#i never use it bc its very polish and i tend to talk in english here

[lottieurl]

who wants to know what my dog's name is

[flying-elliska]

salut ellie! someone once asked you about your writing and you recommended falling in love with language and finding ways of writing you love. i was wondering, what books and/or writing styles are you in love with? it's just so interesting to know what somehow had an impact on the way you're writing bc i honestly adore your style

wow do you remember that ? that is such a flattering question oh my god. well, i’m still working on it. some of my favorites are (i’m very eclectic lmao) : 

- His Dark Materials (it’s a fantasy book series ‘for kids’ but it’s actually insanely deep and philosophic) is pretty much the first book series that made me fall in love with stories, and made me want to write. I think I found it when I was 10, and it completely shaped me. It’s so ambitious and clever, it never talks down to the reader, brings up those amazing worlds and philosophical concepts and is still accessible to kids. Most of all it is so committed to atmosphere, to making it vivid, to really make you go through what the characters are. I’m thinking of it and I can remember exactly certain passages in an almost sensory way : the witch Serafina Pekkala describing what it feels like to feel the Aurora Borealis on her bare skin as she is flying through the arctic. The polar bear Iorek giving Lyra frozen moss to help bandage his wounds after a battle. The grilled poppy heads that the Jordan College scholars at Oxford eat during a meeting. The little Gallivespians on their dragonflies and the way the sun reflects off their poisonous spurs. That’s how you make a story stick ; that’s how you can put in deep stuff without ever making it boring. I am so excited they’re making a tv series because that shit deserves some recognition. And I mean the whole plot about the importance of stories, free will, the horror of religious fundamentalism....always relevant. Philip Pullman’s stuff is great in general, I love his Sally Lockhart series, which is more adult and adventure focused, and is a great deal of fun. And of course, the sequel to HDM he’s been putting out recently. 

- I spent a lot of my teen years reading either crime novels or historical novels. (When I think of some of the stuff I read when I was 13 I’m like oh my god what were my parents doing lmao some of that was really horrible.) And I think it gave me a good feeling for suspense and setting, and how important tension is. One of my all time faves is Andrea Japp. She is a French writer who does mostly crime, involving complex/monstrous woman characters and a very sensory, poetic approach to language, often involving food, plants and poisons. My favorite by her is the “Season of the Beast”/Agnès de Souarcy chronicles, which is a crime series set in medieval times, with a cool independent lady at its core, crimes in a monastery, and this very gloomy end of times vibe that I love. I also read a lot of Scandi Noir stuff, I love the kind of ...laconic approach to life. And again : vibe. Vibe is so important. And Sherlock Holmes stories. I love the Mary Russell series that take place in that universe and are basically a big Mary Sue self insert guilty pleasure but are just. So much fun. 

- I like poetry a lot - not stuff that is too wordy, but something short, sharp and vivid. i think reading poetry is essential to feeding your inner ‘metaphor culture’. I love Mary Oliver. Rimbaud, too, that I read at 17 and rocked my world. One of my underrated faves is  Hồ Xuân Hương, a Vietnamese poet from the 18th century who was adept at using nature metaphors to hide both erotic stuff, irreverent jokes, and political criticism, and correspond with all the great scholars of her time under a pseudonym. Badass.  Recently I bought ‘Soft Science’ by Franny Choi, which is about cyborgs, having a female body, emotions and politics and it’s absolutely brilliant. 

- I love reading fairy tales, too. Currently reading (i always read a lot of books at once lol) Angela Carter’s Book of Fairy Tales, basically fairy tales for grown ups, collected from folklore all over the world, with an amazing kind of gruesome humor and wisdom. Norse mythology is also so damn funny. That one bit with Thor dressing up as a bride or Loki’s shenanigans...amazing. And I like fantasy, I find it very soothing to read for some reason, my fave has to be Robin Hobb and her Realm of the Elderlings series. And Terry Pratchett, especially the series with Death or the Witches. Just brilliant. Neil Gaiman too. 

