#but whatever. dog role bc i got quite sad today

[lottieurl]

who wants to know what my dog's name is

[the-bi-man-cometh]

Then and Now

Then: September 23, 2015 Now: January 25, 2019

What is your biggest mistake in life? Then: Letting my ex boyfriend*abuse* me. Now: Dear past me, you did not let him abuse you. My real biggest mistake is the years of letting other people control me. How do you feel today? Then: sad because the guy I like called someone else his other half. Now: Pretty ok. It was a pretty good day. What did you have for lunch today? Then: didn’t eat yet.  probably gonna have like a frozen dinner or something. Now: Pizza, a black bean burger, and fresh juice at the dining hall. I haven’t been eating much, so I let myself eat as much as I wanted. What friend do you tell EVERYTHING to? Then: Becky?  Right now, I don’t really have one.  We haven’t been talking that much :/ Now: Sarah, @empiremydear​

What are you wearing? Then: PJs.  Sleeping With Sirens tee, Olaf pj pants. Now: PJs again. I haven’t changed my clothes in the past 3 years. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you do? Then: Cry probably bc it’s 4 in the morning and I’m tired. Now: Yeah same. And also have an anxiety attack. Are you waiting for something? Then: Yes!  High school to be over!  And my 18th birthday. Now: The warm weather! When was the last time you cried? Then: Last night, I think.  While singing “Role Of A Lifetime” from bare. Now: A few nights ago, watching Love Simon. Is there someone you will never forget? Then: Lots of people.  I’ll never forget anyone I loved or anyone who hurt me.  I don’t forget easily. Now: Anyone who I’ve ever been close with. At the beginning of last summer, who were you in a relationship with? Then: Just out of a relationship with my first girlfriend. Now: No one Do you regret anything you did in the past three days? Then: Probably.  I can’t think of anything specific, but I’m always doing stupid shit. Now: Like, everything I did at the party I was at the other night because I’m embarrassing, but whatever it was fun. Do you hold grudges? Then: I like to think that I don’t, but I definitely do. Now: I could give you an ordered list of everyone who’s ever hurt me. Does the last person you kissed with mean a lot to you? Then: That’s a complicated question.  Like, I care about him, but the last thing he said to me was “You’re acting like a bitch”, so…? Now: I'm more mature than I was when I answered this last time, so I’m not gonna talk about it. Do you wear flip flops during the winter? Then: No. Now: No When things get bad, are you more likely to blame yourself or somebody else? Then: Someone else, tbh. Now: I’ve been really working on not blaming other people for my own stupidity. I’ll blame whoever caused it. Do you like Chinese food? Then: yes. Now: Yeah How often do you straighten your hair? Then: Never.  Too short. Now: Same Do you look decent when you wake up? Then: Ugh no.  I look like an actual garbage can. Now: Ew. Do you like meeting new people? Then: It depends. Now: No, it scares me. What was the last thing you drank? Then: water. Now: Water Last thing you ate? Then: Rice Krispies. Now: Chocolate cake from TGI Friday’s Do you miss someone? Then: Yes.  The guy I like.  It’s only been a day since I’ve seen him, but it feels like an eternity. Now: A bunch of people, yeah. Are you planning on kissing anyone today? Then: No. Now: Nah

What colour are your eyes? Then: Brown.  Why would the answer to this one change? Now: Chartreuse

