#i never write fanfic for big sources

[nico-necromancin]

sorry for disappearing from producing good content

i present to wizblr

even more mid content <3

[bkgexe]

if all else fails, i was myself

bakugou x reader ✾ 4.6k

info! no smut sorry gang ✾ tw! trust issues that manifest as issues w physical intimacy/contact, dubcon in its vaguest definition (NOT bkg & reader) ✾ notes! ive been in perpetual writers block for months. is this trite idk. i miss my baby but anytime i write for him im like oops this is gonna be 60k words!!! so here is. a drabble lmao. also big lmao moment this is titled after count me out by kendrick lamar ldskfjdlkjf which was on repeat while writing so uh sorry mr. lamar abt the mha fanfic

katsuki has always known that part of him is wrong.

he’s never liked being touched. every kiss he’s experienced has made him tense as an elevator cable poised to snap. any attempt to go further than that has made him a little ill, made his gut feel like a stack of loose papers being torn to shreds, slow and loud.

it doesn’t help that he’s only ever had three kisses in his life: eijirou at a new year’s party (too many teeth), eijirou again at another new year’s party nearly a decade later (too much tongue), and then his fourth date with kyoka (when he tried to convince himself he just had to push through the discomfort to become normal).

things went further than that. it was a mistake. they both knew it right after it happened—kyoka first, and then katsuki after his head stopped pounding with what if i'm doing this wrong what if she's pitying me for fucking this up what if i don't know how to touch another person correctly what if i was supposed to learn at some point and i missed it how could i fucking miss it will it always be like this because i can't do this again i can't i don't—

“kat," she said after. she looked at him with something only a few degrees removed from pity, and poorly removed at that.

he attempted a halting non-apology. he attempted a real apology. failed at both.

"it's okay, you know," she said. "to not like it."

he scoffed even though he wasn’t entirely clear on what she meant by it, because there was so much he didn’t like. “i like it just fine.”

“if that was liking it, I’m honestly worried about your capacity for enjoying life in general.” it wasn’t a joke. her bluntness was something that'd made katsuki think he could push his boundaries with her. all of her thoughts were laid out plain for him to read, an open-source journal. “i'm just saying you don't have to like it. and you don’t have to force yourself to do things you don’t want to do. don't fuck yourself over for someone else's happiness.”

kyoka still texts him often, checks in, invites him to drinks with their friends. she’s kind. she’s normal. she doesn’t have this weird, shredded thing inside her that makes her balk at the idea of someone’s hand on her skin. that makes her think she's doing something wrong, even if she's not the one that initiated the touch.

when you started your job at the front desk of katsuki’s agency, he never thought that he'd be here, wishing above everything that he could just be normal. just for one fucking day, so he could laugh at your shitty jokes and maybe brush his knuckles across the back of your hand in passing and take you on a date where he could kiss you in his car after driving you home and the thought wouldn’t make his skin crawl, wouldn't tear up his insides to pulp.

because he fucked everything up. he's standing in his empty office where you'd been spending time with him and he fucked it up and hurt you and he's not sure how to unfuck it.

the thing is, he could grin and bear it. he could deal with the odd thing inside him that hates the contact and white-knuckle it through every kiss, every caress. but he’s never been a great actor. he wouldn’t be able to hide that from you.

(kyoka told him, years later, that it’s not that the sex itself wasn’t fine—what made it nearly unbearable for her was the fact that she could tell, only after it was too late, that being physically vulnerable with her pained him far more than he was willing to reveal.)

no one wants to feel like the person they’re with is grinning and bearing it. that they’re white-knuckling it through. katsuki knows this. he knows he’s basically a fucking virgin all but in title at thirty and that he’s got the personality of a dried-out fig you find in your fridge weeks after its last edible moments. he doesn't have much to offer.

but he walked into work one day and nodded at you, curt, a grimace on his face—and you smiled at him so kindly that his stomach twisted.

with you, it wasn't the feeling of something being torn apart. it was different, lighter. leaves wrenched into the sky by a strong breeze. still a kind of tearing, but different—less destructive.

he was wearing a deep carmine sweater his mom sent him in one of her bi-monthly care packages (as if he’s not an adult, and a pro-hero on top of that), and you said, “that’s such a nice color on you. is it new?”

there was that breeze inside his chest, strong, pulling at his bones. “yeah,” he grunted. then slowly, as if remembering how: “thanks.”

it was the attention, he thought at first, that piqued his interest. he wasn't used to it. people always watched him from afar, and he had fans online that were borderline obsessive, but people didn’t approach him. they didn’t say that’s such a nice color on you. they didn’t smile the way you smile.

he’s always had a shallow streak. it’s not like he doesn’t know this. it’s become a little muted over time, a little discouraged by the visible scarring on his face and body from his time in the field, but it’s never fully been eradicated. so it was simple, he thought. you paid him attention and stroked his ego, and he preened like a self-obsessed bird of paradise.

and then you started making these little origami whale sharks.

fucking stupid. it bothered him an annoying amount. you had a bunch at your desk, all different colors and sizes, some taped to your desktop monitor, some hung up with little pieces of string under the desk's storage overhang. you drew dots on the back of each one, a distinct spotted pattern that was unique for each shark. and you made them for everyone but him. eijirou bought you a pack of high quality origami paper and you made him his own fucking school, all with little faces, winking or surprised or angry, their wide paper mouths gaping and empty, the lines of their bodies pressed careful and sure.

he hated it. it was annoying and a waste of company time and he usually didn’t ever use dumb corporate slogans like “a waste of company time” but you were really pushing his fucking limits.

it was definitely just the attention he liked, he told himself, because surely someone doing something as dumb as this would annoy him to no fucking end if he spoke to them.

and then he spoke to you and he was wrong.

he asked why you made the damn things in the first place and you told him, “i like whale sharks. but to be totally honest, i just run out of things to do."

and he saw that as a challenge. you were running out of things to do? rest assured he could find more shit for you to take care of. so he did. tasks that he wouldn't wish on his worst enemy, they were so dull and time-consuming. and you were so achingly competent that it drove him up a fucking wall. you completed everything he asked of you in half the time it would take someone else, and you always reported back with a smile, and you always did good work, and he could see himself having a conversation with you about something other than work but he didn't want to try because he was worried he'd begin to like you as a person.

you're pretty. really fucking pretty. he can see that now, and he sure as fuck saw it then. you're hardworking. you're just likeable, and that's something katsuki had never been. it (reluctantly) impressed him. worse than that, it turned his feelings for you into a sort of interest.

but he knows he's not normal when it comes to things like this.

he tried to distance himself from you because of it, but it turns out that asking someone to do work for you means you do have to speak to them sometimes. and sometimes turned into a lot of times.

sometimes turned into bringing him coffee in the morning, not because he asked you to, but because you're sweet like that. sometimes turned into being the person he bounced ideas off of when he had a board meeting coming up or something otherwise boring and meticulous. sometimes turned into you laughing at his prickly comments rather than going quiet because of them. turned into you saying suck it up, dynamight, this is what it means to be the boss when he complained about doing paperwork.

sometimes turned into staying late with him at the office, getting take out for the two of you to share while you finished filing claims and damage reports and other stuff he hated taking care of by himself. sometimes turned into him asking you to stay late just because he wanted you there. because even when he was quiet, you'd tell him about your day, about things that happened in the office, about how much you like the book you'd both been reading. he loved listening to you talk. felt comfortable enough to tell you things about himself when he'd never felt comfortable doing that before.

sometimes turned into you holding out a piece of fried tofu from your take-out container for him to eat while he was approving time-off forms that he should have looked at much earlier that week, and you being so close that he could notice how good you smelled, and the warmth of your body basically radiated towards him, like all your energy was focused on him, and your smile was small but somehow even more lovely than usual, a secret for him to tuck away and keep, and when you finished feeding him and he had a little sauce on the corner of his mouth and you reached forward to wipe it off for him and your hand lingered there for a moment and your eyes fell to his lips and what if you try to kiss me and i'm wrong and you hate me for it and what if i can't give you what you want and what if i'm not actually what you want what if i've disappointed you already what if—

it was too much.

so he fucked it up. your thumb was so soft against his skin. he reeled backwards in his chair, rolling it whole feet clear of you, and he felt the tearing again, the bad kind, like paper unevenly shredded by clumsy hands, and he had to leave. he had to leave. he needed to leave so badly that it felt like pulling his skin off would be preferable to being in that office with you.

hiding in the bathroom was fucking pitiful. he remembered his breathing exercises. he remembered to ground himself. and when he came back to his office, you were gone.

if he was normal—and he wants to be normal, god fucking damn—he could have stomached your proximity. he could have eaten out of your fucking hand. he could have touched you back like a normal person probably would have and he wouldn't be here, alone, looking at a little purple sticky note you left him that says i finished organizing the pto forms. i hope you feel better!

he doesn't know whose pride you're trying to save with that. as if you didn't leave because he made things so fucking awkward by running away from you when you touched him. when you—maybe, if he was reading the room correctly—were about to kiss him.

and you don't speak to him for days. he doesn't want to push so he doesn't—just watches you out of the corner of his eye whenever you're both in the same room, which is arguably worse. he's not sure. he's just itching to fucking talk to you because he misses it.

he misses you. in a more-than-friends way.

it takes a while for him to realize this. when he does, it hits him like a metal rod up the side of the head. it's fucked up of him to miss you the way he does when he doesn't feel like he can provide you with the things a normal person could. and though he's worked on his patience over the years—worked on understanding that he can't have everything he wants—it doesn't stop him from being selfish and finally pulling you aside to talk.

and baffling as fucking ever, the first thing you say is sorry. "i know i should've talked to you about it earlier. i just—i shouldn't have done that. and i know it. i shouldn't have assumed that—i don't know. that you..."

you look helpless. it's one of the very few times that katsuki has ever felt the compulsion to touch someone. not because he wants the touch, per se, but because he wants to be able to provide comfort. he never figured out how to do that with words. he's so focused on his inability to comfort you that he barely has any idea of what you're actually talking about. instead of doing anything at all, he just stands there like a fuckwad.

"i just want you to know that i would never—like never—have touched you, or tried to... if i didn't think there was like, a vibe?" you shake your head, exasperated with yourself. "god, even that sounds so bad. i'm sorry, i just—"

"wait, what are—?" and then it clicks, because he's been slow on the uptake figuring out his shit when he should have been focusing way more on yours. "there was..." katsuki says, and he fucking hates that he can't find better words for what you were both feeling in his office, "a vibe."

the way your face changes when you're flustered is one of katsuki's favorite things, but it's not as enjoyable when he feels just as flustered as you look. "i—oh? so... so you—?"

his ears feel like they're being attacked by two heated straightening irons and he knows they're red as hell right now. he's gonna have to say this plainly even though he'd rather get his teeth pulled out one by one with a pair of pliers. "it's not you."

your expression loses any sort of hope it once held. you press your lips together and sigh, maybe a little exasperated. he's doing his best here but he knows his best is shit. "i can handle a non-cliché rejection," you tell him. "honestly, i'd prefer a non-cliché rejection—"

"i'm not trying to reject you," he says, and it's selfish of him. because he's really not. he isn't comfortable with the things you'd want from him, but he still wants you in some capacity. "i just don't—do shit like that."

"kissing?"

somehow knowing for sure that you did want to kiss him in his office makes him want you more. he likes that you're bold. he likes that you're not ashamed of that. he wants to be different than he is. "any... of it," he struggles to admit.

