#i never would have known what i'd missed!!! and here i fell in love with it from the very first page 😭

[gendzl]

I started reading a novel the other day that is a) huge and b) the first book in a trilogy, but the writing is so enjoyable that being just 80 pages in already feels too close to the ending. I love it so much I want to sleep with it under my pillow.

[hippielittlemetalhead]

Never Took The Time (To Forget) part 4.1 : With a Capital 'P'

Part 4.2 (Hey Dingus? Idk, the title for that one is up in the air.) will be up as soon as I have it somewhere I like (doing a different character's pov instead of Hop so it's giving me some trouble). Felt really bad that I hadn't updated in a while and this one was getting longer than I expected and I hadn't even gotten Robin really talking yet so... Happy Valentine's Day?

Part 1 (Hop Fucks Up), Part 2 (Pride and Prejudices: Joyce Edition), Part 3 (One of Us)

Family Video and the Arcade were two of the few businesses still operating after the inter-dimensional earthquakes that had tried tearing their town to pieces. Hop knew the kid who used to run the place for his uncle, Keith, had split town with his folks (said uncle in tow) leaving the store and arcade in the care of whatever employees had been willing to stay on payroll while the world fell apart.

He watches as Harrington's (more banged up than never remembers it being) car stops in front of the video store, parked parallel to the curb across at least 3 parking spots, as a wildly gesticulating Robin rolls herself out of the idling vehicle, jabbering loud enough that Hop can hear her voice from down the block. With most cars owned by the folks of Hawkins being commandeered by Owens' government goons to fill the gaps left by lost military vehicles it doesn't much matter but Hop can't help a bit of an eye roll at the kid's audacity.

But then again, he catches himself thinking, Steve was one of the only 'civilians' in-the-know and was well-known for carting around and protecting proven assets to the War Of The Worlds shitshow going on. So was there really an issue if the kid was one of the only cars on the road anyway and because he was even more read-in on the situation than even local law enforcement? If he was not only transporting and protecting people the government had a vested interest in but had proven himself more effective than even Hop and Joyce in wrangling the kids who had basically been saving the world for the last 4 years? If he kept them safe and out of harm's way in the thick of it but also kept them entertained and out from underfoot during the downtime?

Hell, the kid being one of the only employees left at some of the last businesses in town these brats would have any interest in almost guarantees the whole lot of them are continuously stocked in movies, snacks and quarters to distract them from even the most world shaking of calamities.

It hadn't occurred to him until just now what it meant for The Party that Steve and Robin seemed to be the only ones willing to hang around behind the counter at the arcade and sell and rent movies to shell-shocked townsfolk and tight-lipped government goons alike. Fuck, Lucas and Mike were right. He was an asshole.

He's pulled out of the slow spiral of realizing Mike Wheeler of all people had been right about something by Steve hollering one last "Love you, Bobby!" at a grinning and waving Buckley as she flung open the video store door and stumbled inside. He waits for the car and it's driver to round the corner before he gets out of his own government-issued station wagon. Fuck but he missed his truck.

"Welcome to Family Video, I literally just got here so you're gonna have to give me a minute before I can help you."

"I'm uh, I'm not here for a movie." He can tell she recognizes his voice (and it's a little impressive how quickly she clocks him since he's spoken only a couple words anywhere near her maybe twice in his memory. Girl has a good ear) from the way her entire body stills for a split second before whirling back into the hurricane of motion he's come to associate with her.

"Afraid we've only got movies round here, officer. You want any other medium of entertainment I'd suggest the arcade or the distribution yard." She's still not looking at him, hands busy shuffling papers and flipping open VHS cases. "Sorry, guess we'll have to catch up another time."

Hop sighs, running a hand over the short growth he's slowly getting used to again. He'd almost shaved it down again but El had been so happy when she'd realized they were growing out at about the same rate. He couldn't ever say no to her.

"Look, I know you don't like me. And it has been brought to my attention just how much I fucking earned that. But I- I need your help here, to fix it."

The flurry of movement doesn't stop but it's tighter, she's fiddling with something shoved up her shirt sleeve and tapping at the casing of a button connected to a wire leading into her green vest. Bright blue eyes are focused on him and he's almost reminded of the no-nonsense look Nancy Wheeler gets whenever they're faced with the world ending, but the girl in front of him is colder. He has no doubts that where Nancy Wheeler would tear down giants for what she believed is right, Robin Buckley would burn the world if it meant saving her people.

"Fine. He'll be back from his patrol-" He didn't remember assigning a patrol schedule and he's not sure if this is Steve's own initiative or if he's been roped into something by Owens' people. "in about twenty minutes. You have fifteen. Now why should I help you?"

The tag list below. Let me know if you want to be removed or if you go by a new/different tag you want on the list let me know which one I'm replacing and what I'm replacing it with please.

I've had some people ask to be tagged in this series who should already be in the list? If you see your name/tag but didn't get the notification that you were tagged please let me know so we can figure it out.

As always; like, comment and feel free to ask questions in the replies or my ask box.

@thelittleclare @jackiemonroe5512 @0body0disphoria0 @strangersteddierthings @lingeringmirth @dead-cherry-bitch @irethsune @ink777 @the-daydreamer-in-the-corner @ledleaf @pansexuality-activated @paintsplatteredandimperfect @kinryuuki @yikes-a-bee @altocumulustranslucidus @samsoble @sensationalsunburst @xxbottlecapx @y4r3luv @swimmingbirdrunningrock @flustratedcas @rootbeerandmusic @vinteraltus @wonderland-girl143-blog @failedstarsandgoldenclouds @steddie-as-they-go @youdrewstarsxaroundmyscars @i-amthepizzaman @croatoan-like-its-hot @maya-custodios-dionach @ineffable-monster-romancer @asquareinverona @iheartjennaaa @ellietheasexylibrarian

Tags that are not working on my end. Most of these Tumblr acts like they just don't exist and others I see accounts similar but 1 word, letter or number off. Please let me know if I put any of these down wrong!!

@anaibis @wormapothacary @lawrencebshoggoth @steveshairspray @samcoxramblings @rocochen20 @ohimamarigold @child-of-cthulhu

[abitterberryblog]

TWOTM Emissa Corenius : An Over-Analyzation

Major The Will of the Many spoilers and random theories ahead !!

Okay, so when I first read The Will of the Many, I wasn’t reading properly, and I just kinda assumed that Emissa was just a kinda blandly written character in such a well-written world. That was, of course, until the whole twist thing. What I liked was that it wasn’t a complete 360, and that she didn’t end up as extremely bad, but flawed enough for me not to be annoyed with her existence, and for her to not seem like only a Mary Sue 'love interest' character.

The thing is, I don't think she is at all.

First of all, I’m starting this with an analyzation of her relationship with Vis, and her not-so-role as a ‘love interest’. Was it real? Was it fake? I think she eventually did grow to be fond over him after a while, but I’ve always known she was going to betray him somehow. Something about the vibes.

It all started with the glass of water at the infirmary. I know there’s a chance that maybe she’s just, idk, kind or whatever, but after the ending, I’m not so 100% sure.

Not only that, but Ulciscor  constantly nagging about how suspicious he was of her. (Normally I'd pass it off as Ulciscor  being obsessed and hyper-anxious about the mission thing, but this was Emissa, and that caught my interest.)

There’s a really fat chance that she was, somehow, working with Veridius. This does not mean that she’s evil or whatever, and I'm still trying to figure out of Veridius is good or not, but it does make her a lot more interesting and complex.

Towards the end of the Iudicium, Emissa uses Will. You can’t use Will during academy stuff without some sort of source, or somebody allowing to use it. It's simply not possible?? Veridius? He’s literally the Principalis of the academy, after all, and during the infirminary scene at the end of the book, its implied that the Principalis spoke with Emissa beforehand, when he says to Vis that ‘she’s distraught’ and tries convincing Vis to talk to her.

What I noticed in this book is that the author, James Islington, is very careful in what he keeps in the book. Details. Hints. No matter how small or useless they seem. There are MAJOR spoilers, but : Here's a funny example I found.

See? Everything is littered in little details to be explored upon later. Even something as simple as a background detail of Aequa flipping coins.

ALSO, and something that I don’t see talked about for some reason, is the fact that Emissa knows that Indol was planning to deflect from Military to Religion. Indol never told her this. He’s shocked that she knows. Guess who may know??? Veridius???? That's right!!!

The question is, why would Veridius tell Emissa this? No idea from me here. But something else during the Iudicium arc catches my attention, and it’s the fact that Veridius PRIVATELY tells everybody what prize they would get if they won the whole thing. As implied by Eidhin (after he cancels on the Iudicium thing for Vis’ sake), Veridius often tempts them with something they really, really badly want,  and something that would drive them to want to win. 

I’m surprised not many people talk about that scene where Emissa asks Vis for the Heart of Jovan in the Iudicium, so she could win. She’s upset by this, obviously, since she cries and stuff, but I notice that she says “I can’t let us get separated.”

When I first read, I assumed she was talking about Vis, but that wouldn’t make sense, since she basically stabbed him as he fell off a tower (?) like, five seconds later. And also, her and Vis being separated wouldn't be related to her winning the Iudicium, (unless she's in a scenario where she'll have to leave forever or something if she doesn't win, which isn't really likely), Which makes me wonder, who was she really talking about?

Hopefully, we’re find out in the next book. Someone she really cared about? Relative? Family member? Am I missing something? Will this be important?

After all, we don’t exactly 100% know why Veridius planted Vis near the Callidus-Eidhin punchy debacle. He obviously knew Vis would step in.

At first I wondered if he was trying to kick Vis out and expel him, which is probably more likely, but right now I’m running on four hours of sleep and I am high on theories.

I think I’ve read this theory somewhere on the Hierarchy subreddit, too, but what if Veridius planned this whole thing, not to expel Vis, but to plant Vis near the stables as his punishment, maybe for Emissa to keep an eye on him? Or woo him for secrets or whatever the fuck? 

At the very least, whether Veridius did purposely plant Vis there for that sole reason, or as an afterthought after Vis worms himself out with the Threefold Apology, I do think that Veridius did make Emissa watch over Vis on purpose.

Otherwise, I think it’ll be a little random with Emissa just casually joining Vis to scoop horse dung, and I do not care how cool or attractive or fascinating he may appear, I still think it’s important. Hopefully? And why do I think so, you may ask?

I do not really think Islington deliberately wanted Emissa and Vis to be like, endgame, endgame. Like, The EndgameTM.  Maybe Emissa was trying to get more information on him. I don't know. It’s plausible. Emissa is top of the academy after Indol, and besides Indol being of course the smartest (as told by Vis), Emissa is FAR smarter than most readers deem her to be. I don't think everything as simple as this. Emissa simply cannot be this blind and radiant and carefree. She isn't in a perfume ad. We've established, from the book itself, that twotm is LAYERS upon LAYERS and twist after twist.

First of all, I’m so sorry, but Emissa and Vis have like no chemistry (imo). They do have maybe like a teeny, tiny bit, but the thing is that Vis has more chemistry with LITERALLY every other character his age BESIDES Emissa. I know, I know, every writer isn’t perfect, but there’s something so suspicious about Emissa and Vis’ dynamic.

As mentioned once on a Hierarchy Series subreddit post, Emissa and Vis have a strange dynamic that is unlike the others characters. With literally every single other character/friendship/relationship that Vis is in, there are details of each interaction, each feeling Vis has with them, what they do, bla bla bla, snippets of the scene, dialogue, ect.

But with Emissa, it’s sort of just…speedran? Like, besides the whole Suus island romance debacle and theatrics, their interactions just sort of go…

“Emissa visited me in the stables and we talked. For a long time. She helped me. She's nice. Also, her eyes are really green.” 

“Emissa sometimes studied with Callidus and I in the morning, sometimes not. Blablabla, she’s great and funny.”

“Emissa talked with me during Suus after noticing that I was uncomfortable with the politician people, blabla. ”

“Emissa and I trained together. In Three. Emissa helped me study. In Three. Wow, she makes me smile. Haha.”

Obviously, I'm exaggerating, but I'm definitely NOT wrong. Open the book and reread it. I DARE you to tell me I'm wrong.

See, there’s no real scene with them. Is it just me who noticed this? Just a time jump where Vis summarizes everything he did with her and how awesome and fun it was. There’s no way an author, writing a book with this much description and detail, just fumbles a romance by writing it like this.