Do you think relationships are hard? Then: It depends on the relationship.  You’re always gonna have to work at it, some harder than others. Now: They probably shouldn’t be harder than they’re worth. Are you a type of person who cares what people say about you? Then: Sort of. Now: Yeah. Something you’re looking forward to in the next month? Then: Seeing Les Mis again on Sunday! Now: Whenever the next time I see my friends is. Will you be in bed in the next 20 minutes? Then: No, it’s 3 PM. Now: No, I’ll probably still be answering these questions. Does seeing couples in love make you mad? Then: Not mad, just jealous. Now: No. But depending on how I’m feeling that day or if they’re being gross about it, I might be annoyed. How many people have you had strong romantic feelings for this year? Then: 2 Now: Two? I think? I’m trying to remember if the one was over a year ago. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? Then: Yesterday.  Gym class.  Don’t you miss the locker room, future me? Now: About a month ago during the show I was in. Are you going out of town soon? Then: Today.  Taking my dog to the dog park. Now: Yeah, I leave town every day to go to school. But under a new perspective, I think this question meant “are you going on vacation?” to which the answer is I have no money. Do you have a good relationship with your mother? Then: Yeah, it’s awesome. Now: Yes Do you still talk to your FIRST love? Then: It depends on what you mean by first love xD The first guy who I thought I was in love with?  Occasionally.  Like, we aren’t friends or anything, but I’ll say hi to him or whatever.  The first girl who I was truly in love with?  Yes, unfortunately.  We have to speak because we’re in band together, but I can’t wait for her to be out of my life. Now: No, he’s out of my life, for better or for worse. And you weren’t in love with her, you idiot. What was your FIRST alcoholic drink? Then: Haven’t had one yet.  But if I had, why would the answer change? Now: Champagne. Ew. What was your FIRST job? Then: Babysitting if that counts.  That’s not gonna change. Now: Kohl’s. I quit/got fired less than a month in. It was mutual. What was your FIRST car? Then: My mom’s SUV. Now: A 2000 Honda CRV. Still driving it. Who is the FIRST person you thought of this morning? Then: My mom, probably.  Wondering where she was. Now: Probably my dad. I remember hearing him whistling when I first woke up. Who was your FIRST grade teacher? Then: Mrs. Winston.  That’s not gonna change. Now: Technically it was Mrs. Winston and Ms. Frank after she retired. But yeah, it didn’t change. Where did you go on your FIRST ride on an airplane? Then: California.  That’s not gonna change. Now: California Who was your FIRST best friend & do you still talk? Then: Nicole.  A bit.  We’re doing a project for english together. Now: Still Nicole. And no, I don’t know where she is now. Where was your FIRST sleep over? Then: Well, I tried sleepovers a bunch of times and failed to actually sleep over, but the first sleepover I actually had was at Alex’s party. Now: (Alex was a close friend in elementary school) This hasn’t changed. Who was the FIRST person you talked to today? Then: My dog.  He’s a person, right? Now: Myself 😎 Whose wedding were you in the FIRST time? Then: None. Now: Still none What was the FIRST thing you did this morning? Then: Petted my dog. Now: Read some hate comments I got overnight. Love my haterz. What was the FIRST concert you ever went to? Then: Drake Bell, Ally & AJ.  What’s with all these firsts?  They’re not gonna change! Now: ^ FIRST broken bone? Then: Pretty sure I broke my big toe at one point, but my mom never bothered to bring me to a doctor. Now: Other than the maybe-broken toe, my tailbone. I wouldn’t recommend it, it’s pretty darn painful. FIRST piercing? Then: None.  Future me, did I decide to get any face piercings yet?? Now: No, past me, you didn’t, and you will not because you’re not emo anymore. FIRST foreign country you’ve gone to? Then: England. Now: ^ FIRST movie you remember seeing? Then: Elmo In Grouchland. Now: ^ When was your FIRST detention? Then: 1st grade for running in the cafeteria. Now: ^ Who was your FIRST roommate? Then: Ellie, but that was only for like a week at camp.  Future me, who’s my first real roommate? Now: None yet, but Sarah’s going to be my first roommate next year! What is something you would learn if you had the chance? Then: To play trumpet.  And I do have the chance, but my band director won’t let me play it anymore because he doesn’t want to mess up my embouchure. Now: I still want to learn trumpet, or flute. I’ve got the resources, so I really should. Did you marry the FIRST person to ask for your hand in marriage/ you asked to marry? Then: Dude, I’m 17. Now: Dude, I’m 20.