"at all?"

he nods.

"just—like touching, and stuff?"

it sounds so juvenile that he can't help but laugh through his nose, roll his eyes. "yeah. touching and stuff."

"oh."

you're disappointed. of course you are. it's not like he expected anything different, but—sometimes he fucking hates his life. hates that he can't be the thing people need him to be. hates that trying is so difficult, that it flings his stomach into space, like a throwing stone skipping across a still lake.

"so you don't go on dates, or anything."

"haven't tried."

"do you not want to?" you ask, and he can tell it's more of a genuine question than anything. you're curious about him, like you always are. it's more than he deserves, for all he can offer.

"doesn't make sense to."

"that's not what i asked."

it's not. and so katsuki listens as you ask your question again, and he really takes a moment to think.

considering the answer to your question leads him to his first date with you. and his second, and his third—his fourth, and he's keenly aware that his last fourth date ended with what he expects all dates are supposed to end with.

he takes you to the aquarium. because of all the fucking origami whale sharks. you still haven't given him one and it sticks in his craw like a bone. in front of the backlit tank that holds sharks of all types, shapes and sizes and teeth he's never pictured possible of a living creature before, he asks, "why sharks?"

you look at him, brow raised. "i don't know. they probably needed the biggest tank in the aquarium. and this looks like the biggest tank."

"no, dumbass—your sharks. the ones all over the fuckin' office."

"what, you don't like them?" you ask, but you're smiling, sly.

he shrugs. he thinks they're dumb as hell. he wants one to hang up at work, like the ones you've got hung up at your desk. "they're whatever. they clutter the fuck out of ei's office. and he's already got issues organizing." you've just made eijirou so many at his point, and it's getting ridiculous. "but what—are they easy to make, or something?"

you laugh a little. "no. not at all, actually." a whale shark swims by, its spotted hide shimmering in the tank's eerie blue lighting, and you watch it intently. "but it'd be boring if it was too easy."

this date ends with him walking you home from the aquarium a few blocks from your apartment and you smiling at him and telling him that you had a really great time, and he feels like a fucking freak because you don't even expect more. you don't wait for a kiss. don't look disappointed that he doesn't try to give you one. the way you look at him holds so much affection that he doesn't deserve and he has no idea how to reciprocate it to you, and somehow he lands on, "make me one."

"one what?" you ask, but he thinks you already know what he's asking. you like to play coy. he likes it when you play coy. when you're enjoying yourself.

"one of your little fuckin' paper things," he mutters, because admitting that he wants one of those dumbass sharks feels somehow demeaning. he doesn't want you to know how much he's wanted one. "ei's got a million of 'em."

your hand was on your door handle, but it falls to your side. he's keenly aware of its proximity to him. he doesn't feel that terrible ripping in his gut and its absence is almost frightening to him. your fingers tighten into a fist. it's cold out. "ah, and you're jealous?"

"no," he says, knee-jerk. "i just don't get why everyone gets one but me."

you smile when he says this and he could live in this image of you, delicate and small and made for him. he goes home and thinks about it until he falls asleep. thinks about it even beyond then, feels that strong breeze inside him tearing every leaf from its grounded perch.

here's the thing—nothing against jirou, but unlike his other fourth date, this one was enjoyable. more than. he loved watching you be amazed by the size of the whale sharks, and he loved watching you put a bunch of coins into the penny press and cranking the machine until one was squeezed out into the pattern you wanted, and he loved watching you lay your hand against the glass where the rubbery wings of a flood of stingrays battled for your attention, and—

he loved watching you. that's weird, right? he sounds like a fucking lunatic thinking that.

but he does. he hadn't realized until now how difficult it had been not only to touch people, but to look at them. maintaining eye contact, watching someone do a simple task out of interest instead of staring them down in an attempt to intimidate them. he's so much more fucked up than he thought but what makes it bearable is that he can do it with you. he can watch the way you enjoy things and feel like he's not intruding on something he shouldn't. without even trying, you make him feel welcome—wanted.

that's it. you make him feel wanted.

the realization affects him in a way he doesn't understand. at work the next day, when you smile at him over the top of the front desk, he feels something incredibly strong—something like instinct—that tells him to touch you. small. a thumb brushed across your cheek. his fingers grazing yours. he wants it in a way that can't be right because he's never wanted to touch someone like this.

he doesn't do it, but he thinks about it all day. your little smiles when you notice him watching you on your dates, the way your fingers graze your lips when you cover your laugh, the softness in the way you regard him. you're quiet, reserved, but when you laugh you laugh hard. he wants your soft, your quiet and your loud, he wants the feeling of your fingers on his lips, he wants your smallest smiles, all things he wishes he could fold up and keep and later display somewhere he can always see them. a school of paper fish, gaping mouths and drawn-on spots and such carefully pressed lines.

so on the eleventh date—(he knows it's ridiculous to count, but he's never spent this much time with one person before, not like this)—he reaches for your hand when you're walking alongside the bay, the air turning cold in the wake of the sunset that the two of you had just witnessed. that's romantic, you'd teased when he asked you to watch it with him. he'd rolled his eyes, shrugged you off.

but maybe he wanted it to be romantic. maybe he wanted to make this as normal as possible for you because nothing has been normal between the two of you so far.

you pull back when he reaches for you, as if on instinct. look up at him, confused, when he reaches out again. "katsuki..." you say, and it sounds as if he's done something wrong.

he tries not to let his brain spiral but thoughts drip inwards. water meeting a dented hull. what has he done this time? what else has he fucked up by being fundamentally wrong?

"you know..." you start, and you lose your words.

he thinks of kyoka, years ago. it's okay, you know. to not like it. he wonders if you'll still text him like she does.

your lips pull into a frown before you speak and katsuki can't breathe. "i was never gonna ask on my own because i know you don't like talking about things like this if you don't bring it up. but—um. katsuki—do you think i expect something from you?"

"huh?" he asks, dumb. breathing is still something he fails to do.

"i know that this is—different. i know you have some things going on that make the physical part hard for you." you look up at him so earnestly, and he loves looking at you. he loves looking at you and doesn't want to have to stop and he's worried that this is it. the moment he'll have to stop. you try to smile and it's small and he wants it all for himself. careful. delicate. secret, for him. "i'm not gonna lie to you. i don't know what a relationship without that kind of stuff looks like. but that doesn't mean i'm not willing to find out. it's—i don't need you to try to do something you think i want you to do."

"i'm not."

"it makes me feel a little sick, kat. honestly. it makes me feel like, i don't know—like i'm taking advantage of you, or something—"

"you're not."

"you don't have to do things like that to keep me around." you look flustered, eyes darting from his face to the skyline. "if you want me, i'm—you know."

it's okay, you know. "i don't know."

"i'm yours," you say, and cringe immediately at your words. "or like—i could be, you know, kind of whatever you wanted, if you—if that's what you want. would want."

katsuki can only remember a few times when his head was this quiet in the presence of someone else. when he trusted someone enough to let his mind go blank, to let himself act on instinct. "can i kiss you?"

you sigh. "this is what i was saying. i don't want you to—"

"no," he says, quiet, and he's closer to you than he's ever been. he likes the way you smell. he's not gonna apologize if that's weird. "i just want—god, i feel pathetic asking again. can i just—?"

just, just, just. just a touch, just a kiss, just a moment of your fucking time—it's all he wants. and he's never wanted like this. he's never trusted like this. his head has never quieted entirely because he's so sure that he's not going to disappoint you, or be something you don't actually want, or be wrong.

you've shown him that he can't be wrong with you, regardless of whether or not something within him is broken.

your lips are warm, a little chapped from the dry air, and he tries to remember what kissing chastely is but it's like something breaks in him further the second the two of you touch. his hands are cradling your face, his tongue is gliding against your tongue, his teeth are clacking against your teeth, and he knows the kiss is bad and wrong and messy but he suddenly needs it. he needs to feel you.

you make a noise against him and worry slices into his stomach before he realizes it's a quiet, breathy moan, and maybe you've been okay without the touch but that doesn't mean you don't enjoy it when you receive it. he can tell he hasn't made his boundaries clear enough—your hands circle his wrists, too cautious to go further, too hesitant to grip him like he thinks you want to. like he wants you to want to.

his teeth hit yours again and you laugh, and he pulls back, stomach tight. there's a hope in him that's ready to be torn.

you see it in his face—the fear. "i love kissing you," you blurt out, as if it's the only reassurance you can think of in the moment. "i mean—you're just." you laugh again, and he realizes it's nerves. you're just as nervous as he is. "can i—can we go somewhere warm? and maybe do this more? or—if this was enough—"

he's pulling you towards his apartment before you can get another word out.

kissing you is easy because you make him feel like it's relatively new for you as well. maybe that's how it feels for everyone every time, but he wouldn't know. he just feels comfortable with you. like you're not so much better than him, like you're not waiting to laugh at him when he fucks up, like you're touching him because you really want to.

so he takes you to his apartment and puts you on his couch and kisses you until your back is against the armrest and he's looming over you and you feel comfortable enough that your hands stray from his wrists to his shoulders to his hair and he didn't even know touching someone could feel like this.

put aside the fact that he's nearly finished in his fucking jeans three times just from your fingers running across his back, from the way you cup his cheek when he pulls back for air because he keeps forgetting to breathe—just having you close is intoxicating. he wants to bury his face in the curve of your shoulder, he wants to bite marks into your skin that'll stay vibrant for weeks, he wants to etch himself into you so deeply that he doesn't have to leave. these wants aren't even sexual—it's something about having you be his. i'm yours, you'd told him, and he hadn't even known that it would be exactly what he needed to hear.

he's in love with you, which isn't shocking to him, but he knows he shouldn't be in love with you yet because people that aren't fucked up in the head don't feel shit like this so quickly. he's not gonna tell you this for a very long time, but he knows—so completely and confidently—that he will reach a point when he can tell you.

"you sure you want this?" he asks, breathy, between kisses.

you stop kissing him, brows raised in surprise. "katsuki, we don't... this is a lot for one night. we can take it slow, still."

"that's—i'm not talking about that." he gives in, then—lets himself bury his face in the crook of your neck, lets himself breathe in deep, lets himself find your hands and intertwine your fingers, and you can probably feel that he's hard as fucking metal for you but that's not what's important right now. it sure as hell makes it awkward to try to have a serious conversation, though. "you sure you wanna deal with all... you know. my stuff."

"are you sure you wanna deal with all of my stuff?" you counter, and he pulls back to look at you. kissed rotten and smiling. "of course i want to deal with it. i like you."

and he likes you too. god, he likes you so fucking much.

the next morning, long after you've left for home, he finds a little orange whale shark hidden behind the alarm clock on his bedside table, stars in the place of eyes, and the trace of you is enough to make him feel warm. to hope that over time his apartment becomes full of the little paper creatures until his home is its own aquarium, until everywhere he looks is a memory of all you've brought him—pieces of you, perfectly arranged and delicately folded by your careful hands, much too gentle to tear.

[tossawary]

Every now and again, I'll come across some fanfiction in which an emotionally conflicted character will consult (usually kind of trashy) romance novels or in-universe fanfiction for advice or information. And it almost always snaps my suspension of disbelief.

If it's some terminally online teenage geek character or a hopeless romantic bookworm character? Sure! And, of course, there's great humor to be had in a sporty jock struggling with his queer awakening hesitantly picking up the bodice-ripper that his mum left on the coffee table. There ARE scenarios where "romance novels and fanfic as research" tracks just fine. I also understand the existence of the "I want to give this character I like the hobbies I like" / "I want to poke fun at this type / genre of fiction" aspect on the author's side.

