for the time-being as well.” You jumped in surprise when Haruto shrieked.

“You’re here now? Like for good? Like you go to school here? Where?”

You giggled at the questions he rained down on you. The way he asked you with his cheeks full and eyes wide was rather endearing. “Yes I’m here now. I’m actually, uh, home schooled for the time being.”

“Oh, interesting. Why are you homeschooled? I remember you were always really good at school.” Haruto said before he shoved another chicken nugget into his mouth. The irritating thought that you were always better than him at school, just by a little popped up in his mind but he pushed it away. That didn’t matter anymore. He had your attention now.

You felt your face flush. Even with your condition it was true that you maintained your good grades. So Haruto must have actually known you back in Japan. You eyed him again, when he caught you staring at him you turned away. Haruto smirked.

“Enough about me. Tell me about your friends. You said you came with friends from your new school right?”

“Well I’d say one of them is actually who I’d consider a friend. The other one is a mutual friend. A childhood friend that has feelings for her.”

“Her?” it slipped out of your mouth. Haruto’s smirk reappeared and his eyebrow jumped up when he looked at you. You looked away, what was this funny feeling in your chest? It was weird.

“Our school had this transfer student program and she just happened to be assigned to me. She’s really cool, I’m not into her like that and she’s not really into me like that. She likes her friend.”

“How do you know?”

“She told me.”

“Oh. That feels like something important. Like a secret.”

“Well, I told her a secret as well.”

You stared at him. He didn’t indulge in the secret. Haruto was wholly focused on sipping the last of his Coca-Cola before putting it down on the table and letting out a sigh.

“Well so what’s going on with them now?” You asked.

“Hopefully, they both pull their heads out of their asses tonight. I gave them time alone so the best case scenario is that they just talk it out. The dude, Jeongwoo, I actually met him for the first time tonight and he’s a cool dude. It would be nice to have more dude friends around here.”

“You don’t have any guy friends?”

“I do. There are 3 other transfer students from Japan and they’re all dudes and I’m friends with them. Actually, Americans like to play this sport. Lacrosse? My friend told me to try out for the team and I think I might. Mashi, Asahi, and Yoshi agreed to try-out as well so it’ll be fun.”

You nodded, you had no idea what lacrosse was and you didn’t think you would be that interested to learn either. “I should get home.”

“Right of course.” Haruto said, getting up. “Where are you headed? Let me call you an Uber.”

“No, it’s okay. I can actually walk back home from here.”

“Oh really? Well, at least let me walk you back.”

You hesitated for a second. Would it be smart to show this guy where you lived? But then you shook it off, he seemed pretty harmless throughout the night and you trusted that he knew you from school in Japan. So you agreed.

“Do you have to be home-schooled?” Haruto asked.

“No, I don’t think so.” you answered.

“Would you be interested in attending school in person again?” Haruto could feel the devil on his shoulder kicking him. What was he doing? He had already gone to school with you before and the fact that you always did just a smidge better than him drove him nuts.

“Um, I haven’t really thought about it. Why?”

“You should consider transferring to my school?”

Your eyebrows shot up. “What?”

Haruto stepped back a bit and raised his hands. “It was just a suggestion. Honestly, I struggled a bit when I first came here. I can’t imagine how lonely it must be to be here and just be home-schooled so I figured it might be nice to have some sense of community.”

“Um, I’ll think about it.” You weren’t going to think about it. You looked up and breathed a sigh of relief when you saw the familiar apartment complex. “This is me. You don’t have to walk in with me. I’m gonna go now.”

“Wait.” Haruto said. You turned around to look at him, a thin smile on your face. “I, uh, I had fun.”

“Yeah, this was nice.” You said truthfully.

“We should do it again sometime.” Haruto said. You stared at him, he looked perfectly composed to you. But his heart was practically beating so hard he thought it might fall out of his chest.

“Honestly, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

Haruto felt a heat and anger flare up in his chest. But he did his best to tamp it down and get it under control. This was literally the first time you had acknowledged his presence. He put a smile on his face. “Well, then maybe we’ll just run into each other again sometime.”

“Maybe, it’s all up to fate now. Good night Haruto.”

“Good night Y/N.”

The second you made it back into your room you pulled out your diary. You scribbled the notes you had logged into your phone throughout the day as quickly as possible. Briefly reliving each moment as you wrote them down. By the time you had gotten to the end of the list and began to recount the concert you could feel your eyelids getting heavier and heavier and your hands writing more and more frantically until suddenly, you crashed.

The next morning you woke up and read your notes. You squinted at the last thing you had written. Your handwriting became illegible near the end. ‘Haruto?’

The next morning Haruto woke up and smiled at the memory of you. Asahi and Mashiho eyed their roommate as he pranced around the living room and kitchen smiling and singing. But nothing could bring Haruto down. Well until he saw his friend looking depressed as hell.

“Dude what’s up?” Haruto asked. “Did you and Jeongwoo figure your shit out?”

“Uh, about that. Well, no.”

“No? What do you mean no?”

“Well what about you? Did you run into her?”

“Nuh uh, this isn’t about me. You literally had the perfect opportunity to make something of it. To make a moment! Did you guys have a moment?”

“Yes, I think we did. But I got scared. I don’t want to lose Jeongwoo as a friend, but at the same time I don’t think he has any feelings for me like that. I just, I think I need space. Maybe if I just distance myself from him a bit then I can get over my feelings and…”

“No offense, but that’s the stupidest thing I think I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Well I don’t care if you think it’s stupid. This is my decision and my decision is that I don’t want to see Jeongwoo for awhile. Ok? I’m not ready for the conversation. So you better get used to seeing me more often!”

Haruto sighed as he watched his friend storm out of the room. He turned around and exchanged looks with Asahi. “Did I say something wrong?”

Asahi shrugged. “Honestly, I think you’re valid. I think her logic in avoiding Jeongwoo is pretty dumb. The dude’s in my gym class. Honestly, he’s chill. I don’t think he’d react badly to her if she confesses regardless of how he feels.”

“I should probably find her and apologize anyway.” Haruto said, exiting the room. Eventually he found his friend and they sat together in the cafeteria.

“Sorry about what I said earlier. I’ll admit it was kind of harsh. But honestly I can’t say I understand your logic at all.”

“It’s fine Haruto. You seemed extra happy when you walked in this morning. Who was the friend that you saw at the concert?”

“It was her. Y/N.”

“No way! Isn’t she in Japan?”

“That’s what I thought too. I was so shocked to see her.”

“What did you say to her? What did you guys talk about? Did she recognize you?”

“That’s the thing. The best part of it all was that I actually had her attention. You remember I told you about how she never acknowledged anybody right? She was always reading her notebook in the hallway. In the past when I spoke to her she never even knew my name! She had to ask me every single time. But this time, there’s no way she wouldn’t remember me!”

“Your relationship is weird. But I guess that’s sweet. What does she write about in her notebook?”

“I don’t know. Why does it matter? She knows my name now!”

“That’s another thing. You went to school together for years and she never remembered your name? Why?”

“I don’t know.” Haruto said. Now he was grouchy. All the questions that had been brought up to him were valid, but these weren’t things he wanted to think about.

A few weeks before the lacrosse tryouts in the spring Haruto went to the hospital to get a physical done.

Once he was done he stumbled into a small cafe right next to the hospital. When he saw who was manning the cash register he rubbed his eyes and looked away and looked back a few times to make sure he wasn’t being deluded. When he was confident that he wasn’t going crazy he stood up and walked over to the register.

You saw a tall, handsome, and skinny guy walk up to the cash register. You cleared your throat and stood up straight. “Hello, what can I get you?”

“Y/N! It’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Again?” You put a smile on your face and thought of a response. “Hey, it’s so good to see you! How have you been? What’ll you have?”

“Do you...remember my name?”

You felt your heart picking up speed and your palms beginning to sweat. But you kept your composure. “Of course, let me take your order and we can chat for a second.”

Haruto beamed. “Okay, then I’ll just have an Iced Americano.”

“Okay, that’ll be $3.30. The ice machine is in the back so I’ll be right out in a second. You rushed to the back of the cafe and pulled out your diary and flipped through the pages, reading the entries as quickly as possible. Out of the corner of your eye you noticed a torn piece of paper that had slipped out of your bag. You picked it up, it matched the paper in your diary. You flipped it over to see that it had a name written on it. Haruto.

Was that this guy’s name? Who was he to you? Darn it, why hadn’t you written more?

You quickly filled the cup with ice and walked out filling the cup with cold brew. You grabbed the marker and scribbled Haruto on it. You walked back over to the cash register. This guy’s eyes were practically glittering in anticipation. Was it normal for someone to get this excited over a coffee?

“I’ve got one iced americano for Haruto?” you said.

If his eyes were glittering before, they were practically flashing light strobe lights at a nightclub now. A matching beaming grin on his face. “Yes! Y/N it’s fate. We ran into each other again!”

“Right. Yeah, of course. What are the odds.”

“Do you have a minute?”

“Um, I’m working right now. I’d rather not get in trouble. Maybe another time?”

Haruto swiveled around, eying the cafe. “It looks pretty empty to me. I don’t think you’d get in trouble if you came out for a second just to keep me company.”

“Still…”

“Is your manager even here right now?”

“No.”

“Then come on. Just come out for a second.”

You looked around the cafe, cursing at how vacant it was. You tugged at your sleeves for a second before answering. “Fine.”

You followed Haruto out from behind the counter. He walked over to a table and pulled a seat out from underneath the table. He smiled as he waited for you to sit down. You walked over to the table and turned around. Haruto slid the chair underneath you as you moved to sit down. Once you were seated Haruto ran around to the other side of the table and sat down.

“How are you? How have you been?” Haruto asked.

You stared at the boy sitting in front of you. He was so handsome. “I’m doing well. How about you?”

“I’m good. I was in the area because I needed to go to the hospital.”

Your ears perked up. “Why were you at the hospital?”

“Why do you wanna know? Are you worried about me?”

You didn’t say anything. You just stared at Haruto. Haruto cleared his throat and looked away for a second. “I’m just playing with you. I went to get a physical.”

You nodded, tracing the patterns on the tablecloth.

“I needed one for lacrosse tryouts.”

“Lacrosse? What is that?” you asked. Haruto thought the way your nose scrunched in confusion was adorable.

“I told you about it last time! Remember? It’s this sport that Americans like to play. I had never heard of it in Japan either.”

You didn’t remember. “Right.”

Haruto couldn’t understand the dynamics of the conversation. He watched as you avoided eye contact with him and intensely focused on tracing the pattern of the table cloth. Then you would stare out the window of the cafe, it almost appeared as if your eyes were glazed over. “What are you always writing about in your notebook?”

Your head spun over to look at him so fast, you thought you might have gotten whiplash. “What?”

“Your notebook. I remember in school back in Japan I always saw you either writing things down in a notebook or reading the same notebook. What’s in it?”

“Um, nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

“Why? It can’t be that bad. I promise I won’t laugh no matter how embarrassing it might be.” Haruto said. Leaning forward over the table so that he was in your face.

“Forget it.” You said, leaning back and looking away. You glanced over at your bag that was perched far back behind the counter and breathed a sigh of relief. “Look. I gotta go. I’m supposed to be working right now. I think you should go now as well.”

You stood up from the table so quickly that the chair you were sitting on toppled over. You didn’t bother to turn around and pick it up. You walked back towards the counter without looking back.

Haruto watched you as you walked away. He narrowed his eyes when he saw you grab your bag and walk to the back of the cafe. There was only one thing on his mind as he walked out of the cafe. Your notebook. What was in the notebook?

You frantically flipped to today’s page in your notebook. In all caps with your boldest, darkest black marker you wrote at the top of your notebook. ‘Beware of Haruto. Tall, Handsome. Asked about notebook.’

Then you shut the notebook and exited the back room, breathing a sigh of relief when you noticed that the cafe was vacant once again. You walked over to the cafe table where you had previously sat and picked up the chair that had fallen over when you had left the conversation.

The next day at school Haruto was deep in thought. What could possibly be so important about a notebook? When Hanbyul shoved him, Haruto shrieked as he fell out of his chair. “Dude, what the hell is your problem?”

“What are you thinking about? You look like you’re thinking so hard that your brain might break.”

“Do you have an important notebook? Is that like something girls do?”

“You mean like a diary?”

Haruto snapped his fingers and looked up. “Yes! Exactly like one of those. Do you have one of those?”

“I did when I was younger. I don’t keep one anymore though. Why do you ask?”

“My friend. The one from home, Y/N? I think she has one. I asked her about it yesterday and she got all dodgy and weird.”

“Ah, well. Back when I did keep a diary it held all my dirtiest secrets. I don’t think I would want to share it with anybody or for anybody to know about it. Not even now, and as an elementary schooler I really don’t think I had any secrets worth keeping.”

“It was so weird. She got so defensive over it. I didn’t realize bringing it up would be such a touchy subject.”

Hanbyul shrugged. “Different things matter to different people. Are you ready for tryouts? They’re coming up soon aren’t they?”

Haruto nodded. “Asahi, Mashiho, Yoshi, and I have started going to that gym that you recommended. Lacrosse is actually pretty fun. Mashiho is the best though. Are you coming to tryouts?”

“Of course I am. I’m practically making you go so it’s only fair that I be there to see how you do. I reserve the right to totally make fun of you if you embarrass yourself though.”

Haruto rolled his eyes. “Yeah, whatever.”

Soon enough it was the first day of lacrosse tryouts. Haruto had frequented the cafe that you worked at in hopes of getting the chance to speak to you again. Unfortunately, what he didn’t know was that you had quit the job and diligently stayed home and studied.

Haruto was agitated at the thought of not being able to speak to you again. When he tried to sit down and rationalize it himself he couldn’t make sense of it. A year ago he despised you for not knowing his name. You know his name now, right? What more did he want from you?

“Haruto? Haruto! Hello? Are you even listening to me?”

Haruto turned to look at Hanbyul. “Honestly no, sorry. What’s up?”

“I feel bad for how I treated Jeongwoo. You were right, avoiding him was not the right thing to do. But why hasn’t he said anything to me?”

“Look I can’t tell you what’s going on between the two of you any better than you can. My assumption is that he’s a bit hurt and confused at the moment by how you’re acting and he doesn’t want to make things any worse than they are.”

“Can’t you say something to him?”

“Me?” Haruto looked up from his stick that he was re-taping. “What do you want me to say to him?”

“I don’t know. Just...just get him to react.”

Haruto scoffed. “If you want me to do that I can but again I feel like it’s not going to produce the results that you want. Like I think if I say anything things are gonna go really sour so I think you should think long and hard about this.”

“Haruto!”

“Look, I gotta go. Tryouts are starting.” Haruto said, turning away and walking onto the field. He didn’t miss the hard stare coming his way from Jeongwoo. Haruto ignored them and focused on his gameplay. Lacrosse had actually become really cathartic for him and he found that he really wanted to make the team.

Haruto noticed that the coaches seemed to be reacting favorably to how he was playing. He also realized that Jeongwoo was also really good but he played really aggressively, like he had something to lose. At the end of practice Haruto figured his hunches must have been correct because the coaches called him over to speak with him.

“I’m sure you know Varsity tryouts were this morning, all of your friends from Japan did great as did you and so we’re thinking about pulling you up to varsity. So tomorrow I want you to come early and try out with the varsity team, alright?”

Haruto beamed and nodded.

“Good work son.” The coach slapped Haruto on the shoulder. He did his best not to fall over. Thankfully the coach didn’t notice.

Haruto walked off the field and headed towards the school parking lot. Just as he pulled his phone out to call someone for a ride home his phone pinged, he tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Mashiho.

Mashiho: Haruto have JV tryouts ended?

Haruto: Yes, I just finished

Mashiho: Cool. Have you found a ride home yet?

Haruto: No, do you know anyone who can come get me?

Mashiho: Ya, a lot of the guys on varsity can drive. Junkyu is over now but he offered to come pick you up.

Haruto: Junkyu?

Mashiho: He’s trying out for the varsity team. He’s cool. Kinda goofy but cool. I’ll come by with him.

Haruto: Alright, thanks dude.

Mashiho: Np.

Haruto checked the time on his phone before putting it back into his pocket. 6 P.M. Would you be at the cafe? The last few times he had gone by he hadn’t seen you. He put the thought away when a car appeared in front of him. The window rolled down and Mashiho cheered when he saw Haruto. “Get in the car! You smell!”

“Shut up and unlock the door Mashi.” The car door clicked open and Haruto hopped into the backseat. There was a large dude sitting in the driver’s seat who kept fidgeting with a bunch of random controls.

The guy turned around with a giant grin on his face. “Hello! I’m Junkyu. You must be Haruto! Nice to meet you!”

Haruto bowed. “Hello. Yes, I am Haruto. Nice to meet you as well.”

“Ruto! How were tryouts?”

“They were really good. Coach pulled me over at the end of tryouts and told me to come early tomorrow morning and try out with the varsity team.”

“Damn! You must be so good!” Junkyu said from the driver’s seat. Haruto tried not to be concerned by the way Junkyu was driving. His head kept swiveling from left to right. “Did you guys play sports back in Japan? All of you were insane at tryouts today!”

“We all played football. I think Mashi and Yoshi played basketball as well.”

“Football? Do you mean football football or soccer football?”

“Eh?”

“Do you kick a ball or do you carry a ball?”

“You kick it. Duh. Why would you carry a ball? That’s just dumb.”

“Americans call a totally different sport football. Don’t worry about it too much. But it’s awesome that you guys are so good.”

“Well to be fair, we were told about that Lacrosse Club and we had a few training sessions every week leading up to try outs.” Mashiho said.

“Ahh! How’d you hear about that? A few of us have been playing on their club teams for a while.”

“My friend told me about it. She’s the person responsible for me in the foreign exchange students program. Hanbyul?”

“Oh! I know who you’re talking about. Her brother was a legend at this school. He was a top recruit since his sophomore year here. But right before the most important game of his senior year he tested positive on a drug test and he couldn’t play. It totally turned him, his team, and the school around. He got dropped by the college that was recruiting him. But I heard he struck a deal with a pro-team and I guess he’s been training with them. The dude was in a league of his own.”

“Damn. That’s insane.”

“Yeah, our school takes lacrosse pretty seriously. The best players at our school get recruited to some of the best schools so it’s a great opportunity.”

Haruto knew there were probably more important things to be thinking about in this conversation but he couldn’t help but wonder if he could get you to come to one of his games.

The second day of tryouts Haruto was absolutely on fire. His shorts were shart, his passes were quick, and his steps were light. The varsity team was definitely of a different caliber but Haruto found the challenge fun. It was nice to be able to play with the rest of the Japanese boys as well.

At the end of varsity tryouts the coach pulled him over, “you were great out there today. How are you feeling?”