- I tend to be very impatient when it comes to literary fiction, I find a lot of it is self-indulgent, dreary. I’m a genre reader through and through, I need to be amazed. I loved ‘the Elegance of the Hedgehog’ by Muriel Barbery though. Some stuff by Amélie Nothomb, Virginie Despentes occasionally (they’re French writers with a very dark, wry approach to life, tho the first is more polished acid and the second very punk rock). And ‘Special Topics in Calamity Physics’ by Marisha Pessl is pretentious as hell but a lot of fun, if you like dark academia. Salman Rushdie has a way with language that is amazing. 

- I read a lot of non-fiction. At the moment : the Cabaret of Plants (about the symbolic/socio historical meaning of plants and how they shaped history) by Richard Mabey and ‘Feminist Fight Club’ by Jessica Bennett. One I absolutely love is ‘the Botany of Desire’ by Michael Pollan in which he traces the history of four plant species (apple, potato, cannabis, tulip) and how they impacted us as much as we impacted them. I was obsessed with plants for most of my life as you can see lol (my mother is a herbalist and I wanted to become a botanist for quite a while.). Also philosophy/anthropology in little bits. I love Tim Ingold. Things about witches. Anything by Rebecca Solnit is incredible. 

- I’ve been reading a lot of YA recently, because it’s fun and quick and keeps me reading, and has a lot of good female characters. Big fave recently : Jane Unlimited by Kristin Cashore. It’s about a young bisexual woman who’s grieving and comes to this weird house full of doors, each of which leads to a different path in life, and we follow her through each choice she can potentially make, each of one becomes a different genre of story : creepy ghost story, spy story, sci-fi, cute romance, etc. It’s so innovative and it’s a story that is also bisexual culture at its core. Also I absolutely love love love love love (etc forever) the Raven Cycle series by Maggie Stiefvater. What she does with language is just so cool, because she stays simple and efficient but uses her metaphors in such a fulgurant, vivid way. Some of her lines are just. bam! genius. #goals. Also Ronan Lynch is probably THE character that helped me the most with my coming out. He’s one of my forever faves.  Of course Harry Potter, lmao, I was of the generation that pretty much grew up with him, the last book came out when I was 17. JK Rowling really should just stop rn. But I learned so much from those, about the importance of making your story feel like home, and having a clear emotional journey. And Harry is such a sarcastic little shit, I love him. And I love a Series of Unfortunate Events too, the darkly funny tone of it, the celebration of knowledge and resilience. 

- I think in terms of the classics (I had to read in school lmao), I do like Victor Hugo a lot even though some of his stuff just doesn’t fucking stop. I also like Balzac and his Comédie Humaine, he’s very observant, mean and funny when it comes to people (even though it’s depressing.) Colette is my grandma’s fave writer and she is a rockstar, I love her (also hella bi culture). Jane Austen is great, I read Pride and Prejudice in one night straight, I was so hooked. Love Jane Eyre too. I read On the Road by Jack Kerouac while hopped up on opioid pain killers and that’s probably the only way to appreciate it, but it did mark me.  

- But to be completely fucking candid, I probably read the most fanfic nowadays still. Esp since I got to college, I need to unwind when I read, and having characters you already know can be so comforting. Now, of course, there’s a lot of fanfic that is just fluff (nothing wrong with that) but I honestly really believe in the literary value of fanfic. Because some of that shit simply just really slaps and is well written. But also as a genre on its own : you just simply don’t get so much emotional nuance, and depth in most other things. Because these are characters we already know and the writers are not afraid to be self-indulgent and plot is secondary, we see shades of things that we never see anywhere else, we see relationships developping in the small things and wow that shit is breathtaking, bro, sometimes. The art of infinite variation on a theme. Even though a lot of fic writers could use a bit of stricter editing, and do stuff a bit too many unnecessary details in here, so does Victor Hugo soooooooo....

lol i could go on forever. i love book soooo much. uni kinda killed my reading appetite, I used to read several books a week when I was in middle school. hope i can get back there (although maybe not as much bc i have a life now lol.) but thinking about everything i have yet to read makes me sooooo happy. I want to get more into sci-fi, English lit classics. Basically I like stuff that’s witty, dark, political, hedonistic, with dry humor, but a warm heart. Stories that celebrate knowledge, curiosity and human weirdness. And that gets to the point. When I get bored by a book, I put it down, because I just don’t have the time. I also hate writers where you can tell that they think they’re better than other people. Misanthropy is boring. Thank you for this question anon I had a blast

[chronotopes]

@little-vulcan tagged me in a getting-to-know u thing; i’m not tagging anyone bc i’m problematic (as we all know) but answers under the cut

NAME: katia

SIGN: leo

HEIGHT: 5′4″

MIDDLE NAME: ‘petrovna’, which as per russian naming conventions is just a derivative of my father’s name.

