#i never post about shit like this so i hope im not gonna get yelled at lol

[luvergirl-866]

something like love

part - 1

pairing - paige bueckers x azzi fudd

word count - 4.1k

c/w - language

a/n - hi!! i am so so excited to be posting my first ever pazzi fic (and also my first post on tumblr!) she’s a cute little fake-dating rom-com for yall, and i hope you enjoy reading it as much i enjoyed writing it! updates will probably be inconsistent but im gonna do my best lol. lmk what yall think!! (edit: side note, this is obviously all fiction! i’m sure paige’s mom and step-dad are perfectly good people irl, lol)

“Will you go out with me?”

When Paige asks this question during their weekly lunch date, Azzi is so taken aback that she almost chokes on her Chipotle.

“Shit, you good?” Paige asks, concerned, handing Azzi a napkin to cough into.

Azzi waves her off, swallows, and croaks, “What?”

“Hm?” Paige is staring at her nonchalantly, like she didn’t just ask what Azzi heard her ask. “Oh, that. Yeah, will you?”

“I don’t—“ Azzi shakes her head. Is she being messed with? It feels a lot like she’s being messed with. “Paige, you’re my best friend.”

“Exactly.”

“I didn’t know you…had, like, feelings for me.”

“Huh? No!” Wide-eyed, Paige shakes her head violently. “No, ‘course I don’t.”

Azzi’s stomach clenches—not in the good way it sometimes does around Paige—and she thinks Paige could’ve bothered to sound less disgusted by the notion of her having feelings for Azzi. “Funny, P.”

“I’m for real.”

Azzi frowns. “Actually?” Paige nods and Azzi wrinkles her brow, confused. “So you wanna go out with me but you don’t feel…like that about me.”

“Were you even listening earlier?” Paige playfully rolls her eyes, sitting all casually in her seat with her legs spread like she has the biggest dick on campus. Azzi usually loves it when she sits like that, but now she’s too annoyed and confused to appreciate it. “I was talking about my mom.”

“Oh.” To be fair, Azzi stopped listening a while ago, when Paige was still talking about the hot electrician that fixed her leaky sink the other day. She wasn’t aware the conversation had taken a more serious tone. “Sorry, I spaced. What were you saying?”

“I was saying she and her fuckass husband invited me home for a few weeks this summer…” Paige waits, but it doesn’t ring any bells, so she sighs and continues. “They told me to bring Josh.”

Azzi scrunches her nose. “Eww, why?”

“Because…I haven’t really, like, you know…” Paige tips her head to the side, “told them we ended things.”

“Paige,” Azzi sighs.

“I know! I know. Just, I dunno.” Paige sighs, and Azzi knows she’s trying to act chill about it even though she likely laid awake last night thinking about it. “It’s hard, y’know? They’re not like my dad’s side, they’re not like your parents. You know what they did after I told them…” Paige glances surreptitiously around the restaurant, even though they’re far away from campus and not very likely to be recognized, “everything. And if I told them about Josh and they suspected something, I don’t think they’d let me see Ryan and Lauren again.” Her eyes are wide, now, and she’s doing that thing she does when she gets mad, pinching her bottom lip between her fingers.

Paige and Josh were never actually a thing, by the way. Paige doesn’t swing that way and she’s known it for a long time. But she came out to her mom over the new year, and that phone call had ended in a seething Paige at Azzi’s door, yelling and cursing while Azzi listened, and a broken one in her bed that night, crying herself to sleep while Azzi stroked her hair.

So a couple months later Paige recruited their closeted gay friend, Josh. And they became each other’s beards, pleasing her mom enough that she could stay in contact with her younger siblings. That is, until Josh found a nice boyfriend and Paige was left hanging.

Azzi tries to come up with something to say, something comforting, but she’s not sure there is anything to say.

“And I hate them for that,” Paige goes on. “But as long as Ryan and Lauren are still kids, my parents can still keep them from me. And it sucks they’re holding that over my head but there’s not a lot I can do about it.”

Azzi offers a sad little smile, letting her silence urge Paige to go on, even though she can tell it’s hard for her.

“So, anyway,” Paige sighs, sitting back in her seat, “when Josh ended it, I didn’t wanna tell them, because I knew the calls would stop coming, the support. And so whenever they asked about him, I’d be all, oh, yeah, he’s doing great, just busy. Just bullshitting my way through it.”

“And you’ve been doing this for the past two months?”

“Umm…” Paige looks down at her fingers, counting on them, then furrows her eyebrows. “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Okay…” Azzi leans forward on her elbows. “So how does your weird question come into all this?”

“Don’t say no right away,” Paige says, giving her this knowing look she hates.

Azzi narrows her eyes at her. “We’ll see.”

Paige reaches over to whack her and misses. “Lemme explain, damn. So, when they called me last night and invited me to come home with Josh, I was like, oh, shit. And I thought of ways I could handle it.”

“Uh-huh…” Azzi watches with wary eyes as Paige bends to rummage through her book bag. “Paige, tell me you’re not—”

“Let me introduce you to…” Paige keys up her laptop and then turns the screen toward Azzi with a wide smile, “Boom!”

“Oh my fucking god.” Azzi buries her head in her hands.

“No, bro, listen! It’s lowkey impressive!” Paige taps the screen. “It’s titled Game Plan for my Summer Visit to my Fuckass Parents, featuring Azzi Fudd. By Paige Bueckers.”

“Good Lord,” Azzi says, taking a peek at the PowerPoint in front of her. When has Paige ever gone to such lengths as to create a PowerPoint before? This must really be serious to her.

“So, listen carefully.” Paige taps the screen again; it changes from the title slide to one labeled ‘First (and worst) Option’. “I put the worst part because it’s true, but it’s also a lil rhyming moment.”

“Right, okay. Just keep going, please.”

“So, this is the first option that came to mind,” Paige starts, glancing down at the screen. “This is the option where I ghost my parents and refuse to come see them at all.” She taps the screen to a pros and cons slide. “As you can see, I mostly only came up with cons.”

“Yeah, because it’s a terrible idea.”

“I know. So then we have option two.” The next slide is labeled ‘Option Two (mid)’. “I put the mid part because—“

“I get it.”

Paige shoots her a look. Azzi playfully kicks her under the table. “Go on.”

“Okay.” Paige nudges Azzi’s foot with her own, but her attention is back to the laptop. “This is the scenario where I let my parents think that Josh and I are still together by telling them that I can come to Montana, but that Josh can’t. It’d be pretty easy, and as you can see here…” she clicks the screen, “there’s an even ratio of pros to cons.”

Azzi nods sagely. Sometimes, her best friend takes a while to get to the point, and Azzi learned a long time ago that waiting it out is the best way to go.

“But there is this one big con: I can’t keep lying to my parents forever. So this option is pretty much a way to procrastinate on telling them the truth. Which takes us to the last option.”

This slide is titled ‘Third Option (THE BEST)’ along with a few muscle emojis tacked to the end. A headache forms at the base of Azzi’s skull.

“This is where my awesome idea comes in.” Paige gives her a very self-satisfied smile. “Instead of Josh, I take you with me to Montana and we pretend you’re my girlfriend for two weeks. Literally a genius idea.” She leans back in her seat, nodding assuredly to herself, and Azzi can’t help but smile because she really loves this girl. Despite how bat-shit crazy she is.

“P, I don’t—“

“Hear me out.” Paige clicks to the final slide. This pros and cons list is mostly pros, and Azzi spots many love-emojis sprinkled throughout. “We pretend we’ve been dating since beginning of March. They know you’re my best friend; we’ll pretend that after Josh broke up with me, you and I bonded and fell in love or some shit. My parents won’t be happy, but I’ll already be there with you so they won’t kick me out or nothing.” Paige frowns. “Probably.”

Ok, so, Azzi absolutely hates to admit it, but this does actually make some sense. Not that she’ll ever say such a thing out loud.

“And then they’ll realize we’re totally in love and I’m happy and even if they hate gay shit they just want me to be happy, because I’m their kid.” Paige says this last part less like a fact and more like something she’s trying to convince herself of. Azzi can’t help but feel bad for her.

“Okay,” Azzi says slowly, watching Paige tuck away her laptop. “That’s your plan.”

“Yep.”

“I’m seeing a few plot holes.”

Paige waves her off. “It’ll work. No plan of mine is gonna fail, trust.”

“And why should I help you?”

Paige gives her an easy smile, and Azzi sort of hates how confident she is. “Because I’m your best friend in the whole world and you love me.”

Azzi raises an eyebrow.

“C’mon, Az. What is there to lose?”

Azzi sighs and almost says something stupid like I’m in, but this isn’t just one of those things that she can help Paige with without thinking twice. It’ll be two weeks of torture, pretending to date the girl she’s secretly in love with while being surrounded by her homophobic family, and then having to come home at the end of the two weeks and pretend she never got to experience a glimpse of what it’s like to be with Paige in the way she’s always wanted.

It sounds like hell.

Azzi sighs again, ready to say no, but when she looks up Paige is staring at her with something more vulnerable than before, open in the way she bites her lip, her arm reaching across the table like she’s wearing her heart on her sleeve and waiting for Azzi to take it.

Azzi takes her hand, instinctually, and says, “Okay.”

She is so fucking gone for this girl.

————————————-

They don’t talk about it for two days after that. It’s not that they don’t get the chance, or that they don’t see each other—they go to the gym together both days—it’s just that neither of them seems to have the guts to bring it up. And why should they? It wasn’t too scary while they were having the original conversation—nothing too big or threatening or, god forbid, real—but as soon as Azzi stepped into her dorm after that lunch, she realized just how much she fucked up by saying yes to Paige’s crazy idea.

It would be an understatement to say that talking about it is the last thing Azzi wants to do at this point.

Paige, however, seems to have other plans, as she usually does. When she storms into the living room—where almost every single member of the UConn women’s basketball team is doing homework—she makes a beeline for the seat beside Azzi on the couch and whispers, “Hey.”

Nika leans up from the floor to poke Paige with her pencil. “No chit-chat, we’re working.”

Paige glares. “What, I can’t talk to my best friend?”

“Shh,” hisses Aaliyah, barely pulling her eyes from her laptop.

Paige flips her off even though Aaliyah is too immersed to notice, and then she turns her attention back to Azzi, bumping their knees together. “Can we talk later?”

Azzi pretends to be focused on studying. “Mm. About?”

“About…” Paige glances around furtively, “y’know.”

Yes, Azzi does in fact know, but she really wishes she didn’t. “What’s there to talk about?”

“Oh, I dunno,” Paige says sarcastically. “Specifics? Rules? Details? I prepared a whole new PowerPoint.”

“So that’s what you’ve been doing the past couple of days.”

“Yeah, turns out I love PowerPoint.”

Azzi finally cautions a glance up, and Paige is looking at her, completely serious. The eye contact seriously messes with her ability to make sound decisions.

“Okay,” Azzi relents. “As long as you’re quiet for the next forty minutes, we can talk.”

Paige, dutifully, doesn’t say a word for the rest of Azzi’s worktime, letting everyone study in peace. And that’s how Azzi ends up in Paige’s bedroom an hour later, perched on the edge of her bed while Paige struggles with her laptop.

“Okay, fuck this,” Paige says after extensive fiddling. “My stupid fucking PowerPoint isn’t loading. What the hell.”

Every bone in Azzi’s body wants to take this as a sign from God, the fact that this PowerPoint isn’t working, that they’re not supposed to do this. She wants to walk out of the room—and this agreement—for good. But Paige is her best friend and Azzi had always been too loyal for her own good, so she sighs and says, “How about we just talk about it? Y’know, like normal people.”

Paige frowns but closes her laptop regardless. “Okay. So.”

“So…”

“First off,” Paige says when Azzi doesn’t continue, “I just felt like I should probably say sorry for dragging you into this.” Paige scratches the back of her neck, always a little awkward when it comes to apologies. “I know it’s a lot to ask for.”

Azzi blinks, startled. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, well…” should she back out? If she were going to, now’s her chance.

Azzi looks down at a scab on her knee. “I mean, that’s okay.”

Paige shifts in her seat, the stool creaking underneath her. “Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’s not like this is the first time I’ve had to help with one of your ridiculous plans.” Azzi goes for lighthearted but knows it falls flat under the weight of what she’s going to have to do.

“Okay.” When Azzi looks up, Paige is staring at her suspiciously. She wonders just how bad of an actress she must be for Paige, the same Paige who hasn’t yet detected Azzi’s somewhat obvious, six-years-long crush on her, to see right through her. But then she just shrugs and continues, aloof like she always is. “So then I wanted to ask you about what you think we should do about…all this.”

“…Okay?”

“I was thinking we should get into the, like. The specifics.”

Azzi rolls her eyes. “Paige, just tell me.”

Paige gnaws at her lip until it turns white and Azzi starts to worry it might bleed, but then she says, “We need a sex timeline.”

If Azzi were drinking water, she would have surely spit it out.

“A what?” she asks, sort of incredulous. Paige has said a lot of crazy things before but nothing quite like that.

“Okay, my bad, weird way to put it.” Paige grins as if all of this is funny to her. “What I mean is we need a story to tell my family, our friends. Like, why did we start dating? When was our first kiss? What’s our song? Have we, you know…gone to the penthouse and freaked it?”

Azzi throws herself back onto the bed. Paige’s bed. Which she is just now realizing is probably going to be the bed that many of these fictional events are going to take place in. “Paige.”