NOT ONLY THAT, but even the CONFESSION scene isn’t anything as theatric as the rest of the book. Not even a SMIDGEN. Even the whole kiss can be easily forgotten. It’s not some dramatic confession. It's not romantic. It's not even sweet and heart-warming in that subtle, simple way. It's just a really lukewarm 'maybe i like you' and then boom, and it's over in an instant.

Vis mentions Indol and the secret that Emissa accidentally exposes of Indol, and then Emissa (suspiciously) changes the topic to how much she likes Vis and kisses Vis. And then boom, romance. A quick end scene, as if it wasn't ever important.

Isn’t it like, hella SUSPICIOUS? She changed the topic. Kissed him. Distracted him. And then the scene ended like it wasn't a whole Vis-Developing, Emissa-Developing, HUGE relationship moment.

Which, yeah, maybe she did like him at some point, but it sure as hell is convenient, isn’t it? I’m super invested in her character now, which is ironic because I used to not be able to STAND her because I just thought her character was just a really poorly written love interest.

I’m convinced Islington has the writer ability to write a confession/kiss scene much better, and much less random than that. Which means that I really don’t think he INTENDED to make hearts swoon. Just to distract.

Emissa is very fascinating, and few people acknowledge that, and I am EXTREMELY excited for The Strength of the Few to release.

[worriedvision]

Stuck in one place - Kazuha

Gender neutral reader, Kazuha travels to Mondstadt and finds a person who lives in the wilderness, seemingly bored of everything in Mondstadt just looking the same. Unhappy ending

_

When he came to Mondstadt he made the mistake of visiting you - a person who lived in the wilderness of Mondstadt. He was intrigued when hearing of a mysterious "being". Nobody knew who you were, nor were there any missing people's signs up besides the travelers sibling.

He spent time with you, convincing you people made places interesting once he realised you were very introverted but you loved playing your guitar. The music was quite pretty, but ominous to anyone who bought into the rumours you were a deity who planned to kill anyone who got close.

Of course, Kazuha couldn't help but be curious. Perhaps you were like a siren by luring people in with your music, but Kazuha thought you were simply sad.

When you first met, you were immediately taken in by him. You couldn't help but find him attractive, his soft voice matching his appearance. He sat next to you, offering to befriend you because of your music interest.

He'd visit you every night he was in Mondstadt, which led to the inevitable catching proper feelings for him. Ones you hadn't known, ones to warm your chest. He always gave you something interesting to look forward to. He even took you into the town once to show you how many different personalities there are, which once again made you think you were in love.

The last day he was in Mondstadt, you confessed to him. In response, he gave you a reality check.

"I'm afraid I travel alone." Kazha replies.

"I can come with you, please." You insist, only to drop back upon seeing Kazuha become more uncomfortable with your insistence.

"...I can see why you fell for me - I'm the first human you interacted with in a while." When you hear this, you just feel very embarrassed. "I enjoyed our time together in Mondstadt, however I'd prefer to just be friends. I'm sorry, but I don't think I can look at anyone the way you look at me."

Nodding, you slowly turn around nd hunch over, head in your hand as you realise how desperate you have grown.

"Next time I visit Mondstadt, I would like to see you again."

"...Don't visit me again." You blankly reply, Kazuha looking down at his feet. "My time in this world is short, it wouldn't have worked."

"...What?"

"You heard the rumours of a land Siren, yes? Well, that's true - I don't know my origin, but this guitar is a large part of me. I have no family, no friends."

"Apart from-"

"No, even you aren't a friend. All you are trying to do is soften my rejection, that much is clear." You sigh, grasping your guitar. "I have been given orders to burn the guitar, destroy my lifeform. I just wanted to leave this world without any regrets - so thank you for confirming you will never look at me the way I look at you."

"Perhaps if I speak to the Acting Grand Master I can find a cure for...you..." Kazuha stops, noting you have already started to walk away.

He hears you start a fire, and he spots the orange gleam of light that erupts when you throw the guitar in. Kazuha runs up to see you one last time, and you look...neutral. you don't look relieved of sad, you're just there.

Well, not now that you were growing more difficult to see as more of your dorm gets burned in the fire.

The fire died down after some time, leaving behind the guitar strings and the pegs holding them to the one existent body. You are no longer here, Kazuha could tell.

Kazuha places the strings in a more visible slit, finding a stick and making a headstone for you before paying his respects, leaving your body to rest.

[unknownperson246]

I saw you wrote a few fics for Rachel Bolan so I was wondering if you could write a Current Rachel with a fem reader in her early twentys who is Sebastian Bachs daughter and what the reaction would be . I love your writing!

hiii I’m very sorry it’s late also thank you for loving my writing ❤️❤️❤️❤️ but I hope you enjoy it 💋💋

Surprise!:

Words: 894

warnings: *angst* *age gap* *hooking up* *disapproval*

✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧✧･ﾟ:*

You were Sebastian Bach's 24-year-old daughter. You and Rachel never met when you were a kid. Sebastian never introduced his family to his band Skid Row ever. You and Rachel met at a bar. Rachel didn't even know that Sebastian had a daughter. You didn't seem to really care to know any of the members of his band. You were always around your mom. She used to teach you to read and she did makeovers with you. She allowed you to sleep on her bed whenever you wanted to spend the night together with your mom. Sebastian was around you a lot and he was a good dad. He spent the weekends with his band practicing. Skid Row barely did gigs since you were born. Sebastian always told Rachel a bullshit excuse as to why they barely practiced or did big gigs. Skid Row slowly fell apart. All the guys were on bad terms and it just felt weird now that Skid Row was barely a thing anymore. Rachel and Sebastian hadn't been on speaking terms. They could barely look into each other's eyes and talk to each other. Rachel met you at a bar in California. You two had drinks and you conversed. You both hooked up a few times before officially dating. You started to date him for 3 months now and felt it was the right time for him to meet your dad. Little did you know they had known each other for a long time. They both disliked each other and were sour about one another. The way their relationship ended was sad. None of them could recover from how nasty their friendship turned. 

“Rachel I want you to meet my father one day,” You say to him hoping he would say yes. 

“Why can't I meet him now?” He asked, smiling brushing your hair out of your face. 

“You want to meet him now?” You ask.

“Sure. Why not?” He asks. “He is going to be playing his guitar and he is going to be singing at a club tonight. He used to be in a band or something” You explained to Rachel.

“I used to be in a band too. What was his band's name?” Rachel asked.

“I forget what it's called. The band used to be really famous though. They went on tour with a lot of famous bands.” You said to Rachel.

“I had a really famous band too once. It was called Skid Row.” Rachel said as he kissed your cheek.

“That name does sound familiar now.” You muttered under your breath.

It's been a couple of hours and you and Rachel are backstage at a club where your dad is going to play soon. You bought backstage passes to be with your dad. You were standing waiting for him to appear. Rachel was standing behind you and he was a couple of inches shorter than you. You and your dad were the same height. Since Rachel was behind you all he could see was your back. He only caught a glimpse of this mystery man's shadow. You put your arms up in the air and hugged your dad. “Dad. I missed you, how has everything been?” You asked your father. 

“I've been well.” He says.

His voice sounded very close to Sebastian's voice. Rachel slightly flinched at the sound of your dad's voice.

“I have a very special someone I'd love you to meet!” You say to your dad trying to introduce your boyfriend to him. 

“Rachel there is no need to be shy.” You said to him, grabbing his arm and presenting him in front of your father.

“Holy Shit.” Your father says surprised.

 It took Rachel and Sebastian a moment to process all of this information.

“What are you doing here you bastard?” Rachel yelled out. 

You were surprised he spoke to your dad that way.

“You've been dating my daughter?!” Sebastian says pissed off.

You got the hint that they knew each other. You never could have imagined that they knew each other.

“What is going on? How the hell do both of you know each other?” You asked Rachel. 

“He used to be the singer of Skid Row,” Rachel explained to him. 

Sebastian threw his guitar getting ready to fight your boyfriend. You got in the way of both of them. You got your father to calm down. “Dad, you can’t hurt him. He is my boyfriend” You said to your dad loud and clear. 

“Fine. Just keep him away from me” Your dad said, dropping his fists knowing there was nothing he could do to stop you from dating whoever you wanted. The best next solution was to keep Rachel away from him. 

“Okay,” You said to your dad as you walked away hand in hand.

You and Rachel still went on dating knowing that your father had major beef with your boyfriend from the 80s. You knew the age gap between you and Rachel and it didn't bother you. Rachel explained everything that went on between him and your dad. He mentioned that he was 4 years older than Sebastian. You and Rachel both broke up 5 weeks ago because everything was insane. Your father drove Rachel insane and it drove him away from you. You and your dad aren't on speaking terms because your both really upset.

[rosesloveletters]

help me find my way back.

pc: x

Pairing: 1971 Willy Wonka x Reader

Word Count: 1,912

Warnings: Nudity, depictions/mentions of anxiety and depression.

Summary: ‘When it’s storming’, Willy would often say, ‘the last place you want to have your head is in the clouds.’ // Reader and Wonka bathe together, while Reader reflects on their own difficulties as they fight to determine whether true love is strong enough to make them not give up on themself.

Author's Note: This story was born from a long walk taken on a cloudy autumn day. All I had were my thoughts and that was enough. I never would have anticipated I'd be writing for this character, but life works in mysterious ways. I am just pleased to be writing again. Enjoy.

Edited.

divider created by @/saradika on Tumblr.

You knew when it became real love. 

It started with a breath of fresh air you imagined taking, because you were so stifled there beneath the false canopy. You loved the sanctity of the factory, but just once would you have delighted in the feeling of warm sunlight sinking into your skin instead of the fluorescent lights recessed into the ceiling above your head. You missed having your head in the clouds instead of gazing up at artificial cirrus and synthetic cerulean blue. 

You could have left any time you liked, but that would have been too easy. Some dreams were worth chasing, even if it came with certain sacrifices. You could make do without a lungful of outside air, but you couldn’t take a chance on losing out on yourself. 

There was a time when you were the cause of the crushing weight on your chest; you would reclaim that time proudly, which coincidentally was the very heart of the problem. 

If the heart knew what it wanted, then yours must have lost its way a long time ago. Perhaps that was why you’d been experiencing palpitations lately. 

This would not be the first time your heart led you astray. 

Even so, you hoped that this time might be different. 

‘Could this be enough?’ you asked yourself. ‘Could he be enough?’

Your mind had been cloudy enough to make up for the lack of them in here. You felt trapped inside a mind and body that were not your own; you could not control your own brain and no longer could manipulate your thoughts. You hesitated when you spoke because your train of thought kept derailing. 

It wasn’t enough to keep trying to save someone who was already lost.

That was, until the echoes of him came to exist within your very pulse. His cornflower blue eyes – you’ve been pining for that same shade of blue sadness for far too long – were reminiscent of ones you laced within your own hair as a child. His literacy reignited your hunger for knowledge and how you used to devour each page of the books you loved. His sarcastic wit reminded you of how you’d painstakingly perfected the art of elocution and used it to your advantage time and again. 

He bridged the gap between your past and present and in the death of your disunity, you fell in love, both with him and with yourself. 

His presence in your life cut through the fog in your mind like headlights glistening through the haze. You still had miles to go, uncharted territory to map out, before you could lie down and rest comfortably within his arms, but even though you had a long way to travel, he’d take every step with you as if the journey were his own. 

Never would you cry yourself to sleep alone, feeling the weight of your misery pressing down on you rather than the warm body of your beloved. 

You had known love before and felt it, deep within the presently vacant cavity of your chest. You knew it existed and, yet it came and went, changing like the seasons, traveling like a storm. 

If love were meant to be that violent, then why was his embrace as warm as springtime sunshine? Why were his eyes clear blue like that of the sky after it rained? Why did his heart beat, not like thunder, but like undulating ripples of a quiet pond? 

He filled your mind with poetry and it came spilling out of you now. 

If you were to take the form of a golden leaf, nature’s waste discarded upon the ground, would your beauty be unique enough to make him pick you up and put you in his pocket? If you were a clump of moss growing steadily upon a concrete pillar, would you be able to feel the graze of his fingertips along your plush foliage? If the two of you were coffee rings left by two overflowing mugs staining the mahogany, would you overlap? 

It was no question as to what had changed to make you think this way again; as often as you’d tried to fill the void in your chest with someone else’s heart, he made you realize the one you must nurture first is your own. 