PUT YOUR ITUNES SPOTIFY ON SHUFFLE, WHAT ARE THE FIRST SIX SONGS THAT POPPED UP?

1. green finch and linnet bird - the original sweeney todd soundtrack

2. the times they are a-changing - simon and garfunkel (MUCH more listenable than the dylan version btw kljfskdjsf)

3. the north - stars

4. the one - carly rae jepsen

5. the rich irish lady - hedy west 

6. a world alone - lorde

so…… leftovers from my Musical Theater Phase, folk music, and the beginnings of pop music 

GRAB THE BOOK NEAREST TO YOU AND TURN TO PAGE 23. WHAT’S LINE 17?

i’m putting in the full sentence for context - “but schliemann’s excavations as troy and mycenae, as well as other sites mentioned in homer, revealed a previously unsuspected bronze age civilization; its bronze armor, its weapons and many particular objects - a cup like nestor’s, for example - seemed to correspond to homer’s descriptions, and its approximate date (determined by archaological evidence) seemed to coincide with the date assigned to the trojan war.” that’s bernard knox talking at length about the iliad btw. i may or may not have skipped the introduction bc what i tend to do with introductions for classic lit is skip and come back to it after i have the context of the book. 

EVER HAD A POEM OR SONG WRITTEN ABOUT YOU?

lfjksdflks yeah for the former, no for the latter unless you count impromptu songs audrey comes up with on the spot

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED AIR GUITAR?

i’m gonna make an educated guess that it was at one point last december when audrey visited me

WHO IS YOUR CELEBRITY CRUSH?

saoirse ronan and sonequa martin-green own my entire ass rn

WHAT’S A SOUND YOU HATE?

the sound of someone running their fingernail along a polished photograph

DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS? HOW ABOUT ALIENS?

ghosts only in the half-jokey way that i believe in astrology, aliens fuck yeah 

DO YOU DRIVE? IF SO HAVE YOU EVER CRASHED?

i don’t drive because i’mf ucking useless. i need to get my permit this winter fml!! 

WHAT’S THE LAST BOOK YOU READ?

i’m reading the iliad rn, but the last book i finished was cat on a hot tin roof - well, that’s a PLAY i guess but whatever it counts. it was so so so so good and everyone who likes tn but hasn’t read it should read it Right Now. 

DO YOU LIKE THE SMELL OF PETROL?

fuck no

WHAT WAS THE LAST MOVIE YOU SAW?

uhh fuck i think it’s still midnight in paris from when i had to watch it for english class. fuck woody allen fuck male artists etc etc 

WHAT’S THE WORST INJURY YOU’VE EVER HAD?

i was nine years old, sitting on one of those criss-cross wire fences at the park in chicago, fell backwards off of it, put my arm between the head and the ground, and broke my arm very badly. on top of that i lied to literally everyone and said i’d jumped off the fence instead of falling. 

DO YOU HAVE ANY OBSESSIONS RIGHT NOW?

star trek lmao

DO YOU TEND TO HOLD GRUDGES AGAINST ANYONE WHO’S DONE YOU WRONG?

it’s … weird. possibly unhealthy. what i do is, like, i generally forgive them pretty easily, and i don’t think my inward outlook towards them is outwardly changed, but if i need a reason to dislike them, like, 3 months later i’m gonna remember whatever shit they pulled. but i guess in terms of being pissed at someone long-term i don’t really do that, mainly bc i don’t devote a lot of energy to thinking about people in such a capacity anyway. 