“I’m feeling alright coach.”

“Up for a few more hours?”

Haruto paused, but then nodded. He wasn’t in a place to argue with his coaches. “Sure.”

“Great. Then I want you to continue through JV tryouts. Grab some water and then head back out onto the field.”

“Alright coach.”

Haruto jogged out to the edge of the field. He was surprised to see Hanbyul sitting at the edge of the bleachers. “What’s up?”

“Hey, what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean what am I doing here? I came to watch your second day of tryouts.”

“Are you sure you’re here to watch me?”

“Shut up. Why are you all sweaty already?”

“Coach had me try out with the varsity team today.”

Hanbyul’s eyes widened. “Dang, you must be awesome. The last two boys that made it onto the varsity team as sophomores were my brother and his best friend Bobby.”

Haruto shrugged. “The game is fun. It would be awesome to play on varsity.”

The coach blew his whistle, signalling all the players to come back out onto the field. Haruto turned around and gathered around. Every so often throughout the day Haruto ran back to the bleachers where Hanbyul sat. His bag was stowed away there as was his secret stash of Coca-Cola. It probably wasn’t smart to be drinking Coke in the middle of tryouts but every so often he needed a pick-me-up.

“You need to quash that habit.”

“Yeah yeah.”

At the end of the day the coach told Haruto to wait for him inside his office. So Haruto did just that.

“So what’d you think about tryouts today?” Coach asked.

“It was intense.”

“Yeah, what did you think of the way the varsity team played?”

“They were quicker, sharper, and more nimble.”

“Good observation. Do you think you were good enough to play on their level?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, then answer me another question. If you had to pick another player from the JV tryouts today to pull up to Varsity who would you pick?”

Haruto thought about it for a second. The answer was obvious. The only other person who seemed to put up a fight with him was “Jeongwoo.”

“Good guess.” The coach laughed. “I don’t know what they feed you kids in Japan. But all four of you are good.”

There was a knock on the door. Haruto turned around to see Jeongwoo. He smirked when he saw the sour expression on Jeongwoo’s face. But it was gone once he had walked into the room and stood adjacent to Haruto.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

The last place Haruto expected to run into you was at the hospital. The last thing you were expecting at the hospital was for a dude to come up behind you and scare you. It was horrible, you can’t remember the last time you screamed so loudly, let alone at a public place.

“What are you doing here Y/N?”

“Uh, I’m-” you hesitated, trying to craft an answer that was vague enough that you wouldn’t have to tell the whole truth but not vague enough that he wouldn’t continue to ask questions. But thankfully Haruto seemed to take it upon himself to fill the silence.

“Look, I just wanted to say I’m sorry that I totally misjudged you when I first met you? In fact, I thought I hated you.”

Alarm bells went off in your head. Was it normal for a person to come to you and tell you they hated you? “Uh, thanks?”

But Haruto continued. “But I wanted to say I totally read you wrong. You’re actually really cool. And I wanted to say thank you. For remembering my name.”

That was the first time someone had ever said that to you. You stared at him blankly unsure of how to respond.

“Haruto! Haruto! Haruto! Please report to waiting room 105, the doctor is ready for you now.” The voice over the loudspeaker belted.

“Well, that’s me.” Haruto said with a soft smile on his face. He got up and waved goodbye to you before heading to the back of the office.

Once he was safely out of sight you pulled out your notebook. Your face paled once you flipped through it a few times. You thought about what to do. What did this guy want? You wrote out all these questions in your notebook. Then you came to a conclusion of what to do and wrote that down in your notebook as well.

You ripped out a piece of paper from your notebook and scribbled your number on it. Then got up to the receptionist desk. “Hi, I don’t know if you’re allowed to do this. But when that guy Haruto comes out. Would you mind giving him this?”

You handed the sheet of paper over to her, the receptionist gave you a look and then a wink before accepting the sheet of paper. You figured that meant she accepted, so you waved goodbye and left the hospital.

“Excuse me sir!” The receptionist lady called out to Haruto as he was about to head out of the doctor’s office. What felt and looked like a nasty possible sprain on the lacrosse field just turned out to be a measly bruise.

Haruto approached the reception desk. “There was a young lady earlier. She asked me to give this to you before you leave.”

Haruto looked at the slip of paper. His eyes widened into the size of large gumballs when he realized what was on it. He felt like his heart would explode. But then his mind pumped the brakes, he wasn’t ungrateful, but why did you give him your number?

On the way back home you second guessed your decision at least 30 times. Why did you give him your number? The only reason you could think of was that you didn’t want to not know the guy. Contrary to what your mind and your diary told you. Your heart didn’t want to give him up. Maybe it was selfish and confusing, who knew? But who cared?

Haruto’s excitement was cut short when he finished punching your number into his contacts. Before he could even send a message to you, his phone rang. Hanbyul.

“Hey Hanbyul, what’s up?”

Haruto became alarmed when he heard a sniff and a muffled sob. “Haruto, I miss him.”

Haruto sighed. “He’ll come around soon.”

“Is there nothing you can do to make him come around sooner?”

“Hanbyul. If all goes well he’s going to be my teammate. Plus, what could I possibly say to change things?”

“I don’t know. He probably thinks there’s something going on between us.”

Haruto paused. “Is that why you’re friends with me?”

“No, no I swear it’s not. You’re an amazing person and you’ve been an amazing friend.”

“Hanbyul.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I’m sorry.”

“I don’t like what you’re asking me to do. But you are my friend. If you’re really sure this is the way you want to go about it.”

“I’m- I’m not sure. I just need things to change.”

On the third day of tryouts Haruto was in a funk. And it showed. The events of yesterday night haunted him, he was happy to see you but he was sorry for Hanbyul. Haruto didn’t really like to fight with anybody, but he found her requests unreasonable and the questions she asked about you probing and uncomfortable.

It seemed as if Jeongwoo was the same way. Haruto gave into the niggling voice inside his head and said probably he shouldn’t have said. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

It pushed Jeongwoo off the edge and the two of them went at it. Haruto played ferociously and aggressively. As did Jeongwoo. The game ended when Jeongwoo illegally body checked Haruto.

“Dude what the hell is your problem?”

“No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

Valid. But Haruto wasn’t going to admit that. “Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

Haruto stood by as he and Jeongwoo got scolded for their behavior. Eventually, tryouts ended with neither one ending up on the varsity team. Haruto knew he probably should have been more bothered but he wasn’t. He had other things on his mind.

When Haruto exited the office he saw Hanbyul waiting outside. She turned to look away from Jeongwoo back to Haruto. Tired and hopeful that their saga would end, Haruto smiled and jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo. Hanbyul smiled and ran after Jeongwoo.

Since the fateful day you have Haruto your number. Whenever he had a free moment he would ask to see you. After each time you saw him, you thoroughly wrote down everything that had happened in the day. You didn’t want to forget.

A few Mondays ago, you went to get ice cream together. “What’s your favorite food, Haruto?”

“Me? Anything unhealthy.”

You whacked him on the arm for that.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“For being a stupid teenage boy. And because I’m jealous of your metabolism.”

A couple Thursdays ago, Haruto asked you if you wanted to go watch a movie with him. The Uber and the weather didn’t quite work out. “Sorry we missed the movie by 45 minutes. But on the bright side, it’s not raining anymore!”

You laughed. “I guess you’re right. What should we do instead now that we’re here?”

Haruto looked around. He pointed at the grassy meadow. “We should just lay down on the grass and look at the stars.”

“The grass is wet.”

“Look, they're selling plastic tarps over at that convenience store. Let’s just buy one.”

“Okay.”

Haruto paid for a plastic tarp and spread it down out on the grassy meadow. The two of you laid on the ground parallel to one another. Until Haruto turned to you “can I hold you?”

You felt your face flush and you looked away. You hesitated for a few moments but eventually Haruto smiled when he heard a soft “yeah.”

So he moved his arm as you lifted your head to rest on top of it. You curled into him as his arm wrapped around your upper body. Haruto’s stomach exploded in butterflies. Your face was on fire. But the two of you were happy, blissful.

Last Friday night Haruto asked you to come to one of his lacrosse games. “Y/N, this is my friend Hanbyul. Hanbyul, this is Y/N.”

“Y/N?” Hanbyul stared at you eyes wide. Like she knew something. She looked like she wanted to say something but she held it in. You wondered what it was, but decided not to think too much about it.

Hanbyul was sweet. She kept you company throughout the game. But she was an aggressive cheer-er. Most of her attention was spent yelling at the field. Her energy was contagious and by the end of the game you were standing on the bleachers cheering “Go Haruto!”

Now it was Saturday and the two of you had finally gone to see the movie that you had meant to see a couple Thursdays ago. You clasped onto the arm that Haruto had held out for you as you exited the movie theater. “That movie was so good! It was so crazy!”

Haruto laughed. “Yeah it was okay.”

“Just okay? You didn’t like it?”

“No, I liked it. It wasn’t bad. But I feel like there were better movies from this cinematic universe you know?”

“Yeah I guess.”

“Which one was your favorite?” Haruto asked.

“Huh?” You looked up at Haruto to see him looking down at you. You turned away. “Um. Would you wanna come back to my place?”

“Huh?” Haruto wasn’t normally caught off guard but this time he was.

“I mean. Not like that. I just, I don’t know I’m not ready for the night to end and I figured since my place is close by we could just go back and chat.”

Haruto smiled. “Yeah, that sounds nice. Let’s go.”

Soon after the two of you arrived at your place, Haruto got situated on the couch and after making sure he was properly settled in. You had gotten up to go fetch your drinks. Haruto spotted your notebook sitting on the edge of the coffee table. He glanced over to see that your attention was fully occupied on making your drinks. Haruto turned back to stare at the notebook. No. The notebook was staring at him. Haruto knew it was wrong. He knew he shouldn’t peek.

But he couldn’t help it. Every time he saw you he either saw the notebook with you or he saw you writing the notebook and every time he even remotely looked in its direction you guarded it with your life. This could be his only chance.

And so, Haruto grabbed the notebook. He flipped through it and saw that it was very meticulously dated. Upon closer inspection he noticed that each entry was timed as well and every timed entry had extensive details about what you saw, what you talked about. Then he flipped backwards and found one page not like the others.

This page wasn’t dated. Instead, it was titled. Haruto. Haruto’s eyes widened. Every line of his designated page was filled. There were things about him on there that even he hadn’t realized he had said. Why had you written all these things down? All these details didn’t seem that important to him. They were like things that were probably easily remembered. Or things you could ask him about, he’d answer if you ever asked him about.

Just as he was about to continue flipping through the pages of the notebook. “What do you think you’re doing?”

An index card fluttered out of the notebook right at Haruto’s feet. Haruto bent down to pick it up. But in a panic you kicked his shin and as he howled and grabbed onto his leg you snatched the card. “What the hell Y/N?”

“No. I should be asking you that. I’ve made it abundantly clear that this notebook is not to be touched. It’s incredibly private to me.”

“What is it? Why is it so important? I asked Hanbyul what it might be and she just said it was probably a diary. What is so special about yours?”

“What is so special about mine?” you were so angry you felt like your head was about to pop. While your head didn’t pop. Your mouth certainly did. “What is so special about mine? This notebook? This notebook. Is my memory. I don’t have a memory.”

You tossed the card at Haruto. He picked it up and read the words on the card as you spoke.

“At age 13 you were involved in a very traumatic car accident. The accident left you in a coma for two weeks. After you recovered from your coma you were diagnosed with anterograde amnesia. From that day on, you no longer have the ability to make memories. The memories you make within a day will only last until you fall asleep wherein your memories of the previous day will be wiped. Use your notebooks to keep track of your days. Use these notebooks to help you remember.”

You could hear your voice waver as you finished reciting the contents on the index card.

“Y/N, I-” Haruto said. The world seemed grayer and grimmer. Everything made so much sense now. Why every time he spoke to you in school you had to ask for his name. Why sometimes you looked confused or blank when he mentioned something or attempted to crack a joke.

“So now you know.” You whispered. You could feel your body start to heave, your breathing became heavy. The gravity of what you had just exposed started to weigh down on you. “You need to leave. You need to leave and never come back.”

“Y/N. I wish you would have told me.”

“Why?” You snarled. “Why would I tell you that? Each day I wake up I can’t even remember who you are. Why would I have told you anything? Just so you could go around pitying me? Telling everyone else about me? Absolutely not.”

Haruto started to feel tears well up in his own eyes. He felt trapped in his own body as he watched your body fail yours. When he saw you collapse something snapped in his head and he got up and picked you up. One arm held you under your shoulder blades and the other below your knees.

“Get. Out.” you said in between wheezes.

“No. Y/N. I’m sorry. I don’t want to. Let me help you.”

“Get. Out.” you said, barely conscious.

“Y/N. You’re scaring me. What do I do? How do I help you? Let me help you and I’ll leave you alone.”

Your eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. Honestly, you weren’t even sure what exactly was going on. Maybe it would be smart to have Haruto call your doctor before he left. “Emergency Numbers. Notebook.”

Haruto placed you down on your bed just as you had passed out. Haruto immediately ran back to the living room and grabbed your notebook that had fallen onto the ground. He flipped through it frantically. What page were the emergency numbers on? He saw them scribbled on the inside of the back cover. He grabbed his phone and dialed the first number listed at the top.

“Hello? Is this Y/N’s doctor? She’s just passed out and I don’t know what to do. I’m in her apartment right now. Someone please come help me.” Haruto hadn’t even realized that tears had been streaming down his face until he saw wet splotches appear on the notebook. He wiped them quickly and sniffed. “This is scaring me.”

“Yes, this is Y/N’s doctor. I’m on my way over. Who is this?”

“Haruto. I’m a friend of hers.”

“Haruto. You did good, son. Just wait. I’ll be there in a second.”

“Doctor. Is she gonna be okay?”

“Honestly I can’t tell you right now. I have to check up on her. Right now I’m in front of her door so you can let me in.” The call ended and Haruto opened the door.

“Is she in her room?” The stout man asked.

Haruto nodded and followed him back into your room. He tried to help the doctor but eventually the doctor turned to him and said “son, just relax. Give me some space. She should be fine. She had a panic attack, something must have worked her up. But she’ll wake up. But, it might be better if you aren’t here by the time she wakes up.

“I understand, doctor.”

The doctor took a good look at him. Then nodded grimly before turning his attention back to you. Before Haruto could leave though he saw a stack of index cards, a roll of washi tape, and a pen sitting on your desk. He was still holding your notebook from earlier. He grabbed the materials and headed back out to the living room.

Before he left he scribbled out a note. Then pulled something out of his wallet and taped it to the back of the index card. He then taped the index card to the inside of the front cover before shutting the notebook and leaving it in the middle of your coffee table. He held in a sob as he got up. How had things gone so sour so quickly?

Haruto walked back over to your room and peeked in. Your doctor was still busy doting on you. So he turned around and exited your apartment. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and called Junkyu. “Hey, can you pick me up?”

“Yeah of course. Send me the address.” Junkyu said, trying not to be too alarmed by the tone of Haruto’s voice.

Eventually, you woke up. After reading the note that your doctor had taped to your hand explaining the situation you took a deep sigh. What a shit show. You needed to find the notebook your doctor had mentioned in his note.

It was sitting in the very middle of your coffee table. You flipped through the last few pages to read your entries. Your eyes started to water and you felt yourself get emotional. You could sense that you had grown close to someone. You read about yourself and how you felt about Haruto, but who was Haruto? For the most part you had made peace with your situation but for the first time in a long time, you began to feel frustrated. Angry. Cheated of a normal life that other 16 year old girls got to live.

Just as you were about to shut the notebook you noticed there were two index cards taped to the inside cover. The first one explained your situation. It was more or less what your doctor had just explained to you. But the second one was new. You lifted it up to your face and began to read it aloud.

Y/N,

If you’re reading this, I want you to know that you are the love of my life. My name is Haruto Watanabe and I am 16 years old. I met you for the first time in our freshman year of high school back then when we lived in Japan. We were only 14 years old. I used to be jealous of you, how you beat me in school every time even if just by a little bit. I also resented you because I thought you never bothered to remember my name.

By some stroke of fate, we both ended up in America. Whether by fate or not we saw each other a few more times and met up with each other and I really began to fall for you. You are the kindest, most beautiful, and genuine person I have ever met in my life.

I want you to know that even with your condition. My opinion and my feelings towards you have not changed. I want to be honest with you and tell you what I did and I hope in time you can read this and not feel angry.

Y/N, I did something bad. I invaded your privacy. You see, every time I saw you you fiercely guarded this notebook. Everytime I asked about it or possibly glimpsed at it you would react so strongly so eventually the curiosity of needing to know what was in the notebook killed me. And one day when your attention was occupied elsewhere, I read it.

It seemed like a regular diary to me but you caught me in the act and got upset with me. You explained to me your condition and I want you to know I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry I behaved so insensitively. If I were a more selfless man I would have left your life for good. But I am not. I’ve attached my school I.D. to the back of this card. On it has my name, my picture, and my phone number.

If you ever find it in yourself to forgive me. Please give me a call. I will always love you.

Love,

Haruto Watanabe

You flipped the back of the card over. Sure enough there was a school I.D. taped to the back. You pulled the card off and stared at it. The boy in the picture was handsome. He was tall. His height was 6’2”. You scoffed, at least you had good taste.

You saw his phone number at the bottom. You pondered over whether or not to call him, what would you even say to him? Where would he even fit in your life?

These were the questions that ran through your mind as you pulled your phone out and dialed his number. You stared at the numbers as you recited them aloud again. Your thumb hovering above the green button.

[asthmark]

❝ 10 things i know about you ❞ l.jn

synopsis → there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

request → “if you're still accepting requests, can u make a domestic roommate!jeno? 🥺🥺 thank you and have a nice dayyy”

word count → 7.1k (bruhhh)

sharing an apartment with lee jeno isn’t ideal.

it’s not that he’s a lousy roommate or that you disliked him in any way; you just didn’t know him. you had first met through a mutual friend. they knew jeno was looking for someone to split rent with and that you happened to need a place to stay. they promised you he would give you privacy and assured jeno you were excellent roommate material. with that, arrangements were made and soon enough you moved in together. of course, it was a bit awkward at first but you two eventually got used to each other’s presence. although you were never in the same room for too long and oftentimes went days without speaking, you coexisted.

for a long time, you only knew a couple things about your roommate. for example, you were aware of his strong love for cats, especially his pet calico, seol. you also knew he kept the freezer stocked with pizza rolls that he would use as energy when he stayed up all night playing video games.

what you didn’t know, however, was that you would be spending the next couple months locked in your apartment with him. on top of that, you would begin to learn more things about him—his life, his personality, his feelings.

there are ten important things you learn about lee jeno during your time in quarantine.

