#i never say what i don't mean ! brutally honest to a fault.

[mylittleredgirl]

i know some of you have been pressing your faces to the glass waiting for me to see this one in particular SO i saw "the nurses" the other night and am still thinking about it!!

i love love love it when characters get pushed to a point where you can almost see their childhood selves pop out, like are they even talking about what's happening right now? or are their 12-year-old hearts just screaming?? i love that margaret's outburst is both irrational (the hostile work environment is coming from inside the house; i was yelling at my tv "baby it's your fault!!!") and so so honest.

[this turned into a bit of a character thesis, so not only is there a readmore, there will also be a reblog soon with the rest of the post because i maxed out the image limit] [edit: part ii now in the reblogs!]

this whole time, margaret has treated her subordinates with a heavy hand because she thinks it's the right and fair thing to do. the rules say this is how it works!

she maintains a high standard of excellence in brutal circumstances, but she's also reactive, moody, and unforgiving. she's often shown on the edge of losing control and authority, she inflames situations by overreacting, and the thing she punishes most egregiously is disrespect (toward frank, toward the army, toward herself). she intentionally underlines the distance between herself and the other nurses at every turn.

from season 3 "there's nothing like a nurse": [all IDs in alt]

really, everything she thinks and does comes from a place of "they're not supposed to like me," but the childish part of her that is completely unable to see her own behavior is confused and hurt because "i'm just doing my job so why don’t they like me???"

it's her job to maintain discipline, but especially here in 4077-land, she doesn't have to lead with the whip. henry was beloved because he was an overly permissive clown, which will never be her speed, but colonel potter has all the same training as she does. he's loved and respected as the Good Regular Army Guy because he leads with discernment and mutual respect.

it's easier for him. he's more experienced, he's respected and supported from above and below, and he has a calm temperament — which isn't nothing.

from season 4 "the interview":

whether she's aware of this as a problem or not, we at home can see how margaret's inability to control her emotional reactivity causes her as much grief as her inability to control other people.

if she were capable of laughing off small slights, hawkeye and trapper wouldn't have used her as a chew toy so much, and henry might have taken her real concerns more seriously if they weren't lost in the noise of daily fits, you know? she rarely started it, so i'm not blaming her for the hostile chaos circus of seasons 1-3, but i am saying she would have had a better time if she knew how to take a few deep breaths.

this description from the script, after the near-brawl in the nurses' tent in act one, is basically her character thesis statement:

and here, when she's reacting fully emotionally, the truth comes out! the reason that she won't be flexible and show compassion to the nurses isn't because of the rules, but because they're mean to her!!

that's obviously a very bad place to lead from. she has enormous institutional power over them, including controlling their freedom of movement, but she feels like all the other girls in school are hanging out together and they hate her. because they are! and they do! the fight in act one boils over when they make fun of her hair, and that sent all of them back to middle school.

and in many ways, that's where margaret's emotional maturity is stuck (which is, i think, why i find her so endearing). she can't see herself. she knows they don't like her, trust her, or want her around, but she doesn't understand how she dug this hole herself, or how to get out of it.

to add insult to jealous injury, one of the nurses (mary jo, who gets between margaret and baker to stop the fight and takes care of the others in different ways) is margaret's age, and the others look to her as their chosen leader and personal support.

and i'm sure margaret had NO IDEA this was the messy truth until she heard it come out of her mouth.

and her emotionally breaking on the "one lousy cup of coffee" in particular…

i wonder, how often does some version of that first tent scene happen? does she deliver their assignments every night? she walks in already defensive, they immediately stop laughing, and then... she either finds a reason to scold them or they ice her out until she leaves. (and they probably start laughing again as soon as she does!)

from her perspective, when she arrived for the dreaded sleepover and they turned out the lights the minute she walked in, it's like they cancelled the nightly coffee klatch just to avoid spending one social minute with her.

i also think the nurses are right when they assumed that she wouldn't have accepted an invitation to hang out with them (and might even have snapped at them for being inappropriate for asking). she doesn't cross that emotional line, even when she should — she didn't know gaynor was spiraling after losing so many patients in a row, and didn't respond compassionately when she learned.

has she ever invited them for coffee or a friendly chat? no.

...... but her circumstances have recently changed.

[reblog with the rest of it is here!]

[bobbydagen24]

Harshly Honest opinion but the Creek Hate from the Fandom is unfair.

I'm going to address all the Reasons why Creek is Hated by the Fandom so Buckle up. ( ps I'm not looking for a fight so if you wanna Respectfully Debate my points I'm all ears but if your gonna act condescending or Rude about the points then your just gonna be ignored )

first off about him selling out the village

well if you examine the movie you can see it was written in such a way where his literal only choices were to do what he did or die Horribly

and how he was put into a worse situation overall than any of the other Trolls were based on what he was put through and how immediate the Danger was to him

Really no one else in the film was put in as bad a situation as he was so no one can Really Judge him since everyone else was always given the option of sitting tight and Hoping to be Rescued but Creek never was.

what ruins his Role as a supposed villain is him being plucked out of the cage and separated from everyone else early on.

as if he had say attracted Gristle and Chef's attention from when he was in the cage and approached them offering to sell out the village for his own life then I'd find that a tad easier to judge

because he still had the choice of sitting tight and waiting to be rescued with his friends but he chose to have a lack of faith in the

people he claimed to care about and instead tried to take an easier way out by Harming others even tho he had other choices.

but him being taken from the cage early on through no fault of his own and literally not agreeing until he was on the verge of being eaten alive

and then being stuffed in a tiny locket on his own with no air holes for hours on end which is basically torture I mean the poor guy was Begging for Help and Mercy when Gristle showed him to Bridget during their Date.

it just makes it hard for me to blame him tbh like even when he's reunited with a captured Poppy I don't really think he had the same option they all did.

because had he gone back on the deal I kinda Doubt Chef would have stuck him back in the cage with the others and instead likely would have just killed him in anger then and there.

so I don't think it can even be claimed that he could have gone back on the deal and still survived the movie by standing by his friends

in that moment and thus being Rescued by Bridget along with the Rest of them later on.

the problem with the movie's writing is that in order to make Creek a surprise Twist villain they unintentionally made him a bigger victim than any of the other Trolls who were captured by the Bergens.

by taking away any other choices he had in the situation that didn't Result in immediate death whereas everyone else who was captured in the film weren't put in as Hopeless a situation as he was.

its all just very iffy writing and Honestly it kinda Baffles me how the writers find villains like Barb and Crimp and Veneer to be deserving of sympathy

despite doing bad things of their own free will but hate Creek with a passion and say he deserves brutal death for giving in to very Human fear after a day from Hell with literally no other Good options.

like to anyone who Judges his actions all I have to say is what other option did he have that still would have allowed him to live in the end?

and if you can Honestly answer that without saying "" but he should have just died so the rest of the village can live ""

then I'll admit Defeat but if you are just going to say that quote above then I'll point out your literally doing the same thing your criticising him for

your Deciding other people's lives are worth more than someone else's Despite them being on equal Ground since they were all innocent people

and Deciding someone should have to die so someone else can live the problem is the fandom looks at this like its simple and black and white when it Really isn't

its a variation of the Trolley problem which is a complex question that people have thought about for years now Trolls is just a kids film at the end of the day so I don't expect it to go into this topic in Depth

but it should have been written Differently so either Creek's motives were Different or his situation wasn't so Devoid of other options for him

since literally all of his friends were given the luxury of waiting to see if they were Rescued but Creek wasn't

or it should have been changed so he got a last minute Redemption and Happy ending like maybe when Chef made that last attempt to kill Branch and Poppy During the climax

Creek finally plucks up the courage to stand up to her and Jumps out the waist bag onto her face Distracting her for long enough for the Rest of the snack pack to trip her up and send her off in the cooker like in the finished film.

and in the end Poppy and Branch and Creek share a look that means he isn't necessarily still friends with Poppy but they appreciate the situation was pretty Hopeless and he did try to Help them in the end.

but having him share a comeuppance with his captor is Honestly kinda Bizaar

Creek isn't the one to blame for the attempted Genocide Chef is mainly and also Gristle Jr

yes he was manipulated by Chef but he still had more free will in his part in the Genocide than the literal Hostage did

yet the movie lets him off the Hook in the end but sends Creek off with his captor acting more like he was her willing Henchmen than her victim.

its like if a world war 2 film Redeemed Hitler in the end and gave him a Happy ending but a prisoner in one of his camps who betrayed a Group of his own people

because they threatened to send him to the Gas chamber if he didn't is Treated like an irredeemable scumbag and is killed off.

its just insane from a writing perspective tbh.

another point is I've heard some people say he's meant to Represent Toxic positivity and frankly I don't understand that angle?

he was no more toxically posotive than the rest of the village he along with everyone else refused to believe the party could be dangerous for them

which makes him a bit ignorant but it was the environment he was Raised in he's no more or less Guilty of this Behaviour than the Rest of Pop Village

and if people are referring to his later actions then how is that toxic positivity? being scared after being held captive alone in inhumane conditions and threatened to be gruesomely murdered is toxic positivity?