IN A RELATIONSHIP?

nope and never have been, which i used to resent but it’s like. i did in fact probably have more opportunities for relationships in early high school than i had perceived at the time, but the fact that this didn’t occur to me means that i def wasn’t emotionally mature enough to pursue them. and now it’s like. i only have about five months left of living in smalltown virginia so who knows what’ll happen then? (jk both of the college options that are currently financially available to me are ALSO in smalltown virginia but they’re, like, DIFFERENT small towns in virginia.) 

[ephemeralshq]

    ♡.         hi i’m haylee ( she/her ) & i love jenna & julien more than i love myself. seriously, look at these BABIES. anywho !! i live in the est timezone & i have a dog that i’ll probably [ read : will ] talk about 24/7. i can b a bit slow with replies at times simply bc i have work & a somewhat decent ?? social life ?? outside of rping, but if u bear w me, i can promise u i’ll make it up 2 u … probably by sending memes, funny videos or photos of my dog !! or cat. i can’t forget abt her :~) alright !! below the cut you’ll find info abt minjae & with the revamp, i took the chance to tweak some of their information !! i’d really appreciate if u gave it a look ok. their BIO & STATS pages can be found by clicking the links i just linked 4 u. also, as for connections, i basically took this as a chance for minjae to have a blank slate save 4 a few past connections,,,,,,, – tho if u want 2 keep an old connection that isn’t listed, just let me kno ?? i’ll b more than happy 2 add it !! that being said, i’ve set up a nifty connections page that u can find by clicking HERE. so,,,,,,, chogiwaNNA SMASH THAT LIKE BUTTON IF U WANNA PLOT !! THANK. ILY. 

surprise gif below !! i basically couldn’t not put it in, sorry ?? also trigger warnings for DISORDERED EATING, BLOOD MENTIONS, SELF HARM & SLIGHT PHOBIA TOWARD SEXUALITY & GENDER.

BIOGRAPHY :

minjae was born ( their sister soon following after ) in london and was raised there until they were sixteen, thus their first language is english. however, he began learning korean when he was eleven because he found it difficult to communicate with his relatives that weren’t fluent in english. his mother was happy to teach him !

minjae and his sister were incredibly close. he finds it easy to confide in her, and she’s always there for him. she understands him in ways his parents never truly did, and for that he’s so thankful. despite her being younger than him, she’d always come to his defence, protecting him from kids who’d bully minjae for being the way he was ; they often poked fun at his cautious nature, as well as his intelligence and effeminate mannerisms. their harsh words bothered him, and continue to do so ; they’re the main reason his self-image began to decline. they don’t show it as much anymore, as they’ve adopted a stoic exterior, but deep down, they continue to hide certain parts of themself for fear of being scrutinized.

he didn’t participate in sports much as a kid. in fact, he spent his time indoors, immersed in books and other activities like drawing and playing dress up. his mother never really saw anything wrong with it at the time, though it always seemed to rub his father the wrong way. when he was eight, his father refused to let his ❝ son ❞ dress up, and he was brokenhearted. he felt like a part of him had been torn away. as a result of this, minjae withdrew from their father at an early age, finding that they were merely civil around each other, keeping contact to a minimum.

additionally, they found solace in activities such as reading, art, and photography. these hobbies helped him through the years until he discovered his love for fashion ; he was thirteen when this happened.

it wasn’t that minjae didn’t want to get into sports, more so his health didn’t allow him to. minjae was diagnosed a hemophiliac at a young age, which meant that he was prone to excessive bleeding. he often gets nosebleeds as a result of this, and even made a friend once as his nose began bleeding in class and the other person offered to escort him to the school nurse ( possible connection ? ) interestingly enough, minjae loves watching sports, and closely follows football ( soccer ).

their fondness toward fashion started as an interest and grew into a strong liking ; though the liking escalated into an obsession as it began to take its toll on his mental health. his self-image declined as he was surrounded with thin bodies and supposed perfection. he began to view himself under a toxic, negative light ( he was only fourteen ) which resulted in him beginning and keeping an extensive journal containing daily logs describing the amount of calories he’d eat, his weight, his body measurements, and his exercise routines. recording data in this journal became routine ; he’d write in it after every meal, and if he chose not to eat, right before bed. they also began to self-harm ( they burned themself ), using it as a coping method and a form of punishment whenever they’d eat more than their allowed amount.