But in any scenario with some normie adult man? Some straight, cisgender guy with normie dude hobbies and no evidence that he even CAN read, much less that he enjoys reading? Then it's a "not only would he not fucking do this, I honestly don't even believe he'd know this course of action exists" characterization situation.

Like, there are an astonishing number of people, especially dudes, who could not even name a romance novel to save their fucking life. No, not even a Jane Austen novel or "Twilight" or something. Their eyes glaze over that section of a bookstore. They are mentally filing that shit out to leave more room for sports or first-person-shooter video games or something. They have no respect for this type of fiction, if they're into reading fiction at all! They unconsciously or even explicitly believe that making eye contact with a bodice-ripper will permanently damage their masculinity, and they would flinch away from touching one like most people are scared of scorpions. They don't know aaaaanything about it! They have no concept of "the good stuff" versus "the bad stuff"; it's all soap operas and pornography to them, not a source of information.

And lots of people still don't even know that fanfiction is a thing. They go through life blissfully unaware of fandom wank. Or if they do know of fanfiction, it holds no appeal for them. Playing with other people's characters, or writing fictional stories about real people, is weirdo fanatic behavior to them! Not a source of information.

(And, to be clear, I'm not saying this tracks for all female characters. No, obviously, plenty of women don't like romance novels or fanfic. Plenty of women who do like those would never look at them as sources of information either, for a variety of very good reasons. It's just really funny when a story has the most normie bro guy to ever bro engage with this type of fiction.)

So, like, no, there are some characters whom I cannot be persuaded would ever read any of this stuff. (Speaking as a terminally online fanatic!) And honestly, there are plenty of more realistic and far funnier options for some normie dude character looking for love advice.

A) Friends and family. Or else colleagues and coworkers. It is almost always hilarious when a character goes up to someone else and says, "Hey, hypothetical scenario: [the stupidest shit you've heard in your life]. Any advice for that?" Also, you can have sincerely emotional conversations between friends! Or else good angst if the friend or family member reacts in a hostile manner or gives bad advice!

B) A magazine or chick flick movie. I can easily be persuaded that a normie dude would at least know these exist, or have one left at his house by an ex-girlfriend who made him watch it one time. Normie dudes are also more likely to consider these big publications more legitimate for advice than random romance novels or fanfic.

C) Some random advice column blog or non-fiction self-help book. Could be legitimately good advice for specific situations by a thoughtful professional, could be a money-grab scam written by a quack! How is some lovesick, emotionally dense guy supposed to tell by a book cover?

D) On that note: a relationship advice TikTok influencer or YouTuber or some random advice forum, probably Reddit or the like. The pros and the quacks are unhelpfully everywhere now! And possibly even have a live chat acting as their studio audience to make airing dirty laundry more toxic than ever. Potentially, you will find the kindest person alive with a terrible username willing to gently walk you through therapy, the online equivalent of meeting a figurative angel in a dive bar, but probably not. Bad advice is much more likely.

E) Doing no research, remaining uninformed, and blustering through the situation based on random pre-conceptions if anything. Honestly, I think some of these guys would just ignore the problem, even a potentially deadly problem, rather than touch a Harlequin romance novel, much less AO3 fanfiction. Sexism and internalized homophobia are a hell of a drug. It's just not happening.

I don't have a clean conclusion for this, it's just a funny thing that I've noticed every now and again. There ARE guys who like these types of fiction, of course! There ARE male characters who own an e-reader full of rom novels, sure, and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks. "This [normie male character who is both pretty offline and worries about appearing sufficiently masculine in a pretty toxic way] is reading a lot of romance novels and/or fanfiction as a form of research!" Yeah, no, that's really hard to pull off. If this guy is touching the internet at all, he's far more likely to make the most ridiculous Reddit post you've ever seen and then start belligerent fights in the comments.

[some-triangles]

This is the order of events as nearly as I can reconstruct them.

In 2008 I start following a webcomic called Problem Sleuth.

In 2009 Problem Sleuth wraps up. The author, Andrew Hussie, begins work on 🤡's next project, a mixed media piece called Homestuck.

In 2010 I become an evangelist for Homestuck. I spread the word to my college friend Stephen. He joins an online Homestuck RP group. I move to New York. That fall, Stephen visits me and introduces me to a guy from the group named Josh, who plays Rose. I am immediately infatuated.

In 2011 Stephen starts development on a real life Pesterchum app. I organize a Homestuck group cosplay and we go to Anime Central with our whole college anime club dressed up as trolls. I sit in a field with 50 Daves. I write my first Homestuck fanfiction, which is also my first anything fanfiction. Josh moves into my apartment. Stephen is dating a pair of bisexual cosplayers. Act 5 concludes. It is Peak Homestuck.

In 2012 my girlfriend tells me that I am no longer allowed to talk about Homestuck with her. The What Pumpkin organization - Homestuck is too big to be one person's project anymore - launches a kickstarter for a Homestuck video game, which raises 2.5 million dollars. At the same time, it is becoming clear that something is wrong with Homestuck itself. The author is fed up with the project but is now financially bound to it. The content becomes increasingly mean-spirited and critical of its audience as What Pumpkin tries to turn itself into a game company.

In 2013 What Pumpkin loses a significant chunk of its Kickstarter money - how much we'll never know - through a comical series of development boondoggles. Stephen launches a Kickstarter to fund an expansion of the Pesterchum app - now the haunt of a large online community - and What Pumpkin shuts it down. Josh no longer reads Homestuck but we're still living together and we start a podcast.

In 2014 Homestuck is mostly on hiatus. When it returns I start this blog, which was originally called "Two Triangles," after Dirk's shades. Most of the old crew have stopped caring about Homestuck but I am a die-hard. I write more fanfiction, mostly lesbian fluff. I begin to meet new people who are still invested in the whole thing. This and the podcast become the core of my new social world. Homestuck itself is getting more and more chaotic and diffuse but I still believe Andrew can tie it all together.

In 2015 I break. I write a fanfic called "Theatre of Coolty," which is my Dear John letter to Andrew Hussie. (I kill him in the story, which is par for the course.) It becomes the most popular thing I have ever made, and is most likely the most popular thing I ever will make. It is translated into multiple languages. A person called Naked Bee (who becomes another dear friend) turns it into a short film with puppets. I have grown to hate Homestuck but it is now my primary source of external validation and the foundation of my social media presence.

In 2016 Homestuck ends. The last year of its existence is an extraordinary act of creative self-erasure. Hussie vanishes by degrees, and by the time the finale rolls out no trace of 🤡's writing or art is left in the product. It is an abnegation worthy of Prospero. To complete this act of conceptual self-destruction, 🤡 ends up selling the entire product to Viz, who let it corrode. (Nine years later, homestuck.com is a dead link, mspaintadventures an abandoned swamp of broken pngs.) Meanwhile, I provide the narration for Bee's audio adaptation of a novel-length Homestuck fanfiction called Detective Pony, which she later turns into a feature film. The author of the fic/novel goes on to Kickstart a dating sim based on the 2016 Republican primary, which he calls Grand Old Academy. It has yet to be published.

In 2017 I leave New York. My friendship with Josh deteriorates and our podcast ends. I am no longer a Homestuck fan. As such I rebrand - the number of triangles I am is no longer anyone's business.

--

In 2021, Andrew Hussie releases a visual novel called Psycholonials. I do not read it.

--

In 2025, I am back in New York, albeit not in the city. I'm married to someone I met through this blog. Most of my closest friends are people I met either through Homestuck or through the projects that came out of it. Even my college friends - the ones I still talk to - are the ones who went through the wars with me. My wife thinks Psycholonials is worth reading. One night we sit down and play through it together.

Psycholonials is a nasty, nihilistic little story about a fucking idiot who accidentally creates a movement and then runs away like a bitch when it gets to be too much, back into the bosom of 🤡's trust fund. It's also really good. It has all the things I loved about Homestuck, all the stuff I missed as 🤡 left it to rot. It demonstrates that 🤡 is not washed, that the failure of Homestuck was not because 🤡 lost the juice. 🤡 abandoned us on purpose. 🤡 chose 🤡 over us.

This was objectively the correct decision. And when you come right down to it, 🤡 never signed up to change my life. It just happened.

Still, I can't say that it doesn't hurt a little, sitting here in my 40s. I guess everyone follows at least one failed messiah. So, yet another farewell to the cool big brother I never had. I hope this is the last one.

[trainsinanime]

The darkly ironic thing is that if you are worried about the recent news that someone scraped Ao3 for AI research, then you're probably vastly underestimating the scale of the problem. It's way worse than you think.

For the record, a couple of days ago, someone posted a "dataset for AI research" on reddit, which was simply all publicly accessible works on Ao3, downloaded and zipped. This is good, in a way, because that ZIP file is blatantly illegal, and the OTW managed to get it taken down (though it's since been reuploaded elsewhere).

However, the big AI companies, like OpenAI, xAI, Meta and so on, as well as many you've never heard of, all probably had no interest in this ZIP file to begin with. That was only ever of interest to small-scale researchers. These companies probably already have all that data, received by scraping it themselves.

A lot of internet traffic at the moment is just AI companies sucking up whatever they can get. Wikipedia reports that about a third of all visitors are probably AI bots (and they use enormous amounts of bandwidth). A number of sites hosting software source code estimate that more than 90% of all traffic to their sites may be AI bots. It's all a bit fuzzy since most AI crawlers don't identify themselves as such, and pretend to be normal users.

The OTW hasn't released any similar data as far as I am aware, but my guess would be that Ao3 is being continuously crawled by all sorts of AI companies at every moment of the day. If you have a fanfic on Ao3, and it isn't locked to logged-in users only, then it's already going to be part of several AI training data sets. Only unlike this reddit guy, we'll never know for sure, because these AI training data sets won't be released to the public. Only the resulting AI models, or the chat bots that use these models, and whether that's illegal is… I dunno. Nobody knows. The US Supreme Court will probably answer that in 5-10 years time. Fun.

The solution I've seen from a lot of people is to lock their fics. That will, at best, only work for new fics and updates, it's not going to remove anything that e.g. OpenAI already knows.

And, of course, it assumes that these bots can't be logged in. Are they? I have no way of knowing. But if I didn't have a soul and ran an AI company, I might consider ordering a few interns to make a couple dozen to hundreds of Ao3 accounts. It costs nothing but time due to the queue system, and gets me another couple of million words probably.

In other words: I cannot guarantee that locked works are safe. Maybe, maybe not.

Also, I don't think there's a sure way to know whether any given work is included in the dataset or not. I suppose if ChatGPT can give you an accurate summary when you ask, then it's very likely to be in, but that's by no means a guarantee either way.

What to do? Honestly, I don't know. We can hope for AI companies to go bankrupt and fail, and I'm sure a lot of them will over the next five years, but probably not all of them. The answer will likely have to be political and on an international stage, which is not an easy terrain to find solutions for, well, anything.

Ultimately it's a personal decision. For myself, I think the joy I get from writing and having others read what I've written outweighs the risks, so my stories remain unlocked (and my blog posts as well, this very text will make its way into various data sets before too long, count on it). I can totally understand if others make other choices, though. It's all a mess.

Sorry to start, middle and end this on a downer, but I think it's important to be realistic here. We can't demand useful solutions for this from our politicians if we don't understand the problems.