I genuinely don't understand this idea?

also he's Hated on for his attitude towards Branch and yeah that is Jerky but 1. that doesn't make him an irredeemable villain Deserving of Torture and Death like a lot of fans claim

and 2. almost all of the snack pack act this way Towards Branch that isn't unique to Creek yet he's the only one Hated on for this Behaviour?

the twins literally tell Branch to his face he always ruins everything which I find to be much more insulting than what Creek said to him

Cooper literally called him a party pooper and tried to Deter Poppy from inviting him to the party which tbf Creek also Did

at best Biggie was somewhat sympathetic towards Branch but even that came across as patronising pity more than anything that wasn't Really taking his concerns seriously

so yeah the fandom making out like Creek was the sole bane of Branch's existence prior to the first movie is unfair tbh

most of the snack pack behaved this way Towards Branch because they were Raised in a toxically posotive environment and had seen Branch

be involved in no Doubt countless false alarms over the years warning them about the Bergens and he'd probably behaved bitter and antagonistic towards them in the past

like he did at the start of the first film so some of them Developed a Dislike of him which is kinda understandable in some ways.

point is this isn't unique to Creek he's no more Toxically posotive than the Rest of the village and he wasn't any worse to Branch than the others were

the only Difference is he wasn't around to Hear Branch's backstory which Gave the Gang more context on why he acted the way he did.

in short the Hate towards him is kinda Unreasonable tbh he was placed in a much more Dire situation than any other Troll in the movie in that he was much closer to death with literally no Hope of escape

not to mention the whole being stuffed in the tiny locket with no air holes or light which is literally just torture.

the whole thing that Ruins it is the writing choice to have him plucked from the cage early on and nearly eaten then and there as that puts him in a situation that no other Troll in the film was actually put in

even when Branch was nearly forced fed to Gristle at the end he still had other people around him which means he knew he could be saved and low and behold he was.

but Removing Creek from the cage and trying to eat him then and there with literally no other Hope of escape other than Doing what he did creates an unfair lose lose situation for him Really.

and sacrificing yourself for others may be noble but it is not something anyone has any Right to expect from someone else

unless they chose a job to protect the public like a cop or a firefighter which Creek wasn't he was just an ordinary civilian.

and to the people who say they Hate him for his attitude Towards Poppy when she was in the cage well I have nothing to say to that except well

it doesn't make your attitude of saying he Deserves Gruesome death any more Right

its Victim Blaming in the most covered up kid friendly form its the Trolls movie equivalent

of saying a local person Deserved to get Horribly Beat up and killed by a Group of guys simply because they acted like a bit of a smug Jerk in a pub or a nightclub.

someone's attitude does not change the circumstances of the situation a Victim can act as smug and Jerky as they like it does not change the fact that they are a Victim.

also he only acts smug in literally 2 scenes post Betrayal so the fact the fandom focuses on that

and not all of the scenes of him being portrayed as a terrified victim before Hand is kinda Blatant picking and choosing lets be Honest

its the opposite of what the fandom does with Bro zone ignoring how they actually act for most of the movie and Hyper focusing on the two scenes of them actually acting like Decent people.

anyway that concludes my lecture lol if you've made it this far here's your Reward a cute Seal meme picture 😂😂

its sooooooooooooo cute 😭😭😭😭

[sodavizz]

Knowing

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

Pairings: Jimmy Neutron & gn! Reader

Word Count: 0.7k+

Warnings: Mentions of deaths, being brutally honest <3, I hate Jalapeño, pronouns are; you, I have massive brainrot of mouthwashing and is bored rn but sorry if this is occ, angst under the cut <33

You knew it was him all along…

You were making your way down to the cockpit to give Curly a message when you felt the jolt. The shake of the ship and the blaring emergency sirens. It only made you walk faster to see what was going on. As you got closer, you could see Jimmy sitting on the floor, his head in his hands and Curly urgently rush inside the cockpit. Not a moment later, you were thrown off your feet and thrown to the metal wall.

The ship had... crashed…?

You had quickly put together that it was Jimmy’s fault, the way he was sat outside of the cockpit, the way Curly reacted when he saw him…

-----

Now, nearly five months after the crash, everything was going to hell… Daisuke had an axe to the face to put him out of his misery, Anya had overdosed, you just watched Swansea get a bullet to the head and now you. You lay on the floor, a bullet to the abdomen, glaring at Jimmy as he stands there, the utility room only illuminated by the red emergency lights.

“I always knew it was you…” You say through gritted teeth, your hand trying to staunch the never ending flow of blood from your stomach. “It was never Curly’s fault…”

He slowly looked to you, his eyes wide with shocked surprise. But he knew there was nothing you could do now, critically injured and no one else on the ship to help you…

How did you know...?

He thought to himself, his voice cracking slightly. He couldn't tear his eyes from the scene in front of him, it was all too much for him. The sight of you laying there, bleeding to death, staring up at him with those eyes...

He felt a pang in his chest, an intense surge of emotion that he couldn't quite place. It was like a mix of anger, sadness, and regret. But mostly regret.

"I will never forgive you. Not after what happened to everyone on this ship... Not even after what you did to Anya, you monster. I hope you rot in hell. You will regret the day you even existed, where you took your first breath. Your mother must be disappointed that she raised a man who ended up being a retarded motherfucker who thinks that he could even fix the problems that he caused himself. And even if you managed to survive, I will make your life a living hell. I mean it.. You hear me..?"

Your breath hitched as you let all your rage out. You then looked up to Jimmy with the pure resentment in your eyes, one that could make someone quiver.

The words hit him like a knife to the chest. Each syllable stinging him, searing into his soul. His mind races, scrambling to find a way to defend himself from the truth that is being hurled at him. But he can't. He knows it. Every word you uttered was true.

He stood there for a few moments longer, his eyes glistening with tears threatening to spill over. Then he turned and slowly began to walk away, his footsteps echoing through the corridor.

"....I always wondered how Curly could stand you... Your just an asshole whose jealous of all his accomplishments, so why don't you just grow the fuck up and do better than being filled with envy." You said with a scoff.

Jimmy stopped in his tracks once again, his shoulders slumped forward and his head hung low. The emotions were hitting him hard, he was pissed. He took a deep breath and turned back around to face you, his expression a mix of anger and remorse.

"You... you have no idea what it's like to be in my position," he finally managed to choke out.

"..I do know how it feels. But guess what I did? I actually earned my life, earned my achievements, and earned my title properly.... And if I were still as pathetic as you are, I would have killed myself ages ago."

He flinched at your words, the bluntness of them hitting him like a freight train. He couldn't bring himself to look at you, to see the disappointment and judgement in your eyes. As he stood there, silent and dejected, he realized how alone he truly was. He had lost everything that mattered to him.

You scoffed again but in a more shaky voice.

"Fuck you... Jim." You said in a low voice as you took a deep and long breath, as blood continued to seep out of your body.

He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, his words stuck in his throat. Instead, he just nodded weakly, acknowledging your pain and frustration. He turned and walked away, the sound of his footsteps echoing down the corridor slowly fading away.

°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:･°❀⋆.ೃ

[the-kingshound]

So I gotta ask, will the Hound be able to remain sympathetic to the Irish side of things even as they become drawn into Arthur's vision. Because from the Irish POV he's basically coming in and saying they should be content to remain conquered and that he ultimately knows what's best for everyone, including a land he seems to have only ever visited for the purposes of crushing a rebellion.

So, yeah. This is something I will have to deal with eventually. It is a complicated issue in the way every struggle of an invaded country against the conqueror is, especially when the identity of the invaded country has many differences and is, in a way, threatened.

To be completely, brutally honest, I am at fault for not thinking this through when I first made up MC's origins. As you might or might not know, I made the intro post of the game within a day and many details were either born there or added as time went on. This is to say that I am now in quite a complicated spot regarding Ireland, their identity, their rebellion, MC's identity and MC's loyalty.

Arthur's vision is to live in a world where conflict can be avoided. But you can see already from the beginning of the game how difficult that is going to be. Also, while he is a good person, Arthur has definitely his shortcomings and his view of things can sometimes clash against MC's because of their different background, origin and education.

When the rebellion started - a very violent one from the very start - Arthur didn't think about the issue with Ireland's independence. They had to deal with it as soon as possible, because that is what a King should do, and from the first fight the war was a bloodbath. Arthur has often to stay balanced between their own desires, their own softness, and the need to appease the nobles or the populace, because while he is a loved King, it doesn't mean that couldn't abruptly change.

On the other hand, the Venegard parents' obsessive aim to regain independence for the Houses is very easy to comprehend and share. They just want independence after being completely submitted by Uther. Their means to achieve that have always been very violent, however. They never considered negotiating, the strongest will prevail and they need to come out on top - by every mean possible.

So... overall, a complicated situation to manage. Especially when MC is quite literally destined to be Arthur's most loyal weapon.

I don't know what I will do yet. I have some ideas but... we'll see. It is one of the main themes of the game and MC's character developement, however, so you'll see it dealt with one way or another.