Paige is giggling now, which is endearing because Paige doesn’t giggle often. If only it weren’t at Azzi’s expense. “We need to figure it out, for real! People are going to ask questions.”

“People are not going to ask those kinds of questions.”

“Um, excuse me.” Paige stands and walks over until she’s at the bed, pulling Azzi’s legs off the edge playfully. “Have you met our friends? KK’s not shy with that shit.”

Azzi’s ankles instinctively go around the back of Paige’s thighs, but she’s in a certain mindset due to their current conversation and the casual gesture suddenly seems much less innocent than usual. She unwraps them, pulling her legs from Paige’s grasp as discreetly as possible. “So we’re planning on telling them we’re dating, too?”

Paige shrugs. “Yeah. You weren’t?”

“I don’t…” Azzi straightens up as Paige sits beside her, their hips touching. “We spend every day with them, P. Don’t you think it’ll be hard to keep up the act that much?”

“Yeah, probably. But that’s also why I wanna do it.” As usual, Paige sounds completely sure of herself. “We only have a couple weeks until Montana and I wanna make sure we get enough practice acting like a couple.”

Azzi still feels uneasy about the whole thing, but Paige is right—they can’t get onto a plane as best friends and get off it a convincing pair of girlfriends.

Azzi’s face heats at the term. Girlfriends. But that’s what they’ll be, isn’t it?

“I was thinking we’ll tell them next week,” Paige says. “We’ll ask them to hang out and then drop it on them that we’ve been dating since March.” Paige must recognize the look on Azzi’s face, because she puts a hand on her knee—which does absolutely nothing to help. “Is that cool with you?”

Azzi can’t say all of the things she’s thinking right now, so instead she settles for, “Yeah, no.” She pauses, her feet on Paige’s fuzzy carpet, and decides this will be the last time she lets herself doubt this.

“I think that’s perfect.”

————————————

One week later, three Saturdays from the end the school year, Azzi sits with a bowl of popcorn in her lap feeling like she might hurl.

“Why are you acting so weird, Fudd?” KK asks, and Azzi startles at her name, looking at the freshman who’s sitting on the floor in front of her and giving her a weird look.

“Leave her alone, Camera,” Paige says, settling into the couch next to Azzi. “What movie we watching?”

They are all crammed into a dorm, as they often are, excited for a chill team movie night in the midst of finals season. Little do the girls know, they will be getting entertainment from more than just the movie tonight.

“No, KK’s right,” Ice says, scrolling through Netflix on the TV. “Azzi’s been acting super weird.”

Azzi, somewhat offended (she thought her acting skills were pretty decent) looks around the room for help. Instead, the girls all just nod their agreement.

Paige nudges her and raises her eyebrows, and Azzi knows exactly what that look means.

“You don’t have to tell us what’s up if you don’t want,” Inês says from her place on the other side of Azzi, dipping her hand into their shared popcorn. It almost makes Azzi want to back out.

Almost.

Putting on her bravest face, Azzi nods and turns to face their friends. “Paige and I have something we’d like to tell you.”

There’s something odd about the silence that follows this, the way the girls on the floor look at each other before turning their bodies to face the couch, the stragglers sitting in the loveseat and at the dining table leaning forward almost imperceptibly.

Azzi tenses up as she is suddenly under the scrutiny of eleven other girls. How is she going to lie to them? How is this ever going to work?

Paige, through some form of best-friend-telepathy, senses Azzi’s struggle and places a comforting hand on her back. “I can say it.”

This isn’t what they practiced, but Azzi is too grateful and too distracted by the hand on her back to worry about going off-script.

“We’ve been wanting to tell y’all for a while,” Paige says. “But we also wanted to just keep it to ourselves for a little bit.”

It sounds so natural, and effortless, and Azzi can feel herself slipping into this role for the first time. She pretends the hand on her back is more than friendly, the nerves in her stomach are something other than guilt, the things Paige is about to say are true.

If one good thing is going to come out of any of this, it’ll be this feeling of contentment that Azzi will get to have, at least for a little while. And maybe she’s okay with that.

“Do you guys remember that party we went to a couple months ago?” Paige asks. Her nails scratch over Azzi’s shirt, making her shiver.

“Yeah…” Nika says at the table in the corner. Aubrey rests her chin in her palms, looking suspiciously like she’s trying not to smile. For some reason, Ice and KK are clutching each other’s hands.

“Well, when Azzi and I got home we just decided to stay together in her dorm…” Paige trails off like she’s hesitant to continue, and half the girls lean closer to them while the other half look a little too relaxed. Ice is now glaring at KK, who’s…beaming?

“Something happened between us that night.” Paige looks at Azzi now, and even though this is what they were supposed to do the look in her eyes still takes Azzi’s breath for just a moment. She has dreamed of Paige looking at her like this for years, and now it is finally happening, and Azzi thinks she would do anything to make this all real.

Paige opens her mouth to continue, but before she can, KK jumps to her feet and squeals, and Ice throws the remote on the ground with an angry, “Fuck!”

Azzi and Paige both startle, and Azzi loves the way Paige’s hand fists up her shirt in surprise, but then the notices that all the other girls don’t seem surprised or confused at all—rather, they all seem to be having similar reactions to KK. Nika and Aubrey are even singing something, and Inês has jumped up from her spot beside Azzi to join the others in what looks a lot like a celebration. Why are they all chest-bumping each other?

Finally, Azzi finds it in herself to speak. “Guys, what…?”

KK kneels to wrap her arms around a sulking Ice and looks at them both, eyes glimmering. “Whatchu mean, what?”

“I don’t…” Paige releases Azzi’s shirt, her hand falling to the seat behind her. “We haven’t even finished telling you yet.”

“Are y’all actually this dumb?” KK asks, before squealing in Ice’s ear and then throwing herself onto the couple on the couch. “Ugh! I’m so happy for you two lovebirds.”

“Lovebirds…?” Azzi asks, but the room is too raucous for her to be heard and when she looks at Paige, all she gets is an equally confused head shake in return.

“My babies are growing up,” Aubrey says, wiping an invisible tear, and Aaliyah comfortingly pats her shoulder.

“Baby,” Amari says, smiling at the both of them, “we have known.”

“Uh,” Paige says, thrown off for once in her life. “How?”

“Because y’all are the most obvious fucking couple in the country,” Ice chips in. She is still pouting, even with Ayanna patting her on the head and Jana rubbing her shoulders.

During the past week, Paige and Azzi have been dropping a few hints here and there in the hopes that they could almost ease their friends into it before telling them, to make things more believable. But obvious? Obvious enough for all of them to know? That’s a stretch.

Apparently thinking the same thing, Paige laughs awkwardly, trying to regain some semblance of control over the situation. “We thought we were pretty good at hiding it.”

“Yeah, right.” Caroline flicks Azzi’s forehead good-naturedly. “KK and Ice have had a bet running for, like, six months now.”

At this, Azzi tenses up, and Paige turns to her, gives her a cautious, confused smile. “That long?”

“I started the bet, of course,” KK pipes in. “You two are so in love.” She sighs dreamily and then nudges Ice with her foot. “You owe me my five-hundy, girlypop.”

“You didn’t even actually win, this doesn’t count,” Ice grumbles. “We made the bet six months ago and they only started dating in March. And also, I thought they’d be way too pussy to tell us yet.”

Paige perks up at this, her unusual awkwardness gone as fast as it came. “Hey! I ain’t pussy about nothing!” and KK chimes in with her own protests of, “Girl, boo! It does too still count, you’re just a sore-ass loser!”

Azzi can’t bring herself to say anything, because their teammates believed Azzi and Paige gave been dating longer ago than this arrangement was even brought up. And that means they must have seen Azzi’s feelings for Paige, and whatever the other side of that is, and they don’t really act like a couple, do they?

“Anyway,” Ice continues, a little less pouty now, “I totally thought I’d have to walk in on you two fucking or something before you ever really came clean.”

Azzi squeezes her eyes shut. Paige’s fingernails dig into her back a little bit.

“I actually can’t believe none of us have walked in on them fucking yet,” Nika muses, and the room quiets down a little, everyone mumbling their assent.

“Maybe they’re celibate,” KK reasons, then fixes them with a look. “Are y’all celibate?”

Paige laughs, and then bends close to Azzi’s ear and mutters, “Told you so.”

For the rest of the night, Azzi’s neck is hot.

This might be more complicated than she thought.

[emotionaldamages]

soft launch or hard launch - max verstappen

in which shes in a secret relationship with a certain redbull driver

social media au

part one| part two

note- this is my first time writing so it might not be as good, but hope you enjoy♡

masterlist

Liked by lewishamilton,maxverstappen, and 1,132,753 others

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[yamamasjumpercables]

Not Our Time

Cheater!Chris!Sturniolo x Fem!Reader

Warning: Wrist grabbing, cussing and that’s it

a/n: this took a while, hope you guys enjoy it

You were tired of it. The lying, sneaking, yelling, arguing. Everything. You found out Chris has been cheating on you 2 weeks ago. You loved Chris so much that you tried your best to see it through, pretending that it wasn’t true. Last week after you found out You went to confront Chris about the whole situation but, he kept brushing it off. Telling you that it was before you guys knew each other and there was nothing to worry about. You knew better than to trust what he said. Chris knew he couldn’t have his cake and eat it too, but he never felt the need to quit his ways.

Right now You and Chris were currently in his room trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. Chris’s phone was in your hand, the messages between Chris and some girl displayed on the screen. Tears were threatening to roll down your face, but you needed to be stern to get through to Chris. “Y/n it’s not what you think” Chris said running his fingers through his hair. “Then what the fuck is it Chris, cause it looks like you cheating on me” You said putting your hands up in defense. “I’m not cheating on you that was a long time ago you are just being delusional” Chris says annoyed. “CHRIS DONT FUCKING LIE TO ME, THIS WAS 10 FUCKING MINUTES AGO ” You say yelling. “YOU ARE DOING TO FUCKING MUCH SHES JUST A FRIEND” Chris says yelling back. “Oh she’s just a friend, I didn’t know friends sends nudes to each other” You said sarcastically. “YOU ARE FUCKING CRAZY Y/N” Chris says yelling at you. “IM CRAZY, YO BITCH ASS CHEATING ON ME WITH A REJECTED VICTORIA SECRET MODEL AND IM CRAZY” You say yelling while getting in Chris’s face. “First of all watch your tone with me, I’m not one of your delusional ass friends who you can talk to like that” Chris says grabbing your wrist. “You are a fucking joke Chris” You say yanking your wrist back from his grip. “So what now you’re gonna break up with me” Chris says crossing his arms. “Yes exactly what I’m gonna do” You say laughing a little. “Wait wait you can’t be seriously willing to end this relationship over this” Chris scoffs getting worried. “Well no it’s not just that, you treat me like shit and act like I don’t mean anything to you so why stay” You say passionately. “Baby, don’t leave me I’ll change” Chris says walking towards you grabbing your hand. “That’s what they all say Chris” You scoff. “I mean it I won’t do it again, I’ll cut everyone off, I’ll treat you better, I’ll give you anything you want, I’ll give you more attention just don’t leave me Y/n” Chris says, voice breaking. “Chris I will always love you, but I can’t sit here and let you treat me like this anymore” You say, a tear rolling down your face. “I can do better I can change for you, I just need time” Chris says putting your hand to his face for your to hold. “I can’t sit and wait for you to be a better person Chris that’s something you have to do on your own, we were right for each other once hopefully we can be right for each other again someday, but it’s just not our time” You say crying. “Y/n please give me another chance” Chris says grabbing your waist pulling you closer to him. “I can’t Chris we have to be apart for a while, until you learn how to respect Me and Yourself” You say rubbing Chris’s face with the pad of your thumb. “I love you Y/n” Chris says as his voice breaks. “I love you too” You say before giving Chris a long passionate kiss. “See you around Chris” You say giving him a final kiss on the cheek and walking out of his room, on your way to start a new life without him. Leaving Chris with his regrets

I haven’t posted anything in a while plus I want to start posting more Chris fics 🧎🏾‍♀️

[boozles]

Let’s just condense this into one post, eh?

- Kant not even tucking Bison in made me sad? Like, we know you’re not in love with the dude, but come on. Don’t just leave him splayed out like that!

- OMG Style waking up after having a wet dream about Fadel, he actually likes him him now 🤣

- “a boy actually” like I love how Style is so confident, but how does a parent forget your sexuality? Is that a thing?

- haha! Not Fadel actually looking for Style. He’s probably torn between “what’s he up to now? I am not down for this bullshit” and “shit I hope he’s okay”

- “I only accept apologize in fries” that shirt gives me a headache. I need it to terrorise people.

- At this point I feel like despite knowing he was gay, Style has undergone a sexual awakening. Even if he wanted to quit the bet he couldn’t because now he’s been suckered in

- OMG BISON SPOTTING BRUISES ON BABE. HES GONNA GO AFTER SCHOOL BULLIES ISNT HE?!

- Style is an absolute lunatic. I never dreamed I’d ever like a Dunk character but HERE WE ARE

- hunting down school bullies together; is this gonna be the start of Kant being like “wait what am I doing I’ve actually fallen for this little psycho”

- oh shit. Angry big brother Kant is hot. We all know I love sibling shit but I didn’t expect this.