[snovyda]

Fanfic Plagiarism alert!

Attention, especially for the people in the following fandoms: Mission: Impossible (specifically Benthan) and Top Gun Maverick.

It brings me no joy to say that we have a big problem in these fandoms - a shameless serial plagiarist who copies other people's fanfics from other fandoms, changes character names and sometimes a few desciptions of the settings or adds a few sentences or paragraphs when they feel generous, and posts them as their own. It is literally Ctrl+C / Ctrl+V type of thing.

My friends and I have reported this person repeatedly on ao3, but we still have not received any response from the staff.

Seeing posts from fellow Benthan fans who are excited about the fact that we are getting close to having 1000 Benthan fics on ao3 makes me sad because of this, because I know quite a few of them are just not legit, and, since ao3 has not responded in months, I guess I have to do a good old public call-out.

This person is known on ao3 by the pen name rosexpetals. If they are reading this, I can only recommend them to delete the stolen works (not just the ones listed in this post, if more are stolen, they can be found later anyway) and take a long look at themselves and reflect on their actions. I wish for them to discover the actual joys of writing something of their own, of expressing their own feelings instead of hijacking other people's.

Below the cut are the links to the works and their sources that I and a couple of friends were able to find using just a simple quick Google search. Out of their 96 published fics, at least 29 are provably stolen (and those are just the ones we were able to find via simple searches), which gives off a strong feeling that none of their work is really original. Some of them were copied from the same source twice. 9 more fics are copies of each other, but in different fandoms (very likely just copied from the same sources). As you will see below, sometimes they didn't even bother to change the title of the original fic they were stealing from or its summary:

Fandom: Mission: Impossible (Benthan)

Fic: where's the trophy? (he just comes running over to me) Plagiarized from: where's the trophy? (he just comes running over to me) (by riceenthusiast)

Fic: and i'll hold onto you Plagiarized from: Tender Loving Care (by as_with_a_sunbeam)

Fic: bedroom eyes like a remedy Plagiarized from: Keep Me Afloat (by Atalia_Gold)

Fic: i'm sinking, our fingers entwined Plagiarized from: Kisses to Make it Better (by steviewashere)

Fic: the way you hold me (is actually what's holy) Plagiarized from: scars. (by letthesongtakeflight)

Fic: call it what you want to Plagiarized from: care & feeding (by glim)

Fic: my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand Plagiarized from: Their Fingers Run With Blood (by FoundInTheStars)

Fic: cause saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts Plagiarized from: Shrill Wails That Steal The Air (by Metalbvcky)

Fic: wherever you stray, i follow Plagiarized from: the fate of a con (by shrewritesall)

Fic: fall into me and i'll catch you, darlin' Plagiarized from: Safety II (by zozofia)

Fic: i hear the sound of my own voice, asking you to stay Plagiarized from: ['til you sizzle, what a lovely way to burn] (by tacos_are_tasty)

Fic: all's well that ends well to end up with you Plagiarized from: would it be enough if i could never give you peace? (by playthetyrants)

Fic: this most assuredly counts Plagiarized from: Must've Done Something Right (by fides_rationem)

Fic: something to rely on Plagiarized from: Unguarded (by trufflemores)

Fic: your string of lights is still bright to me Plagiarized from: your string of lights is still bright to me (by blueberriesandcream)

Fandom: Top Gun: Maverick

Fic: bigger than the whole sky Plagiarized from: Bigger Than The Whole Sky (by catrasredemption)

Fic: look at this godforsaken mess that you made me Plagiarized from: for you i would ruin myself (by mraudersmoon)

Fic: i love you, i adore you (i lay my life before you) Plagiarized from: All That I've Been Yearning For (by Sokkas_First_Fangirl)

Fic: starry eyes sparkin' up my darkest night Plagiarized from: Of Speeches and Sofas (by as_with_a_sunbeam)

Fic: i don't wanna lose you (that's the kinda heartbreak time can never mend) Plagiarized from: would it be enough if i could never give you peace? (by playthetyrants) - yes, same fic copied again

Fic: you can see it with the lights out Plagiarized from: Tender Loving Care (by as_with_a_sunbeam) - yes, AGAIN

Fic: and i'll forget you (but i'll never forgive) Plagiarized from: Hold Me Closer (by sweet_symphony0)

Fic: you can hear it in the silence (you can feel it on the way home) Plagiarized from: I'd search you in all of my lives (by sunflwrs)

Fic: and my destination (makes it worth the while) Plagiarized from: Pushing Through The Darkness (Still Another Mile) (by Sokkas_First_Fangirl)

Fic: give up on you, my dear (i will never) Plagiarized from: I Lay My Life Before You (by Sokkas_First_Fangirl)

Fic: as if you were a mythical thing Plagiarized from: The Ghost in the Attic (by as_with_a_sunbeam)

Fic: you drew stars (around my scars) Plagiarized from: Value (by trufflemores)

Fic: in my life (i love you more) Plagiarized from: Whistle, I'll Be There (by lovetheblazer)

Fandom: The Beatles RPF

Fic: can't ignore the rest of the world; can you stay and make me feel better? Plagiarized from: love me, always (by darkdisrepair)

Self-copied fics posted by the same person in different fandoms (possibly copied from the same sources)

Benthan fandom: sit with you in the trenches Top Gun fandom: you're all i want, i'll never let you go

Benthan fandom: i vowed i would always be yours Top Gun fandom: standing at the crossroads, no desire to run

Benthan fandom: can we always be this close? Top Gun fandom: in all your pain (i will carry you, always)

Benthan fandom: i know you're scared (and your pain is imperfect) Glee fandom: i'll never let you go The Beatles fandom: my pain fits in the palm of your freezing hand

[princessofghosts-posts]

Nico's Powers and Rick way of writing them.

Honestly,I've been wainting to write this.

We all know Nico powers:

Can manipulate the shadows and travel in them (Umbra-kinesis);

Can sense someone's death and soul;

Can summon ghosts and talk to them;

Can summon skeletons that obey to his orders and fight for him;

Can use dreams to send messages;

Can unconsciously split the ground and create cracks or Underworld's openings;

Can turn someone into a ghost and make them forgot their life and ability to speak;

Can turn someone into a skeleton;

Has influence on the dead and can evade them when he has to;

Can create earthquakes (not major ones like Percy);

Technically has Geo-kinesis powers too (like Hazel);

Can summon zombies to serve him;

Can conditionate the CJ's lares speaking ability by forcing them to shut up;

Can influence the dead ones with his mood;

Death-touch;

(If I missed some feel free to add)

Other than this,you need to remember that his title as Ghost King give him some more leverage,and his sword is an uniqueness in the world that give him the ability to suck someone's soul in it.

By only this list you can tell that Nico is extremely powerful,and he is still younger than Percy,with a weak physical body (depression and ED do some wonders to you-) and wasn't never "officially trained" like him since he wasn't around camp much. But he still pulled insane acts even without being 100% ok most of the time.

Nico powers,differently from Percy and Thalia,are extremely versatile. While those two can use whatever source or form of water/lightning to fight,they can't do much outside of their fathers's domains. And then you have Nico. Nico that can use his powers to travel around the world and sending messages with a mental link,other than use them to fight. People always talks about Percy controll over all types of liquid (even poison or the Underworld's rivers),but there is still water in them,so it's normal for him to do so. Thalia can use lightnings because it's normal for her to do so since those are Zeus's main sources of power. But Nico's powers are more than just controlling the dead,he can manipulate dreams (something that only the Hypnos cabin can do if I remember correctly) and can use geo-kinesis too,even tho not as much good or frequent as Hazel (before she started to work with her mist affinity). He can do it all.

I'm not trying to pull the "Nico is more powerful than Percy" argument here,but more focusing on Nico's versatility usage of his powers. And Rick made a mistake here with him,that he realized later and tried to minimize.

You see,when you have a powerscaling system,you usually take the main character as the "default": it's from them that you start to build it so other people can understand where others characters stand,compared to the MC,on the scale. Most of the time,people want their MC to grow stronger after every fight,starting from the bottom,untill they are the most powerful character in the story. It's a format done everywhere (anime,movie,comics,fanfic,books,ecc...) and Rick Riordan also used it with Percy. And when you have as MC the "most powerful character ever" (in this case the most powerful demigod since Heracles times),you need to be careful with your side characters,especially when the author doesn't want them to outshine the MC. For this reason,most of the time,they are either weaker than them or have extremely excessive drowbacks. A good example of this is Jason: Rick introduced him to us as the roman counterpart for Percy,but made us understand that he wasn't never at Percy level of power. And when you have a "side" character as Nico,adding to the fact that he's most of the time the wild card for their victories and always know everything,you have a big problem.

Riordan made it clear that no one (for now) can surpass Percy in term of abilities. But he still went out of his way making Nico's powers more versatile than the others. Logically,he should have been stronger than Percy,especially because death cannot be stoped and it's part of everyone life,but canonically it wasn't going to happen since the MC is Percy. Riordan realized in a second moment that his powers were too much and decided to make sure Nico was always held back by something from going full out (like Jason).

Nico is the only child of the big 3 that,if he use so much of his powers,has extremely horrible drowbacks even when he shouldn't. I could understand during MoA-BoO events in HoO,he was either dying or disappearing into the shadows because of his kidnapping and Tartarus,and still had an extremely draining task to finish. But from HoO to ToA there is a big timeskip (I think 6 months or more but I'm not so sure) where he should had all the time in the world to heal and having back full controll over his powers. But he doesn't. Nico still faint after shadow-travelling,even tho after his trip with the statue he should have been stronger and not having problems for a normal trip. Which sucks,especially when Rick most of the time make him pull some jaw-dropping power-play that give you the full picture on how strong he really is.

I don't think Percy had so many downgrades with his powers,I never saw him almost fainting from controlling the waters. He get tired,yes,but that's it. Thalia has more restrictions because of her fear,but I also never saw her having so many problems after using her powers (after she went with the Hunters we never see her in general anymore). Neither did Hazel with her geo-kinesis powers (before Rick decided to make her learn mist manipulation). Jason is a whole mess because he faint every day when he gets hit by a brick,even when he isn't fighting or using his powers (Rick didn't do him justice either). It's only Nico that has so many negative effects.

And the fandom can explain it,in a canon logic,with: "He's s still young,he will have time to grow stronger." (I agree) ;"He wasn't never in a good physical condition so it's normal that he has this many negative effects." (Even dying he was still able to curse someone to literally becoming a ghost) ; "He was malnourished and depressed,since he didn't take care of himself before he still have problems,wait for him to be healthy." (Again,even in those conditions he still pulled insane stunts). But,outside of the narrative,Riordan totally nerfed him because he realized that he wrote his powers too powerful and useful compared to Percy's,and since he couldn't have his MC outshined,he made sure to slow Nico in any way possible.

In BotL and TLO there are 2 scenes that,for a long time,I thought I was the only one to ever have read them since no one talked about them.

In the end of BotL when Percy get out of the Labyrinth and went with Rachel to see the coffin,Nico created an earth barrier (or something closer to it) to help them escape form Kronos's attack. He never did that after it,and I never saw people acknowledge that scene so I legitimately thought that I was imaginating it. Which was strange since it came right after the famous "Did you just throw a blue brush in the eye of the Titan Lord?" scene,but no. It really happened and Nico did use the earth at his liking. After that Riordan decided to never bought it up and Nico never manipulated the earth in that way (he still split the ground a couple of times) again.