[gooeyyeehaw]

ofmd s2 spoilers !!

so two things i wanted to talk about that basically everyone is talking about, now that ive properly processed everything and need to officially get out of my system

i really really really wish the season had better, slower pacing. so much would happen before anyone could process anything and it took a loooot of thinking to truly understand some shit. i really really hope there's a season 3 with the proper amount of episodes as intended.

izzy's death - it truly felt so rushed. to be honest, i didn't even see him get shot at first, my eyes were on something else at the time, i think, but that's my fault. nevertheless, it felt so rushed, and i'm not mad, nor do i disagree with his death, but i wish it was executed better than it was. it felt brushed over, rushed, and he was too great a character to receive a death like that. it had me saying "what the fuck??" because his death was over in about two minutes. i'm not mad about how and when it took place, because it's just like real life, you don't get to choose when you get to live or die, especially in their business.

i did warm up to him and felt sad that he could finally recognize and declare his understanding of family and what it meant to be a part of the crew and never got to experience the warmth and joy of life; however, i think its okay that he died. con is a fantastic actor and his performance was astounding every scene. i think he deserved a better sending off and lucius and pete's wedding could have waited til season three, cuz that felt brushed over too.

stede and ed's inn - i used to not love this idea, more for a personal reason, the desire to have adventure in life. to not settle down and have fun all the time, to not conform to the normality and monotony of life. i get the emphasis about the brutality and harsh reality of the violence and mentality that comes with piracy, but it felt bittersweet especially with izzy's speech about what it meant to be a pirate and zys' offer to team up. it sounded fun. fun to be at sea with your found family, (on top of stede's long term love for the sea) and they were leaving that behind and it would just be then.

i later realized that them living together wouldnt necessarily mean theyre completely abandoning their old lifestyles. theyre just taking a break from the rough and tough shit they had just gone through, and they need it to work out their relationship and find themselves. to have some time alone. they might rejoin the crew and have fun sailing and shit, who knows. but it doesn't have to be that end forever. plus i like all the fun/funny ideas the fandom has come up with for the inn.

and ive seen the theories that if buttons can turn into a seagull, he'll turn izzy into a seagull OR izzy will come back as a ghost and haunt their inn OR they'll bring him back to life with magic.

just saying, the fandom was wrong about lucius living within the secret passages of the ship, please let them be wrong about that one.

[perspectivestarters]

Perspective's Sentence Starters; SOUR by Olivia Rodrigo (Part I)

BRUTAL

I want it to be, like, messy.

I'm so insecure.

I think that I'll die before I drink.

I'm so caught up in the news.

I'm so tired that I might quit my job, start a new life.

They'd all be so disappointed.

Who am I if not exploited?

I'm so sick of seventeen.

Where's my fucking teenage dream?

If someone tells me one more time "Enjoy your youth," I'm gonna cry.

I don't stick up for myself.

I'm anxious, and nothing can help.

I wish I'd done this before.

I wish people liked me more.

All I did was try my best.

This the kinda thanks I get?

They say these are the golden years.

I wish I could disappear.

God, it's brutal out here.

I feel like no one wants me.

I hate the way I'm perceived.

I'm a nervous wreck.

I love people I don't like.

I hate every song I write.

I'm not cool.

I'm not smart.

I can't even parallel park.

Just havin' a really good time.

Got a broken ego?

God, I don't even know where to start.

TRAITOR

I played dumb, but I always knew.

I always knew that you talked to her, maybe did even worse.

I kept quiet so I could keep you.

Ain't it funny how you ran to her the second that we called it quits?

Ain't it funny how you said you were friends?

It sure as hell don't look like it

You betrayed me.

I know that you'll never feel sorry.

You talked to her when we were together.

Loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter.

It took you two weeks to go off and date her.

Guess you didn't cheat, but you're still a traitor.

I know if you were true, there's no damn way that you could fall in love with somebody that quickly.

Ain't it funny?

Remember I brought her up and you told me I was paranoid?

I wish that you had thought this through before I went and fell in love with you.

Don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me.

You gave me your word, but that didn't matter

Yeah, you're still a traitor.

DRIVERS LICENSE

I got my driver's license last week.

Just like we always talked about.

Today, I drove through the suburbs crying 'cause you weren't around

You're probably with that blonde girl who always made me doubt.

She's so much older than me.

She's everything I'm insecure about.

How could I ever love someone else?

I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one.

I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.

Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me.

'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street.

All my friends are tired of hearing how much I miss you.

I kinda feel sorry for them.

They'll never know you the way that I do.

I still see your face.

Can't drive past the places we used to go to.

I still fuckin' love you, babe.

I still hear your voice in the traffic.

God, I'm so blue.

1 STEP FORWARD, 3 STEPS BACK

All I did was speak normally

Somehow, I still struck a nerve.

You got me fucked up in the head.

Never doubted myself so much.

Am I pretty?

Am I fun?

I hate that I give you power over that kinda stuff

It's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad.

Do you love me, want me, hate me?

I don't understand.

Maybe in some masochistic way, I kind of find it all exciting.

Which lover will I get today?

Will you walk me to the door or send me home crying?

It's back and forth.

Did I say something wrong?

Maybe this is all your fault instead.

I'd leave you, but the rollercoaster's all I've ever had.

DEJA VU

I bet she's braggin' to all her friends, sayin' you're so unique.

So when you gonna tell her that we did that, too?

She thinks it's special, but it's all reused.

That was our place, I found it first.

I made the jokes you tell to her when she's with you.

Do you get déjà vu when she’s with you?

Do you get déjà vu?

Do you call her, almost say my name?

Let's be honest, we kinda do sound the same.

I hate to think that I was just your type.

Now I bet you even tell her how you love her in between the chorus and the verse.

That was the show we talked about.

Played you the songs she's singing now when she's with you.

Don't act like we didn't do that shit, too.

You're tradin' jackets like we used to do

Everything is all reused.

Play her piano, but she doesn't know that I was the one who taught you.

A different girl now, but there's nothing new.

I know you get déjà vu

GOOD 4 U

Well, good for you, I guess you moved on really easily.

You found a new girl and it only took a couple weeks.

Remember when you said that you wanted to give me the world?

I guess that you've been workin' on yourself.

I guess that therapist I found for you, she really helped.

Now you can be a better man for your brand-new girl.

You look happy and healthy.

Not me, if you ever cared to ask

You're doin' great out there without me, baby.

God, I wish that I could do that.

I've lost my mind.

I've spent the night cryin' on the floor of my bathroom.

You're so unaffected, I really don't get it.

I guess you're gettin' everything you want.

You bought a new car and your career's really takin' off.

It's like we never even happened.

Baby, what the fuck is up with that?

It's like you never even met me.

Remember when you swore to god I was the only person who ever got you?

Well, screw that, and screw you

You will never have to hurt the way you know that I do.

Maybe I'm too emotional.

Your apathy's like a wound in salt.

Maybe you never cared at all.

[the-brightest-color-amber]

To be brutally honest sometimes I can be pretty ugly, even down right mean pouring out words to scald you like boiled water and then scrubbing the wound with salt before I leave. In hindsight I can see how you found me heartless at times, picking my teeth with the bones of our issues but never maneviting the body of the weight I needed to carry and now this love we had is nothing but a floating corpse and I'm just as at fault as you for burying it alive. I too, need scapegoats and easy outs when things get tough and I'm sure you were sick of my blues blasting full throttle from the guitar of my heart with broken strings. I'm such a cliche but what else can I say there's no greater inspiration then heartache, so let me be small and cry over spiled milk a little longer. You always said I had talent. Why not be my muse. A muse for shipwrecked love letters in a bottle, the most epic love story ever written to the woman scorned, she lost herself at the bottom of the sea. You can be my shadow, let us play pretend and dance in this ball room of flames then intwine ourselves by candle light in such ecstacy we don't know where our body ends and the others begins then let's sleep and do it all again and again. Just let me have these musings, memories and glimmering hope of a passion in my pocket. Be my muse. My guilty pleasure. I'll eat your heart out, boy!

Guilty Pleasure & other musings // A.N.M

[meatballsub-senpai]

Behold, I am in your askbox again!

Tell me about Mafuyu and KAITO pls

OKAY OKAY SO

Empty SEKAI was the last one to get all their vocaloids (i should note this was over a year out-of-game after the 4th unit to finish, and even then the 4th unit to finish was vbs whose vocaloids have canonically all been there the entire time just not part of the story until later). They got Rin/MEIKO/Luka in their 2nd-4th events and then there was nothing. For ages. While all three do take from Mafuyu, Rin is more based on Ena, MEIKO takes from Mizuki, and Luka is kind of a composite character who spawned in as less of an emotional response and more of a person who will move the narrative forward.

Len and KAITO are the ones who take after Mafuyu, so it makes sense that they were the last to show up, and that they didn't show up until two of the events that were most pivotal in Mafuyu's arc: Guiding a Lost Child to What Lies Beyond (Mafuyu's 3rd event) and immiscible discord (Kanade's 3rd event). I'll skip over Len and go straight to immiscible discord.