You would sink into yourself again, the same way you were about to sink into the bath you’d just run for you and Willy. 

You reached for the faucet and turned it, shutting the water off, and watched the last few drops cling to the cold steel, then fall into the bath. You reached out and let your fingers delicately graze the surface of the water as you tested the temperature. You were delighted by how easily calm waters turned rough; Willy would say you’re halfway to a metaphor there. 

Once you had deemed the water warm enough, you got off your knees and turned to face your lover as the bathroom door was opened. 

He stepped inside the room and closed the door behind him, turning around to meet your loving gaze. 

You both undressed in the comfortable silence of the small bathroom. The air was thick with steam and drops of condensation clustered on the mirror above the vanity. You had lit several candles which smelled of honey and warm sugar and placed them strategically throughout the room to aid your vision without an onslaught to the senses. 

With your clothing out of the way, you let Willy settle into the bath first. 

Your eyes raked over him in the low light accentuating the curves and supple accents of his body and you took in the way the water rose several inches when he sank down into it. He extended an arm to guide you into him once he was ready and you gingerly lifted one leg over the side of the bathtub, letting him take hold of you by the hand as you eased your way towards him. 

You lover’s warm hands were gentle as he helped you sit in the bath with him. 

When your back connected with his front, you let out a soft sigh of pleasure at both the warmth of the water and the closeness of your bodies. 

You both basked in the intimate glow permeating the darkened room and you felt the gravitational pull between your two forms. Your future was constellated, a string of stars wrapped around your hearts, connecting one with the other. 

You were uncertain whether you believed in soulmates, but if you were asked to put how you felt for him into words, you would have said that you were sure you were made of dust from the same star. 

“Are you comfortable, dear?” 

The sound of his voice overwhelmed you with emotion and you turned to look at him. You met his strikingly blue gaze and the first thing you thought was how much you missed him. 

You missed him, yet he was there with you. 

You could feel the warm press of his body against yours, much warmer than that of the water because you knew what you were feeling was him.  

It did not make sense to say that you missed him, but perhaps that tightness in your chest and the clenching fist around your heart and the tears that were burning the backs of your eyes were caused by the same culprit; it might be impossible to miss what was right in front of you, but you had somehow found a way, because it wasn’t Willy whom you had missed with all your heart – it was yourself.

You had lost yourself in the search for something better and you could have cried till you ran out of tears, screamed until you had no voice left. 

The processional of time had not been kind to your brain. You were riddled with anxieties you did not remember developing and those rotten, malevolent thoughts were taking up space where your lover used to be. His face was shrouded in mystery not of his own doing. 

You had taken him away from yourself before you’d been honored the pleasure of calling him yours. 

You couldn’t see the forest for the trees because you had let yourself grow complacent.

When you recessed into yourself too far, Willy coaxed you out again. He would help you return to the person you once were and find yourself again in this changed world. 

You nodded peacefully at his question, “yes. This feels lovely, thank you.” 

His only response came in the form of a gentle hum and you felt yourself sink into him at that, his body, your vessel, and his love, your anchor. 

Beneath the surface of the water, his arms encircled you, fingers linking together as he held you within the comfort of his embrace. He could sense that though you were quiet, your mind was loud and without hesitation, he began humming a tune. His melodious voice silenced your mind almost immediately and the only resounding thought inside your head was how lucky you were to experience a love like this one. 

Willy hummed the verses to ‘Pure Imagination’ while the two of you laid in the bath. Though you had heard him sing the words too many times to count, there was something different about it this time, like he was trying to communicate with you about something important but lacked the right words. 

Willy Wonka was in possession of one of the vastest vocabularies you’d come to know in the mo, so that wasn’t it, but in your weary heart, you knew what it was. 

You needed a reminder that your mind was a great tool, not just one that tormented you. 

And, if your own mind became too much for you, he would let you get lost within his for a while, where you would be free, if you truly wished to be. 

That was enough to send one tear tumbling down your cheek as you nestled into him, hoping he would not notice, but he did. His hold on you tightened and his chin now rested on the top of your head. Arms that had previously been locked around you parted and his hand found yours under the water. He held you tight, keeping you on the ground with him. 

‘When it’s storming’, Willy would often say, ‘the last place you want to have your head is in the clouds.’

There would be plenty of time to lose yourself in imagination. For now, your attention was his.

He continued to hum to you, held protectively in his arms until he could sense that you were calm. 

There were times when Willy questioned his own mind and the things it did to him, never quite understanding where the thoughts came from, which were dreams and which were nightmares. He had mistaken one for the other on more than one occasion and needed to be brought out of his racing mind. With you there to remind him of that, he was able to differentiate. 

If he could help you to better understand yourself, he would. He would travel the world over, do the impossible, think unthought of things and invent a way to return you to yourself if he could. 

But, above all else, Willy wanted you to know that he loved you, fiercely, passionately, completely. 

Perhaps this love would be enough to make you want to keep fighting to save yourself. 

[lucifersresources]

taylor swift // reputation rp meme.

edit/alter/change pronouns etc as you see fit!  

...ready for it?

knew he was a killer.

he's a ghost.

i see nothing better.

touch me and you'll never be alone.

no one has to know.

in my dreams, you should see the things we do.

i know i'm gonna be with you.

are you ready for it?

every love in comparison is a failure.

i'm so very tame now.

let the games begin.

end game.

i wanna be your end game.

you and me, we got big reputations.

i got some big enemies.

you like the bad ones.

i don't wanna miss you.

i don't wanna hurt you.

they told you i'm crazy.

i swear i don't love the drama, it loves me.

i can't let you go.

your hand prints on my soul.

you've been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks.

i did something bad.

i never trust a narcissist, but they love me.

this is how the world works.

all he thinks about is me.

i can feel the flames on my skin.

i owe him nothing.

he had it coming.

they say i did something bad.

they say i did something bad, then why's it feel so good?

i let them think they saved me.

they never see it coming.

you gotta leave before you get left.

they're burning all the witches, even if you aren't one.

don't blame me.

love made me crazy.

my drug is my baby.

i've been breaking hearts a long time.

something happened.

i just need you.

for you i would cross the line.

for you i would lose my mind.

she's gone too far this time.

i'm just gonna call you mine.

i'm insane, but i'm your baby.

i once was poison ivy, but now i'm your daisy.

for you i would fall from grace.

i'd beg you on my knees to stay.

i get to high every time you're loving me.

delicate.

this ain't for the best.

my reputation's never been worse.

you must like me for me.

we can't make any promises now can we?

just think of the fun things we could do.

is it cool that i said all that?

is it chill that you're in my head?

i know that it's delicate.

is it too soon to do this yet?

do the girls back home touch you like i do?

stay here, honey, i don't wanna share.

are you ever dreaming of me?

i pretend you're mine.

look what you made me do.

i don't like your little games.

i don't like your perfect crime.

i got smarter, i got harder in the nick of time.

i rose up from the dead.

i rose up from the dead, i do it all the time.

look what you made me do.

all i think about is karma.

maybe i got mine, but you'll all get yours.

i don't trust nobody.

i'll be the actress starring in your bad dreams.

so it goes.

you make everyone disappear.

gold cage, hostage to my feelings.

i'm yours to keep.

i'm yours to lose.

i do bad things with you.

you make me jealous.

i got your heart skipping.

you did a number on me.

gorgeous.

you've ruined my life by not being mine.

you're so gorgeous.

i'm so furious at you for making me feel this way.

i feel like i might sink and drown and die.

there's nothing i hate more than what i can't have.

getaway car.

nothing good starts in a getaway car.

it was the best of times, the worst of crimes.

i wanted to leave him.

i needed a reason.

x marks the spot where we fell apart.

i was lying to myself.

we never had a shotgun shot in the dark.

don't pretend it's such a mystery.

think about the place where you first met me.

there were sirens in the beat of your heart.

should've known i'd be the first to leave.

but with three of us, honey, it's a sideshow.

a circus ain't a love story.

now we're both sorry.

us traitors never win.

that was the last time you ever saw me.

king of my heart.

i'm perfectly fine.

i'm better off alone.

we rule the kingdom inside my room.

all at once, you are the one i have been waiting for.

you are all i want.

i'll never let you go.

your love is a secret i'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep.

the taste of your lips is my idea of luxury.

is this the end of all the endings?

my broken bones are mending.

all at once, this is enough.

this is enough.

dancing with our hands tied.

i loved you in secret.

we love without reason.

how were you to know.

my love had been frozen.

my love had been frozen deep blue, but you painted me golden.

you painted me golden.

i could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets.

there was nothing in the world that could stop it.

i had a bad feeling.

you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis.

there was no one in the world who could take it.

i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.

can we dance through an avalanche?

i'm a mess.

i'm the mess that you wanted.

it's gravity keeping you with me.

dress.

they got no idea about me and you.

there is an indentation in the shape of you.

made your mark on me.

my hands are shaking from holding back from you.

say my name and everything just stops.

i don't want you like a best friend.

only bought this dress so you could take it off.

carve your name into my bedpost.

if i get burned, at least we were electrified.

everyone thinks that they know us.

they know nothing.

even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me.

now i wake up by your side.

my one and only, my lifeline.

this is why we can't have nice things.

there are no rules.

feeling so gatsby for that whole year.

why'd you have to rain on my parade?

this is why we can't have nice things.

did you think i wouldn't hear all the things you said about me?

you stabbed me in the back.

friends don't try to trick you.

if only you weren't so shady.

here's a toast to my real friends.

forgiveness is a nice thing to do.

i can't even say it with a straight face.

call it what you want.

my castle crumbled overnight.

they took the crown.

they took the crown, but it's alright.

nobody's heard from me in months.

nobody's heard from me in months, i'm doing better than i ever was.

i'm doing better than i ever was.

call it what you want.

my baby loves me like i'm brand new.

all my flowers grew back as thorns.

he built a fire just to keep me warm.

they fade to nothing when i look at him.

i make the same mistakes every time.

at least i did one thing right.

i did one thing right.

starry eyes sparking up my darkest night.

he really knows me.

you don't need to save me.

would you run away with me?

you don't need to save me, but would you run away with me?

new year's day.

don't read the last page.

i stay when you're lost.

i'm scared.

you're turning away.

i want your midnights.

i'll be cleaning up bottles with you on new year's day.

you squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi.

i can tell that it's gonna be a long road.

i'll be there if you're the toast of the town.

i'll be there if you're the toast of the town, or if you strike out and you're crawling home.

hold on to the memories.

hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you.

please don't ever become a stranger.

don't ever become a stranger whose laugh i could recognise anywhere.

you and me forevermore.

i will hold on to you.

[puzzled-pegasus]

Guys guys guys guys guys guys g---

I just had the worst thought (what makes it even worse is that i would never be able to carry it out) about a wroef pmv to the song Red by Taylor Swift but it's the Finch kids missing their dead siblings???

"Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly Loving him is like trying to change your mind Once you're already flying through the free fall Like the colors in autumn, so bright, just before they lose it all"

Ending suddenly? Flying throught the free fall?? AUTUMN LEAVES???? CALVIN????????

"Losing him was blue, like I'd never known Missing him was dark gray, all alone Forgetting him was like trying to know Somebody you never met But loving him was red Loving him was red"

The "blue" here would refer to the ocean that Calvin fell to, and Sam's grief is the dark gray. The red might refer to Calvin's passion and adventurous spirit in life.

"Touching him was like realizing all you ever wanted Was right there in front of you Memorizing him was as easy as knowing all the words To your old favorite song Fighting with him was like trying to solve a crossword And realizing there's no right answer Regretting him was like wishing you never found out That love could be that strong"

And of course the next verse refers to Dawn and Gus, especially the fighting bit. They didn't always get along, especially not near the end.

"Losing him was blue, like I'd never known Missing him was dark gray, all alone Forgetting him was like trying to know Somebody you never met But loving him was red Oh, red Burning red"

I have a feeling that "blue" in this verse could refer to (and this is extremely morbid) the bruises/internal bleeding Dawn may have seen on Gus after he was crushed to death. And I think the "dark gray" would refer to Dawn standing outside in cloudy weather, thinking about her brother that she lost, before she sends his kite into the sky to fly it for him, which would be the "red."