In TLO after Nico went to free Percy from the dungeons,they escaped the palace and went to the Styx. During their escaping Nico glared at the guards,while growing weaker and weaker with each one,and they ignored them. Again,since I never saw someone talk about it I genuinely thought I was remembering things wrong. Especially because it was part of the whole "Betrayal" plot that everyone know. But again,it wasn't the case,Rick just decided to never bring it up again. It was the only time Nico did something like that. Someone can say "Well,those are the royal guards and their boss is his dad they would never go against him." but the guards were against Nico,if he didn't do whatever the fuck he did,they were going to tell Hades about their escape. So,again,Rick realized he gave him a powerful trick and then hoped that one one would remember it after he used it one time.

All of this shows that,even if he is good at writing certain things,when it comes to others topics (like power-scaling,Tartarus's trauma and many more) he just can't write well and try to put patches on the holes,without having success. But that's for another post that I will do.

Rick lack of continuation in his work,and he needs to decide what the hell he is going to do with Nico,because the guy himself is a contradiction that needs to be solved. And if I see someone else say that he is weak because he continue to faint,I'm gonna crash out very very very bad since it's Rick's fault. Nico has grown enough in his power to stand tall and use them without having majors problems (if he abuse them,then of course he is in big troubles). He isn't anymore the 13 years old kid that was dying during a world-ending trip after days of being captive by the enemy,and Riordan needs to acknowledge it and move on from that.

[floralcyanide]

— 𝚝𝚑𝚘𝚜𝚎 𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝𝚜 (nsfw)

important note: if you don't like rpf (or fanfic about real people), please just scroll past. don't be rude in the reblogs or tags or I will just block you. it costs zero dollars to mind your business and keep scrolling. tom will literally never see this. I will never send it to him. therefore, no one is getting harmed by this. rpf is written by many about many real people and has been for a long time. if you'd like to file a complaint, I'd love to see you say that writing rpf is weird to the Hamilton fandom, the Billy the Kid fandom, the Elvis/ Queen/ Greta Van Fleet/ other bands and singers fandoms, (especially the k pop fandom. I pray you survive if you do.) etc etc. basically, just ignore this if you don't wanna see it. have a good day (:

⌯ pairing: tom blyth / fem!reader

⌯ warnings: mentions of alcohol, consumption of alcohol, mentions of smoking, reader smokes but it isn't explicitly described (can be an ignored detail), eventual smut, penetrative sex, unprotected sex (please protect yourself with strangers), oral sex (f receiving), nipple play, cum eating, fluff if you squint

⌯ word count: 3454

⌯ summary: at your friend's christmas party, you meet tom blyth and there's a strong connection off the bat. after a little too much to drink and a night spent talking, the two of you have an intimate christmas eve together. (based on those nights by bastille.)

⌯ author’s note: I've been so busy that I haven't been able to finish this until today lol and it took ages because I kept getting distracted ((: anyway!! merry christmas and happy hanukkah, I hope everyone enjoys this (: if you don't pls keep it to yourself

divider credit: @arminsumi | @eloquentreverie | @cafekitsune ⌯ masterlist ⌯ taglist form

this fic has been cross posted to ao3.

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ

You’re nursing a glass of half-sipped champagne, trying your best to pay attention to what your friend is saying to you through the pounding music. Being social with them is the least you can do, considering this is their holiday party you’re attending. And they’ve supplied the alcohol that you’ve helped yourself to all night. This is one reason why you can’t focus very well, but there’s another reason, too. You swear you feel eyes from somewhere in the apartment searing into the back of your head. At first, it wasn’t a big deal. But now it’s almost as if you’re scared to move in case someone is watching. Still listening to your friend, you realize you’re unable to look around to find the source. So you push away the sensation the best you can for now. A mutual friend waves at you from across the room where the makeshift bar is. Downing the rest of your champagne, you bid the friend you’re conversing with a quick goodbye for the time being. Hurrying to your friend who beckoned you over, you look at them with a raised brow when their face scrunches up into a giddy smile.

“Why do you look like that?” you ask, carefully eyeballing them.

Your friend chuckles at you, leaning into your ear, “There’s a hot guy back there who has been eyeing you for quite some time.”

Your face contorts into realization. So that’s why you’ve been feeling eyes burning into you. You hesitantly turn around, hoping you aren’t too blatantly obvious in finding who is staring. However, at this point in the night, you aren’t entirely graceful by any means. Your eyes catch onto a brunette man almost immediately, like you’re drawn to one another somehow. The man glances down at his drink before letting his eyes shoot back up to yours, his determined gaze sending goosebumps across your skin. Your friend has been too busy making you a drink to notice the tension but still manages to switch out your empty glass with a full one despite your daze.

“I’ll be right back,” you say just loud enough for your friend to hear over the song blaring through the speakers.

With the alcohol burning in your system, the atmosphere of the apartment seems otherworldly. It’s a fairly glitzy party, so you’re dressed for the occasion. Your outfit highlights your best features, allowing you to have an air of confidence. A kind of confidence you don’t usually carry. The alcohol certainly helps with that. The shimmery lighting bouncing off the walls gives off an ethereal vibe to the apartment. The dim glimmer of the room casts the shadow of the brunette man’s eyelashes onto his cheekbones. The closer you get, the more you notice about him. His aquiline nose, the contour of facial hair on his face, the tasteful and subtle golden hoop in his left ear. You see a small smile stretch across his lips as you approach him.

“I am so sorry if I’m coming off as creepy,” he shouts over the music, laughing to himself, “I promise I don’t mean to. You’re just really attractive.”

You take a moment to let your eyes take in his form as discreetly as possible, noticing his towering height and lean physique. Now that you’re close enough to properly see his face, you note that his eyes shine a hauntingly beautiful shade of icy blue. He takes a moment to study your face as well, waiting with bated breath for your response.

“That means a lot coming from someone who is also attractive. And I thought I felt someone staring,” you jokingly smile at him around a sip of your drink.

“Sorry about that,” the man rubs the back of his neck nervously, “I just never know how to approach without being awkward.”

Butterflies flutter in your stomach at the heavy weight of the brunette’s eyes on yours, your drink burning away any nervousness that had previously lingered.

“I get it,” you match his smile that has yet to wipe off his face, “I’m not the type to come up to someone I find cute. But…” you trail off, taking in the man’s attractiveness, “There’s something about you I can’t put my finger on.”

“Well,” he chuckles at you, bringing his glass to his lips before hesitating, “You’ll figure it out eventually.”

“Oh really?’ you raise your eyebrows, a playful tinge to your voice, “How’s that?”

“Do you smoke?” the man asks.

“Only when I’m drinking,” you chide. 

The two of you weave around the other party-goers toward the fire escape, and you snatch the bottle of something from your friend’s hand while passing the bar on the way out. After clambering from the window behind the tall man, who effortlessly climbed out, you take his outstretched hand. Planting your feet on the landing, you watch as the man fishes out a pack of cigarettes and a pack of matches from his back pocket. He looks up at you expectantly, patting the spot on the metal grating next to him.

“I don’t bite,” he jokes, “Not hard, anyway.”

You bite back a snort but sit down anyway. You take a swig of the clear liquid in the bottle you took before offering it to the man with a sour face. He’s in the process of lighting up, the cigarette hanging between his lips casually as he holds a lit match to the end. You watch him do this, and something stirs inside you. He takes a drag before handing the cigarette to you and taking the bottle from your hand. 

“You smoke a lot?” you ask him before taking a drag of your own, your eyes not leaving him.

He shrugs, “I picked it up while in college. It’s a bad habit I go back to sometimes.”

“I see,” you say, “I forgot to ask, but what’s your name?”

“Tom,” the brunette says, the cigarette dangling from his lips as he offers a free hand for you to shake. You gently take it.

Despite the chill of the night, Tom’s hand is warm against yours. You both hesitate to pull away, but a shy chuckle shared between the two of you causes a natural break of grip. You continue to smoke and pass the bottle to and from each other, talking about this year’s notable events in your lives. You speak for a while before more personal details begin spilling. Like how much you hate your job and how Tom missed his co-stars from his last project. Or how you both hate being single during the holidays. The more alcohol that’s consumed, the more you discuss your lives. It’s only been an hour or two, but it feels like you’ve known each other forever. 

A comfortable silence falls over the two of you. Tom looks over at you, admiring how your cigarette looked so natural in your hand. And how your hair fell perfectly around your face and how you swung your legs back and forth innocently. The corners of Tom’s lips twitch upward as he subtly moves closer to you, his thigh pressing against yours. He thinks you’re quite interesting and pretty- he doesn’t know why you’re still single when you’re such an amazing person.

You feel the roughness of his trousers against your bare thigh as you finish your final cigarette. You swish the remaining contents of the bottle around, deciding that your blurry peripheral vision means it is time to stop drinking. When you turn to offer Tom the rest of the alcohol, he’s facing you already, mere inches away. Your breath hitches as his eyes look into yours. They drop to your lips, and despite your intoxication, you feel giddy in your stomach. 

“Can I,” Tom whispers, lifting a hand to your cheek, “Can I kiss you?”

You sit the bottle down on the other side of where you’re sitting, a drunken smile growing on your face, “Of course you can.”

Tom leans in, pressing his lips to yours gently. You inhale sharply through your nose at the intense feeling of electricity between the two of you. You can taste the alcohol on him when you run your tongue across his bottom lip, testing just how far he wants to go. Your hand reaches up and cards through his dark hair, bringing him as close as possible as the kiss becomes more passionate. Tom’s free hand grasps your hip, his thumb digging deeper into your skin the harder you kiss him. Your head swims as he peppers his lips along your jawline and under your ear.

“We should probably go inside,” you pull away reluctantly, but even in your stupor, you don’t want to get carried away and fall off the fire escape.

You struggle to push up the cracked open window, and Tom giggles at you as he effortlessly pushes it open for you. Both of you climb through, and your friend shakes their head at you when your feet land firmly on the floor.

“I had wondered where you ran off to,” they chuckle, “I see you’ve met my friend Tom.”

“Uh, yeah,” you smile, looking up at him as he stands beside you.

Your friend looks closely at the two of you, noticing your bitten lips and Tom’s flushed face, “Now that the party has dwindled down, you guys can chill upstairs where it’s quiet. I have a book collection you two would enjoy.”

“Gotcha,” you nod as they walk away to mingle with other partygoers.

Looking around, you notice the remainder of the gathering is in other parts of the apartment, leaving the living room and upstairs unoccupied. Tom grabs your hand, pulling you away from the kitchen to the hallway leading to the stairs. You pull him into another kiss, Tom giggling at your eagerness as he sways slightly. He walks you backward until you feel your back against the nearby wall. Neither of you would do this on a typical day, but the energy between both of you is so intense. Your hands move underneath his shirt, your cold palms making contact with his warm skin. Tom gasps into the kiss at the contact, and you scoff, pulling away from him and grabbing his hand to drag him up the stairs.

“Careful,” Tom says to you as your legs wobble. Meanwhile, he’s struggling to climb them as well.

After a few minutes of tussling and laughing, the two of you finally reach the second floor.

“So about that book collection,” Tom raises an eyebrow, catching his breath as he grabs you by the hips, bringing you close to him.

“Only if you really want to,” you look up at him, both your and his eyes glazed over.

“I do,” Tom runs his hands along your sides, his gaze heavy on you, “Lead the way.”