       1. he’s a heavy sleeper.

at 10:28 in the morning you find yourself seated at the dining table in the kitchen, spooning froot loops into your mouth. as you stuff your face, you scroll through your phone for entertainment. you decide to open instagram first but you quickly find that to be a mistake. as soon as you open the app a picture of lucas and who you thought was his ex-girlfriend greets you. if that was bad, the caption hits you like a ton of bricks.

@lucas_xx444: should have never left you

in only five words, lucas has completely erased the months you spent dating. it meant nothing to him. sure, things hadn’t ended things the best way but going right back to his toxic ex and even admitting to missing her—now that was a new low. was this his way of getting back at you? his way of making you hurt just like he had throughout your entire relationship? the thought alone leaves you feeling sick.

you decide you’ve already had enough social media for one morning so you decide to check your messages instead. your friends usually left a couple of them overnight. to your surprise, you find that your main group chat has accumulated 241 messages.

[10:48 am] you: good morning i see u guys have been vry chatty

[10:49 am] yeji: ur finally awake!

[10:50 am] yuna: we thought u died lol

[10:50 am] lia: YUNA

[10:50 am] lia: NO

[10:51 am] ryujin: the timing for that joke could not be worse

[10:52 am] yuna: humor is my coping mechanism leave me alone

[10:52 am] you: ??? what happened

[10:53 am] chaeryeong: we left msgs for a reason dummy read them!!

[10:53 am] you: umm there’s over 200 and im not abouta read all that

[10:54 am] yuna: well then lemme break it down

[10:54 am] yuna: the world is ending :)

[10:55 am] you: welp it was about time

[10:55 am] lia: why r u guys like this

[10:56 am] yeji: there’s been a covid-19 outbreak and it’s spreading like wildfire so the government issued a stay at home order :/

[10:57 am] you: omg WHAT

[10:57 am] ryujin: ikr it’s crazy we literally can’t go anywhere

[10:57 am] chaeryeong: and we can’t get boba today either ;( i was so looking forward to that

[10:58 am] ryujin: let’s pls take a moment of silence for all the current and future boba dates that will have to be cancelled

[10:59 am] yuna: no way am i gonna let some wannabe flu make me go boba-less i’m still going out >:(

[10:59 am] lia: ...ur joking right

[10:59 am] yeji: what color casket do u want yuna?

before the groupchat can distract you any further, you place your phone down on the table. you sit back in your chair and let the newly revealed information sink in.

you were stuck inside.

you sigh before standing to clean your dishes. as you’re scrubbing away at your bowl, you feel something brush against your leg. you smile, not even having to look down to know it was seol. the cat would often wander into your room or sleep next to you when you watched tv on the couch. in fact, you were pretty sure you spent more time with seol than his owner.

you gaze at jeno’s room. as always, the door is shut. you wonder if you should let him know what was happening. you two usually kept your distance but you figured that the circumstance you found yourself in was an exception. you quickly dry your hand and shuffle towards his room.

you knock once, quite softly. you assume he’s asleep so you try again, this time a little harder. still, no avail. the third time you put even more force into it. by this time, seol has found his way beside you and claws at the door.

“jeno?” you knock a fourth time. “jeno! lee jeno!”

after more shouting accompanied by incessant meowing, you hear some muffled movement. moments later the door knob twists open and there stands your roommate with disheveled hair and a robe that had obviously just been thrown on his body. seol has taken the open crack in the door as an invitation inside the bedroom.

jeno blinks a couple times as he watches the feline get himself comfortable on his bed. he turns back to you, looking slightly disoriented. you’re not sure if he’s half asleep or your sudden presence has thrown him for a loop. his voice comes out raspy when he asks, “was he, um, bothering you or something?”

you shake your head, vigorously. “that’s not why i came. it’s just that my friends told me that there’s been some kind of virus outbreak and we’re supposed to stay home. so, i thought i’d let you know.”

his face softens. “oh, cool.” suddenly, the look changes. “not the virus thing! that’s totally not cool. i meant, it’s cool that you let me know and stuff. you just saved me a huge freak out so, uh, thank you.”

you smile and nod. “no problem.”

jeno’s eyes linger as you retreat back into your room down the hall. the sound of his door shutting is heard only once you’re out of his eyesight.

   2.    he can cook better than you.

most of the time, you would go out to eat dinner with your friends in the evenings or at least stop by a drive thru. obviously, this was no longer possible in the midst of a pandemic. you found that to be incredibly frustrating as you sat on your bed, stomach empty. no matter how badly you wished to fix it, your laziness had gotten the best of you. apart from that, you already knew how unlucky you were when it came to cooking—the memory of burning noodles at lia’s house one night had been permanently seared into your brain.

you almost believe your mind is playing tricks on you when you catch a whiff of pasta in the air. for a moment you think it’s your next door neighbor, taeyong, cooking again. you knew he was quite the chef. but, the smell is getting stronger by the second and you decide it must be in your apartment.

you wander into the kitchen, only to find jeno standing over the stove. he’s stirring red sauce in a pot when he notices you watching him.

“oh, hey,” he greets with a polite wave.

you can only stare at the rest of the kitchen—pots, pans, and ingredients all over the place—in utter awe.

he chuckles, awkwardly. “yeah, sorry about the mess. i’ve been told i’m a decent cook but i can never seem to get the tidiness down.”  

“no, it’s not that. this just all seems so... professional.” you sniff the air once more. “smells amazing, too.”

he smiles, sheepishly. “thanks. are you a fan of spaghetti?”

you nod.

“good. i wanted to make something you’d like.”

“you really didn’t have to,” you say, leaning against the fridge. “i mean, i’ve never done anything for you.”

he uncovers a pot to check on the pasta. you watch as hot steam rises out of it. “what about this morning?”

you can’t help but laugh. “that most certainly does not count. you’re making an entire meal. that takes a lot of effort.”

he waves a hand, dismissively. “i used to cook a lot with my old roommate, doyoung. the guy was an asian gordon ramsey, i swear. so, yeah, this is nothing too crazy. and i really do enjoy it.”

“well, i’m still gonna repay you.” you fold your arms.

he looks away from his dish to raise a brow. “is that so?”

you nod in confirmation. “definitely.”

“tell you what, if you wash the mountain of dishes that are gonna be left over, we’ll be even.”

you stare at the sink that’s already overflowing with dirty kitchen tools. that wasn’t even half of it. “uh, sure, sounds good.”

he laughs at hearing the uncertainty in your voice. “that’s the spirit.”

   3.    he’s allergic to cats.

the familiar sound of soft purring is what pulls you attention away from the movie playing on your laptop. already knowing exactly who it is, you launch yourself off your bed to allow your furry guest inside.  

“hey seol. what’ve you been up to?”

the calico meows, almost as if he were responding to your question. you close your door and go back to your original position. you notice seol sitting directly in front of your bed, looking up at you with wide eyes.

“come on up.” you pat your sheets, invitingly.

he obeys and stretches before laying down beside you.

“have you ever watched ‘avengers’?” you ask, eyes going back to the explosive fight scene on the screen.

this time, seol doesn’t even bother humoring you with a meow. he stays silent with his head tucked into his paws.

you scratch his head and his tail wiggles. “i’ve gotta stop asking you questions.”

both you and seol’s heads snap towards the door when you hear a knock.

“come in!” you call out.  

jeno swings open the door. his eyes briefly scan the room before landing on the furball on your bed. the unmistakable look of adoration shines in his eyes when he sees how lovingly you caress him.

“seol! what are you doing in here? bothering y/n?” the cat jumps off your bed and towards his owner standing in your doorway. jeno scoops him into his arms and faces you. “i’m so sorry. he saw me running a bath for him and bolted.”

“it’s all good. he’s a great movie buddy. besides, i could always use the company.”

jeno curiously glances at your computer screen. “is that ‘avengers’?”

“yep. i’ve seen it like a dozen times.”

“same here.“ he pauses. “hey, if you ever need a movie buddy—like you know, one that talks—just let me know.”

your face lights up. “i’m gonna hold you to that.”

”i hope so. well, if you’ll excuse me, i’ve gotta give this guy a bath.”

seol yowls as if he understands the meaning behind the words and attempts to escape jeno’s grip.    

“here we go again,” he mumbles under his breath.

you snicker at the sight. “looks like you could use some help.”

“oh, no. it’s fine. he can just be a little bratty someti—seol!”

in the blink of an eye, the feline has successfully hopped out of his arms and made a run for it.

jeno gives you an exasperated look before rushing off to catch his runway pet. you find yourself caught up in the excitement so you follow him, the two of you now in pursuit of the calico. you’re sure the image of you both chasing the fluffy animal around the apartment looks like something straight out of a comedy. even you and jeno can’t contain your laughter when he finally catches seol only for him to slip out of his hold a second later. this exact situation repeats itself a couple times before you finally get lucky.

“i got him!” you screech. “jeno! oh my god! what do i do?”

“bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!” he chants in response.

you head in that direction with jeno trailing behind you, ready to catch seol if he somehow manages to get out of your death grip. you bend over the bathtub, slowly lowering the cat into the water. it’s clear he doesn’t have a problem with making a fuss as he wails and flails his limbs around.

after a while, he finally calms down enough that you can lather him in shampoo. jeno insists on scrubbing him, arguing that you had already done way too much. you sit back on your heels, observing the way the seol leans into his delicate touches.

“looks like he likes it now.”

“he likes to make a big deal but he ends up enjoying it every—“ jeno cuts himself off with a sneeze.

“tissue?” you offer.

he shakes his head. “that’s okay, thanks. i’m used to it. i’m just surprised my allergies haven’t acted up ‘til now.”

“allergies?” you echo.

“yeah, i’m allergic to—“ another sneeze. “cats.”

your eyes widen. “really? and you still have seol?”

“i could never get rid of him. he’s too good of a boy. isn’t—“ sneeze. “that right?” he tickles seol under his chin.

“wow. you must really love him.”

“so much.”

“he’s lucky to have you.”

“what about you? you get both of us. doesn’t that make you the luckiest?”

you snort. “i guess it does.”

   4.    he makes a good shopping buddy.

“i have officially cooked everything we have.”

“i can order some takeout, if you want?”

he juts his lower lip out and gives you puppy eyes. “but i like to cook for you.”

you laugh at his expression. “oh god, you look like that one pouty emoji people use when they try to be cute.”

he sits up. “did it work?”

you nod and pinch his cheek.

he yelps. “ah, stop! you’re acting like my grandma!” he manages to get out of your grasp. he rubs his face, soothing the spots you had squeezed. “seriously, though, we really do need to stock up on food.”

“i’ve already been looking into it.” you show him the screen of your phone. “says here you can still go shopping as long as you wear a mask and try to stay six feet away from other shoppers.”

he cringes. “i don’t know if i like the idea of being so close to so many people.”

“i can go by myself, then,” you suggest with a shrug.

he doesn’t hesitate to deny you. “no way are you going alone.” his possessive tone has you staring at him curiously so he adds, “you know, in case you can’t reach something on the top shelf.”

the teasing comment paired with his innocent smile makes you gasp in disbelief. “lee jeno! that’s low! and to think i almost thought you were worried about me.”

“who said i wasn’t?” he smiles at you again before standing up. “i’m going to find us some masks and then we can head out.”  

once you arrive at your local grocery store, you find it to be packed. everyone seems to be in a hurry, grabbing things left and right.

“wow, it’s already gotten crazy,” jeno mumbles, stopping to stare at the flood of people that rush by.

you don’t hesitate to scold him. “well, don’t just stand there! we gotta get our stuff before there’s nothing left!”

without another word you slip into the frenzy of people. jeno struggles to stay behind you. after almost losing sight of you a couple times, he walks a little faster to catch up and places his arm firmly around your waist once he does. you look up at him, your mask covering your slightly agape mouth.

being the gentleman he is, he apologizes. “sorry but i don’t want us to get separated.”

you can only nod and mumble, “good idea.”

jeno pushes the shopping cart with his right hand and holds your figure with his left. once in a while, you’ll break apart from each other to grab an item you need but once it’s in the cart, he’ll make sure you end up in the same position. after an hour or so, you’ve grabbed enough and you decide it’s time to pay.

despite the mask she has on, you can tell the middle-aged woman behind the cash register has a big smile on her face once she catches sight of you and your roommate.

“well, just look at you two.” she sighs. “how cute.”

“oh.” you glance at her then jeno then her again. “oh, no. it’s not like that.”

you attempt to move yourself away from jeno only to find his grip to be so incredibly strong that you almost begin to think he’s trying to hold you in place. once you finally detach yourself from him, you begin loading your groceries onto the counter for the employee to scan. she does so, but not before giving you a displeased look.  

“oh really? he holds you like that because you aren’t together?”

jeno assists her in placing the scanned items in bags. “i didn’t want to lose her.”

she pauses scanning a can of tuna to stare him down. “darling, that sounds like a line from a cheesy hallmark rom-com.”

you can’t help but chuckle. “what he means is that there’s a lot of people here and we didn’t want to get separated.”

jeno adds, “desperate times calls for desperate measures.”

the woman adjusts her glasses. “well, you do certainly seem desperate to have her close to you.”

jeno doesn’t say a word as he continues bagging but his smile reaches his eyes.

   5.    he works out.

why did the pandemic have to hit in the middle of summer?

you often asked yourself this, complaining about how inconvenient it was. especially on the days that made your apartment feel like it was on fire. the days that required a thin tank top and shorts. even then, you found yourself to be drenched in sweat.

you sprawled your arms and legs farther on the sofa, the leather material proving to be very uncomfortable. it was either that or your bed with the warm cotton sheets that stuck to your body. just thinking about it brings you discomfort. the only relief you could think of was a cold shower. you would have already taken one if jeno hadn’t been hogging the one bathroom in the apartment.

“jeno!” you yell.

silence; other than the sound of the water running.

“lee jeno!”

the water stops, temporarily for him to shout back an answer. “what?!”

you wipe at the sweat that has accumulated on the bridge of your nose. “hurry up! i’m melting!”

the water starts back up again and you groan. hoping to distract yourself, you pull out your phone. the group chat with your friends is surprisingly silent so you go to instagram for some entertainment. this time, your ex-boyfriend’s post isn’t the first thing you see. it takes you some scrolling but you do end up seeing another one of his pictures.

it’s simply two intertwined hands with a black and white filter. you identify the one on the left as his and although you aren’t as familiar with the one on the right, it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it belongs to. contrary to the last, this photo has no cheesy words for a caption, just a red heart.  

but, your stomach doesn’t drop. you don’t feel hurt, either. obviously, you still don’t enjoy seeing him just because of all the awful memories that came with it but other than that, you feel unaffected by the image.

in fact, you feel so confident in yourself that you block him.

you’re surprised you hadn’t done it sooner. you had known you didn’t need him in your life any longer so why keep in contact? you feel like a huge weight has been lifted off your shoulders when you press the red button that would keep him and his girlfriend out of your life. you knew with your whole heart that you didn’t need to see either of them.

before, a bit if you had felt the need to keep an eye on him. to see how he was handling the breakup and torture yourself with the fact that he didn’t seem to care. now, you could say you truly didn’t either. you didn’t need him or his stupid pictures. you had other, better things.

your friends.

your cat (yes, you considered seol to be yours).

your roommate.

you had to admit, jeno was the best thing on that list. quarantine had brought you and him significantly closer and you were over the moon about it. he was so wonderful that you kicked yourself for having lived with him for so long without ever really getting to know him. but it was easy to say you two were making up for lost time seeing as you spent every waking moment together. the record long showers jeno took being an exception, of course.

the moment the door to the bathroom opens, you rush into your room and quickly grab an oversized t-shirt and loose pajama pants to change into after your shower. you nearly drop them when you’re met with jeno’s soaking figure in the hallway.

his hair is damp and you can clearly see how long it had become. his skin looks healthy and moisturized, lotion among other skin care products had probably been applied. what really has you in a shock is the fact that the towel barely hangs below his waist. the droplets of water that fall from his hair and down his neck trail down his chest and toned torso towards the only area he has bothered to cover up. his bulky arms are also slightly wet, his veins popping noticeably. he shakes his head in an attempt to rid his hair of any water. then he runs his fingers through it, his muscles flexing ever so slightly as he does so.

“dude!” you exclaim, without a second thought. “you’re ripped!”

he smiles, his round cheeks growing at the unexpected praise. the way he could have such a rugged body but soft-featured face puzzled you to no extent. “thank you. i lift sometimes.”

“sometimes?” you repeat. “don’t be so humble! you’re basically hercules!”

he clicks his tongue. “ah, c’mon. i’m just an athletic person.”

you keep admiring his physique. “clearly.”

“oh god,” he groans, obviously flustered. “you’re looking at me like you’re gonna eat me or something.”

you hold yourself back from making a less than appropriate innuendo. “no comment.”

his eyebrows shoot up in disbelief. “quarantine is really making you go crazy.”

you point a finger at him. “you try being stuck inside with your hot roommate!”

“trust me, y/n, i know all about hot roommates.”

you tilt your head, acting purposefully oblivious. “are you talking about doyoung?”

“what? no i—“ he sighs. “you know what, just take your shower.”

   6.    you can’t say no to him.

jeno ruffles his black locks with his hand and frowns.

you give him a disappointed look. “knock it off, you’re gonna get dandruff in your soup.”

he ignores your comment. “i look like a hobo.”

you pause, spoon halfway to your mouth. “this i know.”

“y/n, this is serious!”

“okay, okay. what’s the issue?”

“i already told you! i’m a bum!”

“you? a bum?” you pause to think about it. “i mean, mentally? maybe. but physically? no.”

“my hair, though. it’s so long.” he grabs a strand of it and pulls it to emphasize his point.

you shrug. “if having lots of hair is the standard for being a bum, i think most of the population is.”

“i want to cut it,” he announces.

“you should,” you say, pointing your spoon at him. “wanna know why? because if you mess up, no one will ever know. other than me, of course. but if you pay me enough i’ll let you forget it.”

he smiles at the joke for a moment before he leans forward and his face goes serious. “will you help me?”

“what? no way. i’ll mess up. and it’s only funny if you do it.”

he pouts. “please?”

you stir your soup around. “just watch some youtube videos. after three, you’re automatically a professional.”

“i want you.”

the statement has your neck snapping up from your bowl to him. the smug grin on his face lets you know that he was well aware of the double meaning behind his words. it was clear he was trying to fluster you enough to get a yes.

“you think you’re flirty enough to straight up brainwash me into doing stuff?”

“well, i wanted to say that to you anyway but... kind of?”

you feel a smile creep onto your lips at hearing the genuine tone in his voice. you down your last few spoonfuls of soup and quickly stand up. jeno looks up at you, eyes hopeful.