ID is the event where Mafuyu's mother finds Nightcord on Mafuyu's computer, and then creates an account to contact Kanade, asking if she can kick Mafuyu from N25 because she's worried it will affect her grades. Mafuyu's mum really starts to crack down on Mafuyu's music activities and screentime from this point on, and then KAITO shows up in response to her buried anger.

Mafuyu before KAITO had never really considered that her mother could be a cause of the problem. Like, she feels way more comfortable around N25 than her mum, but she loves her mum and her mum loves her and there's no way this could be her fault, right? When Mafuyu is struggling with her feelings after her mum finds out about Niigo, KAITO just shows up. Like this:

He's not fucking about. Basically he walks in and immediately tells Mafuyu she needs to accept her mum is the problem and actually take action. He specifically says he's not going to "baby" Mafuyu like the rest of them. Mr Plot Progression if you will. Moreso than Luka because while she can be very blunt and honest, she's still more gentle than KAITO.

KAITO and his connection to Mafuyu is. Interesting to say the least. He was born from her repressed anger, something that even now she still hasn't quite let out. He is the one who has pushed Mafuyu's character development the most though, he helped her see the error of her mother's ways, he helped her run away, so those repressed emotions are still being expressed through KAITO (and herself, but kaito is waaaay more angry than mafuyu herself has ever expressed).

Kaito himself is pretty interesting just from looking at his mindset. He's forceful with them, but for their own good. He isn't afriad to be brutally honest with n25 and tell them what they have to do. He's the complete opposite of meiko, who leaves n25 alone and just watches them work out their problems on their own, and this is something they clash about in the current Mizuki event. Kaito wants Mizuki to open up about what she's hiding because it's what will be best for her and believes Meiko leaving her will mean nothing will ever change, but Meiko doesn't want to rush Mizuki into anything she isn't ready for and thinks Kaito's push will hurt Mizuki.

Kaito is flawed. He's angry and blunt and pretty rude, but he has n25's best interests at heart. He's just... not great at being gentle about it. He wants them to heal but he doesn't exactly get why they don't just get on with it. He sees where the issues are and what needs to be done and tells them to do it. He thinks about what will benefit them in the long run and isn't afraid if his words hurt because it's just for a few minutes, if you get what I mean.

Also in this event, he says that Mizuki needing to move forward is necessary for Mafuyu which is particularly worth noting. He does care about Mizuki's feelings, that's made abundantly clear by his confrontation with her, but he also is thinking about Mafuyu still. And I mean can you blame him that's literally why he exists. He does care about the other n25 members and the other vsingers and isn't as rude and mean and he seems (tsundere lol), but Mafuyu very much is at the top of his priority list.

Anyway yeah! Niigo kaito is cool! The only events he's in on EN currently are immiscible discord and Sayonara Persona (i forgot the official title it's like Farewell My Mask or something) but he's a major character in the Kanade event that will release on EN this December and the Mizuki event that will arrive on EN in a year. He's also in Niigo's World Link event (which will be on EN next month) but he's not that important to it.

[gentleeclipsey]

Was it worth it?

I swear to god if this is who I think it is I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm going to be brutally fucking honest about my feelings and I don't care, if you decide to read this that's on you. I have blocked you five times, there is a hint and then there's a blatant get the fuck away from me.

But, if you're not who I think you are, in some capacity I'd say yes. Fair warning, a lot of bad stuff mentioned, also a bit of a rant because I've never told anyone outside a few friends who aren't on tumblr. Also I'm sorry, this is gonna be long and disjointed, the whole thing makes me angry to an unnatural degree, I've never been this angry at someone in my life. TL;DR just below the cut:

TL;DR: my ex destroyed my mental state and Trollhunters made me realize that, now I'm single and happier for it. Now onto the rage.

I made a lot of friends despite my partner's actions, and I have characters who I absolutely love, I'm free, I feel good, I'm not scared to be alive. I'd say it wasn't worth all the bullshit I put up with. I'm angry at myself because I was so spineless, even now I still can't fucking make heads or tails of half the shit that happened.

I don't care anymore. They'll always see me as a horrible person, I did my best and I was never enough, I'd never be enough no matter how much I tried. No matter how many times I cried, no matter how many times I had to hide things from myself so I wouldn't leave new marks, no matter how many times I apologized, it'd always be my own fault and at this point I've just accepted I was fucking pathetic and horrible and I don't care. I had to spend every waking fucking moment catering to them, talking to them, and they'd get angry because I wouldn't realize what was wrong and I wouldn't fucking pry it out of them and bend over backwards for days to make them feel better. I had to ask for a break somewhere in the middle because between classes, work, and them, I was so fucking overwhelmed and I tried to explain it to them but they didn't believe me or didn't care but every time they had the chance they'd rub my face in the fact they were so hurt over the fact I needed a break to regather myself.

Mind you, their pain was more important than mine. When I first had Jackie, she was my favorite OC. I loved using her, I still do, but they hid their feelings about her for so long that when they told me they didn't like her and called my emotions toxic for being upset. When they tried to rub that break in my fucking face again I told them about the absolute painful hurt I felt over what they told me and most essentially they basically told me that pain didn't mean anything because it wasn't like their pain. I was fucking trying to craft her to be appealing to them, to make her what they wanted so we could just be happy again but they fucking threw all that out the window.

Wanna hear the best part? I couldn't fucking talk to anyone outside of them publicly, even to use Jackie with others despite the fact they hated her. I have Sage to thank, because they were the first person I interacted with publicly that made me start seeing my partner for who they were. They got so fucking mad over a short text RP, later told me they wanted me to make friends, then fucking went back on it and fucking got upset because I apparently treated people I talked to casually better than them.

They rubbed my face in the fact they had breakdowns in public because of shit they started. When I'd pass out they'd get quiet with me and have a short temper but if they passed out I had to be understanding. If they vanished for days at a time I wasn't allowed to be upset but if I vanished they'd have a fucking breakdown. I made myself be so understanding to them becsuse they were sick and they never fucking thought twice. Never. Because I wasn't sick like them that meant I always had to be perfectly fine. Always. Perfectly. Fucking. Fine. They admitted to me they tried to train me. Train me. Like I'm a dog. Like I'm a fucking dog. I cannot begin to tell you the absolute whirlwind of rage I felt in the moment I read that but I kept my head by some fucking miracle.

Trollhunters is what broke the back of all the shit that'd been happening. It started with Undertale, it ended with Trollhunters, and they took my fucking OC from me and told me for years that that OC wasn't mine exclusively, and now I don't have a fucking choice. I can't even begin to describe the absolutely disgusting anger I feel over the fact I literally can do nothing to get my OC back because they've told me for years she wasn't mine and I can't fucking remember anything clearly and I doubt myself constantly now. I cannot begin to describe the absolute disgust it makes me feel I can't do anything to fucking get my OC back and that I hate more of my OCs because of their bullshit.

To contact a fucking artist, an amazing, wonderful person fucking 5 years later and say that I stole their OC and to take down the art? What the fuck. Funnily enough, I have Jackie most specifically to thank for making me realize! Wanna know what the fuck they said to me? "I was upset because I felt you loved her more than me." I WISH I WAS FUCKING LYING. I have so few screenshots but Jesus fucking christ I cannot explain to you the absolute seriousness in which that was stated.

I cannot even begin to describe the anger I feel over everything that happened. Not in the fucking slightest. They always accused me of not loving them anymore, of hating them, when they first started saying that it wasn't true, but now I can't fucking stand the idea of them anymore. I hope they see all the shit I do now, how much I draw Jackie being happy despite their shit.

So yeah. I have Trollhunters and Jackie to thank for helping me realize how bad things had gotten, because if it weren't for my absolute hyperfocus on it I don't think I would've seen what'd happened as soon as I did. There are so many emotions in here I can't describe at all, and I know if they saw this they'd immediately try attacking me publicly. Hell they might see this because I've had to block four fucking accounts already. Five if you count discord.

I feel like I should've taken way more screenshots than I did, but I'm not going to post them, I want to move on from this but I have so much simmering rage over what's happened its taking me a while. They're not in the Trollhunters fandom, at least, they're barely on social media as is aside from lingering accounts. Trollhunters is my safe space now, as is Jackie and my closest friends.

[seriousbrat]

Can you do more hcs of Lily? Ive recently read Falls the Shadows and its amazing so far.

omg thank you so much and also good timing! I was already thinking of posting some. this is long but here you go:

let me start by saying lily wasn’t perfect. she was often insecure, stubborn (VERY stubborn), weepy, immature, wore her heart on her sleeve

i also want to say that while I don’t like the “self righteous law abiding bookworm” characterisation of lily that we used to see all the time, I actually do think she had a certain self-righteous streak but it was less hermioneish in nature and more that she was quick to leap to the defence of others. more harryish 🥲

she’s sort of similar to james in that her morals were CRYSTAL CLEAR and she’d stand by them to the death

as lily got older and more self-assured her self-righteous streak took a bit of a twist from lawful/neutral good to chaotic good in that she became much more willing to pick a fight

actually, she had a bit of a temper. Harry’s anger issues definitely came from her, as she would absolutely have blown up her sister-in-law Marge had she overheard her bullying her son. Not that James wouldn’t have been angry, but I think he would have resorted to tearing Marge down psychologically rather than a spur of a moment reaction of the sort Lily and Harry would have

lily was popular, especially with boys, but didn’t always realise it. People just liked her, as she was funny, pretty, and unfailingly kind. However, Lily had a core little group of girls that she stuck by through her years at Hogwarts. Eventually, through dating James she became good friends with the Marauders too, particularly Sirius.