- back to breaking into cars. I love it, he’s like FUCK WITH MY BROTHER I’LL FUCK WITH YOU

- I AM LAUGHING SO HARD BECAUSE AS SOON AS I YELLED “PEDO!” AT THE SCREEN BISON SAID “BINGO” AND NOW I FEEL LIKE IM PART OF THE GANG

- I’m assuming that Bison doesn’t do a lot of fighting during his and Fadel’s missions 🤣

- Style, please stop showing up to the support group. (I’d like to question whomever wrote these scenes because they are not only uncomfortable but really disrespectful and offensive.)

- Style, you are not pregnant.

- KANT AND BISON ARE BOYFRIENDSSSSS

- oh, Kant. You’ve started to fall for him for real, and he’s going to try and kill you one day.

- was that “I don’t like you” speech Fadel’s version of Katherine’s poem? Because I kinda liked that.

- oh. Awkward handjob in a dead plant nursery. Wasn’t expecting that.

- looks like I don’t need to defend the Fadel/Bison shippers anymore; we now have confirmation that they aren’t blood related.

- yes, Kant, let’s make the situation even worse by making Style try to get information.

- OMG Kant is so fucking manipulative

- THE WAY FADEL SLIPPED DOWN THAT SEAT TO SIT BEHIND STYLE

- AN EXBOYFRIEND APPEARS OUT OF NOWHERE

- KANT IS YOU DARE CHEAT ON THE TINY ANGEL BABY BOY THAT IS BISON I SWEAR I WILL-

- James is gonna die. Hopefully.

- also, who the fuck blackens a tattoo behind the ear? You cover it up, you don’t just fucking blacken it.

- no more K’s on people or else Bison will change it to ‘kill’. I love this little psycho.

- “YOULL BECOME BURGERS YOURSELF” I AM IN LOVE WITH THIS BOY

[xiii-e]

for Xie i hop u have a good day

for Lio...

i read wut you said. im gald i dint make things worse. sometimes i do that by accident

i didnt know i could hate HA anymore than i already did. i know its how hard it is for a regular person to get through there stupid bullshit program first hand, so i can only imagine how hard it is when they bake that shit into ur jeans or whatever.

HA made me a monster. they trained me and they changed me 2 be 1. i talked about what an enkidu does to u last night on another post... they filled me up with so many stims i could barely think most of the time, and they yelled at me wen i did anything other than kill for them.

im still the monster they turned me into. my BATTLERAGE never left. when i go too long without TEARING shit apart with SLAG KITTY i start to lose it. the stinging in my head starts again and it gets itchy and angry in my head. i MAUL because i have to and its a part of waht i am.

but that isnt all i am anymore. since the fuckers left me 2 die better people helped me learn to be a person again. I hav friends now and i liek exploring places and i think grils r like really really really pretty... im a whole person and im not just the part me they made.

I think Xie will always be a medic. their instinct to help people and make them stop hurting is baked in. but ive seen other parts of them too and theyre parts i really like. i think those parts will grow. specially once you manage to get them out of ther. i know you already know this, but i think itll maybe help to know that some1 else knows it 2

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

◂▸ Hey Sally- Xie's doing better than they were, having some quiet time in their room. They had a rough dream over their nap, head's giving them trouble, but! They're doing better now. They say hi :]

◂▸ ... yeah, you're not wrong there kiddo. Programming and conditioning can fuck with anyones head, but part of why they do these high-control Projects with us flashclones in the first place is because it's just- easier. No outside experiences to influence your subject, no family or history just... whatever you designed, floating in a tube. It's more expensive to custom-build a soldier than to just use fascimiles or vulnerable citizenship, but the payoff is the control. 'Specially if you bake in some behavioural quirks that back up what you wanna do. A predisposition toward anxiety, for instance. Uncontrolled empathy. Aggression, in some of the earlier models.

◂▸ Remove the ability to play god and fuck with someones genes directly and- yeah, stims. That horror show the Enkidu puts you through. I'm sorry they did that to you kiddo, they had no fucking right to- you already know that too but, likewise. Someone else knows that too. I don't think you're a monster, I think you're dealing the best you can with a problem you never should have been forced to deal with. They made it so the only positive association you got for years, was with violence. Course that's gonna be near impossible to kick entirely.

◂▸ ... makes me real happy to hear you talk about the parts of yourself you found after you got out, kiddo. Sounds like you understand stuff better than a lot of folk out there, and that- that probably comes from experience. You happy out there? You mention people helped you learn to be a person, after HA abandoned you in the field, mention you have friends now. That's real good to hear about. People who get it make everything managable, I think. You're a good person to know, Sally- I'm real glad you and Xie got talking. I know they're happy bout it too.

◂▸ I- I really hope I can get them out of here, one day. That's the first challenge, isn't it? Hope I can be there to see who they find within themself, once the job isn't bleeding them dry. Hope you'll be there to see it too. They'll always be the kind of person to put their own needs last, always be succeptable to that guilt they've been wired with... but I think that'll be managable. Once they've got people who don't want to see them hurt. People who can actually do something about it.

◂▸ Thanks kiddo. Just let me know if you ever wanna talk, yeah? I've got some experience helping folk deal with the quirks conditioning can leave you with. You have anything along the lines of a chewtoy? Can help with minor aggression impulses sometimes, having something to tear at.

[ Helios-8 ]

//

[420technoblazeit]

idk why i assumed that john and arthur were eating like. rats or smth down in the prison pits. the confirmation that they were eating human bodies is so fucked up

'it's coming from the floor' me when there's a tictac heart or hwatever edgar allan poe said

i cant believe we've unlocked colonel sanders harlan guthrie

literally every 5 seconds arthur's like i miss john. where's that post that's like he talks about his ex so much im starting to miss her too

he misses his bitchass wife ur honor

oh it's been so long since we've done the whole 'see a person's last moments' thing that i forgot they could do that

i had to check the transcript here to make sure i wasnt imagining htings hey what the fuck is this??? who's the woman????????

ik yellow's kind of trying to manipulate arthur but from some of their conversations i get the feeling he's also trying to figure out like. what could have driven john to sacrifice so much for arthur if that makes sense. it must be jarring being a broken off piece of an eldritch entity, knowing that another piece of you learned to love and care for a mortal, but not understanding how or why. maybe there's hope for him yet

it's also kind of bittersweet because i think arthur's kind of given up on changing yellow in the same way he did john. he said already that he'd send yellow back if he helped him find anna which tells me that he doesnt believe in his ability to help yellow find his humanity. he's given up on this piece of john. it's kinda sad actually especially if john doesnt come back or at least not the same. i hope john never finds out about this bc i think itd b really upsetting to him

fuckkkkkkkk he picked up the flute that thing's totally cursed. that dead old man's gonna haunt us now or smth

can you fuckign imagine if larson walked in like. 30 seconds earlier and heard arthur monologuing about how he killed and ate a man in the prison pits to survive and enjoyed it. id b like hm. mayb i should kidnap someone else

the fact that he felt so guilty about this act that he lied to john and said it was necessary for their survival really speaks to how highly he thinks of john now i think. we've come a long way from the first couple of episodes where john was yelling at arthur to shoot that man in the office

i have to start keeping track of arthur's permanent injuries there's a piece of his right ear gone now ig

not liking hte eagerness in yellow's voice when larson talks abt the gods. we do NOT want this piece of an eldritch god getting ideas abt ruling over humanity jesus christ

'do you want another voice in your head?' guy who now has his SECOND piece of an eldritch entity sharing a body with him: 'you can do that???'

lameass name, wallace. fuckign loser. let's kill this bitch arthur. not just bc of his dumb name also bc of yk. the filicide

NOT THE FUCKIGN MUSIC BOX WE REALLY GOTTA KILL THIS GUY NOW CANT HAVE SHIT IN THIS PODCAST

LOVE the visual of uncle dragging arthur half conscious across the floor and arthur is just beside himself with relief bc john's finally back. oh he's literally sobbing i love him sm

[moomeecore]

hey, i hope this isnt rude, but i value your thoughts on betty (and simon!) and i think about your various analytical pieces often.

so i hope this isnt too vague, but. ive been thinking about the ways betty and simon might differ from each other, specifically in the way they view...everything. do you think one of them has a 'sees the big picture but misses the small details' view and the other has a 'gets lost in the details, cant see the big picture' view? im not sure if they differ here, or if they are both the 'gets lost in the details' but going opposite ways...?

FINALLY getting around to awnsering this. i got sick so it took me even longer than i thought it would (had to wait until i could retain coherent thoughts)!!

Ok So, a lot of this is extrapolating (esp for betty) and goes very into more of a headcanons and Personal Interpretations area than a, like, canon analysis. in part bc the show dosen’t give us a ton of content of these characters (i mean, there’s plenty of simon content as ice king but im talking about pre and post ice king simon here). but yea im just gonna ramble. dont take this super seriously btw guys. again a lot of this is just personal Interpretation yknow

SO i think simon is definitely a “gets lost in the details guy”. at least like, overall. that man overanalyzes things until he goes into a state of paralysis and then he just passes out. in some ways he might better about this post being-freed-from-the-curse, on the basis of "had to survive the apocalypse by thinking on his feet", but also worse about it bc of the lasting impacts of having been ice king. because one of the Big Things about ice king is that he almost never thought anything through and just did things as soon as he thought of them. i think simon probably really wants to be Not Like Ice King and so might be scared of making choices too fast or acting too impulsive. i imagine he’s very worried about behaving like ice king and thats something thats in the back of his mind most of the time, impacting his confidence in his own choices & actions. but also f&c sorta shows that he has that issue of trauma responses causing him to have emotional outbursts and make quick decisions. so thats something to keep in mind.

i think he's, like stuck in a state of being scared to do things without thinking really hard abt them but then sometimes he does that and then he usually regrets it and feels really awful afterwards. not always guilty-awful even. f&c seems to show him feeling angry a lot. to me simon deals not just with guilt over being ice king or recovering from being ice king or Having strong reactions to things or making choices he regrets… but also with Anger At The Situation - a lot of feeling confused and not sure what to do and overwhelmed, i think . (i like that they let him be angry and frustrated, not just sad and depressed. i think this is very realistic to trauma related emotional responses)

the other thing abt simon is he tends to follow other people's lead on a lot of things. i think he just likes not having to deal with the pressure of making decisions. he seems more inclined to lead around f&c than around, like, finn, though. and betty. but i think that’s in part because he was taking on a protector role w them. but yeah. he does a lot of crazy shit in f&c but very noticeably does not really act as a lead decision maker. until they get to the vampire world and they get attacked for a second that man is yelling orders and breaking a chair over his knee and pulling out a pocket knife to carve it into a stake lighting fast. which i loved that. i loved that he gained so much confidence from being in Panic Mode when confronted w vampires Because those where something he had to deal with in the apocalypse when raising marcy. he had to know what to do for marcys sake. other than that tho he's usually making suggestions at most. and agreeing to do scary crazy shit lmao . EXCEPT he decides on his own in secret to try and contact golb . hehe (motivated by wants to see his wife)

(it also seems like when he feels more confident in something he's much more capable of making choices. (makes sense) he wasnt paralyzed by anxiety when going on that research expedition with betty, probably because he was literally getting a phd (or had a phd, the show was so weird abt that) in that subject. makes sense he knows what he's doing. and also is interesting bc in ep2 of fionna and cake when he goes on an Adventure with finn he's very scared and nervous, but then talks about how he "used to be quite the adventurer in [his] day", which fits into the theme f&c had w his character where he feels out of place and less confident bc his whole ass profession isn't really relevant anymore, and everything is so different from how it used to be. so yeah. current simon has even less self confidence and confidence in his own decision making than Back In The Day simon bc of that)

id like to say that…. i think that the fact that it took betty only a few years to summon and eldritch god to free simon from his curse meanwhile it took simon 12 years to get to the point where he kidnapped a guy to use in a summoning ritual to talk to betty is interesting. bc i really do think they both love each other, and are both obsessive and co dependent. but betty went off the deep end so fast, meanwhile simon took a lot longer to do something comparatively Less Evil for betty. i think that a lot of this is because simon is just less confident in his choices, more nervous about making decisions, and *slower* at making decisions. in part because of a obsessive focus on details (i also think a buncha other stuff contributed to the difference in how long it took betty vs simon to do differing levels of fucked up shit for eachother but Yeah that’s the relevant part.)

i wouldn't say betty is a "think about the big picture, ignore the details" person though, necessarily. maybe compared to simon she is, but she's still a huge fucking nerd. she's an academic! to me she's someone who takes issues and situations that are more subjective and translates them into concretely structured language in order to guide herself through what actions she should take (my friend responded to this with “so what youre saying is betty took a philosophy class and was like ‘aw yes! Math!’” and yeah that is exactly what im saying)

i feel like canon sort of implies this, and definitely doesn't Not Imply It, but i also think canon didn't flesh out her character very well, so in a lot of ways im making my own assertions. but i think she's the type of person who likes to view things in ways that are ....not necessarily less complicated, but more concrete? like she can handle an uber complicated math problem with ease, but the way a math problem is complicated is entirely different from the way a social interaction is complicated, you know. and she's way better equipped for the first one.