“finish your dinner. get the scissors. meet me in the bathroom.”

not even ten minutes later, jeno practically dances into the bathroom, a pair of red craft scissors in his hand. he sits on top of the toilet lid, figuring that’d be the easiest way for you to reach him. you walk in moments later.

“i’m pretty sure we’re not supposed to be using these types of scissors for hair,” he mumbles as he hands you the sharp utensil.

you twirl them in your hand. “oh, definitely not. do you want to wait then?”

he shakes his head, his shaggy bangs swaying with the movement.  

“alright, let’s get this going then.” you thread your hands through his thick locks to collect some of it in between two of your fingers. you bring the scissors forward and snip the small amount just to test the waters.

you slowly begin to get more comfortable and once you feel like you’re in your element, things begin to speed up. you move and cut faster but with efficiency. you do the spots on the back of his head and work your way forward. when it finally comes time to touch up his bangs, your small bathroom proves to be an inadequate spot to be doing this.

you end up standing balanced inches above jeno’s thighs that he’s pressed together tightly in an attempt to give you more room. you’re constantly readjusting your stance and when he notices, his hands go to your hips. you know he’s just trying to help you stay upright so you do a decent job but you still inhale sharply at the feeling of his hands on you.

not long after, you’re standing next to jeno as he inspects himself in the mirror. his fingers flick his newly shortened bangs around.

“not bad.” he tilts his head in a new angle and nods. “looks super good to me.”

you tuck the scissors into your back pocket with a relieved sigh. “oh thank god. i didn’t want to tell you before we started but i only watched two youtube tutorials on trimming hair.”

he runs a hand through his hair with a chuckle. “now that’s truly worthy of praise. and a tip.”

you raise a brow. “oh yeah? what’s th—“

he cuts you off by pressing a chaste kiss to your forehead. he pulls back and drags his thumb over the skin that has come into contact with his lips. “thanks again.” with that, he leaves you standing in the bathroom, eyes wide and face warm.

   7.    he has six best friends.

“can i borrow your laptop?” asks jeno, from outside your door, nearly breathless.

you look up from your book. “uh yeah, sure.”

he rushes in your room and takes the item off of your dresser. “do you happen to have zoom on it?”

you shake your head and he groans. without another word, he disappears, running off into the living room. you hear his frustrated sighs as the minutes pass and he attempts to download the application. you finally decide to go check it out once it becomes too much to bear.

“it sounds like you’re in pain over here,” you comment.

he runs a hand through his hair. “i’m supposed to meet with my friends through a zoom call but it’s so complicated.”

you put a hand on your hip. “bet you five bucks i’ll be able to get it in five minutes.”

“are you kidding? i might be technologically challenged but i’m not stupid. i know you can do it fast, just help me out already, would you?”

“alright, grandpa.”

you type and click away at the screen, jeno watching you do so, entranced but equally as lost.

“well, i was wrong,” you say after a couple moments, leaning back in your chair.

“you couldn’t get it?” asks jeno, worriedly.

“no, it’s not that.” you click something on the screen and the app opens. “turns out i could do it in three.”

he rolls his eyes and shoos you out of the chair. he sits down and enters the code and password for the zoom meeting. it takes a minute, but he finally connects. you count six other people in the call. they all immediately cheer at seeing jeno and you hear them excitedly exclaim his name.

“hey guys,” he says, a smile already reaching his eyes. “it’s so good to see your faces.”

they all nod to agree. you get a good look at each one of them and realize they’re all boys. your eyes read over each of their display names.

mark me in ur heart

hyuckie~~~

moomin enthusiast

nananananana

chnele

lil huddy

“nice name, jeno,” ‘moomin enthusiast’ guy comments, snickering slightly. “glad to see you finally came to terms with it.”

‘jenojam’, his name reads. the rest of the group laughs, also teasing him about it. you assume it’s some kind of inside joke.

the self proclaimed ‘lil huddy’ furrows his eyebrows. “wait, did you choose that name yourself?”

jeno simply nods in response.

he glares into the camera. “donghyuck, you told me i had to put this as my name or else it wouldn’t let me connect!”

donghyuck—or ‘hyuckie~~~’, you presume—shrugs. “oops. guess i was wrong.”

you laugh at the humorous exchange. it seems like the sound has drawn some attention to you when ‘nananananana’ speaks up, eyes trained on you.

“um jeno? don’t you want to introduce your guest?”

jeno beams, dragging you closer into the frame. “i’m sure you all know about my roommate. say hi, y/n.” 

you do so, waving and smiling politely at the group.

“you know, even though we used to always hang at jeno’s, i don’t think we’ve ever actually seen your face,” ‘chnele’ says, tilting his head.

you agree. “me neither. i’ve mostly just heard you guys.”

the ‘mark me in your heart’ boy sheepishly rubs his neck. “sorry. we tend to be a little loud.”

‘chnele’ lets out a high pitched screech of a laugh. “only a little?”

“i recognize that laugh!” you blurt. “i would hear it all the time!”

”that’s our little dolphin,” coos ‘hyuckie~~~’.

“oh god, stop. i hate that stupid nickname.”

“it’s well deserved.”

“i think you should apologize to y/n for being a nightmare to her eardrums.”

“and ours, for that matter.”

“what about all your little freestyles? i’ve had to sit through hundreds of them and i never got an apology!”

“because they’re not bad! could you do any better?”

“you’re a soundcloud rapper, i think anyone could.”

jeno turns to you as the bickering on screen gets louder and louder. “this is gonna be a long call.”

once the group has moved on from roasting the life out of each other, you’re able to engage in some good-natured conversation. jeno teaches you the names and the other basics about the group. some points that stand out about the group is that mark is the oldest, renjun specializes in contemporary dance, jaemin inhales six cups of coffee on the daily, and chenle is insanely rich.

“what about jeno?” you ask them. “anything i should know about him?”

“he’s allergic to cats but the idiot still adopted—“

“she already knows about that, renjun,” jeno chuckles.

“oh. well. that’s pretty much the only interesting thing about him.”

jisung pipes up. “oh wait! he works out religiously too!”

you and jeno share a look. you burst into laughter and he simply glances away, slightly embarrassed. “oh yeah, i know that all too well.”

“and what about the unhealthy cooking obsession?”

you nod at mark’s question. “that too. he cooks dinner almost every night around here.”

renjun purses his lips. “he already cooks for you? wow. he must really like you.”

“you think?” jaemin asks. “didn’t you read any of the messages in the group chat? he’s practically in love with her. his words, not mi—“

“okay! i think it’s time for us to go! bye guys!” jeno doesn’t even give you a chance to say your own goodbye before he’s clicking the ‘end call’ button in the bottom right corner.

you give him a confused look. “what was that all about?”

“they’re crazy.” he laughs. “well, if you need me i’ll be in my room screaming into my pillow for the next couple hours.” he dashes off leaving you standing alone, trying to comprehend what had happened.

   8.    he‘s a great listener.

jeno has officially replaced seol as your movie buddy, not that you have a problem with it. you thought it was nice to have someone you could actually converse with but of course, you make sure seol still sits in.

“what i’m saying is that iron man just wants to protect his team.”

“well, if they sign the accords, they basically surrender themselves to the government.”

“and?”

“you don’t see a problem with that? see, captain america knows what he’s doing. he’s literally an avenger—“

“so is iron man!”

“let me finish! so, he’s an avenger, right? he has the best judgment because he’s saved the world countless times. he knows how to operate his team and do the right thing.”

“okay but there’s casualties. and that’s what iron man is trying to fix.”

“how do you save the world and not have casualties?”

“you just—“ your phone rings mid argument and you raise your finger towards jeno. “this isn’t over.” you put the phone to your ear, not bothering to check the caller id. “hello?”

“sweetheart?”

you feel a chill go up your spine. was it him? no, it couldn’t be. you had blocked his number shortly after you did so on all your social media.

“baby, don’t be so shy. i know you’re there.”

you can’t hold back. “please don’t call me that.”

he chuckles, breathlessly. “oh, c’mon. you used to love it. you still do.”

“no, i don’t. actually, i don’t want to hear your stupid pet names or stupid voice or see any of your stupid posts. just go bother your girlfriend and leave me alone.”

you notice jeno perk up beside you out of the corner of your eye. he must have been caught off guard by your irritated tone.

as always, lucas is unaffected by you. “i’m being nice and giving you a second chance. i even called you behind soyeon’s back.”

“is that something i’m supposed to reward you for?” you scoff. “congratulations, you’re now awful, toxic, and a cheater.”

he growls. the sound was familiar. in your relationship, if you heard it you knew he was going to snap at you until he had the satisfaction of making you cry. “i know you miss me so don’t say things you’re going to regret later. because even when you’re back in my arms, i won’t let you forget it.”

the thought of being back with him made you feel icky. but the fact that he sincerely thought you would crawl back to him set your entire body on fire. “are you joking? i was always aware of the fact that you treated me like the dirt you walked on but do you seriously think that lowly of me?”

you’re rendered speechless and apparently, so is he because the other line stays silent.

“i wouldn’t go back to you if you were the last person on earth,” you spit. “you treated me horribly, wong yukhei. i won’t ever forget it. move on. i have.”

you glance at jeno, his expression more serious than you’ve ever seen it. his eyebrows are furrowed and his eyes are trained on your cellphone. the glare he gives the device is so strong you wouldn’t be surprised if even lucas could feel it, wherever he was.

you hang up and block the number, wishing to never talk to him again. you toss your phone onto the sofa with an exasperated sigh. you find jeno’s gaze to still be focused intensely on it.  

“if you gave lucas that look, i’m pretty sure he’d cry.”

he breaks his concentration, eyes going to you instead. his entire face softens. “all i’m going to say is he better pray we never cross paths.”

“well, if you happen to, call me up. i wouldn’t mind helping you beat the crap out of him.”

jeno chuckles for a second then lowers his voice to a whisper. “he was really bad to you, huh?”

you nod. “he messed me up. i hate to admit it ‘cause i know i was stupid to stay with him for as long as i did.”

your roommate shakes his head. “don’t say that. it’s not your fault he messed up the best thing that would ever happen to him.”

“i thought i was the problem for so long, jeno. i was so blinded by love. then, i realized there was no way he truly cared for me when he treated me like i had no heart to be broken.”

jeno scoots towards you and rubs soothing circles into your arm. “you have such a big heart. and i can’t tell you how sorry i am that he took advantage of that. i’m sorry that you were stuck with someone so insecure and ignorant. please, don’t think about him anymore.”

you hold in your tears. you refused to cry over someone like lucas. “i know. i try so hard not to.”

jeno holds your head into his chest. his arms are placed securely on your back. “oh, baby.”

when jeno uses this pet name on you, it feels so completely different from lucas. you could tell me meant it. he wasn’t using it to make you stay a little longer, to assure you he loved you. strangely enough, you do not need to be convinced of that. you feel like you have known it for a long time.  

   9.    he likes to be the big spoon.

you’re not sure how he’s done it but you end up falling asleep in jeno’s arms. you assume it had been so long since you had been cradled and rocked so delicately that the foreign yet extremely delightful sensation knocked you right out. even seol is deep in sleep, laying down peacefully at your feet.  

you relish in the feeling of jeno pressed right into your back. he fits so perfectly against you that it reminds you of a puzzle piece. to be exact, the moment when you connect the last two pieces and the full picture becomes complete. that was how you felt—complete.

with jeno’s soft breaths tickling the back of your neck and his soft snores filling your ear, you know there’s nowhere else you’d rather be. his arm that is wrapped around you makes sure you can’t escape his embrace. you are positive that even if you had the liberty of doing so, you would stay exactly where you were.

you lean farther back into your pillow, closing your eyes. you let every thought fade away as you try to fall back asleep as soon as possible. you wanted the moment you found yourself in to last as long as possible.

   10.    he has feelings for you.

jeno mumbles sweet nothings into your ear as he toys with your hair.

it just seemed right to him. like something he was meant to do with you. he had seen these types of things in films and shows before. it was intimate and touching, the scenes were always meant to tug at the audience’s heart strings and show how in love the two characters were. perhaps, even though you lay asleep in his arms, he wants you to finally know.

“honestly, being inside with you all the time is kind of the best. i know the whole virus situation is less than ideal but being able to spend so much time with you... that’s all i could ask for.” he pauses. “isn’t it so crazy how before this we were all weird and awkward around each other? well, i guess we still kind of are. that’s mostly my fault so... sorry. i just don’t know how to act around you sometimes. we’re barely getting close and i’m already this attached to you. as jisung would so kindly say, ‘i’m simping’.” he chuckles to himself. “all jokes aside, i really do like you. ever since you moved in here all cute and nervous, you’ve taken your own little place in my heart, as cheesy as it sounds. and these past few weeks, you just keep on taking up more and more room in there. not that i have a problem with it. i just...” he stops as if he doesn’t know how else to express his feelings. “really, really like you.”

“thanks.”

you feel him jolt then abruptly stop stroking your hair. there’s silence until he asks, “you don’t happen to be a sleep talker, do you?”

you shake your head.

“and did you hear like, a lot of what i said?”

“only the important stuff. like how awkward you are and how much you like me.”

“o-oh.”

“but don’t worry. it’s mutual.”

you feel his relieved breath hit the skin of your neck. “that’s the best thing i’ve heard all day.”

you tilt your head back and stare at him, confused. “what, did you seriously think i wasn’t into you?”

he shrugs. “i was too busy simping, i guess.”

you can’t contain your laughter at the use of the slang. “park jisung would not be proud.”   

[sevlgi]

how it feels

requested: no

group: stray kids

pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader

genre: fluff, slight angst

contents: high school!au but there’s not much school involved, best friend!hyunjin, mutual pining, hyunjin’s a hopeless romantic

warnings: none

synopsis: comforting your best friend after a breakup usually doesn’t involve making him fall in love with you, but both of you just want to know what it feels like.

a/n: yes hello please enjoy this fic that i’m randomly dropping in the middle of my hiatus 🙃 i’ll hopefully be able to write a gg fic of some kind for y’all soon! the ending of this is so fucking lazy, sorry

word count: 5.3k

“Why, Y/N? Can’t she just tell me why?”

“I know,” you comfort, rubbing your best friend’s back as he sniffles with his knees up to his chest. It’s hard to see him in the darkness that’s brought by the blanket resting over the both of you like a tent, but in the glow of Hyunjin’s phone, you can see the tear tracks on his face. “I’m sorry, Jinnie.”

He pouts and scrubs yet another tear off his cheek, lamenting, “Why can’t I never fall in love with someone who loves me back? We’re only in high school, it shouldn’t be this complicated.”

Dabbing at his face with a tissue, you sigh, “I guess you have bad luck. Or bad judgement, could be both. There are plenty of people who are dying to love and appreciate you, you know, you’re the one who never spares them a glance.”

Hyunjin shakes his head. “No, those people only think I’m the long-haired guy from the dance team. They would treat me the same,” he frowns tearily. “I just want someone who likes me first.”

It always goes this way for him, you know-- you’ve seen it too many times, the stages of your best friend falling in love with someone who leads him on, enjoys his company for a while before dumping him and his expectations in the dirt. Maybe it’s the undeniable pressure to be the perfect partner that Hyunjin wants more than anything, or maybe he just always ends up liking assholes. But either way, it’s carnage for Hyunjin’s heart, and he never gets used to it no matter how many  times it happens.

He’s too sensitive and warm-hearted for his own good, so all he can do after the latest breakup is cry into his favorite pillow on a Tuesday night. If you weren’t so willing to immediately come to comfort him, Hyunjin would’ve been doing it alone, too, and he would’ve cried for far longer than he has.

“Who do I go to prom with now?” he questions sadly, breaking you from your recollections about the many times you’ve done this before.

Unfortunately, all his question does is make you laugh. “It’s a serious question!” Hyunjin protests, scowling at you.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” you say, still chuckling. “I mean, would it be so bad to go to prom with a friend? I’m sure Yeji- wait never mind, not Yeji… I’m sure someone would go with you for appearances’s sake. Or if you don’t mind, just ask Lix, he’s too nice to say no even if he wanted.”

“That doesn’t make me feel better,” he says, flopping back onto his bed. The clock by his bedside reads 2:33 am, and you can already feel your physics final cursing you. “I want to go with someone I feel something for, you know? It’s our prom, Y/N, I want to feel the prom-ness of promposals and picking out outfits and all that with someone I love.”

You shake your head and push his knee lightly. “Unfortunately, most people our age haven’t even been in love yet, so I doubt many people can help you feel it. But you know what I’m feeling right now?”

“Please don’t say pancakes,” Hyunjin groans, “I’m not waking my parents up to teach us how to use the stove again.”

Throwing a pillow at him, you roll your eyes, “I feel tired, dumbass. And we have finals tomorrow, so how about we invite our friends out to get boba afterwards so we can find you a prom date? You can complain all you like about how the three weeks before prom happens are too short to fall in love, yadda yadda.”

“Fine. But don’t mock me, my many feelings are perfectly valid,” your best friend warns you, and rolls over to turn the light off.

Seungmin frowns when Hyunjin finally shows up at the entrance of the school’s closest boba shop, looking slightly disheveled from dance practice. “Finally. You’re annoying, and late.”

“Jeongin’s later,” Hyunjin objects, plopping down in the spot next to you and accepting the drink you hold out to him. The amount of mango yogurt with boba he drinks is definitely unhealthy (and expensive), but he’ll only groan more about his breakup if you didn’t get it for him. “Why do you literally never complain about him?”

“Jeongin’s cute, and you aren’t.”

The long-haired boy scoffs and sips at his drink sulkily as Felix returns with his own order. “Oh, hey, Hyunjin. I didn’t see you arrive,” Felix smiles sunnily. “Jisung’s not coming today, by the way. Something about having to stay for detention.”

You raise your eyebrows at that new piece of information. “Really? For what?”

“Playing a song entitled ‘Fuck You Bitch’ in Bio, I believe.”

Seungmin snorts in laughter, sighing fondly, “Sounds like him. Anyway, I heard we’re here to solve the problem of Hwang Hyunjin’s prom date. Or… lack thereof?”

“You’re so mean,” your best friend groans. 

Ignoring him, you clasp your hands on the table and lean in conspiratorially. “I doubt any of you haven’t heard at this point, but he got dumped, for lack of a better word, and now, like the rest of us, Hyunjin has no prom date. But unlike us, he actually still wants one.”

“I’ll go with you,” Felix offers, still chewing on the straw in his mouth.

You elbow Hyunjin, who pushes you back before responding. “Thank you, Lixie, but like I explained to Y/N, I want to go with someone I’m in love with. I want to know how it feels, you know?”

“I don’t know,” Seungmin deadpans. At Hyunjin’s crestfallen expression, though, he says, “I mean, we can definitely try, but I feel like the rest of the people left in this school are either too young or not your type. And is 3 weeks really enough for you to be ‘in love again’?”