What was the FIRST sport you were involved in? Then: Soccer. Now: ^ What were the FIRST lessons you ever took? Then: Saxophone lessons in like 7th grade or something. Now: Sax lessons were the first private ones, but I took dance lessons when I was 3. What is the FIRST thing you do when you get home? Then: Eat. Now: Take my binder off. Who do you think will be the next person to post this? Then: Idk, I’m not posting this for another year. Now: No one because this is ridiculously long Are you ready to get out of this town? Then: Hell yeah! Now: So ready, past me wouldn’t believe it. What are you doing tomorrow? Then: Going to school. Now: Working some accommodation stuff out with the disability workers at school. Jealous? Are you the oldest of your siblings? Then: I have no siblings.  If the answer to this one changes, I’m gonna be really freaked out. Now: No, my mom spontaneously spawned an older sibling for me. Have you ever crawled through a window? Then: Probably at some point, but not that I remember. Now: I don’t think so. Whose bed did you sleep in last night? Then: My own. Now: Mine What were you doing at 4am this morning? Then: In my bed. Now: Trying to sleep The person you fell hardest for, how many times have you cried in front of them? Then: A lot xD I cried in front of him 3 times in one day. Now: Same guy, so like.... a really lot. Do you wear converse? Then: Yes. Now: I don’t have any right now, but I want to buy a new pair. What does your last text say? Then: No. Now: “I have a three hour lab tomorrow...” It’s much longer than this, but I’m not about putting people’s business out there. Or typing all of that. Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past three days? Then: People in the locker room. Now: No, but what I’m more concerned about is that when I redid this a few months after the original, I said “not in person...” but I’ve never sent a pic like that in my life, so what did that mean????? What were you doing at 8:00 this morning? Then: Sleeping. Now: Sleeping. Do you smile often? Then: I guess so.  I laugh a lot. Now: Yeah :D Would you cry if you found out you were pregnant? Then: Yes.  But like how would that even happen?  I mean, look at me. Now: Yeah. I’m pretty sure that’s literally everyone’s reaction though? Have you ever been caught doing something you shouldn’t? Then: Yeah, a lot.  I rarely do anything bad without getting caught. Now: Yes, many times What’s the connection between you and the last person you texted? Then: Best friends. Now: My best friend

Have you had alcohol in the last 48 hours? Then: no Now: No? Math? What does your last outgoing text say? Then: He didn’t say you could leave? Now: “What class is the lab for?” Did you have a dream last night? Then: Multiple.  But the only one I remember is that something exploded, and I got scared, but then my crush came up to me and was like “Oh, yeah, I’m blowing up things.  It’s fun!  You should come blow things up with me!” Now: Probably not. I didn’t sleep very soundly for some reason. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? Then: My mom. Now: My mom. She’s the only one who calls me. Do you think two people can last forever? Then: Yes.  The whole Symposium thing. Now: I hope so. Is there one person you look at and automatically smile? Then: Yeah :) the guy I like, whose name I shall never disclose Now: Pretty much any of my friends have that reaction on me. If you were granted one wish, what would you wish for? Then: To figure out what I want in life. Now: To not have depression anymore. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Then: I used to tell everything to my ex boyfriend, before we broke up.  But now he hates me sooooo….. Now: Nah, but I tell my dad most things. Where is the shirt you are wearing from? Then: Hot Topic Now: No idea. It was a gift. Are there any bruises on your body? Then: There’s a few from marching band. Now: I don’t think so Do you want your tongue pierced? Then: No! Now: Gross Does anyone know your MySpace password? Then: I don’t even know my MySpace password anymore. Now: Stop trying to act cool, past me. You made an account and never used it. Have you ever fallen asleep while texting someone? Then: Yeah, all the time. Now: Yeah, same Do you curse in front of your parents? Then: No. Now: I try not to, but shit happens. Do you ever get good morning texts from anyone? Then: No. Now: My dad does a lot of times since he leaves for work before I wake up Who was the last male you talked to? Then: My dad.  Or my dog, if he counts. Now: My dad. Have you ever been out of state? Then: Yes. Now: Yes. Your best friend needs you at 3 am, do you go help them? Then: I’m probably not awake, so no. Now: Of course! Do you find smoking unattractive? Then: It’s kinda hot, tbh. Now: Oh god, I’m embarrassed... yes, it’s unattractive. You have to get a tattoo, where and what do you get? Then: Origin of Love face on my hip. Now: Same, and I’m probably getting it soon! Currently wanting any piercings? Then: Maybe, like an eyebrow piercing or something like that. Now: Nope. Have you done anything sneaky lately? Then: I’m always doing something sneaky tbh xD rn I’m avoiding my math teacher. Now: I don’t think so. Like private, but not sneaky. Is love really worth fighting for? Then: Yeah, duh! Now: Sure, why not I bet you miss somebody right now? Then: Yeah, I do.  I already admitted that. Now: Like 50 people Do you know anyone that smokes weed? Then: Yeah, but not personally. Now: Lol literally everyone What colour underwear are you wearing? Then: black Now: purple

[myheart-elsewhere]

im bored pt3 || 11/22/17

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? lick

2. What is home to you? i havent yet figured that out

3. What was the last lie you told? that i was doing great lol

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? for the most part

5. What is the creepiest toy ever made? there are hella creepy toys tbh

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. most the shit i do is unacceptable but its whatever.