he used to keep the notebook on his desk, though he once lost it and had a panic attack due to its absence. he makes sure to keep it under his mattress now.

minjae was in his first relationship ( potential connection ? ) when he was in high school. it didn’t last long, and there wasn’t truly any love shared between them ( at least he didn’t love them ), but it was interesting ; a time for minjae to discover himself, and what their views regarding romance were. he gathered enough courage to come out to his parents as pansexual, though it furthered the rift between him and his father. his mother wasn’t as resentful, but she wasn’t incredibly accepting either. she was indifferent in the worst way ; it broke minjae’s heart. his sister, thankfully, continued to welcome him with open arms.

he and his parents moved to seoul when minjae was sixteen, and though he didn’t mind the change in scenery, he lost the majority of his friends with the distance ( they continued to skype, but it wasn’t the same ). his father began to work more, and through time, minjae’s mother began to warm up to her son ; she didn’t love him any less, she was just adjusting to new information. with the move, she noticed her child’s decline in mood, and as compensation she bought him a cat ( minjae’s sister also helped persuade her to ) which oddly enough, helped a lot ? he named the black cat lilly, and he holds her near and dear to his heart. she keeps him sane in his darker days, and she likes to sleep in his room, or sit on his lap whenever he’s working away at his desk. fun fact : his phone background’s a photo of him and her together !!

he applied to a local university for fashion design after completing high school and that’s the major he ended up graduating in !! he was lucky enough to land a job as an assistant designer for a relatively known fashion company, though the job’s stressful sometimes, and it makes him want to rip his hair out. also, when he’s experiencing art block he falls into depression. he hasn’t been diagnosed as he refuses to talk with a doctor ; in his mind, he’s too busy to see one ! he just takes his work very ( too ) seriously !

he moved out of his parents’ house when he was twenty-two, and currently lives with his roommate ( and cat ! ) in a studio apartment. his sister was upset to see him go, but she busies herself with school, as she’s currently majoring in business. she doesn’t know what she wants to do career wise though. she often comes around to visit minjae, too ! she practically lives with him half the time.

he once collapsed from overworking himself for a design when he was still just a newbie at his job ( he was twenty-three ). thankfully, it was while he was at home, though his roommate ( potential connection ? ) found him passed out on the floor and helped him into bed and made sure he was okay ; warm, fed, rested, etc. minjae was thankful, but the presence of food made him feel extremely uncomfortable. he didn’t eat for two days following that, as a form of punishment. subsequently, he didn’t tell his family of the fainting spell ; he couldn’t bear to burden his sister.

they were also recently diagnosed with rheumatoid arthiritis following a doctor’s visit after they noticed pain beginning in their hands. minjae had taken himself to the doctor’s, alone, and it was one of the most terrifying experiences of his life ( he has an aversion to anything medical related ; it brings him back to his childhood, where he’d visit hospitals frequently due to his hemophilia ). during flare ups, minjae finds it increasingly difficult to work ; sewing and other intricate practices become nearly impossible, and as he refuses to seek help from his peers, he tends to grow frustrated and lash out at unsuspecting others.

currently, he continues to have maladaptive coping methods ( they do still self-harm ), atop their nonexistent eating habits and extensive food log, which remains hidden under the new mattress in their room. .

PERSONALITY : 

he’s very quiet and insensitive, so if someone’s being annoying he’ll tell them, though deep, deep down he wants to be liked ; he just likes to sabotage himself a lot because he assumes he isn’t allowed to be happy. he’s scared of happiness ?

he also likes to paint his nails a lot ; he enjoys it and often paints them his favourite colour ( black ). it makes him feel more connected with himself ? it reminds him of when he used to play dress up ! though whenever he goes to see his family, he takes the nail polish off. his dad caught minjae with it on once, and he was not happy.

he’s also a huge fan of indie bands, the music relaxes him. if anyone close to him asks for music recs, he’ll go on for days about them, or anything else he likes for that matter !