“Knowing me, maybe…? But I think I’d need to know the person already,” your best friend pouts.

Jeongin arrives then, conveniently missing most of the conversation before he squishes in on the end of the booth. “Well, you better not try to fall in love with me,” the youngest grins.

“I’d never pick you,” Hyunjin jabs back. “But out of the people I do know…”

“I volunteer,” you joke.

Your friends snicker, thankfully, but the boy sitting right next to you turns with a thoughtful expression on his face. “Actually…”

“I don’t like that expression,” Jeongin narrows his eyes.

“I think I could fall in love with Y/N in 3 weeks,” Hyunjin says nonchalantly, as if it’s nothing. He completely ignores all the shocked expressions around him.

In truth, as easy as Hyunjin falls in love, he’s also incredibly easy to fall for. You’d never admit it to him, but you have loved him before, with the kind of burning passion that he somehow has with every one of his relationships.

You’re over it, and you have been for a long time, but him saying that maybe he could love you so very easily makes it all come back up to the surface. “For real?” Felix questions.

“I mean, I don’t like you yet--” your heart falls (stupidly)-- “but I think I could.”

“So… what do you want me to do?” you ask.

Hyunjin smiles, so pure and beautiful that you wonder how his girlfriend just left him, and says, “I want you to help me figure out how it feels to really be in love.” He scrambles to interrupt Seungmin, whose mouth is opening. “It’s just three weeks before prom. We’ll just feel happy together, none of the other shit--”

“You are so cheesy,” Jeongin interjects. “And I think you’ve watched too many dramas. Did you pause to think how Y/N feels about your plan?”

You appreciate your younger friend’s considerateness, but the guilty expression on Hyunjin’s face prompts you to say, “I mean, I don’t think I could like you like that, so… sure. I’ll help you.”

“Really?” All three of your friends ask as they turn to you. 

“Yeah,” you shrug. “What, you fall in love with me in three weeks for prom, I don’t reciprocate, but we move on as friends? I think it’ll be fine.”

“It never works like that though,” Seungmin doubts. He isn’t as cynical as he seems, but in the presence of overly-optimistic Felix and Hyunjin, he and Jeongin always end up as the voice of reason. Usually, you’re with them, but this time, you’re the one enabling the idiocy of the new plan.

Hyunjin grins, “Then we’ll make it work like that.”

With the amount of time that passes before Hyunjin mentions his plot again, you almost forget about it. The first week is normal in a way that makes you nervous-- you hang out like normal, doing homework in the library with your friends as Minho harrasses Chan, eating lunch wherever you can find a spot. There isn’t really time to be alone, just the two of you, and you aren’t sure how Hyunjin is supposed to ‘fall in love’ with you if it’s just normal.

Of course, it doesn’t last long.

It takes a while for it to set in that when Hyunjin asks you to go watch a drive-through movie with him, it isn’t just so he can show off his brand-new car. It’s a date, and it’s stated painfully clearly in his text from the night before.

However, you don’t realize it until you’re literally getting into his car in front of your house.

“Wait. This is a date, isn’t it?”

Hyunjin chuckles nervously, looking over at you in the passenger seat, and you notice for the first time that he’s put on a bit of makeup, and his car doesn’t smell like Jisung’s hot cheetos for once. “I mean, yeah. I meant it when I said I wanted you to help, and I thought you did too? It doesn’t have to be one if you’re backing out, though, it’s totally fine.”

“I’m not backing out,” you shake your head. You really aren’t-- so far, nothing has happened that would make you want to back out yet, and no freshman-year feelings for your best friend have resurfaced just yet. “I just forgot. You know me.”

“Yeah, I know your goldfish brain,” Hyunjin teases, setting the car in motion. There’s lo-fi playing, and he’s a good driver, so you relax. “You forget everything.”

“I do not! You’re the one who has to be reminded of everyone’s birthday but mine,” you protest. If he wasn’t driving, you would shove him, and you remind him of that, to his dismay.

Hyunjin hums as soon as the two of you fall into comfortable silence, your foot tapping lightly to the music, and with the sun setting on the distant horizon, it’s so familiar. You try to interrupt the peace anyway. “So, what movie are we seeing?”

“10 Reasons I Hate You,” he answers. “It’s a classic, and you haven’t seen it.”

“And you love romcoms,” you finish.

He doesn’t protest, only sending you a small smile. You’re pulling into the theater already anyway, in one of the better rows to watch the movie as Hyunjin turns his radio on and starts fiddling with it. “There’s snacks in the backseat,” he offers, to no surprise.

They’re some of your favorites, though there are also the chips that he can’t live without. There’s a blanket, which drapes awkwardly over the cupholder between the two of you, and a bottle of juice that you place in his lap immediately. “You like watermelon juice more than I do.”

“Thanks,” he says quietly, almost surprised.

You scowl and poke him, allowed to now that you’re safely parked and waiting for the movie to begin. “Don’t act all shocked, we’ve been friends since orientation and I’ve spent more than half my paychecks getting this damn juice for you.”

“Mean,” Hyunjin protests, but he hands you your favorite soda from under his seat anyway. “And shut up, it’s starting.”

He seems to know the intro to the movie, smiling when the first line of dialogue sounds, all crackly over the shitty radio, and you eventually stop staring at him to watch the movie instead. Of course, you can’t keep yourself from asking, “Why do you like romcoms so much, anyway? You’ve never explained to me, for all the ones I’ve watched with you.”

“I like happy endings, I think,” the long-haired boy responds after a short pause to think. “Not to be dramatic, but I haven’t had one yet, so maybe watching other people being happy makes me happier too.”

You nod, taking it as a perfectly acceptable answer. Knowing how sentimental your best friend is, it’s nowhere near a stretch, either, being something that just fits with his personality.

He talks occasionally to tell you a little tidbit that he knows: by the end, you’ve learned about how it’s a modern adaptation of a rather misogynistic Shakespeare play, how the entire movie was shot without sets, and how the scene of Kat reading the poem was the first take. It’s interesting, of course, but you’re more captured by the way Hyunjin’s smile glints in the weak light filtered through the car windows.

The sky is dark when the credits roll and Hyunjin reaches for the steering wheel, almost too dark for you to see anything outside when you’re driving back to your house.

“So? How was it?”

“How was what?” you ask, moving your hands around vaguely. “The snacks? The movie? The date?”

“All of the above?” Hyunjin says hesitantly.

You answer immediately, “It was perfect. You knew that, though.”

“I didn’t really. I mean, I’ve never taken you on a date,” he muses. “And plenty of the people I’ve dated before weren’t even willing to watch a rom-com with me.”

“Then that’s their problem,” you say. “Anyone who isn’t willing to watch a rom-com with you is just an asshole, and I stand by that.”

Hyunjin smiles sweetly. You’re parked by the curb in front of your house at this point, so it’s slightly more easy to see the silhouette of your friend’s face. “That’s nice of you. I dunno though, I wouldn’t want to label everyone who doesn’t like romcoms as an asshole.”

“That’s not what I mean.” You shift a little bit to face him, pausing before you explain, “I think that if someone is so unwilling to try something that means so much to the person they like, then they don’t really like them.”

“I guess. You know, there’s another reason why I like romcoms so much.”

You don’t speak, waiting for Hyunjin to explain. And he does. “I think romcoms give me hope,” he nods. “Like… they make me think that anything’s possible, not just happy endings. Maybe the person who I don’t even have a chance with secretly likes me back, you know?”

“I can’t really imagine someone who wouldn’t like you if you liked them, but I think I get it,” you smile.

“At least you try. See you at school next week?”

“Come on, we both know that Binnie’s dragging all of us out to beat Chan’s ass at bowling,” you sigh, taking it as a sign to open your car door. 

Before you make it completely outside, though, Hyunjin’s hand rests on your wrist. “Y/N, thanks for tonight.”

“Anytime,” you respond breathlessly, closing the door a little louder than you probably should.

You do mean it.

“Remind me again why we have to go prom outfit shopping together?”

Hyunjin pouts, peering in the window of yet another shop. His arm rests gently on your shoulder despite the way you jokingly pushed it off at the beginning of the day, but you really don’t mind. “Isn’t it cute to have matching prom outfits? We should be color-coordinated in some way.”

“I mean, sure… but isn’t online shopping just easier?” you ask, raising your eyebrow. “It’s the 21st century, Jin.”

“You’re so unromantic,” he groans, and finally pushes the door open to a thrift store to lead you inside.

You wrinkle your nose at the heavy smell of perfume that hits you as soon as you step inside. “And you watch too many movies. You’ve known me for almost four years, you aren’t going to have some magical moment where you realize you like me just because I put on a sparkly outfit of some kind.”

“Who knows? Maybe you’ll suddenly think that you love me when you see me in a tux,” Hyunjin grins.

You don’t respond to that, and he doesn’t push it, taking it as just another joke of his. Of course he doesn’t know about freshman year, and he definitely doesn’t know about how you still aren’t sure if that crush ever subsided. He shouldn’t know. 

He’s too picky to pick something at the first store, you know, so you just follow him around as he flicks through things that are either too fitted or too loose, too patterned or too plain. 

It takes three stores for him to finally something that he likes, and he appears from the dressing room with a gorgeous grin on his face. “What do you think?”

“It’s… good. I mean, you look good,” you clarify. Of course Hyunjin looks perfect in anything, but the dark navy jacket over the patterned button-down he was already wearing just seem like they were a combo meant for him. 

He isn’t satisfied with your response, towering over you as you slump lower in the chair. “Just good?”

“Hot. Stunning, beautiful, sexy-- is that what you want to hear?” you respond sarcastically.

“That’s exactly it!”

Rolling your eyes, you pick up your things from the chair and say, “Then we’re done? Are you picking this one?”

“Yeah, but what about you?” Hyunjin asks. “Do you already have something, or are we going to get something? I’m still waiting for my kdrama moment, you know.”

You definitely don’t have something at home, but you don’t think you could bear being on the receiving end of the drama moment that your best friend so desperately wants. Something about having him suggest something for you to wear, reacting as dramatically as you know he will, just won’t allow your old feelings for him to sit still.

“I’m good. Let’s check out, and get some ice cream?” you offer to placate him.

Hyunjin grins and offers his arm to you again, practically skipping to the checkout. “Sounds perfect to me.”

“Y/N, what the hell do I wear on a date?”

“How should I know?” You sound listless, flicking through one of the mangas that one of Changbin’s friends left as his house.

“You literally went on a date with your freshman year crush last week and then picked a prom outfit with him,” your friend scowls, tossing a shirt at your face. It’s clean, thankfully, but you still chuck it back at him.

“In my defense, I forgot that it was a date,” you respond, “and shut up about the ‘freshman year crush’ thing. I never would’ve told you if I knew you would use it against me like this.”

Changbin throws yet another piece of clothing in your direction, narrowly missing your face, and you raise a pillow to threaten him with. “You got me into this mess with Felix in the first place, so I think it’s even.”

“It’s not a mess if it’s what you asked me to do,” you complain, “and besides, you wouldn’t stop talking about this date for the past week despite it literally just being something we do together all the time.”

“I like Felix, I don’t like you.”

“Then I’m leaving you to agonize over your collection of colorful track pants on your own,” you warn, and he subsequently shuts up. “There we go. Don’t wear one of those, by the way, even though Felix wouldn’t say a single thing about it.”

“How was the date, by the way? And the three-year-old feelings?” Changbin asks as he continues to dig in his closet.

You hesitate. “It was… nice? Hyunjin knows way too much about Julia Stiles, but he was super enthusiastic and the movie was pretty good. He got the good snacks, too.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he sighs. 

“Then what did you mean, Mr. ‘I Love Lee Felix With My Whole Tiny Brain’?” you challenge.

Changbin doesn’t take the bait, unfortunately. “Jeongin told me about the whole plot you and Hyunjin have going on. Are you really dumb enough to think that you can get him to love you without falling for him again, and then leave him after it?”

There’s no way to respond to his question without making a complete fool out of yourself, and so, you simply don’t. Apparently in one of his more coherent moods, Changbin continues on, “I’d say that you watched too many movies, but I’ve seen you avoid Hyunjin’s movie nights. What the hell is going on with you?”

“I mean, have you seen the way he looks when he wants something?” you answer unintentionally. “Obviously you weren’t with us at the at the boba shop, but I’m serious. I couldn’t say no to him, especially when he’s heartbroken.”

“What does he look like?” Changbin asks.

You sigh, “He… his eyes get kind of shiny, almost like he’se about to cry but not really like that. And I don’t really know, he just looks like he’d be sad if you said no but wouldn’t talk about it, and that’s the part that makes you want to say ‘yes’.”

“It sounds to me like your three-year-long crush is still here, then,” your friend replies. “Because I have never felt that way about Hyunjin before, but I know what expression you’re talking about.”

Staring at him like he’s grown two heads, you realize that he’s wearing a jean jacket that shouldn’t have taken so much time to pick out. “That’s a stupid conclusion.”

Changbin shrugs and picks his phone up on his way out. “You can think about it as stupid if you want, but I’m usually not wrong about this. I’m going now, do you want a ride or something? You can stay here as long as you want, though.”

“I’ll walk home, it’s still noon,” you answer. You need to think, anyway.

He walks to the kitchen for a drink of water, he claims, but he picks up his phone on the way there, presumably to talk to Felix like the lovey-dovey fool he is. You wrinkle your noise and wander in the hallway, fully intending to bully Changbin about his crush as long as possible.

But his low voice, echoing from the kitchen, definitely doesn’t sound like flirting. When Changbin strides out, on a mission, it’s obvious that something is wrong. “We have to go,” he says. “Jeongin and Hyunjin got in an accident.”

Fear bubbles in your throat, and you yank the front door open harder than you could’ve thought possible. “What? How? When? Is it just the two of them? Are they okay?”

“Minho says that he doesn’t know yet, he’s driving there too. They aren’t calling the police, they’re apparently fine enough to get us,” Changbin says as he backs out of the driveway. “But we better get there as soon as we can.”

“Then drive,” you exhale sharply, slamming your seatbelt on as if it’ll stop your heart from beating out of your chest.

You leap out of the passenger’s side before the car even stops moving, finding Minho and Chan’s cars both parked at the side of the road behind the silver one that you remember to be Jeongin’s parents’. There’s a huddle of people there, Seungmin and Jisung parting so that you can make your way to the center.

To your relief, both your friends are okay; Hyunjin’s sitting on the trunk of the car, massaging his legs, and Jeongin’s definitely wincing a bit too much when he moves his neck. The car is dented, but not to the point of no repair.

Still, anger clouds your vision.

“What the hell’s wrong with the both of you?” you almost shout. “And what the fuck happened?”

Hyunjin starts, “Y/N, calm down. I was trying to teach Jeongin to drive, and we went a little off course--”

“Teaching him to drive, on the damn highway?” you question furiously. “You barely got your license three months ago, I get that you’re a good driver, but you aren’t a good enough driver for this! Whose idea was this?”

Jeongin timidly raises a hand, but Felix stops you from saying anything more. “Let’s all calm down, okay? Y/N, our friends are fine,” he says, low voice barely audible over the wind whipping around. “Everyone’s alive, which is the most important part here, and we can fix the car, which isn’t all that important. Let’s just focus on getting someone here to help, okay?”

“I’ve called my uncle to come and tow the car, we’re just going to get Hyunjin and Jeongin to the hospital, okay?” Seungmin reassures you. “Changbin’s car is too small, and you’re the better driver, so you and Hyunjin take it. Jeongin will come in Minho’s car with me, and we’ll meet you there.”

You nod stiffly and get into the driver’s seat first, pretending like you don’t notice how Chan pulls Hyunjin back to talk with him.

You shouldn’t have gotten angry; it doesn’t make sense to be angry at all. You should’ve been scared, worried, anything but angry, and so, you can only try to calm your breathing by the time Hyunjin sits next to you and Chan’s car sets off.

“Why are you so mad?” he asks quietly.

It’s the wrong thing to say; you turn your head to him, incredulous. “Why am I mad? You could have died, both of you could have died!”

“And? How many things have we all done together that could’ve ended with us in a ditch?” Hyunjin raises an eyebrow. “Hell, you were the one who decided that it would be fun to jump from the roof into Seungmin’s pool last summer, what’s changed? I get it, it was stupid, but you’ve never been so mad about something like this before.”

You exhale, tapping your fingers on Changbin’s steering wheel as you follow your friends’ cars. “To be honest, I don’t know.”

“Okay.”

It’s completely silent after that, at least until you reach the emergency room.

Jeongin and Hyunjin are fine, thankfully; the youngest has twisted a muscle in his neck, but it’s nothing that can’t heal on its own, and Hyunjin’s knees are merely bruised. Jisung’s the one who tells you, the older two of your friend group apparently dealing with the parents of the injured.

“Are you okay, Y/N?” he asks, patting your arm. “You reacted a little… adversely earlier. Did you and Hyunjin have a fight?”

“Why is it always about me and Hyunjin?” you ask with narrowed eyes. “Can’t I be mad because they almost got themselves killed?”

Jisung raises an eyebrow. “You never get mad when we almost get ourselves killed, that’s Chan’s job. And you were basically yelling straight at Hyunjin, I’ve never seen the guy so scared.”

You exhale and sit back in the creaky hospital chair. You wish you could tell Jisung if there was something wrong, but you honestly don’t know what it is. “I don’t know. Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”

“You tell me, dude,” Jisung chuckles. “I think you should think about it. I mean, there’s barely two weeks until prom now, you barely have time to back out anymore.”

“Why would I back out?” you stare at him.

He pushes you to stand, and only says, “Think about it yourself. Okay?”

You don’t tap out, but only because you don’t get Hyunjin alone enough to do so.

After your little yelling fest at him, he obviously doesn’t want to just talk to you, despite how you publicly apologize to both him and Jeongin. You don’t sit together during movie night, you sit at opposite corners of your study table in the library.

Until Felix’s parents invite all of you over to take prom pictures, all you get is a stilted silence.

“You look nice,” he mumbles when the two of you get ushered together in a pair. Except for Felix and Changbin, all the others are by themselves, and you wonder why Hyunjin was so hellbent to get himself a prom date when almost everyone else didn’t bother.

He himself looks absolutely perfect, his hair styled to perfection and a slight pink glittering on his lips. The suit that you picked out together is paired with a patterned shirt that you’ve never seen before, and it perfectly matches your own hastily-purchased outfit. Hyunjin offers a flower to you, color-coordinated, and you hold it in one hand with the other on his arm. “Thanks. You too.”

“Okay, smile, everyone!” Felix’s mom grins behind the camera. “Couples, stand closer together a little bit!”