During their seventh year is when Lily and Sirius developed a close bond, he was the Marauder she was closest to apart from (obviously) James. Despite their previously antagonistic relationship, they discovered that they actually had a lot in common— particularly a certain impulsiveness. He was also very brutally honest about pureblood society and how muggleborns were perceived, which Lily actually appreciated bc most people weren't

While she was initially warmer to Remus than the others, I differ from fanon in that, upon discovering Remus was a werewolf, Lily did not immediately understand it. Her view of the wizarding world was shaped by what she had been taught, and they’d been taught in DADA that werewolves were dark creatures that had to be fought. Obviously she felt really guilty when she discovered the whole truth, but this was a big learning moment for her, as well as a key shift in how she thought about the rest of the Marauders. I just don't think, particularly at that time, that those kinds of prejudices would be so easily cast off. And it's interesting to have Lily go through a bit of development of her own, like James

She was empathetic to a fault. Although she never forgave Severus, years later she still felt sorry for him, and struggled with feelings of guilt over ending the friendship. Lily attended Tobias Snape’s funeral, and that was the last time she and Severus ever saw each other.

She actually felt attracted to James for many years before they got together, though she wasn’t really aware of it, she just had a strange whirl of hormones and anger in there than made her interpret her feelings as simply very strong hatred towards him. JKR basically confirmed this in an interview once but still. Like she (correctly) thought he was a dick but somehow like… she was a little too into arguing with him tbh  

the class differences between lily and james were definitely somewhat of an issue at first. My fic absolutely will go into this but but lily, being from a humble, working class Muggle family felt like a fish out of water when she first stepped into James's world

her friendship with Severus had, unfortunately, impacted her self-worth as a Muggle-born over the years. She had always viewed Sev as inherently more talented than she was, which simply wasn't true. I mean this also had something to do with her being a girl, it was both things and Sev (without meaning to) fed into this because he ultimately believed it too

but gradually she started gaining belief in her own abilities and pride in her muggle heritage rather than shame.

[saltynsassy31]

WAHH ok ok late but here i’ll ask some random more specific questions! DX i’m not very good at coming up with them tho

what’s the relationship between Fishsticks & Hagi in specifics? :7

how did Skipper and his friends form a band again? i think i forgort

how did Emp & Skip realize they liked each other ;3? hehee

what was he like before? like before losing Marcy or getting outta the Octarian army

i’m happy to listen to anything about ur guys so if u feel like saying more please do :3

Oooooh yes! Okay that makes it easier for me to answer XD

Just- gimme a sec cuz it's gonna be LONG hope you don't mind XD

The two's relationship is kinda funny actually lol, it started as a joke as all things does with my fucking ocs lol

Hagi doesn't like Fishsticks, like, at all, and to better understand why I'll talk a little about Fishsticks

He started out as a villain in the story, he is more of an antagonist now? But isn't a full blown villain, but he still does a lot the same as before. He's bad, no doubt about it, his mindset is of that "as long as I am honest about my intentions, it isn't my fault if people decide to take on the offer"

He is honest with his work, he doesn't lie to get people working for him, brutally honest guy

He knows his work isn't good work, but it's honest work, he is a very respected man on his buisness, especially since he is willing to show mercy and care more for his workers than other bosses, which makes him attractive to work with, but just because he treats em better doesn't mean he's always a good boss either, he shows favouritism and isn't shy about it either, he still talks bad about some of them and isn't scared to show his disappointment, he doesn't punish them though, unless they try to conspire against each other or him.

He roped in Skipper in his lowest moment, he had been chasing the boy since they met and took the opportunity he was abandoned and alone to recruit him, he treated him better than his other boss after all, and he doesn't seem to notice that he took a liking to the boy a little more than he bargened for until much later.

Since the two first met, Hagi took a dislike de him, they were married and divorced the first second they met XD

They have this dynamic of annoyed X flirtatious, Fishsticks is head over heals for Hagi and loooooves to annoy him ever chance he gets and Hagi has never hated a man more (that's a lie, he hates Skipper's first boss more), he kinda begrudgingly hangs out with Fishsticks for his son, they do grow fonder over time, but he still doesn't like the work Fishsticks does, but has come around to help his lackies after a rough work day when he is called upon (being a doctor and all and the buisness they do putting them at risk if going to a public hospital)

Fishsticks recruit those in need, taking advantage of their vulnerable state, but Hagi can't deny he's also done good working considering how poor the Splatlands are and many needing work, Fishsticks determination to change the system and all, even through not so... favourable means

He's not good, but he's not bad either

As for Skipper and his friends, well, i think you already know Cherry, her being the first he met since she was working with their old boss way before he joined, she helped him a lot

The other two, El he met after Cherry "died", having been fond of their music, after they suddenly stopped producing music, with Skipper publishing a goodbye song visibly lacking his band mate, he went searching for answers. Now I don't know if he goes to Cherry or Skipper first, but I'm leaning on the idea that he met up with Skipper first, asking for him to start his band again and that he's willing to do Cherry's part, he refuses saying that no one can replace her. Some time later he finds Cherry and tells her she knows where Skipper is and reunites them, at that point he's willing to drop the band idea, but to his surprise they start up again and invite him in

He offers them protection and to help keep their anonymity being a very popular hacker in the underground community

Ame, she is found when they were looking for a drummer, no one auditioned except her, but because she was still a child they refused since they didn't want her getting involved in their work, but she persists and eventually they let her in, especially since she is good on the drums, it's inevitable she gets involved but they do their work to keep her as safe as possible

How they realised they had feelings? Honestly it keeps changing depending on what sad romance song I'm listening to XD

But for the most part, I'm pretty sure it's Skipper who does first, breaking their friendship once it starts getting a little too close after he realised that in his line of work, he'd get hurt, but he still longs for him, noticible in the type of song he writes

He still wishes for Emperor to love him regardless, he's created this version of him in his head that if Emperor knew the type of work he did, found out of what he has done, he'd leave him, he doesn't want to face that reality and leaves before any heartbreak on both ends

But Emperor chases him regardless, especially after finding out how much he truly loved the guy

But I also like the idea that Emepror loved first, and when he found out what Skipper does he is mad and they have a huge fight, making Skipper's worst fear come true and he leaves

After a while Emperor tries to forget him, they cross paths a lot, unknowing to him, and eventually get tangled up together and are forced to help each other out, still feeling bitter, but after a while, they actually talk it out and realise they still love each other, Skipper tries to part ways again once Emperor got hurt, but Emperor keeps chasing him regardless

Idk, I really like enemies to lovers and I've been trying to do that with them but it's a little hard, what I wrote is prone to change a lot, I'll be honest, I wish I had a little help with it but my friend that usually does help me with this stuff knows nothing bout splatoon lore and the manga, so it's a little hard-

And now for how he was like before? Well, he was still a very violent little thing XD he worked hard to be where he is now, my personal interpretation of splatoon is that females are the dominant species (which they are btw! It is stated several times by devs that the girls are stronger lol and even irl, female octo are the dominant ones, idk bout squids tho) as we can see being that there are only female octolings fighting

Of course there are exceptions, as we see with DJ Octavio, but I feel they have to work a lot harder to be in those positions

Which is the case for Skipper, for him to be a seaweed octoling at such a young age, he was basically a prodigy! And he loved it! He loves the adrenaline that comes with working as a soldier, he loves being seen as strong and doesn't like it when it is implied otherwise

Massive ego, but also pretty caring towards those he cares about, he wasn't afraid to show affection or show that he cared (which you can see isn't the case anymore as his old boss made him believe that showing he cared was a weakness, showing he cared for Cherry got her killed after all, and he already had some hesitancy as he had lost people he cared for, he was scared to get close again), he was pretty curious too and loved to learn about people's anatomy thanks to his dad being a doctor, as well as plants and sometimes alchemy, which led to him later be known as the guy with poison

He didn't change all that much besides being weary and depressed and having major PTSD lmao, personality wise, it's still mostly intact, he still likes to look and dress the way he does and still loves music

[smiletimeisrunningout]

"No, darling, I love to see others in relationship," she corrected him softly, because truly there was little she found more adorable than to see two people act the way her parents did. "But going fast, as fast as Mary? That's what terrifies me. My parents were impossibly lucky in that, but their first weeks together involved fighting for their lives, it's not easy to lie about your true self then. And when it comes to me... you know I trust people to be good, I'd trust friends with my life, but that... that kind of trust Mary has, giving her life to him, so sure he won't destroy it... I can only shudder. Because there are lovely marriages out there, but there are also the ones where I had to watch the wife's burial." Not as many in her kingdom, perhaps because women knew that their princess would directly act to protect them, and that had, at least for now, changed they way people approached marriage, but there had been enough that even now Emma could feel goosebumps. And some, some could not be stopped by any law.