You walk ahead of him, pulling him into the guest bedroom, where the books do happen to be stored in a giant bookcase along the wall. String lights around the ceiling give a soft golden glow to the room as you approach the mass of books. Tom closes the door softly as he enters the room, walking up behind you as you trace the spine of one of your favorite books. Tom wraps his arms around you, leaning down to kiss the back of your neck gingerly. You melt into his chest, closing your eyes as he travels down your shoulder. Your dress has an exposed back, and Tom is taking advantage of it as Tom falls to one knee and continues kissing down your body. He delicately unties the silk ribbon holding the two sides of your dress together, pausing before allowing it to fall to the floor.

“Let me know if you want me to stop,” Tom says.

You turn around and walk to the bed, allowing your dress to fall behind you. Sitting down, you motion for Tom to come over to you. His eyes scan your face, avoiding your intricate and deep-colored underwear as he stands up. Tom stands between your slightly parted legs, and you move your hands to the lapels of his black blazer, pushing them open. He discards it from his arms and to the floor before pulling his t-shirt over his head. You try not to ogle at his perfect body, but your hands wander anyway. Up his abdomen and across his chest until you reach his neck, where you pull him down for a heated kiss. Tom lightly pushes you onto the bed, and you move to the pile of pillows to rest your head. He climbs over you, caging you underneath him. Before you can react, Tom pulls your legs up around his waist as he rests his body on yours. His lips hover over yours, his darkened eyes boring into yours much like they did the back of your head earlier in the evening. 

“Don’t stop,” you say, crossing your ankles behind Tom’s back.

Tom attacks your neck with hot kisses and soft bites, your hand grasping the back of his head. As his body relaxes into you, his weight presses you against the bed, and you feel how hard he is. You lift your hips to lightly grind into Tom, and his soft bite into your collarbone turns harsh in reaction. He continues downward, slipping his fingers underneath the straps of your bra and sliding them down your shoulders. You arch your back so Tom has the room to unclasp the band and remove the garment from you. He wastes no time resuming his kisses on your sensitive skin, avoiding the areas you desire his kisses most. You gasp when Tom lets his hand brush against your breast, his thumb circling your nipple softly. A small moan leaves your lips, and Tom glances up at you through his lashes to gauge your reaction. He admires how your eyebrows crease momentarily in pleasure, so he circles his thumb again. You moan louder this time, craving his touch without hesitance.

“Please,” you sigh, “Don’t hold back either.”

Tom hums in response before dipping his head down and enveloping your nipple in his mouth, flicking it with his tongue teasingly. He rubs your other nipple with his thumb, simultaneously stimulating you. You whimper, heat from your still buzzed body rushing to your clit. Your hips roll in response, and you’re sure Tom can feel your dampened panties against his chest. He gives your nipple a sharp tug with his teeth before focusing on your needy core. He leaves an open-mouthed kiss on your clothed heat before removing your underwear. Still buzzed from all the alcohol earlier, Tom tries his best to be soft with you despite the pit of desire growing between you. You want him- all of him, and you want it now. And Tom wants you. Before you can speak, Tom’s warm mouth meets your folds, his tongue lapping at your arousal. You squirm from the sudden stimulation, but he stills your hips with his grip. A hand flies to Tom’s mussed-up hair as he plunges his tongue into you, his nose pressing to your clit. He inhales your scent, and it intoxicates him more than alcohol ever could. Shaking his head, Tom’s nose rubs against your clit perfectly as his tongue fucks you. Your whole body is up in flames, your fingers tightening in his hair. 

You’re muttering incoherent praises as you ride Tom’s face. He replaces his tongue with two of his fingers, your relaxed wetness allowing him to slip them in easily. They scissor against your fluttering walls as Tom sucks on your bundle of nerves. Your fuzzy mind keeps you from hiding how good his mouth feels on you, and your moans grow louder. His mouth leaves your cunt abruptly before reattaching to yours, silencing you immediately.

“Gotta be quiet,” Tom huffs against your lips, “People are still downstairs, love.”

You wrap your legs around him again, grinding yourself into his still-clothed cock. He’s the one to moan this time, slipping his tongue into your mouth and letting you taste yourself. You unwrap your legs and work to unfasten Tom’s trousers, pushing them down his thighs. He kicks them off the rest of the way, along with his underwear, as he continues to kiss you. You reach down between your bodies and palm Tom’s length, to which he groans into your mouth. You guide his tip to your entrance, allowing him to comfortably push into you. Your hands grasp Tom’s shoulder blades, your nails lightly digging into his skin with every inch that enters you. You whimper in pleasure at him finally being inside you after longing for it all night. Tom bottoms out with a content sigh, also elated at the feeling of you clenching around his length after craving it for so long. 

Your chests heave against one another, your forehead pressed to Tom’s. His enticing blue eyes meet yours as he slowly pulls out before slamming his hips against yours. You gasp, arching your back and letting butterflies swarm in your belly when Tom kisses the corner of your mouth. He fucks into you again, slowly building a steady pace. Your lips barely brush against Tom’s as he snaps his body into yours. Your buzz has now faded away, allowing you to feel him entirely sober. He sneaks his hand between you and presses his thumb to your clit, making you hiss at the sudden stimulation. Your head pushes against the pillows, exposing your throat. Tom lets his hand lazily wrap around it, not squeezing but instead holding it as he grazes his teeth on your skin there as he kisses your neck. 

“Feel so good around me,” Tom says dazedly, and you feel his eyelashes flutter under your jaw, “So gorgeous.”

Your hand rests in his hair again, gently combing through his locks as he rocks into you faster. His weight on you, his thumb still rubbing your clit, and his hand around your neck seals the deal for you as he plows into that sweet spot inside you. 

“Tom,” you moan, “I’m close.”

“Me too, baby. Me too,” he whispers into your skin, leaving soft kisses in contrast to his rough thrusts.

“You feel so good,” you mutter, your chin resting on Tom’s head.

Tom lifts your leg and places it on his shoulder, allowing him to hit a new angle inside you. You bury your face in his hair to deafen the cry that escapes you in response. 

“Right there,” you pant, your hands desperately holding onto Tom’s hair as your mouth hangs open in silent pleasure.

Tom breathes heavily into your neck, using all the energy he has left to mercilessly fuck your weeping cunt. You feel your stomach tensing, alerting you of your impending orgasm. Tom chants your name as he firmly presses his thumb into your clit, causing the tightly wound knot inside you to snap undone. Your thigh clamps into the side of Tom’s neck while the other shakes against the bare skin of his sweat sheened back. The feeling of your tight pussy pulsating around him makes Tom explode inside you with a gasp. You grip Tom’s hair desperately as you milk him of everything he has, his thumb still not letting up on your clit. Another orgasm washes over you suddenly. This time it makes you convulse, your cunt gushing around Tom and dripping down your thighs as you cry out in pleasure. 

“Fuck,” you gasp for air, Tom pulling out of you.

He moves down to your pussy, cleaning up the cum spilling from you with a hungry tongue. You’re so sensitive that your thighs slam into the sides of Tom’s head. He suckles your clit for a moment for good measure, making you writhe underneath him. You pathetically whimper when he pulls away, finally catching your breath. Tom returns to his previous position on top of you, his face buried in your neck. He wraps his arms around you, softly stroking your skin. 

“Wow,” you giggle, letting your nose dig into Tom’s brunette hair.

“Yeah,” he smirks, “You’re amazing.”

“That’s all you, I’m afraid,” you say.

Tom hums, “I disagree, sweetheart.”

He rolls over momentarily, lifting the duvet for you to climb under. He embraces you again, holding you close as if you’ll disappear like some sort of dream. You wrap your arms around Tom’s, smiling as he presses his nose to your hair. 

“I still haven’t put my finger on it,” you say after a moment of silence.

“Hmm? On what?”

“That something about you.”

“I guess you’ll have to stick around and find out, then.”

“Deal,” you chuckle, “Merry Christmas, Tom.”

“Merry Christmas, beautiful.”

taglist:

@barbaraelaine @devotedly-sassy @nowitsmissing @arzua10 @screamqueenpink

[sweetinsaniiity]

MASTERLIST

𝐆𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.

I'm Aren and if you're here, you should probably be re-thinking your choices, because clearly, they’re questionable.

I write Ateez fanfics most of the time, if not all the time, in oneshot formats. I can definitely write a series, but will I? Who knows.

𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐄. If in any need to translate my work, please message me. Most likely I'll message back.

𝐃𝐎 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐙𝐄. There are more than a million words in the dictionary (Source: Oxford. If I'm wrong? Sue them, not me), and you have the need to replicate mine? You can do better than that.

𝐌𝐘 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐍 𝐂𝐋𝐎𝐒𝐄𝐃. 𝐈 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐫𝐞-𝐨𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐦 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞. However, I am slow in producing them. I take great pride in the quality of my work, which constitutes me doing my utmost best in giving you what you want to see, and I will not sacrifice that quality for something quick and easy. If that's what you want, then I'm not the author for you. Thank you for understanding.

𝐍𝐄𝐓𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐊𝐒: @keopihaus @dove-net @ksmutsociety @cromernet @othersideoutlawsnetwork @pirateeznet @illusionnet

𝒦𝒾𝓂 𝐻𝑜𝓃𝑔𝒿𝑜𝑜𝓃𝑔

𝐒𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤 - Your sleight of hand gets you in trouble one day when you are caught stealing red-handed

𝒫𝒶𝓇𝓀 𝒮𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑔𝒽𝓌𝒶

𝐌𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐟𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐦𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐲 - Seonghwa's obsession with you knew no bounds and he will do everything and anything to have you whether you liked it or not and whether it was bordering on the moral grey of things.

𝒥𝑒𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝓊𝓃𝒽𝑜

𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐥 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠 - You are an ex-princess and your kingdom has been taken over by another King, Yunho, and he will break you because your father ruined everybody's lives when he was king.

𝒦𝒶𝓃𝑔 𝒴𝑒𝑜𝓈𝒶𝓃𝑔

𝐃𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐋𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐎𝐧 𝐌𝐞 - You fall in love with the campus outcast whose face you have never seen before since he always wears a mask.

𝒞𝒽𝑜𝒾 𝒮𝒶𝓃

𝐌𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐅𝐨𝐫 𝐇𝐢𝐫𝐞 - You and San switch bodies and have to pretend to be each other despite the fact that you hate him.

𝐌𝐲 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭, 𝐈 𝐒𝐮𝐫𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 - An intruder breaks into your home and does unspeakable things to you.

𝒮𝑜𝓃𝑔 𝑀𝒾𝓃𝑔𝒾

𝐒𝐢𝐜𝐤, 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐆𝐚𝐦𝐞𝐬 - You encounter a man who prevents you from leaving by tying a rope on your wrists while holding the other end with his big, strong hands.

𝒥𝓊𝓃𝑔 𝒲𝑜𝑜𝓎𝑜𝓊𝓃𝑔

𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 - You fall in love with your best friend but it's unrequited.

𝐂𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐨 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐄𝐝𝐠𝐞 - Wooyoung is a sex worker you met and kept calling not to do the deed, but for company and his comfort. Until, you develop these unexplainable butterflies in your chest.

𝒞𝒽𝑜𝒾 𝒥𝑜𝓃𝑔𝒽𝑜

𝐆𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐌𝐞 𝐋𝐢𝐛𝐞𝐫𝐭𝐲 𝐎𝐫 𝐃𝐞𝐚𝐭𝐡 - Your beloved comes back to you after five years, except he wasn't the one you loved all those years.