With a (rather convenient) nudge from Minho, Hyunjin’s hand slips onto your waist, and heat rises to the tops of your ears. Felix’s mother is pleased, though, and the photos carry on with the occasional hoots of laughter when Jisung smacks a kiss onto Seungmin’s cheek and gets clocked as a result.

Conversation is never stilted when you’re with your friends, so despite the silence between Hyunjin and you, there’s no awkwardness during the ride there. Silence only falls when it’s just the two of you standing together in the corner of the venue, all the others off to dance or raid the buffet table.

You decide to speak first. “Are you pissed at me for yelling at you? Because I said I was sorry, and I am.”

“I’m not pissed at you,” Hyunjin shakes his head.

“Well, you’re sure acting like it,” you snap. With a sigh, you end up apologizing again, “Sorry. I just… I know that the plot was mostly a joke, just to take your mind off of the heartbreak and stuff. I kind of messed it up.”

“You messed it up?” He stares at you.

“Well, yeah… I yelled at you, didn’t I?”

Hyunjin sighs, almost like he expected a different answer. “No, that didn’t mess anything up. I mean, I got what I wanted, anyway.”

“And what was that?”

“I fell in love with you.”

It’s your turn to watch him, completely shellshocked. The sparkling, multicolored lights of the venue bounce off him like an otherworldly glow, and his eyes sparkle even though he’s avoiding your gaze. Maybe all the people falling at his feet, you included, are onto something. “I mean, it’s not exactly what I wanted,” he blabbers. “I wanted to be in love without it hurting, and obviously that failed, but… I should’ve known that it wouldn’t even take three weeks for me to love you.”

“Hyunjin.”

Your best friend still doesn’t look up, so you just ask softly, “Why does it hurt?”

“You don’t like me back, of course it hurts,” Hyunjin frowns. 

“Who said I didn’t like you back?”

He’s quiet, eyes flicking up to you like he thinks it’s Jisung pranking him or something. “Do you mean it?”

“We’re stupid, Hyunjin,” you laugh. “We’re so, so stupid. I had a crush on  you since we met, for two whole-ass years.”

“Well, I liked you for almost four, so I think I beat you there,” he says. But there’s a relieved smile on his face, his eyes curving prettily as he reaches for your hand. “Then… do you want to dance?”

“No romcom shenanigans,” you warn, but you allow yourself to be tugged out to the dance floor next to your friends with a smile.

Hyunjin’s grin as you twirl him around under the burning neon lights suddenly makes it seem like everything will just... magically be okay. If you had just been a little more courageous (or a little less stupid), maybe you could’ve seen it earlier.

But good things come with time and patience. And with all the patience you’ve had, waiting for this to happen, the way you finally feel with him makes it all worth it.

[dreamingofaizawa]

Guys My Age

Title and concept inspo: Guys My Age by Hey Violet

Soft Dom! Aizawa Shouta x Medium-sized Fem! Reader

Quirkless AU

***18+ Fic***

You must be at least 18 years old to participate in this reading. If you are under the age of 18 please step out of line and find another fic. Thank you and have a good day.

Warnings: Age gap, praise kink, DD/LG dynamic and terms, use of the words daddy and sir, light bondage, overstimulation, smut. 

Word Count: 4.1k

Author’s Note: I KNOW, I know, I write a lot of Aizawa fics, and they’re all DD/LG stuff. I know, okay? It’s an obsession, I’m in love with this man. Anyway, another soft dom Aizawa, but reader isn’t very well-versed in intimacy. Also, reader is what some would call medium-sized. Not necessarily big, but definitely not small. This is for all my medium-sized girls, including myself. I was very self-indulgent with this one.

Part 2

Enjoy~

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You’d always been told you were mature for your age. It wasn’t until recently you realized how true that statement might be. You’re currently 21. And very, very single. You’ve had a total of six different relationships, and all of them fell through for one very simple reason. The boys you dated were just that. Boys. They were extremely immature. Only ever wanting to ‘hang with the boys’ or stay at home. No effort was put into the relationship on their part after the first few weeks. You didn’t understand why these vastly different boys were all so adamant on staying inside.

You’d tried desperately to get them to go out on dates with you. You offered to pay, and drive, and literally anything else. But no, they were too busy playing video games or getting higher than the damn sky. Don’t even start thinking about sex. You hadn’t got any of that shit since your first ‘boyfriend’ at 17, who used you like a sex doll and broke it off once he found someone hotter and sexier and altogether better in his eyes. You were sick of it. So you did the last thing you’d ever want to do. You went on a blind date.

You’d stumbled on a website last week that allowed you to set up a blind date with a stranger. It seemed legit, and had background checks on all participants. It also allowed you to put in any preferences you had, and matched you with someone that had similar preferences and hobbies. The age range you put in? 30-35 years old. Because guys your age just didn’t cut it. You needed someone more mature, someone who could treat you like a woman, not some girl.

Today, almost a week after matching with someone, you were standing outside an italian restaurant. You didn’t know his face, just his name and age, and that he was a teacher. Aizawa Shouta, 31 years old. And he’d sent a single message when you matched.

Meet me at this location on Saturday. When you enter, I’ll be at the back corner table. Semi-formal. 8 pm, please don’t be late.

It was blunt and straightforward. You liked it. You just hoped he wasn’t quite this blunt in person. You’d put on a black knee-length cocktail dress with a halter top and a partially open back that fell to the small of your back. It accentuated your shoulders and the top half of your torso before fanning out at your waist, the silky material falling and swaying around you. 

You slipped on simple white heels and silver jewelry, with a white clutch purse. You’d decided to pull your hair into a loose half-up half-down, a silver comb pinning your hair in place, minimal makeup and clear lip gloss. For the first time in a while you felt pretty. You knew you weren’t exactly small, but the way you were dressed gave you confidence.

You looked at your watch. 7:55 pm. You took a deep breath, straightened out your dress, and stepped into the restaurant. The host asked if you had a reservation, and you told him you were meeting someone who already arrived. He let you pass, and you walked back to the table Aizawa told you to meet at. He had his back to you as you approached, but you could see his broad shoulders and muscular frame easily. 

He wore a white long-sleeve button down, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and a black vest fitted to his form. His slacks were also fitted, showing off his muscular thighs. His long raven hair was pulled in a half-up half-down similar to yours. You hadn’t even seen his face yet and he looked delicious.

Your heels clacked on the wood flooring, and as you neared the booth he turned to look at you. You stopped next to the table and got a good look at the stranger. He was beautiful. His dark bloodshot eyes looked tired, the bags underneath giving him away and only adding to his appeal, and a scar curved under his right eye. A sharp jawline, with a tamed scruff, and thin lips in a neutral expression. You were about to introduce yourself, but he stood from the booth and held his hand out, palm up. “You must be (y/l/n) (y/n).” You smiled at the gesture, and placed your hand in his. “That’s me. And you are Aizawa Shouta. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He pulled your hand to his lips and placed a kiss on your knuckles, before leading you to your seat.

As he sat down, you noticed a bottle of wine sitting in the center of the table in a bucket of ice, and two glasses of wine halfway full. One sat in front of you, and the other in front of Aizawa. He began the conversation with a rather specific question. “So, (y/l/n), why are you on a dating website looking for men that are so much older than you?” Normally you’d take offense to a question like that, but the way he said it was pure curiosity. So, you answered. “If I’m being honest, it’s actually pretty simple. Guys my age just don’t know how to treat me.”

He raised an eyebrow at that, a barely noticeable smirk tugging at his lips. “And how do you want to be treated?” You smiled a little at the implications behind the question, and answered. “I don’t want to be stuck in my room while my ‘boyfriend’ plays video games and smokes weed. I don’t want to be ‘one of the boys’, and I don’t want to have to plead and beg to go on a date or spend time with him. I want to be treated like a woman, not a girl. And I want to spend my time with a man, not waste it on a boy.” 

At that, Aizawa smirked and sipped at his wine. You both took a quick look at the menu and ordered when the waiter came. As you ate, you talked about random subjects and hit it off quite well. The date went by quickly, and at the end of the night you’d exchanged numbers. “I look forward to another date with you, Ms. (y/l/n).” “The feeling is mutual, Mr. Aizawa.” 

When you got back home, you undressed and cleaned your face and got into bed. As you lay there, your mind drifted back to the date, and how undeniably handsome Aizawa is. The way he spoke to you like you were his equal, and looking at you like an ancient treasure. He was everything you wanted, without even considering anything sexual. Little did you know he felt much the same way.

____

When the date ended he texted Hizashi to let him know he was free. Hizashi, of course, called him immediately, and began drilling him about the date. “How’d it go Sho? Was it a rando with a thing for older guys? Did she want a sugar daddy?” Shouta rolled his eyes. “No, Zashi, she wasn’t looking for a sugar daddy. She was...actually really mature for a 21 year old. She knows what she wants. I admire that a little. And I won’t lie, she’s quite beautiful. Not the generic, model, beauty-pageant, barbie doll pretty. It’s a natural glow she has. It’s...quite mesmerizing...”

Hizashi exploded on the other side, laughing at the new infatuation his friend had for a blind date. “I hope she’s your type, Sho. I mean physically. I know how much you like them with a little meat on their bones.” Aizawa groaned at his comment. He knew he was just teasing, but that his blonde friend was 100% right. He knew he had a type, and he’d be lying to himself if he hadn’t looked at your full figure quite frequently. 

He’d taken in your dress, how it showed off your shoulders and back. As you climbed into your car and took off your heels, he trailed his eyes up your legs, getting a small glimpse at your thick thighs. When you sat up behind the wheel, he revelled in the small rolls showing through your dress, wanting nothing more than to squeeze them and kiss them and bite them...

He shook away the thoughts that were threatening to take over his mind. “Shut it Hizashi. Her body is none of my concern, and is most definitely none of yours. I enjoyed the date and that’s what matters.” The loud blonde gasped dramatically, “Oh my god she totally is! Damn you go get some Sho!” Aizawa just ended the call.

*

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*

The next date was planned once again by Aizawa, and it was only a week after the first. It was a simple coffee date at a small cafe. You talked casually about the things you enjoyed doing. You convinced him to let you take care of the next date, which you decided would be a relaxed ramen date. You’d gotten comfortable around each other, and after about six more dates, he invited you over to his place for dinner. Of course, you accepted.

He’d sent you the address and apartment number, and you stood outside his door in dark jeans, black flats, and a beige sweater with a white tank top underneath. You knocked on the door, and when it opened he greeted you with a peck on the cheek. It had become a normal greeting, since you’d gotten so close, though the gesture always made you a little shy. He told you to get comfortable as he finished up dinner, and you sat at the kitchen table and admired him as he worked in the kitchen. He wore fitted blue denim jeans, and a black cotton t-shirt, his hair pulled up in a bun. 

No matter how many times you looked at him, he was always just as shockingly handsome as the first time you saw him. His t-shirt left his toned arms exposed, and it was fitted to his torso, showing off his muscular frame. Your eyes traced the outline of his muscles from his shoulder, down his arm, drifting to his hips and up his back. You didn’t notice him glance back and smirk at you. “Like what you see kitty cat?” Heat rushed to your face at the realization that you’d been staring, and the fact that he’d noticed. And that name… “K-kitty?” you barely whispered, before quickly apologizing. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to stare.”

You didn’t think he heard the first part. You were wrong. “It’s alright. And yes, kitty. Don’t like the pet name?” Your face burned at the tone of his voice. “N-no, the name’s fine, you just...caught me off guard.” He chuckled. “I should do it more often. You’re cute when you’re flustered.” You didn’t think your face could get any hotter, but it did. You tilted your head down and away from him and bit your lip, letting your hair fall to hide your face. You’d never gotten this kind of attention before, and you had no idea how to handle it.

You were too busy trying to calm your breathing to hear him approach you. The proximity and demanding tone of his voice made you jump a little. “Look at me, kitten.” You swallowed and took a breath before turning your head to him, and he hooked a finger under your chin, tilting your head so you were forced to sit up taller. He moved even closer, your shoulder brushing against his abdomen, and you nearly had to look straight up to look in his eyes. 

Your eyes began to drift away from his, and he jerked your chin up higher, silently commanding you not to look away. You brought your eyes back to his and held his gaze, and after a few moments he smirked. The hand under your chin moved to stroke your cheek with his knuckles. “Good girl.”

He quickly dropped his hand and went back to the kitchen to finish preparing dinner. It took you a few seconds to let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You panted a little, trying to calm yourself from what just happened, and clasped your shaking hands together. But they weren’t shaking from fear. In fact, you couldn’t quite tell why you were so shaky and out of breath. And the praise from him sent a shiver down your spine.

He managed to distract you while you ate, and you had completely recovered from whatever that was earlier. After dinner you moved into the living room and relaxed on the couch while you talked some more. Soon he’d leaned his head back and closed his eyes, still talking and listening, but clearly relaxed. Once again you found yourself distracted by his body, following the muscles in his neck down to his toned chest and abdomen. And again, he noticed. “I can feel your eyes on me, kitten.” His voice was low, a rumble of smooth baritone. You found yourself turning away to hide your face again, and the command in his voice controlled you with ease. 

“Don’t look away from me, kitten.” You turned back to him, and when your eyes met his, you looked away, and he let out a low growl and your eyes snapped back to him. He adjusted and sat up, your eyes still fixed on each other. He pat his leg, “Come here kitty.” You blinked at him, not quite prepared for such a demand. His eyes darkened a little and his voice dropped to a growl, “I won’t ask twice.” 

At that you got up and went to sit on one of his legs, but he pulled his knees together and shook his head. So you climbed over and straddled his legs on your knees. He grabbed your hips and pulled you so you were fully sitting on his lap, your core dangerously close to his growing bulge.

Your eyes were still locked on his as he leaned close to you, his hands rubbing circles into your hips.  He leaned past your face and whispered into your ear. “Can I touch you kitty?” You took a shaky breath and nodded. He laid a light spank on your ass and you jumped. “Use your words kitty cat.” “Y-yes, you can t-touch me.” He laid a kiss on your neck and whispered ‘good girl’ before moving his hands under your sweater and tank top. He ran his hands up and down your back, and he gripped the fatty flesh of your stomach and hips, kneading it in his palms gently as he worked his way up your body, leaving feather light kisses along your neck and jaw.

The intimacy had you quivering, and the way he nearly worshipped your body had your breaths coming out shaky and heavy. Shouta caught on quickly. “Is it safe for me to assume you haven’t done anything in a while?” he said in your ear. You started to nod, but quickly caught yourself, “Y-yes.” He stilled his movements and wrapped his arms around your waist, resting his chin on your shoulder. “Tell me what you did before this.” You took a breath and explained the situation as simply and quickly as possible.

His arms tensed, clearly upset that you’d been used like that. But he didn’t pry into that right now. “So you haven’t explored anything? Like any preferences you might have?” You shook your head quickly, “N-no...why?” He chuckled. “Well, kitty, you’re quite submissive. If you’d let me, I can help you explore this side of you.” You swallowed and nodded. “Y-yeah, I think I’d like that.” He hummed into your neck, “We can start tonight, but only if you’re comfortable and you want to.” You took a few moments to think about your answer. This man had been nothing but good to you. He treated you with more respect than all the boys you dated had combined. And you trusted him. “I...I’m comfortable starting tonight.”

“Alright kitty. Now, listen to me closely, because this is important, okay?” “Okay, I’m listening.” “Good. Since this is new to you, we need to establish a safeword. Is ‘roses’ alright?” You nod. “Okay. Now if anything ever gets too much for you, if you feel uncomfortable for any reason, if you need to stop for any reason, or if there’s a medical emergency, you need to use it. And that goes for me too. If I don’t like where things are going, I’ll use it. Once we use the safeword, everything will stop right there, no questions asked. Understand?”

“I understand.” “Okay. Can I trust you to use it if you feel the need to?” You nod, “Yes. I’ll use it if I need to.” He kisses your neck, “Good girl.” The praise makes you shudder, and you feel him smile into your neck. “Now, kitty, I want you to address me as either ‘Daddy’, ‘Sir’, or ‘Master’ when we’re like this, do you understand?” “Yes.” He spanks you a little harder. “Yes what?” You jump at the contact “Y-yes Sir.” Another kiss on your neck, “Good girl.” He leans back and taps your arms, “Up.” You lift your arms and he pulls off your sweater and tank top at the same time. 

His hands come back down on your shoulders, and he runs his hands down your chest and stomach, taking the time to remove your bra and knead your breasts. He wraps his arms around you and stands up, and you wrap your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist as he carries you to his bedroom. He puts you down on the bed on your back and takes a rope out of the bedside table. You let him take your hands and tie your wrists to the bar at the headboard. It’s not uncomfortably tight, but a few experimental tugs tell you it’s solid and you won’t be getting out of it unless he unties you.

He trails kisses down your body, unbuttoning your jeans and removing them as he goes. Once your jeans are off, he loops his fingers in the band of your panties and pulls them off. After that, he leans back and just rakes his eyes up and down your body, eating up every inch of your skin. “You’re such a pretty kitty.” His words have you shuddering and blushing. You’d never been called pretty before, and you knew why. You were a little bigger than other girls. You weren’t necessarily insecure about it. You didn’t care all that much about how people saw you with just your looks alone. But you knew Shouta was admiring your body after knowing who you are as a person, and it made you a little giddy.

His mouth and hands were all over you, squeezing and groping, sucking bruises onto your skin. His touches were sending waves of heat through your body, and pooling between your legs. You desperately wanted him to touch you there, and you whined and rolled your hips up into the air. “Such a needy kitty. Be patient. I’m not done here yet.” He rolled a nipple in between his index and thumb, pulling the other into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue. You mewled at the sensation, and he switched his mouth over to the other side.

Your legs were rubbing together, begging for friction, and he finally moved down to your dripping core. He took a finger and slipped it over your folds. He groaned as his finger collected your slick, “You’re so wet kitty. Are you this wet for me?” You nodded your head frantically, and he laid a light smack on your pussy. You let out a soft whimper, “Yes Sir, it’s for you,” you answered quickly. He hummed, “Good girl. I didn’t even need to remind you to use your words.” He kissed the inside of your thigh, and moved to lick a stripe up your folds. You gasped at the new feeling, never having anyone’s mouth down there before.

He slipped the pink muscle into you easily, groaning when he tasted you. The sound sent vibrations through your dripping cunt, making you squirm at the pleasure. He looped his arms around your legs, dipping his fingers into your core and using the slick to rub tight circles onto your clit. An unfamiliar sensation built in the pit of your stomach, your muscles tightening in your abdomen as it got stronger. You knit your eyebrows together, and in between heavy breaths you gasped out, “S-sir...it feels strange.” He raised his eyebrows at the statement, and increased his pace until that coil inside you snapped, which didn’t take very long.