"And yet you still…?"

Still what? She looked at him with genuine worry, because what else could he be asking, if not why then she didn't trust him.

"Do you realize how much you've helped me? Emma, these past few months..."

She shook her head, not really seeing the great 'help' she had supposedly brought, especially not now that she was clearly causing him distress. Whatever good she had done, she must have just ruined.

"the people in question just know."

She took a moment to swallow the pain his words caused, lowering her head and trying to let it go. "I don't... think my heart works like that anymore..." Emma whispered. Given the way she had approached her dalliance with Arian, expecting marriage and happiness despite him giving her all sorts of signs that he didn't like her, let alone love her, she had no doubt that if she had never met him she'd still be that naive - if not married yet, she'd have likely been trying to charm Ben with the intention of snatching him home. Now, however, she was on the opposite, extreme, side.

"But...you confess to it being the truth? You know my words to be true, and you understand there is reason to what I'm saying, so surely that means...? That perhaps one day...?"

She nodded at his first questions, she owed him the full truth, but stopped at his perhaps, because she could not give him false hope. Instinctively taking a step back when she saw him tensing up, she expected anger and then felt disappointed in herself for it, yet validated in her fear that she'd never stop reacting that way if even a man like Ben could scare her when simply discussing a hypothetical relationship.

"I'm not going anywhere. You may hate me and push me away if you so choose, but...I won't let you go through this alone. You don't have to be alone. Not anymore."

"I deserve to be alone," she replied simply, the one sentence that didn't have her voice shake with fear or pain. She was the cause of it, after all - but it did feel odd to be so brutally honest with him about that, when up until that day she had been relentlessly positive. Still, that was the truth. Ben hadn't spoken of wanting to be with her as a partner in life, so she couldn't exactly point out that she couldn't give him what he wanted, if no wanting had been outwardly expressed.

"You don't understand... with Arian... it was my fault too. I let him hurt me like this, if I saw a man act with another woman the way he did with me now, I'd beat him to a pulp. But I let him. And it wasn't even... it wasn't even that bad, I can assure you that," she shrugged helplessly, "It wasn't that bad and yet I fell apart. In ways I can't..." She couldn't tell him, could she? Her parents had never forced her to keep it a secret, but as much as being melancholic could suit a poet, a princess would be called crazy and the throne questioned. "I don't think I'll ever be able to even say the words a man should hear. I can't stop myself from waiting for pain either. If you..." she paused, and slowly tried again: "If you and I... if you and I tried... something like that... it doesn't matter how great I know you to be, the fear would come from me. And I wouldn't be able to control it, to tell myself you wouldn't hurt me. I'd still flinch. I'd still wait for it. And that's just... that's unfair. To you. Because you are..." she gestured at him and turned around to take a few steps and wipe her tears, "Look at you, you are the perfect man, and I'm the one who is broken, and it will not go away. He's in my head. He will always be in my head. Because I should have saved myself, at least, to be free, but I didn't, and I will always be the girl who couldn't."

The longer Emma spoke, the deeper the heartache that seared into her words, writhing and twisting like an unsettled snake. "I've just seen so much, Ben," she whimpered. "I know it looks like nothing has touched me, but the memories haunt me. I can't let them show on the outside, but at a time like this... I've seen too much, I think."

"It truly pains you? To see others...in any sort of relationship?" Benjamin pressed, struggling to understand. "But what about your parents? I know I've only just met them, but do they not prove true how love exists? That there can be and are positive, wonderful relationships to be had in this world?"

Emma spoke his name then, soft and distant, and with glassy tears in her eyes. Voice laced with sorrow, she explained, "It takes time to know someone. It takes seeing them the way I've seen you: happy, mad, sad, frustrated... I have no doubt that you'd treat a woman the way... any woman would want and deserve to be treated."

"And yet you still...?" Trailing off, Benjamin swallowed back the words, unsure if he could handle a candid answer -- or rather, unsure if he could comprehend the complete fear and revulsion and self-loathing. The way her body curled inward and she seemed physically repulsed by her own private horrors brought a strong ache to his throat, and on impulse, he reached up and took her face between his hands, gently stroking. "Do you realize how much you've helped me? Emma, these past few months..." He faltered again, the lump in his throat nearly strangling him. "Em, I do understand that some things take time, but then other times...well...the people in question just know. Their hearts can never be plainer than what they feel."

To his horror, the tears welled up in Emma's eyes and threatened to spill over. "I can't...trust when it comes to love. Trust a man like Mary does? When all that matters are feelings and I can forget all my worries? I can't... I can't not worry. I can't feel safe."

All at once, Benjamin dropped his hands from her face, fearing that his touch might have prompted such panic. As she continued onward in her confession, the painful throb in his heart spread, leaving him dizzy and winded as he struggled to absorb this new facet to her soul.

"I will always be afraid," she continued. "I'm too broken to be able to feel the truth in what you are saying, and as such I should not... be with a good man who is kind to me. Because I can never give him what he deserves. I hope you can see that now, before..."

Unbidden, Benjamin's heart leapt with hope, jangling about between his ribs. "But...you confess to it being the truth?" he prodded. "You know my words to be true, and you understand there is reason to what I'm saying, so surely that means...? That perhaps one day...?" Swallowing back the words, he yearned to reach for her again, but instead abruptly tamped back the urge, unwilling to corner her when she appeared so lost and forlorn. Shoulders tensing, he concluded, "I'm not going anywhere. You may hate me and push me away if you so choose, but...I won't let you go through this alone. You don't have to be alone. Not anymore."

[changingplumbob]

Foster Household: Chapter 6, Part 1

Next spin the Fosters. It may be winter but it's always like summer in Sulani. 55 year old Kayleigh and her 57 year old husband Harvey are both working on their second lifetime aspirations. Kayleigh wants to earn 300k and Harvey wants to evolve 5 perfect plants.

p.s. I'm pretty sure that's a plane in the sky, why did I not notice it earlier???

With both older sisters moved out, 14 year old Reece has a bedroom to himself for the first time since he was a toddler. His lifetime aspiration is inner peace but for now high school is at the front of his genius, outdoor loving mind.

9 year old Carson has been very busy between rotations. He has earned his last two scouting badges, for arts and fitness. Llamacorn scout aspiration achieved! His next aspiration is *runs number generator* Rambunctious Scamp (reaching motor skill level 10)

Since it's technically winter the bees are sleeping away. To be honest they normally do most of the work getting the plants to their evolving stages. First day back and the dust bunnies pop up so I guess a good vacuum has to be done today (I vacuumed IRL before I played today😅)

Harvey: So what's going on

Reece: I've decided to join the football team

Harvey: Can I come to your games

Reece: I actually don't know if other sims can watch, or if we just practice indefinitely

Harvey: If I can come, let me know

Reece: For now I need a practice partner

Harvey: They gave you a free football?

Reece: Yep

Harvey: Full disclosure, I have never thrown one of these before

Reece: Dad, relax, you have amazing fitness skill, I'm sure it'll be fine

Harvey does end up throwing the football into Reece's face however *sigh*

Charlie: Yo, anyone home

Kayleigh: Just us and 7 of Carson's friends

Charlie: I don't remember having that many friends as a child

Kayleigh: You were never a child

Charlie: That would explain it

Kayleigh: Okay kids, almost time for scouts, everyone head home

*general discontent*

Kayleigh: It's not my fault everywhere is freezing right now

*further grumbling*

Iggy: Bye Carson

Carson: Oh trash, I love you

Charlie: He's still doing that?

Kayleigh: I think as a recycle disciple he's stuck doing that forever

Charlie: SO glad I live elsewhere

Reece: Then it came to me, join the football team

Deanna: You're joining the football team in the hope that you won't get bugged about an early graduation for a few more years

Reece: Yes If I'm busy with that I'm bound to not have enough time for homework everyday

Paris: Sorry I'm late *sighs forlornly*

Deanna: What's wrong?

Paris: Who said anything is wrong?

Reece: Your face for one

Paris: Oh, I guess my make up must have smudged

Deanna: It's perfect as always

Reece: It was the frown that gave you away

Paris: The lady that runs the foster home was particularly brutal with her comments this morning

Reece: Foster home? I'm a Foster

Paris: I mean THE foster home. Did Deanna not tell you?

Deanna: I didn't want you thinking I was a blabbermouth

Paris: Oh, well, Reece, I'm an orphan

Reece: But not like THE orphan right?

Paris: *giggles* Not at all

Deanna: What do you mean

Reece: Girl, have you seen any scary movies?

Deanna: Not really

Paris: We need to have a scary movie marathon babe

Deanna: If it involves snuggling I'm in

Reece: I guess I never thought about what kids with no parents do

Paris: Sit in our rooms and sulk

Reece: I'm sorry

Deanna: What did the woman who run the home say to you?