"Remembering him comes in flashbacks and echoes Tell myself it's time now gotta let go But moving on from him is impossible When I still see it all in my head In burning red Burning, it was red"

Lewis and Milton here. It's Lewis having trouble getting out of his head, and Milton appearing there once in a while. Lewis feels like it's been so long, he should be over Milton by now. He isn't.

Those are the main parts that matter to me rn, if you read all of this that's awesome and thanks so much. Not sure if many people will or if I illustrated this idea properly lol

[autumnslance]

send LOST for a scene from my muse's past in which they felt lost, literally or figuratively {Zaine}

He was supposed to protect her.

Zaine's axe and armor, Evienne's spells and social acumen. They were a matched set of opposites, a team that had traversed the realm for months now. That's how it worked.

On reflection, he really hadn't known her that long; less than a year. Yet everything they had gone through made it feel much longer, or at least more intense. They had shared their histories, their hopes, more than a few secrets.

Never a bed, though; as much as he'd come to love her, it was not in that way. And she was still mourning the loss of her spouse, besides. So fierce friends and comrades they were.

...They had been.

Zaine was going to tear Gaius van Baelsar into pieces.

"Hey," Yda said, wandering over to sit with him.

"Hey," he replied, taking a deep breath and sitting up. "You doing all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. How--"

"How about Papalymo? And Thancred?"

She frowned. "They're all right, Zaine. Everyone is."

Not everyone.

Before he could say more, she stuck her finger against his lips. "How are you?" she demanded to know, glimpses of her blue eyes through the mask showing her own sadness and resolve. She removed her finger.

Zaine slumped. "I keep feeling like I did everything wrong. Missed something, forgot something. If I'd been a little more on guard--and I know, I know that's not how it works, I know you all rushed cuz you only found out too late, but I--" He rested his head in his hands, clutching his hair.

"I feel like 'it's not your fault' won't help, huh?"

He huffed out a bitter laugh. "No." They were silent for a moment. "I know he targeted her as a caster, as a threat. Even if I had been in her place, even if I had been on guard. And I know...Evienne chose this, same as the rest of us, but it...Gods, this hurts."

"Of course it does," Yda replied softly. "It will for a long while."

He sat back now, leaning on the wall behind him, Yda watching. "If I knew anything of Eorzean etiquette as a boy, I forgot it. Evienne, though...she had impeccable manners. And took it upon herself to teach me better. My rough soldier ways grated on her lady's sensibilities." He smiled thinly. "I don't think I'd have made half as good an impression on all those people without her. And nevermind how many of her own heroics have been overlooked. It's not fair."

"A lot of things aren't," Yda said. "Minfilia's speaking to her sister, and her son. He's so little."

"Yeah," Zaine said. "Not much older than my sister was, when we lost our father. This kid's lost both his parents now and I don't...I feel like I should say something, but what? 'I was your mum's partner but failed to protect her from a Garlean bullet'?"

"Zaine, you can't say that."

"No, of course not, I just," he pinched his nose, trying to stay the renewed feeling of prickling heat in his eyes, threatening another deluge. "I don't know what to say. I don't know what to do. She would know; that's what she was good at! It's all her clever words and maneuvering that's made me seem a hero; people think I know what I'm doing, but I don't. And there's still so much happening, no time to sit here and wallow, but Sisters help me, I don't know how I'm going to do it without her!"

The tears fell despite his attempts; guilt and shame as much as grief pouring from him. Yda was silent, simply holding his hand, squeezing tightly, a reminder he had more friends and allies, more people to help, to rely on.

Just not his companion.

--

((As the 1.0 WoL, Zaine traveled around with a Path Companion, who I decided was a prim & proper elezen conjurer named Evienne. There is, however, a famous scene where Gaius shoots the Path Companion, and then fights Thancred, Y'shtola, Papalymo, and Yda. In Zaine's continuity, his Path Companion dies from the injuries inflicted in that incident.))

[multi-fandom-simp]

Ghost of you

Helaena Targaryen x Female!Reader (MAIN), Slight Aemond Targaryen x Female!Reader

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the House of The Dragon or Fire & Blood characters. I do not claim any of them as my own. This work is purely fictional.

Synopsis: You and Helaena had been lovers in secret for years, peaceful and content lovers at that. What happens when the dance of dragons turns that peace into pain? Could you live with the burden of everything being torn from your grasp?

! TW !: Mention of character death. mention of blood, heavy drinking, brief mention of incest(between Helaena and Aemond, not the reader), mentions of murder, mention of suicide, self harm, hallucinations, bad mental health, angst ofc

(A/N: This a little blurb I had while listening to some music earlier, and I just had to write it down. It is based off of "Ghost of You" by 5SOS. It fit Helaena so well, I couldn't not write it. I've never done a writing centered around a song, so it was fun to experiment. As always, I love to hear your thoughts on the piece or even helpful criticism, so don't be shy, I always love to talk/listen! Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy!)

(P.S. Dialogue will be in italics like always, but the song lyrics are in bold italics!)

Word Count: 1,267

You couldn't quite pinpoint the moment in which you fell head over heels for your husband's sister, Helaena Targaryen. Also known as the dreamer or the idiot as Aegon would disdainfully call her. She had been a constant part of your life from the moment you were betrothed to her brother, Aemond, up until now. Originally greeting you as a friend and soon-to-be sister, then turning into the very reason your heartbeat. Neither Aemond nor Aegon cared, in fact, the two of them preferred it. Aemond loved his sister in the same way you did, and Aegon didn't care what the three of you did as long as he could visit his whores. The pair of them still did their duty of course, as did you and Aemond.

Alysara and Alarys were the names that Helaena had gifted the first and only two children you would have with Aemond. In return, you had gifted similar names to her first two babes. Jaehaera and Jaehaerys had undoubtedly been Aegon's, but Maelor came as a result of Helaena's first night with you and Aemond. Though Aemond wasn't a bad father, you and your lover were mainly the ones raising the brood of Targaryen children. Almost as if it were only the two of you who had produced the small little family. If only it could've stayed that way forever.

~Here I am waking up, still can't sleep on your side

There's your coffee cup, the lipstick stain fades with time~

The blinding sun is what rouses you from your slumber rather than Helaena's airy whispers. It crawls through the corners of your eyes, forcing them to open, forcing them to stare at the wine chalice still left on the balcony's edge. You focus on the rose-colored imprint staining the edge of the glass, it's the same imprint that she often left on your cheek.

~If I can dream long enough, you'd tell me I'd be just fine

I'll be just fine~

You can almost see her, if you close your eyes slowly enough that is. The glare from the sun outlines Helaena's body as she bound towards the bed. Her wild ashen hair glimmers like whisps of wind and the laughter bubbling from her lips sounds like a handful of diamonds.

"You'll miss the sunrise, Issa jorrāelagon" My love. The moment she says those two words her image flickers. Her feet were now firmly planted on the edge of the balcony rather than the floor of it.

"Forgive me, Issa jorrāelagon" and just like that, the dream is over and Helaena is gone.

~So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you~

Squeezing your eyes shut does nothing to erase the memory, but wine does. The scarlet poison is what drags you from bed on this morning, and every other morning as well. The wildfire that it sparks in your throat keeps the memories behind a wall of fire.

~And I chase it down, with a shot of truth

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you~

Between every swig and every gulp, there is a breath. A sharp, hiccupping breath that reminds you that you're still alive. You're alive and Helaena is not. The breath is drowned out with another swig and then another gulp. You repeat the cycle until you're no longer dancing alone in the sunlight.

"I'm here, Issa jorrāelagon" The smell of citrus and grass announces her presence. It drowns you better than wine does. Burning not only your throat but your heart too.

~Cleaning up today, found that old Zeppelin shirt

You wore when you ran away, and no one could feel your hurt~

You reached out to touch her, hold her, anything to know that she was real. The cotton of her dress no more than grazed your fingers before it was pooling with blood. It ran down your fingers like spilled wine.

"You're not here, not really" Another swig, another gulp, this time to choke down the sobs. Before you know it, the walls began to sway. You reach out for the bedpost only to meet the cold ground instead. The stone floor is unforgiving against your head.

~We're too young, too dumb, to know things like love~

Innocent giggles and the telltale sound of lips bounce off the walls, " I'd like to do that again."

"I can't deny a princess now can I?" You had sounded so young, so naïve, nothing like how you were now. The only thing remaining true throughout your growth was the unwavering loyalty to Helaena. Even in death your heart only answered to her.

"You'll be a princess once you marry Aemond-"

"-I'd much rather marry you." Perhaps things would've been different if you were allowed to love Helaena openly. You could've asked for her hand, married her, saved her from birthing Aegon's children. Saved her from losing them because they were Aegon's children.

~But I know better now, better now~

"It should've never been you" Your sobs were the only truthful thing at the moment. Your husband had been the one to kill Lucerys Velaryon, so why was it Helaena who lost her son and not you? She had loved both of your children as her own, but their loss would've never driven her to madness as Jaehaerys's death had.

A son for a son, and yet they had taken much more than that. It started with a son and then ended with a lover. They had even taken your husband from you. It didn't even matter if you truly loved him or not. The fact that he was gone and with Helaena in whatever afterlife there was felt like torture to you. Aemond should've been here to keep you from drowning, but he wasn't.

~So I drown it out like I always do

Dancing through our house with the ghost of you~

"Hurry, you'll miss the sunrise!" You pushed yourself up on trembling arms and tried to stand. You got a few inches from the ground before your knee crashed back down.

" I'm coming, birdy, I promise" The pads of your fingers broke open as you stumbled your way along the rough ground. Every push and pull more agonizing than the last, but it all vanished once you looked up. Helaena's feet padded softly as she twirled past you and over to the balcony where her cup still lay. She brought the chalice to her rose-colored lips, peering over the rim as she did so. Your heart stuttered as her eyes met yours.

"Wait for me," you wanted to scream. Instead, you pushed harder, even grabbing the walls for leverage. Push after pull, scrape after scuffle, you eventually reach your love, your Helaena.

~And I chase it down, with a shot of truth

Your hands reached for her once more, " You're here-"

That my feet don't dance like they did with you~

"-muña?" You stumbled forward against the balcony's railing, Helaena disappearing with the wind. You turned your head to find your oldest boy, Alarys, with Jaehaera by his side. Her little eyes were wide with fear as she observed you crumpled against the same balcony that she had watched her mother jump from. Jaehaera's eyes were like a douse of cold water as realization dawned on you. Looking down, your feet left trails of scarlet, your dress was torn in places, and most importantly, you were alone. You had not been dancing, you had been crawling. Helaena was never here.

You were doing nothing more than dancing with the ghost of her.

[corrodedseraphine]

have mercy on me | #4 before you go

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

chapter summary: When your emotions calm down you realize how much you miss him but Eddie always disappears before you can take any step. All this time, he has been the one trying to do everything to keep your paths from parting permanently, but now it's your turn to take matters into your own hands.

the story is also avaliable on ao3

previous chapter | masterlist | eddie munson masterlist | general masterlist

Here we are! The end! At first I didn't expect that so many people would be interested in this story, you don't even know how your interactions with it make me feel happy. Thank you all so much, for every, even the smallest gesture showing your support! I hope you will enjoy this ending!

Unworthy. You would never think you would hate a word. You hated the sound of his voice when he said it. So broken. So weak. Lost in your own pain, it didn't even cross your mind that the always smiling Eddie could in fact be his own greatest tormentor. He punished himself far more than you did. He didn't need you at all to make him realize how big a mistake he had made. 

You thought about what was before all this. Did he think of himself that way then, too? Did he hate himself so much already then that he thought he didn't deserve anything good? Did he think of himself as someone worthless even at that time? Why did he never say anything? Why did you never even allow yourself to think that he was his own worst enemy? 

You felt terrible. You failed him. You failed as the friend you thought you were for so long, and that hurt even more than your broken heart.

From the moment of your conversation, Eddie disappeared completely from your life. There were no more notes, cookies or funny riddles and silly attempts to make you smile. He hardly ever showed up at school, and if he did he kept to the shadows, not wanting to draw anyone's attention to himself. Everyone was shocked when, for another week in a row, no one heard the loud speeches made on the cafeteria table or the insults hurled at Jason and his gang. Eddie Munson's flame was extinguished, leaving behind only a soft gray smoke.

When your first performance was a success and people loved you, you were invited to The Soul stage more often. Each time you could see his pale face with watered eyes at the end of the hall at a table in the corner. Nevertheless, when you glanced there while singing there was always a gentle, slightly sad smile on his face, and whenever you saw it something clenched at your heart. 