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn’t mix them up.)  1: using a cell phone bc it can be hard to teach adults how to use them lol. 2: seeing a color vs describing it

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? probably in school idk

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? over 15..

10. If humans didn’t evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? talking excitedly about what made us happy

11. How many romantic “things” or “flings” have you had? depends on how serious you mean, so between 2 and 5.

12. What is your paradise? lisetning to music

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) i like the sound of nails tapping on something

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? hopefully none

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? you can stay in touch with loved ones. 

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? oh jesus here we go. first off, yes- i care about quite a few celebrities. they can make us feel a happiness like no other. if you’re having a bad day, all you need is to hear their voice and the pain goes away. they speak on things that are important and meaningful. they can be our inspirations and role models. when they have a new interview, song (or movie or something else.. whatever your favorite celebrity does) it always gives us something to look forward to. they make you feel less alone. they make you feel loved. i could keep going on but i have 134 more questions..

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? make plans then cancel last minute.

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? at times, but rarely. pros: it helps get your point across. cons: it can be annoying idk

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? guitar and piano

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? if im wearing makeup, yes. i dont have a good reason except that i like my makeup lol

21. List 3 things you like about yourself? im loving, forgiving, and supportive.

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? “be yourself”

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? currently, probably not.. im basically still a child myself.

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? listen to 5h

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? today at work

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? i can be both depending on the situation or social setting

27. What constitutes a good friend? them being there for you when you need them, being supportive in everything you do, and loving you unconditionally.

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? my one best friend. i miss her.

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? “do your homework.”

30. What is your dream job? movie director

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? hardworking bc at least you’re trying.

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe? some people are shocked that im gay

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? why men can treat girls like items and/or their property and just throw them away when theyre done..

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? hm idk

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. theres been a few but the first one who comes to mind is this girl who talked about herself 24/7 and didnt care about anyone except for herself.

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don’t know. You can’t switch back. What do you do? try to figure out life and probably cry lol

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? can i do both?

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? school doesnt teach important classes lmfao

39. Name the last book you read. “trials and tribulations” 

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? i would feel empty..

41. When was the last time you made the first move? about a month in a half ago

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? i love it

43. What was the last movie you watched? i dont remember bc i rarely watch movies

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? sometimes

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself? sometimes

46. When was the last time you cried? last night

47. What are you scared of? mostly irrational things

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? let’s not talk about that lol

49. What are some of your hobbies? reading, listening to music, doing my makeup, social media, and fangirling lol

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make? idk bc im stupid and dont understand what superficial means lol

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? i think im a good friend bc i always put others before myself and i do anything and everything i can to make them happy. and im always there for them.

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? sometimes

53. What have you learned the hard way? how to lose someone you love

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? not rely on others to be your happiness

55. Which medium do you use for expressing your artistic emotions? (Singing, writing, etc.) writing for sure

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? both

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done? smart moments are rare for me

58. What is your ideal meal? steak and potatoes mmmmm

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? be on their phone

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? i love animals, specifially dogs

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? stealing 

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? si

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? youtube

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? supermario lol

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today’s society? everyone views it differently. in my personal opinion, ever since the word “thick” got popular around 2 years ago, more people are apprecating that and not focusing on being “super model thin” which i think is great.

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? hell nah. if i have school, around 6am. if i dont have school, around 10am

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? HERCULES!!!!!! meg

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? def city

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? either or

70. What are the best things about winter? COOL WEATHER

71. What scares you most about the future? idk what it holds

72. What makes you feel old? when i realize HSM came out over 10 years ago.

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? too many

74. What are some of your New Year’s resolutions? havent even thought about it bc they never happen lol

75. What is your life story in 6 words? i am really really gay bro

76. Describe yourself in one word. fangirl

77. What bad habits do you do? give out too many chances

78. What genre of music do you listen to? mostly pop, but i listen to a lot of different genres

79. Most prominent childhood memory? getting doughnuts with my dad every saturday mornning

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don’t, how would this change your life? i have a brother who is 20 years older than me. he lived in ohio and right after i was born my parents and i moved to florida. i only get to see him like once a year. it’s really sad. i think of him more as a distant uncle than a brother. but he always has done everything he can to make me happy and i appreciate that so much.