Paris: That my shorts were too short, and some comments about my legs

Deanna: Ignore her, what does she know

Reece: Have you tried meditating?

Deanna: I don't think that helps in the moment

Reece: I'm just trying to come up with solutions

Paris: Thanks, I'll look into it. Now what was your news?

Deanna: He's joined the football team

Paris: Get out! Since when?

Reece: 6 hours ago

Paris: But I'm on the Cheer squad, does this mean we're on rival teams?

Deanna: Devin was on a rival team to Luna and they ended well Reece: I don't even see why football and cheer squad are rivals, surely we're all supporting the school

Deanna: It's high school, people get weird about things

Paris: I guess teenagers excel at being competitive

Reece: Come help me practice

Paris: Give me a N, give me an O, what does that spell? NO

Reece: Come on Deanna, you like fitness

Deanna: Fine, I'll try

Deanna: Have you practiced before?

Reece: This morning, dad threw it in my face

Paris: Cheer is much safer to practice

Reece: Have you practiced cheer today

Paris: Shut up

Deanna: Okay, catch this

Reece: He catches, and the crowd goes wild

Deanna: Now toss it back

Charlie: What shall I sculpt today

Kayleigh: Do you come visit just to grab clay

Harvey: Are congratulations in order?

Bob: Not yet, but hopefully soon, I'd love a daughter

Harvey: Daughters are wonderful

Charlie: Good answer dad

Harvey: What did you sculpt???

Reece: Enough watching, come give it a go

Paris: But my perfect long nails

Deanna: The animations don't care about your nails babe, they'll be fine

Paris: Oh, okay then

Reece: What's the worst that could happen anyway?

Paris: Concussion, face bruises, embarrassment

Reece: You don't need to be embarrassed with us

Paris: I can't just turn off being socially awkward

Deanna: Okay babe, eye on the ball

Paris: I want my pom poms

Reece: Relax, remember to breathe

Paris: *breathes deeply* okay, let's do this

Deanna: You're so wonderfully dramatic

Reece: It's coming

Paris: GAHHH

Deanna: What?

Paris: It was going to hit my face, I could tell

Reece: That's why you should catch it

Deanna: Give her a chance

Reece: Sorry, nice try. Throw to me and I'll show you how to catch it, then you just do that

Paris: Don't blame me if I hit you in the face

Reece: There would literally be no one else to blame but you

Deanna: I can see why you didn't pick cheer, you are not encouraging at all mate

Paris: *giggles*

Reece: I can be. See how I caught it, just hold your hands like so

Paris: Stop mansplaining and throw

Deanna: You got this babe

Paris: I caught it! My nails didn't get in the way

Reece: Nice

Paris: Better take a commemorative selfie

Deanna: We better get going before you miss curfew

Paris: Ducking hate curfew

Reece: Hugs!

Paris: Go womp womps!

Reece: You know it

Deanna: You should probably practice with the others on the team next time

Paris: They'll probably do better than us

Reece: I don't know about that, the practice interactions don't seem to take fitness into account

Previous Part (Goth) ... Next Part

[kaigashi]

happy 2021 and good morning/afternoon!

happy whatever time it is, inu-family, mutuals, etc! gonna work on some icons and watch inuyasha. i hope you’re drinking water since that is apparently my running joke thank you rarity. i find that hilarious because i’m a fire sign? but i think water kinda suits me too since...it  flows and is very calm and unflappable! so idk. kagome is a pisces to me finger guns. but as we’re in the new year with all our goals or just recovery, remember that it’s okay to take this at any pace you want. in your writing, in your bonds with us as a group or cross-canon pals we’re making. you know honestly i think things on this blog turned out as they should be and i wanted to thank you all since i never really sent out a 2021 note to you all about how i appreciate you in the new year we’re in! 

updates: switch is hopefully getting fixed today, gimme okami and my faves please, thankfully i can afford this so i’ll feel so much better rip! updates: am in genshin hell, will probably do a verse of kagome as a hydro user / traveling priestess with unnaturally strong spiritual power and a side quest of her being ‘blessed’ by an archon. probably the one from inazuma ! why we don’t know, probably her line is blessed or. we just don’t know. but it gives her massive...protection. although her powers are hers whatever happens to the archon.  update on fate verse: i think arjuna from fate’s arte moves? are very similar to how i imagine kagome firing her arrows as a caster would be, pure terrifying power honestly! i’m working as fast as i can to catch up for astolfo and kagome bonding. ( please forgive me haneen! you are not forgotten but on high priority! ) update on manga: slower than i’d like! my adhd has been a bit wild, but kagome and kikyo are about to meet and miroku is going to make his entrance and kay and others know that the inutachi is my favorite. though i am a kagome stan first, but what is she without her family? none of them are much without each other!

anyway, if you guys need me you can ask for my discord which you can put in the comments if you want and i’ll im you alright? i live there a lot! or just im me. be it venting, getting to know me, etc. 

i appreciate you all so much and i’m happy you’re here with me. to those i’m friends with, me at arrow point: BEFRIEND ME! i cherish our bonding even if i’ve been so slow and i hope you know time with me is not an issue nor is my fondness and care for you any less! thank you for being a wonderful safe place for me and kagome! i’m really rooting for all your 2021 goals to come kick ass!

ps. while i...don’t say this a lot? i love you guys. you are such a loving community and every kagome? every sango every inuyasha koga and those who want to be mains with me since...i pretty much will main with all of you as friends first and just give your blog a tag? are precious to me. so please remember that if you need anyone at all. i’m slow but i am one hundred percent here for you. i love you, and thank you for the joy you bring in my life.

big sis lily.

[lieutenantfloyd]

SFW Alphabet -  Beau “Cyclone” Simpson

Warnings: Mentions of self confidence (or really, a lack thereof)

Words: 1.8k

note: so many Cyclone thoughts, so little time.

a- asking (Who's the first person to confess and how does it happen?)

Overall Cyclone is quite reserved, especially when it comes to his feelings. That paired with his slight fear of rejection could honestly lead to him never confessing to you. If you're quite a bit younger than him he'll also have some self-confidence issues as he fears overstepping your boundaries and/or being viewed as the "weird old guy".

All in all, You don't have to run up to him and tell him you're in love with him, but you will definitely have to show him (pretty blatantly) that you're interested.

B - Butterflies (How they act when they're nervous.)

Cyclone is a man who all but refuses to be nervous around others. With his career, he's perfected a confident facade even in the most terrifying of situations. But if you look closely enough, you can see his usual calm and confidence slipping. In his personal life, his nerves often come across as him being cold, awkward, or even downright mean. If it's a one-on-one conversation, he's still polite but his tone becomes harsher and harsher as the conversation goes on.

c- cuddles (What is their favorite cuddling position? Do they like physical touch?)

To say Beau lives for his partner's touch is the understatement of all understatements. It's not uncommon for him to send you texts throughout the day detailing exactly how he wants to cuddle the moment he arrives home. He's not super picky on the position, except that he usually insists on being the big spoon. Although he does love it when you wrap your arms around him from behind while he cooks or gets ready for bed.

d- domesticity (Are they the type to settle down with you? Are they willing to help with chores? What is your daily routine with them?)

Beau is a provider at heart and lives to please. He craves stability and domesticity. In his mind, the dating phase is just a trial run for marriage. There's also no task or chore (around the house or otherwise) that he won't do for his family.

e- encouragement (Do they encourage you to achieve your goals? If so, how do they support you?)

He's so very supportive, albeit not vocally. Beau is a man of action, so while he may not always say how proud he really is of you aloud, he'll always be right there by your side helping you achieve your goals.

f- favorite thing(s) about you (What are their favorite personality traits/physical features about you?)

If you asked him he'd say there wasn't a single path of you he didn't adore, but most of all he loves how you challenge him. He's more than aware of his authoritarian nature and the fact he can be a bit overbearing. Yet here you are, shutting him down when he goes to far while mirroring his sarcasm. As much as his ego hates it, his heart flutters every time.

g- goofiness (Do they like to make you laugh? How often do they joke around with you?)

One of Cyclone's best qualities is how unintentionally funny he is. This man has been fed up with everyone for at least the last twenty years. Most days his sense of humor is all that keeps him sane. This extends into your relationship as well. He appreciates how he can come home, drop the façade, and just be himself around you. Assuming you encourage this (or find it endearing at the very least), he'll do absolutely anything to make you laugh.

h- honesty (Would they lie to you? How much do they share with you?)

Beau is honest to a fault. So while I honestly don't think he'd lie to you, I do think in certain situations his brutal honesty could be more offensive than if he would have just lied.

i- i love you (how fast do they say the L-Word?)

Beau feels his emotions very, very deeply and has honestly spent so many years suppressing this part of himself. Although he's known he loved you for a long time, just the thought of being emotionally vulnerable makes his stomach churn. Add in the possibility of rejection and he's 100% waiting on you to say "I love you" first.

j- jealousy (Are they the type of person to get jealous? If so, how do they react to being jealous?)