Your back arched off the bed as you let out a loud, sharp moan, your legs shaking from the intensity of your first orgasm. Aizawa kept lapping at your pussy, letting you ride out your high, and once you were relaxed and panting on the bed, he lifted his head and wiped his chin. “Kitty, have you never cum before?” He asked, a small smirk tugging at his lips. You shake your head, “No S-sir...Is that what just happened?” He chuckled, but didn’t answer the question, “You’re going to have fun tonight kitty.” You didn’t have time to question what he meant, though, because he slipped a thick finger into your core, and you mewled as your walls clenched down on him.

The game he played went on for what felt like hours, and you lost count of how many times he’s made you cum. He’d fucked you and cum multiple times himself. You’d already squirted several times, and tears were streaming down your face from the overstimulation. It felt so good, but it was starting to melt your brain and the title of ‘Sir’ drifted to ‘Daddy’ as it went on. All the muscles in your body were burning from flexing so hard, and your wrists were feeling raw from how hard you’d been tugging at your restraints. It felt so, so good...but it was too much. He leaned down close to your face and kissed at the tears, “You’re doing so well babygirl. You got one more for me?” 

You giggled lightly at the praise, your mind fuzzy, unable to form coherent thoughts as he thrust his hips into you. He stilled his movements and caressed your jaw. “How are you feeling, kitten?” Your eyes looked up into his, struggling to stay open. You giggled a little as you answered. “It’s… I f-feel…” You knit your eyebrows together in concentration, searching your brain. “R-roses?”

Everything stopped, and he instantly reached up and tugged off your restraints, and pulled your exhausted body close to his chest. Your breathing got heavier, and your chest got tight, and fresh tears fell down your cheeks. He held you tight, kissing your tears and petting your hair as your cries died down. He held you like that until your breathing was normal again. You slowly opened your eyes, weakly calling out to him, “Daddy?” He kissed your forehead, “I’m right here kitten. Tell me what you need.” You nuzzled your head into his neck and mumbled, “Water. Can I have water?” He wrapped you in a soft blanket and stood up, carrying you with him. “Anything for my kitten.”

He set you on the counter and made a glass of iced water, holding it up to your lips. As you sipped, he rubbed your back and kissed your forehead and neck, and he didn’t stop or move until you had drained the cup. He left it in the sink and picked you up again, taking you to the bathroom and filling the tub with warm water. He turned off the tap, took off your blanket, and carried you into the tub. He washed the both of you, massaging your scalp, and you let out a sound like a pur, which he smiled at.

When he was done, he stood you up and wrapped you in a fluffy towel, dried himself with one, and carried you back to bed. You curled into him, and he wrapped his arms around you. “Are you okay (y/n)?” You nodded into his chest, “Yeah, I’m okay. It was just intense.” You could hear the smile in his voice as he spoke, “Thank you for using the safeword. You did so well for me kitten, trusting me like that.” You nuzzled into his chest some more, relishing in the heat his body gave. 

You loved the praise he gave you. It made you feel warm and fuzzy in your belly, and it felt so good. Soon you were drifting into a deep sleep, comfortable in Shouta’s arms. This was nice. You’d be happy to let him guide you, let him take care of you like this. One thought drifted through your head as you drifted.

‘Guys my age could never.’

[obeymeluv]

Signs they Love You

Back for my 1 post a week to prove school hasn’t totally killed me! When I get a semester break, I’ll post more often. In the mean time, feel free to leave me chats or PMs for stuff you want to see! :) Something nice and sappy for an okay Saturday

These turned out really long so I only did Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, and Satan. I have to get back to studying :/. Maybe I’ll have part 2 next week?

Lucifer

You wouldn’t be able to notice it because his pride wouldn’t allow you to. One of the brothers (or, to Lucifer’s extreme mortification, Lord Diavolo) would have to tell you

He’s not sure if it’s just the appreciation of you not being as totally chaotic as his brothers or genuine human naivete that has somehow worn off on him, but he loves you

Will be outed by sappy, soft stares that last 2 seconds too long.

Asmo and Satan are the first to notice and he LOATHES that

If he’s tasked with waking you up that morning, his knock will be firm but his voice will be gentle. Almost persuasive or commiserating

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by school workload, he may have a private conference with the teacher and grant you a minor extension. Will you know it was him? No. Is he happy to see you brighten up and refill with hope just a bit? Definitely. Is it worth the teasing from Lord Diavolo? ...Sure.

If he responds to texts in the wee hours of the morning when he’s still pouring over paperwork, he likes you.

Anyone who knows him can see how his eyes soften when someone else talks about you. There’s a fond slowness to his actions, how he glides his hand imperceptibly over his chest as if to feel where that emotion is coming from. Boy is whipped.

Should Lord Diavolo invite him out for a meeting, he will bring you back something small. Something he thought you’d like. Beel is upset. Levi yells “SIMP!” from the second floor and prepares for Armageddon.

Actually reminds you about assignments if you’re not already up on it yourself. Your success is his joy.

Is very keen on if/when you burn the candle too long and has a sixth sense for bad sleeping habits. Will put you on a stricter schedule for your own health

It may take almost all of the brothers to do it (or just help from Diavolo) but if he gets drunk on Demonus you’re getting a whole BOOK about why he likes you. He almost charms your memory away but everyone practically dog-piles on him not to because he needs to deal with his feelings.

You’re the only one he won’t chase out of his study when he’s doing paperwork. He’ll even set up a little fire if you like the fireplace.

How he confesses: tries to take you on a fancy date to Ristorante Six. Does not know that Lord Diavolo and Barbatos know about this (damn time-travelling butler!) and basically crash the date just to encourage him. Just long enough to encourage him.

Kind of an, “So you chose this idea, Lucifer? Admirable! I’m sure your date will be amazing! Enjoy your evening!” as Diavolo walks back to his table.

Does Lucifer deny it? Look and see how red his face is. If you’re really not sure, ask Diavolo. He will gladly yell, “I cannot lie!” across the restaurant.

Mammon

For all his talk, when he really, really decides he likes you, he doesn’t know what to say.

He can console himself with how obvious it is and how you made the best choice, but he has to show it! What to do?

Mammon’s kind of confused about it because he doesn’t really change how he behaves. You didn’t catch on already?! C’mon, human!

What, does he have to spell it out for you? Do an interview with Majolish?

His first tactic is to just be around you. Be subtle, and maybe cuddle a bit more than usual. Things to show he’s kittenish and at your mercy. Comfortable with you.

You don’t seem to be getting the hint so he throws the net a little wider by trying to find things you like or that you’ve been talking about. They mysteriously show up at your door.

It sends the others on a gossip train about who your admire could be and when they list off everyone BUT him, he wants to slam his head on the table.

Feeling tired? Coffee! Backpack heavy? Silly human, the BEST man can help you with that, OBVIOUSLY! Mammon jumps at the chance to do any little thing for you because he cares. His actions always speak louder than words.

Feeling kind of defeated and embarrassed, Mammon will go talk to the flock of crows that meander around the House of Lamentation’s yard when he really needs them.

For the next few days you’re accosted in the nicest way, birds chirping at you and dropping off various shiny things

You collect them, finally showing them to Mammon and he’s embarrassed that his representative animal has taken to courting you on his behalf.

He calls them to him, embarrassed and ready to rant or fall into the ground never to be seen again, when they start talking. Repeating all the things he’s practiced saying.

“Hey baby,”, “Hey human,” “Love you!”, “Silly! Silly!”, “Dummy, no, dummy!”, “My human.”

It’s broken and confusing, six or seven bird children cawing in your face and bobbing, but you get it.  

Levi

Levi’s not the best at expressing himself but it counts, right? As much as he hates to admit he’s some kind of shy tsundere, you know what that is, right? He doesn’t have to say it?

Yes. Yes he does. His brothers are getting too chummy with you and you don’t understand his signals. Time for Plan B.

If you get invited to stand in line for a midnight release, he hopes you take it. Then it’s just you two hanging out in line? What’s this? He brought snacks? Totally not for the two of you BUT you an have some if you’re hungry. It’s whatever

When he’s not doing boss raids and playing with online friends, he’ll ask if you want to play something with him. A Player 1 needs a Player 2, you know?

I headcanon that Levi knows how to play some unusual instruments like the kalimba or a real ocarina. I could see him making you a song on one of those. Or just playing it because you inspire him. He’s very good with a harp and will play it when he’s in the mood.

Boy also likes to draw and paint. Especially loves watercolors. Would it be weird if he gave you a painting of you as a mermaid? Just you and the ocean. Beautiful.

Was there a really cute plush or knickknack you liked? Levi has his ways, regardless of how rare or limited edition it is. It will be yours. 

He has a hard time understanding a passing comment of interest versus a genuine want because he genuinely wants everything he’s interested in, so if you hear a whisper about him almost securing something, stop and look it up. Make sure it’s not super expensive!!

Probably outed by Belphegor, who feels like Levi’s broadcasting all of his stress, frustration, and hope through his dreams. (”His dreams are weird. Just different ways of asking them out, and if he messes up it restarts like a simulation. My brain hurts.” he says to Beel)

 You’re allowed to come into his super-restricted bedroom haven when everything’s too much. It’s very exclusive since the Mammon incident. Be happy.

Might go swimming in his big tank and pick a seashell or rock to make a necklace out of. He hopes you like it.

If he’s not outed by Belphie, some of his online friends made a game demo they wanted him to try. They specified it was two player so he asked you to join in. While he’s in the middle of bragging about how he knows people, knows developers, he totally misses the dating-sim like dialogue and the big reveal.

Doesn’t really kick in until he realize the characters look like you two. You’re busy saying ‘Yes’ to “Do you like me?” as Levi absolutely threatens to rip them apart six ways to Sunday. Almost in full demon mode, too.

Everything falls out of his brain and quiets in his throat when he realizes the characters are kissing and ‘THEY SAID YES!’ flashes on the screen.

“Y-You like me?”

“Yep.”

It was that easy all along. Levi thinks he’s going to faint.  

Satan

Becomes aware of it pretty quick but ignores it for a looong time

Is it rude or foolish of him to assume you would also like him back?

Run away into books. A solid plan. If you don’t think about it, it’s not an issue

Oh, but it is an issue when you fall asleep after a mutual day of reading, forced in by bad weather. He finds his heart fluttering in a painful squeeze as he quietly whispers all the things he dare not say when you’re awake

It’s nervous poetry, and it’s beautiful

Satan tries to get himself back on track, to focus on reading, and he gets frustrated when he’s stuck on the same page almost an hour later

When you’re on the brain he just can’t do anything else

How does one show their affection? He’s swimming in books for a new reason now, as voracious as ever

He brews you a pot of Melancholy Coffee and is a bit disappointed you don’t know the meaning behind the bitterness. Wants to break the pot when Lucifer jokes about how it tastes exceptionally bitter to him as well.

Okay, so coffee didn’t work. What else do people do when they show their affections?

Asmo suggests a ‘not a date’ date and Satan sighs inside. Sounds like a lot of work and effort. It’s not that you’re not worth it, but he has a feeling that everyone will know and look at him the whole time.

Tries anyways. You guys go to a beautiful nature conservatory and take a tour of the plants and some indigenous animals

You’re starting to realize it now, he can tell. Satan tries to answer your question without saying it while you’re at school. You walk together, he offers to carry some of your books, and always requests that he be your project partner

Nearly there. If there was a single defining moment for him, he’d want it to be classic. He shows up at your door with a rose and asks you to go on a moonlit walk.

Mammon’s poking fun about how cheesy and cliche it is, Asmo’s gearing up to shut Mammon’s stupid mouth, and Satan just whisks you out the door with an aggravated sigh.

No matter what side of the house you’re on, Asmo throws up the biggest, gaudiest handmade sign that’s like ‘CUTEST COUPLE! 10/10!’

[oysteringofclamelot]

2021 Fic Round Up

New list for 2022 is pinned on blog

If you read one of my fics, and believe a tag needs to be added to ensure a good experience for all readers, please let me know (respectfully) in the comments. I will do my best to tag appropriately, but appreciate that I may miss something out. 

I do not and will not write Dark!Character content. 

Total Word Count: 772,368

2021 Total WC: 757,006

The Serendipity of You, T, 15k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Meet-cute, Crushes, Getting Together

To Run Ashore on Desert Sands, T, WIP, Canon-verse, DinLuke (light), The Children of the Watch are a Cult, Rumspringa, Coming of Age. (hiatus)

My Big Fat Mandalorian Parents - M - 9k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Established Relationship, Family Feels, Slice of Life, Part 3 of the My Big Fat Mandalorian Life series. Marked complete for now

The Littlest Things - T - 15k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Slice of Life, Soft, Strangers to Friends to Lovers

Dinner for Two - M - 38k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Slice of Life, Dinner, Getting together, Halldark - Part 4 of the Hallmark Does Not Approve series, Part 2 of the Luke for Din(ner) series

Come Dine with Me - T - 28k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Thanksgiving but Naboo, Terrible Family, Your Faves Are Not Nice (sorry!), Fake Date - Part 3 of the Hallmark Does Not Approve series, Part 1 of the Luke for Din(ner) series

The Buir Necessities - G - 15k, Jungle Book AU, DinLuke, Meet-cute, Quests, Falling in Love, Characters as Forest Animals. 

If We’d Known What We Know Now - T - 51k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Divorce, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Happy Ending

Getting It On Never Used to be This Hard - M - 16k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Slice of Life, Intimacy, Non-sexual Intimacy, Learning to Love, HallDark - Part 2 of the Hallmark Does Not Approve series, Part 2 of the Vegas Marriage series

Bake From the Heart - T - 3k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Pastry Chef Luke, Hot Dad Din, Meet-cute, 5+1 Things

That’s What You Get for Partying In Bespin - T - 36k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Hallmark AU, Meet Cute, Falling in Love, Married in Vegas - Part 1 of the Hallmark Does Not Approve series, Part 1 of the Vegas Marriage series

Cara’s Guide to Meeting the Love of Your Life (featuring Catfishing, Drunkenness, and a Crying Blond) - T - 5k, Modern AU, DinLuke, CaraLeia, Drunken Shenanigans, Fake Dates, Real Dates

We’ll Go the Same Way Together - E - 97k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Torture (Physical and Psychological), Violence, Angst, Whump (The Worst Whump One Commenter Has Ever Read)

My Big Fat Mandalorian Family - E - 148k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Family Feels, Sequel Kids, Quite a Bit of Sex, Slice of Life - Part 2 of the My Big Fat Mandalorian Life series

My Big Fat Mandalorian Wedding - M - 136k, Modern AU, DinLuke, My Big Fat Greek Wedding Inspired, Family Feels, Fluff, Love, Weddings - Part 1 of the My Big Fat Mandalorian Life series

Soaring Straight to Your Heart - T - 38k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Meet-cute, Weddings, There was Only One Bed, Soulmates

By Mutual Agreement - M - 26k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Jedi Cult, Mand’alor Din Djarin, Plots, Lust at First Sight

The Jedi Place - T - 8k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Father-son relationship, Angst, Loneliness, Gentle Love

The Steady Hands of Time - G - 2.5k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Future Fic, Old Men, Love Confessions

Summer Moon and Winter Sun - T - 14k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Depression, Love, Recovery, Mental Health Scares, Privated Fic

The Academic Implications of Having a Fine Ass - T - 7k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Academia, Meet-cute, Middle Aged Men in Love

Snapshots - G - 3k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Father-son relationship, Soft, Family Feels - Part 2 of the Photo Album of Life series

The Man in the Photo - G - 6k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Mystery, Grown-up Grogu, Period-Typical Homophobia (not explicit), Misunderstandings, Happy Ending - Part 1 of the Photo Album of Life series

Under the Gaze of the Manda - T - 1.6k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Crack-fic, Reminiscing, Paz and Din share a Braincell - Part 4 of the The Six Actions series

The Ritual - G - 1k, Modern AU, DinLuke, Silly, Superstition, Academia, Meet-cute

Alor - M - 18k - Canon-verse, DinLuke, Mand’alor Din Djarin, Misunderstandings, Trigger Warnings for Chapter 6 and Beyond (Grief, Loss, Depression) - Part 3 of the The Six Actions series

Aliit - T -  3.2k, Canon-verse, DinLuke, Din Djarin’s Backstory, 5+1 things, Found Family - Part 2 of The Six Actions series

Resol’nare - T -  22k, Canon-verse; DinLuke, My First Fanfic, Strangers to Lovers, Co-parenting, Crisis of Faith - Part 1 of The Six Actions series 

[keilemlucent]

lavender latte: iii

(T (for now!))

hawks | takami keigo x reader

ao3

chapter 1   ||   chapter 2   ||   chapter 4

word count: 4.2k

a cheeky drink and some mutual sabotage. 

warnings: oh no, they say s*x, fluff, pining, the usual, and a wittle angst on the side, reader smokes cigs bc its a salem trademarked fic thing

enjoy folks ;^) the whole of this piece is gonna be about? ten chapters. so. hold on tight!!!

beta read by @keiqos, heart EYES

||||||||||||||||||||||||

“Let that sit for a second or you’ll burn yourself—”

“Don’t need to tell me twice, angel. I know the drill.” Hawks replied with a wink.

You weren’t ever going to get tired of that.

You really expected Hawks to disappear out of your life. You really, truly expected him to run off for good. How many bigger, better, and more important things did he have to do? Even if you managed to speak to him and regard him like any other customer (or, perhaps acquaintance, and more recently, friend — ), your mind swam with insecurities that only seemed to get worse over time.

You were waiting for the metaphorical thread to snap.

You waited for the day Hawks simply would stop texting you flirty bullshit on a somewhat regular basis.

But, holy fuck, the dude didn’t.

 You couldn’t think of why. You weren’t complaining about the attention, but you also were terrified of getting too used to it. Hawks was a part... bird (?) right? He was flighty by nature.

Despite this, Hawks continued to not only text you but also stopped by the shop fairly frequently for his special, quirk-fueled beverage fix. Politely, he’d text you the day before he planned to make an appearance to check and see if you were working, and then show up the next day like it was nothing. 

He usually wouldn’t stay for long; the hero was ungodly busy and always on the move. But, he always took the time to flirt and get a full description of his drink before dashing out to save the world once more. 

Most days he visited were his ‘hero work’ days. He’d appear in his costume, done up and dashing for a sip and a quick talk before disappearing once more into the skies. Every once in a while, Hawks had an ‘office’ day where he’d be confined to his agency to catch up on his insane backlog of paperwork. On these occasions, Hawks would talk (stall) at the tea shop for as long as possible. You talked and joked with him as long as he would let you. Sure, it put you behind on work, but no one at the shop was going to tell you off for fraternizing with the number two hero (whose repeated presence was drawing more customers anyways). You both reveled in each other's attention, drinking in the other’s slowly softening smiles and quick wit. 