81. Spirit animal? jaguar

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? not really

83. What is the worst advice you’ve ever been given? ive been given so much bad advice i cant pick one specific thing lol

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. my best friend liv, my aunt lori, and lauren jauregui

85. Favorite memory of your family. being in ohio this past summer staying up til 2am with my parents, my brother and his fiance just telling stories and laughing our asses off.

86. What do you look for in a relationship? affection

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? yes, lauren jauregui. i love everything she stands for.

88. What is your opinion on social media? i love it. it’s what keeps you close with family/friends who live in different states or countries for that matter.

89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? both, but im mostly optimisitic.. well i try to be at least

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? CONCERT TICKETS

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? getting lost outside in the middle of n where after jingle ball 2015

92. What superpower would ruin the world? reading peoples minds tbh

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? smoke

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? i cant think of any rn

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? ohio to see my family

96. How do you approach people? i.. just.. do..

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? sometimes they change

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? bite my nails

99. What languages can you speak? english and quite a bit of spanish

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? who knows

101. What do you do on your lazy days? lay in my pjs, play on my phone and listen to music

102. What ended your last relationship? it wasnt an actual relationship, but she couldnt make up her goddamn mind and she wanted to be a fuckgirl

103. Favorite food? sushi and steak

104. What is the most terrifying dream you’ve ever had? oooo lets not talk about that..

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? 3 days  ago

106. What was the last friendship you broke? one of my “best friends” bc she didnt like that i was friends with someone she didnt like

107. Do you have any pet peeves? people chewing with their mouth open

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? my papa

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? last week

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? that i procrasinate everything

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? lauren jauregui

112. What is your biggest motivation? my best friend

113. What did you want to be when you were little? a veternarian lol

114. What are some things that you are good at? makeup

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? singing lol

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you’re trying to work? probably my phone although i don’t want to admit it lol

117. How important is privacy to you? pretty important.. but it depends on who we want privacy from

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? everyone being nice to each other

119. What’s the craziest lie you’ve ever told? i trust no one so that stays to myself for my own well-being

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? i dont go to parties

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? show off on a skateboard lmao

122. What is the stupidest thing you’ve done to impress someone? told them i have a pt cruiser but thats not even a nice car lmao

123. What is your morning routine? on a typical school day: wake up, check my phone, do my hair/makeup, get dressed, eat then leave.

124. What’s the last thing you did that is worth remembering? made a good sale at work today and it was my first day of my first job.

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? both but mostly help me.

126. What is your opinion on playing “hard to get?” its stupid

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? pros: you dont have to be afriad of not being honest. cons: it could make someone really mad at you.

128. What do you consider “leading” someone on? telling them you like them and consistenly flirting with them.

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? both

130. What do you admire most about your friends? they try to make me happy

131. What do you admire most about your family? they want the best for me

132. What is your opinion on “going with the flow?” ehh stand out, be different

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? i enjoy talking, but i almost always listen

134. When is it time to end a friendship? when they become a selfish little bitch

135. What is the worst excuse you’ve ever come up with? the excuses i make up to get out of going to school

136. If GPA didn’t matter, what courses would you have taken? idk im not interested in school

137. What are your favorite baby names? paris

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? few days ago

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? checking your phone

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. turn ons: confidence (but not cockiness), being outgoing, being able to have a conversation, and a good fashion sense (fashion sense in my opinion haha). cons: ooo being conceited and only talking about yourself.

141. Biggest disappointment. me lmao

142. Do you have any self-restraint? i do.

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? last week

144. Prized possession(s)? honestly, my phone. and a bracelet my best friend gave me,

145. What is your opinion on second chances? most people deserve it.

146. Text or call? depends on the person tbh

147. What do you like about the 21st century? it has social media

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? stay strong, babygirl. youre gonna go through a lot in the next 5 years, but you need to be strong and know you will fight through it all and come out stronger than you were before. nothing is what it seems. nothing lasts forever. expect the least and you’ll get the best. and remember, a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.

149. How organized are you? too organized. 

150. Favorite mode of transportation. car