so, basically, i think betty would be like: Dosent see the bigger picture.... but in a different way from simon, where instead of getting caught up on and overwhelmed by all the little details, she picks a specific angle to view the situation and then focuses on That, often to the detriment of viewing things from a wider, more complex and nuanced perspective. so better at seeing the bigger picture than simon, but still can miss a Lot…

i also feel like she leans towards viewing things as "identify a problem/issue, then find away to eliminate it" and "identify a goal, and find a way to reach it" . like i feel like she'd tackle social and personal situations in this way. it's not like she can't do things for fun or anything, but like, if she upset simon she'd go into Solving A Problem Mode and be like: “The issue is Simon Is Upset. The goal is Make Simon Not Upset. First i have to identify Why simon is Upset, and then how to make him Not Upset. This is The Current Goal I Must Complete.” like, not in an abstract sense. like shes literally narrating that to herself. i think she likes to focus in on  "what's wrong here and how do i fix it" as opposed to dwelling on emotions and exploring nuance. (which may be a contributor to how she ended up in that “there’s so little me left anymore” state by temple of mars: she was so focused on Fixing the Problem that she didn’t allow herself to really process her feelings too deeply and that took a toll on her mental health.)

simon is maybe more aware of nuance, which could be part of why he gets caught up on details because he's like "this CANT be properly categorized into something more straightforward, there's actually a billion TRILLION little details and that is stressful". like simon desperately wishes things could be simplified down more but is usually like "actually no, a million things are happening actually". he's like me he would get upset if asked to rate his pain or feelings on a number scale at the doctor (i can’t do that shit for the life of me. Those things are far too complicated to put on a number scale in my eyes). meanwhile betty just will force things into concrete categories and steps and factors that Make Sense To Her with intense fervor and if she starts to have a "this is too complicated to address" moment she feels threatened and then tries very hard to reprocess things in a way that is easier, or just does her best to ignore the things that make stuff too complicated to address

i think betty tends to view things in medium-sized chunks that incorporate some but Not All details in a situation, and that she cares about small details and being thorough but feels like accomplishing the goal is the most important thing, so is willing and able to make a quick decision if she feels it's the only choice. like. she had a limited time before the portal closed, and she chose to jump through it, because she thought "the problem is that im not with simon. simon is on the other side of the portal. ill go there" it's not that she doesn't like to think things through. she loves to think things through! its just that OVERALL she is a Doer who wants to solve the problem and thinks taking action and doing something is way better than sitting there and missing an opportunity. betty will think through the details if she has time, but if she doesnt, she just breaks things down into whatever is most easy to digest and process, and then takes the option that seems.like it will get the most desired outcome based on the available info. and also shes just very confident and headstrong. and THATS.  why she punched bella noche

In my eyes betty likes having rules and defined, structured processes about what to do or how to deal with stuff. and she dosen’t really like changing those. she's very autistic. she hates change i think. so does simon. but i think that simon would be more likely to be like: the change in situation is so upsetting that it's making it harder to think and process things, so he just gets overwhelmed and has an even harder time addressing whatever is happening or comprehending it. meanwhile betty is quick to try and find the easiest way to rerout her thinking to fit the new change, she's just really fucking pissed off and stressed out about it (part of this to me is she hates feeling powerless & hates feeling like she might fail). she copes with changes in her surroundings by finding a way to connect the changed situation as well and as fast as possible with her pre existing methods of tackling situations. i think bettys also worse at handling changes in people than changes in situation. to quote my friend when we where texting about this “Situations dont have feelings”.

Like. Betty has so many skills. so much knowledge. but isn’t great with people. And she gets to know people and figures out how to understand them and then THEY CHANGE??? ILLEGAL. and so… like…this is literally her whole thing with simon!! elements seems to imply that betty originally views things as "simon is cursed, i have to fix the curse". but when she makes an attempt to meet simon where he’s at and try to interact with him as ice king, she is unable to handle it. she is upset that he is different, so much so that she concludes the only way to view things is to see them as separate people, even though it was implied that she wasn't doing that before! she was approaching it like he was Simon With Memory Loss…..but then she does her villain betrayal scene and now she's all "things will be back to just me and simon, and you won't exist" . meaning before she directly started interacting with him, she was able to view him as simon, but when she did interact with him for an extended period of time and found out how different he had become, she felt so threatened by this that the only way she could handle it was by switching her view in order to not have to confront the idea that simon could have changed that much. it also meant switching her view to a place where she would be okay hurting simon. but when he starts to protest, get upset, ask what's wrong, and worst of all, insist that he's worthy of respect, that starts to stress her out and she has to talk out loud to herself to reassure herself that she's doing the right thing

and in that scene simon goes "i don't know who this simon guy is, im ice king", which i think is a Big line - he's responded to simon in the past, but doesnt always. Like. he's inconsistent in whether or not he's aware that's a way of referring to him, which makes sense bc he seems to have memory lapses where he remembers things fine one minute and forgets them the next, them remembers about them way later. anyway having him say that simultaneously provides a Confirmation of bettys new perspective, but it also… isn’t meant to. i feel like, to the audience, its saying that "simon has changed so much, he's entirely different now. and this is the way things are, and betty should accept this, but she cant" . to betty its telling her she’s right, but that kind of sucks, because she’s not totally sure how much she wants to be right (she dosen’t want this to be simon, but she also dosen’t want simon to be gone)

(i think the idea of betty Swapping her perspective abt simon during elements as a coping strategy to deal w the panic of What If Simon Is Different + the moral dilemma of potentially hurting him fits nicely into the "betty has bpd" interpretation . my girl is splitting)

(also ik many people interpret simon and ice king as Literally being entirely different people but tbh i think that is way less interesting and doesn't make a lot of sense with the canon. but also ik this is partially because what people consider to be "different people" is subjective.  like it depends somewhat on ur perception of identity and stuff. also having different interpretations is valid and fair and all that - and adventure time is often very loose in its text and there’s lots of ways to interpret it. but whatever man im just saying my feelings and That is and Always Will Be the Same guy to me and i think that perspective is waay more interesting to explore than simon getting possessed by an alternate personality or whatever. so im just going under that interpretation….. i think some ppl would perceive the "im ice king" line as being a conformation of them as separate people but to me it's a more abstract representation of the idea that a Drastic Change has taken place that Cannot be reversed!!.... which. Ok eventually it is but tbh i doubt they even knew how they'd end the show by this point and i still think in the context of elements it still works very well as a way driving home both how betty is Not Handling the Situation Well while also making you empathize with her bc u also know how hard that must have been for her to hear)

i think betty is very person-oriented in a unique way!!she's codependent while also being low empathy, introverted, and in many ways socially inept,  which is an interesting combo! i really get the vibe that she has always struggled socially and had trouble fitting in, so attaches really heavily to people who she does feel a connection to, and works really, really hard to maintain the relationships she has. i like to think she’s scared of rejection…

i think simon is much more empathetic, emotion-driven, and in tune with others than betty, but i also think he can be Very bad at actually understanding other people on many levels - like with his obliviousness to betty being interested in him romantically until she spelled it out for him, or to the impact of bettys earlier sacrifices. simon also, with the mission to get the crown in f&c, despite his empathetic nature and love for his friends, does not seem to consider that putting the crown on would upset his friends. This shows a "focusing on one thing and missing something else" scenario, and perhaps more of a "thinking abt the big picture" (saving f&c's world) over the details (friends would be sad) thing. so that's interesting. (although i think part of this example in particular stems from his self hatred preventing him from really thinking that his friends would be upset if he did that. but in a sense it is focusing on big picture over details). So theres some nuance there i think

BUT Anyway, i think this issue probably is mainly with him struggling to read people, or fully understand others perspectives, despite caring deeply about people and feeling Upset when he can tell other people are Upset. he cares and he feels very emotionally connected to people, especially people he cares about…. he just isn't that great at picking up on things sometimes. (also. Worth noting, i think its def shown that while simon may be very caring towards his friends and is a generally nice and approachable, well meaning person who wants whats best for other people. He still is very capable of Hating People and Doing Bad Things On Purpose. Don’t want to ignore that. also hes very desensitized to bad things happening in many respects lmao. So its not like hes just always super nice and caring and amazing. He still murdered choose goose to death and That is via the power of choose goose being annoying and Simon Loving Betty)

Betty also struggles to understand other people but instead of being downright oblivious to certain things or being unsure and nervous she finds relating to people and understanding their actions and emotions to be actively difficult and makes an active effort to understand people in a bit of a scientist-looking-at-a-subject way. Which can be helpful sometimes and less helpful other times. like. it's good that she has a way to navigate social interactions . but also that way of addressing things isn't always conductive to a healthy relationship, especially when she doesn't really let simon in on the fact that she's making these sort of analyses where she's like "what will maximize Simon Being Happy and how do i accomplish this" sometimes to her own detriment.  simon is just like "wow betty is so confident and good at knowing what she wants" meanwhile betty is like "i will make the best choice For Simon" betty i think is better than simon at reading people but not good at Empathizing With Others Emotions or really Understanding or relating to the emotions behind their actions .

she also is shown to, despite caring So much about simon, not be very considerate or caring towards others (not the same as being low empathy & etc dw im not equating them. Its just on the topic of How She Views Others!!!). To be fair, we don’t see nearly enough of her interacting with people besides simon, but i like to think that she just sorta struggles to really care about and have compassion for Random People but deeply cares about those she is Really close too (but as far as we know, thats just simon)

OVERALLi think they see the world very similarly in some ways and very differently in others and it's an interesting balance. also they are both Autistic. In cconclusion !!

betty

likes to break things down into concrete concepts because she struggles to comprehend more subjective and nuanced experiences, especially in social situations + Feels more comfortable approaching things from a “scientific” perspective because it is familiar and easy for her to navigate; threatened by uncertainty and comforted by things that are more straightforward and well-defined

doesn't dwell on things a ton (esp not as much as simon) because she's very goal-oriented and focused on the Now. she wants to get to the next step. that often then means ignoring Her Own Feelings Or Needs if she deems Other Things to be more relevant or important than them (not good for your mental health) + this also means she’s better at making quick decisions! she cares about details and prefers to have All The Relevant Info but is willing and able to cut things down to a “wider-picture” that helps her make whatever choices will help her achieve her goal - that wider picture just may not always be the Full Actual wider picture.

struggles to put herself in other people's shoes - finds it easier to view herself as an outside party with the goal of achieving the ideal outcome in a social situation. In general has low empathy and struggles to understand/relate to others feelings, which impacts her perspective on things and how she handles/views situations.

(not really mentioned earlier but idk where else to put it:) i also think she has that Autism Trait where you focus in on a specific goal you want to achieve and struggle to focus on anything else until it's accomplished (and that that sort of thinking pattern happened with curing simons curse). where you put off doing anything, even things you could do, until something that you Need to happen (according to your brain, not the real world) happens.  Betty put off being person until simon was saved. she put Everything on hold until she accomplished her mission. and this is in a way a form of not seeing the bigger picture, because its overly focusing on a specific thing at the expense of others

(bettys better at balancing seeing the details & the big picture in a sense, but more like. she picks a medium sized chunk of what is going on and focuses on that and acknowledges details when able to but is willing and able to make split second decisions based on little info and is confident in doing so. but whereas i think simon might have more of a "sees the whole big picture but then gets caught up on the details" thing going on, i think betty just straight up focuses on One Portion of something, of varying sizes, which could or could not he considered a "detail", but then almost completely ignores everything else, viewing things as individual challenges or events that need to be addressed before anything else can be)

simon 

is someone who really likes to think things through, and can easily get hung up on details and can easily get overwhelmed by those details and sent into a state of anxiety-fueled-spiraling or decision making paralysis

this is worse probably for Current simon because he’s also Trying To DIstance Himself from his identity as ice king, and as ice king he had no impulse control and thought things through very little. so simon likely puts even more pressure on himself to think things through! unfortunately hes also Going Through A Lot Emotionally and sometimes that’s too much and he Dosen’t think things through and just acts on how he’s feeling. And that makes him feel Worse about himself and just Everything in general

he is more confident with his decision making skills if he feels more prepared/knowledgeable on the subject at hand or is taking on a caretaker role (like with marcy, or f&c). but currently he dosen’t have a lot of that going on so that kinda sucks for his self confidence. 

simon is better at empathizing with people than betty & at creating connections with others & is more caring towards people he dosen’t know that well - and so may consider Other People more in his perspectives on things. But on the other hand hes not always the best at reading people or understanding their perspectives, even if he feels emotional connections and cares about people, so he can easily overlook other people’s struggles or perspectives within an issue - even if he cares deeply about their wellbeing (very relevant to his relationship with betty)

he’s generally more emotion driven than betty, and dwells on & ruminates about his feelings, sometimes to the point of obscuring his understanding of a situation or his ability to engage with it. On The Other Hand this means he at least acknowledges how he’s feeling meanwhile betty is like “im classifying that as irrelevant information until further notice” lmao. 

he’s better at understanding nuance & subjectivity than betty but this contributes to his habit of getting-overwhelmed by everything & Overthinking

(simon focuses on details over the big picture overall. he easily gets caught up in details and panics. he traps himself in cycles of worrying about details that can paralyze him when making decisions, and so prefers to not have to make choices. BUT simons "paralyzed with fear of making decisions" state can often be overturned by the power of Having Strong Emotions and his decisions may be Less Good because of the power of not being great and understanding other people. he's very emotion-driven and currently suffering from a billion mental health issues so sometimes all that gets in the way of his natural over-thinking. hes got a better understanding of nuance than betty & is better at Empathizing with others and more considerate but not all too great at reading them or recognizing others Feelings or Behaviors)

I THINK I REPEATED A LOT IN THIS. AGAIN, KIND OF JUST RAMBLING. HOPEFULLY IT WAS SOMEWHAT COHERENT

[texasbama]

Hiya I know you're a safe space and I need to get this out, so sorry in advance 🙃.