ℛ𝒶𝓃𝒹𝑜𝓂 ℋ𝑒𝒶𝒹𝒸𝒶𝓃𝑜𝓃𝓈:

ateez as !mafia members

soft-turned-dom!San request

free use!San request

[ofmdrecaps]

11/23-26/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Con O'Neill; Nathan Foad; Kristian Nairn; Samson Kayo; Brian Gattas & Connor Barrett; Damien Gerard; Articles; Fan Spotlight: TinyCrewBigDonations; NeverLeftPodcast; OFMD Advent Calendar; Love Notes

= David Jenkins =

David was out on Christmas Eve getting a tattoo in honor of his new baby Zosia and Kinga!

Source: David Jenkins Instagram

Also, in case you haven't seen yet, David has been writing some OFMD Fanfiction, or a Christmas Special since Christmas Eve on his Bluesky. Due to it spanning multiple days, and me not knowing when I'll get the next recap out, I'm putting in as much as I can now.

Source: David Jenkins Bluesky

= Rhys Darby =

Rhys spent the holidays in Aotearoa with the family!

Source: Rosie's IG

Another trailer for Badjelly!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Badjelly (@badjellytv)

Source: BadJellyTV

= Taika Waititi =

Taika also happened to be in Aotearoa for the holidays!

Source: VasJMorgan's Instagram / Mariana Vivanco's Instagram

= Con O'Neill =

Con had a beautiful message for everyone <3

Source: Con O'Neill's Instagram

= Nathan Foad =

Nathan's voiceover agents had fun doodling their clients! Can you find Nathan?

Source: Nathan's Instagram Stories

= Kristian Nairn =

Kristian is sending some updates on his new Spectrum playlists, Cameo's and orders from his website! Lots of love coming from our beloved Wee John <3

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kristian Nairn (@kristiannairn)

Source: Kristian's Instagram

= Samson Kayo =

Samson got into the holiday spirit and sent a Merry Christmas to all!

Source: Samson's Instagram Stories

= Brian Gattas & Connor Barrett =

Hornberry and Siegfried wish you a silly Happy Holidays!

Source: Brian Gattas' Instagram Stories

= Damien Gerard =

More updates on where Damien is online now!

Instagram / Bsky

And a sweet holiday message from him!

Source: Damien's Bsky / Damien's bsky

== Articles ==

Thank you to our dear friends over at @adoptourcrew for ore articles featuring OFMD!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Bsky

== Fan Spotlight ==

= OFMD Buys Boats =

Last on the list for the Tiny Crew Big Raffle Donations was: World Central Kitchen - David Jenkins - $US 1,779.07, £278.69, €611.91, CAD$82.81! Well done all! I ran out of images in this recap, but the next will feature all the awesome BTS Lindsey Cantrell shared with the @ofmd-buys-boats and the rest of the crew for everyone's generosity!

Source: OFMD Buys Boats Instagram

= Never Left Podcast =

Never Left Podcast's latest episode is about Fan Fic! Check it out on their linktr.ee!

Source: Never Left Instagram

= OFMD Advent Calendar =

The OFMD Advent Calendar has come to an end, and the kind @tillychmo gave everyone some lovely treats for the last two! Including Cameos from the crew! Thank you so much dear for highlighting so many amazing artists and writers this holiday season, and spreading joy and love from our cast! You're the best!

The 24th Door features @tillychmo's artwork! A very cute piece with the full revenge crew and more!

The 25th Door has cameos from some of our awesome Cast! Damien Gerard, Erroll Shand, Ruibo Qian! Wow! What a surprise! Check it out on Bluesky / AO3!

Source: OFMD Advent Calendar

== Love Notes ==

Well Lovelies, we're coming to the end of the year here. As I write this, it's New Year's Eve. I ended up being really sick for several days so I couldn't finish these on time (so sorry for the jump scare, I legit thought I'd be gone for a long while after two docs told me what they thought it was-- but luckily, no surgery for me). I'll try to be getting the last couple of the year out tomorrow if I can <3 I did want to mention, I know the David Jenkins fanfic/OFMD Christmas special is causing a bit of contention out there. Some folks are worried it's S3, and are either upset because it doesn't meet what they were expecting so far, or worried that because it's there, we're not getting an s3 at all. These are all valid concerns! For me, I like to think of what David's doing as a little gift to keep our hope alive. Whatever reason-- whatever comes of it, David cares so much about us that he's keeping us all engaged this late into the year. How many creators can we say do that for their fandom (let alone with a newborn)? Did you feel that same tingly feeling I did as we got more and more updates? It felt like watching an episode of OFMD again, for the first time, not knowing where it was going. It was a roller coaster ride of emotions, and as usual David is perfect with timing of specific revelations for maximum affect. We get to interact with him and all of our crewmates in the wee hours of 2024, and feel that same love and excitement that brought us together in the first place-- and I really do think that's such a wonderful gift. Seeing so many folks get excited, and brains firing off a mile a minute on new meta and new headcanons has been wonderful to watch. Whatever happens, whatever comes of it, we are getting to feel that unexpected excitement again. That little flutter of uncertainty-- that spark of joy and hope. So don't despair okay? Whatever happens, we still have our S1, and S2, and we still have each other-- and if we get an s3 out of all this too-- great! Whatever happens, we still have this insanely talented, and kind, and breathtakingly creative crew, and I am so very grateful for each and every one of you. OFMD changed my life for the better. You all changed my life for the better. You all changed SO MANY lives for the better, just by being you and sharing your love of this brilliant show. OFMD is the gift that keeps on giving, and I'm grateful David's trying to give us a bit more to play with for now, to do with as we will. Happy Holidays Lovelies and Happy New Year. May you get the rest and love you deserve, and all the things you desire this year.

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by @thelatestkate

Source: The Latest Kate's Instagram

[woman-respecter]

hating on an annoying insta author because i’m a bitch: page powars part 2

once again, please don’t harass this person or anything. i’m just hating because it’s in my blood.

ok, you don’t need to read part 1 of this post because this is a seperate rant, here’s all you need to know: page powers is an author who the instagram algorithm keeps pushing on me. his book “and they were roommates” is about a 15 year old trans guy who is assigned to room with his ex bf from before he transitioned.

if you think plot and title sounds like it would be something from an au fanfiction, you and i are on similar wavelengths. but page seems to be offended at comparisons to certain fanfiction

(midoriya and bakugo = very popular ship between two hs anime boys in a shounen series)

while at the same time comparing his own work to another gay ship

(alhaitham and kaveh = genshin impact ship between two adult men who are roommates and do have the vibe of being exes i will not lie)

he claims that his book was written before the ship existed, which i am a little suspect about as the ship was first introduced in 2022 iirc but i’ll take him at his word. i just think it’s silly that he is SO offended that someone said his high school romance fanfic book reminded them of a popular fanfiction couple, but was like. yes. i want to be just like this other fanfic couple. and it’s not even like genshin is less “cringe” than bnha, they are both popular yet oft mocked franchises. oh also he got one of the va’s from the genshin ship to voice his audiobook. which is honestly pretty funny. anyways, this isn’t a big deal, just midly annoying and silly.

but what REALLY got me was his response to a negative review from the respected kirkus reviews

.

i just find this breathtakingly annoying. kirkus rightfully points out that this book is fandom cliche shit and his response is being like “but ao3 is so popularrrr so it must be good!” like listen, i love ao3 too, i love my yaoislop. but the fact that ao3 is popular does not mean that your yaoislop has artistic merit*. that’s like claiming mr. beast burger deserves a james beard award because mcdonalds sells billions of burgers in a year.

and this is, of course, not to mention the hypocrisy of page claiming kirkus looks down upon fanfiction when HE HIMSELF DOES AS WELL. he scorns his foremothers** in the genre while using the popularity of their work as a shield for criticism of his own. pick a lane. either be honored to be compared to the bakudekus or admit you are writing slop.

*this is not to say nothing on ao3 has artistic merit though. i’ve read some great stuff and i know the middle aged office ladies shipping spirk or destiel can be pretty brilliant writers. it’s just that the published fanfic-esque work is never by the heroes of ao3 and can never reach the site’s highs, in part because a good fanfic is a dialogue with the source material and by filing the serial numbers off to make it publishable that is lost (or was never there to begin with)

**bakudekus are his contemporaries not foremothers but i count them as part of a decades long literary tradition of pairing up boys in bad shounen anime.

[bloomeng]

I'm a little nervous to talk about this because the internet is truly the place where nuance goes to die but fuck it I'm going to do it anyway.

So misogyny in fan spaces. There's so much that can be said here, but I want to focus on a trend I've seen in fanfiction for years. This isn't a call out to anyone in particular or a fic that I read recently, it's just something I want to talk about.

There's a range in which I see misogyny displayed in fanfiction. The most subtle version is when a fic has a large cast, but despite this, the female characters just float in the background as accessories. Writing big casts is difficult and I understand that (it's part of the reason I tend not to like big casts) but despite this all the female characters will remain less developed than their male counterparts. The other version is they will exist only to advise or prop up a male character, which isn't to say that a female character can't play that role in a story. On an individual level, it's not an issue, but when it's the only role over and over it becomes an issue. My solution to handling big casts is to break them off at times into pairs/smaller groups and allow everyone to have their moment. It doesn't need to be perfectly balanced but even small moments could go a long way.

The next step up is literally ignoring them altogether. I understand not every character is going to feature in every story. Time and place and all that jazz. But it's telling when they're so clearly written out of a story for the sake of not addressing them. If we can cram in all these male character cameos we can do the same for the women. Personally I feel writing is stronger if you only include characters for a purpose beyond them just being there (and it would be two birds with one stone bc that would automatically allows for more depth), but this is fanfic that I'm discussing, where fan service rules everything.

The third trend and arguably the most egregious I refer to as the “Sakura Effect.” The Sakura Effect is when an author will include either a pre-existing female character or an original female character for the sole person of villainizing her to extreme proportions. It’s scary to me because as much as media can be misogynistic this is so much worse in my opinion. As fans I would hope we would be better but then I see characters flattened or created simply to be awful. And yet “no one” sees the issue in that.

I’ve seen authors go far as to say apologize in the notes about mischaracterizing female characters for the sake of the conflict. Like we’re so close to recognizing the issue yet so far. Also for some reason it’s socially acceptable to add character bashing tags to fics?? I see this the most with Naruto fics, but to this day I will never understand why people feel the need to establish how much they hate a female character in a fic that doesn’t even touch on them. Or they warn people that they made her evil bc they hate her??? Like ok so we’re recognizing the problem and doubling down. Cool.

I once saw someone create a female character for a fic who was described as ugly and with a ton of acne and a bunch of people called the author out for the description and its subsequent streotypes. The author responded by basically being like I hear you but I don’t care. But I was also concerned that no one else in the comments was concerned that the character was female as well.

I see this trend with people to make these super creepy stalker female characters as conflict for their mlm ships and it’s just like…. do we not see the inherent issue in this. We complain about the treatment of women in the source material and then we (fan culture) turn around and make arguably more offensive characters.

This is a fairly ranty non-nuance, doesn’t even touch on intersectionality, look at misogyny in fanfiction but that’s all I have the capacity to discuss today.

[legalmente-loca]

Guys, guys... We have reached five hundred subscribers (applause, applause). The special this time will be different from the others. To celebrate that we have reached half a thousand subscribers, I am going to thank you all and also let you know my mutuals.