You missed him. Day by day you were more and more sure that the pain he caused you then was no match for the one you feel when he is not in your life. The void he left behind is like a dark abyss from which there is no way out. Every day you thought about all this. After countless conversations with Robin, you decided to believe him that everything was over between him and Chrissy, Steve, on his part, thought you should give him a chance to at least try to make things right. That was the end of your self-pity. Both of you have suffered a lot through this situation and it's time to end it. It was time to fight for at least a little happiness in your lives. 

You were just finishing the last song when you looked into the corner of the room. He was still sitting there with the same smile as always. This time you tried to make eye contact, from which he did not escape. Taking a deep breath without announcement, you began to play the melody of the new song. 

I fell by the wayside, like everyone else I hate you, I hate you, I hate you But I was just kidding myself Our every moment, I start to replace 'Cause now that they're gone All I hear are the words that I needed to say

When you hurt under the surface Like troubled water running cold Well, time can heal, but this won't

So, before you go Was there something I could've said To make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather So, before you go Was there something I could've said To make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go

Was never the right time, whenever you called Went little, by little, by little until there was nothing at all Our every moment, I start to replay But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face

When you hurt under the surface Like troubled water running cold Well, time can heal, but this won't

So, before you go Was there something I could've said To make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather

So, before you go Was there something I could've said To make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go

Would we be better off by now If I'd let my walls come down? Maybe, I guess we'll never know You know, you know

Before you go Was there something I could've said To make your heart beat better? If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather So, before you go Was there something I could've said To make it all stop hurting? It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless So, before you go

You felt powerless. You couldn't force him to start appearing in your life again, apparently he didn't want that. Maybe he realized that he didn't really want you that way? You wanted to accept that your path together had come to an end, but you couldn't. Eddie Munson was a part of your heart, and you still hoped he hadn't given up. All this time you were afraid to take the first step even though you knew you should. You knew that in some way you should show that you missed him, that you didn't want him to give up on you, but you couldn't. All these weeks you were blocked, but tonight you hoped that he would understand the message. That he would understand that even though there is a gap between you, you might be able to build a bridge. You wanted him to understand how bad you felt about not noticing his self-destructive thoughts poisoning his perspective on himself and those around him. You hoped that tonight you would be able to talk before he left. 

You didn't. After the show was over, you quickly left the stage, but he was no longer at the table, as always. He always disappeared when you finished playing. You ran outside the building hoping to catch him, but it was too late. He was gone. Eddie Munson disappeared from your life, at your own request leaving a burden and regret on your heart.

"Y/n I'm begging you, you have to talk to me because I'm about to go crazy." said Robin entering your room together with Steve. "Help us understand you!" 

"How can I help you if I don't understand myself?!" This was one of the moments when you couldn't stand yourself. When you wanted at least for a few hours to become someone else entirely, or just like that, to disappear and be reborn. "At first I hated him for what he did, I couldn't look at him! It hurt so much when he chose her over me! Then- Then I started to miss him, and he did everything so that I wouldn't forget him, and it worked, because I couldn't, I still can't! When I finally dealt with my stupid broken heart and realized that some part of me wanted to forgive him and wanted him back he said all those things that opened my eyes, Robin. He suffered all the time, probably much more than I did, because while I was thinking about how I didn't deserve to be treated this way he was telling himself all the time that he deserved everything worst!" that sentence by sentence you spoke faster and faster, you could hardly catch your breath. "He went back to her because he thought this was the love he deserved. It wasn't even love! She treated him like trash and he thought that was the best thing that could happen to him? Holy shit how could I have missed all this? How could I be so blind?" 

"Hey, don't blame yourself for that, none of us knew. He hid the whole thing too well." said Steve sitting down next to you on the bed. "He was scared of what you were able to give him. For the first time in his entire life, he found someone who wasn't ashamed of him. Someone who loved him back and that scared him." 

"Do you think that he loved me?" you asked quietly.

"Of course he did! How could he not?" Robin said, sitting down on the other side. "He got scared and chose the worst possible option. No matter how much I want to strangle him for causing you all this pain, I will hardly admit that dingus is right. He deserves a chance to explain himself and try to make things right."

"But he doesn't even want a second chance anymore! He's made up his mind, I can't force him to start caring again!" you grabbed a pillow and hid your face in it. 

"You're not going to suffocate yourself on my watch." Steve said snatching the pillow out of your hand.

"Last time after the show I wanted to talk to him, I really wanted to make the first move but before I could get off the stage he was gone. I don't understand how from the point where I couldn't look at him now I can't stand knowing he's not with me. I feel like a psycho."

"Maybe you never really wanted him to leave? He hurt you, and that's why your emotions were running through you, now that they've calmed down a bit you just miss him." 

"You're not crazy, you're just in love, and that sometimes makes a person the biggest weirdo in the world." Robin laughed lightly while resting her head on your shoulder. 

"What should I do now?" you sighed leaning your head against hers.

"All this time he's been the one taking the initiative, maybe it's time for you to do it?" suggested Steve.

"But how? I can't just walk up to him at school, I have no idea how this is all going to end, and drama in front of everyone is the last thing I need. Going to his trailer is also out...It would be too much. It would feel like I was invading his safety zone." 

"I have an idea." Robin stood up. "As far as not being a big fan of such events," she rolled her eyes. "I'm able to make an exception for you. There's a big party tomorrow at Lucy Moore's house, a big house full of kids who have pockets stuffed with their parents' money, Eddie definitely won't pass up the opportunity to enrich himself." 

"It's a really good idea, even if things don't go too well everyone around will be too drunk or high to register anything, besides, Robin and I will be around." 

"I don't know..." you said uncertainly. Is a party where most of the school will be there a good idea? Not really. But did you have any better? Of course not. 

When you arrived the party was already in full swing, with hardly anyone paying attention to you, for which you were grateful. Some people were dancing in the living room, others were playing beer pong or arranging competitions in who would drink more, others were making out on the stairs, the couch and other available places in the house. Typical. You and your friends headed toward the kitchen to pour yourself something to drink hoping that the alcohol would loosen you up a bit and help you overcome the paralyzing fear you felt at the very thought of confronting him.

Time passed, and you didn't feel the slightest bit more confident. You had already had two drinks and were just about to start a third, just watching him walk down the hallway from time to time, come out of the bathroom or enter the room with one of the members of the basketball team, who after a while contentedly came out and stuffed something in his pocket. Noticing him going out into the garden you walked away from Robin and went in the same direction. You've got this. Repeating these words in your mind you took one last gulp and stepped outside.

The cold wind was a shock to you compared to the heat that was inside. You noticed him sitting on a plastic chair with his head raised toward the sky. Slowly approaching him you sat down near the chair on the grass without a word. Trying to find the right words to start a conversation, you began to open your mouth only to close it immediately. Eddie registered your presence yet still did not take his eyes off the stars, afraid that this conversation might end like the previous ones. Nothing more than pain and tears. Both of you were sick of it.

"How drunk are you?" he asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"Three drinks." you answered quietly.

"One more and your inner dancer will wake up." he chuckled. Whenever you drank together he joked that around the fourth drink you always wanted to dance.

"I want to talk to you Eddie." you changed the subject. "I want to talk to you, but I have no idea what to say, where to start." 

Finally he looked at you, sitting with your legs crossed on the grass in the moonlight and garden lights you looked beautiful. Almost to the point of being unreal. It seemed unreal that you had come here to talk to him. But even if it was just a product of his imagination to cope with a broken heart he decided to surrender to it. He got up from his chair and sat down next to you, so that your knees were touching. 

"I love you." he said knocking you out of rhythm. 

"W-what?" The shock on your face didn't surprise him. He himself didn't expect that today would be the first time he would tell you such a thing. 

"I realized that in all this time I haven't told you this once. And you should know it. You should also know that it was thanks to you that I understood what love is and what it should look like. Without looking at how things ended between us, the fact that it hurts so much at least reminds us that it was real, doesn't it?" He turned his face toward you. He was so close, at your fingertips. He was weak. He was weak when your eyes shone more beautifully than the sky above you, when a strand of hair fell charmingly on your face, when your lips looked so delicately beautiful, when your scent which he had not smelled for so long crept into his system intoxicating him. He felt helpless. He missed you so much, craved your presence so much, couldn't help himself when he finally had you so close to him. No wonder this confession escaped from his lips. As soon as he felt your proximity all defense mechanisms shut down leaving his heart unprotected, if you decide to tear it apart - he will let you. Now only lovesick feeling for you controlled him. 

He slowly raised his hand to push a strand of hair away from your face. It was just an excuse for his fingers to gently brush your skin. You stared at him with slightly parted lips. Your gaze wandered from his eyes to his lips and back again. "I really love you y/n..." he whispered. He didn't expect any response or reaction from you, but under the excitement you brought your face closer to his by resting your foreheads against each other. His hand stopped on your cheek, which he stroked with his thumb. One more step forward. One more step. You thought. You wanted it. You wanted his closeness, you needed it. At that moment, nothing else mattered to you but that one tiny step forward. Before you go, Eddie. Before the cruel reality catches up with you. As if reading your mind, Eddie took a deep breath and his hand moved from your cheek to under your chin. He slowly lifted it with his finger and... And just when you thought that this one step forward was taken and the gap between you would disappear you heard the door slam and you jumped away from each other.

"What the fuck Eddie?!" It was Chrissy. "An hour ago you were fucking me in the bathroom and now you're kissing her in the garden? What is wrong with you?!"  Her words were like a powerful punch in the stomach. Confused, you started to get up from the ground looking between the two of them. Eddie got up right behind you.

"She's lying, I haven't had a single word with her all evening! You have to trust me!" he began to explain. He couldn't believe what was happening.

"You asshole!" She walked towards him, and slapped him in the face. He looked at her in disbelief while holding his sore cheek. How far could she go to destroy him?

"I- I need a minute." You said and quickly went back to the house. 

"What the hell was that?" he shouted. His nerves were racing, he was unable to stay calm in this situation. Once again, he had lost you. Once again because of her. 

"I didn't say a word to you all evening! Why did you lie, why did you do it?!" He didn't care that someone might hear him. 

"I told you that you would regret it." she said looking at his desperate face with a victorious smile on her lips. 

"You fucking-" 

"Go away Chrissy." Steve's voice suddenly reached them. She just shrugged her shoulders and went back inside slamming the door behind her. 

"I didn't do it! damn it I've been avoiding her like hell all evening! I didn't do anything, you have to believe me!" Panicky he couldn't control the storm that was building up inside him. "Fuck!" he yelled, hitting the wall of the house with his fist. The pain in his hand was still nothing.

"I know!" Steve shouted back. "I heard everything, when y/n ran out she didn't close the door behind her, I know you didn't do anything!" 

"But she doesn't know that! She won't believe me again, and it was so close, for a second I thought that maybe... that maybe it can still be fixed." He slumped against the wall burying his face in his hands. He didn't care about anything anymore. He crumbled into pieces that could not be picked up. 

"But she'll find out, I'll tell her, I'm on your side Eddie." Steve crouched in front of him putting a hand on his shoulder wanting to give him comfort.

"How many times do I have to watch her slipping through my fingers, Steve?" he cried. "How many ficking times? I can't stand it anymore. I love her. I love her, and watching her walk away every time kills me. I can't stand it anymore!" If anyone had told him that he would ever cry his heart out in front of King Steve he would have laughed at him. He would have said that he would rather die than let someone like Steve see his tears. It seemed even crazier that King Steve would comfort him. But here they were. In a situation no one would ever believe.

"Try to calm down okay? And wait here. Just wait." Harrington quickly got up and rushed toward the door. 

You and Robin were standing by the car.

"Thank God you're here." Robin said as he ran up to you. 

"She lied. You have to go back there, nothing happened between him and Chrissy, I heard everything, I heard her admitting it." he said on one exhale. 

"But..." you started.

"Go!" Robin didn't let you finish your sentence. "Just go there!" 

You immediately ran into the garden looking everywhere. It was empty. You entered the house and searched every possible room, unfortunately without success. Once again, he disappeared. 