He's a jealous man, but not in the traditional way. If someone comes onto you and you completely ignore it, he couldn't care less. He'd honestly probably find it funny. On the other hand, if you paid even the slightest bit of attention to them (innocent or otherwise, he'd take it very hard. He'd ask himself what he was doing wrong, if you'd be better off with someone else, etc.

More on this in letter W

k- kissing (Where do they like to kiss you? How frequently do they like to kiss?)

He'll go for anywhere he can reach, though he does gravitate towards the classically romantic hand and cheek kisses.

l- love language (What's their love language?)

Quality time is his biggest love language followed by physical touch.

m- marriage (Do they want to marry you eventually? Who proposes to who?)

Marriage is his a major goal for him. Although he never really let himself consider it until you came along. He's pretty traditional in this area and wants to be the one to propose.

n- nicknames (What do they call you? What do you call them?)

What started out as him teasing you turned into him calling you honey almost exclusively. Throughout your relationship, it turned into hun, with the occasional sweetheart and doll thrown in for good measure.

As for what you call him, he has no real preference. There is something about you introducing him as your boyfriend/husband/partner that really does it for him, though ;)

o- openness (How much do they tell you about themselves? Do they reveal everything at once or gradually throughout the relationship?)

Cyclone is a hard man to get to know. He craves connection but has so many walls up that he just can't. The more you try to get to know him the more he'll push you away. Be patient with him and he'll reveal everything in time.

p- PDA (Are they affectionate in public or do they prefer to keep your kisses behind closed doors? Are they the type to brag about their SO?)

PDA honestly grosses him out a bit. Although it's more of an embarrassment thing than it is a genuine disgust. He's not opposed to a bit of hand holding + showing you off if the circumstances are right.

If you want to stir the pot, cup his face and kiss his cheeks. He'll flush the brightest pink.

q- quality time (how do they like to spend time with you?)

He's up for just about anything, though he does enjoy the classic dinner and a movie. He insists on cooking (he's a shockingly great cook) while you pick out the movie. He also has an extensive home library and a large board game collection that he saves for late nights and rainy days.

r- romance (Are they the romantic type? If so, how do they express their feelings?)

He's the man romance novels are written about. Romance and its gestures come as naturally to him as breathing and sarcasm.

s- security (How protective are they of you? If they are, how do they show this?)

Your safety, security, and comfort are of the utmost priority to him.

If you think he's at all hesitant to flex whatever power he holds, you're sorely mistaken. It's actually very well known to anyone within 30 miles of north island (and various other naval bases around the world) that you are untouchable. Point blank period. This bit of knowledge does make your occasional trip to The Hard Deck quite interesting...

t- turn-offs (What traits do they find unattractive?)

Mostly the general turnoffs. Though what bothers him most of all is a lack of logical reasoning and grammatical errors (in both writing and speech).

u- understanding (Are they good at sympathizing with your problems? Do they listen to you when you need to rant?)

What better person is there to go to with your problems than literal career problem solver Cyclone?   He first asks if you "want solutions or just to talk", then give you however long you need to get everything off your chest. Any advice you receive is logical and well thought out, while his sympathy provides the perfect solace for the situation at hand. If necessary he'll let you rant and rave until the cows come home. And with his own biweekly hours-long rant about his arch nemesis slash frenemy Maverick, it's only fair.

v- value (What do they value most about your relationship?)

Dependability and trust. He knows he's not always the easiest person to be in a relationship with, but he always has your best interests at heart (even if you don't see it that way).

w- wild card (A random headcanon about your relationship)

Once in a relationship with him, you quickly learned he had two very distinct sides of his personality. Cyclone is a steadfast man of unwavering conviction and confidence. On the other hand, there was Beau.  Shy, reserved, and severely lacking in the area of self-love. Seeing the complete polarity of him was as shocking as it was heartbreaking. With some gentle encouragement, you've been able to get him to open up to you and provide him with the extra love he needs. He's sure he'll never quite understand why you wake up every day and choose him, but he couldn't be more thankful you do. In his mind, he's forever indebted to you.

x- x-ray (How well are they able to read you?)

Like an open book. It's honestly a little scary just how well he's able to know exactly what you're thinking/feeling at any given moment. There have been times when he's been away on some super serious work trip only to call you mid-day because he just knew you weren't feeling 100%.

y- yearning (How well do they cope when their SO isn't with them?)

Unfortunately, he's no stranger to being alone. Before you came along he never really had anyone and lived a pretty isolated life. As much as he hates it, it's relatively easy for him to slip back into that solitary mindset. Being without you for any length of time just reaffirms how much he wants you with him forever.

z- zappy (Are they fast-paced in a relationship? Or do they like to take things slow?)

While his end goal is to settle down, as long as you're on the same page he's ok to take your relationship at whatever pace you like best.

-

taglist:

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[soulcheri]

"She doesn't hate you." She rakes her black fingernails down his chest while she sits up on his lap, nestling herself further into the open palms cupping her ass. "But, I wouldn't say she's your biggest fan right now either." At least, that's not the impression Brooke was given from their text exchange after she told Isadora what happened at the pool party.

She knew her friend was only trying her best to look out for her. But, that doesn't mean her concerns didn't trigger some self doubt. Brooke knew Isadora was right. Given all that she and Tyler have been through lately - it was wiser to proceed with the caution tape still wrapped around her heart.

At the same time, Brooke would argue that Isadora didn't really know Tyler the way she did. She knew a good portion of his story but not the whole picture, right down to every last little detail. Some of those were meant to be private, shared intimately only between the two of them. It's what made their relationship feel so special and close-knit. Besides, there were some elements to Tyler - Brooke felt inclined to protect. Like his traumatic history and upbringing, his faults and his vulnerabilities, and the parts of himself he kept hidden from everyone besides her.

"She just wants to see me happy, you know? And as much as she's rooting for you to be the one I'm with, I think she's just worried I'm going to get hurt again." To be brutally honest.... so was Brooke herself. This newfound peace she found with Tyler felt great and, amazing. But, she couldn't help feeling like the other shoe was bound to drop eventually. Nothing that ever feels this good is meant to last. It never has.

Doesn't mean they can't enjoy it while it does though. "I think we should begin our test now. Don't you?" Whilst sitting atop Tyler's lap, Brooke drags a couple of her own fingers lightly over the buttons of her pajama shirt, unhooking each one painstakingly slow so Tyler could watch as the shirt melts off her delicate frame. For his pleasure (and her comfort) Brooke isn't wearing a bra underneath. Her boobs are in full perk-mode as the cold air bathes her tender skin. And her nipples are so hard, they resemble two brilliant shades of rosy pink peaks.

Knowing how much her boobs were his weakness, Brooke puffs out her chest to make them look bigger before she takes Tyler's hands in her own and places them along her ribcage. She was urging him with her eyes to take things slow, to drink her in. Because she would be his for the taking any time he ever wanted her. Better to let the moment build into detriment highs until he can't resist her anymore and he has to tweak at least one nipple in his mouth, if not both instantaneously.

While laying beneath her small frame, Tyler relaxes and slides his hands down her back and over her ass. There's no other place he would rather be than right here. Holding her close and spoiling her with sweet kisses. He was still sore and mellowed out from their ravenous fuck at Jake's. She left traces of herself all over him. There were scratches across his shoulders and down his back, love bites on his chest, and hickeys surrounding the tattoo on his neck. The only mark he left on her was the small heart-shaped bruise above her pussy. He wonders if she'll cover that up for Gage or if she'll do her best to ward things off with him all together.

Before coming over, Tyler thought about their limits and what they might expect from each other moving forward. Personally, he made no attempt to contact Naomi despite her involvement after the fight. He should thank her for taking over the situation and giving him more time to sort things out but, the only person he could think about clearing the air with was Brooke. They still have so much left to talk about.

"I haven't told anyone, no." Tyler didn't want to risk her safety anymore than he already was by being here. Therefore, it was better to keep everyone else in the dark. Plus, he's not sure how happy Volchok is with how indecisive he's been. One minute, he's telling him they have to be careful and then the next, he's meeting Brooke at the ballet studio and making out with her. He knows about those two instances because Tyler told him. "I did tell him about the ballet studio. But only because I didn't have a choice. He saw us leaving." Tyler doesn't like bringing that night up and hopes to soften the blow by adding another kiss to her lips. "I told him about the bathroom too. I felt guilt watching him falling apart over Isadora. So I told him to go for it. Because I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you."

Tyler's always been sensitive to her neck kisses and squirms underneath the gentleness of them. His lips pull into an intoxicated smile and he laughs because he's secretly ticklish. The only person who knows this about him is Brooke - and Olivia. They were the only two people he's ever shown softness for. But that's only because Tyler and Olivia were young and inexperienced when they started hooking up.

"It's okay you told her." He lifts his chin and takes her bottom lip between his teeth before pulling her into another heartwarming kiss. It's a challenge keeping things lighthearted when all he wants to do is slide his cock into her shorts while he sucks on her boobs. But for the sake of their practice, he keeps things slow. "Be honest with me? Does Isadora hate me?" He knows the amount of influence friends have on relationships. If Isadora thinks he's garbage, does that mean she's more in support of Brooke's relationship with Gage?