 On this day, Keigo’s wings were the shittiest they had been in a while. Plucked and almost barren with how much he’d been working lately. Total exhaustion seemed like it was constantly on the horizon, tugging as his eyelids and weighing down his chest each morning.

It was easier to get out of bed when he got to think about seeing you.

Sure, your drinks were a perk. Very much so. He was getting so used to the artisan beverages you crafted that the taste of his normal canned coffee was starting to bother him. 

But, what his real thrill in visiting the tea shop was that he got to see you, and that made his heart pound. 

He sat across from you, looking down into your newest drink. It swirled between dark and milky, a heady, rich aroma billowing up with the steam it produced. He had requested something ‘surprising, new, and horribly caffeinated’ as deep fatigue was the worst villain he’d likely see that day. You had just nodded, cheekily starting to prepare his drink with a bounce in your step, pupils going wide. 

“I feel like you’re gonna start running out of ideas one of these days,” Keigo laughed, adjusting himself on his stool, gloves and jacket removed. He almost looked like a normal patron.

 You grinned to yourself, idly cleaning around you as you often did, “I dunno, I’ve got a lot.”

Hawks raised an eyebrow, “Tell me about them.”

“Nope, top-secret,” You shook your head, digging into your apron to flash him the small notepad you carried on you.

Scrawled in nasty handwriting, you carried your many ‘feeling’ ideas around with you. Different concepts and abstractions all scribbled down, a nice long list to look back on whenever Hawks would make his appearances and his own vague requests. Your backlog of ideas made it easy to find something more than suitable to make for him.

When Hawks saw your notepad his eyes widened, tilting his head and a devious smirk coming to his lips.

Your expression fell, and you stuffed the papers back into your pocket, hiding your hot face by idly cleaning some more. 

You left yourself very open for teasing, it seemed.

(Not that you or Keigo minded.)

“You keep a little list of all of your ideas! I’m beyond flattered,” Hawks ran a hand through his hair, flashing a cocky smile for you. 

“I have to stay prepared, can’t be disappointing my celebrity sugar daddy,” You winked as Hawks’s eyes went wide, half-hearing a choke get caught in his throat. (You loved it when you were able to get him visibly flustered. What a treat.) You nodded down to the drink, “Should be good to try now.” 

 Keigo really liked spending time with you. He knew it was always fleeting and short and consistently he wanted to find reasons to stay with you at the tea shop counter for longer and longer. Your quips and chides continued to get quicker and more clever and he was having an increasingly difficult time keeping his cool around you. Most of the time he smoothed himself easily, not showing a trace other than that which he neurologically couldn’t control. 

But sometimes, you were bold enough and ballsy enough to get him to gag on his literal words and he was positive that you were the only person to ever have him break composure in such a way. 

He covered his weakened poise by sipping the new drink, mindfully letting the taste wash over his tongue.

Increasingly, you’d been changing up the so-called ‘vibe’ of your beverages. It seemed like each time Keigo dropped in, you had something new and vibrant to show him. 

This drink was particularly different.

The taste was rich, dark, and smooth, rolling into the back of his throat and down his spine. It coated his insides with a warm, low heat. Peeking through were sweet, light accents, warm but almost... teasing?

His dick twitched.

 Hawks’s mouth dropped open, any and all professional veneers dropped as you just beamed so fucking smugly at him. 

“What do you think?” You leaned a bit forward, bouncing on your toes with excitement.

“Is... Is this supposed to taste like sex?” Hawks asked, taking another mouthful to confirm. Based on the way his eyes briefly shut and some of the tension rolled from his shoulders, he thoroughly confirmed it.

“Technically, it’s crafted based on like... a late-night rendezvous. I left it fairly up to interpretation beyond that. The rest is on you.” You shrugged, still bouncing as Hawks took another chug.

“What the fuck, (Y/N),” Pleasant shock colored his features, but clear amusement stretched across his lips as he continued to drink. 

“You wanted something surprising and horribly caffeinated. That’s a dark chocolate mocha with two extra shots, our in-house raspberry and rhubarb syrup, a bit of white chocolate syrup, and a few of my add-ins as well. It’s pretty different from what I’ve made you before,” You blinked at him, stomach twisting as his expression remained unguarded. “I... I probably should’ve asked before giving you a drink that definitely could’ve been taken as sex. That’s my bad. I can remake you something else if you’d like?”

 Keigo shook himself from his stupor, shaking his head and quickly regaining his composure. He took another sip to emphasize his words, “No, nope. It’s okay. Definitely okay. The drink is really good. I’m just now wondering something.”

“And, what’s that?” You asked, reaching behind the counter to grab your own iced beverage.

“Can your quirk be used to manifest bad feelings and concepts, just like good ones?” Keigo asked. Normally, he’d add more nuance, but he was getting impatient and sloppy around you. He’d have to keep that in check.

Especially with the way your shoulders drew up and tensed. You turned a bit away from him, any and all potential for eye contact torn away.

He hit a nerve.

“The type of abstract feeling doesn’t matter, I can emulate it,” You replied, pulling at your nails. Keigo had long picked up that it was one of your habits when your anxiety spiked. 

He dropped it, but didn’t forget. There were public files on quirks. Maybe he’d look into it. Maybe. It felt a bit invasive, but considering plenty of that data was freely accessible, it hardly was an invasion of privacy, right? 

(Except for the fact that it obviously made you very uncomfortable to discuss the more unsavory potentials of your quirk.) 

(He just wouldn’t tell you.)  

Keigo switched topics, easily rolling away from the topic, “Any particular... event that inspired this one?” 

You pressed your hands into the counter, leaning over it to glare at him, “Are you referring to something with that comment, Hawks?”

He shuddered when you said his name, but you don’t notice. 

“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not,” Keigo shrugged easily, going for another sip.

 The drink was inspired by the several day cinematic, wine-bender you went on a week or two prior. An entire weekend with just you, your cats, three entire bottles of wine, and a backlog of movies to catch up on. You tried to consume lots of different types of media, but what had been catching your eye lately had been anything with gushy romance for fairly obvious reasons.

(There was an embarrassing amount of ideas for drinks that were a bit too romantic to properly indulge with your quirk. You’d never tested the limits of how certain feelings could manifest, and you weren’t quite ready to face the reality where you could make people nut from caffeinated milk.)

“It is good though, the drink,” Hawks smacked his lips together as if it would make his coming analysis more credible. “It definitely does taste like sex, but more so complicated. Darker.”

“Deeper.” You smiled. “Your palette is getting more refined. I’m proud.”

“Are you saying it was bad to begin with?” Hawks pouted, flashing you falsely weepy eyes and a puffed out lip.

You rolled your eyes, “Yes, you yourself have admitted this. You drink canned coffee still, so I can’t even call your taste good.”

Hawks gasped, putting a hand to his chest, “I’m hurt, truly wounded.”

“I’m sure you are, tailfeathers.”

“I really thought I had reliably moved up to ‘birdboy’, angel.”

You snorted, covering your mouth with your hand, “Just goes to show how quickly the tables turn, tailfeathers.”

Hawks’s pager suddenly chimed, a familiar sign. He took a quick look at it and sighed, moving to re-robe. You were surprised by the speed at which he did so, and the way he became tense so quickly. 

It made you realize that he was always tense.

(Unless he was talking to you.)

“I thought today was an office day?” You asked, a bit of a disappointment clouding your voice.

Hawks just gave a small smile, fully plastering back on his heroic facade, “Duty calls. Lots happening lately.”

He flicked his visor back over his eyes, slid you your normalized wad of cash, and whisked himself out the door, immediately taking to the skies from the streets.

He’s in a bit of a hurry.

He... didn’t even say goodbye. 

Wonder what’s happening?

 Truthfully, Keigo was a bit startled by the notice on his pager. The whole reason he’d started patrolling the particular neighborhood the tea shop was in was because there was word of a villain syndicate working nearby. It hardly seemed right for the neighborhood, but Keigo knew that villains hid anywhere. Whatever they were planning was still relatively shrouded, but it was clear that it needed to be treated delicately. That particular neighborhood was rife with pedestrians, businesses, and homes and any sort of villainous activity had the possibility of reaping a heavy amount of collateral damage. Keigo and the Commission had been on their guards about it, but things had been steadily becoming more intense over the past few weeks. 

Plopping himself on a rooftop, Keigo took up residence to stake out his newest lead, watching figures and silhouettes in a nearby office building.

 ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

 Funnily enough, the rest of your week went horribly. Just downright shitty. You figured at some point, things would let up, brighten, but they didn’t. Each day brought some new, personal calamity. 

The first was a trip to the emergency vet with one of your cats after she swallowed a hair tie. An expensive vet bill later, she was perfectly healthy, but you remained wracked with anxiety. 

Another day, the owner of the tea shop paid a visit to chew you out for your newest tea blends not fulfilling his picky seasonal requests. You were relieved it had nothing to do with how Hawks monopolized your time. Still, getting yelled at easily within earshot of both coworkers and customers made your insides twists. 

The final small disaster was when a particularly asshole-ish customer chucked a hot drink all over you and your cute white sweater. One of the younger openers had been dealing with a difficult patron and an incorrect order, nothing out of the ordinary. When you tried to step in and de-escalate the situation, the man ripped the lid from his cup and splashed you with the burning liquid. You held back any sounds of pain even as your skin stung like hell when you offered to remake his drink.

One of your managers luckily allowed you to go home early. Thank god.

By the end of your shitty week, you fell into your apartment and just cried. White sweater stained and day feeling fairly ruined, you let yourself have a good, solid sobbing session to just release how terrible things had been. 

It would pass, you knew. But it sucked at the moment.

It also didn’t help that Hawks had been particularly absent after running out the last time he came around. He’d still managed to shoot you a funny text or two, but mostly, it was silence from him. You rationalized it by reminding yourself of how quickly he flew off at the end of his last visit, hero business forever more pertinent than you and the shop.

You reminded yourself to keep yourself grounded in Hawks obvious impermanence, even if you were starting to get used to (and really like) having the hero around. 

You decided that your Friday evening would be good. You treated yourself to a hot shower, noting with a hiss the pink scalded skin that covered your chest from your collar bones to just below your breasts. You threw on a facemask and uncorked a bottle of wine you had been saving for a rainy day. 

You clicked on one of your favorite shows, an older cartoon that brought you consistent comfort in times like those. Curled up with a knit throw blanket and your healthy cats, it did help soothe the burns, mental and physical.

That is until you got a bit too drunk on red wine and it turned into sad drunk.  

So, you made your way to the roof.

You weren’t fucked up beyond belief, despite the fact that you were towing an open bottle of red in one hand and a pack of cigarettes in the left. The cold would sober you up, along with the nicotine. You hoped it would force you out of your head. 

Upon throwing open the door to your apartment complex’s rooftop, you were made very aware of its wintertime disuse. The gardens that grew during the summer were snowcovered. The chairs and tables for lounging were in a similar state. You didn’t mind. 

The view was still nice. 

You set down your bottle and zipped up your coat. Quickly, you brushed off the flurries from a rickety lawn chair and plopped yourself down. You threw on some music from your phone, playing some sweet, old songs that made your chest ache when you needed it to.

The city stretched in front of you, beyond the rooftop. You didn’t live in a particularly wealthy district, but there was no shortage of dazzling neon and bright street lights dotting the ground below. You watched how the rest of the city stretched far beyond your little pocket, still gleaming with multi-hued lighting and dazzling in the wash of the crescent moon.

You took a swig, fishing for your self-dubbed ‘sad cigarettes’ and lit up. With your exhale, you watched as smoke lazily swirled away, carried by the soft winter wind. If you were any less drunk, you’d be freezing.

A shadow, winged, fell across the snow. 

“You know, I get nervous when I see pretty girls on rooftops with bottles in their hands,” You jumped at the voice, whipping your head to the source.

Hawks stood, scarlet wings fanned outwards, on the lip of the rooftop. 

Your eyes widened.

You took another sip.

He gave an affectionate laugh, jumping down into the area where you were seated.

 Keigo had just been out on his normal, nightly patrol. The leak had been correct and he’d been stealthily tracking the villains while completing the rest of his hero duties. He was able to laugh off his exhaustion, but it was starting to eat him. Several cans of coffee a day was hardly doing it for him. He hid his sleepiness and aches well, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t difficult. All the same, his typical roles had to be fulfilled. 

He was surprised to see you, all alone on a rooftop with a lit cigarette between your fingers. Keigo let himself be surprised before noting that ‘ yes, you definitely probably live in this apartment building and you’re just outside to smoke’, but the sudden jolt of panic he felt was crushingly unbearable. 

Mostly because it was personally protective and not heroically instinctual and he couldn’t start acknowledging that aspect of his feelings for you. Not yet. 

Keigo walked towards you, asking, watching you blink blearily at him “You doing alright?” 

Eyes downcast, you shrugged, “We all feel shitty sometimes. Just depends on how you cope, ‘ya know?”

“And how do you cope, (Y/N)?” Keigo asked, pausing before brushing off a chair. “Mind if I join you for a bit? I could use a second to rest my wings.”

You nodded, almost offering him the bottle, but quickly pulling it back to your chest before taking another inhale. Offering a pro hero alcohol while he was pretty obviously working seemed like a bad move, even in your tipsy state. 

“Most of the time, I watch nice stuff and distract myself, like most people, ya’ know?” You exhaled as you smoked, relishing the nicotine buzz. “Sometimes, though, I just feel extra shitty and need to extra cope.”

Hawks hummed in agreement, sitting back in the chair. His wings were folded up and over its back, the longest feathers trailing in the small snowdrift behind him.

“Do you get cold, being in the sky all the time?” You asked, eyes going cloudy as you stared up at the lights of the city and higher into the sky. 

“Most of the time,” Hawks chuckled, throwing his arms behind his head, “I’ve told you this, angel. It was one of our first conversations.”

Your eyes widened at the realization, mouth open with a hearty laugh.

 It made Keigo’s eyes water a little. He blamed it on the wind. 

 “I’m silly, I can’t believe I forgot,” You nestled back into your chair, tracing the lines between constellations. “It’s the whole reason you came to the teashop in the first place.” 

Your voice resonated, focus foggy. Somewhere else, old memories played in your mind, recounting your first few meetings with Hawks.

A warm, small smile stretched across your face as you traced the stars. 

 Keigo watched, enraptured. You were cute, especially like this. All bundled up in your winter coat, half-zipped. There was a lot less stress in your shoulders than he normally saw at the shop, especially as your thoughts were so far away.

He wanted nothing more than to commit the contours and shadows of your face in the white moonlight to memory, never forgotten in the blissful cold. 

 You interrupted his thoughts so beautifully.

 “Thanks for talking to me.” You took a sip from your bottle just after speaking, half-drowning your words, but Keigo caught each one. “I appreciate you.” 

“P-pardon?” Keigo couldn’t tell if you caught his stutter, but even if you did, you didn’t show it. The comment felt like a jab to his jaw, half-knocking the wind of him and turning him into a filthy masochist. He’d take any whiplash if it meant you saying such kindnesses to him. 

How could you just say shit like that?

What exactly did you mean by that?

Why did your attention make his legs tremble?

You turned your attention from the night sky to Hawks, something like uncertainty bubbling in your chest, “I appreciate you, ya’ know? Coming by the tea shop still, teasing each other and shit, you humoring me—”

Hawks interrupted you, feathers tensing at his back.

“I’m not humoring you.” Hawks deadpanned, staring at you oddly seriously. The yolks of his eyes seemed even more intense in the neon and night light. 

“You’re... not?” 

There was utter disbelief in your voice, accented by the way your jaw was half-opened.

Hawks shook his head, standing in emphasis, feathers fluttering as he did, “ No, angel. Not at all. I visit because...”

I like you.

“Because I like your drinks.”

  Because you make me feel good in a way I’ve never felt.

“You’re fun to talk to, too. Added perk.”

  Because I want to hear your voice when I breathe and when I die. 

“I enjoy it, you know? You're fun.”

 Some feeling in your chest, something full of hope, crushed itself and compacted to the point of pain. You sniffled at his admission, blaming it on the cold. In a fucked up, sad way, part of you was so relieved. 

He likes the shop. He likes your drinks. 

He’s around because he wants to be. 

But not because you’re special to him. 

 His words reminded you of your insignificance in Hawks’s life. No matter how much you craved his attention and words, and more recently found yourself staring at the plumpness of his lips and the curve of his cupids bow and daydreaming about how much you wanted to lean over the tea shop's counter and kiss the constant, teasing smile off his face—

But.

You don’t matter that much to him.

Sure, he likes you, but he’ll never feel the same way about you. 

 You made the decision then to make the most out of Hawk’s affections and sweet words. You’d take what you could get, even if it was fleeting and probably  eventually heartbreaking. It seemed smart, to refuse to get your hopes up for someone so unattainable.

 You let out a shaking sigh, “Thank you, Hawks. I appreciate you coming around. You really light up my day.”

 Keigo saw the fall of your face and bottled himself up. Shoved down everything. Fuck his feeling, fuck how he felt about you, this was all fucking terrifying. It was getting to be too much and he had to try and control himself.

Just like he’d been taught so well.

He was just so happy to be around you. He could squash his feelings, even if they were fairly obviously somewhat mutual. God knows that he didn’t know how to handle anything like that.

On the gods, his pager beeped.

 “Duty calls?” You said, standing up yourself and brushing off the stray snowflakes. 

“Seems so.” Hawks sighed, nodding, “Thanks for letting me rest here. It was good to see you, (Y/N). I’ll see you soon, okay?”

You waved goodbye as Hawks disappeared as quickly as he came, launching himself from the roof with the heavy sound of wing beats. 

Soaring away, Keigo risked a final look at you. He swore he saw tears in your eyes.

He forcibly repressed his feelings, reminding himself that your company, words, and quirk-made beverages were more than enough. The flutter in his chest when he thought of you wouldn’t rest, but he could learn to ignore it. 

 On the roof of your apartment, you felt fatigue in your bones and wetness on your cheeks. You ignored both in favor of smoking another cigarette, soft, melancholy music being your only constant, reliable companion. 

You reminded yourself that he, Hawks, was a temporary fixture, more flighty than most and liked you just enough and for surface-level reasons. You could take that. You’d do anything to be around him more, even if it never amounted to anything. 

You, just as Keigo did, pressed down any larger feelings.

 (The thing about feelings, though, that neither of you was very good at remembering, was that they don’t go away. Sure, you can let them go, but that takes time or a practiced mind!)

(When you take feelings, big, aching, soaking feelings and shove them down into the deepest parts of you, they just tend to make you bleed. The ‘hidden’ feelings color your blood as it spills, even if you don’t notice when it falls and its change in hue.)

(One can only hope that both Keigo and you listened instead of lied.)

 Both of your hearts ached, and neither of you fully understood why.