I see how amazing canon bi buck is for the queer community and I don't mind how it happened in canon. But while I should be happy, I actually kind of feel like I'm mourning? I'm so attached to eddie, maybe unhealthily so, and the ensemble found family dynamic is what first brought me to the show. For a while it's been a struggle having the fandom basically shove buck into every spec or storyline and act like he is a perfect angel and the centre of the universe. But there was always the eddiezers and it was more balanced. But now literally EVERYBODY is all about buck and tommy. It feels like the rest of the show doesn't even exist. I know its only been a couple of days but going on social media now just makes me anxious and idk why really. I'm worried about future eddie storylines, I'm desperate for marisol to disappear, but the vibe is that now buck is bi nothing else matters, we've won apparently, who even cares about eddie or the other characters because buck kissed a man.

Also I'm sex-repulsed ace and people saying how if you don't like it you're a purist and an evangelical and homophobic and biphobic actually makes me feel like shit. I never really understood wanting two characters to have sex 'because why not', because I don't understand why anyone wants to ever lol. I can only read buddie smut in very specific scenarios and most of the time i skip even that. And the rhetoric in a lot of tumblr space recently makes me feel like a bad person for not being all for it 100%. I don't think I've explained myself well here but I tried. You don't have to reply or post this either, I just wanted to reach out to someone in fandom who won't jump down my throat for it 😅. 911 is kind of a hyperfixation of mine so even though I'm trying to stay away as much as possible so as to not make myself more upset but I have no idea what to do with myself otherwise 🫠. Thanks for reading and sorry for unloading on you

Please don’t apologize, im happy you felt like I was a safe space. Im gonna break this into two parts and I hope I can articulate myself correctly lol

1) the first few days after an episode, any episode but especially one like this, isn’t indicative of fandom as a whole. Emotions are heightened due to what happened in the episode. Everyone is screaming about something and it’s in your face ya know? This week something HUGE happened, so yes people are talking about it. It was to be expected. We must make space for people to be happy about it. It’s a beautiful thing and queer joy MUST be celebrated.

This show (for the most part) has done a beautiful job of giving each character their time to shine(some more so than others but thats a conversation for a different day). Coming off 7x04, yes the headline is Bi Buck. And it will continue to be for a while, but it’s important to remember that YOU curate your fandom experience. I don’t blame you at all for what you’re feeling, ESPECIALLY as an Eddie girlie(gn), like I get it! Trust me! I’ve had to carefully maneuver through some emotions this week myself. I’m human! But filtering and being able to step away is everything.

Being excited about the storyline and also hoping and wanting more from other storylines are two things that can be true at the same time. It’s not one or the other. Remember that.

2) im going to say this and just know the caps is because I am just passionate. I promise you, its yelling at you with love okay?

I know it is easier said than done, but don’t you EVER allow ANYONE on this fucking hellsite make you feel less than or that your asexuality is anything but 100% valid. YOU are valid, you hear me?

Okay. I had to make sure to say that first. Whew. Now. As for the fandom piece of it all, we have to remember that there levels to it. You are allowed to feel the way you feel about sex, BUT it’s also important to remember that sex positivity (and those who express it) is also a good and valid. If you feel like there are blogs that talk down to you, imply that YOU are homophobic or biphobic simply because YOU are not doing cartwheels about different sex acts, then block. Unfollow. Do whatever you need to. Those people are scum.

Listen to me *pulls you close*, this is always a safe space. You are a valid, your existence and experiences are valid. And anyone who makes you question that can fuck right off. And lastly, HAPPY ASEXUALITY DAY TO YOU SPECIFICALLY! MUAH! 💜🤍🩶🖤

[midnight--rainn]

over in no time.

pairing: elliot x sunshine

summary:

"I'm whispering your name like I'm taking a vow, I need you when my heart rate races and pounds. I wish that I was somewhere I was safe and sound."

or

after elliot finally gets to sunshine, they think they're out of the woods. until brachium appears, with a solemn look on his face.

the balance has not been restored.

an: im bored and wanted to start posting fics on here so here you go! you can also find it on a03 under the username @midnight_rainn

"El?" Sunshine calls weakly, still trapped in their own hell that took the form of a car. They were trapped- had been since Blake pulled them into this hellscape. Sunshine was losing hope- very quickly. That was, until, an unexpected guest arrived.

A person, someone Sunshine didn't recognize. When they called Blake's name, however, they realized who they were. The horrified look on his face and theirs said it all. Blake had let Sunshine have a moment of reprieve to speak to the person, his lover, but soon, it turned into a screaming match. The person had tried to help Sunshine, to convince Blake that his actions were wrong, and if he let them go they could just go home together.

But, Blake couldn't. Because he knew what was going to happen, and he needed it to stop. Sunshine wasn't quite sure what had happened- still trapped in the car. They heard the yelling, and the fighting, but then it all stopped. There was a shrill gasp, and then nothing. Then, they heard it. The sobs, ripping through Blake's throat. They didn't have to see them to know what had happened. He killed them, whether accident or not. It was always going to be him. He could never save them from himself.

He sat there and cried for what felt like hours. Until Sunshine heard a noise. It was faint, barely even there, but they knew who it was. El. Their El. He had finally come. He didn't forget them after all.

"El?" They call again, feeling lightheaded from lying practically upside down the entire time. They hear footsteps briskly walking- then running to their location. "Sunshi-" He pauses, looking at Sunshine's state. "Oh god, I'm so sorry." He says over and over while he works to get Sunshine out. If Blake knew of Elliot's appearance, he wasn't doing anything about it. He just sat, his dead lover in his arms, dead to the world. 

When Sunshine finally feels the seatbelt retract they fall into Elliot's arms, he cradles them, runs his fingers through their hair. "I'm so sorry I didn't come sooner. We- we tried to get the department to help but they didn't do anything. I had to-" 

"It's okay, El. You're here now. We're here. We're free." Sunshine looks up at his face with a smile. He gives them a quick kiss on the forehead as he stands, letting Sunshine lean into him for stability. "Okay, I'm gonna take us back into the real world, we should be in my brother's car, he got us out." Elliot tells them, preparing to take them back to their lives. But, as he does, the ground begins to shake violently. He instinctively pulls Sunshine closer, he wasn't going to lose them ever again.

The ground shakes again, a huge crack forming down the middle of the land, heading towards them. They jump back, watching the car Sunshine was trapped in fall into the dark abyss that's appeared in front of them. "Holy shit. What- what's going on?" Sunshine fearfully asks as the couple keeps backing away. Sunshine again looks over at Blake, oblivious to everything that was going on. He was right on the edge of the abyss, about to fall in.

Sunshine fought the urge to call out to him, to tell him to get to safety. But they don't. Earlier today, he would've gladly watched them fall, laughing the entire time. They weren't going to try and "save" him, he obviously didn't want it. 

Then, the abyss begins to fill. At first, they can't tell what- until the familiar feeling returns to them. The one that determined everything for them, their future. They watch as the familiar black liquid begins to rise into the abyss, coming closer and closer to them until it stops, brimming at the top. The water is beginning to seep into the dreamscape, pooling at Elliot's shoes.

"Hello, little one. Elliot." A voice says, and they both immediately know who it is. Sunshine relaxes, knowing that it's just their dear friend, but Elliot tenses next to them. Why was he here? They were free, it didn't make sense. "Brachium. What- what's going on?" Sunshine asks, taking a step closer to him. He stands on the other side of the abyss, a good ten feet away from them. Why was he so far away? 

Brachium had a somber look on his face, different from his usual cadence. He looked- upset. His eyes, though black, looked dull. "I'm sorry. The balance- it is not completed. It is calling, and it needs an answer." 

"What the hell does that mean?" Elliot asks angrily, pulling Sunshine closer to his side. Whatever was happening was not good, for either of them. "When- when I saved you, little one, I disrupted the balance in our two worlds. It's calling. It's your time." Brachium tells them, holding out a hand sadly. No. Not after everything- I just got out. I can't die, not now. Sunshine thinks, tears brimming at their eyes. 

"No." Elliot shouts angrily. "No. They went through all of this bullshit, you're not taking them now." He's terrified, trying hard not to show it. He thought Brachium was their friend- he was supposed to help them, not kill them. This wasn't how it was supposed to go. Any of it.

"It needs a life, Elliot. It will not rest until it has one. I- I cannot let you leave until the balance is fulfilled. I am sorry." Brachium looks sadly at the two of them, at how wrong everything has gone. It was all his fault, he was the one who had saved them all those years ago. Maybe if he hadn't- none of this would've happened. "So- I have to die?" Sunshine asks quietly, looking down at the ground.

Elliot shakes his head next to them, pulling them to arms length so he could look them in the eyes. "No. You are not dying. You're not. You can't." "I have to, El. There's no other way. He said we can't go- you can't go. It needs a life." Sunshine reasons, trying to pull away gently. They don't want to leave him- they never did. But if they had to, at least it would be to keep him safe. To keep him alive.

Again, Elliot shakes his head, this time in realization. "No. It needs a life. They didn't say which. Right?" Brachium nods. "So- so Blake. He can- he can jus-" Elliot points over at Blake, but to no avail. He's not there. Neither is his lover. "Where- where did he go?" Elliot asks, confused. 

"He is already with me. He made that choice the second he lost his loved one. But, you're right- it needs a life. Not a specific one. One from inside this scape." Brachium explains, looking over the edge, where Blake presumably fell. Maybe it's peaceful, on the other side. Maybe I'll like it there, Sunshine thinks to themself, stepping forward. "Okay." They say, preparing to step into the water.

Elliot grabs their arm, pulling them back. "No. No, I'm not gonna let you die today. It doesn't have to be you." Sunshine realizes what he means, shaking their head. "No- no. You are not going to die for me, El. I won't let you. I started this, I'm ending it." "No, he started it." Elliot accuses, venom in his voice. "You shouldn't have to suffer- to lose your life because of that." 

"You shouldn't have to either, El." Sunshine says quietly, as he pulls them into his chest, resting his head on top of theirs. "I know. But one of us has to. And it's not going to be you." Elliot cups their face in his hands, tracing their features, knowing he won't see them ever again. "Elliot- please." Their voice breaks, as he leans in for a kiss. Their last, no doubt. 

Sunshine savors it for as long as they can, memorizing every feeling, every little thing about him. They know what they have to do. They're not going to let him take the fall. They stood closer to the river, taking a step back, and then running to the edge, preparing to throw themselves off. Elliot quickly runs after them, shouting something as he grabs them and pulls them back. They fight each other, until Elliot hears a crack under his feet, breaking under the couple's weight. He slips, beginning to fall, but before he does, Sunshine grabs his hand, the only thing stopping him from the end.

"No. NO!" Sunshine yells, desperately trying to drag him back up to solid ground. Elliot already has tears brimming at his eyes, a somber smile on his face. "Please, El. I c- I can't do this alone. I need you. I love you." They tell him, both of their hands now clutching Elliot's. They know he's too heavy, that they won't be able to pull him over- but they try. "I know. And it's okay. I'll be okay, you'll be okay. I love you, my Sunshine." Sunshine shakes their head, their grip slipping on Elliot's hand. For a moment, they just look at him. Hanging over death itself, with seemingly no fear.

They realize then that it's because he's doing it for them. He would do anything for them. That was the best and worst thing they'd ever heard. "I love you." Elliot repeats, letting go of Sunshine's hands. He falls, landing in the river without a splash. They wait for him to come back up, but he doesn't. It's silent again. They couldn't scream, they couldn't jump in after him, they just watched. 

The river went on. Whether Elliot was alive or not.

[batmenstrualcycle]

Hey its me again again sorry for last time I'm so embarrassed. But can I get a revu x reader on a mission please and thank u 🥹

LOLOL THATS FINEEE! honestly i told my friends that someone asked me to write that and they were like "DO IT👹" and i was gonna but it felt so wrong and yeah😀 anyways this is when revy and rock were retrieving that one painting from like ww2

Paring: Revy "Two Hands" x F! Reader (hope u dont mind lol)

Whatever You Say

"Do you plan on only searching for gold while we're here? I'll betcha you won't find any." You joked as Revy was searching from door to door looking for gold.

"What the fuck do you know?!" She yelled, and you chuckled in response. "I know not to snoop in places where I'm not supposed to be!" You teased, your voice echoing throughout the halls of the sunken ship. "Why does it matter? Do you not want the dead people to know we're robbing them of their riches?" Revy said in a joking manner. You rolled your eyes and chuckled.

You knew that Revy was a thief, a liar, a foul-mouth and a killer. But none of that made any difference in what you felt for her. And as for Revy herself, she'll never understand how she fell for some nerdy girl who was probably the teacher's pet back in grade school. She never imagined herself falling for someone like that (not to mention anybody at all), let alone another girl. She'd always grown up thinking it was wrong for her to love the same gender, until you showed up.

Ever since, her world's been completely upside down.

You huffed as you brushed past Rock and cracked open some vault using a crowbar sitting nearby.

"Revy! We found the painting! Quit looking for gold and get your ass over here!" You yelled, barely earning her attention as she sighed and dragged her feet towards the safe that you and Rock were in.