He was right. What he felt when Chrissy first broke his heart was nothing compared to how he felt now. Everything was once again falling into ruins. It crushed him to the ground and he no longer had the strength to even try to stand up. There was no point in trying to fight the merciless waves. He resigned himself to it and let the water slowly flood his lungs as he slowly and calmly sank to the bottom, where he thought his place was.  He didn't leave his room for the next two days, unless necessary. Eating, listening to music and sleeping. These three activities were repeated over and over again, feeling pure hate for himself. He completely didn't expect what happened on the third day.

Wayne was just getting ready to leave for work when he heard a knock on the door. Surprised, he stared at the skinny girl standing on the stairs with an awkward smile. 

"Can I help you?" he tried to recall all of Eddie's friends but couldn't recall a freckled face anywhere. A thought flashed through his head whether it was Chrissy. He was even more surprised when behind her back he saw an insanely expensive BMW belonging to Harrington. 

"Good evening Sir! My name is Robin, I'm a y/n's friend." she explained seeing his still puzzled expression. The old man was relieved to hear that it wasn't Chrissy. 

"What's wrong?" 

"Could you please give this to Eddie?" she said pulling a walkman and cassette from her bag.  Wayne just sighed moving his gaze from the object to the car. How much longer will you avoid the conversation? Should he really interject? He slowly found it hard to stand seeing his nephew in such a mess anymore. "Is she here?" he finally asked. 

"Y-yeah, in the car." 

"Can I talk to her?" 

"I guess." 

The man put on his shoes and with a slow step he and Robin approached the car. At the mere sight of Wayne you felt your palms sweating from nerves. Was he here to tell you to stay away from Eddie?

"Nice to see you." he said, smiling slightly as you got out of the car. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here and sent Robin, it was stupid..." you said feeling increasingly embarrassed by your idea.

"You're right, sending your friend was not a good idea." he nodded causing you to feel even worse. "But it's good that you are here." Your surprised look made him chuckle. "Listen kid, whatever happened between you two...I know it's hard, but seriously I think whatever is on that tape he should get it from you."

"He doesn't want to see me." you said quietly staring at the ground.

"Did he tell you that?" 

"No, but-" 

"No buts. If he didn't tell you that you should at least try. Come on. Your friends can wait in the living room." 

"No, we'll wait in the car." Robin said quickly. "Go." She handed you a walkman and the tape. 

With small steps you followed Wayne to the trailer feeling the bundle of nerves in your stomach clench much tighter the closer you got. When Wayne knocked on the door of Eddie's room you felt like you were going to faint.

"You have a guest, son." he said. 

"Tell them I'm not here." Eddie muttered into the pillow lying with his back toward the door. 

"Come on kid, at least see who came." Wayne was adamant. 

"I don't feel like talking to ANYONE," he replied annoyed. "Whoever it is and whatever they want must wait." He covered himself with a blanket. 

"She can't wait and she won't wait." He did not let up on his nephew's childish behavior. "I'm letting her into your room right now." 

Before Eddie had time to react in any way you stepped uncertainly into the room and Wayne closed the door behind you. Nothing had changed since the last time you were here. You turned your attention to the small framed photo that stood on the nightstand next to his bed, at the sight of it you felt a sting in your heart. You were so happy then, and now you felt even desperate to get that happiness back.

Your breathing became more and more uneven and loud. You clenched your hands around the objects in them until your knuckles turned white. 

"Eddie." Your voice was tiny, shaking with insecurity and despair. 

You were the last person he expected to be here. With a quick movement, he pulled the blanket off himself and sat down on the bed, turning so that he was facing you. "What are you doing here?" he asked. You couldn't figure out what was hiding behind the tone of his voice. 

"I'm sorry." you replied. "I wanted to give you something, I know you don't want to see me anymore, but I thought you might want to listen." You stretched your shaking hands out in front of you.

He took the tape from you, which he immediately put into the walkman looking at you with questioning eyes. "I'm not supposed to be here...but your uncle convinced me that I should tell you this in person. Maybe even tell you straight to your eyes everything what's on the tape..." the lump in your throat grew. "Or maybe I should go now, sorry. You don't have to listen to it if you don't want to, you can just throw it out right away." You turned toward the door.

"Stay." You couldn't read any emotion in his voice, it scared you. "Please." His big dark eyes rested on you with a pleading gaze. 

He put on the headphones yet did not dare to click play. He had no idea what to expect there, and from your behavior all he could infer was that you were nervous. Preparing himself mentally for the next punch, he took a deep breath and looked in your direction. You stood against the wall without taking your eyes off him. For the first time in his life he saw you so unsure of yourself, nervously plucking the cuticles around your nails as you shifted your weight from one leg to the other. "Wanna sit down?" he asked. You slowly walked over to the bed and sat on the edge of it and began nervously shaking your leg. You always did that when you were nervous, he wanted to put his hand on your knee as he used to do at such moments but this time he had to restrain himself. He still didn't know what he was about to hear. Finally, he pressed the button. 

"Eddie, first of all I'd like to apologize for doing it this way, but I don't know if we'll ever have a chance to talk again, and I still have some things to say. Every time I try to make this move you disappear, so this time I ask you to listen, before you go." He stared blankly at the carpet. "You hurt me. But I also failed you, I failed you as a friend because I never noticed what was happening to you, the fact that you could barely handle yourself. I want to apologize to you for that. I hope you can forgive me someday." He pressed his lips into a thin line and closed his eyes. Once again, he felt himself falling apart, but he wanted to hold back the tears. "Our situation is difficult. But after these weeks, I know that I can't stand it when you are not in my life. I can't explain it, I don't understand myself, I don't know what do I want, I feel insane, but one thing I am sure of..." there was a long pause in the recording. "I love you, too. I should have answered you right away, but I would never have expected to hear them from your mouth. I believe that everything is over between you and Chrissy, I'm ready to believe you will never hurt me like that again, and I'm ready to fight to rebuild the happiness we had. Of course, if you want it too. I believe that the two of us can do it. Now, if you haven't had enough of listening to me, this is not the end of my message, thank you for getting to this point." Then the first sounds of the piano sounded. 

You were the raging storm that wrecked A beautiful mind I can't forget Knew from the moment that we met I'd take you home But now that the future's so unclear Have all of your feelings disappeared? 'Cause I'm in no kind of frame of mind to let you go

Hope, have you some that I can borrow? 'Cause I've been so low And the weight of all the world's a heavy load Keep me going 'til tomorrow 'Cause I just don't know If I can face another day alone

Well, my lungs don't breathe And my heart don't beat And I can't believe in any kind of life without you here And I can't move on 'Cause it feels so wrong No, I just don't want any kind of life without you, dear

Are there any words that I could say? I'm feeling our moment fade away In a matter of hours, we'll be drowning in the waves And all of the memories that we shaped We're leaving behind here in my wake If we can save the good we gave, we shouldn't wait

Hope, have you some that I can borrow? 'Cause I just don't know If I can face another day alone

Well, my lungs don't breathe And my heart don't beat And I can't believe in any kind of life without you here And I can't move on 'Cause it feels so wrong No, I just don't want any kind of life without you, dear

Now you're not here, I can't explain The carousel of my constant pain I'm not sure that I can hold on anymore Became a victim of circumstance Should have said when I had the chance I don't want any kind of life without you here

"I still want you in my life Eddie. I need you, so if you only want to, if you only let me...Maybe we can put it all together." 

Silence. A painful silence fell between the two of you. Somewhere in the middle of the recording, Eddie hid his face in his hands and hasn't changed position since. Only after a while you noticed the slight movement of his shoulders and heard the quiet sniffles of his nose. 

"Eddie, don't cry please." you said, unable to control your tears yourself. Did you just make everything worse? Not being able to bear it, you got up quickly and walked over to him, and then you knelt down in front of him placing your hand on his knee.

"I am so sorry, Eddie, please." 

He wiped his face with the sleeve of the sweatshirt he was wearing and looked at you. Your eyes glistened with tears making them look even more beautiful. 

"W-what if I hurt you again?" he asked between breaths. 

"And what if I let you down or hurt you once again?" you replied wiping your tears with the top of your hand. "I've been thinking about it for days without stopping, the risk is huge, but it's worth everything that could be between us." you grasped his hand firmly. "We will still make many mistakes, but we can always learn to deal with them. Together." 

Within seconds he was beside you on the floor taking you in his arms. Without thinking much you embraced him cuddling your face into his neck. "I love you." you said. He felt his neck get wet with your tears.  "I love you too, so damn much." he replied squeezing you even tighter. You were now forming one big crying mess, but you didn't mind. The security and comfort the two of you now found in each other's arms was worth every tear. "I'll do my best to fix it, I promise." he muttered into your hair then kissed the top of your head. "Together." 

Although the road home seemed unimaginably long, your paths merged into one again. The one that would take you together to the end of the world and one step further. 

taglist: @i-me-mine @phantypurple @chrissymjstan @sidthedollface2 @bakugouswh0r3 @tlclick73 @aysheashea @1paire2vans @mmunson86 @emma77645 @obsessivelycraftygothfandomwitch

[wokeuplaughing]

something I've been having a little bit of trouble with regarding transitioning is the fact that I have known that I am a man since I was around 11 and knew that same year that the only way to achieve what I wanted was through medical transition but, only now at age 20, am I actually medically transitioning. I went through middle school and high school being seen as a girl who wanted to be seen as a boy but to me it was never about being a boy it was about being a Man. the length of my adolescence was spent pining for something I am currently achieving. now that I have it, I am experiencing this disparity between who I am becoming and who I was.

my gender was always seen as something I'd grow out of. for years my aunt insisted upon waiting until I was 30 to transition, my father, more lenient in this sense, suggested I transition after college, and my much older step sister, who I had very few conversations with, doubted my identity entirely because I wasn't like the trans men she had met before, so with her psych background she deemed it a phase. my identity had been denied as much as it was repressed. I didn't ever spend time doing anything too traditionally masculine or feminine during my adolescence because it felt like a landmine of decisions. if I messed up the performance in any way the neutrality and androgyny would fade away and everyone would see what was so clear to them and not me: that I was failing at being a man because I never was transgender to begin with.

and of course my family was profoundly wrong.

with all the great effects of testosterone (I love my voice, my masculinized hips, my broader shoulders, the body hair, it all is so great) I wonder where all this ease came from. I have this grand confidence I have never known while I am passing. I get called sir and strangers approach me differently. the face I see in the mirror is beginning to belong to me. this is where the disparity is. I am still in this rough point where people sometimes see a woman or a man and I am distinctly aware of how I can manipulate my appearance to fit those standards. I fell into an androgynous form and I feel as though I've missed a few steps. I never had that awkward teenager phase, even if my voice does still crack and spike. but why don't I feel like that phase is applicable?

the closest conclusion I have came to is that I was a teenaged boy that wanted to be a man in a teenaged girl's body for years. I never saw myself as a boy because what I was experiencing wasn't boyhood, I fully intended to be a man. and now, here as I am, 4 1/2 months into testosterone and passing more with every passing day, I realize only now that testosterone marked the end of that adolescence that I thought had been over. the teenager that had been so repressed in becoming a man is finally there.

[swmmi-kti]

Lay Me Down For One Last Time

Sanemi Shinazugawa X Fem reader

TW: Angst, Sanemi doesnt live fellow queens sorry

Dni/Dnf

You had known since you had met Sanemi That he was doomed to die eventually. As tragic as it seemed and how he explained all he did you never fully could fathom believing it. You Were a former kakushi and truly you had never thought you'd ever come close to being near a hashira. And yet....

Yet both of you lost a lot and gained so much. A Family and the loss of loved ones. You could remember it clear as day. Coming in with the rest of everyone to say goodbye to your life that you had grown to enjoy. Shedding the face covering as you stare at the pile of clothes , Staring intensely that it caught attention.

"Thinking" A gruff and almost horse voice says and it makes you startle as you turn. White hair and bandages. all you could see beside the dark contrast of purple eyes staring deep into your soul.

"oh...yeah haha...i guess i just never thought id live to i guess live the day i never have to work as a kakushi...gosh does that makes sense" You say rubbing your neck as your hair clings to your forehead covered in sweat from the heat

"ah yes. I never thought i'd actually live to see the day that we defeat Muzan" He says in that same almost pained voice as he tries to sit down beside you. You hear the tell signs of bones aching and look at him a bit surprised he's even sitting next to you

"Guess life is funny like that huh?"

You could not recall ever stopping the chatter with him. From that day onward it was like a comfort routine to hold onto a sense of normalcy. To see him recover to know all he's done. In a way to be acknowledged for all you did on the sidelines.