First of all I will thank Jensen Ackles, who is after all who I mostly write for. It is a great honor to be alive at the same time as him and I am grateful to him for bringing out my most creative side even in my darkest moments. Now, after that, let's start with my mutuals

@yjessy: Well, for starters, she's my best friend in the real world outside of Tumblr and their stories. She's the only person in my life who knows about the kind of content I write. And the reason why I talk about her instead of talking to her is because unfortunately she doesn't have Tumblr due to lack of space on her cell phone, but I know that I have her unconditional support and friendship. I thank you for that.

Well, @v1v1-3, you will have the honor of being second on the list: You came to me asking me questions to form your own page and I loved answering you and I was so honored that you chose me out of so many talented writers here. I love that you tag me in every challenge you participate in, and please, never stop doing it. it's very fun. For all that thank you.

@ausantana: You are not a fanfic writer, you are a film fan who gives her opinion on each film and I love your aesthetic. Maybe I started following you because we liked the same things and I always imagine you as the girl in your Icon; Sweet, with a pretty smile, intelligent, charismatic. Maybe you're not like that, maybe you're the opposite, but in that way your photo tells me about your personality. I love reading your opinions and I enjoy each one of them. And for that I am grateful to you.

@figthoughts: I love your little stories and you were one of the first writers that I chose to follow to continue reading you. You were part of my inspiration and I always loved and will love the way you write. And for that I thank you.

@sunsbaby: Your !Reader introductions always make me know more about the personality that I have to bring out of myself when reading your stories and I honestly enjoy it too much. I have fun with these different facets and it shows that you have fun creating them. And for that I thank you.

@soldiersgirl: The way you write Soldier Boy/Ben is amazing and always catches my attention. I hope you never stop writing about him and giving me more amazing content. It doesn't matter if you only write for him, that's enough for me and I know it's enough for many too. And for that same content I thank you.

@dulcescorderitas: Your stories are short, but that doesn't make them boring, and you can upload ten in a day that will never be too much. I will always be surprised by your imagination and speed when writing and you are fantastic. And for entertaining me with your incredible writing I am grateful.

@valjy: It's incredible how with so little you can achieve such great things. I don't think we have interacted much, but I still enjoy and love what you do and I hope you keep it up. You are the meaning that sometimes less is more and I have put that into my own writing. And for that I thank you.

@whisperingdaze: I think the first thing that caught my attention about your page was your Lana del Rey Icon. As a big fan of hers, my mind quickly goes to anything of hers. But I didn't stay for your photo, I stayed for your writing. You relate everything so well that I can even effortlessly imagine what you describe. I thank you for that.

@h8aaz: You said I was one of the first ones you read and one of the ones who inspired you to start creating your own page. I know what it feels like to be in your place and that connection you feel with that writer you read at night before going to sleep. I honestly didn't think I would experience things from the perspective of the writer, from the source of inspiration, but you made me experience it. And for that thank you. Psst (I still miss Sammy sleeping in your Icon).

And last but not least, @zepskies: What can I say about you? You were one of the first ones I read and I think the first one I read about Jensen. You were my main inspiration to start creating my own content. I was guided by your page to create mine and I love that Latinas can write outside their language and be successful, you demonstrated it yourself. And for that I am extremely grateful to you.

Thanks to the people on my Tag List for wanting to pay attention to each story uploaded and thank you for being patient with me. Sometimes it can take me a while to upload what you desire from the character you want.

And for you, followers, who read my stories and accompany me on this journey, thank you all. Without you, what I would write would be worthless. You are the protagonists of this and every achievement of mine is your achievement. I know well that life can be difficult, but I also know that humans are strong, all of us. No matter our differences, our fierceness and desire to live are what unites us. Thank you for joining me and let's move forward!

[lavenderbuckyy]

appreciation post for some of my favourite fandom people ✨

a non-exhaustive list of incredible writers, artists, gif makers, editors, headcanon writers and friends!!<3

@meidui miss princess of stonydom cassie where do i even start... your fics are impeccable and you're a really talented writer as well as a lovely friend <3

@cloudbells my jayjay my shaylaaa!!<3 i love your fic ideas, your role as #1 hypewoman, how you are so good at noticing tiny details i wouldn't have ever thought of! call me again so we can be crazy about stony together<3

@musette22 minnie you are such a sweetie pie and a lovely force to have in the fandom!! i really value the comments you leave on my fics, moodboards and edits 🩷

@rillils rilsrilsrils i wuv you <3 you're so good at noticing things other people wouldn't pick up on, and you're so sweet and encouraging and motivating! i want to keep u in my pocket

@stuckydrewx drew your headcanons and meme posts bring me life, they're so freaking cute and funny!!! <3 i love seeing you on my dash. irish steve 5EVER.

@lanalanakova ahhh my black market dealer of stucky doujinshi and PTA mom steve, how i treasure you<3 i love talking to you on the server and hearing your cute ideas!

@metalbvcky MANDY your brain is so excellent i want to climb in there and leech your ideas from you. i love your bloom!verse so bad i think of it daily. you are the bestest

@team-cap-for-the-win kinda crazy i'm typing this when i could walk to the next room of our steve-themed mansion to tell you in person since we're married and all, but i love hearing you chime in in the server and i think you are SO funny!!<3

@heckalecki THE author of THE best bucky recovery series on THE planet and also my treasured friend <3 i love to talk to you and i love your big empathetic heart!

@bulkyphrase THE source for the best steve fic ever <3 bulky, you're so funny and sweet and clever. thank you for hosting steve movie nights and thank you for all you do! i pledge allegiance to the flag of BULKY 🫡🫡

@ace-in-reserve your comments on my fics are my EVERYTHING and i love the adorable art you reblog!!!! <3

@plincess-cho miss aixing!!!<3 i think you are just the greatest. even though you aren't into stucky so much now your kind words will always resonate with me and stay with me 🩷

@relevant-catnik cat you are so fun to have on the server! i love hearing your perspectives on things! we kind of united in the stucky to stony and stucky pipeline (the steve server is a gateway drug...) always really treasure your comments on my fics!!! 🩷

@turtle-steverogers MIKEY i kind of owe you the world and planet and universe but for now i will settle for thanking you for creating a lovely space for steve fans, through which i've made so many friends, grew in my writing, met my bff and found a lovely community. i wish you the best FOREVER

@preyasi love love love to see you on my dash!! i hope you're doing well as THE bucky ride or die. <33

@dreadlockholiday dreadyyy!!! i love your stories so much and was SO happy when you came back to the fandom. your stucky is the most adorable thing i want to cuddle up in your headcanons and never leave<3

@howdoyousleep3 forevereverever in awe of your fics. i love all your stucky pairings SO much and i honestly think you are one of my favourite fanfic authors i have ever, ever come across. may a similar love find me because your writing has raised my standards sky high LOL <333

@moodymelanist MORGAN, one of my oldest friends in this fandom and one of the very sweetest!! you are so cool and i honestly look up to you so much (i want to be morgan when i grow up). i love your writing and our chats<3 much love!!!

@moontashpena we have never talked but you are my fave stucky artist ever ever ever. i will forever be one of your biggest fans 🥹🥰

@sanguineterrain my best friend and my bae and my beloved <3 if witnessing... THAT video... didn't scare you off i know nothing will. love you forever and ever!!!

[wisteria-lodge]

can i ask for advice i really want to start writing fics(never done this) but i don't know what to do or how to start it? also in hp universe, how do you bring in the wizarding lore or remember all the the details like the spells what they do, the locations and a bunch of stuff

In terms of the lore, you don't want the fanwiki, you want Reddit. Sorry fanwiki, but you are often wrong, misleading, or difficult to search. Or, bring in info from the video games without making that clear. Keeping all the spells straight is a big one, so he's an alphabetical list of every spell Harry ever casts, and what it does:

And here is a list of every spell Hermione eve casts:

Thank you very much, reddit user HHrPie.

Also, I would be lost with out my trusty master pdf.

Download that. It's searchable, and Control + F (on a PC) and Command + F (on a Mac) is your friend.

I would also go to the Harry Potter Lexicon over the wiki if you want details on specifically things like locations. It's much easier to navigate, although it isn't as complete as it could be in some places, and runs into it's own problems with editorializing (but on the whole, there's not *as much* editorializing as on the wiki.) It also leans a lot harder on the quotes, and makes its sources more obvious.

In terms of what to write... I'd say focus on one or two characters to start. You'll get the most bang for your buck by figuring out the different ways they speak, and making sure they speak differently.

Write a missing scene, or a existing scene going a different way. My first HP fanfics were alternate epilogues, and the best one was an outsider perspective on Harry bringing 11 year old Teddy to Platform 9 3/4. You probably have an idea, or scene, or image in your head. Start there.

Also, I have always enjoyed fandom spaces. Lots of people enjoy beta-ing fics, or just generally showing off their lore knowledge (and by people, I do mean myself.) If you have a specific question, just throw it out there as an ask like you're doing, to a blog that tends to write about that sort of stuff.

[ringsofpowerconfessions]

I find the way some of you keep talking about the showrunners's religion very disrespectful. First, only of them is a Mormon. Second, JD Payne said his religion didn't influence his writing. They're the guys who made Galadriel the protagonist of the show and who made her a warrior, so much for them being misogynistic men who hate women because they won't let her shag the big bad. I'm sorry, I know you don't want to hear it but it's not because JD Payne is a Mormon that Galadriel didn't turn to the dark side and kiss Sauron. Galadriel will never succumb to Sauron and they will never be romantic except in subtext, not because of Mormonism, but because Tolkien never wrote it and would have never. If you want a "dark romance" you're watching the wrong media and you're setting up yourself for disappointment I'm afraid. Tolkien didn't write dark romances, and being loud on Twitter and Tumblr won't change that. I'm far from being an anti by the way, Haladriel is one of my favorite thing in the show and I love that the show connected Galadriel and Sauron that way. I take it as a fantastic source of inspiration for fanfic, where the romantic subtext can be explored. But in canon, I doubt that there will be a "Reylo mind palace type of bond" thing, Galadriel will not admit that she's in love with Sauron and there will probably not be any Sauron/Galadriel/Celeborn love triangle because Saurondriel wil never be a threat to her marriage, like Celedriel won't be a threat to Saurondriel. Btw Galadriel is powerful on her own and doesn't need Sauron to share his powers with her. Sauron was drawn to her because he saw an equal in her! He offered her (more) power because he knew that was what hear heart desired (which the show should have made established). She turned him down, she turned down this power he was offering her, why would he force it on her if she doesn't want him? That would be just absurd and 100% OOC. He said he would "bind her to power" but that was season 1, when he wanted her to be his queen. Insisting that a physical assault (tainted with a creepy r*pe subtext) was somehow filled with good intentions (sharing powers) is a strange hill to die on, especially when it was obvious that Sauron stabbed her with the desire to see Galadriel suffer and submit. If she hadn't escaped she wouldn't be sitting by his side on a throne. I hope the show will tell us more about his original plan when he stabbed her with the Crown (as others I believe it was a conscious choice to use the Crown and not Adar's sword), but I'm sure as hell it wasn't a new marriage proposal. Also, message for the last anon: Galadriel may not be "strong" enough to face Sauron alone even with her "magic", but let's not forget Celebrimbor's last words, which defines very well Tolkien's spirit and the direction that the show will certainly take: "It is not strength that will defeat darkness, but light". Galadriel doesn't need to face Sauron alone ever again. That's the entire point of season 2: it will be a team effort. And at the end it will be a tiny Hobbit and his bestie who will defeat Sauron, without fighting him directly. Another reason why there's no narrative need for Sauron to share his powers with Galadriel. It's not what the story is about.