"Already? Jeez, I was hopin' I could find some damn riches while we're in this nasty ass shithole." Revy cursed as she climbed through the hole and huffed. You quietly chuckled before looking at her, "Just how much were you looking for?"

Revy gave you a deadpan stare. "A fuckin' penny. What the fuck did you think, Y/n?! We're down here in this Narnia of a ship full of treasures and shit!" She exclaimed before you sighed and shook your head. Right after that, the three of you heard faint voices and footsteps from outside the door. You all turned your heads in that direction before Rock began to panic for only a second.

"What do we do?!-" You pushed your hand against his mouth to keep him quiet, then crept with Revy to the edge of the door. Rock crept with you to listen to how many soldiers were down there.

"4..5..6.."

"You don't count how many people, Rock. You count their guns." Revy reminded in a teasing manner before looking at you, giving you a smirk. You rolled your eyes. "I remember when Y/n was scared shitless on her first mission. She pissed herself and almost got us caught." Revy chuckled out. You found yourself rolling your eyes again at her comment and huffed.

"Why do you still remember that?" You questioned, keeping a low tone. Her smirk fell and she looked at you. "Why do you care if I fuckin' remember that?"

You groaned before frowning.

"Whatever you say."

---

AHHHH IM SO SORRY FOR TAKING FOR FUCKING EVER TO POST THIS!!😭 I had 60 million things to work on (both fanfic things and school things lol) and i completely forgot about it until tonight😭

[almond-tofu-chan]

i have never been angrier in my entire fucking life, it is taking every fiber of my being to not actually punch someone right now /srs

so this fucking show im assistant directing, WAS assistant directing, i quit because it was hell. the director is this piece if shit entitled bitch who doesnt know or care how to run a good show. i signed up to assistant direct, ended up babysitting a bunch of kids from four to six every day five days a week. while i was doing the job I DIDNT SIGN UP TO DO i was verbally berated, abused, mistreated, and taken advantage of at every possible corner. when i learned tech week would be till eight i fucking quit

heres where i get fucking pissed: the kids were amazing. theyre a bunch of talented, bright actors who are absolutely lovely, and for most of them this is their first show. i understandably feel awful for quitting, plus the bitch director hates me nowc but i show up to opening night to cheer them on

i want to kill this woman

kids are crying, shes yelling at them backstage constantly, lighting and sound cues dont work, choreo and blocking are nonexistent, so are props and costumes and set: everything needed to make a show a show is absent or so shoddily put together that it genuinely looked like it was going to fall apart

and the kids are amazing, they do so well with what theyre given and theyre so good and talented and im serious when i say theyre all gonna go far, if it werent for the fucking director

show starts 20 minutes late because she hasnt finished playbills, curtains are see through and on yhe verge of collapse at all times, they're doing this show in a HIGH SCHOOL CAFETERIA btw, all the costumes she got yesterday from thriftsmart, she got kids ti make all the props and set and it shows, and she never told crew what to do, so shes yelling at them constantly while giving them no direction at all. a crew kid is forced on stage at one point to turn on someones mic, he was crying

i had to comfort no less than four crying kids afterwards, all sobbing because she had yelled at them and berated them for no goddamn reason other than the thrill of the power trip

oh and btw, the second the show ended she disappeared. didnt talk to parents, cast, crew, just fucking dipped.

and you know what? im going to the show tomorrow too. i fucking quit because i forsaw this shit was going to happen, but no way in hell am i just gonna watch while these kids that i love suffer. fucking survivors guilt is a thing, and i want to kill her for making me kill myself for this goddamn show

i wouldnt be surprised if these kids hate theatre now. theyre all a bunch of talented, starry eyed young impressionable kids who she is using for her own power trips and abuse, and shes probably ruining theatre for them forever. shes hurting the people i love and forcing me to get involved again when i had already gotten out. seriously, fuck this shit, im so mad. you hurt me thats one thing. you hurt my kids? fuck you, seriously go fuck yourself.

sorry for the long fucking post, this show is so fucking awful i havent even talked about a quarter of the shit going on, theres so goddamn much of it

ill be fine, i just had so much fucking work to do this weekend that i cant get done now because of this goddamn show. if she directs the show next year i will actually kill someone, i hope she dies slowly and painfully /srs

[oolathurman]

ok so despite what everyone may think i am first and foremost a zelda fan and the new nintendo direct zelda trailer has me YELLING and i'm gonna copy paste what i said in discord but be warned there is a conspiracy wall and pins and thread everywhere. this is a long post you have been warned. special interest go brrrr so hard i might need new RAM.

I'm so excited for matt mercer for voicing ganon

i think the car thing. it looks like nintendo saw everyone fucking with physics and making their own diy vehicles and shit in the first game and then nintendo was like 'fuck it let's make it a feature'

AIR DROPPING ENEMIES ONTO YOU?????

am now more convinced than i was previously that the twilight realm/shadow plane/whatever (a la twilight princess) will be a part of this game, give the floaty bits and the reversed sounding music clips. however i never did play tp so /shrug

hee hee funny hats on mobs

are we leaning more into zelda puzzles again cuz i fucking hope so i miss that shit bro

give me my enrichment puzzles

did ganon gain sheikah slate magnesis powers???? the light blue connection bits between this golem's bits look like magnesis.

screaming alone in the house I'm excited for loz totk

the crop circle shapes are gonna be a new puzzle and if I'm wrong I'm eating my shoe. like there is no fucking way the zelda series would have something like that and NOT make a puzzle out of it.

SHEIKAH SLATE FUNCTIONS BUILT INTO YOUR NEW ARM

still can't figure out what culture may have made that shield but damn if it doesn't look cool. there's the crying eye element which would make me think sheikah but also it's so very different than the sheikah eye logomark we've known all this time????

new arm looks dead. did ganon's arm get grafted on him. tf.

also if this is sheikah tech it is not a flavor we have seen yet. unsure if it IS sheikah or my hope for twilight tech.

the thing on his belt ARE WE GETTING LIMITED CHARGES OF SOMETHING. WHAT IS THIS. IT LOOKS LIKE CAPSULES.

MY HYPERFOCUS AND SPECIAL INTEREST IN ZELDA IS EVERYWHERE RIGHT NOW AHHHHHH

yeah we def DIYing our own shit now hehehehe

ALSO LOOK AT YHE FACE ON HIS TRACTOR WHAT CULTURE ARE YOU FROM THIS LOOKS LIKE. IDK SOUTH AMERICAN VAGYELY INCAN SHIT. ANOTHER STRING FOR THE TWILIGHT REALM PIN

IT'D ALSO EXPLAIN WHY THERE WAS THAT AREA IN BOTW THAT HAD VAGUELY INCAN LOOKING ARCHITECTURE AND IT JUST WAS NEVER EXPLAINED

I THINK THE TWILIGHT REALM IS THE EXPLAN wait link did you just. grab a random stable for your tractor. is that what that wooden structure is. oh my god babygirl.

99 luftballon also yall see the very angular smoke coming from that floaty bit on the left right. let me. screenshots one sec.

also look at twilight architecture while i find screenshots

k this was the best i could find but the lil squares and shit. it's always been very TP. and now elements of that are being brought to totk.

there is so. much. thread. on the "twilight realm" pin rn on this mental conspiracy theory board.

link gets goody baskets from the sky now

also adding more conspiracy theory thread. the architecture from the twilight realm uses that cyan color.

also idr if tp uses reversed vocals at all but i know that in general loz uses a lot of audio cues, and will back that thing up and reverse it, and /flaps wildly/

i am conspiracy theorying so hard yall IM SO ECCITRD FOR RHIS GAME

ZELDA SAYS "LEND HIM YOUR POWER" NOT "LEND ME YOUR POWER" "LEND HIM YOUR POWER" IM 90% SURE SHES TALKING ABOUT GANON AND IF SHE IS DO WE GET GANONDORF IN A BIGGER ROLE THIS TIME OH MY GOD

AHHHH YHE ERHU SOUNDING INSTRUMENT PLAYING ZELDAS LULLABY IM CRYING YALL

ok so a few things (i started out with 'two things' and then the list kept growing)

that arm is definitely dead. still not convinced that's his original arm.

he's tossing the master sword to go save zelda oh my god i'm crying yall (listen the knight who would risk everything for his charge is a trope i would die for and apparently so will link)

that arm is glowing red. that specific red has been the color of Malice TM and Ganon TM in botw

this clip comes right before the 'lend him your power' line I AM 98.88% SURE THAT IS GANON'S ARM god the conspiracy threads are so tangled rn yall

another thing, he's got that... idk, brass banding thing? from earlier? off of his arm in this clip. and now the arm is glowing woooooo so that tells me that whatever it was, it was keeping the Malice TM away, probably away from consuming him too much.

how heavily will we see the consequences of malice eating away at him, idk.

but given that the malice has like. eaten away at his clothes, even the leather that's keeping his shit in place (look at how worn it is in the second pic compared to his completely fine and unmarked bracer on his left arm), wait where was i going with this. oh yeah. this seems like Malice is a fast acting thing.

also fwiw a good handful of other folks in the video comments are also talking about how they're reminded of twilight princess so i don't think it's TOO far fetched.

---- end copy paste, time for More Of My Opinion B) ----

so at this point i'm pretty sure of a few things but it's also late at night so i could probably be convinced of almost anything. that said, i'm pretty sure of a few things.

that's no longer link's original arm. (my best bet is it's ganon's arm.)

the twilight realm, dark realm, mirror realm, whatever it is, it's coming back. it's not far fetched given that botw is sorta a conglomerate of a lot of elements from previous games, or has easter eggs from a lot of other games (eg tingle's islands, lon lon ranch), and TP was one of their biggest games.

ganon and link swapping arms could also explain(?) why that golem has magnesis keeping it together. tho this feels like a stretch.

90% sure we're having more involved puzzle dungeons again which i'm excited about.

i'm preordering this game idc what you think

[overgrownmoon]

vent post

i’m not allowed to be angry.

how dare i complain. how dare i argue and bicker. how could i act so childish and irresponsible, pull yourself together and act right. dont cuss, don’t hit, don’t yell; stay good. be good. i have better things to worry about. your little brother is throwing a tantrum, i don’t need you throwing one too. you’re the eldest, you don’t need to be crying. behave. act right and don’t make a scene.

don’t be so down on the state of the world. don’t let it get to you. don’t focus on politics. don’t talk about things that upset you. focus on school, you don’t have time for that anger. you have no where to put it and nothing to do with it. you have everything you need, why are you complaining? why aren’t you happy yet? everything is gonna be ok, don’t be sad. don’t be upset.

nononono. no. no. i want to be angry. i want to scream and stomp and yell and cry and hit because i am so. angry at the world and all the horrible people in it and the horrible rules of society we came up with and everything that we do to eachother and the planet and i’m so so angry that i can’t do anything about it. i’m significant. i’m not a rich oil baron that can lobby the government, i j not an elected official, im not an influencer or speaker. i have no power. for every straw that i deny and plastic cup i recycle millions more are manufactured and dumped into the oceans. for every bill i oppose politicians sche on how to add more, do more, get wicked things to pass.

i’m tired and stressed and angry. i want to do something but i have no time, money, or energy to do it.

do i make an impact? do i matter? am i more than a cog in a machine, a number on a document? can i ever be more than a depressed white middle class asshole with a broken brain? who complains day in and day out how fucking depressed they are, oh how bo-hoo sad my life is oh ducking shut up asshole. i don’t know the meaning of suffering. oh lord your parents got divorced we get it and you lived in a nice house with toys and food and a good school and loving family and ooooohhh how hard your life must have been. how much you must have suffered while you went out with friends and had a good dad and a nice computer and good grades in school. what the fuck do i have to be upset about? ducking nothing i’m just a piece of shit loser with such a broken and failed fucking brain that i somehow convinced myself that i’m not a shitty awful person!

what point is there. nothing fucking matters. at the end of the day the fuckers in charge will get what they want while us plebeians get to wallow and suffer for our wages. we’ll beg and grovel at their feet for a luveable planet, drinkable water, a home to live in. so list and fucking doomed we are. i don’t want to participate in society. i do t want to do any of this. i didn’t want to be born. i wish i was never born. i don’t want to be here i don’t want to do any of this it all sucks and unfair and no one ever ducking asked me if i wanted to be here! i am forced into this goddamned nonsense world where profits are more important that morals and i’m sick of it! but the only other option is death and that’s looking like a pretty good option compared to what the fuck is gonna happen to us in the future!

fuck this. fuck everything. fuck your “have hopes” and “look at the bright sides” and whatever the fucking fuck. they won’t change the damn bed facts right in front of us. they won’t stop this fucking garbage fire from burning. i want to be angry. i want to so angry i can cave in concrete and shatter glass. i want to snarl and rip and tear and kill and maim and destroy eveything around me and then finally rip into my own chest and rip out my own heart so i never have to have it hurt from watching everything fucking collapse around me.

privileged fucking asshole. at a good college, don’t have to work, living with my parents. i still have the absolute audacity to be so bitchy and ungrateful. of fucking course. i fucking hate myself

[gyubakeries]

𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻 | k.mg

a/n: this post caused this one. i am unwell. also idk why im suddenly posting so much LMAO. pls expect posts to slow down after christmas, im gonna be super busyyyy. also thank you to everyone whos been liking the text imagines! wasnt expecting them to blow up this way ngl. hope you enjoy <3

word count: 2.7k contents: NSFW content , mingyu x f!reader , non idol!au , established relationship , mingyu and reader are fighting , but they make up , hoshi is a little shit , but for good reasons , lots of talk about sexual activities , this is lowkey filthy; i almost didnt wanna post im too shy , nsfw warnings below the cut!

nsfw warnings: mdni! 18+ , oral sex (f. receiving) , reader is a little mean , pussydrunk mingyu , multiple orgasms , titty play , make-up sex

friends and alcohol are never a good combination, especially when they start getting on mingyu's nerves.

tonight is not an exception either.