You could never deny your admiration for the Hashira, Truly you were saddened by the fact only three Pillars had survived, yet two doomed to die so young.

When you fell for Sanemi you could never recall. Especially how he had seemed to have mellowed out over the time he had to relax How his tired eyes still crinkle when he smiles. Perhaps is how every moment he gets he takes time to say the names of every fallen loved one he lost.

Genya, You had heard that name countless of times. How he got the tiniest bit of tears in his waterline as he spaced out. Those moments were bad. Often holding his hand to ground him, letting him have the time he needs to come back from the shell shock he had undergone for years. possibly even more.

You remember how he held your hand in those moments squeezing tight enough to hurt but always kissing your knuckles when they ended up hurt by his big hand.

How he let his cheek rest on the back of your hand. How he wished soft 'sorry's

Oh how your heart yearned for his.

"Before Miss Amane had... well She had warned if I made my Mark appear my life would be shortened significantly"

You nod at him as you lean just a bit closer to him "how old would you be?"

He remains quiet far too long for your own comfort "I love you" He says almost like a whisper.

You can feel the wind around you picking up. Sanemi saw the twinkle of your eyes as you let out just a small gasp but not too startled as you lean closer to him

You knew then what he meant....not long at all

"I Mean it Y/n. I Truly to love you, I Guess i never saw myself having anything to my life but fighting demons, Now that i dont have to worry about life and death i want more." He says looking at you and you let yourself be sweet talked. He made your heart swell with adoration

You can feel his hand on your cheek as you rest gently on it. sighing as you look at him to continue

"I realize i want a wife. I want someone by my remaining side. Even have a kid if i can. I know i wasted my time here constantly fighting every day and never thinking of anything else but.."

"Dont ever say you wasted your time here Sanemi! You fought for the betterment of mankind and for that you must never say you wasted it!" Your voice is hard, much line a mother scolding her kid

"oh how my heart yearns for you And I have never loved anyone else but Gods do I love you...I love you. Need you so badly and want you so desperately it makes me furious you aren't mine. I want you there during my mornings and there on my painful nights. Lay me down my tomb so long as it's your soft hands doing so"

You remember the first kiss. the feeling of his lips on yours. When he held your face so softly it made your heart flutter even more, recall the way his hands grace your hair and you cant help but feel your heart flutter even now thinking about it.

The simplicity of love is so magical and so delicate, Thinking about it all makes you forget the impending feeling of sorrow that has followed you for the last year.

And Why should you? Why does it follow you. You've just had your first born no less than four months ago now, his little fingers curled around his father's large index finger too. Tiny thumb being sucked as Sanemi looks at you.

"Sanemi, i believe our Efforts have paid off" You say as your hands find your plate to sit down and eat next to your husband

Remembering the love he has for you as you sit and wait for him to raise his head "What efforts?"

"Well You know Having a kid and such" You try to play off. as you take your chopsticks in hand to eat, hearing the tell tale signs of choking and wood splintering

You try to stifle a laugh as you see him recover almost splashing his face with the water he downs as he turns to you with eyes as large as disks " Are you? Are you implying?"

"oh i'm not implying my dear, i'm telling you a fact here we will have a small little one in a few months time if everything goes to plan of course" You reply as you can feel his arms wrap around your waist. ignoring the rest of his meal as he lays on your lap and brings an ear onto your stomach

Your hand raking his hair as you hum while you eat. It seemed that finally you will have more to Sanemi than himself. and for once you couldn't wait.

But that was then and this is now. You knew about the curse, you knew about it and the world is so cruel. Not only to know you will lose Sanemi. But To have made it near impossible to conceive for two years and finally when you do it leaves only a few months for Sanemi to be a father.

Only so long for your child to be held in his father's embrace. So little time so cruel. It Made you cry at night when you slept close to them. When you say Sanemi's hand reach out to your child's tiny hand, when Sanemi kept his hand on his tiny chest to ensure he is breathing.

You cry because you know your child will never know Sanemi and Sanemi will only get to enjoy the toddler phase. Only get to enjoy the tiny moments and never get to experience him growing. Never see him walk, talk lose his first tooth.

The Day draws closer and you are so afraid of it ever approaching, and yet you try to enjoy it.

Try to enjoy the Remaining days as you see Sanemi blow raspberries into his tiny tummy, Watching Sanemi change his clothes and nappies and fed him when he could.

You knew why and it hurt your heart so, Constantly holding to him and you watch intently and try to gain as much affection from him as you possibly could.

From morning to night you watched as Sanemi enjoyed your little tot

And until you lay down your babe you lay your head on his shoulder "....are you scared?"

He stays quiet as his finger traces your son's chubby cheeks. "No, i enjoyed my time here, i served a good life, have an amazing wife and a child"

You nod as you hold his hand "you'll wait for me on the other side right?" asking carefully as you look at him

"You never even have to ask. For you i will wait forever and a day should you want to keep me waiting haha" Seeing him laugh as he looks at you makes you realize You really did have the nicest Husband in all the world.

"You know.... it's unfair our little Genya won't even know you" You say as you lay next to him as your hand remains on his chest. He chuckles as he looks at the ceiling before back to you

"I guess Both my Genya's never had the greatest Sanemi huh?"

"I wouldn't say that" You laugh as you kiss his forehead. Watching his eyes close and begin to sleep. Your hand remains on his chest and you watch intensely as the time ticks by

Each breath is slower than the last, and you gulp down the lump on your throat as you feel the half of your heart leave. The Half you will never have again.

Sanemi Shinazugawa was a great swordsman. A Great honorable man, A Great brother A great husband an Amazing Father...But Most importantly he is a great story

[ilbenmalpensanteus]

These are songs that inspire most of my sasunarusasu feeelings’:

- Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol:

Sasuke and Naruto

We'll do it all / Everything / On our own. / We don't need / Anything / Or anyone. / If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world? / I don't quite know / How to say / How I feel. / Those three words / Are said too much. / They're not enough. / If I lay here / If I just lay here / Would you lie with me and just forget the world? / Forget what we're told / Before we get too old / Show me a garden that's bursting into life. / Let's waste time / Chasing cars / Around our heads. / I need your grace / To remind me / To find my own. // Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see. / I don't know where. / Confused about how as well / Just know that these things will never change for us at all.

- Before You Go, Lewis Capaldi:

From Naruto to Sasuke

I fell by the wayside like everyone else. / I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, but I was just kidding myself. / Our every moment, I start to replace / 'Cause now that they're gone, all I hear are the words that I needed to say. / When you hurt under the surface, / Like troubled water running cold. / Well, time can heal, but this won't. / So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make your heart beat better? / If only I'd have known you had a storm to weather. / So, before you go, was there something I could've said to make it all stop hurting? / It kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless. / So, before you go / Was never the right time, whenever you called / Went little by little by little until there was nothing at all. / Our every moment, I start to replay / But all I can think about is seeing that look on your face // So, before you go / Would we be better off by now / If I'd have let my walls come down? / Maybe, I guess we'll never know. / You know, you know.

- Stay, Rihanna:

From Naruto to Sasuke

All along it was a fever / A cold sweat, hot headed believer. / I threw my hands in the air, said, "Show me something". / He said, "If you dare, come a little closer". / 'Round and around and around and around we go. / Oh, now tell me now, tell me now, tell me now you know / Not really sure how to feel about it / Something in the way you move / Makes me feel like I can't live without you. / It takes me all the way. / I want you to stay. / It's not much of a life you're living. / It's not just something you take, it's given. // Ooh, the reason I hold on / Ooh, 'cause I need this hole gone. / Well, funny you're the broken one / But I'm the only one who needed saving / 'Cause when you never see the light / It's hard to know which one of us is caving.

- Far Away, Nickelback:

From Naruto to Sasuke

This time, this place / Misused, mistakes. / Too long, too late. / Who was I to make you wait? / Just one chance, just one breath / Just in case there's just one left. // 'Cause you know, you know, you know / That I love you, / I have loved you all along. / And I miss you / Been far away, for far too long. / I keep dreaming you'll be with me / And you'll never go. / Stop breathing if I don't see you anymore. / On my knees, I'll ask / Last chance for one last dance / 'Cause with you; I'd withstand / All of hell to hold your hand. / I'd give it all; I'd give for us / Give anything, but I won't give up / 'Cause you know, you know, you know / That I love you. / I have loved you all along / And I miss you, / Been far away, for far too long. / I keep dreaming you'll be with me / And you'll never go. // I need to hear you say / That I love you (That I love you) / I have loved you all along / And I forgive you (And I forgive you) / For being away, for far too long. / So keep breathing / 'Cause I'm not leaving you anymore. / Believe it. / Hold on to me and never let me go.

- The Reason, Hoobastank:

From Sasuke to Naruto

I'm not a perfect person. / There's many things I wish I didn't do / But I continue learning. / I never meant to do those things to you. / And so, I have to say before I go / That I just want you to know / I've found a reason for me / To change who I used to be. / A reason to start over new / And the reason is you. / I'm sorry that I hurt you. / It's something I must live with everyday. / And all the pain I put you through / I wish that I could take it all away / And be the one who catches all your tears. / That's why I need you to hear / I've found a reason for me / To change who I used to be. / A reason to start over new / And the reason is you.

- Il regalo più grande, Tiziano Ferro:

Sasuke and Naruto

// Vorrei donare il tuo sorriso alla luna perché / Di notte chi la guarda possa pensare a te. / Per ricordarti che il mio amore è importante, / Che non importa ciò che dice la gente perchè / Tu mi hai protetto con la tua gelosia che anche / Che molto stanco il tuo sorriso non andava via. / Devo partire però se ho nel cuore / La tua presenza è sempre arrivo / E mai partenza / Regalo mio più grande. // Vorrei mi facessi un regalo, / Un sogno inespresso, / Donarmelo adesso / Di quelli che non so aprire / Di fronte ad altra gente / Perché il regalo più grande / È solo nostro per sempre. // E se arrivasse ora la fine / Che sia in un burrone / Non per volermi odiare / Solo per voler volare. / E se ti nega tutto quest'estrema agonia, / E se ti nega anche la vita respira la mia. / E stavo attento a non amare prima di incontrarti / E confondevo la mia vita con quella degli altri. / Non voglio farmi più del male adesso / Amore… // E poi… / Amore dato, amore preso, amore mai reso / Amore grande come il tempo che non si è arreso / Amore che mi parla coi tuoi occhi qui di fronte / Sei tu //.

- Arcade, Duncan Laurence:

From Sasuke to Naruto

A broken heart is all that's left / I'm still fixing all the cracks. / Lost a couple of pieces when / I carried it, carried it, carried it home. / I'm afraid of all I am. / My mind feels like a foreign land, / Silence ringing inside my head. / Please carry me, carry me, carry me home. / I've spent all of the love I saved. / We were always a losing game. / Small town boy in a big arcade, / I got addicted to a losing game. // All I know, all I know / Loving you is a losing game. / Do you love me, love me not? // I don't need your games, game over / Get me off this rollercoaster.

- Another Love, Tom Odell:

From Sasuke to Sakura/Naruto to Hinata

// I wanna cry and I wanna love / But all my tears have been used up / On another love, another love. / All my tears have been used up / On another love, another love. // And if somebody hurts you, I wanna fight / But my hand's been broken one too many times / So I'll use my voice, I'll be so fucking rude / Words, they always win, but I know I'll lose. / And I'd sing a song that'd be just ours / But I sang 'em all to another heart / And I wanna cry, I wanna learn to love / But all my tears have been used up / On another love, another love //.

- Only Love Can Hurt Like This, Paloma Faith:

Naruto and Sasuke

I tell myself you don't mean a thing / And what we got, got no hold on me, / But when you're not there, I just crumble. / I tell myself I don't care that much, / But I feel like I die 'til I feel your touch. / Only love, only love can hurt like this // Must've been a deadly kiss. // Say I wouldn't care if you walked away / But every time you're there, I'm beggin' you to stay / And when you come close (when you come close), I just tremble. / And every time, every time you go / It's like a knife that cuts right to my soul. / Only love, only love can hurt like this // Your kisses burn into my skin. // But it's the sweetest pain, / Burnin' hot through my veins. / Love is torture, makes me more sure. // 'Cause only love can hurt like this / And it must've been a deadly kiss.