"okay but getting head is the best," chan mumbles drunkenly, nursing an almost empty bottle of tequila. mingyu doesn't know where he got it from, considering the party was at his house and he surely didn't have tequila at home.

"why are we even talking about-"

"mingyu shut up," soonyoung shushes him with an uncoordinated hand slapping over mingyu's mouth. "getting head is good, but have you ever given head, chan-ah?" soonyoung slurs, smirking lazily.

"i would, only if my girlfriend would allow me to," chan pouts, and mingyu thinks he sees the tell-tale signs of a full-blown cry-fest manifesting in front of his eyes.

"chan, it's alright!" he rushes to say, trying to console his friend before he starts crying all over his couch. he's glad chan and soonyoung's girlfriends aren't around to see the emotional messes their boyfriends are, but he's also starting to feel a little less happy about offering his place for 'boys night.'

"why won't she let me eat her out?" chan sniffles, and soonyoung sympathizes with a sniffle of his own. mingyu can't believe his fate.

"guys, i will not appreciate the two of you crying in my living room about not getting to give your girlfriends head," mingyu states firmly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"you talk like you have all the experience," a fourth person joins the conversation, and mingyu turns to see its you.

you're dressed in nothing but a ratty band t-shirt, and short shorts that leave almost the entire expanse of your legs bare. mingyu's mouth dries up at the sight of you, and his heart aches a little, reminded of the fight you two had before his friends came over.

it was heated and nonsensical, over something that mattered to you and he forgot, which is why it took lesser time for things to worsen. the fight ended when soonyoung rang the doorbell and you ignored mingyu's try at an apology, turning on your heel to lock yourself up in the bedroom for the night.

"yeah, gyu," soonyoung teases. it's easy to make mingyu the subject of all jokes, because of how easily he gets provoked. it's even easier when his own girlfriend gangs up against him. "you talk like you have a lot of experience giving your girl head." soonyoung smiles smugly.

"i- i won't even respond to that," mingyu sighs, eyes flitting between your amused expression and soonyoung's drunk antics. "it's rude and offensive to talk about my girlfriend that w-"

"you didn't have a problem yelling in my face earlier, did you?" you cut him off, your tone mean.

"oooh, someone's in trouble," chan giggles, sensing the obvious tension between mingyu and you.

"god, can we just switch the topic?" mingyu huffs, annoyed. "i really don't wanna talk about giving head, and-"

"if you don't want to talk about it, it means you suck at it," soonyoung says before mingyu can even finish his sentence. "or you don't actually, if you know what i mean." he winks exaggeratedly.

"i'm not bad at giving head! can we stop this now?" mingyu blurts out, but you seem even more insistent to make mingyu feel worse.

"hm, i think you're over-selling it," you hum, and soonyoung lets out a squeak of delight. "you're not that good at head either. average, at best."

"i knew it! mingyu wasn't some sex god, ha!" soonyoung hollers, and mingyu doesn't know if he feels angered or upset.

he knows you're lying, he can see it in the way you're barely hiding your bratty smile. but most importantly, he knows you're lying because he's had you fall apart on his tongue countless times. he eats you out before you sleep to help you relax, or in the morning to wake you up, or when you're wearing that black dress that hugs your waist perfectly, or when you're sitting on that couch in pajamas, the same couch soonyoung is leaning on, and you're begging him to keep going.

he knows you're lying. and he couldn't care less about soonyoung thinking he's bad at eating pussy, but he sure as hell won't take it from you.

"okay, that's it. party's over," he announces abruptly, getting up from the floor. "soonyoung, chan, out."

"can i take the tequila with me?" chan mumbles.

"it's not even mine, chan. just take it," mingyu says, and within the next twenty minutes, the two drunk men have been safely sent on their way home.

mingyu finally turns to look at you, but you've already left the living room. the anger you flared in him earlier during the fight, and later when you mocked his skills, comes to a boil once again, and he enters the bedroom to set the record straight.

you're lying up against the headboard, bare legs stretched out in front of you, and an uninterested look on your face as you scroll through your phone. you're trying to pretend as if you're nonchalant.

mingyu sees through it all.

"what was that earlier?" he asks, trying to keep his calm. he doesn't want this to turn into another fight, as much as it already feels like one.

"what are you talking about?" you reply, not taking your eyes off your phone. at mingyu's silence, you look up at him with a bored look, eyes lighting up when you meet the fury brewing in his.

"oh, that?" you ask, feigning innocence. "that was the truth, wasn't it?"

"you know damn well it isn't," mingyu's voice is a low growl, and despite being pissed off at him for the argument, you can't deny the sparks of arousal in your gut.

"oh really? you think i was lying about it?" you challenge, raising an eyebrow. "maybe you should learn how to accept your mistakes, mingyu, because i said the truth."

"or maybe," mingyu fires back, his voice turning low and deep as he crawls onto the bed and settles in between your spread legs. "the truth is, you've realized that you were wrong about the whole fight, and you just want to get a reaction out of me by lying."

your breath hitches at the intense gaze mingyu's eyes have on you, and he smirks. "that seem about right, baby?"

"whatever," you scoff, going back to your phone. "i'm not changing my mind."

mingyu decides to switch tactics then.

"but won't you at least let me redeem myself?" mingyu tilts his head, lips forming a natural pout, and god, you just want his mouth to be between your legs already.

mingyu can sense the exact second you let go of the facade.

"okay, try to make me cum on your tongue, and then we'll see," you decide, as if the night wasn't going to end up this way already.

mingyu grins sharply at the permission he's been given, and he dives in immediately.

he runs his hands up your legs, pulling them apart abruptly so he can lay on his stomach, face placed right in front of your core. your shorts come off next, and mingyu nearly goes delirious at the smell of your arousal, hitting him even through your underwear.

"for all the talk about me not being good at giving head, you seem pretty wet already," he remarks, letting his index finger trace your slit through your panties.

"are you sure you're not just stalling right now?" you bite back. "all bark and no bite, hm?"

your words trail off into a loud moan when mingyu darts his tongue out to lick at the slick gathering in your panties, applying the perfect amount of pressure; not too light, not too heavy, just enough to make you squirm.

you have to bite your lips to stop yourself from begging for more. lucky for you, mingyu knows just what you want.

with an experienced move of his hands, your panties are off and thrown to a corner of the room, and mingyu presses his lips against your dripping core, almost like he's coaxing it open with a soft kiss.

before you can complain again, mingyu brings up two fingers to spread apart your folds, and he laps up the arousal dripping from your twitching hole with his tongue, making you whine loud and high.

"shit, you taste so sweet," mingyu nearly whines himself, his words sending shivers down your spine because of the way they're spoken into your most sensitive part. "could live off your taste, baby. i love it."

and then, he snaps.

his tongue lays flat against your slit and licks a broad stripe up your cunt, and you honest to god shiver at how good it feels. his movements are quick now, tongue noisily slurping away at your juices.

finally, he gets to your clit, the bundle of nerves begging for his touch. he rubs over it with the tip of his tongue, and your hips arch off the bed at the stimulation. mingyu keeps you anchored to the bed with an arm swung over your hips, and you have no choice but to withstand the absolute torture he begins on your clit.

he wraps his lips around the bud and sucks. you let out a scream at that, legs closing in around mingyu's head, locking him in between your legs, as if he was born just to live there.

he sucks harshly at your clit over and over again, and you can't help but grind your cunt down on his face, entire body craving for more.

"fuck, min- don't stop," you gasp when he thrusts a finger into your hole, his attack on your clit not relenting in the slightest. you feel his smirk against your core, but you're too far gone to even feel pissed about it.

your fingers curl in mingyu's hair, tugging on the dark locks to keep him in place as you ride his face.

"tongue- need your tongue in me, please," you beg, and mingyu complies, slowly thrusting his tongue into your hole, while his nose bumps against your clit.

"fuck, shit, mingyu, gonna cum, don't stop," you mewl. the heat building in your core reaches a high, and you're cumming on mingyu's tongue, thighs shaking with the intensity of your orgasm.

mingyu's mouth stays glued to your pussy, licking up every last drop of your orgasm, but he doesn't stop there. his lips create soft, smacking sounds as he presses his mouth to your sopping cunt again, almost as if he's making out with your pussy.

your hips buck up from the sensitivity, and it's not long before he's giving you another orgasm, this one leaving you boneless and your head empty.

"mingyu, no more, no more," you pant, trying to pull away from his touch, and he finally stops. he lifts his head up from it's place between your legs, he has a cocky smile plastered to his lips, and your wetness makes the lower half of his face glisten.

"did you figure out whether i was lying or not?" mingyu asks, and you hit him on the chest.

"this doesn't solve anything," you grumble. "i'm still mad about before."

mingyu sighs, kneeling between your legs now. "i'm sorry, about earlier. i was stupid for losing my cool and yelling. but you need to see my side too; work has been hectic and wishing your sister on her birthday really did slip my mind. i texted her the second i realized, and i felt so bad about it, but i didn't do it intentionally. you do know that, right?"

you process his words, now that you both are a bit more calm. you know mingyu's boss has been troubling him more than usual. he returns home late and leaves early in the morning, and it's only human of him to forget your sister's birthday. you realize that you need to apologize too.

"i know, i'm sorry mingyu," you mumble. "i don't know why i just blew up on you like that. heck, even i forgot my sister's birthday once. i shouldn't have taken things this far."

mingyu lays down next to you, pulling your body close to his to wrap you in a tight hug. he strokes your hair and presses a kiss to your forehead. "it's okay, love. you've been stressed too, i know. let's just talk things out next time, yeah?"

"yeah," you nod, kissing him on the lips, tasting yourself on his tongue. "the make-up sex is great, though."

"that it is," mingyu chuckles. "i can't believe you told soonyoung i wasn't good at giving head. he's never gonna let me forget this."

"only if he remembers it in the morning," you joke, referring to soonyoung's tendencies to get black-out drunk and forget everything the next day. you spend some more time wrapped up in mingyu's embrace, when your boyfriend shifts, and you're made aware of his very obvious boner.

"you never got to cum," you pout up at him, and he waves you off. "i'm alright," mingyu insists, but you already have a plan brewing in your head.

you roll away from mingyu to lay on your back and tug your t-shirt off, and mingyu gulps at the sight of your bare chest.

"wanna fuck my tits?"

"you're evil," mingyu whines. "using my weakness against me."

"you still love me," you wink at him, and mingyu doesn't wait for any other signal. he's quick in tugging his pants and underwear off, hissing when his erection is exposed to the cool air.

you lick your lips at the sight of his cock; standing tall, an angry shade of red, and the perfect length and girth that makes you see stars every time.

"you sure you wanna?" mingyu asks, just to check, and you nod eagerly, so he smiles at you, leaning down to capture your lips in a sloppy kiss.

his kisses move from your lips to your jaw, down your neck, and eventually your chest, tiny, red marks blooming in the wake of his touch. he swirls his tongue over a nipple, while his hand tugs and pinches the other one, making your back arch.

"gyu," you sigh, pushing him away. "this is about you now."

"impatient much?" he teases, pressing a kiss to your cheek before carefully moving up to straddle your stomach. you push your tits together, and he slowly slides his cock into the tight gap formed between your breasts, hissing softly as he's wrapped in warm skin.

"love fucking your tits, they're perfect," he rambles, switching out his slow thrusts for a faster pace. mingyu lasts for a long time on a normal day, but coupled with all the teasing, fighting and eating you out, he's close to tipping over the edge.

you gather up some saliva in your mouth and lower your chin to spit into the gap between your breasts, making the slide smoother for mingyu. his thrusts are erratic now, his tip hitting your chin a few times.

it's not long before he's groaning, chasing his release. "can i come on your face, doll? please?"

"give it to me gyu, c'mon," you egg him on further, and he lets out a throaty moan at that. soon, he's pulling out and you use your hand to quickly jerk him off. his cum lands in white, thick streaks across your cheeks, lips, nose, and some of it reaches your hairline too.

mingyu can only stare at you as you gather his release with your fingers, sucking them clean as you maintain eye contact with him. it drives him crazy, and he can't resist himself from swooping down and kissing you messily, the bitter taste of his orgasm coating his tongue as well.

"that was....fun," you laugh breathily when mingyu finally lays down next to you, both your chests heaving with exertion.

"i would be up to do it again," mingyu replies without missing a beat. "10/10, would recommend."

"recommend to who?" you laugh, and he blinks, before responding. "me. myself. kim mingyu. no one else."

"noted," you mock salute, and you both burst into laughter. "can we shower now, please?"

mingyu thinks for a while before answering. "only if you promise to text soonyoung and tell him that whatever you said about me was a lie."

"you want me texting another man about how good you are at eating me out?" you clarify, and he nods.

"god, men are so weird," you feign an expression of disgust, and mingyu giggles, eyes twinkling as he says, "you still love me."

"that i do."

"oh my god, you're such a sap."