- Fix You, Coldplay:

From Naruto to Sasuke

When you try your best, but you don't succeed / When you get what you want, but not what you need / When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep / Stuck in reverse / And the tears come streaming down your face. / When you lose something you can't replace. / When you love someone, but it goes to waste / Could it be worse? / Lights will guide you home / And ignite your bones / And I will try to fix you. / And high up above, or down below / When you're too in love to let it go. / But if you never try, you'll never know / Just what you're worth. // When you lose something you cannot replace //.

- The Loneliest, Maneskin:

Sasuke and Naruto

You'll be the saddest part of me / A part of me that will never be mine / It's obvious. / Tonight is gonna be the loneliest. / You're still the oxygen I breathe, / I see your face when I close my eyes / It's torturous. Tonight is gonna be the loneliest. / There's a few lines that I have wrote. / In case of death, that's what I want, that's what I want, / So don't be sad when I'll be gone. / There's just one thing I hope you know, I loved you so. / ‘Cause I don't even care about the time I've got left here / The only thing I know now is that I wanna spend it / With you, with you nobody else here. // I'm sorry but I gotta go / If you'll ever miss me give this song another go / And I just keep on thinking how you made me feel better / And all the crazy little things that we did together / In the end, in the end, it doesn't matter //.

- Bruises, Lewis Capaldi:

From Naruto to Sasuke

// And every breath that I've been takin'. / Since you left feels like a waste on me. / I've been holding on to hope / That you'll come back when you can find some peace. / 'Cause every word that I've heard spoken / Since you left feels like a hollow street. / I've been told, I've been told to get you off my mind, / But I hope I never lose the bruises that you left behind. / Oh my Lord, oh my Lord, I need you by my side. / There must be something in the water. / ‘Cause every day, it's getting colder, / And if only I could hold you, / You'd keep my head from going under. / Maybe I, maybe I'm just being blinded / By the brighter side / Of what we had because it's over. / Well, there must be something in the tide. // It's your love I'm lost in, / Your love I'm lost in, / And I'm tired of being so exhausted. // Even though I'm nothing to you now //.

- Iris, Goo Goo Dolls:t

Naruto and Sasuke

And I'd give up forever to touch you / ‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow. / You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be. / And I don't want to go home right now, / And all I can taste is this moment, / And all I can breathe is your life / And sooner or later, it's over. I just don't wanna miss you tonight / And I don't want the world to see me / 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand / When everything's made to be broken. / I just want you to know who I am / And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming / Or the moment of truth in your lies / When everything feels like the movies. / Yeah, you bleed just to know, you're alive. // I just want you to know who I am.

- Creep, Radiohead:

Naruto and Sasuke

When you were here before / Couldn't look you in the eye. // I wish I was special, / You're so fuckin' special. / But I'm a creep, / I'm a weirdo. / What the hell am I doin' here? / I don't belong here, / I don't care if it hurts / I wanna have control / I want a perfect body / I want a perfect soul , / I want you to notice / When I'm not around. // She's running out the door (run) //.

- Wonderwall, Oasis:

From Sasuke to Naruto

Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you / And by now, you should've somehow realised what you gotta do. / I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now / And backbeat, the word is on the street that the fire in your heart is out. / I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt. / I don't believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now / And all the roads we have to walk are winding / And all the lights that lead us there are blinding. / There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how / Because maybe / You're gonna be the one that saves me / And after all / You're my wonderwall //.

- The Only Exception, Paramore:

From Sasuke to Naruto

// Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul / That love never lasts / And we've got to find other ways to make it alone / Or keep a straight face / And I've always lived like this / Keeping a comfortable distance / And up until now I had sworn to myself / That I'm content with loneliness / Because none of it was ever worth the risk / But you are the only exception / You are the only exception. // I've got a tight grip on reality / But I can't let go of what's in front of me here //.

- Against All Odds (Take a Look at Me Now), Phil Collins:

Naruto and Sasuke

How can I just let you walk away? / Just let you leave without a trace / When I stand here taking every breath, with you, ooh / You're the only one who really knew me at all / How can you just walk away from me? / When all I can do is watch you leave / 'Cos we've shared the laughter and the pain and even shared the tears. / You're the only one who really knew me at all. / So take a look at me now, oh there's just an empty space / And there's nothin' left here to remind me, / Just the memory of your face. / Ooh, take a look at me now, well there's just an empty space, / And you coming back to me is against the odds / And that's what I've got to face. / I wish, I could just make you turn around, / Turn around and see me cry. / There's so much I need to say to you so many reasons why. / You're the only one who really knew me at all. // Take a good look at me now, 'cos I'll still be standin' here/ And you coming back to me is against all odds. / It's the chance I've gotta take.

- Take Your Time, Sam Hunt:

From Naruto to Sasuke

I don't know if you were looking at me or not // 'Cause everybody in here knows your name / And you're not looking for anything right now. // Your eyes are so intimidating, / My heart is pounding but, / It's just a conversation. // You don't know me, / I don't know you but I want to, / And I don't wanna steal your freedom, / I don't wanna change your mind, / I don't have to make you love me, / I just want to take your time. // You coulda rolled your eyes, / Told me to go to hell, / Coulda walked away / But you're still here / And I'm still here. / Come on let's see where it goes. // I just wanna be alone with you //.

- Somewhere Only We Know, Keane:

Naruto, Sasuke and their blank space

And if you have a minute, why don't we go / Talk about it somewhere only we know? / This could be the end of everything. / So, why don't we go / Somewhere only we know? //.

- Potremmo Ritornare, Tiziano Ferro:

Naruto and Sasuke

// Ogni preghiera è una promessa a Dio / Che non ho mai dimenticato /La mia preghiera non raggiunse poi / O almeno ancora la strada che avrei sperato // Perdonare presuppone odiarti / E se dicessi che non so il perché dovrei mentirti / E tu lo sai che io con le bugie / Eh, mi manchi veramente troppo, troppo, troppo, ancora // Ho passato tutto il giorno a ricordarti // Tanto lo so che con nessuno avrai più riso e pianto come con me // Quindi perché mi scanso invece di scontrarti? / E tu perché mi guardi se puoi reclamarmi? //

If you are thinking about suggestions, I am looking forward to hearing from you!! ✨✨

[some-pers0n]

I wrote some Hawthorn stuff because I love this character and miss him a lot. Yet again just a re-write of that one scene of him in TPJ. No big format or anything. Just writing. No real CWs either. Not even a go around with Grammarly. Just silly Hawthorn.

"Here, tea." Hawthorn set a platter full of cups on the table. "Well, drink up! It's so rare I have visitors. Not to knock the snakes and occasional big cat though. They're great company, just not...you. It's lovely seeing real dragons every now and then."

Sundew took her cup and sniffed it. It smelt old and musty. Dark spots at the bottom gave her the impression that he never washed it.

"What do you mean by 'real' dragons-" Cricket began, only to be cut off by him.

"I was just about to point you out, HiveWing," he said. "I would never have expected one of you to be in the jungle. Does this mean the war is over? Can I go back?"

"The war?" Nettle scoffed. "Ha, you must be out of your mind if you even thought that was an option."

"Well, then I suppose I'm mad then," he chuckled, keeping eye contact with Nettle the entire time. "Ah, I jest. Though, I am a optimist at heart." He turned back to Cricket. "So what does that make you? A traitor? Clearsight above, your tribe must hate you now." He giggled lightly.

"They- er... I wouldn't say they hate me. Most of them don't; at least that's what I hope. It's Wasp that makes them feel that way-

"Ah, Wasp. Nothing new with her it seems."

"-but I'm definitely not a traitor, let's make that clear. I only want to help my tribe. Even if they've done a lot of bad things, I know it was Wasp that was behind most of it. Most."

"Ah, know that feeling." He waved his talons. Without warning, he got up and started shuffling through his cabinets. "Keep talking, keep talking. If I had known there would've been so many dragons coming over I would've prepared some more. Deeply sorry about that." Clattering and clashing came from the cupboards. More than once a cup fell out, only for him to catch it with reflexes oddly fast for an old dragon.

"It's okay," Willow said politely. "We aren't staying here for long."

"What? Why?" Hawthorn pulled his head out, his expression shifted into a frown. "No, no. You all just got here! Come, enjoy yourselves. It must have been terrible coming all the way out here. I mean, it explains why Queen Sequoia never pays a visit. Or answers my letters. Oh! That reminds me, I'd love it if one of you could take these to her." He reached into another dresser, pulling out a thick stack of papers. "Fifty years worth of writing. Some of it research. Most of it...well, let's say it's between the queen and I-"

"Is this poetry?" Nettle snorted picking one up.

"Not for your eyes!" He snapped it out of his talons, hissing with a ferociousness that Sundew didn't expect from him. He paused for a second before then relaxing, his snarl molding into a toothy grin. "Ah, my bad. A host shouldn't treat their guests like that, hah..."

"We really should get going though-"

"No! I insist. Come, come! It's not as though I'm going to bite you." His smile was too wide to look natural. "So, tell me what's going on in the outside world."

[shrinkthisviolet]

Talk Shop Tuesday - so 'main gehra tamas tu sunehra savera (main tera)' is one of the best and most heartbreaking ATLA fics I've ever read, and I'd love to know how you wrote it and what advice you have for anyone who wants to do a fusion fic like that, because the way you combined the two was excellent.

Ahhh thank you, I’m so glad you liked it! To be honest, I wrote it because when I was watching the Hasan x Aisha episode of Ms. Marvel (the flashback one), I kept thinking “wow this would be a really cool Maiko AU”, and then I told one of my friends that, and she basically went “👀👀” because of course she did, she’s my top enabler 😂

So from there, it was just a matter of figuring out the logistics. I’ve had a bunch of fusion crossover ideas (and this isn’t even the first fusion fic I’ve written for Maiko), but logistics are definitely the tricky part…though here, it wasn’t altogether difficult.

Here’s the link to the fic for those who don’t know it! More discussion about it (+ advice about fusion fics) under the cut:

It meant ATLA canon divergence, obviously, because canon Maiko wouldn’t jive with this - they’ve known each other since they were small kids. So, in this version, I decided they never did. Mai met Azula and Ty Lee after Zuko’s banishment, and they were friends. Three years pass Ty Lee runs off to join the circus, and Ozai pushes for Azula to be declared Crown Princess a year early on her upcoming 15th birthday, since Zuko is of age to be Crown Prince but not around to actually be declared so.

Ofc the Sages are reluctant, since Zuko is only missing and not dead, so Azula convinces Mai to go out and find Zuko and bring him back to be executed.

(And also, btw, in this fic, Zuko isn’t involved in any of the Avatar business. He just kinda went off and made a quiet life for himself somewhere else. Maybe Iroh was with him at one point, but…he isn’t anymore, because that didn’t fit the framing of this fic.)

And that, in essence, lays the groundwork. This enables Mai and Zuko to meet much like Hasan and Aisha did, on a distant farmhouse where they then fall in love. The rest of it kinda fell into place after that…though ofc with the addition of Izumi.

And ofc Aisha’s “magic” became Zuko’s rainbow fire here - presumably he learned the proper way to firebend during his years away, and his firebending can change color at will now.

Honestly, my advice for fusion fics is this: I haven’t written all my fusion fic ideas, because some of them just don’t get to the writing stage, but for the ones that do, the logistics fell into place because I went “okay, I clearly need to change canon, but what do I have to change and what can I keep?” Be open to possibly having to throw out chunks of canon that you might’ve liked, to make it fit in a fusion…but if it doesn’t work, then don’t force it. Most people won’t get too hung up on the little details, but you’re the writer - if you’re not satisfied with it, then that’ll show in the fic. It’s okay if an idea doesn’t work…and maybe it will later, you never know! Just give it time, and be patient with it. Fusion fics tend to be tricky beasts, but they’re incredibly satisfying to get right. More power to anyone who has written a fusion fic (or multiple), I salute you. It’s not easy.

Oh also…suggestion: don’t expect them to be popular 😂 even if you’re combining two very popular fandoms, it’s not always a guarantee that people will like it, because crossovers aren’t always popular (Arrowverse shows being the exception, because tbh they’re all one big fandom). This one WAS fairly popular, much to my pleasant surprise—it’s still one of my most popular fics—but my other fusion fic wasn’t so much. And that’s fine—I had fun writing it, and the person I wrote it for loved it, and that’s all I needed. If even a few people are happy with my fic and touched by it, and it makes me happy, that’s worth it 💞

talk shop tuesday!