"kim mingyu, i'm going to kick you in the balls."

"comment withdrawn, ma'am."

- fin.

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[werewolf-femboy-maid]

me after another episode (multiple meanings)

yes, another "keep reading" this is gonna be fun

guys :"0 I got cooked by my own stupidity (malnutrition, dehydration, inconsistent sleep schedule, adhd, bpd, lack of self awareness, lack of discipline, not doing breathing exercises when upset, trauma, broken phone I didn't have money to pick up today, stupid university applications I still need to do, red40 from last night and undiagnosed autism) again, look it me the fried.

dude I was not having it man. Idk if it was the red40 again or im just a genuinely horrible person. I must hate people, I must not give a single shit about anyones feelings, im super selfish and I only care about my own useless opinions and feelings.

I literally do property damage. I littered today. I am just the worst person. and yet I am not "that guy". how can I be this shitty of a person and not be "that guy" but noOoOo if I even TRY to be violent he threatens me with the police. (I unbuckled and opened the passenger side door to see if I could just die while he was driving and slapped him multiple times at a later point not while he was driving)

I screamed so much guys it hurts I don't want to be alive. this next story was from a month or two ago already but yeah basically one day I decided to steal my potential mother's in law alcohol and now she's hiding it from me :}}}}

I am so happy with myself! look at what a trustworthy and safe and loving person I am with her son! wow what a great way to introduce myself to this new family that welcomed me wow (she even took me to a pride parade when my bf couldn't because of work. they've both taken me at least once by now)

wow and I told his catholic grandma that I hope god sends me to hell (she wouldn't stop talking) (yes im a bad person for that, that's the whole point of this post, to talk about what a shitty and fake and ungrateful piece of shit I am) (im looking for excuses to throw myself away because I cant take it anymore) (its either live a life of isolation or live a life of constantly making mistakes and "learning" and disappointing everyone in my life and constantly hearing shit from other people about how I don't clean up enough or how violent I am) (id rather die alone) (but im too much of a coward to break up) (wow I cant believe my selfish incompetent ass could ever want kids) (how sadistic could you possibly have to be to look at my miserable useless genetics and think I should have offspring) (its so delusional to even think for a second I was ever capable of a happy and normal marriage or life) (I will never be a good mother) (I will never be anything to anyone except another mouth to feed and a danger) (if my only two options is complete isolation or learning by listening to other people criticize my actions (which I inevitably think is my character) without getting violent, then I would rather be in complete isolation) (well I want to choose complete isolation) (but im a fucking coward and im addicted to substances so I don't want to leave yet) (im such a horrible piece of shit) (yes im making my mindset as shitty as possible just like he says I always do on purpose) (idk either, I don't know why I do that but I think its a subconscious coping mechanism that worked at some point in my life (I think I realized early on that if I just overwhelm myself to a crazy amount, I won't be physically be able to think anymore, and then I don't have to process the yelling) (I think that might be what happened and why I always instantly try to make my problems as bad as possible so I don't have to think about them because ive already lived out the worst possible scenario by the time im too tired to process anything else)

e

the world is evolving too fast for primitive humans like me. I can barely start researching EVEN TOPICS I AM INTERESTED IN and I cant stick on the screen for more than 30 seconds before I have to close the laptop and there's too many things

I don't even answer my messages, not here, not on snap, not text, not email, not anything, not reddit or anything I just don't interact. I don't even go to Omegle because I cant find the "right time"

its such a stupid fucking lie the "right time"

I don't even talk to many people on pony town. im so fucking sad, like talking to people was my thing

and I always say I am gonna shut up and I never actually shut up because I forget, I hate my voice so much rn I cannot just shut up, im sure everyone that knows me wants me to just kill myself so (I was distracted by a conversation irl here)

I mean yeah idk

its just survival of the fittest at this point, it is just faulty systems dying out and making way for stronger organisms. (this isn't about poverty or classism, fuck all that)

I don't think realistically anyone is cool enough to picture my head on a platter, and I don't think even more realistically that anyone actually wants me to straight up die. I could be wrong tho. maybe some day I'll pull someone's last little straw, and my food will finally be poisoned and I can just die! :)

he almost finally broke up, but he took it back like a fucking retard. I hate love so much, it's all a lie. "love" is really just a retarded coping mechanism where these people cant live without each other, but trying to understand each other is fucking hell, and either way, both parties are fucking miserable.

I have so much privilege and im wasting it all

my life is so nice and I am ruining and wasting every second. I could be so happy right now and I am throwing it all away because the world and myself make me believe I am a useless piece of shit, and the sooner I throw myself away, the sooner these people can heal and move on with their lives.

JUST SAY IT SAY IM SELFISH

SAY IM A FUCKING SELFISH PUSSY

IM A SELFISH PIECE OF SHIT

I WILL NEVER SCREAM LOUD ENOUGH

have some fun gifs

11 year old me doing my 30 math questions and daydreaming about being a Pokemon character for 7 hours after another screaming match while my younger brother finishes his homework faster and plays video games all day (oooooh that's what happened...)

:))))))) help me help me im about to die but not really because I was never brave enough to finally go

I need to go

I ne hhhhhh what's the point of this. im just talking to myself again like I always have. I didn't even drink water today. really? just the red40 and more discipline IS THIS WHY IM SO SHITTY

I have so much privilege and things to be thankful for and people in my life who should've thrown me away a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG time ago, but they still sticking around anyway because they're all FUCKING RETARDED

this kind of mindset is why grape culture is still a problem (for those confused, im afraid im not referring to actual grapes. I wish from the bottom of my heart I was), because it's always the victim's fault for staying with the abuser. but now no one cares except the boy's family because he's a boy and is less likely to get [hysically hurt. I've already lost his trust tho. I guess that's what makes me even more not want to try, ive already ruined it. im still here in denial I guess. I lie to myself, "oh maybe sensory overload wont be that big of an issue if we have kids" "ill become more mature by then" "I can just discipline myself"

I had three fucking years. to just do my fucking breathing exercise any time im upset. and I cant even do that. I don't think I should be a part of society because no one will benefit from me. does this mindset also endanger other disabled people? yes it does. does this make me a bad person that doesn't care about other people? yes it does. I realized nature is so perfect because disabled individuals DIE.

I wasn't potty trained until 4, and I read somewhere that people who have anger issues tended to be potty trained later in life. so I guess im a shithead. I also had pneumonia when I was 3. I should've been dead.

don't worry about me I am very unlikely to die. im really just writing out my negative thoughts so I can stop thinking about them because I know I can just go back and look at this later.

I was tripping so many balls and I screamed so so loud out the CAR WINDOW....

there is no career for me besides the circus. except im not even funny, im just weird and annoying and violent. he's going to lose his job because of me. they're gonna pay more money to the apartment complex because I keep slamming the doors and breaking shit. I break so much shit I need to die. fbi please assassinate me at this point, I am literally only going to cause damage if I am kept alive. I should not have children. passing my genes down would be a crime. no human should live with such a poor miserable mind. im not doing that to my kids. I couldnt hope to ever apologize enough if I have a kid and they suffer the same way I did.

I have every blessing in the world and I somehow manage to be the most miserable scumbag piece of shit abusive person

he says he hates himself and he could not possibly hate himself more than I hate myself

idk what im even saying. I think my episode is almost done, but man the red40 is weird. im kinda at the point where im too tired to be angry and now im just kinda really tired and lightheaded and I cant pay attention anymore. my arms are weaker fingers cold.

I guess it was the red40 because I was doing alright but then I ate that last night. I also had another huge episode about a week ago (I broke up and also told his mom im breaking up) (yes and then I took it back after eating protein) (how am I still alive, you ask???) (please tell me idk either) ( my stress tolerance must be WILD) (im lowkey waiting for a random obsessive person to figure out the lore and say something mysterious or something idk I hate it when im in a rush and something is too mysterious and then I cant figure it out and it angers my poor fragile little ego) (yes im one of those people that give up on learning if im not good at it within 3 tries)

I suck at cleaning up after myself (I didn't clean the stove after cooking) and I forgot to mention I mopped the floors (there was grease on the floor and I didn't clean it when it was a puddle and it spread so I mopped the floor) but it's not useful to mop the floors apparently. just not as important as the stove because more stuff is on there. and the mop fuck I just feel so unappreciated but I also am aware that it makes sense that the stove is more urgent. I just keep putting my effort in the wrong places.

my movements are not steady I should drink water and eat something for the first time today

wait I had at least two dreams where I was screaming really loud but I couldnt hear myself what do those mean?

idk man I get torn between self pity and shame. its always one extreme or the other. its either "oh my god im so sad look at how sad it was omg why are people so insensitive when im obviously struggling?" or "omfg I cant stand

"you don't care enough to solve a problem, you only care enough to cause a problem" - my loving boyfriend whose family probably cant fucking stand me and is probably praying day and night for something to happen to me so I can finally be out of their lives

this is what I get for talking about my feelings. this is what I get. and he says im not paying attention to the context. maybe I am. maybe the devil is smiling as he separates us, a supposedly perfect couple.

I need to clone myself so I can fuck but also so I can kill myself and mutilate my dead body and wear my skin over my face and squeeze the blood from my heart into a basin of soju so I can take a bath in it and drink it all. i would also investigate the lungs if I remember to smoke with the clone before I kill it. dude smoking with my clone would be so cool but it would also make killing myself a little more sad

I think part of my problem is that one of my trauma responses is

Mind: oh man there's a lot of loud noise and hostile energy going around, and negotiating is not making it stop, what do we do? Mind: hmmmm how about we also get extremely loud and wear ourselves out so we physically can't process or do anything for the next 5 hours? Mind: wait excuse me what?

I wanna live in a little wood box alone in some forest for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be happy but id certainly be more comfortable. no person to please, no expectation from any human or animal, no task or thing I have to work on. just me, my delusions, and my little box. occasionally I will go and get food and water and that's it. I don't ever want to interact with anything again. I'll just die one day in the forest

which is what I would say if I wasn't a fucking pussy. im too scared to leave the people in my life and I love my mother too much. maybe I'll run away forever after my parents pass away. and I can be happy with my mom again. like I always wanted.

stay safe baby birds much love <3

and remember!

There's no such thing as the "right time".

[tryinggallery]

I look forward to the future

Came back to this site because I never left the hole I wanted to. Signed back in after changing my password and saw a post I made a year ago, a promise of action and a better future. Made that post hoping I was gonna do what I will do now, which is finally change, and I promise on my life that I will do it.

This isn't the first time Ive made this promise, I've made it more than I count, mainly to myself more than anyone else. And I guess I stopped doing it, after breaking that promise to myself again and again and again and again and again, I stopped really believing I could and I hated lying about it. Because I know what I need to do to change, and live life to the fullest and make everyone proud of me and to be happy with myself and succeed. I have barely used journals filled with nothing but a younger me's promise to do better, labeling the problems with my life and planning solutions and breaking down those solutions until they were do-able sprints, and reminders that I know im a flawed human being but in the end I must do what I have to do to be happy because im not.

I just couldn't do it. List lack of discipline or mental illness or depression, the 'excuses' dont matter because in the end, I let myself down. I let the people that looked me in the eye and said "Sweden. Spook, your kind and smart and handsome, Im not worried about you because I know you'll florish." And I looked back at my grandma or my mom or dad, back right at their big ol brown eyes and I swore that i wouldn't let them down. But I did. And i hated myself for it. I tore and cut myself and punched walls and hated myself, I didn't hate anyone more than myself. I tried my best to not let my fuck ups be inconveniences but I still made my mum cry and my dad yell. and that just made me hate myself more. to know that my brother could thrive and do just fine but i was a fish on land, just fucking inhaling nothing and dying there hoping that something would change and it didn't. Not like they didn't offer, I had pride, I said that I was a strong fish, and people be damned, i will fucking wriggle on this sand and make it to the water, I dont need help im just fine, and i would act like I could breathe just fine hoping they would be proud of me.

Now Im here. Rotting. Living but not thriving. nothing but shame and guilt though nobody has been hurt but myself. Ive healed, from the worst stuff, the scars faded and my knuckles have stopped clicking, but the standard has shifted from staying alive to living and I have plans now. Theres a future and world at arms length, people to meet, cats to befriend, dogs to say big yawn as their yawning to, jobs to do, experiences to be had. As much as I want to I cant keep being my own obstacle to being happy, I cant let this cycle keep going, I AM CLIMBING OUT OF THIS FUCKING HOLE. I MUST KEEP MY PROMISES AND FIND FULFILMENT IN MYSELF.

So, after ive spent however long planning and catering my environment and making sure I have got the standards set and now I must get to the doing, the effort, the hardest part truly, doesnt help I have developed a nasty habit of nicotine and weed use in the mean time, but alas, we must do.

First, I gotta resocialise, as I have digitally isolated myself from everyone I know but my partner for 2 years, so theres that. Next I gotta get back my swing into academic, I fucked up my HS after i got real bad but I managed to get into a decent uni, I just gotta get that squared away (I missed enrolment and must jump through a bunch of hoops now because of my incompetence). Next, I gotta secure a decent employment, scouted a few places and have made my resume so just gotta pray to god more than anything I guess. I got a bunch of personal projects, which i'd like to get started on, but that requires a drop into skills etc etc

In the end, the point of me learning to use tumblr and post this shit is so (Like the first time) I can digitalise results of my projects, betterment and general improvements of existence on the path to fulfilment ! Yippee!!